#cis men that do know me do not see me as a man

[clini-calia]

It's tough. It is.

I'm a 30-year-old transgender man. From ages 16 to 23-ish, I was stuck in the alt-right pipeline, as well. I watched all that stupid bullshit with "feminists getting owned!!!1!" and what the fuck ever else. I think what pushed me towards it was how people on Tumblr used to be upset over EVERYTHING and would belittle me for my masculinity. I remember seeing a post that had a gif of a scene from some anime, I dunno which one, and it was of a naked girl laying down. People were complaining about her breasts not being realistic - it wasn't the size, it was that they weren't sagging or drooping, and that men need to be portrayed with rock hard dicks that never soften or whatever. But I was just sitting there thinking, "She's laying down... lol. Gravity is literally pushing her breasts against her chest, not pulling them down."

Anyway. Posts like that, but they got worse. I've had a lot of people on the left question my gender. "Why would you want to be a man? Women are the better choice." "I don't know why you'd want to do that, why give up your femininity?" I got into a small argument with a woman once on it, basically saying that it felt like trans men weren't really counted much and were largely ignored in the trans community, along with non binary people, who are usually just treated as "Women Lite." She got so angry that she told me, "You probably just wanna be a guy because you're too ugly to get one for yourself."

That's what tipped me over to the right for a bit. Until I realized they cared even less about me and that if given the chance, well. What happened on November 5th would happen, and they'd look for any excuse to strip me of my rights.

For cis, straight, white men it's not so easy to get out of. They're welcomed with open arms, there's no looming threat of having their rights taken away. So the pull of some "brotherhood" is more enticing. I was groomed and sexually assaulted by a man, but I was also sexually assaulted and groomed by a woman. I'll always believe that, no matter what, humans are just humans. White, black, gay, straight, trans, cis, man, woman - humans. And humans can be good, and they can also fucking suck. So I'll never say "all men are trash" or "all women are garbage" or anything like it ever again.

I see men's issues with mental health. I wish they would understand that it's the patriarchy that ultimately fuels those issues, and I wish some women would see how they also contribute to it. I see a lot of younger women these days placing men's entire values on their income, their careers, their appearances, what they can buy for them... I've seen a tweet of dudes just chilling and playing video games, showing off Pokemon cards or some shit and a woman quote retweeted it and said, "Men used to fight in wars. 🙄" Yeah. That'll stop toxic masculinity - tell men they're not real men unless they go to war and give up what makes them happy. Nice...

The patriarchy hurts women by enforcing the idea that they are to submit to men's wishes, stay at home, clean, cook, have babies. That's all women are allowed to experience.

The patriarchy hurts men by enforcing the idea that they are to overwork themselves, abandon any non traditional masculine interests and basic human emotions in favor of that work, and go to fight and possibly die in wars.

These ideals were put into place as soon as different tribes, races, countries and so on realized that, "Oh. There's OTHER types of people, and I want to be the most powerful and rich so they don't take what I have. Hmm. Better make sure women can only spit out plenty of babies and that plenty of those babies are men to be my soldiers and workforce."

If you're a man that supports any of those ideas, fuck you. If you're a woman that supports any of those ideas, fuck you, too. I'm sick and tired of generalizing people. I'm sick and tired of having to give up pieces of ourselves in order to put more money in billionaire's pockets. I'm sick and tired of men being told they're "too feminine" to be a man over being into stuff like sewing, baking, dolls, fashion, cozy games and I'm tired of seeing women being told they're "too masculine" to be a woman for being into coding, mechanical work, FPS games, science and I'm tired of seeing non binary people being told they're too much of one or the other to be non binary.

I'm tired of seeing men put down other men for having a fucking emotion other than anger or goddamn numbness. I'm tired of seeing women put down other women for being more attractive or not attractive enough. Just... stupid, petty bullshit that should have been over and done with decades ago, why the fuck are we STILL here?

It's tough. Because I love men and care deeply about men. But I also don't think we need to baby them and pat them on the back and say, "It's OK that you joined a fascist group of people that openly and proudly call themselves Nazis." And if a man ever tells me or any woman or AFAB person that it's "your body, my choice," I will grab the nearest blunt object I can get my hands on and beat the snot, shit, and blood out of them.

But I do think we need to work harder at not alienating our CIS, straight, white, male allies. We need to stop generalizing everybody and correct our language when talking about people. And we especially need to make it clear that the alt-right only seeks to divide for their own benefit, not for anyone else's. It's money and power that they want. Men, unless you are wealthy, you are just a vote and a pawn to them, nothing else. We need Democrats in the USA to stop rolling over and blowing kisses to Republicans in the hopes that they'll play nice and cut us some slack. It's not going to happen, not in meaningful numbers. And we NEED to crack down harder on alt-right online spaces. I don't give a fuck no more, get rid of that shit, I don't care if it's seen as too extreme or censorship, if you give these dangerous people a place to commune and feel safe with their harmful ideologies, then it WILL spill over into other spaces. And parents of young children: you need to BE BETTER at monitoring what your kids are seeing and doing online. Take it from someone who no-lifes online games: they are going into these spaces and saying heinous, horrible shit. They are being groomed, they are saying slurs and sexually harassing women, they are even seeking sexual attention and guidance from adults and strangers, and some of those adults are sick enough to take them up on their offers. One little trip into a few public instances of games like VRChat will be all the proof you need. I love the Internet, I really do, but I also see how its anonymity has done harm to us and has severely damaged how young people interact with each other, online and offline.

Anyway, sorry that was so long. I've been pissed the fuck off since I saw that Trump "won" the election and this shit has been on my mind for years, just even more so now.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[morablackbird]

I’ve had time to think, and I want to make something clear to all.

Now more than ever we should go out and vote, not just for who’s gonna run this bitch but for seats and for government. Look into your local polling places to see what the next election is on and vote

Because it was never democrats vs republicans, it had always been democracy vs autocracy, freedom vs fascism. I’m not mad about republicans voting in their best interests, or hell if their had been just about any other sensible republican candidate, nor am I upset about those who question our democracy and its ability to give us the representation we want.

My hope is that democracy lives on past these four years, even if we the people lose our rights and our freedoms, we must never give up and never give in to hate and lies. Because if democracy survives we can always bring it back.

Do not lie down and die, do not let them win. It is time we come together as American citizens both Democrat and true republicans cause I know you are still out there, to fight like hell. Do not hurt yourselves that is what they want, if you are so beyond the point of no return then keep living, do not die because they won, die because you fought back, die gloriously! Die with purpose! Fight what battles you can at home and do what you must beyond the home, protect each other, especially our children who shall suffer the most.

And speaking of which, if you are a woman, cis or otherwise, non-binary born female, or a trans male that has yet to fully transition. It’s time to use their tactics against them. They want a nation of Christian ideals? This whole ‘your body my choice?’ Then it’s time to be maliciously compliant. Let us all take up a oath to never lie with another cis male. Let us become saints of virtue and celibacy. Let us be pure and free of the ‘sin’ that is sex then.

No more sex, no more babies, no more shall we give them factory workers and no more shall we give our bodies to them. We are choosing to be pure in the eyes of ‘their’ god then.

I don’t know about you but irl cis men are really unattractive to me right now, and if I really want kids I can adopt.

And for those of you who are LGBTQ and so on. Fear not for I believe in the promise of a better tomorrow. I believe in it, and we have fought for many years to get this far. If you are a adult you understand these hardships and hiding has never been easy but we managed. The kids however need us more than ever, they need to know we are there for them and we should protect them even at the cost of our own personal freedoms.

To all my friends with immigrant parents, who were born here and raised up under the ideal of freedom of choice. We have failed you and we shall never forgive ourselves for it. This nation was built by immigrants for immigrants, and it should continue to be so. Yet we choose to blame you for our problems.

My grandpa used to tell a joke, that was less of a joke and more of a upsetting truth.

There is a room in which three men live

In this room is a feast fit for several

One man is a businessman

One is you

One is a immigrant

The businessman looks at the feast and scoots the majority of it to his side of the table and begins to eat while the other two starve

But being ‘generous’ he tosses you a leg of the smallest fowl and says

‘Better grab it quick, lest the enemy take it from you’

As he point to the immigrant with none.

So you hold on to your scraps in fear of having none when in reality it’s not the enemy coming from elsewhere, but the liars who tell you it is so.

Immigrants were never your enemy and they never should’ve been, because unless you are 100% purely Native American I don’t want to hear it, cause not even I am.

I come from a long line of preachers and speakers, I come from a ancestry of natives and pilgrims, I come from two sides of the same coin when it comes to the civil war, I come from many Puritans, Catholics, Christians, and so on, and no matter what their stance was in our government there was one thing they all clearly desired.

Freedom

Liberty

The pursuits of happiness

Democracy

Do not let them win, do not give up, do not lie down and die because they say you should.

Fight to live another day, keep going even when shit sucks, don’t give them what they desire,

never give up!

Do you hear me?

NEVER GIVE UP!!

Sincerely

Dove

[ihavenomouthandimustmouth]

I think the “girls transition to be men because it’s easier” thing is wild. Like yeah, it’s easier to be a cis man than a cis woman. But I am not a cis man. Although I would not go back, at no point has presenting as a transmasculine person in society been easier than presenting as a cis woman in society (for me, at least). I did not get to “escape” misogyny when I came out—it’s been all the same misogyny with added transphobia and cissexism. If not for my internal feelings about my gender identity and dysphoria, it would be significantly easier for me to have continued identifying as a cis woman.

[prolibytherium]

Just in general I think trying to look to pre-late modern period history for validation of LGBT+ identities is an absolutely useless venture. Every single underlying human experience defined through the lens and framework of LGBT identity has always existed, but it's impossible to pin down Exactly who and what a figure might have been if they existed in this contemporary context and decided to self identify via these labels.

It's also a wildly reductive lens that flattens the complexity and variety of how sex and gender has been constructed across time in different cultures, how sexual norms have varied, etc. This is not a constructive approach to learn about history and you're never going to be able to fit historical figures neatly into little identity categories.

[tanuki1029]

Even to someone who thinks they're a centrists, terfs are a right-wing movement. They aren't feminists in any actual capacity. They don't care about women's rights. They are openly willing to work with fascists because they are fascists only interested in the extermination of trans people. Describing them as left wing isn't remotely true. It's doing the work of their propaganda for them. They aren't feminists.

I know what you mean by it seeming like people categorically just hate men in general. It's kind of a two pronged issue that you're describing, but both of them definitely do happen.

First, with the women and nb spaces, they do suck. Majorly, but it's not flat hatred of men. I've been refused entrance into those spaces and definitely don't feel safe in them. The ones I've encountered are basically terf-lite. They don't trust me because I'm trans, and thus don't qualify as a woman in their eyes.

It sucks. It sucks in a way that is just incredibly painful. Calling it man hatred or misandry is missing the wider picture, though.

The kinds of people who trust a trans masc until they look masculine don't just distrust men, either. It's a similar issue of not seeing the wider picture. They trust a trans guy at first because they still see them as a girl, just one that wants to be called a guy. They're transphobic as well, and that's what paints the picture of this irrational hatred of men. They don't treat cis men this way. They are specifically cruel to trans men because of their transphobia.

For the second part, yeah, men get treated way differently as a class. Women are especially closed off around them. If that was the whole of the situation, then yeah, it'd be accurate to point at it ass the problem.

It's not, though. Women are careful around men because we have to be. Society as a whole is constantly conditioned to trust men (particularly white, able bodied, etc) over women. The reason that men get treated with suspicion by default is because they have the power to ruin a woman's life and will never face any consequences for it at best, or be rewarded for putting a bitch in her place at worst.

Especially with abortion being so attacked, there are legal fucking consequences to trusting a man now. That's true of anyone who can get pregnant, too. I've heard some heart wrenching horror stories of cis dudes trying to get trans mascs pregnant to force them into "being a woman." Like, trusting the wrong dude can literally kill you.

And it's ass. It really sucks to have to treat dudes like this, but you really can't blame this on non men or the left. I've seen this same conversation around bipoc creating nonwhite spaces. It was genuinely hurtful to me at first, but like. When I actually stopped to look at the entire situation, it was really easy to see why. White people are an actual, tangible risk to bipoc in a way that they need protection from.

The solution isn't to get rid of nonwhite spaces. The solution has to be dismantling the power structures that enable this oppression.

And it still hurts!!! Genuinely, it sucks to be on the other side of this! I've been there. I know that pain is real, but it wouldn't have helped those nonwhite spaces to waste their time telling white woman four thousand eight hundred and six the basics of racism. They had their own shit to work through.

Falling into this idea of the left hates men is falling into the same trap that I did back then. It's taking the pain of an oppressive class at face value. You just can't stop there. You have to look deeper than the pain.

It hurts, but when you see what powers are at play, you can work towards meaningful change.

the amount of redditors like "as someone who escaped the alt right pipeline, here's the problem with the left" *writes out essay revealing a massive victim complex*...you did NOT escape the right i'm afraid 😭🙏 at the core of reactionary politics is aggrieved entitlement!

[ineed-to-sleep]

Funny how all it takes is a couple of conversations with a cis straight man about gender to make me go "yup I'm definitely not cis"

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.

[feline-evil]

Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.

[tommyssupercoolblog]

Hey no hold on you don't have to be nice to men who are already actively being mean to you or something. Just don't be a fucking TERF who thinks men are born inherently evil and incapable of change. I thought the point was "if all I can be is a monster then I may as well accept it" not "oh no girls snap at me when I tell them they shouldn't have rights"??

The guy escaped the pipeline but the point of the post isn't about guys who are IN IT it's about boys who aren't. Who are 12, 15, not assholes yet. It's about stopping them from BECOMING alt right, not how to handle people who are already.

Like if you are told that identifying as man or being born in a male body (or both, a lot of people say both) makes you evil in itself. That you are discriminatory by default. You might decide there's no point in being kind because you'll always fail. I know you know men are individuals but just because you know that doesn't mean everyone does. TERFs certainly don't, and radical feminism is popping off at the same time all this other shit is happening. Their whole THING is that men are violent rapists from birth who can never be changed, and doing damage control rather than working for actual equality. There are people who genuinely believe that cis men, and trans men and trans women as well, are all dangerous and need to be locked out of everyone else's spaces.

"but TERFs aren't leftist" firstly they claim to be, but secondly...lots of queer people a d self-described leftists have been parroting their talking points without even realizing it. "I wish I lived in a world with no men lol, men DNI, kill all men hehe" reblogging posts from literal TERFs and not realizing it because they didn't say anything bad about trans people specifically, and because they go "don't worry trans men, you are also included in my DNI and posts about wanting you dead. Also trans women aren't men so I don't want you dead and you can reblog"

"sorry I'll delete that post now I didn't realize the "we should invent a disease that wipes out men" post was made by a TERF whoopsies"

If you already understand that men aren't evil by some god given nature design then the post.... isn't ABOUT you???? Yes there's plenty of people who know better than that but there are also plenty of people who don't. It depends on who you're seeing in your algorithm, or on Tumblr who you're following. Just don't let posts like that spread, so we can hopefully keep them from reaching too many people

You can still tell people who are actively discriminatory to fuck off. And you SHOULD. Sexists and rapists don't deserve to be coddled. But a pipeline starts slowly, creeps up over months or years as you listen to more and more voices of hate. This just helps people from starting that path- because a lot of them would hate the very person they are now in the beginning. It started slow

Edit: for emphasis or in summary i guess, If you already know men aren't born evil then the only thing you have to worry about is shutting down TERFs and people who parrot them. If you think the parroting is done with well intentions then you can always explain why gender essentialism itself is harmful and anti-femenist besides. Stop the rise of that and it can help

"as a guy who escaped the alt-right pipeline, [*blames it on Misandry*]"

[loveguts]

i’m not a transandrophobia truther in the slightest don’t get me wrong, but i think some people on here really need to realize and comprehend the fact that cis women, way WAY more often than not, hold extremely significant social and political power over trans men the vast majority of the time in our day to day lives

[floralovebot]

why do people think he was meant to be a woman? helia’s design was very clearly based off shojo anime love interests à la tuxedo mask (although i strongly believe the main inspiration for his design was actually goemon ishikawa from lupin iii lol)

exactly!!! the entire "mysterious pretty long haired boy who is gentle but can still fight for you" is lifted directly from shojo anime like ajdkajdg personally, i think he was inspired by hotohori from fushigi yuugi !! (at least in terms of visuals,, ajhgl) (it's extra funny to me cause there's an entire joke about hotohori being so beautiful that everyone thinks he's a woman aldjhg) (also helia's initial design being red instead like... bro.....)

look at this bitch!!! they stole his hair!!!

anyway this rumor is so dumb too like it's been around for Years (i remember being ten looking at forum posts about this) but no one has ever found proof or even implications. no one from rainbow has ever confirmed this. years ago, someone probably said something along the lines of "helia is so feminine i wonder if he was meant to be a girl at first" and everyone else just fucking ran with it.

i know at one point the popular rumor was that rainbow wanted to introduce two new winx members (aka aisha and helia) but decided that would be too much and just went with aisha instead and made helia a boy. which like. cmon aldhg

but it's just SO so bad like it's literally just white people going "oh wow long hair into art And poetry??? WOMAN" it's like ?? the fans who think they're being progressive for this too like ajdhglda you are Literally just doing gender stereotypes. that's what you're doing here. you saw a man with long hair and a quiet personality and went "aha! i have discovered that you are secretly a woman!" like. buddy. you sound like a right wing lugnut yelling about "we can always tell" like BOOOOOO

again i really do think a good test is if you can't see any of the other specialists (especially brandon and sky) as women or as trans men then you shouldn't headcanon helia like that. if you can't see white muscular men as "feminine" in any way, then you shouldn't be doing that to helia. (anyway woman!sky my beloved) (someone ask me about sky secretly being a girl au NOW) (LESBIAN SKOOM LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOO)

anyway i'm starting a new rumor: tecna was actually supposed to be a boy specialist but they didn't want two nerds in the group so they made him a girl and put her in the winx instead. you can still see clear masculine elements in her design like her short hair, brutish personality, and interest in technology. things we all know women would never have. follow for more fun winx club facts!!!!

(that's how stupid ignorant and frankly misogynistic you all sound when making your helia was clearly a woman posts fuck you fuck you fuck you)

[dayvan]

re: my last reblogs and tags

remember that study trying to prove trans men experience male privilege with a sample size of 10 whole stealth trans guys from socal with tech and office jobs. lmao.

[perilegs]

it's funny that now that i don't really have much about my body to be dysphoric about my brain makes up psychological dysphoria and it's so dumb

[wild-at-mind]

If you ever see me becoming one of those transmisandry people, please fucking call me out immediately.

[oysterie]

i do acknowledge i need to watch what i say wrt gender women men cis ppl etc just augh.

[mejomonster]

As I get older and older I more tangibly realize why queer individuals in older generations than mine might prefer words I wouldn't use for myself, and likewise why younger generations preferences would be different too. Like it was always clear you know, a person knows their identity best and what labels they prefer best and even if you don't get it you should respect it. But I guess the older I get the more I realize I really don't know and never can know the background another person has for their perceptions and meaning for labels and why something in particular helps them to use or not