#chronically scared online
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INTRO 𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒
﹒⟡﹒; she ﹒﹒︴ they !! ◎﹐﹒ꕀ﹔zafie / zafieri / pinkxpantha ﹒ꕀ﹒ꕀ﹒ᶻz ; something queer / librafemminine / INFP !!リ﹒Ꮺ — ♡﹒; “ GN + WLW writing ” “pinkxpanther on quotev” pinkxpanther on wattpad ,, ㅤᵕ̈⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
#INTRO───post#hi#introduction#blog intro#personal intro#chronically scared online#took way to long to post this 😭#I like reading#art#writing#fanfics#and somewhere stuff I can't think of#give me mercy#I was conflicted between making a super aesthetic and cute page or just a buncha shitposts#I will be doing both#expect chaos and low updates#I will forget this account exists#fandoms are#genshin#alnst#mha#JJK#but I will mostly/only be writing for genshin#˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ZAFIERI
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redraw + lucas and ness funny moments part 374758
#mother 3#earthbound#ness#lucas#shitpost#zekko art#lucas isn’t chronically online ness you’re scaring him
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it's the dragon age autism at work but i'm disliking playing the crows literally just because I think they should be shitty bc when you think about it, they are still kind of shitty. When i saw they were going to be a faction in this game i thought 'ohhh hell yeah that's the Stinker Faction' but they're like, good guys....i wanted them to suck :(
I can at least kind of understand why the Lords of Fortune are good guy pirates thanks to Isabela's antics in kirkwall but even then just knowing there was potential for morally gray factions is chipping away 1hp from my healthbar every time i think about it
#veilguard spoilers#and i have to save them if i want to romance lucanis 🙄#which is VERY LAME as well because not once does lucanis talk about how evil his grandma was to him!!#again i actually LOVE this game and it's fun to replay but seeing what it Should be does hurt a little aaaa#why were the writers so scared of morally grey factions and characters....what happened to the bite in the worldbuilding#it gives me the exact vibe chronically online people who hate Bad Things Occurring in Fantasy would approve of#like it's ok for things to be bad...show me that the crows actually suck#show me what it's like being an elf anywhere but especially Tevinter!!#show me dalish being protective of their history and distrusting humans!!#not to mention 'you can leave the qun anytime you want'#the person who has been obsessed with qunari lore since sten invited me back to his home was shaking#i tend to roll my eyes at the nerds who want dark fantasy (violence against women as a crutch) but i still want actual dark fantasy#when you ask for dr pepper but they give your mr pibb in a sippy cup....
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unintended consequence of introducing my mom to reddit in 2019 is that 5 years later she is 10x more of a redditor than anyone i know now, and also has zero concept of the general reputation of reddit among normal people. everybody stares blankly when this woman in her 60s starts talking about this post she saw on reddit. she brings it up CONSTANTLY. like nearly every conversation. i'm like mom please. these people only know reddit as the incel site, if they know what it is at all
#not saying there aren't older people on reddit but like#let's all be real the general demographic of reddit is 30 y/o men and every time i go on the popular tab i'm reminded of this#next to nobody that my mom interacts with in this rural texan town has a clue what she is talking about#but the confidence with which she cites it#at least she isnt into conspiracies#actuall i'll ammend. she is into conspiracies. but she's into mocking them#which on it's own is a little....i've had to tell her to dial back because she's always bringing up whatever stupid thing she saw online#like she is more chronically online than i am when it comes to what stupid maga people believe. because she hates them#and i'm happy she hates them instead of supports them#but i'm also like mom pls you cannot bring up vaccine conspiracies in normal company everyone thinks you are insane#i SEE their looks as she talks but she doesnt 😭#it's like people will be having a normal conversation about real world things and she will derail into unhinged chronically online stuff#like mom pls everyone else is happily living normal lives offline you are confusing and scaring them LOL
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Hm.
#blahblahdumbstuff#i am chronically online welp#please dont say stuff like#'oh you should go outside more!'#'you should spend more time with your irl friends!'#the thing is#tumblr is my safe place#and the friends i have here#are so much better than some of my irl ones#and i struggle in the real world#due to paranoia and the fact#that my parents are always with me when im out#and i cant go out by myself unless there are other adults#and im scared of my parents#and i find it better when im home alone#for hours straight on the holidays#because my parents still have to go to work#thats when i truly feel safe#and im supposed to also feel safe with my parents#but i dont
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ok I'm back
#I know you were probably all pretty scared when I wasnt as chronically online as usual its such a shock to the system I know#I had to go into the City for a couple days and it left me exhausted and reminded me of what yearning was
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got 2 silly & now im @ my poapoas apartment
aka oops i fell in2 old habits & got dragged out of the house
#i sang hamilton as punishment#4 taking me out#i mean its prolly good 4 me but like i was rotting cmonnn#i 4got how good burn was#wait 4 it & burn i will eat u#anyways im done bing cringe im going 2 try 2 b online morr#kinda funny silly goofy even#if i was less scared of everything i would b more chronically online#but im notttt teehee#@ least i didnt end up in the ward this time EYYYYY
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if you refer to the real, offline world as "meat space" then simply touching grass is not enough for you. You need to have it intravenously injected.
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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im bored
#sorry im chronically online#LMFAO#guys lance is just me fr#not putting in the main tags bc im scared to be bullied#kats edits!
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me knowingly joining discord servers with huge timezone differences and not being able to keep up with messages
#I WANT TO CREAT ONE BETWEEN MUTUALS TO LIKE#CHAT#BUT IM SCARED TO MODERATE IT LIKE#IM SORRY IF I JOINNED AND PROCEEDED TO NOT READ ANY TEXTS#HSGSNDHABS#mailman rants#im just thinking hard about it#too scared to reveal my discord tag#but still craving an online community#but also not being able to maintain said community#IM ACTUALLY REALLY FUCKING LAME#ILL JOIN A VC AND NOT TALK#JUST HOVERING AND LURKING BETWEEN MESSAGES#chronically online but not really
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I've seen this weird fucking trend in some circles starting where people will say they will block u if u like and don't reblog and idk maybe it's a controversial take but that makes me 500x LESS likely to interact with your stuff
So for the record feel free to like and not reblog I literally don't care. The fact that you saw it and enjoyed it enough to like it is more than enough for me. Like, reblog away but there's no obligation
#dare i say its chronically online behavior or will thag get me crucified#like idc if theyre serious or not#if they are uhhh hello????#and if theyre not theyre unnecessarily scaring away people who might otherwise interact with their content
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mw I kinsider speedy gonzales but now im scared I might be Racist for that because im white and hes mexican so now I have to shop for my moral beliefs from the 2016 tumblr post store
#thoughts#chronically online shit#not tagging as fictionkin because im too scared of other people seeing this
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i am this close to a panic attack
#this too will pass but I wish it’d pass faster#i HATE BEING SICK SO MUCH!!!!! OWWW#I’m gonna be so chronically online these next few days#because if I do not have a distraction I Will Panic#I’m so fucking scared of being sick#I wish yonny was real I wish he could make me feel better and hold my hand while I fall asleep#it’s ok guys I can blame the fever on the things I’m saying right now
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2023 was the worst year of my life. not sure what's to come or where to start but i know things have to change, i have to fix things somehow
#i haven't been very active online#last june i experienced something traumatic and i'm stuck in an environment in which i cannot heal#plus chronic pain has inhibited my life to a devastating degree#so all i've done these past months is sink further and further into a sadness and emptiness and pain i can't describe#it's scary to look in the mirror at somebody entirely unrecognizable. i feel hollow and devoid of any traits#i feel i've lost everything that made me 'myself'#lost my family. lost my health. lost myself. lost all the things i cared about once#i don't think i can ever return to the person i was before. so i have no option but to start anew#i need to stop being so terribly nostalgic for the things i can never get back#i can't keep clinging onto broken shards#honestly i know deep down that holding on to the hurt has never served me. and i doubt it ever will#but i'm scared to let go. scared of what will take its place. scared of what i'll find.#i don't think i can heal here#so i'm just enduring. but it's scary how time keeps passing. i've been so dissociated and none of this feels real#i feel so hopelessly lost and trapped and behind. i'm 23 now but it feels so wrong#✩
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chat would it be better to leave up the dirkcro art or take it down 😓
#idk why i care sm about online reputation#ig im just scared of the chronically online#and i dont want to feed into the freaks that like em youuungerrr#so what do we think
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