#ILL JOIN A VC AND NOT TALK

[liamthemailman]

me knowingly joining discord servers with huge timezone differences and not being able to keep up with messages

[spoofyleaf]

how do you do something your very scared to do but you know you need to

You know how my sona has ram horns? That's because when I'm very anxious to do something, I imagine literally running in head first, and horns will protect my head from severe injuries. A metaphorical "you won't die from going into class after being absent for a week", if you will.

Also, I will repeat to myself: "The more I _____, the easier it will get, and I want it to be easy." (ie: emailing a professor for help, messaging a mutual or friend unprompted, etc).

Here's the thing; you're allowed to be scared of things. But if you stay in the dead center of your comfort zone, and never try to expand it, you'll miss out on life. That doesn't mean you have to go to prom because "its part of the high school experience" if you don't like social events (if you're just not going because you're scared to though, then go). It means you won't be able to experience the world. It means you'll miss out on waterfall chasing, and bugs, and all these wonderful people, and all these doors waiting to be opened by you, and learning so many new things, and just akfjgadgfoadflkerg. There is so much out there.

There is so much you can do in this lifetime if you so choose to, but there's very little time. It took me 21 years to learn this. It took losing someone to realize: oh my god we're alive.

So how do i do something that needs to get done but I'm terrified to? I take a deep breath, I remind myself that it won't kill me, I tell myself it gets easier the more I do it, and I dive in head first with trembling fists the entire way.

One small step at a time.

[sweetsweetbumblebee]

god i hate being so sensitive lol

[codecicle]

I've been craving playing beatsaber so fucking bad this week but my step-mom (who owns our vr headset) let her friend borrow it a little bit before I came home for the summer and we haven't had time to go pick it back up since, so to try and quench these cravings I downloaded Osu! a few minutes ago to try and play a rhythm game and see if it's somewhat the same (it's not.) and bro as I was playing this shitty little beginners piano-keyboard guitar hero style thing that made me feel like a toddler playing on the brightly colored plastic pianos that you would have in a baby room that had that little wooden stick attached on a string, I'm sitting there feeling proud of myself and trying to play the music and just vibing by myself when this person joins my osu! vc??? which i didnt know existed???? says "Hey dude what are you playing ^_^?" My dumbass thought this was part of the song so I just quit the song and was about to laugh about it before I hear the same voice say "Hello? Can you hear me?" and I don't even close the game properly I hit alt+f4 and then immediately deleted the game out of pure fear.

[insertvalidusername]

i think it would be awesome to have like a discord voice hangout thing BUT with like more extroverted people who talk a bunch and are fine with me just listening in the background like its an audiobook until im comfortable enough to talk

(and they'd have to explicitly tell me "hey don't stress about talking in vc, just hang out until you feel like talking")

[libbytwq]

merry christmas!!! (2024)

So, it's Christmas. Normally I never make this type of Christmas special, normally because every year I usually have no one in specific online to be grateful for, aside from my followers. But these past 5 months, my life has truly changed, and i finally have people I want to wish a genuine Merry Christmas to. So here is a gift for those wonderful people.

And thats not all, I'm not just gonna make a cute lil gift and not explain why I love these people!

APPRECIATION GO! 💥

SMG8 // @strange0-0storm -- STORM!! I know we rarely interact, but everytime we do, it's an absolute treat. I love seeing your art, the stuff you make is so awesome and fun to look at, and talking about goofy shit is so much fun. I look up to you a lot and I want to interact with you a lot more. SMG8 was one of the first ever SMG4 OCs I've ever gotten myself familiar with, he's such a silly man and I want to punt him, I love your stuff sm, stay cool 💥

Mango // @its-a-me-mango -- MANGO!! I've always been a massive fan of your art since I was first getting myself familiar with the SMG4 Tumblr community, because of your artstyle and the goofy jokes and silly stuff, but since joining the TSB discord server and interacting with you, I think you are even cooler. Our interactions are so incredibly goofy and I love every single time you appear on VCs. Our sense of humor almost feels like it clicks and everytime we make jokes I be cackling, to the point I sometimes get distracted from what I'm working on... but hey its okay because we're all silly here :3 i love your stuff sm man and i think ur an absolute vibe keep doing that forever and ever

N4 // @bluesbox -- BLUE!! It is so much fun interacting with you about theories and stuff!! And hearing you yap abt N4 lore is so fun and cool.... im INVESTED....... Yappin with you about goofy lil theory stuff is an absolute treat and i love interacting with you sm guh h,, we are the SCHEMERS......

TSB // @tiredsmashbros -- TOMM!! you...... YOU..... I WOULDNT BE FRIENDS WITH ANY OF THESE PEOPLE IF YOU DIDNT EXIST.... i look up to you like crazy and the fact that i can call you a friend is still batshit insane to me....interacting with you and joining your server has in fact changed my life for the better and i am not the same person i was before your 1k birthday party.... you are a huge inspiration to me and your lore is impeccable bUT DUDE I WANT ANSWERS, the TSB lore has me invested and i wanna know whats goin on im gonna..... GSHDJFNF IM GONNA GETTT Y /silly /pos dude your are so crazy awesome i love vibin with you n being silly all the time. qwah puh 💥

Neo // @neo91502 -- NEO!! You were one of the first people i bonded with in the server, and for that i think you are incredibly awesome, i love your art and everything you draw they always look so super cool and awesome and wa h,, i love your stuff sm but man you gotta handle your addiction to tsmg4 and long haired smg4 its gonna be a problem if you cant get it under control /silly YOU ARE SO AWESOME AND FUN I LOVE YAPPING WITH YOU RAAAGH

Hexsy // @nxva-blogz -- NXVA!! sigh..... i GUESS i have to include you.... for the sake of the hexore...... /j /silly you are so crazy and interacting with you is sm fun ill be completely honest. The hexsy lore is so so neat and i love your art sm guh,, I love vibing with you and being silly you are such a goofy ahh individual and you bring a lot of joy hehehehe explodes y

And now, there were a few other people I really wanted to fit on the couch, but couldn't because I burnt tf out. So heres me showing appreciation to those people too!

@knightedmares -- MY TWIN!! KNIGHTMARE KNIGHTMARE KNIGHTMARE!! We have so much in common and we just be vibin everytime you show up. I love your oc Trick sm and i love vibing with you guh

@rmgkyle -- KYLE!!! you feed me everyday and i appreciate it very very much. You are so incredibly goofy and i love RMG from the bottom of my heart and you are so insane but i love that WEE

@mikchi8 -- mikchi you are a menace to the server and i am very scared of you,, but thats ok cuz you are very silly and i love vibin with you /pos

@kittykibbl -- Kitty i LOVE your various AUs a ton and you were one of the first people i interacted with online, from one of the first WOTWs, and i still love your stuff a ton and interacting with you is a lot of fun yippe

Merry Christmas everybody!!

- Lore, libbytwq

[amberluvsbugs]

My reaction to the news you just posted:

I saw your 'I lost someone' post a few days ago, and I have no clue what was going through that person's head for them to do that. Neither you, your co-workers, nor anyone in the fandom who may be suffering from illness deserved to be deceived like that.

My heart goes out to you, and I hope you're doing okay now. 💖

(If you're comfortable clarifying this for anyone who didn't see that post and may want to know the full context (no stress if you don't want to ofc), was Ari initially claiming to be dying of cancer or was it something else? Either way, it's still disgusting what they did.)

thank you it really means a lot. ;;;; In case anyone didnt see the post I made a while back, this is the full story for clarification: This all started on April 29th when I received a DM from my co-worker Toby, saying that a Poppy Playtime fan and friend we will call Ari, who he told me was 18 and has come to know for a solid year, was set to be sedated on May 6th due to having an incurable cancer. Because of this, he wanted me to create an illustration for her before she passed which I immediately took up the offer. Now, for clarification, I don't trust what anyone says in the PPT community. I am aware of how immature and dangerous the community can be. But when it's coming from someone I know and trust, I put my trust forward on that person. I don't mess around when it comes to someone nearing their death. So I got in contact with her, made sure she saw the illustration I made for her, and for the past week after work hours, I would talk with her in VCs and chill at every chance I got to make sure she was happy and having a good time. She acted very kind and sweet to me and so many others who would join the VC as they also soon came to know of her upcoming passing as well. On Saturday, May 4th we hosted a podcast for her as a subtle final farewell to the whole server. And on Sunday evening at 5 pm, me and Toby talked with her one last time in a private vc until she had to take her final leave from Discord. At 6 pm, me and Toby stayed on call listening to the Caretaker album fully (as we both had a big fascination for The Caretaker album, Everywhere At The End Of Time) as a sort of timer to let us know when she had passed, as we knew in 6 hours she would be sedated. At 1 am on Monday morning, The album finished. We both cried so hard it gave us headaches. I only got to really know her for a short time, but at that moment, she made such an impact on me and so many others in the PPT server and community. We had made art dedicated to her and I had even laid out a post for her. Everyone was mourning over Ari’s departure and for 4 days me and Toby were a MESS of emotions of grief. That was until I received a message from Toby on Thursday, May 9th, saying he needed to speak to me urgently in call. Toby told me that he had been watching Ari's activity and found something off with it as it had recently gone active a few times. I told him that maybe it was her friend having access to her account in her passing but Toby immediately showed me proof of the activity that's been going on in another server and on her Roblox account that she had. And that's when we needed proof or confirmation. For the past 4 hours, we did our research to find leads on her. We eventually found her school which apparently confirmed that she was 14, NOT 18, and we got in contact with her parents and asked them about Ari to which they were confused about this whole thing and told us that she was here. Which CONFIRMED that she was still ALIVE. We filled in on the parents for what Ari did and she is no longer going to have access to her electronics. We were both devastated at this point and absolutely furious. Everything we did for her, and the community, was all for nothing. She used and fooled us by a means to get attention and to specifically get in contact with Toby and be forward with him as a minor. We dedicated hours and days to her, mourned and cried for her, all for it to be crumbled down into a fake death. We were beyond disappointed, me especially as I don't take kindly to this sort of thing. I don't get mad. In fact, I try to be a kind person to everyone, but the fact someone would take advantage and play death like this to us for attention is disgusting and just wrong. I have moved on from this but please don't make this a big deal. They were 14 and this will not stop me from doing what I love for the PPT community or whatnot. It's just a life lesson I will take to heart and be careful to not put my full trust in someone unless I have clarification that they are indeed going through a death-like situation like this.

[opal-owl-flight]

Gonna be interrupting the ongoing Neo3 saga for a bit, because something serious needs to be addressed.

Its come to my attention that there have been some serious allegations against me and another member of the Magoverse server. The posts were brought to us by someone in said server and that’s how we all found out.

Im here to provide proof against them.

TLDR: There has been a person lying about some very serious matters. I will discuss and provide proof against their claims below.

A former member of our server, giyagas-strikes-back, has claimed that I have been generally harassing them while they were there. They have stated that they have no proof of their accusations. There is no evidence of this because it did not happen at all.

I did not abuse or harass them. All I did was address the behavior that was making other members of the server uncomfortable. We were not once rude to this individual. We had spoken with them regarding their disruptive behavior multiple times, including their disrespect towards our members when they had asked them to tone things down and failed to regard such wishes.

 Seen below:

For this next series of screenshots, they were involved in an rp involving sudden angst/violence that made members in the server uncomfortable. I was not the one who addressed the concern, but I did agree with the point of the one who did.

Another event where they commented something negative about something and someone else talked to them about it. Again, I was only agreeing with someone else, I did not speak harshly to them at all:

We never held a grudge against them, and only spoke to them in this way when they made someone uncomfortable.

Additionally, they told us that they were at least 13 (minimum age for joining the server) when we talked to them. We all thought we were speaking to an individual who would handle criticism we gave them seriously. We found out later that they were lying about their age:

Because we weren't notified, it only came to our attention much later into their membership, as is shown here. (Edited Discord notifications do not provide an "unread message" tag, and with a massive influx of members coming in at that time, this message was quickly buried.) We do not accept members under the age of 13 in our server. Every member under the age of 18 must inform us that they are a minor (no specific number required, just that they're under 18), and they are given a tag indicating that they are a minor. Additionally, we have multiple guidelines in place regarding minors and VC manners. We all mind our distance. To note: Before we could confront giyagas-strikes-back they left the server. We are unsure if they left because they caught wind we knew about them lying about their age, or if they left because of the multiple times that members of the mod staff had been forced to step in to handle behaviors or statements made by them that made other members uncomfortable.

An extra note to add, giyagas-strikes-back claimed that all this happened in a server where the “mod was always away”. We are the mods, and they were fully aware of this. The status of our mods is very apparent and in no way shape or form secret. Even our nicknames are given a specific color to indicate that we are the mods of the server. We only ever interacted with them on the specific server that we mod, so I am unsure if this is another lie, or if they legitimately didn’t realize we were mods and that is why we kept addressing their behaviors with them.

They also mentioned that I associate with Blaze, who they claim said weird stuff to them/is grooming them. But doing a quick search on a statement they made proves otherwise:

I believe these allegations are an immature act of retaliation due to our addressing their ill behaviors.

Theres one more thing I need to address. It was also brought to my attention that someone is claiming I stole an AU. I was never approached about this, neither has Blue as far as I am aware, and honestly have no idea what AU they're referring to, so I'm going to assume it is CtyH (Close to Your Heart, the au where Mags marries a god). We first discussed this au last January 26, 2023 -- here are screenshots of the first discussions about it. This AU started off as an offshoot to my interp and evolved from there. If anyone ever felt I had stolen something, it was never brought up with me or Blue, and I never wrote this AU with anyone elses in mind.

In closing: A healthy reminder. When people are accusing others of something, never take just their word as fact. Always look into it before making your own decision about the person in question, even if it comes from someone you trust. Never let anyone's opinion be your opinion. Always, ALWAYS, find the facts and discern for yourself! Make your own choice. Don't allow others to choose for you. Take this evidence as you will, but please, if you know those responsible for damning our names and making these baseless claims, we ask that you do not harass them on our behalf. We will not tolerate anyone speaking ill of them in my name. Yes, what they are doing is bad, but would any of us be better if we reciprocate in the same manner? That helps no one. Instead, simply inform and educate others. Be peaceful, be respectful. Be polite. Do not attack these people under any circumstances.

[zondearts]

ZONDEARRTTS‼️‼️ DROP MORE INFO ABOUT THE PJSK WOF AU, AND MY LIFE IS YOURS

I funnily enough already made an introductory infodump here on my prsk account (I suggest reading that one first if you haven't :Vc)

But since More info was asked of, I'll take the opportunity to just do that >:3c

Going with the one thing my first dump avoided: Story

The wof au admittedly has a less developed story than my Wolf au, since the first is mainly an art project and the second a writing project. Still there's enough to share

The general gist is that a worldwar has started, because of the Sandwing Succession (like in the first arc) That thing has been going on for a bit less than in the books, i.e the first Nightwing tunnel has just been made, the arena is still new and flawed (hence the Great Escape) and the Mudwings had freshly broken their alliance to the Seawings (I barely see any talk on this, but Queen coral mentioned it in her very reputable scroll "How the Seawings ended the Great War and saved the world!" and who wouldn't trust her writing?)

There is no prophecy (Tsunami would be so happy lmao), but there's an antiwar movement like the Talons of Peace, called Sekai (I want to turn it into an acronym of sorts, but I haven't figured it out (sob))

Leoneed

Leoneeds is a mixed group of dragonets who grew up in the desert together. When the war started there was an issue with the Tenma Clan (who ownes the oasis) not showing allyship to one of the warring princesses. Especially while having a Mudwing and even an Icewing princess as close friends. Naturally hostility grew and Bole left the group out of fear, followed by Snowhare, who returned to Icekingdom.

A bit before the breakup, so around the start of the war, Fennec has fallen majorly ill. But she recovered a solid while after Snowhares departure and immediately took chase (with Star of course) Although Icekingdom is closer to the Tenma Oasis they decided that going to Mud Kingdom first would be safer. There they stumble across ln Miku (Glimmeringfate? idk yet, the loid name list is still spotty), who for the lack of a better word adopted them. She brought them to a Sekai hideout, there me brain stops :(

(the Leoneed art also stops here, although the drawing of Ichisaki meeting Migu was scrapped :/ Might redraw it when I reach the third rotation, but that could either happen in winter or next year (when my brain's still shackled to this project lmao))

The Leonieloids are all Sekai members

More More Jump!

There's not that much of a story here. I am so sorry mmj fandom (I say to the mirror)

Still there are some things I can mention :<

The general gist was: Veterans uniting to bring hope to the war ridden land.

I had some thoughts around their involvement with Sekai, but I can't find them :'3 The unsure voice in my head says it was that they made some reformation efforts, so probably something like that, mixed with encounters from the past like with Arisa (oh that would actually be so cool, wait woah Woah (<- the curse grows stronger))

Mmjloids are all Sekai members aswell. Most have history with the blorbos, so Otter and Meiko, Penguin and Miku, Finch and Rin/Len and Thaw with Aurora (Luka)

VBS

The kiddos are in the arena (I hopefully established lmao). Together they scheme another escape. An escape that'll surpass the great escape by RaDder i.e ending arena battles ones for all. They were quite successful in finding more and more allies, but due to circumstances they had to escape on their own, leaving the arena as it was. They went up finding RaDder in a Sekai hangout. And with them they plan a way to not only stop the Arena battles, but also overthrow Chimera (although those are inherently connected. Like the arena battles would have remained if Scarlett stayed ruler yk?)

All Vbsloids are Sekai members/affiliated, most joined the organization with RaDder. Dromedar (Vbs Luka) is more of an honorary member, since she mainly works as a merchant.

Wxs

Well my previous dump already mentioned that the clown troop is simply put: Sun trying to find Fennec, with the rest hanging around +sidemissions...so many sidemissions. I always thought of their part in the au story as "Villain of the week" style, focusing more on their relationships and all the conflicts those may have. They also are the only group not really affiliated with Sekai. Most of the Loids are Rainwings for that reason (not to mention that the snorting crack Sekailoids are naturally part of the snorting crack tribe. You can't look at catgirl Migu and tell me she's not a Rainwing)

There is something noteworthy around Directors animus abilities. I can't imagine Rui Kamishiro not falling into a Stonemover like "My magic causes harm. I'm a horrible monster deserving of solitude" mentality. (not to mention he's essentially the Stonemover of the au)

Niigo

Niigo I had some thoughts. We have the common Mafumom debacle, although that's more of a... gradually overtaking the kingdom through your animus daughter thing, than the canon "My child will be a doctor" conflict.

I think niigo would have somewhat decent hangouts, till Oyster (niigo Miku who's the Seawing princess) finds Siren to check up on Jellyfish. During that meeting Siren sees a vision of Oyster being killed by Jellyfish. Something that naturally unsettles the local "I bring death and doom" believer. Especially since Jellyfish has kept her goodest girliest behavior for the entire time.

Therefore investigations starts! Now we have the all too common question of "What is the cause of this seawing animus massacre?"

Is it

1. The loss of a soul!

or

2. The highly abusive environment

....

Well Charming and Kite at first believe 1. for self-loathing and prejudiced reasons. But gradually Kelps (Mafumoms name... that's why Jellyfish was depicted swimming in a Kelp forest) influences come clear and through some events which I... actually will keep hidden in case I do something with em...they lead from the mafumom conundrum to my beloved Mizuena dilemma.

The gang leaves the island, but before that Charming has to use an enchantment. That naturally hints at them being an animus.

And how most Mizukis'll do in the case of an upcoming outing, Charming runs. Or more flies, although they're a Rainwing, so we could say they disappeared.

In the niigo Story Sekai is involved, Lionfish (Niigo Rin) who is Oysters bodyguard is affiliated with Sekai for the sake of her brother Seahorse (niigoLen). Also Barakuda (niigoKaito) who's the Seawing queens brother and niigo Luka, although she is more of an honorary... not really honorary... member. Mangrove (niigo Meiko) is a Rain/Mudwing spy :Vc

I could talk more, but...I think I worked on this dump for over 5h (with glee I must say)

There's still a lot to yap about (we haven't yet reached the succulent hyperniche spot) but it's a bit more of the general gist (and I think we now caught up with what the folks on insta know)

[breadstickysquid]

my thoughts on endless sunsets, from the pov of someone who is very mentally ill and has a partner they love with their entire heart (cw for talk of mental health and suicide):

so. ow. fuck. godamn. okay then. just MAKE me hurt like that.

i cannot formulate my thoughts coherently right now other than "AAAAHASIDSHFYDUUJIUWAAUUUUGHBBHBGBHGBBBAAAUUHHHH" but i'll do my damn best (beware, this all might be incomprehensible) AND KEEP IN MIND I'm not all caught up on the caimsey lore!!!

this hit me hard. really hard. from both the pov of c!quqqie and from c!aimsey (and all of their friends)

i've struggled with anxiety and depression for 6+ years now. i can't remember a time when i didn't struggle with my mental health.

I was doing really poorly in 2020. i was very depressed, isolated from most of my friends, and constantly behind in school. i was struggling, and at multiple points in the year i was very seriously (but didn't actually make plans) considering ending it all. i was tired.

early 2021 i finally joined twitter, to be able to interact with the mcyt fandom.

through twitter, i met the most important person in my life.

my best friend, my partner, my other half.

it's been far over 2 years since we've met now, and since i met them, my life has become so much better. we hang out of hours on vc, chat daily, and we just, get each other on a deeper level than anyone else i've met. It's cheesy, but I genuinely believe we're soulmates. For ages, we thought we were just best friends, until awhile ago when we realized we were actually queerplatonic, and since then, my days are full of the heartache that I have from just having. So much love for xem. When it's hard for me to see the beauty in life, they help me see it again. When they're feeling down, I'm there to pick them back up. I am theirs and they are mine, we are each other's better halves, together to the end.

A couple years ago, I wouldn't have expected to live past my 20s. Now, I can comfortably see myself growing old, and it's because of my partner.

I see me and my partner in caimsey and cquqqie, and it hits HARD.

I see c!sunshipduo as the world where me and my partner didn't communicate as well, and ended up being too scared of heartbreak after years of having loved ones abandon us, and cutting the relationship off before it could fully bloom.

I saw some people being like "woah, aimsey and quqqie sound so genuinely sad in their acting, thats really impressive. I wonder how" and I can tell you, watching Endless Sunsets, it... it broke me, thinking of me and my partner (or our half-us/half-oc characters) as c!sunshipduo. I imagined losing my partner, either the way that caimsey or cquqqie did, and I cried. I'm still crying as i write this. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my partner, and being a creature of anxiety, i worry about it a lot. I've had nightmares about something bad happening, and never seeing xem again.

Seeing caimsey continue living eased some of that weight in my chest. Because even if things go horribly wrong and something happened to my partner, life goes on. cquqqie would have wanted caimsey to live, and so they did. I now know that I'd do the same.

Idk, I might come back to this either as an edit or a reblog to dump more thoughts, or to actually organize the damn thing.

and yall!! I'd love to see your stories of your feelings regarding the caimsey finale, and how it helped you, if you're comfortable :]

Thank you so much @aimseytv for making this beautiful character that helped both you and us grow as people, becoming who we are today. We will all continue to bloom.

[spider-shoes-archive]

🍓🔄 reverse fucker

you are genuinely such an amazing person and friend who’s introduced me to such a large amount of coop and amazing friends that ill never forget .

youre funny and genuine so seeing you join calls or just say hello to me is so uplifting and can make my entire day. You are one of my first mutuals (that I can remember interacting with) and I will forever be so appreciative of the kindness you’ve shown me. thank you scrimblo.

:( DAAAAY. head in hands thank you so much that means so fucking much to me

i could say the same about you. you’ve been nothing but patient and supportive and generous to me since the day we met, and you are the first mutual that i can remember interacting with so that’s a hell of a long time (we’re coming up on two years day we’ve known each other for two years) and i just. appreciate you more than i can articulate with words but hey. i’ll try

first off you’re just so fucking cool your art is amazing you’re hilarious and creative and your hair is really nice and i look up to you quite a bit. and you’re a bright and comforting presence just talking to you is really really nice :D that one night sitting in vc while you played stray was really lovely and i cherish that a lot. you are loved and and appreciated by me and so many other people i could name so many of them!! i thank you for all you’ve done for me and for the web and for just existing and being you, i love you, and may the world be kinder and gentler and warmer because you deserve it more than anything

[xcyberhex]

well hello, nothing happened. again.

idk how my life can be this boring istg i dont get it.

went to work again, came home and cleaned up a litttle and went to the gym.

gym was okay idk why, eventhough we were supposed to do cardio but then did arms instead lol.

ive been trying to get into the vc where the streamer im currently watching is in but its full and nobody is planning on leaving any time soon, especially since there is another person also waiting to join.

he has his cam on, which i desperately want to see. might be a little crush, could also be because i relate a lot to him and he seems like such a nice person.

of course not everybody who you see on the internet is a good person, but i do feel like he genuinely is one, since he shares so much of his life and his experiences which he has had over the years.

i dunno.

i just hope that 2 people will leave, so i can finally join and talk to him, and not just because he is famous.

im going to cologne tomorrow with my sister and eventually her friend.

only reason is because im planning on buying the hello kitty cup at starbucks.

idk. ill just update whenever. maybe tomorrow? well, today???

who knows at this point, maybe ill get into the damn voice chat cus im curious to know what hes like outside of the streams but like in private-ish, eventhough he wont be 100% open and talk about everything.

see ya.

wednesday 18th september 2024

[yunppeo]

ISTJ - prologue (written/short)

PAIRING ! park jisung x fem!reader

PRÉCIS ! what was supposed to be a fun and silly stream by yourself, you found yourself speaking with another streamer. after laughing and talking with this streamer, your chat loved this new duo that was created. will duo become more than just friends…?

you were doing your (somewhat) daily routine of cleaning up your desk of any trash you forgot to throw out before stream. after, you quickly tweeted out the link to your stream and waited for people to join.

“hey guys!” you changed your starting soon screen to your face cam. “we are streaming roblox, no surprise— there isnt any other game im willing to stream, besides minecraft but i have no patience rn— anyway! what game do you guys want me to play?”

you pause to quickly look at your chat to see their suggestions. “maple hospital?! you want me to play a roleplay gam— okay lets do it.” you search for the game and quickly joined it. “what the fuck am i even supposed to do here?” you explore the game seeing many strange things, including a pregnant man…? u turn on ur vc to ask this man questions.

“why are you pregna— how are you pregnant- AND HAVE DIARRHEA?!”

the other person quickly turns on their vc as well.

“WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME? IM HERE TO KNOW TOO!”

you start laughing, looking at the man. “ill help u king, ill be ur doctor” you change your role to doctor and assisted him. you were so immersed into what you were doing, you didnt notice your chat going crazy.

‘ISNT THAT JISUNG??’

‘THAT IS JISUNG HES ALSO STREAMING THIS’

you glanced at chat and noticed what they were saying. after it registered that it was another streamer you quickly asked him. “wait- are you a streamer—? my chat is saying you are, are you ‘parksung’?” you stood infront of him waiting for his answer. “erm. maybe.— wait chat? youre streaming too?” you laugh. “i am, im solelyy/n, or officialjb.. on twitter” you hold in your laughter as you move your little avatar around waiting for his response.

“wait i think ive heard of you.”

he pauses and clicking is heard from his end. “yeah i have! you went like viral for like scaring children on some roblox game you made right..?” you laugh awkward looking at your chat. “yeah... anyway. whyre you a pregnant man with diarrhea..” you let out a small chuckle looking back and forth to your chat and your main computer screen.

“its 2024. anything’s possible.”

after a few more minutes of talking and playing with jisung, both of your guys’ chat loved you guys together and demanded more of this new duo. “hey, my chat wants me to uhh… keep playing with you, you down to keep playing?”

you look over at your chat with a small smile. “sure, my chats saying the same thing honestly.”

after you both played roblox for hours, you finally said your goodbyes to jisung and your chat.

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TAGLIST ! (open) @junviadinho @jaeminnanaaa17 @finmls @sunghoonsgfreal @leleminnie

[shoebillstork]

skipperrr ii miss vcing with you, but I don't have much of an excuse to sit in vcs. You're very fun to talk to!!!

OHHHH ill try joining vcs more often while im doing hoemwork then!!! I tend to focus better while talk ily 😁💚

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw: grooming?, references/mentions to self-harm and suicide

hi so im just sort of. like. going through it right now and ive got like two weeks before i can see my therapist again and id just kinda like a spot to talk about it and stuff so. yk. here i am

for context, when i was like 12 i was Intensely lonely. i went to school in the most desolate, miserable "town" in rural ireland, and idk if you know this but ireland is Kind of Shit. like not terrible awful but just. not. Veery good in terms of bigotry and bullying (+ kids are cruel).

i have autism (that was only diagnosed AFTER i was out of primary school, go figure) which made me a prime target for bullying (mainly in the sense of intense exclusion and social neglect, briefly and rarely broken up by people walking up to me to laugh at me and make a joke out of me). i had like one friend who i hardly spoke to, my grandfather had died that year and i was knee-deep in a self-harm Deal (i refuse to say addiction for my own comfort).

so, as all lonely, mentally unwell children who had unrestricted access to the internet did, i went online to try and make friends. i joined one of those "mental health support" discord servers and started trying to talk to people. i was objectively a lot more Outgoing as a child, so i joined voice calls and spoke in there pretty often to try and socialise. and at one point, in one of the servers (i joined multiple), a certain guy joined the vc, and once everyone left he dm'd me. ill just call him H for convenience (+ iirc his name started with an h? i dont remember though)

i dont remember exactly how he started talking to me (in terms of like, how the conversation went), but we just sorta started talking regularly after.

he asked me about what music i listened to (which was, conveniently, one of the few things i was able to talk about with enthusiasm), asked if my parents knew i listened to music like that. hed ask me to send him picture of my cuts if i self-harmed ("to gauge how bad they were", according to him) ((though of course he specified to "not send them if they were on my tits" <- verbatim)), would just randomly talk about sexual topics (not often, but still). at one point he sent me a picture of a condom he found in a bin at work. sometimes hed just send me pictures of himself just like. hanging out. just of his face and stuff, yk? and idk when i started or why but id send him pictures of myself as well. i sent him a picture of my hair when i first had it cut short. he complimented me a lot. called me cute and pretty and stuff like that. and it was nice because of course it was. at one point im pretty sure he said i seemed more mature for my age (which he knew, since i TOLD him). he was like, 24 i think. hed vent to me a lot as well, and obviously id try to comfort him because i viewed him as like, a friend and stuff. we voice-called pretty often. iirc he specifically asked me to voice call with him. (a lot of this is vague because his account disappeared at some point. idk if he just unfriended me or if he deleted his account) and i vented back to him about how lonely i was and stuff and because i FINALLY had someone who would like. listen to me. someone to talk to, yk?

at some point he texted me at like. 9 pm or whatever telling me he was going to kill himself (a thing which he repeatedly talked to me about). he sent me a picture of himself crying and fucking obviously i panicked i was 12. so i tried to like, convince him not to (and asked another group of people i knew ((who were ALSO all adults)) for help and they didnt really do anything. and also didnt think this was fucking WEIRD. thanks for fucking nothing, tim.) but then H just kinda like. went offline at some point and left me to panic. he was fine though, but he just sorta started ghosting me after that and i had other stuff to focus on at that point so it just kinda. ended like that.

i only remembered any of this recently (which like, i have issues with my short-term memory as is, but like, all this shit happened ages ago and impacted me a lot. i cant talk to people online without being worried im being a creep and stuff) and i didnt really realise how fucking WEIRD it was. but like im still so, yk, confused and self-doubt-y about it. it makes me feel better to call it grooming but i also feel like a fake for it because "oh what if im WRONG. such trauma is not meant for me because such trauma would mean i have some sort of community i could get help from and be a part of, and im not IMPORTANT enough to have impactful, Real trauma" which is just, so dumb but i cant really stop myself.

idk what im expecting to get from sending this but like. i just want something, yk? sorry

-aries

Hey aries,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. It sounds like there may have been some grooming involved that led to a very intense situation that, honestly, a 12 year old should not have to deal with. I can also understand the hurt and confusion around him being fine but ghosting you afterwards, as not having closure to an experience like that can feel betraying and disorienting. It makes sense that this had a major impact on you, especially considering that this happened at such a formative time of your life.

It sounds like you may be dealing with self-gaslighting or self-victim blaming surrounding this experience, and please know that you're not alone. But I think it's worth considering that what you went through could definitely be distressing, scary, and involves a life threatening situation with a lot of uncertainty, which is how a lot of people develop trauma, so please know that it's valid to feel traumatized by this experience. Additionally, you deserve support and sense of community, although it may be hard to internalize when you have thoughts that try to convince you otherwise.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could be invaluable to you as you navigate your healing journey. A therapist could work with you to process this trauma and explore these thoughts that can cause obstacles in your healing process.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[shinshoyu]

//vent

i hhhhate how many things just keep going wrong in my LIFE like PLEASEEEE

everyone piles up on me all at the same time and i'm never mad about what i actually should be mad about i get mad about the things that shouldn't matter as much as they do like my microphone not being perfect or my headphones only liking one port on my laptop.

im just so tired of being angry all the time and idk maybe im trying to project it onto mediocre things so the big things can be dealt with and not snapped about but i snap about the little things that it's not even worth snapping over and im just. im tired

i almost started crying because my expensive headphones and my expensive microphone don't work or sound the way i want them to and it's just upsetting me so much. and it's not even a big deal because yknow what? so what! fucking sell the shit and get better shit! what's the issue with that? oh is ir because you're an egotistical little bitch who believes they're above selling things to get better things? fucking hell.

not to mention what im really frustrated about are people and school and i don't want to be upset about either of those things but i cant stop being angry abt them and it's like fuck just shut UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

i try to make myself feel better and it gets worse and it makes me angrier and i think hanging out with people will help because it gets me out of my self depreciating moods but it serves to turn those negative emotions into different negative emotions that i bottle up because it's not appropriate to deal with them the way i feel i need to and it's just UGH

i just want people to shut the fuck UP your voices grind on my gears and remind me of horrible times in my life and you talk about your life that you barely have because of how fucking chronically online you are and you boast about all your fucking mental illnesses but it doesn't give you an excuse to not be courteous to others. ok yeah sure you're autistic well so am i and i'm still a nice fucking person. i cant even get a word in because you fucking assholes keep talking about things that make me want to die and if i speak up about it your ass pins any type of hatred you can on me. i don't fucking CARE what mental illnesses you have or what religion you follow or what color your fucking skin is i don't give a flying fuck about those things. what i fucking care about is keeping myself stable and safe and i cant do that when you accuse me of hatred for SETTING A BOUNDARY. i am SCARED to speak up for myself because the second i do i am attacked and i KNOW you would do the same thing.

like if you join a vc full of people in a completely separate server who aren't a part of your other servers or anything like that, should you really just be talking about what happened in your other vc? it's just the two of you talking. it's like you're fucking debriefing and the rest of us, or at least i, don't want to fucking hear it. i don't want to hear about how loud and chaotic and overwhelming the vc was. i don't want to hear about what scandal happened in the massive pool of voices you can barely discern. i don't want to hear about what game you played because it's always the same and it always reminds me of the worst, lowest point in my life and you just keep fucking talking. you keep going and going and going and you don't stop and let other people talk.

god and your fucking dni and shit are so specific like i hate to say this but fucking grow up. get a therapist and learn how to deal with your shit, because you can't get mad at someone for existing in their own space that you invade. god fucking forbid i like listening to melanie martinez and hollywood undead. oh no, i'm so sorry, do my choices that don't affect you traumatize you and now you have a new alter in your 500+ system? grow the fuck up. MY music choice shouldn't affect YOUR BRAIN. my BOUNDARIES about certain games and topics shouldn't affect YOUR LIFE.

like be so fucking for real right now. be SO fucking for real. if you have a problem with someone or something, fucking block them. that's the beauty of the fucking internet. if you have such a problem with those things don't hide it in your little carrd with all the other bullshit you hate, deal with it like the rest of us and get some fucking therapy. you need to learn healthier coping mechanisms rather than relying on other people to bend to your life. fuck off.