#chronic pain buck fic

[theotherbuckley]

Tease Tidbit Tuesday/WIP Wednesday

As it is Wednesday here I've decided to combine the days and just do one post.

Tagged for TTT by: @loserdiaz @loveyouanyway @wikiangela @underwater-ninja-13 @actualalligator @daffi-990 @honestlydarkprincess @hippolotamus @dangerpronebuddie thanks for the tags everyone, tagging you all back for Wednesday 💜💜

Here's some more from chronic pain!Buck fic - I thought I'd finish it today but I have a test tomorrow and like 5 assignments to do so I'm gonna be a good girl and actually study. In the meantime, here's a snippet:

��I’ve got you,” Eddie murmurs softly. Buck feels so soft, so protected.

His emotions towards the man are fighting to be set free with every act of kindness he displays. Buck is in awe of him. In awe of just how incredibly perfect he is. How he always knows exactly what it is Buck needs, how he has this sixth sense to know when Buck’s struggling and is always there to help him. How he stays even when Buck is being too much. 

Also, Buck loves how fucking strong this man is that he can lift Buck up and deposit him in the bathtub in one swift motion because holy shit. Buck has to fight his body to stay calm. Now is most certainly not the time for any funny business. Buck yelps as Eddie lowers him into the water, expecting to be met with something too hot or too cold but no, of course Eddie has some magical power of making sure the water is just right. 

He must’ve made some noise to voice his thoughts because then Eddie is saying, “Chris always complains when the temperature’s not perfect, so I hope it’s to your liking.”

Buck sinks into the warm water, letting the water soothe his aches. He plays with the foamy bubbles that have gathered on the surface, feeling like a kid getting a bubble bath. He smiles dopily at Eddie as the pain slowly subsides to a more bearable level. “Thank you,” Buck murmurs, closing his eyes and leaning back in the tub.

Tagging for WIP Wednesday: @disasterbuckdiaz @fortheloveofbuddie @jeeyuns @wildlife4life @honestlydarkprincess @eddiebabygirldiaz @spagheddiediaz @jesuisici33 @your-catfish-friend @ladydorian05 @giddyupbuck @eowon @elvensorceress @watchyourbuck @steadfastsaturnsrings @housewifebuck @thewolvesof1998 @rainbow-nerdss @cal-daisies-and-briars @evanbegins @diazsdimples @fionaswhvre @aspecbuddie @lover-of-mine @nmcggg @tizniz @monsterrae1 @smilingbuckley @pirrusstuff @actuallyitsellie @bucksbackwardcap (let me know if you'd like to be added/removed <3)

[plasticbagdepot]

perfect arrangement of rickety bones

2.8k | buddie | buck has chronic pain

Buck used to never mind the rain, he loved it.

The rain doesn’t bring him joy anymore. It brings rapidly changing atmospheric pressure, and cold, and pain.

or Buck deals with a chronic pain flare up

[read on ao3]

[pigeonxp]

me 🤝 amputee buck fics

[peppermintquartz]

I really love your fics! I'm in a bad flare up rn and want someone else to suffer, so my bucktommy prompt is: hurt/comfort and chronic (chronic pain, chronic illness, etc)

The thing about having a repaired left leg is that, no matter how good it holds up, it still carries the memories of the damage. Some days Buck is able to ignore any mild twinges of discomfort and focus on his work. Other days, like today, he is giving serious thought to chewing off the limb with his own teeth.

No one notices him white knuckling through the last call of the shift, which is good, because the last thing Buck wants is to be unable to hold up his own end. But the pain is a constant throbbing soreness that occasionally deviates into a stabbing agony, and he has to take slow, deep breaths to keep walking. He almost wishes it was a fire they had been responding to, because then adrenaline will help suppress the aches and pains.

In the shower, tears of frustration and agony are pouring from his eyes, disguised by the tepid spray. He manages to hold it together until he gets to his locker, when his left leg decides that it is done for the day and buckles abruptly, sending him to the floor.

"Buck?" Eddie hurries over and helps him to the bench. "What the hell? Did you strain yourself?"

"I'm fine," Buck says, perspiration beading over his brow. "I just need a couple minutes."

Eddie stares at him. "As if. I'll drive you home."

"No, don't," Buck grits out.

"You're in no shape to drive."

"No, I meant, drive me to Tommy's." Buck hates the way his voice wobbles. "No stairs to the guest bedroom."

With a sympathetic pat on his shoulder, Eddie sits with Buck until the latter is able to stand, and they walk/hobble to Eddie's truck. Bending his leg to get in the truck brings tears to Buck's eyes.

Before he starts the engine, Eddie asks, "You want to text Tommy? Or do you want me to give him a call?"

"I have a key, I can let us in."

Eddie snorts. "Not about that. I meant, to help get a hot bath ready, prep your painkillers, sort of thing?"

Buck almost says no. Almost. Because if he had asked this of Taylor or Natalia or Ali or even Abby, it'd have felt like an imposition.

But this is Tommy. Tommy likes making sure he's comfortable, likes keeping him warm and fed and happy.

"Yeah, you can call him," Buck says quietly.

He rolls the hem of his tee shirt in his fingers as Tommy's voice comes over speakerphone. Eddie updates him rapidly, and Buck tries not to tear up when Tommy immediately says, "I'll get everything ready. Drive safe, Eddie, and Evan, sweetheart? Don't worry, I'll take care of you once you're home. See you in a bit."

Eddie hangs up. "He's a good one."

Buck bites his knuckle when another spasm of pain ripples through his left leg. Yet it feels almost bearable now that he has Tommy's care to look forward to. "Yeah, he really is."

[loulovingho]

Bucktommy prompt: Tommy is dealing with chronic pain and Buck helps him through it.

Part 3 of my injured Tommy fic

If Tommy were being honest, there were some positives to being paralyzed. The first time he'd told Evan as much, he'd stared back at him with eyebrows raised and a face that said, “I can't wait to see where this is going.”

So Tommy had gone through the list he'd made in his head.

1. He always got the best parking spots.

2. Little old ladies now helped him in the grocery store.

3. People were constantly opening doors for him.

4. He'd get to board first on a plane... as soon as he and Evan figured out where they were going to go for their honeymoon.

5. Sometimes people let him cut in line.

6. He'd learned how to do some sick ass wheelies!

Buck had laughed along with his list, even adding a few himself.

7. Bigger hotel rooms.

8. Tommy's biceps were larger than Buck thought humanly possible.

9. If Buck got tired of walking, he could just sit on Tommy's lap and get a free ride.

And while these things were all good and true, there were plenty of things that made Tommy's new life far more difficult.

One of which were the body spasms.

He'd been warned about them in the hospital. Had a few of them before he'd been discharged. Learned how to deal with them, for the most part, through physical therapy. He'd also been put on muscle relaxants, sleeping pills, and antidepressants.

Which really only caused more problems, because he spent the better part of a month feeling so doped up that he was asleep more than he was awake.

His doctors changed doses and moved around schedules, trying to find the perfect balance, but Tommy hated the pills no matter what.

They didn't only impact his day to day life, but also his ability and desire for sex.

And God, as his body recovered and he and Buck settled into their new normal, he really wanted to want to have sex.

Adjustments already had to be made do to the reduction of sensation he felt around his pelvis. Things got weaker and weaker from there, reduced to no feeling at all in his legs.

They'd had their quickie wedding at the courthouse in February, followed by a ceremony with family the next month, and started planning a honeymoon in the summer. And that's when Tommy decided he was going to cut back on some of his medications, and cut others out completely. He was not going to spend his honeymoon in a half daze, not caring whether or not his drop dead gorgeous husband was naked on top of him.

Buck had protested at first. He'd made it clear that sex didn't mean everything to him. The things they still did do were pretty damn great, and it wasn't worth Tommy being in pain.

But Tommy insisted.

So they'd met with his doctors and come up with a plan. He could go off the sleeping pills, taking them only when needed. They'd reduce the antidepressant in increments. And muscle relaxants could be used as needed as well.

For the most part, everything went fairly smoothly. His spasticity would rear its ugly head from time to time, but it wasn't anything unmanageable.

Until, one night, it was.

He should have known it was going to be a bad night. He'd been restless and uncomfortable all day long. He'd go from his wheelchair, to the couch, to the wheelchair, to the dining room chair, to the wheelchair, to the bed, then back to the wheelchair.

He'd tried wheeling around the neighborhood, usually enjoying using his arms to push himself around, but today he just felt stiff.

The muscle relaxants in the kitchen cabinet had been calling his name, but he'd resisted. Evan was coming off a forty-eight hour shift tonight, and he'd already texted Tommy a picture of himself all sweaty, no shirt on, telling him he was gonna get himself all cleaned up for Tommy.

And Tommy wanted nothing more than to give him everything he wanted, because he wanted it too. Which was a damn good feeling to have back.

He hoped that sex would help his body relax.

It didn't.

He'd gotten through it though, with a few little twinges of pain in his chest and back. Nothing too severe. And with Buck on top of him, his body flushed red, head tossed back and mouth hanging open, the pleasure overrode the pain.

It didn't get really bad until after Buck had fallen asleep. Tommy wasn't sure how long he laid there, trying to stay as still as possible so he didn't wake Evan.

Even as the pain started to radiate up his back, he clenched his teeth to keep himself from groaning.

Then it went to his chest, causing his breath to hitch. The spasm made his back arch off the bed. If it didn't hurt so bad, he would have made some sort of exorcist joke.

His hands gripped onto the fitted sheet and he could feel a vibration.

His legs were probably shaking. He couldn't feel it, but it always happened when he had these spasms, even the minor ones.

He couldn't hardly get a breath. Not while fighting to be quiet. Not while his back and chest felt like they were becoming harder than a rock.

Finally, he unclenched his jaw and let out a half-moan, half-gasp.

“Ev- Evan,” he huffed out, releasing his grip on the sheet to smack his hand down on the bed. Tommy couldn't quite reach out far enough to touch him. Not when everything was seizing up like this. “Evan!” he repeated, louder this time.

Even in his deep sleep, Buck must've realized something was wrong. One second he was dead to the world, and the next he was jumping up, tossing the covers off of them both.

“What? What's wrong?” he said, clumsily reaching over to the nightstand and turning on the lamp.

Tommy squeezed his eyes shut against the light. He didn't feel like seeing himself right now.

It took Buck's brain a few seconds to catch up to the sight in front of him. When he finally registered what was happening, he headed for the door. “I'm gonna get your meds.”

“No!” Tommy yelled, sucking in a breath. “D- Don't.”

“Tommy, you need your muscle relaxant.”

“I- I can't.” He managed to bring a hand to his throat, hoping Evan understood.

“You can't swallow right now,” Buck replied. It wasn't a question.

“Mhm. Just... Just-”

“Massage?” Buck guessed, getting to Tommy's side of the bed in record speed. “You think that would help this time?”

Figuring out the correct responses to these episodes was always a guessing game. Sometimes touch could make it worse. Tommy was pretty sure nothing could make it any worse right now.

“Mm... Mhm.” His jaw was getting so tight he could barely open his mouth.

“I'm gonna move you onto your side.” Very carefully, Buck turned Tommy's rigid body so he was facing away from him. It was an awkward angle, and he was having to do most of the work to keep Tommy on his side, but he managed to get into a position where he could start to dig the palm of his hand into Tommy's back.

At first, he was so tight Buck worried he was going to hurt him even more by massaging him. But, Tommy's breathing seemed to become a little fuller, and the groaning died down a bit.

So Buck continued. He'd alternate between using his palm, his fist, his thumb, to dig into the muscles and get them to loosen.

After a few minutes, Tommy had quieted down completely. His body relaxed into the bed as he flopped the rest of the way onto his stomach. The shaking in his legs subsided. He no longer felt like he was going to shatter into a million little pieces.

Still, Buck continued his massage. He worked up Tommy's neck, massaged his head, down to his shoulders, his back. He even massaged over his legs and feet, letting Tommy know what he was doing so he wouldn't think Buck had just left the room.

After about half an hour, Buck rested his hand at the center of Tommy's back. “Feel better?” he asked quietly, unsure if Tommy was even still awake at this point.

“Mhm. Thank you,” Tommy replied. He paused, blushing before starting to ask, “Did I... Do I need..?” He couldn't quite get the words out. Did I piss myself? Do I need to get up so we can change the sheets and clean me up?

It happened sometimes, when his body seized up. And while he nearly had full bladder control back, everything went haywire when it came to his spasms.

“No, you're good,” Buck answered, and Tommy thanked whoever might be listening that they were able to read each other's minds. “Think you can turn back over now?”

“Yeah. Yes, I- you'll have to help me though.”

“Of course.”

Once Tommy was resting comfortably on his back, head propped up under two pillows, Buck stared down at him. “You knew it was gonna happen today, didn't you?”

Tommy sighed. There was no point in lying. “Yeah. Not this bad though.”

“And you didn't take a pill earlier?”

“No.”

Buck sucked in a shaky breath as he nodded. He didn't answer. Didn't say a word. He simply turned and headed into the bathroom.

Tommy listened as he turned the sink on. It ran for a while, then Buck was back by his side. He ran a warm washcloth over Tommy's face, Tommy closing his eyes and melting into the touch.

Once Buck had finished wiping off his face, he started on his chest.

Tommy blinked his eyes back open, studying Buck.

He was tense, eyebrows knitted together as he focused on cleaning the sweat from Tommy's body.

Tommy's eyes drifted to Buck's hand, shaking ever so slightly.

He reached out and placed his hand over Buck's, gently gripping his wrist. Finally, Buck made eye contact with him.

“Please don't be mad,” Tommy said, knowing it was unfair even as he said it. Still, he hated to see Evan disappointed. Wasn't sure if he could handle it right now.

But as he looked further into Evan's eyes, he didn't see anger.

He saw fear, and sadness. Red-rimmed, wet with unshed tears that were threatening to spill over.

“M'not mad,” he replied, clearing his throat. “I- I'm upset. I don't like seeing you in pain, Tommy.”

“I know. I'm sorry.”

“You don't have to be sorry. Just don't do it again. I can't... I can't enjoy being with you- having sex with you,” he clarified, “if I think you're hurting yourself for it.”

“I know, Evan. I just... I just wanted to be with you tonight. Wanted to feel good. Wanted to make you feel good.”

Buck tossed the rag onto the nightstand, sitting down on the bed beside Tommy. “You know what makes me feel good?” he started, resting two fingers under Tommy's chin so he couldn't look away. “Seeing you comfortable makes me feel good. Us enjoying dinner together makes me feel good. Going for a walk in the evening, watching movies, going out for ice cream, you holding me in your arms, getting to hold you in mine, kissing you for hours and hours. All those things, plus like a million more, make me feel good. Sex is fun, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it because damn you've got some moves,” he said, getting a smile out of Tommy, “but it's not everything to me. You are everything to me. I know we can't always prevent spasticity, but when we can, it would make me feel good if we did. Got it?”

Tommy nodded, giving himself a few seconds before verbally responding. “You can't just say stuff like that to me, you know,” he said, choked up. “I'm a softy now.”

Buck scoffed, rolling his eyes playfully. “You were always a softy,” he informed Tommy, leaning in for a kiss.

“I'm gonna go get your pills now, okay?”

“Okay.” Before Buck could get too far, Tommy reached out and grabbed at his hand. “Hey. Have I told you lately that I love you?”

Buck cocked his head, giving Tommy a glare. “If you start singing Rod Stewart to me, I will divorce you.”

“No, seriously, Baby,” Tommy said, keeping a straight face. “Have I told you there's no one else above you?”

“I already know a good attorney.”

“You fill my heart with gladness,” Tommy continued, grinning, “take away all my sadness.”

Buck wriggled his hand free of Tommy's grasp, heading out toward the kitchen. “If you hear the front door slam, I'll be back later for my things.”

Tommy's smile only widened as he yelled out, “You ease my troubles, that's what you do!”

[buddierecs]

infidelity buddie fics

this list has different rated fics, so please look at the rating make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :) (also i don't condone cheating/infidelity, but i am eating these fics up oops.)

three strikes and you're out by: eightpackdiaz "buck's soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend chooses to ignore him every time the kiss cam points in their direction. eddie does the opposite" word count: 3.1k rating: teen and up important tags: cheating, tommy kinard bashing, kiss cam, jealous!eddie diaz, first kiss, getting together i slept with someone from 118 and all i got was a broken nose (eddie diaz can't relate) by: sterrenhemel ".....still, he punches tommy square in the fucking nose." word count: 4.4k rating: general audience important tags: non-graphic violence, cheating, protective!eddie diaz, tommy kinard bashing, chronic pain, getting together, first kiss counting pulses by: tinydancerr "eddie diaz’s life is going great. he’s in therapy, he’s got a great girlfriend, a great kid, his friend is getting married to the woman of his dreams, and his best friend just came out to him. now his best friend is dating their new friend. things are going great. he promises." word count: 63k rating: teen and up important tags: eddie diaz centric, catholic guilt, ocd, co-parenting, emotional infidelity, therapy, slow burn, jealous!eddie diaz something touched me (like a knife-blade) by: kithmet "eddie self-implodes. christopher, seeking refuge, flees to buck—whose priorities amount to, in varying order: take in the kid, get eddie to talk to him, and keep the three of them afloat in the process. (oh, and tommy’s there too. he thinks.)" word count: 42k rating: explicit important tags: co-parenting, emotional infidelity, possessive behaviour, sexuality crisis, mutual pining, getting together, anal sex, masturbation what if i can't have us by: woodchoc_magnum "in which eddie is dating marisol; buck's dating tommy, and eddie has feelings about that, which he simply does. not. understand." word count: 47k rating: explicit important tags: emotional infidelity, mutual pining, catholic guilt, getting together, team as family, eventual smut oopsie daisy (never knew that was your boo, baby) by: ameliahart "five times Buck cheats on Tommy with Eddie, and one time he doesn't." word count: 5.4k rating: explicit important tags: 5+1 things, cheating, sneaking around, sexting, blow jobs, anal sex, getting together mixed messages by: coldbam "eddie accidentally receives a text meant for buck's boyfriend." word count: 2.6k rating: explicit important tags: cheating, phone sex, sexting, getting together, love confessions how could you not know (all this time) by: deadsapphicssociety "in which the 118 holds a movie night for chris's school, buck's boyfriend is a flaky loser, bobby knows too much, and eddie suffers. greatly." word count: 5.7k rating: mature important tags: cheating, pining, making out, hand holding, frottage, tommy kinard bashing nothing wrong with me loving you by: cranberrymoons "buck and eddie watch red white and royal blue together; one thing leads to another (aka: the sexting fic)" word count: 4.4k rating: explicit important tags: cheating, sexing, dick pics, masturbation, praise kink, dirty talk, dom/sub undertones no place like by: clytemnestra "buck and eddie and the many paths home." word count: 51k rating: explicit important tags: cheating, angst, hurt/comfort, mental health issues, getting together, love confessions drink up (you're wasted on me) by: okanus "eddie and buck hook up at the bachelor party. difficulties ensue." word count: 9.5k rating: explicit important tags: cheating, flirting, sexual tension, drunk sex, hand jobs, possessive!eddie diaz, jealous!eddie diaz, praise kink mask over my eyes and arrow through the heart by: youbetsya "buck is getting married. he is." word count: 35k rating: explicit important tags: emotional infidelity, angst, idiots in love, coming out, jealous!eddie diaz, hand jobs, blow jobs, come eating

[al-the-remix]

BuckTommy Whump Week Day 4: Prompts: Getting shot // Chronic pain

Another fic for @bucktommywhumpweek! I'm hoping to finish a few more of these before the week is actually over, lol. Rated: E ... I don't know if this really qualifies as whump (like my last whump week fic 💀) but I just can't help making them all sappy atm.

What people didn’t know about bullets was that they rarely went through-and-through in a nice neat manner; not through walls, or car doors, or flesh. They bounced around inside you like a rubber ball, inflicting the most damage possible. 

Buck had seen the aftermath more times than would have liked to. 

The memory of being called to his first GSW was a visceral one, it had been a domestic dispute and once they’d loaded the victim into the bus, Hen had rubbed his back as he’d thrown up into some nearby shrubbery. Buck could still feel the acid burn in the back of his throat when he remembered it. 

He’d seen cadaver photos in his text books, but those never compared to the real thing. The sheer volume of blood that poured out of people was enough to make him nauseous just thinking about it. The cartoonish version of a bullet hole that he’d carried around in his head for most of his life just hadn’t held up. 

Maybe it had been shortsighted of him, but Buck had never taken the time to consider what might come later; not until Tommy had taken Buck’s hand in his own and laid it over the meat of his shoulder and let Buck feel the little knobs of bullet fragments lodged there, like ball bearings trapped beneath his skin. 

“Do they bother you?” Buck asked, in wonder. 

“Not often,” Tommy replied, his hand still blanketing Buck’s as he let him dig his fingers into his shoulder muscle like he would be more than happy to just leave it there forever. “Most of the time I forget they're even there.”

Buck found that hard to believe. He couldn’t imagine having a foreign object stuck in his body and not obsessing over it every moment of every day. 

Tommy was giving him an amused, knowing look. 

“What?” 

“You’re going to be thinking about those for a while aren’t you?”

Buck huffed, rolling his eyes. It was a little unsettling maybe, sometimes, being understood so through and quickly by another person. He liked it; it made him feel all shivery and warm inside, but more importantly it made him feel daring. Bold. 

“Yeah, maybe I will.”

Tommy took Buck’s hand in his own: his palm big, warm and dry, and slid it down to rest on the muscular curve of his outer thigh. “There’s some more over here too,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows as Buck gave all the nice warm flesh there a squeeze.

There wasn’t a lot of talking after that, but Tommy had been right, Buck had thought about it for a while, his mind stuck on invisible scars and mementoes carried around inside you that no one else could see. 

///

Buck wasn’t sure if it was the thunder or the soft orange glow spilling into the mezzanine that woke him. Quiet noises came from the kitchen below, the muted purr of the kettle and the shuffle of Tommy’s socked feet against the tile. Tommy had still been in Buck’s bed when he’d fallen asleep hours ago, tucked up against Tommy’s side as Tommy read by the lamp light.

Buck pulled on his sweatpants and made his way down to the main floor, feeling oddly awake for 4 am. He rarely had a bad night’s sleep when Tommy was with him, taking up space in Buck’s bed and stealing his covers. 

Tommy sent him a guilty look when he noticed Buck, like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been, not pulling honey from Buck’s kitchen cabinet. He was wearing one of Buck’s old hoodies and some sleep shorts. The circles under his eyes were dark and deep. “I didn’t want to wake you,” he whispered like Buck might be standing there in front of him, still asleep.

“I don’t mind,” Buck said and meant it. He wasn't the one with the shift in far too few hours.

Buck leaned back against the edge of the counter crossing his arms as he did, and settled in. He knew whatever was bothering Tommy would work its way out on its own, like a splinter buried beneath skin. He watched quietly as Tommy stirred honey into his tea. Buck was no stranger to sleepless nights and aching bones. Tommy had sat with him through some of the more recent bad nights, endlessly patient. 

Buck watched him closely, quietly analyzing the tilt of his body and the clench of his jaw as Tommy leaned against the counter opposite him. The cool light from the stove hugged the contours of his face, digging out dark wedges beneath those cheekbones that could cut glass. 

“Well, aren't you gonna ask?”

Buck shrugged. “I figured I'd just wait you out.”

Tommy sighed, setting his mug to the side. He was smart enough to know when he was on the losing side of a battle. “It's the scar tissue around the shrapnel I've still got in me. Every so often it begins to pull in uncomfortable ways and makes it impossible to get settled.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

Tommy tilted his head like he was really considering Buck and his words. “Honestly I don't know, I normally just take an Ibuprofen and put on a movie or something and try to just ignore it.”

“Well, I think we can do better than that,” Buck said, and Tomy raised a brow, curiosity peaked.

With hands planted firmly on Tommy’s shoulders, Buck guided him back upstairs to bed and got him splayed out on his belly across the center of the mattress on a towel, sweater-less, with his arms tucked comfortably under his head. 

“Finally, just where I want you,” Buck teased as he straddled Tommy’s waist, reaching for the massage oil. He could feel Tommy’s laugh vibrate through his ribcage, muffled by the pillow.

Buck admired the span of Tommy’s back as he warmed the oil up between his hands, deciding where to begin. The bullet and shrapnel scars were faint now, Buck knew their locations by memory and feel alone. He started by smoothing his hands up the center of Tommy’s back, following the column of his spine and the thick muscles flanking it, getting Tommy warmed up and used to his touch before applying more pressure. 

Buck always preferred to talk while he worked, and with Tommy the smooth flow of words came easy. If he let himself, he could probably let his mouth run for hours, and Tommy would listen. 

“You know, I wanted to be a masseuse for a while.”

Tommy hummed, his eyes had drifted shut when Buck began to work on the tight knot of tissue just below his shoulder blade, he peeled one open now, offering Buck an amused look over his shoulder. “And which hunky guy did you follow that career into?”

“Ha ha,” Buck said, poking his fingers playfully into Tommy's side, just to watch him squirm. “Actually, it was after working at the ranch, there was this ex bronco rider, who had compressed his spine one too many times, mucking out stalls with me. He told me all about how his girlfriend had taken massage therapy classes to help him with his back because his insurance wouldn’t cover the treatment.” 

“Ah, so it was a hunky girl that time.”

Buck chuckled. He liked how easy it was to talk with Tommy about stuff like this; he wasn’t ashamed of  himself or his past, but he was wary of how people might perceive him because of it. He’d wanted so badly for Tommy to think of him as a serious person, to know that Buck was all in. That dating him didn’t imply some sort of unspoken risk–and with Tommy it never had. 

“You know me–I always liked the idea of helping people, I just didn't know how, yet.” 

“Maybe I’m being selfish, but I think you ended up right where you were supposed to be,” Tommy said, and groaned in pleasure when Buck really started working at the scar tissue webbed deep within his back muscle.

“How’s that feel?” Buck asked, anticipating Tommy's approval.

“Fucking awesome.”

Buck grinned. He knew he was good with his hands, but it was a whole nother thing entirely to be good with his hands for Tommy. Pleased with himself, a heavy satisfaction settled warm in the pit of his stomach. He loved everything about this: having Tommy pliable and relaxed beneath him, working slick skin over with his hands, making Tommy feel good, being able to help in some small way.

Buck shuffled down, straddling Tommy’s leg so he could work his fingers into the outside of Tommy’s thigh where he knew a metal shard the size of his thumbnail lived. That one had been logged in there when an IED had struck the lead vehicle in their convoy, and some of Buck’s satisfaction melted away as he thought about just how many close calls his boyfriend’s body was littered with. He was normally the one getting shit for taking risks, but in truth Tommy was just as guilty as he was. 

Tommy had gone completely boneless underneath him, his skin pink and a little shiny from having Buck’s oiled up hands all over him. He continued to rub gently circles into his skin even after he’d finished with the final shrapnel wound he knew of, running his nails lightly over the thick swirls of hair on the backs of Tommy’s legs. 

Tommy shifted his hips against the mattress, spreading his legs a little wider. Buck knew that move, and that satisfaction in his gut twisted and flared back to life. He slid his hands up the backs of Tommy’s thighs as slowly as he could handle.

“Are you hard?” he asked, worming his fingers under the hem of Tommy’s shorts when he reached them. 

“Yeah,” Tommy sighed. “That felt really good, but, uh, we don’t have to do anything, you must be tired and–”

He was starting to sound way too with it for Buck’s liking. Buck dug his thumbs into the soft inner flesh of Tommy’s thighs and let his hips roll in a slow, pointed drag along the back of Tommy’s leg so there was no way he could miss the semi Buck was sporting.

Tommy’s muscles jumped under his hands as he groaned. “Okay, Okay, you’ve made your point. Help me out of these–”

Buck was more than happy to peel Tommy’s shorts down his legs as Tommy lifted his hips obligingly. He had half a mind to just dump a generous amount of the oil on Tommy’s big pale ass and go to town, but he had a feeling that would probably ruin the [slowly winding] mood they’d built. 

In a show of what he considered great restraint, Buck slipped a slick hand between Tommy’s thighs, rolling his balls softly in the palm of his hand just to hear the noises he would make. Quiet chuffs and deep groans were muffled by the pillow as Tommy ground his hips in lazy circles against the mattress and back into Buck’s hand, and Buck was starting to think he’d never get over how good it felt to have another man like this: a big body to push and pull and work at until it ultimately unraveled.

Buck stretched up so he could press a kiss to the thick curve of Tommy’s shoulder, not caring one bit about the oil that still clung to his skin. He let his hand drift up and rubbed his slick fingers indulgently over Tommy’s asshole, gratified by the way he moaned and pushed into it. 

“You can if you want to,” Tommy said, breathless, and Buck could tell without even looking at his face how gone he was just from having Buck’s hands on him. 

“I have a better idea,” Buck said, pulling at Tommy’s hip. “Here–roll onto your side for me.”

It didn’t take Tommy long to clue in once Buck pressed himself all up along his back and reached for the bottle of oil again, slicking his dick up in the shallow space between their bodies. 

His body tensed when realization dawned. “Yeah. Fuck, yeah. Evan– ” 

And it was Tommy’s turn to lose his cool, his voice reedy and feverish, a thin tremor through his body as Buck maneuvered his thigh so he could fit his dick into that hot, tight space between them. He wrapped an arm around the barrel of Tommy’s chest, pinning him tight against his own as Buck took that first long, indulgent roll of his hips. 

Buck had always enjoyed fucking someone’s thighs–what wasn’t there to like–but there was something specific about the way Tommy got so worked up over it, even in the early hours of the morning after a sleepless night, even when Buck had just worked his body to jello with his hands, that rocketed the act up into the stratosphere.

Tommy squeezed his thighs around him, Buck could hear the labored cadence of his breathing and the obscene sounds of him fisting his own cock, as Buck fucked the slick give of his thighs. The way the head of his dick kept nudging up against the soft resistance of Tommy’s balls with every stroke was still just different enough to scratch at Buck’s brain in new and interesting ways.

Tommy’s fingers dug into his hair, pulling Buck’s face down so he could slide their mouth together at an awkward angle. The kiss was sloppy, Tommy kept sucking Buck’s tongue into his mouth and then breaking away to moan again and again as he got closer to coming. Buck could feel it all through his body, wound like a coil ready to spring. He wasn’t far behind, his plan to keep things slow and simmering had fallen through quickly. He should have known better; with Tommy pressed against him like one big throbbing pulse, overwhelming Buck’s senses with the musky scent of his body, and the sounds he made when he touched himself, and how good it felt to rut against him like this, the desperate slide of skin against skin, there was just no chance he was going to last.  

Buck buried his face in the hollow of Tommy’s shoulder, just above where that pale constellation of shrapnel lived, and stilled as he came in thick pulses all along Tommy’s taint, that little space between his thighs instantly going wet and frictionless. 

Tommy made a wounded sound, and Buck held him tight in the cradle of his arms as Tommy hitched his hips into his fist until he came. He was still pressing kisses against Tommy’s damp hairline when Tommy reached up and laced their fingers together, no longer shaking. 

“Well, I’m definitely not thinking about the stupid shrapnel anymore.”

“Good,” Buck said, allowing himself to feel smug about it. “My work here is done.”

“Not so quick hot stuff,” Tommy said, reaching back to pat him on the hip. “I expect your help de-oiling in the shower. I think this mess is a four-handed operation.”

“Yes, sir.” Buck peeled himself from where he’d been clinging to Tommy like a limpet.

He took a moment to admire the long, glistening stretch of Tommy’s body, limp and satisfied. Debauched, even.

"What?" Tommy asked, stretching his arms above his head as he rolled onto his back, offering Buck a good view of where his come was actively drying in his happy trail. Buck would have a fun time scrubbing that out.

"Nothing, I'm just happy you're here, with me."

Tommy face went immediately soft and he pressed up on his knees so he could pull Buck into one more lingering kiss before breaking away.

"There's no where I'd rather be."

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | February 26th-March 3rd 2024

8 days!!!!! Only 8 days left!!!! Until then enjoy these fics!!

Complete

doin' something unholy by BekkaChaos/ @bekkachaos (PWP, TikTok, Getting Together | 7K | Explicit): Eddie makes a tiktok account so he can monitor Chris' activity on the app, and he stumbles across Buck’s profile. It’s a lot of silly trends, a couple with Chris (previously Eddie approved), but when he scrolls to the newest video it’s one of those transition thirst traps and oh yeah, Eddie’s been sucked in, hard.

it’s the tapping on the kitchen’s floor by gayedmundodiaz (rose_megan)/ @gayedmundodiaz (Friends to Fiances | 1K | General): Eddie takes a shortcut to 'engaged' thanks to some stress and little bit of pining.

This Is No Hallmark Movie by gayedmundodiaz (rose_megan)/ @gayedmundodiaz (Hurt Buck, Getting Together | 4K | Teen): Buck's impromptu trip to the ICU has Eddie crash-landing into the realization that he's deeply, madly in love with his best friend.

You Are The One by gayedmundodiaz (rose_megan)/ @gayedmundodiaz (Getting Together | 3K | Teen): Eddie finds a drawing of Christopher's from school that sends his feelings careening off a cliff

cause you make life easy by gayedmundodiaz (rose_megan)/ @gayedmundodiaz (PWP, First Time | 2K | Explicit): Eddie and Buck are in love, and it’s so, so easy.

got love-struck, went straight to my head by heartbeatdiaz/ @loserdiaz (Future Fic, Established Buddie, Amnesia | 17K | Teen): The morning of their wedding day, Buck wakes up with amnesia.

too many heartbeats for one ribcage by lamardeuse/ @lamardeuse (Sexuality Crisis, Getting Together | 8K | Mature): Eddie's not queer.

Baby, I'm Never Gonna Leave You by I_still_dont_understand_13 (BTHBingo: Distress Call, Post-S6 | 12K | Mature): "Um... You remember that bracelet I bought Taylor?" Buck asked. Unfortunately, Eddie did. That Christmas was memorable... for all the wrong reasons. "Yeah. Why?" "It's been set off," he said, tilting his head like a confused puppy.

🔥 Ace of Hearts by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (Post-S6, Getting Together | 9K | Teen): "I've been wondering…" Maddie pauses, watches Buck make a face like he's bracing to be smacked. "What happened with Eddie? You two were dancing around it for so long, and then… what, it just didn't work out? Was the date really that bad?" She's expecting another wince, or even for him to duck out of the conversation entirely, but instead Buck is staring at her like she's grown a second head. "Maddie. I've never been on a date with Eddie." Or: the poker game was a date. It takes Buck a while to catch on, though.

🔥 I'm comin' back, don't let me go by wikiangela/ @wikiangela (Post-S6, Angst | 7K | General): Buck's post-lightning breakdown takes him on a drive through the country, fighting not to give into his dark thoughts - a phone call from Eddie might be all he needs to lead him back home.

We Were Never Meant To Be Someone's Secret by DeadlyChildArtemis / @aroeddiediaz (Madney Wedding, Secret Relationship | 3K | Explicit): Buck and Eddie have been trying to keep their new relationship secret until after Maddie and Chimney's wedding, but strange events keep conspiring to expose them before they're ready. The final straw is when they discover their hotel room at the venue only has one bed...

he speaks the languages of love by glorious_spoon (PWP, Established Buddie, Phone Sex | 4K | Explicit): "Buck. It's been almost two weeks since I've been able to get my hands on you. I'm going out of my mind. Yeah, I want you to tell me how you thought about bending me over the weight bench when I critiqued your gym selfies, or whatever." Or: while Eddie is out of town, he and Buck revisit an old fantasy of Buck's.

you were never meant to carry it on your own by artificalsirens/ @fortheloveofbuddie (Established Buddie, Hurt Buck, Smut | 5K | Explicit): During sex, Buck has a bad chronic pain flare up but wants to continue. Eddie stops him and takes care of him.

🔥 when you know, you know by asteriasera/ @asteriasera (Post-S6, Friends To Fiances | 11K | General): “How did you know you and Karen were ready to get married?” Hen blinks, clearly taken aback by the question. “I didn’t know you and Natalia were so serious.” “We’re not,” he blurts out, face red. “I’m not– I don’t even have a ring, and we haven’t really talked about it, but I was just curious. I mean, you should know since you two got married like, twice, right?” “That’s true.” Hen hums, then huffs out a laugh just the right amount of soft for this sweet pre-dawn moment. “As cheesy as it sounds, I guess that when you know, you know.” OR: After eight months of dating, Natalia begins dropping hints for their future together and Buck begins to question if this is what he really wants. One day later, a proposal is made in a kitchen over tiramisu

i'm thinking we should cross the line by chromatophorica/ @chromatophorica (Canon Divergent, Post-S2, Not Firefighter Buck | 12K | Teen): Following the ladder truck bombing, Buck can't return to firefighting, having to find new passions while maintaining his bonds with the 118. Enter Eddie Diaz, his replacement, and May's scheming takes hold. But that's fine; two can play that game.

i found love where it wasn't supposed to be by chromatophorica/ @chromatophorica (Season 2, Buck&Bobby | 12K | Teen): It’s not until the earthquake that Eddie figures it out. He’d be the same if Chris was there; probably a little more overbearing, but Chris is only seven, so he figures that’d be why. But it makes sense, how focused on Buck that Nash is right then, the similar frantic energy that Buck’s got focusing on the Captain. He’s a little surprised that the LAFD allow a father and son pair to work together OR: Eddie makes some assumptions when he joins the 118, he'd like the record to show he's not entirely wrong.

we can find shelter and peace by chromatophorica / @chromatophorica (Post-S2, 3K | Teen): Following Eddie's graduation from probie to firefighter, the gang talk about their graduations... Until they get to Buck.

like the peel clings to the pomegranate by fallingthorns/ @fallingthorns (Post-S6E10: In A Flash, Getting Together | 3K | Teen): Or, Buck recovers and doesn't quite realize what he means to others.

hey now, hey now by fallingthorns/ @fallingthorns (Canon Divergent, Post-S5E10: Wrapped In Red | 10K | Teen): Or, after returning to the 118, Eddie becomes a full-time paramedic and Ravi becomes Buck's partner. Eddie absolutely doesn't feel anything about that, not at all.

happy at home by fallingthorns/ @fallingthorns (Post-S5, Getting Together | 6K | Teen): Or, the one where Eddie sees Buck with a small kitten, realizes he’s in love, and spontaneously combusts, but not necessarily in that order.

we made it (knew that we would be alright) by honestlydarkprincess/ @honestlydarkprincess (S7 Spec, Buck&Maddie | <1K | General): Maddie asks Buck to walk her down the aisle.

this lovesick thing by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (Post-S6, Getting Together | 4K | Teen): or, buck is buck: best friend, klutz, star of eddie’s every lovesick daydream. which is to say, things are the same, except maybe what eddie’s willing to ask for

Fractals from the Lightning Bolt by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (One Shots Collection | 52/54 | 95K | Not Rated): A collection of oneshots, some originally posted on tumblr. Each chapter is individually rated.

50. Happy Holidays to the Clown Car (Christmas | Teen) 51. Maybe We're All Sluts Here (PWP | Explicit)

My Worried Mind That You Quiet by giselleslash (Christopher POV, Getting Together | 3K | General): or, Buck and Eddie through Christopher's eyes.

send a flare up in the dark (and i'll come find you) by honestlydarkprincess/ @honestlydarkprincess (Post-S6, Getting Together | 7K | Teen): Buck and Natalia are hanging out at a bar, with Natalia watching in amusement as Buck pines. She gets distracted when Lucy shows up so Buck starts drunk texting Eddie and eventually Eddie comes to get Buck, but not before Buck accidentally confesses his feelings not realizing that Eddie is there. Did Buck just fuck up or do they both get everything they've ever wanted?

you are so gorgeous it makes me so mad by bellabrady (Post-S6, Getting Together | 5K | Not Rated): Or: Eddie is annoyed with Buck for being so very kissable but his drunk self isn't the best at phrasing things.

what to do when evan buckley breaks into your house at 3:17 in the morning by oklahoma/ @sunshinediaz (Getting Together | 3K | Teen): After a night out drinking with Maddie, Buck (kind of) breaks in to Eddie’s house.

Orange Peels & Coffee by bibuckleyforever/ @bibuckleyforever (Post-S6, Getting Together | 2K | General): Eddie finds out about the Orange Peel Theory and it leads to some important realizations.

some of it's just transcendental by fallingthorns/ @fallingthorns (Accidental Kissing, Getting Together | 2K | Teen): Buck smiles as Eddie leans in and presses a soft kiss to his lips, and Buck feels himself grinning further against his mouth and kissing back before Eddie pulls away, too soon and with that same soft smile on his lips. He eases the bags fully out of Buck’s arms and turns to head into the kitchen, and Buck watches him go with such a fond smile that he feels like he’s going to explode. And then he freezes and stares at Eddie’s retreating form, his heart constricting in his chest as his brain struggles to catch up with the events of the last twenty seconds. Because kissing? Is not something they have ever done before.

that green light, i want it by asteriasera / @asteriasera (Post-S6, One Night Stand, Getting Together | 11K | Mature): Buck and Eddie hook up after Maddie and Chim’s wedding, then spend an inordinate amount of time not talking about what it means until the universe decides to intervene.

WIP

i got a bad desire, i'm on fire by diazbegins/ @evanbegins (PWP, Pet Play | 1/2 | 8K | Explicit): Or: Eddie finds that he wants Buck to treat him like a kitty. Buck can make that work.

if i need to rearrange my particles — i will for you. by dylaesthetics (Post-S6, Identity Porn | 6/11 | 22K | Teen): OR Buck joins a support app for first responders and matches with a firefighter who has PTSD and a kid who likes giraffes, apparently.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briar / @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, S7 Spec | 120/? | 362K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

🔥 Any Other Way by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, S2 | 4/18 | 25K | Mature): In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

🔥 because we'll all arrive in heaven alive by callmenewbie/ @puppyboybuckley (Post-S6, Disaster Fic | 7/9 | 51K | Explicit): During a search and rescue, Eddie disappears without a trace, leaving Buck to grapple with the sudden possibility of a life without him.

[theotherbuckley]

A very late (More than) Seven Sentence Sunday Monday

Tagged over the weekend by: @pirrusstuff @honestlydarkprincess @dangerpronebuddie @smilingbuckley @actualalligator @loveyouanyway @daffi-990 @wikiangela @giddyupbuck @evanbegins @underwater-ninja-13 @diazsdimples @your-catfish-friend @tizniz @jesuisici33 @hippolotamus @disasterbuckdiaz @cal-daisies-and-briars I won't tag anyone cause its Monday(for me) and most people have done it already but if you want to share then please do <3

Ah this is very late but i wrote this from my chronic pain!buck fic yesterday so I thought I'd share. Having a shitty week, or well idk I'm being dumb and sad but oh well here's Eddie comforting Buck which we all need.

He burrows further into the comfort of Eddie’s neck, sniffling. “There’s so much to do,” he says.

“Nothing that can’t be done tomorrow,” Eddie says, rubbing soothing circles across Buck’s back with one hand, the other wrapped softly behind Buck’s neck, holding him gently. 

“I already—already put it off for so long.” 

Eddie pulls Buck away from himself, noticing the way Buck naturally tries to move back towards him. “Hey, look at me,” Eddie says, holding Buck’s face in his hands.

Buck looks up at him, eyes glossy with unshed tears. 

“I have these big arms,” he says, pointing to his arms as he tenses them. “I can do any heavy lifting you need. That includes washing dishes if you so desire.”

Buck huffs out a laugh, but it’s short-lived, his face falling flat as the ache in his leg grows again. He wants the floor to swallow him up and take away every drop of pain from his body. Right now he’d be happy if the floor could just snatch up his leg so he doesn’t have to deal with it. He’s just hurting, and it’s not fair. 

[sunnywiththestars]

Hi! Do you have any BuckTommy fic recs?

yes!! here you go!!!

I tried to tag anyone's tumblr that i could find but there were a few i couldn't so it's only straight to the fic on ao3

you keep his shirt, he keeps his word by perfectlysunny @perfectlysunny02

"Evan, baby, you okay? It’s late. I thought Chimney’s party was tonight.” “Tommy,” Buck gasps, almost dropping his phone in his excitement . “You’re here. See that, Eds, magic is real. He’s here.” “Sweetheart, you called me, remember,” Tommy says. “Evan, baby, are you drunk?”

A (Not So) New Hoodie by littlebipolarsunshine

In which Buck doesn't look very closely when putting on a hoodie before going to work.

Pancakes, kisses, and a little bit of TLC by theotherlucifer @theotherbuckley

“Evan?” Tommy asks, his voice deep and gravelly. If it were any other day, Buck would find that incredibly attractive. Unfortunately, he isn’t able to enjoy it. Now that he’s aware of the pain in his leg, it only seems to get worse. His leg throbs; it feels like his bones are trying to bully their way out of his flesh. He clenches his eyes shut as he wills the wildfire that burns through his limb to calm down. “‘M fine,” he gets out through a clenched jaw. Tommy squints at him, tilting his head to the side. “Evan,” he repeats in a way that Buck knows means he doesn’t believe him for a second. (or Buck wakes up with a chronic pain flare-up the morning after, and Tommy takes care of him)

Hold me on my bad day by disasterbuckdiaz @bidisasterevankinard

Tommy had a bad day, has an awful morning he starts as blanket burrito, but his boyfriend's cuddles make it better

the universe is screaming (are you listening?) by pigalle

Buck, still running on frantic panic of being late, stops short. When he looks down at himself, he sees that he is indeed wearing one of Tommy’s LAFD Air Operations t-shirts. “Uh,” Buck says, ever so eloquently. “Why are you wearing Tommy’s shirt?” Chimney asks, and really, that’s a valid question. Or, 5 times the universe conspires to reveal Buck and Tommy’s relationship, plus 1 time it’s quite obvious

come and save me from it by devirnis @devirnis

“Dinner and a show,” Evan comments, his eyes zeroed in on where Tommy’s sleeves are pushed up to his elbows. “Maybe I should get sick more often.” Tommy flicks a small piece of ginger at him. “If you wanted me to cook for you, all you had to do was bat those pretty eyelashes of yours.” It happens so quickly. One second Evan is grinning exhaustedly at him, and the next thing Tommy knows, Evan’s eyes go wide as what little colour he has left drains from his face. Tommy makes an aborted move towards him, but Evan shoves his chair back from the island and bolts for the bathroom.

Right In Front of Me by Princessfbi @princessfbi

Tommy’s brows knitted together as his mouth turned down with worry. “Evan,” he said and Buck wanted to hear him call his name so many more times. “What happened? Did someone choke you?” “That’s what I was trying to tell you,” Buck said, clearing his throat again when his voice gave an embarrassing squeak.

Like a Music That's Been Transposed by Faillen @faillen

“Hey there, stunner,” Tommy murmured against his mouth once they’d pulled away. “Stunner?” Evan asked, smile bunching up his cheeks. “That’s a new one.” “Mhmm,” Tommy said, pressing a kiss to one of those lovely red cheeks. “You like it?” Evan ducked his head, “Yeah, that one’s uh. That’s pretty good.” His eyes cut back to Tommy and his mouth twisted into a thoughtful moue. “I don’t really have any for you.” “Eh,” Tommy said. “I’m not a big endearment guy.” Or: Tommy grows into his name.

do you mind? im pining by tinygiantsam @watchyourbuck

He slammed his glass onto the table, sitting upright as he coughed into his hand. His eyes watered, but he couldn’t tear them away from the scene before him. He hadn’t imagined it. They were holding hands. OR: 7x05 spec fic. Buck and Tommy have their first date. Eddie is jealous about it. (Includes Buck and Tommy making out at the loft + Eddie dealing with complicated feelings towards his best friend).

those hands pulled me from the earth by star_shot (throw one of my own in there-)

Tommy’s eyebrows were raised as he stood and waited for an explanation. “I believe that I promised you a dance tonight.” Buck says, a softer smile graces his lips. “It is 4 o’clock in the morning.” -- OR - after the disaster of the day, Buck still finds a way to fulfill his promise to Tommy.

a lovely collection of fics, happy reading!!

and anyone else please feel free to add on another other bucktommy recs you have or even your own works!

[kitkatpancakestack]

Ah whatever, feeling extra melancholic by my lack of drive to write anything lately. Chronic depressed burnout brain is no joke fellas! Anyway. This is the last thing I wrote forever ago, part of a darker Buck-centric fic I've been planning to write for a while but will probably never finish. Just felt like sharing something!

Even to his best friend, his person—his soulmate, when he’s being honest with himself—he doesn’t know how to say it. That even at Buck’s lowest, Eddie has never seen him stripped bare, degloved; never seen him as nothing but exposed bone. Raw nerve. Dripping muscle and sinew. He’s never seen Buck as the knife, only as the hand removing the knife. Buck just wouldn’t know how to start, how to explain to Eddie the tightrope he walked for most of his life, nothing but a catastrophe on either side if he fell. Wouldn’t know how to explain that he never learned where to put the anger, so he just let it rot and grow new buds deep in his core, in his gut. That he tries to be good. He wants to be good. He is good. He is good, isn’t he, even with the blood staining his skin, smearing over Eddie’s face? Isn’t he? Isn’t he?

Eddie’s face is unwavering in front of him, bloody hands cupping Buck’s bloody face. 

He wants to say to Eddie: I feel my childhood like a rope around my neck.

He wants to say: I feel my anger like a knife in my stomach.

He wants to say: I feel my fear like a broken bone that never healed.

Didn’t he spend all that time running away from himself? He thought the ghost hadn’t chased him to LA, that it’d finally left him alone. Evan Buckley. Buck, now. Somebody new. Somebody different. Somebody good.

“It’s okay,” Eddie is telling him, fingers slick through Buck’s matted hair, trailing lines of red down Buck’s face. He can feel the sticky path they leave behind, chilly and damp. “We’ll figure this out. You and me. We’ll figure this out, Buck.”

Buck curls into himself, protecting the soft skin of his belly that he’s certain is nothing but a rotted core, that if Eddie touches him there his entire torso will cave in. And the anger he spent years burying will scurry out. 

“You and me,” Eddie tells Buck, a mantra, like this entire situation isn’t completely fucked. “You and me, man. It’s always you and me.”

And Buck wants to tell him: Some parts of me never left my childhood home. They never moved on.

That he’s grown up, but his pain and his anger have stayed the same age.

I wish everyone a very lots of writing <3

[diazsdimples]

WIP Wednesday

Hi! I was really hoping to have something new from Single Dads AU to share but I am unfortunately deathly ill (dramatic, I have a chest infection) and my brain has forgotten how words work. So instead, have a little bit of Secret Fic with @hippolotamus, which is being chipped away at!

Tagged by @theotherbuckley, PLEASE go check out her chronic pain Buck snip, it is SO CUTE

As he does this, Buck remembers something else about the show, something Hen had mentioned with a grimace in passing. “Hey, you know they’ve just finished filming the last episode? Feels weird that it’s ending, they’ve been doing it for 22 years now.”  Buck lets out a small chuckle, thinking about all the time Eddie’s dedicated to watching every episode. Eddie’s not usually one to binge watch TV series (or to admit to it at least, Buck’s got a sneaking suspicion he’s been watching Survivor behind Buck’s back), so Eddie sitting down to watch 20something seasons of a singular show is a big deal. “It’s going to be sad to see them go right? Eds?” And there it is. Eddie’s ugly secret. The reason he - a grown ass man in his thirties - is curled up in his bed like a kid scared of the dark, clinging to his husband. He bites his lip and squeezes his eyes shut, tries to control his breathing but it’s no good. A high pitched whine escapes, leading into an undeniable sob.  Eddie buries himself further into Buck’s body, hoping his broad frame will absorb the shaking and blubbering. Buck is the one who freezes this time. He’s figured it out. Because he knows Eddie, the pieces have all clicked together. The lightbulb has turned on.

no pressure tagging @hippolotamus @watchyourbuck @thewolvesof1998 @disasterbuckdiaz @puppyboybuckley @bucksbackwardcap @fortheloveofbuddie @spotsandsocks @aroeddiediaz @daffi-990 @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @wikiangela @buckbuckgoose @exhuastedpigeon @cal-daisies-and-briars @wildlife4life @slightlyobsessedwitheverything @evanbegins @nmcggg @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @rainbow-nerdss @kitteneddiediaz @elvensorceress @epicbuddieficrecs @smilingbuckley @actuallyitsellie @spagheddiediaz @thekristen999

[thekristen999]

Fuck it Friday.

With a month away from the new season, I thought this would be a great opportunity for writers to get to know each other's work.

Pick 5 of your favorite fics and say a little something about them. Tag people you've seen around fandom circles and wanted to give their work a read, or maybe you just watch to catch-up on friends. Whatever the reason, go share your words with fandom :)

Sharing my current passion for the last few years: Buddie/9-1-1

Alone In The Dark With You 14k. Buck and Eddie get trapped in a cave-in and things go from bad to worse.

Feelings realization, buckets of hurt/comfort, for those who love competent Eddie and Buck in dire straits.

bro·ken 32k Mature. Season 3 AU.

Buck and Eddie at rock bottom. A dark, gritty exploration of their lives if they hadn't meet until the events of S3. Angst with a happy ending.

Cutting The Ties That Bind 34k Mature. Mafia AU

Evan Buckley was a businessman, he had meetings and deadlines like everyone else. Occasionally, he got threatened. Enter Eddie Diaz, security specialist, who was not easily impressed by Buck’s expensive suits or financial conquests.

Buddha's Arrow 6k. How Buck helps Eddie learn to cope with chronic pain.

A truthful look at chronic pain and healing.

Are You With Me?  27K Mature. Post Eddie Begins story.

Eddie and Buck pursue a relationship after the well accident. Deals with the complications of healing and PTSD. (written in season 3)

tagging @the-likesofus @exhuastedpigeon @spaceprincessem @hippolotamus @mellaithwen @homerforsure @renecdote @shyaudacity @eddiebabygirldiaz @woodchoc-magnum @clusterbuck @goddess47 @thebestbooksaround @tawaifeddiediaz@steadfastsaturnsrings @diazsdimples @spotsandsocks

[buddierecs]

chronic pain/illness buddie fics

this list has different rated fics, so please look at the rating (none are explicit tho) make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

featherlight by: rogerzsteven "1 time buck tends to eddie's shoulder pain and 1 time eddie tends to buck's leg pain." word count: 5.2k rating: general audience important tags: chronic pain, hurt/comfort, taking care of each other, whump cause i will be your safety by: rogerzsteven "buck has a leg cramp. eddie helps him as he can." word count: 2.2k rating: general audience important tags: chronic pain, hurt/comfort, sharing a bed, eddie diaz taking care of evan buckley

life ain't always beautiful by: ficoracle "5 times buck dealt with his chronic pain...and one time he doesn't have to deal with it alone." word count: 15k rating: teen and up important tags: chronic pain, 5+1 things, hurt/comfort, whump i keep you in my locket by: lizzybizzyzzz "eddie takes care of buck's chronic pain on their three month anniversary" word count: 3.1k rating: teen and up important tags: chronic pain, established relationship, hurt/comfort, idiots in love buddha's arrow by: kristen999 "how buck helps eddie learn to cope with chronic pain." word count: 3.6k rating: general audience important tags: chronic pain, hurt/comfort, injury recovery sweet as sugar by: tizniz "buck gets diagnosed as diabetic." word count: 8.5k rating: general audience important tags: chronic illness, worried!eddie diaz, protective!eddie diaz, friends to lovers

the legacy of a bowling ball by: rosefield "it starts with a headache. it starts with a headache. and it ends as he falls to the ground, lock jawed, the world fading away." word count: 10k rating: teen and up important tags: chronic illness, concussions, seizures, disassociation, hurt/comfort, getting together maybe one day by: honestlydarkprincess "eddie has a migraine, christopher convinces him to call buck, and buck takes care of his boys." word count: 1.1k rating: teen and up important tags: chronic illness, migraines, sick!eddie diaz, pining, evan buckley taking care of eddie diaz, sharing a bed, cuddles shelter my eyes from the sun (and wait for the birds to fly by) by: lizzybizzyzzz "an evan buckley character study" word count: 25k rating: mature important tags: TW: implied/referenced self harm, suicidal thoughts, implied/referenced sexual assault, childhood trauma, abandonment issues, chronic pain, ptsd, getting together, love confessions

[naturegirl555]

I can’t help but tear up everytime I read a chronic pain buck fic because it is just so close to me. Like I love with chronic pain and sometimes it makes me feel like maybe I’ll get what they have one day. Someone who doesn’t think of it as a time consuming exhausting thing. I know that they are fictional but a girl can hope!!!

[theotherbuckley]

Fuck it Friday 💜

ITS 911 DAY GUYS ONLY 2(ish) MORE HOURS!!!!

Here’s a snippet of my new WIP which is chronic pain!Buck. Chronic pain!Buck is everything to me so I wanted to write this. Despite not having a flare up in a month (touch wood) I just got beans for this so here you go:

He manages to get himself in a seating position, legs dangling off the edge of the bed. He stops for a moment to catch his breath, clenching his fists to distract himself from the pain that radiates from his joint. Buck turns to the window and is not surprised to see it grey outside. It’s probably going to rain, he thinks. It’s like those “Will you press the button?” questions — you get the ability to predict the weather except your knee wants to kill you everytime you guess right! He has to remind himself how lucky he is again. He’s alive. He can work. He’s alive. He can work. He’s alive— a sharp pain stabs through his knee and he closes his eyes, a tear escaping through his lashes. Maybe now he and the sky can cry together.

Thanks for all the tags through out the week, tagging you all back for Fuck it Friday (whenever that may be for you guys):

@disasterbuckdiaz @fortheloveofbuddie @jeeyuns @wildlife4life @honestlydarkprincess @eddiebabygirldiaz @spagheddiediaz @jesuisici33 @your-catfish-friend @ladydorian05 @giddyupbuck @eowon @elvensorceress @watchyourbuck @steadfastsaturnsrings @housewifebuck @thewolvesof1998 @king-buckley @rainbow-nerdss @cal-daisies-and-briars @evanbegins @diazsdimples @wikiangela @bucksbirthmark  @underwater-ninja-13 @daffi-990 @fionaswhvre @aspecbuddie @lover-of-mine @nmcggg @tizniz @monsterrae1 @smilingbuckley @loveyouanyway @hippolotamus @incorrect9-1-1 @buckdefencesquad @actualalligator @pirrusstuff @actuallyitsellie as always let me know if you’d like to be added or removed <3