#chronic fuckery

[aquaticaberration]

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and dealing with at-the-best mild chronic pain, because I miss working out.

Before it kicked into high gear (pre-COVID), I could go at least 3-4 times a week. I didn't get the complete results I wanted because I was (and still am) dealing with what could possible be an ED or something adjacent and just didn't eat, but I got some noticeable muscle. I could carry heavy items (dogs, I worked with dogs at the time and the big babies loved being held) around for a while and had a bit more energy, and my stamina was excellent.

Now I'm back to being exhausted all the time like when my depression was at its worst, needing to take naps throughout the day even if I get a full night of sleep. My joints feel unstable and clicky. My muscles are always feel like they're low-level burning, and there's always at least once spot that hurts worse than the others. I still don't eat much, and catching COVID in 2022 only made that worse.

On rare days, I have energy to do house chores and maybe go on a walk or do some light yoga, but it's nowhere near enough energy to get back into weightlifting. I want to get strong again, and compared to most people in my life I am. But it's not where I want to be, and I'm trying to convince myself that that's okay and that it's okay if I never get to that point because if it turns out that I'll never be able to do intense workouts again I don't want the disappointment to hit as hard as it could. Like trying to soften the blow of the inevitable grief, because in small ways like this I'm not very lucky. I expect the worst, hope for the best, and know that the reality will fall somewhere in between but far enough from what I want to be upsetting.

I just miss being able to move around whenever I want and without wondering how I'm going to be paying for it later.

[t3andcrumpets]

Y'all. I fucked up my hip last night. Not little normal fuck up, but big fuck up like almost go to the hospital because my dumb ass was on the floor fuck up.

What did I do, you ask?

I got water out of the fridge to take my pills and rotated the joint just wrong so it popped out of place and didn't go back in like it normally does (the curse of hypermobility). Cue blinding flash of pain and me on the floor passing out multiple times because after that initial surge of pain, I felt shit all till I made it downstairs into bed and got things popped back into place.

And now I'm in marginal discomfort, but the joint is load bearing so long as I don't twist it.

I've never felt a 10/10 on the pain scale before now and I hope to God I never do again. It is the worst feeling ever. Your brain literally shorts out everything past a point so you can't feel it. Apparently, I told my father, "That smarts a little," between times passing out and collapsing against him before I managed to get regulated.

[thebibliosphere]

Today, while justifying my brother's shitty and abusive behavior, my mother said the words, "I know you like to think you're disabled, but compared to him, you're really not," and I'm just going to have to sit with that for a bit and try not to expire from rage.

[swordsonnet]

the most annoying thing about me/cfs is that it's more like 10 different illnesses in a trenchcoat. i'll wake up with a new symptom and be like "oh okay, guess that's what we're doing today"

[yes-brandeebleueaurelie]

Lol, 46 with Lupus, plus other Chronics ... A New Kinda Tired.

[arctic-hands]

do you know how MISERABLY INCONVENIENT it is to have I Shit Too Much Disease and Sitting Up Straight For Too Long Makes My Back Want To Snap In Half Syndrome?

[drummuso]

looking for advice on buying my self a wheelchair while still living with my parents, and with almost no access to healthcare

does anyone have any advice on how to bring up getting a wheelchair to parents? i feel stupid worrying so much about what they'll think since i'm 21 like. but i still live with them, and we're very reliant on each other. they know about my health stuff, but not every detail. i try to downplay everything, and when scary potential diagnoses are brought up i don't mention them to them.

they know i used a crutch all last college year, and that since april i've needed two crutches almost every time i leave the house. but i know that for how accepting and progressive they try to be, they still see a wheelchair as a point of no return.

i was putting off talking with them about a wheelchair until i had a proper diagnosis or a specialist or anything tbh. i do really worry about doctors' opinions if i source a wheelchair myself without consulting a professional (despite that not being a fucking option for me rn because of the state of the healthcare service in my county)

but i found a custom chair on ebay that is almost perfect. in my price range, good sizing, good make, good shipping, everything. i can't exactly get it shipped to our house secretly like. so i feel like time is much more pressing now. and i really want to have this conversation with them before term starts too.

tl;dr: i live with my parents and need to get myself a wheelchair. how do i bring this up to them? and how do i deal with future doctors opinions on self-sourcing my first chair? will it harm the likelihood of me being taken seriously by them, and is that avoidable?

any advice is appreciated, and even just knowing that other people have gotten through similar situations would be helpful.

[heart-wit-strength]

"How come out of millions of existing tumblr users not every single soul has yet participated in this particular Condescending Clearly Reblog-bait post that demanded notes on basis of people's moral grounds?? It's almost like not every single post reaches every single person on an algorithm-less website like tumblr, and it's almost like it doesn't make someone a immoral for not being obliged to participate in proving themselves to a bunch of strangers anymore by reblogging a 10 years old post with a deactivated op, what are we doing as a society nowadays"

[clatterbane]

I can't help but be impressed again at the difference since I finally got on insulin and my cells can actually get/use energy.

Tonight, I am pretty worn out and probably should have already gone to bed. But, even after pushing through some post-viral fatigue on too little sleep and food, and probably getting more exercise this evening than the whole last week put together?

I am mostly just "normal" tired, and some muscles aren't too happy at how I've been treating them. But, even through the post-COVID blahs? It's nothing compared what a freaking grocery run would have done a few years ago.

I fully expect to be a little sore tomorrow, and probably sleep late. (At least as much for mental recuperation as anything else.) But, I do not expect to be absurd level wiped out for several days, with new things wanting to go haywire because fuck you that's why.

Hard to explain the subjective difference without feeling it for yourself. But, it is definitely there and it keeps kinda surprising me whenever I do things that I still half-expect to fuck me up much worse. After too long of the other thing, it is still refreshing every time.

[alphaori-fr]

hey ive only played flight rising for a couple of years and havent really interacted w the fandom, so id like to ask abt something you said in the tags wrt fae dragons.

what the fuck is fae neck discourse

Akfhsk basically it's related to the way fae f pose is drawn, some people saw it as a long coiled neck and come people saw it as a short neck with a weird bump. Hence a lot of discussions and struggles and crying from artists trying to figure out if faes have long necks or no. It has been clarified by Undel (link to thread) that they have long necks indeed and the pose is just a little confusing unfortunately. Here's how they're supposed to work

[aquaticaberration]

I miss being able to eat whatever I want

[hotchocolateandpillowforts]

Someone please explain to me why I had a killer migraine at work all day, stayed and worked (even after having to take my migraine meds and nausea meds), threw up on my final break, AND THEN STAYED FOR THE FINAL HOUR OF MY SHIFT.

Istg this girl is a mess.

[thebibliosphere]

I know it's going to make me feel god-awful pretty soon, but I'm really enjoying this high-fat diet the GI doctor prescribed for testing.

And by "high," I mean high for me. I guess the average amount of fat a person is supposed to get in a day is between 83–125 grams.

I've been getting 15 😬

[alanaisalive]

My hands feel really slow this week. No real pain or swelling or numbness or anything, but it feels like my fingers are lagging. In my left hand it has made guitar practice very hard and my right hand feels slow and clumsy operating a mouse.

Any ideas?

[froggytimemachineinternet]

Gang im gonna have a lie down because my heart hurts

[arctic-hands]

[Image Description: selfie of a pale person with brown hair pulled back, leaning back in a reclined gaming chair. The person is wearing a green shirt, a black KN95 mask, and those flimsy, earless, rolled-up sunglasses eye doctors give you after they've dilated your pupils. The top text says "Gets brain surgery to save vision". The bottom text says "Gets diagnosed with astigmatism 1 year later". End I.D]

😮‍💨