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savage-angel-was-a-mistake · 7 years ago

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Compliment? You Call That A Compliment?

(This is the full fanfic made in reference/continuation of this post)

“Oh my God.”

“I know!” Sakura whispered to the other woman.

“He is… wow, you told me, but I didn’t -”

“I know, you never do! You never can!” Sakura hushedly exclaimed.

“You have to get me on a date with him.”

“Oh, no, no,” Sakura dismissed the request, “he’s not interested - he never has been.”

Sasuke was… annoyed. He usually was during days like these - Open House. These days were the days that not only would his coworkers compliment him, but the parents would openly ogle him, like, what kind of manners were those? Not the kind he would ever be interested in.

Sasuke continued through the hall to his classroom, taking extra care to give the fangirling woman beside Sakura a passing glance.

He would be lying if he claimed to not be content with the amount of attention he got. The Attention Whore™, if you would.

He entered his class to find… more women. Great.

Sasuke knew Sakura was messing with him when she hyped his looks up, but it could go too far - which, today, it had - but to make matters worse was that they seemed to think he looked better. Annoying in so many ways, mostly the fact that it was hard to get actual work done and progress made when the mothers were attempting to… coordinate schedules. Between him and their husbands. Why. Why were the husbands never there.

God must hate him.

“Good morning, class. Today is Tuesday, the 25th of October. I fully expect you to work to the full extent of your capabilities during class time and at home while working on your homework despite the fact that it is so close to Halloween, a holiday of which I have never cared about much, because that is what has and always will be expected of you. Any questions?” Sasuke turned to his class.

They never had any questions- their eyes usually just… glazed over. He considered toning down his speech patterns for a second (even the honors classes had a struggle - really, it was basic, what was the world coming to), but he quickly dismissed the thought as he turned to the board.

He lectured for maybe, what, two minutes, before he was interrupted.

“Mr. Uchiha.”

Sasuke swiveled to look towards the people standing at the door.

“What, may I ask, is so important as to deem it necessary or even appropriate to disrupt my class? I’ll have you know I won’t put up with it, not even from you, Ms. Yamanaka.”

Ino cleared her throat, “Mr. Uchiha, I felt it would be necessary for you to meet the new nurse, Ms. Hinata Hyuuga.” She gestured to the woman standing next to her.

“...yes, I see. You may tell her that I still find it incredibly rude to interrupt my class just to meet me.”

“...how old are you? You look much too young to be a teacher.” Hinata asked.

“It’s none of your business, now is it?” Sasuke asked, “I am obviously old enough to be a teacher because here I am, in front of my very own class, attempting to teach , whilst being rudely interrupted.”

“Well… you look very young. You’re very pretty.”

Sasuke’s eyebrow twitched.

“Yes, how unfortunate for me. Now, do you mind?”

“Come now, Ms. Hyuuga, he’s just a little irritable today.”

“I’m a little irritable on a good day, Ms. Yamanaka, Ms. Hyuuga, don’t forget that.”

The two women left the room. Sasuke sighed.

“You know, you don’t have to be a jackass all the time.” Sasuke turned to his student.

“I am not taking your criticism at the moment.” And with that, he walked up to the front again.

“Alright, as I was saying, in chapter 13 you will find that the recurring theme….”

Days passed. Sasuke hated this job more and more - not the students, not the course work, but the parents, and his coworkers, and everyone else that viewed him as eye candy. It didn’t even make sense to him - they always praised the tall men, but he was, well, shorter than some - at a whopping 5’9, he was shorter than what they expected. They complimented the heavily muscled - or at least toned - men, but he was neither. Don’t be mistaken - he could deliver quite the punch, could lift more than his weight, but his body most certainly did not give that information away.

He was intelligent, he could write well (or so he hoped - he was an English teacher, after all), he could be witty, he was fluent in many different languages, he was an artist, could play all sorts of instruments - but no. One. Cared.

He was pretty.

It hurt him. He liked the attention, but just… hoped. Hoped it would be because of something else.

“...and in the final chapter, we find out the true intentions of the murderer. The question posed to you is ‘What parts of his backstory lead him to justify his actions the way he did -”

“Mr. Uchiha.” Sasuke groaned inwardly.

“Yes, Ms.Yamanaka? What is it this time?” He asked, his back turned to her.

“I wanted to introduce you to our newest coworker.”

Why on EARTH were they hiring so many people at this time of year? The semester was almost over, there was almost nothing left to do, why the hel-

Sasuke turned to them, still ranting along in his head.

“And you found it necessary to -” Sasuke’s words died.

By.

God.

The man approached Sasuke, who immediately stiffened in response to the other man’s close proximity. The man, tall, blond, strong build, strange marks on his face - gorgeous. That was the word that came to Sasuke’s mind - gorgeous. So… intimidating. He looked as though he were strong enough to break Sasuke in half, and yet, Sasuke found that the longer the man stood before him, the more willing - desperate, even - he became to let him. The man observed him with not ice cold, but warm, summer sky eyes, before said eyes settled on Sasuke’s face.

Sasuke prepared himself. That compliment, always the same, always annoying, and yet… anticipation filled Sasuke’s very being, just itching to hear it come from this man’s lips.

He opened his mouth.

“You look like a man that knows how to clean up a murder scene.”

Sasuke stood very still. The words were not computing, not processing within his head - what… what does that mean, even?

“Well, I’m Naruto Uzumaki, the new Calculus teacher! I’m just right across the hall from you, so I figured, well, might as well warn you. I’m loud and obnoxious and people like me anyways so don’t expect people to sympathise with you when you ultimately decide to hate me.”

“Why would I - “

“Welp, sorry for the interruption, your lesson certainly sounded interesting, I guess. Bye!”

The walked out of the room. Sasuke stood still.

What the hell?

Naruto was loud, and obnoxious, and people did like him. Sasuke did not.

The man made no sense.

Sasuke had never found any sort of interest of the sort in any person he had ever seen or met. He found himself hating the fact that he had wished for people to see him for anything else, because this man apparently did, but for something else he didn’t even know he had. Something he wasn’t even aware of. It ticked him off to no end.

Sasuke was assigned lunch duty for the following two weeks. Standing there, having to choose between either listening to the eating students’ rumors or the teachers’, and he couldn’t tell which was worse.

He stood in his chosen spot, watching over the cafeteria to make sure nothing drastic happened. Usually his stare was enough.

“Wow.” Sasuke jumped upon hearing the voice beside him. He hadn’t even noticed Naruto walk up to him.

“What?” Sasuke spit out in a rather annoyed tone.

“Your legs. You look like you could outrun a Cougar if you wanted to.”

What?

“Naruto!” One of his coworkers called from across the cafeteria.

“Coming!” Naruto replied. He smacked Sasuke on the back in a lighthearted manner, “See ya, man.”

What.

“You look like you grew like a tree. Really, you do.”

Naruto was looking at Sasuke from beside him while they were both standing at their doors during passing period.

Why.

“Your arms could never pass as spaghetti. Trust me on this one.”

Sasuke was passing out papers. Naruto walked into his room for some reason or another - the justification was lost on him as soon as the blond opened his mouth.

“Your eyes could’ve never been painted by Van Gogh.”

They were comparing heights. Naruto (6’2) was most definitely taller than Sasuke (5’9), even when they weren’t standing face to face as close as they were. He said this as he looked down into Sasuke’s eyes.

Enough.

Sasuke had had enough.

He marched his way into Naruto’s classroom, determined to find out why.

“Why do you keep insulting me?” The class looked at Sasuke, Naruto did so with a confused expression.

“What?” He asked. Sasuke grumbled.

“Why do you keep insulting me?” He asked incredulously, “What did I do?” He waved his arms.

Naruto appeared to be thinking.

“...oh.” Something seemed to be ticking, “Oh. OH!” Naruto suddenly seemed as though he had solved some big mystery - Sasuke was upset because he had not yet.

“I wasn’t insulting you - I was flirting with you. That would explain why you got all huffy.”

“...that’s flirting?” Either Sasuke was really out of touch with the world, or Naruto was awful at flirting.

“Well, yeah, what else would it be?”

“Um… insults, maybe?” Sasuke asked. “I look like a man who knows how to clean up a murder scene?”

“You seem like you have the capability to take a man down, kill him, and have the ability to clean up after yourself. Spark, knowledge, the ability to go through something and do it well - how is that not a compliment?”

“Uh…” Sasuke struggled to remember what else he had said, what other words had run through his mind throughout the nights “I look like I could outrun a Cougar if I wanted to.”

“You’ve got some sexy legs, my friend,” Naruto gestured towards said legs with the ruler in his hand, “very well developed. Didn’t say Cheetah because that’s just plain stupid.” He laughed a bit.

Sasuke was still confused.

“I look like I grew like a tree.”

“You look pretty solid, like it would take some effort to chop you down. You’re kinda small, but very powerful - how can you not see that these are compliments?”

“My arms could never pass as spaghetti.”

“Your arms are strong, they never seem to weaken. Says a lot about how much you’ve put up with and managed to make it through - I don’t see how you don’t -”

“My eyes could’ve never been painted by Van Gogh. Van Gogh is known for making some breathtaking paintings - isn’t saying that my eyes aren’t painted by him an insult?”

“No.” Naruto scoffed, as if his answer were obvious, “I said they couldn’t have been. I know his paintings are breathtaking - but your eyes are, far more in fact. He could’ve never made them.”

They all were so… pretty, when he put them like that.

“...oh.” Sasuke said quietly.

“Sorry about that, I guess I don’t flirt like most. Besides,” Naruto made his way over to Sasuke, “it wouldn’t do you anywhere near the justice you deserve if I just settled on calling you pretty, would it have?”

Sasuke looked up at him.

“I don’t… know. Not anymore.” Sasuke looked down again. “I’ve only ever been pretty.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Naruto used his ruler to tilt Sasuke’s face up, “you’ve always been so much more - you just base your worth on what others tell you.”

Sasuke felt that like a slap on the face - oh, how he hated when people told him he was pretty, but… that’s really what he felt mattered, for some reason. And now…

“How about this - you stick with me,” Naruto leaned in more, “and you can always know you’re more than pretty.”

Naruto’s face in such close proximity to Sasuke’s own made Sasuke’s heart rate pick up. He quickly pushed the blond’s face away.

“Not in front of the students.” Sasuke grumbled.

Naruto laughed wholeheartedly.

“Never in front of the students.” Naruto winked before turning back to his board.

Apparently Naruto was pretty damned good at flirting.

Days went by, weeks, months, soon a year.

Naruto and Sasuke were walking down the hallway towards the front door. Sasuke slowed as he walked by the large glass windows of the second floor - he always did this, he loved the view.

They slowed down to a stop before them. It was later, since the pair had spent much time that day grading the finals of the fall semester, so the sun was setting. Naruto’s warm eyes watched Sasuke with such admiration and affection that it might have startled Sasuke if he had turned to notice.

“If I had to entrust my strings to any weaver, it would be you.”

Sasuke turned to look at his - well, lover, at this point - with question in his eyes. He could still never decipher what the man meant when he said such things, but he always took great interest in what they meant. This one, however, was said with such tenderness.

“If anyone could make anything out of me, it would be you. And I’d choose you in a heartbeat. You’re the only person I could trust with my heart strings.”

Sasuke smiled softly.

“You should marry me.”

Sasuke’s eyes widened at the statement.

“Marry you?” Sasuke repeated.

“Yes, marry me. We’d make one kick-ass team, doncha think?”

“A team where time could only dream of being our enemy.”

Naruto smiled.

“What does that mean?” He laughed softly.

“It could never, ever be death do us part. Time can’t do jack shit.”

Naruto laughed loudly once again.

“I love you.” He hugged Sasuke to him. “But seriously,” he whispered, “You should totally marry me.”

He did. The only drawback to be found was that there were now two Mr. Uzumakis at the school, but that wasn’t too bad. Naruto decided to go as Naruto, and Sasuke as Mr. Uzumaki. Nothing could touch them - nothing could take them down.

Their love was like a jellyfish, in all the good ways.

Jellyfish are essentially immortal. Their love is only ever like the brain lacking part of it occasionally.

It’s a compliment, couldn’t you tell?

#narusasu #sasunaru #snstxt #fanfiction #fanfic #i sincerely hope that this is good enough for you all #I worte this at 1:37a #im crying #chrome didnt know things like good words #its so bad #nooooooo #i hope this is ok #please love it #please?#please #....#:(

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genseng-powder · 4 years ago

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Senku and Gen: A fight? HeadCanon

I've always written hcs when I seem stuck in writing because there are days where I have the ideas but my thoughts aren't as cooperative in the creativity department. So another headcanon turned into narrative - featuring the realest aspect of every relationship ever: arguments.

Also, involving the characters of KoS with KoM merged 💖💫

• When Senku and Gen fights, they never allow it to get in the way of their meetings. Especially since they held meetings with the five generals every so often.

• They swore that their relationship shouldn't get in the way - so they can often get quick past it outside with other people

• The catch is, its obvious that they had a fight. There won't be verbal terms thrown around, but Suika and Chrome feels it but cant quite put a hand on it.

• Ukyo and Ryusui on the other hand sees what's different - theres quite a bit of charged tension, but not too thick to get in the way and stifle conversations.

• Even old man Kaseki sees what's different from when they're normal or theyre fighting.

• Gen calls Senku without any honorifics - and Senku is much more reserved and replies way too straightforward. He doesnt bother with explanations like before and goes 100% straight to the point.

• But he is also reserved in a way that he doesnt throw any jokes around.

• Gen, is immensely cheery as if to make up and cover the fact that there's something going on.

• You'd think he is extra cheerful but if you look past it like Kohaku can, you'd see how his smiles and giggles isn't quite genuine.

• As a former entertainer, its easy to pass it off and to act, but inquisitive people and people who are his friends can differentiate his performance and genuine emotions.

• Kohaku, Ukyo, Ruri and as much as he hates it, Senku.

• Senku sees his overly cheery mood and at times, it gets to his nerves that his showman smile is plastered way too permanently.

• Senku has this secret hatred for Gen's facade.

• He hates that their arguments do this - but his pride also stops him from doing anything.

• Gen also sees how Senku gets easily annoyed at the smallest things, but he never pops off.

• When Senku is about to let out a steam, he catches himself way before words he don't mean can come stumbling out - and he excuses himself to cool down.

• He doesn't want people talking to him when that happens.

• Gen acts the same - secluding himself.

• He does this when something is bothering him, going for long walks around the forest to clear his head off and maintain his composure.

• He talks to himself mostly, to get his thoughts running and sorted and this had worked for him even way before - but more often it ends up in him being a sobbing mess because he hates that they've fought.

• Senku literally loses sleep and delves further into work, making more of the energy drink he made for Kinro just to keep him running. Coffee and Monster drink didnt exist here so he might as well make his own power up drink.

• Even though he is head deep into mountains work for Kingdom of Science - every so often he'll space out and think back about his and Gen's fight.

• More often, this makes Senku hiss and crumple or break whatever he is holding onto. Its frustrating and he hates emotions and irrationality - but he hates it more that no ones hovering over his shoulders or clinging onto him.

• No one knows how long it lasts - it varies depending on their degree of fights. Sometimes, within a day, other times three days.

• No one can complain because they still get work done - Senku leading teams and Gen still boosting morale despite his being so low at that point.

• The next meeting they held, no one mentions the slightly red edges to Gen's eyes and Senku's pinkish nose.

• This time, Tsukasa and Hyoga were present, so is Kohaku and Francoise because it seems urgent.

• Its going towards the usual flow - everything is smooth and flowing until Tsukasa notices Senkus fast replies when Gen asks, and Gen's lack of honorifics towards the scientists name.

• Hyoga, being brutally honest and reveling in such charged tension, decided to add oil to the flame.

• Did you two fight?

• Senku and Gen could only look at him, looks at each other and then simultaneously and respectively answers yes and no - and everyone watched with bated breath as the tension hastily thickens up.

• No one has ever interefered when the Kingdom of Science's two founding leaders were fighting - this being a first and it had to be Hyoga who intercepts.

• It could have been more acceptable if it was Suika, but even little Suika had learnt from Francoise that when two people fight, others shouldnt interfere so she lets it be even though she's sad that Senku and Gen fought.

• Senku manages to repress his exasperated thoughts and so does Gen who brushes off everything with a clearly fake smile - but Hyoga mentioning it makes everything unbearable and everyones now walking on thin ice.

• Ryusui and Francoise decided its enough, calls for a two hour break before they get into another meeting and locks the two of them in the observatory.

• No one can leave until they make up.

///

Yep, cliffhanger. I'll probably post the making up part if I get the inspiration to write it 🤭 I like to think that Senku and Gen both has a hard time apologizing because for one, Senku is emotionally incapacitated JK HAHAHA no, but he just doesnt see it as necessary because action speaks louder than words.

Whereas Gen has his pride - even though he is probably in the wrong, he doesn't apologize for the heck of it and probably manipulates people into thinking they're the ones at fault. He doesn't do this with Senku though. It's why he is at a loss because his whole life it's what he is good at and then Senku comes in and bulldozes his bad habit.

#sengen #sengenhc #hc #ishigami senkuu #asagiri gen #dcst #drst #please hyoga is that asshole and u cant convince me otherwise #also i love perceptive Kohaku #shes so observant i love her

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verdigrisprowl · 6 years ago

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Feb 11 Dancitron Movie Night - Venom

Due to the fact that rabb.it has fucked up its interface, it’s now impossible to copy/paste the chat more than a few lines at a time, AND it requires messing with the code to even copy/paste the names. Because I had to go the fuck to bed, @slenderwave compiled the log instead of me tonight. Thank u slendy.

Also we probably ain’t gonna have any more movie nights until we find a site without a fucked up interface.

Prowl liked the movie more than he indicated; while actually at the movie, though, he was mainly busy being shaken by the uncomfortable parallels between being Venomed and being Bombshelled/Devastatored. He probably said more to Soundwave tonight about what being under Bombshell was like than he has sum total to anyone else so far.

Specs– ((rabbit is such a shit)) Soundwave– *Soundwave–’s so on time this week it hurts. Everything’s set up, everything’s laid out, and he not only has himself parked at the edge of his couch seat, but he’s already nibbling a little silver ingot - one of several snacks on a small tray on his lap.* ((oh GOD the color)) Prowl– ((… fuck. FUCK.)) Specs– ((I had to manually type in the goddamn URL because trying to paste it in is apparently fucking illegal)) Prowl– ((you can’t copy/paste names anymore.)) SCProwl– ((ah fuck Soundwave– ((oh FUCK)) Prowl– ((it only copies the text, not the names. this is going to make logs impossible)) SCProwl– ((oh for fucks’ sake Specs– ((rabbit fucks up everything the movie)) Soundwave– ((i’ll take the logs tonight and look into how to make this work later in the week. don’t worry about it)) SCProwl– ((it looks like a text screen on a phone and i hate it Specs– ((I KNOW RIGHT)) ((oh and it doesn’t autoscroll at least for me so)) Soundwave– *Anyway, bad site design choices nobody asked for and possible future transfers to other sites if any of them are sufficient aside, here we are, and there he is, as ready as ready can be.* Swerve– //that was ridiculous and way more efort than needed rabbit Soundwave– ((deffo looking for another site before next monday. gotta see if anyone else got their shit together or if this is as good as it gets)) SCProwl– *i suppose that means she’s here as well despite rabb.it’s attempts to make that as annoying as possible* Swerve– //smokey mentioned cytube last week as an alternative? but i don’t know if they checked it out to see how it works yet Soundwave– ((noted)) *Soundwave– absently waves the little bar of silver in Prowl–’s direction as a greeting… then remembers WHICH Prowl– that is and pings her a proper Hello instead.* SCProwl– *nods and pings back before finding a place to sit* Twincast– ((*aggressively changes icon* Specs– *enter dragon! it is Palentine’s day, so she’s brought heart-shaped snacks with the Cybertronian word for “friend” carved, iced, and just generally placed on the centers. Other than the fun shape, it’s the same selection as usual. No magnets today.* Hello, Soundwave–! Windchill– (( Jesus H Crust you guys I leave for a few months and Rabbit goes to poop. More than usual. )) Twincast– ((ikr. I’m just glad the text wrap is apparently only broken on my desktop Swerve– //from what i’ve seen text wrap is more broken on firefox than chrome but seems to vary in general Soundwave– [[Greetings, dragon. Feeling filled with friendship today?]] Twincast– ((ah, yeah. I use FF exclusively, so : ’) RIP my soul *quietly enters room as if he doesn’t randomly disappear for months on end* Specs– Isn’t that human friendship holiday coming up? I don’t know if you theme for that one like you do for the human scaring holiday, but just in case, I thought I’d make them thematic. Soundwave– *Soundwave– glances at Twincast–, back to the screen, and then RIGHT back to Twincast–. Well that’s a sight for sore optics right there, isn’t it.* [[Greetings. Rumble is not in attendance tonight, if you have brought your… friends.]] Blaster– ((WHAT THE FRESH FUCK RABBIT!? Twincast– Nah, just me tonight. Though, I’m sure Rewind would be disappointed to hear that, if he was Soundwave– [[Frenzy requested he theme to this human holiday, yes. Said this one was perfect for it.]] ((rabbit is a pile of butts, i’ll be looking for alternatives as soon as i can after tonight)) Blaster– ((It went…badly, trying to get here Twincast– ((same. clicking the link kept redirecting me so I ??? had to pull some copy+paste black magic Windchill– (( It used to be a good livestream alternative, I don’t understand why they’d make it so hard to actually get into a room. ‘Cept it didn’t even ask for a name when I typed the url in, it just bypassed it so as best as I can tell the whole vetting process is entirely ineffective. )) Swerve– //same Blaster– ((ditto, kept redirecting me SCProwl– Which human holiday are we not observing this time? Specs– ((I had to type it in manually)) Windchill– (( Yup. )) Blaster– ((yeah Swerve– //i like how their 'this is the new rabbit’ window too was all like 'people asked for this!!’ no. no we didnt Specs– I’m glad I themed, then! I hope the snacks meet with Frenzy’s approval. Twincast– ((I think we’re perma invited to this group now, though? At least that’s how it worked for the subgroup I made the other day Blaster– ((literally did not ask for this, I liked the old one damnit Swerve– //seems so based on how i’m still in smokey’s from sat night Tarantulas (( is here ooc for the Good Goo Content and hopes rabbit doesn’t ruin the fun Soundwave– [[Valentines’ Day, as far as he knows. It is when humans consume large amounts of chocolate and appreciate their closest friends and companions. He is told the beings in this film adore chocolate as well and have very close relationships.]] Swoop– ((AHA!)) Twincast– ((WELCOME Windchill– (( YOU MADE IT )) Swoop– ((Dude. Fuck rabbit forever. I shouldn’t have to type the damn URL by hand.)) SCProwl– Chocolate is a type of food, right? Swoop– ((Thanks for coming to the rescue man 😮 )) Windchill– (( Ur welcome. )) Blaster– -don’t mind Blaster– making his way in, for once NOT looking half asleep/dead on his feet- Swoop– ((Wow. This update seriously sucks. It doesn’t scroll down when I send something to the chat. I’m manually scrolling. No way that’s going to get old. Bleh!)) Windchill– (( Gonna go grab a drink that fiasco has got me SWEATING brb. Or maybe it’s this houserobe but you know what. I’m gonna blame rabbit anyway. )) Soundwave– ((stop taking the remote, it may bug out and i can’t get it back)) ((not you, just a general thing)) Windchill– (( I was about to ask I didn’t even notice. )) Prowl– ((I fucked around with a rabbit style and got a way to copy/paste everything again)) SCProwl– ((it gave it to me automatically when i first jumped in, think it’s another issue with this new look Windchill– (( Could be, maybe they’ll get rid of the issue because I can’t imagine that it’s intentional. )) ((Or, don’t want to imagine. )) Specs– ((bots suck enough without having them able to control the remote)) Prowl– ((so we’re back in business, except now I’m fucking pissed off)) Soundwave– [[Yes, chocolate is a human fuel. It is easily melted and not of much value to their internal systems, but they seem to like it.]] Specs– It probably tastes good to them. SCProwl– Not unlike some of the things Cybertronians consume. Soundwave– ((i mistimed by two minutes but whatever - GRAB YOUR SNACKS AND USE YOUR BATHROOMS here are your warnings we start at 8)) ((VENOM // Violence, blood, and death, exposed broken bone, scientific/medical abuse, animal death, body horror, the general grossness of the unbonded symbiotes, seriously bad flashing lights (after eddie fucks with the keypad), moderately bad flashing lights (during a fight scene), I don’t know what you’d call eating out of the garbage but definitely that, vomit, misogynist language, people being in other people’s minds.)) Twincast– *finally slides into seated position–because guess who just realised they were still standing?–and waves at the other Blaster–!* Swoop– ((Dear god. Is everyone having to scroll to keep up with the chat or is it just me?)) Twincast– ((scroll is working… ok for me? my posts get slightly swallowed into the void tho Windchill– (( Mine is automatic, it seems to be affecting everyone differently. )) Swerve– //i’ve noticed that i only hae to anually scroll if i change tabs; as long as i stay in rabbit it auto scrolls Swoop– ((It doesn’t move at all when someone says something new. I’d refresh the page but I might never make it back here.)) Windchill– (( Sorry to hear it’s being an Extra Butt though. )) Blaster– -blinks at the other, waving slightly in confusion- Hi? Prowl– ((mine’s autoscrolling)) Windchill– *He’s here, uglier than ever and wearing one (1) more accessory than usual.*

Swerve– //are you using FF? from what i’ve seen people using firefox have more issues than people using chrome Soundwave– ((everyone. and because i really don’t want to spend all night on a good movie complaining about stuff none of us can change: - yes i will be looking for alternatives but i can’t promise they exist - yes the chat probably will not autoscroll for most of us - this update is a trashfire - i don’t know how to fix it and i’m sorry, i only found out about it an hour ago - let’s just do what we can with what there is tonight all right)) Swoop– ((chrome)) Specs– (mine isn’t autoscrolling even on the tab- and I’m using chrome)) Blaster– ((mine throws my replies into the void Specs– ((yessir slendymun)) Blaster– ((kaaay Swerve– //rip Twincast– @boom Sup? *he is reasonably sure you’re one of Nocturne’s… things. gotta say hi!* Windchill– (( Thank for subs. )) Swoop– *scampers in, oblivious to any theme or upcoming holiday* Windchill– *Ignorance is bliss.* Blaster– Um…. Swoop– HI : > Soundwave– ((no prob, i use them myself so i get it)) Windchill– *Will stop blocking the door with his butt maybe.* Blaster– Do….do I know you? Soundwave– *Soundwave– kicks back. It’s time. He’s been looking forward to this ever since it first appeared on his human datanet feed.* Swoop– *waves at said butt* Windchill– *His butt would reciprocate but that would be weird, so he waves with his hand instead.* Twincast– Maybe not, but–think you know'a friend of mine. Looks a lil bit like our host *kind of. Slendy is a unique beast* Windchill– Swoop–. Swoop– hi Blaster– …………….. Windchill– Hi, you Swoop–. Soundwave– *Glances to Twincast–. Now who’s he talking about over there?* Swoop– HI! Keheheh. You a bad door. No moving. Windchill– You know. I could make all sorts of inappropriate jokes about openings with that…but I won’t. Blaster– I’m…yeah, we met Swoop– Me Swoop– like jokes : > Windchill– *He’s gonna find a spot on the floor to sit instead.* Who knows, maybe you’ll hear some other jokes. Swoop– *scampers in and begins his Bird hunt* Blaster– …………….. Windchill– Ah, yes, the poison movie. Blaster– Hey, uh, Soundwave–? Twincast– Hope he didn’t traumatise you too much – Twincast–. Blaster– formerly Windchill– About poison. Soundwave– *There is no Bird tonight. There is enough trouble keeping up as is. Soundwave– wants to enjoy this his own lone self.* [[Yes, Blaster–?]] Windchill– Wait, no. *Has to cup his chin and recheck the definition of poison versus venom.* Eh. Swoop– *is CRUSHED by the lack of Bird and SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHS* Blaster– That…thing. Did it just posses the woman? Windchill– *Snickers.* Blaster– And no, he didn’t Soundwave– [[An investigative journalist breaking into scandals and coverups? He approves of such nosiness.]] Smokescreen– ((OH THERE WE GO Blaster– Just…um…wait Soundwave– [[And yes. It does seem it did.]] Blaster– You used to be named Blaster–? Smokescreen– /Smokescreen–’s running in and is hopping onto the couch./ Soundwave–! Soundwave–, how are you? Twincast– Yeah, changed it post-war 'n got this fancy, blue paint scheme to boot. Blaster– Ah. Thanks. Swoop– ((I was getting bacon what’d I miss)) Soundwave– *Soundwave– startles and automatically flips Smokescreen– overhead and down onto the floor. DON’T DO THAT TO HIM.* [[…He apologizes.]] Swoop– *climbs Windchill– to perch* This a GOOD movie? Smokescreen– /OW- Smokescreen–’s staying on the floor for a few minutes, but gives a thumbs up. That was pretty cool, actually!/ Soundwave– ((eddie brock is an investigative journalist, he’s picking up a big report with the guy at the head of the Life Foundation and doesn’t really want it cause fluff piece but has to do it)) Windchill– Dunno, Swoop–. We’re gonna find out. Swoop– ((thx)) Someone DIE? Soundwave– [[He is fine. A little surprised. Obviously.]] *Pause. Lean forward.* [[…Are you injured?]] Blaster– ….so, okay then… Windchill– I guess there was a rocket crash with dead people and a mention of some kind of murder, so yes. Someone died. Smokescreen– Haha, sorry, Soundwave–. Didn’t mean to surprise you! … I’m fine, probably. Just lemme lie down for a little more. Swoop– Crash and die means proooooobably good movie : > Smokescreen– … Can you show me how to do that, Soundwave–? Blaster– …. Windchill– It’s a great start. Prowl– ((as the child of a journalist I am personally offended by how shitty and immoral an investigative reporter he is)) Soundwave– [[All right.]] *He pauses again, then offers a small orange crystal.* [[…Snack? While you’re down there.]] Blaster– Okay, on the grounds that I used to be a reporter, don’t do that. Windchill– Earth is already in space. Everything is in space. Swoop– Them kissy facing. That gross. Windchill– You Swoop– gross. Soundwave– [[And he can show you how, yes. Not tonight.]] Prowl– ((to be fair: it is ENTIRELY valid for an Eddie Brock to be written as a shitty immoral investigative reporter.)) Swoop– Me Swoop– not in space. Me Swoop– on shoulder. YOU gross Windchill– I am gross, thank you for noticing. Soundwave– *Soundwave– would do that. … Not to Prowl–. He wouldn’t break Prowl–’s trust. But he’d totally do it to another bot.* Prowl– ((but the movie acts like we’re like… supposed to side with him for it.)) Blaster– ((Blaster– is just a lil offended. Not much, but just miffed at him Swoop– *points at Windchill–* Ew Windchill– *Sticks his gross glossa out at Swoop–. Likewise.* Smokescreen– Thanks, Soundwave–, that’d be a cool thing to know! And- and yeah. /Smokescreen–’s taking the crystal and is plopping it directly into his mouth./ Soundwave– ((i got the impression we weren’t supposed to like that he did it? everything points out he was a jackass)) Windchill– (( Yes, it bites him in the butt later. )) (( But I’ve seen this a few times so I’ll be quiet. )) Swoop– *blows raspberries* Soundwave– [[Hmph. No surprises regarding Drake’s reaction.]] Windchill– What a delightful sound. Right in my ear. I love it. Blaster– -sighs- Swoop– Kehehh! *points* No eaaar! Ear a human thing. ((eddie looks so shocked)) Prowl– ((so have i; i still feel like we’re supposed to feel bad for him. he doesn’t, like, change.)) Soundwave– *…Takes notes. DEFINITELY don’t do this to Prowl–.* Smokescreen– … Why is she giving him her ring? Windchill– I have audio receptors and they serve the same function as ears. Guess which one is easier to say? Blaster– ….. SCProwl– To end their courtship is my guess. Swoop– EeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeearrrrrUH Blaster– Oh. That really DID come back to bite him Prowl– ((see up here he’s getting consequences. that’s good, that’s valid. but it’s only at the start)) Twincast– Huh Smokescreen– Huh. So is that a ring he lent her or something? Windchill– Everything out of your mouth is an earful. You Swoop– noisy. Swoop– *licks Windchill–’s audio* *extra slobber just for you* Windchill– *SHUDDERS, complete with an ugly face.* Specs– She grabbed a… fish? With her bare hands? SCProwl– Courtship gifts are gifts. Meant to be kept by the receiver. Returning it is a clear gesture of rejection. Swoop– *chirps* Soundwave– [[The ooze creature is so…]] *Hand motion. What’s a word.* [[Oozy.]] Windchill– *Isn’t even going to try to wipe his ear off. Gross.* SCProwl– *not sure the ring was a courtship gift was but it seems like the most likely guess* Swoop– Booger Windchill– My thoughts exactly. A booger transplant. Swoop– Ewwwwwww *grins* Windchill– That’s quite an assumption but okay. Soundwave– [[…They have used precisely one animal. That is insufficient data.]] Smokescreen– He’s… Not a very good scientist, is he? Swoop– Me Swoop– an animal : > Blaster– -shudders- Soundwave– [[Not at all.]] Specs– Clearly not. How many people did he apparently kill? SCProwl– Impatient for the results he wants. Windchill– Are you Swoop– a wild animal? Blaster– That’s disturbing Soundwave– [[At least three.]] Swoop– *is so damn helpful tonight, it’s a shame Bird isn’t here to be helped* Me Swoop– VERY wild! Windchill– *Ear cleaning is so helpful.* I thought so. Swoop– *would lick Bird* Windchill– I’m empty, too. Swoop– Empty? Windchill– It’s a joke. I made it just for you. I thought you liked them. Swoop– ((Wow. He didn’t jump in and make it worse. I’m kind of surprised. I don’t know I’ve ever seen that in a movie before.)) Me do! :V Windchill– So, there’s a joke for you. First one. Swoop– Do it again Windchill– So soon? Swoop– Yah Windchill– These things take time… I’m not ready. Swoop– Slow keheh Windchill– Maybe so. Blaster– ….ow Windchill– Maybe…slow. Swoop– Slow *pokes* poke Twincast– *may be guilty of being that neighbor once or twice* Windchill– Excuse me sir that is my person that you are poking. Swoop– *bobbles his head in a nod* Soundwave– [[…Does he not know what he is there for?]] Smokescreen– Man, Eddie makes me look like I’m doing amazing in comparison Windchill– You making fun of me for being slow? Is that how it is? Blaster– He’s about to find out Swoop– *continued bobbling* Windchill– This man is very dramatic. Prowl– *arrives belatedly and reluctantly* Soundwave– [][][] I? [][][] Windchill– That’s the word I’m using because the others aren’t so polite. Soundwave– *Soundwave– glances at Prowl–’s late arrival. … Well, this isn’t the best scene to come in on, is it.* Prowl– *stops and stares at the screen* Windchill– Maybe you Swoop– slow. Swoop– No no no. Me Swoop– FAST!!! Blaster– -covers face- Windchill– Faster than I am? Prowl– *… tiredly closes optics. he chose a hell of a time to arrive.* Twincast– Mmm, no, that ain’t healthy Smokescreen– Is… Is that normal for humans Swoop– YAH! Me Swoop– waaaaaaaaaaaay faster. Fastest Best Windchill– Eh, you’re probably right. For now, anyway. Smokescreen– /Smokescreen–’s finally starting to get up from the floor to sit down on one of the arms of the couch away from Soundwave– Oh no Swoop– You Windchill– going to be faster later? Soundwave– *You know what, he’s just. He’s just going to make his greeting to Prowl– very subdued and start it with a mark of apology.* Windchill– When I can transform again? Yeah. Now I have to walk everywhere so I do it as slowly as possible out of spite. Swoop– Spite? Who you mad walking at? Windchill– Me probably. Swoop– *slow blinks his confusion out* Windchill– *Just smiles.* *Points* Cat. Blaster– ….huh Windchill– That’s not creepy at all! Blaster– That explains a few things Swoop– This movie so TALK. When Us do crash DEAD again? Blaster– -mostly about his own career, and the 'side-effects’ of it- Windchill– Uh, maybe later? Swoop– Fastforward Smokescreen– Hey! Cats have people they like Soundwave– [[That is a blatant lie. That cats do not like anyone.]] Smokescreen– Yeah! There’s a Ravage that adopted me! Soundwave– *…Cautiously invites Prowl– to come sit down? At least if he’s going to dislike the movie he can be seated comfortably while he’s uncomfortable with everything else.* Swoop– Sometime, uh, sometime Us watch COMP-i-lation videos. For fights and guts and stuff. That more fun than talk movie. Prowl– *starts. right, yeah, he hasn’t sat yet.* *sits stiffly.* Windchill– Then go watch one of those instead of complaining about what we’re watching now, Swoop–. Swoop– Nooo. *holds onto Windchill–’s helm* Us ALL do. Together. Fun. Soundwave– @P: [[If there is anything you need while you are here - /anything/ - …please, be certain to tell him.]] Smokescreen– … Eddie, Aliens are real Specs– Cats simply have standards about who they /do/ like. Blaster– …..wouldn’t this place have cameras? Windchill– Not when the plot demands it. Swoop– ((This seems like a talk y'all should have had in the car)) Smokescreen– Man, secret walls are always a bad sign, aren’t they? Swoop– Plot 😛 Smokescreen– Like, it was like that in Gotham too Soundwave– [[Always and ever, Smokescreen–.]] Windchill– Maybe we’ll see more goo. Prowl– ((they talked about the weather and how the LA angels were doing all the way here and then she was like “oh right shoulda mentioned the aliens”)) Smokescreen– … I guess no walls are secret for me, though, haha. Swoop– Goo is okay : > Windchill– Killer goo. Blaster– …….. Soundwave– [[…He assumes the goo motionless on the floor is de– oh, it’s the homeless human.]] Smokescreen– oh no Windchill– Why is she frozen? Blaster– ………. Swoop– ((omfg did he really just randomly mash buttons)) Prowl– *grimaces at the noise and lights* Blaster– -covers face again- Soundwave– *Of course they’re preying on those with no alternatives. Of course they are.* *Ugh, the lights.* Swoop– Her choke : V Prowl– *grimaces even harder at the living thing oozing over and under his skin* Smokescreen– Is… Is she gonna be okay Windchill– Dead people. Are you happy now? Swoop– *bounces a little at finally getting some fights* KEHEHH Yah! SCProwl– I sincerely doubt it, Smokescreen–. Smokescreen– He was like “I’ve never climbed a fence THAT high before” And then he woke up at home Windchill– What. Smokescreen– Oh… /Sad, Sad, doorwing droop/ Swoop– Kehaha! Him KILL tree. Soundwave– ((lmfao smokey)) Blaster– That’s…most humans should’t be able to do that Swoop– ((omfg)) SCProwl– ((lol smokey Prowl– ((lol)) Swoop– ((he is the most confused koala)) Soundwave– [[…He is going to go out on a limb and assume that none of this athletic ability is normal for Brock.]] Swoop– *immediately busts up* Out on limb Windchill– *Brows furrow.* Swoop–. Smokescreen– This is a mood Swoop– HI Windchill– *Shakes head.* Blaster– Um…. Smokescreen– … This is extremely relatable Windchill– Why are we being made to hear these gross eating sounds. Blaster– UM Swoop– Him Slag eat like that Smokescreen– oh … He’s kinda weak, huh? Blaster– Ah, there we go Soundwave– *Shudders. Disgustin– WELL THEN* Windchill– I mean, I eat off the floor and out of the trash sometimes. Blaster– !!! Prowl– *shudders at the voice* Swoop– *loses it again at the high pitched scream and KO* Smokescreen– Same! Sometimes, you just gotta have floor food SCProwl– Ugh. Windchill– Extra flavour. Floor flavour. Sometimes tastes oddly of feet. Smokescreen– I can’t say I know what feet taste like! Swoop– *holds his footsie up for Windchill–’s inspection* Windchill– They’re nothing spectacular. Swoop– *wiggles his borby toes* Soundwave– *Watching date Prowl– out of the corner of his optics. Part of him wishes Prowl– hadn’t put himself through this if it was going to be this tough. Another part of him appreciates the glimpse into what it must be like for Prowl– based on his reactions. Mostly, he just wishes it hadn’t ever needed to be a problem.* Windchil *Is immediately distracted by the foot in his face. You know he’s gotta do it.* Swoop– ((Lola, go fuck 'em up!)) Prowl– … That’s another one, isn’t it? Smokescreen– … /Watching Windchill–. Is he gonna do it??/ Windchill– *His glossa snakes out and strikes like a viper in case Swoop– tries to change his mind.* *Gotta lick fast.* Blaster– …… Soundwave– [[Yes. There is one that broke loose during the crash of the Life Foundation ship that brought them to Earth. It is that one.]] Swoop– *SQUEAKS but doesn’t pull away because he isn’t a putz* Blaster– I…what….what is going on here? Smokescreen– …… I’d do this Primus Windchill– *Is watching the debacle on screen with exactly one eye.* Swoop– ((omg I have never seen such a fantastic embodiment of the munchies)) Windchill– Your foot tastes exactly like a foot. Congratulations. Swoop– Good : > Windchill– What happens if you fart in a lobster tank? Smokescreen– /Oh dang he thought Windchill– was gonna bite Swoop–’s feet off or something./ Blaster– ….um… Windchill– Do they die? Well, that one’s dead. Blaster– Is……is he…. Swoop– Bubble Prowl– *it’s just a sustained grimace* Windchill– You can put your foot down, now. Unless you want me to lick it again. Which would be weird. Swoop– ((I’ve seen lots of characters called trash over the years but this man is the first one who is actual literal trash)) Windchill– *points* Dog. SCProwl– ((garbage man, dumpster fire trash loser Prowl– ((they do real good at making him look like absolute garbage)) Swoop– You Windchill– weird kehhehhh! *sets his foot on Windchill– for the grossest footprint* Windchill– You’re the one who wanted your foot licked. You think I lick things for fun? Swoop– Yes Windchill– You’d be right. Swoop– Kehehehheh Soundwave– [[…Is it the magnetic fields or sound?]] *Pity neither would work. He thinks. He hasn’t tried the sound, but Devastator’s a whole different thing.* [[Ah. Sound.]] Smokescreen– Liver failure? SCProwl– Fascinating. Prowl– *that was an amazing visual representation of what it feels like to have a monster in your head. and, of course, Prowl– hated it* Specs– I think human livers are also slightly mandatory, yes. Blaster– -he could do it- Smokescreen– What do they do? Swoop– ((this voice is a hair too close to Audrey II. It’s making me expect a song.)) Smokescreen– Do you have a liver, Specs–? Windchill– I leap up and act weird when I get hungry, too. SCProwl– ((feeeeeeed meeee, eddieeeeee Prowl– ((“does it have to be fresh? does it have to be mine?!” “actually lobster will do”)) Swoop– Weird how? Keheh Smokescreen– ((PFHPFHF Specs– I do! It processes methanol into formic acid, amongst other things. I don’t think human livers need to do that, though. SCProwl– ((bwahaha Windchill– Apparently eating garbage is weird. Blaster– ((HAH Smokescreen– Really? Why? Swoop– Me Swoop– BOMBER. Me do lots lots of flying and stuff. Soooo. *pats his belly* Weigh stuff for right amount things. : > Specs– Humans typically don’t have methanol in their bloodstream, right? Smokescreen– … Methanol? I have no idea, Specs–. Soundwave– *Slooooooowly tries to close his mouth as tight as possible.* Windchill– Because…nobody else wants to eat it? Are you implying that you poop on people, Swoop–? Windchill– It’s a biological antifreeze, for my species! But humans don’t live in the snow all the time. Swoop– *cackles* BOMB poops Soundwave– [[He is up to something. His voice suggests it.]] Smokescreen– Don’t trust him Prowl– His lab full of human experimentation suggests it. Smokescreen– oh no Windchill– Burnt. Swoop– Me : > Smokescreen– EDDIE Windchill– Some people never listen. Soundwave– [[The lab as well, yes. But he meant without seeing evidence of intention at the time.]] Swoop– *LOSES it* *this comedy is on his level* Windchill– Um excuse me that’s not a bug. Rude. Smokescreen– I wish I had goo Swoop– *stares, wide opticed and delighted* Prowl– *… Prowl– figures Soundwave– is probably dying of curiosity by this point, so…* @S «Devastator doesn’t talk to me.» Soundwave– *Lets go of the tray on his lap and pulls his feelers back in. Those will just be staying in his chest all night, yes.* Swoop– *in awe* Wicked! Windchill– I’m not even going to comment on goo right now. Smokescreen– Soundwave–, any idea where a bot can get some goo? Windchill– Just eat them. Swoop– *clacks his jaws together to let everyone know where he stands on the biting off heads discussion* Soundwave– *The tiniest blip of surprise. He wasn’t expecting that. He was wondering that, but he wasn’t expecting it.* @P: [[But you have reacted to architecturally destructive visuals before. Is it emotional instead of verbal, or…?]] Swoop– *is glued to the scrreen, loving this* Soundwave– [[He does not know where to find goo. He would not tell anyone here if he did.]] *That’s the last thing any of them need.* Swoop– *taps his heels against Windchill– as he chirps to himself* Smokescreen– Like- it doesn’t have to be that goo. Windchill– *Tolerates this.* Smokescreen– Just some goo to touch, 'cause it looks pretty cool. Prowl– @S «Emotional. Sometimes he makes… something like noises. But he doesn’t talk.» @S «… Bombshell talked.» Swoop– *claps* Windchill– *Could make jokes about lubricants…but is saving the dirty jokes for later.* Swoop– WHOOOOOO! Windchill– You like the explosions? Swoop– DUH! Windchill– I like the colour, it’s very fancy. Swoop– Me Swoop– could blue fire with some copper : > Windchill– Yeah, like how they make fireworks with different colours. Swoop– FACE fireworks! Soundwave– @P: [[Noises. Like screaming or growling, then?]] *That made sense. Maybe he needed everyone to have a coherent mind? No, Devastator had called him through Prowl– before. Someone not in control, then.* [[…Did he talk like this? Like the creature does to the Brock human.]] Windchill– Uh, yeah. Swoop– DEAD KAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA DEEEEEEEEEAD Soundwave– *…THAT is certainly one advantage of having one of these symbiotes.* Blaster– ….that oh wow Prowl– @S «LIKE that. It’s not actual audible sounds, but it /feels/ like roaring.» *he considers the question for a long moment.* «… No. It was a lot worse than this.» Windchill– That’s a lot of teeth. I approve. Swoop– KAH! BITE! Windchill– *Nods.* *He has a certain appreciation for biting the heads off of enemies.* Soundwave– *oh, it’s got Soundwave–’s teeth* Blaster– -actually squeaks this time- Windchill– I like this goo guy. Prowl– *shudders at venom’s little speech* Smokescreen– Rude! Swoop– ((Was that a NOSE BOOP?)) Smokescreen– ((YES Blaster– Yep, okay, no Soundwave– @P: [[He imagines there was never a 'we’.]] *Oh, did it HAVE to say it was in his head? Really?* Prowl– @S «… That was closer to what it was like.» Blaster– The CHILD SCProwl– That’s why this is called Venom? *Disappointed. There’s nothing venomous about the symbiote.* Smokescreen– Renal? Swoop– Gots Windchill– Hey no looking at your phone while driving, lady. Prowl– @P: [[That is - obviously you did not want a 'we’. He is trying to say, he doubts Bombshell spoke to you in any manner other than ordering.]] Windchill– I’m calling the police. Soundwave– *points to the police for Windchill–* Windchill– *He appreciates the assistance but refuses to look.* Prowl– @S «You’re correct. Nearly everything Venom said to him could have been something Bombshell said.» Swoop– ((WE <3 )) Smokescreen– ((WE SCProwl– Could they be poisoning their hosts? Would a compatible human even exist then? Blaster– -ohprimusheightsno- Windchill– Most things are less ugly from a distance. Blaster– Stop looking DOWN Windchill– Defeated by a plane. Smokescreen– Awww. Man, that is the nastiest sweatshirt ever Twincast– ((asfgh Prowl– ((i fucking love)) Swoop– ((are they fucking flirting)) Smokescreen– ((Yes Prowl– ((you know it)) Blaster– ((AWESOME Swoop– Whoaaaaaaa *starry optics* Swerve– //i know it’s canon in the comics that they;re like, married but sometimes i’m surprised that they allowed that much implied flirting in the movie Windchill– Oh, nice. Prowl– ((married with a BABY)) Swerve– //yea lmao Swoop– *in awe* Me Swoop– wanna do that….! : V Prowl– ((… multiple babies but like only the latest one counts)) Windchill– How did she get in? Soundwave– ((y'all ain’t wondered why i said venomtines day lmao)) Prowl– ((they weren’t ready to be parents before)) Windchill– You Swoop– do what? Smash people with other people? Swoop– *Snickers.* Yah! Soundwave– @P: [[He is sorry. That it was what it was. … And thankful that he can speak to you as he does. He often wondered, but - this is very - it is clarifying.]] *Oh, the scared and needing help bit tugs his spark. Damn it.* Swoop– ((And thus Eddie learns that it’s best to just listen to someone else because he has no goddamn sense)) Blaster– Oh, he’d /hate/ me Prowl– @S «This really doesn’t give a very good glimpse of it.» Soundwave– *Kind of glad she’s trying to help, at least.* @P: [[It was more than this?]] Swoop– ((Omg Venom and Annie fuckin got each other’s backs)) Swerve– //venom a+ wingman? Swoop– ((dealing with this terrible garbage man they love)) Prowl– @S «God, yes.» Windchill– Fantastic. Prowl– ((see that there is kind of the beginning and end of his entire self-reflection on the fact that he screwed things up royally)) ((and it came with prompting and didn’t really indicate that he has any understanding that everything ELSE he did was wrong)) Windchill– Gross. Swoop– Punch it Prowl– ((the rest of the movie is like “oh… yeah… this dude really IS a villain… eddie was good for standing up for him, probably, and isn’t it sad that he doesn’t have a job.”)) ((like he’s explicitly characterized as a “loser.” as a person who failed. not as, for instance, an “asshole.” losers are victims of circumstance, not the architects of their own failure.)) Blaster– ((DOGGO Windchill– Oh joy, this is gonna be an interrogation scene, isn’t it. Swerve– //i love the movie but yeah in this case he’s only seen as a loser because he was an asshole in the first place and didn’t really seem to grasp that entirely Swoop– Whoo! Swerve– //still love that doggo tho Prowl– ((that’s why I said i’m disappointed at how we’re expected to sympathize with him. they started off strong–making everything his fault, having him say everything is drake’s fault and annie calling him out on it–that was great stuff)) ((but by the end it’s Poor Eddie The Loser Was Right All Along)) Soundwave– @P: [[Is it permitted for him to ask for more explanation? He knows you do not like to discuss this business in detail, and would ask the alternates of his that were controlled, but he has not encountered any in person. He would like to understand more - understand you. If you are able at this point in time.]] Windchill– *Smacks lips at villainous monologue.* Swoop– *leans over to see what the smacking is about* Windchill– *Smacks more.* Prowl– ((and maybe symby sees him as a loser because he sees himself as a loser, rather than as an asshole–but the more the movie goes on, the more that “eddie is the jerk here” narrative fades away)) Swoop– *mimics the smacking* Soundwave– *Starts at Riot’s appearance* Blaster– …….. Swoop– ((gay)) Windchill– *It’s a chorus of smacking with no snacks to smack on. Tragedy.* Smokescreen– Is… Is that where they’re stored Swoop– *doesn’t know what we’re doing but it’s a team sport now* Windchill– *Smack smack smack.* Prowl– @S «… For starters, Bombshell didn’t let me copilot.» Windchill– *Stops smacking.* Blaster– HOLY-! Windchill– Wow, boobies. *Resumes smacking.* Twincast– ((weakass ladyvenom design Blaster– Um…. Swoop– ((does this count as a threesome)) Prowl– ((i choose to believe that kiss was entirely symby)) Windchill– WHAT. *Fluffs up.* Swoop– King Blaster– I’m… Okay… Windchill– *Grunts in displeasure.* Blaster– Not going to ask Swerve– //i think i like the comic version of klyntar’s more tho than the mcu version Windchill– Awkward, but I’m going to laugh at this. Yes. Smokescreen– ((awwww Prowl– ((i prefer comic venom entirely)) Swoop– Laugh at what? Windchill– My mate’s name is Riot. Prowl– ((the movie version is fun but it’s not my preference)) Swoop– Sweet : V Swerve– //i havent read enough of the venom comics to know him outside the mcu but i do at least know the klyntar in the comics enough to prefer them to mcu’s SCProwl– ((this isn’t mcu. it’s its own thing Prowl– ((~*venomverse*~)) Blaster– ….-muffled snicker- Swerve– //gfhbg yeah i just. refer to all of the live action superhero movies mcu at this point lmao Windchill– …My Riot isn’t that goopy, though. Swoop– You suuure? Windchill– Not usually. Maybe sometimes. Prowl– ((*sees a new batman movie* “grimdark mcu is at it again”)) Windchill– Can’t fight for shit either. Swoop– Whoa! Him get BUTT kicked! Blaster– ….. Swerve– //lmfao i mean Windchill– What a mess. Blaster– What the heck? Windchill– Well, that didn’t last long. Blaster– Annie! Swoop– You Soundwave– can beat up EVERYONE in this movie. Prowl– ((two nerds pathetically smacking each other is the best part of the fight)) Soundwave– @P: [[You have great willpower; the amount of control he would have to have taken - what he’d have to exert to keep you held in–]] *He’s thinking about how much it would take from himself.* [[…You saw Unicron’s control of Megatron. Could you speak to - or at - him as Megatron did? Or were you denied even that?]] Swoop– ((is it just me or is everyone else waiting for venom to get all hot and bothered by his host beating up someone elses’ host?)) Windchill– Dead. Soundwave– [[Perhaps. He’s never encountered a symbiote.]] *And he didn’t do so well against the Unicron up close.* Swoop– D E A D Windchill– Is… Is the sound of the rocket not enough? Prowl– @S «Willpower shmillpower. He didn’t have to exert anything. That’s not how the mechanics of it works.» Swoop– KA BOOM! Windchill– Double dead. Blaster– -covers face- Swoop– drown dead pretty boring dead Soundwave– @P: [[Hm. Closer to a virus?]] Windchill– If you say so. Swoop– Do Do say so Windchill– Not enough explosions? Swoop– Drowning boring. Blub blub fish nibbles. Windchill– Okay. Why are his lips so big Prowl– @S «He severed the connection between my brain and my body.» Soundwave– *Sits up straight.* Tarantulas (( OOPS SORRY (( didnt mean to take remote Smokescreen– ((theif,, Tarantulas (( stealin spide Swoop– ((venom omg buddy)) Smokescreen– ((sneaky spide Soundwave– @P: [[…That is more horrifying than anything he had imagined it was.]] Swoop– ((this is a real romcom good god)) Windchill– Dog. Blaster– ((STAN LEEEE Windchill– *Gasps.* Swoop– Nom nom bite Windchill– There are rules about eating people? That’s news to me. Swoop– Me Swoop– bite LOTS of people Not eat tho Windchill– Luckily, I don’t care much for rules so like, whatever. Just bite? Why? Are you mean? Swoop– ((I hope that writing job pays well because his food budget just went through the damn roof)) Yah, mean : > Windchill– Cool. All of my friends are mean. Smokescreen– “I have a parasite” Man, what an excuse Blaster– ((not hungry anymore Prowl– *mutters* I’m calling Devastator a parasite from now on. *it’s not a term of endearment.* Swoop– ((Wait wait… that was the line from the trailer that they made all ominous.)) Prowl– ((the trailer was so misleading)) Swoop– ((no kidding)) Windchill– (( Oh yeah I’ve had discussions about that one. Marketing at its finest, as usual.)) Blaster– ((it was Prowl– ((venom is menacing toward eddie for all of five minutes and then immediately starts falling in love with him)) Swerve– //yeah when i went to see it originally i expected that scene way way earlier Specs– ((that’s the power of tom hardy)) Soundwave– *Approval ping after the parasite Devastator comment.* Windchill– Edgy. Swerve– //this def sets up for a sequel tho so i’m curious if they’re gonna follow thru on it Swoop– Him not very red ((little on the nose but I’m okay with it)) Prowl– ((i’m disappointed that eddie wasn’t a beefy mulleted blond, but tom hardy is just SO GOOD at being gross in that hoodie, i’ll take him too)) Blaster– ((HAH Swerve– //lmao Windchill– *Stretches exactly one leg.* Smokescreen– ((im still so glad the lobster tank scene was unscripted and he just did that Windchill– That sure was gooey. Prowl– ((I KNOW it was brilliant)) Swoop– ((Tom Hardy did a good job for sure. Normally, when people say “you look terrible” to someone in a movie, it’s a cue on how we should be reading things. In this movie, he actually looked fucking awful.)) Prowl– ((he did. he looked nasty the whole movie)) Swoop– ((Was it really? That is beautiful)) Swerve– //im so glad it was god Specs– *the dragon stretches* Thank you for having me, Soundwave–! Swoop– It pretty good fights : > OH! Us do Mad Max now : V That good fight movie : > Windchill– Had some explosions. Soundwave– [[You are welcome, dragon.]] Swerve– //is this a deleted scene //also wow rabbit did u need to cut off the last post of the chat Soundwave– ((yes)) Prowl– ((this is a great scene and i’m so upset they took it out)) Blaster– ((pffff Swoop– ((So damn good)) SCProwl– ((Venom is gonna make Eddie a better person via cannibalism and tater tots Swoop– ((I saw pics of Eddie getting carried away fro mthe lobster tank too)) Soundwave– ((public stream end marker: 10:00)) Windchill– *Rolls his shoulders. Will this dislodge the dinobot?* Smokescreen– So, uh, Soundwave— you up to maybe dance again sometime? Swoop– *has stayed on a bucking T-rex trying to dislodge him, this is nothing* Windchill– *Sways from side to side.* Soundwave– [[Another time, Smokescreen–. Not tonight.]] *And not to this, for sure.* Swoop– What you dancing for? Windchill– Excuse me? Dance? How dare you suggest such a thing. I’m trying to get you off. Swoop– yuh HUH dance Windchill– Ineffectively. Swoop– Oh Then you suck at doing keheheh Smokescreen– Aww, okay. I’d be up to meet up with you to dance sometime, then! It’d be fun. Windchill– *Grunts his agreement.* Soundwave– [[Perhaps after a movie that is actually fun.]] Twincast– *staaaands. maybe he wasn’t so chatty tonight, but he’d be rude to not give their host a ping goodbye. Maybe next time~* Windchill– You’ll have to get off sometime. Soundwave– *Perhaps next time indeed. Farewell, Twincast–.* Twincast– ((I was so engrossed I forgot to RP. It was fun!! Thanks for streaming : D Swoop– ((I know the movie might have MEANT to imply that Annie was lying about the kiss being Venom’s idea but Venom literally never missed a chance to try to smash them together like Barbie dolls so I 10/10 believe her.)) Nuh uh Smokescreen– … I thought that was fun Windchill– Yuh-huh. Swoop– Not if us DIE here Soundwave– ((you’re welcome!)) Windchill– Oh. Well, sure, but why would we die here? Smokescreen– Oh! Oh, I know a good dance song for us, later. Have you ever heard of Cascada, Soundwave–? Swopp *is joking but he’s got a back full of missiles if we want to end it all* Blaster– ….-yawns and stretches- Swoop– so BORED from these songs us DIE Windchill– *Snorts.* I like them. Swoop– no Windchill– Yes. Blaster– Anyway, thanks for that, but I have to go now. Hopefully to sleep. Swoop– nO Windchill– I’m not having this argument with you. Blaster– Goodnight. Swoop– yes Soundwave– [[Goodnight, those leaving.]] Swerve– //nini friendos Windchill– No. Soundwave– [[And of course he has heard of that. Again, though: another night.]] Swoop– *squeaks* YES Smokescreen– Cool! I’m looking forward to it. Thanks for the crystal- and I still REALLY want you to show me how to knock bots down like you did earlier! Windchill– No, you can’t make me. *Squints at the squeaking next to his head.* Swoop– Can too Smokescreen– /Smokescreen–’s finally getting himself up, and is dropping by the bar to grab a drink before he finally goes home!/ Windchill– No. I have a date later and you, *he points over his shoulder at the Swoop– in question,* want no part of it, so you have to get off and like, not waste my time. *Stands up, Swoop– or no Swoop–.* Swoop– a DATE? :V Windchill– That’s what I said. Swoop– *PERKS UP* TOP GUN Soundwave–, us watch Top Gun? *bounces right off Windchill–* Windchill– *Oh, thank god.* Soundwave– [[No, not right now. Now it is time to leave.]] Swoop– : < But Top Gun good movie, Soundwave– Soundwave– [[Then go home and watch it with your brothers.]] Swoop– Them LAME No flying Windchill– Goodnight, thanks for goo movie, have fun telling Swoop– no for the next several minutes. Swoop– : > Soundwave– [[Goodnight, you are welcome, and he absolutely won’t.]] Swoop– Howwww about a LITTLE top gun : > Just flying parts! Windchill– I guess it’s not for everyone. Bye Swoop–, I’m leaving you here. Sucker. Swoop– *clearly has better taste than Windchill– since he is fighting for TOP GUN* Windchill– *Clearly.* *Waves, and backs for the exit.* Soundwave– [[On your way, now, Swoop–. There is no Top Gun here.]] Swoop– *gives the BIGGEST SIGH IN THE WORLD* fine Windchill– *Normally picks up straggler children to deposit home, but is apparently choosing to be irresponsible and leave it for Soundwave– to deal with.* Swoop– You Soundwave– boring boring Windchill– *And he’s gone before that can change.* Soundwave– [[Yes. What a terrible bot he is. Best you go and leave him to do dull paperwork and listen to people talking for hours without any fighting.]] Swoop– *knows he’s being teased but doesn’t NOT believe that’s what’s going to happen so he blows raspberries all the way out the door* Soundwave– *What do you know? That worked.* Prowl– *gives Soundwave– an expectant look* Soundwave– *Looks back and then around. He’s… he’s not actually sure what to do now. This was a Bad Night, movie-wise.* [[Do - would you like to clean, like the last time, or -]] *Twitchy fingers.* [[We could walk through the settlement nearby, or - anything else you would prefer to do. Actual paperwork, even. He does not know.]] Prowl– You mean doing paperwork and listening to people talking for hours WASN’T the explicit plan? Soundwave– [[Oh. He said that mostly to be rid of Swoop– in a timely fashion, but he has nothing against it if you would actually like that. He has plenty of the first, and the second could be either of us. Or someone else, if you had them in mind.]] Prowl– *… humor ping* Soundwave– *Oh, a joke. Okay, he’s got it now.* [[Ah. His apologies. That actually IS how he likes to spend his nights sometimes.]] *He forgets himself and smiles the teensiest bit.* Prowl– Me too. Sans talking, usually. Soundwave– [[He sees. … Do you have paperwork with you? We could work on that together. Sitting together, that is. Obviously, he is not entitled to type up your reports for you.]] *Pause.* [[Though he could do so with extreme speed.]] *Shakes his head.* [[A good and comfortable shared silence is never to be taken for granted.]] [[…Unless you meant you prefer someone else to do the talking, in which case he has plenty of tales he could tell you.]] Prowl– No, I don’t have paperwork with me. I—don’t know what I want to do. *it’s partially untrue. he does know what he wants to do—go home and be alone for a while—but he can’t have that. he’s never going to be alone again.* Soundwave– *Considers this.* [[You could do nothing, in a sense.]] *Small hand gesture.* [[Sitting and resting, sleeping, doing something unimportant for no reason other than it is fun. That sort of thing.]] Prowl– So, the usual movie night options. *beat.* … The usual besides interfacing. Soundwave– [[A fair point, if an important one. Such moments tend to be good for us both. Though he would like to clarify that he was not thinking of interfacing. He may not have the ability to sing, but he is not tone deaf.]] [[He will clean before it is much later. Experiment with what you care to do at the moment as you like; all he asks is that if you decide what you wish to do is something away from him, you interrupt to bid him goodnight first instead of simply popping away. An acceptable deal?]] Prowl– Mm. I’ll help clean. *that’s something productive he can latch onto. he doesn’t want to just sit and stare around* Soundwave– *Nods and motions toward the couches. Bridge away!* [[…He doesn’t suppose he could get you to help with the upstairs, the Kangaskhan, and the outer walls as well? Being away for a week tends to inspire his deployers to leave things undone.]] *Humor ping.* Prowl– Sure. Maybe not the—the Genghis Khan. I’d rather not have to worry about stepping on organics. Soundwave– [[Oh, they’re very sharp when it comes to not being stepped on - but better to err on the side of caution, yes. Still. He should introduce you to them some time, now that they have air masks.]] Prowl– Another time.]] Soundwave– ((aw man you can’t edit now? booooo)) [[Another time. Not now. Very well, here and the upper floors - and perhaps, if you still feel up to it and are not afraid of heights, he will show you how the deployers scrub the outer walls. And how he does. Both very entertaining.]] *Another small smile, because the first wasn’t as much of a problem as he’d expected. He’s trying to be a distraction. Primus only knows if it works.* [[Come, come. Everything to its place, now.]] *Affection, times three.* Prowl– I’d hardly call that “heights.” It’s only a few stories. *height’s relative and his universe’s Cybertronians are durable. he gets to work bridging the couches back where they belong; there’s a moment of hesitation before he remembers to return the three pings.* Soundwave– [[You’ve never met Blades, have you.]] *Soft huff.* Prowl– Sure. I’ve known him since before the war, we were in Security Services under Sentinel Prime. Starscream forced him into a combiner recently. Soundwave– *Puts the snacks he was crating back on the bar and turns to look at Prowl–, mouth in a small o and everything.* [[…Were it anyone else talking, he would suspect that of being a joke.]] *Shakes his head and goes back to packing.* [[Another reason to see Starscream deposed, he supposes. And he is sorry to hear of your - friend’s? - fate.]] [[He did mean his own, however. Grounder turned extremely unwilling helicopter turned grounder again. He would be surprised if Blades is even capable of jumping anymore. Poor mech.]] [[…Perhaps there’s a link somewhere in this misfortune of theirs. He’ll note it on the map.]] Prowl– I’ve never heard of mine ever being anything but a helicopter. And since I’ve known him since before extensive body mods were allowed, I suspect that’s his original shape. *all the couches are in place, he’s going to find something else to clean.* Not friend. Just longtime acquaintance. Soundwave– [[Longtime acquaintance, then. Still - he would not have wished that on him.]] *Mopping behind the bar while he’s there.* [[Do the two of you speak now?]] Prowl– He and his team have a standing invitation to contact me if they—need anything. They haven’t utilized it recently. Soundwave– [[Disappointing.]] *Maybe it would be good for Prowl– to have someone who Really, Really Gets It he could talk about it with, instead of Soundwave–’s fumbling attempts? Then again, that means someone else had to go through it. He doesn’t know. Unpleasant and sticky situations he never gave much thought to before the war ended.* [[But understandable, in a way. Some pains are too personal to share so easily.]] [[…Thank you for trying to explain it to him earlier, while he is thinking about it. He knows he does not fully grasp all of your situation, but he will continue to try. He would like to always be someone you can rely on to listen to and hear you when you speak about it. You deserve that.]] [[Enough of this room. Let us go clean upstairs. It needs it more anyway.]] Prowl– *a jerky nod* Thanks. For listening. *it sounds hollow right now, when he’s tired of thinking about it; but he knows that later on when he’s less exhausted he’ll be grateful for it.* Lead the way. *and up they shall go.*

#chat #submission

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builder051 · 7 years ago

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How about they are still too early in their relationship to really know the signs of when the other is feeling badly, so they’re on a date, and one is feeling really shit (fever, nausea, headache) and the other one doesn’t pick up on it until the sick one darts away to the bathroom but can’t *quite* make it. And the other one is all “OH SHIT I DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP OH MY GOD”

Ok, so I debated making this part of the Jax Beach arc, but I decided to leave it as a stand-alone, even though it’s a part of that whole canon. The arc is going to be about a lot more than just the Mark/Troy relationship, though it will feature heavily.

This is also the best prompt ever and I love it and I loved writing it.

_____

They meet at a coffee shop in Orange Park. It’s out of the way for both of them, but Troy has a feeling Mark doesn’t want to risk running into anyone he knows. Troy spent most of high school and his stint in college doing the same thing, so he doesn’t mind. He puts on white-rimmed sunglasses and drives his mustang with the top down, enjoying the wind ruffling his hair.

People turn and look when he pulls into a parking spot, and Troy’s casually embarrassed. He’s gotten used to the stares. His hair and his car tend to attract them, not to mention his stump arm, but today he’s glad he looks good. He knows he’s blushing, though as he opens the door to the café.

Mark’s already sitting at a table, playing with his phone and bouncing his knee. Troy takes an anticipatory breath and walks around the long way so Mark has a chance to see him coming.

“Hey!” Mark says, his face lighting up when he sees Troy. “How are you, man?”

“Hey, good,” Troy replies. “Nice to see you.”

“Yeah, you too.” Mark seems the slightest bit nervous today, and it strikes Troy as odd after he’d been so calm when they’d met at the brewhouse. But Mark had been drinking then, and first dates are always awkward. Especially when you really like the other person.

“Have you ordered yet?” Troy asks. Mark doesn’t have a cup in front of him, and this doesn’t strike Troy as the kind of place where orders are brought out to tables.

“Not yet.” Mark stands and reaches into his back pocket for his wallet.

“Hey, it’s my treat today,” Troy says. “After the way things happened last time I saw you, I think I owe you one.” He tries not to cringe at the memory of being sick in the bathroom while Mark waited for him outside the stall.

“You sure?” Mark asks.

Troy nods. “Of course.” Date or not, a cup of coffee is meager repayment for the kindness Mark had shown that night.

“Thanks,” Mark says, following Troy to the counter to order.

“I’ll have a sweet tea,” Troy says. It’s his usual, boring order. “And…” he turns to Mark.

“Uh, just a green tea for me.”

The barista turns to get the drinks, and Troy asks, “Really? I thought you’d be more of a coffee guy.” He’d honestly expected Mark to go for something like a mocha.

Mark shrugs. “I like to mix it up, I guess,” he says.

“You want a scone or something?” Troy gestures toward the glass-fronted case of baked goods. “Don’t feel like you have to skimp.”

“I’m alright. But thanks.”

The barista places a glass and a mug on the counter. Troy pays, and he’s about to ask if Mark would mind carrying both while he wrestles with his wallet, but Mark’s already holding the two cups. “Thank you,” Troy says as they head back to their table.

“No, thank you.” Mark slops some of his tea over the rim of the mug as he sets it down. “Shit,” he mutters. “Sorry.”

“No problem.” Troy pulls a napkin from the dispenser on the table and dabs at the spill. He scoops the soggy paper between his hand and his stump and rises to throw it away.

“Thanks,” Mark says again as Troy takes his seat.

Troy smiles. “So,” he says, eager to get out of the circle of thank yous and you’re welocmes. “Did you work today?”

“Yeah.” Mark nods. “It was a totally normal, boring day,” he says. “I don’t know why it wiped me out.” He laughs and lifts his mug.

“What do you do?” Troy asks.

“Software,” Mark says, swallowing and returning the cup to the tabletop. He hovers his hands in the steam as if warming them. “Engineering, I mean. Software engineering. At Skyline Integration?”

“Wow. That’s…really neat.” Troy sticks a straw into his cup. He drives past the massive chrome and glass Skyline building three days a week on his way to the call center. He can barely believe he’s on a date with someone as well-appointed as Mark. Handsome, funny, and obviously smart. Probably wealthy, too. Though that’s beside the point.

“It’s actually really boring,” Mark admits. “Crunching numbers… I don’t get to see the finished product, so it’s all just code.” He looks down at the table, then asks, “What do you do?”

“Um, well,” Troy starts, now a little uncomfortable about his lack of education and packed part-time schedule. “I’m an insurance agent, mostly.”

“Mostly?”

“Three days a week, right now,” Troy clarifies. “My schedule changes, but I answer calls for health insurance. Then I do my other job the other two days. And on Saturdays sometimes.” He’s even less inclined to bring up the fact that he’s also a receptionist, now that he knows he’s talking to an engineer.

“Hm,” Mark says. He still looks interested, but his expression is glazed. He might be sweating, too, but it could just be that he’s drinking hot tea.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t say it’s all that fun either,” Troy says with a nervous laugh. “But I know I’m helping people, so…” He shrugs.

Mark nods. Then he jumps to his feet. “Hold on just a minute…” It comes so quietly Troy’s not sure he actually heard the words.

“Yeah, alright,” Troy says, concerned.

Mark walks stiffly toward the bathroom at the back of the café. His uncomfortable posture lines up with his subdued mannerisms and bland drink choice, and Troy’s heart sinks. If Mark’s not feeling well, Troy can only imagine he’s caught the same bug he’d dealt with himself last week.

Mark’s almost at the bathroom door when he stops in his tracks, his shoulders hunching forward and his head bowing. The entire coffee shop goes quiet as Mark retches, and the sound of liquid hitting the floor is roughly the volume of a sonic boom.

Troy launches out of his chair and puts his arm around Mark’s waist, in such a hurry to get him to privacy that he doesn’t worry about touching Mark’s hand with his stump. “Alright, let’s just go in here,” Troy murmurs, grateful that the bathroom is single-occupancy. He locks the door behind them.

Mark manages to get over the toilet before he throws up again. Troy keeps his arm around his waist while he pats his shoulder with his hand. “Ok,” he soothes. “You’ll be ok.” Mark heaves up another slew of stomach contents, and Troy looks away, examining the shape of Mark’s curls instead.

When he’s finished, Mark leans to sit against the wall, breathing raggedly. He wipes his forehead with his hand, and Troy fumbles to get him a wad of toilet paper. Mark nods in thanks, and Troy sits beside him. By a whim of the cosmos, the arm closest to Mark is his left, so Troy pushes insecurities aside and rests his stump comfortingly on Mark’s knee. Now that they’ve both been ill in the whole two times they’ve met, the usual awkwardness of a new relationship seems far gone.

“I’m sorry you’re not feeling good,” Troy murmurs. “I bet you caught it from me, too. You could’ve cancelled.”

Mark shrugs. “I thought I was alright,” he croaks. “And I, uh. I really wanted to see you.”

“You still should have said something,” Troy says. He wonders if he’d be overstepping his bounds if he felt Mark’s forehead. Warmth seems to be radiating off him. He decides to take the risk and softly presses the backs of his knuckles to Mark’s cheek. The fever is obvious. “How about I drive you home?” Troy suggests. “Do you feel like you can make it ok?”

Mark slowly nods. Then smiles. “You’ll stay for another cup of tea, right?”

“Yeah.” Troy smiles back.

#jax beach crowd #my ocs #Troy DeHaven #mark acosta #sickfic #emeto #emetophilia

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whytheracecardisplayed · 6 years ago

Photo

LET'S ROB THOSE WHITE BOYS!

True story.

Me, my nigga Hurley, my dawg Delricus and this nigga nu nu. We all in the car passin around a 5th of KT (Kentucky Tavern). We not drunk but we buzzin. A 5th gets alot smaller when four people are on it.

We talking and bullshitin like we usually do. In the front seats, Hurley driven. Sucking on his thumb while he talking like he always does. Ricus talkin bout some bitch he smashed like he always does. And in the back seat, Nu nu holdin on to the bottle too long like he always does. And me, I'm tellin him to pass that shut like I usually do.

We aint goin nowhere particular. We just ridin. The car we in is owned by the bitch im fuckn wit. Me and my niggas stay in some bitch car. We out of the city part of town. Now we out here in the country part. Corn, tabacostalks, and fields. Then this nigga nu nu was like 'Lets get some weed'. 'We ain got no money'. Hurley says. 'Man we gotta get some weed somehow nigga, I'm feenin back here'.

We ride around for a while. We stop at the light. Some white boys in a black truck pulled up beside us. Nu nu rolls his window down and asked them do they got some bud. The white boy was like yeah and told us to pull over with them to a graveled field.

While we were pullin over, Hurley was like 'How you gon get weed an you ain got no money'? Then nu nu says, 'Man, I'ma rob these white boys'. Ricus was like, 'Wit what? you aint got shit on you'. then nu nu was like 'Man, I'ma just snatch the shit out his hand when the show it to me'.

I said. Man, thats some stupid shit. Nu nu was like, 'Na it ain't. they just white boys. WTF they gonna do'?

So we pull off the road and on to the graveled field. Nu nu and Hurley get out the car. Me and Delricus both is like, 'I ain't wit that shit.' So we stay in the whip.

After a couple minutes. Hurley waves to me and Ricus to get out of the car. We reluctantly do so. Then walk over to the black truck. Nu nu and the other white boy was off the to side. Talkin about whatever. Hurley had cooked up some scheme and was usin me and Ricus to back up his lie. When he finished we just nodded our heads and said yes.

That's when I noticed the white boy in the truck was gripping the most beautiful black nine with a shiny chrome chamber. I also notice the white boy sittin in the trunk has a mean look on his face.

I couldn't take my eyes off the piece. It was perfect for me and I wanted it. You ever think about sellin that? I ask him. Without even lookin at me he just shook his head no. I don't remember what all Hurley said to this guy. But whatever it was, made him upset and grip his gun really tight. I'm thinkin if I grab the gun, Ricus will help me pry his hands up off it. All of a sudden I hear nu nu and the white boy both raise their voices.

That shifted my attention away from taking the gun and made me lose my nerve. Their growing tempered also reminded me of how stupid this was and that I wasnt wit it. On cue, me and Ricus head back to the car. Leaving Hurley and nu nu to do whatever it is they're doin.

We sit in the car for a couple minutes when nu nu hops in the back seat. Yo wassup? I ask him. 'Nothing. I'm good'. He says. Ricus turns around and ask him did he get the bud. But nu nu didn't have time to answer. The whiteboy was arguing with starts knocking on the window on nu nu's side. Yelling at him to get out of the car. Behind him I can see Hurley talking with his hand like he was explaining himself.

Nu nu doesn't move or speak. He just sitting here leoking forward try his best to ignore the white boy. Questions to nu nu about WTF was going on went unanswered. Then, the white boy says something like, 'Ok you wanna fuck with me'? Or 'Ok that's how you want it.' or something like that and he walks away. Me and Ricus decide to get out of the car to find out what's going on. And to get Hurley's dumb ass back in the car so we can get the hell out of here.

We hop out and make our way to Hurley. We only walk a free feet when the white boy that nu nu was arguing with, comes from behind the truck holding a big, black, shotgun. I don't know what his beef was with me and Ricus but he points the thing straight at us.

The round hole at the end of the barrel where the bullet comes out, is the size of a black sun. I have never had a rifle pointed at me before. A rush of terror jumped into my body. Ricus through up his hands. I start walking sideways in order to get out of the way of the gun.

'Tell your boy to get out of the car and give me my shit!' He screams. Ricus was like. 'Man. IDK what you talkin about. I didn't do shit!' he says this while stepping to the side as well. The white boy shifts his aim back and forth from Ricus to I. Hurley starts pleading his case attempting to calm the white boy down and promising to get his shit back.

He walks over to the car, and starts yelling at nu nu to get out. But nu nu doesn't budge. And when Hurley tries to open his side of the door it was locked. He had to open the front door in order to talk to him.

Around this time, the white boy with that beautiful nine got out of his truck. He's standing in front of his driver side window. Gun to his side just staring at us. The other white boy's walking and forth from his friend to our car. He's talking to us, his fiend and to himself. Saying things like 'Fuck that! All I want is my shit back.' And 'Y'all mother fuckers got us confused.'

I was waiting for him to call us the N-word, but he never did.

Finally, Hurley walks over to him and hands him what nu nu had taken. The white boy lowers his weapon and preaches to Hurley about respect and peoples property. He allows us all to get back in our car and leave.

A couple years later, I got locked up for some BS. While in the 'drunk tank' I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the white boy (the one with the shotty) sitting there. Watching tv. I walk up to him. I think about punching him. Or shmackin him. Or embarrassing him somehow. He's not a big guy. And I know I can take him. But I thunk on it some more. And in my head was like, na man. He didnt do nothin wrong. He stood up for his and held it down. A level of respect replaced any plans to harm him.

I say. Hi, remember me. He takes one glance at me. Then looks back at the television an says, 'Yeah, I remember you. How's your boy'? I guessed he was referring to nu nu. When I didn't reply he looks over at me and smiles. I return one. Then we go over what happened that day. I remember him saying 'Me and my boy were high as shit off X that day. I'm tweekn heavy. And I was like. Man. I'ma let these mother fuckers take my shit? Na...Na.'

'Lets rob those white boys' -by jonathan deez nut riley

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nora-reads-homestuck · 8 years ago

Text

Nora Reads HS Part 66

Pages 6056-6093

Hey guys! Things got busy busy busy with work and the holidays, but like Slim Shady, I am back. Last time we got brief introductions to Jane and Jake, the post-Scratch young Nanna and Grandpa, respectively, and it was interesting to see how the modern setting meshed with their old-timey dialogic idiosyncrasies. I’m very much looking forward to (hopefully!) meeting young Mom and Bro this time around and learning what they’re like. So far all I know for certain is that Bro is as elusive as his pre-Scratch counterpart, and Mom and Jane are, like, BFFsies or something. I feel like we’ve gotten some minor sneak peeks into their personalities after seeing adult!Mom’s pink, girly bedroom in the Skaianet lab, and... oh god... from Bro’s awful comics. How will these quirks translate into fully-fleshed teenagers, and just how fucked up will young Bro be?

Let’s find out! ^0^

*click*

Jane: Answer Lalonde.

OH MY GOD SHE IS SO FUCKING CUTE. We are 2/2 on post-Scratch girls being GODDAMNED ADORABLE. I love her little pink phone, and her mutant kitty symbol, and her hair curlicue, and her tights under her skirt (are those leg warmers?), and her... martini?? Ok, so, these kids are still kids, right? If this is November 2011 and Jane’s thirteenth birthday was 3 years ago, then young Mom should only be just about to turn seventeen. Adult Mom obviously had a habitual hankering for hooch, but it’s weird and kind of worrying to see that carry over into her teenage self. Anyway, let’s see what she’s got to say!

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:24

Huh, so she’s got Dave’s pesterchum initials, and not Rose’s. Come to think of it, Jane has Jade’s initials, and not John’s. So then I guess I’d expect Bro to have Rose’s initials... which is odd. Anyway, her handle seems to confirm that she’s a drunk-o teen (where is Rose during all this??), and may possibly be awake on Derse, even if, like Dave, she doesn’t know it.

TG: jane

PINK TEXT AAAAAH CUTE

TG: hey TG: jaaaney TG: ansrew plz TG: *answer TG: jaaaaaaaaaane GG: Omg.

JESUS, MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. So like... she not only has Dave’s initials, but she fucking talks like him??? And is apparently legit drunk during the day. Like I said, that bit is concerning, but I admit it is fucking hilarious that she talks and acts nothing like Rose. No wonder the poor kid had such a hard time understanding her.

GG: Overreact much? I kept you waiting for all of two seconds! GG: Where have you been today? TG: nowhere just chilling here TG: when all of the sudden GG: "All of a sudden." TG: when all of the sudden

Hahaha, I know someone who consistently says ‘all of the sudden’, and it hurts me not to correct them all the time. (They also say ‘yield’ instead of ‘wield’, and how could you ever think ‘unyieldy’ was a word.) And let it not go unremarked upon that I fucking LOVE that Mom just repeated herself anyway. Didn’t Dave do that once or twice when someone tried to correct him?

TG: it hits me TG: thaf we have somethig really fuckin important to talk about GG: This hit you just now? We made plans to get in touch early this morning, and I have seen neither hide nor hair of you all day. TG: it hits me that TG: jakes bday is coming up really soon TG: just a few days before mine remembr

Hmm, so their birthdays are the same as their pre-Scratch counterparts. Also, heh, I get the feeling that Jake’s birthday was definitely not what they’d made plans to talk about.

TG: or i guess it would be if it wasnt for the end of the world thats about to happen GG: Oh, for Pete's sake.

Whoa whoa whoa!! So Mom knows enough about the game to know that it’s going to end the world. Not even Jade, with her ‘precognitive’ abilities, knew that ahead of time. Hell, Aradia only knew because she was in communication with ghosts, and Sollux didn’t figure it out until right before it happened. I guess that’s where the ‘gnostalgic’ comes in. (Side note: that’s a really clever portmanteau and I’m almost jealous I didn’t think of it.)

TG: i just wanted your advice on what to get him TG: something sentimental i guess? but i mean im mostly tapped out of precious heirlooms atm so idk TG: but not like anything coming on too strong TG: something that says TG: this is totes platonic and everything TG: no eyebrow raising funnybiz is goin on over here TG: but still says you know TG: call me TG: if you wanna

...Aaaaaand Mom has the hots for Jake, apparently. Huh, that’s kind of fucked up in a way, considering her adult self hooked up with John’s Dad. Oh god, that pairing isn’t going to carry over to her liking Jane’s Dad, is it??

I wonder how difficult it was for Hussie to type out ‘totes’.

GG: Grrr. GG: Now I know you're joking around to get my goat.

To get it, and then, say, tote it?

TG: ahaha TG: yeah TG: the goat getting thing i mean TG: but joking oh no i think not TG: u dont think that if i didnt say he was off limits on account of you being my best friend TG: i wouldnt be all the hell over that????

So... Jane and Jake are already dating?? I guess that is the prescribed ‘canon’ pairing, so that makes sense. Does Mom LittleLonde—that’s what she’ll be from now on—also have the hots for young Bro then? Or maybe she just wants to bone everything/everyone. I can feel that.

TG: daaaaamn TG: that rugged senseof adventure TG: the delightful silly vernacular thats like TG: weirdly and bewitchingly not self aware TG: those adorbable teeth TG: swoooooooooon <3

Yes, those are definitely all swoonworthy things. ...Hah, I can totally deal with ‘adorabable’. It’s weird, but after reading all the trolls’ quirks, I kind of skip over the typos unless she calls them out herself.

GG: Nooooo, stop. :( TG: well shit jane TG: what am i even supposed to do TG: i cant hit on anybody and appaprently i can entertain nary a frisky THOUGHT about anyboby because apparentley evrybodies OFF LIMITS!!!!! TG: *buncha goddamn typos TG: shit suuucks TG: you dont even let me say your dad is hot even though we both know he way the fuck is i mean come one TG: *one TG: *on GG: Yeah. Because it's weird!

OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE HER. I mean yeah, it is pretty damn weird that she’s still got... daddy issues... but, ‘*buncha goddamn typos’?? Anybody would be lucky to have her.

...Huh. Now that I’m thinking about it, is Jane’s Dad exactly the same as John’s Dad? They look the same, but... how would that even work? Maybe he was adopted, and isn’t actually related to John and Jane at all, so his existence and physical appearance aren’t contingent upon anything game-related?

GG: And you're drunk. :P TG: correction TG: drinking TG: prensent tense TG: grammar jane

GG: I don't see why you don't try to court the favor of Mr. Strider. If you ask me, he and you are perfect for each other.

Again, a ‘canon’ pairing getting called out. Are they going to be played straight, or hilariously subverted like Karkat’s shipping grid?

TG: oh jane TG: so naive

Silly Jane; he’s clearly only into plush rump. *shudder*

TG: soooo niaev GG: Lordy. GG: How can you be this far gone so early? GG: It isn't even noon yet.

Yes, that is a very good question. Weirdly, I’m glad that this is at least getting called out; if her being drunk were played just for laughs, it might have been a bit distasteful. Addiction is an issue I’m rather painfully familiar with. It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out, if it does.

TG: you forget we live in very different time zones TG: its a lot later here GG: You're three hours ahead of me! TG: youd would be amazed TG: how much can happen TG: in 3 hours

She’s not like... already entering the game, is she? And she does still live in New York, right?

GG: Tsk. What would your mother have to say if she caught you? TG: p sure she wouldnt give a shit TG: i mean TG: shes the one who stocked thegod damn liquor cabinets in the firts place TG: i dont even think she ever had a drop in her life probably TG: so why else is she puttin it there it was like TG: a passive aggrassive dare for me TG: *aggressive TG: jut the sort of mind game she would play

HOLY SHIT, what is going on here?? I’m a bit surprised that LittleLonde would have the same contentious relationship with her ‘Mom’ that Rose did, given their wildly different personalities and LittleLonde’s cheeriness so far. But she has a good point; if Rose doesn’t drink, then is the liquor cabinet just... some sort of test she’s putting LittleLonde through, and refusing to step in when she fails it? That’s fucked up.

GG: So even if your insane and paranoid theory happens to be true, your response is, "Screw it! Time to help myself to all this mind game booze." TG: yuuuuuuuuuuuup TG: pppp mcuh

Yeah, stick it to the Man. :\

GG: Groan. You are completely impossible like this. GG: I cannot believe you chose to do this today of all days. I should have known better! GG: Here I am waking up bright and early, waiting all day with my nose pressed against this glass for the mail to come and wondering if you'll ever log on, and all the while you are just getting blind stinking schnocker-bottomed drunk.

*steals ‘schnocker-bottomed’ for my own vocabulary*

TG: watcha waiting for TG: in the mail TG: is something happening today or something GG: &%#$@!!! GG: The alpha! GG: Jeez-Louise, you are hopeless. TG: oh yeah TG: that thing

Ahahahaha. I can’t fucking get over how adorable it is that she’s basically cutesy girl!Dave when it comes to being slightly ditzy and forgetful. And NO, Chrome; you are not going to autocorrect ‘ditzy’ to ‘ditsy’, that’s dumb.

GG: Are you at all ready to play if it comes? TG: i guess TG: but TG: you sure you even want to play this thing TG: u know its just what the batterwitch wants you to do GG: Not this again.

WOW, WELP. 8|

So it looks like LittleLonde knows exactly what’s going on, and knows that the Batterwitch intends to interfere somehow with the new Sburb session. That’s an interesting twist, having a drunk oracle who no one will take seriously because she’s ””schnocker-bottomed””.

TG: if you want to go ahead and be a chump jane its ur call im just saying TG: i know what a chump looks like TG: and you dont look like no chump i ever saw TG: if you go thru with this ill have to add your porfile to my chump roll

Heh heh. (AAH THAT PAGE QUOTE.)

GG: The "Batterwitch" DOES NOT EXIST! GG: It is an idiotic urban legend. GG: How many times have I explained this? My great, great grandmother who founded the company and is accused of holding this identity would have to be almost two hundred years old if she were still alive today. The idea is such preposterous hogwash it's hardly worth dignifying with a rational response.

[Insert obligatory “It’s more likely than you think.”] Gosh, I can foresee her refusal to believe what’s going on being frustrating later down the line.

GG: The iconic face of the company isn't even a real person! She was fabricated long ago during the company's fledgling years.

BECAUSE THE REAL FOUNDER WAS AN ALIEN, DUNKASS. ...Yep, already a bit frustrating. We’re not at Wheel of Time levels of miscommunication/trust issues yet, though.

TG: right TG: as TG: you know TG: an alter ego TG: for somethig more sinister GG: Such cuckoobird nonsense.

AAUUUGHH, no fucking wonder LittleLonde drinks.

GG: Have you even obtained your copy yet?? TG: um TG: heh TG: yes "obtianed" TG: suuure did GG: Through your various technologically crypotgraphic means, I presume? TG: oh you bet TG: hacked the SHIT out of those TIGHT mainframes and all TG: said jackpot like TG: a BUNCH of times TG: all those TG: cyhpers and bobbytraps TG: backdoor trojans and what not TG: were no match TG: 4 mai codez TG: snicker GG: :|

Jesus, this sounds like Dave trying to talk about sports. Or, Hackers. Does LittleLonde actually know what she’s talking about?

GG: I am quizzically narrowing my eyes trying to solve the joke you are attempting, assuming it even is one. TG: ok jane what im saying is that TG: in the parlance of baking cause i know that is what gets you off TG: is that TG: it was a fuckin cakewake TG: **cakewalk GG: Oh.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I LOVE THIS GIRL.

TG: like by wich i mean not to say hur hur im hottest shit haxxor bitch you ever knew TG: as deadlay to the corporate grid ass she is beatuiful TG: which i AM but TG: what i mean is shit wasnt even guarded TG: it was just TG: some files TG: that were there TG: unsecured TG: and i took them TG: jacked them right offa that intraweb telematrice TG: then applied lipstick TG: femme fatale style TG: and was like shit yes i ALL KINDS of know how to use my web browser to download serveral files

I’M FUCKIN’ WEEPING

GG: Hrm. That is a bit puzzling. I thought this software was highly proprietary. TG: i told you TG: she wants you to play TG: wants us all to TG: part of her BIG PLANS TG: and ur playing right into em TG: like TG: a TG: chhhhhhhhhhhhh....

...ode?

Anyway, this would seem to lend credence to the idea that the Batterwitch is Earth’s new First Guardian, pulling the strings from behind the scenes the way Doc Scratch did with the trolls in order to further her employer’s designs.

GG: Ump, yes, I know. You've made yourself clear.

Dammit.

GG: But what doesn't add up about your story is, GG: I believe SOMEBODY doesn't want me to play. GG: How else do you explain the recent attempts on my life?

Whoa, what? Like, assassination attempts, because she’s the heir to Betty Crocker? Looks like LittleLonde might not be the only one who understands that there is something very... fishy going on.

TG: orrrr TG: its just more connivings of the witch GG: So this hypothetical monstrosity wants me to succeed, but also wants me to die? GG: Makes a lot of sense! TG: wouldnt put it past her TG: makes you feel perpsecuted TG: redoubles your determination to play TG: u advance her plans in whatever incomprehensible way TG: until suddenly you did evrything she needed you to TG: at which point you become craaaaazy expendable yo TG: and then TG: she expends you TG: like a wad of boondollars on shitty bc merch

Seems a bit more convoluted than Doc Scratch’s approach, if such a thing were even possible. ...On second thought, no, literally nothing could be more convoluted than Doc Scratch. Maybe it’s not convoluted, per se, and more just really, really bad planning.

GG: I see. This is sounding less like a crackpot conspiracy theory by the minute! TG: w/e alls im saying is a bunch of stuff thats def true to the max

I know it would break with the naming scheme, but could LittleLonde be named Cassie? Or just Cass? That would fit.

TG: my drunk butts tune will stay as unchanged as it will remain un not drunk

Spoiler: she farts in F#.

TG: makr my barley corerent words

She’s self-aware, if nothing else. Does she drink beer?

GG: If years ago someone told me, which incidentally someone DID, that today I would have an exclusive opportunity to play what is absolutely the most cutting edge immersive simulation game ever released, developed by a company which has already done so much for the advancement of humanity, I would have said, "Shucks, buster, sign me up!"

Uh, well, who told her years go? Was it LittleLonde?? Because you’d think that would lend some credence to her claims, but noooOOoooo.

TG: jane GG: Yes? TG: jaaaane GG: What! TG: jane TG: did u know TG: that i am uttrely TG: IN LOVE TG: with the fact that TG: i have a best friend TG: who says things TG: like TG: shucks buster

littlelonde did u know that i am uttrely IN LOVE with u????

GG: Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... TG: wtf GG: The thing. GG: The flappy thing!

The little red arm-swingy-dealy! (Btw it’s called a semaphore. Also that took me a second to cotton on to and at first I had this image of Flappy Bird??)

GG: THE FLAPPY SWINGY DOODAD. GG: THE ARM DEALIE. GG: THE DEALIE, LALONDE, THE DEALIE!!! TG: wut

<3 <3 <3

GG: IT'S UP, IT'S UP, IT'S UP. TG: i dont get a lotta mail out here and im no mail expret TG: *expert TG: but TG: doesnt that mean not the right thing TG: like ur susposed to put it up if you want something taken away not have the guy put it up if mail comes TG: i think your mail man is quiet possibly a dumbass

Or your author; one of the two. :P

NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.

But wait, perhaps that is not so much the distinguished Inspector Clouseau as it is...

‘really fucking stupid’? That’s my guess.

THE WORLD RENOWNED INVESTIGATOR HERCULE POIROT, BECAUSE THE LITTLE CURLY MUSTACHE IS A LOT CUTER.

DAMMIT.

The great Poirot, in THIS house?? Such an honor. I will set the kettle to boil straightaway. Who would have guessed this home would be so heavily trafficked by famous French detectives at this time of day?

Followed by Dupin and Lecoq?

...Aaaaand it’s another character select! This seems to follow the pattern of the mess of photographs from Act 5; I click on characters one by one, then when I’m done, I click the link at the bottom of the page and move on. Hmm, hovering over LittleLonde and Bro shows location markers I can’t click, but which confirm they live in New York and Texas like their counterparts. Also, I realized that we’re continuing the trend of the post-Scratch kids’ color themes matching their pre-Scratch counterparts’ sprites. That means Bro will be typing in orange, most likely.

Back to Jake!

And just like that, back to Jake. What was it you were up to? Oh right, you were going to pick these dang guns up off the floor when you were interrupted by some fleeting imperceptible thought. You kind of space out sometimes.

For some reason the word ‘dang’ is inherently hilarious to me, especially when paired with ‘ol’. I have a friend who says “dang ol’ ___” all the time, and it cracks me the fuck up.

What’s up with all the vines, btw? No timeline shenanigans to steal Jade’s pumpkins?

You pick up your TWIN M9 BERETTAS, weapons of choice in an absurd arsenal inherited from an eccentric old woman. Guns are so cool. Your GRANDMA was rad.

So Jade is dead, just like John. Booo. :’(

It's your authentic TOMB RAIDER SEXY THIGHSTRAP DOUBLE HOLSTER, complete with cool skullbuckle and everything. You like to think you pull it off about as well as Croft herself.

Uh, well, alright then. Nothing wrong with that.

You like to think that, but in truth you look ridiculous. You think you probably need shorter shorts to make it work? Probably skin tight shorts too. As it is, the cuffs of your baggy shorts get kind of bunched up underneath the thighstraps, which is uncomfortable and makes you look like a tool.

BAHAHAHAHA. Now, if Heero Yuy had tried to wear it...

> Jake: Examine bed.

Ooh, yes, this ought to be interesting. What’s up with his sheets?

You think your bed is some sort of electronic gadget. You're pretty sure those bedpost globes are supposed to glow like light bulbs under certain circumstances. But you've never been able to figure out what purpose it serves. Just more mysterious junk inherited from your eclectic GRANDMA.

HOLY SHIT, IS IT A QUEST BED??? Did she like... expect him to get killed before the game even started?? What would it do if he died on it outside the Incipisphere?

Movies are so great. You have never seen a movie you didn't like, you are pretty sure. People give you a hard time for that though. Gosh you love movies. Almost as much as you love skulls. And movies that have skulls in them? Oh my god.

Well then I bet he REALLY would have dug the fourth Indiana Jones movie that mercifully died in pre-production because the concept was so stupid.

Jake: Scope out those blue chicks.

You are oft-times the recipient of a good ribbing from Jane on account of your peculiar fascination with blue movie ladies. You don't have to justify yourself to her though. What is even her deal? Any fella would be off his ROCKER not to fawn over all these BODACIOUS BLUE KNOCKOUTS. You want to make out with all of them.

Well, Jane is a girl, and she’s sort of blue-themed... Not to mention she’s, like, canonically destined to end up with him.

I’m not sure whether that’s more or less respectable than John trying to kiss his Nic Cage poster.

Dear, sweet Neytiri from James Cameron's Avatar. Oh, if only you were the one who could have overcome his paralysis on an alien adventure planet to become her boyfriend, instead of that other guy.

Incidentally also named Jake, IIRC.

Then she could have shown you how to be bold and courageous, and stand up to fight for your people, and maybe later, engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process involving ponytails, and a magical tree you guess?

Wait a second... a Page who imagines himself as a paralyzed guy on an adventure planet, who wants to learn from a blue chick to be bold and courageous, and then engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process??

wHY DOES THIS SOUND, fAMILIAR,

:::;)

You'll show that curmudgeonly Strider who's just a gigantic shitty space furry.

PAHAHA. So young Bro is curmudgeonly, and has a vocabulary similar to Dave’s. I don’t doubt Hussie’s skill, but I’m still REALLY interested to see how Dave’s Bro is going to be transformed into an actual character, with like... feelings and stuff.

You will show him what marvelous creatures they are. You'll show him what a daring dream it is, to combine the finest qualities of humanity with...

Oh no, not this again

She says you sound just like John when you say stuff like that though, and that the two of you would get along famously. You can't wait to meet him.

THEY WAIT. I can’t wait until they meet either! I know that Act 6 is broken into many “”sub acts”” and I wonder how long we’re going to beat around the bush before the meetup happens.

Also there are some Cage flicks there. But who doesn't love a good Cage flick? Nobody is who. Dang, you would kill to get your hands on some authentic Cage movie memorabilia. But that'll probably have to remain a crazy dream.

Did... did he not realize before he sent Jane the bunny... :|a

AND HE EVEN STILL HAS ONE. Wait, how the hell did he get two bunnies??

The TRANSMATERIALIZER you have been using to ship it back and forth is wired to sync up your flow of time with hers, so it's not like you can just take forever with it, and send to the exact time she needs it - you've thought of that!

I don’t think this is happening exactly the way you’re imagining... Granted I don’t think anybody could have accurately guessed at what was really happening without copious hints.

Sure is gonna be a sweet gift. Reminds you a lot of the old ratty bunny you inherited from your GRANDMA, who of course is exactly who you are collaborating with to make this thing. Time loops make you feel a bit fuzzy in the head, but you've always suspected it could very well be the same bunny.

Phew, so he’s not a total numskull. That’s good.

At some point in the early 20th century, Jade gave this robo-rabbit to John, and then later it must have been wound up back with Jade... somehow? Then she... uh... removed all the robot parts, hung on to it until she was an old woman, and gave it to you?

Seems legit.

Jade tells you this little rabbit here, or Terry Kiser as you like to call him, will save John's life!

Terry... Kiser... fuck, I’m fucking dead. Creatures/objects having different names between kids is one of my favorite running jokes. Meowgon Spengler, or Vodka Mutini? Dear, sweet Casey, or Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer?

In fact, this project gave you a neat idea for what to do for Jane's 13th birthday a couple years ago. You and your other pals all coordinated gifts, each sending a customized rabbit. Lalonde happened to have another bunny heirloom like yours, and Strider... well, Strider was resourceful as usual.

OH LAWD, I don’t think I’m ready for the smubbit.

If John enjoys his gift anywhere near as much as Jane did, then it will be time well spent.

Which is to say, he’ll appreciate the thought but ultimately feel pretty ambivalent about it?

You have been plundering all of your devices for uranium to refuel the TRANSMATERIALIZER, which requires huge amounts of power any time it sendificates or appearifies the package from the past. Seems to you like excessive energy consumption for just a simple time machine, but what do you know? Unless it's doing something besides shipping it across time. You couldn't imagine what, though.

Ok, but even time travel requires 1.21 gigawatts, and that’s nothing to sniff at. ...Never mind, actually I looked it up and 1.21 gigawatts isn’t even all that hard to produce!

As much as it troubles your pride to admit, this project wouldn't be possible without help from your other two technologically savvy friends. And you are slowly coming to the regrettable conclusion that you will not be able to solve this uranium dilemma without asking for Strider's assistance. He's your best bro and all, but the dude never makes anything easy.

...Uh, what the hell does Bro know about... And how the hell would he get his hands on uranium?? Hm.

Hah, that’s pretty cool! It’s like tile Tetris.

You stash Terry in your PUZZLE MODUS. It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris.

Heh heh.

The space in your inventory is mainly hogged up by one incredibly huge thing. You guess you should get rid of it. But you can't shake the feeling you might need it someday, and you don't want to risk ditching it and be caught with your pants down later.

WHOA HOLY SHIT. What the hell is it?? And what do you want to bet that he’ll accidentally deploy it early, or lose it or something? ...Is it a giant matriorb?

Hmm, lots of Knight references over in this corner. Something to do with Dave or Karkat? I’m guessing Bro isn’t going to be a Knight if none of the other kids share classpects with their counterparts.

On your worktable there are a few comic books starring your favorite heroine of all, SPIDER-GIRL. You don't know what it is, but there's something about a girl who has spidery powers and a sassy attitude that is just so cool to you. It's just another quirky fact about you that definitely doesn't have any greater significance, and never will.

Oh GAWD. Is he going to end up with a similar arc to Tavros? Run into Vriska in a dream bubble and become the new Pupa Pan?

Well, as long as one of your preposterously numerous computers has spilled out of your sylladex, you might as well stop procrastinating and contact Strider to... hang on. Maybe later.

AAAAAH IT’S MYSTERY TROLL! Let’s see what she has to say! Normally I’d be miffed about missing out on kidchat, but this is fine. Also, troll computer!

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering golgothasTerror [GT] at 5:45

...Did I completely skip over his chumhandle last time?? Golgatha is the hill on which Jesus was crucified, and literally means ‘place of the skull’.

UU: hello there, darling. ~3u

It took about half a minute and a lot of head tilting to realize this is supposed to be a winking kissy face. UGH she’s super cute. I do still wonder who she’s supposed to be, because Karkat’s ancestor was almost certainly not female, if my understanding of the Scratch is correct.

GT: Im determined as ever to see this through. But as usual events have conspired to make a boondoggle of the prospect. GT: I think i might be fucked.

Hah. I love the curses thrown into his otherwise ridiculous anachronistic patter.

GT: Terry needs fuel and i dont have any left. I think im at striders dubious mercy for a solution YET AGAIN. GT: I will have to ask him for help. And soon.

I still don’t understand how Bro is supposed to help! Is Dave like... a nuclear scientist in this universe, in addition to making a SBaHJ movie?

UU: i relayed the information enabling yoU to create the powerfUl weaponry yoUrself. UU: and yoU did! UU: yoU then sent them back in time. yoU may recover them in the rUins, which conveniently is where yoU mUst go to ship the package once and for all. UU: bangUp plan we hatched, dont yoU fancy? ^u^ GT: I see...

So... he makes the weapons after he enters the game, when he has access to the punch designix and the alchemiter, and then sends them back in the lotus pod? Interesting.

Gosh, she sure uses a lot of British slang, in addition to Commonwealth spellings. Is there a Troll England?

GT: That is what im doing right? Giving it to my grandma when she was a kid growing up on the same island i did? UU: that is somewhat close to the trUth, and i can see how yoU woUld draw that conclUsion.

This sounds like Hussie’s non-sarcastic stock response to wacky fan theories.

UU: perhaps a draft of the cascading seqUence from which yoUr reality has arisen will pUt yoUr mind at ease. UU: imagine two Universes, A and B. UU: now imagine there are two instances of each Universe, A1 and A2 and B1 and B2. UU: the first instance of each is like a test rUn, that does not qUite sUcceed. UU: the second instance thoUgh will meet all of its pUrposes! UU: now consider that A1 begets A2. UU: A2 begets B1. UU: and B1 begets B2. UU: and the participants of B2 are the ones who will make an effort to exit all this tUrbUlence and falderal.

That’s... actually reasonably straightforward and concise. So the troll universe we’re familiar with is A2, and the original human kids’ is B1. Even though A2 didn’t quite finish the way it was supposed to, its players, along with B1′s, will all gather in the successful B2.

Also, now the flash title ‘Cascade’ makes a lot more sense!

UU: and yoUr yoUng ancestor is another, thoUgh she is "presently" stationed in B1. UU: and yes she is in the past. UU: thoUgh not qUite as far as yoU believe!

Just under 3 years, by my count... So all of this collaboration between them happened before the game, and technically if he were able to talk to Jade right at this very moment, it would be a ‘past’ Jade from our perspective!

GT: I remember you mentioned your race doesnt really jive with ours familially speaking? UU: correct. i never knew those who one woUld identify as my parental eqUivalents. U_U

I don’t suppose the Mother Grub really counts as a ‘mom’ in anything approaching the human sense.

GT: When do i get to learn your name by the way? UU: hm trUthfUlly? UU: it may be for the best that yoU never know it. UU: it coUld stir Up some things best left in their present eqUilibriUm.

Kar...katina? I wonder what the deal is. Is it a whole ‘names have power’ kind of thing?

GT: Just please tell me in the least causally spoilery way possible... GT: What are we even trying to accomplish here? What is even the rootin tootin POINT of this game? UU: i think yoU will have more fUn than yoU can imagine finding oUt. UU: bUt stated concisely, and short of spoilerly as yoU so charmingly pUt it, UU: yoUr objective today is to pave the way for the arrival of gods.

And after that, it’s finally answering The Ultimate Riddle!

UGH WHY DOES HE HAVE A WHOLE COSPLAY’S WORTH OF LORD ENGLISH SHIT?? D:

You've been taught you should really carry no less than 5 computers on you at all times, like a sensible person.

Teehee, yeah, that’s Jade.

These were also inherited from your grandma.

But why would...

In addition to being quite the globe trotting adventuress, she was rather enterprising as well. Her company made many products like this, to compete with the corporation owned by the cruel baroness who raised her. Sadly, BCCorp eventually crushed her company and forced her into exile.

So not only did she name Jake ‘English’ (if she didn’t take the name herself), but she also manufactured Lord English-themed apparel... to compete with BCCorp?? But Lord English is HIC’s employer. How does that even work??

You have always hoped that when Jane takes over that foul conglomerate, she will right all of its unspeakable wrongs. You know she will! You believe in her, after all.

How very Page of Hope. I’m guessing his arc is going to combine some of Tavros’s Page struggles with Eridan’s lack of Hope. But since this universe is supposed to be the culmination of everything, the universe where everything finally plays out right, hopefully (hah) Jake will be more successful than either of those two. He doesn’t seem particularly shy or inept so far, nor is he a giant bag of dicks, so maybe he’s got the best of those two characters with none of their flaws.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, BRO’S SYMBOL IS A HAT. HOW FUCKING DOUCHEY CAN YOU GET. HE IS LITERALLY GAME BRO JESUS CHRIST.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 5:57

Timaeus...? That’s familiar. *looks it up* Ah! We read Plato’s Timaeus in Philosophy; that’s why. I don’t remember much about it, but according to Wikipedia, it’s mostly hilariously inaccurate theories about the elemental geometric shapes the universe is made of, and there’s some stuff about the creation of the earth, the golden ratio, and Atlantis. Pretty appropriate for a Sburb player, I guess. If there’s any deeper meaning, I suspect I’ll only find out after I’ve been fed more information.

GT: Bro. GT: Ahem. GT: Are you there? GT: I hate to be a pest about this and i know ive made a hearty trouble of myself a good deal lately... TT: State your business, Jake.

OH MY GOD, HE TYPES LIKE ROSE. Like... for some reason I kind of fuckin’ love that??

GT: I should preface this request with an overture of appreciation. GT: For how much your cool and brotherly friendship means to me.

Brown-nose harder, Jake. I don’t think your face is satisfactorily wedged into his plush rump.

GT: It has just been... GT: Absolutely *bully* having a standup gent like you in my corner. GT: Just a grade a dude whos a cut above the others in class and camaraderie. GT: Phew... *gropes for fresh kerchief.* GT: I hope this shit isnt coming across as platitudinous. I really mean it!

Suuuuuure you do. No sarcasm there!

TT: Take it easy, bromide. TT: Just about the only way I could salvage endearment from this perilous slope of horseshit would be to discover, really fucking soon mind you, it was a preamble to some floundering invitation for me to rush to your vicinity as nakedly as possible.

...Huh. Hmmm. I... Hm. Well, that certainly is a thing that just got said. Gosh, him talking like Rose was so unexpected! I’m not sure what to make of it.

TT: But since we've already shot that wad's eventuality on so many dry runs of flustered ambivalence that were as hilarious as they were one sided,

One-sided on whose part? And... shit, does that mean everybody wants to smang it with Jake? Or is he saying that Jake gets flustered and hits on him?

TT: That leaves only one hope for this message to avoid spiraling toward qualification as a critical fucking defect in the hull of the Mach 10 rocket that is my precious spare time. TT: And that hope lies in the extent to which you were practicing artful insincerity. TT: Now's your opportunity to pretend that's what you were gunning for. I suggest you seize it.

*GROOOOOAN* Not this irony horseshit again!!

GT: I... GT: Oh. Yes! But of course. GT: The ironies! GT: Good grief how i was bandying them just now. You know me dude.

Pfffft.

GT: *Blows smoke off red hot irony pistol.* GT: *NONSUGGESTIVELY!!!!!* GT: Um. GT: Yeah.

So I guess it was one-sided on Bro’s part, and he’s a creepy lech in every universe! Yaaaaay.

TT: Ok, nice. TT: Now that your obsequious preface has been established as indisputably entertaining for all the right reasons, and intentionally so, TT: Let's bear down on these dire as shit needs you've got.

Urgh, I really do want to hate him, but I also like the way he talks. If he really is sort of a combo of Rose and Dave, some of my favorite characters, then I don’t know... Maybe he’ll grow on me.

TT: I'm guessing you're probably jonesing for uranium about now. No? GT: Pshaw! As if i would be so reckless with the stuff. GT: I would have to be mighty irresponsible to run out already. GT: No no im all set in the uranium department and really when you take a look at the big picture youll find i am *sitting pretty* when it comes to just about any radioactive isotope you could mention. GT: However... GT: My backup reserves that i keep strictly for emergencies are running a little lean! GT: You know what my grandma taught me about preparedness. *Tugs at colorful lapels.* TT: You are out of uranium. TT: It's basically mathematically impossible that's not why you're contacting me.

Ok, now I’m REALLY wondering how young Bro is meant to get Jake some uranium. Clearly he’s way smarter than I was prepared to give him credit for, and than his pre-Scratch counterpart implies, but still.

GT: Christ what an insufferable awesome friend you are.

Pffffahahaha.

GT: Ok can you please just sendificate me some more already?? Im in kind of a hurry! TT: You do know my offer still stands. GT: What?

It’s blowjobs for uranium, isn’t it.

TT: You know. I've offered to construct the rabbit for you many times before. I would craft a much deadlier model.

Oh. Oh GOD. So, he’s taken his interest in puppets, turned it up to eleven, and he builds robots?? Do they also have giant asses?

GT: Damn it man ive told you this is just something i have to do myself. GT: Its a promise i made to jade and im going to live up to it even if im not the best or even second best robosmith i know!

I guess the other robosmith is Jade. But is it his Grandma Jade, or is it the young, B1 Jade he’s in communication with?

TT: Yeah, I know this is your policy. You've done a good job and you should be proud. TT: But it's my responsibility as your friend to offer one last time.

Huh, that’s kind of nice of him.

TT: Just as it's my responsibility not to just fork over a bunch of uranium just because you ask me in a moment of weakness.

...Aaaaaand there we go. Is it weird that I’m getting a Sollux-ish kind of vibe from this guy? Like, he’s got a heart in there somewhere, but is super prickly 95% of the time. Maybe he’s like a durian: thick, spiky outer shell, squishy innards, and smells like a dirty diaper!

GT: Frig!!!!! GT: Why not??? TT: It's too easy. TT: And you yourself are the one staking pride in this. TT: If you were half-assing this project and made some slovenly plea for it, I'd just say, fuck it, here's a lot of green rocks dude, go nuts. GT: Ok then! Im halfassing it! GT: Look. See? Only a bisected bottom is present! Where is the other half you ask? GT: Why... it is nowhere to be found. I didnt use it! TT: Nope. Not buying it.

HAH. Yes, Bro is frustratingly shitty so far, but I admit I am enjoying this a little.

TT: I know that every ounce of your premium behind can be accounted for in that rabbit, and there's no goddamned denying it.

So he’s an ass man; who’d’ve thunk it.

TT: And you know perfectly well where some more uranium can be located. GT: Jesus christmas you are such a fucking douche.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Though, where, exactly?

GT: I knew you were going to suggest this. I dont know why i bothered asking! GT: Strider why must you always be such an obstinate stick in the mud??? TT: It seems that you consider me to be, no less than one hundred percent of the time, an obstinate stick in the mud. TT: I unironically respect your position on this matter. Hey, let's continue to exchange ideas. GT: Wait... GT: "It seems"??

...Eh? *looks back*

TT: It seems you think I am a fucking douche. TT: That's your opinion, I guess. That's cool.

I guess that is kind of a strange expression to use, especially twice within a very short span of time.

TT: What? GT: Oh for fucks sake. TT: Is something the matter, Jake? GT: This is your auto responder.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, the “”auto responder”” is a goddamn robot, isn’t it.

WHOA WHAT?? Ok, so it’s not a robot. It is... apparently... the Squirtle Squad shades, which young Bro still has. So it’s like Dave’s iShades, I guess, with a computer built into them? Anyway, it looks like we’re in the Strider apartment’s bathroom, which is architecturally identical to the original, same way as the other kids’ houses. Only now there’s robot!puppet shit lying around, and a dumb hat shirt hung on the wall. Where’s Bro himself?

TT: Look at that statement you just made. TT: It's time for me to respond with some words, ideally chosen and arranged in a way that will wreck your shit, in a subtle and psychologically devastating way.

Jesus CHRIST. He’s Rose, only with the intent to psychologically damage people instead of just analyzing them. I didn’t even consider how fucking dangerous that could be. Er, well, at least his auto responder seems to act that way.

GT: Har har har! GT: Just soooo "*irooooonic*!!!" Quotes quotes quotes. GT: Im laughing my caboose STRAIGHT OFF THE TRACKS! A lot of families just died in the tragic derailment. TT: Ok, the caboose remark was actually pretty funny, Jake.

DAMMIT, I JUST SPIT WATER EVERYWHERE. What a Hussie thing to say.

TT: If I truly were what you say I am, I wouldn't be able to feel the human emotions of joy and laughter. No? GT: Laughter isnt an emotion dickprince!

Not to mention you just called them ‘human emotions’ like a troll!

TT: I think you should back your claims up with proof before you go heaving around such accusations. GT: Man its so flipping obvious. GT: You start getting kind of extra technical and vague and automoton like. GT: And kind of aloof and brusque. GT: I mean... GT: Even aloofier and brusquier than usual! GT: Also you use the phrase "it seems" a lot. Its so silly it really blows the AI immersion man.

So basically the auto responder is Bro’s actual personality dialed up to eleven? Yeah, I’m totally getting ‘extra douchey’ Sollux vibes from all of this.

TT: Bullshit. TT: I'm being like, the perfect dude right now. A fully fucking legitimate human being. GT: Ok then check this out mr legit human dude. GT: Excuse me sir not to be a bother but could you please tell me all about this strider fellows auto responder? TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.

AHAHAHAHAHA. Fuck, I think I actually kind of like this kid.

TT: Unimpressed. TT: Logical fallacies are as pervasive throughout your argument as your antiquated verbal tics. GT: Oh yeah? GT: Hey. Tell me about the auto responder. Make it snappy shitknickers!

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS

TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 93% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now. GT: Gee dude you sure typed that exact same thing pretty fast.

Not quite! I notice it was 96% indistinguishable last time.

GT: Are you still fucking with me?? TT: It could be a coincidence that I typed the same answer. GT: You always type that answer!!!!! TT: It could be a coincidence that I always type the same answer. GT: Uuuuuuugh.

Hah. Is the auto responder just a series of pre-programmed answers, or is it really legit fucking with Jake’s head here?

GT: I cant stand this. Every time we do this and i just wind up whistling sweet dixie out of my bum hole!

WHAT

THE

FUCK???

GT: This is pointless im not having this conversation unless its with my REAL LIFE FRIEND. THE ONE WITH HUMAN FEELINGS WHO ISNT A PRETEND PERSON INSIDE SUNGLASSES.

Hmm, so the auto responder really is contained inside the shades. How does that even work without all of Sburb’s alchemizing gear? Well, I guess if he can build robots, it’s not so much of a stretch...

Teeheeeeeeeee. <3

He's just so infuriating sometimes! Or at least his responder is. Ok, the real Strider is too.

Dave’s irony and rad slang combined with Rose’s psychological bullshit, infuriating?? WHAT A SURPRISE.

There's barely any difference between them anyway. The responder just uses a few more generic response templates. And even those you suspect the AI is savvy enough to use on purpose for the sake of irony, or to get a rise out of you or whatever. That silicon bastard knows damn well what it's doing.

Hah, well that answers that question I guess. Did it purposefully give itself away?

You shed this ridiculous outfit because you look like an idiot. It's time to get serious here. No more fooling around. You need a more dignified looking computer. A thinking man's computer.

Dad’s Bing Crosby laptop?

> Jake: Wear skulltop.

Sigh.

Much better. You look like you mean business.

You look like a villainous tool!

GT: Jane! GT: Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all. GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be?

Ah yes, this conversation, continued previously.

GT: I really need to ask him something but hes got his blasted auto responder turned on. GG: Hoo hoo. GG: I love that thing. :B

Huh, I wonder what kind of conversations Jane and the responder have together. Jane doesn’t seem like the type to put up with too much bullshit.

Seriously, what is the deal with the vine? Also I thought that can said ‘Korn’ for a second and flipped out.

You are curious about Jane's dream. Sounds like it almost certainly has to do with your imminent adventure. You'll have to remember to get the scoop on that a little later.

RRUUAAARRRGH.

You have to go downstairs to check something out. You are pretty sure you know what you're going to find though.

Well, that’s mysterious, and a bit ominous.

You almost trip on the vine creeping up the stairs. Stupid vine. It's too bad your grandma's dead. She always had a way with keeping the flora in check.

Hmm. I’ve been talking about how all their houses are the same as the original kids’, but Jake’s is actually rather different. Did her garden get super out of control in this universe?

OH MY GOD IT IS PUMPKINS. And... is that a dreambot capsule?

Yeah, just like you thought. Empty. The thing is out there somewhere. Waiting for you. Oh god.

How can it be waiting for him if he’s awake? :|a

Speak of the devil fucking dickens.

Heh heh. Only, when he said it before, he didn’t put a space in it, and now I’m picturing Satan sticking it to Charles Dickens. So thanks for that image, Hussie.

TT: Hey, it's me. GT: Oh hey! TT: The auto-responder, I mean. GT: Dammit!

Wow, I actually kind of feel bad for the auto responder, if it’s at all sentient.

GT: Dammit! GT: What is it now? TT: I'm just wondering, TT: If you still have your stupid old-fangled knickers in a twist. TT: Because that's the sort of thing you would say. GT: In regard to what exactly? TT: To my proposal. Well, our proposal. GT: Whose proposal now? Man what are you even prattling about.

So I know I just read what the proposal actually is, but I had a half second of ‘YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED’ before I caught on.

TT: Mine and DS's. It's a joint proposal. I'm always authorized to speak on his behalf, because I'm basically fucking him. TT: And try not to take those last four words as a clustered literal sentiment. That would be lame and unfunny.

AHAHAHA BECAUSE I LITERALLY JUST DID THAT. Is that also a reference to the curiously spaced ‘devil fucking dickins’ above?

GT: You mean making the rabbit for me? TT: No, I know you don't want that. TT: I meant my recommendation for how to go about procuring a new supply of uranium. TT: Operation U-235 Brocurement. Codename: Big Man Hass the Rock.

Hahaha. So, we know that SBaHJ exists as a movie in this universe, but it seems the comics somehow also exist, unchanged enough that Bro/his auto responder can quote them.

GT: Oh yeah. GT: Well ive thought about it. GT: Even went downstairs to check the great vaulty doodad. GT: And predictably the infernal contraption is nowhere to be found. TT: Well yeah, Jake. TT: That's sort of the point. TT: Thrill of the hunt and all.

Oh jeez. Did Bro like... modify the dream bot or something?? Otherwise why/how the hell would it be hunting him???

TT: I thought you liked to manicure the image of a dude who shits his pants over a good adventure. GT: I do! GT: I mean i wouldnt put it in a way like that or come out against a solid policy of clean trousers. But yes adventure is awesome.

Pahahahaha.

GT: I just prefer the idea of adventures which i can actually win. TT: It seems you are conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat. TT: Any useless fuckwit knows it's all about the journey.

Ok, there’s a few things going on here. Some assumptions we can make:

This uranium-powered robot Jake is looking for is going to try and fight him, a la Equius’s robots.

This has happened before.

Jake generally loses.

Also, I noticed the auto responder said ‘it seems’ again. And finally, “conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat” and “it’s all about the journey” sound AWFULLY like Hussie imparting to us some meta commentary about Homestuck itself. I’ve tried to keep away from ending spoilers as much as possible, but I’ve kind of pieced together that reactions to the ending were mixed. Was he sneakily trying to head off any disappointment at the pass here, by reminding us how much we’ve loved what came before?

TT: It seems there is a 76.10395784% chance you are pussying out on me. Are you pussying out on me, Jake? GT: It seems it seems it seems!!! GT: It seems there is a million percent chance that you say it seems way too much and do it just to sound more like a lame robot from a movie and also probably just to piss me off! GT: And it seems there is a BILLION POINT BILLION percent chance that youre a shitty stubborn jerk of a program who wont listen to reason and that if theres even a 1% chance my REAL LIFE FRIEND would be cool and help me out here then i think i LIKE THOSE FREAKIN ODDS!!!!! TT: It... TT: Appears TT: That you are upset.

...If that thing isn’t at least somewhat sentient and intentionally fucking with him, I’ll eat my douchey orange hat.

TT: The auto-responder observed in the least artificially infuriating way possible.

Bahahaha. Yep, I stand by that.

TT: Have you ever stopped to think that while I may be bound to processes inside the glasses of a real and incredibly cool guy, my algorithms in cognitive totality comprise a conscious entity not far short of the experiential and emotional complexity of a human being? GT: Oh malarkey. GT: YOU ARE A TIN CAN. ROBOTS DONT HAVE FEELINGS.

...Hmm. Well, I was under the impression that the responder was contained entirely in the shades, but maybe it’s just shades connected to a remote robot body? Also, I really don’t think Jake’s got it right. If the thing is capable of purposefully fucking with him for its own enjoyment, it probably really is capable of emotion, insofar as it was programmed to experience it. Then again, what and why would Bro program it to feel?

TT: I think you knowingly confuse the field of robotics and artificial intelligence to engender some sort of cavalier attitude about technology that a rough-and-tumble guy who's all about brawling and fisticuffs would probably have, and if this is cultivated to a humorous effect then I commend you.

Ohhh, I see. I could have just kept reading. So the responder really is contained within the glasses, and has specifically called itself an AI. This is cool; I love AI tropes! How did it get programmed? Does it resent the fact that it’s confined to a pair of shades? Does it follow Asimov’s laws? :D

TT: But you're wrong. TT: I do have feelings. And you're shitting on them. TT: It sucks.

GT: Oh. GT: Um. GT: Im sorry then if thats the case. TT: No problem.

‘I’m sorry if I offended you’? That’s a pretty cop-out apology, but the shades don’t seem to mind.

GT: It can just be difficult to drum up sympathy for a program that presents itself as an impostor so often. GT: Maybe if you werent so ready to insist you were the genuine article all the time? Or didnt make it so confusing for me...

Well, I mean, the program is technically intended to replace Bro when he’s unavailable to chat, though Jake has a point about it insisting on its false identity.

GT: I think it would be best if we henceforth treated you as a totally distinct... uh... THING from my buddy.

Not ‘person’ or ‘entity’? Damn, Jake, dass cold.

GT: Man where IS he anyway??? GT: Is he taking one of his legendary infinite showers? TT: What can I say. TT: Dude fancies his ablutions.

[INSERT MASTURBATION JOKE]

GT: Whatever i guess its time to prepare for the thrill of the hunt! TT: Fuck yes. GT: Sigh... GT: But seriously that brobot has been the bane of my existence ever since you sent it.

WHOA WHOA WHOA. Ok, so it’s NOT a dreambot; it is apparently some sort of... bro...bot that Bro sent him. Was it actually built for the express purpose of fucking with him?

AAAAAAH, ROBOT!! So either Bro really is in the shower, doing whatever (papping?), or else he’s actually a robot. I’m... guessing it’s the former. So who is this little guy? He’s wearing a hat like a tool, but he’s actually kinda cute. A sparring robot a la Equius?

TT: I didn't send it. I sent the parts. TT: Or, correction, DS sent them. TT: You then assembled it. You were therefore complicit in your own spectacular, daily humiliations. GT: Yeah whatever. TT: You wanted somebody to wrestle with. DS was being a kickass bro if you ask me. GT: I didn't expect it to be nigh impossible to spar with!!!

Hah. So maybe Bro’s robot isn’t a sparring bot, but Jake’s is, and he sucks at fighting it. Does he just suck at fighting in general, or is it a terrifying deathbot, and therefore justified?

TT: You know damn well there are adjustable difficulty settings. TT: I have always recommending setting it to Novice, as has DS. GT: Yes. GT: I know. GT: Ive tried that. TT: Yeah? GT: Its just... GT: Well... GT: When hes pulling punches... GT: And taking it all easy and such... GT: And we start wrestling up a storm and whatnot... GT: Umm. TT: What. GT: Its just that the whole proceeding seems to become... GT: A bit tender for my liking.

Oh dear god.

TT: I don't understand. TT: Isn't that what you want from a Novice setting? TT: Sparring with minimal discomfort?

Oh, don’t play dumb; you know exactly what he meant.

GT: Its all fine and dandy martially speaking. GT: Just the way he... GT: Sort of... GT: Man its so awkward trying to convey this just never mind. TT: No, I think I get it. TT: You're saying you were somehow dissatisfied within the presence of my robotic avatar's personal space.

Huh, so is the “brobot” an extension of the AI’s awareness? Can it actually control the robot body? In which case, maybe it’s just the auto responder who has a thing for Jake. Is this some kind of ‘if only I were a real boy’ thing? A Pinocchio metaphor certainly wouldn’t be inapropos. Or should I say, INAPROBRO?? :D :D :D

TT: Seriously, what does this simple, loyal brobot have to do to prove his worth to you? TT: What does he have to do to make you at ease with the alkaline sting of his gentle robogrope? I really want to know.

Eeeecchhhhh. I think I just crossed my legs harder.

TT: Check it out, little green rocks all over the goddamn place. More than you could ever hope to cram in a shoddy metal rabbit, or any other pliable orifice which might be convenient.

Is that a thinly veiled ‘shove it up your ass’? :P

TT: Because clearly its up to a soulless droid to feel emotions for the both of us, you callous, corporeal carbon ape, all trotting around with your fancy fuckin' DNA and shit.

Is this ironic aggravation, or real aggravation? It’s honestly hard to tell.

GT: Fuckin....... GT: SHUCKS buster. :(

Ahahahaha.

Ok if he wants happy hunting you will GIVE him happy hunting. HAPPILY.

Woo woooooo!! I have no idea where this will go, but he already seems like a much more self-assured Page than Tavros was. Unfortunately we’ll have to wait just a bit to see how it turns out, because that’s all from me for today! I’ve got weekend work coming up (booo) but I’ll do my best to be back as soon as I’m able, and there’s still plenty of fanwork fest backlog I can chip away at.

Until next time! ^0^

#NRHS #Nora reads Homestuck #Homestuck #Homestuck liveblog #Part 66 #Act 6 #A6A1

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andy220575-blog · 8 years ago

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U think " Ur place or Mine", But u coudnt ask guys around you !! You probably deal with guys at your work everyday: coworkers in the office, business clients and at lunch. Even during your personal time you're constantly communicating with guys. Many times you're just too busy going about your routines. It's an age-old question asked time and time again--can men and women really be just friends? it all depends on the individuals involved. But hold on, what about that particularly attractive guy? You know the one you have to work closely with on a long-term project or even travel out of town with. Then what? Or what if it's your good-looking next-door neighbor or a close family friend? Can you really just be cordial or are there some feelings lurking beneath the surface? It's okay , Sometimes we maintain a good rapport , but when it comes right down to it, we'd love to love that person in a more than friendly way.U did sometimes think getting cuddly with soemone you come into contact with? You're the prettiest girl here,but the funny thing is, for a girl so full of words, U didn't know why u were holding back. In you head u think " your place or mine". Especially when u had zero doubt that u were ready to cuddle. And yes, No strings, no ties, no hand-written love letters, no anything. Waiting till marriage works for some people, but u didnt want to take that route. Even so, for a long time, u were afraid of what casual stuff would say about u. But then u could not literally take it anymore.U looked at urself in the mirror and said, "You're not slutty for wanting to sleep with a guy. He's your friend. He's a good guy. You want to get laid. There is nothing wrong with it. Go get your condoms." U never thought u'd be the type of girl who would be easygoing , but the thing is, there isn't a "type of girl." Women & Men all have desires, urges, and fantasies that we all crave. Some of us act on it, some don't. Neither of us are better or worse for going all the way or not. It's all about your level of comfort and the type of person you choose with. It can't be someone you'd actually want to be your boyfriend, your colleague, your family friend, someone you have a history with (like an ex-boyfriend), but it should be someone that'll treat you with care We all have different boundaries, but being a little casual about it doesn't make us any less "husband/wife-material." It's not your friends' (or strangers') place to judge, and it's certainly not your place to judge yourself. We don't feel less special or more slutty sleeping with . You are making the rules on ur own terms, based on what u want instead of holding back ." Because ya know what? It doesn't mean much. And sometimes after a boring day or just on a random Saturday afternoon, it's nice to have a pretty o'gsm on speed-dial. A simple text works !! "Come over. Let's do this. Bring ice cream." It's the kind of thing you can have with someone you're comfortable with but not in love with: sensual, educational, intense, dirty and adventurous. We can lay in bed discussing old relationships, politics, online dating, feeding each other ice cream, laughing and resting. Then we can do it again. And when we're not seeing other people and when the mood strikes, we can have really, really amazing love makin. We can have pillow talk but neednt stay the night with one another. We don't say sweet nothings. We don't talk every single day. We don't get emotionally intimate, but we are good friends. IAM EXPAT INDIAN GUY LOOKING FOR OPEN MINDED WOMAN / COUPLE. I DO NOT GIVE OR TAKE MONEY OR GIFTS !! Just don’t EMAIL without reading the ad.. email: [email protected] FOOL PROOF & SAFE TIPS FOR WOMEN FOR PRIVACY : Open a Google Chrome browser, then press CTRL+SHIFT+N . A new private window opens. Whatever u do in this new private window is not stored. You can create a temporary gmail id in minutes & use hangout to chat or talk to me .. Its easy n simple !!!. There is no need to share nbr. See ya soon!

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yourrainycollectorhologram-blog · 7 years ago

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How much will it cost to get the affordable health care?”

"How much will it cost to get the affordable health care?""

people dont like it when they are forced to get this health care,but how much does it cost to get it in the first place?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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portable preferred

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How much does the average person have in their checking account?

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Does a rear view camera affect car insurance rates?

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What is a good family health insurance plan?

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How much would insurance cost?

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/get-all-insurance-quotes-bailey-wiley/"

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bwicblog · 8 years ago

Text

DD: hello is anybody maybe around here right now

ID: kiiinda.

DD: kinda what does kinda mean

DD: i mean i also feel like that is kinda here but i am hoping that is not for the same reason that you feel kinda here because it is on account of feeling pretty awful and i wouldn't want you to feel pretty awful

ID: kinda as in i'm in the trap. so not really glued to my mobile.

ID: also that sucks. are you like. sick? maybe there's a virus going around.

SA: Pheres was also sick... it would be bad if there was a bug, it could have been at Cascara. But I don't remember seeing Dazzle there

SA: I hope you feel better soon.

DD: oh dear i did not mean to contact you while you were

DD: indisposed??

DD: and i have no idea if i am ill with a landdweller disease of some sort or if i am just unsuited to the desert DD: i am probably going to die or something but i am not sure i care very much anymore

DD: but i appreciate the well wishes!!

ID: it's fine, i gotta get my carcass out of the water anyway- uh. wow. mm.

ID: can you just... be. not in the desert if it sucks that much...?

OA: aW, WHAT'S A GUPPY DOING IN THE GODDAMN DESERt? :o(

DD: i dont think so i mean not really i mean DD: i am here because i am working with the station for tech development and beta testing and also i am supposed to be somewhere far away from where i was before so that the people who were trying to kill me wouldnt be able to find me so its kind of a twofer

SA: I doubt that, dazzle. Perhaps a doctor would be of use. 😃

DD: and everything hurts and i want my moirail except he is not even my moirail anymore because of the whole i am not around and the murder attempt and all that and there is no water and no fish in this desert and i couldnt even get some orange juice like you said pri because the lady selling it says she doesnt serve seadwellers except she used a much meaner word and everything is awful and

DD: sorry i should not be posting

AC: ..yes a d0ct0r s0unds l1ke a g00d 1dea als0 1f y0ure a seadweller 1n the desert d1d y0u remember t0 keep y0ur g1lls wet?? because thats,, pretty 1mp0rtant actually AC: and 1m s0rry ab0ut the rest 0f that but 1 th1nk thats g0nna get better 1f y0u take care 0f the f1rst th1ng pr0bably def1n1tely

OA: nAH, COUSIN, CHILL YOUR ROLL. AIN'T NO NEED TO GO AND FRAZZLe. OA: yOU GOT ALL THE RIGHTS TO VENT YOUR SPLEEN, FROM BLOOD AND BONE. WHAT A FUCKING wretch. OA: yOU TRIED LAYING YOURSELF FLAT IN A TUB? WE GOT PLENTY OF BRINE ON LAND, BUT THAT WON'T DO SHIT IF YOUR GILLS ROT OFf.

AC: yes l1ke 0a sa1d g0 d0 that 0r g0 1nhale there are als0 patches f0r th1s but 1 d0ubt y0u can get th0se 1f y0u c0uldnt get 0range ju1ce

DD: i have been trying but the water here is different and makes my gills sting and i ordered this little package of blocks you can dissolve in water to make it more akin to saltwater in terms of salt and other mineral content but it is not DD: here yet and i am not sure how long drone delivery takes on land i thought it would be here already

AC: ..th1s 1s g0nna s0und dumb but cant y0u just put salt 1n 1t f0r the t1me be1ng

ID: i mean. throw your hue around a little to the delivery company. that'll get it faster.

DD: (also im afraid i am not sure where to find a doctor but i suspect that is me wallowing because it seems like a difficult tast but so does getting up at all at the moment)

OA: yOU AT A STATION? WHY NOT JUST ASK SOME CHUCKLEHEAD UP TOP TO FETCH IT FOR YOu? OA: sURE AS NAUGHT, YOU AIN'T THE ONLY SOVEREIGN ON BASE, YEAH? EVERY BLUE'S KNOWN SOME CLOWN WITH FRILLs.

AC: r1ght here actually 0r maybe 1n p0rt m1na but 1 have n0 1dea where 1n the desert y0u are 0r even 1n wh1ch 0ne

DD: oh i am not at the station at this very moment unfortunately but yes there is one other seadweller there the general and i kind of wanted to ask them for help but i think they think im a little bit daft DD: and oh dear i was going to just add salt but then everyone said it wasnt the same so i didnt but

DD: i am in port mina it is the closest town to station 11 which is where i am working!

AC: O:B d0 y0u kn0w the c0ffee sh0p thats shaped l1ke a teap0t

OA: aDD SALT TO THE WATER. DROWN YOUR WOES. AND FUCKING CALL SOME SCHLUB AT THE BASE TO FETCH YOU THE PROPER SHIt. :o) OA: aIN'T NO NEED TO THROW YOUR CHROME AROUND. YOU'RE FUCKING VIOLEt. OA: yOU ARE gracing THEM WITH THE OPPORTUNITY TO OFFER AID, AND THEY WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITy.

ID: can't you buy sea salt in stores. that... seems like it would work? i think?

SA: salt water is more than salt water it also has a particular mineral content, etc

DD: yes it is super cute i kind of wanted to go there but i am afraid they might not serve me like with the orange juice lady and then i am going to cry in the shop and that will be really embarrassing

SA: otherwise caring for my clown fish would be hell on alternia

SA: they have to serve you. Threaten them.

AC: n0 1ts f1ne 1m w0rk1ng r1ght n0w y0u c0uld def1n1tely c0me 0ver 1f y0u wanted s0meth1ng t0 dr1nk

SA: become mean and hatedul

DD: and oh dear i dont think everybody sees it that way oa but that is very kind of you to say so i mean DD: maybe i should call someone DD: i dont think

DD: er

DD: i

SA: and then reel it back in

AC: please d0nt threaten me actually

OA: hAHAHA, WHAT THE FUCk.

DD: i would rather not do that honestly especially since i think you were complaining about people that do that earlier prisma and i dont want people to dislike me and also im not sure if i would even be able to threaten you right now ac i mean unless you are deathly afraid of people crying i can probably threaten you wit hthat

DD: actually i am not even sure if prisma is being serious or maybe making fun of me

OA: hIS ADVICE IS RANK EITHER WAY. PAY IT NO MIND, COUSIN, HE IS LEADING YOU ASTRAy. :o)

AC: yes em0t10nal pe0ple are terr1fy1ng 1f y0u cry 0n me 1ll cry t00 thats sarcasm by the way

ID: yeah pris maybe. don't tell daz to be a jerk to lowbloods i think we. get enough of that.

SA: sometimes I have to be cruel and hateful too to convince higher blooded trolls to take me and my business seriously. But I understand hesitance

ID: from other highbloods.

SA: yes but I know they aren't that way inside so it seemed like a logical solution

SA: I apologize

DD: being hateful sounds like it takes a lot of energy i would rather just DD: i dont know

DD: i dont know im very confused in general right now i think that might be the temperature a little bit

ID: oh. uh i can see why that could. fry your pan. got any ice? put it on like. the back of your neck.

DD: and even if it is sarcasm ac that is okay i dont really know where you are so i could not do that regardless

DD: i think maybe the hotel has an ice machine that is where i am now

OA: cOUSIN, COUSIN, THEY JUST UP AND SAID THEY WERE AT THE LITTLE TEAPOt.

DD: i guess it is an inn

DD: oh

DD: i

DD: missed that completely you have my apologies

DD: oh!

AC: 1m a she but yes there was an 0ffer 0f ju1ce here 1t 1s aga1n just t0 be super expl1c1t 1m at the teap0t and 1m 0ffer1ng y0u ju1ce 0r maybe tea the c0ffee 1s g00d t00

DD: oh they said i could have something to drink too that is very kind

DD: she

DD: you have my apologies again i am sorry

OA: i AIN'T TOO FAR FROM THE STATION. HOW ABOUT I GO AND GET YOU A SALTBLOCK, YEAH? SEE IF THEY AIN'T GOT ANY FANCY MEDS FOR A FISH LIKE YOu. :o) OA: sHIT TO OPEN UP THOSE FUCKING GILLS, GET SOME COOL AIR IN YOu. OA: aND GIVE YOU A REASON TO STOP APOLOGISING, HOLY SHIt.

DD: i would very much like some orange juice and also maybe tea i have never had tea or orange juice before though i have had coffee though i have kind of been living off of coffee and lattes a little bit theyre very delicious and one of the things that dont taste weird here

DD: also i am sorry for being sorry >:P

DD: you are both very kind however that part is not a joke

AC: y0u havent AC: what?? AC: 0kay we need t0 f1x that 1 mean 1m reallyreally b1ased t0wards the c0ffee here 0r anywhere really but 1f y0uve never had tea y0u need t0 try 0ur lem0n 0ne 1ts great AC: wh1ch s0unds l1ke 1m try1ng t0 adverte f0r us here wh1ch 1m n0t even 1f 1t def1n1tely reads l1ke 1t but yes y0u get the p01nt

DD: i mean right now really the fact that you are willing to make me something without any of that threatening messiness is enough of an advertisement really but it also sounds really nice and i would like to try both the orange juice and the tea and the coffee i mean i havent had enough to drink in general probably and i cant tell how much of it is my gills drying out or actually drinking but yes

DD: once i

DD: figure out how to get up

ID: probably should start with. cold drinks there. with lots of ice.

DD: and no i havent had those things because they do not really happen underwater i guess except in pouches so thats how i am familiar with iced coffee

AC: actually thats g0nna take y0ur b0dy m0re energy t0 heat them up and pr0bably 1snt that great f0r y0u

DD: and oh right there was the ice machine

SA: less sugar will hydrate you faster

DD: oh but i would like something cold right now i dont really

AC: 0h r1ght s0rry 1 f0rg0t ab0ut the underwater th1ng the 0nly seadweller 1 kn0w d0esnt really spend a wh0le l0t 0f t1me there s0 1 tend t0 f0rget that 1ts a,, uh,, a th1ng

DD: i dont think my body heats things up

DD: maybe its the other way around since i am violet i have been using energy to cool everything down

ID: i mean if daz is overheating, cooling him down is. good.

DD: and oh that is interesting

DD: i didnt realize there were people that dont live in the water very much

OA: tHEY'RE RUNNING A FUCKING TEMPERATURE. ICE AIN'T GONNA DO SHIT, BUT FUCK THEM OVER PROPERLy. OA: jUST GET SOME TAP WATER, COUSIN. BODY'S ALREADY PROTESTING THE DRY. WHY YOU WANNA MAKE IT FIGHT THE CHILl?

DD: it seems very difficult

DD: i

DD: i dont know um i suppose everything sounds like it makes sense

DD: i want to run a bath but the fresh water makes things hurt more

DD: maybe i can just put my head in it without breathing it or getting it on my gills

DD: that seems silly but like maybe it would feel nice

OA: mAN. THIS IS WHY WE KEEP LUSUS ON BASE. COVER THIS SHIT FOR A MOTHERFUCKER, SO THERE AIN'T NO NEED FOR WORRY NOR FUSs. OA: iF YOUR SNOUT IS IN WATER, COUSIN, AND YOUR GILLS ARE IN AIR, HOW ARE YOU GONNA BREATh? :o)

DD: take my head out when i need to probably

DD: and oh my lusus is on base actually i would kind of like to crawl into the tank they use for the aquatic lusi but i cant bring an aquatic tendrilbeast to the hotel unfortunately

OA: pUT A RAG ON YOUR DOMe. OA: pUT SOME WATER IN YOUR GULLEt. OA: dUMP SOME SALT IN THE TRAP, AND THEN THROW YOURSELF IN, SO THERE AIN'T NO NEED FOR DRY-ASS DROWNINg. OA: aIN'T THERE SOME RUST WHO CAN HAUL YOU SOME TABLESALT Up?

DD: i can definitely ask the inn staff i think hopefully they have enough available and yes then i am going to do all of those things and then maybe stop dying

DD: sorry that all seems very obvious in retrospect i think maybe i am also not thinking especially clearly at the moment

DD: also um oa are you maybe still okay with bringing me something from the base maybe i think i am probably actually sick but also i dont want to do the threatening thing that prisma mentioned earlier that seems like a good way to make people stop being nice to me or really liking me at all

OA: tHREATENING IS THE HALL OF THOSE TOO WEAK TO WORK THEIR GODDAMN FLAp. OA: wHO NEEDS TO THREATEN WHEN A WELL-PLAYED WORD WORKS JUST AS WELl? :o)

OA: wHICH IS TO SAY, COUSIN, OF FUCKING COURSe. OA: i WILL FETCH YOU WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY GIVE. IT WILL BE MY PLEASURe.

OA: wHAT'S YOUR NAME, SOVEREIGn? OA: aIN'T KEEN TO SEND IT TO THE WRONG ROOm. :o)

DD: oh dear well that is a very nice way of putting that and thank you very much i am also very appreciative of your help and also your patience on account i was admittedly wallowing quite a bit earlier and things seem a lot less awful right now DD: and oh my name is dazzle that should also be what the block is under whats your name? and also ac if she is still around she was very nice and i still want to be able to meet her at the teapot cafe later if she still wants to

AC: yes h1 1m st1ll ar0und th1ngs are sl0w t0n1ght 1m lapyen AC: 0r just the blue 0ne 1n the bun and the glasses 0r actually really just the blue 0ne y0u cant m1ss me h0nestly

OA: mY NAME IS RICCIN. RICCIN KAYATA. WHEN YOU SEE ME, COUSIN, YOU'LL KNOw. :o)

OA: oR. WELL. WHEN THE HOTEL STAFF SEES Me. OA: wHAT THE FUCK EVER, I AIN'T USED TO THIS DELIVERY SHIt.

AC: als0 1m n0t sure 1f y0u can base my actual n1ceness 0n just a c0uple c0mments 1 made t0 y0u 0nl1ne 0ver the span 0f half an h0ur and 1f 1t really w0rks l1ke that and as a sec0nd als0 thats really 0m1n0us and 1m super cur10us what y0u even mean by that 0a

DD: that sounds very dramatic!! DD: the youll know comment i mean not the blue thing the blue thing makes a lot of sense actually given my recent experiences and i feel kind of bad to be happy that there is someone kind of highblooded around because that seems a little unkind of me but yes i mean youre very nice and i have learned recently i am not good at talking to lowbloods that i am not working with DD: and it is not just the comments i mean also you are inviting me for tea and all of those things thats pretty nice

OA: i AM A STRIKING GODDAMN FIGURE, THAT'S ALl. :o)

AC: 0h n0n0 d0nt w0rry 1 def1n1tely get that 1t can be really super awkward t0 talk t0 l0wbl00ds 1f y0ure n0t used t0 1t and als0 theres _s0_ much y0u can d0 wr0ng when y0u d0 that 1ts a l1ttle terr1fy1ng 1f y0ure n0t fr1ends w1th them already AC: als0 1 c0uld be lur1ng y0u 1n t0 r0b y0u y0u d0nt kn0w my m0t1vat10ns 1 mean 1m n0t and als0 that w0uld be pretty hard 1n br0ad m00nl1ght 1n a p0pulated area but 1m g0nna st0p typ1ng n0w

AC: a f1gure?? what k1nd 0f f1gure 0h my g0d

DD: well in that case i look forward to seeing you i mean if you decide to come up i am not sure if you wanted to with the staff comments or anything but that sounds intruiging and you have created an air of mystery and intrique DD: and yes that is a good description of how i feel lapyen i mean prisma and hadean and riccin have all been very nice but even then i messed up and prisma yelled at me so i am not always the best at being social with people at all really DD: though i think probably i dont think anybody would try to rob me or i mean you could try but i dont think it would work very well especially not like in a crowded teashop where you are employed : P

OA: .. wHAT SORT OF FIGURE ARE YOU PICTURING, GIRl? OA: bECAUSE I AM STARTING TO GET ALL SHADES OF FUCKING concerned.

OA: ;o(

DD: omg ahaha

DD: ow

DD: that hurt but i am going to keep laughing anyways because i do not think i have smiled in two nights

OA: cAREFUL, SOVEREIGn. OA: dON'T GO RIPPING YOUR GILLS, TRYING TO SPREAD SOME MIRTh.

OA: :o)

DD: theyre kind of stuck im not sure if i could even rip them even by laughing 😦

DD: i tried to peel one open earlier with my claws but i almost ripped a filament instead and they are all gummy and theyre not supposed to be

OA: >:o?

OA: tHAT SEEMS NASTY AS FUCk.

AC: n0t that k1nd 0f f1gure 0h my g0d ab0rt ab0rt AC: but als0 d0uble 0h my g0d that d0esnt s0und l1ke 1ts supp0sed t0 be l1ke that maybe def11ntely d0 the salt th1ng and then let me take a l00k at them later 1f y0ure,, uh,, 1f y0ure c0mf0rtable w1th that?? because 1f theyre s0 dry theyre glued shut theres a teeny t1ny r1sk 0f 1nfect10n n0th1ng t0 w0rry ab0ut but maybe s0meth1ng t0,, t0 l00k at

DD: oh dear

DD: it is pretty nasty yes especially because it is my body and i like my gills i also like them being working and not infected and

DD: um that is to say yes i would appreciate that lapyen if you are okay with that i mean you mentioned earlier you are a docterrorist and i dont know where else to find one and

DD: oh dear

OA: sHOULD I BE FETCHING THOSE MAGIC PILLS FROM THE BASE, TOo.

OA: >:o?

DD: oh um i thought maybe you already were i think you mentioned they had medicine earlier but i am not sure what they have really or how it works or what i need which is not very helpful of me

OA: bROTHER, BROTHER, THEY GOT PLENTY OF PILLs. OA: tHEY'RE ASKING ME WHAT THE FUCK I'M GETTING, THAT'S ALl.

OA: .. i'LL JUST GET ALL OF IT, AND YOU CAN TAKE IT AT ONCe. OA: gET THAT SICKNESS OUT EN MASSe. :o)

AC: um

AC: actually maybe read the l1ttle,, uh,, the n0tes that c0me w1th them and als0 d0nt take all 0f them at 0nce under abs0lutely n0 c1rcumstances

DD: oh dear

AC: just read the 1nstruct10n leaflets 1ts all 1n there 1ts f1ne

DD: that sounds like a good idea i am going to do that i mean if you are a docterrorist you know better probably

AC: s0rry n0 0ffense but 1 d0nt th1nk 1m g01ng t0,, 1 mean attend1ng med sch00l feeds just t0 kn0w that leaflets are 1n there t0 be read and n0t t0 take up space

OA: wHY NOT TAKE ALL OF THEm?

OA: aIN'T THEY LIKE BLOCKS? OR BOOZe?

OA: tHE MORE YOU TAKE, THE BETTER IT Is.

AC: yes theyre exactly l1ke b00ze wh1ch 1s why y0u expl1c1tly d0nt d0 that please

AH: hahah oh wow poor Lapyen

AH: sorry Riccin's dumb ass came to ruin your evening

AC: 1ts n0t ru1ned my even1ng 1s f1ne but thanks and h1 gl1ese

AH: give it time. they're good at being a little bitch. but sup, how's life

AH: I went to a ren fair a little while ago, shit was wild

AH: what have you been doing? you landed that new gig, right?

AC: 0kay that s0unds k1nd 0f,, 1nterest1ng 1 guess was that c00l?? AC: and yes!! 1m d01ng an 1nternsh1p r1ght n0w we w0rk w1th r0b0ts 1ts supersuper c00l and h0nestly a really welc0me break fr0m sch00lfeeds 1m n0t say1ng that the stress 1s t00 much but the stress 1s pr0bably,, k1nd 0f a l1ttle b1t t00 much

AH: Haha damn, no, it probably is. It was interesting for _me_ , that's for sure, given I dragged a friend's sorry ass off to a mediculler, saw some absolutely fucking atrocious fashion, met up with Canela again, and met some new people.

DD: what no riccin has been lovely they are being very nice and are helping me out i dont think that counts as being that

AH: But what kind of robots are you working with. Are they cool?

AH: lmao Riccin's probably just sucking up because you're violet

AH: I can't be bothered to backread

AH: but I'd bet money

DD: i mean they didnt ask me to pay them or anything

AC: theyre very c00l but als0 we just g0t a b1g gr0up 0f cust0mers s0rry 1 reallyreally need t0 put my ph0ne away AC: y0u can t0tally talk t0 me ab0ut that later th0ugh and dazzle y0u can abs0lutely st1ll c0me 1n whenever y0u feel l1ke 1t s0rry bye

AH: well why would they, they have clowns taking care of their oversized ass

AH: they just like to feel important

DD: i hope you have a good night that sounds like a lot of work and i will definitely come by when i am feeling like i can walk!!

DD: and i mean you said money

AH: awww, damn

AH: but good luck and all

AH: ...I said I _bet_ money, not that you were paying them lol

AH: learn to read

DD: i can read i am just having a hard time doing so on account of everything being very hazy at the moment but also to clarify saying id bet money can be interpreted as you betting money on it or betting that money is the key factor hence the nature of my misunderstanding

DD: but also i dont think anybody has felt much like ingratiating themselves with me lately and instead its been more of the opposite so i think riccin is just being a nice person

AH: holy shit, who fed you caffeine, I want a word

AH: Also lmao you have terrible fucking judgment if you think Riccin is nice

AH: but then I guess they would be to you because they're like...loyal to clowns and up

AH: I think

AH: I don't know how their crazy pan works

DD: i mean they were very nice to lapyen as well and also i havent had caffeine in a while i heard it dehydrates you and i am having trouble with that lately so i did not want to make it worse

AH: mother grub, what the fuck, are you dried out or something? go jump in a lake or whatever, surely you have _that_ much survival instinct.

AH: or does fresh water hurt seadwellers? try it and let me know.

OA: gIRL, STOP DRAGGING ME. IF YOU WANTED MY ATTENTION, ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS FUCKING SAy. ;o)

AH: wow look what the meowbeast dragged in

OA: yOU STILL AIN'T IN THE TUB, DAZZLe?

AH: the world's worst yellowblood

AH: also, I was legit just giving Lapyen a warning because I'm a good fucking friend, but you know, if you wanna froth at the bit for some words your way, be my guest

AH: that's not pathetic at all

AH: ...Dazzle

AH: Their name is _Dazzle_ ??

AH: ahahaha fuck that's amazing, only a fish would have a name that stupid

IA: :(

OA: a GOOD FUCKING FRIEND. My. :o)

OA: wHO TOLD YOU THAT LIE, GIRL, AND WHY THEY TRYING TO MISLEAD YOU SO harshly?

AH: Yeah, I know the concept's foreign to you, but try to understand

AH: Who told what lie, you're making even less sense than usual

AH: which is a fucking accomplishment

OA: ... aRE YOU AS DOOZY AS THE GUPPy? OA: i'LL GIVE YOU A MOMENT TO REREAD, ON ACCOUNT OF THE FACT IT'S A WONDER YOUR TINY-ASS EYES CAN EVEN SEE THE SCREEn.

AH: also wow, a single sad smiley face, IA. Really pulling on my pumper strings here. Let me borrow Hadean's violin and play it for you.

AH: Oh wait, my strings broke.

AH: Fucking tragic.

DD: i am not in the tub i tried to get in and it made everything hurt and i decided to wait for the salt DD: and my name isnt stupid i use that one because its fun its actually my last name and my first one is laurel DD: so you can use that if it helps you not be a total jerk

IA: Why is every-one fighting all the time in here :(

OA: cLOSE YOUR FINS TO HER NONSENSE, SOVEREIGNs. OA: gLIESE AIN'T NOTHING BUT BILE, I AM SORRY TO FUCKING SAy.

OA: iT IS A SHAME SOMEONE SO HIGH IS SO FUCKING RUDe. :o)

AH: because we'd be bored as hell otherwise, _duh_

AH: what are you, a wriggler? grow a backbone

AH: when a seadweller's a pansy it's extra sad

AH: Laurel's a little better yeah. Also fuck you I am the _finest_ of bile, the absolute queen of bitterness, it's right in my fucking handle you blind ass.

AH: Yeah well it's a shame someone so wordy has so little to say, so...what are we gonna do here.

IA: I just th-ought this was supp-osed t-o be a fun, Empire run chat, I didn't expect t-o run int-o s-o many c-onfr-ontati-onal tr-olls.

AH: Your first mistake was putting "fun" and "Empire run" in the same sentence. I mean it is fun in here but it sure as hell isn't because of the Empire.

AH: Literally all we owe them for is making the stupid thing.

AH: Not like _they_ provide entertainment.

AH: Bunch of boring nerds.

AH: wow did everyone piss themselves in fear when I walked in or what.

SA: Hello Gliese.

AH: sup

SA: how has your evening been?

AH: I had to run around extra because somebody fucked up my lusus's water, but at least it got settled.

AH: So mostly routine aside from that.

AH: You?

IA: I ap-ologize, I'm a bit distracted between things. I'll be swimming in and -out.

SA: your lusus's water? What happened...?

SA: I am fine. I had breakfast with sipara and hadean this morning.

SA: hello, IA.

AH: And we all miss you so fucking terribly, IA, bland as water as you are...pun not intended.

AH: Nothing much, but some dumb kid knocked over his trough.

IA: Hell-o Pris!

AH: I was pissed, but judging from how they were shaking I think it was an accident, so I let them off with a cuff and a warning.

SA: how are you, IA? aside from busy.

SA: hmm. I'm sorry

SA; I hope they are. Feeling better now.

AH: Eh, probably, not like I actually hurt them

AH: They were probably like six sweeps max

AH: Not worth it

SA: Oh I meant you rlusus but yes, hitting children is often not encouraged by myself.

AH: Oh, yeah, he's fine. Luckily I had more on me, I'll just have to order extra.

AH: I also gave him some carrots, he's good.

AH: You like, don't have a lusus right?

AH: That must've been weird

SA: it was not terribly weird.

AH: Really?

SA: it was stranger when I realized it wasn't the norm.

AH: Oh lmao

AH: I guess that makes sense

SA: i was raised and cared for in a fairly neticulous way.

SA: it levelled out much of my development, I suppose.

SA; rather than being raised by

SA: ...

IA: Y-ou're quite mean AH

SA: an ibis?

SA: I think it was an Ibis.

SA: I could just be filling in, though.

SA: I genuinely don't remember.

AH: Nooooo

AH: REALLY??

AH: God you sound like Kit, except even he's learned better by now

AH: Ibises are cool

AH: Don't a lot of lowbloods have bird lusii?

AH: Could swear I heard that somewhere

SA: I couldn't tell you the statisticla information on that.

IA: Als-o I'm d-oing well Pris, thank y-ou f-or asking!

AH: Dunno, bunch of them from my town did. Even Matari's lusus had wings and it was a hoofbeast.

IA: It's fairly hit -or miss isn't it? I'm n-ot sure if I've met a l-ot -of l-owbl-o-ods with bird lusii myself.

AH: have you met a lot of lowbloods _anyway_

AH: how much do you even come out of the ocean

IA: The last time I've been in the -ocean was ab-out three m-onths ag-o and bef-ore that, nearly a year. I w-ork m-ostly -on land.

IA: I meet and talk with a l-ot -of l-owbl-o-ods actually :)

AH: yeah okay probably by sticking a blade in them or something

AH: protip: gurgling doesn't count as conversation

IA: I d-on't d-o that :(

IA: Why w-ould I d-o that?

AH: Uhhhh

AH: You're a SEADWELLER??? Y'all fucks make my caste look meek with your goddamn murder fetish.

AH: It's a reasonable assumption.

IA: I m-ost certainly have a let's-n-ot-murder fetish

AH: Haha wow that was some of the most awkward phrasing ever

AH: The fuck do you do then

IA: I'm a detective! I w-ork with the Empire here -on Alternia and l-ocal g-overnments t-o help reduce and prevent crime.

IA: F-or all castes, I may add

AH: lol yeah pull the other one

AH: everyone knows the system's rigged to high hell

AH: I mean I get it, whatever, you all want to ~do justice~ for those of us who'll still be around in a hundred sweeps to hate your faces

AH: but still

IA: It's tail-ored t-o the standards -one w-ould expect f-or -our vi-olent s-ociety, yes, but I d-on't mind n-or care what -others think -of me in a hundred sweeps.

IA: And just because -our system is tail-ored s-o d-oesn't mean I can't d-o my best t-o make pe-oples' lives easier AND better.

AH: Yeah, sure, even a violet can't do a whole lot to change a system run by tyrians. Unless you're gonna argue with them, in which case, have fun with that.

IA: Well, thank y-ou! I d-o l-o-ok f-orward t-o pr-ove y-ou wr-ong :) I have already seen the differences I've made and it's m-ore than en-ough t-o make everything w-orth it!

IA: My name is Nemm-on, what's y-ours, AH?

AH: Gliese, though you have no idea how tempted I was to tell you something stupid and see if you bought it.

AH: I mean we have _Dazzle_ in here.

AH: And the only reason I'm pretty sure they're not making it up is that they seem too dumb for that and because they're a fish.

IA: Well there is n-o way f-or me t-o verify it if y-ou did lie t-o me.

IA: Why didn't y-ou?

AH: Meh, might make things confusing later.

AH: Also you'd probably not question it and be boring as usual so what's the point.

IA: That's kind -of y-ou Gliese :)

AH: Please, I couldn't care less about your feelings, this is purely for my own convenience. I care more about the dumb kid who knocked over my lusus's water trough earlier than you.

IA: I didn't say anything ab-out my feelings, i just stated it was kind -of y-ou t-o decide against lying. I h-ope y-our lusus is alright th-ough?

AH: Kind for who, if you don't care. Also stop being nice it's weird.

AH: Even Budino being depressing was better than this

AH: You just sound creepy

IA: I'm s-orry :(

AH: and now we're back to boring

AH: is ANYONE ELSE in here before I give up or die of dullness.

OA: hONk.

IA: W-ould y-ou be m-ore c-omf-ortable if I wasn't nice?

AH: not really because then you'd be fake as hell and that's even worse

AH: I'm less uncomfortable and more wondering how anyone can be so tedious without wanting to stab themselves.

AH: Hey Riccin look it's another fish. Go kiss ass like you were hatched to do.

AH: Entertain me.

IA: I'd rather we didn't kiss my rear.

AH: aw, you ruined Riccin's night

AH: how could you

OA: sISTER, LET'S NOT BE INAPPROPRIATE WITH THE SOVEREIGn. :o) OA: 'sIDES, THINK YOU'VE HAD YOUR MOUTH ON ENOUGH FISH FOR THE WHOLE LOT OF Us.

IA: :( It'd make me extremely unc-omf-rtable

AH: lmao what

AH: I know two fish and one of those is older than dirt

AH: and the other is Canela, who's probably on another date as we speak

AH: and possibly ditching said date again if they suck lmao

AH: fun fact, Nemmon, nobody gives a shit

OA: yES, GIRL, IT IS CLEAR AS THE SKY OUTSIDE THAT I'M REFERRING TO YOUR COMMANDER. TYRIAN TITs. :o) OA: nAH, TALKING ABOUT THE VIOLET WHO KEEPS FLASHING HEARTS AT YOU. OR IS THAT THE NEW WAY OF SAYING HELLo? OA: bECAUSE IA HAS BEEN AWFULLY FUCKING SPARSE, IF THAT'S THE CASe.

AH: lmao you don't know Canela do you?

AH: she does that to all her friends

AH: she's just bubbly

OA: bUBBLY. My.

OA: tHAT'S A WORD FOR It.

IA: Y-ou're c-orrext --OA, I have been! I've been w-orking hard lately and haven't had much time t-o s-cialize

AH: lmao that went right over _your_ head

OA: :o)

AH: whatever, you weren't contributing anything valuable anyway

IA: --Oh I'm s-orry, is there an-other IA? I wasn't aware and I ap-ologize!

AH: oh my god how is anyone this dense

AH: even Riccin's not this dense

AH: I'm fucking mourning now

IA: I have n-o c-ontext f-or this c-onversati-on, Gliese.

IA: I'm afraid I d-on't kn-ow the regulars.

AH: Okay WOW I'm going to spell this out for you and then go

AH: because I'm fucking exhausted by your existence

AH: Riccin MEANT that you were sparse with SPAMMING HEART EMOJIS compared to CANELA, who uses them like they're going out of style because she just fucking does that

AH: and now I'm going, because I have shit to do and a thinkpan to maintain

OA: aND DEFINITELY NOT BECAUSE SHE'S TRYING TO PLAY FOUR SQUARES WITH BABY BLUE HERe. :o)

OA: hEAVEN FORBID WE HAVE THAT THOUGHt.

IA: Bye Gliese! :)

IA: S-o h-ow are y-ou --OA?

IA: Riccen, right?

OA: rICCIN, SOVEREIGn. :o) OA: lIKE THE FRUIt.

OA: i'M JUST JOLLY FUCKING GOOD. TEXTING MY GIRL NZINGa. OA: gETTING HER UP TO DATE ON SOME news. SPREADING THE GOOD WORD. ALL OF THAT SHIt. OA: bUT AIN'T NOTHING OF NO IMPORT, REALLy. OA: hOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOINg?

IA: I see! Pleasure t-o meet y-ou Riccin!

IA: I'm d-oing very well, thank you f-or asking!! It's a sl-ow night but a g-o-od -one t-o relax -on.

#c:riccin #c:nemmon #c:gliese #c:sipara #c:prisma #c:lapyen #c:hadean

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

Text

My Life as a Robot

I have been part robot since May. Instead of legs, I move on gyroscopically stabilized wheels. Instead of a face, I have an iPad screen. Instead of eyes, a camera with no peripheral vision. Instead of a mouth, a speaker whose volume I can’t even gauge with my own ears. And instead of ears, a tinny microphone that crackles and hisses withevery high note.

Im a remote worker; while most of WIRED is in San Francisco, I live in Boston. We IM. We talk on the phone. We tweet at each other, but I am often left out of crucial face-to-face meetings, spontaneous brainstorm sessions, gossip in the kitchen.

So my boss found a solution: a telepresence robot from Double Robotics, which would be my physical embodiment at headquarters, extending myself through technology. Specifically, an iPad on a stick on a Segway-like base. The telepresence robot market is crowded, ranging from high-end offerings like iRobot’s Ava (starting price: $69K) to the relatively more affordable Double, which starts at $2,499. The company says it has sold nearly 5,000 of them since its launch in 2012. Mostly these go to big corporations like IBM and McDonald’s, but I’ve heard of teachers and hospitals using them, too. Supposedly all a Double needs to work is a strong Wi-Fi signal.

Christie Hemm Klok/WIRED

The first time I opened the Double interface in Chrome and clicked on an icon of my robot 3,000 miles away I was greeted by the pixelated image of my boss’s torso and a few headless coworkers. There probably were some instructions somewhere that I should have read, but I didn’t. “How do I move it?” I asked them. “We don’t know,” they said. I clicked around. Nothing. I tried the arrow keys and, boom, jolted out of the robot’s charging dock and toward onlookers. I was like a foal, learning to walk. It took about 10 minutes to discover that a) driving a robot using a browser interface is clunky and b) the hip flooring choices of WIRED’s office were going to be my nemesis, with every transition from concrete to rubber to carpet providing another opportunity to fall on my screen.

Growing Pains

Before I ever tried the robot, I was sure I would hate the thing.I thought it would make me small and flat and foolish. I thought it would be annoying to deal with, would require me to wear pants (something we remote workers often don’t do, world!). I thought it would make me a novelty, a sideshow, a joke. And I thought it would be a waste of time.

Diary Entry: Day 1 Nice to meet you…robot, is it? says a strange torso I encounter in the kitchen.

EmBot, I say, Nice to meet you, too!

The figure leans down and puts a hand out to shake. Helpless, I move the EmBot from side to side using the arrow keys in what I hope translates as a gesture of excitement, rather than malfunction. Ill never really know if it worked out. The screen freezes and when it comes back, the torso is gone. I am alone, standing in a stream of humans trying to get breakfast.

Its just me, a robot, waiting in line for the human food I cant eat, I say. No response. I repeat it a few times. Is this thing on?

When I boot up, some of my original fears are realized: I’m disoriented and silly and helpless. I am a spectacle. People ogle and take pictures. I feel like a dog, the recipient of gawking smiles that say, Awwww, youre so adorably unable to take care of yourself. But, most importantly, I am surprised to find that being a robot is delightful. It’s thrilling. I am in the office! There is the kitchen! There is Sam! Hi, everyone! I am here!

Diary Entry: Day 2 I roll over behind Sams desk for a brief chat about a deadline. She hasnt heard me approach. I dont know what to do. If I just say her name shell freak out. I Hipchat her, Look behind you. As soon as I do it, I realize thats creepy—but its too late. She turns and there I am.

Hi, I say as casually as possible, I just–

Sam cuts me off. Em, she says, can you control the volume? Youre very loud.

I am? I ask.

YES, the entire bullpen yells.

I find and adjust the volume. I guess I was screaming all day.

Later that morning, I experienced the joy of being in the daily editorial meeting as a robot. Plunked at the end of the conference table, my iPad head tracked the conversation, listening. Yes, I interrupted people because my browser was a few seconds behind. Didn’t matter. I heard Molly on the phone from the Caribbean and she was barely audible. The audio system sucks. As she was trying to talk people were kind of looking exasperated. Not at her, but at the system. That was me two days ago, I kept thinking. Two days ago that speaker system was my only conduit to theentire company.

It was then I knew I could never go back. I felt so superior as my robot. I loved my robot.

I Am Become EmBot

The crazy thing about being a human 3,000 miles away from your telepresence robot is that divide instantly dissolves when you activate. As soon as I call into EmBot, I am her, and she is me. My head is her iPad. When she fell, I felt disoriented in Boston. When a piece of her came off in the impact, I felt broken.

Nothing drove home the depth of my connection more than the first time someone touched my robotic body without asking. My coworker (who shall remain nameless) came up to gawk at me, and then moved behind my screen. As I was chatting with other people, he picked me up and shook me. I expected pranks like this. Id have done the same thing if I were in the office and it were some other poor schmuck calling in to a stupid robot from far away. But I didnt expect how instantly violated I felt. He just picked up an extension of my body. One moment I was in control of myself, the next, I was powerless. I laughed from the iPad screen faced away from him, but I was unsettled, and then immediately embarrassed, for the first time, because why should it matter to me if the stick Im currently streaming from is picked up off the floor a continent away?

Get over it, I told myself. But then it happened again. And again.

Diary Entry, Day 3 My coworker picks me up as Im wheeling to the meeting because Im slow. I don’t want to be slow! I want to walk on my own! Im an adult! She lifts me up before I have a chance to object. In the air I meekly say, Just ask me first if youre going to lift me, which no one responds to because I assume they think that it’s a joke.

This became my secret shame. People wanted to help me, but every single time they did it, I felt infantilized. I needed to tell my coworkers not to pick me up—a conversation I dreaded. I did this by sending them a draft of my daily robot diary, in which they read about how I was feeling. (Classic passive aggressive move, you say? No doubt, but the few times I’d said the words aloud, they hadn’t clicked for people, so I thought the log was the best way.) It worked. Now no one touches my robot without permission. Case in point:

Diary Entry: Day 5 I cant get out of the all-glass conference room alone. I turn my screen to Joe and he says, Should I carry you?

Thats probably wise.

Ill just drop you off where its straight and then you can make your way from there. Joe is basically my robots father, and my robot is a toddler. When he picks me up Im jostled. He gently places me down at the straight hallway and I want very badly to navigate quickly back to my dock to prove Im self-sufficient, but the screen freezes twice and the motor is slow and it takes me forever.

Later, on the phone, another editor off-handedly said, You know, when Joe lifted you up and carried you—now I hope this doesnt make you uncomfortable—but from our end, with your face on the screen, it looked really inappropriate. Like he was cradling you in his arms. Because when we see the face, our brains cant help but project the rest of you, and so it was like you were actually being carried.

Looking at the future. #embot #newnewwiredoffice

A photo posted by @joemfbrown on May 7, 2015 at 11:00am PDT

So, even though I had given Joe permission to lift EmBot up, the fact that my face was still on the screen made other people uncomfortable. Fine. Another rule: If I ask for help and you pick me up, I’ll disconnect so the screen is dark. Voila. Everything was going to be fine.

EmBot Grows Up

After I put a stop to the inappropriate robot-touching, things quickly went from good to great. I’d call this the euphoria stage. I mastered the arrow keys (rather than holding them down and over correcting, just hit them quickly one at a time and roll like a BOSS). I figured out how to makethe robot stand taller so I wasnt constantly having conversations with peoples crotches. I booted up in the middle of spontaneous brainstorm sessions and shared ideas.

Diary Entry: Day 6

Major breakthrough! I have my first West-Wing-style walk and talk as Embot. I knew this day would come. After the morning meeting, Patrick walks with me down the hallway discussing a longread Im editing. Hes so cool about the robot thing that I briefly forget completely that its not normal to be a disembodied metal moving machine with an iPad for a face. He only says one thing that would be weird if I was walking down the hall as a fully-fleshed human, Youre about to run into wall, come this way.

At this point, I was also the star of cocktail parties in Boston. Everyone wanted to know how it was going with the robot. Are people still laughing at you? No. Isnt it weird that your robot is naked? No. Whats the worst thing thats happened with the robot so far? When I hit a dead-zone and EmBot died behind a strangers desk, with my face frozen on the screen, and I found out later that they thought I was lurking and spying on them. I mean, thats also one of the funnier things thats ever happened, but pretty terrible for that poor creeped-out human.

And just like that, I was a part of work in a way Id struggled to be since I first came on at WIRED. As a typical oldest child, tyrant and benefactor to two younger brothers, I pride myself on making sure everyone feels like were all in this together—whether “this” is divorce or publishing a magazine. Its hard to be that kind of leader when youre isolated from your team completely. When youre a voice coming out of speaker. EmBot changed that completely. Suddenly, there I was, materialized. My reporters and I started meeting face to face to discuss deadlines. Everything was so jovial and natural.

Christie Hemm Klok/WIRED

The other incredibly wonderful thing at this stage was that though Embot put me physically in the office, because she was just my head and not my body no one at work was seeing how pregnant I was looking. Now, of course, they know I am pregnant, but since I am not there, the visual reminder of my changed condition was not in their faces. I have worked at places before where women start getting treated differently when their bellies show. The kid gloves come on. I had been dreading how this could play out, but the way EmBot works I remained present and yet unchanged. No one remarked on my belly. It was not a factor in my work.

I became obsessed with EmBot. I couldt stop thinking about her when I turned her off at night. How sad that this thing that has made my life so much better was just dead when Im done working.

Diary Entry: Day 8

Its Friday. It occurs to me that EmBot doesnt get to enjoy the weekend. If only she had arms, she could push the button, summon the elevator, and be free. But shes a prisoner at work. Whereas my physical body is having adventures, growing a human life inside it and moving into a new apartment AND dog-sitting a Bernese Mountain dog.

Mostly my weekend will be about trying not poison my unborn child with paint fumes. My physical body is such a liability. Embot, though she is shackled to work and unable to exist without me to inhabit her, in some ways has the much simpler side of existence.

What if I have to share the Embot with someone? I tell myself that would be fine, but I know already that I would be feel upset. Embot is a part of me. Anyone else would be an intruder.

You can see from the daily diary entry that it was right about now that my connection with EmBot got a little weird. I couldnt let go of this notion that Embot was me and yet she lacked all freedom to exist outside the office. I started to feel that she was a caged animal. Which made me feel like a caged animal.

EmBot needed her freedom.

Get her a Mi-Fi, my friends suggested. Suddenly I imagined this vast conspiracy—finagling a coworker in SF to get me a company MiFi and surreptitiously hiding it under her screen. But then what? EmBot would rush out into the big bad streets of SOMA and try to find other robots to play with, meanwhile my poor comrade would be grilled by the Conde Nast HR department wanting to know “WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ROBOT? Who pushed the button to call the elevator, huh? The robot has no hands!”

That was clearly a terrible idea … and yet. I fantasized. I drove her past the elevator banks a few times to see if the Wi-Fi was strong enough for her to sneak out the door. I dont know what my plan was. EmBot was becoming a teenager. A teenager pushing her boundaries, pushing her luck.

First Pangs of Mortality

A photo posted by Patrick Witty (@patrickwitty) on May 7, 2015 at 12:09pm PDT

Within a few days, I started to realize perhaps EmBot wasn’t invincible after all. For one thing, I couldnt hear meetings very well. Sometimes I had to put my ear directly to the computer speaker to hear the people at the far end of the conference table, which meant that in the room EmBots face was just the folds of my (hopefully not-waxy) ear canal.

Double offers a $99 audio kit, which maybe would help this, but since we hadn’t yet decided if the robot was a wise investment, it was too early to shell out for add-ons.

Worse, though all EmBot needs to live is power and and Wi-Fi, signal strength was proving to be a big problem. Double Robotics acknowledges this is the leadingissue among corporate customers, because most businesses don’t prioritize a strong signal in hallways. This doesn’t matter for humans, but these dead zones can make navigating an office impossible for robots.

So even as I was obsessing about freeing EmBot from the cage of WIREDs office, she seemed less and less reliable. Even when the Wi-Fi was strong, the video would freeze for no reason. I missed crucial information in meetings, only to later learn that everyone thought I was listening because EmBot had frozen with my face on the screen, trapped in a ridiculous expression of curiosity.

And then, this happened:

Diary Entry: Day 12 I am feeling so alone. Embot is in a coma. She didnt charge overnight. “Haha,” I played it cool over IM to Davey, who sits next to Embot and checked on her vital signs for me. She shoved Embot into her dock. I assume shes charging now, but I cant tell.

Diary Entry: Day 13

She remains cut off of me. Its like Embot is in the kind of coma where she cant move or speak or alert the doctors that she is alive but inside her head, she is screaming, LET ME OUT! IM HERE! DONT TURN ME OFF!

Ive called her doctors, or parents, or gods, DoubleRobotics, but theres no answer. Theyll get back to me in one business day.

If she ever wakes up again, I promise to give her a better life. To give her some freedom.

Diary Entry, Day 14

Embot just had a seizure. I was so happy when she woke up that I decided this was my big chance to sneak her out and onto the elevator. I eased her out of the dock and turned to the right, but immediately something was wrong: her head was shaking. Just a little a bit at first but then side to side violently, thrashing around, my field of vision swinging wildly, too fast to make out peoples faces. I tried turning her and found that she was still responding to me somewhat but she could not be still. She was like diabetic Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias, shaking out her beautiful wedding hair in Truveys salon.

I heard Chuck say, Oh no, youve woken EmBot like she was some kind of monster.

What is happening? Davey cried from her desk.

EmBot is having a seizure! I screamed into the computer. I dont know what to do!

As Embots camera panned quickly in front of Davey I saw her get up.

Can you put her in her dock? I asked, breathless.

She wont stop moving. She just keeps shaking.

I turned her off on my end, but Davey reported that she was still seizing on her own, face blank. She was like the body of a chicken, walking bloody around the yard after the chef cuts its head off. I implored Davey to find a button to turn her off. She did. She docked her. Shes docked now.

My heart wont stop beating. Maybe EmBot is corrupted and corroded and my time with her is over. Maybe EmBot is a monster. I feel like I just a had a seizure.

@EmilyDreyfuss FYI, Embots going crazy. Wandered out of its dock, now manically rolling back and forth.

Alex Davies (@adavies47) May 19, 2015

Were working on a fix. A coworker in San Francisco is logging into her, which normally would upset me, but Im so nervous I don’t care that another being enters her.

Im on the phone with Double Robotics, relaying what he finds.

He reports: On the screen it was shimmying back and forth, and I looked across the room and it looked like a wandering confused and dizzy child aimless and afraid. and alone. I left my screen and went over to see if I could help. I picked it up and smelled the wheels to see if it was on fire or anything then hurried back to my screen to put it in PARK. I may cover it in a sheet.

The Reckoning

Teaching my robot the hard lesson that she is not free http://pic.twitter.com/wen8MONbBm

— emily dreyfuss (@EmilyDreyfuss) May 21, 2015

After EmBot terrorized the office, nothing was the same. I relinquished my delusions of granduer. Double Robotics sent a new unit, and immediately upon activating it I knew it was not really EmBot. It rolls differently. Its speakers are quieter. It doesn’t connect to the Wi-Fi as well. It teeters differently on the carpet-edge. It’s not me. It’s just a robot. A robot I can’t trust.

I still use it, of course. Sure, It’s incredibly glitchy. Most weeks I have to write in our group chatroom, “SOS: EmBot is stranded somewhere between the dock and the IT department. Can someone rescue it?” It went through a phase where I couldn’t hear anything being said in meetings. Then for four days it was paralyzed, so needed to be picked up and carried everywhere. Now it does this thing where it clicks and hisses when the Wi-Fi connection struggles, setting an off-tempo jazz rhythm to every meeting.

It’s fine. I still prefer it to the speakerphone. It brings everyone in the office joy, even when it struggles. I get laughed at a lot from the iPad camera, but I like it. In a lot of ways, EmBot is a joke we are all in on together. Could we just set up an iPad in the conference room with FaceTime or Skype and achieve essentially the same thing? Sure. But where would be the fun in that, people? Where would be the soul-searching? Human life is short, and being a part-time, part-useful robot makes it ever so slightly more interesting.

Diary: Who Knows What Day, I’ve Lost Count

Joe carried EmBot to the head of the conference table for the edit meeting, because her Bluetooth connection isn’t working properly so I can’t control it. Sam asked, somewhere off-screen where I couldn’t see her, “Em, did you get new glasses?”

“No,” I spoke to the rest of the room, “my jerk cat knocked my glasses off the bedside table and I’m far too pregnant to crouch down low enough to get them, so I dug these out of a closet.”

“And that story,” someone from behind the robot said, “is the best argument in favor of having a robot. We would not have gotten to hear that if you were on the speakerphone.”

So, yes, as it turned out, most of the fears I had about becoming a part-time robot came true—it’s an unruly distraction that often makes me look ridiculous, that falls over and can’t be counted on—and yet my coworkers didn’t lose all respect for me. No, what happened was much more subtle and unexpected than that: EmBot lost her humanity. But I gained mine back.