#christmas dinner yesterday was nice too. definitely better than last year's | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dianight · 6 months ago

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I think I'm just tired.

Every other month I'll convince myself to look for a job/place with total seriousness and ignoring what has happened every previous time. And it's like. The math doesn't work. Too many hours, too little pay, rent too high, places too far. Not one of them, not "pick two/three", it's all of them. What are these numbers, how can one live like this?

Today I went shopping. There was gluten and lactose free pizzas. For 150% the prize of the nicer regular ones, with just ham and nonlactose cheese. I was looking for a new cereal, the one I was getting was 2,20 for 500g that lasted me an entire week. They weren't particularly nice, but hey it's breakfast (and sometimes dinner). Now they have wheat and all the ones that used to be gluten free also do. I got this one for 2,25 that are 400g, they'll last 4/5 days because they are bigger. Hey they have chocolate inside, yay...

For the past 2 years I've been looking for a job on and off, whenever I gather enough strength. I want to kill every single interviewer. It's always less pay or more hours than advertised, always minimum wage (or minimum they can pay by law, not the same) and always 40+ hours. Maybe it's a 9 hours shift, maybe 8 and a half. Maybe it's 6 days a week and you work 7 hours, when it isn't 8 or more. And I know I won't last on these jobs because it mentally hurts me to even think about it. I've worked with those (and worse!) conditions before and the explotation never ends. Not the marxist definition even, but the coloquial one. You think I'll get paid more if I have to stay extra hours or cover for someone or do some shit that is not even close to part of the job description? Obviously not!

Yesterday I went to bed a bit later than normal. I was practicing and then having dinner while just checking tumblr. As soon as I got into bed I hear screaming from outside (tourists), my neighbour decides to start some sort of argument with his wife(?) and I can hear the water inside the pipes from the floor above me. I want to get my own place so I can have some quiet. Some. Not asking for total silence or anything I just want to get in bed at 11pm and not have to meditate so I don't get worked up and rage making it impossible to sleep for hours.

At some point, like a couple years ago or so I had to explain to a (former)[<-foreshadowing] friend that apartments are anywhere from 2 to 3 times more expensive than when we were in university because he would not stop insisting that I was not "looking in the right places" and it took me looking for the exact places he lived at to finally convince him. Every time I look for places to rent the prices keep going up. Last year there were some really, really shitty flats for ~500€, now the lowest are going for 600. They are not even good! Just a fucking room with a bed (not a bedroom), open kitchen and bath. It's claustrophobic actually. And you know what? I wouldn't even mind it, but I'm not going to pay half my monthly salary just in rent. Adding utilities and groceries, I just won't make enough. Who the fuck is going to rent that place? If you are making enough to pay for that flat, you will want something better than a coffin with bath and kitchen.

Today I was grieving for a shirt. A shirt. It was just a black shirt, with like an image of Thor from the comics. I didn't even particularly like it or anything, I don't remember where it came from (a gift from a relative maybe?). I was in bed, meditating for a bit and somehow while checking my flannel shirts (one of them is too small(?) now) I remembered the Thor shirt. I lost it when I got kicked out by the english family I was staying with. They needed the room (in the garden btw, a cabin more like) that I was using and I got a week before christmas to find a place (I was working almost every day too) so I had to quickly pack what little belongings I had and there was some drying still and it was so fast that I guessed even then that I was going to miss some stuff. The shirt was not the only one, but I only remember that one. I've lost so many things over the years. And I was grieving for a random shirt.

Two years ago my boss made 30k in july. Me and 4 other coworkers were paid 1100€ to 1500€. She made even more in august. We got paid the same. There was one of the first days when I got told that we finished at midnight, as in physically close the doors and shut the gate. I was supposed to restock fridges and I didn't do it because I was too busy. Next day I get told off in the storage room by my boss because I can't just leave "without doing my job". With that attempt at an intimidating tone that a barely past meter and a half 70 year old lady can't really pull off. I managed to not laugh in her face and I explained that in order to restock fridges I need to not keep up with the tables and the bar until so late. She agreed, but in a way that made it clear she was expecting me to still do all of it. We worked 6 days a week too, roughly 9 hours every day (less on sunday). Once I made the math and if I left one hour early and arrived 10 minutes late every day I would still be working more than 40 hours a week. For almost minimum wage.

Today I was going over all the stuff I'd need were I to find a place and a job. I need some documents sorted out, new shoes, probably new clothes too. I realized that I only wear sweatpants since I haven't gone to any interview since may?/june? and the only surviving pants I had are some jeans that don't fit me anymore (ass too big, hips too wide). Documents, transportation (possibly), clothes. All of that costs money. I also have a list on my legendary notepad that I made the first time I moved to an actual place, not like renting a room. The usual kitchen, bathroom and utilities that you might (you will) need when you live by yourself. All of that costs money.

I haven't celebrated my birthday in more than a decade, probably since I got kicked out. Two years ago, exactly on my birthday, I got a discord message from some person that I didn't know. Not that unusual to be fair, but they were asking about my youtube channel. It had gotten terminated for "sexual content". I know exactly why: because youtube (like all western platforms) considers japanese games, specially visual novels, to be uniquely perverse and sexual. Not going to go on a rant (looking at bg3 with bestiality and shit like that) about double standards. But. It was, at the time, my one source of income. I was making 100-150€ per month by not doing much, so it was a nice help while searching for a job. And it was gone.

This morning I was deciding what to do. I had some lentils from this week but after seeing the pizzas (that I can eat) I decided to be nice to myself. I'll have the lentils tonight, maybe tomorrow? After lunch I didn't really feel like doing anything. I've been practicing this week and rest days are practice too. So what can I do. I've lost like a 95% of all the things I kept on my computer, I got some games and such. The steam folder survived somehow, but I really don't feel like playing. Harsh to admit it but games are not as fun as they were. I was chilling, meditating when I decided to put my thoughts into text see if it helps in any way. I don't know if it does.

I've been considering lately that I might be (clinically) depressed. Ultimately it does not matter, but I don't think I am. It is my understanding that it's got something to do with your brain and such. I am depressed (coloquially) because my every attempt (except one!) to improve my life has failed. If I think about the many tasks left to keep pretending to be human I get a bit overwhelmed. Not in the "too many things I can't get started" way but in the "I take smalls steps every day and something happens that negates all that effort out of nowhere". Unfair.

Outside of practicing, that can't really occupy my entire day anyway, the only think I look forward to every day is taking my hrt. I'm more happy that I can express that I was brave, and pushy, and relentless. I like myself more now, physically and mentally. It feels like the only thing that has gone completely right for me in the past 10 years, and it was a decision I took and executed pretty much with no help (as if I ever get help...). I still remember straight up telling my doctor "I am a transgender woman and I want to start hormones, what do I have to do?" (not exact words) and going from there. So scary.

I need to be impaled, to have my chest open and my heart ripped out and crushed in front of my eyes. Nothing else will work. I cannot and will not. Someone else has to be the one to end me. Because despite everything, I wake up and consider what am I going to do. And I try, and try and keep trying. Because there is nothing else to do. Because I have been hopeless for years and that had never had any impact whatsoever on me trying. Because I will keep at it until things get better or the universe goes cold. And even if things get better (will they ever?) I will keep going. Because I know nothing else.

I want a place for myself. I want to remove every single person that turned their back on me from my life. I want to do what I want. I don't mind working, I do believe that one needs to do their part on society. Enriching others should have no place in society. I want to not be constantly stressed. I want to be able to do everything I want, and I want to be able to do nothing at all. I want to kill every person that wronged me. With my bare hands. And my fangs. I don't want to lose my stuff, and the memories they carry. I want my efforts to be appreciated, instead of mocked, dismissed or trampled. I want to be worshipped. I want nothing to do with humans. I want to be understood, even for the briefest moment, just once. I want to be alive. Forever.

#dia talks #toxic

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carolmunson · 2 years ago

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vacation diaries - entry three

eddie keeps a journal while at the inn with you in northern indiana. a blurb series starting from the first morning after ’before there was a before’. entries: one, two

warning: minors dni, 18+, adult themes, references to smut, references to ejaculation/hand stuff. mulling about issues in relationships. some angst. some fluff.

what a day we had yesterday, considering i had no idea what to do. i haven't been up here since i was a kid, and we only went once or twice cause some girlfriend wayne had liked coming up here in the summer. there's like, three feet of snow everywhere you turn now. can't really take her to the dunes or anything, or the beach. it's freezing. but, in true munson fashion, i figured it out because i had to.

there's this mansion out here that's definitely more fun during halloween but they still had their christmas stuff up and running, so i took her to this little tour of it. can't believe i love someone so much that i can overlook her preferring christmas over halloween. she was so excited. she kept looking over at me and smiling and i felt like i was in grade school. like i'm on some fucking field trip with my crush.

i never forget how cute she is, but there was something about her today. when it got dark she asked if we could maybe go look at some christmas lights since steve didn't couldn't take her this year. that had always been their thing, he'd make them both hot chocolate in little thermoses and take her out in the nice part of town where they do it really big. it's probably the only thing he's better at making than me. i absolutely am mad about it but i never want him to tell me because i love the little wink he gives me whenever i ask how he does it.

i miss that fucking asshole.

anyway.

we went on a little drive and looked at lights but subbed the hot chocolate for drive thru coffee. lucky us because we found a drive-in and she begged me to stop even though she didn't have to. i'd literally drive into a ditch if she asked me. they only had 'it's a wonderful life' playing and it was half way through when we got there but since the place was mostly empty they let us stay. got her some snacks and we got settled in the back with the doors open. i haven't kissed on a girl like that since i was seventeen. almost completely ruined my jeans.

we stopped back at that diner from yesterday for dinner and i swear to ozzy it was better than where we went last night. no one does a cheeseburger like a shitty midwest diner. it hurt but i did give her the pickle it came with. i ate half of her fries to make it even.

she got a chocolate milkshake. sometimes she's so cute that it makes me mad. (i was sort of mad that she didn't share it with me). i think she's afraid to act like a kid around steve. i don't mean the whole daddy thing, but i think she's afraid to indulge in stuff that seems immature because she doesn't want him to look down on her. like she's nervous that if she's not doing what she thinks he wants that he'll be mad, but i think he'd prefer to see her like this. maybe he's just so caught up in throwing out his own childhood that she thinks she has to do it too. i don't think i've ever seen him order something fun off a menu just because. he barely even eats pancakes.

we stayed outside for a while, laying in the back of the van with the doors open just to look at the stars out here. it was cold as fuck but she put her hand in my coat pocket just to hold mine. i think our hands will end up fused together like some cronenberg monstronsity by the time we get back to hawkins (very metal). she knows all the constellations and where all the planets are. i didn't know that about her. can you believe that? she's been around since '89 and i didn't know she knew all this shit about the stars. i feel like i'm meeting her for the first time every day that we're up here.

we made out again last night before we went to bed, did some hand stuff. i've never cum so fast in my fucking life and she said she was sorry. i asked if she ever even knew what she was saying sorry for anymore. and she just said 'i'm always sorry, just in case'. i know she hates being hot in bed, but i couldn't let go of her last night. i don't want her to be sorry anymore. i just want her to be okay.

-ed

#the steddieverse #vacation diaries

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folerdetdufoler · 3 years ago

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What are Magic 8ball Evak doing today? I miss them.

hey, sorry, you sent this a few weeks ago i think and i really got hung up on it.

usually this kind of thing would be fun to think about but because of the way time works i didn’t know how to write around it! like, when you sent it it was late august, and technically that had like, just happened in the story. we’d just had a late august, so i couldn’t figure out if i should write another “late august day” almost a year after the story finished, even though i only finished the story back in april. that felt like too much of a time jump though, and i hadn’t given isak and even enough time to grow after the story ended. someone else had asked for an update in the comments on ao3 and i couldn’t give them one, not the same way i have been doing for mondays. but i do want to do something, so…

even’s birthday fell on a sunday. it was the first one isak would be celebrating with him, so isak wanted it to be special. but so did sigrid, and she worked faster than him. she invited them to their house for dinner months in advance, which annoyed even. the saturday before, when they were all hanging out at elias’s apartment, even spent most of the time grumbling about it.

“i thought things were getting better with you guys?” elias asked from his throne.

even sighed. “yeah, i mean, we’re fine. this guy is her new bff.” even patted the head of curls sitting against the couch between his legs. “but i just know it’s going to be this over-the-top thing that i don’t want to have to deal with on my birthday of all days. i don’t want that attention.”

isak paused the race he was playing against mikael and whipped around. “you love the attention.”

“yours, not hers.” even gave that same head a correcting tap and isak returned to the game. “if she actually wanted to celebrate my birthday with me then she would ask me what i would like to do, and then maybe it would be something i would enjoy.”

isak scoffed but didn’t pause the game this time. “if she did that you would just tell her to leave you alone.”

“happy birthday to me!”

“then you should just tell her no, you don’t want to spend your birthday with her.” elias doled out the reasonable and obvious advice.

“i would have, but she invited both of us and isak accepted immediately. besides, it’s kind of a regular thing now, sunday dinners.”

“that’s cute,” mutta noted as he walked in from the kitchen with a bag of pretzels and jar of peanut butter. mikael pointed to the coffee table, a silent command to place the snack within his reach.

isak felt a little guilty then, but he kept it to himself. they kept playing their game until it was mutta’s turn, and then isak pushed himself to his feet. he gestured to even to follow him to the kitchen.

even had a big smile on his face as they stepped away, because he was probably thinking isak wanted to kiss him in the privacy of another room. isak did pull him in close by the waist, but it wasn’t for kisses. “we can skip tomorrow,” he offered instead.

even froze for a second, but then shook his head. “no, no, we can go. i would only make it worse by skipping.”

“i would be happy to tell her we’re skipping but take her out to dinner on her own another night, smooth things over.”

even chuckled. “i absolutely love that you feel comfortable having one-on-one dates with my mother but it’s really not necessary. I’m just…complaining. and i’ll complain a little bit more in therapy, and then i’ll work through why i’m complaining and then i’ll be in a better mood for tomorrow. okay?” he reached up and rubbed isak’s shoulders in reassurance.

“will you tell me about it when you get home?” sometimes even shared what they’d talked about and sometimes he didn’t. isak was getting better about asking permission to cross the ever-changing border.

even’s eyes shifted to the side. “it depends on what we dig up.”

isak accepted this. “okay.” he leaned in to kiss even’s cheek, physically changing the subject. “my next question is…how angry do you think elias will be if i steal the big pillows?”

―――

isak had moved into even’s apartment right before christmas, hauling bags and suitcases back and forth over a few days until most of his belongings were at even’s. he fit a desk and his nice chair in the bedroom, and somehow all of his clothes fit in even’s closet. the giant pillows he’d bought had stayed at elias’s apartment, mostly because they would get more use there; the boys still gathered on saturdays and needed the extra seating. but after even left for therapy this was isak’s chance to make the steal without ruining his surprise.

mikael helped him carry them to even’s apartment, since he was ready to leave around the same time as isak. they didn’t talk much on the walk over, but isak knew that that was mikael’s preferred level of communication, and they were both comfortable with it. isak would much prefer a mikael at peace than a mikael ready to launch an attack.

they deposited the pillows in the living room and mikael turned to leave. “we should be here at six?” he asked over his shoulder.

“yeah. i don’t know how late we’ll be but if we leave early then that would be a good time.”

“okay. and elias still has his key?”

“yup.” isak followed mikael down the stairs to their shoes.

“aight. we’ll see you tomorrow then.” mikael offered his hand for a casual slap-shake goodbye, the most physical intimacy isak had ever experienced with him.

“thanks for the help!”

mikael disappeared. isak went back upstairs to find his phone and finalize plans with kari anne in the group chat.

―――

isak dressed nicely for dinners at sigrid & jan’s house. this time he had a red fair isle sweater and dark wash jeans, and some chunky socks keeping his feet warm in his leather boots. even wore something very similar, but his sweater was cream with a different pattern. “do you think she’ll want to take pictures of us again?” even wondered while he combed back his hair, then gently mussed it into a style.

“of course. it’s your birthday. and we look handsome.” isak was applying a dot of concealer just because he could, though he would have to ask emma for more if he wanted to keep up this routine. even put his comb bak in the drawer then leaned in to kiss isak on his opposite cheek. he added a smack to his ass on the way out.

isak liked to dress up a bit because it felt like sigrid and jan dressed up too. it was the polite thing to do, but also isak knew that conversation would flow better if they were all on the same page, even with their appearance. they were all putting the same level of effort into the gathering, and then no one would feel out of place. and it wasn’t too much extra effort, because they would just save the same outfits for work the next day…as long as they didn’t get any stains on them.

they gathered their outerwear as they walked down the stairs, pulling hats and scarves and heavy coats from the hooks along the walls. isak checked in with even right before they left. “are you sure?”

even nodded and smiled and isak didn’t doubt the honesty of his response. he’d shared that his session yesterday had gone well, and they’d talked about certain behaviors from sigrid and himself that he wanted to avoid. “like i’ve been remembering things she’s said and reacting to those instead of what she’s actually doing now. when i feel ready to discuss those past…transgressions, then i need to have a conversation specifically about those moments, versus whatever might be triggering those memories now, whether they’re related or not. otherwise it’s kind of like these mixed messages. she won’t understand what’s actually upsetting me.”

on the way over isak suggested a dinner with just his parents, where isak stayed home. “would it be easier, or give you more of an opportunity to discuss those things without me there?”

“maybe another time. sundays are nice with you.” he gave isak’s hand a squeeze.

they held hands in public now, while they were commuting to work or grocery shopping or walking over to elias’s or meeting emma for dinner. if isak happened to catch a stranger’s curious look, he might tense up a bit, but he didn’t let go anymore.

sigrid & jan’s house was a tiny thing that they’d moved into after even went to university. its yard was bigger than the actual house, but it was completely filled with jan’s garden. another nice thing about going to visit was that they always came home with plenty of seasonal crops. and in the winter it was usually canned fruits, jams, or pickled veggies. sigrid greeted them with big hugs and jan immediately presented two very small jars of “blackberry jam! i got just enough off of that bush at the back.”

“i thought it had died!” even exclaimed, the genuine shock and delight at the gift lifting his voice.

“it’s definitely on its last legs…uh, roots.”

“he was out there every day scouring the brambles.” sigrid shook her head but she was clearly proud of his efforts. then she took isak’s hand and pulled him to the kitchen. even and jan went to the tall closet at the back of the living room where jan stored his jars. “you both look so cozy today. remind me to take a picture later.” she brought him to the stove where she had two large pots simmering. she pointed to one. “i need you to blend that while i get this bread finished.”

“what is it?”

“that’s butternut squash, and this…is a ministrone. kind of. i’ve taken some liberties.”

isak picked up the immersion blender that was sitting next to the stove. sigrid had gotten it started but it was still chunky in spots. while he stood there and mixed the soup she sliced a loaf of bread and laid it out on a baking tray. each slice got a thick spread of butter. isak stepped to the side so she could open the oven and slide the tray in for a quick broil.

she flicked her eyes toward the living room and then leaned toward isak’s chest. “how has he been?”

sigrid asked this question every time they were together. isak had thought it was just general curiosity about the new relationship, but once isak revealed that to even he had rolled his eyes. she was asking isak because it was the nervous curiosity that even had tried to distance himself from years ago. eventually he told his mother to stop using isak to get answers about her own son. that turned into an argument where sigrid nearly started crying about how even wouldn't answer her so she had no choice. she excused herself from the table and jan was left to host the boys through the rest of a very quiet dinner.

at this point isak was comfortable pushing back to defend even’s boundary. “sigrid, you know i’m not going to speak for him. how’s this, is it smooth enough?”

she glanced into the pot. “yes, that looks good.” isak’s deflection seemed to work. “now grab some bowls from the shelf for me please. thank goodness he found a tall one to bring home,” she muttered to herself. isak blushed but easily picked four bowls from up high.

even and jan came to the kitchen shortly after, with jan still talking as they headed to the table. isak passed them the silverware and glasses to set out at each seat. then he helped sigrid carry the pots to the table. before she sat down she dropped a kiss on the crown of even’s head. “how are you doing?” she asked as casually as she could as she moved to her chair. isak sat on the other side of the table, so the couples could look at each other directly. isak studied even as he answered.

“i’m fine, mamma. a little nervous about pappa’s grand scheme over here, but everything else is okay.” isak couldn’t hear any tension in his voice so he relaxed a little bit.

“oh, is he trying to get you on his side about buying a van?”

“how else will i transport my vegetables, sigrid?” jan sounded exasperated by her skepticism.

“dearest, you don’t even have the stall permit yet. don’t put the cart—excuse me, the van—before the horse.”

“catch me up?” isak requested of the table in general. jan gleefully started from the beginning with his grand plan to join the farmer’s market that summer, with the full list of his crops and ideas for clever names for his backyard farm.

most of dinner was spent discussing this great undertaking, with even contributing creative enthusiasm and sigrid sprinkling it all with caution and logic. then they pivoted to jan’s work at the office, and how he found his attention shifting so easily in the warmer months. jan and sigrid lived comfortably and were starting to entertain plans for retirement. that led to talking about the cabin, which turned into the perfect segue by the time they were clearing the table for dessert.

Isak fetched smaller plates from an even higher shelf, and even clapped when sigrid revealed his cake. it was a tall layer cake draped in swirls of light blue icing. there were six candles on top and even’s name written in a shaky, dark blue script. “do you remember that picture you put in the folder for me? the close-up of his face?” sigrid asked isak. he nodded. every few weeks he picked a photo (with even’s approval) from his phone and uploaded it as a wordless update for his parents. that one had been from early december, when they went out for lunch on a random tuesday, just to get some sunlight. “i zoomed in on his eyes and picked the blue color from there.” sigrid twisted to even and cupped his cheeks with her small hands. even leaned into the adoring gesture and those blue eyes crinkled up with a smile. they shared a silent moment of connection and then she released him to stand in front of her chair. isak stood up too. jan struck a match to light the candles.

even laughed and gamely clapped while they sang the birthday song. he watched isak spin around with a little flare, and isak genuinely enjoyed performing something he used to roll his eyes at. then even paused to make a wish and blew out the candles. isak knew he would ask him what he wished for later.

the cake was delicious, and they each had two slices. even tried to flick icing across the table at isak but sigrid threatened him with a spoon. “if you get icing on my wall you are cleaning it up, birthday boy.” even agreed to those terms and kept trying. then jan left the table for the bedroom, and returned by sliding a tall, skinny cardboard box through the kitchen. it had a blue bow stuck on top, which was enough, since it would’ve taken an obscene amount of wrapping paper to cover the whole thing.

“eh?” even stood to look at the box.

“happy birthday, dearest.” sigrid looked very proud of the gift and was enjoying even’s puzzlement. jan stepped back and let even walk around it. they had to hold it at the top so it wouldn’t fall over.

“it’s heavy….” even’s eyes scanned each side. “is…did you get me a bed?” he gripped the box to turn it around, showing sigrid and isak the diagram on the other side. it was, in fact, a bed. “thank you,” even whispered, without much conviction.

“it looks like a nice bed,” isak added, coming around the table to look at the dimensions. “we can get the guys to help us carry it upstairs.”

“oh no! no!” sigrid nearly yelled. “it’s not for—it’s for the cabin. you don’t have to carry it anywhere. pappa and i will take it up on our next trip and build it in your room, so now you’ll have a proper bed for when you and isak visit. i didn’t want those flimsy beds from when you were a kid stopping you from staying in ålesund.”

even’s face relaxed as his mother explained and the bed made more sense. he leaned the box against the nearest counter edge and moved around it to give sigrid a hug. “thank you,” he said again, with actual gratitude. “that’s such a lovely gesture for the both of us.” he pressed a heavy kiss on sigrid’s cheek and isak saw her squeeze her eyes closed. she was going to cry. she let out a tiny gasp when even pulled back. he went to jan to give him a hug as well, and sigrid turned away from them to hide her tears. but isak stepped in and opened his arms for a hug as well, and she fell into his chest and let loose against his sweater.

“thank you, sigrid. that means so much to us.” he rubbed her back to calm her down. “let us know when you’d like a family vacation and we’ll try to clear our schedules for it, okay?” her blonde hair scratched at his chin as she nodded. isak knew it was a big promise, committing to a vacation with his boyfriend’s parents, but that seemed to be the least they could do since they bought them a bed. aside from the literal comfort they were providing, it felt like a grander statement since the gift would serve both of them. isak felt like it was his birthday too.

when even and his father separated, jan peeled off the bow and stuck it to even’s chest. they shared a low chuckle, and then jan slid the box back to the bedroom where it had been hiding. “you know, if we have a van, it will be a lot easier to transport this up there!” he sang as he left. isak let go of sigrid and spun into even’s arms. she plucked a napkin off the table to wipe at her tears while isak was crushed into a hug with the bow.

“we’ll keep the little mattresses, of course. you never know when elias and mutta and mikael want to come for a visit too. but yes, this will be a nicer frame for you both.”

“it’s such a thoughtful gift, mamma. thank you so much.”

“you know…i thought of it as soon as you came back from your first trip, when you brought back the clean sheets and blanket. it might’ve been presumptuous but if…if isak was having a nice time then i thought he might want to come back, and then i wanted it to be ready, and you two could have your own space.”

isak laughed as he pulled out of even’s hug. he kept to his side though, and wrapped an arm around even’s waist. “you were very right to presume. though i suspect i would’ve had a wonderful time even if i had to sleep on the floor.”

sigrid looked horrified when he suggested such a crime, but that just made even laugh. jan reappeared. “oh i forgot to bring these out.” he was carrying a colorful quilt and coordinating linens, also with a blue bow on top. even let go of isak to accept them, and both boys admired the pattern.

“pappa helped me pick those out. they were on sale after christmas. oh, and if you bring them back to the city to wash, you could just use them on your regular bed too. everything fits.” sigrid returned to her pleased homemaker attitude, with any remaining tears in her eyes only there out of pride. she’d surprised her son with a useful and enjoyable gift, that doubled as a reason for him to visit her at the cabin. it was a very successful birthday dinner.

―――

they enjoyed a little bit of champagne in the living room before they left, relaxing on the couches and catching up on the skiing gossip from sigrid and jan’s most recent trip. isak disclosed that he hasn’t skied since he was very young, which sent even giggling, picturing his boyfriend flying down the slopes. “this might be even better than my skateboarding fantasy.” luckily neither sigrid nor jan inquired further into what that fantasy actually was.

when isak noticed the time was getting close to seven he made the gentle suggestion to head home. sigrid and jan were happy to let them go, having enjoyed the whole bottle together and noting their earlier bedtime now that they were getting older. but she also demanded photos once they were standing, so isak took a few pictures of even with his parents and then jan took a few of isak and even alone. they had to brainstorm a way to take a picture of all four of them together, but then sigrid cleared a small space on the fireplace mantle to rest a phone. Even set the timer, they lined up with the boys in the middle, and they wrapped their arms around each other. they smiled.

after another round of hugs and kisses they bundled up and went home. isak carried the new linens in an oversized shopping tote over his shoulder. “that went well, yes?” isak looked over to see even nodding into his scarf. he pressed the button for their stop.

“it was really lovely. i had to, like, constantly remind my brain to not interpret what she was saying negatively, but that’s…what i’m supposed to be doing.” they stepped off the bus carefully, navigating the packed snow on the sidewalk. “maybe after a few more visits it will be less of a conscious effort. but even as it was, i enjoyed myself. i liked seeing you with my parents.”

“speaking of me with your parents, i kind of promised sigrid we would go on a family vacation with her to ålesund.”

isak could barely hear the chuckle underneath the scarf but it was there. “i think that was a given. that was the whole point of the bed. it was quite clever on mamma’s part.”

“mm,” isak agreed. “so we’ll have to start looking at our schedules. and now we have the weekend farmer’s market to take into account.”

even’s laugh was louder and drew his mouth up above the warm wool. “he really has leaned into his gardening in the last year, jesus. if you had asked me five years ago what hobby i thought my dad would pick up next, i never would’ve thought ‘fruits and vegetables.’”

“forget hobbies; he’s halfway to his own business.”

they approached their building. isak had his own key now, and he unlocked the first door for them.

“what are you thinking about?”

isak was thinking about the surprise that was waiting for them upstairs, feeling nervous that he didn’t have any texts with updates, even though he didn’t ask for any. but he quickly thought up a work excuse that would explain his distance. “um, how maybe someone from jakob’s team might be interested in profiling jan. has there been a surge of home gardens lately? what’s the process for joining a farmer’s market? how profitable is it to bring produce into the city from a farm versus urban, hyperlocal crops? what resources are there for farmers when it comes to direct-to-consumer sales?” he felt ridiculous spitting out these ideas because they were rushing out without a filter yet they sounded somewhat legitimate. he really should be putting these questions in a voice memo, but even was climbing the stairs in front of him and that was…well that took priority.

the bag of linens landed with a light thump on top of isak’s pile of shoes. they removed their outerwear slowly as they climbed, hanging everything back up. isak listened for noises but didn’t hear anything over the shuffle of their own clothes. there wasn’t any light coming through under the door. and even��even was still undressing. isak reached up and tugged at his belt. “what are you doing?” he hissed. even threw his sweater and undershirt over his shoulder, and they skimmed isak’s head as they fluttered down the steps.

“getting naked. wanna help?” even was still climbing and his hands were at his belt buckle.

“even, no!” isak was torn between holding his boyfriend back and trying to reach for his shirt, while also not pulling them both down the stairs.

“what…what’s going on? you love when i get naked.”

isak blushed, praying whoever was on the other side of the door was far enough away to not hear them. maybe they were hanging out in the living room. even undid his belt but he did stop climbing to look at isak.

“do you want me to blow you down there?” he pointed down to the graffiti door and isak was going to melt from the flames burning his neck.

“shut up, no, just….” he stumbled down the steps to fetch the sweater and chucked it back up at even. “put this back on. we can’t be naked.”

“why not?” even was seriously confused but he did as isak asked. “we always get naked.”

isak pinched the bridge of his nose. “not tonight, okay babe?”

even dropped his sweater and his jaw. “is this…is this the first time you’re saying ‘no’ to a fuck?”

“even! i’m not—that’s not what this is. just please put your clothes back on until…until later or something.”

even reached into the pocket of his sagging pants and pulled out his phone. “i need to document this. for the record.” he snapped a photo of isak staring up at him with an annoyed look on his face. “this was the first time isak denied me.” even snorted. “it looks like you’re about to give me a very angry blowjob though.” he showed isak the photo.

if he weren’t so frustrated by the situation, isak would’ve laughed. that’s exactly what the photo looked like with that angle. unfortunately isak’s face just made even want to persuade him even more, so even tucked his phone under his chin and promptly shoved his pants down to his ankles. he was wearing bright red boxer briefs and he shook his ass in isak’s face. then, before isak could get a grip on his body, sexual or otherwise, even waddled up the few remaining steps and reached for the door. isak screamed, “NO!” at the same time as their kitchen, full of friends and coworkers, screamed “SURPRISE!” at a nearly naked even.

maja screamed, marius howled, and mikael took approximately 50 photos, the flash of his phone camera lighting up the kitchen like a red carpet. isak was so embarrassed he sank down behind even’s legs. even laughed and made no move to get dressed.

“pull up your motherfucking pants even! i came here for your birthday, not a peep show.” kari anne's booming voice had a hint of a laugh in it.

it did not occur to isak until just then that all of their friends were not just seeing even in his underwear—they were seeing even’s boner in his underwear. so despite isak’s desire to melt into a puddle right there on the steps, he now felt enough possessiveness to lunge forward and pull up even’s pants from behind. it was a challenge to dress someone blind, especially when that someone was a giggly, wriggly mess. isak got a flash of the kind of future where he was getting a toddler dressed, but he had no time for that future right then. he got even’s jeans up to his butt and then he had to forcibly turn his boyfriend around in order to navigate his bulge.

“looks like dinner with the parents went well, then!” elias shouted out, making everyone laugh again and isak’s cheeks turn an impossible red.

“oh, babe.” even finally noticed isak’s general struggle. he took over with his pants and hefted them up to his waist. “i’m sorry. i should have listened to you. but this was amazing and hilarious. are you okay?” he buttoned his jeans and cupped isak’s jaw.

isak was still too flustered to say anything. his eyes darted from even’s face to the gleeful faces behind him, checking to see who was still laughing. “come on, bedroom.” even started walking isak backward toward the privacy of their bedroom. “five minutes!” he announced to everyone else.

“i thought you only needed two!” someone else shouted back.

―――

the laughter and voices faded as soon as the door closed. isak spun around and flopped himself on the bed face first. “surprise,” he mumbled. even collapsed on top of him, blanketing him with rough denim and warm skin.

“this was the best surprise ever. i’m sorry i embarrassed you with my penis.” even added a little thrust as if that would convey sincerity. the heat that flushed isak’s cheeks now was a slightly different kind. even nuzzled his face against isak’s cheek and gave him a few kisses. “i’ll get dressed and we can hang out with my favorite people.”

even pushed up and went to the closet. he swapped out his jeans for grey sweatpants and put on a white t-shirt. isak kept his jeans but opted for a clean white t-shirt too. even swept isak into a hug before they went through the door. “i love you in general and i love you for this. thank you for such a nice gift, and the perfect way to relax after the family dinner.” he squeezed across isak’s back and then shifted his head in for a kiss. isak demanded tongue as part of even’s apology and he got it, a nice open, wet kiss that tasted like champagne. even grunted when they parted. “um, yes. friends first, but then we’re definitely revisiting the naked thing.”

isak agreed with an aggressive grip on even’s ass. even kissed his way out of it and wiggled toward the door.

the kitchen roared with another greeting when they appeared, birthday wishes thrown from every direction. even opened his arms and accepted all of them with a wide smile. “thank you all for coming. this is such a fun surprise, and i clearly had no idea.”

“it was a fun surprise for us as well,” kari anne smirked.

“since we’re all here and there is a grotesque amount of alcohol behind mutta, have we agreed to absolutely ruin our sunday night?” another cheer went up. isak moved around even to get to the counter by mutta.

as requested, everyone bought the alcohol isak had assigned them and paid for. he couldn’t bring much into the apartment on his own without raising suspicion, so he spread out the drinks, food, and decorations among their friends. maja and marius picked up a cake from a bakery on their side of town. mutta and kari anne brought most of the alcohol. sana and yousef brought food from mamma bakkoush, enough to last them at least a week. elias and mikael were on decorations & entertainment duty. their friends had started drinking, as was to be expected when you’re trapped in an apartment for a couple of hours. since everyone had helped themselves to the juice and ice in the fridge, isak didn’t bother with setting anything else up. he searched for sana in the small crowd, who was chatting with mikael by the entrance to the hallway. when he caught her eye he nodded a question and she held up a full glass in response. with her taken care of he mixed up a dark & stormy for even.

“here you go, babe.” he only interrupted even’s conversation with marius and maja to put the cup in his hand. then he went back to the counter to assess the food. yousef joined him to point out the options.

“all of even’s favorites. mamma didn’t leave the kitchen all morning. this…this tray is okay. these two should be reheated a bit.”

“okay, thanks.” isak reached over to start the oven.

“and this we actually eat cold sometimes, so it would be fine as is.”

they figured out the food and then isak moved on to the living room. everyone was still in the kitchen, so isak got to see the decoration efforts as intended. streamers looped colorfully from even’s shelves, carefully taped as to not disturb his toys. balloons hovered at the ceiling, their strings becoming vines that dusted isak’s shoulders. on the coffee table was a pile of markers and a large brown envelope. he went right to the envelope to see what was inside. “yesssss.” isak dumped out the contents and spread them out. he had found ten particularly embarrassing photos, a mix of recent shots from isak and childhood ones from sigrid, that he’d ordered temporary tattoos of. he had a good feeling that this group was going to get very creative with the placement. in the very least he knew exactly where he wanted a tattoo of even on his own body. he practically skipped back out to the kitchen to get water and a sponge.

everyone had started eating, so isak joined the queue for a little bit of the bakkoush cuisine. no matter how full they were, isak and even would always make room for mamma’s food. isak refreshed even’s drink and then led some people into the living room to eat, for more seating. even stayed in the kitchen at the table with sana, yousef, and kari anne.

maja screamed again when she saw the tattoos. she and marius abandoned their food immediately and took the sponge to the bathroom. three minutes later marius returned with at least four evens plastered across his face. then he dared mikael to do even more. after that, it was chaos.

elias tried to tie a balloon to the back of sana’s hijab. kari anne was the first one to get a tattoo of even on her ass cheek. mutta and mikael started doing shots, and marius and maja were caught making out in the stairwell when it was time to break open the markers on the door. their defense was that maja could stand on one step above marius and they would be a closer height for kissing.

“like my apartment is the only place with steps, get the fuck out.” isak shoved marius against the door. but that’s exactly where everyone stayed. they all shared the markers and wrote silly birthday messages to even on the door, reading old ones and laughing, and recording new jokes that they now all shared. the graffiti door was due for an update and everyone got a chance to leave their mark. isak made sure no one wrote over his original “shithead,” and he added a couple more questionable names wherever they fit.

unfortunately marius convinced maja to paint her lips with marker ink and kiss the door, but then she was stuck with deep purple lips. sana immediately dragged her up to the bathroom to start exfoliating. isak had to console maja from the doorway. “i’ll get emma to give me some lipsticks that would cover it up if it doesn’t come off.”

“matte,” sana instructed.

isak opened his recording app and noted that: “matte lipsticks from emma for maja.”

“anything from a maroon to a magenta should cover it up.” isak added that. “in the meantime, here, you can use this.” sana pulled a tube of lipstick out of her small crossbody bag and opened a drawer. she plucked an alcohol wipe from where even kept them next to the tweezers and cleaned off the tube and used lipstick. she handed it to maja and maja looked like she was about to cry from the gesture. sana nipped it in the bud with a glare and a single finger held up in maja’s face. “just be glad your friends are so clean.”

isak blushed, assuming sana knew that they had those wipes to clean their toys. but then marius burst into the bathroom, shoving isak aside. “baby, it looks like we just kissed too hard for a little bit. ‘cheer up! a hickey from kenickie is like a hallmark card,’” he quoted in his best american accent. this actually made maja cry so isak excused himself and went to get more alcohol.

eventually yousef was tasked with getting mutta and mikael home. marius gave maja a piggy back ride down four flights of stairs and across the city. they found kari anne had removed her pants and crawled into their bed, so they left her there. sana, even, and elias collapsed onto the couch and giggled their way through a nonsense conversation the way siblings do. isak put the food away, got water for them all, and then joined them on the floor with his giant pillows. even found grease on the tv and they watched and sang along with the few bits they knew. then isak fell asleep, his fingers wrapped lightly around even’s ankle and his head resting against even’s knee.

#magic eight ball #SO SORRY if the cut doesn't work #skam fic #kerrywrites #i swear to god i AM writing it's just taking me forever #and this could've been a lot longer but i'm not going to test tumblr's patience with that

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mindofharry · 4 years ago

Text

here’s some vampire harry!!!!! pls treat him with the love and respect he deserves <3

“Honey, this is just water under the bridge” Your mother, Joanne, reassured you. She placed a rogue piece of hair behind your ear. You were both sitting on your bed, cuddling like you were 10 years old again. Getting fired, from your dream job for no apparent reason at all has basically broken you. Your mother is trying to reassure you, that it was meant to happen - that everything happens for a reason. You just want your job back.

“We’ll start job hunting again, next week. Ok?” Joanne said, you sighed and rolled over on your sighed. Your mum rubbed your back and took all the dirty cups from your room with her as she left your room.

You tried to sleep, to try and forget everything that had just happened that afternoon. But, your mind was occupied and too busy. So you decided you better start looking for some jobs, even interviews. Even though you still live with your mum, you still need money. Not just for yourself, but your mum too. All the money that comes into the house is coming from you and the jobs you have. You were finally comfortable with money, for the first in your life. But the world just really hated you at the moment.

You walk over your desk and sit down, opening up the second hand laptop you bought yourself for christmas. It’s nothing special like a mac, but it does the job. Once you’re logged in, you open google and type in ‘JOBS IN MY AREA’. You didn’t go to college and you barley passed high school, you’ll be lucky if you even get a job at the local book store.

You needed to stop this, punishing yourself. It’s not your fault, you remind yourself.

Nearly falling asleep at your desk, you decided to head to bed. Tomorrow will be better.

Tomorrow is not better. It’s worse than yesterday. You couldn’t even bare to open your laptop after being so disappointed last night. And you’re mum kept trying to reassure you, but you felt responsible for this.

Your mum couldn’t work, she’s not well and she’s in denial about it. She goes to AA meetings and talks with therapists, but she just can’t stay sober. You’ve tried to get her into working, but she manages to fuck it up everytime. Your mum is good mother, she took care of you and did the best she could. But sometimes you just wished she’d just stay sober, for even a week. So you could be a normal 19 year old, go out for drinks and hang out with friends. But you know she’s not a normal mum. And that’s something you just have to live with.

“Morning, love” Joanne said sipping on her ‘tea’. You knew it was alcohol so you gave her a pointed look.

She sighed and poured the drink down the sink. “Good, now go brush your teeth and we can talk” you say pulling your hair up. You mother shook her head and sighed. “I’m the mum here, Y/N. Don’t treat me like i’m the teenager” she said and you laughed. Really? This is how today’s going to go? the universe really hates me, you thought.

“You just hid vodka from me mum” you say and she sighed walking over and kissing your temple. “I’m sorry, ok? I’m trying, lovey” she said and you could tell how hard she was trying to keep together. you nodded and smiled, this was going to be a good day. Bite your tongue, Y/N.

“Yeah, i know. Now go get ready, i need help job hunting” you say and she nodded making her way out of the kitchen and up to her room. You sighed and put the kettle on. You walked into the pantry and took the vodka she had opened and poured it down the sink. Let’s see how long it takes her to notice.

You sat down with your cup of tea and one for your mum, opening up the paper and your laptop.

When your mum came back in, she looked a lot nicer and healthier. The shower did her good.

“So i saw someone looking for an assistant on facebook” Your mum said logging into her facebook on your laptop. You smiled to yourself, she really cared about you. “His name is harry i think, something along the lines of needing someone to sort out his schedule which you’re pretty good at” she said showing you the post. A few, actually a lot, of people had already liked the post and there was people sharing their CVs in the comments begging for a chance. You didn’t have the heart to tell your mum that this person wasn’t going to accept you.

“I mean, you can apply for other jobs but i think it’s perfect for you” She said biting her nip nervously. You nodded smiling in reassurance. “Yeah, it’s perfect mum. Thank you, i’ll try and get an interview. I also found a cleaning job too, so that’s good. Both jobs look like they pay well” you say with a shrug.

Joanne nodded and kissed your temple. “You’ll get a job. Don’t worry about it.”

After sending your CV to multiple possible bosses, you shut your laptop and turn your phone off of silent. Job hunting is a pain in the ass and exhausting, all you can do now is make lunch and hope for the best.

You were braiding your mothers hair when you got the call. You were both having a girly night as your mum hadn’t drank a sip of alcohol all day, it was definitely something to celebrate.

“Is this Y/N L/N i’m speaking with?” the voice asked, he sounded so bright and chipper. And he was irish too.

“This is her! how can i help you?” you asked and the man cleared his throat and paused for a second. “I’m offering you a job. the job” he said and you almost dropped your phone. You put it on your leg, on speaker so your mum could hear and you could multitask. You brushed the ends of your mum hair and let out a shaky breath.

“Do i need to come in for an interview?”

“Well, me and the boss would like to get to know you, get a feel of how you work on your own and with help. just like a test run, but if i’m being honest the is yours” he said and you could almost cry. “You’re exactly the kind of person Harry, my boss is looking for Y/N” he said.

“I’m niall by the way, i’m harry’s personal assistant” Niall said and you smiled.

“Well, when can i come in?”

After settling some stuff with Niall, who is kind of your boss too you were free to hang up. your mum squealed and pulled you into the tightest hug ever. “I told you, everything happens for a reason! you were exactly who they were looking for, babe” your mother said caressing your cheeks. You kissed her temple and nodded.

“You’re the best, you know that?” You said and your mum shrugged. “Eh, i’m okay” she giggled, you sat back down on the couch.

“Lay down, mum. We’ve got it sorted now”

You were going in to the offices, or as what niall called STYLES x MALIK, harry styles and zayn malik are both the bosses of the fashion company they both created. They have a headquarters in the states, but they’re just starting up a new headquarters in england, as harry and zayn grew up here and would like to see their families a lot more. Niall basically told you their whole life story over the phone, which you were very thankful for. Saves you the googling.

It was a tuesday morning, when you got the go ahead to pop in. Niall said to look nice, but casual. Like you’re going out for a dinner with your partners family. So you pull out your best high waisted flare jeans, an orange stripped shirt and tucked into your jeans. You topped it off with your lucky platforms and some jewellery. You left your hair natural, and the same with your makeup only some lip gloss and mascara.

“You look beautiful, honey”

“Thanks mum” You grinned pulling her into a hug. You placed your bag over your shoulder and took the car keys from the bowl at the front door. “I’ll be back soon, ok? Go for a walk or something” you say squeezing her hand, before leaving.

20 minutes away from you, is a angry, grumpy vampire. Niall was sat in front of harry, with a grin on his face.

“She’s literally perfect harry” Niall try to reason, but harry was having absolutely none of it. He wanted to rip that blonde son of bitch heart out.

“Niall, i didn’t want her though.” Harry said standing up from his desk, opening up a file and pointing at a picture.

“i wanted her”

Harry was pointing at a girl, blonde hair, blue eyes and great blood. He had tasted her before and worked his magic into getting her an interview - of course, she doesn’t remember him though. But this Y/N girl, he didn’t want her and he never agreed to having her come here today.

“You’ll have to fire her or make up some excuse, fuck i need something” Harry mumbled placing a hand over his eyes, Niall walked over to the fridge in the corner of harrys office he opened it up and took out a bag of blood pouring it in to a small glass. He placed it on the table standing in front of a frustrated vampire.

“She’s really good, Harry. You’ll regret it if you don’t let her do the test run” Niall said before walking to the door. “And she’s hot as fuck” he added leaving the room.

Harry hated being the bad guy, usually he’s a nice person. More lively, a bit like niall. A lot more quiet though, he’s pensive and reads people really well, one of his many talents as a vampire.

Harry was born in 1908, to a wealthy family. He had caring parents, a loving sister and good future a head of him. Until he met liam payne, they met in university decided to work together. The next thing you know, liam had his fangs in harrys neck and he was immortal. The first few years were hard, he was wreck less and did everything possible to get even a drop of blood. He met zayn five years after being turned, and he was sort of like the alpha of their ‘pack’ so to speak. He taught harry all he knew about control and using powers to get what you want, but only when you so desperately need it. They met niall in the 70s, he was freshly turned and needed help. They took him under their wings, and here they are today with a fashion company and a load of money in their pockets.

“What’s all the fuss about?” Zayn asked walking into harrys office with a few files in his hands. Harry huffed and sipped on the blood niall had poured for him. “I’m closed” harry said sitting down on his chair, zayn laughed and shook his head. “You have an interview in 5 minutes, get it together styles” Zayn said and dropped the files on his desk.

“Whether we hire or not, be nice. Her file is there, read it, study it. And keep those fangs to yourself” Zayn warned pointing at harry, then walked out of his office. Harry sighed and opened the file, stopping in his tracks when he saw your face.

You’re beautiful, so fucking beautiful.

He could tell the photo was professionally done, and you definitely had gotten someone to take it in a rush. Your CV is also a mess, but harry thinks it’s endearing. God, you’ve hypnotised him already. Harry could feel your aura through a picture, how the fuck was that even possible?

“She’s here” Niall said through the glass door. Harry nodded and cracked his neck, let’s get this over with then.

He could see niall biting his lip as she walked up, he couldn’t keep it in his pants for 2 seconds.

Niall opened the door and harry watched the girl walk in, her flares and platforms got his attention. She’s perfect. For him. Niall was still checking her out, so harry cleared his throat. Niall smirked and shook his head walking out of the office.

“Take a seat” Harry said and you smiled, sitting down. “I just want to say, i’m really grateful for this opportunity” you say, and harry nearly rolled his eyes. She’s too beautiful for a sob story. “I appreciate it” you say, and harry nodded quickly wanting to move away from anything emotional.

“um, so we don’t need you” He lied and you nearly choked on you own spit. Your eyebrows furrowed and you flushed a bit. Harry could see niall shaking his head. Damn you, super human hearing.

“Don’t need me? Niall said that i was just what you were looking for” you say, not angry just confused. Harry was impressed at how well you could keep your feelings in check, but he could feel how agitated you were becoming.

“Well, he’s wrong” Harry said and closed the file. “Have a nice day” He said with a fake smile. You couldn’t believe this. Fuck this.

“Fuck you” You said grabbing your bag and hoisting it up onto your shoulder. “Woah, Woah, what’s going on in here?” Zayn asked his hands in the air.

“Ask him, thanks for nothing” You say moving to walk out of the office. You needed to get out of here. “Just wait” Zayn called out, you stopped and sighed turning around.

“You’ve got the job” zayn said and your eyes widened in shock. “You start this friday, niall will email you detail. Use this week to treat yourself, on me ok?” Zayn said handing you a 50 dollar note. Who are you to deny money? You nodded and smiled at him. “Thank you” you say and he nodded.

“Don’t disappoint me”

You got yourself a coffee on the way home, you were a little overwhelmed and you needed to calm down before you went home to your mum. You just hope she didn’t do anything stupid while you were out.

“Mum, i’m home” you called out handing your bag up on the hanger. You got no response, so you looked around the house. Nothing in the kitchen or bathroom. The only places left are her room and living room.

You walked into the living room, to see your mum passed out on the couch a bottle of wine and an empty bottle of vodka on the coffee table. you sighed “Oh, mum” you said tears welling up in your eyes. “Why do you keep doing this” you mumbled picking up the wine and empty bottle, you put them away and cleaned up the cup. After that, you placed a blanket over her.

“You’ll get better soon, mum. I’ll be able to pay for it. We’ll have everything we’ve ever dreamt of and more” You say, kissing her forehead.

The next couple of days, you were nursing your mother back to health and used the 50 dollars your new boss gave you to by some groceries. Your mother really needed some hangover snacks, and she needed a lot of them. Luckily, you’ve been doing this a lot longer than you should’ve.

“Mum, i’m off to work” You said peaking through her door. She wasn’t talking to you at the moment.

“Alright, there’s medicine on the counter downstairs, snacks and stuff too. There’s no alcohol and no money, so don’t even try” You warned closing her door. God, this was so hard. You wondered how long it would take to be fired from this job.

You arrived early at the office, niall greeted you and took you to your own little office. It was nothing huge, but you absolutely adored it.

“Hey, don’t worry about harry” Niall said and you nodded. “I’m not, don’t worry” you reassured him smiling as you put down your diary.

“Good, well i’ll leave you to it” Niall said and you grinned at him.

“Good luck”

“Why?”

“You’ll need it”

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simonsrosebud · 4 years ago

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Kevin's first real christmas with dalton!!

kevin says he’s celebrated christmas before, but it’s not true.

sophomore year he spent it locked in wymack’s apartment with a broken hand and ongoing anxiety attacks.

junior year he went to new york with matt and nicky and the others which was weird because they didn’t actually do anything christmas-y and he was drunk for a lot of the trip.

and last year he had dinner with abby, his father, and andrew and neil. but then neil was having a panic attack because this time the year before he was at evermore. they left early and kevin ducked out because he didn’t want to intrude.

then he spent the whole next few days panicking over meeting dalton’s family.

this year, his last year at palmetto, dalton asks if he wants to spend christmas in maryland with him and his family.

there’s no question, of course he’s going.

dalton tells him when they’re at the mall about all the things they do, and how they’ll go to new york again if he’s okay with it. and then, “what do you guys normally do for the holidays?”

kevin freezes. he thumbs at a shirt on the rack in front of him. “uh... last year me neil and andrew had dinner with my father and abby, but neil was having some ptsd relating to this time of year, so it was kind of a mess...”

“that sucks. for him, i mean.”

“yeah.” he nods. it does suck, and kevin still blames himself. “and the year before i went to new york with the team to matt’s dads place, but i was drunk most of the time,” he mumbles.

dalton feels like an idiot for asking, “and before?”

kevin shakes his head. broken hand.

“we ran practices every day of break at the nest. never celebrated any holidays growing up.”

he did have one thing he did every year. he lit a candle for his mother. he didn’t realize it until his first christmas away from the nest, when he was hidden at wymack’s apartment and noticed the man didn’t have a single candle lying around.

he sparked wymack’s lighter and sent up a quick prayer instead.

dalton slides up to his side and wraps an arm around his waist. “i’ve got to impress you this year, then.”

“the bars set pretty low.”

when dalton’s on the phone with his mom that night, he tells her about kevin’s lack of experience with the holidays. “have you done the tree yet?”

“i was planning on doing it tomorrow, why?”

“do you think we could wait and do it all together when me and kev are there?” he hesitates. “he’s never really celebrated christmas and done the typical traditions, and i know he wants to cause his mom used to.”

anne’s heart wants to break a little. “i’ll save it until you get home. and he’ll be here in time to make cookies, too.” oh boy. “you guys can go ice skating if that one place does it again- you know the one, and uh... should we get him a stocking?”

“me and bella got him a present!”

“is that carm?”

“yes!” she steals her mothers phone. “he always pays for things for us when he’s here so we got him this peanut butter sampler pack and an ocean city maryland crewneck.”

dalton pouts, but only because it’s cute to him that they did that for his boy.

when they drive up, dalton’s family welcomes him like they haven’t seen him in years, and it makes kevin smile every time. they don’t get in until late, but bella still peeks into dalton’s room once they’re in bed for the night. “did you bring your racquet?”

kevin’s got his eyes closed, he’s tucked underneath dalton’s big comforter and arm with an ankle thrown over his boyfriend’s. he hums a yes.

dalton grumbles. “shut the door, bella.” and tugs the blanket up to his chin.

they wake up earlier than they’d like. anne and george are at work, and the girls are still asleep. he has dalton at his back and an arm holding him close.

kevin doesn’t ever want to move.

he only does when dalton’s phone alarm goes off. “what’s that for?” he groans. dalton reaches over him to shut it off and drapes his arm and leg right back over kevin.

dalton’s voice is muffled. “shopping day.”

oh fuck. he knew d had said something about shopping yesterday.

it takes them another half hour to get up, and kevin hates the mall to begin with, but this is unbearable. he’s just lucky they’re there a week out and not the day before christmas eve.

kevin stops. they’re in a clothing store, and he’s wandered to the women’s side. he sends a few pictures to allison, and when dalton come over he holds up a fuzzy bomber jacket and an oversized jean jacket. “for the girls?”

“i already got their gifts.”

“but from me?”

“oh.” dalton smiles. “then absolutely. did you already text allison?” he’s joking, but laughs when kev shrugs because that’s so a yes.

anne has the family decorate the tree that night after dinner- takeout, and kevin is kind of in heaven looking through dalton’s ornaments from when he was a child.

“you wanna put the star on top?”

their ceilings are high enough for them to have a fake tree tall enough for kevin to not be able to reach, which is definitely a first for him.

so instead, he gets on dalton’s shoulders.

after they’re done, anne sits next to kevin on the sofa. “you know, i never did the thing where i show you all of dalton’s baby pictures, but i did find this yesterday.”

and kevin turns to look at the book in her lap, and smirks. “no way.”

it’s a small book, with all of dalton’s school picture day photo’s going back to kindergarten. “this is better, i think.”

dalton stops, and lets his head roll back. “can we not?”

“no, we can.” kevin takes the book and opens it up to a random page.

“you’re not allowed to mention the braces.”

“but they’re so bad!”

christmas eve is fun.

kevin is no cook, dalton is and even then that’s saying something, but anne puts kevin to work after he’s up in the morning. they’ve got a lot of family coming over around six, and she needs help in the kitchen.

he’s doing pretty alright, he thinks, and his face lights up when anne tastes a bit and pats his arm. “that’s really good.” it’s a passing thought, and she leaves right after to make a run to get more of something at the store.

but when dalton comes back from the alcohol run, kevin’s plenty proud of it anyway.

and then, because he’s already dirty from cooking anyway, he helps dalton’s father with stuffing the turkey. “you actually stuff it?”

he knows it’s called stuffing, but he’s never actually seen it prepared. or eaten it, he doesn’t think. abby doesn’t make it for thanksgiving or anything because only she and nicky typically eat it. it goes to waste.

george nods. “stick your hands up there, kid.”

kevin lowers his stare to dalton just sitting there across the table. he grins. “you’re doing great, babe.”

kevin takes a shower after he’s done while the others do what else needs to be done.

once dalton’s family starts filtering into the house it’s a little chaotic. in a good way, opposed to the way that he typically knows chaotic to be.

he’s fine, really, once he gets used to it.

at this point they all know who exactly dalton’s boyfriend is, but kevin only recognizes a few faces so he still gets the excited introductions from the few that are fans.

two of them are younger kids, anyway, so that’s at least entertaining and cute.

dalton comes to stand with kevin and his cousin. “can i steal him for a sec?” he takes him by the hand to the other room where the two younger cousins are lounging. “dessert is out, guys.”

they go running out of the room.

“that was cruel,” kevin says, but then dalton is holding something above their heads and-

mistletoe.

“are you sure?”

kevin smiles. “i take it back.” and pulls dalton in.

dalton grins against his lips, and after a moment pulls away just a bit. “that’s not actually why i pulled you away, but i got lucky.”

kevin kisses him again, because he can, and dalton turns. there’s a ledge above the unused fireplace that his mom usually uses for picture frames, but there’s a candle in the middle, now.

“you’ve told me about lighting a candle for your mom, and i figured maybe you’d still want to do it even though you’re here this year.”

he definitely does, and dalton presents him with a lighter when he nods. kevin lights it silently, and watches it for a moment. “thank you,” he says quietly. “i know you listen, but i didn’t expect that...” he wraps his arms around dalton’s waist. “it’s really nice.”

“yeah, well, i’ve got to impress her.” he kisses the top of kevin’s head.

christmas morning, kevin looks surprised when bella says “kevin’s turn” because he really isn’t expecting to get gifts. he has money, he doesn’t need anything.

but then he opens the peanut butter sampler package, and after taking a moment to read it he starts to smile to himself. “i love peanut butter.” it’s almost a whisper, but it makes everyone laugh and sends warmth through his chest.

he hugs the box to his chest. dalton hugs him from the side for a moment, and then kevin gets more surprised because dalton’s parents are handing him a bigger box and oh my god it’s a little portable mixer for his shakes and a nike gift card.

he and dalton do their gifts alone.

dalton gets him a big chunky weighted blanket and a new pair of sneakers that he’s been eyeing for weeks, and then kevin unwraps a small frame. and in the middle is the ticket to the first game of kevin’s that he’d gone too, with a heart drawn on the corner so many times that it’d been indented the ticket.

he remembers teasing him about the heart, but he never knew he kept the ticket all this time.

kevin tackles him from where they’re sitting on the bed. “i love it, and you.”

kevin gets dalton airpods, sweatpants that say “my boyfriend likes my tramp stamp” on the butt as a joke, and a box of his favorite coffee k-cups from a brand that supposedly stopped selling them months ago.

and last, a thin gold necklace, long enough to tuck under his shirt like he used to do with his cross necklace until it broke. except this one has a small “k+d” hanging.

dalton’s smiling down at it, and rubs the charm. he pouts and looks up at kevin. “you got this made?” he nods. “can you put it on me?”

he nods, and drapes it around his neck to clasp it. he presses a kiss to the back of dalton’s neck when he’s done, and dalton kisses him when he twists around.

“i love you.” he wraps his arms around kevin’s neck and leans into him. kevin lies down on his back so dalton’s on top of him. he thumbs at the necklace hanging.

“looks good on you.”

dalton kisses him. “i know.”

they have dinner at dalton’s aunts house. it’s just her, her husband, and her two kids, so it’s nothing like the night before.

wymack calls just after dinner. “merry christmas. what are you doing?”

“merry christmas, we just ate, we’re at his aunt’s house.”

“everything going good? no problems?”

he glances through the doorway at dalton at the table and smiles to himself. “no problems.”

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thejosh1980 · 3 years ago

Text

I was lookin' back to see if she was lookin' back...

Yesterday Alex, Mum and I celebrated...

It's been one year since Alex and I arrived at Mum's place in Ocean Shores, NSW Australia.

If you've read my earlier blogs in 2020, you'll know that we had a lot of trouble getting home. Between the government and airlines, at one point it looked like we'd never get here; we were stranded. I was living in constant worry, stress and hopelessness - in fact, we all were: Alex's family in Germany and Mum's family down under.

Our July 2020 flights were cancelled or rescheduled many times, and eventually we decided to buy new, more expensive flights, on another airline through an agency, which gave us some assurances we'd be on the flight. Our new flights booked and confirmed for early September.

We flew Frankfurt to Adelaide, which was not our original plan. Adelaide had no COVID, and the chance of getting on a flight and getting into the country was higher than say, Brisbane, or Sydney. We could quarantine in Adelaide for 2 weeks and then fly on to Brisbane, which is closer to Ocean Shores.

That was like.... so last year...

This area where we now live is known as the Northern Rivers of New South Wales, and when we arrived at Mum's there was no COVID in the area. We are only about 35 minutes south of the Queensland border, about 8 hours north of the big smoke, Sydney.

Now, a year on, COVID has arrived here.

It's been biting at the heals of tourists and essential workers travelling north since Sydney went into lockdown a couple of months ago.

It's not our idea of a good time.

Right now it's school holidays, which is meant to be 2 weeks of families holidaying in caravan parks and hotels, an essential part of this tourist attraction mecca. Byron Bay, Brunswick Heads, and surrounds are usually very popular places; so popular that most locals complain about how busy it gets here during the holidays. You just can't get a parking sport anywhere!

The Northern Rivers was locked down for about 6 weeks through August into September because cases from Sydney were getting into regional NSW. These regional areas affected by COVID weren't near here, but they made a blanket rule for everywhere outside of Sydney, just to be on the safe side.

Honestly, I don't blame them for the rule, regional outback Australia can't cope with COVID, there's few hospitals, beds, or COVID experience in the scrub and farm land.

Anyhow, I digress...

After those 6 weeks or so in lockdown, they lifted the restrictions here in the northern rivers (and other areas of NSW).

And now, after 2 weeks, lockdown is back on...

There are a couple of cases in the area. Snap lockdowns are the government's preferred method of containing outbreaks. Lockdown areas wherever cases pop up for a week or two (or longer) to limit exposure.

It reminds me constantly that life can change quickly at any time. I have decided I will not waste time once this current lockdown has ended (who knows when that will be). I will visit friends, family, and musicians who live close by. I want to see as many folks as quickly as possible, before another lockdown kicks in.

Besides the boring, never ending tale of COVID, there have been a few things happening this past year...

Alex has been working consistently in the real estate industry since her temporary visa kicked in late last year.

Her first job was a few more miles away than any of us locals would consider driving, and the position wasn't as enjoyable or rewarding as she had first hoped. She really dived in the deep end, and while she didn't drown, she probably needed a few swimming lessons before the attempt. It was a life lesson, one she took on board, and when a new job came up closer to home, she nailed the interview (as she always does), and hasn't looked back.

The 2nd job is less than half the distance away, strictly 9 to 5 and in a company which she enjoys. There's a strong company structure, good work ethic, and entertaining colleagues. Her supervisors, colleagues, and managers are all very supportive; I think she'll be sitting tight on this one for a while.

Alex has also found her creative side again, scrap book journalling, instant camera photography, and some kind of couples diary/journal/photo book too. It's become an almost nightly affair of focusing, creating, and having something to show for it fairly quickly. She's very proud of her work, and it's something she does just for herself. I don't expect you'll get a chance to see a photo of what she's done, and she likes it like that.

I had a bit of work late in 2020 and early 2021, nothing special really, but wait until the premier!! It's interesting to think that some day soon I'll be able to go to the cinema and see my ugly mug on the big screen (even if it will most likely be out of focus). I'll be on Netflix too.

Having the opportunity to be an extra on film and TV was a real boost for my confidence after being off stage for so long. I felt creative, met some great people, made some friends, and had a few bucks in my pocket. Happy days.

By jumping into an industry I hadn't been in before right after arriving here, it reminded me that Australia has a lot to offer. I found myself comparing Germany and Australia, and Australia often feels like it comes up short. This was a chance to prove to myself that there are adventures awaiting here down under.

So, I decided to go back to school.

The last time I was in a class room was in 1998!! I am studying a Diploma of Counselling, and am currently half way through my studies. I've found it very challenging, but have passed every assessment so far, and gained some handy skills too. I have a good connection with my teachers, and I really enjoy the company of my classmates; some of which I can even call friends.

I chose counselling for a few reasons, but the first step was really just a process of elimination. Besides being a freelance professional musician for several years in Germany, I had worked in offices, shops, warehouses, kindergartens and various other jobs. While I could go back into IT or something similar, I wanted to use this opportunity to try something new.

I had my fair share of mental health issues in the past (and present). I thought maybe those experiences could help me connect with folks who need support as well. When looking at course options, the counselling course stood out. So now I'm making a mid life crisis gamble that I'll pass the course, and feel confident and knowledgeable enough to take on the role that many others have taken on for me over the years.

The course has helped me find a routine too, one that I didn't know I needed, until it happened. When you're jobless and unfocused, the mind wanders, the days pass. Now my mind is focused on study, and I feel better for it.

Up until the lockdown hit, we were in class 3 days a week and then I'd study from home 1 to 3 days a week. When lockdown hit, we had to go online. However, being on the computer so much has worn me out, and I really start to enjoy those rare days where I am not looking at a screen!

To be honest, it's been challenging every step of the way, and I even thought about quitting several times in the past few months. However, my confidence has steadily risen to each challenge and I felt better for it.

That's the kind of vicious circle I enjoy.

In July I had my first live show in 13 months! In fact, to date I've only had 3 since the pandemic started! Fingers crossed I can cross the border next month and add a 4th.

I was approached by Cherry Divine to play guitar for her. It's a relatively easy gig for me. The songs are fun rockabilly tunes, Cherry sings great, and she already has a band and gigs. I'm helping her write a few songs too, for her next album. I can't thank her enough for sparkin' the fire in me to keep music alive in my life; for a while there I thought it was all a thing of the past.

With the spark has come the possibility of “The Josh” solo band coming together. While the band isn't moving at any great speed (the recent 2nd lockdown kicked in right as I was about to arrange a rehearsal), I'm finally eager to get a band together. I miss playing live, and I miss having musicians in my life. I miss the spontaneity of a show, life on the road, and crowd reactions.

I've even started to write some new material, and get those ideas on “tape”, well, on the computer. Slow and steady, between studying, family, pets and surfing, music is coming back into my life, and it feels good.

Our family unit here is doing well. Alex and I have been under mum's roof and mum's care for a year now. There are some ups and downs, but mostly I'd say they're ups... The house is big enough to give all of us space, all of us get time outside of the house (except during lockdown, I was mostly stuck at home, but that's OK for me)...

Last night we couldn't go out for dinner, but we did have take away from the local Indian which was really good, and a special treat for us, we don't eat out often.

Alex and I plan to get away every 5-6 months for a visit to somewhere we haven't been. In March we were on the “Sunshine Coast” and checked out Australia Zoo, and in June we went south to the mid north coast to pick up BB Junior.

It's nice to get out and explore. A bit hard to do at the moment, with the restrictions, but we've agreed another trip away (before Christmas if possible) is in order. Those trips are part of the reason why I came home, to see some of Australia, and I'm lucky I get to make those experiences with Alex.

It's also nice to get away from it all. I know we live in a beautiful spot near the ocean, but here, at home, there's the computers, the life and routine, and getting away keeps us fresh and focused on each other. It's definitely something I look forward to!

Speaking of BB Junior, he's almost 7 months old now, and a real character. While he's not the easiest cat to train, I've been getting a few tricks out of him, and he enjoys his time outside, with his harness and long lead. He visits his cousin each week for play time, Charlie, who is another ragdoll of a family friend who loves to play chase all day long with Junior. Alex adores Junior, and Junior adores Alex; they can't wait to cuddle when she comes home from work. He's very vocal too, so even when everyone is at work, I have someone to talk to!

Losing our little boy Mijo was a real difficult experience. I know I've written about him before, but he deserves a mention here, as he was a big part of our first year here. He was full of character and strength, he and I bonded very quickly and not a day goes by I don't think of him. He also brought Alex and I closer together. When she chose him for me, and when he passed, and all points in between, he brought us closer.

I've been focused on sport a fair bit since getting back and settling in. I bought a RowErg, also known as a rowing machine, and I row about twice a week, in addition to riding my bicycle about twice a week. I try to surf every chance I get, which unfortunately ends up being only a few times a month. It's my goal to do something sporty to get my heart rate up every day, and of late, usually I get there too. I don't really do it for any other reason than I love to snack and I can't snack if I don't do sport!

A benefit of my sport/snack workout routine is it helps me stay calm and focused and connected with those I ride and surf with.

I haven't asked Mum how she's feeling about having her middle aged son and his wife living with her recently. Maybe I should, but do I really wanna know the answer? Well, I think she's OK with it. After all, we drive her wherever she wishes! I suspect it goes a little deeper than that, and in all honesty, we enjoy each other's company.

Since Alex and I have been here, I'd like to think Mum has been living a little bit fuller life. I don't think her eyesight has deteriorated much in the past year, but we've been able to provide her with support, eyes to read the small print, driving and help with google, or something around the house. When Mum was diagnosed with celiac disease earlier this year, Alex took her shopping to check over the ingredients of Mum's favourite food, and when needed, found alternatives. It definitely made the transition to gluten free a little easier on Mum and it was a load off my mind that we were around to help her through that phase.

Winter 2021 was over before it even started. I forgot how warm this part of the world is, and I don't know why I own so many jackets! Returning from Europe, where I was wearing a jacket daily for about 9 months of the year, here it feels like, if it's really needed, and I mean if you're desperate, you might need one for 9 weeks of the year. I think the heater was on a handful of times, and the sun was shining just about every day.

I tell ya, it's some kind of paradise here.

It's been a bit difficult keeping up with our European friends and family. I sometimes find it hard to find the time to be proactive to contact the 20, 30 or more friends I'd like to keep in touch with regularly. I know our lives keep on keepin' on, but time passes by so quickly too, and next thing you know it's been 4 months since I last contacted you!

Sorry about that!

Don't take it personally, and I'll get back to you, eventually!

My overall mental health has improved over the year, I'd say it's become quite stable since I started the course. I mean, can't you tell? I write less and less in this blog, because I have less and less to process. I'm not sure if it's the fact there's a lot of self reflection that is inherently a part of doing that kind of mental health course, or if it's the routine of being a student or the new friends I've made and classmates I study with.

It could be that it's taken a year to come to terms with being back here, cause when I first arrived I felt uncomfortable, depressed and worn out... There were a lot of questions; is this a mid life crisis? What am I doing here? Will I ever feel good again? Is my music career over? What am I going to do now? Is Alex OK? Is Mum OK?

My journalling, blogging, and support from friends and family has helped a lot too this past year. Processing my thoughts in words, by clarifying and reflecting, has helped a lot. I've been trying to care for myself a bit more now and then too, I think people call it self care, sometimes I call it sport! Alex has helped me to recognise my achievements, however big or small, and focus less on what I haven't done.

I'm not perfect, but definitely improving.

I was hoping that Alex and I would be in a position to start looking at buying our own house around this time, a year in, but unfortunately, with one of us being a student and the ever rising cost of housing, we have to sit tight on that idea for a while longer. Sorry Mum, you're stuck with us.

There's been many smaller things happen during our first year here. Lots of moments of gratitude, love and support. There's some stuff we've forgotten, or that has been overtaken by something bigger. All in all, I'd say it's been a real rollercoaster home coming!

We're still here, a year on, still going strong, making motions, taking chances, being in love, talking shit, laughing, smiling, misbehaving and focusing... What more could we ask for?

Thank you for reading, for your support and love. I love you too.

Josh

#covid pandemic #1 year celebration #reflection #family life #relationships

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winryofresembool · 4 years ago

Text

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 33

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: What happens after Leo returns? (At Waystation, pt 1234)

A/N: What is this? A new chapter? I know I probably apologize too much but still, sorry for the long wait! Writer's block is not fun, you guys. It seems that I'm getting more and more insecure about where I should take this story by each chapter, but I did get a couple of encouraging comments while I was writing it and they motivated me to keep going! Extra special shoutout to my bff Cris(sy) for both recommending me the song that eventually helped this chapter to be born, and also helping me edit yesterday because I certainly wouldn't be posting this right now without you. (((((((((huug))))))))))

Disclaimer: The song New Year's Day obviously belongs to Taylor Swift and I definitely recommend listening to it while reading this chapter (specifically the scene where it's mentioned).

Words: 3300+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / AO3

…

Leo stayed at the park for a while longer, but eventually he knew he had to return to Waystation. The talk with Piper had made him feel a bit better, but he was still worried about how Calypso would react to his meltdown. In his opinion, she had every right to be mad. He would have to explain his behavior, but how? That was the big question.

It was already well past noon when Leo showed up at Waystation again. The building was surprisingly quiet when he entered, hoping the others were looking for him. Usually Georgina was all over the place around this time, sugar high from the chocolate she had eaten and making a mess with her new presents. Luckily, once he had removed his coat and his hat, he started hearing some clunking from the kitchen, indicating someone was there.

Instead of just bursting into the kitchen and announcing that he had returned, he stopped to watch by the doorway. Only Calypso and Georgina were in there, the younger girl chatting enthusiastically while the older one was instructing her with baking. They were standing with their backs towards the door so they couldn’t see Leo. The smell that was coming from the oven somehow felt very familiar… something he associated with Calypso. It wasn’t until she bowed down to take something out of the oven that he realized what it was. The cookies smelled the same as the cake Calypso had baked a few times at their flat, and the shampoo she used: cinnamon-y.

“Look, Georgina!” Calypso showed her the cookies. “These ended up pretty good.” It sounded like she was hesitating a bit before she continued: “Hopefully your brother will like them as well.”

“Oh, he will, Calie! He’d probably like anything you do!” Georgina noted in the straightforward style she was used to.

“But I didn’t make these alone,” Calypso reminded her. “I had a good helper.” She put the oven pan on the table and reached to ruffle the top of Georgina’s hair a bit.

“Where do you think he went, anyway?” Georgina asked. Leo wasn’t sure if he just imagined it but to him she sounded pretty worried. “I’ve not seen him that way often…”

Calypso sounded pretty cautious when she answered. “I’m sure he will be back soon. He must be tired because he’s been working a lot lately and that’s why he’s a bit on the edge… but he wouldn’t want to miss your gingerbread cookies. Hey, what color should we use to decorate these?” She turned Georgina’s focus back to the cookies again. “Do you think pink would be cute?”

“No, I want all the different colors! Blue, red, purple, green, yellow…” Georgina started listing all the colors that she could remember.

“I don’t think we have that many food color bottles here,” Calypso pointed out with amusement. “But you know, we can try to mix some together!”

“That sounds great! Hey, is pink your favorite color?” The girl asked suddenly.

“Hah, what gives me away?” Calypso chuckled. Even the apron she was currently wearing happened to be pink, although Leo knew that was probably purely coincidental because she was using one of Emmie’s aprons.

“You’re always wearing something pink and you even wanted pink gingerbread cookies,” Georgina noted while she started mixing the sugar frosting very eagerly.

“You’re a smart one, aren’t you?” Calypso teased. “I do really like pink, though. I don’t know. Maybe it reminds me of the sunsets back in my childhood home… But lately I’ve noticed that I have quite a lot of red things in my wardrobe too. But what about you? What’s your favorite color?”

Georgina gave Calypso a long and colorful answer, which Leo only half listened to. He started thinking about Calypso’s statement. He wasn’t completely dense; he had noticed that Calypso had often picked those outfits that he may have complimented at some point. But could it be that she had even started using more red because of him? Nah, he shook his head, that was a selfish way of thinking. Her outfit choices were probably purely coincidental.

Suddenly Leo realized that he had been standing there eavesdropping the girls way too long. When he was about to leave, though, he heard Georgina say: “my moms try to hide it from me, but I know that Leo is not OK. I mean, maybe he is, sometimes… but I remember that last Christmas was a lot like this one.”

“What do you mean?” Calypso asked.

“He didn’t yell at anyone, but… when he is in a bad mood he either shuts down and avoids us or is even louder than usual. But between the jokes, he doesn’t look happy at all. Moms would probably say ‘Georgie, you’re too small to understand that stuff’, but I’m not a baby anymore. This one golden haired dude visits us sometimes and he knows a lot about health things and he’s been teaching me as well. I know sometimes people get depressed, if for example something really bad has happened to them. And I think something very bad happened to big bro before he came here.”

“Yeah… sometimes things like that happen, sadly… But you know what?” Calypso said, probably attempting to sound more cheerful. “I think your brother is really trying. He cares about you so much he puts your happiness before his. He doesn’t want you to worry about him. But he’s strong, just like you, right? He’ll pull through.”

At this point Leo felt he had heard enough. He had been expecting some talk about him; after all he had just caused a scene in the middle of the present opening. But to hear Calypso talk about him that way? So sweetly? That he hadn’t expected. He had imagined she’d be mad at him after the ‘incident’ of that morning. Maybe she was just trying to be nice simply to calm Georgina down, but that he would never know.

He slowly started backing up, so that the girls wouldn’t notice his presence. However, just when he was nearly by the stairway, his foot hit a box that someone had left on the floor, making a loud noise. Cursing himself in his head, he quickly looked up to see that the sound had piqued the girls’ interest and they both tried to see where it had come from. He hid upstairs as quickly as he could, but that didn’t change the fact that Calypso most likely knew he had been listening to them.

Great, he thought, as he closed his bedroom door behind him. As if things hadn’t already been awkward enough even before this…

… (Calypso POV)

Once she was done with baking with Georgina, Calypso withdrew into her guest room for some ‘me�� time. She had a lot to think about. Leo hadn’t been around for the lunch, which meant that the Waystation group had been unusually quiet while finishing their meals. She knew everyone must have been thinking about him, but no one dared to bring him up. After the lunch, Georgina had asked Calypso to bake with her and she had agreed, welcoming the distraction. But Leo still hadn’t returned so she had started playing with the idea that she wouldn’t listen to Jo and Emmie’s advice, instead going to look for him after cleaning the kitchen. Before she had gotten that far, though, she had heard him in the hallway, but he had disappeared from there before she had time to even properly see him. However, she knew it couldn’t have been anyone else.

While she was relieved that he had finally come back, one part of her was also kind of mad that he had been eavesdropping and hadn’t even told them that he had returned. She was pretty close to just marching into his room and letting him hear it, but eventually she decided she wasn’t quite ready for that talk yet. If only there was some machine that would allow them to exchange their thoughts without the actual confrontation… But that was a naive thought, Calypso knew.

Finally, she decided that dwelling on the issues the whole day wouldn’t help anything. Since the Waystation family would get some Christmas guests for the evening, she decided that she should probably change out of her baking attire (a simple t-shirt and sweatpants) that had gotten a bit floury despite the apron that had covered it. Thankful for having taken several outfits from her flat (see, Leo, they were useful for something after all, she thought), she was drawn between blue jeans and a white blouse and a pretty 50ies style red dress she had only recently sewn for herself. It had sleeves that reached her elbows, a ribbon around the waist and a v-shaped neckline. Calypso wondered if the dress was a bit ‘too much’ for a family dinner but she liked how it had ended up looking and felt pretty confident in it. That’s why she ended up picking it instead of the more casual option. Besides, a tiny voice said in Calypso’s head, it didn’t hurt that Leo liked that color...

Tying her hair into a small braid pun and adding a ribbon around it, she was finally happy with her look. Then her gaze fell into the silver bracelet Leo had given to her that was still around her wrist. Briefly, she wondered how he’d feel about seeing it after their earlier incident, but she decided to leave it on. She had kind of expected Leo to give her something silly, like a CD of him singing Never Gonna Give You Up or chili seeds as a joke, but the jewelry box and the bracelet had been very thoughtful. Leo really knew how to surprise her – in a good way – sometimes…

Realizing that she had already been spending over an hour in her guest room, Calypso decided it was time to go back to socialize with her hosts. She heard Georgina’s voice coming from the living room and decided to go check up on her. The young girl was sitting by the piano, singing one of those more modern Christmas songs that she herself wasn’t crazy about, but somehow it sounded a lot more bearable when Georgina performed it. But what really surprised Calypso was Georgina’s pianist. Leo was sitting there next to his adoptive sister and focusing on running his fingers on the instrument. For some reason she hadn’t expected him to be musical and especially not interested in playing Christmas songs (Calypso knew he was more of a rock ‘n roll type of guy). She wasn’t sure what to think of this discovery.

Calypso had always loved music and she had even attempted to learn to play the piano with the help of a nanny for a little while, but when her dad had discovered what they did, he had immediately told them to stop. To this day, Calypso couldn’t understand why; she just assumed that maybe her beloved father hadn’t wanted her to learn something so ‘useless’. Thankfully, her voice wasn’t something her father could take from her so she had kept singing mostly out of spite, and became pretty good. Now she began wondering if Leo would ever mind teaching her to play… that was, if they were able to have a normal conversation again.

Georgina’s song ended and Calypso stepped forward to let the others know she was there, applauding the girl.

“That sounded good!” She encouraged her. “I’m not a fan of Christmas songs but you did well.”

“Thanks, Calie!” Georgina beamed at her. “Leo has told me you can sing too. Can I hear some? Please? Leo can play!”

“I… uh… wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Calypso turned to Leo. “Since when have you been playing the piano?”

Leo ignored Calypso’s first remark and replied: “Since I was a kid. Yeah, I bet you thought I’m more like a drum person or something but it was my mom’s idea I’d try this. Well? Are you gonna sing something?” He asked when Calypso remained quiet.

“I don’t really know that many Christmas songs…” she replied hesitantly. “Georgie, do you have any suggestions?”

“I love Taylor Swift’s songs!” the 9-year-old announced. “Do you know any of them?”

Calypso nearly burst out laughing. “Of course I do! She’s one of my favorite artists. But I thought we were going to sing Christmas songs.”

“Nah, I think I’ve already had enough of them,” Georgina stated. “But TS has made some holiday themed songs as well. Like New Year’s Day. I have the piano sheet for it!” The girl showed her a book she had borrowed from the library.

“You’re a real Swiftie, huh?” Calypso couldn’t help but smile at the girl’s enthusiasm. “But fine, I actually quite like that song so I could sing it.”

Leo had been following the conversation quietly but now he took the book from Georgina and eyed the sheet.

“Let me practice a little; I haven’t even heard this song before so I have no idea how to play it.”

“Sure, take your time,” Calypso said carefully. She was relieved to see that Leo was acting that calmly now despite the morning’s incident but she couldn’t help but wonder if that was just the surface. Surely he couldn’t have just completely forgotten about it? She would have to bring it up at some point, but now was not the time. Even when she attempted to read the lyrics her thoughts kept going back to him.

She was so lost in her thoughts that Leo had to raise his voice before she noticed he had stopped playing. “Hey, did you hear me? I asked if you’re ready.”

“What?” she shook her head. “Sorry. I was just wondering something. But yes, I’m ready now.”

Calypso noticed that Georgina kept looking at them curiously, but for once she didn’t say anything.

“Good. Let’s go,” Leo said in a neutral tone.

As she started singing, the lyrics started sinking into her differently than before. Suddenly she felt like she was the narrator, singing about the aftermath of a party she had attended. Even though Calypso wasn’t big on parties, and the latest one she had been in – the Halloween one – hadn’t gone ideally, when she kept picturing herself among her friends that she had gained during her time in Indianapolis, smiling, carrying their shoes because their feet hurt from the dancing, she felt… happy. Adding to that the image of spending time with Leo cleaning up their home while he made his snarky comments and probably tried to sabotage her cleaning process, she felt warm in a way she hadn’t expected. However, she tried to stop that track of thoughts because she realized what it implied. The narrator of the song was singing about her significant other, and Calypso had decided a long time ago that she shouldn’t get one.

As Leo kept playing, Calypso tried to keep her focus on his fingers running on the keys. For a while it worked; Calypso was amazed by how fast they could move, but then again, she supposed that all those years of building things with his hands really helped him develop that skill. Calypso could spot some stains on his hands from the machines he had handled that would barely leave even with soap, and the under nail area could definitely have used some proper scrubbing, but he wouldn’t have been Leo without those things. She couldn’t imagine him not fiddling with something 24/7. That was one of the reasons she admired him; she valued hard work pretty high and couldn’t imagine being with someone who was just sitting still.

”But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away…”

When Calypso reached that part, she felt chills go down her spine because of how well that line described her and Leo’s current situation. He felt lost because of some past traumas. She was scared of both letting him too close and losing him and everything she had gained since that fall. He had turned away from her and his family already twice that day. But there was hope; maybe, if they managed to finally communicate properly, they’d find a way to even deal with the ‘midnights’.

“Hold on to your memories, they will hold on to you.”

Calypso stopped to think about that line. At first her thoughts went to the badmemories such as the times when she had been living with her father. But when she repeated the line, she understood the song was talking about the good memories that would carry you even in your worst moments. Before she knew it, she was filled with flashbacks. Yelling at Leo after Festus broke her desk. The weird warm feeling after she saw the fixed desk. Casually spending time together; cooking, cleaning, playing, watching shows together… That time when Leo had given her the seeds of her favorite flower… The ‘therapy’ sessions… The Halloween party and the almost kiss after that… the weird tension they’d been having ever since that moment… His smiles and laughs… No matter what would happen, she would always hold those memories close to her heart.

Suddenly, Calypso knew. This wasn’t just some infatuation that would go away with time. She had learned to appreciate Leo’s company more and more, the good and the bad sides, to the point that she was now in love with him. Back in August she had thought that they would probably never get along, but to her surprise they had more in common than she had expected and he had become a big part of her life. Lonely, unsure about their futures, past traumas… that’s what tied them together. And even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t be able to deny that what she had been afraid of had already happened.

“And I will hold onto you.”

Those five simple words made Calypso’s voice crack. With frustration she swept the corner of her eyes quickly and attempted to clear her voice for the last lines of the song.

“Please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere.”

She looked up from the lyrics with blurry eyes and glanced at the boy with the piano. Some months ago, she had told herself that she wouldn’t let anyone get too close to her. But somehow Leo and all her new friends had just snuck into it, and she couldn’t imagine her life without them. She wanted them to be a permanent part of it, but with so many uncertainties in the future, could she count on it?

“What’s the matter, Cal?” Leo asked when she very clearly had difficulties pronouncing the last few words of the song.

Calypso knew the words she was going to say were probably unfair, but she couldn’t stop herself. The frustrations of that day just demanded to get out. “What’s the matter, Cal?” she mocked him. “I don’t know, Leo. You just… freak out all of a sudden and run away and then you come back and act like nothing happened?! Don’t you understand at all how worried we all are about you?!”

“I…” Leo stammered but didn’t finish his sentence.

“Well? Are you gonna explain yourself?” Calypso asked.

“Listen, you need to understand…”

“Understand what, Leo?”

Calypso waited for a little longer, but when the answer never came, she said: “You know what? Never mind. Clearly I was a fool to think that you care about us… about me the same way I care about you.”

“Calypso…”

Calypso turned her back to him and muttered: “I’m going to see if Jo and Emmie need my help with something. Do not follow me.”

In reality, Calypso withdrew into the closest bathroom and finally let the tears come.

#caleo #leo valdez #calypso #heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympians #trials of apollo #my fics #caleo uni au

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glenncoco4 · 4 years ago

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Hiding

A/N: A/N: He's a pro-surfer. She's a waitress. A chance meeting brings them together and their relationship grows into something more, but it's not always how one imagine it to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

His eyes move with the waves as he watches the barrel form, imagining himself and going through his body movements as he focuses on standing up, and becoming one with the wave. He’s drawn out of his trance at the feel of her hand sliding down his chest as she comes up behind him, her breath warm against his ear. “We should go out for dinner.”

He closes his eyes, letting out a deep gush of air. “Baby, you know how much I want to but-“

Snatching her hand away, she walks around the couch and heads straight for her bag. She’s furious with him, but more so with herself because she agreed to go along with it in the first place. Early on she thought it was just a normal fling and nothing was going to come of it but boy was she wrong. “But nothing. I’m tired of this, Marty. I’m tired of your excuses.”

At her words, he quickly hops up off his seat and scurries over to her, his hands finding their place on her shoulders. “Kens, baby, please don’t go.”

She lets out a deep calming breath, willing herself not to cry before turning around and coming face to face with decision she had no idea she’d be making today. “I deserve more, Marty. I deserve a whole lot more than what you’re giving. I thought I could handle hiding out, and sneaking around so you can protect your “bad boy” image, but I’m sick of it.”

“I’m trying to protect you, why can’t you see that.”

“You’re trying to protect yourself and I can’t be in a relationship with someone who’s more focused on the opinion of strangers than the opinion of the person they said they love more than anything.”

He reaches out for her but she pulls back, stinging him like nothing ever before. “Baby, no. Don’t go.”

“Goodbye, Marty. Call me when decide to live your life the way you want to and not the way others want you to.”

He watches as she walks out the door, leaving the life they had behind her. The ache that’s in his chest tells him just how bad he screwed up, how selfish he was. Leaning against the wall, he slides down to the floor as the tears begin to make themselves known. “What did I do?”

XXXX

She sits the plates down in front of the respective customers, telling them to enjoy their meal. At this point she’s just going through the motions. Yesterday was a shit show inside a dumpster fire and the numbness continues to grow. She can’t get him out of her head, out of her heart. Maybe she walked away too soon, maybe if she-NO, she did the right thing.

The brunette’s so lost in her own thoughts, she does’t see him until she’s halfway across the dinning room, stopping her in her tracks. “What are you doing here?"

“I’m here to apologize to you.”

“And you chose to do it now?”

“Marty Deeks?”

Their attention turns to the older woman who is now in their immediate vicinity. He sends her a quick smile before turning his attention back on Kensi.

“Oh, my god. I’m like your biggest fan.”

“That’s nice.” Any other time he would talk to her but right now is not the time. So he sends her a brief smile only to turn back to see the brunette’s retreating form.

“Kens, please?”

She quickly turns around, irritation written clear on her face. “WHAT?”

“I love you. Please?”

“You can do better than that, Marty.” She knows it sounds harsh, but she can’t turn a blind eye any more.

He can feel the eyes in the room on him, if there’s ever a moment when he needs her to know how sorry he is, it’s right now, so he powers through. “I love that you push me to be my best because you know what I’m capable of. You see me for me and no one ever has before, not really. Ever since I was 18 all I ever was to anybody was a dollar sign, but not with you.” Gaining a small amount of courage, he takes a few steps towards her almost as if she’s pulling him in. “I was wrong to keep you hidden, because you deserve to be shown off to the world. You deserve so much more than what I can give you, but if you’ll forgive me, I promise to do everything to become the man you deserve.” This is the moment of truth. Reaching into his pocket, he takes out an intricate ring, the one that he widdled from the piece of wood of the cutting board that she burnt the first time she tried to cook dinner for him. “Kens, will you marry me?”

Tears spring in her eyes, she so badly wants to say yes but she can’t, knowing he could just as easily back track tomorrow. “I can’t be your secret anymore.”

Taking a deep calming breath, he does something he’d never thought he’d ever do. He pulls out a chair of the empty table that’s right next to them and uses it as a stepping stool to stand on top of the very expensive dining table. “Excuse me, can I have your attention please?” If there were some that weren’t paying attention to what was going on before, they definitely are now. “I've been dating this amazing woman for the past year and a half. Against my better judgment I listened to my team and kept it a secret, but no more secrets.” His attention turns from his “audience” and towards the woman whose always been there for him, loving him, and brining a light he’s never known into his life. “Kensi, I love you. I’ve loved you ever since I met you at the beach and you insulted my roundhouse cutback.” At he sight of her smile, he’s suddenly filled with a sense of confidence. “You didn’t care who I was back then and you don’t now, and I mean that in the best way possible. You see me for me and who you know I can become. Ever since I met you, there’s a peace that has washed over me, a peace that up until then, I had only found when I was out in the water. Kens, you deserve to be shown off to the world, and I was wrong to even go along with the idea of hiding your light. Baby, I promise I will never put you in second place again and I promise to love you with everything I am for the rest of my days. So if you’ll have, I would very much like to be your husband.”

The room is filled with a resounding gasp, drawing Kensi’s attention to just how many people are watching them. She’s not use to this and it freezes her. The only thing coming out of her mouth being one of reprimand. “You’re not allowed to stand on the tables.”

He crosses his arms, keeping his feet firm on the piece of furniture. “Well, I’m staying here until you give me an answer.”

“Fine, get down.”

“So?”

For the first time tonight she allows herself to lock eyes with him. She sees the desperate love so clearly written in his cerulean blues and can’t help but give in. Closing the distance between them, she lays her palm on his cheek before standing up on her tiptoes to bring her lips to his in a kiss that she so desperately missed. “Yes.”

The goofy grin that spreads to his face is one that reminds her of a kid on Christmas morning, yet somewhat in disbelief that what he’s asking for is really in his grasp. “Yes?”

She nods, confirming her answer one last time.

“She said yes!!!!” Before she knows it, he has her wrapped up in a bear hug, spinning her around the dinning room of one of LA’s most glamorous restaurants, not a care in the world.

XXXX

Later that night as they step into his loft, Kensi hesitantly observes the room, even though he did everything to make her believe he wouldn’t hide their relationship anymore, there’s still that hint of disbelief in the back of her mind. Before she looses her courage, she turns around, seriousness set on her face. “How do I know this is going to be any different from last time?”

“Turn on the TV.”

Her brow furrows at his evasiveness and weird request, but does it anyway. “Now what?”

“Turn it to E!.”

They stand side by side in the middle of the living room for about 10 minutes before Kensi’s finally aware why she’s watching. “Breaking News: Pro Surfer Marty Deeks is reportedly engaged to longtime girlfriend Kensi Blye an International Global Studies major from UCLA. The assumed “bad boy” surfer has been known for having numerous girlfriends in the past, but it looks like that was just for show. The surfer just released this statement a short while ago.”

First of all, I want to publicly apologize to my fiancée, she wanted no part of keeping us a secret and frankly, neither did I. But I was talked into it by my team because they thought I needed to protect my bad boy image and it also didn’t “look good” that she was a waitress. They were wrong…I was so very wrong. Kensi stood by me even though I haven’t stood by her and there’s no excuse for what I did. Believe me when I say that I will spend the rest of my life apologizing to her. I don’t care about any image or what people think of me other than her, and it took almost loosing her for me to see that. I’ve lived in a persona most of my career and frankly I’m sick of it. She’s the best person I know and she makes me a better man every single day. I can’t wait for the day that she finally becomes my wife. - Marty Deeks

“Wow, talk about love confession.”

She turns to him, tears in her eyes. There comes a point in life when you realize who’s here to stay and who’s just here in passing. Asking more of him wasn’t a good feeling at first because she knew the risk, but taking that risk and telling him what she needed had to be done. For her and for them. “I love you.”

Wrapping his arms around her, Marty pulls her into him, placing a kiss on the top of her head. The thought of how close he was to loosing her will haunt him for a long time, but spending every day for the rest of their lives together will without a doubt bring in the sunshine. “I love you too.”

#Densi #Densi Fanfic #AU #Kensi Blye #Marty Deeks #NCIS: LA #NCIS: LA Fanfic #Densi AU

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just-anka · 4 years ago

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I realised I haven’t really regularly posted here since like... I don’t even know, September? It’s been a while, anyway. A lot happened, and I now feel like actually writing a post for the first time in a while, so here goes haha. The first bullet point is entirely work waffle so feel free to skip. Apologies in advance for the fact that this post will probably reach novel length by the time I’m done.

• I took a week off in late September before Ben started his new job so we could go to the mountains for a bit, and it was a much-needed little break from work. And pretty much right after I got back, work got completely mental - nothing bad as such, just one thing after the other, loads of deadlines, so many important things. First I was finishing up data for a paper (first authorship was being debated which is partially why I threw myself into the job so much, but it looks like it’ll be the PhD student before me’s now, which is how it should be tbh, it’s much more hers than it is mine), then the date for my first committee meeting was set and I suddenly had only two weeks to prepare (did not think it was going to be that short notice, whoops, had a very stressful two weeks but all went well - for us, this meeting means presenting our research plan and preliminary data to a committee of four professors so they can give you input, it’s not suuuper formal but still pretty stressful), then I had to write the report for that (I love writing so that one was okay), then there was suddenly a lot to do for a really important cooperation with a company (big money responsibility which stressed me the fuck out), and then, just as I thought I was pretty much done for the year, I realised I needed my lab book up to date for my end of year meeting with my PI (which wouldn’t be such a big deal, except I didn’t have a lab book at the time. Never got around to starting one. So nine months of lab book were written within another very stressful week). Whew. Even writing this out makes me feel like that was a lot haha.

• After the end of year discussion, I really was done for the year - I officially worked until the 23rd but there was not that much actual work happening, and with the pressure off after months, I properly crashed for a few days. Ben left for England on the weekend after to see his family for christmas etc, and I spent most of that weekend sleeping and doing very little. It was needed. Then my mum came to visit me for the holidays and we had four really lovely days together, also involving a lot of chilling (the only actual thing we did was that magical winter hike that I posted some pictures of the other day).

• And now I’m skiing! I was planning to go to England as well for NYE to see Ben’s family, but with the corona situation escalating again lately I decided it was too risky for just a few days. So I made a last-minute plan to go skiing by myself instead, because all that involves is a 2 hour train journey. I’m actually staying in a hotel too, which I’ve never done by myself before, I’m usually a dorm in a hostel type of person, but well. Covid has changed a lot of things :D trying to stay safe and away from people, which is of course not entirely possible in a ski resort, but it’s going okay. The skiing itself is great, it’s really nice having some time to go at my own pace and a few days in a row. Today was day 4 and I’ve really found my groove again (more on that later). There’s not much snow though so not many off-pisteing opportunities :/ I’m staying until Monday and then it’s back to work on Wednesday.

• Speaking of skiing, we’ve got season passes this year, my first season and Ben’s second. We’ve just been doing on the weekends so far - since the 21st of November I just realised while looking back in my calendar! That’s one hell of an early season start haha. We did just one day three weekends and then one full weekend right before Ben left. The first few days were bloody hard. For context, I learned to ski before I learned to walk and loved it as a child, then stopped for a few years because I felt like I wasn’t progressing anymore and was getting bored with it, basically. Then last January I went to France with Ben and his skiing friends and got introduced to freeriding and the idea of ski touring, and now I’m back to loving it haha. I’d ideally like to not have to resort ski anymore at one point (meaning touring) because I know it’s terrible from an environmental standpoint but... idk. It’s currently my only option, and I love it a lot, so I guess it feels okay? Anyway, since I learned to ski so early, it’s the one sport that I’ve always been pretty good at and like, never get scared, at least not on piste. Until this year. The first three individual days were just all kind of horrible, the conditions weren’t ideal with very hard surface and tons of ice and pretty busy slopes, and only steep terrain open as well (Engelberg, our “home” resort - we have a season pass that encompasses a bunch of resorts so we’re not limited to one - is literally dead flat beginner’s slopes, which weren’t open in the beginning, or red runs that should be black and black lol). Pairing loads of ice with my old skis which barely have an edge anymore was... not ideal. I was so scared constantly and it made me like I lost all my ability etc etc. But yeah, turns out I just needed a few days and some easier conditions to get back into it, and now ice and steep stuff and everything is fine again. Who would’ve thought. (a sensible person, probably).

• But then, the full weekend we skied in December was awesome! Saturday already felt much better and then it snowed a bunch over night and Sunday we spent all day powder skiing, basically. I learned SO much and just had an absolute ball! Definitely one of the best days skiing I’ve had, and one of the best days recently in general.

• Plus that whole weekend was just lovely, car camping in a campsite full of huge campervans was pretty fun :D I love the looks we get when people see the car and clearly wonder where we sleep. And we’ve got our setup perfected for winter now so both the nights were toasty. Friday night we had dinner in “bed” watching a movie, and Saturday night we sat in the little kitchen (the campsite has it open for everyone, but everyone else there has a camper, so it doesn’t seem to be used much) drinking tea and playing cards and ahh. Camping in the mountains. My ideal life eh? (though the weekend before this wonderful one, we got snowed in because it dumped over a metre over night completely unexpectedly and that was stressful as hell, but I think that’s a story for another day, if ever, I’m kind of trying to forget that day :’D)

• Yesterday I also finally took the plunge and ordered new skis. Been debating for ages which ones to get but I’ve finally decided and I’m now very excited!

• Ok this post so far reads as “work and skiing” which is pretty much what November and December were and probably what January is going to be too haha. Ben and I want to ski another week together end of January as well, and there’s some big exciting work things coming up as well.

• Even though I have to admit, now that I’m on a break, I’ve spent a lot of time dreading work and questioning my career choices and all of that lark... sigh. I love my job most of the time, but I kind of hate having a job? If that makes sense? Sometimes (okay a lot of the time) I just wish I had more time for other things that I care about. But I also now I’m lucky to have that job, especially this year, and lucky to have a job I don’t hate, and get to do a lot of fun stuff on the side, even if it often means little sleep and downtime.

• Speaking of things I care about, I was on a proper roll with writing for a few days before and after Christmas. It’s ebbed off again a bit, but it was still pretty cool, and my totally-useless-all-cheese-project is now 33,000+ words long and like, half-way there story wise. Had a lot of fun with that.

• Lastly, Ben is still in England, and he’s coming back next Sunday, and I can’t wait! I miss him so much when we’re not together it’s actually silly. Although it’s less stressful this time than the last few times because... we live together, his work just offered him an unlimited contract from January, and I’m stuck here for another 2-3 years, so it looks like we’ll actually get to be in the same place for now. Which is all I wished for last year, and I’m so damn grateful - that stability really is the best thing 2020 has brought for me. And, as he said, even though we were apart for the start of the new year, it will hopefully bring more time together than any previous year ♡

• Okay I think this is long enough now, if you actually made it until here you’re a hero and I will try and post a bit more regularly again now to avoid this size of mind dump :’D I hope you all got into the new year alright, it feels very strange to me that it’s 2021 because I actually slept through midnight on new year’s for the first time since I was tiny haha but I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way!

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redheadedteatotalfanfic · 3 years ago

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You're the One, the Only (Ch. 1)

Chapter One:

Gina sat in a chair by the window in the front room of her grandparents’ house, trying her best to block out the noise going on behind her. She stared out the window, her mood as gloomy and bleak as the sky outside. She had zero interest in celebrating Christmas now that her Marine wasn't going to be here with her. When Kevin had called home for Thanksgiving, he'd explained how he'd deliberately not requested leave in the hopes that it would make it easier to get approved to come home for Christmas. She'd been fine with that, preferring it to spending time with him at Thanksgiving. He'd called day before yesterday and told her his chances of coming home for the holidays looked nonexistent. Her mood had soured, and she now just wanted to get tonight and tomorrow over with.

She had kept to herself despite her family's best efforts to cheer her up. She spoke when spoken to, but gave short perfunctory answers, and avoided looking at pictures and talking about favorite Christmases like her mom's side of the family did every year. She'd do the same tomorrow at her dad's, and hopefully go to bed early to get the day over with as quickly as possible. It wasn't the same without him here. Her only bright spot had come in the mail yesterday as his Christmas gift finally arrived. He'd gotten her the red Marines t-shirt she'd fallen in love with, along with a set of custom dog tags that had black silencers. She had both on today, hoping it would make her feel closer to him, but it hadn't worked. She glanced at her phone in her lap, he had promised to try and call tonight so they could at least hear each other's voice on their favorite holiday. But as the day dragged on it didn't appear that was going to be possible either. They normally talked at least three times a week, but all she'd gotten this week was the very brief phone call to tell her he wasn't coming home. She held out a small sliver of hope that he was saving the call for tomorrow.

A small package landed in her lap, and she looked up to see her little sister standing next to her chair with a cheesy grin. "Open it," she said.

"Not interested," Gina groused, handing it back. Since they were kids, they'd had a habit of opening one gift before dinner, as a way to tide them over until the adults were ready to open presents.

Casey refused to take it. "Trust me," she said. "You wanna open this one. You need what's in it."

With a frustrated sigh Gina ripped the paper open, revealing a packet of kleenex with a funny saying on them. She rolled her eyes and shoved them back into her sister's hand. "Very funny," she growled.

"Okay sourpuss, you don't wanna be nice go make yourself useful and start bringing the deserts in from the back porch," her mom said in the tone all mother's use when tired of their teenager's attitude. "And find a better mood while you're out there, hear me?"

"Gladly," Gina muttered, getting to her feet, and stuffing her phone in her back pocket.

As soon as she stepped into the kitchen Casey shifted to a point where she could see her sister and began providing a play by play for the rest of the family. "Through the kitchen...opening the back door, and..."

There was a muted scream that made everyone laugh and both of Gina's sisters and their mom headed for the porch. They were wrapped in each other’s arms, his around her waist and her own around his neck. She would've stayed that way forever if her family would've let her. She pulled back, and they shared a quick kiss, knowing her grandparents would have issue with more than that. "C'mon, let's get back in the house," her mom said.

"When did you get here?" Gina asked.

"He took a red eye last night, we picked him up at the airport this morning and dropped him off at the hotel," Chris said. "We waited until he got here and got hid on the back porch before Case gave you the kleenex."

"I got a few hours sleep, and went and spent time with my family today," Kevin added. He dropped his tone to a murmur, making sure only Gina could hear him as he entered the house. "I'm all yours until I gotta go back the day after New Year’s."

"Two weeks," she murmured. She was unfazed at knowing he'd elected to spend most of the day with her family instead of his own, he hadn't had the greatest upbringing, and most of them had been furious at his choice to join the military to the point he'd severely limited his contact with them.

"Two weeks," he confirmed. "And a room at our favorite hotel."

She squeezed his hand as they passed through the kitchen and back into the living room. With Kevin here her entire demeanor changed, and she became the giggling goofball that her family knew her to be at this time of year. She sat down in one of the chairs and he sat on the floor in front of her, using her legs as a backrest. It gave them the excuse to touch each other without enduring any teasing.

"I thought for sure you'd cry, it's why I gave you the kleenex," Casey said.

"She called you a crybaby when she bought them," Chris added.

She laughed, unfazed by the ribbing. None of them noticed when her legs shifted so that they were over Kevin’s shoulders, and he had his arms wrapped around them. They made it through dinner, and she was surprised to see the small pile of presents her family had gotten him. She had left her own gift for him in her car and was now looking forward to giving it to him in person later instead of mailing it on the day after Christmas.

She had needed the kleenex when they'd been given identical boxes by her grandmother. "This has been a year in the making, and I had to enlist the help of both families. It should make it a little easier to be separated when he goes back to the base," she'd explained. "And I didn't get them mixed up."

They had each been given a quilt made of the other's t-shirts. What made it extra special was that some of the shirts used had some sort of meaning between the two of them. She didn't know about him, but it would definitely make it easier to sleep once he left again.

During a lull as the night began to wind down, her mom gently pulled her aside. "Don't mention anything about staying with him. Just make it look like you're gonna drop him off at the hotel on your way home, okay? Otherwise, you'll get an earful from them both," she said.

Gina nodded. "I can use needing to pick up his Christmas gift as an excuse," she said. "I'm surprised you're okay with him staying."

"You're nineteen and have your own place, there's not much I can do to stop you. Now you know why I questioned you about doing your laundry yesterday, though I still dunno why you bothered with your underwear," her mom teased.

"Ma!"

----------------

After getting all the gifts loaded into Gina's car and making a quick stop at a gas station to pick up enough snacks to last until the day after Christmas when everything would re-open they headed for the hotel. They pulled up to a stoplight and Gina pulled a small package from the center console, where she'd put it with the intention of mailing it the day after Christmas. She turned on one of the overhead lights and handed him the package. "Merry Christmas baby," she said. "It's gonna seem weird until I explain what it's for, but I promise you'll love it."

Kevin tore into the packaging and unwrapped a set of keys. "Keys?" He questioned. "Keys are usually a good thing."

"Uh huh," Gina agreed. "An incredibly good thing in our case. We're not staying at the hotel for two weeks."

"We aren't? Why?" He asked.

"Remember the pictures I sent of the house I told you my dad was looking at?" She countered.

"Yeah," Kevin said a split second before comprehension smacked him on the back of the head, and his expression changed from confusion to anxious disbelief. "No..."

Gina nodded. "Dad doesn't like the idea of us living in the dorms on campus, so he was planning to lease me an apartment like he did my sister. I don't like the thought of living squished in with other people, and I found this place not too far from school. It's nothing spectacular, but it's ours," she explained.

"Explains why your sister was so adamant about me only booking the room for one night until the two of us went back to the hotel. The last two words you said are all that matters. I don't care what it looks like or what's wrong with it, it's ours," he said. Kevin leaned forward and they shared a kiss just as the light changed. She reached up and shut off the light as they began to move again and he reached over and grabbed her hand, kissing the back of her palm before threading their fingers together. The streetlights allowed him to see her smile, and he sat watching her for the longest time.

She couldn't wait to get to the house and show him the trivial things that she'd yet to tell him about. She'd turned one of the smaller bedrooms into a studio of sorts, where she could write, and he could draw. The master bedroom had an en suite bathroom, and double closets, and she'd sectioned off part of the garage to make a little home gym. They would hit up the supermarket on the twenty-sixth and pick up the last few things needed to turn it from a house into a home.

When they left the hotel after picking up his bags and checking out, she gave up her keys to let him drive, something she knew he enjoyed and likely hadn't done since he left several months ago. She also gave him quick instructions on how to get to the house, smiling when he easily pinpointed the location. As Kevin drove towards the house she unbuckled her seatbelt, wiggled out of her hoodie and stretched out across the center console, pillowing her head on his thigh. Kevin knew she wasn't sleepy; she was satisfying her desire to want to do more than just hold his hand. She covered up with the hoodie, and after giving her a couple of minutes to get comfortable he slipped his hand under it with the intention of curling his arm over her ribcage. His fingertips were met by bare skin, and when his thumb brushed against the lower curve of her breast he realized she'd taken off her bra when she'd gone to the restroom at the gas station. "Touch me," she begged in whisper. "I want you so bad."

Kevin smiled as she voiced her desires, he'd been gently coaxing her to do so ever since their first time. When she'd sheepishly admitted she struggled with it because she was afraid of being laughed at, he'd kissed her forehead and explained that any man that laughed at his girl for telling him he was doing something she liked or didn't like wasn't really interested in pleasing his girl. He let his hand drift up her chest and brush over her soft peaks enjoying the soft moans she made in response. Kevin kept his touch light so that neither of them would get frustrated by having to stop when they got to the house. She growled low in her throat when he withdrew his hand, making him chuckle. "We're less than five minutes from the house," he said.

She fidgeted a moment, readjusting her clothes, and then sat up, wiggling back into the hoodie, and raking a hand through her hair. She decided that when they got home they'd get the car unloaded, she'd give him a quick tour of the house, and then spend the next several hours tangled up in bed. Gina was about to inform him of her plans when she suddenly remembered something she desperately needed to take care of before he saw it.

"I gotta tie up the bathroom a bit, need to shave," she said as they pulled in the driveway. "Haven't been keeping things quite as trimmed as I was before you left."

Kevin smiled, knowing she wasn't talking about her legs. "I packed my straight razor, want me to do it again?" He asked, hitting the button to open the garage door. He pulled in, putting the car in park, and shutting off the engine before turning in the seat to look at her.

She nodded with a smile. He had done it for her one other time, the first time she decided she wanted to go bare. Letting him take care of something so intimate had been an amazing experience, and she'd decided to always take him up on the offer should he ever ask again. "I wanna do what I did last time too, it felt so good afterwards," she said.

They got out of the car and got the bags and gifts from the backseat. Gina led the way inside. She put the snacks on the counter before leading him into the living room where a couple of photos caught his attention. Kevin stopped and looked around, seeing several of his belongings sprinkled throughout the room. "I went to your parents place and picked up all your stuff that your mom boxed up and put in the garage," she said, putting the gifts on the sofa.

His duffel bag slid to the floor and he turned to her with tears in his eyes. She'd done much more than that. Unhappy with his decision, his mom had pretty much kicked him out when he went to boot camp, clearing out his room and relegating his belongings to the garage for him to pick up as soon as possible. Her family had taken him in, to the point that her grandparents treated him like their fourth grandkid. Gina pulled him into a hug, and he silently sobbed in her arms. "Welcome home baby," she murmured.

She cuddled him for a few minutes and decided to forgo the tour for the time being. He needed to stop thinking about his family and the bullshit he'd endured since he made the announcement that he was joining the military. "C'mon, let's go unwind a while and celebrate being together in our new house," she murmured.

Kevin lifted his head and smiled, and they shared a quick kiss before he reshouldered his duffel and followed her towards the bedroom.

#actor fic #you're the one the only

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poc-movie-supremacy · 4 years ago

Text

Merry Christmas

On one very Merry Christmas, disaster strikes the Lim-Ilnyckyj family. Will everything be okay or will it be deadly Christmas for all???

------

Steven hates eggnog. He hates that it’s only sold on Christmas. He hates that he always forgets to buy more of it. He hates that he made Andrew go get some on that Christmas night.

Yesterday night…

Steven loves Christmas. He loved it when he was a kid and he loved it now. He loved the Christmas music, and the twinkling lights, and the constant buzz of happiness. It’s become even more special now that he has Andrew and Sunny and Mark.

“Do you have everything you need for the party tomorrow, baby?”

Steven surveyed the kitchen. “I think we should. Do you wanna get started on the dumplings?”

Andrew nodded and started getting out all the ingredients. “Sure are you going to start the banana bread?”

“Yup.” Steven maneuvered around Andrew as he got out his ingredients. They worked together in the kitchen seamlessly to produce a Christmas feast. Tomorrow in the late afternoon, they were hosting a large Christmas dinner with all of their friends and family. Considering who was coming they were planning on making a large meal.

“The ham is going to be ready for pick up tomorrow right?”

“Last time I checked honey.” Steven had on a Hanukkah sweater under his apron. It was a gift from Zach a few years ago. He also had an elf hat that Adam gave him and a discrete hickey from Andrew. Didn’t need the kids seeing that.

As they cooked, those same kids sat on the couch watching Christmas movies. Currently they were enthralled by Disney’s A Christmas Carol. The lights from the Christmas tree blinked lazily at them. It painted the kids in a warm glow. The smells of cooking food and scented candles wafted around the house. The adults kept a half an eye on them as they worked in the kitchen.

As Steven stirred the banana bread mix, he felt a slight tug on his pant leg. Looking down he saw his baby boy holding on to his leg. “Hey Markie, what’s up?”

Steven knelt down so he could hear his son better. “Baba, are ghosts real?” Steven almost fell over laughing. It was making his son agitated but he couldn’t stop. Sunny and Andrew started to look at them curiously.

Before Mark could start crying Steven squeezed his hand. “Buddy, hey, Buddy I’m sorry. You know what, when your Uncle Shane and Ryan come over tomorrow you ask them ok? They know more about this than I do.”

“Oh God, Ghosts.” Andrew groaned into his hands. He looked almost comical in his zany red Christmas sweater and Mickey Santa hat that Ryan got him a few years ago. Their poor kids look very confused at their parents. Steven almost fell down from laughing too hard.

“Do you think when they finally started dating Shane would intentionally scare Ryan so that Ryan would go to him for comfort?” Andrew wondered. The red Christmas light fell on his profile, emphasizing his strong jawline and beard. It made Steven’s heart happy to look at. It was also hilarious sine he looked like a giant red man from where Steven was crouching on the floor.

“Oh most definitely. I had to help him sometimes.” Steven rolled his eyes exasperatedly while Andrew chuckled.

"Anyways, you kids wanna make Christmas cookies after me papa are done?” Steven asked. Papa and Baba’s cookies were a special treat for the Lim-Ilnyckyj kids. They enthusiastically took any chance of making them with their father’s as they could.

“Ok watch a few more movies while Papa and I finish cooking, alright?” They nodded and went back into the living room. Frosty the Snowman and It’s Christmas Charlie Brown played through before Steven and Andrew were ready for them. Sunny and Mark rushed into the kitchen eagerly, happy to bake with their parents. It got a little messy, but they had fun. Andrew had flour in his hair and icing was everywhere. After that adventure, Steven and Andrew wrangled their kids to bed. Then they cleaned up the house to make it more presentable.

Half-way through the clock struck midnight. Steven was busy fixing the mistletoe so he missed Andrew coming up behind him. He squeaked when he felt Andrew wrap his arms around him. “Merry Christmas, Baby.” Andrew reached up to press a quick kiss to Steven’s lips.

Just as quickly he pulled away leaving Steven a giggly mess. He playfully swatted Andrew on the shoulder before getting back to work. “Merry Christmas to you too, Honey.”

Christmas Day for the Lim-Ilnyckyj household was chaotic. Sunny woke up Mark and together they woke up their parents. They were found sleeping back to back holding hands. They did not go to bed like that. It made Sunny and Mark laugh as they bounced on the bed. Their giggling is what actually woke up the two parents. Andrew gave Mark a bear hug while Steven tickled Sunny senseless. When they finally escaped their parents hold, the kids pulled their parents to the Christmas Tree.

“Don’t forget we’re going to Mass at noon. Then everyone’s coming over at 3. Can you get me some matcha honey?” Steven asked.

“Sure.” Andrew stood up from the couch to go get some coffee in the kitchen. Light streamed in from the open windows onto the children. It made them almost glow in the morning light.

Steven peacefully watched the kids divide up the presents. Mark got some nice lego’s and a coloring book while Sunny got a kid-safe detective and chemistry kit. They got a few other gifts but this was their favorite. Andrew came back with two cups of matcha, one for Steven and one for himself. Steven smiled happily and kissed his husband’s cheek in thanks. They hadn’t been planning on opening their gifts, but Sunny and Mark insisted.

Steven’s gift was an art project and a Ratatouille stuffed animal. Sunny and Mark smiled eagerly at him. “Uncle Adam helped us pick it out! Do you like it Baba?”

Steven pulled his kids into a hug. “I love it so much.”

“Your turn papa.” Mark handed his father one of his presents from Sunny and Mark. It was another art project and a stuffed animal of a cat possibly from the Aristocats.

Andrew squeezed the cat close to his chest. “You guys, this is great.”

“You like it?” The kids asked him excitedly.

“I love it. And I’ll open the rest of the gifts after I get the ham. Ham is the last thing we need right?”

“It should be..” Steven said. It wasn’t.

“Ok, let’s eat some breakfast, I’ll get the ham then we’ll go to Mass. Sounds good?” The kids nodded distractedly. Steven made them special christmas waffles (which were like regular waffles with a lot of sweets in them).

“You’re going to give them a sugar rush,” Andrew said.

“Yeah and they’ll crash during mass.”

Andrew smiled sneakily at his husband. “You're so smart.

Steven shrugged with faux humility, “I try.”

The kids did in fact crash half-way through Mass. Steven and Andrew had to carry them the rest of the celebration. All the Church goers cooed as they passed. At home, Steven and Andrew let the kids sleep as they made sure the house was ready for the party. The wrappers were all thrown away and the Christmas lights were turned on. The food was arranged artfully around the kitchen table. At 2:20 the children were woken up and cleaned up for the party.

The first people to show up were Uncle Ryan and Uncle Shane. Their three kids, Sherry Linda and Benny stood behind them carrying gifts. After hugging Ryan and shane, Steven graciously took the gifts from his nieces and nephews. Mark ran up to Ryan’s leg and pulled him down. “Uncle Ryan, Uncle Ryan, Baba told me I could ask you a question.”

“What’s up slugger?”

“Are Ghosts real?” Mark whispered.

Ryan immediately started wheezing while Shane groaned. Mark looked around very confused. His dads had the exact same reaction. At the same time Ryan told him yes, Shane shook his head no. An argument ensued to Mark’s utter confusion. Linda rolled her eyes, took her cousin by the hand and pulled him away.

“Ignore my dads. They can’t agree on this.” Sherry, her younger brother Benny and cousin Sunny and followed Linda and Mark. They made their way to the play room away from the bickering adults.

“If you ask me,” Sherry started, “I think they are.” Benny nodded too. He was three so there was a 60/40 chance he was just agreeing because his older sister said it, but none of them commented on it.

More guests started to arrive, The Fulmers, the Habersburgers, Cool Uncle Adam. The kids all went to play upstairs while the grownups stayed downstairs to talk.

Christmas music rang throughout the house as Christmas lights twinkled around them. The cookies and eggnog were a big hit, especially after someone spiked it. Steven didn’t account for this and sadly they ran out of eggnog quicker than he planned. “Do you want me to get more?” Andrew whispered in Steven’s ear. He had seen Steven start to play with the hem of his shirt, a tell-tale sign he was agitated.

Steven played with the hem of his shirt more and almost started to bite his lip. Internally he was having a debate with himself. “Are you sure? You don’t mind?” Steven whispered.

“No it’s ok. The trip would be quick.”

“Want me to go with you?”

“Nah stay home. I think Bergara’s going to do something to my clothes, I want you to stay guard.”

“Yes sir.” Steven smiled and kissed his husband on the cheek. Silently Andrew left the party to get some eggnog. Annie saw this and quirked an eyebrow.

Steven answered her silent question. “It’s all good.” No it wasn’t “He’s just getting some eggnog.” He wanted to get some eggnog.

Annie nodded slowly like she was debating on what to say next. “The roads are slippery. I hope he’s careful.”

The thought made Steven nervous, but nothing bad could happen right? It was Christmas Day so he decided to trust in God and believe that Andrew would be alright. Steven nodded at Annie and steered the conversation towards studio ghibli.

-_- -_- -_-

It takes half an hour to get from the grocery store and back to the house. Steven knows after all the times one kid has gotten sick and he had to rush to the store for soup. It had been 20 minutes so far. Steven wasn’t too worried. He went to the kitchen to get more cinnamon rolls where he caught Ryan staring out at the snow.

“Snowstorm. Must be blue moon today,” Ryan whispered when he noticed Steven beside him. “First time I’ve ever had to bundle up like I do visiting Shane’s family in California. Kids were ecstatic though.”

Steven snorted softly. “I can imagine, Cali boy.”

Ryan fondly rolled his eyes, “That was an awful nickname and you know it. By the way, where did Andrew go? I haven’t seen him in a while.”

Before Steven could answer, his phone rang. Excusing himself, he answered and started to walk away. He made it four paces before he felt his heart shatter.

-_- -_- -_-

Steven was stock still in the middle of the kitchen. He wasn’t moving. Ryan called out to him, but he wasn’t responding. Hesitantly, Ryan walked over to Steven. His breaths were shallow and his eyes looked bloodshot. Carefully Ryan took the phone out of Steven’s hand.

“Hi, my name’s Ryan Bergara, I’m… Steven’s relative, what seems to be the problem?”

“Mr. Bergara, as I was just telling Mr. Lim, Mr. Andrew Ilnyckyj has been in a car accident. He’s in St. Luke’s hospital on 5th and 9th.” The operator had a sympathetic voice, probably picking up on how much Andrew means to Steven. Ryan took a deep breathe in an attempt to steel his nerves. He couldn’t break down, not yet, not until this whole mess was sorted out. Someone had to be strong for Steven.

“Oh, um thank you, Steven and I’ll be there as soon as we can. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas Mr. Bergara. I hope your friend turns out okay.”

“I hope so too.” Ryan hung up and pocketed the phone. He turned towards Steven who was still stock-still and crying. “Hey man, I need you to breath. He’s going to be okay. Shane and I’ll drive you to the hospital, the rest can stay back and watch the kids.”

“The kids… you can’t tell them just yet. You can’t. It’s Christmas Ryan. Wait, wait until tomorrow.”

“Ok, ok I promise. Wait right here. I’m going to go tell the grown ups and get Shane.”

As he was about to leave, Steven reached out and tightly gripped Ryan’s arm. “Don’t, don’t leave.”

Ryan paused and took a deep breath .”Ok, slim lim, come with me.” Slowly Ryan tugged Steven back to the living room. To get everyone’s attention Ryan made one sharp whistle.

Everyone turned to look at them and concern colored their faces when they saw Steven’s tear stained face. Before they could speak Ryan’s voice wobbled out, “Uhh, Steven just got a call from the hospital,” Annie held a hand over her mouth, “Andrew’s been in a car accident. Shane and I are going to take him there, but we need someone to stay behind to watch the kids. It’s Christmas. I don’t want them there quite yet.”

Shane walked up to stand on Steven’s otherside. He wrapped an arm around Steven’s shoulders and rubbed in an effort to calm him down.

“We can stay with the kids,” Katie offered. She sent a sympathetic look towards Steven that went unnoticed. The others offered to clean up before either going to the hospital or going home.

Ryan and Shane ushed Steven into the car and drove as quick as they lawfully could to the hospital. When they came to a stop in front of the hospital, Steven jumped out and made his way to Andrew’s room. They watched him go silently, sadly. Before they joined him they parked.

-_- -_- -_-

Steven ran down the hallways as fast as he could. Christmas music played softly through the halls, but it doesn’t have the same soothing effect anymore. It started to become more threatening as it played in his mind over and over. You better watch out. You better watch out. YOU BETTER WATCH OUT you better not cry, you better watch out I’m telling you why…

It made him sick. His anxiety increased two-fold. The washed out hallways seemed to stretch on forever. It was freezing to the bones in there. For every step Steven took, the hallway added another foot of length.

401… 402… 403.

Steven felt like he was running on borrowed air. Like when he got that phone call Satan stole his breath and wouldn’t give it back to him. He didn’t stop running though, he would run as quickly as he could to get to him.

Finally, finally after his ugly christmas sweater was starting to choke him, finally after his tears were starting to stream down his cheeks, he made it to him.

Andrew was lying unconscious in his hospital bed. There was a long scar over his left eye and a bruise on his left forearm. Steven almost fell over at the sight of it. Yet he pulled himself together and staggered to Andrew’s bedside. Tightly he grabbed one of Andrew’s hands as he willed himself to stay strong, stoic.

The hospital room was cold and unfeeling. It smelled of antiseptic and medicine. Steven hated it. He hated that he was here, he hated that he was the okay one. Steven, Steven burned with anger. But anger doesn’t last long, especially for Steven who quickly goes from murderous to deep tragic sadness. It makes his knees weak.

He pulls up a chair so he could fall into it. While still holding his hands, he rests his forehead onto Andrew’s stomach and let the tears fall. At first it’s singular droplets but then it becomes heaving sobs. All the pent up energy he feels is released through the tears. He’s relieved the kids aren’t here to see either of their parent’s like this. They’re too young.

He hears Ryan and Shane approach but he pays them no mind. All he’s aware of is Andrew’s soft breathing and the beep of the heart monitor. The sound is both a blessing and a curse. As much as he hates the incessant beeping, he’d take it over its silence any day. The boys walk over to Steven, Ryan on his left and Shane on his right.

Shane’s quiet as Ryan speaks. “The nurse says there was some internal bleeding, and he has a few broken ribs. The roads were a little slippery the other car couldn’t break fast enough to avoid collision. She checked your insurance. They’re going to send in robots to fix up the bleeding. Thank God we updated the healthcare on time.” Ryan tried to joke to alleviate the dour mood. It didn’t work that well.

Steven tightened his hold on Andrew’s fingers. Jaggedly, he nodded his head. Shane placed a hand on top of his shoulder. “Hey man ease up. Don’t break his fingers.” Steven wanted to hold onto his husband’s hands like a lifeline, but he knew Shane was right. Instead he grabbed one of Shane’s hands and one of Ryan’s. No one spoke as they quietly watch Andrew sleep.

When the nurses had to take Andrew into surgery, Steven let them lead him back to the waiting room. The lights were bright in an awful way, harsh on his eyes. They sat together on one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs. No one spoke, unsure of what to say. Steven played with the hem of his Christmas sweater and prayed the rosary over and over internally.

Later on in the night, Adam, Annie, Rie, and Niki came over to sit with them. Unless it was to offer Steven a comforting word no one spoke. They all waited apprehensively for an update on Andrew’s situation. Annie wrapped her arms around Steven who curled into her.

“I’m sorry I jinxed it.” Her voice was whisper-soft and shaky, like she was about to cry but didn’t want to.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Just more evidence that you might be a little more magical than we thought.” Steven tried to humor her. Annie just held him tighter and kissed his forehead.

“I’m magical as fuck and I’ll use my powers to make Andrew come out the surgery room brand new,” Annie declared confidently. Despite himself, Steven smiled.

-_- -_- -_-

Andrew’s surgery lasted a few hours. Ryan shot a text to Katie that Andrew would be staying overnight and Steven would too. Katie offered to stay the rest of the night with them, but Adam refused. He drove back to keep an eye on the kids while Katie and her husband went home. She gave him a sympathetic smile and made Ryan swear that he would update them on Andrew’s situation. After that they sent Steven one last sympathy text before heading home.

Luckily the surgery went smoothly. He’d wake up from the anaesthetics in a few hours. Since only one person could wait for him in the hospital room everyone stayed in the waiting room. Steven went to visit Andrew alone. He pulled up a hospital chair and fiddled with the hem of his sweater as he prayed.

Half-way through the night, Ryan and Shane had to go back home to pick up the kids and put them to bed. Annie stayed with Steven the whole night. She went with him to see Andrew before having to go back home. Well into the morning, once the kids were awake and ready, Adam took Sunny and Mark back to the hospital to wait for Andrew and Steven. They were quiet and still for once chock full with worry. Adam tried his best to distract them. He played youtube videos, read to them, and let them play games on his phone. Nothing seemed to work however. The only thing the kids wanted was their father.

They looked up when a nurse called Adam’s name. They got up together, one kid holding one of his hands. The nurse gave him a pleased, tired smile. “Everything went well, so well in fact that you all can visit him.”

“We can visit Papa!” Sunny squealed excitedly. It made the nurse laugh.

“Yeah, your father’s waiting for you.” Sunny would’ve sprinted off if it weren’t for Adam. He quietly thanked the nurse before turning his attention back to the squirming kids.

“We walk together, no running off. We can’t run into anyone.” The kids sullenly agreed with Adam. Together they walked towards Andrew’s hospital room. He didn’t let go of the hyper kids until they crossed the threshold. Sunlight light up Andrew’s hospital room. There were some flowers and candy lying on the side table. Steven and Andrew had matching red rimmed eyes as they held hands. Big Smiles shone on their faces when they saw their kids. Before the kids could pounce on Andrew’s torso Steven scooped them up onto his lap.

“Hey, hey, before you shower your papa with all the love in the world, we got to go over a few ground rules.” Steven waited until he had his kids attention. “Your father’s chest and stomach is very sore so you can’t put any pressure on it. That means so sitting on it, no tight hugs, no leaning against it. Ok?”

Both kids nodded solemnly before Steven let them onto Andrew’s hospital bed. Mark sat on his left while Sunny carefully climbed over him. When they started talking they also started crying and they did this on top of each other. Adam went to stand silently behind Steven. No one could fully understand what the kids were saying. It was something between, don’t go, I’m scared and it was confusing. Andrew let them cry it all out. He rubbed Mark’s arm up and down as he tried to thumb away Sunny’s tears (in vain). Gingerly he let the kids lay on him, wanting to be just as close to them as they needed to be to him.

“I’m going to be ok guys, I promise. Papa just got in a little tumble.” The kids didn’t really believe him, he did have a scar on his face after all. They did always like the rumble of his chest when he talked though, so they just quietly listened. Andrew told them a story about one of his Christmases as a boy. It was long enough to have them fall asleep by the end of it. Andrew kissed them on the forehead before turning towards Adam and Steven.

“They fell asleep quickly. What did I miss from the 24 hours or so?”

“Nothing much. After Steven got the call, half of us went to the hospital while the other half stayed behind to clean up the house and watch the kids. They’ve had some trouble sleeping. Very worried for you.” Adam informed him. Absentmindedly Andrew tightened his hold on his kids even if it pained him.

“Merry Christmas to us,” Steven quipped sarcastically.

Andrew snorted. “Hey, I turned out fine. Little banged up but I’m ok.”

Steven carefully squeezed his upper elbow. “You better be. I didn’t want to tell the kids that pops went out for milk and never came home.”

Andrew and Adam laughed out loud. “I promise baby, I’m not going anywhere.”

#standrew #shyan #ella's worth it fics #we're all fic writers here #I coined mark from the bible #sunny cause Steven was like sunshine personified so obviously his kid would be too #and sherry and linda since they are shane and ryan's respective mom's #ella's unsolved fics

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

Text

1114

survey by dishwallafied

WHO was the last person...

you spoke to, in person? I think it was my sister, like earlier at 1 AM. She was the last person apart from me to head upstairs for bed.

you called? I tried calling our internet service provider’s hotline to inquire about our lost connection last weekend, but all I got was a useless automated message saying they’re on top of all concerns and will be addressing ours soon, which did not make any fucking sense because I didn’t get to report my issue anyway. Their social media was virtually useless too, and my dad had to physically go to one of their offices last Monday to settle the issue.

that called you? My phone’s not near me at the moment (omg a rarity) but it was the delivery person for Reggy’s croissants. GPS has always hated our street and has never been able to identify it, so whenever anyone in the family makes a purchase for delivery we’re bound to get a call or two from the rider assigned to our order to ask for directions.

you texted? It was the same delivery guy. He had tried to call me but I was in a meeting that I couldn’t get out of, so I explained to him I could only text. I also gave him a Waze link containing the exact positioning of our house so that he could set it up on his phone.

that sent you a text? I think it was just my mobile services provider sending out some random promotional text. Idk, I never open those.

you kissed? Gabie.

that kissed you? Also her. I don’t plan on kissing anyone new any time soon.

you yelled at? I haven’t recently been in a situation where I’ve had to yell at anyone...I do slightly raise my voice a lot on video call meetings just so I’m sure everybody on the call can hear me. That’s the closest I’ve got.

that yelled at you? My mom, when she was being a real drama queen about MY money a couple of weeks ago.

you watched a movie with? I watched it by myself, but I remember calling my ex for comfort because the movie was a little scary and creepy. I also remember how bothered she sounded that I was calling her, as if I was a huge burden, so...there’s that. Y’all do me a favor and be with someone who gets delighted when you call instead of making you feel like you’re a waste of space okie?? Good

you ate dinner with? My family. My dad laksa for dinner, which was perfect because I had been watching 2 Days 1 Night yesterday and the cast members kept eating ramyeon, which made me develop a serious craving for noodles all day.

you were in a photo with? I think it had been a family selfie. My family and I were about to leave the accommodation we stayed at in Tagaytay, and my mom wanted a final photo in the living room before we stepped out.

you took a photo of? My employer sent out heart-shaped red velvet cakes for all of us for Valentine’s Day, so I took a photo of it with Cooper in the background to share to the work group chat. I definitely did not expect any goodie sendout considering I never viewed Valentine’s as a special day even when I was still in a relationship, so it was a nice surprise to receive.

you went to a concert with? Oh my Paramore show was a solo date. Gabie did come to the arena with me and I also drove Denise, Erycka, and Leigh, but the three of them settled for a different section somewhere farther out given how they already did VIP seats for Paramore’s previous concert in 2013. It was my turn to have a front-row seat and since I didn’t know anyone who was as big of a fan as I was or was willing to shell out ₱7,000 for a VIP seat, I went by myself.

you lied to? I think it was Bea, my manager? She scheduled a quick call last Tuesday just to do a check-in with me, and she was asking how I was. Of course I had to tell her I was doing fine, which is never completely true for a lot of people, I think. I didn’t want her to ask me to open up anyway, so saying I was fine was the easy way to go.

you invited somewhere? I recently saw a music clip of a certain song that’s played a lot in bars, so I tagged my entire college barkada telling them we should go back to TK soon, at least when the lockdown and the pandemic subside considerably.

you dated? Gabie.

you dumped? It worked the other way around.

you rejected? I mean, I guess I technically rejected the girl Mik told me was interested in me. We never met since Mik refused to tell me her name or show a photo, but I informed him I wasn’t planning on talking with anyone soon so she can stop thinking I’m available.

you held hands with? Angela.

you hugged? Andi, before they got out of my car since we were parting ways for the evening.

you let cry on your shoulder? This hasn’t happened in a very long time. Most likely Gabie, but this would’ve been around at the start of 2020 when we could still see each other regularly.

that let you cry on their shoulder? Figuratively, Angela and Andi.

you bought a gift for? I got a weekend accommodation for my family, but it was really meant for my dad for his 50th birthday.

you wished a happy birthday? Hans.

that disappointed you? I was more annoyed than disappointed, but it was some random Fil-Am who was being ignorant at the Subtle Filipino Traits Facebook group. That community gives me a huge migraine most days because of Fil-Ams who continue to romanticize the ~beauty~ of the country whilst completely ignoring the socio-political trainwreck here, but the group is kind of the place to be for Filipinos so I can’t see myself leaving it either.

that stayed over at your place? They didn’t stay over for the night but Angela and Hans did a surprise visit to my house a few days after Christmas.

that let you crash at their place? Gab. I used to always crash at her place when I’ve had a few drinks.

that made you angry? Idk man, can I give Mark Zuckerberg as an answer? HAHAHA I went on Facebook first thing today and the first thing I saw was a Facebook Memory, and it was a photo of me and Gabie at Athenna’s birthday party four years ago. I got irritated at first until I remembered that we were both tagged in the post, which means it would most likely show up on her feed as a Memory as well. Just to humor my petty ass, I kinda hope the memory would make her sad, wherever she is; but otherwise seeing the Memory pop up didn’t make me sad or bothered anymore so that’s a win for meee.

that complimented you? Leah, my employer’s CEO. She did a check-in call with me recently to get to know me better, so one of the first things she asked was a list of the clients I handle. I happen to be in the team that works with the company’s more big-league clients, so once she heard the brands she told me I must be a good enough worker to be assigned those clients. It meant a lot and it still does.

whom you complimented? Bea. I just let her know how helpful she’s been with me considering I’m a fresh graduate on her first job in a work-from-home setup in the middle of a global pandemic.

you thanked? A supplier I’m currently in contact with, for work.

that thanked you? The said supplier thanked me back.

you saw, in person? My sister.

that bought you something? Dad bought siopaos for us yesterday.

that made you laugh? The cast of 2 Days 1 Night, from when I was watching the show last night.

that you said you loved? I don’t remember. I think it was Kate since she helped me out with a favor.

that said they loved you? Hannah.

you flipped off? I haven’t whipped out the finger in a while, come to think of it.

you made a silly face at? Not a person, but Cooper.

that drove you somewhere? Dad was the driver for our Tagaytay trip.

WHAT was the last thing you...

touched? Aside from my keyboard, my vape pen.

threw? Cooper’s bowling pin squeak toy. He’s gotten a lot better at catching things with his mouth, so I’ve been throwing it a lot at him to continue training him.

ate? A caramel croissant.

drank? Coffee.

found stuck in your teeth? Haven’t had this happen to me in a while.

cooked? I’ve never tried cooking anything.

baked? Idk, maybe cookies 873984732842 years ago.

threw away/tossed out? The packet for the sauce that came with the siopao my dad bought.

bought? I made a purchase for 20 bags for a work thing, but only because I was assigned to do the whole correspondence with the supplier. My manager was the one who sent over the payment when the purchase was confirmed.

sold? I don’t think I’ve ever tried selling anything before.

took a photo of? Cooper hahaha. I had been dancing to a song and he was staring at me.

were frustrated with? Our internet provider when they cut off the connection last weekend.

broke? I’m not sure if I can say I broke it, but the adaptor for my phone charger finally gave up on me the other day. I’ve taken to borrowing my sister’s for now, since she says she “doesn’t use it a lot” anyway.

spilled? Some drops of coffee spilled out of my mug when I dumped several ice cubes in it.

tripped on? Kimi. He follows me evvvvvvverywhere, so I bump into him at least once a day.

kicked? I’m not really sure.

put batteries in? Haven’t had to use batteries in a while, either.

turned on? The Bluetooth on my laptop.

turned off? The electric fan last night since I found it loud.

wrote? Other than my answers to this survey, I’ve also been talking with Angela this morning over Messenger.

wrote on? Other than my phone/laptop, my journal.

cleaned? My glasses.

stuck up your nose??? My finger when a nostril itched recently.

WHERE was the last place you...

dined at? Ramen Nagi.

ordered something to go? I don’t do takeout deliveries, but the last thing I got for delivery was banh mi and iced Vietnamese coffee last week.

bought something? Facebook Marketplace.

cried? In the living room. I came across that viral video of a guy proposing to her girlfriend at a Taylor Swift concert, when he knelt at the exact moment Taylor sang “He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring” from Love Story. It was such a sweet, classy, non-cringey public proposal and I allowed myself to be swept away by the cheesiness of it all, haha.

felt uncomfortable? Dining room table. I was sharing a story to my parents about work involving a guy and my mom asked me if I had a crush on him. My dad kind of snorted and said, “Her? Crush on a guy?” which told me he knew something was up re: my preferences lmao. They’ve never heard anything from me yet, so that made me feel awkward and I most especially didn’t want my mom to catch on to the question and suddenly put me in the hot seat.

drove to? Other than back home, I last drove to UPTC.

had an appointment at? Google Meet, hahaha.

went on vacation? Tagaytay.

hung out with a friend? Andi and I went to a Korean barbecue place at UPTC (again), but we also drove to UP after just to revisit the good old days of being in campus.

bought clothes? H&M in Feliz.

spent more than you had planned? Ramen Nagi. I had a couple of add-ons in my meal and I didn’t know their service fee was going to be quite high, so my final bill ended up being slightly more than the budget I planned out for that day.

saw a band/singer/musician perform? Late 2019. My ex and I stopped by a jazz bar and there was a live band playing.

WHEN was the last time you...

told someone 'I love you'? Last Friday.

cried? Last night.

laughed? This morning. Cooper was being silly around me and my dad, as always. This time he was unusually behaved when we let him out, and the bizarreness of it all made us so unsettled we ended up laughing.

left your home? Last Sunday. I might go out later, too.

drank a soda/pop? Early last year. There was Coke being served at an org event, and since I felt thirsty and there was no drinking fountain around I just said fuck it and drank the soda.

made your bed? Last night when I left my room to settle in the living room.

visited a doctor? May last year.

went to the emergency room? Other than when 23 years ago when I was born, I’ve never been brought to the emergency room.

kissed someone? September.

hugged someone? Mid-January.

prayed? Six years ago. Or maybe five; I can’t really tell when exactly I made it a point to stop for good.

worked out? Around a week ago. I’m thinking if I should keep at it or if I should just stop, seeing as I’m not willing to give up my favorite foods anyway lmao.

made a phone call? I tried to make a phone call to our internet provider last weekend.

answered a phone? The other evening when the landline rang.

had an argument? Two weeks ago, instigated by my mom as usual.

played a video game? I think 2-3 weeks ago when I got in the mood to play the Switch.

played a card game? Safe to say at least a couple of years ago.

played a board game? November when we suffered a power outage for two days and had nothing to do at home.

rode a bike? LOOOOOOOOL March. The lockdown had just started and I made plans to learn how to ride a bike, but those plans fell through as soon as they began.

fell on your butt? This doesn’t happen often.

took a shower? Last night.

took a bubble bath? I can’t even remember anymore; this is a rare occasion for me.

watched TV? I last watched a TV show in general last night, but I last watched something on an actual television last Sunday when my family watched a Sunday mass livestream.

saw a movie at a theater? December 2019.

ate fast food? I got Bonchon for my family last December, if I remember correctly. My dad had done a huge favor for me and I asked what I can do to repay it, and he said to just buy dinner for the 5 of us for that evening.

ordered a pizza? Last month.

made someone laugh? I’m not sure if I had made her laugh in real life, but Angela and I had a humorous conversation over chat earlier this morning.

sang? Few minutes ago.

played a musical instrument? Absolutely no clue.

read a book? Couple of weeks ago when my employer sent me this book on PR that I was asked to read in preparation for my meeting with Leah.

drove a car? Last Sunday.

went swimming? Think it may have been my Nasugbu trip with Angela, Sofie, and Gabie back in August 2019.

got a sunburn? Idk man, when I was 8? I stopped getting sunburns as I got older.

went to church or temple? The last Sunday in March before the lockdown started.

went shopping? I did my final around of Christmas shopping last month for friends I still had to give presents to.

drank alcohol? Sometime last month after my work shift, following back-to-back meetings with my least favorite client.

smoked a cigarette? Feb last year, I think. I don’t buy cigarettes of my own and I’m also a lot more watchful of my cigarette usage, so I haven’t been able to smoke since I haven’t been around a crowd who does. I mostly vape.

threw up? I last felt like throwing up back in May, but I haven’t actualy thrown up in at least a couple of years now.

had a headache? Just this Thursday.

had a cold? No idea.

had the flu? It wasn’t strictly the flu, but I was last sick in May.

had your hair cut? March last year.

dyed your hair? Never done it.

laughed so hard that you cried? It’s happened in at least the past couple of weeks, I’m sure.

#survey #surveys

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the-awkward-outlaw · 5 years ago

Note

Hii, I'm actually sad-sweet-cowboah and I've always wanted to request something from you! How about modern AU, Arthur surprises reader with a horse she's been really eyeing for a while? Maybe it doubles as a cute proposal? (and just for reference, a gorgeous golden Palomino Quarter Horse!)

Ah I’m so glad you sent this in to me! This was a lot of fun, and Arthur is fucking adorable! 16/10 best boyfriend/husband material, you cannot change my mind! (Will someone make that into a meme?) Anyways, have fun!

Masterlist

Read on AO3

(BTW, Arthur’s hot as hell in this pic.....)

Arthur stands on the deck of his house, lost in thought. He really should be in the barn, finishing up the last of the day’s work, but he’s worried. You should’ve been home half an hour ago and yet he still hasn’t heard from you. He’s texted you, but nothing. Maybe you’re just stuck in traffic.

You and Arthur have lived together for over a year, and been dating for over two years. He remembers how he convinced you to move in with him, as you’d been adamant. Hell, it’d been hard enough to get you to date him.

When you both first met, it was like a spark between you. However, you were scared of taking the next step with him, as you were just a natural loner. Not only that, you’d been alone for so long you didn’t think there would be anyone who wanted to be with you. So when Arthur asked you to be his girlfriend, you almost ran off, sure he was pulling your leg. However, something told you that you needed to be brave, to take the leap, so you did.

About 8 months later, Arthur really wanted you to move in with him on his little ranch, tucked in a canyon not too far from a small mountain town. But again, you were hesitant. It’s not that you didn’t love him, just the opposite in fact. You were so in love, you were constantly terrified that you’d mess up, that he’d end up hating you when you ended up living together. The last thing you wanted was to mess this up.

Then, shortly after your first year anniversary, the Coronavirus pandemic hit and everyone was sent into quarantine. Luckily you were able to work remotely, so you didn’t lose much money. It was nice working from home, you could stay in your pj’s all day, not worry about makeup, none of that stuff. But you missed seeing your boyfriend and he missed you. The two of you did plenty of video chats, but it wasn’t the same. You couldn’t smell him, hug him, touch him, kiss him… nothing. You tried doing some video sex, but you got outrageously uncomfortable doing it over video chat (what if some hacker got in?), and Arthur wasn’t all that comfortable either.

Those 60 days were some of the longest and loneliest of your life. You would’ve easily gone to his home and see you, but his little town wanted absolutely no outsiders to come in, so they blocked the roads, preventing you and Arthur from visiting. When quarantine was lifted, that was when you decided to move in with Arthur. After all, you didn’t know if there would be another one. You could work remotely, only having to go into the office a couple times a month for meetings, so the work situation with you was easy enough.

That was over a year ago, and despite your fears that the two of you would end up breaking up after a few months, the opposite happened. Your relationship grew beyond what you thought and the two of you have never been more in love. Sure, there’s been a few arguments, but nothing bad enough to break things off. For the most part, you and Arthur get along famously.

Arthur sighs again, still feeling worried. Today was one of the days you had to go into the office for meetings. They never run past five, and the office is nearly an hour away, but it’s nearly eight in the evening. You should definitely be home by now. You must be stuck in traffic, which is why you’ve not answered any of his texts. He pulls out his phone and dials your number. Why he didn’t do this earlier is beyond him.

A few rings go by and you finally pick up. “Hey, babe,” you say.

He smiles. “Hey, darlin’. Just worried about ya. Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Just a big accident on the freeway. I stopped and got dinner too since it’s late. Should be home in like ten minutes.”

“Good. Kiss ya when I see ya,” he says and hangs up. That’s always how he says good bye to you over the phone and you love it.

Like clockwork, ten minutes go by and you pull into the driveway. He walks out of the house to greet you, pulling you into a tight hug and kissing you like he always does. He wants to tell you so badly what he’s got planned, but it’s gotta be a surprise. Under no circumstance can he spoil it. Not like this.

After dinner, the two of you cuddle up on the couch and watch a show before going to bed. He can tell you’re exhausted. These meeting days are your least favorite and they always wipe you out. Arthur cradles your head to his chest as you lie in bed. Within seconds, he hears you snore softly, making him smile. He goes back to thinking about tomorrow.

Arthur’s owned this ranch for most of his life. It wasn’t always his though. He grew up here with his adopted fathers, Hosea and Dutch. However, Hosea was killed very suddenly a few years ago in a car crash after he’d been hit by a drunk driver. His death had been so sudden that it hit Dutch extremely hard. Dutch ended up just vanishing one day, driven by grief and confusion. Arthur hasn’t seen him since.

The ranch fell into his hands after Dutch disappeared. He secretly hopes that maybe Dutch will come back someday, if he’s still alive that is. He’d love you two to meet, as he’s sure Dutch would like you better than his last serious girlfriend Mary.

His thoughts drift to her and he feels even more nervous. He’d been engaged to her for three months before she’d broken it off. She claimed it was because she hated his location, that she wanted to live in the city, not some small mountain town where everything was far away. Perhaps that was true, but he suspected there was more to it than that. After all, when Mary’s father discovered that Arthur had two fathers, he was extremely upset that Mary was dating someone raised by homosexuals. He’s always suspected that her father had a big reason behind why they broke up. Not only that, but he wonders if she was seeing a guy on the side. How could she go from being engaged to being in a new relationship only three weeks after they broke up? Good riddance, though, he thinks. He loves you a hundred times more than he ever loved her.

You’ve never cared about his upbringing, stating that Hosea and Dutch were at least good parents to him. You’ve known far too many heterosexual parents who were awful, and how many gay couples are out there who’d love to have kids and be the best parents. You weren’t in contact with your parents anymore (he still didn’t even know what they look like), so they aren’t an issue.

Arthur starts thinking about how sad and lonely your life has been. How you spent so many years alone and how you believed you’d die alone. He’s so grateful for having met you. You don’t deserve to die alone, you’re too good of a person. He kisses your head as you sleep, overwhelmed with his sense of love for you. A smile makes its way to his lips as he thinks about tomorrow.

Over the past year, as you’ve grown more comfortable to ranch life, you’ve been thinking about maybe getting your own horse. Arthur has a few that you’re certainly welcome to, of course, but you’ve been wanting one to call your own for a while now. A few weeks ago, you’d both been in town to go to the one grocery store there. As the truck went down the highway and passed another ranch, you saw the signs “horses for sale”. In the pasture was a beautiful palomino quarter horse. It looked like it was made of gold as it grazed in the sun. You begged Arthur to stop the truck and just go see the horse.

He pulled over, unable to resist your excitement, and you went to the fence. The palomino, along with most of its pasture mates, came over to investigate you and Arthur. You patted her nose and Arthur could tell you were already in love with her. However, he had no idea what her temperament was like, so he came up with a plan.

On the days when you had to go to meetings, Arthur went to the horse’s owner to ask questions and get acquainted with the horse. She was young, only three, but the owner had raised her and trained her himself. He invited Arthur to go on a trail ride using her so he could see how good of a riding horse she was. After only twenty minutes on her, Arthur knew she was perfect for you. She responded to his lightest touch and command. After the trail ride, Arthur bought her, but he kept her at her former owners so you wouldn’t see her too soon.

Yesterday, while you’d been gone, Arthur went and picked the horse up and brought her back. She didn’t have a name yet, but he wanted you to have that privilege. The man who raised her called her Sierra, but he knew that was your mother’s name and you were unlikely to keep it as you had no desire to see her for as long as he’s known you. He struggles to fall asleep, feeling like a kid on Christmas, excited to show you his gift. He’s also terrified as he’s going to use the horse as a segway for the biggest decision of his life.

************************************************

The next morning, Arthur gets up much earlier than usual. He’s normally up a bit past sunrise so he can feed the animals and get an earlier start on cleaning before it gets hot. This morning, though, you wake up at the crack of dawn and find his side of the bed empty. After grabbing a cup of coffee, you go out and find him just finishing feeding the chickens.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he says, a big grin on his face.

You say good morning and he comes over, leaning across the fence so he can kiss you.

“Hey, I got a couple more chores to do, but once they’re done, I got somethin’ to show ya.”

“Okay, I’ll help. What needs to be done?”

He smiles, loving how willing you always are to help him out. It makes his life a lot easier. He struggles though, as most of the remaining chores were in the stables with the horses, including yours.

“Um… well, why don’t you go through the chicken coop, see about eggs.”

You nod and go off to grab the collecting basket. Arthur asks you to finish feeding the chickens as well so he can go into the stable. After collecting nearly a dozen eggs and placing them in the egg storage so they can be sold this weekend, you brush off your hands and start heading into the stables. Arthur darts out, slightly sweaty from his work.

“Woo, it’s hot. Hey baby, um, maybe you can go get us some drinks?” he says. His tone is weird, like he’s hiding something.

“Um… okay. Everything okay?”

“Everythin’s just fine.” He kisses you again real quick and then shoots back into the stables.

After retrieving two beer bottles, you go out to find Arthur in the paddock, which is attached to the right side of the barn so the horses can go in and out of their stalls. He’s wringing his gloved hands a bit, but smiles when he sees you. What is going on with him?

“Thanks, darlin’,” he says when you go into the pen and hand him his beer. Instead of opening it, he places it onto a post of the fence. “I wanted to show you somethin’.”

He looks to the barn and whistles. Odd, he’s looking at one of the stalls that’s been empty the entire time you’ve lived here. Something snorts and out walks the golden horse you’d been admiring for the past few weeks. You gasp and put your hands over your mouth.

“Arthur, is that…?”

“She’s yours, sweetheart. I took her for a ride a while ago, she’s a good horse.”

The filly walks over to you and snorts in greeting, stretching her neck out to bump her nose to your hand. Tears leak out of your eyes as you start rubbing her neck, going down to her withers.

“Arthur, she’s beautiful!”

He chuckles softly and walks over to hug you, grinning as you bury your face into his chest. God, you couldn’t ask for a sweeter boyfriend.

“Thank you so much, Arthur! I love her.”

“Good. What’s her name?”

“Did she not have one before?”

He tells you what her name used to be, but as he predicted, you don’t like it. You think for a moment, studying her golden coat. She swishes her silver tail.

“Maybe… Freyja? I know you like having names of gods and goddesses for your horses.”

Arthur chuckles as he thinks about his two favorite horses, Boadicea and Artemis. “If that’s what you want, darlin’. She’s your horse though, you name her whatever feels right.”

You look at her and smile. “Freyja feels right.”

Freyja snorts, not giving a single damn about her name. Her eyes are soft as you pat her neck again.

“Well, why don’t we groom miss Freyja? Maybe you can ride her around the pasture, see how you like her.”

You nod and go into the stables to grab a brush and hoof pick. Freyja’s very patient as you groom her, standing still as you clean out her feet. Arthur hauls out the heavy saddle after you throw on her saddle blanket and grab her bridle. After cinching on the saddle and adjusting the stirrups, Arthur says, “Oh I forgot somethin’, hold on.”

He goes into the stables as you pat the horse’s neck again, anxious to hop into the saddle. He comes back out, empty handed and looking frustrated.

“I thought I left it in there,” he grunts, coming back over to you.

“What you looking for?”

“A thing,” he says, ignoring you and shoving his hand into the saddle bag. “I thought I left it… ah ha! Don’t know how it got in there.”

He pulls his hand out and you see a small, velvety box. He brushes it off quickly and then holds it out to you.

“Sweetheart, I uh… I been thinking about doin’ this for a while. It would… it would mean a lot to me.”

You take the box, your stomach clenching. Is this a ring? Or is it something else and you’re just being hopeful? Your heart pounding in your ears, you open the box and see the ring. You gasp. It’s not a diamond, you always hated diamonds. Too common and overpriced. Instead, it’s a silver band, the metal engraved with fancy, swooping curls, a gem in your favorite color perched on top.

“Arthur?” you say, your voice squeaking as you take out the ring.

He clasps your hands in his, the ring nestled in your palm. “I wanna marry ya, sweetheart. You… well, you’re more than I could ever hope for in a companion. I never thought I’d wanna marry someone again after Mary…” he looks down and swallows. You know all about her of course. “But that was until I fell in love with you. There’s no doubt in my mind that I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.”

Fresh tears are cascading down your cheeks. You look at the ring again and Arthur’s suddenly afraid you’ll say no, or that you’re not ready. He worries that he might have to try and talk you into this like he had when he wanted to date you and then have you move in. He doesn’t want to do that with this though. Just as his stomach begins to sink, you smile up at him.

“Yes, Arthur. I will marry you, a thousand times.”

He smiles, swallowing a wave of his own tears and cups your cheek. He takes the ring and slides it onto your finger, then he presses his forehead to yours. For several moments, you both stand there in this position, letting the world go by as you bask in one another’s presence. You slide a hand over his neck, wanting to be even closer to him, your future husband.

Suddenly something shoves your shoulder hard and it’s followed by a loud snort. Arthur chuckles, pulling away from you. “Think Freyja wants your attention again.”

You laugh and kiss him before facing your horse and climbing into the saddle (with his help of course). You adjust yourself in the saddle, sliding both feet into the stirrups. Arthur pats your thigh and tells you to just walk around the pen so that you and Freyja can get acquainted with the feel of one another.

As Arthur watches you walk with your horse, he feels a sense of excitement and contentment. Excited for the future, of course, but he’s never been so sure about anything as he is about this. Marrying you is the only thing he could do, he’s never wanted anything more.

#rdr2 fanfic #red dead fanfic #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x female reader #awkward asks

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femmeharringrove · 4 years ago

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merry christmas yall have the first chapter of a fic i completely forgot about

It’s Christmas eve, and Steve hasn’t slept in at least three days but that’s fine.

It’s not, not really, but those are the two words the boy has learned to live off of: that’s fine. It’s the motto of complacency, his father said once, after hearing it on the radio. Steve was just twelve at the time and already knew then that his father’s opinion wasn’t worth shit. Steve isn’t complacent, thank you very much. If he has to label himself, he thinks chill is a better word. He’s a chill guy, he’s the most chill person he knows, and everyone loves a chill person so it’s fine.

It’s stupidly early and he’s on the stupid green sofa in his stupid big house and he feels like shit, which is a surprise to exactly no one. The living room is a mess – he should clean it, he thinks vaguely, but he doesn’t plan on making a move anytime soon. If his parents were coming home he’d do it; can’t have them knowing their son’s become a wallowing slouch as of late. But they’re not coming.

His mother called yesterday, trilling over the line in her unnaturally pitched voice about how Prague was just beautiful this time of year and she wished he could be there to see but someone had to hold the fort down and speaking of they just won’t be able to make it back for the holidays but how would he feel about driving to Cincinnati on New Year’s Eve to join them at one of his father’s business socials that would be fun right? And Steve just listened because what else could he do?

He hadn’t been expecting them, anyway. The family hadn’t celebrated Christmas together in four years.

And in those four years he’d had options. Tommy’s family was happy to have him over, he spent many a holiday with the Hagans and then he’d spent that one truly merry Christmas with the Wheelers, and it was fine, but now he’s got none of that. This year, it’s him and the big empty house and he sort of hates it but it’s fine, thanks.

Steve watches the shadows on the wall shift with the rising sun and feels some vague sense of relief; it’s easier to breathe when the sun is out. That’s what’s been bothering him, really. When he does sleep, his dreams are plagued with darkness and cold and danger, and when he wakes up it’s still darkness and he feels like he can’t breathe. Those nightmares have gotten worse, infinitely worse over time. It’s easier to avoid sleep altogether sometimes. And he has no obligations this holiday season, no parties to appear at or houses to crash, so he can afford the heavy circles under his eyes this year.

It’s fine. It has to be fine, so it is. Even if it isn’t really.

Hawkins got snow last night. Steve drags himself up from his seat and meanders to the back door, eyes gazing out over the endless white carpeting the ground outside. He used to love snow. Now anything cold makes him uncomfortable. He hates the winter, makes him think of the dark Upside Down.

Or that damned Soviet Union and their officers and their cold, cruel faces watching on as he tells them he’s not a spy.

Had that really been this year? It feels like a lifetime ago. It feels like just yesterday. He tears his eyes away from the snow and pads into the kitchen in search of something warm. Coffee? Definitely coffee. He waits in the kitchen while the dark beverage brews and since he’s here he figures he may as well get some food into his body. Steve can cook – it becomes a necessity when you spend most of your childhood devoid of parents – but he doesn’t really want to cook. Takes too much energy, and he’s not willing to put said energy into that. So he goes with toast, because you can never go wrong with toast, right? He even slathers the bread with copious amounts of butter. It’s not the most fulfilling breakfast, but he likes it well enough.

The coffee finishes brewing and Steve spills a good bit of his father’s whiskey into it before dunking three spoonfuls of sugar in and retreating back to the couch. He grabs the remote on his way over and drops himself gracelessly on the cushions before pressing a button. The screen flickers to life and he chugs half of the hot beverage, flips through channel after channel before settling on some feel-good holiday movie. He hates these movies, he really does, but if he’s lucky it might be enough to lull him to sleep for an hour or so.

Steve used to love Christmas movies. He watched families on television gather together and enjoy one another’s company, children waiting for the magic of Santa Claus while parents shared tender moments under mistletoe. It was everything a younger Steve had desired in a holiday. Even when he had his parents home for Christmas, things had been different. Their home was filled with strange adults, co-workers of his father’s and social acquaintances of his mother’s. Santa Claus never came to visit him – his parents would simply give him a gift or two gathered from their trips abroad. He used to enjoy it, but as he got older the presents got less and less interesting, less personal. He went from wishing for those perfect movie-esque holidays to resenting them. That being said, they have their appeal.

Even now Steve can’t help but get a sense of warm comfort and joy radiating from the film, a warm sensation wrapping around his chest. It’s a strange comfort to him, in spite of his bitterness. There’s something inherently warm about holidays, and yet Steve finds himself feeling cold. He wonders idly what his parents are doing now, if they’ll remember to call tomorrow. The boy sits and sips on coffee and wonders and he’s right about the movie because he ends up dozing for a little bit. He dreams of families and caroling and trees and the whole scene takes on a peaceful, golden haze. Something almost physical wounds around his body like a cat rubbing along his frame in a form of greeting. It’s the nicest dream he’s had in a long time.

Which is why, when the doorbell startles him out of his dreams, Steve feels like he’s capable of murder.

The boy is so confused at first he doesn’t realize it’s his doorbell. When the incessant ringing gets accompanied by an even more incessant knocking on the door, Steve groans. The warmth seeps away and he heaves himself up from the couch. The mug is drained of its remaining lukewarm contents before he sets it on the coffee table. Footsteps land heavy as he stomps his way to the door, yanking it open and preparing to bite off the head of whoever dared to disturb him so early on Christmas Eve of all days.

His face morphs from a snarl to a look of surprise. Dustin grins up at him, oblivious to Steve’s previous anger.

And he’s not alone, either. El is there, too, brown eyes sparkling at him, arm tucked in Max’s as they flash him identical grins. On Dustin’s other side, Will’s smile is something more timid than the rest of his co-conspirators. Steve’s shoulders drop.

“What are you dipshits doing out here?” he snaps playfully. “Not you, of course, Will.” Will’s smile widens while Dustin and the girls make faces of protests.

“Hey!” Dustin squawks indignantly. “I’m your favorite, that’s not allowed to change!”

“Oh yeah?” Steve’s hands settled on his hips. “Who rang the doorbell?” El’s hand shoots up. “Uh-huh. And who started knocking?” The younger boy shares a guilty look with Max, who kicks guiltily at the ground. Will blinks at him in innocent confusion. Steve smirks. “So, every single one of you played a role in waking me up from my nap with the exception of Will. Little Byers is now my favorite.” Max groans and Dustin makes another scandalized sound, while Will and El both try to hide their giggles. Steve feels a mix of fondness and frustration as he watches them; that seems to be his default emotion around these damned kids. Shaking his head, Steve opens the door wider. “Okay, okay, now why don’t you all come in so I can figure out what I owe this visit to?”

“No need,” El responds, her laughter dying down. That amused happiness never leaves her face, however. “Will you have dinner with us?”

“Mom and Hopper want you to join us,” Will adds. “You can help out with the tree and everything.”

“And baking and cooking and shit, because Hop and Mrs. Byers aren’t the best in the kitchen,” Max finishes, and even though Will makes a small attempt to protest he and El share a knowing shudder. Dustin bounces on his feet slightly as he looks up at the older boy.

“Plus, if you say yes I can ride back to the house with you!” He grins broadly. “Whaddya say?” Steve blinks.

What does he say?

It’s a nice idea, sure. He loves these kids, feels safe with the two adults in question, and spending the day with them promises to be interesting at the very least. But if they’re all there, he has little doubt about Nancy and Jonathan being there too, and he’s really not mad about it anymore but there’s a little bit of awkwardness lingering between the trio. And even if he did go, those lovebirds will have each other. The party has each other, Hopper has Joyce. Steve is bound to be left out eventually. He knows it’s not on purpose, of course, but he knows how this goes. How many times has it happened before? And he’s already a little bit pissy this holiday season, that truth isn’t likely to make this any more enjoyable.

But eight pairs of eyes watch him expectantly, hopeful looks etched onto their faces. Steve’s gaze shifts past them, down the driveway and he finds Hopper’s truck waiting at the end and he doesn’t have to see the man to know he’s also waiting for an answer.

He doesn’t like disappointing people. He’s chill, Steve goes with the flow as a matter of principle, and this is where the flow seems to be leading. He makes a show of sighing, theatrics making the kids smile even wider.

“I shouldn’t –“ A series of pleas and protests interrupt him and he has to work hard to keep from smiling. Damn, Steve should have run off to New York or Hollywood and becoming an actor, he’s good at this. “- Oh, alright. I guess I can come for a little while. Dustin pumps his fist into the air as the others grin widely. Dustin rushes to the Beamer and Max isn’t far behind.

“Get your keys, Harrington, let’s get moving!” he shouts. Steve can’t help but laugh.

“Hang on, you little gremlin, I gotta get real clothes on! And do my hair!” The two set on riding with him dart back over and duck under his arm into the house, and Steve waves Will and El off. “Go on, you two, don’t wait for me. Tell Hop I’ll bring the little devils with me,” he orders. Both nod eagerly before setting off back to the car. Steve sees them off before turning back into the house. Max is in the living room, face wrinkled into something resembling disgust.

“Jesus, Steve,” she says, “Do you ever clean this place?” It has gotten pretty bad over the past month or so. Steve tries not to wince at the judgement he feels radiating off of the redhead.

“Never, it’s a point of pride at this point,” he teases instead, and she makes another face, nose crinkling before she rolls her eyes and makes a snide comment about messy boys. Steve reaches over and ruffles her hair, reveling in her giggled squawk of protest. “Oh, be nice, Mayfield. It’s a holiday!” Dustin’s footsteps thud down the stairs.

“It is the holidays, so I know you got me a gift, Harrington,” he states, eyes narrowing. “Where is it?” Max perks up in interest now, spinning from the curly-haired kid to the taller boy, eyebrows arching up.

“Oh, uh, presents? Yeah, um -” Steve smiles sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck. Dustin’s eyes go wide.

“You forgot?” He marches down the rest of the stairs. “I can’t believe you, Harrington! Party members are supposed to get gifts for other party members! How could you forget?”

“Steeeve,” Max whines, head falling back dramatically. “I can’t believe you!” And she shouldn’t. Neither of them should. Again, he’s sure he’s missed his calling in life with the whole acting thing. Of course he got gifts for them – tucked safely away in the trunk of his car. He doesn’t plan on outright putting his name on them, but he’s sure the kids will figure it out tomorrow morning, which ones he leaves for them.

Chuckling at their antics, Steve hops up the stairs two at a time and dives into his room. How did this become his life, dealing with more barely-pubescent teens than any nineteen-year-old should? Steve’s shower is quick, and he styles up his hair before digging out an ugly sweater his grandmother had gotten him four years ago. Back then people were convinced the boy would go through a growth spurt; he did, but he hadn’t beefed up in the way everyone anticipated. The sweater still remains baggy on his slender frame, but he wears it nonetheless. Jeans are hastily yanked on and socked feet are shoved into sneakers before he trips his way down the steps.

Max and Dustin are anxious by the door, and he grins at them as he approaches the hall closet and grabs a coat. He hears his keys jangle softly in the pocket as he pulls it over his shoulders.

“The two of you have no patience,” he teases, watching them dash out to the car. He follows at a slower pace, amusement tugging at his lips. The kids are practically buzzing with excited energy, urging him to speed up, and they clamor into the car the moment he gets it unlocked, Max beating Dustin out for the coveted shotgun position. The younger boy pouts at Steve in the rearview mirror. Steve smiles right back at him. “Don’t look at me, she won this round, buddy.” Max’s smile is smug next to him, and Dustin scowls before slumping in the backseat. Steve shakes his head. “Alright, everybody buckle – even you, slouch potato,” The kid’s sulking is immediately replaced with a displeased squawk, and Steve doesn’t bother to hide his pleased smile as he eases out of the driveway and out onto the road.

It’s an easy trip; Steve exits Loch Nora and cruises down Dearborn. From there it’s a turn onto Maple and he has Max dig out cassettes from the glove box now. Wham! sings about holidays and heartbreak as Steve drives carefully past the Sinclair home, then the Wheelers not long after. He’s sure the occupants of both homes are either not there or too busy to be peering out of curtains in search of their kids’ babysitter, but he doesn’t want to risk having them see him do anything remotely reckless, and so he adheres to the laws of the road. Once he turns onto Cornwallis Street, he relaxes, speed inching up as he goes. Dustin’s previous sour mood has all but evaporated and he talks in that loud way of his, leaning up so he can get a look at the two people upfront. Max is just as chatty, and Steve is happy to let them converse, offering small hums here and there to show he’s listening.

He’s not really listening, but he doesn’t need them knowing.

Whiskey eyes try to focus on the road as he makes another turn, this time onto Kerley. It’s been five months since Hawkins last had to fight off monsters. Five months since the mall went down in flames. Five months since the Soviets and their needles and their gate.

He has nightmares still, about the room and the faces and the pain. Sometimes Robin’s there, panicked eyes screaming at him to help. Other times he sees Dustin, the kid looking betrayed as the general smugly tells him about Steve’s slip-up in his interrogation. Some nights he has dreams that leave him feeling physically cold. Those are the dreams he can never remember – whenever he tries, his head aches in a sharp sort of way that quickly has him leaving the whole thing alone. Even now as he thinks about it a dull throb warns him against it just behind his eyes. His thoughts wander further as the Beamer rolls onto Mirkwood.

Robin thinks he needs help. She may be right. Two weeks ago he almost had a full-blown panic attack in the back room of Family Video after seeing someone who looked eerily like the so-called doctor that ended up tugging his fingernails out with horrific ease. Even Keith had been surprised, awkwardly giving him the rest of the day off. Robin, bless her soul, tried talking him down, but ultimately she just held him while he sobbed frantically. Every day after that she gave him this look and he felt like he was suffocating under the weight of her pity, the cold force of her concern, the bitterness of her remorseful anger.

He still isn’t sure how he knew she was feeling all of that so clearly. Steve’s not great at a lot of things, but he’s always had a knack for reading a room. You learned how to do that after witnessing your parents have screaming matches almost every night they actually spent the night in Hawkins; he had to decide whether the tension in the air was manageable or too electric for him to safely involve himself in. When you struggle up the social ladder of high school, you learn how to read people and earn their favor. It’s his thing, always interpreting. It’s been five months since that little quirk seemed to get more sensitive. He doesn’t exactly know how he feels about that, or if it’s a good thing at all.

Steve slowly tunes back into conversation as he turns off of Mirkwood and makes his way down a simple dirt path. From what he can tell, Dustin and Max didn’t quite miss his additions to their conversation during the drive. Easily the two chattiest people in the Party, the older teen’s convinced they could talk for a week straight, without pause, and never notice the lack of anyone else’s input. It’s impressive, if you ask Steve. Max’s electric blue eyes catch his for a moment and she grins widely. She looks for all the world like a normal girl, not like someone who’d almost lost her brother on the Fourth of July.

The Beamer finally comes to a halt. Steve laughs as the two kids scramble out of the car and rush up the driveway. He takes a moment to turn the ignition off and now he’s suddenly feeling rather hesitant.

Why did he let them talk him into this?

The boy slumps in his seat. He should go home. He should crawl onto the couch in the living room and hide under blankets the rest of the night. The kids would not be particularly pleased with him, he’s sure, but he’ll make up for it with the gifts in the trunk. But if he leaves, when is he going to have a chance to leave those gifts for them? He certainly can’t come back tomorrow, and after that he’s just going to feel bad. Up ahead, Dustin’s head tilts as he looks back at the car.

“Harrington! You coming?” Steve hesitates, waves the kid off, and as soon as Dustin turns again he drops his head against the wheel.

He really, really should leave.

The door is slammed shut with a nudge of his hip, and Steve trudges his way up the driveway. Joyce is at the door, all smiles as usual. In spite of his doubts, the boy can’t help but smile back.

“Steve! I’m so glad you came,” she greets, pulling him into a hug as soon as he gets near. Steve settles in her hold for a few brief moments before tugging away reluctantly.

“Hey, Mrs. Byers. I would have brought something with me, but -“ Joyce cuts him off, gentle hands waving about dismissively.

“Oh, none of that,” she chides, “And it’s Joyce, honey. Besides, you can still help in the kitchen.” Her smile turns almost sheepish. “Hopper and I could use an extra hand.” Both of them are stellar single parents, but Steve knows for a fact that neither can cook to save their lives. Steve’s been mastering the art since he was thirteen, he’s gotten quite good at it. He nods at the woman as he slips past her into the house and for a moment he’s overwhelmed by how homey the place looks.

Wrapping paper, string lights, and other festive odds and ends litter the floor. Hopper and Jonathan seem to be in the process of setting up the tree in a corner. A holiday record plays loudly, barely heard over the roaring chatter of the kids yelling and running around. It’s chaos, the very best kind. He’s surrounded by the inherent warmth of it all and the lingering trepidation melts away quickly as Steve lets his shoulders relax.

Eleven notices him first among the kids, and is quick to slip out of a confused Mike’s grip to greet him. Her hug is warm, and Steve holds her tight, one hand rubbing her back as he returns her embrace.

“Hey, kid,” he chuckles, ruffling her hair. Eleven beams up at him.

“You came,” she proclaims. Now Steve lets out a full laugh.

“Well, of course I did! I couldn’t just not show up. Besides, you and Will left me with the little hellions, remember?” Will comes next, shy smile creeping across his face as he tucks himself easily against Steve’s side. Steve pretends to give him a scolding look. “Had my ear talked off the whole way here thanks to you.” Will knows for a fact the older teen isn’t even remotely upset with him. The attempted glare melts into a grin and the boy relaxes, his smile growing easier as his slender arm squeezes around Steve’s waist, then retracts as he backs off. Lucas, already trapped on the ground with Max and Erica, waves in greeting. His teeth flash brilliantly in his bright grin and Steve tips an imaginary hat in his direction. Not too far off, Mike nods in his own greeting, gruff in his usual manner but maybe the holiday magic is working because there’s something unusually friendly about the gesture. Steve returns it in kind.

When Nancy makes her appearance, she falters at the sight of him and Steve’s body almost flinches with the strangeness of it all. Her eyes blink once, twice before she gives him that sad smile.

“I didn’t know you were coming.” Steve’s answering smile is painfully awkward.

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t planning on coming. The kids roped me into this last-minute, you know how it is with them.” He becomes distinctly aware of Jonathan eyeing them from across the room and clears his throat.

Yeah, maybe this is a little bit of a mistake.

His escape comes in the form of Hopper, the man’s burly arm falling across his shoulders in a gruff greeting.

“Glad you decided to show up, kid. You’re the only competent chef in this house,” he jokes, but it isn’t really a joke. You’d think a couple of adults would know how to cook a decent meal – well, Joyce can cook a decent meal, but it’s just that. His smile is only slightly less awkward as he’s guided into the kitchen, tossing an odd sort of goodbye to the girl as he goes. Joyce gives him a relieved look as he enters the kitchen.

“Steve, do you think you could help me with this soup?”

He’s kept pleasantly busy after that. Between helping with Joyce’s mushroom soup, letting Dustin peel carrots for the pot roast, taking that job away after the kid hacked apart the vegetables beyond recognition, and attempting to restore some general sense of order to the lawless land of the kitchen, Steve barely has time to think about Nancy or Jonathan or the yelling all around him. He hardly pays attention to the pleasant buzz filling his body as a result of the warm atmosphere. It’s dark by the time all the food gets finished. He’s oddly proud of himself as he looks at the spread of food on the table. It’s nothing fancy, but beef and soup and biscuits on Christmas Eve isn’t a bad idea if you ask him.

He can sit at the table with the rest of the adults. There’s space, and Joyce asks him sweetly if he’d like to sit with them. Steve feels decidedly more comfortable on the living room floor with the kids, however.

And that just seems to be the bulk of his problems sometimes, doesn’t it?

Steve Harrington is almost twenty years old, and he has nearly no friends his own age. To top things off, he also has no idea what he’s doing with himself currently, his past haunts his sleep and his waking hours, and his future is all but nonexistent. He peaked in high school and his life has been in a steady decline ever since. But it’s not all bad – at least he’s got the tragic honor of babysitting the six toughest kids in all the world.

And they aren’t even kids anymore, are they? They’re creeping up on their fifteenth birthdays, all of them. Dustin’s is less than a month away already. Steve can’t believe it. They were kids just yesterday, it feels. He was a kid just yesterday, wasn’t he? Monsters have a funny way of forcing you to grow up, he supposes. And they’ve truly grown, his kids.

Eleven’s curls bounce as her head swivels back and forth to follow their conversation, smile warm and genuine as she leans against Steve’s right. Dustin’s always by his side, the little snot. He looks so happy all the time, his eyes crinkling around the edges as he talks animatedly on his left. Mike’s grown so tall, it’s crazy. Coltish legs are folded awkwardly under him as he sits by Eleven’s side. Lucas rivals Mike in height, though he looks significantly less awkward as he leans up against an engaged Max. She’s cut her hair recently; it’s not a bad look, though he knows she wants to grow it back out again. Something about her is tinged with a bitter sadness, something that makes Steve’s throat choke up in a most peculiar way. He gets it, though; Billy’s brush with death wasn’t that long ago, and she’s still struggling with her grief. But she’ll be alright, he knows. Billy’s getting better, her friends are too stubborn to allow her to struggle alone, even if Billy isn’t their favorite. And on Mike’s other side, simply enjoying the moment, sits Will. He’s grown too, but he’s kept much of his quiet mannerisms. He catches Steve’s eye and smiles a little wider, an action Steve mimics.

Sometimes, the calmer Will Byers is the one Steve claims as his favorite. In all truth, he doesn’t have a favorite.

He has different relationships with each kid, that’s all. His relationships with some are weaker than others, weaker than he liked them to be. Some of them share a bond even Steve can’t explain. But the one thing each relationship has in common is the boy’s love for each and every one of them. There’s no favoritism, even if he tells them otherwise. There’s no choosing, none of that. Each of these six kids have Steve’s whole heart.

It’s Eleven who catches him staring next, and she must see the fondness on his face because the smile she gives him is soft and tender and knowing in its own way. Eleven took to him surprisingly quick; he didn’t quite understand it yet, but he was glad the kid felt so at ease with him.

He’s dragged into the present by Dustin very suddenly collapsing against his side, snorting in laughter as Mike stares at Lucas, offense clear on his face.

“How do you not like the Beastie Boys?” he questions, and now it’s Steve’s turn to snort.

“No one likes the Beastie Boys, Mike,” he chuckles, trying to ignore the appalled look the younger teen gives him. “It’s just what you listen to when you reach the teen rebellion phase.”

“I’m not rebellious!” Mike huffs. Steve’s sure Karen Wheeler would beg to differ.

He doesn’t want to spend the night. Joyce already has her hands full with all these kids, and he doesn’t want to add on to that, so he goes out to the car once the kids have all gone to sleep in the basement and gets his sack of presents and he’s going to leave after giving them to Hopper, but Joyce stops him, a curious look on her face.

“You’re not leaving, are you?” she questions. Steve feels awkward now, shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

“You’ve already got plenty of people spending the night, Mrs. By-“

“None of that,” she cuts him off with a wave of her hand. “You’ll have to come back tomorrow anyway if you leave, you’re having dinner with us.” Steve doesn’t remember agreeing to that, but now he doesn’t have a choice. Hopper, setting a gift under the tree, grunts in agreement.

“She’s right, kid,” he confirms as he stands straight again. “Can’t get out of this one, the kids won’t leave your door until you come back with them. It’ll be much easier on everyone if you just stay.”

And he doesn’t want to because this is their tradition, this is something they’ve been doing together for years as one large family and Steve isn’t really a part of that, so he wants to give them space, but Joyce is already dragging him back inside with the gifts, then she’s off grabbing blankets and Hopper busies him with the task of wrapping last-minute gifts until he forgets wanting to leave.

The couch is his for the night. Joyce gets him some of Jonathan’s clothes and even kisses his forehead and wishes him a merry Christmas before retreating to her room for the night. Hopper wishes him a good rest, and he understands because it’s already ass o’clock in the morning and it’s only a matter of time before those kids come barreling up the stairs to yell about their gifts. The living room is dark, aside from the gentle blinking of the string lights on the tree. It’s a silent night, indeed. He feels warm, and not just from the blankets tucked in close around him.

For the first time in three nights, Steve sleeps. He’s blissfully without dreams.

It lasts barely five hours.

The basement door is opened quite aggressively, and a cacophony of feet thud in before he hears a loud hushing sound, followed by the loudest whisper he’s ever heard.

“Dudes, Steve’s asleep!” one of the little shits hisses. Steve’s fairly sure it’s Dustin. He prays they turn around and go back downstairs for another hour or two.

“Shut up, he’s gonna hear you!” a girl’s voice hisses back, and she’s impossibly louder than the first kid – undeniably Max, Eleven would never whisper that loud. Jesus, who taught them how to whisper?

“Both of you shut up, let’s just get to the target,” a third, quieter voice butts in, and they’re just quiet enough that Steve can’t tell who it is, which tells him it’s either Mike or Will. He’s betting on Mike.

He knows what their target is. Steve takes a moment to contemplate. Either he lets them poke around the presents until Jim or Joyce come in and stop them, which will definitely result in loud protesting and a permanent end to his rest, or he can get up now and get a little bit of sympathy from at least Will for them waking him up. Either way, he’s awake now.

He hears someone poking at a box and goes with the latter.

“Aren’t you little shitheads supposed to wait for your parents?” he groans, eyes peering at the group blearily. All six of them freeze.

“Abort mission?” Lucas whispers to Mike.

“Abort mission,” Steve confirms before the other kid gets a chance, sitting up and stretching. Eleven treads silently over to the sofa and finds her way under his blanket to press into his side.

“Merry Christmas,” she hums, as if she has nothing to do with the early morning shenanigans that roused him. Will joins them on the sofa, and it’s clear the other four are trying to decide how to best fit themselves on the piece of furniture with their babysitter. It’s about to get very cramped, he realizes.

“Yeah, yeah, bah humbug,” he grumbles in reply, but no one misses his fond smile.

Joyce makes her appearance thirty minutes after that, and of all the things she expects to see on a Christmas morning, this was decidedly not it. None of the kids on the couch notice her upfront, too caught up in their giggles and hushed conversation. Steve looks tired, she notes, but he’s not as pale or tired-looking as he was yesterday. He may not be her kid, but she worries about him nevertheless as if he was. Shaking her head slightly, she pads further into the room.

“I hope you all didn’t wake Steve up,” she tells the younger teens as she reaches the sofa. Guilty looks are shared and a few mouths open in hopes of explaining themselves, but Steve beats them all to the punch.

“They didn’t,” he covers, smiling softly up at the woman. “I was up before these hellions tried getting into the presents.” Joyce doesn’t believe him, not for a second, but she leaves it alone as she leans down and gives Will and Eleven kisses on their forehead. Max gets one next, followed by a gentle ruffling of Mike’s hair because he gets fussy about kisses. Lucas smiles as he gets a kiss, and Dustin responds in kind. Even Steve gets a kiss, and he smiles in spite of his surprise.

“Thank you, for keeping them out of the presents,” she tells him as she straightens up and sways off towards the kitchen. He thinks about going to help her, but he looks at the kids sprawled out on the sofa with him and he just can’t bring himself to make them get up, so he stays put. They whisper back and forth about present predictions (Dustin makes a passive comment about some people forgetting to buy presents, Max makes a face at Steve and it takes serious effort to not laugh), and by the time Joyce returns with coffee the six are practically bouncing with restlessness. Their excitement is downright infectious, Steve feels their giddy joy in his bones, his stomach twisting in a good sort of anxiousness. Hopper shuffles in soon after, makes his way directly to the kitchen and gets himself a mug of coffee. He brings an extra one out for a very grateful Steve. Mike makes a face when the smell of caffeine reaches his nose. Lucas doesn’t have to smell it before he gets that disgusted look on his face.

“I can’t understand why you drink that stuff,” he states. Steve inhales the warm smell, sips on the drink (and he’s got to give the chief a thanks because it’s got just the right amount of cream and sugar – not too much, but just enough to take the edge off of the bitter taste), and pauses for added drama before forming his response.

“Lucas, my friend, let’s revisit this conversation when you hit nineteen.” He rests the mug on top of Eleven’s wild curls and revels in her giggled protest.

Outside, the sun is just beginning to poke through the darkness. Steve glances towards the window, watches the black sky turning into blue, and couldn’t help but feel that maybe, maybe, this Christmas isn’t going to be so bad after all.

In an attempt to distract the gaggle of children from the glistening presents under the tree, Steve finally nudges the kids off of him and makes his way to his feet, and he stretches out his body with a few, satisfying cracks in his spine. He’s getting old.

“Hey. You little gremlins want hot cocoa?”

They do, of course they do. And they follow him like a line of duckling behind their mother as Steve trudges into the kitchen. They sit in a row and happily sip on the warm drinks as the brunette then sets about making breakfast. Joyce rubs his shoulder and says he didn’t have to, but Steve is happy to do it, he likes making himself useful. Besides, he’s good at this, the kids love his pancakes. He even whips up scrambled eggs and slices of wonderfully crisp bacon. The smell draws a bleary-eyed Jonathan from his room. He looks surprised by Steve’s presence, but offers a small smile.

“Merry Christmas,” he offers, ruffling Will’s hair on his way by. He pours himself a cup of coffee, and Steve smiles back at him.

“Yeah, Merry Christmas to you too.”

#steebie writes #steve harrington #stranger things au #stranger things fanfiction

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xxunicorncaitxx · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter one- Childhood memories

This is going to be a fanfiction with many warnings which I will add at the beginning of each chapter. This will also be posted on my wattpad account!!

All the credits go to @sammie-cant-write

Ialsogottheirpermissionsoyoudonthavetoworryaboutthat-

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Warnings: Abuse and Language

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Race's pov-

Nov. 1, 1993-

My life all started on the first of November, the year of 1993. Everything seemed perfect and happy. I was a healthy kid, which was a good thing, of course, but that didn't seem to last long.

"Anthony"

My mother said, smiling down at her one and only child in her arms. She was so happy, but my father on the other hand? He wasn't happy at all.

Nov. 10, 1993-

My parents have been fighting for 8 days now. It somehow turned into a physical argument.. every... single.. time.

"That worthless piece of shit!"

"Useless!"

"Just as ugly as you are!"

"He'll do this world no good"

"He'll grow to be a useless nobody.."

And I guess he was right. Maybe I am a worthless and ugly nobody. Maybe I didn't do this world any good.

It wasn't too long after one of the worst fights where he decided to leave. And for good.

Dec. 24, 1996-

"Ma?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Is Pop coming home for Christmas dis year?"

Those words brought a strange look onto my mother's face. I was confused as to why she looked so upset. Did I do something wrong? All I wanted was answers.

"No, he's not.. maybe next year."

"But Ma-"

"Anthony, I don't want to talk about it. Go to bed."

I did what I was told. Laying down in bed, I covered myself with the blanket and just cried until I was finally able to fall asleep.

April 16, 1997-

My mother's wedding to my step-father. To this day, I still don't know where they met or why she chose him as a husband.

I stood there and watched them get married, smiling, thinking that everything was going to be fine after that. Of course, I was wrong. Wasn't I always wrong?

Bruised and beaten and tired. Was it ever going to end?

Every day was a fresh start of being tormented. New bruises and cuts all over my body. Guilt and regret filled me as I already wanted to end my suffering. I was only so young and I didn't know what I did to deserve this.

Soon I start school. Great right? I will have to go in on my first day looking like a complete mess. That smile will always be fake no matter what, and I will feel so bad for those who are my friends.. if I even make any that is. They'll have to put up with a friend who is fake and nobody likes fake people. That's what I was told anyway.

Jan. 3, 2000-

I felt completely numb. Doctors and nurses rushed in and out of the room. They did everything they could to save her. No matter what they tried or how many times they did, nothing worked. Hours upon hours of sitting there with a blank expression on my face, a doctor said "I'm sorry" as they proceeded to take off their gloves. I stared at them for the longest time, not knowing what to say. Angry and upset, I ran home, tears streaming down my face.

Dinner was different without Ma. It was complete silence half the time. I didn't want to eat but I did anyway so I didn't make my step-father upset.

"How was your mother?" He asked, putting some of the food in his mouth

"Fine, I guess..."

"You lyin'?"

I set the fork down slowly and stared right into his dark brown eyes. That was a way of saying 'yes'

"Are you serious? I thought I told you not to lie"

"Y-You did, sir..." (I called him 'sir' because why the fuck would I call him dad?)

"Then why are you?"

"I-I don't know.," I muttered.

"Tell me the truth boy. Go on"

"She... She's gone.."

"What do you mean by ‘She's gone’?!”

"SHE'S DEAD!" I raised my voice out of nowhere. Getting up, I try to walk away but I didn't get too far. He grabbed the back of my shirt and beat the shit outta me. As he did, the tears escaped from my eyes but I stayed silent, scared, and hopeless.

Jan. 4, 2000-

After yesterday, I finally got the chance to call for help. I was done being hurt by this man both physically and mentally. Soon, I'll feel safe and will be taken to a better place.

Jan. 15, 2000-

Brooklyn, New York. That's where I ended up. I moved schools and I got to say... I love it here! I made a friend by the name of Spot Conlon. He was pretty chill and had such a good reputation, which I admired so much. Every day, we'd go out and get some ice cream, feed the ducks, sit at the docks, swim; and for once in my life, I felt happy.

Jan. 18, 2000-

Today was the day of my mother's funeral. I put on nice clothes and went back to Manhattan with some older kid. No idea who he was but he was pretty friendly.

Standing there listening to what everyone had to say struck me. She didn't deserve the pain and all I could think of was that it was my fault. Maybe if I were a better son, she would still be here. This was going to be the last time I was going to see her so I said goodbye and apologized before heading back across the bridge to Brooklyn.

They wouldn't let me see her get buried. However, they gave me the location of the burial site.

May 29, 2001-

It's been a year since my mother has passed and a few weeks since my step-father's death as well. My biological father was long gone so they just considered me as an orphan. Packing up my things, Spot stood at the doorway with a small smirk on his face.

"You sure you want to go back to 'hattan?”

"Of course.."

"Well, where are you going to go? You got nobody"

"I'll find a place to stay. I'll get myself a job and I'll be fine"

"Anthony, you make it sound so simple when really, it's not. You can't just go back, ask someone for a job, and expect yourself to get accepted right on the spot. It'll take some time-"

"Just stop.. Please..."

"I'm just saying. You can't just-"

"I SAID STOP! Just leave me alone, OKAY?"

Rage filled my body as Spot went silent. He glared then walked off. There was no way he'd be my friend now!

I grabbed my belongings and left that evening without saying goodbye to anyone. Not even Spot.

June 5, 2001-

I got a job and met the love of my life: Albert DaSilva. He was perfect! I know I was still pretty young to get these feelings but... I couldn't help but love him.

March 31, 2006-

I got a hold of cigars and started gambling. Probably another good choice I've made. The cigars calmed me down, and ever since I got one, I haven't snapped at anyone or got so anxious. I earned some cash while gambling too which was amazing.

November 1, 2007-

After a few years of talking, Albert asked me to be his boyfriend; and on my birthday!! I accepted, of course, and realized that he was the only one who actually cared about me! Hopefully, it lasts.

The racetracks closed for the winter and I was quite bummed out, although I'll definitely go next year!

November 8, 2007-

I received the nickname "Racetrack" from the other boys who work with me. They said they'll call me "Race" instead because I loved watching the horse races. Ever since the track closed for the rest of the year, I wouldn't stop bothering them about it so here I am with "Racetrack" as a nickname

December 25th, 2007-

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

There was music, drinks, food, and presents everywhere. Us orphans stayed at a home in Manhattan and there weren't many of us so it was easier to get things done (if that makes sense.)

Albert got me a present that even I can't afford. A promise ring? I looked at him, letting a small smile take over. Not knowing what to say, I put it on and held his hand. This was one of the best days of my life! I couldn't be more grateful than this...

So I stared into his eyes and finally said

“I love you”

#newsies #fanfiction #ralbert #angst

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