#chopped up turkey sausage

[therealvalkyrie]

god I love my job

[bigbigtruck]

It's getting chilly again so I'm gonna share a cheap hearty easy recipe I like to make in winter

1 tube-thingy hot & spicy sausage (my mom always used Jimmy Dean; I've used turkey sausage and spicy Impossible sausage, your pref)

2 russet potatoes, chopped into bite size pieces (you can use red or gold potatoes, but they aren't as cheap and take a little longer to cook)

1 can black beans, undrained

1 can kidney beans, undrained

1 16 oz can tomatoes, stewed, whole, diced, whatever (I like the fire roasted kind)

1 white onion, diced (yellow is fine too)

2 or 3 cloves garlic, diced

1 or 2 bay leaves

chicken broth or water (I combine them), enough to cover

salt, pepper, thyme and herbs to taste

Sweat the onions in a pan with a little oil or fat; add garlic, add sausage. Stir frequently til sausage is crumbly and brown and onions are caramelized. Throw EVERYTHING in a pot. Stovetop at medium heat or crock pot, whatever. Just dump it all in there. (stir it up of course) I prefer crock pot bc less supervision. Cook til potato chunks are soft. It's good out the pot but way better after 24 hours in the fridge, plus you can skim any excess fat off the top after it's been refrigerated.

Ideal if u live alone for bean reasons but also bc it runs me $7-10 to make 5~6 servings depending on where I shop (but we already have the herbs/bay leaf)

anyway it's good and SUPER fuckwithable if you need substitutions.

I hope nobody reblogged this before I remembered to add the canned tomatoes

[felinisnoctis]

INTERLUDE: LORREN’S STORY

Something a little bit different - the story before Bonded Pairs, of how the space wolf came to the farm.

CW: Death, Cancer

They said it was bad luck on his part to bond with an elderly human like that.  Celeste already had grey hair and wrinkled skin when they met.  She’d been widowed a decade ago and she lived alone in a big house in the country, all her children grown up and gone.  They’d used to work the farm themselves, she told him, and she’d sold extra sewing on the side to help make ends meet, along with the goods from the farm.  They didn’t raise animals like her parents had, but they traded for ham and sausage and hunted deer and wild birds.

He’d taken it on himself to see that the freezer stayed well stocked with wild game.  He wrestled down a canid that came too close until it accepted him.  Celeste said she was a “wolf-dog” and sighed when he brought her home.  He chopped wood to keep the house warm and plucked figs from the trees for her to make into preserves.  She couldn’t sew anymore, her hands hurt too much, but she still loved to cook.

Then there came a time when the wood he chopped wasn’t enough to warm her.  He held her close to his chest, even as he walked the kilometers into town for her to see the apothecary.  She didn’t want to, she said.  She didn’t want to be a bother.  He took her in anyway.

They ran a bunch of tests and said cancer.  They said that they could try chemotherapy, see if they could shrink it enough to take it out, but it would be risky and she might die from the treatment.  She refused.  She was an old woman, she said.  Let her die at home.

He heard the whispering about him too, even though he pretended not to.

What happens when she’s not around?

He’s big.  Not primaris, but almost the same size.

Could go out of control…might cause a lot of damage.

Boy that size, not easy to take down.

He’d had to restrain feral marines before.  The area was isolated.  They had strong enough cages, in an emergency, if an astartes was a threat to himself or others or needed care and couldn’t understand what was going on.  He ignored the whispers. They didn't understand.

A few days later, her oldest grandchild moved in.  A youngster who would have been a techpriest in his era, and shared both their frequent lackadaisical attitude towards gender and their near-universal annoyance at what the mechanicus called “the laity” and Robin called “end users.”

Celeste slept more and more.  They’d given her something to ease the pain.  He stayed by her side as much as possible.  He could at least keep her warm and comfortable.  The blankets never seemed to help anymore, but holding her close did.

A few weeks later, he felt her breathing slow as she slept and heard her heart finally stop beating.  He knew it was coming.  He still howled and snarled as the loss tore at his soul, his own hearts beating rapidly as though they could give her her life back.

The funeral was a few weeks later.  He ran wild in the woods until then, ripping through the trees away from people and tearing the corpses of coyotes apart for food.  But he made sure he was dressed and groomed properly before he showed up at the little country church, his unarmored bulk barely fitting through the door.  He howled a prayer no one understood to the sky as she was lowered into the grave and covered over, even though the others shifted away from him as he did.

Then he went home.  She was gone, but he could still stay with her grandchild and keep the farm going.  She would have liked that, he thought, as he finished butchering the fresh turkey he'd brought Robin for dinner. Robin was rolling out fresh pastry noodles in the kitchen and would appreciate the meat.

[lostfirefly]

Bugust. Day 2 (Buggy x OC)

A real book which was written by @laurasoretta is mentioned in this story.

"Why are you looking at me like that, cotton candy? Did I do something?"

"What? Nooo, my little bear. You and me are like real old people right now. I'm reading a book, and you're playing PlayStation. You look so cute now." Catherine tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. "All we have to do is put on our glasses and start complaining about taxes." She giggled and adjusted her imaginary glasses.

"Hey, I'm not old! Can old people do that? Look, Cathie-pie!" Buggy quickly pressed the joystick buttons and the computer man scored a goal. "See?"

"Wow! That was really cool! You're very good at this stuff, my love." Catherine looked out the window. "It's raining outside, I don't even want to get out of bed." She turned the page of the book. "Oh, look, Frida won the inheritance case and is now moving into her estate. She is planning to write a book."

"I'm happy for Frida. You've been worried about her for three evenings already." Buggy put the joystick aside and snuggled up to Catherine, looking at the book. "What are you reading, Cathie-pie? I forgot the name. Violet something..."

"It's "Purple Rain", Buggy." Catherine playfully scratched his head. "It's a very interesting book. You know, I once went to a presentation of this author's new book, when I lived in Loguetown. We chatted a little bit. She was a very nice girl."

Buggy sighed and snuggled closer.

Сatherine immediately put the book aside, wrapped her arm around Buggy's neck, and kissed him on the top of his head. "My blue-haired love, what's wrong? Are you sad?"

"Nah."

"I have chocolate cookies, they always cheer me up in the rain. Do you want?" Catherine started stroking Buggy's head.

He nodded in response.

Catherine giggled, kissed him on the head again, and pulled out a cookie. "Here, my flashy fool."

Buggy took a couple of cookies and began to chew them slowly.

"What are you thinking about?" Catherine asked quietly, listening to the crunch of chocolate chips.

"Nothing. What about you?"

"Oh, you know, when it rains, it always reminds me of how my sister and I made hot chocolate in this weather, sitting on the windowsill, chatting and watching people walking by. And now I'm thinking about how lucky I'm to have you in my life. Oh! Would you like some hot chocolate?" She began to gently massage Buggy's head and neck, and smiled as she watched him close his eyes and began to remind her of a cat. "Like it?"

"Fuck! Yeah. Don't stop, please."

"Okay!" Catherine continued massaging his head. "I need to cheer up my little bear. A-a-and! Here! Another cookie." She gave him two cookies and moved her hand to his shoulder.

"So fucking amazing." Buggy settled under her armpit. "Cookies, massage."

Catherine heard his stomach gurgling. "Are you hungry?"

"A little."

"Do you want me to make macaroni and cheese? But if you don't want to wait, we still have some turkey with tangerines in the fridge."

"Mac and cheese? Sounds good. Would you chop some sausages in there?" Buggy looked at Catherine with hope in his eyes "I like when you do that. Tasty."

"Of course, my Buggy Bear. And I'll make a hot chocolate for us." Catherine looked at the joystick on the bed. "Hey, can we play that game you were playing together? Can I join you? If you don't mind, of course. After the dinner, for example? Or we can bring food here and play."

"Oh, Cathie-pie," Buggy took her hand and started slowly stroking it with his fingers, "I'm the king of game consoles. Aren't you afraid of losing to me? But yeah, why not. But to make it more interesting let's play for some pancakes?"

[council-of-beetroot]

I'm moving ro university soon, any easy and cheap recipe you could give me?

(I know you were probably hoping for hetalia anons but here you go anyways.)

Alright so here is my go to.

Kiełbasa z ziemniakami

You need for about 2 servings, I don't really measure so I apologize for that.

1/3 Kiełbasa (really you could use any sausage, I use turkey kiełbasa because I'm nationalistic when it comes to my sausage and it's turkey because I don't eat pork) My Nepali roommate uses Oscar meyer hotdogs cheese and rice if you want a cheaper version.

1-2 Potatoes

About 1/3 of an onion

Herbs and spices whatever you have on. (Today it's the kamis package of potato seasoning because that's all I have

Olive oil

Preheat oven to 200°

Chop up potatoes and onions and put onions aside. Mix potatoes in seasoning.

Cook these in oven for about 10 minutes. The Onions and the delectable polish schlongs will be added later

After those ten minutes put the onions in and then after ten minutes put in the sausage then cook for about 22 ish minutes depending on how you cut the potatoes.

Wait and get noticeably hangry to the point where your sister's presence and ramen making is really beginning to piss you off.

After the food is done then you can eat just like wait a few minutes because the oil is hot. If you want more vegetables serve with kapusta or pickled vegetables.

I am currently making this right now so I will take a picture when done!

Now for a dairy meals I usually go with premade pierogi or I will make spinach and cheese quesadillas.

I have an oven at my dorm so I'm sorry if you don't have a kitchen because fuck microwaves.

The spinach and cheese quesadillas are quicker and easier and probably could be made in a microwave.

[fiadhaisteach]

Saw these breakfast sandwiches on Insta a bit ago and finally got around to fiddling around with the idea. They turned out pretty damned good, if I do say so myself... and the younger kiddo, who's always running out the door late, can eat one while waiting for the bus.

A dozen eggs, beaten & spiced to preference (I may have over salted this first batch), poured on a lipped cookie sheet (half sheet if you have one). Top with chopped veggies of choice (I used spinach). Bake at 350F for 12-15 minutes. Cut into 12 pieces.

Split an english muffin & smear a light bit of butter on the inside. Place a slice of egg, meat of choice (I used black forest ham, but am also going to try bacon & sausage & turkey), & cheese of choice (I used provolone this time).

Wrap in parchment paper & repeat until out of components.

Can be frozen for up to a month. Thaw, in the fridge, overnight & microwave* for 60 - 90 seconds (depending on microwave wattage), then let sit for a minute before eating.

Turned out pretty good.

And got 'em all done while waiting for the pressure canner to do its thing with the newest batch of chicken stock.

*Note - if your parchment paper is waxed, unwrap & rewrap in a paper towel before microwaving.

Oh... Total cost for 12 sandwiches, if not buying bulk eggs, would have been around $22, at my local big brand grocery store.

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Red Beans and Rice you say….. 👀

do you mind sharing the recipe?

Sure!

1lb of dry red beans or if you want you can do the red beans in a can that equals out to 1lb

To a Dutch oven or whatever pot, add olive oil

Chop up a whole andouille sausage (12 to 14 oz) and sauté. Do not clean the pot out when finished

Add butter to the pot

Chop up a whole red or yellow onion diced

Whole green, red, yellow pepper diced

Celery pre-diced or buy a stalk and dice

6 cloves of garlic or use minced garlic

Add all of this (garlic last) to the pot and sauté

Once veggies are soft add cooked sausage back in

Pepper, adobo seasoning, Cajun seasoning, onion powder, thyme, oregano, smoked paprika, possibly cayenne if you want more kick (use salt sparingly because you don’t want this dish to be salty) I usually don’t measure out my seasoning because I season along the way to make sure I’m not adding too much

Add red beans to the pot and sauté to get it all mixed in. Before I do this though I clean my beans off whether it’s from the can or dry. I just take a strainer and pour it in there and rinse gently with some water before adding it in.

Add 6 to 7 cups of chicken broth

Stir, then add in smoked Turkey necks or smoked Turkey wings/legs. Whichever you use, make sure you cut some of the fat and skin off. If I have smoked turkey wings/legs I trim some fat and then I pull it apart so it’s just meat. For smoked Turkey necks I just trim some fat and put it in.

Stir in, then add two bay leaves on top

If it’s dry beans cook for a total of 3 hrs.

If it’s the beans from the can, 1 1/2 to 2 hrs is okay.

Occasionally stir to make sure it isn’t sticking.

When it gets closer to the end of cooking, I would suggest scooping some of the beans out and mashing them into a paste. This will thicken the stew. You could also have done flour when you sautéed your veggies but I prefer to mash the beans.

As far as the smoked Turkey necks if you decide to use this instead of the wings/legs, I would remove them and use a fork to shred some of the meat and then put it back in.

Remove the two bay leaves.

Make sure you taste in between to see if you need more seasoning.

Make a side of white rice in your rice cooker or on the stove.

And that’s it!

[imminentinertia]

Hei! What kind of foods you eat at Christmas in Norway? Are there some traditional foods, some new favourites? Are there regional changes?

This is a pretty good article on Christmas food in Norway, complete with regional variation. They get some things not exactly wrong, but odd, like "meatballs" - no, they're more like small patties. We have medisterkaker (pork suet patties) and medisterpølser (pork suet sausages) or saucisses with the pork rib, not meatballs. Also we serve a lot more veg with it than the article says.

I definitely prefer pinnekjøtt, by the way, although I'm born and raised in a pork rib region. I think most Norwegians have tasted most Christmas food and many aren't stuck on tradition, although it can be a right bother to change something. I never got my in-laws to understand that saucisses (what I grew up with) are vastly superior to big thick pork suet sausages (what my husband grew up with), for instance.

We don't have rice pudding for dessert, although I get why the writer calls it that. It's rice cream, rice porridge (leftovers from dinner on the 23rd or lunch on Christmas Eve) mixed with whipped cream/vanilla/some sugar. I prefer Danish risalamande with finely chopped almonds mixed in. Swedish apelsinris is really good, too.

The article fails to mention that nut roast is the go-to for vegetarians and vegans. It's tasty and it goes well with the traditional sides for both pork and lamb rib.

Wildly un-traditional Christmas foods here are venison, turkey or duck. I prefer duck to everything else, I love duck. Wouldn't mind goose either. One year I had hare on Christmas Eve, because I was visiting a relative who lives in a hunting area, and that was great too.

Side note for people in other parts of the world: Norway is one of the countries that has the Big Celebration on Christmas Eve, not Christmas Day. On Christmas Day and Boxing Day traditions vary enormously.

[tastesoftamriel]

Greetings from Finland! (Or I suppose it could be considered Eastern Skyrim) What are some of the spices or ingredients that could be used in food making from each race? I plan to make up a recipe of my own. And how about most famous meats for every race? (And possibly their real life counterparts for some of the meats?) Best wishes, thank you!

Hello! You can find a list of commonly used Tamrielic spices here. With regards to meats, there are a range of different meats preferred by the races based on geographic regions and subsequent availability.

Altmer

Summerset favours fish over most other meats, but the High Elves also farm a range of more common mainland Tamrielic livestock such as cows, chickens, sheep, and deer. However, indrik heart is the most prized of all meats, and is highly sought after due to the illegality and difficulty of killing these magnificent beasts. The preparation and consumption of indrik heart is purportedly painstaking, and is a closely guarded secret of Altmeri gourmets. It is my goal to one day try this coveted dish!

Argonians

Guar, bantam guar, and chickens are the main meats favoured by Black Marsh Argonians, primarily due to their ability to cope with swampy conditions. Grilling, baking, and frying are the most common ways of preparing these meats, whether they're served on their own, with noodles or saltrice, or salads.

Bosmer

If it's meat, the Bosmer will eat it. Whether it's wild boar, deer, timber mammoth, or even monkey, all game is fair game in Valenwood! Timber mammoth steak with blue timber mammoth cheese sauce is one of my favourite foods in Tamriel.

Bretons

If there's one race who's mad about mutton, it's the Bretons. While High Rock is also known for its pork dishes, today I'm focusing on all things mutton. Mutton stew, mutton chops, mutton casserole, and even Orcish-inspired mutton curry are favourites both at home and in taverns. One of the more popular ways of consuming the meat is a mutton and rosemary sausage, that is served fried with eggs, goat cheese, and roasted artichoke hearts.

Dunmer

Aside from guar, the Dark Elves love nix-hound and nix-ox in equal amounts, with the former being more akin to crocodile or turkey in texture, while nix-ox is named such due to its uncanny similarity to beef in flavour (though not in texture). As they are bugs, however, you're not going to get thick steaks or drumsticks as you would from other animals. Instead, nix-ox and -hound are best served minced or stewed. A staple dish in Dunmeri households is nix-hound casserole, made with finely minced and baked nix-hound with saltrice, hackle-lo or ash yams, and scuttle.

Imperials

Imperials love beef the same way that Bretons love mutton. However, the most unique and exciting beef you can find in Tamriel is Cyrodiilic wagyu, a special kind of fatty, marbled beef that is exquisite as it simply melts in the mouth with a rich, meaty flavour. Whether it's served as tender filet mignon or thinly sliced as carpaccio, Cyrodiilic wagyu beef is an expensive but absolutely divine treat.

Khajiit

There are many exotic meats that are native to Elsweyr, and jerboa is probably the most popular. These small (and unfortunately very cute) rodents are delicious when deep fried or roasted in moon sugar sauce, though their small size means you'll have to eat a few to fill up. If you don't mind picking bones from your teeth, jerboa is a must-try for adventurous foodies.

Nords

Beef, chicken, elk, goat, horker, rabbit...in Skyrim, if it moves, we're probably eating it. However, the consumption of specific types of meat, and whether it's processed or fresh, really depends on where you are in the Province. Major towns and cities are more likely to eat fresh farmed meats like poultry, mutton, and beef, while rural areas rely more on wild game. Whether it's Markarth barbequed goat skewers or Dawnstar horker casserole, there's a whole new world of regional dishes out there for meat lovers visiting Skyrim.

Orcs

Echatere, chub loon, horker, and mammoth are the cornerstones of Orcish cuisine, and they're enjoyed in abundance. Wrothgarian Orcs in particular love their echatere, which are lovingly hand-reared or hunted in the wild. Either way, it's delicious, albeit with a rather acquired taste and gamey aroma. Echatere meatballs topped with crispy chub loon bits and an echatere cheese and frost mirriam gravy are a timeless classic hailing from the region.

Redguards

If goats were ever to become an endangered species, the last place they would disappear would be Hammerfell. Anyone who's visited the Alik'r will know that despite the sandy, Oblivion-hot depths of the desert, these hardy creatures will survive just about anything. As a result, goat meat plays a central part in Redguard cooking. Goat koftas, kebabs, shawarma, curries...no matter what form it's in, you're bound to have a tasty, meaty meal no matter where you are in Hammerfell.

[nycfoodieblog]

Here is the gumbo recipe once again y'all, I have edited slightly to include turkey necks.

There are so many ways to cook gumbo so please make any adjustments you find necessary so that it's to you and your family's liking adding or omitting ingredients you may or may not want. The main thing is to make your roux properly and season well. ENJOY!

Edited to include turkey necks:

If you are going to make it with the turkey necks, wash then season them with salt, pepper, garlic and onion powder. What I do is wrap them tightly in heavy foil then place them in a preheated 400° oven for about an hour. (I personally don't like to boil meat as I believe flavor is lost by doing so) Go ahead and boil them if that's your preference. You can also use the turkey necks AND chicken if you like.

For some people, the very first thing they do is make the roux, I like to prep several other things before doing so but do what works for you....JUST BE SURE TO MAKE THE ROUX AND TAKE YOUR TIME DOING SO!

1. 20-30 pieces Chicken drums and flats (seasoned with salt, pepper, poultry seasoning, garlic and onion powder) and refrigerate

2. 2 lbs smoked sausage (I use Richards which is very good, I suggest you use a good quality brand)

3. 3 lbs extra large, jumbo or colossal shrimp peel and devine then place in the fridge

4. 1 dozen crabs (I am a true Louisiana country girl and we use boiled crabs (as in those nice spicy hot boiled crabs you get at the local seafood market) Remove the crabs from the shell and clean away the spongy membranes and the guts well but DO NOT WASH THE CRABS. Place in the fridge to keep cold

5. 2 lbs chicken gizzards optional as I realize everyone doesn't like them ( boil in a seperate pot for about an hour to get them tender) I don't know if you can see it but this gumbo has chicken gizzards you can add them to yours or not. With the meat it's pretty much what YOU like so adjust what meats you choose accordingly and add them to the pot depending on which meats require a longer period of cooking. When I use gizzards I add them to the gumbo pot right after the roux is made and stock added. I also add the turkey necks to the pot at this time.

6. 2 small bags of frozen. okra.......I do not recommend using fresh okra in gumbo but it's fine if that's your choice Go ahead and spread your okra on a sheet pan that's lightly oiled, season with 1/2 tsp salt 1/4 tsp pepper and 1/2 tsp garlic powder and place in the oven on 375 for 45 minutes removing the pan once halfway through to toss them lightly as to not break up the okra too much

7. Seafood stock or you can just use water. I buy and cook shrimp all of the time so I usually keep stock in my freezer. You will need about 6 quarts but again use your judgement as gumbo broth is NOT suppose to be watery

8. 2 tablespoons tomato paste

9. Garlic powder

10. Salt

11. Pepper

12. Gumbo file........If you can't get Louisiana brand Zatarains is also good

13. A good brand of allspice seasoning.......Tony''s is good

14. Very large onion chopped

15. 2 bell peppers chopped

16. 3 stalks celery chopped

17. Cooking oil

18. Add about a 1/3 cup of vegetable oil to your gumbo pot and allow it to heat then start adding your flour. I didn't give a specific measurement on the flour as I have found that when making roux you need to rely on your judgement so keep a close watch on the pot while constantly stirring and slowly adding in enough flour until it turns like a loose paste with no oil left. Continue to stir until it turns a nice dark brown chocolate color (this will take about 30 minutes) then add your stock drop in a couple of Bay leaves and about 2 tablespoons of creole seasoning and place on med heat

19. Gather your chicken and sausage from the fridge......

20. Heat a large pan with very light coating of EVOO for the chicken and sausage. You can cook both in the same pan. I like to sautee the sausage first so that flavorful grease is left behind to cook the chicken. Sautee your sausage along with the onions, bell pepper, celery on medium heat about 20 minutes or until they are a nice brown color.....that's flavor! Remove sausage from the pan and add to your gumbo pot. Cook your chicken until done, you should allow it to get nicely browned also then drain any excess grease first and add it to the gumbo pot.

21. Remove your crabs from the fridge and add to the pot also being sure to give the pot a stir in between adding the ingredients. Turn your heat to med

22. At this point I like to lightly sautee my shrimp in the same pan the sausage and chicken was in and add those to your pot, pour off any grease then I place those two tablespoons of tomato paste in the pan and stir for about 5 minutes then put about two ladels of the gumbo broth in with the tomato paste and stir a couple of minutes scraping all those tasty drippings from the pan and add it back into the pot

23. Lastly add your okra and a tablespoon of gumbo file.

Everything is seasoned as it's cooked but you may want to give it a taste and adjust any spices as needed.

Let it continue to simmer for about another 45 minutes or so then serve over a bed of freshly cooked hot white rice and garnish with parsley...fresh or dried it's your choice.

ENJOY!

[denishamichelle]

Nutrition tip Thursday 😏 hehe 🙃… Make sure you are eating a colorful diet. Green leafy vegetables 🥬 in particular are a great source of Vitamin K which is essential for healthy blood flow. Also if you are a meat eater, try substituting some of the more fatty meats such as beef and pork with lean meats like chicken and turkey. This is especially helpful for those with high blood pressure (hypertension) and high cholesterol (hyperlipidemia). If you get creative with the seasonings you can really hook up some lean meals that are fam faves. This is my spaghetti prep. Chopped sweet peppers, onions, garlic, carrots and chicken sausage. I typically eat ground turkey but if i eat beef, I try and make sure it’s minimally processed and/or organic. Oh and chop them vegetables up small so the kids can’t pick through 😂🤞🏽🫶🏽 https://www.instagram.com/p/Cnn25jst3tVxawkZRit0oIqZU4L1KvT4j2X_q00/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[justaphage]

Absolutely obsessed with this recipe my mom’s coworker sent, in which she describes exactly how I cook “from a recipe”

Transcription:

Pumpkin Black Bean Soup

Here you go! From the I <3 Trader Joe's cookbook.

3 cans of black beans (I don't usually use this many, one or two cans is fine)

1 can of diced tomatoes

4 tbs butter (I don't usually use this much)

2 small onions, chopped (I use one)

3 shallots, chopped (I usually skip this because I don't have shallots lying around)

1 tbs ground cumin

4 cloves garlic (I use a press because I'm lazy and garlic is a pain but you could cut them up however you do)

4 cups beef broth (I use chicken because that's usually what I have)

1 12-oz can of pumpkin

1/2 cup dry sherry

1/2 pound ham or smoked turkey, cubed (I use whatever is lying around in the meat department; I've used ham, kielbasa, various chicken sausages, last night I used maple chicken breakfast sausage; this soup is a great way to use leftover stuff like this) splash of balsamic vinegar

crème fraîche for garnish (if I have it I use sour cream, but I usually skip this) salt and pepper

In a food processor, coarsely chop the black beans and tomatoes. Set aside. (Note: this is a pain in the ass so I don't do it. Instead, when it's more or less done, I run an immersion blender in it for a bit to smooth it out.)

In a stockpot, melt the butter and sauté the onion, shallots, and cumin over medium heat until the onion is soft and beginning to brown, 8-10 minutes. Add the garlic and sauté just until fragrant, 1-2 minutes. Stir in the beans and tomatoes Note: I drain the tomatoes). Season with salt and pepper. Add the broth, pumpkin, and sherry. Simmer, uncovered, 25 minutes or until thick enough to coat a spoon. Just before serving, add meat and vinegar and season to taste with s and p. Garnish as desired.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

015 of 2023

Your protein: pork steak lamb chops hamburgers vegan burgers chicken nuggets chicken fingers tuna shrimp salmon oyster crab lasagne ravioli chicken soup

beef jerky slim jims bacon spam buffalo wings sausage ham turkey meat balls

Your dairy: milk soy milk skim milk raw egg boiled egg sunny-side eggs scrambled eggs cottage cheese cheddar cheese mozzarella cheese swiss cheese blue cheese cream cheese plain yogurt

Your vegetables and fruits: mushrooms tomatoes pickles olives carrots raw onion broccoli cauliflower green beans string beans peas black beans celery leek artichoke lima beans bell pepper asparagus spinach seaweed avocado eggplant zucchini corn cucumber squash/pumpkin/yam garlic ginger peanuts almonds sunflower seeds raisins bananas apples pears grapes oranges tangerines peach blueberries raspberries blackberries strawberries lemons pineapples coconuts apricot cherries plums cranberry kiwi watermelon melon pomegranate grapefruit lime guava mango papaya

Your starch: French fries baked potato scalop potato mashed potato fried rice white rice bagel white bread whole grain bread French bread corn bread sourdough pancakes spaghetti macaroni & cheese oatmeal

Condiments: wasabi soy sauce cranberry sauce marmalade grape jam strawberry jam ketchup mustard relish mayonnaise whipped cream honey mustard sauce Tabasco salt ranch gravy caramel peanut butter salsa pepper honey maple syrup hummus butterscotch marshmallows icing

Junk food: cheetos sour cream and onion chips barbeque chips vinegar chips wheat thins graham crackers saltine crackers cheez-its ritz tortilla chips Lunchables Milano cookies Twinkies popcorn fruit roll ups donuts ice cream sandwiches Poptarts pretzels Girl Scout cookies Oreos Nutter Butter Fig Newtons Jell-O rice crispy treats

Cereals: Cocoa Puffs Cocoa Pebbles Fruit Loops Cinnamon Toast Crunch Frosted Flakes Raisin Bran Apple Jacks Corn Flakes Cookie Crisp Cap’n Crunch Lucky Charms Cheerios

Dessert: brownies muffins cinnamon rolls cheesecake donuts chocolate fondue pudding apple pie pumpkin bread pumpkin pie chocolate chip cookies sugar cookies gingerbread cookies biscotti fortune cookies shortbread cookies oatmeal cookies Angel food cake carrot cake cupcakes fruit cake cream puffs flan custard Meringue sorbet s’mores

Asian: ramen cup noodle sushi miso soup kimchi teriyaki eggrolls orange chicken

Fast food and restaurants: McDonald’s Carl’s Jr Taco Bell Panda Express Jack-in-the-box In-n-out Chick-Fil-A La Salsa Dairy Queen Baskin Robbin’s Pizza Hut Papa John’s Roundtable Domino’s Johnny Rocket’s Cho-cho San’s Hot Dog On A Stick Coldstone California Pizza Kitchen Red Robin Ruby Tuesdays Chili’s Wendy’s Burger King Kentucky Fried Chicken Subway Tommy’s The Cheesecake Factory Arby’s Quiznos El Pollo Loco TGIF Applebee’s Wienerschnitzel IHOP Islands White Castle Togo’s Sonic Popeyes Orange Julius Jamba Juice Coffee Bean Starbucks Del Taco Chuck E. Cheese Baja Fresh Macaroni Grill

Candy: Red Vines M&M’s Snickers Hershey’s kisses Kissables Kit-Kat Nerds Junior Mints Twizzlers Tootsie Rolls Jelly beans Swedish Fish Skittles Starburst 100 grand 3 Musketeers Airheads Almond Joy Baby Bottle Pops Baby Ruth bottle caps Butterfinger Reese’s Cup Fast Break Twix cotton candy chocolate coins Dots Hot Tamales jaw breakers Jolly Ranchers Laffy Taffy Lemonheads lifesavers Mike & Ike Milkduds Milky way Mr. Goodbar Nestle’s crunch Payday pixie sticks pop rocks Push Up pops Runts Smarties Snow Caps Sugardaddy Sweet Tarts Tic-Tacs York Peppermint Patties Warheads

Non-alcoholic drinks: Rootbeer Lemonade Orange juice Grape juice Capri Sun Coke Diet Coke Diet Pepsi Pepsi 7up Sprite Mountain Dew Hawaiian Punch Dr. Pepper Apple juice hot cocoa Kool-Aid cappuccinos frappuccinos lattes espresso energy drinks Vanilla Coke Cherry Coke Fanta Arizona Green Tea Squirt Gatorade Iced tea Green tea Chamomile tea White tea Oolong tea Jasmine tea Chai tea Snapple apple cider

Alcoholic drinks: Wine Sake Shochu Vodka Bourbon whisky Irish whisky Canadian whisky Bloody Mary Rum Absolut Brandy Scotch Cognac Tequila Gin Wine cooler Smirnoff Marc Sidecar Tonic Pina Colada Martini Alabama Slammer Daiquiri Margarita Cape Cod Flying Horse Kamikaze Screwdriver Rusty Nail Cajun Strawberry Soda Mimosa Champagne Cascade Fosters Sam Adams Budweiser Coors Harpoon Milwaukee’s Bes

[thalion71]

Trick or treat!!

trick or treat!! have another soup (this one is a variant of Fridge Soup):

french market soup:

one package of dried beans (around here we get like a one pound bag of a '15 bean soup mix' or whatever. soak overnight or whatever else the package says)

some combination of water/chicken stock/ham stock

bay leaves

thyme

tomato (a couple cans usually works fine here)

a couple chopped onions

garlic, minced (jarlic recommended)

chopped celery (6 stalks or so)

a green pepper, chopped

a pound or so of sausage (this is often leftover sausage from sausage sandwiches here lol. occasionally chorizo)

chicken or turkey (fresh, or leftover and chopped up)

if you have an extra ham bone or some leftover ham, grab that too

simmer beans in water/chicken stock/ham stock with bay leaves and thyme for 3 hrs, covered

add tomato, onion, garlic, celery, pepper. salt and red pepper as desired (depending on the sausage, it can get pretty spicy as is though). simmer 1.5 hr uncovered

add sausage, chicken. cook til tender, take out bones, and shred poultry as necessary

(alternatively, chuck everything in all at once once the beans are ready. just make sure you stir it a bit bc it can burn on the bottom)

[kathys-home-kitchen]

Turkey Sausage and Kale Soup

For several months now, my work-out crazed husband has been loving the turkey sausage, kale soup that our local grocery store sells. It’s a delicious Keto friendly- high fiber meal, that is also quick to heat up. In other words, a perfect meal for someone like him who is trying to release weight and build muscle. 

For the last two weeks however, our store has been out of it and they told me it may not come in for another week. :(

I had been wanting to try to make it myself anyway, so I figured now was the time.

This is what I came up with and it passed the test. He said it tastes very similar but he likes my version even better.

Ingredients:

1 pkg turkey or chicken sausage meatballs

1/2 onion diced

4 cloves of garlic

1 jalapeno seeded and diced-optional

2 carrots diced

1 bay leaf

1 tsp salt

1 tsp thyme

1/4 tsp red pepper flakes

1/4 tsp cayenne--if you don’t like spice you can omit this

4 -6 sprigs of lacinato kale chopped into ribbons

48 oz of chicken broth

rice/noodles optional

Heat a large stock pot over medium heat. Pour in 1-2 T of vegetable oil. Lately, I’ve been using avocado oil. It has a high smoke point and a light flavor. 

2. Add onions, jalapeños, and carrots. Saute about 2 minutes until the onions are just translucent. Mix in the garlic and saute 1 minute. 

3. Add all the spices (thyme, salt, bay leaves, red pepper flakes and cayenne) and give it a quick stir.

4. Pour in the meatballs and brown them, slightly. 

5. Pour in the chicken broth. 

6. Once the broth is at a good simmer, stir in the kale. Let the soup simmer for about 15-20 min. Make sure to taste for the seasoning level and adjust as needed. If you want or need carbs, feel free to add some cooked white rice, barley, or some small pasta to this soup. 

Hope you enjoy!

[helenaheissner]

Trade Paperback Romance: Chapter 3

Month 2 (August)

Elijah

“Okay, so, once you beat the eggs, just chop up the carrots and the bell peppers and add them to the mix,” Samantha said as she leaned back against the fridge. 

I went through the motions, hammering my cleaver down on the orange and red vegetables across the cutting board situated on my counter. The air conditioner hummed nearby, cooling the heat from the sizzling skillet of turkey sausage and the empty pan next to it slick with avocado oil.

“No, those are too chunky,” Samantha said. She reached over and took my hands by the wrist. “Hold it like this,” she said, raising my hand slightly. Her hands were soft and smooth around mine, and I flinched, but I didn’t push away. “And go for swift, fine slices, like this. If they’re not the same size, they won’t cook as fast or as evenly, and the texture will be all wrong.”

“Never thought about food texture before,” I admitted, feeling her breath on the back of my neck. She was wrapped around me, the softness of her curvy body pressing into my lean frame. I could feel her hip-dip through her dress, and the faint beginnings of her breasts were evident against my shoulder.

“I think about it a lot, honestly,” she said, her face next to mine as we looked down at the cutting board. Her cheeks weren’t quite pressing on my own, but it was inching ever closer second by second. She was warm and delicate, the floral scent of her perfume perking up my nose. “Now, slowly, evenly.”

I let her hands guide me through the motions, allowing the cleaver to carve through slices of carrots and peppers in thin, delicate chops and leaving them in small, proportional pieces. “You’ve got a real delicate touch,” I said as I turned my head and found my face, my eyes and my lips in particular, less than half an inch from hers.

She flinched, and she pulled her hands away from mine, and she pulled her body away from mine. A hollow feeling erupted within me as she retreated. Her face was redder than the peppers, and her hazel eyes were downcast even as the morning sun made them sparkle. 

“You okay?” I asked. 

“Fine, just… Just forget it. You might wanna get back to cooking, though -- give that sausage a stir.”

“Right,” I said, shaking my head and trying to put it out of my mind. Probably better this way. 

I added the veggies to the egg mixture, then poured it onto the empty skillet. The aroma went through the air, instantly making my stomach rumble and lasering my concentration on the task at hand. Better to put useless thoughts away and concentrate on what I could do.

Like learn to cook. Given all the free time I had lately, it seemed like a good thing to do. And Samantha had offered to teach me -- she’d been picking up the skill herself recently as part of her whole ‘wanting to eat healthier’ kick. Combined with everything else she was doing, it was paying massive dividends: she looked fantastic. Collar-length raven-black hair curled and tied back and framing her smooth, cute face beautifully, and a loose-fitting black dress draped over her milky body. Seriously, how someone managed to stay so pale in southern California was a mystery to me, but… 

No, no, none of that, I thought as I stirred the eggs and vegetables together. The heat was on a low setting, so the eggs would cook slowly enough for the vegetables to sauté as well. According to my new teacher, it was best to take things slow most of the time, let them simmer until they were ready so as to keep them as nourishing as possible. 

“How’s the job hunt going?” she asked as I stirred the contents of the pan. 

“Interviewed at a burger place,” I said. 

“How’d it go?”

“Well, they wanted to test me out by having me try making a burger.”

“And?”

“And I accidentally set it on fire,” I grimaced. 

“Ah,” she said with a light chuckle. “Hence the sudden request for a lesson.”

“I mean, that’s part of it, yeah,” I said. 

“Oh? And what’s the other part?”

I shrugged. “Wanted to hang out with you.” 

“Aww, thanks,” she said, pacing back and forth across the kitchen. “So, you’re sure your parents won’t mind me being here?”

“I mean, they probably won’t find out,” I said, watching the egg mixture solidify. “When do I add the cheese?”

“Now,” she said. “Remember -- not too much, or it becomes a lot less healthy.”

“Right,” I said, grabbing a small fistful of grated parmesan from the small plate next to the stove. I tossed it haphazardly onto the eggs. 

“No, no, not like that,” Samantha sighed. 

“Why not?”

“It’ll get stuck on the pan, and you won’t get as much of the flavor out of it,” she said. “You need to be gentler with this stuff. Take it slower.”

“I… Dammit, you’re right,” I winced, angrily jabbing at the cheese melting on the metal with the wooden spoon. 

“Boy, what did I just say?” she deadpanned. She reached over and said, “Gimme that, I’ll try to salvage this.”

I relented, and she went about scraping the cheese off the metal and into the eggs. 

Eventually, it was done, and we had ourselves two veggie omelets with a side of turkey sausage. We sat down at my kitchen table, and I took an enormous bite of food. 

Not bad. Not great, but not bad. 

“What do you think of your food?” I asked, looking up and instantly regretting it when I saw her face contorting. “Yeesh. That bad, huh.”

“Just… Just too chewy. Must’ve let it simmer for too long,” she said, forcing another bite into her mouth and cringing again. 

“Okay, but you don’t have to eat it if you don’t like it --”

“I want to,” she said.

“Coulda fooled me.”

“It… I want to like it, I really do --”

“But…”

“But it’s not quite working.”

“I was too rough, huh?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Figures. I always apply too much pressure --”

“Hey, c’mon now,” she said. “You know what you did wrong, and now you know how to improve. That matters a lot more than beating yourself up. Now, I dunno know about you, but I was raised to believe that if someone invites you into their home and feeds you, you eat every bite they put in front of you. So I’m gonna finish this plate.”

“Samantha --”

She shoved another forkful into her mouth. It was like watching someone gargle with lemon juice. 

“Is it really that bad for you?” I asked. 

“The taste itself is fine,” she said, hand covering her mouth. “It’s the mouth-feel that’s off.”

“My apologies.”

“Hey, it’s cool,” she said, still cringing. “You’ll get there.”

She chewed and swallowed, and looking at her there, doing that nonsense for me, putting up with my inept ass… I had a real friend in her. 

Now all I had to do was avoid screwing it up.

***

“Fuck!” I said as I fumbled the wires again. 

“Language, dear,” Mom said from across the dinner table, not bothering to look up from a patient’s chart that she’d photocopied and brought home.

“Just… try again, mijo,” Dad said, frustration boiling off of his hunched posture and gravelly voice and tapping fingers. 

Before me, standing between me and my dinner, was a simple closed-circuit involving a battery and a lightbulb. Easy. Basic stuff. The kind of thing elementary schoolers were given when they first learned about electricity. And my useless fingers and trembling hands kept fucking it up. 

All of this was compounded by my total inability to even get a freaking part-time job so I could at least have some extra money going into trade school, but I couldn’t even manage that much because I was a complete fucking failure, an utterly useless person with absolutely nothing going for me. 

“Mijo,” Dad said, “try again.”

And I did. 

Nothing. 

“I just don’t understand why it isn’t working,” Dad said. 

“You’re the electrician.”

“And so are you.”

“Am I, though? Am I really?”

“You got any other ideas for what you’re gonna be?”

I stared at him blankly. 

“Didn’t think so,” Dad said. “Try again.”

I tied the wires around the end of the battery, and looped it around to the end of the lightbulb, silently praying that God would be so merciful as to let there be light on this one occasion. Mom and Dad had always had a pretty simple policy growing up: no dinner and no television until my homework was complete. And in this case, a very basic electrical task that I would be expected to know how to do going into my first semester, was the homework. 

 I held my breath. 

I finished the circuit. 

And THANK FUCKING GOD THERE WAS LIGHT!

“AY! There we go! My boy’s got the touch!” Dad said, clapping me on the back way too hard with one hand and passing me a plate of cold pork chops and peas with the other.  

“... Yeah,” I said, “Do you mind if I heat this up?”

“Go right ahead,” Mom said, still reviewing patient charts, not even looking up. 

That was nothing new. She’d always done that. So had Dad, albeit usually in terms of reviewing manuals and magazines to keep up to date on the latest innovations. So why was it starting to bother me? 

Maybe it was because I was home more often. I didn’t really have a ton to do right now besides clean up around the house, but my inability to get a job was clearly bothering them, alongside the fact that I wasn’t very good at the thing I was going to start studying in a few weeks. And I was as frustrated as they were by all of that, but it all coalesced with them just… never really being home and not really talking to me much when they were home… into this general atmosphere of my not feeling like an actual part of my own family. 

Can’t say I was crazy about it. 

Can’t say I particularly wanted to bring it up to them, either. 

So instead I just put my food in the microwave and drummed my fingers on the counter. Our kitchen was spotless -- thanks to my efforts -- and while it was small, it housed a lot of good memories: birthday dinners, family get-togethers, holidays. 

Part of me wanted to ask why things were different now, but I already knew: I was an adult now. I didn’t feel like one -- not even remotely -- but my parents were treating me like one. 

And I guess this was what that looked like. 

“Any plans for the evening?” Dad finally said something non-work-related as I sat back down with my plate. 

“Gonna hang out with Samantha,” I said. “Mind if I borrow the car so I can pick her up at work?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Dad said. 

“You’ve been spending an awful lot of time with this Samantha girl lately,” Mom said, finally looking up from her work. Of course. 

“Uh, yeah, now that you mention it, I guess I have,” I said after swallowing a mouthful of food. 

“What does she do?” Mom asked. 

“She works at the comic shop I go to,” I said. “Her uncle owns it and she helps him run the place.”

“Oh. Well, hopefully she’ll have something else lined up soon,” Mom said. “Those places don’t make much money, you know.”

I flinched. “Yes. I know.”

“Where are you taking her?” Dad asked. 

I shrugged. “Movies. Not really planning on seeing anything specific -- just gonna head over there, see what the showtimes are, grab some snacks beforehand. That kind of thing.”

“Keeping it casual -- probably for the best.”

I raised an eyebrow. “How do you mean?”

“You’ll be starting school soon, going somewhere in life. You won’t have a ton of time to date a girl with no direction.”

I squinted. “First of all, she and I aren’t dating --”

Dad rolled his eyes. “Uh-huh.”

“We’re just friends.”

“Sure you are,” Mom said in her flattest tone possible. 

“You… You guys know that men and women can just be friends, right?”

They locked eyes with each other, having some sort of silent conversation I wasn’t privy to. Finally, they both nodded, and Mom said, “I think it’s much easier said than done. But I know that we raised you to be an honest person, so if you say this girl is only a friend, we’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.”

“She is,” I said. She was, right? I guess I hadn’t given a ton of thought to the idea, but… She was a real cutie, I couldn’t deny that part. And I did love spending time with her, talking to her. We talked… basically every day at this point, either over the phone or through text messages if we weren’t around each other face to face. And hell, I hadn’t really told my parents this part, but I usually invited her to come over on her lunch breaks to eat with me. She gave me a cooking lesson, we’d shoot the breeze, talk about what we were reading. That kind of thing. Was I doing that to be a good friend or because…

Because… 

Well, I knew why. I was doing it to make her smile. And because I liked being around her. Nothing complicated about it. Did that mean… 

Did I…

“Does she know that?” Mom asked, pulling me out of my confused haze. “Because… a girl can sometimes get the wrong idea when a boy is extra nice to her.”

“The reverse is also true,” I pointed out. “Remember in seventh grade when I thought Riley Drysdale had a crush on me because she gave me a pencil when I lost mine.”

“Vaguely,” Dad said. 

“All too well,” Mom nodded. “But you still haven’t answered the question.”

I blinked, and I thought long and hard. “I… I have no idea.”

“I see,” Mom said. “You might wanna find that out, just set the boundary now.”

“Uh…”

“I mean, you’re assuming our son won’t catch feelings for this girl given sufficient time,” Dad said. 

An image floated across my mind’s eye: Samantha and I in a darkened movie theater, a horror movie plastered across the screen, Samantha jumping with fright, my arm slowly wrapping itself around her body, her head resting on my shoulder. 

A warm, magnetic feeling went through me, like she was really there, like I really wanted to… 

To…

Another image appeared in my head: her face inching closer and closer to me, her lips puckered up, my lips pressing against hers… 

The warm and fuzzy feeling burst into an explosive heat, felt in every cell in my body. 

Huh. 

Did I like Samantha?

Could I? Was I allowed to? What were the rules here, for dating in general, for dating… 

Well, for dating a girl like her?

Didn’t feel like a question I was allowed to ask, and I somehow doubted my parents would be super knowledgeable on the subject given the complete dearth of understanding I’d been given by them. 

I scarfed the rest of my dinner, then said, “I have no idea if she sees me as anything more than a friend. And if it doesn’t come up, I’m not gonna ask, because that would make things awkward.”

“It’ll be a lot more awkward if you start --”

“Guys, enough!” I snapped. They’d been largely unwilling to talk to me for months, and now this of all things was what they wanted to pick my brain on… What the hell?

“Watch the tone, mijo,” Dad said with a stern voice as the light reflected off his glasses. 

“... Sorry, sorry --”

“Yeah, you should be!” Dad said. “You don’t talk to us like that! We raised you not to.”

“I said I’m sorry --”

“And you need some consequence for your behavior. No car tonight. Take the bus, or get a rideshare,” Dad said. 

My jaw dropped and I glared, but neither of them budged an inch. So I breathed out and said, “Fine. I’ll be back late. I’ve got my keys, so don’t wait up for me.”

“Have a nice time!” Mom said with a forced expression of cheer.  

***

Samantha

“-- So yeah, that’s why you should read it,” I said, gesturing to the single-issue in the customer’s hand. I stood behind the counter and smiled, confident I’d done my part in bringing attention to an underselling title. 

“Okay, but like… What is it about?” the customer, a short and stocky teenage boy with nappy hair and a scrunched-up face, asked while tilting his head to the side. 

“Oh, uh,” I stumbled. Had I really not described the plot at all? Dammit. What had I even told him? “Okay, so, you see, there’s this guy, right? And he has to go on a quest to save his girlfriend, but his girlfriend gets possessed by a space ghost --”

“So it’s a horror story?”

“Well, kinda --”

“So it’s sci-fi?”

“It has sci-fi elements, yes, but it’s more of a murder mystery --”

“Nothing about that sounds mysterious.”

“But it is, because the space ghost was murdered by a space bounty hunter --”

“So how much space stuff is there?”

“A lotta space stuff,” I said. I had him on the hook -- this was good.

“I hate space stuff,” he said. 

FUCK! “I mean, there’s also a strong central love story at the heart of it --”

“I don’t really give a shit about romance,” he groaned. “You know what? Forget it. I’m gonna go somewhere else.”

“But --”

He put the comic back on the shelf of newly arrived issues. “Seriously, just forget it --”

“Hey now, let’s not jump to conclusions,” a familiar voice spoke out. The bell rang as the door closed behind Eli, and he sauntered in, grabbed the issue off the rack, and leaned on the counter. “How’s it going, friend?”

“Uh… Who are you?” the young man said. 

“Just a discerning connoisseur of comics and graphic novels, and I gotta say, you are missing out if you pass on this one,” Eli said. “You into mysteries? Horror?”

“Yeah, I like those,” the young man said. “But I don’t really go for sci-fi or romance.”

“Those are just flavors for this comic,” Eli said with a wave of his hand, locking eyes with the young man and flipping through the pages of the issue. He stopped near the middle, at the scene of the protagonist looking through a crime scene at his apartment with a crashed UFO in the background through the window. Ghostly images of suspects in the disappearance blurred in and out in sketchy, harsh images, while the vanished girlfriend loomed over the scene as a giant head. “Look at this surrealist shit -- isn’t that the wildest thing you’ve ever seen?”

“That is pretty wild,” the customer said, hand on his chin. “But what about the writing?”

“Oh, the writing is rock-solid. Very good fair-play mystery -- you can figure it out as you go if you look at the evidence hard enough, but it’s not too obvious. Legit, I thought I was onto something, but the end of the first volume threw a wrench in my theories. Like, genuinely mind-blowing stuff.”

“It’s already out in trade?”

“Two volumes are, yeah,” Eli smiled. “C’mere a sec.”

I looked at him in awe as he led the young man over to the indies shelf and grabbed two volumes off of it, and as he kept telling him more and more about until the young man was purchasing both volumes of the book AND the three uncollected issues. He waved good-bye to the customer as he left, and the customer waved back. I smiled at Eli, unable to blink, unable to take my eyes off of him. “That was amazing!”

“Nah.”

“No, seriously, it was! You just closed a sale in under five minutes. I’d been working on that guy for a half hour and was making no progress at all. That… That was so cool!”

He flinched, his mouth opening just a crack but a dearth of words escaping from betwixt his lips. He looked down at his shoes, his feet shuffling awkwardly on the floor. It was… Honestly, it was adorable. He could shift from effortless confidence and charm to the dorkiest person I’d ever seen within seconds and it was…

Fuck, it was cute, alright? That feeling of seeing a vulnerable side to someone incredibly cool. Maybe it was reminiscent of that morning, too, when I was trying to teach him to cook. He wasn’t great at it, but he threw himself into it immediately. 

He tried. And he wasn’t afraid to fail. It was more than I could say for a lot of the people I’d met. Including myself. 

The sheer depths of the red zone into which the store had plummeted alarmed behind my eyes, and I blurted out, “Do you want a job?”

“Yes!” he exclaimed, his smile lighting up like someone had flipped a switch. Then he tilted his head. “Wait, are you allowed to do that?”

I scrunched my brow, tilted my head to the side, and shouted, “Hey, Uncle Paul!”

A labored breathing combined with a creaking of joints that pumped cortisol through my brain like a Biblical flood reached out from the stock room as Uncle Paul lumbered towards us. I really hoped he didn’t protest. He seriously needed to rest more. And yeah, taking on another employee might not be the most immediately prudent plan, but if Eli’s sales skills were what I thought they were…

“Hello, Elijah,” Uncle Paul said. “Good evening, niece. What’s going on?”

“Can Eli have a job?” I asked. 

Eli said, “I completely understand if that’s not something you guys can do right now --”

“Can you start tomorrow?” Uncle Paul said. 

Now it was my turn to blink. Huh. I’d expected that to be way harder.

“Hell yeah, I can!” Eli said, clapping his hands together. I sighed dreamily at his enthusiasm. 

“Awesome,” Uncle Paul said, rubbing his shoulder and wincing in what looked an awful lot like pain. “You start at 10 AM. That’s when we open. I’ll have your paperwork ready to go. Samantha can show you the ropes. Sound good?”

“Sounds great!”

“Told you I could make it happen,” I said, grinning and side-eyeing my new coworker. “I got connections. I’m a powerful lady, a real mover and shaker --”

“I’d expect nothing less from someone as cool as you,” Eli said, leaning against the counter and resting his cheek on his fist. 

My heart sounded inside my chest. It was then I realized I’d be spending almost every day going forward with this cute, charming, cute, thoughtful, cute, hardworking, CUTE young man. 

Perhaps things were on the up-and-up.

***

Hello, lovelies! Just a reminder that you can read four chapters ahead on this story by becoming a paid subscriber to my Patreon or Substack!

Also, “Love During Robot Fighting Time” is now available in its entirety, including 3 exclusive epilogue chapters (one of which is SPICY), in ebook format from Amazon and Itch, as well as paperback via Amazon!