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hungergamesheadcanons · 1 year ago

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Murderer/Protector

Johanna felt like she was born to look out for Finnick.

To be fair, she hadn't at first. She had entered the Capitol thinking like every other Victor did - that Odair had fallen into degeneracy from the moment he'd arrived, dressing in little clothing and flirting with everything with a pulse. She had been prepared to thoroughly despise the man, to fight off unwanted advances for the rest of her life.

She had been proven wrong the instant her family had been killed.

She had rejected Snow's proposition, of course she had, but it still didn't prepare her for the grief that had torn through her system. Finnick - though at the time she had referred to him as nothing but Odair - had been the one to find her, screaming and wailing on the ground floor of the tribute centre. He must have known what happened - how couldn't he? - as he'd simply helped her up and taken her to the lift, up to his and Mags and the other tributes from 4s floor. He'd deposited her on the couch, sniffling and coughing, walking to the fridge and pouring her a glass of water right in sight so she could see he'd put nothing in it.

She'd done nothing but react, throwing it back in his face and screaming at him instead, that it wasn't fair and why did he keep his family and a whole lot of other accusations that seemed to roll off him like the water dripping down his chin. He had said nothing, simply letting her scream her woes out before she collapsed onto his shoulder in a mess of tears. He had loosely held her, enough for her to pull away when she wanted, and when she did he had dutifully poured another glass of water. She drank it that time, shamefully averting her eyes from the sea green ones that were filled with nothing but concern.

They'd talked for a long time that night - about her situation and Finnick's. About how he hadn't even been allowed the choice, about how his family were threatened by his noncompliance as well. He'd told her, his voice distant, about how his first client was on the night he was taken out of the games. Before the Victor interview, even. As he was airlifted from the arena, he had found himself in the arms of one of the prominent gamemakers, who had proceeded to take him then and there - bloody, dirty, and terrified. He had been drugged just before, so he couldn't move, couldn't fight back, even though the golden trident was still in his hands. He told Johanna that it never stopped, that you never left the arena, simply changed the playing grounds.

She'd asked him if it got any better. He didn't respond.

From there on out their relationship changed. They weren't romantically involved, as many rumours liked to believe. She had seen them on social media, the idea of tiny angry Johanna Mason dominating big hunky Finnick Odair. The rumours ranged from speculation to full on sexual fantasies - ones that had caused her to throw her phone through a window and into a fountain. No, they were friendly, that was it. More than best friends, but nowhere near lovers.

There were only so many labels you could give to someone who knew your life so intimately.

They spent many a night together simply chatting, Finnick leaning on her as she didn't like looking or feeling weak in any way, whereas he didn't have those restrictions. She tended to speak about home, about the lumber mills and her family. She spoke about her siblings, about their chaotic antics that caused her father to laugh til he cried and her mother to shake her head with a tiny smile. She spoke of small children climbing big big trees, feeling like no one could touch them there, and adults luring them down with treats so that work could resume as per usual. She spoke of wild cats that the children would ply with food, lightly stroking their heads so they wouldn't get spooked. The nights she spoke were the good nights, both of them smiling and laughing.

Sometimes the nights Finnick spoke would be good nights. Sometimes he too would talk about home, about the shanties sung on fishing vessels. He would sing for her, on those nights, any shanty she wanted. She liked the upbeat ones, ones like Randy-Dandy-O, Drunken Sailor, Chicken on a Raft. Finnick preferred the slower, sadder ones, like Leave Her Johnny and Lowlands Away. He would talk about the ocean, himself and his brothers running into the cold water on an evening and splashing each other as the sunset painted the sky and sea in hues of orange and pink. He spoke of building sandcastles, collecting shells, his first catch, his learning to swim.

Most of the time though, Finnick's nights were the bad nights.

He spoke of clients, too cruel and callous to care that the person they were having sex with was a child. He spoke of clients who wouldn't let him say no, who would beat and bruise him and make him thank them for the privilege. He spoke of people who would tie him up and abuse him, of people who forced him to tie them up and abuse them, of people who wanted nothing more than to feel powerful. He spoke of forced drug use, of being plied with alcohol, spoke of people who wanted nothing more than to tear him to shreds, spoke of being kicked out of the door in pieces and trying to glue the shards together before Mags saw him. He spoke of Mags, who had apologised to him for helping him win the games, who had cried in his shoulder when she heard of what had been done to him as Finnick solemnly held her frail body close. He spoke of his father, who had bought into the Districts hatred of the Capitol's Golden Boy, who would not let him near his younger sisters or brothers for fear they would also fall into degeneracy. He spoke of his mother, who wrote him tear-stained letters asking him what happened to her little boy, and that he could tell them anything and they would help him. He spoke of how that was the problem, that they would get themselves killed were they to know that Finnick was being raped on the daily. He spoke of his two older brothers, strong and muscular, who would have crushed clients skulls if they knew what had been done to him. He spoke of his two younger sisters and little brother, all 3 incredibly skilled with creating and throwing fish-hooks, who could silently murder anyone who had touched him and probably not get caught.

On these nights, Johanna held him tightly, feeling him tremble in her arms. Neither of them cried, too far gone for that, but both of them grieved the lives they could have had, the childhoods that had been torn from them, the blood that had been forcefully put on their hands. Sometimes Finnick would break beneath her, and she'd try to comfort him. She remembered one night in particular, where it had felt like he'd shattered, great hulking sobs tearing out of his throat as he hid his face in her neck. She had tried to stroke his hair for comfort, but her nails had snagged in the knots left behind by someone who had pulled too much and too hard, and Finnick had frozen.

"Gentle, please." He had whispered, voice thick with tears.

Guilt had filled every inch of Johanna's body, and she had pursed her lips. "I don't know how," She had said back, and it was true. Johanna didn't know how to be gentle anymore - violence was her thing. She was crude, brash, horrible, a nasty person. She was a murderer, through and through, and this nasty, horrible persona she adopted kept her safe.

But Finnick had looked up to her, those same sea-green eyes that had looked at her with such gentle concern filled with trust. "It's like petting a cat." He had mumbled, and the pieces fell into place.

So when they were alone, they had a pact. Johanna could relearn how to be gentle, to not be brash and abrasive, to feel her emotions without hiding them behind a cocky front. And Finnick would let himself hurt, would let himself seek out soft touches and affection with no expectations behind it, would let himself be imperfect and ugly-cry with no fear of cameras catching him.

She refused to tell him how her public mask had shifted though.

Her mask had changed the instant she had been forced to a party, seeing some sleazy so-and-so put his hands all over a distinctly uncomfortable Finnick, forcing alcohol into his hands, getting close, too close, far too close. Johanna hadn't even noticed her feet carrying her forward until she was behind her friend, nearly going to punch him in the face, before she stopped herself.

Finnick's mask couldn't be shattered by Johanna - he still had people he needed to protect. If she assaulted this man here and now, both of them would be in danger.

Johanna may be a murderer, but at the very least she could try and protect Finnick.

So she lied, tapping Finnick on the shoulder and telling him that Mags needed him urgently for mentor responsibilities. She let him make his apologies, a scowl instinctively painting itself on her face when the greasy git tried to make another pass for Finnick, before ushering him away. She could hear the man complaining behind her, about how getting a slot with Finnick was so expensive and life finding gold in a river, and grinned.

She had no problems being the bad guy if that meant Finnick had at least someone on his side. If that meant Finnick had someone who could protect him from some of the cruelty of the Capitol, even if she couldn't protect him from all of it.

The more they liked him, the more protected he was. The more he appeared to be the agreeable, flirty, fuckboy persona they had assigned to him, the more they supported him, elevating him to this level of almost untouchableness. Were Snow to take any action against him or his family, the Capitol would riot, but that would only work while Finnick was in their good graces. So Johanna would willingly become the crass, rude bitch who cockblocks the Capitol's elite to keep Finnick and his family safe, to keep Finnick from being forced into another bed, to keep Finnick from being hit and hurt again.

And if when she managed to pull him back to District 4's floor they collapsed onto a couch, talking quietly about home and their experiences, the Capitol would never see it.

They didn't deserve their vulnerability.

#johanna mason #finnick odair #the hunger games fanfic #the hunger games #listen #they have such sibling energy #and johanna would be the kind to put herself in harms way to keep her friends safe #finnick can look after himself but she doesnt care about that shes gonna take care of that boy #tw child prostitution #tw child abuse #tw childhood trauma #tw child death #tw child murder #tw rape #tw forced prostitution #tw murder #tw blackmail #tw president snow at this point fuck #the Capitol sucks

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princeblack · 1 year ago

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it’s not long before the wedding now and tensions are high, the planning of the ceremony taking up everyone’s time. it’s winter break so it’s only a week away now, salem staying with regulus, both because the wedding is so soon and because he’s never letting her go back to her mother, knowing that she’d most likely be hurt if she did.

it’s their first dinner back and it’s a big event, walburga inviting some of the neighboring wizarding families and organizing a small feast. during the day everyone gathers in the garden, dressed in high end clothing and drinking enchanted alcohol, most everyone in good spirits. orion and one of his friends take turns playing music on the piano, giving background music to the party. there’s wizard chess and even owl racing, some of the adults bringing their children as well. they use the bigger dining table, the one in the garden, to magically set out the feast when it’s time for dinner.

regulus gets drunk faster than he should, playing two truths and a lie with salem to get to know each other more (and taking a shot every time one of them gets something wrong). he guides her through the garden to show her all of his favorite pieces of art, his fingers intertwined with hers as he explains each sculpture. this is her second night staying here and he didn’t get to spend enough time showing her everything last time, gettng cut off by their parents before he was done.

it’s hard to keep his eyes off of his bride-to-be, looking so beautiful in the black, lacey outfit she chose alongside his own. his coat and pants are black silk, matching the dark color of his lace material top, slightly unbuttoned to show off his chest and the silver necklaces layered upon it. his dark curls look even darker against the outfit, the silver snake choker glinting on his neck. their clothing seems to draw eyes, especially from the handful of guests that are their age, regulus and salem knowing them from hogwarts. astoria and daphne had even said hi earlier, speaking to them for a moment before regulus had guided salem off to look at more art.

by the time they make it to the dining table, he’s smiling faintly, glad that she seems to enjoy it here even if there’s still a lot that’s unfamiliar. he pulls her chair out for her, allowing her to sit before he takes his own seat next to her. at first things go smoothly, everyone filing over until most of the party is participating in dinner (roast beef, vegetables, dinner rolls and various other appetizers). orion introduces salem to one of the families they’re closer to and they make small talk, mrs. greengrass even asking salem about her own career plans for the future. regulus can feel orion listening raptly to salem’s response, knowing this is one of the things his father is a stickler about. he wants regulus to work in the ministry with him and he lets his father believe he will for now, still not giving it a lot of thought yet.

by the end of the party, regulus is drunk enough that he’s feeling it as people start to leave, kind of wanting to sneak off with salem but getting caught by his mother and asked to join them inside for dessert. he agrees somewhat reluctantly, tugging his fiance along until they’re in the dining room inside, the table already set with chocolate gateau and whipped cream.

at first dessert goes well too, orion telling them about some vacation the malfoys are on and how they sent souvenirs, but eventually he finds out why his mother really set up a family only dessert. “i wanted to talk about your plans together, as a couple,” walburga starts, her dark brown eyes finding salem briefly before moving to her son. “how you’re planning on behaving, and representing us… we decided that salem is to move in here, so certain family ideals need to be upheld. right, regulus, dear?”

regulus’s good mood evaporates as soon as he hears the tone she’s speaking in, picking up on the way she looked over at salem for a little too long. “like what, making sure the hedges are trimmed a certain way? extending a pinky finger when we take a drink?” he shouldn’t be joking about it but it’s hard to answer her seriously when he’s kind of wasted, a smile on his lips.

“regulus,” orion warns, but he can hear a hint of amusement in his father’s voice. he probably knows what walburga is about to say, and it doesn’t help that he’s also been drinking so he isn’t taking it very seriously at the moment either.

his response clearly frustrates her, dark eyes narrowing a bit. “very funny. no, i’m talking about how it’s already going to look to people that she’s staying here before the marriage ceremony… this isn’t how normal pureblood families do things. we’re bending our rules to suit your demands, so i think it’s only fair to ask things in return…”

“we’re bending the rules because salem isn’t returning to stacy’s home,” regulus interjects sharply. “that’s non-negotiable. i won’t have my fiance be in harm’s way.” his parents know vaguely about why they’re cutting stacy off and orion fully supports it, agreeing that a husband shouldn’t allow something like that (and that it would make their family look bad anyway, if it got out). his mother had been more quiet, seeming as if she finds the situation disasteful but not enough to argue against it, ultimately agreeing with her husband.

walburga’s mouth is set in a hard line before she continues, looking irritated at the tone he’s taking. “be that as it may, we should go over family expectations. starting with the first one, i expect a certain level of respect from both of you when under my roof together. you’ll act in a way that would reflect well upon us if anyone else in the village were to see.” her voice is stiff, as if she’s holding back something that’s making her more upset.

regulus isn’t in the state to analyze what she means, her words rolling off of him because of his inebriation. “luckily for you, mother, i left my ‘i love muggles’ t-shirt back at hogwarts, so…” “that’s more than enough, regulus,” his father interjects, voice strict and a little cold as he glances over at his wife in concern. he knows how things go when walburga and regulus fight, and how inconsolable she gets. “perhaps we should have this conversation a bit later, when the drinking has worn off, walburga.”

“no,” she says coldly, and there’s full anger in her eyes now as she looks between them. “you won’t speak to me that way.” she seems a little taken aback, probably because this doesn’t ever happen, regulus tending to keep an agreeable tone with her. something about the intoxication mixed with his protectiveness of salem is making him act out, feeling annoyed and very much like whatever his mother is displeased about doesn’t make any logical sense.

regulus glances over at salem to make sure she’s okay, the room a little twisty because he can’t seem to get sober even as he reaches over to chug some water from his goblet. “mother…” he can feel her about to launch into another demand, already hating the slight tremble in her voice. / @ghstdoll

#Ⅰ. ⸻ / 𝑹.𝑨.𝑩. ( prose ) .#Ⅰ. ⸻ / 𝑹.𝑨.𝑩. ( 𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒕. salem ) .

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theninjazebra · 28 days ago

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got at lot of aimless grrr going on today, and surprise surprise it's in response to all the discussions of homeschool/unschooling influencers. Cut because no one should see my ranting and raving unless they really want to -

(This really is just a vent post, I'm not spending hrs of my work day looking up a hundred sources just to complain about my feelings.)

gonna bullet point this because sentences are too hard rn

the home school defence league is an extremist org and shouldn't be used as a source for anything holy shit

yet again - socialization is the least of the fuckin worries

the health of the parents isn't an after thought. when you're homeschooled the parents are the whole world.

no, but actually. the number of homeschool parents that keep their kids home as a way to freely indulge their issues is umm... a lot.

some of that is relationship issues. some of that is a way to makes your kids your whole world (and vis versa) because a grown up life (including work) is too hard.

"but people shouldn't have to blah blah" yeah, but children should still be prepared for life in the hellscape. wanna bet what kind of sex ed happens in homeschool communities? wanna bet what they think of vaccines? wanna bet what they think of internet safety? they reeeeaaally like depriving kids of power and autonomy.

sitting at home with your young children, building a fantasy world to escape the real world with all your mad friends. guess what happens when the young sweet children turn into teenagers?

not a lot of education.

i still think home education should be an option for families, for many many reason. choice is good.

but my god is the community fuckin rank as shit

and so many discussions about home education don't talk to homeschooled adults. there are a few of us now, and a bunch have families of their own. there is a big diversity amongst us. some absolutely thrived and homeschool their kids now. aaaaand a bunch don't.

HOMESCHOOL MOVEMENT IS BUILT ON PARENTS RIGHTS CROWD. again, that doesn't mean they're wrong about everything, but the fundamental ideology is cooked af.

the don't believe in children's rights. they don't believe in human rights, either. they believe in power above all else. no, really. ignore their propaganda, look at their actions.

for a crowd that is so obsessed with their kids i cannot overstate how little they give a shit about their kids needs and thoughts and feelings, esp when they contradict the party line.

the social pressures within community to out-do each other means its always sliding to more extreme positions.

ok, but again, it's all about the parents.

from tiny things, like personal taste about stuff, to big things like access to doctors, or basic life skills.

It's not just what you miss out on, it's what's in it's place

and having such total control of your kids means the parents get challenged a lot less about everything too.

again, it's little shit, like what colour clothes the kids wear

and big shit, like the idea that women should vote

this isn't just my experiences either btw

so yeah, the unschooled kids are going to have literacy issues

they're also trapped at home with an unstable adult ALL DAY

i did go to a school for a bit. the school was small, religious, and had a fuck tons of problems and i found out later had an awful rep for bullying (no shit)

but it was still a break from a parent that was suicidaly depressed, that's not nothing.

and if your keeping your kids home because you're scared that's umm not good.

it's not good for the parents (homeschooling effectively, even with an unstructured approach, even with tutors, even with all the resources is hard fuckin work and requires a lot of organization)

it's not good for the kids (your world is run by fear.)

i can't separate my experiences out from other parts of my life, they're too fundamental

it's like wondering if parents hooked up with someone else

the me i am now just wouldn't exist.

everything is too tangled

but it definitely made preexisting issues so much worse

and cut out other voices, other perspectives

homeschooling made the world smaller in every way, squished us all together. no distance, no relief.

and yes, educational neglect is a significant harm, i've ranted about that before. it's easy to do, happens by accident most of the time. it fucks me up all the time, well into my 30s.

but my god it's secondary to being stuck in a house with an adult that is free to indulge their every fantasy -

again, from small shit that doesn't matter, except it does when you have no fuckin control or power over your own life

to big dark apocalyptic paranoid fantasies about the nature of society, government, the whole of the universe

so yeah, the unschooling influencers are delusional, but they're so much worse than that.

i feel awful every time i see content about this atm. it's been an absolute fucker of a time for a bunch of different reasons, so i'm not going to pretend that this is more than bin kicking. but my skin crawls every time i see this shit. and so much criticism that almost gets it, but misses the mark on the full picture.

ok i need a drink, a food, a panadol, and to get some work done.

#posting because i have to get this out of my system so i can get on with my day #homeschooling #unschooling

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pink-writer-girl · 11 months ago

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Remembrance of Yule

Secret Santa I did for KittchenKAT

In a small village, residents gathered around to prepare for their upcoming festivities. Joyful laughter and chattering bounced off the stone town square. They dressed street lamps with pine cones and holly as streamers made from pine needles, cranberries, and ribbons hung from post to post. And in the center of the Town stood an enormous pine tree, for handmade ornaments hung with care. Comprising different pine cones, ribbons, homemade candles, dried citrus and cranberries.

As snow fell gently, residents added their ornaments to the tree, creating a beautiful sparkle in the candle and light flames. The children were especially eager. Either their parents were helping them hang up the ornaments by picking them up or they were playing in the snow, making snowmen or having snowball fights. We're getting eager by the huge Yule log cake that the other adults brought out onto a dining table they had placed in the middle of the square.

One figure in a cloak, walking down the Town square, hiding her colorful clothes under the cloak, trying to bundle up to keep warmth. The figure turned their head slightly, which made their hood drop slightly enough to allow strands of red hair to blow in the wind. The drow woman closed her eyes and enjoyed the pleasant smells in the air.

She Couldn't help but smile fondly, gazing upon the scene, especially the children playing. It reminded her of the happy times she had with her family during Yule when she was younger. They used to play in the snow and throw snowballs at each other. Her heart filled with love, thinking of her little brothers. It overjoyed her on the day she became a big sister. Even though she had caring older brothers, they were often busy with their responsibilities, giving her little attention.

Kiera Theen's family always stayed together during the holidays. Her mother would weave sweaters to keep them warm while her brothers brought in firewood for dinner. The father would bring in the packages of presents wrapped in brown paper tied with thread and with pine cones for decoration. Her mother would complain that he had bought too many, but she had always been daddy’s girl that he would love to spoil.

She missed her mother's roasted chestnuts and making ornaments with her mother and little brothers to hang on the tree they had in the center of their tribe. She longed for times like these... for someone had taken everything away from her. Before she had to go on the run for her life.

Could no longer work at the festivities. She twisted away, shielding her tears.

“Oh miss, are you new in town?” A kind old voice said, making her look to see an old bearded man.

“Not from these parts, are you?” He asked.

“Passing through…” she replied softly but curtly.

“We're doing a celebration for Yule,” he said, gesturing to the Townsfolk.

With a gentle smile, he reassured her that many travelers were welcome.

Kiera theen brought up her hand at this “no no it's not that, it's just-I don't stay at places to… safer for everyone that way,” she replied with a sad smile.

“I better go now, enjoy your holiday,” she said as she disappeared down the town and away from the square.

Praying to Avandra silently to protect her on this journey she would once again take upon by herself.

-Fin

#dnd drow #drow oc #drow #dnd fanfiction #dnd fanfic #dnd fandom #dnd story #dnd writing #dungeon and dragons fanfic #dungeon and dragons story #dungeons and dragons #dnd #dungeons and dragons writing #dnd oc #writing community #yule

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kenmakaminari · 2 years ago

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In 7th grade I started a list of things I would and wouldn't do if I ever became a parent. I added to the list every time an adult around me frustrated me with their 'old fashioned ways'. I am now about to graduate high school, and the list is over 50 bullet points long. Here's a bit of it

-DONT YELL AT THE KIDS!!!!

- be understanding about everything

-dont be a friend but also don't only be a disaplinararian find an in-between

-get to know their friends (not in a controlling way)

- let them go out with friends/don't keep them locked up all the time

-DONT BE STRICT WITH GENDER ROLES

-dont be strict with hair, it's their head not yours

- just because they're kids doesn't mean they don't have opinions nor lives

-let them be kids, they're not mini adults they're children

- don't give them a phone until middle school

-once they have a phone, don't monitor them 24/7 UNLESS they give you a reason to do so

-DONT TAKE BAD DAYS OUT ON THEM it's not their fault if you're in a pissy mood, so don't make them feel that way

-go outside a lot!! Ride bikes, go on hikes, camp, swim in lakes, get acquainted with the outdoors!!

- Bake with them!!

-Do things they're interested in! If one of them likes space, go to a planetarium. If someone like makeup, go talk to a cosmetologist! Show interest in their interests!!!

- PETSSSS have a dog or a cat, teach responsibility young, but not too much still make sure that YOU are the main caretaker, but give them small jobs and build up as they grow

-GRADES ARENT EVERYTHING people are smart in different ways and school doesn't always show that

-MAKE SURE THAT THEY ARE IN A SPORT OR SOME SORT OF THING STARTING YOUNG. starting young is important, and don't let them give up. Having a talent when they are older will make them feel better about themselves.

-DONT PUSH YOUR IDEALS ON THEM!

- wHen I wAS yOuR aGe NOTHING unless it's good!!

-check In on them, mental health, physical health ANYTHING

- make sure they know that you love them no matter what!

- PROTECT THEIR BUSINESS- DONT GOSSIP WITH FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS, THEIR SIBLINGS ANYTHING unless it's your partner we love healthy relationships 💖

-DONT PIERCE THEIR EARS WHEN THEY ARE BABYS

- DONT CIRCUMSISE if female genital mutilation is bad then so is male

-NO RELIGION

-dont be super strict with clothes

-teach good habits young (clean rooms, brushing teeth)

-ANIME - basically just immerse them in different cultures, not just their home one

-see grandparents a lot (if possible) but make sure that grandparents know that THEY ARE NOT THEIR PARENTS

-TAKE LOTS OF TRIPS (again if possible)

-watch movies with them!!!

-send them with home lunch to school (unless they don't want that)

-send little notes in the lunches!!

- READ WITH THEMMMMM

- Make sure they know that Halloween is the best holiday 😋

- window shop a lot!! Take them to cool nearby stores and small businesses

-take note of things that they hover around when shopping and get those for Christmas!! Then they never know whats coming (who remembers anything they looked at for 5 seconds in June? )

-Summer camps!! Make sure that they are good ones!!

-SPEND 1 ON 1 TIME WITH THEM!!!! you don't always have to be a big family group make sure everyone is appreciated and loved ❤

-Take them out of school for mental health breaks (not often but if needed)

-SPEND TIME WITH COUSINS (if possible)

- let them sleep in your bed with you sometimes, even when they're older

-SNUGGLESSSS

-teach gender equality

-TEACH LGBTQ+ YOUNG (I don't need homophobic kids lol)

-dont be a helicopter parent/give space when needed

-teach them how to swim young!! Even if we don't live in Michigan anymore

-let them post on social media if they want!!

-DONT PICK BORING NAMES!!!

-send them to public school - better for world view and socialization

-See lots of plays and musicals with them 🎵

- DONT FIGHT WITH PARTNER IN FRONT OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

#gentle parenting #lgbtqia+#can you tell my parents are strict?#little me used a lot of exclamation points #psychology #ish #i literally have a story behind every single one of these #trauma #i want to be a better parent than the other adults around me

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antis-hell · 1 year ago

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Answering every question in an ask game because I'm bored and no one can stop me<3

(This game is from a deactivated blog, but you can still find the og post here!)

🦒 Do you have an inner world? If so how big is it?

Yep! It's fuckin massive tbh;-; several islands that we can't really access cus they're too far apart kind of big

🐈‍⬛ If you have an inner world did an alter consciously create it? And is anyone able to change it at will?

Nope;-; the majority of it was forcefully made by our abusers to distress us but some parts are slowly healing and changing from how it was originally, afaik the only alt that can change anything at will is Felix/Ion and that's only in selective parts.

🦝 Who is the most responsible person in your system?

Darky. All the fuckin way💀

🦋 Who fronts the most?

Me lol, I'm always at least in vague co con cus im the host

🦢 Do you mostly communicate externally or internally?

Bit of both tbh! We have chats in sp and discord that we use if amnesia walls are high, but mostly we can talk with people that are nearby when fronting

🦮 Do you have any animal alters?

Yep, we got a bunch, but our more frequent fronters are Mopha, a blue moth. Vulpix a kitsune looking cat thing and Fredbear a small yellow ish bear that kinda just chills with Darky

🦇 Do you have any parts/fragments that aren't fully alters/headmates?

Yep! Polyfrag goes brrrrrr, so we have a bunch of alts we consider parts rather than headmates

🦄 Do you have supernatural beings in your system?

Yep😭 again religious trauma is a bit silly, so we have most major Catholic demons, jesus, a few angels, God, celestial besings from the stars, and so much more;-;

🐖 If you were to be in a relationship would all of your headmates/alters date that person?

Nope! We have alts that are in strictly monogamous relationships in headspace so they wouldn't date the person the body is dating, same also goes for littles/middles and animal alters due to the fact they aren't mentally able to consent to a relationship (+ also any aroace alters that wouldn't want to date them)

🐭 Do most of your alters/headmates have the same or similar style/aesthetic?

Not in the slightest💀 we have fairly different styles which makes clothes shopping absolute hell

🪱 Do your alters/headmates have different sexualities? Do any contradict?

Yep! Most of us are gay men/masc aligned, but we do have a handful of lesbians and aroace ppl chilling up in this head

🐇 Do you know what your head count is?

700 at our last guess, but really, it could be anything😭

🦥 What is something that instantly makes someone switch in?

The taste of blood instantly makes Darky switch in. This is a but awkward when eating steak/meat, but he's pretty good at masking as me, so it's okay in the end

🐴 Do you have child alters/syskids?

Yep! We have a bunch:] Some are allowed on here, but we mostly keep them off social media due to safety concerns

🐆 If you have syskids/child alters do you have more adults/teens or children in your system?

Probably adults tbh😭 we have a LOT of littles, but if we're counting everyone that's not a little/middle as an adult, we dwarf them by a mile

🦔 Does anyone in your system age regress/dream?

Yep! I age regress in stressful episodes afaik only a few others do but I won't name them just for their privacy

🐶 Who has the best memory in your system?

Either Darky or Felix probably- they're the top gatekeepers, so they have access to everything pretty much

🦊 Do any of your alters have their own blogs just for them?

Darky does! He hasn't posted much on it yet but he's been mumbling about doing book reviews or some shit (like a fuchin old person would do/lh) I half told him to make one cus he needs more friends so go check it out if ya want! @upin-the-dark

Anyway, I had fun doing this:D If you want me to do any specific ask games/want me to do your ask game, send me the link, and I'll check it out!!/gen/nf

-anti💚🗡

#did #anti💚🗡#did osdd #did system #system ask games #ask game #i dont really know what to tag tbh-

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alumort · 2 years ago

Text

Ao3

Hii i decided to combine my hyperfixations because i can <3 hope you enjoy!!

(Background kakagai as usual, and implied sex at one point)

And then he woke up in his own bed, in his own clothes, but things were… different.

He was taller, and the red hues of fall decorated the plants he could see through his window when just the day before everything had been filled with many shades of deep green. The boy got up and observed the small home, and there were no signs that showed anybody had been living there for a long, long time.

"Ne… Neji? Is that you?" a soft voice asked, and the brunet looked up just to find his younger cousin staring at him from the kitchen– she was older now, an adult with long hair and even her kind eyes had changed, for there was nothing but rage in her gaze. "Where have you been all this time? You– you… the farm is all yours now. Don't even try to find me."

"Hinata, what happened? I can't remember–" Neji started to say, but Hinata didn't let him continue.

"You left me here! With your father, the weird Vale folk, and… and… you abandoned me," the girl said, holding back tears as she talked. "Hizashi died, you know? I've– um, I've been alone ever since, exploring the world… I don't know why I even came back here. Goodbye, big brother."

He couldn't do anything to make his cousin wait, to ask for explanations– she left as soon as she could, not even looking back to see if Neji tried to reach out for her. It was as if she had never been there in the first place.

A little voice in the back of his mind reminded him of the mystical item that fae had given him in his dreams; was it actually real? His pocket seemed to be heavier than usual, and when he grabbed whatever was inside of it, a huge seed was what he found.

Green with golden details, warm to the touch– the Kynseed, which would give him the ability to pass down his soul to his children, if he ever had any. Fairweather said there was a special place for it on Willowdown Farm, and he would probably get help when it was time to plant it.

Before Neji could even react, an annoying sound invaded his ears, and his gaze fell to the doorstep where a small… a miniature gnome thing was waiting, waving its arms at the boy.

"Hey, you! Human! Fill my bowl, I'm staaarving!" it said out loud, touching its stomach to dramatize the situation. "Why are you looking at me like that? Feed me!"

"Who do you think you are? I don't have to feed anyone," the brunet argued, crossing his arms against his chest as he talked. He felt himself shiver once his unwanted visitor looked at him in the eyes, his presence suddenly turning terrorific without effort.

"I'm Pott, the Brounie of this house, and if you don't give me food… bad things will happen on your farm, buddy. You don't wanna see them."

Anyone in the world knew better than to challenge a fae creature, and so Neji left a single egg on the wooden bowl Pott had mentioned, eyes widening at seeing its interior turn blue for some reason.

Magic was complicated, and he didn't feel like investigating it too much. And so the boy planted the magic seed with the help of the small gnome, observing everything with awe as a small sprout appeared mere seconds after the Kynseed was buried on the ground– he decided to leave it alone and explore the Vale, looking for fish to sell and herbs to gather in order to get some easy brass, riding the pig that used to belong to his father.

Everything was his now. The farm, the animals… and it probably would remain that way until the end of the time.

He would live forever– rather, his soul would be passed down to his offspring for a thousand years, making the Kynseed grow and grow for a long time. Neji didn't have time or energy to waste with other people, talking to them or trying to become their friend.

They would all die anyways, and he would be on his own once again, so what was the point? Any and all attempts of conversation from the Vale inhabitants were ignored, and they gave up trying after a couple of weeks, knowing that the brunet said nothing unless there were requests to be fulfilled.

… Most of them ignored him, except for a boy his age with pitch black hair, cut in an intricate form that reminded Neji of a bowl cut. He had spoken with him a couple of times in the past, before his fate had changed and he made a deal with that Fae rabbit. Or was Fairweather a hare? It didn't matter.

"Hello, Neji! Do you have everything you need for Winter?" his neighbor asked with a soft smile decorating his face, and Neji did nothing but nod in complete silence. Hearing no response, Lee went on. "Papa baked many things to save, and dad fished a lot. We are trying to start selling food for others… Tenten, however, is practicing with the smith. She is getting very good at forging!"

Uninteresting. Yet the shorter boy didn't have the heart to stop his companion from speaking, even though it was mostly a monologue apart from a casual hum– surely that would bore him, and soon Lee would stop pestering him anytime that their paths crossed.

Or that's what he believed. Instead, his annoying follower walked by his side, keeping him company even if he was met by nothing but silence and the occasional scoff; Lee just chuckled at his reaction and went on with his chattering, and Neji could do nothing but roll his eyes as he picked up requests from the bulletin board.

At one point, their conversations stopped being monologues, and the brunet began giving one-worded answers, silently not wanting his companion to leave by his side even if he would never admit it out loud. Having someone by his side soothed his heart, even if he wasn't the most chatty person in the world. Whatever plan Lee had in mind, it was working– Neji stopped getting annoyed by him as time passed, and he even allowed the other boy to be his right hand man in the dark forests.

There was one thing nobody could deny; Lee was a strong fighter and had ability with swords, even if he couldn't realize it on his own. Their movements synchronized with ease, as if they had fought back to back in a previous life, acting as one even without much training. No monster could escape from their blades.

They watched over the other when a more or less safe place was found, lighting a campfire and talking as if they weren't in the middle of a dangerous place, knowing that everything would be okay for as long as they remained together. The icy coldness of Winter forced them to be close to the blazing flames, focusing on not dying due to the low temperatures– Lee was talking about one of the books he was reading back at his house, flapping his hands excitedly as he spoke, doing those small gestures he always did when he got carried away.

Cute was the first word to appear in his mind, and Neji tried to focus on something else once he noticed that thought. It didn't last long, though–

Without him even realizing it, his fingers ended up entwined with Lee's, whose cheeks turned dark in a blush while the familiar chattering faded away in the air. The black haired boy let out a nervous chuckle, never separating himself from his companion, with a warm hue illuminating his face. Neji couldn't say anything, not even knowing how to react– who had grabbed the other's hand first? The details were fuzzy, but he also didn't want to let go.

He could feel his heart beating on his chest, on his throat, as Lee smiled at him and slowly leaned in closer to the other boy; their lips were mere millimeters apart, and it would be so easy to just…

From a moment to another, his companion pushed him to the side, and Neji would have groaned if he hadn't seen the ax passing right in front of his face. An angry hob had appeared and it didn't take long for Lee to finish it off, killing it with a single slash of his sword and grinning at seeing his small victory.

"Wasn't this a safe zone?" the brunet complained, crossing his arms against his chest as he talked, traces of a blush finally disappearing from his cheeks.

"I thought so, I am so sorry!" his companion (Friend? Something?) said, scratching the back of his neck before picking up his things, ready to go on as if nothing had happened between the two. "We are almost there! Dad will be so happy to have Pakkun back, let us continue."

As if they hadn't almost kissed mere heartbeats ago. Neji huffed, deciding to keep quiet and soothe his anger with his blade and whatever unfortunate monster that he found on the way. They managed to see how Pakkun wagged his tail excitedly right at the edges of Simplewood, for once being energetic and running to Lee's arms as if he knew things were going to be alright from that point onwards– the brunet rolled his eyes, deciding to ignore them and go back to the North Gate of his kingdom just to return the small dog to his owner.

There wasn't much distance to cover to go to the Maito-Hatake house, yet it felt like countless kilometers for his tired and confused soul. Any and all attempts of conversation made by the other boy were ignored, and soon an uncomfortable silence fell between the two until they got to their destination.

What was he supposed to do? Neji had never been close to anybody to almost feel their lips against his own, and now he was questioning everything– was that why Lee liked to hang out with him? It was a mystery that he couldn't decipher, for it wasn't like they had been

For a couple of days, the brunet decided to avoid his adventuring companion, not even knowing what was going on in his heart. Farming and fishing on his farm were the only things he focused on, using a Fae key to easily transport himself to different villages if it was necessary to get some easy Brass. It was better than accidentally meeting Lee, at least until he figured out anything about his feelings.

He wanted to avoid the North Gate at all costs, just in case he would meet the boy by accident even though his trips usually took place during the darkest hour of the night– it had been the only time that someone had tried to make a move on him, and Neji didn't even know if that would have been something to enjoy.

Instead, he opted for ignoring every gift and letter left on his mailbox, the carefully picked sunflowers left on his doorstep. He didn't know what else to do; Lee would die as time went by, so there was no reason to get attached to him more than he was. Neji didn't need anybody else in his life, for they would soon disappear before he even realized it.

Seasons passed with every single blink, after all. Discovering Fae mysteries was fun and time-consuming, although his lifespan got reduced whenever a huge mistake was made– Neji had gotten so comfortable with having Lee behind him that Simplewoods soon became a deadly challenge.

It was yet another way of keeping himself busy, to ignore someone who liked to be by his side in complete silence. His soul ached at his absence, but being on his own was for the best; his heart would be hurt even more once it was time to say goodbye, if something even happened between the two. They were better on their own, definitely.

… although Lee didn't seem to think the same way, for he was sitting in front of the dark woods with a shining sword and shield in hand. He grinned once he could see Neji, and went to receive him with a warm embrace.

"I can finally see you again! I have been waiting for you," his companion exclaimed, and once again the brunet decided to remain in complete silence, keeping to himself without pronouncing a single letter. Lee gulped. "Um… you have not replied to my letters. I am so sorry about everything– I will stop if it would make you more comfortable. How does that sound?"

"No."

Judging by his gaze, it was crystal clear that the taller boy wasn't expecting that response – who knows how long he had been yearning for him, and now… Neji never realized when both had grown so much, not caring about senseless things like years or months anymore, and he had to look up to see his companion's eyes or even try to steal a kiss from his lips. Lee's eyes brightened up and he leaned in, closing the distance between the two without wasting any time at all.

Although, neither of them had kissed anybody before, and they were technically adults now; the contact didn't last for long, and both of them were blushing deeply as silence fell between the two, enough so they could distinguish the distant groans of monsters from inside Simplewood. But that was the last thought on their minds; instead, Neji grabbed Lee's shirt and supported himself on it to give him another kiss, enjoying the taste of his lips against his own and how his companion carefully wrapped his waist with his arms. The brunet could feel his heart beating so quickly that he was afraid that it would explode at any moment…

Until Lee pulled away, with a goofy smile decorating his face at all times.

"Neji, do you want to go on?" he asked, more as a plea than as a question, with a soft tone so nobody but his companion would be able to hear his words.

It didn't take much to give an answer to that. Neji guided Lee back to his farm to finish what they had started, where he paid no mind as his clothes were removed with haste– they kept exchanging more and more kisses through the night, and something more, until both of them ended up laying side by side on the brunet's bed without exchanging many words.

It was getting a bit cold, so he got comfortable closer to his lover, his ear placed carefully on Lee's chest so as to not make him uncomfortable. Only then did the brunet talk again, in a barely audible voice.

"Why do you like talking with me so much? Even when I ignore you, you… keep coming back, Lee," Neji whispered, relaxing with the soothing rhythm of Lee's heartbeats. "I don't get it. Why do you love me so much?"

Silence. His companion caressed his back in small soothing circles, stealing a kiss or two from him before saying anything, chuckling at the brunet's confused expression as if it was a joke of sorts.

"You really do not remember, do you? Before you disappeared, you, um– Neji, you defended me from someone," Lee whispered, his gaze falling on his companion's eyes for a couple of moments before he went on. "From the Poppyhill boy, remember? Gaara, was it?"

Neji had vague memories of it all, yet he never thought it would be a big deal– the stranger had visited the Vale with his siblings, and he picked on Lee to get strawberries off his hands. Nobody was doing anything but stare, so the brunet jumped in and–

Hizashi didn't let him get out of the farm for a whole week, but it was worth it to give justice to the little black haired boy who just wanted to make a friend or two. Neji hadn't even noticed that it was Lee himself due to the many changes his hair had suffered in the couple of years that he had been missing.

Goddesses, had he really not only remembered that, but tried to befriend him once Neji had returned to the farm? His insistence made sense now, although his companion fell asleep before they could talk further.

And just like that, Neji realized that his heart had been won after so much time of Lee trying to become his friend, yet there was something he couldn't deny; Lee would die before his soul faded, and the pain… seeing how cute his companion was while being asleep was like a weight taken off his chest, somehow.

Thirty years– that was all the time that they would have together, until Neji turned fifty and his soul immediately left his body. Every time that he got defeated in Simplewood or when he messed up with Fae creatures his lifespan got reduced, and soon an idea formed in his mind:

To not waste his life anymore. The few years he had together with Lee must be worth it, for his heart had never loved anyone else except his cousin and his father, and both were gone from his life now; it would be better to stay there with the other boy, forgetting about the rest of the world and his tasks and just… enjoy himself for once.

For now, Neji would rest on his arms, allowing exhaustion to take place and make him forget about the troubles he would soon ignore.

That wasn't their last meeting– quite the opposite. For countless days both boys met, and in a couple of years they decided to finally settle down together; they spent more time with the other than alone, anyways, so it wouldn't be a drastic change.

And so the wedding ritual began; a white flower that Lee gave Neji on the first day of the week, and then the gathering of three charmweed, an egg and then some flour– the brunet helped his fiancée prepare the Pie of You and I, needed to exchange for the wedding rings that the priest would give them so they could get wed with the Goddesses' approval.

And with the blooming colors of Spring, Neji and Lee were made husbands, with only four people assisting to the ceremony– Kakashi, Gai, Tenten and Hinata, who had decided to give her cousin another chance. A couple of gifts and congratulations were given, and then the newly made husbands were left alone for the rest of the day.

Lee was more than familiar with the farm's structure, and it didn't take him long to make himself home in a spare wardrobe that Neji had laying around; he actually managed to repair it, and even put some extra shelves for the things he used to workout and get stronger. The brunet was interested in his training equipment, and Lee was more than happy to teach him how to use every single item correctly.

Days went by without much happening– they cooked together, took care of crops and the few animals Hizashi had left behind, and the black haired man sometimes even helped his spouse fish in the most remote places one could imagine.

They talked to the other, even if there was nothing that they didn't know of their partner at that point; Lee told him of how he had been adopted by his dads from a young age alongside Tenten, and Neji admitted that his uncle had stolen him from his parents' watch just to drop him at the shoe with his cousin, Hiashi's own daughter.

By disappearing, he had left Hinata all alone, and that was why she was so angry at him. The brunet had never said it out loud, but he tried to make up an excuse for his absence– kidnapping by some fae, he told Lee, which wasn't technically the truth but also not a complete lie.

His husband had believed him without any kind of doubt, and gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead to try and show his support. Neji hugged him in response and they stayed like that, keeping each other company until they saw a chicken enter the house when she should be outside. They laughed and chased her around, making sure the bird left and didn't invade again.

Life was calm, and somehow Neji always managed to find stuff to do in the farm or on the bulletin boards, still ignoring the dark woods and other dangerous places like Woemarsh. He managed to save a good amount of brass, so there would always be warm food on their table– and maybe, just maybe, he could buy and run a shop… he would need to discuss it with his partner.

Either way, they would still need to figure out who to hire as staff. A better plan was needed if they did decide to do something with their brass– for now, they would keep saving for their future, perhaps to later have a child or two if the rabbit corndoll gave them any luck.

Before he even realized, the last day of Winter had arrived once again, and Fairweather decided to pay him a visit after a long period of silence.

He had entered his dreams, just like it was usual of the hare to do, and offered him countless goods– a necklace to get more brass by selling items, a clock… but there was a catch; every item bought implied spending years of life on it, and he already had few of those.

"I don't want your things. I want to let time pass by naturally," Neji exclaimed, crossing his arms against his chest, not looking at the magic items even once.

Fairweather stared at him, moving his ears to the sides before making up a response, his voice sending shivers to the brunet's back.

"You really love that man, don't you, human? But he'll die, just like everyone else in Quill– you won't die anytime soon, however," the hare exclaimed, eyes fixed on Neji's for a moment before he saved everything under his cape. "Remember your immortality, Neji. Don't get too attached to mortals!"

And just like that, he woke up in the middle of the night, hiding in his husband's arms without saying anything just to try and fall asleep once again.

Neji kept ignoring any attempt made by the hare of forcing him to waste his life, and instead he decided to spend his days with Lee, farming or foraging stuff to cook and later sell at goods market or stores. His husband and him ended up deciding to later buy one of the stores in their village, but they couldn't leave their house for now– they were waiting for something.

The stork would pay them a visit soon, for the rabbit corndoll had worked after many months of trying. In Quill, couples of any gender could get children with the help of the Goddesses, but they didn't carry them on their bellies like it used to happen in the distant past; that's why a literal bird would visit them with a small bundle, where a kid slept peacefully until they arrived to their destination.

There was no need for both of them to be present when their child arrived, but both men were excited– it was like a miracle, for they were going to stop trying until they got lucky with their last attempt. And now, someone had to be present by the time the stork arrived, because… they didn't really trust the farm's Brounie with such responsibility. It was better to take care of things on their own.

"Neji, look! It is there!" Lee announced, running outside as he saw the stork flying down, landing with elegance in front of their doorstep with the small bundle on its beak.

Neji carefully took the baby, and his eyes brightened up– it was a little boy, almost identical to Lee but with his eye shape. An almost perfect copy of one of his parents, who was already crying and couldn't hold his son in fear of accidentally falling. The brunet didn't even realize when he had started to talk to the baby, but he noticed that his son chuckled at his words, not even understanding but liking his voice anyways.

"How shall we name him, Lee?" Neji asked, his gaze never leaving the boy, who he had now placed near his chest to let him rest on him without problem.

"Well… we will get the blacksmith, right? What if we call him Metal? I know it is silly, but it could work!" Lee replied with a grin and excitement in his voice, hugging his husband before talking again. "But I am just suggesting! You can choose, too."

"Metal. I like how it sounds… our son will have a special name," the brunet replied, leaning into the embrace while making sure Metal wasn't hurt at any moment.

And so they began trying to buy a store, in order to give their son a good life and anything he would ever need.

A deal was made with Zabuza and Haku after a while, and they decided to sell their blacksmith for a good amount of brass to Neji, who was later reminded of someone who had been learning the art of smiting for many years– Tenten, who gladly accepted the position at the forge with a huge grin on her face.

She was a good worker and liked talking with the brunet, who was in charge of selling whatever she crafted and organizing the finances of their shop. It didn't take long for 'The Misty Sword Smith' (name given by the previous owners) rose in popularity among all Quill residents, and even some fae visited from different realms, always leaving a good tip to the workers.

Lee was in charge of finding good ores whenever Neji and Tenten were too busy with work, and he liked to bring little Metal to see his family when it was time to give the different minerals to the blacksmith. He was a curious baby, always looking at everything with wide eyes and chuckling whenever Neji made funny faces or carried him in his arms while dealing with annoying people.

"Do you like it here? Do you?" he asked his son with a soft voice even though Metal was too young to say anything, instead receiving giggles in response. It was almost closing time, so there was nobody around at that hour. "You're so happy."

"He loves being with his dad! And I feel the same way," Lee commented, wrapping his husband with his arm and giving him a kiss, grinning at the feeling that Neji returned the gesture.

Then, the brunet felt something tugging on his shirt, and turned to see that his child was trying to get his attention. He carried him again and hugged him, smiling at seeing Metal slowly fall asleep between his arms– his chest felt warm by how happy he was, and Neji didn't want anything else in the world that the peace that his family brought him just by being there for him.

And just like every year, the trees became bare and the wind became colder with snow, and yet another Winter took place in Quill. Neji didn't think much of it, going on with his life as usual, waking up his husband and son with the smell of fresh food and a warm hug to both Metal and Lee, who both chuckled and grinned in the same way no matter how much time passed.

The Kynseed had grown older with the years, and so did the family of three– Metal wasn't a little toddler anymore, in fact, he was a young man now. But he would always be their little boy, no matter how much he complained.

Soon their day had to begin, and the younger man went to take care of the crops as he usually did, as Neji got ready for work and Lee kept him company for a while before he had to leave. It was then that his husband leaned to the brunet to tell him something in a soft tone, as a whisper.

"I have something nice planned for tomorrow, love. Metal will go visit Houki and Mitsuki after our lunch, and then we will have the rest of the day for ourselves," Lee whispered in his ear, and the brunet couldn't help but chuckle, not needing more words to understand what would happen on the following day.

"But why tomorrow? You could surprise me today," Neji argued, although there was a playful smile on his face, increased only by his husband's confused expression. "What?"

"Neji, tomorrow is your birthday! You turn fifty– that is why we must celebrate!"

For a moment, the brunet grinned, kissing his partner without saying anything else– it would be just another birthday, and things would go on as normal, so why bother worrying about anything else?

… at least, that's what Neji believed at first. Until a memory appeared on his mind, of a fae hare covered in leaves smiling at him in an odd way, of ignoring anything dangerous just to spend more time with his loved ones without thinking of strange things such as immortality.

He couldn't ignore it for longer– it was too late for him.

"... I'll die tomorrow, my dear," Neji whispered to Lee, his gaze falling on the ground as he talked. His husband tilted his head to the side and chuckled, thinking it was some kind of joke, but the brunet wasn't even smiling in the slightest. "I'm serious, Lee. It's… complicated fae stuff, and– my soul will leave my body. I'll be here, but I won't be me."

The other man seemed more confused than anything else, and he decided to hug the brunet before talking once again.

"But how? And why?" Lee asked, his gaze showing both sadness and confusion, hugging his husband with his eyes fixed on the shorter man.

"That's why I disappeared for a while after we met– a fae said it was my destiny, and he gave me a contract to sign," Neji replied, letting out a soft sigh afterwards. He went on. "I never expected to fall in love with anyone. I… I regret it now, but it can't be changed. I'm so sorry."

There was silence between the two, and neither man wanted to speak first– and so it soon was time for Neji to go to the blacksmith, work until late in the day and probably not see his partner until he got back.

He could do nothing to change his fate, albeit he wished there was something, anything– but life wasn't fair to anyone, let alone him. Fairweather was probably laughing on his realm, knowing how hurt the husbands were without any way of staying together.

Technical, they could. But Neji would be on his child's body; neither Lee or him would be comfortable continuing their relationship that way. But how could he know what the other man would do afterwards? They probably would come up with a plan the following day.

It was time to go home, with night falling behind him– Neji knew how his fate would change once the clock hit midnight, and he almost dreaded coming back to the farm.

His family received him with open arms, with herring soba and other delicious food on the table, ready to be eaten easily. Metal had wondered why they were going to celebrate early, but didn't mind too much. Lee hugged the brunet as if he would leave the place forever– in a way, that was true, yet neither man wanted to say it out loud.

A way to avoid destiny, perhaps. They acted as if nothing would happen, having fun and talking late into the night, stomachs full with different dishes by the time they went to bed.

Neji leaned towards his partner, who hugged him without saying much, gently caressing his long hair and stealing kisses from him every now and then.

Neji finally closed his eyes after countless minutes, becoming small on his husband's arms in complete silence– everything would be okay for as long as he could be with Lee, no matter how long or short their time together would be. He wouldn't leave once his soul possessed Metal, and they would take care of the farm and the blacksmith just like they had done for many years.

It would be okay, or so he wanted to believe as the pain of his joints disappeared once he woke up in a bed that wasn't his own, in a body that wasn't his. Neji looked around the house in hopes of seeing his husband, but all he saw was his own corpse where he had fallen asleep in the previous night– something in his heart ached at seeing himself like that, skin cold to the touch even if the Summer warmth wouldn't have allowed it in a normal occasion.

He really had died, and his soul was now on his son's body no matter how strange that seemed in his eyes. It would be confusing for a while, and surely in no time Neji would get used to his new appearance and to his only child's absence; where was the true Metal? Pinehaven? He would need to ask Fairweather about him, but the hare would probably make him pay with part of his lifespan for information.

Anyways. He had to look for his husband now, wherever he had decided to hide… but first, a full mailbox caught his attention, and usually the townspeople gave him free stuff so Neji decided to check what was going on first.

A letter from Tenten, one from Naruto and, on the farthest part of the box… was an envelope that only said 'Lee' on the front.

Fuck, was all that the brunet could think of, ignoring everything else to check what had been written by his husband– it could be anything, and for him to feel the need to give it like that… something bad was going to happen soon. He had to know what Lee had written in the paper, who knew what he was willing to do?

It said:

'Dear Neji,

I love you with all of my heart, and I hope you keep in mind as you read this. You told me that you were going to change bodies, or something, but… Neji, it will be better if I am not here to watch it happen.

I will die, anyways. I do not want you to go through that pain– it will happen. And if I am not with you, I am afraid being alive makes no sense. Please forgive me, love.'

And then nothing but emptiness, for Lee didn't need to be explicit with what he was going to do– there was only one place that the man would go, for suicide would guarantee a chaotic afterlife, and nobody in Quill wanted that to happen. Being killed by a monster would be the best option.

No matter how fast his legs moved, he would never catch up to Lee– he was faster, stronger and knew the intricate paths of Simplewood better than Neji himself did. He dodged every single creature that got in his way, avoiding fights just to get to his husband without problem; nothing else mattered to him in those moments apart from seeing him safe and sound, wherever he was.

At one point, he managed to distinguish a familiar black hair from between the bushes and he couldn't help it but smile– it faded away in mere seconds, seeing how bloody his husband was, for he hadn't even bothered to bring a shield or a sword to fight and was instead sitting down without moving at all.

"Lee! Stop it!" Neji exclaimed, and he could hear his son's voice coming out from his lips in the first words he said out loud in that new body. He bit his lower lip at seeing Lee turn around and just… smile at him in an apologetic way, eyes closed and ready to allow beasts to destroy his body with no effort.

It didn't take long for the brunet (no, he had black hair just like Lee now) to slash every living creature that tried to attack his partner, but soon he realized it was too late to save him.

No matter what he tried to do, Lee's bleeding didn't stop, not even with the help of healing cream and countless bandages– Neji could feel tears falling from his eyes, desperation taking over his soul as he saw that his husband was going to die in his arms.

And nothing could be done to change his fate.

"Neji, leave me," Lee ordered in mere whispers, barely audible in the middle of the forest and even then Neji refused to obey. "I… I will die anyway. I do not want you to suffer later on."

"No, Lee! Please, stay with me…" Neji mumbled, but his words went unheard– the shine of his husband's eyes had faded right after he had said that, and there was no pulse on his neck anymore, almost as if he had waited to say that before finally dying without waiting to get help.

It was as if the world had turned gray, and not only because of an approaching storm– Neji felt some kind of blockage on his chest as he managed to carry Lee out of Simplewood and into a fae gateway, not knowing what else to do.

Rain fell on his shoulders as he carried his lover back to his farm, falling instead of all the tears repressed on his eyes, knowing that he would never wake up again. Tenten saw him and ran towards him, calling him by a name that wasn't his and a worried expression on her face– Neji couldn't comprehend what she said, what Kakashi and Gai said with only sadness showing through their eyes.

"Metal, I'm so sorry… you– you need to go inside, you might get sick," the black haired man exclaimed, placing a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to bring him some kind of comfort.

He said nothing as his family guided him to his home and helped him carry Lee, and it was then that they discovered a second dead body on the same day. Everyone tried to soothe his pain, but Neji had a never-ending hole in his chest that nothing would ever fill back up again, numb towards the world in the middle of his grief as the entire Vale walked to the graveyard to start the funeral.

There wasn't much else to say or do. Death had taken his husband, and now it was time to say goodbye, go on with his immortal life as if nothing had ever happened. As if nothing had ever happened, and his home had been vacant apart from himself–

"I love you, Lee. I hope the Goddesses treat you right," Neji muttered to himself, his heart feeling heavy with his new voice. His eyes cried for both Metal and Lee as his husband's (and his own) body submerged under the funeral pool of the graveyard, only to never be seen ever again.

His heart became as gelid as ice itself, and Neji never allowed anyone to warm it up, barely even talking to Lee's family even though they didn't know it was him and not his son. Only to Tenten due to their shared job at the blacksmith, yet in the end she ended up passing away as time went by.

He couldn't recognize anyone from the Vale anymore– everyone who had originally inhabited it had died, including his old body. It was hard to find someone to cover her spot, and he had to close his shop no matter how hard he tried to save it.

The shop he had bought in his previous life, where he had spent countless hours with his family– the memories of the past haunted his soul and Neji found himself avoiding the entire place, focusing on battling and fishing as if nothing else was important in life. Ignoring the dusty collection of books that his soulmate had gathered with the passing of the years, only sparing a quick glance to clean the yellowing pages before they crumbled to dust.

Neji didn't have the heart to bother about anything at all, and he barely spoke with anyone that wasn't the old lady of The Shoe and his adopted offspring– nothing was worth his attention in his eyes, and it remained that way for hundreds of years until his contract with Fairweather came to an end.

#nejilee #leeneji #neji hyuga #rock lee #naruto #kynseed

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ere-the-sun-rises · 3 months ago

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11. Stretch regularly, whetger you exercise or not. It makes your body feel good and makes it easier to sleep.

12. Shower at least every other day. It's a godsend for your mental health.

13. Surround yourself with things you like. I don't care how cringe it may feel - having a space full of things you love that feel like you makes the world a little easier to deal with.

14. Put a plant in whichever rooms you spend the most time in. They don't have to be big or even really pretty, they just need to be there. Greenery matters to your mental health and the routine of watering them is bizarrely serene and calming.

15. Own a multi-headed screwdriver, small hammer, needle nose pliers, slip joint pliers, an exacto knife, wood glue, a putty knife, Polyfilla and electrical tape. Congratulations, you can now fix nearly anything in your house.

16. Screws are better for securing things than nails and Robertson screws (the square-holed ones) are the easiest and most effective to screw in.

17. Marie Kondo's folding method for clothes is really space-effective.

18. Bathmats and floor runners are far, far superior to carpet because you can throw them in the washing machine. If you need full floor coverage, buy an area rug instead.

19. If you can, buy a very good, thick-bottomed stainless steel collection of pots. They will be expensive, but you will never need another pot in your life.

20. Open the windows in your place as often as you can.

21. Have a minimum of two ice packs in your freezer and a heating pad. These are invaluable.

22. It is really worth it to buy the fabric band-aids over the cheaper plastic ones. Everything else being generic or dollar store is fine.

23. You're never too old to enjoy things. You don't become more of an adult because you're joyless - you just become a miserable adult.

24. $1000 is not a lot to make, but it is a lot to spend. Do so wisely.

25. Establish credit score early. The longer you have it running, the better it will be and the easier it will be to get loans for big things like houses or cars.

26. *Ideally* one paycheque should pay your rent/mortgage while the other picks up all the other expenses. Ideally. I know it doesn't always work that way.

27. Try to make older friends at work/school, including senior staff/profs. They'll look out for you and knowing older people is good for you.

28. If someone in your life treats you like shit, get rid of them.

29. Do not stay in a relationship just because "they've done nothing wrong." If you're not getting what you need, just leave. There doesn't have to be a wrong done to break up. And for fuck's sake, do not start fighting with your partner to give yourself an excuse. Be better than that.

30. Children put a lot of strain on finances and relationships. Do not have them if either of those are under significant strain.

31. Your twenties are early years yet. Fuck up, learn from it, and move on. Live your life at your own pace, own who you are, love who you love, dress how you want and be who you want to.

32. Try harder to be kind rather than good. Being good is fine, but being kind is what shows.

33. You don't need a moral justification for disliking someone/thing. You don't have to be an ass about it, but it's really okay to just not like something.

hi any life advice for 21yo

Don't date thirty-year-olds until you are at least 25.

Having a glass of water for every glass of alcohol will give you a 50% reduction in hangover viciousness.

Bad people will use your willingness to be quiet as a weapon against you. If someone's being awful to you and trusting you'll be quiet to keep from making waves, surprise them.

There is no physical object in the world that is worth as much as your honor.

Honor is not the same as dignity. Retaining one sometimes means leaving the other aside.

Don't have any sex you don't want to have; have as much as you want of the sex that you do, whether that's a lot, a little, or none at all. Nothing you can do to your own body is immoral, unless you're doing it as an act of self-punishment.

Food is morally neutral. You do not have to earn the right to eat calories. Fat and sugar keep your brain from eating itself.

Learning to sit still and breathe--in, in, in, hold, hold, hold, out, out, out, out, out, out--can give you five feet of clear space around yourself in a maelstrom.

Find out how to make three good meals: A comfort meal you can make for just yourself relatively easily, a fancy meal you can use to wow a date, and a meal you can feed a bunch of people. All the other cooking can come later, but you can build a community on those three meals.

If you ever get to the point that things are so bleak you can see no other way forward but to die, make any other choice. If that means leaving everything you own and being a beach bum, or quitting your career, or taking up or leaving a religion, or deciding to bicycle across the country, so be it; living means more chances, dying means everything stops and you don't get to see any more interesting things. As you have not yet seen all the things that can interest you, it is better to live.

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taketwoinink · 2 years ago

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🍓🐬🐷🔥⭐

⭐-cozy vibes. You exist perpetually in a state of oversized sweatshirts and comfy jeans or leggings. You have something warm to drink at all tomes, and a smile for others even when you don't feel it yourself because you just want others to be happy in life.

Vibe Ask Game

🍓 - Fem vibes, interesting! I'm assuming that this is because I'm a sweet individual who strives to listen more than solve who also has a passion for creativity and aesthetic things, and subconsciously or not, those are more often associated with femininity than masculinity. I would say in actuality, yes I do tend to lean fem (in clothing style) but if I was going to call myself fem or masc, I would say masc because I'm more comfortable with that. However I am not a man and being a man wouldn't be pleasant. I love being feminine, but I want to be feminine in a masculine way rather than a feminine way. It's weird, gender is complicated

🐬- Early adult vibes *cries (not literally)* thank you. I'm the youngest in my family and in most of my friend groups and basically everywhere I go I tend to be the youngest person there. And a lot of people, whether intentional or not, tend to treat me like I'm young. And yes, I know that there are functional and valid differences between age groups but I still hate it Because the thing is, to me, being treated like I'm young more often than not means I'm treated as less capable. Less responsible. Less smart. If I say something wrong or if I don't have evidence and research to go with things I say, people tend to get that voice where they're correcting you and doubting you and it makes you feel like a stupid child when you're not. And there's nothing wrong with children! I don't want them, but they're so much smarter and more capable than we give them credit for. It drives me crazy So to hear that I have adult-ish vibes, even if it's early adult vibes, is actually really comforting and flattering. I want to talk and be weird and say dumb stuff without feeling like it makes me less of a person. Without feeling like I've failed somehow. Just because I'm small and my voice is annoyingly high pitched and I look like I'm 12 sometimes, doesn't mean I'm any less worthy of respect or that I'm any less capable than anyone else Getting a little trauma dumpy here sorry, but this plays into my big fear of being seen as unreliable too. I always have so much I want to do and sometimes I try to do too much. And sometimes I'm not doing too much but because of mental or physical health issues or unexpected life things happening, I don't get everything I want to done on the timeline that I said it would. I feel like I'm always playing catch up on my own projects and obligations, even on things that should be low stress and pressure, and it's exhausting I don't want to let anyone down and I don't want anyone to think I'm not capable. I know that I am. I know that I'm responsible and I can be reliable and I want to be and I want to be that person that everyone knows will always come through for them. Just sometimes it's a lot and I do things slower than I meant to or my brain dies and I forget about them entirely. And that's not completely my fault either, I have a lot of things making life more complicated for me, it's just- yeah. It's a lot Anyway, the point is thank you. I really do hope that I come off as mature and dependable and a good person. Because I try really hard to be that

🐷- Friendly vibes. Good! I am extremely friendly! I love people so much and I always want to meet new people and make new friends and I'll probably end up overextending myself again trying to help them all (because I do that), but I've gotten a lot better at that. And internet friendships take a lot less out of me than in person friendships do. I'm always happy to meet new people and have conversations and you are always welcome to come and bug me about whatever you want and even if I don't respond quickly or very interestingly, I love to listen and I'm probably just tired

🔥- ha ha, yeah accurate. I am a Smol, in more ways than one. My family and I make a lot of jokes about me being a twig because I'm so short and skinny. I used to want to be shorter when I was young because shorter = easier to fit into small spaces. I never got the whole tall hype vibe. I get it a bit more now but honestly, I'm happy with my short height. Not too small but definitely still small.

⭐- cozy vibes. Absolutely I hope so! I love cozy. I almost always have a blanket with me at home and I'll often be curled up wherever I'm sitting. "You exist perpetually in a state of oversized sweatshirts and comfy jeans or leggings." Comfy jeans or leggings 100%. Comfy pants for the win. Oversized sweatshirts I love, but actually I don't wear them a whole ton. I think I used to more back before I developed a sense of fashion. I tend to wear long shirts that I tuck into my pants and it's a vibe and I look really cute. Lots of button up flannels because those are great for fighting dysphoria (wearing one right now lol, it's one of my favorite shirts) Highly recommend "You have something warm to drink at all times" hmmm oddly enough no. I always have water with me because water is life, but that's the majority of what I drink. I love hot chocolate, but I don't have a lot of it. I also drink herbal tea sometimes and I guess that's warm... if I was a coffee person, I'd probably have more warm drinks, but I'm not. It's mostly just water that I drink "A smile for others even when you don't feel it yourself because you just want others to be happy in life" I hope so! I really do just want everyone to be happy and if I can do something to help someone be a bit happier, I will gladly do it. I also love my smile so sometimes I'll smile for myself even if I don't feel it because it'll make me happier. I have a beautiful smile

#thank you so much for the questions!#ask game #mutuals #generalluxun #this got really long oopsies #sorry not sorry #here we have a classic case of Ink talks a lot

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the-firebird69 · 2 years ago

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And Jason escaped using our son's method he saw the little pocket bike was the light cycle said he had to ride it then they had the other one the other room and said I have to ride that not big but not big enough to ride it the second one so he had to eat like a madman wasn't working yet do you like a madman in escaped and the cops pulled the girls over following him so he tried to figure out what they're doing told the girls so he stopped for the girls in the hospital I told the girls to head out and they fled he took off my son said they're away he told us the cops after him hit the gas he knows how to ride and could not believe how hard it was Jamie got mad and said you're going too fast too quickly slow down and start practicing Jason had enough the news is right enough to get away so it worked on it. Most appreciated and Tommy f will soon he's gotten away from them many times and he knows what he's doing. Jason got away and said no way said how many horsepower is it and it couldn't believe it it was only like 15 horsepower and is going 200 mph not kilometers the cops couldn't even see him cuz he was so far ahead and Cars saw go by and was saying what the hell is that. Because that's the Phoenix. The name is sticking and the colony of the Phoenix lifecycle company cuz they look different it's made by eagle motor company, that we might make it into a subsidiary like hard not kicker 5150 is it's completely different process and different manufacturing line for light cycles they already have a bunch of companies making them they can't seem to make it fast enough or cheap enough these are cheap you can make them fast so go ahead and setting it up design it's sleeker it's it's thinner it's smaller in the very fast and he's got a medium one and full size one and a huge one and it looks kind of like Brad's with the tires are big but boy is it haul ass it's going to make a trike and a car version and here's how it goes we want people on these to stop the clothes they made tons of them

20 cc's light cycle pit bike and we sell the gear with it for kids for children too and it goes about 70 mph you can put a limiter on it looks exactly like a light cycle and with his weight going to go about 60 he's first side and he almost wet his pants it was so cool to him and he heard about the method and you put it up on the mantle and it's a entertainment center and cast a movie that the things that you attached to it and as a radio that's built in it's really an entertainment center. And there's the next size up and that's like the adult entertainment center and that's what we designed the other day it's about 50 in Long and this would be 49cc or 125 cc's. The medium one which is like a Honda rebel size that switch down into a light cycle this one is 250 cc's or 350 cc's. There's a medium light cycle in the size of a regular sport bike a little bit bigger it's like a superbike size but squish down into a light cycle. The medium is 350cc or 450 CC and there's a large one that's 450cc or 550 CC and they're all chain drive everything is high tech they're all alloys they have all the cows and they have the systems that hold you on and they're all very fast and have safety devices. Do we have an option on the medium and the large one to go to the shaft drive and with it while we're thinking about that

Right now the pit bike size is about $1,200

And the very small one that's bigger than the pit bike is $1,500

The rebel Honda rebel size is about a 2500 there's a jump there because it's very high performance and the top speed is about it's about 600 miles an hour the one before this is about 400 if it's souped up and comes out of the box at about 250 in the small one the pit bike we'll go about 80 if you soup it up and 70 out of the box

The medium light cycle is a real bike is $4,500 and top speed is about 800 has a 350 and 450cc option

And the large is about 7,500 so 450cc or 550 CC and it goes about 1200 miles an hour

Thanks for on sale now it's from the light cycle company and it's a little bit different design it's very safe and powerful and strong but they're made to be less expensive and it may have had a positive effect on the top speed and performance because they weigh less

I only have a complete line of light cycles including off-road in the car and the trike and with a shaft drive and even with a turbine and five cycle but that won't be for some time for real until the sales get up there and confidence is in the consumer we need we need people to have confidence the others don't sell that much but they do it

Thor Freya

These are our cycles it's Hera and I mostly we help design or no we designed the bikes and we had people go through it and critique it and try and say if there's anything wrong or not the reason I designed them like this way is to make them less expensive they don't have a lot of beef to them but the parts are very strong and I lightened it up a little with an alloy which is not much money they came out very cheap and very strong and very fast and I'm redesigning my sim light cycle based on it and that has a different power plant and I have more reinforcement but it's made for for much faster use and heavy use and the fly cycle too and I'm getting a lot more speed out of it and Hera mentioned it and boy is she an angel she is really good at this and it's a engineering and design and I have to hand to her she did a great job today and has backed me up the whole time and I'm okay it's kind of a little bit boring and it's probably boring for her too

Zues

He means the day-to-day stuff is not very exciting and the show itself is kind of very lame and the mall was better than what's going on here and there's people cross idiots and Walmart and it just is going on and on and on he says it might be the name of the store and the same with Publix so we are looking at that but wow that's weird only from him

Hera

I'm going to look at this heavily I do understand what you're saying these people like programmed and stuff and what they're doing is so nutty and dangerous and hell we have to watch out for it so checking it out if it is we know what to do

Thor Freya

Olympus

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mzminola · 4 years ago

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Community

Straight and cisgender people being part of the broader queer community is good in a variety of ways, and the example from my own life is growing up queer in a small town with parents who were supportive before either they or I knew I was queer.

My mom and dad grew up in Berkeley CA and were involved through their youths in a variety of extremely nerdy things like the Society of Creative Anachronism, Dungeons & Dragons (and a Star Trek inspired sci-fi variation), theater, etc. Within those groups, and other parts of their lives, they had a lot of queer friends.

They moved around a lot as adults, and this was the pre-internet era so staying in touch was harder, and even when they stayed in touch they didn’t necessarily see people in person much. I wound up growing up in a small liberal town in western WA. Statistically, due to the small population, I just did not know any out queer adults in my hometown when I was growing up. There was no GSA at the school, either.

But for years I had stories of queer adults, long before I ever knew I needed them. I never once worried my parents wouldn’t accept my bisexuality, because I was so very used to my parents talking about queer friends of theirs who were giant nerds, with the exact same fondness and nostalgia as all their other friends. Stories of queer-specific shenanigans were told alongside all the other shenanigans.

We had semaphore flags in the costume playtime box because Dad’s a nautical history nerd, and we had big motorcycle goggles designed to fit over chunky glasses because Mom used to catch rides around the Bay Area with lesbian biker friends. That blend and casualness was just a normal part of my childhood.

I learned from stories of my parents’ friends that you could take stereotypes and turn them into in-jokes; gay friends playing backyard baseball or catch or other sports totally flubbing a throw, and heckling each other with “What’s the matter honey, your wrists too limp?”

I learned about the AIDS epidemic, of the loss, the grief, the stigma, and of the ways people fought back. Supported each other. I learned a lot more when I was older from queer adult survivors of the epidemic online, but I learned first from my parents, who were still grieving friends they lost.

This was not distant history, this was not something that happened to “other people” this was something that happened to their community.

My father’s mother’s brother is gay. My great uncle. He raises tropical birds. When he was a much younger man than he is now, the signaling style of wearing a diamond earring in one ear was starting. Now, at the time, most men to wear a diamond earring as a signal of their sexuality wore very small, discreet flecks. Just this little flash of light that might catch your eye, that might make you look again.

Great Uncle inherited his mother’s engagement ring, took that honking big “look at me and admire how I got engaged! Look at me, look at me!” diamond to the jeweler, and got that sucker turned into an earring. You could not fucking miss it.

And you know what? That’s how I learned about queer signaling as a thing people could do, it was presented as a fun family story, and I wouldn’t have heard it if not for my parents, because Great Uncle lives in a completely different part of the country from us and doesn’t travel much, so I’ve only met him twice, during which everyone was catching up on current life, not stories of his youth.

When my mom, dad, and their friends were all young adults who’d recently left home and were living in a different state from their families, one of their friends was a butch gay man who’d recently come out to his parents. And his mom wanted to be supportive, and she was a person who sewed clothes herself. So she made him shirts. She had his measurements, and she’d regularly mail him care packages with beautifully hand-made button up shirts in pink and purple fabrics. Because those were the gay colors at the time, and she wanted to make sure he knew she supported everything about him, that she would never want him to change himself to fit in society’s mold.

Now the thing was, pink and purple were not actually to his taste. They were not colors he’d normally pick out for himself. But he and his parents didn't live in the same state anymore, this was pre-Internet, if you wanted to share photos you had to take them, develop the film, and mail them. So she wasn’t seeing his style regularly, she was seeing the style of the out gay men back in the Bay Area, and doing her best.

He wore the shirts. He was running around the Oregon countryside as a butch gay man in the early 1980’s in pink and purple button ups, because his mom made them for him with love, he loved her too.

So I heard this story growing up, and I learned from it. I learned parents could love and wholly support their queer children long before I ever heard about parents who rejected theirs. I learned love is in the actions we take. That it’s going to be imperfect, but what matters is we’re trying our best, and accepting that from each other.

I’m bisexual, and I’ve got some weird gender stuff going on. I did not know any out queer adults in my hometown growing up. I did not find any writings until the early 2000’s when the Internet became more accessible. My school did not have a GSA.

But I knew I wasn’t alone. I knew pieces of west coast queer culture and history. I knew queer people could be giant nerds, could be outdoorsy, could be silly and serious and fully rounded people with rich, wonderful lives. That their friends and family could accept them wholly without hesitation. Because what was there to hesitate over?

I’ve said before my hometown is liberal, and it is, but it still had enough prejudice to keep me semi-closeted as a teen. I had peers insist to me that “a child needs a mother and a father”, had adults insist civil unions were fine but marriage equality would violate religious freedoms, heard peers use “gay” as an insult from late elementary school onwards (and the teachers just ignoring it).

I needed all those stories from my childhood. I needed them. And I had them. Without ever having to ask.

And my brother had them too. He’s straight and cisgender, and he has never been anything but 100% supportive of me. He was arguing for equal rights and refusing to use the derogatory language peers were before I ever came out to him.

When I see people trying to gatekeep the queer community, this is what I think of. I think of being a kid in a small town, without knowing any local out queer adults, hearing people around me say bigoted things, but having all these stories burning in the hearth of my heart, and I think…

You want to douse that flame?

You want to reach back in time and wrench those stories from the child I was?

You’d rather I grow up isolated, confused, lonely, and scared, than have my straight, cisgender parents in the queer community? You want me to be isolated now, you want my brother to abandon me?

Really?

Identity and community are intertwined, but they are not rigid, nor should they be.

Community being broader is good.

#long post #queer tag #queer community #AIDS mention #fuck gatekeeping #Min and their entire family are all giant nerds #my dad's family just does NOT do subtle #this essay has been in the works for a while now #Min writes stuff #edited to change the last sentence from #community being the broader of the two is good #to just #community being broader is good

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groggyvanfleet · 3 years ago

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summary: He’s your younger sisters youth pastor, her hot youth pastor at that. With the up coming camping trip your church puts on for the kids your little sister volunteers you to tag along with Josh for the entire weekend. How much sexual tension is too much before its acted upon?

word count: 3.6k

(warning this is 18+ MINORS DNI!! includes language, unprotected sex (wrap it or else), fingering (f), youth pastor josh deserves a warning)

Who in their right mind would ever be attracted to their eight year old sisters' youth pastor? You apparently.

Josh had volunteered himself to be your church's youth leader. He was relatively young so he was given the position quickly because they thought he could relate to the kids and explain the bible stories to where they could understand it easily. The first time you had met Josh was when you dropped off your younger sister for that night's meeting. He was dressed in a white long sleeved shirt that was accompanied by a long beaded necklace, cream colored khaki pants and a pair of simple white vans, hair full of curls with a undercut style and small braided rat tail that should’ve gave you the ick but was the complete opposite. He didn’t look like a normal youth pastor, he looked like he belonged in the nearest yoga class. Walking in he gave you a smile as he greeted your sister, turning his gaze back to her with an enthusiastic hello. Giving a small wave to your sister and him you made your way out the small building and back to your car to wait for her to be done with whatever Josh had planned for the kids that night. As the months passed by you would only see him when dropping off Nina, a few short conversations shared before you would leave.

After the 7th time you dropped Nina off you were pretty sure she caught onto your little crush on Josh as before leaving the car you would always check your hair and make up in the rear-view mirror. She would always comment on how ‘Oh you want Josh to think you look pretty’ or ‘I don’t think Josh cares about one little stand of hair out of place, prompting you to give her a slight smack on the arm with a fit of giggles coming from both of you after. Walking in with Nina who ran straight to her friends, turning around to give you thumbs up as you didn’t see Josh walking up behind you.

“Y/n! I wanted to talk to you about the upcoming camping trip.” Josh said as he came into your view.

“What camping trip?” you asked, confusion taking over your face. You didn’t hear anything about a camping trip.

“Nina said you volunteered to chaperone next weekend's annual camping trip. The big church always does this for the younger kids. Did Nina not tell you?” that little brat. Nina had signed you up to spend an entire weekend with Josh, without your knowledge.

“Oh it must have slipped my mind! Yeah I can’t wait but uh what day are we leaving again?” you asked, turning your gaze to Nina and her snickering friends as they watched you two.

“We leave Friday afternoon and return Sunday night,” he said with a smile.

“Can’t wait.”

~~~~

Friday

“C’mon Nina we're gonna be late!” you shouted up the stairs at your sister, her running down the stairs with her bag a few minutes later.

“You got everything? Clean clothes? Shower stuff?” you asked as she checked her bag giving you a thumbs up. Grabbing the bags you had packed you both hauled off to your car, putting them in the backseat as you took your respective seats in the car and made your way off to the youth building.

Pulling up to the place you saw a charter bus, a group of children ranging in age, a few adults as well as Josh who was dressed in a simple whote tank top with jeans shorts, same beaded necklace and a few bracelets as well as his signature white vans. Stepping out of the car, Nina ran off somewhere leaving you with the task of grabbing the bags which made you huff out. Trying to hold three duffle bags was harder than it was supposed to be as one would fall on the ground when you tried to grab another one therefore repeating the cycle.

“Need some help?” a familiar voice came from in front you. Peering over the side of the stacked duffle bags you Josh standing there, sun casting down on his tanned skin, creating a glow around him.

“Please.” you said desperately. Bending down to pick up the bag that had fallen you took the one from the top holding it in your free hand as you both walked off to the bus.

Opening the side of the bus Josh placed your bags in the small space that was already overflowing with luggage from the others. Closing the door with a loud bang that made you jump slightly Josh clasped his hands together as he turned around to the group.

“Alright, who's ready to go camping?” a cheer from the kids following after as the adults ushered them onto the bus.

Being on a bus full of hyper children was your new personal hell. Damn Nina and her meddling ways. After being on the bus for a total of 4 hours you had finally reached the camp grounds the church had rented out. A few cabins dotted the land, a volleyball court in one of the fields, a magnificent lake in the distance, and a huge fire pit situated right in the middle of it all. Stepping off the bus you helped the other chaperones hand out the kids bag as Josh and a few others helped them find the cabins they were assigned to. Once that had been done you found your cabin, the same cabin with your younger sister which she had requested you be in. Walking in you saw lines of bunk beds that had already been claimed, Nina saving the bottom bunk of hers for you. Pulling out the sheets, blankets, and pillows you packed you made your bed to your liking as well as helping others with theirs. Once everyone got situated one of the other women on the trip knocked on the cabin door, opening it and letting everyone know dinner was about ready. Filing out of the cabin and making your way to the small pavilion with picnic tables lined side by side, a small table filled with an assortment of food with kids standing there, plates in hand as they picked out what suited them at the moment. Grabbing your plate you sat with the other adults as some of the older ones talked about their families, a few of the younger ones talking about how their first year at college went. You didn’t even realize you had sat next to Josh as he came back from wherever he was at, giving you a smile as he sat down. Boy did he smile a lot but it was a cute smile. His teeth were perfect and the small gap in his front teeth made him even cuter. How are you supposed to survive the next two days with him?

Once dinner had ended it was too late in the night for anyone to enjoy some of the activities the camp had provided. As everyone went back to their cabins you followed your group back to yours, helping the girls get ready for bed. The girls settled into their beds, soon falling asleep from the long day they had. Making sure everyone was soundly asleep you grabbed a towel, making your way to the door and peaking your head out to make sure no one was outside. You had forgotten your bathing suit but the lake looked too tempting to not take a dip and you didn’t accidentally want someone to see you butt naked in the middle of the night. Walking out you made sure to close the door quietly not wanting to wake anyone and alert them of your activity. Quickly moving to the lake you reached its shore, setting down your towel on the sand as you began to shed your clothes from your body, neatly stacking them on each other as you held your arms over your breasts and over your nether region. Walking towards the water as it crashed softly onto the shore, gathering around your feet before receding back to do it all over again. Wading into the water the coldness of it was a welcomed feeling against the warm summer night. Swimming out to a point where you could no longer touch you dunked your head under the small waves, being consumed by the inky water reflecting the night sky. Coming back up you enjoyed the sounds. No screaming kids, just the sounds of crickets that sat in the tall grass, cicadas singing their songs from their trees, it was beautiful blissful silence. Swimming around for a few more minutes you decided it was time to get out. Once you got back to shore you grabbed your clothes, setting them somewhere that wasn't sand, you picked up your towel, shaking it off before wrapping it around your body. Walking back towards the cabins you reached the small porch of yours. Tucking your clothes under your arm, making the towel that was wrapped around your body fall and pool at your feet. Cursing out you bent down to pick it up, a small audible gasp coming from the cabin next to you. Snapping your head in the direction of the noise you saw Josh standing there, mouth hanging open, staring right at your naked figure. Seeing Josh frozen at the sight of you sent a wave of confidence through you. Standing up slowly, not bothering to wrap yourself up. You sent Josh a wink before opening the door and walking back into the dark cabin. Leaving him stunned and trying to hide the growing tent in his shorts.

How is he going to survive two days with you?

~~~~

Saturday

Josh had seen you naked. Josh had seen you naked last night is all that crossed your mind as you laid in bed staring up at the wooden ceiling. As the murmurs filled the room from the waking girls you hopped out of bed to begin the first activity filled day. Getting ready you decided to wear a tank top that you had packed along with a pair of shorts. Tying your hair up into a messy ponytail you helped the others get ready before ushering them outside. As they all ran to their activities of choice you stood at the door way, you turned your head just as Josh was leaving his. Locking eyes with him, a noticeable blush creeping onto his face as he remembered the last time he saw you. Giggling you gave him a small wave before walking off to find something to do.

As the day droned on you switched from games to arts and crafts. Sitting at the small table filled with a different assortment of threads The girls had decided they wanted to make friendship bracelets and asked you to join them. Walking around the table you observed making sure everyone was doing okay.

“Hey! What are we doing over here?” Josh said, walking over and taking a seat next to one of them.

“We’re just making some bracelets. Wanna join?” you asked. Nodding his head Josh picked out some thread and began to braid them together. Watching as his hands moved the thread, not quite as well you might add, you made your way over behind him bending down over his shoulder making sure to press your breast into the top of his back, making him shift in his seat. Peering down you saw his hands attempting to cover the crotch of his pants with the shirt he was wearing. Leaning further into him you brought your lips close to his ear.

“Need some help there Josh?” you whispered seductively, only low enough for him to hear. Clearing his throat as he shook his head, the blush from before returning to his cheeks.

“Uh n-no I’m o-okay I was just about to leave actually g-gotta set up for the game for later.” he stuttered out, a giggle coming from you as he got up from his seat, hands over his growing bulge as he shuffled away, a small smirk playing on your lips.

Josh had in fact set up for a game, a game featuring water balloons. Joining the game you decided to join the team opposite of Josh’s, the kids determining both of you team captains. Dragging one of the buckets filled to the brim over to your side of the field, you picked one up, smirking directly at Josh. Once the sound of a whistle rang out, water balloons started to fly in each direction. As the cool water started soaking your body, you forgot in your rush this morning to put on a bra as well as the fact you were already wearing a sheer white tank top as well. The coldness of the water made your nipples stand at attention, poking through the material of your shirt, obviously gaming Josh’s attention as he couldn’t take his eyes off your moving figure, causing him to be pelted by water as he stood there.

“Josh, you know you’re supposed to throw them right!” you yelled across the field, snapping him out of the trance he was in. Shaking his head Josh brought his arm up, aiming the balloon directly at you before launching it, the small balloon colliding with your chest, your bare tits now on almost full view as the wet material clung to your chest.

Once the game had ended and everyone changed into dry clothes. You joined the rest at the fire pit where someone had started a small blaze. Kids with either marshmallow or hotdogs on the ends of sticks that were roasting above the fire, you grabbed a marshmallow and a free stick. Placing the fluff on the end, you held it above the fire, turning it slowly to get the right consistency you liked. Grabbing all the stuff to make a s’more, Josh came from wherever he was, sitting across from you on one of the benches. Biting into the gooeyness, a small amount of white fluff escaping the side of your mouth, making you groan out.

“Awh man now I’m sticky.” you whined out, thumbing the escaped food back into your mouth, sucking on the digit as you held contact with Josh, his eyes never leaving yours as you pulled your thumb from your mouth. You could see his breath falter as he continued to watch your little show. Oh how easy it was to make him nervous, it only made you want to do it more.

~~~~

Sunday

After the last two days of tormenting Josh from either making sure he was to catch you leaving the showers, over sexualizing simple tasks, or making sure he caught you one last time leaving the lake in the dead of night. How the sexual tension hadn’t snapped was surprising. Josh must've been a master at keeping his cool, you on the other hand weren’t. Your body felt as if it was going to burst with sexual frustration.

Walking around the cabin, picking up your discarded clothes that you hadn’t bothered to put away, the sound of a creaky door opening gained your attention as Josh made his way inside, shutting the door behind him, locking it as well.

“Hi Josh, can I help you with something?” you asked, putting away the light pink thong into your bag, Josh’s breath halting at the sight of the skimpy fabric. In a few short strides Josh was now face to face with you, slowly backing you up to the wall as he put his hands beside your head, tapping you.

“These past two days I’ve had the most boners in my life, I feel like a teenager each time I’m around you.” he seethed out, his confession sending a small pool of arousal into your underwear. Leaning in, lips ghosting over his ear.

“Then do something about it.” you whispered, licking the skin below his ear making him shiver and release a small growl before grabbing the back of your head, smashing your lips to his. The kiss was hungry almost as if your lips were to be the last thing he’ll ever taste. Taking the next chance his mouth opened to slip your tongue in, the taste of spearmint gum on his. Mouths moving in synchronized motions you didn’t realize Josh had snaked one of his hands down to your shorts, popping open the button before dipping his hand below the waistband, fingers connecting with your aching clit as he began moving in small circles, drawing a small sigh from you.

“How are you so wet already?” Josh mumbled into your mouth, as he moved his finger from your clit to your entrance, prodding at the hole as his palm resumed his fingers actions on your sweet bundle. Rocking your hips against his hand Josh let out a small chuckle at your desperate attempt to gain some friction. “Yeah that’s right, fuck yourself on my hand mama.” Such naughty words coming from a youth pastor. Bringing your hooded eyes up to his, once a beautiful brown was now pitch black only made you even more in want of him.

“Please Josh just fuck me please need you.” you begged, grabbing his wrist in an attempt to pull his hand from you. Retracting his hand, using it to pull your shorts along with your underwear down your legs, letting the garments pool at your feet as he made quick work of his own, only popping open the buttons.

“I’m gonna show you just how badly I wanted you. It was so hard to concentrate at yesterday's game, your bare tits on full display god I could’ve taken you right there.” Josh breathed out as he pulled you away from the wall and onto your bed. Running your hand up his back, reaching the nape of his neck where the ugly but cute rat tail resided, you twisted the braid between your fingers, giving it a small tug a groan coming from the man above you. Reaching down to his slightly opened pants, tugging at the material, Josh placed his hand on yours, halting your action as his demeanor changed from blasphemous to a soft and compassionate one. “Are you sure you want this?” he asked.

“Josh if you don’t fuck me right now I’ll do it myself and make you watch.” you hissed out, resuming your want for him to rid himself of the barrier between you two. Smirking down at you, his cocky persona coming back into play. Pulling his pants down and kicking them off somewhere below the bed. Taking your hand you gave a few good slow pumps to his cock before lining it up with your entrance, Josh moving his hips as he filled you with a groan, head falling backwards as your walls constricted around him to adjust to the new feeling of his size.

“God as much as I would love to see you play with your pretty pussy this is even better. You’re so f-fucking tigh-ht mama.” Josh whined out the last part of his sentence as you gave a squeeze to his pulsing member. Rocking his hips into Josh began at a slow but deep pace, his pubic region grinding against your clit making wanton moans fill the small wooden cabin.

“Faster Josh want it faster.” you gasped out, nails digging into his bicep. Heading your request he began snapping his hips against yours at a faster pace. Grabbing your legs Josh brought them up your chest, allowing him to go deeper. The sounds of skin slapping together, moans and grunts filled the air, only adding into the sinful activities you two were doing at a church camp no less. Dropping his head down to where your core sucked him in each time, the image igniting something in him as pressed your legs further into your chest, hips now slamming forcefully making your body slide up further on the bed.

“Look at that you take me so well, your pussy was just begging for this huh? Begging to be filled up to the brim.” his vulgar words drawing you closer to your release. “Tell me.”

“So b-bad Josh I wanted this ever since I first saw you, sometimes I would think about you when I’m alone imagining your cock instead of my fingers-fuck you feel so good inside me Josh!” you screamed out, his tip hitting the sweet spot in you, the knot in your stomach tightening.

“C’mon baby I know you're so close, let me see how pretty you look when you cum wanna see it so bad.” he said, kissing along your throat, leaving small marks in his wake. Your mind felt numb at his words, mumbled words falling out of your mouth accompanied by whiny moans. Moving your legs to wrap around his waist, pulling him closer to you as your body froze, your release washing over you in waves as hands gripped the sheets next to you. Groaning as your walls constricted around you, Josh met his own climax, emptying himself completely inside of you with a loud feral groan, an unfamiliar warmth spreading all throughout your body. Thank god you were on the pill. After a few minutes of staying like that, chests heaving as you fought to catch your breath, Josh rolled off you. Scooting over you made as much room for him on the small bed. The realization hit you like a semi truck, you had just fucked your sister’s youth pastor. Turning your head to face Josh, his face flushed red with a sheen of sweat coating his body, you let out a giggle, grabbing Josh’s attention.

“What?” he said with a fucked out smile.

“That wasn't very youth pastor of you Josh.” laughing at your statement Josh pulled you on top of his body, fingers resting on your hips.

“Nothing I’m thinking about right now is very youth pastor of me.”

“Oh really?” you asked, slowly grinding yourself down onto him, making him sigh out.

“Really.”

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