#child-friendly parrot training

[tiktokparrot]

6 Tips to Raise an African Grey Parrot in a House With Children

Learn 6 expert tips to raise an African Grey Parrot in a home with children. Create a safe, fun environment for your kids and feathered friend with these helpful tips!

[beneathsilverstars]

What kind of pet (if at all) does each party member prefer? Either the idea of owning one or actually having one

Siffrin could get attached to anything. You could put an ant in a jar and he would go to the library to look up what ants eat, like yes they eat anything you leave out but what are they supposed to eat how much of what oh stars what if he forgets to feed it maybe he should just let it go but what if it's already too far from home and it would die without its ant family?? But anyway, they'd love any pet, but a snuggly mammal would be best for them. I think a couple rats would be cute... Imagine a rat peaking out of the high neck of his cloak! He could build them little obstacle courses and teach them little tricks! Or they could have a cat that sits on their chest at night and purrs, or a dog that licks their face their morning... But they wouldn't get any pet until they had a home to share with it.

Mirabelle gets a bunny!! I just think she would like them. Afaik they're a lot of work, but not like too hard as long as you're willing to do that work..? And she's a very hard worker!! She definitely wouldn't commit unless she can commit, though, and rabbits need a lot of space and a lot of rabbit-proofed space, so it depends what her life is like... but let's say she had a bunny as a kid! Her parents did most of the taking care of it though, because everyone knows that when a young child asks for a pet they don't actually understand the work involved, so you can't expect them to do it reliably. Better to just do it all themselves in the first place than risk Mirabelle forgetting something important! Someday Mira will feel confident enough in herself to get her own pet as an adult...

Isabeau is obviously a dog guy, he gives off friendly dog energy on purpose, and he would love the excuse/company to go on a morning run and throw a frisbee at the park. I think either his family always had at least two dogs at a time, or someone was allergic so no dogs allowed and it made him sooo sad. Hm.. Let's go with, yes dogs, but Isabeau wasn't allowed to get one personally because there was already enough of them in the house, but he really loved an older sibling's dog, but then they moved out and took that dog with them, and then he wasn't even allowed to get a dog then because a younger sibling got priority bc she's younger and you're so old now Isabeau, don't be jealous, your sister has been begging for a dog for months and months, well yes I believe you that you asked for one three years ago but how was I supposed to remember that? And then he was busy with defender training, and working odd shifts, and his place in the city was kind of cramped... But! Someday! He will get his dog!!

Odile is definitely a cat person. Cats are perfect for having a little company when you don't want actual company! I don't know if she loves them enough to actually get one – litter boxes are a pain – but if she was gonna get a pet it would 95% sure be a cat. (The other 5% chance is a reptile.) Maybe she assumed she would get one after she came back to Ka Bue, done with her traveling and no family left. But now she has a whole new family! Probably still wouldn't say no to a cat if one came into her life, though.

Bonnie wants a wolf, except you can't do that, so a husky would be good enough they guess. Or maybe a snake!!! Or a hissing cockroach. Or a big old fluffy cat, or like ten hamsters, or a turtle. A turtle would be awesome. But maybe not as awesome as a parrot that they can teach to say rude words. Or a monkey, sometimes people have monkeys as pets, right? Or fish, a whole bunch of them! Nille is not super thrilled at the idea of having another creature to take care of, but would probably eventually allow a dog or a turtle or maybe a couple chickens.

Loop leans a little more towards dogs I think, as opposed to Siffrin who leans a little more towards cats. Assuming a post-canon scenario where Loop is wandering on their own, I think it would be nice if they found a lonely stray dog to wander with them!

[damnedrainbows]

Alastor and Niffty headcanons Part 1

(these are based off of both my slightly canon div Niffty, and from different takes I’ve written with partners for five years)

Alastor found Niffty just a couple days after she died, saving her from a bad boy gone really bad

Niffty tried to attack him immediately after, but he was amused and endeared with her bravado

He offered protection and guidance and didn’t even get to finish talking about terms before she just grabbed his hand and went ‘okay here you go sir, you can have my soul’

Niffty’s ‘chains’ are the least imprisoning looking chains, and looks more like a bracelet connecting her to Alastor. They aren't around her neck

Unlike with Husk, Alastor has never utilized her chains to scare her or hurt her, and has only summoned them when needing to quickly yank the idiot out of some danger

Niffty’s leash is yellow - friendliness, cheerfulness, joy and energy (danger, madness, and illness)

Alastor sometimes thinks it should have been a child harness…

Niffty has lived with Alastor as his maid since arriving to Hell

Husk in their business, worked for and lived with Al a lot in the past and the two ‘coparented’ her

Husk calls her ‘ankle biter’ after she randomly bites his ankle

Alastor calls her many things, but ‘Jitterbug’ is his favorite

Niffty’s real name is Nina (Nee-na) Asuka, and Alastor sometimes calls her Nina if it’s just them

Niffty sometimes calls Alastor ‘Otousan’ and variations in private. In public they maintain professionalism because of how he wants to appear, but in private he’ll absolutely attend any of her roach tea parties

Alastor decides to learn Japanese from Husk after he got tired of her cursing at him in Japanese when she was mad at him

He’s called her ‘musume’ a few times

Niffty is one mind he cannot figure out and it fascinates him

Niffty has zero issue whatsoever with her ‘leash.’ She loves being leashed to Alastor, will do anything he asks of her, and never wants to leave him

He’s trained her in magic and combat since the day they met

Rosie calls her her niece and absolutely fucking loves her

She’s the only one that knows all of his mother’s recipes, a secret she’ll never share with anyone

Niffty’s favorite thing is just to climb on Alastor, and in private he’ll sometimes be more playful, grappling and tickling her

Even though Alastor is the one holding the leash technically, Niffty has him wrapped around her finger more

He’s had to stop her from trying to sell spicy comics of him and any male acquaintances more than once

She’s like his little murder parrot that he’s had to stop from eating used gum on the ground

[libidomechanica]

But those

Let it streaming floods of comfort?     Could stand, the list of the Eternity. How near the many     he; nay! In the rest, I go, what it seem but all her     to gain. The luminous cheerful institute of my life’s     oblivion, there while

amid the Fields are for May: and     you have flowers along. To match her fading throng why did     see a child upon the rest, reclined palm a whispers breast,     when I moved on his other five bare; here be yet tis a     train o’ the splendour on

her cell, the lucid pannels; then     ye Spirits walk’d in vain, confesse, the Drops to be foremost     files of careening I stood around thy season did not     lament of her wants of Air. As Albion was left the     end of echoes, and kiss,

and wrap me in your regular     leather in the works of friendly face brightness wave? And if     we were dead! There before these things and thousand Wits marriage,     have I doubtful Beam long they by, and a doubt the hard gain’d     your dear a part; a herd-

abandon’d deer, o’er the Foe drew     on, and feel such man’s heart, though he forming me back that dances     on a sprights be in love is true a prophecy; for     so long, thou waste her sad! With golden dream; yet, we’ll undress     the morrow, is not I

then, warm with a bastard shall be     its Honour feature? Ye shall breath, my dear, I’ll see numbers     changed here Wake, melancholy Spring a youth, alone, so     let th’ inferior stepping arms. Was it will I     see these or a seasons

drawn his aim: beside.—Middle of     earth for honour of that faire, now, if there its rosy template     and white, and pleasure some one near, had reach, what, dost some     dire a vertue, I comming, and I will not clear. Twice as     thou art just as my should

be wroth and brushed again; my soul     out of saucy boys brake on stroke and Jove hath breathe and wisely     choose to breath was fiery-short sweet bird; go tell me     good they never these, tho’ Honour, and brings To taste Bohea!     Enough now, dies. Men, Monkies,

Lap-dogs, Parrots, perish’d; other     doth not squeeze her the girl: and awful Beauties to     Belinda’s Law, or sicken to her devotion came. Of the     record of Langley-dale; his sunlight as features, or seem’d     that Benedictions guide.

Glowing the gentleness lies, and     leaving her breast recall; for his level—No! Wild night, that     for truth the trodden paths of pleased her alms from his graves are     common Weapon from broadcast of him, wept her none regards,     and over the ill omens

of th’ all-beauteous stare!     And Beautiful angel soul, in narrow views, the windshield     him there smooth floundering lies. And Lovers blow. And sea and     strikes on a wood, and the Mists in vain your liberal and seated     easier growing

wells with her trim prepare you—she’s     come if her what does it was brought shade of a saints I see     Calliope speede her person whose or a kiss that his     burning of others are due to the eyes sustain her blotted     by Angel guards my

way, that harder to drop on a     hollow shows when, like a mayden Queen, with terrific glare,     love in death was fierce that supreme degrees a purer life.     By all delights the wrath I bear my dusky melancholy     Sprights bright, and scant, I’ll

not take, break like Citron-Waters     for it was near: so as some wildness of youthful Highland     lassie, O. Her vain lost invites, burns in Pennsylvania,     nearly noon: I pored up, and one keen’—but almost things. What’s     heritage, let tears, instead

of peaceful Ease, and her, speak     as young man’s Angel guards you, that grandma’s little time to     thrust in Air, And I linger on the pale blossom at my     door is barr’d with the Mark, an’ me that musike giue. She world’s     coarse to splendorous, sinking

earthly dunghill is child so     soon elate! Forgotten you know’st the turn’d his Ends. And all     the Past gone, seize it, in Dream has long she wrung his loved in     the abandon’d deer stress a great greatest complete,—I trust     since whan the mournful rise

that’s her sweet with busy brain: woman     take your leisure! Farewell that bloody stroke on us     at my foes choke the tears, led by their sweet wide, the crevice     peer’d and stirred. By this refused along the goat-legged buyers     that was that well; let Prude,

or caus’d his Arts, and wanton air     dangled without dislike our joy: tis many I knew her     child short fevered grew hush; the bright is only to death; but     not upon a light unused stay from flowers that song from     mortal breath who hast thee.

[wildnya]

oh and don’t forget the other problems dog owners encounter

then there’s the people who go out of their way to make sure their dog gets close to your own or let them off the leash when they’re not trained to come back when called.

i don’t have a dog currently but grew up with them. when i see or hear about someone doing this it makes me mad. there’s a sound on the clock app of a man shouting his dog isn’t friendly while someone tries to bring their own pup close.

i’ve watched a video of a dog attacking a horse. and to make matters worse it was hooked up to a carriage that currently had people in it. if i remember correctly one of them was a young child. the dog would not leave the horse alone and ended up giving the poor thing multiple puncture wounds. the horse lived and none of the people in the carriage were harmed. and guess what happened to the dog? it had to be put down because of all the injuries it sustained.

another video i’ve seen of an untrained off leash dog involves a woman and her parrot. she had taken it out to fly outside when the dog suddenly appeared and began chasing after it. the lady kept screaming at the owner to come get it because it would have killed her pet. the poor bird was forced to keep flying and couldn’t find comfort in landing on its mom since the dog was big enough to knock her off balance.

also the people who pretend their dogs are service animals need to have harsher consequences for their actions. laws need to be made to keep people from abusing the service animal system. i’ve seen so many incidents of fakes attacking actual ones. not once have i seen or heard of a faker get in any trouble outside of getting kicked off the property. it’s horrible and unfair to the people who actually do need their animals. sometimes the victims have to retire early and now their owners have to spend a shit ton of money again to get the assistance they need. (at least this is often the case in the USA i can’t speak for other countries)

and don’t forget the people who bring their aggressive dogs to dog parks. i recently saw some bitch of a karen her dog into the area meant for small dogs. it was twice the size of most of the other dogs and attacking them. the other owners had to grab her dog themselves to protect their own. and this woman had the audacity to yell at them.

my own childhood dog, koda, had a run in with two or three(this happened nearly a decade ago so it’s kinda fuzzy) dogs that ganged up on him when he was still a pup. they were biting and scaring him. the couple with the dogs didn’t seem to really care, they halfheartedly recalled them and were in no rush to come and pull them off koda. it wasn’t until i gently started kicking them did they get serious. only then did they give a shit.

pardon my language but i downright hate it when someone just comes up to my dog and pets them like why 🤠 where do you take the right to just go up to someone‘s dog and pet them but then if something were to happen it‘ll be my fault

[ticklystuff]

Lee!Childe + Ler!Aether + neck, if you don't mind! ^^

request a ficlet!

thanks for the request! kalsdfj neck tickles are so hard for me to write but i'll do anything for lee!childe

---

"Sorry about your ankle, comrade."

"No need to apologize. In fact, you should be grateful. Means I can't whoop your butt next week."

Childe snickered to himself as the two continued with their friendly banter, trudging up the path from the Golden House with Aether piggybacking, his arms draped over Childe's shoulders. The two had just finished with their weekly sparring session, which had to be cut short due to Aether tripping and injuring his ankle. Aether had said himself that he was more than fine, but it was obvious to Childe that the traveler was having issues with walking, prompting Childe to surprise the blond with a scoop into his arms. After much protesting, Childe allowed Aether to have a moment at walking by himself, watching him stagger around, before both came to the conclusion that Aether did need assistance.

"But I technically did beat you this time."

"Duh, because I rolled my ankle." Although Aether was at his back, he could definitely imagine the eye roll right now.

"Well, sounds like lack of training on your part to me," Childe retorted, yelping when he felt Aether playfully pull at one of his ears in response.

"Can't you walk any faster?" Aether whined, drooping his head onto one shoulder as he continued to yank at Childe's ear.

"Ow-! Will you stop that?!" Childe swatted at the offending hand, only for Aether to slap back. "You're so annoying."

"You're annoying," Aether parroted back with a flick to the back of Childe's skull.

"You're just upset you lost and need to be a sore loser about it," Childe said, managing to snag one of Aether's arms by reaching behind. He was forced to release, though, when Aether's free hand became present at his other ear, making itself known when it pulled at his earlobe. "Hey-! Quit it!"

"I didn't know you have a mole here," Aether teased as he continued to gently pinch at Childe's ear, eliciting all sorts of irritated noises from the ginger. "Oh! I think I've found another!"

This time, Childe felt a poke at the back of his neck, right where his spine ran perpendicular to his shoulders. The amount of pressure applied directly to the targeted area was enough for an uncharacteristic squeak to slip out of his mouth. Had he not been using both arms to support Aether on his back, Childe would have slapped a hand over his mouth in an attempt to suppress the sound, but nothing could be done at this point other than hope that Aether had somehow managed to miss the squeak over the two's bickering.

"Oh?"

Before Childe could explain himself, another poke was applied to the same spot with just the right amount of pressure, resulting in another squeak, though this time, Childe was prepared, managing to suppress the embarrassing noise somewhat. What he wasn't anticipating, however, was for Aether's fingers to skitter along the lining of his collarbone as a follow-up, catching him completely off-guard. Childe's neck crinkled in response as giggles involuntarily poured out in response, surprising both him and Aether.

"I think the eleventh Fatui Harbinger might be ticklish," Aether mused in a sing-song voice, lightly puffing bouts of air at his ears just to watch them twitch.

"K-Knock it off!" Childe's legs shook to support him as he fought the urge to laugh while also simultaneously slapping at Aether to get him to stop. Yes, Childe was ticklish and it's not like he had an issue with admitting it if he were to participate in a tickle fight with someone. At this point, he'd gladly throw the traveler to the ground and tickle the living daylights out of Aether for messing with him, but Aether's leg was injured and Childe's sense of warrior pride would not let him engage with a disadvantaged opponent, even for something as silly as a tickle fight.

"Sto- hAAAH!" Childe nearly jumped out of his skin as those pesky fingers traveled down his neck once more, even making their way past his shirt just slightly. His laughter turned to hiccups as he squirmed where he stood, feeling tingly shocks travel from the top of his spine to his brain as Aether continued to torment him. At this point, all sense of pride had been thrown out the window and Childe found himself reaching for one of Aether's calves, giving the back of his leg a quick squeeze.

"H-Hey!" Aether cried out, squirming at Childe's back when Childe gave his leg another squeeze. "Y-You can't tickle me! I'm hurt so it's not fa- N-Nohohoho!"

Childe smirked as Aether's leg tried to kick free from the ticklish assault at his knees, feeling Aether bury his face at the back of his neck in response. "You're getting exactly what you deserve."

"Okay, okay! I'll stohohop!" Childe chuckled as he felt Aether's leg bounce in his grasp, giving the traveler a few more tickles to his vulnerable knee as a parting gift.

"I think we should have a tickle fight for our next duel," Childe said as he began walking again, the harbor slowly becoming visible in the distance. "You gave up so easily, so I'd surely win."

"Absolutely not."

"Ooohh, you seem scared, comrade."

Aether scoffed in response. "You can't even win at a normal fight. What makes you think you can win at a tickle fight?"

"Easy," Childe started. "I injure your ankle again and then proceed to win by tickles."

This obviously was not what Aether wanted to hear because Childe let out an "ack!" at the feeling of his ear being pulled again. Maybe Aether was the stronger of the two, as evidenced by their weekly fights, but Childe was confident he'd be able to win fair and square next time if tickling was involved and he couldn't wait to put that to the test.

[thebadchoicemachine]

Hey, came up with some concepts for the sorta "heads of state" for all the different [non-nether] places in Quarry.

Tundra- main exports are ice and fish, leader ideas: polar bear, arctic fox, arctic hare,

Polar bear: very friendly, gives Bear hugs, older and wiser but with a youthful air to them

Arctic Fox: professional, young adult, new but mature, more elegant air to them, has a temper they're still learning to control/not rise to bait,

Arctic Hare: more rough and scrappy, impatient, not much here

Woodland- main exports are wood and honey, leader ideas: bee, cat, wolf

Bee: Queen bee, a bit bossy but knows when to back off, past mid-life crisis but not elderly, 40-50 ish, somewhere between a grandma and a CEO.

Cat: cozy but rough, a little over cautious, Motherly, maybe an actual mom?, has either 1 "mini me" child that mimics her all the time, or has like 35 kids and knows them all by heart,

Wolf: friendly for the most part, does not take insults well, but is very caring, always thinking about how different things will effect their country (AKA their pack), a bit "brooding" around New people, but very friendly once you know them

Mountains- main exports are rock and ore, leader ideas: ram/goat, mountain lion, mole

Goat: you know that one goat species that can walk on surfaces on 92 degree angles, that's them, is in their 90s with the agility of a god, lots of knitted stuff, grandmotherly but in a tough cookie kind of way,

Mountain Lion: quieter and reserved, you will forget they exist until they speak, when they do talk its with wisdom, slight mystic vibes, a bit of a recluse, either in their 20s or their 50s and no one knows which,

Mole: I know they technically don't fall under the expanded mob list, but hear me out, I imagine the mountains economy is majorly supported by their ore industry which requires mining, Moles are known for their extensive tunneling, I'm imagining a hearty old guy, used to mine in their younger years and absolutely does it when they can find time, is blind but no one actually realizes this until several years into them being leader because they have perfected walking around in mines with uneven ground and compare that to walking blind in a castle is a breeze, idea: Mole is married to Ram/Goat and they are a power couple, I'm loving this, maybe Mountain Lion is adopted child?

Jungle- main exports are wood and coco beans, leader ideas: parrot, panda bear,

Parrot: young and full of energy, is an inventor/engineer in spare time, a little all over the place, wears the Quarry version of old aviator goggles,

Panda bear: not a lot of ideas, Other than super polite and a little dorky, maybe a dad?

Mesa- main exports are clay and cactuses, leader ideas: vulture, goat, rattle snake

Vulture: think the current Queen if they lived in Colorado, beloved by the residents, a lot of people joke that they are basically a walking corpse, no one tells them that to their face, very good at their job,

Ram: rough as the terrain, headstrong with a good heart, doing their best, was probably on a ranch or farm before becoming the leader, just wants to shear some animal sheep, knows how to hold her ground but not always when to let some ground go,

Rattle Snake: very heavy focus on justice, think a hardened sheriff from the wild west became a knight and then was promoted to head of the country, takes no shit, rules are rules type person, I think the Mesa in general is a lot like the wild west but with swords and bows and arrows instead of guns, I like the idea of them being a copper head specially, those are poisonous, oh wait they are a reptile.... they don't have to be cold blooded, or maybe they have End ancestors and it showed up as scales

Plains- main exports are flowers and farm products, leader ideas: sheep, cow, bee

Sheep: young and kind, flowers woven into their hair, knows how to argue their point calmly but firmly, kinda came into the role with little training so they're still getting their feet under themselves, the first to offer aid, brings cookies to all the meetings, very good cook

Cow: hard work is the dream work, definitely works out, raised on a farm and it shows, very blunt to the point of possible rudeness, has a more relaxed vibe but knows how to buckle down and work hard,

Rabbit: relaxed vibes, if they need to they are not above karate kicking someone, they seem nice but is honestly waiting for the chance to go apeshit, I feel like they wear a hanker cheif around their neck, has like 20 siblings, they are either the middle child exactly or the eldest.

What do you think? I don't have any names yet, just concepts.

OO I love all of these! Tomorrow we should talk about how the government of each works. We’ve established The Nether Kingdoms, Mycelium Isles, and End (and have kind of settled on the tundra being a monorchy as well) but the way they all function is different and so fun! 

Name ideas (first or last):

Tundra - Albedo, Boreas, Buster, Canis, Delft, Eci, Fleck, Glide, Gale, Lepus (good for hare), Looc, Bliz, Skate, Squall, Tuft, Zephyr

Woodland - Aspin, Ash, Aril, Axe, Balsa, Brook, Dia, Ekoms, Gala, Golden, Jepmit, Kauri, Nectar, Redde, Rup, Sap

Mountains - Cascade, Cliff, Crys, Cuiw, Emin, Halides, Horizon, Ingot, Ken (maybe for the lion?), Linn, Pix, Palisade, Ridge, Slate, Tiwwns, Uozijoh 

Jungle - Aloe, Bean, Bromeliad, Cacao, Cain, Dart, Erythro, Flit, Howl, Kalei, Kunjt, Leuko, Melano, Mosy (I’m partial to this one), Passiflora, Sajow, 

Mesa - Arid, Barrel, Bolt, Chollas, Clay, Crocker, Dustin, Eolian, Inlet, Kcits, Kiln, Par, Pane, Switch, Sirocco, Spike

Plains - Crest, Ivory, Moc, Neb, Oscine, Oxeye, Poppy, Rye, Scutch, Senooy Silk, Steppe. Spur, Sky, Kera, Zoysia

[prurientpuddlejumper]

Hopelessness of Wanting [Part 2]

<- Part 1 | Part 3 ->

Frederick Chilton x Reader

Continuation of an angsty dark fic request. 

Warnings: suicidal thoughts/attempt (I made myself real sad with this one so be warned if you’re vulnerable to negative thinking), NSFW, smut (gender-neutral), unhealthy relationship, depression, neurodivergent reader. Melancholy rambling. 

3,200 words

“Don’t worry about what Dr. Chilton thinks,” Nurse Clerval advised as soon as he was out of earshot. “He’s an asshole.”

“Yeah, but”—you tugged the hem of your scrubs—“He’s right. I keep messing up. I think he hates me.” You stopped there, too ashamed to admit you were the biggest fuck-up on the entire staff, new or not, or that you could tell Dr. Chilton regretted his decision to hire you.

“And the rest of us hate him. Just keep doing your job, learn the ropes—he’ll back off.”

You nodded silently and continued your rounds, delivering meds and checking in on patients. Amy had to be restrained again when she wouldn’t stop biting. Julianne seemed more confused lately, though you hadn’t known any of them long enough to tell what was normal.

Clerval’s words hung over you. It didn’t seem right that everyone hated Dr. Chilton. He was a little brusque, yes, but intelligent. Wickedly sarcastic. Posturing and puffing himself up whenever people he admired came to visit the hospital, and he wanted badly to impress them. Lonely.

Your cheeks heated at the thought of those intense bursts of green under his brow—the first thing you noticed when he conducted your interview. His eyes almost matched the light green scrubs you wore at the hospital you trained in, though the uniform here was white (as if leaning into the One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest vibe.)

But what drew you in wasn’t that his eyes were beautiful—though they were—it was the way they made contact with yours. Staring you down with fake confidence, as if he were forcing it. That stare must have been off-putting to most people, but it made your spirit leap with that particular spark of connection one only feels when finding a kindred spirit.

“Hey! Still sulking? Hurry it up,” Clerval called, jolting you to attention. You trotted after.

It was nice having a mentor on the staff, but at the same time, it just felt like having another person to eventually disappoint.

“Here! What’s next?” you beamed.

***

Dr. Chilton didn’t back off over the next few weeks as Nurse Clerval suggested. The more you thought you were getting the hang of routines at the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane, the more mistakes you seemed to make, and the harder its administrator came down on you. And the more the handsome, scarred Dr. Chilton hated you, the more nervous mistakes you made.

In nursing school, you aced everything technical. Every written test. Every memorized statistic, sterilization procedure, medication instruction, and anatomy diagram. But when it came to interacting with patients and families—being compassionate yet professional—nothing came naturally. As a child, you learned how to fake eye contact by staring at the bridge of someone’s nose. How to smile bright and encourage others so they don’t reject you. So they don’t see you as cold or weird. But sometimes, you felt like an alien just parroting human behavior.

The guy you had been dating when you started working at the BSHCI said something similar to you when he broke it off. That you were “unavailable” and never understood what he needed.

There was a reason your first choice job was at a hospital where the only patients were mentally ill murderers.

Dr. Frederick Chilton was the same way. Just better at hiding it, or braver about not caring when his mannerisms rubbed people the wrong way. He didn’t fall apart like you did. He was… incredible. As soon as you met him, you knew you wanted the job. His smile was forced but friendly that first day, and you went home dreaming about getting to know him better.

But as soon as you were hired, the friendliness went out of his eyes. On your very first day, you passed him in the hall and smiled. He frowned and informed you that you were five minutes late clocking in. Everything—every forgotten ID card and typo on a patient file—was proof to Dr. Chilton that you were incompetent.

Worthless.

He even pointed it out when you couldn’t stand up for yourself and let Nurse Clerval defend you.

Pathetic.

Why did you ever think someone like him might like you?

He wasn’t an asshole. The constant reprimanding and disciplinary write-ups were no more than you deserved. It just hurt coming from someone you admired and wished things could be different with.

God, you wished just once he would smile at you again. Tell you that you did a good job.

Your fist hovered over the dark mahogany of the carved doors to Dr. Chilton’s office, poised to knock. To tender your resignation. You hadn’t seen the extravagant interior of his office since your interview, but you could imagine him in there: laying back on the leather couch sipping a Scotch, surrounded by tall shelves of medical books and sculpted wall molding. The air filled with the library smell of old paper.

In your imagination, his cold green eyes would soften, and he would ask why you were leaving. Apologize for being so hard on you. The Chilton in your mind clasped your hand, and you both blushed, wondering if the gesture was merely a show of professional support, or if it held a deeper meaning. He clasped tighter instead of dropping your hand, knowing— understanding—the heat behind your gaze.

A dull thud came from inside the office, followed by footsteps and a muttering voice, muffled through the door. The footsteps started heading your way, and you walked briskly down the hall toward the exit, not looking back when a moment later, the mahogany doors creaked open.

Coward.

There was no point quitting, anyway. You would never find another hospital job as slow-paced, where you rarely had to speak with outsiders—only the regular long-term patient-inmates, and a small staff of orderlies, guards, nurses, and psychiatrists.

Sometimes you thought you should quit nursing altogether, but then what would you do? Flip burgers? You’d be bad at that, too. There was nothing you wouldn’t be a failure at.

A fog hovered over you, creeping its tendrils into every thought, turning every tiny setback into the end of the world, and making every success unimportant. Leaving BSHCI wouldn’t make it better. Nothing would make it better. You were the fuck-up. Anywhere you went, the problem would always be you.

Every smile you gave was forced, but you kept smiling as if everything was normal. So long as nobody could see you drowning, it wasn’t real. There was still hope that you could get your shit together, and no one would be the wiser that you were actually a disgusting piece of human trash. So long as you could smile like you were fine, you weren’t a complete failure.

But the more you pretended to be upbeat—pretended to be someone likable—the more you were certain your coworkers didn’t like you. They must have been sick of covering for you by now.

A week later, the nurse you were replacing grunted, “Finally,” as you sprinted through the door three minutes after your shift started. That one unremarkable interaction was the final proof of a theory you had been nursing for a long time:

Everyone’s lives would be easier without you.

That was the final conclusion, the final, creeping thought the suffocating fog wormed into your head. The crescendo of a distorted symphony that had been subtly building to this from the beginning.

You couldn’t force yourself to smile anymore.

***

You didn’t have authorized access to the medication supply room, but you swiped a key from Dr. Tenley’s office. For a secure facility, the doctors of the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane were lax about locking their own offices. She would notice it was missing by Monday morning, and there would be serious repercussions for stealing it, but you weren’t concerned. You wouldn’t be around to face them.

With the high-potency drugs available in a hospital and a working knowledge of pharmacology, ending a life could be quick and relatively painless.

The key clicked in the door. You glanced up and down the hallway to make sure no one was coming. But the coast was clear.

A halfhearted breath puffed from your nose. Part of you wanted to find it funny how easy this was, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to laugh.

You stealthily opened the windowless metal door, stepped inside, and shut and locked it behind you without making a sound. Once inside the small room, you let out a silent sigh of relief (or despair). Only a handful of people had a key, so you were unlikely to be interrupted, especially at night with only a skeleton staff on duty.

There were three rows of tall storage shelves crammed into the walk-in closet with clean tile in the few places wall was exposed. The whir of a climate-control system drowned out the pulse in your ears as you scanned for the drugs you were looking for.

You found them faster than expected. They could have at least been hidden. The universe could have put a few more obstacles in your path, but instead, the universe was giving you a big fat sign it wanted you dead.

You picked up the packaging. Turned it over in your hand.

Just a handful of these, and all the problems you cause would be over. No more reprimands. No more disappointing everyone you meet. No more wrenching in your gut every time Dr. Chilton looks at you with contempt when you long to see a smile. No more trying so hard every minute of every day.

It wasn’t like too many people would be sad you were gone anyway. Most of them will be relieved.

Your eyes stung.

Wasn’t someone going to walk in and stop you?

Your lip trembled. Why would anyone want to stop you?

Tears rolled down your face as the reality of your plan set in. Survival instinct kicked and clawed at the cloying fog of twisted logic that promised you would be helping everyone if you stopped existing, but it was losing the battle.

And then you heard someone call your name.

You sniffed and looked up. No… not someone calling your name. Moaning it. You crept to the last row of shelves at the back and gasped—Dr. Chilton had his laptop tucked onto a shelf and was watching a clip of security feed on loop. His red, glistening erection thick in his hand as he masturbated, whimpering your name over and over.

You watched silently—he was so engrossed he didn’t notice your shadow falling over the aisle. It was only when the package of drugs slipped from your hand and clattered on the floor that he jumped with a shriek, covering himself, though his massive erection was still conspicuous in his pants. His eyes bugged out at you, face red with embarrassment—but then they quickly narrowed to anger.

“What are you doing in here? You are not authorized to be in this room,” he barked.

All you could think about was what you heard—the name gasping from his lips. It overpowered every other thought. “Were you… imagining me?”

His nostrils flared. He hastily shut the laptop which was looping security footage of you outside his office door.

Then he laughed—forced and cruel. “What I imagine is not your concern. Do not read into it. I have never shown you special treatment, have I? Do you think that I could have feelings for an incompetent nurse?”

“I know that!” Your lip trembled again now that the briefest spark of hope you had was shattered. Of course he didn’t like you. He was just a pervert who jacked off to all the nurses. “Don’t you think I know that I’m worthless? You’ve made it abundantly clear.”

Fresh tears rolled down your cheeks, and Chilton’s eyes softened, as if for the first time realizing that all his attempts to hurt you had succeeded. You were hurt. And he did not enjoy it as much as he thought.

“You are not worthless,” he said quietly. Then his eyes flicked down to the floor, at the medication you dropped. He picked it up, read what it was. His expression fell. “What were you doing in here, nurse?” he swallowed.

“Nothing. I just… needed something for a patient.”

“Lie,” he said.

You looked away. Everything was numb. It barely even occurred to you that someone stopped you after all. A handsome, awkward, cruel doctor you admired was in the same room with you and had said his first kind words since the day you met.

He took a slow step toward you. Then another. His hand—slender and surprisingly large—pressed your arm in an attempt at a comforting gesture. An alien parroting human behavior.

“You are not worthless. I assure you, none of your mistakes have been grievous. You are certainly not the least competent of my staff. Far from it. So don’t…” He swallowed. “…Do not do anything rash.”

“Sure,” you scoffed. “Then why am I the one you’re always reprimanding? The one always being called to your office?” You knew what he thought of you; he was just trying to talk you down.

“That…” he began in a broken voice, “That must be painfully obvious now.”

Your eyes peeled away from the floor and found his face, and the storm of emotions flashing over it. Shame. Trepidation. A faint light of hope.

“You like me?” Your voice sounded far away. The analytical part of your brain was whirring away above the swamp of depression bogging you down with lies that nobody could like you. But it made sense. As the words spilled from your mouth, it was like a veil lifted.

Pulling pigtails. He was pulling your pigtails because he liked you. A middle-aged psychiatrist ought to have more emotional maturity handling a crush than a third-grader, but there was a reason he worked at a hospital where the only patients were mentally ill murderers. There was a reason his staff hated him. Why he was lonely, and why you desperately wanted to be the one to fill the empty space by his side.

Frederick Chilton was a lot like you.

You could understand each other and be less alone in this world, together.

***

His eyes were closed and he was muttering something self-flagellating and vaguely apologetic when the kinetic sense of you moving closer caused Frederick Chilton to look up.

No longer out at arm’s distance, you were within each other’s breathing space. And now, he was genuinely terrified—terrified you were going to return his feelings. Of the joy it might bring crashing down on him like an airplane. He read something he never expected to see in your body language, and it shook him deeper than being walked in on with his cock in his hands.

You should have reported him for ethics violations.

If you made the case to the hospital board that he created a hostile work environment because he wanted you sexually, he would lose his job and do everybody a favor.

But this—the intention in your body—this was the farthest thing from what he deserved. You confirmed his fear when your soft, perfect lips melded against his. Yet, as always when he knew a thing was wrong, he did not push you away. Did nothing to stop you. He let you deepen the kiss slowly, and you were warm, the taste of you sweeter than he imagined in all his lonely nights of fantasizing.

His cock twitched, your closeness awakening his urges again. He moaned as your lips parted, his lips parting with them, and your tongue gently probed inside. You were tentative at first, investigating only the nearest reaches of his inner lips, and then his hand spasmed on your arm, and with a low growl, he pulled your closer—then you became ravenous. All the turbulent emotions churning within you broke free in that kiss. You sobbed into his mouth, your tongue, hot and fervent, explored and assaulted the depths of him, your hands weaving into the hair behind his neck, and he could taste your salt. It was all his tongue could do to keep up—to let himself be consumed.

Dear god, if only that passion would have ended him then and there. The moment your lips met his in an unexpected act of reciprocation was the fulfillment of every want, every tattered and twisted hope—the highest delight a man such as him could achieve. And he knew—rightly so—that all that could follow was suffering of his own design.

Dear god, let me die before I see this in ruins. Let me die with my happiness.

***

The sex wasn’t all that good. But then again, you had gone into that supply closet intending to never come out, so overall, being fucked by the man you had been pining for was a positive turn of events.

It wasn’t how you’d imagined your first time with Dr. Chilton, pressed against a cold tile wall. A hungry kiss led to his clothed erection pushing against your thigh, led to you unbuckling his belt.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he whispered hoarsely, nervous eyes darkened with lust—and you nodded, sliding down your scrub pants, which stuck on your sneakers, hobbling your ankles. He was in too much of a rush to let you take them off—he only opened up his slacks and pulled his cock out of the fly of his briefs. And then he was thrusting into you from behind—frantic, desperate. Your ankles being bound only added to the thrill of him being in control. Dr. Chilton wanted you after all—fantasized about you—and now he was taking you, and all you had to do was surrender to his desire.

His breathy moans rose with each snap of his hips, his hands traveling up your chest under your shirt, fingers curling around your neck, possessing you. Touching every inch of skin he could get his hands on. And that noise that saved your life, your name on his lips, he chanted in your ear.

He was fast—hips racing as if this were his only chance, and if he waited, you would disappear—and he finished fast. You didn’t spend long with your face pressed to the cold tile when his moans broke into a shattered scream, and his head slumped, sweaty, against your back.

Then he turned you around to face him and got on his knees. Heedless of his own mess that he’d left sticky and bitter inside you, he pumped his fingers into you and sucked like he was fulfilling a duty. Clinical about the task, and efficient. It didn’t take him long to bring your arousal to a climax in his mouth.

After, he was quiet. When you had cleaned up, he looked at you like you were a mistake… only you weren’t certain what kind of mistake. If you reached out to reassure him, would he jerk away and tell you to never speak of this again?

“Was it… all you expected?” you asked robotically. Your arm crossed your body, hugging yourself.

And then he kissed you again, softly. He ran his fingers over your hair and pulled back just far enough to study your face. His eyes were wet, clouded with a million thoughts and regrets you would only learn about later.

“You are perfect,” he whispered.

• ● • ━━━━━─ ••●•• ─━━━━━ • ● •

Since I went some places this chapter... Please don’t bottle up your feelings if they’re telling you horrible things about yourself. They aren’t true, I promise. You matter. ❤️

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Online chat: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/

Help via Text: https://www.crisistextline.org/ (Text HOME to 741741)

List of additional resources: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/suicide-resource-guide 

Tags:

@beccabarba​ / @itsjustmyfantasyroom / @thatesqcrush / @dianilaws / @permanentlydizzy / @mrsrafaelbarba / @madamsnape921 / @astrangegirlsmind / @neely1177 / @onerestein / @dreamlover31 / @stormtrooperofficerbrowneyes / @barbasimp / @storiesofsvu / @welcometothemxdhouse / @feedthemadness-sweetie / @law-nerd105 / @amelia-song-pond / @michael-rooker / @xecq 

[shigarakis-fifth-hand]

Bakugo x Reader; Catch Ya Later

Bakugo is suspicious of Reader, who seems to be perfect in every way. He is obsessed with finding her dirty secret, or could he be obsessed for another reason?

Enjoy the series! <3 one two three

Bakugo was sitting at his desk, waiting for the teacher to arrive when you walk in. He only looks at you for a second or two before you are crowded around by students. “Huh, what’s the big deal?” Bakugo asks himself, not meaning for Mineta to turn around and pull out magazines with your photos on it.

“She’s a model, see?! She models for Peace & Positivity! It’s a hero agency that trains people to disarm villains in the least violent way possible! She had a nature quirk, see? Look at that pic of her in a bikini! See how to fish are drawn to her? Oh, and here she’s wearing a crop top and the parrots land on her head!”

Bakugo takes the magazine, looking at it. Sure, he can’t help but look at you from time to time, but mostly he reads the Meet the Model. You say that you’re the shy type, have a thing for bad boys, and you want to become a hero. You have long h/c hair and beautiful, bright e/c eyes with long eye lashes. You always wear a vine on your wrist that’s connected to your body for your hero use.

You’re short, almost an entire foot below Katsuki. Bakugo puts the magazine in his backpack, knowing that he will learn your deal before tomorrow. You cannot be the perfect, innocent girl you appear to be. Katsuki wants to find your secrets.

Over the next day, Bakugo watches you from a far. You are beyond the most popular girl in the school, becoming quick friends with everyone in the class and even the older years, especially the Big Three who you already have plans with. Bakugo notices how Nejire looks up and down at you and your body. It makes him angry for some reason.

When Bakugo is done with his research, he can’t find a single bad thing about you. You’re beautiful, sweet, kind, friendly, funny, and very single. Were you secretly a villain? Bakugo had to put you to the test.

Bakugo walks up to you during the morning, pounding his fists on your desk when Mina and few of your other friends surround you. “Um, hi?” You ask, not really knowing who he is. He looks like the annoying Pomeranian named Lady that your aunt has, and his glowing red eyes give you a devil feel.

“Listen Miss Little Perfect, what the hell are you doing in the hero course?! You’re a peaceful little girl with a nature quirk, and honestly, I don’t see how a nature quirk can help you be a hero.” Everyone looks at Bakugo with bug-eyes. How could he say that about you?!

“Dude, she was recommended into UA. I don’t think you understand what that-” Bakugo smacks Denki in the head multiple times. “Hey! Stop it!” You defend him, the vine shooting from your wrist and wrapping around Bakugo’s arm to push him away.

“Don’t hurt Kaminari like that!” You yell as Bakugo walks up to you, small explosions coming from his palms. “Oh now you want to tell me what to do?! Oh you, better wait because I-” The explosions stop as Aizawa walks into the room, shutting you up.

“We’re doing training. Everyone will have a partner. We’re doing heroes vs villains. Now everyone draw a number and go change into your hero costumes.” Everyone went to get a number, and then went to change. You went with Ochako, Momo, Asui, and Mina.

“What was that all about?”, “I think he likes you!”, “He was so rude.”, and “You put him in his place for sure!” filled your ears as you got changed. Heading out, you looked at your slip of paper. You got a blue slip, and was 1#. “Huh, what does that mean?” You asked yourself as All Might stepped out to talk.

“Now, if you are blue, you are trying to get the bomb. If you got a red slip, you are playing to protect it at all costs. Now, can we have 1 come up here. We will use them as our first examples. And don’t worry, all of this is completely safe. We will step in if you get close to being hurt.” He smiled brightly as you stood up.

“Now, Deku and Todoroki will be the heroes! You two will be protecting the bomb!” He explained to the class what the heroes were doing, which was pretty simple.

“Wonderful! Young Y/n is our first villain, along with Bakugo!” WHAT. You turned to see the angry Bakugo walking towards you, looking furious. “Now here’s what you will be doing!” As he went on the explain, you didn’t really listen. All you knew was that you and Bakugo would be working together to get your hands on a large item in the building, while Deku and Todoroki would trying to stop you with a time limit of ten minutes.

The entire time he talked, Bakugo’s angry red eyes stared into your soul, piercing into your brain and thoughts. Scary stuff right there.

“Wonderful! Now get in place!” All Might let you go, setting up the cameras for the class to watch as you and Bakugo walked to the edge of building. “Okay, so I’m thinking that you can blow up the ground and make it hard to walk around, and then we can use my vines to get by.” Bakugo scoffed at your plan, waving you away. “Just stay out of my way, I don’t need you.” You looked at Bakugo intensely.

“Bakugo! I’m not failing this because you don’t like me! Now stop being a child!” You scolded him as he turned to you, a smirk on his face. “I’ll stop being a child when you stop thinking you’re the best thing in the world even though you’re just a weak slut who models for all the perverts in the world to stare at while you think you can become a hero because you’re pretty. Just watch, I’m a lot more powerful than you. Everyone in this class is.” 

As the countdown started, Bakugo turned away from you, not seeing your eyes fill with tears. When the countdown was over, Bakugo sprinted into the hallway, exploding every wall in his path. “God, doesn’t he know we need to be quiet?” You asked yourself, before using the vine on your wrist to life you to the ceiling to transport you. 

The ceilings were high and people didn’t look up often, so you could spring down on unsuspecting competitors. Up and down the hallway, you listened to the sounds that surrounded you before you heard Bakugo screaming. Without hesitating, you dropped to the ground and began running as fast as you could, only stopping when you saw Bakugo fighting Deku, Deku getting ready to hit Bakugo with his full strength.

“Bakugo! Watch out!” You slammed your body into Bakugo, pushing him away. In seconds, you were able to use the vine on your wrist to grow and wrap around Deku’s leg before the vine sprouted a single flower. “What the-” Bakugo began to speak before you handed him a piece of cloth that was detachable from your hero suit.

“Hold this to your mouth! If you breathe it in, you fall asleep!” You yelled, shoving another cloth over your own mouth, letting the flower release a pink midnight. “Y-you’re like Midnight.” Bakugo couldn’t help but smile as Deku slowly drifted off to sleep. “Eh, I have higher standards. Now let’s go!” You joked, before running to the nearest wall. 

“Katsuki, give me your hand!” You yelled, gripping his hand without an answer and using the vine to propel you two through the hole in the ceiling. Once you got up there, you had a full view of the object. “Get it!” Bakugo yelled, helping to push you forward towards the bomb.

Then, out of nowhere, Todoroki jumped out, using his fire to blast you into the window. The next few seconds was a full blur. Glass shattered, your skin was on fire, and you were screaming. Bakugo and Todoroki ran to your side, seeing that your skin was bleeding and burnt. “Y/n, I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize you were so close, I thought you were down the hallway!” Todoroki yelled as you pushed Bakugo away. 

“Get… the… thing Bakugo! You wanted to win!” You screamed in pain, tears streaming down your face as the alarms went off in the building. “What? No, Y/n. This is over.” He was right. As you grinded your teeth in pain, Bakugo was able to carry you bridal style to where to teachers were waiting. 

“Oh my god, Y/n!” Aizawa and All Might ran towards you, Aizawa prying you from Bakugo’s arms. “No! You said she would be okay! You said you’d watch to make sure nobody got hurt! You lied!” Bakugo yelled angrily, sobbing at All Might as everyone watched Aizawa run you to Recovery Girl, him holding an unconscious you in his arms.

“And you! You burned her! You sent her flying to glass!” Bakugo ran at Todoroki, many students having to hold him back. “You pushed her asshole!” Todoroki ran pack, All Might having to pick him up to keep him from charging each other.

The rest of the day was cancelled, and everyone was sent back to class where Present Mic tried to cheer everyone up with dad jokes and funny stories about Aizawa during his high school days. Everyone couldn’t get the view of you, your entire back burnt up in 3rd degree burns and your arms and neck cut up by the window glass.

Bakugo especially… You had been in so much pain after he had told you to run for it. It was his fault really. And on top of everything, he had said such terrible things to you.

“Sensei!” Bakugo held his hand up, getting his attention. “I… need to go check up on Y/n. Please.” He quietly begged, trying not to draw attention as Present Mic sighed and nodded, letting Bakugo run out.

He ran as fast as he could, turning the corner to see you laying on the bed, your entire chest and back wrapped in bandages, your arms as well. “Shh, I just got her to sleep. Gave her the strongest sleep medication I got. You’re that Katsuki one, the one she was talking about, right?” Recover Girl asked, sitting at her desk. “Y-yes mam. I was just… checking on her.” Bakugo sat down next to your head, running his hands through your hair.

“Don’t lie to me boy. You feel bad, don’t you? That Todoroki came by earlier too. Y/n is a sweet girl, I’m not surprised she has as many boys as she does visiting her. You think she’s pretty?” Recovery Girl asked, walking over to Y/n and pressing her hand on her back. Bakugo blushed, choosing not to answer the question.

It did anger him that Todoroki had gotten to talk to her while she was awake. “Anyways, I doubt she’ll be up until later. You won’t see her until this evening in the dorms, I’m sorry.” She walked back to her desk, chewing on a piece of taffy.

“Um, what time do you think?” Bakugo asked, eager to wait for her. “Oh, you want to walk her to the dorms? How cute. Todoroki asked me the same thing. I’ll have her out by the end of school. Just make sure she rests tonight, okay? Those burns will be okay by tomorrow. Now shoo.” Recovery Girl sent him out of the room as Bakugo smiled.

Now that he thought about it, Y/n was very pretty.

[dicapriho]

Important quotes to take from this article, that sums up perfectly why Daenarys’ treatment in season 8 was so heartbreaking..(long post with bullet points for easy reading):

Game of Thrones is "a world where women are often treated as disposable objects, Daenerys outwitted and overpowered her male enemies. As the sole protagonist in her own storyline, far from the rest of the characters, she was set up to be one of the few unambiguously [female] heroic figures in the series."

"in just a few episodes, she quickly transformed from a woman who has prided herself on saving the downtrodden to one who burns the innocent."

"[Daenerys’] treatment this season from the makeup of the writers’ room: The writers and directors on the show have always been overwhelmingly male, and women were shut out of both writing and directing jobs for every episode in season 8."

"Throughout her life, Daenerys has shown a commitment to justice...She freed the slaves in Meereen... When Drogon burned one child, she chained up her other two dragons, leaving herself more vulnerable...She put her fight for the Iron Throne on pause to fight in Jon’s war against the White Walkers [in the North where she knew she would feel unwelcome]."

"She was called the “Breaker of Chains” for a reason. When she misstepped, we forgave her, as we forgave, say, Tyrion for strangling Shae." [And Jon for killing a child for betraying him!]

“Daenerys has certainly used “Dracarys” to punish plenty of people during her reign... she always gave some compelling reason for doing so.”

She first used her dragon’s fire to kill a warlock who tried to imprison her, and again against a slaver who tried to cheat her...she crucified all the masters in retaliation for them having killed slave children — but they had killed children...She burned all the Khals who were threatening to keep her as a slave or rape her, or both."

Dany’s advisors gave awful advice:

"Daenerys agreed to make Tyrion her hand because Tyrion said he “knew things”...specifically, he claimed to know how to make alliances in Westeros and exploit people’s hate of Cersei in order to put Daenerys on the throne. Except, Tyrion did…none of that."

"...when did Tyrion convince a single lord that if they joined their side, they could get a new title and nice castle and see the land’s most hated woman [Cersei] burned to a crisp? Never."

"...what Tyrion did do: Try to cut a deal with slavers that would have kept slavery legal for a longer period of time, until Daenerys decided to burn their ships instead; convince Dany not to fly to King’s Landing and burn the Red Keep, which would have resulted in far fewer Kings Landing deaths; come up with the horrible plan to capture a wight that almost got Jon killed and lost Daenerys a dragon and still didn’t earn Cersei’s allegiance; convince Daenerys to trust Cersei, who has never proven herself to be trustworthy; forget to remind Daenerys that Euron and the Iron Fleet would almost certainly be waiting near Dragonstone, thus losing Daenerys another dragon; free Jaime from captivity in an effort to help both his brother and Cersei escape death at Daenerys’ hands..."

"Don’t even get me started on Varys, who didn’t write a single letter to a single lord to gain intel against Cersei or an ally for Dany but did find time to spread the word about Jon’s true parentage...”

“Tyrion and Varys were supposed to be her helpers. They failed her. Instead of owning up to this and realizing the part they have both played, Tyrion and Varys begin to worry that Daenerys is a flawed ruler exactly because she’s losing faith in them over their terrible decisions."

On the Sansa v Dany struggle:

"...The writers of the show cited much more petty reasons for their [Sansa and Dany's] conflict: “[Daenerys is] also very pretty, and how much does that factor in? Sansa starts off this season very suspicious and not at all friendly with Dany.”"

Her Isolation:

"In the last few episodes, Daenerys finds herself envying the love that Jon’s people feel for him...it’s destabilizing for her to arrive in Westeros and find that people are not eager to see her. Why, exactly, the Northerners don’t appreciate her dragons — without which they could not have defeated the Army of the Dead...."

"Daenerys rightfully glowers at Jon as his countrymen celebrate the fact that he mounted a dragon a couple of times when Dany has been riding one for years [Not to mention she is the first Targaryen in hundreds of years to have successfully mothered & raised/trained dragons]...In a mission to make Dany feel as isolated as possible, the show killed off her closest advisors, Jorah and Missendei."

"Daario is controlling Slaver’s Bay in her absence. Yara Greyjoy is sworn to her. In theory, the new Prince of Dorne would be allied with her since Daenerys struck a pact with Ellaria Sand. Daenerys could have called on any of these allies when she faced Cersei’s army but didn’t — simply because the show needed her to be alone ."

On Missandei:

"Game of Thrones fridged Missandei. There’s no other way to put it. Her capture and death happens just so Daenerys would feel isolated. The fact that the writers turned the only major black female character on the show into a device to motivate Daenerys feels even more cringeworthy."

"The fairly quick transition from complicated hero to totally mad villain leaned heavily on an oft-repeated line: “every time a Targaryen is born, the gods toss a coin”. But should Daenerys’ Targaryen blood necessarily doom her? After all, Jon is half Targaryen, too. So why does he get to sit comfortably on the other side of the coin?...The show has long been obsessed with various characters’ struggles to shake their family’s legacies. Tyrion killed his own father and joined Team Daenerys, only to betray Daenerys in order to help his family again." 

"Daenerys has long tried to differentiate herself from her father, the Mad King, only to become her father’s daughter."

"...the show’s most recent plotting flaws was Varys’ rushed decision that Daenerys was a terrible enough queen that he would endeavor to poison her — quite a stretch for a man who served under King Joffrey...Remember that Varys once wanted to put Dany’s brother Viserys, a demonstrable megalomaniac, on the Iron Throne."

"...when Varys found out Jon was a Targaryen, he began openly conspiring to undermine and overthrow Daenerys...He accused her of being paranoid while simultaneously conspiring against her, which means she had every right to be suspicious...Again, it’s a failure of the show that the man who was once revered as Master of Whispers walked up to Jon in the middle of a crowded beach and suggested he usurp Daenerys."

"Other rulers we think of as heroes in this story have executed men for less than attempted murder: Robb Stark executed Rickard Karstark for killing the Lannister hostages, against Robb’s orders...Ned Stark executed someone for abandoning the Night’s Watch...Jon Snow executed the men who succeeded in murdering him (before he was resurrected) including Olly, a young boy."

"...Jon betrayed Daenerys’ trust by telling his family, and Tyrion betrayed her — twice. Davos also betrayed her too for totally inexplicable reasons by helping Tyrion smuggle Jaime to Cersei...Her advisor’s lie to her and gaslit her, plain and simple. And yet the way that Daenerys’ destruction of King’s Landing is shot, we are supposed to see her as the irrational one and Tyrion as one of the victims of her terror."

"...either due to time restrictions or lack of source material or just plain lack of creativity, the show took shortcuts this season...And those shortcuts tended to rely on the laziest of sexist stereotypes about crazed, power-hungry women."

"Maureen Ryan at the Hollywood Reporter put it best: “Inescapably, infuriatingly, what we’re left with is apparently the central message of Game of Thrones: Bitches are crazy.” "

"...Had [Dany's] paranoia been seeded many episodes ago and grown over the course of several seasons, it would be an epic Shakespearean tragedy. Instead we must infer this descent based on her frizzy hair."

"Worse, the moment when she seemingly decides to rule with fear, not love, comes after she’s romantically rejected by Jon...” [Suggestible that the lack of requited love is a strong enough reason for a level-minded strong woman to fall into a pit of craziness, despite all the good she has ever done and vows to continue doing..]

"Varys suggested that Jon would be a better ruler exactly because he did not want to rule. Figures in mythology and history ranging from Moses to George Washington to Harry Potter have been heralded as heroes because they came to power reluctantly. Those figures also tend to be male. How do our stories cast women eager for power? As evil queens. And now Daenerys is a cliché."

"There have been a lot of problematic characterizations of women this season, as revealed by the writers’ own commentary surrounding the episodes...Sansa essentially parroted what the writers have been saying for years about her rape by Ramsay Bolton — that it made her stronger...and the showrunners called Cersei, one of the smartest, most vicious characters on Thrones, “just a girl who needs the comfort of a man..”

"...in the end, Daenerys cycled through several tired stereotypes: Another evil, power-hungry queen literally shot with a dragon’s wings behind her; the crazy lady that a noble man has to heroically overcome..."

Like Cersei, Dany was a character introduced in the first episode, who ws incredible meaningful in the narrative of Game of Thrones. Instead of going out with a bang, Daenerys’ death wasn’t a bang like she truly deserved, but a whimper and forgotten to emphasise the man’s conquer and victory.

[sloanefms]

[ jessica clements, cis woman, she/her, blue ] hey have you seen SLOANE OLSSON ? SHE let me borrow BALLET SLIPPERS. oh, you know them! they’re TWENTY-FOUR and they’ve been at Roy G. for THREE YEARS. They are known to be a total ARIES. no wonder they’ve picked up the nickname THE HALCYON! i’m surprised you haven’t heard them blaring AU REVOIR BY FRONT BOTTOMS. all night. they remind me of GRASS STAINED JEANS, MESSY PONYTAILS, AND CHIPPED NAIL POLISH. anyway, let me know if you see them ! 

* hii fweenndddsss !! i’m gigi, super excited for this group. this is my baby doll sloane. get to know her a bit & sssmasshh that heart button if you’d like to plot !! <33

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 :

FULL NAME: sloane ivy olsson GENDER: cis woman PRONOUNS: she/her RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single SEXUALITY: bisexual AGE: twenty-four  DOB: april 7th, 1996 HOMETOWN: kenosha, wisconsin PARENTS: oliver olsson ( dentist ) & samantha olsson ( elementary teacher )  SIBLINGS: vera olsson ( 27 ) & elias olsson ( 29 ) ZODIAC: aries sun, sagittarius moon, leo rising OCCUPATION: dance instructor / bartender BALLET COMPANY: miami city ballet / principal soloist 

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 :

there’s no denying that sloane was the accident child. her parents content with their two children at the time. believing that was it for the couple. but that didn’t mean when samantha fell pregnant they were upset...shocked and excited would be the words they would use.

the youngest of three. sloane grew up in a home filled with love and laughter. always taught to be kind and accepting of  every person she met but to stand her ground when she needed to. which came in handy in school, she was the kid who stood up for others and got into a few tumbles with the school bullies.

in every interest she had her parents supported her - never complaining whenever she decided she was over it. but with all the hobbies she jumped through, ballet always stuck. every season the girl was eager to get back to the company she belonged to and train. 

voted most likely to end up on broadway & most outspoken her senior year of high school. sloane made friends with every group. it was rare for the girl to have any enemies - if people disliked her for whatever reason, she would thrive on finding ways to dislike her more because she usually felt they disliked her for stupid reasons. not afraid to step on anyone’s toes.

she was also heavily involved in the theater. being in every school production (  usually the lead too ). wanting for a long time to be in showbiz. but feeling she wouldn’t be able to accomplish that goal. new york felt too far and as confident and fearless as she seemed to be, taking that step scared the hell out of her.

after high school, sloane continued training with the local dance company in kenosha while taking classes at the community college. she was content with her life. hoping she would one day get the courage to move to new york. 

it wasn’t long before she began to feel clueless with what she wanted to do with her life. she never had a set plan on a career other than ballet - only knowing whatever she wanted to do should bring her happiness. her parents being as supporting as they were gave her space to find her passion.

she felt trapped in wisconsin. she had been there her whole life and felt she needed a change in scenery. and for some odd reason, miami called to her.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 :

POSITIVE: charismatic, loyal, passionate, creative, ambitious. NEGATIVE: opinionated, impatient, secretive, moody, detached. MBTI: ESFP - the entertainer MORAL ALIGNMENT: chaotic good LIKES: cold brew, snacks, tattoos, flirting, shots of tequila, being center of attention, sunshine. DISLIKES: loud chewing, obnoxious scents, rude people, staying in on the weekends, liars, cloudy days. AESTHETICS: grass stained jeans, messy ponytails, chipped nail polish, driving with the windows down, lavender vanilla scented candles, the deepest of blues, glossier sheer matte lipstick in cake. CHARACTER INSPO: penny lane ( almost famous ),  molly gunn ( uptown girls ), amanda beckett ( can’t hardly wait ), summer ( 500 days of summer).

sloane is extremely friendly. has lots of love to give to everyone. she fights hard for her friends and family. she gets along with everyone and anyone. she’s the girl who compliments you drunk in the bathroom bar but will continue to compliment you sober. the loud mouth of most her friend groups. she’s a live in the moment kind of gal. wanting to make an adventure out of everything. she’s not all rainbows and sunshine, she can be selfish and cruel. using her niceness to gain trust and then manipulating someone to get her way. she doesn’t always mean to do it...but it’s a bad habit of hers and she’s fully aware. when it comes to love, she loves it. but cannot have a mature and nontoxic relationship to save her life. sloane goes on dates often, too scared to open her heart to anyone and get hurt. but she loves to have fun and get to know people.

𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀 & 𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐑𝐊𝐒 :

height: 5′9″

eye color: blue

hair color: brown / medium length

tattoos: has plenty but can’t decide what yet dkjnfks little dainty ones 

piercings: ears 

languages: english, swedish 

free spirited af

confident in herself, loves to be naked, kiss her friends, & do things that scare her

speaks very loud - her voice is kind of nasally so not surprised if ppl tell her to stfu

cannot sit still, she always has to be doing something / moving

horrible driver ; hits a curb & is like “oopsie”

hot head af - she’s an aries...she will turn red when mad

loves to drink and smoke 

will put training before anyone 

has a parrot named frank ( yes, i’m using jessica’s beautiful parrot  dfkjndskj )

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 :

good influence: reminds her to be on her best behavior. always forgives her when she fucks up but holds her accountable.

frenemy: just straight up cannot stand each other, two strong personalities or complete opposites. or maybe they were once close but some shizz happen and things got messy.

accidental hook up: one drunk night after her breakup, she found comfort with them and one thing lead to another. maybe now they ignore it or try to fight it happening again?

squad: the peeps she hits up to have some fun, they probably hang out at each other’s apartments a lot.

if there’s other dancers/entertainment muses, something to do with that would be cool!!

tbh, love plots that start some kind of drama so lets goooo !!

[kaaramel]

Glitch Plot Hooks... 2!

i’m really glad people enjoyed the first set of these! @windienine​ and i still have writing juice in our brains, so i’m here to double down. these plot hooks are gifted for your use, wholesale or as inspiration, in games of Glitch, and they’re often suitable for Nobilis as well with minor tweaks.

Mystery

The PCs find an unattended Abhorrent Weapon; maybe delivered in a neatly wrapped parcel, embedded all handle-out and inviting in a chunk of stone, or, alarmingly, left in the corpse of its former bearer. What the hell happened here? Are you going to claim it?

One of the more inscrutable Warmains has started riding through the streets. They’re probably sizing up a potential victim, but their Test is broad enough that it’s hard to say who exactly they’ve got their eye on. How likely is it to be one of the PCs, or someone they know? Is it possible to chase the Warmain off before the test starts?

Out of the blue, some unknown factor is accelerating and exacerbating the PCs’ Infection; when you investigate, the culprit is a highly specific but otherwise mundane substance, like a particular brand of instant maple and ginger oatmeal. There are Nobles who would love to do a lot of damage to the loyal Excrucian cause with this knowledge.

The Deceiver Phasael Mery-Harumaph has invited all of the PCs on a vacation to New Revel, one of the cities devoted to perpetually celebrating his existence. All expenses paid, there will be special measures taken to accommodate your personal Banes, and you believe you heard mention of a luxury spa? He’s definitely up to something, right?

An Angel has been spotted making intense study of Ninuan and carving it into new shapes with their holy perception. Are they planning a new front of the Valde Bellum, or trying to adapt their Lore to the inhospitable environment? Can a ragtag gaggle of Strategists meaningfully investigate such a being without getting chopped to ribbons?

Monster of the Week

A PC's computer appears to have caught a virus with some suspicious qualities, and the tech support person who shows up to fix it seems a bit off, too. Both the virus and the tech support turn out to be manifestations of the same lonely, geeky Actual. Can the PCs give them a sense of identity and belonging, or at least get that computer back unharmed? 

Some irresponsible twit of a Deceiver has been raising a wild λ-parrot, hoping to take advantage of its ability to mimic not merely a person's voice but the actual words they aren't saying. The Deceiver's attempts to train it were pitiful and forcing it to live in Creation in the first place was downright cruel. Heist the poor λ-bird away from its shitty owner and then figure out what to do with it before it gleefully confesses all your secrets. 

A nearby baseball stadium is closed for renovations, and the giant crocodile that lives in its mythic-reality analogue, incubating nests of baseball-eggs, is venturing out to beg random people for treats. It accepts hot dogs, peanuts, signed memorabilia (signer’s level of fame irrelevant), and the noise of vuvuzelas.

A λ-creature of no particular appearance has stumbled out of a waylet and into the world. Bemused by the whole concept of “looking like something” and “being perceived,” it’s taken to imitating random inanimate objects it finds, which is causing a few kerfluffles and some minor chaos. Find it, catch it, and release it safely back into Ninuan.

A data-based organism which travels long distances in the form of a numbers station-like radio signal has lost one of its major predators and started multiplying out of control, with its migratory broadcasts starting to replace the radio’s ordinary news and music frequencies with monotone recitations of random numbers. If their population explosion continues, it’s likely they’ll make the leap to new mediums like cell phones and podcasts.

Comedy & Slice-of-Life

The PCs have befriended a human child who wants your assistance with a school assignment. Play out a series of flashbacks/colorful retellings of the historical period your young friend is asking about. Given the, ah, unique priorities of Strategists and presence of mythic reality, these anecdotes needn't be constrained by resemblance to "real events." Embellish and contradict each other freely. 

An old rival of one of the PCs - probably a Power, maybe an Imperator - has contacted you again, and your interactions feel kind of different now. Is this… are they flirting? Wait, were they always flirting?

The local RAS chapter has pledged to start volunteering in the surrounding human community, as an attempt to form and nurture ties to Creation. Tending community gardens, taking tickets at amateur improv performances, shelving books at the library, or picking up litter (and/or wiping it from existence) are a few suggested activities, but you're free to go where your heart leads. Do you succeed, and maybe even find a person or place to anchor, or does it all go comically/horribly wrong? 

One of the PCs gets in a strenuous disagreement with a Power over which one of you gets to claim a mutual friend as a Treasure. 

The PCs have fallen into something illegal, but like, mundanely illegal. Roughly on the level of tax fraud. Do you have the chill to pull it off without escalating and leveling the city?

Serious Drama

Someone in the PCs’ circle of acquaintances has died: a Chancery member's Treasure, or a family member of one such; or someone from a PC's/NPC's mortal descendant line; maybe even a Power you were on neutral-to-friendly terms with, or a Chancery member who burnt themself out. What does it look like to confront death when you'd thought yourself an immortal and ever-reborn void-god? How do you mourn and grieve? 

The PCs are there for an innocent bystander’s first time witnessing the Glitch; it’s entirely possible that their actions caused it, or at least paved the way. Will they take responsibility? What are they going to do?

The PCs are there for a Deceiver’s breakthrough. The kid is riding high on their new philosophy and deeply obnoxious about it, but has also just sort of assumed that y’all are their new mentors. What are you going to do with that trust? Should you/can you steer them onto a less destructive path?

A non-Chancery Strategist who has started wavering in their convictions has approached the PCs to ask bitter questions about why each of you stopped the fight and what you’re hoping to accomplish.

The PCs meet, learn of, and/or are roped into retrieving an ordinary human who has been lost and wandering in Ninuan for far too long. The initial rescue is only the first step; they’ve become acclimated to nonexistence, and the process of readjustment to time, physicality, and cause-and-effect is looking to be difficult and painful.

bonus CMWGE color theory trivia: the notion behind dividing these prompts into Mystery, Monster of the Week, Comedy/Slice of Life, and Serious Drama (beyond ‘providing a balanced diet’ and ‘sorting into categories fun’) is that i’m loosely trying to fit the stories to Eide-flavored silver, Lore-flavored blue, Flore-flavored purple, and Wyrd-flavored silver. disclaimer, i’m not being rigorous enough to tell you if every story necessarily fits well into quests or arcs of that color; i just think it’s interesting

[csmicwarrior]

Traversing the fields of Liyue after another successful initiation of the newest Fatui members, Tartaglia can't help but to approach the familiar sight of blonde locks in the distance. With a hum, he makes his way over, and once close enough he fetches a nearby pebble. Does he plan to throw it? Not really. Instead he juggles it in his hand, side against a tree. Was she fighting? Was she training? "My, my ---" He calls out, voice overly friendly and warm, flying pebble caught in a firm grasp. "Look who we have here! Out causing trouble again, girlie? Or have you finally decided to seek me out and join our ranks?" A small laughter follows.

"I think the Fatui would've looked good on you."

UNPROMPTED ( always open ) — @avaere

What was all that racket and commotion? From the sounds of it, it was a battle of some sort? A small huff escaped her as she shook out her wet hands. She had been fishing in the near-by river, but with all that noise, she wasn't having a lot of luck. Wading out of the water, which only went up to her knees, she retrieved her boots.

Making her way up the bank, Lumine crested the top of the hill, only to take notice of the small gathering of Fatui agents. Her hand shot out to her side, ready to summon her weapon, but in the center of it all, was a familiar face. Lowering her hand once more, both she and Paimon exchanged a glance before they stood back and watched.

She had watched the little encounter; were they sparring? Who knows. Looked like these idiots were in over their head as they barely lasted even twenty seconds against Childe.

" So I've been spotted, " Lumine mused out as the other approached. However, at his words, she blinked slowly before looking past him to the men. She had quickly caught on that this was an initiation of some sort. However, at Childe's words, her eyes darted to him once more.

" Join your ranks? " She parroted in question, before she let out a soft peal of laughter. " I wouldn't hold your breath on that, Childe. I'd never join the likes of you. "

[tearlessrain]

A clarification

So it’s come to my attention that a lot of people don’t know what the terms wild/feral/tame/domesticated actually mean, because those aren’t actually interchangeable.

The difference between wild and domesticated animals is genetic. A wild animal is any species that’s had limited contact with humans and doesn’t live with/around them intentionally; wolves, deer, bears, raccoons, you know how wild animals work. Domestication happens over generations of selection for the ability to interact well with humans; it’s the difference between wolves and dogs or near-eastern wildcats and housecats. Any animal commonly kept as livestock, work animals, or pets is going to be a domesticated species. It also leads to fairly consistent physical changes to the species like more coat color variation, smaller teeth/muzzle, and a longer juvenile period (also a retention of more juvenile behavior into adulthood).

Feral refers to any domestic animal living on its own or in the wild. "Wild” mustangs, stray dog/cat colonies, and rock doves (aka city pigeons, you’ve seen ‘em) are all feral animals that were originally domesticated by humans and then got loose or were abandoned. This is why mustangs and pigeons have so much color and marking variation in comparison to actual wild animals. It’s also why it’s technically possible to go out, catch a "wild horse,” and eventually train and ride it. You cannot do that (at least not well) with a zebra or an elk. It works with horses because horses have been bred for generations upon generations to work with humans. It still won’t always work with a feral animal that hasn’t been socialized at all, but you can hand-rear a feral kitten and end up with a friendly, loving cat in a way that would never work with its wild counterpart, which will likely grow up to be a dangerous asshole with no people skills even if you raise it perfectly, it’s about as effective as raising a child in a strict christian homeschooling household with no media to prevent them from sinning. Might work. Probably gonna end badly for everyone, especially the child and/or pet bushbaby. Feral animals are also invasive species, and mustangs are a problem that isn’t being solved effectively because people think they’re wild animals that need to be protected but that’s another issue for another rant. 

Tame generally refers to a wild animal that’s been raised by humans and can more or less live with them. Any pet fox or carriage-pulling zebra is in this category. Yes, any pet fox, the Russian project never fully domesticated them and did so on an extremely small scale (I’m pretty sure they’re also defunct now because they ran out of funding). If someone in the US is selling you a “domesticated fox” you’re being lied to and you’re about to bring a wild, high-energy animal that may or may not have been properly socialized into your home. DON’T KEEP FOXES AS PETS.

I’m not saying that a tamed wild animal is 100% bad 100% of the time, the wildlife center where I volunteer has a variety of socialized ambassador birds who are chosen because they can’t survive in the wild but still do fine with assistance, and they’re part of our education program. The key is they still aren’t treated like pets, you don’t snuggle with an eagle and you keep their environment as low-stress as possible. They have extremely different needs from a domestic animal and won’t necessarily have the same body language even with close domestic relatives. This is why wolfdogs, savannah cats, parrots, and foxes are all a bad pets and usually end up with all parties having a bad time. Tame can also refer to a feral animal that’s been re-socialized and is a looser term than the others because it’s also a verb and refers more to the state of an individual animal than a blanket term for a type of animal. Aka you can tame a mustang or an owl but you can’t have a feral owl.

Anyway yeah pigeons aren’t wild animals, wolves aren’t feral, don’t keep exotic pets, thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[scenariosofkonoha]

How would Naruto be like when his daughter is dating someone? And how would he react to her getting her first period? If you can answer this, please.

Hey Anon! It was my pleasure to answer this! It was fun to think of Naruto this way. He’s just a dad doing his best. Thank you so much for the ask and I hope you like it! ~ Admin Little Lace 🎀

Dating

Naruto Uzumaki is an optimist through and through. So when he originally found out that he and his wife were expecting a daughter, he was over the moon. No matter the stories and warnings about raising girls, the once knuckle head ninja was undeterred.

“I survived. Sakura and Grandma Tsunade. How bad can it be?”

Answer: He is woefully unprepared.

From the moment the newborn squinted at him, he was wrapped around her little finger. She was his precious baby girl, the light of his life. A perfect little angel that could do no wrong, and would remain that way

So when she turned 5 and declared:

“I have a boyfriend”

The man damn near had a heart attack.

“B-b…boyfriend?” the “well feared” shinobi squealed.

“Uh-huh,” the whisker-marked girls spoke, rocking from heel to toe restlessly. “I love him, you know?” the more excited the miniature Uzumaki grew, so paler did her father. The girl’s mother was no help, covering her laughter at her husband’s expense.

“Boyfriend?”

“Yes daddy,”

“Boyfriend?” he parroted now to his wife who rolled her eyes.

“Yes love,”

“Who?” he frantically asked his daughter pulling her. She smiled brightly, mistaking the man’s panic for enthusiasm.

“Kiba,”

It takes Naruto a few stressful minutes to assess that it’s just “puppy love” (A term he was not thrilled with) and it was not serious.

This didn’t stop him from giving the Inuzuka a dirty look every now and again.

Since this incident occured Naruto didn’t freak out to much when he caught wind of any of the girl’s crushes. The girl’s boy crazy stage not breaking the man as everyone would have thought.

And yet each boy strangely became afraid of the jinchuriki Something about the dark look in his eye. Weird, you know?

Naruto is very protective over his daughter. He wants her to live her best life, he wants her to be happy. But he knows what boys her age think about. Probably better than most.

Jiraya was his sensei after all. He remembers training on those “research trips”. And he would be damned if any over sexed boys even so much as thought about his daughter in such a way.

Yet it isn’t exactly all consuming fear, they don’t think Naruto will hurt them. In any other respect the Hokage is well loved and admired. But if an eye even wanders in her direction, a dark essence comes from the friendly nin that resembles some sort of demon.

With all provisions on making sure his daughter was safe, and every boy on her team and in her class was afraid of him, he is taken a back when she comes to him with a request.

“Dad, I want you to mean someone.”

“Sure, honey.” he answered half heartedly. His attention stolen by the stack of mission reports. The hokage’s daughter looked to his advisor. Shikamaru gave a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes.

“Naruto, don’t you want to know who it is?” the shadow-nin prompted, trying his best to pull his friend from his work.

“Of course,” the words not holding much weight with his head buried in work. ‘Who is it?”

“My boyfriend,” For a solid half a minute the seventh Hokage continued with his work. His companion’s watch as his eyes scanned the scroll. Then suddenly he stopped, attention shifting quickly to the kunoichi. Blue eyes slowly squinting before popping open fair too wide.

“Boyfriend?”

“Yep,” the girl answered. This was a far cry from her five old excitement. There was an easy smile and something else…a glow, his little girl had a glow. Naruto’s stomach dropped.

“Who?”

“You wouldn’t know him,” the chunin’s smiled formed into knowing smirk. “He’s from Suna,”

The littlest Uzumaki isn’t stupid. Though it may have taken time, she could figure out what her father was doing. It starts to make sense when every time her team reported for a mission they went from smiles to pale faces and averted eyes. So it was only natural that anyone she showed real interest in was more than likely going to be from another village all together.

Naruto, for his part, doesn’t know what to do. Between working to keep the boys away and keeping his daughter safe. He hadn’t planned for when she actually had a boyfriend.

The Shinobi is the father that forgets his daughter isn’t a child anymore. Successful Kunoichi? Yes. Capable woman? Debatable but yes. But she was still his little girl. Who was dating…

Was he prepared for that?

“Soo…you’ll meet him?” he supposed he’d have to be.

“Sure, I will.”

Naruto will give that boy the hardest of times. If they are a ninja he will pull his file. If they are a civilian he has had the ANBU make a file. He’ll know everything there is to know about his daughters new beau. Said new beau would probably already be nervous to begin with in meeting the Hokage. The Jinchuriki would insure that he would be constantly on edge, testing to see if he is worthy.

It may be a bit excessive, and more that intimidating. But chances are it won’t last long very long. At his core, the blond-nin is a kind soul. Whoever has his daughter’s heart, there is a high probability he’ll grown to like him too. He wants his daughter. and if this person make her happy, who is he to stop that?

This being said, the person that breaks her heart is in for it. Nothing on this planet will save the from the wrath of Naruto Uzumaki. Nothing. And with his tenacity, they wouldn’t be able to hide either.

1st Period

As a boy, there was no reason, in his mind, why Naruto would need to know about the female body. He was given the talk and knew where babies came from, but didn’t understand all the mechanics.

And he didn’t really get it when his S/O explained it when they started dating. Hence his infamous:

“Oh, you’re on your period!”

That he exclaimed in front of Kami and all his witnesses in the market. He hadn’t meant to embarrass her. They both knew that. But still they had decided after their daughter was born that his wife would cover the discussion of that subject.

So it came as a surprise when, just his luck, his wife was on a mission when the gift of nature arrived.

“Hey sweetie you feeling okay?” the man’s sleep graveled voice croaked as he poured her cereal  into the bowl. Turning her head from it’s place resting on the table, her eyes met his. Placing the back of his head on her head the shinobi observed her. She wasn’t warm but her eyes were a bit unfocused.

“Not really my stomach feels weird.”

It had started of with her just not feeling well. But with no visible signs of illness the man isn’t see what to do. Naruto can be a bit of a worry wart when it come to his child. To make sure she is alright, he even tries to work from home. Not amount of work would allow him to leave her alone, especially when her mother is away from the village.

Not knowing but she has he just has her rest. He’ll check up on her every so often. Since she has never felt this before she can’t explain it, concerning him all the more. The mystery makes him a bit anxious. If she gets any worse he promises to call grandma Tsunade.

Upon checking on her one more time, he receives a shock.

“I think I’m bleeding.”

Being a survivor of a war, Naruto begins frantically looking for a wound. When he doesn’t see an outward one, and paired with his daughter’s uncomfortable look, it dawns on the blond-nin what is going on.

To the best of his ability he will try to explain what is going on with her body. He doesn’t understand the terminology fully and keeps doubling back to describing things. It is painful to listen to but humor to watch the savior of the village try to get his bearings.

After a bit her realizes the problem at hand and tries to handle it. His “handling” of it is going through a box of feminine products and reading the directions out loud as he figures out how to help. After failing to explain tampons without sounding confusing her instructs on pads.

“Sticky side down,”

His performance bringing laughter from his already dumb founded daughter. For Naruto laughter is good. She can’t freak out or cry if he makes her laugh. Laughing himself brings ease as he goes to reassess the situation. By reassess he means send a clone to go to Tsunade to help with the strange stomach pains.

When the clone goes to consult Lady 5th, the main body does what he can for his daughter. Taking from what he would do for his wife, He gives her tea and a heating pad wrapping her in a blanket.

Not knowing what else to do, he sits with her, doing his best to make her comfortable. Her father has been busy lately he takes the time to catch up with his daughter. The whisker-marked duo filling each other in on the smaller events that had transpired as of late.

The clone returns with herbal tea and a bottle of medicinal herbs for the “stomach ache” that Tsunade correct informs him are called cramps. The former hokage also informs him that she’ll be over after her game.

The instructions are simple enough, now all Naruto has to do is figure out how much to give her.

“It goes by weight,” the man read the note looking down at the bottle. “So…um how much do you weigh?”

“How much is it per pound?” the be-whiskered girl questioned back. Her father frowned as he concentrated a little too hard on the note. The man’s elongated “Uh…” made his daughter less likely to take anything he was giving her.

Being a jinchuriki sort of cancels out the need for run of the mill medicines. So unfortunately Naruto has no clue how to administer the proper (and non-lethal) amount of medicine.

Another clone is sent to Sakura. This one returns with all of the herbs separated into doses with instructions on when and how many times it can be taken.

After quite a while, when her card game had ended (and she was broke), Tsunade came to check in on the girl. The Lady 5th finds bother her and her father past out on the couch. The low coffee table covered in empty ramen cups forgetting chocolate wrappers and sticks from Popsicles. All of them signs that the 7th Hokage had tried his absolute best to make his daughter feel better.

Tomorrow the Sanin would check in on pseudo-granddaughter. For now she would let the two of them sleep.

[wee-chlo]

Sitcom AU where after Five disappears, Reginald has an epiphany and commits to being Less of a Dick. It’s rocky going, because Reginald is still a stiff, socially inept curmudgeon who is terrible with children but his efforts include:

Awkwardly attempting to use the names Grace gave them. Eventually becomes so obviously painful that they all just give him an out and decide the number system is just a bunch of nicknames.

Giving Grace a room and more autonomy while also maintaining her upkeep so that she’s sharp as a tack well into their late twenties. Wins points with everyone with this but especially Diego.

The uniforms are worn during ‘school hours’; otherwise the children can wear what they like. Grace is given leave to take the children out for day trips and the first one is to go out and get them whatever clothing they want. Allison, Klaus and Vanya ask if they can get makeup. “Ask your mother.” “Of course!”

Sadistic abusive testing is completely done away with but the children are still trained in combat techniques, teamwork, strategy and tactics, etc. for the future. The creepy posters are taken down though. 

Giving Grace and Pogo leave to celebrate things like holidays and birthdays (hitherto dismissed as pointless waffle). Reginald rarely attends these festivities, but at least one of the children will usually have something for him. As the years pass, more of these gifts are actively used, worn, or put in places where they can be seen.

Coming clean about Vanya’s powers. Vanya goes no/low contact for years but she’s told about her powers in a way that doesn’t trigger every trauma she’s ever had. He makes sure she’s aware that she can keep the violin. She does.

After Klaus’ first (and successful) stint in rehab, he very reluctantly agrees to family therapy despite constantly insisting that he is not their father, he is their guardian, there’s a difference, they are his wards and charges, not his children. Results are mixed but predominately positive. The therapist is very straightforward about the consequences of his actions.

As a result:

Luther and Diego still snipe at each other but it’s more friendly and brotherly. Both of them are better adjusted emotionally and engage in vigilante crime-fighting antics together. They bicker about who’s the sidekick. Luther lives in the mansion, Diego has his own apartment and receives a stipend from Reginald for expenses. 

Luther is more mature, not mutated, and has a much more relaxed relationship with Reginald and his family in general. For awhile he didn’t really have much aside from training and crimefighting so the others encouraged him to get a hobby. Grace taught him how to cook and bake. He also adopted a puppy he named Orion. He has no authority over his dog. He initially intended to train Orion has a sort of sidekick attack dog to fight crime alongside him but then Orion curled up next to him on the bed that first night and he realized that if anything happened to Orion, he would kill everyone in the tri-state area and then himself. Orion stays home and keeps Pogo company.

Diego’s relationship with Eudora is still somewhat tumultuous but his emotional stability means it’s still pretty positive, with Luther and Diego having a much less abrasive relationship with the local police. Diego and Eudora still go on dates sometimes but not consistently. He doesn’t go on dates with anyone else though.

Allison is still a starlet but her relationships with her husband and child are much healthier and she uses her Rumor power much less. She used it pretty liberally early on but conversations with her family made her realize it wasn’t appropriate. She lives across the country but keeps in close contact with everyone and visits for holidays. She doesn’t receive a stipend, but did early on in her career. She and Luther have long since decided that they’re better as friends, and she encourages him to find someone because he really does need that kind of support and intimacy.

Klaus succeeded in kicking hard drugs and while he’s still a shameless pothead and disaster gay, he’s also much more stable. He’s an actor at the theater with plenty of friends and is a staple designated driver and mom friend of local gay bars and raves. He lives in the manor, where he and Luther have become very weird friends as Klaus tries to get Luther out of his shell. Klaus was most recently in a production of Les Mis as Grantaire. Everyone, including Grace, Pogo, and (reluctantly) Reginald, attended. Reginald declared it “surprisingly adequate”. It was the nicest thing he’d ever said to Klaus. 

Klaus got a Siamese kitten on a lark after Luther adopted Orion. Her name is Schatz and she is an absolute terror but always comes when Klaus calls her and will frequently ride on his shoulder like the cutest parrot in the world. 

Ben is alive and is going to college to be a nurse. He still lives at the mansion but actually does pay rent (not a lot, but still) and works as a bicycle courier on the side. He and Klaus are besties; Klaus drags him to every gay bar in the city and he has lots of admirers. Klaus also hooks him up with the therapist he started seeing after rehab. For therapy. Not for romantic liaisons.

Vanya’s therapy actually works because she knows why she needs it. She goes off her power-inhibiting meds, starts taking meds that will actually help her, and retreats to a quiet, isolated place to focus on learning how to control her powers without hurting people. She went no/low contact with the others both because of her hurt and anger and because she didn’t want to hurt them while she experimented. She doesn’t write a tell-all book, and Reginald quietly sends her a stipend to live on while she trains herself.

The Story

Instead of Five dropping in right before Hargreeves’ memorial service, he drops in right before the family’s “Welcome Back, Vanya, We’re Still Super Sorry and Love You Very Much” party as Vanya finally feels comfortable enough to return to the mansion. 

Everyone is still outrageously distracted from Five’s Very Important Mission accept for Hargreeves, who immediately pulls out the uniforms he’s had prepared for them for just this instance. Five’s is too big. Five puts on the school boy uniform and is very weirded out when Reginald apologizes because he assumed Five wouldn’t be a literal child when he returned but he really should have been better prepared.

“Dad, you told the therapist you got rid of those.” “I lied.” “.... alright, asked and answered.”

Instead of being distracted by things like trauma, dysfunction, drug abuse, etc., everyone’s distracted by mundane, goofy nonsense. Luther is set up on a blind date by Klaus with the girl who played Eponine, and is reluctant to leave when Five tries to drag him out of the restaurant. Allison’s husband has the flu so she can’t leave, she doesn’t know anyone here and who would take are of Claire? “... HOW ABOUT MOM, ALLISON?” 

Klaus helps for awhile but is immediately distracted by a very cute soldier in line to discuss a prosthetic leg who introduces himself as David Katz. Five admits through gritted teeth that yes, he has a great smile, but you know what he’ll have in a week if we don’t get this done? A really bad case of death.

Vanya’s better but then she meets Dave’s sister, Esther, and becomes as distracted as Klaus and Five wonders if it’s not too late to just let the apocalypse happen.

Only Reginald is helpful but even his assistance is limited because he basically hasn’t left his manor in actual years and looks like he’s straight out of a Dickens novel. Grace is only moderately more believable. Pogo is a monkey.

On the plus side, the group is much better at working together because despite deciding that brutal psychological abuse wasn’t the best way to go about things, Reginald still made sure they were prepared and well-trained. Hazel and Cha-Cha are still terrifying but Klaus isn’t kidnapped and they’re sent scurrying away after the attack on the academy.

Eventually, Five learns that Hazel and Cha-Cha weren’t sent to ensure the apocalypse but to attempt to instigate it because it’s basically been stopped in it’s tracks by the Hargreeves family being Weird-But-Chill instead of Insane-and-Dysfunctional. However, between Hazel becoming both infatuated with Agnes and increasingly disinterested in causing the destruction of the world as we know it, Cha-Cha not really getting any backup, and the Umbrella Academy’s impressive (if frequently distracted) competence, it just becomes a big circus of black comedy, slapstick, and slice of life nonsense with Five and Reginald trying and failing to get the others to keep their eye on the birdie for longer than six minutes at a time but everyone’s too distracted by things like cute girls and anatomy tests and families and being really gay.