#cherri did a fantastic job as always

[goingdownorup]

Can I just say, coming from an anime fandom before this I appreciate Martyn’s editing so much in this episode. It’s truly got it all, the ad breaks, the quizzes. I’m amazed at the time and commitment he put in to it. It went over so well for me, loved every second 💕

Fly high, king, gone but always listening lmao

[remus-poopin]

What are your top HP fics based on writing? Like things that are just beautiful to read

Wow I think I’m answering this 3 months late sorry aghh. Again, I don’t read as many fics as I would like to, but I’ve been changing that recently and these are 4 that have really stood out to me in terms of writing!

Savour the Moment by - @evesaintyves

This fic made me both sad and hungry

This is a truly beautiful portrait of Molly and her relationship with Ginny. I really love how effortlessly this weaves in the food and cooking imagery with the emotions of the characters. The descriptions are so detailed and vivid that you can practically taste the cakes and pies off of the words alone.

Grief is hanging over this fic heavy, grief from Molly with her brothers and grief yet to come from Ginny. These two very different women, who also feel things very differently, have an extremely engaging back and forth of attempted connections. Both of them want it but aren’t able to easily get there with each other, and that struggle was very compelling to me.

Really such a great fic, I always find myself coming back to it

Favorite quotes:

“Molly has always tasted her memories. Perhaps that's why she's always been a bit thick round the middle: food relishes the good times, is the physical stuff of love. Ever since she was a little girl: plum pudding was Christmas and summers were cherry ice cream and chocolate flake. The time she broke her ankle jumping down from a tree, to this day, is the chalk flavor of Skele-Gro and a limp cucumber sandwich from the St Mungo's cafeteria. Her mother is sweet milky tea and her father is cottage pie with mushrooms, his favourite, flavoured with the smoke of his pipe in the air.”

“She learned to cook at her own mother's elbow and she is full of warm, creamy, ginger-flavoured memories of it. But Ginny's never liked being in the kitchen with her mum. She wants to be out with the boys, flying on broomsticks, getting jostled and scraped and braying coarse laughter through a mouthful of blood. That's why, when she thinks about Ginny, it's not the cream tea and swiss roll flavours she expected when she learned she was finally having a girl. It's rain-drenched popcorn at the Quidditch match and the salt of a kiss on Ginny's sweaty, gritty forehead.”

Sparkling Cyanide - @saintsenara

The house elf plot-line in the hp books leaves MUCH to be desired when it comes to fully and unequivocally condemning slavery. Due to this, you might find that me and my black ass are, shockingly, not its biggest fans.

However this fic is a brilliant look into elves’ oppression and enslavement AND their culture and agency.

This fic focuses on the death of Hepzibah Smith and the conditions surrounding and leading up to it. Specifically the subjugation of Elves and how that system encourages the idea of them as docile, unintelligent, and submissive (And how this perception can be wielded against the wizards that enslave them).

What I find so striking about this fic is how language is centered as a tool to illustrate the functions of colonial mindsets. I think this does a fantastic job at subverting the trope of “improper English = stupidity” that HP uses so frequently.

This was an extremely satisfying and moving read!

Favorite quotes:

“Come quickly and stop faffing,’ Mes Ebhsebbá says to Eokhí. She is clicking her fingers at Eokhí, like there is magic in her fingers. There is magic in Eokhí’s fingers. She is able to make the whole house fall to the ground if she is wanting to.”

“They is not knowing that we is knowing how to take the lives we is wanting from them. And that is why they is not thinking about how many weapons they is putting in kitchens.”

The Seven names of Mrs Zabini - @artemisia-black

And if I said that she did nothing wrong then what?

I’ve mentioned this fic several times before but I don’t think I’ll ever be over it. The way this is written is actually masterful; the attention to details, the poetic language, the characterization. I’m going to scream.

There is just something about this fic that entrances me. This is actually my favorite genre of story, the “good for her!” category, and whenever I read/watch these I go temporarily insane.

Because this is in first person we’re really getting into Mrs. Zabini’s mindset and the traumas that inform it, and this is extremely effective/convincing in making you stay on her side even while she is committing cold blooded murder.

Another thing I love about this is how the actual murders are so casually placed in the story, in comparison with how rich the rest of the imagery that Mrs. Zabini is describing. It’s almost like an afterthought. It makes her sound so much colder and more calculating than if there was a long depiction of each individual killing, so I thought that was a really brilliant writing choice.

If you love Gone Girl definitely give this a read!

Favorite quotes:

“There is a reason that Venus herself emerges from her half shell as a fully formed woman, blinking naively into existence. This is what men actually desire, a goddess who knows nothing of the world and so is more easily amused by the trinkets he throws at her. A divine being who is blissfully unaware of her own divinity. A being who had no thought but him and who cannot function outside of him.”

“I had gone to my wedding bed expecting a transformative experience where his penis would alchemise me from a girl into a woman. An expectation I had imbibed from a society that exalts the wonder of the male member. Instead, as I lay there shivering with his rotten seed running down my leg, I felt used and disgusted at the man I had been condemned to spend the rest of my life servicing”

“And as I rattled around our isolated country house, I believed him. Hiding myself from mirrors, starving my body in order to obtain the concave stomach and taut thighs that he so desired. But when I corrected one perceived flaw, he would find another. Peppering his insults with crumbs of tenderness that lured and trapped me in reality of his making.”

The Secret in the Heart of the Forest by @myrskytuuli

This one has it all: accidental cannibalism, ancient rituals, Snape sass, feral Lily, elf politics, generational trauma, fairy induced psychosis, and most importantly the Marauders + Sev and Lily + Regulus and Narcissa all teamed up. Oh yeah I’m eating this up

This one is longer than the others so I’m really going to try to make this as brief as I can but this fic is actually insane because it’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a hp fic and I think I could talk about it forever.

I was genuinely so giddy reading this. There were so many twists and turns and it remained gripping the whole time. This is a psychedelic fever dream, introspective character study, horror adventure and a beautiful tale of friendship all wrapped in one. I absolutely loved everyone’s characterization here, they’re all so beautifully flawed and you can really understand where they are coming from on a personal level but also on a sociological level, I think the author did a MASTERFUL job at this.

The worldbuilding is INSANELY good (the interlude chapters revolving around each of their mothers made me cry repeatedly. And Elieens chapter is just incredible, I have no words). And the pacing is just excellent, I never felt like any of the growth was forced or unearned.

This storytelling is also amazing, whenever there was a theme or reference brought up before in the story that got tied back in again, my mouth would physically drop because it was so seamless yet so meaningful and impactful.

(Sorry but I just need to talk about characterization for a brief minute because this has some of my favorite characterizations that I’ve ever read of some of these characters:

This is my absolute favorite Lily. Like ever. She feels so real here with her anger and flaws and quirks. She is neither villainized nor deified but a full fleshed out character. I just love her!

This is also my favorite James! James is usually a tough character for me to stay engaged with but this fic does an excellent job at balancing his strengths and flaws while keeping him compelling.

This Snape is PERFECT!!! I actually don��t think I can describe how much I love this depiction, all I can say is if you’re a Snape lover who enjoys him being a lil shit you should read this.

Also Peter is just incredible here, too often is he forgotten but this fic really does him justice.

Ok I’ll stop but just know that I could go on and on about all of these characters)

And seeing these characters who would normally hate each other come together to build meaningful bonds while they grow with their own issues is actually cathartic.

If you are a Marauder and Snape fan this is required reading, I really can’t recommend this enough!

Favorite quotes (there were way too many omg):

“Sirius had been angry for a long time now. Sometimes Sirius wondered if he had been born angry, if his first cry had never truly ended”

“Remus had said nothing after that. He was becoming a champion of saying nothing.”

“‘I’m sorry,’ he said.

‘I won’t forgive what you did to me.’ Severus said back with conviction.

‘Good.’ Sirius said with equal conviction.”

“At this point, Lily had arrived like the loyal shadow she tended to be around Snape, spitting out an angry ‘What the fuck?’”

“Sometimes he burned with the need to yank himself free of Lily and the blade of love hanging between them. To hurt her when she stepped over Severus' abused body like an avenging angel that looked down at him and made him look small, dirty, used and worthless. A worm crawling in the mud.”

Ok that’s all for now! I definitely think you should give all these a read!!

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - The Stand-in Stands Up (all puns intended)

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

June 2024 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 7 of 12 eps - I do enjoy that the other Joe’s past is now coming back to haunt the present. For our Joe, the hits just keep on coming. Meanwhile, I know my heartstrings are being intentionally tugged, but I did feel sorry for Ming in this episode (at the last). And I think Up is doing a great job with this frankly difficult role if he can make me feel anything approaching sympathy for Ming. Ming's breakdown was excellent. Very dramatic.

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 6 of 12 - These two are entirely boyfriends who just don’t happen to be dating. It’s Schrödinger’s relationship. It's crazy that these two are already sleeping together and I still can’t wait for them to kiss. Very nicely done. Good tension point. This was a really cute episode but nothing much happened.

In other news, the sound effects REALLY bother me in this show. It might have been in the running as a 10/10, except for those fucking sound effects.

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 10 of 16 - I like how the majority of this show is just basically struggling with first love. It’s strangely sweet and innocent as a result. Frankly, right now, I need that - it’s comforting. It’s not exciting, but I can’t deny that thi is the highlight of the middle of my week.

Peem to Phum = use your words. Phum = SMOOCH. 

Bet you all heard this one coming: NO SINGING. 

Note: Satang (Toey) is a fantastic actor. I love the way he changes the physicality of his body for his roles. In this part, he’s kind of loose-limbed and floppy. He doesn't look younger but the way he inhabits his body does.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 1 of 12 - GeminiForth (AKA G4) are back and glory-be they showed up on YouTube. Still I’m worried it won’t stay there after the Cherry Magic debacle. So I stayed up late that night to gank it. 

Back to the show.

One of the things I’ve always loved about this IP, is how genuine and decent and earnest all of the kids are. They’re all trying so hard not to hurt each other's feelings. It’s all just a terrible case of miscommunication. G4 are perfect casting for these roles. That said, I have the same challenges with this version as I did with the JBL - it’s a bit frenetic and can be clownishly too MUCH for me. 

Meanwhile, the he feeds strays trope has popped up again. 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - Trash watch here. MAME warning! I found it rather lacklustre and inoffensive but still managed to invent dildo smores.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) eps 3 of 12 - Honestly? I’m kind of enjoying watching the friendships develop between the housemates. Of course I know they’re probably gonna all end up sleeping together, but right now the communal easy-going companionship and teasing is the most fun. Other than that, this is an unremarkable Thai BL pulp with better than normal acting and consistency (for a pulp).

Only Boo! (Sun YT) ep 9 of 12 - Moo is the clinginess boyfriend in the entire universe. The thing I think I love best about this couple, and the show, is what great communicators they are. That said they are not great actors. I don’t mean to be rude, and I don’t expect great acting from my Thai BL, but it’s a little rough going sometimes with this pair.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - It’s taken me a long time, but I finally realized what I dislike about this show. It’s the pacing. Or rather, the lack of it. And I’m not saying that the pacing is necessarily off, in fact this is a typical JBL thing. But for some reason, in this show, I find it particularly annoying.

Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 5-6fin - Honestly, this was a perfectly fine little friends to lovers BL, with better than average kissing from Korea. But for some reason it never really hit for me. The very end was extremely odd. A bit of a disappointment for a longer piece from Strongberry. I think they tried to be too classically BL and that is just not their strength-berry. Strongberry is better when they explore something a little edgy, or a little outside the box. 7/10

It's airing but...

The Last Time (Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - also I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing, so... maybe I'll put it on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know.

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS. How?

You Made My Day (Thai YT) - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard. Apparently it's cute but basically a 10 min advert.

KWill To Reunite With Seo In Guk, Ahn Jae Hyun in Comeback! For those who don't know the MV for his song Please Don't is a heavy hitting shock tactic BL adjacent piece featuring major Korean actors. (The closest we are likely to ever get.) Look it was a BIG DEAL at the time. Kinda like Kpop's Broke Back Mountain moment. More here:

I don't often report on the Kpop scene but this is very interesting.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

June Releases

6/14 Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie Gaga?) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1.

6/15 Sunset Vibes AKA SunsetXVibes (Thailand Sat iQIYI) 12 eps - Star Hunter + MosBank on iQIYI for 12 weeks? If nothing else it's gonna be a wild and sexy ride. A one night stand but "uh-oh he’s my boss," adapted from a web series. I’m game. Maybe it’ll have a better story than Big Dragon? Maybe it will have a plot? We can but hope.

6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds VIU?) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).

(Speaking of, why can't Est be a merman? This... I ask you?.)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Flipping stellar side couple Wandee, thank you.

Love the mains too of course.

This is that funny little unnamed (muli-named) BL/GL something from Korea that's happening on YouTube right now. It's cute! I guess it's falling under the moniker Fake Buddies.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[treedaddymcpuffpuff]

Beneath Miles of Stone - Part Nineteen - John Wick x Plus Size Fem Reader

Summary: John has been in prison for nine months. He’s content to stay if it means appeasing the high table and keeping peace between the owners of each continental. However, he meets someone who erases that willingness. Peace be dammed.

TW: death, HEAVY NSFW, spanking

John gets around three good hours of rest. Guilt sits heavy on his chest for killing the woman in Marcus’s guest room.

He sweeps a sweat damp slice of hair from delicate, puttering eyelids, and kisses a sweaty forehead.

She’s beautiful. She still has tiny red lines in her cheeks from the plaster, and just looking at them pisses him off.

He longs to protect her. Preserve her. Traditions instilled in him from a young, spongey brained age where women were meant for less brutal fates than men guide him and probably always will.

It’s why he feels guilty for killing the young assassin, and he’s certain that was the ultimate goal of her employer. Insidious bullshit.

Someone means to expose his soft underbelly, and they’re doing a fucking fantastic job, because here she is, silky and open and raw, snoozing on his chest.

He smooths his palm up and down her spine, hoping to be soft enough to keep her in the land of dreams, but she stirs.

“Shh,” he says, running fingers lightly over the bottom of her hand to the point of her elbow.

“I think you’re bad at keeping someone asleep.” Her smile is against his chest, and he grins back.

“I can get worse.”

She nuzzles, tired giggles prickling his skin. “Did you take your medicine yet, Johnathan ?”

“No nurse. I was waiting for you to wake up and feed it to me.”

She goes to get up and do just that, but he tugs her back down. “Where you going?”

She looks confused. Adorable. He tips her chin up to admire how pretty she is. “To get… your pills.” Wearing a goofy grin.

He kisses it away. “You think I’m actually going to take them?”

He’s kidding, but her immediate reaction - shock, anger, determination - makes the joke worthwhile.

She opens her mouth to either scold him or appeal to his rationality, but he starts laughing.

“Okay, you suck,” she grumbles, poking his ribs.

He kisses her - again. She tries to say something else, but he shuts her up with his mouth. Then more. Grabs her, drags her up so he doesn’t have to lean down to get to her lips.

She cradles his head while he holds her hips and pulls her closer, on top.

“Oh, Johnny,” she coos, hands massaging his scalp.

The big tiger vibrates, closes his eyes and thrums in pleasure.

She kisses his mouth, then his cheeks, his jaw, his neck, his collar, hiccups a squealing noise into the dip of his throat when his hand gives her butt a tap.

“Couldn’t resist,” he admits, smoothing over the sore, cherry love mark, pulling fabric up over the naked bottom of her ass.

“No, I like it.” Her voice is muffled, mouth busy with the skin where his neck meets his shoulder.

“Do you?” He teases, giving her another playful slap.

She repays this with a sharp bite over his deltoid.

He tucks her in and rolls over, causing a little cloud of air to puff from her chest in an ‘oof.’

He pats her cheek. “You okay, baby?”

He might be a big dog who gets too excited and knocks her over, but she adores him. Pretty melted caramel eyes steeped in sunlight promise safety - shelter from anyone and anything - and she believes them.

She kisses his bottom lip, pushes his hair back. “I’m fine. You’re not so scary.”

He bites the space between them, feigning a purposeful, hungry growl, inducing adorable, nervous giggles from his prey.

Any starving wolf would be far too weak to resist sinking their teeth into her throat. He’s no exception.

Kisses like fire wherever he goes, her skin on fire, everything on fire. Chest, brain, guts, lower, more intimate, the swirl of his tongue and suck of his mouth.

He’s on the pad of her fingers, lapping happily and biting the insides of her wrists, hands walking down her sides into places that make her writhe.

Reluctance to have his mouth on her is long gone, because she needs him. Needs that sloppy wet lick on her clit instead of her elbow crease.

He props himself on one arm, kisses her sensitive nipples, then replaces his lips with his thumb and proves he can have more effect on her without even touching her. Because he sucks the digit into his mouth, obscene and plopping, wetting it up for no reason other than to make her whole being clench and falter, and presses it against her already wet enough cunt.

Oh no, she cannot watch that little grin spread while he sinks into slick velvet folds and finds her nerve rich pearl.

She pulses around him, whine high and tight in her throat as his index finger traverses the soft gap between her clit and her entrance. He’s attentive, touching and flicking and pinching the way she likes, rubbing languid circles over her tight opening until it’s attempting to swallow him up.

“John.” Her voice threads with a little madness, frustration so apparent on both sets of puffy, swollen lips.

“I know, baby, I’m gonna make you cum,” he assures, resisting the suck of her little cunt. “Ask me nice.”

It’s not hard to beg him when she’s so pent up she could die. “John, will you make me come, please?”

So polite, just like her hole when it invites his finger in. Her gspot is easy to find, all swollen and popping and begging - helpless little sponge that’s going to be her unraveling. He works over it gently, letting her tremble on the wandering callous, then hooks his finger on the back and curls. Soft, kneading, working at it like a sore muscle, building a bright white warmth that floods every inch of her.

“Oh, fuck,” she says. He kisses the tears off the fat of her breasts.

“You’ve been neglecting this,” he admonishes, rubbing, smiling.

She nods, uhhuh, sticky cries drowning out the squelch of a happy pussy.

“Need you to tell me how that feels, honey.”

She tries to say, “good.”

“You want my cock and can’t even take my fingers?” He tsks. “Silly girl.”

Too soon she’s ready to convulse on his hand, and she tells him this, almost too late, struggling to get anything out of her mouth besides lewd sobs.

“Cum for me, my love,” he whispers, right on her throat, not thinking about the weight of those words - not consciously, anyway.

Luckily, she’s too busy to care right now.

Oh. They should have put a towel down.

She’s coming, moaning loud enough for the neighbors to use as an alarm clock, she’s… crying? Whimpering - fat beads of salt and bitten off mewls.

“Why?” He asks, kissing and tasting her tears. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” she chokes.

“Tell me,” he insists, persistent and soft, rubbing down her hair and back, holding a little too tight. He untucks his fingers from her carefully.

“Because I am scared.”

“I’m telling you, be afraid if you want to be afraid of me. Feel what you feel. It’s okay.”

“But you don’t really want me to be afraid of you..”

“Maybe at first, but not now. Every emotion you feel, I want it. Every thought you have, whether it be that I’m a monster or a hero - I don’t give a damn - I want it. Because, no matter what you think of me, I’ll still want you just as bad.”

“John-“

“Be afraid, it won’t change the way I feel about you.” He cups her cheeks, kisses her head. “It won’t change.” His eyes are leaden anchors to her tiny tugboat heart.

She grasps his wrists, leans in to kiss his palms, the pad of his thumb.

He presses her back against the sheets, rests his head against her own, and lets her mouth make its way over each tip of his fingers.

“I hate myself,” she tells him.

“Tell me why,” he asks, palm smoothing her chest.

“Because I’m not afraid for other people’s lives, anymore. This entire time, I’ve been selfish and awful. I’m afraid for me.”

He nods. “That’s okay, honey, told you that was okay.”

“But I’m not afraid of you, John.”

His brows furrow.

“I’m afraid you’re going to leave me. It’s all I can think about.” Embarrassment turns her eyes away.

He almost grins. “That is a ridiculous fear.”

She stops, her voice muffled by his ring finger. “And why is that?”

“You should be more afraid of the opposite,” he tells her, casting shudders through her skin with that dropped tone at her hairline.

“Of you not leaving me?” She asks, trying to breathe while he circles his fingers around her nipples.

“Of you ever leaving me.” He nips at her ear, rolls his tongue down the side of her neck. “And then me finding you. Because I will, sweet girl, I will find you.” Her hands latch onto his hair while he kisses over the tops of her breasts, flays her open, sucks more bruises into her as if she hasn’t had enough already.

“And when I find you,” he whispers against her shoulder, “I will lock you up and keep you all to myself, and there will be nowhere to run, and no one to save you from me.”

“Oh,” she says, although it comes out more like a strangled little ah, and then another, soft and desperate,

“Ah, ah.”

When he finds her now shy clit and forces it to re-socialize with his fingers.

“Let me taste this,” he demands, trekking over engorged, slippery places. “I’m gonna fucking die if I don’t taste your pussy.”

“Just go slow,” she asks.

He’s more than happy to oblige.

By the time he’s done kissing and licking every inch of her upper body, tormenting already sore skin, she’s a fucking mess again, pleading for something, anything. Always begging for him, needing more, desperate and whiny and he loves it.

His mouth, her thighs, back of her knees, making her twitch and moan, down each calf again, and fuck this man, fuck his sly grin, fuck his greedy lips kissing her heels, the tops of her feet, then her curling toes.

And has she ever been too turned on to be ticklish?

She has now.

“C‘Mon, John,” she says, and gets a big bite on the fat of her inner thigh as reward.

He’s beginning to realize that he really does like her bruised rather than not.

He huffs a laugh onto the fuzzy mound of her cunt, makes her hips come off the bed before he quiets them back down. Kisses each crease where plump, more delicate flesh meets strong, tensing thigh.

In here, the warm hallmark movie between her thighs where everything is sweet and right and good, he settles and kisses.

“John please-“

“Don’t even know what you’re begging for,” he muses, teasing the twitching, silk folds protecting her clit.

She grabs his hair and pushes his face into her cunt. He obliges, delighted by this, nose nuzzling her clit.

The vague thought of smothering him makes her loosen up a little, that and the fact he’s licking at her entrance, swallowing her cum, and it’s way too much all at once.

Dying drowned in her pussy would be a preferable and honorable end.

He grabs her hands, kisses her palms, runs his tongue over the lined tissues and makes her glare and snarl. He clicks at her, easy little beast, placing both hands at her sides. “Gonna tell me what feels good?” He asks, knuckles spreading her open.

“Yeah,” she whines, eyes teary and beautiful.

His cock makes a vehement, demanding request, threatening carefully crafted patience and virtue. But, maybe he wants to keep her like this forever and edge them both so much that that’s all they can think about - fucking and tasting and touching eachother.

She wouldn’t run away, then.

“Brace yourself,” he tells her, cuddling his face into her cunt.

This clit has been pampered and sheltered and spoiled its entire life. It gets whatever it wants. Never pestered too much, never daring to ask for more orgasms than one. Snuggly in its home, getting ready to retire, peeping out to look as if his mouth is some terrifying, alluring beast. Never pushed beyond its limits, safe and comfortable. It has a rude awakening.

Too much pressure on the head makes her clamp around him hard enough that he’s worried she might actually bust a blood vessel.

He quiets her, patting and rubbing her stomach, sloppy wet kisses to the top of her slit.

“You’re so sensitive,” he says, like he’s trying to think of a solution rather than tease her about it.

She fists the sheets hard enough to make her wrists pop. “Sorry.”

John laughs. He can’t help it. He kisses her clit, warms it with his breath, fingers coaxing at her spasming opening to get her distracted enough that he can carefully lick off to the side she prefers.

He tries a different finger inside, fucking into her with a gentle rhythm. Then, squeezes another against it. She feels so full with two stocky digits that she’s wondering how exactly she is going to take the beast between his legs.

Nice and slow, balls of warmth popping one by one inside of her, up her spine, through her bowed shoulders, inside her mushy brain. Her shy little clit comes around, asking for more attention, greedy and blushing and cuddling up to his tongue.

He cages her in his lips, sucks, just a little, and gently pushes her hips back down when they cant off the bed.

“Easy,” he murmurs, lapping up her slick, spitting globs of it back. Bed’s already ruined, might as well be sloppy.

He’s so, so gentle. Slurping and spitting and groaning and swallowing until he matches the sweet decibel of her cries.

He trades mouth and hand, burying his face deeper into her to tongue fuck the gooey, clenching hole - use the tip to greet her gspot while his fingers work her clit.

He comes up for air, wiping at his face and licking the cum off his lips. She whines, clit pulsing, whoring itself out on behalf of her empty hole. Once a spoiled homebody, now a desperate slut.

“You like that, huh?” He kisses her tummy.

She nods, clumsy hands trying to subtly pull him back in.

“Okay, okay,” he chuckles, “I get it.”

That’s how she comes, with his hand palming her clit and tongue flicking inside. He greedily laps her up, reluctant to waste even a dribble.

“You want another one?” He cleans her inner thighs with his mouth, lets her hold and guide his heavy head so he doesn’t tongue too rough

“I don’t think I can,” she admits, knees drooping inward.

“You can.” A kiss to her clit and she’s snapping her thighs shut. He flicks them open again.

“Sensitive,” she says. “Remember?”

If he wanted to, he could hold her down and have his fill. It’s tempting.

“John.” She clears her throat.

“Mmm?”

“You’re doing that thing with your face that makes me think you’re gonna do something bad.”

He sighs - yeah, far too readable in the company of this woman.

“I am thinking of doing something bad.” The corner of his mouth perks.

“Can we just take a break?”

It’s a battle of wills - her versus her delectable taste - and the latter is going to win if he doesn’t get his senses away from her pretty cunt soon.

But it’s not enough - it will never be enough. Not even if he spends the rest of his life buried between her plump, beautiful thighs.

She tries something else, burning hot from embarrassment. “I wanted to save some.” She feels really stupid and naive for saying so.

“You want to save some.. orgasms?” He cocks his head, lays his cheek on her soft belly, careful with the rough scruff on his face.

“I guess, yeah, that’s what I mean.”

He blinks at her. She’s far too intelligent not to know a woman can climax continuously. He kisses her skin. “I don’t understand.”

“Well,” she says, fingers on his scalp. She’s really starting to develop an unhealthy fascination with his thick, dark, Angel hair. “I was hoping we could have actual sex - not that this isn’t actual sex, and not that it’s not wonderful. Not that I’m ungrateful -“

He stops her there. “Ungrateful?” The word rolls odd in his mouth. “You think I’m doing you a favor? That I’m eating you out as a courtesy?” He’s frowning.

“Um,” she tries, struggling to make him less frustrated. But also so confused by the frustration itself.

“You know there are men - people - that like licking pussy, right?” Some little nagging fly at the back of his brain is telling him that she hasn’t had great experiences with this conversation in other relationships. That she thinks she’s unworthy of this treatment. That someone - multiple someone’s - made her feel inferior and undeserving and he’s a hungry, raging wildfire again. Jaw ticking, eyes narrowing, struggling to control his rage.

“I did know, but I just thought that no one -“

“Why?”

“I don’t know, John, life. People.” She looks away from him, hiding her face from his wrath. “I let it get to me. I’m not as strong as you. Not everyone likes bigger women.”

Is that what this world has reduced her to? Is that the way she sees herself? Unworthy because of something as ridiculous as the size and shape of her body? Is this what it comes down to? The rest of him might be seething, but his chest aches. He reaches up to cradle her face. “Honey..” But what can he say? What undoes years of abuse? Something that would be more effective than talking, surely: burning the world down around her and proving that she’s the only beautiful thing left. That she is the center, the focal point of this universe, and should be heralded by every god of every religion. She is the goodness in this wretched place, the light that warms the dying earth. And she thinks that she’s unworthy because she has fat?

Someone will pay for this. Someone will bleed for this.

Her eyes close against the soothing rumble of his voice, and she takes a shaky breath to avoid weeping. Her cheeks are already so, so sore.

John moves so that he’s holding her again, arms wrapped around her waist, chin on top of her head, thighs supporting her lower half. He doesn’t know what the fuck to say to make this better. He wants to call Winston and make him say something to make this better. He wants to be Winston - which is such a ridiculous thought - so that he can have the right words to settle her soul.

“When I was younger,” he tells her, trying anyway, rubbing little circles on her tummy, “I was reckless. I thought that things like sex, drugs, and money could satisfy me. I wanted to find comfort where other people in my cohort seemed to find it. I was so empty and numb that immersing myself in any distraction was preferable.”

“Did it help?”

“It never does. Not for me, and not for anyone I know.”

“You did drugs?” She tries to imagine that and fails.

“Yeah. Lots of them. You get off a job, you go to a brothel, you eat cocaine for breakfast, wash it down with a bottle.”

“That kinda rhymed.”

“Dr. Seuss, watch your back.”

She giggles.

“I’ve slept with all kinds of different people.”

“Men?”

“Almost.”

He can tell she wants to hear that story, but he’ll save it for another time. “And I learned quickly if I wasn’t emotionally attracted to that person, I was inept.”

“Unable to perform?” She starts playing with his fingers.

“Uh-huh. So, instead of going through the trouble, I learned how to give head. Back alleys, broom closets, ratty blankets under desert skies, you get the gist.” He repositions her so he can kiss her ear and neck.

Under desert skies sounds appealing. He’s silent for a minute, so she has to say something because it’s too good to pass up. “You know you’re one of those perfect, dream guys, right John?” She rolls her eyes, not being sarcastic even the slightest bit.

He laughs and digs his fingers into her sides to stop her talking, pulling her back as she tries to claw away.

“Stop it,” he tells her, kissing her temple. “I loved doing it. I still love doing it. The sound of music? Familiar?”

She nods. “A few of my favorite things?”

“Yeah, if I had to sing mine, I’d be kicked out of the production and charged with sexual harassment.”

He makes her laugh that beautiful, melodic laugh, and feels way too proud about it.

“The moral of my story is that you’re getting eaten up as often as I can manage, baby. So, you better get used to my tongue.”

She tries to shyly bury her head into the pillow, but he brings her back with a persistent hand on her chin. “Wait, so does that mean you don’t like me - emotionally? That you can’t have sex with me?”

He’s about to gulp her earlobe into his mouth, but stops. And here he was thinking he was getting better at this talking thing. He huffs. “Did you have my cock in your pretty mouth?”

“Uh, yeah.” She squirms, suddenly not hating the idea of him between her legs again.

“Was I soft?”

“No.” Definitely not .

He hums and flicks her ear with his tongue.

“So, can we have sex?” She tries, voice faltering.

“I want that to be under different circumstances.”

“Like what?”

“Something special. A surprise.”

His penchant for romance gets her flushing harder than his mouth. “When?” She asks quietly, impatiently. “Why?”

“I’m a ceremonial person,” he says simply.

“I’m not. I don’t need ceremony or anything like that, John, I’m fine with doing this right now.” She tries to press into him, but he puts his hand on her lower back and stalls her.

“Is this all because of what I said about emotional attraction?”

She groans in frustration, wiggles around, fights his heavy limbs, manages to turn and face him. “No, John.” She looks up into his pretty eyes. “It’s because I’ve wanted you inside me since the first night we met.”

He barely has time to register what he himself is doing, so it must be a big surprise for her when he slams their hips together and she feels his cock pressing up against her naked cunt. It hurts a little bit, but that’s okay because the only thing separating his beautiful girth from where she wants it is the flaps of a robe. She grinds into him, but he stills her with a little grunt.

“You know,” he smiles, nuzzling her nose while his cock mimics the motion into the crease of her pussy. “You seem so innocent, but you’re a little siren, hm?”

He’s going to give in, he already knows it. That weekend getaway he was to start planning is going to have to happen without the sentiment of first love making. How can he resist her, though? With her half lidded eyes peeking at him beneath fluttering lashes, that little opening of her mouth, the way she feels so soft and soaked - he’s been wrong about something; it doesn’t matter if there are other gods, because she is the only one he wants to worship.

“Only for you, John,” she breathes, arching her back and plopping her tits out and tugging his robe open. “Only for you.”

She makes it so he’s under her, climbs into his lap and watches his jaw clank, hands fist the bed sheets, nose flare. She fits herself over his cock, grinding the bulky soft head on her clit, smiling at him like he’s the center of her world.

That leaking ego she’s growing shows a little.

“I don’t know if you know this,” she says, “but you are beautiful.”

His hands come off the bed to grab at her, flip her over and shove himself inside, but he stops himself. Somehow.

She flinches a little, bites her lip and watches his hands drop to the bed again. “Am I frustrating you, Johnny?”

Oh, now she’s just pushing her fucking luck.

He levels a mean grin at her. “Yes. You are.”

There’s a threat in there somewhere. It sends a prickly thrill across her shoulders. “Payback.”

He moves his hands again, quick, making her flinch away and screech, grabbing her wrists softly and laying them on his chest.

“Why are you evil?” She asks, voice choked up with the new found pressure on all her sensitive bits.

“Thought I was your hero,” he retorts, voice only a little more controlled than her own.

“Semantics.”

He chuckles.

“Okay, I’m gonna -“ she puts her hand between them, grips him, positions so that he’s right at her entrance. “I’m gonna do this.”

“You’ve got this,” he assures, trying not to move his hips, using every cell in his body to focus on not hurting her.

“I’m just gonna-“ she pushes, little opening swallowing the very round top.

“Yeah, I’m here for you,” he nods, grits his teeth, “proud. That’s it, fucking beautiful.”

He makes her laugh, push a little further onto him, suck him up inside just tiny bits at a time. “Oh, that’s a lot.” Leans down, stalls, adjusts. “That’s a lot.”

He brings his hand up to cradle her face. “You’re doing such a good job, baby.”

She sinks deeper and they both stop breathing, hanging on to the other for dear life.

Someone knocks on the door.

“Fucking Christ. What?!”

She’s never seen him lose his temper quite like this, and all while he’s halfway into splitting her apart.

“John.” It’s Marcus. “Maria put the hit out.”

He looks like he doesn’t believe any word of that.

“Who’s Maria?” She asks.

He answers Marcus first, “check again.” He’s softer for her. “Owner of the El Paso Continental.”

“It was her, John.”

“I’ll just talk to her myself.”

“You can’t.” A hollow wooden sound like he’s lightly hitting the door.

“I can.”

“No, you can’t, because she’s dead.”

// art cred: Sakura

[natasha-in-space]

Alright, I'm gonna babble a bit on my thoughts and observations with the magnificent CG's we got for the Choi boys' birthday this year 'round! And, boy, what beautiful CG's they are. I acknowledge that some had problems with them, but I honestly couldn't be happier. Both of them made me feel giddy for two days in a row! The artist did a fantastic job, and it's a treat to still get some new content from Cheritz. Now, let's start with Saeyoung!

God, do I adore the soft, domestic feel of this one. It's peaceful, intimate, and tender in a way that sharing a special moment with the one you love is. I am a sucker for simple domestic moments of romance, so even I admittedly swooned at this one!

Since it's dark outside, we have two options. It's either a small private celebration between you two after he spent the day with his brother and RFA, or you're congratulating him as soon as the clock strikes midnight. I find both options equally sweet and fitting! Either way, you are sharing a small private moment with him, with just you two for a small while. I believe he would be deeply grateful for that.

It looks like he's gotten himself a place out in the city! Isn't that a lovely thing to see? I do think he'll keep his bunker, whether it's for potential emergencies or just for safekeeping, but I always loved the idea of Saeyoung creating a new home for himself, however that may look like. It is logical for his new apartment to have large windows that are high enough to see the night sky. It's very much Saeyoung. And it's very much Saeran, too! During the day, Saeran enjoys the warm sunlight and vast clouds, while Saeyoung enjoys looking at the stars and teaching you about space at night.

He made sure his new home had windows because his bunker didn't have any. A reminder of his new freedom to live out a peaceful life with his family without needing to look over his shoulder at every step.

We have some gifts laid out in the background! The interpretation of whether this is from you, Saeran, or RFA is up to you. I like the latter option. It does make you think what kind of gifts would everyone prepare for him! Lots of funny and/or sweet ideas to think about.

There are also lots of frames hung up on the wall and laid out on the shelves. It made me giggle. Because of course, Saeyoung would litter his home with photos of you once he gets the freedom to do so. It's even a bit excessive, but how can you complain? This man was terrified of having evidence of his own existence out in the world for years. Not to mention that he was not allowed to have any reminders of the people he loved, as he was afraid of their safety.

Of course, he will make sure to surround himself with reminders of a brighter future now that he can. Selfies with you, photos of Saeran reading a book or cooking, and outings with the RFA. All such precious moments he doesn't want to take for granted.

As many have already pointed out, the cake is from Saeran! Ain't that sweet? The first time I noticed it, I glowed with joy because I adore the idea of Saeran making something by hand for his older brother. Saeyoung was always the giver and protector in their relationship, back when they were kids... Now, they can start over with more balance. And Saeran can also take care of his brother. I can't help but think of him spending hours in the kitchen, making sure everything is perfect, and that's just... so damn heartwarming. I love these two and their love for each other. They deserve to be together without fear.

@marshmallowprotection went over the details of the cake very thoroughly in her post, so I won't go over it personally, but, oh my God, of course Saeran would put in small meaningful details into his cake. It's so much like him. From the flowers to cherries and whatever that is written in that envelope. I am certain that Saeyoung will likely shed tears upon reading it. Heck, Saeran can just scribble out a big 'Happy birthday Hyung :)' on there, and it'll make him cry just as much.

Saeyoung is unfamiliar with being taken care of or appreciated. It will take him some time to stop getting emotional over the smallest things when it comes to his family.

Speaking about the CG as a whole, I love how relaxed and tender he looks. It's nothing fancy, just a black shirt and jeans. That's what makes it so soft and domestic for me. It's just you and Saeyoung. In your home. Being together and cherishing each other. And that's better than any grand display.

We get to see more of Saeyoung's arms!!! I always love when they splice up some things that are very much true to canon. While it doesn't make any sense at all to make Yoosung or Saeran muscular jocks, it's very much in line with Saeyoung. It's easy for those arms to lift you up and hold you tight! I also actually like that he's visibly broad in here. I know it's not everyone's interpretation, but it makes him actually look, y'know, older. Even though he'll be 21 forever, it's pleasant to imagine him in his late twenties or early thirties. I know most of my guy friends got very broad in the shoulders once they hit their middle twenties lmao

I also very like MC's dress. It's super cute and comfortable. And that watch on Saeyoung's wrist? Another nice touch. I don't know why, but I always pictured him into watches lol. Mostly because he seems to have a soft spot for anything technical. It's easy to see him being fascinated by the inner workings of different watch models. He's such a nerd (affectionate)

Look at that giddy smile! He's such a cutie. Love to see him be all happy like that. Also his hair is once again super red. I'm telling you, it changes color depending on his mood. It's my biggest theory in whole MM storyline/j

AND NOW ONTO THE MAN HIMSELF, THE ONE I'VE BEEN BENDING MY KNEE FOR EVER SINCE I SAW HIM, THE ONE I IMPLODED MY DM'S OVER-

Ahem

Yes. We got an actual official Unknown/MC CG. The fandom exploded. I know I saw it, I know you saw it, we all saw it. Unknown took the fandom by storm, and he knows it. Look at that smirk. I even saw quite a few old MM artists thinking of coming back just because of him lmao

That's the power this man holds.

Alright, my incessant ramblings aside, this CG looks absolutely ethereal. And it's pretty much intentional. Goes in line with Unknown's aesthetic, too. I know we all love to lovingly call him the king of edge that he is, but from what we see of him? He'll probably put you in something similar. He is your guardian angel, after all. The one who will lead you to a true paradise you couldn't even hope to reach by yourself. He is your loving shepherd, and you are his precious lamb.

The placement of Unknown in such a graceful environment makes sense.

So, Unknown's cake has strawberries AND blueberries on it. No wonder many people instantly remembered the birthday CG from two years ago! It's a nice and interesting comeback. Once again, redirecting you to @marshmallowprotection analysis post for the in-depth on it, because she lays it out beautifully! I'll just say that it's intriguing to note that besides strawberries, blueberries appear to be another confirmed favorite of Saeran's. I know I love my blueberries.

Here's to hoping that this is a fake cake, because if I see food drowning like that, I would riot, no matter how beautiful and enticing Unknown may look 😔 You're eating that cake, mister! You are not wasting it for a pretty aesthetic!! It also begs the question who made the cake in the first place, and Kait puts out a very interesting thought that this is, in fact, a photoshoot. It's also comforting to think that MC was behind it. Just because I'm a sucker for the idea of Unknown getting spoiled for once in his lifetime. He also seemed to be rather yearning in his birthday chats that you can purchase, so it's a sweet thought for me.

MC is absolutely gorgeous here. I have zero complaints. Unknown is one lucky man, and he knows it. Her skin is perfectly complimented by that shade of pink, and she looks like a nymph or something. I also love how flowy the dress is. You can just tell how soft that fabric is to the touch, and I am on my knees both for this MC and the artist for all their hard work. Also!!! MC has an actual eye visible for once! Always a nice and rare surprise.

The dress is pretty revealing, too, and I couldn't stop giggling once I actually noticed that. What can I say? Unknown knows his tastes, and I sure respect him for that. As I said in another post, her lap is definitely not the only thing he lays his head on, and I am, frankly, jealous of him.

All that to say.... guys. MC is just a stand-in. She doesn't look like 90% of the player base. Heck, I look nothing like this MC! Please don't be discouraged just by how she appears in certain CG's! There are plenty of guys, queer folks and women who look nothing like her, who love and adore Saeran as a character. And you know what? All of you would be loved and appreciated by Saeran. Whatever weight, whatever gender, whatever skin color you are. Your own unique appearance will make you just as ethereal next to him. Because it's you.

Saeran has the same love for you as you have for him. Unknown included!

Now onto the man himself..... God.... how gorgeous he is...... I know I felt like I was falling in love with him all over again when I saw him, pfft-

Who is Unknown without his belts and chokers? Once again, Unknown knows what he likes, and I respect the hell out of it. You go king!

Need I say that they gave him freaking EARRINGS???? I know I wouldn't be freaking out about that as much, if it wasn't a fan thing for years. And now he gets the earrings we all knew he deserves in canon. Life could be a dream.

He also has a cross. Which is a rather... interesting choice. Once again, @marshmallowprotection goes over it in detail in her post. Another fun personal interpretation I had (bc I love giving a darker vibe to things) is that perhaps this image is taken after Saeyoung got captured by Mint Eye. Unknown takes and wears his brother's cross as a mockery of his brother's faith and as a declaration of his triumph. I must say, though, that's, like.... 99% not what is intended here, and just my personal fun musings.

I also find it both hot and hilarious that Unknown has his shirt open like that. He saw his brother's CG and went: 'oh hell no, I can do better'. He's so extra, and I adore him. I also don't think he's muscular here???? He's not depicted as broad or buff. I think people just misinterpret the art style a bit. He doesn't really have any prominent muscle here, and it looks significantly different to Saeyoung's CG. I think the artist just either didn't have much time to flesh it out (an issue Kait goes in detail over), or they had trouble with depicting what they wanted to depict. Or I'm just talking out of my ass here, and they really did make him jacked, but my eyes will continue to willfully choose to not see that 😔

All that to say, I definitely went feral over this guy showing so much skin, and the desire to BITE is strong with this one.

He'll be on my mind first the rest of the year. What an absolute treat.

It's so much like Unknown to be all snazzy and cordial with you. I love how they showcased his mannerisms here. It's irrelevant whether you interpret it as cunning or genuinely affectionate here. That smirk is very much Unknown, and we all know it. I wanna smooch his cheeks so bad. Kait also went over the flower analysis in her post, so I highly advice you to check it out!!

In summary, I couldn't be happier with what we got this year. This is everything I ever wanted and more. Will be definitely writing individual pieces for these, because how can I not?

[to-the-stars8]

If you do song inspired fics could i pretty please with a cherry on top have fem MC x beautiful doctor Julian inspired by Too sweet - Hozier

Me falling head first back into the arcana fandom has happened at the same time as me rediscovering my love for Hozier and that song just gives me such Julian vibes for some reason

I hope you have a lovely weekend 💘

(PS your other Julian fic made me want to rip my own heart out and stomp on it so i applaud you)

My job, as an author, anon, is to make sure I break your heart every once in a while so I am happy to hear my job was well done lol! And now is no different! This came out kind of angsty because of my interpretation of the song, hopefully, it's somewhat what you were looking for! I do hope to hear if you liked it, my love! Also thank you for reading my story, and hope you have a lovely/fantastic weekend yourself ❤️❤️❤️

I digress, so here is your lovely story!

You believed Julian Devorak was an easy man to read. That, despite all the times he would say he was a dangerous deviant, the truth always revealed that he was a good person. Troubled? Of course, but there were few people you knew who could not say the same. Perhaps it was the rough way he lived or the stories he would tell you that made you yearn for him. Endless were the nights where you stared at the ceiling recalling moments with him that seemed too real to be written off as mere fantasies. In these moments, you would call him by another name, “Ilya.” You liked the way it danced off your tongue and how sweet it tasted. 

One day, when Asra had left for another one of his adventures, Julian had entered the shop. You were nervous and ecstatic all at the same time. The night before you had gathered the courage to finally reveal how you felt about him, and this was the opportunity that fell right into your lap. 

Closing the shop, you ushered him to the kitchen with a smile. He sat at the table, looking intently at the wood, before asking how your day was. Smiling, you said, “Very well! I have gotten so much done this morning. You’ve arrived just in time, too, I was just about to have lunch. Are you hungry?”

Julian shook his head, and you noted that he seemed a bit quiet himself. You tried to not let the silence tug at your nervousness before turning your attention to making some tea instead. You felt more at ease with your hands busy. 

Despite the busy hands, you could feel butterflies erupt in your stomach so you finally blurted out how you felt. It was a rush of words that tumbled into one long, hardly cohesive sentence. All thoughts about lunch and tea were forgotten.

“I…I like you, Julian,” You said, finally finishing. “Very much so.”

When Julian looked at you, he saw memories that he could not quite place—Back when he was a different man. A better man. These memories, if he could even call them that since fantasy and reality had become muddled over the years, were sweet. He recalled a night with your skin against his, breathing each other in as if there were only you two in the world. Every time he closed his eyes to recall it, his heart ached for the feeling again. Yet, he couldn’t seek it out. 

As much as he was in love with the evocation, he could not drag you down into this whiskey-neat life of his. It might have been nice on the tongue for a while, but, ultimately, it was the type of influence he would not put anyone else under. You were good. Too good. Your personality was like candy, sweet to the core with an even more rich innermost part. Years had passed and, along with parts of the past, he couldn’t recall the days he lived now. All Ilya knew was that his nights were late, filled with the taste of bitter liqueur, and his days spent trying to recall what or who he had done. 

So, when you stood before him, eyes filled with intoxicating sweetness, with words of love dripping from your lips he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Did he lead you on somehow? Lull you into a false sense of goodness that made him worthy of any of your affection? You were too good for him, high on the good parts of life, and he had no plans to change into that any time soon. 

“I’m…erm,” Julian tried to clear his throat to get the words out. He saw the way your face fell, and it broke his heart. “I’m sorry.”

You turned away, hands going to the teapot on the stove, voice shaky, you replied, “I…I understand.”

Julian could hear that you didn’t believe your words, so he got up to make you look at him. There were tears in your eyes and Ilya wiped them away with his thumbs. 

Trying to smile, he explained himself. “Erm, uh, how do I say this?” After another moment, Julian decided it would be best to just get out rather than try to be nice about it. “Damn it, you deserve the world, beauty, and I do not wish to burden that comfortable world of yours.”

You stepped back, eyes looking everywhere but at him. Thinning your lips, you finally looked at him. “What makes you think you would be a burden?”

“Love, look how you live, it’s comfortable. Magical, truthfully. How I live is, uh, nothing of the sort. You wouldn’t want to have such a life,” He said. 

“I would,” You were quick to say. “If it was with you, Ilya, I would.”

Ilya, the way you said his name was a candy he could get addicted to. Shaking his head in an attempt to get the thought of you out, he decided it would be best to double down on the decision—whether or not it broke your heart or his. 

Finally, when you had enough of his explanation, you refused to let him speak anymore. Somehow, he found that worse than if you had told him you didn’t have feelings for him at all. Still, he relented since it was exactly what he had asked for. It was bitter-sweet to part with you in such a way. He could continue to drown his sorrows until dawn, and you could wake at that time without a worry about him.

When the door to the shop closed behind him, Julian looked at the Vesuvian streets and decided quickly it would be a night he would drown in a pint, just as the night before.

[deityoftherain]

good enough - Scott Angst SL Fanfic [w/Scottpulse+Gem&TheScotts]

Rating: Teen

Relationship: M/M, Gen

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Status: Completed Oneshot

Word Count: 5,036

Summary: Scott has a mental breakdown while the Secret Life server is on break between sessions, his mind spiraling and reflecting on both current and previous games. Impulse goes to check on him and bring him the comfort he so desperately craves.

Full fanfic underneath the cut! Please reblog, leave kudos on the AO3 fic slash notes/likes here on Tumblr, comment either place, and etc if you enjoy the story :D

“Oh, what a fantastic session!” Gem exclaimed, almost giddy as she threw her arms up into the air. She spun on her heel, the motion seamlessly transitioning into her flopping down on the cherry wood seats by the fire. “This is so much fun, honestly, I- I’m so happy Grian let me join officially this season.”

Scott had used some of their extra wool to create cushions for them to sit on, so that helped break her fall. If it hurt, she didn’t show it, so Scott chose to believe he simply did an efficient enough job. Good. That means he was useful, making his teammates more comfortable. It wasn’t much, but it would have to be enough. For now, anyway. He would figure out more ways to improve their base, and to help ensure Gem and Impulse get far.

“Me too,” Impulse agreed with a nod, grin wide. “It was about time Geminislay entered the race.”

Gem flashed him a smile that only had the slightest glint of bloodlust within it. “Glad to know someone agrees.”

Secret Life, as they’ve been calling it, was Gem’s first official game. She had taken over for a session in Limited Life while Cleo recovered from a bug in their code, but she has never experienced a game start to finish like the rest of them have. She wasn’t used to– let alone prepared for– the outright chaos and bloodshed of everyone being Red, of everyone who was left fighting desperately to be the last one standing.  

Gem would be able to hold her own; she was a skilled fighter. She’s proven that so far, even with the curveball of regeneration being turned off this time around. She’s gotten hurt and lost hearts, sure, all of them have, but she was doing really well considerably. Scott was impressed, but not surprised. He always knew she would thrive if she were to ever join these games.

That didn’t mean the big brother in him was happy.

The big brother in him despised that she was there. The big brother in him wanted to hide her away and let no one come near. The big brother in him wanted to hold her back, keep the situation in his control, and protect Gem from the parts that weren’t as fantastic.

As much as Scott wanted to comply, he loved Gem too much to let his protective instincts take control like that. She wasn’t a little kid anymore– hadn’t been for awhile now– and she didn’t deserve to have him hovering and preventing her from playing the game just like everyone else. Void knows that Scott wouldn’t have appreciated someone doing that to him his first game, back in Third Life. She didn’t need to be babied like that, and he knew it would feel patronizing. 

But she’s never experienced the bloodlust that comes with going Red. Scott chewed on his lower lip, keeping his head low. What if it’s too much for her?

Scott managed his bloodlust with grace, the urge more of an annoying yet distant jittery feeling in the back of his mind. Many others didn’t have the same level of control as he did when it came to being Red. What if she’s more like Joel? What if she gets too reckless? What if-?

Scott physically shook the thoughts out of his mind, dismissing the obsessive worry and ordering his body to relax. It would be okay. Gem was strong and more than capable in her own right. Scott would simply do all he could to aid in her success, like he did for all his teammates, and not go into the overbearingly excessive territory. Easy, right?

“Hey, Scott,” Gem pulled him out of his thoughts, concern furrowing her brow. “Are you okay? You’ve been weirdly quiet.”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Scott stopped fiddling with the sleeve of the translucent blue jacket he tied around his waist, flashing her what was meant to be a reassuring smile, a silent promise that she didn’t have to worry. Hypocrite. “Just tired.”

“Mm, okay,” Gem accepted without argument, though she didn’t seem fully convinced. Impulse shot him a concerned glance as well, but Gem pulled his attention back by continuing whatever conversation they were in before.

Scott didn’t pay attention to what they were discussing, hoping it wasn’t things he needed to know. If it was important, hopefully they’ll mention it later. Instead, he inwardly scolded himself for drawing attention to himself in the first place. His anxiety was getting the better of him, and he hated it. I’m a better actor than this! 

He’s dealt with anxiety for as long as he could remember, but he knew how to cope. He did! He actually knew how to cope quite well, if he did say so himself. Scott doubted that most of the other Players even knew he had an anxiety disorder literally ingrained in his code! It wasn’t like it was something they could see, most of the symptoms being something he’s learned to mask over the years. It was fine.

Scott was generally confident, charismatic, and self-assured. He transferred his anxious tendencies into preparation and identifying where things could improve. He had made his anxiety into a tool rather than a hindrance, though it would occasionally become too much and overtake his every thought.

Like right now.

Like when Gem was involved.

He would never voice such a thing, of course. Gem deserved to shine in her own right, not be forced into his shadow or controlled like she was his puppet. It was fine. Everything was fine.

Scott was a past winner, and he knew that had weight to it. He won Last Life, and there was a trend of his past allies making it to victory. People noticed that. People called it out. It was… a lot of pressure. He never intended to become– or, at least, viewed as– somewhat of a good luck charm.

Perhaps they noticed the trend because Scott was extremely loyal to those who managed to get on his good side, perhaps to a fault. Perhaps it was simply because he was useful, a team player, and wanted things to ultimately be fair. He didn’t play dirty, and people respected that. But that was all it was, right? What if none of his allies win. Would people turn their backs to him? Would he suddenly not be enough?

Scott did– and does– all he can to help his team. He worked diligently to aid them in any way he could to give them more time, to prolong how long their lives lasted, to get them all as far in the game as he could manage. I’m enough, I’m enough, I’m good enough, I–

So, yes, he was a good ally to have, but Scott never wanted his efforts to outshine the ones that won. The winners didn’t win because Scott looked their way, no, of course not! They won because they earned it. Scott’s contributions were equivalent to what any other good teammate would do. He didn’t win their games for them, dictating their every move. Gem deserved a chance to do the same. She had every right to fight hard and strive to win, no matter how dangerous or deadly it became.

That didn’t mean it was easy to accept, however.

Scott’s stomach seemed to somehow tighten, do flips, and turn into a gaping ravine all at the same time. It was nauseating, leaving him achy and just wanting to cry. He squeezed his eyes closed, attempting to push the tears that threatened to spill away.

Try as he might, it was useless. A singular tear ran down his cheek, slipping past the defenses he’d worked so hard to maintain. Scott wiped the tear away as soon as it appeared before promptly pushing himself up to his feet. “I’m going to go to bed.” He may have said more– or perhaps not be so blunt– if it were a regular night, but he didn’t have it in him at the moment. Scott was seconds away from breaking down, the stress becoming just too much. He made long strides from the little campfire to his private cottage. As soon as he closed the door behind him, sobs rippled through his body. Stupid, worthless, inadequate–

Scott allowed the tears to fall this time, and, as soon as he started, he couldn’t have stopped even if he wanted to. The dam had broken and it was going to spill out of him until there was nothing left to give. Scott had plenty of experience giving until he had nothing left, not even his own life…

He suppressed his verbal cries, whimpers, and wails the best he could, his body shuddering with the effort. Scott blindly stumbled forward, his vision blinded by the sheer amount of tears welling in his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he’s cried this hard while in the games.

Lies. Scott couldn’t help but correct himself, though he hated that he did. That lie was meant to be passive, a way for his brain to try and protect itself from spiraling even more, but Scott’s stream of consciousness pushed its way past the fragile barrier.

Jimmy. Scott harshly grabbed at his chest, pinching not only the crop top he wore to match the band vibes with Impulse, but the flesh underneath as well. It hurt, but the sensation was only a fraction of his pain. He barely registered the input as he grieved. I’m a widow.

And a widow he was. Scott lost, mourned, and buried his husband, back in Third Life. There was no getting what they had back. Maybe they could have continued growing their relationship, once upon a time, but Jimmy hadn’t been interested, and that was okay. It had to be okay. Even if they couldn’t be romantic– or be that close– anymore, Jimmy would still be a friend. Right? Right?

Scott had gone through heartbreak before, but that didn’t make it easier. He was a widow, and he carried that with him, even if Jimmy was still technically alive. The Jimmy on the server now wasn’t his Jimmy. His Jimmy was dead, buried on the server they played Third Life on. Jimmy himself made that clear in Limited Life.

“Scott, I’m going to give you thirty seconds to run, and go someplace else.”

Jimmy had wanted to kill him, to take his time. Scott refused, not wanting to give more of himself up, not yet. He hadn’t liked that.

“Okay…” It hurt, but Scott knew hurt. He could persist through it. “Love you!”

“Alright, have fun–”Scott frowned. He knew Jimmy didn’t consider them husbands anymore, but that didn’t mean they were nothing to each other. “Say I love you back.”“Thirty seconds.”

Jimmy never said it back. Even when Scott reminded them of what they had. He had given him a Pufferish of Peace, a reminder of good times. Jimmy lost it, didn’t know where it was, and didn’t seem to care. Scott pretended not to care as well. He tried to, at least.

Scott’s knees gave out and he collapsed to the floor. He tensed his muscles, biting down harshly on his tongue. He stayed still for a moment before shuffling to press his back against the wall beside his bed. Scott curled his hands into fists, his pink polished nails digging into his palm. He, Gem, and Impulse had painted their nails during the game’s downtime as a team bonding activity. It was Impulse’s idea, actually, and it had been… really nice.

Last Life, Scott tried to move on. He built a bigger cottagecore sort of house than he had in his and his husband’s– ex-husband’s? dead husband’s flower valley. He teamed with Pearl, and later Cleo, two of his best friends. It has been good and beautiful, and not just because he won that game.

“Yet,” Scott choked on his words, voice strained, “I fucked it up.”

I fucked it up. I fucked it up. I fucked it– his brain spiraled, regret rising like bile in his throat. When Double Life had come around, Scott had self-destructed. Foolishly self-destructed, and he hurt his friends in the process. Scott knew why he did it, but that didn’t mean he approved of his past actions. 

The why was quite simple: he had learned they were going to have soulmates this time around. Soulmates. Someone who he shared a deep connection with, something he desired so badly. Scott logically knew that the soulmates were going to be randomized and arbitrary– just another game mechanic with the deep connection being shared health– but Scott had always been a bit of a romantic. 

Okay, fine, a lot of a romantic.

It was stupid, he knew it was, but Scott had been hoping that his soulmate would have been just that: a soulmate. A romantic soulmate. Someone who he would be attached to and could love, even after death. Someone who wouldn’t leave. I don’t want to be a widow again.

When he came to the conclusion that his soulmate didn’t care like he did, by finding him, he became bitter, and maybe a bit angry. Scott cursed his rotten luck and put up walls in an attempt to guard his heart from further damage. And so, not wanting to spend the game alone, he decided to stick to what he knew. He stuck to Cleo, one of the few people Scott could count on to always be there for him if he needed it.

“I think, Pearl, you deserve this more.”

And she did deserve it. 

They were antagonistic to each other all season, hurting themselves to hurt each other, the cozy and warm embrace of Last Life locked away… but they had made it to the end. Scott gave it his all, he always did, but Pearl was the reason they were the final two. Blowing himself up to guarantee people recognized her win was the only sort of apology he knew how to give that would actually mean something. Scott would do it again in a heartbeat. His life was hers, after all, even when standing on opposing sides.

In a way, Pearl was his soulmate, but she wasn’t the romantic connection he had been searching for. Their love was strong, but it was strictly platonic. Scott simply didn’t feel that sort of attraction toward her, and Pearl was more interested in girls anyway. It wasn’t her fault that the game linked their lives together, much to Scott’s dismay. His fantasy of being swept off his feet by a handsome Player that season had been squashed.

Scott banged his fists against his skull, leaving throbbing in their wake. That didn’t encourage him to stop, nor slow down. His brain was already working overtime as he sifted through his traumas, anxieties, and regrets having to do with these games. His sinuses were stuffy and his nose was full of runny gunk. He sniffed, not wanting it to get in his mouth, but all it did was increase the pressure in his sinuses. His mouth and throat grew dry, yearning for water but only getting tears. He did little to try and rectify the discomfort.

Little regret came with Limited Life– at least, compared to the game that came before. 

When Scott first started building the Coral Isles, he had expected to be alone. He assumed Martyn had abandoned him to join another team, and he was going to be okay with that. He was! The extrovert within him hated it, but he tried to convince himself that it was a good thing. He could socialize with the other teams and then have time to himself… alone, on glorified floating dirt.

Scott tried to convince himself that, maybe, being alone would give him the space he needed to work himself out, and to not fall back into unhealthy tendencies. He didn’t want to be without teammates, but he would make due. It would be fine! It could have been fine. Maybe.

Luckily though, Martyn returned, and he was a good teammate and fun to talk to. Scott knew what to expect with him, for the most part, and it worked out! Very well, actually! They made it to the final three, and Scott wouldn’t have had it any other way.

There were times Scott fantasized about Martyn, as one does when sharing “paradise” with someone who looked like that. He wondered if Martyn would be the one he could fall asleep in the arms of and kiss until they ran out of breath… it all came to a stop when Martyn had mentioned Ren, his husband who was waiting for him once they were released from the games. Scott felt embarrassed, having forgotten about Ren. Safe to say, all fantasies died right then and there. Scott was many things, but he refused to be a homewrecker.

Now though, his eye had been wandering to Impulse, now that they’ve been spending so much time together. He knew for a fact that Impulse was single– he subtly checked– but Scott tried to deny himself. He didn’t want to do the same song and dance, fairly sure how it would end. He would only get hurt, trying to chase that daydream, just like it had repeatedly before. Scott couldn’t continue to put his heart in the hands of another yet again just to watch as they discarded it like his heart was a piece of rotten flesh in an otherwise full inventory.

The headbanging turned into scratching, but it wasn’t enough. He needed more, promptly changing tactics. Scott bit down on the flesh of his forearm, biting hard. The indents of his teeth littered his arms as an outlet to turn his emotional suffering into something physical– something easier to conceptualize and process– and to get himself to quiet the fuck down.

The last thing he needed was Gem or Impulse coming to check on him. He was fine. He was! He didn’t need them to worry. Everything is fine.

Scott was supposed to be confident and dependable, so that’s the role he had to continue to play, even if he didn’t always feel like it. It is fine. It had to be okay! Because… What would they say if they found out he struggled against his own mind on a regular basis? Who would want a teammate who frequently lost battles against themself?

Pathetic. The word was spat like venom, shooting down his spine and jerking his head back. A cry escaped his lips, despite his efforts to keep any noises to a minimum. Scott pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them tight, curling himself as small as he could. Maybe if he held himself together tight enough, he would stop shattering. Stop, stop, stop!

Scott didn’t know how long it had been since he left the campfire, but it felt like eternity. His body didn’t even feel real anymore. It was numb– almost null, like the embrace of the void– except for the places that homed his self-inflicted pain. The scratches, the impact bruises, the bitemarks… they were Scott’s only real tether to the world he existed in. They were necessary, and I deserve them. I deserve worse.

Did he truly think that little of himself? That he was so bad of a person that he deserved even worse pain than the anguish he felt? Scott squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could, sucking in his lips and trying to steady himself. No, he didn’t. He didn’t think that low of himself… most of the time. Scott could usually hold himself together, so well that even he would forget these moments. 

Ha. Scott huffed to himself bitterly, the unspoken words rancid on his tongue. Of course I dip this low during such an inconvenient time. Just– fuck me, I guess.

“Scott?” The unexpected input of another Player startled Scott, causing him to flinch. His grasp of his legs weakened, causing the ball he rolled himself in to uncurl. His head hit the wall again, he cursed under his breath, and reached back to press a hand against the definite bruise under his blue locks.

“Oh, jeez, Scott!” The same voice as before fretted, growing closer. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I knocked, but you didn’t answer, and I heard… I decided to check on you, but I–”

Scott blinked a few times to readjust his vision before squinting at the Player that crouched down in front of him. “Impulse?” Impulse gave him a weak but friendly smile. “That’s me. How ya feeling, bud?”

“Like shit,” Scott murmured, letting his eyes close again. He was exhausted. It had been a long day, and his body had ensured to use as much physical and mental energy as it could. What a punishment.

“Yeah, I bet.” The comment came out with an awkward sort of chuckle to it, something Scott found sort of charming. He would probably find it more charming if he heard it under different circumstances, though. “How about I help you to your bed, huh? Do you think you can stand?”

Impulse simply talking to him acted like an anchor, something Scott could latch onto to bring him away from the disordered thinking of his brain, the flaws in his code. He stared down at his body, at the red and purple decorating his arms, and all he felt was shame. Scott hung his head, averting his eyes. “I don’t… maybe. I could try. You could just leave me here, though, I’m fine.”

“Sorry, Scott, but you definitely are not fine, and I’m not going to leave you on the floor when you have a perfectly good bed right here.” Impulse shook his head, like in disbelief, but he kept his tone gentle and unthreatening, like he was trying not to set Scott off. “I could pick you up, if that’s easier.”

Scott looked up at Impulse through his eyelashes, taking him in the best he could. Impulse was broad shouldered with subtle muscles, worked out for strength not aesthetics. Little imp horns peaked through his brown hair and Scott noticed his fangs every time he opened his mouth to speak or smile. The outfit he wore was similar enough to his default to be recognizable, but it was just different enough to be interesting. It looked good on him. Impulse just looked good in general.

Scott could feel his heartbeat pick up in his chest as he averted his eyes, this time to his hands. He examined the pink nail polish, a part of him giggling like a stereotypical teenage girl over her first boy band member crush. They were matching. “If you want.”

As soon as permission was granted, Impulse adjusted his body to position himself to properly lift Scott off the ground. One arm snaked under his knees while the other went on his back, preparing to hold him bridal style.

“Put your arms around my neck,” Impulse instructed, and Scott was quick to obey. Now with a good hold on him, Impulse used his knees to help him both hold Scott and rise to his full height. 

Scott relaxed into Impulse’s hold, burrowing his body the best he could against Impulse’s chest. He took a deep breath, partly to steady his breathing more, but also to take in Impulse’s scent. He smelled vaguely like cherry blossoms, smoke, and musk, which must be partly due to their mutual environment. Still, he tried to commit the scent to memory so he could try to soothe himself with it when he felt particularly lonely…

Considering that they were right by Scott's bed, Impulse didn’t need to hold him long. He stepped forward and started to lower Scott onto the mattress, but panic surged within him. No! He didn’t want Impulse to put him down yet! Not when Impulse carrying him felt so safe. Impulse was a haven, providing shelter from the raging hurricane of torment waiting for him outside. Scott tightened his relatively weak grip, pressing himself against the imp like he was trying to merge their bodies together. 

“Please don’t!” Scott begged, voice cracking with desperation. He smushed his face against Impulse’s chest, not ready to be on his own again. He craved the touch and affection of another so badly. Scott hadn’t even realized how bad it had gotten until he was given a taste. “Please, Impulse, just… hold me. Please. I don’t want to be alone.”

Scott could almost feel Impulse’s pity, but Scott didn’t take back his words. Begging– especially for something so basic– felt overly embarrassing, but the need was too great to deny himself any longer. He would do just about anything Impulse wanted from him as long as he promised to stay just a little bit longer. Please don’t leave me too.

“Do you want me to stay the rest of the night?” Impulse asked, as if to confirm, breaking the silence. He shifted his hold on Scott and, for a moment, Scott feared he would put him down, despite his begging, but he didn’t. Impulse used his own body as leverage until he could free a hand, presumingly using it to move the blanket aside on Scott’s neatly made bed.

“Please.” Scott hated how small and vulnerable he felt. Anyone could take advantage of him in this state, and he would let them, but Impulse is a good guy. He will take care of me. “I want you to stay. If you would. I… I need you.”

“Okay, I’ll stay,” Impulse promised, returning the removed hand and pressing a gentle kiss against Scott’s hairline. Scott whimpered an attempted Thank you, relief flooding his senses as his face grew hotter. 

The imp turned them around so he could half-climb backward into Scott’s bed, never letting go of the elf at any point. Impulse adjusted the pillows before setting Scott down on his lap, one arm still around him. He leaned forward, reaching for the blanket to pull over them before returning his arms around Scott. 

Impulse pulled Scott close, cuddling him against his chest. One hand rested on Scott’s hip while the other tangled within his wavy blue hair, gently scraping his claws against Scott’s scalp. Scott melted into Impulse, the dark fog that surrounded him starting to dissipate. His muscles relaxed and the pain started to subside, though still noticeable. It was never that easy, was it?

Scott was just about to give into his exhaustion when Impulse spoke again, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“What is there to talk about?” Scott knew there was much that could be said, considering the state at which he was found, but he didn’t want to think about it anymore. All it brought was more suffering, and Scott wasn’t wanting– wasn’t ready to unpack it all in any sort of constructive way. At least, not right now. “I’m fine.” “If I didn’t know better, I may have believed that.” The words themselves felt dismissive and scolding, but Impulse’s tone never strayed there. Scott could tell he was putting in the effort to tend to him, which almost made Scott start crying all over again. Impulse’s big heart was going to be the death of him, wasn’t it? How was he just so… perfect? “Do you want to try that again?” Scott groaned– partly in mild protest and partly in pain– as he turned his head, pointed ear now against Impulse’s chest. In the quiet of Scott’s cottage, Scott could hear Impulse’s heartbeat. It was steady and dependable, a comfort in comparison to the frantic and frenzied beating Scott’s heart had been not too long ago. Scott drew closer to tranquility with every rise and fall of Impulse’s chest, drumming along like a fixed tempo.

“I would share,” Scott admitted, voice barely above a whisper, “but I don’t think I could without crying again. It’s all just… a lot. We can… maybe we can talk about it later, after the games, if you still care– if you want– but, for now… for now, can we just be like this?”

Impulse didn’t respond right away, likely in consideration as he outlined figure eights against Scott’s sensitive skin. “Of course I care, Scott. And I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here as long as you need.” “Thank you,” Scott breathed out, the words barely audible. Impulse hummed his response, but didn’t say more, and that was enough. Scott allowed his exhaustion to take him, guiding him to unconsciousness as Impulse provided him the physical content Scott often had to go without.

Scott was almost to dreamland when it dawned on him, funnily enough. I love Impulse. 

The realization jolted him from the sleepy daze, heart squeezing in his chest as he tried to determine what he felt about it. Scott had told himself, going into Secret Life, to abandon the ridiculous notion of finding lasting love here. These were death games, not a speed dating event at a cafe, or a fun and quirky way to meet new people. Putting himself out there only left him damaged and vulnerable, and he wanted to spare himself from further destruction.

Looking up at Impulse now, Scott knew it was too late for him. He had fallen for the other man, his affections shifting from platonic to romantic the more time they spent together. The ends of Scott’s lips twitched up into a bittersweet smile. Hopefully they wouldn’t end as tragic as he and Jimmy. Scott wasn’t sure if he could survive his heart shattering again.

Now wasn’t a good time to confess his newly discovered adoration, affection, romantic care, and love, but the information settled comfortably within him, slotting into place. It didn’t force its way in, greedily pushing and shoving for a spot, no. Love for Impulse just… clicked. Clicked like it was always meant to be there. Like they had a fighting chance. Like he was more than simply good enough. Like they were meant to be. Scott slept peacefully that night, relishing in the warmth the idea of spending the rest of his life with Impulse brought.

[aphinthestars]

Didi Explanation and Aph and Miguel's Relationship

Hey yall I'm back and finally did a post for a question I got about my spidersona! (Did I take almost a month to cook? Yeah and? Also I'm sorry, everytime i draw Miguel it comes out so so so different from one another and also i didn't use a reference for one of these) As always trigger warnings for this post such as child abuse/neglect, spiders, experimentation, death etc.

The question comes from @sweetimpurityloves (thank you Sweet love youuuu!)

Also thank you @didipayasito for letting me talk about your sona <3 go follow her she's awesome

Also also dividers I used for this post made by @/saradika-graphics

For this question I'll make a small explanation first and then go on to the lore!

There are two versions of Didi in our story or AU, Didi Stella and Didi O'Hara, for simplicity sake we'll call them A!Didi (As in Aph's Didi or Didi Stella) and M!Didi (As in Miguel's Didi or Didi O'Hara)

A!Didi comes from Earth-117, also known as Nueva Lunaria or Aph's earth, A!Didi was one of Aph's best friends and roommates with Nico, they were so close they all literally changed their last names to Stella so they could at least be sisters symbolically.

For those who have not read my sona's lore post, A!Didi dies at 24 years old in Aph's story as one of her canon events, Aph blamed herself for it horribly even if the own Didi said she shouldn't as she was dying.

And M!Didi comes from Earth-928, also known as Nueva York, she is Miguel's adoptive child in that universe, being some convoluted version of Spiderwoman (I'll explain in the next part of this post bare with your girl)

Now onto the actual question!

How did Didi become Miguel's adoptive child in this AU?

I think most of Miguel Nation knows how Miguel became Spider-Man so I won't go into detail with that.

Well, Didi was born from a one night stand between a revered scientist and a very famous model, neither of them wanted a child but by the time Didi's mom noticed she was pregnant it was too late to do anything about it.

Didi grew up in a household of emotional abuse from her mother who she lived full time with.

That was until her father became obsessed with the notion of creating another Spider-Man.

They obviously needed a live subject, someone young enough so that they could indoctrinate them into doing their bidding but also someone that no one would go looking for.

And that's when Didi came in, as it turns out her parents had done a fantastic job of keeping her hidden, knowing her mother's career would plummet if someone knew about the child, it was better for them like that, well for her parents not for Didi.

The perfect subject, someone who was already loyal to the scientist, who would do anything for his approval.

And that's how it happened, Didi was bitten by a radioactive spider, she was experimented on trying to see what limits her powers had.

Until one fateful night where her life would change for the better.

A fire.

No one knows how it started or when, but Didi in her contention cell couldn't do much about it, thinking she would die there until she heard how someone took down the door and huddled her in their arms.

The next thing Didi knew she woke up in a hospital bed, she was one of the few survivors, and the cherry on top, the only experiment that survived.

The fire erased any document of Didi ever existing with it, shoving it into the depths of who she had been in that horrible laboratory.

She could hear soft voices outside her hospital room, one in particular who declared sternly "I'll be her guardian until her parents are found" She was terrified thinking it was one of the scientists that worked with her dad.

But no, the man who walked through the door, though a scientist as well, couldn't be confused by any man she had seen before, tall and intimidating for a little girl.

He talked softly not wanting to scare her, introducing himself as Miguel O'Hara, though Didi interrupted him the moment she saw his fangs, becoming completely excited to see someone who had such a feature as well.

Miguel was stunned, but he knew what he had to do, he couldn't let these little girl, these girl who had barely stopped being a toddler and turned into a kid to be at the hands of people who could put her in danger because of her powers.

As it was obvious that her parents wouldn't appear he made the decision to adopt her.

Being 24 years old but having inherited Alchemax and a fortune from Tyler Stone (In this AU Tyler dies with Aaron and Miguel inherits Alchemax) he was able to easily sway people to let him adopt the little girl.

From that moment on Miguel would visit Didi in the hospital and eventually in the orphanage until all the papers were in order.

He breaks the news to her as Didi is doing makeup on him, her saying "It's almost time for you to leave and I haven't finished this yet" and Miguel answering by accident "Finish it when we get home" stunning Didi as he finally breaks the news to her and her sobbing in his arms as she finally gets to have a home with the only loving parent she has ever known, after cleaning Miguel's face up and calming Didi down, the papers are finalized, her little suitcase packed up and Didi gets to go home with her dad, the only dad she has had from that moment on.

(And for those who love Gabi, don't worry she is still part of this AU and that part of the story is intact)

So onto the second question, how did Aph react to the news that a Spiderperson version of Didi existed and Miguel had hidden it from her? Not only that but that that version is Miguel's adoptive daughter? And also that her other best friend also had a spiderperson version of themselves?

.....Not well

She ran into his lab, screaming his name like bloody murder, scaring the fuck out of Miguel who doesn't have a spidersense, he was about to berate whoever came in shouting but the moment he looked around his words all jumbled and he didn't know what to say.

He had never seen Aph that angry, hell he had never seen the woman more then annoyed point blank. So seeing her like that, and worse with all her anger directed at him? Yeah....Miguel stayed quiet until Aph had finished berating him to the moon and back.

Eventually Aph settled down, now more heartbroken then anything that he had hidden something so important from her, trying her best not to cry not wanting to be seen as weak.

Miguel got himself and Aph sitting down on the edge of his platform, they had been friends for a bit and he tolerated physical contact from her so he let her seat as she wanted.

Miguel explained his point of view, he was going to tell her, when she was in a place to take it better, he didn't want Aph to use this versions of Nico and Didi as replacements for the family she had lost, for the versions she had lost.

Aph understood, it was an asshole move from him, yes, but it came from a good place, she sighed and nodded, understanding his point of view but still making sure he knew that was horrible to pull and that she wouldn't allow that to happen again, no more secrets between them, at least nothing as substantial as a whole kid.

And that's all for this ask! Hope you all enjoyed reading it and looking at the art as much as me making it! My asks and comments are both open for this kind of thing so be welcomed to drop them in anytime! Just beware I might take a bit to respond specially since I plan on adding art to most of it!

Taglist: @sweetimpurity @sweetimpurityloves @bluemadnessstuff @stressedmacaronisalad

[thevampsworld96]

A Chance Encounter - BWS

Hey, everyone. I hope you're doing well. I've been working this all morning and I hope that you enjoy it.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Nerves were hitting you like a lightning strike, but you did your best not to worry about them. You stood in front of the mirror, shuffling and dusting off the lint that was on your black dress as you had a date tonight. You loved the way it hugged your curves it was just perfect.

Tonight was the night where Brad, who was a friend but a couple of nights before he had declared his feelings towards you. The pair of you went to a party as it was a friend and of you asked Brad to come and he never really hesitated to yes but when he you squealed with joy.

Moving back to the present, you spent hours getting ready cause you know the time you take, so you thought to get ready early even though Brad was the one who was going to pick you up.

The one last thing left to do was add some lipstick to finish off the look. You searched for the perfect shade, which diskt took long, finally agreed on a cherry red shade while finishing off your phone, which sat on the dressing table, began to buzz it was Bradley.

"Hey, just to let you know, I'm on my way. Can't wait to see you!"

You couldn't stop smiling after reading that instantly. You started to feel butterflies. You grabbed your phone and keys and put them in your bag, and hurried downstairs as you heard a knock on the door, and you didn't want to keep him waiting.

Running to the door, you opened it, and you found him standing there leaning against your frame of the door. He looked very effortless and handsome waiting for you, which he did patiently.

"Hey wow well don't you look bloody gorgeous tonight

Bradley says with a warm smile on his face, and then shortly afterwards, you give him one back. Your cheeks were flushed as complimented you.

"Thanka, you clean up nicely yourself too"

You said to him, and while chuckling nervously but you found it cute.

"Shall we go?"

He asked you.

"Yes, let's go"

You say to him while closing the door behind you, and he offers his arm for you to hold, and you never hesitated to take it.

"Now the restaurant isn't far from here, so I decided to walk it if that's OK with you. Y/N"

He asked politely. He looked at you with the same charming smile that you always loved.

"That's OK with me, Bradley"

You said to him with a smile once, and you both strolled along the pavement. It was a cool, crisp evening but wasn't too cold or too it was just perfect.

While walking, it gave you both a chance to have a conversation, which made you laugh as Bradley was telling something that had happened in the studio while he was working, and the pair of you laughed and just like that you reached the restaurant. You felt a feeling of surprisingly at ease while being in his presence, but this wasn’t new. You always felt that with him, but tonight, it was a different way.

At the restaurant, the staff placed you both on a cosy corner table and clearly knew you were on a date. You both ordered some drinks and food. Once they arrived, you both had started some random conversations.

"So how's the writing coming along"

You asked him while sipping your drink and eating the food you ordered.

"It's going fantastically well. I've been a studio rat, actually"

You laughed.

"A studio rat, oh, that is just hilarious"

You said to him he then chuckled to himself as he knew it was true.

"It's true Y/N"

He added.

"Tell how's work going for you"

He asked.

"It's going great. I'm getting a promotion"

You say to him. Bradley's lit up excitement and happiness for you and your accomplishment.

"No way you kept that quiet, Y/N that is bloody amazing you deserve it"

He said to you while giving you an applause that he was so happy and proud of you as he knew you were great at your job. The pair of you spent the whole night talking sharing stories and thoughts and opinions on certain things and before you knew it. It then came to closing time, and you made your way to the exit while thanking the staff who have served you.

The pair of you stood outside the restaurant, and my hands started to touch as your eyes locked on to each other's and started to burst out laughing once more, remembering the last conversation.

Bradley walked you back to your flat. You leaned against your door, hands still interwined. The pair of you realised they had to say goodbye reluctantly, though you didn't want this night to end.

"I really don't want this night to end Brad"

You say to him.

"Neither do I," He said, hesitating just slightly before he carried on. "I honestly had the best time tonight. we should do it again some other time. Can we do it all again"

He asked you.

Your heart soared with happiness hearing the words that he had said.

"I would love that more than anything. Thank you for a lovely night. " You were unable to contain her smile, and then you wrapped your arms around him, and instead of him doing back, he kissed your lips, which you didn't really deny or pull away it felt right on this perfect night..

[monkey-network]

My GOATED Tier Albums

Music is awesome. It is a form of creation that people experiment with, creating melodies that can make you emotional beyond belief. Except Weezer. For the past year I listened to a ton of albums, mainly because I have a job that doesn't require much thinking. From this, I've recognized albums that above everything possess eternal sauce. I'm talking favorites that make you wanna sing 'em in the rain, love when you're in pain, imagine yourself getting head on a train. I naturally haven't listened to every artist and genre in existence, but these stuck with me for more than a simple good time. Let's get the obvious one out the way

To Pimp A Butterfly (Kendrick Lamar)

MVP Track: How Much a Dollar Cost

On its own, this album just fucks for nearly 80 minutes straight. Everyone knows this, a 16 track stream of unapologetic Blackness that dives into all of what Kendrick has seen in the black community outside of his music-making. You get funk, jazz, soul all into a comprehensive story of his life in Cali vs his time touring in South Africa. When paired with Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City though, you see a darker story that I say is like part 2 of Stephen King's IT. There's the remorse and turmoil exposed by an older Kendrick of the haunting experience from his adolescence, like TPAB is about how he was too lucky to survive that moment in M.A.A.D. City. This album is just strong beginning to end, like it's a given to say this.

Nonagon Infinity (King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard)

I've listened to plenty of King Gizzard before I could say this album is perfected adrenaline. The direction each song goes is always satisfying where it's like I can't pick a real favorite one without loving the rest of them. It's even better when there's no cuts between song while you can hear every one seamlessly play into each other like an interconnected nonagon and for it to loop back around is the cherry on top. I love how it's able to change course without ever losing the momentum like 'Mr. Beat' clashes so hard with the others but they fit it at the best point. Again, this album is the most fist pumping shit I've ever listened to.

Die Lit (Playboi Carti)

MVP Track: R.I.P. Fredo

I'll admit, back in grade school I treated trap, sound and mumble rap like I did Pepsi as a child. Disgusted and dismissive like "it's not real rap". Overtime, mainly thanks to Spongebob, I got over my prejudice and gave it more a chance. I'm not the biggest fan, but stuff like Pop Smoke, Yeat, Uzi, and Carti I got on my MP3 for the long mile. It was last month where I finally got Die Lit, and man the vibes of this are immaculate. This album just makes you wanna work out, do 10 sets on the weights to the rhythm. I'm more into lyrical strength when it comes to rap but this helped me that the beats and the hooks can be just as bumping. It honestly has everything I would've loved getting into trap music.

MM.. FOOD (MF DOOM)

MVP Track: Rapp Snitch Knishes

When I talk lyrical strength, I always think of MF DOOM may he continue to rest in peace. He wasn't just hot with wordplay, he knew how to bend the flows to his will. This, Madvillainy, and Mouse and the Mask are my top 3 DOOM albums, but MM FOOD takes the cake (hah) in being the perfect balance of the fun and power that goes into his music. I love that it isn't just a concept album about food, but a story told with the old Spider-Man and Fantastic Four cartoons. I grew to love the intermission where it's a sample soundbite bonanza; felt like Dumile was having the most fun here. I say you get the best of all the previous albums here, and to me it's the most replayable record.

IGOR (Tyler the Creator)

MVP Track: Are We Still Friends

This is where I enjoyed the album off the bat, but loved it more after hearing Tyler's entire library. I love that IGOR exists not only on its own from his typical rap work, but as his own character and not just a persona. Like TPAB and Nonagon Infinity, I can't pick a favorite track without every other carrying each other. This album is emotional sauce, exploring the ugliness and majesty of romance and heartbreak. A lot of these type of albums I feel are tonally the same passive aggressive, sugarcoated upbeat kind of stuff; that's why I can never get into Taylor Swift and the like. This hits different. I've heard nothing like I Think, New Magic Wand, I Don't Love You Anymore, all capped with still the greatest closing number I've ever heard. This is Tyler's magnum opus, hands down.

Making Mirrors (Gotye)

MVP Track: Save Me

Gotye was not a musician I expected to enjoy but Making Mirrors IS that good. It's a beautifully uplifting streak of tunes that reminds me of George Michael especially in the first half. This of course has the billion dollar single 'Somebody That I Used to Know', but this ain't even his best song. 'Eyes Wide Open', 'Save Me', 'Bronte', 'In Your Light' offer more euphoric sounds that literally ascends you. Almost every song feels like those scenes in movies where everyone's dancing in the church. It honestly sucks Gotye retired his solo career after this record when this felt like he found his footing. There's possibility of him returning after his time with his band The Basics, but I'm not complaining. Dude made a record I never thought would love as much as I did.

Scatman's World (Scatman John)

MVP Track: Only You

I got more to say about this album on a later date, so I'll keep it brief. This was the biggest eye-opener of music for me. You got a man that sings like a jazz enthusiast and have his best album be Eurodance and techno. It never feels like a gimmick too while his lyrics aren't an overall strong suit. It all just makes you happy, have a real pep in the step, with a great range of tone that makes it easy to go back to. And I will NEVER forgive the internet for warping my mind over the word "scatting".

Thick as a Brick (Jethro Tull)

MVP Track: Childhood Heroes

Best for last. This is the first album for me where you might as well say this is just two 20 minute songs. On a personal note, this helped lifted my spirit after 2017 basically destroyed me emotionally and mentally. The energy and flow felt unlimited like you could feel this was THE project for the band. Both parts ending with 'Childhood Heroes', all time favorite song of my life. They, by extension this album, is emblematic of old time childlike wonder. That gave me both the strive and relief to move forward, the song exhibits that energy every time I hear it. This album is a GOAT of personal expectations.

I've loved thinking about music this year. These albums mean a lot in how unreal they can feel listening, a streak of passion that are like the planets aligned when they dropped. These have also helped me branch out to other artists and albums to see if they can reach the strengths of this list.

But lesson of the day is always have your GOATs, cherish them to your life, and in conclusion...

[kinkykinard]

i know ur a lil anxious so i’m here are some questions i want to know ur answers to

favorite fidget toy? favorite scent? favorite color? favorite flower? favorite outfit? how do you take your coffee/tea (tell me allllllll the different ways)? best job you’ve ever had? what was your best birthday and why? favorite animal? earbuds or headphones? i’m having major deja vu as i type this. what does your favorite water bottle look like? what’s your idea of a perfect day? favorite 911 rescue? favorite season of 911? favorite buck hair?

:)

Thank you for the ask, lovely! 😊

Okay idk if it counts or not because it's not technically a fidget toy, per se, but paper clips. I love unfolding them, bending them, twisting them into all kinds of shapes. I keep a box of them close at hand at work all the time so I can fidget while I'm on calls and in between patients to help me focus.

My favorite scent is anything rose. I adore rose-scented products but Dani hates the scent, so around the house I typically default to my second favorite which is lavender.

Favorite color is pink! Although any jewel-tone or a lavender/pastel purple is alway great, too.

Favorite flower is a rose! Followed closely by lily of the valley.

Ugh I'm so boring but I'm a leggings and t-shirt kind of girl. If I could live in leggings, I would. I have this favorite pair of black athletic leggings that has POCKETS!!!!!!! and my favorite t-shirt is a gray heather v-neck t-shirt with a picture of a monitor lizard wearing a witch hat and holding a cup of tea on it.

If I'm making coffee at home or just drinking drip while I'm out, I take milk and splenda. If it's Starbucks, it's a flat white or one of their seasonal cold brews (the chocolate cream is my favorite). As for tea, I usually take it unsweetened if it's something fruity, sweetened with splenda if it needs a little sweetness, or with honey if I'm sick or my blood sugar is low and I need a boost.

Best job I've ever had was probably my first job. I was a youth group coordinator for a major non-profit organization over the summer when I was 16 and I LOVED it. We got to organize and execute fundraisers, awareness events, blood drives, and all sorts of other events. We did lots of teambuilding events and got to dabble in all sorts of cool things in different sectors within the organization and it was just fantastic.

My best birthday was probably my 13th birthday. I spent most of it on a plane on a trip to visit family in Poland, but the day after (after a LONG night's sleep to beat the jet lag) I spent the day running around my grandparents' orchard, picking fresh cherries from right up in the trees and having a great time. We had a barbecue with all the family and we had an AMAZING chocolate cake my auntie baked for me. It felt like a BIG deal because it was so different than most birthdays at home and I still remember it super clearly.

My favorite animal is the octopus! They're SO smart and just so cool.

Earbuds, for sure. Headphones tend to hurt unless they're sized exactly right because I have my helix pierced and I just don't like them very much.

My favorite water vessel right now is actually a tumbler. It's a dark green color and has pink leaves and apples etched into it. It's a hot and cold tumbler so I can put whatever I want in it, but it's usually ice water lol.

My idea of a perfect day changes by the day, honestly. Right now, I'm dreaming of a cool, rainy day to clear the smoke out of the air and freshen everything up. Cool enough that I could sit outside under an awning and drink tea while reading a book. I wouldn't say no to a little bit of distant thunder, too, just for ambience.

Oh man, how do I pick my favorite rescue? I think I'm going to have to go with the 118 rescuing one of their own - when Buck was stuck under the ladder truck. The civilians rushing forward to help always makes me sob in the ugliest way and just makes my heart hurt in the BEST way.

My favorite season is probably season 6, honestly. SO many great episodes. Closely followed by season 3.

My favorite Buck hair is any time it's longer and slightly curly. I just want to run my fingers through it so bad.

[kithtaehyung]

Heyyyy ryennnn i feel like it’s been forever I missed u😭😭😇😇😇 I’ve been so w school and life, I also bought my first car earlier this year soo🥰🥰🥰 omg and I got YOONGI & BEYONCÉ TICKETS (my two fav artists everrr) so life has been going great for rn, I’m always grateful and happy to be here. BUT OMG WHAT HAVE I MISSED???? I DONT THINK IVE READ ANYTHING SINCE CHRISTMAS TIME??? HAVE THEIR BEEN DRABBLES??? A NEW CHAPTERR??? I’m so excited om🤭🤭🤭 but I hope all is well and you’ve been taking care of yourself ily

-🍒

CHERRY OMFG HI!! holy shit, it has been forever. also.. hold on. wait the fck up. i'm actually tearing up bc i remember when you spoke about your previous job situation last year and now?? YOU BOUGHT UR FIRST CAR?? AND YOU HAVE KING YOONGI AND QUEEN BEY TICKETS??? I WANNA HUG YOU IM SO PROUD😭😭 that is all fantastic news, my love. damn. you did all that shit i'm so happy for you!

since christmas?? oh. well. you have a lot to catch up on LOL HAVE FUN. there's the window, video call, then summer bbq! still working on 3tan10 but there have been quite a few drops since you last read.

all is well here! getting a lot done this week and hopefully dropping a jk fic soon. then getting back to working on 3tan things.

[inact-ice]

Season 2 episode 9 let’s go!

- I’m so excited to learn more about hennn

- hen wtf is on your head. Ope not the men awkwardly laughing. White people cant recognize a black queer person if said black queer person was wrapped in a rainbow flag

- hen girl I hope you have savings or a backup plan.

- she’s at a career counsellor? This counsellor has fantastic hair, hen you should learn from her. Though this look does fit this time period.

- HEN AS BATMAN?!!

- this career counsellor is useless, im pretty sure she’s gonna have a medical emergency- oop down she goes! Ohhh so she’s a life coach. Yay hen you saved her life! I’ve been taught cpr twice and I wouldn’t have been able to save that lady

- hi hens ex girlfriend! I hate you. And right on track she’s being dismissive about hens dreams, Karen would never!!

- ooh ok they’re getting a little intersectional wit it.

- I’m pretty sure this is the episode where we meet Tommy and the severity of his bigotry will influence how I view him through the whole show, I still hate Billy from stranger things for being racist to Lukas

- hell yeah cherry bomb!

- OMG YES BURN THE HELL OUT OF YHAT UGLY WIG JESUS CHRISY THANK YOU

- cherry bomb kinda is the perfect song for this montage wow

- GO HEN GOOOOO

- WOOOOO SHE DID IT! GIRLS IN BLUE! GIRLS IN BLUE! YIPPEE

- oh I can sense the bigotry about to come. Hi Gerard. Ugh I hate him already

- TOMMY! In 5 seasons people go crazy over you and so far I cannot see why. CHIMNEY! Ugh chimney you’re constantly raising the bar, love you

- Tommy being workplace bullied for being gay… ok I’ll hold my judgements- WOAH! New York BITCHINESS… guys come on

- Gerard you are the worst and the fact that they trivialize your mess in the latest season is actually so horrific

- BOOO WHO CARES WHO THESE WHITE LOSERS SIT WITH ANYWAY! POC SOLIDARITY I KNOW THATS NOT RIGHT!!! See if Tommy could be a bit more like chimney that would go a long ways, like just a little ‘we’re in this together’… but I guess at the end of the day marginalized white people will always choose their whiteness over their marginalization, and gay white men are kinda notorious for being really bad for that. Hope he gets a good redemption arc ig

- hens gonna save the hell out of this woman!! Tommy shut the hell up, why question the paramedic oh my lord. GERARD SHUT THE FUCK UP SAME QUESTION TO YOU

- ATHENA AND HEN MEETING EEK! Omg yeah hen really is staking her whole job on this. But ofc it’s working bc she’s a genius!

- Gerard please be so fucking for real right now you useless loser trash goblin

- at least we have poc and black woman solidarity. But chimney being so nice to her really highlights how much certain other people suck… but lemme not repeat myself too much.

- hen you can’t hard work yourself into being respected by this awful bigoted man. Oh I’m so glad Buck punches this man in the face or whatever, I hate him so much… and this is the guy people were calling silly and goofy and funny? Oh I see how it is

- yay hen and Athena friendship hours! Marginalized first responders club, aw I love this for them. I like these guys, especially Casey! Hell yeah Athena, even tho your job is like inherently awful, this is valuable advice

- aw wait guys I feel so bad I already hate Tommy and his stupid face😭 I just can’t believe he called her a bitch completely unprompted like what. I was under the impression that he did all this stuff like totally prompted by Gerard

- oh hen this speech is so goooood, 10/10 monologue! And ofc chimney supports her instantly, solidarityyyyy

- will tommy be nicer to hen now that he knows they’re both gay

- hen fuck that guy, you are so right as always. CHIMNEYYYY, you are suuuuch a fave I love you! Sooooolidarity! No bc he’s like risking his JOB for her! Where’s Tommy??? Nowhere to be found. I wish I hadn’t known he was gay beforehand bc that makes it feel more like a betrayal

- oh shit I really hope this kid survives. YAY! YAY CHIMNEY AND HEN VULNERABLE CRYING BEST FRIEND SOLIDARITYYYY

- oh yay they’re giving hen her flowers! Ok! All is not forgiven bc I didn’t hear an apology, but that was pretty ok!

- YAY GERARD GOT FIRED?!! Oh the guys stepped up! Yippee, hen I’m so happy for you. Not to make this about Tommy but I hope it’s revealed that he was one of the guys to complain bc that would fix a lot for me

- chimneyyy you mischievous little MAN! I love you chimney, you’re the best!

- they did such a good job of writing hen without making her a mammy bc I can see how these writers would’ve messed that up but damn

- hen redeeming herself with her outro speeches love it

Ok that’s definitely my favourite episode so far, the writing was very good (even though they dropped and picked up some themes on intersectionality kinda abruptly) and I feel like I know hen a lot better now! Like I’ve thought before that she can be kinda snippy sometimes, not in a bad way or anything, it’s just something I’ve noticed! And this episode really showcased that it’s not that she’s snippy, but that she’s one of those people who’s really outspoken and very principled. It’s kind of refreshing to see from a show where our other main black representation is Athena…. But lemme not go on my cop rant. Yeah this episode was just great for the most part, and the emergencies were strangely more grounded than other emergencies in other shows, so I felt more anxious during them. Ig part of it was the knowledge that hen could be fired at any moment too. This whole episode has made me feel so happy for where hen is now, she has such a strong support system who’ll protect and support her against things like racism or sexism now, it makes me so happy!

I gotta say, I’ve been thinking of some posts I’ve seen regarding Tommy while I watched this episode, and while I think the posts that say he didn’t really do anything wrong of his own fruition are like lying for some reason, he’s definitely not irredeemable! I’m cautiously optimistic to see the development of his character all the way in season 7 and to see how he’s changed and stuff. I don’t get why everyone likes him so much yet, but ig this is just like the point in the character arc where he’s at his lowest and I do see potential!

[thedepressexpress]

something I'd tell myself if I could meet me at my lowest is that right now you are surrounded by so much of your own misery that once you'll get through this you'll be surprised by the things you find joy in and how abundant they can be.

for example

last year I spent every fall evening watching birds fly home in flocks

I made a presentation about a telescope

I took a tram and saw someone's balcony covered in birdhouses on the way

on a day where I was trapped in a sudden downpour my socks were already soaked, I jumped in puddles like a kid

I ate cherries directly from a tree just because I wanted to do the action of it. I don't even like cherries!

Every few days I look out my window to see if it's clear enough to star gaze

I listen to podcasts whenever I want however loud I want

I'm competent at my job

whenever I'm walking I always look overhead to any flying by birds and watch them till they're too far away to see

a pigeon sat on my window sill yesterday

I have found some fantastic sticks

I take my fingers through the wind and enjoy not hot showers in the summer

I kept a balloon in my room for months so when my friends visit we could bat it around like kids at a birthday party

my friends visit!!!

I have friends!!!!!

I'm making decisions for the global good like not purchasing new phones, not going to Starbucks, donating to causes when I can, limiting clothing waste, etc. (fuck Israel, Free Palestine, and Free the Congo)

I don't hate how I look in most pictures

I don't brush my hair as much because I found out it's curly and it's not a bird's nest like people always said

I own a mechanical pencil that's 4 years old

I like a band with a weird name

I wear rings that I picked out and black gloves to deal with sensory issues

no one touches me unless I want them to and I (rarely /pos) hug my friends

I leave reviews on websites because I'm grateful to other people who do it

I sleep in on Fridays

I always stop to look at sunsets and flowers and mushrooms

my first adult grey hair

there's just a lot I didn't expect to enjoy in life. am I still in a dark place? yes, because I think that's just how my life will always be. Something is fundamentally broken in the structure of my brain and I don't know if it ever goes away.

even so, I just felt like I was never going to live life enough to enjoy it but I did and I'm glad I stuck around.

[gchoate17]

I watched 25 movies in 2023 – down from 30 last year. Here they are, ranked in order. 

Cherry

Fantastic story, well told. It covered a lot of ground in a short time and made me believe everything. Despite the bad decision, I never stopped pulling for him. Tom Holland crushed it.

2. Tetris

I love these stories that pull the curtain back on pop culture phenomena. An enthralling sprint from start to finish.

3. I, Tonya

Nice job of showing the other side of the story. I felt some empathy for “the monster.” Also, I wasn’t expecting to laugh, but I laughed multiple times.

4. Dune (2021)

It’s always impressive when someone creates a new world that seems to add up. The story is set, now show me the sequel.

5. White Noise

Intellectual and quirky, but ridiculous, in a good way. But it also feels a little too unhinged. Adam Driver crushes it.

6. The Beanie Bubble

Zach Galifinakis’s best performance? Enough of a true story to give me the satisfaction of learning something while also pointing to the ridiculous nature of American capitalism in the 1990s.

7. On the Rocks

Bill Murray and his character carry it.

8. Barbie

Stylistically, really fun. Concept, fantastic. Kate McKinnon and Michael Cera’s characters are the best part of the movie. It was also nice to see so many actors from Sex Education. Of course, Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling were fantastic as well. Overall, the was good, but it certainly didn’t measure up to the hype (and how could it). My only real complaint comes with when they have all been enlightened and they name all of the problems with society, which is a little too on the nose for me. We got it without being told.

9. Narvik

I’ve been into Dutch things lately, and I always like a new perspective on World War II, but I wouldn’t say this one is a can’t-miss.

10. Seven Kings Must Die

SPOILER ALERT: I feel like I couldn't get into the movie because legitimately the only person I was pulling for at the end was Uhtred. King Athelstan was a dumbass who deserved to die. All the kings who got duped into allying with the evil Dane guy made the move I would have made. Moral of the story: War is terrible. But that final shot of the Great Hall was awesome.

11. Parasite

Kind of funny. A little too far-fetched.

12. This is Where I Leave You

Weak story, great actors.

13. Air

I know why they did it, but it was a mistake to make a movie about Air Jordans without Michael Jordan.

14. Blood & Gold

I couldn’t buy that what happened in that small town didn’t alert larger authorities. In that way, it was a lot like Three Kings, but less humorous.

15. Those People

I am writing this review months after I watched the movie and even after watching the trailer, I have no recollection of ever seeing this movie, but in my notes I gave it three stars, so I’m putting it at the end of my three-star movies for the year.

16. Everything Everywhere All at Once

Loved the first half-ish, and the acting was great, but – as is with most action mind-benders – when anything can happen because the filmmakers aren’t bound by the rules of reality, it felt completely out of control by the end.

17. The Covenant

Movies that pretend like you can move about freely in war are out of touch with reality. But I do love a battle-buddy flick.

18. Raymond & Ray

A little absurd, but Ethan Hawke and Ewan McGregor are always likable.

19. To Leslie

Predictable addiction story. Bad Southern accents.

20. Midsommar

A horror film, but replace the dark aesthetic with light. Immature characters who ignore all the red flags.

21. The Wonder

SPOILER ALERT: Eerie and intriguing, but my investment diminished once the jig was up. I don’t buy that a devout little girl like that would just walk away.

22. Greyhound

SPOILER ALERT: Decent action sequences at sea, but not enough background for any of it to really mean anything. Elizabeth Shue needed to come back, for sure. Otherwise, why have her play the role?

23. Dead for a Dollar

I’m a Christoph Waltz fan, but this one was full of melodrama.

24. The Incident (1967)

None of the characters do what they should and there was no payoff. I did enjoy seeing those actors in the early stages of their career, though.

25. The Menu

I want to know how Ralph Fiennes, Anya Taylor-Joy, Nicholas Hoult, and John Leguizamo got trapped in this stupid-ass movie.

See previous years’ lists here: 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017.

[goexploregreece]

Discover the Jewel of the Dodecanese: The Lindos Acropolis on Rhodes

If you've ever fancied basking in the glow of ancient history while enjoying the stunning views of one of the most idyllic Greek islands, the Lindos Acropolis in Rhodes is your golden ticket. And I'm not just talking metaphorically. With sun-soaked shores and tales as old as time, Rhodes offers a slice of the past you didn't know you needed. And the Lindos Acropolis? It's the cherry on top.

Now, if you're wondering, "What's the deal with this Lindos Acropolis?" strap in for a quick tour of this ancient masterpiece.

Where on Earth is it?

Nestled on the eastern shores of Rhodes, Lindos is a picturesque village that looks like it's been plucked straight from a postcard. The Lindos Acropolis, or the Acropolis of Lindos if you're feeling a bit posh, is an archaeological site perched high on a hill. And trust me, the view from up there is worth every bit of the legwork.

What's in a Name?

While commonly known as the Lindos Acropolis, some folks might refer to it as the 'Castle of Lindos' or the 'Fortress of Lindos'. Whatever you call it, just make sure you visit.

The Legacy of Lindos

The question of when the Lindos Acropolis was built is like asking how long a piece of string is. The answer? Quite long. The Acropolis has layers of history, each built by various ancient civilisations. The ancient Greeks, Byzantines, and the Knights of St. John all had a hand in creating what you see today.

Why, you ask? Well, it was all about location, location, location. The Dodecanese, with Rhodes being one of its brightest stars, has always been strategically important in the Aegean. So, it's no wonder they all wanted a piece of the Lindos pie.

Things to Do and See at the Lindos Acropolis

If you think it's just a bunch of old rocks, think again. Here's a rundown of the main attractions:

Temple of Athena Lindia: This 4th-century BC marvel is the heart of the Acropolis. Once a significant place of worship, today, it's a testament to the architectural prowess of the ancient Greeks. Pay attention to the intricate carvings and the craftsmanship; they sure knew how to build stuff that lasts.

Medieval Walls: As you explore, you'll notice massive walls that seem like they've been there forever. These walls, constructed by the Knights of St. John, were designed to fortify the area against pirates and other invasions. They did a pretty good job, I'd say.

Hellenistic Stoa: This once-covered walkway stretches an impressive 87 metres. It's a great place to contemplate how our ancient counterparts chilled in the shade while discussing the latest gossip from the Greek islands.

Ancient Theatre: Okay, this one's a personal favourite. Picture this: an open-air theatre carved right out of the rock. Yep, that's the Ancient Theatre for you. It once held up to 1,800 spectators. Imagine the shows.

Panoramic Views: Once you've soaked in all the history, take a moment to appreciate the stunning vistas of Lindos and the azure waters of the Aegean Sea. It's an Instagram moment, minus the filters.

The Lindos Acropolis isn't just a historical site; it's a journey through time, a testament to the human spirit, and a fantastic place to stretch your legs. When making your things-to-do list in Rhodes, be sure to place this gem right at the top. I mean, come on, ancient history paired with breathtaking landscapes? What's not to love?