#chemistry wise it's ridiculous

[boyswanna-be-her]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm recounting all of this kind of mundane shit about BFR for myself because guaranteed I'm going to be trying to understand/recap this narrative while im lonely in colorado. And honestly I know it's gonna be easy for me to forget details and second-guess shit that feels so obvious to me in the moment. So if you don't want a blow by blow of this absolutely PG romantic relationship, just skip this one for now.

Today was really nice and the first day in a little while where I haven't had anything pressing to do. It was pouring at the clinic today--has been all week. Yesterday I sat in my front seat w BFR and we smoked a joint together and made fun of the one wet protester until the rain passed. Great morning.

We had lunch together at one of my favorite taco spots in my old neighborhood, and then we had to walk back to the thai place where we ate dinner the night before bc they'd left their sunglasses behind. We went to a coffee shop for a while where they patiently waited for me to be done with a working meeting on my laptop. Then we took a walk in the park in between rain. It was just seamless, idk. There's no question that we'll go do the next thing together. When the rain wouldn't let up at the park, I suggested we go to one of my fave places in the city, and I drove us to a giant used bookstore that was a few miles away.

I didn't realize until we got there that they'd never been before!! I try to take everyone I can there if they're from out of town, and it is ABSOLUTELY my favorite place to both take a new date and have a special date with an established partner. I don't feel guilty about taking basically everyone I've ever dated there--a good date is a good date. There's a lot of built-in conversation to be had and it's easier than a bar and free to wander around. We accidentally killed an enormous amount of time there, and we shot the shit about 20th century history which is my jam, so amazing to talk abt it w someone who can hang, READS, and doesn't have anything to prove in terms of static knowledge recall.

We hung out for a little while but they had yoga and I wanted to head home so we split up after that and it felt... weird? Like it always feels like there's this last step we are missing to our goodbyes. They forced a hug one time when we were saying goodbye from the clinic, but it was really early on and RIGHT when I was coming to terms with being attracted to them (like second time seeing them after having the realization) which means I was in ultra robot mode, and also assumed it was one-sided and they were just trying to be nice. Like I literally think I did a one arm side hug and they were so dejected they never tried again. Now we're weeks later and it feels weird that we're not kissing goodnight or something.

But I had the evening to myself and finally broke down and talked to someone from my real life about them. He was very affirming that I'm not insane, and just recapping the timeline to someone made it make more sense in my mind. I didn't even have to present half of my evidence for my friend to say yeah, that's going in A Direction. I just second guess it all for a variety of reasons, but for example when I screenshotted a text and sent it as evidence that I feel like they text me like a coworker sometimes, my friend pointed out that nobody in the history of neutral coworkers has ever crafted such a long and careful text. Which. Touche.

This morning we were back out at the clinic bright and early. My friend was supposed to join us but she couldn't at the last minute. Instead she dropped into the chat and asked if someone could fill in for her. If I didn't feel like we were already attracting attention (spoiler: we are), i would've REALLY preferred to jump in and say "noooo worries, no third wheel needed please." But we are getting a little visible. So I didn't. And BFR's friend jumped in to take my friend's place volunteering with us.

I ended up being really happy the friend was there though! The two of us are more like a couple when there IS a third person there, although the vibe can be a lot to navigate sometimes and I often have to shut down and take some time to myself. It wasn't unwelcome to have him there though. It makes the vibe between me & bfr more apparent, pronounced, whatever. We already have such a shorthand in common which 😍 wrow, communication fluency.

I invited his friend to lunch with us, and he accepted, and it was fun--I took them to my favorite Greek place which is legit like three blocks from the clinic.

Friend went on his way, the two of us moved to the next location: their favorite spot to work. I also love this location bc you can watch the afternoon rain and vape furiously on the porch without getting wet. Like I said, today was the first day in a while where neither of us had much to do in the way of work. They have been threatening to inflict their favorite board game on me for a while now, and it finally happened today. I am notoriously uninterested in board games (more like bored games amiright) but the combo of my biggest fan being excited to teach/compliment me on how AMAZING i am at it (rofl lying but ok) and the inherent fun of the game meant that I, uh, had a lot of fun, unfortunately.

We did two REALLY close rounds, and in the second game they almost fully missed a work call they had at 7:00 (I remembered bc i am insane but I also didn't mention it until 6:50 bc I thought maybe they were goofing on me and pretending like they'd lost track of time). Turns out they had been planning on muting and barely looking at the meeting anyway bc they didn't wanna stop playing--which is flattering but I'm also like "[Redacted], i already very much want the best for you, INCLUDING not becoming completely codependent and risking your living bc im so charming and fun" so there was a lot of me pausing the play and asking about the meeting.

By the time that was over, we were already butting up against the time we were supposed to meet their friends to lift tonight. We hadn't eaten dinner but they offered to feed me at their place which was perfect. We went straight back and holy shit their homemade leftovers were delicious.

Their friends came on time to lift and the first thing out of the mouth of the one who knows me better was "you and [redacted] have really been spending a lot of time together huh?" The two of us made eye contact and kinda laughed and BFR said "yep" and both made the 😬 face and the friend wouldn't let it go and repeated "you guys spend all day together now..." and my 😬 face couldn't get any more intense and he said "all day... today..." i said "yep we're pretty codependent." (I'd made the same not-joke yesterday when I was very truly pointing out that I don't remember what to do with my alone time anymore, and they not-jokingly replied "yeah we've ruined each other." Which like. At least we're aware.) Only later did I realize that BFR mustve been talking to the friend about it bc I definitely wasn't and there was no public talk about it in our shared discord so 👀 bitch i see u chatting in private abt me.

Lifting was incredible as always. Their friends who are a decade younger than us and sometimes join us, sometimes don't, really crack me up and I have such a good rapport with one of the guys that I think I lift better with him around (the one who was giving us a hard time tonight). He dishes out the abuse I give him while lifting, which I love. Between him and bfr, I feel like a fucking all-star lifter in that little garage gym. They talk positively about my form when they don't even realize I can hear them. Even so, BFR will not hesitate to call me out when a lift looks bad or I need a cue.

So yeah. It's nice. Hanging out at their place, being fed, getting let in on a LOT more inner details than I got in the first months of knowing them. That's all lovely. I always try to text them and let them know when I've had a lot of fun with them, and that's just basically turned into a nightly check-in. On Sunday, I got a very coworkery (imo) message from them about enjoying our time together, thanking me for my "wonderful company," thanking me for spending so much time together, thanking me for attending so many events with them, and saying that they are "definitely down to keep hanging out in the future." At the time I felt like "that's a weirdly formal way to put all this" but getting home to tonight's much more neurotic message made it make more sense (along w the feedback from a trusted friend who makes good points). Like it was a careful message because they are being exceedingly careful with me. They know some of my more obvious damage (all the psychic sucking chest wounds are hard to ignore after a few weeks of learning about me, and i've been going out of my way to be quite "warts and all" with them). They value our time together A LOT. And the more that I understand our similarities, the more I know that they're also likely really fucking scared to endanger the chemistry of this friendship by introducing ANY other dynamic.

Im finally getting to the end here. Tumblr will probably eat this entry. I'm posting it before a full edit--RIP anyone parsing this.

But the message that I came home to tonight was FINALLY a little more vulnerable, and essentially said that if I want to spend LESS time with them, I'm going to have to tell them that straight up, and that that'll be ok, but if so they need to lnow because this is the amount of time they want to spend with me (all of it), and they don't anticipate that changing.

So! Guess I'll puke and die now! Literally spent five minutes last night considering how I could smuggle them to Colorado with me. Also I haven't had anywhere to put this but since this is an all-bfr all the time blog now, we are going to go on a trip together to chicago in August! There's an actual reason to go other than lovefest vacation (pretty much a work trip for them that I've been asked to tag along for) but as we are actually finalizing the trip plans, it definitely feels more than a little bit like we are going on a lovefest vacation. Which is all the more reason why it would be great to not be hella conspicuous (even though it's a little fun being hella conspicuous).

Like I didn't need another human to come validate my existence, but I *did* need to meet someone who could threaten the idea that I'm ready to die alone. It's nice. It's all nice!! I'm definitely not crying and throwing up!!!

[yoongihan]

We're Friends - Jeongin/I.N

for the blossoming love event by @skzwritingcafe

pairing: jeongin x femreader

genre: angst, fluff, light smut, friends to lovers

rating: M

word count: ~11k (don't ask)

warnings: light smut (heavy making out, mention of erection, wanting to have sex, etc.), language (f word mostly), underage drinking, reader is a year and a month older than jeongin (so 'noona' is used, she calls him 'agi'), he is taller than reader, actual romantic things happen between them when he's 17 and she's 18, as well as when she's just turned 20 and he's days away from 19 (if you have any issue with that, please ignore my story and move on), school is a weird mix of American and Korean education, mentions of Seungmin & Changbin, Jisung and Hyunjin make one major appearance, this is hella self-indulgent so you've been warned.

a/n: to my jeongin anon, this is so long in coming...I'm sorry. It took ages and it's ridiculously long. i hope you like it! to @jl-micasea-fics who told me it wasn't terrible, thank you. to any reader out there, it's a bunch of vignettes chronicling when they met to when feelings are finally realized, so about five years. this occurs in the same universe as I Adore You (though timeline-wise, this is earlier than Jisung's story) and A Big Neon Sign. you do not have to have read either of those though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In truth, the only thing you and Jeongin had in common was an older, athletic brother.

His brother was on the high school baseball team and so was yours. 

While your brother, Changbin was a senior, mentoring all the younger teammates, Jeongin’s brother Seungmin was your age, a sophomore; making Jeongin a freshman when you met him.

It sucks to be the younger sibling, stuck in the same high school as your older, much more appreciated sibling. 

You had your driver’s permit, but your brother was loathed to let you ever use the car, even when you promised that you’d just run home and come to pick him back up when practice was over. It was a clear and vehement ‘no.’ 

Illegal too, but still. 

You had Seungmin in a few classes. Not only was he good at hitting a ball with a stick, but he also kicked ass at Chemistry. Which was only good for you as he had gotten stuck as your lab partner for the year. You two worked well enough together (he did the hard stuff and you just listened to his instructions because none of Chemistry made sense to you; it was your parents’ stubborn insistence that had you in Honors), but you wouldn’t say you and Seungmin were close, or even friends. 

Just amiable classmates. 

Baseball pre-season started once basketball was in playoffs, and you were relegated to attempting to study while planted on a set of bleachers in the still-chilly weather. 

Unlike last year though, this time you have company.

In the late winter sun, his dark hair has an auburn tinge as he rests his chin on his hand, making his lips purse in pout. When your footsteps are audible above the last cars leaving the school parking lot, his head turns toward you so fast, you worry about his neck. 

You give a twist of your hand to say hi.

He sits up, eyes big behind his black-rimmed glasses and you can see him swallow as he waves back.

“Hi.” 

He has braces. 

You point toward the baseball field. “You have a brother out there, too?”

He relaxes slightly in the shoulders but tenses up again when you plop down on the same bleacher. 

“Yeah. Seungmin.”

“Oh.” You vaguely remember Seungmin saying he had a brother. “I have a couple classes with him.”

The younger boy blinks at you. “Yeah?”

You introduce yourself and gesture toward the field again, naming your brother. 

“Jeongin. I mean, I’m Jeongin.”

He seems jumpy, his hands gripping his knees. It’s surprising because you don’t think you look the least bit intimidating

You stare at the outfield, the hazy silhouettes in white and red before turning to Jeongin.

“I keep telling myself I can’t wait until I can drive myself, but then I remember I have to share a car with my brother which really isn’t  the freedom I was hoping for.”

He blinks a few times as though he needs a moment or two to process your words then he smiles. 

Okay, for a little freshman with braces, he’s cute. 

“I just got my permit, but Min-hyung barely lets me practice.”

You roll your eyes in solidarity. “Older brothers are the worst.”

He nods then shakes his head. “I mean, he’s not all bad.”

You laugh. “You can’t go back now, Jeongin. Older brothers, even when they are nice, are the worst. Especially athletes.”

The smile appears again. “A little.” 

“So, you don’t play?” You gesture back to the field.

He shakes his head adamantly. “Not my thing.”

“What is your thing?”

He shrugs again.

“Still figuring it out?”

He meets your eyes and you don’t know why you’ve spoken this much to a freshman boy, but you have and you think he seems nice. But when your eyes meet, you realize that it’s more than that.

You want to be friends. It’s a weird, deep-in-your-gut feeling that honestly terrifies you a little bit. 

“Yeah,” he says softly, “still figuring it out.”

—

It continues like that. Four days a week after school. You and Jeongin stuck together while waiting for your more impressive siblings to finish their impressive voluntary physical exertion. Sometimes you wave to him at the games, when he’s stuck between his parents, looking miserable. You stopped doing that when he told you his parents wanted to know if you were his girlfriend.

“I didn’t know how to explain that we were just friends.” He’s pouting at his science textbook.

“Just saying ‘we’re friends’ seems to be plenty explanatory.”

He snorts. “You’d think.”

You smile at him before looking over at his textbook. “Need help?”

By the time you can drive without supervision and baseball season is over you (his parents and your parents’ approval given eventually) give him rides home as Seungmin transitions into travel ball and private lessons. Jeongin doesn’t seem to mind having you as a chauffeur. You still have to get the car back to Changbin as he now does Track & Field (discus throwing, of course), so sometimes you just study with Jeongin; at his house, or the closest coffeehouse or diner. 

Your classmates (kinda friends if you think that just hanging out at lunch and sharing notes in class makes a friendship) ask you the same thing his parents do.

You iterate that you and Jeongin are friends. 

No one believes you, but you can’t be bothered with the suppositions. It’s nice to have a guy friend who is unrelated to any other part of your school life. 

Changbin’s graduation is around the corner, and you wonder if perhaps that’s the end of your brief, but nice thing with Jeongin. 

So, you ask him.

“I won’t be forced to stay after school next year,” you begin.

Jeongin looks up from his history textbook, his eyes glazed over behind his glasses. 

“No older brother.”

“Exactly,” you point at him with your milkshake straw. A little drips onto the plastic table, but you ignore it. “However, you are not so lucky. And won’t have your license till February, right?”

He nods then blinks a few times as he puts it all together. “Wait…would you…I mean, do you still want to hang out?”

You don’t know how to feel about his expression. It’s more shock than anything else. Is he unaware that he’s your friend? Is this something you have to explain clearly and overtly to boys? 

Changbin did tell you once that guys were idiots (it had been a ‘don’t ever date’ kind of convo, but you suppose it still applies). 

“Yes.” You refrain from saying ‘obviously’ at the end of it.

He smiles (and you will never tell a soul how much you like his smile, braces and all). “Okay.”

“However, once you can drive too��you have to drive me around sometimes, agi”

He nods emphatically after making a face at the nickname (you’ll always call him that). “Of course, yes, absolutely.” He takes a fry from the plate of them you have in between you on the table. “Good.”

“Good?” 

You see his face turn pink, and he quickly busies himself with history again. You let it go, but that moment still lodges itself in your brain; ready to be pondered over much much later down the road. 

–

High school is a drudgery, and you get through it with little to no permanent damage. You date once during your junior year, and your time with Jeongin decreases. It’s logistics, but you find you miss him. 

When you break up with him, you even mention that.

“Huh?” Jeongin is this time indulging in a milkshake.

“I didn’t have as much time to hang out with you. Since we don’t have classes together, it’s like maybe I saw you once or twice a month. For six months of dating him.” You make a face. “Didn’t like it.”

When he doesn’t say anything, you look up from your notebook to see that ever-familiar blush warming his cheeks. 

“What?” you say.

“Missed you too, noona.”

You graduate somewhere in the middle of your class and start the ever-exciting process of prepping for dorm life in the city two hours away, Jeongin comes along to help you pick out bedding and various other items.

“No.”

You raise your eyebrows at him. “No?”

He shakes his head. “You cannot continue to only wear guys’ jeans in college.”

“And why not?”

“Just…trust me?” He drags you toward the women’s section, and starts picking out jeans, and tops; piling them into your arms. “They actually have ‘boyfriend fit’ for girls, you know.”

“That seems stupid.”

He looks at you. “Don’t you want to up your fashion game a bit?”

“Jeongin, just cause you care about it, doesn’t mean I do.”

He says your name in a very disappointed way, his bright expression turning toward pouting. 

He knows you’re a pushover.

“Fine, fine. You get free rein for now. But know I’ll just end up in pajamas for most of college anyway. That’s the brilliance of college.”

He lights up immediately. “So we can get you some cute pjs too.”

You have created a monster.

–

When you say goodbye to him the day before you leave to move into the dorms, you realize something. As you hug him (which surprises you both because he’s not real physically affectionate, and you tend to respect that), you feel his hands at your back and the brief contact of his cheek on top of your head (when did he get taller than you?). He’s grown up a lot.

Which makes you feel a little weird.

You two break apart awkwardly and you have to force yourself to look at him. He’s glancing at the ground.

“I won’t be far.”

“I know, noona.” 

You swallow, feeling dumb for feeling as much as you do. 

“Don’t get too cool as a senior to talk to me.”

He meets your eyes then, making a face. “I don’t expect to be cool, ever.”

Maybe it’s the fact that you’re a little older, or maybe because you like to observe your peers almost like a zoologist in the wilds of high school, but you think that Jeongin very easily could be cool by current standards. 

He’s pretty enough. And interesting enough though that might be why he can’t be. High schoolers don’t seem to appreciate actually interesting humans. 

What if he gets popular and doesn’t need you anymore?

“Noona…” he begins, his hands deep in his jeans pockets. “Thanks.”

You feel your forehead furrow in confusion. “For?”

There’s the blush that he wears all too often. “Just…high school was better cause we were friends.”

Oh jeez. You better get back home or you might hug him again. 

“Yeah. Same.” You nod and take a step back. “I’ll text you when I’m unpacked okay? You want to visit the school anyway, right?”

“Yeah.” He also walks backward. “I’ll see you?”

Why do you kind of want to cry, too?

“Absolutely.”

When you get into your car, you linger before driving away, watching him walk back to his house. 

– 

Freshman year in college is a lot. Not with studies because you’ve always been pretty decent at that, but everything else. There’s so much more time available and that overwhelms you a bit. Classes take only a percentage of your day and then there’s new people, living-on-your-own assimilation, and well…parties.

You never went to parties in high school. You weren’t invited (no big deal) because your brother was Changbin and he was invited, but not the little sister. Again, it wasn’t a big deal as you didn’t know that you wanted to go.

But now, you could. Changbin’s at a different university entirely and no one (well, maybe one or two former classmates) knows who you are and there’s a lot of freedom in that.

So when you get invited to one, you decide to go.

But you ask Jeongin to come with. 

You both lie to his parents (you’re pretty sure you’re going to hell for lying to the Yangs because they’ve never been anything but nice to you) that he’s doing a college visit overnight. And yes, he’s visiting, but there’s no class you’ll be going to, even if the party is a Thursday night and technically you could have class on Friday (you usually do, but your Everyday Biology professor canceled class for something he won’t reveal (you suspect a convention for other science nerds), neither you nor Jeongin will be attending.

Your roommate spends 90% of her sleeping hours at her boyfriend’s place, so you know that Jeongin can crash with you. 

Though he seems a little nervous about it. 

“I washed and changed her sheets, okay?” you say. “I even asked her if it’s fine.”

Jeongin is staring at the bed (there are a lot of pillows for one person to be sure). “And she said it was okay?”

“She hasn’t technically answered, but it’s been two days. If she had a major issue, I would have received a text.” You walk over to him, take his overnight bag, and toss it on the bed. “See, you’re good.” 

Between his arrival and party time, you guys camp out in your room, catching up on everything and nothing. His senior year and he’s taking four advanced placement classes (he’s just as smart as his brother, though far more subtle about it), a girl he’s thinking about dating, but feels a bit unsure.

“Why?” You give up on the behemoth of Paradise Lost for your literature class in favor of this discussion. You know he’s gone on dates, but he doesn’t talk about it. Occasionally he asks ‘hypothetical’ questions about girls, but Jeongin’s always been pretty private about romance. 

“She’s not…” Jeongin presses his lips together, thinking. “We don’t have much in common. Like she’s a cheerleader.”

You know not all cheerleaders are the stereotype, but it’s hard not to make a face at that reveal of information. 

“It’s not like it’s a lifetime commitment, agi.”

He lets out a sigh. “I know. And it’s our last year, so it can’t go anywhere, so should I even start it?”

You shrug. “I’m not gonna tell you yes or no, but I think seeing the potential end before even beginning is on a level of cynicism not even I have.”

He laughs. “Fair.” He’s quiet again and you look back at the stupid epic poem you have to read and understand. “I’m nervous about kissing her.”

It’s mumbled, his words, but for whatever reason, you hear it clearly.

“Wait, what? Why?” You scoot to the edge of your bed. “You’ve kissed before…?” Again, not an oft-discussed topic for you both, but still, you’re pretty sure he has. 

This is definitely new territory for your friendship.

You also realize that you’ve missed seeing his blush.

“Yeah, but not like…kissing.” He emphasizes the last word, face pink. 

“No tongue?”

“Jeez, noona.”

“You brought it up,” you say quickly so you don’t blush in embarrassment.

He covers his face with his hands. “I know. And no. I haven’t. And it’s dumb and everyone has and I should be an expert at my age and–”

“Hey…there’s not ‘should be,’ okay?” you interrupt and move to sit next to him on your roommate’s bed. You pat his knee. “Your path is your path. Whatever speed you move is fine.” 

He turns to look at you and even a month apart has changed him. His face seems so much sharper; cheekbones, nose, and jawline. Even his eyes seem more mature. 

Your cute friend has become handsome. 

“If she likes you, she’s not gonna care about whether you kiss perfectly or not.” You pause, wondering if you should share, but you decide might as well. “Less tongue is always better, especially when kissing someone new.”

“Yeah?”

You nod, knowing you didn’t avoid your face heating from the convo, but he’s your friend. He should benefit from your experiences. 

“Hey, find someone to kiss tonight at the party,” you suggest even as your stomach twists oddly. “Risk-free, you know? Unlikely you’ll ever see them again and you can get the first-time nerves out of the way.”

He stares at you for a few seconds, almost long enough for you to call him on it, but then drops his gaze to his lap. “Yeah, maybe.” 

You lose Jeongin about a half hour after showing up to the party. You don’t mean to; in fact, you worry a lot when you can’t find him immediately. You work through the crowd (you had no idea your school had this many people honestly), searching for him (he’s decently tall, you should be able to spot him). He’s not in the kitchen with the drinks, nor, on the patio with the stoners, nor in the living area with the dancers…did he go upstairs?

Your heart is thumping so hard right now as you imagine someone drugging your dearest friend and harvesting his kidneys (which you can fix because he can just have yours) when you squeeze behind some couple making out by the stairs. You grab the rail to steady yourself (you had two shots, but you are very much a lightweight) before you run right into him.

“Noona!”

You don’t hear that all that well (wow parties are loud), but you see his mouth form the word and everything in you just calms down. You grab him by the sleeve of his very nice pullover and drag him away from the stairs and main crowd, toward a mostly isolated corner. 

“Fuck sakes, Jeongin, I nearly had a heart attack when I couldn’t find you,” you begin before stopping to turn toward him. As you tilt your head up to meet his eyes, you sort of lose your train of thought. 

He’s looking at you differently. 

“Are you…are you okay?” you manage to get out. Maybe it’s the dim lighting, or the alcohol, or even the pulse of the music that seems to sound all the same, but your heart isn’t returning to normal rate despite finding him. 

His eyes are so dark. 

He moves into your personal space, which is hella unusual because the boy loves his own space, his head dropping just a touch. You back up a few steps, but there’s a wall that stops you. You watch, wide-eyed, as he rests his arm on the wall just above you, bracing himself.

Oh god, he’s leaning.

“Noona…” he says and now you can hear it, even though it’s mostly just breath. He’s a lot closer than he was a second ago. “Didn’t mean to worry you.”

You should reassure him, but you don’t think you can speak. Not when his mouth is inches away. 

He has a really nice mouth.

“So…did you find someone to kiss?” you squeak. You’d reminded him of that right before entering the fraternity house. He’d still looked nervous but had agreed.

He nods before cupping your cheek in his hand. 

“Oh yeah?” you might start babbling in a second. “Point ‘em out to me and maybe I–”

It’s quiet all of a sudden. All the noise mutes when his lips touch yours, soft and seeking. You haven’t kissed anyone since your boyfriend of six months in your junior year, and it’s like you forgot how nice that simple pressure can be. 

For a second or two, his mouth is still, but then you feel his tongue graze your lips and you let him in without a single thought (pretty sure your brain no longer works) and he sweeps in. 

He’s had a few drinks himself. You can taste the sweet and bitter, and it’s intoxicating. His hand wanders from your face down your neck. Light touches that make you shiver and reach out to pull him close. Your hands catch him by the hips and you pull until he’s pressed against you. 

You had forgotten how good this can feel. And he feels especially good when he breaks away to press kisses to the corner of your lips. 

“Okay?” he murmurs. “Not too much tongue?”

Your body tightens at the low timbre of his voice. God, you want all his weight heavy on you, to feel every slant, plane, curve, and angle of his body. 

“Noona?” he prompts, already pulling away when you don’t answer. Your eyes open in panic and you slide your hands into his hair and don’t let him get too far. You can see he looks surprised, but you barely think about it, returning his mouth to yours. This time it’s your tongue that gains entrance, stroking his. You feel his moan, his hands sliding down your torso to your hips and behind. His grip pushes you against him so both of you can feel exactly how hard he is.

You wiggle, trying to find the friction that might release some of the tension that has taken you over. He gasps, his breath short; he turns his head to get oxygen, but you continue to taste him, your mouth along his jawline to his neck. You tug at the collar of his pullover to you can nip around his collarbone. His fingers dig into your ass when you bite a little hard. 

Fuck, you actually want to fuck your friend.

He whimpers your name and that’s when your brain starts to work again.

Fuck, you want to fuck your friend. 

You jerk back so hard that your head hits the wall, but it barely affects you. You can see the mottled red of his skin, from your mouth and teeth.

He just wanted to kiss someone and you just took that to a whole other level. 

“Jeongin…” you try to speak, though your panting is a bit much and your body is not happy at all with such an unsatisfactory ending. 

You crave.

His gaze is back on you, and there’s trepidation in those sinfully dark eyes and you hate yourself so much in this moment.

“I’m sorry.” Because what else can you say?

His lips part and you want to kiss them so badly, but apparently, your self-control has returned. 

“You’re sorry?”

You nod quickly, emphatically. “You were just practicing and I just…I’m so sorry.” You drop your head, the euphoria of what just happened morphing into absolute shame and misery. “You’re a very good kisser and I just got caught up. I shouldn’t have. I’m sor–”

“I get it.”

You peer back up at him. His hands have left you cold, returning to the pockets of his pants. He smiles at you, but you can tell it’s uncomfortable. 

You’ve made your friend uncomfortable. 

“I’m–”

His hand covers your mouth immediately. “Don’t say it again. I get it.” He meets your eyes before dropping his hand. “I think I want another drink.” And he walks away as you slump against the wall, your head hazy and confused and your heart aching. 

–

You don’t talk about it. He finds you sometime later that night, hand on your shoulder before he asks if you’re ready to head back. As you’ve been worried sick most of the night, you agree. You walk back to your dorm, shivering in the early fall wind. 

You don’t know what to say, so you don’t say anything. 

He sleeps in your roommate’s bed, several feet away from you, and your body hums at knowing he’s there. Despite the alcohol (now effectively out of your system as you didn’t drink anything but water after that ‘incident’), you seem to remember everything about him in perfect detail, your senses overwhelmed. 

It takes you forever to fall asleep. 

The next day is awkward, but neither of you comments on it, going to breakfast in the student union. You laugh actually when you see how happy all the food choices make him and though he grumbles at you making fun of him (you’re not at all…you just really like his smile and his joy), it feels like maybe it’ll all be okay. 

Never mind that when he gets into his family’s car to head back home, you don’t hug and though that’s not that unusual, it feels like you should do something and what you really want to do is kiss him again. 

It’s like you’ve opened up Pandora’s box and it’s full of Jeongin.

–

You don’t see Jeongin during winter holidays. You and your family travel to see relatives, and he disappears during the second half of the break to go with friends on a ski trip.

With his girlfriend.

His kissing apparently worked because you’ve seen a few photos posted with him and her. He gets tagged in a lot more of her posts than him posting, but yeah. The cheerleader and he seem to have worked out.

Which is good.

Even if you feel weird about it. 

You two still message each other from time to time. He often contacts you with a question about his college application or one of the teachers he currently has (you had them all before), but he doesn’t say much about his social life. Or his romantic life.

The day of the party seems to have been a one-off. 

So, when you see him right before classes start, it’s for all of ten minutes as he has to head to his girlfriend’s party. 

“I’m so sorry,” he huffs out as he jogs to where you are, leaning on your car in the high school parking lot. It’s a good meeting point, about halfway between your homes and you’re feeling weirdly nostalgic about the place. “I thought I could hang out for maybe an hour or two, but there’s this list of things I have to pick up and–”

“It’s okay,” you interrupt him, smiling. It’s so good to see him in person. Even if his appearance seems to be improving (not that it needed to) each time you do. His hair is wavy right now, still with auburn hints and though he could wear a puffer jacket and look more put together than you, he’s wearing a beige overcoat and looks like he belongs in a fashion magazine. “You look good.”

The compliment stops him from speaking for a second. The tell-tale blush showing up on his cheeks, the little tug on his ear. 

“Uh. Thanks.” He moves to stand next to you, also leaning on your car. “Did you have a good holiday?”

You shrug. “Mostly stuck with relatives who can’t remember my name let alone what I actually care about. But it was fine.” You cross your arms as the winter wind bites through your scarf. “Yours?” You look over him. “Doesn’t look like skiing ended too badly.”

He laughs and shakes his head. “No, though I stuck mostly to the beginners’ slopes. I’ll leave the physical prowess to Min.” He stares ahead at the empty outdoor lunch tables. “I had fun.”

You nod. “Good. that’s good. And…I mean, I see the posts. Stuff is going good with your…girlfriend?”

He looks down at you. “Yeah.”

“Good.” Never mind that you sounded the awkwardest you’ve ever sounded. “Good.”

“You don’t tell me much about uni, noona. Just the occasional, ‘this happened to someone I know’.” He gently elbows you. “Do you do anything other than study and go to class?”

“I sleep and eat too.”

“Noona.”

You shrug. “This coming from you, who never ventured out unless I made you…”

“Times change.”

His words hit you in the gut, almost like you can’t breathe for half a second. Times do change. The fact that talking to him makes you a little nervous, that you try not to stare at him, the twist in your stomach remembering that he has a girlfriend…all of it tells you that the friendship you cherished the most has changed. 

And seems unlikely to ever go back to the way it was. 

You hear a vibrating sound, deduce that it isn’t yours but his and keep your very melancholy thoughts to yourself. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and glances at the screen. 

“You need to go.”

He sighs. “I’m sorry.”

You force a smile to your lips. “It’s okay. Go drink and be merry. I’m glad I got to see you. Even if just for a little bit.”

He turns toward you, in so doing blocking some of the wind, and cocks his head in thought. “You sound sad.”

“Aren’t you? We have to go back to school tomorrow.” 

He chuckles and tugs on your coat sleeve. “Give me a hug and I’ll see you later.”

You don’t question that he asks for a hug, you’re not going to question any semblance of physical affection from him. You just wrap your arms around his middle and hold him tight. He’s so very warm and solid. 

You feel his chin rest on top of your head for a brief second before he draws back. 

“Take care, noona.”

“You too, agi.” 

–

Spring semester seems like a whirlwind. It’s all dead and grey in January and February, then everything speeds up like a roller coaster on its way down. You are grateful you focused on getting all the gen ed classes out of the way, but it makes for a chaotic focus during those months. 

The only time you actually talk to Jeongin is right after his birthday.

“Noona.”

You answer the phone without thinking, assuming your parents’ have called because no one from your generation calls on the phone. 

You pause at his voice. “Jeongin.”

“This gift.”

You wrack your brain about the present you gave him. It’s a mere 40000 won gift card because you aren’t exactly rolling it in at your part-time job on campus. You’re hoping he uses the gift card when he starts to get stuff for dormitory life because, honestly, back-to-school shopping for university (not counting overpriced textbooks) is the best thing ever. 

“That gift.” You wonder if you should apologize because it’s so small, but you know Jeongin. He is not obsessed with money any more than any young person is: wishing to have more, but unable to make it yet, wondering if it will bring all happiness like the world tells you so. 

“Noona,” he is not impressed with your cluelessness. “The attachment.”

Oh.

So one of the few friends you’ve made at uni, who you feel pretty comfortable with, is Jisung. You met him in freshman composition, and though your majors are massively and diametrically opposed, you two keep up. He’s in computer science and you’re in the social sciences (possibly anthropology, but who knows). He is constantly working on new ideas for apps, software, games; often starting one project one day and then abandoning it for another the next. 

The only reason you know this is because you often crash at their (he and his roommate Hyunjin) off-campus apartment. It’s quieter and less…well, dorm-y. Because of that, you see and hear about the constant line of projects come and go for Jisung. One of the projects that stuck around for a bit was what you sent Jeongin.

A digital fashion book (more like an online photo album, but the appearance was pretty slick, as was the way the pages turned, annotating photo captions and linking to original sites) entitled “What I’d Get Jeongin If I Had Money…And Fashion Sense.” 

You’d done your research, looking at recent trends and articles (okay headlines because you cannot read an entire article on fashion) and perused the interwebs for clothing pieces you thought might look nice on Jeongin, inputting it into Jisung’s program (with his help - only with the computery stuff…he was about as helpless as you about fashion) to create the final product. It was both a gift and help for Jisung with an assignment as he needed some example of what he’d been working on for one of his computer classes, you just changed Jeongin’s name for him to turn in.

“So you liked it?” you ask tentatively. You had second-guessed yourself a million times since sending it. Was it too much? Did it look like you paid way too much attention? Was it stupid? Was it a really bad representation of what his friendship meant to you? Were the pieces you picked all horrible?

There is a pause on the other end of the phone call. “It’s brilliant.”

You slump in relief, your head landing on your pillow. “Yeah?”

“No, really. This is cool. I like everything you picked out.” He chuckles. “Maybe my fashion has rubbed off on you.”

“We can only hope.”

He laughs again. “Really. This is…this is nice.”

You hear beyond his words. What you sent matters to him. And maybe in knowing that, he knows that he matters to you. 

The phone call doesn’t last much longer after that. You ask about how his birthday went, and he tells you about going out with his girlfriend and friends even though he kinda wanted to stay in. But it was fun and he doesn’t feel any different being eighteen. You promise to tell Jisung that he liked his gift (you’ve mentioned Jisung and his roommates a time or two) and that you’d be at graduation to see Jeongin in cap and gown. 

“And I’ll see you on campus next year,” he says as the call wraps up. 

“I know. I had no idea the film department here was something that interested you.”

“We’ll see. I like movies…and thinking too much about movies sometimes. Maybe it’s a good idea. Maybe it’s a bad one.”

“It’s just a choice, Jeongin. You can always change it if you want to.”

He sighs. “Yeah. Choices still have to be made though.”

You wonder if he has other choices on his mind and you want to ask, but you are still a bit reticent regarding what you can and can’t talk to him about. 

You wonder if his girlfriend knows enough about him to understand that he hadn’t wanted to go out for his birthday.

“I better go…” he continues. “Talk later?”

“Yeah. Talk later.”

“Thanks again for this…both gifts.”

You hang up soon after that and though you were in the middle of reading for class, you stare at your ceiling for a few minutes, wondering if having Jeongin on campus will either get you two back to the friendship you used to have or just spiral this crush even more.

–

You survive your freshman year. No flying colors on grades or anything, but acceptable passes, even a few above averages.  There isn’t much fanfare on completing your first year of college, but there is when you graduate high school, so you make plans to slip into the high school gymnasium on that Saturday after you move home to see Jeongin walk across the stage. 

He looks so tall.

You clap as enthusiastically as you can without bringing attention to yourself, though it doesn’t matter because quite a few students cheer for him (he did get popular). The whole ceremony is a weird thing to sit through once you’re on the other side, but the nostalgia is nice. 

Almost makes you think high school was a pleasant thing (it wasn’t, anyone who says it was you will never trust). 

When it’s over, you start to head toward the parking lot thinking that you’ll message him later, but you hear your name shouted. You turn to see him, graduation robe unzipped and flying behind him a bit like a superhero cape.

He bounds up to you, all smiles and joy. 

God. Look at him.

“Hi,” you say when he stops in front of you.

“You came.”

Now you’re the one blushing and embarrassed. You drop your gaze. “Of course. You came to mine.”

He makes an unimpressed sound. “Seungmin.”

You laugh and look back up. “Okay. You came because of Seungmin, but fair is fair.”

He hugs you. No warning at all. He’s as warm as the day is, right on the verge of too hot. 

“Congrats for surviving, agi,” you mutter into his shoulder before he draws back.

“Thanks.” He beams at you, clearly on a high of finally being done. “There’s a party tonight. Wanna come?”

You raise an eyebrow. “Of graduates?”

He nods.

“I…hmmm…”

He laughs at your reluctance. “Okay, noona. But soon. We’ll hang out?”

You nod. “Yeah. Go back to your family.” You ‘shoo’ him away. He laughs again before squeezing your hand. 

“Thank you for coming.” And he disappears back into the crowd of family and students. 

You walk back to your car, shaking your head at how much damn fluttering your heart did during that five minutes of interaction. 

–

The summer post-freshman year has been…normal. You work to get some extra money, catch up with a few high school friends who are home as well. 

But you spend most of your time with Jeongin. 

“Your girlfriend…doesn’t mind?” You ask him late in June after realizing that you have seen him three days in a row (he’s also gotten a job at the mall you work at; though he’s at a clothing store and you avidly blend smoothies for people).

You’re both on break (you and he may have tried to get your shifts at similar times so you can have lunch together) and he’s scrolling through his phone after finishing a box of fried chicken. 

“Doesn’t mind what?”

You poke at your pasta with your fork. “Us hanging out so much?”

He cocks his head to the side as he looks up from his phone. “Well…it’s not really a thing.”

“What’s not a thing?”

“She and I aren’t… a thing.”

“You’re not?” You’re so confused right now.

He shrugs. “She’s traveling all this summer and wanted not to be ‘tied down’ and I guess…” He trails off. “I guess it didn’t bother me that she felt that way. Which seems like maybe I didn’t want to be tied down either.” 

“Oh.”

He smirks. “We never talk about this, noona. Why are you so interested?”

You poke at your pasta again. “I just thought it was weird that you hadn’t said anything about her. That’s a big part of your life…a significant other.” You swallow. “I am trying to be a good friend here.” You lift your chin, daring him to argue.

He laughs and steals your fork to take a bite of your food. “Don’t try so hard. It’s weird.” 

“Thanks.”

He chews slowly before speaking again. “It’s okay, you know? I liked her, but it wasn’t…we weren’t…” he shrugs again. “We just weren’t.”

He meets your gaze.

“I’m okay.”

You nod. “Okay.”

He glances at his phone. “But you’re not because you only have a minute left.”

You curse and jump out of your seat, moving to clean up, but he waves you off.

“I got it, noona.” He smiles again at you and you just want to hug him. 

–

Life at university with Jeongin is something. You’re happy to have him near again. Neither of you has a single class together, but you never did in high school, so that’s not new. Whether by happenstance or an unconscious intention on both your parts, you make sure to have lunch or coffee with each other at least once a week; though usually twice. There’s something enjoyable about hearing his new experiences with classes and classmates, and dorm life. He shares things with you via messages but it’s much more fun to see his facial expressions and hear his voice intonations when he imitates a certain professor or classmate. 

You introduce him to Jisung (and subsequently Hyunjin) and they all click like they’ve known each other forever. They baby Jeongin a little bit and you know it gets on his nerves (you’re pretty good at reading his subtle tics when he’s with others), but he also seems to enjoy having big brothers nearby (you know he misses Seungmin because you miss Changbin even if neither of you wants to admit how much you love your older brothers). Sometimes you find out later that he’s been hanging out with them, without you, and though it’s annoying for him to steal your friends, you also don’t mind much because well…it’s Jeongin.

Who you might be a little in love with.

Perhaps that isn’t a revelation to anyone if they’d been inside your mind for the last year or so, but to you, it’s kind of a smack in the face. This is Jeongin, your best friend since he was fourteen and you were fifteen. You don’t believe in stories about childhood best friends to lovers as they always seemed a bit too idealistic to be real. You know that he can smell gross when he comes in from mowing his parents’ yard. You’ve seen him when he gets out of bed in the morning (nope, never mind that’s not a bad image and you need to stop thinking immediately). 

He’s just Jeongin, your friend who can be a little quiet, a lot savage, who loves fashion and movies and often looks at you like you’ve grown another head when you start talking about how eastern culture deals with death in healthier ways than western culture. 

You deal with this epiphany like you deal with most things: acknowledge it, but don’t do anything about it.

Winter break comes and goes with little fanfare. Jeongin tells you that he’s moving in with Jisung and Hyunjin and you make a face at him because why does he get to live off campus as a freshman when you’re still stuck on campus as a sophomore. You send a message to Jisung saying basically the same thing, and both of them assure you that you can crash there any time you need to get away and that they are protecting you by not letting you move in because they’re boys and are gross.

You’re somewhat appeased.

–

“A party?” 

Jeongin is nodding as Jisung spins in his office chair for no reason other than the fact that he has an office chair that rolls and spins. You’re on Jisung’s bed with Jeongin, avoiding your research work for an hour or so by listening to Jisung ramble on about some anime that he and the rest of the apartment have gotten into. 

You make a note to consider studying why animes capture teen and 20-something boys the way they do.

“We’re having a party,” Jisung repeats, like his mentioning it wasn’t out of the blue. “A welcome party for Innie, for the new semester, for the fact that none of us ever go to parties which shows just how pathetic we are in our college lives.”

“I’ve been to college parties,” you say before the weight of those words hits you. You try to glance at Jeongin without too much obviousness. He meets your gaze and you can’t hear Jisung’s words for at least a minute.

You look away, the memory of that party flooding your brain, your senses. You’ve kissed since then, haven’t you? A kiss isn’t that big a deal…even if you have feelings…it’s just a kiss. 

Jisung stops spinning in his chair and looks at the both of you. “What?”

You clear your throat. “Nothing.”

“Bullshit.” He points at Jeongin. “Spill.”

Jeongin has never been easily intimidated by anyone, especially Jisung. He points back. “No.” 

That doesn’t stop your hyperactive friend. “Ohhhhhh.”

Which annoys the shit out of you.

“Oh god, it’s nothing, okay?” You throw up your hands, frustrated that this event still holds so much sway over you. “He came out to visit last year, and came to a party with me, we both were drunk and kissed. That’s it. Just a drunk, dumb thing.”

Jisung starts cackling at your confession, but in your peripheral, you see Jeongin focus on you. 

“It wasn’t that dumb,” he says so softly that you don’t think Jisung hears, before getting up off the bed. “I have to finish watching two more silent films for class.” He cuffs Jisung on the head as he leaves the bedroom. Jisung rubs his head before looking at you. 

“So…you coming to the party?”

–

You’re in the corner of the hallway and living area of the guys’ apartment. You’re nursing a red solo cup of some concoction that Hyunjin handed you when you walked into the kitchen. You don’t know what you expected from this party, but this many people was not it. You apparently had blocked out the idea that anyone existed outside the bubble of the four of you though you recognize a fair amount of people milling about. 

So you could go talk to them.

But you stay where you are, watching. 

Your eyes find Jeongin more often than not (the radar you have for him is hella annoying). Currently, he’s talking to two girls you don’t know…maybe freshmen like him. They’re pretty; smiling and gazing at him like they see exactly how stupidly attractive your friend is.

You begrudgingly admire them for actually making their interest known. Even if you seethe just a little.

“Talking to people is not the worst thing, you know.”

“Go away, Sung.” You reply without looking over at him. You can see him sway slightly from drink, which explains why the introvert is telling you to go talk to people. 

He bumps shoulders with you. “But you’re one of my favorites.”

You smile and glance at him. “But I rank below Jeongin?”

“Everyone ranks below Innie,” he tells you. “You’re above Hyunjin, though. If that helps.”

You laugh and lean back in your little corner, glancing back at Jeongin and his two admirers. 

You can feel Jisung watching you, then at where you’re watching. He says your name quietly and you know, you just know that he sees exactly what you hope no one sees because he can be really perceptive. 

You shake your head, wondering if maybe what you’ve been drinking has had more of an effect than you realized. 

“I think I just want to kiss someone,” you say, knowing deep down that that isn’t the damn problem, but you can be stubborn and you could use a distraction. You finish up what’s left in the cup and meet Jisung’s gaze. “Ever thought about kissing me?”

His eyebrows shoot straight up, eyes go wide. “Um…yes?”

“Really?”

He shrugs. “I mean, I kinda think that about anyone I find hot. At some point.”

“That’s reasonable.” You tilt your head up. “Want to?”

“Just cause?” 

You nod. He shrugs again and leans in to press his lips against yours. Your eyes close and you can smell that he’s been drinking tequila. His fingers settle on your waist before his mouth parts and his tongue meets yours tentatively. 

Okay, he’s pretty good at this. 

“What is going on here?”

Hyunjin’s voice breaks the two of you apart, which is both a relief and an annoyance. Jisung mumbles something, face pink with embarrassment as you glare at Hyunjin. 

“You’re not that stupid, are you?” you ask him. He smirks at you. 

“Why are you kissing Sungie?”

“I kissed her,” Jisung protests weakly. “She asked me too.”

“Oh yeah?” 

“Kinda missed kissing someone,” you say, rolling your eyes before looking back to where Jeongin still was. One less girl, but they are a lot closer to each other. “Want to?”

As different as Hyunjin and Jisung are, they have both the same surprised expression when you proposition them like this. Eyebrows up, widened eyes. 

You reach out to grab the open collar of his shirt, tugging him a little. 

“Scared?”

He scoffs and braces his arm next to your head (kudos to him for that classic move) before meeting you halfway. You hear Jisung make some sort of nonsensical exclamation when Hyunjin immediately slips his tongue in your mouth. 

It’s good. Of course it’s good. Especially when your brain is a little hazy from drink and your body more than touch-starved. Hyunjin’s hand sneaks up under the hem of your top and you shiver.

“Noona?”

You jerk back to see Jeongin approaching this weird set-up with bewilderment all over his face. 

Hyunjin glances at his roommate and gestures toward you. “Your turn.”

Jeongin shoots a look at Hyunjin, then you, then at Jisung. Then you again. 

“What is going on?”

Your heart is pounding with his eyes on you. Even in your intoxication, you know that despite the talent Jisung and Hyunjin have at kissing, if Jeongin kisses you…

You brush it off, shaking away your hyperawareness of the tiny peek of collarbone you can see because of the wide collar of Jeongin’s t-shirt. 

Your teeth ache.

“Just wanted a kiss.” 

He doesn’t look away from you or the defiant lift of your chin. He moves close as Hyunjin draws back to let him and wraps an arm around Jisung’s shoulder, utterly amused. You can’t take your eyes off Jeongin’s mouth as he gets nearer. 

He doesn’t touch you. His hands stay in his jeans pockets as his lips brush your cheek so lightly that you aren’t even sure if it’s real. 

You ball up your hands into fists in a conscious effort not to grab him and pull him to you. Because as little as it is, his touch unravels you.

When your eyes open, he’s not looking at you, but pushing away Jisung who is attempting to kiss him. 

“Come on, if you’d kissed her lips it would have been an indirect kiss…Finally, baby boy!!” Jisung reaches out for the younger as Hyunjin snickers, trying to keep Jisung from mauling Jeongin. It’s playful tussling and it’s enough of a distraction for you to slip away. 

You toss your empty cup into the kitchen trash, avoiding bumping any of the party attendees as your heart tries to return to a normal speed. 

You find another quiet corner, this time on the balcony of their apartment. It’s chilly out there, so people only come out to grab a quick smoke or get a gulp of fresh air. You’re so quiet and unobtrusive that you’re only noticed about half the time. 

Leaving the party immediately after kissing three different guys seems too obvious, so you’re going to wait until it’s nearly one am before you make your respectable departure. You had planned to stay and help clean up while crashing on their couch but you can’t do that now. 

You can’t be near him when all your feelings just want to burst out. Burst out singing and dancing on the kitchen counter like a poorly-made musical.

You let your head rest on the brick wall behind you, the railing of the balcony digging into your hip. You don’t adjust away from the slight pain. The pain feels a bit deserved for your stupidity and it keeps the fogginess at bay. 

Maybe you need some space. Maybe seeing him multiple times a week is making this worse. Maybe distance would help you move on. 

Maybe falling for your best friend is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.

The sliding glass door opens and closes. You don’t look over, not wanting whatever random person to think that you want to engage in interaction. You glance at your phone for the time, thinking that you can probably make your exit now. You don’t even have to say goodbye. The guys will be too wrapped up in socialization to worry about you. 

You know it’s him when he leans against the wall next to you. He smells like his cologne and coconut rum. 

Your heart responds accordingly.

He doesn’t say anything for several seconds. Nor do you. You haven’t processed through everything yet. You haven’t gotten back to your usual self around him and if you speak, you know he’ll know.

And he can’t know. Because if he does, everything is irreparable and you can’t handle that.

He takes a deep breath before shivering. 

“You should put on a jacket, agi,” you say quietly. 

“You should too.”

You’re in a long-sleeve thin sweater, so it’s not as ridiculous as Jeongin in a t-shirt in February weather. 

“You don’t want to get sick before your birthday.”

You can feel his eyes on you then and it takes all your self-control not to look back. Because you know, you know that if you do you’ll just want to take his mouth, let your hands explore the planes of his body, feel his hair between your fingers, hear his sighs and groans, breathe in all of him so the alcohol you’ve consumed has nothing on the mere intoxication of him. 

Seconds pass. He shivers again.

“Go in,” you say casually. “I’m gonna head back to the dorm anyway.” You force your eyes up to make eye contact. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

His thumb is at your bottom lip before you have time to register that he’s moved. His thumb brushes over your bottom lip then the top as he leaves his spot to stand facing you. 

“Jeongin…”

He’s staring at you, eyes so clear in the night, not even glassy with tipsiness. He cups your chin with his hand, long fingers grazing your cheek. His other hand takes yours, fingers lacing together as the space between your bodies lessens centimeter by centimeter. 

“Don’t go,” he whispers with his lips mere breaths away from yours. “Stay.” He gently wipes your lips again. “I am not kissing Jisung-hyung or Hyunjin-hyung.” There is a petulance in his voice that makes you half-laugh despite feeling like you can’t move. “Why did you?” His gaze slides from your mouth back to your eyes. 

“I just…” How do you explain any of this to him? How do you put into words your feelings that you know you shouldn’t share? “I thought it would help.”

His hand tightens around yours. “Help what?”

“Not wanting to kiss you.” It pours out of you, like a dam that could never be held back. 

You see the curve of the edge of his mouth, the self-satisfaction. “Did it work?”

Words are pointless. He knows; you’ve basically admitted everything. Why is he asking? You can feel your entire body lean toward him as though he’s some sort of human version of gravity, pulling you. 

So you don’t use words. You just kiss his fingertips that are still lingering near. You hear the slight catch in his breath before he removes his fingers and covers your lips with his. His arm wraps around you, pressing you against him so tightly you think you can feel his heart beat against yours. His mouth opens, his kisses wet and hot and you can only cling to his shoulders, on your toes to meet this surge of want. 

Your brain shuts down and you can’t think. You can only focus on how he feels under your fingers, how he tastes (that coconut rum), the sound of his sharp pants of breath. When he draws away to gasp, you open your eyes to stare at his swollen lips. 

He is so pretty. 

You stumble closer, lips pressing along his jawline. He turns to kiss you again, letting go of your hand to slide under your thigh, lifting so your leg is at his hip. He rocks into you, making you break the kiss, and your head falls back against the brick. It doesn’t deter him, his mouth skimming down your neck, letting his teeth graze your skin. 

You bite your lower lip to keep from making a sound, though he must hear something because he looks up at you. 

With a smirk so damn knowing, he tugs you closer against him by your leg, pressing firm enough to make you squirm and he laughs.

He laughs.

It’s breathless, but you can’t help but scowl at him for laughing. He kisses your unhappy expression; your forehead, nose, and lips. He lets go of your leg, framing your face in his hands. 

“I changed my mind,” he speaks so softly. 

Your heart freezes.

“You did?”

He nods, his eyes darting back and forth over your features. 

“Don’t stay here. Let’s leave. Your roommate isn’t there?”

You shake your head (she’s never there) but it takes several seconds for what he’s saying to actually sink in. He’s asking. He’s wanting.

Oh. Oh wow.

“You want to–”

He straightens, his hands leaving your face and you grab one, afraid for him to be too far away. 

“I thought…” He swallows. “I thought you wanted to.”

He apparently cannot perceive how your body is thrumming.

“Jeongin…” You attempt to catch your breath. “We…we’ve been drinking.”

He rolls his eyes, though he doesn’t pull away from your grasp. “I’m not drunk. You aren’t drunk. I’ve seen you drunk.” He watches you for a second. “Do you want to?”

“Yes.” You close your eyes as what feels like the second confession comes out. “Yes. So much. But you…we…”

The balcony door opens then and several party-goers fall out onto the small space. He gets closer to you, as though you need a buffer between you and them. He drops his head so he can speak in your ear. 

“Let me walk you back?”

–

He grabs a jacket before leading you out of their apartment. He even grabs an extra of his hoodies to wrap you in before you even hit the outside. 

“Jeongin, I’m fine. It’s not that far.”

He doesn’t argue but zips up the hoodie for you and you just make a face at him. His answering smile is innocent, but then he takes your hand in his and starts to walk. You nearly trip after him, thrown by the ease with which he holds your hand. Like it’s nothing and everything all at once. 

You want to say something, the cold air is making any intoxication excuse for your blatant honesty about your feelings pretty null and void, but you can’t. You don’t know what to say. 

“At that party,” he begins slowly, looking over at you once. The streetlight is behind him so you can’t see his expression which doesn’t help your low-level panic at everything that has happened this night at all. “Last year. The party.” You see him swallow. 

He didn’t seem nervous five minutes ago, his teeth on your skin. 

“Yeah?” 

“You said you were sorry.” He pauses at the intersection, looking both ways before leading you along. “I thought that you didn’t like it. That you regretted it.” He takes a deep breath. “That you didn’t want me.”

You stop immediately so he is almost jerked back by your linked hands. You can see his face better now, more streetlights to illuminate. His features look sharper with the shadows cast under his cheekbones and along his jaw and neck. 

“Noona?” he prompts you because you’ve definitely forgotten what you meant to say in your staring at his unearthly face. 

“Oh. No. Um…” Now it’s your turn to take a big breath. “Fuck, Jeongin, this is…we’re friends and I don’t want to–”

“It’s way too late for that,” he answers, the same note of frustration in his words as in yours. “I can’t pretend that didn’t happen.” He gestures back toward their apartment. “That I didn’t want that.” 

Something tight in your chest loosens just slightly at his words. Maybe, just maybe.

“I said I was sorry because I felt bad. That I took advantage. That you were just trying to get some practice or experience and I like…mauled you.” You decide to stare at the sidewalk as it seems safer. “You were drunk and I just near assaulted you.”

You hear a snort, a laugh and that makes you look up at him. He’s covered his mouth as though that will lessen the fact that he’s laughing. Again.

You try and pull your hand away from his, but he’s stronger than you and just tightens his grip.

“I had no idea you were an asshole.”

He shakes his head, the laughing dying too. He tugs you close, arm wrapping around you in a hug. 

“You didn’t assault me,” he murmurs in your hair before pressing a kiss on top of your head. “I wanted you just as much as I hope…I hope you wanted me.”

That same knot in your chest loosens even more. “Really?”

He draws back so you can actually see him. “You didn’t know? You didn’t know that I’ve had a crush on you pretty much since we met?”

“What?”

He laughs again, but it’s embarrassed now, shy. 

“This pretty, older girl just starts talking to me and becomes my friend despite having no classes together, just two brothers on the same baseball team. Of course, I liked you.”

“But…” You try and wrap your brain around this information. “Your girlfriend.”

His smile saddens. “I figured, you know,…there was no way you’d ever like me back. Should try and move on.”

“I’m sorry.” The very idea that you could and did hurt his feelings makes you want to throw bean bags at past you. “I’m so sorry.”

“I didn’t tell you. How could you know? I thought it was obvious.” He stares at you for a few moments. “Jisung-hyung and Hyunjin-hyung figured it out like four months ago.”

Were you that stupid?

“Come on,” he picks up leading you back to your dorm, which is a good thing because you don’t know if you could find anything with the way your brain is currently unable to compute. 

It’s really not that far and by the time both of you enter your dorm room, your brain is running again, but this time it’s on the entire ‘no roommate…you brought a boy home’ train. 

“Do…you want…uh…I think I have coke?” You undo his hoodie from your frame and set it on the small sofa that you have set under your lofted bed. You open the mini fridge, trying to remember if you actually have coke?

“Noona, I’m okay.” You can hear him sttle on the sofa, rustling of clothes as he takes off his jacket. “You okay?”

You shut the minifridge door and look over at him. His head is tilted to the side in question. 

“I’m…processing.”

He laughs and pats the spot next to him. “Process next to me.”

You do sit next to him, though it’s tentative. He gazes at you for several seconds before leaning in to kiss you softly, his hand coming to cup your chin. 

“Why are you still processing?” he asks, his lips not far. 

“I’ve kinda spent over a year trying to not think about you like that.” You kiss him back and he manuevers you carefully so you’re sitting in his lap, facing him. “Smooth,” you comment, feeling your face heat.

He smirks at you before resting his hands at your hips, squeezing them gently. You touch his hair, watching his face as his eyes close. You card your fingers through the strands, messing up whatever style he had going on this evening. He hums contentedly before opening his eyes again. 

“So…this is a thing.”

He laughs again and sits up, hands sliding to your lower back, eyes alight with mischief. 

“Use your college vocabulary, noona.”

“I hate you.”

“No. You don’t.” There’s a hint of bafflement in his voice as he leans in to kiss you. 

Your mock-annoyance melts. “No I don’t.” You let your lips linger on his. “I guess I can’t call you ‘agi’ anymore.”

He makes a face. “I don’t mind, but it’s a little weird?” You feel his fingers slip under the top of your jeans, fire against your skin. 

“Jagiya?”

You feel him tremble just slightly. “Yeah, that’s good.” His hand slides farther down and this time you tremble. “Are you still noona?” You can feel his smug grin against your mouth.

“Um…” Never mind that you can barely concentrate to speak with his hands on your ass. “Sure? Sure.”

“Good.” He squeezes, making you yelp. With that irrepressible smile, carefully turns and lays you down on the sofa, settling on top of you. 

Your eyes flutter close at his weight. 

“Do you have a condom?”

You feel him still and you open your eyes.

“Um.”

The blush, despite the mere fact he’s on top of you, is beyond endearing. 

“No,” he replies. “You?” He glances around your dorm room.

“Nope.”

“Why not?” he asks, eyes bright despite the fact you only have your fairy lights turned on in the room. 

“I didn’t…It’s been awhile, Yang Jeongin. Don’t judge.” 

He chuckles and kisses you softly, tongue meeting yours just enough to make you want before he draws back.

“I’m sure my roommate does somewhere, but…”

He waits, one hand tracing your ear and the other bracing himself against the couch. 

“I’m not saying I don’t want to. I just…I swear an hour ago I was telling myself that I needed to get over you.”

He nods, meeting your lips again. “And I haven’t even taken you out on a proper date.”

“Jeongin…that’s beside–” He interrupts your incoherent words, kissing you deeper.

“It’s okay, noona. I like kissing you.”

You cover your face with your hands. “That’s my line.”

He kisses the back of your hands before you peer through your fingers to look at him. He’s staring at you fondly, thoughtful. 

“Can I stay with you?”

You lean up to kiss him, hands sliding through his hair. He doesn’t pull away, sliding one hand under your top and along your side. You twitch a little at the ticklishness and you can feel his smile. 

“You can stay, jagiya.”

--

© yoongihan 2023. please do not steal, translate, repost, or whatever. stray kids belong to themselves and all idols used in this piece are just the inspiration for characters and do not in any way reflect the actual humans.

[cathreaux]

So, I'm assuming, after weeks of pretending that is all casual, that I'm in the polin fever too. I mean, the way I'm OBSESSED with them that I even started to write fanfics again after yeeears AND also posting, sharing and comment a lot (like, I'm more like a quiet fan, but this time I can't) but the way I'm going onto some headcanons about the show... Oh, sweet fanfic-child, remember their not canon.

But, as a wise yearning man on tears said, "I cAn'T" and now I can't stop thinking about what if Pen was Colin's childhood crush?

✨imagine with me for a moment✨

As we know —I think? We know? I think we know this or maybe I'm spend too much time here— from the beginning Colin been found Pen charming, intelligent, funny, brave, pretty, interesting, sensible, lovely and a long list of qualities that Colin "my wife" Bridgerton would love to tell you. And for him is so normal, like, "of course I think she's amazing, have you seen her?" that the idea of him being ashamed of her was ridiculous. And he let her know that so many times during the season, even before the kiss. Her silence was tortured him when he was in his tour and, even if he wasn't conscious, part of all the changes he did were thinking if that would bring her attention back.

Ok, with that on mind, what if when they know each other he has a crush on her? In the show they meet when they were kids, and she make an unforgettable first impression that even after years he remembered with a big soft smile. But ALSO he REMEMBER when the Featheringtons moved to their house (he see her BEFORE they meet in the incident with the horse). He was mesmerized, so charmed by her and trying to cause a good impression (his reaction after fall of the horse said a lot), but the fact that she start a friendship with Eloise and he keep seeing her, also influenced on what I think was the big Colin's travel of childhood'crush/myverygoodfriend/ohshitIwasinloveallthisfuckingtime.

Because, first of all, if Pen and Eloise hadn't become friends they would never have had the opportunity to seen each other so much and less yet to know themselves as they did. Society rules wouldn't let them. They were children but even in that moment of their lifes a friendship between girls and boys wasn't good looking for others. But Pen and El becoming friends (I'm sure that would happen with or without Colin) and that created so many moments for them. For develop the proximity, the puns, the games, the conversations, to sharing interest, the fact that they think the other is pretty but doesn't know if he/she think the same, the chemistry. They have enough space and time for nervous giggles and show a discrete interest that they can hide as a friendship' start, but not enough space and time alone for profound theirs feelings and show/seen more of how the other feels.

If Pen had not become friend with Eloise, they would be only neighbors and he would be interested, but more like a distance fantasy that something more real and deep, more easy to let it go (and maybe it would return when she debuts). But being friend with her changes everything. His interest for her was bigger and bigger, but, how he can keep her in his life without pushing her away? He had to let his crush and feelings stay in the shadows of his childhood, where every infant love is supposed to remain.

If Eloise wouldn't been always present or interrupting their interactions they're would also deep their relationship (no encontré cual es la palabra correcta para lazos porque la que me salió no es la que estaba buscando), maybe would notice (both of them) that it wasn't only friendship for the other... But the thing is Bridgertons doesn't know how to share (that's included friends) and, for the way the ton work in their context, he can't claim her as his (in any way) at the same way that Eloise do. Even call her his friend was go against the status quo, any other claim being so young would only distance them for the society rules. In fact, his family give them so much freedom that they wouldn't have with any other that wasn't a Bridgerton. But the rules are still there. So, he have to choose. And childhood crush only remains in the past, right? He want her in his life permanent, so a very good friend has to be.

Another point is, yes, he was more closed to his sister's ages and with them in general, but Pen was the girl he meet by himself, the person outside his family with who have most proximity. And he finds her charming from the beginning. And he was always so romantic, he probably loved to play the prince, the knight or the savior pirate when he played with Pen and his sisters. He's always trying to prove to others that he is enough, trying to been seen in a good way, in forms that he would like to be perceived or at least what he think other people want or expect.

And she see him. She listen him. She talks to him. She doesn't think that his dreams, fears, hopes and doubts are dumb. She validates his feelings, always do. She see the real Colin. But as a friend.

That is what he thinks.

Also, as I said before, friendship between girls and boys wasn't allowed to be. Having Pen on his life, having a girl-friend in his life wasn't something normal, he don't have references for how is supposed to be or feel.

And then is all the El's opinion about the ton, the marriage market and Pen always seems like she support all her opinions. As far as Colin or any Bridgerton knew (except for Violet), Pen felt the same way. When Penelope debuted, he doesn't believed she would be interested in marriage. Yes, he understand that she doesn't feel comfortable for so many reasons (her mama, Cressida, society in general) but he also believes that she don't have any interest of being part of that (and we know that wasn't her perspective). So, he keep the "she is a very good friend" discourse. Because she doesn't want him, as she never did (for his perspective) but she doesn't want a husband or prospects in general, so that's okay. She will keep being his friend and he's still the more important man in her life outside her family.

And then we have aaaaaall that he heard for his entire life. How is supposed to feel love, desire, passion and interest in the adulthood. The way how he would feel instantly after he seen the other person and would be mutual, the fact that any other man never talk about the tenderness, the laught or the softness he always feel with Pen.

And after Marina, after all the jokes about him being green, his doubts about his place in society, the silence with he had to deal in his travel after the Featherington's Ball, and his thoughts that that is what he need to be, even if is not himself... He changes. Only for discover when he return that everything changed.

He want Pen back, he apologized after knew what he did, but then he discovered that Pen want prospects. Pen want to marry someone else. Pen is open to the idea of having a partner. Someone that is not him.

Never wasn't him, right? But he offered his help, because he want her back, he wants to spend time with her in any way he can, and yeah, she wants marry. Is fine, is perfectly fine. They're friends. As always. Is okay she's gonna give to other man the privilege to be her most important man on her life. Cool. Is not breaking him at all...

But only for the work... what is she looking for in a husband? What's she want? Why can't be him?

And after the kiss... Well :)

I think that (and I known myself, I probably gonna talk about the scenes between them having this headcanon on mind) would suite a lot with all his journey in his story with Pen 🖤 thanks for coming to my Tumblr talk 😘

[synthetickitsune]

A Prince and His Flower ✧ k.sy

Pairing: Prince!Hoshi x reader Genre: fluff, royalty au/arranged marriage au Summary: You know that love is something to be overlooked for the sake of politics, but maybe you wish your upcoming marriage with Soonyoung was more than a practical affair. You try not to get your hopes up, not very successfully, but who could blame you when the prince seems as smitten with you as you are with him? Word count: 2k A/N: based on this imagine by @imagine-svt; I'm still not happy about how this turned out but I've already rewritten and edited this twice and I just love the idea so much and I've tried ㅠㅠ

It was arguably pretty random when Soonyoung asked you, hours earlier - and in hindsight it seems important to stress it was also only hours before the ball - about your favorite flower.

It was cute too. The way he tried to be nonchalant, but his cheeks soon had that pinkish tint to them as he went through the small talk he wrapped the question in. His hum was thoughtful, nod slow, as he took in your answer. It was… strange.  

Then again, Soonyoung is like that sometimes. You’ve learned it’s better to just humor him. He’s too stubborn and when he starts pouting, your heart and your will get too weak to resist him. It’s unfair. Honestly, you don’t understand how the future king can be so lovable and carefree when he’s chatting with you and yet so unyielding and wise during diplomatic meetings. How are you supposed to stay rational and unaffected when faced with that?

Sometimes you wonder if he had a say in choosing his future partner. He isn’t the type to let others dictate what his life is going to be like - well, at least not all of its aspects. Being a crown prince, his hands are pretty much tied. Of course he can’t live his life as he wants to, but from all that he’s told you, he doesn’t seem to mind the responsibility, and is preparing for his future role dutifully. At the same time, instead of horse riding and shooting ducks and whatnot, he demanded to learn how to dance. You found the idea ridiculous when you first heard about it - or rather the image of young Soonyoung stomping his feet and demanding his father, the king, to allow him to learn dance was too funny in your head. Months and many occasions of actually seeing him dance later, you have to say it was the best decision the king has ever made to let his son pursue his passion instead of forcing the traditional hobbies ‘fit for a king’ onto him. Not that he could avoid them completely, but they didn’t make up his entire personality - as was the case with some of the other princes you’ve met throughout your life.

So maybe it’s not all that impossible that he’d be the one to choose you as his future partner… right? 

You really have no idea why you keep hurting yourself thinking about it. It doesn’t matter, after all. One way or another, that’s how it is. Besides, your future marriage was decided long before you actually met. So even if it was him who suggested it, the reason behind it wouldn’t be the great chemistry you have now, or how easily you can communicate and make each other laugh, or how teasing and bickering come to you as naturally as supporting and comforting one another. None of that was true back then - you were strangers, barely even aware of each other’s existence. The reason for your marriage was, naturally, political. And that would remain to be true regardless of who came up with it. 

Maybe you just wished your life and marriage was different from breeding horses and dogs. Just something practical, meant to be efficient and to serve a purpose, to produce certain results.

Maybe you just wished there was more to it. Fate, perhaps, or something like love at first sight.

It was easy to fall in love with Soonyoung. Too easy. And it’s impossible to ignore those feelings - or to hide them you’re sure, even if you hope for the contrary. Again, you shouldn’t be blamed since you can’t help it. You love him. You just don’t want to. Because you can’t be sure it’s not all just your mind trying to protect itself - that’s what you tell yourself, despite knowing it’s more of a question whether he feels something towards you too. 

Of course, you’re the one who witnessed firsthand the growth of your relationship. You’ve seen it all - from the initial polite curiosity, to the genuine curiosity, to the fond and, you’d like to believe, loving gaze he wears whenever he looks at you. The one that makes your heart race. Soonyoung's feelings towards you are obviously warm. Maybe you'd be willing to believe he feels the same as you do, that he's just as in denial and protection mode as you are, if only you were thinking rationally.

But you're far from rationally thinking, stuck on the hurtful fact that no one takes your feelings seriously. That had the marriage not been arranged and were you feeling the same, and if they were mutual, nobody would care.

Sometimes you wish you were only mere commoners, allowed to fall in love and marry and not care about the impact your actions will have. Then you could have the marriage you wish for, based on mutual respect and love. One where he would watch you with those eyes of his, so full of love it’s suffocating.

He’s watching you now, with those loving eyes, from where he stands on the opposite side of the ball room. It’s too far to actually see him and the details on his face, but you’ve seen the way he looks at you more than enough times to know. You’re so stupid to be imagining it.

And he’s so stupid too. Watching you instead of paying attention to his advisors that are no doubt telling him how the ball will proceed or the introductions being made. Yet you still blush, your heart fluttering. You could almost imagine that your marriage is more than just a deal.

People often tell you that you sabotage your own happiness, and you wonder whether they’re right.

Because even though he’s looking at you like he can’t see anyone else, all you think about is how this could all be just a play he puts on. A lie you don’t even believe in yourself, but you try.

Because even as Soonyoung walks towards you, and you see the flower in his pocket and recognize it as your favorite, you focus on the logistics - the flower is native to your kingdom, hours away, there’s no way anything could be done to get it here in time - rather than the flower as a gesture. You have to, because if you don’t you might start believing it’s a sign of more than just an observance of formalities. 

“May I have this dance?” the prince smiles, offering you his hand. You accept, of course, and you try not to shiver at the perfect feeling of your hand in his. 

He guides you through the steps with practiced ease. You know he loves to dance and that he's a much better dancer than you. He’s a perfectionist, you remind yourself, and he must be annoyed with the mistakes you make and that’s why he holds you so tight, why he presses your bodies together any chance he gets. Anyone would be lucky to dance with him. He could make anyone look like they possess skills on par with his.

You avoid his eyes even though you feel his gaze on you. Instead your eyes remain glued to the flower. It reminds you of home, of your childhood and time long ago when you weren’t in love with a prince who’s all you could wish for. Is a genuinely love-filled marriage too much to ask for?

“It’s really pretty,” the prince says and it startles you enough that your eyes meet his. He noticeably perks up and you curse yourself. That tiny smile he wears is too adorable not to fall for. “I was thinking we could use them for our wedding too.”

Your steps falter, but he’s quick to adjust to it, making the mistake seem natural. 

“Is something wrong? You’ve been distant today,” he lowers his head and his voice, close enough that you could forget the world if you allowed yourself the luxury.

“Nothing’s wrong,” you tell him curtly. The wedding… It’d be beautiful, and you can’t say that you weren’t thinking that the flowers of your kingdom would be perfect. Maybe that’s why it hurts more. It doesn’t feel right planning a wedding with someone who’s just the perfect match in the current socio-political context.

“Look, I know everyone keeps staring at me,” he sighs, and it surprises you again. Now that you look around, you see that he’s right. Every man and woman is looking at Soonyoung, and despite your better judgment you use the next twirl to move closer to him. You see him biting his lip to start smiling and it’s not good for your heart. “I know, but I really tried to make them see I’m yours.”

Definitely not good for your heart. Your head spins and you blame it on the dancing.

“How did you get the flowers here?” you ask instead, try to deflect before you start overthinking. But he starts blushing and it’s just as lethal. He’s so nervous it’s you who has to correct him this time.

“I… I actually arranged for them to be grown here, in the greenhouses behind the castle,” he says and winces at your expression, “I’m sorry! I just wanted you to feel more at home here, and these were the only ones I remembered from my trip to your kingdom.”

Something about your shock must be registering in his brain as anger because he keeps whispering apologies and explanations and god, your friends were right, weren’t they? This isn’t something you do just to seem like the perfect husband in the eyes of the people of your partner’s kingdom.

“I wanted to propose to you with them. I thought it’d show I accept our differences - and I know it’s stupid, okay? I just wanted to do something romantic,” he deflates a little, but it matches the music, completely natural and inconspicuous to the onlookers. You think your heart is going to burst. You’re so stupid. He’s so stupid. “I know you’re not marrying me because you want to, but I really like you, and I want to grow old with you… even if you only like me as a-”

“Why didn’t you say something?” you hiss, and alright, you might be a little angry, or maybe it’s just the adrenaline, “God, Soonyoung, why didn’t you say you like me? I thought you only saw this as a business.” He looks as bewildered as you feel. 

“I thought it was obvious!” he whisper-shouts. It’s fortunate that you’re a little bit away from the other couples and the people standing around the room. “Do you think I’d sneak out for anyone else? Or give them private dance lessons? Or grow flowers for them - and don’t even get me started on that! That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done!”

“What are you talking about?” you try to mind your volume, you really do, “You got people for that!”

“Yeah, but that wouldn’t be right!” he argues right back and you’re really bringing too much attention to yourselves, “That wouldn’t be romantic at all! I wanted to do this for you and-”

You swear you’re not one to break the decorum. 

You never act in any way that could tarnish your or your kingdom’s reputation. 

So you have no idea why your arms are around Soonyoung’s neck and why you’re kissing him in front of everyone.

The music’s stopped, and he’s kissing back, and maybe they’re still playing you just can’t hear them over the heartbeat in your ears. 

You keep your eyes closed, so you can’t see the smiles on your and the prince’s fathers’ faces. But you hear the buzz around you and feel Soonyoung smile into the kiss and so you smile too.

Your friends were right. You should’ve realized, but having the prince confess makes up for the lost time, as does the feeling of his lips on yours, his hands around your waist pulling you so close to him. And perhaps, just perhaps, you like that everyone knows he’s yours and you’re his and that it’s not just for the show.

[kiirotoao]

Byler and Confrontation 1.5: The Importance of Season 4

Byler being immediately comfortable with each other in season 4 would have been too easy. Too obvious. No other pair is as close as Byler, and if they kept in contact, their relationship’s progression would have been so clear that it wouldn’t even be interesting, and that’s why I think that Byler is plainly intentional to end up together in slow burn fashion.

Imagine the airport scene but they hug with all the emotion of true best friends (which, they are, and that’s a canon fact that Mike asserts and Will agrees with in s4e4, but I digress-) meeting again, crashing into each other, joking right off the bat, being comfortable like they easily could have been. Will comments on Mike’s ridiculous outfit and Mike defends himself and Will laughs and Mike’s forgotten how much he missed hearing that laugh. Then Will would give him the painting and Mike would be blushing, and the story’s over! Even if they dance around their feelings for the rest of the show long, they could have instantly recognized that something’s changed and yet stayed the same, and they’d be a unit again. Or should I say, a team?

I feel like there’s no other way to treat Byler other than subtly vying for each other’s attention (Will looking at Mike longingly, Mike turning to Will for wisdom) or blatantly vying for each other’s attention (Will the Wise, Mike Wheeler in general), and to go full blown best friends attached at the hip from day one in California would have been way too romantically charged. Not necessarily openly, but just in the way it’s easy to doubt, to have brows raised.

And what good storytelling would that be? To just seal the deal the second they meet? We know that they miss each other. Will was ready to give him that painting. And yeah, it takes Mike a whole business day to realize how much he misses Will, too, but that type of love that reaches out doesn’t originate from only that business day. So do they just flat out hug and say, “God, I missed you so much” ?? Of course not! Because that’s immediate intimacy. That’s honesty with no side effects, and that’s something that doesn’t happen in any well-created nor real life love story.

Once upon a time, the end? There’s no way! No one would be as invested.

And I’m not saying that I don’t want Byler to be so strained, or I don’t want them to be happy. I want them to be so happy. And seeing their mistakes and growing through them only makes that happiness more and more apparent whenever they come around. Because they find each other, in the end. They forgive and work through things and their chemistry abounds through tough moments, and that’s what makes them amazing to me. Literally look at every other ship in the show. Jopper fought all season long during season 3 because Hopper was jealous and Joyce was a stressed-out boss ass bitch. Jancy fought in seasons 1 and 3 before and after they learned more about each other and worked through their biases. Lumax had that fight at the arcade where Max didn’t believe what Lucas was telling her.

Anger often breeds hate, but sometimes, it creates something beautiful in people who, deep down, want to figure something out about each other: steadfastness.

Simply put, their story grows.

Which is why they couldn’t hug. Which is why they barely spoke. Which is why they lashed out at each other. Which is why it took a whole business day to rejoin as a team. Which is why their forgiveness is all the more sweet. Which is why their relationship is all the more sweet. Which is why they prove to know each other. Which is why they’re so good together.

Look at them!! Look at Mike, chuckling at five damn words. And this was BEFORE they truly amended fences!!!

I love how hardships bring Byler together. I don’t know about you, but I’d want a partner who doesn’t avoid the rough patches but strives to love me through them - because they will happen! No one is perfect! And no, I don’t mean fight and you will find love. But when you love, you will fight. And that’s what I think is what happens when Byler fight.

So I can’t wait for it to happen one more time, probably about the lie of the painting being commissioned, for everything to fall apart only to come back together because they realize it’s all one giant story of misunderstanding and internalized homophobia and repressed feelings - a final and urgent fight that demands them to let everything out in the open and truly realize that they are the love that each other seeks.

And, I mean, I don’t know, I think that it would be pretty cool to write a slow burn romance amidst all the love triangles and love-at-first-sights and tragic losses. With bonus unique notes of being childhood best friends with deeply-explored queer coding. Just saying.

[phantomtrader19]

(HALF*) 2024/25 cast REVIEW 31.08.2024

Spent 2 shows yesterday at phantom which I haven’t done in a while! Planned this couple months ago to see the new cast however I had covers for Raoul, Mme Giry & Piangi and all swings on too! There was a lot of people off!

First off it felt so strange to not see some cast members who had been there since 2021!

Ensemble was made up of all 5 swings being on which is a first for me I think?

Overall lovely performances from all, new corps de ballet were gorgeous as always!

For the Principals I’ll start with Millie Lyon as Meg who was brilliant - lovely youthful voice, feisty characterisation and a BLONDE wig! I’ve missed the blonde wig! Fantastic Meg looking forward to seeing her much more.

Martin Ball as Firmin is an absolute triumph! Hilariously pompous and arrogant and such a grumbly kind of voice he was a standout last night, he seemed to play the role like he was tipsy drunk the majority of the time and he was just not interested in all the dramas going on. Great chemistry with Adam which I admittedly thought may have been difficult to achieve after Matt Harrop but I absolutely loved his take on the character!

Hywel Dowsell was on for Piangi, last time I seen him he was second cover and was on for the first time in 18 months! Lovely nuanced performance with little ad-libs and added acting pieces - really enjoyed!

Victoria Ward was on for Mme Giry I’ve seen her once before and I really enjoyed her and even yesterday she was such a standout! Beautiful voice and again such nuanced acting and more motherly to Meg!

Joanna Ampil as Carlotta was very different to what we’ve seen before, less operatic and more ever so slightly belty sometimes her voice got a little lost in the music, still some gorgeous top notes but I just was hoping for a little more oomph from her voice. acting wise was generally great but I did hope for a little more over the top like Carlotta should be, looking forward to seeing how she grows into the role over the next year!

Enjoyed Michael as Raoul - super strong voice and some great acting choices! I’ve now seen him as many times as I’ve seen Joe! (6 times) Joe is admittedly more my cup of tea acting wise but I enjoyed him nonetheless.

Lily was on fire yesterday, gorgeous voice and acting was out of this world, a top tier Christine by miles! My only slight gripe is her last note in think of me I’m not sure if the orchestra is rushing her or something else but it’s very short, her other high notes are held much longer but I just wish she got to hold it slightly longer as it felt super rushed, 8th time seeing her and always finding new things I love about her Portrayal! Her chemistry with Dean was also insane!!!

Now for Dean, I heard the opening night audio and I’ll admit I wasn’t crazy about his voice and didn’t hear too much acting albeit through audio so my expectations were mid however, I was absolutely BLOWN AWAY that was how a Phantom should sound his voice literally vibrated the auditorium and was just ridiculously gorgeous!!! Acting wise he was more gentler with Christine until the final lair when he let loose. I’ll go out on a limb and say from all the Phantoms I’ve seen he may have been my favourite in line with Earl Carpenter - vocally 100% my favourite he reminded me of Colm Wilkinson, Tim Howar & Killian Donnelly in some musical points. a firm favourite!

Really great cast, will be back to catch the full principal cast so I can see Helen Hobson as Mme Giry!

Aiming to see Eve with the new cast too as I last saw her nearly a year ago and must’ve caught an off show as she wasn’t sounding great but after hearing more recent audios she sounded as beautiful as her debut! Would also love to see Zoe on as Carlotta as she has a voice that lifts the ensemble to new heights!

I do have audios from the 2 shows yesterday, please message me to trade but disclaimer that my replies are not great rn as work has been super hectic!

[mistressoftherant-blog]

TMNT Fanfic Complaints

As this blog is mostly a space to vent, and I am currently obsessed with pretty much every iteration of the TMNT, I thought I'd throw together a list of things that make me close a fanfic instantly. If you like any of these things, then that's totally fine, but for the most part, any of these things will have me dropping a fic in minutes. A few of these are aligned with posts I've made in the past, but I am noting them down anyway as this is a way of me getting out a lot of my major complaints at once 😅

No.1 Having all the brothers be abusive (particularly towards Mikey), with bonus points for any crossover that will then have one version of the turtles chastising the others for the way they treat their brothers. It just doesn't work, every set have very specific dynamics, but none of them are abusive.

No. 2 Crossover fics that make it impossible to tell who is who. This can occur in a few different ways. One of which is that the authors completely fail to differentiate different universes, making every single version of the turtles talk and act in the same way. Another is when a fic gets flooded with nicknames/pronouns/usernames, without a decent key. If you have a crossover fic with even just 3 or 4 universes, but every single turtle has multiple sets of pronouns, multiple nicknames, and multiple usernames, you really need a way to make it clear who is who.

No.3 The 'poor baby Blue' phenomenon in which every version of the turtles seemingly forgets all of the horror they have suffered because of what the Rise boys have gone through, particularly Leo. I honestly hate it when I am reading a crossover fic and all of the trauma from every series is disregarded in the face of the Rise Shredder and Rise Krang, which brings me on to my next point...

No.4 Essentially an extension of No.3, but can we all finally drop the idea that the Rise Boys had the scariest villains? Sure, their Shredder and Krang were intense, but for the most part, their villains are all pretty much played for comic relief. Either 03 or 12 had the scariest villains. And before anyone comes at me like 'Oh, Rise Shredder was a demon, the Rise Krang managed to take over the world, etc', may I remind everyone that 03 also had a demon Shredder who took over the world (and multiple others including the one who took over in SAINW), and the 12 Triceratons straight up destroyed the Earth with a black hole?

No.5 Fics that give away traits from one turtle to another e.g. making any of the other turtles better at science/math/tech etc than Donnie. Each of the turtles has their own thing, and Donnie will always be the smartest academics wise. It annoys me to no end when people try and make any if the others, usually Rise Leo or 12 Mikey, out to be a genius like him. I actually once read a fic where Rise Donnie asked Leo to help someone with a chemistry question that he couldn't handle. It's ridiculous, and usually carries over from the headcanon that Rise Leo is the medic (is there genuinely any evidence for this in the show besides Leo having a pouch? Because the only time I can recall anything medical related being brought up was when Donnie mentioned Raph's allergies). I have also seen people talk about Rise Leo loving to dance more than Donnie, even when the show explicitly states on multiple occasions how much Bootyyyshaker9000 loves to dance (also making Leo a massive theatre kid when Donnie breaks into songs and dance numbers on multiple occasions.) Or when 12 fans make Mikey the artist when it is actually Raph.

No. 6 (people will probably be mad at this one) Stop making everything about Leosagi, please! He doesn't even exist in the Rise verse, yet the entire fandom is absolutely swamped with Leosagi content. It's annoying when you are reading a Rise fic, and then out of nowhere it all becomes about Leo's relationship with Usagi. These fics also tend to make Usagi the most bland character in existence, with his two defining traits being samurai and Leo's boyfriend. They even do this to Bayverse!! Or bizarre crossover ships that start taking over everything (Why is Mikey being shipped with pretty much all of the spiderman iterations now??(

No. 7 Any fic that has all of the Donnies despise each other. I don't know if this is bias, but I feel like most of the Donnies would enjoy having people on their level to discussbthings with, people who would respect their boundaries and listen to each other's rants. And before anyone brings up their egos, most of the Donnies are shown to be able to and even enjoy working with others who are around their level (Aprils, Leatherhead in 03, Fugitoids etc). I actually think that, aside from the Mikeys, the Donnies would probably get on the best.

No. 8 One of my biggest pet peeves (that I have complained about before) is acting as if any version of the turtles is far superior to the others in terms of intelligence, fighting skills, etc. The Rise boys do not solo every verse. If they had had more training, then yeah, they would be probably some of the strongest characters. But they haven't had the training of the other verses, and mystic powers cannot compensate for everything (considering the fact that they got absolutely bodied by their Krang, you think more people would realise this). The other iterations pretty much all have more formal training, more experience fighting a variety of opponents (Bayverse and the 90s are perhaps an exception to the greater variety of opponents here, but as Bayverse Raph alone can yeet a shipping container singlehandedly with no powers, I think they're good). In no universe should the Rise boys be giving any of the other characters fighting tips.

I will probably write more of these at some point, this was pretty cathartic 😅 I also promise that I do not hate Rise, I just have more issues with the wider Rise fandom than most of the other shows.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - When good chemistry goes bad

May 2023 Wk 3 

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - yes it jumped to the top of the standings, the kiss was THAT good, best of the year so far. So soft and yet so sweet and yearning and with a proper chemistry - body, breath, everything. Also... there was plot happening this ep, but who cares about that? Some additional thoughts, now my brain has rebooted from that kiss. I do suspect Pat of still being a player: he is awful smooth, and he may want revenge for being jacked along for 2 years (I would). Ep 4 is early for a kiss like that, which means pacing-wise we may be in for a separation/break up around ep 8. 

Step By Step (Thai Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 5 of 10 (MDL still says 12, but Gaga still says 10) - Pat, dear, your gay is squirting all over our screens. Meanwhile… That is the smallest presidential suite bed I’ve ever seen. Lucky for us of course. And lucky for Jeng. Me with the side dishes = UH OH. 

Our Skyy 2 (My School President) eps 9-10 - Alt reality where Tinn is in charge of the music club and Gun is the school president with the crush. Basically, it’s an excuse for them to play each others’ parts (which just highlighted how well they were cast, originally). Ultimately, Gemini is a better piner, and Fourth is a better tsundere. Although the reversed “holding it over his head” was v funny & Fourth IS a decent seme. (I also realized what I like so much about Fourth, like Saint he’s one of those rare full body actors.) Sound was a great uke and I loved how they changed his makeup for the role (did you notice?). TiwPor were as adorably ridiculous as ever. I liked the minor baby pairing for Aun, too. Still my NO SIGNING holds (although there was lots of dancing to counterbalance). In the end, all this really did was make me wanna rewatch the original. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. FYI The MV was a parody of HCTM, BB, 1k*. 8/10 

A Boss and a Babe (Fri YouTube) ep 12fin - It was a cute sappy ending for a cute-ish sappy-ish show. I cannot abide that the mom who condoned the rape of her daughter got forgiven. No. Stop it GMMTV. Review below. 

The Promise (Thai Weds YT & WeTV) ep 9 of 10 - I'm in trouble when I'm rooting for everybody BUT the main couple. I guess Nan doesn’t have a NO SINGING policy. Also I guess Nan was waiting for Phu all along? This show. ALSO could we not have just ended it here? 

Past-senger (Thai Weds Gaga) ep 11 of 12 eps - I don’t understand. What? Where did all these new characters come from? Do we care about the hets? Not even slightly. What is anyone doing? What’s going on? do I care abotu anyone anymore? No. Please make it stop. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Our Dining Table AKA Bokura no Shokutaku (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 7 of 10 - OMG so adorable, so repressed, so reserved, so soft, so awkward, so special. Heart melting. Also. Hungry. The WAY Minoru looks at Yutaka when he’s eating (now that he knows the history). The way we got to see the exact moment that Minoru realizes he is in love. Perfection. 

Star Struck (Korea iQIYI & Gaga) ep 1-2 of 8 - Zuho (Kpop SF9 - noted good egg) opposite rookie actor Kim In Sung (the one with the crush). icky is being weird about it but it looks like Gaga also picked it up? Depends on your territory I suppose. Anygay: Friends since childhood, jock/nerd, puppy/cat and I sense bi-himbo confusion and pining introvert gay. There’s family strife plus class issues and it has some interesting things to say already about the nature of friendship, romance, and jealousy. I like it, weirdly reminds me of something that might have come out of China. Not early CBL, but some of the later stuff that was censored but hearkened to Addicted. This has the feel of what China could have made now (were things politically different). Because of this feel, I’m not confident in this being an HEA or even a true BL but it is interesting enough for me to bump it way up the ranks. 

Happy Merry Ending (Korea Thurs Gaga) eps 7-8fin - I get why SJ pushed JH away, but I kinda agree that SJ is too much work. Abused or not, I wouldn’t put in the damn effort - so I guess I’m glad SJ took a year off to figure his shizz out? Far be it from me to agree with a year break in a Kdrama, tho. I didn’t even mind that they were separated most of these 2 eps: it was nice to see a Seme told no, who actually backed off and did as he was told. Plus the running of the gays (how Japan of you SK). I’m assuming that this was the final episode and that Viki thinking that there are 2 more is bonkers? Because this felt like a finale. For me this one had a stronger finish than any other aspect of the show (odd when the couple spent the bulk of it apart). Oh! And someone give Shin Myung Sung (the surfer bestie) his own damn BL, m’kay? Review below.

Love Mate (Korea Thurs Viki) eps 5-6 of 8 - Longest elevator ride in the world. Honorifics discussion! My favorite! And, “there is only one bed but they slept together on the floor anyway” trope. A BL staple. Also the tie/lanyard grab. Another fav. Still pushy puppy stalker remains creepy manipulative obsessive warped hotness. Basically KBL version of trash and… I’m into it. We all got our kinks, I guess. 

Vian the series (Vietnam YouTube ) - Such a cat. I’m reminded of Milk. It’s cute. They cute. I like it.

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 6 of 12 - So is the nude dining meant to be some kind of weird allegory for repressed gayness? 

It’s Airing But ...

My Story (Pinoy Sat YouTube) 10 eps - I bounced at ep 4. Someone will tell me if I should bother with the rest. 

House of Stars (Thai Mon iQIYI) 12 eps - I bounced at ep 3. Will binge if told it is worth it at end. 

The Day I Loved You (Pinoy YouTube) eps 6-7 of 10 - Terminal illness for the sunshine. I bounced at ep 6. DNF. 

Ended this week

Love Syndrome finished its run on WeTV (I stopped at ep 2) - anyone wanna weight in with thoughts on the ending and whether I should binge or not? I do love Lee Long Shi.

Happy Merry Ending - Stars Lee Dong Won (KNK) as an ex-idol turned wedding singer with an abusive ex and a panic disorder + the sunshine pianist who falls in love with him. Timid tsundere & sweetheart gay is an interesting match. They’re gentle together, almost kindly and there is a calm ache to their pairing. However, it lost its way as a BL, being more about the main character’s struggle than the romance. It had a strong finish but ultimately the premise & characters meant this was never going to be one of my favorites. 8/10  

A Boss and a Babe - With an inconsistent narrative and self-sabotaging characters this was not the Thai BL office romance I was hoping for. I spent most if it feeling manipulated without good reason and sorry for ForceBook. They did their best with a shoddy script (AGAIN!) and none of its flaws were their fault. This show was all over the place and so am I about it. It’s better than Enchanté but that’s not really saying much. 7/10 I guess

In Case You Missed It 

BL Express reported that Taiwanese production companies have announced 7 new BLs (4 of these from Vidol.) Stories range from office romance to crime drama. 

Someone did a survey on KBL watchers. 

Build Jakapan has been cleared of all charges. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting this week: 

5/26 Be My Favorite prev title: You Are My Favorite (Thai YouTube) Adapted JittiRain y-novel (2gether, FUTS, ToL, Vice Versa) one of those “rewrite the past to change the future.” Stars Krist (SOTUS) + Fluke Gawin (DBK, Not Me). Expect this to be v low heat, full of LIES and manipulation.

5/27 The Luminous Solution (Thai ????) 10 eps - Thana is having trouble at work and in his relationship. He can't seem to catch a break. So he makes a wish to change everything. The wish has a price.

5/27 Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari no Hajimari no Asa (Japan) - NO ONE ASKED FOR THIS (but that has never stopped Japan before) and no, I have no idea where to get it, why would I ?????  (Say it with me everyone: Oh Japan, must you?*)

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

This Week’s Meta Moments 

naturellement (Step By Step naming its trope.)

The Promise calling out the uke archetype, Mary Sue much? 

ALL THE DANCING. Live the dream! Live the trend! Live the trope! 

4 tropes in one! Drinking, piggyback, feed him, product placement. Very nice GMMTV & GeminiFourth. I’m impressed.  

nash

(all My School President’s Our Skyy - kinda a masterclass in using ALL THE TROPES and ALL THE BL references.) 

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

The unmitigated irony of so-called fans of ZeeNunew coming after this show for this moment (not to mention the self sabotage). Truly mind boggling. (Step by Step)

The two boys who didn’t win the boy but totally should have. This show makes me wanna drink too. Next week... soju! (The Promise)

Yes please and thank you GMMTV. (My School President) 

I do love the kinkification of Phi. (Boss & Babe) 

These tiny idiots it turns out are, in fact, totally hilarious. La Pulie (side dish friendship group)

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Key & Taeyeon’s Hate that... (which if it wasn’t an OST SHOULD have been)

[sgdlr-asdfghjkl]

Link Click Musical content part 28 (CXS's actor focus but it's Cai Qi ONLY)

In the reblogs I saw a handful of people liking him. And yeah same 😌

Ramble ahead: So far I think he's been only lined up with Wang Minhui as Lu Guang. And they have a tad bit different chemistry than anime Shiguang. (Which is just as 👌👌👌 so let me cook) From what I've seen his Xiaoshi isn't as goofy ahh, loud or flamboyant (?), more of an airhead-silly innocent kind. And Minhui's LG looks openly amused by it every time they interact. It's subtle or maybe I'm projecting, but it's worth noting I think. Don't we all love some new shiguang flavours?

(Ik I've posted these pics already, but it's to prove my point, your honor)

But not to favorise only one performer! Other actors' interpretations of CXS are also fun. Teng Chunpeng is def the goofiest of them all >< Visual-wise I like Shu Rongbo's one a lot, he fits more serious, angry scenes well. Ding Xingchen looks like a friend. He's a nice middle ground between more mature looking Shu Rongbo and Cai Qi's adorableness. And Ji Xiaokun (or is it Li? imsorry) he has a distinctive, energetic way of singing and ridiculously handsome smile. So far those are my impressions on the actors ✨ ik it's silly since we barely have any content to judge from, still thanks for reading so far, hope you enjoyed ^^' What are your impressions on them?

⬇1) Teng Chungpeng 2) Shu Rongbo

3) Ji Xiaokun 4) Ding Xingchen

[marvelann]

Who do you pair Chester Gieke up with to have cute babies? In my game he's cute but his kids end up like gremlins

Chester Gieke - Brandi Broke

Chester Gieke - Melody Tinker

Chester Gieke - Kent Capp

Chester Gieke - Samantha Ottomas

(I do like his itty bitty nose)

Honestly I'm probably not the best person to ask this because I don't just let sims have children jaja. They have a baby, I merge the parent's faces in CAS until I get something I like, I replace the baby's face with that.

Just gameplay wise I do enjoy having him meet Lisa Ramirez and let ACR do its thing... they have such a ridiculous amount of chemistry. Their kids come out either really pretty and interesting or completely wonky, not in between

[nitronapalm]

SHIPPING INFO // ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSES SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?

My top canon OTP is BakuDeku, my top crossover OTP is BakuMari, but I like anything with ships with the Bakusquad or basically anyone he has chemistry with, just so long as it's not ridiculous age gaps or adult/minor.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

Adult/minor or anything over 7-8 years. It's creepy.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

The only thing I'm selective with is if this splody idiot has chemistry with the person and wants to do it. He can be a picky lil shit. Generally he tends to mesh better with males than females, ship-wise.

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

Pom's Marinette Dupain-Cheng (Miraculous Ladybug), he's also shipped previously with a Danny Phantom and a Yusuke Urameshi and he had a pretty good chemistry with a Jason Todd at one point. (I do a lot of crossover ships xD)

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

Yes. Very definitely ask. I had an issue previously where someone forced a ship on an OC I have and I very nearly lost their muse entirely. Do not force a ship, ask me and we'll consider.

ARE YOU SHIP-OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

I do love ships if they happen, but I'm just as happy with platonic threads or familial threads or things like that. If he has threads with someone he's close to or someone he knows, he'd be more likely to ship with them but anyone he doesn't know would have to be tested.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

BakuDeku, TodoBaku, KiriBaku. (BakuMari if we're talking crossover.)

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?

Ask meeee. Drop in my DMs and we can figure out if it'd work or not.

tagged by: @explodcor

tagging: @pompedia , @deathonate , whoever wants to do this thing.

[alrightsnaps]

All the polin fans complaining about Penelope and Colin "not being protagonists in their season" in the Bridgerton ig are they for real?

Are they still at it? I checked out shortly after part 2 was released but I did hear something about them signing a deleted sex scenes petition lmao

The whole thing is so ridiculous, especially after two years of gaslighting kathony fans for calling out the show's sidelining of them, Kate in particular. When season 2 premiered they wouldn't stop yapping about Bridgerton being an "ensemble show" to justify the excessive screen time given to Penelope's family or the disproportionate amount of promo their faves got.

There is a grain of truth about the show noticeably shifting from romance to ensemble drama after season 1 but when we called it out back in season 2 we were being bitter and jealous lmao.

Even so, the irony of seeing polin stans say that "Penelope and Colin were treated like secondary characters in their own season!!" is insane. Kate and Anthony didn't even have a poster of their own for season 2, while Penelope (a side character) got herself a solo poster. Then on her own season she was again at the centre of all the promotional photoshoots. Kate and Anthony got together in the last 3 minutes of the show and had an off screen wedding. Penelope and Colin got handed a grand wedding and a baby in the epilogue (before the audience ever got to see Kathony as parents). Simone and Jonny weren't allowed to do any interviews on their own or have a couple photoshoot. Nicola and Luke were handed a world tour and multiple photo-ops to promote season 3 and were heavily promoted throughout season 2 as well.

I don't know if their fans are still at it, but I remember when part 1 came out how mad they were at Francesca (who literally had less lines than Penelope's sisters in s1 and s2 combined) finally having a subplot of her own. You know...like every single Bridgerton sibling minus Hyacinth and Greg have had since the show premiered? They didn't seem to have a problem when Penelope was a supporting character with her own sidedarc for Kate and Daphne's seasons, but Francesca finally being on screen was an issue cause she outshined Penelope in s3!

At the end of the day they're just pressed their ship never captured the audience's attention the way every other Bridgerton couple (spinoff included) has, inspite of the lengths the production went into to promote and overhype them. Kate and Anthony were robbed at every turn, both story and promo wise, and managed to carry the season and become fanfourites nonetheless. Polin got everything handed to them and were still extremely underwhelming. No amount of sex montages will manufacture chemistry between the leads or charisma for your cringe male lead.

[cwcthzl]

hey guys.. what ro we think about richie pretending to be dumb so stan tutors him..

-nic

his dumbass would definitely do that oh my god

he would probably get the idea when he saw bill getting tutoring from stan because he didn't understand shit about maths or chemistry or physics or any lesson that involved numbers, because he was a english/literature guy, duh, and seeing stan patiently go through the problems no matter times bill didn't get it or how many times even he got frustrated at the questions bill had, richie would have a lightbulb moment because hey, who was he to miss an opportunity to mess with stan the man?

he would start going with some fuckass problems from time to time, to not draw suspicion, and even that would have stan suspicious of him because richie was ridiculously gifted when it came to school - matter of fact the third time he went to stan with a dumbass chemistry question stan straight up asked him what was his deal was. was he testing him or some sort? he knew richie could solve this in seconds and richie simply lied by saying he couldn't and he needed 'old wise jew's help, and stan rolled his eyes before going through the question

after that richie started asking stan about different topics from different classes and asked him to tutor him. stan denied him a long time because then he was convinced richie was fucking with him, so richie had to failed a couple tests to prove a point (which got maggie and went kinda concerned because he never did, but he brushed it off, they weren't real exams after all). only after that stan agreed, and he started tutoring richie.

during tutoring, richie started asking stupid ass questions about every topic he wanted stan to teach him about, even going as far as asking, "what do you mean multiply?" and getting a smack in the head. he pushed every button stan had during their tutoring sessions, and it amused him every time stan rolled his eyes too hard that it looked an animation or every time he pushed richie off his chair. richie was laughing his ass off every time and stan was threatening with leaving his failing ass over here and kicking him out, until they returned to teaching just to have that same interaction five minutes away. seeing stan frustrated or watching him turn his head from the paper they are working on to richie with that 'i'm done' look of him whenever he asked a stupid thing was too entertaining for him.

richie wasn't even sure why he wanted stan to tutor him so bad, until it rolled to them spending hours at one of their houses and mostly stan talking and richie not having to look away from him on hours on end because what was there to look other than stan and his long fingers wrapped around the pen, his face relaxed with his eyes following the numbers he wrote on paper, his lips moving with whatever formula he was talking about, his curls shining under the desk lamp, his leg pressed against richie's under the desk as his voice filled richie's ears. he was so fucking concentrated like he was solving the mystery of the world and it amused richie. he didn't even need to listen to a word he said because he knew what to do even before, so he could just pick up from where stan left off. it was funny, or mildly crazy because he had no reason to lie about not understanding a topic, but he was happy as long as stan looked at him from the paper and asked, "do you understand?" with his eyes sparkling under the yellow light of richie's dinosaur designed desk lamp.

richie was ready to lie his ass off for another semester.

[mybleedingboy]

Hannibal Fic Recs

for @raniofzepuchas (I'll make this short and only include my very favorites so I'm not overwhelming you with fics) (no particular order)

A Clutch at Balance by Devereauxs_Disease

Rating: E | Word Count: 25,466

When Will Graham storms into Hannibal's house muttering about kissing Alana Bloom, the good doctor makes Will an offer: Pretend to date Hannibal in order to prove to Alana that Will is not only stable but capable of being in a relationship. When Alana is convinced Will is the man of her dreams, Hannibal will step aside and Will can get his girl. What could possibly go wrong?

Really fun and balances that fun with some excellent writing. Spot on dynamic, fantastic chemistry.

highway 190 by occultiism

Rating: M | Word Count: 10,343

He has found the Devil and wants to live inside of him. There is no more room for God. / Chronological snapshots throughout Will Graham's life.

Arguably one of the best-written Hannibal fics (and fics in general) ever. Hard-hitting, painful throughout but like a punch that hits the knots right out of you. If that makes sense?

Five Times Hannibal Visits Will and One Time He's Already Home (or: Coffee Cake) by bones_2_be

Rating: E | Word Count: 82,385

When Will tells Hannibal to leave at the end of Digestivo, he goes. And then, a few years later, he shows back up. They have long conversations, drink a lot of wine, at the end of it all they find something that works.

Excellent progression. Love the characters in this. Again, great fucking writing. Restricted fic, so you'd have to be logged in.

The Mongoose and the Mouse by Hiding Now

Rating: E | Word Count: 109,582

With Mother's and Father's Day impending, Will has been feeling particularly irascible. He has parent issues (as do we all) so as a therapeutic exercise, Hannibal suggests something novel: a vacation together to recapture the childhood he never had. His caveats: Will must choose someplace he's never been, someplace he always wanted to go as a child. The idea is ridiculous. Will can only think of one place. But there is no way Hannibal will agree to go to a place where turkey legs are a staple, and cartoon characters offer hugs on every corner. Will calls his bluff. Hannibal calls it right back. OR ~Will and Hannibal spend a week at Walt Disney World for perfectly sound psychological reasons~

It's the disney fic! Always fun to read back.

each according to its kind by chaparral_crown

Rating: M | Word Count: 192,571

Will does the only reasonable thing that someone fresh out of a mental hospital with no support system does - he leaves, and goes on a road trip to the Pacific Northwest.

AU of Season 2. This is my favorite Hannibal fic, and one of the best-written at that. Every paragraph is rich in flavor. I would definitely eat this. This is the fic I recommend the most often.

their beaks not yet turned red by chaparral_crown

Rating: M | Word Count: 134,420

Will stares at the bird. The bird stares back. In its beak, a very finely embroidered cloth, and in that, the tiniest of soft fists pushing forward from a folded corner. “Don’t you dare,” Will says, crouching, hand that is not currently cradling an overly large pour of whiskey pointed at the bird to ward it off. --- After Hannibal is arrested and the trial dates are set, the stork visits Will Graham. With it, it brings a baby, a legally binding birth certificate, and a hope chest full of gifts for her. Nobody except Will thinks this is weird. (Alternatively, what if the Scarlet Letter was a dark romantic comedy?)

So good and heartfelt throughout. I wished this was canon.

Ravenous by rageprufrock

Rating: M | Word Count: 38,448

Whenever I go into a new fandom, I look for pru's works first. This was no exception, and it's so fucking good. It's a genuine thriller. There's no description, and pru doesn't tag, so I will let you go in blind. An exciting read, brilliantly written both stylistically, plot-wise, and character-wise. The dynamics here are wonderful !! Hard-recommend.

[drdemonprince]

favorite + least favorite companions?

I wanted to like Laezel and in terms of combat she is my very essential bruiser but my god i HATE her fuckin attitude and her passive dialogue shitting on everybody all the time.

Gale and Wyll are pretty boring so far, and the last thing i need is more spell casters.

Astario is great of course, though he does feel so ridiculously over-written and over-performed compared to all the other characters. it's like he's in a completely different game. he's so obviously The Star of the Show. i love him both combat and personality wise though!

I'm surprised at how much i LOVE Shadowheart though! I love her snooty little attitude and her strange gothic anarchic religion. I love the memory loss aspect of her back story because obviously amnesia play is hot. And her character and the player character just plain have the most chemistry! You have a lot more dialogue options with her right from the jump, you learn many personality quirks and triggers of her quite early, and it just feels like there's a bond there on a level the other characters don't have yet.

[freneticfloetry]

Okay, Nice Ask Week Ask -

Okay, because I know you've watched a bunch of the same old school fandom shows I've watched - what was your fandom journey? Where did you start? What did you first read? Where'd you go next? (following authors or shows?) Livejournal - yes or no?

The noise of distress that I just made cannot be accurately described.

Okay so, I started both reading and writing fic in OG Roswell fandom. As I’m sure you know, fandom activity back then tended to be splintered into silos by pairing, and I lived in Polar land (Michael/Liz. All the Roswell ships had names. It was A Time.). The compulsion was more about Michael than anything — broken boy soldiers are always my weakness. I was intrigued by the scrapped storyline that was supposed to be a love triangle, especially since they had chemistry, but I didn’t love Liz as written, she just made the most sense with him, to me. Canon-wise, I was mainly there for Michael, Kyle, and Isabel (something that was ultimately painfully apparent in my fics).

(I did finally watch the reboot recently, and while I liked Liz a hell of a lot more, Kyle and Isabel were still my faves. Go figure!)

I was a one fandom reader and writer for a long time, though I did dabble in crossovers. Then I wrote a tiny little ficlet for Lost, and it opened the floodgates — I started writing Firefly, then Smallville (specifically Chlollie, another silo, which was definitely a LiveJournal thing), then Supernatural. And once I signed up for my first year of Yuletide, all bets were off — I got into the habit of writing my one perfect fic in a fandom and then fleeing to flit off to another, never to return.

I just realized that I’ve only ever followed a few of authors to new fandoms — @earlgreytea68’s Sherlock fic, for instance, was what made me start reading Arthur/Eames. What happens most often is that I randomly get a bunny for a canon I enjoy (or one that’s wildly pissed me off) that won’t leave me alone until I start writing.

The Magicians is the canon that made me settle down again, and nurture more than one idea for the same fandom. And even though I’ve had to step away from it for awhile (because just thinking about it still makes me anxious and angry), I think it was exactly what I needed to prime my brain for the Tarlos takeover — I think I would’ve been overwhelmed otherwise, and probably never written anything for them at all.

Sorry so long. I’m ridiculous.