#charlie I can’t handle your cute ass baby face

[chvoswxtch]

WHY DOES HE DO THIS

THIS LIL SHIT HAS THE AUDACITY TO BE LIKE “me?? babygirl????” THEN PROCEED TO DO THE MOST BABYGIRL SHIT

CHARLIE COX YOU ADORABLE LITTLE FUCKER

gosh he is such a pleasant person

[kathyprior4200]

Hazbin Hotel Episode 2: "Radio Killed The Video Star" (Helluva Scribe Remake)

Part One

The Hazbin Hotel building stood on a black hill, surrounded by a few dead trees and old fences. In the center of a circle of stones was a black pentagram design on the ground. Inside the hotel, everyone was worried about the news of the Extermination being moved up.

Charlie paced back and forth in the parlor, hyperventilating and in disbelief that her meeting with Adam had failed so badly. KeeKee the key cat followed her as she paced.

“Okay. So the Extermination is coming in six months instead of a year. No big deal. Just a little setback. Nothing we can’t handle. Just angels cutting our timetable in half. But who needs a whole year to save souls? Am I right? And next time when they cut the time in half again, and again, we’ll just handle it, right?!”

Vaggie steadied her panicking girlfriend, grabbing hold of her arms. “Yes. We will.”

“Oh please,” Angel Dust scoffed from the couch. He scrolled through his cell phone with a spider web cover on it. “Ya had less than half a chance when you started this salvation bullshit. And now…” His phone vibrated. “…ain’t no silver lining this time, toots.”

Angel Dust scrolled down as he read messages from Valentino:

“SO I’M THINKIN. YOU AND THREE HUGE GUYS ARE GETTING IT ON AND IT’S REALLY HOT AND OILY AND THEN ITS REVEALED YOUR ON A BOAT AND IT’S SINKING SO YOU ALL HAVE TO CUM AS FAST AS YOU CAN.”

“HAVE YOU SEEN TEMPERATURE PLAY VIDS? LOL CAUSE THERE IS GONNA BE ICE!!!!”

“SO GET THAT FLAT BONEY ASS TO THE STUDIO BABY – AS YOU CAN SEE, THE IDEAS ARE FLOWING.”

“HAHA SO IT’S BEEN THIRTY SECONDS…DON’T BE LIKE THIS BABY.”

“THIS ISN’T CUTE, ANGEL, LEGIT I’M SO BORED OF THIS LITTLE CAT AND MOUSE CHASE.”

“FR OVER IT!”

“FUKIN BITCH! BABE. ANGEL, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU????”

“Sure there is!” Charlie breathed, trying to stay hopeful. “We just…have to look a little harder for it!”

“Well, while you’re lookin’,” said Angel Dust. “…the rest’a Hell’s goin’ nuts. People are already freakin’ out about the news. Look at what’s happenin’ in the Doomsday District.”

Angel Dust showed a video of a male demon wearing a hat who was screaming as flames roared in the background. “New Message From Valentino” popped up at the top of his screen in pink.

“Err, what is a Donkey Show?” asked a puzzled Charlie.

“Aah, heh, nothin’,” Angel Dust said, pulling back his cell phone. “My boss Val is just freaked out about the news, too. Like I said, everyone’s losin’ their shit.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Vaggie pondered, putting her fingers to her chin. “Sinners are desperate.” She grinned at Charlie. “Maybe desperate enough to try anything to escape the Extermination?”

Charlie gasped as an idea came to her. “This is the perfect time to recruit more Sinners for the hotel! The commercial we made should be of great help!”

“Cute idea and all,” said Angel Dust, waving his phone, “but you really going to go out in all of this?” On the phone screen, a green-faced aquatic demon wearing a black jacket screamed as his eyes bled and more flames burned.

Charlie began. “Well, it’s not like people are just going to show up on our doorstep…”

Charlie screamed and flinched as a sudden blast shook the hotel and created a large gaping hole in the wooden wall by the bar. Outside the hotel, a steampunk black and gold zeppelin blimp hovered menacingly in the air, looking like a large demonic shark with gold sharp teeth. The small eyes were made of pink glass. There were golden windows with moving gears inside the ship. From the large metallic mouth at the front of the blimp were an array of laser guns and weapons pointed at the hotel.

Inside the ship were the Egg Boiz, two-legged egg minions wearing small black top hats and pinstriped suits of gray and yellow with black neckties. The purple walls were in the design of scales near more gears at the windows. Standing high at the controls was none other than the serpent Sinner Sir Pentious. He wore a pinstriped suit with gray and yellow stripes and had a black bowtie in the center. His top hat was large and gray, with a large pink eye and sharp teeth of its own. Steampunk goggles lay on his head. Sir Pentious’ eyes were pink, his fangs sharp, his face coal black with a long cobra hood of more pink hypnotic eyes against yellow. The lower half of his body was serpentine with scales of black and gold with more pink eyes.

“Show yourself, Alasssstor!” he demanded, pointing forward. “Come and face…”

He glanced around and saw Alastor casually sipping black coffee from his red mug that read “Oh Deer!” on it. He was relaxing in a chair at a small table on the hotel balcony.

“Oh, there you are,” Sir Pentious mentioned. Then he finished in anger, “Face my wrath!” He bared his fangs and hissed. His hood stretched out, revealing his additional pink eyes.

Alastor merely grinned. “Who are you?”

“Who am I? Who am I?! I am the great Ssssir Pentioussss! Inventor, architect of dessstruction! Villain extraordinaire!”

Alastor transformed into shadow and materialized in front of the hotel doors. Charlie, Vaggie, and Angel Dust stood beside him.

“Ooh! You tell ‘em, boss!” cheered one of Sir Pentious’ egg minions, small fist in the air.

Niffty appeared on Alastor’s shoulder. “Oooh, he’s a bad boy,” she said with a sly grin. Alastor picked her up with one hand and gently placed her on the ground. Alastor shrugged and mocked Sir Pentious. “Ha. Well, if all that’s true, you’d think I’d have heard of you.”

“I attacked you literally last week!” Sir Pentious reminded him.

Alastor cocked his head.

“We’ve done battle like twenty times?!” Sir Pentious added.

“Well, you must have been really bad at this,” Alastor retorted, twirling his microphone cane.

“Silence!” Sir Pentious yelled. “Now cover! For when I have ssslain you, the almighty Vees will finally acknowledge me as their Overlord equal!”

“Ooh!” Niffty grinned before pausing. “Wait, who are the Vees?”

Alastor waved a hand. “Oh, nobody important. Just a gross moth porn owner, a boxy TV arrogant ass, and a cocky fashion gossip witch.”

“Can I meet them?!”

“No.”

Niffty’s face fell.

“Why do you want to attack us again?�� Alastor asked.

“To get revenge on how you defeated me last time! Also to get the Vees approval so I can stay safe from the next Extermination,” Sir Pentious mentioned.

“Good luck with that,” Alastor said with a smug expression. “Feel free to get defeated again.”

“I will not lose again!” Sir Pentious yelled. “Minions, ready the cannons!”

The Egg Boiz aimed the cannons again, but two large black tentacles shot out from the ground in front of Alastor. In a flash they had wrapped around Sir Pentious’ zeppelin…again…a third tentacle breaking a lower window. Niffty clapped and enjoyed the show, while Angel Dust, Vaggie, and Charlie watched in concern.

“Argh! Oh! Please! Stop!” Sir Pentious cried from inside.

Alastor chuckled darkly.

“Um…Alastor! I think he’s had enough,” Charlie mentioned.

Alastor laughed evilly, mouth open, red eyes bulging out.

“Nah, he’s got a few more hits in him,” Angel Dust countered.

Sir Pentious yelled as he tried to cling onto something on the floor of his ship. The zeppelin tilted downward and with a scream, the snake fell out through a hole in a broken yellow window. He landed with a thud and a faceplant on the ground in front of Alastor, the impact creating cracks in the ground.

Alastor twirled his staff. “Thanks for another forgettable experience.” An Egg Boi #23 fell and broke into pieces in front of Charlie.

Sir Pentious’ hand twitched. “Thank you…for letting your guard down!”

With his tail, Sir Pentious ripped off a piece of Alastor’s red suit. He lifted up his head and held the piece of fabric in triumph. “Haha! Yah!”

Alastor’s shadow loomed over him, and Sir Pentious’ face fell. “Oh shit…”

Sir Pentious screamed again as Alastor tossed him high into the air with another tentacle. Sir Pentious’ zeppelin exploded in green smoke, and he soon vanished into the distance. Alastor grinned as he posed with his cane.

Alastor turned around. “Well, it looks as though I need a visit to the tailor!” He was disgusted at Sir Pentious ruining his fabulous outfit. “Best of luck, chums!” He turned around to leave. Vaggie folded her arms.

“Wait, you’re LEAVING?! Alastor! We need your help! We need you to do your job.”

“We need a wall,” Angel Dust added, mentioning to the hole. Alastor turned around again.

“Of course! Can’t let my new project fall into disrepair already. What would the papers say?!” He snapped his fingers and shadow minions materialized before them as he left. A slender horned shadow grinned while holding a saw. A smaller one held a paint brush. One with a white face and black Xs over its eyes flew and carried a bucket. Another one held a hammer, paint roller, and bucket, and wore a hard hat. Another one also wore a hard hat and floated in the air. The largest one posed with his hands on his hips, one X over his right eye with a small black top hat.

Angel Dust shoved Vaggie aside and swayed as he walked over to the largest muscular demon.

“Hey, sweet cheeks,” he giggled. “Whatcha doin’ later? I love me a man with a giant…tool.” 

Vaggie facepalmed before marching over and dragging Angel Dust back inside the hotel.

“Hey!” Angel Dust protested. “I was just gettin’ started!”

0 0 0

Before long, the hole in the wall was almost fixed. The shadow demons posed by the wall as Charlie slumped down headfirst onto the couch in exhaustion.

Angel Dust scrolled through his phone. “Sooo, how’d it go?”

Vaggie sighed. “Not a single new recruit.”

Angel Dust shrugged. “Yeah well, who would wanna use their last days not fucking and fighting?”

Vaggie heard a knock on the front door. ‘Not Alastor again,’ she thought. She grabbed her spear and marched toward the door.

Vaggie opened it.

It was Sir Pentious.

Sir Pentious held his hat and titled his head.

“Why hellooo, my dear…”

Sir Pentious was cut off by Vaggie punching him in the face. He covered his face with his hands before tumbling to the rocky ground. Sir Pentious cowered as Vaggie aimed her spear at him.

“Wait, wait, wait!” cried Sir Pentious. “I come in peace.” He showed two peace signs with his fingers.

“What are you doing here?” Vaggie asked, suspicious.

“Vaggie, what’s the problem?” Charlie asked, appearing in the doorway. She gasped when she saw Sir Pentious. “Oh! Hello again!”

“I didn’t come looking for a fight,” Sir Pentious said as he stood up. “I heard this hotel was a safe place to stay at for the upcoming Extermination.”

“Then why did you attack it…twice?” Vaggie glared.

Sir Pentious folded his arms. “To get back at Alastor, of course!”

“Great job with that,” Vaggie replied with sarcasm.

“Look,” said Sir Pentious. “I had to endure a long walk all the way back here. I nearly got trampled with all the panic and chaos going on in the streets.  I also heard that you’re…uh…helping people, people who want to be better?”

Charlie gasped in excitement. “You heard right!” She pulled him over toward the doors. “Welcome to our Home of Healing, our Resort of Restoration, our Inn of…Innovation!”

Angel Dust glared and blocked the entrance. “Are you fucking nuts?! This chump was trying to kill us like literally six hours ago! And now you wanna bring him in here to live with us?!”

“Absolutely!” said Charlie. “This place is about second chances, and who deserves one more than this slithery…slippery…special little man!” She elbowed Sir Pentious and he grinned nervously.

“Aren’t you supposed to protect this place?” Angel Dust asked Vaggie.

“Yes, I am,” said Vaggie. “Listen to me, Charlie, how many times will we have to watch your people be killed if we don’t make headway, defend ourselves right now, and send shady pricks like him away?”

“Please, Vaggie. Give him a chance just this once.” Charlie gave Vaggie round puppy-dog eyes, begging her to let Sir Pentious stay. Vaggie sighed and relented.

“I guess he’s not much of a threat without the war machine…” Vaggie relented. Sir Pentious lifted his head up in anticipation.

“…or even with the war machine.”

Sir Pentious’ cobra head flopped down in disappointment.

Charlie hugged Vaggie, lifting her around. “Oh! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” She let go and walked over to Sir Pentious. “Sir Pentious! Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!”

“Oh no darling! Thank you! You won’t regret this.”

Charlie led Sir Pentious into the hotel as Vaggie reluctantly followed. Angel Dust waved his hands dismissively and followed. “Eh, I give you a week, tops.”

Charlie led Sir Pentious through the parlor.

“So, this is the bar, and the bartender…”

Charlie did a snapping motion of her fingers toward an unamused Husk holding a bottle.

“This is the curtain…” Charlie mentioned to a pink-red curtain upstairs. She pointed around.

“…and this is the new wall after you broke the last one, heh, and oh! Oh! This is the…”

Vaggie grabbed Charlie’s arm. “Babe, you don’t have to show him every detail.”

“Sorry, I’m just so excited to have our first real guest!”

“Uh, what the Hell am I then?” Angel Dust snapped, shrugging.

Charlie turned to Angel Dust. “Well, you’re an important part of our family here, Angel, but you, uhm, uh…”

“Constantly make us look bad, sexually harass the staff, and have literally never once tried to improve?” Vaggie asked Angel Dust bluntly.

“What she means is…” Charlie cut in, “…its’ just nice to have someone interested for once.”

Angel Dust looked upset after what Vaggie had said.

Niffty played with KeeKee with a string. KeeKee hissed at the sight of Sir Pentious and ran off. Niffty turned around to meet him.

“Over here, we have our maid, Niffty,” Charlie introduced.

Niffty gasped in excitement. “The bad boy is back!”

Niffty climbed up and held Sir Pentious’ collar. He flinched back as Niffty stared at him with her giant eye and sharp sadistic smile. “Never leave me again!”

“We’re 80% sure she’s harmless,” Charlie mentioned as Niffty got down. “And over here we have…oh!”

Charlie nearly bumped into a familiar figure. “Uh, Alastor! Our gracious facility manager! You’ve met our newest guest Sir Pentious…hehe…” Charlie backed away nervously.

“Ah yes!” Alastor replied, with narrowed eyes at Sir Pentious. “You’re the one who ruined my coat!” His face turned shadowy and his eyes glowed red. He spoke in a sinister tone, “I definitely remember you now.”

Sir Pentious gulped in fear.

“Well,” Charlie said to Sir Pentious. “I guess this is a great time for your first lesson!” She cleared her throat. “’How to apologize!’ The first step to becoming a better person is to admit when you are wrong. Why don’t you give it a try?” She urged him forward.

“Yes, uhm…” Sir Pentious cleared his throat. “Mr. uhm, Radio Demon, sir, please forgive me for attacking you and ruining your very lovely coat…uhm, here.”

Sir Pentious handed back the small piece of fabric to Alastor. He took it in his hand. “Ah-ho! Not many people have been able to take even this much off me, it must have meant quite a lot to you.”

Alastor grinned and burned the piece of fabric in a green flame with his magic. Sir Pentious and Charlie stood stunned. KeeKee watched the commotion, lying on an upstairs gold railing decorated with eye designs.

 The group soon gathered in front of the round fireplace. Charlie stood up, while the others sat down in various spots.

“Now, with a new resident, I think it’s important we all get to know each other! I’ve noticed there’s been a little…tension in the hotel. So, we are going to play a little game. Everyone, follow me.”

“Is this kindergarten or something?” Angel Dust rolled his eyes. Vaggie shrugged, not impressed with the activity, but deciding to follow Charlie along.

“My name is Charlie!” Charlie clapped twice. “I like to sing!” She clapped twice, “and when we get to know each other, it’s the greatest thing!” She clapped twice again. “Who wants to go next?”

“My name’s Sir Pentious.” He clapped twice. “I like to build,” he clapped twice. “…and despite my sssstupid Egg Bois, I think I’m very skilled!” He clapped twice, proud of himself.

Niffty raised her hand. “My name is Niffty!” She clapped. “I’m very swifty!” She clapped again. “I love to kill all the bugs in a jiffy!” She giggled and clapped again, holding her sewing needle weapon.

“Uh…great one, Niffty,” Charlie smiled a bit.

“My name is Vaggie,” she clapped twice. “I speak Spanish and fight.” She clapped twice. “I’ll make sure you don’t harm anyone here, or you won’t last the night.” She glared at Sir Pentious and clapped twice again. Sir Pentious chuckled nervously.

“That’s the spirit, Vaggie!” Charlie beamed. “Anyone else?”

Husk groaned in annoyance, after a long silence. “I am Husk.” He clapped twice. “I gamble and drink.” He clapped. “With the upcoming Extermination, these games are pointless, I think.” He clapped twice.

“Husk does have a good point,” Vaggie mentioned. “We are going to have to figure out how to defend ourselves when the angels come down here.”

“Yes, that’s true,” Charlie stuttered. “But…let’s focus on finishing the exercises first. Who’s next?”

Alastor talked in his radio voice without moving his mouth. “I am Alastor, I am a great radio host. I can’t wait to see which one of you will fail the most.” His eyes briefly turned to red radio dials against black and the background glitched.

“Enough of your creepiness, already!” Vaggie scoffed.

Charlie then mentioned to the last individual, Angel Dust.

“This is stupid,” he deadpanned.

“This is not stupid!” Charlie clapped twice, walking over to Angel Dust. “It’s just the game!” She clapped twice. “Everyone did it well, so please try to do the same!” She clapped twice.

“I’m too sober for this,” Angel Dust responded, hand to his face.

“Well, get used to it and learn to play, this is gonna be your whole day!” Vaggie clapped twice and grinned at the annoyed Angel Dust.

He sighed. “I’m Angel Dust.” He clapped twice. “I love killing, sex and…angel dust.” He clapped twice. “There is no one I trust.”

“Well, that’s something we can work on,” Charlie said.

“Forget it. I ain’t trustin’ no one.”

“Well, how about we work on it in our next session…”

She looked up and grinned. Razzle and Dazzle flew over and hung up a banner that read “Trusting 101” in blue paint near a stage. Charlie winked at Vaggie as they both stood up together in front of the group.

Charlie and Vaggie jumped in the air. “Trust exercises!” Vaggie repeated Charlie a few seconds after her and added, “Ah shit!” as they both fell on the floor. Charlie pulled Vaggie up and sighed. “Vaggie, we rehearsed this.” She then recovered and repeated, “We are doing trust exercises!”

Husk began, “So what’s with the whole, uhh, this?” He gestured to the Trusting 101 banner and stage behind Charlie and Vaggie. “I’m not about to put on some show for these fucking chumps.”

Angel Dust grinned, putting his feet on Husk’s legs. “Oh, I will, but it’s cash up front, and I know that one…” He pointed at Sir Pentious, “can’t afford me.”

Sir Pentious folded his arms in disgust. “Gross! I’d never think of it, ssspider!”

“Right, well let’s get started. Charlie?” Vaggie began.

Charlie moved to the front, clearing her throat. “We will start with trust falls! Each of you are going to share something vulnerable about yourself with the group, then fall backwards, while the rest of the group catches you. Got it? Who wants to go first?”

Vaggie raised her hand.

“Come on up!”

Vaggie stood on the stage. “Charlie is my girlfriend and…I’d do anything to make her dreams come true.”

“Aww,” Charlie smiled as she caught Vaggie in her arms. Charlie then released Vaggie and jumped onto the stage.

“I, I love you guys. Like really, really love you.” Charlie fell backwards and Vaggie caught her.

“Gotcha!” Vaggie smiled.

“That, felt, good! Angel, why don’t you go next?”

“Fine,” Angel Dust groaned. He walked onto the stage and faced the group. “Somethin’ about myself, huh? How about this? I LOVE to suck…”

Husk threateningly pointed a finger at Angel Dust. “I swear to fuck if you say ‘dicks’…!”

Angel Dust smirked. “Popsicles, ya sicko! Get your mind outta the gutter!”

He fell backward and Husk caught him.

“But, you know, dicks, too!” Angel Dust added. Husk dropped him abruptly and Angel Dust groaned, “Ow!”

“Your turn, Husk!” Charlie called after Angel Dust lifted himself up.

Husk slouched forward onto the stage. “Um…back when I was alive, I used to perform magic shows for kids.”

“Oh, how wonderful, Husk! Can you demonstrate…”

“Not now,” Husk growled. He fell backward and Angel Dust caught him.

“Sweet little Whiskers in my arms,” he giggled. Husk struggled out of Angel Dust’s arms and walked off.

Angel Dust looked over to Sir Pentious. “Alright, new guy, you’re up.”

Sir Pentious did a dramatic pose under the spotlight, tears in his eyes.

“I, I don’t want to live without my minions. Nobody catch me!” He fell backwards, landing in Charlie and Vaggie’s arms.

“Damn it,” Sir Pentious glowered.

“That’s great. Wow you are slimy,” Vaggie dropped Sir Pentious in disgust. “Okay, good job. Uh, Niffty?”

Niffty ran up onto the stage and giggled. “Sometimes I kill mother bugs in front of their children as a warning to others!”

Niffty flung herself off the stage and landed with a splat on her face as everyone moved back in horror. She lifted her arms in the air. “Yay! Pain!” She raced up and jumped again, but this time, Alastor caught her with one hand.

“Spectacular performance my dear!” He put her down and materialized onto the stage from shadow. He then spoke in his radio voice again, his smile glowing.

“When I was alive, I loved cooking jambalaya and venison with my lovely mama! She taught me singing, dancing, hunting…but I taught myself how to kill!”

The group stood in stunned silence. Angel Dust, Charlie, and Vaggie moved closer, but Alastor replied, “Touch me and I’ll rip your limbs off.”

He then fell backward off the stage…and into a black portal. He reappeared seconds later from the portal and posed, the background briefly glitching before the radio noises faded back to normal. He hummed and walked off.

Vaggie groaned. “I swear…this guy eludes everyone.”

The last social session was roleplaying. Angel Dust and Sir Pentious were on stage. In the audience, everyone except Charlie and Niffty looked bored and annoyed.

Angel Dust wore a gray trenchcoat and a brown hat with a black middle rim. Sir Pentious was happily licking a round pink lollipop with a yellow bow on the bottom, roleplaying an innocent boy wearing a white sailor suit.

Angel Dust read his lines in a monotone voice, the script in front of him. “’Oh, I’m a bad man on the streets who never got enough hugs, now, where’s an innocent kid I can sell crack to?’ Wow, who wrote this?!”

 Charlie grinned. “It’s great, right? Keep going!”

Angel Dust turned away from Charlie and said the next line. “’Hey, you.’”

Sir Pentious faced Angel Dust. “’Who, me???’”

Angel Dust deadpanned. “’Yeah, you look like a kid who could use some…” he looked at the script drawn in crayon by Charlie: ‘devil’s dandruff??’ Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

Sir Pentious acted with enthusiasm. “’Not me! I have to go home and ssstudy!’”

Angel Dust deadpanned. “’Come on, kid, it’ll make you cool like me…the crackhead.’”

“Oh, this is shit,” muttered Husk.

Sir Pentious finished with a proud pose. “’The only cool thing here is to sssay no to drugs! Now if you’ll excussse me, I’m off to not have ssssexual intercourse before marriage!’”

A victory “da-da” fanfare tone played from Charlie’s phone. Charlie stood up and clapped. “Yes! Oh bravo! Bravo!” She chuckled and walked over to Sir Pentious. “Wow, Pentious! At this rate, you’ll be redeemed in no time!” Sir Pentious smiled at the positive compliment.

Angel Dust sighed, feeling left out. “I…I’m going to bed.” He began to climb up the winding stairs.

Charlie beamed. “I am so proud of you, Sir Pentious! That was amazing!”

Sir Pentious was amazed and did a little bow. “Thank you! Thank you! You like me! You really like me!”

Angel Dust went into his room and tossed his trenchcoat onto his pink pet pig Fat Nuggets. Fat Nuggets woke up and peered out from underneath. He had small black horns on his head and little black spikes along his back. He also had small eyes, a curly pointed tail, and a small red heart on his body and behind. Angel Dust took off his hat and sadly lay on his side on his bed, pink neon spider webs decorating the walls. He scrolled through the voicemails left by Valentino. The nice-sounding ones showed pink hearts, while the threatening ones had red spikes.

“Angel baby, come home! It’s not the same without you here, I miss you! Come back…”

“ANGEL, YOU BITCH! IF YOU DON’T COME HOME, YOU’LL BE FUCKING GREASY TRUCKERS FOR THE NEXT YEAR…”

“Hey, amorcito, I didn’t mean to yell, but you know how crazy you make me…”

“YOU FUCKING SLUT!”

“Hey, Angie, about earlier…”

“KILL YOUR WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY!”

“Work’s really stressful!”

“LITTLE COCKSUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!”

Valentino then spoke into his head, his hypnotic pink smoke spiraling around him.

“You actually think you can change? Addict trash like you doesn’t change. I’ll see you soon, baby.” The red smoke curled around his chin and disappeared.

Angel Dust sighed and stood up. “Sorry, not now, Fat Nuggets. Fat Nuggets oinked in concern as he watched Angel Dust leave. Angel Dust grabbed a bottle of alcohol from the bar and gulped it down as he walked. It was one of the few ways to numb all the pain.

0 0 0

The next morning, KeeKee the cat purred and slept peacefully on the red sofa. The cat woke up and jumped off. Charlie stood on a ladder as Razzle and Dazzle helped her hang up a banner. The banner read in dark teal: “HAPPY FIRST WEEK, SIR PENTIOUS!”  with a drawing of a yellow snake off to the side.

“That looks perfect! Aah!” Charlie gasped in excitement. “I am so excited that Sir Pentious is staying at the hotel!”

“Um, Pentious was just trying to take over the city with his weird steampunk bullshit a few days ago,” Vaggie reminded her from below.

“Well, I haven’t seen him try to pull any of that here,” Charlie responded as she climbed down.

Meanwhile, five Egg Boiz were riding on a giant steampunk cannon in purple and gold that had gears inside of it. The weapon was being wheeled inside the room by Sir Pentious.

Vaggie had her hands on her hips. “What the hell is that?”

“Oh hello, gray moth female,” Sir Pentious smiled, lowering his top hat and taking a small bow. The Egg Boiz jumped off. “It’s my new invention, the Skin Flayer 11,000! I’m really looking forward to shooting the other residents!” He bore a mischievous sharp grin, leaning against his machine and posing with his arms folded.

“What? Why?” Charlie asked, surprised, and concerned.

Sir Pentious narrowed his eyes. “Everyone is being too nice. Obviously, it must be a lie. I can sense that they are planning to kill me, but when? How? I must be prepared!” Then he brightened. “Ooh, the new parts of my machine are here.”

Two demons came in. Clara had dark skin, red eyes, thick white curly hair, and black curved horns. She wore a dark skirt and skirt and wheeled in weapons in crates labeled “Carmine.” Odette strolled in wearing red round glasses, and a white lab coat with a high collar with black trim and black gloves. Her skin was white, as was her hair, which was in a ponytail. She also had black horns. Odette and Clara were the daughters of Carmilla Carmine, the leading weapons dealer in Hell, including angelic ones.

“Sign, please,” Odette told Sir Pentious, holding out a clipboard. He happily took the pen and signed the form.

“Thank you for your business. Enjoy your Carmine purchase,” Odette told Sir Pentious. The two daughters left the lobby, while Sir Pentious happily wheeled in the crates.

Vaggie seethed. “Carmine? As in Carmilla Carmine? You’re buying parts from an Overlord?!”

“Uh, of course,” said Sir Pentious. “She’s the top weapons dealer in Hell.”

“Okay, well that stops right now.”

Vaggie rushed over and wheeled the boxes away.

“Hey!” Sir Pentious protested.

“You absolutely cannot build weapons in this hotel,” Vaggie chided. “No one is trying to kill you. People are being nice because they want you to feel welcome.”

Sir Pentious scoffed. “Oh, really?” He glanced over at Vaggie’s death glare, at Husk flipping him the bird, at Angel Dust flipping him the bird, at Alastor’s red eyes plotting a way to brutally hurt him and Niffty eyeing him with a sinister giggle while dusting a corner of a wall.

“Hmm. I have my doubts.”

“Well, it’s true. You have to trust us,” said Vaggie.

“Well, I don’t. Especially coming from the one who has a spear aimed at me.”

Vaggie sighed at the spear in her hands and muttered. “Well…it sounded more convincing when Charlie told me to say all this to you.”

Sir Pentious hmphed. “I know you don’t believe I’m trustworthy either. Leave it to your girlfriend to do all your things for you.”

Vaggie fumed. “Says the idiot who has eggs as minions and can’t even act cool for your Overlord idols.”

Sir Pentious hissed in anger until Charlie broke up the fight.

“Well then, why don’t we focus on trust for today’s activities?” Charlie asked.

“We already did the trust falls yesterday,” Angel Dust groaned. “I can’t take any more of that.”

“I’m with you on that,” Husk muttered from the bar.

“Do you always stay at that bar 24/7?” Angel Dust asked. “Like, I haven’t seen you leave that spot for much of…”

Husk gave him a glare…Angel Dust shrugged and went back to his cell phone scrolling.

“Before we do anything else, we lay some ground rules,” said Vaggie. “No more building weapons, no more plotting against other guests…”

Vaggie glared as Sir Pentious was about to fire a small ray gun at Niffty, who he had wrapped with his tail. He smiled apologetically and let Niffty go.

“…and you need to get rid of these things,” said Vaggie mentioning to the Egg Boiz. Two of the eggs had a tug of war over one of the lasers. They accidentally fired it, and the blast created a hole in the ceiling. “Uh-oh,” mouthed one of the eggs.

“Oh!” Vaggie snapped, pointing up in anger. “What did I just say? What did I just say?!”

“What? Not my little Egg Boiz!” Sir Pentious cried, pulling them close in a hug. “They do my evil bidding for me!”

“Do you want to stay here and redeem yourself?”

Sir Pentious narrowed his eyes at Vaggie. “Yes.”

“Then no more eggs. And no more weapons.”

“Wait! Can I perhaps…keep my Egg Boiz and weapons safe in my room the whole time?”

Vaggie glanced at Charlie who gave her wide puppy dog eyes again. Vaggie rolled her eyes and waved a threatening finger at Sir Pentious.

“One sound from you and all your things go.”

Sir Pentious smiled at Charlie and looked down at his minions. “All right, eggies. You’ve got to stay in my room or else…I can’t keep you anymore!”

“Okay, boss,” said one of the eggs.

“And clean my quarters this instant!” Sir Pentious demanded as the eggs headed upstairs. Vaggie wheeled the boxes away and Charlie awkwardly pat his shoulder.

 Charlie soon felt exhausted as she once again tried to recruit more Sinners from outside. But many of them mocked her, saying things like, “Alastor showed that place as a dump on his commercials!” Or “The king of Hell is a depressed loser. Why should we waste our time with his daughter who dreams up fantasies for attention?” Vaggie managed to pull Charlie back inside before things got too heated.

0 0 0

In Charlie’s small office, Charlie and Vaggie talked quietly. Angel Dust was in his room on his phone with Fat Nuggets, Husk was at the bar, Niffty was hunting for bugs and Alastor was eating his venison dinner in his room, listening to jazz on his radio.

“This is hopeless,” Charlie sighed. “I thought that after Sir Pentious arrived, more Sinners would want to come in. Surely, they must be desperate.”

“Well to be fair, this place still looks pretty dilapidated,” Vaggie mentioned. “And maybe lots of Sinners feel safer…in their own homes?”

Charlie lowered her head. “What if Angel Dust and Alastor are right? What if no one wants to redeem themselves?” She panicked, tears in her eyes. “I’ll never be able to run this hotel in time for the Extermination! Everyone thinks I’m a fool! And my dad and mom aren’t even here to support me!”

Vaggie put a hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “You’ll do fine. You still believe Sir Pentious can do it, right?”

“Yes…I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Vaggie, how will he fix his mistakes if he’s stuck up in his room all the time? He has to come down and eventually talk about his problems.”

“You can’t force people to admit their mistakes,” Vaggie told her. “Much of the time, they aren’t even aware of their actions. Take Angel for example. He numbs his daily pain through drugs and alcohol. It has become such a habit for him that he doesn’t even think about it. With Sir Pentious…” She sighed. “…it’s the killing. That’s one reason why sending him upstairs was perhaps the next best thing for now…”

“While I’ll admit the killing part’s not good, he could perhaps learn to use his weapons for something more…productive?”

Vaggie folded her arms, coming up with an idea, her eyes then brightening a bit. “If perhaps I could train him to build weapons to defend the hotel against the upcoming Extermination…”

“I keep forgetting about that,” Charlie groaned.

Vaggie put her hand to her face. “I just don’t want him to hurt anyone else at the hotel. Especially you.” She looked into Charlie’s eyes, hands on her shoulders. “Be careful around him, Charlie. I know you like seeing the good in people, but…” she glanced off. “We may have to send him away if he decides to betray us. It takes years to unlearn toxic habits and beliefs.”

“He won’t do that!” Charlie assured her. “I think he just needs some praise and appreciation…from the right people!”

“An alcoholic spider, a psychotic radio showman, a gambler cat, and a shady maid…I don’t know if your people qualify as the right kind…”

“Don’t forget another Sinner like you,” Charlie said. “No offence.”

Vaggie briefly touched her back, glancing at her Exorcist spear. “Yeah, sure…”

“Let’s give him a chance,” Charlie said. “I’m sure he’ll stay in his room and not cause any trouble.”

“Okay, then,” Vaggie said. “But I still have a bad feeling…”

Neither woman noticed a hidden blue square camera from within the nearby bookshelf, recording the whole thing.

0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

Part Two

A panicking Charlie showed up on screen, the video soon going viral. “What if Angel Dust and Alastor are right? What if no one wants to redeem themselves? I’ll never be able to run this hotel in time for the Extermination! Everyone thinks I’m a fool! And my dad and mom aren’t even here to support me!”

A sinister chuckle echoed from the darkness. A pair of red eyes appeared against the black.

“Well, well, well…looks like the little princess brat is not so high and mighty now. All those rumors about her so called ‘Hazbin Hotel,’ and this view from the inside only proves her incompetence! My ratings will skyrocket after broadcasting this.”

A row of glowing white shark teeth appeared. “I can see the headline, ‘Princess’ Passion Project Plumets.’ Perfect! My little spy is doing better than I expected. Once her hotel is disbanded, I shall be praised for preventing the loss of Sinner souls from Hell for the Overlords…not that she ever had a chance to begin with!”

Electricity sparked as demonic laughter erupted. “Oh, how fun it’ll be to manipulate the masses further from the fresh fear of the Extermination! So many Sinners desperate to buy my products! So many delicious souls to collect! Only one thing shall vibrate in their ears… ‘Trust the Vees with your safety and money!’”

The lights blinked on, showing the Overlord Vox, the TV headed demon sitting in his throne-like chair, surrounded by glowing monitors and screens all around him. He tapped the arm of his chair with his fingers. Wires were attached to the back of his flat screen head, giving him more power, and allowing him to broadcast many shows at once. He wore a black suit with teal stripes and a large red bowtie. He had a black top hat with red tipped antennae at the top and teal lines at the bottom that looked like electricity. A black dot and two curves were under his bowtie, looking like TV waves. His shirt collar was teal with red trim. His gloves were dark with teal tips.

Vox was showing the videos from the Hazbin Hotel and advertising a drone at the same time. Vox posed at his desk on a separate screen with an image of the Hazbin Hotel, with “Wow, this is shit!” underneath it in red.

“Breaking news! Charlie’s so-called Hazbin Hotel project is going just as we expected…an utter failure. Here is a live look at what really goes on in that tacky dump. Here you see a princess who…” He chuckled as Charlie’s face appeared on screen, “…has no clue what she’s doing. We have some porn star spider of Valentino’s there, probably looking for crack. We have a drunken cat with wings, some moth chick, a steampunk snake, and a crazed maid. How’s that for redemption! Looks like Charlie needs to see her dear old depressed dad more often…they could cry together as more Sinners fall in the Extermination.” Katie Killjoy and Tom Trench laughed on a separate screen. “What say you, Katie?”

“I mean come on,” Katie Killjoy added. “I’d expect the princess of Hell to not be such a childish wimp! And what’s with the clown makeup on her face and all that red clothing? She looks like a pin-up doll from the circus! Oh look, she’s watching this now and she’s crying!”

Vox laughed as the camera panned to reveal Angel Dust showing Charlie Vox’s video from his cell phone.

“Well, if the doll has a hot spot somewhere, then perhaps I could…” Tom Trench began.

Katie Killjoy poured hot coffee on Tom Trench’s crotch and then shoved him aside. “No one fucking cares about you, Tom!” She smiled back at the camera. “Back to you, Mr. Vox!”

“We’ll be right back to discuss Charlie’s utter delusions after these messages.”

The screen shifted to show a gray drone with the V logo on it, a teal-white V shaped like electricity against red TV waves. “The Vees and VoxTek Enterprises are proud to present our latest product! New VoxTek designer voyeur scopes, peeping on the neighbors has never been more stylish. VoxTek, trust us with your money!”

A crowd of hypnotized demons barged into the store to buy the gadgets.

Another commercial flashed.

“Calling all Sinners! Are you scared for your afterlives about the upcoming Extermination in six months?! Fear no more, friends and fiends, for your safety may just be a click away. Introducing the new VoxTek Angelic Security System coming soon!” The Vox logo appeared now golden with angel wings. “This handy VDX (Vox Directional Xtreme) system will alert you to any Exorcist angel in the area, pointing you to the safest places to hide. Handy for Sinners and Hellborn alike, and only 66 souls a month. Upload the app to your phone and start your premium free trial today!”

And many more…

“This week’s episode of “Yeah, I Fucked Your Sister, So What?” is brought to you by VoxTek, trust us with your entertainment!”

“Trust us…trust us…trust us…..”

Vox laughed evilly as more electricity sparked around him and the mechanical “trust us,” chant grew. “Muhahahaha! Now that’s good television!” The teal line in his larger left eye moved like a wire and the black lines moved like hypnotic circles as more consumers got hypnotized, their eyes turning red and black with hypnotic circles as they watched Vox’s programs. More screens spied on everyday demons on their cell phones and laptops, allowing Vox an advantageous view of Pentagram City. He relaxed in his chair as he drank his morning coffee. Swimming around him in water from the outside were neon demon sharks of various kinds.

Vox was just about to launch another commercial when he spotted something odd. It was coming from a screen that showed the exterior of the Hazbin Hotel. Vox hit replay and it showed a glitching figure walking away after Sir Pentious’ zeppelin got destroyed. Vox had also noticed this glitching figure appear a few times in the shadows in several of the recorded videos from the camera. He paused it and it showed the figure tall with red hair and a red suit.

“Wait…” Vox breathed. “Clearly that can’t be…”

He peered closer. The figure was holding a microphone cane. No other individual could glitch themselves in his videos…

No one, but one.

Vox’s head fizzled in electricity, and he gripped the surface in front of him so hard that his nails made scratch marks.

“That FUCKER is back!” Vox cried in realization. “He was at that hotel with Lucifer’s daughter…and it’s been seven years!”

The Radio Demon was back all right. Vox and Alastor had been rivals for years. Many years ago, Vox heard of Alastor’s unique power and thought he would make a good addition to the Vees. After all, an Overlord able to easily take down so many others…on the Vees team! They would’ve been unstoppable.

But alas, stubborn in his ways, Alastor stuck to the old technology and pursued his enigmatic goals while Vox and his gang endlessly chased trends and updated their powers as society changed.

“The nerve of him to just show up so randomly!” Vox thought. “I thought he was gone for good! He almost beat me, thinking he’s so smug.”

Then Vox grinned at the excitement of a fresh challenge. “It’s been a while since I had some competition. Yes…things have changed a lot since he left town! I gotta send a message of who’s REALLY in charge of things now!”

Vox chuckled and sang.

“Welcome home!

I’m gonna make you wish that you stayed gone!

Say hello to a new status quo

Everyone knows that there’s a brand new dawn,

Turn the TV OOOONNN!”

Vox surged with power as more wires connected to the back of his head after he pressed a button. He spread out his arms as the screens in front of him blinked to life and flickered under his command. The floor below him lit up with white neon wires and electronic designs.

A demon director announced, “Camera, speeds, rolling in three, two…”

Several demons held hanging microphones as square light cameras blinked on next to them. A grinning gray demon wearing a blue jacket with a white collar was operating a film camera with two pink eyes at the top of it.

“Welcome to the show!” chanted a choir.

“BREAKING NEWS” appeared on TV screens against a glowing orange pentagram on a red moon. Vox turned around at his desk, the 666News logo in the teal background. The subtitles read at the bottom: “BREAKING: UNREMARKABLE LOSER BACK FROM FUCKING OFF.” An artist rendering showed a crude stick figure of Alastor with bloodstains on it. The labels pointing to various parts of the drawing read, “gross hoof foot,” “lame stick,” “dildo?” “Smelly probably,” “furry,” “dumb hair,” and “triangle ass.”

More captions moved at the bottom: “SO THE RADIO GUY’S BACK. I DON’T THINK YOU NOTICED. I DIDN’T AT FIRST. I WAS TOO BUSY BEING A MUCH MORE INTERESTING AND IMPORTANT PERSON. BUT FUCK IT. NEWS TODAY IS SLOW I GUESS. I’M TOTALLY NOT WORRIED ABOUT THIS GUY AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU BE. I TOTALLY WRECKED HIS SHIT LAST TIME HE TRIED ME.”

 Vox happily announced. “Top of the hour and we’re discussing a certain has-been who has been spotted cavorting around town after a seven-year absence. Did anybody miss him? Did anybody notice?” Vox shoved the drawing away. “More on tonight’s program!”

On another screen, Vox appeared and spun around on a tall chair at a desk. The desk had a “VOX-NITE” logo on the front of it. The wall had the Vox wire logo and an array of round stage lights around it. Lounging on a white sofa was another Vox wearing neon yellow shutter sunglasses. He held a dark gray mug with a teal V line and “FUCK ALASTOR” was in red on it.

“So, the Radio Demon is back in town!” announced the first Vox.

“Why is he hanging around?” asked the second Vox.

“What does that mean for your family?” asked the first Vox to the audience. “Well, handily, I’ve got good news!”

Vox appeared on another screen in front of red curtains, beginning his rap.

“He’s a loser, a fossil, and I don’t mean to sound hostile…

But the demon is a coward!”

Vox appeared on many TV screens, with “OBEY-N-PAY” in bold gold letters on the screen. Vox was cosplaying as a priest wearing red robes with teal trim. The stained-glass windows behind him were red with purple Vox Vs, and his pope hat was red with an upside-down white cross on it. He stood at a podium with his logo on it.

“You can take that as gospel!”

Vox then posed with 3D glasses on and a bag of popcorn in his hand and a remote in his other hand.

“Pulling my viewers? Impossible!”

A hanging microphone was next to him.

“I’m visual, he’s barely audible!

Stop giving him the time of day!”

Vox then grinned on another screen with a tropical background. There was a palm tree with coconuts, an ocean, an orange sky, and an erupting volcano. Vox wore a white suit with a white sailor hat and a pink lei with yellow hearts on it. He held an iced martini glass with a purple umbrella in it, a lemon slice, and a purple straw in the shape of a V.

“Don’t listen to a word he’d say!

I hope he had a nice vacay!”

The volcano exploded and the screen turned white. He ripped off his sailor costume, revealing his usual outfit. His face appeared on more screens as he loomed over the audience of demon watchers.

“But he should’ve stayed away!”

“While he hid in radio,

We pivoted to video!

And now his medium is getting bloody rare!”

Vox appeared in a chef’s costume and pulled out a severed bloody black and red deer’s head from an oven. Red blood stained the white tile walls, oven, and counter. Vox held the head on a plate as “VENISON WITH VOX!” appeared to the side, a red arrow pointing to “VOX.”

Vox then posed in the hallway.

“Hell’s been better since he split.

Where’s he been?”

Vox chuckled. “Who gives a shit?!”

Alastor had just stepped out of the tailor shop, pleased with his repaired coat. He glanced over and saw Vox mocking him on all the TVs. He sneered and walked with a newfound purpose back to the hotel. He wasn’t going to let that arrogant ass get in the way of the hotel…or his plans. He was soon back up in his radio tower, holding his magic microphone cane near his mouth. He sat on a flat couch with a pillow of eyes behind him. His coat rack was made of deer antlers and a microphone was in the shape of a red pentagram. In front of him were papers, knobs, and a red cup of coffee. A lamp with eyes on the stand was lit on a side table and a few bayou cattail plants were spaced out through the studio. A few rugs covered the wood floor.

Even after many years, his power still worked! “ON AIR” blinked to life in neon red letters over the tower.

“Salutations!” came Alastor’s smoother cadence singing. His voice was heard on all the radios and speakers in the city. “Good to be back on the air!”

More demons leaned to the left toward the red shop section labeled “Old Crap” with a radio on a table. The bottom of the radio was decorated with sharp white teeth, making a monstrous face. Vox glared from his TV screens. Shadowy arms appeared in the small room and operated the old-fashioned radio on a purple cushion. Several demons watched: a blue demon wearing Egyptian garb, a pink demon with a white tank top, a demon with one eye and a clock head, a teal-gray cat with bat wings, a green female mummy, a purple and white fox, a reptile demon, among others.

“Yes, I know it’s been a while since someone with style treated Hell to a broadcast.”

Vox and Alastor then engaged in a heated rap.

 “Sinners rejoice!”

“What a dated voice!” Vox snapped.

Alastor continued. “Instead of a clout chasing mediocre video podcast.”

“COME ON!” Vox yelled.

Alastor grinned. “Is Vox insecure? Pursuing allure?

Flitting between this fad and that?

Is nothing working?”

Vox fumed. “IGNORE HIS CHIRPING!”

 Alastor smirked, “Everyday he’s got a new format!”

 Vox fired back, the screen showing five various Vox faces (including priest Vox and sailor Vox) glaring at Alastor in the center. “YOU’RE LOOKING AT THE FUTURE!

He’s the shit that comes before that!”

Alastor sang, smoother and slower than Vox, his voice coming from more circles of speakers on high poles near the Vee tower. Several demons looked at each other, questioning Vox’s motives.

“Is Vox as strong as he purports?

Or is it based on his support?

He’d be powerless without the other Vees!”

In the Vee tower, Valentino and Velvette smiled evilly at each other as they imagined themselves overthrowing Vox and ruling their own territories. Their cell phones were in their hands, Valentino’s had a moth on it and Velvette’s had a < 3 on it, a large sideways V making a heart icon.

“OH PLEASE!” Vox argued.

Alastor grinned wider. “And here’s the sugar on the cream…

He asked ME to join his team!”

“Hold on!” Vox protested.

“I said no, and now he’s pissy! That’s the tea!”

A furious Vox teleported himself as electricity to the radio in the shop. Vox teleported to Alastor who was lounging on his couch. A blue screen appeared on Vox’s face, flashing white error messages as he glitched and fizzed.

(“A problem has been detected and Vox has been shut down to prevent damage to his systems. The problem seems to be caused by the following file: Alastor.EXE. Vox EXE. Crash – error- eat shit Alastor. Check to make sure all software and hardware is up to date and properly installed. Ask Vox for any VoxTek updates you might need. If problems continue (fuck you, Alastor) please disable or remove any Alastor from the general vicinity. If you need to use “unsafe mode,” reset your VoxTek device or press F6 and select “advanced startup options,” then select “unsafe mode.” Technical information: Stop: AlastorEXE. Old timey prick radio.”)

Vox raged; his fangs bared. “You old-timey PRICK! I’ll show you suffering!”

Vox teleported back to his TV room in the Vee Tower. His screen flashed in rainbow bands and he glitched some more.

Alastor chuckled. “Uh oh, the TV is buffering!”

Vox’s circuits overloaded with electricity as his anger rose.

“I’LL DESTORY YOOOOU YOU LITTLE…”

His signal briefly broke up. He let out an outburst that briefly overloaded and shut down everything in Pentagram City. Velvette’s hair and Valentino’s outfit got sizzled as they sat together in the dark in stunned silence.

“I’m afraid you’ve lost your signal!” Alastor finished in triumph as the pentagram-shaped city blinked into blackness.

No light was visible, save for the eerie red light coming from Alastor’s radio tower.

“Let’s begin.”

“I’m gonna make you wish that I stayed gone!”

His red eyes turned black, save for small red circles. Thick black antlers branched from his head.

“Tune on in.”

He placed his microphone to the side.

He morphed further into his demonic form as he stood up. His long neck extended outward, his yellow fangs growing longer and sharper.

“When I’m done…

 Your status quo will know its race is run!”

With a sinister close-up grin, his eyes turned into hypnotic red radio dials. A red x was in the center of his forehead, the fatal gunshot spot where a hunter had killed him on Earth. He sang in a low sinister tone.

“Oh, this will be fun!”

He finished with a chilling evil laugh. “Muhahahahahaha!”

After Alastor’s shadowy figure appeared on the screen, Vox’s signal was cut off and “no signal” appeared on the screens in front of him.

 “FUUUCK!” a dismayed Vox cried in the darkness. It took half an hour to restore the power.

0 0 0

After Vox recovered and the power was restored, his screen head vibrated. “Velvette is calling” with her icon on top appeared, a clown horn ringtone. Vox tapped his screen and his face reappeared. He snapped his fingers and electricity zoomed into the screen across from him.

Velvette appeared on the screen; her eyes narrowed. Her face was dark gray, and she wore skull earrings. She wore a pink frilly dress, striped fingerless gloves, and a short black sleeveless jacket with three pink hearts on it. Her hair was pink, with a streak of swirly white and gray in a thick ponytail.

“Hello there, Velvette!” said Vox. “How are you this hellish morning?”

“Oh, cut the shit, Vox. I need you up here now!”

Vox drank from another cup of coffee. “Whatever could be the problem, my dear?”

“Your little boy toy is wrecking my apartment, while I’m trying to pull together a show and…”

Velvette looked panicked as Valentino was heard cussing in the background and throwing items. Several demon workers ran in the background in chaos.

“FUCKING BITCH!” Valentino yelled.

Velvette yelled at Vox. “Just get your ass here! NOW!” She glared off to the side. “Damn it, Valentino!” The screen buzzed off.

Vox sighed, stood up and fixed his bowtie, an annoyed expression on his face. “Oh god, here I go, Valentino. Just another day fucking day with Val…and now Al. Hey, hey, hey. Fuck my life.”

He stood on a round platform with the V logo on it and it rose. An elevator with a smiling Vox with “trust us” opened to reveal a frowning Vox. Several posters advertised a Vox television device costing $9,000 and a “Velvette Love Potion.” Vox put on a smile for a crowd of reporters in the next room. They rushed at him with microphones out.

A demon woman reporter called, “Mr. Vox! What are your thoughts about the new Extermination deadline?”

“My dear people! We at VoxTek Enterprises have always been at the forefront of innovation. And now, with this new oncoming threat, we are shifting focus to your protection. We are pleased to announce…VoxTek Angelic Security is coming soon! Trust us, with Your safety!” The gold V logo with wings appeared on a screen.

Vox hypnotized the reporters with his eyes.

“Uh sir,” said Vox’s manager. His face was light gray, his short hair was teal and black, and he wore red glasses. A clipboard was in his hands, and he wore a red suit. “When did we begin working on Angelic Security?”

“Since I already aired the commercial about it earlier.” He walked off. “Try to get that bitch Carmilla on the books and cancel all my appointments today. I have a fire to put out upstairs and an emergency meeting about a certain radio demon.” Vox materialized into electricity and traveled up through a security camera.

Meanwhile, Velvette’s studio was in disarray. More demons were running around screaming. Several outfits were scattered on the floor and bloodstains were present on the floor and windows. Velvette stood her composure, strolling over to four demon female designers who stood by three tall mirrors, standing on violet rugs with Velvette’s logo on them.

“Ugh,” Velvette mentioned in disgust to a female demon with purple hair, showing her a red dress.

“No,” Velvette commented to a pink serpent showing her red overalls against a purple sweater.

“Unacceptable,” Velvette added to a blonde demon showing her a gray dress.

“You’re fired!” Velvette remarked to a pink demon with thick curly red hair and two front braids. Velvette held the outfit which had purple and white stripes on it. “What is this? WRIST RUFFLES?! Is this 1750? Burn it like the witches who wore it!”

Velvette sent the designers away as Vox materialized behind her from electricity. Vox waved a hand, and flames from various plugged devices went out.

“Velvette! I can see you’re busy. Tell me, where’s our hot-headed friend now?”

“Up in his room, waiting for a flat-faced prince to calm him down!” Velvette barked, hand to her face.

Vox sighed. “And uh, what’s got him so out of sorts today?”

“Who knows?!” Velvette said. “But he tore up my best model! And you know the show can’t wait for that unlucky bitch to pull herself back together!” A cyclops carried the remains of a demon.

Velvette tossed the remains of a pink gloved hand in the air. “Melissa! Get over here!”

A slender female demon stood nervous, wearing long maroon pants and a red shirt. Velvette snapped her fingers and various dresses magically appeared on her.

“No…” The woman wore torn dark jeans and a purple shirt with white hearts on it.

“No…” She wore black leggings and a short magenta dress with purple frills over her shoulders.

“Hideous…” She had on a short gray skirt with a red bowtie on it, a cream-colored shirt, and a long red coat.

“I want to die…Ew…” Now she wore a short red dress and black collar.

Velvette gasped. “Yes! That’s the one!” She smiled at a poofy red-pink dress with white hearts on it and a black trim on the bottom.

“Well since it looks like you’ve got everything under control here, you need to come to an urgent Radio Demon meeting once you’re…”

Velvette seethed at Vox. “Of course, I do! I don’t have time for any meetings right now. Fuck you! Now shoo!” She flipped him the bird. “Take care of the piss, baby!” She turned to her cell phone.

Vox groaned and headed upstairs. Two pink servant demons with long lavender and white hair and feathers on their heads held open the double doors for Vox. They wore black leggings and red shirts with white hearts on them, their hair looking like moth wings.

Vox was inside and the doors closed behind him. The room was filled with pink smoke. There was a couch, a table with a Venus Fly Trap plant, and a large flat screen TV.

Valentino sat up with fury in his eyes, “Fucking FINALLY!” He smashed a drink and turned to the side. “Kitty! Another drink!” The Robo-Fizz zoomed off and reappeared with another drink. Valentino stood up, wearing his robe of red-pink, the white fluffy collar decorated with red hearts. The pimp lord had hidden moth wings, pink sunglasses with yellow trim shaped like hearts and a tall red top hat with a black and white striped middle. One of his antennae on his head was smaller, lacking the white feathery part.

“Ugh!” yelled Valentino. “Can you believe what that piece of shit did? THE UNGRATEFUL WHORE!”

He tossed the drink at Vox. He moved out of the way as the drink smashed against the doors. A nearby poster showed an erotic picture of Valentino posing shirtless.

“Val,” Vox said. “You need to come with me to my meeting about Alastor…”

Valentino, in his anger, wasn’t paying attention. “STUPID WHORE!”

“Uh, which whore are we talking about this time?” Vox asked, clearly bored.

“Fucking Angel Dust! Who the hell else would I be talking about?! That fucking SLUT walked out on me! ME! I fucking made him!” He walked toward the window. “Without me, he’s just a little bag of meat with some mildly entertaining holes.”

“Oh. Angel quit?”

“NO! He didn’t fucking quit! It’s worse! He MOVED!”

He tossed Vox’s phone to the wall, making it shatter in half. Vox waved a hand and the phone repaired itself.

“He thinks he can just walk in here, work, and then go home somewhere else. Can you FUCKING believe that?!” He walked to the closet. “He thinks he can run off and shack up with Lucifer’s BIMBO daughter!”

Vox sighed. “I already know he’s living with Lucifer’s daughter. I saw the people at the hotel on video.”

“YEAH! That princesa bitch Chuckie or Chandler, or I dunno. Something mannish like that. She’s got this hotel and…”

Valentino turned around, holding up two revolvers. “Which of these makes me look sexier?”

Vox glared at him. “What are you doing, Val? You’re not going over there.”

Valentino loaded his guns. “That slippery twink is gonna remember who owns him. I’m gonna FUCK everyone in that rancid shithole I swear to Satan!”

“VAL!” Vox’s distorted voice boomed in his face as Vox’s eye did the hypnotizing motions. He grabbed his collar. “Hehe. Think about it.” He led Valentino toward the windows. “Our brand is perfection. And what do you think chasing whores around town will do for our image?”

“Uh…fuck it up?”

“Right! Do you want people thinking you can’t control your employees?”

“No!”

“Exactly! And hey, you still have him under contract. He isn’t going anywhere! So…you should…”

“Do nothing?”

“No. You should come with me to an urgent meeting. Following my lead…” he pinched Valentino’s cheeks. “Now that’s why they pay you big bucks.”

“Ugh. But I really wanted to shoot someone.”

Vox lit up Valentino’s cigarette holder with his electricity powers.

“Well, lemme call up the lowest earners this month for you to kill.”

Valentino smirked, blowing pink-red hearts from his long cigarette. “Oh, you know me too well.”

Vox sighed. “Now if we’re finally done here, the three of us need to talk about Alastor.”

“Oh, he really is back, huh?”

“Yes! I was going to tell you, but you were yapping on and on. I swear once I get my hands on that radio bitch…”

“Hey,” Valentino shrugged. “Killing Alastor is your kink, not mine.”

“Come on, Val!” Vox snapped, dragging him along. “We’re all meeting up right now!”

In the meeting room, a pink and white jester Robo-Fizz named Kitty placed a glass of wine onto the table. In a large tank around them swam several sharks with neon colors and code numbers on them. They served as Vox’s pets of sorts (He loved feeding disobedient demons to them). The three villainous Vees sat at a round table.

“We have a problem,” Vox began. “Alastor has returned after a seven-year absence, putting my entertainment brand in a conflict. He is also getting close to little princess Morningstar, so our main concern now is ensuring that no deal is ever struck between Lucifer’s BRAT…” He slammed the table with a fist… “and that smiling freak. If it does, they could team up against us. Sinners leaving Hell means less souls and power for us. We need to keep up a steady stream of chaos so more people will be desperate enough to let us influence them.”

“Quick question,” Valentino asked, giving Velvette a gleam. “Shouldn’t I be the main leader of all this? I mean, my Porn Studio is the biggest.”

“How about me? I’m the youngest,” said Velvette. “And more people are into social media than ever before.”

Vox folded his arms. “We’ve been over this. I arrived in Hell first and both of you depend on my TV services for your advertisements. Besides, we are more or less equal.”  Vox leaned into Valentino, his red eye moving hypnotically, his voice low. “Aren’t we?”

“Yes, Vox,” said Valentino. Velvet narrowed her eyes.

“Good,” Vox smirked, pulling back.

“Well, how exactly are we supposed to stop it?” Velvette asked.

Valentino was putting glue on his revolver, decorating it with glitter and marbles.

“Put something inside them. That’s how I get the bitches to behave.”

Vox rolled his eyes. “Literally fucking others is your specialty. Mine is media manipulation. And Velvette’s is love potions and persuading. This is different. We’re dealing with two powerful people.”

“I meant sending in a spy,” said Valentino.

“Oh, I already did that earlier today. I was checking on their progress when I was interrupted by that radio prick.”

“Is it Angel?” asked Velvette.

“That lanky prick won’t return my calls,” Valentino explained. “I’d kill him like the other demons behind on their payments if he wasn’t so popular and useful.”

“It would be someone Little Miss Bleeding Heart would take in,” Velvette added. “Someone pathetic, desperate with no direct ties to us.”

“I employ every down on their luck loser this side of Hell. Who the fuck is left?” Valentino asked.

Vox scoffed. “I think…I have just the one!” His eye did a hypnotizing gleam and the two sharks moved in to pose behind him. He then pulled from his pocket and placed down on the table…

…an old black and white photo of Sir Pentious.

“Huh?” Velvette and Valentino asked, peering to get a closer look.

Vox grinned. “Genuis isn’t it? This Overlord was so desperate to get praise from us that he was standing outside the Vee tower. He was calling out, ‘Vox! Vox! Notice me!’ He was all tired and was claiming that he was making a long journey back to a certain hotel. What a happy coincidence!”

“What happened next?” Valentino asked, blowing pink smoky hearts from his long cigarette.

“I came out of the tower and was all like, ‘Hey there random citizen! I’ve been curious about the princess’ rehabilitation project. Would you take this camera and digital watch and report back to me?’ And the fool agreed!” Vox laughed. “He had gotten beaten badly from his fall all the way to this part of town, so I healed him and sent him on his way. So then, he was able to get a video of Morningstar crying about how she couldn’t handle the hotel and I got it on the news! Now, I’m waiting to hear back from him to see if she has given up!”

“Uh, Vox,” Velvette glared at the photo and then at him. “You mean to say…that you made me rush through my fashion show for this meeting…AFTER I WAS ALREADY FALLING BEHIND AFTER THAT RAP BATTLE BLACKOUT YOU PULLED WITH THE RADIO DEMON…AND THE BEST SPY YOU COULD PICK WAS SOME STEAMPUNK ARSEHEAD?!” She bared her fangs and banged on the table, spilling a little wine. Kitty wiped it up with a napkin.

Vox held up his hands. “Chill, dear. I was going to tell you guys earlier.”

“Are you sure he’s the right kind of guy?” Valentino added, eyebrow raised. “He looks pretty stupid to me.”

“Val, he’s the perfect one to infiltrate the hotel,” said Vox. “No one will notice him.”

“Um, he did repair his zeppelin and he tried to attack the hotel literally earlier today!” Valentino reminded him. “You saw the video, remember? He’s not exactly a stellar sleuth.”

Vox waved a dismissive hand. “Just you two wait! When that snake comes back with the announcement that the hotel is no more, I will…erm I mean, we will be praised for our efforts!”

“If the Radio Demon is supporting the hotel, he won’t be happy if it’s gone,” Velvette said.

“Plus, my employee is in there,” Valentino added.

“Angel Dust is still under your contract,” Vox said to Valentino. “He won’t be going anywhere. I’m sure you can handle him and get him back. As for Alastor…” electricity sizzled around his hand. “I can’t wait to finish him off myself!”

Valentino smirked. “Still pissed that he almost beat you that one time? And won the rap battle this time?”

“FUCK YOU, VAL!”

0 0 0

Back at the Hazbin Hotel, Charlie buried her face in her hands on the couch. Vaggie comforted her as she cried. They had finished watching the news.

“I…I can’t believe it!” she sobbed. “Just when I thought I was making progress, the news anchors mocked me again! Now all of Hell thinks I’m a fool!”

“Aren’t you going to prove them wrong?” Vaggie asked.

“I…I don’t think I can…it’s too much…”

“Wait…you’re not quitting are you?” Vaggie asked, concern in her voice.

Charlie wiped away some tears. “What’s the point, Vaggie? We’ve tried everything so far. No recruits for the hotel…and look at this!”

Charlie showed several online posts from her cell phone: “#BringDownHasBeenHotel” “#VeesRule” “#VoxOwnsRadioDeer,” “PrincessPassionProjectPlummits!”

“Don’t let those assholes get to you,” Angel Dust said to Charlie, looking up from his cell phone. “But I did warn you that you didn’t have much of a chance to begin with.”

Vaggie glared at Angel Dust. “Not helping.”

Charlie stood up. “I love you guys, and I appreciate all your help, but…I think…I may have to close this place.”

Vaggie gasped softly. Niffty’s face fell. Angel Dust scrolled on his phone. Husk sighed and walked off. “I’ll go pack my stuff.”

“Goodnight guys,” said a sad Charlie. “If we don’t know who’s filming us, there’s no point in trying to stay...it’ll just get worse. You can leave in the morning if you want.”

“Where will you go?” Vaggie asked Charlie.

Charlie looked down somberly. “Back to my mansion with my busy depressed dad I guess.”

“Can I stay with you?”

“Of course!”

“Can I?” asked Angel Dust.

“No!” Vaggie barked.

“Worth a shot,” Angel Dust shrugged.

Charlie glanced at the banner that read “HAPPY FIRST WEEK SIR PENTIOUS!” with the yellow snake on it. ‘We were so close, Sir Pentious,’ she thought. She yawned and headed to her room, too tired to remove the decorations. Angel Dust spotted Alastor and marched toward him.

“Al,” Angel Dust called. “You’re the one who did the commercials mocking the hotel. Did you do the ones mocking Charlie, too?” Vaggie also glared at Alastor, watching Charlie go down the dark hall.

“Nope,” Alastor replied. “I’d never involve myself with Vox and his pathetic picture-box shows.”

“But you used to be Overlord friends!” Angel Dust glared.

“Before he became involved in useless trends and his own ego,” Alastor scoffed. “He was only interested in furthering his company with my powers.”

“And I think you want Charlie to fail for your own amusement!” Vaggie seethed. Alastor just stood with an enigmatic grin.

“You’re the spy, now fess up!” Angel Dust barked.

“You all are a bunch of idiots,” Husk mentioned from the distance. “We know someone was somehow able to film us from the inside. You know he doesn’t like modern technology. Why would he use it to further mock us?”

“Exactly,” said Alastor. He turned to Vaggie. “I told you I was never to be bothered with using such frivolous technology again.”

“Oh…right…” Vaggie suddenly realized.

Alastor materialized into shadow and vanished. Vaggie followed Charlie into her room. She held her hand. “It’s okay, Charlie. Perhaps we can try something else, build a restaurant or something. The Hazbin Inn, how about that?”

Charlie shook her head sadly. “Even though we have Alastor and Angel Dust, it’s still not enough. Let’s go to bed.”

Vaggie relented and sighed, worried about her girlfriend and what they would do next for Charlie’s dreams.

Later that evening, Angel Dust gulped down a bottle of alcohol. He heard something slither in the dark and thought he saw a shadow slip away.

“Huh?” he asked.

Angel Dust peered into Charlie’s office, the door open a crack. Spiderwebs lined several sections of the bookshelves. To his shock, he spotted Sir Pentious with an evil grin setting up the gray square camera on a bookshelf!

Angel Dust slammed open the double doors with all four hands.

“You slippery little shit!”

Sir Pentious turned around and screamed, flinching back.

“You’re working for the Vees?!” Angel Dust asked. He marched over to Sir Pentious, jabbing a finger into his chest. “I fucking knew there was something shitty about you!”

Sir Pentious brushed Angel Dust’s hand away and walked to the side. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He grinned and faced Angel Dust. “Whore bug!”

Angel Dust yelled in anger and rammed himself into Sir Pentious. They fought and rolled on the ground, Angel Dust punching him in the face several times. He rolled him over and caught him in a headlock with his arm. Sir Pentious struggled free of his grip. “Get you’re aggressively average body…OFF OF ME!”

All of Sir Pentious’ eyes flashed hypnotically. “FUCK!” Angel Dust cried, hypnotized and stepping back. Sir Pentious hissed and slithered back. Angel Dust shook his head, snapping out of it. He marched toward Sir Pentious again, fists clenched.

Charlie yawned and she and Vaggie stepped into the room. They both wore their nightgowns. Charlie wore red two-piece pajamas and Vaggie wore a white dress nightgown. Charlie had black slippers on her feet with red flowers on them. Her long blonde hair was untied and messy.

“What’s going on?” asked a tired Charlie.

Angel Dust grabbed one of Sir Pentious’ arms. “This little bitch is a traitor!”

Sir Pentious yanked his arm free. “Preposterous!” He walked toward Charlie and Vaggie. “I would never betray you! You…are my best friends!” He hugged both girls.

“Uh huh,” Angel Dust deadpanned. “Then explain this!” He moved a book to the side, revealing the camera. Vaggie glared at Sir Pentious, her suspicion confirmed.

“Now we know how Vox was able to film us!”

Charlie gasped in shock at the realization.

“You…you almost made me lose my hotel…” Charlie whimpered.

Sir Pentious screamed. “Ah! Ah! Abort! Abort!” He slithered to the window and held up his gray wristwatch. “S.O.S.! Agent Pentious in need of immediate evacuation!” Sir Pentious tried to yank open the window in vain.

Vox’s face appeared on the small round screen of the wristwatch.

“Pentious?” Vox asked. “Wait…you were caught?! It’s barely been a day or two!”

“Please! You’ve got to get me out of here!” Sir Pentious begged.

Vox chuckled and scoffed. “I can’t believe we thought you could handle even something this simple. Do us a favor, if they don’t kill you…” His eye did the hypnotic motions and he spoke lower, “…go ahead and do it yourself! You miserable failure!”

The screen clicked off.

“I…I…” Sir Pentious cried, hurt by the words of his former idol.

He slithered forward, shoulders down, head lowered. “Just make it quick I guess…”

He curled into a ball, awaiting his death. “Not that I deserve it…”

“Gladly,” Vaggie replied, readying her spear to pierce Sir Pentious’ skull.

“Wait,” Charlie said, pushing back Vaggie’s spear. She leaned down and held out her white hand. “Pentious?”

Sir Pentious looked up at Charlie, teary-eyed. Forgiveness and a softness radiated from her face as she began to sing.

“It starts with sorry…”

She helped Sir Pentious up.

“That’s your foot in the door.”

“One simple sorry, spoken straight from your core.”

Charlie placed a hand over Sir Pentious’ heart. He gasped softly. He had never felt any real love or kindness since his time on Earth long ago. She put a hand on his shoulder and made her other hand into an encouraging fist.

“The path to forgiveness is a twisting trail of hearts!”

Charlie slid on a sparkling pink trail in her black slippers that magically appeared near her feet. Smoky hearts swayed and vanished where Charlie danced.

“But sorry is where it staaaarts!”

She spread out her arms to him. Sir Pentious closed his eyes and looked away as he sang.

“Who could forgive a dirtbag like me?”

“I don’t deserve your amnesty.”

Sir Pentious leaned backward on the floor, hand over his heart. Vaggie and Angel Dust gave him menacing death glares. Vaggie had her spear and Angel Dust had two guns in his hands. Sir Pentious scooted backward in fear. Vaggie and Angel Dust stood in shadow, a purple light showing their eyes, mouths, and weapons.

“Can’t we just kill him? Shoot him and spill his blood?”

Charlie stuttered.

 “That’s an option you could choose…”

“Works for us!” harmonized Vaggie and Angel Dust.

Charlie bravely walked forward, pushing aside all the weapons.

“But who hasn’t been in his shoes?”

Charlie leaned down and held out her hand for Sir Pentious again.

“It starts with sorry…”

“Sorry.” Sir Pentious began, standing up. Charlie twirled him around in a dance. She pulled him closer to her face, holding his hands in hers.

 “Dig down deeper and say one sincere sorry!”

In response, Sir Pentious leaned back in a dramatic pose and chorused, “I’m so sorry!”

“And your journey’s underway!” Charlie smiled as she and Sir Pentious spun around. Vaggie and Angel Dust shared bewildered looks.

In a purple sky background were flashbacks of Sir Pentious’ life in Hell: Sir Pentious grinning on his zeppelin, Sir Pentious with metal binoculars, Sir Pentious surprised at a broken Egg Boi in front of him, Sir Pentious using a square tablet device, eyes narrowed.

He and Charlie began a duet at the same time.

 “It’ll take time to uncover your vast multitude of sins…”

 “It’ll take time to uncover my vast multitude of sins…”

They both harmonized, “But sorry is where it begins!”

Yellow fireworks exploded the flashbacks and read “SORRY” in sparky letters. Sir Pentious and Charlie smiled as sparkles rained down on them.

“It starts with sorry.”

The song ended with the two of them smiling at each other back in the room. In the doorway stood an unimpressed Niffty in a white-lavender dress nightgown with a pink bow on top.

“I hated that song! Why are you so lame?!”

She stomped over and promptly kicked Sir Pentious’ body. “Not a bad boy!” She folded her arms and marched off. Sir Pentious grimaced in pain.

Charlie sighed. “Good to see things resolved for the moment. We will keep this hotel going! Let’s get some rest.”

“Thank goodness,” Vaggie smiled at Charlie. The gang headed off to their rooms. Vaggie then rolled her eyes and said sarcastically. “The Sir Repentious Arc begins. Yay.”

“Admit it, Vaggie, my song helped him!”

“I’ve told you many times Charlie, life is not a musical!”

“Just…enjoy it Vaggie. I know you do, inside.”

The lights dimmed and in the darkness Alastor’s red eyes and yellow smile glowed. He walked over and picked up the wristwatch.

“WHAT?!” bellowed an angry Vox, before he paused in fear, realizing who it was.

“You’ll have to try harder than that next time, ol’ pal!” Alastor remarked.

Vox bellowed in rage as Alastor crushed the wristwatch with his hand. He dropped the sparking broken device onto the floor and left the room in shadow with a sinister laugh, his eyes and mouth briefly appearing again.

[holylulusworld]

Desperate Souls (4)

Summary: Six years later you and Sam are still a thing.

Pairing: Sam x Reader, former Soulless!Sam x Reader

Characters: Dean Winchester 

Warnings: angst, talking about prostitution, dom/sub undertones, angry Sam, hurt & comfort, vulnerable reader, soft Sam, fluff, cuddling & snuggling, jealous reader, implied smut

A/N: A short epilogue to see what happened to Sam and his girl.

<< Part 3

Divider by @firefly-graphics​

“But Dean said it’s a good idea,” you argue, fighting Sam��s hold on your wrist. “He said that I should distract the Deputy, no flirt with him to distract him. This way your brother could sneak into the office and get the needed information.”

“Oh, is my brother suddenly your boyfriend?” Sam growls eyes narrowed a little. You swallow thickly, feeling your heartbeat quicken when Sam looks at you like he’s ready to devour you.

“N-no Sam but I wanted to help out,” whimpering you feel his large hands grip your upper arms to push you against the nearby wall. “Sam…please.”

“You’re my girlfriend, mine,” possessively claiming your lips Sam growls against you. “Maybe you forgot your place. Or do you want to go back to being a prostitute? Selling you so easily to someone else to get the result my brother wants sounds like prostitution to me,” hurt you look away, sniffle silently as Sam steps away from you. “I told you that your job is to do research, nothing else.”

“I didn’t let him touch me,” running out of the library you sniffle, wiping your eyes angrily. “I wanted to help out.”

For the first time since you joined the brothers on hunts, you had the feeling you did something useful to help them and now Sam is mad.

“Sam, it was my fault. I saw the way that douche eyed your girl, and thought-“ Sam raises his hand, angrily clenching his jaw. “I get it, she’s your girl and I messed up. But don’t blame her for my mistake. Y/N only wanted to help me out.”

“Y/N could’ve gotten hurt,” Sam whispers, feeling his chest tightening at the thought he could lose you. “She’s my girlfriend and you risked her life. What if the Deputy was the guy killing all the girls? Did you think about the consequences of your doing?”

“I was with her all the time-“ Dean talks back, cursing as Sam turns his back on him, shaking his head. “Sam, I would never let anything happen to Y/N. You know that.”

“I know but we also lost people we tried to keep safe! Charlie, Bobby, Kevin and so on, Dean. Sarah Blake died right in front of us while we tried to save her,” furious Sam turns around to glare at his brother. “And don’t tell me we tried anything, I know we did but things went wrong, and she died. A mother died and we were helpless. I don’t want to lose Y/N.”

“You’re right, and I’m sorry,” nervously rubbing the back of his neck Dean sighs. “Just don’t ignore the poor girl. She longs to have your attention and love. Don’t take this away from her.”

“I know how to handle my girlfriend,” Sam growls. “I’m with her for six years and know she needs my attention and care. But,” he smirks now, something dark in his eyes, “she needs a strong hand and punishment tonight. I could see it in her eyes. Y/N needs to hear me praise and me to punish her.”

“I could’ve happily lived without knowing about your girl’s preferences in the bedroom,” Dean mutters. “Stop talking about your sex life with me.”

“It’s our dynamic, Dean. Y/N needs me to be her dominant tonight, not her caring boyfriend. I’ll make her feel good right now,” Sam walks away, leaves a shuddering Dean behind.

“Too much information, Sammy!”

While you look around the room, unsure if Sam still wants you around you gnaw at your index finger. You’ve got no clue where you can go if Sam kicks you out of your shared home.

Dean is a friend, and you consider him family but he’s Sam’s brother and would never choose your side, even though it was his fault you got into a fight with his brother.

“Kitten, I want you on the edge of our bed, naked, hands behind your back and eyes on me in ten,” Sam walks into the room, exhaling dominance. “Kneel and show me what a good girl you can be.”

“Yes, Sir,” you immediately get off the bed to strip your clothes off. Slow to give Sam a good show. You can feel his gaze on and shiver as he hums in appreciation. All you want is for Sam to not be mad at you.

“You’re so pretty for me,” he husks, fingers sliding over your back, causing you to whimper. “Always so beautiful and warm,” his lips meet your skin, force tiny gasps out of your throat. “I changed my mind. I want you on hands and knees, face in the cushions for me.”

“Yes, Sam…Sir,” you moan feeling his slender fingers slide over your chest to pinch your nipples roughly. “All for you.”

“Good girl,” another whimper leaves your lips, and you feel warm, drifting toward the headspace you are seeking since you and Sam fought. “Now do as I said.”

“I’ll do anything to make it up to you, Sir,” you bite your lip, looking up at Sam with teary eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Baby girl,” Sam’s postures changes in a split-second. He drops the silky scarf he wanted to use to fixate your hands, to bring you in his arms. “Y/N, I’m not mad at you.” he kisses your hair softly at the same time as his large hand runs over your exposed back. “Please don’t think I’m mad at you.”

“But-and-then-and,” you sniffle, face hidden in Sam’s chest to inhale his scent. “I don’t want to lose you, Sam. You’re all I’ve got.”

“Shhh, baby,” he carefully picks you up to hold you in his arms, smiling when you wrap your body around him. “We won’t do this tonight. I only want to hold you in my arms. I was so worried something could have happened to you.”

“Dean, he protected me, but I understand you worry about me. I’m not a hunter and can barely fight you or Dean.”

“Aw, my cute girl believes she can fight me,” Sam laughs when you whip your head to meet his gaze, holding it, a pout on your lips. “What I wanted to say is, that you don’t have to defend yourself, I’ll always protect you. Promise me you’ll never risk your life again.”

“Promised,” pecking Sam’s cheek you giggle when one hand starts to wander toward your ass. “Sam, I love your hands on me.” you moan.

“Guys! Are you naked or can I come in? Uh-erm,” Dean stammers, “Jody called. She and Donna could need our help with a case. Only if you are up to it, Sammy.”

“Another case,” you gasp feeling Sam’s lips on yours to greedily kiss you. “Aw, no sex then.”

“We will have so much sex after that case you’ll walk funny for a week,” he grins, eyes drifting toward the anti-possession tattoo on your chest. His name stands next to it and he smiles, remembering the way you clawed at his hand when you got it. “Make it a month.”

“A month,” giggling you look at Sam, giving him a firm nod. “Noted, Sir.” you husk against his lips. “Now get dressed and save the day, my hero…”

“I hate this,” you whine, looking at Dean who gives you an apologetic smile. “Why must it be Sam? Why didn’t you flirt with that woman to get information? Now he’s running late. What if he finds her more attractive, smarter, or simply desirable?”

“Sweetheart, you are more to my brother than a pretty face. You know that Y/N,” Dean tries to calm you but does the opposite. “Stop pacing around the room.”

You clasp and your hands together, groaning as you can’t get the image of Sam and the doctor out of your head. She dared to touch his bicep and now, well now you are too nervous to sit still.

“I know he loves me but-“ you bite your lower lip, suckling at it, “Sam is an extremely attractive man, a smart one. Every woman we met is whether all over you or my Sam.”

“Your Sam – huh?” Sam smirks when you look at him with wide eyes the moment he steps into the motel room. “When did you make me yours? And why didn’t I know about it?”

“It’s just you know,” trailing off you watch Sam loosen his tie. “Something people in a relationship say.”

“Good, you’re back. Sammy, never leave with another woman or Y/N will lose her mind. She was chewing my ear off,” Dean snickers when you shoot him a disapproving look. “It’s true, sweetheart. You almost murdered me for not hitting on the doctor.”

“Now you know how I felt when you flirted with that douche to get information for us. I don’t want to see you with other men either, baby girl,” Sam holds out his arms, smiling when you immediately let him wrap you in a hug. “Nothing happened, Y/N. And nothing will ever happen with another woman.”

“That’s not fair,” you whine, snuggling into Sam’s warm chest. “You’re always so warm and I got cold feet and hands.”

“My little frostbite,” Sam pecks your hair, while one large hand caresses your back, tickling your skin. “I guess you must always stay close to me. Not just at the bunker so I can keep your warm and safe.”

“I was jealous when you went out with that doctor. She was so pretty and smart, I feared you could fall for her, Sam,” you admit, sighing when Sam pinches your ass.

“Why?” he smirks when you lift your head to meet his hazel eyes. “I got a perfect girl by my side. She’s cute, a little crazy and I can bend her to my will with my hands.” he purrs the last words, eyes three shades darker when you start to squirm on top of him.

“Sam,” you move one hand over his bare chest, and he shivers at your touch. “Do you want to scare your big brother for a lifetime? Pay him back for telling me to flirt with the Deputy, Sir?”

“Hell…yeah…”

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----------------------------------------------

Sam/Jared Forever Tags

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@train-wrecc​​

@neii3n​

[chaoticornot]

These are my rants about the first half of season 3. Or the first 9 episodes. This is way too long, I’m sorry.

Why did they break up?? I'm curious. I love the Nancy and Tk friendship. This is not gonna end well. Marjan you can't be stupid enough to drive in this weather that is just waiting on an accident. Tell him Buttercup. I get why Owen won't sign but cmon. The awkwardness in their exchange, help. Who goes walking in this weather??? Awesome Mateo. Oh no, Paul. That baby room looks fantastic. Grace and Judd bring me happiness. S03e01

The absolute adorableness of grace saying, that's your father to their child. They are so cute. How many people are gonna end up in the hospital? I think 4. Paul, TK, Owen, and Grace. Owen why would you go out in the snow. Oh god TK. Not what I was expecting to see but omg. But did no one keep an eye on him like you saw how he was shivering? Carlos's face when Tommy said they needed to find Owen. And poor Nancy, someone hug her, please. Of course, Owen stumbles onto this. And there is a Gun, fun. Are Paul and TK at the same hospital? S03e02

Yess, Marjan. Did not expect the cop to be in on it but don't know what I expected. Not the jam session. Tell him, Gracie. Okay, I get it but you can't drive yourself to the hospital in these conditions, and I'm sorry that you stuck with Billy. TK and his mom, those scenes ars adorable. Who knows about TK, Nancy, Tommy, and Grace, right? The rest are gonna be shocked. Also, someone gets Judd so he can take Grace and doesn't miss the birth of his daughter. Billy has some balls, unbelievable. And then he has the audacity to make it about himself. I hate him. Poor Carlos. Someone does make sure that he doesn't do anything stupid. I got 3/4. Everyone except Owen, but that was only because Marjan intervened. S03e03

Yeah Grace, kill him. She is amazing. Stop dying, easier said than done. You know when I said that Billy makes everything about himself, yeah I was right. Grace is in labor, and this man collapses. Carlos's mom was like I love him, but I love you more, and j will beat his ass. And yes you do need to let it out. Btw, those nurses should be handled because that was incredibly unprofessional.  TK is such a cutie. I love what did they did with making him and Gwynn do the same things. Tk is right it was an incredibly sweet power move, and I get Carlos's intentions, but you knew he didn't have to money, and TK had all the right to be upset. But breaking up is maybe not the solution. The hug between Carlos and Owen though. Worried Judd. He made it, whoop. I am not surprised they did TK waking up and Grace giving birth at the same time. TKs, hey baby, breath. Awwwwwwww. How Carlos collapsed omg. They moved in the loft looks amazing. They're so cute. something that has me weak is talking while kissing, it's always the cutest and how they fell awe. charlie, that's zo sweet. In the scene where they are walking in like a formation, Nancy looks hot as fuck. They made it, whoop. How are they pushing the trucks or is someone driving and they are just pretending? They all look amazing in their uniform. And Carlos in his suit. Gwynn, has TK met his brother before, I don't think so. They still should not have forgiven Billy, still, hate his guts. Owen and Carlos friendship j love it. Can you imagine how special it was for Tk to see his mom? Carlos and tk dancing and holding a baby, omg. I'm dead. S03e04

A couple of things I am already glad about didn't happen because I have seen before and it fucks up character. 1. Judd not keeping it a secret from Grace. 2. Keeping in contact. 3. Considering it. 4. No money asked just curiosity. Carlos is not gonna let this go. Talk about healthy communication, no blaming just sad. Good on Judd for doing a paternity test. He loves Grace. TK falling asleep on top of Carlos's arm is the cutest thing, especially with what is playing in the background. And Carlos with glasses, excuse me, who gave you the right to be that hot? Of course, he figured it out. Owen, of course, has to go after it. My father-in-law, more or less. Why is that so funny. She wants to continue the date help. Detective Carlos Reyes has a ring to it. Good on them to have dinner with each other and talk. S03e05

Dinner was awkward to watch, and he is trying but oh god. 1,4,3 could mean I love you if it's from Charles. Grace is the best. How they just came in with their suits was hilarious. Aww, that dinner was so cute, and I thought it was gonna be the candles. S03e06

The slow blinks from Owen like he has to process that this man can be that stupid. The silence was so loud. Tommy's exasperated, this is going to be great. This rescue reminded me of the one on 911. Poor Carlos, trying to warn these fuckers, and they don't take it seriously. Yeah, there are gonna be consequences. How TK looked at Carlos, like fond but also calculating because I think he realised how serious Carlos was. That cop is a dick though. They are right it could have been dangerous. That is why he is a dick. He puts people in danger for his ego. The banter between Grace and Judd is awesome. My hand on your ass, good one Owen, that doesn't sound weird at all, in this context. Carlos is sitting trying to be supportive but is just a ball of anxiety. Tk with a backwards hat and sunglasses is everything. I knew TK was gonna be good at this. Not surprised that Paul is too. Show them, Nancy. Look at them cheering. Cheater. Someone punch this man in the face, please for me. THANK YOU OWEN. Carlos face had me holleman. How you saw him go, oh sit. The running, the arms help, hahaha. Well, at least he has some brain. I love that he made it up about his dad dying. Aww, there so sweet putting her in the spotlight. She's so cute. The horror on both their face when TK says it out loud, omg. S03e07

Oh, we are getting a look at TK's past. Poor baby. How Paul and Mateo are looking at Judd like, you figure it out. Oh no, and thank you, Owen, your timing is impeccable today. TK with the earring is awesome. Babe, sorry to break it to you, but you're not fine. His eyes kill me. Badass paramedic TK. Great teamwork. He looks so broken, omg. Nancy and Mateo moment, aww. Carlos desperation, omg. This episode made me cry. I love seeing more of TKs past, but it often makes me sad. The last scene, aww. I wish he still would go to NY and take Carlos with him, even if it's just to see Jonah. S03e08

Good one Gwyn she definitely flipped him the bird. Aww Tommy and TK are so sweet, and the growth on TK side is amazing. How honest is he?? Oh god, we are going from one crisis to another. Fuck, thank you, Marjan for being there and being honest. I'm sorry Paul, but if this motherfucker doesn't take the surgery I am gonna be pissed. This is Buck arc 2.0, god help me. Pauls appartement, i like it. Oh no, Marjan, you should not have said even though he does need to get surgery. You have always wanted to apologise but couldn't do that when she was living with you for months. Did he just snap the spaghetti? Oh no, Marjan go. Thank you, Marjan. Marjan is right, she did not make that choice and is not guilty of anything that happened. Aww, I love the bird now. Aww baby TK. The bird is dead, omg. Not what I was expecting. Don't the rest of the 126 know about the surgery?? That seems something that you can't keep quiet. I would have expected Marjan to call someone. S03e09

[chvoswxtch]

none of y’all were gonna tell me charlie cox and heath ledger were in a movie together

ok

I see how it is

CASANOVA (2005)

[weasleysprincess]

The dragon tattoo

a/n: something I came up with hoping it would get me in the mood to write. just a cute charlie imagine for ya’ll :) shouldn’t be any major warnings besides food mentioned twice, just talks about cooking it. sorry if i missed any

Summary: you start a job as a camp healer in Romania on recommendation letter from St. Mungo’s. A certain redhead tries to win your attention after years outside of school. 

The morning sun was shining through the English rainstorm, rain whipping on the windows.  Rolling over, sighing, it was time for me to finish packing for Romania.  The floor was cold as I stood on the wooden floor, pepper, my three month old kitten was already meowing at me.  “Okay, baby. I’ll feed you”, Pepper stomped her feet on the floor, before climbing up my thighs, “Yes, hi love. I’m getting it”, I winced as the ball of fluff left her nails in me.  Popping a couple pieces of toast in the toaster, grabbing my check list.  Pepper was happily meowing at her bowl, such a sweet girl. 

Everything was packed, pepper was in her carrier with a couple toys, the door was locked.  “Well, Pep it’s time. I promise the dizziness will stop soon enough, sweet baby”, sitting the portkey down.  “Ready?”, I asked. Finally landing in front of the office of the dragon camp, I landed on my feet with everything I packed.  “You must be the new doc? I’m Steve”, a tall blonde man stuck out his hand.  “That’s me, I’m Y/n”, I smiled, shaking his hand.  “I’d watch your kitten, if I was you”, Steve looked at Pepper in her carrier.  “She doesn't leave the house much”, I joked. The kitten was a homebody. “I’ll show you to your cabin”, Steve said, following him. You could hear dragons roaring and flying around as we walked further to the cabin.  A tall redhead held a tiny purple dragon, and looked like it was hurt or sick.  “You’re next to Charlie and Mike”, Steve unlocked the door.  Charlie? Why does that sound familiar?  Steve showed me the cabin and said dinner was in a couple hours.  “Whatdya think Pep? Can we make it home?”, I opened her door.  Pepper sniffed around, taking her toy with her.  Deciding on cleaning the cabin before I made it home.  

I was in the kitchen, when someone knocked on the door.  Opening the door, the same redhead stood with no dragon.  “Yeah?”, I asked.  Where have I seen him?  “Hi, I’m Charlie! Just wanted to say hello and see the face of the new healer”, Charlie smiled.  “Here I am”, I grinned.  Charlie was tall and well built, muscles threatening to pop out of his shirt, piercing blue eyes all complete with curly red hair.  Red hair, could it be him? “Can I ask you something?”, I bit my lip, Pepper meowing.  “Yeah uh?” “Y/n. This is gonna sound crazy, but did we go to school together?”, I asked.  Charlie grinned, “Hogwarts, was in Gryffindor. What about you?”  “Fellow Gryffindor as well”, I laughed.  “How? I never saw you in the common room or anywhere”, Charlie’s eyebrows furrowed.  “I didn’t talk much, had really bad social anxiety. Should have been in Hufflepuff, swear I think the hat made a mistake or was tired of sorting”, I looked down.  Charlie was quiet.  “Charlie?”, I looked up and saw Charlie holding his hand out for Pepper to sniff.  

“Hi there, I’m Charlie”, Charlie smiled as Pepper let him pet her head.  “Uh this is Pepper”, I choked out.  Charlie left as dinner was approaching pretty soon.  I skipped dinner, needing to finish the cleaning and get my bed made.  Getting out of the shower, I threw on a silk set of Pj’s as a knock entered the cabin.  I opened the door, Charlie stood with a couple plates, “Hi Charlie”  “Hi love, uh I brought you some dinner and dessert. Didn’t see you at dinner”, Charlie smiled.  “Thanks, new places and I’m nobody so yeah”, I felt a pang of anxiety as the redhead walked in.  “This okay?”, he asked, sitting the food at the table.  I nodded.  The next morning came quicker than expected.  Walking into the healer’s building, “Ah Y/n! Good morning, I’m Healer Reiter”, Healer Reiter smiled as I approached him.  “We mostly get burns and scratches here, but a broken bone will come occasionally”, Reiter said as he showed me around.  

“Y/L/N, room three.  Burns and a huge gash”, the blonde nurse said, handing me the chart.  “Okay. Alright, Mr. Weasley, I’m- oh hey”, I closed the door.  Charlie was shirtless and stretched out on the bed.  “Wanna tell me what happened?”, I asked looking at his shoulder.  “Give me some burn cream and do a healing spell, I really need to get back out there”, Charlie said.  I cocked an eyebrow at him, “I don’t come to you and tell you how to do your job, don’t do it to me. I ask you a question”, I crossed my arms over my chest.  Charlie sighed, “I’m sorry, just hurt is all. I pissed off the mum putting her baby back, she thought I hurt her baby” I winced, “Mothers tend to protect her kids.  Raise up for me, Charlie” Charlie sat up, I noticed the dragon tattoo and smiled, “Nice tattoo” Charlie chuckled, “Thanks, love. Did it get burnt?”  “No, didn’t leave your left shoulder blade”, I rubbed the cream on his shoulder, grinning at the freckles on his back.  Admiring his muscles and freckles, “Y/n, hey love. You okay back there?”, Charlie asked. “Huh oh yeah. Let me see your gash”, I snapped out of my trance.  Charlie was a beautiful man that made my job hard for twenty minutes.  

The weekend came and Reiter gave a couple days off, it was raining and the wind whipped around.  Pulling on legging and a green sweater, grabbing my boots.  Opening the door, I was met by Charlie’s fist. “Oh love, sorry about that”, Charlie put his hand down, smiling sheepish.  “It’s okay, Charlie. How’s the burn and gash?”, I asked, standing on the porch.  “Good, still sore, but nothing I can’t handle”, Charlie smiled.   I watched the rain fall, a comfortable silence happened.  Charlie cleared his throat, “Yeah?”, I turned to face him.  Charlie was biting his lip, “Do you wanna go to dinner with me sometime?” I took away, “Sure, how soon is sometime?” “Tonight okay with you? I can cook us something”, Charlie smiled. “That’s perfect, Charlie”, I grinned, brushing my hand next to his.  I walked to Charlie’s cabin, dressed in a yellow blouse and jeans. Not sure how casual this was, I hoped it was a date with Charlie. I knocked on the door, “Hi love, you look beautiful, yellow is a good color on you”  “Well hello to you too, you’re full of compliments”, I grinned.  I watched Charlie move around his small kitchen, finishing the food. His back muscles moving around through his shirt, arms bulging.  He bent over getting something out of the oven, Charlie was blessed everywhere, his jeans were tight around his thighs and ass.   I’m a healer, I've seen some nice bodies. And Charlie has a gorgeous body.  “Enjoying the view, doll?”, Charlie smirked.  “Maybe”, I looked him up and down.  Charlie shook his head.  

Dinner was amazing, we talked about family, hobbies outside of work, even Pepper.  “Care if I walk you home?, it’s late”, Charlie asked.  “Not at all, afraid a dragon may kidnap me, Charles?”, I smirked.  Charlie rolled his eyes, “My dragons won’t, but mother did raise a gentleman” Charlie pulled me to his sides.  “I’ll have to thank her one day”, I looked up at him.  Charlie and I stood outside my door.  “Y/n?”, Charlie asked.  “Yes Charlie?”, I turned around, looking up at the redhead. Charlie looked at my lips and up at me again, “Do you mind?” I shook my head as I gently brought him closer to me.  Charlie laid his hands on my waist, thumbs holding my hips in place. Tugging his curly red locks as I felt his tongue on my bottom lips.  “Charlie? There you are!”, a man stood at the railing of my porch.  “Oh sorry mate”  “What is it?”, Charlie turned around, still holding my hips.  “Hydra is worse and her mom won’t do anything”  Charlie sighed, “Go on, Charlie”, I said.  “I’m sorry about this”, Charlie looked down at me.  “It’s your job, now quit apologizing and go help that baby before I go myself”, I stared up at him.  “Aren’t you the new healer? This is a baby dragon, love”, the blond chuckled.  “I am, so what. I take care of sick and injured things”, I sassed.  “Frankie, go on”, Charlie rolled his eyes.  Charlie smiled, “See ya around, doll”, Charlie kissed my cheek.  I watched as the redhead ran to the sick baby.  “Think I’m gonna marry you, Weasley”, I smirked. 

[aclamclriver]

definitive ranking of who you’ll catch under the mistletoe:

kylo ren:  2/10     ( if you do it’ll be by accident.  he’s gonna be a real ass about it too.  do not try and do a meet cute because he  will  rip the mistletoe away and he  will  be rude about it.  however,  if you accidentally meet him under the mistletoe at the right time,  and you’re all alone,  get ready for that man to either  a)  kiss you so sweet and soft,  or  b)  pin you to a wall and kiss you speechless. )

clyde logan:  7/10   ( wants to catch you under the mistletoe,  but is also pretty shy about it.  will consent to cheek kisses if people are around.  blushes hard.  he’ll shake his head and smile at you if you connive to get him.  you won’t think he’d return the favour,  but maybe there’s a sprig where you don’t expect,  or a decided structure to clyde meeting you somewhere.  his full kiss will be soft,  and gentle,  and warm. )

flip zimmerman:  7/10   ( rolls his eyes at mistletoe shenanigans,  and pretends he’s above it all,  but if you’re under a sprig,  he’ll be on his feet fast as lightning.  lots of deep kisses.  if there’s a crowd,  he might dip you dramatically and kiss you stupid.  expect a smirk and a wink. )

father garupe:   1/10   ( he’ll lecture you about pagan traditions every time he sees mistletoe.  do not attempt.  he’ll think about kissing you,  though. )

philip altman:  10/10   ( can and will kiss you under every sprig of mistletoe.  very cocky about it.  doesn’t see it as a tradition so much as a chance to sweep you off your feet a bit.  puts on a show.  grabs your ass. )

paul sevier:  6/10   ( gets nervous about kissing you in public,  but he’ll lean over to kiss your cheek,  and the smile on his face is both warm,  and  very  inviting. )

ben solo:  6/10   ( listen,  he’s going thru some things.  dealing with some stuff.  daddy problems.  will not take the hint,  or will ignore the hint.  you gotta let him come to you,  and let him whisper in your ear everything he wants to do to you after he kisses you. )

paterson:  7/10   ( good natured about it.  will give you a peck or cheek kiss in public.  likes to kiss you at home and then slow dance with you in the light of the christmas tree.  loses points only because he thinks he doesn’t need an excuse to love you. )

adam sackler:  7/10   ( cannot make up his mind on it.  has insisted it’s a dumb weird tradition most of his life,  will also grind up against you while you kiss if you two are the ones under the mistletoe.  loses points because you can’t fuck in public adam. )

matt the radar technician:  5/10   ( can’t handle the pressure.  way too nervous,  overthinks it,  or yells at everyone watching.  better when you’re alone,  but he still kind of nervous babbles.  it’s okay baby take ur time. )

jude:  7/10   ( indulges you on it.  thinks it’s kind of a silly tradition,  but he goes with the flow. )

parnassus:  3/10   ( he will not stop at a kiss,  and by court order,  you aren’t allowed in the mall together anymore. )

pale:  8/10   ( that man will kiss you like you’re lovers being separated by time,  space,  and fate.  he’ll also ruin the moment with a quip.  sometimes you just wanna enjoy the moment. )

toby:  4/10   ( we’re gonna have to face facts here.  toby is a good kisser.  a  great  kisser.  toby knows how to get you around town and back.  toby is also a giant sleaze and you might be wiping grease off your lips.  worth it?  perhaps. )

charlie:  9/10   ( i hate the d*ddy kink so much but that man exudes Dad Energy,  and he’d kiss you like he wants another kid.  loses points because the divorce after doesn’t seem fun. )

daniel:  1000/10:   ( i don’t have logic for this.  the suit ruined me.  the suit and hair combo.  i need to lie down. )

[wormstacheangel]

What are the best episodes with Castiel to watch?

Hello! Sorry, this took me a while to answer but here you go! If I miss some it’s cause I don’t remember anything or I was just Bleh about it.

Castiel Epiosdes

4x01 ICONIC 

4x16 ICONIC

4x20 Jimmy is important to Cas and I love him. 

4x22 ICONIC Greenroom. Cas picks a side aka Dean.

5x03 Cas and Dean being friends! Gay panic is real my friends. 

5x04 THE END. “It's the end, baby. “

5x13 “Sam is my friend.” 

5x14 Cupid (He made a cameo video it was cute) and Cas eating raw meat off the floor.

5x16 “You son of a bitch! I believed in-” OWW

5x17 Drunk Cas.

5x18 At this point he’s just done with everything. So he just carves, YES CARVES, an angel banishing sigil into his own chest. He does not hesitate.

Season 6 is good for Cas because the whole time he’s apart of a civil war and is just a terrible liar.

6x06 I am trying not to make this list about Destiel but the scene where Cas pours Dean’s drink. 

6x10 Pizza Man.

6x19 Baby in a trenchcoat aka leader of the heaven rebellion but sure Dean. He’s just cute. 

6x20 ICONIC 

6x21& 22 Both show that Cas is slowly realizing that he is not in control. 

7x01 The whole episode is wild but Cas just going to heaven and saying I’m Daddy now really takes the cake. (not the actual words he used.)

7x02 Cas’s death #3?

7x17 MISHA -- OH um, I mean CAS to the rescue lol

7x21 His cute little laugh! Honey!Cas has my heart and soul. Bonus Destiel: “ When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!” RIP Hester Queen

7x23 “Cursed or not.” Also his little smile when he asks for the plan ahh!

aka all episodes in s7 with Cas in it is worth watching.

Okay, I’ll try to control myself now but watch all of s8 cause its beautiful.

8x02 We see Dean’s POV to the purgatory portal scene. Also, hear Cas’s reason for leaving Dean.

8x07 We see Cas’s POV of the purgatory pov scene. Also, learn how Cas escapes purgatory. 

8x08 “I’m gonna be a hunter.” He’s so CUTE!

8x10 Cas needs a hug. Please.

8x17 ICONIC. “what broke the connection?” AHH

8x21 Badass Castiel

8x22 & 23 Castiel wants to do good. He wants to help but he just puts his trust in the wrong people. It hurts me so much. Look he’s just a small child and he is dealing with a lot right now. 

Season 9 Cas looks good. Like fanservice time father of two!

9x01 First look at human Cas!

9x03 I can’t watch this ending again. It’ll make me spiral. But it’s a good human Cas and destiel episode. Also, fuck April. She gross. 

9x06 ICONIC BLESSED jilted lover. 

9x09 He looks good.

9x10 “I prefer the word trusting. Less dumb. Less ass.” They are both dumbasses.

9x11 Sam & Cas chaotic vibes

9x14 Cas storyline with the angels starts or at least makes it more clear idk

9x18 Gabriel! Also, “Damn it, Dean!” and Cas accepts his role as a leader. The angels are dumb. 

9x22 Sam & Cas dream team lol Also, Cas picks Dean over heaven again.

9x23  “--and for what again? Oh, that's right -- to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right? Well, guess what. He's dead, too.”

10x01 Cas draped across the bed like a victorian lady waiting for her husband to come back from the war

10x03 You know that scene where he’s lying on the floor bloody and dying and the Crowley saves him. And then Cas glows and heals with grace and he’s glaring up at Crowley? You know that scene. Yeah. Bonus: I’m gay and bloody Hannah is also hot. Small tip: Ignore the creepy/gross Hannah and Cas set up the writers are trying to do. They are siblings. 

10x09 Claire! That’s his daughter!

10x10 Claire and Cas make me cry.

10x14 Deleted scene of “Maybe he’s your boyfriend.” 

10x17 Sam & Cas! They are best friends, you guys!

10x18 Charlie and Cas meet! AND THEY ARE ALL HAPPY AND I CRY

10x20 Claire! Cas get’s her a birthday present, grumpy cat stuffy, and she keeps it! And I cry. And she saves him. And she cares about him. 

okay 10x21 cause of Charlie and Cas but also fuck this episode. Charlie deserved better. 

10x22 ICONIC gosh damn it. I-

10x23 Just for backstory for Cas in s11. Our poor boy can't catch a break. 

I worked on this for two hours now Nonny and I don’t even care. I miss Cas.

Season 11 hurts my damn soul because of Cas. I won’t include Casifer, though it was A LOT of fun to watch him.

11x01 “Dean, did it work?” I wanna hold this poor sad madly in love man. 

11x02 I can’t handle the torture. He looks so sad.

11x03 Bless you director, Jensen Ross Ackles.

11x04 Okay, not a lot of Cas but I love this episode. 

11x06 They don’t talk about his trauma but they show us a little when he tries to leave the bunker. And I cried. Once again. Let. Me. Hold. Him. 

11x10 Ambriel glad you are dead cause you were SO rude. Also, Amara girly, queen, I love you but apologize. Stop being mean to Castiel.

11x22 Cas get’s to talk and that’s nice

11x23 “I can go with you.” Sir, you just came back from being possessed by THEE satan and now you are ready to die by your future husband's side. You need therapy. 

Okay, I stopped watching live after season 11 because of the way they treated Cas so these next seasons I binged watched ( a couple of times) but wasn’t apart of the fandom so it feels like I didn’t fully grasp them. But here we go!

12x01 Cas meets his mother-in-law. Also the little, “Dean!” when he hugs him. 

12x02 Cas and Mick :)

12x03 Agent Beyonce and Zee lol Cas and Crowley and should have had a sitcom 

12x08 Cas gets a text (angel radio) that he’s gonna be a Dad and it looks like when Alice had a vision of the Volturi in Breaking Dawn Part 2 lol

12x09 Let me hug Cas! He’s sad over his family being gone. Also, Mary, I love you but I don’t forgive anybody for being mean to Cas. All the Winchesters are on thin fucking ice with me. 

12x10 ICONIC destiel. Cas in a female vessel. 

12x12 ICONIC “I love you. I love all of you.” 

12x19 Worried husband Dean. Excited soon-to-be father Cas.

12x23 Cas dies (again) from child birth.

Watch the first few episodes of season 13 for the famous widower arc cause wtf they gave us THAT. Also, I don’t care for the other world storyline so I pushed that out of my head. 

13x04 Cas annoying a cosmic entity. Fun fact! I dislike the trenchcoat cause it looked so stiff and the color was off idk didn’t look great but Cas looked beautiful when he looks up at the sun! Ah!

13x05 IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN

13x06 ICONIC BROKEBACKNATURAL Also, Jack and Cas meet and I cried damn it. “I missed you.” That’s his son!

13x07 Cas doesn’t put anybody or anything above his baby boy

13x12 Cas has the dumbest husband but at least Cas stabs lucifer. Bet Misha felt good

13x14 Badass Cas. He’s a top. lol 

13x16 ICONIC Cas looks...great. Like, watch it. I would do anything for cartoon!cas

13x19Just cause Cas faced someone who tortured him and it’s made to seem like he should get over it and it pisses me off. But Naomi is so cool so idk I like her but would fight her

13x22 Otherworld Cas is there and Cas just kills himself. He needs therapy. 

13x23 Cas’s face when Dean says yes. Also, family hunting trip yay

14x01 Dadstiel! Also, Cas looks good. 

14x03 Dadstiel.

14x07 Dadstiel. “Losing a son feels different.” And I cry. 

14x08 “because I love you Jack. And Sam and Dean--they love you.” THEY DO LOVE HIM AHHHH! Also, Empty deal is made as an excuse for the writers to do something with Cas later. 

I just realized season 14 is just Cas trying desperately to keep his family together. He’s trying to take care of them and he has the right words to say to everyone but not much happens besides him wanting to be a family man. 

14x14 gay on gay violence lol Also another family hunting trip! 

14x15 Fav episode! I just love Sam & Cas’s dumb chaotic energy in this ahaha! They are best friends damn it!

14x18 Cas is trying desperately to keep his family together and he feels responsible for Mary

14x19 Cas should have been allowed to kick Sam and Dean’s dumb flat asses for locking his baby boy in a box. 

14x20 AHHH

Divorce arc! All of s15 is great! Except you know...19&20 but we ignore that in this house. 

15x03 ICONIC but I will never watch it again

15x06 dude, they really be broken up. Cas kicks ass by himself and he’s fishing and he’s so cute. 

15x09 ICONIC Let him talk, Castiel!

15x11 Cas is THEE best Dad and let’s Jack eat hearts

15x13 Just for the family.

15x15 :(

15x17 Cas working to keep his baby boy

15x18 :( I mean at least he’s out but :(

Okay, this took me all day and I had fun! Nobody is gonna read it but who cares cause I just spent my day thinking of Cas when I had a pretty shit day so thanks, Nonnie! 

[xxtraord1nary]

POV

Fandom: Open Heart

Pairing: Tobias Carrick x f!mc (Charlotte West)

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: Constructive criticism is always welcome! No hate please and thank you for reading reblog and comment if you enjoyed.

Summary: A very naughty and heavily pregnant Charlotte much prefers her handsome lovers point of view.

Warnings: Strong Language, Fellatio, Sex, and a tad of dark humor. If that makes you uncomfortable please exit stage left because you’ve been warned. Overall vulgar.

Tag list: @katkart122 @missmiimiie @openheartfanfics

“Tobias, I am not playing with you get that damn camera out of my face! It's way too early for your shit.” Charlotte snapped whilst swatting at the pest she called a husband as he continued to record his very moody wife with his old camera he found a couple a months ago when Char ordered him with a broom in hand to go “clean that damn garage” or he could sleep on the couch for a month, so that being all the motivation he needed Tobias got to it with vigor.

“You're really good at this whole black mama thing Charlie.” he teases with a shit eating grin plastered on his stupidly perfect face. “Keep it up and I’ll be a single black mama if you don’t quit.” she grunted while taking down her plaited kinky tendrils that in the morning tended to have a mind of their own.

“Now why would you say that?”

“Because I’m going to kill you” she said whilst continuing to grumpily apply toothpaste to her electric toothbrush.

“Really talking like that when I’m recording, then the police will immediately know who to be held responsible in the case of my untimely demise, Charlie.” he further ribbed while shaking his head playfully behind the lens.

“Screw you and the police Carrick.” she spat.

“Babe, you know all you have to do is corporate and let me get my daily picture of you and our little Tiny Tia. So get with the program.” he chided with a small but genuine smile as he further gazed at the love of his life and their little one growing inside her very pregnant belly.

“Alright two things: that name is super cute and I’m surprised you came up with that yourself.”

“I’m good for something, see?” to which she answered with a ‘meh’ and shrug of her shoulders.

“I’m offended.” and again another answer in the form of shrugged shoulders and a hard roll of the eyes.

“Now for two, why on earth do you need a picture every day?” she whined with tired eyes.

“This is our first child out of many, I need to capture every moment. Now lift up your shirt!” he confidently proclaimed.

She didn’t want to burst his little bubble but if he thought for a second she was pushing another of his big headed babies out of her lady parts he was sorely mistaken. ‘What the hell is “out of many” anyways?’ she pondered with a perplexed expression. “Absolutely not, I look like a gross ragamuffin.”

He sighed, “Charlie lift up your shirt or I’m gonna hold out.” he asservated pleased with her shocked expression. “Oh yeah, hold out what exactly?” she challenged with raised eyebrows. He knew the denial of sex would be the thing to do it for her. Already she had an insatiable sexual appetite hence here they were here six months pregnant, but pregnancy hormones only amplified that. “You really don’t wanna play those games with me Tobias, or you’ll find yourself handcuffed to bed and taken by force.” she lightheartedly fired back. “I’m quite intrigued as long as I can return the favor.” he huskily dropped an octave and whispered to her. She shivered and scoffed “You a silly little freak.” with a laugh.

“Honestly Charlie, all this is unnecessary as all I wanted was my pictures and could have been going about my business by now but someone refused to get along with the picture. Pun heavily intended.” he sighed.

“Okay I’ll bite, but what are you even doing with these pictures?”

“Well, if you must know. I take your picture or video then I pleasure myself.” he sexily drawled “then upload it online to make a virtual scrapbook.” he happily finished. “Why am I not surprised?” she chuckled as she shoved his laughing form. “Wait, you still masturabte?” she inquisitively questioned.

“Well, yeah sometimes you're in a horrifying mood and I’d rather work with what I’ve got than you ripping my head off, do you?”

“Actually no, not since I met you at least.” she truthfully noted, as her hands just didn’t do the job since Dr. Tobias Carrick waltzed into her life with his devilishly handsome face and rocked her world.

“I’m doing my job right then.” he pressed with a smirk. “Mhm, too right if you ask me.” she quipped pointing to her very round and beautiful stomach adorned with barely visible glittery stretch marks that only magnified her beauty and strength. “What’s on your mind now?” he pried while she poked at her bump in the mirror. “Me and Sienna, Aurora, and Jackie are going out to Carson Beach and I can’t decide whether to wear a two or one piece.”

“Two pieces of course so I can enjoy the fruits of my labor.” he smiled proudly.

“Four minutes hardly constitutes at “labor” she mocked with air quotes. He smacked his teeth in annoyance, “If you loved me you’d do this for me.” he pleaded. And now it was her turn to kiss her teeth, “Fine!” she huffed. “But leave my face out of it, I look icky in the mornings.” to which he eagerly disagreed and pecked her lips but not before muttering something along the lines of “stunning”.

“Alright, I’ll give you your little video but you have to do something for me.” she suggestively proposed. To which he readily agreed as he loved her ‘just been fucked’ afterglow. He then turned off the old camcorder and attempted to put it away but she fingered the loops of his jeans “Uh uh turn it back on.”

He was sure his eyes were completely bulging out of his skull and managed to mutter a “Charlie a-are you serious?” in his daze. She nodded and sunk down to her knees as she slowly tugged down his boxers and elicited a low groan from him.

In the lens of the camera she expertly handled his member with care and tenderly began to stroke him giggling at his floored expression. “You ready for me, Tobias?” she tantalizingly asked not ceasing her stroking. Receiving an eager nod and thumbs up from the camera she smirked at her success in making the talkative bastard speechless. Expertly she teased his large in girth and lengthy member with the tip of her tongue before guiding him into her mouth as she had done tons of times before sucking her mans dick like a woman starved.

“Oh god, slow down baby.” Tobias pitifully groaned while screwing his mind down as the love of his life expertly worked him. “You wanna be inside me, baby?” she whispered in a sultry tone against the head of his member cursing a pleasant shiver to rack his body. He didn’t answer but instead made a gesture behind the camera for me to turn around. He thanked the heavens above for the easy access and the fact that she was wearing one of his shirts and abandoned underwear long ago. She hissed as his large strong hand cam crashing down on her bare ass, and soothed the pleasant sting with a soft rub. “Perfect.” he murmured as he continued his caressing of her more than generous backside. “How’s the view?” she asked with a wink through the mirror.

And with a quick and brutal thrust he was inside leaving her panting mess on the cold surface of the bathroom countertop as she moaned slowly.

“Amazing.” he quickly answered before he began his unrelenting deep thrust. “Deeper” she moaned out in the air. Resting on her palms and easing away from the countertop she made eye contact with a chipper Tobias as he violently thrust into her and she had to brace herself. “Where are you going Char?” Tobias teased as she stood on her tiptoes desperately in an unsuccessful attempt of creating space between them.

“Damn I know I told him deeper, but now he's just showing out for the camera.” she thought while groaning as he hit a spot inside her making let out a loud guttural moan. He made the most out of his opportunity reaching to rub her clit. Moaning even louder he soon used one hand to grip her shoulder as he angled the camcorder downwards to catch sight of his pelvis meeting her dripping cunt. Closing her eyes for some reprieve she opened them to meet Tobias’s eyes in the mirror to find him damn near gnawing through his lip to hold back his loud groans.

Her release soon crep up on her and she moaned loudly, “Baby, I-” to which he cut her off as he sped up his tireless thrust, “Me too. Don’t wait for me.” and with that she came harder than ever and fell back on the counter, a panting mess and sweating bullets and winced as he pulled out of her. She mistakenly thought he was going to clean her only for him to zoom in the camera to get a close up of her used pussy with his milky cum dripping out of her.

Once he caught his breath he chuckled “That was amazing and it wasn’t even my birthday.” to which she rolled her eyes with a dazed expression and a small smile on her face since enjoying the after effects of their morning activities.

“Yeah yeah you better delete that.” she warned turning on the shower.

“Uh-Uh Charlie we just made a porno, I’m downloading this to my USB and keeping it in my safe.” he remarked while being transfixed at the camcorder in his hands causing her to snort with laughter.

“Whatever, if it gets leaked I better get paid for it.” she declared while leaving to her shower leaving Tobias in a cheerful fit of post orgasmic laughter.

Fin.

A/N: That was nasty and you read it so you’re nasty too.

[dontshootmespence]

Through It All

Part 19

Summary: Now married, Spencer & Y/N navigate the D/s lifestyle. How will their relationship change?

Words: 1,003

Warnings: Special visitors!

A/N: FLOOF.

Spencer turns over and wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his back as sleep begs for you to return for just a little longer. “Don’t forget, Derek and Savannah are coming to visit today,” Spencer mumbles.

“I know,” you reply. As much as you want to go back to sleep, you’re looking forward to seeing them. The last time you saw them was just before Charlotte was born, and between babies and distance the phone was all you had to stay in touch. Spencer’s been looking forward to this for ages. “Wanna go tackle diaper and clothing changes together?”

Like zombies, you both rise from the bed and stumble into Charlotte’s nursery, but the moment you see her sitting up in her crib with an enormous smile on her face, you can’t help but wake up a little bit more. “Hello, my little flower,” Spencer says softly, picking her up and placing her on the changing table. “You sleep okay?”

Neither of you woke up during the night, so the answer must’ve been yes.

While Spencer takes care of her diaper change, you search through her mountain of clothing (She has more than you. How is this possible?) and finally find what you’re looking for - a little mint green sweatsuit with Minnie Mouse on it and Minnie ears on the hoodie. Getting her changed is actually more difficult than when she was a newborn because she has control of her limbs and basically wants them in any other area than where they need to be.

Feeding is fun though. She makes the funniest faces when she hates something and when she loves something, her eyes go wide with awe, like it’s the best thing she’s ever tasted, which is hysterical. While Spencer handles feeding, you make breakfast for you both, eating semi-leisurely before you have to handle the morning chores and get ready before Derek and Savannah arrive. Parent life means you have no idea where the hours go. Before you know it, there’s a knock at the door.

Setting Charlotte in front of a mountain of toys, you both go to greet your guests. With a baby, you cling to adult interactions like a magnet on a refrigerator.  

“Pretty boy!” Derek exclaims. “How ya doing?”

“Tired,” Spencer laughs softly. “But alive. You?”

Savannah walks in with Hank on her hip. “About the same. Expect being tired for the next, oh, 18 years at least. Right, Derek? How are you guys doing?” She asks, giving both of you a hug and kiss hello.

Conversation is easy, flowing as Hank and Charlotte play with each other in the living room. While they occupy each other, the four of you talk about work, and eventually Savannah and yourself stand against the refrigerator watching your boys reminisce about their days at the BAU. “Do you miss it?” Derek asks, peeking over the counter to make sure his little man is behaving himself.

Shaking his head, Spencer tips his second mug of coffee into his mouth. He still hasn’t woken up yet even though you’ve both been awake for hours. “I miss the team and seeing everyone every day, but I’m so glad I’ve made a different life for myself. I still teach and I consult every so often, so I get just enough while still being able to be at home.”

“Me too, man. At first I thought it was gonna drive me crazy, but now Savannah and the little man kick my ass enough.”

“You know it,” Savannah replies, slapping her husband on the shoulder as she throws her head back in laughter. “Plus, it’s just nice to have you home.”

Slipping into Spencer’s lap, you curl against him, all pretenses out the window as you lazily lounge there sans makeup and in the rattiest clothes imaginable. Silence falls when Hank starts talking to Charlotte and she starts babbling back. All four of you get wrapped up in how cute they are. “It’s nice to finally see you happy, kid.” Derek claps Spencer on the back. “You deserve it.”

“Cheers with coffee mugs?”

In unison, your mugs clink together and drink in celebration of your new lives. “Here’s to our families,” Spencer says.

--

After the four of you play with the babies for a while, with Spencer and Derek getting a little more into racing cars than Charlotte and Hank, you decide to chance going to a restaurant with a toddler and a 9.5 month old. You’re all craving Mexican and there’s a great place down the street that opened after Derek moved back to Chicago, so you decide to take them there. Just as you and Spencer and grabbing jackets out of the closet, Savannah screams out from the kitchen. “Umm, guys? Has Charlotte stood before?”

Like a cartoon, you do a double take at Spencer before the two of you rush out into the living room with your limbs hanging both in and out of your jackets. There’s Charlie, in the kitchen, right next to Savannah, standing next to a chair. “She’s standing!” Spencer smacks his hands to his head, practically ripping his hair out in excitement. Charlotte stares up and smiles. “Holy crap, you’re standing, Charlie!”

With tears in your eyes, you quickly slip your phone out of your pocket and press record, watching as Savannah takes hold of her tiny little hands and walks her toward Spencer, who’s crouching down at her level, bouncing on his heels in excitement.

“How is she so big already?” You ask, turning to Derek, who also has his phone out. “Does it just fly by like this?”

Glancing down to where Hank is still occupied with some matchbox cars, he replies fondly. “It really does. Feels like he started walking yesterday. Right?”

Savannah is too entranced with helping Charlotte over to Spencer to respond.

Derek slips on his coat and walks behind Spencer, clapping both of you on the shoulders. “She’s about to get into everything,” he chuckles. “Get ready.”

@heycasbutt @ultrarebelheart @katherineisagubler @proud-slytherin-ghost @randomwriter23 @fandom-queen67 @sixx-sic-sixx @xqueenofthecraziesx @aofay02 @groovyreid @criesinreid @jdougl-love @xreider @cringeemospntrashassbutt @prettyboyeffect @prettyboyreid @themanip @spencerreidsthings @augustgraceful @whollytaciturn @prisonreid @factualfic @jasmine-negron @snitchthewitch @ellabobella051419 @crazyforsstuff @kaatelyyynn​ @jane-dough @dreatine @bitter-post-millennial @adlerorzel-blog @hallieedrew @psychedelephantt @krisymccall996 @4ueijos @mclaujac @ray-likes-starwars @nurseemilyblog @slightlyvicked @she4567 @guesswhosback129 @princessdolan @happycreatorfangirl @fallwhisper @nyemadowell @sammy-jo1977 @sin-bin-and-tragedies @imsuperawkward @ahhahahaheehee @crispygiantsaladgarden @reputay-swift @pizzarollsfordayz @andiebeaword @timey-wimey-lovi @garbagecanfics @friedparadisetale @dereksbetaa @idontevenknow2 @holyfishloverfarm @nohemi2500 @typeshitbih @sadgirlhan @kmc217 @bigbuttsowhatuniverse @charmedfandomgal @im--blushing @dangerouspersonllamabagel @fichoe21 @yes-sir-hotchner @thefandomallrounder @mrsenos08 @walkerchick007 @letsdisneythings @winchesterqueenie @specialagentleigh @spn-wheresthepie @haileymew @bitchyoulied @geniusgub @urdicksmol @6lack6erry @slutlanna976 @downondilaudid​ @baileysb1tch @la-vie-en-amour1​ @letsdoit-tomorrow @eideticprettyboydrreid​ @lazynoodledragon​ @shybaby231 @aimzonicles97​ @grace-superpowers​ @softestlavender​ @ssa-dr-ladylock​ @drprettyboy​ @patricks-fabulous-face​ @tearosaria​ @shxdowofdarkness​ @marvels-gurl​ 

[okk--maaan]

Hello :) it's the anon who requested the headcanons on how Charlie would take care of a partner who had experience with bad relationships. I absolutely LOVED how you wrote that/handled that and I was wondering if you could tell me how Charlie would be with a lover who is curvy and a bit insecure about that? -🦕

Hello my dear!! Oohh! If you’re gonna use the dino emoji can I call you Lil Foot (I can’t think of any other cute/clever nicknames lol)? I’m SO glad you liked the last thing I wrote for you - I was a lil worried about it for a minute!

Instead of HCs, I wrote you a whole lil (wow I say lil a lot) ficlet this time!  It definitely turned into smut - WHOOPS! When I started outlining it I literally wrote -- in my notebook with a pen -- ‘ok this gone get real nasty’. I hope that’s ok and I hope it gives what you were looking for! And let me say that I and any of the boys I will ever write for LOVE AND APPRECIATE AND ACCEPT ALL BODY TYPES!!! Thicc Thighs Save Lives is a longstanding motto here!!

Also I’m a bad writer so it takes me forever to write anything (and my ADHD and anxiety be like nah fam) and I did very little editing to this so sorry for all of those things.

Word Count: ~2k

CW: curvy/plus size RC, body insecurity, smuuttt, like one mention of spanking, slightly Dom!Charlie (?), alcohol consumption, fluffiness (’cause ‘course), lots of build up (what can I say? I like foreplay), bad grammar

“Charlie,” you whine standing in front of your open closet, still in your robe. You couldn’t believe what you were looking at. He really wanted you to wear this tonight? And he really wanted you to wear that underneath?

Hanging neatly on the inside of the closet door was a slinky red dress -- that you knew was going to be way too tight -- and a meticulously matched set of lacey lingerie. Silently judging you. ‘Nope’ you thought to yourself, ‘Not happening’.

Just as you start rummaging through your wardrobe for one of your other perfectly fine, perfectly comfortable dresses, Charlie steps into the bedroom. Sensing his presence, you turn to find him already fully dressed. He’s wearing a charcoal gray suit, tapered and tailored precisely to his body, and a slim navy blue tie. His black oxfords look freshly polished and his neatly parted hair is almost as shiny.

“Wow. You look nice,” you say with a bit of a bite as you pivot back to the task at hand. It wasn’t fair that he was able to look that sophisticated and handsome with such little effort.

Hearing your bitterness, he cautiously moves in closer, rests a large hand on your back. “What’s wrong honey? You don’t like what I picked out for you?” He nods his head towards the offending articles of fabric.

Without losing any heat in your voice, you shoot back, “Well Mr. Barber. I don’t think your lovely gifts here are going to exactly accentuate my figure!” Oohh maybe that was a little harsh. But Charlie never falters, takes you in stride, like he always does.

“Baby,” he says in that way that just makes your heart -- and every other part of your body -- melt. “I wouldn’t have picked these things for you if I didn’t think you were going to look absolutely stunning in them.” With that, he places a loving peck to your forehead and steps back to sit on the bed. “Please, honey, put them on. For me.”

And only because you have such a weakness for when he talks to you like that, do you undo the tie on your robe, place it in the closet, and begin timidly dressing yourself in his gifts.

Even with your back to him, you can feel Charlie’s gaze boring into. Studying. Studying the way your hips and thighs round out as you stand naked in front of him. The way your backside swells as you bend down to step into your panties. The way the soft curve of your breasts peeks out as you reach up to loop your arms through your bra.

Charlie can already feel himself stirring under his suit pants.

As soon as you pull the dress straps over your shoulders, he’s back to standing behind you, hand on your zipper. “Let me, sweet thing,” he whispers into your skin, right against that tender spot between your neck and shoulder. His lips never leave you as he closes you up. Once the zipper reaches the top, he shifts back to observe you fully. Admire.

Even technically fully clothed, you can’t help but feel self-conscious exposed with the way the fabric hugs your body. Instinctually, you go to wrap your arms around your middle, to try to hide. But apparently Charlie can read minds and he’ll have none of that. His long fingers wrap gently, knowingly around each of your wrists. He places another kiss to that spot on your neck and whispers, “beautiful.”

-----------------------------

The theater is dark, aside from the few soft spotlights that glow over the actors on stage. It’s quiet enough that you can hear Charlie beside you, scribbling in his notebook.

But he’s not focusing on what he’s writing nearly as much as he should be. Instead of the words on the page, all he can see are images of you pulling on that dress. All he can think about is that memory of your supple skin, wanting to map out every inch. If he wasn’t trying so hard to get these damned notes down, his hands would be all over you.

Those thoughts alone are enough to get him growing in his pants again. 

-----------------------------

With your second glass of wine in your hand, you are finally starting to relax a little. You lost Charlie to the hustle and bustle of the after party some time ago. But that’s ok. You understand there are certain duties he must fulfill as the director on opening night. When you find each other again, you can tell he’s already had several scotches by the flush in his cheeks and slight sheen of sweat on his forehead. And that’s also ok. He deserves to celebrate tonight after all those months of hard work.

When his eyes lock with yours, his pupils are blown black and wide and there’s something behind them other than just a few drinks. He doesn’t interrupt the conversation you’re having, just places a hot hand on your ass. And squeezes. It takes everything in you not to squeal outright in front of your friends and Charlie’s cast. He leans down to murmur into your ear, “let’s go home now.” His words are slurred just slightly but their meaning rings through you crystal clear. He composes himself enough to turn to the small crowd that’s gathered and excuse the two off you. And before you have a chance to say the rest of your goodbyes, he’s whisking you out the door.

-----------------------------

The second the doorknob to Charlie’s apartment latches closed, his hands lips tongue are all over you. You have little time to catch your breath before his hot hot mouth is on yours, prying you open. You can taste the remnants of alcohol on his breath. With his hands on your waist he’s pulling pulling pulling you further through the foyer and into the living room. As you stumble around corners and furniture, he mumbles against you, “You looked so good tonight baby. So fucking sexy. Mmnhh I love you in this dress. I was getting so hard just looking at you.”

“Charlie,” you gasp as he suddenly breaks all contact, leaving you disoriented, and plops down on the couch. His legs are spread wide and his chest is heaving.

“Take this off baby,” he leans forward to pinch at your thigh, just above the hem of your dress.

“Uh-huh,” you bob your head up and down until it tips back and your eyes close and your hands reach behind you for your zipper. You tilt your chin down and open your eyes to him when the zipper reaches the bottom. Your arms fall to your sides knowing he’s in charge right now. He’ll tell you how he wants you next.

“Turn around sweet thing,” he instructs, more breath than words.

Somehow more heat rushes through your body, through your face, neck, fingers, thighs, toes. You’re already so hot too hot. You cross one heeled foot in front of the other and spin to face away from him. Behind you, you hear the clink clink of Charlie’s belt buckle followed by his own zipper sliding down. Then the sound of fabric rustling, bunching up. You know he’s stroking himself now. Watching you.

“Pull it down. Slowly.”

You do as you're told. Of course you do. You want this just as badly as he does. You push the straps down your arms and over your plump chest, breath ragged. You let the dress pool atop your full hips and wait for further direction.

Charlie huffs out a light life, reveling in how good you’re being for him. “Keep going baby.”

With one final shove, the crimson cloth slides down your thick thighs before falling around your ankles. Charlie groans, deep and guttural. Goosebumps spring up over your newly exposed flesh, assaulted by the cool air and Charlie’s sounds.

“Take your bra off.”

That one was easy. You unhook the clasp and let it hit the floor with your dress.

And you wait again. Wait. Wait. You listen to Charlie’s deep breathing and picture him slowly pulling up down up down on his length. Your pussy drips then clenches at the thought. You’re not sure how much longer you’ll be able to stand.

“Bend over baby.”

Ever so slowly, you lower your torso, brace yourself on your shins.

You hear movement behind you again. Charlie moves off the couch to rest on his knees. Eye level with your ass. You feel his fingertips trace lightly up your thighs, exploring. More goosebumps. A moan escapes your throat. “Nnnnhh yes sweet thing,” he says. Then another squeeze. “Mmm so soft.” He relishes in the way your flesh gives for his fingers. Mesmerized by the way he can leave little dimples where he presses. He inches closer to graze his lips across each leg. “I love you so much baby. I love your body. You’re so perfect.” His words send a shock from the crown of your head to your needy core. You need him.

“Charlie please. Give me something. Anything,” why was he teasing you like this? You know you hadn’t drank nearly as much as him, but now it felt like you did.

Mischievously he responds, “Oh I’ll give you something.” With one swift movement, he rips down your panties -- probably ruining them -- and buries his face in your pussy. “Ahhh!” is the only answer you have. He lavishes scorching open mouth kisses over your slick lips, occasionally brushing your stiff clit with his tongue. “Mmmm you really are so sweet baby,” he groans against you. Losing yourself, all you can do is chant, “Yes yes yes.” With one final suck, he pulls off. He sticks two of his fingers in his mouth, getting them nice and wet and warm for you, then shoves them into you. While he pumps in and out of you, he kisses your thighs, nips at your ass and asks, “Are you ready for my cock sweet thing?” His hands fill you to the brim, but they’re never enough, never compare to his cock. “Yes Charlie ! Yes! Please!” After a few more thrust, he withdraws his digits, smacks one of your bare cheeks loving the way it shakes, and returns to the couch.

“Come here my beautiful flower,” he holds his full proud dick up for you. You more than happily lower yourself over him, hands on his knees, just enough for him to drag his swollen head through your folds. When he feels he’s slicked up enough, he grips your waist and pulls you all the way down. His big cock knocks the wind out of you. Always does. And your body is already so exhausted from the build up, you can’t help but slump against him, heavy head leaning on his broad shoulder. Your back sticks to his chest.

You roll your head so your tingling lips can find his neck. There you moan and whisper sweet nothings between kisses. One of your sweaty hands reaches up to tug at his ear and fist in his hair. You roll your hips on him one...two...three...four.

Charlie can’t take it anymore. “Fuck,” he grunts as he lifts you to give him space to really pound into you. And oh he does. Digging into your fleshy hips, he fucks hard into you, asks, “You like that sweet thing? Does that feel good?” “Aaarghh! Yes baby! Unngghhh! Please. Don’t. Stop!” You were already so close. And so was he.

Reading your thoughts again, he drops one hand to rub at your wanting clit. And you see stars. Moans, grunts, screams rip your throat raw. The hand still on your hip smooths its way up your soft belly and gropes at your tit, your stiff nipple. “Char-uh-lie! I’m gonna- I’m gonna-” He picks up the pace and pressure of the circles he’s drawing into your clit. And you tumble. Down down down a hole of pure pleasure. “Fuucckk!!” you shout as the tidal waves of your orgasm come crashing down on you. You can barely hear Charlie’s stangled words, “Yes yes sweet thing cum for me. Shit!” With the sensation of you squeezing clenching fluttering around him, he’s cumming. Cumming so deep inside you. Hot thick ropes.

“Hhhnngg,” his final moan rumbles through your bones as his hips stutter, slow, and eventually stop. Your bodies feel like jelly and mold into one another as you come down, trying to steady your breath.

Finally able to speak, Charlie nuzzles his nose behind your ear and places a tender kiss there. “I love you flower. And that dress fit you perfectly.”

[mrvdocks]

Just Ask

You know the feeling when you thought everything was going great and then suddenly your heart drops to your ass and you want the world to swallow you whole?

That’s exactly how he felt right now. Maybe he had sent RUN at the wrong time. Maybe she wanted to see what he’d made of himself and was disappointed and thought about making a break for it. Seeing her walk off made his heart ache. Every possible scenario ran through his head and his heart raced faster with each passing second. As he struggled against the handle to the bathroom, his excessive force took the brunt and broke it off. Fuck.

His breathing becoming heavier, he moved in between cars, trying to breath at a calm pace. The world was spinning and the feeling of desperation came back. He found he only relaxed a bit when he saw you again, out of breath but there. He missed you, even if for a second.

-

Your stupid phone wasn’t working. Perfect. You wondered if Billy was serious about him thinking of you causing this whole ordeal. Not that you didn’t want to come or anything but, it had been some time since you two saw each other and the break up had left you so brokenhearted. Moving on was tough, but you tried to. And well, you didn’t think of anything until the damn text took you by surprise in the middle of the night. You booked the next flight out of state and silently cursed at yourself for not thinking of preparations or proper goodbyes. These could be forgiven.

As if by some miracle, two bars outside of the station allowed you to call your mother.

“Hello?” She didn’t sound too alarmed, yet.

“Mom! Hey -”

“Where the hell are you? I’ve been worried sick! You just up and leave out of nowhere and leave Charlie with me without so much as a word about what you’re doing!”

You grimaced. “Yes, yeah, I’m sorry. I know I promised to call when I landed but I just got so sidetracked I wasn’t sure where I’d get reception.”

“Where are you?” She inquired again.

“I’m in...” you rubbed at your temple as you tried to remember what stop the operator had said before. “Chicago.”

“Chicago?? What the hell are you doing in Chicago? Who are you with?”

You were quick to think on your feet this time. “I’m helping uh - a friend, um, with some things. Personal things.”

“I don’t like this. You need to come home now.”

As your mother ranted about responsibilities and disowning you for other reasons, your eyes darted to the clock above the ticket counter. In big red lights, 11:20. Shit.

“Yeah, uh-huh, so sorry Mom. Listen, I love you, and kiss Charlie good night for me, his food is in the pantry if he gets hungry. I gotta go, I promise I’ll call you soon thank you so much!”

Before she could get another word out, you hung up and sprinted back to the train. You made the mental note of going back to the gym after this was over, or at least some kind of massage therapist or something.

You caught the train just as the door was closing and nearly collapsed on the floor as you tried to regain your breath. You raised your head to meet Billy’s red eyes. He’d been crying. Your eyes immediately went from his distraught face to the broken handle in his hand.

“Did you - break the handle because you thought I wasn’t coming back?” You frowned.

“No.” He dismissed. “I just figured, they’re all so full of germs it’s better to bring your own.”

The corner of your lips picked up in a half smile. You shook your head, chuckling. “I see your sense of humor hasn’t changed.”

He gave an annoyed smile back, but deep down he was thankful. Thankful that at least for now you were back for whoever knew how long.

“I’m kinda tired from all the running so if you don’t mind I think I’ll go to my - our room.” You corrected. You made a move to pass him but your shaky legs gave and you fell onto his lower half, grasping the edges of his hoodie.

He caught you halfway, your phone falling along with your bag.

“Sorry.” You muffled out.

“Fuck’s sake. If you wanted to blow me you could’ve just asked. I wouldn’t have said no.”

“Fuck off.” You retorted. Not a bad idea but terrible setting in public.

He bent down to help you gather your things, shaking his head but still laughing to himself

“Shit, I can’t find my phone.” You ducked, checking under the seat behind and beside you.

“I got it.”

He noticed it fall beside him and went to reach for it, being met immediately with a photo of you on the lock screen. He would’ve smiled if it was just you but there was someone else; a child. Couldn’t have been more than a year old, chubby cheeks like yours and a gummy smile so big it showed off some teeth coming in. There was that feeling again. The reality hit him, you belonged to someone else. And you had a family with them.

With shaky hands, he mustered up the courage to speak. “Found it.”

You breathed a sigh of relief and reached for it, accidentally brushing your hand against his. The act resulting in a tiny spark between the two of you and causing you to recoil in surprise. You hadn’t noticed what he discovered.

Instead an awkward pause passed before it was broken by the speaker above calling for you and your guest to head to your roomette.

You smiled innocently at him, “Well come on, I won’t bite. Unless you want me to.”

As you walked past him, the sinking feeling only grew deeper and he rattled his head on whether or not to ask questions.

-

Walking in and seeing the cute quaint room turned down you chuckled and made a joke about your old college dorm and the excellent service done to the roomette, but it was all drowned out by him. Closing the door shut and leaning against it, he could only brood.

It only took you a minute to realize his demeanor. “What?”

Shit. Had he changed his mind? Was he backing out?

His eyes watched you wistfully, your happy face turning into one of concern. “Can we talk?” He asked, not looking at you. Eyes narrowed onto the floor.

“Doesn’t that go against the rules?”

When he gave no answer you tried again. “What’s on your mind?”

“Uhh....” he trailed off.

“Are you backing out?”

Instantly his head came up, “No! No. I just - things really have changed.”

“Yeah,” you chuckled. “Yeah I don’t really, uh, do these kinds of things.”

“I’m sure you don’t.”

You eyed him. “Okay. Does it....bother you?”

He nodded sadly.

You nodded back and sighed, suddenly more self conscious about yourself. You knew you looked the same sans baby weight but you didn’t think it was that bad. At least it gave you some boobs.

Clearing your throat you made an attempt to explain, “I’ve been exercising a lot, and I’m trying to eat a bit better. I do cheat a little I’m not gonna lie but it’s just really hard.”

“Oh no!” He suddenly realized what you thought he targeted. “No I didn’t mean that at all. You’re lovely! You’re very very beautiful.”

You blushed at his error and waved your hands so as to signal it was alright.

“It’s okay it’s okay.” You laughed. “If I was spending the night with someone I think I’d also be a little self conscious about something too.”

Billy moved towards you, essentially trapping you between him and the small corner of the roomette. You were at the mercy of this tall, awkward man you still had some feelings for.

“You have a very nice body, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it.” His tone was warm and inviting and turned your legs into jelly immediately.

You could only look up at him, his eyes filled with something you’d only seen in movies. It was now or never. You leaned up, capturing his lips with yours painfully slow. Everything in you was screaming. A touch from him would’ve been enough to undo you.

One arm was above you, resting on the wall and keeping you pinned against the window, the other circles rubbed against your hips.

Your hands came up to grip his hoodie, pulling him closer and allowing you to kiss him deeper. His lips were soft and only came up for breath when you began to kiss down from his jaw to his neck.

You kicked off your shoes, letting him do the same. Moving towards the small bed without letting go of his hoodie, you let him set you down slowly as he worked on the button of his jeans. You rapidly made work of yours, kicking it away. Climbing back up to you, his hands were quick on your blouse and discarded it behind him. You let him come in between your legs, feeling the heat only increase as you felt him against your thigh. You were eager and tried to remove his briefs, wanting that skin on skin contact more each second. He stopped you, planting wet kisses from your jaw down to your stomach. It was a sensitive part of you, and he noticed. The scar from what almost definitely was a c - section lingered. He paused for a moment, the thought coming back to resurface at the worst time possible.

You noticed his hesitation and sat up on your elbows. “What’s wrong?”

“Is there something you want to say to me?”

“Is there.....” you repeated the question, trying to understand what he meant. It dawned on you what he’d seen. “I didn’t want to tell you.”

You laid back down, blankly staring at the ceiling of the train. You could tell he was looking at you from the corner of your eye but you didn’t want to face him. Didn’t want to admit you moved on and done something with your life other than wait.

He sat folded, still facing you but very much not speaking.

“I didn’t - I didn’t think you’d care.”

“I wouldn’t care? You never told me.”

“I don’t get why you’re so worked up about it! I’m not even with.....his dad walked out on us before he was even born.” Your eyes came to cover your face. “God I’m so pathetic. You must think I’m so pathetic.”

“No,” he sighed. “I don’t.”

“Look at me. I mean what the hell am I doing? I fucked up.” You lifted yourself again, moving your legs away from him and bringing them round to the edge of the bed.

“I just left him! And now I’m here explaining myself to you, half naked, on a train to who knows where, Jesus Christ!” You cried out. You reached for your things in the pool of clothes and started dressing yourself.

He called your name and you stopped. “Are you happy? Is that what you wanted to hear?” You said, the words spewing like venom but you didn’t mean for them to sound the way they did.

“Are you happy?” He retorted. In his head the blaring alarms told him to shut up, to not say anything else, lest he guaranteed a slap to the face.

“Real fucking classy, Billy.” You were angry now.

“Yeah, you’d know right?”

You stared at him mouth agape, slowly trying to process what just happened.

He backtracked quickly, remorseful he even brought it up. “I’m sorry. Maybe we just need some rest and we can just forget this ever happened in the morning.”

You laughed bitterly, pulling on the last article of clothing. ”Oh my god, that’s such a great idea. And then maybe we can also just fuck each other’s brains out in different states and call it a day so I can go back to my life and not think about you ever again!”

It was a hit to his soul and your pride. Who did he think he was?

“Where are you going?” He wasn’t sure where you’d go on a moving train but if the bar you’d passed earlier was any indication, then he knew.

“Somewhere you aren’t.”

With that, you slammed the sliding door shut and fucked off to the bar. He cursed under his breath and kicked the bed. He’d give you time to calm down, but also he’d use that time to come up with what to do when you’d come back.

[randompersonnumber3]

Looking Awesome, Feeling Helpless

More Huskerdust flavored fanfic because I can’t stop myself. This is mostly just Angel and his thoughts during what we see in the Addict music video, with our favorite spider also having the kitty’s absence on his mind because I can’t help myself.

If they didn’t want me to obsess over these things they wouldn’t have put it in the Instagram is all I’m saying.

TW: Non-content sexual abuse. Nothing that isn’t in the ADDICT music video

Angel sipped the free coffee he got from some weirdo backstage as he peaked out from behind the curtains at the audience that filled the strip club. It was a full house but that wasn’t a surprise. Everyone wanted a piece of him. He scanned for any familiar faces. Ugh. Travis was there, the miserable pathetic sack of shit he was. Val was sitting at his key spot, the two broads he always had with him hanging on his arms. 

He didn’t see Husk anywhere. Why did that bother him so much? It wasn’t like they were close, but he had personally given the kitty a ticket and he just blew him off. Husky probably didn’t realize how much it meant to Angel for him to show up to this. It’s not like he told anyone. Not even his bestie Cherri. Okay, he may have told Fat Nugget but his precious baby wasn’t going to blab momma’s secret like that.

He pulled back to finish getting ready. He didn’t really want to put on this show but it’s what Val wanted because apparently the asshole wasn’t already swimming in enough dough. Fucking jackass.He set down the drink and stared at the mirror to get himself into the right head space. Just had to get through this and please Val. Okay… okay….

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The show had gone well. Angel had raked in the tips like always, and no one even got on him when he kicked Travis in the face. He definitely needed that bit of stress relief during the show. 

He finished his cigarette and tossed the butt on to the street as Val walked with his bitches. “Good show, Angelcakes” one of Val’s hands moved to Angel’s ass. It made his skin crawl. He wanted to shrink away and curl up with Fat Nuggets, hidden and away from all of this.

Instead he forced a smile, “Did you expect anything else from me?” He eyed the street, not sure if the limo coming sooner would be good. “Didn’t see Vox there. Making sure I don’t steal your boyfriend?”

Valentino grabbed his jaw roughly, “How many times do I have to tell you Angel baby, lose the attitude.” He hissed, red smoke surrounding Angel. Angel made a slight noise of pain but before Val could do more the limo pulled up to the street.

He got in and Val sat next to him, the moth demon wrapping one of his arms around the spider. Angel hated the limo. Not all limos, Charlie’s limo had the cool window switch which made it a step up above Val’s limo, even without the liquor. He just hated THIS limo. It made him feel trapped and unable to escape. 

Thankfully Val was busy counting his money, giving Angel some time to not focus on being Val’s well behaved bitch. He watched the streets as they drove by, and for whatever reason his mind kept going how he wished Husk had been there. 

Why though? He doubted the cranky old man could keep him safe from Val. Val was an overlord of Hell and Husk was just a cute kitty. Though with Husk’s temper he could still see him trying to defend Angel… if he caught him at a good moment. Angel had a small smile at the thought and allowed himself a brief fantasy of Husky taking down Val. It wasn’t something that could realistically happen, but it was fun to imagine.

His brief moment of escape was ruined as Valentino pulled him onto his lap. Angels heart pounded in his chest. He knew what was coming, and he didn’t want this. Valentino went to kiss him and Angel pulled away. He wanted out of this trap. But this spider was somehow caught in a web made by a giant moth demon. Valentino forced him into the kiss and would force him into everything that would follow suit…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

At last he was home. He slammed the door to the hotel and walked through the lobby. Husk was at his bar, asleep in his own drool with an empty bottle still in his claws. So that’s what happened. Kitty had too much to drink and passed out. He felt a mix of emotions about it. He was happy that Husk hadn’t intentionally ducked out on him, but it wasn’t a good enough reason to negate the hurt. Angel lit a cigarette as Husk’s snores started to fade. The spider demon quickly left the lobby to get to his room. He didn’t want to talk to him. 

Angel stopped as he reached the second floor and leaned on the railing to stare out. Fuck, he needed some good drugs right about now. But no, he needed to avoid “problematic” shit if he was going to stay here without Vaggie threatening to kill him again and sending him to double Hell. It was idle threats but he wasn’t in the mood for that shit. He watched Husk from above the groggy old man went to clean up his drool and Angel began to sing to himself, “I’m addicted… to the sorrow… when the buzz ends by tomorrow…”

“Angel?” A hand reached out to touch his shoulder causing Angel to jump. For a split second he was irrationally terrified it was Val wanting to take more from him. But no, it was just Ms. Perky Charlie. Judging by her face she hadn’t expected that reaction but Angel wasn’t in the mood to care. He flipped her the bird, heart still pounding in his chest. He didn’t want to talk to her either. She would just say some inspirational bullshit about having faith and blah blah blah. He just couldn’t handle that naive optimism right now.

He finished his trek to his room. Fat Nuggets came to greet him and he picked his little hell boar up. Charlie’s unintentional startling off him still had him on edge and memories of what Val liked to do whenever he had a chance was still haunting his brain. He couldn’t even admire himself in the mirror without thinking about it. He tossed the unfinished cigarette into an ashtray and laid down on his lonely bed.

His mind kept on going back to Husk as he tried to avoid thinking about Val. He had to remind himself that Kitty wasn’t trying to hurt him. Besides, it's not like Angel was known for… these feelings. He was a porn star sex worker in Hell. He flirted with fucking every guy he came across. Husk might not even be into guys, anyways. But… even if Husk sincerely rejected him, he would rather be here in this hotel with him and his unrequited feelings than back at the Studio with the assholes who ran it. “Maybe things won’t be so terrible inside this hotel.” He told Fat Nuggets and himself. Fat Nuggets seemed to agree and gave him a kiss on his cheek, and for the first time that night, Angel gave a genuine smile.

[spnreactionblogging]

DESPAIR

SPOILERS BELOW / tw suicide sort of

ah the title really does sum this up. I am filled with such dread going in. I know cas gets sent to super hell, I know the destiel shippers are declaring it canon (but then, when haven't they), and I've heard from a reliable source that the show officially as of just now is queerbaiting for real by making it vague and easy to ignore it instead of actually confirming anything. plus nobody seems to give a fuck about jack, as usual, and sam didn't get to say goodbye? god how can this get better???? I hope buckleming got to fucking murder castiel! that would really improve this for me!!! the cherry on the shit sundae for real so okay here goes. ugh. I have this angel's envy bourbon at 1PM, oops. I feel like I will need it for this one more than the others I also am ensconced in my castiel trenchcoat + "be super good" shirt, and cas, crowley, and sam the q-pals are joining me. dean is banished to remain in the tote bag they live in. god I want to scream. this fucking synopsis "With the plan in full motion, Sam, Dean, Castiel and Jack fight for the good for the common goal." oh the plan to use Jack as a suicide bomb???? great idea. lol I hate this. whose "common good"????????? ah but yes dean runs a dictatorship right. no wonder chuck butts heads with him dean looks so fucking smug in the amazon prime video app, hovering over the episode where cas will die horribly. fuck. there is nothing that can emotionally prepare me for this episode the show is going to end with sam and dean because it started with sam and dean and chuck/the IRL writers are bitter about it I guess??? delete fucking everything god, very fucking cute of dean to be like WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!!! you fucking piece of shit you forcememed this to go as quickly as possible because you want Jack fucking dead, don't pretend you care god. fuck. jack apologizing for dying, to the empty. I hate everything so much ah, so that's why the opening title screen has been that. gross. horrible. a jack singularity is that it? really? jack's dead? just like that. okay. awful. oh he's MAYBE dead. reassuring. I see that briana buckmaster and jim beaver will be joining us my cat is sitting in front of the TV trying to prevent me from watching this, trying to save me from myself oh and felicia day oh this one's written by robert berens, I mostly trust him I think sam should've photocopied the book first oh hey RSJ directed this one I'm glad to have rachel miner back in any capacity that's... alpha/omega on the side there? makes sense I hope it's a fake book god I love sam sitting on the like. what is that, weird equipment panels? more confirmation sam is queer, you heard it here what leverage does dean even think he has cool jack's just getting tortured now "the boy is still useful" at least billie isn't pretending to care about him. oh she left the book thank fuck cas goes to him right away, please hug this child alcohol is not gonna help you guys sleep oh here's dean's half-assed apology. "sorry not sorry that I just couldn't stop, I couldn't help it, I just wanted to get what I wanted, and now that I didn't get what I wanted, sowwy uwu I guess" "you've snapped me out of worse" yeah don't minimize this, sam oh yeah michael exists. I notice dean refers to him as michael and not including adam. way to go I notice that sam does not drink right away "to somehow" those eggs look great "no guns at the table" is a solid rule not only for how miserable that is, but because everything surrounding firearms is a carcinogen and doesn't need to be near food please love yourself charlie please eat good eggs am I supposed to know stevie, was she part of the alternate universe, I still like never watched most of 10-13 oh we're gonna kill MULTIPLE queer characters in this episode, awesome. we gonna kill charlie AGAIN??????? we brought her back just to kill her off, AGAIN? LIKE KEVIN? and bobby I guess?? can I just say how much I hate the concept of a "final boss fight" like why is it always ending in a fight, why is violence always the answer, and why do we feel like one final violent action will solve all the problems huh charlie's shirt looks like a tycho album cover okay so I didn't forget stevie, she was brand new? maybe? I love cas and jack :( feels strange because this all sucks there's no such thing as destiny, jack don't fucking die for sam and dean and 'the world' damn right, cas, he doesn't need "absolution" well that's true for you, cas, you care because he's him. dean just wants to use him cas and jack are good. charlie this was so not your fault. as usual this is the winchesters' fault. tell 'em charlie!!! get 'em!!! you're not sorry, dean. "What now?" is a huge fucking mood, dean oh, greg! our old friend! greg was a real one (but not anymore) yeah eileen's screwed. this includes sam too. and dean i guess. sam is a good person who cares about people despite dean's best efforts to stop him I can't see who he's texting. are cas and jack in the back? poor eileen :( god poor sam having to basically get eileen in front of eyewitnesses who can attest that she disappeared cas and jack are in the backseat yeah I wish he'd tell her she's never gonna reply now yeah she's gone. interesting use of technology that they couldn't've done earlier in the series, to show she was typing but then stopped god that's awful. fuck. "If I let myself go then I'll lose my mind. I can't, right now." that's a huge fucking mood sam let's just postpone all that grief for later. gotta shove it down. huge fucking mood. god I'm so sorry somewhere central... the... bunker? don't split everyone up dean, fuck yes revenge is definitely the answer. killing things is the answer. "not having a choice" is obviously the answer. you fucker we get a sam and dean hug but where's the one for cas. you can like... see it in sam and jack's eyes that they are worried they're never gonna see them again. I'm horrified that cas isn't getting to say goodbye to jack nor sam. I can't handle this. I guess this scene is where they took that last group photo that misha posted back in march? RIP :( oh hey donna jack, that feeling is TheDepression oh gas-n-sip sam's sweet to try to give jack some autonomy here instead of having him just... being shuffled around like baggage. is that eileen's car then this music is intense don't burn the fucking library also wow dean with the reaper blade again is oof. wow. yikes. dean is become death, destroyer of worlds for real. jesus that is fucking horrifying to see. aren't you, dean? aren't you a bringer of death. remember when you hated doing that back in season... 4? 5? later? dean has learned nothing. sam's been trapped in a silo before hasn't he. or that panic room or something. donna is sweet. jack is good. jack deserves better. sam :( donna is very kind I like hearing jody and garth mentioned even if they're not in this episode (?) oh hey charlie sam at least knows how you feel, charlie I like this set god I've missed jim beaver is jack going around with spraypaint? I'm like oh god there's no ventilation. I guess it's a paint bucket but still the fumes are bad. better than being evaporated though I guess big man on campus. RIP stanford sam at least there's a bucket. praeses magna. "president large"? thinking about how it would be impossible to have extras for episodes 19 and 20 I like watching jack paint RIP that plant. apparently he has his powers dean walks around way too comfortably with the reaper scythe. oh but the plan has changed. did billie leave that book and nobody read it?????? dean you don't have friends, bud. yeah how did you tink you would even stand a chance, dean. this is the worst plan ever I'm so tired of seeing cas get tortured. I don't want to see billie get hurt either. is "billie" actually the empty or something "Has virtutes conliga. Eas integra. Eas firma. Nos omnes serva." = "These virtues bind. Those infected. These are strong. We keep them all." idk google translate, I feel like that may not be "infected" but more like integrity I like the effects they did on the wardings there yeah pretty much you can't stop god oh I'm real sad about that couple who vanished together :( bye charlie bye bobby. :( bye donna??? oh that like gold paint gossamer looking shit going on with billie's arm is cool god I'm glad billie smacked him in the face, dean deserves it. I just rewound it to see dean get clocked again, it's so worth it so they went back to the bunker... for what? billie can just go there. sam and jack are gonna have such a rough fucking day. all those double cheeseburgers are back for revenge on dean billie's right actually. dean always thinks the rules don't apply to him because he thinks he should be making the rules. castiel should be with jack, not with dean. fuck. can't cas still heal people the scythe on the wall is a good visual. I really like lisa berry, she does an amazing job is this the same room with the ma'lak box always happy to bleed for the winchesters. christ. fuck. even with dean's pocketknife. cas I'm so sorry. sweetheart you don't deserve this. 7B? so Jack was trapped in 5B, this is a different room but probably the same actual setpiece just rearranged do you just... have to wait her out yeah yeah dean you suck. correct, you never should've left sam and jack. wow I feel zero sympathy for dean at all. you do it to yourselllllf you do, that's what really hurts. oh baby don't summon the empty please :( I'm so glad to know that cas never told them about how he saved jack, it's none of their business yeah it would be with jack, cas. you should be with him man this is shitty. this is like a bad fanfic for real. wow these shots are like, when it cuts between them it's so obvious these were not the same camera lmao fuck. how many takes was this god i hate dean. he has not done this for love. dean is a spiteful person. "you're the most caring man on earth" literally kill me. I want to die. jesus fuck. i want to be dead this is awful this sucks this actually really hurts. this sucks so much. dean you squandered this angel's life. now jack has no father. i hate you dean winchester. i hate you. you don't deserve cas loving you jack knows, jack can feel it. I hate hate hate hate hate hate that jack is left alone with the winchesters. i hate this. jesus fuck i hate this so much i hate this jack sweetheart I'm so sorry dean you fucking ass please pick up the fucking phone. please answer sam. i hate you god dean i hate you fuck dean you are the worst. fuck my life. fuck all this. fuck this show. i'm so angry castiel deserves so much better than this. fuck i'm so mad. why wasn't his moment of happiness knowing that JACK WASN'T GOING TO DIE. i hate this. I'm so upset. fucking shit-ass writing. and it's still not fucking canon you morons at least uh they don't have to have extras for the last two episodes? did they add that footage after? is that what got changed up? everyone's gone huh. god just. dump the show right into the trash. bye. also for fuck's sake nobody gives a fuck about jack like I didn't even know he survived. nobody cares. "sam didn't get to say goodbye" FUCKING JACK DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE fuck this so much. fuck, is dean just chuck's OC? made in his image and furious that his mini-me isn't acting the way he wants? is that why he gets exonerated at every turn? "all the evil shit you did is fine dean you're the MOST LOVING AND THE BESTEST EVER!!!" fuuuuuck

[ariagrans]

Let the year ahead be the one where all your dreams come true and your wishes be granted. 🖤 @hwlandhqgossip

IC

001. What is your proudest accomplishment of this year?

There’s so many that’s happened throughout the year, especially including my album, but most of all, I think it’s best to face the hardest parts of your year so you can take a step back and admire how you overcame them, and I feel as though I found the ability to handle it all, which makes me rather proud of myself given the circumstances. There’s still a scary amount of bad in the world, but I’d like to think I was able to bring some good to a lot of people with my own strength, and hopefully they all found their own.

002. What is the biggest life lesson you learned this year?

It’s something I’ve always known, but I feel as though this year truly made me appreciate the process of living. That lesson of it being that each diamond is created under extreme pressure, and so when I find myself stressed and entirely overwhelmed through a situation, I know that I can trust the process that something good is going to come out of that. If a diamond can do it, so can I.

003. What is one relationship (can be friendship) that has helped you survive this year?

I don’t know what I would do without, Bella. She’s such a blessing that I’ve been spending so much time with, and I’m going to miss her so bad when I’m across the pond, but even if I have to buy the tickets myself, I know I’ll need to get her ass over there with me for our rightful visitations. Bella’s the type of person that could pull me out of a bad mood within seconds, and all I can hope for is to be the same for her. She’s made 2018 exciting at every turn, and there’s so much in store for our friendship, I’m calling it now. @b-hxdid

004. Who or what do you need to let go of in order to make next year even better than this year?

My anxiety. If I could let that go, I know 2019 could be the best year of my life. I’ve had it consume me plenty this year, stayed days to myself and not talk to anybody, a fear eating away inside. And you know what? I regret feeling it every time. I know there’s no reason to feel it. I know it’s a mentality that I’m harboring, one that I know I can expel from my life if I put my mind to it. It creates an insecurity that I won’t allow to hold me back any longer.

005. What did you do this year that you’ve never done before?

I got myself a pig! Not as inspirational as I should probably mention, but I did get one, and my god, it’s definitely a job to handle, but she’s such a light to my life. Shout out to my baby, Piggy Smalls.

006. What are three resolutions or goals you want to make happen next year?

To just stay happy, to spread that happiness to others, and to keep my head up, brush off my shoulders, and let everything flow like water off a duck’s back. Here’s to happiness and to nobody keeping me away from that.

007. Where did most of your money go this year?

I might have gotten carried away with the Christmas presents this year, I’m not gonna lie, but I couldn’t stop myself. They all deserved what they got, and hopefully next year I’ll get to bond with even more people so they all get a piece of my heart as well. And wallet, but I think heart sounds sweeter.

008. What song will always remind you of this year?

Is it weird to shout out my own song? Because Thank You, Next isn’t just about the relationships. I didn’t write it just so I can call out what I’ve been through with the guys I’ve mentioned, or make a diss, and plenty of people already know that. It’s a constant reminder to myself that all I need is myself to get through this crazy place we call earth. It reminds me that I can move on from anything, that I don’t have to hold anything in or bottle it up, that I can look forward and say next to a new situation. A better situation. Nothing can hold me back now from being the person I want to be, and do what I want to do, and that song was written to express that, so I find it to be the perfect fit for 2018.

009. How will you be spending the last day of this year?

Packing up! Aside from celebrating, of course, I’ve still got a big move to make on my hands, and 2019 is the year of the UK for me, and I’ve never been more ready.

010. Who is the best new person you’ve met this year?

Lily James has forever changed my life for the best because she is the best. No, she’s the greatest. Words don’t even begin to describe what Lily means to me, and it’s an absolute honor to have her in my life, to get to spend more time with her. Have you ever met someone that could make you smile just from seeing them smile? Or someone that their happiness radiates so hard onto your life that you can’t feel anything but happy when you’re around them? That’s how Lily makes me feel, and she’s someone that I’m most ready to spend the next year with and learn more about. @lllyjames

OOC

001. What relationship (can be friendship) has been the most fun to write for your muse/s this year?

I’ve gotten so into Ariana and Grant’s friendship to the point that I made a manip for them a month before I could even post it, like what even.. And it’s all based off the love of sushi together and plotting out the families they’ll each have. I know the end of this year has been stressful in real life that I haven’t gotten to devote as much time as I want, but best believe that I want more of them in 2019. <3 @theflashgrant Also, I love you, Sam. I hope you’re not alarmed by the time this is posted, I have tomorrow off. x

002. In what ways do you connect to your muse/s?

I like to think that I connect to how happy Ariana feels most of the time.. Well, she’s constantly been happy, and ever since I’ve come here, I feel like I’ve had a brighter look on the year compared to the rest, and her time she’s had here has affected my own time and made it even better.

003. What’s your favorite category to write for your muse/s? (angst, fluff, smut, etc.)

Well, I haven’t written smut on Ariana yet, but I’m sure that’ll be a wonderful time when we get down to it with her and whoever the lucky boy/girl she’s with is, but so far, these fluffy, cute ass friendships she’s making is hands down the best for me.

004. If you could give your muse/s one gift, what would you give them?

I’d have to give my muse more time, honestly. They deserve it. I shouldn’t let work consume my life, when my passion is RP in the first place. RP is my escape, and I’m here along with many talented people that I want to share my muse with, so just devoting more to them is the most I could do to benefit them, honestly.

005. What was your favorite event/moment/memory in HollywoodlandHQ this year?

Appreciation week! I was honestly only here for like.. two to three weeks, I think? And I like to think I went in on trying to express how appreciative I was to be here, and I still am. I always will be! You guys are the best, and it’s an honor to spend time with you. It’s an honor to be in a group ran by such talented and trusted admins and beautiful players across the world. I hope you all know just how much I love you.

006. What muse/s have you enjoyed most seeing on this dash this year?

I really love seeing everybody on the dash, but Charlie’s and Becca’s ( @loutommo-x , @teylcrswift ) always bring a smile to my face just from them posting a queue even, I love them both so much, I love their ship so much, and I hope to keep building bonds with them IC and OOC!

007. What is your favorite thing your muse/s have done this year in the group? (can be in the real world or what you made up)

In real life, I’d say that Ariana’s album and music videos had to be so exciting for her, and I hope it was as thrilling for her as it was for me, but with my Ari in this beautiful world of HWland, I’d say her trip to London was exciting. I mean, she does want to move there now so it has to count for something.

008. What would you like to see in HollywoodlandHQ in 2019?

I think some tasks could be a lot of fun! Like this alone has brought a lot of focus on my character and I feel like when people bond with their muse enough to answer questions like these, they’re more likely to keep wanting to come back, and I love that! I love feeling more connected to Ariana, it fuels my need to develop her, and even simple tasks like a mixtape or moodboard could open up a path in my opinion.

009. What is a plot you would love to do with your muse/s?

I’d love to add some more angst into Ariana’s story line.. I’ve got a plot page, ( don’t look at it, that shit is totally empty ), but I’d love to fill it up with all kinds of stories to play along with, and something that’s both rip and mend my heart could be really fun! You know.. Stuff that people like @ohlizzo and @hqcentineo do that both kill me and make me feel alive. :) That smile is exactly how you think it is.

010. Tag somebody in the RP and say something nice about them. It’s the season of giving.

@hcurly you already know I couldn’t go without saying something about you. I love you to the moon and back, and that trip ten times over. You make every day feel like a blessing for me, and I consider myself the luckiest person to not only know of you, but to personally get to know you and spend time writing with your Harry. The best one, hands down, that I’ve ever come across, and I know I can’t live without you now. I just can’t put it into proper words what you and Harry mean to me now, and I know nothing could ever change that. <3

And how could I do a post like this and not mentioned @itstbellisario. You are so precious as a player and your characters are the same way, I adore you and I love how sweet you’ve been from the very get. I’m shit at my replies, but I hope you know I love every one of them that I have with you, and I’ll forever appreciate you being here in this RP with me. Troian and Haley forever belong in my Hall of Fame.

To finish this off, though, I want to dedicate the best time of my life this year to the wonderful admins that run this place, that bust their ass off to make it the best RP I’ve ever been in. It’s been exactly 2 months of me being here, only 1/6th of the entire year, but I couldn’t have had a better ending note for it if it weren’t for you all! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I could cry tears of gratitude for you, for this RP. Some people may think it’s just some website, but it saves lives and you’re all to thank for that. I love you. <3

@hcurly @gigihqs @kjapayo @liliisms @diannahq @hollandjpg @itsgenevievegnt

[justtwilightshitposts-blog]

So I got high as fuck and watched Twilight for the first time in 6 years and made a list of the thoughts running through my head. Anyways it’s under the cut, enjoy lol

Dramatic entry....

I don’t understand what she’s saying

Oh my god look at her stupid fucking cactus it’s so small and dumb

Why does she sound so miserable

Charlie her hair?? Really??

How is their house so big with one fucking bathroom

Charlie really had someone else decorate her room omg

Why is he such a good fucking dad. I want to cry

“Still dancin”..... aight, billy 

Jacob looks so fucking angsty

She’s so excited about this huge ugly piece of shit truck how is she straight

Did it ever get explained in the series where the fuck Jacob goes to school

“Nice ride” ahah SOOOO FUNNY

I don’t remember his name but why is he such a try hard

*Ball comes at Bella* bella: fUCK

Jessica: stay the FUCK away from my man

Jessica you weird

Mike stop

Who tf is that dude omg he just took his fucking chair

“FEATURES DEAD, ANGELA”

Oh my god Jess when she says eating disorders aakkskakdn

This background music does not fit the characters

Yeah they live together omg

How convenient. A family full of people who fuck each other except ONE

HIS FUCKING STARE

Why they got a fan in the classroom

No introduction to the new kid? Unrealistic. Blocked.

Stop staring at each other what the shit bruh

Just jump tf out the classroom damn

Edward trying to slam the door omggg

How she gonna know you Santa when you dressed normal, tf

Just grab the ketchup

Jesus Christ just talk to each other

Goodbye cell phone then

Day one and you’re doing homework ok

Why is Edward so fucking cringey

He couldn’t handle it so he just stayed home fucking pussy

They just straight up threw a fucking rock at her

Things were getting strange AFTER he stops going to school hmmmmm?

Seriously their house is good sized

This bitch just fucking ate shit what a clumsy gay

“You’re not in Phoenix anymore”

“I need your playlist”

Why is EVERYONE hitting on Bella. She doesn’t even look straight

“Hello” bruuhhhh

His voice, TF

What is the golden onion

Why does he talk like... that

Bonding over science. Haha. Get it. Bonding

“How’s the weather”

Cold n wet. Cool

He laughin. Lmao

Aw his smile

I feel so awkward watching this conversation

Why doesn’t this bitch just sit tf still Jesus Christ

“Wait hOLD UP why didn’t you go with your mom and Phil just curious haha I’m just trying to analyze you no biggie”

The fluorescents. Walks away. ????

How tf did this mf even manage to almost crash like what. How did it even happen

He out this mf

Everyone just like. Sat there for so long not doing anything??? Then BAM OMG BELLA ALSKAJNCKDO”

Carlisle is so fucking white Jesus

Did she never notice his eyes are the same color as Edwards

Fuckin snitch omg Carlisle is not happy

“Hey ex wife our daughter almost died lol call me back”

They are really just arguing in the middle of the hospital tf?

I was standing right next to you....

why does he look like that

Rude ass tf?

Edgy moon

Tf she dreaming about

Wait so like he didn’t even start out with anything low key he just straight up fucking watched her sleep after knowing her a week

God why does he look like that. All the time

Poor mike oh my god

She’s lived here a week how does she already have plans conveniently the night of prom. Get a better excuse Bella

Recycled tea

Why is he so fucking creepy “what’s in Jacksonville” mf HOW you know

Rude ass again what the shit

Why would Bella care if you go to prom with mike, Jessica

“We shouldn’t be friends” no one said you were???

“Our bus is full” 💀

Call your fucking mother you asshole

Charlie don’t talk about Phil

She just walks tf out lmaoooo

How did anyone NEVER say anything about them NEVER eating lunch

La PUSH

He just bounced a fuckin apple

Stop being so cryptic what the fuck

“Let’s say for arguments sake that I’m not smart” bitch me too the fuck

“What if I’m... the villain” shut up you fucking emo oh my god

Come to the beach lol

This is all so awkward

Why did they like hardly ever show Angela

“You’re a strong independent woman” how do people think she’s straight

“The Cullen’s don’t come here” so fucking dramatic

“Yeah yeah whatever enough of you, what about the CULLENS”

Wait. How long have the Cullen’s been around? How long ago was the treaty made???

This music is so fucking dramatic

Oh no it’s Santa....

These bitches gay as fuck too James looks so fucking gay

How is it the entire time she’s trying to figure out the Cullen’s not ONCE does she question the quilietes being descended from FUCKING WOLVES

All these prom dresses boring as fuck

Like what the fuck even is that material

Jess is fucking... phat

“Sorry I don’t do prom dresses I just like really wanna go to this bookstore”

I don’t even want to know what would have happened if Edward didn’t come get her from these creeps...

She legit is about to get gang raped and like. No one ever said anything about this guys what the fuck

Why does Edward look like a fucking crack addict

“Sorry I just REALLY wanna murder these guys”

You should put YOUR seat belt on

“Yeah were gonna do everything that consists of a date but it’s not a date ok?”

No way that tiny bitch is gonna eat that whole ass plate

I’m gonna make sure YOU eat but I won’t alright?

Fucking math nerd

How DID he know she was there???

“I feel very protective of you even though I’ve known you for like less than a month”

He can read minds it’s no biggie

“Cat” bitch me too!!!

I can’t read YOUR mind tho sorry

Wait so why are certain vampires given gifts?

I don’t wanna stay away from you anymore lol

Ooooo our dads are here

“Animal attack” *GLARE*

“Idk what to say I’m so sorry”

Charlie STOP MY HEART IS FUCKING BREAKING

Animals are attacking and you give her pepper spray?

Why tf did they roll his whole ass body out in plain view why the hell was he not in a body bag!!!!

“Oh OKAY everything is starting to come together”

What is this dramatic dream where he’s all emo drinking her blood what the fuck is happening

“Follow me into the woods just trust me”

I don’t find it believable that he speaks like he’s from a different time. His dialect would change with time. Imagine him in 2018 fuckin yeet this and dab that lmaoooo

Why when he runs his legs move and nothing else

How fast are they even going

Diamonds are a girls best friend. And vampires.

“I’m a killer” on cool aha I’m just chillin alone in the woods with u haha no biggie

Why are you being so dramatic Edward

He just yeeted that fucking rock lol

“I’ve never wanted to kill anyone until you”

You’re my drug....

his voice is cracking me tf up

“I’m not afraid of you I’m afraid of losing you” you fucking emo

I want to die

I zoned out an all I heard was “sick masochistic lion” .... alright

Let’s just lay in the grass in the middle of the fucking woods it’ll be cute!!!

Do they just. Stare at each other and not talk...

Why do they use sound effects for his skin lmao

“My crush is a vampire lol ❤️”

What’s Monte Carlo

Everyone is staring lmaoooo

The siblings are not happy lmao

Why would you turn someone into a vampire like there is no logical reason to be like “you’re dying so I’m gonna make you live FOREVER”

They’re just chillin in the rain lmao

Literally tho like being a vampire would be pointless and fucking torture Jesus Christ why would you force that on a dying person

“Wanna meet the fam lol jk u have no choice”

The fucking stare down between Edward and Jacobs dad I’m fucking deceased

“Just keepin it real, son” broooo

Does anyone remember at one point in this series Edward and Jacob just fucking switched Bella off like what the shit was that was I just hallucinating

They cooked for her :(

How long has it been since they cooked

Esme is my soul mate

We NEVER use the kitchen

Jesus CHRIST Rosalie chill the FUCK out

Calm down you FUCKING drama queen

Please don’t kill me lol

Alice you Sapphic ass coming in on a fuckin tree branch

“Bella and I are gonna become great friends” does... does she KNOW. You know bc she can see the future

Alice is so cheery oh god

I too would be dramatic enough to frame all of my several graduation caps

I don’t... sleep

Like he doesn’t even need a chair like their legs never get tired. If they wanted to they could just stand every second of every day

Edward it is the 21st century catch up on the tunes, man

The face she made when he twirled her lmaooo

“I’ll MAKE you dance” .... alright

Why did they like. Move midair

This tree jumping shit just does not look scientifically accurate

“This kind of stuff just doesn’t exist” ... the woods?

Let’s sit in a fucking tree and just talk forever

I wonder who wrote the song Edward wrote. It’s actually... good???

Why is the footprint on top of this fucking mound of dirt lol

Hey hey you You I don’t like your boyfriend

I would kill for Charlie

No one like ACTUALLY questions why a HUMAN foot print is found in the murder scene

“Go SOCIALIZE”

He just fucking comes out of nowhere fuck

How much time does this movie take the course over “only the last couple months” ????

“There’s always something I wanted to try” *kisses bella* you gonna tell me you’re 100+ years old and a virgin???????

This kissing scene must have been so awkward

He just fucking. Zooms back into the wall

Does Charlie not hear any of this???

Edward. She needs to sleep bro

I’m sorry but if my partner never slept I would never sleep with them like don’t fucking watch me sleep the shit???

He just fucking loves his gun

What is he doing over his head ??

We’re just gonna play a family game of baseball lol

Charlie cares so much :(

Charlie doesn’t even question that they’re going to play baseball in a thunderstorm

The baseball scene is in my top iconic scenes in cinematic history

Why do they keep the field so small if they hit the ball so far ???

Emmet my fuckboy baby

When emmet and Edward collide. Iconic.

These gay ass Mfers and their dramatic entrances

Why is putting her hair up going to help. It’s not her hair they smell it’s her blood? Right??

Vampires just go around claiming territory??

All around America??

James knows

Why do they hiss....

The fucking Cullen clan all just bend their knees and hiss like what the shit

“I can buckle MYSELF Edward”

This all went 0-100 real quick

Edward step up your acting game. Monotone ass mf

Charlie is so fucking confused

What even is she grabbing

Ok but Charlie’s so supportive of her and like all he cares about is her being safe oh my god

And he never knows that she didn’t mean any of what she said :((((((

That would fucking kill me oh my god poor Charlie

When they land on her truck... where are they coming FROM...

“Her kind” ... gingers?

Rosalie has a point...

Laurent was just a third wheel

Why do they drive so fast

How the hell was Bella even going to explain this to her mom??? What was her plan.

James.... Jesus your fucking face...

How did he get into the high school

You fucking dumbass you just gonna. Fight a fucking vampire? What is her plan? Fight him? Show up and take her mom and get out???

Also how did she even sneak past Alice and jasper

Wait how did he get this video

You dumb as shit bitch!!!

You can’t fight a vampire the fuck!!!

Why is the part where James shoved Edward against the mirror so sexually tense

This whole fucking ballet studio scene is just too dramatic

Why is she convulsing tho. Is that how it is when you turn into a vampire??? You fucking have a seizure???

Alice fucking SNAPPED

This whole series could have ended right here if they just let her fucking change into a vampire right then and there

Shut the fuck up and suck, Edward

Why her face look like.... that

Carlisle just PUSH HIM

Why are the tubes like ON her eyeballs

Edward sleeping... ha

The whole falling down the stairs bullshit story is so fucking ridiculous lmaoooo

“You’re texting” this movie is so old

Which leg is broken???

I almost killed you lol sorry. Also get the fuck out of Forks

Bella: *insert lady from lipstick in valentino bag vine*

Ok so her right leg is in the cast but in the hospital she was chillin in the bed with her right leg bent?

Jacob where did you come from lmao

“My dad paid me to come talk to you”

“Also you need to break up with your boyfriend”

The instant tension between Edward and Jacob and Bella is so fucking oblivious

“The wolves descend” REALLY EDWARD

Was their senior prom ever mentioned in the series???

She’s so fucking short omg

This music: A++

No seriously what is with everyone’s dresses being so ugly

“I want you always” bitch you just met like 2 months ago???

Bella is so desperate for the dick that she wants to become a fucking vampire

She actually thought he was gonna bite her at prom lmao????

They kiss so awkwardly

Victoria looks so jealous

And hot

Where is she going

Oh it’s over ok cool gn