#charles rowland ptsd

[theineffabletardisof221b]

Guys have you thought about how Charles was never enough for his dad- but too much for everyone else?

It probably started with his mum. Begging him not to cry even when his dad wasn’t there to yell at him for it because she just couldn’t deal with it. He learns to bite his pillow to muffle the sobs, and to use cold water to clean up.

Then the kids at school- never quite friends but willing to tolerate and correct him. Tell him when he was being too much. Too loud. Too emotional. Too much.

The first person he loved. Letting himself fall into a sense of security, to laugh too loud and get upset until they snap about why can’t he ever feel things like normal?

And he just wants to be good.

“I was never enough for my dad and, and I was just too much for mum. And I know I still am. I don’t say the right things. I’m not smart, and I’m not strong enough for it to be okay that I’m stupid. I’m too loud, too clingy. I need way too much, but I can’t stop I’ve tried I try so hard to be good and stop being like this, you have to believe me I’m trying- I want to be good-“

[gayboydetectivez]

Joke all you want about charles and edwin jumping every time the ghost mailman comes in bc yeah detectives of 40+ years shouldn't be so easily startled but they both have valid reasons to react like that. Charles was an abuse victim who was beat to death and Edwin was kidnapped, murdered, and then hunted down and chased for 70+ years. Of course they're going to have issues with being snuck up on.

[literally-forever]

i was on my third rewatch when i noticed you can hear Charles pleading with his dad underneath the noises of the Devlin murders

[isnt-that-wizardd]

hello, i delved into the world of dbd fanfic and i'm pretty proud of it so here you go <3

description:

Since they'd fallen out of hell, the Night Nurse slamming the door on the awful baby doll demon behind them, Charles had been itching to touch Edwin. And it wasn't like his usual touch-oriented personality just wishing to have some sort of contact. He could control that easily enough after all this time.

No, this was something different.

This felt like a desperation. A need to be in Edwin's personal space, to keep his hands on him. He wanted to wrap his best friend in a hug and never let go, he wanted to sit as close as possible as they heard a new case. He wanted to take Niko’s place as she grabbed Edwin's hand to drag him to watch another one of her shows. He wanted to tuck Edwin against him as they sat on the couch. He would wrap an arm around Crystal and wish it was Edwin, who was merely across the room.

---

After Hell, Charles is terrified of letting Edwin out of his reach for fear that he might get taken away again. He is, of course, being very subtle in his attempts to keep Edwin close.

or

a series of moments when charles can't stop touching edwin to remind himself that he's real and safe, until it all finally catches up to him and he snaps

[alexrod-dbd]

Hold me through thunder is posted! You can find it right here:

Here’s the summary :

“Charles, are you afraid of thunder?”

Tears swell faintly in his eyes, biting his lower lip.

“I’m not… afraid, I- or I don’t know, I just… it brings back bad memories. Like, from the Devlin’s house? But also… bad ones... from my dad.”

_

Or: Charles has thunder PTSD, and Edwin holds him through it.

2k of a bit of hurt/comfort to begin with and then it’s just pure fluff ✨

[pisces-swirlix]

Okay DBD fandom. Bear with me, this is stupid as hell, but I’m laughing uncontrollably on the floor of my room and I have to share.

For context, there was this show I used to watch: Galavant. It only ran for like two seasons back in 2015, but it was awesome. It was like this fantasy/comedy/musical type thing. I was recently reminded of its existence when I randomly heard one of the songs.

It was a song that they did in the show sang by this evil witch. When the main character meets her, you find out she owns this tavern, and it’s full of all these muscly dudes, so you’re like “oh he’s about to get the shit beaten out of him.” Long story short, no. The witch owns a gay bar, and instead of beating him up, they proceed to do a musical number titled “Off with His Shirt.”

I don’t even know if I have to elaborate more on this, but I’m cracking up at Charles and Edwin meeting Desire and it being exactly like this.

[gayboydetectivez]

I think everyone's autistic edwin headcannons are 100% valid but id also like to speculate on what the writer said about Edwin's touch aversion and self isolating tendencies that I feel are being interpreted as autism but may not be.

The writer said that he did not intend for edwin to be autistic and would not write a cannon autistic character without casting an autistic actor so while autistic edwin will always have my heart, it's not something that we can expect to become cannon.

The writer also said that much of the way edwin behaves is caused by his trauma both from experiencing hell but also from a very emotionally neglectful childhood. Many symptoms of PTSD can mimic autism and I feel the further we get into season 1, we really see him start to cope with those symptoms in a constructive way and begin to overcome them in a way that is more narratively significant if he has PTSD.

He has a strict dedication to routine and note-taking which could be autism or it's from the fact he grew up in a catholic boarding school where he was literally beat if he didn't follow strict rules, he went to hell where he was forced to live by rules of survival, and then only escaped hell through intricately mapping his way out.

He has touch aversion and doesn't like strangers which is common in autism, but also in those who experienced physical violence regularly.

His difficulty managing strong emotions could be autism but it also makes sense for someone who wasn't allowed to express himself at all for fear of being bullied, arrested, and then later in hell, hunted down and torn apart by a monster.

There are also symptoms he displays that are 100% PTSD like his intense startle response, his jokes about his hell trauma, his refusal to speak on his own emotions, and his defensive/catty responses when confronted directly he later has to apologize for because he spoke from instinct.

By the end of season one we see edwin starting to open up more both emotionally and physically with those around him (hugs with niko, the cat king kiss, hugging charles more and allowing himself to linger as well as being more forward with compliments and his feelings like in the post hell roof scene). He also is slowly becoming more okay with change as we reach the end of the 8th episode (accepting the night nurse and jenny into the agency without more than a comment on logistics).

I hope season 2 goes more into him breaking down his walls and learning to cope with his trauma even more.

[epicmarrowbonesoup]

Headcannon that postcannon Charles doesnt like leaving Edwin alone for long streches of time.

You know the way he did in the beggining of the show, leaving Edwin alone so that Charles could be with Crystal or just giving Edwin space to be with other people(Monty or Niko). I think post-Hell Charles Rowland would feel uneasy about not having Edwin in his line of sight while at the same time not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

Like how in the last episode Edwin is alone and Charles leaves others to pack so he could check up on Edwin, that sort of thing. Or how he was hessitent to follow Crystals plan at first becouse he has to rescue(see) Edwin ( to me it also looks like Charles was so busy rushing to Edwin he didnt noitice Nikos body but that might just be me)

Anyways i think it would be a fun direction to take Charles's characther in. Considering in s1 he is already weary of Edwin spending time with the Cat King, youd get that whole jealousy thing but doubled and mixed in with his feeling of inadequacy as the brawn. But also s1 establishes Charles as being at least partially insecure about their bond: having to correct Edwin whenever Edwin says how Charles would move on quickly and constanty seeking reassurment from edwin about their friendship (ep 1 when he asks what would happen if death came, ep 4 with his fight with the night nurse, seeing Brad and Hunter the best friends as him and Edwin)

And then you also have the reversal of how Edwin was jealous of Charles spending lots of times with Crystal and now Charles is protesting every second Edwin isnt with him. And ofcourse Charles does it from a place of fear and love but Edwin would maybe interpret it the wrong way, who knows?

And, from what the writers have told us, Edwin in s2 spent at least some amount of time flirting with other men (hopefully without Charles lurking in the background) and from what we know from that one cameo Jayden and George did, there was a lot of tension between the boys...

Now im not a writer i didnt write the s2 script or anything, im not saying this is what would have happened in s2 but.... i think the tension might have come from that. From Charles seeing Hell as a traumatic expirience and his PTSD manifesting as his insistence on Edwin not leaving his side, Charles's insecurities and his fear of losing Edwin being at an all time high. While Edwin, who has learnd how to forget Hell, is acting as if nothing happened at all, exploring his sexuality and making new friends in the process.

It would make Charles confront all of the skeletons he's been hiding in the closet but also it would ask the simple question of why is Charles so insecure in their friendship? Why is he constantly mentioning them being best mates? Why does he need it so much? Why is he constantly searching from reassurences that they are best friends?

And for more angst, from Edwins point of view he is doing everything Charles wanted him to do in s1. Hes accepting and letting the dead boy detectives workplace to grow and change, he is being more open and friendlier, he is encouraging Charles friendship/relationship with Crystal and he is no longer playing trauma Olympics at the drop of a hat. So why is Charles so mad? Hes working through his shame and his supiriority complex, hes growing as a person and Charles is still stuck at the staircase.

[genevievefangirl]

Gen's Top 100 DBDA Fics - PART 7

For all caveats/rules/backstory, please read the Master Post

signed, sealed, delivered By: sulfuric @c-rowland Rating: G Tags: Fluff, Mutual Pining, Getting Together Summary: The misty remains of the thing haven’t even cleared from the air of the office when Smiley—still on his back, rolling over like a golden retriever—is looking again to Uptight and grinning wide in a way the Postman can only reliably describe as stupid. He’s been standing here observing the ruckus for a good minute, now, and the two of them are completely in their own world, unaware of anything but each other. It takes him a tick, but Uptight smiles, too. (or: the Postman, observing.) My Notes: This is really fun as an outsider’s POV fic and who doesn’t love the Ghost Postman?!

So Tie Me to a Post and Block My Ears By: that_trans_autistic_guy @that-trans-autistic-guy Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Hell, Trauma, Blindness, Deaf, Past Torture, Protective Charles Rowland Summary: Edwin loved his job. Truly, being a detective was something he’d daydreamed about in life and it was his reality in his afterlife, a genuine dream come true. Even better, he had the best partner and agency he could have ever asked for. The work was always intriguing and exciting, there was always more to learn and he always had his favorite person by his side. What more could he need? My Notes: Edwin having a panic attack and then Charles calms him down? Sign me up please! And the second chapter being Charles POV of the whole thing is the cherry on top.

solatium By: matelotage Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, PTSD Summary: It's not something Charles noticed right away in the heat of things, considering they'd been in hell the first time it happened, and at the mercy of a deranged witch the other. But they'd been the only times he'd seen Edwin without his usual posh school attire. My Notes: Charles giving Edwin his coat after the events of Ep 8 is EVERYTHING TO ME

Something’s gone terribly wrong (But I’ll make it better) By: Aster_Flower114 aStar_flower on twitter Rating: NR Tags: Fluff, Protective Charles Rowland, Injury Summary: Short fic about Edwin getting badly injured during a case and is reluctant to rest for a bit My Notes: Edwin refusing help/rest when he's hurt? So in character, but also makes me want to smack him lol

Soul Protector By: Ice_Elf @ice-elf Rating: M Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Charles Rowland, Soul Bond Summary: Whoever held the greatest claim on his soul could be worse than Doll Spider. They might doom him to an eternity of pain that even he couldn’t imagine. But he didn’t care: this chance of freedom—of snatching victory from the creature that had stolen decades of his existence—was far greater than any risk. “The claimant is unknown,” the Justiciar stated. “If they approach the court with the proper paperwork, or are willing to be put to the sword, we will revisit your case. ~ Following their return from Hell, Edwin and Charles had thought themselves safe. They had believed that Hell and its denizens had no more claim on Edwin's soul. Unfortunately, not everyone is of the same opinion. When Edwin is summoned to a tribunal to determine whether the Doll Spider or the Office of Lost and Found has the greater claim on his soul, it is up to Charles, Crystal and the Night Nurse to put things right. The truth, however, may be more complicated than it seems - and more than one of the agency will be forced to confront their demons. My Notes: This is truly one of the greats for me. The worldbuilding, the characterization, and the plot are all exactly what I want out of a fanfic. And Edwin and Charles are just so devoted and codependent in this it is unreal.

Spectral Rage By: Baby_Spinach @a-jasminator Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, FIrst Kiss, Whump, Protective Charles Rowland, Protective Edwin Payne Summary: "Hold on, you think I'd turn?" Charles demands. "Every ghost has a unique trigger, and I can't say I wasn't a little concerned on a few occasions in Port Townsend. Then, with that same look in your eyes just now…" Edwin isn't wrong; it's not like Charles hadn't been thinking the same thing. But he shakes his head and attempts a comforting grin--Edwin's got too much on his plate to waste time worrying about the one person who's supposed to look out for him. "Don't worry, mate, I'm aces. So how do we find this demonic arsehole?" -OR- All ghosts are capable of turning vengeful. When their quarry is revealed to be a demon from Edwin's past, Charles and Edwin learn something important about their own personal triggers. My Notes: References to Edwin's time in Hell? The boys being mutually protective? One of them turning into a dangerous powerful mess when the other is threatend? What's not to love!

Still a Better Lovestory By: Vamillepudding @vamillepudding Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Protective Charles Rowland Summary: “That about did it,” Edwin says, patting himself down and straightening his bowtie. “Now, if you’re ready, I suggest we find a mirror and-“ “Did you just cough up a flower?” Charles interrupts. Flower, perhaps, is a slight exaggeration. It’s more like a petal, red and incredibly out of place here on the shore. Edwin clears his throat, but this time no petals follow. “Certainly it’s nothing to worry about.” Or: Edwin is suffering from a weird curse, but for some reason, he's refusing Charles' help. Charles is trying his best to fix it anyway, but Edwin is being oddly secretive about the whole thing. My Notes: I'll admit that I am not normally a Hanahaki desease persona, but this fic is amazing. And if you like Twilight references you will have a lot of fun with this!

still. By: Backstabberr @dulltulipz Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Protective Charles Rowland, Hurt Edwin Payne, Hurt Charles Rowland Summary: He reached out to take Edwin’s hand. “I realized…I loved you, that I’m in love with you,” Charles said, his eyes moving from his hands to meet Edwin’s. He was crying as well, his hand gripping Charles tighter. “And you were gone, I couldn’t tell you, I wouldn’t be able to kiss you or hold you. It just started and ended at that very moment.” Charles tripped over some of his words before shuttering, he breathed deeply. [aka Edwin is badly hurt to the point he falls into some sort of ghost coma, Charles inevitably has a revelation.] My Notes: Injuried Edwin to protective charles to love confesssion pipeline strikes again! (And I love it every time)

Stories left on our skin By: DryadGurrl @dryadgurrl Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Magical Tattoos, Protective Charles Rowland Summary: Charles always hated re-doing the tattoos, but that was part of why he'd insisted on taking over the task in the first place, it was easier, somehow, being the one to etch those marks into Edwin's skin than it was watching him do it to himself. Or: Edwin has magical tattoos to help with his spellcasting and when a case goes south, it's up to Charles to replace them (and not for the first time) My Notes: I would have never come up with this idea, but it is brilliant. Charles redoing magical tattoos for Edwin is just such an intimate gesture and really shows how close their relationship is.

sun in my eyes By: pisces_spider @pisces-swirlix Rating: G Tags: Fluff, First Kiss, Romantic Soulmates, Platonic Soulmates Summary: When Edwin reads to Charles, everything is okay. Edwin tries to get to the bottom of why Charles likes it so much. (Or — Edwin and Charles treat reading aloud like it’s a love language) My Notes: Edwin reading to Charles is literally one of my favorite things ever.

[that-ineffable-devil]

Adding to this: Not to get too dark or personal about this, but it's rare to see a character with so many of my experiences and personality traits/flaws portrayed so well that it affects me so deeply. Most of the time it's only one or two things or it's portrayed...terribly.

I can't thank him enough for helping so many angry, traumatized individuals feel seen and understood.

I've praised George Rextrew a lot for the emotion he put behind various actions, and I stand by that.

But I also want to take a moment to appreciate Jayden Revri's ability to handle Charles' more explosive emotions.

In the Devlin house, you watch his anguish and anger build in equal measure. Unlike the characters, we get to see the build-up to the outburst that leads to him getting stuck in the loop. The first time he sees that man murder his family he wants to look away, he tries to look away. You can see how much it hurts him, but he turns back and watches anyway--and the horror turns to rage.

When the Night Nurse comes, he fights her off--very aggressively yes, but they didn't see what he did when she took him into his memories--and everyone looks at him like...like he's a bomb that may go off again? Like they've never seen him before?

The boy's just been through some of his most traumatic memories and committed an act of violence that probably only made that experience worse, and he sees his friends looking at him the way he'd always feared they would--like he's a bad guy. And Jayden portrays that grief and pain so beautifully.

And when he gives that little "no" while he's crying and jerks away from Edwin's outstretched hand?

My heart feels like it's been squashed and wrung out.

[bluejayadler]

Charles Rowland Exploration

I have a question for the Dead Boy Detective fandom. A fun exploration of character psychology and development.What would Charles Rowland be like if he wasn't "saved"? 

For context, I've read a lot of Alive Boy AUs. I've seen some where both boy save each other from their respective "deaths". I've mostly seen ones where Edwin has lived through the "prank sacrifice" and whatever non-Hell bad came out of it and is around to save Charles in the attic from freeing to death. Lastly, I've seen a few where both boys have survived their ordeals and met each other afterwards. And this is the scenario I've been thinking about. (I'm gonna add here that I've thoroughly enjoyed every Alive Boy fic I've read. My question is because my brain likes to go down rabbit holes, not because I'm criticing or criticizing any fic I've read).In the context of the show, we see Edwin's reaction to his trauma and not being "saved". I feel like his dislike and distrust of the living is in part due to how he died and that no one cared enough to stop it, to save him. Plus, adding in his childhood. We know he has a fear of dolls. We know he's hypervigilant about Hell - aside from Niko's death, Edwin is always the first to mention the need to get away before Death comes. This is often carried over into fics. Alive Boy Edwin usually is written with a PTSD response to his near-death - nightmares, hypervigilance, distrust, withdrawal from social engagement, etc. Sometimes even a fear of having the door unlocked or fear of being tied down/grabbed. 

In the context of the show, we never seen Charles who wasn't "saved". I'm putting quotation marks here because I don't mean saved as in death prevented. In the show, Charles still dies, but I feel like Edwin still saves him in a way. Charles experienced betrayal by everyone meant to care for him and protect him. His father, his friends, his school - covering up his death definitely counts as betrayal even if it happened after the fact. But at the moment of his death, a stranger appears and is kind. A boy who spent 70 years in Hell after being sacrificed by his classmates, and who has every reason to be the worst person ever, decides to be kind - to keep him company, to get him extra blankets and a lantern, to read to him. It doesn't even end there. Charles isn't alone after his death as Edwin was. Charles has Edwin at his side, and he can trust Edwin in a way he couldn't trust others because Edwin was there for him. He didn't take advantage of Charles being weak from cold or unable to smile and talk his way out of trouble. He didn't have anything to gain by helping Charles, and Charles would later learn that hanging around a dying person was a risk to Edwin. So Charles isn't alone after his death and is with someone he feels he can trust. To add to that, Charles has a purpose (protecting Edwin from Hell and solving cases, however long it took them to get to that). This also gives Charles a direction for any anger/rage and also a reason to keep up the smile. "Keep up spirits for all of us" is what Charles tells Crystal. Yes, Charles still has his trauma responses - see the entirety of ep 3-5. Those responses are almost entirely tied to his father's abuse, though. We don't necessary see if he has a trauma response to his death. I know the fandom headcanons things like a fear of water/drowning, being cold when he's weak/injured/drained, etc. But we don't explicitly see the response to his friends and school betraying him very much, aside from a couple reactions mainly in Edwin's "we didn't matter". So the Charles we see in the show is the result of a boy who died after being betrayed again and again but was "saved" by another.

Now, take that away. Take away Edwin and his kindness and the purpose he gave Charles. Take away that safety and that outlet and that reason to keep smiling. What happens then? Would he still try to be always smiling? Would the anger and rage by at the tip of his tongue and his fist always ready to throw? Would he even be willing to try to befriend Edwin when they eventually meet? 

What would Charles Rowland be like if he wasn't "saved"?(Please bare in mind, this whole thing was typed at 2 am cause I couldn't sleep until I got it out of my head.)

[simp2537]

SCYLLA

Cast

“WE MUST DO WHAT IT TAKES TO SURVIVE!”

Y/N ADRIENNE 

THE SCYLLA

“I LOVE YOU TOO.”

MONTY FINCH

THE CROW

“CHRIST Y/N! SINCE WHEN COULD YOU DO THAT!”

CHARLES ROWLAND

THE BRAWNS

“YOU SMELL LIKE WHISKEY AND DEPRESSION, GET UP.”

EDWIN PAYNE

THE BRAINS

“YOUR MIND IS THE ONLY ONE I CANT READ.”

CRYSTAL PALACE

THE PSYCHIC 

“HE REALLY LIKES YOU, YOU KNOW YOU CAN LIKE HIM RIGHT?”

NIKO SASAKI

THE ALMOST DEAD GIRL

“ARE YOU OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK THAT?”

JENNY GREEN

THE BUTCHER

“JUST IMAGINE WHAT I COULD DO WITH ALL YOUR PAIN.”

ESTER FiNCH

THE WITCH

“TRUST ME DAUGHTER, IT’S BEST I LOVE YOU FROM AFAR.”

CRAXAES 

THE DEAD BEAT DEMON DAD

”WHO ELSE IS GONNA PROTECT ME IF YOU’RE GONE?”

ADRIAN CRAXAES

THE DEMON LITTLE BROTHER

Trigger Warning: Religious themes, gore, murder, violence, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism, demons, blood,  self hatred, cannibal tendencies in flashbacks, child neglect, ptsd, self neglect, imprisonment, torture, consumption of other demons,  more warnings to follow

GIFs at the top are just meant for visuals. Reader doesn’t look like Wanda, she looks like you. Craxaes is a demon and you don’t need to look like his. That is simple the human form he chose.

[shaylogic]

Charles being caught in the Devlin House loop was an allegory for the literal cycle of abuse

[vizual-static]

Oooo I like this. At first, I didn’t think Edwin would have this kind of reaction to Charles’s giggle since I’d think any version of Charles’s voice and laugh would be familiar and comforting– that’d it be so far from the demonic screeching in Edwin’s memory that the association would never happen.

But this grew on me the more I thought about it. I like the idea that with the heightened nerves of a first kiss (undead heart racing, breath catching, ghostly knees going weak) the wires get crossed just enough for the usually lovely stimuli to be triggering. Edwin’s already balanced on that sympathetic knife’s edge, full of a billion phantom body cues that have only ever read as danger danger danger for the vast majority of his afterlife, so it’s understandable that his body has some trouble recontextualizing them for safety and pleasure now. Instead, in the overwhelming fight-or-flight of it all, Charles’s familiar laugh, hitched up in a way Edwin’s never had the privilege of hearing before, is just foreign enough to tip him from delight into panic in that moment.

There’s a post I keep bumping into about Charles giggling after kissing Edwin for the first time and it’s very cute and sweet but I am an angst monster by nature so I have to point out

That giggling is a rather charged concept around these parts.

So please imagine, for me, that post’s evil opposite:

Charles’s lips slowly, lingeringly slide away from Edwin’s, even as nearly all of the rest of them is still pressed together, as their noses still brush against each other, their eyes open now and locked onto each other and it’s almost too much. And Charles feels so heady, almost dizzy, lighter than he’s felt since the run-in with an anti-grav spell in 2007, and the lightness bubbles out of him in a giggle so strong it curls him downwards a little, towards Edwin, and -

And Edwin curls back. Charles’s eyes are pointed down, now, but he can see Edwin’s feet caught between freezing and running, leaving him stumbling backwards right through the desk and Charles reaches for him to catch him before he trips through the wall, but Edwin jerks away from his hand and through the wallpaper and brick.

Charles darts after him, and Edwin’s landed on the fire escape, thank fuck, not that he could be hurt by the fall but it’s the spirit of the thing. Charles crouches down as far from Edwin’s supine body as he can get, on the tiny landing.

He can see Edwin’s face clearly enough now to know that Edwin isn’t here with him, he’s staring up through the dark sky to somewhere else, somewhere that’s… that’s the other direction. He doesn’t reach out to touch him, yet, knowing that he needs to make sure Edwin’s close enough to here to realize it’s him, first, and actually after what just happened maybe even then…

“Edwin? You all right, mate? Sorry for - scaring you.”

He’s not quite sure what he did. He’d just kissed him, and he’d thought Edwin wanted it, had asked first with his words and everything. He’s pretty sure this hadn’t happened when Edwin kissed Monty, which means he did something wrong and he doesn’t know what. He’d just kissed Edwin and then Edwin ran away from him.

Edwin’s still staring up without moving his body but his eyes twitched towards Charles, for just a split second, when Charles spoke, which means he’s not as far away as he sometimes gets. “Edwin, I don’t wanna touch you ‘cause that kinda ended badly, last time, like, you just went through a wall, but you’re pretty close to the edge, there. Can you come a little closer this way, maybe? Just roll over a bit?”

Edwin’s eyes don’t move or focus any but he shakes his head, barely, jerkily, which is huge, it means Edwin can actually hear him.

“Okay. I’ll just stay here, then. We can just wait, okay? I’ll make sure you don’t fall. I won’t touch you, don’t worry.”

Edwin’s head jerks, again, and Charles almost pulls in a breath. Does Edwin not want him to stay?

But then Edwin moves his hand, which is downright incredible, Edwin’s hardly ever able to move that much this soon other than running, and Charles is so impressed it takes a second to realize that Edwin’s hand is blindly reaching out for his own, and he puts his hand in it automatically like he does anything else Edwin reaches out for.

Edwin’s forehead is deeply creased, like he’s trying really hard to do something, and he’s squeezing Charles’s hand like it’s all that’s keeping him from falling off the fire escape.

“Wasn’t you,” Edwin gets out, and Charles is amazed again, that Edwin was able to talk so soon. “Or. Not… wasn’t the…” He pauses for a while. “The osculation.” Charles almost laughs. Trust Edwin to come up with a ten dollar word when he can barely talk. Edwin waves their joined hands. “It was. Giggle. Sorry.”

Oh. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. He knew that. He knew that. He’s known for decades that Edwin doesn’t do dolls and doesn’t do giggling and doesn’t do a few other things, and he’s been careful, and he even knows now why, heard the damn sound himself, he knows better. Why the fuck had he - because yeah, Edwin’s been a lot better about that one, and hasn’t freaked out this badly about it in ages, but they just got back from Hell a couple months ago and also Edwin would be, like, vulnerable, just then, and - how had he forgotten.

Edwin’s hand squeezes his somehow even tighter, holding on, and Charles realizes he was starting to pull it away. “Glad you were happy.” Edwin breathes for a moment from the effort of saying that many words, then continues, “That’s good, Charles. It’s good.”

They sit, quietly, for several minutes, until Edwin’s eyes focus a little, still glazed but not blind, and his head turns towards Charles. “Kiss me again?”

Charles laughs, and this time it’s an actual laugh, quiet but not high, not like that damned spider. “Maybe we wait until you’re able to enjoy it all the way, yeah? But then,” he looks up to the sky where Edwin’s eyes had been resting, at the flushing sunrise, and then back down at Edwin. “But then we can kiss all you want. For the rest of forever.”

And Edwin smiles up at him, and jogs their hands, and he feels light again, like he’s gonna float right off into the sunrise.

[ethan-elliott]

chapter two is updated now!!

fandom: Dead Boy Detectives

pairing: Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland

warnings: grief/mourning, PTSD, panic attacks, flashbacks, vomiting, crying, implied attempted SH, slight internalised ableism, discussions of hell

excerpt:

“It was similar to the feeling he had that connected him to Charles, but whereas that felt like his whole being was attuned to the other boy’s presence, this was more akin to the sharp pull of Despair’s hook, lodging tight in his chest and guiding him through the more unkempt part of the grounds. Here, the grass was taller, weeds growing almost as high as his knees - dandelions, he realised, the thought piercing through the haze in his mind long enough for him to reach out a trembling hand and pick a few, yellow and white alike. He remembered the old superstition of making a wish as one blew on the seeds, but he doubted anyone would answer, and that strange force yanked at him again, so he continued forward with the flowers clenched in his hand.”

[deadboydetectives-ao3feed]

by khorazir

The Dead Boy Detectives are approached by the Wee Free Men to help them find their missing home and family. Whatever could go wrong with a case involving a bunch of blue pictsies and a visit to the picturesque South Downs? Sounds like a job easily jobbed, right? Things take a turn to the strange, however, when the old magic of the landscape begins to work its spell. Crystal discovers new things about her powers. The boys are forced to be more open with each other about their respective takes on their developing relationship and the direction it’s going. Charles has some success in the figuring-things-out-department. And with the pictsies being able to go literally anywhere, could they possibly help locate Niko, wherever she is – and even bring her back?

Series: Part 2 of Figuring Out The Rest

Words: 39,737, Chapters: 5/8, Language: English

Fandoms: Dead Boy Detectives (TV)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Charles Rowland (DCU), Crystal Palace (DCU), Niko Sasaki, Kingham and Litty | The Dandelion Sprites, Nac Mac Feegle, Night Nurse (DCU), Cat King (Dead Boy Detectives), Monty (Dead Boy Detectives)

Relationships: Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland, Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne & Crystal Palace & Charles Rowland & Niko Sasaki, Cat King & Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Monty & Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne

Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flirting, Developing Relationship, Charles is still figuring things out, First Kiss, Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne Has PTSD, Bringing Niko back, GNU Terry Pratchett, Sussex, South Downs, Folklore, Don't copy to another site, Idiots in Love, Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, BAMF Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Protective Charles Rowland (DCU), Tolkien References, Lord of the Rings, Smart Charles Rowland, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Crystal Palace (DCU), Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne & Crystal Palace Friendship, BAMF Crystal Palace (DCU), Fencer Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne

*This work is only available to registered users of ao3. It was posted manually by the mod at the author's request.