#chaos gremlin God

[spanishyumejoshi]

I watched all of my adventures with superman and I got some New f/os hehe

[demaparbat-hp]

Thinking of how a birthday party on the ship with the 41st would look like 🧐?

This is why they never get anything done.

[spanishyumejoshi]

My girlfriend ennui and my crush Mister Mxyzptlk? 👀

I’ve made this rb game in the past, but I wanna do it again! Reblog with an F/O (or more than one!), and I’ll give them a Pokémon!

Examples:

[aro-in-danyl]

Alastor as a "Gift from God" AU

Inspired by the TV Show Lucifer. I could not get this idea out of my head so into the tumblr void it goes.

Edit: PART 2 up now.

----------------------

Sera could count on one hand the number of times the Almighty personally called for her. And every single one before was the precursor to some disaster or threat.

She was confused when she was beckoned past the throne room, away from the meeting rooms, and into the Almighty's workshop. There was no dust or cobwebs for God would not allow it, but it was known among the higher-ups that The Almighty had not had the motivation for creation in eons.

"The screams of the damned awoke me today," God's many hands reached out from their ineffable form to grasp jars and potions of dubious origins.

Sera stiffened. "I thought you could not see into Lucifer's domain."

She had not dared to think she could hide the First Extermination from The Almighty's gaze but she'd hoped she have more time.

"Never before today have souls perished a second time." God collected more vials and instruments that Sera could not for the life of her understand the purpose of.

"Such fear," and they sounded sad, "over the birth of one child."

The Anti-Christ, Lucifer's daughter was more than just a simple baby. Her parents had hidden her for decades, but the change in their attitude was noticeable even before her existence was made known to heaven. Lucifer again grew bolder and more fanatical with his ideas and Lilith-

If they'd only known sooner.

Silence passed as God worked. Sera kept her head bowed so she could not see what was being created. But they did not demand she stop the exterminations, and that was enough for her to finally raise her head and peak at The Almighty's first creation in centuries.

A soul. Or what would become one soon enough.

Her curiosity finally broke through. "You have not crafted a soul by hand since-" She cut herself off. No need to push her luck.

"This soul is a gift." They said. And they began to spin the soul threads together, "They will be an equal. Unchanging. Dynamic. Static. Chaotic." With every word a new thread merged with the steadily-brightening soul.

"A defender. An assailant...An Avenger."

With the final word of God, the soul was finished. But, barring the confusion of all those conflicting traits, Sera was caught up on the first sentence of this new soul's purpose.

"A gift to who?"

God did not answer. But that left her with another more pressing question.

"The creation of a new soul is a breath-taking experience to witness," she began carefully, "But why have you called me here?"

In answer, God reached behind themselves to a corner that Sera had not paid attention to and pulled out the tip of a spear. One from Adam's exorcists.

She tensed as God held it up to the fragile new soul. Angelic steel was crafted solely to bring death to the damned. To souls. Was this her punishment? To bear witness to the creation of life, of potential goodness, only to watch it be snuffed out before it even had a chance?

God pressed the spear to the soul, "Your Exorcists should take heed," the spear stabbed into the soul and Sera couldn't help but cry out in despair. But the soul did not whither or fade. She watched as the spear tip was catapulted away at lightning speed, burying itself in the wall across from them.

"And avoid his attention."

[blue-mood-blue]

Danmei Faves Meet Chopped: The Thought Experiment

(with the caveat that I have not read All The Danmei so actually this is “a limited selection of danmei faves” meet chopped) (also as of their official translations, no spoilers pls)

The Contestants:

1) Xie Lian

Pros: There is not one single thing that you could put into a basket that this man would be intimidated by. Not a single thing. He will cook anything that you hand to him, and be delighted to do so. You cannot phase him with unlikely ingredients or conflicting flavor profiles, he has risen above these concerns. He is smiling at everything he pulls out of the basket and probably scaring the other contestants in the process.

Cons: He might kill someone. Not on purpose. He will be out after round one, guaranteed, once the medics standing by in case of cuts intervene for a severe case of “all the judges are now poisoned.” Filming will probably have to stop so ambulances can be called. The crew generously allows him to take his leftovers with him.

2) Wei Wuxian

Pros: He is going to pack so much flavor in every bite! Every single bite! This man knows and embraces spice, and no one will be able to tell him that his meal is bland or underseasoned! Chili oil all over the damn plate!

Cons: The flavor is pain, he’s used every pepper the pantry has, and if he makes it to round two it’s only because of Xie Lian accidentally unleashing the horrors in round one.

3) Mo Ran

Pros: He’s a good cook! He makes a variety of dishes, and he’s gotten used to adjusting recipes for specific preferences. He’s well-traveled so it’s likely he’s encountered many ingredients and had practice in a variety of conditions, which is good experience to have in this competition. He’s been doing his best to be on his best behavior, but heaven help anyone who monopolizes the fryer.

Cons: Again - he’s been on his best behavior, but that’s really for one person who is not currently in the kitchen. He also only really cooks for one person, who has particular tastes.

4) Luo Binghe

Pros: Also a good cook! He, too, has a range of dishes he knows how to prepare, with years of practice going back (probably) as far as his adoption in his early childhood. He is well-traveled as well, with such exciting and… unique locales such as Hell Dimension (aka Endless Abyss) where he probably had to make… questionable culinary choices, so he probably won’t be thrown by whatever’s in the basket.

Cons: There’s a non-zero chance that there’s blood in the food.

(Of this particular line-up, I think it would come down to Mo Ran vs. Binghe for the dessert round, which will be a close call - they both have experience with desserts, I imagine, but I think Mo Ran might have a slight advantage considering Chu Wanning’s sweet tooth. He’s made a lot of sweets and more often. Also, can Binghe lean on a “protagonist halo” when Mo Ran is the protagonist of his own story?)

(Assuming the final round doesn’t devolve into chaos and sabotage, which… is very, very possible.)

The Non-Contestants:

Hua Cheng: Could he do well on chopped? Almost certainly. But why would he? He is here to cheer on gege.

Lan Wangji: Would probably actually do better than Wei Wuxian, if he cooks the meal to Wei Wuxian’s taste - I feel like he would be a little more sparing with the spice. Otherwise, his food is probably too bland for the judges.

Chu Wanning: He has one good dish, and it’s [redacted]. He could last a round but after that he’s probably out. He will do his best. He will not look like he is panicking (he is panicking).

Shen Qingqiu: A millennial who choked to death on bad food and rage. He probably has limited kitchen skills, but beyond the powers of having a microwave? Who knows.

Bonus Round:

Li Yu: He would try so hard. He would put every bit of skill he had on the table. He does not have any skill to put on the table. Do not put a fish in his basket, do not do this to him.

Mu Tianchi: Probably wouldn’t even compete. He’s going to steal Li Yu’s food from the judges. How dare they.

Chang Geng: He could probably do well in the competition, if he could be convinced to compete, but he probably couldn’t. He is smiling very politely at the producer, who is feeling a chill down their spine and backing away slowly.

Gu Yun: Do not let this man in the kitchen, he will cause problems on purpose.

[transplant01]

Y’all, this is such brainrot that I legitimately made a whole au about it and it’s legit only ONE LINE in an episode

But like, Jon used to wander off as a child??? To the point his gran had to threaten him with borderline house arrest and neighbors had to return him?? What Was He Getting Up To? I have to know. Not to mention do you know how much CHAOS that could cause for the Archives Crew???

Like, Jon was in his office five min ago. Martin saw him. He never left. Yet, they open the door and no one is there.

They look up and a tile is missing on the ceiling. He got distracted, and had to know what was up there. No one can figure out EXACTLY how he managed to get all the way in there but soon a dusty, insulation covered Archivist is borderline falling out of the ceiling

[frnkiebby]

i can’t be mad about the stupid wide tie if i can’t see the wide tie, right?~🎃

[ode-to-fury]

Friendship Astarion is so important to me. Like I know everyone is horny for the sassy elf but like… what if he learned to care for someone without sex? What if he tried to manipulate Tav into bed and they told him no? And then… kept being nice to him? Kept taking care of him and expecting the same in return? What if he doesn’t have to fall in love to realise he wants to live a life where he cares about things and makes his own decisions? What if he tells them about how he used his body anyway? What if they tell him he never has to again? What if they hug him and expect nothing back? What if they put their head on his shoulder and nothing else? What if, for the first time in 200 years, he felt safe enough to joke and laugh and not put on a show because it’s obvious they don’t feel that sort of attraction to him anyway? What if he just had a best friend?

[sapphicseasapphire]

Wild: collects and boards shiny things

Time's eye: is an aforementioned shiny thing

Is this problematic?

Haha. Yeah.

[theaviatorthatcouldnotfly]

GOODBYE

[lepusrufus]

Me (Moira), hyperventilating, cursing up a storm, popping Coal, desperately looking for the rest of the enemies, clutching my mouse like I'm Tom finally catching Jerry: Now why the fuck would you do THAT?!?

My friend (Ana), who nanoed me out of the blue: But look you secured point :3

[memento-morri-writes]

This is far from my best work, but it's 1:30am, and I needed to get this down before I slept or lost my mind. So here, take a snippet of Rook seeing Zara again for the first time in 3 years.

Trying, and failing, to keep his voice from shaking, [Rook] said “Hello, Captain.” Mouth still open in surprise, [Zara] replied “Well, hello yourself.” The reality of what she was seeing seemed to hit her as she rounded the desk. “Rook, is that really you?” He nodded. “It’s me.” Zara ran towards him, stopping just short of touching him, and said “What did she do to you?” Rook’s heart stuttered and he had to brush his fingers together to confirm Sigmar’s ring was still in place. Could she possibly see through its illusion? But then he remembered what Lanny had said. She knew where you were. His throat clenched and he choked out “Two years.” A wave of grief swept across Zara’s face as she said “I’m so, so sorry.” Rook shook his head vigorously. “It’s not your fault.” Zara ignored him. “It is my fault. I failed you. As your captain, it’s my responsibility to keep you safe, and I failed you.” Rook wanted to say something, to reassure her, but she pushed on. “She sent me letters, told me all the terrible things she was doing to you. I… I let you down.” Those words hit Rook with the force of a dozen cannonballs. Lanny had said that Zara knew Wolf had him, but knowing that Zara had been aware of what Wolf was doing to him… somehow that was more painful than any wound Wolf had ever inflicted. He barely managed to force his next words out around the lump in his throat. “Where were you?” And why didn’t you come? “She said she’d kill you if I came to get you. Or if I hired anyone to get you. You’re standing here because I stopped sailing.” 

(honorary one-time tag for @space-writes bc I remember you enjoyed my other bits about Rook and Zara.)

[coconut530]

HE HAS RETURNED TO US

[betweenlands]

i think someone needs to lock squiddo and forgelabs in a room to see what kind of entirely new backstabbing gremlin behavior heretofore unthinkable by mankind might pupate out of the resulting scheme

[stealthnoodle]

Current BG3 bullshit: Dishonour* Mode with SMT's Mothman. The song in the video is "Mothman (YMCA Parody)" by Studio Bunny, which felt right.

*Honour Mode but I choose Continue when I wipe because I've never had a spontaneous bad idea that I didn't relentlessly pursue, and I'm not abandoning that ethos for a mere cheevo

For this run, my terrible son has three guiding principles:

Always choose violence when violence is a dialogue option

When violence is not an option, choose [Intimidation] or at least being a rude little bitch

Ignore anything that is not immediately interesting

Also he's a Durge because of course he is.

Examples of how this has played out include running right past Shadowheart without even looking at her on the ship (she was surprisingly not mad about this later), killing both Astarion and Lae'zel in camp when their actions presented a prompt to do violence, and never recruiting Gale because his hand was so succulent and severable.

He also ran right through the Inquisitor's Chambers in the creche to the Blood of Lathander and never looked back. Githyanki ambush before leaving Act 2 didn't even happen. Just blipped right off their radar. Iconic.

Something new-to-me in this run was discovering that if you start a fight in the grove and subsequently have to kill all the druids, Karlach is REAL MAD, so she never made it into the party. I then decided to tell Minthara an invasion sounded fun, planning to stab her in the back, but it turns out that there's no invasion proper if the druids are dead, so after a long rest she and the goblins had overrun the grove on their own. Wyll never even got a chance to object!

Luckily there was still an [Attack] option when I talked to her, so Mothman got to carry out his cunning scheme, aggroing all the goblins in the grove in the process.

(There's a reason I'm letting myself Continue, and it's that all of Mothman's choices might be politely described as "sub-optimal.")

In this case I didn't even need to, though, because I threw my Spectator-in-a-bottle into the midst of the goblins and it turned out to be a great strat. Spectator killed all the goblins in the area, goblins got Spectator down to single-digit HP on their way out, and Mothman finished it off with a li'l sneak attack.

I love this game.

So long story short, I essentially raided the grove without losing Wyll by doing it in the most ass-backward way possible. Yay?

And it's a good thing I kept him, since Astarion got himself staked early on trying to snack on Mothman, and then Lae'zel had her "we're all infected" freakout in camp, so he and Shadowheart were the only companions still around. Since Lae'zel was the last to go out, I honored her with this hireling homage:

Turns out my biggest challenge on this stupid run has been shopping. Mothman finished Act 1 with zero vendors still alive. Obviously he killed Isobel in Act 2 as soon as his butler offered him a shiny reward for doing so, and he drew his weapon on the Moonrise Tower guards as soon as he met them, so he ended up with a sea of corpses and nobody who would talk to him but Araj Oblodra (an uneasy alliance which ended in Act 3 when she caught him rifling through her stuff and oops there's an [Attack] response to that).

My second biggest challenge, and what I thought would be my run-ender, was fucking Myrkul. Did I jump down the big hole without adequately prepping? Yes. Did I forget the single-use healing pod near the boss isn't actually a long rest and doesn't restore abilities or short rests? Yes. Did I have a very stupid loadout for a boss I have fought at least five times now? Also yes. After I had to hit Continue for a fourth time, I began to despair. Had the single save file cooked me?

It had not! I just needed to ferment the perfect cheese.

I wish I had screencaps of this bullshit but I was too frustrated to remember to take them by the time I figured this out, lolsob. If you are stuck in a hole with Ketheric Thorm and short on options, here is your ticket out:

You can get a surprise round, thank you Invisibility. One good sneak attack with Cull the Weak can take out the mindflayer.

Shadowheart's reward spear for killing the Nightsong lets you cast Shar's Darkness as an action as often as you like. If you cast it around your party from way back near the entrance, Ketheric becomes confused and does not summon more necromites. He just stands on the platform and yells. Old Man Yells at Cloud, literally.

Once you have slowly chipped his health away without expending resources, your biggest problem is that you have mostly piddling attacks, and Myrkul has a big health pool and can heal himself. OR CAN HE?

Bro can't see shit in the dark. Drop darkness centered on him and he gets blinded. His necromite snacks can run up to him, but he can't see them to gobble them up.

Do damage as fast as you can with whatever you have. Throw shit. Read scrolls. Give the magic spear to Skyrim Mod Lae'zel to handle Darkness from a distance and park Shadowheart up on Myrkul's ass with Spirit Guardians. Make Wyll summon Connor over and over to distract Myrkul from hitting her.

CONGRATULATIONS, you've spent half your Saturday on this.

Things got better in Act 3. Mothman can't have beef with every vendor in the city at once.

But you know what he can have? Specific, stupid beef with Gortash.

This keeps happening.

Also I can't believe I pulled that off without wiping even once. (The game crashed three times because my bell tower ladder strats were too elite, but I finally found a compromise that didn't make the game shit itself while I slogged through the fight. With only three party members, because I didn't have anything to make Wyll fly and couldn't be bothered with shopping. The only survivor of my nonsense was Skyrim Mod Lae'zel, who chugged an invisibility potion and climbed down vines to escape. Still!)

A funny consequence of my timing was that Mizora showed up in camp the night Gortash kicked the bucket and did her usual "I'll tell you where to find your dad in exchange for your soul" spiel, so I thought, well, let's see how that works out for us. Wyll, sell your soul. Again.

(I would feel worse about putting Wyll through that on top of everything else he's suffered this game, but look. He stayed in the party. His approval is HIGH. Somehow. He is Mothman's little Mothstan. This is what it's like on the dark side, buddy.)

The answer is that I got a quest maker for the sub that goes to the Iron Throne, but obviously the sub is not there, because Gortash is dead. "Sorry, Wyll, guess you sold your soul for nothing!" is what I would have said, except when I went down for my next long rest, the Duke popped out of thin air next to Mizora. As you can see in the video, he didn't quite have his being-alive-legs yet, but he figured out how to stand up in the morning. So I did his Wyrmway quest. As a treat.

Anyway, now Mothman just needs to beat up his sister with his cool Slayer form that he loves to pop as often as possible, and then he's off to the endgame! I expect everyone will be shocked when he takes control of the Netherbrain even though he's been loudly and proudly making his intentions known all game.

I'll close this out by saying that I let the randomizer make me a guardian again, and I forgot what it made until I was surprised and delighted by sexy facetats Santa:

[melodiclune]

Me when I saw your ask box is back open :)

(This one even freaks me out quite a bit too so sorry for the jumpscare lmao)

Me: My ask box is back open, be kind to me pls

Chen: Does the exact opposite and somehow shows me the worst plushie she's ever found and I've ever seen

WHY IS HE SMILING LIKE THAT. HOLY SHIT. THE JUMPSCARE ABSOLUTELY SENT ME HELPPP