#changing the entire nature of the planet in two and a half 2-second scenes and for what?

[jewishcissiekj]

the lifeless and self-destructive nature of Rattatak...

[loxare]

Ok so it's been a week since I finished Iron Widow and I think my brain has calmed down enough to talk about it without it just being incoherent shrieking

Guys

Guys

Read this book. It is so good. I am not kidding. If you liked Pacific Rim, read this book. (I've never read of seen Handmaid's Tale, but this book is also full of righteous fury about the inbuilt misogyny of the world it's set in, so read it if you like that.) Just do it. Go. And then come scream at me about it cause I wanna hear that

More Thoughts under the cut cause those are a bit spoilery

I have never read a book with such a feral, unhinged protagonist. Wu Zetian is just such an amazing character. Her murder list starts with one person and once it's empty she is very willing to add to it. She really took one look at the patriarchy and said is anyone going to destroy that and then didn't wait for an answer. She is so incredibly bloodthirsty, but as soon as two (2) entire people showed her love and respect and acceptance, she becomes so soft for them, for a given value of soft. Soft for Zetian is still razor sharp for most people. She changes so much over the book but it's her outlook that changes, as she gains more experience. She is rightfully unwilling to forgive the people who try to hurt and use her and once they fuck up their second chance, that's it. They're gone. It is excellent to read

Li Shimin is such a gift too. Poor baby had such a hard life. He can have a little murder, as a treat. And despite everything! He never gets angry for himself!! He could snap a person in half with his bare hands, and would if they threatened Zetian or Yizhi, but not for his own sake! Deserves the world, deserves happiness, deserves some more self esteem. I keep rereading that scene at the end of their first flight because he's just so shocked and tender and I love it. And the more he learns and the more he finds out that what happened to those girls isn't (entirely) his fault, it's the fault of the systems designed to bleed them dry and he's so furious but still manages to be the least bloodthirsty of the trio

And Gao Yizhi. Absolute sweetheart but I am convinced he's secretly a bastard and I am living for it. He's not even doing a good job of hiding it. Boy knows what he wants and he wants to kiss both his sexy roommates. He kinda takes a side seat, both metaphorically and also literally in the Chrysalis, to the other two for this book but in the sequel he is absolutely going to shine, calling it now (sequel announcement when??). He showed a little of that near the end of the book and it is going to be amazing

And the plot is so amazing. Just. Farm girl plans to avenge sister's murder by killing the murderer could be an entire novel by itself, and has been the plot of a few very good books, but the resolution for that comes in the first hundred pages, and there's more plot after than! And there's also giant robots fighting equally giant monsters thrown in! And then the slow progression of Zetian not caring that she was going to die for her actions, to daring people to shoot her because she's valuable now and they can't afford to lose her yet, to doing everything in her power to ensure she and her two boys survive. Survive and also destroy all the systems keeping women down and also maybe the government, another few things which could be entire novels in and of themselves but are so seamlessly woven into this one

I've read a lot of angry literature but this one is the most visceral. It is furious at the state of things and refuses to let them stay as they are. The systems which are inherently unbalanced, designed to be unbalanced, but kept secret so the changes they effect on the female pilots can be written off as natural. "Women aren't as naturally strong. Women don't go into the fields that pay more, or don't do as good of a job, that's why there's a wage gap." The review thingy on the front cover calls this book a primal scream and it is absolutely correct. Reading through it feels like jumping off a cliff, screaming, with a sword pointed at your greatest foe who's on the ground below you, putting not just your entire weight into it but all the force the planet can exert on you, you can't stop, you don't want to stop, and when you land flawlessly you're just breathless with it

Everything I knew about the world I just read changes in the last three or so pages and I am so mad I don't already have the sequel in my hands. I will have to happily settle for rereading this book cover to cover a couple million times until I do. Predictions: Yizhi shows his true bastard side, Shimin gets a fucking break for once in his life, and Zetian kills god

[gaiuswrites]

King of Cups || Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Tower

Archive: ao3 | masterlist | two

Pairing: Din Djarin x fem!Reader

Summary: You’re apart of the Refugee Relief Movement, an intergalactic organization providing aid throughout the systems, and you find yourself assisting at a resettlement camp in Lothal when disaster strikes, changing your life forever, intertwining your path with that of a certain Mandalorian bounty hunter.

Word count: 3.7k~

Rated: Mature

Warnings: descriptive violence, blood/injury mentioning, danger, mature language

Notes: Hi y'all, welcome. This fic is going to be set during Season 2 of The Mandalorian, and will be what I like to call ‘canon adjacent’. ALSo, this chapter is very much so Reader focused, setting up the scene and the general pacing of the story, but naturally, Din will be more and more featured as things progress. I’m a sucker for backstory and a slow burn, so ye be warned. Please feel free to reach out to me. :) I’d love to hear from you lovely little beans. Be safe out there, friends.

Lothal was a planet all too familiar with occupation.

You remember seeing a quote somewhere that read ‘Look no further than Lothal if you want to see what happens when the Empire takes control of an entire world’; and although the Imperial chokehold had loosened when the Empire fell, the planet, even all these years later, still found itself gasping for breath. 

Off world migration from the Core Worlds had been popularized since the expansion of the Imperial government bureaucracy, which brought booming business opportunities for the fortunate few, but as the rich became richer, the poor grew poorer. The Lothalites were forced out of their homes, off their own lands—refugees on their own planet; forced to resettle and relocate with nothing but the clothes on their back and the possessions they could cram into their pockets. The only heirlooms passed on from generation to generation were that of poverty, tall tales of former splendor, and the greatest of ancestral traumas: disillusionment.

The truly desperate turned to crime, and what couldn’t be solved by back-dealings and blaster fire was managed with fear mongering and the bitter flair of xenophobia. There was always a species to blame, and it was always the one who seemed to be doing better off, no matter how slight the margin. 

Greed. Fear. Despair. These are the currencies in which the galaxy trades. 

And so it was then, and continued to be, cycle after cycle. History, always finding clever ways to repeat itself.

On bad days, pollution still loomed heavy over the atmosphere—remnants of the fires from the Imperial occupation still clinging on to Lothal’s weary bones. She had been stripped during that time; gutted and strung up by her feet to dangle from the Empire’s meat hook, exsanguinated slowly, drop by drop, until she had nothing left to give. Her resources and minerals and ore and water and seed, robbed. Pillaged.

She’s free from it now, but the scars remain— the planet remembers. Her people do not forget. Like muscle memory, they all ungulate to this synthesized rhythm they can’t seem to shake, day in and day out, wandering. Forever unsettled.

The planet had always had a diverse population and had become something of a safe haven for other abandoned people fleeing their home worlds, determined to find somewhere - anywhere - for them to survive. Lothal provided that for them. It wasn’t rich or bountiful by any stretch, but it was simple and safe—safe in the way hidden things in plain sight are. One could blend into the crowd of many, unique faces, of all races and backgrounds; you could be anonymous, if you wanted. You could be free.

That’s how you’ve found yourself here in Jortho. You had been with the Refugee Relief Movement for the better part of what felt like forever, and they had transferred you to this planet not six weeks ago. You were out on rotation; the RRM sends someone new twice a cycle for the span of a month or two to varying locations to supply rations, aid with the influx of refugees, organize resettlement lodgings, and generally be of assistance when and where you could. However, your tenure on this temperate planet was coming to a close, and soon you’d be flying back to the headquarters on Coruscant before being bounced to another post somewhere out among the stars. 

You love your job. You know it’s unpopular to say, but you do. It’s fulfilling and impactful and indescribably special. The individuals you meet, the stories you hear, they’re invaluable— priceless and precious, like handmade trinkets crafted by the fingers of a child; you press them all to your heart, holding them there. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t get to you— the weight of it; the plights of all of these people, all of these lives, burdening your conscience. It isn’t always painless— you aren’t immune to it. Even so, on most nights you manage to sleep easy, tucked away aboard the transport freighter you flew in on with the batch of settlers newly assimilated into town knowing Maker, at least you were doing something— anything— everything you could.

And really, to call Jortho a town would be an insult to all towns everywhere—but ‘town’ has a certain charm to it that ‘refugee camp’ simply did not, and it gave the people hope. Pride, even. That they belonged somewhere.

You suppose that’s all anyone wants. To belong. 

A feather soft gust of wind tickles the golden blades of prairie grass as the sun, bleary and tired, starts dipping from the sky. The crickbeets begin their song early, trilling, sensing Lothal’s moons still coyly tucked away, hiding somewhere along the horizon. A smile adorns your face, private and serene, as you bring a bowl of broth up to your lips, humming when the warm liquid meets your tongue. You sigh, contented, taking in the sights before you; how the dusk blurs the aromatic air, making it opaque, the shuttles docked across the way from you casting long purple shadows onto the flat plains, the snowcapped mountains in the distance bordering the cant of the planet’s surface, nestling Jortho in a shallow valley.

You feel calm, at peace, and take another sip.

An easy moment passes, and it’s the last one you get before silence stalks up from behind you.

You don’t notice it at first, like any patient predator, it goes undetected: the white noise, the nothingness— until finally, you do and then suddenly it’s everywhere. On top of you. Smothering you. Goosebumps stipple your skin and you bristle. The insects have stopped chirping. The breeze has stilled. The air hangs dead. 

And then—

Chaos.

You’re hit with a blast of crushing heat, the sheer power of it picking you up off your feet and onto your side, sending your body careening into a nearby structure. Your shoulder takes most of the blow, but your neck still snaps backwards unnaturally, the back of your head colliding with the stone wall behind you with a dull thwack. You let out a groaned cry at the impact, the wind knocked out of your lungs as you crumple to the ground.

For an instant, your vision goes white, stars popping and fusing out in front of your pupils, and it’s like you can feel everything and nothing all at once, hollow but overwhelmed, and all you want to do is close your eyes and drift asleep— Maker that would feel like a luxury, just right here on the damn dirt. And you almost do, you almost let yourself slip under and sink— until you hear a piercing scream from somewhere close. 

Immediately your eyes shoot open, desperately blinking away the blurriness that threatens to over take them, and you try pushing yourself up by the heels of your scraped hands, failing once - twice - before finding your footing. You’re shaky at first, uncoordinated and dizzy and redownloading bipedalism, before that sweet drug of adrenaline starts to course through your veins and finally, finally, you take in your surroundings. 

The ships that once stood across the field are gone, obliterated, and in their place only metal ribcages remain—empty carcasses like dead birds splayed on their backsides, imploded from the inside out, their bits strewn all around you. 

Your breathing comes hard and heavy, fighting down panic, and cloudy eyes search through the thick black smoke billowing up in stacks, trying to pin point the source of the scream you’d heard just moments ago. You cough a strained wheeze, sputtering against the charred air, and wade your way through the debris— it’s only then that you realize the magnitude of the explosion. It’s not just the landing bay, it’s half the kriffing village. The buildings that neighbored the airfield had been decimated, burning roofs and crumbling fixtures, homes collapsing onto themselves, scorch marks and shrapnel branding the outsides of the shanties left standing.

It looks like a battlefield. You’ve seen holovids of this—what war can look like, how it can ruin a people… But you’ve never had to stand in the middle of it, head on. 

Your heart drums against your chest as you break into a hobbled run, desperately scanning the area for any signs of life, up and down, left and right, straining against the waning daylight. It’s then that you hear your name, urgent and frantic, and you whip your head in it’s direction, knees nearly buckling in relief. You immediately recognize your friend Hareem, brandishing her arms at you, waving you over to her. 

“Thank the Maker, you’re alright!” the Balosar cries out, trembling hands finding purchase on your shoulders, bracing you. You don’t know if its for your benefit or her own, but either way you’re grateful for the grounding pressure; for the first time since the initial blast, you feel solid, like you won’t just float away, atomized and weightless. Worried, you look her over. A sliver of fresh scarlet blooms from her scalp, a small line trickling down past her temple, but she otherwise looks relatively unharmed. You grasp onto her wrist, squeezing firmly.

“What the hell happened?” You ask, voice low and pitched, wide fearful eyes drilling into her.

“T-There was a man-” And she shakes her head, mouth clamping shut, deep wrinkles framing her face.

“Hareem,” you reassure, giving her another squeeze. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.

She tries again with a steadying inhale, “I-I saw him. A-a man. He had a device with him, and he set charges, and Maker I don’t know— I don’t know— it went off a-and he ran towards the center of town!” The Balosar is in hysterics, tears spilling down her dirty cheeks, and it takes your brain a moment to catch up, to wrap your mind around the words she’s stuttering out. 

A man. 

Device. 

Charges.

A bomb. This wasn’t an accident; this was an attack—and he’s still kriffing here. You cup her cheeks, thumbs rubbing against the pale skin, smearing away the blood that’s nearly dripped to her chin. Your friend’s gaze is flighty, everywhere and nowhere, and you try giving her a smile, but you’re not quite sure you manage it.

“Hareem? Hareem. Hey, shh, you’re okay. You’re alright…” You peel your eyes off her to glance around hurriedly. “We need to find cover.”

///

You’re holed up in one of the few remaining homes on this side of the encampment, crowded into the small space with three other survivors. All four of you, packed in and silent and petrified. Unsure of any further threat, you stay completely still. Helpless. Laying here, idle, for whatever awaits you behind that feeble, wooden door. You feel like prey for the wicked, just passing the time.

Minutes inch along like this—or maybe its hours; time moves eerily different when you’re attempting to become invisible—and eventually, you almost begin to relax.

Almost.

But a new sound breaks the din, hard to recognize at first, indistinct from all the commotion outside their hut, but you hear it. You all do. The youngest of you, a teenaged Devaronian, grips onto the hem of your shirt, knuckles creasing with anticipation. You tense, spine going rigid. Footsteps. They’re slow, guarded, but they’re getting closer. You bring an arm up, for all the good it’ll do, creating a human shield in front of the boy at your side. Closer. Someone behind you muffles a whimper. Closer. A Bardottan you hadn’t even met until today let’s out the faint whisper of a prayer, lips barely ghosting over the phrases. Closer- 

and then, nothing.

They’re here. You can sense him, see his shadow sweep across the gaps in the entryway. You all hold your breath, as if the air is being syphoned out of the space… And the door is flung open, nearly breaking off it’s hinges as it slams into the inside of the house, shuttering the rickety walls with a jarring bang. 

You don’t know who looks more astonished: you four, or the Mandalorian before you, dripping head to toe in silver plated armor, pointing a blaster directly at your head.

“Where is he?” He asks, hard edged and modulated, and it’s more of a demand than a question—but he lowers his weapon all the same, holstering it at his side. You gape at him, guppying wordlessly. “Volcur X’elo. The bomber. Where?” He hasn’t moved an inch out of the doorframe but he’s still managing to loom over you, completely filling up the archway, shoulders set and impossibly intimidating.

You gulp, finally finding your voice. “In town, i-in the center of town…” Kriff, you had not idea if that intel was good or not, but it’s all you think to say. Seeming satisfied with your answer he turns on his booted heel, cape whipping behind him, leaving just as soon as he arrived. The dust barely has time to settle as the door teeter’s on its hinge, its rusty squeaks filling the void in the Mandalorian’s wake.

“Fuck,” you hiss, exhaling a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, doubling forward, propping your palms up on your knees.

///

After deliberating it with your group, you all come to the agreement of braving it outside. Better to be out under the open sky than die under a concaving apartment, clambering over each other to get to the exit. After all this, at least your dignity was still partially in tact— normally, you reckon you’d chuckle dryly at that. But you don’t. 

Can’t. 

You lead the pack through the mazelike streets. The sights that once seemed so familiar after weeks of living here become like strangers to you, and you sleepwalk through Jortho, snaking down paths marred by rubble and fallen wreckage— you haven’t seen any bodies, but maybe that isn’t true. Maybe you’re just too scared to notice them. Maybe they’re there, hovering just outside of your peripherals, haunting the corners of your vision… 

You keep your head fixed forward, jaw clenched.

Your feet move on their own like this, only vaguely aware that the red-skinned boy still hadn’t let go of your tunic. You forge on. Have to. You have to. Your only purpose on this kriffing planet was to help these people, to bring them aid, and if that means simply planting one foot in front of the other, then so be it. You take side alleys, double backing here and there, ducking under canopies, looping around yourself, only stopping when you catch a glimpse of beskar, the orange setting sun glinting off the surface of his helmet.

And he’s not alone.

You freeze suddenly, as do the rest, and the Devaronian bumps into you, stumbling under his lanky legs. Some paces in front of you, the bounty hunter has the other man, this Volcur X’elo, by a punishing grip on his shoulders, shoving him forcefully out in front of him; his wrists are bound and he’s fitful without the stabilization of his arms, his feet staccatoed and flailing wildly beneath him as the Mandalorian marches him forward. 

The wind shifts, and on it you can hear the bomber rant madly, only catching snippets of the vile nonsense that spews from him.“- like swine, they are a plague to the system! And they must be purged from this planet, and the next, and the next— every last filthy one!” You spare a glance to Hareem, to find her watching the scene in hypnotized horror, but your eyes snap back at the sound of something maniacal, drawing your attention. It’s laughter. The zealot begins to laugh a twisted, mocking cry that makes you want to vomit. “You might have me in binders Mandalorian, but you’re too late. You’re too late. This isn’t over!” He’s practically giggling, gleeful and demented. Disturbed. “You’ve only found one.”

Your blood runs cold. 

Only one? Oneoneoneone, one what-

The realization hits you with a punch to your gut. He’s only detonated one of his bombs. Somewhere, nearby, there must be another.

Without another word, the Mandalorian whips the smaller man around, pulling him sharply by his collar to collide with his breastplate, completely dwarfing him with his beskar frame. “Where is it, X’elo?” Nothing. Only laughter. High pitched, terrible roars. He tries again, patience ebbing. “The bomb. Now.” X’elo’s head tilts back and he howls another crowing shriek, keeping private his own sick joke, as if clutching a secret to his chest with slimy hands. 

The bounty hunter had heard enough. He clearly wasn’t getting anything more out of him, and with a quick strike, he rears his blaster and pistol whips the terrorist with it. The body drops. Volcur X’elo crumples, unconscious, blood streaming from where he was struck. You hear the Bardottan behind you stifle a cry with her fist. 

And with that, Lothal’s sun disappears completely, stealing away the last of it’s light as it furls into itself, shrinking out of sight. The dark ushers a new wave of dread, creeping over Jortho like a miasma, poisoning the very air.

The Mandalorian wheels around, searching for his heading in the labyrinth of the town. Others have gathered now, poking their heads around corners, stealing glimpses through windows. He turns, his head on a swivel. “Where is your power generator?” he demands, addressing the small crowd, but you’re all too stunned to speak. “Anybody. Generator. Now.” There’s something new in his voice, something muddled, and it takes you a moment to interpret it. It’s desperation, you realize, tinny and deep through his vocoder, and with a surge of adrenaline you move forward, furthering yourself from your group. You swallow. “I-Its this way.” Upon hearing your voice, he spins around, his visor latching on to you, and with a nod you both set out. 

“Watch him,” the Mandalorian growls past his shoulder, stepping over the bounty’s limp body.

///

You’re still not really sure how he knew where it’d be, you wonder to yourself, gravel crunching under foot as you both trudge on, an eery quiet settling over them. You’d say it was a lucky hunch, but judging by the way the Mandalorian carries himself, you doubt luck had much to do with it. 

You had led him to the power generator hub on the other side of the sad excuse for a city, traveling in tense silence, and when you came upon that tall, bulky machine he sprang into action, circling it until he found what he was looking for. The bomb. You stood back, rooted there, and after some grunting and rewiring— or maybe he just hacked at it with a vibroblade, you had no idea; his wide frame engulfed his work and you couldn’t tell what he was up to, all you knew was that his methods proved successful— the man managed to disarm the second device. You had thought you noticed his shoulders release, slumping with relief, after the red flashing lights on the rudimentary interface flickered and then went dark.

And so here you are. The two of you, bathed in the bright light of Lothal’s twin moons, their bellies hanging full in the blue-black night, illuminating the trail of blood staining the dirt beneath your boots as the Mandalorian roughly drags the body by his ankle behind him— through the exploded rubble, through the fragmented lives of the people around you, already displaced and estranged. They’ll all have to move, you think, pack up their lives, or what little is left of them, and relocate. Again. The thought sinks in you like a stone, sobering you. 

Even with the weight of a fully grown man to lug, the bounty hunter is still a few long strides in front of you and your eyes are trained on the unconscious form, taking in the way his mouth lolls open like an animal, his hair matted with thick blood, eyes rolled back into his head. You’re talking out loud before you even realize it.

“How sick do you have to be,” you mumble, transfixed. Your voice, it’s not angry; no, shock has effectively robbed you of that— it’s not anger, but bewilderment. Quivering, broken bewilderment.

“H-How hoodwinked and warped you’d have to be, how disturbed... For you to think like that. To do all... all this...” 

“Hey,” his gruff voice shakes you from your trance, and you blink up at him, tearing your eyes off the body. “Focus,” he urges, and you can only nod dumbly back at him, suddenly feeling a ripple of nausea slither through you.

The ramp to his ship is lowering as they come upon it and you plant yourself at the base, feet seeming to stop on their own accord, and frankly you’re not really sure why you’ve even followed him this far in the first place— always a step behind him as he hauled his bounty all the way through the vestiges of Jortho, across the arid prairie to where he first touched down. Maybe it’s because you feel untethered, unmoored, and all of his steeled surety is like a lighthouse, a beacon, guiding you away from the rocks. 

He heaves X’elo up the ramp and you’re left standing there, staring unseeingly into the durasteel, becoming more and more aware of the ringing in your ears. The longer time passes, the more it’s as if you’re underwater, the background blurring into the foreground, sound gargled and far away. A high pitched buzz pinches your ear drums, and it takes you a moment to realize the Mandalorian is calling out to you, trying to get your attention.

“— Dala.”

Does he sound annoyed? Kriff, you think he might... If you had your wits about you, you might be able to recognize it. But as it stands, you don’t. You’re not here, not all of you. You’re splintered. Suspended.

“Hmm? Sorry, what..?” Your mouth is as dry as Jakku— parched desert tongue darting across your cracked lip, tasting soot and ash and something metallic. Brow furrowed, you touch a shaky finger to the flesh and when you pull it back, crimson red dots your skin. 

Oh, you think, numb. Huh. 

Your eyes skitter back up to the Mandalorian, towering over you, nearly at the apex of the incline, and his stance is broad and his fists are clenched. You’re almost positive he’s glaring down at you through his visor, and you don’t even know the man, can’t even see his damn face, but you can tell he’s peeved— Maker, just how long had you been ignoring him?

A scratched noise comes through his helmet’s vocoder and his next words are clipped, punctuated. “I said, do you have a way off this skug hole?”

[greensaplinggrace]

What Is There To Celebrate About the Darkling? (Part 4)

1 2 3 4

He’s calculating but impulsive. Gentle yet firm. Stubborn and adaptive. Just a real mess of contradictions that makes him all the more interesting.

He loves nature. He loves the forest.

Fond of luxuries and nice things. After growing up as he did, I think he deserves them.

Very socially awkward. Introvert just trying his best. Anything that isn’t manipulation and therefore something he’s planned in his head is just a social train wreck waiting to happen.

The way he pushes up Alina’s sleeve when they first meet. This man had zero compunctions about acting completely unprofessionally in front of his soldiers and I think that’s very sexy of him.

He’s constantly tired and exasperated with the people around him.

The way he says “quiet” with the softest voice imaginable and a room full of laughter instantly goes silent.

He had no interest in Elizaveta even though she was utterly obsessed with him and I think that’s hilarious.

Elizaveta: I have a plan to resurrect the Darkling Everybody Else: Oh the Darkling is so evil for trying to come back! The Darkling, who just wants a nap and is sick of this mortal bullshit: Why am I even here? This is such a pain in the ass. I should have killed Elizaveta when I had the chance.

How he asks if Alina “will have” his name like a man proposing.

Has his bedroom attached to the war room.

Constantly checking up on Alina just to know how she’s doing. Never pushing her beyond her limits as she’s training.

Very creative with his shadows and the extent of their abilities. So many of the ways he uses his powers are genius.

His ending in RoW is a tragedy and an injustice. He deserves better.

This old man pouting at Alina in episode seven as he says “please, I just want to talk to you 🥺”

There is a black kefta made for Alina after like two days in the Little Palace. He really was already planning their entire immortal futures together as Mr. and Mrs. Starkov wasn’t he?

His bed is covered in maps and notes when he’s plotting how to find Alina. Also before that, the way he’s poring over the notes at his desk and giving orders is 👌🥵

Him acting like a real General at all is simply amazing.

The fact that he trusts Luda with his life. That they have a whole intimidation routine set up around him purposefully getting himself fatally injured knowing she’ll heal him.

He looks like a vampire in the show and a fae in the books.

His favorite ABBA song is probably “Lay All Your Love On Me.”

Looks composed but that’s only a façade. Is actually an unhinged feral terror of pain and misery.

That scene where he tells the king she will remain in the Little Palace to train undisturbed and he puts his foot down. ON THE RED CARPET. the king’s carpet. and uses a commanding voice that’s just on the edge of an order…I’m surprised he didn’t get flogged for that. IMO nothing conveys the fine line he walks with those in power while wielding his own like this scene. Literally he should just be celebrated for this alone.

“‘Why won’t you leave me alone?’ I whispered one night as he hovered behind me while I tried to work at my desk. Long minutes passed. I didn’t think he would answer. I even had time to hope he might have gone, until I felt his hand on my shoulder. “Then I’d be alone, too,” he said, and he stayed the whole night through, till the lamps burned down to nothing.

Trapped a bunch of Saints in the Shadow Fold like a true amoral disaster villain. What an icon.

His barely concealed amusement and half hidden smile when Alina comes to put his kefta on. The way he finds Alina utterly hilarious and tries so hard to act like he doesn’t.

That small amused smile when Alina jokes about finding Volcra hilarious. Please he’s so adorable 😭

“‘I know what you feel when you’re with the tracker,’ he said. ‘I doubt that’ He gave a dismissive wave.” - My Malarklina obsessed self, vibrating at the edge of my seat: but what does it mean?!?

Mal and the Darkling’s entire fight in the Fold: dumbass on dumbass violence.

The way he stands with his back turned to Alina when she enters his tent the first time they meet and then does the slowest Godfather turn in history. 1999/10 - points removed for a criminal lack of cat petting.

“I may lead the second army, but the king is still the king.” - the delivery of that line. the implications, the history behind it and also the foreshadowing for his plans.

That slow turn face reveal in episode one though. Like okay we get it you’re pretty alkjsdflkj

Confused Old Man Face™ whenever Mal or Alina do anything remotely defiant in his presence.

How he tells Alina to come closer and she only takes the tiniest step and he doesn’t even react.

His little head cock whenever someone says or does something that just doesn’t vibe with him.

Darklina tumblr has now convinced me that the Darkling is a cat in human form.

“You’re an amplifier,” she said. He glanced at where Sylvi was pouncing on another helpless tree, oblivious, and gave a single, frightened nod. How could he have been so stupid? He would have to tell his mother now, and she would insist that they leave right away. If word got out, they’d both be in danger. Amplifiers were rare, hard to find, harder to hunt. Their lives would be forfeit. Even if they got away, word would spread. He could already hear his mother’s voice: Foolish, careless, callous. If you don’t value your own life, show some concern for mine. Annika touched his sleeve. “It’s okay,” she said. “I won’t tell.” Panic crowded in. He shook his head. She slid her hand into his. It was hard not to pull away. He should. He was breaking his mother’s fundamental rule for keeping them both alive. Never let them touch you, she’d warned him. - 😥 I just want to give him a hug all the time.

His strangled shout when Mal tackles him off of the skiff.

His smile when he’s summoning the sun. The expression on his face when he does so. Like I know I’ve mentioned this before but damn. If you ever needed a reason to celebrate him, this would be it.

“Shame, I’ll have to give that speech again now.”

The way he flips Mal over his shoulder in the Fold after Mal attempts to strangle him.

His little lecture on the Small Science to Alina when they’re going to meet the King. Info dump.

“You make it sound so easy.” “A bird makes flight look easy. But it was born to do so.”

When Alina looks at him for guidance on whether or not to remove her veil and he gives her a small nod.

The handhold in the throne room after Alina’s demonstration is absolutely precious, but it’s in a room full of people he should be keeping up a façade for and it’s so unwarranted and yet he does it anyway, I’m-

The way he says “welcome home, Ms. Starkov,” in the most tender voice I’ve ever heard and then goes “ok that’s enough emotions for one day” and then just straight up leaves without even a goodbye.

He has his symbol?? Sewn into Alina’s kefta??? bRo???!?!

Disaster Simp never gets tired of introducing Alina to other people or talking about how she’s the best thing that ever walked this earth.

The Darkling lying: honestly

“I have devoted my life to undoing the great sin of my forebearer, but I am never seen as the solution. Only as a reminder of the problem.” Sasha you were literally the problem. What a manipulative little shit. We love to see it.

The way he closes his eyes and kisses the coin before he makes a wish at the wishing well.

“I think the Grand Palace is the ugliest building I’ve ever seen.” - I love him your honor.

This man has the most intense lines for Alina. Like straight up I would have booked it when he said “you and I are going to change the world��. But then the head grab?! “I’ve been waiting a long time for you.” He’s so intense like sir can you tone it down a bit please I am begging you.

“I shall be right by your side.” / “We can do anything. Together.” / “For us.” / “You cannot do this on your own. And neither can I” / “I want you to know my name. The name I was given, not the title I took for myself. Will you have it, Alina?” - WEDDING VOWS

That scene in the war room when Alina comes to find him and he instantly drops his guard and lowers his arms and welcomes her with a soft voice.

“Am I bothering you?” “Not at all.” - girl you could be stabbing him in the chest and you still wouldn’t be bothering him.

This whipped disaster sounds like the proudest man on the planet when he talks about how much more his enemies fear Alina over him.

His shadows react to his emotions.

“YoUr’E nOt IvAn.” asjlkdfjs god he’s so embarrassing.

Local Dark Lord Sasha offering Alina the throne after she literally tries to kill him.

He gets so jealous of Mal.

Has a great relationship with his soldiers and his men. His men trust him implicitly and believe him to be an amazing general.

When he turns around after Alina puts the kefta on him and looks flustered/has to take a breath because she’s a lot closer than he expected. The way he’s breathless and literally can’t string a sentence together because he’s so distracted by her closeness.

His jokes are absolutely terrible.

GF: *jokes about throwing herself down the stairs to get out of an event* Sasha “no thoughts head empty only Alina” Morozova: haha I’d just have my healers heal you right back up again.

How genuinely touched he is by Alina admitting to wanting to help Grisha and Ravkans.

That scene in Demon in the Woods when he notices the intricate details of the politics in the Grisha camp after one meeting with the Elders. He has the Ulle pegged almost instantly.

Born to be a leader. Born to take care of others. Born to protect. Even in Demon in the Woods he’s protecting people. Even in Demon in the Woods he’s leading them and caring for them.

The way he cups his hands around Alina’s face when they’re kissing.

This man gets so starstruck by Alina walking into the Fete that he doesn’t even excuse himself from the King’s side to go to her.

Long haired Aleksander rights!

Ok I know the wig was kind of ugly but he looks pretty with long hair and I think it would look very good on him naturally.

The way he slams his hands together in the Winter Fete scene and instantly turns the room pitch black.

Literally any times he summons shadows is a blessing and we should all celebrate him for it. They are so beautiful. On god if I ever saw his shadows in real life I would be awestruck.

He asks Mal if he’s okay when they first meet.

The pure, barely contained fury directed at the Conductor for daring to harm Alina and kidnap his Grisha.

He always has to make a grand entrance.

This man is like a bloodhound when it comes to Nina. He is very invested in finding her and I feel like that’s never really talked about.

“I know exactly how she felt. The King’s soldiers treated me the same way. Because they knew- they knew that I was more important than any of them.” - the way he says it, like it’s something he has to remind himself of in his head constantly. a justification for the way he’s been treated, the fear he evokes in others. a way to protect himself from the hurt of being ostracized and reviled. arrogance and conceit as a defense against emotional harm.

Also the way his face instantly changes after that, like he’s said too much. vulnerability. lowering his eyes. shifting his eyes. literally just everything about this scene makes me love him all the more.

Dark carriage rides up to the Crows’ hiding place. Grisha circle the area as Aleksander steps from the carriage slowly, dressed all in black, floofy cloak high on his shoulders. Villain Entrance™

Him slowly pulling a knife out of his chest like it shouldn’t have killed him is hot as fuck and also totally badass. Big dick energy.

“I’ve had enough of your lies.” “And what lies are those?” - Alina, pulling out a fifty mile long scroll of grievances: Well, for starters-

This man is literally just an Alina Starkov compliments machine.

He cares so much about the Grisha and their protection. He loves Ravka and his people so much.

He had an entire cult dedicated to him.

“They would approach him. They always did. But he felt more anxious than usual. He’d stopped trying to make friends in the places he and his mother visited—there was no point when they moved on so quickly. Now he wasn’t quite sure how to go about it.”

Save a Villain. Murder the King.

Openly admits to staging a coup like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

He speaks so slowly. He moves so slowly. Everything he does has to have Purpose and Gravitas.

Theater Nerd™

He knew Nikolai for years and yet couldn’t recognize him as Sturmhond. We do stan an oblivious icon 💕

The Darkling after he gets his ass whooped in Siege and Storm: Mom can you please come pick me up? I’m scared!

He’s here to manipulate sun summoners and murder cities. And unfortunately he’s all out of sun summoners.

Would absolutely get drunk on real alcohol. This man thinks kvas is strong liquor.

Has his wrists exposed exactly one time in the most skin he’s shown all season and it’s when Alina visits him at night in the war room. WHORE!

Was too emotionally slutty and fell for Alina. RIP.

He’s passionate and cold and beautiful and hurt and twisted up in ways nobody could ever hope to understand and he’s stunning.

I would literally kill for this man 🖤��

[star-going-supernova]

So. Madison Russell. Godzilla vs Kong. Welcome to my ted talk.

From a writing perspective, they totally wasted her character. She, Josh, and Bernie were almost exclusively used just as a method of showing the audience what was happening "behind the scenes" at Apex. Pouring the whiskey on the computer was about the only thing of note they did, and even that didn't do much. Mechagodzilla was only slightly hindered by it, and if they'd just written Kong and Godzilla differently in the fight scene, they could have skipped the whiskey part entirely. They could have done so much with having people "on the inside" but Monarch as a greater organization barely had any presence at all, which negated the need to have people on the inside. 

Maddie's steadfast insistence that Godzilla wasn't a bad guy at the beginning had so much potential, but it became the conspiracy thing instead. It felt less like she wanted to prove Godzilla wasn't turning against humans, and more like she and her new conspiracy friend wanted to crack open a shady organization, which was frustrating. If they wanted to depict her as someone who was forced to become competent at a young age, which was part of the serious, intense vibe I got from her, instead of the inexplicable personality shift, they should have showed her doing something to help. Getting in contact with her dad/Monarch, giving them evidence to begin a city wide evacuation outside the Apex Hong Kong HQ, messing something up or making it harder for the Apex people to get Mechagodzilla up and running—just, anything. 

The fact is, we had Maddie being very proactive in KotM. Stealing the ORCA was the game changer. Instead of taking that to the next level in GvK and giving her an opportunity to continue that aspect of her character—that is, being someone who refuses to sit by when she can do something to help, even if it’s dangerous—they rendered her obsolete. 

The movie wouldn't have significantly changed if you took her character out. If Bernie went by himself and ended up in Hong Kong, nothing would have changed, because Maddie didn't do anything of personal importance. She went from being an active character in KotM to being a passive one here, which are a pet peeve of mine. If you saw my post about what I liked and didn’t like about Godzilla (2014), that might sound very familiar.

It would also have made so much more sense if she developed a love for studying Titans instead of focusing on conspiracy theories. Plot-wise, it would have given her claim to her dad that Godzilla was being provoked more credence, and could’ve opened an interesting dialogue between them to reinforce that she knows what she’s talking about. Monarch was obviously still a big part of their lives, given that Mark had rejoined, so it would’ve been the perfect opportunity for Maddie to pursue a Titan-related future. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I loved Jia, and wouldn’t want to take her out of the movie or even diminish her presence in it. In fact, I think they should have focused on Jia, and only on Jia. 

Hear me out: Godzilla vs Kong should’ve been split in two. A Part 1 and Part 2 situation. 

For Part 1, we keep a lot of the GvK canon, especially the Kong-centric stuff. Include even more scenes showing us that he’s protective of Jia, don’t just have Dr. Andrews say that he is. Have him defend her from something dangerous, maybe even from some humans. Include their backstory, how he saved her during the storm. And start it even earlier, before Godzilla attacks Apex the first time. Keep the whole Hollow Earth plot, keep the fight scene in the ocean, keep the discovery of the temple and the axe.

And on the Godzilla side of things, start earlier on that as well. Keep the other Titans in, have humanity tentatively believing that a time of great peace is upon them. Their mere presence is restoring the planet. There was an emphasis of nature, particularly in relation to the Titans, in KotM that I really think they should have included more of in GvK to better tie the two movies together, if only they hadn’t swept all the other Titans under the rug. They wanted a movie about a fight, not about the Titans. So, undo that. Show us a little of what Mark does, do a sweep of the other KotM cast (cameos at the very least) to show how they and Monarch are working to uphold that peace post-Boston. I’d also have loved to see Boston itself, too, five years later. 

Instead of giving us a Generic High School scene, show Maddie learning about the Titans alongside the experts. Bring back the wonder and amazement she had when she saw Mothra for the first time, when she reached out and touched her. She’s second generation Monarch, make that mean something. When Maddie took the ORCA to Boston, she had a conviction. She couldn’t not have. She was there in part to lure Ghidorah in, but I can’t even pretend to believe her plan ended with that. She knew Godzilla would come. 

That sort of belief is hard to kill, and if death via Ghidorah wasn’t enough to scare her off, no way anything else in those five years afterwards did. Her belief that Godzilla is good survived to GvK, and should’ve been a main focal point of her character. Godzilla attacks Apex—she and every other Monarch person who has spent years studying the Titans knows something is up. 

Keep Mark’s character development regarding his opinions on Godzilla. He believes Maddie when she says something has to be wrong, not just because he trusts his daughter, but because he looked into Godzilla’s eyes and saw more than just an animal. 

They’re in Part 1 only minimally, just to establish their presence and how they feel about Godzilla destroying Apex. The focus is clearly on Jia and Kong’s side of events. 

Sorry, but I’m leaving Josh out and seriously dialing back Bernie’s role. Instead, the character we follow inside Apex is Ren Serizawa. We see his motivations, his ambitions, and he becomes a character with more than just a few lines. Does he resent Godzilla? Or does he resent his father, too? Serizawa’s sacrifice was willing, after all. He was no accidental casualty. 

Part 1 ends in the Hollow Earth, with Ghidorah taking control of Mechagodzilla on the surface. Alter the timeline just enough so that Godzilla has only just arrived to Hong Kong, and Kong’s still in the Hollow Earth. The final scene is Mechagodzilla emerging into the city as the sun rises. The post-credits scene is our KotM cast in the Argo, location unknown, watching a screen with Mechagodzilla on it. 

Part 2 begins with a reveal: Ren Serizawa isn’t dead. 

Backtrack. This part focuses more on the Godzilla side, and Monarch. It’ll have flashback scenes from the five years between KotM and now, showing exactly why Monarch as a whole firmly believes Godzilla is reacting to something instead of being anti-human all of a sudden. The Titans are not inherently malicious; destruction is a side effect of their size, no more, no less. He earned his title of King in KotM—make it mean more than just trying to make Kong “bow.” Make him a protector, a guardian. He’s nature’s balance. By definition, he must protect humans as well. 

What Monarch needs to figure out is this: what is he trying to protect them from? 

They investigate Apex in search of the answer, but knowing from past experience the sort of things Godzilla gets proactive about—the MUTOs, Ghidorah—Monarch mobilizes. They prepare for another fight, at Mark’s instructions. He witnessed both San Francisco and Boston firsthand, even if the former was from a civilian standpoint. 

Godzilla has more hunt scenes. He targets a second Apex lab after his ocean fight with Kong, telling Monarch that they’re on the right track. 

Maddie, being a minor and not dragged into the thick of things (yet), has to stay home. Remembering the podcast she sometimes listened to, when the topic was focused on the Titans, she tracks Bernie down, and he tells her about what he saw: the eye. 

The two of them go to the ruined Apex building and discover the eye is gone before getting caught. With Monarch currently breathing down their necks, they recognize Maddie to be Mark’s daughter and take her to Hong Kong. Sorry, Bernie, but that’s mostly as far as you’re involved. Timeline-wise, this is roughly when Kong puts the axe in the temple floor and Godzilla blasts a hole to the center of the earth. Monarch is following Godzilla, but they’re behind a bit thanks to the tunnel shortcuts. They’re still unaware that Maddie has been kidnapped and is en route to Hong Kong.

This is also when Mechagodzilla gains a life of its own. Walter Simmons is killed and Ren Serizawa becomes trapped in the link to Mechagodzilla, serving as the bridge between the robot and Ghidorah’s mind. Ghidorah is essentially controlling MG by controlling Ren, who is controlling MG. Make sense? He’s the puppeteer’s puppeteer. 

We reverse some things. Godzilla fights MG first, gets beat around but not as much as in GvK because he isn’t fresh out of a different fight. Kong returns to the surface through the tunnel Godzilla created, having carried the one remaining HEAV out himself, because Nathan Lind has never flown one before and doesn’t know how they work. Kong wants to protect Jia, and Ilene Andrews and Nathan Lind are very lucky that Jia likes them. 

Mechagodzilla sees Kong and takes off, and Kong decides now would be a great time to fight Godzilla, who’s having a pretty bad day. Monarch arrives, and half of them split off to follow MG while the rest stay to try and deescalate the situation. Other than Godzilla faring slightly less well, the fight goes mostly the same as in the movie, except for one big difference: one of the Monarch crafts pick up Jia and Co, and she’s able to get Kong’s attention from the back of an Osprey well enough to tell him to stop fighting. There’s a bigger threat out there, and Godzilla definitely needs to be okay enough to fight it. Either they work together, or they reschedule. 

She’s very stern about it, and though no one’s really sure what the two Titans decide on, they stop fighting. They leave together to go after Mechagodzilla, who is currently being slowed down by Mothra, because she deserves to be in this movie. The other Titans basically hinder Mechagodzilla as much as possible as it rampages, telling Godzilla where it is. Monarch finally figures out that it’s heading for the nearest entrance to the Hollow Earth, right around when they also figure out that Ghidorah is involved. With Dr. Andrews and Nathan Lind’s input, they theorize it intends to take more of the power source down there to further strengthen it. 

They do their best to clear the cities in its path, evacuating as many people as possible. It’s all they can do. As in the past, they must trust Godzilla to do the heavy lifting. Around the same time, an assistant tells Mark that some guy named Bernie called and is asking for him. This is how he finds out Maddie was taken to Apex’s Hong Kong location.

Meanwhile, the Apex guards and Maddie finally arrive to find the facility abandoned and damaged, MG gone, and Simmons dead. The guards more or less split, leaving her there alone. Maddie, being Maddie, goes deeper until she finally discovers Ghidorah’s skull and Ren Serizawa inside, trapped in his own head with Ghidorah. It’s killing him. 

He’s aware enough to have a conversation with her. They argue about the Titans. He wants Godzilla destroyed out of anger over his father’s preference for Titans, rather than his own son. 

(“You’re not the only one with ghosts!” she yells at him. “You’re not the only one who resents a parent for putting Titans ahead of you when you needed them!” He chokes out, “I do not resent my father—” “Coulda fooled me. Why else would you be spitting on his sacrifice like this? Who are you trying to help, huh? All the other kids out there who are losing their moms and dads because you let Ghidorah out? Sorry, mister, but the last time someone did that, your dad paid the price.”) 

Ren is getting worse. He’s going to die if he stays in the link much longer, but he can’t disconnect. Maddie, looking around, gets to work on something. The camera slowly pans around to show that there’s a second pilot seat, back-to-back with Ren’s. It would allow for seamless switching between pilots without MG ever not having someone at the controls. 

Even with the other Titans’ help, Godzilla and Kong are unable to stop MG from going through the tunnel and into the Hollow Earth. Monarch is unable to follow, because of the gravity issue. They’re both tired from the journey and their fight, especially Godzilla. This is their last chance. If Mechagodzilla reaches the power source, it’s all over. 

The fight doesn’t go in their favor. They’re both bad at working together, so their attacks are uncoordinated at best, actively hindering each other at worst. Kong gets flung off a mountain and MG pins Godzilla. Even thought he caught himself, Kong isn’t going to make it up in time to help him. 

Maddie puts on an identical pilot setup, and with Ren’s instructions, switches the link over to herself, freeing Ren. He collapses forward, immediately falling unconscious from the release of the strain. Fighting past the pain and overwhelming presence suddenly in her head, Maddie does what she does best: she causes Ghidorah problems. 

She screams, and it echoes like a roar through his skull. 

In the Hollow Earth, Mechagodzilla stumbles. 

It’s the beginning of the end. She can’t control it or even really stop Ghidorah, but she gets in his way as much as possible, giving Godzilla and Kong the edge they need to finally get their act together and use some teamwork to take Mechagodzilla down. They destroy it and return to the surface before parting on amicable terms. 

After too long, Mark arrives at Apex with a whole team of people. Ren Serizawa is found comatose but alive, and he’s quickly removed for medical attention. Though Maddie’s also alive, there’s something else clearly wrong. She’s still wired into the piloting gear, stiff and unseeing, as if she’s frozen. Her eyes are open but distant, pupils virtually gone from how constricted they are, and her jaw hangs open slightly. Despite how tense her body is, she’s limp. Nothing they do wakes her up, even after getting her out of the skull. 

They wheel her out on a gurney to where a handful of Ospreys landed, but as they leave the building and step out onto the roof, they find Godzilla has returned. He watches them, and he’s exactly as aware as Mark remembers. 

(“She tried to help you,” Mark calls out to him. No one knows exactly what happened in the Hollow Earth, during the fight, but the scene in Ghidorah’s skull was telling. “No, she—she did help you!” For the second time in her life, Maddie put herself in Ghidorah’s path and, ultimately, won. Only this time, her victory came with a price.) 

Godzilla snorts before leaning over the roof’s railing, moving toward the gurney. The humans all back away, even Mark, though he doesn’t go far. Spines humming, eyes flaring blue, Godzilla rumbles deeply. 

On the gurney, Maddie stirs. 

Later, much later, after Maddie and Jia have met—heaven help everyone else, honestly—they sit together on the edge of a pier over the ocean, Jia leaning comfortably against Maddie. It’s quiet. They’re alone, watching the sunset. A heavy footfall behind them, the feel of the vibration trembling through the wood, makes them turn around. Half concealed in the brush at the edge of the island’s foliage, Kong stands, facing them. 

They both wave before standing. They sign goodbye to each other, then part ways. As Maddie walks away to a waiting Osprey, we see behind her as Kong crouches to allow Jia to climb into his palm before vanishing into the forest. 

The Osprey takes off over the calm ocean. It has a different design than most, with a large door set in the side instead of at the back, more like an ordinary helicopter. It’s open as they go, Maddie secure inside as she stares out. A smile spreads across her face as jagged spines slowly breach the ocean’s surface, easily keeping pace with the Osprey, which lowers to be closer to the water.

For just a moment, in the fading light, Maddie’s eyes almost shine blue. The screen goes black to the sound of Godzilla’s roar.

[it-sy-bit-sy]

The ending of Attack on Titan: a shallow analysis

(I don't think I should have to put a spoilers alert on a blog about the ENDING OF AOT, but in general if you mind being spoiled on a series, I advise you to refrain from attending discussions about the body of work until you've finished it in its entirety/come up to speed on the current chapter/episode. Screw hype dude, do you like being hurt? Also for the TLDR, it’s that Attack on Titan explores the cycle of hatred (Eren’s journey) AND love which is why Mikasa and Ymir become relevant at the end of the story.)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PREFACE

Since the newly added panels of AOT’s ending have been likened by some to the ending of Naruto, I'd like to say that Naruto's end truly hurt me; the way it flows into Boruto is so contrived it burns. A story that's always centered around powerful ninja bloodlines fighting political wars suddenly introduced aliens that harvest planets for energy as the super antagonist, and additionally they're the source of all our characters' powers as well as the jinchuriki and tailed beasts themselves. Then when you look at the plot of Boruto which heavily relies on the Otsutsuki clan as an antagonistic force, their whole existence feels like the transition from Dragon Ball straight into the first DBZ arc with Goku learning he’s really part of an alien race that was meant to destroy Earth.

I didn't detect so forced a role in the ending of AOT, but it's absolutely plausible to speculate that the alternate ending was influenced for this reason, as we know Attack on Titan wasn't produced through Isayama's involvement alone. Certain compromises are made when operating as a team, though it would be wonderful if the original intent of authors were more absolute in the world of production than they are known to be.

And as much as I don't enjoy half-hearted continuations of series for a royalty check, I ALMOST can't blame them for doing it...it creates (many) happy fans, more jobs, and Isayama gets his royalty check. The rest of us suffer but hey, artists need money I guess... 🥀 Moving on. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#1. Eren's development as a character

I never saw Eren's goal steered in the direction of breaking the cycle of revenge or hatred. He was acting wholly in his own interests. He's intensely selfish, doesn't want to change his views, and exists in the story to further the cycle itself. According to me, Chapters 129 and 131 perfectly explain his motivations for the rumbling.

Now before I go on, I'd like to bring a particular scene to mind. I do remember him saying this once (to Historia who had just told him killing the rest of the world is unjustifiable and wrong):

Yes, he said that, but I don't think that is what he ever intended the rumbling to be used for.

After he stated that 80% of humanity was wiped out so Paradis will be safe for the time being, he neglected to answer Armin's questions in 139: "Did you really need to go that far? Are you sure you did all of this for our sakes?" We may also consider the thoughts he chose NOT to share in chapter 131:

That combined with this excerpt from 129 is pretty much all there is to Eren's convictions.

Those are the same words he said in Chapter 2 after his mother died.

So despite his brief period of self-loathing when considering 1) the countless lives in survey corps sacrificed for his sake, 2) being confronted with his and his father's involvement in the Reiss family, 3) everything he learned about his enemy--that all titans are formerly human, that the titan shifters were just children deceived by their world--he even admits to Reiner during Tyburn's speech (Chapter 100) that they are indeed in the same boat--and on top of that, admitting that the rumbling will do nothing to fix the course of history, he settled with the same conviction he held the moment he decided to do something to change the world.

Again, here's his words from 139 showing us just how angry a boi Eren was.

This was Eren Jaeger...he didn't even really know what he was doing.

As a human being, Eren was very much in the cycle of revenge as much as everyone else was. His course of action never deviated too far from that path. He knew better, but he lashed out at the world to protect the few people he cared about anyway. He took freedom away from the ones who threatened him. He was a mass murderer, and so were the other soldiers in this series fighting for their own reasons, since titans were people. Survey corps were always slaughtering these people whom they saw as monsters. Marley viewed Eldians as monstrously and with as much hatred as Eldians viewed the titans. Eren did not try to justify his actions to everyone. He simply stopped seeing the value of life in others not important to him, as humans often do.

So what did he sacrifice 80% of humanity for? From 129 again:

Them meaning his immediate friends.

No, he didn't care about their children's children and beyond because there's no way to control what happens when you're gone from this world. It wasn't his problem. Eren had 4 years at most left to live, and he wanted to do what he could to ensure his friends were happy before he left.

And as jarring as it was to see Eren become undone in the last chapter, I didn't find it completely out of character, because for one he was talking to his closest friend moments before his own death, and secondly, Eren was just a stupid human like the rest of the people in this series. Obviously, most people just want a normal life that they can spend with people whom they love. Eren was the same way, but was denied that future (and happened to be able to do something about it). Very selfish goals, but those chosen few were his world. Along with a general distaste for humanity, that's how I understand his character motivations.

*Which is to say in relation to the extra pages, Ymir's curse returning a generation or two after the events of AOT doesn't entirely void his actions. I’m assuming the power of Ymir apparently exists as a force of nature on this version of Earth period, so I suppose this points us to an endless cycle of humans eventually finding the power and using it as they see fit *

#2 Why is Romance Relevant to Attack on Titan?

I wasn't expecting a romance factor to be relevant at the end of the story, however considering that Mikasa's affection for Eren WAS her most prominent personality trait as a character, then the events that followed, I was forced to look back to a few moments in the series that could lend light to why, in the end, a romantic subplot ended the curse of Ymir. My conclusions are as follows:

1. Quite literally, the cycle of hatred never ends. Humans will always have a reason to be unkind to one another. We are animals after all; this trait cannot be reasoned through with logic, bred out, or defeated. We are a self-aware species (Eren's even aware of his own hypocrisy in Chapter 131). There will always arise those who take what they want for themselves because they decide in the end they don't care about others as much as they care about their own interests.

2. To make this second point, I'm stealing these words out of a certain machine lifeform's mouth, but bear with me here:

"But the humans...? Now THEY are interesting. Because they are an enigma! They killed uncountable numbers of their own kind, yet loved in equal measure! It's fascinating, don't you think? What could possibly drive such behavior? We have dedicated ourselves to unraveling this riddle of humanity..."

--Adam from NieR:Automata

AOT uses Eren and Mikasa as a case study of humanity. Humans hate and love in equal measure.

In Ch. 129, Zeke's piece here foreshadows the significance of those two for the story, I guess?

Now everyone reading this series as well as the characters in it had noticed how much fondness Mikasa always had for Eren, and how aloof he always was towards her in return...that's something for them to work out.

Despite never really reciprocating Mikasa's feelings, Eren told Armin at the end of the series that yes, he enjoyed receiving her attention; he would have liked to live a happy life with her. So, Mikasa just liked Eren, Eren liked her... And similar to Mikasa, Ymir just liked King Fritz. It doesn't matter whether we think these feelings were sound or not; they did what they wanted with themselves. I suppose that explains the reason she was a mega simp for Eren in the whole story. Yes, this turn in the story reads like a different plot now, not one about war and killing monsters, but I'm pleasantly surprised that this trait taken as a flaw of Mikasa’s actually served as a necessary condition to end the conflict of the titans.

Eren wouldn't let go of his hatred of the world for his own satisfaction, Ymir wouldn't let go of her love of King Fritz for her own satisfaction, and Mikasa is the only one who decided to let go of her convictions in the interest of someone other than herself. That's what moved the curse.

I think Isayama used the characters of Ymir and Mikasa to demonstrate that while there is a cycle of hatred and revenge running rampant in humanity, the cycle of love doesn't stop either.

In closing, and I truly apologize for such a lengthy post; I hope I didn’t reiterate my point too often here...I didn't think about any of this until I heard so many readers upset with the way AOT ended. I'm not personally left with any disappointment in where the story went. I didn't know where it was going to go in the first place, and I think it could have been much worse for us in different hands. 

*shrugs*

AOT is a story about the nature of humanity.

*And in regards to Jean, if that is supposed to be him with Mikasa in the new panels, all I can say is dude likes his girl. He was a simp for her and she was a simp for Eren, but the fact that they shared their lives together means a lot even if Eren was never completely buried in her heart. He meant a lot to her man, idk...

[holderofthebowl]

Chapter Ten: If You Had But Asked

- Chapter One: In the Service of the Queen - Chapter Two: Peace Offerings - Chapter Three: Salve for the Soul - Chapter Four: Kings Guard - Chapter Five: Not a Door, but a Window - Chapter Six: Typical Æsir Arrogance - Chapter Seven: For Odin’s Sons Are We - Chapter Eight: A Demonstration - Chapter Nine: What the Gods have Joined, Let None Put Asunder -

Summary: The start of a multi chapter origin story for Loki x Sigyn in the Marvel Movie Verse which will incorporate both mythological elements and elements from her comic backstory. This takes place between the Avengers and Thor 2 during his imprisonment.

Author: holderofthebowl

Which Tom/Character: Loki

Authors Note: Well it’s been almost 5 years... hahaha sorry about deserting you all, in the middle of the climax and everything. Med school and then the first few years of being a real grownup with a big kid job, moving back to the states and 1000 other things in life and such. Anyhow, if you are new to this fic start at chapter 1 or you are gonna be real confused. Sorry if I’m a little rusty, but an update 5 years later is better than nothing :) Anyhow ‘So I made you some content, daddy made you your favorite open wide’ I hope you enjoy. 

Rating: PG, A slow burn but we’re finally there. A whole kiss in this chapter and everything. 

Sigyn’s slippers clicked with purpose as she marched down the marble steps toward the dungeon. She angrily whipped both her cheeks with her palms. Her tears had changed from mortified embarrassment to red hot anger. The long train of her heavily embroidered and laced wedding dress draped along the steps behind her. 

She turned the corner toward Loki’s cell. The scene there did not surprise her. Four Crimson Hawks were upon him. Two of them pointed their weapons at her dark haired bride groom’s back. The other two, were pinning him to the bed, one was clamping manacles to his wrists, the other leaned an elbow across the back of his neck, holding him in a kneeling position with the side of his face to the mattress. No doubt trying to pull from him the location of their missing comrade.

“Where is he?” Sigyn spat at her now husband, with a level of venom that startled Odin’s soldiers slightly from their own interrogation, as they all turned to meet her gaze. 

Loki beamed at her, speaking as though there weren't soldiers leaning on his neck. “Sigyn, what a fine ceremony that was, beautiful, I especially loved the floral arrangements. So very sorry I wasn’t able to stay till the end. By any chance, would you be willing to tell me how it went?” 

Sigyn ignored his question. “Where is he Loki. Did you kill him? Is he dead?” She moved closer to the force field in front of her, her hands clenched at her sides, her nails digging into her palms. 

Loki chuckled “ I mean, one can only hope.” he said shrugging, The man above Loki snarled and increased the pressure on Loki’s neck causing him to wince. Sigyn pursed her lips before addressing the Odin’s men. 

“I demand to speak to my husband. Alone! Asgardian law gives me that right!”  Everyone in the cell froze. None had been there for the conclusion of the ceremony and for a single moment, the entire cell of men was shocked, including Loki. It was he that cut through the silence. A deep full laugh that reverberated down the stone hall, only slightly muffled with half his face pressed into his linen sheets.

Slowly the soldiers withdrew, undoing the manacles, letting Loki push himself into a standing position. He dusted himself off with dramatic flare, his face beaming. The Hawks lowered the barrier allowing Sigyn to enter. They shot her looks as if she had grown a second head, too shocked to be upset about the betrayal of their brother in arms. She walked past them trying not to notice. She doubted this would be the end of looks and side glances she’d receive, likely for the rest of her days on Asgard. 

Loki approached her arms out, as though he thought to embrace her. The sound of the slap reverberated across the cell. Loki took a step back, and rubbed his cheek, but his smile didn’t dissipate. “Where is Theoric?” Sigyn demanded crossing her arms. 

Loki let a noise of irritation slip from between his lips and rolled his eyes. He threw a hand up in a gesture of dismissal. “That’s not important right now. What’s important is...”

“It’s important to me Loki.” she cut him off. Loki ignored her plea 

“And Odin really let the marriage stand? Ha! I can’t believe it worked. I can just imagine the row that caused. Was my brother there? I didn’t see him in the crowd beforehand.” Sygin watched him start to pace, he was having a difficult time keeping the energy of a successful scheme contained. 

Her shoulders slumped slightly and she sighed. This was not working. She was going to have to find a different tactic. Why she thought insisting Loki do anything directly would work in the first place was beyond her. Threats and orders were not in the prince’s nature to obey. She thought a moment. “Well, I guess there is one benefit to him being dead..”

This comment stopped Loki cold, and he turned to her. “What benefit?” he asked. Good, he was confused. He hadn’t expected that. He didn’t like being confused. 

“I mean at least I won’t have to tell him.” she said shaking her head. Loki lifted a single sculpted black eyebrow. “You know, I won’t have to tell him how you tricked him into missing his own wedding day. How it caused a huge scene, humiliating him in front of the All Father and the entire court of the Æsir. And then, how in front of his family, and his friends, at his own wedding, I married that man instead.” She paused for effect, allowing Loki to contemplate that a moment. “You’re right, I’d rather not have to break that news to him. Can you even imagine how humiliating that will be?”

Loki was still for a moment, and then the corner of his mouth began to drift upward. “Oh, no my dear. You are right, that’s much better.” He turned and strode away to her toward the corner of the cell, addressing the Crimson Hawks who had been standing back, eavesdropping no doubt. “Tell Heimdall to cast his eye toward Svartalfheim. He should find your man there. If he didn’t die falling through the portal, or succumb to something on the planet.” Loki chuckled to himself. The guards left to find their fallen comrade. And they were left alone.

“Thank you” said Sigyn, some of the tightness dissipating from her chest. 

“Are you happy now?’ Loki asked.

Sigyn narrowed her eyes and stepped towards him “Am I happy now?” she parroted back her hand balling back into a fist. All her previous rage flooding to the forefront. Loki instinctually took a step back, his eyes flicking toward the hand that had slapped him with earlier. “You humiliated me, that was mortifying. That was possibly the worst thing anyone has ever done to me.”

Loki face contorted suddenly into confusion. “But, you said yes? You still married me?” 

“Of course I married you. If you had just spoken to me, but once, anytime during the months we’d spent together, before I ended up in front of the All Father. If you had given me any indication that...” the words were getting stuck in her throat now, fresh tears on her cheeks.  “If you had said anything, anything at all about how you fel...” she cleared her throat to choke back a sob. “But no, talking to me like a peer, a person would have been too difficult. Instead you come up with some grand scheme to get your way. Consequences to others be damned. You arrogant emotionally stunted child!”

“You wouldn’t have married him. If I had but asked you not to?” his voice was quiet. An innocent honesty to it as he searched her face, so profoundly uncharacteristic and sincere. 

Sigyn felt the angry leave her body, she let it go with a breath. “I wouldn't have married him.” her reply was simple. 

It was all she needed to say. He closed the distance between then so quickly Sigyn barely noticed and then his lips were on hers. He pulled her in tightly, arms warping around her back. She leaned into him, her hands finding his dark hair and kissed him back, just as hard.   

[redglassesgirl-maruma]

Intro (aka my random blablabla)

I’ve been thinking about this post all week. I knew I would only have time every Sunday to do my entries for the event (personal stuff, I pretty much have a single free day ha) but that doesn’t stop me of over-thinking about maruMA xD

In the end, I came back to the same scene over and over, and strangely is not one of my favorite and cute “pairing scenes” between Yuu and Wolf but a random fight. But thinking a little bit more about it, it’s a perfect choice. Also, I knew I would be able to read other analysis from other fans about Wolf and Yuu xDDD  ♥

This scene was a key moment for myself as a fan of this series because the first time I read the novels I found Yuuri to be very different compared to the anime version. For me both versions were like the day and night, its not a secret I’m not a hiuge fan of the adaptation the animated did of the characters and at the time I search the source material to patch up things I didn’t like about the last season I was watching. Since the first paragraphs of novel 1 I thought to myself “this is a protagonist I can really enjoy, he feels like a real teenager in another world”. The jokes and pop culture reference were great, but I started to completely fall for him when he showed his dark side and human flaws. 

And that’s what I bring you today, one of the dark moments of Yuuri I love. The interesting thing is he has many more, even in previous novels, but this one is so natural that makes you rethink about any impression you had about him if you’re still convinced he’s so naive-good that you can take advantage of him easily.

Novel Quote

I’ll quote Novel 8, Chapter 2 and Chapter 3, the Dai Shimaron tournament, Yuuri vs. Adalbert. 

Brief context about the story up to this point: Wolfram and Josak already fought their matches, it’s Yuuri’s turn and when he goes on stage he meets Conrart again for the first time after his “death”, he was the 3rd contestant of Dai Shimaron and his supposed match at the tournament, but Adalbert complaints he has the right to fight again since he won his match against Josak. Conrart, Josak, Murata and Wolfram try to make Yuuri forfeit because Adalbert clearly can and will try to kill him for real, but in the end he decides to fight.

Novel 8 Chapter 2

I struck the metal bat at the legs of my opponent, and he fell. My first goal today. Leaning on his hands he tried to bounce back. Now I only needed to smack my weapon down on him, and the battle would be decided. Only two and a half steps forward and a hard hit on his head, then it would all be over, and I would win! Maybe some of his brain would splatter a bit, but it would be easy enough to change my clothes - so that should be fine. That is the problem with using bat as weapon, there is no middle ground to negotiate. I should have listened to Wolfram's advice and chosen a sword. If only I could point my sword at him, I might be able to force him to surrender.

Even though all those thoughts were rushing through my head, in that split of second, I simply took my stance in front of Adalbert, preparing to swing my bat. Just one strike and it would be over with. No, I did not need to smash his skull, I only needed to stop at the right time to knock him out, and the referee would still declare me the winner. I only needed to stop at the right time...

"Ouch!"

Adalbert had noticed my hesitation and, with his free foot, kicked me with all his might at my fingers. I screamed under my breath, and lurched forward. Adalbert quickly grabbed me by my neck and I felt cold metal pressed against my throat.

"Thanks, kid. You saved me the trouble of chasing after you in this whole revolving shop."

"Ah... Ouch! "

"Does that hurt, huh? You're bleeding even, you poor thing!" Adalbert said sarcastically.

All the muscles in my body tensed up. The blade was just under my chin. How would it feel to have your throat slit open? Which death would be more pleasant? A severed carotid artery or a severed windpipe?

So, Yuuri wasn’t actually able to hit him but just the fact this kid thought about splitting this man skull open was a really big change in the way I understood his character back in the day. Let’s remember a lot of fans who never read the novels do think Yuuri is all love and peace, with a borderline idiotic attitude that made the anime Saralegi able to do to him whatever the hell he wanted.

I still remember that chapter where Yuuri’s saying no matter what I’ll believe in everyone, vs. Novel Yuuri saying no matter what I’m not a moron and I’ll trust anyone because evidently I’m the king and a lot of people want me dead. That’s later in the novels and not related to the extract I put here, but it was triggered by novel Sara in contrast with the anime example I just gave.

Back to the scene about Adalbert’s fight. I just love this tournament match, Yuuri’s POV remains as humoristic as ever but then we have some dark thougths mixed in, and then he turns Ue-sama in the next chapter and we have an awesome fight with magic and all the special effects we want. Also, Ue-sama mode goes crazy and angry as we never saw him, even cursing Adalbert’s whole family promising he’ll kill them all and wipe out an entire noble house from the map.

 Novel 8 Chapter 3

“… So you defy my judgment?”

His jet black eyes glitter coldheartedly. So much so that if someone who knew the usual Yuuri saw him they would think it was a different person.

“Very well, von Grantz Adalbert. You and your relatives have moved to the top of my list of people to purge. In the name of the 27th Maou, I declare that all descendants of the Grantz family shall be eliminated.”

“Wait! My relatives have nothing to do with this.”

“A family that resents the king will only be a hindrance to my reign. Ah, but von Grantz, this is nothing for you to be worried about. You should simply wait on the other side. Here on this snowy stage, you’ll be the first of those with Grantz blood to be sent to hell.”

“Hey hey, isn’t your personality a bit different? I feel like I’ve been beat at my own game.”

 Normal Yuuri’s not that cute and Ue-sama is even less cuter xD But that’s what made me fall in love completely with this guy. I remember the manga did a nice adaptation of this scene too, but the novel version will remain my most favorite.

What I love about this is the author doesn’t try to paint a perfect person but a realistic scene of a guy who has to consider killing to avoid being killed. And T-sensei does an awesome job to reinforce how good is Yuuri as a person when he doubts, which is normal because he comes from one of the safest countries in the planet and is not accustomed to confrontational or dangerous encounters at all. This is also why I say Yuuri here is dark, his life context is different than let’s say, a person from a 3rd world country who has survived many robbery attacks and is slightly pissed off about these situations and ready to fight and fuck all over the other party. Yuuri’s a young guy from a super pacifist country, but it’s been a long time since he landed in Shin Makoku for the first time and he already saw and experienced many really twisted things. He’s not naive anymore.

His development is hidden in details like this one, and he’ll progress more and more, starting to think and act like a real king.

I couldn’t help myself and use this as an example/excuse and try to catch the attention of curious fans that never read the awesome novel!Yuuri yet. If this picked your interest, please pleaseeee do yourself a favor and read the light novel version. 

Also, Adalbert is a cutie pie with a sweet love story and his development as a character in the latest novels gives me life and lots of headcanons xD

Happy 20th year anniversary of this awesome series!

[bb-8irl]

I can’t believe I’m doing this again. The number of times I try to write out my feelings towards TROS, I always feel like I haven’t worded it properly, or haven’t said what I’ve needed to say. Or that I still have much to say when I’m done. But after seeing this movie three times, with having a week between the second and third I think I’ve got this. Also, I’m naturally optimistic, so this will probably come off more positive than negative, but I have a lot to say so I literally how no clue how this is going to go.

Heads up this is hella long, do bare with me. And I’m sorry I couldn��t figure out how to do the read more thing.

First, what Star Wars means to me.

To some people, it’s just movies, and yes it is. But they are some of my favorites, even though they are imperfect, I fall in love with the idea of a galaxy far far away. They take me to a world that I can escape to. They have given me characters that I adore, many of which I see parts of myself in, while others inspire me. As a kid I never really saw myself as a princess, I loved princess movies but I never felt like I fit in with them. No, I felt like a Jedi, I felt like this was a world I belonged to. I love the movies, the tv shows, comics, and books. Why do I think this is important to share, mainly for perspective and where I come from when I say what I say about TROS. You don’t have to be a life long fan to have an opinion on this, but this is just from a certain point of view. I’m a Reylo, and I’m going to have strong opinions as a SW fan and as a Reylo. Some opinions that you may agree or disagree with. I’m not here to argue. And I’m not here to say someone cannot feel differently towards any of this.

Where to start?

Well point blank, as an overall Star Wars movie what did I think? I don’t hate it, I don’t think it’s perfect and I think there are MANY problems with it and I really don’t wanna give JJ or Chris any credit for anything good that did come from this movie. But I can’t say that it was a horrible movie, I’d being lying if I said I wasn’t entertained. But it wasn’t great, and really missed the target.

So the writing…

Let me say first that I’m not a writer, or at least not professionally, I write for my own enjoyment in my free time. But in terms of the story we were given, it was…well again I didn’t hate it. But especially after thinking about it, and I know I can’t change anything, but I just wish it didn’t feel like the entire story revolves around Palpatine. Now I like the idea of Palpatine coming back, it does make sense since this mother fucker has been stirring the damn pot and has always had his hand in things. And as much as I actually love the opening sequence, I think it would have been more interesting to see in the in at least first act to see how everything for the resistance and first is going before Palpatine makes himself known. But if were gonna just talk about the literal writing, it was fine, especially Carrie’s scenes I think they did well writing them to try and make it fit. Star Wars in general for writing I give some lenience, just cause the writing has never been perfect, it’ll have its moments but not perfect. So yeah that’s where I stand with that.

Now breaking it down. What did I think? What I liked and didn’t like. What I would have done different.

The title scroll…again it just felt very Palpatine centric when I feel like it could have been a little less of him in the start.

Kylo fighting on Mustafar…HOT it’s fucking HOT because he’s HOT and it’s fucking HOT on Mustafar. Now it was after the fact of the first and second time I saw the movie that I found out he was on Mustafar, which makes sense plot wise if you know all the details of why he’s on Mustafar…and maybe I just didn’t identify they planet well and it’s just me who didn’t notice it was Mustafar. (JK it wasn’t just me, I told my roommate and she was pissed that they didn’t give us any helpful clues.) But I feel like that was something that maybe could have used a bit better of an explanation.

Kylo literally not having the time of day to deal with Palpatine. BIG MOOD BRO. And like that’s

He’s done being a puppet, he’s not playing around. And I’m proud of my boy for that. Also just the fact that he’s protective boyfriend literally not having it, there’s literally nothing he can be offered that can sway him from Rey.

It was interesting to kinda get a look at how how connected they are. (Hello force soulmates.) I did like seeing how their their memories really do intertwine into one. But I don’t really give JJ or Chris any of the force bond credit. That’s probably the one good thing they took from what Rian left them with and didn’t have to do a 180 on it. But again the force bond was Rian’s creation, they on expanded on it.

Now I like how Poe and Rey butt heads, it’s honestly how I expected that to go. Meanwhile Finn is in the middle of it, trying to keep his little sister and boyfriend from breaking into a full on MMA fight. Overall the trio was cute, I wouldn’t really change much about it honestly. Though they really gave us barely any Rose action which was sincerely disappointing.

Though it was a small interaction, Kylo and Hux was funny. I truly love how much they hate each other, comedic gold.

Pasana party looks like hoot and half. But they really had her look at a group of kids, and have a conversation about how Rey doesn’t have a last name, and played the whole oh she will get something like this by the end…bruh…it’s fine I’ll discuss that more later.

Rey and Bens first force Skype in TROS. He really said, “Palpatine wants you dead.” As a conversation starter, what a Solo. Anyways their conversation was angsty AF, and I expected nothing less than that. I love when he asks her why she didn’t take his hand she asks back, “You could have killed me. Why didn’t you?” And what I love from that is how she, at least from my perspective, answered his question with that question. Because the answer would be because I care/love you too much to ever hurt you. And I’ll bring this up later, but it kinda foreshadows what Rey tells him later.

He ripped that necklace off. And maybe I should have been offended…but that was…

FINN WAS NOT GOING TO TELL REY HE LOVES HER. I just really needed to say that. Also I know I caught on quicker than most but honestly the minute Finn says “It’s Ren.” My thought process was and I quote. “Mother fucker do you have something you would like to share with the class?” I kinda caught onto the early on that he is force sensitive.

And I’ll cover that topic now real quick. I love Finn, and I honestly am so happy for him. Them making him force sensitive doesn’t bother me, again happy for him. From a writing standpoint though I feel like JJ did that for when people try to say “oh you ruined about how it doesn’t matter where you come from, the force doesn’t care about bloodline.” This is where he points his finger and goes “see, look, we don’t know his bloodline.” And you know I hope that there are better intentions in that, but I wouldn’t be surprised if at least some of the intention was for JJ to try and cover his ass. Regardless I like Finn being force sensitive. But I feel like they were too subtle about to be introducing something like that so late in the game. It kinda just left a lot of people confused.

Also, Poe is a jealous boyfriend…nuff said.

And it was cute how BB-8 kinda had a learning lesson from Rey when she says, “you would have done the same.” When referring to force healing. And then BB-8 kinda uses that concept for D-O when he charges him.

Continuing on to the flip over the tie fighter was epic, shout out to Katie McDonnell who preformed that specific stunt. (I know she’s not the only stunt double, I’m just a fan of Katie, but major props to the whole stunt team.)

Oh and Kylo on Pasana is also…

Also the Chewie fake out I saw coming which kinda ruined anything emotional JJ was trying to pull on me.

Ok now to Kimji stuff.

Zorii is a cool character. I can buy the history the two had. You get a good feel for past chemistry but I like that she actually doesn’t wanna kiss him. Like I will kiss almost anyone (not Jabba the hut) in Star Wars (ok there’s a fair amount I wouldn’t) but Poe is on that list of whom I would kiss. So props to her for being all been there done that. And Babu Frik is precious.

Force Skype number 2. Firstly I‘m happy to hear the words “I never lied to you.” Come out of Kylos mouth. I’ve just always found that very important thing about him is how honest he is to Rey. He’s not a liar, he’s not deceptive, it’s not really in his character to do so, and specially to Rey I don’t think he would ever consider lying to her.

Ok…

The Rey Palpatine situation. I don’t love it but I also don’t hate it…but I don’t like it for sure. I can accept it as canon, but it leaves me with more questions…before I say what I would have done let me just first say this. I have questions on who the fuck did Palpatine fuck. This also just has me questioning the timeline and everything, especially watching it all again. I just started asking where everything falls into the timeline, was he part of raising his son, like there’s a lot of missing pieces, and it kinda just makes me ask why it was it was so important to make her a Palpatine. But like sure if I turn my brain off…ok…Rey is a Palpatine…sure, whatever makes the fanboys shut up on trying to make her a blood related Skywalker. And honestly JJ you don’t get credit for making Anti fanboys shut up. But at least they look EXTRA dumb now when they still try and make her related to Ben.

But ok, now lets really address this. It really was not that necessary to make her Palpatine and sure, yeah it happened. But I really liked the direction Rian was going with in TLJ, that it doesn’t matter who you, that anyone can be force sensitive, that it doesn’t matter where you come from, or who your parentage is, it’s just the matter of the force. What I wish they had went with was this idea that Rey was kinda born for the darkness and Ben for the light, just something very basic. And because they are kinda fighting for the opposite of which the were “created” for it causes a weird shift in the force. It would have fit will with what Rian had already written, explain why Rey is so strong with the force, being Bens equal, and quite literally it would barely change anything that was already there. Literally just changing any lines that involve Rey being Palpatine’s granddaughter. Related or not Palpatine could have known of Rey and was trying to seek here out, her parents wanted to protect leaving her on Jakku, telling Plutt they were selling her for drinking money to make sure there was nothing suspicious going on. Everything happens ala TFA and TLJ, Ben finds out where Rey is suppose to belong in the force, he tells her, she hates it because it’s everything she doesn’t want to be. We get it the ending and Palpatine does the whole kill me and because what you were created to be, Empress of the galaxy and harness all the sith. BOOM. You didn’t have to fuck with her parentage, you didn’t have to try to find loopholes in what Rian gave you. Cause all the shit I just wrote out, I’d believe, I’d that believe more than the whole Palpatine thing.

Hux was the spy…well I knew he was gonna be up to some bullshit but I didn’t expect that. And while I think that was an interesting twist I kinda was hoping with Hux something a little different. Kinda the same concept of “I need Kylo Ren to loose.” I feel like again if we started a bit before the whole Palpatine shit happens, it would have been interesting to see Hux trying to undermine Kylo. I was hoping to have seen Hux die, but I feel like his part was kinda thrown away. Again, there could have been great potential with him trying to “dethrone” Kylo. I never thought Hux as dumb and so it just felt like we missed out on him trying to take the power.

I love Jannah, I think she was a great character for Finn to relate to. But I’m just saying we had a good set up for a Stormtrooper rebellion…just saying that was some missed potential.

The Rey versus Dark!Rey stuff was cool, and I expected it to be something short, but just saying it would have been cool to have seen a bit more of that. AND would have been cool if it were a vision Ben had seen though.

“You can’t go back to her now. Like I can’t.” Oh my sweet baby boy. The crazy thing is too though is that he probably could have gone back, which is something he realizes when Leia reaches out to him not long after. But you know he wants to go back and truly feels helpless and can’t.

Also he crushed the Wayfinder with one hand…

The water fight was pretty epic. I was happy to see specifically in this fight and the final fight later on that they were fighting in a very similar way to the prequel Jedi. Like that shit is epic.

Ok and that moment when he stops himself from striking Rey, knowing that no matter how upset he might be at her, and how upset she is with him he never wants to hurt her.

Also I predicted that Leia’s death would be the starter for Bens redemption, and again I really felt for my baby boy. Also I definitely verbally screamed “No!” When Rey impaled him with his lightsaber.

Rey force healing Ben is a tender moment.

Now I know some people don’t like this, but I understand why Rey says, “I did want to take your hand. Ben’s hand.” And I get it. When we go back to when she asks him why he didn’t kill her it’s that same kinda answer he would give. She cares/loves him to much to see him destroyed. She knows that her following him to the dark side would turn him into something he’s not, and turn her into something she’s not. I know a lot of people find this as her not being able to accept him as Kylo, and I think she accepts him for all that he is, but doesn’t want him to loose who he really is. Because as Kylo has lived a tortured destructive life, and she wants him happy. She already knows the side he doesn’t let anyone but her see, and I think she knows that he would loose that. And then from her perspective for herself, Rey has never wanted power, or the want to rule. When he offered her his hand, and offered her basically everything he could, she never wanted any of that, you see that with Palpatine she’s never wanted to rule. Her saying she wanted Bens hand, it’s her telling him she doesn’t need anything but him for her to be with him and love him. And he’s never had that. With Luke he was the prize student, with Snoke he had to live up to this expectation of being Vader and being told he was never good enough. And Rey is there telling him that Ben is enough. It’s the equivalent of Ben saying, “you’re nothing. You come from nothing. But not to me.” He didn’t care where she came from, he loved her just for her, as she loves him for him.

(Wow that was a lot…but I at least think I finally got that out.)

Moving on.

I was so glad that they basically addressed the Han/Ben scene from TFA. For me it was always easy to see Bens struggle in that moment, I’ve always been empathetic with him cause I think of just about everything he had to do this was the most painful and regretful thing he’s ever done. And having to relive was so heartbreaking, but it important for him and important for the audience as a whole. This whole scene, as painful as it is, is healing. With Rey starting with healing him and his scar to him having to have that memory/conversation with his Father.

And yes I was absolutely broken by “Dad.” “I know”. I was so wrapped up in my emotions it took me the third time to realize that was their I love you.

So Rey going back to Ahch-to, and having her conversation with Luke. And like…again the whole Rey Palpatine thing, again fine it’s canon…this is fine. But this would have been so much less explanation…like I really feel like they made it harder for themselves by making her a Palpatine. But…fine it’s in canon.

Also Leia is a Jedi! Which was already hinted to with Leia training Rey. And Leia is continuously one of my favorite characters…but I never pinned her down to actually go through full on Jedi training. I can believe that she got byLuke but ok no she went all the way. And it’s not out of character for her to just hide something from the family, though this does almost butt heads against canon in terms of Han never even knew she trained…so JJ you kinda made another plot hole…you tried to cover it up, Jedi Leia is a cool concept, and the fact we needed two lightsabers cause someone decided to throw his into the ocean I see why you did it…but bro…she didn’t need be a Jedi to train Rey.

And ok the “some things are stronger than blood.” Which is a great message for her, which I’m just saying could have been used regardless of her parentage. But I digress.

Ok so the Exegol stuff.

Just kinda standard dialogue between Rey and Palps. Again if I could change it, it would really just be her not being his grandfather. The more I think about it the more unnecessary it becomes.

I know some people wanna question how Ben even got to Exegol, that’s honestly a plot hole I don’t mind waiting for the novelization to explain, doesn’t bother me, just thought I’d address it.

And seeing Ben Solo running in with nothing but a blaster in his hand, no plan, just his wife on his mind.

ALSO “ow!” Is the one Ben Solo line we got and it may be the one line…but says so much about Ben Solo.

And man the look that Rey and Ben give each other through the bond, that was the look of love and trust. And when she passes over the lightsaber and Ben freaking goes.

And then he takes on the Knights of Ren…

Oh I should address the Dyad situation. Honestly I’m all for anything that confirms that they are literal soulmates in the force. I mean we all kinda called this happening, now there is a literal name for this.

I will say I loved getting to hear from the Jedi, that was a touching moment, yeah it would have been cool to have actually seen them in force ghost form but that’s me being nit picky. Also would I have loved to have seen it be both Rey and Ben defeat Palpatine, they both have been fucked with by Palpatine. But it doesn’t bother me to see Rey defeat him. It again was just kinda a missed opportunity.

Now watching Ben pull himself from that pit and use every last bit of energy he has to get to Rey, scooping her into his arms, looking around helplessly, and hugging her close. Everyone could literally see the inner monologue he was having and my heart was BREAKING. JJ you don’t they any credit for that, Adam is just wonderful and amazing, and is the only one who deserves credit for that.

He gave her his life. HE FUCKING GAVE HER HIS LIFE!

(Heads up I’m just gonna first talk about from here on till I reach the end before I start talking about changes or things I would have done different…not to mention the thing that really has me upset.)

Now I see the full circle in terms of “finishing what Vader started”, that the whole big reason for Anakin's fall to the dark side was because he wanted to save the person he loved more than anything. So ok I see what you did there JJ, but by no means did that mean that he had to die…but I’m getting ahead of myself.

And can we talk about how Rey looks at him, I really don’t think she realizes what he’s actually done, but she just looks at him with love and adoration oh my fucking heart.

THEY KISS FOLKS REYLO CONFIRMED. They have canonized Reylo…painful as fuck after that so yeah.

And then it happens. Now ok…I have many feelings. But let’s just go with the fact that what’s happened…happened. Fact of the matter is he gave his life to Rey. Now it’s hella romantic, and I do think that if they had tried to kill him any other way I would be fuming (well I kinda am still). But yeah had it been any other way I would have rioted.

And then we get to the ending…celebration is cute. RIP Snap Wexley btw. Then we get to Tatooine. Now it took me a the THIRD time of seeing that movie to actually maybe understand what they were getting at. First two times I was like “really, this is how we end it?” And I’m still saying that, but I understand why she bury’s the lightsabers, it is a sense of closure for the Skywalkers. I’m just gonna assume Tatooine is not a permanent situation…that’s what I would hope at least. And I’m not too mad about her taking the name Skywalker, I guess since she just has to be a Palpatine, I wouldn’t wanna keep the Palpatine name either. And so as far as I know her and Ben are fucking married so let her take on the family name.

Was that ending what I would consider satisfying though? No, not really. Her lightsaber is cool and I’m glad she has one, but not still not satisfied.

Why am I not satisfied you might ask.

Here’s why.

Now if this is me excepting the fact of the matter that Ben is dead. I mainly have a problem with the fact that the ending is almost too vague and gives the audience little to no explanation. Sure I can be left to my assumptions and I’ll get to those, but the majority of the audiences initial interpretation of that ending is, Rey is now going to be just as she started, alone on a desert planet…like bro wtf. This could have been explained so much better, especially the fact that we specifically see Luke and Leia as force ghost. Look I’m gonna assume since I see no ghost Ben is either still with/part of Rey…or because there’s a chance of him coming back. But you could have explained it so much better, and I’m gonna read the novelization with hopes that there is a better explanation. The ending as a whole just felt incomplete, maybe because it was a lack of explanation or maybe something else. But this was suppose to be the end of 9 movies, you can explain yourself a bit more.

Now lemme talk about Bens death. While I would never accept him dying any other way, his death is what I would consider to be unnecessary. And I’m repeating what I said before, but I agree he finished what Vader started, saving the one they love from death, but that doesn’t mean he had to die. Like there’s literally in terms of the plot was no reason for him to die, it doesn’t further anything. Yes Rey is alive, but this is Star Wars all you have to say is “because the force wills it” and that’s all the explanation you would need. Oh Rey and Ben both get to live because the force wills it, because they are Dyad in the force, because they are the balance in the force. Live together, die together. They literally did not say anything about the consequences of force healing, so you literally have freedom to do whatever want. It would not have been impossible for Ben to of had a future, maybe not go to the resistance, but his life, his actual life was just beginning. Since he was in his mother’s womb he was being manipulated by Snoke, his life is turned upside down when his uncle was going to kill him, he runs to the one person he trusts in the galaxy who just so happens to turn out to be his abuser. He gets to be Ben solo for 15 minutes, has literally less than a minute of pure happiness…AND THEN KILL HIM. What’s the point?!?! JJ you literally retconed yourself with the whole die together thing and then kill ONE of them…how do you fuck yourself that badly. IT WAS LITERALLY IN THE SAME SEQUENCE.

And what’s the point of Rey looking at a group of children, probably wondering what it would be like to have a family to then leave her alone like that!

“I always hated that in movies, when you go along and one of the main characters gets killed. It’s a fairytale. You want everybody to live happily ever after and nothing bad happens.” - George fucking Lucas

And yes of course some people will die, it’s a war after all. But when he talks about this journey with a character, it’s not only cliche and over done, it’s just not necessary. Especially when it’s Star Wars a space fairytale where it should end with “and they all lived happily ever after.”

And let me give you perspective from those around me who never shipped Reylo. Firstly a friend who I saw it with my second time around who we’ve talked before about how she’s had in summary said “well I like Kylo more than I like Hux or Snoke.” And her leaving that theatre left her saying “I never realized how much I love Ben Solo.” And then was crushed by the fact that they decided to kill him. Another instance in my step sister who I encouraged to watch Star Wars, though she had no interest, she watched all the movies to humor me. And she knows I ship Reylo, and knows Ben is one of my favorite characters. We saw the movie last night and she, who has no attachment to him at all literally texted me about him dying and said “THAT WAS DEPRESSING” followed it by “I liked it. Like it wasn’t bad. But why did he die. That was totally unnecessary.” And we talked about the ending and how she did perceive Rey as being lonely on Tatooine. And I don’t wanna generalize what the general audiences perception is…but for a lot of people who don’t look too deeply into things, or theorize what things could mean, that’s what they are more than likely going to think.

Anyways, if I had my hands in on this Ben would not be dead. They would kiss, profess each others love. Ben would tell her to go to her friends and to meet him later. Rey would go and celebrate and then tell them she needs to go. She flies the falcon and meets up with Ben, ideally on Naboo. They take the lightsabers Padme’s mausoleum and leave the lightsabers there. Both Ben and Rey rebuild their lightsabers. Bens lightsaber would be white because let’s just say he somehow gets his crystal back and heals it, and Rey’s yellow. It ends with them in the field where Anakin and Padme once were and watch the sunset.

Hm…I don’t know about you but that sounds pretty fucking satisfying.

Now I could get into the fact that I do believe there are deleted scenes, there are different endings and they really thought that was the most satisfying one. And personally I would like to see them, so DFL if you see this, bring it on, you owe us this. That and if you were to give me comics or a novelization of Ben Solo bring brought back to life via world between worlds or whatsoever I will would like that and appreciate it. It’s not like it’s the first time you killed a character and then said “ha you thought they were dead but they’re not.” I just really think Ben deserves more time than what he was given. But I’m not gonna go crazy about how the ending was fucked around with or the alternative ones, I know it’s out there, and a lot of other people have already made post on it.

The movie as a whole is just kinda one big missed opportunity. Not all of it was bad, it had some moments, some things that I even really enjoyed. I appreciated them building onto the force bonds, but I give that credit for Rian cause those wouldn’t have happened without him. And it also just bothers me that JJ really just tried to take the long way around and stretch things around to make it fit with what Rian wrote. When in reality you had a great set up. You have some kind of insight into Rey, that she is drawn to the dark. Ben is supreme leader now what could that mean, and what could Hux possibly be up to. We could have seen some of the rebuilding of the resistance. The idea that maybe it is time for the Jedi order to end, that Ben is right that it’s time to let old things die, the Jedi and sith. And they just messed with it to no end to kinda make sense but, took the most complicated and exhausting route to get to where they did.

My roommate and I literally sat for about an hour discussing what we would have done and realized we had a more cohesive story that lines up with where Rian left off. Like…they really used all their brain cells on how to make Rey being a Palpatine work when that didn’t have to be a thing, they focused all their energy on making Palpatine be part of the whole movie which was not necessary, for the whole plot.

So this isn’t left on an negative, everyone performance wise was amazing. All this above is not a reflection on any of the actors. Daisy showed some incredible growth as an actress and in Rey. Adam was amazing as always and is truly a genius when it comes to understanding his character. Oscar and John were on point, and as far as I know Finn and Poe end up settling down together and stormpilot is canon in my eyes. All my love to The ENTIRE cast.

I know this was a lot, if you actually read all of this I really appreciate it. A lot of this I needed to just get off my chest. I’ll probably have more things to say later on, maybe my mind will change after thinking about something. But for now this is it. Thanks for reading this, hope it all makes sense. I hate to ever say negative things, I like to be positive and optimistic but it’s better to not suppress any of these feeling either.

May the force be with all of you. Always.

[icannotreadcursive]

Cats 2019, Dir. Tom Hooper

Overall Quality ⭐️1/5

Entertainment Value ⭐️1/5

Story ⭐️1/5

Visuals and Craft ⭐️⭐️2/5

There is so much potential for artistic and cinematic greatness in a modern, high budget film adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's beloved, though admittedly peculiar, musical Cats. Tom Hooper's attempt squanders every drop of that potential. I expected it to be bad, just based on the trailer. I was prepared for it to be an unmitigated disaster. Somehow it managed to be worse that I ever imagined. It is the worst movie I have ever seen.

Cats is a very weird musical—among theatre folk it's pretty strictly a you love it or you hate it show, with some people falling in a third camp where it's not really their cup of tea and they're really not fans, but they can't help but acknowledge that the show is high quality theatre, regardless of how kitschy and odd it is.  There are a lot of people, myself included, though, who love this musical. They are a built in audience of thousands, possibly millions, and they are who this movie should have been made for. The filmmakers' first mistake among many was that instead of making a Cats movie for the people who love Cats as it is, they tried to make a Cats movie for the people who don't get it and don't like it. That was an incredibly stupid decision. You're never going to bring those people around, it's a waste of time and resources to try, and the most damning thing is that all the baffling changes the filmmakers made to the musical and its story to try and make it more palatable to those who don't like the show as it exists, only serve to alienate the diehard Cats fans who should have been their strongest supporters.

Every problem in Tom Hooper's Cats comes down to gross misunderstanding of the source material and what people enjoy about it, and a shocking degree of disrespect for the show and its characters.  I can comfortably call myself something of an expert on Cats in the theatre—I've seen several productions, been in one, written academic papers about the show, and the book of poetry upon which its based, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats by T.S. Eliot, sits on the shelf about ten feet from me as I type this review. I do not expect anyone to have the same intensity of interest or depth of understanding for Cats as I do; it wouldn't be reasonable. But I do expect anyone making a film adaptation of anything to put effort and serious thought into their project, and to care for and appreciate the source material they're working with. No one in decision making positions on this film seems to have done that. I wouldn't be surprised if I learned that neither Tom Hooper nor screenwriter Lee Hall had ever even seen the show.

Where even to begin with all the bizarre and terrible choices that went into this dumpster fire of a film?  This is going to take a while; there's a lot bad filmaking to break down on several levels.

Broad strokes, the movie completely misunderstands what the plot of the stage show actually is, then proceeds to shoehorn in new and unnecessary scenes in what I can only imagine is an attempt to make the plot make more sense. This fails spectacularly, since they're wrong in the first place about what the plot is, thus they succeed only in destroying the actual story of the show, muddying the overcomplicated and misguided narrative they've hamhandedly cobbled together, and interrupt the natural flow of what is supposed to be a sung-through musical such that the entire thing drags on like a last hour math class on Friday before school break.  This is worsened by the fact that the film stops dead in the middle of musical numbers several times for the sake of uninspired, usually offensive, and extraneous gags.

To be clear, the plot of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Cats, as spelled out fairly explicitly by Munkustrap early in the show, is that every year, one night on the full moon, all the members of a tribe of cats called the Jellicles get together to have a big party called the Jellicle Ball, at the end of which their leader, Old Deuteronomy, selects one member of the tribe who has lived a full life and can now be reborn. Over the course of the Ball, several prominent members of the tribe get songs sung about them.  The general vibe is very much big family reunion where your uncles, siblings, grandparents, and cousins tell stories about what they've been up to since you last saw them, or about how things were back in their day, depending.

The plot of Tom Hooper's Cats is that every year, one night on the full moon, a bunch of cats get together, allegedly to have a party called the Jellicle Ball, even though most of the movie they seem to be more or less aimlessly wandering the same two or three streets, and over the course of the party some of them sing songs about themselves as part of a competition to try to convince their leader, Old Deuteronomy, that they are the one she should pick to be reborn so they can come back and be “who they really want to be.” This year, it just so happens that a completely unrelated cat has been abandoned in the exact back ally where the Jellicles are hanging out before the Ball. Oh, and this year this one other cat, Macavity, has decided to kidnap all of the other cats that are competing to be chosen to be reborn, so he'll be the only contestant left and Old Deuteronomy will have to pick him.

The idea that the cats with individual songs about them are competing to be chosen to be reborn is a pretty common misunderstanding of the show, but it's one that doesn't hold up to much scrutiny.  For one thing, several of the individual songs take place before Old Deuteronomy arrives at the Ball, so the songs clearly are not being presented to Deuteronomy for judgment. For another, most of the characters who have individual songs come across as quite young, only one (Gus) is elderly, and if you pay any attention to the lyrics of their songs, these cats are loving their lives. It makes no sense that they would want to die and give up the lives they are still living to their fullest. Clearly no one involved in this movie bothered to take even two seconds to think that through. As for the idea that the chosen cat comes back as “who they really want to be,” I have no idea where the filmmakers got that.

The central themes of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Cats are identity, community, and dignity. The film kind of, sort of keeps the theme of identity, at least as far as they kept in most of the song “The Naming of Cats,” which is about identity, sense of self, and the difference between how one is seen by others and how one sees oneself. They omit roughly half the song.

The theme of community is mostly lost, and what little of it remains is twisted strangely by the decision to make Victoria an outsider. In the stage show, all the cats are Jellicles, they are tribe, a family, and they are proud of it. Grizabella is ostracized because she left a long time ago and, it seems, abandoned the tribe. So, now that she's old and lonely and wants to come home, they don't want her back. The emotional climax of the show is when, after the iconic lament of lost youth and righteous demand to be respected as an individual that is “Memory,” Victoria reaches out and touches Grizabella, accepting her back into the tribe and recognizing her as a fellow with the first feline contact Grizabella has had the entire show. This moment is robbed entirely of its power in Tom Hooper's film, largely because all of Grizabella's agency has been taken from her and given to Victoria. Instead of Grizabella stepping up for herself and asserting that she is still a part of this community and deserves to be treated with respect, Victoria physically escorts her in and instructs her to sing. Bear in mind that in the context of the film, Victoria is not a member of the tribe, she's just been inexplicably allowed to tag along, and thus is in no position to be the one accepting Grizabella back.

When it comes to dignity, Grizabella suffers as well. Not only is she stripped of her agency, but “Memory” is turned into a melodramatic self-pitying mess. Bad directoral choices remove every bit of strength and self esteem Grizabella has, especially during that song, which is an unforgivable waste of Jennifer Hudson. Almost every other character is treated as badly, or worse.

Macavity is taken from a truly frightening and threatening—but sexy—figure of mystery and demoted to pathetic, desperate cartoon villain that I think was supposed to be funny. He wasn't funny. This was a waste of Idris Elba, an excellent actor who could have brought refreshing and terrifying depth to what is an often neglected character.

Rum Tum Tugger does not have his usual badboy rockstar jerk with a heart of gold persona, he's just an egotistical asshole.

Grizabella, Macavity, and Tugger are the only characters in the film who visually read as POC through all the CG. They are all pathetic, unlikable, or both. Intentional or not, that feels really racist.

Bombalurina loses her entire character. Instead of a lovable rogue, member of the tribe who knows a questionable amount about Macavity, which gives her her own air of mystery, she's reduced to a flat, weirdly sexualized henchman. This may in part be due to Taylor Swift being too expensive to give more screen time, so they couldn't allow the character to breathe. If that's the case, they should not have cast Taylor Swift—she's not a bad choice for the role, but she is not worth destroying the character for. She certainly hasn't helped the film so much as break even on its budget.

Gus the Theatre Cat is played by Sir Ian McKellen, who is probably the best actor alive on the planet for that role, they could not have cast anyone better, and yet they waste him as well. Gus is old, Gus is physically and mentally feeble, but—on stage—the tribe still love and respect him. In the film, he's framed as pitiable, even laughable.  The ageism isn't as overt as it could have been, but it is sickening.

Bustopher Jones (James Corden) and Jennyanydots (Rebel Wilson) are treated worst of all. Both characters are usually portrayed as on the heavy side. Bustopher is directly described in his song as “remarkably fat,” and Jennyanydots tends matronly by theatre tradition. Both characters are unambiguously described as very proper and clean freaks. The filmmakers elected to ignore this characterization in favor of making them both crude, messy, food obsessed slobs, which is shockingly fatphobic.

The only characters who come out more or less unscathed are Old Deuteronomy and Munkustrap. I personally do not agree with the casting of Dame Judy Dench as Old Deuteronomy, the gender flip strikes me as unnecessary and a cheap grab at woke points, but I love Dame Judy and she is a fantastic actor. She brings the grace and poise the role requires and embodies the character as well as anyone could in the middle of such a mess. For his part, Robbie Fairchild as Munkustrap benefits from neglect. The filmakers don't seem to have given Munkustrap much thought or much direction—the role is unchanged from the stage show, except, maybe in that the film doesn't allow him to be as central a character, since it's so obsessively focused on Victoria. Fairchild himself clearly studied Munkustraps in other productions. He feels like the same character, even in how he moves, while still making the role his own.

Several characters are simply deleted. Jemima is awkwardly combined with Victoria, who keeps getting other characters' agency and purpose bestowed upon her, yet isn't allowed to have her crowning moment of awesome in the White Cat Dance to herself. Demeter supposedly exists in the film, played by Daniela Norman, but gets left out of her main musical number so that Taylor Swift can hog it. Jellylorum is omitted entirely, which leaves Gus seeming both isolated and full of himself.

The visual effects are awful. Trying to make the cats look “realistic” was a horrible choice, and poorly executed. The faces are all far too human, and everyone looks uncomfortably naked.  The ears and tails aren't an inherently bad idea, but the tails are too long and move too much and just wind up being creepy. Frequently, characters' feet do not look like they're in contact with the floor—Gollum in Lord of the Rings was better rendered and incorporated eighteen years ago. On the subject of feet, some cats have shoes, all of which look somehow wrong, and those that are barefoot have extremely unsettling hybrids of human feet and cat paws. Once, Victoria seems to dance en pointe barefoot on those mutant toes, which illicited in me a visceral body horror. Much of the character design is just baffling. Victoria, whose defining physical characteristic is that she is the one white cat in the tribe, is not a white cat. She has spots now for some reason. Jennyanydots takes off her skin to reveal bedazzled fur, hot pants, and a halter top underneath. Skimbleshanks looks like a rejected member of the Village People. I can't tell if Deuteronomy's fur is supposed to be her fur or a coat.

The cats are inconsistent in size with relation to the world around them, and that world is inconsistent is seeming like it's for humans or for cats played by humans.

The music from the show is great, and should have been a redeeming quality in the film, but they managed to screw that up too. Almost every song has the life drained out of it, which is not the fault of the actors, all of whom I know from their previous work to be strong enough performers to carry their roles, if only they had been directed well. I've already discussed how “Memory” was ruined. “Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer” is unrecognizable, the tune and many lyrics are changed. Despite the 1930s-ish setting, several songs have been pop-ified or hiphop-ified seemingly at random. There are weird lyric changes throughout, often taking the form of altered verb tense, that serve no discernible purpose. The film is apparently allergic to group musical numbers, so sections that are usually sung in groups get split up one line at a time, which does not work, and all the cats that have individual songs sing about themselves rather than their peers singing about them, which makes them all come across as self centered and narcissistic.

Cats is a musical usually marked by having a huge among of excellent dancing. The dancing here is all awkward and often unsettling. Additionally, the language of movement companies of actors performing cats usually exhibit that lets them read as feline is entirely lacking. Robbie Fairchild is the only one who seems to try at all. To his credit, he succeeds.

The best we can hope for this film is that it quickly fades of public memory. To the cast, I hope they at least had fun making fools of themselves. To T.S. Eliot, I'm sorry this happened. To Andrew Lloyd Webber, how did you let this happen? To Tom Hooper, your movie is bad and you should feel bad.

The worst thing about this unredeemable disaster of a film is the handful of times you can just catch a glimpse through all the bad decisions and worse CGI of how good it might have been.

[immigrationquebeccanada]

21 Amazing Things You Should Know Before You Migrate to Canada

It's hard not to get eager about Canada migration. The place is delightful and the people are renowned for their good characters. You have a bowl of maple syrup for breakfast, ski to work and say 'sorry' to everybody en route. Simply be mindful so as not to chance upon any bears. We'd prefer to disclose to you all the most significant things about existence in the Great White North, from ice-hockey and twofold duplicates to packed away milk. So, read on!

1. Canada is huge

Canada's extraordinary for people who like it, in light of the fact that there's totally heaps of it. The nation is the second biggest on the world after Russia estimating almost ten million square kilometers. In the event that that doesn't mean anything to you, think about this: you could fit the United Kingdom into Canada more than 40 times. It would take you more than four years to walk its coastline, in the event that you ever wanted. The city of St John's in Newfoundland (east coast) is in reality nearer to London than it is to Vancouver (west coast). Wood Buffalo National Park is greater than the Netherlands. To make everything a touch more reasonable, Canada is divided into ten provinces and three territories. Simply take the nation each piece in turn.

  2. The cities are world class

Metropolitan life in Canada is the honey bee's knees. In the Economist's 2017 ranking of the world's most liveable urban areas, no under three Canadian urban communities put in the best ten. They were Vancouver (third), Toronto (fourth) and Calgary (fifth). The five variables were medical services, education, infrastructure, environment, and stability. It's hard to believe, but it's true, these urban communities are basically asking to be lived in. With regards to the significant stuff, the Canucks just ca-thump the ball directly out of the park. One thing to be cleared , the capital of Canada is Ottawa, not Toronto.

3. It’s very multicultural

People simply love moving to Canada, and Canada simply adores having them over. Over 20% of Canadians were conceived in another nation, and this is required to reach almost half by 2031. That is an insane pace of migration, however there's all that anyone could need space to go around. There are almost 200 nationalities the nation over (and more than 250 ethnic origins), including heaps of Aboriginal people. We surmise Canada is only a major, lovely rainbow.

  4. Two official languages

One authority language was insufficient for the Canadians, so English and French have equivalent status over yonder. In the event that you believe that sounds troublesome, envision being in Singapore (four official languages) or India (sixteen official languages). You don't generally see the Frenchness of the nation except if you're in the eastern territory of Quebec, where people are making a decent attempt to keep things as French as could reasonably be expected. There are laws upheld by the OQLF (essentially the language police) to ensure everybody utilizes enough French. In the event that a shop doesn't put French on its signs and welcome its clients in French, it's in difficulté.

  5. You’ve got good healthcare options

Canada's medical services are the jealousy of their American neighbors toward the south. It's an expense financed Medicare system where the government pays for people's fundamental health insurance, which is then conveyed by the private area. It resembles the NHS; in the event that you require any fundamental clinical services, you get them for free. It just includes a touch of waiting.

Indeed, Canada's hold up times aren't incredible; a 2017 Commonwealth Fund survey found that solitary 43% of Canadians see a medical professional around the same time as looking for help. Luckily there are heaps of ways around this, for example, being companions with a doctor, marrying a doctor,, or surely becoming a doctor. All joking aside, considering your private healthcare options is really reasonable, especially in the event that you need to evade those long holding up times.

  6. The landscapes are beautiful

Indeed, the urban areas are good, however the spaces between the cities are far and away superior. 90% of Canadians live inside 100 miles of the American borders, which implies there's a genuine measure of space for investigating in the north. In the event that you need to move away from different people for some time (or surely forever) at that point the open door's there. Beside bubbling deserts and tropical rainforests, Canada basically has each scene going. There's the tough coastline of Pacific Rim, the supernatural Meadows in the Sky, and the rock piles of Gros Morne, to give some examples. The Alberta Badlands are especially very nice in the event that you need to feel like a cowpoke in an old western film. Yee-haw!

  7. Lakes, lakes and more lakes

You know the familiar axiom: everybody's either a freshwater individual or a saltwater individual? Indeed, with the longest coastline on the planet and 20% of the Earth's lakes, Canada has the best of the two universes. New people and pungent people can live respectively in concordance. There are around 2,000,000 lakes in Canada, including the totally walloping Lake Superior, which is about the size of Maine. You can do all the fun watersports that the Australians do, however without stressing over the sharks. It's one major straightforward sprinkle party over yonder.

  8. It’s freezing cold

There's a bad situation for words like 'chilly and 'nippy' in Canada. At the point when we state it gets cold, we mean truly ridiculous cold. Aside from the nation's west coast in British Columbia, no place else in Canada does the normal temperature surpass zero in winter time. Tremendous pieces of the nation can plunge as low as - 30°C or - 40°C, which makes going outside genuinely unenjoyable. Toss in the serious breeze chill and nature are an off limits. The coldest temperature ever recorded in North America was in Yukon, Canada in 1947 at - 63°C, which is truly equivalent to the surface temperature of Mars. Out of nowhere those lakes don't appear to be engaging.

  9. They’re obsessed with ice-hockey

Hitting a weighty item around with sticks wasn't hazardous enough for the Canadians, so they chose to do it on ice. What else would you say you are intended to do with each one of those solidified lakes in the winter? Referred to just as "hockey" over yonder, the sports is fundamentally a religion. Just to give you a thought, the Canada versus USA men's hockey last at the Vancouver Olympics in 2010 was the most watched in front of the TV broadcast in Canadian history. There's even an image of children playing hockey on a solidified lake (known as shinny) on the Canadian $5 bill. It turns out the game was really developed in England, but don't tell any Canadians that.

10. Milk comes in bags

On the off chance that you think purchasing a major plastic sack of milk sounds odd, you are completely right. It's a peculiar practice that goes on all through Ontario and Quebec. Three individual bags of milk are set in one bigger sack, which the sharp Canadian milk-consumer at that point hauls home. The customary container of milk appears to work for every other person, yet in certain pieces of Canada it's the bag or nothing. When the nation changed to the metric system in 1970, milk makers needed to change every one of their machines so they could create diverse estimated bottles. Bagging it up just appeared to be much simpler. So here we are.

  11. Everyone loves poutine

Poutine is Canada's public dish. "Poutine" is slang in Quebec province for "a mess", which is essentially what you get. Chips shrouded in sauce and half-dissolved cheddar curds. It doesn't seem like an especially humble supper, yet the Canadians love it in no way different. It was invented in 1957 when a driver requested that somebody put cheddar on his chips and sauce. One person needed a touch of cheddar and out of nowhere a public dish was conceived. Gourmet specialists around the nation have attempted to make it a touch more extravagant, tossing in things like lobster and foie gras, however it's a losing fight. Simply keep an eye out for those calories; a side request of poutine in Burger King contains 740 of them. Heavy meal.

  12. And maple syrup

Truly, the generalization is valid; Canadians are distraught for maple syrup. That sweet, sweet goo can be found in virtually every kitchen the nation over. The stuff basically courses through their veins. Maple trees are all over Canada and they're wonderful, turning a brilliant red shading in the fall. Some time ago, locals in Quebec told the French the best way to gather the sap from maple trees, and afterward the French bubbled it to make the syrup. It was an upbeat coordinated effort that Canada is extremely glad for. The bubbling cycle expands the sugar content in the sap from around 2-8% to a monstrous 70%, which is completely unfortunate for your teeth. Today, Canada produces 71% of the world's maple syrup, and the US is their greatest client. In 2012, thieves attacked Canada's maple syrup holds and took US$30 million worth of maple syrup. That is one sweet heist.

  13. They had a flag design competition

How would you make a public banner that the entire nation is happy with? You request that they plan it. In 1965, Canada understood that they actually didn't have an official banner, so the people at the top concluded they ought to get one. Different nations had just taken all the straightforward plans, so the Canadians needed to get imaginative. Furthermore, kid did they convey! An aggregate of 3541 banner plans were put together by residents the nation over, with the vast majority of them including either a maple leaf, a beaver, a fleurs-de-lys or a Union Jack (and now and then each of the four on the double). The triumphant passage originated from Colonel George F. G. Stanley, with his basic red and white maple leaf plan. The one we as a whole know and love. Also, the one that all Canadian voyagers demand having on their knapsacks.

  14. The education is top notch

In Canada, school is cool. With regards to showing their children, the Canadians don't play. In the OECD's 2017 positioning of nations' grown-up training levels (in light of the level of long term olds with a degree), Canada started things out with 56.27%. It may be awful for your teeth, however maple syrup unmistakably accomplishes something for the mind. In the event that you end up in a bar test against a lot of Canadians, it's likely best to return home before it gets excessively humiliating.

  15. Learn the slang

'Canadian English' is an extraordinary sort of English. The Canucks talk their own language and it can confound the hellfire out of any ill-equipped outsider. There are just so often you can request that somebody rehash themselves before you simply gesture and grin. The most popular expression is 'eh', which Canadians like to slap on the finish of practically any sentence. Explanations, questions, affronts, orders; everything is reasonable game with regards to 'eh'. In the event that somebody goes to the "biffy" at that point they're set for the latrine. In the event that it's cool, at that point you'll require a "hat" (a beanie) on your head. A $1 coin is a "loonie" and a $2 coin is a "toonie". The lively word for a kilometer is a "klick". On the off chance that anybody converses with you about "the 6ix", they're discussing Toronto. At the point when they state "about", it seems like "aboat". It's all exceptionally overpowering.

  16. Sorry!

"Sorry" is Canada's most significant word. Each Canadian is only edgy to apologize to different Canadians at some random chance. They're a broadly obliging pack, and "sorry" is their meat and potatoes. Toss enough "sorry"s at a circumstance and there is no reason to worry. Stroll down a road or through a grocery store and you'll hear constantly it. Actually, Canadians utilize the word such a great amount of that in 2009 they needed to pass an 'Expression of remorse Act' in Ontario. It implies that if any Canadian says 'sorry' at the hour of a wrongdoing or episode, it won't consider an affirmation of blame – only a declaration of compassion. Without this, there'd presumably be a ton of regretful Canadians in jail.

  17. Timmies is everywhere

In a rundown of exceptionally Canadian things, Tim Hortons is likely third – soon after maple syrup and expressions of remorse. Referred to warmly as 'Timmies', it's a chain of espresso and doughnut shops and there are branches all over the place. They're in shopping centers, train stations, films, public stops, the rundown goes on. Practically every town across Canada has a Timmies. On the off chance that a space opens up on the high road, it will get loaded up with a Timmies. Leave your nursery sufficiently long and it will in the end grow a Timmies. Evidently eight out of each ten cups of espresso bought in Canada are from Timmies (source: Timmies). A public most loved is the Timmies "twofold", which is an espresso with two sugars and two creams. An additional huge one of those has 340 calories. Have too some twofold pairs and you'll be in a tough situation inconvenience.

  18. Canada’s furry friends

The moose and the beaver are Canada's public mascots. They're both on the cash, and the pair of them were lining up directly behind the maple leaf to go on the banner. Nonetheless, likewise with most public creatures, they've gotten somewhat of a bug. A moose regularly weighs between 350-450kg (contingent upon sexual orientation), which is fine. Be that as it may, they simply love to go across streets, and they're not awesome at it. Moose-vehicle impacts can be intense, so you'll see heaps of caution signs on Canadian streets. The beavers are planning something sinister either. They're assaulting canines, gnawing hands, flooding streets and just for the most part causing devastation. Certain people have attempted to separate them however it's exceptionally disputable. Simply take a gander at how adorable a child beaver is (called a unit). Envision separating that.

  19. Beware of the bears

Canadian bears. They're somewhat less "fun and fleecy" than the beavers and a smidgen more "large and perilous". In the event that a bear needs to murder you, it can and it will. There are three sorts of bears to stress over, from least to generally terrifying: wild bears, mountain bears and polar bears. Wild bears don't will in general go close to people except if they're really starving. They're incredible tree-climbers and there are around 500,000 of them the nation over. Wild bears are a lot greater (around seven feet tall when standing), so they can't climb trees however they can run more than 30 mph. Numbering around 20,000, grizzlies are considerably more liable to assault people than their little dark siblings. At last, there are the polar bears. There are around 17,000 polar bears in Canada, which is about 70% of the whole worldwide populace. Super cold, these ones need no encouragement to assault you. Inhabitants of Churchill, Manitoba really leave their vehicle entryways opened on the off chance that somebody needs cover. Fortunately polar bears actually haven't turned out to be the means by which to open a vehicle entryway.

20. There are bridges for animals

One answer for all the creature vehicle crashes in Canada is to assemble spans for them. Also, it really works. The extensions are lush, verdant and only a stunning method to go across the street. They're a raving success with the creatures in Banff National Park; somewhere in the range of 1996 and 2012, eleven types of enormous vertebrate were recorded utilizing these scaffolds more than 150,000 times. This incorporates moose and bears – creatures that would positively have caused a genuine mishap in the event that they took the standard street course. Certain moose were so quick to utilize the extensions that they were traverse them before they'd even completed the process of being assembled. Banff has started the precedent and now puts across Canada have connect fever, for example, British Columbia and Alberta. It's a success win for all.

  21. Pekwachnamaykoskwaskwaypinwanik

It may seem as though a feline has quite recently strolled over the console, yet this is really a spot in Canada. It's a lake and its name (in the local Cree language) signifies "where the wild trout are gotten by fishing with snares". Magnificently, there is no deficiency of crazy spot names in Canada. A few people simply haven't accepted the position genuinely enough. Look at these towns and towns: Goobies, Dildo (Newfoundland), Balls Creek, Lower Economy, Mushaboom (Nova Scotia), Punkeydoodles Corners, Crotch Lake, Ball's Falls (Ontario), Finger, Flin Flon (Manitoba), Mosquito Grizzly Bear's Head Lean Man, Eyebrow and Big Beaver (Saskatchewan). The best part is that there's Saint-Louis-du-Ha! Ha! In Quebec. Indeed, there are really two 'Ha!'s.

Final Thoughts

Ideally you're feeling beautiful Canada-insane in the wake of understanding that. It's a tremendous, lovely and multicultural nation with all that anyone could need enjoyable to go around. Get yourself a hockey stick and a bag of milk and you'll be an out and out Canadian before you know it. What's more, you shouldn't let the bears put you off – they simply make going external a smidgen all the more energizing. Now are you excited to move in Canada?

[annakie]

An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Six

Wherein we get out into space and explore a bit, and complete our crew.

And post a lot of gifs, because screenshots were lost.

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

So I use the NVidia Control Panel app to take screenshots and videos.  Since it’s already running and it takes good shots it seems dumb to not use it.

I ended up being super busy this week and didn’t play much, just got through like, talking to Kaidan after the big speech on the bridge more or less for the entire week, and through Therum.  I updated my drivers a day or two ago.  And then I didn’t notice that for whatever reason, yesterday when I went to play for a few hours, NVidia decided to record videos just fine, but not take screenshots.  I probably actually mashed the button several hundred times.... but all I got were videos.

Most of it wasn’t a great loss, it was a lot of talking to the crew, and a few planetary missions which... so I’m going to have to go back and redo some of it later for screenshots.

But I thought... hey, for posting on tumblr, I’ll just make it a shorter update and make a few gifs and most this a mostly-gif post!  That’ll be fun!

...and then I spent several hours making almost 80 gifs, including a lot of what I also had screenshots for but thought making gifs would be more fun.  

I mean I was watching the last few eps of the newest season of Great British Bake Off on Netflix, and a few other shows this morning so it wasn’t just gif time... but yeah I made a lot.  So I might split this into two posts now because... that’s a lot of gifs. This post will still have a lot of screenshots, too.  So here we go!

There are so many things to love about this moment.  It’s such a great like, re-launch of the game... Bioware telling us “Okay, now you know the plot, you know all the major players, you know a lot about our world (galaxy) and how it works and who lives here, now, it’s time for you to go out on your own.”

First, it starts with being able to vent a little to Joker, which is a nice touch.  Shepard might feel guilty about taking the ship over from Anderson, but Joker also assures us here, a great preview of the way he’s tasked with helping Shepard keep it together in ME3.

I love seeing Shepard’s words affect the crew.  The swelling music, the same as the “you’re a Spectre now!!” music just underscores the journey, and what’s to come.

I used to always miss this scene by not picking the right speech option, and would be mad Kaidan was left out of this montage.  My fault!

This moment is so beautiful and epic.

...and here we go.

ALOT, btw, makes the galaxy map so pretty.  Sharper and clearer and more colorful.  

We all usually just head to Liara’s Dig Site first, right?  Unless you’re doing one of those “Pick up Liara last just to see what happens” playthroughs?  I did that once. It felt weird.  And sad, when you tell her “oops I killed your mom and I’m not sorry.”  Seems like she shouldn’t have gotten over that so quickly, but well, that’s game design.  The entire plot just doesn’t feel the same and more flimsy without Liara around from the start.

I usually do Therum --> Feros --> Noveria --> Virmire.

Well okay, first a stop at Edolus, since, you know, it’s on the way.

What a LOVELY day, nothing could possibly go wrong on this barren world. I feel like they gave us a pretty easy-to-get-around-on world to start out with.

I honestly love driving around in the mako 90% of the time?  Once you’re used to the controls, it’s not that hard to get most places you want to go.  Though I admit the Nomad in Andromeda is a big upgrade.  I kinda miss it in ME2 and ME3, though I only do what driving is necessary in Overlord and skip Firewalker like, half the time.

First, let’s check out the map...

I’m pretty sure I didn’t realize you could mark your destination on the map and it’d put a handy arrow on your radar until I started playing on PC.  Before then I was checking the map every 5 seconds making SURE I was going the right way.  *facepalm*  

Generally my scanning strategy on the planet is... just go to the things on the map, but do go to ALL the things on the map.  If I see something along the way, stop and get it.  I don’t go way out of my way to look for unmarked stuff.  Usually the UNC missions can be completed doing that + complete planet / asteroid scanning.

Oh hey here’s a guy, let’s just grab what we can off him...

UGH.  MINIGAMES.

Like I get that the minigame is a stand in for “looking for clues, are you successful in finding anything useful?” or whatever but it’s still just the worst.  A minigame is fun occasionally, making it as a gate to something like looting a body is stupid.  I guess I have to forgo actually putting points into things that keep Kaidan alive at the early levels so he can help me... loot bodies.  Cool.  Great.

Since I’m cheating in credits, all weapons and armor get medigelled almost immediately so that I don’t have to do the minigame later on when they get harder, like, ever.

The ME2 minigames at least make a little more sense than this moving puzzler thing.  That’s at least an attempt to look like some kind of code hacking or rewiring/reprogramming.  This thing is just... silly.

ME2 has a disable minigames mod... so there will be no talk of minigames from here on out.  They don’t exist after the easy minigames early on in ME1.

So I ... somehow managed to not get video or screenshots of you know the ICONIC THRESHER MAW attack on Edolus?  So please enjoy this gif I made of it back in 2013 instead.

It’s such a great fakeout and moment.  Like “Oh man how easy my goal is like right in front of me!  That’s great, so easy!” then OH HELL NO, FUCK YOU, GIANT WORM!!

These gifs are from another planet later on, but they’ll do.

My normal MO with Maws is to get out of the way, far enough that they can’t appear too close to or especially under me, but close enough that they do still show up, then stay stationary and jump over the goo while shooting at it.

YOU’RE FACING THE OTHER WAY HOW DID YOU SPIT AT ME?!

This is fine.  EVERYTHING IS FINE. We’re just A LITTLE ON FIRE.  Our shields are at full...

Oh hell, Kaidan slap some medigel on it, please.

Even though we don’t know who Cerberus is yet, FUCK YOU CERBERUS. I always bring the VS to any Cerberus mission because THEY WERE RIGHT NOT TO JOIN YOU IN CERBERUS.  Let’s keep a FUCK YOU CERBERUS count going to remember all the horrible shit we SAW Cerberus do in ME1 to remind ourselves why Ashley or Kaidan is the only SANE ONE for going “No, sorry, I’m not joining you in Cerberus.”

Deep breath

OK, let’s go get Liara.

Wrex comes with us to Therum.

Dear Lord, Therum is gorgeous.

This is real nice just a pleasant day on this thresher maw-less planet and great scenery, we’ll find that asari scientist in no ti--- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

Have I mentioned how everything is fine lately?

Well it’s time for how I deal with most of the geth while in the Mako...

Armatures are worth five points each!

Rocket troopers are only two points, but I got a lot of them!

Stopping and fighting in the Mako takes way too long.  Push on through all the way til we’re stopped.

Hm, this is the one I should push, right?

*crickets*

Fine.

Just... real pretty.

I love this part of Therum right here.  A really great, scary fight that feels so dangerous, but winnable.  Great level design, too.

Then this happens.

Does everyone’s hair do that in this cutscene, or just mine, or this hairstyle?

Also, ME3 has a mod now that lets chracters use their correct weapons in cutscenes, my eternal devotion to the modder who could do that in ME1.  None of these characters use assault rifles in-game!!

I’m fairly certain I have played and replayed this fight more than any other in ME1.  AKA RUN FOR COVER OH SHIT AVOID THE BOMBS AND LASERS FLYING AT YOU AT ONCE PLEASE DON’T DIE COMPANIONS PLEASE KILL SOMETHING I CAN’T DO THIS ON MY OWN AHHHHH!!! 

This time around, I died my first time, actually did really well the second time, and decided to go back and record the fight for gifs and... won, barely.  The gifs would not be good.  Wrex and Kaidan didn’t last long. 

Anyway, It’s a great cutscene, but hoo boy I wish it were skippable.

Okay but what were these ruins *for*.  Also, real lucky that they had the boss fight way up here instead of down where Liara was.

Speaking of Liara...

Hello Doctor T’soni!

I have a lot of questions like... how long have you been in that bubble?  How are you sustaining it that long?  How long has it been since you’ve eaten?  If I didn’t come get you until after Virmire, would you have been holding that bubble up for the weeks in between then and now?  

Ah well, you’re here now, and I suppose I’m going to owe you my life later so... welcome to the team.

You gotta admit that’s one badass entrance, though uh, if the forcefield is still up, where did he come from?  Doesn’t matter.  Wrex, let’s kill us one of your brethren (sorry.)

I’ll just *assume* that Liara is too tired from holding up her stasis bubble she was in to actually be USEFUL.

I love the chaos of running the fuck out of there.

Texture popping is still an issue even with a decent computer and texture packs, but at least it’s quick now.

Also I really feel the loss of this conference room in the future games.  The awkward oval table never quite feels the same.  But also, uh, this is a lot of room taken up in this small ship for eight chairs and a holoprojector.  You gotta think there’s more uses for this space than just that.

But yeah, I love these check-ins, it’s a chance for everyone to get together and really hash out what’s going on, as well as reinforcing the plot to the players in a more natural way.  Having Liara this early will let us understand the Protheans better at an earlier stage, even if it turns out she’s wrong about some stuff (though at the time this was written, she was right for all everyone knew.)

Wrex and Garrus don’t talk much here, probably because you can make it through the game without one of them.  I did a “didn’t recruit Garrus” playthrough in ME2 once.  They change like one or two lines then Garrus goes back to talking about Old Times.  So like you CAN, but you really shouldn’t not recruit Garrus, because Bioware didn’t do a great job changing anything aside from your initial greeting during the Omega Archangel mission.

Not recruiting Wrex, though.  Wow that’ll have consequences later on.

OK!  So the gang’s all here, and this post is already very long.  Next time: Let’s go talk to everyone for awhile, and do a few more sidequests because we can’t go back to the Citadel til our persuasion is high enough to grind Mikhailovich’s arguments into the dust!

[babyybitchhh]

I finally got to squeeze in an episode of Naruto this week and, just to recap, the last thing I watched was Asuma’s very emotional and dramatic death scene. Like, that’s literally where I left off.

So can someone explain to my why the fuck I’m supposed to care about Naruto’s clown act right now when the most immediate memory in the forefront of my mind is Shikamaru suffering over the loss of his sensei?? Hello??? This training arc is insanely stupid to begin with, a good half of it doesn’t even make sense (because I CLEARLY remember someone saying that the Uchiha invented that fire ball technique which would imply they’re the only ones who can use it and now all of a sudden Kakashi is rambling for 20 minutes at a time about chakra nature?? As if having fire chakra is a relatively common occurrence not unique to the Uchiha? As if literally anyone with half a braincell could not have come up with the exact same fireball jutsu?? And ofc we cant forget that absolutely none of this earth-wind-fire Captain Planet, “Lets Groove Tonight” bullshit was ever even ALLUDED to before now and I’m about 90% sure Kishimoto actually pulled this one out of his ass) but it’s also extremely distracting from the far more important topic of my mans going through life’s paces.

Like. This is hands down one of my biggest complaints about this godforsaken series. None of the other characters can so much as fucking breathe without one of the main three being somehow involved which wouldn’t be such a big deal if 1. They didn’t get the short end of the stick in this situation with shoddy, halfassed characterization and 2. sasunarusaku didn’t keep getting more and more annoyingly contrived with each passing arc. Like, I’m still pretty pissed that just because Sakura turned to the medical field Ino had to as well (which completely flushed her established character of being a girl who’s not afraid to throw hands down the toilet btw) like since when does Ino give a SHIT what that bitch is doing 👏👏👏 Are you really telling me that Ino felt just as useless as Sakura and thought to herself “hmm, instead of training with my dad or sensei, I guess I’ll just do a complete 180 and study healing!” Like no, bitch. That is not how this works??? I don’t even acknowledge that this shit happened tbh. I do not see it. I’ve suddenly forgotten how to read. I’m Helen Keller in this bitch tonight. Not canon as far as I’m concerned and you CAN quote me on that. ✍️

But back to my main point here which is that Shikamaru really just fucking went through a life changing event - he watched someone he cared about get murdered right in front of his goddamn beautiful eyes and then held him while he died, what the FUCK, that’s traumatic shit - and instead of doing anything to acknowledge that yeah, that happened last week. This episode really just opened right up on Naruto’s dumbass acting a fool and having gay thoughts about Sasuke. I’m so irritated about this and I know Shikamaru gets a scene (but not Ino or Choji, hue hue /sarcasm) where he can freely agonize over the death of his sensei, I’ve seen the bloody screencaps, but that doesn’t change the fact that this training arc has absolutely no business happening right this second. It’s inconceivable. The lead up to the showdown with Kakuzu and Hidan was one thing. Annoying but forgivable. But am I really supposed to go from Shikamaru’s poor little heart breaking to Naruto pining over Sasuke “the one that got away” Uchiha and take it seriously?? As if the mood between the two is even slightly comparable???

GOD, I hate the main three so much. Imagine Naruto without Sasuke, Sakura or ... Naruto. That would be some good shit tbh.

Like, not to compare this trainewreck to what just might be the greatest shonen of all time but when was the last time we saw Gon?? It’s literally been years since he made an appearance in the manga and he’s the MAIN CHARACTER. And let’s not forget the arc where he was flat out in a coma for the entire time lmaooooo Naruto could never.

Okay, okay but listen. I was here for the mystical fire breathing jutsu. I got wet over Kakashi’s lightning. Yamato being the only person capable of using wood jutsu and actually sprouting goddamn branches out of his fucking palms was kind of weird (and dare I say Mary-Sueish?) but I accepted it. Mainly because the smut practically writes itself. I can’t wait to lewd him tbh. But I’ve really gotta draw the line at this chakra nature bullshit. Not because it’s too out there - it actually makes sense in that people will naturally have different affinities or be able to more easily manipulate one element than another, that’s not the problem here - but it’s because of how SILLY the execution is. This story is no longer about ninja, it’s about wizards manipulating their magic powers into different attacks. It’s D&D. It’s Final Fantasy. This is not what I signed up for. (And that’s not even mentioning how, again, it doesn’t make any goddamn sense. So what’s Shikamaru’s chakra type? Wind?? Kakashi sure as shit did not mention a shadow/dark magic chakra affinity. Or what about Ino?? Actually get the fuck out of here.)

I had a feeling that Naruto was getting ready to jump the shark with the nine tails cloak buffoonery but somehow or another it really exceeded my expectations and I’m decidedly NOT having a good time anymore. I want my ninja story back please. 😷

[slothcritic]

Dragon Ball Z Abridged - Episode 10 Review

A satisfying conclusion with plenty of jabs, jibs and a ghost whatnow?

While The Punchline has been split up into three parts, I will be reviewing and judging all three parts as a single episode within a single review. I will be giving out scores for each part just for posterity however, but only the overall score will be considered this episode’s actual rating.

In the cold open, Vegeta is absolutely thrilled over snapping Nappa out of existence, and Goku asks Krillin and Gohan to retreat while he deals with Vegeta. Krillin is already gone, screaming and crying. Gohan and Goku have a brief conversation about putting dinner on, because he's hungry. There might be some reference I'm not getting here, or if it's really just a face-value scene, but I think it would've been funnier if the title sequence had begun just after Krillin is shown running (flying) away to safety.

[Title Sequence, Part 1]

Goku and Vegeta opt to find a new battlefield, as the one where Nappa decimated the Z Fighters is a little "corpsey." King Kai starts taking bets on which of them is going to win, and even the Narrator tries to get in on that, despite already knowing the outcome.

The delivery on Vegeta's lines early on is not promising. I'm not sure if it's poor audio quality caused by a crappy microphone or if Lanipator was struggling with some kind of throat infection while recording these lines, but it's noticeable as there's a long extended conversation with a voice that sounds like sandpaper to the ears. I actually went back to check on the previous episodes to see if I was taking crazy pills, and no, Vegeta sounded just fine before. I have no idea what the reason or cause of this change might be, whether it was a deliberately different delivery or if they were rushing to put this episode out, but Vegeta sounds consistently more raspy in this episode than the gravelly deadpan to which I've become accustomed. For all I know, yelling as Vegeta might just by taxing on his vocal chords.

Putting the voice issue aside, Goku's oblivious lack of understanding for the word "elite" and the back and forth between the two of them works on the whole as a great scene.

"I'm going to start beating you now. I don't know when I'll stop."

I can't remember whether or not that's a reference, but I love the delivery on it. Vegeta has just finished dealing with Nappa and now has absolutely zero patience for someone just as braindead.

Sure enough, after being taunted about a cave full of gumdrops and ice cream, Vegeta drops the "That's it! EVERYONE DIES!" which might be one of my favorite things said in this episode, but it’s followed closely by:

"Say goodbye to your planet, Kakarot." "Well that's not very nice." "OF COURSE NOT! I'M FUCKING EVIL!"

The dynamic here works astoundingly well. It's very different from Vegeta and Nappa's duo, but works on similar foundations. With Vegeta and Nappa, Nappa was the ridiculous one and Vegeta served as his anchor. With Vegeta and Goku, the roles are flipped and Vegeta is now the ridiculous one, screaming his head off in frustration and writhing around in the death throes of his pride, while Goku's complete obliviousness and innocence keeping him grounded as the anchor. Nappa was purposefully annoying because he was a bratty, childish mook, while Goku is just annoying by happenstance and being very, very hard to put down. It doesn't help that Vegeta actually wants to kill Goku, and unlike Nappa, he's having less than success with this one.

The overall production of the climatic beam struggle is surprisingly well executed, and is perhaps the best moment in this entire episode from a technical perspective. Goku speaking as he charges up the Kamehameha doesn't sound cheesy, canned or forced, and neither does Vegeta's delivery. The sound effects and music are also on point here. This is an important moment in the series and I'm glad they got it just right. I have no objections with anything here.

If anything, at about five and a half minutes in, the viewer has had enough time to adjust to Vegeta's new raspier voice and it no longer seems out of place. If he had been speaking "normally" up until this point, I probably would have criticized the delivery on these lines, but it almost feels like it fits on the whole now that this has been established as the "new normal" for the last five minutes. The main point I'm attempting and probably failing at making is that my original complaint was that the new voice took me out of the episode, but in this moment with the beam struggle, Vegeta's voice flows naturally and I honestly wouldn't have noticed it if I hadn't just (as of now) dedicated two whole paragraphs of this review to JUST talking about how Vegeta sounds slightly different now.

Alright, now it's time to back up a tad, which isn't something I like to do a lot. Twice in this episode, Goku has used the Kaio-Ken and then the Kaio-Ken times three. The first time he used it, he seemed to at least match Vegeta. The second time he used it, he jobbed Vegeta straight into a rocky wall. But it's only good for a few seconds, so it has no sustain. It's essentially one really strong punch or a really quick beat down, but leaves Goku winded and struggling at the end of it.

The reason I didn't bring these up as they happened was because frankly the scenes didn't do enough for me to write about it. I write about what I feel is significant to my review to give context or explanation to my thought process, not to give a play by play. Simply put, they were funny, but nothing notable happened because of it. It was a quick skit, okay, move on. But it's now important to draw attention to those two moments, because while they did very little for me the first two times... Well, during this beam struggle, just as Vegeta feels like he’s gaining the upper hand, the dramatic music quiets to nothing but the sounds of the beams clashing, and all we hear is...

"Kaio-Ken..." Vegeta look on in horror.  "...No..." "Times..." "No no no..." "FOUR!"

Vegeta is sent skyward with a loud FFFFUUUUUU- and then twinkles like Team Rocket just blasted off again. Goku is the victor... of this fight at least.

Then there's an odd cutaway back to Roshi's island that's slow to start, but eventually got me to smile. It's all the characters from Dragon Ball reminiscing of times where they used to be relevant to the story. Guest appearance by Baba who almost doesn't appear in Z at all!

It initially felt like a bit of tone whiplash but it warmed up to me. And "Whatever happened to Launch?" actually got a laugh out of me. Seems like Toriyama isn't the only person who forgot about her.

I'm not sure what the point of this scene was, but I agree with the decision that after that climax, a break or calming down period in the tension it had built up was definitely necessary, even if the transition felt a little jarring at first.

"Meanwhile, back at the plot", which is an amazing segue, Vegeta gets off Mr Goku's Wild Ride and the beam continues on without him into the pink sky.

I don't think -UUUUUUCK! counts as an F-Bomb so it doesn't get censored. Booyah!

Vegeta then undergoes a post ass-kicking identity crisis. After devising a plan to turn into the mighty Ozaru, he then undergoes a where's-the-damned-moon crisis.

Good thing Blutz Waves are a thing. He yeets the artificial moon into the sky and boom, King Kong. The other King K attempts to coach Goku through dealing with this beast (that is canonically stronger than Captain Ginyu at this point) and advises Goku to find a safe, secluded location to charge up the Spirit Bomb.

Goku however decides to do it right out in the open. Just as Ape Vegeta's massive fist obliterates Goku, King Kai's crystal ball turns to static and gets the operator disconnected message. I think a dial tone would've been slightly funnier, but this has the same energy so I'll take it with no complaints. An excellent way to end the first part of this episode!

[Part 2]

This part begins with Goku hitting a rock so hard he thinks he's in Dragonball Evolution for a moment. After blinding Vegeta with a solar flare, which I'm still not entirely sure how that works or why people don't use it more often to get cheap surprise shots on blinded targets, Goku finds a quiet spot that he can use to charge the Spirit Bomb. He ends up borrowing so much energy from the planet that he may or may not have drained all the life from an old father deer. Dark, but morbidly hilarious.

Goku tries to fling the Spirit Bomb at Vegeta, but surprise: He's got a mouth laser! Knocks the Spirit Bomb right out of him and sends him tumbling against a rock.

"Hey Kakarot, what's the opposite of Christopher Walken?" "Huh?" "Christopher Reeves!"

CRUNCH! The giant monkey stomps down right on Goku's legs, crushing and immobilizing him.

This is such a bad, good joke. I still think about this one from time to time. And honestly, considering how I started binge-watching these in high school (where I more or less developed into an entirely different person), this joke here might very well be the genesis of my love for black humor. I'm fully willing to admit I'm biased on this, but I think this is one of the funniest dark jokes in DBZA, full stop. If not the whole series, then at least within Season 1. Don't care, evil.

Just as he's about to be crushed for good, Goku shoots a quick energy blast into Vegeta's eye, causing him to stagger backwards. This is where Goku makes his cunning escape, dodging, weaving and doing aerial acrobatics around the massive monkey man, accompanied by victorious fanfare. Or not. Goku's legs are still broken. But it's nice to just imagine how cool that would’ve looked, y’know?

Vegeta then decides he's just going to squeeze the life out of Goku, and his screams can be heard well into the distance, all the way to Krillin and Gohan.

The giant monkey keeps squeezing Goku until he squeaks like a rubber ducky, or a chew toy. He does it again, and another squeak.

"Oh my god, that's hilarious."

In the middle of squeaking Goku relentlessly, Gohan decides to make a stand, having blown back to fight Ape Vegeta. He gives a verbose speech that culminates in "The bigger they are, the harder they fall." and then strikes a fighting pose like his five year old ass is going to do anything against a fifty foot behemoth. Battle gong and everything playing in the background.

Vegeta just stares at Gohan, and then after a pause, squeaks Goku again. This has delightfully petty energy to it, especially coming from Vegeta.

While Gohan has caught Vegeta monologuing, Krillin attempts a sneak attack on Vegeta, but he effortlessly humiliates him and thwarts his efforts by simply hopping over the Kienzan that was coming from behind.

However, he couldn't anticipate two sneak attacks. That or Yajirobe was simply that unlikely of a hero, but here he comes sword and all to save literally everyone's lives as he slices Vegeta's tail clean off his rump.

With no more tail, Vegeta regresses to his original Saiyan form. He's no less dangerous, however, and just as Krillin tries to bring the hype, he gets immediately pinballed into the nearest rocky structure and the owned count strikes 9.

The writing on Vegeta's speech following this is actually quite good. "I thought I'd be angrier" is not a take I expected from someone who's had such major meltdowns and cataclysmic conniptions thus far. It does a good job of illustrating how far down the rabbit hole we've gone, to the point where he has become so angry that he's encountered a stack overflow.

Goku and Gohan have a touching moment, both broken, beaten and bloody, but as they share a heart to heart, and their hands extend towards one another's like a Michelangelo painting, Vegeta comes in like a good fiend and gives Goku a killer knee-shot to the ribs. You have to wait for the right moment!

They immediately cut away to an intermission, which they never do in any other episode, but honestly it fits here. The alternative would be to end the episode here and we've still got another three minutes and some change to go. It's an arbitrary production joke but it's necessary and well done for the scene as a whole so it gets a pass and then some from me.

When we resume, Vegeta and Gohan duke it out, which provides a convenient distraction for Goku to hand off part of the Spirit Bomb to Krillin. It turns out he'd been saving some of the earth juices from when he got the snot knocked out of him earlier, but only a little bit of it. Krillin is confused as to why Goku would trust him of all people with it, and Goku concedes that his back is kind of against the wall on this one.

With a yipee-kay-yay and a booyah motherfucker, Krillin lobs the Spirit Bomb Lite at Vegeta, who simply jumps Krillin’s attack for the second time. Maybe aim a little higher next time, or better yet don’t loudly announce your attacks. Not that anyone in this series would understand that concept anyways.

Now the Spirit Bomb is heading straight for Gohan. But it's okay because Gohan is a main character, so he just Uno Reverse Card’s the Spirit Bomb off his hands and it sproings upwards towards Vegeta once more.

Side note, I don't think it's ever explained, either in the abridged or the original series, how Goku is able to communicate telepathically with Gohan. Yes, Master Roshi says in Dragon Ball that "any highly skilled martial artist can read minds" but does that just mean reading minds or actually communicating between them? And if that's the case, why doesn't Goku use this more often? I could probably find at least one plot point that could've been avoided by this, but the answer is probably extremely simple. Goku is a moron. It's very easy to explain away forgetfulness or inconsistent writing when you can just default to saying that your main character is an idiot who forgot he could do those techniques that you forgot existed as a writer. Don't think about it too much I guess.

"What smells like deer?"

I’ve actually missed this joke every single time I've watched this episode so far, except for just now, when I watched it to write this review. The old father deer from before! That is such a cool and unexpected callback.

Anyways, Vegeta gets punked by the Diet Spirit Bomb and goes sailing into the sky. The Z Fighters - which is now just Goku, Gohan and Krillin - are ecstatic in celebration.

"It's been tough, but now, we'll never have to see that rotten Saiyan ever again."

Cue Vegeta's lifeless body ragdolling to the ground with a meaty thwap. Krillin tempts fate by approaching the body, and that goes as expected. Vegeta opens one eye and screams. Then the others all start screaming.

Very weird production mis-step or weird decision with the source footage here. Vegeta's face at least moves, but because all the others have panning shots, they freeze in weird, awkward positions. The action lines don't move, some characters aren't fully in frame, and it's very obviously a still image instead of  something like a loop. Maybe this is just what they had to work with. Still, very immersion breaking. Though honestly, I'm almost glad that if something like this had to happen in this part, it was at least in the last ten seconds.

Goku is confused because he can't move. I mean, they won right? Why is everyone screaming.

[Part 3]

This part begins immediately with Krillin getting bitch slapped, earning a 10/10 on the owned counter. Vegeta then decides he has had exactly enough of everyone and everything, and goes for the nuclear option.

Fortunately for our heroes, Vegeta has been so worn down, battered, sent through the ringer, and has suffered so much damage to that one eye in particular, that he doesn't have enough energy left to kill everyone all at once. Instead, he opts to get his hands dirty and cut them each of them down one at a time. Speaking of cut, here comes Yajirobe with his sword. It can pierce through Vegeta's armor, which is wonderful news but ultimately pointless. However, it serves as an excellent distraction.

Remember that fake moon? Remember how Vegeta only returned to normal form because his tail was amputated? Remember earlier how Piccolo had to destroy the Earth's actual moon because Gohan was a rampaging Donkey Kong lunatic? Well guess who just woke up staring right at that fake moon in the sky.

Lacking any barrels in the vicinity, Ape Gohan decides to throw around some rocks.

Goku, again, reaches to him telepathically and reminds him not to go on a rampage killing everyone.

"Remember Icarus? He did it."

Now, purely within this episode, this isn’t an issue. It’s a funny haha moment. However, this scene gets a little more irritating or perplexing once you’ve seen some of the DBZA movies. This knowledge did hamper my enjoyment of this scene on rewatch. However, that ultimately isn’t fair to this episode as a stand alone product, and my gut instinct of “My knowledge of episodes that came out well after this one retroactively makes this episode worse!” is also something I try tooth and nail to avoid. So I’m going to talk about this for a bit and get it out of my system so I can approach it fairly.

Simply put, Icarus is a headache. He's Gohan's friend and pet dragon of sorts, for like three random movies, some episodes of Z and then never gets mentioned again. Goku implies that Vegeta is responsible for Icarus' death, despite the fact that Icarus is still alive at some point after Goku defeats Freeza. I would normally take up the stance of “okay, let’s ignore the official canon / non-canon and just stick to DBZA” but he ALSO features in the DBZA movie Cooler’s Revenge, so this is multiple layers of crazy. 

I understand that DBZA exists primarily as a form of parody and thus prioritizes humor and “working with what you’ve got” over some things a harsh anal-retentive person might deflagrate them for (cough cough) and are not afraid to contradict themselves on points of little significance for the sake of humor. I also don’t think they had any long-standing plans to incorporate Icarus into Z at the time this episode was made - They may have simply wanted to make a joke about the DBZ equivalent of Poochie the Dog from Itchy & Scratchy.

Like I said, Icarus is headache. However, simply in this moment and nothing else, I do feel it works. It’s shows a cute dragon geting exploded. Who couldn’t feel bad for this poor random dragon that I totally haven’t ever seen before? It also works within the story itself -  Gohan gets sufficiently angry, and Vegeta starts treading the tightrope of desperation. 

Gohan's Ozaru form isn't long lived however, as Vegeta suddenly learns the Kienzan and slices his tail off with it. Small problem though, Gohan was airborne, and the regression back to a normal Saiyan form is not instantaneous. His massive body looms over him, and with a Big NO, Vegeta go splat.

He's down but not out. He at least has enough energy to call for his Space Uber to come and pick him up. As he's crawling hands and knees into his escape pod, Krillin suddenly decides he wants to be important, and appears with Yajirobe's sword, poised to strike. 

Vegeta is understandably terrified, because after the day Krillin's had, he's gone full ride or die mode and isn't about to wait on an invitation to go full Thanksgiving turkey on this maniac.

However, Goku wants the pacifist ending and gives a very simplified version of the original speech to Krillin. If he's sorry, we have to let him leave. Because that's what being a good boy is all about. It's noteworthy that one of my all-time favorite Vegeta quotes happens right here in the original dub.

"When I come back to this planet, you're all going to suffer. And when you beg me for mercy, I'll stare into your eyes as I crush the life out of you."

However in this version, we're treated to "Yes, I'm very very sorry. Sorry that you're all still alive, suckers!"

And honestly, both versions are fitting for their respective interpretations of Vegeta.

As we pan out, the narrator waxes on the victory of the heroes and how he made bank from his bet with King Kai. Next time, don't make bets with the narrator you stupid idiot. Big dumb idiot god. 

I'm writing this at close to 4am if you couldn't tell. Scheduled uploads!

"Has anyone really not seen this show already? Find out in the next season of Dragon Ball Z Abridged!"

And that's it folks! Well, almost. We have one final scene to go through first.

Vegeta is hurdling through space in his Saiyan pod, lamenting his laundry list of losses and failures, but at least concedes that his situation cannot get worse. But we all know what happens to people who tempt fate.

"Vegeta... VEGEEEEEETA..." "Wh-What?" *DING* "I'm haunting you."

And thus, we've reached the end of Season 1! The Ghost Nappa song plays and the outro credits roll.

Conclusion

First off, definitely a longer review than I'm used to writing. Secondly, this was a great three-parter. I wasn't sure if the format would hold up like it does for single segment episodes, but it does. Now I'm sure there are bad episodes to come in the future, but for now I'm happy that the last three or four episodes have all scored relatively high. TFS is going into Season 2 with some great foundations built upon their older, more crude material, and they still have a lot of room yet to improve. I should consider being more critical with this next season as the expectations will be higher!

There’s one noteworthy gripe I have with each of these three parts, but only one worth writing about. -Vegeta suddenly sounding different, as if I didn't talk about that enough. I swear I'm not taking crazy pills. -Weird freeze frames at the end of Part 2. -Icarus, simply because he messes with me on a personal level. This fucking dragon doesn't make any god damned sense.

Other than that, I liked it. I don't know if I'd say "I loved it" but for the series as a whole, we're getting there at breakneck speed.

The first part had some great back and forth interactions with Goku and Vegeta, both the dialogues and the beam struggle, while the second part had more stand-out moments with just Vegeta, from the squeaking Goku, to the "I thought I'd be angrier" speech, his perfectly timed knee to ribs, and the famous last words "What smells like deer?"

The last part... didn't actually have much of this. I didn't find the talk about Vegeta’s father to be terribly funny and nothing else he said was extremely stand-out like in the previous two parts. This part didn't so much have humor as it was the "let's wrap things up" segment. Most of the noteworthy moments happen close to the tail end. I will admit, even ten years later, I still got a little sentimental hearing that outro from LK, and let's not sleep on Ghost Nappa. They may have done you dirty in Kai 3 but we still love you!

Overall, I'm happy that this was as good as I remembered it. I found jokes I didn't pick up the first few times, flaws that I didn't know existed, and a new appreciation for some subtle details that may have glossed over me while I was busy laughing about Christopher Reeves.

Part 1: 75 Part 2: 78 Part 3: 72

Score: 75

Passing Thoughts

"Kaio-Ken!" "Kaio-What?"

Small error on my part - Piccolo blows up the moon in Episode 4, and in my review of that episode, I mistakenly attribute a scene from this episode to DBZ Kai Abridged.

"I'm going to enjoy this far more than I should." - And like that, Vegeta has suddenly become relatable.

"Thank God, I thought he meant penis!"

"Time to crush you like an Arlian." "A what?" "Exactly."

"I haven't killed a damned thing since I got to this god-forsaken planet! Not for lack of trying mind you."

[gobilobi6-blog]

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[jortsman]

Yooo 2 and 13 for before the century was stolen?

yessssss love both these! I’m gonna answer 13 first because 2 is long, hah

13.  What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I listen to so so much, except certain scenes when I’m getting really into them, I turn everything off and get into this super-focus mode. But! I actually have a playlist for writing this (though I throw in random stuff all the time) and here is that playlist. It’s 2 hours, hah, but that first song on there especially gets me into some feelings that are very blupjeans appropriate (like, put in some headphones and close your eyes and just chill while listening to that song and get totally emotionally wrecked. The song after it is pretty oof too). 

2: What scene did you first put down?

It was their conversation in the lab in ch.14 (I’ll post the scene below the cut). I just finished relistening to TAZ and got blupjeans super stuck in my head, specifically during Stolen Century, and I read all of the fic that I could find that was in that particular vein of what I wanted to read. But, my brain was still all wrapped up in it and I was running scenarios in my head while doing my mindless job, and then was like... what if I wrote this down? I felt positive that I couldn’t actually write a legit fan-fiction or stay committed to a thing, but I convinced myself to just write this one scene, and it ended up being way longer than I thought, and I actually kind of liked it. 

But then I got really into the idea of figuring out how/why things got to a place where they would have a conversation like that and started forming all of these ideas. And then I thought maybe I should actually try writing something for real, figuring that I probably wouldn’t be able to stick to it for very long, but it would be good writing practice. But now it’s been *looks at watch* 5 and 1/2 months, and I’m still so invested in this, and I’m just really glad that I allowed myself to write that first scene, because I was really close to not doing it and speed-running sudoku instead.  But anyways! The scene is under this! 

The lab was filled with a low, warm, golden light. Barry had obviously been hard at work since before the natural light from the couple of small circular overhead windows had disappeared into darkness.

Barry had the automatic lighting of the Starblaster disabled in the lab; sometimes he would need it to be completely dark or to have light focused only in a certain spot, so he used his own, manual light sources. That night, there was only one dimming, dying bulb on above his work space. Lup wondered if maybe he needed more light and was just too engrossed in his work to notice, but she was really digging the atmosphere; it was very homey and not so clinical or science-y. Lup was sitting in the swivel chair on the opposite end of the long, curved counter that made up the back half of Barry’s workplace. She kicked back away from the desk a bit, fully slumped in her chair, arms hanging off the armrests, fingers almost dragging on the floor, looking very obviously bored. She straightened and scooted towards Barry, who was moving between plant samples and his notes every few seconds.

Lup kicked at the ground to roll towards him, almost knocking her chair into his. “Baaaarry. I want something to do.”

Barry looked up from his work for the first time in over an hour. “Oh damn, yeah sorry, I was so involved in what I was doing that I forgot to catch you up on -- what it is that I’m doing. Which is not a great way to get your help,” and he chuckled even though he was obviously nervous and blushing. He was getting back to being a little bit more open after having clammed up some over the past couple years. He was talking with her so much more and frequently joking again instead of stammering out apologies over and over. And his laugh. She was getting a lot more of that lately, and it was the best laugh and she did what she could to hear it often.

Her boredom dissolved and she lit up knowing that he was about to teach her something new or just get her involved in some shit. And, that she had his attention. No, no, no. It was about learning and working, not about Lup being noticed. Lup was always noticed, but she didn’t always get to learn and gain new skills; that’s what made it exciting to spend time with Barry in the lab.

Time with Barry was productive and fun. Time with other people was about being noticed and the center of attention, which happened without her even trying or necessarily wanting that. But, there was something about having Barry’s attention that felt so different, and she couldn’t figure out why that was.

“So, I’m trying to develop a way for us to be able to determine if uh, starting with plant based food I guess, if we can find out what’s safe to eat in a more efficient, and faster way and with clearer results, y’know. This stuff is hard; testing things according to our standards and our knowledge of biological makeup of plant matter when we’re literally on alien planets. But, I figure I can do this now while we’ve got some down time, and it can save us time in future years. Figure the faster we can know what’s safe when we start a new cycle, the sooner we can get to real work.”

He was obviously genuinely enjoying working on a project that he came up with and assigned to himself apropos of nothing. He could have been using the opportunity for some rest, as most of the others were. Not Barry, though; he loved to work. But, she was also there, looking to him and his work to solve her boredom, so what did that say about her? He was about to talk, but she cut him off before he could expand on his idea.

“So, you came up with something to work on now, so that you can get to other work faster in the future. And I’m gonna guess that it’s probably so that you’ll have more time to work on other things between and after work? Maybe some things that will, hmmm, let’s see; give you more work?”

“What can I say,” he said brightly while shrugging, “I’m not livin’ if I’m not science-in’.” He laughed faintly, not because what he said was at all funny, but just because he was happy. Obviously, visibly happy.

After he he had spoken, while still wearing his goofy smile, he transitioned seamlessly into a fake, stereotypical, super nasally nerd voice and pushed up his glasses -- not in his normal way, but in a well timed, intentional way, and said “Me and science are best friends.” And Lup died laughing.

He was in such a fun mood and uncharacteristically confident and Lup was ecstatic.  

“You!” she said with lingering emphasis, through a huge smile. “Are. SUuUch a NERD!” And then Lup did something that she’d done tons of times before; socked him somewhat gently on his arm. And then Barry did something he’d never done. The same thing, back to her.  

And Lup was surprised. In a good way, but definitely surprised, and Barry saw her surprise and realized what he had just done.

“Oh gods, Lup, I am so sorry, I-I-I I don’t know why I did that or why that happened, what is wrong with me, I-I-I-- ” he was spilling out bits and pieces of words impossibly fast, his brain exploding as he saw flashes of their entire friendship collapsing within a moment. Lup interrupted him by leaning forward a bit and grabbing him by the shoulders. He stopped talking, but his mouth was still slightly agape and his eyes clearly showed the immense shame and panic he felt.

“B-a-r-o-l-d,” she said his name firmly and drawn out and with emphasis on both syllables, as if she was trying to wake him from a trance, which she might as well have been. “That. Was hilarious. I am so into this Barry that you are Barry-ing tonight, and I do not want you to freak out and never be like this again. Because one, it’s fucking cool and two, I don’t want you backing off from our chill hangs again, like last year.” He visibly calmed, though still a little nervous. Only really enough for her to be able to tell though; she’d become an expert of reading his face.

“Look. You shouldn’t ever feel bad about reciprocating, yeah? I punch you in the arm, it’s fair game to punch me in the arm. We are buds and it is okay! And, Barry?” She waited for him to make eye contact with her, and she was glad that his eyes had relaxed and were meeting hers in such a natural way; it was kind of distracting. “If anything ever did happen between us that wasn’t okay, I would let you know and we would talk. Listen. I would never throw our friendship away or let it change over some tiny thing. Or even a medium sized thing. Medium-Large, though? That could be taking it too far.” She smiled and he smiled with her.

He pulled in a deep breath as she let go of his shoulders and leaned back into her chair. He exhaled and said “I’m sorry I can be so, I guess easily shaken, and sorry that I --”

“Hey, Barry?”

“Yeah?”

“ Stop apologizing. ”

“Heh. Yeah, I’ll try. That’ll be a tough one,” and he drew in another deep breath, trying to pull his body back into sync, his adrenaline still a little bit off.

“I’m sor -- nope, stop,” he caught himself and partially covered his face with his hand in exasperation and momentarily closed his eyes, trying to think of how to say what he felt needed to be said without tearing himself down or apologizing profusely; things he had never even thought about working on before Lup.

“Your friendship is really important to me. And I guess -- hitting you in the arm like that felt really disrespectful. And, Lup.” He purposefully met her gaze again, “I have so much respect for you. You’re an amazi-” and his adrenaline was flooding him and his heart was gearing up to go wild, and gods, why did he start that sentence? He took a short breath, lowered his tone a bit, and forced some calm into himself just be calm for a second, he begged his body. Try to summon some of that professor mentality from way back when, from a lifetime ago.

“You’re an amazing person. I am constantly impressed and surprised by your work and how unnaturally fast you can learn. You are a good friend, a good sister, and a good colleague to us all. You are so needed and cared about.” He took in a sharp breath and gulped. “By everyone. And I don’t want to do anything to disrespect you.”

The words had to be forced at times, and he was getting more and more light headed, but it all came out and nothing was stammered or unfinished and left hanging or surrounded by apologies. He didn’t say a word wrong or spontaneously forget a word completely. He said it all, and he felt good about what he said.

What a fucking feeling .

Lup was taken aback. Just by virtue of being Lup, she had gotten lots of compliments throughout her life. She didn’t believe them all and she knew some come from a place of self gain. Many others she knew she deserved. Absolutely no one aside from Taako had ever said something even close to that sincere to her before, though. Was it only because she’d let basically almost all of her barriers down around him? Would everyone be that sincere with her if she were even less guarded with them? No -- that was just Barry. And she was either going to cry or say something really stupid if she didn’t reel the conversation back, at least a bit.  

“That means a lot to me Barry, truly. Even though that first half felt a little like I was getting a pep talk from a dad or a teacher.” She got a small laugh out of Barry.

“You need to loosen up around me!” She went on, trying to turn the flood of feelings into excitement and sincerity and to drown out anything else that was knocking around in her head. “I am never going to be put off or offended or uncomfortable about anything you do, I’m sure. I want Barry unchained, let loose, uncensored, free roaming, all natural 100% grade-A-Barold, got it?” He smiled and exhaled and gave a relieved laugh. He got it, and he knew he was going to do whatever he could to be that for her. They met each other’s eyes with mutual gazes of deep warmth and calm.

But, she realized; there was something else very important that needed to be addressed. Couldn’t end on a joking note quite yet.

Her face went soft and then formed a furrowed brow and slightly downturned lips. She took both of his hands into hers as they faced each other.

“Barry. What you said about not doing things like that out of respect for me…” and she involuntarily, abruptly paused, something forming in her throat and not allowing her to continue. It was not quite a lump or a hiccup but more like a strain; a sudden half-second restriction of her breath. Because she was barrelling head-first into “serious conversation” territory, and that was territory that she had successfully danced and tiptoed around for most of her life, save for the conversation with him back in their ninth year -- but that was all about him, not about her being vulnerable. Now she was walking around the edge of a boiling vat of her own vulnerability and was about to either decide to jump down to safety or intentionally let herself fall into it. And why would she choose to do that? To fall? Why was she definitely about to do that? Her eyes couldn’t face his; she was looking down at his hands in hers.

“...do you think that I don’t respect you?” And at the end of that sentence, there was definitely a lump in her throat.

There was a long pause between them and then Barry stammered through several different beginnings of a response that he didn’t have. His voice shook and he was even more nervous than usual because he was taken off guard by the question and by Lup’s sudden shift in demeanor (and definitely, and probably mostly, by her hands holding his) and also because he didn’t know how to answer, because either he had to lie to spare her feelings (but he could never lie to her) or… he had to admit that he didn’t feel like he was respected. It wasn’t something that he was angry or resentful about and it absolutely was not something he demanded or needed or even wanted. It was just something that was absent, though he wasn’t even actively pursuing it or trying to get it from anyone. It was simply a fact that he was aware of. That he was certain of. He wasn’t respected.

As he stammered and fidgeted, Lup took her right hand away from his and raised it to his face. She cupped his cheek and let her thumb lay over his mouth to hush him. It was an intimate and soft gesture that made him lightly gasp but also, as her hand settled perfectly around the curve of his cheek and her thumb lay still on his lips, made him warm everywhere and loosened all the tension in his body at once.

“You don’t have to tell me,” she said in a voice softer than he thought was possible to come from his boisterous and loud friend, softer than when they had talked on a more serious level in the past. She sounded sad, and his heart dropped. And him being warm and without any tension and a heart that just free-fell, he completely melted and his shoulders dropped, too.

She was looking straight at him, searching his eyes for something, and Barry was looking into her eyes without glancing away or lowering them as he almost always did.  

“Barry. I respect you immensely. You are one of the -- no, actually, the most intelligent person I have ever known. I have learned so much, just by being around you. You’re approachable and kind and willing to share your knowledge, without so much as a trace of pretension. There’s no stick up your ass, like most of the people I��ve ever known who thought they were smart,” she barely smiled and exhaled sharply through her nose in a kind of almost-laugh. Then she was completely serious again; a look that Barry didn’t know what to do with or how to react to.

“You are — so knowledgeable, and you utilize that and apply it to your work, to which you are dedicated in a way that I have never seen anyone be dedicated to anything . And you constantly push yourself to learn more, and you share and teach everything you can to anyone who wants to listen, and you do it with patience and kindness, and…” and then she was the one nervously rambling. That was not Lup. She let her hand drop from his face and scooped his free hand back up.

“I have a lot of respect for you, Barry. So much. And I trust you, completely. But,” she paused and felt like she was on the verge of tearing up. “I’ve never said that. And I’ve never done anything to show it.”

She sighed and looked back down at his hands in hers, feeling warm at the sight, but still guilty. Barry was trying to put together a response, to protest, to tell her that she did so many things to show her trust in him, but he couldn’t find the words. All he could do was sit there with a slightly agape mouth and sad eyes as Lup continued.

“I can’t just expect you to know how I feel. So, now I’m telling you. And if you know me at all, you sure as hell know that I wouldn’t say any of this or get this vulnerable if I didn’t mean it.” She looked back up at him and she was finally actually smiling; a little bit weakly and through slightly watery eyes, but a real, happy smile. Barry’s entire body felt like it was on pause. But then, she dropped his hands and raised hers to smoosh each side of his face, looking directly at him and putting on her best mock serious expression as she leaned in close. Barry’s heart shot back up and into his throat with Lup that close to him.

“But, now that you know, you will never see me this mushy again, Barold,” she told him in an assertive tone. “You only get one Lup heart-to-heart, and you’ve just burned yours, cowboy.”

And she laughed, and Barry laughed even though tears were free-falling from his eyes without him even crying.