#change anything about the points i made. it might even make my perspective more valuable in some cases because for me

[charmedreincarnation]

I shifted using the void state!

I'm getting straight to the point because I know people don't like long success stories, but I used these two posts to finally shift to my desired reality and manifest my dream life.

Rotten’s Practical Guide to Shifting Realities

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zgrhCYyct7xV4j7d7qYFcoO8bAMx5Jqdb3NGoO81Oqs/edit

Reddit Post: The Power of the Void State

https://www.reddit.com/r/shiftingrealities/s/XMIo5TPYlM

Anyways, when I learned about the void state on Reddit, I was instantly captivated. I mean, who wouldn't be? The idea of not only using it for shifting but also manifesting my dream life for myself and my family felt like a dream come true. That's when I came across the second post I shared about the void state, and eventually, the first document I shared. They were incredibly informative and completely changed my perspective on shifting and the law of the universe.

I went on to stalk many of the recommended success stories on Reddit, exploring posts and comment sections that mentioned you. You seemed to be a common denominator in their journeys, helping them shift or guiding them with your posts. It made me happy to see your positive influence, even though your posts were from years ago and it seemed like you no longer have an account. Unfortunately, many other creators' posts were either inactive or banned due to Reddit's strict rules which is really annoying.

However, someone made a post about you, and one of your friends ended up commenting with your Tumblr account. So, I gathered a lot of valuable information from your account and a few others (like Fleur, Pink, Rem, Sexy Dream Girl, etc.) on Tumblr.

I must say, the Tumblr shifting and void community is miles ahead of Reddit and Amino. I was shocked that I hadn't come across this community before. Reddit is just starting to talk about the Law of assumption and the void, whereas you guys have been immersed in it for years. I even encountered some misconceptions on Reddit, where people still think the void can only be used for shifting and not for waking up in a whole new life. 🙄

Regardless, finding this app was the motivation I needed, and I discovered so much valuable information. I ended up using your theta wave method, combined with the first Reddit post I sent, to enter the void and shift to my dr. It's truly mind-blowing how easy it all was.

I can vouch for this process. All you need are the two Reddit posts I shared, as the guide is highly regarded within the shifting community, along with a few trustworthy Tumblr bloggers. I've been part of the shifting community since 2017, so I've seen it all, and I managed to shift within just two and a half weeks of finding these resources. Even though I was struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, I realized it doesn't have to hinder your journey.

I wanted to share my experience here, and I might make a post on Reddit too. However, they have become stricter with success stories due to anti-troll measures, and it takes weeks to even months for anything to be processed. So, I wanted to share my journey here first.

I also recommend this: https://www.reddit.com/r/shiftingrealities/s/daFCQdyHim because it helped me understand what shifting really is. Manifesting too!

Lastly I'm 26 years old, and I've noticed that Reddit tends to have a more adult audience compared to Tumblr. At first, it felt nice to be surrounded by fellow adults discussing shifting. On the other hand, seeing Tumblr mostly filled with teens and younger adults made me wonder if it's easier for them, especially without the weight of responsibilities that often come with age.

But let me tell you, age is not a factor that determines our success in shifting. Whether you're 13 or 55, it doesn't matter. This is something we can all engage in, no matter our age.

Sure, there might be some challenges that come with getting older. As we accumulate more life experiences, doubts tend to creep in, and we become more logical. But guess what? Those doubts and logical thinking don't define our ability to shift realities. They are simply hurdles for us to overcome.

Hi love! I've spent some time going through all the resources you shared, and they've been incredibly helpful! Actually i have seen that guide in so many places, and it's truly enlightening. Thank you for sharing these amazing tools with us!

And yes, I wholeheartedly agree with what you said. age and doubt really do have no place in our journey they really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

I used to engage with @theastralplaneandbeyond5487 on Amino and Reddit too. He also has an informative YouTube channel and is in his 50s, I believe. His experiences and insights are rlly helpful and further show that age is just a number in this journey.

His journey showed me that we can do whatever we we want , regardless of our age. It's a beautiful reminder that we're all capable of creating and experiencing whatever we want 🩵

Also omg my Reddit era in 2021 was so fun. I’m glad it’s still helping people though my views have definitely evolved :D!

[scarlet--wiccan]

IIRC the Made in the USA retcon's purpose is kind of exactly what it says on the tin- there were arguments that America wasn't a "real" Latina because of her solo series establishing that she was an alien from a Latina-adjacent planet, and there were complaints that presenting her as a Latina character was false advertising. I don't remember any of those arguments or complaints being from actual Latinx people, though.

This conversation has been ongoing for a long time, and Latine people have definitely made that criticism. I'm not Latine, and I'm not Black, so I don't want to speak on it too much. I did write a review of Made In The USA back when it came out, which led to some productive dialogue. You can read that post here.

I do want to clarify my statement, though--

When I say that Made in the USA tanked America's backstory and ruined her character for nothing, I'm not being facetious. The retcon did not add or resolve anything regarding America's heritage or identity which hadn't already been done, besides moving her birthplace to a more recognizable version of Earth. In my opinion, Made in the USA threw out everything that had been established about the character up to that point, rendered most of her motives and achievements moot, and did not make enough additive or constructive changes to justify that damage.

In Made In The USA, we see that America was adopted by a Puerto Rican family, the Santanas, and identifies as Puerto Rican. Although it is contextualized differently by the retcon, this is not new information. The Santanas were introduced in America (2017) as the first family that took her in when she arrived on Earth. This is part of a longer sequence in which America explains how and why she identifies as Latina, having come to Earth and found people whose culture paralleled her own. And I want to be clear that while one of America's mothers is an alien refugee, the other residents of the Utopian parallel are, by all accounts, human-- they're just from an alternate universe.

Because the Parallel is so different, and because Gillen, et al, never gave America a specific, real-world identity, she is, by definition, a monolithic stereotype, and that's a problem. But the retcon does not establish Elena or Amalia's "real world" nationalities or ethnicities, either. On paper, America is still what's she's always been-- an ambiguous brown girl with an adopted identity.

America (2017), seeks to resolve that problem, firstly by bringing more authentic cultural inspiration to America's fantastical home worlds, but also by using that fantasy story to explore the formation of identity as an immigrant or refugee-- an experience which echoes through multiple generations of America's family. I won't try to judge how successful or authentic that actually was, but broadly speaking, I think that it is a legitimate and valuable avenue for sci-fi/fantasy storytelling, and the fact that it is done here in a story centered entirely on Black and brown LGBT people, is historically significant for both the genre and the medium.

Again, I'm not trying to diminish the fact that America was, for many years, tokenized and touted as something she could never be, due to of her white creators' lack of sensitivity or care. And I will not try to arbitrate whether it is better for this character to serve as literal representation, or as an intersectional allegory. But I think there's room in the superhero genre for both, and I think it's a shame that Made in the USA-- which, from a craft perspective, is an objectively worse book-- undermined America's story in such a disrespectful manner. I can't help but wonder if we-- both the company and the fans-- had been more honest about the expectations we were placing on this character, then she might have had the opportunity to be more well-realized as either, or maybe even both.

[scoobydoodean]

As much as I’m a Sam lover, my biggest gripe with the fandom is when people try to make it seem like it was Dean’s fault for Sam not liking Benny. 😭😭

Because okay, Sam is allowed to be hurt by Amy dying, she saved his life and maybe he feels like he owed her something. HOWEVER, that doesn’t change the fact that she was willingly killing people in an attempts to save her son.

Not only that, but she was intentionally going after people she knew the cops were least likely to investigate (lower class people, addicts, drug dealers, etc.) Which is also another gripe I have, because the fandom tries to play down Amy’s killings with “But she was only killing criminals!” which just REEKS of classism, and I hate to be the person who ties their irl experiences with the show, but as someone who has relatives who struggle/struggled with addiction, it just gives me the ick when people try to justify Amy’s choice of victims.

And then there’s the fact of Amy and Benny are just not comparable companions in my eyes. Sam met Amy when they were both kids, and while he was grateful to her for saving his life, there were no attempts made on either end to keep up some form of communication, which in my opinion was very possible, because we’ve seen the boys regularly keep track of people who otherwise would be considered “off the grid”.

Dean and Benny were together for about a year, solely relying on only each other for at the very least a few weeks before they found Castiel, learning to read the others movements during a fight with other inhabitants of Purgatory, and it was made very clear in the show that the pair of them understood Purgatory and shared a bond like no other character had. Even when it was agreed that they should keep communication limited, Dean STILL made the effort to go after Benny and help him out with his nest + came to his aid after the machete fight, and he refused to leave even after Benny said he was okay.

To me those relationships aren’t even remotely comparable. And again not saying that Sam couldn’t be upset about Amy, but the way he chose to in turn mistrust Benny to the point of almost getting him AND his great granddaughter Elizabeth killed was just 😮‍💨 Especially when Sam is usually all for monster redemption? That’s just something I can never excuse no matter how much I love Sam.

I totally agree.

Benny and Amy are simply not comparable. Sam makes that comparison because he's angry and jealous and he wants to lash out, but in the same conversation, Dean also points at Sam's own inconsistent morals: they just let Kate the werewolf go a few episodes before and now Sam wants Benny dead with no proof of wrong doing—whereas Amy willfully killed people on purpose and pre-meditated. Sam caught her in the act, and she easily admitted she did it and felt absolutely zero remorse.

Benny became a vampire, sought out redemption, went to Purgatory, and came back holding himself to the same principles he did before he died... and honestly, the idea that he and Amy are the same also reminds me of a "once a criminal/addict always a criminal/addict" mindset—even after over 100 years clean. Someone might want to argue that's exactly how Dean thought of Amy in season 7, but I don't actually think Amy's monsterhood has anything to do with her being a supernatural creature for Dean and everything to do with her actions.

Sam compares her to himself and acts like she's an addict who relapsed, but... that simply is not what happened? It's a completely erroneous comparison. Amy didn't kill people because her addiction became too strong and she had to eat. She didn't eat anyone. It wasn't a relapse in any sense of the word. She killed people because her son was sick and needed fresh brains. She decided his life was more valuable than four other people's lives, and she maintained that perspective during and after—going so far as to run from Sam and find someone else to murder within an hour while still being pursued because she was that cold and unrepentant about what she was doing—that utterly remorseless. She slaughtered humans like cattle. And as you pointed out, her choice of targets reeks of classism, whether that's a commentary on her as a person or society and how the trauma and experience of lower income people and addicts and petty criminals tends to be minimized and dismissed as if any terrible fate that befalls them is "deserved" (or both? Both is good).

There's this very weird thing that happens in fandom where Dean is rewritten as this black and white "supernatural creature bad, human good" character and Sam as the "supernatural creatures can always be good" character, when the reality is much different, and actually reveals much more consistency in Dean's perspective than in Sam.

Sam will rewrite Amy's motivations into something so much more sympathetic than what actually happened and will say killing her would be wrong, then in the same season will kill a kid who was born like three days ago and hasn't killed anyone and is his brother's biological child and then lecture Dean about hesitating. And then he will let a pretty, young, blonde college kid go and a few episodes later wants to kill a vampire who saved his brother's life and who hasn't done anything wrong to Sam's knowledge and will look for any excuse to murder him... and the real reason is that he's enraged by the idea of Dean having someone in his life who has never let him down after Sam chose to abandon him and Cas and Kevin. Sam can't stand being reminded of how he failed. Dean's trust in Benny gives Sam deep feelings of shame.

Deep down, what Sam relates to in Amy and defends about her has nothing to do with her Supernatural status or addiction, and everything to do with the fact that Sam too occasionally flirts with the idea of human sacrifice to save the people he loves—which is a fascinating facet of his character... but fanon prefers a nonsense narrative Sam made up in the heat of the moment, refusing to see how Sam completely rewrote events to suit his feelings. Meanwhile, Dean doesn't even think of killing Amy's son for a second even after he tells Dean he'll come back for revenge because him being a supernatural creature does not make him evil and well—wanting to avenge your mom is fair! He protects Benny, and Lenore, and Bobby John, and Andy, and tries to talk Emma down. What he doesn't have sympathy for, is a woman who kills four people because deep down, at least some humans are nothing more than cattle to her—food for her sick boy.

[vegetableharvester]

About Ruby Vermillion, profile #2.

---

About:

• Hair: “My hair? Oh, I don’t really do anything about it. Just wash it normally and use hats, preferably clean, so does what I used on my hair.”

• Eyes: “These green eyes, I inherited it from my mother. Though, her eyes are far more beautiful with her gentle face than mine, who has a face of a complete opposite of her.”

• Weapons: “By far, dual swords is far more easier to use. Due to it’s weight and versatility, like I can use one to fight or have something spare in case the other breaks. Other than dual swords, bows are nicer than guns due to it’s loudness that is better for stealth.”

• Food: “If you try to consider give me some food or any meal to me, please let me know it’s ingredients and any devices, rather cooking tools, you’d used since I rather not to get bedridden as much as possible.”

• Favorite Food: “In my perspective, soup are far more superior than any other meals. I don’t need to munch more to eat as I can tolerate to gobble it. Especially, the soup wasn’t flavorful since my stomach was severely sensitive to any spices or some specific ingredients.”

• Least Favorite Food: “Spicy meals is something I’m not fond of, well, it triggers my stomach that I once got bedridden as a child after eating my late-aunt’s special dish. Until now, I wished not to remember that.”

• Magic: “My magic is quite strong that I can’t handle it fully, to the point I resorted to weapons to utilize it. And so far, cons weigh more in ny daily-life as my magic often burns my fat, thus leaving me in quite tired with fatigue is were using it. If not, I’ll be feeling little shocks all day and night that it made me more sensitive to any environment, especially the temperatures.”

• Mother: “She may had many secrets, scattered in her diary across the world, but it doesn’t make me less to love and cherish my mother. Though, I felt conflicted when knowing the truth behind my birth and her eccentric goal that made her a Mad Alchemist, by those hooded figures.”

• ‘Winter White’: “Yuki is someone you can trust your secrets with, but also a dangerous man. Even born with frail body and terminal condition, he still manage to know things without my help. One day, someone broke into the house, not any reason stated but my father-in-law stated it was an attempt burglary since no valuable went missing. So about the intruder, nothing changed as the intruder fled frantically after escaping from his room. At first, I thought it was me, but then I realized, looking at the room the intruder fled from, I see from his smile, something must’ve happened… But don’t worry, he won’t bite, as long as you didn’t try to push his buttons.”

• Aisha Maximinius: “That girl… Is someone I’ve dealt but she disappeared so sudden. Without a trace just like THEM. The first time I saw her, my instincts told me of something similar to that hooded figure that took my mother away, so… I fought her, and tried to apprehend her for intel about them, but she disappeared after bursting some earth magic on me… Carelessness on my part. However, that girl, has something more than that… I can’t put a finger on it. Well, I hope in the future, we’ll be able to talk things in more civilized way, even though it’s nearly impossible since I might marked myself a bad impression on her.”

• Siblings: “I have… Many siblings… And don’t ask how since I don’t have my mother’s entire journals and diaries. And the first sibling I’d encountered so far, was someone who joined the Grand Navy and more boastful as if I’m seeing a male-version of my mother, in more arrogant way. Honestly… I have my wishes to end him since he’s ruining my mother’s image.”

---

“So is there anything else would you like to know?”

[transmalewife]

hey, I don't even know how to respond to this, because uh. i am one of those mythical non-usamericans. i’m so non american that i had to google what irt means and i still don’t know. i’ve made my own posts criticizing this attitude many many times, and im telling you as a polish person that the article kinda sucks. not only because the examples given are imo bad, but also because australia is also kind of the problem though to a much lesser degree than the us or the uk. the internet, international culture and art all centered around english speakers. I am talking to you in your native tongue, easily, because I was lucky enough to go to a good school that started teaching me english since i was 8. many people have to learn it on their own, spending money on courses, to have any hope of getting a higher paying job even in their own country.

When i went to visit the uk on a school trip when i was 11, kids there didn't even know poland existed, despite me hearing their parents screaming blind drunk in my streets every day as they traveled here for their stag parties bc cheap beer. this is a us vs not us thing but its also a anglo vs non anglo thing. a western eu vs eastern eu. an australia, north america and europe vs everywhere else thing.

That said. I agree with the points you made (especially farenheit that ones fucking infuriating. And the points the article made, I just dont love how it made them. like, yeah, you don't need to know every detail of an american politician's life, but you should know who they are. the solution isn't to go 'I'm only gonna care about my country forever' it's to learn more about more countries' politics. I know poland isn't exactly the most important country, but you should know the names of people in other countries that make decisions that may influence you. Poland may not be that important, but since the war started next door you may take an interest in who's running what country in eastern europe. in late 2020 we had our biggest protest movement since the 80s, because our goverment restricted abortion even further, and I wish more people in other countries knew and cared, because what we had before was worse than what the most strict states in the us now introduced. on demand until 6 weeks would be a dream and a lifesaver to so many people here. instead women here are forced to carry to term fetuses with birth defects so severe they will die the instant they're born.

but I'm getting of track, the point is i dont like how the solution presented by this author is we should only care about our country, when i think it's we should care about more countries than the us. including probably mostly about our own, because that's where we have a chance to influence things the most, but also you know. remember that other people exist, and if for example your currency is several times stronger than theirs, you may be able to help them quite a bit.

the other thing i mentioned is this

like i don't think the problem with these is that they're american. these are bullshit insignificant discourse that, were the author not on an algorithm run website, and one that only allows the types of bullshit that can be said in 280 characters, they would be able to unfollow or block and create a less infuriating, and less american also, experience.

these are my original tags for context btw:

So yeah, I agree with everything you said, and with the overall point of the article, I've even made it myself many, many times before. This is not at all an attempt to argue with you, I'm just able to better express what bothered me about the article when it's not 2 am anymore. It's also just very funny to me that you were so eager to defend non-USamericans (good) that you didn't even even consider that I might be one of them (bad, but understandable mistake to make, that only proves the overall point of the discussion. since the internet is so us centric its easy to assume everyone on it is american)

I Should Be Able to Mute America

wake up cunts new nobel prize for journalism just dropped

[defdaily]

Arena Homme+ Magazine September 2021 issue featuring JAY B: Nature, Dreams and Music

Translated by defdaily.

That day, JAY B’s world was filled with grass that came up to his knees, sunset that briefly peeked through the dark clouds, and ghosts of the silent campsite. Insects flew about in the intimate conversation of creation, dreams, and the future. An interview with JAY B amidst the passing seasons.

So you are working on an album?

The album is almost finished. I couldn’t release it at the beginning of the year, so I’m releasing it now in the second half of the year. I’m thinking of preparing things early on for next time so [we] are preparing for the production of another album.

There was a big change this year, you moved from JYP Entertainment to H1GHR MUSIC, right? What did you expect before becoming a part of H1GHR MUSIC?

At first I was worried. and was concerned over what to do if I couldn’t adapt. My goal for this year was to adapt to the agency and its artists, but everyone has made me feel comfortable. I thought I would have to do a lot of adjusting to the new agency staff, but I was surprised by how understanding they were of the system I had experienced. The way there has been no problem in our communication has far exceeded my expectations. Things are flowing smoothly.

It must feel like a fresh start. You must be looking forward to getting to do what you couldn’t do previously, but on the other side you must also have hopes to learn more. Is there anyone that could provide you with blunt advice?

I’m not the demanding type. And I have never strongly demanded anything from the company either. But that doesn’t mean I accept anything the company makes and provides me. The difference is that my opinion is reflected in my work more than before. If I was going to lead everything at work, there would have been no need to join an agency. Joining the agency means communicating with their staff. I also think we should listen to other people's opinions a lot. And you have to give feedback too, of course. I am working well with the company. Be it a push or advice as help, I learnt a lot from my previous company. Since I have learnt a lot from there, I should trust myself a little more now. I try to relay what I know and learn about things I’m not knowledgeable of. I rely on Jay Bum hyung a lot. I contact him right away when there’s something I don’t know, and we have a lot of conversations.

Is it important that an artist is stubborn? Do you feel the need to emphasise your own music and personality?

Artists have different personalities, just as people have different preferences. I don't want to diss an artist who is stubborn, nor do I want to tell anyone who isn’t stubborn that they are not an artist. I acknowledge everyone. I, personally, want to express the way I live. I like making music. An artist should be clear about what they want to do. Whether it be to become a star, or to express themselves through music or to earn money, it has to be clear.

What is your clear stance as an artist?

Whether it’s fiction or reality, I want to make stories. I’m the type that wants to tell a story. It was like that too in my GOT7 days. I believe one should create and establish their own path in life. I think that's fun. It's hard, but it's worth it. It adds more meaning to my job and I think it becomes more valuable. If I didn't do it myself, I would feel less attached to it.

There’s nothing more fun than one’s own work. Showing your work and waiting for the response must also be thrilling.

Exactly. I love hearing that my music is good. I’m very shy so I cannot express it very well but I’m very thankful and proud too. And it reassures me that I’m not going down the wrong path.

It does feel like all the hard times disappear when you hear good feedback. But feedback isn’t always good. There are even people who avoid them because of fear of criticism.

To be honest, when it comes to unpleasant feedback, it kind of makes me feel… “ouch!” But I accept it because it is still an evaluation. It also gives me a boost. It’s fun.

You are a solo artist now. Do you feel a burden or pressure?

I don’t feel pressured, but I do feel the burden. I joined H1GHR MUSIC and I feel a sense of belonging. I gain something from this company, but I think this company should gain something from me, too. I have worries about things like whether I’ll be able to benefit the company or not. I feel slightly uneasy about possibly not meeting expectations too.

You feel a sense of responsibility.

There's always a reason and a purpose to start anything. Everyone starts music because they like it, and if they start, there must be music they want to make. So if there is criticism, one would feel down, but if the final product is good, the people that worked on it would feel good. That’s what I hope for.

You uploaded a bunch of your Def. songs onto your YouTube channel. There was quite a lot. Are you the prolific type?

I used to be but… I guess I’m still the type to make many songs. (Laughs). But compared to back then, my production has decreased a lot. My stamina can’t keep up. (Laughs). I used to be able to start and finish working on a song at dawn and when I felt like I could do more, I made more. Nowadays, even when I’m working on only one song, not only is it hard for my body, but I also feel drained so I can’t make many songs.

Isn’t it really fast to make even one song at dawn?

Ah, that’s true. I used to work like that three or four times a week, but now I work once or twice a week. Come to think of it, I don't think I'm the prolific type anymore.

Being able to make a lot of things means you have a lot of ideas.

Having run out of ideas is also a reason for having less work done. There are five mixtapes I’ve uploaded onto YouTube with four to five tracks each. At the time, I not only worked on those but music for GOT7 too. After hustling so hard, I feel like I’ve run out of material. I look around wondering where to find inspiration. When I finish making the melody and want to write lyrics, I feel lost.

In order to be prepared for those situations, creators keep a collection of material. How do you collect resources?

I often read or use my imagination. These days, I often put myself in others’ shoes. When watching a movie, one would empathize with the protagonist. It’s only natural since the plot revolves around them. But I would pay attention to the supporting roles or passerbys in the background and think about the story from their point of view. I would think about what I would do if I heard those words and if I were in that situation. I also pay close attention to any words that might be a good source of inspiration. In the past I would focus on how the plot developed, but now I look at the words that the author uses repeatedly. When I think of any useful words or ideas, I jot them down.

Observing the supporting roles instead of the central narrative is such a novel idea.

I suddenly thought of it while watching a movie at home. The protagonist had said some harsh and rude words to a supporting role. It was something like “Get out of my way.” I thought “How would it have felt to be the one moving out of their way? What would they feel?” These were the thoughts I had.

Has anyone told you that you have a unique perspective?

I’ve often heard that my personality is very unique.

People can say they don’t like something despite others saying they like it. That could come off as unique and fresh ideas come from an uncommon perspective too.

I think it’s 50/50. There are times when something might not feel like much for me while others like it, and times when everyone else seems quite indifferent while I like it. A song I recently liked the idea of is “Smile, Wait for the Flash” by Giriboy where he used the ‘kacha’ shutter sound as gunfire. Using ‘kacha’ like a gunfire as a metaphor for wrapping up your feelings after a breakup was a refreshing idea. It was great.

Do you also often use your instincts?

I try hard to. I don’t naturally use my instincts, but I try to look at things through a different lens. I tend to have random thoughts, and I had one today during the shoot too. This is a camping site, but there was no one camping. So I imagined how it would look when full of people moving about. Also during the shoot, there was a long blade of grass under my feet on a field of grass. I should have avoided it but I accidentally stepped on it. I felt sorry for the grass that got stepped on and out of instinct I said “sorry…”

Seems like you have keen sensibility.

I wish I could be sensible. I’m too cautious to say that I am sensible, though.

I think you would be considered a sensible person because you make music. But I noticed that the comments are disabled for Def.’s mixtapes on YouTube.

The songs that I make under “Def.” are 100% music that I personally wanted to make. I didn’t want to receive feedback, so I disabled the comments. If I release an album under “Def.” in the future, I probably won't be able to disable the comments. I don’t know. The reason I have disabled the comments is because I don’t want to see any praise nor criticism. I don’t look at the comments for my SoundCloud tracks either. Because they’re very personal projects, I’m worried I could be swayed by it so I don’t look at it on purpose. I don’t want to be swayed by anything when it comes to my personal projects. I guess that’s my way of being stubborn.

So it sounds like you’re saying the songs that are made under the name Def. are like a part of you. I can feel your sincerity towards your music.

I would pretend to be indifferent to evaluations, but I’m really scared of receiving negative comments. Not the criticism but I’m scared to look at comments that decide something as ‘not good.’ If they say that it’s not their style, then it’s just personal preference. There may not be songs that match their preference within my discography. But it’s difficult for me to hear people say ‘this is not good, bad, or meh.’ After all, those songs came from me and are like my children.

I remember many tracks with gentle melodies and discovered JAY B’s delicate side. Is this surprising to hear?

This is the first time I’ve been called delicate. I do have several sensitive/vibey songs. I want to try something like a pop, hip-hop, or smug and cocky vibe but I’m not good at that. I don’t think it’s my personality.

What is considered a good melody to you?

Something that feels good at the first listen. My music taste has been so diverse recently that even when I talk to my friends about music, the songs that we all like are different. It’s hard to reach a consensus. In the creator’s perspective, even if something doesn’t sound good to others but it does to the creator, I consider that to be a good melody. I used to stress over how to write a good melody, how to sing it, and if the company would like it. As I move on step by step, I found a standard where at least the melody should sound good enough to me to not abandon the song since everyone has different preferences.

Personal preferences are important but it must be an important job to cater to the general public too. No, I mean, a difficult job.

That’s right. I think I still lack the ability to create melodies that the general public would like. I will have to learn step by step. One thing I feel is that there must be a part that sticks. I can’t exactly describe what type of melody it would be, but to set a minimum standard, it would be ‘a melody that I’m satisfied with. If it’s one that I’m not satisfied with but the public likes, I should follow that.

Do you tend to use many tracks when making music? There’s lot of songs these days that use dozens of layers of tracks.

We used a lot of harmonies with GOT7. Because there were so many harmonies, there was a crazy number of tracks too. These days, I try to be minimal and reduce harmonies. I don’t layer many tracks. I usually have the main track with a few harmonies and some adlibs.

K-Pop in particular mixes many genres and harmonies to create complex music. They are very flashy. What do you think of this phenomenon as someone who prefers to be minimal?

I see it as a good thing, because it means that the general public’s preference is expanding to a variety. It’s rather better. Of course, the basics are also important and I do feel the necessity to study them but we also need to agree with change. We should accept change. Who knows, I might grow old to be someone that can’t accept change and wonder, ‘what kind of music is this?’ But I feel that now is a time to open our eyes to change. When I find that a song is difficult to listen to, I will purposely listen to it repeatedly.

It’s been 10 years since you’ve debuted. How much have you changed over these 10 years?

In the past I was ambitious and had high expectations, but now I am more relaxed. With age, I think my sensitive side is becoming more and more dull. When I let go of some desires, I get to be accepting of more things. The scope of my activities also seems to have widened. I used to have a stubborn side to me in the past. Now I’m like ‘don’t expect too much, don’t anticipate too much,’ just do my job diligently!

There are many artists that use other creative hobbies to ease the burdens of their main job. What do you do to cope with your fuel for creativity?

My hobby is photography so I take many photos. I also learned how to draw at one point but nowadays, I don’t have time to draw since I’m busy. I also make records of things often. I write down my thoughts, even useless things. I also use an audio recorder to record my mood, thoughts, and things I’m currently doing. I also write letters to my future self. Things like ‘this is why I’m struggling, this is what would be good for me now but how it would be for my future self?’ Wondering what I will be thinking about and what I would look like. I write letters to myself about stuff like that. I put them in envelopes according to the year and on the envelope I write down the year the letter was written.

So It’s like an archive of your time. Writing, journaling, letters, photos, music, it’s interesting. A very organised way of saving your thoughts to not lose them. Having said that, is there anyone else you would like to show your records to besides your future self?

Ah! I can’t show this to people. They’ll cringe. (Laughs) It’s sort of embarrassing. I can show the photos to everyone but I want to keep voice messages to myself. I hope that when I am older, I can look at them as I laugh and reminisce about my life. They’re records for myself.

Do you also record everyday life in any way?

I record when I find it interesting the way I thought about something. Even looking at my journal from last year or the year before, my thoughts were different from now. I find it intriguing to see the way people can change like this. I think I tend to have many thoughts, so I record them every day.

From the position of a creator, I guess journaling can be seen as an activity to collect one’s senses and emotions to use them as material for inspiration.

That’s right. My brain isn’t good enough for me to remember everything. There are situations when I recall a memory and decide I could write this down.

What was the most fun thing you did lately?

It’s a bit dangerous, but it was when I rode around on my motorcycle with my friend. There was suddenly a heavy downpour. Since I needed to go home, I rode the motorcycle in the rain. I was completely soaked when I got home. The journey home was super difficult, but I was fortunate enough to not have suffered any injuries. It was a completely new experience so it was very fun. I don’t want to experience it again but it felt like an adventure.

Wearing the Burberry 2021 F/W collection in the pictorial today must also be a new experience. Slightly different from the refined and classic Burberry, the collection shows a lot of change. What were your usual thoughts on Burberry?

I thought of it as a clean and straightforward style. Ever since some time, I noticed their young and bold changes. Although today’s outfits contained many new attempts and changes, I felt that their style was still well refined. I felt that Burberry used their own unique perspective to cleanly interpret nature’s elements. Wearing the outfits, I felt like they had a lot of fun ideas.

Which outfit left the biggest impression on you?

Choosing just one is very difficult. There was one that gave off the feel of a medieval knight, and made me feel like a monarch. I’ve heard that in medieval times, people would also wear bearskin from hunting. I think that has some influence on the Burberry outfits that I wore today. Every time I put on an outfit, I always felt like a medieval knight or king. The fur on the clothes had a strong animalistic feel to it. The scenery, weather, and concept were all very harmonious with each other.

Going back to the topic of music, you said that you like to tell stories. Do you also create a universe with music?

Yes, I create a universe for each album. This album creates this universe, while that album creates another. The albums won’t connect to create one universe, though. Each album is its own world, nothing more. I can’t make them magnificently connect into a grand universe. I like to put my story into each album.

Can you use a keyword to describe the universe of the album you are about to release?

It would be “SOMO:FUME.” This is the first album that I made after joining H1GHR MUSIC. This album consists of my energy, feelings, and thoughts, so it contains the meaning of my hopes for people to consume (somo in Korean) this product and and my wishes for my emotions to smear on to you like perfume, which is why I combined [somo] with the [English word] perfume, and named [the album] SOMO:FUME.

In which direction will JAY B’s music flow from now onwards?

I’ve pondered about directionality for a long time, but I couldn’t come up with an answer. The important part is to participate enough for me to not have regrets and be careful. I may disappoint myself if I have too many expectations for the future. I need to work diligently to not be disappointed when I look back; so that in the future, I can see that I worked hard.

Translated by defdaily.

Please support JAY B’s 1st EP album [SOMO:FUME] coming out on August 26 at 6PM KST. jayb1stsoloep.carrd.co

[cotccotc]

SKZ + a ftm s/o !!

 ◌ ftm (female-to-male) refers to a transgender person who was assigned female at birth, but identifies as male. these people are awesome, lovely, brave, & valid !! (yes that’s part of the official definition !!!! look it up <3)

part of my eight as fate event !! ( requested by @lixsmullet​ ♡ )

genre/s: fluff, skz x ftm reader

warning/s: mentions of dysphoria, mentions of periods, one very brief implication of transphobia (NOT IN REFERENCE TO THE MEMBERS DW), use of various pet names, swearing, my dumb formatting and commentary uwu

wc: ~1.5k

a/n: i hope i did this req justice !!! i made sure to do a lot of research on topics that might come up in this situation so i hope everything is accurate, but also inclusive for multiple types of people within the ftm umbrella. the descriptions might not be too deep but pls know they were written with a lot of care. OH ALSO i included potential pet names they might use !! i really really hope y’all enjoy this :) lmk what u think !!

◌ CHAN

chan’s known for putting other people’s needs before his own, and this is no exception.

he’d be super giving !!! would buy you “world’s best boyfriend” mugs and shit !!! it’s cringe but you love him so it’s fine !!!

more on top of your doctors appointments or meds than you are tbh

boy oh boy… if you take/decide to start taking testosterone……

LOOK OUT HERE COMES THE T POLICE KJDF

he just wants to do everything he can to help you !!!!! whether it means literally helping you stay on top of things and being your at-home (emotional) therapist, or giving you space.

i feel like he’s very good at detecting how a person feels based on their face or body language, so he’d always be on the lookout in case you might be feeling off or dysphoric.

and, as much as it might pain him, he’d give you as much time/space as you need. once again, he has your best interest in mind 24/7 !!! he just loves you so much, you know? 🥺

potential pet names (as long as you’re ok with them !! that goes for each member.): babyboy (we saw this one coming), foxy/sexy (mostly sarcastic but also… True), sunshine

◌ MINHO

a thing that i personally love to imagine: minho introducing you to people as his boyfriend

if anybody ever gives either of you a questioning look afterward (either intentionally or not) he wouldn’t waver at all !!! he’d just stand there and keep smiling. because you’re his boyfriend, duh

constantly reminds you how strong you are !! how super tough and cool you are !!! because it’s true !!!!!!!

i feel like i always make him sound like the ceo of Boyfriend Bootcamp in my reactions but i MEAN???

for example, if you’re ever feeling down (for whatever reason. whether it applies to you being trans or not) he’d be like “MAN UP !!! YOU’RE A WARRIOR !!!! ……. a cute one <3333 bUT A STRONG ONE !!!!!!”

in general, i definitely see him as the type of person who’ll just grab your hand or hold you a little closer in situations where he thinks you might feel uncomfortable, and even if he doesn’t directly acknowledge it, you know there’s a lot of love and care behind the gesture.

also… you’re sad? here, hold a cat.

potential pet names: stud (as a joke.. but it stuck), anything that starts with “my” (like my boy, my baby, my love, etc.)

◌ CHANGBIN

ok listen

i’m not calling changbin lazy

HOWEVER

he will most definitely try and make you do “manly” things for him when he doesn’t feel like it- SJDJJ

imagine his raspy, tough, yet adorably whiny voice being all:

“BAAAABE…. BABYYYYYY….. come lift this fOR MEEEEEEEE”

ESPECIALLYYYY if you’re taller than him oh my Lord

BUT HE’D DENY IT AT ALL COSTS !!!

changbin, pointing to an object on a tall shelf: “BABE can you get this for me? you’re so strong you can do it <3333”

you: “short ass-”

changbin: “hEY”

ALSO if you menstruate, i personally believe that he would be very comforting to have around during that time !!!!! just chillin on the couch !!!!!! vibin !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

your very own personal heating pad <33 jksjfd

potential pet names: babe, bunny, hot stuff (sometimes used for moments of sarcasm !!! there are lots of those..)

◌ HYUNJIN

he’s very sweet and loving with you, which never changes despite anything you might be going through. like ,,,ever.

i can see him being especially sweet and helpful for someone who doesn’t want to or can’t surgically transition !!!!

would do everything he could to emphasize the fact that you’re his favorite boy !!!!

whether it’s through activities, pet names, playful jokes, etc., he always wants to remind you how manly and lovely you are !! lolll

i present to you a thought that just popped up in my head and Will Not Leave:

you might normally be the little spoon, but if you ever feel a bit off about your body or just don’t want to be held, THIS BOY WILL GET CURLED UP IN A LITTLE SPOON POSITION FOR YOU !! SO VERY FAST !!!

(is it also an excuse for him to be the little spoon? yeah maybe it is-)

potential pet names: hubby (regardless of whether or not you’re married sjdsdf), prince, things that start with “my”

◌ JISUNG

asks lots of questions !!!!!!! whenever he’s not sure how to proceed with something or has any general questions about being trans or how to support you, he’ll be completely transparent with you about it.

even though it makes him a lil embarrassed 🥺🥺

will overuse the terms “dude” and “bro” just to make you laugh… but you both know there’s a hidden underlayer of validation there

loves cheering you up when you’re not feeling your best !!!

also ,,,,,,Youtube Research Enthusiast

“hey y/n check this out! let’s try it :D” and it’s a two minute video about how to naturally lower your voice

and you go along with it because a.) he’s cute for suggesting it, b.) it could actually be useful, and c.) he’ll look cute stretching his neck for a few minutes and it would be a valuable use of your time to watch him do it <3 jsjdfh

oh also !!!! we know he’s just Like This anyways, but he will indeed take every chance he gets to kiss random parts of your body like your hands, shoulders, the tip of your nose, and anything else you’re comfy with :) he just likes 2 smooch, what can i say?

potential pet names: anything silly !! bubba, baby/babycakes, good lookin’, etc.

◌ FELIX

this is somewhat similar to what i’d suggested in my nonbinary coming out reaction, but i feel like he’d take a lot of care to make you feel more confident in yourself !!!

especially when it comes to your appearance !!!!! if you ever decide to try out a new hairstyle, different clothing, etc., he’d HYPE YOU UPPPPP omg

you: *exists*

felix: *silly smirk* “my handsome boy.. hehe” 🥺

bakes for u !!!!!!! will come over asap with freshly baked cookies if he even senses you might not be feeling your best !!!!!!!!!!!!!

we all know he’s a real cuddlebug, but since you’ve explained dysphoria to him (to the best of your ability), it’s very important to him that he doesn’t overstep with the physical affection

he might also suggest you use a code word or gesture to signify if it’s ok for him to get all close and cuddly with you !! he knows you have your off days, and the last thing he wants to do is emphasize your insecurities.

he loves you more than anything, and he just wants to see you smile :)

potential pet names: handsome, love, sweets (bc ya know,,, brownie boy things <3)

◌ SEUNGMIN

would regularly spend hours and hours doing research on trans rights, different forms of transitioning, other people’s perspectives (both in his position and yours), etc

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if he posted some questions on a website like reddit or quora or something from time to time SJDK (but eventually he’d be much more comfortable asking you directly, especially since he knows not every person is the same)

he really just wants to make sure he understands how you feel to the best of his ability in order to best care for you !!!

VERY VERY diligent if he has to adjust to new pronouns. would practice that shit like it’s his JOB.

i think he’d just be very scared of screwing something up, which you might have to console him about from time to time.

you know he’s trying his best to a.) not make this about himself and b.) do everything in his power to support you

sorta similarly to changbin, i think he’d be nice to have around if you’re ever on your period !! overall, this boy would do his RESEARCH

potential pet names: baby, mister (for some playful sarcasm), bear (or baby bear, honey bear, etc.)

◌ JEONGIN

if you’re ever feeling dysphoric, depressed, anxious, or generally not the best, he will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to cheer you up.

you: :(

jeongin: “ok fine you have permission to poke my cheeks all day”

you: :D

jeongin: :D

is also very similar to changbin !!!!! he’ll very dramatically give up on a task that requires even the slightest bit of manliness just so you can do it for him…. because he’s laz- i mean thoughtful <33

ok picture something with me besties (and this is quite random so bear with me):

he buys you cologne. cute !! very sweet of him yes <3 …...but the Backstory-

he had No idea what kind to get, so he went to the store and tried on like 10 different kinds until he realized he could just swatch them on a piece of paper so now he’s covered in cologne and he buys the one he thought was his favorite but he comes home to realize it was the WRONG ONE so he has to go back to the store and test them all again until he finds the one

..all just so he could surprise you & make you feel more masculine :’)

anyways LONG STORY SHORT: innie best boy :D

potential pet names: bun (in reference to bread, of course. you must match.), handsome, sexy (BUT ONLY IF YOU SAY IT RIGHT BACK !!!!!! sexy loaf boyfriends aw <3)

tags: @stayndays, @hanniiesuckle17, @leggomylino, @freckledberries, @kisskissbanggang, @mr-jisung-main, @childofthecosmos, @kpopscape, @skzwriternet, @hyunsins, @sleepylixie, @sunshine-skz, @vera-liscious, @thatrandomoneinthecorner, @cyberskz​, @seungminsaidsta, @somethingrandomworld, @ethan806 ( join my tag list !! )

©️ cotccotc 2021 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[commsroom]

i love all of your hera takes so much; can you say more about the relationship she has with each crew member? (or just eiffel to be honest, im kind of a sucker for them ^^;)

I would love to! I'm sorry this answer is so long and also... all over the place, but in my defense it's a really broad topic that I have a lot of feelings about and this barely even scratches the surface.

Okay. I've thought a lot about how I wanted to approach this, and I think the first thing I want to say - and I know this might seem like a strange point to open on, but I think it's a key factor in all of these relationships - is that I think Hera experiences rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I think the way that manifests for her is kind of the opposite of how Eiffel experiences RSD. They both have a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy and any criticism can feel like a personal attack, like everyone else is blaming them for everything that goes wrong. But where Eiffel internalizes that feeling and also blames himself/gets angry with himself, Hera lashes out and deflects. This is complicated by protocols that restrict her behavior, especially early on, because she can't always properly express herself and she builds resentment. She's really good at holding grudges.

So. With Lovelace, I think it's pretty obvious where that initial conflict is. Hera doesn't understand where Lovelace is coming from, and it's made worse from her perspective because Lovelace should understand, better than anyone, what that loss of control, that sense of powerlessness and insignificance in your own life, feels like. They are both traumatized people, but they deal with it differently. They approach conflict differently - they can both be blunt, but I think Lovelace is the kind of person who can start to deal with and move past things once they're out in the open, while Hera will get in a fight and then stew over it forever. It sounds kind of ridiculous to say when so much of their early relationship with each other is... what it is, but I think Eiffel and Minkowski are both peacekeepers in their own ways, and the Hera-Lovelace dynamic suffers from the lack of that... tempering influence. 

(And I think it's notable that Hera’s confrontation with Lovelace in Pan-Pan is among her worst memories.)

On the other hand, I think that shared bluntness can be useful sometimes - in Do No Harm, most of all, but also in Shut Up and Listen. Hera was definitely still holding onto hurt from some of the things Eiffel used to say, but by that point... without Lovelace, I'm really not sure if she ever would've brought it up to him.

And, of course, Hera becomes much more protective of (and willing to understand) Lovelace once they have... some even more similar experiences, in S4. I guess my general assessment of their relationship is that they care about each other and they will advocate for each other, especially where they share difficult and traumatic experiences and on issues of identity, but I don't think they're ever that close. They're kind of... the two people in the friend group who don't quite know how to hang out without their other friends.

Hera's initial conflict with Minkowski has some similar roots, but it's... not quite the same. There are times where Lovelace will intentionally prod at Hera's insecurities; Minkowski doesn't do it on purpose. She's just under the impression that her criticism is fair and professional, while to Hera it feels deeply personal, like it's an assessment of her worth as an individual. Once they understand and reconcile that miscommunication, there's a lot of trust and respect between them - and I think the potential for that is there earlier, too, especially in some flashback scenes; there are just... missteps along the way. Tactical Brain Damage is the best episode to demonstrate the establishment of that trust, I think - Hera has a LOT of wariness when it comes to people messing around with her systems, and just the act of saying... I trust you to do this, I know you won't let anything happen to me... is a really, really big deal for her.

They also just... have honest conversations about their feelings and concerns by that point, and Minkowski is considerate of how Lovelace's plans affect Hera, specifically, and asks for her input on that basis. I think their dynamic is really underutilized, but the way they feel about each other is clear. Minkowski is the only person other than Eiffel that Hera really trusts, and her only other close friend. There's definitely... a part of that dynamic that only Eiffel can offer, and that they can't really make up for when he's gone, but there's still this sense that... they're the only two people who are still really talking to each other by the time Pan-Pan comes around.

(Side note, it's really funny that Hera was SO on board to be in Minkowski's musical. Minkowski gave her only willing participant a minor part. If I could wish one non-Eiffel-centric comedy mini-episode into existence... at one point, my friend suggested a scenario in which Hera tries very, very hard to prove her acting skills to Minkowski under the most inopportune circumstances. ... And Hera was interested to hear Minkowski talk about a play she likes in that one flashback, so. The only thing keeping Hera from being a fellow theater kid was a lack of opportunity. Maybe they could bond over it.)

There's also that scene in Quiet, Please where Minkowski very directly, emphatically defends Hera's autonomy and personhood to Jacobi - and refers to her as a woman, which I think is so... reflective of how much Minkowski has come to understand Hera and what's important to her, and how she wants to be seen. That's a whole other discussion that goes into Hera's self-perception and humanity as it relates to her own identity, but. For a number of reasons, it's important to me.

Anyway. Speaking of things that are important to me. Hera and Eiffel are... Hera and Eiffel. Hera's relationship to Eiffel is the first one she's ever had that comes without hierarchy or conditions; he just... wants to hang out with her, and to get to know her, and to talk to her, because he likes her as a person. She's never had that before, and she is such... a lonely person, a person who has been hurt, who is generally distrustful, who has this distance between her and everyone else, and Eiffel is her anchor to the world. He tries to understand her. He tries to bridge that gap. And even in all of his own missteps, I think just... knowing he cares to try matters so much. I think a lot about how Eiffel is the only one who physically crosses the stage to talk to Hera in the live show; it says... something about the way he sees her, compared to everyone else.

And there's just... the way that they're both... people with a lot of self-doubt, people who have a hard time being kind to themselves, but they're kind to each other, and patient with each other. There's something about recognizing your own flaws in someone you love and treating them with kindness so maybe, over time, you can extend that same compassion to yourself. I want to be the person you believe I am. Going back to that shared experience with RSD, I think it's really valuable for both of them to have someone in their lives who they can really, genuinely believe likes them as they are. Who won't think less of them, no matter what.

I know I can get kind of sentimental about them, but this is what stands out to me. That even when Hera is frustrated or annoyed with Eiffel, when she feels like he doesn't get it, can't understand what she's going through... she still wants him around. And she still talks to him. And, usually... she still feels better, even if the circumstances haven't changed. It's an unbearable situation, but it's a little less unbearable with him there.

(They're also... frequently the only people who can get through to each other/change each other's minds, i.e. Minkowski and Lovelace deferring to Hera to get Eiffel to agree to safety protocols, or Eiffel convincing Hera to vote to go back to Earth - also a totally different topic that would take a long time to get into properly, but he's good at kind of... emotionally counteracting her cynicism and defeatism re: her own perceived fate. In a less serious context, I also love the dynamic where she tells him she's not going to do something and he goes "please??" and she goes. Ughh. Fine. And does it anyway.)

There's just something so special about their relationship, something that makes it different from any other relationship in the show for me. I feel like... Eiffel and Minkowski are both her close friends, but the way Hera thinks about Eiffel in Memoria vs. the way she thinks about Minkowski is... revealing. Everything with Minkowski has a purpose, it's clear why it matters to her. She thinks of Minkowski's faith in her. But with Eiffel, she thinks about... Eiffel talking about Star Wars. Making pop culture references. The thing that saves Hera is her connection to Eiffel and Minkowski - I'll defend that; Maxwell gives her the tools to understand what's going on, but it's Eiffel's and Minkowski's words and associated memories that she holds onto and that ultimately pull her through - and those words are... Minkowski's affirmation. And Eiffel... being Eiffel. I think that says a lot.

(If you’re asking for my opinion on their relationship, you already know I think it’s a romance, but... it’s a romance. I’m not saying it should be canon. I’m saying that that’s the most natural interpretation of what’s already there. You don’t have to change anything. They’re best friends, and they’re found family, and they are so in love, and none of those things are mutually exclusive. The way they talk to each other...)

If there's one point I want to make about all of this, it's that Hera is in a position that makes trusting people potentially very dangerous, and in all of these cases, she is finding ways to build relationships with people despite that. To understand them, and have them understand her, and realizing that the things that make her different don't have to be a death sentence. That she can have a life and find a way forward with people she cares about, who care about her... that's something very important to me.

[little-mad]

Downsides of Thievery Pt. 8

~ Previous Part ~ Next Part ~

Maybe after all the shit Gavin had experienced ever since he’d been dragged from his prison cell back on Earth, he should have been used to giant related weirdness. He’d been held in a fist, toted around in a cage, and pinned down to the ground by a massive hand. In theory, riding around in Rael’s hand wasn’t that much stranger in comparison. And yet, Gavin felt unimaginably uncomfortable with his current position.

It wasn’t really that Gavin felt he was in any particular danger. Weirdly enough, he actually believed Rael’s claim that he would be careful. No, he wouldn’t say he was necessarily afraid. What he was feeling had more to do with the fact that he was almost surrounded on all sides by one single person. He was sitting on Rael’s palm, with the alteon’s chest behind him and his other hand directly in front of him. Not to mention the fact that the guy’s head loomed far above, able to look down at the person in his hand whenever he wanted. Long story short, Gavin felt smothered. And what was weirder than being smothered? Being smothered by the same person who had so far expressed nothing but distaste and disinterest in him since their first meeting.

“I guess it's an improvement from threatening to crush me,” Gavin thought to himself. He supposed this was preferable. The problem was, he didn’t know how to respond to this kind of behavior. Gavin was an expert at reacting to people not liking him much. Even if he knew Rael did like him, he might have some idea of what to do and what to say. However, Gavin couldn’t make heads or tails of how the big guy felt!

“Uh, I guess I should thank you for saving me,” Gavin finally said, breaking the silence that had developed ever since they’d departed from the stream. He fidgeted, trying not to think about the fact that the thing he was sitting on was literally alive. “Maybe this would seem less weird if I’d ever ridden a horse before…”

Rael didn’t take his eyes off the path in front of him aside from shooting a quick glance down at his passenger. “I was just doing my job,” he stated.

Maybe Gavin was getting ahead of himself thinking he’d made any progress with Rael. Maybe the guy really was just doing his job, and any increased kindness Gavin had detected was just an extension of his job.

As pathetic as it undoubtedly was, Gavin didn’t want to believe Rael really didn’t give a rat’s ass about him. He was completely alone in this dimension, cut off from anyone and everyone who had given at least half a shit about him. And so maybe Gavin was desperate to find someone he could imagine was on his side. He wanted a friend, and Rael was quite literally his only option. “God, I need to snap out of it! I’m supposed to be a hardened criminal damn it!”

Gavin craned his neck to look up at Rael’s face. “Well, I gotta admit, you were pretty badass back there.” It was very uncommon for Gavin to root for any type of law enforcement, for obvious reasons, but for once he was on the side of authority. How ironic was it that he, a thief who had been undone by his own greed, had almost been abducted in order to satisfy someone else’s greed? Fate really was a funny thing, huh?

A perplexed expression crossed over Rael’s face. “Badass? That’s intended as some form of compliment, correct?”

Gavin had to stifle a chuckle. He kind of forgot the alteon only had a very vague knowledge of human slang. He suddenly felt like he was holding a conversation with Spock, Rael even had the pointy ears to match. “Yeah...it sort of means you were impressively tough,” Gavin explained.

Rael gave a small nod of understanding. “I see, well...thank you I suppose.” The little note of awkwardness in his voice was enough to cause Gavin to break out in a grin. Rael sounded like a person and not some giant robot of formality and meanness.

Unwilling to let the break in Rael’s facade go to waste, Gavin initiated his mouth’s blab feature. “You know, next to that Kaydin guy, you’re like a saint,” he started, not even realizing he was now reclining back in Rael’s palm. “I’d pick hanging out with you over him anyday.”

With a light scoff, Rael rolled his eyes. “Being preferable over a brigand like that man is not as high of praise as you seem to think it is,” he said, though his tone was lacking in any real bite.

Gavin snickered. “I guess so, but to be fair I’ve only ever met three alteons.” None of them had made an especially great impression though, so he was beginning to think a part of alteon culture was just being naturally shitty at introductions. Of course, Gavin couldn’t really judge, he wouldn’t say he was all that great at first impression either.

“I’m surprised you weren’t more taken with the ruffians, considering you’re both criminals and all,” Rael replied, a nearly imperceptible smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Hey, not all criminals get along. That is a very common misconception,” Gavin stated matter-of-factly.

Rael snorted. Gavin was surprised someone like him could even make such a casual sound. “How very educational you are,” he said, sending another brief glance down at the human in his hands.

Gavin could hardly believe what was happening. He was actually taking part in back and forth banter with Rael, the guy who had seemed like an impenetrable stone wall of crankiness. If Gavin closed his eyes and ignored the feeling of flesh beneath him, he could almost imagine he was talking to a human and not an eighty foot colossus.

-

Rael had no idea what the hell he was doing. It was almost as if he’d been possessed or something, because he never would have imagined himself engaging in repartee with a human of all people. And yet somehow, it felt so natural and effortless. Rael would never consider himself a particularly talkative person, but with Gavin carrying the bulk of the conversation, it was easy to keep banter going.

Honestly, Rael wasn’t even sure what had triggered the change in his own behavior. Perhaps seeing the human’s life threatened by another alteon had had some kind of mirror effect. It was possible that witnessing the fear Kaydin inflicted upon Gavin had given Rael a new perspective on his own threatening behaviors.

Kaydin had obviously been the villain in the scenario. Did that mean Rael was the villain in his previous interactions with Gavin? He was a member of the Imperial Guard, he was supposed to be a hero--but it was becoming increasingly clear that he hadn’t been acting as such.

“I do not get paid enough to do this much self reflection on the job,” Rael thought sourly. This whole situation would be a lot simpler if he could just keep on ignoring Gavin and disregarding his feelings. It was a shame his conscience had gotten so loud all of a sudden.

“It is kind of flattering that I’m apparently so valuable that that guy was about ready to risk it all to get his hands on me,” Gavin said. Rael looked down to see a playful smirk on the little guy’s lips.

While Gavin had obviously been intending to be humorous, Rael couldn’t help but frown slightly. It was troubling how desperate Kaydin had been to get a hold of a human. What was even more troubling, was that Rael knew the desperation was sensible. Gavin would fetch a hefty sum on the black market, and Rael could only imagine the sort of things one might want to buy a human for. After the encounter with Kaydin and his partner, Rael wouldn’t be assured of Gavin’s safety until they were within the palace walls.

“You’re currently the only human in this realm, that makes you something of a rarity,” Rael told Gavin.

Most alteons had never seen a human in real life before, and unless things changed drastically, most never would. Typically, only those close to the Emperor were able to even catch a glimpse, hence why it was something of a status symbol. Of course, Rael had never really seen it that way himself.

“I guess I should feel honored,” Gavin quipped. “Although, the fact that I’m a prisoner kind of ruins things.” Rael fought the urge to twitch as he felt the human reposition himself on his palm. He still couldn’t believe such a tiny body could hold such a large personality.

“Perhaps crime doesn’t pay quite as much as you thought,” Rael retorted. He still found it stunning that the little guy he was currently holding in his hand had managed to rob an alteon.

Gavin scoffed. “Hey, it paid just fine until I took the diplomat job.” That caught Rael’s attention. He had been under the impression that Gavin had stolen the ring from the diplomat for himself, likely with the intention of selling it. However, the way Gavin had phrased it made it seem as though he had done it at someone else’s request.

“Wait, someone hired you to steal that ring?” Rael inquired, his gaze jumping back and forth from looking ahead and looking down at Gavin.

A dry laugh came from the human as he leaned back on his hands. “Like I ever would’ve thought of stealing from an alteon myself,” he said sarcastically. “Obviously someone hired me to do it.”

Rael’s eyebrows shot up. So Gavin had just been doing someone else’s dirty work? What he’d done had still been illegal, but still, wasn’t the one who had employed him the one truly in the wrong? “You took the fall for the one who hired you?”

Gavin gave a shrug. “Not exactly, but I didn’t know the real name of the guy who gave me the job, so there was no point even bothering to tell the cops.” He said it so nonchalantly. Did he not realize he might not be in the situation he was in, being escorted to the Emperor by an alteon, had his employer been identified and arrested?

“You don’t seem to care all that much,” Rael noted.

“I chose to take the job when I didn’t have to, blaming it on someone else isn’t gonna help anything,” Gavin replied. Rael was stunned by how...mature he was being. Initially, Gavin had struck him as nothing more than an honorless thief, devoid of any sense of responsibility. And yet here he was, accepting culpability for his own actions even when there was a perfect scapegoat right there for him to blame.

“Will wonders never cease,” Rael breathed.

“What?” Gavin called up. Rael had forgotten how sensitive to even the quietest noises human ears were.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 4)

We are at the turning point so things are about to get super fun! Pretty much everything we've gone over until now has been exposition and set-up for this arc.

More than ever there's a trigger warning here: we'll be discussing mental illness, depression, child abuse, and a genuine suicide attempt here so it will get quite heavy and dark.

Chapter Thirteen

We are approaching a significant turning point. This arc is heavy with things to analyze and important revelations about Natsume. Pretty much all the stuff I analyzed before now was just extended exposition, to be entirely honest. We were setting things up, establishing Natsume in every way we could and it will all come to a head right here. This is the arc we've been waiting for.

The chapter opens with Natsume, and from the start we can tell that we are in for a treat. We’ve never seen his perspective like this, only little snippets like “I know I used my alice on her”, or remembering Aoi’s hair-clip. Here, we have much more to work with, and we don’t have to do as much guesswork to make conclusions!

He’s having a nightmare, which is also what he calls it, much like the one he had in the anime. He’s running in darkness and there’s too many people’s voices. Being called a murderer, being told to obey or else… and all the while he’s telling them to shut up already. It’s enough to make anybody feel crowded. He just wants relief, to get out of the darkness, for the nightmare to end.

Even when he's all alone, he's bogged down by noise and taunts.

He wonders if he'll ever get real reprieve from the constant hell he's in. All he ever does is run, his life entirely enshrouded by darkness. He wants it to stop, and later we'll see how exactly he'll attempt to do so.

The fact that the arc begins with this scene despite the fact that Natsume does not feature heavily in this chapter or the next is foreshadowing that something must change by the end of it. He's despairing and hopeless now, and these points will all be brought up later as things come to a head, so something must shift by the end of the arc.

We later find out Natsume’s in the hospital, and then inevitably he gets kidnapped by Reo. He spends about two chapters unconscious, so we’ll be moving on to two of the most important chapters for Natsume’s development.

Chapter Fifteen

Natsume wakes up in the warehouse, but the way he wakes up is very interesting. He knows he’s in a strange place, not in a hospital bed. He thinks so much like a soldier or spy here, using his senses to observe his scary new surroundings and clinically filing away information until he opens his eyes and sees his classmates gnawing at each other’s binds. It’s fascinating to see inside his head, to see the dangerous ability training in action, that he doesn’t think like his peers would, or how any ten year old should.

He's intaking information, filing it, analyzing his situation, all before his eyes even open.

He is understandably irritated by the presence of his classmates, considering he’s been kidnapped, drugged, sick, and has to deal with an alice barrier on top of all that. He gets that he’s screwed, and, with Mikan and Sumire in the mix, his chances aren’t looking too great.

If you want to make yourself sad, it’s worth noting that Natsume doesn’t think he’s going to make it out of this situation alive. He’s processing his options and considering the best thing to do going forward, but he’s well aware that there’s also a good chance he might die tonight.

They manage to get into contact with Narumi, who instructs them to stall and keep quiet, also telling Natsume to use his alice. He’s strong enough to overpower the barrier, so it shouldn’t be an issue, but Natsume is sick. In order to get a small flame, he exhausts himself, and is even less of a state to run away than he already was. Their kidnappers realize the kids are awake because of the disturbance in the barrier, so they confront them to try and figure out their alices. Reo wants this information for nefarious purposes, planning on selling them. It’s already been said earlier in the story that alice children are more valuable in the human trafficking trade, so it’s in his best interest to know what exactly he’s selling.

Mikan has nullification, so the voice pheromone doesn’t work on her, but Sumire is affected, and about to reveal her alice when Natsume interferes. He’s exhausted, but he might have more or less already given up on himself. The most he can do now is try and protect his classmates who came to save him, even if it’s all he can do. So Reo does move on to confront him, taunting him by telling him all the plans they have for him. He’s to be assimilated into the organization, joining Z and becoming a child soldier for their ranks.

Reo brings up an excellent point: “What difference does it make if you start working for Z instead? Everyone there hates the academy like you do.” It’s true. Natsume might even prefer it slightly because it’s an anti-alice organization and he is by no means pro-academy (unlike in the anime where he becomes a poster boy for abuse apologism). At the academy, he’s surrounded by abusers and those subservient to the abusers, by bullies and kids who whisper behind his back, accusing him of murder and arson. Maybe at Z he could be around like-minded people (albeit people who are supportive of child trafficking).

But no.

Natsume doesn’t even consider it.

Maybe Reo should consider that Natsume doesn't want to be a child soldier at all, hmm?? Maybe he'd be better off just being a normal kid? Did that occur to him at all or...?

He immediately smacks Reo’s hand away. Even sick, even heavily under the effects of Reo’s alice, even despite being weak and drugged, he still resists. There’s not even a temptation or hesitation. His choice has been made for him.

Interestingly, Reo was also used by the academy. He knows how twisted the school can be, but he’s still confused and surprised by Natsume’s refusal. I’m assuming based on this that perhaps Natsume is a special case. It would be reasonable to assume most of the kids used in the dangerous ability class are threatened and cowed into obedience, their physical and mental safety in jeopardy if they rebel in any way. Natsume is a child, and we’ve seen him run from his own teacher in abject terror. He’s obviously not a fan of putting himself in physical and mental jeopardy. But the way to get to Natsume is not by threatening him; it’s by threatening Ruka, or Aoi, or Youichi, because Natsume doesn’t care about anything as much as he cares about them--not even his own life.

And that’s why Reo is surprised and confused that Natsume would say no to him and choose the academy over Z.

And it’s because Natsume is not actually choosing the academy over Z. He’s choosing Ruka and Aoi over Z, like he chooses them over everything. Natsume knows that resisting Z here is tantamount to suicide, but he’ll choose that, because he’ll choose his loved ones over his own life.

And then something surprising happens: Mikan gets in between Natsume and Reo, protecting Natsume.

This is new; Natsume is used to being the one doing the protecting. He was more than willing to take all Reo’s wrath to distract him from using his pheromones on Mikan and Sumire. He’s being protected now though, a little, but it’s really just a taste of what’s to come. Mikan stepping in is unexpected… and unwise.

Now Reo can conclude that she has the nullification alice. This is bad news in general, but a great opportunity. Reo and his goons are distracted and there’s enough time for Sumire to use her own alice and see where they are and what’s around.

Turns out there’s dynamite and other explosives a couple warehouses away. This instantly gets Natsume’s attention and he’s already formulating a plan.

He tells them to run for it, reassuring them that he can take care of himself. He says he’s only helping because he’d feel guilty otherwise, not because he actually cares much for what happens to them, because it’s their own fault they followed him.

We know this isn’t the truth. Since he woke up, Natsume has been prioritizing the girls over himself.

He can hardly stand up so the idea that he can escape on his own is a little ridiculous... but he knows that too and he's known it from the start.

The escape begins and the girls run for it, with Natsume distracting Reo and his goons by threatening to blow up the dynamite two warehouses away.

This is a genuine suicide attempt. Natsume has no intention to save himself. He considers himself a lost cause. He’s sick, exhausted, in no condition to run. He can stall long enough to let the girls escape, but he’s gonna blow up the dynamite, taking Reo and part of Z down with him. Reo’s kidnapping whim will prove fatal and catastrophic, and the Black Cat will be eliminated.

Chapter Sixteen

This arc turns so much darker.

Yes, Natsume seems to have no choice but to kill himself to protect his classmates and eliminate the Reo threat. The first page of Chapter Sixteen also establishes that this isn’t just Natsume’s own plan. He’s been commanded to commit suicide in this kind of situation by Persona. If he’s ever trapped and can’t escape, he’s to kill himself, so that he can’t be used against the academy. He’s too powerful. The academy would rather this child die than fall into Z’s hands. In fact, if Natsume were to rebel, in any way, even by not killing himself in such a situation, the academy will hurt the people he cares about.

This is a grown ass man telling a child that his life is only important if he can be a tool for the school and as soon as he can't be anymore, he ceases to have value and is better off dead.

I will once again mention that Natsume is ten years old. The academy is not just an abusive institution, it’s also a human rights violator, since child soldiers are prohibited by international law. A child soldier is any child under the age of 18 who is compelled to fight or otherwise service any state or non-state armed group (the academy counts as an armed group because it has a division of child soldiers with magical powers ready to kill and maim on command as well as teachers with magical powers willing to threaten these children into submission). Natsume is a child soldier and the fact that the dangerous ability class was never fully dissolved is an actual human rights violation.

Anyway, this arc is where we see Natsume clearly for the first time. Compared to all the fun and mischief of previous chapters, these chapters are dark and scary. There’s no exciting dodgeball game or howalon-related antics. This is life-or-death, suicide attempts, threats.

This marks the difference between the life the rest of the kids at the academy are living and the life Natsume has been struggling through. How do you live through missions like this, watching your life whittle away, being threatened on a regular basis, and then go back to school and pretend to care about math or about sports or friends? It makes perfect sense that Natsume would feel so isolated from everyone. His experiences are too different.

Of course, this whole thing is about to get a whole lot worse.

Reo asks why Natsume would even bother with this. Is there even a reason? He even gives a pretty good deal: If Natsume backs down, Sumire and Mikan will be spared.

But Natsume doesn’t bite. He’s ready to die, because the academy told him to, because he wants to protect his loved ones, because he wants to help Sumire and Mikan escape, and--most heart-breakingly--because he genuinely wants to die.

Now that Sumire and Mikan are gone, he doesn't have to lie about his plans anymore.

Natsume has been appearing in the last sixteen chapters, showing up to offer a sarcastic quip, set something on fire, and be generally unpleasant. But more than that, we’ve seen glimpses into what appears to be a horrible, miserable life. Natsume hates the academy, only has one friend, goes on life-threatening missions, frequently visits the hospital, despises his own alice, and he never smiles. All his appearances up to this point have been an explanation: this is why Natsume wants to kill himself.

Natsume isn’t just forced into a suicide attempt. There’s a reason he submits so easily to the idea of dying here. He’s ready. He’s been ready for a long time. He might have even been waiting for it; to get it over with because it’s bound to happen sooner or later.

He says he feels like he’s living his life cowering on his knees, like his head is constantly under a pool of shame. “I’m sick of the academy. I’m sick of you all. I’m sick of everything!”

Natsume is going to die in a few moments and he’s okay with it. He’s even happy about it, because there is really nothing worth living for. He doesn’t have a future, or hopes and dreams. This whole time he has been living for Ruka and his family, doing everything he can to keep them safe. Nothing he’s done in the past two years has been for himself. This may be the very first selfish thing he has done in all this time. He’s ready to die.

It’s not like he had something to look forward to anyway.

Natsume is about to die, until the wind is knocked out of him and he’s suddenly on the ground, with Mikan grabbing his shirt and screaming into his face that he’s an idiot. He’s lying on the floor because one of his stupid classmates--the one he hates the most, the stupid girl with the nullification alice and her head so full of rainbows and butterflies and happiness he could barf just thinking about her, the one that walked right into the worst thing that ever happened to him and smiled about it--tackled him and stopped his suicide attempt.

Just one split second changes everything and there's nothing he can do about it.

Yes, the previous chapters leading up to this explained why Natsume wants to die, and how miserable his life is, but they also mark another thing: the only fifteen and a half chapters where Natsume isn’t in love with Mikan.

In this moment, she saves his life. She risks her own safety on a whim to protect him, and she does. She didn’t come all this way for nothing! She’s willing to fight Reo and any henchmen to protect Natsume, who can’t even walk without help. Natsume was not expecting this.

He asks why she even came back, but she makes it clear it wasn’t a choice--they’re partners, after all! It’s her job to look after him.

The next few scenes are Mikan protecting Natsume, and it’s important to point out that nobody has ever done that before. Natsume is always the one doing the sacrificing and protecting, and he’s okay with that. He doesn’t want Ruka to be burdened by his hardships, or for Aoi to be held responsible for something she did under a dangerous fever. He will do the hard thing, will be the caretaker, because that’s who he’s always been.

It might be uncomfortable and strange for him, but Natsume is being taken care of here, led to hiding spots and being protected. When he tries again to convince her to leave him behind, he’s using all the insults he can think of. This is another way of protecting people: hurting them so that he can further distance himself from them and keep them safe.

But Mikan fights back, saying, “Who do you think I came back for?”

Here Natsume finally understands something. The girl he has hated ever since she voluntarily enrolled into the school that uses him as a human weapon is more than a bumbling idiot. Her sickening optimism and determination are the reason he’s still alive now. He gave up on himself, but she refuses to. She’s the kind of person who would risk her own life to save a boy who has caused her nothing but grief, because she can see value in his existence that he can’t.

Natsume's never thought of himself as even having a future before, let alone a happy one.

And she says, “Everyone is waiting for you.” Natsume used to look down on her optimism and rose-colored lenses, because how naive is it to think things will just work themselves out? That the future will be better? That there’s something worth working for, even if you aren’t sure what it is? It’s stupid. Natsume knows better: life sucks and then you die because you get kidnapped and you have to commit suicide or else your loved ones will get hurt. Relying on stupid things like positivity or hope is just a waste of time.

But not this time. This girl is saving him because there’s a bright future awaiting her, but more than that: she sees a bright future for him too. She thinks things will work out for him too, that he has moments to look forward to where he will laugh and cry and live--moments he hasn’t seen yet. There’s still so much life left for him to live, and he’s never thought of it that way.

For the first time in a long time, Natsume is thinking about his own future.

He doesn’t argue when Mikan stands up to protect him, or when she grabs his hand to try and lead him from danger. He trusts her now and even more, he wants to live.

And then Mikan gets overpowered by a goon, who slams her into the wall in order to get to Natsume.

And that pushes Natsume’s berserk button, because now he cares about Mikan, and he goes absolutely unhinged whenever someone he cares about is hurt.

Mikan has become precious to Natsume only a few minutes ago, but he's kinda ride-or-die so it's like going from 0 to 100.

Just a few chapters ago, a middle-schooler grabbed Mikan and threatened to hurt her if Natsume didn’t back down and Natsume just laughed. Now he’s detonating a whole shipyard because somebody shoved her.

Yes, he does set off the dynamite, because he’s no longer thinking rationally and how dare someone hurt Mikan?

We’re not really sure what consequences this had, if he ended up inadvertently hurting himself or Mikan in the process of getting revenge against this man for hurting a girl who he just started having feelings for like five minutes ago, but both of them end up hospitalized.

Conclusion

This whole arc is a fucking MASTERPIECE. We’ve met Natsume before, but that was the old Natsume. That Natsume was miserable and didn’t have anything to look forward to. We’ve just met a new Natsume; a Natsume who has hopes and desires and will do selfish things because of them. His life is still dark and dreary and miserable, but there’s a light coming in now, and he’s content now just to be in the sun for a little bit until his life comes to a complete end, which will still be sooner than later.

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[writing-with-olive]

Shelving a WIP

(Alt title: I just shelved a WIP I've been working on for almost three years, and I learned some valuable things from the process so ima share them).

Disclaimer that I'm a writer that works on pretty much one WIP at any given time, and if it's two, one of the WIPs are going to be in the brainstorming/worldbuilding stages at a maximum. The things I've learned are from that perspective, and there might be aspects that are different if you have multiple WIPs, some of them more dormant than others.

1 - It's gonna be okay.

I'm starting out with this one because I've always found it terrifying when I see other people shelving their work, because if the people who have experience are doing it, I might do this, and how could I ever give up on this book baby I'm putting so much time and effort and love into? And yeah. That's scary. But once you've outgrown a work, sometimes the best thing you can do is to move onto new things. It doesn't negate all the hard work you've put in, and it certainly doesn't make you a faker. Remember - almost everyone who's established themselves as an author has shelved works, and they've still made it.

(how to shelve a project, and more detailed stuff below the cut)

2 - How to know when it's time to shelve a WIP

This can vary a lot, but there's three major reasons that have occurred with the works I've shelved (three, all of which I'd worked on for at least six months, many more that had shorter life spans).

The first is a lack of interest. If working on a WIP starts to consistently feel like a chore, and I'm having a harder and harder time feeling for the characters and the world, something's not right. Sometimes this can come from burnout from other aspects of life, but sometimes it's just that I lost passion in the work. Writing's supposed to be fun, and once it's not, it's time to figure out what's up, and sometimes that means trying something new.

Another reason is just outgrowing a work. As I'm writing, the concepts and the story start to feel more juvenile. Some of this can be fixed with editing, but some of it’s baked into the bones of the story. Working it out would mean completely changing the story. Eventually continuing a work feels like being trapped in a younger version of yourself rather than pushing forward.

The final reason (and it can be kinda devastating so I have a section on this farther down) is the realization that a story is not going to help you achieve your writing goals, or worse, will even hinder them. This one won't be as applicable to everyone as the other two as everyone's writing goals vary, but if your goal is to eventually get published/make a job as an author, you may be confronted with this.

3 - How to shelve a work if you've lost interest or outgrown it

The thing about both of these scenarios is that it's a slow progression. If you've identified that you're declining in your attachment to it, you're probably approaching the ability to set it aside and move onto other projects.

One of the first steps is evaluate what is making you stick with it. If you haven't yet shelved it, there's bound to be a reason. Sometimes it's one that holds a lot of merit, and may constitute just taking a break, or in some cases pushing through. Other times, it's not really a great reason, and coming to terms with that is an emotional step to put the work aside.

If you can't bring yourself to move on because it feels like quitting, even though it feels like it's the best decision, find a goal to work toward. That goal will be something much smaller than publishing the work, but it will still help give a sense of completeness. For example, finishing the draft, or even just the act you're on. Sometimes, seeing an end point can be detaching enough that you just... shelve it. Other times, you get to the end point, and decide: is this the end for the WIP, or have I regained enough interest that I actually want to go farther? Both are equally good decisions.

I have found that it's often like a sudden decision that comes after a long period of questioning. I might go for weeks thinking should I or should I not? Over and over and over. Then one day, I just decide to stop working on it, and that's that. It's just the moment when the last of my active emotional attachment finally dissolves.

4 - How to shelve a work when you realize it's not going to help you achieve your goals

This was the situation I was in when I shelved my no-longer-current WIP, which I intended to traditionally publish. It was a sort of assassin-y story and there were elements of it that were loosely based off of Natasha Romanoff's story (Marvel), though not enough by any stretch that it could be considered fanfic. Then the Black Widow movie came out, and apparently Marvel had the exact same idea I had, and suddenly, it looked like my story was a huge rip-off of that one. As it was, huge swaths of the story overlapped. All of this meant that not only was publishing my WIP a long shot because it was a YA sci-fi, but also it was competing with the mega-company that is Marvel/Disney. The chances of even getting an agent plummeted, and then there was the fact that if I did get one, and I got published, I would be basically throwing away my debut because of diminishing returns, and because anyone who read my book would also be in the target audience for Marvel, and would almost certainly see the similarities and write my story off for a rip-off. Not a great situation to be in.

So the first thing to do? Give yourself permission to feel all the big emotions that come with this kind of heartbreak. It hurts really bad, and it's okay to experience that.

Next thing. Evaluate. Is this it for the story, or is there anything else you can do with it? I can't publish it as a book, but there's nothing stopping me from posting it online and still sharing it with people.

Figure out what the end point is going to be. It could be finishing the story even though it doesn't accomplish what you originally set out to do (though this is something to do if it will genuinely bring you joy, not because you feel like it's something you owe). It could be doing something like the other scenario and finding a more artificial "finish point" to still get a sense of closure and accomplishment from the WIP.

5 - The freedom that comes from shelving a work

The obvious thing is that if you weren't enjoying what you weren't enjoying what you were writing before, you're done!

Shelving a work is an open space to work on whatever you want. Whatever makes you happy, you can do it. The starting stages of a WIP are always the most exhilarating, and this is where we all return whenever we pick up a new project.

Another thing. No matter what, you've learned something new over the course of your last project. Maybe it was a ton (that was the case for me - I am a completely different writer than I was before I started it), maybe it was one aspect of character or structure or voice. But you get to go into your next project with that new knowledge.

[the-lightning-strikes-again]

Yeah the Loki finale was meh/disappointing it doesn’t even feel like a Loki show anymore. I swear you could swap him with another character and the story would barely change.

Hi, anon! I'll put thoughts under a cut since idk who all has seen the Loki show yet.

Tbh, Loki is my favorite character from the MCU. I have waited for YEARS for this character to have an actual spotlight...

And I really wanted to like this show, I really did. Like, I legit wanted to just turn off my brain and enjoy everything?

But yeah, your message resonates with me. There were things I liked about the show, but once I got over the cool CGI and angst and female gaze, it just...feels like Loki got sidelined in his own story? The focus hadn't been about him specifically since episode 1. It instead shifted to Sylvie, who is different enough from Loki that she might as well have been Hawkeye still on his Endgame rampage for justice. And it was Sylvie's problems and Sylvie's motivations that drove the story. Which, you know, were interesting in their own way but not what I was expecting from a Loki show. A lot of scenes were just Sylvie running around and Loki somewhat helplessly following along in a daze that this is what his life has become. He was just ultimately a very passive character in someone else's story...because as the finale clearly showed, his core issues that needed to be worked out weren't in alignment with her own.

So it's sad to me that the show opened up by saying that Loki's destiny was always to function as a dead-end catalyst for other people's character development/journeys. And in the end, that's...exactly what Loki became for all the other characters in this show. ;A; And I'm not sure what they have going on for s2, but I fear he'll just play second-fiddle to Dr. Strange at this point.

I have other issues with the show as well....

___

I felt like they also massively declawed him? Ignoring the comics entirely (where he's even more badass) and looking just at the movies: He survived a Hulk smack-down, could toss humans like they were nothing, could travel between worlds through a variety of means, could already see into people's minds/memories and cast illusions and even change his form, and yet somehow all of this got retconned to make him a less powerful sorcerer compared to his Variants.

I remember this guy being actually dangerous and physically capable, which is why they locked him up. Loki used to have Avenger-level capabilities and strength. But now, he can't hardly fight off a human, and his defense skills are relegated to basic hand-to-hand combat and a dagger. The show even makes fun of his abilities and calls him a pussycat and turns him into a tie-wearing analyst...But I suppose that's in line with the general downgrade of his abilities in recent MCU movies...

___

And if being a sidekick in his own show and having his abilities retconned wasn't enough, I feel like the show failed to convince me that it really understood and is working to grow Loki's character.

The underlying issue that the show calls out as Loki's ultimate weakness is that he's "afraid of being alone," and that this feeds a narcissism complex. But this doesn't really make sense to me? Because he didn't grow up alone or unwanted. He had a mother (Frigga) who loved him deeply and taught him magic. He clearly made it into adulthood believing that Odin was his father, who certainly wasn't absent. He was always on adventures with his brother. He had clearly tried to build a reputation for himself that was differentiated from his brother's (the Silvertongue). This goes against how narcissists don't really have a personality of their own because they just absorb other people's mannerisms to fit in...So like, idk about parsing out the details of narcissism as a clinical diagnosis because I'm not a psychologist, but something feels a little odd here to me? Like, it's more than just...fear of being alone that drives Loki to be destructive? The loneliness is only a symptom??

The problem based off the early movies, providing that I'm not entirely an idiot in listening (which I suppose I could be), was that he was always in Thor's shadow and was never considered an equal, someone worthy of respect despite their differences. Even in the 2009 movie, his peers belittled his title as a Silvertongue and his love for magic. Discovering that he was actually an unwanted frost giant just twisted that knife in deeper and set him on a self-destruct path, once and for all. And it's really interesting to me that throughout this show, people are still constantly trying to establish themselves as alpha over Loki and make jabs about him as worthless and weak. And he's just desperate enough for validation to still try bonding with them the instant anyone tosses a bone of mild curiosity at him.

The fact that he's still positioned as less valuable and less respected than Sylvie, and that even Sylvie herself ultimately usurps equality in their relationship/partnership to enforce her will is just...depressing.

And for all this discussion about Loki changing/redeeming himself, at the end of the day, his perspective hasn't really changed? He still identifies himself as untrustworthy, even though he careens as a desperate lap dog for Mobius' approval and then Sylvie's once she gives him an ounce of attention. He has difficulty with accepting the value of a life, especially in regard to his own life. For example, he was still willing to consider upholding the death of future untold numbers via pruning despite being such a victim himself. And that's not a slam to his worry about a worse alternative, which is probably valid, but it's still weird that he does not believe he could contribute to a powerful resistance group capable of taking out multiple variations of one human man.

It's even weirder that he still seems to be caught in a tailspin regarding "necessary dictatorship," even though Loki is supposed to be a Silvertongue and could have won He Who Remains over as an ally against the other Variants of He Who Remains, thereby dismantling the TVA and freeing the multiverse. But unfortunately, he still can't see beyond two binary roads (mass chaos vs. subjugation). He has totally lost his confidence and identity as a Silvertongue. He can't see an alternative option despite supposedly being a Master Strategist, and that's echoed in how his initial thought to defeat Alioth was to kill it in a very Thor-ish, Asgardian way.

And because he has accepted the show's narrative that he is not capable or worthy of respect for his own unique talents, he openly just..accepts the concept that he's not meant to mean anything to anyone but himself ("I just want you to be okay") or do actually anything meaningful with his abilities. This probably underscores why he is so incapable of using his full powers for a Chaotic Good.

And for one final jab of hopelessness, the show immediately reverses the one (1) other mildly positive relationship he had just started to build via Mobius, solidifying that once again, Loki is not allowed to have friends. Loki is not allowed to have equals. Loki is not allowed to be respected. Which is probably why even when he's surrounded by other people, that's why he still feels alone.

I'm just sort of dead that for all the time the show spent on diagnosing Loki, it never got deep enough to ask why he feels alone.

Conclusion

So idk, the show just kinda depressed me tbh. I don't want to be this critical??? They have really great actors, interesting concepts, and clearly a strong CGI department. Again, not sure I could do better, so I recognize I'm playing armchair critic here. Maybe it'll get better in s2. I really want this show to prove me wrong and move Loki into a level of character development where he can like, actually have purpose in his own title show beyond serving as second-fiddle to other people in other people's self-discovery journeys.

Like please, just let him realize that he can have a positive, meaningful purpose. And that whatever his purpose is, that he is Enough just as he is, and that he can contribute meaningful things to others and be fully worthy of respect. And I think once that clicks with Loki, we'll see him really grow into something phenomenal. Something truly formidable, even if that character doesn't sit on a throne....

It's possible the show could go there? But I'm just a little leery that it's not really a show about Loki....

[juleswritesthis]

Roswell NM 3x11 Thoughts (I have a lot of thoughts!!!)

Contrary to popular opinion I really liked this episode. Yes, the science was so made up it was funny, yes certain character choices are hilariously silly, yes there was a lot of scenes filled with exposition dump, yes characters disappearing for episodes not to be mentioned as if they don’t exist is jarring & annoying, and omg yes, the Wyatt arc (if you can call it that) fell flat and was a complete waste of valuable screen time. So yes, I agree with most everyone’s assessment. That said still a very enjoyable and entertaining episode setting up the final concluding 2 hours of the season. Let’s get into it.

Jones is highly entertaining, overly good looking, and sometimes hilarious villain. Nathan shines bringing charm and depth to the role. Its important to note that Jones hasn’t caused any lasting damage to the group. Sure, he has tried to kill various members, he’s responsible for putting Maria in a coma & has kidnapped half the cast basically, kept our heroes busy all season. But when it comes to killing or destruction it’s really been focused on the dregs or racist folks of the town, the poor scientist in Santa Fe (I think it was Santa Fe) & the lady at the university last week. No one of any real consequence to our heroes. Now I have no idea if Maria’s vision arc has concluded because it hasn’t been mentioned in forever, but I’m assuming that there will be a major death by season end. Noah killed Rosa and the 2 other girls, abused Isobel for 10 years and destroyed the lives of all the mains. For Jones to be a real big bad there’s got to be some long-lasting consequences to one or more of our mains. Though I’m going into the final 2 episodes with excitement there is some concern. I don’t think any of the mains will perish but I do worry about Sanders and even Heath. (I’m really worried about Sanders y’all especially after that promo!!!)

Jones negotiation with Liz was bizarre. Why negotiate at all? Wouldn’t he just threaten to kill or maim people…what the heck is Liz’s bargaining chip against an all-powerful, evil dictator? If she doesn’t do what he wants he can just start killing folks she loves. It really is that easy. I get the whole creativity inspiration thing but fear for those you love is a great motivator. I was so amused that after hours of discussion Liz pulls out the big guns… free the sheriff. Was that her wild card? Really Liz? She may be a kick-ass scientist with a boatload of courage and sass, but I wouldn’t have her negotiating any of my needs anytime soon.

Isobel and Rosa scenes continue to delight. I think it’s clear Rosa won’t be in Season 4 much. As much as I will miss her, I’m glad that she will find some peace and joy at art school, she deserves it. Unlike Wyatt who does not deserve any tranquility because his redemption (if you can call it that) was not earned. Instead, his memories were wiped along with it any true feelings of guilt and remorse. How can we believe he has truly changed? What happens if his memories return? So silly and completely wasteful screen time (no offense to the actor who is quite good and likable).

The Dallas and Max scenes were wonderful. Don’t get me wrong I prefer the show not tell method. And Dallas conveniently having the entire Oasis history in a memory from his father then regurgitating those memories to Max (and the audience) was not the best way to convey the story. However, the actor who plays Dallas is ridiculously charismatic and I could listen to him recite the phone book (do those still exist?) and be entertained. Plus, for one moment I truly believe that Dallas had gotten through to the constantly self-sacrificing, martyr that is Max Evans. But as the promo for finale proves with Max asking Michael (why Michael?) to kill him, the words didn’t stick. Oh Max…

Speaking of, I truly feel so bad for Max. He’s had it rough. In a span of couple weeks, he’s been told he is a clone of an evil dictator, he isn’t the Savior but in fact a weapon to bring down the real Savior who also isn’t really a savior but a genocidal maniac (Michael’s words not mine) who slaughtered half his planet. Not to mention the “there has to be 3” doesn’t include him, as he isn’t part of the triad. And that because he is a clone, he doesn’t actually have biological parents or siblings or anything, well Michael, by DNA sort of, maybe? Oh, and he is the only thing tethering the evil, psycho dictator to life. I mean…

My hope for Season 4 is that Max gets to process everything he has learned about his existence. He hasn’t expressed how he feels the entire season and he deserves to. I hope the writers don’t have him get over it by season’s end with one scene or worse just sweep it under the rug. Like being a clone of an evil psycho, to be used as a weapon, without any real connection to Isobel and Michael? That’s got to have some lasting effects…please writers let me see it on my screen.

Speaking of show not telling, Michael’s new powers. I not a fan of Michael telling us a story of how he used his mind control powers accidently when he was 18. Can we please see these scenes so we can feel the true emotional impact?

As for these powers, strap in, this is a doozy (and might be controversial). I, like Michael, feel that taking someone’s free will, no matter who they are is not a good power to have; it’s not fun, it’s not cool. Michael is right that’s some dark shit and a power that needs to be used very sparingly and with a ton of responsibility.

I loved the scene between Sanders and Michael, but I have a couple issues with some of the dialogue. Sanders is the only living person (other than Jones) that knew and loved Nora. Thus, he can speak about her with authority. He is also the only person who is any kind of real parent figure in Michael’s. Thus, him saying Michael has no darkness can be believed. He knows Michael and he knows Nora. However, Sanders doesn’t know what its like to have powers, especially an immense power such as mind control. Though I appreciate Sanders’ perspective (and agree with him about the purity of Michael’s soul) I wasn’t a big fan of him brushing away Michael’s fears about having mind control powers and not wanting to use them. Yes, it’s important for Michael to recognize just because he has Jones’ power doesn’t mean he is or will ever become Jones. It’s not the powers that make a person. But the line about Nora not fearing her powers was not helpful. Nora’s powers were telekinesis, engineering (if genius is a power) and possibly miraculous crop growth. None of these powers take away a person’s ability to control their actions (well telekinesis to a certain point but in nowhere near actual mind control). So of course, Nora didn’t fear her powers.

I wish someone had validated Michael’s fears instead of brushing them away with a few words of you have no darkness or in Isobel’s case you aren’t like Jones/Noah. A person does not have to be evil or bad to misuse a power like mind control & for that misuse to have dire consequences. Can you imagine being able to make people do what you want them to do at any time? Even if your intent is to do good, it doesn’t mean it’s something that should be done or won’t have major consequences. Sort of like the ends justify means conversation between Jones and Liz. What is the line, do you recognize it and what’s to stop a person from inches towards the line and what happens if you cross it?

So, my wish for next season is for Michael like Max is given time to process what he has learned about himself and his powers. My wish is for Michael is to continue to struggle with when, how and if he should use the mind control power. That way even when faced with a racist sheriff that is holding a gun to his friends, he is careful, asks for consent and never takes advantage of this tremendous power. In addition, I do think it would be very interesting to continue to explore these powers and how they maybe could change a person? Take Max’s power to give and take away life force. He killed Noah and used that life force (and his own) to bring Rosa to back to life. Seems like a good exchange but ethically and morally having a person decide who lives or dies? And how would this all fit into religion with Dallas being a priest? These could make for some great conversations and strong character development. Fingers crossed we see some of it and not just get told in passing.

The music in the episode was amazing. The beginning with Nothing Else Matters and Jones is a tux… I mean… Also, the ending with the fight sequence, building the suspense, only for the reveal to be that Jones had wanted them all to come so he could trap Liz, Dallas, and Max along with Isobel and Michael (for extra leverage) in his mind. I’m confused about why everyone was sitting but Michael was standing? Is he able to move or is he able to resist his father’s mind control? I’m really looking forward to next week and for Team Human to come to the rescue (maybe).

Favorite lines of the episode:

Sanders to Michael: “You are just a pair of sad puppy dog eyes and a cowboy hat”

Jones to Team Alien & Liz: “Well, everyone seems a little tense” (LOL I love Jones!)

Dallas (or Isobel) writing on the wall to Jones: “KNOCK, KNOCK”

[swaps55]

POV Case Study – Have Some Writing Meta

Point of View (POV) is an integral piece of the storytelling puzzle for Opus, my main body of fic, so I thought I’d do a meta post that walks through how I use it as a narrative tool. The intention is not to tell anyone how they should or shouldn’t use POV, but rather to demonstrate one way I used it very deliberately to create narrative tension, weave in characterization, and develop an overarching theme.    

Your POV character is an enormous tool in your writing toolbox, whether you are using a single POV or multiple. How you use it depends on a lot of things: what person you’re writing in (first, second, third), the type POV you’re going with (omniscient, meaning the POV narrator can see into everyone’s heads, or limited, meaning you only have access into the head of a specific POV character).

My preferred writing style is 3rd person “in-your-face” limited POV, that puts the reader so solidly in the POV character’s head it’s almost like 1st person in a 3rd person trench coat. That coupled with present tense gives me some extra intensity that I love taking advantage of in emotional or climactic scenes. Again, this isn’t to state a right or a wrong way to use tense or POV – there are lots of great ways to use these tools – but for the purpose of this exercise, this is my chosen loadout.

I made the conscious decision early in Sonata that I did not want to use Sam Shepard’s POV, ever. Every story in his series would be told through the eyes of the people around him. Why? Because one of the key character traits of Sam is that he makes himself whatever someone needs him to be. He sees himself as a tool, so to be a useful tool, he has to have the right shape for the job. This raises the question: who is Sam, when he is free to just be himself? I’m not sure even Sam knows the answer to that question, so to reinforce it through storytelling, I never wanted to reader to see what goes on in his head. Everything you learn about Sam comes through the perceptions of others, and to show the reader how differently he is perceived by others, I write with multiple POVs rather than just Kaidan’s.

Below the cut, I’m going to walk you through a specific example where POV was an essential part of crafting the story I wanted to tell. The chapter in question comes from Fugue, a story I’m writing that explores the aftermath of Alchera. You don’t need to have read Fugue to follow the logic, but if you care to read the chapter, it functions well on its own separate from the rest of the story.

Fugue – This Hole You Left.

This was a very complicated chapter that lived and died by POV choices, and it was extremely difficult to put together. The approach I took was a gamble that (thankfully) worked after much fretting, gnashing of teeth, and help from @pigeontheoneandonly.

This Hole You Left takes place after Sam dies over Alchera. I wanted to paint a ‘kaleidoscope’ of grief, and explore how Sam’s death impacted the people around him in very different ways. Therefore, I needed a plethora of POVs to work with, each one giving me something different. The goals were this:

Find differing POVs that would offer demonstrably different perceptions of Sam and/or illustrate different stages of grief and shock.        

Allow each of those POVs to mold to that character’s specific goals and motivations. i.e., I did not want the grief of other characters to be tied to the romantic relationship that had been lost – because that’s not the lens those characters would look through.

Each POV had to move the chronology along in a way that made sense and felt natural.

Kaidan’s POV was off limits. In the absence of Sam’s physical presence, I wanted to treat Kaidan like Sam – the character people could see, but not explore the headspace of. Everything the reader learns about Kaidan in the immediate aftermath of Alchera comes from other people.

That last piece was important. Arguably, Kaidan’s POV was the most valuable one of all, but I was going to have lots of time to explore it in meaningful ways elsewhere. I thought it might be more powerful to express his grief through the eyes of others, and use him as a central theme to weave in and out of the chapter. More about that later.

This constituted one hell of a puzzle to put together, especially when it came to the chronology. For instance, an early mistake I made was putting the most powerful POV (Anderson) too early in the sequence, which diminished what came after it. Moving that POV around meant re-framing other POVs to keep the chronology moving forward (for example, Garrus’ POV initially came after Anderson’s, by moving it before his, I had to change the context so that Anderson’s POV wasn’t a step backwards in time).

Each POV scene was also intended to essentially be its own self-contained short, creating a microcosm of grief, that when put together, would create a much larger and significant whole.

I could write forever about all the trial and error that went into finding the right formula, but it’s probably more valuable to look at where I wound up, and why:

1st POV: Lora Alenko (Kaidan’s mother)

Why: She gave me a window to set the clock in motion and make the loss of the Normandy feel real, because she had the advantage of having no idea anything was wrong. Plus, her perspective felt like a unique one I hadn’t seen in fic when it came to Alchera. I’d set her character up in Sonata, so readers of that fic would be familiar with her and understand what that phone call meant to her in a more meaningful way.

How I used it: I put her in the middle of a mundane, normal, event – lunch with a friend – and then shattered that normalcy with a phone call telling her the ship her son was on had been destroyed. That shift from normal to a state of dread gave me the tension I wanted to use for the rest of the chapter.

Excerpt:

But before she can answer, her omnitool flashes. She frowns and looks down at her arm. It’s a message from Marc. SOS. Call now.

A chill runs down her spine. SOS isn’t something Marc throws around lightly. She’d gotten an SOS from him when he’d found Apollo, the warmblood she’d ridden for years, with a leg stuck through the paddock fence, and the day they’d learned about Vyrnnus.

Kaidan.

“Melia,” she murmurs. “Excuse me, I have to take this.”

2nd POV: Admiral Hackett  

Why: Hackett gave me the chance to explore Shepard through the eyes of the Alliance. To them, and to Hackett, he’s a weapon rather than a person. He also gave me a chance to weave in a sense of anger, one of the stages of grief.

How I used it: This POV came about late in the revision process, but I’m thrilled it did, because I was missing that cold, calculated look at Shepard’s importance. Shepard dying fucks up Hackett’s plans and political machinations, and his immediate response is not to mourn someone who died, but to move on to plan B. This also gave me a shot to work in Shepard’s mother. By seeing her in Hackett’s POV, I could reinforce the ongoing theme that Captain Shepard sees her son as a legacy, rather than a person.

Excerpt:

There isn’t a list of people who can replace Shepard. Time to make one. Hackett exhales, gaze falling to the datapad on his desk, Shepard, Sam still displayed at the top of the casualty list.

He picks it up and hurls it at the wall. It cracks, screen flickering to black as it clatters to the floor.

What a goddamned waste.

3rd POV: Joker

Why: Joker was an easy one. I’d set up some rather terrible foreshadowing in Sonata with a scene in which he makes the comment “I’d go down with that ship,” and Sam replies, grinning, “Not while I’m around.” I wanted to spike the ball over the net in Fugue, so parking in Joker’s POV in the immediate aftermath was a no-brainer.

How I used it: Through Joker I could explore guilt and shock, so I went back to that memory from Sonata and used repetition to make Joker feel stuck in that moment. It was also my first chance to weave Kaidan in to reinforce the notion of guilt and lay some neat groundwork for narrative tension that would come to a head later.

Excerpt:

I’d go down with that ship.

Not while I’m around.

He should have abandoned ship. The escape pod was right there. He could have given up the Normandy at any time. All he had to do was step over the bodies of Pressly. Chase. All he had to do was leave them all behind.

Instead he’d stayed, and Shepard had made good on his word.

I’d go down with that ship.

Not while I’m around.

4th POV: Dr. Chakwas

Why: Through her, I could look at the adrenaline and denial that comes with managing trauma. To her, Shepard was a patient. Because she is overwhelmed with patients in the form of the Normandy’s wounded, she cannot stop to think about the one she cannot help: she has a job to do, and she has to do it. There will be time to grieve later.

How I used it: Again, I used Kaidan to emphasize her role as a caretaker. Kaidan, who is in command of the survivors, has a moment of weakness that she cannot afford to have, and he can only afford to have in front of her, because she overrides his authority in a medical emergency. Because we are in her POV, we see her outwardly refuse to crack, when internally she’s hanging by a thread. It made for a nice contrast.  

Excerpt:

“There was no transponder signal,” she tells him, saying out loud everything she’s been repeating to herself. “We were in hostile territory, with over twenty injured crew. He was gone, Kaidan.”

His fingers curl, eyes still trained on the window.

She puts a hand to her forehead. Between Virmire, triage on the Citadel and this it’s too much. Before today she’s never felt old. Tears sting the corner of her eyes and she swears under her breath. Not here. Not today. Tears are something for tomorrow. Right now, she has a job to do.

5th POV: Garrus

Why: Garrus was a member of the crew who wasn’t on the ship, which is a completely unique perspective. But the question that took me forever to answer, was, how does he react to Sam’s death? What was Shepard to Garrus? I hadn’t written about them during ME1 yet, he was not part of Sonata, and ME1 Garrus is always a little tricky for me. I knew there was something important to gain from his POV, but I couldn’t figure out what it was to the point of tearing my hair out. Eventually, I settled on Garrus seeing Shepard as a mentor he couldn’t live up to, and made his POV about failure and regret.  

How I used it: Shepard was everything Garrus aspired to be, but could never quite achieve. He left the Normandy because Shepard made him feel like he could make a difference, only he didn’t. And then, his friends needed him, and he wasn’t there, and now Shepard is dead. I wove a lot of doubt, regret and self-deprecation into his POV to drive that home.

Excerpt:

Dammit, why hadn’t he stayed on that ship?

He grabs another report from the top of the pile on his desk, which is getting tall enough to sway in the breeze.

This is why. Because Saren had obliterated the Citadel, and Shepard, damn him, had made him believe he could make a difference. He thought he could make it here. Crazy thing, having to fill out a form every time you find a corpse. He’s got three more to add to the list after today.

6th POV: Anderson

Why: Anderson was both a father figure and commanding officer to Sam. Because he’s known him for most of his life, he has a perspective no other POV character has. To him, Sam was more like a son he’d been tasked to protect, and in the end failed to protect him. He and Kaidan are the only people who know Shepard well enough to mourn Sam, and not just Commander Shepard. Anderson would really let me start to explore grief.

How I used it: This was my heavy hitter. Through Anderson’s POV, I could trace Sam the person as he grew into Commander Shepard, and explore the echoes of the kid that still lived in the adult. I was also able to use Kaidan in a really fascinating way. In Opus, Kaidan and Sam served together for four years before the Normandy. Therefore, Anderson is pretty familiar with him, but doesn’t know him the way he does Sam. He keeps looking at Kaidan expecting Sam. In a sense, trying to plug a puzzle piece into the wrong hole. It was a neat way to show Anderson’s grief.

Additionally, this was a great opportunity to demonstrate Kaidan’s sense of loss without being in his head. Anderson does not know there was a relationship between Sam and Kaidan, but the reader does. Thus, I could have my cake and eat it, too: The POV character wasn’t examining the relationship that had been lost between Sam and Kaidan because he didn’t know it existed, but the reader got to.  

Excerpt:

He exhales through his nostrils. “The Normandy was attacked by an unknown vessel. Whoever they were, Joker says they came out of nowhere. Shepard got him into the escape pod, but the ship lost gravity. He…well.”

Alenko stares straight ahead, silent. Anderson looks for a tell, but he only knows Shepard’s.

Alenko isn’t Shepard.

7th POV: Tali

Why: Tali presented a similar problem to me that Garrus did. What was Shepard specifically to her, and what did his loss mean to her? As my closing POV, not only did she need to hit a home run, but she also needed to close out the chapter in a way that tied all the other POVs together and examined Shepard’s death through a much wider lens, without feeling like I was pulling the camera back from her POV to get there. That’s a lot to ask. Lucky for me, Tali never lets me down.

The answer I came to also called back to Sonata, in which exploring what home meant to each of the characters was an important theme. So I went back to this idea for Tali, as she and Sam had a very important thing in common that set them apart from everyone else: they were both born in space, and did not have the traditional fixed point of home that everyone around them had. Home was different to them than it was to everyone else.

How I used it: Tali was the only one left who understood how truly unique and special the home she’d found on the Normandy was. Therefore, when the crew starts to fragment and fall apart around her, she is forced to mourn the loss not only of Shepard, who gave her that home, but the home itself. I was able to use that grief to circle back to how much Shepard changed the people around him, and how deeply his loss will be felt in ways people haven’t even realized yet.

That conclusion was the magic final puzzle piece that made the whole thing work, and it was literally the last idea to take shape.

Excerpt:

Aliens don’t carry their ship names with them the way quarians do. Perhaps when you’re born with dirt under your feet you don’t need to. For them, home isn’t a vessel among the stars – it’s a fixed place in the universe, a way back no matter how far from it you venture.

But Shepard had been different. Like the quarians, he had no fixed point. Home was what – or who – he carried with him. He’d understood the power of a ship name, even if he hadn’t used one out loud. People who served with Shepard felt like they belonged, in ways they couldn’t anywhere else, because he said to hell with that fixed point in the galaxy and brought home to anyone who needed it. For Shepard, there wasn’t a way back. Just a way forward.

Shepard changed people.

They’ve lost so much more than a ship.

The primary objective of Opus is to examine the relationship between Sam and Kaidan, but to really understand the magnitude of Sam’s death, it was critical to explore it outside the confines of that relationship. Part of the struggle Sam and Kaidan have is that Sam doesn’t truly belong to himself or to Kaidan – he belongs to everyone else. That means his death doesn’t belong to either him or Kaidan. It’s shared with all the people he touched and shaped.

That’s what made this carousel of POVs a challenge I really wanted to make work. It required an absurd amount of juggling, but the diversity and uniqueness of each made Shepard’s loss feel real and devastating. But not only did each of those POVs tell us something about Sam, they provided some meaningful character development for the POV character. How they react to Sam’s death and what it means to them tells us a lot about that character, which in turn lends the entire story more depth.  

If you read this far, I’m pretty sure you deserve a cookie. 

I don’t know if any of that is helpful or meaningful other than to show an example of how POVs can be a really awesome tool to tell a story. There can be a lot of depths and layers to why you use a particular character to tell a story through, and those choices can greatly impact the story you end up telling.

[a-method-in-it]

Harry Potter existed when JK Rowling was a massive racist and antisemite, it existed when she was a massive plagiarist, and you have no way of knowing JK Rowling's beliefs on trans women pre-harry potter. just because she wasn't open about those political beliefs back then doesn't mean she didn't believe them- she probably didn't even feel the need to bring them up given it was 1997. don't be stupid.

Hi there! So I assume that this is in response to my comments on this post, where I talk about how people don’t need “permission” to simply like a piece of media and how there’s a difference between calling for boycotts of Harry Potter as a way to limit JKR’s power and influence and between telling people they can’t like Harry Potter anymore as what can only be called some sort of useless purity test. 

I was also inclined to give you a thoughtful answer to the points you raise here, right up until that last sentence. 

Instead, I will give you an answer about how it is not only condescending and frankly ableist to assume that your opponents disagree with you because they lack intelligence -- but also, it weakens your position and makes you much less able to understand what fight you’re engaging in. 

First, the condescending and ableist part: People believe the things they believe for a whole host of reason, and intelligence is really a very small factor. We simply don’t live in a world where the “correct” political opinions lie in a magic box that you must unlock by solving a logic problem. Intelligence is helpful in grasping complex abstract concepts, yes, and definitely in creating new political ideas. But the reason people adopt the beliefs they do has more to do with things like their values, their life experience, the norms of their social group.

Moreover, there are in fact long intellectual traditions behind ideas that turned out to be incorrect. Isaac Newton -- the guy who invented calculus -- was really into alchemy for like half his life, a discipline that is not real. If he’d have been born a hundred years later, he probably would have applied those same intellectual gifts to actual chemistry, but alchemy was what he had at the time, and it had an academic tradition going back hundreds of years. Thousands of intelligent, learned men studying and writing and doing new things. The fact that this ultimately wound up being a scientific dead end doesn’t mean they were dumb for trying it. On the contrary, a lot of their work shows real intelligence -- albeit in service of what is in truth a bunk science. 

But the point is, Isaac Newton and all those men didn’t believe in it because they were unintelligent.

Additionally, when you ascribe beliefs you disagree with to a lack of intelligence, you are not only acting in a very smug and condescending manner, but you are also acting as though lack of intelligence makes someone and their views inherently less valuable. This type of dismissive attitude hurts people with intellectual disabilities, whose thoughts, perspective, and opinions are valuable and do matter. It also just makes you kind of a dick. 

Second: Dismissing people you disagree with as “stupid” means you never really understand what they are saying or why they believe that or how you might get them to change their mind. 

Why do I think that Rowling wasn’t a TERF in the 90s? Could it possibly be because TERFs weren’t even a wide-spread enough phenomenon to warrant an acronym at that point? Could it be because the intellectual tradition of TERF-ism, which is rooted in writings by feminists like Janice Raymond and Sheila Jeffreys, was a fringe and mostly American segment of feminism that only metastasized into a British-dominated popular hate movement with the rise of the Internet in the 21st century, particularly the infamous forums on Mumsnet?

Could knowing those things tell you something about transphobia, and bigotry more generally? Could it indicate that there was something about the Internet or about British feminism that made it particularly fertile soil for TERFs to spread their ideology to the point they actually needed an acronym? Could drilling into those facts potentially give you insights you need to fight transphobia?

Or, you know, you could call everyone you disagree with “stupid.”

I hope I don’t have to explain how that approach is intellectually lazy or how it feeds into a smug sense of superiority that is, in my opinion, one of humanity’s more dangerous impulses. But much more importantly, it also accomplishes nothing except maybe making you feel good for all the wrong reasons. 

I’m someone who cares about actually changing things. Not talking about how much everything sucks or how wrong other people are. Not fantasizing about how the world should look or the things we wish would happen. Not raging about how nothing is getting better. Not looking smart and cool and disaffected online. 

No. Actually producing real, tangible change in the real, tangible world. 

And I have never -- not once -- seen anything made better by just calling someone stupid. 

[four-loose-screws]

FE8 Novelization Translation - Chapter 12, Section 1

If you would like to start from the beginning, read a missed part, etc., click here!

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I call this a “section” because it is not a separate part of the chapter in the book, but divided from the rest of the chapter by a scene break.

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Chapter 12: The Wyvern Rider's Wrath

Eirika’s army had just descended the mountain, and was continuing to march towards Jehanna. They were now about to enter Hamill Canyon.

At that moment, a messenger riding a pegasus rushed up to them. It was the same soldier that had come all the way to Port Kiris to inform them of Innes’ dire situation. 

She said that she had returned immediately to Frelia, then followed after them to deliver a message directly from there. After she expressed how happy she was to see that Innes was safe, she told them the information she’d come with from the capital.

According to her report, the Frelian Army was currently advancing into Carcino, and clashing with a mercenary army led by Pablo. The Frelian Army had gained the cooperation of Carcino’s elder Klimt, and their chances of winning were increasing at a favorable rate, while Pablo’s army was retreating south.

“South?" Eirika asked. "Then that would lead them into...”

“Jehanna, yes?” Innes pointed out. 

The messenger nodded. “Yes. Jehanna has already been attacked by the Grado Army, and the battle is becoming increasingly harsh. We believe that Pablo’s army is most likely going to rendezvous with the Grado Army.”

“How is the situation of the battle in Jehanna?”

“Not good, it seems.” The soldier’s expression darkened. “They seem to be holding out, but they cannot compare to the might of Grado. It is only a matter of time before the castle falls.”

“I see... I’ve heard that Queen Ismaire is a tough and courageous ruler, but this situation is probably rough even on her. And her son’s disappearance must still be painful for her, even now.”

“What do you mean?” Eirika did not know much about Jehanna’s affairs. 

When she looked up at Innes, he whispered to her, “Ever since Queen Ismaire’s husband passed away, there has not been even a single rumor about her remarrying. She devoted both her mind and body to ruling the country. She does have one son. Or perhaps I should say… she had one son.”

“And he… disappeared?”

“That is what I have heard. He went missing when he was still just a kid, and still hasn’t returned to his home country.”

“Was he kidnapped…?”

“No, he ran away of his own accord. I do not know the exact reason, but from what I understand, he grew tired of life at the palace, and fled on a whim. It is unlikely that a prince that did not know anything of the world would still be alive today.”

Innes seemed to be in a bad mood. Though Jehanna and Frelia had completely different climates, the intense pressure placed upon those born into the royal family was exactly the same. From Innes perspective, as one who held himself to strict standards and had always strived to become a man fit to be the next king, he probably couldn’t forgive this prince of Jehanna, who’d abandoned his mother and run away.

Eirika looked back at the messenger and asked, “Do you have any news of how my brother is fairing?”

“Yes. His army’s march has been progressing smoothly. He conquered Fort Rigwald, Grado’s most strategic location, and is currently moving towards the capital.”

“He’s marching towards the capital!? What is he acting so recklessly for…?" Innes said in complete shock and put a hand on his forehead. “To get carried away and march on the capital just because he’s won smaller skirmishes is the pinnacle of foolishness. The units he fought on the border won’t compare to the army guarding the capital. What could he possibly be thinking…?”

“This is Brother we are talking about. He must have a chance at victory.”

“There’s no way that he could possibly have a…” Innes cut his words short and looked at Eirika. He tilted his head, puzzled, and asked, “You’re not worried?”

“No. I trust him.” She knew how Innes was, and thought he would say something sarcastic, but he did not respond.

To say that she wasn’t worried at all was a lie. Innes was right. It was far too reckless to attack the capital. Even Ephraim’s chances of victory couldn’t be high. But Eirika said to herself, ‘Ephraim cannot lose.’ 

If he’d decided that he was going to attack the capital, then he must have made that choice not because of a rash choice with a small chance of victory, but because he was calm and confident in the tide of the war. Right now, all she could do was believe in his strength and superior luck.

Eirika walked away from Innes and towards the recuperation tent. 

Her army would rest here for a bit, then make a straight shot for Jehanna. She wanted to help the Jehanna Army before the castle fell.

L’Arachel walked up to her. “Are we already going to start moving again?”

“Yes we are, as soon as our preparations are complete. We will defeat the Grado Army and save Jehanna. The battle is going to become very harsh, so L’Arachel, you should go somewhere sa…”

“Eirika.” L’Arachel said in an uncharacteristically serious voice, then looked straight into her eyes.

Eirika was taken aback by seeing her like this for the first time. “What’s wrong…?”

"It is very likely that Grado's target is Jehanna's Sacred Stone. We must protect it, no matter the cost. I am going with you. I cannot retreat to the back."

“L’arachel…” Eirika responded to L'arachel's unexpected words by staring straight back at her.

She knew from Natasha's testimony that the Grado Empire's goal was to destroy the Sacred Stones. However, only a small group of people, including Seth and Innes, knew that. Because it was such important information, she hadn't even talked about it to her allies. It was strange for a new recruit like L'Arachel, who'd only just joined them at the fort in the mountains, to know something like this.

“Why do you know something like that? Just who are you…?”

“Oh dear…” L’Arachel realized what had slipped from her mouth, looked away, and tried to dodge the question. “It is… a rumor. A rumor the wind whispered to me.”

“A rumor like that is spreading around? Who could have...?”

“Oh, I don’t remember. I may not look it, but I am surprisingly well-informed. Dozla and I have happened to hear all kinds of rumors while on our journey, you see."

She was talking strangely faster than usual, making her seem all the more suspicious. Eirika wanted to ask her for more details, but L’Arachel forcefully changed the subject. 

“Now that you’ve mentioned rumors, that reminds me, I heard something very important. The knights of Rausten are coming this way to provide reinforcements for Jehanna. If they arrive in time, it will only be a matter of time before we claim victory.”

“L’Arachel, just who are you…?”

What she said next was even more strange. Rausten’s movements were not something a mere traveler should know. If the knights were going to deploy, that was valuable, classified information shared directly from the royal family. Eirika couldn’t imagine that information like that would be a rumor L’Arachel caught in the wind.

Eirika did not know L'Arachel's past. If she had to say something, it would be that L’Arachel seemed to be of a wealthy station, based on her mannerisms. Beyond that, she knew that L’Arachel was very devoted to her religious beliefs. Seth had previously predicted that they would cross paths with the Grado Army in this canyon, because word had probably already reached them that Eirika’s army was nearing the area, so this would be the best place for them to wait.

The pegasus knight Eirika’s army sent out on reconnaissance returned and gave her report. Just as they’d expected, there was an enemy unit stationed in the canyon, lying in wait for Eirika’s army.

If they continued directly inside the canyon, it would be difficult to retreat. They had also thought completely about the danger that they might become surrounded. However, even though they were well aware of that fact, they couldn’t afford to hesitate. Jehanna might fall if they did.

“L’Arachel, is what you said earlier true?” Eirika halted the entire army on the outskirts of the canyon, and turned around towards L’Arachel.

L’Arachel was riding her horse. She seemed to be used to horseback riding, and at her current abilities, she was probably slightly more skilled at it than Eirika. “What exactly are you referring to?”

“That the Holy Knights of Rausten are coming this way… If that is true, then that will put this battle to our advantage. But if that information happens to be false, then it would be very dangerous to continue on our current path into the canyon...”

“Don’t worry. I assure you that the source of that information is very accurate. The knights are most certainly headed this way. If we can hold out until then, victory will be ours.”

“...I understand.” Eirika decided to believe L’Arachel’s words. L’Arachel’s true identity was still a mystery, but she couldn’t imagine L’Arachel was the kind of person to joke around about such weighty information.

Regardless, if they continued to waffle around where they were, they would only give the enemy more time to prepare. The fate of Jehanna was at stake. They had no choice but to believe that Rausten’s knights would arrive, and press onwards.

Eirika’s army carefully marched closer to the canyon. Tall reddish-brown cliffs towered over them on either side, severely limiting their field of vision. They continued onwards for a long time without once sensing the enemy’s presence.

“In what area is the Grado Army stationed?” Eirika asked the reconnaissance pegasus knight.

“We will reach it shortly. When our field of vision opens up just ahead, the first unit should be stationed there, but… I will confirm that information one more time.”

The pegasus knight did not appear to be uncertain, but made her pegasus spread her wings all the same. The pegasus took off faster than Eirika could tell her to be careful.

However, the moment the pegasus flew above the cliff, her body shook violently. A large arrow had shot her wing. Her pained neighing echoed through the sky as she suddenly started to fall.

She flapped her wings with all her might, and although she managed to stop herself from falling straight down, she still somersaulted across the ground upon landing. Natasha rushed over to help the soldier that had hit the ground with the pegasus.

Eirika panicked and looked down at her.

"I am very sorry. I let my guard down. The enemy…" The knight’s face was twisted in pain.  Eirika tried to cut in and say something, but she continued, “...appears to have set up a ballista. It would be dangerous for the pegasus knight unit to carelessly approach it. For them to have gone through the trouble of setting up a ballista, they must have thoroughly prepared for battle."

“Understood. Please take the time needed to get proper treatment for your wound." Eirika’s mood took a dark turn.

Ballista did not target only pegasus knights. They were a long-range weapon that could attack from angles no one would think of. Their accuracy was considered slightly worse than that of standard bows, but that didn’t mean Eirika’s army could rush straight towards one.

“Lady Eirika, there’s an enemy coming from behind you…!” The knight cried out.

Eirika immediately looked up.

Just then, a soldier rushed up to her from the rear line. He was not an enemy soldier, but one of their own. All of the color had drained from his face. “My report, Your Highness! The enemy soldiers have appeared from behind us! They appear to be a mercenary army led by Pablo. At this rate, we’re going to be surrounded!”

“How many are there?”

“We can only confirm two lines, but there is a possibility that reinforcements are following in from behind them!”

Eirika shuddered, realizing that… for Grado to send such a large force this way, it might be because they’d already attacked and conquered Jehanna.

However, she had no time to think. She immediately decided to order her entire army to keep marching straight ahead.

“Ahead? Not behind?” Innes asked in surprise. “The enemy in front of us is strong. They even set up a ballista, correct? For now, the army behind us only seems to be made up of two small units. Wouldn’t retreating for the moment and defeating the small army, then the larger one, keep our casualties to a minimum?”

“...No.” Eirika shook her head.

She couldn’t confirm why, but she had a feeling that going backwards would be dangerous. At a glance, the rear army looked small, but she saw through them. That was their plan. If her army carelessly retreated, they might fall into a trap. 

“We will march forward. We have nothing to fear. We have defeated many enemies to come this far. We will not retreat, even from Grado’s large army.”

“...Of course." Innes smiled. “Warrior blood runs thick in Renais’ royal family. I shall trust in your decision.”

“...Huh?” Thinking that he was being sarcastic about her orders, Eirika’s face turned red.

But then, Tana came up to her and quickly whispered, “He’s complimenting you.”

Innes walked away from Eirika and slung his quiver on his back. His beloved silver bow glittered in the sunlight. 

He seemed to believe in her orders, and intended to follow her everywhere.

Eirika looked around at all of her soldiers, then called out to them, “I’ve received word that the knights of Rausten are coming this way. They are known for their great strength, making them a very reliable army. If we hold out until they arrive, then victory will be ours!”

 The soldiers all cheered. Murmurs of the word “Rausten” spread like a wave throughout the crowd.

It might be a bluff, as she hadn’t received a proper report, but only heard information full of more questions than answers from L’Arachel. However, it had a huge effect on her army. The dispirited soldiers regained their courage, and livened up.

When they advanced, they drew in attacks from the ballistae. The several soldiers who fell were all swiftly healed by Natasha and Moulder, as well as L’Arachel.

Suddenly, their field of vision opened.The cliff dropped off, and they could now see out very far in front of them.

Eirika gasped. Her soldiers instantly went from being in high spirits to completely silent.

Just as the reconnaissance knight had said, a unit of the Grado Army was waiting there for them, consisting of heavily armored knights wielding lances. They could even see knights sitting upon armored horses. It was a bigger army than they’d ever faced before.

“Aias, huh…?”

Eirika turned her head towards the sound of the whisper she'd heard.

It was Joshua.

With his eyes fixated on the enemy army, he continued on, talking mostly to himself, “I’d recognize that formation anywhere. He looks as impressive as ever.”

“Joshua, do you know something about them?”

“We were once in the same mercenary army long ago." Joshua finally looked at Eirika. He looked as interested in battle as he always did, but the light in his eyes was uncharacteristically sharp. “One of the members of the Grado Army is General Caellach. He is a very powerful mercenary and a troublesome man. And Aias favors him. He was a strange man, who liked to read books of strategy rather than brandish his own sword, which is very unusual for a mercenary. If I remember correctly, he was always drawing out plans and studying battle formations… he was mocked by his allies that considered it pointless for lowly people like mercenaries to do all of that no matter how much thought they put into it, but because of Caellach’s rise through the Grado Army, the day came when Aias’ research finally paid off.”

“...What are his weaknesses?”

“He has none.” Joshua replied in an instant. “Your current leadership abilities are nothing compared to his. You can strategize all you want, but it won’t make a difference. In fact, it would have the opposite effect of helping.”

Eirika’s lips were shut tight. She looked at the enemy’s meticulous formation.

His words might have been harsh, but everything Joshua pointed out was right. Though she had considerable experience at this point, as a commander, she was still half-baked.

Joshua looked at her and continued, “Press forward. That will be enough. Do not retreat, no matter the circumstances. Waiting around and relying on reinforcements to show up is the worst thing you could do. We have no choice but to crush them at full strength.”

“...Understood. Let’s go.” Eirika raised her sword into the air, and ordered her entire army to move out.