#ch: desmond

[sentfromwolves]

break and/monster for anyone from HBABL!! >:)

YES YES YES >:3 LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO

I'm going to do this for Judge and throw a curveball and do it for Desmond too!!! hehehehehe

　◢ QUESTIONS *

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest? monster: Is your OC monstrous in any way? Is there something that makes them monstrous? Are they aware of their own monstrosity? Do they accept it or reject it?

❖ 》　JUDGE ; break ➡

This is so hard to do for Judge HMMMM I think first of all a full break down for Judge is really silent. It can look like he's going catatonic, like you just can't reach him anywhere, he's gone somewhere inside of himself that's too far away for anyone to connect with anymore. All you can do at that point is just sit with him. He's not loud or violent or angry at this kind of lowest of lows. He's just silent and defeated in such an overwhelming way that he completely shuts down. I think in so far as what would cause him to break down completely might be something in the vein of feeling like he's done everything in his power to accomplish something or help someone, and it all amounts to nothing at the end of the day. If he tried so hard to reach someone and save them, or if he tried so hard to be there for someone only to have it amount to absolutely nothing in the end because he gave too much of himself over to them and all they did was take and take and then walk away, it would devastate him. Demon though he is, this man is a recovering people-pleaser, and he has always had a bad habit of giving too much of himself to others and finding himself distraught and alone when they leave him once he feels he has nothing left to give.

❖ 》　JUDGE ; monster ➡

Yeah, Judge is monstrous. He's vicious, destructive, violent, and he will bite. Like a dog that's been beaten all his life, all he really knows now is violence and survival, and while he'll dress himself up as the charismatic demon archetype, when he's pushed into a corner, he'll do anything to get out of it, no matter what it looks like to someone else. The thing about his monstrosity is that it's a product and result of his trauma. It's something that he had to evoke in order to survive, and he carries a huge amount of trauma, shame, and self-loathing around it. Does anyone remember that quote from that one movie haha, where it's a dog saying "I don't know why I bite." That's Judge sometimes, he's just been in a reactive state to the harsh realities of his living situations and experiences for so long that he needs to externalize in ways that can be seen as utterly unhinged and feral to others, but it all roots so deeply inside of his trauma, and he knows deep down he doesn't want to continue living this way forever.

❖ 》　DESMOND ; break ➡

The permanent loss of his brother would undo Desmond completely. He's kind of gaslit himself into thinking that he hates Aleksander to the point of wanting to just Be Better Than Him At Literally Everything, and also wishing with desperate, reckless abandon that Aleksander would just fucking die and stay dead so that Desmond wouldn't ever have to confront the actually incredibly fucked up, complex feelings of guilt, shame, obsessive love, and devotion he has for his older brother. Because he's so desperate to think he can claw these emotions out of his chest, he truly does think that Aleksander permanently dying would be ideal, but if this turned into a reality and Desmond actually did lose his brother, he would shatter entirely. It would be like a dog chasing a car down the highway, sure that catching it would bring them joy, only to be left crippled and destroyed upon collision. That's what would happen to him, he'd be distraught beyond belief. It would ruin him. No one has ever seen him at his true lowest, because Desmond keeps his cards and true self so close to his chest. The only person that has ever come close has in fact been Aleksander, but because Desmond spites him so much, it led to fights and altercations every time. Aleksander has no power to help his brother out of these low points because Desmond would sooner bite off his own arm than reach out and take hold of Aleksander's outstretched hand.

❖ 》　DESMOND ; monster ➡

Oh yeah, Desmond is monstrous. He is a deeply flawed individual, and despite his calm, poised exterior and manipulative tactics, he's constantly and obsessively driven by obsession and envy. Both of these emotions are rooted deeply in his complicated history with his older brother, Aleksander, who has always made Desmond feel like a gnat in the shadow of a giant, constantly working tirelessly just to break free from the looming dark. Desmond wants to kill his brother just as surely as he wants to be recognized by him, and fantasizes about gaining that recognition by killing Aleksander in several different ways. Yes, sometimes these fantasies leave him feeling disgusted, but he continues to obsess over them too. He performs most monstrously whenever it comes to matters regarding Aleksander, but he is also just a despicable man with a lot of power and personal issues. While the core of all of this obsessive love and envy and shame roots deeply in a traumatic moment in his childhood where he inadvertently was responsible for the death of his baby sister and parents, and blamed for it at the time by Aleksander, it doesn't excuse the extent to which he goes to just be a horrendously awful person in his adult life. This guy straight up needs therapy.

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✨Come ask me unsavory questions about my ocs! ( •̀ ω •́ )y✨bonus points if you want to throw them out for the PITS cast, the Berserker crew (Avarice, Josefine, Kai-Ren, Roach, Luka, Haru, etc), or the developing death wip hehe

[1alchemistart]

some doodles!!!!

[aerequets]

I'm sure this has been said before but it's so funny how super spy extraordinaire Twilight cannot see the big fat elephant in the room that is Damian's crush on anya

you got this kid basically going down a checklist of "how to say you have a crush without saying you have a crush". like by the book. and twilight is worried that him dancing with his crush is gonna make them grow further apart. like...

(on the other hand it's probably a good thing bc who knows what plans he'd concoct knowing Damian's soft spot for Anya)

[dxsole]

@crystalpower​ | Wanted to Meet Desmond!

Raff squints, genuinely confused. “...What’s wrong with the tracksuit?” Well, technically nothing was wrong with it. It was just...a lot...on the eyes. Especially seeing Raff wasn’t the only one wearing head-to-toe plaid.

Many of his boxers in attendance also wore their own version of his outfit, a small school of heavyweights all clad in dizzying, plaid monstrosities, blinding everyone they come across. Raff sniffs, glancing back at his team and noting the similarities. 

“...I didn’t tell t’em to do t’at.” But as their mentor and the closest thing to a father many of them had, they tended to mimic him every chance they got. “And in their defense, some of ‘em come to me with nothing but a snot-face an’ wha’ever rags t’ey got on. I get me clothes in bulk...it’s just easier. They’re all welcome to take whatever they please.” Raff grumbles, knowing full well he buys in bulk in case they didn’t have something warm and clean to wear. 

[peachiiwren]

redraw of a scene i still can't believe is canon

Version without the speech bubbles under the cut:

[peanutjinan]

The new chapter really makes me believe that Henderson sees a lot of himself in Damian, and that he is trying to prevent Damian from making the same mistakes that he did.

By prioritizing only his goals, Henderson missed out on love and friendship during his youth, and mentions that he harbors some deep regrets about it.

We see in Ch 39 how he tries to encourage Damian to spend time with his friends instead of just studying all the time, and he helps nurture the bond between Damian, Ewen and Emile.

And in Ch 95, he encourages Damian to participate in the Eden dance event, something he himself declined.

I really love these parallels.

Keep doing a good job in providing Damian with some proper adult guidance, Henry. We all know the boy needs it.

[poopsiesnoopy]

SPY X FAMILY CHAPTER 96

Super late post but I couldn't just not draw them.

The confession. The manga panel.

UGH MY HEART I JUST CANT 🫠

Twilight's tearing up in the background because PLAN B is going swimmingly (not because he had to spend 5,000 dalcs on Anya's dress).

Yor's also scaling the walls so she could see her little babie's first dance ❤️

[stellas-and-tonitruses]

these last 3 chapters more than ever have left me wondering about the timeline of spy x family and in particular,

donovan's age.

i'm not going to go too deep into the full timeline because i simply don't think we have enough info to make a real robust timeline, BUT i do think we can very feasibly approximate donovan's age with our current info.

I also won’t be using any precise years like 1964 or whatever bc at this moment in time I find that to be kind of useless, bc the only years we have happen very early in the story in background details and for a lot of those ones, I noticed endo had a tendency to just carelessly put whatever so long as it looked fine from afar, which includes news that were happening around the time of that chapter's release. SO unless he decides to explicitly highlight actual years, I’m not gonna be like “this happened in 1964 and that happened in 1953” and anything of the sort.

now, i shall partake in my least favorite activity.

✨math.✨

so uh buckle up my fellas and feel free to correct me anywhere where i might be wrong bc i am more than aware that math is NOT my strong suit!

SPOILERS FOR CHAPTERS 97, 98 AND 99!

gonna start with the facts!

according to the spy x family EYES ONLY fanbook, henry henderson is 66 years old at the time of the current events of spy x family! in the past three chapters we have learned that there is a 3 year age gap between him and martha, so that would make her 63 years old currently.

as of the events of chapter 99, he is 22 years old (and martha is 19), assuming there wasn't any years-long time gap that was not mentioned within the chapter! which, it doesn’t seem like there were any MASSIVE time gaps, so I’ll be using those ages for calculating.

so, what all this means is that we are (roughly) 44 years into the past at the moment! previous info about the war of loid and yor's childhoods puts it at around 20 years old, so from where we are in the backstory, we still have roughly 20 more years before Luwen is attacked — clearly, because this first war has already ended with donovan still in school.

while we don't have loid's age, we do have yor's, who is 27 years old — meaning she was born around the time of henry being 39 years old, aka clearly neither loid nor yor have been born yet as of the events of chapter 99. too into the past for now!

now, how am i gonna get donovan's age out of all this?

simple! henry's his teacher and has a talk with him after his jail time.

like I mentioned previously, I shall be sticking to 22 for henry’s age here. it may not be fully correct, it may be a year or two off because we aren’t given concrete details on exactly how long he was in jail, so just take it with a grain of salt! it's only going to remain as a rough estimate until we get a definitive answer on donovan's age.

so! henry has a talk with donovan, but the conversation itself, while very important for the plot and especially for our understanding of donovan’s character, is irrelevant for this conversation. no, what's crucial here is what henry is holding. endo even highlights it by focusing an entire larger panel on it!

it's a history textbook for year 7 students!

it being a history textbook is very poignant for the conversation they're having, but the reason this is important to me is because it's very clearly a year 7 textbook.

now, i don't know how much of eden academy's curriculum is based on the uk! but because pretty much all of the architecture of it is based on eton college and endo has literally just returned from a london trip where he showed us he visited a kindergarten, so i think that's grounds enough for me to assume eden academy's year 7 is generally populated by children between 11 and 12 years old. luckily for me, that seems to be the general age for germany's secondary school year 7 too, so even if it's not the british one, it's still close enough!

with all that being said, if donovan is, say, 12 in that moment and henry is 22, that means there is a 10 year difference between the two of them, which, drum roll please, means donovan desmond is 56 years old when our story's events take place! assuming the war of loid's and yor's childhoods took place exactly 20 years ago (when yor was 7 and henry was 46), this would make him around 36 years old when he became ostania's prime minister! it would also mean he had damian at 50 years old, and if demetrius is 12 right now, that would mean he was born when donovan was 44 years old (and his birth would’ve been in the last years of the war).

so, rough events timeline based on all that, focusing on ages!

66 years ago: Henry Henderson is born.

63 years ago: Martha Marriott is born.

~56 years ago: Donovan Desmond is born.

49 years ago: Martha (14) transfers to Eden and meets Henry (17)

47 years ago: Henry (19) graduates Eden.

44 years ago: Henry (22) joins Eden as a teacher, in the same year becomes Donovan Desmond’s (~12) history teacher. Martha (19) graduates Eden and joins the Women’s Defense Auxiliary.

~44 years ago: Martha (~19) is presumed dead. Henry (~22) faces jail time. The war ends, and he marries.

27 years ago: Yor is born. At that time, Henry is 39, Martha is 36, and Donovan is 29.

~27 years ago. [REDACTED] is also born. Same as above, just approximate this time!

~20 years ago: Second war begins. Yor and [REDACTED] are ~7, Henry is ~46, Martha is ~43, Donovan is ~36. Yuri is born.

~12 years ago: Demetrius is born. Donovan is ~44, Yor and [REDACTED] are ~15, Henry is ~54, Martha is ~51, Yuri is ~8.

~10 years ago: Second war ends. Demetrius is ~2, Donovan is ~46, Yor and [REDACTED] are ~17, Henry is ~56, Martha is ~53, Yuri is ~10.

6 years ago: Damian is born (and most other kids in his and Anya’s grade). Demetrius is ~6, Donovan is ~50, Henry is 60, Martha is 57, Yor is 21, Twilight is ~21, Yuri is 14.

5-4 years ago: Anya is born. Damian (etc.) are 1-2, Demetrius is 7-8, Donovan is ~51-52, Henry is 61-62, Martha is 58-59, Yor is 22-23, Twilight is ~22-23, Yuri is 15-16.

1 year ago: Yuri (19) becomes part of the SSS. Anya is 3-4, Damian (etc.) is 5, Demetrius is 10-11, Donovan is ~55, Henry is 65, Martha is 62, Yor is 26, Twilight is ~26.

I HOPE THAT HELPS PUT THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE?? melinda is not included bc we have nothing to go off of for her age outside of purely subjective things like her appearance.

super glad endo included the year 7 thing JAKLSDFKLSD

anyway thank you for reading!!! :DD

[kikyocaps]

[animaymay]

SxF 96 Analysis: Some Small Details About the Reveal

Ok, hear me out. I haven't even read the manga for Spy x Family (yet); I've only watched seasons 1 and 2 of the anime, but I've somehow stumbled upon spoilers for the last two chapters (ch. 95 and ch. 96), and other small bits here and there.

And since I am not totally caught up on the story, I hesitate to call this a proper analysis since I'm mostly going off of what I know from the anime at this point. But!

I've been following the chatter and excitement following chapter 96 and I just wanted to throw this quick analysis out there, since I haven't seen some of these details mentioned yet.

So, I'm going to focus on this particular moment, just for what it is. Down the line, after catching up and having all of the character and story details, I might revisit this scene again with additional insight.

Of course, I'm sure we've all seen this panel at this point.

At first glance, this panel is beautifully drawn. You can tell that it was drawn with a lot of care and attention to detail. Typically, such manga panels are used to emphasize the fact that this is an important moment for these characters and/or the story.

There are even bits of confetti(?) flying around them, reminiscent of cherry blossom petals; this is another known technique used in manga to indicate the emotional importance of a scene for the characters featured.

That all feels pretty obvious, I'm sure. But I also wanted to point out other small details given here, which could potentially add another layer to this scene for folks.

I've seen a lot of discussion around how Anya's admission here is a big deal (and it is). But I haven't seen anyone mention the small detail here that she whispers, "I can read people's minds."

I believe that is also why we see that speech bubble transparently -- to visually show us the softness of her voice in that moment (in addition to representing Anya's willingness to be transparent about herself).

However, let's consider the conversation up until this moment. Right before, Damian had jokingly asked her, "How did you know about my dog and the pond, anyway? What, did you read my mind or something?!"

Of course, he was not expecting Anya to say, "Yes". But it's not the fact that Anya said, "Yes" that makes this scene impactful. Anya could have easily said the exact same words, at normal volume, with a smirk on her face, and nobody would think twice about it. Damian would have immediately understood that she was teasing him. And anyone overhearing their conversation would have thought the exact same thing.

But that isn't what happened. Because Anya was serious in that moment. With a genuine expression on her face, she says, "Yes" and then she whispers her secret to him.

And that is what shocks Damian. That is what causes him to freeze.

In that moment, he's able to sense her sincerity and hear the truth in her words.

His gut reaction is to believe her, whether it's because it's Anya or because of how she said it. It isn't until he has a second to think and his brain kicks into gear that he starts to notice the disparity between what he knows to be true and what Anya is telling him. In a split second, he questions this, and then ultimately rejects the notion that she could be telling the truth.

Why?

The obvious answer would be that what she's told him does not line up with what he knows to be true of reality. The rational and logical part of his brain overrides his heart and his gut, ultimately recognizing this disparity and forcing him to reject Anya's claims.

However, they are at a young enough age that it wouldn't be uncommon to easily believe in "impossible" things like magic or superpowers. So, there's also a chance that it goes a bit deeper than this.

Perhaps this sudden display of sincerity and truth from Anya didn't line up with her typical behavior with him. He's not used to seeing that side of her, and as a result, his mind resorts to him thinking that she's lying to him. He thinks that she's just teasing him. Not only because that's what he expects from her, but also because the only other alternative would be for him to admit that they've just shared a true moment of openness and transparency between them.

Anya's whisper implies, "this is only for you to know." As a defense mechanism, Damian's brain decided that it was more likely that Anya was teasing him than it was that she was being vulnerable with him in that way.

Another detail from this moment stems from the fact that this reveal takes place while they are dancing together. Partner dancing is an activity that requires cooperation and teamwork. At first, we see Damian and Anya struggle with getting the hang of it, but eventually they start working together.

That, in itself, seems to be a fairly good representation of their relationship with each other. However, even more so, it follows the flow of their conversation in this moment. It isn't until they start cooperating that they start to open up to one another.

And the pinnacle of the conversation -- the reveal -- happens at the exact moment when Damian dips her. Not only does this make for a picturesque panel, but it is also a symbolic visual of what's happening.

Dipping your dance partner inherently requires a level of trust. The person being dipped has to literally put themselves in their partner's hands. Depending on the dip, they are giving up varying levels of control and safety over to their partner. They have to trust that their partner won't drop them, or bring them too close to the floor; they have to give up their balance and trust that their partner can hold the weight that they're giving up. And their partner takes on the responsibility and burden of that person's trust (as well as trusting that the person that they're dipping does not throw themselves around carelessly).

And here, in this scene, despite the bickering we see Anya and Damian do, we see that there is at least that small amount of trust between them. Anya trusts Damian to dip her, and Damian trusts Anya to be dipped.

But underneath the surface level, the fact that Anya whispers her secret to Damian while he's dipping her reinforces the idea that she trusts him with that knowledge. In that moment, she gave up some of her own control and safety, and placed it in Damian's hands. Only his. Her whisper implies, "this is only for you to know." And he's been given the responsibility and burden of deciding whether to hold it, or drop it.

[sentfromwolves]

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping? (for anyone!)

Thank you so much for the ask! I love this one so much, I think I'll do it for the HBABL crew.

also very much tw for: brief mentions of child abuse, sa, and ptsd/trauma symptoms, cannibalism, gore, violence

◢ QUESTIONS *

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping? (for anyone!)

❖ 》　NEMESIS ;midnight ➡

Nemesis is routinely in the nightmare zone for the first twenty years of his life. He's literally cursed to die on his 21st birthday and it does keep him up at night. There's a very real fear in him that everything he's trying in order to save his own life is in vain, and he often feels like he's unable to stop the passage of time toward his known death and he can't get off the train tracks in time to avoid collision. He also suffers insomnia because of this and the pervasive, awful pressure of feeling like he needs to use every waking moment he can to try and find a way to break his curse. Unfortunately this isn't the only thing that keeps Nemesis up at night. His nightmares are also very often infused with childhood traumas. His mother was abhorrently physically and emotionally abusive to him for several years before he ran away from home, and living on the run was also incredibly dangerous for a young adult on the streets. Nemesis is incredibly street savvy, but has also experienced assault and severe violence and it's really hard for him to ever find sleep without his need for constant vigilance stopping him from getting anywhere near eight hours of sleep at night.

❖ 》　JUDGE ;midnight ➡

Yeah, Judge also has trouble sleeping, but because he does it where no one can see, no one knows until he opens up about it. He's been cannibalized by his own kind, eaten and regurgitated, torn apart and put back together again, so many times that his body is just a massacre of scars and parts stitched back together somewhat wrong. This constant physical trauma has absolutely left mental scars, and Judge is incredibly hostile about his sleeping space. He's also a wounded, traumatized dog--the kind of stray that starts howling and snarling the moment you get close to the bars of his cage. He's also got additional uhhh memory issues where he does sometimes remember other emotionally abusive situations and startles himself awake, uncertain of who he is or what body he's in.

❖ 》　HALLIDAY ;midnight ➡

Halliday is probably the most well adjusted out of all of these guys and by that I mean he gets eight hours of sleep maybe three times a week, which probably says something big about this cast. He sleeps at night, routinely, and gets nightmares once in awhile, but he's a master at self-distancing from his trauma and also repressing his own experiences until they build and build and burst in the back of his mind and snap him into a place of insomniac anguish and despair. It's kind of like, he'll look away and look away and look away, but the moment he even catches a glimpse of the past in a mirror and gets sucked into that memory again, it haunts him through the night, or inflicts itself into his dreams. Most of Halliday's trauma is from atrocities he's committed and the blood on his hands as a result of his loyalty and faith to his order, which has led him to perform acts of violence in the name of God. A very specific event cracked the delusional mindset he shrouded himself in as a separator between him and his morality and ability to learn, grow, grieve, and change for the better. Now, that specific event, unfortunately, is also his haunting. It keeps him up at night. There's a girl and she's dead because of him, and she keeps him up at night. To a lesser extent, Halliday will also suffer rare nightmares about his mother's suicide, and the emotional trauma he sustained as the unwanted, yet priceless child of his family. He suffers a lot of anxiety over feeling like he should never have been born, that his life is a mistake, and he's good at looking away from it, but it catches up to him sometimes and puts him into a dark, dark space.

❖ 》　DESMOND ;midnight ➡

Desmond is such a fucking weirdo. He sleeps pretty regularly well enough, and not getting eight hours of sleep is more often due to him being a busybody than anything else. Like I've mentioned before, this guy has a really fucked up relationship with his brother. Dreams that dress themselves in the shape of his childhood home and his brother and the traumatic events that killed their parents will startle him awake at night. He'll become prone to anxiety attacks then, where he reverts to the injured parts of himself that are trying so desperately to find some sort of forgiveness for the blame of killing his parents and the blood on his hands. Nightmares where his brother leaves him permanently in ways he can't control (ie. murder) also trigger Desmond deeply, leaving him awake and restless and angry for the rest of the night. I could add more, but it's a bit plot spoiler heavy for him, so I'll bow out on this asshole here.

Come ask me questions about my OCS here!

[1alchemistart]

throwing these here before the new chapter comes out tomorrow ✌️

i actually added captions for when these were made this time, since the dates are more varied AKLJFDL (more recent art that’s whyyy)

[flydaze]

DONOVAN IS TRYING SO HARD TO INFECT THEM WITH THE UGLY AND ITS NOT WORKING😭‼️

[dxsole]

@notquiteahitman​ | Wanted to Meet Desmond!

“Actually jus’ call me Raff, please.” Desmond Raff gruffly muttered out— he looks like he’s angry but that, unfortunately, was just how he looked at any given time. Its part of his reputation at this point; he was a gruff, demanding coach but he’ll make a fighter out of you. 

“Ever been in t’e ring before?” He questions with a harsh sniff and an inquisitive look at the other, sizing them up. “We do beginners lessons...one of my boys will be your sparrin’ partner— you’ll be in full gear tho’ so he won’t break your head open.” 

Raff sniffs again before getting serious. “Now, I train fighters ‘ere...an’ I take t’at very seriously. I do not train people who are going to be lax about t’e regiment. I’m no’ sayin’ ye have to go pro; all t’at I ask is that you understand that t’is is no walk in t’e park. And I do not associate myself with quitters.”

[alekyareads]

this is sooo cute

in sxf lore there are wery few families who are rich and have stable families. and the ongoing theme of those who care abt children are the good guys, i think there will be a desmond company blackbell industries split as we know that they are business partners.

[ackergarden]

i need him to spend an afternoon with the forgers and yor talking to him now please please please 😭😭😭😭