#cees writing log

[ceethecreature]

writing log #3:

Proof of my greatness is that I am cursed to be stricken down by illness whenever inspiration sparks. The universe fears what beautifully traumatized characters I may create otherwise.

[bayleaf-2]

Drew some art of the progression of Lyra's feelings about Ioun

But it's like 11 PM and I should sleep so I'm gonna post the art and make barebones captions/context, go to bed, and might just remake the post if i wake up, look at it, and go "voci. voci...voci thats not enough buddy"

With that in mind!

This is when Ioun apologized to Lyra after they were resurrected (they died in the Zehir fight) and (in my mind) the start of Lyra having. A closer relationship with her, or seeing her as more than just. (Because we legally cannot call Ioun our boss) the person in charge, hense why it's labeled "beginning." Their thoughts in that moment are general feelings of appreciation, surprise, and relief. Debated putting warmth in there as well. Probably too soon. Maybe. Idk!

Transcript: Lyra's dialogue reads "Tough!" which is what they said to the goddess of prosperity trying to offer them deals. Description reads "Loyalty to Ioun after she apologized."

Ioun apologizing combined with Emily inviting Lyra to stay with her once all of this was over (AUUUUUUUGH) pulled Lyra out of their mortality crisis, hence the design change! They're wearing old (aka Elion's) earrings and actually put effort into styling their hair :)

Transcript of the bottom one: Nerd <3 "I love her" (Connotation: I just think Ioun's neat :) ) "I need to apologize to her if we fail"

Nerd refers to this being the time where Lyra starts researching and interacting with the library. "I just think she's neat" is a reference to that one Marge meme. Point being the "I love her" is a casual declaration with no deeper feelings attached. "I need to apologize to her if we fail" is referencing this:

Now a disclaimer on that: I wrote that months ago and while the og idea still holds in that I was planning on doing it, I would absolutely tweak the wording now. Also that's from my writing server so the wording is mostly for me. in terms of what "today" and "everyone else didnt follow orders" means I think that was the Tiamat fight? Timing indicates it's Tiamat. I do not know what "orders" past Voci is referencing. It might be the deals thing. ANYWAY!!

General summary for that point: Closer but still not quite friends. That being said Lyra's more cheery around Ioun and seeking out talking to her just cause.

Transcript: Lyra thinking to themself "God I love her she's so cool" Description reads "Whale convo, which is almost directly post Vecna" (So Lyra is thinking that as Ioun's talking to them) and then the bottom one starts with "After Ioun leaves and they're just thinking" Lyra's thought reads "...Oh." with the description "Means [I love her] in a different way than before"

Squish! :) Congrats lil guy! You love her and now you gotta hide your feelings so you don't pressure her because that'd be really fucked up of you! Yeah that includes your thoughts! Good luck suppressing those! (HE FAILS. HE SLIPS UP SO MUCH I'M DYING TO TAKE PROPER NOTES ABOUT THAT SHIT YOU HAVE NO IDEA)

"Voci why is the 4th heart in the scale grey instead of black in the top one" Uhhh I'm not sure. I think it has to do with Lyra not really knowing what their feelings are?? Like it's vague and then once they're actually reflecting on it, they realize it's something more than just thinking Ioun's neat. Btw it's not clear in this shitty photo but Lyra is blushing.

Transcript: Ioun saying "I do care, by the way." Lyra verbally keysmashing in response, which is cut off by the tiny tiny page. Description reads "right after the trial".

We had a trial where Emily was trying to make a case about the wording of the curse so we wouldn't have to kill her and only temporarily banish her (and Ioun. And possibly the Raven Queen. And anyone else who ascended) outside of reality. It was a really formal court though so everyone was in like. Proper boring formal wear and Lyra went the safe route of going in a suit yes I know that collar looks scribbly I was drawing in front of a campfire okay

I??? This is hard to describe, but by this point, Lyra's feelings are deeper, like they weren't...flustered by Ioun before, at least not to the same extent, and now they are, if that makes sense. I hesitate to say their feelings got? Deeper or more intense, because the timing makes this extremely fucky. And also feels like I'm in the danger zone in terms of possibly using aphobic wording. So I'm just gonna hold off for now.

And there's another art I drew of. The dream conversation where Ioun and Lyra ended up holding hands for an enTIRE FUCKING HOUR but it wasn't finished and I think? That moment kind of speaks for itself? So I'll just. Leave that there and sleep now gn <3

Again apologies if huge chunks of this don't make sense this is one of those moments where the hyperfixation is just Taking the God Damn Reins and I Have To Show People This

[corellianhounds]

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

Ugh okay yes I have like a bunch of these, but I did settle on one that I just don’t know when I’d be able to figure it out. There’s too much setup involved to make it what I want. The context is that it’s a Prospect/Mandalorian crossover, the events of Prospect happening differently where Damon lives, but Cee still ends up escaping with Ezra.

Damon hires Mando to find Cee and their harvest after she disappears with Ezra, and once Mando finally tracks them down he’s shocked to see someone with his face walking around in the open. The whole time the plot’s happening he’s suspicious and unnerved by this stranger sharing his voice and face, and though his research into the backlog of Guild cases doesn’t reveal any details of this guy’s origin or personal life, it does give him plenty of information regarding Ezra’s colorful criminal history

However, Damon’s history isn’t much better, and Mando suspects he’s just better at hiding some of the more unsavory things he’s done. He also finds that Cee, according to his research, has been logged as Damon’s harvesting partner for almost ten years despite the fact this girl is clearly only about fifteen years old, and the kind of harvesting Damon’s done in the outer reach is a two-man job; you can’t afford dead weight, even if it’s to keep your kid with you. Does Damon want his daughter back, or does he want his assistant back?

Mando’s having to deliberate over who between Damon and Ezra is a bigger threat to this girl’s safety. Did Cee really choose Ezra because she trusts him and Ezra is trustworthy, or because she's being forced to choose the lesser of two evils?

—

Mando kept his pistol on Damon, but then he unhooked his rifle from his back, cocked it one handed and aimed it at Ezra—

— Only for Cee to step in front of him.

There was a scuffle of protests— Ezra tried to wrest her behind him but she shoved him back. Mando primed the charge on the rifle and Ezra raised both arms, hissing at Cee— Damon made as if to move for the girl, Mando grunted and stepped closer to Damon. Damon halted his approach, and Ezra and Cee argued while Cee blocked Mando's aim.

"Don't," Cee growled. "We trusted you."

"Listen, kid," Mando said levelly. "I don't know which between the two of them is worse, and I don't like the idea of you having to choose the better of two bad options."

"He's— He didn't coerce me," Cee protested.

"Didn't he?" Damon snarled.

"Shut up." Mando continued to watch the girl. "I don't know that, Cee. And I don't know if you're only saying that because you feel like it’s the only way to get away from your father."

Damon seethed. Ezra's wide eyes were stricken, watching the Mandalorian as Cee's shoulders tensed further. Either he was as good of an actor as Mando thought, or he truly did care for the girl. If it weren't for Cee's stubbornness shoving him back, Mando might have believed he'd step in front of her.

"Cee, I'm telling you to make the decision you want and know that if the answer is neither, you can walk away and get on that freighter of your own accord and go wherever you want. There's a bag of credits on my belt. I have a vested interest in bringing both of them into the Guild, and I won't move until you're safe. I can stand here a long time."

The silence between them hung like a ship in stasis as Cee glared. There was only a moment when Cee's gaze flicked to Damon, some silent conversation happening between them, and then she hooked one hand into the shoulder belt of Ezra's flight suit, pulling him just to the side, still behind her. "He's coming with me.”

Damon swore in a litany of languages as Mando nodded. "Okay."

"And we're going with you."

Meta Ask Game

[littlestsnicket]

title: the one about the raven (or ever-lasting love) by cee

word count: 4.3k

yenralt; ciri&geralt&yennefer; post-canon

i very suddenly realized i had recced no yenralt fic, and i really had to fix that.

while this is vaguely post-game-canon, i adore the book inspired characterizations. it’s so easy to see book!ciri in this older ciri’s humor and determination. and geralt and yennefer! the way cee writes the depth of their intimacy without shying away from the way both of them are deeply guarded people who have to do a lot of work to be open is absolutely brilliant and something i’m always looking for in this pairing.

excerpt:

“Well, let this be a lesson to you.” Ciri jabs a finger at them with nose lifted arrogantly. “The student has become the teacher, you should seek my help next time. I solved it all on my own with barely two threads to follow.”

“You know what they say about the one who makes the biggest claim,” Geralt retorts, but he’s more distracted by the exhausted enchantress resting heavily against him. Besides, he is proud of Ciri - even if it’s at his expense.

“Save you sage advice for another night,” Ciri says with a haughty wave of her hand.

The flush crawling across Ciri’s cheeks and the bridge of her nose is plain to see as another log is added to the hearth with a bloom of sharpened firelight. Apparently, Yen isn’t the only one feeling the strong Dwarven spirits. 

“Go off to bed while I rouse up a game of cards.” The young witcher peers around the room predatorily. “I see some rare cards ripe for the plucking.”

Yennefer makes a disapproving sound, reassuring them both that she isn’t completely out of sorts.

“Try to behave like the lady you are.”

The back of Ciri’s hand wipes at her nose once more, brazen disrespect emboldened by the high-altitude buzz. She’ll pay for it, no doubt, but in the way of a massive hangover in the morning Yennefer will drag her feet to ease.

[insomniamamma]

Glory: Ezra x F!reader

A/N: written as part of the Year Of Kisses. I never promised I was going to write these in order. This fulfills the prompt "Kiss on a scar." This is part of the Prickle'verse AU, and as with everything in this AU this can stand alone. This is an exploration of intimacy. Tagging @oonajaeadira and @yearofcreation2023

Warnings: references to sex and bodily fluids. kissing. intimacy. Smut, I guess? References to PIV sex. Lots of kissing and touching. This jumps around in time a bit.

Ezra likes to tease. Cold nose and warm breath against your ear as you dicker with the vendor, three newish music cylinders from your last trip off world against whole bean coffee dark roasted and oily, rasp and tickle of stubble and breath, tender threats of what he'll do to you once the two of you are home safe and out of this miserable, unceasing rain.

"Jackass," you chide, kicking out of your muddy boots, rain gear hung to dry by the stove, "I could've gotten another half-measure out of him if you hadn't distracted me."

"Seeing you fluster is worth a half-measure," says Ezra, "It's cute."

"Cute," you echo. A word no-one but Ezra has ever pinned on you. "Hmmm."

"You'll see how cute I am drinking the real stuff when you're back to sucking down instant," you say, bending to load logs into the stove, a cut down and repurposed LOX back up tank, you get four lengths in before he curls his arm around you and hauls you tight against him. You feel him hard, pressed against you.

"I've missed you, Prickle,"

"We've been together all morning."

"Even so."

He always has words, even when you are shy under his eyes, even after all this time. You shrink in on yourself and he stops you. Don't hide from me, pretty girl. Ez, I'm not-- You are. Prettiest thing Ive ever seen. Softest skin I've ever had the good fortune to touch, he says, tracing his fingers along the curve of your belly, the swell of your hip, the dimpled skin of your thigh-- You're mine, he nuzzles into the tender space beneath your ear that makes you squirm and prickle. Ez Mine, he says, he nips at the corded tendon at your neck, and you shiver, just like the first time you ever felt the nip of his teeth and the pass of his tongue. Yours, you breathe, always.

In the early days of you and him, you weren't sure how to touch him, where you could lay your hands. You'd fucked, you'd kissed, you'd clung to each other like you were ready to drown, but he was still a mystery. A three day stay over on Jocasta, a grotty bench if there ever was one, Cee with her own berth and smugly happy about it, and that meant the two of you alone, tiny room with grimy walls, barely enough space to stand, you and him wrapped around in bed sheets, fucked out and sated, his spend dribbling out of you, your hands skimming over him, fingers tracing the line of his jaw, the strong curve of his nose, the flyaway hairs at the nape of his neck. You need a haircut, Ez, the span of his shoulders under your palms and here you hesitate. Can I-- His lips quirk up, but his eyes are so sad. You could never hurt me. Smooth your hands over the plane of his shoulder and down to where his right arm ends, livid scars and puffy skin from the revision, you draw your fingers along the tight, angry indentations and Ezra stays stone-still, and when you look at him there is something unreadable in his eyes, a darkness that gives nothing, cup your hand around the end of his stump, careful not to put any pressure on him. Does it hurt? Ezra laughs, but it's a bitter sound, No. It's not pain, precisely. I feel your hand, but I also feel mine. The one that isn't there any more. It's a curious sensation. You start to draw away and he stops you, his good hand curled around your nape, lips tickling soft against your neck. I'm yours, he murmurs against your pulse, you can't hurt me. I'm yours to explore. Mine. Yours.

"I'm cold." "I'll warm you up right quick." Ezra ushers you to the bedroom, you kick the door closed and he's on you, lips and tongue and teeth, desperation in his kiss, his hand gripping your hip, pressing you against him. He gets like this sometimes. "Took your sweet time closing that deal at the market," he breathes and then nips at your earlobe, teeth and tongue and heat of his breath on your spit-slicked skin, "If I didn't know better I'd say you were dallying on purpose.--"

His teeth graze against your collarbone and you thread your fingers through his unruly curls and tug just a little, just the way he likes it, and he nuzzles at you through your shirt. "I'm not a sweet-talker like you," you say. He slides his hand beneath your shirt and you arch into his touch, presses his palm warm over your sternum before cupping your breast, stroking his thumb over your nipple till it aches hard, "You'll sound awfully sweet in a minute when you're crying my name." "Menace!" You swat at him and he smiles up at you, his lips smirk, but his eyes are warm. Ez likes to tease. "Yes. But I'm your menace." "Mmmh. Lucky Me."

Scars on either side of his rib cage where they planted chest tubes in him on the freighter. Indentation in the crook of his elbow where they'd inserted a large-bore IV line. Tight, thick line against the soft swell of his belly where Inumon tried to gut him, faint rectangular discolorations where they'd harvested skin grafts to pad his stump.

Ezra stays still and lets you touch him, lets you map him, memorize him, make him your own. He is warm beneath your questing hands. It becomes too much for him and he hooks his hand around the nape of your neck and presses his mouth to yours, slides his tongue between your parted lips to touch yours, gentle and wanting and you whimper into his mouth, this softness between you is new and raw and open, and he draws back to look at you, to search your face with those dark eyes.

How about this one? You run the pad of your thumb over the silvered scar beneath his eye, a jagged fingernail moon. Me and my brother were playing chase, says Ezra, I tripped up and fell on a sharp bit of rock. He ran like a rabbit once he saw all the blood. I used to think it made me ugly. Seems a bit silly now, huh? You lean into him, sharing his breath, his warmth, his palm spread wide between your shoulder blades, press your lips to that little half-moon. You're not ugly, Ezra, I'll fight anyone who says different.

"I can't see you this way," Ezra pouts, but his eyes smile. You pull the blankets over the both of you. "Tough titty said the kitty," you say, "If it was warmer in here I might make different choices." "Damn it, Prickle, I told you those radiator coils are on back order." "Promises promises. You gonna warm me up or what?" "Mmmm… Ask and ye shall receive."

[use-your-telescope]

Let's spread some positivity! Tag some of your fellow content creators here and let them know why they are absolutely amazing!❤️

OOOOOOOPS I think I have had this sitting in my asks for a while and completely space cadet-ed on it...

@infinitystoner my first tumblr friend!! You are so freaking talented at every genre and trope you tackle in fics - I am so grateful you thought to message me via the hellsite those many months ago!! Your smut? Immaculate. Your angst? Hurts so good. Your character chemistry? Simply divine! The way you create atmosphere and use language to create such nuance is truly a masterclass.

@loki-cees-all CEEEEEEE you are my beloved angsty queen. The way you are able to get inside Loki's mind and really dive into the little details that bring the hurt is so fucking delightful. I know I owe you at least a few raving reblogs of your most recent fic, so stay tuned!

@the-lady-amphitrite my fellow lore and world building lover!! Any time I get to see behind the curtain in your work is such a blast, and you also crack me up on the regs. Plus video game nerding is alway a delight!

@sarahscribbles Smut goddess! Whether looking for soft or kink, Saz has got you covered. Saz also does such a beautiful job of highlighting relationships in her smut and really giving them depth. She also has some absolutely delightful fluff to investigate, if you're looking for pure warm and fuzzies.

@cleo-fox I am still working my way through your catalog (god damn I am so behind), but YO everything I've read is a straight BANGER (literally and metaphorically). You balance environment, chemistry, and pacing so perfectly in every story I've read, and you've turned some of the more mundane moments into straight up steam sessions.

@maple-seed THROWN. HOLY THROWN. If you, random hellsite user, are reading this and have not read Thrown, *DROP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND GO READ THROWN!!* It is the *perfect* comfort fic - friends to lovers, slow burn, so soft I want to scream. I'm not on the tag list because I get the A03 emails, and let me just say the *moment* I see that notification in my inbox I drop what I'm doing and go read the update (even if I'm in the middle of a meeting, haha!). I'm behind like, four chapters on reblogs because I have so many thoughts (most of which are OH MY GOD MY HEART IS GOING TO EXPLODE FROM THE SOFT!!). Also, Maple's portrayals of Thor and Valkyrie are delightful!!

@tripleyeeett You are SO FREAKING AMAZING AT WRITING ASTARION and so funny and down to earth and I love your no-bullshit attitude and nerding about BG3 and all sorts of stuff.

Also, I know that they haven't been posting stories for a while, but I do also want to shout out @asteralpine (kaeorin on AO3) - their Loki's Lullabies series was my first introduction to Loki fics (back in 2021); part of why I made a new tumblr account was to be able to share their stories, but more importantly I don't think I would have even started WEMTBB if I hadn't discovered the Lullabies! I have slowly been working on a mega post of all my favorite stories from the series and why I love them so much, but I'm starting to think it's going to be a multi-part post because with over 250 entries in the series, there are too many to fit in one post. These days, the lullabies can only be found on AO3 and you need to be logged in to read them, but I highly, highly recommend them. Oh, and also, there are other non-lullaby stories, and they also are all A+.

[chai-berries]

oh my god?????? 🤡 tiktok has made people’s attention span so short that they can’t even read a fic over 500 words…… guys, i’m so scared! get me outta here!

also i’m sorryyyy but when did doing “too much” ever been bad for writing??!???

writing has never been a quick/fast hobby unless you’re stephen king and even he was on heavy drugs in order to make him write faster! that quick turn around is just unrealistic in every way

and it blows my mind that now i’m only seeing short blurbs over anything else and long form (literally anything over 1k) is getting overlooked for 100 worded paragraphs! i beg everyone to please go read a long-ass novel or just log off/stop reading fanfic for a bit because y’all doing this to writers is just going to make people delete their archives and leave tumblr which i know that’s not what you want since you say you love their blurbs so much 🙂

cee, i know we haven’t ever talked but i love your fics and the worlds you build (my ovaries specifically appreciate the alexis y kids fics) and i would read a lord of the rings sized fic of yours ANY! DAY! and i have skipped classes to read fics in college, so you know i’m serious. please ignore the anon and continue delivering us woso masterpieces <3

anon, please go touch grass. and fuck off !

can you try more shorter fluffy pieces bcuz like you do wayyyyy too much with most your fics and try too hard and i think your writing would be better that way

i am honestly just... speechless. and lost on what to do w this🙂

[violencehq]

Hello lovely members!

First of all, again we sound like a broken record, but we love you guys! Secondly anonymous hate continues to fill our inbox and frankly, I’m tired. We shouldn’t have to post something like this, and I thought that rp groups in the wrestling rpc could co-exist but I guess I was wrong. If you’re sending anon hate to other groups, I ask that you please stop. Let it go, we’ll be the bigger person here. If you’re being followed/harassed by blogs not involved with this group, please block them if needed. Don’t give into negativity because that’s exactly what negative people want. If you want to feel better about it, please turn off your anon option in your ask box for a bit.

Next, I want to say that nobody in this group has ever been released to give roles to the admins or our “kliq” as our inbox says. Many of the roles either dropped per mun’s request or failed to follow our activity rule, and the roles were applied for and taken just like any other. Or they were roles taken by our lovely rolehogger who’s been here for many, many years whose applications I can pinpoint anywhere. So no, there wasn’t a role released because someone else wanted it. I myself, wouldn’t allow it.

I have been roleplaying here for 10 years, first starting back in 2012. I have admined 3 groups total in those 10 years including this one. As an admin, it’s my responsibility to make sure everyone here is safe, comfortable, and able to play who they want regardless of how many other groups they play the same character in or anything of the sort. One thing I myself do not condone is bullying of any form, whether it’s from another admin or member. Most of us are 25+ and if you’re still bullying people to make them feel bad or to give yourself some weird sense of power, well that’s sad. It doesn’t make you cool and the fact that you can go back and laugh with your friends about such behavior really defines your character.

Once again, I ask that we all come together and ignore the nonsense because this group is one of the best ones I’ve been involved in. You can call it an “allelite 2.0” all you want, but we care about our members and want them all to feel that sense of being able to log into here and write. With that being said, my main muse is Roman Reigns. Feel free to dm me if you wanna chat about an issue, but I will not answer and feed into your anon hate. Thank you, back to your normal roleplaying schedules!

- Admin Cee.

[fiveup]

dear god why am i here

hi i’m c. 

Five, Cee or just C is fine. PROFILE PICTURE: @lesbian-gnf i am here for the radish man yes but ALSO a Certain Furry who not only stole 5up’s heart he thieved mine as well. anyways.

i also have another blog mostly for dsmp stuff. find that and get a prize ig.

this is mostly to post my own works for this fandom and affiliated fandoms, but i’ll keep sbi stuff to my other blog... mostly. no promises. contributor to @mcytmiraculousau , go check it out!

TAGS: #five logs (reblogs) #five rants (ranting posts) #five says (my posts etc) #five spoilers (posts with spoilers) #five writes (my writing) #five draws (my very rare art) #fives music (my chorus struggles or fun music discoveries) #five liveblogs (my liveblogs) #fives faves (saved art, posts, etc.)

anyways, have a good day!

ps: if I’ve softblocked you (or just blocked you, though idk how you’d see this post), it’s probably not that personal. i block pretty rampantly!

[jungshookz]

cee r u ok?... ur so quiet today...

i’m playing animal crossing :D and writing a little :D but mostly animal crossing :D

also i’m genuinely worried that one day if i decide to log off for a couple of days u guys are going to think i’m deaD 

[ceethecreature]

Writing log #2

So I know I said I was done with outlining, but l just had to make some final touches and then it will be for real done.

- me for the past 5 hours

[darkestangel1326]

Prologue - This was real life. Right?

Hey lovelies. So I know it is likely no one is going to read this but me but I just had to write this anyway. For me. Posting for the same reason! Fic under the “Keep reading” cut, but here’s how I got here: 

This all started when I wondered what would happen if MC was a scientist. Or a science grad student. But then I thought, what would be enough to compel a scientist or science grad student to stop their sciencing realistically for any amount of time? Because as my previous PI says, every scientist becomes a mad scientist at least in one point in their careers for their research - this is especially true for grad students. 

Then, I just never understood the whole returning a phone excuse Unknown gave MC to lure her into Rika’s apartment. Like MC, with her own phone, is gonna return a phone she doesn’t even have, just because Unknown was persistent? He even says he’s a student in the States who will eventually return home so what was with the urgency to go to find the owner? If he really wanted to return the phone, he could’ve mailed it since he has the address right? We know he does because he sends MC there. It just always bothered me.

Finally, I wanted to slightly self-insert to make the MC (Emme C.) a bit more human so that it even if you couldn’t change her choices, it would still be entertaining. I heavily relied on second person, to help give it the mystic messenger vibe though I’m not sure it works.

This prologue is some character building for Emme C. (Actual name: Emme Cee), brief OC appearances and, for my sanity, this is all taking place in the US. TBH I’m not even sure how deep I want to go with this story. I just know I needed to write it. 

 So without further ado!

“My biggest fear and why? Hmmm,” you mulled it over and took another sip of your beer, after your lab mates glared at you for an answer. 

Or former labmates - you were leaving for grad school in a few weeks so this was kind of your farewell social. Even with your general distaste of beer, even you had to admit this one was really good. 

You closed your eyes and sheepishly rubbed your neck. “This is gonna sound weird but a time loop,” you answered hesitantly.  “It just makes me uneasy to be stuck in never-ending cycle, replaying the same scenario over and over again with no end in sight.”

“True but we are in academic research!” Marie answered, a teasing lilt to her voice that transformed into a chuckle. 

“Yeah you might have to deal with it during your Masters program, especially the thesis stage.” Whitney continued, joining in with a laugh.

“Don’t remind me,” you giggled as you took another sip - a longer sip - of your beer. “But that’s not exactly what I mean either” you persisted, a bit more seriously. 

I’m afraid of replaying the same day, the same events, the same interactions over and over again, not knowing why or how to stop it,” you finished more seriously. You took another sip of the fizzy drink and felt your equilibrium teeter a bit. 

“You mean like that movie Groundhog Day?” Aurora quietly inserted.

“I haven’t seen that movie but if it’s like what I said, then yes, that’s it,” you answered, your fizzy drink now gone. 

“Sorry wait. Why are you afraid of time loops? I think I missed that part. Wouldn’t replaying the same day and seeing how your choices change events be a good thing?” Sally asked. Technically, she was completely right - repeatability was one of the sacred ideals of science after all. Plus, If you really thought about it, you hadn’t actually said why you’re afraid of time loops, just that you are.

“I’m afraid of never moving forward - of never progressing, no matter how hard I try or work. A time loop means, yes, I’ll know what my choices would entail, but not how to escape or what the triggering event for my release could be. I could replay the time period of the same few weeks but for years without knowing how to escape and move on. And, I guess, since it took me so long to even start my Master’s and I felt like I might never be able to, this fear was just born,” you admitted, pouring more beer for yourself. 

I mean an actual time loop where every single thing happens the exact same way, down to the underlying rhythm of conversation. And where you can’t escape until you figure out the common problem then fix it. How would you escape it? And what if you mess up, in different ways, forever? Who would want that?!

—————————————————————————

You awoke with a sigh, realizing you had that dream again. Or was it a flashback since this happened a few weeks ago? You shrugged your shoulders and got to work sorting boxes. You were set to start on-campus work in a few weeks so you were just trying to do the bare minimum research wise. Plus, you wanted to really focus on decorating your new apartment and get acquainted with the town since you’d be living there for the next few years. 

After a few hours of scrambling and organizing, you sat on the floor (you were still in the process of buying furniture), and looked at your emails. 

One in particular caught your attention, so much so that you took off your glasses and rubbed your eyes, almost laughing at such a cartoony response. The subject line of this email was what confused you. It read “missing research paper - need citation”. It was an unfamiliar email, moreover, it was sent to your previous college email, which was linked to your past research publications.

Curious, you bit the inside of your cheek and read the email. 

“Dear Emme, 

Hope this email finds you well. I am a student from XXX University and have been working on a research project concerning XXX. Your research was one of the most recent and prominent examples as to why this area needs further study, however, I have not been able to access the paper I saved as a bookmark in my web browser. After extensive searching, I have been unable to find the original paper or even one of the articles that referenced it - almost as if the article has completely disappeared from existence! Is there a reason the research article is gone? If not, could you provide me with an idea of where it is and the proper citation for my research article?”

what. whAT. WHAT!?

Your research couldn’t be gone! This didn’t make any sense! Yes it was a few years old, but it couldn’t be gone from the web! There are research papers from the 1960s that are archived and accessible online for goodness sake!

You had to calm down. Take deep breaths. You continued trying to breathe as you pulled out your research flash drive. You looked for the paper on your there and found it, sighing in relief. It grounded you, reminding you that your work did exist. Just as you were set to attach the file and corresponding citation to the email, your internet stopped. 

Scratch that, your entire laptop stopped. 

You groaned. Yes, this was an older, refurbished model, but it’s been working fine. The screen distorted for a second, as if the extra pixel boxes emphasized the frozen nature of your screen. Before you even had time to process it, your laptop unfroze and you breathed a sigh of relief. 

Thank heavens. You had just moved and weren’t sure you could realistically afford a new laptop anytime soon. As you look over your screen, however, your relief shifts to panic. 

omg. oMG. OMG!

It’s gone. Your research files. The ones on your laptop and on your flash drive. The email is gone. Before you can refresh the page you get logged out. You can’t even log into your old email account - Error 404 Not Found. 

Your heart races. Then, it aches. You worked so hard on those projects. They were part of your scientific fabric and now both were just gone. Your years of work, gone in seconds. 

You felt like crying. But you decide not to, at least not until you’re in the shower where the tears can blend in with the cascading liquid as you sing emo music. 

For now, you decide a quick walk and some fresh air are what you need, so you grab your keys and head for the mailbox. You’ve only lived in this apartment for a week but you check the mail constantly in an effort to get in the habit rather than because you expect something. 

But today, you did get something. A small parcel with no return address. Curious, you take that and the grocery flyers to your apartment and open the package there. 

A phone? It’s from the same company as yours, just a slightly older model.

You blink at it, almost telepathically asking it what it’s doing in your mailbox. You decide to turn it in to the mail service and are about to put it back in its envelope when you notice a note. 

“Charge me” 

“What the hell is going on today?” You mutter as you pull out your charger and plug it into the phone.

You sit on the floor with this new phone in hand and sigh. “Why am I even taking orders from a mysterious note for anyway?”

Just then the screen lights up. There’s no passcode so opening the phone was super easy. The phone’s screen and minimal app selection almost made you think it was new, but the lack of setting it up told you that wasn’t the case. Who would buy this phone and not use it? And why did they send it to you? 

There is one app that calls to you, mostly because you’ve never seen it before. And because it was unlike the rest of the default apps on the screen.

RFA? What’s that?

Just then, the screen turns dark and green characters zoom up through the screen. You sucked with all tech but even you knew this reaction was abnormal. You swore you didn’t press the app but seeing the phone continue reacting, you become less confident. 

“Hello?” 

You stare at the screen. ‘Unknown’ was messaging you. 

You respond. Stupidly. Naively. And without thinking about the consequences. 

Because this was real life. Right?

What’s the worse that could happen?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m debating taking this next part a few routes...we’ll see what I decide...

If you, by any chance made it all the way down here, can you drop a reblog or something with your thoughts? Was Emme Cee likable? Did the flow make sense? Do you like where this is going? Let me know! 

[flashbang-up]

--;; hiatus

quick quick explanation and then more under the cut if you’re interested in knowing!!

the tl;dr is that i’ve been writing a fic and it’s been taking a lot of my writing inspiration. add that being a senior in the months before graduation (anxiety and exhaustion galore), and taking a trip that’ll remove me from the internet for ~4 days leads me to not being on !! so basically

ill be gone from today (April 30th) until Monday May 8th!

ill reblog this every two days until then in a queue so yall can be informed properly ; w ; thanks for the understanding!! if i’ve owed you a thread and you’d like to drop it i entirely understand. it'll be a week or so?? and i’ve already been gone for a bit (rip,,, orz)

sending yall lots of love<33

the longer version because aaaa i need a good ramble

basically i have ?? a lot of factors here and they're Piling Up Quick

I'm in the last stretch of my high school career so college application (I've been accepted to my choice school thankfully but the whole paying for it and keeping up grades until i actually graduate are putting on the Stress) process is just.........sigh

my anxiety leads to insomnia and insomnia leads to exhaustion that never really leaves me?? so i fall asleep really easily and sometimes just dont have the motivation to log on even

i also really only have the free time to be on tumblr kinda late at night?? about 10:30pm-2:00am for me so,, i fall asleep sometimes and other nights ill be up til 3am. its weird

I'm writing a fic and I'm really excited about it!!! but a lot of my creative juices are kinda,,,, exhausted by it and so when i do have the ability to get on this blog I'm just. stumped ;;;

im also going on a trip (visiting new york city, baltimore, and washington dc as apart of a senior class trip) on thursday and wont be back until sunday

all in all i love you all and I'm very very sorry !! especially if we’ve planned out threads and have talked or just, have interacted a lot before?? 

aaa i feel bad for abandoning yall (or at least thats what it feels like) but

because I'm gonna be gone a lot ?? this week and next weekend i thought yall should know!! 

<3 hope yall have a wonderful week !! 

- cee 

[ceethecreature]

Writing log #1:

Okay, I’ve got an extensive outline for a book and just have to start writing now.

When I started writing I was always told to be super concise with my writing, but I think I took that advice too seriously because looking back at old work it’s all rushed and flat. The characters, world, and plot have no space to develop. To combat this, I have included downtime chapters in my outline and given myself a minimum chapter length of 4k words.

I’m a little scared I’ll run out of things to say.

Wish me luck!

[ceethecreature]

I love being a writer and artist. Every time I sit down to write I end up with 20 sketches of my MC. Every time I try to draw I am stricken with the need to write 10k words of backstory for a new OC.

(this is writing log #5)

[ceethecreature]

Writing log #4

I love writing I can make the characters do whatever I want

in theory

in practice it feels more like i make them do whatever they want