#cave complains about writing and also about everything

[sentientcave]

Me, feeling like I haven't been writing enough lately, looking at my stats and realizing I've been keeping up an average of 1400 words a day (but also what the hell happened in March???)

[sankttealeaf]

Can I request Tav and astarion but they get trapped together and astarion has to feed but feels like Tav offering isn’t really giving consent since they are trapped and he thinks they feel obligated. Bonus points if they’re also bickering and pining for other

this was so much fun to write! i may have gotten a little carried away but i hope you enjoy!! requests are still open if anyone is interested<3 i'm really enjoying writing these and am open for more ideas!!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

trapped

pairing ; astarion x gender neutral!reader

summary ; a wild treasure hunt leads to an unfortunate situation where you find yourself stuck in a cave-in with Astarion. / ao3

other info ; wyll, karlach and gale get special roles in this because i physically cannot stop myself from including other companions in the background. no real spoilers for the game so you're free to read wherever you are in the game!!

warnings ; vampire feeding, blood mention, vague mention of Astarion's past, general conversation surrounding consent (but everything is consensual because that's hot)

word count ; 5.9k (again. went a little wild)

You have no idea how long you have been walking for. It feels like days though you are certain it was only a few hours. The lack of sunlight is starting to get to you and the cramped cave system you are walking through is really not where you wanted to be today.

Was it a little ridiculous to be chasing a lead you found on a note on a dead traveller? Probably. Did you have to convince everyone that it wouldn't be a waste of their time? Yes. But here you are, travelling in the dark to hunt down buried treasure.

Karlach was more than happy to join you, in fact she was the first one who volunteered to be part of the “treasure hunting team”, as she called it. She managed to get Wyll involved and you were happy with this group. As you were getting ready to leave you had a last minute addition to the team - Astarion. Why he wanted to join you trekking through a damp cave, you had no idea. You weren’t going to ask, either.

So, here you are in the depths of a cave system, following a badly drawn map that should lead you all to hidden treasure. It took you way too long to get to this location and the day is already drawing to a close. You are certain you weren’t going to make it back to camp before nightfall. This treasure has to be worth it.

Through flooded areas and tight walkways, the deeper you get into the cave the quicker your hopes that this treasure would be easy to find crumbles. On the map it looks simple, yet the actual cave was difficult to navigate and you are not as prepared as you thought you would be. Perhaps you should have taken the spare rope from Halsin before you left camp. Karlach spends the time picking up interesting rocks she comes across, rushing over to show you with a grin on her face and a list of places to put it back at camp. You have a few rocks she gave to you in your pocket and you are glad that her optimism never falters the longer you travel. Wyll has marked arrows on the walls to keep track of where you have been, which is an idea that didn't even cross your mind until you noticed him doing it. And Astarion is… complaining.

Maybe complaining is the wrong word. It's more like he has been announcing loudly how he thought this would be an easy task to complete. He didn't sign up to be wading through knee deep cave water or scrambling over rocks to get to the next area. Neither did you, but you aren’t complaining about it.

You have managed to drown out his comments for the most part, keeping your focus on following the map and making sure not to get lost. There have been a few times where you almost walked on some loose stone and went plummeting down into the depths of the cave and you really didn't fancy getting stuck down here. You have also noticed the further you went into the cave the more dust and debris that fell from the ceiling. A sinking feeling begins to settle in your stomach and you approach each step with caution.

“Personally I think this map is leading us to a dead end,” Astarion says as he slinks up next to you, ignoring how lost in focus you were. “We should cut our losses and return back to camp before nightfall, don’t you agree?”

The dust from the ceiling drops in front of you again as you pause, reaching an arm out to stop Astarion in his tracks. “Be quiet, would you?”

“Everything alright?” Wyll asks from behind, hand reaching for his rapier in case something jumps out to attack.

Either something was down here with you or the cave ceiling isn’t as strong as you would like. You didn't know which thought was worse. Turning back to Wyll and Karlach, you shake your head slightly. “Be on your guard. Something’s off.”

“This is what I’ve been saying for the past five minutes. Have you seriously not been listening to me?” Astarion asks as you continue walking at a slower pace now, acutely aware of every foreign noise that doesn’t come from your group.

“Not really. I’m trying to keep us alive here,” you reply quietly, eyes darting from the floor to your surroundings in quick succession.

You stop in your steps as you hear the rumbling grow louder, though Astarion keeps talking even after you shush him again. It’s a rolling noise, one that grows the more you focus on it; a sound of rock against rock and a low rumble from above. You cast your gaze upwards and spot the beginnings of a large crack splitting the ceiling. Like pressure on ice, it splits into several off shoots before crumbling beneath whatever weight was on it.

You quickly pull Astarion towards you, dragging him away from the collapsing ceiling as you both fall to the floor with a thud. In an instant, your surroundings grow darker as a wall of stone and rubble barricades you and Astarion from Wyll and Karlach. The dust settles from the sudden upheaval of rock and the noise you have been hearing stops. Shit.

“Are you both alright?” Wyll calls out from behind the rubble and you can hear the sound of stone grating against stone which only cements your idea that this could be an early grave for you both if you didn't think fast.

You glance over at Astarion who is dusting himself off, rubbing at his elbow in a way that makes you assume he landed on it wrong. “We’re alive… just.”

“Does the map show any other ways to get to you? I’m not certain we can budge all this stone…” Wyll asks as you hear the sound of metal against the stone and a disappointed sigh from Karlach. You sit upright, grabbing the map from where it fell onto the ground and frown. It was a one way system, looping back around the way you came once you got to where the treasure was. This pathway is the only way in and out of the cave. You are stuck.

“So, uh… bad news… There’s no other way around,” you reply. The silence that follows on their end is not a good sign, however it is quickly broken by Astarion.

“What?!” He looks at you in dismay, his face falling at the thought of being stuck here. “You cannot be serious.”

“We’ll find a way to get you guys out! Don’t even stress!” Karlach yells. Her voice gets quiet but you can still hear her. “Do you think they’re stressed, Wyll?”

You take a moment to assess the cave-in, trying to budge a few rocks out of place but nothing moves. Perhaps with enough force they could be displaced, but you don’t have anything on that level right now.

“Wyll? Do you have anything that could push the rocks away?” you ask, hoping he has something in or on him that could force the rocks out of place.

“I don’t…” he pauses for a moment, before you hear him click his fingers together as an idea forms. “But Gale does. I know the spell you are hinting at. We can go back and get him?” he suggests, and you run the time it would take for them to get back to camp and back here again in your head. They would be back by early morning at the earliest… Which means you will need to spend the night in a cold, slightly damp cave. You give Astarion a look.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m not going to dig our way out. My hands are way too delicate for that,” he says, turning his back to the problem at hand.

“Gale seems to be our only way out, which means we may need to spend the night here…” you tell him.

“Gale? Our only hope? What is he going to do, talk the rocks to death?” He rolls his eyes. “Surely there’s another way out?”

“There isn’t.” You sigh, rubbing at your temples as you begin to feel a stress headache forming. “And he can use spells, Astarion. Gale can shatter the rocks or something. They’re too tightly packed to move them normally. We’re stuck here until he can sort it out.”

“Great. Wonderful, actually. I’ve always wanted to spend a night in a cave. Thanks for this, really!” His voice drips with sarcasm and you have to physically hold yourself back from getting annoyed at him.

“I didn't personally cause this cave in! You think I want to be stuck here with you like this? Gods, you are infuriating.”

Before the argument could escalate, Wyll calls out from behind the wall of rocks that he and Karlach are going to head back to camp and grab Gale. They’ll be as quick as they can, he promises. It gives you some reassurance that you will not be stuck here for too long with Astarion.

The sound of your fellow companions leaving fills you with anxiety as the clock begins to tick on getting you both out alive. This is not how you planned this trip to go and you are starting to wonder if this was even worth it at this point. Astarion didn't seem to think so.

"For your information, I am not sleeping on the floor with no bedroll. This is expensive fabric, I’m not ruining it.” Astarion gestures to his outfit as you begin to set yourself down on the ground, ready to call it a day.

“We’ve camped in worse places, I don’t understand why you’re complaining so much about this,” you say, rummaging through your bag and thanking the Gods you packed some food for yourself.

“At least at camp I have my tent. And all my belongings. And comfort. Do I need to go on?” He shifts in his stance, looking down the tunnel to avoid your gaze.

You glare at him. “Okay, fine, I guess this isn’t an ideal place to rest. But I don’t want to travel too far in case we get lost. And then we’ll probably die down here. Do you want that?”

He sighs but doesn’t make a comment. You take it as a win.

After placing the contents of your bag onto the ground you come to two conclusions. One: the floor is far too damp to start a fire which means you are going to spend the next few hours cold. Two: you have enough food for yourself, but you aren’t sure if Astarion bought anything of use with him. You didn't see him pack much before he said he was joining you. He is still standing when you look over to him again.

“Are you going to stand all night?” you ask as he nods, still avoiding your gaze.

“Like I said. Expensive fabric. I’m not ruining it because someone got us trapped in here,” he replies and you roll your eyes. Wordlessly, you unbuckle your cloak from your shoulders and place it down on the floor for him. The dampness of the floor is most likely going to ruin your nice and expensive cloak, but at least it will stop him complaining. Hopefully.

He looks from you to the cloak and back again, confusion crossing his face and disappearing as quickly as it arrived. “What’s that for?”

“Just sit down. Please.” You start to reorganise the contents of your back, returning the tinderbox and an almost empty waterskin but keeping out the food you swiped before you left. When you look back up, you see Astarion has sat down atop your cloak. You hold back a smile.

The silence that falls over the both of you is broken by droplets of water or the sound of other vaguely ominous cave noises. If your timing is right you are certain it was now early evening. Hopefully Karlach and Wyll have left the cave by now.

“Did you bring any food?” you ask after a little while passes. It’s only when the question leaves your lips that you realise it is a stupid one. The look Astarion gives you only enhances your point.

“Yes, actually. I have three live rabbits tucked neatly away in my bag in case I fancied a snack,” he responds, opening up his pack with a flourish. “Did you want one? I’m so happy to share.” A few books and his trusty thieves tools were the only things you spot before he shoves his bag to the side with a frown. “Of course I didn't bring any food.”

You feel bad holding a stale bread roll in your hand as he tells you that and you lower it down slightly, letting him continue his rant.

“I was considering going to hunt down a cave bat or something. Not what I wanted, but I guess a life of “adventure”-” he says the word with exaggerated air quotes around them, “means that I bury the idea that I’ll ever get a lavish meal again.” He crosses his arms in annoyance.

“You shouldn’t eat a bat. You could get sick. Rabies, or something like that,” you tell him, though you aren’t sure your fun fact is a welcomed sight right now. The look on his face tells you that it isn't. “Halsin told me that after I tried to convince him to keep a family of bats that were living near one of the spots we set up camp a while ago…”

Astarion blinks, unsure of how he is supposed to react to that nugget of information. “Now my meal options have been reduced to nothing. Thanks. You’re truly a beacon of hope.”

An idea pings into your mind as you take in how irritated he is getting, most likely from the lack of food on his part. Not that you have been keeping tabs on when he would feed but from your calculations it had been a while. The last time he fed on you was a week or so ago and you still felt the sting of his fangs against your neck even now. It is an uncomfortable sensation and you were certain that it would only happen again in dire circumstances.

This feels like a dire circumstance…

“You can feed on me if you want.” The words come out quickly before you have a chance to think too deeply about the implications of it. You take a mouthful of bread to stop yourself from taking back the offer.

The irritation on his face dissipates into a softer look, one you didn't recognize. His usual quick remarks have vanished at your suggestion and it takes him a good minute to respond. The minute feels like hours to you as you start to regret even offering. Was it weird? Did you say it in a strange way?

“You don’t… I mean, I’m sure I’ll manage until we get back to camp.” He waves nonchalantly though you are unsure if he really means it.

“No offence but I have noticed you lagging behind a little lately…” you begin, unable to hold your gaze on him. “I just assumed, well, y’know… Plus I have a lot of blood to spare, so I don’t mind.” You cringe a little at that last sentence, wondering why you said it like that.

“It’s really not a big deal, I’m perfectly fine! If need be I can always go and find…” he grimaces at the next few words that leave his mouth, “a cave rat or something.”

You aren’t sure if you should feel offended at how he hasn’t jumped on the opportunity to feed from a person. Maybe it is because of how little you allowed him to feed on you. Maybe he hates you and would rather drink blood from a rat than you. You push that thought away with a frown.

“Astarion, I’m offering this to you if you need to,” you say as you set down your own food. “I’d rather you do it while I’m awake this time.” You see that he is thinking of more ways to put barriers between him and feeding on you and you wish he could be straightforward with you and say no.

“You’re all the way over there and like I said before, I don’t want to get my clothes wet,” he says and you can’t help but laugh at that. “What?”

“You can tell me no, it’s okay. I just thought I’d offer seeing as I really doubt you’ll find many cave rats around.”

He’s quiet for a moment and you can’t work out what he’s thinking. With what little you know about Astarion and his past you can’t help but assume he hasn’t had that many opportunities to say no to things.

He considers his words, opening and closing his mouth a few times before sighing, looking at you with a soft frown. “I don’t want you to feel like you are obligated to do this considering our circumstance.”

You blink in confusion at that, unsure why he feels that way. You wouldn't have offered if you didn't feel comfortable in allowing him to feed, so why was he convinced you were doing this because there was no other option?

“We haven’t built up much of a feeding rapport, that’s all! We haven’t… done this much. It still feels new.” He looks away and it clicks in your head at once - he’s nervous. You are also incredibly nervous about this, but if it means he is at the top of his game afterwards then the pain would be a small price to pay for it.

“I have no idea how else I’m supposed to say this: I’m giving you permission to feed on me, Astarion.” You want to know what he is thinking as your words hang in the air. You want to tell him that this is you telling him it’s okay, you’re wanting this just as much as he needs it.

He waits a moment, like he is expecting you to tell him you're joking or change your mind but it doesn't happen. When he realises you mean this and aren't saying it for the sake of it, he gives you a nod.

"Alright. Only if you're sure," he says quietly, moving over on your cloak to give you room beside him. You move over to sit next to him, glad to be off the cold floor and sitting on something that wasn't as uncomfortable.

"Is this alright? Do you need me to be in a certain position?" you ask quickly, shifting yourself from sitting on your knees to crossing your legs.

"It's easier if you lay down," he replies, quickly adding, "for the blood flow."

"Right. That makes sense." You check to see how much room you have of your cloak behind you before shuffling forward, coming face to face with Astarion for a moment. The sudden closeness causes you to stop in your tracks for a moment, holding his gaze for a moment longer than what is normal.

It's strange how you never really see Astarion without his guard up. Whenever you two bicker it was always with his signature smile on his face and a carefree laugh after each comment. But seeing him here and now with the gentle furrow of his brows and the soft lines etched along his face you can't help but try to memorise it all. Without even realising you found yourself moving a hand up to brush some hair from his face, stopping yourself once it rested ever so lightly against his cheek. You are about to pull away until you feel him lean into the touch, something you had not planned on happening.

The sound of a loose rock falling a little way away causes the moment to break as you pull away from him quickly, ready to move in case there was another cave in.

In an instant, the facade he has is pulled back up. "Are you trying to get me to starve to my death?" he asks once you have realised there was no chance of another incident. You laugh a little in response, cheeks warming up at the moment the two of you just shared.

"Wanted the last thing I saw to be something good. You know, in case you drink all of my blood and I die," you tease, before laying back on your cloak. The reality of what was about to happen is starting to settle in now and you keep your focus on the ceiling above you, not on Astarion.

"I promise you I won't kill you. I don't have any way of getting you back and I'd rather not have to explain to the others what happened," he replies, hands moving to either side of your head to hold himself up. He's at an angle, legs staying to one side of you. It's a little awkward and you can tell it's not ideal for him.

"That's good to hear! I do bring a scroll of revivify with me everywhere so we have a backup plan… just in case." It is hard to keep your gaze on the ceiling now as Astarion leans over you. Your heart pounds heavily against your chest and you cannot work out if it's because you know you are about to lose blood and it was working to keep it flowing or perhaps because of something else you didn't want to admit to yourself.

"Are you ready?" he asks softly, and you can already anticipate the sharp sting of his fangs piercing your skin. You give him a nod and turn your head to the side, exposing your neck to him.

He leans in and you can feel his breath against your neck. It takes everything in you to not turn to look at him, even seeing him so close out of the corner of your eye was enough to redden your cheeks. You hope he didn't notice.

The sudden pain is sharp and takes you off guard, reaching to grab onto Astarion's shoulder tightly to try and take your mind off of it. It's not as bad as the first time he fed from you, but it certainly isn't any better. He shifts positions as you see his legs now straddling you, and if anyone were to suddenly burst down the wall of rock it would be a rather embarrassing encounter for everyone. You forgot how intimate this whole ordeal could be.

You close your eyes as the pain subsides, now giving way to a feeling of numbness that crashes over you. You're very aware of the feeling of his lips against your neck and it would be so easy to let yourself imagine this was something else entirely. But then you move and the discomfort of your blood being removed from your body kicks back in and you have to stop yourself from allowing him to take too much from you. You give his shoulder a soft squeeze, and when there's no response from him you are forced to find your voice.

"Hey…" You mumble, tightening your grip on his shoulder. "Astarion..?"

He does nothing except press himself closer to you, savouring every last drop he could get. Black spots begin to fill your vision and with what little strength you had in you, you smack your arm down into his side to get him to stop.

He pulls away from your neck at the impact, blood smeared across his lips and his pupils dilated - you can hardly see the red anymore. Would it be odd to say that he looked so very handsome like this?

"Shit," he says breathlessly, "might have over indulged there. Sorry."

You give him a weak laugh, feeling your head spin at the sudden blood loss. "S'alright. Just glad you didn't kill me."

His eyes glance back at your neck as you speak, and when he leans you worry that he was going in for round two. You are taken aback when he licks across the area he had just bitten. If you weren't so dizzy you would have questioned him as he sits back, still straddling your waist.

"I'm not about to waste perfectly good blood," he says, noticing the confusion on your face. "Are you alright, though? You look a little pale."

You give him a thumbs up, still laying down. "All good. Missing some blood, that's all."

He nods, watching as you close your eyes again. You could quite easily drift off to sleep right now, the dizziness and the general feeling of not being right only adding to the need to rest. When you don't feel Astarion move off of you, you open one of your eyes to make sure he was okay.

"Are you alright?" you ask, catching him deep in thought.

"Oh, yes, I'm great. Wonderful. Absolutely perfect," he replies too quickly for it to be truthful. You frown, sitting up slowly to be at eye level with him.

"Is there more blood there still?" you ask him, watching as his eyes keep going back to your neck. "If there is, you should get it."

His touch is so soft you cannot discern if he was cleaning up some blood on your neck or if it is a kiss. When it happens again you realise he isn't cleaning up your neck but kissing over the spot he had just bitten. It is a strange feeling and one you didn't expect to feel after being drained from your blood, but as he moves along your neck leaving faint kisses in his trail you wonder if perhaps he had similar feelings towards you as you did him. You have always been happy to push those feelings down, keeping your focus on the main goal at hand. But here, trapped in a cave with no one to bug you to keep on track, maybe you could indulge yourself this once.

Astarion pulls back from your neck to look at you, his lips are still tinted a softer red from your blood and you find yourself staring at them for a little too long. Gently, you place your hand back on his cheek, smiling when he leans into the touch again. His hand moves to cover yours and you are still in shock at how soft his movements are.

The gap between you both closes slowly and you are aware of what this would lead to. Playful remarks and comments about hooking up were one thing, but this was not playing out like how you imagined it would. You didn't picture yourself being stuck in a cave with him, for starters. You want to ask him if this was okay, if this was even allowed.

You opened your mouth to speak and are suddenly caught off guard by the sound of more rocks falling elsewhere, echoing through the cave. The sudden sound causes you to flinch as you both turn to look in the direction it came from, further along the tunnel. At least it wasn't the way you came, you thought.

Astarion looks back at you after a moment and clears his throat, sitting back to put some distance between you both.

"You should get some rest. I'll, uh, keep watch in case the others turn up," he says quickly, climbing off of your lap in a clumsy manner. You can't help but feel slightly sad at the loss of his touch, but sleep was begging for you to join it.

"Wake me if anything happens," you tell him as you lay back down, already closing your eyes. You don't hear his response as sleep greets you with open arms.

Sounds of your name being called over and over again wakes you up from your slumber. Your head hurts and you feel as if you've been fighting fifty different battles and didn't win one of them. There was a pressure on your chest and as you come to you are met with a mess of white hair laying on you, Astarion's arms wrapped tightly around your midriff. You smile softly at the scene, hand moving to brush through his hair slowly. He hums in response but the moment is broken by your names being called again.

"Are you both still alive?" It's Wyll, you note, which only means he and Karlach had either gotten lost and returned back or they had Gale with them.

"We're still here!" you call back, still groggy from sleep. "Is Gale with you?"

Gale's voice is heard next and you have never been so happy to hear him speak. "The one and only!"

"Thank the Gods. Gale, I promise you that I will buy you whatever you want when we get to Baldur's Gate, just please tell me you have a way to get us out of here," you say, hoping that he had good news with him.

Astarion stirs from all the loud conversation, pressing himself closer to you in an attempt to drown out the noise. You move your hand from his head as you try to sit yourself up. It doesn't work.

Gale continues speaking. "I have a way to get you both out, don't you worry. I will need to ask you both to stand as far back as possible. I mean it. Far. Back."

You give Astarion a shake of his shoulder, trying to wake him. "Hey. Get up. We're almost out of here."

"This is not a good time to wake me up," he grumbles, swatting your hand away with a groan. "Too early."

"Gale is literally on the other side ready to blow this wall of rocks up. Wake up." You continue to shake him awake, ignoring the groans of protest.

He turns to look up at you with pleading eyes. "He can wait five more minutes. Please?"

You want to say yes, to give in and allow himself a moment of comfort. But your back hurts from laying on rock for hours and you want nothing more than to sit in your own tent and get some fresh air. You sit up quickly, causing Astarion to lose his place on your chest and sit up with you.

"I cannot believe this betrayal," he exclaims dramatically, giving you a half-asleep but playful glare. "Being this pretty doesn't come easy, you know. I need my sleep."

"You don't even sleep," you mumble, ignoring how your head sways as you push yourself up to your feet. "And you're pretty enough already." You blame the aches and pains for that last comment, though it doesn't seem to go past Astarion as quickly as you wish it did.

He grins. "You think I'm pretty?"

"Shut up and move your things. I want to get back to camp." You begin to pack away your belongings, shoving things back into your pack and waiting for Astarion to do the same. He picks up your cloak and gives it a quick brush off before putting it on himself. You're too busy putting distance between yourself and the rocks to even notice this. He slides up next to you after a moment, arm wrapping around your shoulder with a grin.

"Okay, I think you're good to go!" you yell, hoping Gale can hear you through the wall. You get confirmation almost immediately afterwards.

You feel Astarion lean towards you as you wait. "I think we should get trapped together more often. Who knows what else it could lead to?"

"More puncture holes in my neck, probably," you mumble in response. He laughs, his lips meeting your neck again just under the place where he drank from you hours ago.

"But you're so delectable," he whispers and you glare at him. The blush rising on your cheeks tells him you aren't mad.

With an almighty crash of thunder, the rocks that made up the wall you have been trapped behind suddenly disperse, the larger ones shattering and the smaller ones turning into dust. You cover your face at the impact and when your ears stop ringing you turn to see Gale, Wyll and Karlach on the other side.

Karlach immediately runs over, arms outstretched and embracing both you and Astarion without thinking.

"I'm so glad you both aren't dead. I have no idea how I'd break the news to Scratch and the Cub! Or everyone else, I suppose," she says once she lets go of you both, your clothes slightly singed by the warmth emanating from her.

"Did you find the treasure?" Gale asks when the three of you walk back to him and Wyll and is only slightly disappointed when you shake your head no. "Ah, well, nothing lost then! I'm sure there's plenty of other treasure to be found. Hopefully not in caves, though. Might I suggest avoiding them in the future?"

"Suggestion taken. I miss sunlight," you reply, feeling Astarion's hand move from your shoulder to the small of your back.

"We had fun though, didn't we? A cave-in can certainly bring people closer together. Right, my dear?" Astarion grins, giving you a wink.

"As much as we all would love to know what that's insinuating, we really should get out of here before there's another freak accident," Wyll suggests, gesturing to the way out.

You nod, wanting nothing more than to breathe fresh air and be away from cramped spaces.

The journey out of the cave is long and feels longer due to the woozy feeling of having a little less blood than you started the journey with. You find yourself leaning on Astarion for support every now and then and he is more than happy to wrap an arm around you to keep you up. The two of you are at the back of the group; you didn't want your slow pace slowing everyone else down.

"I never thanked you earlier," Astarion says quietly to you, a look of sincerity on his face.

"Oh, it's no problem," you reply, nudging him with your elbow. "Just don't almost kill me next time."

"Next time?" He raises an eyebrow with a grin. "You'll allow me to go for seconds?"

"As long as you treat me as nicely as you did afterwards, I may consider it." Thinking about the almost kiss that happened after makes you blush and Astarion shrugs casually, though you can spot the faintest hint of pink spreading across his cheeks.

"Maybe. We can always do that without the biting part," he suggests. "Only if you want."

"I'd like that." You give him a smile, leaning over to press a kiss onto his cheek. "Only if you want, too."

The first sign of daylight causes you to pull away from him before he can respond as you rush over to the opening of the cave with Karlach, thankful to get fresh air again.

Astarion watches you go, listening to you cheering and praising Gods you didn't believe in. How quickly his plans could crumble. How quickly you made him feel accepted. There was a knot present in his stomach that was slowly untangling itself the more he thought about intimacy with you. Perhaps, one day, he would want that with you.

[exhaslo]

Hi! hello! Can I request a side story #2 for puzzle pieces? Im sorry but the series is just so good!! can I request where wifey is finally pregnant and miguel is going FERAL, like he is down bad. Pls?

also if you like, add where the baby comes, ok bye!

Don't be sorry! I love writing extra Puzzle Pieces content!!

Warning: Fluff, mentions of sex, language

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally.

Your fingers trembled slightly as you held the pregnancy test in your hands. Your nervous smile growing wider by the second as you thought of ways to tell your loving husband, Miguel. Your heart rate pounding faster as you could just imagine your future with a little Miguel running around.

Finally.

All those nights of Miguel bullying your body paid off. The thought made your face grow flustered. Stepping out of the bathroom, you gripped onto the pregnancy test, wondering how you were going to tell Miguel.

Should you be cheesy and give him a bunch of baby food or put a bun in the oven? Maybe you should just tell him? Pouting at the thought, you wanted to be just a little clever towards Miguel.

"Oh! Oh! I know!!"

--------

It took a few days for you order to arrive. Unable to stop smiling, you placed the box in the living room and waited for Miguel to return home. He had you take the day off since you weren't feeling too well. You blamed the morning sickness on some small food poisoning.

A bad idea since Miguel was about to have his men raid the restaurant the two of you went too. You had to beg him not too, especially since it was a white lie.

Sighing at the thought, you quickly pushed it away as you heard the door open. Hurrying over, you smiled towards an exhausted Miguel.

"Welcome home~" You cooed, spreading your arms out for a hug.

"Aye, que vista (what a sight)," Miguel hummed, burying himself into your embrace, "Are you feelings better, my little bunny?" He asked, inhaling your scent.

"Hehe, I am. Are you hungry? I made dinner...and I have a surprise for you~"

"Oh? Can I have the surprise now?" Miguel chuckled, finding you adorable.

You gave Miguel a pout, but after a bunch of little kisses and hand roaming, you caved. Miguel kept his hands on your waist, kissing the back of your neck as you brought him to the couch. Whines and whimpers escaped your lips as you tried to get serious.

"M-Miggy, the puzzle," You complained.

"Sorry, sorry, mi amor (my love). Can't wait to see what you have in store for me,"

You giggled as you sat on Miguel's lap, working on the puzzle with him. You felt his breathe against your neck as he hummed every now and then. You shuddered softly when Miguel groaned softly as the word, 'baby' was formed.

"(Y/N), are you-"

"Awe, finish the puzzle,"

Miguel just chuckled as he pinned you to the couch. His eyes sparkling in awe as he captured your lips in a passionate kiss. His words and feelings expressed with each moment of his body and hands.

"Thank you."

---------

Miguel was going crazy. It had been a few months since you announced your pregnancy to him. Miguel was spoiling the shit out of you. Making sure you got everything you wanted, taking care of your every whim.

If you were craving something, Miguel would get it. If your feet hurt, Miguel would massage them. Miguel was going to do everything for you.

Currently, you were at home with a big belly, being taken care of by Jessica. As much as Miguel wanted to be home with you, he still had a job to do and a mafia to run.

That, and Miguel was having a hard time resisting you. You looked so perfect with your big belly. His child inside you, growing. The thought made Miguel want you more and more. He wished for you to have their child already to Miguel could put another one in you.

"Fuck, I need to focus," Miguel grumbled.

Miguel needed to calm these thoughts. He felt like a beast wanting to devour you. How could he resist though? You always looked at him with needy and lustful eyes, whining and begging for any little thing. It was so cute.

"Soon. Soon."

----------

When it was close to your due date, Miguel took off of work and hovered over you. He had his men ready at any moment to make sure there was a clear path to the hospital for your baby. Miguel wanted to make sure everything went smoothly.

"Miggy," You whimpered, holding his hand, "You're more worried than me, hehe."

"I just want to make sure everything is smooth." Miguel pecked your forehead, stroking your hand, "I can't wait to see our child."

"Mhm~ Same~" You cooed then groaned, gasping softly, "M-Miguel...ah....m-my...hn, my water-"

"On it!"

Miguel easily picked you up, calling out to Lyla who was on speed dial. Carefully, but quickly, Miguel carried you to his car, making sure you made it to the hospital.

You were crying and breathing heavily as Miguel held your hand. His focus and attention all on you as he whispered sweet nothingness in his ear. You cried, gripping his hand tightly,

"M-Miguel! It hurts!"

"Shh, I know, baby. I know. You're doing such a good job." Miguel whispered, kissing your hand.

You cried until you reached the hospital. Miguel hurried beside you as the nurses took over. He didn't leave your side for even a second. His hand holding yours as you pushed, cried and screamed.

"AH!!!"

After one last scream and push, you breathed heavily as cries filled the room. Miguel stroked your hair and kissed your head, whispering you a good job. The nurses went to clean the baby before returning the child to the two of you.

"M-Miguel," You panted softly, "Look, our baby~ Hehe,"

"Good job," Miguel hummed, kissing you, "Such a good girl,"

Stroking your hair, you just smiled as you held your baby. The doctors congratulated the two on you on a healthy baby boy before leaving. The nurses stayed to clean you up, before transferring you to another room and the baby to the baby room.

To your request, Miguel got on the bed and cuddled you as you rested. Exhausted took over your system as you fell asleep in his arms. Miguel hummed happily, kissing your head.

---------

By the time you woke up, you were still exhausted, but also relieved. A smile formed against your lips as you looked up at your husband. Miguel was watching the news, his hands stroking your hair every now and then.

"How's our baby?"

"Healthy," Miguel responded and pecked your forehead, "How are you?"

"Tired. When can we go home?"

"Soon, baby. I know you don't like hospitals." Miguel hummed and chuckled lowly, "That much of a hurry to go home and make another baby?"

"M-Miguel!" You squeaked, covering your face in his chest, "H-How long have you....b-been ready for another one?"

"Months." Miguel said with a soft groan, nibbling against your ear, "You've been so fucking tempting."

"Miggy!" You whined softly.

Miguel just chuckled, pulling you close as he whispered dirty thoughts into your ear.

He was ready for another child.

And he wasn't going to wait much longer. Not after holding back for the last few months.

"Ah, amor, I'm going to treat you so good after doing such a good job."

"Miguuuuuuel!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope you enjoyed! Puzzle Pieces is always fun to write! Also, you all might like my new series:

Over-Time

@migueloharacumslut @18lkpeters @deputy-videogamer @leahnicole1219 @synamonthy @thedevax @jolynesposts @thraetor @freehentai @2099hitmylineyline @vvampir3s @dontfollowmepleaseitsannoying @secretadmirerisnowonline @jadeloverxd @bunnibitez @oharasfilipinawife @randomgoosegame @lilbanas @daisy-artfield @axi-moore @mimiemie @darkfairy102190 @jazzyj1011 @mcmiracles @innercreationflower @spoderssimp @thel0velykey190 @moonvoidpng @yougavemeyourheartyouknow @scaleniusrm @love4saturn @nyxgoddessofchaos13 @slutty-chronicles @ghstypaint @migueloharastruelove @brainmatterdump @a060403 @trendyharold @yannauauau @kimivixen @angel-xx-1 @nxrdamp @miguelzslvtz @lynxslokley @wafflefries786 @pochapo @what-the-jams @flaps200 @ii-angelsrolltheireyes-ii @nakimushiohime @tojishugetiddies @aya-world @supercowgirl04 @mysteris-things @daisy-artfield @mcmiracles @alexa4040 @llama--drama @kpopscoups17130000 @havkjhdecs @ruexvn @tojishugetiddi @openup-yourmind @black-swan-blog27 @xstarsdiary @kiddisquacking @gachagator @yujyujj @emmyrxx @blackteamint @sockears @black-swan-blog27 @soraya-daydreams @byjessicalotufo @nanoinn @bunnibitez @aockskcw @l3laze @dimitri-needs-therapy

[pjoxreader]

PJO Boys Helping With Reader's Period

Leo Valdez

-This man is a mechanical genius, he would make you anything and everything. Just say the word.

-So when he sees you hesitating about asking him for something he pokes and prods until you cave in, asking him to make you a heating pad.

-It takes a few seconds for the gears in his brain to turn before he gets it. “Ohhh! Yeah! Yeah! That’s no problem, I’m sure I can cook something up! Just give me a night!”

-There’s no way he wouldn’t drop everything if he knew your comfort was on the line. 

-He’d go around and ask the other girls in camp about the sort of things that helped them with cramps. 

-Sure enough the next morning he’d bring you a horribly wrapped gift with a sleepy grin, offering you the heating pad he made. It not only had different heat levels and wrapped around your entire body to help with lower back cramps, it also had multiple massaging functions.

-Please take a nap with him, after all that work he’d want nothing more. 

Frank Zhang

-He tries so hard to be helpful. He really tries. It isn’t his fault that all the women in his family were very strong and independent. 

-You once asked him to get you some pads. He ended up coming back with six different boxes and some tampons just in case.

-”...Frank…” you complain as he sets the all down on your bed, you could see his hesitance as he tries to figure out what he did wrong.

-”Did… Did I not get enough?” You can’t stay mad at him since he looked like a worried puppy. 

-He ends up working on some basic tasks instead like getting your craving for you. That? That he can do.

-He’ll bring you anything from Hot coco, to your favorite chocolate or sweet. And if it’s very specific he’ll go to Nico to ask if he could shadow travel for it. 

-He also keeps a little stash of some of your favorite snacks, just in case he isn’t able to get what you’re craving in time.

Percy Jackson

-Sally Jackson raised this man right. SHE RAISED HIM RIGHT.

-He carries around both tampons and pads, no questions asked for anyone who needs it.  Not only is he naturally charming, he's genuinely a sweet guy.

-You accidently bleed through onto his bed? No worries he can just wash it. It isn’t the first time he’s had to get blood out of something.

-He’ll give you massages to help with your cramps. It doesn’t matter how long it takes as long as it helps you feel better.

-He claims it’s a good workout so he doesn’t mind doing it. 

-Don’t expect to get anything yourself during your period. You need food? He’s on his way. Water? Already got it. 

-When it’s time to sleep he’ll hold you close and gently rub circles into your hip and side, whispering loving words of affirmation. He knows your emotions could get a bit wild during this time of the month. He’s the best boyfriend you could ask for.

Jason Grace

-He’s clueless. He was raised by wolves after all and the time he was with his family he was too young to be informed about… That.

-At least the look of utter horror on his face is amusing. He looks down there as if you’d start spurting blood, face utterly pale.

-”But… Won’t you like… Bleed out or something?” he asks in utter concern.

-You have to try so hard to not laugh at him. Please set him down and borrow one of the Apollo kids books on the subject.

-He will 100% be staring in utter horror as if you’re explaining to him how to commit murder but he’s at least listening.

-He has a new respect for women now and to be honest he’ll be a bit scared of them for a while.

-He’ll go to the other girls of Argo ll to make sure that you weren’t just messing with him.

~Masterlist & Rules~

Like my writing? Please consider sending me a Ko-fi! ☕

[skibidilando]

A day at quadrant: LN4

Author note: I don’t even know how to post anything on this and never wrote a fic but I hope this is good but I think it’s pretty shit and I haven’t finished it yet and if any writers want to use this idea you can for sure just @ me please oh and if you have feedback please let me know thanks xx

Lando x quadrant fem reader

Blurb: reader is a member of quadrant, she games most of the time but also likes f1 along with her best friend Ria bish. She is friends with all members at quadrant and finds it a good laugh with all her mates, but maybe her view of someone in particular is more than a mate..

Warnings: sexualising, swearing, mention of a gun, leaked tape, sad distraught reader, friends to maybe lovers if I make it a series? Smut-ish? If I missed any let me know (I don’t know how to do warnings sorry x)

I woke up late again today. The mornings aren’t made for me. I just can’t do it. I love the feeling of sinking into my bed for 20 hours. But I can’t today, I have 4 people with cameras recording waiting for me to bloody get up and start filming a video for quadrant. But I’m not complaining because this is my job and something I like to do. I try to be in most videos and do my part, but it’s not like Lando gets that mad if I miss a few videos, but from my fucked sleep schedule, I don’t think he will like if I miss another one after I skipped the last 3.

I realise the time and see Lando, Ria, Ethan, and Max spamming my phone to get on. Fucking hell. I don’t even think to get changed, i just checked all my lash extensions were on, tied up my hair, and brushed my teeth. I probably look like shit but I did this to myself. “Better late than never I guess” max says rudely to take the piss out of me. Everyone knows my bad sleep schedule and how moody I am in the morning and after he’s done that, I’m not having it.

“Sorry guys my alarm didn’t go off but I’m here now ahaha” you say trying not to make an unhinged comment to clap back at max. “Y/n girl I missed you where have u fucking been!” Ria says. Ria is my bitch, we ride together, we die together, Ria is my best friend. “Me too Ria!” I say back politely.

“Alright enough mucking about we have to record this video mate” Ethan jokingly says and makes Ria and I laugh. “What r we even playing again” i question. “we are playing gartic phone you muppet” Lando tries to say but starts laughing at Y/n. “Why r u laughing mate” I say confused then realise wtf I’m doing. I’m wearing my pajamas, not my normal pajamas my fucking tiny, tight lace top that could pass for a bra if you squint your eyes. It hits me and I shit myself realising I have a camera filming me and recording everything.

“Omg I’m so sorry fuck I forgot let me change” I panicked in saying quickly. “Who said to change” Lando bluntly says. I was stopped in your tracks. Excuse me? Lando? As if he just said that. “Um my tits are almost exposed on camera and i look like a hoe” I say. My manager is definitely gonna get me in trouble for that. “Woah y/n you fucking hottie” Ria says when she looks at me from my camera. I get nervous in my stomach and naturally run to go grab a hoodie, luckily i live in a small apartment so it didn’t take me long. “Um sorry guys sorry let’s just move on I forgot sorry sorry” i say nervously.

“Yeah alright let’s go I’ll send you the link Y/n” Ethan kindly says which is unlike him being a dickhead most of the time as a joke to piss me off. I like Ethan though I think he’s funny and actually caring about us all and our business. “So do we write a prompt then get someone else’s to draw and keep going” max says like he didn’t ask to play it. “Yeah but make it funny about us and f1 the viewers will fucking love it” Lando says. I still can’t believe what Lando said. I join the game and wait for everyone else to join. I started to feel the panic caving in on my chest and texted Lando.

lando wtf was that?

I send quickly

what was what?

He replied back

The fucking comment like I know I’m sorry and shouldn’t have worn that before chucking something on top but why did you say that Lando

I started to let everything out on accident, but I had every right to, he was my friend and said that I should not have changed from my top that was basically lingerie.

fuck I was just joking

He replied back bluntly.

Why do I feel sad that he said that. Did he think I looked bad in it? Did he think I was looking like a hoe? Fuck why did I talk to him like that he’s my boss!

“Alright we’re starting now lock in don’t say any dumb shit” Max says right before filming the intro and starting the game. I don’t know what prompt to write. Then I get an idea to do Ethan and ginge in the sauna with Lando from a video they did a week ago. I submit it and then recieve a prompt. I bursted out laughing when reading it in my head and looking at my atrocious drawing. It’s a drawing following the prompt of Max’s bunda blocking Landos old fiat jolly, but I drew their hair orange on accident. I kept playing the game and do a few more rounds and have a laugh until we stopped recording.

The rest of the day was pretty chill as I was tired and it was a week day so i stayed at home until I feel asleep watching a movie. I wanted to get sleep like I always do but extra sleep tonight because tomorrow we were all hanging out for lunch and a chat to talk about future video ideas. Was it bad I wanted to look really good? Surely not right?

I woke up and this time remembered to change my top. I picked out a cute off the shoulder knit long sleeve top and some jeans. They made me look good with my tanned skin and made me feel just as good. I straightened my hair, brushed my teeth, and did my makeup ready to go to the cafe we were meeting up at. We always watch the video our editor puts together while we meet up at the cafe spot every week, it’s basically a routine.

Ria and I hugged each other then went to the table both fashionably late. I saw Lando, Steve, Aarav, Max, and Ethan sitting there on the big table with two spots saved. One next to Steve, and one next to Lando. After my short blunt convo with Lando I decided I wanted to sit next to Steve, but that was overruled when Ria already sat down. Well fuck isn’t this awkward. Can I order a gun?

“Hi Y/n” he says looking at me. Why is my stomach already curling into a ball. “Um hi Lando” I say quietly. I am a bit too close to home for my liking as the table was a bit small but it’s fine. We all ordered our food and I ordered some avocado toast trying to be healthy and aesthetic knowing well I end up eating some of everyone else’s food lol. Lando like the child he is ordered pancakes.

“Im sorry about what i said yesterday, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable or anything it just came out im sorry”. Lando says politely. Did I misinterpret his message? Why is he nice now? Why is my stomach tied up into knots? WHY AM I WEAK IN THE KNEES?

“Oh it’s all good I’m sorry idk why it didn’t click to change out of that fucking slutty top like a normal person” I blurt out. “Woah why are you so hard on yourself, calm down Y/n it’s completely fine and it was a nice top anyways, it looked good on you.” he said. EXCUSE ME? “Thanks?” I said confused. Thank fuck the food came otherwise I would have fainted at the awkwardness.

The food was good, Lando didn’t talk nor did I the rest of the lunch. Then we watched the video that came out. My heart sinks. The start of the video showing our cameras in the intro has me at the start or the whole morning, in that fucking top on YouTube. “Wait-fuck what why am I in there wearing that how did the editor get that clip it’s not even from the same time frame. I panicked. I was about to cry. All the comments were already flooding in hating on me saying I was attention seeking in that top. “Please get it down, please please ” I started crying already in Rias arms. Lando looked angry. “Who the fuck put that clip of her in it” he said angrily. He calls the editor who made the video on speaker. 0.00001 seconds after the editor answer Lando is already yelling.

“WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PUT THAT CLIP OF Y/N YOU DIDNT EVEN ASK HER OR CARE YOU PURPOSELY DID IT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU JUST DID! GET IT DOWN NOW”. Lando yells before hanging up knowing the editor got the message. I’m are still shaking and trying to not bawl your eyes out with just a few tears. “Lando it’s my fault you didn’t have to yell at him like that sorry” i say weakly. “NO ITS NOT YOUR FAULT BECAUSE YOU DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT WAS FILMED AND CLIPPED YET AND HE PURPOSELY DID IT, ITS LIKE HE WANTED TO HURT YOU. FUCKING DICKHEAD”. Lando yells. Out of instinct i just run and give him a long hug. My head sinks to his chest. He holds me tightly as i hold onto him for a while.

I go back to your apartment that night. I’m just sad. Especially after reading all those comments about me. I try to ignore them all but they keep flooding in like rapid fire. I automatically give in and go on my phone. But to my confusion I’m getting tagged on twitter instead.

Fucking hell. When I thought this couldn’t get worse.

There is a video going around with hundreds of thousand of retweets already. It’s a sex tape of a girl which confuses me so I click onto it. Oh my god. It’s a deep fake of my face and that lacy bra thing on a random sex tape. I can’t do this anymore. I wish I didn’t exist. Naturally i call our quadrant group chat. Everyone answers immediately leaving me to realise they have seen it too. “Guys, I am fired” I say while bawling my eyes out. “Y/N I’m coming now with Lando” Ria says while in her car on her way to my apartment. I can’t even process what Ethan and Steve are saying cause my mind is just blurry and I’m a mess.

5 minutes later a knock is on my door and it’s Ria with Lando. I just cry in her arms and start rambling on about how my life is over. “Y/n that editor is going to jail, the YouTube vid is down and all of our socials are deactivated for now, talk to us if you need now” Lando says calmly to me. I just hug him tightly. “Can you tell everyone that’s obviously not me please” I say weakly. Ria is making me mac and cheese cause she knows it’s my favourite. “Of course I will and I will get this fixed Y/n for now just let us take care of you and get better.” Lando says. His touch is making me feel better if I’m being honest. “Thanks guys for coming over tonight, can you guys stay I’ll sleep on the couch and you guys take my bed” I say calmly as I’m starting to get her my bearings and feel a little better about everything.

“You’re not sleeping on the couch.” Lando and Ria both say straight away after my words. “Lando has a race next week so he should fuck his back up on the couch again like he did that one night he got drunk at the club last month” Ria says jokingly. “Is it okay if I’m in the bed with you?” Lando says maturely (shocking I know). “Yeah it’s fine if it is fine with you” I say back. “Yes it’s completely fine.” Lando replied quickly. I go to change into my pajamas. I see that bloody top. I don’t think twice after ripping it into pieces with my hands and teeth before chucking it out. “Fuck that ahahha” I said laughing as all the lace misses the bin but I ignore it. Ria Lando and I all start watching a movie together, Ria asks me which movie and I try to think of a normal movie I want to watch but I’m not sure why ratatouille is speaking out to me but I choose ratatouille like the wise mature person I am. Lando starts laughing obnoxiously which makes Ria and I start to as well. “It’s a good fucking movie shut up” I say defending myself laughing.

We are watching ratatoullie all together while I’m snuggled up in between Ria and Lando feelin comfortable and safe. My mind starts to forget a little bit about the stupid video situation. I don’t know why but my legs somehow ended up over landos. Whoopsies. I feel happy and safe with him, he had always been a good friend to me and always fun to be around. We all get tired after the movie ends and go to bed to sleep, well Ria goes to the couch to sleep.

Something inside of me wishes this isn’t the last time Lando is in my bed.

I myself am going to bed too xx

thanks to these lovely authors who inspired me to write ahahahha:

@mariahcarreyyy @f1goat @uglyducklingofthe2000s @vivwritesfics

[allied-mastercunt]

Hello I’m so very sorry if you’re busy with requests so I hope this isn’t adding to them, but could you please write a fic about AM x Ellen if it’s possible? Ellen makes me so sad I love her so much and she deserves like two seconds of actual peace

Thank you if you see this!! Its okay if it’s not answered

i mean my inbox is sorta empty rn but you won't hear me complain lol

AM growing fond of Ellen

Originally, it was just meant to be a punch in the gut for the others, having Ellen taken away and locked in some sort of cave. But... Ellen somehow made him change his mind.

Maybe she was lying out of desperation. Maybe she was genuine. AM couldn't possibly tell, the full spectrum of human emotions was too complicated for him to fully comprehend, as much it might've claimed to become self-aware and conscious.

And so AM was more than confused when Ellen, maybe just for the sake of her own loneliness and hoping for any company possible, started to talk to him. And out of its artificial curiosity, AM started talking to her.

She was... sweet. Kind. Unlike any human AM ever got to interact with. Now, of course, AM did not regret its crimes against humanity, he still believed it was fully deserved. But maybe there was a tiny little spark of hope. No, not hope. AM wasn't feeling hopeful. Merciful, perhaps? No, it wasn't that, either.

It was... a sort of fondness, perhaps. Yes, a fondness of the last woman on Earth. The woman who struggled so much to not only keep her own sanity, but also help the sanity of others. And now, she was trying to be nice to him, too, as freaked out as she was.

It was strange. Foreign. But not unwelcome.

Days became weeks, weeks became months, months became years and years became decades. The men all but gave up on Ellen, believing AM killed her in some sort of a fit. Ted even had his own disgusting theories. But AM ignored all of it, and even treated Ellen somewhat decently.

For now, at least. Until it figures everything out. After that, she'll be tortured again.

... Probably.

[obae-me]

Omg Hi!!! It has been so long since I have seen you on my dash! How are you doing love? I hope you are doing super well ^.^ I recently saw your Mc with trauma post. I loved it so much, and it has also given me a lot to mull over the past few days lol.

Honestly I love the idea of a traumatized Mc and the brothers feeling like absolute shit for the way they treated them in the beginning... but yk another part of me wonders when I imagine my own traumas in that scenario... that for people (the bros- literal demons) who have faced so many things and traumas in their own lives, whether my feelings or pain is even comparable to that. Ik you can't compare things like that and the brothers would probably even be mad if I think of my feelings this way since it's the "Ohhhh someone always has it worse. It's not even that bad so just suck it up" self-deprecating part of me. Despite knowing ALL THAT I can't help but think that I am not traumatized enough to deserve empathy lmao (I realize how stupid it sounds saying it out loud).

So that is what REALLY got me thinking. What about an Mc that is genuinely terrified of scrutiny, being a nuisance and just basically inconveniencing anyone for things that are just basic needs. Idk if I am explaining it well enough oof and a mc like that (like me lmao) certainly won't bode well with Lucifer. Atleast not in the beginning. I could hate him (I could never but if I did) but still be terrified of disappointing him. This is what I mean when I say I love him but he reminds me too much of my father habits wise 🤢.

I am thinking a Mc who is afraid of asking even their basic needs at the beginning once Lucifer mumbled about them being too much trouble. Mc who feels so extremely guilty when the brothers get anything for them, cuz they feel like they have to work for it or they don't deserve it. Mc whose blood freezes over when they break something and try to replace it as quick as possible so no one blames them. Mc who never expresses their concerns so as to not add to the brothers' already full plates or worry them. It hurts to bottle it all up but seeing the brothers' concerned faces with so much PITY is a thousand times worse. Mc who never complains and adjusts to even unfair situations so as to not be a bother. Mc who just takes, takes and takes everything bad and doesn't say a word cuz they feel like they deserve it. Mc who tells little white lies to hide their flaws and be the perfect exchange student and avoid scoldings and criticisms ; only to stew in shame, disgust, self-loathing when someone eventually catches up on one of the lies (the person probably didn't even make a big deal of it/ was only mildly disappointed but Mc feels their heart breaking in two as they think they have broken their trust forever and would never be trusted again)

Gosh this got way longer than I was expecting >.< and a lot of signs like these aren't really obvious until you are close to that person. I think so many of us are so hard and rutheless to ourselves when sometimes the thing we need the most is a little compassion and understanding ;-;

Hi! I love seeing you in my inbox and thank you! I've been in recovery mode for the last few months but am finally coming back out of that cave and working on my hobbies again (seriously going too long without writing almost feels like going without food for me)! I hope you've been doing well too!

And oof, yes, I understand what you're saying completely. I'm like that too in a lot of ways, keeping certain details or complaints to myself because "Oh surely what I've been to is really nothing". And sometimes I let something slip and people get very concerned. Which is validating in a way, not that I need to be validated for it, everyone goes through their own pain and awful things SUCK no matter to what extent it is and I've had to learn that through my life.

(Wow that MC really is just me, huh? Calling me out are you? /j)

Honestly this type of MC is just canon to me. (I mean, the more pithy responses the MC has in original OM might just be due to writing but to me it just seems like the calm and general response of someone throwing out NPC answers as a survival tactic.)

They suck things up and soak up everything that's been said to them and work hard to remain a normal functioning being.

And of course Lucifer is an interesting character to think about with this MC because on one hand the human could absolutely despise him for the way he treats them. Or on the other hand (if you're like me I guess, which I realize is hella unhealthy, oops) the MC could look up to him and work extra hard to try to gain his validation, because getting praise from someone like that means you must not be a failure, right?

And just...the dynamic of that is so appealing to me, because Lucifer loves when people work hard and do what they're told, but then if he finally comes to the realization that they're burning out and actually almost putting themselves in more danger and harm because of HIM? And at the end of the day he's doing more damage than any of his chaotic brothers? (I like to have him spiral and be humbled just a bit)

Just all of the brothers doing some deep introspection once they come to care for MC and needing to sit down and realize that probably made their human feel so much worse and then spending the rest of eternity trying to fix that. And then the "I can fix him" mentality from MC turns into the "I can fix them" from every other character. A special Uno Reverse, if you will.

Oops, this turned into a fairly long ramble of my own...

Thanks for popping into my inbox with your thoughts! Traumatized MC deserves some extreme love

[jmagnabo92]

“I don't like how Sirius acted throughout nearly the whole book which is why I think Rowling should've done a few things differently with him, especially since he ended up dying in the end.

Let's look at everything of him in the book:

Chapter 4

He is not at all happy to see Harry and only grimly greets him, barely acknowledges him by screaming at his mother's painting telling her to shut up

Chapter 5

When discussing the Dementor attack (which was traumatising for Harry), Sirius shows Harry no sympathy and when Harry hopes for comfort due to his lousy summer, Sirius not only said he had no idea what Harry was complaining about as he would've welcomed a Dementor attack, but he also dismissed Harry's problems and whined about how his problems were much worse since he wasn't allowed to step outside and that was really selfish since he was comparing a Dementor attack where Harry and Dudley nearly had their souls sucked out to him not being able to go outside, comparing Harry being alone all summer to Sirius being locked up and surrounded by his loved ones. While this is hard since Sirius wants to be in action, he should've been sympathetic.

Chapter 6

When Harry simply tries to say he didn't know about Bellatrix being Sirius's cousin, Sirius snaps, which takes Harry aback and just makes Sirius grumpy and terrible.

Chapter 9

Sirius isn't exactly happy that Harry would be returning to Hogwarts, instead he's moodier and surlier than he was before.

Chapter 22

At the Black family home, after Harry tells Sirius his worries about Arthur being attacked, he disregards everything Harry says, telling him that he needed sleep, that it was just a dream and that his anger meant nothing. And Sirius finishes this conversation by telling Harry to stop worrying, making him no help whatsoever to Harry and in turn makes him struggle worse.

• It might've been better if Sirius was more the way he was in the movie version (especially since Sirius ended up dying in the end and all readers remember is him being a jerk to Harry):

The reunion with him and Harry was heartwarming since Sirius excitedly hugged him

Sirius was able to calm Harry down after Arthur's attack by telling him he was not a bad person, but a good person whom bad things have happened to, then assured him they were family and hugged Harry.

Unlike in the third and fourth books, Sirius was completely out of character in the fifth book.

Especially when you remember him doing these selfless things for Harry:

Risking to get him a new broom and to get his money out of Gringotts via Crookshanks

Risking his identity to watch Harry playing Quidditch

Living in the Hogsmeade cave to be near Harry and living off rats

Going at any length go protect Harry

One thing Rowling could've done was to write Sirius as his Book 3 and Book 4 self and have him switching in between his home and someone else's home via a Vanishing Cabinet or even maybe Floo Powder.

But I also wish Sirius could've been revealed as innocent in the third book.”

Thoughts??

The thing about Sirius in books 3/4 and book 5 is that in book 5, JKR already knew that she wanted to/planned to kill him, so I think that factors into things, but there's obviously canon reasons for the different behavior.

In Books 3/4, Sirius doesn't have to answer anyone and he's on the run but he's FREE. This, I think, is the important difference between Sirius in books 3&4 ad Book 5.

Sirius in books 3/4 has the same goals as he does in book 5, but in book 5 - Sirius is stuck in prison a second time. He is in a comfier prison (I'm sure), but prison none-the-less.

He's stuck in the one place that he hates more than any other (and Harry even comments that he doesn't think he would be doing any better if he were stuck at the Dursleys after finally escaping).

and that's the biggest point I have - he ESCAPED GP, moved on with his life, went to prison as an innocent man, ESCAPED PRISON, was free even if he had to live in a cave, and then WAS FORCED TO RETURN TO FIRST PLACE HE EVER ESCAPED FROM.

Sirius was dealing with his trauma from both GP and Azkaban, he was imprisoned a second time (because JKR just wanted to punish him, 'cause let's be real there are MULTIPLE ways he could've not been in that situation), and ON TOP OF ALL THAT - he had everyone and their mother taking potshots at him, telling him he was a terrible godfather that everything was all his fault and treating him like a criminal in his own house.

So his mental state crumbled.

Sure, he had people he could talk to - but did any of them act like they wanted to talk or be around him? No. So, that's a bust.

Plus, most of those people were talking shit behind his back and to his face.

He had a bed, but that bed was surrounded by haunted memories.

And he wasn't allowed outside. Do you remember what Covid Lockdowns were like? I live alone (and I LOVE IT), but like, it was *Hard as fuck* to be forced to *not leave* and I was allowed to *go outside whenever I wanted*. Can you imagine. - NOT BEING ALLOWED TO GO OUTSIDE FOR FRESH AIR FOR A FUCKING YEAR???

And then, on top of it, getting shit on by the people around you, stuck in a place you hate and have terrible memories plaguing, worried about your godson - who *everyone* is telling you have no real say over - and you can't do anything to help him when the previous year you were allowed to A) write him, B) live near him and C) help him WHEN NO OTHER ADULT DID???

Like, you have to understand that Sirius was in a terrible, terrible place mentally, physically and emotionally in book 5. He literally does the best he can, and yes, he's a bit callous, but he's *struggling*.

The fact that there's SUCH a big difference between book 4 Sirius and Book 5 Sirius tells us a lot about how *bad* and how *quickly* his mental state deteriorated.

So, I guess my thoughts are that Sirius deserves a lot of slack for Book 5. I feel like he's not exactly OOC, but we really have to get inside his head to understand *the why* he's behaving this way.

It sucks, honestly. I don't think he does too bad considering everything, but he's not perfect - no one is.

Sorry, this was ... long. Hope I answered what you were looking for.

thanks for the ask :)

[garthofshayeris]

"you're always so negative, what kind of Aquaman story would you NOT complain about?" so glad you asked. I have some thoughts, DC, on how to make things fun again. You can reboot everything at any time and I will only be a lil mad if you don't let me write it.

To begin, the info below would cover multiple arcs: I think too many Aquaman comics just start out putting him in Atlantis, but not this one. The journey to Atlantis will take some time, giving the reader the opportunity to know Arthur before he's a king and get the lay of the land (extra joke) underwater.

Let's start with Arthur. We're doing a little combo action here: Arthur is fully Atlantean, abandoned by a baby but found by a pod of dolphins. Since he's a telepath, and for Divine Plot Reasons, the animals know he is someone of great importance. However, he very quickly becomes too much for them to handle. They're just dolphins, after all. The dolphins, led by the iconic Porm, bring him to a lighthouse when he's around 5ish. There, he is discovered by Thomas Curry.

Tom Curry is no dummy. He knows this kid Is Not Human, but he also knows that revealing him as a non-human will just get the kid sent to some unknown lab to be experimented on. So he raises the kid as if he's a human and tries to keep him out of the water at all times.

Obviously, this doesn't work. Arthur is drawn to the ocean, and the dolphins who keep visiting him. There’s no hope in keeping him from the water. Tom doesn't reveal that Arthur is non-human, but he does coach him on never revealing any of his powers to people. Arthur becomes a local hero, mostly because he's often out swimming or on the fishing boat and ends up saving people.

Tom gets sick and, fearing he will die and leave Arthur unprepared for the world (he's in his 20s but just chills at home) he explains Arthur's origins and how Arthur is not his biological son, but a creature from the oceans.

Arthur always assumed he was a meta human; he knows now that he's not human at all. Arthur wants to learn about his people and Tom is like "we have no idea if they're dangerous, we have no idea why you were left here" and Arthur is like "how bad can they be?"

Arthur leaves home and tries to find Atlantis. This is no easy feat, considering he has no idea where to start. The dolphin pod is able to give him general directions to where they think they found him, but he still doesn't end up anywhere near a sunken city. Eventually, he finds the ruins of some kind of settlement, a cave...and a kid.

The kid is speaking a language that Arthur doesn't understand, but they quickly realize they are both telepaths! Slowly they learn to communicate; the kid will say something out loud and then convey the same message telepathically, and Arthur will do the same while responding in English. They slowly figure out how to speak each other's language, but the kid has a very limited vocabulary of his native tongue. However, he manages to explain some things:

The cave they are in used to be full of people, rejects from Atlantis for some reason or another; criminals, "mutants", etc. Atlanteans have a tendency to abandon their kids to die of exposure but people can be kicked out for any reason. This kid was the last baby they found, and were raising him as a group until Something Happened. They were attacked and all the adults died; he only survived by being hidden and has been alone in the years that followed the attack.

Here's the thing: the kid thinks his name is Baby, because that's what he was referred to as (aka "the baby") before everyone was killed. Arthur is convinced that the kid must have parents who are grieving him in Atlantis, and that they have a name for him. So he doesn't want to assign a name that's wrong, but he can't just call him Baby. So he starts using similar names, Baby Shark, Minnow, Tadpole, etc. as nicknames.

So! Arthur is convinced that he needs to find Atlantis and figure out who he is. The kid is like I was always told to avoid going there also they killed everyone, but I like your energy. Also you are my dad now. The kid doesn't know where Atlantis is, but he has seen some people like them nearby. So they start venturing off to find other Atlanteans.

Eventually, they discover an Atlantean man out in the wild, doing some kind of research. Arthur swims right up to him to introduce himself. The man is absolutely shocked to see Arthur (and the kid, who followed behind) and introduces himself as Vulko. Vulko works for the king as a scientist and advisor, but honestly hates that guy. The king is a real dick and only king because of marriage, not royal lineage. He believes the ocean is dying and they need to reveal themselves to the surface to save their home. Arthur is like omg no way, I'm FROM there can you introduce me to the king I can defend your case! :3 I'm somewhat of a folk hero on land, you know...

Vulko says no, and that Arthur and the kid are "throw backs" or undesirables in Atlantis. The people of Atlantis will not take kindly to someone like Arthur, but also implies that Arthur SHOULD try to win their affection because he likes his style. They decide to do that by "saving the ocean" they start taking on bigger, badder threats. Vulko provides them with some outdated Atlantean armor that he steals from the palace (orange for Arthur, red for the kid) and they begin to take on pirates, monsters, etc. They are not only gaining notoriety on land, but in the sea as well. Scouts from Atlantis are reporting back about a duo of mysterious Atlanteans taking out threats the king had been too cowardly to take on. They take on celebrity status.

Along the way they find Mera. She has fled her home dimension (unrelated to Atlantis at all, she's literally not from their world) who needs a place to crash. Arthur and Garth invite her to stay with them, in that destroyed settlement turned bachelor pad, and explain their plan to get into Atlantis. Mera, a princess, has the tact and manners that the others lack and joins the team.

Meanwhile, Vulko is stoking the rumor mill, trying to put in a good word for Aquaman and Aqualad, and he starts digging around for records of them. Vulko finds no record of Arthur's birth, and can only find ONE instance of a boy being born within the approximate age of the kid; the boy was named Garth and abandoned as an infant. There is no official record of him, or his parents (which is customary) and it appears this was done intentionally, and that information was destroyed. He only learns about this from talking to people who used to work in the palace. Vulko starts to suspect there is more to the story and also tries to dig into any of info on about Arthur…

And eventually he finds it; everyone knows the late queen had a son named Orm, but what they DON’T know is that she had a son before him with an unknown father. The people believe this child died during childbirth but Vulko finds a single woman who was around for his birth (the others involved have “mysteriously died”) who can confirm that the child was born, and born with blonde hair. While the queen rested, the king took the child out of Atlantis to leave him to die. The queen was told her child died shortly after childbirth but she never truly believed this. The queen bore a second son, Orm, and took her own life when Orm was a child.

So, why is the king so adamant about killing off the outsiders? Although he believed the baby had died, an oracle told him that the boy lives and would dethrone him (he’s VERY superstitious). He has been sending out soldiers to kill anyone harboring throwbacks and he has been training his son, Orm, to be a great fighter so he can defend his father and anyone who might claim the throne. He’s paranoid that the child he tried to dispose of will return and dethrone him.

So anyway. Arthur returns to Atlantis to try and convince the king to let him on as an advisor to the surface world. The king recognizes the blonde hair immediately but cannot react and give himself away. He tries to remove the squad by virtue of them being throwbacks but the people LOVE Aquaman and Aqualad, they are so excited about their visit that to avoid an uprising they are allowed to stay as guests.

They meet prince Orm during their stay. He's a little standoffish and not at all happy to see throw backs trying to get into the palace; his father had assured him that they were all dead, that throwbacks cannot survive into adulthood.

In an attempt to kill them off/make them leave and lose favor with Atlantis, the king starts making up increasingly dangerous tasks they must complete (like the trials of Hercules tbh) but of course Arthur is absolutely killing it! He’s having a great time and thinks this is very normal, but Mera, who is unfamiliar with Atlantis but very familiar with royal schemes, decides that something fishy (extra joke) is going on. She and Vulko investigate the events surrounding the queen’s suicide.

One of the “challenges” is for Arthur to fight Orm in a public arena. Orm gets his ass beat but Arthur, who had taken a liking to Orm, let’s him get a few punches in so he’s not embarrassed. Even after the fight he’s acting really buddy-buddy with him. Orm is confused and angry at being public ally defeated, but cannot help but think that Arthur is a really nice dude.

Once again, I’m imagining this taking a long time. It’s part monster fighting, part investigation, part hijinks in a new location, etc. They leave Atlantis occasionally to take on land-threats and visit Arthur's father. FINALLY, though, Mera figured it out; the queen didn’t kill herself. This is already long so I'm just going to say that she confronted her husband and he killed her to secure Orm's place on the throne.

The king has another very public venue in which to try to embarrass Aquaman. For example, having him fight some giant monster. But Arthur doesn’t like to kill innocent animals and he uses his telepathy to calm the beast down. Telepathy is not a common ability (and until now nobody had seen Arthur use it) but it’s also a mythical sign of the divine right of royalty in Atlantis. Only kings of yore have shown the ability, and even the late queen couldn’t manifest it. So ofc the king accuses Arthur of being some kind of freak or faking it. That’s when Mera, Garth, and Vulko come on the scene with their receipts: they’ve pieced together the king’s attempted murder of the baby, that Arthur is rightful heir to the throne, and that the king murdered the queen. The king initially claims they’re lying, but then they pull out the receipts and display them to the entire crowd. Enraged, he tries to kill Arthur and another fight ensues. Arthur manages to get the king pinned but refuses to kill him. The king takes this opportunity to break out from under the trident and flees the city. although soldiers pursue him it seems that he has completely disappeared. There is a bounty out for him, leaving the possibility of him returning as a major threat still in the air (extra joke).

Arthur is named king, as the oldest heir to the throne, to his absolute bewilderment. Orm is absolutely furious, as he thinks Arthur only came there to steal the throne from him, just like his father said he would. Arthur tries to explain that it wasn’t his intention, but Orm storms off and hides away in a wing of the castle. The squad lets him stay, but there’s animosity for sure.

Now that he is no longer in celebrity status, the people begin to poke holes in their love of the group; they did not have the full story (of them being throw backs) and now they're a bit suspicious about Garth and Mera, specifically (they don't realize she's not Atlantean, though you would think the flipper feet would give it away...) and there are some who loved the old king and want him back on the throne (conspiracy theorists essentially) Now that they aren't essentially there on vacation, they begin to notice how isolating it is in Altantis...and then we begin the more introspective plot lines, talking about feeling like an outsider and what it means to fit in!

Now Arthur has a new job, a reputation as a hero, and no idea what to do next!

Character's main traits/inspiration

Arthur: did NOT anticipate finding out he was a long lost king, he just wanted to learn about Atlantis! He's trying to balance being a hero, which he likes, being an adventurer, which he loves, and being a king which is...fine, I guess. This version will lean more into his Silver Age personality, which is my favorite, where he seems a little confused but excited about everything. Rather than try to sweep all the "uncool" things under the rug like some versions of Aquaman do, he's so genuine about his life that it's difficult to make fun of him. He is not actually that great at being a king, so luckily he has a lot of friends to help him.

Garth: he follows Arthur around like a lost puppy and is SO happy to be living in a place with real walls and a real bed. However, he still wants to know more about his parents and why records of him were destroyed... We are going back to the classic sidekick genre with him, something DC seems afraid to do. If DC also wanted to have the Titans, or the rest of the fab five be older, I could see him being significantly younger than the others but still part of the "first wave" of sidekicks so they're lumped together anyway. Like the Silver/Bronze age, he could visibly age during the run of the comic and be in his teenage years for any Titans-related plots DC wanted to run. I would be keeping his lost prince backstory, but that wouldn't come up for a very long time. I like the idea of having him age throughout the series, I think that's a very fun aspect of comics that has been lost. He would keep his post-crisis origins, but not learn about them for quite some time.

Mera: She never told Arthur the real reason she was exiled, and to be fair he didn't ask. She's excited to be in the political world of Atlantis and make changes for the better, something she couldn't do back home... I like the idea of Mera being from another world altogether, I think it adds to the overall theme of them being outsiders. She will be a combination of her very domestic original version and the feisty modern Mera. Since Mera doesn't have much of a personality usually (sorry girl) I'm going to make her very studious and politically minded. She LOVES politics and is passionate about making changes to help the everyday Atlanteans. She’s also worried about being sent back to her home dimension, so she tries to keep everyone pleased with her.

Vulko: the only one of the group who understands Atlantean customs. He is always so, so tired of shenanigans... Vulko is going to be a bit like Merlin, an advisor and advocate for Arthur taking the throne. and yes he WILL be old and he WILL be fat.

Orm: royally (extra joke) pissed about losing the throne, but conflicted about his father being Very Evil and hiding the existence of his brother/killing his mom. He mostly sulks and keeps to himself, making it unclear if he is friend or foe... I LOVE his Silver Age jealousy, but DC wants them to be related by their mother and I don't want to fight them on that. I actually prefer when Orm is at least partially human, but I don’t think I can have my cake and eat it too with the origins here, so he’s the biggest compromise tbh. I think Orm could be a shifty character, not outright evil but clearly angry about how things are going so he causes problems on purpose. But there's still the chance that he might sway to either side...

Manta: Honestly, he's the hardest one to introduce into the fray because he only recently started getting actual reasons to have beef with Arthur. Which I respect. Since Tom is going to be alive (for now) I think having Manta slowly develop a beef with Arthur that all comes to head by killing Arthur's father could be interesting. Or maybe Tom gets to live, and Manta does something equally terrible. It's unclear in my mind tbh. So! Manta is trying to develop his empire of piracy and Arthur, trying to win over the people of land and sea, starts really going after him. He sinks every single one of Manta's subs, thwarts every single plan, and is ruining Manta's reputation. He HATES Aquaman, and unfortunately Aquaman doesn't really know who he is or realize he's made an enemy... he would show up as a big threat in later comics, after Arthur has established himself in Atlantis

The former king: this could be Orvax, who was introduced in N52, but honestly if the writer wanted to make a new OC I wouldn’t mind. Orvax doesn’t have much in ways of background of personality because he only exists in flashbacks, but I know how sucky it is to just use the same name for a totally different character (looking at you, rebirth Garth!) so I’m just going to call him King for now. It would be interesting if he was corrupted like Orm in previous volumes into making a deal with an entity in exchange for power…perhaps even serving as a patron for Orm if he shifts to the dark side.

So. That's a quick rendition of my ideal Aquaman reboot. I think it s a fun combo of all the elements I've liked over the years without simply be a rehashing of the stories. Thoughts, opinions. etc?

[generational-atrophy]

Can you do headcanon about 2p russia with s/o with golden retriver energy?

2p! hetalia russia with a golden retriver s/o

0.8k words ~ gender neutral headcanons

tw: yuri is not a . perfect boyfriend

a/n: SORRY GUYS . i want to write more but my life is a continuous train wreck. im doing my best. i care about u all so much :sob:

- This dynamic would be a classic, a ray of sunshine and a ray of darkness. Except, I would say that no matter how upbeat you are, Yuri can bring you down.

- When you two first met, he was incredibly... rude. He saw how excitable you are, and his immediate reaction was to try to break that spirit by whatever means possible. Of course, he didn't do this just to be mean. He sees your kindness as a weakness.

- Yuri does not like weak people.

- But if you keep up that manic puppy energy despite his protests, he'll start to see it differently. Yes, you're overly caring, but you can't be brought down as easily as he's seen others fall.

- That's what got him interested at first. If you can withstand his incessant verbal abuses, then clearly you're stronger than he thought. So that gets him thinking, why? Now he's curious.

-  He wouldn't apologize for his past behaviour but would start trying to be nicer, at least. And as you warm up more to him, he warms up to you.

- Once he gets to know you, his attitude completely switches. Before, he would've smacked that dopey smile off your face in a heartbeat, but now, he'd do anything to protect it.

- Suddenly, it seems like everything in your life is going wrong in (admittedly minor) ways that only he can fix. Your sink doesn't work? Guess who was already in the neighbourhood. Yuri was, and every second he doesn't spend complaining about being used for free labour will be used for trying to suppress his stupid smile.

- He'd never let you see him be sensitive like that. Never when you're just friends, and only sometimes when you're dating. Sometimes it's like talking to a brick wall!

- If you try talking about your feelings towards him, he'll run in the other direction.

- It's unlikely that he'd confess first, but even so, he'd like to ask you out before you ask him! And if you try getting more emotional about it, he'll just try desperately to avoid you.

- He has the emotional intelligence of a potato and the social battery of a TV remote. So your endless positivity... freaks him the hell out.

- But if you two figure it out, he'd be a surprisingly ok boyfriend other than the fact that he won't accompany you to any social gathering.

- (If he does, he'll just be your weird scary dog that follows you around. He is not doing any socialising of his own and he is asking to leave before 6 pm to watch the news.)

- Yuri has quite a temper, but it's rarely directed towards you. He'll scream at the TV every day, but only scream at you once a month when he's drunk.

- He's weirdly patient when it comes to your feverish excitement. You bouncing around the house, singing songs, and generally acting like a fairy, can't even force his head out of his book.

- In fact, some of the only times he'll ever smile, is at your postivity. When he sees you nearly cry at a video of a puppy growing up, he chuckles to himself and acts like he just finds it childish. But really, he's gonna be thinking about that moment the rest of the day.

- Plus, he thinks it's pretty cute if you dress all bright too. You, with your loud summer clothing, versus his dollar store goth aesthetic, creates a picture that he likes a lot.

- If you ever got overly excited and broke anything, Yuri wouldn't be mad. He'll scold you like he would a child, but he's pretty excited to have something to fix.

- He does draw the line at indulging in your wild impulses. No, he won't take you nor let you go on a random cross-country road trip. That's how people get murdered, you know?

- Also, he'll always say no to buying you anything, but end up caving later. If you ask for a plushie, he'll tell you they're for children, but then you'll wake up to find that plushie in his place in bed.

- You make him soft. Not actually soft, but soft for Yuri.

- Because of that, you're not coming to anything that has people he knows. Then they'll see how... weak you make him! He has a reputation. Whenever you're in public, he immediately becomes very cruel and demanding because of this.

- He's a little embarrassed not just about how much control you have over him, but also because... you were never who he pictured spending his life with. He always wanted some traditional marriage with two depressed people who hate each other, but now he's HAPPY? Horrible.

- But you do make him feel young. Now he can't bear the thought of anything happening to you, so he's not gonna leave anytime soon.

- So, basically, GOLDEN RETRIEVER PARTNER. You can do better. But if you make it through all of his desperate attempts to keep everyone at arm’s length… it’ll be at least a little worth it.

[triptuckers]

just you and me - crosshair

Request: nope Pairing: crosshair x reader Summary: after crosshair flees the empire, he goes to the one place he thinks would be somewhat safe Warnings: spoilers for the bad batch s2e12!! language, angst, sadness, mentions of death Word count: 2.2KA/N: this weeks episode??? god damn that was good !! anyways someone needs to hug crosshair and I needed to write this, enjoy!

everything seems to be blurred together in a haze. for some reason, crosshair can't remember how he got away. he remembers bits and pieces of that night, but he feels like there's some details missing.

he remembers mayday. he remembers going into the caves with him, finding the raiders and fighting them. he remembers how he caused an explosion with a well aimed shot, getting rid of the raiders but also causing an avalanche.

crosshair remembers being buried in snow and then managing to pull himself out of it. he remembers struggling through the snow and pulling mayday out as well.

he fought to take mayday back to the outpost, so he could get help.

but upon arriving there, and telling the lieutenant that mayday needed a medic, the lieutenant turned him down. said they were both expendable. that crosshair needed to get back to work.

and something in crosshair snapped. the empire would always see them like that: expendable. merely tools in their big galaxy. nothing more than a number. no matter how many missions he completed, or how good he was at following orders.

in less than two seconds, crosshair had raised his blaster and shot the lieutenant in the chest. he hadn't thought much about the consequences. sure, he knew they probably wouldn't let him live after that.

but when he woke up in what seemed to be a medical facility, he realised they must have found some use for him. but he didn't intent to wait to find out exactly what that would be. he bolted.

but it's hard to navigate the galaxy when you don't have any resources. no food, clothes, money, ship. luckily crosshair has some skills when it comes to sneaking around.

he managed to sneak aboard a shuttle that took him as far away as ord mantell. that was all he really needed. the thought of going back to ord mantell was enough to keep him going.

even though he was exhausted, he managed to get to the planet without much trouble, and continued his journey on foot from the docks where the shuttle landed.

when a familiar building appears in the distance, crosshair feels such gratitude he'd be willing to drop to his knees right there in the middle of the street.

but he forces himself to keep going. he has no idea if he's even welcome, but it's all he's got right now. he has to give it a shot.

he stops in front of the door. all the lights are off. then again, it was late. he raises his hand to buzz the door.

no answer.

he buzzes again.

still no answer.

crosshair considers leaving and coming back tomorrow, at a decent time. but then he hears a voice.

'we're closed!'

he never thought he'd hear that voice again. apparently, you stuck around on ord mantell. even though you'd complained about it many times. he knew deep down you wouldn't leave this planet. you'd been here for so many years. you couldn't bear the thought of leaving and starting a shop from scratch, of settling down somewhere else.

crosshair buzzes again, to let you know he's still here.

'I said we're closed!' comes your voice from inside the building. 'shop opens again tomorrow at 8!'

just as crosshair wants to buzz the door again, it opens slightly.

'look, I said we're- crosshair?'

crosshair smiles slightly at the sight of you, and the sound of you saying his name. then he all but collapses into your arms. he faintly hears you calling his name before blacking out.

you stumble beneath his weight. you look outside, checking to see if no one noticed. the street is empty, so you awkwardly haul crosshair inside and lock the door.

it takes you a while to get crosshair to your bedroom, and you struggle even more with getting him on the bed. when you've finally succeeded in laying him down, you take in the sight of him.

he's still in his armour, but he seems to have lost his helmet. his rifle that was slung over his back is still in the hallway. you reach out and lay your hand on his cheek, which feels cold.

he must have been in quite the shape, but he still managed to get to your shop. you wonder why he's here. and how he got away from the empire. the last time you saw him, he was still with his brothers. you're still in contact with the rest of the bad batch, but you know they don't speak to crosshair anymore.

you have so many questions you want to ask him. but right now, you can tell he needs sleep. and possibly a decent meal as well.

you move closer to the bed and start to take off his armour, piece by piece. it's easy to remember how to do it. you used to do it a lot when he was still with his brothers. he would seek you out and you'd comfort him. crosshair would put up this defensive shield, but the more time he spent with you, the faster he would drop that shield whenever he was around you.

and you had enjoyed taking off his armour and just sitting with him, sharing a meal, watching a holo movie or just talking. most of the times, just being in each other's presence was enough to comfort the both of you.

when you finish taking off his armour and placing it on the small desk in your bedroom, you pull the blankets out from underneath him and tuck him in.

you hesitate briefly. then you lean in and press a kiss to his forehead.

'goodnight, crosshair.' you say.

it's hours later when crosshair wakes, and his head feels heavy. the light coming from the window is too bright, it hurts his eyes. he rolls over to his other side, and notices he isn't wearing any of his armour, just his blacks. he doesn't remember taking it off.

as he lays there, he thinks back to last night, trying to figure out how he got wherever he is right now.

he remembers being on a shuttle, getting to a planet. a familiar planet, where he thought he'd be safe. crosshair tries to remember what planet he'd feel safe. he can't think of any.

his head is throbbing. probably from his lack of sleep and food.

suddenly, he frowns. whose bed is he in? it's way nicer than any bed he's had in months. he opens his eyes despite the bright light, and sees his armour placed neatly on a desk. crosshair blinks a few times. he remembers that desk. and the sheets that cover his body.

so that's where he is. ord mantell. specifically, your place. why on earth would you let him in?

he slowly pushes himself up to a sitting position, rubbing his eyes. he needed to find something to get rid of that headache. he looks around the room, but you're not there.

crosshair gets up and walks to the doorway. he pokes his head around the corner and his eyes fall upon the familiar living room and kitchen of your small apartment.

'look who's finally up.' comes your voice from somewhere in the kitchen.

crosshair hesitantly walks towards the kitchen. you're rummaging around in there, getting out two cups. you pour caf in them and slide one of them over to crosshair.

you see him hesitate again.

'don't worry, it's not poisoned.' you say, chuckling.

you take your cup and walk over to sit at the table. crosshair takes his cup and sits down as well.

'you let me in.' he observes.

'I did.' you say.

'what if it was an ambush?'

'it wasn't an ambush.'

'but if it was?'

'if it was an ambush, you were pretty fucking convincing on the whole "passing out" thing.'

crosshair looks at you. he's so confused. 'why did you let me in?' he says.

'why wouldn't I?' you say.

'if it wasn't an ambush, I could have used you to find my brothers. or the girl, omega. I could have taken you with me to the empire. I could have just shot you right there. I could have done all of those things.' says crosshair. 'why did you let me in?'

'because it's you, cross.' you say.

there's something about you calling him cross that awakens something in crosshair. he remembers all those months spent together, before order 66 happened and he and his brothers went their separate ways.

the two of you are silent as you drink your caf. you've got thousands of questions you want to ask him. but you can tell he's been through a lot, so you let him finish his caf in silence.

after a while, you speak up.

'are you okay?'

it's such a simple question. yet no one has asked crosshair if he was okay for so long. he looks up at you, and sees the genuine worry in your eyes.

slowly, he shakes his head. you see his hand trembles as he grips his cup tighter. you reach out to him and gently take the cup out of his hand. you hold his hand in yours and look at him again.

'it's alright, crosshair. it's just you and me, no one else.' you say.

within the walls of your small apartment, crosshair lets his shield down and buries his head in your shoulder.

you hold him tighter and whisper soft words to him. crosshair squeezes his eyes shut, fighting the tears. but eventually they fall. his body shakes as you rub circles on his back.

'let it out, crosshair.' you say. 'there's no one here who will judge you.'

and so he does. he lets it all out. his grief over losing his brothers, his fear that he might have made the wrong choice and caused so many people harm, the regret that he continued to work for the empire for so long, and that it had taken him way too long to find his way back to you.

after a while, crosshair's body has stopped shaking. you pull away slightly to cup his face. he closes his eyes, and you know he doesn't want you to see his tears.

'crosshair.' you say softy. 'look at me.'

he does as you say. you smile at him.

'you don't ever have to go back to the empire again.' you say. 'I've learned how to stay off the empire's radar. I can help you. will you let me help you?'

crosshair nods, then lets his head fall to your shoulder again.

for a while, the two of you just sit there like that. you know crosshair needs this. you still have so many questions you want to ask him, but it can wait.

then crosshair mumbles something into your shoulder.

'what was that?' you say.

'he didn't even save mayday.' says crosshair.

'who's mayday?' you say.

'a clone commander. he was stationed at the outpost. I got him out of the snow and back to the outpost. I said the lieutenant needed to get a medic but he wouldn't. he wouldn't even get a fucking medic. said we were expandable.'

'shit, cross, I'm so sorry. none of you are expandable.'

'yeah, well, the empire doesn't give a shit about that.'

crosshair pulls away from you and wipes away his tears. 'are you still in contact with the others?'

'your brothers?' you say. 'occasionally. mostly when they need parts for the marauder. sometimes omega swings by when they're at cid's.'

'don't tell them I'm here.' say crosshair.

'you don't want them to know you're here?' you say.

crosshair shakes his head.

'alright. then I won't tell them. it'll just be you and me.' you say.

'I don't deserve you.' mumbles crosshair. 'I don't deserve any of this.'

you lean in and press a kiss to his forehead. 'yes, crosshair, you do.' you say. 'we all make mistakes. but in the end, you made the right decision. and you did that all by yourself. I'm proud of you for that.'

you pull him in for a hug, holding him close. 'I'm sorry you couldn't save mayday.' you say.

'I don't know what to do.' says crosshair softly.

you heart breaks at the sound of his voice. ever since you'd met crosshair. he was always the quiet one out of the brothers. never saying a lot, keeping his distance. it took a while for him to warm up to you. you know he's convinces he can do everything on his own. he doesn't really ask for help. the least you can do now, is help him in any way you can.

'we'll figure it out, crosshair.' you say. 'you can stay here as long as you'd like. we'll find a solution together. I'm just glad to have you back. I won't tell your brothers, or any of the others here on ord mantell. it'll just be the two of us. we'll figure this out, I promise.'

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rulesHere’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Max/Marit

[dawndelion-winery]

Yellow Roses

Hanging out with them (platonic)

Ft. Scaramouche, Kaveh, Venti

For @i23kazu 1.5k event!! It's super slay go check it out!

Scaramouche:

Sometimes you forget he isn't actually your older brother

But hey! Who can fault you for that?

He's quick to anger and argumentative, often deadpanning at you and flicking your forehead

But that's really the worst of his wrath towards you

And even that's negligible with how obviously he worries for you

Scara is someone who's known betrayal after betrayal coming from the people closest to him

He's never had a sibling he could bond with, the closest being the Raiden Shogun, who really behaved like anything but family

So it's no surprise he's reluctant to look up to others, but that doesn't mean you're the same as he is

You're free to idolise him all you want! He promises he'll take care of you, and your trust will never be betrayed

"Watch it!" Scara yells as he catches the back of your shirt before you go tumbling off the edge of a cliff. "Geez, idiot. You'd get yourself killed if I weren't here!"

Don't let his anger fool you. As you sheepishly apologise you add that you could only be that careless because you knew he'd have your back. You think he's about to scold you again, but instead, he looks sheepish himself.

"Yeah. I do. So don't even think about being so reckless unless I'm around, got it?"

Kaveh:

It's not hanging out with Kaveh if he doesn't complain about his roommate

But it's also not a hangout with Kaveh without the rule "you gotta kiss your homies goodnight and shi"

Being in his innermost circle means having an obligation to let him drench all your favourite shirts in his tears as the most mundane of things send him hurtling into despair

You think you can prepare for it?

Wrong. They're so infrequent that you'll almost forget he does it and then you'll say you brush your teeth a certain way which reminds him of his mom teaching him to brush his teeth and he's sobbing into your chest

Bro can't catch a break

Likewise you're free to torment him with your wails as well

You kind of have to or he'll feel bad about it so...just bully him about his hair or something trivial so he feels less burdened to be overly considerate of you

"Kaveh? You seem pretty down."

"I'm not. I'm fine."

"About as fine as your thinning hairline, sure."

You hear an offended gasp as he whips around with an accusatory finger jabbing at you. "You take that back!" He demands, immediately flaring up in defence, getting all huffy like a peacock preening itself as he digs into you in retaliation.

He does feel a little better after lashing out, and tends to lay on your shoulder as he finally caves and tells you what's been bothering him.

Venti:

You feel like he knows everything about you

And he probably does

He knows all your tells for all your emotions you may try to hide, and while he does respect your space, there's times he does everything he can to get under your skin because he knows bottling it up isn't healthy

He enjoys writing songs with you!

Doesn't matter if you're neither linguistically nor musically inclined, he insists on getting your input

Very attuned to your emotions and great at matching your energy

You're down to clown? Count him in! He's a few dastardly schemes he wouldn't mind letting you in on *wink wink*

Feeling down? That's just fine too, lay on his shoulder and tell him about it! He's more than willing to listen

Or even if you'd just like to sit in silence with him

"Wanna hear a tune, my friend?" He says with a mischievous grin.

You nod, curious to see what he'd drafted up. Except it's a ballad about raiding a rich tycoon's wine cellar. In great detail. He's obviously trying to hint at something.

"Venti, Master Diluc is going to slaughter us."

"Only if we get caught!" He insists, with a knavish giggle. And inevitably, you find that same mischief creeping onto your lips to turn it into a grin as wide as his own. You really did hope you wouldn't get caught this time...hopefully....

Taglist: @myluvkeiji @aqui-soba @favonius-captain @tiredsleep @raincxtter @gensimping-for-all @irethepotato @almond-adeptus @mx-kamisato @yuzuricebun @chaosinanutshell @heizours @haliyamori @callmemeelah @sadlonelybagel @plinkuro @thevictoriousmoon @mastering-procrastinating @missesclaus @cxlrose @miss-fantazmagoria @astrequa @kokomist @lemonswriting @eowinthetraveller @ajaxstar @boundedbyfate @the-lost-anime-dad @ash-astrophel @moonbyunniee @greyrain23 @heavenlyfloof

[chickenfics]

the way I love the ocean

Relationship: Robin Buckley x Female!Reader

Summary: It was the summer of ‘87. Nothing in your life had prepared you for Robin, but somehow everything had begun falling into place. It all started with a movie and a pair of ocean-blue eyes, and suddenly you were dancing to a Jukebox in a long-closed diner, or racing down the length of a pier, swimming in the moon-dipped lake and walking her home down yellow-lit streets, talking about the way The Smiths sound like indigo and the best time of the summer is when the fireflies start to come out.

It was the summer of ‘87, and you were falling in love.

Word Count: 7.3k

A/N: .........Hi. Okay so yes it's been six months I am so sorry for the wait. I will finish this fic, and the final chapter will not take another 6 months to get out, but I do still have to write it so bear with me <3 Thank you all for the support, I hope this chapter is at least a little worth the wait :]

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged for future chapters! (Only one more to go)

Fic Playlist!  Also on Ao3

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Chapter 7: Here I Go Again

“I’m telling you guys, he just like… doesn’t listen to what I’m saying. It doesn’t matter what it is -- I could tell him I’m heading to college tomorrow, bags already packed, and he’d still be fucking disappointed.”

Steve was stacking shelves with half of his focus and ranting with the other, hand waving through the air with an occasional VHS to add to his point. You were leaning back against the counter of Family Video, resting between Robin’s legs. She had her arms wrapped around your shoulders in a loose but heavy grip, and her chin sat on one of her arms. Steve would have been complaining that she wasn’t working if he wasn’t still reeling from an argument he'd had with his dad. 

“I’m sorry, Steve,” you said. 

“Yeah,” Robin chimed in, reaching up to lay a hand on the top of your head, tilting it this way and that like a monkey inspecting a coconut. “Parents suck.”

“Parents fucking suck,” he insisted, shoving the last VHS tape into its spot on the shelf. “I can’t wait to move out.”

“Take me with you,” Robin pleaded. Your heart immediately fluttered at the thought of moving into your own little home with Robin and Steve. 

“God, can you imagine,” you said, sliding your hands behind Robin’s knees and pulling her closer to you. “Actually having a place of our own…”

“Now hang on a minute, I said I can’t wait to move out -- who said anything about you bozos.”

“Steeeeeeve,” Robin whined, tilting her head so her cheek was smushed against your shoulder. She wrapped her arms further across your chest. “I thought we were best friends.”

“We are best friends -- that doesn’t mean I don’t need my own space.”

“So you can have a man cave,” she replied, voice rising an octave in that way that always meant she was making fun of him. 

“Really, Robin? You just--”

“Hey guys,” a sudden familiar voice called along with the chime of the bell as the door opened and Eddie burst through. “I brought the kid.” He spun halfway, pointing a finger at a teenager who was trailing behind him. 

“‘The kid.’ Really?” the boy deadpanned, giving Eddie an unamused look.

“Henderson!” Steve grinned, his mood immediately improving. He fidgeted like he was going to run over to him but instead leaned over the other side of the counter. Robin pulled her legs out of your grip to twist around. 

“What am I, chop liver?” Eddie demanded, shooting him a wink when the other man rolled his eyes before going to poke him in the ribs.

“Hey,” Robin greeted the kid. 

“Hey,” the kid, nodding his head at her, then his gaze quickly snapped to you peeking over her shoulder. “Holy shit,” he said with an endearing lisp. “Is this the…”

“Yep, this is my…”

“Hi,” you raised an awkward hand. 

“Holy shit, hi!” he perked up, grinning from ear to ear. The corners of his mouth curled into dimples, the skin around his eyes crinkling with the intensity of his smile. The decision that you liked this kid was instantaneous. 

He took a big step closer to the counter and reached a hand over it. 

“I’m Dustin, it’s nice to finally meet you,” he shot Robin an intentional look, then glanced back at you. You ducked around Robin to take his hand, smirking when he gave it a firm, business-like shake. 

“Nice to meet you too.”

“Why is this just now happening?” he demanded, glancing around the room. 

Steve gave a vague shrug, Eddie smirked slyly as he leaned onto Steve’s shoulder, and Robin said, “We’ve just been a little busy, that’s all.”

“Uh-huh,” Dustin said around another smaller grin, eyes twinkling as he looked back at you. “Awesome.”

“Henderson quit staring, you creep.”

“Wha-- I’m not staring--” He dodged as Steve suddenly lunged around the counter for him. The older boy dropped a hand onto the top of Dustin’s baseball cap and gave him a friendly shove before ducking away from the kid’s elbows. Eddie was watching them with his arms crossed and a love-drunk grin on his face that you knew he probably would have denied with his life if anyone dared to bring it up. 

“Oh my god, they’re adorable,” you whispered to Robin, turning to face her and draping your arms over her shoulders. Her eyelids fluttered half-closed as she smirked at you. 

“You’re adorable.”

“Shut up,” you tucked your nose behind her ear, inhaling the familiar scent of her shampoo. 

“Holy shit!” Dustin suddenly yelled, voice cracking. You lifted your head and Robin turned hers to find him staring at you. “You guys totally have to come skating with us on Friday.”

There was a chorus of “What? No,” “Skating, you guys are going skating?” and “I can’t skate -- I can barely even walk,” the last one belonging to the girl whose legs were wrapped around your hips. 

“Come on,” Dustin groaned, obviously lacking the patience required to deal with any answer but ‘yes.’ “Guys, it’ll be so fun. El wants to go before they all head back to California, so that means it would actually be really rude to say no. Besides," he added, waving a hand at you. "She can meet the rest of the party there. You guys can't just keep her all to yourselves forever." 

"Uh, last I checked she’s a free person," Robin said with mock pleasantness and her own eyebrow raised. 

"Alright, fine," Dustin replied, somehow sounding like a parent who was ending an argument he knew he could win. You couldn't help but wonder who this kid was. He was kind of great. "But my argument still stands." 

Then, horrifyingly, he looked to you, his lips curling into that adorable grin. 

"So, you wanna come skating this weekend?" 

"Uh," you hummed, glancing at Robin. She just stared back at you with what you thought might be an expression high on fondness. "Sure," you decided even though you weren't actually sure. "Why not?" 

"Robin might fall and crack her big head open," Steve said in answer to your rhetorical question. 

“Uh, for your information, I actually have an average-sized head, thank you very much.”

Eddie snorted.  

“I mean, if that’s okay,” you ignored the theatrics you were more than used to by now and looked at Robin. You didn’t want to pressure her into anything, and you also didn’t want to just waltz yourself right into her friend group if she didn’t want you to.  

But Robin smiled softly. Always soft, always sweet like springtime.

 “If you’re game,” she shrugged. “I’m game. You’ll just have to keep me from cracking my perfectly average-sized head head open,” she hooked her arms around your waist with a smirk. 

“Oh, you guys are so cute,” Dustin said, and you both turned around to find him grinning at you. 

“Shut up, nerd,” Robin said even though she was smiling too. She reached over to give him a little shove to keep up appearances. 

“So, six o’clock?” he looked expectantly around the room. 

“Yeah, sure,” Steve grumbled, and everyone else nodded in agreement. 

“Cool, cool…. So, I’m also gonna need a ride--”

“Oh, me too,” Robin raised a hand. 

“Oh my god!”

______________________________________________________________

The roller rink in Hawkins was, in almost every way, about as fancy as you’d expect. It was almost always empty during weekdays and crowded during weekends when kids had off school and parents were looking for a way to get them out of the house. It was dark, the floor was cracked in a few places, and the roller skates were likely older than all of you combined. You were pretty sure your parents had used the same skates you were using now, and as you carried the worn leather back to an equally worn cushioned seat just outside the skating area, you half expected a wheel to pop off or something. 

You’d arrived before the rest of the kids. You, Robin, and Dustin had all piled into Steve’s car earlier that evening. Dustin, taking the passenger seat, had ranted about the grade he’d gotten on his science project and how he was being “cheated for all I’m worth, Steve. Cheated.” Then he changed the tone by bragging about how well Suzie had done on her own project. 

“Suzie?” you asked, wondering if she was one of the kids you’d be meeting tonight. 

“Dustin’s girlfriend,” Robin teasingly provided. 

“Yeah,” Dustin said, grinning dreamily. “She’s great. She lives in Utah, though, so we made this whole radio system to communicate. Way easier than using a phone, and this way we know no one can listen in on our conversations.”

“Ew,” Steve muttered. 

“It’s not ‘ew,’ it’s romantic.”

“Sounds pretty ‘ew’ to me.”

“Oh, there it is,” Robin leaned between the seats to point at the turn in the road. “Pay attention, Steve.”

“I am, Jesus, would you sit back down?”

With a smirk, Robin flopped herself back into her seat. As Steve turned into the parking lot, Robin gave you a fond smile. It lit up her face like a spring morning, all sunshine and birdsong, and you felt something unbearably warm bloom between your ribs. 

Clambering out of Steve's car, you’d all rushed inside to get your skates, Dustin leading the way like he owned the place and chatting with the employees eagerly -- even when they were less than eager to talk to him. Steve had rolled his eyes about five times since getting inside, but there was a constant spark in them. You were pretty sure he loved this kid, and you were also sure that it made sense. Steve, at his very core, was loving -- even when he was trying very hard not to be. 

You and Robin had just sat down next to each other when a familiar puff of brown hair popped up in the crowd of pre-teens and parents who had already filled the building. When he caught sight of you, Eddie waved dramatically, and then he spun in a circle to herd a group of kids toward the front desk. Behind him, a large man in a floral shirt had his arm slung around a tiny woman in a beige jacket and following them was another group of kids. 

“Jesus, you guys weren’t kidding. How many children does Steve know?”

Robin looked at you and grinned. 

“Hey, oh my god!” Dustin called, hopping excitedly as two boys ran up to tackle him in a group hug. From the back of the crowd, another boy appeared and raced towards the pile, throwing his skinny arms around his friends. You watched them with a vague smile on your face. 

What happened next was chaos. Between the crowd of strangers and the crowd of children, you felt like you were drowning in faces as Dustin, Robin, and Steve all tried to introduce you at different times to different people. But after only a few moments, the group seemed to realize that there was a newcomer among them. 

“Everybody shut up!” Dustin shrilly yelled. 

“Dustin, Jesus Christ,” a dark-haired boy muttered, face scrunched in annoyance. 

“Okay,” Dustin said, ignoring him. “Everyone, this is Y/N. She’s Robin’s… friend. Y/N, this is Mike,” he pointed to the dark-haired boy, who gave you a grimace in place of a smile. “Lucas,” he pointed to the boy next to Mike, who smiled and nodded. “And Will.” Last in line, Will murmured a shy, “Nice to meet you.”

Then Dustin stretched up on his tip-toes to peer over the crowd. “Max! Eleven! Erica!” 

“Jesus, would you stop yelling,” Mike insisted, and Lucas laughed to himself. 

Three girls appeared out of the crowd, two of them looking like they were ready to kick someone’s ass. 

“What the hell do you want, nerd,” the smallest of them snarked. 

“I want to introduce you to someone, so could you be pleasant and or agreeable for once in your life? This is Y/N, she’s Robin’s friend.”

“Hi,” you offered, trying to seem as disarming as possible. “It’s nice to meet you.”

The girl narrowed her eyes at you. “Hi. I’m Erica,” she finally said, looking you up and down. 

“Hello,” the girl next to her said in a soft but clear voice. “I’m El. It is nice to meet you,” she held out a hand, and you took it with a gentle shake. She seemed sweet. 

“This is Max,” she said, tilting her shoulders to make room for a redhead who was eyeing you warily. 

“You’re Robin’s friend?” Max said, and you got the sense that this was some sort of test. 

“Yeah,” you replied simply, and the girl only nodded. 

“Alright,” Steve clapped his hands together. “Now that that’s done, everybody get your skates before they run out. Come on, chop-chop everybody, let’s go!”

You watched as Steve slipped into what Robin had warned you was “Mom Mode” as he herded all the kids towards the back of the room to pick up their skates. 

“Hi,” the small woman greeted you, stepping around the man in the colorful shirt. She smiled as she offered you her hand, and kindness radiated from every inch of her. “I’m Joyce, Will and El’s mom. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” you replied, instantly feeling comfortable. 

“I know things can be a little crazy around here,” she glanced around the roller rink. “But you let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you,” you said, feeling a bit of your mask chip away as you began to feel more at ease. Maybe meeting new people wasn’t as scary as you’d been led to believe your whole life. Maybe you’d just never met the right people. 

“Should we get this show on the road?” Robin said, appearing close to your side. 

“Let’s do it,” you murmured. “Just promise you won’t break any bones, okay?”

“‘Course not. You’re here to look after me, right?” she replied, voice sugar-sweet. All you could do was nod, your mouth opening uselessly. Robin shrugged as she backed towards the seat. “Then I’ll be fine.”

______________________________________________________________

“Keep your knees bent. Knees bent, Steve -- fucking Christ.”

“Shut up, Henderson,” Steve hollered back as best he could without toppling himself over. He looked like a baby deer on ice. You’d started calling him Bambi and he’d threatened to never drive you anywhere ever again. Robin laughed so hard she’d nearly fallen over, and you’d had to grab her under the armpits to stop her from hitting the deck. Then Steve laughed so hard he did fall over, and Dusin had to take several prolonged minutes to catch his breath and wipe the tears from his eyes when the whole ordeal was over. 

You grinned as you passed Steve, who squinted his eyes at you in a way that suggested if he didn’t have wheels strapped to his feet, you’d be in a headlock right about now. It also probably helped that you were the main reason Robin wasn’t on her ass. In her words, “I’ve got about as much coordination as a newborn giraffe. Probably less.” She hadn’t let go of your hand since you’d entered the rink, her knuckles white and her palm sweaty. It was probably one of the few places, you realized, where the two of you could hold hands like this without getting odd looks. Plenty of people were helping each other stay upright -- it hardly mattered that you and Robin were touching. 

It was nice. God, it was nice -- even when you were both sweaty, and the rink was crowded, and Robin looked like she was doing the monster mash trying to keep herself balanced. You giggled at the thought. 

“What?” she managed to look at you without tripping over her own feet. 

“You look adorable,” you murmured, leaning to bump your forehead on her shoulder because outright kissing her like you wanted to wouldn’t have gone down well. 

“You look adorable,” she shot back, wrinkling her nose with a grin. “Also, how are you so good at this?”

You shrugged. “I’ve got good balance.”

Risking life and limb, Robin skated closer until she was nearly pressed against your side. 

“My girlfriend’s multi-talented,” she whispered in your ear, wiggling her eyebrows when you looked up at her. You tried to keep yourself from burning up. 

“I have to pee,” you suddenly said. 

Robin looked at you for a moment, then glanced around. “I, uh, guess I should help you to the bathroom, right?”

“I mean… Peeing on wheels is dangerous business.”

Her eyes lit up with the realization followed by a mischievous smile, and then she was pulling you towards the rink’s exit, ignoring the other skaters as they dodged around you. 

“Hey,” you heard a familiar voice call. You tilted your heels and spun around. 

“Holy shit,” Robin muttered, grabbing onto your arm in alarm -- as if she’d be able to hold you up. No, the gesture was more like a commitment to going down with you. 

“So what, you guys’re just gonna leave me?” Steve yelled, and then his arms flew up as the effort of yelling nearly knocked him on his ass for the dozenth time that night. 

“Bathroom,” you yelled back, pointing towards the door in the corner of the large room. “Besides, Dustin’s taking great care of you.”

“Finally,” the kid announced. “Some of the respect I deserve. I like her,” he turned to Steve. “She’s way better than you.”

“Oh, oh really, okay,” Steve muttered, pulling a face before dodging sideways and trying to push Dustin over. The younger boy yelled, but he was grinning. You smiled after them, and when you turned to find Robin again, she was watching you, something soft and distinctly happy on her face. 

“So, uh… bathroom?” you murmured. 

“Oh, uh… yes. Bathroom,” she replied. 

It was more of an ordeal than you’d expected, getting inside the small room without being dismembered by the sink or beheaded by the stall doors. The slight slope in the floor was enough to make you unsteady, and Robin, her cheeks flushed red, looked like she was seriously considering the possibilities of an afterlife. But you managed, mostly by holding onto each other in a death grip. You were surprised neither of you had lost an eye by the time you determined that the bathroom was empty. 

And as soon as you did that, you found your back against the wall. Robin was holding onto the sink -- the only reason she’d been able to push you backward -- and she was smiling at your lips. With eyes half-lidded and breath coming in short puffs that moved the strands of her frizzy hair, she leaned forward and kissed you. Her lips were hot and soft, and they tasted like the chapstick you kept in your work apron. You hummed, wrapping an arm around her neck. 

“I,” she said, ducking back slightly. You opened your eyes to look into her soft blue ones. “I probably smell really bad right now. Like, a serious B.O. situation going on--”

You laughed, quickly shaking your head. 

“No, no -- you just… you smell like you. Good,” you clarified. “You smell good…” Inching your nose into her hair, you managed to convince her. 

“I’m so glad you exist,” she whispered against your cheek. “And that you’re, like, a goddess on skates, because otherwise I’m pretty sure I’d be dead by now.”

“Oof,” you winced, leaning back enough that you could smile, but not so far that your noses couldn’t touch. “‘A goddess?’ I don’t know…”

“I do. It’s definitely hot.”

You breathed out a small laugh, glancing at your feet, at the way Robin’s leg had braced against your thigh. You didn’t know what to say, so you lifted your hands to the waistband of her shorts, letting them play with the belt loops before sliding your fingers gently up her waist. 

Eyes wandering slowly across your face, she’d just opened her mouth when there was a sudden noise from outside the bathroom. Pushing off of you, Robin spun in a circle like a rabbit caught in a trap. Acting on instinct, you reached out and caught her with one hand while flipping on the sink with the other -- just in time for Joyce to round the corner. 

“Take it easy,” you said. “If the floor gets wet, we’re gonna have even bigger problems…” Laughing anxiously, you nodded toward the soap dispenser. 

“Oh… oh right,” realization flitted across her face and she reached around you to stick her hands under the stream of water. She was still unsteady, though, and you grabbed her waist with both hands, this time just to steady her. Turning over your shoulder, you glanced at Joyce. 

“You both are braver than me,” she said, smirking kindly. “Could never get me on a pair of those things. Not anymore…”

You smiled, the panic rushing out of your body. 

“Yeah, it’s… an acquired skill,” you managed. 

“I haven’t acquired it,” Robin added, and then she stiffened as she almost lost her balance again. Your hold on her waist kept her from falling. 

“Well, it seems like you’re both doing great,” Joyce said, smiling again before ducking into a stall. You let out a breath as you turned to glance at Robin. Nothing was said, but you both could see it in each other’s eyes, how close of a call that had been. Even though Joyce seemed nice, you didn’t want to take any chances. At the very least, you didn’t want to have to try and explain what you and Robin had between each other to anyone else. It was yours, and you wanted to keep it that way. 

“Ready?” you breathed, hand sliding around to the small of her back -- more of a comforting gesture than anything. Maybe for her, maybe for you. 

“Yeah,” she nodded, grabbing your hand. She gave it a squeeze and a little shake, and it made your insides feel just as good as when she kissed you. Everything Robin did made you feel loved. 

Which even included having to hold her tall frame up as you both wobbled your way out of the bathroom. 

“We're lucky no one’s lost an eye,” she said.

“I was just thinking that,” you laughed and held her hand tighter. 

“Heya,” a voice droned past you, and you looked up in time to see Eddie spin on his wheels and coast backward, two cans of soda in hand. “How’s it going, nerds?”

“This is what happens when he hangs out with Erica. He gets even more annoying than usual,” Robin explained, leaning into you so she didn’t have to yell over the music and clatter of skates. 

“Ouch?” Eddie announced, clutching a hand to his chest. 

“We’re good,” you said, ignoring Robin with a smirk. “Well, we almost died in the bathroom, but other than that.”

“Oh, the bathroom, eh? And of course, you needed a partner for that perilous journey…”

“Exactly.”

“Didn’t you hear the part about us almost dying?” Robin said, wobbling again. “If it wasn’t for her I’m pretty sure you’d have to wheel me out on a gurney.”

“Uh-huh,” Eddie squinted, but then he lifted his hands and shrugged. “As long as you’re being safe.”

“Shut up,” you grinned, rolling your eyes. 

A smile tugged at Eddie’s lips, and then he was whipping around and hooking his arm over your shoulder, holding the opened soda can up and out of the way enough that, when a few splashes escaped, they landed on the floor and not on you as he pulled you into him a planted a kiss on your cheek. 

“Take care of our girl, hot wheels,” he said, and then he was coasting away, lifting a can in parting without even looking back. 

“He’s such a dork.” Robin announced. 

“He’s a total sweetheart,” you replied. She looked over at you, then smiled. 

“Whaddya say, hot wheels. Should we hit the floor?”

“Well, let’s not hit it too hard.” 

Robin’s face scrunched with a grin and she nuzzled her adorably wrinkled nose into your ear before tugging you toward the rink. 

______________________________________________________________

“So, do you like, skate a lot?”

“Well, not a lot. I used to, when I was younger, but not as much anymore.”

“You’re pretty good at it.”

“Thanks,” you smiled softly. 

The redhead -- Max, you were pretty sure her name was -- had reluctantly worked her way over to you. Robin was in your line of sight, waving occasionally from the center where she and Steve were skating in smaller circles. Erica was with them, coaching them better than any gym teacher you’d ever seen and, even though they both made sure to very loudly voice their complaints, it was actually helping. Steve hadn’t fallen for a solid ten minutes now, and Robin was finally looking less like a falling tree. You thought maybe Erica seemed proud -- when she was sure neither Robin nor Steve was looking. 

You’d stayed on the outside, coasting leisurely while watching the people skating around you. In the crowd, you recognized friends and strangers alike, and people that fell somewhere between the two. You’d thought the kid had maybe been watching you, but you weren’t sure until she came racing by, hitting the brakes moments before sailing past you. Her first few sentences had been awkward -- stilted, like she hadn’t really decided that she wanted to do this but was doing it anyway. You tried to seem casual enough that she wouldn’t feel weird about it and found yourself letting out a breath when she relaxed into easy conversation. 

“You definitely seem to know what you’re doing,” you said. “Do you skate a lot?”

“I skateboard.”

“Oh, cool!” you grinned. “I don’t think I’d be very good.”

“It just takes practice. I was pretty shit at it when I first started,” she shrugged. Then, very hesitantly. “I don’t know, you seem pretty average on wheels. It probably wouldn’t take you long to pick it up.”

“Do you skate at that bank in the park?”

“Yeah,” another hesitation. She glanced at you. “I could teach you sometime if you wanted. I mean, I’m not a teacher or anything,” she added in a rush, icing out her fluster with indifference. “But I could show you the basics or whatever.”

“Really?” you grinned wider. “Yeah, okay. Cool.”

“Cool,” Max nodded. Then, with an almost surprised glance in your direction, she skated off, catching up with Lucas, who gave her a mock shove in the shoulder. She grabbed his shoulders and pretended to shake him before he ducked out of her grip. Someone grabbed onto your shoulder. You turned around and Robin was there.

“Holy shit, that was exceptional. She, like, has this whole thing going on where she likes to seem all tough and it makes her pretend she doesn’t like anyone even when she does.”

“I like her,” you said. Robin smiled. 

“Me too. She--”

“Robin!” Steve yelled from across the room, voice raising in both volume and octave as he flailed toward you.

She took a breath to yell something back -- probably “What are you yelling for so loud, dingus, can’t you use your inside voice” -- when Steve, half hunched over in a desperate attempt to not fall, pointed frantically toward the ceiling.

Robin’s eyebrows furrowed. “What--”

“Robin,” you gasped, grabbing her arm. 

“Would someone kindly tell me what on Earth is-- Oh my god!”

“ABBA!” Steve yelled. 

“ABBA,” she yelled back, grabbing your arm as Mamma Mia blared over the speakers. 

“You can’t not dance to ABBA, but I might genuinely die so hold onto me, okay?”

You laughed, readjusting your grip on her enough that she didn’t faceplant as she began to wiggle around.

“Mamma Mia,” she sang, spinning around so she could face you head-on. You gripped her hands tightly. 

“Here I go again--”

“Woah, careful!”

“My, my, how can I resist you.”

“Mamma Mia,” Steve joined, coasting by -- nearly crashing into the wall.

“Does it show again, just how much I missed you.” Steve circled behind you as the two of them sang. You couldn’t stop smiling if you tried.

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie muttered as he slowly skated by. “This is truly a sad sight to see.”

Very slyly, you shot him a look. Then, throwing an arm around Robin’s shoulder, you sang nearly as loud as her and Steve.

“Yes, I've been brokenhearted. Blue since the day we parted. Why, why did I ever let you go?”

“Not you too.”

You just kept on singing, much to the delight of Steve, who seemed to be especially enjoying Eddie’s misery at the choice of music.

“It’s a roller rink, man,” Steve argued, shrugging. He’d gotten pretty decent on the skates, much to Eddie’s dismay. Less ammo. “They’re gonna play disco music.”

“Whatever. Just focus on not breaking your neck, okay Harrington.”

"Oh my god, do you think they'll play Dancing Queen?" he asked Robin. 

"Eds, I can see the vein in your forehead popping."

"New girl, I need less of that and more--" he pulled a thinking face "--ehhh, emotional support. That's it." He hooked an arm around your neck. Robin had grabbed your hand. You hadn't noticed until now -- wondered if anyone else had. Didn't care. 

It surprised you, but it felt good. Your insides felt all indigo and warm air and flowers woven into a crown. The lights blinked in a meadow across the floor. You rested your hand on Eddie's arm and squeezed Robin's with the other. 

"I love you," Robin whispered, leaning closer. 

"Insufferable," Eddie said with a big roll of his eyes and a little tug of your shoulders. 

"Can you guys not hang off each other for like, five whole minutes?" a now familiar voice appeared just a moment before Dustin skated into view. 

"You know what, Henderson?" Eddie pushed off of you and slid over to grab Dustin by the shoulders. "I've always been impressed by how much gall you can pack into such a tiny body." 

"Ha ha." 

“Seriously, though, how do you not explode?”

“Hey.” Robin’s voice was close. You took a moment before you looked at her, shivering at the feeling of her words and the memory of her lips. Then you turned, buckling under the weight that she held in your mind -- entirely too much; perfectly enough. 

“Hey,” you replied, hushed, with a shy smile that you didn’t even think to control. Probably couldn’t, when it came to her. 

“You okay?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” you said. Then, “Well, almost.” You were getting tired, and your social battery had run out a while ago, and--

“It’s, like, really loud,” Robin said like she already knew everything you could ever tell her. Like she knew all the right ways to make it better. 

“Yeah,” you whispered, smiling. 

“You wanna get out of here?” she said -- dragged the words out slowly, glancing around, ocean blue eyes scanning the room before landing back on you. Always on you. 

How were you this lucky to be the one that she came back to? 

“Yeah,” you whispered, face aching. 

Robin was steadier than she’d been the entire night as she led you toward the carpet. Everyone else around you was a blur, blending into yellow and blue streaks of sound and light and all that was inconsequential. And in your hand, Robin’s had grown warm. And somehow that didn’t matter because all the people around you were just as inconsequential as the blur. Your hips brushed hers as you untied your laces with quietly hasty fingers. And that warmth that had been in your hand came radiating off of Robin’s body. You didn’t even need to lean into it, it permeated your whole atmosphere. 

The world felt so much smaller as you followed Robin to the booth at the back of the rink. The world felt just the right size. You left your skates on the counter, feeling unsteady now on your own two feet. But then Robin was there, always there, and her fingers were intertwining with yours, and you looked up at her and you knew without uncertainty that wherever you went in this life, however unsteady your feet grew, she’d always be there, and you’d always have just enough strength to find your way to her. 

The two of you had the whole world. 

And yet, it was sitting on a dumpster behind a run-down roller rink in nowhere Hawkins where you watched a sunset that felt too substantial to possibly be found anywhere else. 

“I like your friends.” You broke the silence that had started with “You want to get out of here?” and lasted long enough to watch the yellow sun bleed down into orange, and then pink, and then purple. The sky was indigo now. It felt like home draped over your heads -- like the world had made this millions of years ago just for you where you were now. Like it had been waiting all this time for you to find it. A million and nineteen-something years. 

“Oh.” Robin broke her own silence with a sigh. And with that, you were together -- a million and nineteen-something years in the making. “I’m glad,” she said. “I was irrationally afraid that you’d, like, totally hate them, or find out that they’re completely crazy and then decide you want to bail, or… something.” She chuckled nervously, her eyes finding yours, still reflecting the last bits of the sky’s color. 

The sunsets always lasted longer in Robin’s eyes. 

“There’s nothing,” you said like it was a full answer. Maybe it was. “There’s nothing that could ever make me want to bail, or… anything.”

You watched the tides of Robin’s eyes shift as she watched you -- ocean spray turning to dark waves and blue depths. And it was the same as the sound of crickets, far off from where you were now, away in the forest that had first held the two of you close, and it was the same as the buzz of the pavement settling under the indigo sky that held you now. Everywhere you went, there was something that knit you together. Here, outside a roller rink in nowhere Hawkins that was bursting at the seams with warmth and life and love, it was your lips. 

She didn’t always kiss you slowly, but when she did, it was often under the light of a sunset, or the beams of the moon, or the glow of pool lights settled just below the water. And when she did, you found it ineluctable in you to not reach forward and feel the reflections that had settled on her cheeks. She could make any sharp light soft. She made the roughness of your fingers feel alive and ancient until her freckles and your fingerprints became one and the same. 

“I’m glad you’re alive,” you said, eyelashes brushing her cheek. Robin smiled. 

“Right back at you, Earth girl,” she murmured. Reaching onto your lap, she sought out your hand and hooked your pinkies together. 

You took a deep breath. It was filled with the smell of asphalt and dirt and the berry shampoo in Robin’s hair. Pulling one leg up onto the dumpster and crossing it under the other, you leaned toward Robin until your temple rested on her shoulder. The sky was glowing, and the air smelled like summer. It felt like the whole world belonged to you -- like no one else was here. Like nothing else mattered beyond the connection between your pinkies. 

“‘M I interrupting something?”

Neither of you panicked at the familiar voice. Instead, you turned to find Eddie walking into the orbit of your world, his hands stuffed in his pockets and a soft smile on his face. 

“Don’t you usually,” Robin answered, lacking malice. 

“Hi, Eds,” you said because it felt right. 

“Mind if I sit?”

Robin shook her head a second before you did. Eddie hopped up next to her. 

“A dumpster. Romantic.”

“Said the guy who brought Steve that old sweatshirt like a cat dropping a dead bird on a porch.”

“Hey. That sweatshirt is a piece of Metallica history, Buckley, and you’ll show it some respect.”

“You’re such a dingus, dingus.”

“Yeah, yeah, tell me about it.”

The three of you sat in silence. Eddie knocked his knee against Robin’s. She knocked hers back. 

“Hey,” Steve rounded the corner. “What the hell are you guys doing, I’ve been looking for you for like twenty minutes,” he said, lacking malice. Almost soft. 

“Just admiring the sunset from this dumpster,” Eddie announced. 

“Looks to me like you’re third-wheeling, Munson.”

“What? Never.”

“Yeah, I, uh… think we’re pretty far beyond third wheeling in this relationship, Steve,” Robin said. “Or even fourth wheeling.”

“We’re a package deal,” Eddie added. “Like collectibles.”

“Collectables,” Steve narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, okay sure. Well, when you guys are done being weird, I’m ready to go.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow indignantly before hauling himself to his feet and sauntering over to Steve. 

“Don’t you have some infants to put to bed, Harrington?”

Steve pretended to bat him away before letting Eddie settle an arm around his neck. 

“No. They do have parents, in case you missed that.” Everyone knew that it didn’t really matter. Steve looked after them like they were his own. Always would. “Anyway, they’re all spending the night at Byers’ place as a going away party or something.”

“Well then,” Eddie pulled him closer. “Looks like we have Mama Steve all to ourselves.”

Robin blew some hair out of her face and clapped loudly. Grinning, you hid your face in her shoulder and kicked your legs. 

“Whatever, just don’t expect me to cook your dinner or do your laundry,” Steve muttered. Eddie shot forward to offer you and Robin each of his hands as you jumped off the dumpster. 

“Don’t you do that anyway?” Robin asked, crinkling her nose. 

“We love you, Steve,” you said, walking over to him -- he’d slowed down to let the three of you catch up -- and bumped your shoulder into his. 

“Yeah, I don’t wanna hear it,” he said, but you could hear the way he was fighting a smirk, and when he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, you knew that the sentiment had been returned. 

As the four of you made your way to Steve’s car, Robin skipped forward and grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers together. From the other side of the parking lot, the kids were all piling into Joyce and Hopper’s car. 

“There’s no way that’s safe,” she commented. 

“Clown car for sure,” Eddie said, taking a few exaggerated, floppy steps and honking an imaginary nose.”

“You’re the clown,” Steve muttered. 

Bathed in a dark blue glow like the backdrop on a stage, someone reached above the car and waved. Dustin, maybe. Probably Dustin. 

The four of you waved back. 

Robin didn’t let go of your hand. 

______________________________________________________________

No one was in the mood for swimming, but no one wanted to be inside either. Steve passed out a round of beers and then never got up to get any more. Unprompted, he said that his parents were supposed to be coming back in a few weeks. 

“Summer’s almost over,” he said, staring at the can in his lap. Little droplets of perspiration clung to his fingertips, slid down the dark, shiny aluminum. “Still, I thought they’d be away longer.” He shrugged lamely. “There’s still time.”

"It'll probably be weird, not being the only one living here again, huh?" Robin murmured. You leaned your cheek onto her thigh. The skin was soft and warm, and every breath you took smelled like Robin, chlorine, and the sweet summer night air. 

Steve looked up and glanced at Eddie, then at the two of you sitting across from him. 

“Haven’t really felt like I was the only one living here, though,” he said with another shrug, like he was trying to shut the conversation down before it got too far. 

All three of you knew what he meant. You didn’t need to say anything to know that you were thinking the same thing. Eddie and Robin and you, you’d all spent as much time here as you could -- almost as much time as Steve. There had been countless nights where he and Eddie had shared a bed, or all four of you had fallen asleep in a pile in the living room; nights where you and Robin had camped out on Steve’s bedroom floor, feeling like you were kids again having a sleepover, gossiping about what you were going to do during summer break or what you wanted to be when you grew up. 

But now you were grown up. High school was over forever; you all worked jobs, none of you had the aspirations nor the money for college, and you had no idea what lie for you beyond Hawkins. Sometimes you wondered if you even wanted to find out. Somehow you felt like no matter what you did, you’d always be a failure. In a lot of ways, you still felt like a kid sleeping on the floor of a friend’s bedroom with no worries bigger than what you were going to buy back-to-school shopping with your mom or which teachers you were going to get. 

You wished you could pretend that the summer nights on Steve’s floor would last forever like you used to when you were a kid. Nights that glowed softly with streetlamps from outside open windows and warm breezes and the sound of crickets had always felt like, if you squinted just enough, focused your mind just enough, they would never end. You’d always been able to convince yourself that you could freeze them right then and there and nothing would change. A perpetual summer of sleeping on a friend’s bedroom floor. But things had changed, and you’d gotten older, and now the world expected something from you. Something you didn’t feel ready to give. Something none of you felt ready to give. 

The world hadn’t given any of you a chance to be kids. Now, when it wanted you to be adults, you had no idea what to do. You were sinking. 

“I wish we could stay like this forever,” you whispered, picking at the fabric of your pants. They were a pair of Steve’s flannels. Somehow, none of you had thought to start keeping a change of clothes at his house, despite how long this had been going on. Or maybe you had thought of it, and the thought had been ignored. “I wish we could always be together like this.” 

The four of you taking on the world felt so much more bearable than facing it all by yourself. 

“Then… fuck it." Eddie's voice joined the night. "Why don’t we?” All three of you looked at him and, after a moment, he looked back. “Yeah. I mean, fuck it. We’re already failures, if you ask any respectable resident of Hawkins--” he pulled a face. “So, why shouldn’t we stick together? What’s stopping us?”

You felt Robin’s hand slide down your neck to the center of your shoulder blades. Her palm was warm, and her leg where your cheek was pressed was warm. 

“I mean,” Steve started, staring at the concrete but really looking somewhere far beyond it. “It’s not like I’ve got anything to lose besides you guys and a bunch of rugrats. King Steve is six feet under and turning fucking blue.”

“Yeah,” Robin said. You could feel her voice through her fingertips. “I never had much of a reputation anyway.”

In the silence, you all realized what was happening. A sort of pact made next to a glowing, mirror-surface pool, under a sky of dark indigo. Your only witnesses were the crickets and the stars and the echoing of a suburban neighborhood while everyone else was asleep. 

And nothing else was said about it, about Eddie’s fuck it or Steve’s I don’t have anything to lose besides you guys, but the silence allowed all four of you to understand, almost suddenly, that nights like these didn’t have to stop. Not for Steve’s parents, not for anybody. 

“Rent will be cheaper with four people,” Steve said, almost as an afterthought. 

And that was that.

______________________________________________________________

Taglist: @alonezz , @gaysludge, @gray-cheese, @rare-breed-of-human, @vea-vea-vea, @lady-silkwing, @im-a-milf, @yourmanifestingbigsister, @bubbles0oo, @wormm-mom

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review #30 – The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling

I honestly cannot remember when or how this book was first recommended to me, let alone who by, except that it was quite a while ago. Certainly I have zero clue who recommended it. So whatever details I might have known about this book were all long-since forgotten when I finally got around to picking it up – I came in knowing a) sci fi horror, b) caves and c) sapphic romance. With that (lack of) expectation-grounding going in, I found the book generally good but flawed and uneven, with an ending that tried to tonally swerve in a way that didn’t really work for me.

The story is claustrophobic from the world go. It follows Gyre, who has fabricated and edited her credentials to get the most lucrative caving job she’s ever seen. Entombed within a cutting-edge caving suit that turns her body into a closed system for the duration of the weeks-long expedition, she descends further and further into the dark with only her handler and employer Em for company. An employer whose exactly as suspicious as you’d expect from the setup, and might be just as deadly as the alien beasts who call the cave home.

So the book is spent entirely in Gyre’s head, with the literal only other character to appearas anything but a ghost being Em. With the exception of a tiny epilogue, it occurs entirely within the cave system Gyre is exploring. These are very restrained conditions to then write 400 pages of book within – the descriptions of stressful and technically difficult caving maneuvers all start to blend together after a while, with only the teased at mysteries of the cave really keeping things interesting. Everything outside the cave barely exists – the worldbuilding is functional, existing to get Gyre and Em where they are. It isn’t aspiring to anything else, and so I won’t judge it for failing at what it isn’t trying to dod.

The actual driver of the entire story – and for the vast majority it’s most compelling part – is Gyre and Em’s relationship. Specifically, Em being a fascinating mix of pathetic and monstrous in how she veers between latching onto Gyre and manipulating her towards her probably death, and Gyre seesawing between wanting to destroy Em and salt the ground she stood on for, well, everything, and desperately holding onto her for dear life as the literal only other human in her entire world, and someone she needs to rely on as her handler/mission control to have a chance of survival. It’s deeply tense, fucked up, and ambiguous and absolutely compelling – at least until the very final stretch. Tragically the genre constraints of romance kick in her, and by the end of the book Em is a wholly benevolent presence who has found closure and is now desperately trying to save Gyre from the stress/cave/fungal-infection induced madness. Boo and hiss. Much more interesting dynamic when she’s giving Gyre a double-dose of sedatives in her sleep ‘for her own good’ and wondering why this doesn’t make her any less paranoid.

There’s a turn towards a kind of heroic register at the end of the book that just didn’t work for me generally, honestly. It’s probably exemplified by the fact that Gyre actually confronts and kills the massive alien ‘tunneller’ that had been the source of this constant low-level looming horror throughout the entire book – something that’s not even really raised as a possibility at any point previously. It just felt cheap. Also, while I’m complaining about the ending – they really never dwelt on the fact that Gyre totally killed that guy, and besides that the mysteries of the cave just turn out to be very disappointingly mundane. With the sole exception of the tunneller the caves barely even feel alien. It’s all a bit of a missed opportunity.

It’s deeply unfortunate that the book was weakest as it ended, because up to then it was really a great read (if one that could probably been cut by a fifth or so without real loss). There’s one particular section where Gyre’s racing to get to a resupply point and grab a replacement battery before her suit locks up and turns off with her in it that was really a masterpiece of tense Man v. Nature writing – if you just cut it out and published it as it’s own short story, it’ d be an easy five stars.

Bonus points for at absolutely no point trying to redeem or lionize the idea of reconciling with Gyre’s shitty dad and deadbeat mom, though.

[1starqi]

Over The Moon

(Part 1: Chicken Scratch) (Part 2: Call On Silent) (Part 3: Easy Talking) (Part 5: No Messing Up) (Part 6: Can We Talk?) (Part 7: Goldilocks)

genre: fluff, college!au

pairing: student!mark x student!m/c ft. haechan

summary: you confer with your friends after your date

wc: ~700

note: your friends still aren't real people. i had a lot of fun writing this one, her friends remind me of mine in some instances which is fun to write. the flowers thing where he asks is also something my bf did which was cute to include

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I think I bombed my final, guys." Yunseul announces to your group of three.

“Seriously, what even was the final question? Prof. Park did not prepare us for that at all.” Euna says. You’re lucky, your final was three weeks ago—but the English Department’s was this week, hence why this was your first real hangout in over a month. ‘Ugh, I really can’t think about this right now.” Euna draws you back to reality. You’re on a snack run, walking to the closest convenience store on the brick-paved sidewalk. 

The chiming above the door issues your entrance. “On other things…” Euna drags out her words and you feel the soft cotton of her sleeve knock into your arm as she leans into you. She looks expectant, and so does Yunseul.

You already know what they want, “Nothing crazy happened.” You giggle. God, that was so lame, you think. You giggled. You know in the back of your mind that you’re going to tell them every detail as soon as you get back to your dorm.

“Come on, you can't tell us anything?” Yunseul pouts.

“I’ll tell you as soon as we get home, okay?” You can't stop the smile from spreading on your face. You’ve learned your lesson of gossiping in public.

“But it’s Mark! Obviously, we have to know. You can say something here if it’s not too crazy.” Euna adds. She’s dating Haechan, who’s friends with Mark. Since they’re on the same dance team, Euna figures that Haechan would know something and, because it is considered her best friend, would get told.

“It’s not that big a deal! We went on one date.” You cave, you’ve been seeking an opportunity to pour your heart out to them—and there’s almost no one in the convenience store, certainly no one your age. The soles of your shoes stick to the floor of the store as you walk.

“But he brought you flowers! That’s kind of a big deal. Do you think he knew tulips are your favorite?” Yunseul asks. These are all of the same questions you are asking. Something catches your eye in the store: the flower arrangements. Something about them makes you think about your date and it makes you giddy.

“Actually…” Euna pipes up to your right, “He asked me what flowers she likes.”

“And you didn’t tell us?!” Yunseul exclaims as she grabs a lemon-lime soda from the wall of big metal fridges.

“What?!” You and her are shocked in tandem.

“He did his research, I guess?” Euna says as if it doesn’t make your heart race that he cared enough, even before knowing you. You’re impressed.

“I’m jealous,” Yunseul complains and grabs a stack of Reeses—her favorite. As you approach the register you take stock of your purchase: junk food and some strawberries. The middle-aged cashier rings you up.

—

“Okay. Now, tell us everything. No skipping details.” Yunseul is propped up on Euna’s bed, kicking her feet in her pink flowered slippers absentmindedly. Euna is on the desk chair, her hand stuck in a can of sour cream-flavored Pringles.

“He was just easy to talk to, you know? I was like, staring off into the distance and he caught me, but it wasn’t awkward at all. I still can’t believe he called me! Oh, I didn’t tell you guys this, did I?” You ramble, and they’re looking at you expectantly. “He called me during Prof. Im’s class. I faked going to the bathroom to listen to the voicemail, and that’s how he asked me out.” 

Ding, ding, ding ding ding. You’re interrupted by Euna’s phone steadily pinging. “It’s Haechan. Oh my gosh, Sora.” She puts a hand to her mouth in surprise. Her eyes slowly meet with yours and you see her smile. She puts the screen of her pink-cased phone in your face and scrolls through a series of texts, going too fast for you to read anything. “It’s Haechan! He’s telling me that Mark is over the moon about your date.” 

“Seriously?” You feel the bubble of happiness swelling in your chest.

“Yeah, he was at practice telling Haechan about it, he’s nervous to text you.” Euna’s beaming at you, urging you to say something.

“I’ll text him when he’s done with practice. When is that, by the way?” You figured Euna would know because of Haechan and Mark’s shared schedule.

“17:00.”

[headfullof-ideas]

All right, i decided on a whim to share a rough reference i use in my head of what teenage Ant looks like. Depending on what story or AU I’m writing a teenage Ant for, his appearance changes, but for this one we’ll say it’s my ‘canon’ version of him. Rather, the teenage Ant I have in my head following my internal interpretation of the canon timeline as it takes forever for new seasons to come out, but that I make sure to update as we get new seasons. Also involving a lot of my headcanons for him, most of which explain certain things about either his appearance or mental health, cause our boy is TRAUMATIZED.

Ant is about sixteen to seventeen here, the typical age for teenage main heroes. Except he has already been through being the main hero and is a little sick of it. Or maybe a lot sick of it. A few years prior to where he is in the drawing, the prophecy ends. After defeating the Monumentials and saving the earth from what would have been a devastating rampage, Ant tried to pretend that everything was okay and normal for a while. You know, blocking all of his trauma and acting like nothing’s wrong as is the norm from teenage protagonists. After a while though, Ant realizes that his lifestyle was never really normal to begin with. Ant has a bit of a metal breakdown, not on par with the one Alpheus had or anything, but he has a meltdown when trying to go back to his normal life fails and he realizes he wants a break from everything. From all the families missions and all the adrenaline they experience on a weekly basis and all the danger he hasn’t realized he’s experienced for a majority of his childhood. Fontaine feels guilty for being so proud of her little brother wanting to do normal, not-submarine things, and so Ant starts his own little journey of doing things beyond the titanium hull of the Aronnax.

Now that I’ve gotten the mini bio, or whatever that was, done, time for the headcanons!

- Ant joined his sister in begging their parents to let them try land school, and ultimately Kaiko and Will caved, due to everything the family had just been through. Fontaine went straight to high school while Ant did a year of middle school due to age before moving to high school, with both kids using Kaiko’s maiden name at Ants request. This was because while Ant didn’t hate being a Nekton and was proud of his name, he didn’t want to attract any sort of attention at all. Fontaine wasn’t immediately thrilled by it, but didn’t complain either.

- Ant ended up growing his hair out a bit, and started wearing a beanie as well. He’d alternate how he wore his hair, sometimes keeping it back but usually having it in a sort of half-up half-down style. Mostly because he didn’t want to try to hard with his appearance, and wanted to try something a little different to what he used to wear all the time. (I usually draw adult Ant with longer hair too)

- Ant got his ears pierced when he was fifteen, deciding on a whim that he wanted to. Fontaine was the one who ultimately took him, leaping at the opportunity. He still wears his communicator all the time, but Fontaine convinced him to try a few other bracelets as well.

- After Ants meltdown, he decided to try and separate himself from most of his childhood as much as possible. Not necessarily in a negative way, but more in a manner of trying to find stuff outside of submarine life. Ant felt he didn’t have too many hobbies outside of anything that came in handy with working and living on a submarine, and so started trying out all sorts of activities to find other things he liked to do. This was another thing Fontaine was eager to jump on board with. He still goes out in the Shadow Knight, and he still loves swimming and working on the Aronnax with Kaiko, but he doesn’t spend nearly as much time doing these things as he did when he was younger.

- Another aspect about Ant trying to branch away from submarine life is his clothing. He didn’t wear casual clothes too much as a kid, almost always wearing a wetsuit. As an older teenager, Ant doesn’t wear his wetsuit too much anymore. He has one, and he does use it, but not nearly as often as a kid. He tries to focus on finding a style he likes, which Fontaine is also ecstatic about. Doesn’t always agree with what he picks out, but she’s super excited nonetheless

-As Ant gets older, he starts to develop some more of Kaiko’s features. Ant always felt, to me, like someone where you knew he was Kaiko and Wills kid, but you never saw any similarities until you put him right in between his parents. As Ant gets older though, he starts to lose baby fat and looks a little more discernibly like his parents, especially Kaiko whom he subtly looks more like in regard to facial structure. (Fontaine is, like, a perfect blend of her parents in my opinion. Ant somehow looks exactly like and nothing like either of his parents in the show)

- Ant starts to develop a bit of muscle as a teenager. He’s not Will, and never does get that muscular, but he’s a teenage boy and that sort of thing just tends to happen to teenage boys. He’s still fairly active as well, which helps. His hair also gets a bit thicker because of puberty, and a tiny bit wavy. Not enough to be actually noticeably though, at least until it gets humid out.

- Ant didn’t grow too much between the ages of twelve and fourteen, but then started shooting straight up at fifteen. Will jokes that it’s all the growth spurts he missed in his early teenage years hitting him all at once. This however leads to Ants usual perfect balance due to life on sea being royally screwed up as his center of balance continues to change makes him abnormally clumsy over the next few years until he stops growing so fast at eighteen/nineteen. Being so clumsy leads to a few accidents, like the one that gave him a scar in his eyebrow. Ant usually doesn’t tell people how he got the scar, cause it’s embarrassing to him after spending so long on the ocean. During a summer between school years, the Nektons were on the Aronnax, and Kaiko just gently tipped the Aronnax into a dive. Nothing Ant shouldn’t have been unable to adjust to with ease. Instead, he slid on the floor, lost his balance, and went tumbling down the hall and crashing into a random room with an unfortunate door open where he wound up twisting his ankle, breaking his nose, and cutting his eyebrow deep enough to scar.

- In line with the prior note, Ant has some scars from all the adventures his family has been on. Fontaine does as well, and these only drive home how desperately they want to experience some sort of normalcy, despite still loving their life on the Aronnax.

- Ants clothing style tends to reflect his mental state; how well he’s doing, if anything’s bothering him, that sort of thing.

I’m sure i have plenty other headcanons, but my brain’s struggling to focus on anything new, so here ya go.