#cause there's enough depressing shit going on right now

[mayrose713]

Beautifully Cruel World-Chapter 15

Series Masterlist | Previous | Next

ABO Non-Idol Stray Kids Universe Poly OT8 x Reader 18+ MDNI

Warnings in the Series Masterlist as well as any other information needed

A/N: Idk if anyone else's seasonal depression is hitting them harder at the moment but man is mine kicking my ass right now. But I finally managed to get this written so hopefully it isn't shit. I'm just happy to always get notifications of new people reading this and wanting me to still continue so I know my writing isn't completely trash at least. Enjoy!

Chapter 15

Jeongin and Hyunjin rush into the Omega’s room seeing her curled up to Seungmin before both of them jump on the bed.

“Wake up.” Jeongin says in a sing-song voice as he cuddles up to Y/n and Hyunjin puts his whole weight on Seungmin. 

“Get off you pabo.” Seungmin groans, pushing the older beta off of him, causing Hyunjin to land between Y/n and Seungmin.

“Innie.” Y/n groans. 

“What time is it anyways?” Seungmin leans over to look at his phone on the nightstand. “What’s got you guys up so early? Hyunjin is never up willingly before ten.”

“We’re doing our beach day today.” Jeongin beams looking at the two. “Felix and Jisung are waking Minho and Channie hyungs up right now.”

“Changbin just got back from the gym and is in the shower.” 

“You get to wear your new swimsuit. Ow.” Hyunjin glares at Seungmin who pinched  his side.

The omega blushes turning away from the two betas, not sure how to feel about wearing the swimsuit in front of all of them. 

“Jagiya.” Jeongin leans over Y/n, tilting his head to the side. “There’s no need to be embarrassed, it’s just us.”

“That’s exactly why she’s embarrassed.” Seungmin pushes the younger one over to lay back on the bed. “All of you are nothing but horny males.” 

“You say that as if you aren’t a horny male yourself.” Hyunjin tackles Seungmin to the floor and they start wrestling. 

Jeongin pulls the omega to his chest as they watch the two tumble with each other.

“What’s going on in here?” Felix’s eyes widen as he walks in with Chan. 

“Alright, break it up.” Chan bends down to separate the two beta’s but Hyunjin pounces on him. “So the pups wanna play huh?” Chan looks up at Hyunjin before flipping them over, pinning the younger male under him until Seungmin jumps him, tackling the alpha to the ground.

“You’re getting slow old man.”

Felix quickly joins Y/n and Jeongin on the bed taking notice of the glint in the youngest alpha’s eyes and takes the girl from him.

“Join them.” Felix nudges him, making Jeongin look at him unsure. “Go on, I’ve got our girl.”

Jeongin takes a second looking at both of the omegas before smiling and jumps off the bed onto his alpha’s back.

“Ah, Innie, claws.” Chan groans in pain.

“You like it when I claw you.” Jeongin huffs as Chan shrugs him off of his back before suddenly Hyunjin tackles the youngest. 

Changbin, Minho and Jisung step into the doorway to see what's going on, shaking their heads at the antics going on. It’s when Seungmin bites Chan that the alpha has enough and picks up the youngest beta.

“Put me down, old man.” Seungmin squirms.

“Who’s your alpha?”

“Fuck off, I’m not saying it.”

Minho and Changbin quickly grab the omegas off the bed just before Chan flings Seungmin on it, pinning him down.

“Yah, careful.” Minho shouts. 

“Sorry babies.” Chan turns to the two in the other two alpha’s arms.

“Bin, help me.” Seungmin tries to fight Chan’s hold on him.

“You got yourselves into this.” Changbin holds Y/n closer to his chest as Minho has Felix and Jisung leaning against him.

“You know how to get hyung to stop, just say it.” Jisungs smiles.

“Yeah pup, just say it.” Chan beams down at the beta. 

“Not happening.” Seungmin continues to struggle until both Hyunjin and Jeongin fling themselves at the alpha making them all roll off the other side of the bed. 

Y/n flinches at the thud heard from the three of them hitting the ground. She tries to move forward to maybe try and stop them but Changbin holds her in place.

“They’re okay, pretty girl.”

“Trust us kitten, it’s better not to get involved.” Minho holds Felix and Jisung close to them as they had tensed up too at the thud.

“How did this become you three against me?” Chan huffs as he stands with Jeongin locked in his arms and Hyunjin on his back. “I was only trying to separate two of you originally.”

“I couldn’t help but to join.” Jeongin tilts his head innocently. 

Chan lets go of the youngest before throwing Hyunjin off his back and onto the bed next to Seungmin.

“Who’s your alpha?”

Hyunjin looks up at him with an evil grin. “Jeongin.”

“Wrong answer.” Chan growls leaning down to bite the beta’s shoulder.

“And that’s our queue to leave.” Changbin turns Y/n away from the room, Minho doing the same with Jisung and Felix. 

“Does that happen a lot?” The omega asks as she’s led to the kitchen. 

“With them. Yeah.” Minho starts making an easy breakfast. “Innies still a new alpha so the pup likes to play, especially if it’s ‘challenging’ our alpha.”

“The betas just like ruffling some feathers.” Changbin laughs. “Occasionally Lixie and Ji do it too.”

Seungmin walks in smiling. “Hyunjins getting his ass handed to him by both alphas.” 

“He knew better.” Jisung shakes his head. 

“I don’t know why you’re so smug, pup.” Changbin grabs the beta’s arm. “You weren’t any better.”

Seungmin looks up at the older male and gulps.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Y/n stands hugging herself as she watches the boys all running around the beach getting umbrellas, towels and beach chairs set up. Hyunjin and Felix have already run out into the water ignoring Chan’s calls to put on sunscreen first. 

She manages to stay unnoticed for a while until all of them get in the water, playing and swimming. Well almost all of them. Minho sits in a beach chair watching her behind his sunglasses as she stands there watching her pack, still wearing her coverup over her swimsuit.

“Y/n.” She jumps when he calls her name and turns to look at him.

The alpha motions for her to join which she hesitates before walking over to the chair where he grabs her waist and pulls her onto his lap.

“Yeah?”

“You look uncomfortable.” He looks over her closely. “Talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that pretty little mind of yours.”

She manages to smile as he taps her head and she playfully pushes his hand away. 

“It’s just… I haven’t worn a swimsuit since I was a kid.” She whispers looking away from him back at the rest of the boys in the water.

“You’re safe with us kitten.” Minho turns her face to look back at him. “It’s just us here so you won’t be harassed like you would be being an omega at a public beach.” He cups her cheek and she leans into his touch. “Besides, you didn’t seem to feel that way the other night when you went skinny dipping with Lixie.”

“That was different.” She rolls her eyes and resituates herself on his lap causing him to grip her hips. “Felix is practically another omega, he’s comforting to be with. And it’s not like I see you with your shirt off joining the others.”

“I don’t like water.” He pinches her hip but then gets an idea. “How about this baby, you take your coverup off and quit being insecure and I’ll join you in getting in the water.”

Y/n looks at him in disbelief. “Did you really just tell me to quit being insecure?”

“Yes, I did.” He places a finger under her chin. “Because you are beautiful and there is nothing for you to be insecure about. We love you how you are.”

“Thanks Min.” She smiles down at him and his hands move to the bottom of her coverup.

“Can I take this off now?” 

The omega nods and he pulls the coverup off her and over her head. He takes in the swim shorts and tankini top she’s wearing as he caresses her sides. “My beautiful girl.”

“Wanna go get in the water now?”

“Let’s go kitten.” He lifts her off his lap placing her on the sand before he gets up, pulling his shirt off, grabbing her hand. 

He drags her along the beach towards the water but stops just where the sand is wet from the waves. The others take notice of this and Chan and Changbin move, Chan running, before picking Minho up and carrying him into the water. 

“Chan put me down.” 

“Are you sure you want that?” The older alpha asks as he walks them deeper into the water.

“Binnie.” Y/n squeals as Changbin picks her up and follows the other two alphas. 

Chan drops Minho into the water causing the male to freak out a little and Y/n holds onto Changbin scared he’ll drop her in the water too.

“Relax, pretty girl.” He kisses her head. “I’m not letting go unless you ask me to.”

The omega relaxes in his arms as they walk deeper into the water. Once the water reaches up to their chests she readjust herself, wrapping her legs around his waist and arms around his neck as he holds her thighs. 

“Hi angel.” Jisung comes up to the two, happy to see her in the water.

“Wanna learn to swim princess?” Hyunjin swims over with Felix.

“Umm...” Y/n looks around at everyone.

Jeongin and Seungmin have joined Chan and Minho now. Chan holding the other alpha while the two pups are splashing them.

“I promise that none of us will let you drown.” Changbin squeezed her a little.

“Yeah, Channie, Hyun and I are all really good swimmers.” Felix reassures his fellow omega. “We’ll teach you properly. And you have all eight of us watching over you and will save you if you need it.”

“Seven.” Hyunjin corrects him as he looks over at Minho who's clinging onto their pack alpha. “Min won’t be saving anyone in the water.”

“I’ll go get one of the floaty rings for him.” Jisung starts to head back to shore.

“Get both so Y/n can have one too.” Changbin calls out before looking at said girl again. “So what do you say Y/nnie? Will you let us teach you?”

“I guess.”

Felix, Chan and Hyunjin made work on teaching Y/n how to swim, and also attempting to teach Minho, again. The other four were always close by in case she needed to cling on to one of them. Which it wasn’t until late evening when she finally stopped latching on to one of the boys or the floaty and actually swam a little by herself. It was only a few feet between Hyunjin and Felix but she did it without clinging onto Chan who stayed next to her the whole time, just in case she needed him.

“That was great, babygirl.” Chan praises once Felix grabs her into his arms. “Now go back to Jinnie.”

Felix helps push her towards the beta and she swims, more like doggy paddles, to Hyunjin who continues to back away a little so she has to swim farther but eventually lets her catch him when he notices her start to panic a little and almost grabs onto Chan again.

“Good job princess.” Hyunjin holds her close. “When we get back home we should do a pool day at least once a week so you can get better.”

“Don’t expect me to partake in those lessons.” Minho calls out from where he rests on the floaty, Jisung also somewhat laying on it.

“Hyung, you have to learn to swim eventually.” Jeongin pokes the alpha.

“I don’t have to do anything, pup.”

______________________________________________________________

Taglist will be close for now as I'm not able to tag more people for some reason

Tag list: @pixie0627 @sinfulfic @estella-novella @mbioooo0000 @ms-flowergirl

@blindspot143 @ihrtlix @arishoriasims @fic-for-readers @motheraiya55

@hwangrfrnd @lxvxchxrlxttxbxrsx22-blog @juskz @borahae-reads @dreamerwasfound

@galaxy4489 @kayleefriedchicken @lostgirlinthewoodss @catkight @royal-shinigami

@notevenheretbh1 @passionandsuga @m00njinnie @sukss @n1nme4r

@blueberrydish @xxeiraxx @ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal @aalexyuuuhm @kaleigh-2002

@btskzfav @hyunmikim @ot8girlfie @sillygoosegoose @tr0p1cal

@eastjonowhere @hime-honne @furfoxsake22 @luvlino23 @iknow-uknow-leeknow

@im-sinking-in-mud @fiest4plum @forevermoremagcon @comicnerd557 @nchhuhi

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@mo0n13 @yumuramma @nuggiesnuggetdog04 @idkwhoisthis1971 @violet-hatake

[gaylightisminetocommand]

.

[trappednyourheart]

The wrong DNA test

( what if, Sheila wasn't really Jason's mother? The system is already corrupted, then what about the test?).

A huge brawl containing every rogue had started at the time of Halloween, causing the people from downtown to fled there home's as joker had clownized the whole neighborhood with his goon's.

Every bats had taken to groups to take out the three parts of Gotham's as the rogue's had started to make alliances, some had lasted quite long while had conflicts, and causing a big damage to Arkham asylum,

It didn't take long before they captured all of them, none of the bats questions as they observed Jason glowing green eyes starting to flick, they thought it was the pit again, growing wary of the cooperation, but Crime alley was involved and that mean business to Red hood's turf.

Catherine todd love her son as her own even if not biological, Jason knew that. But her thing with drugs couldn't make her stop.

Sometimes after that, they could hear Jason humming a tune,a nice melody from Damian's statement saying that Jason muttered to him “ lullaby” as Jason continued to read his book, maybe it could be from Catherine,

they knew how Jason's past with Catherine todd, his mom even if not related, Catherine loves her son like her own kid but her doing drugs and... overdosing couldn't be stop.

Maybe Jason just remembered his mother maybe reminiscing atleast something familiar...even if it was a bad time.

Jason had constantly have been hearing a woman's? Man's? Voice, singing him a lullaby...it soothing, like as if he known and loved this melody...and that's where the dreams kept coming, there was a person, giving him kisses, Talkin to him stories, singing him lullabies and soothing him, he could dream that he was actually a baby, a baby from a normal couple, well don't count the luxurious baby room.

Jason had took out a conspiracies why he was getting this dreams, ( he swears he's not becoming Tim) and voices, maybe like a misshapen memories from the pits of victims? No it's to peaceful for that, maybe magic? He already contacted Constantine but surely hang up after knowing who it was-

Just how is he getting this dreams? Unless it wasn't.... So he proved again his point, he started a DNA test, again but none had records...of Sheila being his biological mother...that was weird, last time he had a test was from the time as robin..and before his-

So he went to that hospital who had said where Sheila had given birth to him, and most of shock is that no one knows a mother giving birth named Sheila haywood but had a document of a baby, of one Jason jay nightingale, the most believing part was that it's the same day he was born in.

His mother, Daniel F. Nightingale was said to be trans as the doctor who help his mother safely delivered him, And saying that his mother loved him,

one Sheila Haywood had the constant trick to get him and taken him as his own, because his mother's family was a wealthy one they practically sold him to her.

Jason had thought that maybe his mother's family never wanted him to have a son with a man from Gotham's crime alley.

Meanwhile Danny had just been YEETED to the DC universe before the start of Batman's justice thing and had been adopted by a very wealthy fruit loops couple as there kid, so he stayed as the couples daughter even pretending, because he owed ghost writer a favor for the last time, and as DC universe exist so it's story, and one thing for sure the child he had to give birth in this universe has a very complicated fate,

he did the one night stand from his supposed friend Willis Todd? He had to befriend him as Dalia F. nightingale the supposed Wealthy daughter who fell in love with a peasant trope, and gotten pregnant making it a scandal, and reaching to his ‘parents’ circle and getting that drama.

But he never thought he would care for his child, his little jay, his ghost side would purr in delight when they held Jason, he was a very hard sucker especially from his pacifier or his breast, it's so weird being in a women body,

but the way his ‘parents’ sold his son to the women who was supposed to get his son killed and being revived by cheap parody ass of ectoplasm.

He went feral, he had an argument to his ‘parents’ but all fell deaf ears, he couldn't find his son in one of the hotels nearby where that BXtch was.

And that time was where his part of the script was fulfilled, ghost writer already took him, both sides of his, were angry.

He. will. get. his. baby. back.

[medicinemane]

As always, if you wonder why I don't talk about certain current events but do others, a lot of it comes down to whether I think it's something that other people are talking about a lot

If it's something where I figure you're going to be well informed and need a break, I tend to keep it to a minimum on here cause you already know

If it's something I rarely see talked about, then I'm more likely to mention it

World's bad, we're all doing what we can, I know people have said to me before they appreciate me more keeping to cats and frogs and random stuff, so I mostly try to do that, but... in the end I just kinda share whatever my brain decides to share

Want to give my thought process though

[savage-rhi]

I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.

[raeathnos]

.

[cosmiicfairy]

.

[floral-hex]

real sad boy hours

[cherry-hulu]

— NDA

Synopsis: Face planted in the sheets. Mingyu thrusting roughly behind you, constantly hitting that oh so sweet spot. Post concert depression who?

Warnings: Idol!KMG x Fem carat!reader, post concert sex, unprotected sex, underskirt, blow job, face, fucking, pet names (princess, baby, good girl), belly bulge, throat bulge, size kink, lmk if I missed anything

When a staff came up to you, pulling you to the corner and asking you about what you'd think about a special backstage meeting. You definitely did not thought that it would come to this. You didn't even expect to be invited. All you knew was that you and Mingyu have been meeting eyes all throughout the concert and that your tummy could definitely be mistaken for a butterfly conservatory with how wild it was in there.

And now it feels like your guts were being rearranged to accommodate Mingyu's size. Creating an indentation of his cock, carving his own— not so little— space within you.

It all happened so quickly. One moment he was pulling you aside and the second he was pushing you up against the door, body to body, skin to skin, having an aggressive make out session. Nothing about it was gentle. Eager masked by aggression motivated each movement done to each other.

You gasped as he kisses down your neck, down to your cleavage while sliding down the sleeves of your pretty blouse alongside your bra. With one hand, and lips attached to your skin, your mounds were exposed to him in no second. He'd done this a hundred times— more than enough to know that he doesn't have that much time.

So he rushes. Picking you up, your legs wrap around his waist in instict causing your clothed cunt to slightly rub on his abs causing both of you to moan.

Mingyu lays you down on the couch as he takes his shirt off before diving back into your chest. You moan as your hands touch all over him. Feeling his skin, his muscles, his biceps as he grinds on you. With your skirt lifted slightly up, his hard on slots perfectly between your clothed cunt causing both of you to moan during the kiss.

You palm him, holding his heavy cock in your hands before kneeling in front of him and pushing his pants and boxers down to reveal him. Standing proudly and sticking against his stomach, tip red and angry with sploches of pre-cum. With no hesitation you take him in, eyes keeping contact with his— just like how you were during the concert.

"Fuck. There you are again with those damn eyes." Mingyu mutters as he grabs the back of your head patting it down. "Such a good girl, getting on her knees for me without command. You really want me that bad huh? Enjoy me princess, not alot of people get this chance." As he watches you take his cock.

You do it slowly as to enjoy the moment and also because it would be impossible to take him in one go. And Mingyu was so obsessed with you. His hands wrapped around your throat feeling the bulge caused by him, small tears running down your eyes as you look up at him with doe eyes. "Fucking perfect."

Slowly you start to move, bobbing your head forwards and backwards. You had a slow pace, adjusting to his size careful on not going too hard incase you might choke. It didn't took long before Mingyu grabbed your head and started facefucking you instead.

Throwing his head back, your cunt throbbed even more, a visible and prominent wet patch on your panties as you saw him. The hand on your back, the weight of his cock in your mouth, his thrusting motions. It was all so hot.

He thinks the same as he looked back down at you, looking up at him with eyes big, mouth wide open stretched around his cock. "Shit baby you're so fucking hot." He mutters before pulling out. Cock immediately standing back up against his stomach. He was rock hard.

"Wan' more please.." You whimper straightening your posture as you look up at him more, pouting. "You'll get more princess don't worry, but right now I want nothing more than your pussy." He says as he lays you back down, bending your knees and lifting your skirt up slightly giving him a perfect view of your clothed cunt.

Due to the hot weather in South Korea, you opted to just wear panties out and decided to just be more careful with your movements. "What a slut, walking around with no safety shorts on? Jumping at my concert, while giving me those eyes? You were just waiting to be fucked weren't you?" Mingyu says as he pulls back the middle of your panties before letting it snap back and rubbing on the wet spot right after.

He lifts the panties off you immediately revealing your throbbing pretty pussy. "Pretty and pink, perfect princess." While rubbing your bud.

Coming near you, you spread your legs immediately accommodating his size. Mingyu slaps his fat cock on your pussy a couple of times, teasing the tip on your entrance before slowly pushing in.

It felt so surreal, he was stretching you so much. Immediately, your upper half lifted off the couch, mouth hanged wide open as he eases into you. His hand wraps around the whole circumference of your waist making him harder "So small baby."

Propping your legs on his shoulder after easing himself in. He started off slowly before gradually speeding up as be remembers the limited time. It didn't took long before the room was echoing with the sound of skin slapping and your load moans and whimpers that just gets Mingyu to fuck you harder each time.

"S.. S.. So.. B.. Big.. M.. M.. Min.. G.. Gyu," While he fucks you relentlessly. He rubs the bulge on your stomach as he chuckes lightly "Weren't you just talking relentlessly earlier? Where'd that go?"

He flips you around—penis still lodged in you—now face planted into the couch as he fucks and reached you deeper and harder. The furniture now moving inch by inch away from it's original position. His hand rests on your back, while his other hand lifts your skirt up and spanks your ass loving the way it turns red.

"I.. I'm cl.. close," You whimper. "Me too baby, me too." Mingyu responds as he fucks you harder than possible. A few more thrusts and you were creaming all over him creating a white ream in between your connection. One more hard thrust before he pulls out and cums all over your back, jacking off lightly to ride his high.

Resting his fat cock on atop of your but, he kisses your back lightly as he whispers you praises and affirmations. "Did so good baby, 'm so proud of you."

Mingyu turns your around and sees your fucked up state. Kissing your forehead, he spreads your legs around him once again startling you as your eyes open wide. He starts to go down your body as he looks up at you witha smug look on his face. "What? I'm just getting you your moneys worth."

[thatone-girly]

PRETTY GIRL

Summary: Six months postpartum and Cleo is still insecure about herself. Terry has had enough.

Terry Richmond x Black!OC

18+ Content! || porn with little to no plot, married couple, slight daddy kink, p in v, mentions of postpartum depression, mentions of insecurity

Cleo gasped, the faint sound getting caught in her throat as her nails dug into the meaty flesh of Terry’s arms. Her toes curled tightly as the tremble in her thighs intensified. The constant jabbing and stimulation of her g-spot due to Terry’s deep, digging strokes sent intoxicating waves of pleasure through her body, leaving her looking fucked-out and dick drunk.

Another whine left her swollen, parted lips, eyes rolling back in her head as her knees came together in an attempt to slow Terry’s mid-paced strokes. “Mm-mm…”, he hummed, his right hand moving to smack her thigh. “Open them legs. Let me see that pretty ass pussy.”

He didn’t give her much of a chance to follow his commands before he hooked his huge hands around the back of her knees and pushed them up to her chest. His gaze stayed fixed on her creaming tightness, watching the milky white ring she left grow thinker and larger. “She so pretty…”, he mumbled, “just like you.”

His plump, pink lips wedged between his pearly white teeth as his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. “Look at her.”, he took his right hand off her thigh and cupped his hand around he jaw, forcing her to look at their connected parts. “Look how she’s creamin’ around me.”

Cleo blinked to clear her hazy vision, focusing in on his length moving in and out of her with ease. Seeing first hand the sticky mess she was making made her even wetter, causing her nails to dig deeper into Terry’s arms. “Terryyy…”, Cleo whined, her eyes fluttering closed as her head fell back against the sheets.

Terry, whose hand had moved from her jaw to around her neck, hummed in response. “What’s the matter, mama?”

Breath partially taken from his firm grip on her neck, Cleo released a choked moan as the tremble in her legs intensified. “Talk to me, baby”, Terry mumbled, his grip tightening softly, “tell daddy what’s wrong.”

Cleo whined in response, her walls tightening around him as her toes curled tightly in the air, “y-you’re so deep, baby.”

A cocky grin spread across his face, his bottom lip moving to rest between his teeth once more. He told her this would happen. He told her all it would take was just one more time for him to catch her looking at herself negatively in the mirror, one more time to catch her starving herself to lose weight, one more time for her to talk down on herself. One more time and he was going to do something about it.

He made it clear from the first time she made a comment about her postpartum body that he would not tolerate his wife being insecure about the body that carried their child. But for a while, he did. He knew postpartum depression was a bitch, and he saw it take its ugly toll on Cleo. He hated seeing her so upset about the changes her body had gone through bringing their baby girl into the world, and quite frankly, he didn’t understand. Hell, he loved it.

He loved everything. The way her hair grew, the way her skin became glass, the way stretch marks were visible on her thighs, ass, and stomach. The way her chest grew, hips expanded, and her ass got fatter? Oh, you know he was loving that. He couldn’t understand why she didn’t love it. Honestly, he didn’t want to. One too many negative comments about herself and he had had enough.

He told her the next time she said something negative about herself, he’d fuck the shit out of her. If he couldn’t talk her into feeling beautiful, he would fuck her into feeling beautiful. He made it clear that he would go so deep inside of her that she wouldn’t even remember what she was insecure about.

And she didn’t. She barely even remembered her name right now.

His name seemed to be the only thing she remembered, because in the moment, it was the only thing she could manage to say. Beside the occasional whines, whimpers, and cries, the only thing leaving her mouth was Terry’s name. But that wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

“Look at me.”, he commanded, his deep green eyes burning into her face. Cleo peeled her eyes open, locking eyes with her husband. They held intense eye contact, the effects over their intimate dance causing butterflies to swarm in Cleo’s stomach. “Tell me what I wanna hear.”

Cleo didn’t have to ask what it was he wanted her to say. He’d been saying it to her since the day they met, and after she had the baby, he said it ten times more. Now he wanted her to say it.

But Cleo didn’t want to say it. She didn’t think it was true.

Noticing her eyes starting to close, Terry smacked her thigh with his free hand while putting more pressure on her throat with the other. “Don’t look away from me, Cleo.”

Cleo yelped at the harsh contact his large hand made to her thigh as her eyes shot open. “Tell me what I wanna hear.”, he repeated, his hips moving in ways that damn near made it impossible for Cleo to keep her eyes open, let alone talk. “Come on, baby…say it for me.”

Despite his pussy-wetting words and leg shaking strokes, Cleo still refused to say it.

Terry said nothing. Instead, he began to retreat from her walls and let go of her neck. Whining from the feel of his exit, Cleo hurriedly reached out to grab his arm. “No, don’t stop! Please, don’t stop, it feels so good!”

At her pleading words, Terry slowly pushed back inside of her. “Well stop playing and tell me what I wanna hear.”

Gasping as he stretched her again, Cleo’s back arched off of the bed as he inched closer and closer to that sweet spot of hers. She knew him and she knew how petty he was. He was purposely avoiding hitting her spot until she said what he wanted her to say.

Burying his head in her neck, Terry peppered kisses along her neck as he mumbled, “Come on, mama. Let me hear you say it.”

Whining as her walls contracted around him, Cleo mumbled, “I’m beautiful.”

“What you say?”, Terry mumbled as his lips pressed repeatedly against the sweet spot on her neck. “I ain’t hear you.”

Cursing under her breath, Cleo fought not to lose her damn mind as she draped an arm over Terry’s neck and both voluntarily and involuntarily raked her nails over his shoulder blade. “I’m beautiful…”, she repeated in her whining tone, her free hand reaching up beside her head to grip the plush pillow. Cleo wanted to slap the shit out of Terry for having her like this. Better yet, she wanted to slap the shit out of herself for pushing him away for so long. Her insecurities kept her from damn near seeing heaven, and damn was she mad about it.

Terry needed to say nothing to let Cleo know her words had been accepted. All he needed to do was push his hips a little bit deeper, and there it was.

Cleo needed to say nothing to let him know that he’d found that spot, because the involuntary bucking of her hips along with the trembling of her legs and gasp of pleasure, Terry knew. His low chuckle of contentment confirmed that as he lifted himself from the crook of her neck to balance himself on his hands and continue to roll his hips in that same pattern. Looking down at his dazed wife, Terry chuckled once more and took his bottom lip between his teeth, asking, “I’m hittin’ that spot, huh?”

Cleo, in her otherworldly pleasure, could only grip the pillow tighter and continue to let her sweet love sounds slip past her parted lips.

Terry could do nothing but admire her when she was like this. Her legs spread all over the bed, hands clenched in the sheets, hair wild as hell. She was a disheveled, sweaty, moaning mess. But still to him, she was the prettiest thing in the world.

He watched as her tired brown eyes rolled back into her head and her head fell back against the bed as she tried not to be too loud and wake their baby girl across the hall. He took a second to let his head fall back and avert his vision to the ceiling from both pleasure and to take a breather, because if he kept watching Cleo, he would get her pretty ass pregnant all over again.

Hearing her whine his name again in that familiar tone, he quickly returned his attention to her. She was close.

“What’s the matter, baby?”, he cooed as he moved his right hand down to her bundle of nerves and used the pad of his thumb to rub slow, sloppy circles, “you gon’ cum for me? hmm?”

Moaning aloud in response to his unexpected touch, Cleo’s hand quickly moved down to his hip in an attempt to halt his movement just for a second so she could get some air back in her damn lungs. “W-wait, T…”, she murmured, fighting to keep her eyes from doing yet another roll inward, but damn did she feel good. Hell, she could barely talk without moaning.

Shaking his head, Terry’s hips continued to move, fighting back against her weak pushes. “Nah”, he mumbled, his thumb continuing its rotation on her pleasure point, “don’t tap out on me now, Cleo. Gimmie that nut. Let me have it.”

And just like that, his wish was her command. “Oh, f-fuck, Terry!” Her volume control was out the window, as was her mind as an orgasm sent from God himself ran its course. His name upon her lips was music to Terry’s ears as he continued his movements, helping her ride out her high.

Motions slowly coming to a halt as her body relaxed, Terry chuckled as he watched her pleasure cost his shaft in creamy coats. Finally being allowed to catch her breath, Cleo’s chest rose and fell at a semi-rapid pace. “Terry…what the fuck?”, she whined as she raised a hand to cover her face.

Chuckling once more, he gently removed her hand from face before peppering kisses all around it. She smiled weakly as he whispered, “You did so good for me, baby. I’m so proud of you.”

With more kisses to her face and her lips, he then murmured, “but I know you got some more in there for me. Gon’ head and turn over.”

[dearru]

someone’s got a crush! | a.miya

pairing: ts!miya atsumu x gn!reader ft. osamu & suna | sfw | cw: cursing, not proofread, written in one sitting, slight manga spoilers but nr | genre: fluff | wc: 553 | masterlist

synopsis -> in which you going on a date leads to a shocking discovery for atsumu (with some help from friends)

ATSUMU MIYA figured out he was in love with you on a rainy night in the dead cold of the winter.

It was the after-hours of Onigiri Miya, and all the customers had cleared out– save for Suna and Osamu, who were having their monthly hangout. The only noise heard over the low hum of the refrigerator and the rain outside is the two’s quiet laughs and the clinking of the plate of food they’re sharing.

Suddenly, their chat is rudely interrupted as an irritated Atsumu barges in, uninvited, swinging the door open in his wake. His hair is weighed down from the rain and his shoes are caked in mud. His face looks murderous when paired with the dim lighting of the restaurant, but the pair of friends seem unphased by this.

“Yer gonna get my floors all dirty, jackass!” Osamu scolds, chucking the towel slung over his shoulder across the room, “Dry off, yer not a dog,”

Ignoring Osamu’s displeasure, Atsumu lets the towel hit his person and fall to the floor. His expression is a mix of annoyance and depression as he drags himself over to where his brother and former teammate are sitting. “I just don’t get their taste in men,” he starts, slumping down in a nearby seat and snatching a piece of onigiri from Osamu’s plate and stuffing it into his mouth, “The guy’s a fuckin’ jackoff!”

At the sight of his distress, Suna and Osamu look at each other in knowing amusement. You, one of Atsumu’s best friends, are on a date right now, and from the look on his face– he is not happy about it.

“Is this about your friend bein’ on a date tonight?” Osamu inquires, already knowing the answer.

Staring at him incredulously, Atsumu deadpans “What else would it be about?” Still chewing his food, the setter shakes his head in disgust, “Y’know the guy’s takin’ ‘em to see a movie?! A movie date! How fuckin’ stupid is that?”

“You sound a bit upset over this,” Suna snickers, patting him on the back rather roughly, resulting in him choking on onigiri, “Is it ‘cause it would be better if they were on a date with you?” Atsumu continues to cough, but the two aren’t sure if it’s from the food stuck in his throat or out of embarrassment. Osamu stifles a laugh.

“Shud up!” he coughs, face reddening and lips pinching into a firm line, “That’s not–“ But then he stops, a realization coming over him.

Horrified by the weight of the discovery, he mutters, voice uncharacteristically small, “Aw shit. It totally would.”

“He finally realizes!” Suna exclaims, looking at Osamu, who folds his arms together and nods his head, laughing, “Took you long enough.”

“Wha…” Atsumu stammers. A vein pops out of his forehead as he stares at the pair in disbelief. Why did this seem like old news to everyone but him?

“It’s ‘bout damn time ya figured it out,” Osamu replies, hitting his twin across the head, “Everyone knows ya got a crush on them.”

The blonde looks to Suna for confirmation, to which he shrugs, grinning deviously in confirmation of his twin’s declaration. He huffs in exasperation and rises from his seat so suddenly that water droplets fall from his hair and litter the table. “Fuck all of ya!” He yells, getting up and storming out of the building without saying another word. The door closes behind him with an exaggerated slam, muddy footprints being the only evidence that he was ever there.

Atsumu doesn’t say where he’s going, but Osamu and Suna are pretty sure it’s to go and crash a date.

—a/n: currently procrastinating all my quizzes and assignments but that’s okay bc atsumu is so fucking fun to write for!!

[hazbinwhoree]

Guardian Angel

Part 1/3 Part 2

A/N: Starting a series where f!reader is the child of a demon and a human and Adam’s been tasked with keeping an eye on her. Please leave requests!

“It has recently come to my attention that a demon and a human have reproduced,” Sera announced. 

Adam cocked an eyebrow. “No shit. For real?”

“The spawn is already grown. So far she hasn’t caused any trouble so I do not see the need for actions further than simply keeping an eye on her.”

“Okay and what does that have to do with me?” Adam asked, taking a long sip from his drink.

“You’re going to watch her.”

Adam spit out his drink. “Sorry, what?”

“You’re going to be her guardian angel,” Sera smirked. Adam’s jaw dropped idignantly. “Do I have to?” He whined.

“Yes.”

That’s how Adam found himself on Earth, stalking some random demon/human hybrid.

Although despite his apathy, she wasn’t just some random, a demon/human hybrid was almost unheard of. She was the third documented instance of that happening.

But as far as he could tell, she led a boring, painfully bleak life. Adam almost felt bad for her. She seemed really depressed. But his job was getting boring. Her routine was always the same. Work, sleep, eat, shower. It seemed that the hybrid was completely unaware of her origin and the powers she possessed. It made Adam’s job easy. Easy and boring.

He started fucking with her, using his ability to be invisible to the human eye in order to fuck with things in her apartment to mess with her head.

One day, while her roommate was out, she stood in the middle of her room, staring at nothing. “Come out you annoying fuck!” She called out. It took Adam by surprise. “I know someone is here,” she hissed. “And you’ve been fucking with me, and it’s pissing me off, and I know you’re here right now, so show yourself!”

Adam debated for a moment. Sera had just said to watch over her, she’d never said it had to be no contact. In fact, Adam was pretty sure Sera would prefer he try to bring the hybrid to the light, but she chose the wrong angel for that task.

Tired of watching her while she was unawares, Adam let himself appear to her. He appeared behind her, just to fuck with her one more time. She turned and jumped, and Adam snickered. To his surprise, she recovered rather quickly.

“What the fuck are you?”

Adam was once again taken aback, and then offended. “I’m an angel, babes, could you not tell by the halo and wings?”

“Well you look like a demon," she replied.

Adam scoffed indignantly. “Fuck you.”

“Fuck you! Who are you and why have you been following me?”

“I’m Adam. Like, first man ever, Adam.”

“Wow, I’m so impressed.”

“And who the fuck are you, bitch?”

“Shouldn’t you know that since you’ve been following me?”

Adam was seething. “Yeah well I didn’t give enough of a shit to remember your name when Sera told me.”

The hybrid narrowed her eyes. Adam narrowed his. The attitude on this bitch! He hadn’t seen such life in her in the weeks he’d been watching her. He definitely didn’t enjoy seeing her come to life like this. Totally not (he did).

“Well you might as well tell me cause you’re stuck with me now that you can see me.” Adam smirked.

She huffed. “(Name). I’m (Name). Why am I stuck with you?”

“Because my job is to follow you, babe, orders from the Seraphim herself.”

“But why?”

Adam thought about fucking with her for a moment, before spitting out the truth. “Because you’re a Cambion, and Cambions are dangerous.”

(Name) blinked at him. “The fuck is a Cambion?”

“A demon/human love child.”

“What, so you’re saying one of my parents is a demon and I’m like, half a demon?”

“Basically.”

They stood in silence for a moment while (Name) processed this information.

“So,” Adam broke the silence. “What’s for dinner?”

[writing-fanics]

More than anything

Lucifer Morningstar x F!Reader

masterlist >chapter i > chapter ii > chapter iii >

[summary: now a fallen angel y/n visits her best friend someone she missed more than anything]

warning: slight angst: fluff: language: cavity inducing fluff

[Y/n] titled her head curiously, and walked towards the rubber duck on his desk. She looked at it curiously, “I-Is this supposed to be me?” She asked curiously, and he looked at her fluster quickly taking it from her hands. She smiled at her old friend, that she missed dearly.

“N-No,” He stammered, holding the rubber duck in his hands delicately. She couldn’t help but smile softly, “Its really pretty,” She commented, looking at it in awe.

Lucifer cheeks seemed to flush, as said this. “Yeah, it is.” He mumbled under his breath pursing his lips. Her eyes drifted towards the countless, framed family photos of the Morningstar family.

Lilith in all her beauty and grace, and the angel couldn’t help but feel jealous envious even. She has a beautiful family an amazing daughter and husband. But she could understand Lilith in a way, even though she shared the same beliefs as Lucifer.

She knew humans can be cruel horrible people. But knew there were goodness and kind ones. The ones who were willing to rehabilitate deserved a second chance. Lilith didn’t believe that humans could be good.

She leaned her shoulder against him slightly, nudging him. “In a way we’re similar,” She said, looking at him sadly, “Lonely, depressed,” She added, but then smiled at him warmly.

“But we can have each other’s backs now,” She gently nudged him, and he looked down.

“Like old times.” said Lucifer smiling softly, remembering the old times he spent with his friend. She looked off in the distance at the room, filled with countless different rubber ducks.

“Yeah, like old times.” She replied, and then she breathed in and sighed, “I really missed you.” She said, a slight tint of red to her cheeks. He smile faltered as he looked at her, and a smile couldn’t help but return to his face. A slightly sad smile but you could still sense the warmth, “Yeah, me too.” He said, looking at her.

“And I’m not going anywhere now.” She said, smiling nudging him slightly, and he looked at her confused. “Cause, I might've told Adam to go fuck himself and to suck my nonexistent dick. And flipped him off. And the highest Seraphim.” She said chuckling nervously, but smiling happily.

♱ [ꜰʟᴀꜱʜʙᴀᴄᴋ]♱

[Y/n] landed next to Charlie and stood next to her, "Fuck you, Adam!" She spat, eyes filled with hatred and anger. "You're only here because you were the first man!" She shouted angrily, fuming. Having had enough of centuries of embarrassment, "You're a narcissistic piece of shit! Go fuck yourself!" She spat, clenching her fists. Charlie's mouth seemed to drop.

"I'm not scared you!" She snarled, glaring at Adam and Lute. "Those are innocent souls down there, children. Who didn't know better. People who only did such things to do right." said [Y/n], looking at the other angels then looking up to glare at Seraphim.

"and you know of all angels here know that more than anyone," She glared, breathing heavily. "Sinners who are willing to change to redeem themselves deserve to be here more than anyone," She said, looking at them and then glanced back towards the portal.

"Here my resignation letter," She shouted, at the other angels. Grabbing her halo and throwing it on the ground, and stepping on it cracking it. Just as quickly as she did that her feature resembled that of a demon/fallen angel.

Lifting her head a smile on her face, "See you in hell," She spat, flipping off the other angels before sending a happy and proud smile, towards Emily Seraphim. Having no ill will towards the younger joy bringer.

"Wait what?" He asked looking at her in shock. "I told Adam to go fuck himself and to suck it." She said smiling, and looked over at Lucifer.

Who had pursed his lips inward as he held a finger to his lips, stifling back a laugh. [Y/n] couldn’t help but stifle back one as well, a smile on her face as their faces turned red. To only suddenly burst into laughter. Tears welled up in their eyes as they laughed, “Oh, I wish I could’ve been there for that.” He said, laughing as tears rolled down his cheeks.

She placed her hand on his shoulder, “Y-You, should’ve seen his face he looked so fucking pissed.” She laughed, wiping the tears off her cheeks.

“But it was so worth it.” She said, relaxing as she leaned her back against the wall looking up at the ceiling. Yet, Lucifer couldn’t help but feel angry once again an angel was banished for something they believed in, they didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve.

She smiled looking at him, “It was really worth it.” She said, a huge grin on her face and her looked at her, “Because now, I get to see you again.” She said looking down at her the ground, “I was so alone in heaven after you were banished, I wasn’t the same cheerful me I was so long ago.” She revealed, and lifted her head looking over towards Lucifer.

She smiled at him warmly, “But now I can be.” She said, hopeful. He smiled feeling her head lean against his shoulder, "I really missed you-" He stopped, looking over and smiled softly her head rested against his shoulder, her eyes closed.

"Too." He finished. She looked so at peace as her chest rose and fell; he hesitantly brushed a strand of hair tucking it behind her ear.

They were two idiots in love with each other. Two idiots too scared to confess their feelings to each others. Two idiots that shared the same dreams and ideas. Two idiots who even now still love each other.

Lucifer even before him and his wife split up. Deep down his repressed feelings for [Y/n], were still very much there. He truly did love Lilith and the daughter they share together, who has so much of her father in her due to his influence on her. Yet, deep down his feelings for his friend up in heaven still remained.

♱ [ꜰʟᴀꜱʜʙᴀᴄᴋ]♱

Lucifer mumbled to himself as he paced back and forth. His index finger pressed against his lips, in deep thought. He chuckled nervously running his fingers through his hair, "J-Just tell her how you feel, Lucifer." He said to himself, as he gripped his clothes nervously. Laughing nervously, "I must be in heaven because I'm looking at an angel!" He said, and his eyes widened in horror and shook his head.

"No! No! Absolutely not.." He said, groaning as he dragged his hand acrossed his cheeks and let out a long groan. He started pacing faster and faster, "H-Hey, Y/n! Are you angel cause I must be in heaven." He said, and it sounded absolutely horrible, corny and cheesy.

"Lu?"

A voice spoke from behind him, "ImustbeinheavenbecauseI'mlookingatanangel!" exclaimed Lucifer, and his eyes widened and cheeks turned red as he saw [Y/n] standing in front of him. "What?" She asked confused, looking at him. Lucifer looked at her his heart pounding against his chest, as he stared at her nervously.

'Tell her tell her just tell her'

He stared at her and he kept opening and closing his mouth slightly. The words he so desperately wanted to say, getting caught in his throat. "I-I ah, it's nothing." He said, and she looked at him and nodded.

[Y/n] stared at her friend longingly words she wanted to say, getting caught in her throat. Only a single tiny, "Ah," escaping it was barely audible. Biting down on her lower lip nervously, they really are two idiots in love.

"I was able to get an audience with the higher angels," She said, looking at him nervously, "I hope they listen to your ideas." She said, chuckling nervously as she scratched the back of her neck. Looking away, blood rushed towards her cheeks feeling a hand slowly take hers.

"Our ideas." He said, smiling at her and her body tensed up and she let out a tiny squeak. She smiled softly, as her heart pounded against her chest. "Yeah, our ideas." She said, as her heart skipped a beat. They smiled at each other for a moment, before making their way towards the higher angels. Excited to share their ideas.

Lucifer smiled softly, as he picked her up bridal style and summoned a portal to one of the many rooms. He glanced down at her as she slept in his arms, he walked through the portal. He stepped into one of the spare bedrooms, and placed her on the bed pulling the covers over her a smile growing across her lips.

He couldn't but think about how adorable she looked in her sleep. How her nose would scrunch up as she snored, and how she would drool in her sleep. Yes, he still missed Lilith very much so even though it's been seven years since they split. She was still his wife well ex-wife, and was heartbroken when she left him. He still wore their wedding ring on his finger, he still hadn't moved on in a way.

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear once again, she smiled softly at the touch. His heart seemed to swell once again, so many things he wanted to tell her even now. He watched as her chest rose and fell underneath the blanket, and chuckled quietly and softly as she mumbled in her sleep.

"Hells, why does she have to be so cute!" He shouted, in his head looking at her his cheeks red. He remembered, the smallest things about her from years since past. How whenever she would laugh she would scrunch up her nose, and how when she would talk about something she was passionate about her eyes would light up and sparkle, like a thousand stars. How when shy or nervous she would twiddle with her thumbs. How was the most beautiful angel in all of heaven to him, and still is.

He knew there was no way he was going to be able to stop her, from helping in the fight between Heaven and Hell. She was too stubborn something he loved about her from so long ago. If something were to happen to either her or Charlie, he doesn't know what he would do.

Now that she's here before him after so many years, after they were too banished from hell and wouldn't be excused from an exorcists blade. He wanted to keep them safe and wanted to protect them.

More than anything.

a/n: to much too earlier or...idk am i doing good or no.. the next chapter wont come out till the final episodes come out so i'll know what events transpire.. (´つヮ⊂) also i was gonna end this on maybe Lucifer planting a kiss on the reader’s forehead as she slept but i wanna take it slow first.

taglist: @96jnie @mit-suri @koji-akeme

[inbabylontheywept]

So: You have depression.

I'm 27 now. The last time I had a major depressive episode was when I was 16. I still have depressive episodes every now and then, but the worst tend to be a month, and most I can generally get through them in about a week. It took me a while to kind of figure out how to handle depression as a recurring thing, and so I thought I'd make a little welp-I-got-diagnosed-now-what guide.

So, first part of the guide: When I first got depressed, I thought that depression was the terrible, sad hopeless feeling that I had. It isn't. That terrible sad hopeless feeling is a symptom of prolonged depression. By the time I get to that point, I'm pretty well cooked and it takes a lot longer to bounce back. Avoiding getting to that point is a vital part of living with depression.

So what does depression feel like?

I am going to hammer this point home a lot of times while writing this: Depression is an anesthetic. It is not felt as a presence, but as an absence. The first absence, for me at least, is when life stops being fun. Every movie feels boring, I can't get more than a few pages into any book, and everything just seems... bland.

This is the best point to catch it at. I have found that consumptive patterns of entertainment do not do anything to help depression. Some people have told me that producing art at this time really helps them, but personally, I can't imagine trying. Instead, I just do tasks that I know inspire physical satisfaction. Which sounds like jerking off (I don't actually reccomend that route) but really means things like: Going for a walk in the sunshine. Working out. Cleaning the house in a fairly exhaustive way. Scrub the baseboards, wash the sink, clear the fridge, etc.

I recognize that doing those is really, really hard while depressed because depression causes physical weakness and exhaustion. The best I can do is, unfortunately, encourage vigillance. If you suspect you're getting into a funk, start on this before you get really deep into the mire. People that get into the mire can get out, but it's not self-help read-a-book type shit, it takes therapy and medication and patience and it is so much easier and cheaper and faster to just avoid letting it get that bad then crawling out once it's sunk its teeth into you.

I have found that for things that work almost by exposure alone, spending time in the sun and talking to people are borderline magical, with the caveat that talking to people about being depressed tends to make things worse instead of better. Talking about anything that cuts through the anesthetic of depression is ideal, or if it's sunk in deep enough that you're having trouble finding anything, talking to someone else about what they're passionate about. Ideally, you'd find someone passionate about a thing you know you're passionate about but are struggling to enjoy right then, and then you'd just let your mirror neurons run amok. Bonus Points

So, you're already depressed. Like, pretty fucking depressed, and you fucked up, and you let it slide. What then?

This is my I-Fucked-Up-And-Got-Big-Sad, Salvage-My-Weekend, depression routine. You'll need to make one for yourself at some point, and yours will work better for you, but this is mine and I think it'll work okay-ish for you. Until you get your own, at least.

I have to get up before 10 am. Staying in bed later than that gives the depression such a huge head start on my day that I just basically can't catch up. If I can't just brute force get myself out of bed, I will throw my blankets and sit cold on my sheets until that gives me the motivation I need. If I cannot work up the guts to throw my blankets, I will actually roll off the bed, flop gracelessly onto the floor, and then stare wistfully up until I can will myself to stand. It helps that every bedroom I've had either had freezing cold tile, or itchy coarse carpet. If you have a comfy floor, maybe buy a very scratchy rug? I cannot emphasize how important this step is. It's like, half of the whole thing.

After getting up, immediately go outside and sit in the sunshine. This provides free executive function, and getting it ASAP will make everything go much smoother.

Talk to someone while outside. If you have a roommate, they work great. Face to face conversations tend to be the best, but phone calls with loved ones are like at least 80% as effective. Calls to family members tend to be better than in face conversations with acquaintances or people you're mostly ambivalent about. Don't do chat messages. Worse than nothing.

This should have scrounged up enough free energy that you can clean something. I always start by trying to clear a part of my counter off. If that's all I got, that's all I got, and I still feel good about it. If that inspires me to do more, I'll run with it until a whole room is up to snuff. I don't do more than one room while I'm this crispy: The goal is not really to clean the house, but to work through a series of tasks that require some initial level of executive function but provide a larger amount back once completed. Life has a lot of these deals that are like, give me $10 and I'll give you $12, give me $12 and I'll give you $20, on and on, and the hard part is really just getting the $10. Some people wake up with $10. Most days, you will wake up with $10. But not when you're like this. You're gonna have to earn it. I'm sorry.

I am going to reiterate: This is what I do when I feel a funk coming on. My life and my schedule are not always this regimented. Living with depression doesn't mean never sleeping until 10, or having a weekend where you don't talk to someone, or take a break from cleaning. Living with depression just means never, ever, leaning into the depression when you feel it coming on. Even when it starts out feeling cozy. Even when you want to just snuggle into it and sleep and sleep and sleep. The first day or two will feel luxurious, and the next week will feel terrible, and the longer you wait the harder it will be to get out. You are always going to have to worry about that. Again, I'm really, truly sorry.

Bonus Bonus Points

I am not a psychologist, but I do have a theory about why depression exists. Remember how I said it's anesthetizing? I think that's what it's there for - getting rid of emotional pain when it isn't being helpful. People often get depressed after a major injury. Boredom is normally nature's way of punishing you for just curling up and doing nothing, but depression can be the emergency override on boredom. It makes sense for you to sit still and do nothing while your body is healing, so maybe nature temporarily removes all your motivation with depression and then just lets you be a limp noodle until you're healthy again. Maybe?

Back to the emotional level, though, depression might also be a way to muffle pains that would otherwise be so intense that people might not remain in control of the faculties. The pain of losing a parent is notorious for driving people so mad with pain that they ruin their lives, but depression is there to at least try and keep us sedated until the nadir has passed.

It is helpful to know what the purpose of depression is, because you will eventually get it from an "intended" cause, and reflexively fighting it then probably isn't good for you. And at the very least, knowing why this stupid thing exists makes the world feel like less of a cruel place.

There are a lot of interesting studies on the physical effects of depression - things like muscle weakness, increased pain tolerance, muscle relaxation, etc. that I won't go into, but it does so many things at once that it almost doesn't feel like a fuck up, but a feature that we just kind of lost the plot on. Not gonna deep dive on it, but it is something that probably shouldn't be confined to just a mental disorder.

[mykoreanlove]

on being real

“I don’t want to date you anymore, Jackson.”

The silver fork he was holding in his left hand fell onto the marble floor, crashing the silence caused by your announcement. Jackson was visibly irritated, big frowns on his face.

“You… what? Why?”

For days you had been practicing this moment, imagining how you would explain your reasons and set him free. And even though you went over this moment hundreds of times, you were not prepared for the gravel pit of anxiety in your stomach. You didn’t do this because you didn’t want him, no. Your feelings were as strong as ever, but Jackson never opened up, he never let you take a look behind his porcelain façade. You decided to no longer waste your time with someone that only portrayed his good sides.

“I don’t feel like knowing you, Jackson. You only show me your good sides, you never share your problems with me. I just…”, you stumbled to find the right words.

“Say it, y/n”, he urged you with a serious tone.

“I feel like I’m dating a fake.”

Ouch, the pit grew bigger.

Jackson hid his face behind his hands, shielding himself from you. You didn’t think it would affect him that much, but his silent sobs gave him away.

“I’m sorry, Jackson.”

It didn’t take long for him to change into his real self, which you finally saw for the first time after months of dating. His eyes, always sparkly but never serene, turned dead, drained from life and love. You silently gasped, surprised to see the abyss behind the veil.

Jackson broke out in laughter as he wiped away his tears.

“Dating a fake, huh?”

Tears started to form in your eyes, seeing him like that broke your heart.

“What do you want to know, y/n? How broken I really am? You think you’re going to love that?”, he spat sarcastically.

You couldn’t answer, you didn’t dare to. Jackson took another sip of his drink, grimacing in pain.

“Shall we talk about my crippling depression, then? You want to know what that’s like? To lie awake every night wondering if this is the life I want, the one that I deserve? Shall we talk about the accompanying anxiety which is clouding my mind 24/7? Am I doing enough? Am I true to myself? Is this really who I am? Shall we talk about my sweaty hands and rapid heartbeat? Me wondering if I’m about to drop dead any minute? Is that it?”

He paused and observed you, not understanding the reason behind your tears.

“Or shall we talk about my health problems? Did you notice how badly I’m griding my teeth? Should I tell you that my jaw is tense as fuck and my teeth are overly sensitive? That drinking and eating anything but warm liquor is making me wince in pain? You think I’m this skinny because I’m on a diet? No, y/n, far from it. Should I tell you how frustrated I am because I have tried literally anything, and no one can help me? You wanna know what that’s like? To be helpless in your own body? To be betrayed by your own fucking body?”

Your eyes wandered to the glass in his hands, finally understanding why he was always drinking so much. Jackson started pacing through the room while bearing his darkest secrets.

“Or shall we talk about the people I’m seeing for help? Because I’ve seen them all, y/n. I searched through whole fucking Asia, and everybody is saying the same shit. It’s all in your head, Jackson. Do you know how fucked up that is? Neither antidepressants nor the shit for my teeth is helping me and you wanna know why? Because apparently, it’s in my head. My body is hurting because my soul is hurting. Isn’t that hilarious?”

Jackson spilled some of his liquor, trying to make a point.

“Or let’s not forget about my love life, y/n. You wanna know what that’s like? You wanna know how much energy it took to portray myself as normal? I wanted you to think of me as strong and healthy and full of life but now you’re breaking up with me because that was, what, fake? I did all of this so you would never realize how broken, fragile, and weak I am. But I guess that wasn’t the right way to go about it either.”

Another layer of sadness washed over his face, tinting his brown eyes in even deeper despair. Jackson took a seat on the couch and hid behind his hands again, wondering why he told you all of this if you were already over him.

He flinched in surprise as he felt your arms around him, hugging him tightly. For once he just gave in and hugged you back, crying silently in your embrace.

“Thank you for telling me, Jacky”, you whispered sweetly into his ear. “This is exactly what I wanted.”

He looked at you surprised, so you explained yourself.

“I fell in love with you because you were a real one. Standing in your truth and being true to who you are. That’s how I have always perceived you, anyways. But then when we started dating, and I never got to know that side of yours. You were too perfect, in a way. And I don’t want perfect. I want real, Jacky.”

His thumb brushed along your cheek, tracing down to your jaw.

“How could you possibly want that?”, his hoarse voice croaked.

You chuckled in response.

“I’m not perfect, Jackson. And I don’t want to be. Don’t you think I get depressed from time to time? We can cry together then. And yes, the thing with your teeth sucks. But I will love you even if you get new ones. And besides that, my teeth don’t hurt but my head does. Often, I get insufferable migraines and have to lie in a pitch-black room, I flinch at light like Dracula himself. Do you think I like that? No, but we all have something. You make it sound like you have to be perfect to be loved. But you don’t.”

The newfound spark in his eyes was noticeable, if only for a quick moment.

“I agree with the people you’ve been seeing, though. Your soul is hurting, Jackson. And that’s okay.”

You grabbed his hand and squeezed it lightly, looking at him hopeful.

“You don’t have to heal on your own though. I’d like to help… if you let me?”

[cupidbedsy]

𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂 | 𝘭𝘩43 ♔

➪ summary: luke always knows when his girl is sad, and this time it's no exception

➪ warnings: depression, fighting parents, kind of bad family dynamics

➪ word count: 1.6k

➪ file type: fic

➪ sunny's notes: this is so weird because i'm listening to really hype music while editing the sad fics. oh well, i wrote this when i was sad so that's fun. also i reread this and i actually almost cried because i didn't realize how well i portrayed my own emotions in it so that was also fun

© cupidbedsy ; do not copy, repost, or translate my work and designs on any other website or here

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There was something about that time of year that caused her depression to hit its highest level. There were a lot of reasons that could’ve caused it, but there was none that she could say was right. It wasn’t seasonal depression, she had been asked that a plethora of times. It wasn’t a feeling of not being enough, she had been told that by multiple therapists.

She could say it was her parents fighting, her parents’ financial struggles, her brothers' snarky comments about how he couldn’t wait to move out and not deal with their crap anymore. She could say it was her family going to her for every little thing that went wrong, the amount of shit she gets from everyone in the family, the comparison of her to her brothers. It could’ve been a lot of things, but she wasn’t about to pin her depression on her family members, it didn’t seem right. 

Every one of her friends and family knew she had depression, it wasn’t a secret. She felt as if as soon as her parents were told about her diagnosis they couldn’t wait to tell every single soul they knew. She felt like she was a story waiting to be told. She often thought that if she had a kid who acted the same way she did, she would know how to raise them better. 

She hated critiquing her parents and her brothers, but they did it to her, didn’t they? She knew about the multitude of times her parents had gone to talk to her brothers about how she hadn’t been to class in a week, how she looked fine so there was no reason for her not to go. She felt like the little boy who cried wolf, however, for much different reasons. 

She always said she was sick when she felt this feeling looming over her so her parents wouldn’t get worried, and they would let her stay home from school. But then, she would actually get sick and no one would believe her. She was stuck in an endless cycle. 

Luke was worried. He had known about her tendencies to fall into this state of mind and not know what caused it. He knew about her family, the therapists, the psychologists, and the social workers. He knew about the multiple attempts everyone had made to get her to open up, about the amount of times she had screamed in her head at them that she didn’t know. He knew about everything.

It was easy for her to open up to Luke when they first met, he had this unmistakably calming and supportive aurora about him. He had bumped into her one day in freshman year, immediately apologizing for not looking where he was going. She had been on her way to the dining hall while he was on his way back, but he offered to take her there anyway. 

Ever since then, they had been each other’s rock. Luke asked her out two months later and the two were practically inseparable. However, this was the first time he had experienced this side of her. He could tell it was happening just slightly, her face said it all. He wasn’t entirely sure of what to do, she had always told him it was nothing to worry about and it should be better in a couple of days. But it wasn’t.

She wasn’t the best at answering her texts, not wanting to face the fact that she was not doing well. She had been cooped up in her room for almost a week now, usually occupying herself with reading or playing a game on her phone. She wanted to go to class, she wanted to do her work, she wanted to do better but she just couldn’t. 

She stared blankly at her phone as her podcast played through her earbuds. She had seen a text from Luke come through but she didn’t pay much attention to it. She felt bad for not answering, yet another part of her brain just accepted defeat and the fact that he might be mad at her. She had been able to get up and sit at her desk which was a step in the right direction, however she hadn’t done much since she got there. 

She heard a knock on the door, ignoring it at first. When the knocking became more persistent, she sighed and got up. Her, Luke’s, hoodie fell from its original bunched-up place in her lap as she walked over to the door. Her eyes had dark circles around them, her hair was tied messily in the back. She opened it and looked at the person standing on the opposite side of the door.

“Hi.”

Usually, she would’ve been excited to see her boyfriend but at this point, that was what she dreaded most. Her face looked tired as she stared at Luke with blank eyes, “Hi.”

Luke nervously shifted his weight back and forth between his feet at the sound of her voice. It was hoarse from the lack of use, it had unfallen tears caught in it, and it had a hint of harshness laced in it. His mind flooded with thoughts as her voice reached his ears, he hadn’t been expecting it to sound that way.

She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something more but he didn’t. The lack of communication between the two caused them to stand in the doorway for three minutes. Luke’s nervousness and awkwardness were seeping into y/n’s body language as she toyed with her hair and stood with her left foot propped up behind her right leg. 

When they made eye contact, the tension in her body went away and her eyes softened, “You wanna come in?”

He nodded and she stepped back so he could walk in. Instead of going back to where she was previously sitting, she went back and climbed into her bed. The feeling of being able to be vulnerable in Luke’s presence made her want to curl into herself, she didn’t want to be vulnerable right now. She pulled her comforter up to her chin, creating heat around her.

Luke shivered from the moment he stepped into her room, goosebumps rising all over his arms. He sighed when he saw his girlfriend revert to her original space, moving to sit at the edge of her bed. He placed his hand on her calf, the sheets creating a barrier from them touching, “Hi baby.”

Those were the only words that both of them could muster, an awkward tension forming between the two of them for no reason. She just stayed staring at the wall in front of her. He let out a soft sigh at the lack of response and turned his head away from her to collect his thoughts. He wasn’t sure how to approach this, she had told him not to worry about her but he couldn’t help it. 

“What can I do to help?”

She shrugged in response, not giving him her full attention. Luke slowly moved his thumb to start rubbing her calf in circles as a form of comfort. Another moment of silence passed again, and the two slowly started to become more comfortable with each other once again. 

“Luke?”

“Hmm?” 

“Can you lay with me?”

Luke all but jumped onto the opportunity she gave him, slipping his shoes off and climbing in behind her. He wrapped his right arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. It was a mere five seconds before y/n was turning over and burying her head into his chest, “I’m sorry.”

“For what? You haven’t done anything wrong, baby.”

“For not responding, and for being like this.”

Before he had shown up she had hoped he wouldn’t even think about coming over. She hated when people had to see her like this. It wasn’t because of the way she looked but rather the thought that nobody would understand how she felt, that everyone would just complain about her problems.

But Luke was absolutely, positively in love with her. From the moment they met, the way he had been able to make her laugh within two minutes, the way she was able to ramble on about random things to a stranger amazed him. She had him wrapped around her finger since the moment they bumped into each other and there was nothing that would change that. 

He frowned at her words, “Don’t be sorry. You can’t control it.”

“I just wish it would stop sometimes. Move on from me.” He kissed her forehead and held her tighter, feeling angry at the world for doing this to his girl.

“I’m sorry this is happening to you.”

Her fingers went to tangle into his hair, her frowning at his apology. She played with one of the curls that had been sticking out amongst the rest due to its length. Luke calmed down at the feeling and gave her a small smile. It was hard for her to return the action, not having anything to smile about. 

Luke knew that was all he needed to do, just be there for her even if she said she didn’t want him there. Remind her that he would be there to support her through everything, even the parts she didn’t want him to know about. Reassure her that those feelings were common even if he didn’t know what it felt like. Love her as if the world was gonna end tomorrow.