#cause the food is cooked so good over there

[thebestsetter]

Sae's nutritionist has been having a hard time ever since the athlete started a family with you.

Sae has always followed his diets strictly. Never ate chocolate, avoided sugar the best he could and mainly ate only fruits and vegetables. His behavior was always praised by all his nutritionists because of how easy it was working with him.

Sae started to "disobey" his diet when he moved in with you.

It all started when you began to cook him lunch for after morning practice. You knew he had to follow a strict diet, so you never made something too unhealthy. Sometimes, you even sneaked some sweet treats for him, but it was too little to do any harm, so his doctor just pretended not to notice it.

But this?? This was too much.

"Sae-kun" he said, pointing at the pink princess pot on Sae's hands "W-what is this?"

"My daughter packed my lunch today" Sae smiled softly, just like he always did when talking about you or your daughter. The doctor would've thought the whole ordeal was cute, if not for what was inside the pot: a box orange juice you buy on those vending machines (it's orange color was almost radioactive. God knows how much sugar there is in it), a (very) poorly made pink cupcake, with rainbow sprinkles all over it; and scrambled eggs (thank God at least one healthy thing).

"You can't possibly be thinking about eating this" his doctor deadpanned, but quickly added "T-the cupcake and the juice, I mean. The eggs are fine"

Sae's smile instantly fell, and he stared at the nutritionist with a frown

"What's wrong with my daughter's food?" It wasn't a question. Sae was daring the doctor to say something bad about the cupcake his sweet, lovely daughter made, staring at him with a cold and almost dangerous gaze.

The poor doctor should've stopped there. He really should have. But if he let Sae eat this Chernobyl looking cupcake, he might as well just throw his nutrition degree on the nearest trash can.

"It's not good for your health" the nutritionist said, staring at the Cinderella that was painted on the top of the pot "As an athlete, you know it's important to lose old eating habits. You can't eat this."

Sae stared at the doctor for what felt like centuries, but finally looked at the cupcake and carefully picked it up, holding it in his hands like it was the most valuable thing he ever held.

The way his gaze softened just by looking at that sorry excuse of a pantry almost scared the doctor. One second, he was looking at him with what could only be described as pure hatred. The other, he was looking at an ugly cupcake like it was a masterpiece.

Anyways, Sae's doctor was just glad this was over with. Itoshi obviously was going to throw the cupcake away, eat the eggs, and just order something else to compliment his lunch. It would all be okay.

Or so he thought .

"You know" Sae started, peeling the paper that was carefully wrapped around the sweet treat "It's interesting that you talk about losing"

"Why?" The doctor asked, not really liking Sae's voice

Sae stared at the man for a while, then slowly looked at the cupcake and brought it up to his mouth. Just as he was about to take a bite out of it, he stopped and stared at the man again

"Cause you just lost your job"

"What?"

"You're not deaf" Sae said "You're fired. Grab your stuff and get out of my sight"

"You can't do that!" The doctor screamed at him, which only made Sae roll his eyes

"I can and I did. Out. Now."

The nutritionist knew it was useless arguing with the stoic Sae Itoshi. With a sigh, he turned away from the player to go and collect his belongings

"Just one more thing before you go"

He heard Sae say, which urged him to turn around. The moment he laid his eyes on Itoshi, the footballer took a bite out of the pink cupcake

"This is fucking delicious."

The doctor would NEVER eat a cupcake in his life again.

[hoesheez]

All I Ever Wanted…

Bang Chan/AFAB!Reader

WARNINGS: language and unprotected sex

A/N: I’ll have you all know that @gyoobies and I have had this cooking for a while and yes we definitely did write about our biases and YES I DID WRITE CHAN CONFESS HIS LOVE TO THE READER OMFG IM SIIIIICK! 🤢 sigh anyways…

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

"If you're fine with the world knowing you're lonely, then I guess it's not embarrassing for you." you repeated what Changbins girlfriend said in a mocking tone as you watched her and the muscular man walk ahead of you and Chan, “The fucking nerve.” you made sure to speak loud enough for her to know she wasn’t wanted here

Chan laughed out loud , “Come on babe be nice, no need to stoop to her level, yeah?” he said and took your hand. If it weren’t for him and your best friend, you wouldn’t even be here.

You hated camping, the thought of it alone made you upset. Just why would anyone choose to sleep on the ground and suffer in the cold? But chan enjoyed it, and you’d do anything to spend as much time with him as you could. You pulled him close, “Fine, but i want her to know i don’t like her.”

Once you arrived at the lake, the aussies immediately took off their shirts and ran off of the dock into the water. There were two loud splashes and cheering while the others put down their stuff and followed.

Changbin just sat next to his girlfriend at the edge of the dock. You looked down at Chan with your arms crossed over your chest, “How’s the water?” you asked sarcastically, seeing his bottom lip quiver from the cold. “F-f-f-fine,” he huffed out and Felix laughed hard at him.

“You coming in?” he asked as he swam towards you. You shook your head no, “Not yet,” your face contorted in discontent, “maybe when no ones looking.” you explained and he frowned. You were a bit uncomfortable in your swimsuit, even though he already told you how great you looked, he didnt pry and just nodded and floated on his back, “No worries love.”

After a bit, the other boys got in, and eventually, you and Changbin’s girlfriend were the only ones left on the dock. You rolled your eyes, scoffing at the thought of her trying to make small talk. The thought brought you to your feet, “Babe, I’m coming in,” you announced, causing the other boys to almost immediately dart their eyes over to where you were disrobing.

You rid yourself of the shirt and shorts you wore and heard Chan whisper a “Damn,” under his breath. You couldnt help but smile, “ONE SIDE!” you screamed at him before jumping in. The water was freezing cold and as soon as you emerged at the surface, Chan was there smiling and laughing that goofy laugh he did whenever you did anything slightly out of character.

“You look so good, come here.” he brought you in for a kiss and you instinctively wrapped your arms around his neck. His kisses were so soft and reassuring, making you instantly feel like the luckiest person in the world.

You all fooled around in the water and Changbin even dragged his girl into the water much to her protest and you couldn’t help but giggle devilishly when she yelled out that her phone was still in her pocket. You all headed back and upon arriving back at the campsite, you saw your friend and Minho dangerously close.

“We’re back!” Chan exclaimed loudly and you watched the two of them distance themselves from one another and look busy. Later, the two of you went and gathered food from the tent and had a chat about how she should be more open and give Minho a chance.

You mentioned just how hot he was and that even if it wasn’t something serious, she could at least have some fun while here. After dinner, the rain started and with one more word of encouragement to your friend, you and Chan hurried into your tent.

“I’d say things are going according to plan,” he said with a wide smile, “What do you think?” You sighed, placing a hand at your hip looking at him with an incredulous look, “I think that bringing broken tents wasnt actually part of the plan, more like you just didnt check them like you should have.” He waved a hand and shook his head, “Yeah yeah, all part of the plan.” He adjusted the pillows and extended a hand to you once you were done zipping up the tent.

“Either way, they’ll thank me later.” You took his hand gently and moved to cuddle next to him in the extra large sleeping bag. “At least something good will come out of this,” you sighed, “I can’t wait to get home.”

He looked at you with sad eyes, wondering if you weren’t having a good time at all. “Yeah, I know you hate camping, and that it’s raining, oh and Bin’s girl is a nuisance but-“ you cut him off with a kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck, ruffling his curly hair with your fingers. “All of it’s ok if I get to be with you,” you spoke against his lips, “ I’m having a good time, regardless okay?”

Chan kissed you and brought you into a tight embrace, “Good, I’m glad.” he said and the two of you fell asleep in each other’s arms.

You awoke from your nap after about half an hour, being greeted by your boyfriend’s adorable face. His curly brown hair framed his face and you couldn’t help but give him a peck on the cheek. You quietly got your phone and took a picture of him, but as soon as the shutter went off he woke up.

“You taking pictures of me while in sleeping? Creep.” he joked and you pinched his cheek. “You looked really cute okay?” you said and turned so that he was spooning you now, his strong arms wrapping around your waist.

He nuzzled his face in your neck and inhaled, and upon exhaling, he said somethjng ypu didn’t think youd ever really hear from him. “I love you.” You lay in shock, your mind trying to process what you just heard.

“You what?” you turned to him, his sleepy eyes opening, “I love you,” you stared at him, knowing in that exact moment what you needed to say. “I love you too, Chris.”

He closed the gap between the two of you and kissed you, leaning up to cage you in his arms, “I mean it, I love you.” you pulled him close his body still over you while you kissed.

You soon pulled away with a huff and swollen lips, your breath hitched as you stared into his eyes, “You’re not allowed to take it back” he chuckled hard and just kissed you back. You tugged at the top of his shirt and he pulled it over his head. “I won’t ever take it back, come here.”

He said and you moved towards him, taking off your top along the way, the light from the lantern illuminating your sillouettes on the tent wall. Your arms wrapped around his neck and you clawed at his back, “Been dying to get you alone all day,” he whispered in your ear, “seeing you in that swimsuit,”

He lay you back down and began kissing a trail down your body, “You looked so pretty babe.” he kissed down your belly, swirling his tongue on your supple skin. He grabbed the hem of your shorts and pulled them down your legs, and you eagerly squirmed out of them.

His hand came between your legs, touching you through your underwear before moving them to the side and touching your bare skin. He grunted in your ear, moving in to kiss your neck. “Chan,” you whispered, “don’t tease me,” your voice serious and he simply moved down your body, slotting his head between your legs after finally removing your underwear.

You tangled your fingers into his soft hair as he moved his tongue along you, licking up your slick greedily. Your whimpers dripped from your lips over and over as his tongue swirled, and his mouth sucked on your clit.

You hated how good he was at this and whispered an “Asshole,” before moaning loudly.He just buried his face into you further, using his tongue to fuck you with a piston like speed, “Chris, please,” you begged and he just chuckled against you looking up at you and not relenting in his fervor.

“Fuck!” you cursed, as he then inserted two fingers into you, his tongue on your clit working to bring you to climax. You tugged at his hair, he took the hint and came up to kiss you, his fingers curving to find your spot effortlessly.

Your body greedily moved on top of him, taking his fingers and putting them in you mouth, grinding against his bulge, “Alright babe, I get it, fuck!” he laughed and pulled his cock out of his shorts with his free hand.

“Thank fuck!” you whined with a relieved tone against his thick fingers in your mouth and moved to hover over him. “Hold on,” he said and took his fingers from your mouth. As you sink on top of him, you think he’s going to grab your ass but no, he takes his phone and starts typing.

You refrain from letting out a moan and glare at him, “Really? while you’re inside of me?” you watch as the light from the phone illuminates his face. “Sorry, I just wanted to tell minho something- ah!”

He yelps as you clench down on him, bringjng him from his task and his attention back on you, “I won’t ever do that again Y/n- shit!” he yelps out again and pulls you down, his strong arms enbracing you. “Don’t stop,” he whispers against your lips.

The two of you find a rhythm with you on top, his hips eagerly meeting yours with a slap. Your hands rested on his abs as you bounced on him, squeezing him inside while your breasts bounced. You saw him take his bottom lip between his teeth, “Fuck babe,” his voice soft and needy causing you to lean down and downright ride him like a stallion while he sucked on your nipples.

“Chris, ah I’m close!” your voice cracked as his thrusts quickened. He pulled you back down to lay on your side, bringing your leg over his body, “Come for me, yeah?” he asked as he gripped onto you hard, his nails dighing in as you buried your face in his neck. You bit down on his skin as you were sent over the edge, body shaking while your orgasm wrecked you.

His last few thrusts brought him into his climax right after you and he moaned heavenly praises in your ear. “So fucking good babe, so tight,” he kissed your lips, sloppily. You shook as he shot his seed into you, “Wait, chan we forgot the condom again, for fuck’s sake!” you realized with a yelp and he just laughed?

“Well if you weren’t SO needy for me all the time.” he said before he sucked marks into your neck. “Shut up!” you giggled and brought him in for a kiss. “Mmm, say it again.” you whispered. “I love you,” his words sent you into a giggling fit, “Hehehehe, I love you too.”

The two of you cuddled, basking in the afterglow and after a while, he called Minho, “Well how’s it going?” he asked and the two of you just heard your friend take the phone and let Chan know just how well it was going.

“Oh fuck! Right there! Bye!”

Your friend huffed out before hanging up, Chan’s face was turning red and he just let out a quiet, “Oh my gosh.” You shouted out with a clap loud enough for the whole camp to hear, happy that your two closest friends finally got together after so long.

A/N: HELL YEAH IM DOWN BAD STFU!! i hate that he makes me soft and that he probably gives lots of praise and that he’s probably really good at oral and-

link to the original fic that inspired this here! 🤭 from the besties pov ❤️ thanks for letting me add some shameless chan smut @gyoobies haha 🙄

[vhstown]

malala windsor ★ general headcanons

a/n: i love this girl to death you don't even know man... thank you to my friend sadi for talking to me about this character at less than ideal hours 🙏 i hope you like these! a little shorter than my other ones but i don't have much to go off okay...

When she originally gets her powers she's at the mosque for Friday prayers and her hands get stuck to the carpet and she's just stuck in prostration. Everyone sheds a tear from how dedicated she is to her religion but really and truly she's praying the skin of her hands isn't ripped off 😭😭😭 The whole mosque is empty and my girl is STILL there.

Definitely the talk of the town for a while. Loved and hated by Muslim aunties alike. There's a chunk of the carpet missing that's in the shape of her hands. Everyone just knows thats her spot.

Apparently her last name is supposed to represent the House of Windsor... I don't really have anything to add except for the fact that I think it's really funny. I feel like she actually does have a Desi or Muslim last name but really plays into the "Bri'ish" joke at Spider Society except they take her 100% seriously and now she's stuck with the Windsor on her spider ID (and she cringes bad whenever she sees it.)

Hijabi activewear for life. Wears it everywhere for practicality and also the crazy UK heatwaves.

TfL warrior. She can quite literally swing to places when she becomes Spider-Woman but she can't give up her aesthetic tube girlie lifestyle. Has her book and headphones and everything and endures the horrible ear pop on older lines with a straight face. She's kind of serving but the restaurant is empty cause it's London and nobody really cares. (Also I feel like London would be really annoying to swing through cause everything is shaped so differently and the train is probably faster..)

Loves sports. Totally feels embarrassed and tries to act uninterested but is a beast on the court. Plays every single sport you could think of but lover of basketball and badminton (she is not a coconut when it comes to badminton like me OKAY!)

Cannot cook to save her life (she's trying okay... I AM NOT PROJEC)

Has so many frankensteined hijabs in her closet from making suits. Feels like a total genius when she figures it out and geeks out about it to other spiders at HQ even if they've heard it like a billion times.

I think she knows a woman who's a lot like Jessica Drew in her universe so she's more friendly with Jess than anyone else would be. They totally like to gossip over coffee and tea and the bajillion strange UK biscuit variations in the break room (she DESPISES the 2099 cafeteria food).

Her universe's Uncle Ben is an electrician and he sometimes drags her around to his electrician jobs. She's there begrudgingly but definitely has a eureka moment when she remembers something niche and engineery he explained to her while working at someone's house when she's on a sneaky little mission.

Humanities babe. I know all the spiders are STEM people but I like to think she's into humanities and absolutely just free balls all the tech stuff and actually gets pretty good at it. Maybe explodes a few things. I think she's one of those people in her class that LOVE to debate. An absolute menace in history and politics.

She's from East London. No elaboration needed.

That's about it for now! BIG UP MY DESI GIRLS!!!!!!!! YEAHHHHHHH

thank you for reading! check out my atsv masterlist here!

[zaynmirrors]

Figure You Out

Chapter 5

It’d been a few days since the concert. Neither of them had crossed paths. Not once since then. Y/n hadn't really thought much about him or his muscled back.

'Focus', she had thought, shaking her head. Clearing the thought from her mind. That was the last thing she needed on her mind.

She made her way into the kitchen where Dustin sat, books sprawled in front of him as he worked on his homework. Jovie sat on her knees in the chair next to him and watched, as if she had any clue what he was doing.

"What do you want for dinner?" She spoke mainly to Dustin but grabbed Jovies as well. "I can cook, or we order out"

Dustin looked back at her and made a face, "I don't want pizza" Jovie copied his face, this caused y/n to chuckle lightly.

"What about Clyde's?" y/n asked, craving a nice juicy burger. Dustin seemed to mull it over and nodded in agreement. "Your normal?" Dustin nodded again.

Y/n went over to the phone and called in their usual order. For her a double stacked cheeseburger with a side of chili cheese fries, as for Dustin a cheeseburger all the way and fries and as for Jovie chicken tenders.

"You good to watch her ?" Dustin nodded again, he'd watch her so y/n could go pick up the food. She grabbed her keys off the counter, kissed Jovie on the forehead "Be good" and left them.

The ride to the burger joint was barely ten minutes. It felt like an eternity. Worrying Jovie was bothering Dustin or misbehaving. 'Stop' she thought, Jovie was a good girl, and he wouldn't have agreed if she was a problem.

Air outside the car was frigid. She wrapped her jacket around her tighter, trying to block out the tepid temperature. The bell above the door dinged as it swung open. The sound grabbed the attention of Joe, the owner of the joint.

He offered a smile, "Hey y/n, foods almost ready". She nodded and took a seat at the counter. Spinning on the bar stool to face Joe. He went back to frying the burgers. She looked around the restaurant, taking in the decor as if she hadn't seen it a million times.

She sat there for a few minutes before the bell above the door dings again. Her heart sped up as she glanced over. "Y/n, oh my goodness, we haven't seen you in forever". Stood in front of her was Sharon, the mother of her ex. A woman she had hoped to never see again. That was wishful thinking around this small town.

"Sharon, it's good to see you", sliding off the stool she came and stood in front of the slightly shorter woman. Offering to give her a hug, Sharon wrapped her arms around y/ns middle giving a slight squeeze.

"You look good" Sharon spoke, mumbled in y/n jacket. She pulled away and looked up at y/n. "How are you?"

Y/n nodded and offered a small smile, "I'm good, working"

Sharon nodded, "I heard, you work for Tommy, right?" Of course she knew, everyone in this fucking town knew everything about everyone. "You like it?"

"I love it, hoping to work up from reception" Y/n nods.

She nodded again, a small smile on her face, “I’m sure you will” Sharon looked her over, “Shawn’s going to visit for the holidays” she spoke, as if trying out the ice.

Y/n stomach churned, bile rose to up her throat, “you must be so excited” she smiled, swallowing down her bile.

“Thrilled!” She said excitedly. That was her only boy, the rest were girls, the youngest around Dustin’s age. Sharon wasn’t aware of the things Shawn had done to y/n.

Y/n was sure she knew about Jovie. Sharon never asked about her. Not once. Y/n wasn’t sure if she cared to know her grandchild, not that it mattered to her.

“Foods ready, y/n” Joe spoke setting the bag of take out on the counter. She smiled, handed him the cash for the food and turned back to Sharon.

“It was good seeing you” y/n smiled, sliding past Sharon and waving her a goodbye.

She made her way back to her car and got in. Making sure the food was sat in the passenger seat before leaning her head against the steering wheel.

“Fuck!” Y/n screamed, “FUCK!” Tears pricked at her eyes. She was screwed if he decided to sniff around. The engine turned over as she turned the key, she sat in silence the whole way home.

“Dustin I’m sorry it took so long” she spoke as she walked into the house.

He looked at her from the table, “everything okay?”

She shook her head, “it’ll be fine though”

He wanted to push more but decided not to. Instead he fished his take out box from the bag and opened it. Y/n did the same for herself and Jovie.

“Can I have some Jovie?” Dustin spoke. Jokingly going to take one of her chicken tenders. She looked at his hand and whined. “Hey I was joking”

She pouted, sitting down on her tail end, crossing her arms over her chest. “Jovie, honey he was picking” She continues to pout, the behavior somewhat unusual for her.

“She’s probably tired” y/n spoke to Dustin as Jovie continued to pout as the two of them ate. “She didn’t take a nap”

“Oh yeah” Dustin nods, “definitely that”

Jovie climbed down from her seat, leaving her chicken untouched and climbing into her mother’s lap. Hiding her face in y/ns chest.

“We’ll go to bed in a minute bug” y/n used her clean hand to rub her daughters back. Offering comfort to the little girl.

Once y/n was finishing eating, she wasted no time taking Jovie into her arms and carrying her to bed. “What do you want to wear tonight bug?”

Jovie sat on her mother’s bed, looking at the two options her mother was holding up. Unicorns or frogs. She loved both, but she liked the green slimy creatures more. “Fwogs” she said, yawning and rubbing her eyes.

Y/n put the other option back in the closet and began to change her. Once the girl was in her clean pajamas she was placed under her covers and tucked in tight. Falling asleep within minutes.

Chapter 6

Taglist: @mewchiili

[ardenzia777]

I have much to draw for ya'll but uh, for now enjoy this crop of a request i'm doing for @mircsy and @abandoned-raccoon since they drew me polites uwu Polites is my currency Anywho, Oiled up Diomedes coming in your future!!

[rosicheeks]

Anyone have any easy (cheap) dinners when you feel like shit and don’t want to do anything?

[dear-ao3]

so. as you may know it’s christmas eve. as you probably don’t know i am eastern european. and probably the only real tradition anyone holds onto is christmas eve. normally my great aunt does all the food and very begrudgingly sometimes lets everyone help make like. one thing.

well.

this year. the year of our lord two thousand and twenty four. she decided she was done cooking and it was up to everyone else.

so i got a phone call from my mom a few weeks ago being like hey so. you’re making the cake. got it? good.

the cake in question is a walnut cake. i was entrusted with my great aunts recipe about seven years ago. i’ve made it twice. the first time i fucked up the frosting quantity. the second time i fucked up the eggs. both times were passable at best and notably! my great aunt did not taste either of them.

and i have to make this cake. on christmas eve. it is dessert. for everyone. my extended family will all be eating the cake. the walnut cake. on christmas eve. even my great aunt.

so yesterday, december 23 if you are counting, i went on the annual Last Minute Christmas Food Shopping Trip with my father, watched him climb into the case to get his half and half like he does every year, and stressed about my cake as i made sure i had all of the ingredients.

then. we went to my great aunts house. where i was met with Trial Number 1: The Cognac

this cake has cognac in the frosting. not a big deal really. except for the fact that my mom hates that there is cognac in the frosting. (my mom is hell bent on making christmas eve dinner vaguely healthier. no one else agrees.) and i was to be making the cake in my moms house.

also important to note: we (as in my parents) do not own cognac. mostly because none of us drink.

so my great aunt is like oh i have to give you the cognac. cause she knows. i am baking the cake. the walnut cake. (my dad told her. he is a traitor). and i say okay. sure. this won’t be a problem at all.

so she gives me. a shot of cognac. and when i say a shot. i mean an Entirely Full Shot Glass of Three Hundred Dollar Cognac. in a jar. for the cake. the walnut cake. that i have to make.

upon bringing the cognac home my mom says no we’re not putting that in. the cognac sits on the counter in its jar. no one touches it.

then i was met with Trial Number 2: The Frosting.

this recipe requires a pound of chopped walnuts. first. i couldn’t even find the walnuts. my sister and i searched high and low and in every cabinet we could find but no nuts. i called my mom. and said mom where are the walnuts? and she said. “they’re in the nut bag behind the basement door.”

oh of course. how could i have missed the nut bag? a holiday bag full of bags of nuts that was half hidden by wrapping paper and also behind a door?

in any case. could i have used a food processor? absolutely. did i? no. half because i forgot and half because i didn’t want to accidentally grind the walnuts into a paste. so i enlisted the help of my younger sister to chop the walnuts By Hand while i embarked on the real devil: the frosting.

which remember. is supposed to have cognac.

so i cream my butter. i add my sugar. i’m careful not to over sugar. i taste it a million times. i add my coffee and my vanilla extract (instead of cognac. which is still sitting on the counter) and it was all going so well until. the butter rebelled.

now remember. one time when i made this. seven years ago. i made too little frosting. so i made more this time. and i thought i had all my conversions right but evidently i did not because suddenly there was too much liquid in my frosting and it split.

the frosting for the walnut cake that everyone was going to eat. on christmas eve. the very next day.

i felt like a contestant on great british bake-off getting smited by the tent.

so i did the logical thing and shoved the whole mess into the fridge hoping that it would sort itself out overnight.

then it was time to face Trial Number Three: The Cake Itself.

as i have said this cake is a walnut cake. the christmas eve walnut cake that has been at christmas eve longer than i have been alive. and it requires no less than ten egg whites. which i whipped and i added to my walnuts and shoved the whole thing into the oven in my two baking dishes.

only to discover no less than 40 minutes later that the batter in the pans was Not Even (despite my best efforts). so i cooked one longer than the other and hoped that i hadn’t monumentally fucked up the walnut cake. like i had the frosting. which was in the fridge. and i was ignoring.

which leads to Trial Number Four: The Egg Yolk Cake

see i had ten egg yolks. i didn’t know what to do with them. my mom said flush them. my dad said make a custard. i proposed making egg nog. my mom said she didn’t want it in the house cause it was too fattening (a blatantly incorrect statement. please, if you are reading this, go drink a glass of eggnog. or some other fun festive drink. food is for the soul.) so i produced a recipe for an egg yolk pound cake. i made it. i still don’t know if it came out good cause i haven’t tasted it. i hope it did. but that was not the point. the point is the walnut cake. the christmas eve walnut cake.

and the following morning i was met with Trial Number Five: The Frosting Part 2

first i threw my failed frosting back in the mixer and it immediately secreted a brackish combination of vanilla extract and coffee so i did the only thing i could. facetimed my dad and said “father there are problems abound.” and he gave me the fatherly advice of “make it again.”

and so i did.

with more correct measurements. still scared it would split at any second.

though it didn’t.

and i didn’t add the cognac.

maybe no one will be able to tell???

my mom said that if anyone asks the first batch of frosting failed and i had to toss it. this is technically true.

but i had frosting. i had two uneven cakes. and it was time for Trial Number Six: Decorating

decorating cakes is easily in my top ten least favorite activities. decorating the christmas eve walnut cake is easily in my top three least favorite activities. because i am terrible at decorating cakes. and also because it has a filling.

the filling is jam. and i once again made the wrong choice because i put the jam on first before the frosting. which to be fair is what the directions say. but as everyone knows, the directions in recipes you get from your eastern european great aunt are not the real directions. so now i had to smear butter cream. on top of jam. for the filling of the walnut cake. for christmas eve. that we would be eating in a few hours.

and we didn’t have a cake plate. we had a large dish.

i had to use my fingers. i had to use three spatulas. i got jam everywhere. but i did it. and as soon as i set the top cake on top of the filling i realized my monumental mistake: i was supposed to trim down the cakes.

so now they were uneven. and lopsided. and there was nothing i, a mere mortal tasked with the impossible task of making christmas eve walnut cake, could do about it.

so i continued to spread my frosting. which i had enough of. and tried and failed to not get jam everywhere.

in the end it was almost presentable. not great. slightly lopsided. and definitely not as nice as any of my great aunts cakes.

which left me with Trial Number 7: Chilling It

our fridge was being taken up by other important christmas eve things (though not as important as my cake. the walnut cake) so i had to put it in the car. which was fine because there is snow on the ground.

i covered my cake. the walnut cake. in tin foil and hoped i wouldn’t accidentally squish it. and then i went outside. i tried to steal my moms shoes to walk outside. she was not impressed.

“you know, saph,” she said. “some of the time you’re pretty great. the other half of the time you’re really weird.”

i could not agree more.

i put my cake on the trunk. prayed to the cake gods and went inside.

on the one hand if the cake is good, i will be stuck making walnut cake for christmas eve for the rest of my life. on the other hand, if it sucks i will never have to make another one.

Trial Number Eight: The Tasting still waits.

[neverendingford]

.

[hauntingblue]

Rong ring rong raingo time

Zoro making that speech reminds me of ace and how he treated luffy at the start, maybe not because of the same reasons but zoro is calming chopper down bc he KNOWS luffy and the others (and him) would not let him be taken without trying everything they could... there is ko use for crying and zoro is repressed but of course he would not say he cares but he does so of course he tells him to shut up bc he can't handle how chopper makes him feel... Also Foxy taking chopper for being cute and not because he is a doctor and that if they first wanted chopper to join bc he was a doctor he ended up joining bc they really became friends....

Legendary find

Look at these losers... zoro's hair is blending with the grass akdbakjka

Lettuce and cheese... the Burger Brothers

Robin supports nami's wrongs ✊🏻

Chopper being cute again

He is so slow ❤️

Seeing robin become a luffy enabler in real time is such a joy

HE IS THE MAN!!! Robin seeing luffy say that and believing it because she thinks she is expendable.... look how surprised she is... I think it's not just because she's surprised luffy got up but bc she realizes he is including her in his fight... he is also doing this for her

[starrbucky]

.

[arolesbianism]

Whenever I watch someone play oni I always get so caught off guard when they cut and it's like 100 cycles later but then I remembered that most ppl actually use the fast forward buttons and I'm the weirdo who sits there at normal speed just watching large scale constructions slowly inch forwards while also pausing every other minute to plan out the next 3 projects I wanna work on next

[dante-mightdie]

No cause I can imagine everyone in the 141 having a big appetite so GOOD LUCK making enough food for them all when Simon invites his mates over 👀👀

the thought of eating rn makes me want to shit in my hands and clap but i’ll power through to write this

when simon came home to find the kitchen to find bags of food dotted about the counters, he knew he made a mistake inviting the lads over. starts rifling through the bags like he’s airport security, glaring at you when you smack his hand away

“you don’t have to cook for them. we’ll order somethin’…” he grumbles, ignoring the childish jealousy he feels at the idea of his lady cooking for his annoying friends and the look you give him shuts that idea right down

“I’m not serving your friends takeout! take out isn’t made with love!” you say with a grin, beginning to prep the feast you clearly plan on serving

and as much as he wants to sulk, he can’t help but feel a sense of pride warm his bones as his friends constantly praise you. he would never rob you of any compliments because he knows you’ve earned them

just ignore the fact that he makes you eat your dinner sat on his lap, plate directly next to his. one arm wrapped tightly around your waist whilst he uses the other to scoff food down his face like he always does

you can’t help but laugh at how genuinely upset he gets when johnny takes the last helping of his favourite dish or when he’s gotta drink kyle’s favourite beer instead of his own

he gets over it quick when you remind him that he’s got a special dessert waiting for him after the lads leave :)

[moriphyte]

mom: do you wanna take this food home?

me:

[gaza-giving-tree]

Imagine being a mother of four, forced to flee your home again and again, each time leaving behind more of the life you once knew. Now, you find yourself living in a small, makeshift tent, without access to clean water, sufficient food, or medical care.

Now imagine your little daughter, sick with an intestinal infection caused by the polluted water you’re all forced to drink just to survive. You're doing everything you can to save her...but the medical bills are so high, and your family can barely afford to eat.

@ranafam2

Story written by @visionsofaselfmademan

This is reality for Rana ( @ranafam2 ), a a 37-year-old mother of four from Gaza. With a master’s degree in statistics and a husband who dedicated his life to teaching English, their lives were upended by relentless war. Her husband's educational centers, which once provided hope and opportunity to their community, were destroyed. Their home was reduced to rubble, and now they live in a small, overcrowded tent, struggling to survive.

As a mother, Rana battles lung infections caused by cooking over open fires due to the unaffordable cost of cooking gas. Her children are deprived of education, living in constant fear of disease and epidemics that plague the overcrowded camps. With no access to basic necessities like clean water, food, or clothing, their lives hang by a thread.

Despite these hardships, Rana fights tirelessly to protect her children and give them a chance at life. She dreams of escaping the horrors of war, ensuring her children can grow up safe, healthy, and educated.

Rana's heartbreaking struggle continues to worsen as her youngest daughter, who is under two years old, battles a severe intestinal infection caused by polluted water and a lack of proper nutrition and vitamins. The little girl is critically ill, but the family has no access to medical care or essential medicines to treat her. The scarcity of basic supplies like diapers only adds to the despair, as the family remains trapped in a cycle of illness and poverty in the overcrowded tent camps.

Epidemics are spreading rapidly through the camp due to the unsanitary conditions, leaving Rana and her children more vulnerable than ever. Rana, as any good mother in her situation would, feels hopeless and frustrated as she watches her daughter's health deteriorate.

Your help can provide the life-saving medical care, food, and clean water that Rana’s daughter so desperately needs. Every contribution brings hope to this family and a chance for their children to escape the devastating impacts of war.

Please consider donating to their campaign and sharing their story to help save Rana’s daughter and ensure a brighter future for this family.

You can donate to Rana's GoFundMe [HERE].

[baambied]

꣑ৎ 𝑫𝑰𝑫 𝑰 𝑫𝑶 𝑮𝑶𝑶𝑫?

cw. nsfw oral (reader!receiving) clit play vi cums untouched m.list basically vi discovering she has a praise kink

dom!vi × subfem!reader

vi stood by the kitchen counter, slowly cutting the carrots you sweetly asked her to do..tonight you two decided to just stay in and help eachother cook....you didn't cook much - if anything vi was the one who liked wiping things up in the kitchen...she's good chef ..yes - but an easily distracted one, she'd get distracted by you or random stuff on her phone causing some things to be slightly burnt but still very edible.

she's watching the meat cook on the stove? no problem! but she would slowly get distracted by her phone and eventually walking to the living room while watching random tiktoks and gets confused by the burning smell lingering from the kitchen (soon realizing she hadn't watched the food and you two had to order take out instead)

"are you almost done?" your soft voice called out to your girlfriend, you were finally done with chopping potatoes and onions and decided to finally check on vi who was given the job to chop the carrots.

"uhhh just- uh about done yeah!" vi spoke as she quickly cut the last carrot wanting to impress you with her 'amazing' cooking cutting skills, placing both hands on her hips with a smile as she looked down at her masterpiece.

you peered over her shoulder observing her work..pursing your lips as you eyed the perfectly cut pieces of carrots on the cutting board, vi's blue powder eyes eyed your reaction with anticipation, small cocky smirk on her face - she knew cutting vegetables was never something you enjoyed.. you never could get the sizes correct..

you breathed out, mind going back to the potatos and onions you had just got done with realizing you cut yours way to big, your hand softly caresses vi's lower back, your mouth leaning to vi's ear.

"you did so good baby, this all looks delicious" you spoke with a soft smile before walking away completely missing vi's suddenly wide eyes and red flustered cheeks in result of your words, her lips pressing together hardly as her face was put in a small frown..her stomach having a huge pit of butterflies that seemed to come out of nowhere..

what the fuck?

vi head whipped to your figure by the stove, mixing around the broth as you added seasonings in it, you then go back to pick up your knife to dice some of the vegetables you had just cut...small focused pout on your face as you began to dice them to make them smaller sizes like vi's carrots.

usually vi would smile and tease at you for your actions but her eyebrows stayed frowned as she turned back to look at the carrots on the cutting board.

the tingling sensation didn't leave her chest and the butterflies in her stomach continued flapping around... she thought about your words - how such a small sentence could have a big affect on her....

and why did she like it so much..

second time was when she came home after a long day at the gym, throwing her gym back on couch and groaning at her sore limbs, rolling her shoulders back as she slammed her body against the couch with a sigh.

"baby?" vi's tired voice called out for you as she listened to any sound of you throughout the apartment, she began to smile once she heard your feet pattering against the floor as you ran into the living room

"vi?- oh you're back so early!" you exclaimed as you went behind the couch and gave her backside a hug over it "how was the gym?" you questioned kissing her neck.

vi groaned as she turned her head towards you, eyes flickered over your face before she answered back "good..i guess - I'm so fucking sore though"

you smiled at vi and stood up straight, your hands on her shoulders as you began to pressed down and massaged them causing vi to let out a deep groan "hmmm - that feels good.." vi groaned out putting her head forward.

"bet you were so good at the gym, hm? - that's what you're all sore huh?"

vi could feel her cheeks flush up at your words, freckled face going red... her stomach suddenly getting all bubbly as she swallowed thickly..she didn't know if it was because of her sore muscles, stressed body she couldn't help but feel pent up at your choice of words..and the way you said it..so...seductively?? or was that vi's brain tricking her...

it was such a simple sentence but it left her body with a pleasant tingly sensation

ignoring the pulsing in her boxers she swallowed

"ye-yeah - was a long day.."

the time she was sure she liked being praised was when she was going down on you one day, vi was stressed due to her work and wanted to relax..but it seemed like everything she did made her even more tense and she couldn't understand why...she just wanted to feel good and relax...

which lead her to eventually have her head between your legs, her tongue slowly lapping at your slick,wet cunt , her bandaged hands tightly gripping her thighs letting out soft moans whenever she heard you whine in pleasure.

her movement growing faster as her lips sucked your clit roughly - she wanted to feel your cum on her tongue..she wanted to swallow you whole if she could

"hmm - v-vi- fuck!" you moaned out as both hands pulled at her hair causing her to let out a groan at your actions, she roughly slapped a hand on your thigh causing you to yelp and flinch

her head moving up and down, side to side on your clit with her tongue out..blue half lidded eyes staring up at you... her hips sometimes buckling on the bed to ease the pulsing between her own thighs.

her boxers were definitely wet with her own slick, she could feel herself clenching around absolutely nothing which only caused her to groan even further, she then leaned back causing you to whine at the lost of contact between her lips and your wet cunt, she moved her hand off your thigh and around..

her fingers now on your pussy, one finger slowly swiping through your wet, sticky folds causing you to gasp as your hips twitched..it was almost like vi was entranced, her eyes staring at your cunt as her finger slowly swiped through it her mouth agaped at the sight

"vi-vi please.." you whined out, buckling your hips "hm fuck - please vi"

vi's fingers stop at your clit, she began softly circling it with the pads on her fingers causing you to let out a moan as you spread your legs wider.

vi's head leaned back down as her tounge then develed in you cunt, she could feel your slick walls around her pink muscle, she could feel you clenching around her

"hm f-fuck! vi feels so good- i- I'm so close please.." you choked out, your hand moving towards your own breast,massaging them as your thumbs touched your nipples "y-youre so..good - so good for me.." your breathed out to vi

"you're - fuck! - making me feel so good baby...you're so good.."

it seemed your words flickered something in vi, her cheeks flushing redder at your sudden praise, her hips buckling harder on the bed beneath her when she felt her own pussy clench, wanting attention more than anything

vi moaned out against your cunt, moving her hand that was rubbing at your clit faster, while keeping her tongue still inside you pulsing hole..she wanted - no..needed you to cum on her tongue

"fuck! - I'm gonna!"you let out a loud, pitched moan as you could feel yourself cum undone on vi's tongue , your whole body twitching as your hips buckled in vi's face.....what you didn't notice was vi's own hips buckling on the bed, twitching for few seconds than stopping, her moving her hand on your hip to squeeze it for comfort at she felt you cum in her mouth...feeling herself cum untouched in her boxers

as you both calmed down, vi removed her mouth from your cunt, licking you up before leaning her head on her lower stomach, cheek pressed up against you, she could hear you breath hardly as you came down from your high..she could still feel her hips twitch as she also came down from hers..her eyes closed and both hands caressing your hips..

she wanted to ask

had to ask

"did - ...did i do good?" vi muttered out..embarrassment taking over her body as soon as those words left her mouth before she could say anything else your voice was heard

"you always do so good for me...the only one who can make me feel this good" you breathed out in response

the tingly sensation was back in vi's stomach as she heard your praise..cheeks pink as she closed her eyes, softly kissing your lower stomach in response.

[charminglygrouped]

For the past several years (and perhaps longer) in the P&P fandom I've seen a lot of people who want to rehabilitate Mrs. Bennet: like, sure, she's uncouth and seems greedy, but it's because she cares so much about her daughters' futures; her situation is actually really stressful and uncertain and she's powerless to change it and her husband makes fun of her, and so it's natural that it would cause her to be anxious all the time; maybe she doesn't have the intelligence or social awareness to understand that her behaviour is actually harming her daughters' prospects, but at least her heart is in the right place.

I'm usually not the type of person who argues that fandom is actually being too nice to a female character, but in this case I don't buy the counter-narrative (which I think is popular enough at this point to be fanon / a narrative in itself) about Mrs. Bennet.

For one thing, she was never really powerless in this situation. These people are rich even for gentry. Mr. Bennet's income was always good, at 2,000 pounds per annum (even though I can't believe he isn't neglecting some practices that could raise it higher). Mrs. Bennet had 4,000 pounds from her parents and a further 1,000 from Mr. Bennet. Invested in the 4 per cents (for example), this is 200 pounds per year in pin money that Mrs. Bennet could spend without touching the principle of her dowry, and without affecting Mr. Bennet's income. This is more than some people's entire yearly incomes.

The picture of Mr. and Mrs. Bennet that we get in P&P is not of people who are helpless against their circumstances, but of people who are extraordinarily neglectful. We're told that:

Mr. Bennet had very often wished, before this period of his life, that, instead of spending his whole income, he had laid by an annual sum, for the better provision of his children, and of his wife, if she survived him. [...] When first Mr. Bennet had married, economy was held to be perfectly useless; for, of course, they were to have a son. This son was to join in cutting off the entail, as soon as he should be of age, and the widow and younger children would by that means be provided for. Five daughters successively entered the world, but yet the son was to come; and Mrs. Bennet, for many years after Lydia’s birth, had been certain that he would. This event had at last been despaired of, but it was then too late to be saving. Mrs. Bennet had no turn for economy; and her husband’s love of independence had alone prevented their exceeding their income.

We also know that the "continual presents in money which passed to [Lydia] through her mother’s hands," plus her allowance and food, amount to about 90 pounds per year. Rather than saving up from the beginning in case the entail is not broken, rather than beginning to save once it's clear a son will not arrive, rather than making Jane's dowry the full 5,000 from her mother (which would be something) and saving up for the younger girls' dowries thereafter—which is what would be typical, and that's why Lady Catherine was so shocked that all the girls were out at once—Mrs. Bennet's housekeeping, dress, the girls' allowance, presents of money over and above their allowance, plus whatever Mr. Bennet is spending money on (and other expenses relating to servants, carriages, maintenance &c. which are unavoidable), add up to their entire income. The only reason why Mrs. Bennet doesn't overspend even that is that that's where Mr. Bennet puts his foot down.

Mrs. Bennet is actively harming her daughters' prospects, not even of marriage, but of living respectably if they don't marry, because she doesn't have the temperance not to spend all of the income that is allotted to her. It is the role of the woman in a marriage to take charge of the housekeeping, servants, cooking, furniture, and all expenses relating thereto (plus certain attentions to her tenants and any living in genteel poverty in the area, though presumably this will depend on her income and whether there's a parish church with a parson's wife who's doing some of these things). She's an adult who should be competent to manage these things in a reasoned way without needing to be dictated to.

It is supposed to be the role of the woman in a marriage to take charge of her daughters' education—and yet Mrs. Bennet did not hire a governess, and Elizabeth says that she didn't spend much time teaching her daughters anything (it's not clear to what degree she's educated herself). Granted, the girls did have masters—but, from the sounds of things, that was only if they requested them. No one was required to learn much of anything, which will probably further harm the marriage prospects of the girls who "chose to be idle."

I think the "point" of Mrs. Bennet is that she is one half of one type of bad marriage which the novel illustrates, in contrast with the Gardiners' marriage. These marriages are two possible models for the Bennet daughters to look to. At one point, Elizabeth's prospective marriage is explicitly compared to her parents', with her in the role of her father: Mr. Bennet says "My child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life" (emphasis original).

We might wonder whether Elizabeth saw herself potentially in the role of her father, in a marriage that was very intellectually unequal, when she rejected Mr. Collins; or whether she also saw herself in the role of her mother, married to a man who insults and doesn't respect her, when she rejected Mr. Darcy. Ultimately, she accepts Mr. Darcy after she realises that he is nothing like her father; that he is diligent in attending to his responsibilities, and that he does evidently respect her mind.

This isn't me defending Mr. Bennet, who is also a bad parent and a bad spouse. I do, however, find it a little disturbing when people suggest that Mr. Bennet is at fault for not controlling or curtailing his wife. His wife is a grown woman. Surely we don't actually believe that a situation where a man is legally in complete control over his wife, merely because he is a man and she is a woman, is in any way natural, moral, or just? (This also goes for people who suggest that Mr. Bingley needs to get his sister 'in line' 😬😬😬.)

Mrs. Bennet should be competent to manage her household and her daughters. Given that she's not, yes, Mr. Bennet, according to Georgian and Victorian ideas of the role of a man in a marriage, "should" have stepped in and started dictating to her. But I don't really think that's what Austen is suggesting went wrong here. The models of good marriages we have—the Gardiners, the Bingleys and Darcys after their weddings—are all ones in which the women were basically sensible people to begin with. In the latter two cases, we are told of particular ways in which the men stand to benefit from some mental quality of their future spouse (Elizabeth's good humour and ease in company; Jane's steadiness and determination).

The ideal which some Georgians had of a husband's role being to shape his wife's intellect doesn't seem to be what's being advocated here. If Mr. Bennet made a mistake, it was in marrying a silly, selfish, ill-tempered woman to begin with, not in failing to browbeat her into submission once he found out that she was silly, selfish, and ill-tempered. The idea is that you should choose your spouse carefully. But that message doesn't work if Mrs. Bennet is just a woman in a difficult situation who has her heart in the right place.