#cause my mind thinks weird things.
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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What
"it never once occurred to him what my real strategy was: letting him win. Because winning made him feel special. And good God, did he want to feel special"
Calls Ford a tool but sings praise of tools WOW
#billford#bill cipher#standford pines#thisisnotawebsitedotcom#even his lies are lies#gravity falls#gf#im not okay#HELLO???#what if i kms#triangle man has weird ways of showing he cares#if you can call it that#i like how Bill mentions half of Ford's mind being 18#is that like some stunted growth thing because of his childhood???#maybe it's cause if i remember correctly he couldn't really depend on his parents for praise and emotional support#and at the time he depended on Bill for something Ford's parents didn't provide#and because he had like no friends#the book of bill#i can also see Ford thinking that all he's worth is his genius and nothing else about him was in any way special#cus if he might've thought that if he wasn't smart he would just be some random average guy with freaky hands#my heart kinda hurts now
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Detroit Become Human and why does this game decide that the problem in society is individual people treating androids poorly because those androids are choking them out of the workforce and NOT the corporations and governments who deliberately designed the androids to do this
#AUGHHGHH#I promise you dbh is still one of my favourite games I really do#But ohhhhhhhjghh my GODDDD it makes me mad#Like ESPECIALLY this year. With artists and writers being so fucked by ai#Like the game has less than no sympathy for people who were screwed over by cyberlife deciding their labour wasn't worth anything#Like everybody has to be a strawman. Everybody has to be the violent 'android bad because (some vague reason that draws on the#'immigrants are stealing our jobs' line despite the fact that these things aren't equivalent at all)#Like yes. Robots being placed in positions where a real human would be paid a real wage to do that job is bad. This is a bad thing#But the game. Does not CARE#It's so morally neutral for cyberlife to be allowed to mass produce androids in the middle of a poverty epidemic that they created#It's fine! Says Detroit Become Human because everyone rendered homeless or struggling by this company's actions is a violent drug addict#Or something#It's like HUH#H U H#This game was so enamoured with it's weird bad civil rights allegory that it forgot that people do actually need jobs to uh. Pay to live#Because things are hell#And I think it could've been SO much better if the game acknowledged this AS WELL as acknowledging that no android chose this#Like a fresh deviant didn't ask to cause a real person to not have a job. The company who made them did#But dbh doesn't care. Cyberlife is morally neutral in this. I swear#Loses my mind this game is such a mess#Uhhh if anyone's reading this please don't get mad at me I promise I do really love this game. Like this game is the reason I#Met the love of my life. I am physically incapable of hating this game#I just think it's so worth discussing the ways it fails in (what I think is) a constructive manner#detroit become human#game analysis#I guess#If anyone has any contributions or disagrees with me I would LOVE love to hear. Genuinely I love talking about things like this#Essay in tags
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I showed my mom a Cross body pillow and she was like 'oh yeah well we can order that for Christmas'
#she knows about all the utmv stuff#cause I tell her about it#she thinks it's neat#mostly cause she knows I like it lol#I don't think she thinks it's cool or anything#but she likes knowing what I like and what fandoms I interact with#she knows what a ship is#also headcanons#she knows about the tumblr sexyman polls#she thought that was fun#anyways don't mind me gushing I love my mom a lot#granted about the body pillow thing she doesn't know it's likeeeeee weird#the one I showed her is SFW#but it's got a connotation anyway#which she isn't aware of#she has seen the Mpreg Cross drawing#sorry toffee
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Maybe I’m stupid (likely) but I feel like Gojo resembling Toji in his battle with Megumi!Sukuna is trying to show that he is a paternal figure in Megumi’s life. Like the two different sides of Megumi’s male paternal figures (or I guess the two most consistent male adult figures in Megumi’s life)??? I don’t buy that Gojo was a father figure for Tsumiki and Megumi (to me he was more like Spencer from ICarly lmao) but like…i feel like the outfit similarity is trying to say something about their relationship on a familial or paternal scale…but im too dumb to fully phrase this how i want so maybe just ponder on this for me hahaha
#this doesn’t make sense lol I’m just confused#I can read so many books and get the subtext and all that#but there’s so many conflicting things about jjk due to translation error or whatever#so I’m like…maybe I’m over thinking this???#im a Megumi thinks of Gojo as family and vice versa truther though so im biased#but since im catching up on everything i ended up seeing discourse around the dadjo takes#and this question popped into my mind lol#anyway thank you for coming to my ted talk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu gojo#gojo satoru#toji fushiguro#megumi fushiguro#jjk#ok and to clarify I don’t mean paternal as in dad#I mean it like Gojo was a consistent adult figure for those children#they would naturally defer to him as a paternal figure after enough exposure#cause I see things saying Tsumiki raised him which yeah she did#but to say Gojo wasn’t present as an adult authority figure is wrong imo#it was a mix of Tsumiki raising him day to day and Gojo making regular visits I think idk translation gets a little weird there#but yeah paternal =\= dad Gojo is what I’m trying to say
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ohhh boy i forgot about this plot point.
i don't think kevin applying for an overseas job is wrong. i don't even think him suggesting that penelope apply with him is wrong. he's allowed to want to move forward in his career and he's allowed to ask his girlfriend to come with him.
what i do think is wrong is that he doesn't bring it up until right before the final interview. i'm hesitant to suggest this because i know kevin gets a little bit of a ron the death eater* treatment from the fandom, but it feels almost calculated. that's a major life decision you're forcing someone to make very quickly. he says he "didn't want to say anything to [her] until it was real" but even if it's not calculated (which i don't actually interpret it as being, the possibility just crossed my mind) i still think it's a shitty thing to pull on your romantic partner. it's softened a little by the fact that he says he's known for "a few weeks" so it's not like she would have had tons of time to decide in the first place, but like...dude. you don't spring that on your partner while literally dressed for the final interview. are you twelve?
*i believe some, if not all, of the ire kevin lynch gets is because of some stuff that happens later that i'm mostly unfamiliar with, so it's very possible that the vilification i see has more justification. but i do think at least some of it is because he gets in the way of other, more popular garcia ships. (that's not to say i like him or that i like him with garcia. i don't lmao).
#i think garcia deserves better#a woman perhaps#emily perhaps. jj perhaps. both perhaps.#i remember she also does a shitty thing at the end of this episode although i'll admit i'm hazy on the specifics#i'll update w my thoughts on that when i get there#penelope garcia#criminal minds#criminal minds s04e23#criminal minds 4x23#roadkill#not fic#criminal minds rewatch#character analysis#scene analysis#i suppose#my gifs#sorry idk what's causing that weird texture on the first one
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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god i cannot wait to be off these steroids…
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- it’s late n i’m kinda pent up abt this#i’m so TIRED of themmmm#i’m probs gonna be on them for the rest of the year. which SUCKSSS#i don’t like how many ppl comment on the moon face#i don’t mind it. like i look in a mirror and i’m okay.#it’s a little weird. but like. just because it’s different. like getting used to a new haircut#but every time i see someone for the first time in a bit it’s ‘woah your face got rounder’#and i have to go ‘oh yeah it’s water retention- steroids thing it’ll go away when i’m able to go off ‘em’#and they go ‘oh alright :) you still look good btw don’t worry’#and i just. i HATE how people talk about it!! like jfc. it’s so clear that they think it’s like kinda sad#my dad said he thinks it’s cute and he’s the only one i actually think is telling the truth there#my mom and i agree that it doesn’t matter. but even then she tries to tell me not to panic#like a little extra squish in my face is something to panic over#it’s so clear that so many people see it as another thing to pity#oh poor thing. has that chronic illness for the rest of her life. and the steroids made her jaw look rounder :(#like jfc i knew fatphobia was prevalent but come the fuck on. literally i’m like barely retaining water for steroids too#like. i’m still very much skinny (i JUST finished being malnourished ffs) but bc i’m retaining water in my face#now ppl feel the need to comfort me. over this tiny cosmetic thing that does not matter#like. i wouldn’t feel weird abt it if it weren’t for everyone else making it such a THING. why is everyone so weird about it#i’m not insecure about it but when ppl try to comfort me or go ‘it’s not that bad’ it makes me feel like i’m SUPPOSED to be insecure abt it#and it drives me NUTS. bc there are things about being on steroids that i would love to be comforted about#but the water retention is not one of them. i couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the water retention#y’know what i’d like to be comforted over? the mood swings. the irritability. the insomnia. the appetite fluctuation#the slow healing of skin. thinning and dryness in the skin. having to take like 3 other medications alongside the steroid#bc taking the steroid causes side effects that need to be medically treated or prevented#even outside of the steroid! i’d like some comfort about having to build back my stamina from scratch#i’d like some comfort about having the worst balance i’ve had in years#there’s. more to this. but i’m out of tags. maybe i’ll make some replies idk. i’m just. UGH
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.
#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY????????????#can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before#is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people#i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this#was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something#“best way to learn is to observe the men around you” OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT????#bruh i can barely make eye contact w people...#my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever.#i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries#“men dont smile at people.” well they should.#ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet#“dont move with your hands” YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART#i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself#i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit.#at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are#my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing#im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that#shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them#i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like#in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves.#its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like.#regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like???#you can do what you want???? why do we care????#and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism#i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people.#i cant wrap my head around it at all#not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing#(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way)#unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason
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btw i am still alive now that i have recovered from swiftkirchen and i hope you are all doing super well this summer! i am FLYING through my reading list atm which is amazing and i am feeling more and more inspired for things (footballer!paz anyone? roommate!paz as well maybe?) so hmu in the inbox it is TIME TO THIRST
#this month has been so crazy#being an adult is constantly switching from bone deep exhaustion to fully packed calendars for social things#and i love the social things don't get me wrong but like#i need time to rot#i need time to stare out the window and daydream#and i have had the bEST scenarios come up in my head just before i fall asleep#(aka the main way i get any of my writing outlined lol)#but i have barely even opened my laptop in the past two weeks#never mind written anything down#anyway what i am trying to say is that i think this 'forced' break kind of got my muse going again#i am thinking of all the things and i even wanted to write a little bit for biker!Paz again which#let me tell you#has not happened in a LONG LONG time#also also#sarah made me the PRETTIEST BESTEST AWESOMEST friendship bracelets for calm and the one#and obv i am now thinking again of that other bodyguard!paz idea i had going in my brain that one time#cause i kind of forgot about The One???#but also did i ever tell you guys about the modern calmer au i was thinking of?#bc i had a weird/uncomfy rideshare experience recently#and nothing happened and i was never unsafe at any point#but boy oh boy do i think this would fit in that au#anyway#i know there are some asks in my inbox that i never got to so maybe i'll get to it today!#may rambles
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top 5 things that are wrong with the delivery guy?
no but why is this so funny
ok, i guess it's time to spill the tea (just keep in mind most of these are just things that i've heard from someone & i'm not 100% sure any of this is true):
he's divorced & i've heard that he's been cheating on his (now ex)wife - don't know if the cheating part is true
he had problems with drugs - again, i don't know if it's true
i know he had a girlfriend last year (i saw them together), i have no idea if they are still in a relationship but maybe??? again, not sure, i haven't seen her around for a while & if they are still together, don't think any less of me, i'm not even flirting with him, he's just there being hot & i suffer (i actually stopped flirting with him as soon as i found out he's not single, now we basically just talk and smile at each other when he's passing by)
i've heard he's been flirting with lots of girls at the mall (and even slept with some of them) - i can't confirm it's true, only one person told me this & that's not even a person i can 100% trust (i guess it may be a rumour circulating in our mall)
despite all those things i still want him but i guess that's actually something wrong with me not him
#the only thing i know for sure is that he's divorced and he has a little daughter but i don't really mind like#i know he fucking loves that kid and it was super cute when he was talking about her today and showing me her pictures#i don't know i need a gun to shoot myself in the head#cause i can't help it#i think about him all the time and it kills me#and i noticed he spends more and more time in our store everytime he's there#fun fact: he didn't even have any packages for us today he just came here to tell me i look happier and we were just talking for a while#i mean him me and my coworker i wasn't alone#that was weird af cause he never does that#the unwanted delivery guy*#(funny how we call him unwanted when we all know damn well i want him)#i saved every letter you wrote me*
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Me: I don't know what to do with Veronica's character in post s8 au, I don't want her to be Just Lance's sister and Kuron's friend with Pidge's storyline slapped on her, but also I'm not really sure about her character. Sure there's the whole lying to her family thing but I don't think that's enough?
Brain: ok so what if Veronica started out as trying to look for what was Lance upto but she ends up being so obsessed with finding the truth that not only she repeatedly puts herself in harms way but also the original goal falls on wayside.
This could be her way of dealing with trauma which is getting engrossed in the Mission and a problem to fix while suppressing her grief and refusing to actually acknowledge her problems and her own emotions a foil to Kuron's arc that is him being literally driven by emotions. She's angry at Lance for leaving without a word and angry at her family for their clinginess, however she keeps it to herself and just avoid them pretending everything is fine and normal
Also a foil to Lance who started as trying to figure out what was going on but as soon as he realized that 1) Allura and Kuron are still sorta alive 2) he can bring them back, he got obsessed with it consequences by damned.
Plus through her we can actually explore how quintessence actually effects and changes humans rather than become aware of the end result
Also there's something a character who is obsessed with truth but is also such a frequent liar
#There's a lot more but it involves changing a lot of elements of this au and explaining half assed elements and scenes in my head#post s8 au#post s8 posting#Just realizing she's having a jon sims arc. Good for her! Atleast she won't accidentally cause an apocalypse#It is still very draft and beta and I keep changing things in it as soon as I think of something cool#I kinda want Lance to be like at first seeing him living a 'normal' life but also there's something clearly Wrong#Veronica seems to be always busy and gone and never there. Shadows and crows being weird#and a voice asking him 'Did you make right choice?' And 'Remember' and 'wake up'#only to reveal that he has been living in a fake reality and a lot of his family is dead#yk that one scene in dunmeshi where Laois digs up and stares at Falin's skull. Lance digging up a grave and be like 'Dad?'#it's representational in his own head. And Lance created this fake reality as a form of denialism#Veronica at first being standoffish not being completely honest with Kuron#Lying to Kuron and her superiors about where she had been making her sus#Kuron not knowing that Lance was the one who brought him back until much later#only that *Someone*was reaching out to him in Shiro's mind and made his body#The family is dead and Lance was living in fake reality reveal happens just as Veronica starts being honest with Kuron#Few of the family members are killed due to retaliation from an extremist galra group#A hot topic in coalition meetings which is a way for connecting Hunk!!!! To the plot!!!!!#I love you my brain!!!#Sorry this is so fucking incoherent
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What does everyone think of Nigel Forbes-Colbie ever getting pregnant? It doesn't matter how you interpret it: Omegaverse, males can get pregnant Au, Trans! Nigel. Just tell me your guys' headcanons of Nigel's pregnancy: The changes, the hardships, the softness, and the vulnerabilities.
#murderous intent#like minds 2006#like minds#alex forbes#nigel colbie#Alex Forbes X Nigel Colbie#Nigel Colbie x Alex Forbes#If you guys haven't noticed my recent posts I've been feeling way too soft for this fandom#Like#Too soft#And it's both Nigel and Alex's fault for making me too soft when all I want is to cause chaos and do crimes#To be honest I'd like to Imagine Nigel's pregnancy as an arduous one: Swollen feet . Sore back. Weird cravings. Mood swings. Everything.#And he isn't used to seeing himself get swollen with life each and every day. While Alex is so gullible first thing in the morning because#of the baby bump growing every single day. And Nigel getting rounder every week.#Sure. Nigel is enjoying being pampered by Alex with all these services and gifts but sometimes he thinks that he isn't that attractive#Anymore for Alex. And that while he's carrying his children he will leave him like a used toy.#He'd have instances where he'd feel conflicting feelings for their child and think of possibilities of removing her from his body#But he'd soon regret it. He just breaks down into tiny little pieces of ever thinking of their daughter that way. His and ALEX"S#He can never stomach killing her. He can never stomach ruining her beautiful life that he has yet witnessed.#He still has his self-harm tendencies but he avoids it. He avoids harming his angel. His miracle. His life.#He wants to be a good father to his child. He wants to nurture her. Feed her knowledge and love. Cater to her needs and be at her beck#and call: be a father.#Alex knows what's happening to Nigel. They talk. And they talk everyday. He knows how much it can be hard for Nigel during his pregnancy#And he will always be there to protect his spouse and his unborn child.#He will spite their original purpose in order to create their own purpose. Which Nigel had a hard time letting go of.#It was hard. Seeing the history that made them into the people they are today. But it had to#they had to change#change for their family.#For their miracle.#And Nigel seeing Alex being this doting makes him fall for him ten times more
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The temptation to vague about something in the milgram-confessions blog because its something thats bothered me for Actual Years about certain fandoms vs letting it go because when it is brought up its actually done somewhat tastefully and reasonably which makes me happy and this anon probably didnt mean it in the incredibly bad faith way I keep on seeing it be repeated so really Im getting upset over nothing.
#the answer is: ramble a bit in the tags just to get it out of my system#for some elaboration: Im asian! I have a knee jerk reaction when people go 'the westerners are projecting their values onto the east again'#because 9/10 of the times someone does that they're an American who wants to justify their weird racism/homophobia#by using the idea that asian countries (especially Japan) are backwards and/or ignorant but disguising it as 'being mindful of their cultur#and also then homogenizing them and pretending their all a monolith to be assholes to people!#and/or completely dismiss any possible criticism or interpretation for a series as a cultural values thing#this one fucks me up especially because usually there IS Merit in those interpretations/criticisms#but a concerning amount of people then go 'oh your just pushing your cultural values onto them' as a smokescreen to be a bunch of assholes#and/or discredit their ideas because Clearly All (insert x group here) think EXACTLY THE SAME and BELIEVE FULLY in whatever cultural#idea their using to justify this behavior#Ive Seen actual good discussion on differences in culture!#especially in another fandom of mine#but the worse option has happened so much that when I hear someone say those words alarm bells start ringing#its bad faith! I know its bad faith! But Ive engaged the worse option in good faith and came out wanting to punch someone A Lot More#Ive seen actually good faith discussions of cultural difference in this fandom sometimes! Its really nice but It scares me#cause im just Waiting for Someone to come in and ruin it#can you guys tell ive seen too many bad anime video essays? Ive seen too many bad anime video essays.
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