#somethings too expensive or whatever
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「You're thinking 'people from Kansai are stingy' aren't you. ... Actually it's just me who's personally stingy.」
literally me but with uk/europe/whatever distinction americans decide to assign me
#very inaccurrate translation but reckon thats the gist of what its saying#also her dialogues so hard to understand#often ill put something in google translate and it wont know but way more with her#dunno about japanese regional stereotypes at all other than 'kansaiben is weird' which it is and the annoying escalater thing#anyway like europe is definitely stereotyped as stingy and being where ive been like uk is europe which it is anyway but perspective etc#like i tend to forget sometimes people from america and stuff get confused when i talk about 'europe' meaning the not here bit#ive more heard the stereotype that scottish people are stingy not whole uk or specifically england but like i dunno?#when your in a different continent the specific stereotype isnt really relevent and to them im just whatever especially#non english speakers im just european#anyway im just stingy cause im stingy not cause if where im from#though i happen to think all americans are way not stingey enough and weird about money#its weird though even amoung students stingyness is way more socially acceptable in uk/parts of europe maybe australia and nz i dunno#but like americans and japanese people for example tend to not be so much like that#america is like really weird though like the extent theyll act like its shameful to not want to buy expensive stuff for no reason#im not saying being poor is never looked down on here but among normal people its considered normal to not want to burn money#and like not being able to afford expensive stuff? like thats totally normal? i dont live in a bubble?#most people i know are middle class or lower middle class like a lot of them are anyway#though to be fair im mostly talking about americans from what ive gathered from the internet though in real life they are less likely to sa#somethings too expensive or whatever#its funny this is about a regional identity but i compared it to my national or even larger scale one#well cause when you go somewhere else it becomes that often my identity even in my mind is just westerner or non american or english speake
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Feb 1 2024 Hourlies -> first day of my period -> my sleep schedule is backwards and I did it 12am to 12am style even though it technically is part of my yesterday and not all of my today
#hourly comics day#im a little mad bc i have my perios rn but im tired of people complaining about art being too cliquey or gentrified oe whatever#like calling hourly comics day something for rich kids. grdjjgkdmd#you can do it ugly. let yourself try. you dont need the expensive supplies and lots of time#i had fun drawing this bad and not editing it#it doesnt have to be a masterpiece to be worthwhile or enjoyable#hourlies#2024 hourlies#my art tag
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#I'm a mix of those way too expensive chocolate bar bottles and only when eating something spicy#tumblr polls#...the fuck else do I tag this with? Milk?#Yeah sure whatever#milk
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browsing 2026 vacations that i won't be able to afford to let God know i trust Him to get me this job <3
#lilac rambles#i want to take my mommy to santorini and my dad to italy okay#the siblings can pay for themselves idgad#theyve always wanted to do a mediterranean cruise sort of thing and if we go in like '27 or '28 it can be a 30th anniversary thing for them#and an early 30th birthday thing for me#(they got married in october '97 and i was born in late september '98 dont you people even TRY to call me a bastard#anyway#it would just be very nice to do something like this#especially bc by 2028 my sister will be done with nursing school and my brother will have been done with electrician training for years#and hopefully my other sister will be done with whatever training for the trade she goes into so everyone but the baby would be#gainfully employed and she can just sleep on a couch or something lol#so we'd theoretically be able to split the cost of our parents' + e's tickets in a way that wouldn't be too expensive#we haven't all gone on vacation since my grandparents took us before my grandpa died and that vacay was in 2013#so it would be fifteen years since the last one!#anyway. we'll come back to this in '28 and see what happens then lol
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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again#and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed#delete later#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you#i miss that i want that back#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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doinggg bad
#</3#i don't know how to feel about therapy. maybe it was a bad idea#and maybe i have always been resistant to treatment! so how do you fix the resistance itself if the treatment can't get in#sick of it all. i guess i felt like it was supposed to make me feel better but i just feel worse#it feels like we're doing the “just don't be a stupid baby idiot who believes things that aren't true”#[[← this phrased psychologically]] song and dance again. yk?#so i guess i just feel attacked. don't tell me i'm an idiot that's what i'm trying to move on from + live a normal life despite it🙄#also i keep thinking about this exchange that boiled down to me saying i don't think more thinking and more cognitive restructuring and mor#willpower will help because it hasn't helped all this time and basically saying i have a hard time believing i can just choose to change ho#i feel. and her asking then what do i think would change how i feel‚ if not my thoughts. and i said i don't know etc. that's why i'm here#(i must've elaborated or said something else too it's whatever). but i should've said substances! i should've said hysterectomy hell i#could've said lobotomy. i wish i had said substances so she would know where i stand#it's whatever. it's fine i can just stop going a few months from now if it seems like we're getting nowhere#bit expensive for even that but i'll just‚ i don't know‚ budget. or not move out for a while#kata.txt
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as a person who likes food but hates making food i cannot recommend enough just having packages of little Things in the fridge. catch me at 9pm on the floor in front of the fridge eating bagged salami nuggets, crumbled goat cheese, mini pickles, and throwing a drop of fruit concentrate in my mouth intermittently
#it hails#unfortunately it's expensive. luckily it lasts quite a while unlike a charcuterie board#'high density fruit condiment' is something that can be so. SO tasty. i have sour cherry. it's so fucking good#shredded or sliced cheese also goes good here. whatever u desire#radishes too. nibble a radish 🫵
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my dad just brought it to my attention that Dick Van Dyke is 99 tomorrow (which is like. wildly impressive), but it reminded me that I just wanna put it out there that even though I don't talk about it on tumblr, The Dick Van Dyke show still holds up and probably informed a decent chunk of my taste in comedy
#pickle pontificates#i watched a lot of i love lucy growing up too and i still have fondness for that one#lucille ball is obviously an icon and did great work#but i think it ran too long and there's more variation in the quality#it also tends to be more mean-spirited sometimes#the dick van dyke show though holds up pretty consistently across the board#it did a great job of balancing comedy at the characters' expense with treating them like real people and taking them seriously#and being sympathetic toward their struggles#and. yeah no now that i think about it that definitely is a standard i still hold comedy to#the cast also just had incredible comedic chops across the board#there's just something about rose marie as sally in particular that i still really love#and probably kicked off my affinity for whatever you would call that character type#yeah. it's really good. haven't watched it for a while but I STILL have running jokes based on it#my sister's online username was actually spawned by that show
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how to make business plans: spend 2 weeks looking for a website to make a visual plan guide that you can collaborate with business partners, but you end up nowhere because all of them require paid subscriptions to do more than a few basic things. except you don't want to pay for these because you don't have a business yet and therefore no money!!!! but you need more than basic features (basically you can only put 50-100 items on your board with free account and i will definitely need more)
#WHY DOES EVERYTHING ON THE INTERNET HAVE TO BE SUBSCRIPTION NOW#i miss the days where you could use a website and all the features for FREE.#or at best only have one-time fee or subs for advanced stuff only profitable big businesses need and can also afford#the average person is starting to get locked out of the internet. we already pay for the internet itself. everything is too expensive#i need to make my own business so i can afford to live but everything to mae a business costs too much!!!!!!!#im too autistic for this shit. “this shit” being “a profitable member of society”#i cant get a big cool job to make a ton of money and then afford to easily become a millionaire#i bet most millionaires and all billionairs didnt work a day in their life to afford to start their businesses#and if they say they did they lie#lee rambles#i found a free unlimited one but you have to download the program and save everything locally#so it doesn't look like you cam collab with other people which defeats the purpose of what im trying to do 😭#i wanted to use milanote or whatever its called because i liked how you can link separate pages to keep things clear/uncluttered#but i dont want to pay $12 a month i think it was? to put more than 100 items on the boards. that goes so fast#but i might have to use it and just cram things together in a messy fashion to not hit that limit......#you can double the amount by referring people to make an account but still. i hate bekng limited#and being forced to pay to not have limits!!!! let me be free and only pay for advanced stuff i can live without for fuck sake#i dont know what im doing. but im making an attempt to business or something
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once again im trying to find some obscure song by 2 lines of lyrics i remember from some 4 years ago
#tütensuppe#the group before mine at the dance school would often play it last before they finished#the course i went to was canceled because of covid (and i dont think they reestablished it bc the hobbyists dont generate enough money ig)#and the song is still haunting me :/#edit i checked their website and they got rid of the competitive course as well.. its partner dance only now#i really want to do something like that again but urgh finding something is such a chore#i also want to try climbing/bouldering but all the places ive found only offer all day tickets#if i want to go for an hour after work or whatever thats too expensive.....
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i think all i need to convince me to transition is for a version of me from the future to turn up and say it'll be ok
#personal crap#dysphoria talk#tbh it makes me really excited but also really scared#I'm scared i won't pass I'm scared I won't be able to get work anymore I'm scared it'll be expensive I'm scared it'll be imperfect#I'm scared it'll take a painful amount of time just trying to get started transitioning#I'm scared it'll redefine my existence and my life in a way that means I'm treated much worse#but most of all I'm scared it won't make me happy because all that will weigh down too much on me#but at the same time it does make me happy. it makes me so happy when i dress femme and people say it's cute or pretty#it makes me happy to wear femme stuff and have people call me a girl's name#it makes me happy to imagine myself living as a woman and being seen as one#in terms of stuff in my life i think i hope for that more than my daydreams about writing a tv show or being in a band or whatever#because it's something i could do and those things kinda aren't
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#I went to my doc appt today and got a specialist referral#because he basically said he had no idea what was happening#he also put me on a name brand med because apparently the generic may not be as effective#it’s 3x more expensive but I can still afford it probably#hopefully anyway#I told him to send it in because I need to try something#anything really#I’m feeling ok but I’m just so tired of this#but I’m relieved I have a better doctor at least#and I resent every other doctor who neglected to treat my illness prior to this#I can’t help but wonder if I’d gotten treatment sooner if things would be better#but if I think too much about that I’ll make myself feel worse#whatever#chronic illness#ax says stuff
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why do women's lemon scented hygiene products smell different from men's lemon scented hygiene products?
#i needed a new deodorant. in the supermarket i usually go they have only like 3 options so i get one of those#today i went to a different supermarket and it had so many options and i was looking at them for maybe 10 minutes#and like theyre so expensive. what do you mean 120€/lt??#anyway i bought a men's deodorant that is lemon scented bc i like lemon scented things and it also said it was for sports and it was on#the cheaper side (only about 50€/lt which still sounds like too much but whatever)#anyway after i got home i opened it to see how it smells and it smells like men's cologne 😖#and okay ngl it kinda gives me some gender euphoria but at the same time i dont want people to think i smell like men's cologne#i should have just bought a neutral scent like i always do or maybe a flower one#see this is why i dont like having too many options. i panic and buy something i regret#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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Guess who's doing Assen paddock day without going to the actual race weekend??
#myself#it would have been too expensive and I would have to do it alone which I don't want to because camping on a place with tons of drunk men#doesn't seem ideal on my own#and watching races at home you see more anyways#I would absolutely love to do the whole weekend but yeah the circumstances are against it#kinda sad that I can't say “Oh I was there” when something insane happens in the races but whatever#atleast I'll get to meet my guys (hopefully)#Deniz I am coming for you!!
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Finally took the time and effort to download cunk on earth and it didnt dissapoint lol. too bad it was only 5 episodes. Been thinking the entire day what else should i download to watch, but got overwhelmed by the thought of there being so many fucking shows. So i'm rewatching one of Sips_'s skyrim playthrough for propably the 5th time instead. (While i'm splitting threads for a massive crosstitch bc the hands gotta be busy.)
#I'd really need someone to sit me down to watch whatever with them i am so teerible at it by myself#I find myself lacking inspiration a little...#I think I had too high expectations opening comms thinking I'd get something to work on right away#so i'm kinda struggling to do any of my own projects atm#i'm also wondering if the google forms thing is too complicated or if my prices are too high#but i've seen so many use forms that i thought it would be an easy method of contacting#and prices are what the are - utilities and groceries are so fucking expensive now#i dunno i've just entered the spiral of doubts so quickly i need to chill out.#sorry for random tags rant lmao i had to get that out i guess#i just want to worrrrrk my brain is so wired for it atm#shut up yoi
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pain is temporary shara brainrot is eternal
#mar.txt#oc tag: shara#slowly working on a shara-centric fic.... it's going to have a lot of rambling things in parentheses bc of how they are#anyways i'm mostly joking when i call myself xyz thing's number one fan but also like. i am very much planning to save money to comm someone#for a giant plushie of them. and a figure/statue too if i'm able to comm someone for that#i can and will spend a ludicrous amount of money for merch of my faves especially when BOTH of them have little to Nothing#my dad says the plushie is a waste of money but like#it isn't to ME bc it'd make me happy and probably help me sleep and it would bring me comfort#is it not enough for something to do those things to make it have value? must it serve some other more 'important' purpose than simply#bringing me happiness?#i'm well aware that it'll be over $2000 (understandably! plushies are expensive to make by hand especially giant ones)#and i'm fine with that. i don't live on my own yet so i don't have bills to pay or anything so i figure i should treat myself with expensive#things i want while i'm still Able to#and i desperately want a plushie of shara. a shame i know nothing about plushie making so idk if what i'm envisioning is too complex or not#rather. i think it IS doable but idk if it's too complex for the person i'd like to comm to WANT to do it yknow#but tbh. i'll take whatever it is i'm able to get#anyways i got rambly in the tags again oops#i just think shara is neat and getting a giant plushie of them is a goal of mine
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