#cause i know if it were me i’d prob be like its no big deal 😩

[hwaslayer]

so let’s talk about the whole roses situation in pmylm ..

[taegyuun]

jealous jungwon

pairing: jungwon x reader

request: can u please do a jungwon jealous head canon ?

word count: 0.7k

genre: fluff, protective jungwon lols

warnings: probs swearing

notes: hi everyone! as you know, i haven’t written in a long long long time, and i was originally meant to post something for sunoo (which i’m still planning to) but for some reason this just sparked instant ideas and i really wanted to write it, so here it is. super sorry for my absence and i hope you enjoy!

alrighty

honestly speaking, i don’t think jungwon would get jealous very often, he’s the leader of enhypen and understands that everyone is their own person and he understands your character and personality

so he doesn’t really ever feel jealousy because he understands you and isn’t insecure about your guys’ relationship

however, he gets incredibly protective

i’m not sure why but i just imagine him as someone who is naturally almost idk possessive

like not in a harmful and negative way

but in a way of, “i love you so much and i care for you so deeply i’d risk my life for you”

but whenever he does get jealous, its like kinda a big deal

like he doesn't get jealous for some willy nilly reasons, he's mature yknow

so when he does get upset, i’d say its quite serious

like lets say you’re at some party together and youre talking to a small group of people but a specific person took a liking to you

not in a malicious way and trying to break you and jungwon up or anything 

they just weren't aware of your relationship status

but yeah anyway, you'd be talking to this person and practically spent the entire night with them, thinking you had made a new friend

obviously jungwon isn't some weirdo who doesn't let you make new friends, but the fact that this person was practically drooling over you and hadn't left your side for longer than 10 minutes irked him just slightly 

what annoyed him a tad more was that you didn’t seem to notice or at least ignored the fact that the person was all over you

he wasn’t about to blame you for the persons interest in you, but damn, couldn’t the kid just take a damn hint

at one point, he just got bored of seeing them drool over you and realised you hadn’t taken their actions as anything else but being nice and welcoming to you, clearly wanting to make a new friend

yeah wanting to make a new friend my ass 

he’d kinda just rock up to you guys and raise his brow at the other person in a “what are you doing” manner as if the person was acting like an absolute fool and causing second hand embarrassment 

honestly i think he’d be kinda scary when he’s jealous/protective

you notice a new presence next to you and look up, only to notice jungwon

“oh hey baby, i was wondering where you went��

jungwon smiled back in reply and kissed the crown of your head while interlacing your hands together, before making eye contact with the person stood in front of the both of you

the look on their face almost made jungwon laugh out loud as he tried to conceal a snicker 

“oh yeah, i wanted to introduce you to someone-” before you could even get your full sentence out and introduce your brand new friend to jungwon, he cut you off with a firm squeeze of your interlaced hands

“no need darling, we wont need to make any introductions, its our time anyway.”

you didn’t really question him other than raise your brows slightly, but because jungwon rarely acted like this, cold and straight forward with his words, you understood there was something going on and just gently nodded your head

you waved a small bye to the person you had spent most of the night with, with a small smile as you saw them curtly nod your way and head a different direction

“what was that all about won? they were really nice to me all night you know? i thought you would’ve liked them”

“hmm maybe i would if they weren’t trying to go after my s/o”

the surprised look on your face almost made jungwon pull his hand out of yours and facepalm

“how on earth did you not realise that they were flirting with you practically the entire night?”

“i don’t know, i thought they just wanted someone to hang out with” you shrugged your shoulders as jungwon swung an arm around them with a smile and a shake of his head at your nice nature

“why don’t you spend the rest of the night with me then, hmm? i think i deserve some of your time after you left me for them” he’d be pouting while saying all of this, obviously to wind you up, not really minding that you did your own thing

you’d look up at him and roll your eyes before placing a kiss on his cheek and watching his eyes light up even more as if that was possible, and a pale pink blush spread across his cheeks

[ectonurites]

do u have any thoughts on the whole “tim is zapped to time prison” storyline? bc i feel like it could have been pretty interesting and a good way to bring back young justice/tim’s memories more immediately if it hadn’t been such a blatant attempt to just get tim out of storylines bc they had no ideas for his character

sorry lol u don’t have to respond i just kind of wish people talked about this storyline more? and the fact that tim lowkey became one of the only people in dc with knowledge of the other timelines (i think so at least) and nobody really addressed it?? like going into the next phase where people learn about other timelines after death metal.... tim should already know some of this stuff right?

YES YES YES OKAY LETS TALK ABOUT THIS this got incredibly long because I just have a lot to say (and i included screenshots) and i prob got a little off topic but. but lets get started anyways:

i haven’t read that particular storyline in a few months so i might be missing/misremembering some details here, but that whole ‘time prison + future tim’ thing was like. a really really interesting concept and the implications/impacts it has are a big part of why i liked tynion’s detective comics run as much as i did even with it’s flaws in characterization (such as treating tim like he was jimmy neutron boy genius and making steph..... be all ready to quit/breakaway from the team like that. the steph quitting characterization really started i think in batgirl convergence and unfortunately has haunted her since, even though pre reboot never giving up was like...... one of her defining traits. dc i hate you sometimes) 

i think that one of the biggest things that bothers me about the situation is how little we saw most of the other characters in the batfamily grieve (aside from steph and some with bruce, but again the way steph was portrayed just... hhhhhh. it very much reduced her to ‘tims girlfriend’ more than i’d have preferred) but otherwise like...as far as I can remember there was maybe one line in that monsters crossover thing where dick mentioned tim was gone, jason had a single line about avoiding the funeral in rhato, i dont think they showed any reaction from babs at all until after he was back, and the most for damian I recall is at the end of the 2014 teen titans run (#24) where he looks at... a case with the old red robin uniform Tim wasn’t even wearing anymore when he died? and that just bugs me. Instead of getting to see the actual funeral we get one flashback to it way after the fact once Bruce already knows Tim’s not actually dead

But at the time when they all DID think he was dead? the closest thing we see was in that same teen titans issue (#24) there’s a memorial-type ‘sharing stories’ thing after the funeral with tim’s titans friends but.... we don’t see something like that with his family. tim is a major presence in these peoples’ lives, they are his family, when he gets sent into time prison its even SAID how loved he apparently is

its just... idk. they all thought he was dead, and if they had put more emphasis on showing not just telling how that effected EVERYONE (not just steph) in the batfam, it might have felt a lot less like they were just putting tim away until there was a story idea for him. (like obviously I know they can’t make everyone’s stories revolve around Tim, but I’d have way preferred a detective comics issue of the funeral/memorial with the family than having there only be a teen titans one, I think it would have... held more relevance & meaning... but instead they just went right into that monster crossover story instead of lingering on this)

but then the Tim story itself once it does pick up way later, with titans tomorrow/future tim coming along having that whole “tell conner you’re sorry” “who’s conner?” exchange with current tim... that opens up A LOT of things to think about, and I think was pretty interestingly done if i’m remembering correctly. future tim recognizes the timelines are different, and ya know goes off to try to change things further ("whaddaya got there?” “a gun to kill batwoman” “NO!!!!”), theres lots of fighting etc etc the good guys win as we expect, but once that’s all settled tim’s left there with this whole. thought process

which ya know is the big indicator there’s weird timeline/reality fuckery going on (or also the read here can be that tim and kon are so connected across all space and time that their bond can transcend anything even timelines and realities and reboots... “and they were soulmates” “oh my god they were soulmates”) 

ANYWAYS lets not forget that tim isnt the only one who learns about this other timeline stuff during this whole situation!

Brother Eye has records of future tim’s timeline, and cass & steph see who they used to be! and as soon as steph finds out ‘holy shit i was ROBIN and BATGIRL?’ she also desperately wants to know more! which then a bit later leads into young justice 2019 where instead of going off to college like they told Bruce they were gonna, Steph and Tim go get the help of Zatanna to see what might be going on in their brains with these timelines and weird feelings (as we see in flashback form in yj 2019 #5)

and HOO BOY DOES SHE FIND THINGS! she gets in there and finds out that oh yeah, their brains had very much so been tampered with, and with her magic she undoes some of it, by unlocking memories, and Tim finally remembers Conner! (also in case u were wondering, that panel is specifically a callback to this one from yj 1998 #17 when Cissie quit the team)

one thing that I think is weird/interesting/idk if it gets... properly addressed even, was that Zatanna also poked around Steph’s brain too and she didn’t remember everything? Might have something to do even with how Tim had been in time prison, might have taken less work from Z to open things up because of that? Who knows

additionally i wanna call attention to how he said “That entire chapter of my life” which... leading into my next point a bit... strongly leads me to believe even though he’s remembering some things he definitely does not have ALL of his memories back (because theres a lot more than just the young justice ‘chapter’ of tim’s life that was drastically changed by the new 52 & rebirth) 

BUT moving on, i wanna bring up this part from later on (after they figured out that there was a crisis that caused things in the world to change, which is why their memories/brains were messed with) in issue #16

so yeah, I think it’s indicated even though Zatanna brought back some memories and opened up his brain a bit, there’s still many holes, and some things seem more like dreams rather than memories and he’s probably unable to tell which are which on his own to some extent. (also for reference the real thing that Tim thought was just a dream is... likely yj 1998 issue #1)

So based on the things i’ve brought up here (which are the things I remember off the top of my head, I could easily be accidentally leaving shit out LMAO i haven’t fully read through any of these books in at least 3 or more months now) I think it’s safe to assume that Tim definitely has a head start on getting back his memories before Death Metal happens, but that it was by no means a complete thing. So the after effects of Death Metal are probably just gonna... be a little less drastic for him vs most other people because it was already happening, but it’ll be kinda filling in the remaining gaps? 

And like you said he is absolutely one of the few people that already knew about about the timelines/the fact that these crises have happened and changed things, but pretty much all the other young justice characters are also aware that there was meddling in the timeline/that multiple timelines and alternate universes like this exist since they were all together as a group when it got explained (in like. yj 2019 #15 i believe is where most of the explaining happens) (and cass as well is aware of things to some extent because of her and steph’s interaction with Brother Eye) but the difference is that Zatanna didn’t go into everyone’s brains, so they aren’t dealing with the same memory things as Tim (and possibly Steph? because again Z DID go in her brain, she just wasn’t able to unlock all the same things as she did with Tim) 

but yeah in general i SO wish this was explored more, both in canon and in fanworks (fanworks tho... that can still happen >:3c). Memories hazily coming in for Tim while Kon and Bart are able to confirm or deny things, him dealing with conflicting memories and feelings about his past as they trickle in... like I think we’ll start to see these types of things moving forward across a lot of titles with Infinite Frontier (i BELIEVE dont quote me on this but I BELIEVE the person writing Damian’s upcoming solo had mentioned in an interview that the memories coming back of the other timeline aren’t going to be an all at once thing but will be more gradual for most characters) but the fact that it theoretically had already been happening for Tim for MONTHS and we only got that one crumb indicating it in #16 of it instead of any actual exploration makes me SAAAAAAD 

[likelightningafterthethunder]

Like Lightning After the Thunder: Chapter One: Damned Smile

Fic Summary:

His breath wavered as he stared into Katsuki’s eyes. He knew he could get out if he tried. He could knock Katsuki out, hope that no one else would find them, and run back into the shadows where he belonged. Katsuki may have had him pinned down but he was in Denki’s range now and it would take little effort to send a charge through Katsuki to paralyze him temporarily.

It would take barely any additional effort to kill Katsuki.

As the sparks began to charge, lighting up the air around him, Katsuki refused to back down.

–

Katsuki always knew he was destined for great things.

He didn’t think he’d have to turn his back on all he’s ever known to get there.

Rating: T

Warnings: Eventual major character death, implied/referenced child abuse, psychological trauma

Other Tags: Bakugou Katsuki/Kaminari Denki, slow burn, alternate universe - canon divergence

Read on Ao3 (links to corresponding chapter) or read below

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Fic navigation to read the fic on tumblr 

--

Even years later, that damn smile haunted his dreams.

There was absolutely no reason for him to still think about the event. Everything had been taken care of when it had happened― injuries were treated, authorities alerted, information secured, and a press conference to tie it all up in a big red bow. There were no loose ends, no surprise second coming, no physical reminders of what happened lingering in his daily life. Katsuki would have labeled it as done, dealt with, and no longer relevant, shoving it aside in his memory so he could focus on actual important shit.

Except his mind had different plans.

When he was lucky, he could completely forget about the event for months. Other times, his dreams would be filled with nothing but that damn smile, taunting him with its silence. He could usually predict when the dreams would come― the anniversary of the event for example― but other times, it seemed like anything could trigger the memory. He once saw a bright yellow balloon and for the rest of the day, every time he closed his eyes he saw that damned smile, never wavering despite the curses and insults Katsuki spewed.

He wanted to forget it. He wanted so desperately to forget it. For the image to erase itself from his mind, for it to take the feelings away with it. He could deal with the anger, he could always deal with the anger, but when his memory reminded him of the wave of hurt and betrayal that nearly blinded him…

When his alarm jolted him from his sleep and freed him from the smile, he couldn’t get out of bed fast enough. He woke up drenched in a cold sweat, sheets singed and smoking lightly as he unclenched his hands, and Katsuki was, for once, very relieved that not all of his sweat was explosive. He slapped the singes a few times to ensure that all of the embers were put out before heading for the bathroom, cursing under his breath as he flinched at his own reflection in the mirror.

There was nothing particularly wrong with his appearance, if you didn’t count the dark circles under his eyes from a fitful night’s sleep or his clammy skin, but after being plagued by the smile, Katsuki could barely look at himself. His reaction to the smile made him feel weak, like he couldn’t handle himself and that there was something wrong with him. It was just a smile after all. There was no reason for him to react to it like a nightmare, no reason for him to lose sleep over it or to feel overwhelmed by emotions at the thought of it.

Yet when he saw the smile and saw how the corners of his mouth were tugged a bit too tight, how his eyes were open a bit too wide, how the only shine in his eyes were the reflections of light on tears that refused to fall…

Katsuki cursed.

The icy cold shower did little to help distract him from the memory, nor did his morning run nor the steaming shower he took after. He wasn’t supposed to head into the agency today, so he didn’t have any planned beatdowns for today, and yes he probably shouldn’t be hoping for it, but part of him hoped for a sudden emergency villain so he could distract himself by focusing on beating some villain’s ass into next week.

A few hours later when his phone refused to stop buzzing, Katsuki wondered if throwing his phone across the room until it stopped would be close enough to beating villain ass to work. He reluctantly decided that talking to people so they’d leave him alone was probably less hassle to deal with than having to replace his phone and distribute his new number (even if it would give him an excuse to ghost some of these damn extras).

A few individual texts and a group text were the cause of the buzzing. As the group text’s new message count continued to rise, he figured it would be easier to respond to the individual texts first. Just in case he changed his mind about destroying the phone.

Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): Hello Bakugou, this is a reminder about the upcoming Class A reunion. As the head of the reunion committee, it is my duty to ensure an accurate headcount for the event, and I have yet to receive your response about your attendance. Please ensure to respond via the following link by this Friday at 11:59PM. [Class A 10 Year Reunion RSVP]

Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): In case you missed the previous messages regarding the reunion, the event is March 28th starting at 7PM at the Shinjuku Hotel in Musutafu. If you need to rent a room for the night or the weekend, please alert the Shinjuku Hotel staff that you are part of the Class A reunion party by next Wednesday for an event discount.

Katsuki frowned. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to the possibility of being surrounded by all of his former classmates and even less at the idea of being socially obligated to spend the entire evening with them. At least when he met up with his friends elsewhere, he could always claim needing to leave early so he could make the last train or that work needed him to come in early the next day.

He closed out of the conversation, figuring he still had a few more days to decide if he really wanted to deal with his classmates for an entire evening.

Midoriya: Hey Katsugou! I was wondering if you’re going to go to the reunion? Tenya said the deadline to RSVP is coming soon and we haven’t heard from you, so I just thought I’d check in!

Katsuki: The fuck is Katsugou?

Midoriya: Oh sorry!! Typo!!

Midoriya: Anyway, are you coming?

Katsuki closed out of the conversation and moved on to the next one.

Shitty Hair: Katsuki! Are you coming to the reunion or not dude????

Katsuki: Fuck off.

Shitty Hair: Aww dude that’s no way to talk to your best friend, you know you love me!!

Katsuki: I’m blocking you.

He did not, in fact, block him. But he did close out of Eijirou’s texts.

Save for the newest text sent directly from Eijirou, all that was left was the backlog of texts in the group text. It had kept going off while he was reading the other conversations, so Katsuki figured it meant that everyone was either off for the day or on their lunch break.

Raccoon Eyes: guys!!!!! the reunion is COMING UPPPPPP!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: i cant wait to s

Raccoon Eyes: ee all of u guys again!!

Tape Face: lmao you saw us last week

Raccoon Eyes: yes

Raccoon Eyes: an eteRNITY ago

Raccoon Eyes: and like

Raccoon Eyes: kats left early so we didnt have everyone

Raccoon Eyes: so it doesnt count

Shitty Hair: Yeah Katsuki don’t leave early next time!!

Raccoon Eyes: we just have to hold him hostage next time

Raccoon Eyes: or like

Raccoon Eyes: AMBUSH him

Tape Face: i can always tape him up

Raccoon Eyes: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

Raccoon Eyes: tape him to the wall

Raccoon Eyes: and then like

Raccoon Eyes: steal his wallet

Raccoon Eyes: cant get on transit w no moneys

Raccoon Eyes: ei and han hold him down

Raccoon Eyes: i run to hide his wallet where he cant fi

Raccoon Eyes: nd it

Raccoon Eyes: probs keeps kats tapped to the wall all night

Raccoon Eyes: free up his arms so he can have a drink????

Tape Face: explosion palms dude

Raccoon Eyes: oh u right

Raccoon Eyes: he can just have a cup w like

Raccoon Eyes: a REALLY REALLY long straw

Raccoon Eyes: make sure u tape him up w his hands behind his back

Tape Face: you got it

Shitty Hair: He’s in this chat guys he’s going to see the plan

Raccoon Eyes: whatevs we can still totally blindside him

Raccoon Eyes: ANYWAYS

Raccoon Eyes: ure all going right?????

Tape Face: ya I rsvpd a while back

Shitty Hair: Yep!! Wouldn’t miss it for the world!

Raccoon Eyes: what about u kats

Raccoon Eyes: kats???

Raccoon Eyes: KAAAAAAAAAAAAATS

Raccoon Eyes: k

Raccoon Eyes: a

Shitty Hair: I’ll text him separately

Raccoon Eyes: t

Tape Face: he probably has this muted lmao

Raccoon Eyes: s

Raccoon Eyes: !!!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: how dare u ignore us

Raccoon Eyes: after everything weve done for u!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: thought we were ur ride or die hoes

Raccoon Eyes: dont tell me ur not going!!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: im so offended

Raccoon Eyes: how could u do this to us kats

Shitty Hair: Maybe he’s at work today?

Raccoon Eyes: boo

Raccoon Eyes: how dare he prioritize wo

Raccoon Eyes: rk over us

Raccoon Eyes: his best friends

Raccoon Eyes: the suns of his life

Raccoon Eyes: the bit of happiness in the cold

Raccoon Eyes: cold

Raccoon Eyes: cold

Tape Face: coooooooooold

Raccoon Eyes: COOOOOOOOLD

Raccoon Eyes: thing he calls a heart

Shitty Hair: Lmao

Tape Face: its got a bit of warmth

Tape Face: most of it is his temper

Raccoon Eyes: boom boom POW

Raccoon Eyes: well while we wait for kats

Raccoon Eyes: help me pick some photos for the slideshow!!

Tape Face: are you doing only UA pics or some stuff since then

Tape Face: somehow iida managed to not specify lmao

Shitty Hair: The info email was like ten pages, how did he miss it

Tape Face: idk

Raccoon Eyes: ive got plenty for both!!

Raccoon Eyes: momo said pref UA pics but some new stuff is good too

Raccoon Eyes: show how far weve come n all that

Tape Face: oh cool let me get some opinions then too

Shitty Hair: Anyone have any pics of the camping trip from second year?

Raccoon Eyes: before or after todoroki and kats’ fight turned it into a icy hot springs

Shitty Hair: Both lmao but probably before it went to hell

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: ofc ive got us chillin in the springs

Raccoon Eyes: well most of us

Raccoon Eyes: kats u never get in the water w us :C

Raccoon Eyes: lets go to the beach next time!!

Tape Face: hed prob boil the water w you in it if you dragged him in lmao

Tape Face: spicy acid time

Raccoon Eyes: id like to see him TRY

Shitty Hair: Don’t tempt him lmao

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: i got like a shit ton more

Raccoon Eyes: should i send some of THE FIGHT

Shitty Hair: Maybe not

Tape Face: yes

Tape Face: well

Tape Face: depends on how many pissed off katsuki pics youre putting in lmao

Raccoon Eyes: OH

Raccoon Eyes: OHHHH

Raccoon Eyes: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Tape Face: ?

Raccoon Eyes: dude

Raccoon Eyes: do u have the POMERANIAN pic

Tape Face: o shit

Tape Face: image.png

Shitty Hair: I still think Katsuki should’ve taken that pup home

Shitty Hair: They’re matching!

Tape Face: image.png

Tape Face: i also have this one

Tape Face: when she tried to bite his nose off lmao

Raccoon Eyes: kats couldve named her king explosion murder

Raccoon Eyes: or just murder

Raccoon Eyes: p sure she wouldve tried to murder kats at least o

Raccoon Eyes: nce

Tape Face: lmao she basically tried when he found her

Shitty Hair: Maybe it’s for the best that he didn’t keep the pup

Tape Face: look what i found

Tape Face: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: AWWWW YES

Raccoon Eyes: LOOK AT USSSSS

Raccoon Eyes: we look FABBBB

Shitty Hair: Is that from the dance?

Tape Face: ye

Raccoon Eyes: guys what if we recreate that pic at the reunion

Raccoon Eyes: the fits?

Raccoon Eyes: immaculate

Raccoon Eyes: the pose?

Raccoon Eyes: perfection

Tape Face: hotel?

Tape Face: trivago

Shitty Hair: I’m down for recreating some pics!

Raccoon Eyes: yessssss

Raccoon Eyes: u have no choice either kats u gotta do it

Raccoon Eyes: wherever u are

Shitty Hair: Oh he replied!!

Raccoon Eyes: SWEET

Raccoon Eyes: what he say

Shitty Hair: He said fuck off

Tape Face: as expected

Shitty Hair: Lmao he threatened to block me again

Tape Face: thought he said he was blocking you last week

Shitty Hair: Yea exactly

Raccoon Eyes: HOW RUDE

Raccoon Eyes: as punishment for not paying attention to us

Raccoon Eyes: im gonna send this

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Tape Face: LMAO whend you make that

Shitty Hair: Is that Katsuki with a cat face and ears

Shitty Hair: Dude I don’t know if he’s going to kill you for that or for the pink hair first lmao

Raccoon Eyes: lmao made it just now

Raccoon Eyes: well MAYBE if he ANSWERED us

Katsuki: Delete it.

Tape Face: O SHIT

Tape Face: you summoned him

Raccoon Eyes: NO I WILL NOT

Katsuki: Delete it Raccoon Eyes or else I’m coming for you.

Tape Face: are you coming for the left shoes and shittin in them

Raccoon Eyes: NOOOOOOO not my shoes!!!!!!!!

Tape Face: its just the left shoes tho

Raccoon Eyes: BUT THATS MY FAVE SIDE

Katsuki: What the fuck are you two going on about?

Raccoon Eyes: DONT COME FOR M

Raccoon Eyes: Y LEFT SHOES KATS IM SORRY

Katsuki: I’m not coming for your fucking left shoes. Or any of your shoes.

Katsuki: I will be coming for you if you don’t delete that picture, though.

Raccoon Eyes: FORGIVENESS

Raccoon Eyes: I BEG

Raccoon Eyes: PLSSSSS

Katsuki: Delete the picture.

Raccoon Eyes: ugh fiiiiiiiiiine

Raccoon Eyes: its deleted

Raccoon Eyes: i wont send it to momo for the slide show

Katsuki: Good.

Raccoon Eyes: IF U COME TO THE REUNION

Katsuki: Fuck off.

Shitty Hair: C’mon Katsuki!! It’ll be fun!!

Tape Face: ya it wouldnt do if we didnt have our exploding star

Raccoon Eyes: ill send momo WORSE if u dont come

Raccoon Eyes: nd u wont know WHAT til AFTER

Raccoon Eyes: so PLSSSSSSSSSS

Raccoon Eyes: PRETTY PLSSSSSSS

Raccoon Eyes: PLS COME TO THE REUNION

Raccoon Eyes: ill spam u a lot worse if u dont show us proof of rsvp

Raccoon Eyes: pls kaaaaaaaaats

Raccoon Eyes: kaaaaaaaaats

Raccoon Eyes: k

Raccoon Eyes: a

Katsuki: Ugh fucking fine, I’ll do the RSVP now then.

Raccoon Eyes: t

Raccoon Eyes: YAY

Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): Good afternoon, Bakugou! I just wanted to confirm with you that I have received your RSVP for the Class A reunion. As a reminder, if you need to rent a room for the night or the weekend, please alert the Shinjuku Hotel staff that you are part of the Class A reunion party by next Wednesday for an event discount.

Katsuki: image.png

Katsuki: image.png

Katsuki: Four Eyes is watching the RSVP form like a fucking hawk apparently.

Raccoon Eyes: YAAAAAY URE RSVPD!!!

Shitty Hair: You know him, always dedicated to his work

Tape Face: sweet

Raccoon Eyes: are u guys getting rooms

Tape Face: yea musutafus too far for a round trip

Tape Face: esp since itll prob end late

Shitty Hair: I got one for the weekend!

Tape Face: wbu mina

Raccoon Eyes: booked a room already!!

Raccoon Eyes: kaaaaats wbu

Raccoon Eyes: u should

Raccoon Eyes: we could have a brunch or lunch or s/t thats just us

Raccoon Eyes: plsssssss kats

Katsuki: I’ll think about it.

Tape Face: better than a no lmao

Shitty Hair: If they run out of space or if you decide last second, you can room with me dude

Raccoon Eyes: awww why not a yes

Katsuki: I haven’t asked the other Four Eyes for the time off yet.

Tape Face: is this four eyes no4 or no15

Raccoon Eyes: four eyes no69

Raccoon Eyes: no wait

Raccoon Eyes: no420

Tape Face: haha blaze it

Raccoon Eyes: BLAZE IT

Shitty Hair: It’s number 7

Katsuki: Fuck you, I don’t have that many Four Eyes saved in my phone.

Shitty Hair: I’d be surprised if you had 420 contacts period dude

Raccoon Eyes: would b hilarious tho

Katsuki: Yes, it’s Four Eyes number 7.

Shitty Hair: I was right!!

Katsuki: Why would I ask any of the other Four Eyes for time off? They’re not my fucking bosses.

Tape Face: dunno

Raccoon Eyes: idk maybe ure secretly dating one a

Raccoon Eyes: nd have to confirm that its ok

Raccoon Eyes: ARE U SECRETLY DATING A FOUR EYES

Raccoon Eyes: U HAVE TO TELL US IF U ARE

Raccoon Eyes: URE LEGALLY OBLIGATED

Tape Face: o shit

Tape Face: scandalous

Katsuki: Shut the fuck up, I’m not dating anyone, secret or not.

Raccoon Eyes: thats what they all say

Katsuki: Whatever. I’m not dating anyone.

Raccoon Eyes: kats n four eyes no420 sittin in a tree

Raccoon Eyes: k

Raccoon Eyes: i

Raccoon Eyes: s

Raccoon Eyes: s

Raccoon Eyes: i

Katsuki: I’ll blow up all of your left shoes when you’re not home.

Raccoon Eyes: n

Raccoon Eyes: NO

Raccoon Eyes: IM STOPPING DONT DO IT

Shitty Hair: Hey what do you guys think of this photo

Shitty Hair: image.png

Tape Face: dude yes

Raccoon Eyes: AWWWW OUR FIRST BILLBOARDS AS PROS

Katsuki: Do we really need to send them pictures? It’s not like we fucking forgot this stuff already.

Tape Face: you can be a killjoy if you want lmao

Tape Face: im sure mina will send more than enough to cover for you

Raccoon Eyes: U BETCHA

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Tape Face: lmao why do you have a pic of katsuki throwing ei

Shitty Hair: I still can’t believe you did that bro

Shitty Hair: WITHOUT WARNING TOO

Katsuki: I gave you plenty of fucking warning.

Shitty Hair: Saying “I’m throwing you” AS YOU’RE THROWING ME is NOT PLENTY OF WARNING DUDE

Raccoon Eyes: im always ready to document golden moments

Katsuki: Shut the fuck up. We won the training exercise so what’s it fucking matter?

Shitty Hair: YOU THREW ME!!

Katsuki: Tape Face caught you before you could get hurt.

Shitty Hair: YOU /THREW/ ME!!!!!!

Tape Face: barely caught

Katsuki: Whatever.

Raccoon Eyes: im still impressed by how eASY u made that look

Katsuki: What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?

Raccoon Eyes: o look conveniently timed distraction photo spam

Katsuki sighed as he continued the conversation, commenting here and there on the photos his friends sent for judgement. In retrospect, he probably should have tried to talk to Shion first, since there was a chance she would have denied the time off for the reunion. Although, knowing her, she would have accepted just to force Katsuki into socializing. He opened up a new text message, figuring that if Shion did decide to deny the time off, he would at least have a screenshot to send to his friends explaining the sudden change in plans.

Katsuki: I need March 28th and 29th off.

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Do my eyes deceive me? The great Katsuki Bakugou, asking for time off?

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): I’m amazed! Usually I have to ask you to take the day off!

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Nay, not ask, but force!

Katsuki: Are you going to give it to me or not?

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Depends! What do you need the time off for?

Katsuki: Class reunion.

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Oh those are fun!

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Fill out the proper time off paperwork and have it on my desk by Monday. I’ll approve the time off.

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Just keep your phone on you in case we need you to come in for an emergency, but I’ll try not to ruin your reunion with work.

Katsuki: Thanks.

Well, so much for an easy way out.

Katsuki pinched the bridge of his nose when he noticed that his phone had already accumulated another thirty texts in the past few minutes, no doubt primarily from Mina. He scrolled through the backlog, sending a few mostly empty threats when he saw photos he did not want projected for the entire class to see, freezing when his gaze met a pair of familiar amber eyes.

Shit.

In his scramble to close out of the photo, to escape the genuine smile that somehow was more haunting than the one in his dreams, he left the group text completely. He briefly thanked his past self; he’d impulse or rage quit the group text plenty of times before that this wasn’t unusual behavior. If he was lucky, his friends wouldn’t have noticed the timing of his departure and would assume he was just fed up with the notifications or the conversation.

Shitty Hair: You okay, Katsuki?

A weak laugh escaped Katsuki’s lips as he read the newest notification. Of course Eijirou noticed.

Katsuki: I’m fine.

Shitty Hair: Okay

Shitty Hair: We don’t have to talk about it

Shitty Hair: But if you want to, I’m here dude

Shitty Hair: I’ll tell the others that you left so your phone would shut up and not to add you back yet

Katsuki: Thanks. Really.

Shitty Hair: No problem dude

Katsuki put his phone down, silently praying for the smile to leave him alone.

When he finally laid down for bed that night, he repeated the short prayer, for a peaceful night’s rest free of the smile, of the hurt, of the pain, of the guilt.

But as always, the smile came.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #443

“it’s not a life sentence, but a death dream for you”

When was the last time you were in the hospital? Me personally, uhhh sometime in 2017? Why were you there? I had a cyst removal surgery. Do you like Cheez-Its or Cheese Nips better? Cheez-Its. Have you worn headphones at all today? Yeah, I pretty much always do because YouTube is always open and on a video. When was the last time you had blood drawn? A few months ago or something? I'll be getting some drawn shortly though for genetic testing; due to my mom having some dysfunctional cancer prevention gene, all her children are getting tests to see if we inherited it. The last time you got blood drawn, what was the reason? I want to say I was tested for anemia most recently. What color eyes does/did your father have? Brown. What do you daydream most about? Things I wish I didn't daydream about. What is your relation to the last child you spoke to? They're my niece and nephew. Do you believe the Holocaust happened? No fucking shit? Do you prefer zebra stripes, tiger stripes, or leopard spots? Tiger stripes, ig. When did you last see a dog? At my nephew's b-day party a couple weeks ago. Nicole brought her dog Zeke over. Have you ever been in the mountains when the moon and stars were up? No, but omg I wish!!!!!!!!!! Do you know anyone from Canada? Yep. Has a cat ever licked you? Yeah. Roman especially loves to give kisses. Where would you most like to go in your state, etc. that you haven’t been? The Wizard of Oz park, probs. Are you scared to look at your own organs on x-ray or ultrasound? No, that shit's rad. o: Have you ever walked on a frozen lake/river? No, that sketches me out. I'd be afraid of the ice breaking and me falling in. Have you ever seen a volcano? No. Have you ever met an Alaskan? Met in-person, no. But I do have an online friend who's from Alaska. Or may still live there? Idk. Have you ever mowed the lawn (even a little bit)? No. Have any unpleasant public transit stories to tell? Nah. Do you know any German words? Seeing as I took four semesters of the language in high school, I know a good deal. However, my skill has definitely atrophied with time and lack of application. Do you have a passport? No. Are your teeth straight? I mean, mostly. I had braces for too long, but I didn't wear my retainer, so they've moved back some. Would you mind dating someone significantly shorter than you? Yeah, sure. I've never understood why height is an issue for some people. Can you quote the movie Mean Girls? No. I personally never got the craze. Have you ever swam in the Atlantic Ocean? I have. The Pacific? No. Can you make yourself cry? No. Have you ever held a starfish? Not a live one. What would you do if you found out your ex was pregnant/fathered a child? Faint or vomit. Wail. All three. Are you very close to your siblings? No. :/ Can you do CPR? No. Favorite sport to watch in the summer Olympics? I don't care. Ever flushed a fish? Yes. Ever been paid for sex or a sexual favor? No. I wouldn't agree to that. Last friend you talked to online? Sara. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? No. What is the best ice cream flavor? Vanilla. You have so many topping options. What’s your favorite thing to do outside? Photograph nature, especially wild animals. What would you spend $1,000 on? A big, really pro tattoo. What was the best (non-romantic) night you’ve had? Hm. I don't know. Who did you last lay in a bed/couch/recliner with? Mom and I sat together on the couch some time ago. Do you keep a planner? No. What are you craving right now? I've got a seriously random craving for shell pasta with a nice, meaty tomato sauce. Do you want kids anytime soon? DEFINITELY not soon, but also never. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? No. Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? Yeah. What’s the best feeling in the world? Knowing you're in love and really feeling it. What’s something you really want right now, be honest. There's a lot of things. Who in your family do you act like the most? I don't know, really. Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? My mom, 100%. Do you believe that your first true love can be your only love in life? Of course not. Have you ever kissed under water? Yes. Is there that one guy that you’ll always have feelings for no matter what? Suuuure is. Wish it wasn't like that, but I don't see it ever changing, to be real... Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? 100%? No, I can't say I am entirely. Have your parents ever caught you kissing a guy? "Caught me?" How old is this question meant for? Yes, they've seen me kiss a guy before. If you mean like, seriously kiss-kissing, no. Which one of your exes hates you the most? Probably Jason. Are you named after anyone? No. Well, my middle name has been passed down, but "Brittany" wasn't from anybody else in specific. What reminds you the most of your last relationship? The song "The Only Exception" by Paramore. Have you ever rejected someone but they still wouldn’t give up on you? In elementary school, yes. When growing up, did your family always eat at the dinner table together? Usually, yes, at least when growing up. Sometimes we'd use little tables to eat in the living room though while watching TV. What is the greatest source of happiness in your life? My mom, best friend, and pets. What was the last charity/cause you donated to? I'm unsure, actually. Who was the last person you got a handwritten letter from? Sara! :') Did your parents read bedtime stories to you when you were little? Mom did. Have any of your worst fears ever come true? Yes. The greatest fear I've ever had was losing Jason, and that happened. Is anyone in your family divorced? My parents, for one. My older half-sister has also be divorced because her ex is an absolute piece of manipulative horse shit. Has anyone in your family gotten pregnant as a teenager? I think my mom? No, maybe not... Idk. I ain't doing the math. What’s your greatest talent? If you want a serious answer and not something self-depracating, I suppose writing. Would you ever want to get a master’s degree? It'd be cool, but I've never *actually* wanted to pursue that. Have you ever worn revealing clothing in order to get attention? No. Have you ever been falsely accused of being racist? I've never been accused of being racist, because I'm not. To you, is sex just about physical pleasure, or do you see it as an expression of love and commitment? Absolutely the latter. I could never engage in sex without deep emotional commitment. How many times have you been drunk in the past 6 months? Zero. What’s your favorite French food? I have no idea. What’s the most elaborate recipe you know how to cook? Nothing. Which rooms of your house have doors that lead outside? The living room and kitchen. Best purchase you ever made? My snake. :') Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? I haven't seen him a long time, but boy did I have a thing for James Hetfield in high school. There are defs others, but no one else immediately comes to mind. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? No, because I've never tried to. How many Facebooks have you had? Just the one I still use. Have you ever been punched in the face? No. When was the last time you talked to the first person you kissed? The beginning of February, 2017. What is the latest you have ever slept in? Past 5. Do you have to watch yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth? No. Do you text when you drive? Fuck no. You couldn't pay me to. What movie do you really want to see that’s out? I don't even know what movies are out right now. Did America really put a man on the moon? Eventually, yes. Call me crazy, but I do believe the supposed first one was faked, though, to "beat" Russia in the space race. Do some research and it's pretty shocking. Would you like to date someone a lot purer than you? Idc. Do you turn your phone off at night when you go to sleep? No, but I turn the brightness down for if I wake up in the middle of the night and want to check the time. Have you slept in a bed with the last person you kissed? Yeah. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you didn’t say it back? Yes. Has anyone ever played a prank on you? What happened? I don't believe so. Do you like tattoos and piercings? Helllll yes. :') What are you really into? Animals, art, some weird Korean guy on the Internet... Do your parents like your best friends? Yes. Have you ever taken a nap with a member of the opposite sex? Yeah. Do you have weak upper body strength? Yes. What color was the last cup you drank from? It's just clear glass. How old is your oldest sibling? I actually don't know her exact age. 30-something. What was the last thing you ate that had nuts in it? A Nature Valley cashew bar I had earlier today. How many pieces did the last puzzle you completed have? I have no idea. Who did you last shake hands with? uhhhhhhhh Has anybody asked you out on a date recently? Nah. When was the last time somebody asked you to be their girlfriend? When Girt asked me out a few years ago. Name something you’re picky about: Food. Who did you last ask for help? My mom. Do you like corn? Yeah. If you were offered to smoke some weed right now, would you accept? Right now I honestly probably would, believe it or not. Honestly, who is the last person to tell you that they love you? My mum. Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? Yeah. How do you earn money? The only occasions where I ever and very rarely earn money is if someone (non-family, of course) pays me to take pictures for them. Where were you raised? All you need to know is a crappy town in eastern NC. Are your ears gauged? No, but I want the first holes in my earlobes to be, but only with very small gauges. I just can't figure out how to do it myself, at least with the gauges I have. I think I'm missing something. Explain what triggered your last kiss? We were saying goodbye. Could you go a month without talking to your best friend? I mean I could, but it'd seriously fucking suck. Have you ever made out in a park? No, because I don't do that in public. What are you listening to? "Paint You With My Love" by Marilyn Manson. I wasn't big on the album when it came out, but this is one of the songs that's aight to me. Last thing you said out loud? I gave Venus a little wave and said "hey babe" or something like that like I do sometimes when she's slithering around and looks out towards me. Are you sad? Always at least a little bit. I have been kinda down this evening. Where is your dad? I would hope at home. He's probably watching TV, or maybe in bed.

[parkersbliss]

Okay | P. Parker

Part two to Prom Dress?? It’s part of prom dress but, it’s an alternate ending instead of part two. I just didn’t have much to go off of that so, I hope you all enjoy this! 💚

Alternate ending

Pairing: Peter Parker X Fem!Reader

WC: 2K

Type: fluff and I guess angst If you really REALLY look.

Warnings: FFH spoilers, mentions of fighting, beaten up Peter, two no-no words, Quinten Beck (Yes, he deserves his own warning), brief mentions of captivity, almost dying like twice oops. 

Tagged: @babebenhardy

Others who asked for part two: (Sorry if you didn’t wanna be tagged) @lavender-writer @weasleyswizardwheezs

Summary: Spending the greatest night of your life with Peter sure is great but, how exactly did you get here?

Masterlist

+ + +

You looked at MJ nervously. This was happening. It was really happening. You felt like your heart was gonna burst out of your chest. MJ laid a hand on your shoulder. 

“Calm down. You’ll be fine.”

Your thoughts swirled, you were NOT going to be fine. What if he didn’t like it? Like you? I mean he likes you. It’s just, what if...? What if you hadn't opened up to Peter? What if you ignored him and let him drift away? You shake your head at the thought, you promised yourself no what if’s. Tonight was going to be fun. You were going to take risks. This night was going to perfect. And not like perfect where everything was going exactly as planned. It was going to be perfect in its own way. You let your walls break down for him. And you never regretted it.

“You’re right. Let’s do this.” You linked arms with your best friend and walked up the stairs into your high school for the last four years. Your heels clicked on the tile of the floor and you followed the signs to the gym where your prom was being held. Your heartbeat sped up again as you stepped into the room. Would Peter like what he saw?

PETER 

I held my glass of punch tightly. I was trying hard to keep my cool but, it felt impossible. 

“Ned, does my hair look okay?” I ask. 

He sighs, “Yes Peter. This is the eighth time you’ve asked.” 

I wipe my palms on my suit, “I know, I’m sorry I’m just...” I feel my breath catch in my throat as (Y/N) steps into the room. I’m at a loss for words. I set my punch down and try not to run up to her. She looks so beautiful standing there in a (F/C) gown that went down to her feet. She glanced around the room and her eyes landed on me. A small grin spreads across her face and I feel my heart melt. 

“Hi, Petie.”

I don’t waste any time and kiss her softly, “you look absolutely perfect.”

Her smile widens, “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

“I try.”

She laughs before taking my hand in hers. 

“You guys are sickening,” MJ comments. 

“And yet you’ve put up with us since Junior year.”

“Oh, don’t forget sophomore year when I had to watch you both make goo-goo eyes at each other.” 

“We did not do that.”

“Oh yeah, yeah sure. Did you know Peter’s doing it right now?”

I tear my gaze away from (Y/N), “I am not!” 

MJ rolls her eyes, “I’m getting punch.”

I turn back towards (Y/N), “You really do look perfect.”

She places both hands on my cheeks and lightly pecks my lips. I smile lazily. 

“I am so in love with you.”

+ + +

The day Peter realizes how much he loved you was not like any ordinary day. His morning started off with being stuck in the worlds most secured storage room, missing the nationals and finding out the piece of alien tech Ned had was a bomb. The very piece that was with him right now and without a doubt, by you. He frantically dialed Ned’s number trying to tell him he was carrying a bomb. After five rings he picked up, got yelled at and put his phone away. Peter groaned and swung faster to the monument. 

Just as he neared it, a loud blast went off and pieces of the building fell apart. 

“No, no, no!” He shouted, hands on his head. 

“My best friend is up there!” MJ said. 

Peter mentally slapped himself, (Y/N) was up there. He took a deep breath and jumped onto the building, frantically climbing it. It seemed like he couldn’t move fast enough, every step he took was another second gone. Another second you that put you and Ned closer to death. Peter drowned out the many cheers of the people below and focused on getting up there. 

“Karen, how do I get in?” 

Karen directed him to the southeast window and he clambered to it. She reminded him that a fall from this height was lethal because he had not reinstalled his parachute. Peter groaned and tried to get enough momentum to break the glass. He had to swing from a police helicopter (and pray to the gods they wouldn’t shoot him) to break the glass. 

“I’m sorry!!” He yelled as he swung into the building. As he slid in Peter fired a web at the elevator and felt the force of it dropping as he was pulled toward the opening. He moaned in pain as he planted his feet on the side of the elevator. In a flurry of seconds, the door gave way and Peter fell into the elevator causing it to start dropping again. The students and teacher inside let out shrieks of fear as their stomachs dropped. Peter shoot a web that stuck to the ceiling and the elevator jolted to a stop. 

Ned cheered and (Y/N) stared wide-eyed at the hero. 

“Ay, aye, big guy stop moving.”

“Sorry!” 

Peter slowly hauled the elevator back up until security could get the rest of the students. Ned, Liz and Mr. Harrington scurried out leaving (Y/N) in the elevator. Her feet were planted to the ground, scared of even moving. Her (E/C) eyes filled with fear made Peter’s heartache. He wanted nothing more than to hug you tightly and assure you he’d protect you. No matter the cost. 

“Hey, Hey, it’ll be okay,” Peter cooed. “I got you.”

She nodded her head and shakily took a step, that’s when the web broke. The girl let out a scream as she fell. 

“NO!” Peter shouted desperately as he caught her with a web. (Y/N) dangled there, her heart pounding. Peter slowly pulled her up to the platform where she was quickly enveloped in multiple arms. 

“Thank you.” She breathed. 

“It’s no prob-“ Peter’s web snapped and he was sent tumbling down the elevator. 

+ + +

The next time you saw Peter you ran up to him and wrapped your arms around him. 

“H-hey,” He stuttered, slowly running his hands up and down your back. 

“Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I thought-I thought,” You choked back the tears. 

“You’re okay. I got you.”

You lean into Peter’s comforting touch as you talk with MJ and Ned. Betty sat next to Ned and the two were practically drooling over each other. 

“Do tell us again, how you got together,” MJ smirks. 

“Ohh yes please!” Betty squeals. “Ned tells me it’s really interesting!”

Ned laughs nervously and you laugh with him, looking at Peter. “If you insist.”

“I do! I want ALL the details.”

“Well, it started when I saw Peter in the hallway and thought he was the biggest dork ever.”

“Hey!”

You throw your head back laughing, “ok so maybe not but, it happened on the trip to Europe.”

Betty rests her head on her hand, smiling. 

“This part is true, I had to sit next to his dumb ass the whole nine hours there.” 

Peter smiles sheepishly, knowing very well that he did it on purpose. 

+ + +

“Hey (Y/N).”

“Hi Peter,” You said, taking a moment to realize that Peter was definitely not MJ. “Peter?!”

He scratched at the back of his neck, “Sorry, the lady in front had really strong perfume and I’m allergic to it...”

“Huh, I had no idea.” 

“Yeah...”

“Wanna watch a movie?” You ask. 

Peter smiles, “I’d love to.”

The whole trip there you guys watched movies, made jokes and talked. Nine hours, however, was a long time so, you did fall asleep during one of the movies. Peter wouldn’t tell you (for a while at least) that you had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Or how you hugged him like a teddy bear in your sleep. He smiled softly, looking around to make sure no one saw how he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. Peter could’ve sworn you smiled and hugged him tighter when he did that. He fell asleep on you. 

Ned ended up waken you up the following morning. He was shocked, to say the least. 

“So you’re dating now?” 

“What?” 

“You were cuddling in your sleep.”

“Ned, we’re on a plane. How is that possible?”

“Anything is possible with love.”

“Okay, What the fu-“

The Europe trip was supposed to be fun. Not giants and random upgrades everywhere. Of course, you knew it was because Peter was Spider-Man. You even met Mysterio you thought he was cool but, something seemed off. His smile didn’t seem real per se. You met at the carnival in Prague where you almost died. That was not part of this trip. You had run after Peter, not giving a care about your safety. When he saw you in the crowd his heart dropped. What was it with you always getting into danger? Quinten has noticed from his spot on the tower how Peter tried to keep you away from the damage. He was constantly picking you up, swinging you out of the area. The fire elemental did not like Spider-Man and made sure he knew that by throwing some rocks at him. It threw him off balance causing him to drop you. 

Peter could never describe that feeling of devastation. Of pure terror. It was nothing like he’d over experienced before. You fell from his arms, screaming. And he couldn’t catch you. 

However, Quinten did. He saw you fall and knew how valuable of an asset you would be to deal with Peter later. He jumped from his spot and caught you, making sure no one saw. Your eyes were squeezed shut. Beck laid you on the ground and ran off. 

That was only one of the many near-death experiences you had yet to explore. There was another in Berlin. Yeah, Beck had taken a hold of you. To say the least, you were fucking furious. You tried very hard to tell him how you felt but, he easily shut you up. You were forced to watch Peter undergo his illusions. Watching him constantly get beat up. You started crying begging Beck to let him go to stop. He didn’t. He went as far to make sure Peter knew that it was you in the flesh. When Peter landed in front of the train you screamed your voice raw.

“No, no, no. I loved him!” You had cried, Praying to the gods he was okay. That he heard your words and that they gave him hope and strength. He had to be okay. 

And he was, when Peter finally got you back in his arms you both collapsed on the bridge crying. You had never run so fast in your life. Seeing him slowly stumble towards you, bags under his eyes. When he reached you, Peter didn’t hesitate to hug you as tight as possible. Nuzzling his face in your neck. His feet gave way and you so did yours as you both fell onto the cold concrete of the London bridge. 

“This is the worse time possible but, I- I love you too.”

You didn’t even think twice before kissing him, Peter melting into it. Wrapping his arms around you. Holding you so tight. Wanting to protect you from everything. He leaned his forehead against yours, “You’re okay. I’m okay. We’re okay.”

+ + +

And you were okay. Dancing in Peter’s arms as he hugged you to his chest like that very day. This was it. The happy ending you deserved. Peter tilts his head up and catches your lips in a soft kiss. You smile into the kiss as MJ yells about how this is too much kissing for one night. 

Peter laughs as he pulls away, “We did it,” He whispers, Resting his forehead against yours. 

You can’t help but smile at the man you love standing in front of you. All your memories resurfacing. Peter was everything you wanted and more. As you danced with him through the perfect night you made sure he knew. MJ and Ned teasing you through the whole time. 

This was the ending you deserved. It was the ending all of you deserved. 

Alternate ending

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

K now you got me curious about that. I kinda assumed P5MC would’ve been stronger then P4 MC (P3MC beats them both no doubt from me) so why do you say that P4MC is stronger?

Was gonna make a separate post when I had time but now is a time as any XU (btw I still dunno why people think P5MC is stronger, is it cause of the gym? His Phantom Thieving? The gun? Stanael’s gun? The Yaldy scene? I really wanna read people’s reasons but I have a feeling it’s those and.....if that’s it then no one is paying attention to poor P4MC then ;w;)

So that post was more lore driven than gameplay driven just a heads up (gameplay it’s a lot more complicated because we have to look at like.....a bunch of different entries and lay down ground rules for those, cause like P3P!MC/FeMC vs P4MC vs P5MC is.....a lot more fair considering the former can’t use fusions due to them being items....assuming we can’t use items). Just want to clarify before I explain what I mean is lore wise (I’ll compare the Personas down below but I’ll try to keep it from crossing to much into the gameplay meta line). And this is excluding Royal/Scramble (cause....not everyone knows that stuff yet, and I need to reevaluate things myself and I just haven’t been able to yet XU). But man, people really do underestimate P4MC ;w;

Now then, without Personas they are probably about even, like if they got into a fist fight they could probably end in a tie (but my money is still on P4MC if I had to choose cause he gets back up). P4MC seems to be taller (by a few in) and a more buff build, while P5MC is more of a slim build (but is probs more agile). And this is regardless if they are in the Metaverse, TV World, or the Real World (cause he should get an outfit in the Metaverse, plus Personas seem to give the user great physical strength regardless if it’s a Metaverse setting or not). That being said, P5MC does have akido(?), but it’s self trained and that’s if he goes to the gym. But, P4MC trains with Chie (which he probably did cause they all probs maxed their SLs/CoOps, but Ren might not have gone to the gym), and also stays in shape thanks to 1) fighting Shadows and 2) his sports club SL (this is assuming we are only looking at their school time selves, Adult!P4MC is unknown atm), so it’s not like he’s out of shape himself. P4MC also has crazier and bigger fish too (also needed to complete an SL), so that could be deemed as a work out compared to P5MC’s fishing. 

If we’re looking at initial Personas (which is what they are most likely gonna run with cause of how the spinoffs handle P4/5), P4MC has the upper hand thanks to resisting Dark (aka curse) (btw Minato/Hamu would probs go down first in an initial only Persona fight, cause they’d be weak to P5MC and then P4MC could/would probs beat P5MC thanks to resisting the other’s attack).

Ultimate Persona is a bit more....I wouldn’t say even, but there’s strengths and weaknesses to both sides. Satanael has the upper hand with a “survive one attack” ability, resists everything but almighty, heatriser, and can harm INO via physical (and maaaaybe psy/nuke...it’s unclear how Atlus wants to treat INO in this regard). INO has better stats (and can achieve better stats than Satanael), can deal BIG almighty damage (thanks to mine charge, Satanael doesn’t have a charge), and while he doesn’t resist Light/Dark/Alimighty he does have a big evasion ability. I’d say INO could also be hit by PSY and Nuke thanks to PQ2 (which still makes no sense???? why didn’t they add resist in those categories to all the other ult Personas ??? XP) but P5R shows INO resisting those now so we gonna go with that....because that makes more sense (it makes sense for them to resist Psy and Nuke because they resist all elemental damage but since those didn’t exist, you could assume they could resist it cause it falls under elemental damage...but PQ2 fudges it up for some reason XP), I mean P5R also made him more of a beast since it seems like INO resists Phys too but I won’t include that. I mean if you wanna say he can be hit by Nuke fine, one more thing INO can be hit with....BUT INO also has a ult attack and Satanael doesn’t. Which, while Satanael and INO could be going toe to toe for awhile, INO might be able to deliver the final blow that Satanael can’t. 

Which leads into why....P4MC should win. He’s just shown he’s stronger in his stories. He wins because of his own power that made him stronger. P5MC doesn’t win via his own power. He wins because he receives outside help more often than not (which isn’t bad, I’m not saying having help is bad, but in a hypothetical 1v1....it doesn’t bode well for him). Against Yaldy he got a freaking buff from the cognitive world....A TEMP BUFF MIND YOU! THANKS TO COGNITION! It’s such BS! Yes, P3/4MC they received their power because of their bonds, their connections, MC’s are their friends’ power as much as they are power for the MC’s. P3/4MC could only get that strong because of their friends. It’s because of their own effort and will to protect the ones they care about is the reason they win......P5MC it’s because of the public cheering for them for like 5 min for a temp buff cause of cognition (and it def doesn’t continue to last cause of how the meter goes down to 50% later irl). Even with cognition on P5MC’s side, it’s probably not a whole lot to actually do anything beneficial for him like with Yaldy. P3/4 is about power of friendship and relationships. P5 is about the power of convenience and plot devices. Buncha bullshit that he gets handed the World Arcana like that, not even his own power saved the world (he doesn’t even have a World Arcana Persona! No one ever talks about that what’s P5MC’s World Persona?! P4 has INO, P3 has a finger 8U What’s P5′s????)

There’s also the fact P4MC can use Myriads of Truth outside of Izanami, and it can hurt people outside of her too (we know this thanks to Arena). Satanael can’t use his Sinful Shell (at least at this point in time, watch Atlus jk my post when Arena 3 comes out, I’m already prepared for it >8V I bet Atlus’ reason won’t even make sense because->) because it’s only used in the 100% cognition scene! Satanael can only be that powerful and can only use that move thanks to cognition! But you see, P4MC is Mr. Bond Master, he’s strong cause of his bonds, every handshake with a new person=him getting more powerful (half jk). 8U But this drive also shows that even if he loses a fight, he gets right back up because he wants to protect his friends (as seen post-Liz fight in Liz’s route in Arena). Like this is a big thing P4MC has that I think people overlook, this bastard has A LOT of willpower. Whenever that word is brought up, only Tatsuya (you know defying time and reality to keep his memories) and P3MCs (staying alive for like two months to keep their promise) are ever mentioned (and don’t get me wrong, those are amazing feats too! All three/four, FeMC/P3MC are technically two people, of these people deserve the top 3 will power spot), but gd P4MC has it too. After getting his ass handed to him by Liz, he got right back up and was like “round two!” and power starts to flow through him that it takes Liz aback! Or his most amazing feat, coming back from the freaking underworld (aka basically death), just will his ass right back in front of Izanami and then Izanami is unable to freaking kill him (he hangs onto 1 HP like a boss, hell if he can do this against P3MC it’s possible for him to even come out on top of that fight). Izanami literally says “can the will of so few surpass that of all mankind?!” His (and IT’s) determination is one that surpasses all of mankind! Compare that to P5MC, who defeated Yaldy because of his bond with his CoOps-oh wait no it’s cause of a BS temp power buff the public gave him my mistake. P3/4: “We know what’s best for mankind! And it’s not freaking death! Our will power will surpass mankind!” P5: “Y-yeah same! But we’re gonna not succeed on our own and get bailed out by the public, only for them to half revert back to their same old ways despite....changing for us for a hot second...wait what?” 

P4MC (depending on where in the timeline we have him and P5MC facing off), he’s had more experience too. Not only has he beaten 7ish gods/god avatars (to P5MC’s.......looking at all the P5 entries and without spoilers....possibly 3ish/4ish gods/godly avatars/god level stuff), he’s also faced off with 2 robots and what is basically a super soldier (aka Sho), he’s also fought against a lot of SEES who are seasoned fighters and had ult personas vs his initial persona (and won in some cases, or held his own A LOT, depends on the timeline/route). Oh and has fought more VR people/the VR people more times (P4/G, PQ1, PQ2, and...maybe Arena/Ultimax depends on the route). While P5 is catching up (kinda, we aren’t comparing how a lot of those final battles were won with the final blow), P4MC still has the most experience. 

The only way P5MC can win if it’s 1V4+, P5MC has access to the VR and can use multiple Personas and P4MC can’t, P5MC has 100% cognition on (not possible, and would be a real ass pull), P4MC is crippled beyond belief (even then I’d still expect him to win cause he doesn’t give up). 

So yeah. P4MC has more willpower, his Personas seem to have an advantage (either elemental advantage with initial, or stat+final blow for Ult), and doesn’t get up/gets right back up after a beating (so even if P5MC gets P4MC down to 0 hp, its possible P4MC will get right back up without the need of a skill like P5MC). 

That being said I need to reevaluate some stuff with Royal. I still think P4MC is stronger tho (but I think P3MCs are the strongest, that being said P4/5MC haven’t been put in a situation where they need to die to protect everyone, aka get the universe arcana, so I wouldn’t 100% count them out because I think P4/5MC have the potential to go as far as the P3MCs if need be...well....def P4MC.....not sure about P5MC he still needs to prove himself imo). 

[tsainami]

wip prep tag

tagged by: @hazeywrites and @omgbrekkerkaz​ ! tysm 💫

rules: answer the questions and then tag as many writers as there are questions answered (or as many as you can) to spread the positivity! even if these questions are not explicitly brought up in the novel, they are still good to keep in mind when writing.

i’ll be doing this for my wip CHEAT.

FIRST LOOK

1. describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch).

a random guy pops out of nowhere and starts a drug that gives people the ability to use magic. magic doesn’t exist in this world so this is very shady and a lot of people go and chase him.

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be? (Is it a novella, single book, book series, etc.)

at first i thought i’d write a standalone but realised the plot was too big. i think it’ll be a duology.

3. What is your novel’s aesthetic?

over the top gothic + renaissance + baroque architecture everywhere (the main setting is based off of prague), errr magic (duh, dasy), lots of shadowy corners. um half dead doves? necromancy.

4. What other stories inspire your novel?

well there’s two. one’s true and happened to me (it birthed this wip really). long story short i was out on a trip with my family and one summer night while we were walking, something happened that made my dad turn to me and say “you know, the people of this world have a tendency to cheat.” 

the second is from a video game called dishonored. it’s one of my favourite games and you can definitely see a lot of similar elements between cheat and dishonored’s world (like, say, the VOID to name a big one). 

5. Share 3+ images that give a feel for your novel.

i wish i could share an edit, but i haven’t made any for cheat as a whole but here’s its pinterest board.

MAIN CHARACTER

6. Who is your protagonist?

my main protagonist is a boy called jan (yahn). he’s the one running around dealing magic.

7. Who is their closest ally?

in the beginning, the con-artists he’d given magic to (long-standing customers of his lol). but none of them really trust him so i don’t think they really count. that changes later on though. there’s also another person--a middle aged, disabled lady--called britta who probably understands him the most but we see quite little of her.

8. Who is their enemy?

well, there’s this undead queen from another dimension who is hellbent on revenge and a whole other dimension also has sent hunters after him. [i guess a man-made god and semi-goddess?]

9. What do they want more than anything?

jan’s kinda... complicated. he has two personalities. one of them--the one that prevails the most at least during most of the story as a whole and can be called the OG jan--wants the system assigned to the universe (in this story, it just means the mentioned number of dimensions) to change. he wants to right the wrongs he’s made. and if he’s a little honest, he wants his life and real name before he became... what he currently is... back (but he knows this is impossible).

his second personality doesn’t want any of that. he disagrees with the system as well, but it doesn’t involve him and he thinks humans should do what they want to do even with the greater knowledge (made possible thanks to... spoilers) that it’ll just fuck them and world up. all he really wants is a very slow, lowkey manipulative revenge.

fyi: when i talk about jan, unless i specify his second personality i’m always talking about the OG jan.

10. Why can’t they have it?

sksks i made a longwinded reply to that previous question, so for here i’ll just say for jan #1 it’s because--apart from everyone being NOPE LOL--a sacrifice the size of jupiter will have to be made. for jan #2 it’s cause jan #1 exists and is thwarting all his plans.

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

that he’s unforgivable. that his existence is meaningless. that as soon as he fulfils his purpose the world would be better without him.

12. Draw your protagonist! (Or share a description)

jan has black hair somewhere between straight and wavy. shorter at the back, longer in front with a length that goes past his ears. he dresses like some dude from the 20′s (sometimes he wears coats he looks like he’s drowning in though). he’s got light, yellow-toned olive skin and a mole on his neck and another one on his ear. he has two piercings in one hear and has an earring that dangles from one of them. he has hooded eyes and normal eyebrows (what are normal eyebrows), good bone structure and he's neither underweight nor overweight. he’s somewhere between 5′11 and 6 foot. he's poc. 

PLOT POINTS

13. What is the internal conflict?

spoiler memories from a spoiler time haunt him. basically he was victimised by a group of murdering naysayers. this goes hand in hand with his struggle over which personality dominates his being.

14. What is the external conflict?

magicking people out for blood and their magicking monster familiars.

15. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?  

that he gives over to his second personality and ‘dies’ (because of his circumstance death means to live through that though, watching it all). he’d rather be killed instead.

16. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?

mad spoilers but it’s that you can do whatever you want with jan if you find his heart (he doesn’t have it atm and tbh nobody knows where it is). as for which side finds it first... hmmm i wonder.

17. Do you know how it ends?

yes and so far everyone who i’ve shared the ending with has hated me.

BITS AND BOBS

18. What is the theme?  

i think one of the biggest themes in cheat is in regards to time. we all have a limited amount of time on this world and it’s ultimately always up to us to decide on what we do with it. however, every thing we do always relates to something and even something so small as a thought could shape what kind of life we’ll live. no one is entirely good or bad and every one is imperfect. but jbc life can sound stressful and BIG and scary doesn’t mean we can’t face it. we all have our merits and we all have the ability to develop from the mistakes we’ve made.

19. What is a recurring symbol?  

the moon.

20. Where is the story set? (Share a description!)

a city called heidelheim. it’s made out of cobblestones and spires and huge gothic vampire buildings next to shabby small squashed houses. then there’s random marble domes with painted ceilings, bridges, an obelisk... there’s something called the outskirts too that has some hills and trees.

21. Do you have any images or scenes in your mind already?

i’ve got some.

22. What excited you about this story?  

the ending hahahahaha.

23. Tell us about your usual writing method!  

oof. my method (and the reason why this isn’t already a whole ass novel considering it’s been 2 years) is freak out! write a sentence. think about useless things (why would a pigeon be at the city square at night? that doesn't make sense? is it a normal pigeon? what is the purpose of its life?). try not to get distracted (i always do though) and write another sentence.

this story will probs be finished when i’m 89 years old. i’ve got some years to go.

TAGGING: @hajaara @stegladent @twocrownsoneshittywriter @marscults @furybloods @ikilledmyocs @cynotype @asablehart @aestreia @maskedlady @katabasiss @melrosiewrites and @nepeinthe

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 4 - The Poisoned Chalice

- god fucking dammit here we go again, i'm bloody done with my life and do not, at all, want to see merlin die bc i don't remember anything except that, yeah, he dies and someone has to get off their ass and save the motherfucking day and kiss him

- i realise how much i swear in these posts bc 1. when do i not? 2. i'm emotionally invested 3. i have no other excuse i just like swearing

- AAAND NIMUEHS IN CAMELOT SHE THINKS SHE'S SO SLY WITH HER HEAD THING

- id recognise her in a split second tbfh, she aint subtle

- *heterosexual tension*

- merlins skin be looking so smooth this episode, this boy be wearing lots of Dove

- he looked so excited to be in the banquet, then arthur just fucking slashes him with “not quite” and his hopes and dreams are destroyed

- “wanna see what you’ll be wearing tonight?” arthur says as he's behind the fucking changing curtains, about to get undressed and show merlin his birthday suit

- i honest to god thought that was where he was going, but no, he was just getting something from behind it

- “tonight you’ll be wearing the official ceremonial robes of the servants of camelot” IT'S A FUCKING DRESS ISN'T IT

- aw damn id have preferred a dress

- that smile shared between them was the most adorable scene

- god

- i

- fucking

- love

- their

- smiles 

- sm

- best thing ive ever seen

- i mean… hunty look at that piece of glistening butter beauty

- wow ok back to the episode:

- bros being bros and giving each other a handshake to destroy the mortal enemy pack and put together a family, we stan.

- as if a servant who has only had eye sex with another servant ONCE would trust them enough to say that one of the chalices were poisoned. like??? “ur the only one i could tell” LMAO NO?

- she's a sly fucking dog tfbh

- “if he kills arthur, uthers soul will be broken and camelot will fall” at this rate uther prob wouldn't care if his son dies or not, look at him, he's already mentally broken. he has anxiety and paranoia over magic. child services where u at in the medieval ages?

- i wouldn't believe a word she said, or well, id have believed it was poisoned but id say yeah no damn way you aren't in on it if you know which one it is. bayard wouldn't tell a fucking servant.

- HE'S GONNA SNAP ISN'T HE

- MERLIN FUCKING SNAPPED

- yknow what we say here folks? U DO U MERLIN

- okay i was fine if uther made bayard drink it but like the moment uther said “mmmh… no.” and slowly turned to merlin i think my arteries just crunched together and died so

- “if it is poisoned, he’ll die” HE'S FUCKING SCARED MERLIN WILL PASS AWAY ISN'T HE?

- “it's fine” he says, then starts to fucking choke

- ah fuck he's down

- my boy is down

- FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A CHAINSAW

- ARTHUR CROUCHES NEXT TO HIM LIKE “BB NO”

- lmfao bayard looks so shocked, his face is in disbelief and confusion, he's like who tf done me bad

- arthurs carrying merlin fireman style this is what i live for folks

- did like nobody notice the flower stuck on the inside of the cup? like honestly if you take a sip you’d kinda spot it or perhaps even the person pouring the drinks would have been “is this chamomile tea? no? then what the fuckery-doo is this leaf in here for?” yknow. it's like that scene in Matilda when the angry buff lady completely missed a fucking salamander in her cup when it was the size of her bloody hand. it brings out the same mood honestly

- does gaius have an index for these books or does he just have every page memorised and know exactly what page to go bc I FUCKING NEED THAT it would make bio so much easier if i knew what page it was on instead of looking back and forth from the homework sheet to my textbook, then closing it by accident and having to find the index again for that specific page i need

- arthur wants to fucking go on a life-or-death journey to save merlin i've never been so happy

- this is honestly my favourite episode, like it may be really fucking angsty but i love it so much

- arthur betrays his dad and leaves his room even after being told not to just so he can save a servants life is literally my new moto

- NO IT WON'T LOAD MY NETFLIX IS STUCK ON 99%

- okay so while i'm waiting for my shit to load, i just discovered the new fucking tumblr rule starting dec 17 and i'm like 0.2 inches away from just spamming NSFW pics on here just for laughs

- like hunty, that won't stop people from posting elsewhere or for thinking about sex bc like??? whatchu gonna do tumblr?? get the fbi to erase it from our minds

- i think nOT thot

- watch me get flagged for just using the fucking term “NSFW”

- i'm gonna end up asterisking everything (is asterisking a word? wow it has red under it so like probably not but i just added it to my dictionary so uhh it is now)

- by asterisking i dont mean furry kin shit ew no

- i mean like N*FW, s*x, t*mblr, m*rthur

- god it took me like 20 minutes to calibrate my fucking wifi and fix the connection problem

- wow the stage for the poison increased by 75% in 30 mins, damn

- merlins like like having a conniption on his bed lmao, chanting arthurs name and sweating lot

- do we ever find out how uther gets that scar bc i'm like 100% positive arthur was a little child and swayed his fucking sword too hard just as uther rounded the corner. the sword then collided into his fucking brain and destroyed a good part of his intelligence, targeting especially his morals on how to accept people and how to be a good father

- that’s my theory

- merlin starts talking enchantments in his sleep while gwens watching, and gaius is just there like wtf merlin ur blowing ur cover “oh! gwen!! uhhh sorry. he’s just... in a latin study group in his pastime and has an oral presentation in minutes”

- omg, nimueh, stfu

- i didn't know dinosaurs existed back then, this reptile be whack

- y’know what's funny? ppl thinking dinosaurs didn’t exist. i find creationism very very very intriguing bc how fucking stupid could you be

- that sword throw was faker than my moms tits

- arthur could have done better

- k but like what if merlin’s hand wasn’t under the covers? like he was just throwing that blue ball around right in front of gwen

- can arthur like not hear her? nimuehs literally enchanting the rocks right behind his ear lobes and arthur acts nothing of it until those said rocks collapse and he gasps and suddenly he realises shes evil

- also his fucking hair in this scene looks glorious. perhaps bc it's pushed back rather than his bowl cut, but its doing things to my abdomen

- i thought for a second she was pulling off her mask to say “nimueh” and arthur was gasping bc he only recognised her after her hair was shown, just like in that scene with joker and harvey in the hospital

- OH RIGHT THE SPIDERS I LIKE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THOSE SONS OF A GUNS

- i’d be dead if those spiders came crawling up to eat me lmfao

- k so nimueh went from :) to >:D in half a second

- i'm smelling up those symbolisms, boys

- watch out pals cause here are some of them:

- merlin is the LIGHT of arthur’s life

- he LIGHTS up the party

- he gives arthur a BRIGHTER future

- he's the GUIDE for his path

- hahhahahaha

- i'm serious when i say i have a huge fear of insects (spiders count in that too, no discrimination) so i'm just putting that there, saying to yall id be fucking terrified

- gaius would be so confused, like we don't see his face here but merlins close-up sweaty concentrated frown, but he’s literally just screaming “ARTHUR!!” “FASTERRR!!” “YESS!!” “CLIMB!!!” gaius would be looking like he walked into something he wasn't supposed to. prob thinking he should just let the kid die so he doesn’t have to deal with this shit anymore

- UTHER LOCKED HIS SON AWAY I'M FUCKING QUESTIONING HIS PARENTING SKILLS

- that's grounding???? throwing ur child in prison???

- yes 999 can i have child services on his ass

- gwens so smart honestly i love her

- pretending to be a maiden for the food, god what a queen

- arthur buying it and saying “yuck you say this is food?! disgustang!”

- the fact that i misspelled disgusting but it autocorrected to disgustang (which is originally what i wanted but autocorrect shouldn’t have known) makes me consider if i should really check my dictionary…. who knows what words are on there

- they’re so smart

- and then this fucker ruins it all while eating his food, checking her out and saying yeah arthurs a prick, hyuck hyuck, realising only that wait fuck u aint the maiden

- how’d they know GWEN was the one not supposed to have delivered the food, what if it was that chick right there???

- welll….. maybe it's because gwen took her sweet time up those steps, staring as if she couldn’t blink at the guards below

- i forget what happens at the end of this episode besides the kiss, and there's like 9 minutes left my fingers may rot at this point

- wake him up! wake him up!

- OH WAIT HE DOESN'T FUCKING WAKE UP DOES HE AND EVERYONE PANICS

- YEAH OKAY I'M SEEING THAT NOW

- MERLIN STOPPED BREATHING

- LMAO GWEN IS IN TEARS

- “HE'S DEAD” SHE SAYS

- ARTHUR BB COME IN HERE TO KISS UR HUBBY ALIVE

- OH WAIT UR IN FUCKING PRISON

- WAIT UP, HE'S ALIVE AND SHE KISSES HIM AFTERWARDS????

- FUCK ME I THOUGHT FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE THE KISS HAPPENED BC HE COULDN'T WAKE UP THAT'S FUCKING WITH ME I DIDN'T KNOW

- i keep forgetting to switch up the cap locks, sorry if it seems im screaming im legit using my inside voice for most of the time just emphasizing my words a little more

- goddamn, everytime they say mercia i just think of “murica”, like those americans on the 7th of july or whatever date the “we love our country” day is, chanting it as they throw around beers and fireworks as people gather round in jerseys or crop tops

- it's not that hard to spot the european on here

- the most celebrated holiday here which contains a lot of beers and big pub gatherings (besides every fucking night honestly) is either new years, lowkey stereotypically correct saint patricks, and ig easter monday but that's more for the kiddos

- i mean ofc christmas and all that shit but im not the most devoted christian, i just like presents and small gatherings among good friends

- wow okay it wasn't the 7th of july

- i mean at first i looked up “USA day” (i couldn’t remember the name) and it popped up today’s date, and i was like no thats not it at all. dec?? its in like july i think. and i was close! it was july 4th.

- uther damn knows it's nimueh!!!

- i mean, he just overheard morgana and arthur talk about it, and initiated himself into a convo about it once morgana left, as his sneaky ass just slithered up like “hey man, u know that woman? yeah uhh, what she say? anything about me? no? k i know who it is tho”

- i thought he was going to apologize or like explain to arthur what's the sitch, but he just waits for five whole seconds before saying. “those who practice magic know only evil. they despise and seek to destroy goodness wherever they find it.”

- arthur, confused: sounds as if you know her

- uther, walking away: i do

- arthur:

- wow k lots of fucking quotes here cause it's the merthur reunion

- get ready babs

- arthur: still alive then?

- merlin: oh yes, just about… i understand i have you to thank for that

- arthur, leaning on the chair merlin is sitting in, stifling a smile: ah it's nothing, a half-decent servant is hard to come by. i was only dropping by to make sure you’re alright… i.... expect you to be back to work tomorrow

- merlin, watching arthur as he slightly walks away having embarrassed himself: arthur... thank you

- arthur, slowly: you too

- they stare for like 5 whole seconds

- arthur, uncomfortable: well… get some rest

- there we go folks: my eulogy.

- hope someone reads it at my funeral

[sharkytrash7]

My last say. Hopefully not my final essay.

So I've been watching YouTube videos of how to get over ex's and how to deal with break ups. In my heart, I know we belong together. I know the fact that I'm not Christian is a problem. My arguement is that you never fell in love with an atheist. You fell in love with me. Its tough when you refer to me as atheist because I'm so much more then that. You of all people know that. I love you with all my heart. I want to marry you still. I'm not of being alone or being without you. I'm scared of what I am without you. To be honest you were and still are my guardian angel in my eyes. You've changed my life and I hate to see you leave. You keep emphasizing that we might not be together but I still have hope we'll be together. After all, you have my rib. I know things are hard for you at the moment with God. Its tough for me 2. I go to afda and put on a smile pretending I'm fine. You want to be with a Christian. I get that. But no Christian will be as good as I am to you. Even tough I'm not a Christian, I can try to be the best person in the world for you. I dont love for your looks or your voice or cause you give me affection or cause you buy me stuff or cause you did things to me. Its all those things and more. I love you cause youre you. I would never change anything about you. Even your cute toes. Once upon a time I promised you I'd convert for you. I want to make this clear ! I am not trying to manipulate you in any way shape or or form ! Im just venting to tumblr. I'd keep my promise. It wouldnt be for you or for me but for us. Cause your right woman ! Its just better if we're both Christian. I know your gonna be thinking, "hmmmm, hes probably just saying this so I get back with him. He just wants me back. What an ass" and it does look like that. Thats why. Huh. Idk actually. I guess it is kinda fucked up to say this. Kinda shity cause then it would make your life 10 times harder. Okay so ignore that bit. Im not deleting it because effort AND because I said it / typed it with meaning and for a reason.

I get why we dont talk because if your parents find out they'll lose their minds and also because I'm pulling you away from your God things. But like when will I be able to date you. Ya know. Like even if I was Christian, your parents would still hate me. And if your parents forgave me. I wouldnt be Christian. So i get your side of life. Cause thats tough cookie. I wish our love could be enough because it is lowkey for us. Its a rough one. I wanna tell you so many things but i dont wanna jinx your future. I just find it crazy that you think your going to marry someone else. People have been saying its just because your my first girlfriend but I dont believe em. I felt a connection with you. Something I dont see happening with anyone else. You keep telling not to wait for you but its what I feel is right. Just like how you said it feels right to break up. I dont think this will last forever. We'll I wont be able to last much longer but. I feel like we've got this. We've been through a lot together and I'm positive about us. When I said us not being together would be a watse I didnt mean a waste of time or money or anything. I just meant it would be crazy for us to go through everything we did just to let (a big deal) get in the way. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU MY BOO !

Lowkey in the back of my head thinking this

I know I said these things but I cant hold you to anything. You could be over me and my shit and want another relationship. I have to deal with that. If you want some buff white english indie guy to come love you then that the way it'll be.

Deep down I want it to be though. Like I want to be your knight. Your dark knight _wink wink_. I know eternal life is a big thing for you and I'd like to be there with you to. I dont really know if I'll be accepted up in heaven. Even if i am a Christian. Im hard on myself like that. Id rather let more deserving people go to heaven. Idk why I put myself. Its just me. I just see potential in others. More so than in myself. I see my purpose on earth as a chance to help others. You know. Plus im sure when (i cant remember the name of it) the blue lights come down and take people to heaven. Im sure I'll meet you up there. Your just so scared of messing up like one thing and I get it I was like that 2. Id make sure everything was planned out. Truth is. I hd to stop being scared in order to move forward. Like after my car accident. I was terrified to drive again. I couldnt deal with driving. But i had to get over it. And I know you blame yourself and God for what happened. Please dont. Everything happens for a reason. I feel like that stuff taught me a lesson about being calm and calming myself down. It definitely wasnt God punishing you for being with me. Again not trying manipulate you or preach to you or try to change your thoughts. Its just my opinion. All I'm hoping you do is consider what I'm saying. I really truley am sorry about everything but at the same time. Everything that happened has happened and its made us who we are. If given the chance I'd do it again.

Also lowkey I'd love to celebrate 2 years with you. #nopressure. Like seriously I'm being serious but at the same time dont stress you cute little head about it. If it doesnt happen it doesnt happen.

My eating habits have gotten worse. Idk. Im lowkey scared im dying. I want to go to the doctor but its expensive and I've been such a burden on my parents. I'm pretty sure I can wait a couple years before getting it checked up.

My new glasses are cool. You have to see yhem in person. That another thing. I thought i wouldve seen you by now just driving or something. But i guess you only really drive to church and home. Or to someones house or like a party thing.

Happy 21st birthday baby. Wow. Your getting like so old. I still remember falling in love with the 19 year old you. Look how far we came. A whole 2 years. Youve grown so much since then. Firstly you don't bump into cars xD. Jk. You really have become such a grown up and I've been blessed being there with you. You became independent and youve become yourself. Its was a wild trip but to see you come out on top has been worth it. You deserve the world. And if anyone tries to hurt you / stop you, send em my way. Youre one of the most beautiful intelligent cutest amazingest bestest person in the whole world. Happy Birthday Boo.

The boo tattoo. We getting em together ? Also all your stuff is still here so if you do move out invite me over sometime so i can drop off these things. Lowkey your life is amazing and spontaneous and I have huge FOMO (fear of missing out). You don't to worry about me tho. I've been waiting to do things with you.

Moving out. Yeah. Its a big possibility next for me. I remember you originally said we can't live together which sucked but made sense. So. If you ever need a place to stay. Call me. I'll set up a guest bedroom for you.

I wasnt going to with your dad a happy birthday because you never with mine I dont think. But im not a monster like you. Jk lol. You probs just forgot.

Also it really sucks you cant speak 2 me. Your not an asshole. I just wish you could've helped me calm down.

Im sorry this was so long. I'm sure Ive forgotten things and said things I shouldnt have but tbh its been kinda theraputic for me. Like I feel a lot better having got thise things off my chest. You dont have to reply to anything yet. Cause I know your brains busy atm. If you can acknowledge that you seen it that would be nice. But ja. Please dont take anything Ive said personally or strongly. I just blurped things out and yes things do have meaning. But it takes two to tango. I desperately want to tango with you though.

Ps I love you

Pps Im sorry

Ppps take me back

Pppps jk. not jk

Yours truly

Triston Kyle Pillay (Penguin)

3:36 Vala is today. Shhhh

[tisfan]

Hook, Line, and Sinker

Title: Hook, Line, and Sinker by @tisfan Link: AO3 Square Filled: R3 - dares/bets Ship: Bucky/Tony, Tony & Rhodey Rating: teen Major Tags: hangover, broship, rhodey is a good bro, dares/bets, blind date, sort of, pre-slash Summary: Tony woke up with a hangover and someone’s phone number. Rhodey doesn’t quite believe it. With Tony’s prize Shelby on the line...  Word Count: 1,885 Created for @tonystarkbingo

A/n: This is the sequel to this February’s Candy Hearts ficlet, Pick-up lines, but the story is self-contained. A requested and tipped fic for @unreliableunseelie

Tony woke up with a head full of cotton batting, a mouth full of dragon shit, and a memory of the previous evening that was entirely lacking.

He managed to roll over, away from the very annoying beam of light -- light, hah, felt more like a brain-destroying laser -- that was flooding his room, at the expense of everything left over in his stomach rebelling. “Oh, god,” he said, and then sprinted for the bathroom.

Okay, sprint was pushing it. Ambled with purpose and direction.

Whatever he’d eaten had probably tasted better on the way down, but since Tony couldn’t remember anything after he and Rhodey hit the third bar, he couldn’t guarantee it. He was just trying to find a bar that had the right ambiance.

He wasn’t sure he’d managed it.

He bid farewell to his late night snack, flushed, rinsed his mouth, spit. Used the bathroom for its other purpose, flushed again.

Considered taking a shower.

Considered not taking a shower.

Honestly, his sadiversary was getting to be old news, and he was too old to be acting like that anymore anyway.

He wasn’t even sure he really missed Steve anymore.

Did he?

He didn’t. Tony decided that, firmly. He did not miss Steve, that wasn’t going to happen anymore.

He tried to remember if he’d decided that last year, too.

Maybe he could go for a big party, his five year sadiversary next year, and then, it could all be over, over, over.

“Or you could just stop,” Tony told his reflection.

Shower.

He could do it.

Not mourning his failed relationships any longer.

He could do that, too.

Tony emptied his pockets; he’d apparently just rolled into bed, since the only thing he was missing from his outfit were his shoes and tie. And god only knew, he might have thrown the tie out last night. He’d been known to do that sort of thing before.

“New man,” he told his reflection. “New life.”

Wallet. Keys. Phone.

Cocktail napkin.

Cocktail napkin?

There were digits on a cocktail napkin. In his pocket.

“Jarvis, call Rhodey,” he told his phone. His phone did its thing while Tony finished getting undressed. “Speaker.”

“There’s coffee already prepped for you downstairs, no you didn’t puke last night before I left,” Rhodey said as soon as he picked up. “Your car is fine, we left it at the garage, and as far as I know, there are no warrants out for your arrest.”

“Thank you for that cheerful morning report,” Tony said. He turned the shower on and shivered as the water didn’t insta-heat and the first blast was cold over his forearm and hand.

“Seems like what you’d want to know,” Rhodey said. “How’s the hangover?”

“I think it’s been worse,” Tony said, stepping into the spray. It was still not as warm as he wanted it to be, so he turned it up some while he waited, cringing all the way in the back of the shower, away from the cold.

Which was stupid, because thirty seconds later it was way too hot and he had to reach through it to turn it down. He should get on the set-my-preferences shower system that would just… chime when it was ready. Like a microwave.

Except, you know, nothing like an actual microwave, because those were dangerous, even on short term exposure.

“You were doing okay, last night,” Rhodey said. “With the drinking. But then you decided to play bertie botts every flavor ice cream last night with some ridiculous little ice cream shop that’s open twenty-four seven and what the hell man, I could not keep you from eating chocolate and jalapeno ice cream at three in the morning.”

“Well, that explains my rude awakening,” Tony said. He considered that for a moment. “Did I say it was good? I mean, it sounds kinda awful, but also intriguing.”

“I didn’t eat it,” Rhodey said. “And I don’t lick another man’s ice cream cone, that’s just wrong. Especially when it’s yours.”

“So what kind did you have?”

“Maple Bacon with Jack Daniels,” Rhodey said without a hint of shame.

“Where’s this ice cream shop again? I think I’d like to go there when I’m sober.”

“We can make that happen, Tones.”

“Great,” Tony said. He filled his luffa with shower gel and was instantly drowning in some vaguely outdoorsy scented soap. “So, tell me, did I score last night?”

“You certainly did not,” Rhodey said.

“Really? Cause I got digits here that say otherwise.”

“That is a fake number, that guy totally did not give you his real number, you were being a total drunken asshole, flirting with some bar-bum. Like the worst lines ever. I wouldn’t date you with those lines.”

“Rhodey, you’ve known me since I was fifteen. I’m pretty sure if you were going to date me, you’d have said something about it by now. Fake number, huh?”

“You don’t remember?”

“I don’t even remember the ice cream, much less flirting,” Tony said.

“Oh, well… too bad. You two totally played tonsil hockey for a while,” Rhodey said.

“I thought you said it was a fake number,” Tony said. He rubbed shampoo into his hair. “So, if we were necking, that seems to counter the theory that it’s fake.”

“It was a pity kiss,” Rhodey said.

“Nobody gives pity kisses,” Tony scoffed. “And even if they did, no one would pity kiss me. I mean, I’m… good looking. Mostly.” He rinsed his hair, let the shower water run down his head for a while. Maybe he could drown in the shower, that might cure the hangover. Of course, it would mean drowning, and that just sounded uncomfortable. Not to mention, the whole being naked and dead thing. Would he even care about his image if he was dead, or would he be too dead to care?

Tony shook his head, which was a mistake.

“Don’t even try that false modesty bullshit, Tony,” Rhodey said. “You know you’re the thing. Mr. Thing, Mr. Third most Eligible.”

“Yeah, I never liked that shit, brings the gold diggers out in full force. One of these days, I’d like someone to like me for… you know. Me.”

“Yeah, Tones, what’s not to like about you?”

“I hear that sarcasm,” Tony said. “And you’re hurting me here, sourpatch. I am hurt. Like, there might be actual tears and everything.”

“Look,” Rhodey said, “you and that guy, you were on the same page last night, but I’m telling you, you were reading totally different books.”

“I’m gonna call him,” Tony said.

Rhodey scoffed. “No, you’re not.”

“I am.” He wasn’t.

“I bet you it’s a false number.”

“Bet you it isn’t.”

“Oh, it’s on, Tones,” Rhodey said. “A hundred dollars says it’s a fake.”

“Five hundred,” Tony said, “verses --” he paused, trying to think of something Rhodey actually wanted that Tony might feel bad about giving him. There wasn’t much; usually Rhodey wouldn’t let Tony give him gifts, not like expensive, real ones, at any rate. And Pepper kept boycotting his idea of buying Rhode Island and renaming it. She said it wasn’t a good tax write off. Spoilsport.

“The Shelby.”

“Wo-- my car?”

“Tony, you have like seventy cars. But I like that one.”

“Deal. I’ll take my winnings in cash, no trade value,” Tony said. “Jarvis, end call.”

Tony got out of the shower and toweled off. Less vigorously than normal because see previously mentioned: hung over. Got his bathrobe and made his way to the kitchen. Punched the button on his coffee machine.

Considered the cocktail napkin and his phone.

Drank his coffee.

Dialed the number.

“Mmmphs?” a voice said, a male voice, even, so Tony figured he might be getting somewhere. “If this isn’t an insanely good looking guy, I’m hanging up.”

“Well, you’re in luck today,” Tony said.

“Do I know you?” the voice wondered. “Because really, I don’t think I made friends with people who were cheerful at… ug… it’s not even nine in the morning, what kind of masochist are you, it’s Saturday.”

Already, a man after my own heart. “Um, this is probably going to sound weird, but uh… did you give your number to anyone last night?”

There was a very long pause and Tony might have thought that the person hung up, except he could hear breathing.

“Yessss,” the man said, tentatively. “If you’re a friend of Sammie’s though, and this is a joke, you let that half-assed--”

“Not a joke--” Tony protested. “I found a cocktail napkin in my pocket, and I was wondering…” Wondering what, actually. If he was the guy from last night, if they’d had a good time, if it was a nice kiss, what’s your name, what do you look like… “would you like to have an ice cream with me. Today?”

“Wha---?” The guy asked. “Are you seriously asking me on an ice cream date after a ten minute conversation in a bar?”

“Why not?” Might as well roll with it, now that he’d gotten started. “Just, no strings or anything, no nothing. Just ice cream and a little get to know you. What, coffee dates are lame, everyone does coffee dates. I drink so much coffee that it’s like having a date at the corner water cooler.”

“Yeah, okay,” the guy said. “Ice cream date. Sure, why not?”

“Okay, so… four o’clock? Um… I’ll, um, text you the address? And… I might have had beer goggles on last night, so, text me back a picture? Just to make sure, because I’m pretty sure the conversation was with an angel, or a model or something.” Tony didn’t actually remember the guy at all, but a little flattery. And he’d win his bet… right? He could part with the car if the picture was scary. Hell, even if the picture wasn’t scary, he owed the guy for letting him know what Rhodey wanted for his next present.

“Sure,” the guy said. “I’ll… uh, see you at four, then.”

“Yep!”

Fortunately, typing in maple bacon jack daniels ice cream in his search engine got him the address for the ice cream shop. He texted his date -- who… had a name. And it was probably a boy’s name, too, except Tony didn’t know it. Fuck.

Then he texted Rhodey: Got a date. Four o’clock. Ice cream shop. Cash only!

A few seconds later, he texted again. Or, if he happened to tell me his name last night and you remember it, I’ll forgive you for betting against me.

New Text From Rhodey: Bucky Barnes.

Tony stared at the screen for a long moment. Then. You’re forgiven for thinking it was a fake number because I’m not sure that’s a real name.

New text from unknown number: Selfie from the gym a few weeks ago.

Attached was a picture of a guy wearing a baseball hat and workout clothes, scowling fiercely and pulling up his shirt to reveal ridiculously sculpted abs.

Tony stared.

“You’d think I’d remember him,” he said wistfully.

Texted back See you at Four.

New text from unknown number: looking forward to it. My first ice cream date since high school.

Tony texted Rhodey again, attaching the picture.

Cash. Only. I lied. You are totally not forgiven. 

[bring-me-bellarke]

The 100 Ask

Tagged by @griffinnblake ! Thanks, Lindsay! Honestly, what a blast this was.

rules: answer as many as you want if tagged and then tag three more people OR just reblog it and treat it as a regular ask meme!! have fun xoxo

1. What would you get arrested for on the Ark?  Probably for punching a guard or something, tbh. Maybe starting underground resistance (yikes)

2. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground?  Maybe. 

3. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..)  Probably a fist or some sort of cool resist sign. 

4. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be?  WELLS JAHA DESERVED BETTER. (close second would be Anya) (close third would be Ilian)

5. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they? Bellamy, Clarke, Raven, Monty, Miller.

6. Minty or Briller?  Mintyyyyyy all da way. Briller just never did anything for me. 

7. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!)  Jessei, Jessai, i have no idea. 

8. Thoughts on Finn? I’ll be honest, I was blind when I first started watching and thought Finn was a good guy...until Raven showed up and was like WTF ....and then he massacred a bunch of people. Then I looked back and realized how manipulative he was with Clarke, and what a shitty person he was in general.

9. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does? I don’t think I would have. It wouldn’t really appeal to me. I could see myself giving in if someone I loved was threatened (like Clarke with Abby, I would’ve folded like a lawn chair)  

10. What character do you relate to most & What character do you like the least not including the obvious ones like Pike, etc… I relate to Clarke and Raven the most. I’m bossy and serious like Clarke, but also sassy and passionate like Raven. The character I like the least was (don’t bring out the pitchforks) L/xa. To me, from day 1, she was too bland of a character. It’s like she was always putting on this brave facade that I just never bought into. But I truly love ADC and she’s awesome. I just didn’t believe all of L/xa’s dumb philosophies and thought she wasn’t a good leader. Also, Octavia was on my most hated from the moment she laid her hands on her brother (i will never be over that. bitter 2kforever)

11. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical)  I probably would have had a patchy black leather jacket, gray t shirt that read Space Sucks, combat boots, black ripped up jeans, and the jacket would’ve had RESIST stitched onto the back in big letters (or maybe a patch). I like to think I would’ve been a total badass but who knows. 

12. Favorite type of mutant animal?  I don’t think we saw many besides two-headed deer, pauna, and maybe some panthers? Oh, wait! Glowing butterflies, those were cool.   

13. What would your job be on the Ark? Oooooh, I don’t know. Sounds weird, but I would’ve liked to work in the archives/library, making sure all the history was preserved (sounds like a Bellamy thing, I know). But tbh, I probably would be jailed for starting a resistance as a side gig. 

14. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked?  I’m squeamish, but I would’ve done it to save Clarke (and everyone else in turn). 

15. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, then who would make the best commander?  Hmm, good question. Well I loved Anya and think she could’ve. I think Luna might’ve if she’d given up her weird ways and NOT BEEN TOTALLY RUINED in s4. ALSO LINCOLN (RIP IM NOT OVER IT). If all 3 could’ve led as like a council, that’d be fire. 

16. If you were a grounder, then where would you live and who would be your mentor? Oh god, I don’t know the tribes. Maybe Trishanakru (sp?) just cause Ilian’s such a hottie and it would’ve been cool to be friends. 

17. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty?  I’d probably dare everyone to go jump off a waterfall with me (but like a small one)

18. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake?  Uggggghhhh, this is hard. Listen, neither method worked. Charlotte wouldn’t have survived on her own and Murphy’s dumb. Maybe like a jail or something they could’ve kept her in? Idk, there’s too many things that went wrong with all that. 

19. Who should be the Chancellor, if anyone?  Anyone at all? Crap, I don’t think there should just be one, it’s too much power. I like the idea of council/committee with the mains like Bellamy, Clarke, Kane, Abby, uhh idk who else. 

20. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there?  Headphones to escape all the drama, probably. Maybe some good hiking gear because goddammit how do they all travel through all these jungles/woods? 

21. Do you think you’d have caught the virus spread through camp or would you have been immune like Octavia?  I would’ve caught it probs. 

22. What would your grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint? I’d have just cool geo shape tattoos probably. I’d wear a high pony because how do the girls deal with humidity/sweat wearing it down???? My hair is hella thick, so no thanks. War paint would probably just be a few lines on my cheeks, maybe diagonals. 

23. Favorite quote?  I CAN’T JUST CHOOSE ONE. OH GOD MY HEART LITERALLY HURTS AT ALL THE ONES I LOVE. (this deserves its own post tbh)

24. Can you forgive Murphy for his actions? How about Bellamy?  Murphy’s a real pain in my side. Full offense, I hate that we move on so easily from a white boy’s VERY SIGNIFICANT MISTAKES, yet poor POC Bellamy has to keep suffering from the repercussions. Like Murphy LITERALLY permanently damaged Raven’s body yet they’re cool now? Idk, I hold grudges, and I don’t think I’d be able to let it go. Kudos to Raven, ig. Though I won’t hesitate to admit that Bellamy has royally fucked up too, from the radio to the army (which happened in a season I hate altogether). It just seems like we forgive Murphy much easier than Bellamy and it kills me. Whooo, sorry for that. 

25. If one of the characters was in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? Hmm, I was gonna say Bellamy but he’s a real softie. Clarke is sneaky and sometimes heartless, so maybe her. BUT ACTUALLY Octavia would because she’s absolutely bat-shit crazy.

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite ship? NOT INCLUDING CLEXA OR BELLARKE  Aww crap. I didn’t like Flarke. Fave ship (that never happened) was Ice Mechanic, like imagine the chemistry/hotness. Ugh, still upset about this. Fave canon would be Kabby, I guess? They’re great, but it’s weird to think Kane had Abby tortured. Idk (Y’all know I’m ride or die Bellarke). I was conflicted for a long time about Linctavia because I loved them but when you boil it down, he was way older than her and it seemed kinda Stockholm Syndrome-y? Plus, she turns psycho and he would’ve hated it. IDK ALL SHIPS ARE PROBLEMATIC DAMMIT.

27. A song that should be included in the next season, like when Radioactive was? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo?  Lindsay said Home II by Dotan and I 100% agree because that song is amazing and would work so well for S5. Oooh, cameos! Um CAN YOU IMAGINE IF STEPHEN KING JUST SHOWED UP OUT OF THE BLUE? Like I would die. Or Kass Morgan, the original creator! 

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time?  Honestly, I’d probably be very annoyed and want to be far away from him. BUT if we did warm up to each other, I think we’d bond over cooking (if there was any food). 

29.Opinion on Emori? Roan?  Both badasses. Kinda indifferent on them actually. Like I don’t love or hate them. 

30. Would you want to be an extra that is killed off in a brutal way?  Yeah, sure. It’d be cool if it was memorable, poignant, and really related to/impacted the storyline. High hopes, amirite? 

31. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of? Raven, I think. All her flashbacks were related to Finn and I hated it. WHO WAS SHE BESIDES FINN’S GIRLFRIEND? Show us her mess of a mom, how her love for science started, how she became a mechanic! God, there’s so much we don’t know. 

32. A character you’d bang?  BELLAMY FUCKING BLAKE, ladies and gents.

If you made it through all this, bless your soul! BUT THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN!! I loved having to really think about the hypotheticals and what I’d do if I was in this world/show. Side note, I’ve been totally gone from this blog and not even tagging my stuff (which is where I freak out the most). I’m slowly coming back and hope April comes soon! All right, this has been long enough. I tag @littlebellarkemix & @southsideserpentine & honestly anyone who wants to (it’s a lot of fun). 

[willreadforbooze]

Hello fellow boozie readers!

If you haven’t heard about #Booziebookathon, it’s our week long readathon we host every year! AND ITS RIGHT MEOW!! Check out all the details here! Shout out to Linz and Melinda for doing ALL of the planning for it. You’re the best. Be sure to follow our readathon twitter for sprints!

Sam’s Update:

I got a lot of reading done this week, which is surprising, considering how busy it was. But Booziebookathon started on Saturday, and got a bunch done. I’ve decided that I’ve failed at Medieval-a-thon…. cause I definitely didn’t read what I said I would. The NEWTs start on Thursday (our TBRs scheduled to drop on Thursday), so I gotta finish up these books so I can start my Metal Charmer career!

What Sam finished this week:

Recursion by Blake Crouch: I adored Dark Matter and Ginny and Parker both adored this one so I picked it up on audio. About half way through and loving it, I need to know how it ends.

Descendant of the Crane by Joan He: WOWOWOWOWOW. I couldn’t put this down. I flew through it, only to be SO SAD that this isn’t a series. I seriously need to know more. RUDE.

What Sam’s reading now:

Booziebookathon Gin: The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid: Oh holy shit, whyyyy did I think this book was over-hyped? It is perfectly hyped. I’m listening on audio and LOVING IT.

Booziebookathon White Wine and Smirnoff Ice: Demon in the Whitelands by Nikki Z. Richard: This had a slow start, but basically this is a post-apocalyptic story where all technology is banned. The bastard son of a cleric, Samuel, is basically thrust into the role of being a caretaker to what the mayor calls a “demon”. A child, albiet violent child, with one arm and doesn’t speak. His job is to befriend it/her. I’m enjoying it now… that I’m 2/3 the way through, but I don’t feel the urge to pick it back up each time…

The Candle and the Flame by Nafiza Azad: Buddy reading with Ginny and Liz and also for book club. It’s taken an interesting turn but I don’t want to say too much here, because we still have to discuss as a group.

Ginny’s Update:

Currently Reading:

The Candle and the Flame by Nafiza Azad: This is still for a book club, I’m still reading it slowly. There was a pretty big twist and I’m enjoying seeing it ripple out.

Leap Days: Chronicles of a Midlife Move by Katherin Lanpher: this is one of my books for Boozie Bookathon and it fulfills my Gin challenge (book on tbr forever). So far Katherine has moved to New York and is talking about how weird it is… yup. It’s gonna be that kind of book.

The Mortal Word by Genevieve Cogman: IT’S THAT TIME! I’m reading the fifth book in this series that I adore. Irene is being called in to act as mediator in a conversation between the Dragons and Fae. Her boss for the job is a major dick (and I’m pretty sure it’s going to turn out he’s even more sinister). Ugh, Loving this! (If you’d like to start at the beginning, my first review is here.

Finished

Born a Crime by Trevor Noah: Welp, Trevor Noah had a very interesting childhood. It’s interesting to read this book to see a completely different perspective of growing up. I’m used to hearing mostly Americanized, or at least overtly Western points of view, so to hear this story that was completely outside of what I consider the norm was endlessly interesting. I wasn’t super fond of the jumping around in time. I found it a little confusing at times, talking about his stepdad and then, chapters later, talking about how his stepdad came into his life. Overall, I still thought this was a strong narrative and would definitely suggest this to someone who likes biographies. 4.5/5

A Kiss for Midwinter by Courtney Milan: This is a novella that goes in the Brothers Sinister series. Gonna be honest, I don’t even remember who’s parents these are supposed to be and just read it as a standalone. It’s still charming. Dr. Grantham was there when as a teenager, Lydia was told she would never be in society becuase of a teenage pregnancy. He was also there years later as she wanted nothing to do with him. He’s quirky and she’s been hiding from things she hasn’t wanted to think about and it’s pretty damn fucking cute. I really enjoy the way Courtney writes her characters, there’s always depths. 4/5

Rafe: A Buff Male Nanny by Rebekah Weatherspoon: Yup, definitely back on my romance novel kick. This book was delightful as, as the author says, it’s pretty much just pure fluff. the kids are cute, and speak the way children do. Rafe was ridiculously attractive and a family man throughout. Sloan is ridiculously competent, dealing with a shitty ex-husband and just wants someone to make her life easy… Fortunately Rafe makes it very hard… that was terrible… I don’t apologize.4/5

An Unconditional Freedom by Alyssa Cole: Welp, Alyssa Cole is one of those always gonna read authors. I accidentally skipped book 2 (don’t worry, I’ll get back to it). This follows Elle’s friend from the first book Daniel, who is dealing with some emotional and psychological scars. Janeta Sanchez is trying to become a double spy in order to save her Southern beau and her family. Except, unsurprisingly, that beau is a jackass. But they’re in the Loyal League and trying to get some information. It’s interesting to read Daniel’s perspective and I liked getting both the internal and external perspective on him. Alyssa Cole is a phenomenal writer and ugh, so many good words. 4.5/5

The Soldier’s Scoundrel by Cat Sebastian: Well, Cat Sebastian is apparently another author where I’ll read everything. This is a delightful romance between Jack, who handles scandals behind the scenes, and Oliver, an ex-soldier who is worried that her sister has been scammed by Jack. They’re immediately attracted to each other but have to solve a mystery together for… reasons? REgardless, I really enjoy the way that Cat brings characters who might be outside of what is currently considered the norm, and shows the ways they could have lived in the past. She shows their struggles but makes sure they have a happy ending, and I just really enjoy that. Both of these characters are kind of dicks in their own way, but I enjoy their moments of earnestness. 4/5

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami: I’m not a runner. I don’t ever think I’m a runner. But I think it’s fascinating to read running books and learn about what drives other people. It seems that so often running helps them quiet their minds. This book was interesting and I enjoyed a peek into an authors/runners mind. 3.5/5

Captain Marvel: Volume One by Kelly Sue Deconnick (there’s a bunch of people on this but my read list is already 7 books long and there’s just a limit to what I have the patience and energy to do): This was delightful. I’m not super familiar with Captain Marvel but I met Kelly Sue at Bookcon and really enjoyed meeting her (I’ve also read Bitch Planet, which if anyone wants to read a dystopian comic I highly suggest this one). I loved the mystery of what was causing the illness, and the way she could read between the lines. Ugh. This is what I wish more comics were. 5/5

Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes: Probs gonna write a review on this one. Wait and see.

Temporary Break for BoozieBookaThon

Iron Gold by Pierce Brown: Gonna be honest, I don’t remember much from the original series but I used a random number general and this is what came up. I’m like two pages in so I’m mostly just confused.

Minda’s Update:

What Minda is reading now for Booziebookathon (and soon NEWTs):

The Liar’s Daughter by Megan Cooley Peterson – An ARC from ALA, out 9/10, for the Beer challenge. About a girl who was brainwashed by her father and his cult.

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K. Dick – As the winner of the 1963 Hugo Award, meets the Whiskey & Champagne challenges.

All Systems Red by Martha Wells – Following the longest, I thought I’d read the shortest for the Shot & White Wine challenges.

The Incendiaries by R.O. Kwon – I’ve borrowed/returned/renewed this title eight times, which I think means it’s been on my list for awhile. This fulfills the trifecta: Vodka, Gin, and Red Wine challenges.

What Minda finished before Booziebookathon: 

Tiger Queen by Annie Sullivan – I actually finished this at the start of my trip. This was good—the world building was especially inventive since it came out of a short story with an open ending. Review to come.

All the Water in the World by Karen Raney – This book was super sad and really tugged at the heartstrings—at least for the first half. Drops in early August! Stay tuned for review.

City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert – Listened to this one on audio during my flights… so many flights. But this book was super captivating! I would highly recommend reading the audiobook because of the writing style—it really feels like an old woman is telling her story to you. Also will review.

Clear My Name by Paula Daly – Crime fiction focused on a UK version of the innocence project. Edge-of-seat type stuff with an end twist I didn’t see coming. Also also will review!

Linz’s Update:

I was on family vacation–which we all know isn’t actually vacation–and still managed to get some reading done.

What Linz read:

No Judgments by Meg Cabot: One of the many Bookcon ARCs, this romcom-y book was…not great. The protagonist was pretty dumb and kind of shallow, the romance felt a little forced, and the resolution was really telegraphed.

Sophia, Princess Among Beasts by James Patterson: Woof. Basic. DNF.

We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia: Girls are raised to be sisterwives in this dystopic, Latin-inspired first of a series. The concept is actually pretty good and I loved the love story twist, but the worldbuilding left me wanting.

The Way You Make Me Feel by Maureen Goo: I liked this more than I thought I would. The protagonist is a monster, but I just spent the week with teenage relatives so it’s not inaccurate. Goo’s take on diversity is interesting and thoughtful. There is also a foodtruck and I was starving while reading.

Patron Saints of Nothing by Randy Ribay: My first finished book for booziebookathon AND MY HEART COULD NOT TAKE IT. Authentic, on point, emotional rollercoaster.

What Linz is currently reading:

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern: WHICH I AM BACKBURNER-ING BECAUSE OF BOOZIEBOOKATHON BUT I AM GOING TO CLAW MY FACE OFF UNTIL I CAN PICK IT BACK UP IT IS SO GOOD

– *About* to start Slay by Brittney Morris, but imma need a minute after finishing Patron Saints of Nothing

Until next time, we remain forever drunkenly yours,

Sam, Melinda, Linz, and Ginny

Weekly Wrap-Up: July 22-28, 2019 Hello fellow boozie readers! If you haven't heard about #Booziebookathon, it's our week long readathon we host every year!

[most-triumphant]

~My journey~

I thought I would turn this lil tumblr blog into record of me trying to deal w/ physical and mental probs. A little bit about myself...

I’m 28. I live in hot as balls, Texas. I’ve got two cats, a husband, and some succulents. I love them in that order. Ive got GAD sprinkled w/ some intrusive thinking that keeps me awake every night. ;) 

But hey, I’m worrying about car crashes so you don’t have to. It’s a public service. As long as I think about twisting metal turning my body into a fine salsa, it won’t happen, right? That’s what I thought-- cool. 

Any whoooo, over the years I’ve been on different meds. Wellbrutin, Lexapro, Buspar, xanex etc. 130 days ago I started on 40mg of prozac & (2) .5 xanax a day and gurl, my world has turned upside down. Finally my brain feels like its firing on all cylinders and coupled w/ CBT - I am feeling the best I’ve ever felt. I still wake up multiple times a night panicked, but the prozac really has helped with the my daytime issues. 

Specifically, a huge issue for me, eating obsessively. Food has always been my coping mechanism for my anxiety and intrusive thoughts, while at the same time, being a constant thought taking up so much room in my brain. Food--  My true love. I love to cook, eat, look at recipes, watch food shows, foodcation, etc. I looked forward to my period monthly as a time it was socially acceptable to overeat and be in a bad mood.  I will look for a holiday to celebrate making any kind of feast. There was no more comforting feeling to me in the world then eating chicken wings for the glow of my computer screen. Instead of feeling worry/fear/thinking about death, i could be thinking about cookies. Making cookies. Eating cookies. Eating cookie dough. Googling cookie recipes. Smelling cookie candles. You get it.

Then after about three weeks on prozac...it was gone. I didn’t get the warm fuzzy feeling from gorging on pizza. I felt numb. What was always my comfort just wasn’t doing it for me anymore. Being about 60lbs overweight and being exhausted 24-7 from lack of exercise nutrition all of a sudden seemed like a curable problem. Like, oh hey, maybe if you ate more fruit and drank less alcohol, your joints wouldn’t hurt so much.  Maybe u would want to leave your apartment over the weekend. WHO KNOWS?! Without that obsessive voice in my head thinking about how to properly crisp the skin on a pork shoulder going 24-7 on a loop, I had to start thinking about other things and finding otherwise to make myself feel good. 

So 90 days ago I started weight watchers and exercising regularly. I still can’t bring myself to utter those worlds out loud. My family knows. I won’t tell friends. When they asked how I lost 30lbs I will say a dumb joke about no longer eating my bodyweight in cheeseburgers. Why do I feel shame about getting healthy and getting my shit together? 

Idk, I’m sure there’s a lot of factors at play there. In reality tho by telling people I’m actively trying to improve my health, I’m making myself accountable. If its a big secret, I can fuck up and I feel like no one will judge me. 

I think that’s a huge part of my problems as a human being... me, and just about everyone else is trying to be “normal.” And what is that even anyway. All I know is that I’m trying to be active. I’m trying to go out of my comfort zone. I’m trying to push back against my brain which has been telling me for all these years that exercise and eating somewhat healthily was a lost cause. I couldn’t do it. I’d be a failure. 

I always saw those dumb fucking post on facebook like “You could of lost x amount of lbs if you started x amount of days ago.” But for once, I finally did something. I think the therapy + medicine has really helped me get to a place where I no longer cope with food. I never understood the way in which my physical self/ mental self were linked, but I’ve recognized self sabotage patterns I always fell into, which now, somehow, have been broken.

IDK man. I’m not saying prozac is some miracle drug, but prozac + therapy + exercise + eating good about 70% of the time has done wonders for me. I’ve got a ways to go until I’m actually in shape,  but its a journey. I dont know why I wrote all this. lol. But it feels good to get it all out. Im thinking sometime I will need to look back and remember what I was thinking during this process.  I’ll prob emotionally dump this stuff every once in a while, so hey if you read this, cool and thx. I hope you’re doing well.

[janzz]

day 3: its 3:47am on day 4 and i forgot to write my daily post

really really really trying hard to make this a habit (just for april)

so fail but lol

here’s my post for today

i went to a yoga class tonight in santa clara and it was the yogi’s first time and she was so good omg!

not quite as good as my fave instructor of all time (the bae lauren at moxie yoga in sf)

but yeah kimberly at corepower santa clara square might make me a regular!

(which honestly is super great because i went to class with norma and it was awful LOL)  (she played like hardcore edm at a chill class??) (to be fair it was also a level 2 class and i was struggling a little and kimberly’s class was a level 1....)

(oh i went to whole foods in the same plaza right after and ngl im starting to really enjoy just physically being in those fancy ass supermarkets.  i went to a new to me nob hill after orangetheory surprisingly also in santa clara ----theyre just nice and clean and beautiful.  however spending $45 to get way less stuff than a 99 ranch or something still feels way wrong.  i got bananas cashew milk chia seed refill 18 brown eggs (anthony likes the brown ones idk) natural deodorant (cause native has been sucking hard) ginger tofu mushrooms orange juice fancy sprouted bread shredded cheese actually ok when i list that all out its a decent amount for whole foods.  the stuff is just smaller yknow like the presliced white mushrooms were $1 for easily like 3 or so oz less)

anyway i find this funny because when i started dating anthony in 2015 he would go to nob hill markets and always claim it was his favorite market (because the chicken he would buy from there would never go bad etc).  i thought he was like idk rich af -- to be fair he went to stanford 2x and has his masters and is 2 years older so yeah he is definitely more privileged than me.  like i didnt have a preference for cage free brown eggs like i never had the money to spend the extra $1 or 2 on that shit when i was slaving at starbucks AND a second office job.

its really weird how money changes your life.  its 2019 and i finally hit the 100k 6 figure mark.  it’s honestly been a STRUGGLE to get here, but i’ve learned a lot along the way -- primarily that you HAVE to negotiate and generally just get paid more to improve your life.  anyway yeah money doesn’t solve problems but it generally reduces  your mental calories and makes things way more convenient.

before when i was poorer, i would have to go out of my way to make sure i was getting the cheapest shell gasoline in the area (still gotta have standards and not give into that arco bullshit).  i would never go into whole foods or places like that because my dollar had to stretch further.  whenever i would go out with friends before i’d have to be SUPER mindful of what i ordered and i would be EXTRA annoyed when you go out in a group and when splitting venmo people wouldnt pay the extra gratuity and i’d factor in me covering it because as a barista and server its bs when ppl dont tip well

now -- idgaf if i go out to eat a lot or splurge when im out w friends.  dropping $50-$100 randomly cause something is on clearance at lululemon is not a big deal.  im not anal about my boyfriend and i splitting everything exactly 5050 down the middle cause meh whatever i dont need to be given money back for like the minimal difference.  if whole foods is convenient for me to go to after a workout ill go in without batting an eyelash.  

it is weird tho being poor and then having money -- like ill go to lululemon but absolutely CANNOT buy anything full price.  i still like watching movies but 99% of the time go on discount days cause spending $20 when i could spend $9 feels wrong.  whenever i do basic things with my boyfriend, like going to the grocery store or mall, i’m most definitely the most cost conscious -- checking against the value per oz, whereas he just picks whatever and gives no thoughts to it (i think he makes like 240k a year thereabouts, definitely more than double but i dont know the specifics).  i drive a 2015 toyota corolla le he drives a nicer but still affordable more luxury sedan hyundai sonata souped up with seat warmers navigation and he’s installed a dash cam and stuff.  my car is definitely a commuter car that’s just one level up from the s basic model.  when i htink about buying a new car i dont know if i could buy a lexus but yet i sometimes think about getting a tesla instead of a prius

another weird one is getting mad at myself for leaving reusable grocery bags LITERALLY in the trunk and then having to pay the $0.10 per bag.  I’ve easily spent at least $15 on bags prob.  Before i would be kicking myself hard cause i’d need to pinch pennies.  another thing that ive noticed makes me feel “rich” is i can sustain my craft coffee/boba habit just fine and not give a fuck.  before i got more mindful of it i htink my my coffee boba budget was like $100 a month.  ive always loved craft coffee, but it has to be RIGHT if i was gonna spend $6.  when i was living w my parents in san diego going to a new coffee shop and driving up to encinitas or whatever was like THE trip. now i get philz off my mobile app whenever i head out of class or if im feeling like it and its not that special

but yeah, im not rich by any means but it was huge to go from like $16 an hour at my office job/$15.70?? w/ benefits I think that was my starbucks shift supervisor rate/annual salaries of 20k ish to $39k at a law firm in downtown sac (grossly underpaid but at least rent was only $300 at a family friends) back to the law firm job up to $70k.  there i got a raise at the same job from 70 to 80k and then 80k to 86.

THEN cause i was privileged enough to have been able to save money making more when i hated my job i just up and quit (i think i had like no more than 5k in savings at the time --it wouldve been more but i spent 3k on prk/lasik).  anyway yeah i was lucky af and got a new job in a month -- and the offer for this job was 100k base, 10k bonus, some amount of stock (i still suck at this stuff) and a stupid amount of perks like $1000 gym reimbursement and basically free health insurance -- if i annualize all my pay+perks, assuming i get my full bonus, its prob like 120k.

so i have like 5x ed my income in 4 years since graduating from college.

the crazy part is people that were more privileged than me STARTED at 100k as new grads, including 401ks and what not.  im lucky becuase i started mine back when i was 18 at starbucks.

income inequality and access to knowledge/resources has become something ive become more aware about and passionate about over time.  me and my boyfriend clashed a lot earlier i think because we literally were in different planes of our lives and income levels.  we’ve been together 3 years, but have known each other for 4.  we broke up for 1 year in between -- and yeah ngl had i never improved myself or actually reached my income/earning potential we likely would not have gotten back together.  additionally him supporting me when we got back together raised me out of not the poverty level but yeah we met and i made 39k.  i took the plunge and moved out to sf for myself and lets be real for him too and made 70k which was a huge jump.  and in a short 15 months or so i jumped again to 100k base.

im never gonna make as much as he does (men/women blah we can get into that) but yeah even having access to money adjacently is so powerful.  anthony never outright gave me money and im too much of a hardass independent person that ive NEVER borrowed money from him, never intend to.  i really vehemently despise the idea of free loading but because of him just being around yeah my life has been improved.  

when we met in 2015 in our young 20s we were in our have fun phase.  i was too poor to have gone to thiings like coachella or out to a concert.  he got me into music and made it easy for me to experience because he’d buy the ticket, drinks, pick me up and pay for sf parking.  i would likely get dinner ahead of time or something small and generally we would switch so if he got tickets one time i’d get them next.  but he ALWAYS paid for drinks and lets be real the occasional not drinks :P he had introduced me to music in such a way that i was willing to drop $800 or so on coachella + car camping + take pto days even when we were broken up 10ish months or whatever it was the first time we dated but if you think about it he likely dropped at least 1k on me during those 10 months without batting an eye lash.  i made 39k at the time working in downtown sacramento and he made 90k base (maybe 115k total comp) living in SF.

despite just basic things like me being immature for 23 -- a big reason i think we broke up at the time was the income level inequality.  it was both our first jobs out of school (first job out of stanford grad for him, he immediately got his masters out of undergrad).  i did a round of uc davis, community, uc davis.  

he told me he was breaking up with me because when we met i had originally wanted to be a lawyer and then didnt end up pursuing that path and he saw it as a lack of ambition/drive.  what he didnt see was general growing up and not having access to lawyers as i grew up, just me working at this really top tier A+ law firm and feeling out of place as an asian woman working with rich WASPs.  me wearing pencil skirts and having major impostor syndrome.  what he did end up seeing was an insecure version of myself in our relationship with me bending over backwards to make him happy.

when i moved to sf and made 70k it definitely was a huge ego boost to make that additional 30k, but to be real, here in sf and paying more rent than i was in sac and SD/just general living being expensive 70k wasnt that much.  what it did for my confidence though was priceless (i was an ea to a ceo at a tech startup).  i really grew into myself and was more confident in my abilities -- and honestly a lot of that was just getting older and knowing that i was good at things, bad at certain things and i wasnt going through my quarterlife/post grad crisis anymore.  

then those raises to 80k and 86k made me more ballsy.  these things were obvi practiced with anthony as i had a partner to discuss and practice with/an educated thought partner.  at this time anthony was making $150k base or so (after realizing he had been grossly underpaid as a PM for the 90k initial salary)

all of this set me up to basically make my position what it is now AND for it to be 100k.  tbh im a glorified low level coordinator at a big company.  i honest to goodness for the first three months probably worked a total of 2ish hours a day? this role should probably max out at 90k.  and by max out i mean this role likely shouldve started at 75k with incremental raises to get to 90 in like 3 years.  i STARTED at 100 and can likely if i play my cards right be promoted to a program manager in a year (or less).  that’ll prob bump me to a base of 120 or so if i’m aggressive.

i always shitted on sf when i moved here because i hate the tech bros, the elitist ppl, the vcs who think theyre out here changing the world but seriously being surrounded by people that went to ivy leagues or the UC’s that were better than mine have honestly, like my boyfriend, just uplifted my status.  something as small as casual lunch time conversation being more intellectual makes a huge difference for me re: how stimulated i feel and how much more energized ive become because of ppl around me.  i def still have impostor syndrome all the time but its been so much growth from 23 to 27.

30s should be great because ill be well into my career by then and making even more and closing the gap even more w my boyfriend.  its funny too cause hes 29 now AND FINALLY getting that postgrad quarter life crisis.  his privilege was able to offset him to have this crisis later on in life where he made more money and could make smarter choices.  privilege really is the thing that keeps on giving and im grateful to have started poor and really appreciate it.  as i make more money i also care more and more to give back.  if i ever do run for office in my 50s or whatever im gonna push for more access to education and arts.  i had an interest in this as an undergrad but couldnt pursue it because itd be a lifetime of poverty, but yeah who knows.

dang this went long but it is really interesting when i think about money and how much its effected me.  im lucky i was able to raise myself out of the level my immigrant parents brought me and my sister to.  them moving out of the philippines was the best thing that ever happened to me.  the second is them fronting the bill for my university education.  the privilege i have is extremely special and important and i want to honor their sacrifices because im sitting on a 100k because of decades of hard work and frugality on their ends.

im fucking lucky.

we gotta pass on the resources and uplift those around us if we are fortunate.  

...another rant altogether but i wish the leadership in the United States thought the same way. 

(end: 4:36am, why do i do this to myself)

[kijikook95]

Hi all!! My names Kirsty and this is my first ever fanfic! I hope you all enjoy it and in advance I will apologise for any mistakes and of course it’s not the best but I’d appreciate the support! Thanks x

Black spots started to cloud your vision…the room was getting smaller and smaller and you could no longer hear the loud, banging music. You felt dizzy and sick and wanted nothing more than to go home and breathe. 3 HOURS AGO… Have you ever wondered what life would be like if we were all happy? If we were all friends and got along? Yeah…me too but it would probably be pretty shit and we wouldn’t actually like each other because let’s be honest, we are all human and have our breaking points and, to be quite honest the arrogant bitch who looks like she has a stick up her ass is mine. *BUZZ* *BUZZ* The sound of your phone receiving a message brought you out of your train of thought. Once you saw the name of the culprit you instantly smiled. Lip- Hey (Y/N/N) (Y/N)- Hiya Lipster Lip- Really again with the whole Lipster thing? (Y/N)- Yas bitch Lip- K. Anyway you coming to Karen’s party tonight? (Y/N)- Probs not cause I wasn’t invited. Lip- Well your my best friend and I’m inviting you so your going, pleaseeeeeeeee Best friend? Is that all? You felt saddened as you read the words ‘best friend.’ You had always had a crush on Lip and he was so oblivious to the whole thing. *BUZZ* *BUZZ* Again you were taken away from your thoughts. Lip- Please come and I promise I’ll do your homework for a week. (Y/N)- Hmmmm…..make it 2 and we have a deal. Lip- Well then we have a deal. I’ll pick you up at 8? (Y/N)- Kk see you then Lipster XD Lip- Please stop with that (Y/N)-NEVER. you lay back on your bed and smiled. You had to look your best tonight you just had to impress Lip. You turn your head to look at the clock to see its already 6.30pm “Shit” you jump up quickly to get ready. 8pm: Lip walked on into your house like usual to get you. All you needed to do was apply your lipstick and you were ready. “(Y/N)” He shouts. “Coming” you reply as you walk down the stairs Lip just stares at you. You begin to feel your throat tighten, did he think you looked bad? Was he just going to leave? “Wow” He spoke. “D-do I l-look bad?” You stutter in response. He was silent for a few seconds. “What? No of course not (Y/N) you look great like always.” He gave you a big smile, the smile that makes your knees go weak and your breathe hitch. You gave him a smile and as you did the tightness in your throat reduced to nothing. You arrived at Karen’s house and were surprised by how crowded it was. Wow, you think internally that’s a lot of people. Maybe I can go back home? Noooooo you fight back you need to make a move on Lip tonight it has to be tonight. You take a deep breath and ignore yourself completely and just go. You hook onto Lips arm and you walk into the house together. If you thought outside looked crowded inside was worse. Inside was your worst nightmare come true. People were pushing and shoving you and you began to feel overwhelmed. Pure panic was all over your face and Lip saw. “Hey (Y/N) you alright?"  ” Uh y-yea I-I just need the t-toilet" you quickly unhook arms with Lip and run to the bathroom. “Deep breaths (Y/N) deep breaths” you say aloud to yourself. Black spots started to cloud your vision…the room was getting smaller and smaller and you could no longer hear the loud, banging music. You felt dizzy and sick and wanted nothing more than to go home and breathe. You leaned against the wall and sank down to the floor bringing your knees up to your chest. The tightness in your throat returned again but this time it was worse. You didn’t even hear the knock from the bathroom door as you struggled to gasp for breaths. “(Y/N), (Y/N) hey breathe just breathe” Tears were streaming down your face as you looked up to see Lip with a terrified look on his face. You tried to breathe but you just choked out. Lip did the only other thing he knew what to do. He grabbed your cheeks between his hands and crashed his lips on yours. You froze. After what seemed like minutes you finally kissed back, you could breath again and best of all you felt the pure passion of the kiss that would change your life.You parted ways, “s-sorry I didn’t know what else to do” Lip stated. “Please don’t apologise, I just wish it had of happened earlier” you said with a big grin. “You do?” “Yes Lip, I’ve liked you for a long, long time I just didn’t want to fuck up our friendship.” He smiled at you and kissed your forehead. “Let’s go home my baby girl” you smiled wider than you have ever smiled before. Who knew a panic attack would result in romance?