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inumkii · 1 year

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ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ if you know what’s right - megumi x reader

summary: you’re frustrated (and admittedly embarrassed) that you’ve made it this far in life without anyone ever asking you on a date. little did you know, it wasn’t any fault of yours- but your best friend who has the unfortunate habit of scaring any potential lover away.

genre: fluff, modern/college au (though it could be read as a normal au), best friends to lovers

wc: 1.8k

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ a/n: whenever i talk about reader wanting to be asked out just know its purely because they want someone to express romantic interest in them- im not talking about catcalls or anything weird when ppl get approached by weirdos. I hope that was clear!! :D

boys didn't ask you out

you always wished to be stopped on campus by someone cute and have them ask for your number. it was a little embarrassing at this point to admit no one has ever expressed romantic interest in you.

you tried to convince yourself that maybe you were just intimidating- but your close friend maki over here complains left and right about someone new approaching her for her instagram and she's probably the most intimidating person you knew. intimidating but glaringly beautiful

so what was your problem?

“she’s taken” a deep voice calls out from behind your shoulder, glaring daggers into the boy in front of you. mind you, the first boy who had ever approached you to ask you out!!

megumi, your best friend, places an awkward arm around your waist. trying to pull you out of this situation by acting as your boyfriend.

the boy in front of you looks like he’s about to shit his pants before stuttering out an apology. he takes off before you could even process the situation, leaving you stunned in the middle of the cafe you were in.

“what the hell?” you whip around to question your friend, “why would you say that??”

you pout at him. you’re more disappointed than you admittedly should be, wishing you had the opportunity to confront the situation yourself.

you pry megumi’s hand off your waist. it's a shame that this was how the situation was playing out. in any other instance, you would have gladly welcomed any form of physical touch from him.

megumi just tilts his head in confusion.

“he was asking you out, wasn't he?”

“yes,,”

“and you weren’t going to accept his invite, were you?”

“you can’t just assume that for me!” you frown. you bite your tongue, not wanting to sound pathetic over the fact that you were excited someone had finally seemed to like you.

“well he looked like a bit of a loser” megumi shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs. he’s struggling to find your source of irritation.

“and what if i liked losers?” you snip, tone accidentally coming across too harsh causing you to back track. you’re aware at how stupid you sound getting mad over something so trivial. you know deep down he’s just trying to help you out, “look, megumi. i'm sorry,, im just in a bad mood right now. i would just appreciate it if you let me handle it next time.”

“ah- im sorry” megumi’s eyes shift to the side. he's a little embarrassed, “nobara and maki have a better time dealing with this situation when one of us pretends to be their boyfriend. i thought it would be the same.”

“yeah, well i'm not nobara or maki,” your sharp tone dissipates into a more disappointed sound. you weren’t like your two friends. people don't line up at the door to ask you out. what a common experience for them wasn’t one for you. and you knew its a dumb thing to be jealous of but it didn't stop you from hoping one day you’d catch someone’s attention like that too.

megumi’s a smart guy, too intelligent for his own good even. he catches on quickly what you meant by that.

he feels kind of bad, recounting the amount of times he gave the stink eye to a guy who looked at you with the slightest interest. he would never take it back though- he didn’t want any guy getting too close to you. was that wrong of him?

maybe a little,,,

he awkwardly clears his throat, “i don’t think it's anything like that,” he tries to console you without letting on that he might be the reason you don’t get approached nearly as much as you want to.

you only huff and continue sipping at your fairly watered down latte that hadn’t received much attention in the last ten minutes.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

“-and then he said he was my boyfriend!” you wail to nobara, who’s currently splayed across your bed. she scoffs in amusement as she adds the finishing touch to her manicure.

“and that’s a bad thing for you?”

your face warms. you suppose you have been a little too fixated on your frustrations that you hadn’t considered how megumi didn’t hesitate to jump into boyfriend act. sure, he had told you that him and itadori do this whenever nobara was being hit on but you both know it was mostly itadori. anytime it was fushiguro had to be in his place, it was comically forced to say the least.

looking back on the situation, he had almost immediately jumped in to reject the guy,

“listen yn, all i'm trying to say is that i don't think the reason why you’re not getting asked on dates is because of your appearance- i mean look at you!” she caps her nail polish and sits up, “i think megumi is cockblocking you”

“but this is the only time he’s done this?” her implications go over your head

“i need you to think-” she quips, “when's the last time you went out and megumi wasn’t with you?”

“so you think we look like a couple everytime we go out?” you ask her incredulously, trying not to sound as flustered as you feel.

“something like that-” she purses her lips, trying to decide if it was worth megumi (and maybe even you) being severely pissed off for revealing that she's witnessed multiple glares he’s given guys who even think about asking you out. “i just don’t think you look the most approachable when hes always attached to your hip”

you groan. you’re absolutely hopeless.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

days go by and this is the third time in a row megumi sees you arrive from the city with nobara. as your closest friend, he’s the one that always gets asked to accompany you on your little trips off campus. you must be mad at him over that one incident- or worse, completely weirded out over the fact that he pretended to be your boyfriend. that thought mortifies him.

he doesn’t realize he’s gritting his teeth as he approaches you and nobara. before you know it, nobara has already separated herself from you, blurting out a quick ‘see you later!’ as she disappears to her own dorm.

now it's just you standing there, frozen, as a brooding megumi approaches him. you would be a little scared at his expression but as he got closer, you could see the frown on his face was more of a pout. cute..

“i’m sorry” he confronts you directly. he just wanted to quickly resolve whatever he did to make you avoid him.

“..sorry?” you question your friend. you had only really been mad at him for less than a day, getting over it after that conversation with kugisaki. but you hadn’t been acting strange to him in the days after that to warrant him being upset about it. the only thing you had done was go out with nobara more instead of him..

“yeah- i wanted to apologize for the other day. if i,,, you know,, made you uncomfortable?” his eyes shift down to his shoes, not really knowing what to say next. his words come off a little blunt, but you pick up his sincerity.

you only smile a little at how nervous he looks, though you felt bad for worrying him, he looked kind of cute like this.

“i wasn’t uncomfortable, megumi,, don’t worry,” your words lift a weight off his shoulders and his posture is slightly less slumped as you continue, “i’m sorry too. i shouldn’t have gotten mad at you,, i was just frustrated that you had answered that guy instead of letting me do it. i don’t get asked out a lot so i was hoping i could’ve handled it myself.”

maybe you shouldn’t have overshared that last part, but you owed him a proper explanation.

“ah- i guess im sorry for that too.”

you blink at him.

huh?

“excuse me?” you question his new apology.

megumi’s looking everywhere but you. he’s certain that his face is burning red by now.

“i sort of,,” he pauses, embarrassed to be admitting this, “i think i have the habit of staring down anyone who looks like they’re about to approach you.”

that wasn’t the answer you had expected from him. frustrated, you open your mouth to ask him why the hell he even admitted that, but he cuts you off.

“i guess i just was being selfish. i didn’t want anyone to ask you out.” he scratches the back of his neck nervously. he hopes you don’t notice him sweating out of stress. “i shouldn’t have been doing that.”

he turns his back to walk away, not having anything else to add on and wanting this conversation to end as soon as possible. you’re almost left stunned in place but you manage to slap some sense into yourself to stop him from leaving.

“wait! megumi” you jog to catch up to the retreating boy and place a hand on his arm, “you like me?”

“yes.” megumi mentally slaps himself for being so blunt. he supposes he’s already dug himself in a deep hole and he knows you deserve the grander confession you’ve been yearning for, so he works up the courage to confess properly. he owes you that, atleast.

there’s a slight pause so megumi can gather the correct words for you.

“i really enjoy spending time with you, more than you realize. those last few days you took nobara out to the city instead of me made me upset. part of it was me being jealous you started choosing her over me and part of it was me worrying that the thought of being perceived as your boyfriend from a few days ago completely repulsed you out of hanging out with me. yn, i like you. a lot. i’m sorry for robbing you of all the confessions you should’ve been getting so i hope this somewhat makes up for it… or not, you can slap me now if you don’t like me back.” he closes his eyes, bracing himself for the worse.

what he doesn’t expect is a pair of arms wrap around his stiff body, still braced for any hit you could’ve thrown his way.

he slowly melts into your embrace, lifting his arms to mimic your action. he doesn’t realize he’s been holding his breath this whole time until he sighs into your hair.

“megumi, i hope you know that i’d take the worst confession from you over any coffee shop boy. i like you too,” you confess as you hold him close to you, chin resting on his shoulder.

“oh so this confession was the worst?” you can hear his smirk in his tone. you laugh, knowing he’s relaxed into your touch.

“oh shut it, you know that's not what i meant!” you push yourself back, lightly shoving his chest. he doesn’t let you part from the hug for too long before he pulls you back in, burying his face in your neck.

he smiles like an idiot before answering,

“i know, i know”

#megumi fluff #megumi fushiguro x reader #megumi x reader #megumi headcanons #megumi imagines #megumi x you #megumi scenarios #jjk headcanons #jjk imagines #jjk x reader #jjk scenarios #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen scenarios #jujutsu kaisen imagines

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evesetchings · 6 months

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So in @novalizinpeace’s poppy playtime au, specifically in the cartoon portion, the critters have these magic pendants that give them certain abilities. This isn’t limited to the gang, and all sorts of different pendants exist for different characters, but there’s a catch.

In this post, they talk about how if the magic in the pendant overwhelms a critter, it can transform them into a myth, a magical, monstrous being with incredible power, but can sometimes be incredibly dangerous to the people around them.

So I decided to take the 8 main critters and turn them into horrible little beasties for my amusement, and now I wish to show you guys the fruits of my labor.

tw for mild body horror and psychological horror under the cut

Dogday - Sol

This is the only ‘canon’ myth critter that exists in the au. Every time Dogday is pushed past his limit and gets too angry with something he transforms into sol, who is a mindless flaming warrior with no logic or regard for their surroundings. This leads to them being pretty dangerous to be around, but Sol isn’t evil, they just want to protect their user from any harm, and if left to their own devices, would probably self-isolate to protect themselves (and others) from harm.

2. Hoppy Hopscotch - Notus

The first of my original designs. Notus is the transformed version of Hoppy, and has the same weather manipulation powers, just to a much larger degree. Although she mostly uses it to make her storms larger. Notus’s mental state is much more stable than Sol (relatively), specifically in that she can remember her past life, but not specific people, so friends and even family are hardly whispers in her mind, if even that. She is quite competitive, viewing her storms as a contest to see how big she can make them, and will never back down from a challenge, doing everything in her power to win, but she is also a graceful loser, and hates cheaters. Her name comes from the Greek god of south winds, who is associated with wetness and the coming of rains.

3. Bubba bubbaphant - Ganesha

This guy’s name comes from the Hindu deity of new beginnings and the patron of the sciences and arts, who is also represented by a man with an elephant’s head and four arms. His mental state is similar to that of Notus, in that he can remember specific events from his past, but not people. He has become incredibly intelligent, being able to solve complex equations and understand lots of different subjects, but his already prevalent neuroticism has been turned up to eleven, with even the slightest infraction driving him to a rage, which can make him incredibly dangerous to deal with, but also rewarding, as his intellect allows him to answer many questions. He can also spin webs, because spider.

4. Bobby Bearhug - Callisto

Callisto is a little different from the other myths. She can remember her name, and her past, and the people around her, but only sometimes. You see, her pendant’s natural power is to absorb the excess emotion around her, and it still does that, but if she absorbs to much, then it leads to her transformation into a massive bear like monster with one goal, to make the excess stop by any means necessary. This has led to her voluntary exile in order to stop herself from hurting the people around her, which causes Bobby a great deal of pain, but it’s better than letting herself hurt the people she cares about the most. Her name comes from a nymph who was transformed into (what else) a bear by a furious Hera.

5. Pickypiggy - Limos

Unlike most of the others, Limos can hardly remember who she once was, much less the people in her life or what they mean to her. Instead she is driven by her one deepest instinct: to care and provide for the people around her. She works tirelessly to cook and prepare extravagant meals for anyone who might need it, leading to her neglecting her own health and her living environment. She also has to deal with a ravenous hunger that pains her every moment, and often leads her to devouring her dishes as soon as she finished, causing even further distress. Her name comes from the Greek goddess of starvation, which i don’t think is a very good comparison, but I can’t think of anything better, so eh.

6. KickinChicken - The Roc

Kickin’s transformed state is probably the least actively dangerous to be around. He’s a large, powerful bird capable of flying incredibly fast, as well as being incredibly loud and aggressive, but never actively harmful. His mental state is kind of the opposite of Notus and Ganesha, in that he can remember specific people and places, but not his past nor his name, and goes out of his way to try and help others. The key word being ‘try’, as his loud and aggressive demeanor often end up causing more damage than assistance. His name comes from an Arabian creature that is described as a bird of prey large enough to carry an elephant, which I thought was a good choice, and I couldn’t find any mythological chickens that really fit him.

7. Craftycorn - Apophis

Her name comes from an Egyptian monster that is said to be the embodiment of chaos and disorder, although Crafty is significantly less malevolent than her mythological counterpart. The main effect of her presence is the chaotic shifting of her environment, colors swapping and shapes changing into maelstrom of chaos around her, with the effect getting stronger the closer you get towards her, and any critter who does so has the very real risk of being torn apart. Apophis herself isn’t doing much better, with her entire body constantly melting into multicolored goop that has a consistency similar to that of candle wax. Not much is known about her mental state, as no one is brave enough to get close to her for risk of being killed, but there has to be something left of her as her maelstrom very much has the capacity to expand over the entire world and destroy it, the only reason it hasn’t is because Crafty appears to be holding it back through sheer force of willpower.

8. Catnap - Ouranos

Ouranos is probably the one who’s the most ‘in there’, besides Callisto in her non murder mode. He can remember his past life quite clearly and the people in them. In fact the only difference between him and normal Catnap is that Ouranos is slightly more apathetic towards outside events. He’s floated off into space and now observes to world from the heavens, watching as everything drifts by, because he can’t exactly leave. He can, however, see his friends suffering, and wishes he had the capability to help them in any way he could.

Once again thanks to @novalizinpeace for the au and all concepts belong to her.

#I love torturing children :)#poppy playtime #Dogday #hoppy hopscotch #bubba bubbaphant #bobby bearhug #pickypiggy #kickinchicken #craftycorn #catnap #body horror #art #angst #smiling critters arg #smiling critters #smilingcritterslostmedia

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heavenlymorals · 4 months

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Arthur Morgan's Depression

(Warning: Spoilers for RDR2 and mental health issues)

Arthur Morgan is depressed. Yes, I know the writers haven't exactly come out and said that he is depressed, but it does not take a genius to see that Arthur Morgan is a man who deals with many demons and monsters. Arthur Morgan has some sort of functional depression, and it is shown in many ways. In many missions, he seems downtrodden and sad, but he goes along with it anyway because what else can you do? He talks about himself in such a degrading manner in the mirror, and not just in a way that we all do sometimes, but in a way that invokes actual hatred of himself.

He thinks he's ugly when he's a conventionally attractive man. He thinks he's dumb when he's very witty and smart. He gets knocked down for his intelligence a lot by both Dutch and Hosea (we, as a fandom, need to stop pretending that Hosea is perfect because he really isn't). I know that dudes generally joke like that a lot, but those two aren't his “friends”; they are quite literally his father figures. It's different. His journal is filled with self-doubt, pain, and a general apathetic outlook on life.

But as I was playing “A Quiet Time,” one interaction between Lenny and Arthur stood out to me.

“Why ain't you never married?”

“'Cause no one will have me.”

In the context of this mission, I think this was written as an “oh damn” kinda joke, something out of left field to make the player laugh. But after thinking about it more, I realized something.

If you guys follow my posts, then you probably know that I love to interpret things from a sociocultural perspective—so let's do that.

Now, this is an obvious reference to Mary and how she rejected him in the end for Barry Linton to keep her family satisfied. It might also allude to Eliza or other female love interests that Arthur might've had at some point.

But it may also be a nod to the culture of 19th century America and what it entailed for men.

Arthur isn't married at 36 years old. Men were expected to be married generally by their twenties. He has no children or legacy—the only one he did have died years ago. He doesn't have property or a home—he's always on the move with the gang (given how defensive he got with that woman he picks up to go to Lagras, it's probably a point of insecurity). He has no respectable profession—he should've had an honest career by now.

He hopes that Dutch will get his shit together and have them put their outlaw ways behind them, but Dutch literally cannot, and Arthur is the one feeling the burn for it. He has missed so many milestones that he “should've” reached by this point, yet he is still doing the same thing he was doing since he was a young teen.

He can't bring himself to leave Dutch either, as he feels like he has a debt to pay to the man (“I gotta try! I owe him that, at least.”) that can never be paid.

And that has to fucking hurt. You already hate yourself on the outside by thinking you're hideous. You hate yourself on the inside because you think you're dumb. You feel unaccomplished, like a damn loser. And on top of all of that? You can't bring yourself to let go of all the factors that make you feel that way because “they're family” and “they need you.”

You're trapped, and everything feels awful. I'd be depressed too.

It might also be another reason why Arthur is jealous and angry at John. He has a wife, he has a child, he doesn't feel particularly obligated to the gang (hence leaving for a year), he has a chance to do better, and he just doesn't care. He's reached so many milestones that Arthur misses not because he wants them, but out of pure luck, and I'm sure Arthur feels bitter about it.

It's just sad, man.

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #john marston #dutch van der linde #hosea matthews #depression #mental health #story analysis #character analysis

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strwbnnie · 2 years

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For awhile my favorite pair of sweatpants had a hole in the crotch and after a long day of work I didn’t want to wear underwear and have them chafing my ass so I would just be very careful how I sat and shit but imagine how Katsuki would react if he found out you were walking around with no underwear on in pants that had a hole exposing ur pussy if u moved wrong. (My thighs are so big they mostly hid it lmao) I just imagine him being so mean about it.

Next time say hi 😭 buttt this was a great hc so I turned it into something lol

Pairing: K. Bakugo x Chubby Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ MDNI

fingering, degradation (use of slut, whore, etc), aged up characters, y’all are both adults

❀

🌸Listen, Katsuki would totally be a mean little shit about this. But in his defense, It’s his first time dating a thick bitch so he probably doesn’t even know what chafing is 😭

🌸So of course he thinks you’re being a lil slut— thinks you’re a lazy little whore who probably cut the hole for easier access to play with your pussy.

🌸Or maybe you’re just being a dumb brat, trying to tease and tempt him, being selfish with your pretty pussy like it already doesn’t belong to him.

🌸He didn’t even know why you loved wearing those dumb ass pants anyway. He loved seeing your thick thighs and juicy ass in nothing but those cheeky pink panties with the heart design on the ass.

🌸So when he teleports himself from across the room to sitting beside you, he’s just that damn fast, he’s fucking floored when he catches a glimpse of your bare pussy through that hole.

🌸He looks at you with an unreadable face, but one thing you can tell, he’s fucking annoyed. Most of all he’s fucking offended.

🌸He’s got a face to ride and all this dick for you to sit on, yet you’ve resorted to rubbing your pussy through your pants like a horny loser in college.

🌸Next thing you know he’s slapping your laptop closed and tossing it aside like it’s not a thousand dollar piece of machinery.

🌸Then he’s on you, spreading your thick thighs and tossing your left leg over his shoulder. Your body goes rigid when you feel it—he’s rubbing your clit right through that hole.

🌸He just knows you cut it to fuck with him. But he doesn’t expect you to be as shocked as you are. You’re looking at him with those big dumb eyes and that stupidly cute face, makes him lose his damn mind every time.

🌸“What? This what ya wanted, right?” He’s taunting you heavily and on top of that you lose the feeling of his fingers rubbing those slow circles. Your whimpers of protest are pathetic, trying to be innocent when you’re really just a whore. His whore.

🌸“Wan’ me to stop?” He’s pressing his forehead up against yours, almost like he’s studying you. It’s so intimate but also intimidating, which is why you’re focusing your eyes down and away from his.

🌸“Do you want me to stop, dumbass?” His voice has more bass this time, a little scary but so fucking hot. The shaking of your head has him grinning evilly. “N-no.”

🌸Good cause after a light pinch to your clit, he’s flipping his hand palm up and stuffing two thick fingers into your cunt.

🌸You’re already wet and squelching around his fingers. He’s relentless, squeezing and kneading your thigh like a damn stressball as he fucks those fingers into you so hard and fast.

🌸You’re on the verge of tears with how good his fingers are making you feel. Especially when he begins to curl and flick them up and down, bumping that gummy area at the roof of your cunt and forcing a broken moan of his name for you lips. “Uhhuh, needy bitch.”

🌸He’s staring at your fucked out face, eyes fluttering open every so often, mouth open in a wide ‘o’. “Fuckin’ pathetic. Got a man but ya’ still gotta rub one out huh?”

🌸His taunting fell on deaf ears as he fucked you with his fingers. You’re too fucked out on a cloud of euphoria to even respond anything intelligent.

🌸Your sweaty palm is slipping against the smooth leather of the couch so you dig your nails into his forearms, having no where else to grab. Of course he doesn’t mind, he didn’t fight crime everyday to be afraid of a little scratches.

🌸You’re cooing and keening, several curses of ‘oh fuck’ and ‘right fucking there’ spilling from your lips. “Shut the fuck up, like I don’t know how to work your needy cunt.”

🌸Your eyes widen at his harsh words, cunt clenching simultaneously. “Kats, you’re b-being mean.” He doesn’t say anything, but he presses a kiss to your lips. Quick though, cause he’s still upset in love with you.

🌸As soon as he feels your pussy clenching around his fingers he’s pulling them out. Then he sits up, pulling you down and prying your legs wider, one pressed against your chest and the other strewn over the back of the couch.

🌸You might as well kiss those sweatpants goodbye babes cause as soon as he hooks his fingers inside that hole, the meanest smirk on his face, you hear the dreading sound of fabric ripping.

🌸You’d look down in absolute horror to see a gaping hole right at your crotch and his dick now freed, pushing right up against your sopping cunt.

🌸You saw all 8.5 inches of that slightly curved cock with his pretty pink tip kissing right up against your entrance, teasing with every shallow thrust he gave. “Relax baby, just givin’ you what you wanted..”

❀

#bakugou x chubby reader #bakugou smut #black reader #bnha smut #chubby reader #mha x plus sized reader #bakugo x poc!reader #bakugou imagine #bakugou x black reader #bakugo headcanons #bakugou hcs #bakugo hcs #bakugo x chubby reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou headcanons

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splendidunboyfriendable · 10 months

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hold on (brian quinn x reader)

[I know this is a little random but you know what older men do to me. Trigger warning for mild descriptions of sexual assault. This is also posted to the japage3moondog ao3.]

Part One: Hold Me Back

Part Two: Hold Me Down

"So, what would you say is Q's biggest flaw in your relationship?" Joe asked.

"I love him," You answered. "but he can be a little jealous."

"In Q's punishment today," Sal started to explain. "we are going to be exploiting this flaw."

"We're gonna see if we can get him to punch someone in the face basically." Murr joked.

...

You had been dating Brian for almost half a year now. He'd kept your relationship pretty much just between the two of you, especially in the early months. The privacy was nice. Even though he wasn't a necessairily big celebrity, he still attracted some publicity and you weren't really the type to enjoy that.

Brian was your dream man. He was almost too good to be true. You could have serious, intelligent conversations with him but he could still make you laugh. He made you feel safe, loved and respected. Every moment with him was a cherished memory. His only real flaw was his jealousy.

Everyone who knew Brian, knew about his possessive tendancies. He would glare at every guy who looked at you when you were out. He was fiercely protective and shut down any joke or jab at your expense. He would keep his arm wrapped tight around your waist in public, keeping you close as possible.

As far as he was concerned, anyone who hung around you for too long was trying to get in your pants. He made it his mission to show those punks that you were happily taken. You knew part of it was just his touch-starved side but there was definitely some underlying insecurity you were trying to work through together.

He made you aware of the implications of dating him from the start - the show, his tight friend group, his insecurities. All thanks to doing a risky 20 questions on your first date. You were grateful that he was upfront, if not intimidated by his honesty.

Meeting the guys was like meeting his parents. It was a little awkward, given how well they knew each other but you got along fairly well. When Murr asked you if you were interested in being featured on his show, you were surprised that they wanted you to be involved.

You had to give it a lot of thought and they had to give you a lot of convincing but eventually you agreed. They were waiting on an episode where Brian would lose so they could use you in the punishment segment. Something involving random strangers hitting on you while Brian was forced to deal. Initially, you were hesitant to touch on such a sensitive part of your relationship but the guys assured you that they'd take the fall if anything went awry.

...

The guys stood outside of the club, riffing while they waited for the shoot to start.

"Q," Murr said, grinning at the camera."you are the loser of today's episode."

"And for your punishment," Sal explained. "you're going to the club!"

Brian rolled his eyes as the other jokers laughed at him.

"Why don't you take a look at this outfit, buddy?" Joe threw clothes at him that landed at his feet.

Brian picked up the shirt first - a cropped baby tee with the phrase 'SINGLE & READY 2 MINGLE' across the chest and 'GRAB MY ASS 4 MY PHONE #' along the back in pink, puffy paint. He chuckled, comparing the small size of the shirt to his chest. Underneath the shirt, laid a pair of equally small, booty shorts that looked like they would cut off the circulation to his legs.

"Uh, I don't think these are my size, fellas." Brian said, confused.

"That's 'cause it's not for you," Joe went on, between laughs. "it's for your lovely girlfriend."

Brian's pleasant expression dropped immediately. The thought of a random guy groping you made his blood boil. He subconsciously curled his fingers into tight fists at the hypothetical.

"While your girlfriend is out making some new friends," Sal laughed. "you're going to be behind the bar of this club behind us."

"And if you make any drinks wrong," Murr added. "let's just say we'll be upping the anti."

...

You put on the outfit the guys had chosen for you. You had to admit that it felt nice to be part of one of their jokes but you were nervous for the outcome. You checked yourself out in the club bathroom mirror. The shorts clung nicely to the curve of your ass, leaving a cheeky bit of flesh visible. The tshirt barely covered your bra, the text stretched over your chest. You smiled at your appearance, hoping that Brian would get to see you like this.

You checked the time on your phone, awaiting the start of the punishment. Sal had sent you a text, telling you to sit at the bar but not to order anything yet. You followed the instructions, picking the stool farthest from the noise of the DJ's booth. You were greeted by the sight of your boyfriend in dinky bartender's garb.

"Can I get you anything, sweetheart?" He asked, leaning over the bar to be closer to you.

"They told me not to get anything yet," You answered. "your outfit's adorable."

"I'd say the same to you if we weren't here right now." He spoke through his teeth. "If anyone even looks at your ass, I swear to god, I'll murder them with my bare hands."

You could see the anger burning in his eyes. His usual big brown irises shone with flicks of colour from the club lights. His brow was furrowed and he was biting the inside of cheek. He was trying to keep true rage a secret, but it was written all over his face. He moved closer to you, his fingers grazed your chin, tilting your head upwards. Your eyes fluttered closed as your lips connected. As embarrassing as it was to be the type of couple to make out in public, you knew you both needed this.

"Hey!" Sal scolded, sitting beside you at the bar. "Cut that out, you're making it seem like she's off the market."

You pulled away, still tasting him on your lips. Brian was already shooting daggers at Sal, exhaling deeply through his nose.

"Can I get you anything?" Brian asked, his jaw clenched.

"A beer," Sal said, pulling out his wallet. "and a drink for my lady friend here."

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose before pouring Sal a beer and slamming it down on the table in front of him.

"What would you like, baby?" He turned to you, placing his hand on yours.

"Just a water please." You answered as he slid you a bottle of water.

Sal put down a ten dollar bill and slid an arm around your waist.

"Why don't we hit the dance floor?" Sal set your drink down and you followed him away from the bar, but still in Brian's field of view.

"Hey!" Sal scolded, sitting beside you at the bar. "Cut that out, you're making it seem like she's off the market."

You pulled away, still tasting him on your lips. Brian was already shooting daggers at Sal, exhaling deeply through his nose.

"Can I get you anything?" Brian asked, his jaw clenched.

"A beer," Sal said, pulling out his wallet. "and a drink for my lady friend here."

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose before pouring Sal a beer and slamming it down on the table in front of him.

"What would you like, baby?" He turned to you, placing his hand on yours.

"Just a water please." You answered as he slid you a bottle of water.

Sal put down a ten dollar bill and slid an arm around your waist.

"Why don't we hit the dance floor?" Sal set your drink down and you followed him away from the bar, but still in Brian's field of view.

You looked back at Brian, shooting him a sympathetic look as you danced with Sal.

"It's a pity we haven't spoken much before this." He said, twirling you to the music. "It does make this funnier though."

"Are guys really going to grab my ass?" You asked nervously. "I don't want Brian to catch a charge."

"It'll be fine, I'm here to make sure nothing gets too crazy," He assured you. "just relax and have fun."

You did your best to listen to him and focus on the music. You didn't go out often, especially not out to clubs, so getting to dance around was a treat. The music wasn't what you'd usually enjoy but there was something about the lights and the people around you that just made it perfect. Sal would shoot you a comforting grin every now and then, reminding you of the joke.

It took barely twenty minutes for the first guy to grab your ass. If you hadn't felt it, Brian shattering a beer glass against the bar would've felt it for you. You turned around to a stranger holding up his phone with his contacts open. Out of shock, you put in a bunch of random numbers so he'd go away. You looked back at Sal, jaw still grazing the floor. He had his fist in his mouth, cackling away.

You turned to see Brian trying to jump over the bar, Joe and Murr holding him back to prevent the murder that was about to occur. You mouthed at him that you were okay but the distance between you made it unintelligible. You tried to walk back over to him but Sal pulled you back.

"I'll talk to him, just wait here." He said. "Murr'll come over, we'll switch places."

You were definitely more stiff without the security of Sal by your side but Murr didn't make it a long wait. You were just waiting for the punishment to be over, trying to enjoy what you could.

"Q is totally going to kill someone tonight." Murr laughed.

You looked back at your boyfriend, Joe and Sal calming him down.

"How many guys have to grope me before this is over?" You asked.

"Only a couple more," He answered. "do me a favour, give the next guy Q's number."

You giggled at the thought of Brian getting a late night text from a horny stranger. The next guy looked about half your size and you could feel his hands shake even though the touch was only for a second. You dutifully put Brian's number in as your contact, leaving a winky emoticon next to some made up name. You didn't even have to turn around to know that Brian was fuming. Murr looked like he was about to die of laughter. You giggled along too, the humour of douchebags thinking they had a chance with you forcing up a chuckle.

The final switch was made, Joe taking Murr's place. He awkwardly danced next to you, glancing at Brian every so often.

"You having a good time?" He asked.

"I'm alright," You shrugged. "but, I'm a little worried about Brian's blood pressure."

"We'll get him on pills." Joe joked, making you laugh.

"Hey, baby." A stranger came up behind you and pulled you up against him by your hips. You froze for a moment, in shock of what just happened. After the realisation hit, you turned around slapping the man across the face.

"Where's my number?!" The guy snapped.

Joe signalled over club security, pulling you away from the creepy guy. The bouncer

"Holy shit," Joe said. "are you okay?"

"I'll live," You answered honestly. "I knew it was a possibility, I'm fine, really."

Brian rushed over to you, hugging you as tightly as possible. You reciprocated the embrace, wrapping your arms around his neck and letting him hold you. You could feel his rapid heartbeat thud against your chest. His breathing steadily evened out as he held you.

"God almighty, sweetheart," He whispered in your ear. "I'll never let that happen again."

"It's okay, Brian, I'm yours" You assured him. "I'll always be yours."

When you pulled away from the hug, you saw the guys huddled around you, looking shaken up.

"Is everything cool?" Sal offered you a sympathetic look. "We don't have to air this."

"Yeah, we can always put him in a cage with spiders." Murr joked.

"No, you should use this for the show," You said. "it's funny."

"You guys can head home," Joe made shooing motions. "we'll stay and film the outro."

Brian nodded at them, sliding his arm around your waist as he led you to the car. You rested your head on his shoulder, relieved to feel his hands on you instead of some perverted stranger. You breathed in his cologne while he gently rubbed your side.

"I really am fine." You said, looking up at Brian.

"I know, I know," He spoke gently. "you just seem cold. I can feel your goosebumps, honey."

He opened the passanger door for you, giving you a chaste kiss before getting in the car himself. He rested his hand on your thigh while he drove. You leaned against the window, listening to him hum along to the radio. You could still see a glint of anger in his eyes.

"Just so you know," He made eye contact with you through the rear view mirror. "I'm going to destroy your ass when we get home."

#brian quinn x reader #impractical jokers x reader

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tetsunabouquet · 11 months

Note

Could you please do hatefucking with the bad boys? (Hanamiya, Haizaki, Imayoshi and Nash)

A/N: Here will be some small drabbles for each! HAPPY KINKTOBER!

(18+)

Hanamiya had a long list of why he hated you. How you got under his skin by always being one step ahead of him with that angelic look on your face when you both knew you could be just as calculated as he was, how every act of innocence was just you walking around with a holier then thou attitude. He hated how you could lazile eye him as a cat throughout the classroom, so drowsy yet something lurking underneath that he would always come to discover what it meant until it was too late. He hated how you always breezed by, never allowing him to find any dirt on you he could use. Hanamiya was consumned by those angry thoughts, blinded as his fingers wrapped themselves around your slim throat, as he pushed his pulsating length into you. He rammed himself in your pussy, as you tried to gasp underneath his rough fucking, tears pooling in your eyes. As he let go, the rush of oxygen filling your lungs made you climax, ruining his uniform. At the sight of yet again being slighted by you, he kept slamming himself balls deep until he came, wanting to defile your unprotected cunt just as you had defiled him. Perhaps that would teach you.

Haizaki had been intending to break you like this for a long time. Since middle school, really. When you had the nerve, to laugh to your friends how on earth Maiko could have dumped Kise for him? You had called him an average looking loser, and the haughty look on your face was one he had wanted to wipe off for a long time. Haizaki might not have been super intelligent, but this plan of his had been a stroke of genius and he was grateful to how he it had paid off. How you were crying as he had pushed your chest against the desk with brute force, how you couldn't escape with his hand golding your uniform so tightly, how you were drooling all over your paperwork as he fucked you without mercy. Your homework was getting ruined, and ink was staining your left cheek, but Haizaki couldn't care less. Let everyone see you were getting bullied by the cock you mocked so often, he wanted to see you walk around with his creampie dripping down your legs. His groans and your blissful whining filled the room, and you never thought you would have done anything so dirty and shameful, moaning like a bitch as Haizaki fucked you as if you were one. "Who's cock is making you feel good now?" He growled, and you clenched your walls pathetically around him. "Yours," you said as tears ran across your cheeks. "That's what I thought!"

Imayoshi had been at his limit with your antics. You always had the bloodboiling habit to show up in the library when he was studying and making a ruckus. Who on earth, was so impolite to constantly cause a scene in the library? That truly was having a complete lack of manners. Imayoshi had gone over countless scenarios of how he could shut you up, but none was so satisfying as this was; seeing you on your knees as you choked on his cock. The only sounds you were making now, was slurping and gagged noises that sounded way too cute as you should sound. The way you looked so extremely sexy, was sending his hands into your hair as he angrily slammed his cock down your throat. How could someone as annoying, aggrivating as you, dare to look so tempting to him? The anger was burning his skin, just as his arousal was. This wasn't enough. He undid the tie to his uniform. "Get up." You did as he ordered, and he shoved his tie that he had curled up into a ball, into your mouth. He grabbed you by your legs, making you land on the table with your back; a loud smack heard but nothing else, as Imayoshi reached up to pull your panties down. You could only breathe in deeply through your nose, before he slammed himself inside of you.

Nash Gold Jr surprisingly had a small list of things he hated, considering who he was. Your name was at the top of that tiny little list. You were the little sister of Marcus the Magical, who had been his primary rival in basketball since the three of you were but little kids, your snotty face always so eager to rub it in his face how Marcus was pure magic whilst Nash was just practicing your big brother's craft. That attitude you had, whilst you didn't play at all, was the reason why your name was higher on his list then your brother's. And finally, Nash had been able to achieve the thing he had been craving since puberty; Your body pressed against a locker, your limbs hanging around awkwardly as he used you as a fuckdoll after having beaten your brother at last. It was the ultimate victory, seeing your brother's face twist with disbelief and anger, seeing your shocked and scared little face as he dragged you into the locker room and hearing the broken moans errupting from your throat as he pumped his dick into your wet little pussy. "I should have known an uptight bitch like you was still a virgin." He hissed, your pussy quivering at the sensation of being forced open and receiving a rockhard cock. You couldn't say anything, you had lost your tongue. The only things on your mind was how your brother, his team and the entirety of Jabberwock could hear you sob Nash's name and that delicious dick making you a woman.

#knb #kuroko's basketball #knb x reader #hanamiya makoto #haizaki shougo #imayoshi shoichi #nash gold jr #kinktober #kinktober 2023

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captainmera · 9 months

Note

Philip's epilouge is just gonna be him playing tic tac toe or some shit with Artmeis to pass the time (spoiler: he's lost 70 to 2)

That's pretty accurate, I think lmao. (TGB spoilers for Belos)

Like, he literally can't do anything in there.

He can't even kill Artemis or the beasts, they're ghosts. And they're his only company. He can't even run from them. And even if he tried to do anything, they'd just body slam him into the sand.

Even if Hunter stoneslept and wound up in there with Belos around, I think the stonesleeper would just eat Belos and keep him locked up in his mouth for as long as Hunter's there. Or the selkidomus would sit on him.

There's no dignity.

And I think Belos would know bugish, too, so Artemis is literally his only intelligent conversation anyway.

HE'S A SORE LOSER BUT I'M PRETTY SURE EVEN BELOS WOULD JUST... throw his hands up and accept loss. He technically got his brother back.

And Caleb can visit whenever he wants, as he's both the grimwalker blueprint AND the grimwalker (since the body wasn't finished and he possessed it before it had a soul).

So aside from Artemis, he'd have Caleb, too.

But I think the two of them would have a lot of temperamental arguments and exhausting conversations for the next decades or so.

I do think they'd have some sort of truce, though. But they're both Wittebanes, and the Wittebanes are wily men. Truce is truce for as long as it benefits them personally.

I do think Belos would revert back into a little brother role eventually, and be a bit compliant with Caleb's demands and requests for information. And have a kind of.. Resentful gratefulness that he has Caleb back, even if he's furious at him, and talks a lot about punishment and retribution for crimes that Philip doesn't have any remorse for.

He's not redeemed, at all. And won't be. Philip doesn't regret what he's done, but I do think he wants to be on a somewhat "agree-to-disagree lets keep it peaceful" relationship with Caleb.

He does, after all, wants his brother back. So if he's anyway stuck here, he has no choice but to meet halfway.

Which I think Caleb agrees to, but intends to make his brother, with time, at least feel regretful and understand the pain and destruction he's caused. Doubt that will happen, though. Maybe after he's served his 500-800 year sentence or whatever would be appropriate.

#toh #tgb au #tgb spoiler #toh belos #tgb artemis

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sea-buns · 5 months

Note

hey to a gorgug liker what do you think about his nightmare section from sophomore year? cause I feel like the horror there is less “ah my grandparents were racist” and more “fuck am I being a stereotype? are the people who hate me right about me?” cause wrt to his having to modulate between barbarian and artificer in fhjy it’s like. idk

oh boy do I have thoughts

Tbh, I had zero recollection of the racism stuff until reading this. It was just SO MINOR. His trial in the forest felt really lackluster to me. I feel like everyone else's really dug into an issue at the core of their character and his felt more like "everyone is getting a trial, what do we do for gorgug?" And idk if that was just a bad delivery/call on Brennan's part or if it could have been helped by Zac engaging more in it but it just. Didn't feel like anything. It was a lot more about the dice than the horror of the claustrophobia and the bugs and you've never fit in anywhere you live to make yourself smaller wherever you go you're just the loser who hits hard. Like yeah I guess there was an overarching theme of Gorgug gaining confidence in himself but it was done very poorly imo.

And I think his trial in the forest was wrong for putting such an emphasis on his intelligence. I think that would have been much better suited in fy, back when he was still being heavily bullied, but beyond that it felt like a quick and easy thing for them to grab. Yes, he had insecurities about his intelligence with all the complications with Zelda. But, to me, the focus of fhsy was his HEART. It put a spotlight on how his social circle has grown, and his bully is his friend now, and he's not alone anymore. His interactions with Ayda, the friendship book, trying to help Fabian, I believe in you spring break, it's Gorgug keep going. I made a post earlier in the season (including a great addition by another user) that I think articulates that emphasis on his emotional intelligence very well.

Fhjy HOWEVER. I think it's doing everything that sy failed at. It's giving him space to have an inner conflict. It's addressing lots of little issues and conflicts he's had over the campaign and combining them into one coherent piece. Like, guy was in a relationship pretty much all of fy, and then dealt with the fallout in sy, but I don't think we've EVER seen as much quality relationship development with Gorgug as we have in jy. He and Fig spent an entire summer together trapped in a tour bus and no season has indicated that bond and friendship more than this one. He and Riz have found something to bond over, meanwhile in previous seasons there was pretty much zero one-on-one personal interaction between them. Fabian expressed sadness over Gorgug leaving the Owlbears, because it was the only thing they had that was just for them to hang out and be friends.

Just with that, we're already doing leagues more with Gorgug's character than we ever have. And I haven't even STARTED on his barbificier journey, oh dear god lmao.

Gonna preface this bit with a post I made before the season even started. It was about Zac's steady improvement in his performances with every PC, and how I was predicting that it was gonna culminate into a Gorgug that does him the justice he deserves. It was initially supposed to be a criticism, but I got a little lost in the sauce of loving my boy lol. Still very relevant to the topic of this ask!

God, where do I START?? Addressing his relationship with rage? I'll be honest, I didn't think that would ever be used as a character arc. And I'm not even sure why I've felt that way. I just didn't think... I didn't think about how he might've had a dislike for his own rage. Like, the WAY he rages isn't bad by any means, but I don't think it ever crossed my mind how actually harmful his lessons to sing to combat rage were. No, I did not like the way Porter went about teaching him (a bit too unsupportive of his capabilities and reminiscent of shitty teachers for my liking). But his point about EMBRACING anger; that rage is not bad and does not— should not— need to be stifled. THAAAAT. That opened up such an interesting dialogue for Gorgug.

I do appreciate the beginnings of Gorgug's interest in artificing in fhsy. I think the crumbs of it back then did a great job of leading into his larger commitment to multiclassing. And I think what he's been doing with it this season is exactly what was lacking in his section of the nightmare forest. His trial was a puzzle, based entirely on die rolls, where his solution after failing even when he's assisted by the enemy is to essentially give up. I understand that facing their fears was the whole point of the trials, but his section came off as incredibly anticlimactic and unfulfilling. Just the fact that it was a trial based on stat numbers more than the development of the character itself.

Where junior year succeeds in actually showcasing his intelligence and the evolution of the worth he holds in himself is with the hands-on approach it takes. Yes, the academic rolls are still dice and stats, but there's a physical manifestation that wasn't there before. Gorgug is smart when it comes to getting his hands dirty. It is in the practical applications of his skills that his brand of intelligence shines the most.

And while, once again, I did not LIKE Porter's heavy resistance to multiclassing....I have to admit that I don't think Gorgug would have had such a boost in confidence without that struggle. Even if my boy had trouble expressing it to Porter verbally, HE STOOD UP FOR HIMSELF. Instead of simply rolling over and agreeing that he wasn't built for a technical class and it was stupid to try– he was DEFIANT.

The kid who said "I'm a dumbass. Eat me you stupid bug." took on FOUR CLASSES. Three school years worth of artificer simultaneously. AND stayed with the Owlbears. AND went along on party missions to help Kristen's candidacy. AND was always on deck to help the party with the overarching plotline.

AND HE ACED IT!!! THE FIRST BARBIFICER THAT THE AGUEFORT ADVENTURING ACADEMY HAS EVER SEEN!!!!! He is paving the way for every unprecedented multiclass that follows.

Just in comparison to who he was in the previous season, the amount of drive and self-worth he's gained is astounding. In my eyes, it's done more than enough to makeup for the way his development fell flat in sophomore year.

i hope this fulfilled the ask in the way you were hoping! i told you i'd get carried away lmao. writing a bunch about any of zac's characters is always such a joy. gorgug had always been my favorite of the bad kids but i always found myself wishing he went deeper, y'know? and now it's real. my precious anxious boy has been handled so well. and watching zac's growth as a performer has been such a blast.

thanks for the ask! :D

#hope i dont talk in circles too many times #im not even gonna think about how long i spent lol #ya hit a certain point where youre like 'does that feel exactly right?' and then u go fuck it we aint perfect #ive done that a lot with just any writing thing in my life especially in school #but i feel like i followed through a lot better with this than i have with a loooong essay/analysis/post in awhile #so that feels good. certainly helps when its a thing you really love lol #dimension 20 #d20 #fantasy high junior year #fhjy spoilers #fhjy #fantasy high #fh #fantasy high sophomore year #fhsy #gorgug thistlespring #character analysis #asks #anon ask

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mysterycharacterbracket · 9 months

Text

Round L10, Poll #2

This is the losers bracket. The winner of this poll will advance to round L11, and the loser will be revealed and eliminated.

The matchup is:

Character 133: Hyper-intelligent theater kid grows up to be a supervillain, not because he wants to hurt anyone but for the drama and glamor of it all

Versus

Character 67: Is part horse. Can cause others excruciating pain with their own anger. Joins an illegal rebellion at age 13. 3 elves are all in love with her. One of them is her cousin. A grumpy short man tried to get her exiled from society because she has brown eyes.

#mystery character bracket #polls #round L10

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erik-even-wordier · 2 years

Text

I really don’t owe my Trump-supporting friends an apology. I’ve been critical of Trump these last several years, and am still exhausted from the experience.

But to be fair, Trump wasn’t that bad…………..other than when:

1. he incited an insurrection against the government,

2. mismanaged a pandemic that killed a million Americans,

3. separated children from their families, lost those children in the bureaucracy,

4. tear-gassed peaceful protesters on Lafayette Square so he could hold a photo op holding a Bible in front of a church,

5. tried to block all Muslims from entering the country,

6. got impeached,

7. got impeached again,

8. had the worst jobs record of any president in modern history,

9. pressured Ukraine to dig dirt on Joe Biden,

10. fired the FBI director for investigating his ties to Russia,

11. bragged about firing the FBI director on TV,

12. took Vladimir Putin’s word over the US intelligence community,

13. diverted military funding to build his wall,

14. caused the longest government shutdown in US history,

15. called Black Lives Matter a “symbol of hate,”

16. lied nearly 30,000 times,

17. banned transgender people from serving in the military,

18. ejected reporters from the White House briefing room who asked tough questions,

19. vetoed the defense funding bill because it renamed military bases named for Confederate soldiers,

20. refused to release his tax returns,

21. increased the national debt by nearly $8 trillion,

22. had three of the highest annual trade deficits in U.S. history,

23. called veterans and soldiers who died in combat losers and suckers,

24. coddled the leader of Saudi Arabia after he ordered the execution and dismembering of a US-based journalist,

25. refused to concede the 2020 election,

26. hired his unqualified daughter and son-in-law to work in the White House,

27. walked out of an interview with Lesley Stahl,

28. called neo-Nazis “very fine people,”

29. suggested that people should inject bleach into their bodies to fight COVID,

30. abandoned our allies the Kurds to Turkey,

31. pushed through massive tax cuts for the wealthiest but balked at helping working Americans,

32. incited anti-lockdown protestors in several states at the height of the pandemic,

33. withdrew the US from the Paris climate accords,

34. withdrew the US from the Iranian nuclear deal,

35. withdrew the US from the Trans Pacific Partnership which was designed to block China’s advances,

36. insulted his own Cabinet members on Twitter,

37. pushed the leader of Montenegro out of the way during a photo op,

38. failed to reiterate US commitment to defending NATO allies,

39. called Haiti and African nations “shithole” countries,

40. called the city of Baltimore the “worst in the nation,”

41. claimed that he single handedly brought back the phrase “Merry Christmas” even though it hadn’t gone anywhere,

42. forced his Cabinet members to praise him publicly like some cult leader,

43. believed he should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize,

44. berated and belittled his hand-picked Attorney General when he recused himself from the Russia probe,

45. suggested the US should buy Greenland,

46. colluded with Mitch McConnell to push through federal judges and two Supreme Court justices after supporting efforts to prevent his predecessor from appointing judges,

47. repeatedly called the media “enemies of the people,”

48. claimed that if we tested fewer people for COVID we’d have fewer cases,

49. violated the emoluments clause,

50. thought that Nambia was a country,

51. told Bob Woodward in private that the coronavirus was a big deal but then downplayed it in public,

52. called his exceedingly faithful vice president a “p---y” for following the Constitution,

53. nearly got us into a war with Iran after threatening them by tweet,

54. nominated a corrupt head of the EPA,

55. nominated a corrupt head of HHS,

56. nominated a corrupt head of the Interior Department,

57. nominated a corrupt head of the USDA,

58. praised dictators and authoritarians around the world while criticizing allies,

59. refused to allow the presidential transition to begin,

60. insulted war hero John McCain – even after his death,

61. spent an obscene amount of time playing golf after criticizing Barack Obama for playing (far less) golf while president,

62. falsely claimed that he won the 2016 popular vote,

63. called the Muslim mayor of London a “stone cold loser,”

64. falsely claimed that he turned down being Time’s Man of the Year,

65. considered firing special counsel Robert Mueller on several occasions,

66. mocked wearing face masks to guard against transmitting COVID,

67. locked Congress out of its constitutional duty to confirm Cabinet officials by hiring acting ones,

68. used a racist dog whistle by calling COVID the “China virus,”

69. hired and associated with numerous shady figures that were eventually convicted of federal offenses including his campaign manager and national security adviser,

70. pardoned several of his shady associates,

71. gave the Presidential Medal of Freedom to two congressmen who amplified his batshit crazy conspiracy theories,

72. got into telephone fight with the leader of Australia(!),

73. had a Secretary of State who called him a moron,

74. forced his press secretary to claim without merit that his was the largest inauguration crowd in history,

75. botched the COVID vaccine rollout,

76. tweeted so much dangerous propaganda that Twitter eventually banned him,

77. charged the Secret Service jacked-up rates at his properties,

78. constantly interrupted Joe Biden in their first presidential debate,

79. claimed that COVID would “magically” disappear,

80. called a U.S. Senator “Pocahontas,”

81. used his Twitter account to blast Nordstrom when it stopped selling Ivanka’s merchandise,

82. opened up millions of pristine federal lands to development and drilling,

83. got into a losing tariff war with China that forced US taxpayers to bail out farmers,

84. claimed that his losing tariff war was a win for the US,

85. ignored or didn’t even take part in daily intelligence briefings,

86. blew off honoring American war dead in France because it was raining,

87. redesigned Air Force One to look like the Trump Shuttle,

88. got played by Kim Jung Un and his “love letters,”

89. threatened to go after social media companies in clear violation of the Constitution,

90. botched the response to Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico,

91. threw paper towels at Puerto Ricans when he finally visited them,

92. pressured the governor and secretary of state of Georgia to “find” him votes,

93. thought that the Virgin islands had a President,

94. drew on a map with a Sharpie to justify his inaccurate tweet that Alabama was threatened by a hurricane,

95. allowed White House staff to use personal email accounts for official businesses after blasting Hillary Clinton for doing the same thing,

96. rolled back regulations that protected the public from mercury and asbestos,

97. pushed regulators to waste time studying snake-oil remedies for COVID,

98. rolled back regulations that stopped coal companies from dumping waste into rivers,

99. held blatant campaign rallies at the White House,

100. tried to take away millions of Americans’ health insurance because the law was named for a Black man,

101. refused to attend his successors’ inauguration,

102. nominated the worst Education Secretary in history,

103. threatened judges who didn’t do what he wanted,

104. attacked Dr. Anthony Fauci,

105. promised that Mexico would pay for the wall (it didn’t),

106. allowed political hacks to overrule government scientists on major reports on climate change and other issues,

107. struggled navigating a ramp after claiming his opponent was feeble,

108. called an African-American Congresswoman “low IQ,”

109. threatened to withhold federal aid from states and cities with Democratic leaders,

110. went ahead with rallies filled with maskless supporters in the middle of a pandemic,

111. claimed that legitimate investigations of his wrongdoing were “witch hunts,”

112. seemed to demonstrate a belief that there were airports during the American Revolution,

113. demanded “total loyalty” from the FBI director,

114. praised a conspiracy theory that Democrats are Satanic pedophiles,

115. completely gutted the Voice of America,

116. placed a political hack in charge of the Postal Service,

117. claimed without evidence that the Obama administration bugged Trump Tower,

118. suggested that the US should allow more people from places like Norway into the country,

119. suggested that COVID wasn’t that bad because he recovered with the help of top government doctors and treatments not available to the public,

120. overturned energy conservation standards that even industry supported,

121. reduced the number of refugees the US accepts,

122. insulted various members of Congress and the media with infantile nicknames,

123. gave Rush Limbaugh a Presidential medal of Freedom at the State of the Union address,

124. named as head of federal personnel a 29-year old who’d previously been fired from the White House for allegations of financial improprieties,

125. eliminated the White House office of pandemic response,

126. used soldiers as campaign props,

127. fired any advisor who made the mistake of disagreeing with him,

128. demanded the Pentagon throw him a Soviet-style military parade,

129. hired a shit ton of white nationalists,

130. politicized the civil service,

131. did absolutely nothing after Russia hacked the U.S. government,

132. falsely said the Boy Scouts called him to say his bizarre Jamboree speech was the best speech ever given to the Scouts,

133. claimed that Black people would overrun the suburbs if Biden won,

134. insulted reporters of color,

135. insulted women reporters,

136. insulted women reporters of color,

137. suggested he was fine with China’s oppression of the Uighurs,

138. attacked the Supreme Court when it ruled against him,

139. summoned Pennsylvania state legislative leaders to the White House to pressure them to overturn the election,

140. spent countless hours every day watching Fox News,

141. refused to allow his administration to comply with Congressional subpoenas,

142. hired Rudy Giuliani as his lawyer,

143. tried to punish Amazon because the Jeff Bezos-owned Washington Post wrote negative stories about him,

144. acted as if the Attorney General of the United States was his personal attorney,

145. attempted to get the federal government to defend him in a libel lawsuit from a prominent lady who accused him of sexual assault,

146. held private meetings with Vladimir Putin without staff present,

147. didn’t disclose his private meetings with Vladimir Putin so that the US had to find out via Russian media,

148. stopped holding press briefings for months at a time,

149. “ordered” US companies to leave China even though he has no such power,

150. led a political party that couldn’t even be bothered to draft a policy platform,

151. claimed preposterously that Article II of the Constitution gave him absolute powers,

152. tried to pressure the U.K. to hold the British Open at his golf course,

153. suggested that the government nuke hurricanes,

154. suggested that wind turbines cause cancer,

155. said that he had a special aptitude for science,

156. fired the head of election cyber security after he said that the 2020 election was secure,

157. blurted out classified information to Russian officials,

158. tried to force the G7 to hold their meeting at his failing golf resort in Florida,

159. fired the acting attorney general when she refused to go along with his unconstitutional Muslim travel ban,

160. hired notorious racist Stephen Miller,

161. openly discussed national security issues in the dining room at Mar-a-Lago where everyone could hear them,

162. interfered with plans to relocate the FBI because a new development there might compete with his hotel,

163. abandoned Iraqi refugees who’d helped the U.S. during the war,

164. tried to get Russia back into the G7,

165. held a COVID super spreader event in the Rose Garden,

166. seemed to believe that Frederick Douglass is still alive,

167. lost 60 election fraud cases in court including before judges he had nominated,

168. falsely claimed that factories were reopening when they weren’t,

169. shamelessly exploited terror attacks in Europe to justify his anti-immigrant policies,

170. still hasn’t come up with a healthcare plan,

171. still hasn’t come up with an infrastructure plan despite repeated “Infrastructure Weeks,”

172. forced Secret Service agents to drive him around Walter Reed while contagious with COVID,

173. told the Proud Boys to “stand back and stand by,”

174. fucked up the Census,

175. withdrew the U.S. from the World Health Organization in the middle of a pandemic,

176. did so few of his duties that his press staff were forced to state on his daily schedule “President Trump will work from early in the morning until late in the evening. He will make many calls and have many meetings,”

177. allowed his staff to repeatedly violate the Hatch Act,

178. seemed not to know that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican,

179. stood before sacred CIA wall of heroes and bragged about his election win,

180. constantly claimed he was treated worse than any president which presumably includes four that were assassinated and his predecessor whose legitimacy and birthplace were challenged by a racist reality TV show star named Donald Trump,

181. claimed Andrew Jackson could’ve stopped the Civil War even though he died 16 years before it happened,

182. said that any opinion poll showing him behind was fake,

183. claimed that other countries laughed at us before he became president when several world leaders were literally laughing at him,

184. claimed that the military was out of ammunition before he became President,

185. created a commission to whitewash American history,

186. retweeted anti-Islam videos from one of the most racist people in Britain,

187. claimed ludicrously that the Pulse nightclub shooting wouldn’t have happened if someone there had a gun even though there was an armed security guard there,

188. hired a senior staffer who cited the non-existent Bowling Green Massacre as a reason to ban Muslims,

189. had a press secretary who claimed that Nazi Germany never used chemical weapons even though every sane human being knows they used gas to kill millions of Jews and others,

190. bilked the Secret Service for higher than market rates when they had to stay at Trump properties,

191. apparently sold pardons on his way out of the White House,

192. stripped protective status from 59,000 Haitians,

193. falsely claimed Biden wanted to defund the police,

194. said that the head of the CDC didn’t know what he was talking about,

195. tried to rescind protection from DREAMers,

196. gave himself an A+ for his handling of the pandemic,

197. tried to start a boycott of Goodyear tires due to an Internet hoax,

198. said U.S. rates of COVID would be lower if you didn’t count blue states,

199. deported U.S. veterans who served their country but were undocumented,

200. claimed he did more for African Americans than any president since Lincoln,

201. touted a “super-duper” secret “hydrosonic” missile which may or may not be a new “hypersonic” missile or may not exist at all,

202. retweeted a gif calling Biden a pedophile,

203. forced through security clearances for his family,

204. suggested that police officers should rough up suspects,

205. suggested that Biden was on performance-enhancing drugs,

206. tried to stop transgender students from being able to use school bathrooms in line with their gender,

207. suggested the US not accept COVID patients from a cruise ship because it would make US numbers look higher,

208. nominated a climate change sceptic to chair the committee advising the White House on environmental policy,

209. retweeted a video doctored to look like Biden

210. had played a song called “Fuck tha Police” at a campaign event,

211. hugged a disturbingly large number of U.S. flags,

212. accused Democrats of “treason” for not applauding his State of the Union address,

213. claimed that the FBI failed to capture the Parkland school shooter because they were “spending too much time” on Russia,

214. mocked the testimony of Dr Christine Blasey Ford when she accused Brett Kavanaugh of sexual assault,

215. obsessed over low-flow toilets,

216. ordered the rerelease of more COVID vaccines when there weren’t any to release,

217. called for the construction of a bizarre garden of heroes with statutes of famous dead Americans as well as at least one Canadian (Alex Trebek),

218. hijacked Washington’s July 4th celebrations to give a partisan speech,

219. took advice from the MyPillow guy,

220. claimed that migrants seeking a better life in the US were dangerous caravans of drug dealers and rapists,

221. said nothing when Vladimir Putin poisoned a leading opposition figure,

222. never seemed to heed the advice of his wife’s “Be Best” campaign,

223. falsely claimed that mail-in voting is fraudulent,

224. announced a precipitous withdrawal of troops from Syria which not only handed Russia and ISIS a win but also prompted his defense secretary to resign in protest,

225. insulted the leader of Canada,

226. insulted the leader of France,

227. insulted the leader of Britain,

228. insulted the leader of Germany,

229. insulted the leader of Sweden (Sweden!!),

230. falsely claimed credit for getting NATO members to increase their share of dues,

231. blew off two Asia summits even though they were held virtually,

232. continued lying about spending lots of time at Ground Zero with 9/11 responders,

233. said that the Japanese would sit back and watch their “Sony televisions” if the US were ever attacked,

234. left a NATO summit early in a huff,

235. stared directly into an eclipse even though everyone over the age of 5 knows not to do that,

236. called himself a very stable genius despite significant evidence to the contrary,

237. refused to commit to a peaceful transfer of power and kept his promise.

238. Don’t forget that he took many classified & top secret documents with him when he left the White House, many of which have not been recovered & may have been compromised.

I’m sure there are a whole bunch of other things I can’t remember at the moment.

Plz copy and paste. Whoever wrote this deserves credit but I don't know who it is.

#donald trump #popular #long post

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