#cause falling in love with dean was a huge part of cas changing the narrative

[snevinsspn]

don’t get me wrong i am a finale hater at my core but there’s something poetic about how it’s thoroughly established throughout the show that cas was the “malfunction” in the system that caused the story not to go the way chuck wanted it to by developing free will and rebelling from heaven and then the moment he dies the story ends with dean dying and sam living an “regular life” the way it would’ve if the series never happened at all

like the series spends a lot of time saying cas is NOT the way he’s supposed to be. he rebelled the moment he saved dean from hell. he turns the narrative on its head by developing free will and making his own decisions. chuck even tells him that this is the only universe in which cas “didn’t do as he was told”. he ruins chucks plan for the brothers at every turn by caring about them.

then moment cas was gone the story went back to the way it would’ve ended if the show never happened and he had never affected anything. like the “error” was deleted and it reverted to the way it “should be”. dean died tragically and stupidly on a hunt way too young doing a job for his father. sam got out and lived an “apple pie life” and died old. they went to heaven with their family and it’s all The Way It Should Be, not matching up with the message of found family the show developed and instead returning to the blood family vibe of the early seasons pre cas. like he died and the story stopped resisting chucks wishes. idk i’m just yapping but it feels like something

[amwritingmeta]

15x04: Lucky Them

Wow. Davy Perez has this knack of bringing it, and this time was no exception. Icing on the cake was the delight at having Jensen directing again! 

We got a glimpse of Benny (happy not to have more) (however much I love his character, he’s fulfilled his purpose in the narrative in beautiful ways that I don’t really need extrapolated on) (anyway) and we got Becky back, with some real character progression to juxtapose Chuck’s alpha and omega of douchebaginess. 

The more of a douche connected to dark and horrible endings Chuck is, the more hopeful I become of the opposite heading our way. *fingers crossed* :)

The best line that Becky delivered was about how she’s carved out a good life for herself and she actually likes herself now. That’s character growth right there. She found what would truly make her happy and she built on it. Bless you, Becky, you’re one of the lucky ones! Sorry you got smoked. :/

But let’s move into the meat of the story (pardon the pun) and talk about Sam and Dean and how they are simply not dealing at the moment. Either of them. 

*e p i c*

Sam 

Oh Sam. Sam is having nightmares and they’re of the callback kind, because here we get a glimpse of how he’s still not processed his choice to drink that demon blood, how he still carries the self-blame and the guilt and the fear of losing his tightly held control of himself around with him, even to this day. Because, as he will state in that gorgeous (and seriously tear-jerking) end-of-the-ep exchange with Dean: he can’t let it go.

But letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. Letting go means understanding that you can’t change the past, that you can’t live in a blame bubble and that carrying that guilt for choices that you wouldn’t repeat now, if put in the same situation, is toxic for the mind because it hollows out your sense of self. 

Moving on means gaining perspective enough to forgive yourself your past mistakes, trust yourself not to repeat them and gain actual control of yourself through understanding where your boundaries need to be drawn and drawing them for yourself. 

It sounds easy (it’s not), but if Sam can just see how strong he truly is in himself, how strong he always has been - he held Lucifer and went into the cage with him and was tortured by the Devil himself and he’s still standing - then he can begin to trust himself not to ever let the past repeat itself.

I loved that the images of Sam with black eyes was a nightmare. Does this mean it’s not foreshadowing? I don’t know! Maybe Sam needs to face his demons through a visual manifestation, but I think an internal gradual moving away from this fear of losing control could be just as effective. We shall see!

Sam daring to take the leader position is one of the ways him dealing with this fear can be, and has already been, explored, because he’s been happy for Dean to take the lead for so long because of his fear of losing control of himself, of hurting people, of hurting the ones he loves and, of course, hurting Dean, that he’s been okay with second chair, but Sam is the born leader and that second chair has never really fit him all that well. 

He just has to accept that happiness, while in the life, is always going to be shadowed by the fact that people will die, that they can’t save everyone, that monsters will continue to roam the Earth, but that they’re doing what they can to make the world just a little bit better each day, and that’s all that we can ever hope to do. Like Cas once said to Dean: “You can’t save everyone, my friend. Though you try.”

Dean

Dean eats his emotions. This is what is known as an unhealthy coping mechanism, meaning that instead of actually acknowledging and dealing with whatever emotion he’s feeling that’s causing him distress, he pushes that emotion down and because of him suppressing it, the emotion finds an unhealthy behavioural outlet.

This is also a form of self-punishment. 

Guilt, shame and regret are all powerful emotions that cause a person to have an unconscious need to self-punish. And what emotions are Dean feeling at this very moment, ever since he pushed so hard at the love of his life that the love of his life finally decided to put his foot down and leave?

Yeah. I’d venture there’s a fair amount of all of those emotions battling it out inside Dean. What I love most about it, though, is that yes, he’s eating the entire episode, but he only takes a sip out of that flask. Meaning? That this is unhealthy coping, but at least it is just that: coping. 

He’s not being self-destructive in a putting himself in harms way, let the chips fall where they may sort of self-destructive. He’s not taking care of himself, obviously, because he doesn’t feel he deserves it, because of the aforementioned guilt, shame and regret, but he’s also not taking unnecessary risks. His sense of hopelessness, of his chance for happiness being gone, is subtle and is only highlighted in that end-of-the-ep exchange with Sam.

Oh, it’s enough to send shivers down your spine. And jerk them tears, too. *iCry*

Through that exchange we also get a Dean who is determined to keep going, to find a reason to keep going, which, to me, means there’s still slight hope that Cas will find his way back to him again. That this isn’t the end at all. Dean just doesn’t know exactly what he can do to ensure it isn’t. 

I would think it would be absolutely beautiful if what Dean needs to do is drop the fast food and eat some fruit, you know? If he actually starts to do little things of self-care that show he’s actually beginning to open up to forgiving himself his past mistakes and loving himself as he is. The moment Dean can believe he deserves Cas’ love is when he’ll be able to actually see Cas and see that he might mean as much to Cas as Cas does to him. And once that door begins to open… 

Yah. Fireworks. 

Anyway, that’s just what I’d love to see happen. 

Cas’ self-worth has clearly sky-rocketed, demonstrated to us when he decided to leave that Bunker and Dean’s emotional abuse behind, effectively telling Dean that he deserves better treatment than that. Like hell yes. 

This action was so necessary, not only for Cas’ sense of self-worth, but to bring Dean into a position where he honestly has no choice but open himself up to some much needed self-reflection.

Dean needs to reflect on his own behaviour, and he should feel guilt and shame and regret, but without getting defensive about it, without pushing it down and pretending he’s fine with it. He has to actually face the consequences of his actions and step up and take responsibility for how his usual behaviour of taking his emotions (his anger) out on those closest to him is harmful, and he needs to become self-aware enough to not engage in it anymore.

Time to grow up, Dean Winchester, you beautiful man!

Let’s take a look at the end-of-the-ep exchange, shall we? 

End-of-the-Ep Exchange

So we get the brothers, in the Impala, having one of those heart-to-hearts that Baby seems made for half the time. In this place of safety there’s room for honesty, always. And they usually find their way to it around her. 

*still worried something will happen to Baby by the end of the season as a visual manifestation of them letting go of needing her to have this type of communication as well as moving on from the past and into the future but omg I hope nothing does and still I kinda hope something does gah*

Anyway.

I’m skipping into the meaty part of this exchange (okay stop with that pun already it’s already old) Fine. 

Dean talks about how he felt like cashing out in the crypt after Chuck went all Apocalypse World 55.1 on their asses, but Sam brought him out of that line of thinking by reminding him that what they do matter. And Dean is all about picking Sam up, has been trying to for the whole episode, wanting to do the same for Sam that Sam did for him, of course, and remind him that what they do matter, because they save lives.

And a little more than that. 

They keep the blinds down for the rest of the world, right? They allow for people to live their white-picket-fence lives and never worry about what goes bump in the night, which is what Sam has been so fed up with for the entire episode: the hopelessness of their situation; because there will always be more monsters, no matter what they do, and people will die, no matter how many they save.

To the exchange, then –>

Dean: ‘Cause it is, you know, It’s a crap job. We do the ugly thing so that people can live happy. Sam: Yeah. Lucky them. Dean: Yeah, lucky them.

So Sam’s reaction here can be read whichever way you like it, really, but looking at the subtext of the exchange - which, for Dean, is un-subtly all to do with Cas - Sam’s reaction tied to Dean agreeing that the people who get to live happy are lucky can very well be seen as Sam reacting to Dean letting his guard down and  admitting that, yes, happy sounds good, happy sounds nice, and he wouldn’t mind a bit of happy for himself.

What’s more mind-blowing about this admittance, to me, has to do with the Cas-subtext of the exchange, though, because that’s for us, the viewers, who understand that when Dean talks about moving on, that’s a signal for us - who witnessed that very private moment between Dean and Cas in the previous episode - to get where Dean’s head is at. 

So when Dean very subtly agrees with Sam about how living a long and happy life (and I’m paraphrasing Mildred because relevant) would be good, we can detect that there’s a deeper reason for why it’s not only monsters and death keeping Dean from living it. 

And, what’s more, the fact that he puts into words that he wants to live a long and happy life is a huge, huge marker, at least to this meta writer, of how far he’s come in his progression, because he wants it and he’s not about to lie to himself that he doesn’t, but, by that same token, he still does not believe he deserves it and he can’t see himself ever having happiness, which is part of why he’s been self-punishing himself the entire episode, because it’s this incapability of accepting happiness when it’s right there that made him push Cas away and it’s a vicious, vicious cycle of lack of self-love and self-worth.

(jaysusssss very beautifully done)

And look at Dean’s FAAAACE ^^^

And Sam is still reacting to all this because what? – did Dean just admit that he doesn’t want the Blaze of Glory ending for himself? (and yeah with Cas having left I’m pretty sure Sam is hyper aware of the possibility that Dean is actually, in his own way, admitting that a future without Cas looks pretty bleak to him) 

Back to the exchange where Dean says all these amazing, amazing things –>

Dean: But it doesn’t change a thing. You know what I mean? We still do the job, but we don’t do it for us. We do it for Jack, for mom, for Rowena. We owe it to anyone who’s ever given a damn about us to put one foot in front of the other. No matter what. 

And let me pause for a moment there and just have us all look at what exactly he is saying here, because, oh boy, is it telling of how he just has not reached a healthy place in any shape or form. Now, in a way, this is healthier than digging himself a hole and lying in it, yeah? Absolutely. 

It’s that “fake it” mentality of S7 all over again and I’d rather he be here, with a glimmer of hope (I always thought you’d come back type of hope with that trench coat in the trunk of every car they drove that season), and finding a reason to keep going, than be in that dark place he was in during his grief!arc at the start of S13, when he couldn’t believe in a damn thing and he didn’t care, at all, what happened to him, BUT there is still that echo here, which is why it’s such an unhealthy frame of mind for him to cling to.

They don’t have a purpose in life for themselves, they find it through others.

No. 

It brings us right back to what he said to Sam at the end of 13x20: I don’t really care what happens to me, I never have. 

And what he told Death in 14x05: I don’t matter. 

This attitude is the reason why he can’t move out of this perpetual state of not believing he deserves more. That he deserves everything. 

And this is what’s keeping him from daring to want more for himself, daring to feel how much more he does want for himself, because every time he’s dared to want more, it’s come crashing down around him. His fear of happiness runs extremely deep. 

It’s time to face it and let go of it and embrace the fact of how his life and how he chooses to live it benefiting others is a great gift, but him giving that gift also means he has every right to balance the giving out with a bit of receiving.

*please and thank you*

Of course, all of this is underlined in what he says next –>

Dean: And hey, man, like you said, now that Chuck’s gone, we’re finally on our own. We are finally free to move on, you know?

And the way this is phrased, so brilliantly, of course makes it impossible not to see it as a subtle reveal of what Dean is thinking about Cas leaving: without Chuck pulling Cas’ strings, Cas was finally free to make the choice to leave.

But this is also tied to what Dean needs to stop getting hung up on, because he’s purposefully blocking out what Cas said, which is that for all his string-pulling, Chuck still had to pivot with their choices. He didn’t control those. He manipulated them, sure, but he didn’t force them into making them. And each choice they’ve made has added to their understanding of themselves and of the world and their place in it. They are real. 

Cas didn’t choose to leave because now he’s free of Chuck’s influence - he chose to leave because Dean was breaking his heart, because Dean refused to hear him, because Dean was shutting him out and pushing him away, because Dean’s inability to stop using the blame game as an excuse not to connect or open up wasn’t gonna fly anymore. 

And this is what Dean needs to face, so Dean talking about finally being “on our own” and free is the last vestige of his performance remaining, the final lie he has to tell himself until he can face his fears and take responsibility for his actions, because the alternative is to live without Cas, aka without happiness.

I mean, the absolute defeat on Dean’s face in the screen grab above reminds me of his face watching Cas’ body burn at the end of 13x01. And then that expression switches into this –>

–> grim determination.

The top one is all: I’ve lost him, I’ve lost him. 

The bottom one is all: It’s for the best anyway, what did you think was gonna happen, he’s better off without you, let him go live his life. 

(headcanon but yeah like fuuuuck feelings)

And, of course, Sam is there to voice exactly how Dean is really feeling. 

Sam: I don’t know if I can move on. You know, I can’t forget any of them. Dean, I still think about Jessica. I can’t just let that go. Dean: No, no, man, that’s not what I’m talking about.

(because Dean is talking about the healthy way to let go, which is to not let the past rule your present, to be aware and appreciate and remember, but not cling onto old ideals and ideas, or past mistakes that you can’t change, no matter how much you wish you could)

Sam: I know, I know, I know, I’m sorry, I know, but what I’m talking about is that I don’t feel free. What we’ve done, what we’ve lost, right now that is what I’m feeling and sometimes it’s… Sometimes it’s like I can’t even breathe.

And all I could think when Sam said that was Dean talking about feeling as though he was drowning while being possessed by Michael. The suffocating feeling of the weight of all those old ideals and ideas and having no other choice but to succumb, because he wasn’t strong enough to fight them at the time. 

Sam is dealing with his own set of old ideals and ideas now, because while we see Dean actively suppress his thoughts and feelings and finding unhealthy, though at least stabile, outlets through coping mechanisms like overeating and drinking and working this episode, Sam is not about to suppress anything.

He feels his irritation, his impatience, his hopelessness and it comes out in how he interacts with others, with his surroundings, with Dean, with the case. Sam doesn’t have outlets. He bottles everything up. He thinks he’s fine and he’s handling it, but he’s not. And he hasn’t been fine for a very long time. That hopelessness always niggling. That question of what is the point if there’s no end to the suffering? 

I honestly believe he needs to accept that not everyone can be saved. I’m hopeful that he will, but I’ll admit I’m a little worried about what’s in store for our Sam. I hope he’ll have to get dragged through the darkest place before he can come out victorious on the other side, the same way Cas and Dean have been over the past four seasons.

Sam: …Maybe tomorrow. You know, maybe I’ll feel better in the morning. Dean: And what if you don’t? Sam: I don’t know.

It’s interesting looking at how this conversation is structured: Dean reminding Sam that Sam saved him from himself and succeeded, and Dean, this episode, trying to save Sam from himself without success.

The thing is, I can see Sam needing to save himself, needing to get to a place where he’s ready to fully let go of Dean, because he realises that Dean doesn’t need him the way he used to, and them holding onto each other and their old ideals and ideas of how to relate themselves to each other is no good, for either of them, and, once this shift in Sam happens, for him to, without hesitation, step into a leader position and accept that this is his place and where he belongs and there is great purpose to be found there, and through that purpose, there’s great happiness to be had too. Aw Sam! *hopes and wishes*

I really loved this episode so much. I’m still not over this scene, haven’t quite digested how Jensen delivered that slight speech and all the very subtle truths baked into this exchange that were so extremely revealing of what’s really going on inside of him, as well as Sam stating what’s going on inside of him, following that harrowing dream sequence that opened the ep.

Gorgeous stuff. Gorgeous, gorgeous stuff. 

[awed-frog]

You said in your s13 meta that the narrative suffers from keeping Destiel in the subtext. Can you elaborate a bit on that? For example, would you have them enter a romantic relationship now (or in earlier seasons) or would you be okay with it only happening towards the end of the show as long as it gets shoved more into 'text' level along the way - however that would look? How would you personally go about it in a way that fits into the narrative of the show?

Well - I think there are a bunch of reasons why keeping Destiel in the subtext is hurting the show (narratively). Off the top of my head -

1) This kind of subtext - ie, scattered clues that can be as obscure as beer labels or paintings on the walls - is usually reserved for Big, Shocking Revelations - for instance, the identity of the murderer in a thriller. I can’t think of one single example in which the subtextual clues led to a ‘Guess what - she actually luuuuurves him!’, and there’s good reason for that - a romantic attraction is not interesting enough to leave the audience to guess it and half perceive it out of the corner of their eyes. A hidden subtext should be the kind of thing where you gasp and stare when it’s revealed and then you go back and rewatch the whole thing in disbelief (also annoyance, because part of you is not surprised by this at all, but you never listened to that part ‘cause your a gullible fool). For younger readers, the revelations about Snape in HP fit this model well; for older viewers, a good example is the ending of The Others or Fight Club. Romantically speaking, the only close equivalent to what Supernatural is doing goes something along the lines of sexual awakening - a beautiful example is Tracy Chevalier’s Girl with a Pearl Earring, in which it’s very clear for an adult reader that Griet is attracted to Vermeer from the very first moment she sees him, and yet the UST builds and builds because Griet herself is too young and inexperienced to see it - and when she finally realizes it, holy shit. Even in that case, though, the romance wasn’t exactly subtextual - every single adult around Griet wondered at it - her mother warned her to stay away from Vermeer, Vermeer’s wife was openly jealous from the second Griet started working for their household, the other servants were also suspicious of why Griet was spending so much time alone with Vermeer and so on and so forth. The tension came from the fact Griet herself didn’t understand what was going on - not from the thing being completely subtextual. So, to me, the fact Supernatural thinks a (gay) love story needs to be put in the subtext - it’s more than offensive - it’s just not effective.

2) Destiel is destroying Sam’s characterization, because they increasingly use him to contrast Dean’s feelings, which means Sam is mostly forced not to care about Cas at all. And so, while the two of them had some stolen moments where they were allowed to be themselves (ie, people who like each other and feel a deep affection for each other), Sam is often shown to be cold and unconcerned whenever Cas is mentioned. When Dean was fretting about Cas being possessed by Lucifer, for instance, Sam always acted like he couldn’t care less - which was annoying, not only on Cas’ behalf, but also because Sam knows what Lucifer is like, and he would never be so indifferent about Lucifer possessing anyone. Or when Cas was suffering from PTSD and would spend his days watching dog videos, again we had Dean (rightly, rationally) worried about him, while Sam brushed it off completely. Also the ‘it-gate’, remember that? And now, now Cas is actually dead, and this is still going on - Dean is very nearly broken, and Sam - Sam is fine with it. Doesn’t give a damn. And the thing is, if Dean’s love was out in the open, then they could let Sam care about Cas, because it would be textual that there’s still a difference there (Dean = lover, Sam = friend); but since that is not textual, this is what we’re left with - a join the dots game where they want us to wonder why Dean cares so much when Sam, the rational one, doesn’t care at all.

Moreover, the fact there are these huge subtextual secrets about Dean (that he’s bi, that he loves Cas) only makes him more interesting to write, while leaving nothing for Sam to do. It could even be argued that this is the true reversal of the Supernatual narrative - the first five seasons were about Sam and how he felt like a freak because of his Big Secret (which was textual: his psychic powers, and, later, his addiction to demon blood), while the next five seasons were about Dean and his Big Secret (and that only half worked, because everything is still subtextual, which means Dean’s narrative has not resolved in any neat, elegant way - nothing comparable to Swan Song - which also means the story is still about Dean, that it will be about Dean until the narrative knot is gone, and they seem adamant never to go there, so where does this leave us?).

3) Ironically enough, Destiel is also hurting Dean and Cas as characters. Cas, in particular, had an arc that was all about destroying his identity in earlier seasons (the break with Heaven and so on), and lately that’s shifted to building himself a new identity - his increasingly human feelings have been a big part of that, and to be fair, they did allow him to explore them - a journey that probably started with his rejection of Hannah and culminated in that infamous I love you - but this could have been done much better, and in a more coherent way, if Cas had been allowed to find Dean attractive as a potential romantic partner. And in a way, the same goes for Dean - we teetered on the edge of why things are different with Cas so many times, and they came closest, perhaps, in S8, but as long as they refuse to take that final step, it’s not clear, exactly, why Dean should care so much about Cas - about someone who’s far from perfect, and has betrayed them or let them down or hurt them many times in the past. And something else that only made sense if you squinted, of course, was Dean’s peculiar, sometimes volatile relationship with Crowley, and how his attitude to Crowley differed from Sam’s. I’ve seen people confused about that, but if you fill in the subtextual blanks - ie, Crowley loved Dean (as much as demons can love, that is), and they were actually together when Dean was a demon, and then had an awkward break-up when Crowley realized Dean could not love anyone as a demon, and would never love Crowley as a human - well - that’s suddenly a coherent narrative, isn’t it?

4) And finally, Supernatural is often built on parallels and mirrors, and the problem is, you need an equilibrium for that. If half your metaphor is out in the open, and the other half is subtextual, it just doesn’t work. That was one of the big problems with both S10 and S11 - remember the whole Colette story, which went nowhere? And how Amara represented the wrong way to love, contrasted with the right way, which was…what? And, sure, for some viewers that may work just fine, and others may even enjoy to be left guessing, but me - I like my symmetry, and I like honesty, and I found it profoundly frustrating that both those stories were left unfinished.

As to what I would do differently - I don’t particularly like fluff, and I don’t think either Cas or Dean are ready for a relationship right now, so I guess - what I would change is that I would make this thing between them textual but not to each other? There are many ways to do that - romantic movies basically live off them - character A talks to her friends or parents, has a revealing dream, thinks out loud, writes in a journal, does something incredibly stupid which makes it clear they’re madly in love - we’re spoiled for choice. The how and what, of course, depends on the world around your characters, and the specific challenges they face, which is why my way of bringing Dean and Cas together varies with the story I’m telling. In one fic, it’s Dean who comes forward and downright invites Cas to stay the night; in another, it’s Cas who demands that Dean comes clean about his feelings; in yet another one, Dean acknowledges those feelings, but says he can’t act on them because of Imminent Death and whatever else; and in the one I’m writing right now, my AU!S13, well - you’ll have to wait and see. For the show itself, I like a suggestion that’s been surfing through tumblr for a while - an episode featuring some ex of Dean’s (a man) so that Sam will be forced to put the pieces together, and next, some kind of conversation about Cas, and how Dean doesn’t feel worthy or ready or something. Sam shouldn’t play matchmaker (I know we like that in fanfiction, but I doubt that canon!Sam has either the skill or the inclination to do that), but knowing this very private thing about his brother - well - that can only be healthy, for both of them. And when it finally comes out (with Cas), I think it should be in anger, because that’s who Dean is - someone who blurts out things he never meant to say when he’s terrified and furious and worried out of his mind - and next, I’d have them separated, of course, because UST is a good thing and yay and keep it up. 

(Oh, and as for what I would be okay with - every single romantic relationship on Supernatural has been about falling into bed together, and Dean is a deeply sexual person, and we know Cas is not against that - at all, so no - I wouldn’t be happy with a five minute handshake at the very end, but I also wouldn’t be happy with the show changing everything it is jut to fit a romance in - and, most of all, I wouldn’t be happy with an ambiguous, ‘you’re the viewer, you decide’ Sherlock ending - nope. What I want is enough time for both characters to come to terms with how they’re feeling, followed by a clear, textual scene of them getting together, followed by their relationship being never brought up again as a central element of the show. Everything stays exactly the same, except sometimes Dean and Cas get a room just for the two of them, and Dean fixes Cas’ tie (which he does anyway), and Sam teases him about something or other because he’s a little shit, and Cas stares at Dean - a lot (which he does anyway), and maybe more hugs? and that’s it. They hunt, they do stuff, they face tragic choices - Supernatural shouldn’t be about a love story - it just shouldn’t hide it, because there’s nothing wrong with your main character being queer and it’s 2017 so maybe deal with it, show?)

[orionsangel86]

13x01 - Episode Review - Part 2

"Nougat Winchester” and narrative mirrors in 13x01

It has taken me forever to finish this part of my review to the extent that we have already had another episode before I finished it! But rather than curse my inability to focus I’m gonna press on and complete this before I start my 13x02 review.

Ah Jack, Jack our little nougat Jack. The way the fandom has embraced you is very touching. The internet screams of “PROTECT HIM” certainly show that Alexander Calvert has done an exceptional job of “pulling a Misha” and making us fall in love with him by the end of his first scene. I was not expecting that one bit. 

I’ll be honest and say that over the hiatus I haven’t paid too much attention to him. I did read some of the meta and speculation that @tinkdw and others put out there, but it was never really something I focused my thoughts on. I figured he would be another character that would test the team free will dynamic and would be a good avenue for the writers to comment on the concepts of nature vs nurture. I remember reading some speculation once the episode titles first came out about “The Scorpion and the Frog” and anyone who knows that story knows very well that the title itself foreshadows Jack going darkside – to his own potential destruction. (The scorpion, in carrying out its own “nature” and stinging the frog that carried it – not only doomed the frog, but doomed itself as well.)

Jack has officially won me over though. He was a charming innocent and funny character, and I think his interactions with Clark brought a lot of light to an otherwise terribly angsty and painfully heart breaking episode. (#bringbackClark2k17)

But what really blew me away was how both Jack AND Clark were such OBVIOUS mirrors for Dean and Cas and to a lesser extent to Sam. It amused me to no end. Therefore this review will focus on those mirrors, and what they mean. 

Long post under the cut

Jack is a narrative mirror of Team Free Will

This is the important thing to remember. He is all of them, and will have aspects of all them characterised into his personality as we continue to get to know the character in the coming episodes. 

I am sure that there are already thousands of words of meta on this topic (since I’m over a week late to the game) but I’m gonna throw my hat in the ring anyway.

The most obvious mirror we get from Jack is for Castiel. I have said already that Castiel was all over every single scene of 13x01. That Dabb didn’t want the audience forgetting him for a second. (thank you Dabb you wonderful man). I have already seen the many gifsets floating around comparing all of Jack’s “Cas” moments to the original famous Cas moments in the show - and we know that this carries over into episode 2 as well. 

Firstly, we can see immediately in the way Jack is dressed that he is coded as a Cas mirror:

Look at the tan jacket, the pale blue shirt, visually he is already a mini Cas. Remember they could have dressed him in ANYTHING. They chose a tan Jacket and pale blues. They chose these colours because this show has a visual library and certain things always mean certain things. Put someone in a tan coat or jacket and they are a Cas mirror. This is how these things work. 

(the bulls horns hand symbol does however have Lucifer connotations which ties him to his biological father whether he likes it or not - but more on that when I go on about signs and symbols).

Probably the most “Cas” like moment in this episode was this one:

(x)

Poor baby is just as literal as his dad:

(x)

But there are many more. The constant confused expression for starts:

(I’m still waiting for the moment he actually does the head tilt as we all know it’s coming)

The scene with the candy was delightful - and gave him the fandom pet name of “Nougat Winchester” which I have stolen from Lizzy as my new tag for him because its so fitting.

(and we like you sweetheart)

(on that note - I did find it interesting that Jack isn’t able to answer the Sheriff when she asks him for a last name. Surely he knows his mother’s name was Kline? Why didn’t he give her that? We were all calling him “Jack Kline” over hiatus, but now it doesn’t seem like its the case - personally I think this is because he will indeed get “adopted” as a Winchester and will use the surname at some point in future - probably in front of Lucifer causing a hell of a lot of anger. God knows the show has pointed out enough times over the past season that Castiel is a Winchester - leading to mainstream media giving him the last name:

Why yes I did add my destiel adjacent quiz results to meta about Jack. I have no regrets. :P

Anyway, as I was saying Jack is a huge Cas mirror, and his adorably gluttonous love of candy was a call back to:

Perhaps we can once again talk about angels and addiction and how this may affect Jack? Because they really don’t have the self control that human’s do (even though Cas was affected by famine at this particular moment).

So why is Jack a mirror for Cas? Well this is probably the first clue:

I screamed the first time I watched this moment. I think we all expected it to remain subtextual. We all know that this season will explore the role of fatherhood and how it affects each character, but this was so much more than we were expecting. Jack is a Cas mirror because he has majorly imprinted on Cas from the womb. He is first and foremost a Cas mirror because Cas is on his mind from the moment of his birth, and this reveal confirms it. Every question of “Father?” that he says so ominously in the first part of the episode is directed at Castiel. It is Castiel he was looking for, not Lucifer. 

I did say that Castiel was in every second of this episode, forcing the audience to continuously remember him and his importance - and this moment made me jump for joy. 

The way the episode continuously plays with the audiences expectations is really interesting. They want us to assume the worst of Jack, but each time he surprises us by delighting us with some adorable Cas like thing. Jack says “I’m hungry” and we are supposed to feel uneasy about that because just 2 seasons ago we had another very hungry powerful child who fulfilled her hunger by eating human souls. We are supposed to worry about Clark in that moment, and to follow the Sheriff down the darkened halls and flickering lights terrified of what Jack has done - but he is sitting there cross legged on the floor with Clarke surrounded by candy wrappers and proclaiming how much he likes nougat. Its a lovely moment and it forces the audience to change their minds completely. 

When Jack reveals that he thinks Cas is his father, our reaction is much the same as Sam’s, but we fall for him just like Sam does, and it sets the season up nicely because for once the audience is NOT supposed to be on Dean’s side here. (I’ll talk about this more in my review of episode 2 where it is more relevant but basically, we are supposed to feel sorry for Dean because we know that he isn’t seeing things clearly. We are supposed to root for Jack and be on Sam’s side in all this, and to see Dean as a character shrouded in a deep grief and anger)

I love that they made it textual that Cas is the father. (major flashbacks to 11x06 right now though)

“Jenny, he is not ready to be a father!”

I’ll continue jumping for joy over this as the season goes forward, but for now I want to talk about how Jack is also a mirror for Dean. Because he is and it again, wasn’t subtle. 

(x)

A young boy on a quest to find his father, to have to accept the death of his mother right at the start, and who is forced to grow up far quicker than he should? Yeah that sounds about right. 

Whilst Dean and Jack seem at odds with each other from the start, they are both set up as mirrors in their joint grief for Castiel. That heart wrenching moment at the end of the episode where Dean is wrapping Castiel’s body for the pyre comes only moments after we get to see Jack’s own grief for his mother so touchingly portrayed as a grip to her covered foot. Both Dean and Jack are only shown touching the feet of those they lost, there is probably some deep symbolic meaning to that linked to Christ and washing the feet of his disciples or something but I’ll leave that meta to someone far more versed in bible lore than me. 

We know that in episode 2 the Dean parallels get much stronger, with Dean being the second Winchester (after Cas) that he imprints upon. I’ll talk about this in my episode 2 review, and instead leave this here. Jack is Dean for his grief, and his ties to humanity, and how he has been robbed of his childhood. I am interested to see how they go about keeping Jack innocent. He is in the body of a man, but his mind is still so childlike. I hope that he becomes a symbol for Dean’s own innocence in a theme started in 12x11. 

Finally, the one touched on the least in episode 1 but probably the most significant to Jack’s own arc going forward - Jack as a mirror for Sam.

What so far is probably the least obvious in terms of mirror’s is actually the most obvious in terms of story lines. There is a reason Sam so desperately wants to believe in Jack, believe that he is good and can do good things. Because Sam has been in this situation himself. 

Sam’s entire early series arc was about fighting the darkness inside himself, fighting against his own dark powers that came from a place of evil, and resisting Lucifer’s pull. Sam’s been there. So of course Sam is rooting for the kid. Sam and Jack have the biggest connection in terms of their connection to Lucifer. Sam immediately tries to see things through Jack’s point of view. Yes, he’s not as tied down with grief and anger as Dean is - Sam hasn’t just lost the love of his life (though the deancas parallels to SamJess are very strong throughout 12x23 and 13x01 as well).

Sam still has hope, because he see’s himself in Jack. He knows he managed to resist that dark power, and he has faith that Jack can to. I expect the Sam/Jack mirrors to come through far more strongly in episode 3 when we see them interacting together without Dean there to cause conflict, so it will be interesting if we get to delve more into Sam’s past and trauma this season, as it’s about time the show focused on his issues around Lucifer.

Clark as the exposition for Cas’s return... among other things

I could talk for hours about Jack and everything he stands for, but right now I just need to add this about Clark, because boy did he pull focus. In an episode so heavy with grief and full of reminders of Castiel as well as establishing Jack into the audiences mind, Clark comes out of no where and almost steals the show (almost). 

When we are introduced to Clark only 5 minutes into the episode, he is mucking around with the menu changing every item into something ‘butt’ related. I could meta on this but tbh its so very on the nose that I don’t think it’s needed. You all know exactly what Burgers and Butts are making us think of. Its juvenile but its hilarious (my personal favourite is the salty butt combo - a bit of salt is a good thing especially in destiel fandom!).

So skipping past those obvious jokes, what interests me most about Clark is this:

“He’s fired me like seven times... and I keep coming back.”

Look at this face! Dark hair, Blue eyes, extremely charming? Hello Cas mirror!

also:

4x22 - Killed by Raphael

5x22 - Killed by Lucifer

7x01 - Killed by returning the souls (Dean thought he was dead before he healed himself)

7x02 - Killed by Leviathan

8x02 - Left for dead in Purgatory

9x03 - Killed by April

12x23 - Killed by Lucifer

At this point in the show, Dean has watched Cas “die” seven times. I don’t think the above was an accident. 

The fact that Clark then says “Around here, I’m untouchable” is kind of hilarious. Since Clark later gets stabbed with an angel blade - AND SURVIVES.

However for the rest of the episode, Clark is so much more of a Dean mirror, to Jack’s Cas mirror. Clark shows Jack his humanity. He makes Jack happy enough for his powers to make the lights flicker (honestly if this doesn’t make the whole grace orgasm blowing out the lights head canon real I don’t know what does). He feeds him candy, jokes around with him, and is generally such a playful and charming character that we can’t quite help but associate him with Dean.

I love how Clark’s mum the Sheriff tells the police officer that “There’s no such thing as weird, everyone is normal in their own way” because isn’t that just a massive shout out to anyone who is slightly ‘different’? All of us who identify with this show about the ‘weird’ things because we are a little bit weird ourselves? Whose to say what is normal and whats not? 

What I love about this line is that it backs up my claim that the show is trying to prepare the audience in a way for things they may not expect... especially the part of the audience that watches for macho men, guns and death - the Republicans, the dudebros, the right wingers, the assholes who think that to fit in in this world you have to fit into some idealistic little box. Well, believe me this show has a few surprises in line for those people. I can’t wait for it to all come to a head.

Team Free Will 

Ultimately, what 13x01 has shown us is that Jack is a combination of ALL of team free will. He is his own person of course, but he shares elements and traits with all of them. I think it’s so fitting that so soon after Dean’s memorable speech to Cas in 12x19:

“You, Me, and Sam, We’re just better together. So now that you’re back, lets go Team Free Will”

In which Dean brought this term back for the first time in canon since it was used in 5x13, do we now have a character who is the embodiment of all three of them. For me, it seems that this was intentional and that Dean’s words really were the truth - that once Cas comes back, all three of them will be able to save Jack from himself, along with any other nastiness that comes their way. It is my absolute belief that the moral of season 13 will be that Dean, Sam and Cas need each other, and need to work together in order to defeat whatever evil comes their way. Jack is proof of that. How he mirrors all three of them, and is at this point in time, internally divided:

He has Cas’s innocence, naivety and endearing curious nature, as well as his angelic power.

He has Dean’s humanity, his desire to be good, and a need to reach out to people and bond with them.

He has Sam’s inner darkness, linked to his emotions and leading him to question his own monstrous nature. His struggle between his own inner good and evil. 

When these three sides of him conflict, it will cause problems. Just like how conflict between Dean, Sam and Cas is usually the primary cause of disaster in the supernatural universe. Jack’s fate, and his ability to control himself and his opposing sides, is intrinsically tied to Team Free Will themselves coming together and actually working as a team once again. 

And I bloody well can’t wait to watch this story play out. 

[elizabethrobertajones]

Why do you think that when seemingly funny thing happen, they happen to Dean? Like the fear thing in Yellow Fever or the age thing in 5.07 and 10.12 (both old and young!) or the memory thing in Regarding Dean. I'm sure I'm missing a lot of others (and also the not so funny like the vampire thing in 6.05 and of course Demon!Dean in S10). But I can't really picture Sam on those situation tho, Dean is perfect xD

And this is why Plucky’s is my favourite episode, because the thing happened to Sam and it was also perfect but in a completely different way :P 

If you’ve seen the gifset ever of that con where they were talking somewhat seriously about this, before someone said Sam was the straight man to Dean and then Jared imploded… I mean, I need someone to turn that up for me so I can stick it in the “thanks Jared” section of my massive bi dean meta etc resource… But also they WERE making a serious point before they derailed it :P 

The show has a lot of quietly set in stone dynamics. I mean, well, they’re stuff that can get subverted or a particular arc or season will try to explore things from a different angle, but even when they try to do that they still work within certain rules. 

I should probably just make a gif of it for myself, but my favourite visual for this is in 11x04… actually it’s 2am and I have the Sleep Madness so I’ll just do that… 

It’s such a wonderful image of the 2 of them, with Sam wearing red and Dean wearing blue, and top and tail like that. They’re 2 parts of a whole but they’re utterly different people and they’re often mirror images to each other in ways where when something applies to one, the direct opposite is shown in the other. 

(Sidebar: it’s why I’m so delighted that Sam was like blah blah Cas is family and then Dean was like you may be able to forget Cas but I can’t!!!!1 in 13x03… But on the other hand there are things where the nuances get lost and people make weird wrong assumptions like us having to endlessly prove Dean is the smart one because of the lingering first impression that doesn’t let anyone create any nuance after “sam went to college and dean didn’t���)

Anyway, setting up a straight man and comedy sidekick duo drops that all on Dean because from the first episode Sam’s all serious and has epic angst, while Dean tries to lighten the mood and clearly has the snarky sort of attitude that lends itself towards being the comedic one. Even when they make Dean angsty, Sam is serious and Dean big brother picks on him a bit sometimes (in a nice way) and teases him a lot - this is all broad strokes season 1 characterisation I’m talking about, really. But yeah, even if they go super deep or make Dean super angsty, he’s established as the character who can deal with it. And sometimes dealing with it is shouldering a cracky episode’s concept because they know his reactions are going to be easier to sell the thing.

The other thing is emotional POV and Dean’s largely established as the character who has that. Sam spends a lot of time unavailable as the emotional POV and Dean has shouldered entire SEASONS of it (season 6 especially where he was the ONLY viable emotional POV character for large chunks of it). Emotional POV is not really who the episode is ABOUT but what character is reacting to it and filtering how we should feel about a thing for us. In 6x03 when Cas wants to read the kid’s soul to get info, Dean steps in like wtf we don’t torture kids, but Sam and Cas outweigh him because utilitarian means to an end for the greater good blah blah. It makes it clear if we’d missed it that Dean is the only person whose judgement can be trusted until further notice. So until then, we always have to check in with Dean to get the read on a thing. 

Anyway because Dean is the emotional POV we cry and suffer along with him, but we also laugh along with him.

In 7x14 even when Sam gets a funny episode about him, the clowns aren’t really revealing anything about him - we knew about the clown fear since 2x02, it’s explored before the fight but largely for Dean’s benefit, and Sam getting the crap kicked out of him by clowns makes him a hilarious object for us - the fight scene is ridiculously funny but it IS just Sam having the snot beaten out of him while they come up with creative ways clowns would WRECK you in a fight. Dean gets an emotional showdown with the guy controlling the fears, and is the one who learns a lesson from it, while Sam had never really been set up for anything other than being the centre of attention of all the nonsense because it was really really funny that he was scared of clowns. It’s like the “the ball washer” “the what?” exchange explains Sam’s entire role in the episode. 

(Which was Dean doing big brother teasing but like the entire narrative decided to torture him :P)

And meanwhile when Dean gets the hilarious episodes which turn out to be really really painful, we get deep explorations of his psyche. 4x06 explores his hell trauma and reveals a lot about what he went through, and his fears about what Sam will become (LOVE THAT DABB EXPOSITION :D)… Idk about the old man Dean episode but he had some DEEP scenes with Bobby in it I seem to recall… I think @thejabberwock was probably giffing it recently and putting it on my dash for me to scroll past without really looking the moment I recognised what episode it was :P) but it was an episode that let them sort of relate to each other a bit better I think. Or Dean to feel for Bobby some more. Idk, I think there is a super important conversation between them? This is what happens when you put an episode on your “eeeeh skip it unless you’re being weirdly thorough” list :P

But yeah young!Dean was a massively important Dean episode exploring deep down in his character, but just delivered through silly moments about cake and Taylor Swift and complaining about puberty. Or the CAR THING with Sam where it’s a huge description of their relationship that Dean hops in the car seat even though he might not be old enough to even legally DRIVE her, and then Sam gets in the front seat and Dean just squishes him, hauling the seat forward for his tiny legs to reach the pedals. Like, Sam didn’t argue and it didn’t occur to Dean and they only swapped AFTER this bad dynamic caused a stupid mess and crushed Sam? Hello entire codependency metaphor :P 

(And I don’t think I need to explain 12x11 since it was so recent and so so awful about Dean D: Oh gosh, you could have just given us the Larry riding montage and no episode and that would have been enough :P)

Anyway as the emotional POV this stuff happens to Dean because changes to his self is the plot idea to help with stuff that’s to come or to explain things that already happened in the main plot, or really OTT situations they want for their own sake, that push the boundaries of his character but seem more to do with the main plot unfolding, make sense to explore through Dean, because his emotional landscape is often plot relevant, and the exploration even if it’s wrapped up in a silly concept, usually makes a lot more sense to apply to him because we already have a vast playground of his characterisation to mess around in. 10x12 and 12x11 especially were calling on everything about Dean. I think the writer even went on Twitter I guess when he was writing it and polled everyone on the most Dean-like things they could think of, and clearly got the answers “music, pie, car and girls” because those were the main metaphors of subverting Dean’s character that he offered.

I don’t think this is to reflect negatively on Sam - he gets some fascinating character stuff but connected to the main plot and not delving him in the same way Dean is delved (I think the imbalance and not understanding how they’re written can make people sad on Sam’s behalf he doesn’t get enough development in the same way Dean gets it, which is often by default when we care about character stuff over plot. I also think the writing falls into ruts of this which HAVE favoured Dean and his emotional arcs over Sam’s plot stuff). But Sam can get some incredible character stuff out of the plot things - I think Sam in Berens episodes is a great example because I’m still reeling from 13x03 and the stuff he said to Jack, because that’s all using the main plot to explore Sam - even if a lot of it was saying obvious stuff we knew about Sam, he doesn’t really say it too often and forcing him to say it out loud in episode THREE means the season is going to have to build on that or fail Sam (and he’s so wrapped up in what happens to Jack I can’t see his character stuff connected to that disappearing :P) 

But yeah, him being the “straight man” means that Dean is bouncing off him to be the funny one, and that really reflects on every level of the show, especially when you take humour and replace it with the emotional connection we have to the show in general and humour is just a great way to game that to get the reaction in a positive way, and Sam’s not the serious one so much as he’s dealing with the big stuff, usually, and that can wander off to all sorts of places like his habit of completely hammering down any other feelings to deal with the things that have to be done. Or to do the opposite of scaling up Dean, he can scale down to be the more serious one in a silly episode. Which doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect him - all the episodes where he had to deal with something happening to Dean that put him in charge it really messes him up. Or makes him really good at poker that one time :P 

…

Ah, my neighbours have stopped having a 4 way screaming match outside in the street, I’m going to stop typing and go to bed, so no tl;dr here… it’s turning 2am :D

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

i follow a lot of meta writers who say dean's story doesn't make sense without destiel. for example, amara was about exposing how dean felt about cas; the heart stuff how she found dean by touching cas' heart follow your heart all that. i ship destiel but don't think it will be endgame (wish it would be honestly). can i ask what do you think dean's story is without a destiel exposition? Do the amara and MoC and Mary story lines make sense without it? What is Dean's personal story and endgame?

Dear anon,

first and foremost what I want to emphasize going into this reply is that people can take away whatever they want from the show and read it in a way that suits their viewing of what happens on screen. All of what we see in those 45 minutes of television is influenced and shaped by our own experiences and interests, by the things that speak to us and move us or the aspects and topics we deem important. For that very reason readings and views will always differ simply because we all have our own focus. Things that stand out to one person, aren’t important for another for the sole reason that we tend to latch onto and project what moves us most into the narrative and analyze what plays out in the episode accordingly. What I mean is: it’s natural to disagree, there isn’t such a thing as ONE and ONLY ONE RIGHT reading. And there is nothing shameful or wrong about disagreeing with someone else, it’s all about how one expresses those differences of opinion. No one is better or worse or stupid for not seeing what someone else may see that doesn’t fit to your personal impression and perception of the show. In short: Live and let live.

The reason I am prefacing my reply with this long, more general ramble is due to the fact that I feel the fighting within the fandom over “right ways of reading and watching the show” or “people being too stupid to realize the show is saying this and this and not that and that” has gotten to a ridiculous and toxic point in which tolerance is lacking all around and on all sides and is seriously tiring to me, because it is just mind baffling to me why people can’t just be happy with what they read and see in the show and share it with the ones who see it similarly, but have to force their views on everybody else and get nasty over people having another view and takeaway than them and throwing around insults like there is no tomorrow.

With that all out of the way, let me tell you my view on Dean’s story. And just to make that clear from the get go :) no, I don’t think Dean’s story only makes sense when taking Deancas into account. It’s alright for me, if people argue that and feel that way, but to me it’s simply not the case and also imo takes away from Dean as a character in his own right.

I enjoy(ed) Deancas and like interactions between Dean and Castiel (though tbh since S11 to me a lot has changed and I no longer feel passionate or strongly about them, because to me the writers and how they handle the relationship atm is just too hollow and soulless for my taste, it simply no longer has the depth and “spark” for lack of a better word that it used to have in seasons prior, which still speak to me and move me when it comes to these two characters), but I do truly take issues with people arguing that Dean or his story only makes sense in relation to Castiel. I have the same issues with people arguing that Dean’s story and Dean only makes sense in relation to Sam. Of course both people are relevant to Dean’s story, but to me another person/characters should never be the most important thing about another character. So yeah, both of these viewings are the same to me in their essence, because in both cases it discredits Dean as a character in his own right in measures and ways I personally find very sad, because it belittles Dean. And Dean is much more than the people he loves (and this actually one aspect that is actually part of the show for Dean to realize) and that is kind of one of the main things that I personally feel relevant for Dean’s arc and possible endgame: seeing himself as worthy and important unrelated to any other person/character.

[[This week’s episode imo has highlighted a great deal how I personally see Dean’s story spanning from the first season onwards and what his struggles were and are that need to be overcome for him to be happy (if you browse my 13x03gif tag you’ll find all the meta I already wrote on the topic).]]

It may be for the very reason that Dean always puts others first and worries about them that people tend to see Dean only as an extension to another character. To me personally therefore one of the main things that has been explored heavily all throughout Carver Era and with that the Moc and Amara arc is addressing how “unfree” Dean has been all his life and how he has never truly listened or maybe even truly found out what he himself wants and is without the people he “cares for” (that is btw one huge point that was made in this week’s episode when Kelly told Jack that he didn’t have to be like his mother or father, but just himself and how this drastically differs to Dean who has been both unwanted - see meta and gifs for that here), because that very aspect - Dean thinking he needs to be this or that (mother, father and brother from age 4 onwards - as he himself openly now emphasized wasn’t fair) - has become Dean’s entire “reason for existence”. He thinks of himself as only useful when he can be of service and that is one tragic and horrible way not only of thinking about yourself (as unworthy, etc.), but also to live, because as the show has highlighted again and again when Dean feels like he cannot be of help, he thinks he lacks a reason to live and slips even further into a depression that is always glowering there just underneath the surface.

Due to all of what I mentioned just yet, I personally find it highly unfortunate that some people tend to make Dean all about Sam or Cas, because it falls completely in the trap that causes Dean so many issues since he himself only views himself as an extension to someone else, but that by no means means that that is right - quite the opposite. And that is also one of the many issues I have with Dabb’s showrunning and S12 in particular as in seasons prior the narrative addressed the discrepancy of Dean feeling like he matters least, etc. but that the characters around him constantly showed that that is not the case, but only something happening inside Dean’s head. Now S12 blatantly made it text that Dean does indeed not matter himself and I will never not be absolutely disgusted about that, because throughout the entire season we saw Dean put down, his emotions ignored, lied to (really, the way the season started, Mary trampling all over her son, is so emblematic of what happened throughout the entire season as well) and none of the treatment he experienced got corrected in the end, but Dabb friggin decided that it is a stellar idea to have Dean only briefly express how his mother’s death shaped him and messed him up (and yes, I get that it is in line with who Dean is and how he thinks so little of himself and putsothers traumas and needs first while ignoring his own, because they seem less important - see how that narrative thread runs through the whole show?) but that ultimately Dean as a person once more would disappear by making it all about Sam and talking about how Sam suffered (never mind Dean did and does too) and it also only then that his friggin mother is showing any kind of interest in her son. Only when her one son talks about the other son. Yeah, nice work there. But really, what took the cake for me with all that was how Mary didn’t even wrap Dean into a hug when he fucking saved her, but she opts to fall into Sam’s arms. Sorry, but gahhhh, I’ll never not be epicly pissed off about this.

Considering all this I am not surprised when people tend to think Dean has no story of his own or that it doesn’t make sense without Deancas or Sam on the other hand, but to me as someone who is most interested in each character in their own right much more than in any possible pairing, it is frustrating, because you feel like you are an island and belong nowhere. But sorry, I got caught up in my disliking of S12, I’m trying to get back on track now.

So given all that and the whole aspect of Dean’s “lack of freedom” due to feelings of responsibility are a huge aspect that to me was integral in the entirety of the MoC arc and the Amara arc as to me it explored Dean’s feelings of inadequacy and showing and exploring how Dean may have always been the main symbol for “free will”, but rarely has had it himself. In that regard, and I know this may be an utterly unpopular opinion to many, I have always analyzed Dean’s MoC arc and his time as a demon as a sort of “rite of passage” that served as a setting stone for Dean’s liberation, because it was as a demon that for the first time Dean only did what he himself wanted. It’s of course just one small aspect of a much more complex overall storyline, but to me it is an integral part nonetheless. Dean wasn’t happy as a demon by a long shot, but he did only what he wanted without feeling bad about having wishes of his own.

During the MoC and Amara arc Dean’s lack of independency from the people closest to him was amplified by making Dean unable to control what happened within himself when he held the blade or was in Amara’s closer vicinity. He was other directed, a puppet that got its strings pulled and that thread has been an integral one for Dean since we saw him strung up in Hell and torn apart (literally) by ropes tearing him apart every which way. To me there couldn’t be a more fitting and sadder visual for how Dean spent his entire life: caught in the middle, trying to keep a family together that drifted apart and getting torn apart and ending up hurt and damaged by trying to keep all of it together.

So in a way Dean losing his agency to the mark and then later Amara was just the utter extreme of showing how Dean for most of his life has not lived and done what he himself wanted, but what others needed him to do. The theme is right there, right from the beginning of the show and culminates for the first time in S4 and S5 when Dean rejects to become and be what Heaven wants him to be. The same strength he showed in relation to Michael, he never was able to show when it came to things his father demanded of him for example. There is a a famous scene where Dean articulates that himself in “Sacrecrow” in S1

and it comes back up here and there across the seasons when Dean expresses that he wished he would have stood up against their father more, etc. - the entire episode 9x06 “Bad Boys” also shines a huge light on that whole topic as we get a glimpse of the Dean there, who was allowed to be just a teen without feeling burdened and responsible to join his father’s fight.

For me Dean’s entire arc spanning over the course of the show is a storyline about self discovery about coming of age and coming into his own (an no with that I don’t mean a “coming out”-story, though of course it could be worked in or rather go hand in hand with that, but Dean’s sexual liberation to me has never been an integral topic from the beginning of the show and explored deeply until now, whereas the other has - again everyone is open to disagree with me, I have no problems with anyone reading it different, but this is just my personal feeling on the matter). It’s a narrative focusing on identity for someone who has never truly had the chance to become who he would have been if he had never had to be what others needed him to be. Phew… that was a weird sentence, lol. Anybody else got a knot in their brain now? ;)

And last but not least (though frankly I could write like 10 times as much as I already did since this is such a complex question) since you bring up the heart symbolism. I don’t mean to piss anyone off, but the heart symbolism as such has been surrounding Dean long before Castiel even came into the show (and it’s one of my favorite topics aside from “Dean as a christ figure” and I’ve written countless meta on that topic - I’m gonna leave a bunch of links to metas behind the cut at the end of this meta, for anyone who is interested in talk about heart symbolism, liberation, Amara and MoC arc etc. - some may even feature Deancas, but 95%  are just about Dean - it is by no means all I have written on the topic, but a good start), so to me - while I have no problem with people connect the heart symbolism in recents seasons to Castiel and Dean - they aren’t connected to another character at all, but are solely a symbol and metaphor for Dean as a character, because Dean’s heart has always been his biggest asset, but also what makes him so vulnerable. Dean is the “heart” of the show, as he serves as the PoV character. But most of all the heart symbolism surrounding Dean to me also belongs to the whole identity thread. It is also after all that Dean’s metaphorical death and re-emergence as a demon as a stepping stone to his liberation and coming of age (the healing part is still hopefully to come) is brought on by him dying by being stabbed through the heart…

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/121901277911/this-is-easier-some-more-thoughts-on-the

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/69379178845/dean-winchesters-heart-is-a-puzzle

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/131476588721/11x02-form-and-void-shes-a-miracle

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/98552189146/this-is-a-story-a-marvelous-story-full-of-love

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/87629591461/go-right-ahead-put-a-blade-through-your

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/67585667715/of-werevolves-tin-men-dean-winchester-and-his

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/110615479616/dustydreamsanddirtyscarsdeans-physical-and

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/66175602035/things-about-9x05-dog-dean-afternoon-3

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/127498203661/the-original-serpent-3

[amwritingmeta]

i am living for all this meta talk tbh, it makes me feel less Tragically Optimistic and more regular optimistic. SO, we know that Dean and Cas' respective stories, and the story as a whole, doesn’t necessarily NEED that romantic element to be complete, right? supernatural isn’t a romance story. but, dean's response to the idea of “settling down with someone” is never “i don’t want that,” it’s, “i can’t have that,” essentially. which, in my mind, is just really good, ah, cannon fodder

Hello, sweetling! 

Aw that’s so brilliant to read! And regular optimistic is good! Welcome to the fold. :)

supernatural isn’t a romance story.

Exactly! It truly isn’t. And even if the scenes we get between Dean and Cas from here on out, or at least in S15, begin to illuminate the fact that they’re in love with each other, I will still say that the show won’t be about them and so the narrative axis and its main plot points, if you will, most likely won’t have anything directly to do with their love story.

If that makes sense?

We won’t get a finale centred around Destiel, is what I’m saying. Like, I’d bet my hair. (and I’m quite fond of my hair) (never mind it’s greying around the edges) And, can I be frank? Hope so ‘cause I’m gonna be. I actually don’t want a finale centred around Destiel. Or centred completely on the brothers. I would like it to be about TFW!

Adding to that statement the reason for it, which is that I would love the love story to come into bloom slowly and organically and I know these writers and these actors could make something quietly spectacular out of it so I’m just gonna sit here and cross my fingers and toes, yeah? 

That said, if we get high drama then hell, I’m not gonna say no to that. I just hope we get it, and that we get it indisputably on screen, whatever it may be. I have such high hopes that we won’t just get it strongly hinted at (because the commentary will then be lost on every viewer who actually doesn’t read the subtext) or that we land in it in the very final episode or something like NO! GIVE ME SCENES DAMN IT! GIVE ME IT!! GIVE ME THEM TEXTUALLY FLIRTING DARN IT!! GIVE ME LINGERING BLOODY EYE CONTACT AND BUTTERFLIES IN STOMACH SMILES AND JUST WHATEVER!! ALL THE DAMN ROMANCE!! 

Pretty please. With all the cherries.

This may not be a romance story, but it is a story about love and… love. :)

Look, I believe we will get it, but I don’t know we will, so my faith is entirely based in hope here. I just really want to actually witness those moments when they begin to open up to the goddamn truth of their relationship: they love each other equally and they truly balance each other out beautifully. 

They’re so good for each other. They bicker and argue and push and pull, yes, but they both need that, you know? They both need someone to question their behaviour, and it just so happens that the person questioning them is the one person neither wants to let down. It’s gorgeous! It’s the foundation for opening up to change. Someone you respect questioning your actions while never turning away from you, even when you mess up so badly you grow to hate yourself. 

Aw, it’s so important that they have the other there as quiet support no matter what!

And, back to your actual ask, YES! Dean’s issue has always been that he thinks he doesn’t deserve to have good things and his fear of happiness is entirely based in this deeply rooted belief that Good Things Don’t Last, which is entirely tied to Mary’s untimely death, yeah? And this has been, to my mind, what has informed how he relates himself to this man he’s falling madly in love with who happens to kind of sort of be an angel that dicks off at any given moment without so much as a by your leave, good things don’t last, yeah, very aware.

Cas’ unreliability hasn’t stopped Dean falling in love with him, though, which I think is a part of Dean’s character progression. Instead of him having even the whisper of a codependent relationship with Cas (though their reliance on the other is unhealthy in other ways) and it feeding Dean’s insecurities, it’s the complete opposite and it exposes Dean’s insecurities as false. Because CAS ALWAYS COMES BACK. :P

As for the unhealthy part, I do believe that losing the person you love doesn’t have to stop your life in its tracks. I’m not dismissing the incapacitating weight of depression or grief related depression, but I also believe that there’s help to be had, you know? I’ve gone through horrendous grief in my life. It never goes away, that loss. But you can learn to deal with it, yeah?

Losing Cas has derailed or stopped Dean’s progression twice. Hugely. Majorly so. And however romantic the undertones, the reality of it (the way I see it) is that it’s unhealthy. Instead of Dean unconsciously relying on Cas to be his compass, since Cas represents faith to Dean, Dean should have faith in himself regardless. Same goes for Cas, but I think Cas is a little farther along here, because he’s stepped into the place of humanity himself many times over, especially this season, in how he relates himself to Jack (though Cas still refers to himself not as a human of course not but rather as a thing) (never over it), and in how Jack chose Cas as father figure, which is just all shades of pretty.

Dean and Cas’ relationship will be happy and balanced when both of them are moving into their true identities, chill to be themselves, no more armour to be seen.

Gah! I want it for them so badly. *clutches at heart*

Your ask is pretty much you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed agreeing with the idea of Destiel not having to happen, but that it happening will deepen the overall message of the show, once the narrative truly wraps up and we land in what that message was always (or not) meant to be, yeah? 

I mean, I sincerely think they don’t have to deliver on anything, because, as said, the narrative could be tied up without the love story coming to a conclusion, but I believe the writers want the love story to conclude, because of how intentional the subtext has always been, and because of how important Cas has been, subtextually, to Dean’s progression. That takes thought power. That takes awareness and love and care. Immense love and care for these characters and their needs and wants. And huge respect for the narrative as a whole. The writers have worked with these tools for going on fifteen years and for a reason. I cannot fathom that it’d be for no good reason. The reason for it is right there in the narrative.

But I don’t need to argue for this. We all know this. :P

What I believe in, very firmly, is that the writers also don’t want the love story to conclude ahead of its time. Every time its been building towards an actual conclusion they haven’t changed their mind, they’ve just had to draw it out, because there was more story to tell, more character progression to explore, and I’m stoked that they now have the chance to finish this narrative and finish it the way they’ve envisioned it for the last few seasons. Or that Dabb envisions it now, as they know for certain they’re truly wrapping it up. Whichever it is.

Now, as already agreed, the narrative doesn’t need the love story to conclude to end on a good note, it really doesn’t. But like I said in another ask today: if the love story is left open to interpretation, that openness will leave a hole. Perhaps not for the GA, as it were, but certainly for us, right? It won’t diminish the subtext in any way, but leaving it wholly open to interpretation would, at least to me, be taking away from making a more resounding statement about breaking free of societal norms and fear of judgement, which is what I believe has kept Dean away from being openly queer for such a very long time.

Either way, I’m excited to see how much they give us and how far they’ll go. Truly, truly excited. I’d love to get to watch all three characters level out and grow truly comfortable in their own skin. With a fourteen year build towards the show’s climax, the denouement should hopefully be something we get to witness for more than an episode or the very final scene of the entire series. I hope we get more. But I also know the show we’re watching and it’s possible they’ll keep it excruciatingly subtle right to the very end. 

We shall see!! Whatever happens, I’m sure it shall be spectacular!

[elizabethrobertajones]

If you feel like it, I'd be interested in your opinion.... personally I'm getting really tired and hopeless about the way Dean gets angry, blaming and aggressive towards Cas and Sam.... yes, he's worried, he feels abandoned or betrayed - but I feel like I've been making excuses for him for so long.... IDK if it's out of character, it seems so so different from past characterization, where I feel it was more understanding and came with more sweetness and care.... am I wrong?

Answering this properly would probably take an entire walk through Dean’s life history, along with rewatching everything just to form an opinion… Bearing in mind you’re asking someone who would still default to being a Dean girl if I had to pick, even though I think those categories are monstrously unfair to my TFW-loving heart :P

I do think each successive trauma Dean’s had since season 2 has each time made him more depressed, angry and withdrawn, which is the root cause of all this (as usual, start with blaming John when discussing Dean’s personality defects :P) 

He also is usually right about things and has a moral high ground even when the show is making him a demon, so that can’t help :P He’s positioned as the emotional POV and moral centre of the story, and as Mittens keeps calling him, a human lie detector, and that puts him in a LOT of situations where he has to protect his family, or their lies and betrayal and losses all are about his reaction. 

(It’s this that makes me think he has a lawful good D&D alignment, mostly because these are extremely irritating traits in a character if not done right, and clearly irritate people about Dean when he rubs them the wrong way, and like… yeah, it’s a gut feeling about how irritatingly right he is but that’s essentially why. :P)

But yeah, he’s very sympathetic to me without me having to try and these same actions don’t feel that way to me because I’m clinging to Dean and sobbing about how miserable he is, and have been for pretty much my entire adult life >.> Oops. 

I understand though, because it was partially this that made me really fall out of love with him over season 10 (also how gross he was being) and it took a big rewatch intentionally reminding myself of Dean being sweeter that helped ease me back in. I was more concerned about falling back in love with Sam after season 10 though, because Dean not being Mark of Cain Dean was all I needed to like him again. And in season 11, that also was true - without the Mark I found that he was much easier to get on with emotionally, and I was thankfully ready to like him again after watching a great deal of the show over again to remind myself. 

I think he has changed though since then, and in many ways positively, but also he has in a weird way developed ahead of Sam and Cas in positive development but since he hasn’t in other ways, he’s getting narky with them from his IMPROVED moral high ground and they’re not meeting his standards of new character growth and he’s not like, perfect, so he gets snappy with them. :P 

The show ALWAYS give him a moral high ground though - even when he was demon!Dean. In this episode’s case, Cas is gonna steal the Colt and IS acting shifty, and in a way it’s totally Dean’s right to call him out if he knew this, but he just has a gut feeling something’s shifty and is pre-angry about what he’s angry about later in the episode, so he seems not to change, in a way, being angry about Cas for one thing then the other, but really he’s been angry about the same thing all episode, only getting more clarity on WHY and what Cas did later. 

I’m not saying he was right to act the way he did, especially on making Cas feel unwelcome immediately (it reminded me of him lashing out in 8x22 and that really hurts my heart as it was coming from the same place but now 4 years ago - Cas made off with the angel tablet to protect Dean in the abstract (and protect the tablet from Dean because again he was being kind of controlled by it in a way where it messed with his basic programming), instead of sticking with him and them risking all the trouble together as a team)… but between his worry and his suspicion, he tried to call Cas out about it because - and he knows he does this but I guess can’t help himself in the moment - he reverts to anger when he’s worried, and Cas is really really worrying him. Explaining he does it but then carries on doing it doesn’t mean he CAN all the time and ideally he’d try and talk it out before storming off or lashing out, but this is where we are >.> 

But yeah, he does this same thing way back… I can’t think of smaller examples though there’s bound to be some because right from the start he and Sam grated on each other but Dean’s secret in season 1 was he was just so scared for his family and wanted to put it all back together and not be alone and to protect them all - that’s the darkest thing Dean discovers in season 1, how much he’d do to protect his family. So this is still playing off a core trait that was Dean’s darkness in season ONE. But in practice back then that looks like constantly pissing Sam off to the verge of leaving to find John on his own half the time :P 

In 4x04 Dean has a chance for a huge sanctimonious narrative-will-prove-him-right argument with Sam at the start when he finds out he’s still been working with Ruby… He really lets Sam have it but he IS right and his approach really didn’t help anything especially as Ruby WANTED a rift between them, and Dean digs himself a great big hole over, like, everything… Same could be said for Cas, once he’s in the family bracket for sure, with 6x20 and everything Dean says there, especially as Cas going to Dean doesn’t actually seem like it could have helped all that much in averting Apocalypse 2.0 except for dying in the moral high ground together as family, so, yay :P In 4x21 Dean also says he’d rather Sam dies human and is technically right, with the narrative again, that Sam shouldn’t have been drinking more demon blood, or that they should use him as a weapon for the greater good, or let him go kill Lilith, since what seems like the ideal end goal is just how Lucifer gets free and causes even greater evil. (He also yells at and hits Cas in 4x22 but idk if Dean is even sure they’re friends yet until 5x01 when he definitely calls Cas his friend, although of course it IS the same type of argument where Dean is right, knows he’s being lied to and manipulated, and is pissed off and terrified.)

So anyway in show terms it’s old as dirt (aka anything that happened in Kripke era) and Dean’s always been angry-concerned and it’s so much a part of his character it doesn’t bother me in a way, even if I think he should change long term and not yell at and upset his family like that, it doesn’t upset or grind me down. 

I can see how season 10 could break you on that point though because it NEARLY did me, and kind of did for a little while (like… a couple of weeks. Which is a very long time to not like Dean in my personal timeline :P) - these days Dean is comparatively happier and in a better place than he was in season 10 and so every day he’s not Mark of Cain Dean is a little victory to me, and his behaviour and treatment of his family is accordingly more balanced and mature than it obviously would have been then, but I also think he has been working hard on trying to talk things out and addressing feelings. 

So in 12x19 he yells at Cas in one scene, but when Cas comes to talk to him again, Dean is open and calmer. He only gets angry again later when Cas betrays his trust, and I think that would be in part BECAUSE he opened up so much to Cas so it’s not just a general trust, it was a “I thought we were working on things and communicating better” trust of the immediate conversation he’d just had with Cas. I think he HAS been more well-rounded with emotional stuff and trying to get it right and not fuck up like he has in the past since season 11, and he genuinely had character development over that season that’s been very obviously applied THIS season. But he’s not magically become someone else other than Dean, and this is a core reaction for him and a core character trait when WRITING him, so it’s going to be a slow process to demolish it even though he’s addressed back in 12x10 that he does it and he knows it can be harsh, especially when he only really means to show his concern. 

I definitely don’t think it’s a thing to be hopeless about, especially when the story called Dean out for doing it - it’s called him out a few times over stuff, like in 11x23 making him say he put Sam and his own troubles ahead of everything including Cas, as well as 12x10 and apologising to Cas that he is too harsh because he’s concerned, not angry. Having Dean express these things out loud is not just Dean running his mouth, it’s dialogue that’s put in for the reason of SHOWING they know he has character flaws, and Dean genuinely has been trying to be aware he does it and to make up for it when he does. He can’t say, this time, that he forgot about Cas, because rather than wait for the ominous news, like it took until “Dean, that’s not Cas!!” for him to express more than passing concern, as soon as Cas stops picking up, Dean starts bombarding his phone and searching to see if he turned up dead in a ditch. He even got concerned and annoyed when Cas was working with Crowley at the start of the season and was keeping a grumpy eye on that scenario. He knew something was up before it even was this episode, and he might not have approached it well because he’s working on “concerned not angry”, but forgetting Cas is something he never wants to do again and the wake up call about it with Casifer has clearly had a profound effect on how he behaves about Cas - again it might seem like he’s being over-concerned and it might even be controlling behaviour but the narrative is determined to prove him right, and he has a strong basis for his gut feeling, because his gut feeling is very very accurate in many cases. 

But it has been 12 years and change is slow, so I can see why and understand it might not feel like enough, or that he’s getting worse… I don’t think you’d be wrong for thinking it, even if I don’t see it that way, because it’s so subtle and usually only shows up as positive development BY showing us the negative side of his behaviour so seeming to reinforce that it’s still there while we’re waiting for the change, and if you start to feel like you’re apologising rather than seeing those excuses as explanations for change, because it keeps on coming without seeming to change to you… It’s just a viewpoint and interpretation and  especially while we don’t have any big pay off, all it really is is that I have a more positive interpretation that’s making me much happier about where Dean is and how the show’s treating him that makes me really chill to see him angry at his family.

I think the point is that it feels to me at the moment that it IS in focus and they’re addressing it, we get MORE scenarios where this sort of thing happens because Dean is being tested on his character development over and over again - like how he had to deal with consecutive discoveries in only a few episodes of Mary and Sam and Cas working with the BMoL and then Heaven. Did he handle them perfectly? No, but he showed his development in different ways each time by expressing how he feels, or trying to go along with things instead of falling out, or to try and bridge gaps after falling out, and it shows each time that Dean is a work in progress and they’re slowly affecting him and helping him to grow as a person. But it means lots of scenes where Dean is pissy with the people around him, and falling into the traits the show feels like addressing, which is maybe why you’re now seeing them a lot and getting upset by it and thinking he’s never changed. They might not HAVE a moment where anyone ever points out he’s actually changed, and it becomes something that’s changed in him by omission that we don’t see it again after a while, and we have to remember he used to be this way.

I feel like a lot of his change, at least escalating to the Mark of Cain stuff, has been for the worse (as in, like I said, making him more and more depressed and angry and withdrawn), season 5 aside (season 5 fixed him and Sam somewhat before they unravelled the sweater again for another take at it all :P) and only in season 11 does he start getting positive character development, so we’re also in the middle of Dean’s positive change, and the show has all the time in the world, with a season 13 waiting and all these promises of it ends when we want it to end, that they don’t have to rush it, frustrating as that may be while WE wait for pay off on any of these long character arcs.

As an example of a finished one, though, Sam also has had lasting character development that had a profound change on the way he reacts/is written between season 5-7, and part of why he’s now more of a peaceful mediator in these things (although tending towards being too passive sometimes, and obviously has a lot of work he still needs doing especially as he still knee-jerk over-corrects and bottles things up) but in season 7 he really genuinely seemed to have grown and become more zen and peaceful with himself, and loses a LOT of his anger and over-confidence (… to the point of lack of confidence, which is where season 8 onwards escalated it >.>) which is a process he’s been on since season 5 but becomes more and more obvious through that chunk of the show, until Carver era starts messing with him badly, in a way where he also accumulates more trauma and changes his behaviour notably and over an extended period of time with lasting effects away from that and into seriously messing him up - but from a baseline of the zen Sam who emerged in season 5, not the angry Sam from season 1-4. 

We see them on screen so much sometimes you need a rewatch and to watch them evolve as if you hit the fast forward button on their lives, because going a season at a time and not looking back, it’s hard to keep a picture of how they were and how they’ve changed in our minds, especially when some behavioural changes are quite organic or not called out until they’re a long way down the line… It takes the start of season 7 to change and grow before Dean and Bobby start giving him “who are you and what have you done with Sam” faces as they realise, and tbh I only really noticed that after a rewatch where I already knew Dean and Bobby had called it out in the middle of season 7, to really appreciate this arc where Sam changes in season 5, 6 and 7…

… I think that is about as concise as I can get my very lengthy opinion, having deleted large tangents which probably were 3 times the length of this, all added up XD