#cause I myself am not stupid
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sl33py-g4m3r · 9 months ago
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deleted the sleep schedule complaining cause I've been complaining about it too much~~ based on the way things work with me tho I'll work my way back around eventually~~
sorry for complaining about it so much~~
thought of deleting the magnetite question post but that was for a bit of fun thinking and (hopefully) didn't show incompetence with a series I hold so dear~~
or the before bed (what do these skills do) post where I rant and looked them up anyway.... i deeply worry about coming off as stupid
I now worry I've ether revealed too much information or have made myself seem incompetent to some degree~~
now anxiety is gnawing at me trying to complete a stupid cycle I'm trapped in~~~ I'd often delete my blog cause I feel like I've revealed too much personal stuff~~ but I always come back after a while anyway, different username, same walpaper, theme, and icon... so realistically there's no point in nuking it~~~
I wonder if there are people at the monastery that get too distracted studying relics that they also lose track of time and do what i do? and are constantly backwards sleep schedule wise as a result?
of course anyone of any alignment could probably get their sleeping patterns weird; and to be honest it's probably tied more to morality than anything else tho..... begs the question, which alignment would be more likely to constantly flip flop their sleeping schedule?
I'm assuming the day/night cycle is normal in smt iv? in mikado at least perhaps.... Does Mikado have seasons? I'd like to see winter~~~ Lake Mikado frozen over~~~ snow and ice everywhere~~
if you hide in a pile of snow to scare someone what's the likelihood that you'll die? fun isn't worth death methinks~~
Would the samurai uniforms change for winter in that case? Or is it just one standard all purpose one?
I bet I’m so short that if I wore a coat, it would drag the ground… unless they’re fitted per person. Kinda doubt it tho. Cause it seems they get the outfits immediately after the gauntlet rite…
Now imagining that the town would be decked out for whatever holidays they celebrate in Mikado~~ but what holidays would that be? Christian ones? Do we ever get any info on things such as this?
Interesting ~~~
From an anxious rant; into ‘that would be neat if we got more elaboration on this’
Idk how my mind works am sorry~~~ least I’m not anxious in this moment anymore ~~ lol.
Samurai training in the middle of a blizzard? If they train in places on the surface and it’s not just excursion into naraku…
I’ve somehow fused the anxiety with ‘this’ll be neat’ and am not anxious anymore what happened here?
Idk what this post is am sorry, lol. Stuff lately has just been ‘stream of consciousness with updates’
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lazylittledragon · 5 months ago
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i need guenhwyvar to be Cat so bad
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shrimpyjackal · 2 months ago
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Ehe-he im very busy and was mentally unprepared for the rollercoaster i have these past 3 days so im not even posting stuff, but hey i drew my fave girl during food-break! Love her more and more each ep, esp after the 4th
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daily-odile · 1 year ago
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idk if you've watched any of Jello's ISAT streams but
Odile wearing Jordans
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based on that one twitter post
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nerdrooikat · 2 months ago
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drabbles about the deer imagery in The Secret History (specifically in relation 2 Camilla) because her becoming a deer/believing that she did stuck in my mind (although this post will mostly take Camilla and the other's recollection of events to be as they recount it – if i examine it in it's effect as an incorrect account, that would be in a separate post)
Obviously there's, on a meta level, an irony to it – Camilla and Charles are named to make fun of the Princess Diana scandal that was happening at the time, and so ironically Camilla transforms into an animal sacred to Diana.
There's also a parallel that I think could be interesting to make between Camilla and Taygete, who for anyone unfamiliar, was turned into a deer by Artemis to protect her from Zeus' sexual advances. Although I think that what happened in the Bacchae was concensual sexually, I think it could possible be indicative in Camilla's narrative role as the "wanted"/"desired" one within the greek class – by Charles, Henry, Richard (although he wasnt there) and even Francis, although he wants to be her more so than actually wanting her.
Additionally, outside of how it actually functions within the story, her transformation into a creature associated so closely with innocence, especially in relation to Diana/Artemis' virginity, might perhaps be tied to Richards view of her as this "pure" and "virginal" person – obviously we know this is far from the truth, and he himself learns this later, but I think it definitely ties into this flawed angelic idea of her he so covets.
I think this interpretation ties into the myth of Actaeon (in terms of "deer transformation myths") although its very interesting to me that they different at key points – Camilla, the "virginual" character, is the one transformed, rather than the sexual transgressor (Charles) or the one who introduces miasma (Henry). But, like Actaeon, she is pursued and hunted – which, another key point – Actaeon is pursued and killed by his own hunting dogs, and Charles returns from the ritual with a bite mark, perhaps tying him into the myth thurther?
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nabaath-areng · 19 days ago
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im having the worst body day in a good while in terms of pain but i refuse to lay down. for there lies the road to the devil (mental health spiraling with nothing to distract from it). i SHOULD cook. but im not sure ill be able to with the pain. especially since the pain is because it feels like literally nothing is sticking together, like im much more bendy and hypermobile and useless than normal, which severely affects both motor skills and body strength. not to mention that this is causing a bad jaw day where so chewing is pain cause i already cant keep it in place and keep my mouth properly closed. i keep complaining but like, holy fuck i want off this illness ride
#i wanna paint my nails also but i dont need to i just feel like it and also thatd cause worse pain but also hhrhgghh#glitter................. sparkles.....#but also i wanna shower cause im cold but i wont be able to stand up right now AND handle potentially passing out#id like to not slip and injure myself if i can at all help it if thats not too much to ask...#man im typing and causing myself pain from it but like what else am i supposed to fucking DOOOOOO#GGRRREAAAAAAAAA#im struggling to comprehend how its NOT the norm to be like this#like what do you MEAN this isnt the default human experience. what do you mean there are people who are free from this#at first i didnt understand i was fucked up because everyone told me im overreacting and everyone has it#only to find out that no they fucking dont and ive been damaged beyond repair trying to reach other peoples ability level#like how do you NOT feel angry and bitter about that? i dont WANT to be but abled people sell you a fucking lie#and then punish you for noticing signs that somethings amiss. and then YOURE the one whos demanding for being burnt out beyond repair#and unable to pretend youre fine and just like them for their comforts sake. god im sorry im just so#i cannot explain this as anything else but an ongoing process of grief and trauma and mourning#and i want to believe in reincarnation solely so that i could have another chance at life#where im not sick and forced to continue giving up the only things that made this pain at all bearable in the first place#im sorry ill be fine or rather i HAVE to be fine because otherwise i dont know what to do with myself and thats crushing me from within#silvi talks#i need a tag for my stupid annoying whining about my fucked up flesh lmao
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epic-agender-dude · 11 months ago
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Okay but we got Vox and Velvette fighting with someone in their songs like Vox and Alastor, and then Velvette and Carmila Carmine Soo like I think we should have Valentino and Husk sing like hear me out, think of it as Valentino either begining a song and then Husk sings while like trying to protect angel dust or something (like how Vox was singing and then Alastor interrupted the song by also singing) or you can think of it as Valentino about to hurt angel dust or something then Husk just starts singing about how he should get the fuck away or some shit (like uh how while Velvette was talking to Zestial and Carmila interrupted her by singing) you know like we should have it and if it isn't him beefing with Husk then let it be him beefing with angel dust or someone just give me a song with him beefing with someone since the only song he sings in (or at least I think if I'm wrong tell me) was at the final with Vox which I loved by the way I mean they we're so cute singing together at least I just kinda want to hear Valentino sing more is basically what's happening I do want to hear all the vees sing more which is like getting me onto my other thing I want can we have all the vees sing a villain song all together like I'm sure they'd all sound great together like I would love to see it man.
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calicotisane · 1 month ago
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This is the second and involuntary imaginary friend, Shannon sludgy mad vegetable-lamprey, that named itself over a month ago and controls the rabid jealousy center of my brain
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p2ii · 3 months ago
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narmothewraith · 7 months ago
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How I imagine myself (aka want to be)
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Vent in the tags (sorry in advance)
#Honestly almost cried while sketching this#I feel so stupid#Like why did I agree to wait until i'm 25 to transition#Oh wait I know#Because I love my parents to much and they only really support me if I a) am 25 or b) my mental health is really really bad#Also it's that part of my mind that's doubting everything. That it's just a phase. That i'm not actually transmasc#Also the psychologist I used to go to supported the idea to wait till 25 and was talking about some whos she knew#And how that girl wanted to be a boy but she got a boyfriend and she didn't want to anymore#Or that boy who wanted to be a girl but later found his identity and was secure in his agab#And she kept saying/asking; “Would you be able to accept to be just a manly woman??” And similar questions#And I know it's stupid but because of it I just keep questioning myself over and over#Because now i'm especially scared it's something I grow out off#But I just want to look in a mirror and be happy#And while I do like my clothing. I want other stuff but I feel goddam dysphoric in that#Only things I can change about me is piercings and my hair but even that is something my parents aren't really keen of#Atleast the length is something they are okay with but if it's kinda more a “”man's style“” and I hear only “oh my god it's so manly"#Honestly I just hate that i'm to scared to do anything about it#All the while I suffer#cause I just cant get out of the house without a binder. Always checking how my profile looks like. Crying when its not how I want it to be#Or almost crying when my mom says “that size is better for a girl like you because other wise it looks boyish” even when I confided in her#transmasc#transgender#trans artwork#Trans#Artists on tumbr#Lgbt#my art <3#my own post
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bunnyboy-juice · 4 months ago
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my best friend just told me she's gonna show me her regular ass grocery order when she gets home and i seriously cheered as if she said she was coming over Right Now
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knotst3r1l3 · 7 months ago
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curse these wretched organs vro what the Fuck man !!!!!!!
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nonsensechemicals · 2 months ago
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the ‘personality’ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that they’re Real but i’m a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how they’re from the narrator’s consciousness which is sick as hell#and i’m unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i don’t know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( i’m not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i don’t know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and it’s all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the ‘what if their blog self Was Real’ but i’m not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably don’t think i know enough and i don’t think they’ll approve if i try. so i Don’t#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but that’s incredibly hopeful#i’ll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to ‘oh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidents’#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that i’m stupid because i didnt try#even though i’m trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else i’ve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends ☝️#man i can’t even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasn’t allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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courtjesterrr · 9 months ago
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brain: ok, you need to start working on the taocc episode animatic.
me: yeah yeah, dw, i got it 😎
also me: *spends all day coming up with a character for a comic series i came up with*
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emmenai-kalliston · 5 months ago
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starting to get a new crush oops...
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foggysirens · 4 months ago
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