#catherine the great ch

[mossdogs]

hgnggggg cringe russian clones

[shrimpyfellow]

Art trade with @royalabe! Thank you for the trade this was really fun to draw :D

This is a really cute ship imo you have wonderful taste :3

[skizzlebeetle]

hiiiii 🤪

[rvstyartstar]

clone high: natm au by @237things

Y'all can tell when i got tired, but I'm srsly digging this au cause my history loving ass saw two of my favourite media mixed together and couldn't stop myself from picking my pen to draw

Trying to improve at the ch artstyle

[wav3y-zzz]

I'm not religious or anything, just mentally ill

[ch-on-twt]

[neutrallyobsessed]

i had this really cute screenshot that i wanted to re-draw in my style but never got to it, but much later i thought you could totally rework this for the mime!joan au and i was like :0000 so here it is ^^~~

(original screenshot under the cut)

really really cute, and i really like playing with these .jpegs as dollies uwu

[limon-con-menta]

[clonehigh-takes]

catherine the great, marie antoinette and anne boelynn all play bed, wed, behead in their sleepovers i know it

100%

[somewherelostinbooks]

The Royal Diaries

Growing up, born in the early 90’s, my absolute favorite book were The Royal Diaries series from Scholastic. These books were a spinoff from the Dear America books (which I also read). They followed the middle age/teenage years of historically important royal women. To be honest, my obsession with monarchies and my interest in history (and my history degree) can be firmly traced from this series.…

[pruneunfair]

Manhwa characters X Henry VIII and the six wives crossover.

of course this isn't going to line up with the real history, they'll simply be put into the roles they suit best and alternations will be made based on source material and their personalities

Henry VIII-Ceasre de como

He was never meant to inherit the throne until his brother unexpectedly passed away. The infamous bastard son who was the true cause of prince Alfonsos death believed to be a tragic result of illness. He framed the crime of poisoning the king on his mistress Ariande de mare and marries his late brothers widow as his first wife Isabella de Mare who has only been able to have one child: a girl, Princess Giovanna. Over the course of his life, King Ceasre marries a total of 6 different women and has only had 3 legitimate heirs throughout his life. During his reign, he ignited the fear and hatred of his people through execution after execution, some of the most infamous being 2 of his 6 wives. It was said that on his death bed, all the women he betrayed had haunted him, with the ringleader being his first love, Ariande de Mare

Catherine of Aragon-Isabella de Mare

Ceasres first wife, Ariandes sister and widow to prince Alfonso. After marrying for a second time small problems erupt from the queen being known as "tainted" for being another kings wife. To mediate the anger, Isabella starts to take religion even more seriously then she did in the past making herself out as a saint who redeemed herself of her sins, the public is unaware she cares very little for the death of her sister. The queen is aware of her husband's concubines and doesn't mind as she knows he would grow bored of her... until Ceasre finds a woman he can't yet have.. so she schemes to stay on the throne. She didn't help orchestrate her sisters death just so Ceasre can go as far as to violate parliament to marry another woman.

She is not remembered so fondly though after her death.

Anne Boleyn- Aria Roscent:

a common woman adopted into the house of Roscent, despite that fact she has become the talk of the town for her beauty and sharp tongue. Aria was planning on marrying her true love Oscar Frederick until she met the king who wanted her as his mistress more than anything, she tried to turn him down the best she could without facing execution, ultimately coming up with a excuse that she'd only be with Ceasre if she became the queen. To which Ceasre happily does much to the anger of queen Isabella who never would've have guessed it would be a random noblewoman instead of Ceasres favorites. Isabella fights back with the pope on her side using the argument the remarriage is reserved only those who have been widowed, this proves to be Isabellas undoing however when Ceasre shoots back with the revelation that the queen had killed her little sister years back and she would do the same to Princess Giovanna if she stayed. The divorce also leads to Ceasre founding his own church and new rules of religion so no pesky pope will stop him in the future, he marries Aria for only 3 years, during those 3 years Aria gave birth to a girl and named her Arabella to spite the former queen but her happiness is shortlived once Ceasre gets tired of her and executes her on crimes of witchcraft and attempted poisoning of his sister in law, Mielle.

Jane Seymour-Jennette Margarita

The 3rd wife Ceasre married quickly after the execution of Queen Aria. Despite her gentle care and kind attitude, the populace despised Jennette for replacing Aria as queen. Jennette is more obedient than the last two queens, going by a motto of "bound to obey and serve." So it's not surprise that Ceasre chose her to be the lucky wife to bear San Carlos desired prince. The relationship with her step-sisters isn't great either. Giovanna wants nothing to do with anymore step-moms after what happened to her mother and Arabella is still too young to even comprehend what happend to her own mother, leaving Jennette alone with the hope of her unborn child being a boy that could save her from execution. Much to Ceasres joy, Jennette does give birth to a prince Leo, but unfortunately the 3rd queen passes away just 11 days later from child bed fever.

Anne of Cleves-Adelaide Kotrov

A foreign princess from a neighboring kingdom. With a male heir finally secured, Ceasre is encouraged to marry for a political alliance, most princesses reject the offer after knowing what happened to Queen Aria but with the forceful hand of her mother, Adelaide of Kotrov is sent to become Ceasres 4th wife. The introduction doesn't go as well as planned, with Adelaide being visibly uncomfortable and annoyed with her husband's attitude. Since Ceasre can't execute a foreign noble, he never consummated the marriage and divorced Adelaide in only 6 months. Instead of becoming enemies though, Adelaide and Ceasre managed to get along just enough during those 6 months to be considered friends and Adelaide stayed in San Carlo with the reputation of the kings beloved sister. She lives her days with her lover Lionel as her true love and becomes the richest woman in all of San Carlo after Ceasre dies.

Catherine Howard- Rashta Ishka.

Ceasres 5th and youngest wife. A former slave who was saved by another Emperor and worked as a secretary for the Empress Navier. Rashta was never given a proper education so when the work turned out to be more than she could chew, Ceasre took the opportunity to take her with him to enjoy the luxuries of regal life and gave Rashta a title of Viscountess so the nobles of San Carlo wouldn't learn of her true origins. By the time they got married Ceasre was already considerably aged, his daughters have grown and Prince Leo had been getting smarter by the day. Giovanna treated her step-mom with indifference but Arabella and Leo took to their new mother well, giving Rashta a chance to heal from past traumas but her attitude can make it difficult at times as she holds grudges and doesnt easily let things go. Problems would inevitably arise , with unchecked trauma of her past, Ceasre only wanting a spare from her, pushing everyone else that could help her away, yet with her desire to feel seen at the same time. The queen gets coerced and manipulated by another man: Duke Ergi and he takes the chance to screw her over once he got what he wanted from her. Rashta was only queen for a little over a year when she was discovered to have been assaulted by one of her masters leading to a pregnancy no one knew of, and a previous fling she had with Emperor Sovieshu, combined with the rumors that she had cheated on the king, Rashta is beheaded for her crimes. Before her execution she ran after Ceasre, pleading her innocence while being pulled away.

Catherine Parr-Claudine Von Brandt

Ceasres 6th and final wife. Claudine had initially been with a few other lovers but all have either died or left her before the marriages could even happen. When she is told that she has to marry the king, Claudine naturally freaks out knowing the fates of the previous 5 wives who got divorced at best and lost their heads at worst. She learns to live her life with her aging tyrannical husband and becomes a wonderful stepmother to the kids, even Giovanna was willing to give her a chance and accept Claudine as her stepmother and queen of San Carlo after Claudine convinced Ceasre to reinsert his daughtes back into succession. There were a few close calls but Claudine survived her marriage and outlived Ceasre, but only for a year longer...

Mary I-Princess Giovanna

(There's no cannon design for Giovanna yet so I used Athy as a substitute)

The first princess born of King Ceasre and Queen Isabella. Out of all her parents failed pregnancies, Giovanna survived as a healthy child despite being a girl. Her parents treated her well enough until her father had the hots for Aria and divorced her mother. Even after learning the truth, Giovanna still considered Isabella the rightful queen even if she was left with a permanent uneasiness of her mom. For most of her time as princess afterwords, Giovanna is demoted to a lady to make room for Arias baby but despite that, Giovanna is a good big sister and doesn't blame Arabella for her mother's fate especially after the second princess is demoted to lady after Aria is executed. After her father dies, Giovanna went through hell to ensure she'd remain a queen and bring back the influence of the pope even if it means the death of the cousin used as a political pawn and the execution of just under 300 people. She dies without an heir only 5 years later.

Elizabeth I- princess Arabella

Second princess and daughter of King Ceasre and Queen Aria. Poor Arabella was already made a bastard after her mother's execution and lived her life neglected by her father and raised by her older sister. She was named after the 1st queens youngest sister and it's often noted that the princess looks an awful lot like the girl she was named after, almost like she was the reincarnated soul of Arabella de Mare. Her family life is full of nothing but troubles, even after her tyrannical father dies, she's still left in the whims of her sister as their relationship deteriorates when they got older. For years princess Arabella dodged death at every corner until Queen Giovanna passed away, giving rise for the queen no one suspected, Arabella I. She becomes the virgin queen of San Carlo, ending her father's bloodline and granting the right of heir to a cousin when she passes away as the final monarch of the house of de Como.

Edward VI- Leo IV

(Again, Leo doesn't have a design since he's an OC so young Ceasre will be a substitute)

The long sought after male heir Ceasre had been waiting for and the son of Queen Jennette, he takes after his father in terms of appearance too! As such Leo was raised differently then his sisters and was pushed to the bone since he was the only shot they had for a future king of the de Como bloodline. When Leo became king at the young age of 9, he was easily influenced by the adults and advisors in his life to control the country how they wanted to. He's just a kid and already the people think he'll just turn out to be like his father. Despite how much he loves his sisters, they disagree on religion and in an attempt to keep Giovanna from bringing back influence of the pope, he selects a cousin as his heir just before he dies young, he can finally meet the mother he's never known...

Other characters below:

Prince Arthur- Alfonso de Carlo

Jane Boleyn- Mielle Roscent

George Boleyn- Cain Roscent

Mary Boleyn- Larissa De Balloa

Thomas Culpeper- Duke Ergi

[hannahbarberra162]

Not My Monkey, Ch 1.

(Reverse Trope Isekai Reader)

I thought it would be funny to have a reverse trope -- instead of having one Isekai Reader who knows everything, too many isekai readers have already messed up the OP timeline beyond recognition.

I'm still writing all my other works, I just needed to get this out of my system. I don't think this will float most people's boats, but that OK.

on Ao3

Platonic Strawhats | Reader / Jinbei

This chapter's plot heavy, I had to get some of the world building out of the way. The rest will be more fun and silly / some romance / angst later. Also, this is my first time writing most (all?) of the Straw hats. It’s been challenging, so please be kind <3. There’s 10 of them but only one of me.

~~~

“Robin! Another one’s here!” Some kid in a straw hat was yelling right next to you, causing you to wince. You had a massive headache, you hadn’t felt this hungover since…wait. You didn’t drink anymore. You opened your eyes to a sunny day on…a wood boat? You were definitely sailing on open water. Maybe the ocean since you smelled salt… What kind of dream was this? Sure, you had anxiety dreams of drowning but nothing so pleasant .

A disembodied hand grabbed your ankle and held on tightly. It startled you but since this was a dream there was no need to worry. You were kind of enjoying the sun and the water, so what was a hand (with beautiful nail beds, but dry cuticles) going to do? You turned your head to find a black haired boy staring at you inches from your face.

“Gah! Don’t do that!” you said to the boy. He grinned at you and laughed.

“Shishishishi, it’s me! Luffy! You made it!” 

“Made it where?” Were you supposed to know who he was?

“To the Going Merry! You’re our twentieth reader -”

“Twenty third,” said another guy you hadn’t seen. This one was napping against the mast, talking with eyes still closed. He had luscious green hair that you’d want to check out later. You didn’t see any roots showing so either he had dyed it recently or…oh wait you were in a conversation.

“Sounds good, Loogie. I’m not quite following what’s happening.” This was the most complex dream you’d ever had. You’d never been able to interact like this before in a dream. It all felt like real life. You started to wonder if maybe something else was going on.

“Shishishi it’s LUFFY! But you know that! So what was the last thing you read?” The boy was still sitting incredibly close to you and practically vibrating with energy. 

“Um, I read a biography of Catherine the Great. Why?” Luffy tilted his head at your words.

“Is she in Egghead or Wano?” 

“Um, in Russia? I don’t think she’d be called an egghead though.” The green haired guy huffed and got up.

“Gonna be a difficult one. Robin can figure it out. Nappin’ on the other side of the deck,” he said to Luffy, walking away. He looked like he was flexing his back as you watched him retreat. His three swords clacked against each other, making you wonder how practical it was to have so many.

“No, she’s gonna be a great reader!” Luffy smiled at you again. You smiled back, but were very confused. The hand gripping your ankle was still there holding on tight. A breathtakingly beautiful woman with black hair, looking to be growing out some bangs, was walking towards you with her arms crossed in front of her. Even though she exuded radiance, her intense blue eyes pinned you with a stare. She sat down in front of you, keeping her arms crossed.

“Hello,” you said. Might as well be polite in dreamland.

“Hi,” the woman said smiling. “I’m Robin. What’s your name?”

Long ago, you were tired of baristas messing up your name (even though it wasn’t hard!). So when someone asked for your name, you supplied their own back to them. It usually worked out ok, and gave room for some awkward chit chat while you waited for your coffee.

“Isn’t that funny? My name is also Robin.” The woman quirked an eyebrow but kept her smile and nodded.

“Shishishishi two Robins! But what can we call you then? It’s too confusing having two Robins on board.” Luffy rubbed his chin in thought. 

“Interesting thought, Captain. For now, I have a prepared document I’d like you to read. It should answer the most common questions we get asked by Readers.” The woman handed you a scroll. What in the medieval ages was this?

“Robin TWO!” Luffy said, snapping his fingers. You untied the scroll. Might as well see what it said.

“I don’t think Robin 2 is a flattering name,” Robin told Luffy. “Let’s think of other ideas. In the meantime, let Robin read.” The hand patted your ankle. “It’s best if I keep a hold of you until the shock wears off. Saves a lot of time chasing people down.” She kept a hold of you? Whatever. Looking at the scroll, you saw an elegantly handwritten list.

~~~

Frequently Asked Questions - for Readers

Where am I?

You are on board the Going Merry . Franky has modified it so it does not bear complete resemblance to the original ship but it is also not the 1,000 Sunny .

Is this real?

Quite real. This world is as real to us as yours was to you. This is not a dream, hallucination, or simulation.

Am I dead?

We are not sure. It seems to be likely based on the anecdotes of previous Readers. However, there is no way to know conclusively.

Why was I brought here?

We do not know the criteria under which Readers are brought to our world. We believe it has to do with your intense love of “One Piece.”

What happened to my belongings?

It seems whatever you had last in your world is what came here, with a few exceptions. Cell phones, laptops, and other electronics never make it to our world. We have your belongings on the ship, if you would like to have them.

What will happen to me? Can I stay on the ship?

Readers have stayed in our world for 21 days, after which they disappear. We do not know what happens afterward. During your 21 days, you will remain with us on the ship. You may stay in the men’s quarters.

Is there a way to get back to my world?

Not that we know of. We are unsure if you are transported there once again when you disappear. 

Are there other readers?

There is only ever one Reader in our world at a time. The Strawhat Pirates have had the most Readers, though the Heart Pirates and Whitebeard Pirates have had a few as well.

What arc are we on?

The “timeline” that you know has been completely abandoned. With so much additional information and insight into future events, the events of this world have been drastically changed. We are not in recognizable “arcs” any longer.

What about Ace? Thatch? Whitebeard? Corazon? Sabo?

Thanks to the information supplied by Readers, Ace, Thatch and Whitebeard are all alive. Yamato has joined the Whitebeard crew with Ace. We had a time traveling Reader who saved Cora-san. Sabo has been made aware of Ace and Luffy and they have already reunited.

Can I fight? In our experience, Readers are quite weak and unable to fight. If you wish to try, you must first defeat Usopp in an arm wrestling contest.

Note: Please do not bring up our individual histories. We experienced them as real people and do not appreciate discussing them. Thank you.

~~~

You finished reading the scroll and re-rolled it. It addressed some of your concerns, but also had a lot of information you didn’t know what to do with. You handed the scroll back to Robin.

“You should call this the ‘Handbook for the Recently Deceased,” you told the raven haired beauty. You still had your sense of humor even when dead, it turned out. Er, maybe dead.

“That is quite an excellent suggestion, I think I shall,” Robin nodded solemnly and took the scroll with another arm sprouting from her own. You’d ask her about that later. 

“What questions do you still have?” Robin asked kindly.

“Why do I have to stay in the men’s quarters?” 

“Oh, that is not applicable to you. Nearly all of our Readers have been men, usually Torao has the female Readers. You can join Nami and myself in the women’s quarters.” 

“I’m dead then, huh?” You couldn’t wrap your head around the idea, especially when you felt so alive. 

“Robin B!” Luffy shouted from a few feet away. He still hadn’t given up on a nickname for you.

“No, Luffy, I don’t care for that,” Robin said calmly. “That would make me Robin A, which I am not. And yes, you are likely dead.” 

“That’s a bummer.” You’d think about that and deal with your feelings later, this was all too weird to believe right now. You fiddled with the necklace you were wearing. None of this felt real at all. Besides, one of your best traits as a person was your ability to roll with things. You had always been pretty open to change, though this change was…drastic.

“Interesting - few readers express that emotion upon arriving in our world. Readers are usually thrilled to be here with us.” Robin looked like she wanted to study you in a lab.

“Um, so what’s a Reader? Or a One Piece?” You might as well learn while you were here for the next few weeks. 

“You don’t have to be afraid,” Robin said, the hand patting your ankle. “We aren’t going to harm you for your information. We’ve probably heard it all already. We know that we’re a comic and a show in your world. You’re not in danger.” You hadn’t considered that you might be in danger, but you were thinking about it now.

“TWO Robin!” Luffy yelled from across the deck. He’d been pacing and trying to think of a good nickname this whole time.

“Luffy, that is the worst suggestion yet.” Robin frowned. 

“Aw, you don’t like any of ‘em! This is frustrating. Maybe we can just call her Mystery Reader !” 

“Not every reader is a Mystery Reader, Luffy. You can’t say that for -” Robin was chastising Luffy.

“Myst is fine. Short for Mystery.” You didn’t really care what they called you since, you know, you’d be going to the afterlife in about three weeks.

“ Shishishishishi I knew you’d be a good reader, Misty!” Luffy stretched his arms from where he stood to wrap them around you. Misty, sure. That was similar to what you said. What the…was this kid rubber? Add one more weird thing to the pile, why not? 

“What other questions do you have?”

You were gonna put your cards on the table. “Listen Robin, I’ll be honest, I didn’t get a lot out of your handbook. I don’t know any of those people, or any of you, or what this show is. I don’t know why I’m here, I have no information to give you. I watch documentaries and sometimes HGTV. This is like a new employee orientation for a job I didn’t apply to. ” Robin nodded sagely.

“I quite like that phrase - new employee orientation. Perhaps more of a ‘new reader orientation.’ In any event, you’re here with us now, whether you know any information or not. I am going to release you, and you can get settled in.” The hand holding on to you vanished as you watched. 

“Cool party trick.” 

“Yes, they are very useful, though not always appreciated at parties.” Robin stood up and you did the same. You stretched your legs and back as you’d been sitting for a while. Robin was a tall drink of water, you thought. You were average height, nothing crazy. But she was statuesque and slim, making you think of your own body. Sure, you had some self confidence, but as you approached closer to middle age, things didn’t look quite the same as they once did. And Robin looked like a supermodel, graceful and elegant.

“Do I hear the sweet voice of a lovely Mellorine?” said a handsome waiter, holding a glass of water on a tray. He was practically swooning and you’d never met before. A little strange, but maybe he was just enthusiastic. Robin looked at the waiter, who was wearing a three piece suit.

“This is Sanji, our chef. He is also one of the Wings to the Captain.” 

“Oh, sweet Mellorine -” 

“Wait, who is the Captain?” You cut off Sanji, you realized you didn’t know who was running this show.

Sanji’s expression showed surprise. He looked at Robin for clarification, pausing in moving the tray your way to your dismay. You really wanted that water.

“Misty, as Captain calls her, does not know anything about our world. We will all have to introduce ourselves.” 

“Wait, does that mean Luffy is -”

“The Captain,” answered Robin and Sanji simultaneously. That kid?! The one who suggested they call you “Two Robin”? You didn’t say anything so as not to insult their captain or whatever but the kid didn’t look like he could be older than 18. Not your circus, not your monkey. As long as the ship didn’t sink in the next three weeks, it didn’t really matter to you.

“Right, right. That seems…good. Um, Sanji, is that water for me? I’d really appreciate it.” Sanji looked like you’d asked him to senior prom.

“Oh, dear, sweet, beautiful Misty, it would be an honor to serve you this water.” He bowed to you with a flourish. Alright, time to nip this in the bud.

“Look kid, I’m old enough to be your mother. Cut it out. But thank you for the water.” He deflated a little but not for long. 

“Like wine, most women only get better with age,” he said with a charming smile. “As Robin mentioned, I am Sanji, the chef on our crew. Do you have any dietary restrictions?” 

“Oh, I’ll eat anything you make.” 

“Is that so? Truly, no restrictions? Preferences? Allergies?” For all his attempted flirting before, he seemed serious right now. 

“Well, truthfully, I’m vegetarian. So, no meat.” Sanji nodded, smiling once again.

“Not a problem. Do you eat fish?”

“Ah, no. No animals.” You saw a rubber arm going past you as Luffy rocketed himself to your side. Rubber had its uses it seemed.

“You don’t eat meat?!” Luffy yelled into your face, completely incredulous.

“Nope, haven’t in over 20 years.” You moved your head back away from his. Kid didn’t have much need for personal space.

“What do you eat then!?” It was like the kid couldn’t wrap his head around the idea of not eating meat. You shrugged. You’d had this conversation in various forms many, many times before.

“Vegetables, fruit, grains, legumes, things like that.” Luffy furrowed his brow in thought for a moment before it cleared into a bright smile.

“SANJI - can I have Misty’s portion of meat??” 

“No! If she doesn’t eat it, I’m not going to make more than usual.”

“But she’s our reader, you have to make her a portion! Then I can have it.” 

“But if she won’t eat it, I won’t make an extra portion,” Sanji already looked exasperated.

“But I want it!” Luffy was on the verge of a tantrum, you thought.

“No! You already eat all the food! Besides, if she doesn’t eat meat… ” The two of them seemed to be entering into an argument about meat rations, so you’d bow out of this conversation. It was only getting louder as they argued in circles. 

You drank your water and took a look around you for the first time. The ship seemed pleasant, though not very modern. There weren’t any electrical outlets or lights, and not much metal either. It was powered by wind, as you saw the giant sails. Maybe there wasn’t electricity here? You’d ask Robin later. Your eyes wandered up and you saw a giant jolly roger flag, the skeleton wearing a hat.

“So this is a pirate ship, huh?” The fighting made a little more sense now. Not that you wanted to. You’d let them handle that part of the afterlife. It made you a little nervous and you fidgeted with your necklace. A handsome young man wearing overalls and goggles locked eyes with you while holding your hair dryer. The next thing you noticed was that he had the most beautiful, long, luscious natural coils you’d ever seen in your life. It took everything in you not to ask him his wash day routine before you exchanged names. “Hey! That’s mine!” you yelled at him. You were protective of your tools, they were like your babies. The man looked scared for a moment, then apologetic. 

“Sorry, I just got excited. I’ve never seen a machine like this before. What does it do?” He was turning it over in his hands, looking at the barrel. He was holding it like a precious treasure, touching it with care. At least he could appreciate machinery.

“It’s a hairdryer.” Your guess that they didn’t have electricity seemed to have more merit now. Which meant he air dried all that hair every time? Coily King. 

“Interesting! How does it work? Obviously the electricity feeds through the cord, other readers have had corded things before -”

“Usopp! Where’s the new reader? I wanna see if they have pens!” An unbelievably sexy young woman wearing a tiny string bikini came up from below deck, her bright orange hair blowing in the breeze. Was every person on this ship attractive? How did her boobs defy gravity like that? You looked down at your own, hopeful that whatever force was keeping hers up might be helping yours. No dice. 

“Hi, I’m the new reader?” You extended your hand, which she shook. The woman smiled back at you.

“I’m Nami, Robin told me you don’t know anything about our world. So, the way it works here is that everyone pays a daily fee to stay on the boat. It’s 100 Beri a day. That’s how we afford to maintain the ship in tip top condition.” You could smell bullshit a mile away - you’d been working customer service jobs on and off for decades. You decided to play along to see what happened.

“Oh, of course. But how will I get money? I guess I’ll have to sell some of my belongings…” You pursed your lips for dramatic effect. “I know! I have some pens, I could sell those for…what was it you said? 1,000 Beri each?” Nami smiled even wider, a classic mistake. 

“Well, what’s money among friends? And besides, it’s not like you can take anything back with you. We have a lot of reader stuff left on the ship.” You paused, pretending to consider for a moment. 

“Hmm. You’re right. Maybe I’ll just drop them all in the sea. Y’know, like a, funeral. Since, I guess mine’s already happening. Maybe.” You didn’t want to think about your funeral, it had been a nightmare to figure everything out when your dad died. You felt bad for whoever was arranging it, probably your sister. You were zoned out thinking for a moment, and snapped back when Nami said something. “I’m sorry, I missed that. What did you ask me?”

“What kind of pens do you have?” Nami had taken the bait, hook line and sinker. You doubled down.

“I’d be willing to show them to you, for a price.” She raised an eyebrow, then broke it with a sincere smile.

“Welcome aboard! I’m the navigator for the crew, it’s nice to meet you. You’ll be staying with me and Robin, I hope you’ll have a fun time with us. Now about those pens…” You smiled at her introduction.

“Thank you, and I’d be glad to show you what I have. I’ve always got at least a couple on me. Where’s my stuff? We can see what’s there.” 

“Follow me, it’s probably in the crows nest. That’s where reader stuff usually appears.” She started walking toward a ladder that led up to a platform high in the sky. High, high in the sky. 

“Hell no!” you exclaimed. “I’m not going up there!” Usopp and Nami looked askance at each other.

“Why not?” asked Usopp, still holding the hair dryer like it was a puppy he was cuddling.

“I’m afraid of heights.” Not that unusual of a fear, you didn’t even like diving off the 3 meter diving board at the pool. They looked at each other again. You felt like you were in middle school again, asking to sit at the cool kids table. 

“That’s OK, I’ll go get it for you.” Usopp handed you the hairdryer and climbed the ladder. Nice, you got to sit with them. Score one for you. 

~~~ 

The last thing you remembered from your regular life was walking home from work, rolling your train case with you. You always took everything home with you, even though you trusted the salon you were working for. Force of habit after so many years. You didn’t remember anything after that, though it would be ironic if you got hit by a car. 

Usopp kindly carried your things down from the crows nest. It was weird seeing your train case and purse on a wooden pirate ship, like when you saw a Timex in a historical movie. You heard a distant crash and looked over. The green haired guy was fighting Sanji, both of them looked pretty angry. The green haired guy was using his three swords against Sanji’s kicking? Must have strong legs. Maybe all the fighting was with each other. Nami and Usopp didn’t even look up.

“Ooh, what’s in here? Treasure? I’ve never seen something like this before. Most readers have backpacks or purses.” Nami was eyeing your train case greedily.

“No, it’s for my haircutting tools, makeup, manicure supplies, things like that.” You’d been an esthetician for a long time, though you’d done other jobs here and there. Nami threaded her fingers together in delight.

“You’re a hairdresser?! And you do nails?! Big sister, you’re the best reader yet! Most of our readers are in eye-tea. Would you cut my hair?” Oh, she meant IT. Information technology. Made sense, lots of people worked in IT. You’d never really gotten all that good at computers, so that wasn’t something you’d ever pursued.

“I mean, yeah, we can talk about that.” Even in the afterlife, everyone wanted a haircut when they found out you were a hairdresser. “Speaking of, Usopp, you have the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen.” Usopp looked flustered, like he wasn’t used to compliments. That surprised you, he was clearly smart, well muscled, helpful…if you were 20 years younger you’d have been all over him. Or maybe even 10. But he looked like he couldn’t be older than 20 and that really didn’t do it for you. You liked your men with their prefrontal cortex fully developed. Besides, you hadn’t dated for a long time. In fact, aside from Robin, everyone looked really young. You wondered if there were any other older people on board. Even Robin looked like she couldn’t have been older than 35 at the most.

“So, what do you do here?” It seemed like everyone had a specific job on board, might as well find out. 

“Well, I’m the great Captain Usopp, and I am one of the bravest and most notorious pirates on the seas. I’ve defeated -”

“Wait, I thought Luffy was the Captain.” Usopp’s train of thought was paused.

“Oh, he’s the Captain of this crew because I felt bad for him after I single handedly defeated a pirate fleet of 5,000 men. It was easy too, let me tell you the story…” Usopp went off on a long tale about his (obviously fake) adventures on the seas. But he was funny and entertaining and a really good story teller. You touched his arm to pause his story as he was explaining how he defeated a giant with a flaming sword.

“Listen, Usopp, if you ever want, I’ll style your hair for you. Braid out, cornrows, twist out, whatever you want.” You wished you could take a before and after picture for your business Insta, but based on what Robin had told you, your phone hadn’t made it through the…portal? Er, however you got here. You didn’t offer a fade or anything that would have you cut it - it was too gorgeous to cut. 

“Hmm, maybe I’ll take you up on that - I’ve been wanting a new look recently,” Usopp mused. Nami was pouting, you didn’t want to upset her. “Same for you, uh, little sister, I’d gladly style your beautiful orange hair. I’ve never seen a shade like it.” You hadn’t, it was like the shade of an actual orange. Nami was appeased.

“Thank you Big Sis, I’d love to do something with all this.” It looked like she was growing out a bob, and it was in that awkward transition stage. You could help style it a little better, whoever had been cutting it did a good job, just needed a few pointers.

~~~

A little while later and the sun was in its descent. You were still with Usopp, sitting on the deck. Nami had gone off to do some work, saying she’d see you later. He’d told you a few funny stories before he asked to see the electrical esthetician tools you had in your case. He was most interested in the nail drill, asking question after question. At some point, you didn’t have answers for him. You knew the basics of how it worked but your recollection of electron transfer was weak. 

“Dinner’s ready!” Sanji called. Perfect timing, you were getting hungry. Usopp helped you up and you headed to the galley. 

“How many people are on the ship?” you asked. You’d met five of them, not including the green haired man who didn’t introduce himself. 

“There’s ten of us, eleven including you. We’re a small but strong crew.” Usopp flexed his arm.

“By the way, I’m not going to arm wrestle you. I know my strengths, and fighting isn’t one of them.” Usopp looked relieved. “Not that I’d win anyway,” you continued, “you look strong. But I’ll let you handle the fighting.” Usopp smiled at your last statement. You wanted to compliment Usopp when you could, he seemed like he needed it. 

“Oh yeah, I’ve won every arm wrestling competition I’ve ever had. Let me tell you the time when I arm wrestled a giant octopus and won against every tentacle…” You smiled to yourself and walked to the galley together. Entering through the swinging door, you saw a large table filled with nine other people. Well, mostly people. There was also a skeleton, an android looking guy, and a gigantic blue man - merman? And speaking of the merman, holy shit. 

You’d spent time babysitting your nieces and had seen every Disney princess movie that had ever been released in the last 60 years. Their favorites were “Frozen,” and “Moana,” which was the better of the two. You found the polynesian demi-god to be…appealing. At least more than the white bread Cristoff. And that merman looked like Maui had decided to grow a meter and get more muscled. And turn blue. He was huge - maybe 3 meters tall - and you wanted to climb him like a tree. Did that make you a pervert? Maybe, but it was a gut reaction. You weren’t going to act on it. Besides, you weren’t blind, you could appreciate a good looking person when you saw one. He looked like he was around your age, or at least older than the group of younguns you’d met. Maybe the afterlife had its perks after all. 

[rvstyartstar]

"but i thought you said you shipped-"

My honest reaction:

and they swap back anytime they want.

[bethanydelleman]

I once saw someone rank all of Austen's men and of the romantic leads, they rated Henry Tilney last for being "misogynistic." I was VERY confused and had no idea how he could be read that way, especially because he embraces more stereotypical feminine activities like reading novels and picking out fabric. Is there a discourse I'm missing or is that person who made the ranking just stupid?

I believe that sentiment comes from these passages, read in isolation, all from Ch 14:

Where people wish to attach, they should always be ignorant. To come with a well-informed mind is to come with an inability of administering to the vanity of others, which a sensible person would always wish to avoid. A woman especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. The advantages of natural folly in a beautiful girl have been already set forth by the capital pen of a sister author; and to her treatment of the subject I will only add, in justice to men, that though to the larger and more trifling part of the sex, imbecility in females is a great enhancement of their personal charms, there is a portion of them too reasonable and too well informed themselves to desire anything more in woman than ignorance. But Catherine did not know her own advantages—did not know that a good-looking girl, with an affectionate heart and a very ignorant mind, cannot fail of attracting a clever young man, unless circumstances are particularly untoward.

and

"Perhaps the abilities of women are neither sound nor acute—neither vigorous nor keen. Perhaps they may want observation, discernment, judgment, fire, genius, and wit." (Henry Tilney)

If one takes all of this commentary seriously, Henry Tilney would come off quite badly, but it's clear the narrator is being facetious and that Henry is making a joke. Eleanor, who understands Henry's humour, does not take offence at all, and it's very clear that Henry loves his intelligent sister. So no, he's not just looking for an idiot to marry and he also doesn't think women are generally stupid. And as you say, his actions throughout the novel prove that he isn't a misogynist, he even takes pains to make Catherine feel better about her hobby of reading novels by admitting to loving them himself.

Taking what Henry says here seriously is equivalent to thinking Elizabeth was serious when she said she started loving Darcy when she saw Pemberley, a comment that her sister laughs at and then begs her to be serious!

I'm curious though, I did encounter a ranking once that rated Willoughby higher than Henry Tilney, was that the same list?

[fireemblems24]

Scarlet Blaze Ch 15 (Final)

Last one, everyone! After this, I finally get to play Spiritfarer which I got on . . . Christmas 2022.

NARRATION

Last chapter. Finally. Killing so many people in this route is really awful. Especially since you just . . . don't in the other two.

I think the last chapter will take place at the monastery.

Oh, great, does this mean I have to protect Bernie's dad in this route? I hope Rhea kills him, like gets this badass cut scene where she cuts him down for perverting her faith by using it as a propaganda tool.

So TWSITD showed up and is attacking Rhea and the Empire.

They're mostly after the "beasts" (aka Nabateans? Or humans?)

I wish this meant that we teamed up with Rhea, but we know Edelgard would team up with TWSITD first.

Catherine and Rhea got a cool moment together though.

Yep, we have to protect Count Varley, gross.

MAP

No side battles! This final chapter will be super quick, which is nice.

I'm VERY curious what the Golden Deer students say after Claude's moment last chapter lamo.

And if any Lions mention Sylvain :((((

OMG, Ignatz is savage. He only cares about painting the battle. No mention of Claude.

Yuri wishes he could kill Varley instead of save him. Good for him. He really feels more suited for AG/AM/SS/VW than SB/CF/GW.

Well, at least Mercedes mentioned Sylvain. And Ingrid and Annette. Saying they died for what they believed in and admires them for it, since she could never.

Poor Ashe is having a crisis. Still had no idea wtf he's doing in the Empire's war camp. Honestly, this game made him so much more interesting.

Linhardt also has no fucking clue why he's here. I swear he does nothing but complain every map (in a funny way) and wish he was doing literally anything else.

Lorenz is more concerned about his future bc of Claude than worried about him. Man, guy really has no one loyal to him lol.

DOROTHEA & CASPAR C

I swear I did a much better job getting supports in GW and AG.

Caspar has a bunch of books, and Dorothea's horrified by the idea that he'll use them in training.

Caspar plans to read them. Dorothea teases him. Apparently Lin made similar comments.

Dorothea makes him promise not to hurt the books. A woman after my own heart.

Caspar's like, did you know my dad reads! Dorothea's like, yeah . . . how do you think he got his role if he didn't.

Dorothea tells a story about an unlearned commander who studied strategy in books and improved to become legendary.

The only stupid part of this is thinking you can read and understand complicated books in 5 days and become an expect in 5 days. For once, Caspar was the smart one being like, uh, I need more time.

MERCEDES & LYSITHEA B

This support is SB locked, but neither characters are Eagles. It may be the only support like that in the game. But, hey, new Mercie content, I'll take it!

Mercedes comes across Lysithea in the kitchen, trying and failing to cook.

The fruits she wanted to use are moldy though. Lysithea has an idea to use something else for the fruit - a sugar syrup.

Lysithea has dedicated her time to learning how to cook because of how good Mercedes' cooking was, so she credits Mercie for the sugar syrup, which she learned because of that.

Baking also helped Lysithea learn the importance of taking breaks.

Mercie calls her a wizened old grandma, lol.

They arrange a tea party.

SHEZ & LINHARDT A

It starts with Linhardt saying they haven't learned anything about Shez's powers. I wonder how funny this sounds if you get it after the special chapters.

Linhardt says it's find because the war is almost over, so there's less need and chance for the powers to go out of control.

Shez pretty consistently wants to continue working as a mercenary after the battle.

He also seems to have no desire to stay in Enbarr lol.

Linhardt wants Shez as a personal bodyguard. Honestly, not a bad choice.

Then Linhardt says something like "spending the rest of my life with some random bodyguard" and then makes an excuse to leave. so he wants to stick with Shez for life. It's kind of sweet.

EDELGARD & PETRA A

Their only support

Edelgard comes across Petra praying to Bigid gods. In Brigid they pray in nature rather than in churches in Fodlan.

Edelgard asks Petra why she's risking her life in the war because it's bad for Brigid.

So Brigid will only be freed if Petra remains alive.

To be fair, it's because she doesn't know the new leader. Still feels a bit icky for Petra.

Edelgard warns about "tricks" the enemy will use. She really has a beef with anyone using tactics.

Petra just says she's happy to fight and can't run while everyone else remains and fights.

Edelgard says she can't back out, which true, but she could've just not started one. But that's in the past I guess.

Overall, came across better than the Houses one where Petra didn't seem like an equal.

EDELGARD/LYSITHEA/HAPI PARALOGUE

My plan is to have Edelgard and Shez make the other two adjuncts and see if I can't beat the paralogue that way.

It's about TWSITD, which isn't surprising given that character list.

God, I've made SB Shez so fucking stupid. Never understanding anything. It's so funny.

So is this about Cornelia? They found one of her old hideouts.

I had Shez shrug about joining. Hapi got offended.

They're talking about Hubert. I wish he was here. He's my best unit.

I wish Cornelia showed up. She's so fun, but sadly she did not.

They didn't find anything. Hapi was mostly chill about it. Edelgard and Lysithea were more bothered.

Shez could show concern or change the subject. Obviously I made him change the subject since SB!Shez is not intelligent.

CASPAR/LINHARDT PARALOGUE

Like the last time, I just plan to adjunct Caspar and let Shez and Linhardt do all the work.

They're arguing if Caspar saw a ghost or not. Linhardt remains unconvinced.

Lamo, their dads showed up and Linhardt's dad called him a "fountain of positivity" when he brought up their could die any day.

Linhardt is also upset that he has to help.

We're hunting down Empire people who've turned against Edelgard.

I had Shez not want to go lol.

The main battle changed to defeating their dads. I don't think I'm supposed to take this paralogue seriously.

Linhardt had no fun.

Bergliez gave Caspar some gaunlets, and I could either be happy for him or jealous. I obviously picked jealous since it's fun to pick the dick answer lol.

FINAL BATTLE

Why is the S rank reward Edelgard's axe? This is the last battle, right? Is there some post game stuff? Because I'm so ready for this to be done (I don't think I'll do it).

Funny, Edelgard is the one defending the monastery this time, and Varley. Imagine your final battle being about protecting Varley. Ugh.

Only 40 points for the final battle?

Just killed Catherine :(

Cyril just showed up. Rhea's so concerned. Not looking forward to killing a child :((( He died too. This is by far the bloodiest route. I swear no one even dies in AG, and in GW it's only Sylvain's dad.

This can't be it, right? That was too easy. And Cyril as the final boss makes no sense. I'm betting it's a Thales and Rhea fight.

Rhea turned into a dragon. Badass. Glad she was the final boss poper and not Thales.

Spoke too soon. I think they're both here now.

Think I beat it. We're at a cut scene now. Thales is doing magic shit. Rhea attacked him and just ignored Edelgard and Shez like they weren't worth her notice lol.

Wait, that's it?

Rhea pushes Thales off a cliff? So RHEA's the hero??

There's no way they could've survived that - Edelgard. My girl, Rhea is a fucking dragon and Thales can warp. I have bad news from you. Also, Byleth survived a fall too so . . .

What happened to Dimitri? I don't think I killed Claude either?

Is that really it? The war just keeps going. The war just keeps on with no end in sight. Hahahaha. You mean I played how many hours for THAT? I'm going to laugh my ass off if all 3 routes end like this. What a cheap way to avoid killing any of the lords.

OMG. What a stupid ending.

Except for Rhea. She got the big hero moment lol.

I kept waiting for another battle. Esp since there's an S rank reward that's Edelgard's axe, so Idk what's going on.

OMG, this is going to take FOREVER. They're showing the MVP of every single side battle and not just the main ones. I'm only at ch 6.

There was a lot more variety in MVP than I thought. I thought it would be the Hubert show, but it's pretty varied.

Ok, so around ch 10 turns into the Hubert show. I like seeing battle data though, so I sat through it.

Ok, so you get a letter from the person you get a whistle from. Aww, I eventually won Hubert's trust, and he admits he and the army needs us. Glad I picked him.

Wait, no paired endings? That blows. I hope this isn't a new trend since Engage didn't do that either (I love paired endings)

Ok, so it looks like some stuff would carry over to another playthrough on this file. So, in the future, I'd replay AG over my GW or SB playthrough to at least get 2 on the same one. I can't see myself replaying SB or GW. It's not like the story would matter since I could just skip it, but the gameplay is pretty much the same, so why not play the route with my favorites and the most unit choices on top of that?

So you can carry over supports and even unit level. So I could play Dimitri as the absurd level he's at in level one if I saved over my AG file? Because that would be funny. Probably boring. But funny.

Still feels good. One down. Two to go.

xxxx

[lostfirefly]

Life Must Have It's Mysteries (Ch.11)

Welcome to the final! This story may not have gone smoothly, but I'm still glad I took these two on a new journey. Thank you for the likes, comments, reblogs! This part again contains riddles that gave me a headache yesterday :) Sorry, there will still be a short chapter 12, which will be an epilogue to the whole story. It was created somewhere in the middle of Ch. 4. And I didn’t want to overload the current chapter.

English is not my native language, errors may occur. As always, feel free to share your thoughts :) Masterlist is here.

Description: Riddles on the wall! Will our heroes find what they are looking for? Let's find out! Let's go!

Warnings: Fun, fluff, arguing, adventure, inappropriate jokes, swearing (as always). Shitty shit again:)

Words: 3816

Taglist: @gingernut1314, @operationroots, @hey-august, @rorywritesjunk, @yujo-nishimura (I hope you still like it!)

The title is taken from “Life Must Have It's Mysteries” by Hans Zimmer (OST Inferno).

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

“What? Wasn't it supposed to be at Baroque Works?!”

“I don’t know.” Catherine jumped up from Buggy’s lap. “By all indications, it should have been. But maybe it was hidden? Or they were simply deceived by that recording. So that no one would find the treasure.” 

“So what should we do now?” Buggy stood up from the floor.

“Well, these are riddles.” She pointed at the wall. “This is a cryptex. We probably need to guess them, and just type the answers on this thing and that’s it. It's simple!”

“Simple? Are you fucking kidding me?” He rolled his eyes. “Have we ever had something simple? Are you sure you are not wrong?”

“Have I ever made a mistake?” Catherine spread her hands questioningly. 

Buggy crossed his arms. “Should I remind you of the hall where you screamed like a seagull, and we were almost crushed by the wall? Or a cage with those stupid checkers or whatever it was?”

“Hey! I pulled you out of the water while you were sinking like a fucking cruiser. Listen to me at least once in your life!” Catherine rolled her eyes.

“I listen to you all the time. I just... I just don't want you to get stuck in some cage again. The second time you may not be lucky.” 

“But Buggy, I’m sure we’re on the right path! We can't give up right now!” She clasped her hands. 

“Trust me baby, I want to find treasure just as much as you do.” He came closer to her. “But it’s one thing to look for gold somewhere on an island, and another thing among your fucking Egyptian things.” 

“Stop whining! You.. You told so many stories about treasure hunts. How you found the gold. And all I wanted is to share this spirit of adventure with you, idiot. How can you not understand this?” Catherine lowered her eyes to the floor and became sad.

Buggy changed his face when he heard the last line and put his hand on her head. “I told you that you got involved with an idiot. Fine. We can fight later, right? Just be careful, ok? I'm worried about you. Tell me what we will do, my Egyptian girl.”

“I will read the riddles, and you will spin the wheels on the cryptext so that you get the answer. If there are fewer letters than wheels, then look, turn them until this eye symbol is on the edges.” Catherine noticed the worry in his eyes. “Don't worry, you're doing great.” She kissed Buggy on the cheek and handed the cryptex into his hands.

Catherine stood against the wall and rubbed her hands. “Well, Egyptian gods, who will win? Are you ready, my love?”

“Yes.” Buggy plopped down on the ground.

"So.. Let's see. 

From chaos, he rose,  Two twins he composed.  Two beginnings in him flows, The two parts he controls.“

Catherine looked at Buggy, then at the wall, then back at him. She scratched her head and began to walk from side to side, muttering a riddle under her breath. 

“Two parts. Two parts. They always talk about two parts.” Catherine looked again at the slab with the riddle. She took a couple of steps away from her and bowed her head.

“Cotton candy?” Buggy watched her carefully.

“Quiet!” She waved her hand at him. “Two beginnings… Two beginnings. Oh! I know! It's Atum!”

“Are you sure?” He looked at her attentively.

“Yes!” Catherine scratched her nose. “Atum was considered the patron saint of Upper and Lower Egypt. And he also gave birth to twins from his mouth. And he combines the masculine and feminine principles. That’s why they always talk about the number two. Spin the rings, Buggy! Atum!”

“Ok!” Buggy shrugged and began to twist the letters in the right order. “Is something going to happen? I don’t know. Maybe mummies will crawl out of the walls. Be careful that some dead pharaoh doesn’t crawl out of the sarcophagus and drag you away with him.” He chuckled and continued spinning the rings.

“Aren’t you gonna protect me? I can't believe you'd just hand me over to the pharaoh so easily.” Catherine shook her head. “Does it work? The cryptex should probably click.”

“Nothing clicks in this fucking thing. Maybe it's broken?” Buggy was clearly starting to get angry and started shaking the cryptex.

“Wait, I'll take a look.” Catherine walked up to him, put her hand on his head and looked over his shoulder. “Atum is spelled with an A, Buggy. Not with an O.”

He blushed and changed the letters. They heard… nothing.

“So, what is next?” Buggy asked and looked around. “Nothing clicked. Nothing is moving. There is no treasure in sight. Are we sure we're doing everything right?”

“We must do it right.” Catherine gently tapped his head with her fingers. “Let's try again. You're great!” She ruffled his hair, watched as he blushed even more, and returned to the wall. “So. Who do we have next? Oh! Him! Let’s see. 

He grew from the body of the goddess of the fields, Defend two kingdoms and people with shields. The dawn that dispels the darkness, The flower that night closes.” 

Catherine walked away a little, crossed her arms and looked at the drawing. “The flower that night closes. Which flower closes at night?” She looked at Buggy.

“Are you serious?” He stared at her. “Do you think I know?” 

“Well, I don't know. Maybe before you steal another bouquet for me, you talk to the sellers and they suddenly told you interesting stories. A flower that closes at night. Rose? Peonies? No.” Catherine hit her nose with her finger. “Lotus! The lotus closes at night. Do you know what god was associated with the lotus?” She turned half a turn to Buggy and looked at his questioning gaze. “You don't know what god was associated with the lotus. This is Nefertum. Spin the rings.” Catherine ran up behind him. “Here… N.E... Yeah. U.M. You’re great, my love!” She couldn’t resist and kissed him on the head.

Buggy spun the rings and… they heard nothing. They both looked around again.

“Nothing.” Catherine whispered. “Something must happen. What the fuck? Some kind of nonsense.”

“Cathie-pie,” Buggy cleared his throat. “I may not be the smartest person in the world, but there are several riddles on the wall. Exactly as many as there are rings on this fucking cryptex. Maybe this makes some sense?”

“Wait! Shit!” Catherine grabbed her head. “Of course! Do you see? I told you that you are smart! We guess the gods, take the first letters of their names and, apparently, we should get some kind of word.” Catherine took out a notepad and pen and threw it into his hands. “Write down the letters. N and A.” She rubbed her hands. “I'm starting to like it. Oka-ay! The next one.

Flood is strong in this season, Water of darkness, ocean of chaos,  Gathered the council of gods, And support the solar boat.” 

Catherine clapped her hand and started jumping. “Oh! I know, I know! It’s Nun! Write down the letter N, my love. Do you remember I told you about Nun?” 

“Were you naked at that moment?” Buggy giggled. 

“What? No!” 

“Maybe you were half naked?” He tilted his head and smiled. 

“No! Why do I always have to be naked?” Catherine glanced at him questionably. 

“Because at such moments, I listen to you carefully.” Buggy chuckled. 

“Asshole! You never listen to me. And if you do… God, I’m even ashamed to say at what moments you listen to me.” She blushed. “What do we have?” 

Buggy shrugged, opened the notebook and made a note. “So, we have N, A and one more N. Not bad. Who’s next?”

“Let me check.” Catherine shook her butt. “This one! Listen! 

Mistress of two lands,  In Lower Egypt she stands. Life and power bringing, Stability, health, and joy giving.”

Catherine snapped her fingers. “Take a bite, Egyptian gods! Buggy, write the letter W. This is Wadjet! She was more protective of the power of the pharaoh.” Catherine threw her arms over her head in joy and started waving them.

“Ok, my dancing queen. Now we have N, N again, W and A. I like it!” He clicked his tongue. 

“You’re doing great!” Catherine glanced at him over the shoulder and winked. 

“Are you mocking me? What am I doing? I just sit and write down fucking letters.” 

“Do not say that! You're helping me a lot. Don't forget, you are responsible for the power, and now it's my turn to shine.” Catherine adjusted an imaginary crown on her head. “That's it, clown! Do not bother me! Listen!

She’s the sun’s daughter, Who taking all of her water. She’s mother of the stars, Lion-head of all rainfalls.” 

Catherine scratched her head. “The mother of stars. Lion-head of all rainfalls. Yes, the Egyptians were sometimes a little difficult with rhymes. Oh! I know! I know! Buggy, write down the letter T. It’s Tefnut. She was a lioness-headed goddess of the water.” 

Catherine ran up to Buggy and buried her face in the notebook. She ran her fingers over his notes for a long time.

“Oh my God, you write like a five-year-old kid!” Catherine tilted her head, then looked back at the wall and back at the sheets. “Wait! All these gods that you wrote down were somehow connected with water, and also somehow connected with Lower and Upper Egypt. The first pharaoh, whose palette I showed you, united these two parts of the country. It was believed that the homeland Wadjet was the Nile delta and was worshiped in Lower Egypt, Nefertum's lotus resembled the Nile delta. Tefnut is the goddess of water. Atum was the father of Tefnut and was worshiped by both parts of Egypt. Nun is the embodiment of the water element.” 

Catherine began to rush between the wall and the notepad. “I don't understand. I don't understand.” She sat down on the open sarcophagus and buried her head in her feet. “I don't understand.”

Buggy stood up and walked towards her. “Cathie-pie…” He put his hand on her head.

“I don't understand!” She muttered.

“Well, if you don’t understand, then no one will understand. Especially me.” Buggy began to stroke her back.

“I don't understand. Wait!” Catherine straightened her back. “It's wobbly!”

“What?” He glanced at her, removing his hand.

“The sarcophagus is shaking. See?” She jerked her hips several times while sitting on the edge.

“Do not do such movements, please.” Buggy swallowed.

“What movements?” Catherine looked at him blankly. “Oh, my God! Are you serious?! You're disgusting, clown!”

“What? I didn’t do it on purpose!” He reddened. 

“God, I just can't believe you're thinking about such things right now!” She blushed and jumped off the sarcophagus.

“But I.. But I..” 

“But I, but I.” She started imitating him. “I don’t even want to think about how you used to go on such trips. I can only hope that if you went with Cabaji, and he moved his hips wrong, you at least hired girls for… well, you know. Help me move this crap!”

“Do you realize what you are saying?” Buggy rested his hands against the wall of the sarcophagus. “First of all, it’s not my fault that you’re beautiful and sexy. Blame nature for making you this way!” 

“Oh, thank you! I immediately felt better.” Catherine narrowed her eyes. “You should be ashamed, Buggy! We are among the gods! Show some respect!” 

Catherine rested her hands on the wall of the sarcophagus and the two of them began to move it. “A little more. A little more. There!” She dusted off her palms. “See, pervert. You're strong! Scepter?! How did it end up under the sarcophagus?!”

“Don't know.” Buggy looked into it. “Maybe it fell?”

“Fell and rolled?” Catherine said mockingly. 

“What’s your idea? The spirit of the pharaoh came and stole the scepter?” Buggy whistled.

“I’m sure that as always, in a fit of anger, you grabbed it and threw it away and didn’t understand what you did.” Catherine waved a hand at Buggy. She grabbed the notepad and started looking at the letters. She felt him place his chin on her shoulder, reached out her hand and scratched his head. “I’m sorry, I didn't want to grumble.” 

“Yes, in our relationship, I should be the one to grumble.” Buggy said quietly. “What do we have?”

“Look!” Catherine pointed to the floor with a notepad. “There are letters under the sarcophagus. And there are many of them. There is a letter on each slab and they are repeated. See? There are three with T, there are five with E. Something is encrypted here. Letters.. Letters. Wait!” Catherine opened her notebook. “Try to collect Nun on the cryptex.”

“Are you sure?” Buggy turned it over in his hands, looking carefully. 

“No, but let's try.”

“Ok." Buggy shrugged and spun three rings. “So what? What's next? Nothing happens.”

“It'll probably be tickled when we find the right word. These things always click. Try Nut.” Catherine put her hand on his back.

He blushed, but spun the rings. Nothing.

“Wait. We have. N, N, T, E, A, W.” Catherine traced the letters with her fingers.” Nau… net. Try Naunet.”

“But we don’t have U. Or did I write someone down again?” Buggy said with a sad voice. 

“No, no!” Catherine softened her voice and stroked his head. “You did everything right. The goddess Wadjet was at one time written through U. Try it.” 

“But we didn’t figure out one letter. Are you sure this’s this Nau...whatever her name is.” He mumbled.

“Yes, I'm more than sure. She is the embodiment of the water element and the ocean. That's where the water comes from. And that’s why all the symbols here are related to water. Try!” Catherine started jumping with impatience.

Buggy shrugged and began to spin the rings. They both stared at the cryptex. One letter, two.

“...net..” They heard a click. “It worked!!” His eyes bulged. “It worked!”

Catherine, apparently not expecting success herself, stared at him.

“What's next, cotton candy?” Buggy asked.

Catherine was silent for a long time. She looked at the ceiling and at the scepter. “This fucking Amset is here for a reason. God, I'm starting to get tired of him.” She scratched her head. “Look! There's a symbol in the center. It's the eye of King Narmer. Wait, wait!” Catherine took out a notebook. “I remember something like that.” She began flipping through the pages. 

Catherine raised her head, looked at Buggy, broke into a wide smile and shoved the notebook into his hands.

“Cotton candy? Cotton candy! What are you doing?” Buggy watched her every step.

“Quiet!” Catherine stepped on one slab, looking at the ceiling. 

“The king's eyes peeking out through a hole, when you put the puzzle whole.” She stepped on another slab, and continued looking at the stars. “The goddess of water will open the way...” She stepped on another slab. “Stay on the road, don't go away.” Another slab. “The spear will help you find the trease.” Another slab. “Under the stars it found peace.” 

Catherine smiled widely. “It's here!”

“What did you do?” Buggy came closer to her, trying to figure out what just happened.

“I simply stepped on the letters that were close to the bright stars in the constellation Amset.” Catherine jumped on the slab a couple of times. “It's here!” She jumped again and the slab below her lowered. “Oh, shit!” She quickly jumped off and ran up to him.

They both slowly walked to the place where she had just stood and looked there.

“Look!” Catherine pointed with her finger. “We need to go down there.” There's some kind of round slab there. Well, my love! Now is your time to shine!” She giggled and patted him on the back. “We should probably spin that thing.”

“Well, shall we go then?” Buggy winked at her and quickly jumped down. “Come on, come to me.”

“Coming!” Catherine, groaning, swung her legs down and caught herself on the floor. “Fuck, I'm like a cow. Will you catch me?”

“I'm holding you!” Buggy put his hands on her waist and helped her down.

They quickly approached the round slab and examined it .

“So what now?” Buggy scratched his head. 

“Turn it!” Catherine showed a circle with her finger.

“Which way?”

“Wait!” She took out her notebook again. “Look. Do you see these hieroglyphs and drawings? These are their letters, and usually it was read in the direction in which the birds are looking. If they look to the left, then from left to right. And there are small numbers on the wall. Previously, these numbers were used to understand in what order to assemble the sarcophagus. And you see? Here are the gods that we deciphered, they look to the right, then to the left. Apparently, you need to spin it in the order in which the names appear. Look! Nefertum comes first. He was considered one of the main gods. He's looking to the right!”

“Ok.” Buggy rubbed his hands, rested them on the stone ring and began to twist. “Fucking heavy. Why are these things always heavy?”

Catherine came closer to him and put her hand on his back. “You’re doing great! You’re so strong!” She saw him blush.

Buggy twisted the ring, following it, until he heard a click.

“So! There is one!” Catherine glanced at the paper. “The next one was Atum. He is also looking to the right. Turn it to the right! Then we will have Wadjet. She is looking to the left. But if you need some rest..”

“No, I’m fine!” Buggy took the ring and twisted it first to the right until it clicked, then to the left. “I will demand compensation, cotton candy!” Out of breath, he rested his head on the stone. “This is some heavy shit!”

“I promise you, if we find something, you can do whatever you want with me.” Catherine laughed, but noticed the sparkle in his eyes and how he instantly perked up. “Oh, I shouldn’t have said that.” She blushed. “You’re unbelievable, clown! Spin the stone! Right, then to the left and to the left again.”

Buggy giggled, rubbed his hands, winked at her, and began to spin the stone, first to the right, then to the left, and again to the left. They heard a slight rumble and looked around. Catherine felt him grab her hand.

“So, it seems like nothing falls or closes, that’s already good.” She looked around. “It clicked! And look, the center of the stone went down!”

They slowly looked inside.

“Look! There are three serifs inside. Exactly the same as those on the scepter!” Catherine grabbed the scepter and took it apart into three parts. “Put this part here.” She pointed with her finger at the inscription on the stone. “This part there. And this one here." Catherine watched as Buggy put everything in place. And they heard the click again. "The center of the stone! Try to move it." 

Buggy shook his hands and, placing them on the stone, began to move it. "Fuck, it's so-o heavy!!”

“I think thinking about the upcoming sex gives you strength, pervert.” Catherine rolled her eyes. 

“Fuck you! I won't even deny it!” Buggy moved the stone a little more. “Cotton candy, look!” He patted her on the shoulder, and she stared at where he was pointing. “I promise you a great night tonight!” Buggy put both hands into the stone and pulled out a large, the eighty-eight cut shaped diamond. “It's heavy!” He smiled widely. “We did it!” He looked at Catherine's stunned face. “Cotton candy! Hello-o-o!” He snapped his fingers, holding the diamond tightly. 

“I can’t believe it!” Catherine whispered, grabbed her heart and plopped down on her buttocks. “All these gods and mysteries. You and me.”

“You and me.” He nodded, breaking into a smile. 

“Found it?” 

“Found.”  He nodded again and picked her up from the floor. “Honey, I know you're shocked by your first big find in your life, but I think we need to get out of here.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Catherine was still in slight shock as she took out her notebook. She froze for a second, her face creased into a smile and threw herself on his neck. “We found it! We really found it!! Fuck me! We did it!” She began to shake him from side to side, constantly squeling and kicking her legs.

“Yeah, baby!” He kissed the top of her head. “High five!”

She extended her palm and slapped him back. “I won’t just give you a high five today!”

“You dirty little girl, Cathie-pie. Ok! Let’s get out first! I’m afraid something might start falling on us again.” He looked around. 

“Yes, yes! Sorry!” She tried her best to calm down. “Ha. You won't believe it! There is direct access to the surface from here. This is apparently some kind of treasury for special artifacts. Most of the tombs were looted. But I read that Narmer hid a couple of expensive things that he supposedly received from the gods.”

“Are you saying that, theoretically, we have found some kind of gift from fucking God?” Buggy raised the diamond to his eye level and squinted. 

“Who knows! The main thing is that we found it!!” She grabbed her head. “Okay, I need to calm down.” She looked at the notebook again. “So... My love, we go to the left.”

⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭

Catherine rushed around Buggy, tried to do a cartwheel, but could barely lift her legs and plopped down in the middle. 

“Ouch! I’m not an acrobat!” She fell on her back and laughed loudly. “Can't believe it! I found my second treasure in life!” 

“Why is the second treasure?” Buggy put the bag with the diamond on the ground and stretched his back. “Maybe you forgot in joy, but the first time the cave collapsed, cotton candy!” 

Catherine looked at him with satisfaction and broke into a smile. “You're such a fool.” She jumped up from the ground and rushed at Buggy, hugging him with her arms and legs. Out of surprise, he fell to the ground. She found herself on top of him and felt he immediately put his hands under her buttocks.

“Because my first treasure is you. Love!” Smack. “Love!” Smack. “Love, love, love you!” Smack. Smack. Smack. She started kissing him. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” A tiny voice was heard above their heads. “Do you do this at all the pyramids? Don't you know how to restrain yourself anywhere?!” 

They both slowly looked up. 

Catherine narrowed her eyes and put her hand to her forehead to see the silhouette. “The deer guide!”