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wooyunhwa · 4 years

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𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔰 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔰𝔭𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔰 | 𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱 𝔣𝔬𝔲𝔯

check out my pinned masterlist for links to the rest of the parts!

Genre: angst, smut (with plot, but this chapter is mostly plot)

Pairing: mafia au!seonghwa x fem!reader

Word Count: 8.9k

Warnings: blood, violence, torture, lots of angst, poor medical practices

Synopsis: When everything looks hopeless, you embark on a life or death mission to save the man you love.

A/N: I’m simping for my side characters. This is (probably) the last part of this series so I hope you enjoy!! Comments are super appreciated as always! Thank you to everyone who stuck around for the full thing! I hope you enjoyed the ride~

You cracked your eyes open. His face was intimidating, with sharp eyes and an x-shape shaved into one eyebrow, complete with a diamond in the center. His deep blue hair was pushed back impeccably, and he wore a huge leopard fur coat. He looked like another scary mafia guy, and you’d had quite enough of those. Despite his looks, he seemed kind, his expression gentle and eyebrows pinched with concern he surveyed you for injury.

“I’m Hongjoong, Seonghwa’s best friend.”

“Wha- H-how’d you find me?” you croaked, your voice rough and thin from screaming for what must have been hours. “How-how’d you know where-” “Check your pocket,” he said, shooting a knowing glance down at your legs. You fumbled in both pockets, your right hand catching on something small and distinctly metal. You pulled it out hesitantly. “It’s a GPS tracker.”

“But when did he-” You paused, answering your own question in your head. Now that you thought about it, he had plenty of opportunities to slip something in your pocket during the drive.

A small smirk painted his lips. “He told me you were leaving together, and gave me access to the trackers’ locations. He planted one on you, and he has the other somewhere on him. He said I was the only one he trusted in case things went awry.”

A shockwave ricocheted through your brain, and you keeled forward a bit, bringing your hand up to your head, doing whatever you could to dull the pain. You rubbed your temple, acutely aware of the ringing in your ears and the headache you had, presumably from all the crying—or maybe the gunshots that nearly deafened you earlier. Your legs still felt distinctly wobbly, causing you to stumble forward a bit into Hongjoong, who still had an arm poised on your arm to stable you. “Whoa there. C’mon, let’s get you in the car.” He said, concern furrowing between his eyebrows. He gestured towards his black Hellcat. Couldn’t any of these mafia guys just have a Honda or something? “I can’t have you passing out on me. Seonghwa entrusted me with keeping you safe.”

“Wait. That GPS tracker… does it tell you if he’s alive?” you asked, desperation a little too apparent in your voice. Your legs still felt weak and unstable beneath you, and you felt yourself swaying slightly on your heels.

“It doesn’t.”

You winced as another shock of pain shot through your skull. You felt like your legs were a moment away from giving out under you if you didn’t sit down right then. Hongjoong must have noticed the pained expression on your face, because he pulled your arm around his shoulder to stabilize you just as you stumbled into him again.

Even with the pain coursing through your skull and your body giving out underneath you, you could only think of Seonghwa—that he must be clinging to life somewhere out there. For the sake of your sanity, you had to believe he was waiting for you. You couldn’t afford to lose any more hope than you already had—just minutes ago you had been ready to face your execution.

Hongjoong guided you to the car, practically dragging you across the pavement as your legs betrayed you. A second figure came into your line of sight, emerging from a shadow behind the car, and you flinched in alarm.

Your first thought was to panic, but Hongjoong’s calm demeanor told you this guy wasn’t an enemy. He opened the back door for Hongjoong to let you in, standing stoically off to the side. He looked more like a marble statue than an actual person. Aside from his blank, serious expression, his features were sculpted perfectly, like he was a Donatello stolen from a museum. Why did all of Seonghwa’s friends look like models?

“This is Yeosang, a good friend of mine. He’s, uh… how should I put it. I don’t wanna say he’s a hitman, but…”

“I prefer ‘freelancer’ personally,” Yeosang said dryly, almost like it was supposed to be a joke, but his face remained expressionless.

“He’s a champ with a rifle. I’m thinking he’ll be our ace card for saving Seonghwa. If there’s anyone you want on your team, it’s him, so don’t worry, yeah?”

He stepped aside to let you in, and Hongjoong carefully helped you into the seat, giving you a reassuring smile. Yeosang climbed into the driver’s seat, turning the key in the ignition to bring the car to life. You could see the wreckage of the other car in the mirror as you pulled away, tire marks and blood on the dark asphalt.

As you embarked on the road, you felt anxiety tighten in your chest. You had to believe that Seonghwa was still alive, but the idea that he might not be couldn’t help but flood in from the darkest part of your mind. You shook the thoughts away, opting instead to make small talk with your rescuers.

“So... you’re part of Seonghwa’s family?” “No, no, definitely not,” Hongjoong chuckled lightly with a shake of his head. “Our families are, well, you could say ‘allied’. I’ve known him since we were little. We don’t talk often anymore, but when he needs something, he comes to me first.”

“Yeah, I can see why. No one in his so-called ‘family’ seems to be trustworthy in the slightest,” you grumbled through your teeth.

You rolled your eyes at the sudden thought of Wooyoung, who Seonghwa had called a brother. The anger rose in your chest again, and you shoved it down the best that you could. You balled your fists, digging your fingernails into your palms, barely even noticing the sting. You wanted to smash Wooyoung’s head in for what he’d done to Seonghwa, but that probably wasn’t the best game plan, as he definitely had no qualms about killing you instantly.

You talked for a bit longer as Yeosang drove, and it wasn’t long before you reached Seonghwa’s GPS destination. The car skidded though a halt outside a row of fences, making up the perimeter around what looked like an old warehouse. You noticed Wooyoung’s car outside the entrance, along with the other mafia car beside it.

“We’re gonna have to walk from here. If we’re gonna have the element of surprise, we need to stay on the down low.”

Hongjoong shot you a glance from the passenger seat. “Y/N, you’ll stay he-”

“No. I’m coming,” you interrupted. It wasn’t up for argument.

“Look, I promised Seonghwa I’d protect you…”

“I’m coming,” you repeated. You were not backing down, even for a second. You’d been through hell at that point, so you were dead set on it.

Yeosang sighed. “Just let her come. We don’t have time to argue. If Seonghwa’s still alive... it might not be for long.”

“Thank you.”

You exited the car carefully, not even closing the car door behind you in case you could be heard. The silence of the night was deafening, with only the wind blowing faintly to provide you any sort of sound cover.

As Yeosang gathered his gear from the trunk, Hongjoong debriefed you on the plan. It was simple enough—you and him would take the front entrance, taking out the guards as quietly as possible, while Yeosang would take the back. If Seonghwa was still alive, you just needed to distract Wooyoung for long enough for Yeosang to disarm him. That was the plan, at least. You had no idea what to expect when you went inside.

You crept along the fence, following Hongjoong’s hand gestures as you stayed low, using the cloak of the night to stay hidden. You stepped lightly after him, and your heart sped up the moment you laid eyes on a guard standing watch, the hefty gun in his hands sending a clear message he wasn’t playing around. Hongjoong motioned for you to wait, so you froze, watching as he snuck around stacks of rotting wooden pallets for cover.

He disappeared out of your line of sight for a few moments, then reappeared behind the guard with a knife against his throat, and you squeezed your eyes shut, waiting to hear the sound of a body dropping to the floor before opening them again.

You cracked your eyes open, and Hongjoong waved you through, trying not to look as you avoided the bloody corpse on the ground.

“Shit,” Hongjoong whispered, scanning around with a stern, focused gaze. You swallowed nervously, following his eyes with yours. “There must be two on the other side then. We’ll just have to trust Yeosang to take them both out.”

You ducked under the half-open shutter door, following close as Hongjoong led you through the darkness. You could hear your own heartbeat like a drum in your skull, flooding your ears with the sound of your own anxiety. Your hands felt clammy and your stomach twisted as you prayed for the best but feared the worst.

You heard him before you saw him. An agonized scream ripped from his chest, and you felt it all the way down to your bones. Seonghwa. As you ran deeper into the warehouse, you saw him there, arms twisted behind a metal chair and bound with rope, dripping blood onto the dirty floor beneath his feet.

Wooyoung stood over him, gun in hand, turning to greet you as you flew in. He aimed the gun at Seonghwa’s head, giving you a cold smile, a cigarette dangling between his lips.

“Hey, princess. Come to watch the show?”

Wooyoung lashed out, striking Seonghwa across the face with the back of his gun. Seonghwa grunted weakly, spitting blood onto the floor, his eyes heavy with exhaustion.

“Wooyoung, please stop! Please!” you begged, and you felt Hongjoong’s arm in front of you, holding you back. You fell to your knees as he struck again, the sound of steel hitting bone echoing against the empty walls of the warehouse.

“Hongjoong? Is that you?” Wooyoung waved at him cheerfully. “Man, it’s been too long!”

“Put the gun down, Wooyoung. You don’t wanna turn this into a fight.”

“Speak for yourself. Why don’t you toss your gun over here? I’d hate for my finger to slip.” Wooyoung disengaged the safety of the gun with a threatening click.

“Fine.”

Hongjoong slowly placed his gun on the ground, keeping his hands raised as he kicked it over to Wooyoung. It skidded across the concrete, spinning in circles uselessly as Wooyoung trapped it beneath his foot.

“Perfect,” he said, lightly kicking it to the side. He took a long drag of his cigarette, the tip glowing a brilliant orange in the dim light as he inhaled. He blew a thick gray cloud right into Seonghwa’s face, twirling a switchblade between his fingers with his other hand.

The blade stopped spinning, and he dragged it across Seonghwa’s cheek, spilling fresh ribbons over his skin. It dripped down his chin, down his jaw, his neck, bleeding into the collar of his shirt. His shirt had been ripped open, his lacerated chest on display like a gruesome tic-tac-toe board, its white cotton soaked with shades of red.

“Now that I have an audience, I can really put on a show.”

“N-no, please!” you whimpered helplessly as the blade slid across his cheek, drawing a scream from Seonghwa’s lips. “Please, please stop! I’m begging you!”

“Aw, hear that? How cute,” Wooyoung said as he finished the cut, bringing the knife up to his lips to taste Seonghwa’s blood. You felt angry and sick all at once, your stomach churning as you watched the scene unfold. “I wish I didn’t have to kill her. I’d love to have a go with her myself, you know? Hey princess, wanna have some fun? It’s your last night alive, right? I’ll be real good to you, promise.”

“Fuck you!” you spat. You weren’t sure if he was serious or just trying to fuck with you, but you were disgusted regardless. “I’d rather die.”

“Well, that can be easily arranged. Just thought I’d ask, no need to be so feisty.”

Wooyoung turned back to Seonghwa. He held his knife in a way that left two fingers free to pull the cigarette from his lips. He flicked the ash, then smashed the butt of it into Seonghwa’s chest just below his collarbone. Seonghwa let out a pained groan through his teeth, his voice hoarse from screaming. Wooyoung twisted it a few times until it was out, then tossed it aside, leaving an angry red mark against Seonghwa’s skin.

“You know, my father was in a gang. He was a real good guy, though. I still remember him clear as day, even though I was so young. He taught me how to play darts.” He gently trailed the knife along Seonghwa’s skin, caressing with the blade as he spoke. “That’s my strongest memory of him. He got me a dart board for my fifth birthday. I still have that old thing, to this day.”

Wooyoung walked in a slow circle around him, his gun loosely aimed at Seonghwa’s head. You could see the rise and fall of Seonghwa’s chest with every labored breath, like he was on a thin precipice of consciousness.

“We played darts every day. I’d wait all day for him to come home, staring at the door until it finally opened, then he’d pick me up and swing me around. Then we’d play darts. There was one time I swear I almost had him beat, but he was good. He really knew what he was doing.”

Wooyoung gave a sudden slice to Seonghwa’s chest, splattering blood across the floor in a messy line. Seonghwa screamed, throwing his head back in agony. His neck was drenched in sweat, dripping down his skin and mixing with the streams of blood that oozed from his face. You cried out, weeping and sobbing as Wooyoung continued to speak.

“One day, I thought I heard my father coming home, but something wasn’t quite right. I heard people yelling outside, so I got scared and hid in the coat closet. A bunch of people came into the house, and I saw my dad sitting on the couch, his hands and feet all tied up. You know what they did to him?”

Wooyoung stopped, halting in front of Seonghwa, his teeth clenched in a pained smile. “They cut him—“ slice. “Burned him—“ slice. “Carved him all up, like a piece of meat.” Slice, slice, slice.

You squeezed your eyes shut, screaming in horror as the knife found its mark over and over, Seonghwa’s screams of pain mingling with yours in a brutal, sickening harmony.

“They didn’t even stop, not after he begged and pleaded, told them he had a little boy. He was worried about me, even while being carved up like that. He still wanted to make sure I was ok.” Slice, slice.

“Then, someone else walked up. He told them to stop, and I thought it would be over. I thought they were gonna let him go. But instead…” Slice. “He held up a gun, stuck it right against his head, and pulled the trigger. You know who it was?”

Wooyoung paused, like he was waiting for an answer, but Seonghwa didn’t give one. “That’s right. Your fucking daddy.” A deeper, harsher slice. The scream that tore out of Seonghwa’s throat made your whole body go cold, numb, but still you felt every cut on his skin.

“And, you know?” Wooyoung laughed, painfully, like it hurt to remember. “Right before your dad pulled the trigger, my dad turned, and looked right at me. He saw me in the closet, just watching. Sometimes I think I imagined it. I could have, I’m not really sure. It was so long ago.” Slice, slice. Another scream.

“Then… Bang.” Slice. “His head exploded. Just like that. I remember thinking it looked like a cherry slushy. I guess at the time I didn’t have much else to compare it to.” Wooyoung shrugged, then paused, like he was waiting for his audience to laugh.

“Your daddy still doesn’t know I saw him. He thinks my first memory of him is riding home in the car, eating McDonald’s while I cried. He was so nice, too. Sometimes I think, if I hadn’t seen it, I’d think of him as my real dad, you know? God, I wish I could.”

Slice, scream, slice. The floor was covered in blood.

“The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that, after all this is done, he’ll get to feel that same pain, you know? He’ll wake up, brush his teeth, and his son will be dead. He’ll go to bed at night, lie awake, staring at the ceiling, and his son will be dead. Just like that.”

Slice. Hongjoong held you tightly, his warm body around yours, but you felt nothing. Like a nightmare you couldn’t escape, or a movie playing endlessly on repeat in front of your eyes.

“That’s the only way I’ll ever really be at peace. Killing him wouldn’t be enough. It wouldn’t even scratch the surface. Not even a little—tiny—bit.” Slice, slice, slice.

Wooyoung raised the gun up to Seonghwa’s head, gently moving his hair out of his eyes with its tip. “It’s really nothing personal, Hwa. I really think we could have been brothers. You were just born in the wrong family.”

He placed the gun against Seonghwa’s temple, smiling gently, sadly as his finger came around to rest on the trigger.

“No! No, please, god! Please, please, please!” you sobbed violently, thrashing against Hongjoong’s hold. “Please! I’ll do anything, anything! Wooyoung, please—stop!”

“You too, princess. It’s nothing personal. You just happened to date the wrong man. You don’t need to worry, though. I have nothing against you. I don’t want to make you suffer.” He looked over at you, giving you a sympathetic glance.

Seonghwa raised his head, just enough to meet your eyes. He blinked a few times to focus, his lashes fluttering as they opened. You could barely see through your tears, but you could see his warm gaze, like he was telling you not to worry, not to fear, and goodbye all at once.

“No, no! No, please—“

“Bye-bye, Hwa.”

Wooyoung’s finger squeezed against the trigger, and the screams that ripped from your throat didn’t even sound like your own. As if you were a ghost, watching from afar, like your body didn’t belong to you. You were helpless, useless, like a piece of dust against a violent wind.

You couldn’t watch. You couldn’t have this be your last memory of him. You squeezed your eyes shut, the image of Seonghwa’s smile painting the back of your eyelids, his kind eyes, his gentle touch against your skin. His laugh when he was happy, like a naive child experiencing life for the first time.

A scream of agony ripped from Wooyoung’s throat, and your eyes shot open. He clutched his hand, doubled over as he cried out in pain. Blood spilled down his arm like a waterfall, and his gun scraped across the floor, wrenched from his grasp. Hongjoong lunged forward, grabbing it with a hefty sigh of relief.

“That dick. What took him so long?”

“What—what the fuck did you do?” Wooyoung spat through his teeth staggering toward Hongjoong with a look of pure rage. Blood poured from the wound in his hand, soaking the floor in red.

Then came another gunshot, and Wooyoung sank to his knees, fresh screams of agony echoing against the walls of the warehouse. Hongjoong approached him with his arm outstretched, forcing him to look down the barrel of his own gun.

Wooyoung cursed, spitting profanities as he tried to pull himself up, smearing blood across the concrete as it poured from his wounds. He panted, torn between clutching his hand or his leg as both bled profusely. He glared up at Hongjoong, who silently held him at gunpoint.

Hongjoong looked back to you, making a gesture with his head toward Seonghwa. You immediately scrambled to your feet, running to him on trembling legs, feet carrying you as fast as they possibly could. You crouched in front of him, taking his face between your hands, cupping gently as you tried to coax him into opening his eyes.

“Seonghwa! Seonghwa, hey! Look at me!”

He met your eyes weakly, his head barely able to support its own weight. His eyes were heavily lidded, almost unable to keep them open as he struggled to stay afloat. “Hey, hey, Seonghwa, it’s okay,” you comforted, voice soft and low. You wiped his jet black hair away from his eyes, plastered to his forehead with sweat. “Keep your eyes open for me, okay? We’re gonna get you out of here.”

You had tried to keep together yourself for him, but tears spilled over with no indication of ceasing. You had to be strong to keep his focus on you. You were no doctor, but you knew enough from movies that someone who’d lost so much blood was not supposed to close their eyes.

You reached around him to disentangle his restraints, much less skillfully than you had watched him do for you before, keeping eye contact with him the best you could. “You’re gonna be okay,” you reassured, though you weren’t entirely certain of it yourself. “Talk to me, please Hwa.”

“I—I really thought you were dead,” he croaked, his voice thin and husky. “Because of me— I thought you were going to die because of me, I’m so sorry, I—”

His hands fell free as you managed to finally break through the knots. You brought him in for an embrace, squeezing tightly at first before remembering that you needed to be gentle. You couldn’t help yourself, it was like he’d been brought back to life before your eyes. You thought he was dead—you thought you were dead—but here you were, holding him in your arms, feeling his very much alive heartbeat against your chest.

“Seonghwa, stop. Don’t be sorry, please…” You pulled back to make eye contact with him one more, bringing your hand up to his cheek, rubbing away what you could of the sweat and blood from his skin. “I love you. And I’m just glad you’re alive.”

He was probably too out of it to grasp your love confession fully, but you didn’t care. You didn’t care if it was too early for you to admit it either. With all the uncertainty you’d been through up to now, there was really only one thing you knew for certain: you loved him.

“You guys are sweet and all, but we should really get going,” Yeosang’s voice rang from across the warehouse, and you heard the distinct sound of him clambering down the ladder from his perched position near the rafters. “We don’t know how many more of his men might come when they realize he hasn’t checked in.”

Yeosang’s voice had snapped you back to reality. You suddenly became aware of Wooyoung’s pained cries as he held onto his bleeding leg. Hongjoong still had the gun poised against his skull, though he was incapacitated enough at this point that you weren’t worried about him trying to fight back. You had zero sympathy for him after what he’d done to Seonghwa. Hongjoong could have shot him right there and you wouldn’t have felt a damn thing but relief.

“Yeosang, jesus, next time maybe don’t cut it so close,” Hongjoong scolded through his teeth.

“Look, it’s not my fault I ended up having to take out two armed guards instead of one,” he snapped back, slinging his rifle over his shoulder.

Yeosang hurried to your side, helping you hoist Seonghwa up from the cold metal chair. He stumbled into your arms, and you both used all your weight to keep him upright.

You managed a few clumsy steps with him slung over your shoulders before Hongjoong’s voice sounded in your ears. “Hey, guys, uh… what am I supposed to do with him?” he asked from across the warehouse, the barrel of his gun still poised at Wooyoung offensively.

Seonghwa planted his heels suddenly, causing you and Yeosang to stop in your tracks. His body trembled weakly under him as he turned his head to shoot a final glance over his shoulder at Wooyoung, who was still clutching his leg on the floor. “Leave him,” he spat, the spite dripping from his tongue as he struggled to choke out the words. “I’m not like him. I wouldn’t kill my own brother.”

Hongjoong delivered a swift kick to Wooyoung’s stomach, and he groaned in agony, keeling over into the fetal position. “I wouldn’t have been so generous. If you’re lucky your goons will find you before you bleed to death,” he hissed through his teeth, holstering his gun in the waist of his pants, then jogged over to join you by the main entrance.

As you helped Seonghwa into the car, the sky washed over with the faint glow of the moonlight, you couldn’t help but notice the glimmer of tears reflecting in his eyes.

You drove for a while, doing everything you could to keep Seonghwa conscious and talking. He was mostly incoherent, but you kept him speaking about anything you could, arm wrapped tightly around him. Every so often the car would jostle him a bit and he would grit his teeth, hissing at the sting of his wounds. You wanted so badly to take his pain away, but the best you could do was try to comfort him, however little that might have been.

Your attention was pulled away from him as the car finally pulled into a run down parking lot, dimly lit by a neon “Speedy’s Pizza” sign flickering overhead.

“What, are we getting pizza first?” you joked.

“This is the place,” Hongjoong said, completely straight-faced, but there was no way he could be serious, right?

“Your doctor works in a pizza shop?”

“It’s a rough economy,” Yeosang responded, and you also couldn’t tell if he was joking.

“I really don’t like this,” you grumbled under your breath, still supporting your arm around Seonghwas waist. He was a bit more conscious now, able to sit upright in the car on his own, but you felt incredibly protective of him, like if you let go even for a second he might not make it.

“Trust me. He’s one of the best doctors I know,” Hongjoong reassured, shooting a glance over his shoulder from the passenger seat. He gave Seonghwa a glance up and down. “He’s gonna need it.”

You exited the car cautiously, feeling a bit uneasy about dragging a bloodied man through the lot of an otherwise normal pizza parlor. You and Yeosang supported Seonghwa’s weight from either side, his arms draped around your shoulders for stability, as you helped him shuffle his way across the gravelly lot.

Hongjoong directed you towards a back entrance, which opened into a staircase leading down to the basement. It was dark and dusty and sketchy as hell, not the kind of place you’d expect to take someone barely clinging to consciousness and actively oozing blood. There were spiders above your head, and you didn’t even want to risk touching the rail for fear of contracting hepatitis or something. Was that even possible? You clumsily led Seonghwa down the stairs, watching your step in the dim light as you descended.

You reached the landing at the bottom, a single fluorescent bulb flickering in a nauseating strobe above you. A decrepit metal door was your only option, complete with a bullet hole off to one side and paint missing from almost every inch of it. Wonderful. Was this guy some kind of mad scientist from a straight to video horror flick?

The door creaked open ominously as Hongjoong pressed against the handle, and you followed him through. There was a short hallway with doors on either side, and one open door at the very end. Hongjoong called down the hallway as they approached, knocking his fist loudly against the wall to announce their entrance.

“San! Sannie! Yo, you home?”

“What? Who is it?” A voice called back, sounding annoyed. “It’s four in the goddamn morning!”

“It’s Hongjoong, you ass!”

“Hongjoong!”

The voice turned cheerful, and a man came running out of the room with a beer in his hand and fuzzy slippers on his feet. He looked younger than you, with soft, happy features and a bright smile. He was the doctor?

“What the hell are you—oh shit! Hwa, you good?” His smile turned into a look of surprise the moment he laid eyes on Seonghwa.

“What the fuck do you think?” Seonghwa grumbled.

“What happened, man?” San took a swig of his beer. “You look like hell.”

“Can you just shut up and help him?” Yeosang deadpanned.

“Here,” San handed you his beer, which you took without question. “Finish that for me.”

“Uh, thanks…”

San took over your position underneath Seonghwa, carrying him into the room at the end of the hall. You followed after them, looking around in awe at the room filled with gadgets and tubes and trays of sharp things.

Shelves were littered with all different colors of vials and liquids, and things that did not look like they should go together. Bags of fluid that hung from IV stands, empty syringes all over the place, pills loosely scattered around the floor, a giant smear all over one wall. Was that… blood?

There was an old recliner right in the middle of the room, a TV playing cartoons, an end table full of empty beer bottles, movie posters on the walls, mini fridge, and a dart board, which you shuddered at. In the very back corner was a hospital bed, which they carefully laid Seonghwa on. You were no nurse, but this place didn’t exactly scream up to code. You were afraid to touch anything.

“Yeesh, you’re bleeding everywhere!”

“My bad,” Seonghwa gritted through his teeth sarcastically.

“So what happened?”

“Wooyoung.”

“What? How so?”

“He tried to kill me.”

“Well, I can see that…”

“It’s a long story. Can we save it for when I’m, you know, whole again?” Seonghwa winced in pain, delivering a sharp hiss through his teeth.

“Right, right. Hey uh, you. What’s your name?” He glanced over at you.

“Me? I’m Y/N.”

“Hey, nice to meet ya. I’m San. Can you push that tray over here?”

He gestured to a tray full of sharp things. You hoped to god they were sanitized. You rolled it over to him, hearing a crinkle as it ran over a discarded candy wrapper. He put gloves on, which you were thankful for.

“Ok, Yeosang, hand me that bottle of iodine by your head. No, not that one. On the shelf. The shelf!”

Yeosang practically threw the bottle at him once he found the right one, huffing angrily. San caught it, setting it to the side for later as he rustled through his tray of instruments.

“Ok, now…. Hongjoong.”

“Yeah?”

“Go upstairs and get me a pizza. Large, thin crust, extra olives. No mushrooms.”

“What?”

“What? I’m hungry. It’s 4am. There’s cash in that box of granola bars over there.”

“Um, I don’t see any.”

“Under the granola bars. Underneath.”

“What? I—nevermind, found it.”

Hongjoong pulled a couple twenties out from the box, then looked over at you with a nod.

“You want anything, Y/N?”

Pizza? Seriously? Well, come to think of it, you had skipped your dinner plans in favor of flying out the door with Seonghwa in a panic. Then you were kidnapped, rescued, then you saved Seonghwa from being murdered, so you were a little hungry, actually. Not that you truly felt comfortable eating in this sketchy excuse for an operating room, but your options were pretty slim.

“Sure, yeah. Pizza sounds good.”

Hongjoong dragged a begrudging Yeosang out the door with him, and you were left with just Seonghwa and San. San gestured to a rolling stool off in the corner.

“Wanna be my assistant for a while?” he asked, and you nodded and pushed the stool over to the side of the bed. He was filling a syringe from an unlabeled vial, which made you a little nervous.

“What’s that?” you asked skeptically.

“Morphine. Closest thing I have to anesthesia.”

“Wonderful,” Seonghwa groaned.

You took his hand, giving it a squeeze as he rolled his eyes. He broke into a small smile when your eyes met, crinkling into crescent shapes that shined even underneath all the blood caked to his face. You gently stroked the back of his hand with your thumb as San finished threading his IV.

“Any last words?”

“You make it sound like you’re gonna kill me.”

“Hah, maybe.” He saw the concerned look on your face and quickly backtracked. “What? I was kidding. I’m gonna give him this to knock him out before I start the sutures.”

“Nah, just go for it.” Seonghwa said, letting his head fall back against the pillow.

“Alright, sleep tight.” San said as he pushed the morphine through the IV, the liquid running up through the tube into Seonghwa’s arm.

His eyes drifted shut a few moments later, the dose large enough to fully sedate him. You were glad he could rest for a while, able to escape the pain at least temporarily. San pulled back Seonghwa’s open shirt a little more to see what he was working with.

“Yikes.” He quickly glanced at his watch. “Looks like I’m not getting much sleep tonight.”

He sighed as he picked up a squeeze bottle of liquid, dousing it over Seonghwa’s many wounds. The sheets on the bed were toast, quickly becoming drenched with red as the liquid ran off the sides of his torso, rinsing the excess blood to give the doctor a clearer field of view. He hummed cheerily as he picked out which cut to tend to first, dabbing at one with a ball of cotton before picking up a curved needle and a pair of forceps.

You watched in gruesome fascination as he got to work, stitching the edges of the wound together with a careful, precise touch. He definitely seemed to be about your age, if not a little younger, which was awfully young for an MD. He hummed and smiled as he sewed, like he was working on an arts and crafts project rather than a human being. Despite his wacky personality, he was pretty cute. Seriously cute, actually. You thought hot young doctors only existed in the realm of Grey’s Anatomy. Well… if this guy really counted as a doctor, anyway.

“So…” you started awkwardly, wanting to find some way to fill the silence. “You, uh, you’ve known these guys for quite a while, huh?”

“Oh, yeah. I’ve only met Seonghwa a handful of times, but me and Hongjoong go way back. He helped me pay for med school in exchange for patching up his buddies.”

Med school. Oh, thank god.

“Ah, that’s nice of him. Are you still in school, or…?” You didn’t want to offend him or anything, but there’s no way he could have graduated already. He was like, maybe twenty five, max.

“Nah, not anymore. No point, really. Doing it under the table pays way more. Well, that, and I have a few things on my record, so I wouldn’t really be able to get my license anyway. I have a warrant out for my arrest, technically, so this job is perfect! Way more fun, too. More gunshot wounds. Stabs, burns, you know. Fun stuff.”

You didn’t really know what he meant by having a record, but you really didn’t want to know. Especially while he was in the middle of stitching your boyfriend up with a sharp object. While wearing fuzzy slippers. Under a pizza shop. Could this night get any wilder?

He gave you a bright, dimpled smile. “What? You don’t trust me? I’ll have you know I got straight A’s before I dropped out.”

Was that supposed to make you feel better? “That’s… that’s great.”

Hongjoong and Yeosang came back a while later, the smell of pizza permeating the basement with its delicious, cheesy aroma. San had you feed him bites of pizza while he worked, as that was your task as his assistant, apparently. You did your very best not to drip grease into Seonghwa’s open wounds.

It took San so long to stitch up the mess of lacerations that you eventually just rested your head on the side of the bed, nodding off to the sound of humming and the occasional metallic rustling of the instrument tray. You weren’t sure how long you slept for, as you couldn’t really gauge the time from the windowless basement. You felt movement eventually, which jostled you enough to rouse you awake, cracking your eyes open to the sight of a loopy, drug dazed Seonghwa.

“Hey, Frankenstein,” you teased sleepily. San was gone, replaced by a pile of bloody cotton where he’d been sitting. You weren’t sure where the others had gone off to, but you appreciated a little alone time.

Seonghwa smiled a bit and looked up at you with the same sad, sparkly eyes you had missed, except this time they weren’t necessarily drunken, just a bit doped up from San’s sketchy shot of morphine. He took your hand in his, making intense and serious eye contact. "I realized I never said thank you… for saving me."

You chuckled dismissively. You were never particularly great at accepting sincerity. "That was mostly Hongjoong and Yeosang. I forced them to drag me along. Really, Hwa, you shouldn't be thanking me."

"I didn’t mean for saving me in the warehouse."

You cocked your head to the side, furrowing your brows. "Then for what?"

"For saving me. The night we met.”

“I think you still have a bit of morphine left in your system,” you laughed, brushing his hair from his eyes. “That was you, Hwa. You’re the one who did the saving. You punched my boyfriend out that night, remember? Then you took pity on me and let me stay at your penthouse… and uh, some other stuff.”

“I mean, that’s true. I did take pity on you. You were just too cute to resist that night, even through your tears,” he mused drowsily, his eyes trained on your face, glimmering as the memories seemed to flash in his eyes. “You know, I was watching you that night. Even before that piece of shit made a scene. I noticed you, as soon as you walked in. I don’t admit this very often, but I had a little bit of a crush on you.”

You giggled at his cheesy admission, like a schoolboy confessing his love. “A crush on me?”

Heat rose to his cheeks, staining them an incriminating bright red. “I don’t know how to explain it. It’s my job to watch the bar, but that night… I only found myself watching you.”

“That sounds a little creepy, Hwa,” you teased with a smile, giving his hand a squeeze. “But while we’re confessing things… I thought you were the most handsome guy I’d ever seen. Like some sort of walking statue.”

“I hope you still think that,” he quipped, flashing one of his intoxicating, albeit drowsy, smiles.

“Even more so now. If that’s possible.”

His eyes were lidded heavily, still a bit out of it from his earlier dose of morphine, but he looked at you with complete and utter sincerity. “That night, you saved me. I didn’t realize at the time, but meeting you—it helped me see the bigger picture in my life. It made me realize I didn’t want any part of the mafia anymore. You helped me feel like a human again.” He squeezed your hand tightly, his long fingers pressed tightly against your knuckles. “Those months we were apart, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I drank and I tried to forget you, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t. The amount of times I fought myself from showing up at your doorstep… well, there were too many to count.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but you were interrupted by the chaotic clambering of San bursting through the door. He accidentally kicked one of his instrument trays on the way in, cursing loudly as he stubbed his toe, scalpels and things flying onto the floor in a hazardous rain.

“Goddammit, I swear to—Hey! You made it!” He beamed up at Seonghwa from the floor where he was picking up all of his scattered tools, which hopefully he planned on sanitizing.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Seonghwa grumbled, echoing your own thoughts.

“Things were lookin’ pretty dicey for a while there. And the dose I gave you was pretty big, so I’m glad you woke u—I mean, I’m just glad to see you’re feeling better, that’s all.”

This San guy was a real piece of work. Regardless, you were thankful to him.

“Thanks, Dr. San. For everything,” you said warmly.

He stood up from the floor, shoving his instruments back onto the tray with a giggle. “Ooh, she called me doctor. I feel so professional.”

“Where is everyone?”

“They went out to get some air and make a few calls. Service down here is ass. Shit, speak of the devil.”

Right on cue, the old door outside creaked open, Hongjoong and Yeosang entering a few moments later. Yeosang rolled his head, his neck cracking audibly as he gave an exhausted sigh.

“Can I sleep yet? I need at least nine hours a day for maximum accuracy.”

“Is that what it says in the sniper’s handbook?” Hongjoong asked sarcastically, looking just as worn down.

“It is, actually—Oh, he’s awake!”

“Buddy! You alive?” Hongjoong suddenly brightened up, pushing the mound of bloody cotton off the stool by the bed so he could sit on it.

“Pretty sure.” Seonghwa looked at his best friend, giving him a dopey smile. Hongjoong’s relief was palpable. Given how much blood Seonghwa had lost, things could have gone much worse.

"So, Hwa, you have a plan for how you're gonna get out of here? The country, I mean. I wanna let you rest and all, but we’re kinda low on time. If Wooyoung is still alive, then there’s a chance he could find you here. There aren’t very many back-alley doctors to choose from, you know."

"I did have a plan. But after everything, I don't think I can trust any of my old contacts anymore."

Hongjoong paused, bringing a hand up to his chin in contemplation. "I suppose I can set you up with my documents guy for passports, Yunho. He's backed up on requests right now, but I'll see if I can't get something pushed through for you," he said with a cheeky wink. "Anything for my best friend."

Seonghwa smiled. "Thanks. That'd be great."

"In the meantime, I know a guy who can cover your tracks. His name is Mingi, he'll make sure you can keep hidden until Yunho gets you your new identities. You can trust them, I promise. Cross my heart, yeah?"

“Please?”

“No!”

“But I’m horny.”

“You’re injured.”

“Yeah, and horny.”

You gave an exasperated sigh. You’d had a rough week of hopping from hotel to hotel every night, covering your tracks while your fake documents were in the works. You couldn’t leave the country quite yet, and there were eyes everywhere, so you had to be extremely discreet and down low with your every move.

Seonghwa laid on the bed, giving you the biggest puppy dog eyes he could muster. You glared back, but the puppy eyes were brutal, and you could feel your willpower chipping away by the second. He was shirtless from just having showered, and his chest was an art project of lines and sutures like a voodoo doll. A really handsome voodoo doll.

“We can’t exactly go to a hospital if your stitches rip.”

“You can be on top. I’ll just lay here. You’re not gonna rip them, they’re closed already, I promise.”

“Oh, now I have to do all the work?” you teased.

“I was tortured. You should feel bad for me.”

“Oh, you poor, poor thing,” you said, giving a devilish smirk as you straddled him on the bed.

You leaned forward, careful not to lay on him as you pressed your lips to his. You kissed him sweetly, like he was a fragile, delicate ice sculpture, but he wasn’t having any of it. He licked into your mouth, threading his hands through your hair and pulling you as close as he could without disturbing his wounds. He was obviously pent up from not having sex all week, and he raised his hips up to grind against your leg.

You pulled back, shimmying down his body until you were hovering over his crotch. You ran your hand over the fabric of his underwear, feeling the bulge underneath, and he bit his lip in anticipation. You realize how much you’d missed this side of him, the one that wanted you so badly like this. You couldn’t wait until things were back to normal, when he’d be able to fuck you without abandon and have you clawing at the sheets like before. Well, as close to normal as things could ever be again.

He lifted his hips up, allowing you to slide his underwear off. His dick sprang free, and you wrapped your hand around it, pumping the shaft in your fist. Seonghwa groaned, letting his head fall back against the pillow. You missed seeing that face on him, the one where he bites his lip and closes his eyes and does a little frown. He’d been through a lot lately, and you wanted to show him a good time. Gently, of course.

You leaned down, wrapping your lips around the tip, swirling with your tongue as you sucked gently. He sighed as you took him deeper into your mouth, letting your tongue press along the underside of the shaft, squeezing the base in your fist. You weren’t in the mood to tease him, not after it had been so long since you’d last gotten to do this.

You took him in as far as you could, letting his cock hit the back of your throat, eating up his moans as they spilled from his lips. You pulled off, then sank back down, finding a slow rhythm as you bobbed your head. You began jerking his cock as you sucked, hollowing your cheeks as you gently twisted your hand in the way you knew he loved. You hadn’t known him all that long in the grand scheme of things, but you certainly knew how to please him.

His breathy sighs turned into audible moans as you sucked faster, harder, saliva dripping from your lips, allowing your hand to slide over the shaft with ease. He stroked your hair as you worked, not pulling or shoving, just petting. You looked up at him, and beneath the lust in his eyes was something else, something softer, like you were something important beyond words.

You pulled back, smiling as you clumsily wiped a string of saliva from your lips. You were only in a shirt and panties, but you discarded them quickly as you climbed over him. You knew he didn’t want you treating him like glass, but you were gentle as you straddled his hips, lowering yourself onto his cock. He groaned openly as you sank down onto him, his cock sliding into you like a puzzle piece.

You rolled your hips forward, rocking over him in slow waves, keeping your eyes locked on his. Seonghwa’s hands slid up to your waist, holding you as you rode him, encouraging you with his touch. He stroked circles into your skin with his thumbs, and you shuddered, a sensual tingle running down your spine.

It was a different kind of gentleness, not just because he was injured, but it was almost as though you were the one made of glass. Something irreplaceable, something he’d hold on tight to and never let go. Like he didn’t want to let go of you for a single moment for fear of losing you again. And honestly, you felt the same. Like you never wanted to let him go.

Seonghwa’s lips parted as his breaths turned to pants, a sheen of sweat barely gleaming along the surface of his neck. His hands gripped you tighter, and you rocked your hips forward with more intensity. You started grinding in slow circles, gradually becoming faster as his moans grew more desperate.

You rode him to his climax, your eyes glued to each other’s as he tipped over the edge, moaning your name like it was something sacred. You leaned down to kiss him carefully, feeling the heat of his skin and the rise of his chest beneath your own. You laid like that for a while, not wanting to move, but you had to eventually. You slid off and laid next to him, and you snuggled as close to his chest as you could without pressing against his wounds.

He turned and kissed your cheek, and you gave a soft laugh, feeling like time had stopped for a while. Even though your lives had been flipped upside down and you were living on the run like fugitives, you felt strangely content, and you could have laid like that forever, just listening to the sound of his breath and his heartbeat in his chest.

“I like you on top. It reminds me of the first time we met,” he smiled drowsily at your side, turning his head to meet your eyes, still breathing heavily. He still couldn’t turn on his side completely thanks to the lacerations painting his chest and arms.

“I could never forget,” you mused. You remembered how good it felt that night to please him. How completely entranced you were with him—in fact, you still were. Even though you’d been plastered at the time, it lived in your memory like it had happened just yesterday.

He brushed your hair from your face, wincing slightly as his cuts dragged across the hotel sheets. He tried so hard to stay strong, even through the pain. You loved that about him, but you wished he’d just let you take care of him for a while. “It won’t be much longer until we’re out of the country.” He glanced down at his chest and arms. “I should be able to take these stitches out in another week, and Hongjoong got his contact Yunho to push our documents through to the front of his list.”

“You know, I don’t really mind hotel-hopping as long as it’s with you,” you hummed softly, punctuating your words with a gentle kiss. He pressed his lips against yours in return, lingering there a bit longer than usual, almost like a thank you.

“Have you thought any more about where you want to go?” Seonghwa asked.

“Hmm… maybe Italy? France? I’ve always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower.”

“We can go wherever you want. Just say the word.”

You laid there for a while with him, lacing your fingers in his, the image of his sweet smile lulling you to the realm of sleep.

It was certainly something you could get used to.

He stood next to you, handing the security agent his passport. Park Seonghwa. Except you could no longer use that name—from today on, it would be forever wiped from existence, as would yours.

“Thank you, Mr. Choi.”

You handed her yours confidently, flashing her a smile. She smiled back at you, nodding as she motioned you forward onto the plane. “Thank you, Mrs. Choi.”

[epilogue]

It was summer. The sun filtered through the big windows of your Athens apartment, bathing your skin in warmth as you laid next to him in bed.

You’d been settled into your new lives for so long you could barely remember the old ones, but even so, some scars still remained. You traced your fingers along your husband’s chest, feeling every small, subtle rise of the scars painted across it, like a painful map of distant memories you couldn’t erase. Even so, the scars were the only reminder you had of your past lives.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to go to Greece, since I was little,” you said, stroking his head softly.

He brushed your hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear. His eyes sparkled like the stars as he took your image in. He was always sparkling now. “A fitting destination for my goddess,” he praised sweetly.

You nuzzled your nose on his cheek, scrunching it against his skin. “I always thought you looked more like a god than a man anyways, you know that? Ever since I met you.”

You gazed out the window from your comfortable position on the bed, watching the ocean as it sparkled in the distance, lulling you nearly to sleep in his arms.

“Hey,” he said from beside you, snapping your attention back to him instantly. His voice, smooth as ever, rang in your ears like a song.

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

#seonghwa smut #park seonghwa #ateez fic #jung wooyoung #kim hongjoong #tags not working #park seonghwa smut

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achliegh · 3 years

Text

Positive

Month 1

Thank you to: @walking-crisis, @clearsuitcasecookienerd, @blingywitch, @waltzintherain, and @moonofthenight, @onlydreamofmysoul (If I missed anyone who answered my asks please let me know! I know some haven’t answered yet but I am hoping they will)

TW/CW: High school bullies, Coming out to homophobic family, Slurs, Homophobic languages and attitudes, mentions of sex, and pregnancy, teen pregnancy, probably food and drink. Oh! And cigarettes and underage drinking.

Leo and his family belong to: @lumosinlove

This is very long! :)

Chapter 2

The Tests

December 19th, 2015

Cheer practice was a place where Indigo could just lose herself in the feeling of being perfectly balanced. She loved the feeling of flying into the air, clearing her mind when her feet hit Leo’s hands, she trusted him with every cell in her body. He was always there to catch her, never let her fall. That's why today was the day that marked a change.

She still trusted Leo as much as she could but, she was no longer perfectly balanced, her feet hit his hands fully extended and she couldn’t stay. This having never happened before caused the entire team to pause and stare as she started free falling from her perch named Leo. Leo of course caught her with no issues but she was obviously frazzled.

Leo looked at the coach while still cradling Indigo in his arms like she would break if he let her go. Looking at the coach he nodded towards the door leading outside to an ally between the school and gym. It’s where everyone would go to smoke. The coach nodded looking worried. They called everyone's attention to get back to practice while Leo led Indigo outside.

Once the door closed Indigo slid down the wall of the ally and gripped her hair.

“What's up?” Leo sat next to her, resting his arm on her shoulder and acting like nothing was wrong at all. His calm energy made her want to just sink into his side.

“I’ve never been off balance before…” Leo nodded, it was one thing that the coach always praised Indigo for, her perfect balance. Seeing her off was new to him as well.

“Do you think it’s because of the cold you’ve had recently?” Leo was trying to wrack his brain, trying to figure out what possibly could be wrong. She has been complaining about frequent headaches, she said her boobs hurt like a bitch, she has been more clumsy than ever, and her mood changes so easily it's getting scary. “Not to be that guy” He sighs, being on a team of girls has taught him not to ask this question, “Are you supposed to get your period soon?”

He cringes a little and expects her to chew him out for even thinking that but instead she looks at him with pure terror in her eyes.

“What?” She just grabs his arms so tight he thinks her nails are digging in though his shirt. “What!?” He is getting nervous as she just keeps staring at him, her eyes filled with tears for a moment and then she speaks. Just barely loud enough for him to hear.

“I missed my period last month…”

After being excused from practice early, Indigo drank about three full water bottles and Leo casually bought six or seven pregnancy tests from the convenient store. They gave him an odd look and he said he was throwing a baby shower for his sister and thought they would be funny decorations. The real reason he bought so many was because Indigo was paranoid that something would go wrong and she would get a false positive or even worse, a false negative.

After the convenient store stop they headed to Leo’s house, his parents were gone again to follow a wicked storm in New Jersey, so they had the house to themselves. They decided to use the bathroom next to the living room, it was very large and almost never used because Leo’s parents used their ensuite and Leo used his. So if there was anything weird in that bathroom no one would know.

They pulled open a box and read the directions, Indigo kicked Leo out so she could go p-e-e into a cup. Once she was done, she used a Clorox wipe to disinfect the counter and cup on the outside. She put the first test into the liquid for the designated time. Then put the cap on to wait for the result, she did it to two other tests and then called Leo in to wait with her while her heart was beating out of her chest. They sat in the large tub together, Leo holding her close silence falling over the two as they both thought of each possibility. Everything wrong… and right about this situation.

The timer they set was checked every few seconds out of anxiety until Leo took her phone away and set it on the ground. She rested back against his chest, he wraps his arms loosely around her, soothingly rubbing her arms. He would kiss her forehead every once in a while as a way of saying ‘hey, I’m still here’. Indigo was spiraling and he could tell. She was just staring forward trying to keep all the tears in her eyes, one slipping by every once in a while. It would hit Leo’s arm and the guilt he felt would grow with every tear.

The timer went off, Indigo flung herself out of the tub so fast, stepping on Leo’s leg he grunted in pain. He got up a little slower and followed her over to the tests. They looked at each other, then indigo flipped one of the tests over since they laid them face down so she wouldn’t obsessively stare at them.

Positive. Her eyes widened. Her hands shook as she flipped over the next one.

Positive… The next.

Positive. She collapsed into Leo’s arms, completely numb. He caught her, like always. They ended up one their knees facing each other. Leo cupping her face, wiping her tears. He eventually realizes she can’t hear him over her own thoughts, pulling her into his chest, he lets her sob and yell. She thrashes for a moment trying to get away from him but eventually gives up and sinks into him. Like always.

The alarm was still blaring in the background but neither of them cared. Eventually , they pulled away a little and she looked him in the eyes.

“Can we do the rest of the tests?” She was shaking, Leo of course nodded and helped her stand up. They went through the whole process again with the last four tests. Indigo sitting on the toilet with the lid closed as they waited. Leo between her legs letting her fiddly with her hair as she bounced her knees.

The timer went off again and she froze. Leo got up this time to check.

Positive.

Positive

Negative… They both were a little shocked to see the negative symbol. Very confused as well. But it was six against one. They were each laid next to the box they came in and Leo checked the date on the negative one.

Expired. Fuck.

Leo turned to her, still sitting on the toilet looking completely distraught. Her eyes were wide and bright, red from crying. Gnawing on her fingernails she just painted a few nights ago, flakes of white paint rested on her bitten lips. Her other hand was gripping the leg of her shorts, leg bouncing, hair falling out of her messy bun. Leo couldn’t deny how rough she looked.

“Let’s go sit in the living room, yeah?” He holds out his hand for her to take, she grabs it like he's pulling her up front he side of a cliff. It breaks his heart. He leads her over to the soft pleather couch he knows is her favorite. They sit down, Indigo pulls a pillow into her lap and hugs it to her chest. Looking up at Leo asking what to do. “We need to have a conversation, this is your decision a thousand percent, but I know you need to talk about it. Do you plan to keep those cells?”

“I don’t know, my parents will kill me if they find out I’m… I’m” She swallows and Leo takes her hand again giving it a squeeze. “Will they be even more angry if I get an abortion?”

` “I think you need to tell them, but this is your choice not theirs, not mine, not anyone else's, it is your body. You get to decide. Okay?” He is trying to get her to understand that no one owns her body but her.

“Do you want a baby?”

“I have no say either way, I’m not the one having to carry.” He kisses her knuckles and smiles a little, just a sad smile. He wants her to know he will always be there but he knows she doesn’t believe it. “Talk to your parents, maybe that will help you decide? You never know, they might realize how harsh they are on y’all and cut back a little.” It was a stretch to think her parents would back off a little but he couldn’t tell her what he thinks will actually happen. It would scare her too much.

“Okay… Okay I’ll talk to them.” She takes a swallow from the glass of water they left on the coffee table earlier. “Tonight” She then stood up abruptly, putting the pillow back on the couch. “Will you drive me? I left my car at the school.” He nods and is up grabbing his keys before she can even finish her sentence. Walking towards the door, he holds it open for her. They climb into his Jeep and start off towards her house. No music, no talking, just holding hands in silence.

He pulls up to the curb outside her house, both her parents were home as their cars were in the drive-way. Leo kisses her cheek before she gets out of the car. She hesitates for a second still gripping his hand while standing outside the jeep with the door open. She looks at him with her big brown eyes and lets go, his hand falling on the seat. She closes the door.

“Should I wait for you?” He yells before she walks away. She shakes her head and gives him a shaky smile. He nods slowly, swallowing the lump in this throat and driving the twelve blocks back to his house still in silence.

Indigo’s entire family was sitting at the table, saying grace before they ate their dinner. She felt sick to her stomach. She slowly moves to sit in the empty chair next to her brother Peri, she stares at the food on her plate and swallows a lump forming in her throat. This might be the last meal she ever has for her family, she might not always agree with her parents but her family is everything to her, family is one of the big things she lives for.

She feels a kick under the table and looks up at Peri who is sending her a worried look, his head still looked weird from when their parents forced him to shave his head after the whole ‘pink incident’ as her father likes to call it. She doesn’t realize she is crying for the fourth time today until he gestures to her face, her parents are busy taking care of the smaller children to even notice her. She quickly wipes her face and starts to eat, forcing her to stomach the food in front of her even if her anxiety is making her nauseous.

After dinner she is washing dishes with Veridian, he also notices she’s off, but she refuses to mention anything. She just gives him an oddly tight hug and a kiss on his forehead without a word. He stands there confused.

She goes to talk to the twins for a little bit, helping them with their homework. Once they are done, the two get into a petty argument and She just sits back and watches with a neutral expression taking in the fire her siblings have. They look at her and raise the opposite eyebrows, usually she tells them to stop being annoying instead she hugs them both and hisses their cheeks before whispering. “sigan luchando…” Then walks away. Leaving them stunned.

After a couple of hours of staring at her room, knowing she was either going to be locked in it or locked out of the house completely she realizes it's time for the two youngest to go to bed. She goes to their room and sees both already tucked into their tiny beds. Thunder rumbles outside as a night storm falls over New Orleans.

Washing away sins as her mother would say.

She walks into the room and tucks them both in more snuggly and kisses their sleepy foreheads. Then she goes to find Peri, he and her are the closest of the siblings besides the twins. She finds him watching tv in his room. She knocks on the door frame and smiles sadly at him. He gestures for her to come in and sit on the bed. She does.

“Todo cambiará después de esta noche.” She says while looking at the tv, he turns and looks at her surprised, blinking a few times.

“¿Por qué?”

“It just will…” She looks over at him and hugs him so tight, she feels tears in her eyes again, there were more to come and she knows that. “Be good” She kisses his forehead and gets up leaving his room before he can answer her. Closing his door, all she has left is her parents.

She finds them together reading in the sitting room and she stands in front of them, silently waiting for their attention. She knows better than to distract them from their reading. Once they finish their pages and look up at her, the realness of the situation sets in. This is it.

“Estoy embarazada.” Her mother drops her book and her father slams his shut.

“¡Era que Leo no era así! ¡Supe que ese chico era malo en el momento en que lo vi! ¡Has cometido uno de los pecados más imperdonables que podrías cometer! ¿Por qué? ¿Para fastidiarnos? ¿Para causarnos vergüenza y dolor?” Her father stood up, throwing the book into the couch next to his wife, making both women jump. He gripped Indigo by her shoulders and backed her up to the wall so she couldn’t get away. He kept screaming in her face about how she would be a disgrace to the family, how she was a sinner and a slut. Unruly child, delinquent. He was yelling loud enough that some of her brothers were peaking their heads around the doorframe to see what was happening.

Then came the slaps, slapping her twelve times in the name of the Father, the Son and The Holy Ghost. Benign backhanded ten times for Hail Mary. He was acting as if she was his rosary that he threw across the room when nothing was going his way. Her mother pulled him off her. Indigo could feel her cheeks swelling, there would definitely be marks. More embarrassment but need punishment in Francisco’s eyes. Valentina looked down at her, her hard brown eyes showing no mercy, spitting in her face she turned her back. Looking at her husband bubbling over with fury, they make a silent agreement. Walking to the front door, a storm raging in full, she opens the door. She silently gestures for Indigo to leave. Not sparing her another look or another glance.

Indigo looked back at her brothers for a moment, wishing she could take them with her, knowing she can't. She takes a deep breath and walks out the front door, no phone, no clothes besides the ones on her back, nothing. She walks into the rain and is about to look back at Francisco and Valentia, but the door slams before she is even done with her thought.

The walk back to Leo’s house was hot rain and bright lightning. She had a lot to think about, her feet were bare but she just kept walking those twelve blocks. She had a lot to think about, but all she could think about was how she just lost her whole family… All because of a group of cells. Those cells were going to be her family now, and she would love them with all her heart, treat them with respect, there is nothing they would do that would make her kick them put in a storm. When she looked up finally, she was at Leo’s front door. Before she even knocked it swung open and was pulled into Leo’s dry arms. He was her family now. She couldn’t help but laugh a little.

She was free.

#leo knut #sweater weather #coast to coast

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

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Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Two

Words: 4.3K

Warning(s): explicit language, sexual situations, violence, drug abuse, domestic abuse

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Vivian strikes again.

My leg shakes with each tap of my foot as I impatiently wait for her to come through that door. I've been waiting for nearly forty-five minutes.

Maybe I scared her off with pitching a fit over her not telling me about her miscarriages. But I had a good reason to be upset. Addict or not, I fucking deserved to know what the hell was going on.

"Where's your wife?" Amber asks me, glancing at her watch.

"Hiding more kids from me, probably." I mumble and she raises her brows, staring at me for a moment.

"While we wait for her, can you do me a favor?" She asks and I shrug. "Take a few minutes to try to imagine what having kids during the last four years would have been like with your drug addiction. Because you would still have a drug addiction--babies wouldn't have changed that." She points out. "Honestly," she adds. "Close your eyes, and take some breaths, and just use your imagination as to what having children during these last few years would have done to you, and to your wife.

I take a breath and close my eyes, deciding it probably couldn't hurt to try to wrap my head around being a dad right now, especially with as many as she lost...

1984

...I feel Viv's weight shift from me, her eyes closed, a little hum comes from her when she turns her back to me but still keeps close, her feet tangled with mine, her lions mane of hair still spread out over my pillow as well as hers. Despite being half asleep, myself, I tighten my arms hold just under her ribs and pull her to me before my hand slides over her five-month pregnant stomach.

I lull back to sleep, before I'm woken up merely minutes later by the sound of the baby crying and Vivian pulling herself away from me, putting her robe on to cover her naked body.

She sighs under her breath, mumbling something, and I sit up.

"I can go--"

"--No, I got it." She says, dismissively.

"Vivian, are you still pissed at me?" I ask.

"You ditched me on our anniversary and stayed out all night smoking smack and partying with your moron friends."

"I offered for you to come out with us." I remind her.

"I'm pregnant and we have a daughter here, Nikki. One of us needs to remember that." She adds before stomping out.

I roll my jaw and feel a spiteful twinge in my mind.

Perhaps spiteful, perhaps wanting to chase away the guilt of ditching her last night…

I end up in the bathroom, chasing the dragon, curled under my high while hearing Vivian softly sing hymnals to the six-month old…

I assume she knows exactly where I'm at once she's done, because I hear her walk back to our bedroom and, when she usually comes to find me so she's not by herself, she doesn't come looking for me.

1986

"...No, you idiot, not that…" I say to myself, rubbing my forehead, scribbling out the line of lyrics I've been fighting to get out.

The door of mine and Viv's bedroom is soon bursting at the hinges, allowing me to fully hear Pierce crying while Frannie and Johnny come rushing into the room, squealing.

"Hey, hey, hey!" I stop them before they can crawl under the bed. "What's goin' on?" I ask them, slowly hiding the Jack bottle in my bass case.

I spent last night freebasing and I'm still trying to coax myself down.

Frannie looks at me with sharp green eyes, her brown hair knotty looking from wallowing on the living room carpet earlier...Johnny, brown eyes and red hair, just puts his attention on the pissed off Vivian that's stalking her way in here with the baby.

"Um," Frannie starts, trying to think up her excuse.

"Francesca and Johnathan tried to tote Pierce off again." Vivian states, eyeing the two toddlers with daggers, and they slowly sink down to try to use me as a human shield.

"He's a new baby, Viv, they don't mean any harm. They just--"

"--Okay, well maybe if you put the bass down and actually come in here and help me out, you can supervise them while they 'hold' him, since I'm trying to start on dinner." She states.

I glance at the kids and then at her…

"Or you can stare at me like an idiot, too." She mumbles, going to shut the door as she says, "You have no issue knocking me up but won't help me with them once they're out."

I roll my jaw and grab my bottle of Jack, putting my bass back.

What the fuck?

If it wasn't for me writing songs, the band wouldn't have new material, which would mean no new album, which would mean no money--not enough to support her and three fuckings kids, anyway, so she should be thanking me for still wanting to provide for my fucking family. Because anybody else with three kids in two years would be putting a bullet through their skull.

"C'mon, guys," I say to Frannie and Johnny, and they follow me out, Frannie reaching up to grab my hand.

I put old cartoons on the TV while Viv puts Pierce down to sleep once he's drifted off.

On her way out of the nursery, I'm stopping her in the hallway, my hand grasping her arm in a tight hold, roughly tugging her into the guest bathroom, cracking the door.

I've got her against the counter, hand around her throat, gasping little breaths pushing past her lips for a moment as I say, "if you ever talk to me like that in front of my fucking kids again, I'll give you plenty to bitch about." I promise her, lowly, and she just looks up at me and nods.

"Now turn around." I say next and she glances at the door.

"Nikki, we don't have tim--"

"--They're watching TV. Turn around." I repeat and she grins a little, licking her lips and turns to face the mirror.

I'm unzipping my pants, yanking her shorts down and pushing her panties to the side before grabbing a fist full of her hair and sliding it in, tilting my head back and grinning as she makes little whimpers in an attempt to keep from being loud.

We've mastered the art of 'a good time in a short time,' and once we've both had our release, I'm zipping my pants back up, and she's still bent over the sink, hands white knuckling the edge of the counter, hair in her face, bite marks on her shoulders, cum down her shaking legs, trying to catch her breath.

I kiss the place between her shoulder blades, the back of her neck, her hair, my hand getting her hair from her face to look at her in the mirror.

She's looking at me with a little smile, right before, "I'm pregnant again," comes out and shatters my post-orgasm buzz.

My knuckles sting as blood rolls down my fist, glass falling onto the counter, sink, and floor, when I drive my fist past her and into the mirror.

She just hangs her head and I'm getting out, feeling the walls of the bathroom caving in on me.

"Daddy, what's wrong?" Frannie asks as I grab my keys and my jacket.

"Nothing, Frannie. Daddy's going out, alright?" I tell her. "When mommy gets in here give her a big hug." I add, seeing Johnny's too enthralled with Charlie Brown to notice I'm even leaving.

I kiss her head and I'm out the door before Vivian gets out of the bathroom.

I swear the only thing keeping us together is the fact that when divorce is an unspoken thought for either of us, she gets pregnant.

I'm twenty-seven years old and I have a two year old, a one year old, a two month old, and now she's fucking knocked up again?!

How the hell is that even possible? Don't chicks need like six months for their bodies to reset after popping kids out or something? Jesus I married a PEZ dispenser with a never ending supply of eggs.

By the time I get to where I'm going, I already regret it.

Incense, crack fumes and perfume suffocate me as soon as she opens the door in her bra and panties.

Not necessarily in a sexy way--more so in a higher than a kite and disheveled type of way.

Which is perfectly fine with me because I don't need 'sexy' right now. I just need to get outta my head.

Despite that, though, clothes come off, we end up on the living room floor, and instead of smoking a cigarette once we're finished, we opt for more erasure.

"She's pregnant again." I confess to Tansy out of nowhere after breathing out some smoke, my mind getting pushed aside, the crawling of my skin starting to settle.

Blue eyes look at me as I hand it over before her greedy hands snatch it.

"What?" She asks me.

"Vivian's pregnant." I repeat.

"I am, too." She says it so seriously that I look at her for a second, before seeing the very corner of her lips tug for a millisecond.

"You're bullshitting me?"

"I'm bullshitting you." She says, giggling, and

I start ranting about it, my words getting more and more jumbled and lost the more hits of the pipe I take, until I'm not even worried about Vivian due to the paranoia that ensues.

I get home at 5:00a.m….the day after the next. How low do I have to be to continuously go her best friend and my own moronic self pity? I don't know.

I shut the door to the house and put my shit down, nearly tripping when I try to take my boots off.

I'm on Halcions and Jack, and I think they're starting to kick in because I'm fucking exhausted.

I glance at the living room scattered with toys and rub my face.

I get it: "Mötley Crüe, don't give a fuck, fuck precautions, fuck all of it," but come on, man.

How the hell could you be so fucking reckless?

I walk into our room, the lamp on Viv's night side table on while she's got one long leg out of the covers, laying on her stomach, arms under her pillow, the covers falling just enough to cover the tops of her thighs and her ass, her back and the side of her chest peeking out, exposed.

She looks fucking beautiful.

Oh, yeah, that's how the hell I could be so reckless.

I go rinse off in the shower for a second to try to wash away Tans and the drugs...maybe even guilt….

When I'm done, I peek out of the bathroom to see that she's still asleep, and I turn off her lamp and crawl into bed, closing my eyes for a moment.

I feel her move closer to me before her lips are pressing to my cheek, hands running over my chest gently before she lays down, throws her leg over my stomach, and rests her cheek on my chest.

"Are you still mad at me?" She questions softly, and I let out a breath.

"I'm mad at myself, Viv." I mumble.

"Oh." She replies quietly. "I would get on birth control but it wouldn't react well with my Nardil."

"You mean the Nardil you aren't taking anyway?"

She's silent.

"Honestly at a point where I don't even want to have sex anymore because you're gonna end up getting pregnant." I add, gruffly.

"Oh, come on, Nikki." She scoffs, not believing me.

"I'm serious, Vivian. I'm tired of being a fucking baby mill."

"Oh you're the baby mill? You just get your rocks off and I'm the one carrying the thing for nine months but you're the victim here?"

She sits up and glares at me.

"Yes! I am!" I argue. "You have this weird thing with cum that I've always thought was hot but now I'm starting to realize you're just trying to boulder me down."

"Nikki, you've made it very clear that marriage and babies aren't bouldering you down. You still go out and party and do your drugs and your day drinking--you were just gone for over a day...so I don't want to hear, 'you're bouldering me down,' because I'm not. If you wanna leave, then leave." She snaps.

I roll my eyes and she goes back to her side of the bed and turns away from me, before she snatches all the covers away from me.

I'm too tired for it so I just pass out.

1987

"Nikki!" Doc is banging away at my door, making me snarl to myself before capping my needle and hiding it under my pillow.

"What?!" I bark out, going to the door.

I swing it open, naked, aside from stained underwear, to see Vivian and my whole litter of kids.

"S-Surpise!" Viv tries to keep her tone light and cheery for the five kids around her, our brand new girls in her arms.

I don't know how to react except to shut the door in their faces and angrily get my shit together.

I'm out of the shower and dressed in the next hour, taking the smallest hit from the needle I hid, just as a maintenance dose, before I'm heading to Doc's room--where I'm assuming he took them when they realized I wasn't coming back out.

I knock on the door and Viv opens it, looking up at me.

"Suprise!" I mimic how she greeted me earlier, and she scowls at me and goes to slam the door in my face, but I'm stopping it with my hand and shoving it open.

"Daddy!" Frannie, Johnny, and Pierce come running to me and I'm getting down and letting them attack me, wrapping my arms around them. Pierce is nearly two, now, and he's nearly as tall as Frannie.

Dannie is walking cautiously to me, smiling at me and I meet him halfway and pick him up, kissing his cheek as I go over to the little babies Doc's supervising, one a replica of me, the other of Viv…

I lean down and kiss both of them, making them smile and kick their feet, excitedly.

I wasn't there with them when they were born.

I go over to Vivian, who's got her arms crossed, her jaw clenched.

"Does Daddy get a kiss from Mommy, too?" I ask.

"Daddy doesn't have to fuss at mommy for having more babies anytime soon because daddy isn't gonna get to be in the same bed as mommy for a long time." She replies.

"Mommy seems to forget that the last three babies weren't even made in a bed." I reply.

"Do you guys wanna few minutes alone? I can get Fred, Emi and Donna down here to help me." Doc offers and I look at him.

"That's out of character and nice of you." I state suspiciously.

"Despite you being an asshole, your kids aren't." He shrugs and I roll my eyes.

I kiss all of them bye for a couple hours, and put Dannie down before tugging at Viv's hand once Fred and the girls get here...I see Donna and feel guilty…one of the chicks I cheated on my wife with is taking care of our kids…

When we get to a new room--mines so out of wack I don't want Viv to pass out--we do what we do best and in the aftermath, small talk in between breaks of making out, Vivian drops the ball.

"I know you've been seeing her." She tells me out of nowhere when my lips press to her neck, quietly.

My body tenses up.

"What?" I sit up and she does, too.

"There's no need to be shocked that I found out--we both know you wanted me to find out. Why the hell else would you leave letters you two write back and forth with each other, out in our closet where you know I'd find them?"

I just look at her.

"You and Tansy, Nikki." She states, tears in her eyes. "Why the hell have you done this to me, Nikki? She's my best friend?"

Is she serious?

I get out of bed and pull my pants on, ignoring her.

"I'm not shocked, you know, I always knew you'd be a deadbeat husband and a deadbeat dad, just like your father."

I start clapping slowly, really appreciating her performance.

"Bravo, Vivian, really, you should get a fucking award for those tears." I state, fed up. "It's gotta be theatrics because what sense would it make for you to be genuinely upset I've been hooking up with Tansy, when you and Robbin have been seeing each other for two fucking years, now?!"

Her eyes widen, she looks like a deer in headlights...which just confirms it all the more to me.

"How fucked up do you have to be to cheat on your husband with his fucking brother, while pregnant with his fucking kid?" I ask and she takes heavy breaths, obviously trying to get her temper under control. "Not to mention that I'm starting to question if Dannie is even mine being as he looks nothing like me."

She's slapping the piss out of me, tears streaming down her face.

I rub at the stinging hot skin of my cheek and roll my jaw, staring at her a few seconds, before shoving her back to the bed, grabbing her shoulders, getting in her face while shouting, "you stupid fucking bitch, I fucking hate, you ruined my fucking life!"

She's sobbing now, her head turned, mascara staining her cheeks as I push myself off of her and trudge to the door.

"Cheating on me for two goddamn years, you fucking whore, who the hell do you think you are?! I can have kids with anybody, I can have anybody I want, but I fucking chose you and this is how you repay me?! Fuck you! There's a million fucking yous out there!" I throw a bottle at her and it misses by a couple inches and she sits up, trying to stand up as I open the door.

"I'm getting my fucking kids away from you, you fucking crazy cunt!" I call and she's rushing out, wearing my t-shirt to cover herself up, grabbing my hand and yanking me to a halt before I can start to Doc's room.

"You're not touching my kids, Nikki, I swear to God I'll fucking kill you, don't touch my fucking kids! You're fucking stoned!" She threatens me and I turn.

"Oh, you'll kill me?!" I bow up at her and she punches me, her ring cutting my cheek, before she's hitting me again.

She goes for a third time but I block her and shove her down, kicking her as hard as I can in the ribs, knocking the breath out of her.

"Don't fucking touch me, you fucking slut." I smear the blood from my cheek, banging on Doc's door as she crawls a few feet before managing to pull herself up, resting against the wall, coming towards me.

The door opens and I see Emi with Pierce in her arms.

I don't say a word to her, I just grab him and smile at him, bouncing him a little, as I say, "Frannie, John, c'mon!"

Of course they come, not realizing what's happening.

Until Vivian's trying to pry Pierce from my hands.

"Let go of my baby!" She screams at me, trying to bat me away from him while he starts whining.

She hits me with her closed fist in my ear and I lose it, punching her so hard she hits the ground, Frannie and John immediately start crying upon seeing their mother bloody and dismayed.

The door opens more to reveal Doc as Emi looks at me, horrified, pulling John and Frannie back inside before Doc's snatching Pierce from me.

"What the hell is going on?!" Doc shouts as guests peek their heads out of their doors.

It's as if my demons give me the reins back and split, leaving me to look down at my beat up wife, crying, hearing my traumatized kids crying out behind the door.

I just stumble back, my back hitting the wall before I'm sliding down it to the floor, staring off as Doc continues to yell at me...

...I blink, being pulled back to reality, staring down at the floor of Amber's office.

I'm not sure if we had kids by then, if Viv would have stayed or left. I'm not sure why I imagined I would've been with Tansy and not Vanity, why she would have had an affair with Robbin and not Duff...maybe I knew, subconsciously, that us having children at that time would have changed the way everything happened between us.

"I guess it was for the best." I reply to her, finally, looking at her.

"Everything happens for a reason." She assures me. "There is a reason she didn't have any babies in the past four years."

"Okay, wise one, is there any reason she isn't here today?"

VIVIAN

"...Mom, and my brother Jon, my sister Carol, my brother Mark, my brother Bruce, my sister Joan, my other sister Claudia, and that's Matt--you know Matt," he glances at me and I nod, looking at the picture of the family, "And then there's me." He points to a toddler and I grin, looking at him. "My dad didn't wanna be in the picture, which I'm glad he wasn't because I would've cut him out if it, anyway when he left, so…" he shrugs, looking at it another moment. "Alright, let me show you to your room." He wiggles his brows and I giggle as he picks up my suitcase and leads me back down a hallway.

"This is Joan's old room, obviously been redecorated because it's not covered in ABBA and Cher ." He mumbles.

"I heard that!" Joan says from the living room.

"No ya didn't!" He replies, smiling at me, putting my suitcase on the bed. "Everybody's coming over for dinner tonight so you have time to take a nap, get comfortable, whatever." He shrugs and I nod.

"Okay." I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I'm gonna go help my mom and Joan start cooking." He adds.

"I can hel--"

"--You didn't sleep at all on the way up here, Viv."

"Because I wasn't tired." I lie and he looks at me.

"Take a nap." He tells me, moving the suitcase off of my bed.

"Fine." I roll my eyes.

"Love you." He leaves me, shutting the door and I get on the bed, getting comfortable, and wondering what Nikki's doing right now...he's probably shitting a brick.

After an hour, the door is opening and Duff's squeezing my fuzzy sock covered feet, making me laughs and yank my legs away from him.

I haven't slept, but I've rested enough that I don't feel as sluggish.

"You stink." I wrinkle my nose when he lays beside me.

"Onions." He replies. "Joan kicked me out for chasing her around with the raw chicken." He adds.

"And now raw chicken juice is on my feet?" I ask.

"No, I washed my hands." He assures me.

"Okay." I chuckle, rubbing my lips together.

"Who all's coming to dinner?" I ask, next. "Jon, Bruce, Claudia, and my buddy Andy." He informs me. "Matt's coming up to go out for breakfast with me, you, Andy, and Joan tomorrow morning, and later this week we're gonna have a barbecue and you'll get to meet everybody, including my nieces and nephews." He adds and I raise my brows.

"That's a lot of people." I reply, raising my brows.

"Very big family." He agrees.

"It's weird." I say next and he furrows his brows. "Not like that, just...I don't know I'm used to being the only child, no cousins, no aunts or uncles--well, aside from aunt Lily--Nikki's not real close to his family, so we just...we're not really big on family." I shrug. "Well, dad is, he's always wanted more kids and a big family, I think, but my mom didn't so he didn't press her about it since she was ultimately the one who'd be carrying them." I add.

"Do you want anymore kids?" He asks me and I let out a breath.

"I'm not sure…" I trail off. "...I'd like to, but I don't know. I haven't thought about it, much." I lie and he nods.

"Do you want anymore kids?" I ask him.

"I do at some point, I don't think Mandy wants to, though. She says being a step-mom at the age of twenty-five is enough." He tells me.

"Maybe she'll change her mind." I say.

"She didn't want any kids when we first dated, so I think the only reason she's even making leeway for a stepchild is because she loves me."

"It says a lot about her if she's willing to do that, though. A lot of women would've left."

"Yeah, she's cooler about it than I thought she'd be." He agrees. "What did Nikki do when you first told him?"

"He cried." I admit. "Like, a lot."

"That's understandable." He says lowly.

"Yeah, it is." I nod. "He's okay with it, now, though. He's not mad at either of us. I think he's more upset with himself about the whole thing."

It's quiet for a few minutes before I get up enough courage to ask him, "are you happy?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like...you know...our break up, and then you and Mandy are engaged now and I'm pregnant…"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, no, I'm great, Viv." He assures me, sounding genuine. "I don't know, things are a mess and crazy right now but I feel like it's falling into place at the same time, you know?"

I nod, smiling softly…

…I bought it for that moment.

I realized he was lying to himself the next morning at breakfast when he told the waitress to bring him a screwdriver--a triple--and, "just keep 'em coming."

#gateway drug #nikki sixx #nikki sixx x oc #nikki sixx fanfiction

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aquietwritingcorner · 4 years

Text

Comfortember 2020 Day 15: Campfire Word Count: 998 Author: Katie/Ally (aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl) Rating: T Characters: Team Mustang Warnings: Summary: Just another typical evening around the campfire. Notes: Oh look, more “going back to Ishval” headcanons.

Campfire

“You know, you’d think having the Flame Alchemist around would mean that we would have a campfire lit faster,” Havoc said as he settled down on the bench that was next to the fire.

Mustang glared over at him from where he was still squatted down, having just made the second bench. “Would you rather have the fire, or a bench? Because I don’t have to do either. I could make you do all the work.”

“Nah, I’d just pass it off to Fuery,” Havoc said.

“What?” Fuery blinked over at Havoc. “For your information, I was busy helping Captain Hawkeye.”

“Yeah, but you won’t be all the time,” Havoc said with a grin.

“Knock it off, boys, and be grateful we have what we do,” Hawkeye walked over, interrupting the complaining as she did. She was carrying a pot, and Falman was right behind her with a contraption to put over the fire so they could warm it up.

“Aww, but mom,” Havoc whined, teasing her.

“I’m not your mom, but if I was you wouldn’t be getting any coffee,” she said to Havoc.

“Fine, fine,” he said, holding his hands up.

“Is that coffee?” Mustang asked, eyeing the pot.

“It will be,” Riza confirmed.

“Good,” Mustang said. “I could use something to drink.”

“I could use something stronger,” Breda said, coming up and settling next to Havoc.

“We need that for disenfectants,” Falman informed Breda.

“Yeah, I know, but still,” he said.

“You can make it a little while longer,” Hawkeye said with a smile.

A sense of ease was settled over the group. This was a typical night for them on this journey. They were going to meet with some of the elders of Ishval, to work towards ovatures of peace, and a plan for the rebuilding of Ishval. Already there were supplies and a group of soldiers waiting to be used and put to work. All that had to be done, was to reach an agreement with the Ishvalan people.

That was what the team was on their way to do.

But the journey was long, and one can only travel so far in a day. Sitting around a campfire at the end of the day, spending some time stretching legs or taking care of things before you went to bed, it had become part of the routine.

“Hey—Falman,” Mustang said. “Do you still have that game? The one the guides introduced you to?” Mustang asked.

“I do,” Falman confirmed, just finishing setting up the scaffolding that would hold the coffeepot in place. “Would you like me to get it?”

“If you don’t mind,” Mustang responded.

Falman nodded and turned to go get it, although he paused for a moment before he left. “Breda? Do you want to play too?”

The red-headed man shook his head. “I want to finish this book first,” he said, patting a book he had sitting beside him. “I’ll learn the game afterward.”

Falman nodded and went to retrieve the game.

Fuery, meanwhile, had been playing with a portable radio. It didn’t always catch anything this far out in the desert, but there were times that it did. This appeared to be one of those times, and with a cry of triumph, he found some music for them.

“Oh, good,” Hawkeye said as she finished setting the coffee to boiling. “I was hoping for something good tonight.” She sat on a bench next to Havoc and rummaged through a small back, coming up with a hair brush. She reached to take her hair down. “Its nice to have some music.”

Havoc tilted his head back to look at the stars. “Anything is better the Breda’s drunk singing.”

“Hey!”

And easy sort of quiet settled over them then, Falman and Mustang going over the game, learning the rules of it and how to play; the sound of pages turning in Breda’s book; Fuery tinkering with something; Havoc letting out puffs of smoke as he enjoyed a cigarette; Riza’s gently humming as she ran the brush through her hair. It was simply a nice, quiet evening.

When the coffee was ready, several of them took a break to drink a little of it. Breda put his book down and wandered over to the game that Falman and Mustang were learning, asking questions and offering his input. Havoc motioned to Hawkeye to turn around, and he took her brush, gently brushing it back, and working it into a braid. Fuery and Hawkeye started up a conversation about radio stations that they used to like to listen to.

Finally, Falman stood up, stretching. “I think I’ve had enough for one night. You’re welcome to keep playing, sir, but I’m going to head to bed.”

“No, thank you,” Mustang said. “Rest is probably a good thing for me too.”

“I’ll take first watch,” Breda said. “I want to do some more reading.”

“Want me to leave the radio?” Fuery asked him, and Breda nodded.

“Wake me for the second watch,” Havoc said, standing. “I’ll probably be up by then anyway, needing to stretch my legs.”

Hawkeye had gathered her things. “I’ll take third, then,” she said. “It’ll give me some time to clean my guns.”

“Nice braid,” Mustang commented as he held out a hand to Hawkeye, and then looked back at Havoc. “All that practice on your nieces really paid off.”

“Had to do something to pass the time,” Havoc said with a grin.

“I’m sure it will sleep very well,” Hawkeye said, accepting Mustang’s hand. “Thank you, Jean.”

“Hey anytime. Gotta keep my skills up for the future.”

They all drifted back towards their tents, settling in for the night, except for Breda, who settled in front of the campfire instead.

And the campfire burned on merrily, until the morning when it would be put out, only for a new one to be started in a new location the next day, and provide a new place for the team to relax.

#comfortember #comfortember 2020 #team mustang #Roy Mustang #riza hawkeye #jean havoc #heymans breda #vato falman #kain fuery #FMA #Fullmetal Alchemist #fma fanfiction #fma fanfic #Fullmetal Alchemist fan fic #fullmetal alchemist fan fiction

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caspers-chibs-imagines · 4 years

Text

Redemption

Summary

Riley Teller and her son move back to Charming. When Riley returns however, she is faced with the fact that she had to take on her responsibilities as a mom better than before when they are apart of The Sons. Allies are made and maybe a little something more with a certain Scotsman.

I just want to say a huge thank you to all of you that have read and supported my story this far. I’m struggling a lot with my health at the moment. But please don’t worry, this story will be kept updated as much as I can write for it. Enjoy this chapter!

____

Chapter Twenty One

The tension was thick when we all pulled up into the clubhouse to meet with the others. Jax sent me a look and I nodded my head in return. There was something up with the others. I knew exactly what it was when Bobby sent me an apologetic look.

Clay reeved up his bike before pulling out of the lot and we all followed. I was riding next to Filip as Sack wasn’t with us. I looked over to him and he shook his head at me. We both knew that today was going to be a very long one.

We all parked outside of Zobelle’s shop and I cut the engine to my bike. Clay got up from his bike and entered the shop after a small encounter with Jax – earning an eye roll at how sarcastic Clay was being today.

I hang my helmet on my bike and lean back to get comfortable. Chibs’ hand pats my knee and I look at his face. Giving me a reassuring smile before saying:

“Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s goin’ to be fine.”

I don’t reply verbally. I just smile and nod my head before we go back to being silent and waiting for Clay to return. Bobby was the next one to get my attention as he stood in front of my bike, leaning on the bars.

“Clay is gonna pull you pair up in the next meeting.” He informs me and catches the attention of Chibs too. “He found out through Opie.” We all look over to the frowning bastard that leant against his bike. As though he felt our eyes on him, he turned to look me dead in the eye. I shake my head at him before huffing and turning back to Bobby.

“I know you told Jax.” I mutter. Bobby again gives me an apologetic look, but I put my hand over his on my bike. “Thank you.” He raises an eyebrow in amusement at my sudden thanks and I smile. Nothing else is said as Clay walks out of the shop. He throws everyone a box of cigars, expect for Jax and I.

“Chibs,” Clay looks over to us both. “You’re with me and Opie. Rest of you head back to the clubhouse.”

At his words, I look back over to Chibs and he shares my look of worry but also frustration. Without another word to another, everyone rode off. I pulled off from the others as they headed back to the clubhouse. Cutting the engine and swinging my leg over the frame, I took in the sight of the graveyard.

I walked to the familiar headstone and smiled in greeting to it.

“Hey brother.” I sigh as I sit on the grass next to the headstone. Resting my head against its side and placing my right hand on the ground above where my brother would be lay to rest.

“Been a while since I’ve sat here and spoke to you like this.” I continue as I look up to the sky. It was a nice day; the clouds weren’t heavy or darkened. It seemed like Thomas was listening to me.

“I have a son now. Called Tommy. I know, ironic right?” I huff a gentle laugh to myself. “I named him after you. When I saw his little blue eyes and I felt like you were with me there. He is great, you’d love him. Jax adores the bones of him. If I’m honest, I think he just enjoys that he was made an uncle first.” I smiled at the thought of how Jax is with Tommy. He loved him like his own. He always let him say hello to Abel, let him hold his cousin. Letting him gain that connection to his family even more, after I stupidly didn’t come home for seven years.

“I’m prospecting too. Though, with becoming public with Filip I may not last very long.” I look at the inscribing on the stone and sigh. “Hopefully the club can get behind us, though I have a feeling two or three of them might not.” I look back towards my bike when I hear the familiar rumble of a motorcycle. Seeing Bobby pulling up besides my bike and cutting off his engine.

I turn back to my brother’s headstone and stand up. Putting my hand to rest on top of the marble before pressing a kiss to it.

“See you soon, brother.” I whisper and make my way to Bobby.

“Thought I’d find you here.” He greets me and offers a cigarette over. I take it and he lights it for me. Inhaling the smoke, holding it in for a second then exhaling it gave me the small nicotine rush I needed for the day.

“Am I in trouble or something?” I huff as I lean against the body of my bike.

“Just wanted to see if you were okay.” Bobby replies, exhaling smoke from his own cigarette. I shake my head and look down at my boots. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Wouldn’t know where to start.” I sigh in defeat. I take another drag and exhale the smoke. “I mean… I finally have something going for me. I have a great son; I’ve got a partner who adores both me and my son. I’ve got the club.”

“But?” Bobby pushes.

“I don’t know.” I shrug and run a hand through my short locks. “I feel like shit from the past ain’t done with me yet.” And that was the truth. I was getting unsettled by the fact that those loan sharks hadn’t come knocking for their money. Ever since they followed me from Tommy’s school, I haven’t been able to keep from looking over my shoulder.

“Shit has a habit of biting us in the ass.” Bobby chuckles and throws his burnt cigarette bud to the ground. My own following suit. “But you’ll be okay. You’re stubborn. You’re strong. You got us.” I nod my head at Bobby’s words and grab my helmet to put on.

“We better get back to the clubhouse before Clay has us both hung from our ankles.” I joke and Bobby chuckles as I reeve my bike to life.

***

I had been helping out Piney in the office of the garage when Jax rode back in. I stood up from the desk and walked outside to meet him as he got off his bike.

“What’s going on, Jax?” I ask him. He shakes his head and puts his helmet onto the handlebars on his bike.

“Otto got attacked by Zobelle’s men.” He replies, his lips setting into a tight line once he finished. My eyes widened at the news.

“How the hell is the club going to react?” I press as we both head inside the clubhouse.

“Clay’s going to want an instant retaliation.” He responds.

“But that’s too risky.” I interrupt as I start to put the pieces together. “You’re gonna need the votes.”

“I know. Shame I can’t have your vote in this.” Jax frowns down at me. I shake my head and smile.

“You’ll get the numbers over Clay.” I assure him. My head turns when the sound of a Harley rumbles through the lot. Seeing Filip pulling up into the lot made some of the worries on my shoulders fade – but they still lingered when I remembered the club meeting that would be tonight.

“Convince your old man to be on our side.” Jax pats me on the shoulder before he walks over to where Bobby had been sitting.

I walk across the lot, watching as Filip pulled his bike up alongside my own. He didn’t look up at me at first as he cut off the engine, but once I was only a couple steps away he smiled up at me.

“You alright?” I ask him, coming to a stop just in front of his bike. He removes his helmet and tosses it to me. I catch it and put it on his handlebar as he gets off the back of the bike.

“Was fine. Then Opie opened his mouth.” He scowled as he came to wrap his arms around my midsection. Pulling me into his embrace and his lips pressing to my own. My hands came up to rest on his shoulders as I returned his affection. When he pulls away I raise an eyebrow at him.

“Can’t I kiss my woman?” He grins and I roll my eyes at him before pecking his lips again.

“Did you hear about Otto?” I ask him and he responds with a nod.

“Clay got a call after we finished talking to Oswald.” He replies and we pull away to start walking back to the garage. Piney had returned back into the garage itself to speak with one of the guys, so it was just the pair of us in the office.

“Zobelle isn’t messing around. But if we lash out in response, god knows what will happen.” I tell him. Filip collapses onto the chair behind the desk and reaches for my hand, pulling me so that I sat on the desk in front of him.

“Jax doesn’t want to retaliate?” He asks as his thumbs rub against my jeans along my thigh.

“I don’t think we should. But I don’t get a vote in this.” I reply and he looks up at me. My hand subconsciously reaches out and cups his cheeks. My thumbs tracing the scars that lined each of his cheeks. Filip inhales deeply as he closes his eyes at my touch.

I really wanted to retaliate against Zobelle – especially after he hurt my mom. I’ve wanted to put a bullet through the man’s skull the moment I had saw her cry. But I needed to support Jax in this situation. I had to follow my brother so that the club could go back to the ideal that our father had for it and somehow get out of the gun business.

“I’ll back Jackie boy.” Filip tells me and reaches up to take my hands from his face. Holding them in my lap after he had kissed the backs of them.

***

“Mommy!” Tommy cheers as the elevator opens, he runs towards me as I step out with Jax. I catch him in my arms and hold onto him as he giggles. “Grandma hit aunty Tara.”

“She what?” Jax demands as he looks at Tommy. Jax takes off to find Tara as I look at Tommy in surprise.

“Where’s Grandma now?” I ask him when I don’t see mom anywhere in the waiting area.

“She said I had to stay with aunty Tara. Then she left.” Tommy explains and frowns. “Am I in trouble with uncle Jax?”

“No baby.” I reassure him and brush his hair off his face. “He is just worried, that’s all.” I put him down on his own feet and take his hand. I look at Tommy’s hair and realise that he could really use with a haircut.

“How about we go get a haircut today?” I ask him and he nods his head with a smile. He quickly runs back over to his bag and picks it up along with his teddy, Toby.

***

The ride to the barbers was fun with Tommy cheering the entire time. He really loved riding the motorcycle. When I pulled up, I noticed Clay, Tig and Opie were here too. Looking inside and seeing the trio, I decided to distract Tommy from the barbers.

“Do you want ice cream, bud?” I ask him as I point to the ice cream truck just down the road. When he nods his head, we get off the bike – but the trio were walking out of the barbers.

“Hi uncle Tig!” Tommy waves, but he is ignored by the man as he was looking across the street. Turning my head, I was quick to clock onto Zobelle’s thugs standing there. I pulled Tommy closer to me and looked back at the three men. Opie had saw them and had began walking towards them.

“Tommy stay here.” I demand as I put Tommy back on the bike. I quickly catch up to Opie and put my hands on his chest.

“Opie, stop!” I shout as he tries to push past me. Each time he stepped away I was quick to get back in front of him. “Ope! You can’t just be starting fights!” I yell again, only for him to ignore me. I look to the left to see Jax riding up behind me. He hops off his bike and makes Opie come to a standstill. I move away from Opie just as Zobelle’s right hand man pushes Jax’s bike over.

“Son of a bitch!” Jax shouts and then swings for the guy. I step back when the brawl begins and head back over to Tommy. He was watching the chaos and I could see he was getting upset. I hug him into me and turn my head to Clay.

“Happy now?!” I shout at him and he glares daggers into my skull. I don’t look away until Hale pulls up with some other deputies to start arresting the ones in the fight.

“Mommy, why did uncle Jax hit the man?” Tommy asks me as he looks up to me with tear brimmed eyes. I look where Jax was being put into a cruiser and shake my head.

“I’m not sure baby.”

***

“What do you mean they have footage of me?” I demand. After the street brawl, I had returned back to the clubhouse with Tommy and mom. Mom had been the other side of the mess and when she saw us, she was quick to come over. Jax and Clay were released not long ago with the others and now I was standing in the clubhouse at the bar. Whilst my brother told me about Hale having a disc with my face as evidence on the explosion at one of Darby’s meth labs.

“They gave Hale the disc, but Hale seems to see things our way.” Jax tells me and I run a hand through my hair.

“Fuck.” I sigh and look over at Tommy and Filip playing on the pool table. “Where is it?” I ask Jax.

“I’ve got it. Gave it to Juice to wipe.” He reassures me. I nod my head. The settling worry of what could have happened if Hale had been on Zobelle’s side. I could have risked my entire life and the thought of losing Tommy made my heart bleed. I won’t lose my son.

“Look, Clay isn’t going to bring up you and Chibs in the meeting.” Jax tells me and I frown up at him. “I think he is more focused on the retaliation at the moment. But just talk to the guys and make sure that they’re on your side with this. It’s bound to come up sooner or later.”

“Yeah, I will.” I sigh and look back at Tommy.

“Let’s go!” Clay calls as he walks through the clubhouse to the chapel. Jax taps my shoulder and head into the chapel. Filip high fives Tommy before he enters the chapel too. Because it was a committee vote, I had to stay out the chapel for now. I walk over to join Tommy at the pool table as he rolled the white ball across the table.

“Want to play mommy?” Tommy asks as I stand next to him and nod my head in response.

We spend another five minutes playing pool, aka me trying to practise my shots for when I play with the others and Tommy rolling the ball and cheating as a child does. The worry of the disc was still plaguing my mind – now being added to it was the possibility of having to retaliate against Zobelle. Which could be bloody.

“Mommy?” I look down to my left to see Tommy looking up at me, his head tilted to the left.

“Sorry baby.” I apologise as I realise I let my thoughts get the best of me. I look down at him again and my chest pulls as I worry about the thought of him being taken from me. Could I keep doing this? In supporting Jax, I risked my whole world. But coming back into this world, I didn’t have an escape. I need the help of the club and Jax needs my help. I need to be careful with whatever the decision is.

“Tommy.” I say as I kneel down to match the height of my son. His attention turns to me as I put my hands on his shoulders. “You know that mommy loves you and I would never let anything happen to you.”

“Yeah. Mommy is a superhero. Like Wonder Woman!” Tommy replies. Beaming with his usual joyous smile, he looked at me. A smile made its way onto my lips after his words.

“I don’t think I can compare to her sweetheart.” I ruffle his hair up before standing back onto the heels of my feet. I turn as the chapel doors open and everyone starts to file out. Jax and Filip come over to me and Tommy – Tommy jumping into Filip’s arms.

“What was the verdict?” I ask Jax as the anticipation of whether I’d be preparing to be apart of something bloody was building up an anxiety I haven’t felt for years.

“We wait on retaliation.” Jax smiles and I sigh in relief. A smile creeping its way onto my face as we all walk outside the clubhouse. Tommy’s giggles fill my ears as Filip lifts him up over his shoulder and running across the way with him.

“Careful boys!” I shout after them, earning a wink from Filip as he brings Tommy back to the floor.

“He really loves that kid.” Jax smiles as we watch Filip crouch down to Tommy. I give Jax a quick hug before walking to where my bike had been parked.

“Mom, can I help fix a car with Chibs?” Tommy asks as Filip instructs one of the guys to back up the truck being brought in. I nod my head and he runs back over to Filip. Tommy starts to copy Filip’s hand that was signalling for the pick-up to back the van up. Filip laughing at the copycat actions and ruffles my son’s hair. I shake my head and go to lean against my bike.

Noticing a piece of paper stuck to the back end of my bike, I frown. Moving over to it, I pull it off from where it had been taped to metal frame. Lookin over the envelope, I don’t recognise the writing on the front that said my full name in black ink. I tear my thumb through fold to get to the letter inside. Unfolding the paper, my hands begin to shake. A picture of George’s body at the side of the road was what greeted me. His bullet wound to the head looked fresh and the words scribbled at the bottom saying ‘you’re next’ cutting the air I was trying to gasp for.

“Riley!” The deep wave of heat blows the image from my hands as my body is flung backwards into my bike. Knocking the bike onto its side and causing the other bikes to clatter to the ground.

I gasp in pain as my hand grips my side, the still fresh bruises slamming against the concrete from the fall. My ears were ringing with a high pitched screech, as I tried to understand what had happened. How had I ended up on the ground? Remembering the feeling of being pushed, I look towards to the direction that the force came from. My eyes widening in horror when I see the van in a fiery inferno. My ears still ringing as I frantically push myself up, feeling hands on me as I try to balance myself.

Where’s Tommy?

My mouth widened with my cries as I saw my son on the concrete. His eyes closed as he clung to the body of Filip, as he had his arm hanging loosely around him. They were both unconscious. There’s blood. My legs wobble as I fight against the arms around me. I hear screaming. Not sure whether it was my own or someone else. I run over to where my son lay.

Jax was already trying to wake up Filip as I came crashing down to Tommy. My hands shaking as I reached out to my baby’s face. There was still a flush in his cheeks and his chest was uneven with breath.

“Tommy!”

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weeb-alcove · 4 years

Text

2019 English Playlist

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL77pv5URcE8b4_k9_GQYZoQYz_HhRDP2D

In English:

“99″ - Barns Courtney

10ft - Eileen Yo

5 Seconds of Summer Babylon Easier Lie to Me Teeth

88rising History Midsummer Madness ♪ from their album Head in the Clouds II ♬ Breathe I Love You 3000 II Indigo Strange Land These Nights

Affection - Between Friends

Aftertaste - Whethan

Ain’t Goin Back - Russ

Alan Walker Are You Lonely Different World Do It All for You Lily On My Way Play

All Fall Down - Johnny Glenn & Ally Hills & Just Juice

All Over Again (remix) - Lost You & Michael Moawad

Another Summer Night Without You - Alexander 23

Aphrodite - Rini

Ariana Grande Esta Noche ♪ from her album thank u, next ♬ bloodline in my head NASA

Arms Around You - XXXTentacion & Swae Lee & Lil Pump

Ava Max Freaking Me Out (Bingo Players remix) Not Your Barbie Girl So Am I

Bae - Trevor Wesley

Bars and Melody Lighthouse (Dave Winnel remix) Waiting for the Sun

Bazzi Caught in the Fire Focus Mine Myself No Way!

Beat of My Drum - Powers

Benee Evil Spider Find an Island Glitter Monsta Want Me Back Wishful Thinking

Better Not - Louis the Child

Big Sean Berzerk Single Again

Billie Eilish everything i wanted When I Was Older ♪ from her album WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? ♬ 8 bad guy bury a friend ilomilo my strange addiction wish you were gay xanny

Birthday Party - AJR

Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz

broken - lovelytheband

Caffeine and Dopamine - Keepitinside

Camila Cabello Find U Again Señorita ♪ from her album Romance ♬ Bad Kind of Butterflies Liar My Oh My Shameless Should’ve Said It

Cardi B Money Please Me

Catch Feelings - Henry Young & Zachary

Céline - Gallant

Cemetery - Coin

Chanel - Frank Ocean

Chase - Aaron Carpenter

Cherry Cola - Kuwada

Cigarette - offonoff & Tablo & MISO

Clairo Sofia Throwaway

Close to Me - Ellie Goulding & Diplo & Swae Lee

Cold - Boy In Space & unheard

Come My Way - Plvtinum

Conan Gray Generation Why Greek God Maniac The King

Creep - Radiohead (GAMPER remix & Dadoni & Ember Island)

Crush - Lucian & Tiffany Day

Crying My Eyes Out - Stephen Puth

Crystal Dolphin - Engelwood

Dangerous Love - Justice Carradine

David Guetta Better When You’re Gone Blame It on Love

Daya Insomnia Left Me Yet Wanted

Don’t Be Gone Too Long - Chris Brown

Don’t Lie to Me - Lena

Don’t Start Now - Dua Lipa

Eric Nam ♪ from his album Before We Begin ♬ Congratulations Love Die Young

Everything - TobyMac

Eyes Wide Shut - Glades

Falling - Trevor Daniel

Fine - Rufus

Finneas I Don’t Miss You at All Let’s Fall in Love for the Night

Fitz and the Tantrums Hand Clap Out of My League

Flower - Johnny Stimson

Friends - Feyde

Funeral - Miguel

G-Eazy 1942 Nadie Como Tu

Get Away - Ed Black

Giants - Becky G & Keke Palmer & Soyeon & Duckwrth & Thutmose

Glass Animals Life Itself The Other Side of Paradise

Greyson Chance Boots Shut Up

Halsey Eastside Graveyard

Heart in Tokyo - Good Gasoline

Heartstrings - STVN & Jenna Carlie

Her - Alex Aiono

Hey Violet Better by Myself Queen of the Night

High School - Umi

Hometown Smile - Bahjat

Honne Crying Over You Day 1

How Do You Sleep? - Sam Smith

IDK - Bruce Wiegner

I Fall in Like Too Easily - Ashton Arbab

I Feel Love - Suggi

If I Can’t Have You - Shawn Mendes

If You Need Me - Julia Michaels

If You’re Over Me - Years & Years

I Heart You - Baby Ariel

I’ll Be There - King Henry & Sasha Sloan

ILYA - Fly By Midnight

In Betweenin’ - Austin Brown

Indiana Massara Apology Smoke in My Eyes

i think i love you (but i dont like you) - push baby

It’s Not You It’s Me - 6LACK & Bea Miller

Japanese Denim - Daniel Caesar

Jaymes Young Infinity Northern Lights

Joji Sanctuary Test Drive Yeah Right

Jonas Brothers Only Human Sucker

Juliet - Sebastian Javier

June - Sage Charmaine

Just My Luck - Tia Ray & Kehlani

Kailee Morgue Go to Sleep Headcase

Katy Perry 365 Harleys in Hawaii

Kiss Me Thru the Phone - Soulja Boy

Lalala - Y2K, bbno$

Last Hurrah - Bebe Rexha

Lauv Drugs & the Internet I’m So Tired

Lava Lamp - Dandi

Left to Right - Marteen

Lennon Stella La Di Da Polaroid Workin’ on It

Lifeguard - iamnotshane

Lovefool - The Cardigans

Love Me Wrong - Allie X & Troye Sivan

Love You Like That - Dagny

Madison Beer Fools Hurts Like Hell

Maggie Lindemann Friends Go Would I

MAGIC! Girl at Coachella Lay You Down Easy

Make You Mine - Public

Mango Love - Shawn Wasabi & SATICA

Mask - joe.k

MAX Love Me Less One Two Things Worship

Middle of the Night - Monsta X

Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince - Taylor Swift

MØ Blur Don’t Leave Kamikaze Nostalgia On & On Red Wine

Mona Lisa - Valntn & Peter Fenn

mxmtoon Blame Game Prom Dress

My Family - Karol G & Migos & Rock Mafia & Snoop Dogg

Nobody - Emilee

No Sleep - Martin Garrix & Bonn

Nostalgia - The Beamish Brothers

NOTD Keep You Mine Romantic (NOTD remix) So Close

Ocean Man - Ween

October - Alessia Cara

Oh Wonder I Wish I Never Met You Super Love

Only You - Cheat Codes & Little Mix

On the Low - Justin Park

Pardon Me - Dion

Permission - New Hope Club

Pharmacy - Isaac Dunbar

Pink - No Rome

Post Malone ♪ from his album Hollywood’s Bleeding ♬ A Thousand Bad Times Circles Die for Me Goodbyes Take What You Want

PRETTYMUCH Blind Solita

Quinn XCII U & Us Wayback (remix)

R3HAB All Comes Back To You Don’t Give Up on Me Now Lullaby This Is How We Party

Raincoat - Kieron Lee & Chloe Ho

Rebels - Ivy Adara

Red Sippy Cup - Ellis G & Tristen the God

Rei Brown Picture Frames Real Love

Rescue Me - OneRepublic

Right Now - Nick Jonas & Robin Schulz

Rolex - Ayo & Teo

Roots - Galantis & Valerie Broussard

Roxanne - Arizona Zervas

Ruel Free Time Real Thing Younger

Say It to My Face - Maty Noyes

Selena Gomez Bad Liar I Can’t Get Enough

Sick Thoughts - Lewis Blissett

Skeletons - keshi

Speechless - Dan + Shay

Stay Home - Faye Risakotta

Sugarplum Elegy - Niki

Summer Love - Hyu

Summer Time High Time - Cuco & J-Kwe$t

Summertime in Paris - Jaden & Willow

Suncity - Khalid & Empress Of

Superfruit - Maude Latour

Sweet Little Lies - bülow

Swimming in Your Feelings - Haven

Talking Loud - Jennifer Zhang

Tell Me - Mika-Intersection

tell me how you rly feel - adam&steve & Lostboycrow

Tessa Violet Bad Ideas Crush

Thank You - Junny

The Chainsmokers Family Kills You Slowly Takeaway

The Vamps All Night All the Lies Can We Dance Just My Type Middle of the Night Missing You Somebody to You We Don’t Care

Think About Me - dvsn

Tired - Jasmine Sokko

Tomorrow Tonight - Loote

Virtual Reality - ieuan

Waste My Time - Grace VanderWaal

Why Don’t We Come to Brazil I Don’t Belong in This Club I Still Do Mad At You Unbelievable What Am I (Casualkimono remix)

Why Don’t We - Austin Mahone

Why Haven’t I Met You? - Cameron Dallas

Woke Up Late - Drax Project & Hailee Steinfield

Yellow Hearts - Ant Saunders

Yoandri All the Way Bravo Cherry on Top It’ll Be Ok Only You

You & Me - Marc E. Bassy

You Got Issues - spring gang & Amaranthine

Young the Giant Apartment Cough Syrup

Zayn Rumors There You Are

In French:

Tous Les Mêmes - Stromae

In Spanish:

Rebeca - Mc Livinho & Gerex & Maejor

Teléfono - Aitana (remix with Lele Pons)

Electronic:

Monster Gambling in Tokyo - Idealism

Sorry I Like You - Burbank

Sunset Lover - Petit Biscuit

#music #2019 #english

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theomotaku · 5 years

Text

Goemon's First Accident with the Gang

They were on their way back from scouting out the place they were going to hit. It had taken a little longer than Goemon expected and he was starting to get uncomfortable. He hadn't really needed to use the restroom around Lupin and Jigen yet, not when he couldn't slip away unnoticed, and he didn't want to admit his need to them now. It was still manageable. Surely he could wait until they got back to the hideout, right? But... that was almost an hour away.

Half an hour later, and Goemon was starting to get worried. His need had gotten so much worse! He had his legs crossed tightly and it was taking a lot of will power not to hold himself. He kept glancing up to make sure Jigen and Lupin hadn't noticed. They hadn't seemed to.

Five minutes later, and Goemon was holding himself. He continued to watch Lupin and Jigen. He didn't want them to know. They would be mad, like his mother always was. He felt himself start to panic, which caused his first leak. He doubled over and grabbed himself with both hands. He no longer cared if they saw him. He wasn't going to make it! They were going to find out! He was going to get in trouble!

Tears started steaming down his face as he lost another leak. He knew he didn't have long.

He leaked maybe every 30 seconds for a few minutes before it turned into a steam, then it all forced its way out. A sob escaped him as he soaked himself and the seat he was sitting in. Lupin would be so mad! Or Jigen. Probably both. Whose car was this this anyway?

"Goemon, what's wrong?" Lupin asked from the driver's seat. He tried to look at him in the rearview mirror, but all he could see was his face. That didn't tell him anything.

Jigen turned around in the front passenger seat and gasped, involuntarily, as he saw what had happened.

"Hey, it's okay," Jigen said. He didn't know how to calm Goemon down, so he did what he does with Lupin and offered him a cigarette.

Goemon didn't know what to do. He didn't smoke, didn't even know how, but he didn't want to be rude after ruining the car. He stared at the pack in Jigen's hand, frozen.

"You don't smoke, do you?" Jigen realized he'd never seen the younger man smoking.

Goemon shook his head with a quiet "Sorry."

Lupin, not knowing the extent of the situation, couldn't help but laugh a bit. "Goemon, we're not going to get mad at you for not smoking! It's good that you don't. It's a bad habbit," he said as he pulled out a cigarette for himself.

Goemon was still crying. Okay, Jigen wasn't mad, but that didn't mean Lupin wouldn't be. He still didn't know what happened, after all.

Jigen didn't really know what else to do. His other go-to for comforting someone is liquor, but they didn't have any in the car. "Lupin... pull over. Let me drive." Lupin was his only hope to comfort Goemon.

Lupin was a bit confused at Jigen's request, but he obliged. When he got out and turned to walk around the back of the car and get in on the passenger's side, he finally saw what had happened.

Goemon couldn't breathe. He felt sick. Lupin was just staring at him with a shocked expression. Goemon choked and it snapped Lupin out of it.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Lupin got in the backseat and pulled Goemon close. Jigen had gotten in the driver's seat and drove off.

"I'm sorry," Goemon sobbed. "I ruined your car..."

Lupin held Goemon. "You didn't ruin anything, alright? The seat can be cleaned. No one's mad." He didn't know why, but he started stroking his long hair. He did wonder why Goemon hadn't said anything, but that was a conversation for later, once the poor samurai had calmed down some.

Goemon found the hand in his hair very soothing. That coupled with the fact that neither Lupin nor Jigen was mad, - which he didn't really understand - he was able to calm down.

Lupin decided to ask. He kept his arm around him and kept stroking his hair, trying to keep him calm, as he gently asked, "Why didn't you say anything? If I knew, I would have tried to find somewhere to stop."

There it was. Of course they'd question it. What was he going to say? 'My mother would get angry with me for not being able to hold it and I thought you two would, too'? He would never speak ill of his mother, especially not to two men he'd only met a few weeks ago. "I-I thought I could wait..." he ended up saying.

Lupin wasn't sure he completely believed that. Surely there would have been warnings, right? He's been desperate before, and he usually has plenty of time to speak up before he actually wets. Does Goemon have bladder control issues?

"It's okay. Just, next time, let us know. Even if you think you can make it," Lupin said, still stroking Goemon's hair.

Goemon wasn't sure he'd be able to speak up, but he nodded anyway. Now that the fear of Lupin and Jigen being mad was gone, he was humiliated. He didn't really want more attention on himself.

Lupin was still doing his best to comfort Goemon, who was blushing deeply now. At least he wasn't crying anymore. Lupin hadn't even considered the fact Goemon was capable of crying until now. He's seemed even more stoic than Jigen is. Or maybe that's because Lupin knows Jigen so well by now.

Jigen pulled into their driveway and parked. He put the top up, turned off the car, and went to unlock the house. He turned back to see if Lupin and Goemon were coming.

Lupin got out off the car and waited for Goemon.

Goemon got out and followed Lupin to the house. Halfway there, he stopped, pulled out his Zantetsuken, and sat down in the grass, preparing for a ritual suicide.

Jigen, who was still watching from the door, realized this and ran toward him, screaming "Goemon, don't!"

Lupin turned back to see what had Jigen so freaked out, and when he saw, he freaked out, too.

Goemon raised the sword, aimed it at his chest, closed his eyes, and... felt two pairs of hands on him. One pair on each arm, holding him back.

"Let me go," he tried to command, but it came out as a sob. "Let me die." Great, he was crying again. Well, it wouldn't matter in a few seconds if they would let go of him.

"Not happening," Jigen said.

"Come on, Goemon. Let's go inside," Lupin urged. "You can get cleaned up and it'll be like this never happened." He relaxed his grip slightly.

"The car..." Goemon pointed out.

"I can clean it," Jigen offered, voice more gentle than Lupin is used to. Jigen loosened his grip as well.

"I should do it," Goemon protested, eyes flying open.

Jigen was pretty sure Goemon wouldn't try anything. He moved to put a hand on his back.

"I don't mind, Goemon," he soothed, rubbing his back. "Anyway, you need to get in the shower before you get a rash."

Goemon blushed at Jigen's bluntness. He wasn't wrong, though. His legs had started itching soon after his accident, and they were starting to burn now. He probably already had a rash, not that he'd admit it to anyone else. He nodded and Lupin and Jigen helped him up.

He put Zantetsuken away as they guided him inside.

"You need anything, buddy?" Lupin asked.

Goemon blushed and shook his head.

"Okay. Go get in the shower and try not to worry about things. I'll bring you clothes in a few minutes," Lupin offered.

"I can get my own clothes..."

"No, you've been in those clothes long enough. Shower," Lupin insisted.

With a blush, Goemon nodded and went into the restroom. He got undressed, hating the wet, cold, clammy feeling of his hakama, which now had grass clinging to the back thanks to his failed attempt at suicide. He felt a fresh wave of shame wash over him as he realized how stupid it was to try it in front of Lupin and Jigen. He got in the shower. He was right: he already had a rash. He rested his head against the tile wall and tried to relax for a little bit before he started washing off.

Lupin helped Jigen get out the cleaning supplies.

"Poor guy," Jigen mused. "I wonder how he's holding up now that he's alone?"

"That's one reason I wanted to bring him his clothes: so I can check on him. I hope he doesn't try anything," Lupin said.

"Yeah, I hope not." Jigen agreed. He'd come to like the samurai in the short time they'd been allies. He liked to think of him as a friend, and he was sure Lupin felt the same way.

Lupin squeezed Jigen's shoulder. "Even if he does try something, I think I'll catch him in time to help him."

Jigen nodded. He had the cleaning supplies now. He went out to the car to clean the seat.

Lupin went into the bedroom and got some clean clothes for Goemon. After that, he went into the restroom. "Hey, Goemon. How're you doing?" he asked gently.

They were coddling him, and he hated himself for making them feel like they needed to. "I'm fine. I'm not a child." That was a childish thing to say, but it just slipped out. He blamed Lupin's tone of voice.

"Nobody thinks you're a child. We're just worried about you." Lupin wondered what prompted him to say that. He guessed he'd feel petty childish if he were in Goemon's situation, and he and Jigen had been more careful around him since they got home. Maybe they were making him feel worse.

"Have we been making you feel like a kid? If so, we didn't mean to. We're trying to cheer you up," Lupin said, keeping his voice normal.

The age difference made him feel like a child. The fact that he wet himself made him feel like a child. Both of those things are beyond Lupin's and Jigen's control. But, yes, the coddling was making him feel worse. The fact that Jigen was cleaning up his mess made him feel horrible. What could he do to repay them? "It's fine, Lupin."

Lupin nodded. "Okay, we'll if you need anything, let ne know. And please don't try to hurt yourself. Remember, this never happened." He got the rash cream out of the first aid kit and set it on top of Goemon's clean clothes, sure that he would need it.

"Okay," was all Goemon said. Lupin carefully picked up the dirty clothes and left the restroom, heading for the laundry room.

Lupin rinsed Goemon's clothes out in the sink in the laundry room before putting them in the washer. He wasn't sure if the urine would stain or not, but he wasn't going to throw away good clothes if there was a chance they could be salvaged. Yeah, he could afford to buy Goemon new clothes if he needed them, but he didn't like wasting. Maybe he'd buy Goemon a new outfit anyway, if he wanted one. Jigen and himself, too. He was kind of getting tired of this green jacket. He was thinking about getting a red one. And maybe some blue shirts instead of his black ones. Maybe some different pants, too. A lighter color. And of course, he'd have to change his tie to match the rest of his outfit.

Lupin shook his head. He was worried about Goemon. This wasn't the time to plan a new outfit. He put in all their dirty clothes from yesterday, added laundry detergent, and started the washer. He then went outside to see how much progress Jigen had made.

Jigen was finished with the seat and working on cleaning the floorboard.

"Need help?" Lupin offered.

"No, I'm almost done. How's he doing?"

"I guess he's alright. I asked him not to hurt himself. Told him we could act like this never happened. He said okay. I think we accidentally made him feel like a little kid, though, with how careful we were being with him."

Jigen nodded. He guessed that made sense. "Does he know where the first aid kit is?"

"I put the cream on top of his clothes so he can use it if he needs it."

Goemon turned the water off and got out of the shower. He dried off, being careful around his crotch, his bottom, and and the tops of his thighs where the rash was bad, and turned to get dressed. He saw the cream on top of his clothes and blushed. He was thankful for Lupin's thoughtfulness, but he wasn't weak. He didn't need it. He set it aside and started to put his fundoshi on. It rubbed against him painfully, but it didn't matter. He deserved to be uncomfortable. He put his sarashi on next, then his kimono, then finally his hakama. His eyes widened and watered in pain. If he thought the fundoshi was painful, the hakama was hell. He wiped the tears away and turned to leave the restroom when he realised he should probably try to empty his bladder before he left. It had been almost an hour since he went, and he's always had a smaller bladder than he liked to admit.

Goemon got back out of his clothes enough to aim properly and tried to force out any liquid that might be in his bladder. A little bit came out. He tried again, but he seemed to be empty. He got dressed again, washed his hands, and left the restroom.

Goemon had noticed that Lupin had taken his dirty clothes, so he didnt know what to do. He went and sat on the couch.

Outside, Jigen had just finished cleaning the car. Lupin had stayed out there with him to keep him company, but now, he needed a shower. He picked up the cleaning supplies and went back inside. Lupin walked with him and opened the door for him. He put the cleaning supplies up and went to take his own shower. Lupin decided to start cooking supper.

Goemon felt out of place, maybe even a bit unwelcome despite how nice Lupin and Jigen were. He sat still on the couch, not knowing what else to do. The fabric of his hakama irritated the rash, so he didn't really want to move.

Lupin started the food then went to check on Goemon. "Hey, you okay?" He looked uncomfortable.

Goemon nodded.

"Well, I'm in the kitchen, cooking, if you need anything. Or if you dont want to be alone, you can come with me."

Goemon agreed to join Lupin in the kitchen. He stood from the couch and tried to walk normally and keep from showing pain.

He failed, though. Lupin could tell walking made him more uncomfortable. He stopped him.

"Did you use that medicine I laid out for you?" Lupin asked.

Goemon blushed. He... didn't want to answer. If he lied, they might found out and get mad. If he told the truth, they would probably try to make him use it. He honestly wouldn't put it past Lupin to undress him and apply it himself if he refused to use it.

"I don't need it," he said quietly.

"Goemon..." Lupin wrapped his arms around him. "Clearly, you do need it. This is considered hurting yourself, man! You told me you wouldn't do that." He kept his voice calm. The last thing he wanted to do is get mad and scare the samurai, who seemed unusually skittish today.

"Sorry..." Goemon said. Honestly, Lupin should have known not to believe that. They didn't let him help clean up his mess. They didn't let him commit seppuku. They didn't even yell at him or make fun of him. He deserved some kind of punishment!

Lupin found himself stroking the younger man's hair again, and he felt him relax a bit. "Let's get you to the room. Jigen or I will bring you the cream in a minute. Use it this time." His tone left no room for arguement.

Goemon nodded.

Lupin helped him to the room. Then, he went to knock on the restroom door. He didn't hear the shower running. "Jigen, you getting dressed?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Goemon didn't use the cream," Lupin sighed. "But I think he will now. Can you take it to him in the room? I need to get back to the food."

"Yeah, I'll do it."

"Thanks." Lupin went back to the kitchen.

Jigen finished getting dressed, picked up the cream, and took it to Goemon.

"Let me guess. You did this to punish yourself because we wouldn't let you kill yourself?" He asked, holding the cream out.

Goemon nodded sheepishly. How did he know?

Jigen wrapped an arm around Goemon. "It's not a big deal, alright? It happens. No matter how you feel about yourself or what people from you past made you think, it's not worth dying over, and you need to take care of yourself." The way Goemon looked up, surprised, and made eye contact when Jigen mentioned people from the past told Jigen what he needed to know. It was someone from Goemon's past that made him do this to himself. Maybe multiple people. "Who was it?"

Goemon was quiet for a moment. "I'd... rather not say..."

So someone close to him. Someone he still cares about. Someone he doesn't want to make out to be the bad guy. A parent or caretaker? A sibling? Or an ex he's still in love with?

"Well, I don't have to know, but if this is what they made you believe, they were wrong, rather you want to admit it or not.

I'll go so you can take care of yourself." Jigen pressed the tube of cream into Goemon's hand. "If you want to talk, or if you need anything, just let me know." He squeezed his shoulder then left the room.

Goemon looked at the tube in his hands. He still didn't feel like he deserved the comfort it would bring, but if Jigen and Lupin found out he didnt use it this time, they'd be mad for sure. He read the instructions, got undressed, and applied the cream as directed. The relief was instantaneous.

After waiting the amount of time the instructions said to wait, he got dressed and went to wash the excess cream off his hands. It felt gross. When he came out of the restroom, he met Lupin.

"Oh, there you are. Food's ready!" Lupin said cheerfully, then he stopped. "Are you okay?"

Why did he keep asking that? Goemon nodded and walked with Lupin to the kitchen.

Lupin noticed that Goemon was walking without pain now. He must have finally used the cream. That made Lupin happy. He wrapped an around him as they walked.

They all got their plates and sat down to eat. Goemon had cheered up. He wasn't in pain. He wasn't afraid of making someone mad. He was still a little embarrassed, but they agreed not to bring it up, so that would fade eventually. He would be alright here with his new friends.

#omorashi #male omorashi #goemon ishikawa xiii #lupin the 3rd #arsene lupin iii #jigen daisuke

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ohtheseboysilove · 5 years

Text

Ghost from the past II [ Roger Taylor x F!Reader ]

Words : 3, 900 K + (sorry sis)

Warnings : language, angst, panic attack

Summary : Reader and Roger are in love and happy. Until Ally, first love and ex-girlfriend of Roger come back after years of silence, bringing chaos in their perfect life.

Note : The angst is definitively here ! I’m sorry Fred is being a bit of a bitch in this one and trust me poor Reader is not done crying ;) Tell me waht you think my cutie pies xx

Masterlist & Requests

@/ none of these gifs are mine xx

“(Y/N), baby. Wake up.” You blinked slowly as you felt a soft caress on your cheek, the worried face of Roger bended over you. “Here is my girl, you scared me baby”

You slowly sat up and noticed you were in you and Roger’s bed, your head throbbing slightly. He gave you a glass of water with a tender smile and you thanked him quietly, drinking it to clear your dizzy mind. He pressed a light kiss on your hairs, his fingers still rubbing your cheek. The conversation you had with the drummer came back immediately and you looked at the blond with terrified eyes.

“Tell me it’s not true. Please, tell me you don’t actually have a kid” You murmured with a weak voice, your hand clenching around his tee-shirt in a pleading gesture.

“(Y/N), it’s true” He grabbed your face but you pushed him away, shaking with panic your head, tears rolling freely on your red cheeks.

“No, no, no ! I love you Roger, I don’t want you to leave me” You sobbed loudly, trying to catch your breath between your cries. “You’re gonna go back to Ally and your son and forget about me” You could feel the panic attack raising in you, the fear crushing your lungs and your heartbeat increasing at every seconds.

The blond had his mouth half-opened, looking rather surprised with your reaction. His silence made you freaked out even more, crying hysterically at the thought of the love of your life leaving you for another woman.

“Baby, hey, calm down, please” He pushed away the hairs from your face and captured your jaw, he knew usually what to do to help through your anxiety but it was the first time he caused one of your panic attack. “Look at me, (Y/N). Breath baby, I’m not going anywhere. I’m certainly not going back with Ally, never. I’m staying with you because you’re the one I love” You refused to believe him, the nerves were taking the best of you as the pressure against your chest became heavier and you started to hiccup between each breath.

“N–no, I...she–“ You couldn’t form a proper sentence, sobbing furiously. She had his kid, why he would stay with you now ? He won’t. Your glanced at your shaking hands in Roger’s, you loved him so much, it was almost painful. “I– love you”

“And I love you too (Y/N), more than anyone I ever loved. You’re stuck with me for a very long time, I’m not going anywhere” You nodded slowly but you couldn’t still breath correctly, chocking out at every try. “Lay down baby, I’m coming in a minute” He raised the covers and waited until you slowly slid under, your chest going up and down painfully.

He went to the bathroom and like he promised come back quickly, a wet clothe on his hand. He sat next to you and gently pressed the fresh towel on your forehead, then your burning cheeks, rubbing softly under your swollen eyes. You felt better, his tender gestures helped you focused on your heartbeat, slowing it slightly. He put the wet towel on the night table and took his shirt off before joining you under the blankets, his arm immediately bringing your body against his, putting delicately your head on his chest, right above his heart. You sniffled quietly, streaming of tears slowing down as you listened his steady heartbeat. It was something that Roger did often when you were very anxious to calm your down, it worked every time.

He whispered sweet nothing to your ear until you fell asleep, completely drained of all your energy after your little breakdown.

*************

When you woke up, the sunlight was less bright than when you fell asleep, the beginning of the evening creeping in the quiet bedroom.

“Feeling better ?” Roger’s lips pressed gently against your forehead as you yawned lazily.

“Yes” You cheeks heated up as you remembered your pathetic behaviour earlier during mid day. “I’m sorry” You watched him grabbed a cigarette and lighted it, taking a deep puff.

“Don’t be baby. I freaked out too when she told me” You let your hand wandering gently on his bare chest, waiting for him to continue. After all, he was the one who became father of a four-years old kid over a night, must be overwhelming. “Couldn’t believe it when she said that but...now I understood why she left years ago”

“Can I ask you something ? But promise you not gonna mad at me ?” You asked him with doe eyes, a bit worry about his reaction. He glanced back at you and captured your lips in a lazy, sloppy kiss, giving you the reassurance you needed. “How can you be sure it’s your son ? You told me you and her were seeing other peoples before she left...”

He chuckled softly, his chest vibrating under your head. His hand opened the drawer of his night table and he gave you a polaroid picture.

“That exactly what I said to her so she showed a picture of Seth, it’s his name, and I...there no doubt possible” Your eyes almost popped out of your head at the picture. The little boy was a perfect replica of Roger, blond messy hairs, same cute nose and his giant blue eyes. The cheeky smile was here too. “I know, he look exactly like me when I was his age, it’s crazy”

You smiled, barely hiding the sadness in your voice as you spoke :

“He is a beautiful kid, Rog” The drummer squeezed your hip, knowing how strange and hard it must be for you too. “So...what are you gonna do about Seth ? Is Ally gonna let you see him ?”

He took a last drag and crushed the cigarette in the ashtray. “Told her I want to be part of the kid’s life” He glanced at you and his features relaxed when he saw your encouraging smile. Of course he wouldn’t abandon his child, you knew Roger and even if he was surprised he would be here. “She seemed happy about it, told me I could meet him this weekend if I was ready”

“Are you ?” He nodded almost timidly his head, his cheeks covered in a light shade of pink. “That’s great Roger, Seth deserved to know his amazing father” You put a gentle kiss on his lips, stroking softly his hairs.

“You think he will like me ?” The blond rarely needed reassurance, he was a pretty confident man. He had to when whatever he did was commented by the whole world, talking shit about him and his band without any shame.

“I know he will love you Rog” You exchanged a loving gaze.

You meant every of your words.

**************

Two months had pass since you learnt about Seth, stressful months for you but amazing for Roger. Him and Seth were now very close, apparently the kid was more than happy that his dad was a rockstar, beaming with joy everytime Roger showed him some stuffs on his drums in the studio. You didn’t meet him yet, your fiancé asked you to come with him for the first meeting but you told him it wasn’t your place to go, it would only confuse the poor boy. Roger and him spent a lot of time together and with Ally, of course. Picnic in the park, afternoon at the zoo or beach day at Brighton. You felt sick everytime he left to go see his...his family. You didn’t have a problem with Seth, he seemed to be a lovely kid and it wasn’t his fault but knowing that the drummer spent so much time with his ex-girlfriend made you incredibly anxious.

For the second time Roger proposed you to meet him. And Ally. Now that Seth was use to his dad, he could meet you and the band, who was aware of Roger’s paternity only since this morning. He knew that if Fred knew about Ally’s return he would have gone straight to her place and messed up Roger’s efforts. Tonight they were all coming at your and Roger’s place to introduce Seth to everyone. Saying you were nervous was an understatement.

“Relax, baby. No need to be so tense, everything gonna be fine” The blond came behind as you were cooking, gently massaging your sore shoulders.

You didn’t spend a day without being nervous, always wondering if Roger was falling back in love with Ally. It would be so much easier for him, going back with the mom of his son…

“I know, it’s just...” A loud knock on the door interrupted your sentence. You gulped loudly and watched Roger walking to the door.

You sighed when you recognised John and Brian’s voices. They were with their respective wives, of course, Chrissie and Veronica, all speaking excitedly about Seth.

“(Y/N), how have you been ? We didn’t see you for ages” Brian enveloped you in hug and you forced your lips to curl into a smile.

“I’m fine Bri, been busy with work” Lies. You were to fucked up about Ally to do much these past months. “Hey John, Rog told me about Veronica’s pregnancy. Congrat !” You put a warm kiss on Deaky’s cheek when he came toward you.

“Thanks (Y/N), we are very happy and the kids are ecclesiastic to have a new baby sister or brother in few months” You smiled tenderly and turned off the oven as the meal just finished to cook. “How...how did you take the new about Seth ? Must have been difficult to you”

“Yeah, it’s been strange at the beginning but Roger is so happy everytime he come back from seeing him...I’m glad Ally finally told him” You busied yourself with cooking the vegetables to avoid John and Brian’s gazes.

They exchanged a glance but didn’t insist, thankfully. Just when Veronica and Chrissie joined you to chat, Freddie’s voice echoed in the living-room and unfortunately, Paul’s too. This man was the devil but Fred couldn’t go anywhere without him.

You watched them seeing hello to everyone. Paul purposely avoiding Roger and it was the smartest idea he get since you knew him, the blond winked at you when he caught your gaze on him and you smiled softly, your heart fluttered everytime you lost yourself in his beautiful eyes.

“Hi Freddie” You took off your apron and walked to the singer with a big smile. You really loved him, he had been so nice since the first day Roger introduced you as his girlfriend to the band, he gave you the warmest welcome you ever had and you were grateful for that.

“(Y/N), where were you hiding ?” You opened your arms for warm hug but he turned around before you could reach him. The front door was open and a woman’s voice that you didn’t know travel to your ears. Ally.

You watched Freddie dodging your hug to almost ran toward the brunette who walked in the living-room. She was absolutely beautiful. Taller and thinner than you with a gorgeous smile and pretty doe eyes. You never really felt bad about yourself but compared to Ally you were completely ridiculous. A tight knot formed in your throat as she accepted the bone-crushing hug of Fred.

“Ally, darling ! I missed you so much, I can’t believe you’re still gorgeous as I remembered, this dress is absolutely ravishing !”

You drifted your gaze to the plates in your hands, breathing slowly to calm your shaking hands. It wasn’t the time for a scene. You silently dressed the table, listening to the boys happily welcoming their old friend and gushing about how cute Seth was. You rubbed your bare arms, feeling suddenly cold and profoundly sad. It was like it wasn’t your place to be here, she didn’t know Chrissie but they were already chatting animatedly about kids, you sniffled quietly but repressed your tears.

“Hey” You felt a light touch on your shoulder and faced Roger with Seth in his arms as you turned around. “(Y/N), this Seth, buddy this is (Y/N), daddy’s friend who I told you about” You cleared your throat and smiled warmly to the little boy, he looked even more like the drummer in reality.

“Hi Seth, it’s nice to meet you. Your dad told me a lot about you” He giggled lightly and hid his face in his dad’s neck, bringing a tender smile on Roger’s face. “He is so cute Rog. And he looked so much like you, it’s unreal”

“I’m the one who carry nice months and at the end, he looked exactly like his father” Ally joked as she appeared next to Rog, smiling gently. You stomach twisted heavily at her sight, her hand rubbing Seth’s back. You forced a chuckle and ignored the chills running through your body, she was the one who transformed your perfect life in a living nightmare. Unintentionally, but still, you would never getting back your old simple life. “I’m Ally, you must be the lovely (Y/N) ?”

“It’s me, yes. Nice to meet you Ally” You shook hands and shifted uncomfortably when she moved her hand to Roger’s forearm.

“How’s doing our little angel ?” You felt your eyes burned at the our, Seth was her and Roger’s kid, a little reminder for you that they were linking around this little boy for the rest of their life.

“He’s alright. A bit shy with all these new peoples but he’s gonna be okay, right buddy ?” Seth nodded eagerly and made grabby hands toward his mom who happily complied. “(Y/N) made him mash potatoes and nuggets for dinner, it’s ready if he is hungry” She gave you a nice smiled and walked away, you sighed deeply and turned back to the kitchen, closing your eyes to calm you down.

“I know it’s hard for you baby” Roger spun you around to face him and kissed your head. “I’m very grateful for what you do (Y/N), you’re amazing” You smiled timidly and took refuge in his warm embrace.

*****************

The rest of the evening passed smoothly, the boys catching up with Ally and learning more about their “nephew”, all already under the charm of the little boy. It wasn’t hard to fall, he was as good as his dad with charming peoples.

“Oh my god Rog !” Ally stood up and walked to the bookcase, grabbing his old polaroid. “I can’t believe you still have my present. It was for your...what ? Twentieth birthday ?”

“It was for our first Valentine’s day together All, you’re still have a bad memory” He chuckled, amused. You drank a sip of your wine and Roger’s hand, which was pressed against your thigh, rubbed gently your skin.

“Really ? Jesus, I remember we did have fun this day” She giggled and you were almost sure she said that in purpose, letting Roger brought the subject on the table. You bit harshly the inside of your cheek as everyone laughed, your head downed toward your plate, staring blankly at it.

“Oh but it couldn’t have be funnier that the day I walked in your room Rog, when I found you naked and tied up to the bed, I swear I almost pee myself !” Freddie commented with a loud giggle, wiping away the amused tears of his eyes. “Ally, you cheeky bastard, she let him like this after he said something she didn’t like”

You put down your forks and pinched roughly your leg, trying to distract your mind from your urge to cry. The drummer slid his hand around your shoulder, pressing it as an apology.

“Fred, stop it” Roger warned him with a severe voice and the singer rolled his eyes.

“Oh come on, we’re all grown up. (Y/N) know perfectly it’s the past, don’t you darling ?” All the gazes were on you and you nodded quickly, a fake chuckle escaping your mouth.

“Of course Fred. I...I’m gonna bring the desert” You ignored Roger’s worry look as you walked to the kitchen.

You took few deep breaths, putting aside the pain in your chest and doing your best to ignored Fred’s words. You felt horrible and you didn’t understand why he was doing that to you. He wasn’t stupid, he certainly knew that it would hurt you to hear about Roger and his ex-girlfriend but he kept doing it anyway. Probably because she had been his best friend for years and years.

When you came back with the chocolate cake, Ally was back in her chair, the polaroid on his hand, taking a picture of Seth, more than happy to pose. Definitively Roger’s kid.

“Thank you, baby” The drummer grabbed the plate from your hands and you gave him a reassuring smile, not long before they all left and honestly you couldn’t wait. He started cutting it and giving a part for everyone.

“Oh, thanks Rog but I don’t eat chocolate, I thought you would remember that” You didn’t like the way she called him Rog all the time, a little reminder of their closeness. And she couldn’t stop neither to talk about the past, if you weren’t eating alive by the fear to see Roger left, you would have been pissed off.

“Nonsense, Ally darling ! You have an incredible body, you can eat all the chocolate of the world” Freddie didn’t miss an opportunity to praise his long-life best friend.

“He is right Ally, you’re really in a shape. I don’t know how you do that, I don’t have time with the kids !” Veronica commented and listened carefully to the brunette’s answer.

You looked at the cake in your plate and ate a little piece, feeling immediately sick after. You spaced out for some long minutes, your spoon playing with the desert as you were just waiting for everyone to leave. You came back when you felt Roger moving next to you. He pushed back his chair and took Seth on his leg, bouncing him up and down earning cute giggled from the little boy.

“You’re ready buddy ? Smile to mummy !” At his words you noticed Ally crouched down in front of them, the polaroid in her hands.

“Boys, you look beautiful !” Ally stood up and gently pressed a hand on Roger’ shoulders, showing to him and Seth the picture.

You stared at the three of them with tears in your eyes, you never felt so out of place than right now. They looked like the perfect little family and you like the horrible woman who were trying to break them.

“Can daddy sleep at home with us tonight, mummy ?” You swallowed a sob and stood up discretely, hiding the tears on your cheeks.

“You knew I would love but I can’t buddy, but next week you can sleep here if you want ?”

“Can mummy come too ?”

You closed the bathroom door and dropped on your knees in front of the toilet, emptying your stomach in it. Your throat was burning as you slowly moved away, flushing the toilet with a loud sob, thankfully the music in the living-room was probably muffling your noises. You splashed your face with fresh water, rising your mouth and shook your head, you couldn’t cry longer as they were going to leave soon. The last thing you wanted was that everyone saw you crying over Ally, Roger and Seth. You would look like the selfish jealous fiancé who couldn’t be happy for the drummer. A knock on the door made you jump.

“One minute, please” You replied with a shaky voice.

“(Y/N), it’s John. Just want to talk to you” You dried your eyes with a tissue and get out, facing Deaky. “I’m sorry for tonight” He smiled sadly at you and shook your head, blinking to keep away the tears.

“It’s okay Deaky, Seth is a really cool kid, I’m really happy for Rog”

“I know you are. But Fred wasn’t very nice to you tonight, him and Ally had always been like this, having each other’s back, even if it’s hurt innocent people like you” He squeezed gently your hand and you smiled sorrowfully at him but at least someone understood you tonight. “And I can’t imagine how you felt about her...sudden come back in our life but Roger love you, he truly does. And Ally can see it too, I think she is a bit...jealous. She always had been Roger’s number one girl and now it’s you, she’s not use to that but she will come around”

“Thank you John” He saw how hard it was for you to not burst in cry right now so he proposed to go back in the living-room, you agreed eagerly, everyone were probably about to leave.

You were right, you felt a tiny bit better when you saw all your guests putting their coats back, Seth clenching onto his father’s arms, whining loudly.

“I will see next week buddy okay ? We can go to the funfair if you want” His face immediately lighted up and all mark of sadness were gone.

“Wait ! We should do a picture darlings, like in the good old time !” Freddie yelled, a bit drunk. “(Y/N), honey come here” You smiled timidly, relieved that the singer finally gave you some attention after pratically ignoring you all night. But your smile fell as he handed you the polaroid. “Take few steps back if you want to have everyone in the picture (Y/N) !”

Paul snickered loudly and smiled nastily at you, seeing very well the hurt in your eyes.

“Hey, no, baby come here. Paul should take the picture” Roger was about to stand up but Ally pushed him back on his chair, sliding an arm around his shoulder, Seth on his lap.

“Nonsense Roger, Paul is with me, he must be on the picture” He chuckled but coughed awkwardly when he saw your glossy eyes. Everyone saw them but you ignored their pity looks and did as Freddie asked you. “I mean he knew Ally since a long time so...” He tried to save the situation but it was too late for that, the pain was already caused. Chrissie didn’t know Ally before tonight but apparently she was legitimate to the picture.

“It’s okay, Fred. I understand” You replied with a fake and pathetic weak smile.

“No, it’s not, (Y/N) baby–“

“She said it’s fine Rog” Ally cut him with an exasperate voice. “It’s just a picture”

He was about to chatted her back but he saw you, shaking your head with a pleading look. You just wanted to end this horrible evening . So he sighed discretely and smiled, hardly but he did for the photo.

As soon as the picture slid from the polaroid you said a quick and general goodbye before locking yourself in the bathroom. You peeled off all your clothes and moved under the shower, sitting on the floor as the warm water rolled on you.

“Baby, they’re gone” You didn’t answer and hid your face in your hands, muffling the sound of your cries. “(Y/N), let me in, please” You didn’t move and kept crying instead, your head pressing against the cold wall of the shower. “(Y/N) can–“

“I need to be alone right now Roger, please” You chocked out between two sobs. “I will join you in bed in few minutes” He murmured a weak okay and his footsteps echoing in the hallway.

You stayed under the shower until the water became cold, you couldn’t understand how quickly your life turned from perfect to nightmarish so quickly.

********************

Tag list : @16wiishes @borhapqueen92 @thewinchesterchronicles @khaleesi2017

#roger taylor x reader #ben hardy!roger x reader #roger taylor #queen #john deacon #brian may #freddie mercury #bohemian rhapsody

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thirtysomethingloser92 · 5 years

Text

Just Feel Better.

Pairings: Bucky Barnes/ Reader. Warnings: Mentions of suicide, self-harm, depression, etc. Author’s note: Welcome to my super-duper angsty as fuck Endgame compliant Bucky Barnes/ Reader story.

"She said I need you to hold me I'm a little far from the shore And I'm afraid of sinking You're the only one who knows me And who doesn't ignore That my soul is weeping..."

Perhaps life was always meant to be difficult.

Before the blip, things were maybe, at the very least, tolerable. It wasn't easy, but it sure as hell wasn't this hard either. Your days used to be spent on the grounds of the Avengers Compound, whether it be writing, training, or just watching as the lazy white clouds drift past you. Back when you had a family, back when you had Natasha, and Tony, and Clint, and Steve, and Sam and hell, there was an occasion when even Bucky made you feel welcome in his space.

You belonged to this stupid, dysfunctional family, and you were happy.

But perhaps your life was never meant to have it's happily ever after. Not in the way the fairytales described it. Perhaps you were never meant to have your prince charming, never meant to have your family. Because in the blink of an eye, or the snap of fingers, it was gone. Everything you had worked so hard to build, so hard to keep close to you. It was gone in piles of dust and grief.

Over the course of five years, everything became so much harder for you. There were gaps in conversations around the dinner table, days that would go by in silence, the compound was virtually empty on the off chance you found your way there.

Sometimes it gets too much to bear. Sometimes it gets so hard, so intense that you don't know where to turn; what to do, nor how to get through it all. Steve tries, and god does he try. He tells you stories, he holds you as you cry in grief over your lost loved ones.

He spends five years trying to help rebuild you, and you will always love him for that.

You soon figure out that the nights are the worst.

When you can hear your own breathing in the pitch black as you stare up at the ceiling. The window is slightly ajar so the nightmares can crawl in and consume your whole being. Just like they had so many nights before. You can hear the scratching of the tree outside on your window; the scratching you're sure will drive you slowly insane, yet you can't find the need to care anymore. You don't feel like you have much to live for these days anyway.

There would be times when Steve was there, broken in his own grief, his hands roughly gripping you as he thrusts into you.

You both know that you're not in love with each other, it's just two friends mourning.

Four floors up seem almost appropriate; leaning on your steel and glass railing. The large thick glass which separates you from the concrete ground below. How easy it would be to just climb and just free fall to the ground. You don't know why you don't, but the part of you, the sensible part of you tells you that you can't bring more grief to your friends, you try and rebuild what you can with what you have.

Drawing one last breath from your only comfort, you threw the still-lit cigarette over the balcony and walked back inside; wondering what was really keeping you back.

Was it the promise Natasha made that they would find a way to bring everyone back? Was it the pain in Steve's face when he came to visit you at night?

He was there for you when Tony and Natasha died when you collapsed on the floor in a fit of tears. It was his arms around her, his voice whispering, promising that everything was going to be okay and that everything was going to get better.

James Buchannan Barnes, the man who, not that you knew it then, would become the singular most important person in your life.

Steve was gone. Tony was gone. Natasha was gone.

And you felt like you were crumbling inside.

Promises were made to be broken.

You can deal with the heartbreak you had endured over the past few years, you can deal with the worried looks the new team would throw at you, the way they stop talking when you walk into the room. What you can't ever deal with, something you can't understand, is the sympathy.

Steve held your hand in his own withered hand, both of you staring out over the lake with tears in your eyes and your heart pounding furiously in your chest.

"Look after him. Give him that same light you gave me all those years ago," You need each other.

The looks they threw you for weeks after; maybe they saw something had changed in you; something had finally snapped.

Because something had changed in you, no one could really put a finger on it, but the weight of the world had settled on your shoulders, and you didn't know how to shake it off no matter how hard you tried. You tried to be okay, you tried to keep your promise to Steve and show Bucky that the world can be a beautiful place, you kept him out of his head when you noticed him thinking too much.

Somewhere along the way, Bucky Barnes became your best friend. And you tried to be okay for him. Except you weren't. And he noticed. Because you weren't you anymore. You weren't the girl who would bounce into the compound every day with a smile on her face, her nails painted some bright and happy color; no.

You had changed, broken.

Hallow.

Bucky, as per usual, was the first one to notice it. Most likely because he was the closest one to you. Almost like your best friend.

At first, it was just the tears which would fall when the doors were closed, then it was your cool demeanor when you placed a gun in the face of a suspect you were interrogating and took the safety off, that was when alarm bells started ringing.

That wasn't your style.

Sam was the first one to pull you aside and asked you if you needed to talk; which, of course, you denied needing. He knew better than everyone that you did need to talk; you needed to cry, shout or hurt someone. Because he knew you weren't dealing with this the way you should be.

Bucky comes by your apartment at least once a week; just to make sure you're okay. Just to make sure your cupboards are stocked, your bills are paid and you're eating properly. He sees your laundry in one corner as you sit on the recliner chair, your laptop on your lap and the music on the tv blaring through the speakers.

“Hey'” He says to you as he steps into the threshold. He watches as you spin round to face him; dark gray circles under her eyes. You look so different without any make-up on.

He couldn't see the marks under your eyes due to it at the compound; but now...God, he realized that you needed him more then he thought. You looked like hell.

“Hey, Buck” You replied, closing down your laptop and sitting up straight.

You watched as he comes around in front of you and sits on the couch; leaning forward with his arms on his knees. He stares at you as if he's trying to figure you out; yet, he quickly realizes, you look as though you don't want to be figured out anymore.

There was once a time when he could make you smile, back in Wakanda, when he would say something and you would have a quick and witty comeback which would put even Sam to shame; but these days, ever since the aftermath of the snap, ever since your family died and broke apart.

You were broken.

He knew that there was once a time when you would take pride in your appearance, he would watch you sometimes, before the snap, you would look absolutely beautiful, he found you beautiful before, but when you dolled yourself up, he found himself catching his breath. You would spend about an hour every morning putting your make-up on; picking out an outfit that was fashionable yet workable.

Nowadays, you would throw on whatever you felt like wearing; not caring if it was still dirty or too big for you.

He was worried about you.

Because he had been there, so many years before. He knew what it was like to feel lost, to feel broken and hallow and not knowing where your place was anymore.

Bucky stood up and picked up one of your shirts “When was the last time you did some washing?” He asked you, noticing you stare up at him; not seeing any signs of life inside your once bright eyes.

“I dunno. A while I suppose” You shrugged as you placed the laptop on the desk beside your chair.

“Have you talked to anyone yet?” He asks you; sitting back on the couch “Sam?”

You can't breathe. Every time you do it gets more and more painful. Like a thousand bricks sitting on your chest. Weighing you down, crushing you slowly. “No”

'Why not?' Talk to me.

You don't know. Maybe because you feel like you're a burden. Like your problems are so small and insignificant that they're pointless. Yet, every time you push them away; they crush you again. All your problems weigh down your life until you feel as though you can't take it anymore. So that simple leap from the fourth floor doesn't seem so hard to do.

“Because it's just so hard” Almost too hard.

Bucky walks over to you and crouches down in front of you; his piercing blue eyes staring at you; trying to find something on your face which gives away your emotions. He places his hands on gently on your knees and gives them a reassuring squeeze. “Why?”

Because I'm suffocating.

“It hurts too much Buck” You, for the first time in too long, allows the tears to fall from the back of your eyes.

Tony died and you couldn't help but feel like it was your fault. If only you had been that little bit quicker, if only you had reached Thanos in time to reach the stones before him. He had a family, whereas you had no one.

It would have been easier for you to sacrifice yourself.

Steve left and you felt like your one last ally was gone. You wondered if Pepper blamed you for Tony's death the way you blamed yourself.

Always hurting someone.

There was absolutely no doubt in your mind about that; you were always hurting someone. If it wasn't from someone taking offense to something you said, it was from you physically hurting them. Shooting them; breaking their hearts. And it killed you almost twice as much.

You wonder if there was a time when this wasn't everything; the pain was so constant in your mind, in the pit of your stomach that it sometimes felt as if you were going to be physically sick. There were times, more than once, when the knife in the second draw of your kitchen was that little bit sharp; and your wrists that little bit too welcoming, but you never could.

Because you were too much of a coward.

You'll never tell anyone that; because you're going to keep it all locked away; like you always does. You're going to keep your fresh, raw emotions locked away in the pit of your stomach because you don't know any other way to deal with them.

The grief was overwhelming inside you. You had never known someone's death to affect you as much as these had. You felt like you were sick yourself; like there really was nothing to get up for.

“I'm here. No matter what” Bucky promises you.

His eyes telling you that he wouldn't have it any other way because, while he and Steve may have been partners and best friends, you were the girl who, unbeknown to her, had stolen his heart away a long time ago.

Before she became who she is now.

“It hurts” You whispered as you clung to his tight-fitting black shirt; feeling him hold you back as the tears fell from your eyes.

“I know it does. And I promise you'll be okay. I've told you this so many times, that I feel like I'm repeating myself with you” He chuckled slightly as you reluctantly let him go and looked around.

You looked around at your apartment, empty cups, take-out boxes, and plates littered your lounge. A small pile of laundry in one corner of your house; you felt surprisingly empty.

He stood up and pulled you up with him “Look, we both know that Steve isn't coming back. No one blames you for Tony. They wouldn't want you to be doing this. They would want you back, he one who could put Sam back in his place with just one comment, the one who would spend a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom because she doesn't think she's pretty enough without it; we want the old you back'” He said; his voice was almost begging.

You swallowed the lump in your throat; you had never heard Bucky beg for anything. And it was all because of you.

You had reduced him to this; begging.

Because it's what you do. You hurt everyone around you.

You don't mean it, but you do it.

And sometimes that hurt comes back for you.

Some call it karma.

You call it fate.

You feel as though fate is laughing at you; that some celestial being is mocking your every move. Making you suffer because they find it amusing to watch you hurt. To watch you feel so cold and so unbeing.

“Come back to us” Bucky pleads as he stares at the tears falling down your cheeks. He places his hands on either side of your face and whispers so softly that you aren't even sure that you heard him properly “Come back to me”

You're so scared. You can feel yourself shake under his touch. The suffocating feeling returns in your stomach and you don't know if you're strong enough to fight it off anymore.

I don't know how.

You don't need to say it; because he sees it in your eyes, the way you're struggling. So gently, as if you were about to break; he stroked your cheek and looked at you “Please”

It was that last please that broke you down; you nodded and clutched your arms around his large, muscular frame. “'m so sorry'” You said as he rubbed your back up and down; reassuring you that you didn't have to be alone anymore. That he was going to be there for you no matter what, that he was there to protect you.

And; so carefully; you pressed your lips to his. So softly at first then harder. Your need for him became so apparent that he didn't know if he had the will power to push you away; he didn't want to seem as though he was taking advantage of you but; you had both seen this coming for such a long time that you both no longer wanted to fight it. You had been through so much stuff together; fought nail and tooth to get here.

And now you were.

Because he promised you that everything was going to be okay.

And it was one promise he intended on keeping.

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x oc #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x reader #Marvel #Winter Soldier #Endgame Compliant #Trigger Warnings

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