#catastrophically honestly

[thelostmoongazer]

Made shadow my stand-in to parrot the shit my therapist would tell me (roughly) while I was stressed and desiring someone to talk at so I went with the funniest option.

[anistarrose]

This isn't something I would describe as a prominent or even intentional theme, but there's something fascinating to me about how TAZ Balance characters associated with composing and performing music are almost entirely correlated with either being forgotten, or having an incredibly warranted fear of being forgotten.

Johann is obviously the latter. I have an ongoing fic about his parallels with Barry — who plays piano, and who is the character we see spend the most time knowing he has been forgotten by people dear to him, and grappling with it. And I've seen the Johann and Lup dynamic get well-deserved attention in AUs where she lives, and they get to relate to each other as violinists — yet the parallels are at their strongest in canon, where Lup is the "most" dead of all the undead characters, the "most" forgotten, the most reduced to a near-invisible specter haunting the narrative, and the most like Johann's worst nightmare.

There's even a parallel with Davenport, who is a beautiful singer, and whose life story and dreams and achievements are all completely erased. So that's three different characters whose forgotten stories — which Johann obviously does not know — still serve to silently justify Johann's fear of the same fate, emphasizing just how likely it is that it could come to pass. How yes, it would be that horrifying.

And as a non-musician, but an artist of a kind myself... it all resonates. The fear of one's legacy being forgotten is a common fear in general, but it has a particular type of teeth to it for us creatives, who shudder in terror at the thought of a masterwork — that feels like a piece of one's soul — being forgotten, let alone cut short by untimely tragedy.

But that's why I treasure, so dearly, that all of these musically inclined characters — Barry, Lup, Davenport, Johann — are not forgotten permanently, but instead immortalized by the Story and Song, no matter the varying degrees of alive and dead that they wind up in the end. I treasure the parallels between these characters that say being forgotten is a grounded, reasonable thing to fear; that it is scary — but that no matter what, memory will still find a way.

[o-i-w-u]

when you give me a time limit to cook, the pasta sauce will have the consistency of sand and taste like ass the pasta isnt even boiled yet all of the burners will be on fire the smoke dectector is going off ive cried three times alreadly whatthefuvkisgoingon

[pppeonies]

anytime someone is like "the weather is beautiful today!" and its like 85° degrees in the beginning of January or some shit in the Midwestern US i'm like................. literally what is wrong with u..?

[idontmindifuforgetme]

Honestly a bumpy but good start to this year. So many new exciting things in my life & so many new people. Anyone who isn’t good for me took care of themself & stayed behind in 2023. All the dominoes are lining up for maybe one of the best years of my life if I just stay consistent & block out all the noise

[vaguely-concerned]

sitting here with my head in my hands over just how much coalecroux is exactly tfgraves except tf incidentally happens to be a warlock alligator (a minor detail that changes surprisingly little overall tbh). I stand humbled once again before my own immense and unspeakable predictability

[danmeichael]

do u have any more shizun mo ran with disciple cwn thoughts? im 👀 at the au

thank you so so much for asking. my shizun mo ran au is my roman empire that i never do anything with despite having dozens of ideas and iterations of the concept because i love it too much.

it's not really focused on the plot of the novel (mostly because i'm not familiar enough with the plot to bend it to my will) and moreso a character study.

i like the idea of how much more volatile and codependent they'd be with their roles reversed. mo ran centers his self-worth on being a good shizun to this child he sees so much of his younger self in -- lost, alone, angry, trying to make something of himself in a world that has turned it's back on him so very, very young -- who seemingly absolutely despises him and seems to be the only disciple of his to feel that way.

chu wanning centers his self worth on his shizun seeing him as worthy, as useful, as an equal. he wasn't meant to be a child. all he's ever been praised for is obedience and maturity. i think a chu wanning who is still desperate and starved for acknowledgement, who hadn't forced himself to give up on being wanted, liked, loved, is an interesting character to play with.

mo ran wants to be a good shizun. he wants to give chu wanning the gentle, caring hand he wished he'd been dealt at that age, and chu wanning takes that as a declaration of war. mo ran does not see him as worthy, he sees him as a pathetic, helpless child. mo ran sees him as "a-ning"

it's also very much about mo ran at his wits end because he's a cringefail shizun and not being able to figure out what he's doing wrong while xue meng and shi mei watch him with their heads in their hands (and take chu wanning's side in every single argument.)

[brokenrefraction]

oh to be a young schoolboy where my biggest worries is my grades.

youre gona go far kid.

*hands you an apple*

if you saw my gofundme you'd know what my biggest worries actually are

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Anyway, personally, I have always thought that the best remedy for getting dumped is to go on another date with someone you're not emotionally invested in yet [this is probably the polyamory and borderline talking but stick with me I swear it makes sense for at least some of us]

So when you CARE about a person and the relationship dynamic shifts, now you're in mourning right because you started to imagine them in different places in your life and it's emotionally painful to uproot those. But like. If you temper that pain with a person you KNOW that you aren't emotionally invested in (yet) it's a lot easier to challenge the weird thoughts a post-break up funk puts in your head.

Do I feel like a freak of nature who will always be alone because that's reasonable or because Jean-Paul over there told me he's got too much going on right now to keep going out with me? When I'm crying alone in my room, the answer is way less helpful! When I'm on a date with Steve From Accounting Who's Fun But Not My Type it's a LOT easier to remember that lots of different kinds of people are attracted to me, and my boundaries/choices in interaction with others can have a lot to do with how I experience them. See, Steve From Accounting can say and do a lot of things that just Do Not Bother Me, because. Well, why should they? And the reminder that I'm capable of setting down frustration or hurt, the reminder that I can mark lines with people on a case by case basis that I don't want them to cross, and it can be different for different people and that can be a GOOD thing, all that stuff makes it easier the next time I'm alone and feeling shitty to say "hey, these are sensations in my body that I deserve to tend to, but they are not Truth Coming Out Of Her Well To Shame Me Specifically and I can chill about it."

Honestly it's also really validating to remember that there are MANY kinds of affection and connection from others in the world. The loss of affection/connection that often comes with a break up can rattle me, and it's helpful to have the PHYSICAL IN MY BODY reminder that this will pass as I reorient within the other systems of affection and care I participate in. A break up hurts less if you're not also wondering where you'll get your needs met in the meantime.

Anyway it's day two of post-"let's be friends" stabilization and the playlist evolves with me so today's song is Perfect with Sam Smith and Jessie Reyez

[wrydd]

you know, jason finding a way back to earth-19 after earth-51 bruce dies would be awesome. i mean, sad. i mean, he feels at home there. it's safe, it's warm, it's dangerous, it's mysterious. it's full of wonders. and jason is hurt. he thought he had it in 51. sure they had their disagreements but they could find a way to work it out. he saw it. he hold it in his hands. he found it and lost it in the shortest time. and earth-19 is the closest he's got to feeling at home. bruce there is the opposite of this one. opposite of every other bruces he encountered. he's softer to jason. more understanding. he wishes him good luck. he doesn't have a jason to lose in the first place. maybe that's why they were able to connect the moment they locked eyes with each other. maybe that's why it was easy to give in to the pull between them. to get close without a fight. i am filling the gaps in my mind with lingering touches and quiet talks while snuggling on each other when they were waiting for the night. the ghost of a possibility hanging between them. this would be different in every sense. he could have this bruce only to himself. it could be nice. he could start over here. he could heal. somehow. even at the cost of upsetting the balance. especially at the cost of upsetting the balance. after all, can you really call it love if you don't take on the world for it?

[agir1ukn0w]

I absolutely refuse to believe that you can believe in science and feel deeply about the catastrophe our environment is currently under and not STILL…still even with all of that terrible knowledge, still absolutely, adamantly REFUSE to give in, REFUSE to let the greedy genocidal fuckers running our world win, REFUSE to let our world and the lands belonging to indigenous peoples be destroyed. I’m so fucking sick and tired of people talking as if our world is already lost. How can you fucking say that shit. How can you go about your lives in a state of surrender. How can you give up all that we are blessed with, all that our descendants deserve, without a goddamn fight.

[godlygivenanxiety]

Danny: WELCOME TO BIBLE STUDY WE'RE ALL CHILDREN OF JOSEPH

John: *snorting coke on non-believers corpses*

Danny: KUMBAYAAAAA MY LORD

[platoapproved]

so @armandposting mentioned Lestat lusting after David in Tale of the Body Thief the other day and while i alluded to that in my liveblogging in hindsight i just need to share some snippets from the Lestat Thirst Saga because i know some of you are never going to read the books (extremely fair tbh) and i just want you to Understand:

[doux-amer]

And look, I know I'm focusing on fun fun fun fun fun, but it helped because uh, the things that have come out about Yoon Suk-yeol's coup attempt are frightening and frankly more insane than you can even imagine.

(Just to keep the record straight, the bit about the DPRK uniforms is complicated because it hasn't been confirmed but hasn't been debunked yet either: x. We'll know for sure once the investigation starts.)

[cultivating-wildflowers]

I don't care if it's unrealistic. I will continue to hope for the best.

[robinpixels]

more sketches from the vault of jas and her situationships cuz they endlessly amuse me

(obsidian is a backstory npc, and miriam is @birdmenanime 's pc!)