#cass’ heart breaks to see dean so broken.

[leoisstillalive]

this is nothing new but. have a reminder of the actual written script of 15x18 on this anniversary

[lillylowe]

Zodiac signs are OVER. Tell me what part of the leaked Despair (15x18) script ejects your soul from your body and leaves you a husk of your former self?

[mackeydoodledoo]

I Only Swim Free: Chapter 5

Pairing: Bela Dimitrescu x (Fem!)Reader

Summary: You’ve done swimming all your life. You’ve gotten to your dream college on a scholarship for your outstanding freestyle technique back in high school. Relationships never crossed your mind however, that was before you met your swim team captain: Bela Dimitrescu.

Warning: Broken Heart, Depression, But it gets fluffier when you read more into this chapter, ends in SMUT

A/N: This chapter about to get SPICY

“Busted and Blue” - Gorillaz

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Word got out [rather quickly] that Bela’s now ex-boyfriend had been cheating on her. Since Bela went to look for you during the fraternity house party.. It was also because of how he was seeing you and her always so in close proximity to each other. Although he feels guilty for what he’s done, he’s been trying to reach back out to Bela to tell her how sorry he is and that he’ll be a better guy for her.

Lousy excuse really.. 

“To be honest I’ve heard lousier excuses from my own past exes,” You sigh, looking down at your textbook, writing down some notes for a class you missed because Bela didn’t want to be left alone, even if it was in your own apartment

“I was right about him,” Daniela called it

“What do you want a cookie?” Cassandra jokingly asks

“Yes,” Daniela says, giving her sister the ‘puppy dog eyes’ 

“Go nuts,” You say, pulling out a cookie you bought from the student center

Daniela happily takes the cookie and immediately bites into it.

“You have to unwrap the plastic first dumbass,” Cassandra sighs, deciding to go up into her room

You took Bela back to her house however, she immediately locks herself in her room. Her mother or her sisters check on her, despite her wanting your company the most. You had been trying to focus on your school work but at the same time trying to be there for Bela as much as you could was already a clashing combo to work with. Luckily, your teammates and her two sisters had been there for her too when you weren’t able to.

“Hey thanks Dani for offering to look after her tonight, I owe you one,” You sigh

“No worries, I knew her boyfriend was nothing but trouble,” She sighs, “But-but you- she’s taken a real liking to you though.”

Well, we did kiss in her car after that one fraternity house party she dragged me to, she continuously stays at my place. Not that I’m complaining though..

“Really?” You ask, slightly blushing, “Well, I wouldn’t want that on our minds right now. Thanks again!”

You heard that Dean Dimitrescu had been close to going at his throat for hurting her daughter. However, she also knew it would look bad on her part; taking her personal anger out on a student was not the best idea. 

“I’m angered just as you are Dean,” You sigh, scribbling into your notebook, breaking the lead in the mechanical pencil

Scribbling into your notebook was one way you were able to take out your frustrations.

“We trusted him,” She growls, pacing in her kitchen, “But, I do highly appreciate you being there for my daughter, is there anything I can do to repay you my dear?”

“Nope,” You sigh, “I don’t want to be given one of those special treatments, even if I am helping one of your daughters.”

I would want you to accept me as Bela’s new Lover. Please and Thank you Dean...

“Well, you’re welcome here,” She slightly smiles, “And please, when it’s after classes, you may refer to me as Ma’am, My Lady or Alcina. Alcina is my first name.”

Very fitting for an elegant lady such as yourself Ma’am.

“Yes Ma’am,” You say, “I’m going to get dinner, Do you and your daughters want anything?”

“I’m sure my girls will text you, I will make due with what we have in this fridge my dear. Thank you for the offer,” Alcina smiles

She tips her hat as you make her leave. You casually salute three fingers to her as you were about to do the same hat tip, just minus the hat. You send out a text in the Dimi-Daughters groupchat Daniela had made for the four of you. Almost immediately Bela and Daniela text you with whatever food they wanted, Cassandra being the last one. 

As soon as you and Bela show up to practice the next day, you were excused from classes as Donna had given the email out to all professors regarding State Finals, Donna has you all gathered at the poolside.

“I have the results of the semi finals roster,” She announces, “And... We are going to the State Final championship!”

You and your team cheer and congratulate each other.

“Okay okay girls calm down,” Donna calms her children, “This doesn’t mean we won’t win, so tonight we will prepare for it, this Saturday.”

In an instant all of the girls began giving their all into swim practice. You on the other hand, were just going through the motions. Not sure how to handle the sudden pressure.

“Didn’t I tell you that we all pull through this together or we lose?” Donna asks, coming up to you

“Yes coach,” You say, sighing

“You’re going to do fine, an excellent rookie like yourself should be proud you get to do this your first year,” She smiles

“True,” You sigh, beginning to shake off your nerves

“Now get your ass into the water y/l/n!” Donna yells encouragingly

After coach’s announcement you finally took a shower after skipping them to beeline it to your apartment for Bela. You turn around once you hear the shower curtain open behind you. you wipe your eyes and see Bela stepping into the shower with you. 

“Hey you,” You smile, giving her a hug

“Hey yourself,” She smiles, putting her arms on your shoulders, “Quite the show at practice today..”

“Says you, even after what happened you still managed to get your shit together and nail practice,” You smile

You snake your hands on her hips as the both of you begin washing each other from the chlorine gathered from today’s practice. Even after giving each other a shower, the both of you just settled in each others’ embrace as the hot shower began wasting away. 

“You remember when we first met in the locker room?” Bela asks, slipping on the hoodie you gave her

“How could I forget?” You smile, slipping on some shorts

“You were looking at my ass through the mirror weren’t you?” Bela asks, smirking

You almost drop your brush as your chees go red and begin heating up. You slightly look up from the mirror and see her slowly walking towards you. Like a predator stalking its prey.

“Did you... Enjoy it?” Bela flirts, turning you around and pushing you against the sink

“Well-I-uhmmm-ummm,” You stutter, trying to find the words

“You did didn’t you?” She smirks, putting her hands on your stomach

You felt yourself tense up when her palms touched your bare skin. You could feel them slowly running up your stomach and begin feeling the tips of her fingers go under your sports bra. 

“Bela! Y/n! Hurry it up I’m going to lock the swimming area soon!” Calls Donna from the entrance to the locker room

The both of you snicker as Bela drags her fingers away from your bare skin; you almost growl when her hands moved away from your skin. Bela practically moved into your place when she got the news. Thankfully her exes fraternity brothers kicked removed him from the fraternity house and helped her with her things when she decided to live with you. 

You and Bela had finally settled a day where you’d take her out to her favorite restaurant, as a make-up for not being able to see her very often. 

“Yeah, midterms are such a pain,” You sigh into your phone, “But, I’ll make sure you get tomorrow night with me okay?”

Bela decided to stay with her family for the next couple days as she’s been cooped up in your place for so long, not that she was complaining, she missed being around her family.

“Thanks for the ride y/n,” Bela sighs in relief, “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” You blush, “Hey, we’ll see each other at practice later okay?”

“Yeah,” She sighs, “I gotta go, mother is calling for me. I love you.”

“Love you too,” You smile through the phone

Wait... She added I into the “love you”.... 

You didn’t say it back, no matter, you’d tell her how you’d feel about her tomorrow night. Even though you haven’t been able to see her, the both of you were able to be on the phone with each other every night before the both of you would go to bed before your classes in the morning. State finals were upon the swim team before finals. So you’ve also been working your butt off for the missed time you’ve had to sit out because of your calf injury from the first meet. 

“Hey you,” Bela smiles as she picks up the phone

“Hey,” you smile, “How you been?”

“Doing a lot better,” Bela smiles, “If you hadn’t hooked me up for that one therapy session, I would have still been sulking.”

“I wouldn’t want that happening to you,” You sigh, “Hey, it’d be better off if you stay at home for tonight. Have an exam tomorrow morning and I have. To. Study!”

“Okay,” Bela sighs, slightly pouting

“Hey,” You say, gently, “We still have dinner tomorrow night. No pouting until before then. Okay?”

She sighs, but shakes it off, “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The next evening, You and Bela settled that you would be driving. Once you reach the Dimitrescu estate, you decide to get out of your car and walk up to the front door and knock on it. Cassandra is the one to greet you. 

“Bela’s finishing up y/n,” She says, “Nice getup by the way.”

“Thanks Cass,” You sigh, adjusting your shirt

You wait around awkwardly but you see Dean Dimitrescu sipping on wine in the kitchen.

“Will you do me one big favor y/n?” She calls from the kitchen

“Of course My lady,” You say, turning to her 

“Prove to me on why you’re worthy of my daughter,” She says calmly

“Yes ma’am,” You smile

“Mother I’ll be fine,” Bela calls from the stairs 

You look up and your eyes widen. Bela is wearing a wine red lace dress; the lace drapes behind her legs. You were a sucker for lace. You were a sucker for Bela Dimitrescu. Seeing Bela Dimitrescu IN lace is a whole show.

“Wow...” you say breathlessly as she takes your hand in hers

“Don’t have too much fun now lovebirds,” Daniela teases the both of you

“Shut your mouth Dani,” Bela sighs as she drags you out the door

“Your family is something Bels,” You smile

You open the passenger seat for Bela and she smiles at you as she gets in. Just as you shut her door, you were going to open yours when you see Bela reaching over to open the door for you as best as she could.

“Why thank you my lady,” You smile, getting into your driver’s seat

As you pull into the restaurant that Bela had made reservations for, you’re again in awe. 

“Are you sure you’re fine with paying?” You ask

“You’ve done enough for me. Both taking care of me when I was heartbroken, setting me up for therapy, teaching me freestyle.. The lost goes on,” Bela smiles, “It’s my turn to treat you.”

You couldn’t argue with that. Bela takes your arm as the both of you walk into the restaurant and basically see class. Something you don’t have however, you managed to find your ‘go-to’ nice outfit and a suit jacket at a nearby thrift store. 

“Did I tell you how fine you look?” Bela whispers right into your ear

You felt a shiver crawl down your spine as she asks you.

“No,” You finally say, “Did I tell you though that you look absolutely beautiful?”

Bela blushes as she leads you to a two-person table away from the rest of the patrons.

“Mother made arrangements for us so no need to worry about money,” Bela smirks as she sips water from a fancy glass, “I can easily tell you’ve never been in a fancy restaurant before.”

“Parents could never afford it,” You say, “So, it was the cheap diners. But hey, nothing wrong with diner food every now and then.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Bela adds

After the restaurant date, the both of you reach your apartment by midnight and you allow Bela to enter your apartment first. However, just as you closed the door, she turns to you.

“What is it?” You ask her

She says nothing as she walks up to you and cups your face in her hands. She doesn’t crash her lips onto yours, giving you the chance to pull away if you so chose to. However, your lips gently mold right onto Bela’s. She lets out a high-pitched gasp as you bring her body closer to your, both of your forms fitting perfectly against each other like puzzle pieces. Your hands trail upward to find the zipper to her dress and slowly remove it, teasing her. She helps you slip her out of the dress. She turns her body towards you, revealing a black lace lingerie set.

“Oh? So you’re wearing these for me? Was this all apart of your little plan Bela Dimitrescu?” You ask, slowly walking towards her

“Whatever do you mean,” She bites back

“You know what I mean,” You coil your arm around her waist, “Any pretty kitty like yourself should be punished for tempting me.”

In one quick motion you pick her up into your arms and place her onto your bed as you settle your hips between her thighs. You dip your head down and begin kissing her along the crook of her neck. You smirk in her neck when you hear her let out a small whimper as the tip of your tongue ran gently along her neckline.

“Hmmm sweet music,” You whisper

You lift her up for her to straddle her in your lap. You give her another kiss on the lips before laying gentle kisses along her breasts. Bela guides one of your hands to cup one of her breasts and you oblige. However, your thumb rolls over her nipple, making it hard. You hear Bela let out a strangled moan. Strangled; your mouth was latched onto her throat.

“More,” Bela breathes out

You reach around her back and with a flick of your fingers, her bra unlatches. She lets it fall off her arms and she discards it somewhere onto the floor. 

“What-what do you think?” She asks, blushing

She tries to hide her flushes cheeks and turns her head away from you. You gently run your fingers along her cheek to have her look at you.

“I think, you are so fucking beautiful my love,” You say

Bela sees the moonlight reflection coming off your eyes and she drops her head down for her lips to meet yours. The kiss was at first soft and gentle however, once you gained yourself, you began losing your self control and turned the kiss to be more intense. Bela lets out a muffled gasp as she felt the pillow at the back of her head. You pull yourself away for a moment to strip off your shirt. Bela knew you were fit because of swimming. She never thought she’d be getting up close and personal with you.

“You’re beautiful,” You whisper against her ear

You kiss and lick your way down until you stopped above her bare chest. You look up at her with pleading eyes. 

‘let me’ your eyes pleaded

She runs her fingers through your hair and pushes your face into her breast. You leech onto her nipple and gently make circles around it. She arches her back, forcing your tongue to gently lick the tip of her nipple.

“Y/n!” She gasps

While you run the flat surface of your tongue along the surface of her nipple. Your hand snakes up to her other breast and you squeeze it. Then, gently squeeze her nipple. 

“Ah!” She screams

Your mouth switches onto the other breast to give the same gentle treatment. 

“Y/n...” She says breathlessly

Your fingers trace her curves as you continue your exploration of her body down to her dripping hot center.

“Are you already wet for me?” You ask, once you arrive to her panties

She nods, “You already made me excited...”

You lowly chuckle as your fingers hook around the thin lining of her panties, lifting them. She lifts her hips to help you fully remove them from her body. You, again discard them somewhere onto the floor. Your hands gently run along her thighs to hoist them over your shoulders.

“Hmm, so you were,” You smile

Bela felt you gently breathing against her wet, dripping center, making her squirm a little bit.

“If you’re just going to keep teasing me ju-”

You drag your tongue along her pulsating lips and you insert your tongue into her, making her let out many small whimpers. Her fingers run along into your hair and you feel her pulling against you. She bucks her hips to feel more of your tongue. Your arm reaches around her hip and you press your palm down, keeping her from moving her hips along with your tongue.

“Babyyyyy I need more,” She whines

You pull your tongue out from inside her and give a small kiss on her clit before crawling up to meet her face. You give her a long, lingering kiss for her to taste herself on you.

“You’ll get more kitten you need to be patient,” You chuckle, “But, damn you taste so good.”

“Give it to me now,” She growls

You hook her leg over your shoulder, so that your arm is under her thigh.

“What-what are you- AH!” Bela chokes

She felt your finger insert itself into her. 

“How does that feel baby?” You ask, looking down at her

“It feels so good,” Bela moans

“Good girl,” You coo

You slide your finger in and out of her slowly, hearing her let out little breathless whimpers was music to your ears. You stop for one moment to add another finger when you slid them back in. Bela again arches her back to feel more of your fingers. Your pace began going faster and faster.

“Y/n... I’m-I’m gonna-”

Before you let Bela climax, you force your fingers out of her and hook both of her legs around your hips. You jerk your hips forward to feel her wetness against yours. You let out a growl whilst she lets out a small whimper. You lean down towards her face as you continue grinding on her. 

“Oh god baby,” You growl, picking up your grinding pace

Bela swings her arm around your shoulder and the other around your hips and begins clawing at your back.

“I’m so close y/n,” She whispers in your ear, “Faster.”

You let out frustrated grunts as you stop for a moment.

“Why-why did you s-stop?” She asks, panting

“I want to look at you,” You smile

However, you don’t really give Bela time to process anything before you jerk your hips again, making her lean her head back into the pillow. 

“Together-together y/n,” Bela requests, “I want to cum with you..”

You smirks as you could feel yourself reaching your climax as well. You cup her face into your hands as you begin letting out pants and slight whimpers. 

“Bela...” You whisper her name into her ear, breathlessly

You could feel her nails sink deeper into your back. You didn’t really feel any pain towards her nails. You only felt her clit against yours.

“Bela... Bela... Bela!” You growl as you come undone

Bela holds onto you for dear life as the both of you slowly come down from your high. Everything was blurry in your vision however, Bela was clear as day. You smile as you lean down to kiss her. Once morning hit, you rub your eyes however, Bela’s arm drags your arm back down across her bare waist. 

“Morning baby,” You smile, kissing the back of her head

She stretches her arms as she turns her body so that she’s facing you, “Morning.”

She gives you a good morning kiss and lays in your embrace.

“Hmmm,” Bela hums

“What?” You ask

“Are you sure you haven’t had sex with a woman?” She asks, smiling

“I’m sure love,” You say, “Why?”

“Those fingers... That tongue of yours.. Worked.. Wonders.. On me,” She says, seductively

Your cheeks flush a faint red as she laughs with a low tone. You let go of her and pull the covers over your head in an attempt to prevent her from seeing you blushing however, she follows you under the covers.

“Oh? Is my girlfriend blushing now?” She smirks

“Enough already,” You groan, pulling the sheets to separate the both of you

Bela yanks on the covers and lets out an enticing giggle as she gets up to straddle you. You sit up to snake your arms around her bare midsection.

“Iubita mea,” Bela says

“Hmmm is that.. Romanian?” You ask, blushing while smiling at the same time

“Maybe,” She teases as she drops her head down to kiss you again

It was an early Saturday morning and you weren’t up for it. But, Bela agreed to drive the both of you there.

“You excited?” Bela asks

“As excited as I’ll ever be,” You sigh, “I just hope there’s no last minute events...”

“Coach gave us the whole events roster,” Bela explains, “Rest assured those are the events that are in there, we’ll be doing.”

You smile in relief, “Good, because I think I would permanently damage my calf if I ever did another 1500 meter freestyle event...”

“You’ll be fine,” Bela reassures you

The Arena was a little ways out of hometown but nothing surprising for State Finals. Your team gets there about the same time you do, and follow whomever your guide was for the day. She shows you to the locker rooms, where all of you get changed into your uniform swimsuits and make any last second preparations for the final meet of the season.

“Dimitresu University Women’s swim and dive, you ready?” Your guide comes back into the locker room

Chapter 6

[ghost-go-roasty-mctoasty]

What if hallucifer stayed with Sam throughout the whole show? What if cass didn't really fix the problem, but only took the pain away?

Sam walks out of that hospital knowing he's not alright. Knowing he's never gonna be alright. He gets into shotgun, dean smiling next to him warmly, Lucifer smiling at him from the back seat. Cold dead eyes.

Lucifer is there with him when dean and cass get blasted to who knows where. Crowley tells him he's all on his own, Lucifer laughs next to him.

He meets Amelia, but eventually she leaves him. He doesn't blame her, who would want to be with a guy who talks to air and barely sleeps? He starts drinking a lot after that.

Dean comes back, from purgatory apparently. He doesn't know about lucifer, Sam never told him, didn't want to make himself a bigger burden for his brother. So he lies, tells him he was with Amelia this whole time. Dean gets angry. Sam knew he would, but it's easier this way.

Lucifer is with him when they find the bunker, commenting on the ugly lamps. Sam snickers, dean looks at him weird, but doesn't say anything.

Lucifer is with him when he completes the first trial. He looks down to Sam who is covered in blood. He points to the dead hellhound. "I knew that one." He says. "Her name was Ashley."

Lucifer is with him when he goes to hell to rescue bobbys soul. "I did not miss this place." Lucifer whispers next to him. A shiver goes down Sam's spine.

Lucifer is with him when he's just about to finish the last trial. Lucifer always keeps quiet when Sam is completing trials, something about "purification." Sam doesn't really know, he mostly blocks him out.

He's there when dean comes and stops him. He's yelling at Dean, telling him to go, leave them. But dean cant hear him, he knows he cant hear him. Sam doesnt know why Lucifer even tries.

Lucifer is in the back seat of the impala when Sam wakes up. He doesn't remember getting into the impala. He remembers passing out in the mud in front of the church. His clothes are clean now though. Lucifer is quiet.

Lucifer has stopped talking to him, he just hovers now. It's driving Sam mad. He's not used to the strange silence, but he doesn't suspect anything weird until he starts losing fragments of his day.

He starts noting down time frames that he loses. He started when he was researching in the library at 2:45pm, blacked out, and came to in the kitchen at 3:14pm. Lucifer stays out of his way. Sam sometimes thinks he has a look of pity on his face, but that can't be right, can it?

Sam eventually asks dean about this. His brother just brushes him off. Lucifer continues to hover.

Crowley comes and saves him. Sam kicks the angel out. He opens his eyes to see Lucifer staring at his brother. "I guess sammy has a thing for kicking angles out."

Deans starting to get suspicious. Sam's zoning out more and more. Eyes glazing over as he just listens to Lucifer ramble on about nothing. About everything.

"You good Sammy?" Dean asks him one day while they're eating breakfast. Sam answers too fast. Dean only gets more suspicious.

Dean eventually finds out, Sam knew he would sooner or later. He finds dean with alcohol more often now. A look of guilt is permanently stuck on Sam's face.

"Its not your fault Sammy." Dean always tells him. Sam is finding it harder to believe him.

Sam zones out more often. The only thing that can bring him back is deans touch. Deans heavy hand on his shoulder bringing him back down to earth, grounding him. Deans always looking at him with this sad smile. Sam feels like he's failed him.

Lucifer is with him when he finds out dean got the mark of Cain. "Oh that's a nasty little thing." Lucifer comments next to him. Sam has taken to ignoring him, it eases deans mind.

Dean is getting worse and worse. And so is Sam. Dean is slowly losing care for Sam and he's not there for him anymore. He's not there to ground him, to pull him back.

Sam starts zoning out for longer periods of time. Dean doesn't seem to care, only rolls his eyes. Lucifer watches perched on a chair next to him. "Does big bro not love you anymore?" Sam flinches.

Lucifer is there when dean dies.

Lucifer is there when Sam finds the note. "Aww big brother left you." Lucifer laughs.

Sam is spiralling. Lucifer talks to him more and more as Sam searches for his brother. No-one is there to ground him anymore. No-one is there to help him. One day Sam accidently talks back to Lucifer. Lucifer looks shocked for half a second before that cold smirk comes back to his face.

"Its been years since you talked to me Sammy." Lucifer says one day as Sam is reading a book on demons. "I missed our little talks." Sam slams the book shut. "Shut up." He hisses.

Lucifer is right there as Sam ducks down to avoid the hammer. "I never knew why Alastair liked this one." Cass appears. Thank god. Sam falls back against the wall and helplessly covers his ears. He knows it won't block him out. "Sure he ripped apart a lot of souls in hell, but a hammer?" Sam hits his head against the wall. "Shut up shut up shut up." Lucifer laughs at him. Cass pays him no mind.

Lucifer is there when the darkness is unleashed. "Ooh aunty." He says next to Sam. Sam flinches, dean places a hand on his arm. All three stand there and watch.

"You know, I find it really uncomfortable that your brother has a thing for my aunt." Lucifer says one day. Sam looks him right in the eye. "Shut up, Lucifer." Sam hasn't looked directly at Lucifer for at least 3 years. Lucifer smiles coldly at him as dean walks up to Sam, worry and fear etched into his face. Palms out towards him like he's trying not to scare off a frightened animal. Sam doesn't feel too far off from that.

Lucifer is with Sam when he goes to see real Lucifer. Sam thinks he's going crazy.

"So, you're still seeing me huh?" Real Lucifer asks him. Sam sucks in a breath as Lucifer stands to the side of the cage. "Oh c'mon Sam. I've been inside that head of yours. There's nothing I don't know about you." Real Lucifer smiles down at him. Or is it fake Lucifer? Sam doesn't know anymore.

Lucifer is with him as he gets tourted by the British men of letters. Always sending words of encouragement, towards Toni.

Lucifer is sitting on the steps. "Ah remember our lovely time down under?" He asks, titling his head to get a better view of what the lady was doing. "Ooh blowtorch. You never did like fire huh?" Sam screams. He can bearly hear Lucifers laughter over his own screams of pain.

Dean comes and saves him. Hands all over him as soon as they're out. Lucifer rolls his eyes at them. "Mother hen." Sam tenses up.

Lucifer is there when their mother leaves them. "I guess everyone hates ya huh Sammy?" Lucifer smiles at him. Dean doesn't react, doesn't even look at him.

"Never did like the brits." Lucifer says one day. Sam smiles. Deans hands are on him straight away.

Lucifer is there when Jack is born. Lucifer is there when cass is killed. Sam thinks he's seeing double, two Lucifers talking to him at the same time.

One Lucifer stays with him, one goes with his mother. He's not sure which is which. So he asks. Lucifer laughs at him. Dean doesn't put a hand on him.

Dean always stands closer to him after that, he's always making sure that they're touching, that they're shoulders are brushing. Lucifer gets annoyed at dean. Tries to hurt him. Sam sleeps less and less, just in case, just in case one day Lucifer succeeds.

Lucifer sits right next to Sam one day, getting all up in his personal space. Dean isn't in the room. Sam silently sobs.

Lucifer is always hovering around Jack, making terrible remarks about the kid. Sam snaps one day. "Leave him alone!" Lucifer smiles at him, Jack looks up at him like a confused puppy, and dean is dragging him out of the room, his fingers digging into his shoulder blade.

Jack has started to avoid him after that. Dean tells him not to worry about it, but it breaks Sam's heart. Lucifer laughing at him for it all the time is not helping.

Lucifer is there when the vampires get him. Cheering to the side of the cave. And Lucifer is there when he wakes up. He didn't know that it was the real Lucifer.

Lucifer is with him when he makes it back to Dean, both of them. Sam only knows which one is real beacuse everyone is looking at that one. Sam feels like he's failed Dean, again.

Dean hugs Sam, but it doesn't feel real, it doesn't feel right. Lucifer pokes his blood caked neck, Sam jerks away from dean. Dean looks at him with heart broken eyes.

Deans hand is on him all the time now. Holding his arm, brushing their shoulders together. It makes Sam feel jumpy.

Sam makes sure Lucifer stays in this world. He doesn't know which one he trapped, but he hopes it was fake Lucifer. Real Lucifer is easier to deal with.

Lucifer is there when real Lucifer is killed. Sam smiles at him.

"So much for your win Sammy." Lucifer says one day while Sam is sitting in the darkness of his room. "Sure you killed me, but you lost your big brother." Sam wishes he could punch him.

Lucifer is there when Sam gets dean back.

Dean makes a comment on his beard. "Don't listen to him Sammy." Lucifer says as dean walks off. "I think you look good." Sam shaves his beard off after that.

Lucifer is there when Michael possesses dean again. He's laughing the whole time. Dean won't help him, can't help him. Dean is gone.

"Let him in the box Sam!" Lucifer suddenly snaps at him one day, making Sam jump. "Get rid of Michael!" Sam starts to cry. It's too much, not even deans touch is helping him anymore. It feels wrong, alien.

Nick attacks him, Lucifer is cheering him on. "Ah I wish he was my true vessel!" Lucifer exclaims as Sam's vision darkens.

Mary is dead, Jack is gone. "Bye bye mother Mary." Lucifer sings. Sam flinches, dean doesn't care.

"Oh so you can't put your brother in that box, but you sure as hell can put my son in?" Lucifer is yelling in his ear. Sam punches the air. Deans hands on him don't help.

Chuck comes back. Lucifer snarls at him, never stops yelling at him. It's hard for Sam to pay attention to anything, he can't hear anything over Lucifers yelling. Deans hand is on his shoulder the whole time, but he seems out of it.

Lucifer was quiet for a while after God killed Jack. Sam counts his blessings.

Lucifer is there when they rendered chuck powerless. He seems to have a grateful look on his face.

Lucifer isn't there when dean dies.

Lucifer isn't there when miracle dies.

Lucifer is there when Sam's on his death bed. He's standing in the corner of the room, arms crossed over his chest. He waves, and Sam's vision fades.

Sam's free.

Sam's finally free.

[omniscientoranges]

Advanced Reader Copy

Dean gives Cas a book to read. Or, well, a passage from a book.

(basically, Cas reads a part of Lost and Found)

1.5k

read on ao3

"Hey, Cas, can I talk to you?" 

Cas stops in place at Dean's voice, a few feet in front him. They're standing in the middle of the library, where Cas had just been trying to stealthy avoid Dean noticing him walking by. 

It's been a little over a week since Dean (with some help from their friends) had pulled Cas out of the Empty. Since then, they've been not-so-obviously/obviously avoiding each other. 

The reason being that, basically, they haven't talked about what Cas said. Yet. Maybe they wouldn't ever talk about it. Honestly, Cas would be absolutely fine with that, if it meant he got to keep Dean as a friend. That would be absolutely fine and not at all painfully heartbreaking in any way. Not at all. 

Cas nods. "Of course, Dean. What is it?" 

Dean shifts on his feet. "It's, well, it's kinda important." 

"Okay," Cas says, smiling slightly even though his heart has started to beat erratically in his chest. 

"Look, I- shit. This is-" Dean stops himself, and shakes his head as his eyes dart back and forth across the concrete floor. Then he pauses, eyes fallen on one of the shelves, and looks back up at Cas. 

"Just gimme a minute, I'll be right back." 

Cas squints, "Alright, I'll just-" he starts to say, but Dean's already ran off to some far-flung corner of the bunker — taking whatever he wanted to say and whatever idea he's suddenly had with him. 

Cas stares after him, but stays rooted to the spot. 

Time passes. It is — possibly — the longest string of minutes Castiel, former Angel of the Lord and current Angel of Absolutely No One (Except, Maybe, the Winchesters), has ever experienced. 

After an eternity passes in 10 minutes, Dean walks back into the library. He's carrying a beat-up cardboard box, with a single book resting on top of where the box has been folded closed. 

Dean drops the box onto a nearby table, and the old wood creaks under the new weight. Before Cas can see it, Dean quickly grabs the single book off the top and holds it tight to his chest. It's angled in a way that Cas can only make out that it is, in fact, a book; but not anything else about it. 

"What are these?" Cas asks, moving the cardboard flaps out of the way to peer into the box. 

"Books." Dean answers. 

Cas rolls his eyes, "I know they're books, Dean, I mean what-" and Cas finally catches sight of one of the covers. 

Carver Edlund.

"Oh," Cas says. "They're, um. Our books, I suppose." 

Dean rubs a hand over the back of his neck. "Yeah. I guess, uh, I guess Chuck kept writing. Sammy found them when he went to check out Chuck's old place a few weeks back. Looks like the rest of his books never made it into circulation though. I think he just mojo-ed up some printed copies for himself when he finished with 'em, pompous bastard." 

Dean's mouth forms a thin line at the thought of Chuck, but wipes it away as quickly as it came. "But anyways, here," Dean holds out the book he was carrying between them. "Take it." 

Cas reaches out apprehensively, and pulls the book from Dean's grasp. 

"I promise it'll all make sense," Dean insists. "Just, um, flip to the page I have marked." 

Cas takes a moment to look over the book before opening it. The paperback is a stark black, contrasted by a stylized funeral pyre adorning the front, which is set at a distance so the majority is taken up but a long trail of smoke curling up until it disappears beyond the edge of the cover. 3 figures are silhouetted by the flames, and they stand apart from each other. Separate. The title reads Lost and Found by Carver Edlund.

Cas opens to where Dean has dog-eared the book only a handful of pages before the end, and reads. 

Dean held the lighter close to his chest, almost like he was holding a candle at a vigil. In a way, he was. 

Dean had been to a lot of funerals, built a lot of funeral pyres, but something about this one had broken him in a way he wasn't expecting. It broke him in a way he had spent years — decades, really — fighting against. 

You see, Dean wasn't the kind of guy. He was a red-blooded, beer-drinking, pool-hustling, bacon-cheeseburger-eating, classic-car-driving, skin-mag-reading American male. Guys like that don't have game-changing feelings for other guys. They just don't. 

At least, that's what Dean always told himself. 

But standing in front of that pyre, watching the smoke rise, he told himself something different for once. Dean told himself it was all a bunch of bullshit, because he was still all those things he was before, and he wouldn't ever stop being those things no matter what. He was just something else extra, too. 

Because Dean would have traded anything in that moment to get Cass back. Would have traded all the cheeseburgers and beer in the world. Would have traded his life. Hell, he would have traded his car if it meant he'd get another chance at this. Another chance with Cass. Just one chance to finally tell him what he'd been too scared all these years to say. Because Cass had always been around, even when he didn't need to be — he was there. But now he wasn't. And Dean wanted more than anything else in the world for him to be there so he could finally say— 

"Dean," Cas says, voice wavering. The paragraph cuts off mid-sentence; if he wants to read the rest of it, he'll have to flip to the next page to see. "What is this?" 

"Your funeral, after Lucifer killed you." 

Cas shakes his head, not quite believing Dean's words, or Chuck's for that matter. Surely this couldn't be, he couldn't really mean—

Dean interrupts Cas' swirling thoughts. "It's Chuck's words, but it's- it's all me. He writes it more flowery than it really was, ya know, up here," Dean taps two fingers to the side of his head, "but it's the truth." He laughs to break the tension, but there's an edge of nerves there. Cas can almost hear his heartbeat across the room. "Don't tell Baby this, but I really would've given her up if it meant getting you back." 

Cas shakes his head harder, tears springing loose and dropping onto the page, smudging the ink. 

"Dean-" 

"Turn the page." 

"What's on the next page, Dean?" 

"You know what." 

"I-" 

"Cas, just turn the page." 

Cas turns the page with an unsteady hand. It's blank, likely formatted that way for dramatic effect, save for 3 words in the top left corner. 

I love you.

Cas makes a choked sound and breathes out in disbelief, in sheer amazement. He runs his fingertips over the letters, traces the shape of them, feels their weight and knows it's heavier in his hands than any cheap paperback ever could be. It feels too much all of a sudden. Like something so remarkable shouldn't be confined to print — like 3 typeset and faded little words shouldn't be enough to shift the core of him so intensely that it makes his whole body ache. 

Then, the feeling of hands brushing over his pulls him out of his own head, and he looks up to see Dean (Dean, of course it's Dean, who else would it be? Who else could it ever be but Dean). Dean shifts one hand over Cas' around the spine of the book, and uses the other to push Cas' fingers away from where they rest on the page. He gently pulls the book out of his grip, and sets it on the table next to them. They both stare at it for a long moment, and then Dean is moving his hands back onto Cas, bringing both of them up to cup his face. 

Dean looks at him, eyes shining. "I meant it, I mean it. I know I'm not the best at showing it all the time, and I know I should've told you a million times before this, but I really do mean it." 

"I know you do." Cas wraps one hand loosely around Dean's wrist, and lets the other dig into his hip; anchoring both of them in place. "I- I mean it too." 

"Yeah?" 

"Of course." 

They smile at each other and rest their foreheads together, just standing there breathing the same air like it's the first time they've let themselves breathe for months. 

When they kiss, it's not a storybook. It's not bargain bin horror fiction. It's not a bestseller. It's not scripted, or planned out, or lighted particularly well. It's a kiss. It's a little awkward, a little unpracticed, a little gross through the tears. 

What it is, is the promise of another. And another after, and after that, and after and after and after. As many as they want for as long as they want. 

Their life isn't a story anymore, not in the way that they're used to. And it's no longer getting written down to be conveniently handed to each other to read whenever they have a hard time expressing their feelings. But, for a time, it was a story. It was their story. 

And it was a hell of a story, all things considered.

[ireallydontknowhowtolife]

Cass's heart breaks to see Dean so broken. (Not the situation, not that they were going to die, or that the world would end, or anything else but because Dean looked broken)

And as the light sparks again, illuminating Dean's face-- something occurs to Cass. The spark of an idea. (He thought of it at the moment. I mean we knew that but his love for Dean, his greatest truth and secret, and he had to immediately process that, and think of how to say it, and then he did it, fucking heartbreakingly he did it.)

And we see Cass's POV of Dean again-- his face drawn, drained of hope. But still beautiful. Still Dean Winchester. (Dean's face drawn, devoid of hope. They were about to die. At this point Cas knows he's going to sacrifice himself, and his thoughts are pure damn poetry for Dean. That he's still beautiful, because he's Dean Winchester. That for Cas he will always be the same Dean Winchester he fell in love with)

Cass is pacing, processing-- working out an epiphany. (I just can't)

Cass looks up-- eyes filling with tears. And the beginning of joy. (And the beginning of joy)

Saying what Cass?

Cass's word have hit him deeply-- striking right at the core of his self doubt. (Do you remember what Cas had just said? About the self-hatred, anger, guilt, the thought of being " Daddy's blunt little instrument"- )

On Cass-- almost beatific. Eyes open, heart full-- somehow happier than we've ever seen him. (Eyes open, heart full-- I swear I can see that gif where he's smiling like he's being given the universe, the heartbreaking emotion solely portrayed through his face and eyes gleaming with tears, somehow happier than we've ever seen him-- I just have no words)

Cass is lit up, ready to speak his deepest truth. (No comment needed)

Saving Dean, Sacrificing himself, speaking his truth-- Cass is at peace. (That's what brought him peace, look at the the things that brought him peace)

He's in the corner, back to the wall. His best friend dear. Shattered, hopeless, ALONE. And of that desolate image we--

BLACKOUT.

[impala1967dwinchester]

Baby Fever IV

*Not my gif*

Word Count: 1k

Mention of All befriended people of the Winchester boys 

Masterlist

Christmas had gone wonderful the tree sitting bright everyday. Hunts were tolerable nothing too dramatic or bizarre. The new year was stupendous the boys hadn’t made any foolish choices just yet. Sam and Dean had ended up treasuring their gifts. Dean had gotten a few things for his brother and a few things for me.

Recap:

“I’m so sorry Y/n. I didn’t mean to take advantage of you.” Sam said going to sit down at the now-empty table. “Sam, it’s fine. I kinda liked it.” I said the blush rising in my face.

I went over to Sam kissing his forehead, and said “good night Sam,”

I went into my room putting together the boy’s baskets, full of things that I assumed that the boys would like.

Some things were crazy, some were more sentimental. Sam on the other hand had thought about his gifts, clothes for Dean since he had a problem with washing his clothes after a rather gruesome hunt. Sam had also gotten Dean a few magazines, along with a new pair of boots. He also gave Dean a card inside of which held a gift card for the new year of pies. Something that Dean stood and hugged his brother for.

For me, Sam had gotten a few of the same things, new boots, new clothing. The different things were such as a heart necklace, the stone was blue with diamonds that crested the outline of the heart. And a new pair of jammies.

His brother went to tease him. “Oh look at you giving special gifts to Y/n” “Dean shut up, Or I’ll take your gift-card back,” Sam said with raised eyebrows. Dean pouted and then apologized.

“Do you like it?” Sam asked me. I giggled, looking up at him. “Can you help me put it on?” I asked. I heard a snort come from Dean as he looked up from his phone. “Of course Y/n” I pulled my hair to the side letting Sam drape the necklace over my chest. “All done.” I heard Sam say I let my hair go and turning.

He looking tracing the silver chain down to the crevice of my chest. “It looks good.” He smiled and winked at me. The new year was amazing the boys had gathered a few friends, a small party. Sam had decorated the map room and library. A mistletoe sitting above the entire way of the library. Something that I assume Dean or Sam forgot to take down. Food and drinks lining the table. A few poppers and glow sticks alongside the drinks.

Dean had invited Charlie, Jody, Donna, Rowena, Kevin, Garth, his wife, and his kids, Castiel, and of course Claire with her girlfriend Kaia. Like I had said before it was a rather small party. Dean had dragged his TV out of his room placing it at the end of the table in the library and looked for a news channel.

“So what’s up with the mistletoe?” Jody asked. Dean turned around “Shit, I forgot that. Whatever.” Jody chuckled

Finally, after drinking and dancing, it was closer to the end of the year. We immediately started to pair up with people sitting together and just being happy. I hadn’t been paying attention when I felt a large hand grab my hand. When I looked up it was Sam I sighed in contentment.

At that moment I think he had kind of made a whole life with me in his head. His bright smile only becomes brighter whenever he talked to me. His broad chest and ridged shoulders dropping when I grabbed his wrapped my arms around his neck.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see, Rowena smiling and watching the television. She winked at me. She had become a motherly figure to Sam and was always there on her own to protect him. That wink and smile had given me a sort of approval. For what I didn’t know yet.

“Yo, Lovebirds The count down is about to start,” Dean said. I rolled my eyes. “Dean If there weren’t so many people here right now, I come over there and punch you.” I slapped Sams chest “Stop and just enjoy the new year.” I said with a small chuckle.

In unison, we counted for the new year.

“10″

“9″

“8″

“7″

“6″

“5″

“4″

“3″

“2″

“1″

“Happy new year,” We all said, and Sam kissed me. I kissed him back. The kiss was deep, meaningful. Like Sam had waited his entire life to do kiss me. He left my lips, and instead of going to cup my cheeks.

Everything after that seemed like a dream. Sam was touchy. Which didn’t bother me at all. Not wanting to let me go for too long. He’d kiss my forehead and cheek. After a while of more drinking and dancing, the Winchesters friends started leaving. Leaving just Dean, Cass, Sam, and I.  

Having someone that is touchy with me is new. Before coming to the bunker, and being around the boys, I hadn’t been around the best of men. My father was abusive to my mother, which caused any other relationship that I was in to be abusive. It was like I attracted crazy, I attracted the abusive.

It started when I was in high school every boyfriend was horrible. I was either psychical beat or mentally abused. Nothing was off the table for the men that I attracted.

My first boyfriend Clyde was great at the beginning of our relationship everything was sparkles and rainbows. But after awhile Clyde started to mentally fuck with me. he’d accuse me of cheating when in reality I was only with my sisters. He’d come up to me in school and grab me harshly. Pushing and pulling me into a closet or teacher's bathroom.

For day afterward I’d have marks around my neck, and wrists. He left marks on me, and he hated when I would cover them. My scarfs and bracelets would be ripped from my person.

That was only my freshman year. In my sophomore year of high school, I was dating a much worse. I was thinking of sitting down in the library. “Y/n are you okay?” Sam asked me. I thought for a minute. He had kissed me twice under his own wanting. He wasn’t abusive to me. He was the kindest, emotional, caring person I had ever met. Maybe I should tell him about my past, just so he knows, maybe it will be okay.

“No Sam. I’m not okay.” I said playing with the hem of my jacket. He turned his head. “Is it something that I did?... I knew I should have asked if you wanted to kiss me!” He said. He sat down next to me. “Sam, would you stop overthinking everything,” I said.

He shook his head and wrapped his hand around mine. “I was thinking about my past relationships. You kissed me and I can’t stop thinking that I might fuck this up by bringing my past into everything.” I said “ I tried dating all of my high school years, all of which ended in me broken-hearted and more broken than I was before.

“Some people only come into your life to show you what love is not,” Sam said. Wow, I don’t think I had ever thought of it that way. “Sam? Can I just tell you about my past relationships so you understand where I’m coming from?” I asked.

He smiled squeezing my hand. “Of course, Y/n”. “My first boyfriend was harsh and emotionally abusive to me. Clyde was my freshman crush and my boyfriend for a short while. I spend the rest of my freshman year thinking that love was meant to be abusive and hurt each other.”

He hummed letting me know that he was still listening to me.

“My second boyfriend Otis was my sophomore crush. He was again nice at the start, but it turned quickly into me being a “bitch” and a “whore” who was only after his friends. He was so mentally abusing that I actually ended up breaking up with him.”

“I’m glad that you were able to get out of it. Be the strong you.” Sam said.

“My third boyfriend had actually been so nice, ya see Sebastian was so cute he’d bring me flowers, and get me coffee in the morning. My junior year was set seeing as my third boyfriend was not just thinking about himself. It ended when he just cut me off. The niceness stopped and instead of telling me why he just left me on the end of a hook.”

“Seems like a dick,” Sam said I giggled and rolled my eyes.

“You see my fourth boyfriend was that guy that ended up dying from the Djinn. Tobias was a wishy-washy guy. One day he’d hit me and the next he’d bring flowers home, praising me until I saw it was okay. Just when I thought he was a good guy he’d go and fuck it up. He’d never actually go to the bar and drink. he’d go to the bar and go find another girl to fuck.”

“Y/n? Why didn’t you say the truth when we asked you?” Sam asked. I think Sam thought I wasn’t going to tell him seeing as I was quiet. “I mean you don’t have to tell me. I’m sorry if I overstepped a boundary.” Sam said a small expression of sadness falling over his face.

“You know, you’re too nice to be with me. Where’d you get it from?” I asked a chuckle coming from within me. “Y/n it didn’t get anywhere. I’m just a nice guy with a heart. I promise that I won’t treat you like that ever.”

“You promise?” I asked my voice definitely starting to crack. I hadn’t talked to anyone about the boys I had dated, nobody knew about the shit they had done to me.

“Y/n. I promise that I’ll be better than they were. I can’t say that I don’t have my issues and things I need to work on, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want this to not work. We both have to put in the effort for this to work.” Sam said.

“I  know that this is early and that you’re still hurting, but I want to be with you. I want this to work for you. We can go slow, we can go fast. Anything you are comfortable with. I just want to be in your corner Y/n.” Sam said.

Completed 01/17/2021 

[choco-glow]

Fall Like Rain On Sunday, Pt. 9

“Asshole cop.” Jason grumbled as they walked back towards the truck, and Steph giggled wildly, her lipstick only just cleaned up from the wipes she kept in her bag, eyes dancing as they made their way through the crowded Saturday night boardwalk, said asshole cop glaring behind them. Sure, they maybe got a little too into making out on the bench, but Jason had been so thrilled by her reference, and Steph was just…absolutely in love with Jason. So. Y’know. One thing led to another and Jason’s hand had crept up her skirt while she’d straddled his lap…

And then Officer O’Grady had blown his whistle. Right in their ears.

“I agree…sorry he got your bad side…” Jason shot her a grateful smile, and she kissed his cheek softly, all sympathy. The explosion when he was fifteen had ruptured his eardrum, and high-pitched sounds bothered the hell out of him on his left side still, which was why his helmet had specialized protective ear guards, and he wore sound-reducing plugs with his domino. It…was perhaps one of the few things that Bruce and Jason had bonded over; Bruce used similar ones for his own cowl, and had adapted Jason’s with regard to the minor hearing loss.

“Eh…At least it didn’t make my tinnitus start up. All he had to do was cough or somethin’…” Steph agreed, and rubbed his back soothingly, smiling as Jason squeezed her shoulder and kissed her temple. As much as she’d liked the idea of the Ferris Wheel…O’Grady was following, she could sense his eyes on her ass, and evidently, so could Jason; he raised his free arm to flip the cop off and hugged her a little closer, arm sliding down to wrap around her waist. Not to grope her, not that Steph would have minded…but she smiled, snuggling in close anyway. It was possessive without making her the possession.

Makes Dean look like the pervert he was. Creep. And Jason and I are what…three years apart? She made a few mental calculations and nodded to herself, satisfied; they were right at three years and two months apart, and while she and Tim were the same age…she had more in common with Jay. More shared life experience, too…

“Babe? You okay there? You look like you’re a million miles away…” Jason murmured, pausing at the entrance to the carpark, and Steph shook herself, smiling up at him.

“Yeah…sorry, was just…thinking about things.”

“…Good things? Bad things?”

“A little bad, then a little good. I promise, I’m okay…just…maybe more tired than I realized.” She winced at that, but Jason just chuckled, warm and sweet.

“I don’t doubt it, we were both up early. As fun as the bench was…how about we head back and get some rest, hmm?”

“Yes please…Um…do…you mind if I ask you to take me home?” His eyes softened at that, dark green with the night, and he kissed her softly, guiding her back over the gravel with care.

“Not at all, sweetheart; besides, I don’t put out on the first date.” Steph burst into giggles at that, and Jason snickered, helping her back up into the truck. He hopped over the hood, every inch the reckless Bat-boy, which made Steph break into more giggles. Joining her in the cab, he swooped in for a kiss that Steph gladly gave, and carefully got them out of the parking space, bitching a little about idiot tourists and shitty drivers as he made his way to the road again. “Goddamn fuckin’ cop could be over here clearing this mess out…”

“At least Penguin’s men have it well-lit again; the city didn’t do shit about that.” Steph growled out, suddenly feeling far more charitable to Cobblepot and his crew. Whatever else Oswald might have once been, fatherhood seemed to have mellowed him immensely, and his mostly-legit wealth was going into things like lighting the Mile, same with Bruce; hell, Bruce had even sent baby gifts, both has Wayne and Batman, since Cobblepot had largely dropped out of the Rogues’ with the birth of his daughter.

“Yeah, I think B thanked him for it the other day, Barb was shocked on the comms because they actually had a polite conversation; he asked about Robin, B asked about Tracey and little Eugenie.”

“Awwwww…I’ll get a purple penguin for her when I go out on patrol tomorrow.” Jason chuckled at that, and Steph relaxed into his shoulder, fine with taking the back roads home to her apartment. Here too, the little improvements had made things better for everyone, not just the wealthy Gothamites; lights brightened the once gloomy alleys, and people, feeling safer, had begun cleaning them up. Dumpsters had been moved to the backs of the buildings, and play areas built, full of beat up toys. Old sawhorses and a few semi-straight boards sporting carefully repaired flowerpots full of cheap herbs and little flowers leaned against the brownstones, painted bright with cheap acrylic and leftover housepaint.

Graffiti artists, once the bane of the neighborhoods, had been given purpose and permission to express themselves via the Wayne Urban Art grants, and now murals of every color covered the once ugly cement walls. Meanwhile the old abandoned lots, once ignored by the city, had been bought up by Wayne Industries and given to the neighborhoods as small leisure areas, with young saplings and soft grass and little free gardens, tended carefully by gardeners hired by Bruce himself.

Crime still ran rampant, of course; hell, that’s why they still had patrols.

But more and more, that crime was white-collar or supervillain; the average Joe was happy to have a good job again, and a place to call home that wasn’t covered in trash and grime. Petty criminals with a family to feed or a dangerous addiction had more avenues for help now, with flyers on every corner, and kind counselors available night and day. And the only requirement was only “if you know someone else who needs us, please bring them here.” Steph approved of that, as did Jason, and Bruce had only smiled and said “I thought of you two when we set that up.” Highest compliment he’s ever given us, I think…it…it really has made a difference. Just in my life alone…

Crystal Brown had been among the first he’d welcomed to the program, and Steph had broken down crying on Bruce’s shoulder the day her mom had come home clean. Really clean now; whatever else might have happened between them, Steph was just glad to have her mom back…and Jason had had much the same reaction, so Alfred had told her, when Roy’d gone through it too. Roy was Jay’s best friend in the whole world…she smiled a little. I’d almost be jealous, but…Cass is my best friend. And if Cass swung that way, I’d have dated her in a heartbeat, I think…I’m not mad that he and Roy were a pair. I’m just glad they’re still friends.

“Gotta say, B’s really made home feel a lot less gentrified, and more…”

“Alive.” She murmured, and Jason nodded, his voice a little tight as he pulled into her apartment’s lot.

“…I was worried, when he started this, that it’d be the Bowery all over again.” He murmured, and she squeezed his arm, taking a deep breath.

“Me too, if we’re being honest here. But…it’s not. It’s not. It’s…what we would have wanted. Hell, he even retrofitted the Starlight with green tech so that the Narrows’ best babysitter didn’t have to close down.” He laughed, soft and sweet, and kissed her forehead.

“Tell me about it, I begged him to bankroll it when I was a kid because…well, it’s the last original roller rink on the East Coast. I couldn’t bear to see it torn down. I think he started doing it after I died…kinda sweet, to be honest.”

“That’s what I would have done…Ooh. We should go skating next time.” Steph mused, and Jason’s answer was in a hot, sweet kiss, his eyes dancing in the streetlights.

“It’s a date. C’mon, I’ll walk you to your door?” He suggested, offering his hand, and Steph let him pull her out, heart as light as a feather. He was easy to lean into, not handsy in the slightest, big hands rubbing up and down her back, and already, Steph was boneless against his chest, drowsing as they rode the elevator back up. Their hands clasped, Steph swung them a little as they pulled apart, yawning widely as the elevator stopped and she could lead him back down to her apartment door, pulling out her key.

“Mmn…thank you. I love you…and I hope this is still okay?” She murmured, hopeful and more than a little nervous. Jason kissed her again, then once more, and bussed her nose with his own, the smile on his lips as clear a confirmation as the words…but she liked hearing him anyway.

“I love you too, babe, and this is so okay. Get some rest, alrighty? Tim took our patrol tonight, B sent me an apology text earlier, so we’re good till tomorrow.”

“Good. Bastard should know better than to get between me and waffles.” The roguish grin on Jason’s face made her grin back, and he stroked her hair back over her ear again, something she never let Dean or Tim do, because it felt…weird with them. It felt right with Jay.

“Goddamn right, Blondie. Sleep tight, babe, can I bring you waffles in the morning, or are you waffled out?”

“Jay, if you bring me waffles in the morning, I’ll put out, alright? Waffles are life.” She retorted, and he fell back with a snicker, shaking his head as he kissed her.

“Well hell, if it’s really that easy, babe…” She swatted his arm, still grinning, and he kissed her once more, leaning into her doorway in a gesture that should have felt intimidating…but like before, well…it was Jay. It felt right. Steph kissed him back, sighing softly, and he pulled back to kiss her in the center of her forehead. “Head to bed, babe, I’m not far off. If you need anything, call me, okay?”

“Mmn, sounds good…are you really gonna bring me waffles?” She replied, hopeful, and he grinned again, his smile as addictive as his kisses.

“Goddamn right I will, babe. What time works?”

“Probably eight, at least? I need to get up early, do housework, do homework…” She made a face, and he made a face with her.

“Ugh. Well, I can help with the former, and as for the latter, I can be a quiet boyfriend and clean my guns?”

“Deal…See you then?” Steph wanted to crash, she really did, she was yawning so much now…but she didn’t want him to go…

“See you then. Goodnight, Stephie.” He murmured, kissing her once more, then closed the door for her. She leaned against it, listening to him slip down the stairs, and smiled, stepping out of her sandals with a groan of relief (they were cute, but she was tired enough for them to start hurting finally), and made quick work of taking off the rest of her make up, hanging up her dress, changing into comfy undies and a huge tee shirt. Taking down her hair, she glanced over at her phone…and grinned to see his number light up on the screen. She swiped to answer, and leaned back against the pillows.

“Miss me already, handsome?” He chuckled, warm and low, and it didn’t matter that she’d been hearing it all night; she could hear it a million times, and never get tired of it.

“You know it, baby. Figured you’d probably have trouble getting to sleep, as tired as you were, so…I thought maybe I could read to you?” He sounded so hopeful over the line, and Steph’s breath hitched in her chest. Oh…

“…I’d really, really like that. What did you have in mind?” She could see his grin as she closed her eyes, and heard the soft sound of pages turning, the faintest creak of an old book opening.

“Well, I always loved Pride and Prejudice…”

[unnuevosoltransformalarealidad]

Twelve Days of Chrismas

Title: Twelve Days Of Christmas Summary: Christmas is close and you want to thank the boys for all they did for you. Pairing: Winchester Brothers x Reader Prompt: Square Twelve Days Of Christmas Warnings: Fluff, Christmas, Gifts, Family Word Count: 1423 This was written for the SPN Christmas Bingo of @spnchristmasbingo​

^

You’ve met the boys when you were little, your dads ran into the same hunt and they worked together while Dean took care of you and Sam. 

Some years later you ran with them on a werewolf pack hunt. It was really good to see them again, you really enjoyed the time with them. They were amazing friends. After that hunt, you exchange numbers with them and promised to call whenever either of you needed some backup.

That promise led you to call them a year later when you were hunting a wendigo, you’ve never hunted one before, and you knew that they did. You texted them the location and waited for them. The hunt went pretty well, the boys were able to kill it, unlike you, you weren’t much of help, the wendigo hurt you pretty bad, you ended up with a broken leg and a deep cut on your back. Dean mentioned they had a permanent place to live now and they offer you to stay with them until you made a full recovery. You accepted happily, you didn’t have a place to stay, and now, you needed one to recover. 

Almost two years later, you were living with them at the bunker along with Cas and Jack. You were very thankful to them for helping you throughout your recovery, and to offer a place to stay and become one of them. You bonded more with Sam than with Dean. Dean was always over-protecting you, being the big tough brother instead of Sam being such a sweet teddy bear.  The holidays were coming closer and you wanted to give them something in exchange for everything they did over the past few years.  You were aware that the guys never celebrated the holidays. Neither of you lived a normal life, but unlike them, your dad tried to do stuff like regular people.  You wanted to give them something to remember that they are not just hunters, that they are a family, your family as well, and you’ve come up with a perfect plan to reminded them of everything.

The boys had left for a hunt, and you were alone with Jack. You were in the war room preparing a list of everything you needed to buy for your plan.

-Hi! — Jack interrupted -Hey Jack! — you greeted the boy with a smile -What are you doing? — the kid asked curiously -I’m making a list of some stuff I need to buy -You’re going on a supply run? — he asked you confused — Dean went yesterday — he added -No, Jack. Come here — you said to the kid — but you have to promise me that you won’t say anything -Ok. I promise I won’t say anything — Jack agreed -We are going to celebrate Christmas this year -But we’ve never celebrated it before — Jack admitted -I know. That’s why this year is going to be different. — you said — I want to show Sam and Dean that we are a family and that it’s okay to take some time off to celebrate. I just want to thank them for everything they did for me — you explained -And, how are you going to do that? — Jack asked -Do you know the song “Twelve Days of Christmas?” — Jack shook his head — It’s an old carol song where someone received twelve gifts from their lover for twelve days, starting on Christmas Day.  -But Christmas is in like three weeks — Jack mentioned -I know, but instead of starting on Christmas, I want to start twelve days before Christmas, so they can open the last gift on Christmas Eve -Oh, I see. If you don’t mind, I would like to help you — Jack said excitedly -Of course, you can help me. Let’s go to the store then — you grabbed the car keys and you left the bunker with Jack.

The following days, Jack and you reunited in one of the empty rooms to prepare everything. The boys didn’t know what you were up to, but they were glad that you and Jack were spending time together.

On December 12th, you and Jack left a little package on Sam and Dean’s doors as well on Cass’s door. The first gift was a little tree hanger in a heart shape with a little note with some instructions

Hey there! Welcome to the first day of the Twelve Days of Christmas. Tonight you are receiving this as a reminder that you are loved.  For the next eleven days, you will be receiving more gifts. With love!

Sam and Dean knew that Y/N had a thing for the holidays, they weren’t going to complain about this, they wanted to know how far she would go with this. The following days, Y/N and Jack gave Sam, Dean and, Cass their gifts. Halfway through, Dean caught them sneaking into his room with his gift. After that day, they just gave them the gifts personally.

On the day 11th, December 23rd, Y/N send Sam and Dean on a hunt, it wasn’t far away and it wasn’t complicated either, just a simple salt and burn, but it was going to give her enough time to finish everything in the bunker. When the guys came back from the hunt, Y/N send them to shower, changed their clothing and when they were finished, dinner was going to be served. Half an hour later, Jack, Cass, Sam, Dean, and Y/N were eating dinner, chatting, and having some quality time all together.  Close to midnight, Y/N and Jack gave the boys the last gift.

Hey there! Welcome to day twelve of this Twelve Days of Christmas! Today’s gift is all about being thankful. Let’s get all twelve (or so 😉) gifts and let’s gathered together in the library! Thank you!

Sometime later, all of you were in the library in front of a tree.

-Y/N, what’s all this? — Dean asked -Y/N and I wanted to thank you guys for all you did for us — Jack said -As Jack said, I wanted to thank you guys, for taking care of me, for letting me be part of your family, for letting me stay here, for letting me be part of something — you took a breath — For letting me be a Winchester — you finished with a tear falling down your cheek -You don’t have to thank us, sweetheart — Dean said -I do. And this is the only way I came up to it. I’m sorry if I trespassed — you said kind of disappointed -You don’t have to apologize Y/N/N. This is beautiful, you didn’t have to do all this for us — Sam said -So, the last part of this is that we decorate the tree together, as a family. — you said with a shy smile Everything went silent for a minute until Jack talked -Can we do this the next year? — he asked and you all laughed breaking the uncomfortable silence -I would love that — Dean said hugging you All of you decorated the tree, it was something beautiful to see, and because Jack is the younger member of the family, he set the star at the top.

-We have a gift for you Y/N/N — Sam said -What? Guys… — you said already crying -Come on, open it — Dean encouraged you handing it to you You weren’t expecting that gift at all. It was a picture frame with a picture of the five of you on your last birthday -Maybe we aren’t blood-related, but as a wise man said once “family don’t end with blood” — Dean said -And from the very beginning, you’ve been part of us — Sam said hugging you and kissed your forehead -When I called you two years ago for that hunt, I’ve never imagined I was going to find a family. I was lost, alone, and never fit anywhere, but then, you’ve welcomed me here, and suddenly I felt part like it was meant to be. Thank you for letting me be part -Thank you for letting us in — Cass said hugging you as well

You’ve never felt this loved since your dad passed away. Like Dean said before, you may not be blood-related, but they were your family now, and you loved them with all your heart. You couldn’t have got a better Christmas gift.

Tag List (if you want to be added let me know)

@iguessweallcrazyithinktho | @void-hoechlin | @mrspeacem1nusone | @thevelvetseries | @bitchy-witchy-post-mortem | @caplanbuckybarnes | @akshi8278 | @luci-in-trenchcoats​ | @supernatural-jackles​

[lowkeysaurus]

Queen of My Heart ; Draco Malfoy

summary: draco’s always loved watching you do your hair. prompt: "until that day, you know you are the queen of my heart.” requested? “ would you be open to doing a draco x black fem reader where they have a kid and she’s teaching how to do their hair :) and then draco can’t help but to boast that he did their hair everytime his family or someone compliments it :) “ pairings: draco malfoy/reader warnings: n/a, pure fluff notes: black!female!reader

Copyright Disclaimer under section 107 of the Copyright Act of 1976, allowance is made for “fair use” for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, education and research, thereby I do not own the rights to any of the characters shown in the below writing.

Draco had always loved watching you do your hair. The first time he’d met you, he’d been absolutely enamored. He’d seen people of colour before of course, he wasn’t surprised by that, but by the simple and yet elegant way your hair was done. He’d quickly befriended you and he’d always been very respectful, had been willing to listen to you complain about your struggles, how it always took ages to do your hair, how social prejudice held you back from doing the things you love even as a child, and how dehumanizing it was for random people to come up and ask you if they could touch your hair. He remembered your words clearly, it was fourth year, shortly before you’d begun dating; “I hate it, Draco. I get it, they like my hair, but for years I’ve been treated differently for it and I just want it to stop. It’s like they treat me like a dog, like they can just come up and ask my owner if they can pet me. I’m not an animal, for merlin’s sake.” she’d ranted, head laying in his lap as his hand stroked her arm, thumb rubbing in circular patterns. Back then he’d thanked the heavens that he’d never asked that, he’d never want to make you feel like that. Maybe that’s why it didn’t shock him when he’d lashed out that one time in fourth year when everyone was putting their names in the goblet, one of the durmstrang boys had been walking confidently down the aisle, trying to subtly edge around him to get to the goblet, and had pat your hair and winked at you in passing. Maybe the boy had thought he was being kind, but Draco had watched your face fall and your hands clasp in your eyes, and within seconds his fist had flew forward and, with a mighty crack, he’d broken the boy’s nose. he’d got detention for to weeks for physical assault, but he’d never felt sorry for what he’d done. When asked by Dumbledore in his office to apologize, he’d refused. He remembered your look of awe as he spoke; “With all due respect, I’m not going to apologize for something I’m not sorry for, Professor.” You kissed him after you’d both left the office, knocked the wind right out of him in fact, and gained yourself an evening’s detention from Snape for indecent behavior and public displays of affection.

These days it was both the same and different. You have a son and a daughter, Scorpius and Cassiopeia, Cass for short. Scorpius took after his father for the most part, his skin an orange-brown, almost tawny in shade, though his hair was the same as yours; cloudy, luxurious umber curls. He has his father’s eyes, however; a striking, icy blue-grey. Cass, though, at the age of seven wasn’t particularly satisfied with her hair. She went to a normal wizarding primary school, though she’d quickly noticed how her hair was much different from the others, how her skin was much different too. The first time she’d questioned her father about it, you could swear he had a heart attack. Draco wasn’t the most skilled on 4C hair, in any departments, whether it was actually doing it or just knowing about it. That being said, he’d tried to use you as an example of how beautiful her natural hair was, only for you to walk through the door wearing a weave. To say he felt like crap in that moment was an understatement. After she’d walked off to her room, her shoulders down and her feet dragging dejectedly, he’d explained everything to you. The next day, Draco took Scorpius to get his hair done; he’d come back with a fade and finger-waves, and your daughter had loved it. Scorpius had too, but he was much less vocal about it; he went to school with Blaise’s son, and he’d made friends with Dean Thomas’s daughter, too, and he was also just on a whole not as bothered about hair. Your daughter, though, couldn’t stop gushing. She’d tug on her father’s hand incessantly, eyes wide and bright as ever while her lips pulled into the widest smile he’d seen her wear in weeks, and asked if he could do her hair. He agreed, he’d never been able to refuse the true queen of his heart; only to have to get you to show him how to do it on your own head the same night. You were exhausted the next day, it took some time to teach him and the tugging at your scalp from both of you had left your head sore, and Draco was equally as tired, and so the day after that he’d sat your daughter down in front of your dressing table and he’d done her hair. The style they had decided on was crochet braids. The day before, you’d gone out and bought the bundles even as tired as you were, and today he set to work. It took hours, as Draco wasn’t the most experienced. They took plenty of breaks when his back began to hurt, or when her neck began to hurt, or her head or his fingers, but they got it done. And oh, didn’t she look beautiful. Your husband had done his best to achieve the look she wanted, and while not the neatest, he’d kept going until he got it right. He’d tried his very best, and she looked amazing. To you, you could see how some of the curls had gotten loose with all the fiddling, how some of the braids weren’t as tight as they would have been if you’d done it, but you were so very proud of him anyway. Cass insisted on calling her friends, Lily and Rose and their brothers over to show them her hair. You’d tried to compromise with sending pictures to their parents, knowing how Draco hadn’t been the best of friends with their parents during school, but she’d insisted, and Draco had always been soft for his daughter. Scorpius had managed to wrangle you into calling Blaise and Dean over too, and by extension Seamus and Neville, and with Ron, Hermione, Harry and Ginny came George and Luna, too. To say the manor was full that day was an understatement. Lucius and Narcissa still stayed with you, though Draco’s grandfather had died while you were still at school, and Narcissa had insisted on Andromeda and Teddy coming too. You didn’t object, only watched all of the children play with Draco and Dean, dogpiling the two adults while joyful laughter filled the air. You sipped your tea and hummed, smiling as Draco eventually escaped and made his way towards your. When Hermione turned to you with a wide grin on her face and laid her hand on your shoulder, you paused at her words, allowing Draco to speak. You watched with barely concealed pride as her eyes widened in surprise, and she began to giggle along with Harry and Ron, and Blaise jabbed at your husbands ribs in jest. “Oh, don’t go complimenting her like that, Granger. That was all me.” You could never be prouder.

[nokomiss]

@deadtedkord replied to your post “I’m still up for taking fic prompts! Let me know if there’s something...”

not to pop up w angst but maybe something about either bruce or steph keeping tabs on steph's adopted baby years down the line. not getting involved just, checking in every now and again to make sure that kid is safe and happy and never has to know the pain that they do. make me CRY 2020

Okay this skirts the line of ‘not getting involved’ as steph’s baby does make an appearance but this wouldn’t leave me alone! hope you enjoy <3

*

It was a slow night in Gotham, which just… didn’t feel right to Steph. So instead of cutting her Batgirl patrol short and heading home to study for the midterm she had in two days, she hit up the comms to see if anyone else needed a hand.  

Robin and Nightwing were fine, apparently eating falafels and chatting with some stray cats after interrupting a carjacking.  Tim was off with Young Justice, Jason was with the Outlaws, Babs was doing some fairly intense cold-case research that Steph knew would end with her sneezing over some dusty police file and Cass was having a movie night with Alfred.  

Steph finally asked Bruce, knowing that he always had something going on.

Being left out of a case is fine -- they all do their own investigations, there’s nothing at all unusual about that -- but there was something about the sharpness of Bruce’s voice when he said, “You’re not needed, Batgirl,” that hit Steph the wrong way.

It had felt personal, in a way things between them hadn’t in a long while.

So Steph did what she did best: ignored the hell out of Bruce’s pettiness and showed up anyway.

Immediately she could tell that she wasn’t actually needed.  The kidnappers weren’t exactly supervillain material.  The kids were unharmed and locked in a room together.

She couldn’t figure out why Bruce had tried to keep her away.

She helped zip-tie the kidnappers, who Bruce had dealt with quickly and easily while she’d still been assessing the situation and trying to find whatever hidden threat she was meant to stay away from.

And it was Bruce that she was dealing with, she realized suddenly. There was a stiffness in his shoulders, a tightness in his jaw showing that he was uncomfortable with something, and that wasn’t a Batman trait at all.  

Only the fact that the kidnappers were still conscious -- albeit dazed -- kept her from asking what was up. 

“You can go now,” Bruce said. He still hadn’t unlocked the door the kids were behind, even though Steph knew that they’d been there for hours. 

“What? There are like five kids in there,” Steph said. “I’ll help. Kids love Batgirl.”

That strange twist of his mouth again, and then Bruce said, “Okay.”

It sounded almost like he was trying to convince himself that it was a good idea.

Steph rolled her eyes as she unlocked the door. The kids themselves were totally unharmed, and the kidnappers had clearly known what they were doing in one respect: the room was stocked in juice boxes and tablets, and the kids were for the most part calmly playing games.  They ranged between roughly four and six years old, and there were loud gasps of joy when Batgirl and Batman barged into the room.

There was no clear-cut demographic of the children -- two boys, three girls, a variety of ethnicities, though Steph noticed they all wore nice clothes, clearly no hand-me-downs, and their shoes were trendy and had clean soles.  Chosen for their parents’ wallet size instead of anything more nefarious, most likely, which made Steph relieved.  

Steph’s checking the kids over, making sure everyone’s physically and mentally good when one of the girls says, “Thank you for saving us, Batgirl!”

Steph looks at her directly for the first time and felt her heart drop.

She knew that face. She’d seen it a thousand times, she’d seen it in the pictures her mom still had hanging in the hallway from her childhood. The same eyes, the same baby-fine blonde hair, the same wide smile. Other things were different -- she couldn’t stop staring, couldn’t stop seeing the shape of her mom’s jaw, her dad’s ears, and her loser ex-boyfriend Dean’s freckles and eyebrows.  

It felt like she was frozen, like the way she felt in dreams sometimes, like the air itself had solidified and moving just took too much effort.  

She could feel Bruce’s presence behind her, heard the rumble of his voice letting the kids knew that their parents would be so proud of how brave they were being, that the bad people were going to jail, that help was on its way.

She blinked, and everything rushed back into focus. And she was still standing there, dressed as Batgirl, while the girl she’d given birth to beamed up at Batman like he was the most amazing thing she’d ever seen.

“You’re welcome,” Steph tells her daughter. 

The girl smiles and flings her arms around Steph’s waist.  Her face is pressed into Steph’s belly, just inches away from the c-section scar, and Steph rests her hand on her back, wishes that she wasn’t wearing gloves so that she could feel how warm and alive and present she was.  

It’s a moment she never thought she’d have - that she’d never really wanted to have, if she’s honest, because she knew that if she held her daughter she might never let go -- and it’s over before she knows it.  The girl lets go, hurries back to the other kids, beaming and saying, “I hugged Batgirl!” like it’s the biggest accomplishment of her life.

One look at Bruce and what she already knows is true is confirmed beyond a doubt; he’s watching her carefully, like she’s something that might break. Like she’s in danger of doing something dumb.

She shook her head lightly at him, trying to show without words that she’s not going to break, that she’s not going to try to do something stupid, that she’s-- 

That she’s happy and sad and trying very, very hard not to think about the fact that her daughter is four years old and has survived her first kidnapping.  

They lead the kids out of the room, shielding them from the kidnappers with their capes. Bruce lets her accompany her daughter, holding her hand and marveling at the way her little fingers curled perfectly into Steph’s, the way her daughter held her head high, tears unshed.  

“You are so, so brave,” Steph tells her, because she’s never going to have this chance again, and she’s wearing a mask, and her daughter is looking at her with something akin to hero-worship in her eyes. Steph remembers being little and seeing Batman and the way the thought of heroes out there making the world safer had made her feel, and it twists something inside all sharp and intense to think of her daughter feeling that when looking at Steph. “Always remember that. You’re incredible, and your parents are so lucky to have you.” Quieter, because she had the chance, and she knew better than to squander a chance -- “Your mother’s so proud of you.”

“She’s gonna be, I didn’t cry hardly at all,” the girl says, and Steph’s heart twists again, because there’s sweetness and love and pride in her expression at the thought of her mom seeing how brave she was. This is a girl who is happy, who is loved, who will have the best possible life.

Steph smiled at her as widely as she could and waved, not trusting her voice. 

Before she leaves, she sees a woman break through the line of cops and cry out, “Hope!”

Steph’s daughter runs into the woman’s arms, and just like that, the spell is broken, and she’s not Steph’s daughter anymore. She’s someone else’s daughter, a woman who is sobbing with relief that her little girl is unharmed, who is clinging her daughter so tight that the girl -- Hope, her name is Hope -- is pushing away at her, is laughing and talking a mile a minute about her ordeal, and Steph hears her voice, crystal-clear, say, “Batgirl rescued me, Momma, she said I was brave.”

Steph barely makes it out of sight -- there’s a building, two blocks over, and the roof has an abandoned, overgrown garden, and Steph likes to go there, sometimes. She’s standing in the overgrown garden and Bruce is hugging her, and she’s laughing and crying all at once. 

“Hope,” she says into Bruce’s chest, conscious of the fact that minutes before, she’d been holding her own daughter like this. “You knew that already, didn’t you?”

“You know I’ve been keeping track of her.” Bruce’s voice is gentle,  “Do you want to know anything else?”

Steph shakes her head, still pressed tight against the Batsuit -- the smell of kevlar and sweat and faintly, leather -- but then asks, terrified of the answer, “That-- she hasn’t had experiences like that before, right?”

She doesn’t even really want to know the answer, doesn’t want to know if her daughter had been doomed from the start, if her bad luck was somehow genetic, but Bruce replies. “She’s never been targeted before, no. She handled herself admirably.”

“She did, didn’t she?” Steph said, obscurely proud. She doesn’t really want to but she lets go of Bruce, steps back to sit on a wrought-iron bench.  In the daylight it would be scorching hot, but at night, the metal is cool and inviting.  

Bruce sits beside her.

“I know I shouldn’t have gone,” Steph says, because acknowledging her own fuck-ups is something she’s used to, “and I’m glad you tried to keep me away.”

“I didn’t intend for you to find out about this,” Bruce said. “I know the topic is… painful.”

Steph opened her mouth to tell Bruce he had no idea, to try to put to words the conflicting swirl of emotions-- not regret, exactly, because she knew with bone-deep certainty that she’d made the right decision to not raise her daughter, to keep her away from the wreckage that had been her life the past few years, but a more abstract feeling of sadness that the circumstances had been necessary at all in the first place. A wish of what might have been, had she been older, had she been prepared, had she not grown up the way she had.  A thought that at some point in the future, things might be different.

But then she realized that Bruce, out of everyone, actually would understand. He had children. 

“My mom told me,” Steph began, unsure as to how Bruce would take this, but knowing she had to set the words free that were bubbling up in her throat, “that kids, whether or not they were yours, are the one thing in the world guaranteed to break your heart.  Because you want so much for them, you want them to have everything that you never had, that could never possibly be, and that-- that it’s impossible. You can’t remake the world, can’t make it a kinder place. You just have to live with it. That loving a child meant pinning your heart to your sleeve, and having to suffer the consequences.”

Bruce didn’t say anything, but reached over and clasped her hand in his own. 

“I think-- I think she might have been wrong. About not being and to remake the world, because that’s what we do every night. And she was right, but… I know she didn’t want me to go through everything I had.” Looking back, she’d been a lot younger than she’d realized when she’d been pregnant. Just a few scant years older than Damian, and he was so firmly a child in her mind that it made her reconsider all those feelings she’d had at the time of being grown-up.  She hadn’t felt it at the time, but she was older now, had a world of experiences that shone a light on exactly how young she’d been when she’d gotten pregnant.

She knew that to Bruce, she likely still was a child. Right now, she didn’t feel it. 

“Like, I knew she was out in the world before,” Steph said. “But now… She’s real, in a way that she wasn’t before.”

“Her life is significantly safer than ours,” Bruce said, reassuringly. She could hear the truth of it in his voice, trusted him on this.  Then he said, “I knew you didn’t want to see her.” There was no condemnation in his voice, only understanding, but Steph felt compelled to defend herself anyway. 

“I wanted to see her so badly,” she said. She couldn’t look at Bruce, just looked at the tangle of dying plants around them, at the Gotham skyline, all soft lights and sharp edges, beyond that. “It felt like losing part of myself at first, but I knew… I knew what her life would be if I kept her. What my life would be.”  She took a deep breath. “If I’d held her, and wasn’t strong enough to let her go afterwards, I would have been condemning us both.”

Now it seemed unfathomable. She wouldn’t be Batgirl now, she knew that much. Would never have been Robin. Spoiler might have been laid to the wayside, like it had when she’d been pregnant, but she remembered how she’d longed to go out in the night even when her belly made her waddle and struggle to sit up. Likely she still would have figured out a way.

But she wouldn’t have taken the risks she had. Wouldn’t have thrown herself into things as wildly. She probably wouldn’t have died, wouldn’t have broken her mother’s heart, wouldn’t have caused all the grief she could still sometimes see in Tim and Cass’s face when it was alluded to.

Instead, she knew the path her life would have taken: trying at first to stay in school, but working long hours. Her mom being forced to babysit every spare moment, life turning into a never ending scheduling conflict. Quitting school in favor of a minimum wage paycheck and abandoning hope of becoming something greater, something more. She might have managed a nursing degree, her own mother had with an infant at home, but she’d seen that path, too. 

She wouldn’t be here, now: sitting on a rooftop with Batman, filled with a flurry of might-have-beens, having just saved a roomful of children who looked up to her with something akin to worship. Wouldn’t be worrying about a midterm in biology. 

And the woman she’d seen, the one who’d loved her daughter enough to elbow her way through a police line, wouldn’t have that. 

“She looked so loved,” Steph said.

“She has good parents,” Bruce said. “She’s taken care of. Cherished.”

“She seemed okay, and the kidnappers were jokes, but they didn’t… this isn’t going to hurt her, is it?”  Steph had been kidnapped plenty, had been involved in various criminal acts even younger, and she knew it had skewed the way she looked at the world. 

“She attends a preschool,” Bruce said. “They were meant to be going on a field trip to a farm outside of town. One of the kidnappers disguised themselves as the van driver, while the others distracted the teachers. One of the other children on board’s father is the director of a medical group, I understand that there are delays with getting treatment for the child of one of the kidnappers. She was never harmed.”

Oh. That explained the juice boxes, they loved their own child enough to do something desperate to save them.

“That kid’s going to get the treatment it needs, right?” Steph already knew the answer but asked anyway.

“They’ll get a letter from Wayne Memorial this week,” Bruce confirmed.

Steph had another question, one that Bruce likely wouldn’t answer. Shouldn’t answer, but she wanted confirmation. “Did… Does it feel different, with Damian, from the others?”

Bruce took a minute to think, long enough that she knew he was answering her underlying question with care. “At first. The others, I chose. I brought them in, I thought it through, I knew them and wanted them in my life. Wanted to make a home for them. I didn’t choose him. And at first, if anything, it was harder.”

Steph listened. She wasn’t sure if Bruce had ever spoken of this out loud.

“But then it was like he’d always been a part of my life, just like the others, a part that was irreplaceable and unique but that I loved in the same way.” 

That settled something within her, something she hadn’t realized was bothering her. 

A long pause, then Steph broke the silence. “How do you do it?”

Bruce looked at her, waiting for clarification.

“Send your kids out there every night,” Steph said.  She could still feel the way her heart had dropped when she’d realized that her daughter was in danger, and couldn’t fathom what it would be like knowing her child was out trying to punch supervillains in the face. “Doesn’t it scare you?”

“Every day,” Bruce said. “Every night.”

She wondered if he was thinking about Jason’s death, about all the close calls. About how Damian flung himself into danger so recklessly, like he still believed he was invincible. The way all kids thought they were invincible. About Dick, Tim, Cass. About all of his children, choosing the fight over safety every time.

 She wondered if he was thinking about her in Leslie’s clinic, clutching his hand and dying.

Bruce continued, looking down at their currently clasped hands. “I have faith in their ability to keep themselves as safe as possible. I train them as best I can, make sure they have the best equipment. Try to always know where they are, in case I can help. But mostly… your mother was right. Having kids is putting a piece of yourself out in the world and not knowing if it’s safe or not, and being grateful for every day that it is.”

He’d been careful with his words, never said you, but Steph could feel the weight of a small fortune’s worth of equipment and technology in her suit, in her belt. The communicators that shared her location. 

The way he’d tried to protect her by trying to keep her away tonight, so that she wouldn’t have to face this complicated churn of emotions.

She rested her head on his shoulder and mumbled, “Thank you. For everything.”

She felt him shift, and the slightest hint of pressure as he pressed a kiss into the top of her cowl.  

“There’s a file, if you want to know more about her.”

She’d known that, from the moment she’d made him promise to keep her baby safe.  She knew Bruce didn’t do half-measures, that he took each promise he made as a lifelong commitment.  She’d known that, and she’d never consciously thought about it, because it was too much. “No, I think-- I think I saw enough.”

She’d seen a child deeply loved, a child that was brave and beautiful and bright.  That flung herself at heroes, safe in the knowledge that they were only there to help.

She’d seen all she needed to know that her daughter was living the life she’d hoped to have herself as a child. That she was living the life that Steph had hoped for when she’d signed those papers.  

That this was one glorious instance of one of her choices going exactly right.

[darkstar6782]

4.16: On the Head of a Pin - My Rewatch Review

This episode always leaves me weirdly conflicted, because I love almost everything about it, and yet it is one of the most difficult episodes for me to rewatch, because it drags both Sam and Dean down to new lows both in their personal trials and in their relationship, and then just leaves them there. And while this may be the lowest we see Dean get during this particular story arc, it is a really dark place that the story chooses to drag him to and leave him, and even though we don’t get as much of Sam and what he’s going through, the revelation that he has been getting his new-found demon-defeating powers by drinking Ruby’s blood is also a really dark revelation, and it is made worse by the knowledge that Sam has a whole lot deeper to sink before he will reach bottom and start to rise again.

But this episode is Dean’s story, for the most part, and the revelations about his part in the oncoming Apocalypse are as soul-crushing for anyone who loves his character as they are for Dean himself. It breaks my heart every time to watch his reactions to Alastair’s revelations, first about comparing him to John, and how John never broke while Dean did, and then to discover that through that breaking, the first Seal was broken, starting the Apocalypse. Dean’s reaction to this knowledge is 100% in-character, and 100% devastating. The boy who wanted nothing more than to be like his father, and to make his father proud, the boy who wanted to be a hero and who just wanted to save people from monsters and protect his little brother, the boy who was only in Hell because he sold his soul to save Sam’s life... It was bad enough when he just had to live with the guilt of all those souls he tortured, and the fact that he enjoyed doing it, but now he has to also live with the weight of the knowledge that everything that has happened as a result of the oncoming Apocalypse, every person that has died in the breaking of or defense of a Seal (including Pamela) is also tied into his decision to step off the rack and become the torturer. Add to that the fact that the angels only saved him because he still has a part to play, and that all of this is his destiny now, and has likely always been... It’s no wonder that it breaks him, and it makes me want to take him away from the writers and wrap him in blankets and never let anything bad happen to him ever again.

But it also makes me want to sit him down and scream “Talk to your brother, you colossal idiot!”, because everything that he is going through right now is the same thing that Sam has been living with since the end of season 2, and if the two of them would just be honest with one another for once in their lives, they could avoid a lot of the shit that is about to come between them. Dean’s issues with the idea of his destiny come from the fact that he sees himself, and wants to be, nothing more than an ordinary monster-hunter. He calls himself a hero, but he doesn’t want to be a super-hero. He doesn’t want the fate of the world or the lives of billions in his hands. And the thing is, though we never get as explicit a statement from Sam, it is obvious that he doesn’t want that either. The difference we see here, though, is that Sam has come to terms with the fact that the forces of good and evil have been screwing with him his entire life, and he has chosen to find a way to do something about it. He doesn’t realize yet exactly how he’s playing right into the hands of the forces he thinks he’s fighting against, but he has fallen firmly into the acceptance stage of the grieving process for the idea that he will ever have a normal life, while Dean is caught seesawing between denial, bargaining, and anger. And I feel like all it would take is one honest conversation between the two of them to bring everything out in the open, get them on the same page with regards to how they feel about being jerked around by angels and demons, and get them working together to forge their own destiny. But that’s not the story that’s being told, and it wouldn’t be as good a story anyway, and I know that, so I will put my sorrow at watching these characters that I love suffer on the back burner for the sake of the show that I love telling a really good story.

I also love watching Cass start to come into his own in this episode, though I thought that the climax of his fight with Uriel and Anna coming it at the last minute seemed weirdly contrived and poorly-written. Not sure exactly why, but it was the one moment of this episode that fell flat for me. Seeing what angels look like when they die is always freaking awesome, though—as with the way they handle the wings of living angels, the way that they do the wings of dead angels is truly inspired, and something that I have seen no show do as well as Supernatural. It is sad to think that I will get truly sick of the angels by the end of the series, because, for an aspect of mythology that the show had originally vowed never to touch, they did a great job with them at first when they did decide to bring them in.

[ain-t-bovvered]

15x09 Commentary PART 1

Bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

@smol-and-grumpy​ (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon​  (Kat)  

@waywardbaby​  (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giulia)

Nat : alright you all set?

Giulia: One moment. I gotta pee

Nat : ugh

Zee: Jesus Giuls

Nat : pee through your eyes

Zee: Soon

Giulia: K im set

Nat : alright

Nat : go

Giulia: Oooh are we getting jack again

Nat : Why do we have to watch it again

Zee: Because

Zee: Let’s go to purgatory

Nat : 12 hOuRs

Giulia: Hate this

Zee : Oh here we go

Nat : He could have put the thingy tighter around Sam

Nat : hElPiNG

Giulia: COME ON

Zee : Come the fuck on

Giulia: damn it

Zee : Good guy

Giulia: ASSHOLE

Zee : Yes Eileen

Nat : BeCauSE YoUR sUCh a GoOd GuY

Giulia: WEAK

Giulia: yuck

Giulia: STOP

Zee : No

Nat : Shut up

Zee : I do t wanna

Nat : my god

Nat : oh

Giulia: snort

Zee : The eyebrow is up there

Giulia: Definitely in trouble

Nat : Can he stop his face

Giulia: Also did u catch misha fumbling with the shellcase lol

Nat : I was distracted

Giulia: DON T TOUCH MY BOY

Nat : "It might get messy"

Nat : hah

Giulia: god knows everything

Giulia: U dick

Giulia: Bye dean

Nat : That happens when they can't swear

Zee : The music isn’t good

Nat : Because Dean would obviously say "dick" of course

Giulia: Chuck you fuck

Nat : you sick fuck

D: Whatever. We need to go.

C: To Purgatory.

D: Chuck has Sam. I'm not leaving him.

C: Chuck's not gonna kill him. That's not the ending.

Giulia: That’s not the ending

Nat : How do you know CAS

D: Wh... Then he'll torture him.

C: Dean, will you stop?

Giulia: Being so stupid

Zee : Tell him cas

Giulia: Snort, ok cas

C: If we attack Chuck now, we don't have anything that can hurt him. We get that Leviathan blossom, complete Michael's spell, build the Cage. That's our chance.

Giulia: Oh cas

Giulia: My bb

Giulia: Taking charge

Giulia: Delicious

Zee : He can’t do it

Giulia: AH he afraid

Nat : WEAK

S: But when it's time to get your hands dirty, you can't do it. You just like to watch.

Nat : W

Nat : E

Nat : A

Nat : K

Zee : Sam’s sass gives me life

Giulia: PATHETIC

Zee : Pathetic

Giulia: OF COURSE

Nat : UGH NO

Giulia: WHAT AN ASSHOLE

Zee : No

Nat : CHUCK YOU SICK FUCK

Giulia: FUCK U

Nat : I said it for Dean

Giulia: WOW

Zee : Ouch

Nat : OW

Giulia: BABIES

Giulia: HOW ARE THEY SO CALM

Nat : That's some fucking kink he has going on there

Giulia: BENNY

Zee: I want Benny

Nat : Aw Benny

Giulia: WhAT

Nat : Fond memories

D: Okay. Let's split up. C: What?

D: You go that way. I'll go this way. We'll meet back at the Rift, alright? We'll cover more ground. We'll better our odds.

C: Yeah. We'll also improve our odds of getting lost or killed. Come on.

Giulia: Wow cas does not have time for dean today lol

Zee : Cass is telling dean what to do and he’s listening

Nat : CAS HAS NO FUCKING PATIENCE LEFT WHATSOEVER

Zee : Wow

Nat : I'm here for it

Giulia: LOOK AT THAT SICK ASSHOLE FUCK

Giulia: YES

Giulia: STOP

Nat : Fuck Ew Ow

Giulia: SAM SHUT UP

Nat : Sam's right

Giulia: oh wow they gave him that line

Zee : I wanna go 

Giulia: Because you are a sick fuck

 Nat : I'm actually not really watching

Giulia: Cute

Zee: Yuk

Nat : Aren't we glad that we don't have to endure commercial breaks

Giulia: LOL WHAT cass

Nat : That's a different corpse. lol

Zee: Hello

Nat : Who is that

Nat : Ah

Giulia: IT’S SUDDENLY VERY WARM HERE OK

Zee : As simple as that

Nat : lol

Giulia: snort

Nat : Embarrassing

Nat : lol

Zee : Fuck

Giulia: Oh wow

Nat : I can't meet them in May

Giulia: ALREADY HATE THIS

Nat : I can't take it

Giulia: same

Zee : Shut up both of you

Zee : Awe dean

Giulia: how is this monster so calm

Nat : Everybody has heard of Benny

Giulia: NO SHUT UP

Nat : NO

Nat : FUCK YOU

Nat : NOOOOOOOOO

Giulia: HE LIES

Giulia: I DON T TRUST HIM

Nat : I HOPE

Nat : I MEAN WOULD YOU TRUST A LEVIATHAN

Giulia: I DON T WANNA LISTEN TO GOD

Giulia: Oh no

Nat : Oh no

Zee: April 17

Giulia: Don t wanna see that

Nat : 17. april

Giulia: Lol florida man

Giulia: SNORT

Giulia: Me

Nat : Dean lol

Giulia: CASS BB

Zee: Resting my eyes

Nat : CAS

Giulia: JODY

Nat : Cas is still annoyed af

Zee : No

 Nat : NO

Giulia: SHUT

Giulia: UP

Zee : NO

Giulia: DON T

Zee: Claire

Nat : THERE IS NO WINNER

Nat : Apparently

Giulia: I SWEAR UGH NO

Nat : It never stops even if they would win

Giulia: AW

Zee: Cass is looking good

D: And he sacrificed himself to get Sam out of this place.

C: Well, this place will bring that out in you. Guilt. It was my fault the Leviathan got out. It was my fault we were here the first time. I carry that guilt every day.

Giulia: CAS BABE SHUT UP

D: I know you're sorry, Cass. About Bel, about Mom.

Giulia: omg Cas is so done with everything. Love it.

C: I was talking about Jack. I already apologized to you.

Giulia: SNORT

Giulia: AH

Giulia: AH AH

Zee : Bitterness

Giulia: YIKES

C: You didn't give me a choice. You couldn't forgive me. And you couldn't move on. You were too angry. I left, but you didn't stop me.

Giulia: * is ded on the floor*

Zee : You didn’t stop me

Nat : 6.01.2021

Nat : Uh

Giulia: Uuuuh

Giulia: Amazing

S: Now, if Cass was still here, he could've healed them.

D: Yeah, well, he's not.

Nat : Cas is not there

Giulia: Yuck

Zee : The monsters are winning

Giulia: Nice legs

Giulia: I was distracted

RANDOM LEV: Killing her alphas, swallowing her Leviathan.Bringing you to her should earn us a nice reward.

Giulia: GREAT

Nat : Fuck you

Giulia: I HATE THIS

Giulia: NO

Nat : BB

Giulia: oh no the flowers

Nat : What happened

Giulia: WHRE IS CASSS

Giulia: JDBDOALSBDISGCDKAL

Nat : 3.11.2021

Giulia: SAM IS SPIRILING

Nat : They are still hunting

Giulia: DEAN IS DEPRESSED

Nat : Sam is still hunting

Nat : restless

D: What I've been trying to say for months.

Zee: Stand down

Nat : He's tired alright

Giulia gets an email from the Hilton hotel about the room reservation she was waiting VeRy CalMLy

Giulia: NO HILTON HOTEL SHUT UP

Zee: My stomach hurts

Giulia: WHAT

Nat : WHAT

D: Ever since the Mark made Cass go crazy?

Giulia: WHAT

Giulia: WHATT

Nat : WHAT

Nat : WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

D: Bobby has a death wish, and you know it. And Jody... ever since what happened to Donna and the girls, she does, too.

Giulia: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GURL

Nat : DONNA?

D:And after Eileen... so do you.

Nat : EILEEN

Giulia: STOP THIS SHIT

Nat : EVERYONE IS GONE

Giulia: NO

Zee: I’m leaving

Giulia: I WANNA GET UP AND FUCK OFF

Nat : Who's actually Butch and who's Sundance?

Nat : Even if they win they lose

Nat : WHAT THE FUCK

Nat : I DON'T WANNA WATCH

Giulia: HATE THIIIIIIS

S: Dean, what happened to going out swinging?

D: We lost, brother. We lost. I'm done.

Nat : ALRIGHT GOODBYE GUYS

Giulia: IM LEAVING

G: I'm just the messenger, Sam.

Giulia: NO ONE BELIEVE YOU SICK FUCK

S: No, the Dean I know... the Dean who raised me...he'd never give up, no matter how bad things got.

Giulia: THE DEAN WHO RAISED ME

Giulia: SOB

Giulia: SOOOOB

Nat : What does that say about them that I wanna quit the espisode when I'm halfway in and I don't even care what comes after

Giulia: NO I STILL CARE ABOUT CASS

Giulia: AND IM AFRAID

Nat : I DON'T WANNA WATCH

Giulia: dean still looking for cas jn purgatory

Giulia: I DON T WANNA

Nat : Will Dean leave Cas behind?

Giulia: STOP

Zee: I’m crying

Nat : SHUT THE FUCK UP DEAN

Nat : I DON'T WANT THIS

Giulia: STOP MY HEART

Nat : FUCK YOU

Giulia: AAAAAAH

Nat : I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYES

Giulia: MY HEART

Giulia: SOB

Nat : THAT'S PROBABLY PEE

Zee: It’s called tears Nat

Giulia: IM HAVING A HEART ATTACK

Giulia: NO

Giulia: STOP THAT FYCKI MY SHIT GSLAVDHAKDHEJWBE

Nat : I'M FUCKING SOBBING AND THAT'S NOT OK

Giulia: DEEEEAN

Zee: He’s broken

Nat : SHIT I WANNA HOLD HIM

Giulia: IT S TOO EARLY FOR THIS, IT’S 8:32 AM

Giulia: IM BROKEN

Nat : I don't know why I get so angry

Nat : AW BABY

Giulia: IM SO ANGRY

Nat : COME HERE

Giulia: STO l  Dnbdsno NO

Nat : I DEFINITELY CAN'T SEE THEM IN MAY

Giulia: BABE

Zee: SAY I LOVE YOU ALREADY

Nat : FUCK THIS SHIT

Giulia: FUCK

Nat : flips a fucking table

Giulia: FLIPS MY WHOLE HOUSE

Nat : OKay

END OF PART 1 because it was so fucking heavy and I don’t want your computer to blow up 

.

.

PART 2

If you want to get tagged send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @wayward-angelgirl​  @destiel-honeypie​      @mariekoukie6661​      @dragontamerm​       @closetspngirl​    @rainflowermoon​     @mattiecat​       @bunnybaby121115​  @aliaitee2​    @jacks-word-of-the-day​     @4evamc​       @dammitsammy​     @legendary-destiel​   @winchesterprincessbride​    @destielhoneybee​​    @castiellover20   @ravenhg​ @evvvissticante​ @emoryhemsworth​​ @markofdean79​​

[nerdadendem]

Season 15 episode19

Let me start off by saying last week was a roller coaster. I’m beyond thrilled with how this season is turning out. I’m sad we’re down to the last two episodes EVER but ya know it’s okay. Time to get some reactions on with our boys!!!

Inherit the Earth - Initial Reactions

We start off with some shots mid quarantine 👀👀👀👀 and some beautiful strings to accompany. Jensen is doing a great job with just being overly emotional on a Dean way. He’s so broken and I LOVE it

Is it wrong for me to want Cas to be with perma dead? DEAN WANTS CASS ALIVE AAAAAAAAAH. I paused the video so I can say this.

GUYS CHUCK IS PUNISHING YOU!!! He’s not gonna wanna do what you say. He’s putting you through hell worse then a hell. He’s putting you through a world you can save.

Okay I’m hitting play to see if Chuck confirms this. Yerp I was in fact correct. Honestly Chuck went from being mediocre prophet to one of my absolute favorite characters in history. I absolutely hate his guts and I love it!!!

The big depression boys is good.

MICHAEL AND ADAM LESS GOOOOOOO

Strike that, just Michael 😞

Bruh I’m here for this it’s amazing.

Please tell me jack was eating nugat. I love it.

Chuck is using CASTIELS voice I think. Maybe. Possibly?!?! I don’t trust it. It hurts to much to trust.

Catch Dean mid zoom to meet his boy 😌 even if I don’t actually believe it’s him 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧

You knew Luci had to return

We love how Chucks book is alpha to omega.

NO I DONT LIKE!!!! The WHOLE FATE THING JUST CAME TRUE

WE IN THE END TIMES AND MICHAEL KILLEDUCIFER WHAT THE HECKITY HECK?!?!

THEY WENT FULL ATLA ON HIS ASS YES HELL YES IM HERE FOR IT GOOD BY FUCKING CHUCK

it is by far the cruelest ending for chuck but I like it. I think it works. It’s satisfying for his character. Also WHO CALLED JACK BEING RADIOACTIVE of sorts I DID THATS WHO

Jack is a bean boy and I love it. Oh no, he he’s grown up so much. I’m sad it’s a true goodbye I’m crying it’s heart breaking.

THEY HAVE EVERYONES NAME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

I really don’t know where they’re gonna go with the very last episode but over all I’m saitisfied. It’s good and i think it works with they’re arc.

[squirrel-moose-winchester]

Broken

Title: Broken

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Square Filled: Case Fic

Word Count: 754

Summary: After a case gone wrong, Dean breaks. The only thing that can help his is Castiel’s grace, but Sam is conflicted about it.

Warnings: Angst, Heartbreak, Death, Implied Major Character Death, and Broken!Dean.

Written for: @spndeanbingo

Disclaimer: Not my gif.

A/N: This just popped up in my head while I was driving home! It’s pretty angsty, so I just want to apologize in advance if this messes with your emotions. It was meant to, but still… I’m sorry. Please reblog and leave some feedback. I’m really excited to know your reactions! Happy Reading! xx

Sam was sitting in the library when a loud crash shook him from his reading. It came from the bathroom. Not long after, there was another crashing sound from the kitchen, followed by the bellowing howl of his older brother, which was what brought him to his feet and rushing over to where Dean was. Sam found him standing in the kitchen on wobbly legs in time to watch him lunge an entire bottle of whiskey at the wall, shattering it into tiny pieces. Whatever that was left inside splattered onto the walls and floor, coating the surface (once again) with the strong stench of booze.

“Dean!” Sam called breathlessly from running. “Dean, stop!” Sam tried to make his way over to his brother, but Dean swiftly and quickly went into defensive mode.

“I can’t do this anymore!” Dean cried, literal tears streaming down his exhausted face. “Sammy, I can’t.”

“Dean…” Sam didn’t even know what to say, or begin to conjure anything that would lessen the load on his brother’s shoulders.

“I can’t Sammy… I can’t.”

Sam felt useless. He didn’t know how to help Dean, and having to see how broken his brother was each day only made things harder, not only for him, but for everyone. Sam continued to watch as Dean cried, raking his hands through his hair before tugging on the short tresses in a way that seemed painful. Almost as if he was trying to inflict pain on himself.

Dean screamed again, knocking everything that was on the counter to the concrete ground. The shilling sound made Sam flinch and his heart sink into his stomach.

“Dean, stop! You gotta stop this! You’re gonna hurt yourself! Please! Stop!” Sam tried, his own tears threatening to overflow from his eyes. “You’re not the only one who lost her, Dean!” Sam shouted. And although it was true, the weight of the loss didn’t come close to how much it heavily weighed on Dean. He loved her. He wanted to marry her, despite the risks. Y/N was his soulmate. She was his and he was hers. It was just that simple. The perfect match. Soulmates.

A flutter of wings echoed behind Sam.

“My offer still stands,” the blue-eyed angel spoke, watching his destructive friend fume from the loss of his girlfriend.

“Dean wouldn’t want that,” Sam choked a reply. He had said the same thing over and over again every time Castiel offered to take Dean’s memories of her away. He just didn’t have the heart to do it. Y/N was too big of a part of Dean’s life. There were too many amazing memories for them to suddenly vanish like it never happened. Dean found happiness with her.

“I’m worried that Dean might seriously injure himself,” Cass admitted. “He can’t go on this way. Sam, you know I’m right.”

Cass was right, there was no denying it. It had been two whole months since they lost Y/N on that one case, and Dean was still getting himself drunk and throwing tantrums in any given time of the day. Dean can barely function, let alone hunt. Dean had almost gotten all of them killed when he let his rage and sorrow take control. Sam didn’t even know how they managed to survive.

“I know Cass, but… Dean loved her. He’s in pain now, but I don’t think he’d want to forget her. All the good things. She made him so happy…”

“That might have been so, but she’s gone now and Dean is in constant torment. I can take all of that away. Sam… Dean can’t sleep; he barely eats; and all he does is get drunk every night. It’s not good for him.”

“Dean’s always drunk,” Sam attempted to laugh at his joke, however the taste it left was a bitter one.

Castiel just looked over at the younger Winchester with sad eyes. He knew Sam was suffering too. They all were. They all loved Y/N, and seeing Dean so destructive only made it worse. Cass was convinced that the only way to stop this was to erase Dean’s memories of her.

It wasn’t until Dean’s back hit the wall, sliding down until his ass hit the ground. Dean was crying hard, his entire body shaking in the little ball he shrunk into, knees to his chest, arms around his legs, and head tucked away.

“Y/N…” he whimpered. “Y/N…”

“Sam…” Cass advised.

Sam tore his eyes away from his wrecked brother, his hazel eyes meeting cerulean blues. “Yeah… do it.”

--

A/N: I’ve come to realize, that lately, every time I try to write angst, it always involves the reader dying... hmmm... what is wrong with me? lol. Anyways, hope you enjoyed in :)

Like it? Please reblog and share. Also, feedback would be golden!

Say Something Nice Here!

[deansawthetvglow]

The Queer Eye/Supernatural crossover we all need.

“Family Don’t End In Blood”

Bobby: Makes over the bunker to make it feel more like a home. He gives Castiel a minimalist room so he can have some peace in a world that has been so cruel. There’s a bench at the foot of his bed that holds a bunch of super soft blankets so he can take them out when he just needs to feel a bit more human. He also secretly makes and stashes a notebook of photos he found of Cas and Dean under the blankets for Castiel to find on a rainy day. He gives Jack a room with lots of intellectually stimulating things and a cool video game set up. He gives Sam a room with an extra long bed and a bookcase for him to keep is favorites from the library on. He’s skeptical about Dean’s gun wall, but he keeps it there. He also gives Dean a wider bed and a shelf to display his family photos on. 

“I’m no Angel”

Tan: Helps them find better suits for their undercover work and also gets Dean and Sam to invest in some new jackets and flannels that are cool and functional. He also gets them pants that fit well and some waterproof ones for when they have a mission in the forest. He makes them get new sturdy shoes too, Deans have literally been to purgatory and back and it’s time for a new pair. He convinces Castiel to get some new, colorful ties and two new trenchcoats. A black one for more formal occasions, and a super fashionable one, that Castiel chooses, maybe Burberry with a fun floral pattern, just for someday when he wants to express himself. Cas also gets a bee brooch that he puts on his lapel. It makes him smile.

“I swear I’m not domestic”

Antoni: Is sincerely impressed with Dean’s cooking skills and get’s a little domestic with Dean in the kitchen. Castiel glares at them cooking until he insists that he, Sam and Jack are the one’s who need to learn how to cook. Dean gets pushed out of the kitchen so he goes on a really quick grocery run (Karamo tags along) and comes back with the ingredients for Cas’ favourite meal, insisting he teach all of them, Antoni included, how to make it. He gets a little domestic with Cas. All is well. (JVN and Tan are fangirling in the corner as Dean helps Cas work on his whisking form) 

“His name is Chuck.”

Jonathan: Jonathan is appalled with Dean’s hygiene and wonders how he has managed to keep himself healthy at all. Cas admits off to the side that he’s been secretly healing any of Dean’s cavities and other little things like that. Jonathan gives Dean an easy to keep up with routine and tells Jack to never take Dean’s advice on hygiene as he gives Jack a dope new haircut with short, clean sides and keeping the little swoosh he has up top. “Yas Gawd!!!!” Jack informs him very seriously that God’s name is actually Chuck, and he prefers being addressed as such, at least according to Dean and Sam and Castiel. He tries to mess with Sam’s hair, but after many protests, he just takes a little off the sides. I mean, he’s kind of obsessed with it, and Sam, and the whole lumberjack vibe he’s got. Whew chile. But after all, he can tell the Winchester’s don’t like personal change that much, their appearance isn’t the most important thing to them, and everything is already constantly changing around them.

“It’s okay to feel deeply.”

Karamo: Boy oh BOY is he in for a treat. Karamo just kind of stares at the four men in front of him while he analyzes their little habits while the other guys work their magic. They are all so broken. Karamo decides to go with Dean to the store during Antoni’s little cooking session to find out what’s going on. Eventually, Dean gets as close to a love confession for Cas as ever (“I just...I need him, you know?”) and Karamo convinces him to get ingredients for the aforementioned favourite meal. Karamo, sad to see Dean with tears welling in his eyes brings back the old “Dean, being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. It shows that you are in tune with yourself. It’s okay to be open. It’s okay to feel deeply. It’s a gift to care so much.” In the parking lot of the grocery store, Dean finally breaks, “It..sucks to know how I feel...and to know Cas doesn’t...he doesn’t feel the same way us humans do, you know...” Karamo pulls Cas away from the group while Dean and Sam are debating Jonathan on changing Sammy’s hair. Cas confesses his love flat out for Dean, and for the Winchesters, and for Jack. Karamo asks if there is a difference between the love he has for Dean and the love he has for the mismatched family as a whole. “I would protect all of them with my life, but I’ve made it clear to Dean how I feel. We have a profound bond. Dean has not expressed to me that it is reciprocated.” Karamo cracks up and gives the angel a little advice “Dean doesn’t believe he’s worthy of your love, unless you’re explicit with your romantic feelings, he will keep on going, heart pining for you, but never allowing himself to take the next step. You know he has trust issues. He won’t fall in love, just to be let down again.” Cas had never thought of it that way.  Next, Karamo talks to Sam and realizes how much Sam wants a normal happy life, for himself and for everyone around him. “Take some time for yourself every once in a while, pick up a new hobby that you can use to escape.” Karamo gets Sam a couple succulents to put in his room. “These are resilient, like you, like Dean, like all of you. It’s not like having a dog, who would probably need more attention than you can give right now, but these can be left alone for a long while, as long as you care deeply for them when you’re around. It’ll give you something to breathe life into.” Karamo talks to Jack about his own identity, being the son of Lucifer and all. “Ultimately Jack, you decide your future.” Jack smiles at the sentiment, though he’s still unsure it’s completely up to him.

At the end of the episode, Team Free Will 2.0 returns home and sees how amazing it is. There are little fairy lights up in some of the nooks and crannies, there are a few sayings on the walls (Carry On My Wayward Son etc.), a new record player with all of Dean’s favourites next to a new liquor cabinet, and a newly organized bookshelf from A-Z based on relevancy, content and usefulness (Sam geeks out a little bit at the new system). Dean smiles when he gets into his room, he appreciates a bed bigger than the usual motel ones, and he cries when he sees his family photos up on the shelf. While Dean traces the photos, Castiel excitedly opens the box at the foot of his bed in his own room down the hall. He loves the feel of the blankets, they remind him of clouds and flying and warmth and humanity. He gets to the bottom of the pile earlier than Bobby was anticipating, but he watches eagerly from the doorway anyways, hands up to his face with bated breath. Cas opens the notebook and sits back, breath hitching. It’s an intimate moment, so Bobby is a little shocked when Castiel closes the book so suddenly. (Bobby is kind of freaked out that he did something wrong so he slips away from the door before Cas can see him). Cas gets up pointedly and walks to Dean’s room. Dean is laying on the right side of the bed, holding a photo of his Dad and him and Sammy. Castiel hesitantly slips onto the bed and curls up behind Dean. Dean holds his breath for a second until Cas speaks “I love you, Dean Winchester.” He sinks into Cas’ grip and it feels like home. His “I love you too” is interrupted and affirmed by the Fab Five, Sam and Jack all jumping on top of them on the bed in glee. 

The goodbyes are the worst part, Dean lets himself cry in front of the five, and the others follow suit. After a huge group hug, the Fab Five leaves, feeling like they did well. 

“That’s Family” 

Dean, Sam, Cas and Jack are always doing something big, so instead of sending a video of them hosting a party or inviting people over, they decide to send in an update that’s just about them, going about their daily lives. Sam proudly presents his succulents, he bought two new ones too, and named them all after his favourite authors. Jack shows them around his room and brags about how soft his skin is, even though Dean rolls his eyes at that. Dean makes them all a meal before a family movie night. Cass helps him out and wraps his arms around Dean’s waist as he sautees some mushrooms. Dean looks over his shoulder to kiss Cas, sweet and slow, in front of the Fab Five and the rest of the world he supposes. He smiles into the camera and winks “Thanks for having the foresight of a bigger bed, Bobby” 

The final shot is of the four boys sitting on the couch in their living room, whiskey on the table in front of them, popcorn between all of them, Cas fit comfortably in Deans lap. They all smile and wave, throwing popcorn at the camera and dissolving into laughter “Thank you!” 

The video cuts out and the entirety of the Fab Five are a fucking mess.

Yes, even Tan