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boynextdoorcoverpoison · 6 months ago

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myung jaehyun is absolutely, hands down, the best leader for boynextdoor.

I always stand by the leader of groups being the best leaders for their groups, but it’s definitely a role that they have to grow into and improve constantly on. just like any other position in the group. just like any other thing you do.

that said, until the fanmeeting, I didn’t quite have the words to truly express why I feel so strongly about jaehyun’s role as the boynextdoor leader—especially as I think to a lot of non-onedoor, it can seem a bit confusing or not apparent at first. which mostly comes from jaehyun sitting outside the norm for a leader (particularly in hybe bgs) at least in personality.

jaehyun is loud. that’s like… something well known about him. he’s talkative and playful and despite being shy, he’s definitely the kind of person to enter the room knowing no one and leave with at least 5 new friends. his approach to people is one that feels very open and bright.

for this reason, I do think many people might not first associate him with the leader role. with most groups, the most energetic member is probably not the first considered as “oh yeah that’s the leader”. jaehyun is all the playful and energy-filled that usually comes with the member who the leader needs to keep an eye on the most and eventually has a bunch of youtube compilation videos.

that said, these qualities are exactly why I think he makes such a great leader for boynextdoor. as mentioned in the fanmeeting day 2 ending ments, the members of bonedo are the type of people to put up a straight face and keep their struggles to themselves. as woonhak and they have expressed, an example being woonhak putting on a smile and performing, despite dealing with grief. they’re very much the people to not make their problems someone else’s and to maintain a collected image in front of others.

while I also think jaehyun does this, as most people who are leaders may tend to for the sake of their groups, he’s also very very very unapologetically himself. he feels so much. his tendency to cry being a prime example of that, though not the only. the point is that jaehyun is expressive and open and in this, jaehyun contrasts with his members.

as woonhak has stated before, jaehyun has expressed that it’s okay for him to cry, to need to take a break, to sit this one out. jaehyun in general approaches his members with a lot of care. but overall, the stand out is that I believe jaehyun navigates along the lines of… feelings are meant to be felt. he has no qualms with any emotion being felt the way it occurs to us. yes there are ways to handle them, but ultimately, the feeling—whatever it may be—is there to be felt and expressed.

this is also seen in how he interacts with his members. in his very tactile approach to express the love and care he has for the rest of bonedo. the pride he feels for them. whatever words I’m not able to formulate to describe the whole yeppi exchange between him and sungho in the 3rd comeback show special.

it’s also in his loudness and energy. it’s all about expression. he’s so much, but it only feels that way, in my opinion, because he’s overwhelmingly unafraid and unapologetic of being himself, in a way that the industry might otherwise discourage. he’s not against expressing how he feels and while it likely won’t be the most apparent until later in their careers, I do think he’s the type to speak his mind.

all that said, the point is that these qualities do exist in contrast to his members and thus… encourage them to do the same. maybe not to be speeding around all over the place, but rather to allow themselves the space and time to feel as they do. that they don’t have to keep it all inside to avoid making it other peoples problems. they’re a team, if nothing else. and it’s in jaehyun being so so so much himself, being exactly the person he is, not something specially crafted to fit a particular image, he encourages the other members to be the same.

jaehyun helps to curate a safe space within their group by exhibiting that there’s nothing wrong with being the person they are. to feel whatever they feel. to express when things are going good or bad or somewhere in between. to approach things as they come and take them in stride, even if it’s without prior planning. that if a leader is meant to push a group forward and help them grow, then jaehyun steps up to the plate in that art cannot be made without emotion and so to become better artists, to continue being artists, it’s so important to find the safe spaces of being able to express and feel everything as they should be felt.

this is why I think jaehyun has some of the strongest lyricism currently in the group. it’s why I think he was a powerful force coming into KOZ and bonedo, and sort of the missing piece. he feels so much and he allows himself to feel all of it. in turn, as the leader, it’s something he encourages in the members. it’s leading by example. jaehyun builds a safe space for them to express, by being open himself.

but beyond that, jaehyun being unapologetically himself becomes an unstoppable sort of barrier between the group and outside the group. while not as apparent now, I do think it’ll grow into him being a strong adovcate for each of the members and the group as a whole. the group matters to him. his members matter to him. jaehyun’s never going to act as if they don’t, so long as they do. as such, he’ll put them first. he’ll encourage them and their best interest. he provides space and works to create and maintain that space for them to express themselves and be themselves. it’s what makes jaehyun the best leader for bonedo now, and it’s what will allow him to continue to do so.

#boynextdoor #myung jaehyun #not door agenda #from behind the door #about the neighbors #worm leader #disclaimer is that i’m sick and writing this so idk if it’s actually very cohereant #the thoughts were clearer yesterday #but anyways #the point is that in the very way jaehyun contrasts from the group #is the way he leads them the best #and that comes with everything jaehyun is #and how unwaveringly jaehyun is exactly the person he is #that encourages the members to do the same #that he reminds them feelings are there to be felt #bc i think particularly in kpop #leaders don’t necessarily need to be the ones wrangling the group together when they’re running all over the place #they’ve got managers for that LMAO #they’ve got eldest members for that #like yes it often is the leader but that doesn’t need to be the case #in bonedo it’s probably jaehyun who needs to be brought back to topic #but it’s like bonedo doesn’t need to be lead in terms of navigating idol image #they don’t need to be directed on what they can or can’t say or do #they seemingly have enough training to know #it’s moreso being guide towards the opposite… in a sort of… expressing themself way #it’s being able to tap into what makes them different and everything they feel and how they each feel that differently #that will allow them to establish their artistic identity #and i think jaehyun’s a very strong component for them being able to do so

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fairyniceyeah · 4 months ago

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🧭🐶 You got me losing patience

Title from Case 143 (Stray Kids)

Summary: Seungmin slips on stage and to make matters worse, it’s because he is already sick with the stomach flu. Getting treatment at the hospital doesn’t go well.

CW: emeto, injuries, blood, needles, hospitals

Sickie/Whumpee: Seungmin Caretaker: Bang Chan + Minho/Lee Know

🧭🐺

“Channie?”, Minho asked as he approached the leader. Chan turned around, the smile slipping from his face as he saw the worried face of his oldest dongsaeng.

“Minho-yah, what’s wrong?”, he asked, abandoning the jewelry he had started taking off. They had just finished their Case 143 Mnet Comeback-Stage and now that the nerves weren’t high anymore, he had looked forward to a relaxed evening. Apparently it wasn’t to be so, judging by the way Minho was chewing on his lower lip.

“Have you seen Seungminnie? Did he go with the medics already?”, Minho asked and for a moment Chan swore his heart had stopped beating in his chest. Why would Seungmin go with the medics? Had something happened he had not noticed? How couldn’t he have?

“Wha … why?”, he stammered, heart pounding faster now, seemingly trying to cancel out the skipped beats.

“Oh, right. You couldn’t have seen. He slipped while doing the spin we do during Changbinnie’s rap. I saw he twisted his ankle but he seemed to be able to continue. Now, however, I can’t find him”, Minho explained.

“I … no, I haven’t seen him”, Chan said nervously, “I thought he was behind me when we left the stage. Hyung?” He called over a manager. “Did you see Seungmin-ah?”

The older manager frowned and shook his head. “No, I haven’t … you don’t know where he is either?”

Chan and Minho shook their heads. At least the rest of the group hadn’t noticed the rising tension yet. Hyunjin and Felix were sprawled on top of each other on a couch in their waiting room with Hyunjin and Jeongin talking quietly. Han and Changbin were dancing around full of energy, celebrating. All of them were swarmed by staff members carrying make-up kits, fans and towels.

“No, we uh …”, Chan stuttered. He felt awful. It was bad enough that he apparently was missing a member in a space that - while just for idols - was more public than he liked. The building was huge, it was easy to get lost and there were other groups all around them, all stressed and under pressure.

Seungmin had never fared that well with emotional stress and confrontations. If he was hurt to add onto that … Chan did not want to think about how the young vocalist must be feeling.

“Maybe he went to the bathroom”, Chan lied - well, it wasn’t really a lie. Maybe a white lie. There was a chance that Seungmin was in a bathroom after all. “We’ll go look for him.”

The manager, having been with them since the beginning, knew that Chan would never stay back when a member was concerned. So he just sighed and nodded.

“Be safe, stay together and call if you don’t find him in the next fifteen minutes.”

Without any thought to the other five members, Chan and Minho slipped out the door.

🧭🐺

Sometimes Chan hated being right - the building was huge and built like a labyrinth. While he knew that Seungmin had a good sense of direction, he didn’t know what state the younger was in. If he truly was injured he would likely choose to hide, not liking showing vulnerability, especially not surrounded by sunbaes and hobaes.

They had checked the bathrooms first, hoping that maybe Seungmin had decided to hide there. It had been a futile hope - they were crowded and it was clear that Seungmin would never go there then. So they had resigned themselves to walk through every hallway and pray they found their vocalist soon. Chan could tell Minho was nervous and he himself was barely faring any better.

At least they quickly understood the layout of the building. All horizontal hallways going off from the main hall would have waiting rooms at the front, with storage rooms in the back and would end with a dead end.

The leader had already lost count of how many hallways they had been in hoping that Seungmin was somewhere between the stage and their own waiting room. Had it been five? Six?

“Do you hear that?”, Minho suddenly asked, grasping Chan’s jacket and shushing him. For a moment all Chan could hear was the bustling of a crowded building but then he heard a whimpering sound at the end of the hallway they were in.

“Do you think that is him?”, Minho whispered, eyes wide.

Chan had never heard Seungmin make such a sound before but they also were running out of options. He was scared of the state he might find the younger in if that would reduce him to … this.

“I … I don’t know. Let’s check.”

They walked towards the end of the hallway, trying to hear where the sound was coming from. It definitely came from the end of the hallway, three or four doors down. The last door was open and the sound seemed to come from there. Grasping each other's hands tightly, they peered inside.

Yet … nothing was inside the room, nothing where Seungmin could hide.

Yet … the whimpering was louder than ever, now joined by a sniffling sound.

Stepping outside the room, Chan closed the door with a sigh. He should have known.

There, on the hallway floor, squeezed between the wall and the previously open door, sat their missing vocalist curled into himself with his head buried in his knees. Seungmin looked so young like this, hugging himself tightly.

Minho gasped beside him but Chan paid him no mind, too focused on their youngest.

“Hey, Min-ah”, Chan whispered and knelt down by his dongsaeng’s side. Seungmin ignored him or maybe hadn’t even heard him. Reaching out, Chan gently cupped Seungmin’s cheek with his palm, his pinky under Seungmin’s chin. There was undeniable heat radiating from the younger.

A fever? Chan wondered briefly how high it was and how that had happened. Had Seungmin been feverish before the stage already? Or was his injury that bad?

They could figure that out later. As Minho sent a text to the manager, Chan lifted Seungmin’s head so they could look at each other. Nevertheless, the vocalist refused to meet his eyes. Up close Seungmin looked even worse - face ashen pale and streaked with snot and tears. Trailing his eyes downward, following Seungmin’s gaze, Chan wondered how he had not noticed the smell earlier. Behind him he heard Minho mutter a worried: “Oh, Min-ah.”

There was a watery puddle of vomit on Seungmin’s pale pink sweater vest, staining it darker. It seemed to be mostly liquid, a bit of what looked like rice visible, but that made it clear how unwell Seungmin truly was. It seemed like he had been feeling sick earlier too - that at least would explain the lack of food in his throw up.

Chan felt his heart break for his ill dongsaeng and at the same time he was beating himself up. How could he have not noticed that Seungmin was not feeling good? But regrets were for later, now they had a sick and injured dongsaeng on their hands.

“Hyungies?”, Seungmin rasped, his voice raw and wet from crying. He sounded awfully young, younger than the sixteen year old Chan had met years ago. There was desperation to his voice and deep, deep exhaustion.

“We’re here, baby”, Minho quickly reassured, kneeling down beside Chan and using his own sleeve to wipe at Seungmin’s wet face. It was cute really, how he was able to quickly change from his loud, boisterous camera personality to the caring and sweet soul only they were able to experience. “We got you.”

Chan nodded at that, stroking back sweat-soaked hair. “We’re not going anywhere. Can you tell hyungs what happened?”

Seungmin looked up at them, eyes watering with tears that spilled over and trailed down his cheeks before Minho was able to wipe them away.

“I … I wasn’t feeling well all day and, uh, I threw up this morning and earlier before sound check. I thought I could push through but then I twisted my ankle during the dance and I was feeling so sick and it hurt and I was so overwhelmed and…” The words spilled from Seungmin’s lips like a waterfall, coming faster with each second and causing him to choke on air. He coughed hoarsely, nearly gagging again.

“Oh, baby. Why didn’t you say earlier?”, Chan whispered, hurting with Seungmin but also so worried why the younger hadn’t trusted him with his sickness. At this point he wouldn’t even have cared if Seungmin had entrusted himself to any of the other members but himself or staff even, just to anybody to stop this from happening. “I could have figured something out.”

“I wanted to … but you were so stressed earlier with Sungie’s anxiety and … and I wanted to perform anyway. It was too late to change things and I … didn’t want to be left out”, Seungmin mumbled.

Chan sighed. He knew it was difficult for his dongsaeng to just stop and prioritize his well-being. He also knew that Seungmin had a hard time with his status as main vocalist even after all the years and felt the need to work harder than anyone else to not let anyone down. It was still hard to see his baby so unwell, alone and hurt in a random hallway after having thrown up on himself.

“I will always have time for you, Min-ah. If not, I will make time. You don’t owe anybody your health either…”, Chan replied, wanting to add more and wipe the insecurity from the younger’s mind. Minho’s hand on his knee stopped him.

“Seungminnie, do you think you can make it back to the waiting room so the medics can look you over?”, the dancer asked, shooting Chan an apologetic glance. I’m sorry for interrupting you but he needs medical intervention before we talk about his mental state. Chan nodded. You’re right.

“Hyung, my ankle really hurts”, Seungmin admitted, “I … I don’t think I can walk.” His lip wobbled dangerously and Chan was quick to intervene before he started crying again.

“How about I piggyback you?”, the leader suggested, “I know it’s not ideal but I really think you should get looked over as soon as possible.”

“Everyone will see…”, Seungmin whispered, looking down at his lap and cheeks turning red in embarrassment.

“Everyone will see an exhausted idol who did his best and needs some help from time to time, like everybody else”, Chan reassured. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time any of the staff or other idols had seen a sick or hurt member from a different group backstage. It was a sad reality in their line of work. “If it will make you feel better, you can take off your sweater? You could wear my jacket instead?”

Seungmin nodded gratefully, cheeks red in embarrassment. Quickly Chan took off his own black performance jacket while Minho helped Seungmin pull the soiled sweater vest over his head. It was not as difficult as they had feared, the sick already having seeped into the fabric and so not at risk of dripping everywhere. Still, it was disgusting - and Chan had to give Minho a lot of credit for schooling his face into a neutral expression. He was so happy his dongsaeng could take the soiled item off.

Quickly he wrapped the shivering Seungmin into his own warm performance jacket. The stylists would just have to deal with the loss.

“Are you still feeling nauseous?”, Minho asked worriedly, holding onto Seungmin’s hand. The dirty shirt laid abandoned on the floor.

“Kinda, yeah”, Seungmin whispered, swallowing.

“I’ll try to be steady, okay? Let us know if you need a break”, Chan said with a tiny smile. It was not ideal to carry a sick, queasy and easily embarrassed member through crowded halls but they had to make due.

Seungmin nodded.

Without further ado, Chan turned around, trusting Minho to help Seungmin on his back. Within a minute he had a warm weight on his back, arms hooked under Seungmin’s thighs and the younger’s face pressed into his neck. He was uncomfortably warm and already Chan was sweating again after the show - Seungmin’s temperature really must be through the roof. Briefly Minho helped Chan to his feet then he vanished to the side, one of his hands on Seungmin’s back in a gesture of comfort.

🧭🐺

The walk back - now that they knew where they were going - was much quicker. To their luck they didn’t meet many people in the hallway, just an idol group they didn’t recognize giving them worried glances.

Minho opened the door to the waiting room to let them in, only to be nearly bowled over by a worried Han. “Hyung, where were you? The managers wouldn’t say and I was wo … what happened to Seungminnie?” The rapper’s eyes went wide when he saw the younger carried in on Chan’s back.

The rest of the members stared in shock for a second before rushing over to try to check on Seungmin. Chan felt Seungmin’s grip on him tighten and there was a quiet whimper coming from him. He understood, he too wouldn’t want to be crowded in a situation like this. Seungmin was already overwhelmed and overstimulated - a bunch of rambunctious young men, even if caring and his best friends, wouldn’t do him any good.

“Changbinnie?”, Chan called over the chaos, “please take the others to the car and go home. Minho and I will stay here while Seungmin-ah is getting checked over by the medics, okay?”

Changbin looked rather reluctant to leave the vocalist’s side but he nodded, quickly herding Hyunjin, Han, Felix and Jeongin with the help of a few managers to the door. Soon only Chan, Minho, Seungmin and one manager were left.

Chan walked over to a couch, carefully setting Seungmin down. The younger immediately curled into himself and as Minho sat down on the floor next to him, he grasped his hyung’s hand tightly. He had his eyes squeezed shut and with the tears on his pale face and red flushes on his cheeks he looked the definition of pitiful. Chan sighed and made Seungmin stretch out his injured leg so he could elevate his foot on a pillow and the armrest of the couch. The younger just whimpered a bit, staying silent otherwise.

“What happened?”, the manager asked, frowning, and already on the phone with the building’s medics.

“Stomach flu, I guess”, Chan started to explain, “he said he threw up a few times today and then during the dance he twisted his ankle.”

The manager hummed and gave the information down the line to the medical operator, nudging a trash can closer to Seungmin with his foot.

🧭🐺

They had only waited for a few minutes - Chan at Seungmin’s head and playing with his hair, Minho holding his hand and whispering reassurances, and the manager in the corner to not overwhelm the vocalist - when suddenly Seungmin’s eyes shot open.

“Hyung”, he gasped, flailing around. He hiccoughed and then Minho shoved the bin under his face, seconds before his stomach contents spilled from his lips. The sound of the liquid hitting the bottom of the trash bin was enough to make Chan nauseous just from watching. Seungmin gagged and another wave of brownish vomit came up, splattering into the previous mess.

Tears trailed down the young man’s face as he tried to get a breath in before he threw up again. It was awful to watch.

“Chan, hold this”, Minho said in a small moment of respite, “he needs to sit up more.”

Chan nodded and held the trash bin under Seungmin’s chin while Minho struggled with helping Seungmin sit upright, without touching his injured foot. It was obvious that the vocalist was really dizzy, clutching at his head in desperation.

Minho barely had time to sit down next to him on the couch and wrap an arm around him, so Seungmin could lean on him, before the singer gagged harshly. It was a painful sound and Chan didn’t want to imagine how badly it must be hurting his throat.

More sick came up without much more warning, spraying out of Seungmin’s mouth and nose as the young man sobbed. He was clutching at the bin with white knuckles.

Seungmin had never been good with vomit - despite the frequent migraines he suffered from. When he wasn’t half-blind with pain, vomiting was something that shook the younger to the core. He wasn’t necessarily emetophobic but he also was careful to take care of himself so he wouldn’t be sick. If he was sick despite trying hard to avoid it he always wanted somebody by his side. Still, his insecurities and fears of being a burden to his hyungs, had him ignore his mental well-being before, as he had today.

Chan was just glad he had somebody to hold him now.

“Hyung”, Seungmin whimpered, tearing Chan out of his thoughts. Chan let go of the bin with one hand to soothe the tight grip Seungmin had on the rim.

“It’s going to be okay, baby, we’re here”, Minho assured, rubbing Seungmin’s back.

As Seungmin panted over the bin, seemingly unsure if he was about to throw up again, the door opened - admitting a medic.

“Are you done?”, Chan asked gently, trusting the manager to speak with the paramedic before they tried to get closer. In this vulnerable position, Seungmin surely would not appreciate more eyes on him and prying questions.

“I don’t know, hyung, I don’t …”, Seungmin started but was cut off as his throat contracted again and he dry-heaved. It was pretty clear that he was basically empty.

“You’re going to be okay, baby”, Minho whispered, “let go of the bucket, okay? Everything’s gonna be fine.”

He gestured at Chan to take the bin away, which the leader gladly did. He didn’t think he could watch Seungmin so miserable much longer without bursting into tears himself. As he turned back around, Minho had Seungmin straddling his lap and the vocalist’s fist clutching at the stage outfit he was still wearing. Seungmin was crying silently into his shoulder with Minho running circles over his back.

🧭🐺

“Chan-ssi, the paramedic needs to take a look at Seungmin-ah now”, the manager said after a moment.

Chan nodded and stood up from his position on the floor. “Min-ah”, he said quietly, placing a hand on Seungmin’s shoulder, “I’m sorry but can the medic check on you now? I promise you’ll feel better afterwards.”

Seungmin whimpered and clutched at Minho even more tightly. The dancer looked up at Chan with a worry written all over his face. It was such an un-Seungmin-like behavior but then again, the younger really was not feeling well. It could also be attributed to the fact that he was, after all, burning up.

“Seungmin-ssi”, the young, female medic addressed the vocalist in a comforting voice, “you don’t even need to let go of your hyung, okay? I just need you to turn a bit so I can check your foot over, hm?”

After a few tense seconds, Seungmin nodded and let Chan move him so he was still half on top of Minho but his legs were stretched out so the medic had easy access. Chan settled down on the floor next to them, pushing the disgusting bin away. The manager nodded at him and took it from him, leaving to empty it out. Chan placed one hand on Seungmin’s back and the other on Minho’s arm. The dancer gave him a shaky smile in thanks.

“I’ll take your shoe off now, okay?”, the woman said and Seungmin jerkily nodded. He didn’t make a sound despite the pain, obvious in his tense shoulders and the way he clutched Minho even tighter.

🧭🐶

Seungmin buried his face in Minho’s chest, wishing he could just melt into his hyung. He was feeling terrible, his stomach churning, his ankle throbbing and even his arm was still hurting. He just wanted to go home. The paramedic was kind and careful but still it hurt when she touched and moved his ankle. Mino rubbed his back and Chan offered his hand to hold.

“Press as tightly as you need, Min-ah”, Chan whispered, “we got you.”

Between all the movement and the fever Seungmin was sure he had, at some point, passed out or at least spaced out all the way. Awareness returned to him when the medic let go of his foot and stood up.

“I can’t tell for sure if it’s broken or not. You need to go to the hospital for a CT or MRI scan to be certain. Until then, you can decide if you want an IV with pain meds first or not. I’d give up oral painkillers if you hadn't been throwing up, especially because they will put a new line in the hospital anyway. But considering your state I’d suggest the IV.”

Four pairs of expectant eyes turned to Seungmin and he shrunk under their glances. He didn’t want an IV. He’s never been a fan of needles and the thought of metal underneath his skin nauseated him. Besides, getting one now and then needing another one at the hospital - no, he didn’t think he could deal with that. He also didn’t want to go to the hospital but he knew none of his elders would allow it and deep down he knew he couldn’t avoid it anyways.

“I’m okay until the hospital.”

“Are you sure, Min-ah?”, Chan asked, kneeling down in front of Seungmin and taking his hands in his, “it will hurt a lot and we don’t know how soon they will take care of you. Being an idol only means privacy at the hospital, not necessarily better or faster service.”

“I’m sure”, Seungmin said, nodding resolutely. His future self would have to deal.

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

🧭🐶

Chan carried him to the company car, gently helping Seungmin get situated while Minho took the opportunity to slip into the other backseat next to the injured vocalist.

“Hey, I wanted to sit next to Seungmin-ah”, Chan complained, pouting a bit. Seungmin shakily laughed at his expression of betrayal.

“Tough luck, Bang Chan-ssi”, Minho teased and clasped Seungmin’s hand in his. “I want Seungminnie-time too.”

It was ridiculous seeing the two oldest members play-fighting over him like that but it warmed Seungmin’s heart. It felt good to be loved this deeply. When Chan first approached him about joining his team, Seungmin hadn’t even dared dream of becoming this close to the members.

The lighthearted atmosphere was soon shattered though. Seungmin didn’t have a tendency to get carsick but with his stomach already upset as it was he felt every movement of the car and every bump in the street. As a rather deep pothole caused a burp to rise up his throat, Seungmin pressed the back of his free hand to his lips, partly nauseous and partly embarrassed. He always felt embarrassed by these bodily functions no matter how long he had been living only with young men roughly his age.

Along with the burp, nausea suddenly bubbled in his stomach again. Seungmin didn’t want to be sick again, he really really didn’t. But the heat that encompassed his whole body and the cold sweat starting to form at his temples hinted at a different outcome. His throat was tight, swallowing suddenly a difficult task.

Seungmin tapped the inside of Minho’s wrist and bent over, the other arm moving from his mouth to hold his stomach. He hoped it was enough for his hyung to understand what he needed. He didn’t think that only words would come out if he tried to speak at that moment.

Luckily Minho understood what he wanted and handed over the trash bin they had borrowed from M-Net’s waiting room. They had stored it in Minho’s footrest to allow Seungmin a bit more freedom and so he could accidentally hit his foot against it. Now Seungmin placed it onto his lap, curling over it. He was so exhausted, he let his head rest against the rim - unable to hold it up further.

A warm hand appeared on his back again and another ran through his hair, trying to soothe him. Another hand came to rest on his knee - Chan likely. Normally Seungmin would have felt overwhelmed with all the touches but now it was just comforting.

Another speed bump brought him out of his thoughts and before he even realized what happened, a mouthful of bile hit the bottom of the bin. The stench was burning his nose and Seungmin had to press his eyes shut as he saw the remnants of rice mushed up - he hadn’t eaten since breakfast but apparently even the rice he had shoved down back then hadn’t all come back up yet.

“It’s okay, baby”, Chan’s comforting voice said. “We’re nearly there.”

Nearly there turned out to be another ten minutes but in retrospect Seungmin had to thank his leader for his lie. Knowing they would soon be there helped him keep calm the rest of the ride.

🧭🐶

The wait in the hospital was excruciatingly long. A nurse had ushered Minho and Chan, who was again carrying Seungmin, and the manager into a private examination room - but already apologetically saying that just because they were in an examination room the wait might still be a long time.

It was. Seungmin was just glad he was allowed to lie down on the gurney, not sure if he would be able to stay upright in a chair. It was terribly cold in the room - even the members without high fevers (the nurse who had taken his vitals had announced it was pushing nearly 39.4°C) said it was. The manager had acquired one of those thin blankets and a pillow, while Chan hadn’t given one fuck and just laid down on the gurney with Seungmin. Seeing the young vocalist shiver, the leader hadn’t been able to endure.

Now snug under the blanket and in his leader’s arms, Seungmin was finally sleepy. His ankle pulsed and the nausea was still not gone fully but he was ready to drop off.

🧭🐶

“Wake up, baby”, Minho whispered, his breath tickling Seungmin’s ear. “A doctor is here to look you over.”

Seungmin groaned but forced himself to wake up. The sooner he got examined the sooner he could go home. Chan gently helped him sit up and face the young doctor standing in the room.

“I’m going to do an IV”, the doctor announced without further ado, not even a greeting or introduction. Maybe Seungmin had just not heard it when asleep. Before Seungmin even had a chance to hold out his arm, the doctor, now sitting on a chair, yanked his arm forward and forced the sleeve of Chan’s jacket Seungmin was still wearing up. It was rude and it hurt, but Seungmin swallowed the tears down. He was an adult after all. He didn’t want to seem like a baby in front of his hyungs, the manager and a stranger.

Without any warning, the doctor tied the tourniquet around Seungmin’s upper arm, pulling it tight. Already Seungmin could feel the skin there getting bruised. But the doctor knew best, right? “Hold still”, the doctor said, tone kind of aggressive.

Seungmin had to swallow harshly. He hadn’t even moved, had he? Why was the doctor so rude?

He prepared himself for the uncomfortable touch and pull of finding a vein. It had always been difficult for doctors to find his veins and Seungmin knew with just how dehydrated he was it would probably be really difficult that day.

The doctor sprayed the disinfectant on his elbow and then, he just … stabbed. He didn’t feel around, he didn’t didn’t test different places, he didn’t even check if there was a vein there. Surprised Seungmin let out a small yell, an expression of pain and fear. It hurt more than it should and well, the disinfectant burned.

“Don’t be a wuss”, the doctor said, poking around with the needle that never filled with blood. Seungmin looked up when out of the corner of his eyes he saw Chan get up, an aura of anger surrounding him. But Seungmin shook his head. He didn’t want his leader to make a scene, he could endure. He would be fine.

Then the doctor pulled the needle out, pressing a cotton ball harshly against the blood running out. He rolled his eyes.

“Well, I guess I need to try again”, he said, sounding almost gleeful.

He did try again. Again and again.

Seungmin just stared up at the ceiling, hoping the doctor would just find a vein. Normally he preferred to watch the doctors do their thing but he felt numb now. Bracing for the pain didn’t help. It hurt nevertheless.

The young vocalist nearly wished he had let Chan intervene. It was all becoming too much. But he didn’t dare seek eye contact with his hyungs now. He had after all just taken Chan’s help for granted, pushed him aside when he just wanted to help. Now he had to endure his pride.

It was after a few tries, Seungmin supposed it was over five tries in different places at that point, that he made the mistake of looking. The needle was big - bigger than he had anticipated. Seungmin felt sick seeing it. Still, even after so many failed attempts the doctor didn’t care about trying to find a good spot, he just stabbed. It was the right word, really. The force he used was way too much for the delicate process, especially since he now aimed at Seungmin’s wrist.

It was not a conscious decision, anything else but conscious, when Suengmin flinched away harshly. Maybe it was the fever or the exhaustion or the pain but his reaction was slowed. So when he moved his arm away in fear, the needle was already embedded in his arm - tearing the skin open and blood gushing out instantly.

It was at that moment that Seungmin realized he was out of his depth. Blame it on the sickness but he suddenly felt too overwhelmed, sensitive. Tears shot into his eyes as he curled over the injury, weakly gagging.

“Enough”, Chan yelled but Seungmin was too lost in pain and fear to really understand what was happening.

🧭🐺

It was hard for Chan seeing one of his kids injured or sick or sad. Nearly having to let go of Minho and Felix before their debut. Losing Woojin. Hyunjin begging Stay to stay with him during the false bullying accusation. Seeing Changbin insecure over his looks and sad as the least biased member. Minho hiding away and pretending to be fine when people said he seemed like a cold and unlikable person. Han’s anxiety diagnosis and his panic attacks. Felix’s back injury. Jeongin beating himself up over mistakes. Seungmin never smiling anymore after haters commented on his braces. It all hurt Chan so much he sometimes wondered how he hadn’t broken down crying yet.

Now, Seungmin was sick and injured and so clearly overwhelmed with everything that had happened. To some extent it was even worse seeing normally steadfast and dandy Seungmin be reduced to tears and covered in sick than seeing one of his more fragile members that way.

Chan really wasn’t a fan of the young doctor. He seemed rude, arrogant and inexperienced. But he hoped the first impression was wrong.

Sadly, it wasn’t.

Chan and Minho watched from the sidelines as the doctor first prepared Seungmin’s arm for the IV insertion. The manager had left for a phone call. The pained yelp Seungmin let out when the doctor first pushed the needle in was heartbreaking. Chan never wanted any of the members to make a sound like that ever again.

Chan very nearly didn’t believe his ears when the doctor told Seungmin to not be a wuss. What kind of doctor treated a patient like that, especially a young man who was in serious pain and ill at the same time? Chan started to feel anger bubbling up in him. How dare the man treat Seungmin like this? Like an unruly child rather than a sick and injured adult?

He was about to speak up when he caught Seungmin’s eyes. The younger man shook his head slightly, obviously telling Chan to back off. Chan wouldn’t let Seungmin get hurt like this, no matter what the younger man wanted. He clearly wasn’t thinking straight.

But a hand on his arm washed away the red over his gaze. Don’t, Channie. Seungmin wouldn’t want a fuss. Minho looked like he had bitten into a lemon holding back from doing interfering but they both knew Seungmin wouldn't want that. The main dancer and main vocalist were both so alike that Chan trusted Minho to know what Seungmin would prefer.

So Chan clenched his jaw but held back on commenting on the doctor’s attitude. They did want to get Seungmin safe and home without a fuss. An argument over his head was not in the cards if it could be avoided.

They watched frozen as the man pushed needle after needle into Seungmin, never finding a vein. It seemed almost sadistic. It was clear as day that the doctor couldn’t care less about his patient’s comfort. But they stayed quiet. After everything was over both of them would blame themselves for it.

Then it all went wrong. The doctor tried to find a vein in Seungmin’s wrist, a place that Chan knew was not the safest. But then Seungmin, who had appeared spaced out all during the previous attempts, jerked away. Immediately a spray of blood gushed out and along with it came the tears. Immediately Chan jumped to his feet, Minho following suit. The leader knew his voice took on the authoritative, angry tone that he only used when people - never his members - really fucked up. It was more than deserved in this case.

“Enough!”

While all his senses screamed at Chan to rush to his crying Stray Kid, he knew it was his leader’s duty to do damage control. Besides, Minho had already rushed to Seungmin, gathering the young vocalist in his arms and chan trusted him to take care of him.

“What?”, the doctor asked, whirling around to come face to face with Chan.

The leader was much smaller than the other man but right now he didn’t care as he said flatly, threateningly: “Leave now. You have hurt Seungmin enough.”

It was less than what he wanted to say but he also couldn’t just go around yelling at people even if it was his heart’s desire in this case. The real downside to being an idol.

“Leave”, Chan repeated as the man made no move. He felt oddly calm now, eyes locked with the doctor. He hoped the anger and disgust at the medic’s unprofessionalism came across through his facial expression.

As the doctor opened his mouth to retort, he was interrupted by the manager coming back inside. “What is going on in here?”

Chan was sure they were a sight. He himself yelling at a doctor much taller than him with Minho comforting a sobbing Seungmin in the background. He could have kissed the manager for his timing and felt his shoulder slump in relief. He didn't like yelling, even if deserved, and only ever did if there was no other choice. Starting now, the manager could deal with the doctor.

“Please have him removed from the room”, Chan said, his tone leaving no room for arguments, “this man has been very rude to Seungmin, not treating him like needed in this situation, and he obviously not caring to actually do his job in finding a vein. He injured Seungmin without really trying to actually put the IV.”

“That is a lie”, the doctor barked, “you cannot prove anything.”

The manager’s eyes hardened and he gestured at the doctor to leave. “Go before I call security. The fact that you used the word ‘proof’ is proof enough for me.”

The doctor looked like he wanted to defend himself but as Chan shot him another look he decided against it, rushing from the room.

🧭🐶

The worst in Seungmin’s opinion was that they were causing a scene. He was causing a scene.

He heard how Chan was talking to the doctor, his protective leader instincts taking over. Seungmin didn’t like it one bit. While he knew it was for his own good and that Chan’s anger was not directed at him, he was still scared. Raised voices weren’t really his thing. Especially when he already felt so unwell and overwhelmed.

“Hey, Seungminnie”, Minho whispered and removed the tourniquet from his arm. Then he ran his hand through Seungmin’s bangs to keep them away from his forehead, leaving his cool palm there. It felt heavenly - Seungmin’s whole body seemed to be freezing except for his burning forehead. “It’s gonna be alright, just you see. You know Channie-hyung would move mountains and make the world spin the other direction if you needed him to.”

Seungmin blushed, ducking his head. It was true, all of what Minho had said. Bang Chan - best leader was an award deserved. It was comforting to be loved so deeply and at times even scary how far Chan would go to make them happy. Seungmin wished they could do the same for their leader one day.

Still he couldn't stop the tears soaking Minho’s shirt. He was trembling all over, only his wrist - that Minho had hastily pushed more of the cotton against to stop the flow of blood and which was now immobilized by the grip his hyung had on it - was held still.

Vaguely he was aware of the doctor leaving and then Chan was kneeling by his side, taking Seungmin’s hands laying limply in his lap into his.

“Hyung is sorry”, Chan whispered, now crying himself, “I should have stopped him before it got this far.”

He gently moved Minho’s hand away to look at the wound but again, immediately blood rushed out. Chan sobbed, resting his head on Seungmin’s lap. “I’m so sorry, Min-ah.”

To say Seungmin was shocked was an understatement. He had not expected Chan to react like this, to basically bow at his feet.

“Hyungie, hyungie, it’s my fault”, Seungmin whispered through tears, “I thought I could do it. Don’t blame yourself.”

It was then that Minho took action. “Neither one of you is at fault”, he said sternly, in his no-nonsense voice that he usually used on the younger members when they were being a bit too hyper, “neither of you knew that the doctor would do this … whatever it was. A power trip maybe, but neither of you were part of that. We need to talk about this for sure but we will do so later when all of us are not so exhausted and sick.”

Seungmin nodded against Minho’s shoulder, running his hand through Chan’s curls. “It’s okay, hyung.”

When Chan lifted his head his eyes looked haunted but he nodded resolutely.

🧭🐶

“Boys, a new doctor is here”, the manager said and all three of them turned around to see an older woman step into the room, her smile hidden beneath her mask but her eyes kind.

Before any of them could say anything, she stepped forward and bowed deeply. “I’m terribly sorry for what happened, Seungmin-ssi, Bang Chan-ssi. I was not aware that this doctor would be capable of mistreating patients. I heard from his direct colleagues that he apparently isn’t a fan of idol culture and has been rude to idols before, though never to this extent. I hope you can accept the hospital’s apologies.”

“Apologies accepted”, Seungmin mumbled, too tired to care much about pleasantries at the moment.

Chan nodded reluctantly but then added: “Will there any legal action be taken? His treatment of a patient was unacceptable.”

“He won’t be allowed to treat idols anymore but it will be very hard to prove that he maliciously tried to manipulate the attempts to take blood. I believe you but I can’t promise that the upper management or a court would”, she replied, looking guilty.

“I will talk to our legal department”, the manager promised.

“Can you look over Seungminnie now?”, Minho then asked, “He's really tired and I would like to take him home soon.”

Any other day Seungmin would have hated how his hyung spoke over his head but today it was a welcome relief. He just wanted to be done.

“Of course”, she said, “if Seungmin agrees?”

He appreciated her effort to include him and his opinions, so he tried to smile when he nodded. He was sure that it was just a grimace though.

“Let me wrap your wrist real quick. After that I would like to examine your foot to determine what might be wrong before we do any scans. Your hyungs said you also got the stomach flu and you are running a fever. I know it sounds scary and I really hate to do it but I need to put in an IV line first so we can get you medicated. Is that alright with you?”

Swallowing down the fear, Seungmin nodded and let himself rest against Minho’s chest. Getting his injured wrist wrapped wasn’t that bad and the bleeding stopped soon. Then the bad part came.

“Okay, let me see. I promise I will be gentle. If you need me to stop, just tell me and I will”, the doctor said and Seungmin held out his shaking arm. “Oh, you’re really dehydrated, honey.”

Seungmin watched as she felt his arm up and down, wincing as she accidentally pressed on a few of the spots the other doctor had tried.

“Can I see the other arm?”

But with the other arm she seemed even less happy. The doctor returned to the original arm, wincing when she saw a bruise of the failed attempt earlier form, and made Seungmin open and close his fist. The tourniquet she placed on his upper arm burned but not as much as it did earlier. The disinfectant spray was icy cold.

“I don’t feel comfortable doing a line in your elbow since it’s so bruised. I want to try the back of your hand, okay?”

Seungmin nodded numbly, pressing his back closer to Minho. Still, he couldn’t look away. Seeing was better than not seeing.

The doctor gently slapped his hand, trying to cause more blood flow, feeling around again. “I’m not really happy here but I want try anyway. You’re making finding a vein really hard in your state.”

If Seungmin wasn’t raised as a nice person he would have rudely told her it wasn’t his fault that he was dehydrated and that the IV couldn’t be placed in the most convenient, easiest place. But even in his tired state he knew she only meant to make conversation. So he nodded his consent, feeling Chan take his other hand in support.

“Small pinch”, the doctor said and Seungmin had a millisecond to brace himself before … before he violently jerked his hand away. It was a subconscious move and he was lucky she hadn’t touched his skin yet. The doctor jumped in surprise and Seungmin was quick to apologize: “I’m sorry … I …”

He stumbled horribly over his words. He didn’t even really know what to say. It was scary, getting a needle under his skin. It hurt. He didn’t want to feel the pain again.

“It’s quite alright”, the doctor replied. “Just tell me when you’re ready to try again.”

“Breathe, Min-ah”, Chan said, gently pressing his hand, “we’re right here with you.”

After a few deep breaths, guided by his hyungs, Seungmin felt ready again. Well, not ready to start but ready to be done with the ordeal.

But it wasn’t to be so. Even as Seungmin didn’t flinch away and the doctor moving the needle around under his skin, she couldn’t put in the line. They couldn’t quite blame her - she was obviously trying and very apologetic. Plus, they all knew drawing blood from Seungmin was hard on a normal day.

“I really don’t like doing this but I think our last chance is putting the line in your wrist”, the doctor finally said, “otherwise we will have to try your foot and that is a really uncomfortable place for an IV, especially since then both your feet would be compromised.”

Seungmin just sighed and turned his body so his head rested against Minho’s shoulder. While he normally wanted to see, right now he was overwhelmed with all the sensory input. He hated the thought of having a needle in his wrist but the foot was even less desirable.

“Just do it”, he whispered.

To their collective surprise, the doctor slid in the needle easily and then she exclaimed: “I got it. It’s in, Seungmin-ssi. You did so well.”

Reluctantly Seungmin peeked out from his hiding place and immediately regretted it. The sight of the needle embedded in his wrist, so close to arteries and bones was nauseating. As he was already sick and nauseous, it was too much.

“I feel sick”, he whispered. The doctor reached over to a shelf but it wasn’t fast enough.

Seungmin couldn’t even muster the energy to try to stop the wave of nausea crashing over him. He just opened his mouth and let the gags tear through his throat. Bile and spit dangled from his lips, gently wiped away by Chan holding a tissue. Maybe he finally was empty. Nothing would come up.

“You’re scheduled for an MRI soon”, the doctor explained, still holding the emesis basin she had taken out of the shelf, “I’m going to give you an antiemetic, fluids and painkillers through the line. You should feel better soon. Please try to drink a bit if you can.”

With those words she left the room.

🧭🐶

The wait for the MRI was thankfully short and the medicine was starting to work quickly. The worst thing was Chan forcing Seungmin to take a few sips of water.

Soon Seungmin was lifted into a wheelchair and moved into the MRI room. His jewelry was taken off and soon enough Seungmin was flying flat on the movable platform. The technician pressed a bell into his hand and told him to press it in case of emergency. Then he was inside the machine, eyes pressed shut. He was drifting, not really taking anything in.

The MRI was loud, metal clanking everywhere. It didn’t matter - Seungmin was so tired he basically fell asleep the moment his eyes were closed.

He was awoken by a voice talking to him. Was he done? He hoped so. But then the words registered in his mind. “I will push the contrast agent in now. You might feel a bit warm but let me know if anything becomes unbearable.”

Seungmin nodded and then he felt what the woman had said. It was like he suddenly was burning from the inside, everything too hot. But he did not expect the disgusting taste in his mouth. He didn’t know how or what had happened, if that was supposed to happen, but the nausea that the antiemetic had valiantly fought against, rose again at the taste.

“Take me out, I need out”, Seungmin pleaded. “I can’t - it’s too hot. I …”

He couldn’t finish his sentence. His chest spasmed and vomit spilled from his lips. Seungmin doubted it was much more than the water he had drunk but it was terrifying laying on his back. Without warning he was turned to the side and the vomit spilled down his cheek. It was disgusting but much better than choking on it.

“Okay, okay, you’re okay”, the technician said. But as Seungmin opened his eyes he saw his leader kneeling by his side.

“Channie-hyung”, he whispered.

Chan smiled and wiped Seungmin’s face. “I got you, baby.”

🧭🐺

Chan looked down at the sleeping vocalist on his lap. Seungmin had fallen asleep after throwing up during the MRI. Apparently some patients could taste the contrast agent and it had triggered Seungmin’s sensitive stomach. Chwas was just glad that Seungmin was now asleep, the vocalist had been stretched far beyond his limits of the day.

The doctor had determined that it was indeed a broken ankle and now Seungmin’s foot was in a cast, resting on Minho’s lap. They finally were on their way home with prescriptions for nausea medication, fever reducers and painkillers, as well as a pair of crutches.

But for now Seungmin was asleep and that was what he needed most.

“Don’t worry, Chan”, Minho whispered to not disturb their dongsaeng, “he will be fine, just you wait. Soon enough he will chase us through the dorm on crutches and be an absolutely terrible delight.”

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - Stray Kids

#Kpop #Kpop blog #Kpop sick #Kpop sickfic #Sickfic #Emeto #🧚🏻‍♀️#Title from Case 143 (Stray Kids)#🧭#🐺#🐰#🐶#caretaker bang chan #caretaker minho/lee know #sickie seungmin #injury #whump #stray kids

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