#cas understands because of all that's he's done in the name of duty

[shallowrambles]

[noblest-roman-of-them-all]

Sides in Space (Name for AU pending)

F*ck it, we ball. Have a bit of what I have written for my Sanders Sides/Star Trek Crossover AU

"Dr. McCoy, he's waking up." An unfamiliar said in the distant fog of his pounding head.

"Thanks, Nurse Chapel," another unfamiliar voice answered. Dread began twisting in his gut, sending his heart racing. "Captain Sanders?" The voice called. "Sir, can you hear me?"

His eyes fluttered open and a man that almost seemed familiar stood over him.

"Captain Sanders, I'm Dr. McCoy-"

"Where's Dr. Sanchez?"

McCoy sighed. "Can you tell me what you remember from the last few hours?"

"Not untill you tell me where Dr. Sanchez is," he challenged.

McCoy nodded and took a seat beside the bed. "Dr. Sanchez was killed in the line of duty," he answered solemnly. "I'm sorry, Captain."

Thomas went pale. "How?"

"Approximately 72 hours ago, Star Fleet recieved an urgent message from Vulcan. They were being attacked by an unknown enemy with an unknown weapon. The Fleet deployed all available ships to aid Vulcan, including yours and the Enterprise, the ship your on now. There were complications and the Enterprise arrived moments after the rest of the Fleet, also under attack. We pulled in as many Kelvin pods as we could, that's how you ended up here. It's...a lot to explain, and I honestly don't understand most of it, but Vulcan was destroyed. The enemy created a singularity within the planet. When the planet it went...it took a lot of the Fleet with it."

Tears ran openly down the captain's cheeks. "My crew?" He asked, his chest beginning to heave.

McCoy shook his head. "We don't know, we haven't been able to confirm...everyone we lost. I'm so sorry. As soon as I know anything, you'll know. You have my word."

Thomas nodded. "Thank you," he croaked.

"I know this is a lot, but I do need to go over at least some of your injuries with you."

"Aisde from the concussion?" He coughed, trying to regain his composure.

McCoy gave half a smile. "Yessir. When we opened your pod, you a pretty significant injury to your lower right leg. Someone had apparently done some emergency treatment before getting you into the pod because there was a tourniquet applied-"

"This isn't good news, is it?"

"No sir," McCoy shook his head. "We had to do an emergency amputation."

Thomas dropped his head back, pressing a hand over his mouth as tears started again down his cheeks. "This can't be happening," he gasped. "It ca- this- it's not- this can't be happening."

"Captain, I'm gonna need you to take a deep breath," Dr. McCoy advised. "Breathe in slowly through your nose. And out throughout your mouth. That's right, just like that."

Thomas tried to do as he was told, but something broke in his chest and he fell into heaving sobs. Strong arms wrapped around him and Thomas clung to the other man like a life line.

Thomas blinked, his eyes blurred and gunky, and found his head rested against a blue clad shoulder. The arms around his back loosened as he sat up.

"You alright?"

"Sorry-"

"Don't be," McCoy cut in and helped him rest back on the bed. "You've lost a lot. You need to grieve. We all need that."

---

"Any word?" Captain Sanders asked hopefully when Dr. McCoy came into his hospital room. They'd been back on earth nearly a week and every day he'd asked if any of his crew had been found. The death toll had been astronomical and more were declared dead everyday as they sorted through what was left of the rumble and did their best to identify bodies.

Even most of the cadets that had been sent up had been lost. Still Thomas tried to remain hopeful that at least some of crew had been found and survived as he had. But the look on Leonard's face was was quickly driving that hope away.

"I'm sorry," Leonard murmured.

His heart began to pound in his chest. "How many?" He asked, trying to be brave, but Dr. McCoy shook his head.

"None."

Tears dripped from his deep brown eyes. "What?"

Leonard took one of Thomas's hands in both his own. "They weren't able to find any survivors among your crew. I'm so sorry."

"But there's over four hundred- how could they not-"

---

There was a light tap on the hospital door and Dr. McCoy entered the room. "Admiral Sanders? Admiral Pike is here to see you if you're up to it."

"Think he'd actually take no for an answer?" He asked without taking his eyes off the window.

"Not in my experience, sir."

Thomas let out a weighty sigh and nodded. "Let him in."

"Yessir." Len stepped aside and opened the door for Pike to wheel himself into the room.

"Afternoon, Admiral!" Pike said cheerily and wheeled himself over to the window seat. His face softened as he watched the younger man stare out the window. "How ya holdin' up today, son?"

"I, uh, I tried to run a sim today. Dr. McCoy cleared me to do just a basic flight sim, I wasn't even the one running it and, uh-" He clenched his jaw gesturing to the hospital room. "It wasn't even- There wasn't even anything happening in it. It was just a regular orbital sim. But I panicked. Panicked and apparently hyperventilated myself into passing out and hit my head on the way down."

"Let me guess, Dr. McCoy wanted you to stick around a few hours so he could monitor you?"

Thomas nodded. "He was worried since I already had a pretty severe concussion."

"Yeah, that sounds about right for him. So. What's the damage report then?"

Thomas side eyed him. "This one of those trick questions you're famous for?"

Chris smirked. "Yes, it is. Dr. McCoy gave me an update before he let me in here."

"I've got project for you, Admiral," Pike announced and took a seat across the desk from Thomas.

The younger man sighed. "Do you really have to call me that?"

"It is your rank, son. You need to get used to hearing it."

"It wasn't my idea."

"You could retire," Chris suggested drawning a tired glare from Thomas. He chuckled and held out a data pad. "Here. Take a look at these."

"Cadet files?"

Pike nodded. "I want you to pick out a couple command track cadets to mentor-"

"Oh right, like you did with Dr. McCoy," Thomas agreed wryly.

Pike smiled, relieved to hear some color back in the young man's voice. "Exactly. The Fleet is working on implementing a new program that would allow cadets to spend their last year working on a ship, training directly under a Cheif Offficer in their field of study, with the idea that they would be immediately placed on said ship upon graduation and be trained to take over that position when that CO retires or in emergency situations."

"Isn't that basically what happened with the Enterprise?"

"More or less," Pike agreed. "It wasn't ideal, but it was successful. The idea is that next time they won't be under-prepared."

"Maybe we should focus more on there not being a next time."

"We're doing that too," Pike assured.

He nodded with a sigh as he flicked through the list of names.

"You still with me, son?" Chris waited a beat. "Captain."

Thomas's head snapped up. "Hm?"

"You still with me?" Pike repeated.

He blinked several times then glanced away with a sigh, working his jaw. "Maybe I should retire," he murmured to himself.

"Is that what you want?"

"I want my crew back."

"I know, son," Pike assured softly. "You lost a lot of good folk-"

"I lost them all."

"But it wasn't your fault. You gave the orders to evacuate and those orders were carried out-"

"But what if I was wrong? What if- Maybe I shouldn't have, maybe-"

"Your ship was torn apart, admiral, evacuation would have been necessary no matter what."

Thomas nodded, trying to blink away the tears in his eyes.

"I know it still hurts. It will for a long time and it'll come in waves. And sometimes those waves will knock you over and that's okay. But I wholeheartedly believe you're capable of making a difference in the lives of these cadets, there's a lot they can learn from you and I'm willing to bet, there's a lot you can learn from them. I know I've certainly learned a lot from my boys. All that said, there's no shame in needing to step away if that's what's going to be best for you."

---

Pike glanced up from the list of cadets, brow arched in amusement. He glanced back down again scrolling over the list once more. "Admiral, not a single one of these cadets are command track."

"Cadet Sinclair is on track to become a pilot," Thomas pointed out.

"There are six names here."

"There are two sets of siblings."

"You're sure on all these?"

"They're all within the top ten of their class and have been overlooked by multiple admirals and commanding officers in their fields of study," Thomas explained. "This program is supposed prepare cadets for the field. I don't think that training should be restricted to those at the very top of their fields. We should support all cadets, not just those who 'earn' it."

Pike smiled crookedly and nodded. "Alright. Let's reach out."

[cassianandfenrysaremyboyos]

What's your favourite poppy/cas moment? 🥹

You think I can narrow that down to one anon?? Impossible!! So this is probably gonna get long because if there's one thing I love to talk about it's poppycas! So bless you for this ask anon.

I've answered something similar before so check out this post here for all my fave moments from the first book

Ok second book. A Kingdom of Flesh and fire is my FAVE book of the series so again I don't know how I'm going to narrow it down to one. Especially because I love the entire first part of the book where they're at New Haven and trying to navigate their relationship and they're both in love with each other but they both don't think the other is in love with them. And there's so much miscommunication and feelings left unsaid. And again it's just so angsty. This book is maximum pining angst!

But as for specific moments I love when Casteel rips out Landels heart for insulting and treatening Poppy. "But then you insulted her. You made her flinch, and then you threatened her. I will not forget that. And I will not be able to forgive you" lives rent free in my mind RENT FREE!

Also I love the part where Poppy runs and Casteel comes after her and afterwards asks her "why did you run?" It's like, despite everything he's done he can't believe she'd go back to them (not that she is exactly, but he doesn't know that) and it hurts him that she would choose them over him even after everything he's told her about how terrible they are. The way he says it, there's so much hurt in the words. And I just love the whole conversation because it's so full of feeling but neither of them is being open or honest about how they really feel. And then there's the part where he tells her about why he chose the name Hawke because he knows it's important to her to know that something about him was real. My heart! 💔 Anyway yeah just love all of it!

OH and the carriage scene, where Casteel catches up to a speeding horse and carriage on foot! And rips the door off to get to Poppy

Also I love love love the two conversations they have towards the end of the book when they're in the room at Spessa's End and they finally start to open up to each other and really hash things out! It's so angsty and the tension and emotion is just *chefs kiss*. The way Poppy's like "I don't know what you what from me?" and Casteel's like "Everything!!" and Poppy's replies "I don't understand what that means?" And he says "do you think I understand any of this? I didn't plan any of this. I didn’t plan on being drawn to you. I didn’t plan to want you. I didn’t plan on risking everything to keep you. I didn’t—” AND HE WAS GOING TO SAY I DIDN'T... PLAN ON LOVING YOU but then they were interrupted damn it Emil!! 😭 And also the part where Casteel says "when I'm with you I forget" He forget about all his responsibilities, all his pain, he forgets everything but her *cries*

And later on when they finally finish that conversation and basically admit they love each other. Although they never actually say the words. And let me tell you, that frustrated the hell out me haha because I👏 needed👏 them👏 to👏 say👏 it👏!! But we did get "Your heart, Poppy? It is a gift I do not deserve. But it is one I will protect until my dying breath" and if that doesn't make your heart melt 💕

Also last one, I adore the scene in tcogb where Casteel tells Poppy that she's allowed to be vulnerable with him, that it's his duty as her husband to make sure she feels safe and comfortable with him and holds her as she cries. He really is the blueprint *sobs*

[mishasminions]

Here’s why the Supernatural Series Finale Sucked

(AND IT REALLY ISN’T JUST BECAUSE CAS/MISHA WASN’T IN IT)

First of all, I’d like to state, that this perspective is coming from someone who has watched, invested in, and dissected this show for 15 years. I’ve tried to rationalize and justify every single decision each of the main characters made throughout the years, and I’ve always tried to make sense of each of their story arcs from a “bigger picture” standpoint as each season progressed.

Anyway, before I can properly explain why the finale sucked, let me quickly take you through 15 seasons by segregating them into 3 eras, because you can’t really comprehend what Supernatural is about and what it’s become without going through how it tried to expand its universe.

SEASONS 1-5: THE KRIPKE ERA

Now, we all know that Kripke was always set in wrapping up Sam and Dean’s story in 5 seasons, and he did just that.

So, in this era, Supernatural is about two brothers who set out on a journey to fulfill “the family business”. They hunt mythical monsters that terrorize the world, while battling the monsters within themselves. Their ultimate “big bad” is an apocalypse.

Towards the end of this era, we find out that Sam and Dean are actually a parallel to Biblical characters who are brothers turned rivals. And that Sam and Dean’s destiny is to go up against each other.

However, as a dynamic, they have always been about making their own choices, choosing free will, and having a brotherly bond that can power through against any obstacle at any given day.

So, this era is neatly wrapped up with its finale. The characters grow, and get justified endings.

Dean, a man who thinks of himself as two things: 1. Sam’s older brother and protector; and 2. Daddy’s blunt little instrument.

He’s spent his whole life believing that that was his only purpose, and he knew that the only ending he’ll get would either be a bloody death fulfilling his duty to the family business; or laying his life on the line to save his brother.

Dean gets the ending he thought was never possible for him, something he thought he could never deserve. After years of living and dying for his family, he gets a shot at having an apple pie life--to settle down with a nice girl, raise a kid in a house with a white picket fence. With Sam gone, Dean’s responsibility now is to himself.

Sam, on the other hand, never wanted any part of it, because he wasn’t groomed the way Dean was, and because thanks to Dean, Sam wasn’t traumatized or forced into growing up too quickly the way Dean was.

So Sam aspires for a normal life, and works the cases with Dean so he can maybe get some semblance of it, when everything they set out to kill are laid to rest.

Ultimately, Sam performs a selfless act for his brother, who has given up everything for him, and for their cause--to save the world.

The journey is this: Dean sacrifices everything to save Sam, and Sam sacrifices himself so Dean could live.

Apart from being Dean’s “savior” and guardian angel, Castiel’s role in this era is to serve as a mirror to Dean’s journey. Castiel goes from being heaven’s foot soldier, following “God’s orders”; to an angel who learns to choose and feel for the first time in his existence.

After they realize that they’re both daddy’s blunt instruments, Dean starts choosing his own path for himself, and convinces Castiel to join him. Castiel stops following heaven, and starts following Dean.

In the end, with his newfound understanding of the world thanks to Dean, Castiel goes back to heaven to reform it.

We’ve resolved the biblical arc, and the character journeys.

SEASONS 6-10: THE SPIN-OFF ERA

So this is where the show realizes how vast its universe can be, so it tries to expand it by tapping into uncharted lands and experimenting with it.

They take on heaven, reform hell, explore purgatory, have the angels fall, turn Dean into a demon, and kill Death.

Dean and Sam recognize their codependency, and try to rise above it.

They go back and forth between which brother will risk it all for the greater good every other season.

Dean and Cas strengthen their relationship by recognizing the impact they have on each other’s lives.

Cas structures his life and decisions around Dean (Seasons 6-7), and Dean learns to trust and fight for Cas (Seasons 8-9).

Sam and Cas bond (mostly over Dean) because of their shared rationales in decision-making.

Dean, Sam, and even Cas also forge relationships with the people they work with. The concept of “found family” is introduced here.

This era was heavy on the plot while establishing, reinforcing, and solidifying relationships and dynamics.

At this point, it wasn’t just about the brothers anymore.

If Supernatural had ended in Season 10, the logical finale would’ve been Team Free Will, along with the family that they’ve found, going up against the latest big bad (Death or whoever). Maybe they lose them along the way, maybe they all make it out alive, or maybe they go down swinging, but at least the show recognizes and supports the message they keep saying, “Family don’t end with blood”

SEASONS 11-15: THE REWRITE ERA

This is where the show runs out of ideas and decides to invalidate the seasons that came before it.

From bringing Mary back (basically rendering their whole journey pointless because they’ve literally started hunting because of her death), to changing the stipulations in being Michael and Lucifer’s vessels (another character struggle rendered useless), to God himself breaking the fourth wall by saying that the Winchesters get away with everything because “they’re the main characters in his story and everything they’ve been through was just part of a badly written narrative”.

But what we’re getting from this era is that Sam and Dean, along with Cas (who has also deviated from the story) ARE trying to escape a badly written narrative.

That’s the “big bad” in this era. The writer.

At this point, the characters have picked up so many strays (including those from alternate universes), and have settled into their roles in their “found family”. Dean, Sam, and Cas all become surrogate dads and uncles.

They’ve also graduated from the whole “we’re on different sides” and “going behind each other’s backs” drama. And they just want the whole family together.

They’ve all resigned themselves to the cause, but they’re also tired. Dean allows himself to contemplate about wanting more out of life or at least getting a vacation. Sam, on the other hand, realizes his capabilities as an effective leader. Castiel learns to love another being that isn’t Dean (spoiler: it’s Jack).

However, they also realize that they’ve just been puppets on a string all this time.

So what they want now, is to write their own story, and make their own choices knowing that God/the writer isn’t the one fueling their narrative.

So here’s why the finale sucks:

Andrew Dabb, the current showrunner, said that there would be two finales.

15x19 - The finale to wrap up Season 15, and 15x20 - The finale to wrap up the series by “resolving the characters’ journey”

In 15x19 the boys find a way to de-power God/the writer. For the first time in their whole lives, they are free from the story. Their lives are completely theirs now. They can make their own decisions. There are no more “big bads” to fight

And here’s what happens in 15x20:

Immediately after being freed from their story arc, Dean and Sam go back to hunting the monster of the week.

Dean eats pie, gets nailed (literally), makes a 10-minute speech to Sam because he knows he’s dying, then he goes to heaven.

Dean is greeted by Bobby, his surrogate Dad who he hasn’t seen (fully alive) since Season 7. Bobby’s expository dialogue comprises of him explaining that he got out of heaven’s jail, that John and Mary are next door, and that Jack and Cas fixed the dynamics of heaven off-screen.

The first thing Dean decides to do is go for a long drive in his Impala (as if he hasn’t done enough of that already).

Meanwhile, Sam decides to stop hunting after Dean dies, he gets the apple pie life he hadn’t wanted since Season 8 (while Dean was in Purgatory), and names his kid “Dean” for effect. He grows old and dies.

Dean drove around in heaven for so long that Sam catches up to him.

They hug. The end.

Great, right?

After 15 years of struggling to battle their own respective destinies, going up against big bads and even bigger bads, then finally being able to take charge of their own stories, Dean and Sam regress to hunting the monster of the week, and get killed off by a nail and old age. Okay.

Sam gets to retire and have a family, sure, but they still focus on him and the kid he named after his dead brother. Still just “Sam and Dean” through and through. Nothing to do with found family. Just lineage. Just blood. And it ends there.

See, the problem here is that this ending would’ve been passable in The Kripke Era. But we’re 10 years down the road since, and while Sam and Dean are the original main characters, the show isn’t just about them and their codependent relationship anymore.

So you see, even if you take out the whole “Castiel deserves to be in the finale because he’s also a main character with an unfinished story arc” argument, the finale still does no justice to the series it tried to “wrap up”.

But anyway, now I’ll make the case for the problem with Castiel not being in the finale:

In 15x18, we get a 5-minute rushed confession from Castiel to Dean. The context of which are as follows:

1. Earlier in the episode, Dean had wounded Death with her scythe. We later find out that this wound is fatal.

2. Their friends start to “blip out” in a Thanos-like snap, and Dean thinks that Death is causing it, so Dean seeks her out, and Cas goes with him.

3. Dean and Cas anger Death, apparently for no reason because she didn’t even do the thing they thought she did. She chases them to try to kill them

4. Dean and Cas lock themselves in a room. Dean starts a pity party.

5. As Dean goes through hating himself out loud, Cas decides to inform Dean of the deal he made with The Empty. He then proceeds to explain the stipulation of the deal (that he would get taken once he experiences a moment of true happiness), then discusses his newfound happiness philosophy. Dean is getting whiplash.

6. Cas goes on to imply that the one thing that he wanted that he knew he couldn’t have is Dean Winchester reciprocating his romantic feelings for him. (Don’t even try to fight me on this because Cas already has Dean’s platonic love, and he knows that Dean thinks of him as a brother, so if he really meant this in a “familial” way, then why would he think that he couldn’t have the thing that would make him happy?) So Cas’ realization is that telling Dean about his feelings is enough to make him happy.

7. Cas tells Dean all the reasons why he loves him (thereby combating Dean’s self-deprecation tirade), and all the reasons why he’s worthy of his love. Meanwhile, Dean is still winded from the fact that Cas is about to sacrifice himself for him again.

8. Dean never gets to process anything, because Cas is shoving him out of the way, as he and Death (who busts through the door) get taken by The Empty.

After this episode, Dean never speaks of it. Misha Collins supposes that Dean doesn’t reciprocate. Jensen Ackles says that Dean didn’t really get to process it because it was too much, too fast, and that Dean, still dense as ever, thinks that Cas, a celestial being, doesn’t interpret human feelings the same way.

So what was the point of this confession?

Politics and sensitivities of a 2005 network television aside, what does this do for the story?

Cas proclaims his romantic feelings to Dean, but Dean never acknowledges it, doesn’t even give it a passing thought afterwards. So Cas’ big declaration goes unheard.

Cas cashes in on his Empty deal to kill Death (who was dying anyway), in order to save Dean who dies two episodes after.

Dean makes no effort to save Cas (despite being really broken up about his previous deaths, or even spending a whole year in Purgatory looking for him), even after they’ve beaten God, not even asking Jack (who has all the power in the universe) to bring him back (when Jack has already done it before, with less mojo).

Dean moves on to fight the monster of the week. Somewhere off-screen, Jack rescues Cas from The Empty, but Cas uncharacteristically doesn’t even bother to go to Dean? (Every single time he comes back, Dean’s always the first person he goes to)

And Cas, who apparently helped craft and reform the new heaven, isn’t the one who welcomes Dean and explains the new dynamics of it?

Sure, Jan.

Supernatural, you’ve created a finale that only your casual viewers and people who dipped out after Season 5 can appreciate.

Just goes to show how much you actually valued the people who actually invested in your story and characters, and consistently helped keep your show on the air.

[RT this on Twitter]

[frostbittenbucky]

Bruce Wayne

The Batman

The Dark Knight

Worlds Greatest Detective

Had fucked up

Bruce Wayne isn’t a slob, he’s not lazy- he is the complete opposite of his persona “Brucie Wayne”, who is a lazy pampered prince. But Bruce Wayne? Never.

So after Bruce finishes a snack he washes his dishes like any civilized human would do- or else Alfred would have some very choice words and some very petty actions towards him. It’s a simple task, take off his rings, run the water, apply the soap, scrub then rinse.

Simple.

But someone tell Bruce how the hell he managed to drop his ring down the drain? And someone tell Bruce why the didn’t stop for a moment and think before shoving his hand down the drain?

He fucked up. Now he’s stuck. But Bruce Wayne is a genius, he can get himself out of this silly situation. So he tries pulling... and pulling... and pulling. Ok, next option, lubricant. Soap will do. So Bruce proceeds to pour a generous amount of soap around his hand, he moves it around to make sure it’s coated, then he pulls. And pulls. Ok so next move.

What’s the next move?

He groaned loudly, thinking how utterly ridiculous and stupid this situation is. “Ok... dammit,” he muttered to himself. He decided to reach for his phone and-

Shit. It’s on the kitchen island directly behind him, where it’s just out of his reach. Why did he do that? Oh right, because he got water in his speaker last time. Right. Perfect. Wonderful.

“Alfred?” He called out, “Alfred, Damian are you still here?” No response. Shitshitshitshitshitgodammitshitshit.

Maybe he can reach his phone? He thought. So with all his grace he leaned towards to island, swishing at the air in hopes his phone would magically come into his hand. Nah.

Leg, his leg might reach. It’s longer than his arm, and his can get some torso length in there. Lifting his leg and leaning his body out he kicks at the counter, his brows furrowed. Fuck. Bruce is very flexible, but his leg and torso are extended to the fullest human capacity, and fuck why are these countered so spaced out?!

Bruce pulls his body back and lays his forehead on the cold countertop, trying to push down the rage that’s building up in his chest. This is stupid. This is so fucking stupid. “Is anybody home? Stephanie? Jason? Ca- not you, Titus,” He lifted his head from the counter and looked to his right, and there Titus stood in front of Bruce, wanting to investigate the noise. Seeing nothing interesting Titus tilted his head and gave a “boof” before turning out and leaving him to his own demise, “no wait,” Bruce reached out for the dog who already made up his mind.

So there he stood.

Bruce Wayne

The Batman

The Dark Knight

The Worlds Greatest Detective

Dumbass

Knowing he now has to swallow his pride and go into his next move, he groans loudly. It’s not like it’s the first time he’s called when it wasn’t anything life threatening. Sure, it’s rare, but it does happen. Plus, he always understands, and by now he knows the differences between help and help. But Bruce knew there would be consequences... because he isn’t scared of Bruce, all his intimidation tactics fall short, completely on deaf ears around him.

“Clark,” his voice sounded almost like a whine, his voice was a little hoarse from literally forcing the words past his lips, “if you’re not busy I need a hand.”

Just as soon as his finished his sentence Clark was stood in front of him, flannel, glasses, and cowboy boots, “howdy.” Bruce closed his eyes at Clark’s greeting, then opened them to send him a hard glare, “what’s seems to be the problem, Bruce?” A wide and knowing grin spread across Clark’s face. X-ray vision. No explanation needed. Sure friends help friends in their times of need. But best friends? Oh yea, Bruce had to earn his help by paying the high price of humiliation.

“Just hand me my phone, Clark,” pointing at the device just out of reach.

A shocked and confused looked replaced Clark’s smile, “oh, this? This phone right here?” He also pointed, walking to grab the device, “you don’t happen to have Face ID do you?”

“No, I w-“ It was a lie. Clark know had opened his phone just by turning it to Bruce’s face. A sigh left his body, was this price worth his freedom? Probably not.

“Hold on, B, I’m not dressed properly. This is a rescue after all,” and just in a blink of an eye Superman now stood in front of a tired looking Bruce, having no choice of his front vow seat the shit show that was about to unfold. Clark lifted the phone and snapped a couple selfies with Bruce, grinning his charming smile that the world adored him for. Bruce looked like a hungover raccoon, putting it kindly.

“Are your done? Just get me out and I’ll buy you a horse or something.”

“Aw, you do care. I knew you were listening when I told you about that pony farm,” Clark didn’t bother to look up from the phone, tapping away at the screen, “oh Bruce, your groupchat is named ‘family’?”

His eyes widen, “don’t you da-“

“-Isn’t Dick a firefighter? I think that he’s better for this job,” Clark announced, taking a seat on the island that just out of reach, “I hope you understand Mr. Wayne, I’m glad to offer help but them seems like a job for our local emergency service.”

“If you call 911,” Bruce growled, gritting his teeth together, leaning towards the other man and close as possible, “I swear.”

Scoffing, Clark waves him off, “of course not, why would I waste a 911 operators time? There’s people who need real help out there. I’m calling Dick directly.” Once again, is the price of freedom worth it?

————-

“Fireman Dick Grayson reporting for duty!” Cried his oldest child with two other firman following close behind, “hey pops I h- is that Superman?” He faked a gasped, clutching his chest.

The group chat had blown up by now. A series of text and FaceTime calls followed shortly after.

Damian: “Tt. Father this is utterly disappointing”

Bruce: “Sorry to be disappointing, kiddo”

Stephanie: “lmfaoooo I’m coming over. Be there in 10 don’t escape until I get there”

Jason: *screenshot of the photo of Superman and Bruce posted on Twitter with the caption: “when your dad panics and calls Superman”

Jason: *another screenshot of a multitude of replies along the lines, “what are you doing step bro?” “What are your doing Superman?”*

Duke: “the mighty Batman has finally met his match. A kitchen sink”

Cassandra: “😆😆😂🤣😬🤔🧠���🏻‍♀️💕💕💗💓💖”

Bruce: “thank you, Cassandra. I think.”

Stephanie: “imma do a live when I get there 🤣”

Tim: “you know we’re not going to let you live this down right b?”

Dick: “dumbasssssss”

Dick: “don’t worry B I’ll be there to rescue you shortly”

Bruce: “I can unadopt all of you.”

Alfred: “master Bruce, please word yourself properly. “Unadopt” isn’t a real word.”

Bruce: “Sorry, Alfred.”

So now that official rescue crew has arrived he expected this to be a quick and professional release. Nah. Dick, his oldest, his light in the dark, his son, his baby boy, is an asshole.

Dick started taking his own selfies with Bruce and Superman. Dick and Clark wore bright smiles, full of perfect teeth and glimmering eyes. Bruce, again, looked like a mess. He was wearing an old shirt, old sweatpants, no makeup on, his hair an untamed, scattered, frizzy mess. He should’ve conditioned, but he wasn’t expecting to go out today or have any photos done today.

The price of freedom is high, but not worth it.



[sortasirius]

“Unity” and the Broken Boys

BOY Y’ALL BETTER SIT DOWN BECAUSE THIS IS AS LONG AS CAN BE AND I TOOK OFF WORK TOMORROW SO I’VE GOT TIME

This is....one of the best episodes in the show.  Yeah, in all 325 of them, this is hands down one of the best.

First of all, stan Amara for clear skin.

That silent treatment babey, right out the gate with the Angst.  Tbh Dean deserves it.

“Like I said, killing Amara, Jack dying...that’s the only way.”

“The only way.  Our one shot.  Our Last chance.  You ever get tired of saying stuff like that?”

“We don’t have to like it, alright?  But you and me, we gotta get it done.”

Amara is such a welcome energy in this whole episode.  She’s warm and understanding, whip-smart and probably more powerful than Chuck.  I love her.

Sam is a wonderful, understanding, loving dad.  I love him eternally.  He loves Jack so much, he’s trying so desperately to do what’s right for Jack but also what’s right for the world.  Jack made this choice, but he can’t live with it.  How do you support your child when their life is at stake?

“Come on man.  Blindly following orders, lying to Amara, sending her to her death. Does any of this feel right to you??”

“It doesn’t matter how we feel!  You know what?  Stay.  Stay.  Someone has to be the grown up here.”

“Yeah well someone has to keep fighting for Jack!”

“He knows what he signed up for!”

“Last I checked, we don’t give up on family.”

“Jack’s not family.”

Y’all should have heard the noise I made.  What a fucking line.

“I know how you feel about the kid, I care for him too, I do, but he’s not like you.  He’s not like Cas.  He’s just not.”

“I’m- I’m ready.”

You can see the regret, the heartbreak in Dean’s eyes.  You can see how he wants to take those words back the moment he said them, and for Jack to hear them?  It’s unthinkable.

Sam and Cas I’m just so fucking emo dude.

“Sam, you stayed behind to find another way huh?  I woulda done the same.”

AMARA

First of all, LOVE this structure.

Amara and Chuck have such a fascinating dynamic.  Rob and Emily do a great job (as they have all along) by clearly being siblings but...heightened.  You can just tell they both exude power, and the other is the only one they consider an equal.

“You and Dean had that whole weird...thing.”

“That wasn’t you writing?”

“Ugh, not that part.  Gross.”

What I took away from this is what I’ve suspected all along.  They HAVE free will, just not total free will.  Dean and Amara’s connection wasn’t Chuck, there are parts of the story he didn’t write.  Obviously, this comes into play later. 

I also have a hunch that Chuck doesn’t write romance.  I also think that in particular will come into play.

“Balance.  Something we’ve never tried before.  Creation and destruction, light and dark, brother and sister united again, but on behalf of one world, this world.  True balance.  The way it was always meant to be.  But you can’t.  You only care about your pleasure, your story.  Well, I guess that makes you the villain.”

“Villains get all the best lines.”

We see again and again this season, Chuck is irredeemable.  He doesn’t care about the angels, he doesn’t care about the world, he doesn’t care about anything.  He is a petulant toddler who has broken his toys. And when he realizes he’s trapped, he gets angry, he shouts and screams, completely at odds with Amara’s peace.

“You can’t hold me here forever.”

“I can hold you long enough.”

DEAN

Pain is the name of the game in this section homies.  Because not only are we dealing with Dean’s pain, we’re also dealing with Jack’s.  Jack says he understands why Cas and Sam mean more to Dean, but Dean clearly doesn’t, he, once again, wants to say more, but is stopped, still stopped by his fear: his fear of not beating Chuck.

Alright guys, gals, and non-binary pals.  Let’s talk about Adam and Seraphina.

Adam.  The first man.  And Seraphina.  The angel.

“My old lady.  She’s the only one who could put up with me all these years.”

Yeah okay.  Volume at 100 I get it lmao.

But also: Adam wants God dead not because he and Eve were kicked out of the Garden, but because he went after their sons.  The theme of protecting the children strikes again.

“Killing God is your plan?”

“Yeah, Billie’s been giving us a hand but Sera and me, this is our baby.”

This juxtaposed directly with Dean’s own pain at what he has to do to kill Chuck, to gain his free will: the cost of his child.

Adam’s rib.

And who else might get his ribs hurt, only to be likely healed by an angel?

It’s fine, that’s fine.  I’m fine with that.

“Jack, I don’t know how to explain it but, when I found out about Chuck, it’s like I wasn’t alive.  Not really.  You know like my whole life I’ve never been free, but like really free.  But now?  Now me and Sam, we got a shot at living a life, without all this crap on our backs.  And that’s, that’s because of you.  So, I want to say, I need to say...thank you, Jack.  Thank you.”

I’m gonna have to do a separate post about just Dean in this episode, because there is so fucking much to talk about, but there are a couple of things that I think are important:  Dean realizes how wrong he was, to say what he said.  He knows that it’s not true, this is the way he’s always coped with loss, by pushing the person to be lost away, but for Jack to hear it?  He can’t stand for that.

And:

Dean has finally pushed through the barrier.  He won’t be quiet in the face of his doubts anymore.  This is a breakthrough for him, and, of course, there are more to come.

SAM

Sam and Cas, my chaos duo.

The box, the inscription, the door.

Death’s library, filled with dead reapers.

And there it is.  The Empty.

It tells Sam the plan, the plan for Billie to take God’s place.  For everything to go back to the way it’s “supposed to be.”

This has always been the game, since season 13.  This is the longest of long games.

Sam fuckin Winchester, lying his way out of a confrontation with the Empty like the legend that he is.

He comes back with a new purpose: to stop Billie’s plan, and here’s where we get to the heart of the episode and maybe the heart of the season.

“You hear that?  Dean, brought to the edge of doubt.  His sense of duty, his rage winning out in the end.  And poor Sam, always gotta know everything.  Can’t leave well enough alone.  This is my ending, my real ending.”

The gun comes out, pointed at Sam.

Hmm...what did I say during 15x05?  Oh yeah, this.

And:

Dean would never survive killing Sam, but he’s willing to do anything, anything to earn his freedom.  His ending, where one brother kills the other and then kill himself.

Why, you might ask, did Sam not mention that the angels would be sent back to Heaven, why does he not mention Cas?  I’ll tell you why, or rather, Becky will.

Plus, Dean looks back at Cas IMMEDIATELY when Sam says that, when he mentions Eileen, and THAT’S the first time he hesitates.  He can’t lose Cas.  But at the same time, he’s willing to do anything to have his freedom.

“Sam we don’t have a choice, Jack’s about to blow!”

“We always have a choice!”

You know me, just sitting here thinking about choice, the ability to choose, and how that translates to their free will.

And Sam...I don’t think there will ever be characters I love as much as these.

“I don’t care if Billie gets what she wants!  I don’t man, I’d trade it all, I’d trade em all for Chuck.  In a heartbeat!”

“What about me?”

“You’d trade me?”

“Chuck has to die.  He has to!  Otherwise he’ll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can’t live like that man, I can’t live like that, I won’t!”

“I know you feel like that right now, okay? I know you do, but you gotta trust me.  My entire life, you’ve protected me.  From Dad, from Lucifer, from everything.  I didn’t always like it, you know?  But it’s the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on.  It’s the only thing I’ve ever known that was true.  So please, put the gun away.  Just put it away.  We’ll figure it out, Dean, we’ll find another way, you and me.  We always do.”

Okay I feel like this is going to be one of those scenes that I cry watching for years to come.  Because fuck.  After fifteen years they finally admit that not only did Dean protect Sam from Lucifer, but he protected him from John.  John.  On a par with Lucifer.

Dean and Sam have, for so many years, sacrificed themselves for the other.  Dean’s demon deal, Sam and the trials, every season they have fought to see who can die the quickest for the other.  But this?  This is them fighting to stop the violence, to stop from killing the big bad.  This is them growing, in our eyes, in real time.  Sam has always been able to get through to Dean when no one else had a prayer, but for Dean to listen, for Dean to take his words to heart, to stop the hunt for Sam, for their family, that’s how you know they do have free will.

(Btw Chuck’s eye effect when he dusted Amara was sick as fuck but I’m emo for my boys so.)

Chuck knows it’s a loss, he knows that his story has, once again, been thwarted by the boys making their own choices.  And he’s pissed, but in his anger, we get a bomb dropped on us.

“Spare me your contempt Castiel, the self-hating angel of Thursday.  You know what every other version of you did after “gripping him tight and raising him from perdition”?  They did what they were told.  But not you.  Not the one off the line with a crack in his chassis.”

Are you fucking kidding me?

Also, just worth bringing up this one as well:

Every Castiel pulled Dean out of Hell.  Every one told him the same thing.  And yet, immediately, with this Cas and this Dean, something was different.  Because what has everyone seen about Cas, from the moment he met Dean?

And there’s our endgame people.  Laid out on the line.

But we ain’t done yet, fam.

We’ve talked about the handprint, but you know:

So there you have it, our prep into the “monumental” 15x18.  I have spec on that, of course, but I think a novel is long enough for this.

What to take away: Dean’s rage was always Chuck’s plan, they do have free will, their love for each other, for their family, is what will stop Chuck’s control, Death is about to come back with a vengeance, Cas’ deal is at play, and, most importantly, Castiel and Dean Winchester are a blind spot for Chuck, something he has never, not once, controlled.

[castiowl]

It's Not Traditional a lil dean/cas proposal ficlet

Dean’s not sure how he always gets saddled with popcorn duty, although he’ll be the first to admit this time he’s not too bothered by it. Sam had picked out Four Weddings and a Funeral for movie night and the aforementioned funeral is about to happen and Dean would rather not weep like a baby in front of Sam, Eileen, and Cas when Matthew recites that Auden poem.

As the popcorn bag spins in the microwave, slowly inflating, Dean considers all that’s changed in the past few months. He wasn’t sure someone could survive changing as much as he has, but then again maybe he hadn’t changed so much as he has just accepted who he is. Someone who loves Cas, first of all. Best of all. Someone who loves men and has loved men for a very long time and that’s okay. Relatedly, someone who can now openly comment on Hugh Grant’s veritable attractiveness in front of his brother, his friend, and his—what? What are they? Boyfriends? They’re not in high school, although the giddiness Dean still feels even months after the fact when Cas presses a hand to his lower back or steals a quick kiss from him at the breakfast table before shuffling off to make coffee, makes it feel a lot like obsessive, all-encompassing high school love. Dean is thrumming with it, a smile always moments away.

[Read on AO3]

Dean has also accepted that he is someone who can sit down with his brother, his friend, and his whatever and watch Four Weddings and a Funeral and only grouse about it being a chick flick for thirty seconds (he hasn’t completely tossed his reputation for hating girly shit in the trash; but he’ll never admit it’s because the girly shit makes him soft and he’s not sure his heart can take that right now) before accepting Sam’s declaration that ”it’s a classic” and absolutely required watching for Cas. Plus Eileen points out it’s one of the only movies with a deaf character whose entire plot isn’t centered around the fact that he’s deaf, even if he is a minor character.

The microwave beeps at him and he empties the contents into a bowl. As he nears the doorway to the movie and gaming den, he’s disappointed to note that Sam apparently paused the movie when Dean left. Great. He could feign a headache, he supposes, but then there is a delightful little thought that maybe Cas will take pity on his sorry, weeping self and let Dean spend the rest of the movie curled against him on the couch in his arms. They try to keep the PDA to a minimum with Sam around, but this is what he gets for bringing Four Weddings and a Funeral into the mix. He’s a sadist and he gets what he deserves.

Dean’s about to round the corner into the room when he hears his name and pauses. He hesitates because he likes to consider himself an adult who understands boundaries, but he’s also Dean Winchester and if Sam wants to talk shit about him behind his back, then Dean deserves to hear about it so he can retaliate accordingly. He’s thinking Miracle needs a bath and maybe Sam’s bedroom is the perfect place to let loose a 60-pound sopping wet dog to dry himself off on his bedsheets.

“I suppose I never considered it,” Cas is saying, his voice low but carrying in the quiet of the room. “There isn’t much that’s traditional about what we are.”

“Sure, yeah, true,” Sam replies. “But it’s not just about tradition, y’know. Anyway, I was just curious. You guys don’t have to do anything, obviously. But I just…” There’s a pause and Dean can almost perfectly conjure the image of Cas’s prying look in his mind, aimed right at Sam. “Dean’s a romantic,” Sam says finally.

Dean frowns at that, a protest rising in his throat before he can remind himself that given the last three months, he has absolutely no leg to stand on. He is a romantic. Gross.

“Well, I’m sure if Dean wanted to get married, he would tell me.”

The bowl of popcorn slips from Dean’s hands and lands with an impossibly loud clang on the floor. Married. The word has Dean completely flustered and he’s still reeling when Miracle comes trotting out of the room to investigate, spots the popcorn, and goes absolutely feral, licking up the popcorn like it’s his last meal on earth.

“Agh! Miracle! Stop it! Fuck,” Dean makes an aborted attempt to stop Miracle, but he looks like he’s discovered the holy grail, his tail wagging a mile a minute as he hoovers up the popcorn.

“Dean?”

Dean glances up from where he’s on his knees, holding an empty bowl as Miracle frantically cleans up the mess he made.

Married.

“Hey,” Dean says and his voice cracks like the fucking traitor it is. He clears his throat. “Sorry. I’ll have to make another bowl.”

“You were eavesdropping.”

It’s not a question. But Cas has this little quirk of a smile on his face that has Dean’s heart pounding in his ears.

Married.

“Uh, yeah, well. Heard my name and had to make sure Sammy wasn’t telling lies about me.”

Cas huffs a laugh and leans against the doorway. Dean’s still on the floor and he thinks about standing but he’s not entirely sure his legs would hold him up because—

MARRIED.

“Well, Dean, you tell me. Was Sam lying?”

“Lying?”

“Would you like to get married?”

Just like that. Dean will never admit to this, but privately he has thought about it. Big romantic gestures involving flowers and music, and quieter proposals whispered in the dark, in their bedroom, against the nape of Cas’s neck. Dean’s always been too scared, too unsure of Cas and his thoughts on the decidedly antiquated ritual of marriage. Cas saying no is basically the worst thing Dean can imagine, and he’s seen some shit in his time. Besides, it’s only been three months.

Cas’s eyebrow has risen in a silent question. Well?

“Jesus, Cas, you can’t just ask me that like…”

“No, of course not,” Cas agrees. “And you’re already on your knees. Ask me.”

“What?”

“Ask me,” he repeats and Dean can see the mirth in his eyes. The little shit loves seeing Dean squirm, but two can play at that game. Dean pulls one leg up so he’s down on one knee, the proper stance if he’s going to do this. Which, holy shit, he thinks he’s going to do this.

“Make an honest man outta me, Cas,” Dean says.

Cas rolls his eyes but he’s smiling. “Sam said you were a romantic.”

“What? That was romantic as hell.”

Cas reaches out a hand and Dean takes it. Cas pulls him to his feet. “You didn’t even tell me you loved me,” Cas points out.

Dean pulls himself into Cas’s space, their hands still clasped between them. “I also don’t have a ring,” Dean says.

“Well,” Cas says and his tongue darts out to wet his lips, Dean following the movement with great interest, “nothing we’ve done so far has been traditional. Perhaps we should keep it that way.”

Dean’s heart sinks. He should’ve figured as much. It’s not like they need something as basic as marriage to solidify what they have. It’s already perfect. Don’t fix what ain’t broke, right?

“But,” Cas continues thoughtfully, “I think I would like this to be our one exception.”

Dean swallows down the anxiety building behind his sternum. “Really?”

Cas smiles widely at that, his nose crinkling in that way that makes Dean understand why people swoon when they’re in love in old movies. Fuck, he really loves this guy.

“Marry me,” Cas says.

“Fuck yeah,” Dean replies and closes the distance between them with a fervent kiss. Cas inhales sharply and returns the kiss enthusiastically, although it’s clear they’re both fighting not to smile.

Someone clears their throat from the doorway.

Dean pulls back. He and Cas stare at one another and Dean sees reflected in Cas’s eyes what he’s feeling: pure, unadulterated, passionate love. And maybe a little lust, but it’s mostly love, Dean swears.

“If you guys are done being gross, we still have the movie to finish,” Sam says.

Dean finally looks over at his brother in the doorway who is trying his best to look peeved, but he can’t help smiling.

“Perhaps we can finish another time,” Cas says, turning to look at Sam. “My fiancé and I have some business to discuss regarding our upcoming nuptials.” He turns back to Dean and adds, “In our bedroom.”

Sam feigns gagging. “Spare me the details. Congrats or whatever. Now fuck off.”

“Gladly,” Dean replies and pulls Cas back down the hallway toward their bedroom. Dean has one thought before he lets his mind become saturated in all the simple, lurid thoughts that come with sex: Dean is going to marry the shit out of Cas.

[hyacinthsfolklore]

Jonquille was walking through the forest, when she heard crying. She followed the anguished sound until she came upon a bush. Behind the bush, was a little boy huddled in on himself. He couldn’t be more than 12 years old. His cheeks were tear stained, and his body was shaking with sobs. She scooped him up and carried him to her hut. Instead of resisting, he buried his head into her chest and clung to her desperately. When they arrived, she set him on her bed. Only then, did she get a chance to look at him. Panic washed over her, as she realized what she had done. She had brought an ogre into her home. Her reaction must have scared the boy, because he stumbled back into a corner. That sobered her, and she returned to her original mission. She asked what his name was. He looked at her distrustfully, before muttering Cas. She gave him her name and asked why he was crying. His mouth clamped shut, he refused to talk for several hours. She made stew and set it in front of him. He took the food hesitantly, but dug in after tasting it. She watched him, and contemplated what she should do about the problem. She knew the elders would not approve of having an ogre in their colony. She decided that whatever she had to do to keep her new son, was worth it. He finished eating and told her he was tired. She let him use her bed and set about making one specially for him. She got quizzical looks but chose to ignore them. She placed the bed on the wall next to her’s. She spent the next few days caring for him, and people talked. Eventually, the elders confronted her about her suspicious behavior. She confessed to what she had done, and they were stunned. She had always been an obedient child. They didn’t understand how she could’ve done something this horrible. They demanded she get rid of the creature. She begged them to let him stay. They said they would consider it if they met the beast. She led them to her hut and opened the door silently. She gently roused the sleeping boy. He was scared by the sudden crowd of people, and she had to reassure him he wasn’t in trouble. This softened the hearts of the elders but wasn’t enough to convince them. They talked to the boy, quizzing him on certain topics. He answered calmly but grew more agitated as the interrogation went on. The elders were eventually satisfied, and agreed to let him stay. Jonquille returned to her duties and brought him along. The others in her colony were not quick to accept him. The constant questions exhausted her. He noticed every stare and whisper. He stayed silent for fear of being kicked out. She eventually sent him to play with the children. When they were both back at home he told her the other children wouldn’t play with him. She started to tell him stories. These stories captivated him. He wanted to hear more, but she said he would have wait until the caretaker told them to all the children. He went back, eager to hear the stories. Overtime, the children came to accept him. They never did understand what made him bad, only that their parents didn’t like him. He learned how to care for the world around him, even without hearing it’s song. She watched proudly as he grew up. The little boy she rescued, now a gentle young man.

[raindancer2004]

Unloved and Unwanted?

Word Count: 3,704 Felix x reader Part Four Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Death, Mentions of blood

This story is being extended to include more of the relationship between Felix and the reader as well as seeing reader as a newborn. Requested by @Savava19 on Wattpad.

Y/N woke up the following morning in her bed and looked around the room and saw Felix sitting on the sofa reading “Good morning little one” He said with a smile “Good morning. Did you stay here all night?” She replied “Yes, I hope you don’t mind but after a lovely evening with you which ended with you falling asleep in my arms, I didn’t wish to leave you alone” He smiled at her “I don’t mind, in fact I’m glad you stayed. I also enjoyed our date last night, although I’m sorry I fell asleep during it.” Felix chuckled and made his way over to her bed “Don’t be. It was nice that you felt safe with me to do so” He wrapped his arms around her and she relaxed into him “Thank you Felix.” “For what?” He asked and pulled back a little “For-for not being the person I-I was told you’d be” She replied low “I’m just glad you gave me a chance to show you who I really am, although I know you are still a little…unsure of me; of my feelings for you” He replied “I’m trying not to be but it’s…” “It’s ok, I understand” He cut her off and pulled her in for another hug “I’m your mate and we have forever so there is no rush. We can take things as slow as you would like” “Do you really mean that?” She asked “Yes, I do little one” He took her warm hand in his cold one and bought it to his lips pressing a kiss to her knuckles; she felt a warm feeling run through her and smiled at him.

The following night Y/N, Jane and Heidi made their way to the family room for movie night; Y/N sat between Felix and Demetri and waited for the film to start. Alec picked a horror film to watch and at a particular gruesome part Y/N hid her face in Felix’s arm “Let me know when I look again” Her words were muffled by his jumper but he heard her and immediately wrapped his arm around her pulling her into his side and smiled when she relaxed into him. Demetri noticed this from the corner of his eye and smiled too, happy that Y/N felt comfortable enough to seek comfort from her mate. Felix kissed her hair before whispering “You can look now little one” He felt her lift her head slightly to look back at the screen but she stayed snuggled into his side for the remainder of movie night.

Afton held a grudge against Felix and Jane for the removal of his arms, despite him provoking Felix the day the guards and Y/N returned from the Carnival. He never forgave Demetri when he ‘accidently’ put his arms back the wrong way round as it meant they had to be re-removed and re-attached by Santiago. He planned to get his revenge on Felix and bided his time until his plan could be executed. He knew his revenge would also affect Demetri so it was one stone, two bird’s situation for him.

Felix, Demetri and the twins left for a mission leaving Y/N alone as Heidi was busy collecting humans for the next ‘tour.’ Afton’s got his opportunity to exact his revenge the day after the four elite guards left the castle. Y/N was outside in the garden reading and didn’t hear him come up behind her until she felt his breath on her ear “Felix won’t want you or love you after this” He whispered and bit down on her neck, she screamed in pain and felt him tighten his hold on her. However, Afton was pulled off her by Santiago before he could fully flood her system with his venom. Santiago noticed she was now starting to bleed out as the bite mark hadn’t been sealed due to him ripping Afton away from her “Take him to the throne room” Santiago said as he shoved Afton towards another guard named Matt.

Santiago lifted Y/N into his arms and held his breath and sped to the throne room kicking open the doors and they hit the stone walls loudly “WHAT’S THE MEANING OF….” Caius’ shouting was cut off the second they entered the room “EVERYONE OUT NOW!” Aro ordered and the guards on duty left the room just as Matt arrived with Afton “Afton did this to her. I pulled him off her but the bite mark hasn’t been sealed” Santiago stated quickly “It-it b-burns” Y/N stuttered out, tears falling down her cheeks. Caius took her from Santiago and laid her on the floor and leant over her “Please forgive me my dear” He placed his mouth over the existing bite mark and sucked out Afton’s venom before sinking his teeth into her neck and letting his venom enter her system, therefore becoming her creator. Aro looked down and saw that Caius’ mark had replaced Afton’s “Brother…” “I couldn’t let her die as she is Felix’s mate and they have been through so much already. This way I am her creator not him” Caius cuts Aro off and points to Afton “Felix is more likely to accept that his mate is now immortal if she has my venom in her just as he has yours Aro” He added “That’s true brother, I think it would have caused more problems for them if it was Afton who changed her” Marcus responds.

Aro takes Afton’s hand in his own and watches the scene play out in the garden “It would seem brothers that Afton planned to change Y/N to get revenge on Felix, knowing it would cause trouble and all because Felix defended his mate a few weeks back after Afton picked a fight with him” Aro said once he let go of his hand “It is against the law to interfere with another’s mate, to try and break their bond and you will be punished” Marcus says calmly as Chelsea enters the throne room, having been told by the recently dismissed guards about Afton being in trouble with the masters. “Sorry for interrupting masters, but can I ask what Afton has done?” “Chelsea my dear, so good to see you. Although I do have some bad news for you…Afton is to be ‘dealt with’ as he attempted to change Y/N to get back at Felix and well he made a mess of it and Caius has had to change her himself in order to save her” Aro informed her, Chelsea was shocked and covered her mouth with her hands; after a few moments she finally spoke “I-I understand m-master. Do what-what you must with him” She stuttered out “You know what is going to happen to him my dear” Aro responds and she nods as venom fills her eyes that cannot be shed “Good-goodbye Afton” She whispers and follows Caius out of the throne room as he makes his way to Y/N’s room. “Any last words Afton?” Aro asks “I regret nothing and we all know Felix will struggle to accept her now” Aro nods at Santiago and he removes Afton’s head before Matt lets him fall to the floor and the two vampires remove Afton’s arms and legs “Burn him” Aro says as he leaves the room.

Chelsea opens the door to Y/N’s room and Caius enters carrying her over to the bed “Please let me clean her up before Felix returns” She says and Caius nods as he passes Y/N to Chelsea. Chelsea cleans up the bite mark and the blood surrounding the area “Master, please can you pass in the short sleeve black dress from her closet?” Caius passes her the dress and a few moments later Chelsea exits the bathroom with Y/N in her arms and lays her down gently on her bed.

Chelsea and Caius stay with Y/N during her change “Master, what are we going to tell Felix?” Chelsea asked low “We tell him the truth that Afton made a mess of trying to change her out of revenge and that I stepped in and replaced his venom with my own in order to save her. It’s my bite mark on her neck now not Afton’s” Caius responds and Chelsea nods “Thank you for letting me stay here with her" “You’re welcome my dear, I figured it would help you, all things considered” He replied and she nodded “I hope Felix doesn’t hold Afton’s actions against me” She said low “He won’t, especially as you and I are going to take care of her until he returns” Caius replied.

Y/N woke up three days later; sitting up and taking in the sights around her; noticing the loose thread on rug by the fireplace, feeling the cotton thread of the duvet beneath her when her eyes met Caius’ “Hello my dear” “Ca-Caius” She replies low “Wh-what happened?” “You were bitten by Afton in the garden and Santiago intervened and bought you to us and I had to change you in order to save you” He replied “I-I remember he said that Felix wouldn’t want me or love me knowing I had his venom running through me” She replied “Well you don’t need to worry about that my dear, as it’s my venom running through you” “Felix will have an issue with the fact that it’s not his venom” She answered sounding a little sad “Nothing will change between you hunny, I promise. He will just be glad that master Caius saved you” Chelsea answered softly “Oh and just so you are aware Afton was disposed of after this incident as he broke one our laws” She added “I-I’m sorry Chelsea” Y/N replies “Don’t be Y/N, you did nothing wrong. Afton knew what the consequences were should he be found out and went ahead anyway” Chelsea replies.

“As you are my creation Y/N, you spend your newborn year with us at the castle and we all help you adjust to your new life. First things first feedings; we do not allow hunting in the city and so once Felix and Demetri return, I will have them take you hunting outside of the city and show you what to do. In the meantime, Heidi saved you two humans from our ‘tour’ this morning, they are waiting in a guest room on the floor below. Shall we?” Caius informs Y/N “I-I don’t know what to-to do” She says slowly “You are a lot faster and stronger than the humans in the room so it’ll be easy to overpower them. You need hold them firmly against you, this can be via the front of their neck or around their middle, then you tilt their head to the side and bite down and let the blood flow down your throat to ease the burn. We will be right there with you” Chelsea replies. Once inside the guest room Y/N grabbed the first human and did as Chelsea told her although she struggled and it was not the most efficient kill nor was it the cleanest but Caius and Chelsea did not judge her. Y/N drained the second human but later she felt upset at having killed two innocent humans. “You did well today Y/N and it will get easier, I promise” Caius said low.

Heidi got some blood bags from her doctor friend at the hospital and kept them in her room for Y/N in case they needed them. Chelsea and Heidi made sure to keep Y/N away from the reception area, not wanting to risk an incident in the castle. Heidi did however get Caius’ permission to bring in another human for Y/N as a way of helping her deal with the blood lust she was feeling.

Chelsea and Caius had spent a lot of time with Y/N as she was struggling with feeding. Heidi would ensure their share of the tour was bought to a side room so the three could feed privately as Caius didn’t think Y/N was ready to feed with the others. Y/N had been a newborn for about ten days when Felix, Demetri and the twins returned from their mission; reporting to the throne room to update the Kings on the outcome of their mission. All four guard noticed Caius’ throne was empty “Caius is with Chelsea and Y/N…” Aro paused when he saw confusion and worry flash across Felix’s face “There was an incident about two weeks ago involving Y/N and Afton…Caius had to change Y/N in order to save her” Aro advised them and a loud growl escaped Felix “I’LL KILL HIM” He roared and turned to leave; Demetri grabbed his arm as Marcus spoke “He has already been disposed of…he is nothing but ashes my dear boy” Felix turned around to look at Aro and Marcus “Chelsea is with Y/N?” Demetri asked “Yes, she and Caius haven’t left her side since the incident, Heidi has checked in with her regularly when not planning ‘tours,’ she even got a supply of blood bags for Y/N. Chelsea feels bad for what happened to Y/N and asked to stay and help her” Aro replied “I think being around Y/N has helped Chelsea deal with the loss of Afton, given her…a purpose” Marcus added “Please do not harm Chelsea Felix, she had no part in Afton’s plan” Aro warned “How-how did Afton get close enough to attack Y/N?” Felix asked and Aro explained the events of that fateful day including how Santiago saved her from Afton. “Go see Y/N but remember don’t spook her as she’s probably stronger than you right now” Marcus said with a hint of amusement in his voice.

Felix and Demetri made their way to Y/N’s room, the twins deciding to wait to the morning as to not overwhelm her. Felix knocked on the door “Only us” He said as he and Demetri entered her room slowly “Felix, Demetri” Caius greeted them “Master” They both replied and bowed their heads “How is she?” Felix asked quietly, looking out to the balcony where Y/N stood with Chelsea “A little jumpy now and then. She struggles a little with her thirst but is relatively calm for a newborn” Caius answered quietly, he looked over his shoulder before continuing “She’s worried that this will affect your relationship” Felix said nothing but nodded “Just remember Felix it’s my venom in her system no one’s else’s and it’s my bite mark that you will see…just as she sees Aro’s mark where he changed you” Caius placed a hand on his arm “Thank you master for saving her and staying with her in my absence” “She is your mate and you two have been through enough in the short time you’ve been together. She’s my creation and it was my duty to show her how to survive in this life. Although I think you two should help her too” Caius replied “Of course master. I’m assuming then she will be with us during her newborn year?” Demetri asked, hope showing in his eyes “Yes, as my creation she is allowed to remain here with us” Caius replied smiling at Demetri and Felix “I’m going to say goodnight and leave you to catch up. Goodnight Y/N” “Goodnight Caius and thank you again” Y/N said as she entered the room “I’ll be leaving too, if you need me Demetri knows where to find me” Chelsea said as she too left the room.

“Looking good Y/N” Demetri smiled and gave her a wink; a low growl came from Felix “Shut up” Demetri said as he slapped his arm “You look so beautiful little one” Felix said with a look of adoration on his face “May I?” He held his arms out to her and she nodded, slowly stepping closer to her mate; once she was near enough Felix carefully pulled her into his arms and held her “I missed you Felix” She buried her face into his chest “I missed you too” He replied resting his head on top of hers “I missed you too cara” Demetri added and Y/N laughed “Missed you too Dem.”  

Felix loved Y/N with every fibre of his being and would do anything for her, including defending her to a few of the transitory guards who talked about her behind her back, judging her and commenting on the fact she was not able to take part in the ‘tours’ “Y/N is struggling to adjust and after the shocking way she was thrust into this life by Afton, I can’t blame her. She’ll come through it” Felix said at the start of a training session “One more thing you may want to remember that as my mate she outranks you all!” Felix growled “Drop and give me 200…NOW!” Demetri demanded and the vampires groaned “You can all thank the few guards that thought they could talk about Y/N in such a way a disrespectful way.”

Felix was given a few days off to spend with Y/N but that didn’t work out the way it as supposed to. After coming back from a private feeding with Chelsea Y/N saw how clean Felix and Demetri were after the ‘tour’ compared to her; she was still a little messy, it confirmed her thoughts she wasn’t good enough or clean enough with her kills to stand beside her mate and her friends. She decided to spend more time with Chelsea and continue to feed privately with her as she felt comfortable around her and didn’t feel like she was being judged by the female vampire. Y/N also still had the need for blood bags to help with her thirst.

“Y/N? You in here?” Felix called out as he entered his mate’s room only to find it empty…again “She isn’t in there” Demetri’s voice called out softly “I know that” Felix growled “Woah! Calm down Fe” Demetri held his hands up in surrender “Sorry D. I can’t find her and all I want is to spend time with my mate, improve our relationship and our bond” He replied, sounding a little downhearted. Demetri was quiet for a moment before replying “Y/N is with Chelsea…in her room” “What is it with Y/N and Chelsea?” Felix asked, Demetri shrugged “I don’t know, maybe Chelsea feels guilty over Afton’s actions and feels bad for Y/N. Talk to her” Felix nods and goes back to his room.

A few days later Felix catches Y/N in Heidi’s room with a blood bag and they’re hanging out “Hey Y/N there you are. I’ve been looking for you” “You found me” She replies “I have some time off and wondered if you wanted to do something together?” He asked, hoping she’d agree “Oh, sorry I can’t…I have a lesson with Caius…which I’ll be late for if I don’t go now. Bye Heidi, it was nice catching up. Bye Fe” Y/N left the room quickly “Bye Y/N” Heidi called after her, Felix said nothing, turning around and making his way to Demetri’s room. Once inside he laid down on his friend’s bed, surprising Demetri moments later when he stepped out of the bathroom half naked after his shower “Why Felix, I didn’t know you cared” Demetri winked at him “Get bent” Demetri chuckled as he entered his closet and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt “What do I owe the pleasure, my friend” Demetri asked sitting at the foot of the bed “Y/N’s avoiding me” “Ahh…are you sure she’s avoiding you?” He asked gently “Yes. She’ll spend time with anyone and everyone…as long as it’s not me” Felix replied. Demetri was sure it was all in his friend’s head until he witnessed Y/N avoiding Felix for himself the following afternoon.

Gianna had taken the afternoon off and Aro asked Y/N to cover reception, thinking doing something ‘human’ may be good for her and keep her focused on something other than her struggles. The afternoon was going well until a delivery man arrived with a parcel for Aro. Y/N inhaled just as the human rounded the corner; the burn in her throat roaring to life, his heartbeat sounding loud in the quiet reception area ‘He smells so good’ She thought to herself ‘Just a little taste’ A smile curved her lips ‘No. Don’t. I can’t. Caius…Felix…’ “Hello, I have a parcel that requires a signature” The human voice cut through Y/N’s thoughts “Ok” She tried holding her breath as she signed his clipboard, she noticed the pulsing vein in his neck, his heartbeat a little fast as though he was a little fearful. It was as though he was tormenting her with his scent. He thanked her and turned back to walk towards the lift and before she could stop herself, she had flashed up behind him as he stepped inside the lift. Y/N’s hand gripped his neck; holding his back to her chest as she sunk her teeth into his neck, his blood flowing into her mouth easing the burn at the back of her throat “Mmm” She enjoyed draining this human. She was trying to work out how to hide the evidence of her kill when she noticed her top had blood on it, his blood “Oh well. No need to hide him now…” She trailed off, talking to herself.

The lift doors opened when the lift reached ground level, Y/N stepped out of the lift leaving the human to lie dead on lift floor. She walked to the stairs and made her way back to reception to turn off the computer and to gather her things “Y/N” Felix called out from behind her when she was halfway back to her room “Can’t stop, got things to do” She called out over his shoulder “What things? Maybe I can help” Felix called “Just things, I don’t need help” She called out and took off running “Still think she isn’t avoiding me D?” Demetri rubbed the back of his neck “It would appear she is avoiding you” He replied “I wish I knew why D” Felix responded and turned on his heels making his way to the training room. Demetri decided to try his luck with Y/N; to see if she would talk to him as she used to do when she was human.

[amwritingmeta]

S15: Dean and Cas

Pardon my lateness. Life is mental at the moment! I haven’t watched 15x17 yet but hope to do so today or tomorrow. Gods preserve me, for then there will be only three more episodes left. *is this real life??*

Okay, leaving that, let’s talk about Dean and Cas, shall we? Yes, we shall!

Dean and Cas’ relationship, or rather, how they relate themselves to each other, has been in focus this season, because it’s been pivotal to both of their arcs in canonically straightforward ways. Ways so straightforward that we haven’t really seen the likes of them since S11, and with the very heavy-duty callbacks to S11 these last two episodes, it all seems quite fitting.

I mean, Jack is a bomb like Dean was a bomb and Dean got to ask Amara why she would bring Mary back, and she got to clarify she meant it as a gift, a thank you at the end of S11, because Dean didn’t blow himself to kingdom come and her along with him, because instead he realised how he could broker peace and allow for light and dark to find balance.

Which is what Dean needs to find right now.

He needs to balance out the light and dark, the masculine and the feminine, the conscious and unconscious, the ego and the shadow. He needs to balance himself out in order to let go of his fury. Why does he need that? Why would the narrative continuously hit on him needing to let go of his anger? Because that’s the reason why he was put on this journey to begin with, this slow and steady coming-of-age-coming-into-his-own progression of finding forgiveness and feeling worthy and having faith that he deserves good things.

How do we know this?

Well, arguably this season through what happens to Dean whenever he gives his fury free range, whenever he allows it to hollow out his faith, his trust, making him one-track minded, suspicious and controlling: he loses something.

He loses Cas.

This season has been all about highlighting what happens when Dean is unable to be even the slightest bit self-aware, when he veers off the path of self-acceptance. This season, Dean has had Cas disappear out of his life twice: first when Cas walked out of the bunker and second in Purgatory, when Cas went with the Leviathan. (to get them away from Dean)

The first time Dean almost lost Cas was really all about highlighting Cas’ independence (thank fuck for that), letting us see how far they’ve come in their relationship, because Dean didn’t dig himself a grave this time, perhaps having faith, in spite of it all, that Cas would come back to him, and Cas went off on his own, feeling like there was nothing left for him at the bunker when there was no forgiveness to be had from Dean.

Except, Cas thought better of it. He realised it wasn’t just on Dean to push for change—it was on him as well. And, knowing Dean, Cas had the epiphany that he would have to lead the way. 

Dean, of course, not being able to forgive and forget all that easily, needed a final push, which is why the second time he almost lost Cas was all about Dean. He had to confront his anger. He had to, because naming it and admitting it as the root cause of so many of his actions (and reactions) is a cornerstone for him to begin letting that anger go.

Almost losing Cas brought him to a moment of clarity, brought him to take a knee and admit to being wrong and offering the forgiveness he’d been holding back, because being angry is easier, especially when, it could be argued, you were beginning to feel that trust in good things lasting.

Yeah, speaking of good things lasting, it brings us to this question: Why is Dean so angry? 

He doesn’t know why (or so he claims) and he probably does need to have his eyes opened for him, the way Amara tried to open them, the way his conversation with her was a highlighter for the point he’s being pushed to finally reach in his progression: forgiving the past, embracing the present, trusting in the future and in the fact that he deserves to live a long and happy rest of his life. 

The fact that she’s completely dressed in pink - hello positive femininity representative who kicks ass and who once almost killed God and then was balanced out so that she instead healed him with her light and they twisted into dark and light smoke and went off together - is just delicious icing on the cake.

Yeah, and that’s the issue, Dean, alright, buddy?

Dean is angry because his mother died and her death meant that he lost his father too, it meant that he didn’t get to have a childhood, it meant that he stopped believing that he could have good things that would last, because of a confused sense of identity and a crippled sense of self-worth—why did bad things happen to him if he didn’t deserve it somehow?— and pushed him to mold himself into what would make him feel strong and brave: the image that his father projected. 

The soldier.

The weapon and the shield.

And now it seems Protect Sammy has morphed into Sacrifice Jack, all because Dean’s fury at Chuck’s manipulation isn’t containable, and there’s no way Dean’s going to let Chuck live. Even if it means Jack dies in the process. As Dean said to Sam in 15x16: at least it’s not them this time. 

All the while we just sit here and witness Dean morphing into the revenge thirsty spitting image of his father one last time, for one final, big ole push towards the line he’ll have to cross if he’s to finally understand once and for all where it’s actually drawn.

At Cas’ feet.

Remember back in S12, before Cas died, there was that subtle (erm) motif of pointy things going through people’s hearts from behind? Yeah. It happened twice, if I remember correctly, before the pointy end of an angel blade went through Cas’ heart and he died an angel death in the season finale.

Yeah. That.

So.

So now, in S15, we have Cas caught in a motif again, only this time Dean is right there with him, because it involves both of them. 

We’ve had anger and loss, and then honesty and forgiveness.

We’re back to anger, we’re back to Dean seeing red, blinded by it, and the only thing—we’ve been shown—that can unblind him is…?

That’s right: losing Cas.

So he will lose Cas again. We’ve been on the precepice of this as fact for a good long while now, haven’t we, my merry macarons? We have indeed! The question becomes how will Dean lose Cas again? Is Cas actually going to die? Again??

I still sincerely doubt it.

I think Cas will find another way, and that other way will equal a sacrifice on his part. His life? I mean, it could be, but what about the Empty? What about allowing himself to be happy? It could add up somehow, I guess I just can’t see it. So I think the sacrifice will somehow involve Heaven, because we know Michael will be back, and I hope it will involve Hell and all of the forces God has brought into being working against him—together.

S p e c.

Now, I’m a sadist. No, not like that -> I’m a sadist when it comes to characters. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a sadist. (Misha Collins is one, as we all know) (I joke!) (down Bessie!) What I’m getting at is that I want Cas having no other recourse but to do whatever it is he’ll have to do to save Jack to, quite literally, break Dean. 

We know they’re all teary eyed in 15x18 (feels like it’s Billie whom Dean is glaring at) and we’ve seen Dean crying against a wall and omfg I want it to be explicit and over Cas. Yeah? 

We ain’t getting them driving off in the Impala together (which is fine btw because the final episode should focus on the brothers more than anything else) (I mean, a hint that they will be driving around in that Impala post season finale while Sam goes to be with Eileen would be fab, but we can only hope and wish, yeah?) (horses held), so let’s get Dean broken over thinking he’ll never see Cas again. 

Let it be done with a big fat black marker in enormous circles around his emotional state. Let him TELL Cas to stay this time, like he should’ve done when Cas walked out the door in 15x03, only for Cas to be unable to comply, because this is all to teach Dean a lesson that this is where his anger gets him, and what he needs to do to save Cas is let that anger go, stop thinking Jack is expendable, and find a better way.

I mean, this is speculation, guys. This is hoping and wishing all over this narrative. But glory effing be if it’s anywhere in the ballpark.

It would be mind-blowing if there was a God intervention of some sort, a talking down off the ledge, as it were, as per end of S11, but I’m not going to hold my breath for *rainbows*…

I’ll hold it for balance, though. :)

Cas has waited for Dean for a long time. Dean being dismissive of Cas in 15x15 can, once again— because whenever he acts like a dick it comes back to bite him on the ass (there’s a visual for you)— be looked at as part of the tapestry that makes Cas feel there’s nothing more for him but being a father to Jack. 

Dean did nothing but instill this feeling in Cas after Cas came back from the black hole that is the Empty in S13, Dean being all “You were brought back because we needed you”—Dean saying zero things about how he was basically ripping apart at the seams from the grief of losing Cas just hours before Cas made that phone call. 

And of course not. Why would Dean admit that? Even to himself, once Cas was back. 

He wouldn’t! 

Ignoring how he really feels about stuff and taking Cas for granted is kinda what he does, so back to normal it all went. So normal and so leveled out that something had to happen, right? Because, in Dean’s mind, good things don’t last.

And then Mary happened.

Oh, my heart!

And Dean went off and cried, by himself, because he still couldn’t show emotion that openly, even to the people closest to him. But he went down on his knees and he cried in Cas’ ear during that prayer, and that really was something.

That said, Mary’s death was Dean proven right once again, and this person, who is the source of faith and hope and that budding belief that maybe, this time, everything was going to actually get better and stay that way, became the target of Dean’s anger over the injustice of it all. Because Cas was the root of it. He’s always been the root of Dean’s slow-to-grow hope that could bloom into belief and trust, if he just dared let it, that he deserves to be happy.

I wrote in an ask reply that I doubt we’ll get human!Cas, but then I remembered that Cas is still status quo-ing it. It’s why he almost left the bunker without telling anyone again, that choice of skedaddling without checking in getting interrupted by Dean, and Cas being brought into a situation where he had to divulge the information, not only that he was leaving and might not make it back (Dean’s face though!), but that Jack is going through a trial that will ultimately destroy him, which was a nice shift in this dynamic of theirs.

Now, look it, the writers may end Cas’ journey on him status quo-ing it... but for the Empty. 

And I would shrug at the Empty and think, well, maybe that won’t come into play... but for the fact that the deal was brought up just a few episodes back. 

So. Happiness.  

Somehow something will need to push Cas toward a moment of happiness. And letting himself be happy is such a climactic moment for his entire journey—and look at how it perfectly mirrors what Dean is being pushed toward—that I find it difficult to see how that moment would bring an eternity in the Empty.

But I’ve written a lot of words on why I just can’t make sense of why they would choose to kill him or have his moment of happiness be tied to a narrative punishment so I’m not getting into all that again, but because both Dean and Cas are being pushed toward happiness, I’m curious to see which route the writers have chosen to take with it.

It would be thrilling and satisfying in equal measure if we finally get Dean crying over Cas, and only Cas. No filter of Bobby or Mary to take away focus and allow for an argument that he’s not actually grieving Cas. 

It would be thrilling and satisfying for it to be very baseline Just Cas. As it has been just Cas this entire season. Cas at the center of Dean’s anger. Cas at the center of Dean’s push toward healing. Cas having had enough, drawing a line—the one that is still there, at his feet—and doing what he’s always done best: calling Dean out on his bullshit behaviour. Cas making Dean put words to his anger, express forgiveness and say that he’s sorry and all within the same moment to boot.

What all this will amount to, we’ll have to wait and see. 

In a few weeks. Or next week. Or maybe there will be strong indicators where the pendulum is actually swinging in 15x17!

Holy. Hell.

But I can’t see it ending somewhere tragic. If it does, it does. And it will be what it will be. And I’ll mourn a little, and accept it and move on. But I do believe it will end somewhere hopeful. Somewhere that leaves things quite tied up, but also open to interpretation, so that we can pick and choose who ends up where and how these men decide to continue on their journeys, now that this enormous leg of their progression is done, and they’ve learned to put the past to rest.

And if S11 is anything to go by, then the echoes of that ending would be a powerful way to tie everything up, as S11 was meant to be the end of the road, until Andrew Dabb picked up the reins with an idea of how to continue the show for a few more seasons. Or so I’ve heard.

11x23 also gave us the most gloriously frustrating exchange ever written for two characters in a car. Omg. Dean we-ing the absolute hell out of his speech when it was him, he was the one, the entire time Cas was possessed by Lucifer, who insisted they make sure Cas came back unscathed. “You’re the best friend we ever had” my ass, Dean! 

I wanted to talk about Dean and Sam as well, but there’s too little time at the moment for me to write more. And it’s painful, but I have to concede or hit a wall and hitting walls fucken hurts. 

I will mention that Sam telling Dean off at the end of 15x16 still gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

Finally, Sam. Finally.

As ever, sprinklings of salt all over this meta and speculation, my dearlings, but omfg it’s beautiful.

Right then. I’m off to watch 15x17! Wish me luck! *gah!*

[icefire149]

so this is kinda very random (if it's too random or too hard to write no pressure to do it) but I was thinking of #12 from the "i love you" prompts for hannah x charlie (i don't know what their ship name is or if they have one lol)

Hi there! I'm sorry this took a while to get to. I can't emphasize enough how exciting this was to work with. I know when you asked for this there were a couple posts going around with this ship and that was the first time I ever considered Hannah/Charlie. I really hope more people explore their dynamic more. I enjoyed taking a crack at it here.

I'm sorry if it's not what you were hoping for. From start to finish this took a crazy number of turns that I wasn't expecting. It kept worming away into it's own thing. Right off the bat the spring time part of the prompt flew away. Still, I hope you enjoy it <3

#12 – When we lay together on the fresh spring grass – Hannah/Charlie

“Thank you for bringing me here.”

The seasons were rapidly changing from summer to autumn. Any human today would know from a single look at a calendar. It was strange sometimes to think of how far humans have come since the garden and how much of the world they’ve been able to understand through reason and design. For Hannah, she knew from the moment the Earth shifted under her feet. And now the composition of the air just wasn’t the same as it was a week ago. Shortly, even the humans and the trees would start to notice the change in temperature.

It was normal. Routine. The world kept spinning day into night and summer into autumn, and so forth. Since being flung back into the crown jewel of her father’s creation, Hannah couldn’t help but wander back to some of her earliest thoughts. She could still remember her hesitation when the spark of creation breathed life into mortality.

At the time she hadn’t the experiences or the vocabulary to explain her abstract feelings, but now she could equate the feeling to the sharp sting of a slap to the face or a thorn lodged in the heel of her foot. The Earth cycled seasons and spun around the Sun. The garden sprouted leaves, fruits, and flowers that quickly shriveled and crumbled before sprouting forth again. The humans were built with a carefully constructed system of oxygen, blood, and electrical impulses cycling around the body. It was marvelous to behold, but what was an immortal, unchanging being supposed to read between the lines?

Her father created the archangels long before everything else she knew. The rest of her siblings were made lesser, but until more recently she always believed they were still just as loved. Maybe she was just blinded by her grief and denial. Everything mortal came next, but humans were the ones her father plucked and planted in his favorite garden.

It was because of the humans that her father started altering her siblings. All of them. She never knew what the end goal was to vessels until all of Heaven had to confront the ugly truth: their father left them eons ago. And now, every time Hannah was caught in a crowd, she couldn’t help but wonder if the person who’s eyes lingered the longest was the one who��s skin and bone he’d slipped under.

“Of course! I can’t believe you’ve never done this,” Charlie turned her head on the ground to face her. The tip of her nose twitched as a blade of grass bounced free from the rest laying under her cheek.

“Since the fall there just wasn’t time for something so trivial,” Hannah answered, moving her gaze back up to the clouds slowly rolling by. “And before that…..every angel had a job and that’s just what we did. Nothing more.”

Moments like these were still completely foreign and strange to her. A month ago Castiel received a phone call during their travels, and suddenly their mission was no longer the top priority. Locating the wayward angels was still her mission, and she spent much of her time at the Winchester’s bunker researching while he…..focused on curing the mark of Cain.

It wasn’t the ideal situation or even the one she’d hoped for. It dimmed her and diminished herself to a flatline, because a part of her dared to hope that Castiel could offer her companionship. He was her friend, but he’d stuck by her and saw her in a way that Hannah wasn’t expecting again. Not since the siblings she’d lost when the Winchester’s came onto Heaven’s radar. She tried to establish a connection, even using human methods she’d observed from her vessel’s memory, but he just wasn’t receptive. Nothing clicked until she observed Castiel around the human men he gave everything up for.

Whenever he was in proximity to Dean, his true form would come alive in ways she’d never expected. Despite the damage done to his being, Castiel would still twist, and turn, and hum in ways that were almost too much to bear witness to. And she knew that he was trying to keep himself from doing that in her presence. A part of her liked to think it was because he was trying to spare her feelings since he just didn’t connect with her in that way, but she knew it was because he was embarrassed and desolate. As humans would put it: he wore his heart openly on his sleeve. But, it was beyond the limitations of human perspective.

But since staying at the bunker, Hannah had met a handful of humans. Mostly over the phone, but it was a Miss Charlie Bradbury that showed up one day at the bunker's entrance with a dozen movies and snacks, and a very puzzled look. Since then she’d been a frequent presence during Hannah's research.

And a welcome one at that. At first Hannah wasn’t sure what to make of the exuberant woman. Charlie would talk for hours about a million different things. It was odd to try to conceptualize how many ideas a human brain could hold, and Hannah spent an entire night doing just that after a busy afternoon that rolled into a busier evening discussing the delicacies of numbers and computer programming.

Hannah still wasn't sure how computers could help her mission, but there was something about Charlie's confidence in her own abilities that the angel couldn't help but automatically placing her faith in the human.

“What was your job before things started getting crazy? Dean says Cas was a soldier.”

“He was. He still is,” Hannah started. “I...I wasn’t built for the front lines. My duty was what the majority of the host was given: protect and watch over the souls in Heaven.”

Charlie’s eyebrows pinched together. “That’s it?”

“Of course.” Hannah sat up. She could feel the grains of dirt on the palms of her hands and particles caught in her hair. The rays of late afternoon sun reflected off the surface of Charlie’s car and made her pupils contract. Frowning, she turned to move the nearby road out of her periphery. “It’s one of the most important jobs in Heaven. Each soul generates their own paradise from their stored memories. Maintaining that happiness is everything."

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

Charlie rolled over so that she was laying on her stomach now. One of her feet kicked up and moved idly in the air. The corner of her mouth twitched until it decided to curve into a teasing smile.

Hannah still didn’t understand what connections Charlie was clearly making. It was utterly confusing. “I don’t understand,” finally she admitted out loud.

“Did watching over the souls make you happy?”

Hannah’s head fell to the side. This wasn’t the first time Charlie had asked her something that made her stop and reevaluate several aspects of herself and her memory. And just like the last few times it elicited a tiny pulse, a thrill, through her being. It started when she realized that Charlie kept purposely putting herself into the angel’s orbit. Charlie seemed like she genuinely wanted to know her.

“What?” Charlie’s smile widened.

“You asked an incredibly unusual and strange question. My happiness is irrelevant. That’s much more of a human thing. Angels weren’t built for that. But-” Hannah thought about those old days and the souls under her watchful eye. She enjoyed that privilege to bear witness to their joys. She could still remember the way her wings would puff with pride. “I did find great joy in my work.”

“I’m glad,” Charlie said, before laying her head down in the grass. There was a note of sadness buried deep in her tone.

They sat like that in meditative silence for a while, and the sun dipped further in the sky. Finally, Charlie continued, “You know, people think angels are watching over us while we’re living. Like you guys are ready to jump out and help us when….when we need someone most.”

The idea put a soft smile on Hannah’s face. “It’s a lovely notion.”

“A pipe-dream,” Charlie frowned.

“Well, there were angels stationed here on Earth with the job to watch. That might be where that very idea came from.”

That put a look of surprise on Charlie’s face. “But do they help?”

“Not unless Heaven commands it, and that….” She shook her head.

Charlie sighed deeply before standing. She started brushing the dirt clinging to her jeans away.

“You wish for divine intervention.”

Charlie’s surprise quickly morphed into something unreadable. She kept silent.

Hannah stood up, and for some reason it pained her to see the light dim in Charlie’s being. “I’m sorry,” she said keeping her gaze locked with Charlie’s. And she meant it, truly. “You needed help beyond human capabilities, and no one was there. You were alone.”

Charlie nodded, and led them back to the car. They drove in silence and Hannah spent the entire time trying to figure out what went wrong. Again, and again she replayed that final conversation, but humans were still too difficult to puzzle out.

It wasn’t until they were back within the bunker walls that Charlie’s demeanor seemed to equalize back to normal. She brightened even more meeting Hannah’s eye. “Thank you for that.”

“Of course,” Hannah answered. She honestly wasn’t sure for what exactly, but her instincts told her it was about their last conversation. And that was all she needed to lift her spirits after that car ride.

Charlie took a few hesitant steps towards the hallway that led to her room. She looked over her shoulder. “Will you still be around tomorrow?”

“Mmhm,” she hummed happily. Charlie asked her that same question every day since they met. She wasn’t sure why, but she enjoyed the extra burst of light that would emanate from Charlie’s soul the moment she gave the same answer.

Ask me more writing prompts (I’m using these as warm ups so send a number and a ship)

[chipper9906]

Hello, Stranger

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 15 EPISODE 18 ‘DESPAIR’ AND SEASON 15 EPISODE 19 ‘INHERIT THE EARTH’

Pairings: Castiel/Dean Winchester

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 6,201

Status: One Shot - Complete

Summary/Preview

The man above him was panting heavily, wheezing for breath through pained grunts, and usually, Dean would find some comfort in knowing he at least got a few good licks in.

Instead, all he could do was drop his head back into the carpet with gritted teeth. Great. He was Dean Winchester; He had taken on monsters that most believed to be fairy tales, he had taken on Lucifer, he had taken on God. Hell, he had even killed Hitler.

And now he was about to be killed by some goddamn junkie that had broken into his apartment.

Fan-friggen-tastic.

* * *

A post episode/ post season fix it fic because my heart hurts and I needed some happiness.

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                                                            * * *

Dean Winchester is a homeowner.

Well, he signed a contract that lets him rent a shitty, musty, one-bedroom apartment that has questionable stains on the carpet and the lingering smell of weed soaked into the walls, but it’s his. It’s also situated between a few bars and a pizza place that serves the best damn meat lover’s pizza he’s ever tasted in his life, so y’know. Silver linings.

The off-yellow, fluorescent light of the fridge hums obnoxiously at him, lighting the two last bottles of beer he has sat snugly in the corner. Dean pulls one out, grumbling to himself as he pats at the chipped kitchen counter for the bottle opener. He flips the cap off with a flick he has done many times, chucking the cap somewhere to the side (he swears he’ll throw them away later) and flopping down onto his couch with a groan.

His phone shrills at him from within his jean’s pocket and Dean throws his head back with an exasperated sigh. This was what he signed up for, after all. He just didn’t know how Bobby did it. The whole ‘normal job whilst also acting as an information source for the hunter network’ crap. If it were up to him, he’d just do the ‘hunter network’ stuff. You know, what actually matters. But he’s too old to be living out of motels which were paid for with fake credit cards and cash from hustling, so he has to do it the legal way. That’s not to say the apartment is a huge step up from the usual dumps he and Sammy used to stay in when on the road, but still. It’s his place.

Relief floods through him when he finally yanks the phone out of his pocket and sees Sam’s name plastered across the screen. Looks like he was free from hunter duties for a while yet.

“Heya Sammy,” Dean greets him the second he has the phone to his ear, his smile practically audible through the phone. “Is this an ‘another apocalypse’ phone call or…?”

“No, you jerk,” Sam chuckles down the phone. “It’s a regular phone call. You know, that thing normal people do when they check up on family?”

Dean nearly snorted into his beer. “Yeah, well, we’re far from normal, Sammy.”

“Funnily enough, I’m aware of that. But this is as close to ‘normal’ as we’re going to get. It’s the best we’re going to get.”

Dean hummed thoughtfully, swallowing down a mouthful of beer. “Yeah? Tell that to the dumbass newbie at work who decided he didn’t need to put the oil cap back on after changing the oil… oil everywhere Sammy. Everywhere. I can hack off vampire heads all day, but dealing with people? It’s a nightmare, Sam.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Sam assured him. “We’ll get used to it. It’s… Dean, you know how nice it is to hear you complain about work? Hearing ‘my co-workers a pain in the ass’ instead of ‘there’s a Were on my tail, bring the silver’ is something I never thought I’d get to experience.”

“Were on my tail? Wow, great pun there Sam…” Dean mumbled into the phone, getting a half-amused half annoyed snort from his brother. “Maybe one day I’ll go full ‘Bobby’. Get a cabin out in the middle of nowhere, open up my own mechanic shop… though, doubt I could go back to the old way of looking up the lore… Hey, they do satellite internet, right?”

Sam had suddenly gone very quiet. Dean raised his eyebrows as he waited for his brother's response, the white-noise from the other end of the line the only reassurance to Dean that the line hadn’t gone dead.

“Uh… yeah. Yeah, I think that’s something you could get set up.” Sam finally answered. “But… you know you can do all that without the whole ‘hunting network’ thing, right? That is still an option-,”

“I know, Sam,” Dean cut off his little brother abruptly. “I know that’s an option. And maybe one day I’ll realize just how old and broken down I am and accept that. But-,”

“But you won’t,” Sam sighed subtly.

“Maybe one day,” Dean repeated softly. “I just… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to quit cold turkey, Sam. I just… I need to do something.”

“Have you been on any hunts?”

Dean shrugged his shoulders, forgetting that Sam couldn’t see him. “Eh, a few. No solo hunts, before you panic. There was a hunter going through town, uh, Jason White? Hadn’t heard of him before, but-,” Dean huffed quietly in laughter. “-He sure as hell heard of me. Seems the Winchester name still has its rep around the hunter community.”

“I can never tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

“Dude was giddy to work with me, so I’d say it was a good thing.” Dean took another swig of beer. “And that’s when they don’t even know we kicked God’s ass!”

“Jack kicked God’s ass,” Sam corrected him. “We got our asses kicked by God.”

“Yeah, but… we needed to get Chuck to beat us up for the plan to work, so… I think it’s fair to say we brought down God.”

“Depending on who you tell that to, you might end up being flayed rather than hailed as a hero.”

Dean paused with the bottle of beer to his lips. “Point taken… maybe it would be better to keep it to ourselves.”

“Probably,” Sam agreed with a chuckle.

“How ‘bout you, Sammy? How’s college life treating you? Again?”

“It’s…” Sam was about to do the usual ‘everything’s great’ spiel, but something about Dean’s inquiring tone made him pause. “… it’s more difficult than I’d thought. I don’t know, maybe I should have had some kind of buffering time between, try and adjust a little before going back.”

“I can imagine.”

“Back then, I felt like I belonged in college, you know? I felt… on par with everyone around me, but now? I stick out like a sore thumb.”

“Yeah? Well, you are an old man amongst eighteen to twenty-year old’s.”

“Thirty-seven isn’t old, jerk. Plenty of people go back to college when they’re…”

“…older?” Dean finished his sentence with glee.

“Shut up.”

Dean laughed smugly at his brother’s annoyed grumbles, though he quickly pulled himself back together. “Seriously though Sammy, I… I hope you know I’m proud of you for this. I know it’s not exactly what we – what I imagined, but… I’m glad to see you living out the life you set out for yourself. I know I wasn’t supportive of you when you first left for college, and I know it’s gonna be tough for you. But if you can go up against God and win, I’m sure you can pass your bar exam.”

“Thanks, Dean.” Sam’s voice sounded a little choked. “How are you doing, anyway? I didn’t really ask.”

“Living the dream, Sammy. Living the dream.” Dean answered dryly, staring sombrely at the last dregs of beer in the bottle and wondering whether it’s worth grabbing the last bottle from the fridge. Future Dean will hate him if he does…

“Seriously, Dean.” If Sam’s voice was anything to go by, he had the puppy dog eyes on full effect right now. “How are you? You okay? I know it’s been hard since… since…”

Dean swallowed hard, letting his eyes flutter shut and his head lean back against the couch. “No, Sam. I’m pretty damn far from okay. And I’m not sure if I ever will be, but… I’ll learn to cope.”

“Dean, it’s… don’t be afraid to ask for help with this kind of stuff. I know it’s a bit unconventional when it comes to our lives, but-,”

“A bit unconventional?” Dean spluttered. “Sam, how the hell would I go about explaining any of this to a shrink, huh? ‘Hey, I had the literal Death trying to kill me, and one of the few people I love sacrificed himself to save me by telling me he loves me.’ Yeah, I’m sure that’ll go down a-,”

“What did you just say?” Sam interrupted in a quiet, shocked voice. “Dean, you… did Cas say-,”

“I’m not talking about that, Sammy.” Dean’s tone left no room for argument.

“Cas was my friend too you know, Dean,” Sam argued back, his voice understanding but digging too much for Dean’s liking. “I know you don’t like talking about this, but-,”

“No, Sam. I don’t like talking about it.” Dean snapped curtly.

“But-,”

“Cas was my Eileen, Sam.” Dean could hear Sam’s mouth snap close, the stunned silence on the other end of the phone too loud in Dean’s ear. “And I know you sure as hell don’t like talking about her. I had to… Fuck, do you have any idea, Sam? I never let myself think about it, about what Cas was to me. He could be a stubborn bastard and hard to read at times, and this whole damn time, he loved me and… he never told me. All this time he’d been holding that to himself and he just… I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t say anything. He was just gone, and I…”

“You loved him.”

It wasn’t a question. Dean squeezed his eyes shut at Sam’s words. “Yeah. Yeah, I did. And he never got to know. He never heard me say it.”

Dean ran a tense hand through his hair, pulling at the strands with a pained grimace. “I still see him sometimes, Sammy. I feel like I’m going crazy. I’ll see a flash of him in a crowd, see that stupid tax-accountant get up of his out of the corner of my eye, and… I keep telling myself he’s gone, that I need to move on.”

“You will, Dean. Sometimes, after… after Jess, I’d see her, too. Grief does strange things to the mind.”

“Yeah, I know, but… I can’t help but think about when I lost him in purgatory. When I kept seeing him, back then, and… all that time, he was trying to reach out to me.”

“This isn’t like then, Dean.” Sam’s response was like a punch to the chest. “Cas was in Purgatory. When he was trying to contact you, he was back on Earth, right? Cas is… he’s in the Empty. The only being with enough power to get him out was Jack, but-,”

“But Jack’s not gonna be hands-on,” Dean said miserably.

“Right…” Sam replied with a sigh. “I’m sorry, Dean. I wish it was Cas, you know I do, but… he’s gone.”

“I know. I know that, Sammy. I’m not denying he’s gone, I just… I miss him. Guess I always assumed we’d win this thing together, you know? ‘Paradise on Earth’ and all that.”

“I don’t even know what Cas would have done after all this,” Sam said with a mild tone of amusement. “After meeting Cas, it felt like we had to stop one apocalypse after the other.”

“Poor guy never really got to catch a break,” Dean agreed sadly. “Maybe I could have trained him up to be a proper hunter, just like he wanted. Or… maybe he would have flown home.”

“Home?”

“Yeah, y’know; Heaven. If the other winged dicks let him back in, that is.”

“Dean… I don’t think ‘Heaven’ is Cas’ home. At least, it hasn’t been for a while, anyway. If Cas was still here, well… whatever he decided to do next, I can’t imagine anything that didn’t involve being by your side, Dean.”

 * * *

The later into the night it got, the more tempted Dean was to break out the bottle of whisky he has hidden under his cupboard for ‘emergencies only’.

The only saving grace was that Dean had the day off tomorrow, so it’s not like he had to worry about work. Tonight was just going to be… one of those nights. Getting off the phone with Sammy always left him feeling bittersweet; happy to hear his brother’s voice, but the reminder that he was so far away only worsening the dull ache he felt in his chest that he could only fix by drinking until everything went black and numb.

‘THUMP’

Dean was upright from his bed in seconds, fingers curling around the comforting grip of his pistol under the pillow. The sound hadn’t come from his room, rather somewhere else in the apartment – the living room, perhaps? The kitchen? He slowly peeled off the covers, untangling them from his legs and stepping softly onto the dusty carpet, thankful it would mute his footsteps.

Dean cautiously approached his closed bedroom door, placing his ear up to the door and straining his hearing. Nothing. For a moment, he wondered if he had simply imagined the noise, his emotional and exhausted mind caught between sleep and lucidity, conjuring up a sound to distract him.

Maybe, if Dean were a normal person, he’d have waved it off and headed back to bed. Hunter's instincts are hard to shake off though, and not checking the apartment simply wasn’t an option. Sure, he had thrown up all the usual sigils in the apartment the second he had moved in (and likely ruined any chance of getting his deposit back), but you never know.

Dean clasps his free hand around the rounded doorknob, painstakingly turning it until he hears the ‘click’ of the lock, wincing at how loud the usually quiet sound felt in the silence of the room. Dean swings the door open slowly, peering out of the room and into the pitch-blackness of his apartment. He can barely make out the shadowed outline of his furniture, lit up only by the muted lights of passing traffic peeking in through the partly opened blinds.

Dean takes a single step out into the living room when a hand clasps around his shoulder.

He whirls around in an instant, knocking off the assailant’s arm and lifting his pistol to aim. The gun is wrenched out of his hands in an instant, the unexpectedly strong pull nearly sending him tumbling straight into his attacker. Dean hears his gun clatter to the floor, and he throws a punch out of instinct, feeling his knuckles connect with the strangers’ jaw. There’s a pained grunt from the man, definitely a man by his posture and deep, surprised groan of pain, and Dean jabs out his fist again before the man can counter. His fist lands squarely in the man's gut and Dean knows by the sound the man makes that he had just had the wind knocked out of him.

Dean’s next hit isn’t as successful, the man catching Dean’s fist mid-swing and twisting him away, pushing him forward until his chest hits the wall with a resounding ‘thud’. Dean grimaces at the pressure against his back and arm, kicking out a leg backward and feeling it connect with the guy’s knee. It buckles, the pressure on his back gone and Dean takes the advantage, spinning around and shoving the guy hard. He sees the blurry black figure go sprawling backward, slamming into the wall opposite with another pained grunt. Dean scrambles to the floor in search of his gun, blinking rapidly in an attempt to adjust to the darkness of the room. He just about catches a glint of metal, reaching for the gun before it’s gone again, kicked out of sight by his attacker. Dean growls in frustration, jumping to his feet as fast as his body will let him. It seems he isn’t as fast as he once was, the man grabbing him by the arm and slamming him back down to the ground before he can even blink.

His back hits the floor hard, the air leaving his lungs in one giant ‘whoosh’, dust erupting from the unkempt carpet under him. His attacker had clambered over him, the heavy pressure he felt on his wrists surely the man pinning him down, the weight on top of his legs surely that of the stranger. His head was spinning, vision blurry from the dark, and the hit to the back of his head when he landed. The man above him was panting heavily, wheezing for breath through pained grunts, and usually, Dean would find some comfort in knowing he at least got a few good licks in.

Instead, all he could do was drop his head back into the carpet with gritted teeth. Great. He was Dean Winchester; He had taken on monsters that most believed to be fairy tales, he had taken on Lucifer, he had taken on God. Hell, he had even killed Hitler.

And now he was about to be killed by some goddamn junkie that had broken into his apartment. Fan-friggen-tastic.

“Hello, Dean.”

His heart stops. Pauses, for just a moment. When it kicks back into gear, it's with a hard, resounding thump. The voice was gruff, grated, that of a man who had either smoked ten packs of cigarettes a day or had had his vocal cords shredded apart. It was familiar, like coming home, and he wants to scream to the Universe how fucking cruel it is for him to be losing his mind like this, that it was bad enough to be seeing him, but to be hearing him too?

Unless…

He squirms underneath the man’s grip, his shallow, quick intakes of air a sure sign of an approaching panic attack. To Dean’s surprise, the man's grip slackened, and he let Dean scramble up to his feet. Dean stumbled back into the wall as the man smoothly got to his feet, stood there silently watching Dean panic as he slapped his hand against the wall, searching for the light switch. Dean’s hand passes over the smooth cool plastic of the panel, and he smacks down hard on the switch.

The light bursts to life, bathing the room in that sickening bright white. It’s blinding - as if lightning had struck inside his apartment. Dean still has his hand glued to the light switch; his gaze glued to the stranger stood opposite him.

Except, that was no stranger.

There’s a thin trail of blood slipping down a split lip that’s curved up into a subtle smile, blue eyes glossy with unshed tears that are scanning up and down Dean like he can’t quite believe he’s there. His chest is still heaving with exasperated breaths from their scuffle and he’s holding himself awkwardly, one leg taking more of his weight than the other – likely a result of Dean’s attempt at defending himself.

“Cas? Cas, is this… is that really you?” Dean’s voice is breathy, uncertainty laced in every word.

“I spent the whole drive over here thinking about what to say when I saw you,” Castiel said. “And now all I can think is how I should be scolding you for not checking to see if I’m a shifter or a demon first.”

Dean blinked owlishly at Cas, the shock mixed with the adrenaline sending his brain into overdrive. Cas’s shy smile widened briefly for a moment, barely wincing at the sting of his split lip being pulled.

“Actually, I… I was worried for a moment that I had been told the wrong address and had broken into someone else’s residence. But then you were pulling a gun on me and it seemed a bit too late to ask, so I-,”

Dean rushes forward before Cas can finish his sentence, throwing his arms around Cas’s shoulders and burying his head into his neck. He’s fully aware his hands are shaking, scrunching up the back of Castiel’s trench coat so tightly that he can feel some threads popping loose under his fingers. Castiel’s hands were wrapped around his back in return, squeezing Dean close with all his worth, eyes squeezed shut in content with his head nestled next to Dean’s.

When Dean pulls away, it’s to hold Cas at arm’s length and just… look. Take him all in. To savor the warmth of Cas’s under his hands, to drink in the smile he never thought he’d get to see again. Because there’s a part of him that still doesn’t know if this is real, and he wants to take the time to memorize the feel of Castiel in his arms.

“You, uh…” Dean says somewhat awkwardly. “You need a drink?”

 * * *

Dean’s been staring at Cas for way too long then is socially acceptable now.

He’s perched on what Dean knows from experience is an incredibly uncomfortable bar stool at the end of the kitchen counter, the beer Dean had offered him pressed against his split lip from their, um… reunion. Dean tapped his fingers against the cool glass of whisky he held, watching Cas as his eyes scanned curiously around the apartment, and Dean starts to feel guilty for not keeping on top of the cleaning as much as he should. In his defense, he wasn’t exactly expecting company.

“How… how are you here, Cas?”

“I had to hot-wire a car that had been left parked in a desolate road near a field in Illinois. In my defense, it seemed rather neglected, so I doubt it’ll be missed. It was quite difficult finding you actually, your number no longer worked and I had to visit many, many bars to find some hunters who had some knowledge on your whereabouts-,”

“Cas, that’s… that’s not what I’m talking about. I mean how are you here?”

Castiel pulled the bottle away from his lip, placing it down delicately on the countertop. The signature frown was back on his face, along with the cocked head that Dean found much too endearing. “Dean, have you not noticed?”

Dean followed Castiel’s hands to where he had placed a finger on his split lip, wincing when he pressed down a bit too hard.

“What? That I greeted my best friends return from the dead by giving him a beating? Yeah, I kinda noticed.”

Castiel sighed quietly, and Dean grinned at the exasperation. “Have you not noticed that it hasn't healed?”

Dean frowned at him in confusion. “Oh. Why haven’t you…?”

It finally clicked.

Dean sat up straight as it hit him; looking to the split lip, to the bruise that had already begun forming on the edge of Cas’s jaw, to the way he held out his leg at an odd angle like it was bothering him.

Almost as if…

“You’re human?”

“I believe so, yes. My grace was… warped. It’s been through a lot, through the fall… but… I believe it had been different from the very start. Chuck was right, in a way. I was ‘the angel with a crack in his chassis’. Maybe that’s why I was the only one. Out of all the other me’s that exist… I was the angel that began to feel. The angel to fall in love with the righteous man. Angels aren’t supposed to love, you see. Emotions are seen as distractions. Emotions were thought only possible to humans because of one thing.”

“Souls,” Dean answered for him.

Castiel nodded. “Dean, do you understand what the Empty is? What happens to us? It’s… it seems almost peaceful when you think about it. To spent eternity just… sleeping. But we don’t sleep. We dream. We dream of all that we regret. For most angels and demon’s, they have only one regret; their death. What they did wrong to meet their end, tortured endlessly by that mistake. I didn’t dream of my death though, Dean. My death was no mistake. Instead, I dreamt of you. I dreamt of all the times I let you down, of all the things I should have done or said but never did. Angels aren’t supposed to do that, Dean. Those aren’t the regrets soldiers of God are meant to have.

“The Empty isn’t a complicated being. It’s… it’s nothingness, and it wants to exist as nothingness. Billy made it promises she wouldn’t keep, keeping it awake when all it wanted to do was to return to sleep. So when it had dragged us into that place, when I fell into that sleep… perhaps it assumed it would be able to return to sleep. But my dreams, my regrets… they weren’t of the type that any another being in the Empty had. My grace wasn’t settling, it was… it was like an animal in a cage, it was…”

“It was keeping the Empty awake.”

“The Empty wanted me to suffer. But in doing so, it was suffering itself. It didn’t understand why; I didn’t understand why. Why my grace. What made it different? It wasn’t until I had been spat back out here; when the Empty had figured it out before me that I realized. It wasn’t my grace, Dean. It wasn’t grace at all, not anymore. I’m… I’m still not sure how it happened, whether it had been happening for a while, if it was the reason my grace had been diminishing over the years, or… if maybe Jack had a part to play in it, or… or if it was just myself. If me falling for you, to be the first angel to do that… maybe it’s something that could happen to all angels.”

Dean had never been more confused in his life. “What are you talking about, Cas?”

“My grace was changed, Dean. An angel’s grace, it’s a source of power, a piece of God himself; just like a soul. I’m not just an angel who has lost his grace, Dean. My grace is still here, just changed. Adapted. I’m human in every sense of the word.”

Dean knew what Cas was getting at, but he couldn’t quite believe it himself. “…You have a soul?”

“I have a soul,” Castiel confirmed, giving Dean a watery smile. “Humans were not meant to exist in the Empty. It’s not something the Empty has ever had to deal with - emotions. The Empty is a powerful being. It can tear into your mind, to know all that makes you suffer. But a soul? It doesn’t know how to approach that. It doesn’t know how to make it quiet.”

“So… so what does that mean now for you?”

“It means I’m here,” Castiel answered simply, his wandering gaze returning to their surroundings.

Dean smiled, glancing down to the whisky in his hand to avoid seeing Castiel’s judgment of his shitty apartment. “Yeah? And what do you think of… here?”

Castiel hummed thoughtfully, taking his sweet time to look around the abysmal contents of the room which Dean knows full well only takes about ten seconds to take in.

“It’s rather small,” Castiel finally gives his verdict. Dean ducks his head with embarrassed laughter, scratching awkwardly at the back of his head.

“Yeah, well… a high-school dropout who has barely any prior job experience and next to no references doesn’t exactly get many calls for interviews.”

“I see,” Castiel replied with an understanding yet sad smile. “Why did you and Sam leave the bunker?”

“Well, after Sammy decided he wanted to give college another shot, and after you and Jack, it was… the bunker was too empty. Too quiet. Too many memories, I guess. And it’s not like I was gonna be hunting like I used to without Sammy…”

“You’re not hunting?” Castiel asked, surprise clearly written across his features.

“Sometimes,” Dean replied with a shrug. “It’s… Sammy wanted another shot at the normal life, and after everything… that doesn’t even begin to cover what the kid deserves.”

“And what about you?” Castiel said with a questioning frown. “What about what you deserve?”

Dean laughed one humorless chuckle. “Cas, I always expected to go out in a blaze of glory. Maybe with Sammy by my side, maybe not, but-,” Dean paused, turning his eyes down. “I didn’t… I didn’t picture a scenario where I lived and you didn’t. I didn’t know what life was going to be like after that, after you… I didn’t think it was a pain I’d have to live with, you know?”

Cas’s calloused hand rests over Dean’s, thumb gently sweeping over his wrist. There’s a sadness and regret to Cas’s gaze, but a comforting smile curled onto his lips. “When I took that deal… a part of me never expected for it to be claimed. I thought the Empty had made some colossal mistake on its part, because… I couldn’t envision a scenario where I’d be happy. A scenario where we beat God and we made it out alive. But then I wondered… I wondered how much the Empty knew of me. It had tortured me with it once, with what I feared and… of who I loved. And Dean, it was almost funny when I realized, when I assumed the Empty had surely made that mistake. It knew what I wanted most, and yet, it was something I could never have.”

“What you wanted?”

Cas’s smile turned sad. “You, Dean Winchester. I wanted to know the touch of your lips, of the feel of your skin under my hands… I wanted to know what it would be like to wake up next to you, to be something that brought you some sense of happiness… I wanted to know what it was like to be seen as something more than family, a friend, a brother… I wanted what angels aren’t supposed to want. I wanted your love, Dean Winchester.”

“…Cas-”

“But there was a simplicity to it.” Cas continued before Dean could form the words he wanted to say. “I couldn’t get that happiness because… because I wouldn’t let myself feel it. It was easier to just push it down, to pretend as if this hadn’t been something eating at me ever since I had rebelled. And to just… to just say it. In letting myself feel it, in telling you, in telling myself… that was my own form of happiness. It wasn’t in knowing you felt the same way, it wasn’t that I needed you to say it back… I said it because I needed you to know.”

How did Cas do this? Every time he thought he knew what to say, Cas found a way to rip the words right of his mouth. Dean was thrown through a loop again, his brain brought to a standstill. None of it made sense in his mind. The thought that he was Cas’s happiness, that he had somehow made an angel of the lord love, it was just… why him?

“In a way, the Empty lost,” Cas told him. “It wanted me to suffer. It was cruel, yes, but genius on its part, I must admit. To only take me once I had found happiness on Earth, but… I didn’t suffer as it took me, Dean. To die, knowing you were safe? That I had kept you safe? My mission is and always will be to save Dean Winchester. If my ending was the one where you get to live the life you deserve? Then… that was my happiness.”

Dean huffed, staring down at his whisky, absentmindedly spinning the glass across the counter. “You had found your peace. I get that, Cas, I really do,” Dean stopped spinning the glass, eyes flickering up to meet Cas’s. “But if you think the life I deserve is one that didn’t have you in it, then…”

Dean chuckled dryly, taking a small sip of his drink, welcoming the burning sensation that crawled down his throat.

“Dean, don’t think I wouldn’t have wanted… this,” Castiel insisted, brows furrowing. “I would have been content to carry on the way we are. I would of course wanted to stay with you, and Sam, and Jack, just as we were.”

Dean licks his lips nervously, tasting the lingering leftovers of his whisky. “And what if I’m not content with that?”

Cas frowned at him, a brief look of panic flashing across his face. “I don’t get what you mean?”

Dean laughs. He can’t help it. They’re small hushed snorts of laughter, dropping his chin down into his chest and shaking his head, his shoulders shaking with every chuckle. “Oh, Cas… We’re both idiots, aren’t we? Biggest damn idiots there are.”

Castiel was only getting more and more confused.

“Cas, what the hell did you think that mixtape meant?” Dean asked once he lifted his head back up. “What did you think that prayer back in Purgatory meant, huh? Both times? When I prayed to you every damn night in that hellhole?”

“I… I assumed-,”

“Assumed… yeah, we both kept making assumptions about the other, huh? You know I’m not great with words, Cas. I’m… I speak better with my actions, you know? But this… you… I didn’t know how to handle the way I felt for you. Calling you my brother was easy because that was a love I knew how to process. It was easy. You knew I cared for you, and I thought that was enough.”

“It was enough,” Castiel assured him.

“No, it wasn’t, Cas,” Dean insisted. “I was too much of a coward to tell you the truth.”

“Dean, you don’t have to-,”

Dean grabbed Castiel by the lapels of his trench coat to shut him up, tugging him forward and damn near dragging him over the counter. Castiel had gone wide-eyed, bracing himself by grabbing onto Dean's arms, keeping him suspended over the counter.

“Listen to me,” Dean stresses the words, keeping his eyes locked with Cas. “You’re not just my best friend. You’re not just my brother. You’re all that and more. You’re not just what I want, you’re all that I need. And I’m telling you this now because I should have told you all those years ago. I should have told you when you told me. I love you, too. You got that? I love you.”

And then Dean kisses the shocked look right off of Cas’s face, just to drive the point home.

It’s far from the best kiss Dean’s ever had. The taste of Castiel’s blood is metallic and tangy under his lips, and he went into the kiss a bit too rushed and hard. There’s definitely a clash of teeth at first, and a kiss was apparently the last thing Cas was expecting as his lips remained frozen in disbelief for some good few seconds. And yet, it was perfect.

Because it was Cas.

It’s not until Dean’s hands frame Cas’s face that he gets a response. His lips move under Dean’s, chapped yet addictingly soft. Dean’s thumb brushes down Cas’s cheek, the burn of stubble against his skin something new, but a reminder that this was Cas. It was Cas’s lips on his. It was Cas’s hands brushing through the short strands of hair at the back of his neck.  It was Cas pressing his body into him, fitting together like two pieces of a puzzle that never thought the other piece would fit.

When they break away, it’s with a surprised “Oh,” from Cas that has Dean shaking quietly with repressed laughter, his forehead pressed against Cas with matching smiles on both men's faces.

“Like I said-,” Dean said softly. “-Idiots. Both of us.”

“I prefer the term ‘fools in love’,” Cas said with a grin. “Still idiots, but we have an excuse.”

“Yeah... yeah, I like the sound of that.” Dean agreed, returning Cas's gentle smile. “So, back on Earth, grace gone – or, changed into a soul. What’s the plan now?”

“Just... live life, I suppose. Experience humanity, of all there is to offer. Grow old...”

“Hmmm,’ Dean hummed in content. “Can you perhaps picture a little cozy cabin out in the woods? Maybe a yappy dog that won’t shut up and is constantly shedding all over the damn place, but you love anyway?”

“I think I could get on board with that... so long as there’s a cat running around that’ll provide the dog with some company,” Cas paused, squinting suspiciously at Dean. “Is there already a dog?”

“Apartment has a ‘no pets' rule. Miracle’s shacked up with Sammy for the time being, keeping the kid sane through exams.”

“...Miracle?”

“Yeah. Y'know, coz she was a miracle.” Dean swallowed nervously, struggling to get the next words out. “And... in this vision of the future... maybe you see yourself growing older with a grizzled, greying green-eyed hunter?”

“...Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“If you really have to ask that question, then I’m afraid I’m going to use to demote you back to ‘idiot'.”

“Wow,” Dean blanched. “Having a soul has made you a sassy dick.”

“You say that like you don’t love it.”

“I deal with it, but only because I love you. There’s a difference.”

Dean’s word elicited a beaming smile from Cas, that toothy smile he so rarely sees from Cas that he knows he’s going to be spending the rest of his life trying to see as often as possible. And really, what else can he do but smile back, just two idiots smiling at each other in a cramped, barely lit kitchen?

“I never thought I’d hear you say it…” Castiel admitted quietly.

“Well, be prepared to hear it until you get sick of it, coz I’ve got a lot of times I should have said it to make up for.”

[atomicdetectivehideout]

This is for @lilliankayl​ as part of @destielsecretsanta2020​. I hope you like it!

Their wishlist: Fluffy Retired AU Domestic Fluff with their dog Miracle.

Christmas Surprises

On Ao3 

Words: 1777

Summary: Dean's going to be making Christmas dinner for the whole family this year and Cas wants to sneak a gift into the oven before Dean has it claimed for the rest of the day. Too bad Miracle has woken him up before Cas is ready.

When Dean wakes up he’s alone. He stretches his arms and legs and back, getting as many cricks and cracks out as he can before flipping to face the other side of the bed. It’s cold. He’s tempted to burrow back into his blankets but he can hear the clanging in the kitchen so he knows he’s the last one awake.

He sits up rubbing his eyes and is steeling himself to leave his cozy bed (there’s no real getting used to how cold the bunker is first thing in the morning in winter) when his door is nudged open and a cream colored blur launches itself into the bed.

(source)

“Hey, buddy! Good morning,” he said wrapping his arms around Miracle and rocking the two of them back and forth in a deep embrace while he steals her warmth.

(source)

It's only when Miracle starts licking at his ears (and he does not giggle) that he decides to get up. He flings the blankets off himself, covering Miracle in the process. She burrows her way out and gives a shake before huffing almost exasperatedly at him.

Dean pulls on his robe. "Don't give me that look," he tells her. "That's for slobbering in my ears." He turns to the door and catches a whiff of something delicious so he follows his nose to the kitchen, Miracle by his side.

***

The toast pops and Sam looks over his shoulder away from the stove for a moment and warns, “It’s hot,” before turning his attention back to scrambling the eggs.

(source)

Castiel pauses what he's doing to carefully grab the toast and butter the slices. Sam is on breakfast duty this morning since Dean decided to do a full Christmas dinner for them, Eileen, Jack, Jody and Donna, and their girls. Cas, newly human since his rescue from the Empty, still doesn't know much about cooking but he's proving to be a quick learner and he's always ready for the next lesson. This morning, in addition to helping with breakfast, he's working on his Christmas surprise for Dean.

Last week while out for their usual grocery shop, he'd brought the subject up to Sam. Always ready to help a friend, Sam agreed and immediately pulled up a few possible recipes to choose from on his phone. On their trip home, Cas insisted on holding his bag of ingredients on his lap so he could read all the labels to try to understand why each ingredient was important.

It's when Dean walks into the kitchen saying, "All that bacon better be for me!" that he realizes that his Christmas surprise might not be much of a surprise if Dean is already here. He thought for sure Dean would still be asleep after their late night together the night before.

Like Dean can hear his thoughts, his eyes snap from the stovetop searching for bacon to Castiel and the bowl he's holding.

"What's in the bowl?" Dean asks, eyebrow raised.

"It's… uhh…" Cas tries.

"It's none of your business," Sam swoops in with the save. Dean scoffs, a reminder that Dean considers the kitchen to be his territory, and Cas releases the breath he didn't realize he was holding when Sam adds absentmindedly while plating everyone's breakfast, "Besides, he needs to do this now."

"Why does he need to do this now?" Dean asks, confused.

Sam realizes what he's revealed by accident, alarm in his eyes as he looks at Castiel for his reaction. Castiel's eyes are just as wide in surprise.

And while this wasn't how he'd planned on this going, it seemed like this was how events wanted to play out and he wasn't ready to be upset on Christmas Day.

So instead, he smiles at Sam before turning to Dean and taking his hand. Miracle nudges at his ankles looking for attention and he'll be sure to give her plenty soon.

Sam sees his chance, and fills a plate with food and exits the kitchen at high speed.

"Well, you're about to be cooking all day so I wanted to get your gift in the oven before you need it," he tells Dean.

"My gift?" Dean asks, still confused. "I thought we all agreed no gifts."

"We did, but this is a bit of a gift for everyone, if you choose to share," Cas tells him with a grin. "Do you want to know what it is now?"

"Do you want to tell me now?" Dean counters instead.

Castiel frowns at him and crosses his arms. "I asked you first."

Dean just rolls his eyes. "Yes, please tell me."

Cas looks to Miracle for good luck before looking to Dean. "I'm baking you a pie. A pecan pie."

Dean's mouth immediately starts to water. Pecan might not be his first favourite flavour, but it's easily second or third (depending on how good the slice of cherry pie in front of him is) and he knows why Cas has chosen pecan: at the end of his Christmas feast are four apple pies he had finished baking the day before.

"Awesome," Dean tells him. "Pecan is a great choice and perfect for the holidays." He puts his hand on Cas's shoulder and sighs dramatically. "I can't believe you want to encroach on my dinner plans though," he teases.

Cas gasps, not picking up on the joke. He raises both hands and takes Dean's hand from his shoulder to hold it. "Dean, I would never want to infringe on that. This is merely to supplement what you have planned. If you even want to share at all," he explains in complete earnestness.

And Dean just laughs, "I know!" he reassures Cas. "I'm just kidding with you." He clasps his other hand on top of Cas's. "Do you want help?"

"No, Dean," Cas says in horror. "This is your gift. You can't help to make it," he pauses with a head tilt. "That's a rule, isn't it?"

"We make our own rules," Dean tells him with a kiss to his cheek. "And we can definitely make our own Christmas traditions too. If you want my help, I'm all in but if you don't that's okay too." He lowers their hands still holding on though and looks around the kitchen. "Now how about we eat?"

***

Dean couldn't wait a moment longer for his plate of bacon (with his spinach omelette, god, okay he'll eat it) and they're back in the kitchen right after.

Sam finished up the breakfast dishes quickly and got out of Dodge right after. He's been around enough to know that Dean treats a full meal preparation like a battle plan and it's best not to be around if you're not needed. 

Cas is nervous now that Sam is out of the room and Dean turns to him expectantly. "So what's the verdict, sweetheart? Do you want my help or should I hit the road?"

He takes a moment to consider it before answering. "Yes, please stay," he says simply. Dean's grin lights up the kitchen and Cas knows he could never send Dean away. Cas returns the wide smile and pulls on his apron. It's a white apron with pastel flowers embroidered along the bottom that Dean had bought him as a gift when his eyes lingered on the flowers. He picks up the bowl and spoon he had earlier and gets ready to start. Dean can't help himself.

"Hang on a sec," he tells Cas. He pulls his phone from his robe pocket and opens the camera. "Give me a smile." So Cas does as he's asked and Dean snaps a photo (or several). "Perfect," Dean tells Cas, showing him the photo.

Dean quickly sends the image to Claire captioned Hard at work for dinner. See u tonite. She replies moments later saying stop burning my dinner and pay attention! Dean scoffs and puts the phone down.

“Let’s see this recipe,” he says to Cas. He takes the piece of paper he is offered and reviews it. “This doesn’t look too hard. Where are you?”

Cas leans over his shoulder and points. “Number three. I performed the blind bake before you got up. I was hoping to get the pie in the oven before you woke up."

Laughing, Dean says, "You should have pulled our bedroom door shut. Miracle nosed her way in." Miracle had settled beside the table to be near to her humans while they were busy and perked up at her name. She huffs in disappointment when she realizes they have nothing for her and flops back to the floor with a thump.

"I will do that the next time I intend to bake you a surprise," Cas deadpans. 

"You know I'll never say no to something baked,” Dean tells him matter of factly. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

They get to work pulling out all the ingredients for the filling. Castiel carefully fills the measuring cups and spoons with precision and Dean supervises, answering any questions Cas has. When Cas is done whisking the mixture, he removes his apron revealing his current favourite sweater with a majestic grey wolf on the front and hangs it up. He reaches for the cellophane package of pecan pieces and returns to the counter. Resting his foot on the stool in front of him, his pants pulling tightly against his thigh and he lifts the bag to his mouth and opens the package with his teeth. 

Dean swallows, eyes drawn to Cas’s thick thighs automatically. Cas might hear him because he makes eye contact with Dean, pecans still at his mouth and he raises an eyebrow in question. Dean shakes himself back to attention. “Don’t forget you’re human now,” he pulls open a drawer of utensils, “and the dentist is expensive. Use scissors instead of your teeth.” He’s gruff, but not unkind and Castiel gives him an affectionate smile before pouring the pecans into the pie shell. They get the pie in the oven and set a timer and Dean turns to the recipes he’d printed out for today. He’s got a lot planned and that means a lot to do, but he’s wanted to do this for a long time now and this seemed like the perfect time. 

The holidays are the time for family, good food, sweets, and surprises after all. And tonight Dean and Cas have a surprise for all their friends and family: they’re officially retiring from hunting. 

***

As the smell of the baking pecan pie fill the kitchen, it is no surprise to anyone that Dean decides that he will not be sharing his gift from Cas with anyone else. 

***

Merry Christmas to those of you that celebrate and Happy Holidays! 

Love, Atomicdetectivehideout

[writing-things-by-me]

Dean and Sam's adventures

Dean and his little brother, in age only, Sam had been talking about closing the Gates of Hell and then trying to figure out if there is anything on the angel tablet to close the doors to heaven as well. The angels just caused too much trouble when they came down and caused too much harm. The boys were leaning back against their, well when I say their, I mean Dean’s beloved 1967 Black Chevy Impala. She has been through everything with them. She was their home when they didn’t have one. She is the only companion they have had all their lives when everyone else leaves them. Whether anyone means to leave or not, She has been through their heartbreak and sorrow. She has been through the pain of losing each other and the ecstasy of finding each other again.She has seen them in the soft joy of falling in love with others without meaning to and finding the other to hope they can always meet here again after a hard time hunting or fighting the other angels. She was a part of the family whether she is inanimate or not. She has been rebuilt from almost scratch with the loving care of the eldest brother she carries with her.

This hunt they were taking on was a particular easy one that Dean didn’t like one bit. He of course thought it was too easy to just sit here watching the doors for activity and hope no one sees them. As if they were the boogeyman to all the monsters they have to fight to save people. They did have some easy cases in the past but this was suspiciously too easy. Sam didn’t think so. He just wanted to get it over with and keep going with the newest project he was working on. One of the vampire case’s that was easy was that one time with Benny and when Dean had the Mark of Cain but that was a whole other story. What usually happens in these scenarios is they get caught and ruffed up before they inevitably escape and kill the nest but no one has come or gone from the building yet.

Just when Dean was gonna give up and go bursting in he heard some shouting and the sounds of a fight breaking out inside the building. Just then a couple burst through the barn door of the abandoned building and into the night around them. Dean was quietly watching and slowly opening the car door so as to not cause attention to turn to them as the two were starting to get rougher with each other. It seemed like one was starting to get fed up when her fangs could be vaguely seen gleaming in the moonlight from being bared at the other. The boys quickly got out with their weapons and made to run over to help when Dean felt a sharp pain in the back of his head. As he whirled around to attack, he got a fist full of brass knuckles to the face. He heard Sam cry out through the ringing in his head and as he turned to look over he saw Sam say his name. As he was fighting to keep his eyes open, he saw the couple weren’t fighting anymore and saw them looking over with smug smiles through his blurry vision.

“Damn, this was a setup.” was Dean’s last thought as he finally lost the battle with the darkness encroaching on his vision. When Dean was finally coming to he could feel himself sitting down with some rough ropes tying him to a pole. He could feel his arms starting to cramp from being tied in this position for so long. He tried to wiggle around to see what weapons he still had on him when he could see Sam sitting to the right of him with his head still falling against his chest. “Sam!” Dean exclaimed to see if he would answer.

He didn’t and the only thing Dean got was the attention of the Vampire’s who were on guard duty apparently. The man who was fighting earlier turned to see what he heard and noticed that Dean was awake again. “Hey! He’s up. We can’t have that. It’s not time yet.” He slowly, arrogantly, walked over with a swing in his hips. He crouched and smiled cockily and whispered “Nighty night Winchester.” He used to butt of the machete that Dean had brought to hit his temple and knock him out again. When he woke again he could feel the headache and possible concussion he had. He could hear some mumbling in the background as he was trying to gain his bearings again. When he could finally lift his head without feeling the room spinning nauseatingly he looked over to see Sam looking at him full of concern and with some fury mixed in.

He looked around the room to see if he could find his weapons stashed anywhere. He could see they were all piled in the hammock a few paces from him. He felt the slow simmering anger from all his things being carelessly tossed away. He felt around to see if the hidden pocket knife he had made from a melted angel blade was still in his sleeve's hidden pocket. He sent a small smug smile to Sam that his idea worked out and was actually useful. Sam exasperatedly rolled his eyes and started to work it out of his sleeve as well. “Ha! Beat that Sam.” Dean thought as he started to cut his ropes as quietly as he could as to not draw attention like he did last time. When Dean was almost finished he signaled Sam knowing he would understand the unspoken cues they have between them. Sam started to yell and make a nuisance of himself so Dean could finish and they could finally leave. Sam knowing how this would end started to brace himself for the punches and Dean tried and failed to concentrate on his part to get them out.

“I am gonna kill that vampire and make it hurt.” Dean quietly vowed to himself as he slunk over to the hammock with their weapons. He grabbed the machete he always kept in his car stash and started his swinging and beheading his way to his brother. With the other vampire’s were occupied with his brother, he could see the others starting to cheer and turn their attention to the empty pole he was supposed to be tied to. The brief surprise and panicked horror he saw in their eyes didn’t make up for what happened but it satisfied that dark part in the back of his heart. It wanted him to keep going to make them realize just exactly how they were messing with. That there was a reason that the Winchesters were considered terrifying to the monster realm and why if you heard they were near you could only run or get caught. Some called them psychopaths and they were right but only for the monsters of the night that hurt humans.

They finally turned to try and find him and that is the last that some of them saw but for others they saw a very pissed off overprotective brother coming straight for them. No one was allowed to mess with Sam but him. Before he could stop him, one of the vampires that was in the back of the pack took out a gun and shot Sam in the leg. Sam let out a wail of anguish and the vampire started cackling thinking he would make it out with Dean being distracted by Sam. Either he was having too much fun or he just wasn’t that great of a vampire to miss his nest mates heads hitting the ground with a dull ‘thud’ behind him. Dean saw him start to turn around and before he decided to do the whole evil villain monologue he swiftly chopped his head from his shoulders.

“SAM! Hey, you’re gonna be okay. Got it?” Dean worriedly exclaimed as he tried to finish what Sam started earlier before he got injured by the vampire. “Yea. Peachy keen Dean. Just you know, the pain is a lot at the moment.” Sam hissed through clenched teeth and a pinched face trying to jostle the wound too much. His eyelids were starting to battle him trying to close and sleep to preserve energy for healing but he stubbornly tried to keep them so as to not worry Dean too much. He knew Dean would become a mother hen over him more than he already was. “Hey! Come one Sam, don't close your eyes. You know how rude that is?” Dean worriedly scolded him. “You fall asleep on me and I'm gonna mess your computer! Put porn all over it and change your background to some blue waffles if you don’t stay awake.” He taunted using Sam’s precious computer as a threat against him. He started to get desperate with Sam not answering him.

He quickly and carefully as he could picked Sam up and kicked open the barn door from earlier to get back to the car. He knew he wouldn’t be able to open the door with Sam in his arms so he could only lay him out on the hood and hope that didn’t hurt too much. He ran around the side and collected the limited first aid kit he kept in his car. As much as he wanted to whine that they kept his car doors open for a couple hours he guiltily thanked them because it allowed him to get the supplies he needed. He wrapped Sam’s leg with what bandages he had before he went to open the car doors to put Sam in the backseat. Once he successfully got Sam in he stumbled into the front and peeled out as if he had hellhounds on his ass.

Thankfully or not, depending on the perspective, the nest they were hunting wasn’t that far from their bunker. Without taking his eyes off the round, Dean squirmed around to get his phone out of his pocket and called up Cas, who was busy sorting some books in the library. Dean sighed waiting for the ringing to stop when he heard “Hello? Dean? What is it?” cooking over the phone. “Cas. Sam’s hurt. Be ready for us. We’re almost there.” Dean hung up as soon as he was done talking, meanwhile Cas was in a bit of a stupor before he jolted and turned back and forth unable to decide what to get first or where to go.

While Dean was counting on Cas being his Calm warrior of heaven, he was in actuality running around like a headless chicken both dreading and apprehensive of Dean's arrival. Cas was no longer an angel but he hasn't had a chance to tell Dean yet. He won’t be able to heal Sam like he knew Dean would demand of him like he has so many times in the past. The battle between the Angels of heaven and the Hunters of earth was where the deed happened. He gave up being an angel. He didn’t want to be just this destructive force of God. He didn’t just want to be a Warrior when he felt he could be more than that. He knew the Brothers kept him around for his friendship and because they considered him family. That was enough for him. He knew it would have to be enough because he didn’t know what he would do if it wasn’t. He didn’t want to lose Dean but this might finally be the weight that breaks the camel's back and have everything come crumbling down around him.

While the battle had raged on he quickly grew tired. These were his brothers and sisters he was having to kill. They didn’t have the same relationship with him like Dean had with Sam but he still couldn’t help but feel distressed. He didn’t want to die an angel and not be able to see the brothers again. He wanted, yearned, to be human and live out his life with them. With Dean. If he would have him, but he knew it couldn’t be so he settled for what they have now. He wanted to grow old, cranky and gruff like how Bobby had been. He wanted to inform other hunters who called on potential nearby hunts or help with the distribution of information. He wanted to research monsters, to let others know how and with what they need to kill said monsters. That’s all he wants. He is so tired of killing family no matter how distant they are because they don’t understand his need to live amongst the humans. The blood that has collected on Castiel’s hands is too much for him anymore.

‘BANG BANG’ Cas heard from the warded door of the entrance to the bunker. He shook his head to dispel his thoughts. He didn’t have time for that now he chastised himself. He rushed up the metal staircase to get to the door and open it for Dean. “Cas gonna need your help here. Sam is too much for me. I can’t hold him for much longer.” Dean forced out under the strain of holding Sam. Cas quickly takes Sam as to relieve Dean of the weight and takes him carefully back to lay him down on the war room table. He rushes back to the kitchen and grabs the first aid kit all the while hoping Dean doesn’t ask him to heal Sam. As he comes back through the door he could tell that his fears were correct since Dean was looking calmer than he should with Sam injured as he is. Dean goes around the table to take the kit form Cas and gives voice to the very thing Cas was hoping he wouldn’t say. “Alright Cas! Why did you get this? Just go work your mojo on Sammy.” Dean started confusedly before clapping his hands in a manner that suggests he has to hurry up.

Cas could feel the distress and guilt that is showing on his face because Dean’s face is starting to show a dawning sense of comprehension that only he could understand about Cas. “I’m sorry Dean. I am, truly. But I no longer can anymore. I'm no longer an angel. I’m sorry I didn't tell you before but I..” Cas trailed off as he could feel the shame burning on his face as he tried to continue. “Cas.” Dean chokes out through gritted teeth and a scowling face. “Why didn't you tell me this before? Do you just not trust me anymore? Were you ever going to say anything? You know what never mind. We don’t have time for this. I have to help Sam.” Dean brusquely replied, moving around Cas to get to Sam. Cas tilted his head down at the dismissal and quietly helped Dean with what he needed when there was a ringing noise and white light coming from the end of the table almost under the stairs.

They could both see a figures silhouette in the light becoming clearer with every step they take. A hand comes through followed by a foot with leg coming through after. They can clearly see a person coming through, though not who, it becomes increasingly obvious as the light and noise begins to dim again and disappear. Chuck strides through the last of the dying portal light and strolls up to Sam to lay a hand on him when Dean, the ever overprotective brother that he is, whips out his gun and aims it at the intruder with a steady hand. “Put a hand on him and you can say goodbye to your meat suit.” Grits out and looks over to Cas to see why he hasn’t moved to defend Sam. Only to see Castiel look like he was about to cry and was just barely holding back from falling to his knees. “Father?” Cas croaked out from where he was standing.

Chuck slowly raised his hands when Dean turned his gun on him but he slowly turned to look at Cas with the small smile he has on his face as he faces his favorite son. “Castiel, My Son.” Chuck warmly counters to Cas’s words. “What- God?” Dean shrewdly mumbles at the exchange that just happened in front of him. Chuck looks to Dean and then pointedly at the gun still pointed at him though it has lowered slightly in Dean's surprise. Chuck slowly lowers his hands again and brings them to rest delicately on the slowly growing bloodstain on his pant leg. He closed his eyes but that did nothing to hide the light that visibly shines from beneath them. His palms glows with restrained power that illuminates Sam’s injury and shows it slowly closing, by what it seems like, itself. Sam groans as his face is quickly gaining the color it had lost since the injury was first inflicted upon him. “Don’t mess with my computer Dean.” Sam coughs out as he slowly sits up from the table.

Castiel slowly, unsteadily, walks over to the man he claims is his Father and cautiously puts his hand out to push lightly at the shoulder. Chuck watches with a warmth to his eyes in the face of his son’s caution. “Castiel. I need to speak with you.” He says slowly watching the emotions flit across the face of his son. Feeling the imminent emotional overload from his son he casually stops time with a wave of his hand, not unlike how Gabriel and his signature snaps, and watches as Castiel falls to his knees. “Father.” Castiel chokes out to caught up in the emotions caught in his throat to speak properly. “I’m sorry for the destruction I have wreaked across heaven. For the blood I spilt on earth trying to be a God when I wasn't one. I was just an Angel to hopped up on soul power to see how I was hurting others.” Castiel managed to choke out before the hitch in his breathing was too much and he could feel the hitching in his breath coming out fast.

“My Son. It is okay. You feel the regret and you know what you did wasn’t okay. I healed Sam and I came with a question for you. I plan to close the gates of heaven so you boys won’t have to. I am bringing the angels who want to come back and letting anyone else stay if that is what they choose. But I am giving them the choice despite them not quite understanding that yet.” He said slowly, shaking his head looking exasperated with the other angels. Chuck takes Castiel's arms in his and they slowly rise as Castiel gets his breathing back under control again. When he sees that Castiel is more or less okay, he waved his hand and restarted time again to allow the brothers to hear this part of the conversation.

Castiel slowly looks back at the brothers who are looking at the father son duo with twin looks of concern on their face. Castiel looks back at Chuck with a look of deep concentration on his face before they could all see the determination push through the other emotions and he opens his mouth to respond “No father. I don’t want to go back to heaven unless it's after the death of my human life. I want to live here with Dean, and Sam. I want to be a Winchester and hunt with the Winchesters. They have helped me understand humanity better than I ever could just by watching from afar in heaven. I can make choices for myself whether it be good or bad. I can choose to love or I could choose to dislike things and not be punished for it. I don’t have to be a warrior unless I choose to. I could be a healer or informant. I can be whatever I want and to be with who I want if they would have me.” Castiel was exclaiming and excited gesturing with his whole body even though he didn’t move very much.

“Alright My Son. If that is what you want.” Chuck said with a small fond smile playing at the edge of his lips. He hoped Dean would hurry up and get a move on and claim his son already. He vanished in a blink of light and reappeared in heaven where he recalled all his wayward children. He closed the doors of heaven to all but the souls allowed in the gates and sat back on his throne to wait for his human son to live here with him again with his new family. He smiled when he felt them join his domain and made sure they could share a heaven with the rest of their family that has beaten them here to his warm embrace.

[supernatural-freek]

Heartbeat Highway

Dean x Sister!Reader, Sam x Sister!Reader

Synopsis: I have a little sister reader request. Could you do one where the reader has a heart condition and has to go to the cardiologist for her yearly check up? And the reader hates going because she feels like she’s not normal because of it. And the brothers comfort her through the entire appointment/tests. I personally have Pulmonary Atresia so if that could be the condition the reader has that’ll be great.

NOTE: If anything about this is wrong, I apologise. I did some research, but I don’t have the medical condition, so I may have gotten some things wrong.

REQUESTED

MASTERLIST

.

You’ve never been more terrified to go to a clinic.

Well, okay, maybe terrified isn’t the word for it. Because you aren’t scared. You’re actually stuffed full of loathing, and loathing doesn’t equal fear. Loathing is much more fun. Loathing is what makes you dig your heels in before your older brothers could usher you inside.

Dean sighs. “Y/N, come on. You were doing so well.”

“I’m not going in,” you say stubbornly, wrapping your arms around your torso and scowling. “C’mon, let’s just turn around and go back to the Bunker-”

Sam’s hand claps down onto your shoulder, pushing you forward another step. “You’ve gotta go in, bub.”

“I don’t want to.”

“We know.” Dean’s voice is gentler this time. “But you can’t skip this check up. Your condition isn’t something we can treat lightly, okay?”

Your frown deepens, but you’re no match for your brothers. Sam herds you forward a few more steps while Dean ducks inside to get you checked in. Once you’ve checked in, you know there’s no escape. “Why couldn’t Cas just heal me?” You grumble.

Sam’s sigh is sadder than Dean’s, stretched thin by years of clinics and doctors and that one memorable time you had to go to hospital in the back of an ambulance. “You know he’s tried,” Sam says. “You know he can’t fix something that was wrong when you were born.”

“He can fix Dean.”

“We both know that’s not the same.”

No it isn’t. And it’s not fair of you to put the blame on Cas. You know your condition isn’t something that can be treated with a flick of his fingers. You just wish it didn’t mean you had to be poked and prodded at every check up, wish you didn’t have to be careful about your blood pressure or monitor your breathing, or be careful not to sleep too much.

You let Sam lead you inside, finding Dean in the waiting room. It’s dangerous, having your brothers both here given that most of your family members are considered murderers and criminals, but it’s like Sam and Dean said.

You can’t just not go to the check up, and the only way to have the check up is to be yourselves.

Legally.

“See?” Dean says when you sit down next to him. “Nothing scary here.”

“I’m not scared of the clinic,” you shoot back under your breath. eyes flicking over the other couple of people in the waiting room. “I just hate being here.”

Sam sits next to you, his overly large frame swallowing up the tiny seat. It’s almost funny. “Why? You never used to mind when we were younger. Is it because Dad isn’t here any more?”

Ah, John. To his credit, the man had been dutiful with your medicine and monitoring your physical well being. He hadn’t let you hunt for years. He’d taken you to every check up. He’d cared. 

But once that demon had come back, and he’d taken off and left you with Dean, the invisible injury didn’t exist.

“This isn’t about John,” you say lowly. “And I would appreciate it if you kept your assumptions to yourself until you know what you’re talking about.”

Sam’s knee knocks against your in a wordless apology.

You legs twitches and jumps while you wait, belying your nerves. Dean and Sam are both content to just sit, but you can’t stop fidgeting. It’s not like you have to be here. You had the operation as a baby. You should be fine. You haven’t had any incidents.

You’re fine.

“Y/N Winchester?”

You jerk at the sound of your name, startling both of your brothers in the process. "Christ Y/N,” Dean hisses. “Tryna give me a damn heart attack?”

Sam reaches over and whacks him in the back of the head before you can respond.

The cardiologist runs a critical eye over the three of you before nodding and leading you down the hallway. You follow silently, pressing your hands to your stomach and pushing back into Dean’s space. His hands settle on you shoulders gently, steering you into the room and then lowering you into the seat.

The cardiologist clears his throat and smiles. “Hello Y/N.”

You manage a small, “Hi.”

“You’ve come in for your yearly check up?” The cardiologist, whose name tag reads Jameson, clicks rapidly on his mouse, eyes darting across the computer screen. “Yes, it says here you were born with Pulmonary Artesia, is that correct?”

“Yes sir.”

Jameson hums, clicking some more. Dean’s fingers settle on top of your head and you lean into his side where he stands. “Now, your file says you had a surgical correction procedure done, but you were in hospital for laboured breathing, dizziness and sleepiness a few months ago.”

Sam inhales slowly. “The hospital cleared her though, said she was alright.”

Jameson nods. “Yes, her records say that she shouldn’t be in any particular danger. You were both present during her time in care, yes?”

“Yeah,” Dean says. “And we were right there when she went through all the tests.”

“They said it was because her heart was beating too quickly,” Sam adds, glancing down at you. “Her body couldn’t keep up with the adrenaline and blood flow.”

“I see,” says Jameson and then he starts desperately clicking again.

You lean harder into Dean, biting your lip to stop it wobbling. You don’t like Jameson, don’t like how disinterested he is, how dismissive. He seems like the kind of doctor who’ll put you through more tests just because that’s something he can do, and then he’ll send you on your way.

Dean gently runs his hand down your hair. The tension in your shoulders eases only slightly.

“Doc, not for nothing, but my sister really hates these check ups. Do we have to be here long?” 

Sam shoots his brother an irritated look, but Dean simply looks down at you in answer. Sam’s face tightens in understanding.

Jameson stops clicking and stands, a bland smile on his face. You shrink back into Dean. “Her records say she doesn’t need any tests, so I’ll just take her blood pressure and check her heart beat, and she should be good to go.”

Thank fucking god.

You sit still and silent as Jameson does his thing, trying desperately to keep your eyes on the poster of a cartoon woman and her sick baby. You hate this, you hate this, you hate this. It’s one of the easiest check ups, but you hate it.

You shouldn’t have to go to check ups. You shouldn’t have to be so careful with your life. You shouldn’t have to pull your brothers into this too. This isn’t their problem. They don’t need this extra weight on their shoulders.

“One more thing,” Jameson says once he’s entered his results into the computer. “Y/N, you aren’t doing anything in your day-to-day activities that may cause you to feel overly stressed or anxious?”

Dean and Sam very suddenly seem to find the posters on the walls rather interesting.

You manage a tight smile. “No, doctor.”

Jameson returns the look. “Okay then. Have a great afternoon.”

.

The Impala rumbles to a halt on the side of some nowhere, backwater road where the trees are taller than most mountains. You’re in the front, like you usually are after appointments, and Dean is driving. Sam is in the back, headphones in and eyes closed.

“Spit it out,” Dean says once the Impala is turned off. 

You frown at the dash. “What?”

“Each year, you get more and more upset about your appointments.” Dean squints at you. “Tell me why.”

“You’re seriously quoting Back Street Boys at me right now?”

“Y/N.”

You sigh, looking down at your hands and you twists your fingers around each other. You’d hoped you could avoid this talk, like you do usually, but Dean seems strangely insistent on talking about it. God this family sucks sometimes.

Sam stirs in the backseat before you answer, taking his headphones out and blinking at the both of you. “What’s up?” He says blurrily, yawning hard enough to crack his jaw.

Dean never takes his eyes off of you. “Sis is about to tell us why she hates her appointments so much.”

“I don’t hate the appointments.”

“That’s not what it looked like from where I was sitting.”

“Dean...”

“I just want a simple answer.”

You lick your lips, a nervous tick you developed when you were three that never went away. It’s a fair question, and they deserve the answer, but it’s hard, okay? It’s hard to admit that there’s something wrong with you as a person, that there’s something fundamentally flawed.

Sam leans forward. “Y/N,” he says gently. “There’s nothing wrong with you, you know that right?”

Dean blows out a breath. “Is that what this is?” You flinch, but he doesn’t sound mad. He just sounds so very sad. “Baby girl, your condition isn’t a flaw or a problem. It’s just a part of who you are.”

“Then I’m broken,” you say miserably, splaying your hands slightly. “Okay? I’m not normal.”

“Normal is overrated,” Dean says fiercely. You scoff and start to turn away, but he leans over and pushes on you cheek insistently until you’re looking at him again. “No, Y/N, you listen to me. This doesn’t make you broken, or bad, or unnatural. This doesn’t make you a bad thing. You’ve seen bad things. You’ve seen monsters. You’re not one of them.”

“But I’m not a hunter.”

“You’re our sister,” Sam says softly. “That’s good enough for me.”

[anika-ann]

Errare Humanum Est - Pt.3

What’s in a Name?

Type: series, soulmate AU series  (part 1, part 2)   x Supernatural

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader (past?)    Word count: 1850

Summary: When angel grace fails to deal with an amnesiac, the human ways will have to do. Too bad they are rather slow.

Warnings: swearing, amnesia, Team Free Will being themselves, alcohol

The briefest guide to SPN characters of Team Free Will (at the end of the post)

Story masterlist

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An ominous silence fell on the room, until an annoyed voice cut the air.

“Awesome. Is it like… a black nothing? White nothing? Or…?”

Castiel grimaced at Dean’s wry questions.

“It’s… it’s like a really tight knot, to be honest. The memories, I can feel them there, but… there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m sorry. I couldn’t even get a glimpse. I’m sorry, Natasha. I wish I could be more help.”

Tears gathered in Natasha’s eyes, but she cautiously rose to her feet as if she didn’t trust her strength and took Castiel’s hands in hers.

“It’s alright, Castiel. Thank you for trying,” she whispered weakly, her smile forced. She turned to the brothers then, tugging at the shirt she was wearing. “I… can I keep those, please?”

“Yeaaah?” Sam answered unsurely, not following where she was going with that. “Why would you ask that?”

“I… I think I should go. Thank you-“

That had them all lunging forward, Sam speaking up first.

“Whoa! We’ve been over this. You… we can’t exactly keep you here by force, but you have nowhere to go. No money to live on. Your memory… is not okay. Castiel couldn’t find anything at the moment, but we’ll figure out a way to help you.”

“I don’t want to-to impose. I’ve- I have already-“ she stuttered, but was interrupted by Dean’s sigh.

“Look. I’m not gonna lie, I ain’t happy about babysitting you,” he announced honestly, rising from his seat, gesturing towards her with his beer as he spoke. Sam really hoped he was going somewhere with that talk, because so far, it sounded like he wanted to support Natasha’s decision to leave. “But we had much bigger problems at our hands and much more annoying too. Helping people is kinda what we do. It’s in the family.”

Her eyes were wide as she was watching the hunters and their angel, attentive and observant. She was clearly considering her options, wondering if Dean was being honest. Sam was pleasantly surprised by Dean’s speech to say at least.

She gulped before speaking up, her gaze falling on the floor. “…okay. Thank you. I’ll… I promise to repay you when I can.”

“I’m sure you will,” Sam hurried before Dean could tell something that would creep her out – like ‘having a few ideas about that’. Though Sam was most impressed by Dean’s earlier words.

“Can I just ask you something, Dean?” she quirked up then, the corners of her lips inconspicuously rising.

“Yeah?”

“…do angels count as your family?”

“You-“ the older brother started, only to shut up and realize he didn’t know how to finish. So he only pointed a finger at her in pretended warning.

Sam snorted a laugh. “I think we’ll get along just fine.”

“If you must know, for us, family don’t end with blood,” Dean finally managed to reply and Sam couldn’t help but smile sadly at the memory of Bobby, a man who was an uncle to them, if not a father too. “It’s about the family you choose.”

An honest smile lighted up Natasha’s face, her eyes soft. “That’s nice…. So, where do we start?”

“Well, I should go,” Castiel announced swiftly, casting a glance at Dean, ever dutiful to the righteous man. “I’ll… see if I can find anything on the subject of soulmates I don’t already know.”

“Okay. See ya, Cas.”

“Bye,” Sam hummed absently, his mind already racing, wondering about their next steps.

With a sound of a flutter of wings, the angel was gone. Natasha stared blankly where he had been standing just a second ago.

“…oh,” she huffed, clearly caught off guard. “I didn’t see that coming. I didn’t even say goodbye.”

Sam only laughed at that – she seemed confused, sure, taken aback, definitely, but she was processing everything remarkably well considering what a mess she had woken up into.

“You’ll get used to it. We’re really tired, so we would catch few hours. I was thinking I could lend you my tablet?” the younger hunter offered, pulling it out of his bag and holding it out to her. She eyed it curiously and Sam realized where the problem might be. “I’ll show you how to operate it-“

“I… think I might know, actually,” Natasha admitted sheepishly, biting her lip as if ashamed. Sam couldn’t help the rise of his eyebrows.

“That you remember? You don’t know your name, but you know how to work with this thing?” Dean questioned, his eyebrows high as well. She only shrugged helplessly. Dean spun to Sam then, his face saying just how done he was with this situation. “Brains are weird, man.”

“More so when angels and resurrections are involved,” Sam added, grimacing wryly. Oh, he would know, wouldn’t he? They all would.

“Not wrong there.”

Sam turned his attention back to the woman then, seeing she already turned it on, the screen lit up. Huh. Okay then.

“I just thought you might wanna… look up things. Anything that comes to your mind.”

“Like unhuman things?” she asked half-bitter, half-curious.

“Oh, you don’t wanna look for those. You might find Twilight and Teen Wolf and stuff like that. Not to be trusted.”

Natasha tilted her head to side, not understanding what Dean was referring to, naturally, and Sam rolled his eyes. She reminded him of Castiel for a moment and a new idea struck his mind.

“Natasha, can I take a picture? I’ll run facial recognition… just to see if anyone reported you missing, okay?”

She hesitated, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, but nodded. “…Okay. Thank you, Sam.”

Sam led her to a wall, switching on more lights for better illumination of her face. He snapped a quick photo of her face and started the trace. Dean had managed to tuck himself in already.

“That was… fast. I promise to be quiet.”

“Thanks. Goodnight, Natasha. If you’re tired, just wake up one of us and we’ll leave you a bed, okay?” Sam offered, internally cringing at the idea of trying to fit onto the tiny-ass sofa.

Natasha glanced at the piece of furniture, then back at Sam and at Dean, her eyebrow slowly rising, probably thinking the same thing.

“Sure. Goodnight, Sam. Goodnight, Dean.”

The only reply she got was Dean’s snort. She giggled and Sam rolled his eyes, laying down to his bed, finding a comfortable position – as comfortable as one could find on a motel room bed. He was out in no time.

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Trying to research resurrections would have probably been a good idea. Or ‘how to cure amnesia’ or something like that. But no. Not for you.

The very first thing you wrote down – and really, could anyone blame you since Sam had specifically told you to look up whatever came to your mind – was the word ‘soulmate’.

It led you straight to a world of wonder. There was everything; it started with a definition, mostly matching what Sam, Dean and Castiel had told you.

Then the photos of soulmarks appeared. Some were funny and specific, like ‘Excuse me, but I believe that the dog that just ate my snack was yours,’ or ‘I’m afraid I’m in the wrong class, ‘cause I sure didn’t sign up for Greek mythology’. Others were annoying and general, something between the lines of ‘Can I borrow your pen?’ or ‘Is this seat taken?’. There were few that broke your heart: ‘Please, don’t leave,’ ‘I just got you, you can’t do this to me.’

You weren’t sure in which category your words would fall into; probably very specific and weird for both the crossed ones and the plain ones.

People were looking for their soulmates too. Either via forums, attempting to guess what comeback they would throw when hearing the words on their skin; another option was a few agencies that claimed to be able to find the match; that felt a bit like cheating and you doubted it worked anyway.

What took your breath away and made your heart ache were links to counselling for those who lost their soulmate. It made your chest tight for a very obvious reason, yet so irrational. You might have lost your soulmate, but you didn’t remember it; on the other hand, your other half could be suffering indescribable pain for their loved one, the one they had been destined to spent their life with. For that only, you felt tears gather in your eyes.

Then again, you could have been wrong. As far as you were concerned, you had never had to meet in the first place, and they only had their words crossed out just like yours, left with a dull ache and strange sense of longing.

There were brighter sides to soulmates too – many and many people shared their meet-cute with their destined partner, photos radiating love and adoration, with the subtlest shade of hate in the comments from people who no doubt didn’t have a soulmate to begin with. Because apparently, that was a thing as well; not everyone was bound to have a soulmate, not in the literal sense of the word. The world was a truly strange place.

You didn’t even realize you had started to rub your collarbone, your mind escaping elsewhere. What was your soulmate like? You believed with your whole heart he was one and the same person, saying both of the lines written on you.

Was he sweet? Polite? Or a bad boy? Tall or shorter than you, scrawny or built like a mountain? What colour were his eyes, his hair? Did he have a nice smile, warm and welcoming, or was a grumpy man? An extrovert, an introvert? Was he willing to show affection publicly or was he shy and private? What did he enjoy doing?

What was he doing now? And more importantly… where was he?

You sighed, sinking deeper into the couch. You could wonder, but it would be no help. You needed to pull yourself together, look up things that might be actually useful to you as a human being with amnesia and deal with daydreaming later.

You wanted to remember. You wanted to know your soulmate, but you needed to know your own persona first.

Hell, you didn’t even know your name.

For some reason you had chosen Natasha, but the motivation behind your actions slipped through your fingers, the truth burning on your tongue, leaving a bitter aftertaste as you couldn’t grasp it.

Alright. For now, you would be Natasha. You trusted your instinct on that one, choosing the name despite feeling it wasn’t your own, but still with a purpose.

Figuring out your last name was the next logical step. You couldn’t recall it either, so you just wrote down ‘American last names’ to the browser, waiting for results to pop up. You surfed through them for a minute, your fingers freezing on one particular name.

The name struck something in you, a spark lighting up like a flare in your chest and you knew this was the one you should pick.

You had been brought back from death. And until your true self and your mind would be resurrected, a new person had to be born.

That person happened to be Natasha Rogers.

“Natasha Rogers…” you whispered, barely audible and a smile spread on your lips involuntarily. You liked the sound of that. “That will do.”

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Part 4

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Thank you for reading :-*

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