#cas isn't there that's is why he's everywhere

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log 9

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Worked on the previously mentioned tapestry style painting thing for like 5-6 hours today (with a few breaks in between), and that's just for the border around the main picture lol.. I think all the little sections and detail always take longer than I think they might. But hopefully the final product will look interesting! :0

I feel like I'm entering another Sick Phase where I just am weird/ill/sleepy/having joint pains much of the day (probably some vitamin deficiencies or hormone imbalances or general bodily inflammation or whatever nonsense seems to randomly pop up from time to time lol), so couldn't focus on anything more intensive like writing or editing videos, unfortunately. It's good to have smaller crafts I can do that don't take much mental effort and are just menial hand tasks (like carving, painting, sculpting, etc.), but I still always feel frustrated falling behind on the things I see as much more broadly significant to my overall life and potential career (making games, writing, finishing videos, socializing, costumes, etc.)

Organized my desk a little. Responded to some doctor emails. Paid bills.

Planned out something I might make with pressed flowers tomorrow.

Edited like 4 costume photos.

Also have a lingering sense of dread due to the weather. The heat often makes me feel terrible, and if I'm already in kind of a Bad Phase at the moment, I'm afraid of it making it even worse... stimky..

Which I know these temperatures are nothing to some people but.. to me... aUGHHHH... I am abnormally heat sensitive + live in a dinky old apartment with no ventilation that gets direct sun the hottest part of the day.. on a 90F day outside, it literally gets about 84F inside.. like.. even people who love the heat I feel like would struggle to sleep at night if their bed is 85F lol... hewwo.. You can spray yourself down with water, drink ice water, put a fan on yourself, etc. etc. but.. sometimes it just feels so oppressive and inescapable..

ANYWAY. Aside from painting, feeling weird, and dreading the upcoming heat/contemplating my entire life and how to get enough money to move to a different climate somehow one day/existential exhaustion/etc., I didn't accomplish very much lol

Spent maybe 30 minutes thinking about a little more worldbuilding stuff, and some things in reference to the game I mentioned resuming work on at some point.

Notable sights: The clouds were really pretty and pastel this afternoon, and some stars are visible in the sky for once since the nights are beginning to be clearer. The 'forget me not' flowers that I thought had died after transplanting actually seemed to be perked up and healthy looking today, and perhaps may actually survive. >:3

Goals moving forward: Do new poll adventure post. focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with the ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.

Notable foods: Not much, kind of a warm day so didn't really want to use the oven. No idea how I'll handle the diet I've been put on by my doctors (involves usually cooking all food fresh, using the stove a lot, nothing is supposed to be canned or processed or premade, so that eliminates a lot of 'quick easy simple warm weather' meals, etc. etc.) during the heatwave. I might just have to break the diet a little and hope it doesn't give me stomach pains while I'm already hot and feeling sick lol..

I did have a boiled egg with some green onions on top, which is very simple but was refreshing somehow lol. Another ice cold ginger ale treat today, and some cold prune juice (which I know most people find gross/it's an old person food/etc., but I like that it's a smooth textured and not very sweet juice? Like it's slightly thicker than apple juice, has a lightly bitter taste, etc. I just find it nice for some reason. More evidence I am secretly an 85 year old wizard)

[sweatyracoon]

How Skz Reacts to your Anxious Ticks

A/n: I have a lot of anxious energy, and many ticks, so why not do a Skz react? Should I do more Skz reacts?

Warnings: Lots of anxiety, blood (not a lot), pet names(baby), talk about getting sick, stress eating, implied panic attacks

Bangchan: Foot tapping

You would be sitting with the guys in the changing room before a concert. Even though you wouldn't be going anywhere near the stage, you were a nervous reck.

Your worries started when Chan slipped on stage, faceplanting right before his verse, triggering something in you. Ever since then, you always worried.

There was a small ambiance, the staff and group members talking, offering a noise buffer, but it wasn't enough.

You didn't realize your foot was tapping until you caught Chan's stare. He looked between you and your foot, motioning for you to calm down.

All you could do was pause your movements until his attention drifted to Hyunjin.

You kept tapping.

It wasn't long before Chan made his way to you, ten minutes before the show.

"Y/n. You're doing it again," He told you with a smile.

"I can't help it, Channie," you responded, looking at him. "What if you fall again?"

He looked surprised. "Y/n, that was two years ago," he said softly, sitting next to you.

"So? It could happen again," You were being stubborn. It wasn't like you.

"How about I promise you that I won't fall," he reached out with his pinky, waiting for you to take it in your own.

"But you don't know that," you whined, making him smile.

"Okay, okay. Fine. How about...I promise to be careful?" Now he was just trying to make you happy.

And it worked.

You nodded, slotting your pinky into his, sealing the deal. He ruffled you hair before saying a quick good luck, and left to the stage.

Lee Know: Finger nail biting

You hadn't known the boys long, but you all were incredibly close. Bangchan being your brother, he invited you with him everywhere.

You were particularly fond of Lee know, but he seemed indifferent. He cared about you, but he was expressionless all the same.

He had started picking up on random habits you began to aquire, one of them bring fingernail biting.

It wasn't safe, nor was it healthy, so anytime be caught you biting a nail, he was there, a scolding ready.

Or at least, that was his plan. But when he came up next to you, ready to interfere, you would look up at him, pausing your mission, your finger still in your mouth. His heart nearly stopped.

Instead of saying anything, he would gently remove your fingers by grasping your wrist slightly, moving it your side.

He would do this whenever he had to.

Cooking? He would stop everything, washing his hands before and after touching you. Who care about the food?

If he's doing an interview and sees you chewing behind the camera? He'll find a moment he isn't needed just to halt your habit.

If he isn't anywhere near you, but Felix snitched through text? He would call you just to make sure you weren't really biting your nails.

"Are you biting, y/n?"

"No..."

"I'm checking your nails tomorrow. You better not be lying, jagi,"

Instead of punishing you, however, when he sees your shortened nails, all he does is look at you, your hand still in his.

"You got to stop, jagi," he whispers, massaging your hand.

"I'm sorry, Lee know. It's just hard,"

"I know, baby,"

Changbin: Stress eating

You were a known eater in the group along side Changbin and Bangchan. The three of you? Eatracha(lol).

But when Changbin noticed you eating twice as much, he assumed it was stress. You looked sad while you ate, which was new.

He took it upon himself to eat with you, the same amount, and he felt sick. But he didn't want you to feel alone.

It was when you started to physically get sick that he decided to intervene.

"Y/n? Maybe you should stop..." he told you, rubbing your shoulders.

In tears, you said, "But I can't, Bin. I've tried. It's like my body needs me to eat, but it can't take that much," you sniffled, leaning into his touch.

"Oh, honey. It's okay. We can just lower your portion slowly. That way, you can get used to eating less, but at a healthy pace, okay? Sound good?" He asked, moving up to your neck.

Feeling the pleasure from his rubs made your head loll back.

"Yeah..."

Hyunjin: Finger tapping

He thought it was cute at first. You tapping the table gently, hearing the soft thuds of your dull fingers. You had just cut your nails, so it didn’t seem so bad. In fact, it gave him ideas for music, not that you would notice. Hearing the same beat you had recently tapped yourself, you weren’t focused on it.

A few days went by, and you were still doing it. If your hands weren’t busy, tap. Tap. Tap. Hyunjin wasn’t the only one that noticed. Bangchan and Changbin both noticed as well, and Jeonjin later. They all told you what was going on, but you just played it off as a habit from childhood, despite them knowing you for years and not once had you had this issue.

As your nails grew, so did the tune of the taps. They seemed more aggressive, more painful. You hit the table harder.

One of your nails broke, causing your finger to bleed. You didn’t notice. You kept tapping.

It was just you and Han in the room. He was on his phone, distracted. He became used to the tapping. It didn’t bother him. You stared at the wall, still moving your fingers through the bloody table, while Hyunjin walked in.

A small gasp, and rushed footsteps caught your attention.

“Hyunjin? What’s wrong?” You asked, oblivious.

“Y/n! Your hands!” He was struggling to sit still at the sight of your blood smeared on the table. You finally stopped tapping, at least.

“Oh…” Was all you could say before you heard a scuttling in one of the drawers. It was Han. He had finally noticed, grabbing some bandages. “I didn’t..I wasn’t…”

“What the hell, y/n? Do you not notice what you’re doing?” Hyunjin muttered, grabbing the bandages from Han, moving towards your hand. He gently pulled your hands towards his own, quickly wrapping it to stop the bleeding.

“Han?” Hyunjin said, but Han only nodded. You watched as we went to go get disinfectant and towels to clean up the table. “Y/n? Look at me,”

You did, embarrassed that this happened in front of him. “I’m sorry,” you started tearing up, your shoulders shaking. You were so anxious, but you had no idea why.

His gaze softened, pulling you into a hug.

“I’m here,”

Han: Hair twirling

You hair want too long, so it didn’t really get in the way. But you liked hair, even your own. After touching Hans for the first time a few months ago, you were hooked. But you knew you couldn’t bother him all the time just to mess with his hair, so you started playing with your own. It wasn’t the same, but it was different, in a good way.

Every day, the boys would eye your hands in your hair, and they never questioned it. They thought it was a girl thing. Right?

Three months later, you were anxious. Immediately, your hands went to your hair. Whenever you were upset? Hair. It was so comforting. Even when you were angry. Scared? Cover your face with your hair, and mess with the dead ends. It cured everything.

Han tripped and fell one day right in front of you, and it scared you. It was so sudden. You knew he was clumsy, but the way he squealed reached your ears at full volume. It was too much.

You jumped back a little, bringing both of your hands to pull your hair in front of your eyes, using your thumb to mess with the tips.

“Jisung? You okay?” You asked from behind your makeshift shield.

“Yeah…? Are you?” You heard him giggle, patting himself down. He shouldn’t be too dirty, we were only in the kitchen, after all.

“Yeah…” you responded. You dropped your curtain, but kept your hand in your hair, twirling it quickly.

Han noticed this and his smile slowly dropped, replaying every moment similar to this one. And one thing was the same in each. Your hair. He was always confused on what started it, but it didn’t seem to harm you, so he was fine with it. But now, he wanted to know.

“Why are your hands always in your hair?” He finally asked, not really meaning to.

“Oh? I just like the way it feels. It’s soothing, I guess,” you responded, shrugging your shoulders.

He got an idea, one that will hopefully change your habit. “Wanna feel mine?” He raised a brow, sending a smile to you.

Your eyes brightened, making his heart flutter. “Really?” You asked, both of your hands now free from the prison that is your hair.

Han nodded.

You both ended up on the couch, his head in your lap as you played with his hair, massaging his scalp.

“I need this to last forever,” Han whispered as you rubbed a sore spot on his lower neck.

“Isn’t forever a long time?” You giggled. However, your heart dropped at his next words.

“Perhaps it isn’t long enough,”

Felix: Lip biting

It started really quick into the friendship. They wanted you with them for every show, and every event. That’s how close you were. But the random photos from strangers and invading fans were just too much. Your privacy was no longer private, and it worried you. It started to affect your sleeping, your eating, and your patience.

You became extremely anxious, which didn’t go unnoticed by the guys. They were always trying to comfort you with something, but it never seemed to last. But you smiled, not wanting to worry them.

The lip biting started at night. You couldn’t sleep, and was bored. You didn’t touch your phone, not wanting to see what people say about you and your friends. It was an accident at first. You bit your lip, wincing at the sudden pain. But then your teeth grazed them again, catching on dry skin. It was annoying you, so you just bit it. And kept going.

You stopped drinking as much water just so your lips could dry out, wanting to bite them again.

While in the dance room with the boys, you were biting, starting off gently. You didn’t want to bleed in front of the boys. They weren’t dancing, but just hanging out. They had to shoot an m/v later in the day, so they wanted to relax.

Bite. Seungmin was messing with Jeonjin, making him form a fist. Bite. Chan was talking to Lee know about the choreo. Bite. Han, Changbin and Hyunjin were sitting in a circle, playing a game. Bite. Wait…

You felt something warm slide down your chin. Then you smelt it. Blood.

“Y/n? Oh my god!” You were grateful Felix whispered, not catching anyone’s attention.

He stood quickly, grabbing your hand and taking you to the restroom. He walked into the girls bathroom without a care in the world, which would have made you giggle if it weren’t for this situation.

“Are you okay? Is the cut deep? What happened?” He ran the water, grabbed a paper towel, wet it, and brought it to your lip.

“Mm ‘Kay,” you muffled, the towel hindering your speech. You saw the ghost of a smile form on his own, making you feel better.

When he moved the now red towel, the bleeding had slowed, making you lick them every so often. You looked at Felix and his sad expression.

“It was an accident. I promise. It won’t happen again,” you promised.

“You sure?”you nodded.

After seeing his worry, and how he took care of you, you knew you would never bite your lip again.

Seungmin: Finger popping

Seungmin popped his knuckles, so why did he feel yours was unnecessary and annoying? Were you copying him? Or mocking him? He didn’t know. But when he walked into Hans room, he didn’t expect to see you on the floor, desperately trying to pop your back.

When you felt the need to pop a bone, doesn’t matter which one, you must pop it quickly, or else you start to get anxious. This was one of those moments. You had popped your elbows, your knees, fingers and neck. Lastly was your back, but you couldn’t get this part. It was too low, so turning on the ground wouldn’t work. And neither was pushing your weight down from a higher surface. You were starting to panic.

“Y/n? What are you doing?” You ignored his words, desperately trying to relieve your growing stress.

“Y/n?” He said a bit louder, seeing you glance at him as you started breathing heavier. “Hey! Hey? What the matter?” Now he was starting to worry.

“My back..”

He looked you up and down before asking, “Does it hurt?” He went to place his hand where you were holding, applying soft pressure.

“No. Needs to pop,” You whimpered, making his eyes widen.

“What?” He went to remove his hand, but you stopped him.

“Could you pop it please? I don’t like it,” You pleaded with him.

You two weren’t close, so seeing this side from you shocked him. Still, the sound of your uncomfortable plead was enough to break him.

“Okay. Show me where,” you did, waiting for him to apply pressure. “Ready?” You nodded, and gasped when he pushed down. The loud pop echoed through the room, making him flinch, pulling his arm from you.

Sitting for a moment to feel the relief, you then turned to him. Your eyes shined and you had a soft smile.

“Thanks, Seungmin. I really appreciate it,”

His heart felt like it would burst. He didn’t know what exactly he was feeling, but he knew that if you ever needed him to pop something, he’d be there. So that’s exactly what he said, making you feel the same way.

“Thank you, Minnie,”

“Your welcome, y/n,”

Jeonjin: Rapid blinking

You were a fan in the audience, not jumping like the rest, but paying the same amount of attention. You were an introvert, no doubt, and didn’t show excitement despite feeling it very much. You had a front row ticket, and was right in front of the eight boys you came to love. Your bias, Jeonjin, was right in front of you, singing his part for ‘I Lose my Breath’, literally making you lose yours.

You started blinking, thinking it was the fog machines effecting you, but it was something else. You didn’t know what until it was too late. The crowd pushing behind you, you felt pressure building inside your chest. No one was touching you, thank god, but you felt the presence of the fans. It was suffocating.

You fell into a blinking fit, unable to keep them open, and unable to keep them closed. This had never happened before, but you weren’t surprised. It was a tic. It would take a while to stop it. So, as to not disturb anyone next to you, you tilted your head, looking at your shoes, or at least, trying to.

You kept blinking, not fighting it, knowing it will make it worse. It started to slow when you felt a tap on your shoulder. It came from in front of you. A security guard? You slowly looked back up, your vision fighting the bright lights. Then you stopped breathing.

Jeonjin?

He was standing in front of you with a worried expression. On stage, it was now dance break, meaning he didn’t need to sing. He was making sure you were okay.

Since he saw you, he felt a pull from that stage, making him linger near your area. He saw that you didn’t even have your phone out like the rest, not jumping or anything. Just swaying lightly on your feet while smiling every time he looked at you. You were a calm in the storm. He liked that. And when he saw you staring at the floor for fifteen minutes, he got worried. Did you not like the show? Did he do something wrong? Did his pants rip?

But when he got to you, he noticed your eyes were watery. He didn’t know why, and didn’t need to either. He motioned for your phone from your front pocket, and you slowly gave it to him, thinking he was going to take a selfie, instead, he was typing. Why? You didn’t know. He came close to your ear after giving it back, and said,

“After the show. Don’t look until then,” was all he said before winking, and walking back to his members.

You stood there confused, but focused on the rest of the show.

After you made it to your hotel after thee show, you checked your phone, wondering what he could have possibly left you. Everything looked normal. You were confused. But when you opened your messages, you saw his name as one of the contacts. What?

You opened it, seeing he already texted himself. You gasped, not sure what to make of it. You slowly typed out something, but didn’t send it, unsure if this was real. Thirty minutes later, you saw his bubbles. He’s texting you?!

“You going to send it or just let it sit?”

[nescaveckwriter]

Lighthouse

A/N: 🐞... Okayz my dearest love bugs, 💕 another one done for @jacklesversebingo 🥰 yayaness, I know its been a while though, But I hope y'all are gonna enjoy this one, I must say I'm super proud and, a little terrified as this is 'Supernatural' based 🫣🤭, so let me know what y'all think.🥰 Okayz much love🥰❤️🩷

Warnings: *18+ Only* Horror, Thriller, Mentions of blood, violence, angsty, little fluff, heartbreaking, drama.

Line: Tree, Clock, Rope

Characters: Dean x Fem Reader, Sam, Benny, Cas, Crowley

Words: 6700 😱🫣 I know I'm sorry.

Cover & Pictures: Pinterest, Canva, Google

Side Note: Please check out my Masterlist for more, epic stories🐞💕

The sky has turned into grey, dark clouds threatening too cover the earth with its darkness, the smell of rain is everywhere as it nourishes the earth, as you stand under the pouring rain, listening too him say, goodbye, letting the rain mix with the tears on your cheeks. Not being able too move a muscle, you just stood there unable to make a single sound, unable to ask him why, why after this long, did he want to break up with you, did he want to throw away the life you built. Weren't you enough for him no more,? Is there someone else? Why Now?

The way he said goodbye wasn't with a voice filled with anger, no, his emerald green eyes was sad, his voice almost breaking when he said "I need too let you go sweetheart" and his lips found yours instinctively, it was a soft, kiss, mixed with the taste of him, salt and rain. You didn't want him too leave, you wanted to grab ahold of him, and beg him too stay, but before you could, he got in that Chevy Impala, the engine roared and the tires screeched, as he drove off into the darkness, not a single star in the sky, its almost as if the magic of the moonlight left with him.

Its been a little over three months since he left you standing in the rain, like some dumb country song, but you somehow found a way too move through your everyday life, you were a hunter before you met Dean, and you still are, well in all honesty saving people is the only thing that got you through the days.

It isn't really a job you tell everyone about, oh heck no!, its more a work you keep too yourself, letting your family believe, your just a traveling failure, well you always did kind of feel like you lost your way over the years, but these days your numb. Your best friend Sam doesn't even talk too you anymore, you don't really have a lot of folks who you could call, and say "hey, ya know I'm not really doing well, I need a pick me up or a damn hug" no you always kept too yourself, not trusting anyone, but the day you met Dean and Sam on a hunt it changed.! Sam quickly became your best friend and well Dean soon became the only man you'll ever love, even though he had his issues. And then there was Castiel the angel, he has always felt like a beacon of hope, making you laugh with his "I don't understand that reference" sayings. But the day Dean walked out they all left, leaving you completely alone in this damn scary world. It's not the monsters that scares you, no that you get, but it's the people. Every single person you have met in your life has a hidden agenda, why can't they just be good people.

Sitting at the diner in the small town, were you were investigating strange disappearances, ordering a black coffee, the display with the different pies catching your eye. Your mind wanders off to Dean's birthday... You prepared all his favorite foods, burgers, bacon, fries, the greaser the better, and then you started with the making of his favorite pies. But somewhere along the way you forgot about the pie's in the oven, letting them burn to a crisp, after you rushed in, trying to save what's left of the charred goods, seeing it was disaster, you wouldn't be able to save it, you burst into tears, cussing yourself for messing up what's supposed to be the perfect day, you felt his strong arms pulling you towards his chest, staining his shirt with the wetness of your cheeks. He's breathe hot as he kissed you, in a loving, comforting way, reassuring you everything will be okay, it's just pie's not the end off the world.

He always did know how too comfort you, how too chase the darkness away, he was your lighthouse, so to say, showing you the way, back too the light. And now, now there's no more light too go home. No more home, just nothing.

Taking a sip of the now cold bitter coffee, that kind of taste like, old shoes, not that you'll know how that would taste like, but betting its something like this. Placing the cup down, sliding the dollar's underneath the half full cup on the diner table, you get up, throwing your ball cap on, hair hanging loose on your shoulders, taking your leather jacket and phone, you start too head out of the small town diner.  Walking towards your Harley Davidson, you've always liked the way, that bunch of metal, felt roaring as you sat on that leather seat, the wind rushing through your hair, the way those gas fumes, flowed through your veins, not even to talk about the adrenaline that went with it, oh damn, you felt about your Harley like Dean felt about his impala. Seeing a giant creep checking out your bike, leaning on it, irritation in your voice "excuse, what are you doing?"

His voice rough and unpleasant "why do you care, little missy"

Walking closer, your eyes darker than usual "that's my bike"

The bald man, with his long beard, hiding his tatted neck, started to laugh "No way such a small little thing can handle that sort of horse power"

"I'm only going to ask you nicely one more time, get off my damn bike!"

Crossing his arms in front of him, "Or what? You gonna call the little cops"

"No! I'm going to make you get off my bike"

"I'd like to see you try missy"

She really wasn't in the mood for this. So she tried to shove him off, but he was on the larger side and didn't really move a single damn inch. It just made him irritated "hey come here missy" he said as he grabbed a hold of your arm, you smiled, that made him look at you all confused, but he soon realized, he should not have messed with you, as you took his fingers, and started bending them backwards, bringing the big guy down to your size. With your free hand, you punched the sucker in the face. Got up on your bike, and drove down the road too the nearest bar you could find, for information and while you where there you might as well get something to drink.

The Black Chevy Impala roared as it parked in front of the diner, Dean and Sam got out, a big guy, with a black eye, just got off the ground as they started making their way towards the door, Dean looked at the guy a smirk on his face "What happened to you buddy?"

The man mumbled "crazy biker chick"

Dean just laughed, as he figured this chick was probably part of his gang, as the beaten up guy had a biker jacket with their logo on. He still smiled but he felt stabbing pains in his heart. His sweetheart was a 'biker chick' a swell, she could handle that roaring horsepower better than most men, and man!, was she tough, so fierce and fiery, so passionate and yet so gentle, vulnerable at times, so fragile, she cared more than most, people, and beautiful, so freaking beautiful, her smile could light up a room, he fell hard for her the first time he saw her, and it just grew from there he loved her , he still loved her, but he just had too walk away, for her own safety, everyone close too him get hurt or dies. And especially with everything going on, he couldn't risk it, if someone found out, that she wasn't just another hunter, no she was the love of his life, he'd never forgive himself if something would happen too her. Sam calling his name for the fourth time pulled him out of his deep thoughts, "Hey man, you with me?"

"Yeah, yeah, just thinking I need a drink not coffee"

Sam gave him a sympathetic smile, knowing his brother probably thought of her again, he just nods and says "okay sure let's go"

The only information she got was that, some of the missing folks were last seen close too a pig farm , on the outskirts of this town.

And now, now she just sat here swallowing the vodka, it was easier than too think that Dean aren't coming back, hating how she felt , how alone and miserable, how heartbroken, she really thought that she was stronger than this, but no, she's weak and pathetic, sobbing about a man, a damn man who left her in the pouring rain. What the hell was wrong with her, she never was the kind, to be good little wife material, who would cook for her husband and bake brownies for her children's school, but the sad truth was she wanted too be all that with Dean, she would've gave up hunting, too be his wife and the mother of his children. But clearly he didn't feel the same. Thumbing away a stray tear, she gestures to the bartender , for another. The music was loud and the alcohol made her slightly lightheaded, she knew she needed some air, sliding off the barstool, walking towards the exit, fumbling in her pockets for a packet of cigarettes, she only smokes when she drinks. Some guy, lit her cigarette, she just nods, thanking him with a smile as she stood in the crisp evening air, the air mixed with nicotine hit her lungs, letting a little cough escapes her lips. As she blows out the smoke, she heard that damn Chevy pull in, she couldn't miss it , Dean had a certain way if driving and it was him for sure. She just stood there, frozen in the darkness. "What the hell is he doing here" whispering underneath her breath. Hoping that he doesn't see her, knowing that she will burst out in tears the moment she tried to speak too him.

He wales past a couple of bikes, that's when he saw it, her bike, hard too miss it, on the rear bumper the lyrics of her favorite Bon Jovi song. He elbows his brother "Sam, she's here"

Sam looked at him shocked, "What? Are you sure"

Running his hand over his face "Of course I'm damn sure" clearing his throat "I can't see her, man, I just can't, I've missed her so much, it was hard enough too walk away from her that night, I won't be able to do it again"

Sam places his hand on his big brother shoulder "Don't you think, this whole protection thing your trying is dumb"

Dean's jaw clenched, "No, Everybody around me dies, and there's nothing I can do about it, I have to let her go"

Sam just shook his head, his known his brother felt like this for a while now, but it's gotten worse, his unsure why, but he will try and get through too him, Dean's only been happy, whenever he was with her. "Okay let's go"

Dean and Sam made their way towards the car, they're about to get in when they heard a spine chilling scream , Dean recognized her voice. He searches in the darkness, when he catches a glimpse of four men, throwing her in a black van. He didn't even realized it but he started running towards the van, as the last of them jumped in, he saw a glimpse of her, the last thing he heard, was her screaming his name and a gun shot, which brought him to a stop as he fell to the ground, chanting her name over and over, until his eyes fell closed.

Sam fired his gun towards the van, but couldn't get decent shots from that angle. He fell to his knees next to his brother, glancing at the bullet wound in his chest, the blood gushing out, he applied pressure on the wound, he could feel the life draining from his brother as he begged Castiel to come. Sam's eyes damp with tears, his heart pounding in his throat, a silent scream escaping his lip "Cas, please man, I need you Dean need's you"

You could hear the flutter of wings, when the celestial being landed, his face struck with concern "What happened?"

Sam glanced at the man in the trench coat, holding his brother in arms, "please, just help him Cas"

The angel approached his best friend, there was nothing quite as bad, as seeing him, in pain, placing his hand on Dean's shoulder and Sam's, the three men found themselves in a motel, Dean was still unconscious but breathing, Sam glanced at the angel, mouthing a "thank you"

Traces of the tears still evident on her cheeks as she recalled Dean getting shot, he was there, running towards her, he stilled cared. The four men watched her like a hawk, she cradled her legs in the corner, as if she's a animal trying too hide herself from the prey.

The van came to a stop, she knew something had to be done, so she took the knife she hid in her boots, covered it in her hand, she knew taking all four men was asking to much, so she'll have to isolate them. Take them one by one. The men double, maybe triple her size, but she aren't going down this way, without a fight.

As the two men , opened the door, she saw what looked like a barn, there where cages, with other people inside, seeing she's not the only one that needed saving, she slid the knife back in her boot. She needed more information than this, so she went with it. The man held her by her hair, threw her into a cage which had two other girls probably about round about 16 and 18, and much older man, in his late 60's maybe. Hitting the the floor, scraping her palms.

The older man helped her up, "you okay?"

"Yeah thanks never been better" the sarcasm rolled over her pressed lips.

A big guy, came standing against the cage, with a stupid smug on his round face. "When Ricky there told me about this little woman, who punched him, just for leaning against her bike, I knew I had too throw you in the ring"

She got to a standing position, striding closer, too this gigantic man, "What are you? A human trafficker , organ? What"

He laughed "None of the above, just a business man," he started walking away.

"What is he talking about?" Her eyes intensified "Does anyone know why we are here?"

She heard a man's voice coming from another cage, he was beaten pretty bad, "We are here too fight against each other, like the movie Condemned, apparently it happens in really life" he let out a defeated laugh. The whole barn filled with chatter, people gasping for air, as the initial shock took over. Those who haven't seen the movie, quickly got enlighten by those who have, the rich of the rich, places bets on the person, who they think will survive and it gets streamed on the dark web for everyone to watch.

There's a clock with a timer and the one who have killed all the other 'players' in that amount of time, gets to live another round. Some just cried, the others just quietly, sat in the corners of their cages, holding on too their knees, as if that's going to help, everywhere in that barn there's cages filled with silence and then those with chatter.

Then in the cage she's in, the two young teenage girls just hold on too each other, clinging for dear Life. The grey old guy, just kept mumbling too himself, "I can't kill these people" over and over.

Probably not the most polite thing in this situation but damn, it worked on her nerves, she's trying think of a solution, a plan something to save these people. But she was all out of ideas, to be honest, except maybe one, her back was against the cage, she silently started to talk to Cas, asking him to come and find her, but nothing, he didn't hear or he didn't want too, either way it was up too her.

Glancing down at the ground, then her leather boots she remembered the knife, she could use that too unlock the cage door, then start freeing the others, she took the last bit of hope in her hand, starting to put the blade in, turning and wiggling it, until she heard the click sound, she was overjoyed, she slowly opened the screeching steel door, every noise sounded as loud as thunder.

She could see the different keys, close to the barn entrance, almost walking on the balls of her feet, so that she didn't make a single sound, reaching for the keys, her fingertips barely touching it, she jumped into the air, grabbing ahold if it, she started making her way towards the first cage. Searching for the key that fits, the barn doors flung open, she recognized the guy, Ricky from earlier, and some other dude, who made her skin crawl , "Hey how'd you get out?" Ricky shouted.

"What you can see me?" She joked, something she always did, when she was very nervous.

The other guy ran to her, but she kicked him before he even could touch her, she still had the knife in hand, this big fella didn't say, much, he charged towards her, when that silver blade touched his arm, it made him squirm, "Oh that's just freaking lovely, what are you, a vamp? A wolfie?" She sneered

The moment he showed his, teeth she knew it was a werewolf, the other folks in the cages screamed, as they never saw such a creature.

"So this games rigged? Normal human being and creatures from the night, joining the game"

Surprised the wolf looked at her , a growl "your a hunter?"

Mischievous smile on her lips "why would you say that?" The wolf growled once again, as he charged towards your position, clawing your back, as he flung you against a cage, everything is swimming before her eyes, all you could make out was that she was flung against the beaten up man, he had the bluest eyes, which kind of reminded her about Castiel's eyes.

The wolf like creature came closer, looking for your blood, that's when the man stood up, black coat drenched in blood, unsure if it was his own, or some of the creature's his killed, the last time, his blue orbs, illuminated, bloodshot veins stretched like a roadmap in his eyes , his fangs came out revealing that his a vampire.

Laying there, you where left at the mercy of these two, but you were surprised when the vamp, took ahold of the wolf, smashing his head against the bars, he had this deep old time southern voice "leave her alone"

The man, glared at her and the vamp, picking her up, letting her sway like a sack of potatoes in the air. Ricky quickly came to open the cage, throwing her in by the vampire, "You can have her".

Knowing the open wounds made the situation worse, as it was like a magnet for the vamp, she tried too get up, too defend herself but, in that moment she was too weak.

The vamp, came closer towards her, his features returned to those of a man, his voice kind "I'm not going to hurt you, I'm Benny"

Shocked "Benny, like in Benny Lafitte? Dean's friend?"

He smiled, "I thought I recognized you, saw you once on his lock screen, asked him about this new women in his life, he told me you are the love of his life"

Smirking, "Yeah that's awhile ago I guess"

Confusion written all over his face, but before he could ask, the barn filled with gas, hearing Benny say "its to knock us out so they can take us to the next location" before you could find out more, the knock out gas started taking its toll.

His eyes flutter open, Sam and Cas both sharing the same concerned facial expressions, his voice croaky "what did something happen? Is.." struggling to form the words "is she gone?"

Sam spoke quickly, trying to reassure his big brother "No! We don't know, Cas can't pick up her location"

 Cas spoke "Wherever she's at, must be warded off with sigils"

Dean groaned when he sat up, "we have to save her, I can't loose her"

The three of them turned their heads when they heard the familiar phrase from Crowley "Hello Boys"

Dean immediately got up, pointing a finger at him, "Do you have something to do with her disappearance, tell me now!"

 Crowley gave him a sympathetic look, that lasted about an second "Squirrel I had nothing to do with her, but I know where you can find her"

Dean could not control the anger that intensified in his chest, he smashed Crowley against the nearest wall, his arm pressing against his throat his forest green eyes pierced the black ones, his voice low, and stern "Crowley if your messing with me, I will kill you, I swear I'll kill"

 With the flick of Crowley's fingers Dean flew across the room, he shouts, this whole situation clearly upsetting him as well. "She saved my damn life, why would I want something to happen to her, she cared enough to save me, ME!!!" Crowley shouted.

Sam hurried to help Dean up, recalling the saving Crowley is talking about, he was stuck in a devils trap, bounded with chains around his hands and neck, as some other hunter took out all his anger on Crowley, stabbing him over and over, when she came in, tried talking the man down, but he didn't see any reason as he thought Crowley was to blame for the death of his family, but he wasn't, he had nothing to do with it. As she was talking to this guy, she slowly started  to scratch the round red chalked circle on the floor with the heel of her boots, so that Crowley can break free, the line was finally broken, by clicking his fingers the chains shook loose and fell into a thousand pieces, the other hunter saw what she did, ran towards her, pushed the blade right through her upper torso. That's when Dean and Sam ran into, her for the first time, they where hunting the hunter who they thought was possessed but turns out he had such an amount of rage inside him, that whom ever got in his way, he'd kill.

Dean's harsh voice pulled Sam out of his thoughts, "Where is she Crowley"

"Well not only her , but other people as well, even Werewolves and vampires, you named it they have it, I know the location, but we have to go now," he clears his throat, "there's only one snag, neither can I nor Cass get in their, the damn sigils on the barns wall, wont let us through"

Dean's already halfway across the room, towards the door, "what are we waiting for"

In a matter of seconds the four of them stood In front of the barn on the pig farm, Sam is busy discussing a plan of action but Dean, already pushed the barn doors open, "what the hell Dean" the loudness in Sam's voice makes Dean face him, but he just shakes him off, not answering, too determined to safe her, he walks in, gun in hand, ready for anything, everywhere you look, all the cage doors stands open, not a single trace of anyone, something glistening on the floor catches his eye, its a rose gold chain with a heart shaped locket, he didn't need to turn it around, to see the engraved 'love you always D.W' to know its hers, he opens it anyways, glaring at the picture, both off them laughing, the way they looked at each other, you could feel the electricity, the love they shared, he folds it closed in his fisted hand, his eyes damp with emotion. He runs outside, punches Crowley straight in the face. Cas takes ahold of Dean's arm's demanding him to stop. The defeated look on his face is too much too bare for the three men looking at Dean, disappointed and unsure where to look next they start looking around the farm for clues, for something that can give him a glimpse of hope.

The strong sunrays, burning her eyes, as she opens them, the pain from last night's fight, let's her realize what's happening, she tries too move, but can't, searching for the reason, she sees the rope wrapped around her arms, and waist, too a tree, she tries too wiggle, to get out off the tight grip, that's when she hears a ticking of a clock tick-tock, tick-tock, it sounded incredibly loud, looking up to where the sounds came from, seeing giant speakers blaring the sound of a clock. A rough unpleasant voice spoke, game rules: "Everything goes, you can use any weapon you can find, to kill your opponent, and also remember the last one standing gets too live" he lets out a snotty laugh. "Oh yes, and contestants, we made the first kill very easy, if you can find contestant five, she's tied up and ready to kill, oh and give us a show" he laughs harder, then all of the sudden its dead silence, figuring she's contestant no: five, she'd better think of something to get out if this situation. Her words barely a whisper, "I don't even know why I try, but Cas are you there, Crowley, can someone hear me? Please I need someone"

The rustling of the leaves, let's her know there's someone, maybe it's Cas or Crowley, maybe its someone's who wants to take her as their first kill.

The large man with his black coat walks towards her.

He's voice hushed, "let me get you outta here"

"Oh darn, I'm so thankful its you Benny"

As he unties her, they hear rustling in the bushes, he hands her a knife, and they stand ready for action, back against back, three people came closer, it's the three she shared the cage with, she and Benny suggested they walk behind them, so that the two of them can protect them.

The further they walk the more danger they seem too run into, Benny takes the most werewolves, windigos and Leviathan's , as for you, you take most of the other human beings, who wants to attack the two teenage girls and old man.

You are bruised, beaten and torn up, unsure if your body is covered in your own blood or those of the enemies, you keep on going, grateful, that you had these people to protect, because if you had to be honest, if it weren't for them, you wouldn't fight so hard to survive, every now and then you get flashbacks of how Dean got shot, knowing it was fatal, you don't want to allow yourself to think that he could be really gone, there's this glimmer of hope that he might still be alive, maybe Sam helped him, maybe Cas or Crowley.

 Resting against a tree to catch your breath, you see the blood gushing down your arm, one of the men came at you with a damn axe, and in the fight he threw the axe towards you, pinning you against a tree, it must've been the adrenaline but you wiggled that axe, out of you arm, screaming while throwing it back at him, which ended up between his eyes.  You fell too your knees, the emotion welling up behind your eyes, you get caught off guard when someone or something picks you up in the air. A little weak, and confused all you can see is that your draped over the large man, with multiple tattoos shoulder, it didn't take long, too lose consciousness.

Dean could not believe what he just heard, both Cas and Crowley told him, that they heard you call out too them, they knew where you were, you where caught in Purgatory, damn Purgatory. What the hell is going on. It felt like someone took his very last breath. His been too Purgatory, It's no joke for sure, it changed him, the only person who made him whole was her, his sweetheart and now, now she's going through all of that.

Crowley spoke with his people, which revealed, that the one and only Dick Roman sits behind it all, with a connection in the real world, who takes normal people, of all ages just to make money, and feed his obsession of killing people.

His quiet, as he drives too the place where the portal opens to Purgatory, thinking about all the things there, so many monsters, dangers around every corner. He just hopes, his going to make it in time, she just has too be okay, has to be alive, squinting his eyes as he recalls what he had too do, too survive.

"Sweetheart you awake?" Rolling over too the right side of the bed, emerald green eyes looking back at you, "Baby?"

"Why do you look so surprised sweetheart"

"Uhmmm I'm not really sure, it feels so right yet so wrong" she smiled

Without a single word, Dean cups your face, places his lips on yours, its sweet, it's sensual, yet filled with passion. Breaking the kiss, you look at him, studying his face, the speck of hazel around the black pupil, the way, his freckles runs across his nose, almost like the milky way, the corners of his mouth, that is slightly curled in a smile, his plumps lips, that's slightly swollen from the kiss, the little stubble on his chin and cheeks, the way his jawline just kind of frames his picture perfect face, the way his deep smoky voice fills the air, and your body with a exhilarating energy, "Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked.

Your voice barely audible and brittle, "I just love you, I love you more than life itself"

 His voice calm, but certain "Marry Me"

Your jaw dropped, "What?"

He started to kiss your lips softly, his breathe hot as he said "Yes babe, I want you to be my wife?"

Searching his eyes your lips crept upwards into a smile, your voice sounded more brittle than you intended "Yes, yes Dean Winchester, I'll marry you"

The joy dancing in his green eyes, made you happy, even though a few stray tears rolled over your cheeks.

Feeling like your walking on cloud nine, then all of the sudden, you get this sharp pain in you ribs, unwillingly your eyes flutter open, gasping for air "what the hell?"

Looking around you, seeing your in some kind of room, chains around your wrists, hanging from what looks like the ceiling, clothing blood-soaked. Hair sticking to your face, sweat mixed with blood. Your feet barely touching the floor, it feels as if your arms is getting pulled out of their sockets if you move to much, your throat dry, realizing you must've been passed out, it wasn't really a dream, more like a memory, Dean did ask you too marry him, and then outta nowhere, two days later, you where left standing in the rain, the tears streaming down your face, unsure if it's about the way Dean left things, or the situation your currently thrown in.

Sighing, whispering to no one really "I'm tired, I'm so tired, I can't anymore and I don't want to anymore" head hanging down, looking at the floor, closing your eyes, wishing all this could be over, you heard heavy footsteps, laughter filling the dark air.

His voice smooth "All this turned out better than I could've imagined"

Confused you glare at him "okay, fine you win, get it over with"

Walking closer towards you, big smug on his face, "see, I can't deal with you yet, I know who you are" getting angrier now "I'll finally get my revenge, Dean will watch you die, he wanted to send me here, now I will take something precious from him"

Shocked to hear that he thinks Dean is still alive , she plays along maybe, it's her way out, Scoffing "Well sorry to hear you think he'd be coming to look for me, because we aren't together no more"

He laughs, "oh no, he is already here, searching for you, my men left him a little bread trail, as to where you are"

Furious now, you shake, trying to get loose, shouting "You leave Dean alone, kill me , but let him go please"

Clapping his hands together, "Ah, young love" he laughs harder "I am going to kill you, but Dean needs to watch, then I'll kill Sam, Cas and even Crowley, all while Dean has to watch"

Eyes wide, barely audible "They're all here"

His smug smile never leaving his face "oh yes, all of them, clearly they care, its so pathetic, you humans, you know that?"

Squinting her eyes, trying too fight the tears threatening to spill over, you care about all of them, more than you care to admit.  He just simply walks out of sight. The silence is deafening, the only thing she can hear is her heart racing, Dean's alive, he came looking for her. Somewhere between the excitement of hearing Dean's alive and the spine chilling silence, she lost consciousness.

 They hardly had too beat the crap out of some of the men, on their road to this half torn down, factory like building, all of them agreed, it felt like a trap, but Dean didn't give a damn, he needed to find her, save her and bring her home, he has been cursing himself internally, the whole damn way, if only he didn't freak out, but the moment he realized he wanted to marry her, be her husband, wishing he never said that, went on that hunt, saw how that ghost threw her against the wall, the pain she must've felt, he couldn't bear the thought of her getting hurt or worst getting killed, just because that's what he did, so saying goodbye, felt like the best thing to do, hoping she'll give up hunting, but he should've known better. He should have stayed by her side, he should have discussed his fears, the way he felt, but instead he went and broke her heart.

The four of them split up, there's to many halls, and doors too search, mostly the halls are filled with darkness, its filthy and disgusting, dried splattered blood on the walls, scattered human bones on the cement floors. There's scratching sounds coming from one of the rooms, the gun in Dean's hand is loaded, opening the door, unsure of what he's going to find, he's skin crawling as a bunch of rats, runs past him, some over his feet, slapping against his legs, whispering underneath his breath, "damn filth". He's heart, beating out of his chest, the more he walks in the darkness the more he can feel the darkness entering his mind, his heart, every grain of his very being.

He stopped in his tracks, the moment he saw her, hanging by chain's, her whole body is slumped over, hair covering her face, he can't make out if she's still breathing, for what felt like an eternity, he froze, almost too afraid to take a closer look. Striding closer till he's right in front of her, he gently takes her face in his hands, concern painted on his face, a burning pain in his chest, her beautiful face is bruised, and bloodied, her breathing faint, but still there, his voice hushed "Sweetheart, can you hear me"

Watching her open her eyes, was a beautiful site, she looked tired, a smile across her busted lips, "Dean,"

"Yes sweetheart I'm here, I'm sorry, I love you" he declared.

Sobbing now, "I... I thought I lost you forever"

"Baby, you'll always have me, always you hear me" he pleaded

Before she could answer a couple of men appeared out of the shadows. There were maybe six or seven, Dean got up, in a fighting stance ready to beat the crap out of them, he started punching and kicking his way, through the men, it wasn't until the last one hit the ground that he'd stop, blood splatters across his face, glancing over at her, he hears the familiar voice of Dick Roman "crashing the party are we?"

"Yeah well I didn't receive an invite so thought I'll invite myself" Dean smirked. He drew his gun, knowing it won't really help, but it's more a habit, "What do you want?" He questioned

Crude laughter fills the air, "I want you to pay Dean" he snapped his fingers, more men came running towards Dean, he tried his best, but he was one against, all of them, they over powered him, one clocked him against the head, in his unconscious state, they were tying him to a chair with chains, facing you.

It didn't take long before they were beating you, biting your lower lip, not wanting to give them the pleasure of seeing you in so much pain, you could taste the blood on the tip on your lip.

Dick Roman came walking towards you, dagger in hand, hoping he couldn't see the pain, and fear in your eyes, your eyes pierced his, he didn't say a single word, he pushed that dagger, through the skin and bone, wedging it between your ribs. Your scream filling the dark room.

Dean's eyes flung open, he's jaw clenched, he's voice angered and defeated "NO BABE" he shouted.

"Ah poor Dean Winchester" he laughed

Dean's green eyes, now almost black, "I'm going to kill, I promise you that"

Laughter filled the air, once again, it didn't last long though, surprised he glanced at them, Sam, Cas, Crowley and Benny, all four off them stood their bloodied and beaten, but ready to fight. All four of them started fighting and killing their way towards Dean and you, Crowley was the first one to stand next too Dean, his British voice almost inaudible "This belongs to you" he's face lit up with a sly smile.

Dean looked at him all confused, "I thought you threw this in the sea somewhere"

Crowley just shrugs his shoulders. The moment he placed that blade in Dean's hands he could feel the mark, turning a fiery red, the power pulsing through his veins, it didn't take long for the effects to take control of him, breaking loose out of the chain's, he faces Dick Roman, a smirk on his lips, he's features darkens. Taking that blade right too his chest, he kept going over and over, not stopping for a second, driving the blade further and deeper into his now lifeless body.

Sam tried to make him stop, even Cas, Benny and Crowley, but it didn't work.

Your voice brittle, revealing the pain, "Dean stop, please Baby"

Immediately stopping, he threw the blade down, running towards you, his eyes pleading, his voice soft "Sweetheart I'm so sorry" cupping your face, kissing your lips, holding you close to him, as Cas and Sam unlocks the chains, your body went limb, all you could feel is his hands holding you upright. Staring into his emerald green eyes, mouthing "I love you" the last thing you catches a glimpse off, was the light in his eyes as he replied "I love you too, Sweetheart, come back to me, come home please"

 It's been almost three years since that dreadful day, smiling now, if it weren't for Dean begging Cas to save you, you wouldn't be here baking your husband his birthday pie, getting ready for the barbeque, with your good friends Sam, Cas, Benny and yes even dear old Crowley.

Did you and the Winchester Brothers stop hunting, no, of course not, but the two of you have each other and that's all you'll ever need, whenever your lost, knowing Dean's your lighthouse showing you the way home, with those beautiful green eyes.

[grandmother-goblin]

When Soap Isn't Enough

Ao3 - Masterlist

Summary: No matter how many times Astarion scrubbed himself down, he just couldn't feel clean. So he accepts Cas's offer to help him out.

Relationships: Astarion x Female!Tav

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 2.4k

Tags: Hair washing, references to past trauma, non-sexual nudity.

Astarion tilted his head back onto the lip of the bathtub and closed his eyes, enjoying the heat of the clean water and the soothing aroma of lavender scented bath oil. It was technically his second bath of the evening. The first one had been dedicated to ridding himself of so much filth he was surprised he was allowed through the doors of the Elfsong. The second was just for his own sanity.

As if traversing the sewers beneath Baldur’s Gate wasn’t bad enough, some lunatic had summoned an army of grease mephits and one thing led to another and… well, Gale blew them up. But not before one of them managed to slime Astarion head to toe. Blinded and covered in grease, the little bastard then shoved him into a puddle of sludge. But everyone was so concentrated on surviving the encounter, Astarion did not have time to feel embarrassed about his condition.

The only thing Cas could offer him on the long walk back to the Elfsong was a cloak and a few rags to wipe himself up. It wasn’t nearly enough, but it was better than nothing and he appreciated the gesture.

He was also grateful that Cas had gotten them a separate room from the others. It meant that fewer people got to see him in such a state, and he enjoyed the privacy it afforded him and Cas for several reasons.

The space wasn’t very big. Beside the washroom, all their room had was a bed big enough for two and a dresser to keep their belongings. But it was cozy. Rich wood tones and warm lantern light gave the place a very homey feel. He kind of liked it.

Astarion splashed a bit of water on his face. No matter how many times he scrubbed himself down, he still felt the grease. It wasn’t there. He could see it wasn’t there. But, somehow, he still felt like he couldn’t get clean.

“Astarion?” Cas called from the outside the washroom, her voice just loud enough to hear through the thick wooden door. “Do you mind if I pop in for a second? I just want to grab my hairbrush. I promise I won’t look.”

He rolled his eyes. “Darling, you’ve already seen everything,” he said and picked up the bar of soap again. “The door’s unlocked.”

Cas slipped into the room and shut the door behind her. Though he really didn’t mind if she looked, she kept her eyes off of him. Instead, she made a beeline for the vanity and quickly found her hairbrush. “Are you starting to feel better?”

“Mostly,” he said and began to scrub his arm with soap again. “But I still feel like there’s grease everywhere. On my skin, under my fingernails, in my hair. I’m sitting in water and I’m still probably flammable.”

There was a soft snort of laughter. “Want to try washing with some vinegar?”

The suggestion made Astarion’s lip curl with disgust. “I’m trying to smell better, my love, not worse,” he said and started washing his other arm. “Though if you have any more of that lavender scented shampoo, I wouldn’t say no to that.”

“Of course,” Cas replied brightly and retrieved the bar of shampoo from her toiletry bag. “Do you have any interest in letting me wash your hair for you?”

Astarion’s brow drew together as his hand paused mid-scrub. “Wash my hair?” he repeated back dumbly. “Why?”

She shrugged. “It feels good and I want to,” she said as if it was the simplest thing in the world. “No pressure. Just thought I would put the offer out there.”

“I— Why are you like this?” he asked, making her laugh again. “You know how I feel about you being too nice to me.”

It was a conversation they had countless times in a dozen different ways. The answer was always the same, but he still struggled to wrap his head around it. It was because she cared about him. She cared about him in a way that no one else ever had. With patience and respect, but willing to stand her ground with him when she needed to. Even if she flooded him with sweet gestures, they all came from the heart.

For Cas, one of the main ways she showed affection was through physical touch. Due to his complicated feelings towards sex and other such activities, they decided to have a more caste relationship for a while. Given how frequently they found themselves tangled in blankets during the early stages of their relationship, Astarion thought Cas would have some difficulty with the change.

But she didn’t.

It had been almost a month, and Cas never once tried to pressure him into anything more. Though there were a few instances where their kisses turned a little too heated, she never had a problem with pulling back. Never got upset with him for denying her the physical pleasure she so clearly craved.

Of course, Astarion didn’t hold it against her. She still had certain needs, and he was glad that she didn’t try to deny that for his sake. But he was also glad that she respected his wishes and didn’t try to guilt him over his decision.

Cas held out the bar of shampoo to him and said, “Up to you.”

“Fine,” he replied, sounding about as enthusiastic as a teenager who had been told to wash dishes. “Just try not to get soap in my eyes.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to get soap in your eyes,” she said as if he were being completely ridiculous. Then she pulled the stool in front of the vanity over to the tub and took a seat behind him. “Sit forward a bit so I don’t get water outside the tub.”

A little reluctantly, he did as he was told, letting his arm rest atop his bent knees as casually as he could. Yet, despite his outward demeanor, his stomach knotted and his throat tightened. He couldn’t quite place why.

Cas had seen him naked plenty of times between changing his clothes in front of her or when they went to bed together. So it wasn’t his nudity. 

Maybe it was just the position.

Naked, vulnerable, with his back presented to someone seated behind him. His teeth clenched as his fingers dug into his leg, hidden beneath the soapy water. He exhaled, but tried to make the sound seem bored or impatient instead of a calming exercise. It wasn’t Cazador, and there wasn’t a knife. It was Cas, and a fucking bar of soap.

He needed to pull himself together.

“Close your eyes for a second,” Cas said as she dipped a cup into the water.

As soon as he closed his eyes water cascaded over his hair and down his neck. It was warm and soothing. Then she poured another cup of water on him, slowly, until every bit of his hair was dripping wet. 

Ever so carefully, Cas ran her fingers through his hair and pulled it back away from his face. A little smile came to his lips. “How would you feel if I started slicking my hair back?”

“I have no opposition as long as you don’t use so much product that your hair looks crunchy.”

He furrowed his brow. “Crunchy?”

“Like Raphael’s.”

“His hair looks more greasy than anything.”

Cas hummed, sounding skeptical, and lathered up the bar of shampoo. “Take a closer look next time he slithers out of Hell. I bet if you touched it it would sound like a crumpled newspaper.”

“I’m not risking getting grease on myself again to find out what that devil’s hair sounds like,” he said, sounding indignant even as he wanted to smile.

It was funny how that worked. One second he was slipping back into one of his worst memories, and then the next Cas was making him want to laugh. It was so easy. It felt almost natural. That whenever he began to slip into darkness, she was always right there ready to direct him towards the light. Sometimes without trying at all.

Cas tilted his head back gently and began to work her soapy fingers through his hair. She started near his hairline, rubbing her fingertips in tiny circles as she worked her way over his scalp. It felt nice. Really nice.

Soon, Astarion found himself closing his eyes. The smell of lavender, the warm water of the bath, and a soothing massage relaxed the bundle of anxiety in his belly. Most of it, at least. Even though he knew in his heart that Cas wouldn’t take advantage of him, he couldn’t completely suppress that twinge of fear.

Part of him still expected Cas to push him. To trail her fingers down his chest, or to dip her hand beneath the water and tread even lower. Cas had never done something like that, and he didn’t think she ever would, but the worry lingered. That, somehow, this kind and sweet woman he knew was just a facade. That Cas was just like everyone else who wanted him just for his body.

Cas placed her hand just above his brow and said, “Keep your eyes closed.” Shielding his face the best she could, she washed away the shampoo. Between each rinse, she massaged his scalp and combed her fingers delicately through his hair. 

“I think I got all the grease out,” she said and dunked her hands in the water to remove the lingering suds on her skin. “I have a light oil for your hair if you’d like. It smells nice and it’ll make your hair soft and easy to comb.”

It sounded wonderful. Especially the thought of her fingers gliding through his hair again as he melted into her touch. But his stomach knotted, and he shook his head. “I think I’m alright, my love,” he said and placed a kiss on the back of her hand. “Thank you.”

If Cas was at all disappointed by his refusal, it didn’t show on her face. She just gave his hand a little squeeze. Then she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his damp forehead and said, “Any time.” 

With that, she dried her hands off on a towel hanging over the edge of the tub and put the stool back under the vanity. Then she picked up her hairbrush and started towards the door. “I’ll see you in a bit,” she said and gave him a smile before she left the room.

Astarion sighed once he heard the door click shut behind her. For reasons he couldn’t quite explain, he already regretted turning down her offer. If her shampooing his hair was anything to judge by, it would have been just as nice and relaxing. Maybe they could even talk about something else as ridiculous as what sound Raphael’s hair would make. Who knew? He certainly didn’t because he had let his fear get the better of him.

Yet Cas was patient and she didn’t seem to take it personally. There was just only so much touching he could handle before his train of thought ventured down a dark path. No matter how he tried to redirect it towards the light, he wasn’t always in control, and his mind went there anyway. As frustrating as it was, and though he knew he was safe (or as safe as he could be) with Cas, two centuries of conditioning didn’t go away overnight.

Still, he was getting better. Little by little. And Cas was there with him for every step of the way.

After he scrubbed his body down with soap one more time, he drained the tub and toweled off, finally feeling like all the grease was gone. His hair especially felt good. His hair was still a little damp when he changed into his pajamas. 

Cas had gotten the pajamas for him as a gift, and thought neither of them slept, they were soft and nice to lounge in while he did his trance. Just simple, loose, burgundy pants and a stretchy, long-sleeved, gray shirt. Nothing fancy, but he didn’t really need fancy so long as he was comfortable. 

When he exited the washroom, he found Cas lounging on the bed clad in her own pajamas, a pencil in hand as she jotted down something in her journal. She glanced up at him and gave him a soft smile. Like she was simply happy to see him. It still felt so strange, no matter how many times she gave him that look. “Feeling better?” she asked, closing her journal to give him her full attention.

The mattress dipped as Astarion sat beside her. He used the movement to tuck her against his side, his arm wrapped around her lithe frame and her head tucked under his chin. “Much better, darling,” he said and rolled onto his back and pulled her fully on top of him. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever had someone wash my hair like that before”

She pushed up with her hands on either side of his head, relieving him of some of her weight. “How did you feel about it?”

He shrugged. “I wouldn’t be opposed to doing it again,” he said as he let his hands wander from her ribcage, to her hips, down to lightly grip her upper thighs. “Perhaps, next time, you might join me in the tub.”

Cas smiled at him. “I don’t think we’d both fit.”

“Not with that attitude,” he said, earning himself a laugh because she was right. Even if the idea sounded nice, there was no way they could both fit comfortably. “I bet this place has a room with a bigger tub. They have to, right? For half-orcs or goliaths or other massive folk. Those would surely fit two little elves.”

She hummed. “If you want to ask the owner to switch rooms, be my guest,” she said, effectively putting the ball in his court. Leaving the decision up to him, with no real pressure one way or another. 

“I bet they’d have bigger beds too.” He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and pulled her down for a kiss. Something chaste and sweet, and he could feel her smiling into it.

Gods. He might very well be in love with her.

“I’ll ask about it tomorrow,” he said. Despite his earlier nerves, it was something he still wanted to do. Especially with Cas. It might be good for him, he thought. Just a small way to be intimate with her that didn’t involve sex.

It would take more than just soap to wash away all of his complicated feelings towards intimacy. Perhaps, he would never be rid of it entirely. But it was a start.

That was something.

[profoundbondfanfic]

Not your Fault

Not your Fault by orphan_account Rating: Mature Word count: 43k

Castiel has been directed by some hand of his Father to be here. He knows this. He knows it would be wrong to leave. And he knows there is something here for him. But an Omega auction house isn't anyplace the Angel of the Lord would have expected himself to be. Especially kneeling in front of this bruised, battered, green-eyed Omega who is looking everywhere but him. But the hand of his Father continues to tug, to pull him in the direction of this strange, sad-looking Omega. . . Oh boy.

Of course there's a reason why Castiel felt that tug. He might be an angel, but he is certainly not impervious to human biology, nor to fate. However, while in most stories we find a sort of friendly Cas who is only eager to help, things are a bit different here, making things really interesting and adding that spike of angst to the story. But worry not, he is quick to realize the error of his ways, not allowing himself to be driven by his upbringing. The way Dean is portrayed in this story is so deep, so heavy that one can almost feel it. It's like his inner omega could sense there is more to Castiel (and I am not talking about the guy being an angel). It is driving Dean to do these things he wouldn't normally do and it makes one excited to see the outcome. The attention to some details is poetic, and so is the way their relationship slowly develops. Cas seems uncertain of what he is to do and how he is to act, and Dean I a bit confused, but still so wary of him while also feeling so drawn. Still, there are moments when Castiel relapses to what he's been taught and then there are moments when Dean regresses to his slave persona. It's not like someone just flipped a switch and they are trauma-free now, no. It's definitely a process. And while there is some background plot, and an amazing brother Lucifer in the mix, this story is centered on emotional and mental growth as well as overcoming one's fears and the confines that the society enforces. Lastly, I leave you with a quote from the story that impacted me the most. We all need a Castiel in our lives.

"You are a person, no matter what gender or species. You're special, just like everyone else in their own way." Dean's eyes filled with tears again. "I d-don't understand." Castiel smiled sadly. "You don't yet. But you will," he promised. "I'll show you."

[scoobydoodean]

Ah.. opening scene to establish that Dean is being bossy and dragging Sam everywhere and not respecting his input... right?

Let's dig a little deeper.

Dean suggested maybe they could ice the Devil in 5.01 (then after admitted to Sam that he said that for Bobby's benefit, though he isn't giving up, he's skeptical). Sam (5.01) and Castiel (5.04) said The Colt is the way to do it. So Sam and Dean have spent an entire three weeks chasing dead ends on The Colt since they met back up. I think it's likely they spent most of that time holed up in motel rooms looking at their computers, conferring with Bobby and Cas over the phone, and physically chasing down leads, cramped up in the car for hours at a time. In other words, no privacy, no space, and a type of research grind that's much more Sam's speed than Dean's.

Based on how Sam talks here... doing those tasks for that long with no break was his idea. This is a thing Sam is very prone to do also. He gets a path in his head and he NEEDS to follow it and keep the momentum going. When Sam gets like this, he doesn't care if they have nothing but dead ends over and over, and he historically becomes extremely critical of Dean wanting to take a breath and do something else for a while instead of continuing to chase their own tails (1.03, 1.10, 1.11, 1.20, 2.10, 2.18, 3.14, 4.11). So while this episode opens with Dean putting his foot down, it seems like it's actually because Sam, someone Dean doesn’t feel great around at this point in time (5.01, 5.02, 5.03, 5.04), has spent the last three weeks having his interests catered to, and everything he wants to do leaves Dean trapped with him almost perpetually in tight quarters when Dean isn't actually ready to be spending this much time with him again.

After three weeks, Dean simply finds a run-of-the-mill case and says "Let's go," and Sam apparently doesn't object until they're almost there, and in the car. Dean saying they need training wheels is telling in terms of how he feels about how the last three weeks have gone, and Sam twisting Dean's words to be about HIM needing training wheels and not their relationship tells you exactly how unproductive any discussion on this will ever be (as does the rest of the episode).

What really cinches the fact that Dean wants a break from Sam for me though is the way that Dean chooses to make his escape attempt and finally get some space. After insisting on going under the car to look at the engine number even though it's making him nervous, Dean uses the fact that he put his life at risk to do it to justify taking a break, and tells Sam to hit the books in a way that's clearly bossy:

DEAN Find out who owned it. Not just the last owner, you gotta take it all the way back to nineteen-fifty-five. SAM That's a lot of research. DEAN Well, I guess I just made your afternoon.

Where does Dean go? To a bar, to sit alone by himself, nursing a beer. After Sam complains, Dean doesn't do this again.

The next time Dean is implied to have ordered Sam to do something (check and load the weapons into the car—I already wrote about why that specific task interests me, and about Sam ordering Dean to do things through season 4) Sam walks in to find Dean bitching to Bobby about him on the phone. Once again, Dean taking an opportunity for a tiny window of space.

Is Dean nice about it? Nope. But that's what's going on imo.

Dean wants some space from Sam and some goddamn privacy and a normal case to escape from the stress (something Sam has rarely understood or treated as anything but selfishness and a waste of time when it was Dean's idea) where he feels like he can breathe without being repeatedly confronted by his and Sam’s destinies and how they whirl around each other and how it all goes to shit because (in Zachariah’s world) Dean isn't able to successfully reconnect with Sam and the world ends. So Dean HAS to reconnect with Sam, but he wasn’t actually ready to do that when they met back up, and the last three weeks have not helped. Dean is clawing for air.

[autisticandroids]

are u a down to agincourt guy at all? i notice it’s not on any of ur rec lists (which is valid even if u do like it lmao it’s everywhere so there’s no need to let the people know about it) any chance ur a hater and want to let loose a little 👀

i mean, i'm not really a hater? i'm more an ambivalent.

first of all, to be clear, i've only read map of the world. i tapped out after that, partly because i just wasn't that into it but mostly because there was some unspeakably stupid stuff about godstiel at the end and i was in my sensitive era about godstiel things.

i also tapped out because i had heard some rather withering reviews from two friends who both tried it and had the same reaction, which is that the narrative of dta lacks tension and forward-movement. i, having only read map of the world, agreed with this, because that's certainly true of map of the world. most notably, it's true that dta actively removes tension by taking the basic premise of the story - that cas' dean and dean's cas are both gone - and just.... removing as much friction from that as possible. endverse cas and endverse dean, in dta, had so little positive relationship that seperis had to invent a way of being soulmates (also. cinemasins ding. i hate soulmates. partly for exactly this reason: they're a copout in terms of the messy and therefore narratively interesting work of relationship building) in order to justify why cas was attached to dean. dean seems perfectly happy to stay where he is and is not panicking about losing his sammy at all, samlucifer haunting him in the white suit doesn't even bother him that much! and he's actively happy to start over with a different cas, because he comes from a post-godstiel time and doesn't like his cas anymore.

personally i really disliked the whole dean and godstiel element for obvious reasons, not least because it annoys me that seperis chose to portray dean as *afraid* of godstiel and not just. enraged at him. however i think the much bigger problem, narratively, is the lack of love lost between endverse cas and endverse dean.

the first reason for this is pretty simple. dta dean is not my little guy and he has no relation to my little guy. he's a nice dude for cas to glom onto. and this isn't a crime, generally speaking fics will do this to one or the other of the dudes, and i'm happy to see it done to dean instead of cas for a change. but it means that dean's characterization doesn't matter as much.

the second reason is that dean didn't just lose cas, he lost literally his whole world. his entire timeline. and he should be upset about that, not cas in specific. i would still say he's insufficiently upset, but it's not as specific and personal.

but like.... if dta is about anything, it's about dta cas. and that means the tensions at the heart of cas' character matter. and he should have WAY more trouble slotting new dean into his life!!! like, the reason for thing #2 on this list is basically just me vagueing dta. in canon, the point of divergence for endverse is ftbyam. when cas and dean already have an intense, close, and sweet relationship. it's soured by the time endverse rolls around, but there was something to sour, inititally! and like to me it's also an excuse to like. use the classic deancas trope of having dean give cas a bunch of mundane firsts that he receives with childlike wonder. like in dta dean teaches cas to enjoy food. and like, that's against the spirit! of endverse cas! the point is that he's already HAD all those experiences with another dean but then things went sour!!!! AUGH.

anyway. making endverse dean Just A Bastard With No Redeeming qualities is like. a serious copout. imo. and it's symptomatic of a broader aversion to conflict and therefore a broader aversion to tension and movement and change. and so what you end up with, (again in map of the world at least, but from other people's reviews i suspect the rest remains the same), is a hundred thousand words of portraiture. it's beautiful, and it's lovingly painted. but it's not a story, because nothing happens in it or is being set up to happen.

but also, i wanna be clear. i REALLY liked elements of the portraiture. i think generally speaking people in fandom get their heads easily turned by pretty prose. like if the story is poetic at a paragraph level, they will give it wildly undue credit. but dta's prose really worked for me in a way a lot of other celebrated poetic fics' prose doesn't. like the density of it really adds something meaningful to the story i think. as a character portrait for cas, it really pulls you in.

and the cas characterization is so..... like it's so powerful, to me. for me i think it's more a characterization for canon cas than for endverse cas but also endverse cas is just canon cas with a few different experiences so like it still completely works. like i love the cas stuff.

the magic worldbuilding is like awesome to me. the thing about me is i love a magic system. i will risk it all for a good magic system. one time i was like, to my friend who liked dta, hey is seperis a programmer? and they were like yeah. and i was like yeah i figured. anyway. magic system <3.

and then also i like that endverse cas Lives In A Society. i like all the ocs and the relationships and the history. i wish that was more consistent, like i wish the endverse cas on the page felt more like he was situated in his history, rather than a new man born into his circumstances (so for example, i like that dta cas Quit Every Drug immediately at the start because endverse fic is so weird about drugs so not touching them is a nice choice imo, but it's also a symptom of this disconnect: cas is not weighed down by old habits and old wounds the way he should be. he's not stuck in place. and like that's the POINT of endverse cas: that he has history. and dta cas feels disconnected from that. and this is also wrapped in with my main criticism of how endverse dean and endverse deancas is handled). but i still like that he lives in a society and i think over the course of map of the world seperis becomes a little better at situating cas in a history in small ways instead of disconnecting him.

anyway in the end, dta is simply not my bag, and this is why. but i also get why people like it, because i also like parts of it.

[ashwhowrites]

ric idea:

nancy has fallen in love with her ex boyfriend’s sister and she doesn’t know what to do. she’s scared, she’s confused, and she talks to steve because they’re friends now and she wants him to know that the breakup was never his fault, she couldn’t love him that way because she literally couldn’t love him that way. she’s gay. and definitely in love with his sister.

- 🦋

I LOVE NANCY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING HER

Steve is a sweetheart and everyone is happy

Not proofread

Nancy Wheeler and Steve Harrington were always the talk of the town. Their relationship had a spotlight and eyes watching everywhere. Then she broke his heart, spilling the truth that she felt as if their love wasn't real love. She didn't feel the things she was supposed to. She didn't feel the things Steve felt for her.

In a selfish way, she thought maybe Steve was the problem, maybe she just can't love him. But then Nancy faced the same problem with Jonathan. Every kiss made her cold, her stomach turn, and her heart racing with anxiety. This isn't what love was supposed to feel like.

Nancy Wheeler wasn't capable of love, and with her parents, it seemed to run in the family.

Steve had an older sister, she moved out at eighteen and moved as far away from her parents as she could. She offered a place for Steve to crash whenever he needed, even though she was far, their relationship was close.

She didn't come home a lot, so when she first met the one and only Nancy, she understood why Steve was still chasing this girl. Nancy Wheeler was gorgeous. Her dark curly hair, beautiful bright eyes, and pink lips.

Steve called many nights about his heartbreak over Nancy, and Y/N felt guilty for finding herself wanting to know Nancy more. But she couldn't forget that this was the girl who broke her brother's heart.

"Nance, this is Y/N, my older sister, Y/N this is Nance," Steve introduced the two. A smirk formed on his face as Nancy blinked and didn't move an inch.

"Nice to meet you," Y/N said politely, moving her hand forward to grasp Nancy's soft hand in hers. Ignoring the way Nancy's touch erupted butterflies in her stomach.

Nancy had no idea why she was stuck frozen to the video store's floor. Her feet couldn't move, her hand was in Y/N's grip and she didn't want to let go. Nancy's heart was beating fast, some type of fluttering in her stomach, and her tongue refused to make words.

And to Nancy's fear, that's how she felt every time she was in Y/N's presence.

~~~

Y/N has been around Hawkins for a month, she grew close to Robin, met the famous Dustin, and a new guy named Eddie. She never heard much about him but he was an interesting character.

Y/N found herself in a rant with Robin, both girls oblivious to the people around them.

"Alright King Steve, think I got a shot?" Eddie smirked, nudging Steve's arm as he looked Y/N up and down. Nancy's ears perked up, finding herself moving closer to Steve and Eddie. A weird feeling in her stomach.

"Not a chance, Munson." Steve scoffed, laughing at Eddie's offended expression. Nancy wasn't sure why, but she felt a small amount of relief that Steve found Eddie and Y/N hilarious.

"Oh come on, no amount of charm? What if she wasn't your sister?" Eddie tried

"Munson, even if she wasn't my sister, she'd still be gay," Steve smirked, watching as Eddie's face morphed into surprise.

Nancy also did not understand why hearing that Y/N Harrigton was into girls made her face flush and her palms sweat.

"Oh great, so Buckley gets her," Eddie groaned, walking away.

Nancy felt her blood grow hot, her eyes locked on Y/N and Robin's body language. Were they flirting? Fuck, did Robin like her?

Wait....why did Nancy care?

~~~

Nancy spent the past week tossing and turning every night. Her brain was trying to figure out these different types of feelings she has been dealing with.

With sleep out of the question, Nancy got dressed in warm clothes and decided to take a trip to a diner. Journal and keys in hand, she started her car.

The diner was dead, just as she expected it to be so late at night. With a sigh, she took a seat in the back booth. An older lady asked her what she'd like. She put in her order and began to write. Writing out every thought, writing out every emotion she has been feeling. Everything that made her confused.

"Seems like you are in love," Y/N's voice came from behind her. Nancy felt her blood go cold and her body froze.

Nancy quickly slammed her journal shut, turning around with a sharp glare.

"Privacy, much?" Nancy scoffed, turning back around. Y/N just read all the different ways she made Nancy feel. Nancy felt like she could die in embarrassment.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have read over your shoulder/" Y/N apologized, shaking her head at her own rude behavior.

Y/N stared at the back of Nancy's curls, the words on the page still fresh in Y/N's mind.

"Why do you think I'm in love?" Nancy asked, looking over her shoulder at the girl. She looked beautiful, also dressed in sweats. Nancy assumed she must have been struggling to sleep as well.

"Well," Y/N started, walking towards the other side of the booth and taking a seat across from Nancy. "I believe you are in love because you sound so scared of what you don't understand. Feeling different things, things you thought you would have felt with someone else, I'm guessing what you wished you felt for Steve?" Y/N asked

It wasn't what she wished she felt for Steve, it was what she should have felt for Steve, and for Jonathan.

"I don't think I could love him in that kind of way," Nancy admitted.

"Well, whoever you wrote about, you can love in that kind of way, because you clearly do." Y/N smiled, offering her hand. Nancy felt her palms grow sweaty, wiping her hands on her pants before holding Y/N's hand.

Y/N was right, Nancy was in love....with Steve's fucking sister.

~~~

It's been a week since that night Nancy held Y/N's hand in the diner booth. Nancy understood her feelings and that made it worse. Because now she wants Y/N more than anything. Nancy felt like there had to be a rule to not date your ex's sibling and the way she broke Steve's heart, she cannot imagine him ever being okay with this.

But Steve took Nancy for a spin. A smirk on his face as he walked over to Nancy as she searched through the romantic section of the store.

"A little birdie told me you were in love," Steve teased, poking his fingers into Nancy's sides.

"I am not!" Nancy argued, laughing as her sides tickled from Steve's touch.

"Oh stop it, it is so obvious. You have that look in your eyes, a look you never had for me. But you had it for her the second you met her." Steve spoke softly, he wasn't upset at all. He moved on from Nancy months ago, he understood he just wasn't the one she loved.

"Steve, I'm so sorry. I don't know how or why, and I didn't plan to .."She cut herself off, was she really going to admit she was in love with her ex's sister to his face?

"Didn't plan to fall in love with my sister? It's okay to admit it, Nance." Steve answered for her.

"I've been trying to figure out why we couldn't work, and it's me. I couldn't love you, Steve, because I couldn't love you. I couldn't love Jonathan. I was scared that I just couldn't feel love, but I think I was trying to find it in the wrong place." Nancy admitted.

"I forgive you, and I appreciate your apology. You are not a bad person Nance, you just had to find yourself. This whole town predicted you would become a Harrington, no one said it had to be because of me." Steve said with a wink, nudging Nancy towards Y/N as she walked through the door.

"She hates romance, try comedy," Steve offered his advice, pushing her right into Y/N's arms.

Steve watched with a smile as the girls blushed and laughed.

"I hate to say it, but you are a fucking good guy, Harrington," Robin said with a sigh, throwing her arm over Steve's shoulder.

"I'll find my girl someday, it's time Nancy found hers."

[dropdeadgorgeos]

What's this? Your a NRC student who still hasn't found there dorm? Well then, let me introduce you to our ei- seven dorms!!

Welcome to ✨Heartslybul✨ where you can eat yummy sweets and hangout with hedgehogs and flamingos. Not to mention the housewarden tries so hard(to the point he needs help) but you know! What's wrong with a little hard work to get you through the year? What's that? You don't wanna constantly hear "off with your head" if you break the smallest most stup- *ahem* little rule? Well then, next!

Ahh yes, ✨Savannaclaw✨ the place where it'll smell bad and have sweat on everyone like there an animals. But I mean they basically are animals. You'll get really good at magic here and get to learn tones of sporty ways to play! How often do you work out? Because you'll do that a lot here! What's that? You don't wanna wake up super early constantly eat meat and probably be weaker then all your dorm members? Well then, next!

Welcome to ✨Octvanille✨ Oh this dorm? Do you enjoy being underwater? Singing the little under the sea hmmmm? It's nice... Calming... Your not forced to eat healthy... But you are forced to pay. You have to work for your housewarden non-stop until he says so. Want some food? Pay. Can't pay? Get money. Can't get money? Starve. Hm? What's that? Not your cup of tea? I see... Well let's see if you like this one!

Welcome to ✨Scarabia✨

Here You can have feast and have fun! Constantly running with energy! Leaping up a nd down with your friends! What's better? Oh? You don't want a dumb housewarden(I am so sorry) or a super suspicious Vice housewarden? Or to be aware your dorm is sad as shit? Dang! Next one I guess!

Welcome to ✨Pomefoire✨

Ahh yes, you see that castle? A queen lives in there.. A beautiful one.. And this place.. Is beautiful... And so magical... And rude asf like you can get yelled at for anything. But don't let that stop you! You get to go in the woods! Not many dorms have a woods! And you can't to live in a room of this castle! Whaaaaaaaat? You don't wanna be lectured (stepped on) by a (beautiful) man for having a small bit of your tie undone? Or a stalker perhaps? Wow. You are quite picky. Next one ig?

Welcome to ✨Ignihyde✨

This place is amazing! You get to stay inside and never go outside! Play videogames constantly and getting to read! And stay home! Put all your worries aside and probably fail! And even if you don't put all your worries aside you probably still have a good chance of failing! Huhhhhh? You don't wanna stay inside and never see the sun again? You wan tro go- *gasp* OUTSIDE?! WELL THEN! YOU NEED A NEW DORM!

✨Diasomnia✨

Huh? Why does this place look so dark? And why does it look like if you fell off you would d̶i̶e̶?̶ Well, you would yes. But this place isn't that bad! Look at it! It's beautiful! With knights and a dragon as your housewarden! Yes, you may not see him very often... He may like pretty scary... He may... Okay okay I get it! Just... Uh... Be nice! What? You don't wanna risk eating lilia's food? You don't wanna be yelled at by Sebek? You don't wanna randomly find Silvers body sleeping somewhere? And hear constant rants about Gargoyles? You are quite the picky one my friend.

*sighhhhh*

We've looked everywhere! Whatever! Well ask the mirror!

Oh- uh- are you sure?

I see..

Okay we get it! We'll my friend... Looks you must go to ramshackle! Lemme show you around!

Soooo basically, your bathroom doesn't work, your poor asf, you get no privacy because there are no locks on the doors or windows oh yeah and this rat- I mean we- I mean ca- I mean The amazing grim! Is your housewarden and now your basically his pet. Enjoy!

[ananke-xiii]

Another dream, always mine (and yes it's still spn s13 related because i have a bone to pick with dabb over that season specifically)

So here it goes. (Part 1)

Spn s13 but kelly doesn't die, cas doesn't die, crowley doesn't die. Lucifer dies for *reasons* but mary, dean and sam are stuck in the AU.

It's still spn so we just have to have mirrors and parallels, okay? Like, this show doesn't care about continuity but damn! They will stick to mirrors and parallels like it's a religion and so we do too.

The thing is that the AU is not the lame-ass AU Dabb or whoever came up with, it's at least an attempt at being an interesting place. So basically the AU is as boring and dumb as our earth, nothing has really changed, people are still trapped in the rat race that capitalism is (see, we have a little bit of critique here too, there is no escape from the capitalist-fascist-heteronormative narrative or isn't it?), the frigging white picket fences are still everywhere like a fucking nightmare BUT! This is an earth without monsters, angels, demons, nothing goes bump in the night but depression, paranoia and suicidal thoughts (now these are the real monsters) and YET this is THE chance for our heroes, this is the promised land, no past, only freedom, the american dream is theirs to grab (but don't worry this place hides a secret, this is still spn everything must be queer, you'll see). Sam, dean and mary are kinda lost cause, surprise surprise! It turns out that's not the things you want that you can't have but that you didn't know what you wanted so how could you have it in the first place? Mary is restless, this was supposed to be her dream, she died for it and now she doesn't want it and she goes through another deep existential crisis (and, really, we all just get mary because seriously? any character named mary who's also a mother has too much fucking weight on her shoulder, just let the woman be). Sam is kinda okay with it, he once again refuses to get in touch with his emotions and flees from them like the plague: they're gonna make it work, they will find a way (i want to convey ross from friends vibes when he's like *in a squeaky voice* i'm fine! Here, that's sam in the AU). The guy lives in his delusion, this is his chance at being normal (and oh boy is he wrong, you'll see). Dean feels just bad, he's supposed to feel happy with his mother and his brother/son (the weird implications of this situation will be explored) but he keeps thinking about that little house by the sea (or was it a lake?) that cas bought as fucking jimmy novak and how the angel spent months there with kelly playing daddy and how the fucking angel played him and dean just went along and repaired his stupid truck as if to thank him for breaking his heart but also, also, dean will never admit it to anyone ever but deep down he knows, he knows, that that was his place, his angel, his chance (we will also have an explorations into the complex theme of mpreg with the due "Junior" references we all deserve and insights into dean's maternal insticts).

Now back to earth.

Kelly gives birth to a baby jack, cas lives with them to protect them from the angels and demons that will sure come for a visit (but once again he will end up being a total agent of chaos, you'll see), the angel is a bit of a mess, though, and his obsession with saving dean winchester is finally making kelly feel quite concerned with her life choices, maybe trusting this guy was a little bit insane, was he always this deranged? (We'll soon see why she thinks that, she might have a point). Meanwhile crowley goes back to hell and we once again have a cheap game of thrones situation (because why not? i can't come up with infinite original ideas to fix this plot, okay? Also this is still spn, i can condone SOME cheap storylines on the side, and anyway mark sheppard makes anything work so we're good) where his varys-like smart brain cells will put him on the throne again (who's this asmodeus guy anyway, prince of hell or not, fuck him, he will not stick around here for a second season while dagon died like after 2 episodes she was in, not gonna happened in my narrative). But, you see, the demon has his own issues, and goes visiting kelly and the angel because why not? He likes kelly she seems interesting enough for a person who birthed satan's son, escaped from a fucking angel of the lord, was kidnapped by a goddamn prince of hell, managed to baby trap said angel of the lord, stole the frigging impala and escaped that menace that the winchesters are. She then proceeded to give birth knowing she might have died. She is something. Something a bit unhinged maybe but crowley digs her, okay? He still also has varys-like smart brain cells so he needs to visit to make sure that baby lucifer is, like, not plotting to take over hell or whatever newborn babies half-made from cosmic entities do these days. Also, also, watching castiel putting baby jack to sleep with those big strong angel gym-bro arms did something to him, his daddy fetish and his mommy issues raised their head and something else too, and he foolishly promises to keep jack safe from hellish attacks and indulges castiel in his winchester obsession. What? He misses the brothers too, those handsome, tall, cruel white boys (we are reminded that, visually, the whole cas/kelly/jack situation is quite similar to the weird crowley/dean/amara thing of s11, mirrors and parallels need to keep happening people, this is spn, we gott have 'em). Castiel is living his tragic destiny yet again, he's seen the AU, has been there, technically knows that dean, sam and mary are safe but he just has to see it for himself, right? Like he has to make sure, it's not like dean not being there is eating him from the inside, it's not like he starts feeling the pang of guilt over the huge betrayal he's forced onto dean,leaving him left behind again and again and playing him that way, no. He copes by sitting in his stupid truck that dean had repaired listening to that damn tape (every time he does that we have a close-up of kelly watching the pathetic scene from her window and sighing as if in "fuck, FUCK, my life"). And oh, yes he also starts researching about archangel resurrection because i may or may not bring back my girls, aka raphael and uriel but this is for part 2, you'll see.

[violetpurpleviolet]

Supernatural , Season 6 , Episode 12.

Like a Virgin

Castiel checked. His soul is in place. He’s not gonna wake up?

His soul feels like it’s been skinned alive. :(

“If you wanted to kill your brother , you should have done it outright”

I knew this would be bad. But I didn’t even think of the consequences of the torture by Lucifer and Michael. Just him with his own guilt would have been so bad, but this is even worse.

I need Sam to wake up already , OH MY GOD HES AWAKE

aaaaahhhhhhhhhh

He doesn't remember, that's good, I'm kind of relieved.

"What, Why the poopface" - Dean Winchester

Does Bobby feel weird around Sam?? :( Because he tried to kill him? But it isn't it just like a possessed Sam. Why does it affect him so much? Or is it like it was Sam? I don't know?

Ohh this is the episode with the GIF that I've been seeing everywhere lately. :/

Sam going to figure out, obviously, Sam needs a break, and I need a break from Sam being tortured.

HAHAHAHAHA Dean gonna try and pull out the sword and fail. The music is killing me.

What happens when they run into Samuel?

Oh no, Sam is praying to Cas. Oh, he showed up! Oh! Oh noooo , he spilled the BEANS

WHAT THE FUCK CASTIEL. huh , oh no. Sam's tricking Cas to get the details.

Is Dean gonna use a power drill or something to remove the sword? Oh no, straight-up dynamite.

Why isn't Sam telling Dean that he knows? He told him. "Cas, friggin child."

Monsterland , Purgatory.

Mother? Mother of all? Hmmm , I would say Lilith , excpet we’ve already done with that.

[adidegmez]

spn s7 spoilers

s7 ep1(meet the new boss)

the cas we know is gone. dean,sam and bobby are accepting cas is god so easily. i thought they wouldn't call him god that easy. i love death. but really, dean gave up on cas so quickly. cas is back. and he is gone, again. he'll be back.

s7 ep2(hello, cruel world)

lucifer… i love winchester's relationship. i loved bobby's house now, everything is gone. bobby isn't gone he cant be.

s7 ep3(the girl next door)

i love sam. how could dean do that? why did he do that? is he real dean? i cant believe this.

s7 ep4(defending your life)

good guys always feel guilty. even if its not their fault. even if they know its not their fault. i was mad about dean killing amy. but then i thought about it. i thought they didnt kill lenore but then i remembered she didnt kill anyone when they let go of her. amy and lenore are not the same. and in the end dean was right imo. because amy killed for her kid and if her son gets sick she would kill again.

s7 ep5(shut up, dr. phil)

I thought the Amy topic was closed. I was wrong. we'll see later how it ends, i guess.

s7 ep6(slash fiction)

dean always deserves good things in his life, so does sam. finally sam learned about amy. he'll forgive dean, probably.

s7 ep7(the mentalists)

sammy ad dean back together again. i love them.

s7 ep8(season seven, time for a wedding!)

ep name is weird. this should be fun. i love the temp. idk but i kinda like crowley when he is not messing with the boys.

s7 ep9(how to win friends and influence monsters)

i dotcare thati dont care. ilove that scene. bobby cant die like that.

s7 ep10(death's door)

he can't die. it was nice to see rufus. i knew bobby would die. i saw spoilers before but i didnt think he would die this season. he cant die. he left the winchesters. goodbye bobby. winchesters are alone, again. i want to think bobby will return but i dont think he will.

s7 ep11(adventures in babysitting)

i like krissy. i love dean with kid. he is so sweet.

s7 ep12(time after time after time)

dean knows his brother so well.

s7 ep13(the slice girls)

emma is dean's child? Sam and Dean shouldn't have split up. emma and amy werent the same. amy killed, emma didnt. she was goin o kill dean i know but i just wanted to say there is difference. and i think there are 2 kinds of moster to dean: those who kill people and those who didn't kill people, yet. and dean thinks tho who didnt kill could be saved. and i think he is right.

s7 ep14(plucky pennywhistle's magical menagerie)

bad cop sam. he is funny. clowns were scary. supernatural gives me new fears. i miss cas when is he coming back?

s7 ep15(repo man)

jeffrey is a good guy. i liked him. lucifer is funny. and jeffrey is a psychopath.

s7 ep16(out with the old)

i liked frank but i really miss bobby. I don't understand how Dean finds time to watch so many movies. i knew frank would die. but know thinking about it i think he is not dead, yet. ıf he was dead there would be a body.

s7 ep17(the born-again identity)

i want to see cas and crowley. i miss them. did bobby refuse to go? and now he is going with winchesters everywhere and helping them? because that notebook cannot have fallen by itself. It hurts me that Cas was the one who did this to Sam. Sam has been through a lot. I hope he can get over this soon. cas!!! i wanna cry(well im crying little bit). cas is back? he is emanuel, what? he is cas. meg?! sam is still helping people. i love him. cas is back. he saved sam:) but now he is left behind, with meg! i hope dean knows where meg is and she wont do anything bad for winchesters and cas.

s7 ep18(party on, garth)

okay dean knows about meg. garth is funny. i missed impala. bobby is here!!! i want to see him more. but why couldn't he contact them? i hope we can learn it.

s7 ep19(of grave importance)

bobby finally talked. i love him. what he did was kinda wrong. but without him boys would be dead so many times. i hope things wont end bad for bobby but i doubt it. but i am glad to see him anyways.

s7 ep20(the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo)

i know new characters will come to spn and i am so excited to meet them. i saw them on the internet and i cant wait to see their relationship with the boys. and Charlie is one of them. and i am happy she came. i like her. bobby will do something bad isnt he? she is a nerd:) . well, is Charlie coming back?

s7 ep21(reading is fundamental)

hi cas(and meg). no way home😅(iloveyouguys). i really missed cas. he is even funnier now. he is happier. cas would do anything for the winchesters. i hate leviathans. i hope we'll see cas and meg again.

s7 ep22(there will be blood)

i wanted to see crowley. bobby is not truly gone, not now at least. this wont end good for bobby. there is 8 seasons left i am happy i get to spend so many time with my favorite characters.

s7 ep23(survival of the fittest)

goodbye bobby. baby is back!!! i knew dean wouldnt hurt baby like that. i'm glad dean forgive cas. i love their friendship. purgatory, seriously?! crowley does whatever he wants whenever he wants. and he got meg and the world. and sam is alone. Cas left Dean. of course, he'll get back(i'm 99% sure). i cant wait to see how they will survive this?

[maramontwrites]

Superpowers

“Jax! Look! Look at this!”

My little brother comes bursting into my room, waving his phone in front of my face.

“Calm down, Cas. I can't see anything like this.” I put down my glass of water on my desk and take the phone from his hands. On the screen, a video’s playing on loop. I can make out the shape of two guys standing in a field at night, before the grass suddenly catches on fire.

“What am I looking at, exactly?” I ask.

Cas hops up and down, barely able to contain his excitement. “That's my friend Daniel. He discovered his superpower! Isn't that cool?!”

I shake my head and hand him the phone back. “Fire? That's so common. He's not gonna get far with that.”

He rolls his eyes. “Whatever. You're just jealous. He's already been recruited by the STP. He's gonna be a real hero.”

The Superhuman Training Program. It's everyone's dream to be a part of that. Well, most people’s, at least. The problem is that you have to find your superpower first, and that’s easier said than done.

“Well, what does he have to do to activate it? They could probably use someone with an easy one. I've heard that most recent recruits have complicated or weird activations, like doing some specific acrobatics or consuming weird things.”

Cas looks away, embarrassed. “He has to... eat grass.”

I laugh. “Eat grass? That's such a stupid thing to do. No way he's ever gonna be a superhero. There are way more people with fire powers that are easier to activate.”

“It's not stupid! And it's not difficult either! It's just grass. That's basically everywhere!”

“It's still stupid. Do you think any villain is going to take him seriously when he has to put grass into his mouth before being able to use a mediocre power?”

“You're just jealous,” he deflects. “because you haven't activated your power yet.”

“I don't plan on doing a bunch of stupid things just to find out what might trigger my powers.” I take a sip of my water before continuing. “And you shouldn't either! I know people who have died or gotten seriously injured while doing dangerous things to try to activate their power.”

He rolls his eyes again. “Fine, I won't. But if I never become a hero, it'll be your fault!”

 “I don't care. As long as you're alive.” I look at his phone again, the video still playing on repeat. “Why were your friends eating grass in the middle of the night in an open field?”

He quickly hides the phone behind his back, like he didn't show me the video himself. “I don't know.”

"Were you there?”

“No.”

“Were they drinking?”

“Maybe. I don’t know, I wasn’t there.”

I try to look him in the eyes, but he quickly looks away. “Cas, why are you friends with people who do things like that?”

He shrugs. “I'm not doing it, so what's the problem?”

“They're a bad influence.” I take another sip of water. “Promise me you won't hang out with them again.”

He doesn't answer. I finish my water and put the glass down on the desk with more force than necessary, for emphasis.

“Promise me, Cas.”

Another eye-roll. “Fine, whatever, I promise. But you're ruining my life!”

“I wouldn't be a big brother if I didn't. Now get out of my room!” This time he obeys without complaining.

I smile. Mind control is such a useful power. And no one suspects drinking water.

[castieldelamancha]

He is gone, it's been a while now.

He is gone and, still, he is present everywhere Dean looks, all around him. He never noticed, not until now. Not until these signs of his presence in their lives became all he has left of Castiel. All around him, even if the moments Castiel spent here in what they consider their home always seemed few in number and brief in their duration. He still managed to leave a print behind. One that isn't etched to his skin, or written in blood, but that touches his soul regardless.

There is the mug Castiel seemed to like more than any other they own, they never use it anymore, a wordless agreement between the brothers. The book he forgot on his desk, still opened on the page where he left it, waiting for him to come back and finish it. He reads the pages sometimes, never touching them, in case Castiel gets mad at him for it, because he won't remember the page, Dean is sure. His mind supplies Castiel's voice as he reads the words " He'd have liked to believe in a supreme God, although he'd have preferred a half-hour's chat with Him before committing himself, to clear up one or two points." He still has the memory of his voice, rough and slow, soft sometimes, angry too, sad as well, lovely as it was when you could hear his smile in it. It reads to him, it tells him he loved him, over and over again. There is the blanket he folded neatly at the end of his bed, because he liked the feel of it around him even if he never got cold, or so he had told Dean. Dean still has the piece of paper where Castiel drew one of the constellations he had designed at the beginning of everything so Dean could look for it in the night sky. He found it shortly after, with a proud smile on his face, and it's where his eyes wander every time he prays as if he was talking to Cas himself ever since.

There is a picture too, of the three of them, Cas standing in the middle, Dean's arm around his shoulder, it's on their fridge, secured to it with a stupid magnet he bought because Castiel stared at it for a while at a gas station, it's from a town near Denver but they bought it in Oregon, and maybe that's why Cas was staring at it so much, because of the absurdity of it all, he just never mentioned it and Dean never asked. There are many things he never mentioned, there are also many things Dean didn't dare to ask. He stares at the photo, a frozen instant of their rapidly fleeing past. He still has the mental image of his features, he won't let himself forget.

But neither the memory of his face or his voice, his hands and gestures feel as real as this physical echoes of his presence at times. So he keeps it all close, just where Cas left it, to never forget, to feel some company as he waits too for Castiel to come back so they can keep moving forward together on the same page where they left it all.

[lovelandfrogispookybear]

20: D-neD

Otto's pov

We make it back to home. The girl who I found trapped in her mind is layed down on a bed, and everybody goes to talk to her, even Eddie. I am by myself, and I decide I want to go on an adventure. In a normal day, from what Eddie tells me, it would be dark soon. But it is almost always dark here anyway, and I will be able to know my way. Especially if this really is like over there as it is over here.

I wear a white sweater, sweet Joyce gave it to me. I am still wearing Steve's pants and shirt, and my pinchy boots I remember having for forever. I have my red glasses and a lighter I found in the pants pocket, and that should be enough if anything goes poorly. I walk out the door.

I go down the same road I ran away down last time. Except instead of going to my old home, I decide to take some other looks. I go into some trees, I would like to say I recognize them but I don't ever remember exploring this part of town. Vines creep everywhere, but I just step right over them and ignore them. I look upwards, seeing the sky through the shriveling trees. In the far off, I can hear radio statics and people talking. I want to investigate that, but Eddie said to avoid anything "milytary", and this sounds like that. I keep walking forward.

"Ah!" I fall down onto the ground. I do not trip over vines, so this must be different. I turn around, and look at what is on the ground.

It is a pile of sticks, taken over by vines a long time ago. There are torn papers with color and blankets and toys all over the ground. I wrestle a wooden board from the vines, and try to read the fadey writing.

"Cas-tle... biers?" I've heard that last word. I need to get back home.

Eddie's pov

Otto pops up from behind the couch.

"Hello Pipsqueak!" I ruffle her hair.

"Ah, Otto, we meet again!" Hopper waves. Everyone else must still be in the other room.

"Say hi to Hopper," I nudge her. She waves reluctantly.

"Him and I go way back," Hopper explains. Otto nods.

"Eddie, what does the word 'biers' mean?" Otto rolls over onto the couch and fiddles with one of the pins on my (newly hand cleaned) vest.

"Byers? Well, that's Joyce, Will's, and Jonathan's last name," Hopper explains. "Why?"

"Nothing," Otto bounces up and down. "Just asking."

Robin and Steve, followed by Murray, walk out of the hall. They're all carrying armfuls of bedding and pillows.

"Everyone can grab from here, and find anywhere they want to sleep," Steve says.

"Tomorrow, we can take a trip to my warehouse, I have cots and sleeping bags there," Murray says as he drops the sheets and pillows on the floor. I sit up, and walk over to the pile. I root through it until I find some sheets I like, and drag them back over to the couch.

"If you wanna sleep there kid, I'd hang tight. I'm going to cook something up for dinner, so it might not be the quietest place to sleep," Murray walks into the kitchen.

"No worries, I go out like a rock." I turn to Otto. "I'm going to sleep, and odds are I won't wake up until tomorrow. Be good, eat some food that isn't Harrington's 15 dollar raw steak, and get good sleep. Goodnight Buggo." I ruffle Otto's hair, and turn over to fall asleep.

Otto's pov

"You want risotto?" Murray asks me. I don't have a know what reesotoh is, but I am hungry. I nod, and he plops a spoonful of something brown into my bowl. I take a handful of it, and gobble it up. It is very good.

"Uh, you want a spoon?" Hopper asks me. I shake my head, hands are better for eating. Everybody looks at me then looks at their own food as I continue eating with my hands.

"Just let her eat," Will takes a spoonful of his food. Everybody begins to gobble up their food too.

"So, Otto is it? How did you find this lovely lot?" Murray asks. I look upwards to him, and

Robin pushes a napkin towards me.

"Things that happened," I mumble through my last mouthful of food. I don't want to explain it, when Eddie wakes up he can. I grab my bowl, and get up. Like I saw people do when I came back earlier, I set it down by the sink. Using napkins and the sink, I clean my hands off. Now what to do. I want to go to sleep near Eddie because he is really all I know here, but I am not tired. Maybe I should figure out what the Castle is. And then I will grab the fresh white blanket, and go to sleep.

As for the Castle, I will start with Joyce. She seems like someone worthy of a Castle.

"Joyce?" I ask, tugging on her coat. She turns around.

"Yes sweetheart? What's up?" Her eyes are soft.

"What is Castle Byers?"

Her face rumples into confusion, but smooths out again after a moment.

"You know what? That is a question for my boy Will. You ask him when he's done eating, okay?" Joyce answers. I nod, and skip over into the living room to wait.

Will's pov

"Otto? My mom said you had a question for me?" I sit down next to her.

"Yes. What is Castle Byers?" Her eyes cut right through my memories. I look at her, trying to figure out how she knows what that is and why she's even asking.

"Castle Byers?" Mike walks over. "We should visit it sometime! It's been a while since I've been out there!"

"Um, haha, yeah! Good idea!" Will laughs. "How about you go help El clean up dinner, yeah?"

"Um, okay?" Mike looks at me oddly, and walks towards El.

"What that all was about?" Otto asks curiously.

"Want to take this conversation into a different room?" I stand up quickly, and motion to the hallway. Mom gives me an odd looks as I usher Otto into one of the bathrooms, and I smile weakly.

"I destroyed Castle Byers a year ago!" I whisper-shout. "I got in a fight with Mike, and I... I tore it down. With a baseball bat."

She stares at me blankly, sits on the floor, then opens her mouth to speak.

"Why fight. If you like?"

"It's... it's more complicated than that." I sit down next to her, and bury my head in my knees.

"I know complicated," Otto says, grabbing the lighter again. She flicks it , illuminating the room.

"I... I wanted to play DnD. It's one of my favorite things to do-"

"Dned?"

"D - N - D. It's a game. Anyways, I wanted to play it and nobody else did. Hardly Mike or Lucas or anyone wants to play it now it seems. And I tried to get them to play, but nobody wanted to. I got upset, because it seems now all either of them think about is their girlfriends. I stormed out, and Mike followed me, and hit me with-"

"He HIT you?" Otto asks angrily, beginning to stand up.

"No, no! Not like that. I mean what he said was unexpected."

"Well, what he say?"

"He... he said that it wasn't his fault I don't like girls, and it just took me by surprise. I ran off, and got mad, and broke Castle Byers."

"Yes... but what was it? I know a castle is a big huge rock house with lots of colors and riches-"

"It wasn't that kind of castle, it was just a little fort. Something I could hang out in, color, read, be to myself."

"A fort..." Otto nods ominously. She stands, nods at me, and walks out,

[mlobsters]

supernatural s15e16 drag me away (from you) (w. meghan fitzmartin)

like a fic title, that one. first impression with the song if i didn't care by the ink spots and the motel hallway and the "have you been here before?" "a long time ago" "welcome back" was the shining

DEAN Yeah, I know. I'm not saying what happened isn't sad. You know, I mean, the guy slit his throat with a whiskey bottle, but... He's an old friend, you know? Old, old. Like haven't seen him in 25 years. We've missed funerals for much closer friends... Hunters.

ok. yet another rando we know nothing about them having history with. me trying to remember how old they were 25 years ago 🥴 16 and 12? ok. easier to base it on my age and add 1 and subtract 3 :p

SAM Well, this is different. I-I mean, it's not like we have much else to do. Chuck is off world. Jack's in the bunker, waiting for Billie's orders. And... And Cas just... bailed, I guess. He didn't say anything to you about why he left? DEAN Not really. SAM And you guys didn't get into a fight or something? DEAN It's just Cas being Cas.

wouldn't be this show without hiding something or lying to your brother about something important! but at least it can't go on very long, there just aren't many episodes left

now the flashback is in 93? what happened to 25 years ago? lol oh the confusion! so, 14 and 10?

wiki

In the flashbacks, Dean is wearing his amulet. Dean is about to turn 14 and Sam is 9. It is two years since the events of 3.08 A Very Supernatural Christmas when Sam first learned about monsters and hunting. The writer, Meghan Fitzmartin, said the intention was for Dean and Sam to be 15 and 10 respectively, with the events set after those in the flashbacks shown in 11.08 Just My Imagination set in 1991 and before those in 9.07 Bad Boys set in 1995.

paxton singleton as young dean / the haunting of hill house - as young steven

YOUNG DEAN Dad should've let me go with him. I mean, you don't need me. I was babysitting you when I was your age. YOUNG SAM I'm pretty sure that's illegal.

i've done some looking into that actually (because of this very show) and it seems like there aren't actually set rules about age and what not. i think pretty much everywhere though would consider the amount of time john regularly canonically left them as child neglect

What Is the Minimum Age That a Child Can Be Left Unsupervised? Currently, there is no universal standard or federal law that applies to all U.S. states, but some have a minimum age requirement for children who will be left alone. For example, Illinois’ minimum age is 14, while Maryland designates 8 years-old as the minimum age. Although many states may not have a specific age at this time, there are numerous laws that consider inadequate supervision of children as neglect. Other states, such as Utah, are taking a different approach to child supervision. In 2018, Utah passed a free-range parenting law that essentially revised the state's definition of ‘neglect’ so that children can roam unsupervised, without the risk of their parents being charged. The US Child Welfare Information Gateway states that “many States offer nonbinding guidelines for parents that can assist them in determining when it’s appropriate for them to leave their child home alone.” Ultimately, it’s the responsibility of the parents to appropriately assess the maturity level of their children before making a decision.

(source)

YOUNG DEAN I thought your imaginary friend told you it was bad to steal. Why would you want... Wait. You think you're gonna go to college? YOUNG SAM Yeah. Why not? YOUNG DEAN "Why not?" Why? YOUNG SAM 'Cause that's what normal people do. YOUNG DEAN Right. Because we are normal. Whatever. We barely go to school. So if you think places like that'll even think about letting a dumbass like you in... Come on. This, Sammy? This is our life.

don't make me cry with the mediocre (sorry, kiddos) acting from the kids! and then they pull out the mushy music to top it off

lol. subtle, show

YOUNG DEAN Yeah. Again, no. This ain't the friggin' Goonies. None of you has been on a hunt before. Just... stay. I got this.

oof this is awkward. trying to get some dean speech patterns but it's coming off really forced. i think it's a big ask of any child actor to be their younger counterparts, especially when we know them so well

actually distressing and spooky, i'm impressed

DEAN Because I'd never seen anything like that before. So after I killed it... or thought that I killed it... I phoned in the... the bodies, let the authorities take care of it, and shoved it down the old memory hole. I had nightmares about that for the longest time. I'm sorry. I should've told you. SAM No, man, it's okay. I mean, you were just a kid. You know, we were both just kids. And, hell, we used to keep a lot of secrets from each other.

the trauma just never ends. however, i laughed and laughed "we used to keep a lot of secrets from each other" this show is ridiculous

not loving this jacket they've got her in

BILLIE I told him the truth. Jack killed your mother, and all he wants is your forgiveness. And I surmise that the only way he can get that is ending God and freeing you from the... What did you call it? Hamster wheel. Was I wrong?

interesting definition of truth. an assumption that the only way dean can forgive him is by killing god/obtaining real free will?

CAITLIN So... this is your life now? SAM Pretty much. CAITLIN I'm sorry. Don't you ever want to be... I don't know... normal? SAM Well, we help people, you know? Save them. I'm just sorry we couldn't... save Travis.

fucking normal, what a loaded word that's become on this show. like freak levels

BILLIE He doesn't know. I don't care why you've been hiding this from your brother. But I don't like loose ends, Dean. I don't like disorder. So clean this up. I need to know that you've got your house in order.

relatable, billie

maybe splitting up to hunt for the witch who couches in hallucinations isn't the best idea, guys. dean finding a dead baby sam in the cannery hallucination, great

big sam safe and sound

CAITLIN I think so. What do they say about getting older? You tell the truth more because you know that lies... they don't make anything better. Take care, Dean.

so heavy handed 😂

botw zelda memory-esque music segue into mushy music

and now it's the music that reminded me of the zelda music lol. motherFUCKER if only i could actually search my own fucking blog for words in posts i wrote. rrrgh. ahh but i put zelda in the file name of the mp4 so i could find it that way on my hd. thank you, past-nic!

okay, it was in 13x06 when cas comes back from the empty and sees jack

and it transitions into the mushy music after the zelda-esque music! and dean says some awful things!

SAM I can't believe you! You know that? I mean, how can you keep me in the dark about something so huge?! DEAN 'Cause I know you couldn't handle it! You didn't trust Billie's plan, and then, when we found out about Amara, you... you... you started second-guessing. You raise these... these "ethical questions."

when dean said he knew sam couldn't handle it?? i gasped and yelled WHAT at the screen. also: i, too, am questioning billie's plan

SAM I shouldn't? Jack's gonna kill himself, and I should just shut up about it? DEAN Yes! SAM No! DEAN This is how we end Chuck, okay?! This is the only way we'll ever be free! So I'm sorry, Sam! You don't get a choice! We don't get a choice! SAM Oh, "we."

like. agAIN, we're like the only way the fix this problem is someone has to kill themselves for the greater good. we have been down this road so many times. and sometimes, back in olden times, they'd be wrestling with alternatives for a season. but these days, sometimes it's a few episodes of looking for another solution, sometimes it's just accepting it straight away, etc. and it drives me up the fucking wall! but at least cas is out there looking for nebulous alternative options.

i can't remember a time in recent history when sam got this mad at dean. understandably so. we've only got 4 episodes to wrap this fucker up. i'm having weird feelings