#cas deserves everything
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What I wanted so badly was for Mary to learn about her boys from Cas. Like that night where Cas finds her when she can’t sleep and she expresses that she just doesn’t know anything about her sons since she missed so much?? All I wanted was for Cas to sit down with her at the table and just start telling her about them. Basic stuff at first: their favorite foods, their sleeping habits, the stuff he’s just observed by being their passenger for years.
And then I want him to say something totally Cas, like “Dean always wears more layers but that’s because his body naturally runs two degrees colder than Sam’s. But that’s normal for him and not indicative of any illness, so it’s nothing to worry about.”
And as they talk, it starts to get a little deeper, and Cas tells her more. He tells her about what she missed, about all the horrible things that happened to her sons and how they coped; how it changed them. And he tells her about Sam, he does, but really it ends up being all about Dean.
He’ll tell her about how Dean clenches his fists when he’s upset, even as he tries to keep his face impassive. About how Dean drums his fingers on the steering wheel when he’s anxious. He’ll tell her about Dean’s nightmares, about the ways he’s chosen to cope. He’ll tell her how to know when to approach Dean and when to give him space, how to gently acknowledge what he’s feeling without pushing him too far.
And with every word he says, Mary’s curious head tilt from when she’d seen them hug in reunion turns into a bone deep type of certainty. Because Cas is telling her things that only someone who paid special attention would notice. He’s telling her things that only someone very, very close to her son’s heart would know.
Cas will tell her the cliff notes of what they’ve been through; will tell her how the whole world looked to Dean and he rose to the occasion over and over again. He’ll tell her about Dean’s doubts in himself and then vehemently declare them as wrong and explain, at length, why. He will tell her about the people Dean has loved— the people who loved him like he was their own— and lost. He will tell her about Bobby, Ellen, Jody, Donna, and Charlie. He’ll tell her about Claire, too, and how Dean stepped up.
And the whole time, Mary will have this realization that oh, she may not have been around to guide and protect her sons, but there was always someone there to care for them and support them when they needed it. She will realize that she and John may have left them, but they were never alone.
But more than that, there was someone there for Dean. Someone picking Dean over and over again while Dean picked Sam, or the world, over himself. There was someone fighting for Dean when he wasn’t fighting for himself. There was someone who saw Dean, and loved him unconditionally.
Sitting across from her, at the asscrack of dawn, filling her in on all the things she missed was every mother’s dream: someone who loved her child with the kind of devotion that would break the world. And from the sounds of the stories she was being told, it did break the world. Someone whose love is entirely untainted and comes without any strings attached.
It’s so clear to her as she listens to Cas talk that Cas loves Dean with no expectations. That loving Dean is something he just does, like he doesn’t know how not to love Dean, like the possibility of not loving him never occurred to Cas. He loves Dean in a way that Mary knows can and will soothe Dean’s sharp edges and battered heart. He loves Dean in the kind of pure way that tells Mary that it will continue to endure and overcome everything without ever diminishing, even the littlest amount.
Mary, through tears, will tell Cas how she always told Dean that there were angels watching over him. And before Cas can make some comment about Dean being the Righteous Man and the interest of most of Heaven, she will place a hand over his and give him a motherly look that will convey all the things she’s not sure how to say— and the things she’s not sure Cas is ready to hear yet. And Cas will flush and look away, mumbling about how her son is very special to him.
And when she pulls him into a hug and murmurs thank yous into his shoulder, she will be comforted in the knowledge that her sons turned out to be wonderful men, and that they managed to stay together through everything. She will be comforted to know that no matter what happens, no matter her shortcomings as she tries to fill a role she never meant to leave, Sam will have Dean and Dean will have Cas.
And this time, when Cas tells her that she belongs here, she will believe him. And she will tell him that he belongs here, too.
And when Dean wakes up a few hours later and wanders in to find Mary and Cas still chatting over the table, he’ll be surprised— but pleased— to find Mary looking more at ease. He’ll be pleased when she gives him a warm hug and pats him on the cheek and tell him with all the sincerity that only a mother can muster that she’s glad that he met Castiel. And when Dean agrees, a little confused, Mary will just smile at him.
“I always said I’d like a third son.” She says, “so give him a reason to take our last name, won’t you?”
And Dean will splutter and turn fifteen shades of red as he steadfastly doesn’t look at Cas but mumbles something that suggests he’s not against the idea at all.
And Mary will laugh again and wink at an equally red Cas before heading towards the kitchen like “Cas said waffles are your favorite, so I hope you’re hungry!”
#mary Winchester could have been a good character#and the Mary&Cas friendship could’ve been everything#Mary deserved to learn about her sons from someone who loved them#and she deserved to see how they were never truly alone#like that whole scene I was screaming for Cas to talk to her#Cas helping Mary navigate the stress of situating herself into her boys life could’ve been so powerful#because he had to do that and he’d know#and Dean having cas to keep going to as he tried to cope with his own side of things???#im just saying#this show robbed us of a lot but this is one thing I feel especially bitter to have missed out on#Castiel#dean winchester#mary winchester#spn#supernatural#destiel#deancas
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When Cas confessed Dean his love, he had no expectations. He just wanted to say it. He just wanted for Dean to know he was loved unconditionally.
#cas was really like: im giving you myself. im giving you my truth. and i want nothing in return.#except for you to know you are loved fiercely and unconditionally. and you deserve everything.#that was some heavily romantic shit#destiel#spn 15x18
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anna x mary
#the story we all deserve tbh#annamary#marry winchester#anna milton#spn#supernatural#spn stuff#sapphicnatural#something something about mary leaving everything behind#something about her starting a life away from everything and meeting anna#something about the way dean and cas are basically mary and anna#but the cw fucked it up etc#moodboard#spn moodboard
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Hello, Dean
#THIS. THIS ACTUALLY TOOK ME WAY MORE THAN IT SHOULD HAVE PLEASE WATCH THIS#I migh or might not have also edited a bit the ending because fuck my life I can't see that tiktok-cut scene it just kills me. also fuck all#that yellow#i have mo regrets but please watch it#i tried my best it's now 4 am i have again. been possesed by the Destiel of November 5th#basically. basically 4 years ago i figured out that castiel always says Hello Dean#and . and just Once. Just once Goodbye Dean#honestly. i wish i could. eat god#anyway. i jave yes indeed edited the ending too because OT WAS ALREADY TWO AM WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DOEN??? STOPPED THEREEEE??? WHAT FOR????#so yeha. whatever fuck me fuck you fuck the cw and fuck everything we deserved at least a GOO d edited ending.#at least that#fuck fuck fuck#no but really you know#i understand everything and it's okay#but at least if you have to spit on my face one last time. at least make it count. make it worth it. make me FEEL LIKE YOU CARED#we deserved better. at least a good editing. at least that#but yeah happy nov 5h#nov 5th#nov 5 2024#spn#supernatural#destiel#dean winchester#castiel#deancas#:(#the internet is so lucky I'm not unemployed anymore. so. lucky#also it's so sad that Cas doesn't say Hello dean after season 11(12 if u wanna be precise) and all the others are just fake cas trying to#trick dean :((( i miss you cas i miss youuu
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love reading destiel AUs and I love to imagine that they got to meet and be together earlier in their lives, but god if there’s not a special place in my heart for those two old(er) men falling in love. It’s so pure to me, for them to have been through so much, both together and apart, before finally getting together. 😭
#I love those old men#they deserve everything#they are so in love#and it’s not just in spite of it all#Cas became himself at Dean’s side#and Dean sees a someone who has failed over and over trying to do the right thing#and Cas knows that everything that Dean does is for love#ahhhh#spn#supernatural#dean winchester#destiel#castiel#deancas#casdean
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AU where the Winchesters exist in the same world as the Shadowhunters. "Hunters" are known to the Nephilim as fanatics--mundanes who sought to become Shadowhunters but didn't make it in the Academy or weren't taken to an Institute, SO they tried to do things on their own. The few Hunters who know about the Nephilim think that they're a group of self-centered zealots.
#admin#dean winchester#shadowhunters#supernatural#au#alternate universe#nephilim#the shadowhunter chronicles#if Dean met Jace they'd probably argue. then when they have to fight something they're the most badass duo. like Legolas & Gimli...#I feel like Sam & Simon would have something in common#Magnus please help Dean realize that he's bi & he's deserving of Cas's love. I'm sorry you have to do everything. you should get paid more.
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not to be insane but Stephanie Brown is so underrated and i really do hate to say its misogyny but. well. It is.
#stephanie brown#batman#spoiler#this WILL get me shot but. steph is everything fanon tim wishes he was#i think i could write a whole dissertation on how if steph was a guy people would love him#like. obviously Some Men In Comics will not be happy with any female characters that aren't background wives or daughters#but this is so apparent with fandom that its kinda. boggling#know i shouldnt read too deep into it bc duke and cas get done dirty as well#(duke and cas are whole other rants. i love them both dearly and i DO think Cas should be Batmans heir bc she is literally the Ideal Fit#while WFA is great but has also reduced peoples perception of Duke to a reader insert that is still learning the ropes instead of like.#the robin gang leader who has been studying since birth to defeat the riddler. who has powers.#duke and cas are kinda insane and deserve that recognition is all so i dont go into another rant)#the way that people are so happy to have the batboys be complicated people (even when they reduce them down to core traits) but not steph#she's always the fun one#her struggle with being a completely average teenager fighting to be recognized and her struggles with self worth gets put to the side#oh for what? waffle jokes? yeah okay#ppl would be dickriding her so hard if she had an actual dick i KNOW it#ppl would be making tiktok mitski edits of her
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Here's a little awful thought
Dean prefers not having Cas at all than having him and then losing him.
That's why Dean never told Cas about his feelings for him. And he was right because as soon Cas did, Dean lost him.
(Might put that first sentence in one of my fics one day).
#destiel#deancas#dean winchester#castiel#spn 15x18#Despair#like dean thought he'll die during a hunt#he thought he'll lose cas as soon as he'll have him#and he was right for both#he died on that fucking rusty nail during a vampire hunt#and he lost cas seconds after he had him#it's tragic#destiel is a fucking tragic love story#dean's story is tragic#because he deserved better#so much better#dean i'm so sorry for you#you deserve everything#you deserve love#i hope you'll have it if a spn revival comes to life#i love dean winchester so much#my random thoughts about destiel
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whatever you do don't think about stanford era dean remembering his last birthday with his mom. he barely remembers because he was four and now he is in a bar in the middle of nowhere, maine and the fog on his brain and the buzz in his ears makes it even harder to focus but he tries, he tries so hard to rememeber the pattern on the dress mary was wearing that january day 20 years ago when she put that cake (strawberry and chocolate?) with four candles on the kitchen table. he remembers the bright winter sun outside and he swears there were a few other kids from his kindergaden around the table but he can't put a name to a face but he knows he wasn't alone and alone is all he feels right now. it's pathetic but he already tried to call john and sam. even though they're the ones who were supposed to call him, he thinks bitterly, and it's stupid, birthdays are stupid, it's a meaningless day, but he feels more abandoned than ever, sitting in some hole, wasting the last of his money for the cheapest beer. it's cold outside and john took the car so he stays in the bar; he thinks about playing pool but he already is seeing double so it's a non option. everything is dark and smells horribly and the bartender looks like he will kick him out pretty soon so he straightens up and tries to put a neutral expression on his face. he stumbles out of the bar a few hours later, a wreck, and sits on the nearest bench he finds, the river is rushing somewhere nearby, he can hear it, or maybe its the alcohol buzzing in his ears, he doesn't know, but he sits himself on that old broken bench under a crooked streetlamp and hides his face in his hands.
(oh, its a fic on ao3 now!)
#destiel#i guess#destiel fic#uhhhh#mine?#alcohol tw#stanford era dean#angst#this started as a textpost headcanon maybe i should put it on ao3?#i probably will someday#this deserves a continuation i think. sometjing about dean celebrating his 44 birthday now. with cas in bed#being cozy and everything but i can't writs smut#anyway#i dedicate this to anyone who knows how it feels to be alone at your birthday
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god the idea of a version of spn where uriel survives until the end is fascinating to me actually. i feel like part of the problem with castiel's character is that he's so disconnected, you'll get an angel a season there to work as castiel's parallel and then they're killed off and never brought up again. but uriel? the first one we see him with? who is so diametrically opposed to castiel in s4?
if he makes it to s5, does he team up with lucifer? he'd be the only angel that we know of who does. Abandon All Hope, but it's not castiel meeting a stranger, but Castiel also meeting with someone he considered a friend, who he would still consider a brother, and still having to tell him no. and Uriel throws his lot in with Lucifer, and that means he has to spend more time with demons? is there any part of him that looks at them and realizes that everyone on both sides is serving a god that doesn't want to look at them.
s6!! Lucifer lost!!! and that makes Uriel a traitor to Heaven so he can't go to Raphael, no matter how their goals may almost align (in the opening of the Cage, less so in who they're opening it for) and he can't go to Castiel! too much bad blood! too much betrayal! Where do you go during a civil war when both sides would prefer you dead?
Look, I don't know where this is going, but what I'm saying is, wouldn't it have been interesting to see Castiel and Uriel evolve as characters alongside each other. We know Castiel before Heaven gets blown to bits and falls, and that's why seeing the effects on him hurt so bad, the way he just loses more and more of what he tried to once save, uncovers more and more of how Heaven has been hurting angels. Just one other angel to react to that in a similar way but with a completely different viewpoint would have made it even more effective, and Uriel is perfect for that.
(I mean, in my mind, this ends as I always wish the whole heaven and angels arc in spn had, where those left over finally come together, look at the ruins that have been brought about, and take what they have been forced to learn to work together and build something better. rather than. you know. handing the reins to a three year old.)
#spn#supernatural#uriel spn#castiel spn#im not going to pretend uriel isnt an asshole. he is. have you considered this could be a good trait#spn but castiel has one 'friend' who looks at how he's being treated and goes. fuck this actually.#(they are not really friends. not anymore. but they are also two of the last angels. so who else do they have)#if we have to sit through multiple seasons of sam & dean going... yeah but. things that aren't human aren't worth protecting.#then it seems fitting to have a constant character to go 'actually everything that isn't human is fine. you all fucking suck.'#neither of them are right! big plot twist! spn but actually everyone deserves to live lmao#but actually have them fucking confront these things with each other.#with castiel at the center. just trying to mediate this. mostly failing.#NO WAIT IM THINKING ABOUT HUMAN!CAS ARC#BUT INSTEAD OF THAT RANDOM ANGEL GETTING CALLED BY CAS' SUICIDAL THOUGHTS#ITS URIEL. URIEL 'i'll kill her gentle' about anna being human SPN. LIKE. FUCK! THAT'S COMPELLING!#sorry im rambling about him he is so fun. he's a cunt. more characters should be and then not be punished by the writers.
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^ this song is so Andrew/Renee coded
#I could talk for hours about how they are mirror images of each other#obviously not everything is the same but they were breaking in similar ways#the biggest difference is that Renee got Stephane (I think that’s her name) while Andrew got Cas and subsequently Drake#Renee got love and support while Andrew was repeatedly broken by the people around him#not that her trauma is any less horrific I’m just saying that it’s just heartbreaking to see how similar yet so different they are#just because one got the help they needed and the other was left to rot in his own deteriorating mental health#anyhoo they deserve the world and I would kill for them#aftg#all for the game#the foxhole court#the foxes#andrew minyard#renee walker#aftg renee#Spotify
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I love kindred.
#Aaaaand we're done with Kindred#Pb's so good with magic/fantasy books they slayed with kindred#deserves a sequel actually. Everything's good imo even the prem outfits are gorge#Kaine and Rainier are mwah. They can kiss each other.#I looove MC she's so fun and not a goody two shoes. And our sisters! Saff and Mags i love u forever#Their talents are so freakin' cool.#I like Kaine's hooman names!! they're so pretty.#Ziyi was such a good LI she's already on my top 5#I will miss them SO MUCHKABDJAKNE#max-what-now#Please ignore#Cas and Ziyi are besties btw#Kaine got me giggling and kicking my feet when trystan doesn't#--oops kidding. I still love him as my bessy bestie best friend🖤
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Spn season 4 au where most stuff is the same, but Cas is in her 1901 female vessel the whole time, and she realises from the beginning that Sam and Dean think she’s a demon so she just rolls with that and pretends to be one for like the whole season. Also, she hates Dean right off the bat and is only associating with him begrudgingly (he prob makes some gross sexual comment to her on first meeting and that’s what did it idk).
#so basically she just tells them she’s a boss demon as strong as Lilith and if they do what she says to help her kill Lil#then she’ll rip up Dean’s soul contract#and that’s the premise they’re all going on#but ofc cas is secretly testing him and trying to get them to stop seals from breaking and everything they just don’t know about any of that#and then in the last 3 or 4 eps of the season it’s revealed that angels exist and that she is one and that she’s been playing them or whatev#and then things progress from there#I want her to be a girl to emphasise the nonbinary angel thing but also bc I love Misha as a person#but he gets annoying sometimes and I’m tired of his face#I just want the hot actress from the 1901 thing PLS#and she still ends up with Meg in later seasons and it’s a hot sapphic relationship GOD#also I should point out the misogyny isn’t the ONLY reasons she hates dean#she just sees how he treats people and how he hates anything that isn’t human and how he’s selfish as hell and probably a republican#and so she already doesn’t like him before she meets him#she begged her superiors to put someone else on the righteous man job but they said no so what ya gonna do#I need a fic#castiel deserved better#Cas meta#castiel#spn meta#spn 4x01#supernatural#lazarus rising#fem castiel#anti dean winchester#anti destiel
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Dean deserved to live Dean deserved to live Dean deserved to live DEAN! DESERVED!!! TO LIVE!!!!!
#dean winchester#a bunch of amazing gifsets of him are showing up on my dash#and that#along with hearing what the J moose said (joked)#about dean#has got me feeling BIG FEELINGS#about this guy#he deserved to live he deserved cas#he deserved EVERYTHING!
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You know what, for Dean's 45th birthday, which is tomorrow (January 24th), I only want to see posts about him being happy. I want to see pics of him smiling. I want to see GIFs of him acting goofily. I want to read about him being alive and loved.
No, wait, I don't want it. I NEED it!
Here's an example:
#dean winchester#happy 45th birthday dean#my favorite character#my love#my everything#you're alive#you're loved#you're happy#you're smiling#and we are smiling with you#I NEED to see all the love we have for him#like dean NEEDS cas#destiel#deancas#cas is showing him all his love today#as he deserves it#and we should do the same#i love dean winchester so much
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S6 is like if the writers had two cohesive plots they could flesh out and instead they just didn’t really for either of them
#like#it would’ve been cool to have more about cas and the war and how he betrayed Dean with Crowley#and like if we had even MORE godstiel#and then also they could’ve given Eve the power she DESERVED#and maybe she could’ve not been like the most anticlimactic death ever#they simply tried to do too much in one season and everything kinda felt surface level#spn
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