#carmy doing the most in front of marcus

[stoobfoobnoob]

let me do this for you

You're having a bad week, and Carmy notices.

5k words

Carmy x female reader, the beef era, I have no real knowledge of how a restaurant works lol, original character towards the middle ish with Jensen Ackles in mind, Richie being Richie, Carmy gets jealous and over thinks.

Walking into The Beef with noise-canceling headphones and the usual scowl on your face wasn’t what alarmed Carmy. It wasn’t the lack of greetings or eye contact. That was normal. You usually only spoke to the others when you got to your station and got situated for service. It was the look in your eyes. It was blank. Almost empty. 

“Ay-yo, Sebastian! You owe me five bucks!” Richie yelled from the front of the house. You two were friends. Great friends. Carmy always wondered how that started, and why you guys call each other different names almost daily. Today, you were Sebastian. What are you going to call Richie today? Yesterday, he was Vanessa. 

Carmy could hear Fak from the dining area warn Richie. 

“Dude? Didn’t you learn from last time?” He said, peeking through the window.

You came in last week, and Fak and Richie started bombarding you with questions about which one of them would win Survivor. Carmy could still picture the look on your face as they yelled in your ears. Deadpan and irritated, you said, 

“If the both of you don’t get out of my fucking face in two seconds, I’m shoving my knife so far up your asses you’re gonna taste the metal in your fucking mouths.” 

Carmy laughed to himself but quickly stopped when you turned to him and glared. Tina had to come in and set everybody straight.

“For what?” You were putting things into your locker. 

Richie gave Fak one of those looks, 

“The game! Your fucking loser Giants lost!” 

Carmy found out that you were from San Francisco when you got a notification on your phone from the SF Chronicles. 

He was impressed that you had a subscription to a newspaper.

He stalked your Instagram when he came back from New York after Mikey.

“You know what, Rebecca? I’m gonna keep my five dollars 'cause I never agreed to that fuckin' bet in the first place.”

Rebecca. Richie laughed, stormed into the kitchen, leaned on the counter, and started yapping. 

“Okay, Chef’s! We’re opening in 15. Syd- Brigade, remember? Tina, I need you on vegetable prep. Ebra, you’re on meat. Marcus, I can’t have dry bread again, please. Cousin, get back to your station. Jesus. Umm, Y/N, can you come to my office real quick?”

The cooks made it feel like you were headed to the principal's office. Carmy sits in his stained office chair and runs a hand through his hair. 

“I noticed you’ve been a bit slower on dinner service.” He’s fidgeting with the cord on the phone. You’re standing in front of him, all your weight on your left hip. 

“Sorry, Chef. Won’t happen again.” You said. There was a slight tone he picked up. Tired or annoyed. He couldn’t tell. 

“You okay?” He cares for all his employees. Carmy knows late nights and early mornings in a restaurant better than anyone. 

“I’m good, Chef. Thanks. I’ll pick up the pace.” You say as you’re already out of the office. 

Richie was outside eavesdropping the whole time, 

“Cousin, you never personally ask me if I’m okay.” He pouts.

“Shut up, get back to work,” he said, walking past him.

Syd’s station was already prepped and was doing rounds. You sighed, already knowing what she was gonna say. 

“Y/N, your sauce was good yesterday, but had too much salt.” 

Technically, you’re not in charge of sauce. At your last job, you were just a regular line cook. Ever since Carmy started running things, he’s been on everyone’s asses on stations and positions. Syd is enforcing that even harder now that she’s sous chef.

“Heard, Chef.” You’d fight it like any other cook in the business most of the time, defending your cooking like it was your dying breath, but today, you didn’t. Something was wrong. 

If Richie and Carmy weren’t yelling across the room, you and Richie would be going at it. If it wasn’t Richie you were fighting, it was Ebra (most of the time, it's you making fun of him for being old). Sometimes, when Fak was there, you gave him shit. You being this quiet was worrisome for everyone.

“Mama, you been gettin’ enough sleep?” Tina worried. 

You took a deep breath, trying not to burst into flames at her asking you. 

“Yeah, I’m good. Tina, I promise.” You smiled. 

Breakfast service wasn’t typically bad or hard to get through. Unless it was busier than usual, you just couldn’t get it together. Bumping into Ebra twice, almost knocking one of the pans off the stove. 

“Sebastian! I needed those fries for #12 like yesterday!” Richie yelled. 

“Y/N, fire two more beefs.” 

“I need the sauce for #9.” 

“Behind!”

Working in a restaurant is chaotic. Everyone knew that. 

“Y/N! These aren’t cooked, what the fuck are you doing?!” Richie’s voice was starting to get on your nerves. 

You open the door to the walk-in, not listening to the noise and the constant calling of your name.

A clash vibrated through the building, and Carmy was trying to take a backseat, preparing deliveries and orders for the week. 

The stock spilled all over the walk-in, and you were soaked. 

“Jesus fucking christ.” You said defeated. 

You’re standing there covered in beef stock and pieces of onion skin stuck to your cheek. Richie was laughing and trying to get a picture when Syd yelled for everyone to return to work and scrambled to get their orders done. Marcus was trying to help you out of the walk-in without slipping, and Tina was getting paper towels, 

“Y/N, you good?” Everyone is asking you, laughing, and making jokes. 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE! I CAN CLEAN IT UP MYSELF.” 

“Get back to work, Chefs,” Carmy intervened. 

“I got it, Chef, get yourself cleaned up.”

You just walked straight out to the back and crouched with your hands over your face, trying to keep yourself from crying. Smelling like onions and celery, you pulled a half-soaked cigarette from your pocket. 

“Y/N. If you need a day off- take it,” He crouches beside you, offering a fresh cig from his pack.

“I don’t need a day off,” you said, taking the nasty habit you picked up from Mikey to your lips. Carmy lighting it up for you.

“You’re struggling today, we can see it. We all have bad days, chef.”

“Try bad week,” You laugh. 

Carmy knows bad weeks. Bad months. Bad years. He starts getting flashbacks to his French Laundry days. The late nights and overbearing white kitchen haunt him at this very moment.

“Talk to me,” Carmy said softly.

You take a deep breath and chuckle, 

“My car is in the shop and won’t be fixed until two weeks from now. My apartment is infested with roaches, my shower isn’t draining correctly, my plants are dying, I haven’t had a meal that has any nutritional value in days, I can’t sleep, I’m overstimulated and annoyed all the time, and the only thing getting me through the day is just being here at The Beef. Still, I can’t even get anything right here either. I literally smell like beef, and I’m yapping to my boss like a baby.” 

Carmy is staring at his shoe, taking in all the information you dumped on him. There’s an uncomfortable silence. 

“How are you?” You asked, gazing up at the clear Chicago sky, desperately trying to get rid of the awkwardness.

Carmy doesn’t remember the last time he’s been asked that with a genuine intention of knowing how he’s doing. You knew exactly what he was going through; everybody did. It’s hard not to know. 

“Well, service just started, and we’re already behind. N-not because of you or anything.” He nervously tried to backtrack.

“Our shipment of meat was delayed, so the beef we have is all we have for two days-�� “Not about The Beef. How are you doing?” You’re looking at him now—same tired, sad look as when you came in. 

“Me?” Why'd he say that, he thought to himself.

“Mhmm,” taking a drag from your cigarette. “I’m hanging on. Sugar wants me to go to this AA thing.”

“I miss Nat,”

He forgot that you’ve been at The Beef longer than he has. He forgets that you knew Mikey better than he did. 

“We should get back,” he said, wiping his hands on his pants as he got up. 

The rest of your shift went as smoothly as it could. Mr. Bishop (your favorite regular) came in looking for you, got his usual number 6 and coffee, and sat in his favorite booth. There was no more knocking over pots, and you managed to get all your prep done for tomorrow, too. 

Syd and Tina gave you a pep talk afterward, saying that tomorrow will be better. Ebra gave you one of those hugs only a loving father can give. Richie offered to give you a ride home despite his license being suspended, and Marcus gave you a brownie. 

Before you left for the day, Carmy walked out of the office and leaned on the door frame. 

“Let me give you a ride.” It wasn’t even 10 pm, and trains were still running. 

“I’m not taking no for an answer,” Carmy said seriously. “Heard.” You whispered.

You waited for him to get his jacket and lock up. Then, you followed him to his car a block away from the restaurant. His car was old, like, no leather seats, and old-school console type of old. You quickly typed in your address into his beat-up phone and just coasted in the silence.

“This isn’t the way to my place, Carm.” You frantically shift in the passenger seat. You’re at a Target parking lot.

“I know, I just need to get a few things.”

The fluorescent lights were blinding you. He took a shopping cart, and you reluctantly followed him around the store. 

The cart squeaked through the relatively quiet store, and when you reached the aisle where they sell shower drains, the radio played 2000s pop songs. 

He picks one up without a word, and you don’t question it. Exhausted and dissociating. He aimlessly walks to the pest aisle and grabs a bottle of roach spray. 

He grabs laundry detergent and a pack of boxers for himself. You wander into the frozen pizza aisle and grab one for yourself, and he gets a pack of beer. It feels so domestic, like you’ve both done this together before. You pay for the pizza, and he pays for everything else.

“I wanna fix your apartment, if that’s okay with you?” he says, putting the stuff into the trunk. 

“You really don’t have to, Carmy.” Protesting in exhaustion.

“I want to.” He wants to fix your apartment for you.

The drive to your apartment wasn’t awkward. It was peaceful. You’ve never been alone with him for more than five minutes, so this should be weird. 

You take the elevator to your floor and walk a short distance to your door. A welcome mat is in front of the unit, and the dead plants are just sitting out. 

“Make yourself at home, I guess,” you said, taking off your jacket and shoes. Carmy did the same and left his Birkenstocks by the door. 

“This is a great place.” You had a red thrifted couch and a big fluffy rug. Pictures of you and your friends were on the wall. A shelf covered with books and more pictures. He noticed you didn’t have a suspicious number of cookbooks like he does. Instead, it’s Penguin Classics with Post-it notes tagged throughout. Sci-fi books, fantasy, romance, and non-fiction were also on your shelf. Anthony Bourdain had his dedicated shelf (I guess those count as cookbooks). 

You had a record player and stacks of vinyl records on the floor. Your kitchen was a lot nicer than his. You had a good coffee maker but an old toaster. 

He’s sitting at the island counter while you’re in your room. He can see the posters from where he’s sitting and the mirror in the corner of your room reflecting you taking off your chef's coat. He reminds himself that he’s being a creep. 

“I appreciate you doing this, Carm. Saved me a phone call with my landlord.” 

“You’d do the same for me,” he replied.

You pop your head through the door and furrow your eyebrows, 

“Really?” you laugh. It's the first time you laughed, he notes.

You grab him a cup of water, tie your hair in a bun, and beeline to the record player. 

“Guests can pick the music,” you gesture to the albums, and he runs a hand over his face nervously. Carmy gets up from his seat and over to you, sits on the floor, and looks through your collection. 

“Why do I feel like this is a test?” He chuckles.

“Because it is,” You said while putting the previous record away.

His calloused fingers run through the aged vinyl slips and pick out Fleetwood Mac.

“Good choice.” 

Carmy silently watched as you, put the plaque on the turntable and gently put the needle onto the grooves. The song began to play. 

“I didn’t know you collected.” He said. 

“Yeah, I started when I was in middle school. It was a pain in the ass getting them here.”

Right. You’re from California. 

“Why’d you move out here?” He asks.

“Umm. I’m not really close with my family anymore, and I have friends that go to school here. I mean, I love San Francisco, but I felt like I had some growing up to do. You know,” You said getting up from the floor.

You’re rummaging through the Target bag, grabbing the frozen pizza, and prepping the oven. 

It’s funny, you’re chefs but don’t always eat the most extraordinary things. 

Carmy is just watching you, watching you in your home. He starts to second-guess why he’s there in the first place. He’s beginning to wonder why you haven’t been mean to him. 

“I’ll get started on that drain,” he said, getting up from the rug. 

You nod your head and just scramble a few plates together. 

Your bathroom had candles and orange shower curtains. There was a pumpkin-shaped bath mat, and it smelled exactly like how he imagined it to smell. Your shampoo—the one he’d been smelling for the past few months, but he couldn’t quite place what it was. Apple and Honey. He took mental note of it. 

He pulled back the curtain to see the shower, which had dried eucalyptus leaves hanging from the head. Your body wash was on the floor, and there was a pool of water. 

He knelt on the floor, put the drain tool down the drain, and started moving it. It was a lot harder than he thought. 

You stood by the door frame, watching him try to unclog your shower. You could have done it yourself, but you wouldn’t have refused free service. 

You never noticed how long Carmy’s hair was getting or how his tattoos shifted when he moved his arms. His white signature T-shirt was riding up a little bit. 

“You doin’ alright?” You finally asked. 

“Yup- I think I got most of it.” He grunted. 

He could hear you laughing at him. Now that he thinks about it, this is weird. He’s your boss. This is something a boyfriend should do, or a boy-friend—aka Richie or Fak or even Marcus. The two of you aren’t friends. 

The two of you can hear the water finally slosh its way through the drain, 

“I think it should be good now.” He wipes sweat off his face onto his shoulder. 

“Good, great! Thank you, Carm.” You pat his back hesitantly. 

It was nearing midnight. You and Carm are sitting on the red couch. You decided to open a bottle of wine, and an album that Carmy had never heard of was on. 

“You’ve been working for The Beef for four years now?” He asked, glancing over at you.

You sip your wine and nod your head, 

“Yeah, I moved here right after I graduated college. Saw a help wanted sign and applied.” 

He gave you a look like he was trying to imagine you four years ago. He wanted to ask you what it was like working with Mikey. There was something in him that he didn’t want to know. 

“How’d you and Richie become friends?” 

“You think me and Richie are friends?” you laugh. Not thinking that Carmy was serious,

“Ummm, I don’t know. He’s funny, and he makes me laugh. I used to babysit when he and Tiff were still together.” Carmy nods twice. 

You wanted to ask him to stay over, but it was almost one in the morning. You didn’t.

“Shit, I should go.” Carmy looked at his phone. Realizing he’s overstayed his welcome. 

He put his glass and plate in the sink. (That was very considerate of him.) He then slipped his jacket on, and as he was putting on his shoes, you gave him a hug. 

Carmen is frozen. His breathing stops, and without even knowing, he puts his arms around your waist. He doesn’t even remember the last time he hugged someone. Your breathing syncs, and you can feel his heartbeat, 

“Thank you, Carmen. I mean it.” You whisper. 

What is going on? His head isn’t even thinking anymore; he’s only focusing on that you’re hugging him right now. It feels like a lifetime. He’s engulfed in your scent and the warmth of your hands, making him dizzy.

“Anytime, Chef.” 

He leaves. 

When Carmy got to his apartment, it was cold—unlike yours. It was bare and colorless. He plops onto his bed and replays the night over and over again until he falls asleep at the thought of you. 

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The next morning, he woke up later than he would’ve wanted. Quickly hopping into the shower, got dressed and jogged to his car. He got a whiff of your shampoo on his jacket and in his car. 

What the fuck, Carmy? She’s your employee. He thought.

When he got to The Beef, you were already there. Headphones on, tapping your foot to whatever you were listening to. 

“Carmy! I was able to get hold of another shipment; it should be here in an hour.” Syd cheerily said.

The chef quickly nods as he washes his hands, 

“Yeah, that’s great, Syd. Umm, breakfast service starts in 30 is everyone good?” 

Syd tells him that Marcus’s bread mixer isn’t working again, and Ebra will be late. Angel and Manny will also be late, and Tina has to redo her onion prep because Richie knocked it over in the walk-in. 

Carmy can feel his blood pressure rising, 

“What about Y/N?” He unconsciously asks.

Syd’s eyes grow wide, kind of shocked even to hear your name come out of his mouth, 

“Yeah, she’s good. She has everything ready to go. She can take over Ebra’s station till he gets back.”

“No, I’ll do it.” Carmy insisted.

Syd’s following him around the kitchen like a sick puppy, 

“I’ll do family, too.” He added.

A million thoughts are running through Sydney’s mind, but she doesn’t question it. 

You were feeling a hundred times better than you did yesterday. You could finally shower without having a pool of cloudy, murky water up to your calves, and you haven’t seen roaches crawl up your sink. The car shop called to say they could get your car done on the weekend, and you had a good breakfast. Your bad week is officially looking up. All because your boss came over and sorted it out for you. 

“Hey-” Carmy tapped your shoulders and pointed to your headphones. 

“Oh- right! Sorry.” You could swear there was a smile on his face just then. 

“Uh, whatcha listen’ to?” Small talk- great, Carmy was making small talk. This was basically flirting to him. Small talk with anyone who had nothing to do with food was his horrible attempt at flirting. 

“Beyonce.” Carmy was expecting some obscure band he’s never heard of, hoping he could ask you about it and talk more. Ask you if you want to go to the local record store and browse. Ask you if he could come over again. 

Shut the fuck up, Carmen.

“Cousin! Get this- so I was driving, right?” Richie bursts through the kitchen doors. 

“Isn’t your license like expired?” You question.

“Suspended, but that’s not the point. I fuckin’ saw -fuckin’ Cousin Stanley! He was walking, and I rolled down my window, called him while I was fuckin’ floorin’ it. Heh- he finally saw me, he’s fuckin’ bald as shit now, Carm.” Richie rambled.

Carmy doesn’t remember cousin Stanley. He doesn’t know why Richie is even telling this story. He’s looking at him through his brows. 

“Ew! Cousin Stanley’s bald?!” You exclaimed. 

Of course, you know who fucking Cousin Stanley is, and he doesn’t. Carmy walks away as the two of you continue talking shit about this cousin he can’t place. It doesn’t sit right with him now; you know so much of his life because of Mikey. 

The ballbreaker game is broken, and it keeps repeating the same thing over and over again. Frustrated, he pushes the front house door.

“NO!” Everyone said simultaneously.

He knows what everyone is going to say next, 

You unplug it; it won’t work again. 

Carmy pulls his phone out of his pocket to call Fak to come in and fix it for the millionth time when he feels a hand on his shoulder. 

“I know someone who can actually fix it,” You said softly.

The stressed-out, red-faced chef just nods. 

You make the call, and in 20 minutes or so, someone comes in, calling out your real name. Not the countless nicknames they call you. He is tall and has a full beard and a mullet. He wears dark double denim; it’s vintage, Carmy notes in his head, is tailored and straight cut, and he wears cowboy boots. 

“Raphy!” You practically screamed. (Raphy is Jensen Ackles)

Who the fuck is Raphy? What the fuck is a Raphy? What kind of name is Raphy? How the hell do you know this guy? He’s like 45! He’s good-looking and wearing good-quality denim. Carmy’s unexplainably jealous. 

“Carm- this is my, umm, my friend Raphael. He owns a repair business,” You’re smiling from ear to ear.

“Hi. I usually do motorcycle restorations. She’s exaggerating.” Fuck, his voice is exactly what he thought it would sound like. 

“Raphael?! My guy! Where the hell have you been?” Great- Richie knows him, too.

“Richie- good to see you, man.” Carmy hates this guy already. 

You and Raphael met through Mikey. He had a phase where he wanted to buy this old BMW R 18. Raphael helped you move into your apartment, gave you rides whenever you needed them, and introduced you to some good music. 

For some reason, he was also a perfect handyman. You fell out of touch for a bit when Mikey died. 

“Chef, I’ve done most of my prep. Is it cool if I stay out here for a bit?” You're asking him if you could be here with this Raphy guy instead of in his kitchen, where he can awkwardly stand beside you while you both work. He wants to say no, but he says yes. 

“Yeah just make sure he fixes this shit.”

“Not much of a talker?” Raphael asks. You pat his shoulder and shake your head. 

“That’s Mikey’s little brother? Doesn’t really look like him-” Richie then starts laughing. 

Carmen can hear you laugh from his office, and he can listens to that guy in his restaurant tell you how good you’ve been looking. About how you should’ve called him about your shower. Fuck him! I fixed it. I did that. Carmy thought.

“Chef, are you okay?” Sydney’s holding her clipboard to her chest, not wanting to know the answer to her question. 

“Yeah. I’m good, Chef.” He’s lying straight through his teeth. 

He really shouldn’t be bothered by this. You’re not friends. He spent one night over at your apartment to help. That’s it. He is your boss, nothing more. 

Finally, the ballbreaker song is back to normal. The clinking of Raphael’s tools stops, and you no longer giggle like a schoolgirl. Richie is back on the register. A sigh of relief washes over him when he hears the bell and the door shut. 

You walk back into the kitchen with a grin and rosier cheeks than when he saw you last. 

“Raphy was here?” Tina said, disappointed. Cool, so everyone knows this guy. 

You smile and mouth an excited ‘yeah.’

“If I wasn’t married- ooh the things I would do,” Tina says in a sing-songy way. 

Which garners a look from a very disturbed Marcus and Ebra. Syd is now curious and disappointed she didn’t look when she could. Carmy looks at you and sees you cheesing from ear to ear. 

“Me too. ME TOO.” Tina laughs at your comment. “Yo, David! Keep it in your pants, wouldya?” Richie said.

“Oh, please! Like you wouldn’t do him too if you were a girl??!” You replied.

Carmy leaves and takes a much-needed smoke break. Does Sugar know him? He wants to ask Tina who this guy is and why everyone but him knows him. He doesn't. He takes one last drag, throws it on the floor, and stomps on it.

The commotion over the hot motorcycle restorer has died down. The normal ebb and flow of a Chicago kitchen is back in motion, and everyone gets back to work.

Nothing shitty or unusual happens for the rest of service and Carmy is making everyone scrub the interior with toothbrushes and sponges.

Some random playlist is on, and you can feel everyone's exhaustion radiating off them like sweat.

Sweeps breaks the ice.

"It was good seeing Raphael again, huh?" Awesome. Carmy had temporarily forgotten about him while scrubbing the buildup on the stove's vent.

"He looks good. Healthy." Ebra adds.

"Who is he?" Carmy finally asks.

"Me and Mikey's other best friend. We were like two peas in a pod!" Richie snorts.

"Shouldn't it be the three musketeers?" Syd's eyeballs him.

Best friend? Mikey has other best friends who didn't always linger around the family?

"Yeah?" he replies.

"They met at this thing- a flea market?" Tina inquires.

"Estate sale." You say without missing a beat.

"I went with Mikey. He was obsessed with finding vintage shirts. Raphy was there looking for umm, what was it? Boots! Cowboy boots." You remember.

"You have a crush on em?" His intrusive thoughts got the better of him. Richie purses his lips together and does a lock and key motion.

"No! I mean, he's hot, but dude, come on?" Carmy hates that—the word hot coming out of your mouth in any other context than pots and stoves.

"I think you have a crush on him, or at least had a crush on him," Syd said.

"I remember the next day Mikey came in and started making fun of you cause you were basically drooling over him." Marcus laughs from across the room.

"I remember that too!" Sweeps adds.

"Wouldn't stop talking about him," Manny replies from the back.

You didn't mind everyone making fun of you; it was a silly moment in your life. It would have been even worse if Mikey had been there in person to reenact everything.

"He's not married?" Syd asks.

Please be married. Please be married with 4 kids. Please be in a loving happy marriage with his high school sweetheart. Carmen begged.

"He is uh- widowed." You said emphasizing the widow.

Fuck.

The rest of the night consisted of anecdotes of Mikey's life that Carmy would never have heard of otherwise. Tina's the first one to clock out, then the dishwashers, then Sweeps, and Marcus, Richie says his goodbyes, Syd punches out, and so does Ebra.

You stayed back. Sweeping the floor one last time, Carmy walked into the office. His head was hurting. Maybe it was from dehydration? Hunger? The chemicals he poured over the entire kitchen in an attempt to get the gunk off the tile?

"I'm gonna head out." You yell out from the lockers. Carmy walks out and leans against the doorframe.

"Do you have anything in your apartment I could fix?" You're joking, but not really.

He bobs his head down and gives you a tight smile, he didn't have anything to share. Everything in his apartment worked, he didn't have relics of his past to showcase and tell stories about.

The chef shook his head, crossed his arms, and stood stoically.

"That's a shame: goodnight, Carmen. See you tomorrow," you punch your card.

"Wait!" He doesn't know what he's doing. He has nothing to talk about. There's a sour taste in his mouth still from learning about Raphael. A bitter one because evidently, you knew his brother better than him.

You look at him, anticipating,

"Are you free?" He asks.

“Right now?” You reply.

He runs a hand through his hair.

"Carm, we have work tomorrow." You remind him.

"Yeah- right. No, umm, this Saturday. Are you free?" He's shaking inside.

"I should be. Why? Did you want us to come in or?" "There's this record store downtown. I was wondering if you wanted to go, " he blurted.

You kind of just stand there for a little bit. Shunned. Carmy's asking you to hang out outside of a work day? What's happening?

"Sure! I've been dying to do something other than cook, clean, repeat." You smile, which makes him smile.

"See you tomorrow, Chef." He says and lets you leave for the night.

Carmy couldn't stop thinking about all the things he wanted to do on your unofficial date on Saturday. His mind was reeling, and his stomach filled with butterflies he hadn't felt in so long. This consumed his every waking moment to the point that he had to force himself to sleep.

Saturday couldn't have come any slower.

[alisonsfics]

his little superstar

pairing: carmy berzatto x reader

summary: you’re a local singer in chicago. the bear crew ends up at one of your shows, and carmy is absolutely speechless the moment he lays eyes on you.

word count: 1.5k

warnings: awkward and bashful carmy that will make you MELT

“Do we really have to go to this thing?” Carmy complained. He had been convinced forced to go out to a bar by his friends. “C’mon, you need to get out. You spend too much in the kitchen screaming at us.” Richie added. So, that was how he ended up in a line outside a bar with Richie, Sydney, Marcus, Natalie, and Pete.

“Isn’t there supposed to be some singer here tonight?” Sydney asked, looking over at Nat.

“Oh, yeah. I think I saw a poster that said that. I saw her here last week. This friend from high school invited me for her birthday. She was really good though. Her songs were great.” Nat started to tell Sydney.

Carmy started to zone out, thinking about all the other places in the world he could be. Once every month, Richie made an effort to drag Carmy to some party or bar. If not, Carmy wouldn’t get out at all. If Carmy had it his way, he’d basically live at the restaurant.

When they finally made it inside the bar, Carmy rushed to the bar to order a drink. He’d barely gotten his drink when Nat and Sydney pulled him over to a high-top table that they found. He was already mentally doing the math on how long he needed to stay before he could leave early.

He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard Nat start cheering. He looked over his shoulder and saw you walk onto the stage. The last thing he was thinking about was leaving early.

He didn’t know what he expected, but you weren’t it. You caught him by surprise, and he felt a smile slowly start to form.

Carmy didn’t realize his mouth was hanging open until Richie elbowed him in the side. “Close your mouth. You’ll catch flies.” Richie teased, noticing the way that Carmy was drooling over you.

“Oh shut up,” Carmy said, rolling his eyes at Richie.

Throughout the show, you made eye contact with Carmy a few times. Every time you met his gaze his cheeks instantly turned bright red.

He stuck out to you.

Most people were drinking and chatting with their friends, blissfully ignoring your presence. Some were silently swaying to the music. Not Carmy. He had his eyes glued to you.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t playfully bat your eyelashes at him during some of the more flirtatious lyrics you sang.

After you finished your last song, you winked at Carmy before thanking the crowd and leaving the stage.

“Carmy’s got a crush.” Nat said in a singsong voice. Carmy’s cheeks were bright red. Richie slung his arm around Carmy’s shoulders. “Oh, you totally do, cousin,” Richie said, laughing at Carmy’s embarrassment.

“You all are children. I hope you know that.” Carmy said, pulling away from Richie and heading out the front door. He walked outside the bar and pulled out his pack of cigarettes.

He quickly lit one and tried to distract himself from the nagging that was waiting for him when he went back inside.

The stage door beside him swung open, causing him to jump backwards. “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think anyone would be out here.” The voice quickly apologized.

Carmy looked up and realized it was you. Every coherent thought left his brain. When Carmy realized he hadn’t replied, it was too late to say anything.

You noticed how timid he was. His eyes were glued to the ground, and he hadn’t said a word. “So, did you like the show? I saw you in there.” You asked him, as though he wasn’t overly aware that you’d been watching him all night.

“Oh yeah yeah— it was good. I mean…just wow, you were great.” Carmy said, quickly mumbling through the words.

He was too busy avoiding eye contact to notice the smile on your face. You definitely thought Carmy was cute.

“I don’t think I’ve ever gotten such a raving review before.” You playfully teased him. Carmy finally looked up at you. He was partly shocked he hadn’t scared you away yet.

“Sorry,” he said, sheepishly. You took a step closer to Carmy, testing the waters. He didn’t move away. “Don’t be. It’s cute,” you said, subconsciously twirling your hair around your finger.

Carmy felt like his skin was on fire. You were looking at him. He felt like all of a sudden he couldn’t remember how to breathe.

“I’m Y/N, by the way,” you said, sticking your hand out. He quickly switched his cigarette into the other hand, so he could shake your hand. “I’m Carmy.” He said, giving you a small smile.

“Oh, shit. You’re the guy. The Bear guy.” You said, remembering seeing his name in a newspaper. If it was possible, he started blushing even more. “Yep, that’s me. Have you been? To the restaurant, I mean,” he asked you.

He started worrying about the possibility of you having already gone to the restaurant and seeing him in one of his arguments with Richie.

“No, I haven’t had the chance yet. I don’t know a lot about food. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to truly appreciate it, but maybe if I had someone to teach me and explain it to me…” you suggested, giving Carmy a smile.

His jaw dropped, and his cigarette almost fell out of his lips. “Wait…me?” He asked, feeling like he was definitely in a dream. You giggled at his shock. “I mean, you are the chef.” You said, nudging him.

“Just to be clear, like a date?” He asked.

“That’s up to you, Romeo,” you said, brushing a piece of his hair behind his ear. You watched him shiver as you touched him.

“Can I umm…get your number?” He nervously asked you. You quickly grabbed a pen out of your purse. “Took you long enough,” you said, giggling at him.

You grabbed his hand and quickly scribbled your number on the back of his hand. He stared at it for a few seconds. Carmy was having trouble processing any of this conversation.

“You’re really pretty.” Carmy said, feeling a bit braver but not a lot.

“Thank you. That’s really sweet. You’re also very pretty.” You said, giving his hand a quick squeeze.

Carmy dropped his cigarette and stomped on it. “I should probably go back in. I don’t want to keep you.” He said, starting to walk back towards the front door.

“Hang on a second, pretty boy,” you called after him, stopping him in his tracks. He turned around to face you, confused and nervous. “You forgot something.” You said, taking a few steps towards him.

He instantly checked his pockets. You grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in to kiss you. It took him a second to kiss you back, having to process his initial shock. Once he kissed you back, he was still too nervous to touch you.

“I’m not going to break, I promise,” you teased him. You grabbed both his hands and moved them to wrap around your waist. He tightly held onto your waist and didn’t let go. You pulled him back into the kiss, letting your fingers run through his hair. He lightly hummed against the kiss, causing you to smirk.

You pulled out of the kiss. “You better call me.” You jokingly warned him.

“Don’t think I could forget if I tried,” Carmy said, as you headed back inside through the stage door.

He let out a sigh and raked his fingers through his now-messy hair. “She’s perfect,” he mumbled to himself. He took a few deep breaths before heading back inside.

“Ay, he’s back. We were starting to think you left, Carm.” Nat said, as Carmy rejoined their group.

“Holy shit,” Richie said, staring at Carmy in shock. Carmy froze, having no idea what Richie was talking about. “What?” Carmy asked, cluelessly.

Richie just chuckled at Carmy’s clear confusion. “Who were you outside with?” Richie asked, smirking at him. Carmy’s eyes went wide. “What—uhh what do you mean?” Carmy lied.

“So, that’s your own lipstick that you’re wearing?” Richie asked. Carmy realized what he meant and started furiously trying to wipe your lipstick off his lips, causing the whole group to start laughing. “So who was it?” Nat asked. Carmy refused to even look her in the eyes.

Then, Sydney spotted something on his hand as he tried to remove the lipstick. She grabbed his wrist and flipped his hand over. They all saw your name scribbled on his hand next to a phone number.

“Oh, shit. You got yourself your own little superstar, cousin?” Richie said, in shock.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Carmy said, pulling his hand away from Sydney. Carmy knew what teasing awaited him for the rest of the night. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m impressed. I didn’t think you’d be able to pull that off” Nat teased him.

Carmy wasn’t offended. He also was left wondering how he managed to get your phone number.

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Let me know if you want to be added to my taglist for all my imagines or for a specific character/fandom!!

[0-mangocake-0]

Slow Rise | Chef Luca x OC | The Bear | CH.1

Premise: Amelie came to Denmark on Carmy's recommendation, chasing a reset after burnout and disappointment in Chicago. Staging under Luca was supposed to be purely professional-early mornings, late nights, aching feet, and no emotional entanglements.

But from the moment she stepped into his kitchen, everything became... complicated.

Luca is calm where Amelie is chaotic, precise where she's impulsive, distant in all the ways that make her want to get closer. There are glances that linger too long, arguments that carry the sharpness of something unspoken, touches that happen too often to be accidental-but nothing crosses the line. Not officially.

The kitchen becomes its own language: tension folded like laminated dough, sweetness hidden beneath structure, heat rising steadily between them. And Luca? He notices everything. The way Amelie handles her pastry. The way her breath catches when he leans too close. The way her walls come down, one slow crack at a time.

The real problem? He wants her. But Luca doesn't break rules. Not his own. Not unless he already has.

In the pressure cooker of a Michelin-starred kitchen, something always boils over. The only question is: when it does, will either of them survive the burn?

Word Count: 1058

THE STORY CONTINUES HERE!!

Chapter Title: Spandauer

The kitchen was silent. Everyone had gone home after a long shift. Orders went out, plates came back clean, but it still wasn't enough for Amelie.

The sound of toppers opening, eggs cracking, sugar hitting metal—each movement felt like a lifeline. The scent of marzipan bloomed through the empty space, sweet and grounding. Every step mattered.

The clock had just hit 4:00 AM, and the only thing keeping Amelie sane was the Spandauer in the oven. She stood in front of it, arms crossed, heart in her throat. Once the timer beeped, her chest tightened. She needed it to be perfect.

She slid on the oven mitts, pulled out the tray, and stared down at the pastry she'd spent the last four hours crafting.

She had fought her way into this kitchen—Chef Carmen Berzatto's kitchen. People told her she had what it took to be an Executive Chef, but Amelie's love had always been pastry. From a young age, she understood that the smallest details—the flake of a crust, the balance of sugar and almond, the chill of the butter—mattered more than anything.

She'd always loved the way something fragile and delicate could transform through heat and patience into something golden, layered, complex. It was in these quiet moments—before sunrise, when the city slept and the kitchen breathed—that Amelie felt most like herself. Pastry wasn't about feeding people. It was about telling stories with sugar and butter, saying the things she couldn't put into words.

The Spandauer looked flawless—puffed layers, gleaming custard, a sheen of glaze just beginning to set. A smile tugged at her lips. But she didn't celebrate. Not yet. Marcus and Carmy always had something to say.

As if summoned by thought, she heard footsteps. Soft, deliberate. Carmy.

He appeared silently beside her, eyes narrowing just slightly as he inspected the tray.

"Looks good, Chef," he said after a beat, voice low. "But the edges could be cleaner. The marzipan—too sweet. You want balance. Complexity."

Amelie bit back the frustration rising in her throat. This was what she both dreaded and craved—the scrutiny, the pressure, the unrelenting push for more.

"I'll adjust," she murmured, already running through ratios in her head.

Carmy's gaze softened. Just a fraction. "You're getting there, Chef. But you still have a long way to go."

Her patience snapped.

"What am I supposed to do?" she burst out. "Every time I submit something for the menu, it gets rejected. It's bullshit, Carm."

Her voice cracked under the weight of exhaustion. "I've asked Marcus for help. I've stayed late, every night, working on this—on me—and I still feel like I'm stuck in a fucking boat with no direction."

Carmy was quiet, the guilt barely veiled in his expression. He knew what he was asking of her. But this was the brutal truth of fine dining. Pressure. Fire. Sacrifice.

"That's the job, Amelie," he said finally, not harsh, but firm. "No one hands you a menu slot. You carve it out. With blood, if you have to."

She let out a bitter laugh, placing the tray down with more force than necessary. "I have been carving it out, Carm. Every night. While everyone's out, I'm here. Working, failing, trying again. And nothing changes. I'm starting to think I don't belong here."

"I didn't come here to be a fucking nuisance."

"You're not," he said, softer now. "You're just... early. Ahead of your time, maybe. But if you want people to notice—really feel your work—you have to give them more than technique. Give them something to remember."

Amelie turned to him, eyes bloodshot but burning. "The food does feel like something. It's mine."

"I know." Carmy sighed. "But it's not just about you. It's about who's eating it. And right now? They're not there yet. Doesn't mean you're wrong. Just means you've gotta wait for them to catch up."

Silence. Heavy. Tense.

Then, gently, "You talked to Marcus?"

She nodded. "Yeah. He's been trying. But he's got his own stuff."

"He always does," Carmy muttered. Then paused. Thought. A glint of something sparked in his eyes.

"I've got an idea... but you'll have to throw everything you've got into it."

Amelie blinked. "What is it?"

He leaned against the Aboyeur station. "I have a friend. One of the few people who helped me when I was starting out. He's a pâtissier. Like Marcus."

Amelie frowned. "I'm a pâtissier too."

Carmy chuckled at her indignation. "Believe me, Amelie—you're not near his level."

The comment stung more than she expected. Who the hell was this guy?

"I sent Marcus to him a while back," Carmy continued. "And he came back... changed. Better. He found whatever it was he was missing and owned it. Now, it's your turn."

Carmy's gaze was steady. "You're a prodigy, yeah. That's why I gave you this position in the first place. But talent won't keep you here. Not in this industry. You need depth. Patience. Fire."

Amelie felt a shiver run down her spine. The kind that came before a storm. Or a breakthrough.

"I already talked to him," Carmy said. "Told him about your work. Showed him your pastries. He owes me some favors, so... he's agreed to take you on."

Amelie blinked. "Wait—you planned a whole trip, 4,000 miles away, with a guy I've never met—just to 'sharpen my skills'?"

"Yeah," Carmy said simply. "Denmark. Two months. Unless you're too scared."

She opened her mouth to argue—but nothing came out.

"He's been watching your work," Carmy added. "Quietly. He's got opinions. Ask questions. Challenge him. He won't sugarcoat anything, but he'll respect you. That matters."

She hated how much that last part made her chest twist.

"Fine," she said after a moment. "I'll go."

Carmy gave a faint, crooked smile—barely there, but real. "Good. Now go home before you collapse. I want your head clear tomorrow. There's a difference between desperation and hunger. Don't confuse the two."

Amelie nodded, though the fire in her chest refused to die down. As Carmy disappeared into the hallway, leaving her alone with the low hum of fridges and the fading scent of pastry, she looked down at her Spandauer one last time.

Too sweet. Too soft. Not enough edge.

She could fix that.

[yannaryartside]

CARMY IS NOT AN AVOIDANT

A brief revision of attachment styles

This may be a little random, and I may be wrong, but I'm a little frustrated with the people, especially those who support Clairexcarmy, who say Carmy is an avoidant, and that's where the conflict lies in their relationship. Additionally, this directly dismisses the other factors at play, such as the fact that Claire is a parallel to Donna or the superficiality of their relationship. But for now, let's get back to attachment styles.

I'm not a psychologist, but I have been reading this book, and I have a few thoughts. @thoughtfulchaos773 wrote an excellent essay covering Carmy's pursuit of Sydney, and his examination of her in conversations, which I revisited while thinking about this. The GIFs in this post also belong to that post.

Attachment styles refer to the ways in which individuals approach and respond to intimacy. For me, Carmy is not an avoidant; if he is, perhaps he is anxious-avoidant, but that type is quite rare, and I think he mostly falls into the anxious attachment style. I will not be quoting the book here but I will get you some definitions that align with it.

An anxious attachment style is characterized by a strong desire for closeness and intimacy in relationships, coupled with a fear of abandonment and rejection

Anxious attachment styles are also more common in people with abusive or narcissistic parents. For what we know, Donna despised Carmy since his birth, and an anxious attachment style correlates more with a person who never bonded safely with their caregiver.

I didn't see one Clairexcarmy scene that displayed avoidance of intimacy. If anything, once he let himself believe he could have a girlfriend, he leaned so heavily into the intimacy Claire gave him that he didn't realize Claire was love-bombing him. The relationship is superficial, yes, but the intimacy feels real, at least for Carmy, even if they don't really know each other. There is not a single scene where Claire is like "let's do this" and Carmy says no, not even when it would have been a natural response or clear boundaries, like the frat party or being absent from the restaurant. He is so desperate for intimacy that he doesn't realize the parts of himself that suffer because of it, and that includes the panic attacks he gets because of her.

Carmy is also in alignment with the mindset of an abused child, some of whom avoid conflict at all costs. He is trapped in the freeze response, which is something you feel when you are in danger. He developed that response by being paralyzed by fear in front of his mother, unpredictable and violent displays of rage.

But it is in his interactions with Syd, one of the most genuine relationships he has, the one based on a healthy dynamic, that his anxious attachment tends to show the most. He stresses a lot when he notices her retreating from him. He wants to please her, and when his efforts to create intimacy with her don't work, he gets quite defensive and combative. That's kinda the root of lines like "This is what you wanted" and "I gave you what you wanted." His brain is basically yelling at him: "You are not doing enough for this person to love you," like he felt with his mother, which of course hurts him.

All this is extremely interesting to me, because you know who I would actually consider an avoidant?

Sydney!

One of the most common romantic pairs (and sometimes quite damaging) is an anxious person paired with an avoidant person. I would love if the show were totally dedicated to exploring this dynamic between Sydney and Carmy, because there is a lot to untangle.

There was this post about how Sydney never tells her father that she loves her, never out loud. She was also unable to look Marcus in the eye after he asked her out. And what does Sydney do every time Carmy tries to talk about something in her life outside work? She changes the subject or fails to fully engage. Funny enough, both when they are making pasta and in this scene, cutting fruit, Carmy asks something about her dad, and in both scenes, Sydney changes the subject.

This may be a clue as to where this avoidance originates. I think it is fair to say that Sydney is not always the most transparent with her father. I think she feels that she can't show all her fears and worries because she either doesn't want to appear as lost as she feels, or she believes that sharing them may make the situation worse. I don't have enough to make a conclusion about it, but she didn't get that sentiment of "It's scary to rely on someone" out of thin air. We don't see her having friends. I think she was pretty lonely growing up, or maybe it has to do with the failed romantic relationship she had. For all of this, I would call her an insecure avoidant.

Individuals with this style tend to prioritize independence and self-sufficiency, often struggling with intimacy and emotional closeness in relationships. They may have difficulty expressing their feelings and may push others away to avoid feeling vulnerable.

The thing is, Sydney is also emotionally mature and patient, which gives Carmy the reassurance he needs. Scenes like the table scene also show how she reaches for intimacy and vulnerability with him, but only when she feels secure enough to do so. Which is also the reason why, at this moment in the show, they are at an impasse. She cannot be truthful unless she feels secure, but perhaps she needs to value herself to resolve their conflicts instead of waiting; she doesn't trust herself to make choices, even emotionally.

[angelcakestarlet]

salvatore

richie jerimovich x reader - richie makes carmy regret hiring the cute young waitress

wrote dis quick, messy, nd did not look over it but enjoy! :>

"so um look, natalie is going to be training you this week alright" carmy informs you as he sifts through a pile of papers scattering his desk. "you ever serve before?", "for a few months yeah, it's been getting me through college so" you twiddle your thumbs nervously. the restaurant was certainly... intimidating? going to school in chicago you had stopped by a couple times for lunch or drunk off your ass after the club. even while slurring your words you could remember how fucking good that sandwich was. even if most of it was puked up in the bushes out front.

"yo, cousin!" an abrasive voice comes stumbling through carmy's office door without warning, "sugar is out here telling me some bullshit about you hiring servers? look we don't need that shit. a sandwich comes out i fucking hand it to them, boom. why are you gonna pay some dipshit to do it for me?". you turn around to face the loud voice, being met with a tall, tan, buzzcut typical line cook with a deep accent. "jesus fucking christ, one of these 'dipshits' is standing in front of you richie." carmy yells back, obviously pained to have you witness that. "ah shit-" richie steps back to get a full length view of you, taking you in. his gaze felt like an intrusion. "i'm sorry, doll, richie jerimovich." he envelopes your hand in his calloused and rough one, introducing himself. "you know what i'm sorry, cousin, anyone with a set of eyes would hire her too" he snickers, with his hand still atop yours he takes his eyes away from you to acknowledge carmen. "cousin, get the fuck out, you fucking creep!" signaling for the door. "oh my god" richie sighs dramatically, "i'm stating the fucking obvious alright, you need marcus to come in here to tell you the same thing? yo, marcus!" carmen rushes to shove richie out the door, "i'm sorry, i couldn't help myself! look, you're beautiful, sweetheart!" he lets out one last compliment. you giggle to yourself and the man making a spectacle of himself.

carmen shuts the office door and sighs, rubbing his forehead with his tired hand. "i'm sorry, he's... he's a fucking jagoff." you appreciate the apology, but having worked in a restaurant has you accustomed to the snickers and comments from line cooks and customers alike. most of the girls usually brush it off, leaving them disgusted and a distaste for the job for the next few hours. but, your guilty pleasure has become using it to your benefit. free food from cooks, more money from tips, etc. you're sure you could work richie to your benefit just the same. "don't worry about it, he seems... nice" your ease settles carmy and he snickers, "you could say that i guess".

you follow natalie around the restaurant for the next few hours as she takes you through the front of the house and back, introducing you to everyone and all the standards. when five o clock hits, she lets you go, handing you an apron, a t-shirt. and a name tag. thanking her and setting out to find the back alley for a quick ciggy. you find richie lighting a cigarette in the dimly lit alley, "can i bum a cigarette?" you sit down beside him, smelling the smoke clinging to his shirt. "its your first day and you're asking me for shit?" he looks over at you and you notice his evident wrinkles, veins in his neck, and tired eyes. "pretty please?" you look up at him, turning your whole body to face him with a sweet smile on your face. he rolls his eyes playfully, "you know what you're doing huh?" he says as he pulls one more cigarette from its box. "open." you scrunch your eyebrows, confused at his request. his eyes shift to your lips, taking two fingers and tapping your cheek signaling for you to open your mouth. "come on," you separate your lips and he places a cigarette between them, lighting it swiftly. you feel your cheeks get warm, from the cigarette or from his words you don't know (yes you do). "thank you" you say quietly, still stunned a bit. "you know you're gonna ruin that sweet face smoking" he coughs through the lit cigarette. "oh are you telling me what to do now, richie?" you lean back, eyes entranced by the way his hands make the cigarette almost look like a lollipop stick. "a girl like you is probably looking for someone to tell her what to do, sweetheart". as you're trying to figure out whether that just pissed you off or turned you on, carmy bursts through the back door. "cousin, what the fuck are you doing?! we need you in the kitchen, now please! and leave the new girl alone, jesus" carmy yells as richie stomps on what's left of his cigarette and puts his hands up in defense. "i'm coming, fuck off. it was a pleasure, babe" he shakes your hand and makes his way inside. you peer at the closed door, listening to the muffled argument carmy and richie have in front of it. great first day.

[faerygrant]

carmen berzatto in a relationship thoughts and headcanons

summary: just my personal opinion of how I think carmen would realistically act in a relationship.

୨୧ he doesn’t use pet names often, maybe not until the fourth or fifth month when he’ll occasionally start to use “babe” or “baby” but even then he mostly just uses your name.

୨୧ he isn’t into pda, he enjoys hand holding and will proudly hook an arm around your shoulder but that’s the furthest he goes, especially around his staff.

୨୧ he’s not ashamed at all, he just doesn’t enjoy sharing his private life with others. therefore he doesn’t really rush into telling the staff or his family about his relationship.

୨୧ is childish and will project his anger, insecurities and faults onto you when he’s upset, which in a twisted berzatto way means he loves you. ( something he learned from his mother and mikey)

୨୧ doesn’t really say I love you very often, but he shows it in his actions. It’s clear from the way he’s set on taking care of you through random acts of kindness.

୨୧ can be the biggest sap when he wants to, bouquet of flowers, desserts baked specifically for you from Marcus, michelin star home cooked meals and cute little notes he leaves around.

୨୧ big listener! If you mention wanting/ liking even the most substantial things Carmy remembers. Literally a cute bra you saw online that was a bit pricy, you mention it in passing and the next week it’s arrived in a fancy box at the front door.

nsfw

୨୧ he very rarely initiates sexual encounters, specifically for the first few months because he never wants to make you uncomfortable, no matter how many times you assure him you’re not.

୨୧ isn’t very vocal in bed besides a few “fucks” “shits” or the occasional grunt and groans.

୨୧ he’s a big giver, always asking if you feel good, if you’re close and if you came. doesn’t let you leave the room unsatisfied.

୨୧ he secretly likes when you cry from pleasure but freaks out the first time you do, because he genuinely thinks he hurt you (his biggest nightmare)

୨୧ enjoys intimate sex rather than rough, loves taking his time with you and if he’s feeling good will whisper quiet words of affirmation to you.

୨୧ loves it when you take his dangling chain into your mouth, absolutely drives him insane.

୨୧ also enjoys letting you take the lead most of the time, he’s not a dominant person in bed.

[competitioneddie]

I want to talk about The Bear and scenes where Syd is bathed in glorious sunlight while Carmy is in the dark because that right there is their dynamic.

So they're fixing this table and the light coming in from the window behind Syd puts her in perspective for us just like she was when Carmy asked her to take the plunge with him and they've come so far but they're also at the starting point again, about to do something crazy. Together.

Carmy has been struggling to reconcile running his own restaurant with dating Claire and her ties to his past. I do think he loves the idea of sticking it to his family more than he loves her. He did it. He got the restaurant. He got the girl.

Then he notices all the little things that aren't up to his psychopathic standards because he wasn't there. He runs Sydney's own chaos menu by her only after Claire tells him okay that sounds good maybe listen to Syd. And Syd says I'm not jealous and she's not. She feels betrayed. Carmy should want to listen to her. She's giving up everything, they all are, because this needs to come first. She makes an omelette for Nat and she adds chips and chives because she loves cooking more than anything else. That's her priority. She's been rebuffing Marcus so this big moment where her dad starts believing in her could happen.

Meanwhile Carmy is once again isolated, realising that he can't do everything on his own and he needs to get his priorities straight. Everyone has stepped up and had this big moment of growth, and he hasn't, because he was the prodigal son, everyone just had to trust him with this, but he doesn't know what he's doing, he only knows he needed all of them to be on board and be the best at it, and he isn't. He isn't on board. He isn't the best. He didn't make it.

This was not his dream. He dragged everyone along for this and he hasn't even been around for it and he's met with that truth, fixing a table in the most intimate way possible with Syd on their opening day. Getting stuck in the walk-in is the final nail in his coffin. He is alone. He's lost sight of his purpose. His partner needs to come first and if he can't do that he doesn't deserve Syd and the restaurant, and he did this to her.

Claire should have never happened. The universe is screaming at him. Claire should have never happened and he's missing his own showtime because he didn't listen, he wasn't there to watch Syd slowly unravel and give up everything for this crazy idea he roped her into.

But she helps him fix the table. She takes the reins when Carmy gets stuck. She sees the night through. And he sees her in all her glory and thinks, she deserves to trust me.

Carmy is so desperate to be devoted to something on a fundamental level and it was there within reach it was so so close, like fixing a table, like going through hell together, and the only thing he had to do was trust, but he has never trusted anyone in his life before. This is his big moment. And of course Syd is front and center for it.

[collecting-stories]

Strawberry Gazpacho - Carmen Berzatto

A/N: Some people asked for a part 2 of Blueberry BBQ, so I decided to stay on the fruit trend!

Summary: Reader and Carmy continue to bond over food.

The Bear Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

"What is this?" You asked, staring down at the bowl Carmy had placed on top of your papers. You were in the back office, trying to work on the week's payroll when he'd come in, told you that you needed a lunch break, and placed a plate down in front of you. 

"Try it," he urged, wringing his hands in his apron and looking like an eager little kid. 

"Carm-"

"Try it," he repeated and you obliged. Regardless of what it was you knew you would like it. Carmy made it, which immediately meant it couldn't be bad, but also, Carmy made it. For you, more specifically. You took the proffered spoon and dipped it into the bowl, surprised when you pressed it to your lips and found that it was, in fact, cold.

"Gazpacho?" You asked, after a second bite.

You had told him last night, while watching TV and letting him finish the tupperware of tofu feta that's you'd made the day before, that you hated gazpacho. You loved soup and tomato was your favorite; a nice, roasted red-pepper tomato, heavy on the garlic, that you'd perfected over the years. But no gazpacho. You couldn't get used to the fact that it was cold. 

"You like it?" He asked in a way that suggested he might genuinely be worried that you would tell him it was horrible.

"I mean, it's the best gazpacho I've ever had," you took another bite as proof, "it's spicy."

"But?"

You weren't sure if he was fishing for a compliment or trying to convert you onto a food you held in disdain but you assumed that if he wanted someone to tell him that he was a skilled chef he would've gone to Syd or Marcus with his cold soup.

"It's cold soup Carmy, I just can't fuck with cold soup." You replied, "it's good though."

He reached for the spoon in your hand and dipped it into the bowl, trying some of the gazpacho that he had made. He nodded his head, as if to confirm that it was good, as if he didn't already know it would be.

"Should I like, fall over at your feet and tell you that you've converted me to gazpacho and it's the only thing I'll ever order for the rest of my life?" You teased, leaning an elbow on the desk. It felt completely natural to be this relaxed with him and yet, just weeks earlier, you'd been fretting over the idea of having him come over for Sunday dinner. 

He handed the spoon back and you took another experimental taste.

"I mean, you're still eating it," he pointed out, grinning. 

In no world would Carmy say that he was 'good with people'. If he wasn't saying the wrong thing then he was saying nothing at all (and that was also wrong). He wanted to spend more time with you, the most time he could afford outside of The Beef but the only way he really knew how to spend time with anyone was cooking. So he kept cooking for you, things you liked, things you hated but liked when he made them. He kept trying to find the perfect thing to say and the perfect recipe to go along with it, as if that would remedy his inability to tell you that he wanted more from whatever this situation currently was. You weren't dating but he wanted to be dating but he wasn't exactly the dating type (as far as having an actual open schedule went). 

"Touche," you replied, taking another bite. "I can't decide if I'll regret telling you this or not but my mom has a recipe for strawberry gazpacho that apparently my grandma used to make every summer."

"Strawberry?"

"I can already see the gears turning in your head Carmy," you laughed. 

He looked down at you, piercing blue eyes taking your measure, "can you get me the recipe?"

"Are you gonna make me eat it?" You practically pouted. 

He nodded, "yes."

You groaned and leaned back in the office chair, "god, the things I do for you Carmy." You sighed. "I'll text my mom for the recipe...I can pick stuff up on my way home, if you want. Or if you're all gazpacho'ed out-"

"No, tonight works." He agreed.

Before you could say anything else Marcus was calling Carmy back to the kitchen. He wiped his hands on his apron once more and push himself off the desk. Before he could pick up the bowl you put your hand over his, "I might try another bite." 

There were other things that Carmy could probably be doing with his evening. Catching up on sleep, working on the recipes that he and Syd had been spitballing for the updated menu, mending whatever semblance of a relationship he still had with Sugar. Instead he was looking forward to going to your apartment (which was leagues nicer than his shitty place) and cooking. He'd lived so long on white bread and peanut butter and chips and soft drinks and anything quick that he'd forgotten what it was like to cook just because he enjoyed cooking. Hell, he'd forgotten that he enjoyed it. The only thing, lately, that really felt like it brought that enjoyment back was standing in your kitchen.

"Rigoletto has taken up residence on the island and he refuses to move so...we're down some counter space," you said as soon as you opened the door to Carmy, moving aside to let him into your apartment. 

He stopped at the island, leaning over to pet Rigoletto, who half-heartedly rolled onto his side to give Carmy better access to his stomach. "Hey chef," he teased. He turned to look at you, still stroking the cat as he did, "strawberry gazpacho?" 

"I would just like to disclaimer that I don't think strawberries are going to improve my deep-seated hatred of gazpacho but-"

"I mean, you did eat most of the one I made earlier," Carmy pointed out as your mouth fell open in surprise. 

"Angel! What a snitch!" You laughed, "I can't believe he told you."

"Hey, it's my kitchen, I've gotta know what's going on." He followed you around the other side of the island, grabbing the notebook you had sitting on the counter and scanning over the recipe. You'd called your mom on the way home and asked for a copy of the recipe, which she'd gladly texted ("does this have something to do with that cute chef where you work?"). You'd picked up whatever ingredients you didn't already have at your house and set everything out for Carmy before he'd even gotten there. You felt a little silly, being so excited just to have him come over and cook with you (for you) when there was no real definition to what your relationship was. 

"Did you cook growing up? Like with your mom and stuff?" You asked, stealing a strawberry out of the plastic container. 

"No," Carmy shook his head, then amended his answer, "not really. My ma always told us to help but if we did she yelled at us for doing something the wrong way...it was better to just stay outta her way when she was in the kitchen. You?"

"Oh yeah, my mom's not like...the best chef in the world or anything but she loved trying new stuff. Anything we wanted we could ask for and she'd try to make it. And then as we got older we would have like, nights where one of us got to cook." You replied, "I like it but...I don't think I'm good at it."

"You are...I mean....not like, you've got potential." Carmy explained, blue eyes glancing up to meet you across the island and you smiled. 

"Thank you chef."

You left Carmy to the strawberry gazpacho and the chicken he'd brought over to make some dish you'd never heard of before while you got Rigoletto's dinner out. The cat had finally moved off the island and you sprayed it down with cleaner to at least give yourself a better chance of not picking white cat hair off your dinner plate. 

Carmy fit right into your kitchen, probably the whole apartment for that matter. It was something both of you had thought, more than once, but neither of you said anything about. He felt like he was waiting for something bad to come from all the good you had been supplying in his life recently. Bad news always felt like it was lurking around the corner for him, especially these days, and he didn't want to put everything in one basket. But being in your kitchen, in your space, felt good. It felt like he was supposed to be there. 

"Did you know," you were saying as you came back into the kitchen, leaning near him to look at the chicken he was searing on the stovetop, "that I didn't know what mortadella was before I started working at the Beef?" 

Carmy turned his head to watch you fish a piece of garlic out of the skillet and eat it whole, "Did you just?"

"It was cooked."

"It was a whole clove of garlic."

"I love garlic," you shrugged, dropping the fork in the sink, "but seriously, I had to google it cause I didn't know what Richie was talking about when he was trying to explain it."

"It's very Italian." Carmy replied. 

"You're very Italian." You grinned and he rolled his eyes.

"I am, yeah." And then, "I still can't believe you ate that."

"You act like you've never eaten garlic before."

"Not just shoved a whole clove in my mouth." He replied. 

"It tasted good." You shrugged, "I always use too much garlic. Like if a recipe says three cloves I use six."

"Yeah that's why I said you had potential." 

"Well now I just feel like that's your 'I don't wanna hurt your feelings' way of saying I'm actually shit at cooking." You replied. 

"Nah, if you were shit I'd tell you."

"Yeah but then who'd balance the books for you?" You teased, searching in the cabinet under the island for wine, "red or white?"

"Uh...white for this." Carmy replied.

You pushed the bottle of red you were holding back into the cabinet and went to the fridge, pulling out the Chardonnay you'd bought last week. You grabbed two glasses from the cabinet, handing him one once it was poured. 

"Is this the 'only white you'll drink' wine?" He asked, taking a sip. 

The last time he had come over to cook with you (for you) there had been a long discussion about different wines in which you'd explained that there was only one type of white that you liked. More accurately, one brand that made a chardonnay you didn't completely hate. 

"Yeah...they finally restocked!" You exclaimed, leaning against the counter, "the woman at the Wine and Spirits definitely thinks I'm an alcoholic though...I bought like, four bottles." 

Carmy shook his head, reaching a hand out for the bottle and splashing a little into the pan when you handed it to him. Kitchens were crowded and Carmy was more than used to working in an environment where people were constantly at each other's side or back or space but something about having you leaning there against the counter beside him was both extremely nerve-wracking and extremely comforting. 

He didn't say anything about it though, at least not until after you'd eaten dinner and were sitting on the couch avoiding the dishes. Then he blurted it out while you watched reruns of Murder, She Wrote with Rigoletto. "I always thought I would do stuff like this when I was younger."

"Watch 80's tv shows on a Tuesday night?" You asked.

"No," he laughed, "Just like...I don't know....you know, make dinner with someone. Or, I guess, not feel like my entire life was in a restaurant all the time."

"Well I'll always be happy to make dinner with you...or at least supply the wine while you make dinner." You replied, grinning at him.

"Yeah," he nodded his head slowly, as if convincing himself that what you were saying was true. 

"Yeah," you agreed.

[noellawrites]

Souvenir - Yandere!Luca x reader

summary: Luca just can't let his rivalry with Carmy go, so he leaves a permanent reminder inside of you. afab reader but no specified pronouns.

warnings: smut, baby-trapping, condom sabotage, forced breeding

You weren't even supposed to go to Copenhagen. The trip was booked for Marcus when his mother took a turn for the worse. So here you were, the recipient of a non-refundable flight, standing in front of Denmark's most renowned kitchen. As The Beef's only waitress, saying you had a lack of food prep knowledge was an understatement. But with Tina and Ebra back in school, the task was left to you.

—

"Carmy taught me everything I know about good service. Really, I owe everything to him. I thought he'd boot me after taking over The Beef but thank god he didn't," you rambled.

"Sounds like he means a lot to you," Luca spoke quietly as he prepped an example dessert.

"He's the best chef I've ever worked with. Maybe not as intense as your rival chef, but he definitely challenges me. For example, sending me here with no experience," you laughed, picking up a tub of diced almonds.

"Seems like a real bond," Luca said simply. He reached across to the other side of you and his tattoos crossed into your line of vision.

"He's like my mentor, brother, work husband and hero all in one. Actually, that sounds stupid when I say it out loud," you laughed nervously.

"I know what you mean. To be so consumed by someone's talent that you just want to seep into their skin," Luca agreed.

A comfortable moment of silence hung between you both as you kept working. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him staring at you with an unreadable expression before he turned away to grab some dough.

—

"Your lips taste better than any dessert," Luca whispered in your ear as he traced his fingers down your stomach. Pleasure tickled down your spine and he pushed down your shorts, reaching into your panties and tracing your clit.

"Ah--ahh, Luca!" you moaned, and he clamped a hand over your mouth.

Through the dark, you could just make out his pepper tattoo on his hand, which oddly enough reminded you of Carmy. Come to think of it, the patchy placements of his tattoos reminded you a lot of Carmy's. And his entire apartment was bare just like Carmy's was, too. Even Luca's intense expressions sometimes mirrored Carmy's.

I really shouldn't be thinking of Carmy when I'm about to have sex with this hot pastry chef, you thought.

As Luca started pulling his boxers down, you held your hand out to stop him.

"Do you have a condom?" you asked, sitting up and looking around.

"Dresser, top drawer," he said, sounding a bit irked. You handed him the small plastic square and laid back down.

You could hear him ripping open the package with his teeth and stretching the condom over his cock when he suddenly pulled your panties down the rest of the way.

You were lost in pleasure as he dove into your pussy, licking and sucking with his expertly trained tongue.

—

Luca held you against him with his strong arms as you both reached orgasm together, a mess of sweat and pleasure and moans.

"Oh shit Luca, did you just cum in me?" you gasped, wriggling away from him as post-sex clarity struck you.

"The condom must've broken," he said, but you pulled away from him too quick and managed to see what he was trying to hide: the empty, fully intact condom next to him. His hard cock pulled out of you, covered in a mix of your cum, no condom on him at all.

"What the fuck, Luca?!"

"Stay here. With me."

Luca's kind eyes had turned dark, an ulterior motive lurking underneath the surface. You didn't know what he was up to, but you knew it couldn't be good.

You quickly gathered your clothes from the floor and tried to yank your pants on. Luca stood, still completely naked, and moved to stand in front of the door leading outside his flat.

"Move, I need to go pick up Plan B. I'm ovulating, you fucking asshole!"

"You're not leaving. Not until your flight."

"Oh my god, this is so fucked up! I-I barely even know you!" you cried.

"You knew me enough to let me fuck you," he laughed, pulling on his boxers. As much as you hated to admit it, he had stretched you better than anyone else had before.

"I hate you, Luca."

—

You took a Plan B when you got back to Chicago, but by then it was too late. Not only did you bring back three desserts for The Bear's new menu, but you also brought back a tiny baby in your stomach. A little bundle of cells forever tying you to the British pastry chef. You sobbed as you told Carmy, who then gave you the entire story about how he and Luca had met. Rivals, but Carmy was clearly more skilled, more talented, more ambitious.

But now, Luca had finally bested Carmy at something. He left you a permanent reminder, a souvenir from your travels, a big 'fuck you' to his former rival chef.

part two

[puppietooth]

let me preface this by saying i will love and adore and cherish s3 no matter happens. however, i will say — the one thing i want to see is carmy going out of his way to get back on sydney’s good side.

i’m talking begging for forgiveness, grovelling at her feet, bending over backwards for her.

imagine:

carmy gets out of that walk-in, sees the queasy look on her face, and is already drafting that notes app apology in his head. he tells her he’s sorry and that he fucked up and she tells him they managed to pull everything off without him but she cannot with his bullshit right now.

that hits him like a punch to the gut and, well, he gets it cause it’s definitely deserved.

but as the weeks go on, carmy tries to talk to her she only responds in shrugs, nods, and yes chefs. sydney goes home straight after service, after she helps with clean up, does not linger and talk in the office with him like they did before. carmy tries joking with her and she rolls her eyes more often than not. he asks her if she wants to work on the menu with him and she says no and he gets the feeling that she doesn’t even want to be alone with him anymore.

and that’s when he realizes — fuck. she’s so mad at him.

my girl is mad at me i want to die.

so? what else is carmy supposed to do but the most?

sydney comes in one morning and tells tina she was running late so she couldn’t stop by her favourite spot to get her morning latte. carmy overhears this and takes it upon himself to run to that spot, ten blocks over, to get her that latte. and when he gets back, sweetly and breathless, he gives it to her only to find out it’s the completely wrong order. but syd smiles, just a little, says a small thanks.

during family, he casually hints at the fact that he’s seeing a therapist now — says sorry chef i have therapy saturday afternoon when marcus asks if anyone would be down to go to the farmers market with him. because he needs her to know that he’s trying to get better. for himself, yes, but also for her.

his notifications are on and his phone is never on silent anymore — carmy vows to never miss a text or a call from her ever again.

carmy starts checking in with her about everything. when the walls need to be painted again he tells her, asks sydney if she’s okay with changing the floral arrangements but the bar, lets her know he’s ordering new aprons for the line cooks, runs tweets by her before posting them to the bear’s twitter account. and it gets to the point where syd has to tell him to chill — that she appreciates him not wanting to keep her in the dark, but some things just don’t need her approval. pats him on the shoulder and tells him it’s his restaurant, too.

it might come off as a bit showy but he tells her great work today, chef sydney after every service — because she is doing great work.

when sydney’s finally moving out of her dad’s place carmy is there, bright and early, moving her boxes into his car, trying to avoid the subtle stink eye her dad is giving him. again, deserved. he drives her out to her new place, helps her set everything up and lingers when she asks him if he wants coffee.

carmy shows up for her, everytime. he sets his own priorities aside, swaps them out for hers. sydney says jump and he asks how high?

it all comes to head on her birthday. before service he goes up to her and gives her a present — a scarf, fabric pink and decorated with prints of various different flowers. it’s soft and silky and he saw it on a mannequin in a window front while he was downtown a couple of weeks ago, immediately thought of her. she tells him it’s lovely and beautiful and she’ll wear it all the time but that he really didn’t have to — that he doesn’t have to keep trying to win her over, that she isn’t mad at him anymore, that she hasn’t been mad for a few weeks now, that she can see he’s trying.

then, sydney hugs him, strong and gentle at the same time, tells him — i see you, carmy.

whatever is supposed to happen after that does not happen because fak starts yelling about an exploding toilet from the room over so sydney scoffs and says she’ll go take care of it.

and it’s at that exact moment that carmy becomes aware of what he hasn’t been aware of but that has been there, right in front of him this whole time.

holy shit.

he likes sydney.

he likes her a lot.

[moments-on-film]

Moments on Film: The Bear Season 3

Now that I have had a few days to process and fully…..digest S3, I am back with my most visceral thoughts.

I must say, distance did not do anything to ameliorate how I felt about this season. There were some beautiful moments, I really enjoyed episode 1, for example, and I truly appreciated the opportunity to learn more about how Sydney comports herself as a leader, Marcus‘s beautifully inspired and fresh creativity as a chef, Tina’s journey, Natalie’s inner struggles, and more backstory on chef Luca.

What I am having so much trouble with this season, is Carmy. I knew this would happen. I knew S3 would be the belly of the beast, as I predicted 🔗 here , but it was still so hard to take in.

Those of you that have read my work know how much empathy I have felt for Carmy. I have rooted for him. I see how much help he desperately needs and I am always hoping he will find a way to course correct when he gets off track. Carmy ditching Sydney in S2 and lashing out at Richie in the finale felt like a punch to my gut. I was so hoping those two relationships would be nurtured this season but in fact they got worse.

I want to be clear, I have had so much compassion and empathy for Carmy and his emotional problems, due to the cycles of abuse he has had to endure. What I absolutely cannot excuse or reconcile this season is how his behavior and actions are hurting, stifling, and traumatizing those around him.

Another thing I really want to uplift is that yes, this is a show that emphasizes found family. But at the end of the day, this is a business, he is in a leadership position, and everyone who works there is an at-will-employee. In my opinion, Carmy has completely failed as a leader, on all fronts. He has never exhibited leadership skills, with consistency. And as supportive member of the “family”, real or otherwise, he is nowhere to be found. Carmy has actually created a hostile work environment that is legally actionable and litigious with his mood swings, verbal and physical abuse and erratic behavior.

It is a stone cold fact.

I was rooting so hard for Sydney and staff to walk out the door this season. That’s how bad his behavior is. Sydney deserves better, plain and simple. Everyone working at The Bear does. Another point I want to uplift is that while Christopher Storer created the show, it is his sister, Courtney, “Coco” Storer who is the chef on whom he based much of the plot. Courtney has also moved from Culinary Producer in seasons past of The Bear to Co-Executive Producer and even “Story By” credit on this season of the show.

There is something Courtney said a few years ago on a podcast that has stayed in the back of my mind because I always wondered if it would be used as a plot point for Sydney. She shared a story of a restaurant she worked at in Los Angeles. She was promoted to CDC, loved her team and really enjoyed working there. However, it was not all perfect. She was constantly burnt out and at a physical and emotional deficit due to the stress. She suffered panic attacks. She also shared that she was not officially a partner with a stake in the restaurant, and she felt like she needed to have her own back because at the end of the day, no one else did. Although it was a difficult life decision—-she quit.

Forget Michelin stars. If Carmy cannot create and maintain an environment people want to work in, with him, he will end up completely alone. It also may already be too late.

I understand this season is apparently in two parts, I understand that everything happens for a reason. What I can’t understand is how I am meant to root for a character that has contributed to Sydney having panic attacks, has hit Richie, has yelled at Marcus during what must be the worst time in his life and who was about to lose it on Tina if Sydney hadn’t stepped in, saved her, and saved him from himself. Completely unacceptable behavior.

Carmy needs professional help. I have said this many, many times before and I am going to say it again. Carmy. Needs. Professional. Help. He cannot continue to let his triggers and emotions be his master. He is in a leadership position and people’s jobs are depending on him. He cannot offer any more hollow apologies, he has to back them up with consistent action, or I will continue rooting for the staff to leave or for him to step down.

If he doesn’t make the time, energy, and effort to stop the madness, slow down, take a beat, remember all of the gentle and beautiful mentorship he actually did receive through his rise as a chef, lead with his heart, build trust and repair his relationships, especially with Sydney, with Richie, with his sister and her new baby, he will lose it all, because he will have lost the one thing that truly matters, the people he is supposed to care about and the people who care about him.

Does he have it in him to turn this all around? At this point I am not sure. And if he doesn’t, I believe what “grows together”, and they really did, all grow—-will in fact, go together.

©️moments-on-film 2024

[freedelusionshere]

Carmy is already going to be jealous of someone. It’s Shapiro. That’s what they set up. Someone who is promising to give Syd all the material things that Carmy could not.

But the most delicious part is that’s not even what Syd actually wants from Carmy, but he’s told himself that’s all he has to offer. He told himself that’s why she came back in S1 and the money and her coming back was a miracle. If he had done what he agreed to do with her in S1 the restaurant would be better off financially. But he didn’t listen.

Would they be making money hand over fist? No. That was never going to be the case. Would they have run out of Cicero’s money anyway? Probably. Just not as fast. Cicero was never reliable. It was always going to be conditional.

I doubt Carmy would be jealous of Luca liking Syd. He might be sad, but Carmy thinks very little of himself actually (despite fronting) and thinks Luca is a great person which is why he sent Marcus to him.

We do know is who is jealous of Luca and Carmy and it’s Adam Shapiro. The show goes out of its way to show Adam being professionally jealous of Carmy and being shitty to Luca for not grinding it out in fine dining anymore like he is.

Shapiro is very clearly setting up Syd to do all his grinding for him. He’s over promising and won’t even admit when he smudges dishes and outright lies so he can’t be held accountable. He was spying on his competitor and checking them out to poach staff for his restaurant (while lying and saying he’s not).

This is Syd’s prison of her own design. She runs and starts over and never gets too close to people, and ends up feeling alone. If it was just about money, she’d have left already; she’s not scared of leaving Carmy she’s done it before. She’s not scared of telling Carmy what’s up, either, she’s been in his face. Her problem is she has specific feeling about Carmy, and they’re like her family, etc.

Shapiro is going to do all the things Syd said she didn’t want in S1. The person who kept Shapiro in line was always Chef Terry. Carmy actually asks Syd to tell him what she wants and to hold him accountable. Things were pretty much going okay in S2 until he started seeing moldy Claire. He literally gave Syd control and it wasn’t really what she wanted. She wanted him to do it with her. Syd also lies to herself as well, just like Carmy. They both have imposter syndrome. The scary thing they’re avoiding is what they agreed to do differently together in S1.

By the time we get to S3, Syd is just saying she’s his accomplice and not pushing him anymore. She’s sort of resigned and they’re both starting to resent the other for them not being honest about what is really going on. This is not normal behavior of co-workers of course, they’re in love with each other.

Shapiro is offering her an easy way out, which will make her simply repeat past patterns. One big tip off about this is that she appears to not have told her dad about the offer from Shapiro. She tells her dad stuff selectively. She did tell him about the partnership agreement.

[ace-of-d1am0nds]

The Bear: Color and Control

obligatory long post warning

The Bear is all about control. Who's in control; how much control does each person have over themselves, each other, and the space.

While we see it in most aspects, the one thing I think demonstrates these power struggles best is color and lighting.

I think most pieces of media are about control and I might just be a pretentious film major so call me out if I'm being incredibly wrong here. But hear me out.

White: the "peace"

I'm not a SydCarmy truther or anything but let me just say the evidence is evidencing. This is the scene in which Sydney and Carmy are testing out menu options at Carmen's apartment. The scene is washed with a striking white light because, at this moment, they have complete power over the food in front of them, the relationship between them, and the emotions they are feeling. Now I say the evidence is evidencing because I scrubbed through almost all of season 2 for this post and nearly every scene with Claire isn't lit with a white light, it's lit like most of the scenes in the show: a warm toned neutral light. But that's beside the point.

Blue: the lack

The first scene of season 2 is one of Marcus talking to his mom in a coma. He is bathed in harsh blue light because he has little to no control over his mother's health. We see the blue light over and over again across the show but this is one of the few that doesn't have that conflict in lighting. This scene is clear as day. Marcus is powerless over this situation. And he seemingly is at peace with that.

The Disruption of White: the loss

In season 2, when Carmy starts changing the menu without consulting Sydney, we see the normally intense white light of the kitchen being dulled into a colder hue. This may be a stretch but I think this is supposed to represent Sydney grasping for a share of what Carmy continually takes for himself. The warm light directly over only his head, shows how he alone feels like this is "normal". He believes that he has done no wrong. He can't see how he's hurt Sydney. Yet.

In season 3, episode 2. The through-line is the lights. The kitchen light, harsh and exacting and ever-present throughout the season and the kitchen's environment in general, is fritzing out. The only people who don't point this out are Carmen and Richie. During their argument, they are fighting and vying for control. Meanwhile, everyone else is losing said control. Everybody, repeatedly, is trying to calm them down, trying to regain a semblance of peace in the kitchen. To no avail. Until Marcus comes in, of course; the only person who seems to be content with the lack of control he has over his life.

The Split Screen: My Favorite Shots

The following gifs are courtesy of @tragicsiblings

This whole scene. This whole episode, mind you. Is about Carmen Berzatto losing control. He gets stuck in the walk-in and realizes everything he didn't consider and everything he's losing at this moment. Meanwhile, Richie is in his element. It's friends and family night. He's prowling the dining room like it's nobody's business. He trained for this. Richie is trying to exert his power over Carmen to force him to calm down. Obviously, we know this doesn't work. So Richie, because he can, goes back to work. He runs the brigade. While Carmen stays stuck. Stuck in the walk-in but more importantly stuck in his own head.

This scene, man. This scene is a montage of Carmen yelling at everybody to work faster, better, etc. Meanwhile, Richie is shown only in extreme close-ups of his eyes as he surveys the front of house. As they do, they get into an argument. This is intercut with a barrage of reviews calling the restaurant a failure. The line I want to focus on is "Richie doesn't get a hold." I'm translating this to mean "Richie's not in charge here, I am." But this shot. Richie and Carmen make eye contact through the glass of the window into the kitchen. The line down the middle and the triangles mimicking the glass on the wall show their distance. This moment, among others, is why the front and back of house are, as Richie likes to point out, dysregulated. It's because their two leads are at odds with each other.

Carmen will never give any of his power or control over to any of his partners, whether it be the menu to Sydney, the finances to Nat, or even a stake in the business at all to Richie. Carmen Berzatto, at his core, needs to be in control.

[thegirlwhowatchedeverything]

Pete Appreciation Post

Pete and Nat:

As her partner, he not only handles but actually and actively loves her family.

He goes to Al-Anon meetings WITH her (1x2).

He doesn't show up to Christmas empty handed (to steal Carmy's words that'd make him an asshole). He continues to be joyful and make small talk while being ripped to shreds for his attempt at a funny, genuinely considerate tuna casserole (2x6).

One of Nat's biggest traumas (flashback to 2x6 of Donna grabbing her by the face while threatening to kill herself) is juxtaposed with her greatest joy - ending the day with Pete on the couch watching TV (2x8).

Everything Pete does and says in 2x10. I don't even know where to start. Him so beyond proud and supportive and excited and happy for Nat. Him trying to convince Donna to come inside by playing to their shared pride of Nat (and Carm). His reaction after the conversation with Donna. Chris Witaske you talented actor and Pete you beautiful, patient, loving, understanding, forgiving man.

Pete and Carmy:

Pete makes such an effort with him (to steal Mikey's words he gives like the biggest fuck). He genuinely embraces Carmy and wants so desperately to be embraced by Carmy in return:

He brushes/laughs off an unexplained past incident involving Carmy (and presumably Michael) that sent him to urgent care. Very bro siblings roughhousing behavior (1x2).

He lets Carmy use his and Nat's freezer even though he knows she'll be mad at him for it. Very brothers ganging up on their sister/two siblings scheming against the third (which I imagine happened between the Berzatto siblings so much and in so many combinations) (1x5).

He was so hype and adorably complimentary about Carmy's homemade ecto cooler and ugh I wish Carm had given more credit there because they are clearly just both big nerds at heart (1x4).

He defends Carmy for being called a loser at the catered party by bringing up his career as one of the most lauded chefs (as I've said before, he and Syd were the two members of the Chef Carmy club). And he does so in front of a large and intimidating assortment of friends and family (to paraphrase Carmy paraphrasing Marcus we see that Pete can throw down huh). Very protective big brother vibes (1x4).

He then individually compliments Carmy's courage for leaving home and making an incredible career for himself. He also makes a point to tell him that Nat is proud of him. Emotionally supportive brother behavior (1x4).

He thanks Carmy for letting him be a part of his family! It's beyond sweet to say that to your in laws, but when your in laws are the Berzattos (1x4)?!

Pete And The Berzattos:

He still gets ribbed more than not, but at the end of the day he's accepted.

Carmy saying I kind of like Pete now (1x5).

Stevie saying his heart was in the right place after the tuna faux pas (2x5).

Fak saying he'll be a great daddy (2x10).

Donna congratulating Pete about the baby thus signaling her approval (2x10).

Pete Is An Only Child:

I've been convinced since S1 and S2 only confirmed.

The genuine love and effort he puts into each family member (blood, extended, and honorary) of the Berzattos not only shows Pete is truly a nice guy, but it speaks to his deep desire to be a part of a family - to belong (see all examples above).

We learned Richie and Sydney are only children (It must have been nice to have Nat and Carm. Yeah, now you do too. *sobs*) so another proof point that all partners to the Berzatto siblings are onlys.

Stevie. In his speech, he says You guys have been so kind to me. You let me hang out with your every holiday. I don't have a family like this and I'm really grateful you make space for me at this table and you make time for me on the holidays. You can imagine an exact speech coming from Pete. And like Pete, Stevie genuinely loves and gets along with each of the Berzattos (2x6). A last parallel between these two: Donna speculates if he's gay and that is totally something I can imagine her, Mikey or Richie saying about Pete at first meeting.

Something about not knowing Pete's last name or anything about him outside of his relationships with the Berzattos signals to me he's not from a big family and/or is not close to them and really just exists in the Berzatto cinematic universe.

Takeaways:

Pete is the MVP of The Bear. We better get more of him in S3.

The Berzattos attract only children and strays like moths to a flame.

[hourglassfish]

On Season 1, Episode 7 Part Three : Risottogate

OK look,

Go and get yourself an ecto cooler or something, cus this is long, OK? This is long.

You comfortable?

Alright, let’s go.

don't forget the Xanax!

Elevated Beef (stock)

There’s a connection drawn between Sydney and veal stock in the Bear. She spills it all over herself during Brigade. Claire interrupts Carmy purchasing veal stock for menu testing her bone broth idea at the end of 2:2.  It’s an interesting ingredient to align her with: a staple of French cuisine, something you’ll find in a professional high end kitchen but not necessarily at home, a distinctive, practical component which provides a subtle, solid umami base for a range of dishes.

The first time this connection is drawn is during one of my favourite interactions: the ‘plum haribo’ story in Brigade. Marcus has decorated his work station (I love him), and despite the fact that Carmy says he’s having flashbacks (eeeeeeek), I think he is happy to see this coming together of his two worlds.

They start talking about this fancy plum dish, and a gelee component (which will reappear in Honeydew!) that had to have a very specific texture. Carmy has been talking about the dedication needed to make this dish work with pride, presenting the texture of the gelee as a huge challenge, something it took someone a year to figure out. Sydney cracks it in less than a minute. Veal fat. She knows what’s needed, and she knows why: it congeals when it’s cold. Boom!

Carmy’s response to this always amuses me. He is not…dismayed exactly. Not quite. After all, it’s a reminder of her brilliance, and also that that world is not so far away.  That being said, she cuts across a punchline here; and what was a mystery to the best chefs in the world for a year is immediately obvious to her, to the extent that it’s not even really a flex on her part: she states it quite diffidently. Marcus’s gleeful ‘Mission Accomplished’ is very different from Carmy’s, which is a bit more ‘…oh.’.

On rewatches where I feel charitable, Carmy then implements the brigade cus he's been reminded that he has someone close by from that world, he has an ally that speaks his language, who is talented. On days when I feel less charitable, I combine this with him later talking her through the differences between stock/jus/demi-glace in front of Tina  like an asshole, and see him handing the brigade over at that specific moment, in the specific way that he does as passive aggressive. Most days I’m with the former! Still…we’re back in the grey areas of Syd and Carmy’s  dynamic. Where all the good shit is!

He's so glad she figured that out so quickly, absolutely not feeling a type of way about it, nope, not at all

I wanted to start with this story cus it opens up three things for me:

a) just a frisson, a hint, a delicious drop (!) of competition between Syd and Carmy 

b) the question, beloved by fanfic writers everywhere, of what the dynamic between these two might have been if they had met in a different context.

c) a third, messier thing, about Carmy going away, tooling up, coming back and it needing to be worth something, that going way. As far as he knows at this point, It didn’t achieve what it was meant to achieve, it didn’t get Mikey’s attention. Maybe he didn’t need to leave Chicago to do it. Sydney's talent tickles that tension, as does Marcus's (trios, trios!). So what was it for? What were the past few years of his life for, if a bunch of this stuff was in Chicago all along?

Who was Carmy away from Chicago? Who is he without his family? We’ve only seen one flashback so far, very much from inside Carmy’s head. The way he tells it is very different from what we see. At Al Anon, he describes himself like this:

‘when somebody new came into the restaurant to stage, I’d look at them like they were competition, like I’m gonna smoke this motherfucker’.

But you're tall and sexy, so don't worry about it babes

Gosh. Yes Chef!

I don’t think Carmy holds anything like this level of aggression towards any of the original staff of the Beef: it would be absurd: they don’t have his training or experience. For the most part we see doing the work of pulling a team together, which explicitly involves putting that kind of competitiveness to the side.

I don’t think he has this energy for Sydney.

Not quite.

I do think it’s an important thing for us to learn about his character. I do think that we are told it at the beginning of Episode 8, after Sydney has quit, because there are ugly feelings around the risotto dish. I do think that those feelings drive a lot of how Review goes down, and that Carmy knows this.  

This ferocious comparison and competition, used as a driving force, is a part of who Carmy is, and a part of the kitchens that he has come from. In another context, Sydney would have just been competition. And he’d have been trying to smoke her.

Let’s follow a humble bowl of risotto through THREE EPISODES, and about 5000 words, good GOD.

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto: Unanticipated

I tried to find appetising pics of her cooking the risotto but mostly it doesn't look very aesthetic, so here is Syd in my fave of her scarves.

A Risotto, playing on ‘tongue in cheek’ is first tentatively pitched in Sheridan, as an idea for a new menu that they have ‘spoken about’. Carmy is… noncommittal. He’s not into it, but he doesn’t say that, he just doesn’t really engage. I think there are a bunch of valid reasons to not be into it, tbh. I’ve ordered risotto to go. It’s always kind of gluey and disappointing. Sydney isn’t given a clear no, so she decides to cook it: it becomes something she has to convince him on.

He doesn’t get to try it in this episode as there are drugs to sell and about a million different fires to fight. We know that she dreams about this dish though. In this episode she talks about how thinking about her mistakes with Sheridan Road keep her up at night,  but the last images of the episode are of her dreaming: beef… raspberries… cola… fire: there it is. Cola braised short rib. We’re back in the realm of deeply personal creative expression that I spoke about in part two. That anxious energy around failing with Sheridan Road? Is going somewhere else, is being transformed. This is important, and has the potential to be profoundly healing. This dish has meaning for her.

The dish returns in Ceres. Syd is an unstoppable force with the dish, and having said she wants to be listened to, is not listening to several requests from Carmy for more time. Stressful! He deals with it well, at first. He is calm, and polite and asks her to hold on. Which is not a no. But then -

 ‘I know everybody you used to work for, I called them before hiring you’

oooooh weeee.

There is nothing wrong with him seeking out references. His reasons are logical, and he’s transparent about them. Personally? I think it’s sensible to let employees know you’re seeking out references to avoid paranoia, but it’s not a legal requirement. People do it informally via whisper networks all the time, both purposefully and by accident. Gotta say though, the phrasing and the timing of this ‘reveal’ made me wince.

There are a million different theories of feedback, of how to give and receive it well. One argues that feedback must be asked for, accurate and measurable. If it’s not measurable, then you are nitpicking. If it’s not accurate, you’re hating. If it’s not asked for, or at least delivered in an environment where it’s anticipated, it is unlikely to be received well. Carmy, unfortunately, delivers a whopper of unanticipated feedback here: ‘me and all your old bosses (I know EVERYONE YOU USED TO WORK WITH)have been talking about you and they all agree on this flaw’.

YIKES

Would I let Syd stab me for a bowl of this? Maaaaybe. Maybe.

My reading is that he wanted to ask for her patience, and to say that his decision to pace out the changes is coming from experience, but he’s being backed into a corner, so he summons up the spectre of her old bosses for back up. Syd had opened up last episode, and is still very vulnerable about Sheridan, so he unintentionally wounds her here. We can read this in her response. He says her employers said she was smart, talented,  green and impatient, she hears ‘me and everyone you’ve worked for think your business failed because you were green and impatient, that’s why you’re here, and why this dish can’t go on the menu’. This dish is getting entangled in so many other things about where they’ve come from.

He does take the time to reframe it: outlines his practical concerns, and starts to articulate that he wants to maintain calm before they make more changes - 

And then Sugar is banging on the door, demonstrating his point.

At this point, Carmy is trying to build a parachute. They don’t have one when Jimmy comes to visit in Hands, but they do have one that becomes Richie’s bail by Braciole. Reserve building takes steady, dull consistency, but this isn’t communicated, and they don’t agree on a timeframe for the menu development, or even to come back to this conversation. This is small stuff, I know I sound nitpicky! But in my experience managing people, tension builds in the unknowns, in the places where there aren’t specifics, especially when you have a team member like Sydney who is ambitious and dynamic.

Sydney is firmly in the realm of the job that Carmy specified here. He is dialling business, she is doing everything else. If you’re a nerd and you zoom in on her CV, she has done menu development before. She is green, but not that green. She is impatient, but she also doesn’t have the same complicated relationship with change at the Beef that pretty much everyone else but Marcus does. The risotto is the first unofficial test of the impact of strain on their (messy ass) working dynamic, to Review’s much more official gauntlet.

Why would they write a proper CV and film it if they didn't want me to spend 5 minutes hitting pause repeatedly until I'd read it?

*squints* designed daily specials with complete creative control! At Alinea! A THREE STAR MICHELIN RESTAURANT! At the time they wrote this, it had held and retained those stars for twelve years! She is not new to this!

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto Two: Unmeasurable

They try again with the risotto later. She is a little more patient, initially. She makes the effort and he thanks her for it. He tries it, which she really wanted (surely that will convince him!), and she has modified her request, from to-gos, to trying it as a special. Her equivalent of baby steps. She listened. She’s trying. Lovely Angel and my main man Ebra come by, taste and support Carmy’s ‘tremendous’.

But here Carmy gives feedback that isn’t measurable. It’s not perfect, but he doesn’t say why, even though he knows, and it’s an easy fix! He’s nitpicking, because he doesn’t, for a bunch of practical reasons, want to put risotto on the menu, but doesn’t want to shoot her down. He asks her if she understands after she has explicitly said that she doesn’t (cus he’s not being up front), and then doesn‘t explain himself. He’s not really asking if she understands, he’s telling her to stop. It’s not really the dish that’s not ready, not really, it’s him, he’s not ready to make a new raft of changes, to think through the gap between the Michelin star excellence he has come from, and the budgetary, practical restrains of where he’s at.

I think this is really fair. Or at least understandable. Carmy just wants to catch a breath, and he has to have oversight on so many different things at once, adding something else to that must feel terrifying. But the way he communicates this shuts down and restricts: he switches the dynamic from one where they listen to each other (which requires that they both explain themselves) to one where he tells and she does. It doesn’t really give her anywhere to go, so her frustration is inevitable and also understandable. Measurable feedback! Clarity. If you don’t want risotto on the menu Carmy, rip the band-aid, and say it, and say why. Get her to work on something that is going to fit with the menu in a different way, in the way that you want, and be clear about the way in which you want to shape it!

He knows he’s not been great here. Carmy apologises for ‘being shitty’ later in the episode (as others have noted, it’s a shit apology) and he also starts his apology with ‘needs acid’ in 1:8. He knows that a lot of Review is to do with this dish.

When Carmy apologises about being shitty later in Ceres, she doesn’t mention that she put the dish out earlier. It’s framed as a little moment of.. if not revenge, then a little something for herself. I think she knows it’s not OK, not really, or she’d have mentioned it, and her face says a lot when she says it’s cool.  I’m not a chef, I only ever worked FOH, but my instinct is that its dodgy and it fills me with unease. A grey area. A pop of tension.

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto Three: Hating

Whenever I think about the strikes, I think about the broader ensemble in this show.

The next time the risotto turns up, it’s being mentioned in a review. A lot happens here, so I’m gonna bullet point out all the references, then analyse some of them afterwards. I’m also gonna jump a whole bunch, cus I want to stay tightly focused on the risotto itself, and the dynamic between Syd and Carmy as relates to it:

Ebra reads the review out!

Syd has a lovely, gentle smile for Ebra as he reads it, her whole body relaxes as she taps at the tablet. This validation clearly means a lot to her. Ebra’s dynamic with both Sydney and Marcus is consistently a joy to behold. When he tells her in Dogs that she’s given Marcus a lot of confidence, she glows, and I think it’s something she really needed to hear. He’s subtle about it, but he never makes her life difficult when she implements the brigade. There’s something about the oldest member of the team, reading the review out, a little haltingly cus English isn’t his first language, that doubles down on the love that can be present in the Beef, making it all the more jarring when –

Carmy cuts across this and starts talking about the day’s opening with a ‘stop reading that shit’

Fam ‘that shit’ just described your food as elevated and elegant! In the foodie heaven that is Chicago! In your restaurant which is kind of failing! It’s your team’s first review since you’ve been there! So straight away you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, because what has got his knickers in a twist?

Carmy is justified in being pissed off about Syd’s actions here. What he is not justified in, is not finding a way to celebrate the review itself with his team, who deserve to have this moment. It’s a milestone for them to get some external validation, and the restaurant, quite frankly, needs it. A five star review! Tina squeals with delight when she hears it. Before a new program and a busy shift is the perfect moment to read this out, and go into the work feeling good. A united, gassed up team? Would have killed those to gos.

Sydney is also responsible for this messiness though. In going rogue the episode before, something which could have been about the team becomes about her in a way that is sticky, and it becomes harder to celebrate. It was not her intention, but this is the outcome.

Ebra ignores Carmy

(cus he’s redundant and white JK JK don’t cancel me)

There is a double edged shout out to the team

‘the staff moves are next level’: this is such brilliant, important feedback from a team that has had to weather so much change! Also calls back to Richie:  ‘Uh oh, Sydney making moves!’ in the car in Hands.

‘The sandwiches are so delicious as ever, but the standout dish that... that, that encapsulates all, this was the risotto with braised beef. The rice was luscious with a surprising ribbon of brine running through the sauce. The chef obviously knew what she was doing’

THAT REVIEWER IS A SNITCH

Did Syd know that reviewer was a reviewer? I dunno man. Maybe! She’s Chicago born and bred, knows the food scene well. It’s not outside of the realm of possibility that she’d recognise him. Maybe she just wanted some good immediate feedback, while she was feeling shitty! Maybe all she wanted was him to send a message back to the kitchen that’s like tell Syd the risotto was great: the impact of his Review but on a much smaller, less disruptive scale.

I think it’s genuine coincidence, which unfortunately looks… not like that. The thing is: the reviewer being a reviewer isn’t what the issue is. The issue is giving food not signed off by her boss to a customer.  She'd have never gotten away with that at the places where she was before. Putting the dish out is going rogue, regardless of who she gives it to. It’s not a team move. If Carmy called in her old bosses for back up, she calls in his potential new customers. Eek. EEK.

Sydney desperately tries to get Ebra to shush, to no avail

(extremely funny work from Ayo, but also he’s pissed, and she either already knows it, or already antipates it – it’s hard to get a read on how long they’ve been in and when they learnt about the review)

‘river of brine, huh?’ 

Carmy, you little snark!!! This is very much his wheelhouse of expressing displeasure, he loves a little jab to the emotional solar plexus. My reading of his line is that what the reviewer tried and what Carmy tried are different, because if it had a ribbon of brine in it, I think that means that there was enough acid. Syd has two dishes, and she’s specific about Carmy trying one and not the other, so my reading here is that Carmy’s POV is not only did a dish go out of my kitchen without my sign off, but it was different from the dish I was given to try. Wince. Wince, wince, wince.

Sydney and Carmy have a fucking excruciating conversation.

Just the worst.

Carmy is not happy, but feels unable to voice this in a way that seems reasonable: he’s busy and stressed about to-gos, he hasn’t moved past the unreasonable feelings of resentment and annoyance to the clarity which enables you to articulate how you feel and why, and because Syd’s gamble paid off! It’s a net positive for the restaurant so it feels counterintuitive to reprimand her, but there is a conversation they need to have. He really does not want to have this conflict, because it’s complicated, and is, like most big blow outs over something small, about so much more than a plate of risotto.  He breezes over the conversation, but you can’t start with that ribbon of brine opener and then tell me shit’s not weird.

Compare this to Brigade, when Sydney is asked what’s up, and she is brave enough and vulnerable enough to be like – here are the things that weren’t OK, here are my expectations, here are my boundaries.

On the other side of the conversation, Sydney knows that she has slipped across a slightly odd boundary, but doesn’t acknowledge this. It’s good he liked it! All’s well that ends well. Right? RIGHT? But if he hadn’t? Very different conversation. It doesn’t matter who he is! He could have been anyone - someone that left a weird Instagram comment later, or someone who didn’t finish the meal and complained. Whatever the case may be, giving it to him unofficially was not an act of partnership, or listening, even if the initial communication was shitty.

She knows she’s overstepped,  but she doesn’t apologise and doesn’t acknowledge the specifics of what she’s done wrong, because she does not want to have the conflict that could come out of this either. She seeks affirmations that they are OK rather than trying to actually find out how Carmy feels and why, because at this point she doesn’t really want to hear it. She is seeking this conversation out 20 minutes before open! It’s not the time for a thorny, complex discussion.  

Compare this to Brigade. Carmy knows Sydney is pissed, and makes the effort to speak to her, in private, armed with the peace offering of Ebra’s Suqaar. He is very careful in that conversation to ask open questions (‘what’s going on with you? Say more?’) that enable her to respond honestly. He persists despite her having her walls up around the fact that she’s pissed. Sydney does not do this. The power dynamic makes it hard, but still. If she wants the connection needed to power reconciliation, that bravery needs to be in play.

are you sure we can't just power through this with sexual tension?

Sweeps congratulates her and tells her she’ll have to tell her dad

Hope Mr Adamu got a newspaper clipping!

Carmy says the sandwiches are totally different and the reviewer is a fucking hack. Syd looks sad.

This moment is why I opened this essay talking about veal stock. We are back in a moment with a gap between what has been said, and what has been heard. The reviewer said the sandwiches were delicious as ever. That’s not a criticism at all! These are not words that justify being called a hack! Carmy is pissed because the reviewer says they are delicious and they always have been, that Carmy has not improved on the staple that was there before him.

And that shit hurts his ego!

His whole thing was going off to learn ‘how to be better than mom and dad’s piece of shit’. We know he’s changed a bunch of things about the sandwiches. In Hands,  Sydney mentions that they’ve switched to market produce, which I’m sure is not unrelated to Richie’s ‘You’ve been here for two weeks and we’ve had money problems for two weeks’ in System. In Carmy’s time there, the bread’s changed, the method for cooking the beef has changed, the way they braise onions has changed.

To that customer? Delicious as ever.It’s not a dismissal, or an insult.  It is a reminder that Carmy didn’t have to leave, and go through all he went through, that there was delicious food and skills to be learned and refined without it. We know Michael was a talented chef. Even now, with all of where he’s been, Carmy cannot surpass him or his memory.

The person that does surpass that? Is Sydney. With food his palate did not deem good enough! Sydney who has not had to leave Chicago and her family. Sydney who has found a way to be creatively free, even at The Beef, in ways that Carmy has not really been able to, because his primary concern has to be money. There is understandable resentment here. But there is competition to the way Carmy cooks, something to prove, someone to smoke. There are reasonable feelings here, but some of them are really ugly, too.

Tina describes Syd as Jeff’s friend

This is a strange little line – because we know that Tina respects Syd as a chef at this point, and she doubles down on it later when she asks Syd to teach Louis skills, like she herself has been taught. So why’s it there? My feeling is that it’s there to remind the audience of what Syd and Carmy’s relationship is usually like. I wouldn’t call it friendship, I think they operate in a weird place that defies labels, but they have this synergy which drives the business. Tina evoking that in this moment draws attention to the fact that they are not in that space right now.

He's just got a very sweet face, it's hard for me to believe he's in trouble at school

Richie has a loud, performative conversation with Carmy about many things, but for the purpose of this section, he states that they don’t do risotto, asks if they’re going to, and Carmy definitively states that ‘no, they’re not going to do that’ he also repeats Syd’s phrasing that it was ‘an accident’

She stabbed the wrong ass if you ask me!

Nah, but for real, this is nasty work. I’m gonna come back to it in the next (penultimate!) bit of writing about the Beef, the Bear, Richie & Michael, Syd & Carmy. For now, I will simply say that Carmy is doing up major pass agg here, and it’s nasty to watch. He’s really, really unhappy with her,  and he’s struggling to hold it in, so it’s coming out in unhelpful and unpleasant ways that feel like humiliations in front of the whole team, and punishment.

There are really valid reasons for Carmy to be annoyed and to not want to talk about it right now.  The problem is that If you don’t create a pressure valve you take responsibility for, you will end up a) exploding instead (lol) and/or b) releasing that frustration in unhelpful and harmful ways.

They move towards this with their ASL sorry in Season Two. But here, Carmy says and implies a bunch of things to Richie that he needed to say explicitly to Syd two episodes ago, and two minutes ago: that he has no intention of putting risotto on the menu, and that he thinks her saying it was an accident was bullshit. He wants Syd to know it’s not OK without the hard, painful work of having to engage in conflict with her. It’s shitty.

Sweet Louis asks what a ribbon of brine is

He seems like a good boy, bring him back!

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT I WILL WRITE ABOUT NEXT TIME HAPPENS

Richie, Syd and Carmy, it’s delicious (a nightmare).

Syd attempts a second conversation with Carmy – having vented some frustration  at Richie, and seeing how her workload is piling up and becoming untenable, she is much more open here. Carmy is not.

She’s blunt – we’re not on the same page. Carmy lies and deflects – we’re good, let’s get through the shift. He has his hands on his hips, with as much of his body turned away from her as possible, during this conversation, and walks off half way through it. Even if everything had gone right, this shift would have been a nightmare for Syd.

Everything is awesome!

The penultimate mention of the risotto is here. There is very little I can say that has not been brilliantly said by eatandsleepwell here - https://www.tumblr.com/hourglassfish/726487509540962304/eatandsleepwell-melonatures-this-one-second?source=share so I’m gonna link it.

That’s the last we hear of risotto for now, other than a quick reference to Syd as an arrogant and condescending ribbon of brine from Richie later. It doesn’t turn up on the tasting menu at the Bear, where it defo feels like a riff on risotto could have replaced one of their pasta dishes. That switch from rice to pasta feels pointed.

Spaghetti

Let’s treat The Beef as a character. If Sydney’s ingredient motif is veal stock, then The Beef’s is that family spaghetti.

Cheap and simple. Fucking delicious. Makes no sense and shouldn’t work, but was somehow the best seller on the menu. Distinctively Italian. Stuffed full of drug money(!). Always, always presented at the table with love, like a gift. You can elevate it if you want, but the fact of the matter is that even at its very best, it’s only gonna hit so hard cus it reminds you of simpler times, like the ratatouille (that is not a ratatouille!) from the movie Ratatouille.

Carmy rejects that meal at the top of the series. It ‘doesn’t make sense on the menu’, so he doesn’t care that people loved it. So far, so EMP. When he starts to cook it in episode one, it feels like a relenting to Richie’s bullying, and him throwing WHAT WE NOW KNOW WAS PROBABLY A FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS in the bin at the end of the episode feels like this exhilarating rejection of mediocrity. They change the lines for System, but in the pilot, Carmy literally cannot make the spaghetti, that last lesson from Michael is a real missing puzzle piece.

In Braciole,  when he gets the recipe, he goes to cook it, for family. It’s really nice, that scene, feels comparable to Sydney making omelette. It’s quiet, and Carmy seems content, if wistful. The pork instead of beef panic of earlier is put to the side for now. The previous day, Carmy has gone to Al-Anon and confessed, unburdened himself. Then followed two quiet days and a blue hued night of atonement: he reaffirmed his commitment to Richie, paying his bail and keeping watch all night, gave Tina the night off, apologised to Marcus and acknowledged that his behaviour towards Sydney wasn’t acceptable, as well as speaking to her about her dish, like an adult. Carmy has to do all of this before he finds the money, before he gets the validation that he’s really longing for from his brother.

JAW getting his Emmy, his Golden Globe, his SAG Award, his Bafta, his future Oscar Winning role.

If The Bear at its core is about grief, and the void that Michael’s death leaves, then one of the big journeys of Season One is the subsequent death of the Beef, ready for its rebirth as The Bear in the following season. Review is the short sharp stab to the gut, of Sydney leaving, and taking any hope that it can be reformed as is, with her work. I don’t think the nature of a puncture wound, and the shortness of that episode are unrelated.

Braciole is more of a death rattle: Jimmy’s debt keeping them trapped in shitty work they don’t want to do, situations that spiral out of control and descend into violence, their parachute turned to bail money. But Michael wanted more for his brother than that, and he has left him a foundation. He does not have to burn the place down, there need not be smoke and hellfire. There’s another avenue for rebirth, one where ‘set this place on fire’ does not have to mean an insurance scam, but instead can mean an ignition of all their ambition and dreams.

To get there there has to be an ego death first, a moment of hubris that gets our protagonists fresh, and clean, so they can move to the new. Sydney sees and experiences the worst of herself (more on this in the final part!). Richie gets stabbed (more on this in the next part).

Carmy? Carmy has to encountera crisis where not only could his training not save him but many of the lessons he learnt while he was away and his reasons for going in the first place actively made the situation worse, and those that had faith in him and his preferred system turned away from him, deeply hurt. His ego gets in the way of connection, and it shatters the partnership that he needs to make it all work. He is clinging to old ways of being that has not served him, but he needs to move forward into what is new. And he does.

Well.

He tries.

SMDH

WHEW

Another long one, sorry fam. I’m almost there though. Am I sorry? No, I’m grateful if you read it, and I hope you enjoyed it.

I hope I’m pulling this together coherently, that I’m showing a sort of throughline to the way I view Episode 7. I don’t think Sydney is perfect! I do think her walking out is narratively and politically (the show wants better for the workplaces its drawn from) necessary, and I hate, hate, hate the simplification of that decision to ‘he shouted at her so she bailed’. Please, you can’t think this show is well written and think her decision is as simple as that, it doesn’t make sense. That exit is crafted so that it is inevitable, there is a movie’s worth of build up to it.

We’re looking at Richie, Syd and Carmy next time, fam. I am trying so hard to cut it down cus it’s currently sat at 15,000 words, but I’m gonna try really hard to edit down, OK? I’m gonna try really hard.

I can’t respond but I value reblogs and comments so much!

This is part of a five part series! You can find the rest here:

Expect More: Syd and Carmy's relationship,

I know you'll be listening: Marcus, McDonald's and Freedom

Risottogate

Hiring New Fucking Broads: Syd, Richie and conflict;

"That's Not You" The Moment Syd Walks Out

[nerawrites]

Chapter 32: Reflections and T

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Ships:Tina x Fem!oc (platonic)

Warnings: none I think

Masterlist

The apartment was quiet, too quiet for Alicia.

She sat on the couch, legs tucked beneath her, phone in hand. It had been weeks since opening night—the fallout, the explosion of tension. The notes. The dishes. The constant back-and-forth with Luca and Carmy. The ghost-chef war that no one seemed to have a name for… but everyone knew. And then Alicia disappeared.

Not just from The Bear, but from everything. She had stepped out, leaving behind the city, the noise, and the people who were supposed to be her family.

She missed them.

She missed Tina.

She missed the low hum of the kitchen, the joking, the tension—her tension. The way they’d all watched her edge, admired it, feared it, loved it. She missed the crew.

But more than anything, she missed the honest moments—the ones that didn’t need to be perfect, the ones where they just understood each other.

The phone in her hand felt heavy. She stared at it for a moment longer before typing:

“Hey. It’s Alicia. I’ve been a mess… and I think I need to talk.”

She hesitated for a second, but then hit send before she could talk herself out of it. Then she sat back, letting out a long breath.

The message was out there now. No turning back.

Tina had just gotten off a brutal shift. She was drenched in sweat and covered in flour. The moment she entered the staff room, she collapsed into one of the chairs, letting the exhaustion settle in.

The rest of the staff was talking, but Tina’s mind was elsewhere—on the burn of the oven, the constant pressure, the overwhelming expectations. And then, her phone buzzed on the table in front of her.

She blinked, wiping the back of her hand across her forehead, and grabbed the phone.

Her eyes narrowed when she saw the name.

“Alicia”.

Tina hesitated. She hadn’t heard from Alicia in so long. After the way she’d left, after everything that had happened, it seemed like Alicia had disappeared off the face of the earth. Even Carmy had barely said her name.

Slowly, Tina opened the message. It was brief, almost too brief for Alicia.

Her stomach twisted. There was a part of her that was relieved to hear from Alicia… and another part that was still angry, still uncertain. But she couldn’t ignore this.

With a deep breath, Tina replied:

“Alicia… I didn’t know you were gonna reach out. Everything’s been crazy, you know? I didn’t even know if you were gonna come back or if you were gone for good.”

She hit send, then sat back in the chair, waiting.

It didn’t take long for Alicia to reply:

“I’m not sure what I’m doing, Tina. I don’t even know if I’m coming back to the kitchen. I just… I miss it. I miss you. I miss the way things were before everything exploded. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have left. Not like that.”

Tina felt a lump rise in her throat, and for a moment, she could only stare at the words.

But then, something inside her softened. She missed you.

Tina’s fingers hovered over the screen. She wanted to tell Alicia everything—about how things had fallen apart without her, how Carmy was more of a mess than usual, how Marcus had taken on extra shifts just to keep the kitchen running, how everything felt incomplete without Alicia’s presence. But more than anything, Tina just wanted to make sure Alicia was okay.

“It’s been tough here, too. Carmy’s… Carmy. Sydney’s barely holding on. Richie’s Richie, and Marcus… well, Marcus is doing his best to keep everything together. But we’re still a mess, you know? The kitchen’s just not the same without you.”

She paused before adding:

“We miss you. But… I hope you’re okay.”

Tina set the phone down, trying to calm the swirling emotions inside her. Her chest felt tight. It had been a long time since she’d let her guard down, especially with Alicia. But that… that felt like the right thing to say. The truth.

The following morning, Tina walked into the kitchen early—before most of the crew. The night shift had been brutal, and the day shift was just as chaotic. She dropped her bag on the counter and started pulling on her apron when the rest of the staff trickled in.

Marcus, Richie, and Ebra walked in, barely exchanging glances before diving into their morning tasks. But Tina didn’t immediately start working. Instead, she pulled out her phone, scanning the text she’d received from Alicia last night.

She wasn’t sure how to bring it up, but it wasn’t long before Sydney came in, followed by Carmy.

Tina waited for a moment, watching them all settle in.

Finally, she exhaled and broke the silence.

“So… I heard from Alicia last night.”

The room froze.

“What?” Richie’s voice was a mix of disbelief and curiosity.

Tina nodded, looking around at all of them. “Yeah. She texted me. She’s… thinking about things. She misses the kitchen. Misses us, I think.”

Sydney raised an eyebrow. “Really? After everything?”

Tina shrugged. “I don’t know. She sounded… lost, I guess. I didn’t expect her to reach out after everything that happened.”

Carmy was quiet for a long moment, then exhaled slowly. “I didn’t think we’d hear from her again.”

Marcus grinned, but it was a bit sad, too. “Yeah. This kitchen’s been missing a bit of chaos, you know?”

Tina looked at the crew, her heart a little lighter than it had been in weeks. Even if Alicia wasn’t ready to come back, hearing from her brought a sense of… connection. Maybe, just maybe, they were all still linked in some way, despite the mess they were in.

A/ N

Sorry if this is a little filler