#capitalism is the least sexy vampire

[thatstormygeek]

Okay. So. Today's irritation that wouldn't let me get back to sleep: communication

Or lack thereof.

Specifically the fact that every fucking method we devise to allow ourselves to communicate with one another has been rendered mostly useless by advertising.

Land lines gave us telemarketers. Mail is full of junk flyers. Email is overwhelmed by spam. Cellphones are constantly bombarded with calls from Scam Likely. Our texts are bursting with bots trying to buy and sell pieces of our lives or begging us to give money to politicians.

It sucks.

[thatstormygeek]

This is one of the things I rant about fairly regularly. Folks like to claim capitalism breeds innovation, but in reality, capitalism stifles innovation.

the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.

capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.

now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.

and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.

and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.

and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".

it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"

[thatstormygeek]

The husband of a college friend has been fighting stage 4 colon cancer for a couple of years now. My friend recently posted a caring bridge entry about the various treatments they are trying and considering. It contained this:

She is a dentist. He is a youth pastor. They have two teenage boys. If you buy what it says on the tin, these are the exact type of people the American Dream is supposed to work out for.

And yet.

I'm thankful they are in a position to move forward despite the cost. But this is not the kind of equation a person should have to figure.

The only exceptional aspect of the US healthcare system is how well it serves as an example of what not to do.

[thechekhov]

Dungeon Meshi Quick Reacts

Monster Tidbits: 3 & 4

Forgot to do this for some of them so I'm going back and getting the ones up through chapter 28

I read this tidbit and immediately went 'how close ARE squid and octopus phylogenetically?' And it turns out they're kinda close, but also. Vampire squids are closely related to octopods! Moreso than to other squids. That's neat!

Anyway.

The dungeon and its vast resources are really wasted on hack-n-slash adventurers. It feels like only Senshi really appreciates how much you can strip and use from such a large animal.

Though I suppose the ecosystem gets it in the end anyway so it's not a complete waste....

I'd forgotten Laios hates kraken lmao.

.................dude really pointed a sperm tube at his own face and shot a load at his forehead. Incredible. World's least sexy facial, confirmed. Congrats, Laios. That's the worst anyone's ever done it, buddy.

Chillchuck, you only live to be like, 40. Maybe stop trying to reinvent the wheel capitalism in your lifetime....

Meaning Chillchuck can live to be poor enough to travel with them another day! Hoorah!

...can this translator just not ever spell the word tentacles?

You don't need a brain to grow in good places. You just need to grow in good places and survive to have progeny that also favors good places to procreate and then-- ah, nevermind. Why am I explaining evolutionary pressure to a manga.

You did your best, buddy.

didn't you guys encounter mermaids? Or were those... sirens...?

hang on, what do you mean they die?!! Just from being the first one to hear it?!

Oh, wait, you mean like, they hear it and jump in first? Damn.

Ah, right, they're completely different species.

go, girl, get your calories.

.........how much mana can a dragon store, huh marcille. How much.

no need to brag....

need me that meme of a fat kitten that's full of milk, but make it Namari, full of mana.........

I was gonna say 'fluffy pitbull' but then I saw 'clever'.... ah, bully breeds. Braincells are in short supply.

GET. THAT. MAN. A. PUBBY.

Listen, you. Laios is a treasure, you hear me? He's a treasure. He's also way too much of a freak for you to reason with. Just leave him alone with his warg plans.

Bag of Holding MIGHT actually be the most broken thing there is. Hm.

THE BULLYING! WHO IS IT FOR?! WHY ARE YOU GANGING UP ON HIM

Laios: If I can't be THE MOST OBSESSED then what's even the point?

King shit. Absolutely pathetic meow meow. There is so much wrong with him.

[thatstormygeek]

"And that's the kicker: the problem is that as things are "advancing," more and more, options are being taken away. It has nothing to do with consumer demand - obviously there are a lot of people that are not happy with these developments. But as we’re seeing, the products being made don’t reflect customer preference or choice. It’s always about is best for the companies making and selling those products."

[werecreature-addicted]

Me trying to convince my anemic ass to not faint at the last hour of my 6-2 shift without having eaten anything: how do you expect to have a sexy vampire suck you dry of your life energy if you can't even survive capitalism doing it?? Weak. You can do better.

don't be too hard on yourself. at least there's aftercare when a vampire fucks you :/

[invinciblerodent]

About the altered animations in Astarion's first romance scene

I already knew that there's something of a precedent for large updates to change camera angles and facial animations around a little bit, so, on a lark, I loaded in my save from before the first romance scene in my current, Astarionmance playthrough, just to see and compare it to my recorded version, see if there's been any changes since then.

Well... honestly? My feeling is that the two scenes are pretty much only roughly comparable to each other at this point. Like not to be dramatic, but it's kind of almost a case study in how much body language can alter the perception and interpretation of the same dialogue.

In the version of this that I got originally in my game (on october 21st so in patch 3, through high approval, quite a bit before the party), the short conversation before leaving the main campsite has him wearing sort of a... heavy, darkly suggestive, almost predatory expression. He looks, overall, very serious: head pitched strategically forward so he's both leaning towards- and looking at the PC through his lashes (maybe crowding them a little bit, stepping into their space), his eyes are more narrow and provocative, and he's not wearing even a hint of a smile. I think it makes it very clear what the intent here is: to present Desire™, and show a façade that suggests his impending performance of the "ooh, the sexy vampire is now going to steal you away to have his wicked way with you" fantasy.

Comparing this to the latest version (as of the 4th of december, so shortly after patch 5, which from the patch notes I'm guessing is likely what brought these alterations on), it's... very strangely different.

I had not altered my settings, or the shots in any way (beyond cropping and resizing), the lighting just... seems to have been brightened. But, the most obvious change is that his entire body language is sort of... tipped more back and away from the PC now. His brows and eyes are a lot softer and more open, rounded, more like they appear later on in the confession scene, and he's smiling this.... kind of cordial, unsettlingly friendly smile, that seems (at least in retrospect) very obviously fake and plastered on. I think he's selling the illusion of the rakish debaucher, the dashing scoundrel about to rock your world, a lot less convincingly this time around.

Even though the voicelines have not been altered in a way I can detect, his face is saying something completely different, and it recontextualizes a lot of things for me.

[Also in addition, him breaking character momentarily ("I do mean sex, to be clear") now does also lose a bit of its humor for me. Just because this new way, there isn't as large a gap between the capital letter Performance, and the little side note he gives himself in the middle of it. Now it's somehow... less theatrical overall, and so the aside is less like he knows he sounds unnatural and his real self is peeking out from behind the lines, and veers a twinge more towards "in case you're dense and didn't actually notice that I'm seducing you, I'll dumb it down for you".]

Even as he's waiting for the response in that silly "ta-dah!" pose, his face is very different: instead of that sort of blank, "haughtily and hauntingly sexy", determined kind of look, he's now gazing at the PC with what (in motion at least) looks to me like it's kinda... going rapidly back and forth between almost a pained/unsure look, and... a thinly veiled disgust, maybe?

Like, that's... that's straight-up a grimace, man, I don't want anyone I'm considering sleeping with to be looking at me like that.

Within the scene itself that follows, the animation appears unchanged (or at least not changed significantly enough for me to notice without playing them literally side by side), but the following conversation in the morning is... also a bit odd, and has been edited heavily?

In my original recording, he seems to be making sure to look at the PC more, though only over his shoulder, and his features are harder, more severe again, as it is in line with the conversation before. The whole little exchange, before the arcana check and before it'd segue into talking about Cazador more directily, ends on a bit of an eyeroll and a hidden smile that can be construed as conspiratory, or just a bit sly and self-satisfied.

This kinda straddles the line between "hehe, you're caught in my web now" and "hehe, I'm SO good at sex"- the former being closer to what he's likely thinking, and the latter being one of the more obvious ways the PC can interpret that look. A+ on that, no notes.

But now, (first of all the lighting is overall much less warm, the whole scene looks cool and less afterglow-y) he doesn't really turn to face the PC, not even over his shoulder. This keeps his expressions concealed from them, but open to the player, which is an interesting choice, and his expressions are, again, a lot more in line with those from later scenes, when the relationship is well underway: it's less openly performative, and more just a... a sad, unguarded, almost forlorn, private look. My guy looks like he is speedrunning through all his emotions over the span of like 10 seconds here-

-and lands notably on this kind of unsettling shot, of this expression that's, while somewhat similar to the old one for the line "I didn't want to go too far" (that the PC can halfway see), is both more exaggerated, and kept entirely to himself:

I for one find this one a little.... creepy and cartoonish, tbh???? Which, I guess while it's in line with the whole "I'm such an evil mastermind, they've fallen right into my honeypot" way of thinking he is supposed to have in this precise moment, it, uh.

Listen, it just conjures in my mind a violently clear image of Robbie Rotten from Lazytown. Because it's just such an "I'm clearly being a villainous villain with a nefarious scheme and agendas aplenty" expression, he's all but twirling his mustache, and the fact that it's turned right to the player's face rather than being only hinted at for both person and character, makes it look... pretty heavy-handed. Which I guess is more indicative of this man having a charisma score of a whopping 10, but it takes away from the subtlety of the entire exchange, and kind of creates a rift between what the player, and what the PC can know/suspect.

Overall, these new animations look... very different, bit more like they're trying to drive the point all the way home? Now there seems to be a big neon sign that says "HE IS NOT DOING THIS FOR PLEASURE" over his head, rather than letting your figure things out for yourself later on.

Needless to say, I.... personally prefer the old version of this scene over this new one, lol.

(...... One final, mildly notable change I noticed is that they seem to have taken out the little moan they had my character make as he bit into her neck? In my old recording, there was a tiny, barely audible little "a-aah!", and that's just.... not there now. I'm not sure what that's about, if it's a bug or a feature, and I don't know if they had it for other player voices or not, but prior to now, they did go pretty hard into how getting bitten is, to many, quite pleasurable, so downplaying that now comes off as a tiny bit odd to me.)

(I do like how her tits look less squashed though. They perked my girl's girls up a little bit, which is kinda nice lol.)

Editing to say this: it seems like these animations are the same as the goblin party ones, only... in the daylight? Which, it could be a bug of some sorts. I reloaded it once and it was the same once more, but... it could be that my save is kinda weird there for some reason. Idk. Turning reblogs off because it could just be a bug.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading roundup: june 2024

before I get started on June, I have to issue a correction from May: I forgot to include a book!

last year I backed Iron Circus Comics' erotic anthology My Monster Girlfriend, edited by Andrea Purcell and Amanda Lafrenais, and it finally arrived just ahead of pride. My Monster Girlfriend contains 15 stories by all by different artists, and features protagonists who get it on with everything from the classic ghosts, werewolves, and vampires to a reality-warping angel (?) who contains infinite dimensions, a sleep paralysis demon, and an all-consuming flesh monster hivemind.

while I would have liked to see a little more variety in the freakishness of the actual sex, the anthology is a lot of fun and shows off a great diversity of art styles and scenarios in which one might get down to clown with a monster girlfriend. my personal favorites were Feather by Kanesha C. Bryant, in which an intrepid pervert boldly attempts to locate their girlfriend's genitalia; MonsterHER Under the Bed by Bont and Wes Brooke, which puts a cute, sexy little spin on the monster under the bed; Forest Wedding by Otava Heikkilä, which reads like an old timey fable except it ends in a giant forest woman getting crazy fisted by her new trans husband; and Girl Fiend by InnKeeperWorm, which is infinitely jackoffable even though, frankly, the hellhound should have stayed in her more monstrous canine form to fuck.

okay, now onto the June reading! I found myself reaching the end of the month surprised that I had added so few books to my 2024 spreadsheet, and then I realized: it's fucking PRIDE MONTH and I'm a career queer. I spent most of June either busting ass working various events or in a coma recovering from said events; no wonder I didn't read as much as I thought I would. I also gave up on one novel after sinking close to 200 pages in it, which means the list is even shorter, but trust me: the DNF was the right decision.

so, who made the cut for pride?

The Monsters We Defy (Leslye Penelope, 2022) - this book was a romp! it's fun! it's a hoot, dare I say! this is a historical urban fantasy that takes place in the Black society of 1920s Washington, DC. protagonist Clara and her band of ragtag magical misfits have a heist to pull off against one of the most powerful Black women in DC, with their own curses and powers at stake. it's a fun story with a neat magic system and lots of words that are capitalized so you know they're Magical and Important, and it's a read that goes down real easy. strong recommendation if you find yourself in a slump!

Just for the Cameras (Viano Oniomoh, 2023) - my first foray into independently published romance! and it was... fine. the plot's a little patchy, sure, but it's definitely not the worst romance I've ever read, and at least a throuple made for a nice change of pace. AND nobody's seething with jealousy or insecurity about multiple partners? you love to see it. this book was apparently originally intended to be a novelette and it definitely could have stayed that way, but if bisexual Black hotties sucking and fucking is what you seek then you're going to have a great time. TW: 2/3 main characters are British.

Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs (Ina Park, 2021) - to the surprise of absolutely no one who knows me, this is one of my very favorite nonfiction reads of the year so far. I cannot emphasize this enough: if you like the way that I talk about STIs and sex ed on this blog then I think you'll really like this book, because having read this book I desperately want to be her friend. she brings so much passion and energy to her work that it bursts right off the page and is - pardon this awful pun - absolutely infectious.

Survivor (Octavia E. Butler, 1978) - for those you not in the know, this book is kind of a get. it's the only book of Butler's that was never reprinted, so now you can only read it if you get ahold of a super expensive original edition OR if you, hypothetically, find a PDF online and print off the entire thing on your work printer. and I'm so glad I did the latter, because holy shit this book whips ass. the book was apparently disavowed for its lack of connection to the rest of the Patternist series, which is true but oh my god, the story is SOOOO cool anyway. we've got a human woman named Alanna who grew up feral on Earth only to be adopted by a Christian cult who are GOING INTO SPACE to preserve the human race, but it turns out there are already intelligent people on the new planet and they have Feelings about what the future of these human missionaries is going to be. it's on Alanna to navigate the clashing cultures and tension between the humans and two warring groups of aliens, and it is fucking URGENT. I don't say this lightly but I think this has ascended to be in my top three Butler novels.

No Name in the Street (James Baldwin, 1972) - ooooooh my god you guys!! oh my god!!! I've never read any of Baldwin's long form nonfiction, but within pages I knew that this was going to pretty permanently change my brain. this memoir-ish book delves into, among other things, Baldwin's witnessing of the American civil rights movement, including the deaths of Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Medgar Evers. woven around that is the alienating experience of being a Black man with exactly enough cultural cache and social clout to sometimes isolate him from the people he grew up with but not nearly enough to buy acceptance or safety in a white society, emphasized by Baldwin's unfinished struggle to free a friend from prison after a wrongful murder charge. and somehow that's barely doing the book justice! it's so vast and incisive and weary and impassioned and it did, truly, have me jotting down the names of everything Baldwin ever wrote to make sure I can read it all. as much as I bemoan my habit of impulse reserving books from the library, I really am indebted to the Stacks podcast for getting this on my radar.

[thatstormygeek]

Gonna add the one I posted from a friend earlier. Not as extreme, but still...

Oh, and this whole thing where Mary Lou Retton is fighting for her life

"Retton does not have medical insurance" followed by six paragraphs about how she's an American legend is peak US healthcare.

[Image ID:

A picture that says “A student once asked anthropologist Margaret Mead, “What is the earliest sign of civilization? The student expected her to say a clay pot, a grinding stone, or maybe a weapon. 

Margaret Mead thought for a moment, then she said, “A healed femur.”

The second picture is a news headline. It is bolded and a much larger font. “27-year-old who couldn’t afford $1,200 insulin copay dies after trying cheaper version.”

The third picture is the same font and size as the Margaret Mead quote. It’s a continuation. It says, “A femur is the longest bone in the body, linking hip to knee. In societies without the benefits of modern medicine, it takes about six weeks of rest for a fractured femur to heal. A healed femur shows that someone cared for the injured person, did their hunting and gathering, stayed with them, and offered physical protection and human companionship until the injury could mend.” 

The fourth picture is another headline. It is in a large and bolded type. “Dying man who couldn’t afford to go to hospital after vomiting blood"

The fifth picture is a screenshot of the Margaret Mead story.

Mead explained that where the law of the jungle—the survival of the fittest—rules, no healed femurs are found. The first sign of civilization is compassion, seen in a healed femur. 

The next screenshot is of a slightly different font. The letters are pointier and the lines are a little curvier. It says, “Susan Finley returned to her job at a Walmart retail store in Grand Junction Colorado, after having to call in sick because she was recovering from pneumonia.

The day after she returned, the fifty three  year old received her ten year associate award — and was simultaneously laid off, according to her family. She had taken off one day beyond what is permitted by Walmart’s attendance policy.

After losing her job in May 2016, Finley also lost her health insurance coverage and struggled to find a new job. Three months later, Finley was found dead in her apartment after avoiding going to see a doctor for flu-like symptoms. 

A screenshot of a bold, bigger headline. It says ‘The house always wins’: Insurers’ record profits.

A final screenshot of smaller text with a slightly gray background. It says “We are at our best when we serve others. Be civilized.” /end ID.] 

[castielstwigandberries]

if the supernatural movie doesnt include a reference to

nevada and georgia turning blue, stop the count, destiel making putin resign, sherlock season 5 rumors, destiel news meme, which political person had to be briefed on what destiel is now?, jensen looks like he was holding back homophobic slurs, weird cuts in the confession scene, which way was dean thrown now?, bury your gays speedrun, gay angels get send to superhell/eeby-deeby/cas plinko, recognizing the confession scene only by the first letters of each word, 'homosexual declaration of love', The Tapes™ (Release them now jensen!!!), meta analysis after 15x18, 'i gripped you tight and raised you from perdition' callback as dean saves cas from the empty, why lamp?, onion field, pizza man montage, parallels be paralleling, dean screaming cas name so loud in one take that people heard it blocks away, dean offering to kill sam if it means chuck brings cas back, the 4 year old son of lucifer becoming god, chuck won theory, 'we explore the nature of destiel in act two', excitement for a long finale which could only be about dean saving cas, right?, the insanity inducing quotes of the day for episodes, 'the night we met' and 'angel with a shotgun' songs of the day on set, filming in a barn, worst finale ever (even worse than game of thrones), weirly short with 11 scenes cut, two thirds montages, carry on wayward son playinf twice, back to back, one a weird cover version, vampmimes, no cas in the finale but instead some random vampire from season one no one remembers, dean finally gets nailed from behind, dean dies from tetanus, party city wig, good cars go to heaven, Car/Cas and Biden/Bi!Dean/Bye!Dean, 'cas helped', blurry wife, misha and jensen are not in the thank you video, everyone was supposed to be at the roadhouse originally but no one was informed of those plans, walker backdoor pilot, covid/capitalism destroyed everything, misha was in vancouver for filming the last episodes and was in less episodes than he was contracted for, misha denies ever having been in vancouver, misha says originally he was supposed to be in the finale as jimmy, misha says cas was supposed to be in the finale and 'sidle up to dean in the roadhouse', heterosexual destiel whose kisses would have created entire universes, destiel reciprocated in spanish, rogue translator, #TheySilencedYou, Jensen Ackles sexy silence, jensen ackles longcon, deanbenny breakup in season 8 script leak, Heller Obama, fake italian dub, misha collins x bill clinton sex scandal, misha addressing the "scandal" and tagging bill clinton and monica lewinski, 'still beautiful, still dean winchester', mishapocalypse 2.0 and 3.0, 'eyes like the sky' beer from jensens brewery rumored to be misha description, cockles anniversay photo, chaos machine jensen ackles' production company, 'rainbow road' beer close to deans birthday, blue green ('destiel') shotglasses from jensen brewery, ash and ellen's actors roleplaying roadhouse reopening in twitter, people think they are planning destiel wedding, disappointment when thats not the case, fans celebrate Destiel Wedding anyway on Valentine's Day 2021, fallout with both actors after one said a 'queer interpretation would damage the integrity of the show',

*takes a deep breath*

jared calling cas junkless and comparing his love for dean to the love he has for his children, misha collins cameo including 'still beautiful, still dean winchester', saileen and midam wedding, spn prequel announcement and subsequent j2 fallout, '@/robbiethompson et tu brute wow. what a trully awful thing you've done #bravo you coward', the prequel being about the least favourite characters of supernatural and a love story disproved by canon, 100000 destiel fics on ao3, misha tweets about that, rumors if mishas secret ao3 account, real italian dub going 'you're kinda okay' instead of i love you, misha tweeting a video of him saying 'te amo' in response to that', jensen saying if there'd been more time he (he meant dean but he used first person pronouns) would have hugged cas and said 'i love you too', first anniversary, misha collins coming out as bisexual on accident and then saying he 'happens to be straight' three days later in a five post apology thread, hot sauce from adam/micheal actor advertised by him playing midam, casbaiting in the winchesters trailer, jarlos shipping by winchester main actors, dean with beard and turtleneck, jensen saying he wanted misha in the winchesters but it didnt work out because of scheduling conflicts but hed be there in a season two shortly before the show was cancelled, death of the rogue translator and destiel getting dragged to the trending page every time there is news

*panting* then i dont want it.

yes this is all i could remember without looking it up

[jenerousjenocide]

Familiar Face

Fifty years had passed since the Netherbrain was defeated; it took Astarion five years after to become the lord of Baldur’s Gate. Within that timespan his old companions departed from the city, following new adventures in quiet hope their paths would never cross again. Only one agreement was made among them, set by the leader themselves that carried the entire team on her back single handily.

“Keep it within Baldur’s Gate.”

A warning, no less, a boundary they set to ensure the entire realm wouldn’t be overrun by vampires, although Astarion would be lying to say the thought didn’t cross his mind every other day or so.

The temptation was always there, and it would be so easy.

As much as Astarion would never admit it, he did respect his dear old friend more than he let on. A/N Nobody asked for this, but here it is I'm back on my BS. Also this is basically a WIP, its eventually going to be sexy. It'll be fine. Feedback is encouraged, I have written anything in eight years and it probably shows. AO3 Mirror - Next

Baldur’s Gate, once a city of innovation and progress, stood as the capital of Faerun. For centuries it was built up from the ground with those in power struggling with balance between right and wrong, the noble and the peasants and ensuring the Upper City and Lower City remained as separate as can be in terms of gold and assistance from guards or authorities.

It was no longer the case after so many decades of building it up, only for it to come crashing down one evening.

Citizens had believed their troubles were over the moment the Netherbrain was defeated, in fact they did have a few months of peace, and all seemed so bright and hopeful for the future. Festivals and parades crowded the streets for days, cheering on the heroes that rescued the city from destruction and the lives of all the innocents threatened by the damage caused.

Strangers worked together to rebuild, fix each others homes and offer food, aid or supplies to anyone in need. Nobles made large donations to better assist the poor struggling to get by and for a while it all seemed too good to be true.

Something in the shadows was lurking, bigger than anyone could have imagined and somehow the true secrets were kept hidden from the citizens for years.

Authority figures began stepping down from their roles seemingly without an explanation, providing vague answers for those with questions that one could only deem reasonable. This continued until only one remained, a new figure that seemed to have risen to power overnight yet was able to make his name and reputation known as one of the heroes that saved Baldur’s Gate all those years before.

Lord Astarion Ancunín.

It was a slow transition at first, but it felt as though his coronation as Lord was the shifting point in which everything seemed to come together. For his benefit, at least.

It began with smooth talking his way into meetings, debunking rumours spread among residents that he was a vampire spawn because why or how would a feeble vampire be able to walk among the living so freely? He saved Baldur’s Gate from disaster; it was easy to gain the trust of majority of the population.

The plan really kicked into gear after inviting each noble he could come across to a private dinner. A bite to eat with life altering consequences, and they soon became his loyal subjects one by one.

Like a puppet master stringing together a performance of a lifetime, they obeyed his every command and retreated to his palace to no longer serve as the nobles they once were, but as servants and spawns as Astarion deemed fit.

Just as the city was changing under his thumb, the palace once owned by Cazador Szarr also changed. The gaudy paintings taken down and replaced with marble statues or fine antiques. Some of which found by servants during their evening hunts for more followers to fall under their master’s spell.

Astarion swore he was nothing like Cazador, the wretched bastard was cruel and unforgiving, embarrassing and torturing those he turned for his own cruel entertainment and ensuring he was able to strike fear into every one of them. No, Astarion didn’t punish his servants for no reason, and he didn’t force them to feed on vermin the way he did for two centuries.

That isn’t to say he didn’t have his rules, and when punishment was due it was carried out carefully and with a message along with it. If the punishments were met with resistance, Astarion wasn’t above himself to deal the final blow, ending the insubordination in it’s tracks before it can pick up traction and spread through his coven like a filthy disease.

He knew they would never be able to overpower him if they somehow managed to lapse free from his command, but keeping the peace was within everyone’s best interest to keep invasive thoughts and memories from clouding his mind.

Fifty years had passed since the Netherbrain was defeated; it took Astarion five years after to become the lord of Baldur’s Gate. Within that timespan his old companions departed from the city, following new adventures in quiet hope their paths would never cross again. Only one agreement was made among them, set by the leader themselves that carried the entire team on her back single handily.

“Keep it within Baldur’s Gate.”

A warning, no less, a boundary they set to ensure the entire realm wouldn’t be overrun by vampires, although Astarion would be lying to say the thought didn’t cross his mind every other day or so.

The temptation was always there, and it would be so easy.

As much as Astarion would never admit it, he did respect his dear old friend more than he let on.

She picked him up from the side of the road after he pulled a knife on her, didn’t immediately drive a stake through his heart when he attempted to bite her while she slept. She listened to him prattle and complain about his troubles and concerns, his trauma and story behind the ugly scars that adorned his back.

She promised to stand by his side and help him take down his cruel master in the place he called home. She fought battles that weren’t even hers to fight and with obvious hesitance helped Astarion ascend into the powerful lord he was. Even within his power drunk mind that day, he knew the dynamic of their relationship changed completely and would never be the same again.

He could see it in her eyes when they would speak following the ritual. A look that once projected adoration and love now turned fearful, pleading and cold.

With an offer of immortal life by his side, their relationship ended completely.

Of course, he was insulted by her rejection, but he had no real need for her any longer if he were to become as powerful as he needed to be to bring the city to its knees. He thought she was in it for the long run, but he ended up getting exactly what he wanted in the end.

Perhaps his initial plan of seducing her to ensure she never turned on him worked too well, but with the consequences of their actions it was obvious that becoming a vampire spawn was not a life she wanted to live. Even if it meant being by his side for all of eternity until the world came crashing down around them.

It didn’t hurt entirely, but the sting was still there as he pondered what could have been had she said yes.

Nonetheless it was too far gone in the past to even bring it up anymore, the golden days were long gone and so were his companions. Astarion couldn’t spend his time pondering what everyone else was up to, they wouldn’t dare return to Baldur’s Gate, and he decided to keep things slow and steady while building his coven from the ground up.  

It had been so long, surely she was old or dead by now, judging by human lifespans.

The idea of it was enough to make his usually composed expression cringe with a slight pang of his dead heart. She could have lived forever young, but the possibility she was long gone did bring up a familiar sting.

Not that she was his anymore, he internally scolded himself for allowing himself to linger on the memories and possibilities for too long.

There were more pressing matters to focus on, especially with his ascension anniversary coming up and the grand extravaganza he did annually for the mortal citizens of the city to commemorate the day he gained true freedom and power.

The preparations were going smoothly, his spawn working endlessly to ensure everything was perfect down to the last detail. Roaming the halls, Astarion could only give his directions and opinions regarding where things should be, he wouldn’t dare lift a finger to help decorate.

The sound of his footsteps echoes through the ballroom hall, vampire strung about doing their job to get the preparations completed and keep their dear master content with their efforts. He pretended not to notice how a few of them wince when he walked closer, chalking it up to pure respect and that a little reminder of who’s in charge doesn’t hurt.

Everything was falling into place; the stage was set and soon the ballroom will be filled with people immortal and mortal alike. A subtle feast for those less fortunate to be cast under his vampire spawn’s charms, but a night to remember for the remaining attendees to keep face as lord of the city everyone loved once before.

-------

The Golden City stands before you, imposing and tall like all those photos and stories you’ve heard before. It didn’t quite live up to expectations, a menacing storm overhead unmoving, as if warning those trying to enter to turn away and never return.

There had been no news of Baldur’s Gate for years. Everyone you spoke to mentioned it was still populated and ruled over by one man, a man who helped saved the city from destruction long ago, but regarding progression or innovation there had been little word. You always dreamed of seeing the city with your own two eyes, but as you stand before it you can’t help but feel a sense of dread tug at your heart.

You draw in a deep breath, as if preparing to hold it in your lungs to avoid any toxic fumes the air might have lingered around. Despite the darkness, you do see citizens wandering about and going on with their daily business.

Perhaps you spend too much time reading and listening silly fairy tales.

You travelled a good way to get here, fleeing from your home in Waterdeep and avoiding any questions regarding your adventure. You’re positive nobody witnessed your escape due to the lack of yelling and restraint being placed on you.

For the moment you’re free to explore, get your fix of the city and get back home before anyone is the wiser.

The first step into the city was easy, navigating was a whole other ball game.

One big difference between your hometown and the city is how big it makes you feel. Waterdeep was familiar, you had your family and friends and somehow everyone knew everyone’s business at some point or another- In the City it’s the complete opposite, the feeling of being so small and insignificant imposing itself on you until it feels like it’s the only thing you do know.

Maybe it wouldn’t be such an awful idea to turn back.

 “Don’t forget the Palace doors open at sundown! Our Lord would be honored to have any and all citizens come join the festivities taking place. A night of dancing, drinking and mingling with Baldur’s Gate’s finest.”

The voice was coming from the center of town, a well-dressed man standing in the middle handing out invitations to residents walking by. The practiced smile on his face greeted everyone who made eye contact with him, he was charming to say the least.

Before you even realized your feet were already moving you towards the center, reaching out as the young man offered a warm smile and the invitation. Noting the smile didn’t reach his eyes, you take the invitation and read the contents.

Midnight Masquerade Come one, come all! Lord Astarion invites you to a night of dancing, drinking and dining.

It couldn’t hurt to have at least one night in the city, in fact you were taught that it was rude to decline invitations. You could pop in for a little food and wine and leave before the night was even over.

You tuck the invitation into your pack and adjust it steadily on your back. You needed to find an outfit to fit in, and quickly before the party was ready to start.

[fangedprinx]

The more I think about the Dracula novel the closer I get to wanting to dismantle the story and put it back together again in a way that would kill Bram Stoker if he wasn't already dead

He's not getting any less dead though so my antagonistic approach to the text can't kill him

When I say antagonistic I mean:

A story inspired by thoughts of how the Queen should get snacked on by Dracula along with the British aristocracy, actually, because for all the xenophobic imperialist mental backdrop of a book where the enemy is a spooky foreign dude, the British empire was bloodier than one single vampire in a silly little castle (even if we focus just on the imperial core, there's plenty to zoom in on with the British industrial revolution, e.g. "the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers", the poverty and deprivation of the working class, everyday exploitation with the added bonus of young men being asked to go off and die in wars because people in silly hats are having a pissing contest). Once Dracula is finished using them as a juicebox he should get beheaded in a worker's revolt because he would underestimate the courage and resiliency of the lower classes and expect to just rule over them. And he doesn't have an iota of awareness of how to manipulate the levers of power in a complicated post-feudal social system he ate most of the rulers of. (For context, I am Irish and a socialist and I will go toe to toe with the fear-laden mental landscape of one of the most famous Dubliners to ever write a novel where British aristocrats are some of the good guys.)

Dracula creeping on Jonathan Harker is spooky in the novel but I also don't respect Stoker's intent there. The overtones of unsavoury interest as supposed to imply some sort of homosexual proclivities was then part of the horror especially for audiences of the time, and I don't want to unquestioningly reproduce this dynamic because sincerely fuck that. The fact that Dracula is queer-coded as a villain as part of what makes him villainous is not something I care to take at face value and reproduce. Potentially writing Dracula/Jonathan Harker where Dracula isn't a manipulative creep engaging in subtle psychological abuse and torture of Jonathan is completely contrary to canon characterisation but there's been a long line of Dracula adaptations with a tenuous relationship to canon and I want to break free of the confines of the text and upend its assumptions. I want an aggressive reading/transformative work that disregards the author's intent to create something different from it, and maybe if I have time I will do it myself. Move over fear of the other we have fear of the self (as being attracted to the same gender) to tangle with and then overcome.

The least antagonistic to the text would be fun little bad ends where the failure of the heroes' mission is part of the enjoyment. I'm gonna write a bit of spooky sexy turning characters into evil vampires who are gleeful about being horrors of the night, as a treat.

I enjoy(ed) reading Dracula but I also want to explode it into its constituent atoms and reassemble them in a configuration that suits me more

[thatstormygeek]

This is especially prominent in the US around Thanksgiving. You get the overzealous "Black Friday" ads that begin on November 1st. More often you get the "Black Friday" deals that begin on the Monday before Thanksgiving. Then there's the "last chance" pre-Black Friday deals on Wednesday. Then actual Black Friday. Then Small Business Saturday, which has started advertising at you by Tuesday the previous week. Sunday is full of "Black Friday deals ending soon" ads, along with an increasing stream of Cyber Monday ads that started last Wednesday. Finally, we wrap all of that up with Giving Tuesday, to guilt you into supporting nonprofits after the profit-based businesses all had their crack at your bank account. To counteract their ass-end holiday, the non-profits start sending out their begging messages a couple of weeks early, reminding you not to forget to support them on Giving Tuesday itself when random corporation is offering a match program for the tax writeoff.

Every single one of these is full of exhortations to HURRY to NOT WAIT or you might MISS OUT.

Something so profoundly fucked up between the inverse ratio of shrinking middle class and ever increasing aggression of advertisement

[thatstormygeek]

Bonus points to this piece for using "somerton" as a verb.

And oh look, here’s beard-with-an-idiot-attached Matt Walsh arguing that we shouldn’t even be allowed to have any free time at all! Matt Walsh is still benevolent enough to let us have five hours of our lives when we’re not triaging bullshit emails between George from accounting and the lady whose job it is to make sure that the payroll department remains inefficient. How much free time do you think you should have? I dunno, Matt, how much free time should you have? Matt doesn’t work either. His first job was as a local radio personality. He wound up failing upward because he’s really good at standing in as a surrogate emotional release valve for people who would love to be able to call a minority a degenerate in public but are scared of the real world consequences. People who want validation for the sexual attraction they feel toward their 14 year old cousin because that shit’s in the Bible but you know what isn’t in the Bible? Trans people. Whatever you’ve done that you feel guilt about is between you and Jesus and never the state, unless it’s queer stuff in which case you need a knock on the door from the Ron DeSantis Atomwaffen.

Man, like most people who live in the actual world of waking up in the morning, following orders for an arbitrary hierarchy, and then, with sincere apologies to Matt Walsh, spending a few hours for myself in the evening, I’m just trying to get by and figure out this world as best I can from other people who are living it. I don’t really have much patience for being force-fed poisoned life advice from people whose success trajectory involved the Tooth Fairy making a miscalculation one day and leaving fourteen billion dollars under their pillow.

And all I can think is, why am I hearing you at all? You’re unemployed. You won capitalism. Go to the Bahamas and order yourself whatever drink that is that they serve in a coconut half. You don’t even have to call it retirement if you don’t want to. Raise the rent on one of your investment properties and call it giving yourself a promotion.

[gardenofshadcws]

Dracula Daily Day 86

IT’S THE BIG ONE 

Dr. Seward’s Diary

Renfield nooooo I’m so upset

Dracula how dare you beat my boy like this I’m in PAIN

AND NOW YOU GO AND BLAME HIM FOR THIS?  LIKE HE DID IT TO HIMSELF???

Dr. Abe this is so not an accident what are you talking about

Arthur and Quincey heard the plot needed them and who are they to refuse?

Can we save his life because he’s a human and a good bean and not just because he has information?  Like please?

HE’S ALIVE!!!  

“What’s wrong with my face?” I’m DISTRAUGHT

DON’T DIE

“I must go back to death - or worse” DRACULA HOW COULD YOU

The way Renfield capitalizes He like Dracula is a god, or on a level with God is so telling without saying much at all

Ugh this poor thing has been a victim this entire time.  And Jack just looks at him like a science experiment.

“I don’t care for the pale people” AAAHH MINA

Everything hurts and I’m dying

He tried to SAVE her BABY RENFIELD AAGHGH.

Oh cool we’ve gotten what we wanted so we’re just ditching im I guess.

Quincey I love you but I think saving her from becoming a vampire is more important than silly Victorian propriety

DRACULA GET AWAY FROM HERRRR.

It’s truly disgusting how many adaptations saw this scene with Dracula drinking from Mina and decided “romantic?  Sexy?  Soulmates???”

BUT THE SUITOR SQUAD GOT THIS FUCK OUTTA HERE

Noooo Mina ;~;

This part is destroying me

Jonathan seeing his wife distress and immediately going “I’m going to kill the fucker” is glorious

Mina and Jonathan are relationship goals

“I much touch him or kiss him no more”  “aww hell no” Jonathan is the most ride or die ever.  Given the choice between Mina or God and he chooses Mina I LOVE this sweet boy

NOOO THE RECORDS.  But it’s okay, Mina’s the best and saved everything

RENFIEEEEELDDDDD 

PTERODACTYL SCREECH

BABYYYY NOOOOO

Quincey and his bats, man.

I’m so upset

The story of Dracula slipping in to attack Mina is just as horrifying the second time around

“A little refreshment” ewww

“What have I done to deserve such a fate” NOTHING MINA YOU’RE PERFECT AND WE’RE PRIVILEGED TO HAVE YOU HERE

And there goes Jonathan’s hair

Jonathan Harker’s Journal

Jonathan stressing makes me stressed

God’s not helping you, your friends are helping you

RENFIEEEEEELLLLLLLD

He tried to save Mina and this is what he gets 

This attendant sucks at his job and now my SWEET BOY IS DEAD.

Nothing should have been kept from Mina in the first place dammit

“I shall die!” MINAAAA.

Van Helsing’s right for once, that’s not actually going to help anything. 

Yes, lockpicking, much better than breaking in.

At least Mina doesn’t have fangs yet, that’s a good sign

Way to go Van Helsing, you made Mina cry again.

And then you burned her head.  You’re handling this extremely poorly, man.

Poor Mina :(  Girl just wants to live her life

“She shall not go into that unknown and terrible land alone” AWWWW.  JONATHAN YOU ARE THE SWEETEST.

This is so romantic it’s melting my black dead heart

“I have written this in the train” Just like the beginning of the book, that’s a beautiful callback.

“The place smells so vilely” perhaps that’s because you just lit a cigar, Art (yes, I know it’s Vamp Stink)

Dr. Seward’s Diary

It always seems like a long wait when we’re waiting for Arthur and Quincey.

Jonathan babyyyy

Yeah, Jack, you’ve got nothing on Jonathan I’m sorry

So, if Dracula was a scholar, are we… condemning the seeking of knowledge over faith?  Is that what’s happening here?

The zoophagous patient had a NAME, dammit

Jonathan is out for BLOOD.  And not in the vampire way

There’s Dracula, it’s battle time!

Jonathan where the HELL did you get a kukri

Damn.  SO close.

All this and Mina’s still trying to put on a brave face

Can we stop talking about Mina’s purity because that’s giving off some really icky Madonna-whore stuff

These two love each other so freaking much

Stoker’s letting his boys cry again you love to see it

I am also in tears by the way if you even care

Jonathan Harker’s Journal

I too thought today would never end

“My poor wronged darling” awww

It’s okay, guys, Quincey’s here to protect you :’) 

[orewing]

Top 5 sexiest anime men to you?🎙 a very hard hitting question

anon. you could have made this question so much easier for me by asking for my top 5 most aesthetically pleasing anime men or my top 5 poor little meow meows but "sexiest"? my god. alright. okay. for the purposes of this category I will not be showing my entire ass by picking my personal favourites but instead judging based on a mix of subjective bias and who I think would actually be decent partners

HONOURABLE MENTION: Nagoriyuki (Guilty Gear)

look. I know he's not technically an anime man. but guilty gear is anime-adjacent enough that I at least have to mention him. beautiful noble vampire samurai?? hand in marriage?? hand in marriage sir????

5. Kusuriuri (Mononoke)

I WANT HIS GENDER. that's all

4. Shouta Aizawa (My Hero Academia)

I know he's a little rough around the edges but he's a genuinely very caring person at heart who always does his utmost to protect those entrusted to his care and I think that's deeply admirable!! and he has a nice voice (junichi suwabe characters my BELOVED)

though this pick may partly be the competency kink talking ngl

3. Doppo Kunikida (Bungou Stray Dogs)

I've joked before that everyone in bsd has a traumatic backstory, except for kunikida, who is currently in the process of acquiring one. he looks well put together but he goes through so much. please god let him rest

2. William James Moriarty (Moriarty the Patriot)

if kunikida is the guy who would die for you, william is the guy who would kill for you. ruthlessly efficient and a staunch ally of the underprivileged and downtrodden. he wants to overthrow the noble class and I think that's very sexy of him. he's also not afraid to get his hands dirty and can handle his own in a fight, which I respect.

1. Kento Nanami (Jujutsu Kaisen)

despite not being my #1, #2 or even #10 blorbo in jujutsu kaisen, nanami definitely ranks as its most eligible bachelor. he's got a good head on his shoulders and is one of few characters in the series that could be classed as a responsible adult. he's also one of few characters in the series I can say I actually respect. commentary on capitalism (beloved)

also he has really big... shoulders.