LBTE: Jared (149-150)
In which Jared is the last to find out about his sister's new boyfriend, and he takes it just as calmly as you'd expect.
If you would like to follow along the series page is here.
“Um,” Jared says, when he opens the front door of their apartment to find Bryce beaming right at him.
Like, right at him. Like if Jared had swung open the door without paying attention he might have smacked Bryce right in his beautiful face.
Literally ran to the door like a puppy hearing its human come home.
“I’m allowed to train again!” Bryce says.
“Like,” Jared says. “Very carefully?”
“Very carefully,” Bryce confirms, and then, as if he’s trying to completely undermine Jared’s confidence that he’ll take that advice seriously, bolts into the living room at high speed.
A puppy with the zoomies.
Jared catches “—sorry, had to tell Jared—“, which he thinks means Bryce literally dropped everything to tell him, everything presumably being a call with Elaine. Though it could be someone else, Jared supposes. Theoretically.
“—love you too, mom,” Bryce says, then reappears so quickly Jared thinks he bolted right back.
Zoom zoom. (To no one’s surprise, he did — albeit with ‘one sec I think Jared’s home’ first. Elaine didn’t mind)
“Come on!” Bryce says, and that’s how Jared caps off an entire day at the gym by going to another, closer gym, and trying not to helicopter husband, partly because they’re in public, and partly because Bryce might bite his head off if he gets between him and the equipment after a long absence.
Relationship with Jared over, now gym equipment is Bryce’s best friend.
Jared says nothing, even when a piece of penne lands on the carpet. Bryce is too happy about all the complaining he’s doing to deflate him. And it’s not like Jared’s worried Bryce is going to go hungry.
He does, however, make Bryce clean the pasta up, because if he didn’t he’s pretty sure Bryce would literally not even notice it was there. He has to do it again himself after Bryce does a half-assed job and then puts his nose right in his phone. Thank fuck it wasn’t a tomato based sauce or their carpet would be toast. Why do they even have a carpet? They’re clearly not responsible enough for one.
Seriously, carpet should have disqualified the place.
“Uh, J?” Bryce says. “You might want to check twitter?”
“Signing?” Jared asks on his way back from the kitchen. It’s getting around that time where some of the stragglers realise a contract-less season is imminent and take whatever offers are still available. That or teams realise they’re missing a key piece of the picture and start looking into what’s available and affordable. “Trade?”
“Um,” Bryce says, his whole body a wince, which is — concerning. “Just look?”
No fucking way Bryce is telling him, you can’t make him.
“Did they trade Gabe?” Jared asks.
They can’t trade Gabe. Gabe’s franchise, one of only two players from that Cup season still on the Canucks. He’s a fan favourite, and a sizeable contingent of their younger fans don’t remember a team without him. It’s pretty much an open secret he wants to spend his entire career in Vancouver, and that’s mutual. Also Stephen would fight management. Possibly literally.
Also Jared would be sad, so clearly it’s not allowed.
It has to be someone on the team who means more to Jared than they do to Bryce, considering it’s something Bryce thinks Jared needs to see for himself, which leaves Gabe and —
Literally it’s just Gabe.
Also Stephen, but Jared’s pretty sure Brian can’t trade him.
“Nobody’s traded!” Bryce says. “Just. You need to see it? Instead of me telling you about it?”
Not for a million dollars will Bryce tell him.
If people on the internet are talking about how hot they think Jared’s dad is again, he swears to god —
One of my favourite subplots that doesn’t make the main narrative — Don the DILF.
“Erin’s trending again,” Bryce says.
Jared’s sister trending on twitter is really not something that Jared expected to happen twice. Like, even in a big Canadian market, that’s getting slightly absurd for a the sister of a middle-six forward.
Imagine how she feels. (She again thinks it’s funny)
Bryce gently kicks him in the shin. “You might want to look it up.”
“No thanks,” Jared says.
Bryce kicks him again. “Seriously, though.”
“If I do will you stop kicking me?” Jared asks.
“Yeah,” Bryce says.
Please look this up out of your own volition so you won’t shoot Bryce Marcus, Messenger.
“J,” Bryce says. “He’s clearly not going to pick up.”
Jared hits ‘end’ and then ‘call’ for the fourth time.
Surely he will pick up the fourth time you call to yell at him.
“Maybe just leave a message?” Bryce suggests weakly.
“Are you fucking my sister?” Jared asks when the operator’s finished telling him the number he has dialled is currently unavailable, because Julius couldn’t even be bothered to set his voicemail message after literal years in Canada. “And pick up your fucking phone, Halla, I swear to god.”
Bryce regrets his suggestion.
“What,” he says.
“He’s probably not going to want to call you back?” Bryce says. “If you sound like that?”
“Nobody cares what Julius wants!” Jared says.
“Um,” Bryce says. “Are you — okay?”
Bryce increasingly realising Jared was completely blindsided by this and mentally rewinding to every time he thought Jared was just ignoring the relationship out of pettiness.
“You knew about this,” Jared says with dawning realisation.
Bryce looks shifty.
“You knew,” Jared says. “And you let me find out from twitter.”
“I didn’t know know,” Bryce says.
They have not been formally told, but nobody has been hiding this from them. See: several parts ago, when Erin was visiting a friend in Edmonton (nobody told Jared it was a university friend, as he stated, Jared just assumed it must be because he knows Erin didn’t keep in touch with anyone from high school or earlier. Neither Matheson sibling is a big friend maker)
“Jared,” Bryce says, then, from the other side of a slammed door, “Hey, that’s my room!”
Jared is sulking, so by all rights the sulking room now belongs to him.
He’d ask if the picture was misinterpreted, like it was with Bryce, but there really aren’t that many interpretations for a kiss. Sure, some cultures greet one another with kisses, but as far as Jared is aware, the Finns are not one of them, and neither are the Mathesons.
Ah yes, the famed Matheson culture. Signs of affection are ribbing, mockery, and snide.
And even if a kiss on the mouth was a Finnish greeting, it’d be one Julius would pointedly not do. Julius doesn’t like participating in things.
This is so accurate but hilarious from Jared because it’s one of the reasons they get along so well.
He’s not your liney anymore. Erin replies. P sure both your current lineys are already taken.
Also he’s literally on a rival team now? That’s like the anti-liney.
Ene-liney.
So you’re not denying it. Jared texts. He originally ended the text an exclamation mark, but that looked too dramatic. He’s fine. He’s chill.
So you’re not denying it!
Is this a thing? Jared writes, after deleting the two extra question marks that somehow popped up.
Is this a thing???
How long has this been a thing? Jared asks.
Officially? Like two weeks.
Before this there was some hanging out. But the euphemism-y kind of hanging out. And some texting while Julius was away. But Julius came back from Finland early, even before it was ‘officially’, which makes it a full-on Thing.
Unofficially? Jared asks.
Idk. You know how it is, Erin replies.
Jared does not know how it is. He can’t even begin to guess what she’s referring to, he has so little awareness of how it is. He met Bryce and that was it for him. Well. Give or take a few weeks and a minor grudge.
Oh we’re calling it a minor grudge now?
Wait no you don’t you were engaged at my age hahaha
Erin obviously knows Jared was engaged at nineteen, and gave him shit for it at the time (her ‘I can’t believe you’re going to be a child bride’ is one of my favourite lines in the entire series) but now that she’s nineteen herself?
His phone lights up with another text, which is just hahahahahaha and crying laughing emojis.
She’s dying what were they THINKING.
“Can I come in?” Bryce asks meekly.
“Fine,” Jared says, since it’s not like he’s talking to Erin anymore. Though he doesn’t know why Bryce would want to. This is the sulking room, and Bryce doesn’t seem sulky about this at all.
Only Big Sulky Babies allowed.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you?” Bryce says, perching on the bed beside Jared as Jared tries to forcibly wipe his brain clean. “I just — kind of thought it was something we both knew but we were like, pretending we didn’t know so you could ignore it forever.”
Look at Bryce supportively pretend something doesn’t exist because he fears for Jared’s sanity.
“Don and I are cool now,” Bryce says. “Sort of. Mostly. He hasn’t insulted me to my face in like – a while. Huh. That’s a good sign.”
Don did mean it about Bryce being a member of the family after he married Jared. You don’t insult family. Mock? Sure. Tease? Absolutely. But insult? Absolutely not.
“Why didn’t someone actually say ‘hey Jared, you do know this is a thing, right?’” Jared asks. His immediate family and Julius all know that Jared can be, well —
Someone should have made sure he was aware, is the point.
“I honestly think Erin just wanted to see how long it’d take you to figure it out if no one actually said ‘hey Jared, Erin and Julius are dating’,” Bryce says. “And apparently the answer was a picture on twitter?”
Everyone assumed Jared already knew and was pointedly ignoring it. Except Erin. She knew that Jared would yell at her or Julius when he knew, and therefore he was still in the dark.
Bryce looks shifty again. “Ash told me that Erin said that?”
Which means Ash knows, obviously. And that Ash and Bryce have discussed this. So Chaz must know. And Maia. Not that babies know things, just —
Don’t worry, Jared, I promise Maia didn’t know before you.
Fucking Oilers fans found out about this before Jared did. Flames fans did.
He doesn’t know why, but the fact Flames fans knew this before Jared did makes this so much worse than if it was just Oilers fans.
This is simultaneously a weird thing to get stuck on, yet also totally understandable. Oilers fans are Julius fans. Flames fans are Julius haters. But also may remember Erin from Bryce drama. Also fuck Flames fans, all Jared’s homies hate Flames fans.
Jared’s phone buzzes from where he tossed it after the last emoji round. He bets it’s more hahahahas. Possibly some skulls. Erin likes to die laughing.
She can’t hahaha any longer, she’s already dead from laughing.
150. Affront
Jared thinks people are supposed to be afraid of death. He’s pretty sure that’s common, reasonable. When threatened with death, people should feel fear. But what is Julius Halla doing right now? He’s laughing. At Jared.
He basically lived with you, Jared, he knows just how little true bite there is in you.
“Stop laughing,” Jared hisses. “You traitor.”
“Who am I a traitor to,” Julius says. He sounds vaguely curious, like someone who’s been accused of something ludicrous, and is interested to see how you came to that conclusion. Which is rich, for a traitor.
But who is he a traitor TO, Jared?
“Me!” Jared says. “And friendship! And lineys! And — there’s a code!”
I do enjoy Jared continually using Julius being his liney as a reason when they have now been divisional rivals longer than they were ever linemates.
“You think it’s the definition of toxic masculinity,” Julius says. “And that it frequently treats women as objects and prizes to be won, and also acts like showing affection towards your friends is gay. And you’re gay, and you think showing affection is disgusting, so obviously there is no connection.”
He listens <3
“She’s like, ten!” Jared says. “She’s way too young for you.”
Julius is very quiet. “How much older than you is—“
There’s about a two and a half year age difference between Erin and Julius. Bryce and Jared’s is just shy of four years. As Julius well knows, the bastard.
“Eating my food and dating my sister,” Jared says. “Who is a child.”
“How old were you when you got engaged?” Julius asks.
Jared can only an inarticulate sound of rage in answer, because Julius knows exactly how old he was when he got engaged.
The answer is ‘exactly as old as Erin is now’. As Julius is well aware, the BASTARD. Also, a missing word, my bad.
“Wait,” Jared says, suddenly horrified. More horrified. “You’re not engaged, are you?”
“No!” Julius says, sounding equally horrified.
This question isn’t the reason Julius doesn’t want to get married, but it certainly did not help.
“How did this even happen,” Jared moans. “Wait. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know anything. Why didn’t you tell me.”
This feels like a trick question.
“I wanted to wait to tell you in person,” Julius says. “Because I was concerned you’d be, well. You know.”
People keep telling Jared he knows things that he does not know.
“I don’t know,” he says.
“Hysterical,” Julius says.
“I am not hysterical!” Jared says.
This might be more believable if Jared hadn’t shrieked that last bit.
The fact Bryce bursts out laughing in the living room contradicts that statement, but Julius can’t hear him. And maybe it’s coincidental laughter. Maybe Bryce is watching something funny. Because Jared is not hysterical.
“Wait, Erin didn’t think I’d be hysterical?” Jared says.
Look, Jared may deny he’s hysterical, but also — why didn’t Erin think he’d be hysterical? Even if he isn’t. Because he is not. But also — really?
For all of Erin’s many…many…many faults, an inability to predict Jared’s behaviour is unfortunately not one of them. She used her predictive ability for blackmail purposes way too much when they were younger, always caught him in the act when he was breaking the few house rules he ever broke then threatened to snitch if Jared didn’t do shit for her. He made her so many grilled cheese sandwiches. To this day he associates grilled cheese with smug smiles and extortion.
Admission of hysteria. Also Jared makes an excellent grilled cheese sandwich. Worth surveillance for blackmail purposes for sure.
“But I was in Finland at the beginning of summer,” Julius says. “And then Bryce injured his shoulder, and you went to Vancouver, and there was no good time. And then twitter.”
Julius, if asked, would say they were a thing months earlier than Erin would. But they had not yet defined the relationship.
“She’s fine,” Julius says. “She thinks it’s funny.”
He sounds faintly scandalised. Which is understandable, because it’s not funny.
“Did you tell her it’s not funny,” Jared says.
“I did,” Julius says. “She says she gets to decide if it’s funny or not.”
“But it’s not funny,” Jared says.
“I know,” Julius says.
Counterpoint from Erin: it’s fucking hilarious, you’re both just boring.
“Don’t like —“ Jared says, then pauses, because there are a lot of different demands warring in him right now. “That’s my sister, Halla.”
“I know,” Julius says. “Would it help if I told you I have…strong…feelings—“
“Gross,” Jared says. “Stop talking.”
“Okay,” Julius says, sounding greatly relieved.
I love their friendship. Every time feelings are involved they both react like cats getting sprayed with water.
“No,” Jared says. “Obviously it is. Did you know that they were together?”
There’s a silence.
“Mom?” Jared says.
“…did you not?” his mom asks. “Jared!”
NOBODY was hiding this from Jared. Nobody.
“Erin’s spent more time in Edmonton than Calgary since her semester ended,” mom says.
“She has a friend there,” Jared says, then, “Oh.”
Yes.
There's only one direct reference to Erin and Julius’ relationship before Jared finds out in the series, because I had to ride a careful line there, as Jared hadn’t noticed anything, so his POV wouldn’t really reflect the information he wasn’t paying attention to.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jared demands. ‘Friend’ is not telling him. ‘Friend’ is a euphemism you use when the other person already knows.
“I thought you knew!” his mom says. “And were just immaturely pretending that as long as you didn’t acknowledge it then it wasn’t actually happening!”
Jared thinks it might be a concerning sign that the two people who know him best both assume he thinks that if he pretends something hard enough, it won’t happen.
Yes that might indicate something about you, Jared.
“Yes!” Jared says. “Why aren’t you mad about this? Your daughter’s dating a hockey player. A hockey player. And you’re letting her?”
“You’re a hockey player, Jared,” his mom says. “As is your husband. And literally all of your friends.”
This isn’t exactly Grace’s mom upon finding out she was dating Raf.
“That’s just people in general, sweetie,” his mom says. “And we know Julius is a nice young man.”
“He is not,” Jared says. Julius is many things, but he is not nice.
“You know what I mean by nice, Jared,” his mom says.
He’s not a nice boy, but he is a good one. Also he speaks Matheson quite fluently.
“You can’t just assume that I like him.”
“Jared,” his mom says. “You love that boy. You brought him home for Christmas.”
“Out of the kindness of my heart,” Jared says.
“You brought home someone you don’t like for Christmas out of the kindness of your heart,” his mom says. “And then you invited him to your wedding. As one of the handful of guests who wasn’t immediately related to you or Bryce. Out of the kindness of your heart.”
Jared, we all know there is not even close to that much kindness in your heart.
“Obviously you like him, or he wouldn’t be one of your best friends,” his mom says. “And since you’re choosy about who you’re friends with, that means a lot. You have extremely good taste in friends, when you actually bother to make them.”
Jared picks at the hem of his shorts.
Jared thinks it’s quite rude for his mom to use facts and reason against him when he is intent on being unreasonable.
“Gross, love,” Jared says.
“I won’t tell Erin you love her, I promise,” his mom says.
“Good,” Jared says. “Ew.”
How dare anyone say he loves his (demon) sister.
“Jared,” his mom says. “Are you making this all about you?”
“No,” Jared says.
“Jared,” his mom says.
“Well it’s a little bit about me, isn’t it!” Jared says. “He’s my friend. And liney.”
“Former liney,” his mom says. Everyone’s so fixated on that part. Liney status can last past being teammates. Look at Jared and Chaz: linemates for life. Even though Bryce subsequently stole Chaz a little, despite the fact they played on completely different lines on the Flames. Not that it’s stealing. Couples share.
Jared can share. Look at how good Jared is at sharing. He only holds Bryce befriending Chaz against him a little, years down the line. That’s sharing.
Eventually Julius is going to get exposed to Erin’s sparkling personality.
He’s had some exposure therapy, rooming with Jared.
Jared would mention that long-distance relationships are highly prone to failure, but he’s pretty sure mom would bring up how much of his relationship with Bryce involved long-distance, and Jared is frankly sick of people reminding him of his own extremely successful relationship, and not letting him be hypocritical.
What bullshit.
He hates arguing with his mom. It’s like arguing with himself, except worse, because at least when he argues with himself, he always technically wins.
The best kind of argument.
“You remind me so much of your dad right now,” mom says.
“Mom!” Jared says.
“A little Don in the making,” his mom says. “He’d be so proud.”
Jared tries to tell her to take it back, but all he can manage is an inarticulate sound of rage. Again.
The cruelest thing you could say to him.
“I got Thai from that place on Burrard you really like,” Bryce says, then, all in a rush, “Sorry for assuming you knew about Julius and Erin and were just pretending you didn’t instead of like, actually not knowing. If I knew you actually didn’t know I would have told you. Or made Erin tell you because it wouldn’t be my place to tell you or. Are you mad at me?”
Sala Thai, for anyone curious. Also, poor Bryce. He really did think Jared knew.
“Did you get me soup to shut me up?” Jared asks.
“I got you it because it’s your favourite?” Bryce says, looking both hurt and confused.
Poor, poor Bryce.
“—and doesn’t he realise what Erin’s like?” Jared says. “Because he is going to be unpleasantly surprised when he gets to know her a little better.”
“Uh,” Bryce says. “I think he’s had a pretty good preview of what Erin’s like?”
BRYCE, NO. I mean, you are 100% correct, but NO.
“We are nothing alike,” Jared says.
“Erin made the exact same face when I said that,” Bryce says. “Like. That’s almost creepy.”
“You’ve said this to her?” Jared says.
“Yeah, because you’re both—“ Bryce says, then, “Ow! She did that too!”
Why do Mathesons keep smacking Bryce’s arm when he tells them the truth?
“We’re nothing alike,” Jared mutters.
Bryce says nothing, but he’s got this look on his face like ‘I’m humouring you right now by not arguing, but you know and I know that you’re full of shit’.
“Stop — looking at me with that face,” Jared says.
Bryce huffs out a laugh. “Erin said—“
Jared can’t hear him.
“Jared,” Bryce says, muffled. “Jared, I know you can hear me.”
Jared cannot.
Erin wasn’t immature enough to put her hands over her ears though, that one’s all Jared.
“Take it back,” Jared says.
“No,” Bryce says. “I’m not pretending something isn’t true just because you don’t like it, that’s ridiculous.”
Jared picks up his noodles.
“I got you soup,” Bryce says sadly as Jared stomps right back to the sulking room, this time with dinner.
Poor, poor Bryce.
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