#cant they ever make things easy on themself

[yuhi-san]

this is gold. there are like so many layers to what is going on. they are all over the place. weolfwood is so funny. he did that on purpose to troll vash. but vash is so indecisive and back and forth that ww ends up wondering if vash is even actually into guys??

pre-trimax

[asclexeposting]

sometimes i feel jealous of cisgender people but then. i dont it’s whatever man. no wait i am. i am very jealous of cisgender people in a fucked up way. what

[basilpaste]

i am very out of it atm and if i wasnt i could make a more coherent post about it. but do yall ever think about how all of the things siffrin 'misses' are a direct consequence of him being recently disabled?

their depth perception is off and the one eye they do have is probably significantly worse than it was because it has to overcompensate. so they miss the switch in the death corridor.

and he misses the key in the head housemaidens office. because its on the bottom of the drawer. and he wouldnt be able to see that at all, but if theres any indication that the drawer looks off, like a weird gap at the bottom, itd be really easy for them to miss it.

and the same goes for the key in the classroom. its in a thick book and chances are they cant really process the fact that the space between some of the pages is larger than normal.

and theres the counter. and how he trips in bonnies friendquest. and they blame themself for these things EVERY TIME. they call themself stupid and bad at their job and he LOST AN EYE. and its just like. its all internalized ableism, baybe! all the fucking way down!!!!!

he wants to operate how he did before losing his eye. He wants to be able to do all the same things the exact same way. and that just isnt feasible. which is okay! and people would understand if he just TALKED ABOUT IT. but they wont!!!!!

anyways ive been thinking about siffrin and the fact that they got so used to fighting on flat ground. and like what that means post-loops. ive been thinking about him knocking into something or missing a little detail and just fucking losing it because hes SO frustrated. so unbelievably mad at himself for not noticing something obvious, not seeing.

and im thinking about them being forced to learn that they run differently now. and theres no going back! no fixing it! and he just has to live with it!!!!! because the eye is gone and they cant just get a new one. and maybe they dont have to be okay with that, but he has to learn to accept that hes changed.

waugh.

[radioroxx]

da bebes ;-; <3

THE BABIES <3 (link to og fankid post)

using this ask as an excuse to share some thoughts we had about the kids interactions with the others from the party! depending on some disc screenshots to help me lol

hehe!

OK FIRST. MIRABELLE

absolutely absolutely she is the type to spoil the kids. with candy and sweets and late bedtimes she just cannot say no to them ever she is far too fond. and yes she would read to them. she picks out book she especially likes, or ones that she enjoyed as a kid, and totally not as an excuse to talk about these characters she loves so much nooo-

(as long as the books are. age appropriate ofc. not too scary for the youngins,,)

on top of that she would be very easy to talk to! isa and sif do make sure to always be emotionally open with their kids, would never want them to feel like they cant talk about something, but even then. sometimes its nice to have someone else to depend on. just in case. and mira loves to chat with em :)

NEXT. ODILE

odile cares for these kids oooh so so so much. she would never admit it but, much like the rest of her family, she would do horrible horrible things to make them happy. even if she. isnt the best with kids. in general. shes trying her best and the kids definitely thinking her dry humour and sarcastic bluntness is funny as hell

also she is 100% the embarrassing stories one. the kids ask her for the same silly story about their parents again and again eeevery time she visits. they never get tired of it and neither does she. (sif and isa certainly do though fjnf)

BONNIE… we didnt talk much about bonnie,,

doing some very basic math bonnie would be arounnd their? early or mid twenties when the kids are. “born”. (wished into existence). which makes me honestly so depressed and sad to thinking about ohmy god theyre growing up i might die

i think they would bond very easily with the kids though! would enjoy getting to show and teach them things- things that make themself happy like cooking etc. i do think as well bon would be trying very hard, maybe a little too hard, to appear cool and chill around them. so that they respect them. (kinda how i hc sif to have been around bon early on pre-story,, bc nothing is more validating than the approval of an 11yo lol)

OK FINALLY… LOOP…..

i already talked a bit about loop in the original post but i guess i can juuust repeat myself a lil.

loops feeling are complicated. we joked about them being a funny babysitter, the kids probably think theyre so so fun to play with, buut it might take some time to get there. its been years since the end of the loops, working through jealously and learning to be satisfied with what they do have but! this is! different!! and its hard…

… but it gets better

(im out of screenshot space but we also had the idea of the kids putting on plays, maybe if sif ever shared his love of theatre with them, and tbey would absolutely rope loop into it. loop who is reluctant to participate until they realize how much fun theyre having with these two)

[forestryfae]

chaos lord hcs i consider canon cus thats what hc means lol

chaos lords tend to take a few traits after their familiars.

klarions pupils work the same way cats do. slits when hes relaxed, big and round when hes excited. he may purr on occasion but its usually only directed at teekl when shes snuggled into him. he likes to push things off of tables but thats not a familiar trait thing, he just saw teekl do it once and thought it looked fun.

child is cold to the touch and if the light hits her right her skin seems opalescent. her bones are partially transparent and looks like its made from opals and white quartz despite being solid bone

chaos lords need their familiars to be concious to stay properly on the mortal plane. thus, they need to sleep when their familiar is asleep. e.g. klarion wont ever discorporealize from teekl taking a catnap but he has the option of phazing in or out of the mortal plane for a while (annoying but harmless), waking her up (worse) or taking a nap w teekl (best choice)

in fact pretty much all chaos lords (and lords of order if the shoe fits) revolve their daily schedules around their familiars sleep schedules, despite familiars sleeping far less than normal animals

child cant sleep because of flaw. this does not affect her in the slightest.

sometimes klarion (specifically) will just drop dead. you know when cats loaf and suddenly their head just drops so theyre loafing face down and asleep? yeah, teekl fell asleep and klarion didnt notice and now hes fallen face first on the floor and is snoozing away. he could fall off the empire state building and not notice until after teekl wakes up

you cant wake him up. hes dead to the world until teekl wakes/is woken up and even then he might keep snoozing for a while before he wakes up on his own

vandal has, more than once, had to deal w his snoring during a meeting

his snoring isnt actually that loud if hes lying down properly. he tends to sleep like a cat tho. literally Wherever

lords of order generally dont have to be on the mortal plane very often and actively avoid it, unlike chaos lords who delight in being able to go, so its rarer for them to need anchors or familiars. nabu was basically their get out of work card

chaos/order lord language is mostly consistent of loud humming, hollow noises, and clear tones. the way electricity sounds, ice cracking, thunder rumbling, tuning forks, and so on also appear on occasion, and its easy to compare the noise they make to the sound of a planet spinning. there is a mild telepathic aspect of it used to convey mood and feelings as well. its like body language but psychich, and no actual words, thoughts or images are spoken psychically

its common to choose what noises are used based on favourite sounds and tones, hence the need for the telepathy. telempathy?? yeah thats a word now. gender is also linked to noises.

gender isnt really a thing the way it is for humans. sex as well, but genetics are. lords of whatever reproduce by deciding "i want a kid actually" and then manifesting a soul for that child. ideally you want between 2-5 lords manifesting at once so theres a variation in the powers used to bring them to life, if you only manifested a child from one lord youd just get a badly made copy of that lord.

manifesting a child is not seen as sexual, its more like witnessing a birth, so its not uncommon for children to just pop up out of nowhere in public. generally this has few reactions from others beyond congratulations. the knowledge of how to do it is still kept from children and young lords to prevent bad copies or irresponsible duplications from inexperience. not to mention that parenthood is kind of a big deal, you dont want a lord who was born last millennia try to make a shit duplicate, fail, and essentially rip themself in half, erasing them from existence

it is seen as. vulgar. to ask someone to help create a child. you generally say out loud "i want a child and need help" and suitors will offer their help. after that its pick or choose.

biological sex isnt a thing due to the way children are created, but gender still is there to some degree. some dont have one at all, while some have very strong feelings of it. its linked massively to noises and is seen as an accessory, like wearing a favourite bracelet or a cool tshirt. for some only hollow and humming tones is the perfect gender, for others low thundering rumbling with highpitched tones is excellent, and some might prefer using all the noises or stick to just one, and some may change periodically

physical bodies tend to be malleable enough to fix if they dont like what theyre given or alter if they change their mind, but they generally view genitals and sex characteristics as aestethic functions and do as they see fit based on what they feel looks nice and is more useful for them

nabu views the host body as just a host and therefore does not ever alter the host body. hes content w whatever he gets, he just lives there after all

lords of chaos and order have different dialects. its unclear to everyone else what the difference is though.

lords may take the soul of a mortal and turn it into a chaos lord/lord of order. this is called adoption :)

due to personal reasons, klarion may or may not be adopted depending on what backstory i want to use

(born as a chaoslord sometime between the beginning of the universe and roungly 5000 years before meeting vandal and was never human or anything else VS born in Limbo Town 2; The Adaption To Make It Less Lost Tribe Of Roanoke And More Homo Magi + Fae Cross Species From A Place Called Limbo Town, became a very powerful but chaotic magic user, chaos lord said "i want that one" and approaching him, klarion accepting and upon his death hell ascend, got murdered in cult ritual, became chaos lord and adopted by his mother (he has 2 now) and some time space power shit happens so he ascends into the past where his new mom who knows time chaos adopted him)

chaos lords are always red and lords of order are always yellow but the hue and saturation varies. some are more pink, some are kinda orange, some are blood colored, some have specks of different colors or ombres or stripes, some are very light or very dark, and so on etc etc

klarion has more than once refered to lords of order as "piss rocks from space"

[im-smart-i-swear]

There is a very very very importrant piece of buddy lore that i dont think ive ever shared with ANYONE before but which is FUNDAMENTAL to who they are and how they see themself. Idk why ive never said this before lmao but its Importrant.

So. Ok. The biggest reason why bud feels so guilty about what happened all these years ago still is beacuse, in that moment, when he was trying to kill keith - it was the happiest he has ever felt, before or since. And it haunts them.

They were being mind controlled by haggar, and in my specific interpretation i think its fascinating to think of it not as her literally using him as a puppet, but rather putting him in an altered mind state of sorts? Manipulating his thoughts and emotions until hes willing to do her bidding. Idrk how to explain this lol, but basically i mean that she, through her weird witch shit, turned bud into a '''willing''' servant. Shed just tell him what to do and hed do it bc that's what he Should Be Doing, beacuse that Feels Right. Bc at the moment he genuinely believes hes doing the right thing

Throughout those months w the paladins bud was undeniably having a Bad Time (and also making it everyones problem, rip lance...). so when he finally breaks and haggar gets a hold on him... He doesnt have to think anymore. All he has to do is follow orders, and god, isn't that so much easier? Isnt this so much better? It feels right, to follow instructions blindly, even if he can hear his friends screaming at him throught the fog. That's not importrant anyway.

What im trying to say is- between the exhaustion, the weird mind control shit, the constant headaches and clone programming... Somehow, that total loss of control had the effect of feeling terrifyingly, intoxicantly good. And that's why they can not forgive themself for what they did, even after all these years

To be clear, this is exactly what haggar intended to happen. This was her goal. If your puppet doesnt think the things hes doing are wrong, he wont even try to fight you! But to buddy pinning all the blame on the witch feels too easy. Too tempting. Can they really say it was all her when they vividly remember the peace, the satisfaction they felt when they carried out her orders? Is this really something you can go back from?

Blaming themself is their way of taking back control, in a way. The idea of being completely stripped of their free will, being molded like clay until they fit someones mold - its such a terryfying thought to bud that theyd rather blame themself than admit that complete and utter vulnerability. They werent manipulated into being a puppet, no no no no, they did this all themself! Beacuse they felt like it! Haggar just told them what to do and they did it all bc they wanted to, they were in control the whole time!! Theyre just a sick bastard who did this and enjoyed it. Haha...

The constant crushing guilty they carry around wherever they go is, in their mind, the only way they can make up for this. They cant forgive themself, they cant move on, they will carry this burden until the day they die. Its what they deserve. They have to try and be a good person, and no matter if they succeed at this or not the guilt will always be there. They are a monster, they are unredeemable. It doesnt stop them from trying. But they are always aware of this looming presence that is their guilt.

This is also why they view themself as diffrent from the other clones. Stick isn't a bad person bc he helped haggar out of self-preservation and was also a child at the time. Soup isn't a bloodthirsty monster(and neither is shiro) bc she didnt have a choice. But to bud, they DID make that choice themselves. And that makes them a horrible person.

[nyatbinary-81]

As someone who absolutely despises the "Two Spirits in Golden Freddy" theory to the point that I legit abandoned the FNaF fandom as a whole when it became the dominant fanon... I would love it if you elaborated your findings

grabs u. thank u so much for asking. theres a free copy of the logbook on archive.org. u are welcome to read it urself. check my findings. see if i missed anything. butjust for u. i will gather my Ramblings. ill put it all under the cut b cits. oh boy its Long. theres even some new ones at the end! just for you!

The Main Argument:

ive always felt theres something no one ever really touched on when it comes to cassidy.

dual process theory asked why a random missing kid would be narratively important enough to be the vengeful spirit, and they concluded that cassidy is the crying child, charlie is the faded text, and michael is the vengeful spirit. all things i agree with, as it helps the narrative feel more cohesive to me.

the larger community asks why michael draws a nightmare animatronic, which is close.

the question i think everyone misses is simple: why does faded ask such specific questions? some of them, like 'what can you see' and 'do you remember your name', are questions that could be asked by a stranger. but then for other questions, faded knows far too much about the crying child.

a stranger would ask "did you have a favorite toy?" but faded asks "was your favorite childhood toy a plastic purple telephone?" (page 23)

a stranger might say "did you ever have a toy you talked to like a person?" but faded asks "does [fredbear] still talk to you?" (page 75)

this clearly implies that faded already knows altered/cc, and is specifically trying to get them to remember who they are. to which cc responds by spelling out the only name they can think of: cassidy.

why would cc, when they remember so little, be able to spell a strangers name? why would mike (who gives multiple numbers)? why would faded put so much emphasis on finding the crying childs name only for cassidy to be theirs?

cassidy cant be a stranger, a random fifth kid. altered/cc and michael clearly already know who cassidy is, and faded knows who cc is. since ccs friend circle is established to be his plushies and his family at best, cassidy cannot be a random kid. and the only unnamed kid in the circle of aftons is cc themself.

Hi Faded I Love U Faded No One Gets U Like I Do

'but then whos faded', asks the little strawman of cassidy truthers im propping up to make this last point. why do they write "MY name" on the grave if theyre not cassidy? well, thats easy. if youve seen dual process' theory, you already know the answer. its charlie. but here, little strawman that doesnt believe them, let me provide one last point: page 31.

while its been dismissed by those who dont think the girl is cassidy, which has been the primary argument for importance by the Cassidy Truthers, it IS, definitively, essential. on this page, the puppet is giving a pink, tiered cake with three cherries on top. a cake which, while clearly distinct, bears a striking resemblance to the cakes seen in the happiest day minigame. this logbook picture is the second time the puppet is ever seen giving out cake. hells, the page itself tells you to "reflect on the happiest day of your life" and "write about one specific memory from that day that will make you feel better if you find yourself facing CERTAIN DEATH". it could not BE a more obviously important page. and what i find interesting is that that is the page where faded asks, right in the center, "DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR NAME?" all of this comes together to clearly imply that the puppet is the one asking the question, just like how you ask any birthday kid their name so you can properly wish them their happy birthday.

Hey, Why Isnt This Mentioned In Any Mainline Theories?? (Bonus Segment)

the puppet shows up on a second birthday themed page (page 98), right next to the page where michael brings up the bite. its almost like this motif is important or something.

the first number given is pointed to by a red arrow with "MY NAME" written on it. also, the page is about what prizes you would want to see behind the prize counter. hey, that sounds an awful lot like the puppets prize corner!

yes, faded writes "MY NAME" on a gravestone. a gravestone that mike drew when asked about his future. also, theres 2 graves in the picture whos names we cant see; the 5th child and, again, (presumably) charlie. page 32, for the record

on page 43, faded writes "MY NAME" on a page of childhood toys. page 42 is where they ask CC if the toys look familiar. interestingly, on page 42, the toys are a bike, a doll of a boy, and a phone, much like cc. on page 43, they are a flute, a girl, and a jack in the box. much like, say it with me, the puppet.

on page 79, "MY NAME" appears to be written in red ink, at least on the archive.org copy. its the same font, though, so it may be michael tracing fadeds writing, possibly to ask if cc remembers either of them.

3 of the "MY NAME"s are written near bloodstains. the middle three, in fact, which is a very interesting choice.

mike draws 3 hearts on the page where youre asked to write the names of 5 people you want to see at the end of the day, as well as anyone you recommend for the job. no names are written.

"do you have dreams" with mike responding by drawing a nightmare animatronic is really interesting; it mirrors the shift in who the greater community believes is the protagonist in fnaf 4. i think its also the catalyst, but still.

"do you miss them" is asked on a page about people being stuffed into suits. a page where foxy is shown tearing up while writing, but nothing else is actually written on the page. possibly meaning its a question to michael.

actually. why are they using MICHAELS book to communicate. surely theyre talking to michael as well, it cant be the only paper with text they could possibly use. michael already responded to one question (do you have nightmares) and is implied to be the recipient of another (see above) so. how many of the questions that we think are for cc are actually for michael?

in related news, theres questions that get Ignored! like "was your favorite ride the carousel" (p56) and "is this song familiar to you" (83)

h. hold on. theres a question on page EIGHTY THREE no one brings up???? the page is labeled "draw the animatronics moving to the beat" and has bonnie playing guitar. its partner page, 82, shows baby singing. theres gotta be something significant here, im just not sure what.

[swordsovereign]

"Seofon, about…Ceodric", bits and pieces had made its way to them, word of mouth and jumbled rumors. They weren't asking for the full conversation, nor for him to divulge what went wrong, there was simply something that resembled another's warning, a memory residing at the back of their mind ('You’ve gained too much influence.'). "Have you thought about it?" there's no hesitation, nor is there anything hinting that they were looking to question him, instead, behind their determined gaze they find themself wavering. They held no regrets for the choices they had made that led them to this point, but going forward…what was the future for them? For him? (ps i cant rmbr just What gran knows about it & i cant dedicate myself to check rn so. teehee. assume i wrote whatever canon actually said heart emoji

Ceodric was the type of person Seofon hated most. Someone who had allowed power to get to his head- something Seofon knew that he was just as prone to (because the proof was there, wasn't it? In the voice that spoke to him far too often- He would not become that person. For the sake of the skies, for their sake) and something he hoped that Gran would never have to truly worry about.

For all their power, they certainly didn't act like it was theirs- more that they shared it with those who they surrounded themselves with. A true leader if he'd ever seen one.

Gran hadn't been there to witness Ceodric's fall, and that was for the best. They were busy dealing with whatever backlash they'd suffered from that ultimate power (something that Seofon hadn't ever reached, and if he was honest with himself, he was okay never knowing what it was like. Maybe that's what made his other self become so ... eugh.)

❝ Ceodric? He's gone, now. ❞

It's solemn, there's a tension that hangs in the air. Seofon doesn't exactly know how to describe exactly what happened to Gran. Maybe it was for the best that Gran didn't know everything.

❝ We don't have to worry about him. You know, I did try my best, though. You win some, you lose some. ❞ There it is, that lighthearted nature, the front he put up to make sure Gran was at ease, because Gran didn't need more things to worry about. Plus, things were starting to settle, weren't they? Things had always worked out in the past, so why wouldn't this be the same?

Sure. Okay. Seofon could at the very least try to think like that, but it had been an entire year since Gran had been sick, since Orlogia and the Six Dragons had come along. Since the other Seofon had made his home somewhere in the back of his mind.

Things work out. Yeah.

❝ Hey, if you're looking to the future, just make sure the one you're looking at is one full of hope. Don't lose sight of your goals, and it will be easy sailing. And if it isn't, I'll be here whenever you need me. ❞

[walnutcookie]

What’s your take on an AU that expands on why Roguefort has their Pursuit of Lost Time costume?

inhales deeply

(this is very poorly explained im sorry)

okay so . I have made a whole story for pursuit of lost time/search for lost time because i am Neurodivergent and Yeah it probably is the farthest thing from canon but so is the rest of my fanon/hc au

for some brief context, when roquefort (aka roguefort outside of their thief persona) was 15 their family mansion (the blue cheese manor) was burned down due to *unknown circumstances. their oldest brother earl grey managed to grab hold of them and their younger brother eclair and tug them out of the burning house, and as they stared at their whole life burn down in front of them, roquefort notices a strange white feather drifting through the wind ,, they still remember that odd detail into adulthood

*originally my oc feather sequin burned it down cause it was funny but ive decided against that

Flash forward to when they are 35 !! aka 1 year before "present time" in my fanon

AUGH it would take too long to explain everything tbat happened before this point but . Long story short roque feels trapped because they have no real friends and their onlu source of human(cookie?) interaction that isnt their cousin cheesecake can only happen when they are phantom bleu . they feel so trapped because they cant be themself and their fans Scare them they are freaked out by the constant admiration and idolization !! also their self image has gone to shit . not that they ever had much confidence but theyve convinced themself they are unlovable unless they put on an act.

then its announced on television. their old family watch was found and auctioned off to an anonymous someone.

(their costume story says "A weathered heirloom of the Blue Cheese manor was auctioned away. Apparently, winding this unadorned watch transported the wearer back in time... Phantom Bleu is desperately in pursuit, going so far as to procure all timepieces in the city. What is your endgame, Roguefort Cookie?")

They snap . suddenly everything they can think about is that watch. that watch could save them, bring them back to a time where they were loved and maybe they could fix all of their past mistakes...

they dont remember how bad their family was to them. they lived in A Very abusive and neglectful household and they were not loved at all their older brother practically raised them but theyre just desperate to be free. the problem is that they Dont know what the watch looks like because it was so long ago so their solution is to just ! steal every watch in parfaedia Thumbs up

(walnuts story: The city is bustling with word of a serial thief who only swipes clocks, watches, and timepieces! With a new magnifying glass in hand, Walnut Cookie is in hot pursuit of Phantom Bleu, who has left a message: "I am pursuing lost time.")

walnut is close behind the whole time, always just barely out of reach though,, if she had been able to catch them she could have prevented A lot of suffering . at this time its not that drastic , clocks are a strange thing to steal and she doesnt know about their origins so she cant really piece together why theyre stealing all of these watches.

then comes timekeeper !

its awfully slow to get around, isnt it ? thats why she steps in and offers to help roguefort (in a Totally non-malicious totally helpful way !!!!). they havent had any luck stealing every single clock in parfaedia, so she proposes a new idea,, timelines/time travel

Infinite timelines means infinite watches!! theyll have all the opportunities in the WORLD to find their watch. or alternatively they could go back in time and just get the watch before its auctioned off , Right ??? yeaah timekeeper doesnt make it that easy she thinks its fun to watch them suffer so shes going to make it as hard as possible <33

she lends them an airship from the tbd which allows them to travel through time and basically just . Sits back and watches as they hoard hundreds of watches from different universes

walnut comes across this person named croissant (im.not sure how) and they realize Hey wait a mimiye . You're chasing after the person accompanying the one IM chasing after (croi wants to stop tk from fucking with the timelines im not that educayed abt tje tbd sorry) and thwy team up Wooo !! they are riding crois timecraft together and following tk and rogue but again theyre always Just barely behind them </3

timekeeper then ditches the airship and just Carries them through timespace to different universes and shows them The Horrors (trippy shit and everyon they love being subjected to death and torrutture Themself being subjected to that etc) and fucks with them by throwing rhem into random time rifts without caring if theyll hit the floor too hard . Yea ‼️‼️walnut Also sees some of this as theyre following the pther two but croi tries to shield her eyes

and then . Finally timekeeper is like "What if we just go back to when your family manor still existed and get the watch there ? :)" and then after watching through the windows for a bit they realize . they will not be loved here

they just did all of that for nothing. theyre fucking exhausted and running on nothing but adrenaline and they get nothing for it. and now theyre just pissed that their family was ever like that because they could have had a better life

Andthen timekeeper hands them . gasoline and a match. and theyre blinded by rage at this point they dont really think about what theyre doing. and looking at the flames growing doesnt feel any better. they just feel so hurt but they just sit a distance away watching it

and then they hear screaming. They see their brother dragging them and eclair out of the house.

and they see a white feather from their costume fly off of their outfit, flying in front of their past selfs face .

and now they realize what theyve just done. They werent thinking about what would happen after they lit it on fire. they thought of it as a simulation or something but they have just caused the event that first destroyed their life in the first place. theyve just caused suffering to themself, their brothers, their cousin, theyve killed a dozen different people including the ones who had never hurt them like their sister palmier . They just killed their fucking family Time loop babyyy

croi and walnut dont find them until this point, and theyre a little ,,, confused by the scene ?

walnut has Never heard of the blue cheese manor before. but she can see roguefort on their knees sobbing hysterically (which is WILDLY out of character for them SHE HAS NEVER EVEN SEEN THEM FROWN BEFORE !!!!) and she knows that this has something to do with their past.

unfortunately evej though this was a big hint to their true identity She did not have the resources to figure out much about it and it turned into a dead end </3 she was able to find the name of the house and the location and a name or two but she couldnt find the names of the kids . there was no listed cause for the fire (she would never guess that it was roguefort themself) so she couldnt really get anywhere with it . It was very surreal seeing phantom bleu like that though because,, at the time she was 11 and She didnt really. see rogue as a normal cookie?? like it was hard to believe someone so mysterious and flawless on the outside would have been through such a traumatic incident. she was SO hyperfixated on this she was so sure she would finally figurw out who tjey were

little does she know her history teacher could give her all the information she needs LOL

on rogueforts side they are just . Holy fuck girl they feel so insanely guilty they cant get themself to tell cheesecake . they cant admit to her that they were the one who ruined everyones life. they get home and they try to sleep and they just hear their clock ticking in their room and before they know it their hand is cut and bloody and theres glass shards on the floor (thye pumched the clock they have Clock trauma thye cannot stand that ticking noise it fills them with so much dread cheesecake cannot have clocks in that house anymore that arent digital)

also for the people who know who bleu is . Rogue shoved it in a box before they went on their watch stealing spree because it kept trying to stop them and so it wasnt there to stop them or help them during the whole thing.

Rogue has so many nightmares aftwr the whole thing Mostly of the screams they heard as they watched the flames eat up their childhood home and everyone inside

again this is Very far from canon i understand that like . if you look at a lot of the quotes it doesnt rlly make sense in this context but oh well i like my version i tjink rogue ahould be a murderer As a treat (i promise i dont suppoet murder)

[mihai-florescu]

anon with the selfshipping okay that makes more sense,,, i still want that person to maybe get a support system or help bc it doesnt seem healthy at all in the long run but also I Am Just Some Fucking Guy and not an expert on mental health

from what i can tell they do not kin anyone?? they also say that any ships with the dude are upsetting to them and also that they specifically avoid certain ships; and to not follow them if they kin/produce him and i'll be honest i have no idea what any of that means i can vaguely asume but ultimately i am not involved, i am not gonna judge them if it doesnt hurt them or anyone else but also, honestly and sincerly, What The Fuck

I mean, although im not involved myself with the scene and ive just watched from afar, i think selfshipping can be fun if it's a recreational thing, but from what you told me this is a bit extreme and, yeah, sounds unhealthy in the long run (not being able to accept rejection so youre attaching yourself to a character who cant reject you). My recommendation for this person, or anyone who's in this situation, would be to be online Less. If theyre genuinely upset at seeing content of a character in settings different from their delusion then it's definitely not healthy, but being triggered is avoidable by just. Not being in the fandom at all and keeping it a private thing for themself.

I've been online for long enough to know that i dont really want to get involved with any of this and that, for me personally, this isnt a coping mechanism but would be actively making my mental state worse. It would be easier to talk on this subject in dms if i knew exactly who you are and your experiences online though if you ever wanna come off anon. Overall, live and let live, the block button's your best friend, but it's very easy to lose track of reality when you surround yourself only with people who support your delusions online. This is something everyone's gotta be mindful of, myself included.

[kopivie]

*cracks knuckles* this is what my art skillz are used for (SORRY THEN DONT LOOK GOOD I AMDE EM IN LIKE 15 MINS AND I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO DRAW THEIR HAIR I STILL NEED PRACTICDE KSNEGSEGGE)

omg rigel sounds so so sweet but YEAH he might not be the best king,, IM GLAD SAIPHA AND HIM STILL ARE CLOSE THOOO i wish they could just both be the ruler but life isn't that easy

AND MANA??? SO THERE IS KINDA LIKE MAGIC IN HERE what are lapis and lazuli's mana like? im assuming they have their own magic and stuff AND HELP[ I LOVE THIS PART "if people knew what they were doing, they'd be ousted and jailed" PLEASEEEEEE

"the bigger kingdoms like the avrigian empire and the xedian dynast" THE WORLDBUILDING?? WHAT ARE THE OTHER DYNATIES AND EMPIRES LIKE??

dragons love it there because of how untouched it is by mankind." does that mean we get to see dragons. I FUCKING LOVE DRAGONS. PLEASE LET ME SEE DRAGONS--

"fun fact: lapis was born in bahmania, but was taken out of there by their human father against their mother's wishes." oh no. WHAT??? U CANT JUST SAY THAT AND DIP??

IM LOSING MY MIND[@@*@@;&=×&÷:&@$ YOU'RE FUCKING AMAZING, I'M LITERALLY ON THE BRINK OF TEARS RN THANK YOU

oh boy ... okay Okay Look this world is huge, lemme try to like. Not Fly Off the Handle

so for mana manifestations, there's three stages:

the first stage is basic life. mana is life energy — the first stage is just being alive. everyone possesses just enough mana to keep them alive. everyone also possesses an aura that shields them from minor injuries. it takes quite a bit of jostling to hurt someone — scraped knees are a thing of fiction, really. but bloody noses and broken bones are real, it just takes a little more force to cause that kind of thing, so the strength gap between real life and this world is a little big.

the second stage of mana manifestation enhances bodily capabilities. enhanced intuition, telepathy, psychokinesis, that sort of thing. saipha... well, to quote my notes directly:

“Instead, her specialty allowed her to smell a person’s true nature... and greatly empathize with people... Her ability to judge a person’s character is second to none. She cannot tell when a person is telling the truth or not, but if she cannot stand the smell of a person, then they are deemed suspicious per her order.”

she can also see the color of a person's aura, and it's not exactly something she can turn off, so she constantly wears a veil to shield her eyes.

the third stage of mana manifestation is elemental manipulation. you can control any one element at will!

lapis is a third stage manifestor by default because of their lineage — they have the blood of an elemental within them, so they can control water at will. lazuli on the other hand was a second stage manifestor, but thanks to the spirits' interference, they can now control water as well! (they only ever use it when cooking, though. they try to avoid dirtying their hands via combat.)

mmh i'll leave the other dynasties and kingdoms for another time, but! the thing about lapis being taken from bahmania!

in this world, hybrid children are... commodities. one of the rarest and most precious goods that money can buy. lapis' father took them out of that country with plans to make money off of them somehow, but last minute, his conscience stopped him. of course, that didn't stop him from physically abusing them until his sudden death, but that's what happened. he didn't even name them. lapis raised themself for two years before they encountered lazuli.

[sanfielle]

5, 8, 17 for a character of your choice; 38 for at least 5 prolegomenon characters, and 44 for tryxie

a grab bag.... hmm.... world is my oyster...!! i tihnk for the first 3 ill random gen soemone. smile. ok i got sa!ytk so ill do this i guess forrrrr dusty? the protag. the killer.

5. On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

pretty mcuh a handful of useful stuff. defintiely has a swiss army knife, a pack of gum, a spare band-aid... his wallet with like 3 diff identities on drivers licenses or smth. he ususally likes to be prepared for stuff ykwim.

8. Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

LOL he is a former hitman...!! i havent really thoufht about his past hits though. i think maybe his first was jsut some random person in debt to whoever hired him... thats probsbly usually what these things are about after all.

17. What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

in my head dusty used to have thsi old firetruck that he loved so much adn carried around everywhere. and it barely works because its so aged and the plastics all brittle adn the paints faded but it was so important to him. his son has it now

ok gd. prolegomenon time. lets see...

38. Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

REMOVE THE PROBLEM:

yua. in her head tehre are no problems or threats that cant be overcome so she will throw herself with gusto at things, though strategically... she wont just do this blindly. she knwos everything has a soft spot though.

cherry. mew cannot conceptualize the fact taht there are threats and problems mew cannot solve by mewself, or at all even with friends' help. mew is unkillable. mew is unstoppable. mew is cherry freakin' thaxton. etc.

sofie. everythinf in the world can be solved by being annoying enough and a little luck. aslo now that bud can explode stuff bud is like Well ill just fucking blow it up? and buds right. most stuff can be solved by blwoing it up. bud IS the threat in this scenario...

dina. dina is similar to yua inthe way that itll back off to approach things strategically adn see what other avenues can be taken, though it also isnt scared to get a little dirty in there. it will take advatnage of every tool at its disposal to do wahtever has to be done.

diego. unmovable object, once it's mind is latched onto soemthing it will not let go until the roadblock is removed or it is bascislly dead. its a very stubborn person who works at something until stuff goes its way.

rhett. hes like diego but worse in every way. there is only one problem/threat on earth wehre he conceded and removed hismelf and his brother from it but ithink if he were ever faced with that same issue today he would beat it to death with a rock.

aldrich. everything in the world is a puzzle to them and they have the key in their head, ifthey can just think it through. sure it will take a few tries adn some failrue but at the end of the day theywill unlock the key factor to make it work. or theyll die. either or

REMOVE THEMSELF:

roy. he is a pretty straightforward kind of guy who can recognize when hes in over his head. also wehn faced with an issue he cant handle he usually just has a little upset about it.

jesse. theyre like water in the way taht theyll always take the path of least resistance, mostly becasue they dont like to be challenged in a lot of ways (isnt life challenging enough!?)...

amada. she gets overwhelmed easy and isnt very confident in herself and her ability to tackle stuff. if she has friends by her side MAYBE its a different story but mostly... she will just back down when stuff gets too hard.

isa. it kind of depends on the issue becasue if its something they feel can be handled wiht minimal issue/harm, theyll do it, but generally most thinfs cannot be handled this way lol. if stuff looks a little too big for them to chew theyll back off as far as they ccan.

julio. he doesnt like to cause any sort of fuss over stuff, so if he cant handle something (esp by himself), hell just walk away and try something esle. theres always anotehr safer/easier avenue to take!

reed: i mean theyll TRY. theyll chew on it and think it through but generally theyd prefer to go around stuff if possible. tehy dont really like to pushthemself to overcome anything or whatever, they think thats an easy road to hurting yourself....

OK. that waseverything i cared to say. whatever. tryxie.

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

i think... tryxie is a very deeply self obsessed persson. it doesnt say 'love you!' very easiky this is thekind of thing resevred for wehn it thinks it will never see this person again or soemthign onthat level of importance. even for family and stuff. its said that only once before when not meaning itt and it ledto so much drama taht it has vowed never to say that without meaning it ever again. normal guy x

oc questions!

[nrc-ramshackle-prefect]

Hi there<3! Reblogging this with all the answers so people can find them directly!<3 -Mod xeno

❣️ - What are their love languages?

Physical affection, Gifting, and quality time.

🌙 - What’s their sleep schedule like?

Nonexistent.

🎁 - How do they feel about their birthday/birthdays in general?

I.. Dont mind it. Though, its on Halloween, so people tend to forget.

🧑‍🦰 - Have they ever dyed their hair? Ever cut it themself?

Never dyed it, Though I did cut it when Riddle burnt the ends. Short hair feels.. good.

🍷- How do they feel about alcohol?

Im the legal drinking age back home. I dont mind a drink now and then. It takes my mind off things.

🗣️ - How do they handle public speaking?

I dont like it, but I can handle it.

🎮 - What’s their favorite game?

I typically dont have time for games, but I like older styled games. Horror games that feel retro like Shipwrecked 64 are my go-to.

💓 - What are some signs they’ve fallen for someone? How do they show their affection?

I typically start trying to spend more time with them and often give them baked goods or other trinkets. Sometimes I get more affectionate.

🤡 - What’s something dumb they’re embarrassed about?

When I was eight I called my Father ‘sir’ like one of his goons. Mono laughed at me for hours.

🌱 - Do they have a green thumb or are they a plant killer?

Plant momma all the way. You cant take three steps in Ramshackle without seeing a plant.

📱 - What social media do they use the most?

Tumblr. Cater tries to drag me on magicam but I dont fuck with that. People would judge my scars or call me too thin.

👪 - What’s their relationship with their parents like?

I love my Father dearly.

🐒 - What’s their favorite animal?

Foxes, cats, and Hyenas. And also whatever Grim is.

🧳 - What countries have they been to?

Germany, England, The US, France, And Russia.

🤔 - What’s something they’ll never understand?

Alchemy. The alchemy here is easy to understand, but back home? It’s like a chemistry NIGHTMARE.

🎨 - What’s their favorite color?

Despite all the green around here; My favorite colors are purple, gold, and blue.

☂️ - How do they feel about rain?

I love it. Its very relaxing.

🎶 - What’s a song they really like?

The Ballad Of Jane Doe from RTC.

🖌️ - Do they have any hobbies?

Several.

💤 - What do they absolutely need to have to fall asleep?

Rain noises, something to cuddle, absolute darkness, and a breeze.

🎢 - Do they like amusement parks? What’s their favorite ride?

Put me on the biggest rollercoaster there and im having a good time. Though I love waterparks too.

🗺️ - What languages do they speak?

German, English, Whatever they speak here, Russian, French for some reason, and Japanese.

🍳 - How well can they cook?

Very well; Ask anyone around.

🍪 - How well can they bake?

Whenever I bake for an event; the goods are gone in 5 minutes.

💘 - What do they find attractive about their partner(s)?

Everything. From their smile, to their personality, to the way their eyes sparkle when they look at me. The subtle way they try to keep me by their side when they missed me.. Everything.

👗 - How comfortable would they be wearing a skirt or dress?

I dont mind them, but I definitely prefer pants.

💝 - What gestures do they really appreciate? How do you get on their good side?

Just be nice to me and treat me like I matter. Affection is.. definitely gonna help your case. Just dont be overly loud or manipulative.

☕ - Coffee or tea?

Iced coffee (caramel mocha) and iced peppermint tea (with added extract).

💀 - How do they feel about horror movies?

I love them. Grim doesnt.

🧸 - Do they have any stuffed animals? If so, are they decorative or do they sleep with them?

..Several. I make plushies of people I consider my friends so that even when they arent around I can be with them. ..rocky has been the most recent addition.

💖 - How and how often do they try to impress their partner(s)? How and how often do their partner(s) impress them?

My partners could be impressed by me just by smiling. It isn’t something I do often. My partners could impress me by saying they love me every day. It.. isn’t something im used to hearing.

🍽️ - What’s their favorite food?

Sesame sticks, kale and mango salad, and lo mein. So good.

🧑‍🍼 - How do they feel about kids?

..I like kids. I’m good with them. But if my partner doesnt want any, then we dont have to. Im fine with and im fine without.

🐾 - Do they have any pets?

Yes. I took in a stray kitten a few weeks ago. His name is Nicky (named after the ghost boy who pesters me every day i love you nicky/p)

💬 - What are some filler/buffer words they use? (Like, um, etc.)

I typically just sigh or groan.

🏳️‍🌈 - What do they identify as? What are their pronouns?

She/Her, Bisexual.

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 - Do they have any siblings?

Mono is my only blood sibling. Xeno was adopted when he was only five days old, and recently Father adopted Fellow and Gidel.. So yes. I have four.

🥰 - What pet names do their partner(s) use for them? How flustered do they get by them?

Im rather flustered easily, and im not afraid to admit it. Anything they call me can get me blushy. ‘Baby’, ‘Babe’, ‘Sunshine’, ‘Snowflake’, and ‘Honey’ tend to make me the giddiest.

🌳 - What’s their extended family like?

I only know my aunt and my uncle. My mother’s brother was decently present in my life. My father’s sister was ALWAYS somewhere. Only ever saw her at reunions.

And adding one just for me;

🥗 - What’s their diet like?

I’m vegetarian. It wasnt my choice, I’m allergic to meats and fish will kill me. The only meat I can ‘safely’ eat is chicken, and even then I still get nauseous, so I stay away from it. Sometimes the cravings are too strong and i’ll have some sesame chicken or general tso chicken in VERY LITTLE amounts.

Misc. Ask Meme

❣️ - What are their love languages? 🌙 - What’s their sleep schedule like? 🎁 - How do they feel about their birthday/birthdays in general? 🧑‍🦰 - Have they ever dyed their hair? Ever cut it themself? 🍷- How do they feel about alcohol? 🗣️ - How do they handle public speaking? 🎮 - What’s their favorite game? 💓 - What are some signs they’ve fallen for someone? How do they show their affection? 🤡 - What’s something dumb they’re embarrassed about? 🌱 - Do they have a green thumb or are they a plant killer? 📱 - What social media do they use the most? 👪 - What’s their relationship with their parents like? 🐒 - What’s their favorite animal? 🧳 - What countries have they been to? 🤔 - What’s something they’ll never understand? 🎨 - What’s their favorite color? ☂️ - How do they feel about rain? 🎶 - What’s a song they really like? 🖌️ - Do they have any hobbies? 💤 - What do they absolutely need to have to fall asleep? 🎢 - Do they like amusement parks? What’s their favorite ride? 🗺️ - What languages do they speak? 🍳 - How well can they cook? 🍪 - How well can they bake? 💘 - What do they find attractive about their partner(s)? 👗 - How comfortable would they be wearing a skirt or dress? 💝 - What gestures do they really appreciate? How do you get on their good side? ☕ - Coffee or tea? 💀 - How do they feel about horror movies? 🧸 - Do they have any stuffed animals? If so, are they decorative or do they sleep with them? 💖 - How and how often do they try to impress their partner(s)? How and how often do their partner(s) impress them? 🍽️ - What’s their favorite food? 🧑‍🍼 - How do they feel about kids? 🐾 - Do they have any pets? 💬 - What are some filler/buffer words they use? (Like, um, etc.) 🏳️‍🌈 - What do they identify as? What are their pronouns? 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 - Do they have any siblings? 🥰 - What pet names do their partner(s) use for them? How flustered do they get by them? 🌳 - What’s their extended family like? 🎲 - Pick a random question to answer from this list.

[industrialbirddog]

Story idea!

Ok, hello! so, i have a story idea and i have zero clue if i should ever make it a reality. Im jus gonna share it here cause i can, and if youd like to see this made into an actual project there'll be a poll thing you can click on.

The basic thing is its abt trauma, the effects, responses, coping mechs [bad and good], how its different for each person even if they go through the same thing, and that basically no matter if someone has it worse ur response/trauma is still valid. and itll also focus on mental illness, making sure not to romantisice or stereotype it, since ppl seem to think you can only act/look a certain way if you have a specific mental illness. i think you get it, yeah?

so instead of characters, i was thinking i could do a dnd type session thing with a group of people, because i havent been through everything and cant acturatlly describe anybody elses responses theyd always be effected by how i cope/act, so id put a group together and it'd basically be group therapy but cooler. I've always hated group therapy tbh, but this sounds like something i wouldnt actually dred. for the people/players of the session they would have their own character designs, made by them thats basically a physical manifestions of their traumas and the effect it had on them. we'd say we're put in a specific situation, seeing how youd react to it, and basically just cool ways of helping w/ trauma and shit for the players. when the sessions are done, each person/player would write or animate how the session went, from their perspective. how they thought others felt, how they themself felt, what happened, yada yada you get it. basically, journalling how the session went. what helped in certain situations what didnt, and i think it'd be cool to have each player not share said journaling with other people in the project just so its to see how everyone reacted do to truama responses and all that, ofc if theres any "i thought this person was really upset with me/angry at me" or "this thing someone else did hurt me" it'll be resolved next session or behind the scenes if people want that instead. and ofc to keep it from being stressful/anxiety giving/uncomfortable we'll have light hearted sessions too, that also storywise reminds you life goes on no matter what, even if you yourself arent focused on the present. now ofc, theres quite a few ways this idea can go toxic for the group so i'll always have to put precausions in place like if a sessions getting too heated ill have to put it on pause and basically be THE therapist friend and all that but thats easy.

if i ever do make this a reality im ofc gonna have to think of ways to not retruamatize people, how each situation thing would work, and the overall story-line would have to be made but i think yall get it. this is just the very base of the basic idea, i daydream abt it all the time. I feel like for me personally, id have a better experience with something like this rather then normal group therapy.

Sadly, i cant do more then keeping this poll going for a week, i dont have the people to focus on my rambles to know if this would actually be a good idea but i say fuck it we ball, ill send it to the disc server lol

[chirpsloth]

its been like 17 minutes since i told myself id do homework i need to do it but i just spent all that time reading through all my tumblr post...

god i hate myself

not bc of the homework thing ill get it done but because of just reading the posts

not really i dont think

i just hate myself

but not actually

just a little

maybe i feel bad for myself...

no self pity is lame

god do i hate myself?

when i read the posts i know edxactly what ii was refering to at the time... but i dont think i make my psots easy to decipher all the time

like when i saw the posts that said "im so nervous" and "nervous nancy" followed by the psot a few hours later saying wtf why do i actully have rizz" and then "wtf is wrong with me" im like: oh my god!! i know why i was posting that at the time!! like wowowowow thats how i was feeling thats wild!

i really do feel for myself.. why am i this way???? everyone probably pities themself sometimes.

idk i didnt deserve that... and i shouldnt do that.. wouldnt trade it for anything though. i wont stop though

im not evil im just human

im just learning

im scared for when i reach the age where i cant say that anymore...

is everything gonna be okay?

everything IS okay. i get GREAT grades, i have a good home life, i have 2 close friends, i get to walk and listen to music all the time...

i think that part of it is jealousy but theres always a wishing to get worse you know?

i don't think i'll ever be fejwlfjew but i think thats okay... im happy. i think. edcept for when i think about things too much

i pity myself

i guess i pray to the future me. you know? i wonder if i typed all my old posts knowing that the future me would read them and be like a therapist from another time...telling msyelf not to worry. i think i just did it because i need to say things and i dont have anyone that i call spew all my dumb stuff to without annoying them or making them think im mentally ill which i am not.

plus i need a place to be self centered. i guess this is that... some place hwere i only talk about me. im okay with no one listening irl because i dont want to portray myself as insane. there are some things that can only be written too. i wouldnt want to talk to my therapist about a lot of things because i dont want him thinking im insane. i know thats a therapists job but im saying like theres stuff that i really shouldnt say.. scared maybe. i wanna educate myself on law or soemhitng so i know what my therapist can tell my mother or can get me admitted for.

do i even want help? i seriously dont think so. the better i get the worse i want to get. right now im in a good middle ground. im happy, i dont cause conflict in the house too much, im not exhausting myself, i get things done, life is pretty okay. sometimes i will participate in some efwljfkwel activities though. maybe thats just my way to cope. its not harming anyone,, and i really dont believe its harming the present me too much.

maybe itll harm the future me like how my past decisions currently hurt me. not out of regret but out of pity. it just hurts that i did that... you know?

i really should do my homework but i have time (Not really)

im thinking of doing the bare minimum rn and waking up extra early to finish everytihng up. probably what i wanna do.

i know its only been a week of school since the weekend (weird way to phrase it??) but i need a break. im fine with school its not tiring or anything but god i need a break from life. not like life life but i mean hanging out with people, having things i need to do, etc. i need a week where im all alone. i love my friends but god i need alone time. i always feel so guilty when i dont hang out with them though because i dont wanna be lonely or lose friendships so i find myself hanging out with my friends mainly to "maintain friendships". i love them so much but please i need time.

this post is making me sound so mentally unwell but im doing so fine i promise (who am i promising?)

god

why is my heart rate so fast

lemme count it rq

okay its actually pretty normal its 80-ish bpm but it feels fast

i feel so shaky

i wonder if its the sugar i had earlier... i know some foods or larger amounts of fodos always make my heart feel fast and make me shaky but i havent really discovered what foods those are.

im always so nervous posting on here because what if i say something that makes this all tracable to me. i dont wanna lose opportunities beause of some dumb tumblr posts.

i know i should use like my journal or something but its comforting knowing that this can be viewed by someone for some reason. i mean id be mortified if someone told me they read all my posts but idk. maybe also its nice because i can always lose a physical notebook or lose the passord to my google docs but tumblr is public and i can always look at this tomfoolery from another account. plus this feels less formal. in my actual physical journal im very messy and i get sucked in when i write but its so messy its unreadable, it cramps my hand, and sometimes feels inconvenient. on my actual online journal i established it as something more formal... for life and mental updates for myself. im scared

i dont know why but im so scared

im so so so scared

god why did i just feel like i was about to cry

i want to curl up and cry so loudly in my moms lap while she tells me its okay but i cant i cant i cant. if i did she would think im mentally unwell which im not and id be such an inconvience to her.

last time i cried in her arms she told me that i gotta "say everything" to my therapist and that he can help me. help me with what?? she said that i deserve someone good that can help me? i told her that im normal.. she told me that she didnt want a normal daughter she wanted a happy daughter. i am happy. i just repeated that im normal because i know she sees me as different in some way. i see her as different in soem way too. i think i'd see my sister different than everyone else if i didn't judge her so much. i feel so insensitive but i always invalidate my sisters issues/struggles because i feel like i had it worse and that she has it so well. i konw its so bad and i need to remind myself that... she is a human being, she will struggle, and i should be happy that what i was so used to makes her suffer... im glad she's not used to badness like i was. that makes me sound so emo but you know. i just invalidate her so much.

anways. i think that seeing someone so closely..knowing them almost better than you know yourself will make you see them as less normal. or something. i dont know. i know my mom sees me as different. i doubt she sees my sister as so different than society. maybe its because im socially a little odd. she thinks i try to push people away/unsettle them. i dont. im just awkward around a lot of people. i like telling myself that im not everyones cup of tea. maybe thats just a way to excuse my social stupidity. my best freind always asks me how can i find myself socially stupid if im friends with like everyone. maybe shes right, but i dont think os. im not friends with anyone. weve just been conditioned to be nice to everyone and people are nice to me. yes people trust me, yes i have inside jokes/ get alogn with a lot of people... but do you seriously think i hang out with them outside of school? we use the word freind too loosely. if i never text someone, we only talk in school, and never hang out outside of school... no matter how much we know about each other, no matter if we've seen each other cry, no matter how long we've been "friends," we are NOT friends and thats okay. i try to be agreeable. people think im funny at least.

i need my mom to hug me and let me cry into her arms but i dont want her judging me or worrying about me i just need my mom. god im about to cry. why do i make myself feel this way? this was just supposed to be a post about not doing my homework.. now im writing like a multiparagraph essay. i need to say things. i guess i need to organize my thoughts. speak to the void.

you know i think i write in this because i know that future me will read it... emaning that future me will be alive. meanign that i'll be alive in the future. meaning that everything will be okay. if future me is alive, it means she overcame things, and shes now smarter, and as she's reading these paragraphs, she remembers how she used to feel, and pities her old self once again. and then maybe writes more to the future future me. and the cycle continues. until im dead i guess. maybe someone else.. a child? will work as a future future future x1000 me.. i doubt it. i dont think someone will ever care about me as a person so much as to read everyting ive thought. im currently pretty much just writing my thougts. nothing is organized. im just rambling. i would film a video but i dont have space in my camera roll, and even if i did, i would never want a video of myself saying stuff. some things are better kept written. anwyays. hello future me. and the future me after that. etc. i wonder if im laughing at this in the future. probably... in some time in the future. i bet ill laugh while also pitying my current self. self pity is so lame.

speaking of children. honestly.

door is opening. my moms home. ive been writing for like an hour. homework for tomorrow i guess. ill maintain a convorsation with her while i write. actually maybe ill close my laptop and return to this later. i mean i could use the excuse that this is homework...

[aspiring-house-husband]

good evening, sweet night sky anon, pretty puppy, its time for your reward 💕

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words earned: 700 | word count: 730

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you beautiful sweet thing... you’ve been so strong for so long, i’m so proud of you. you’ve been navigating this world and doing your best, and that’s all any of us can hope for, right? that’s all i could possibly ask you for. 

but you’ve spent enough time being strong. i think you’re ready to put all that strength aside. you don’t need it anymore, not when you’re with me. 

so come in, sweetheart, sit down. rest your legs, stretch out your back. i’ll get you something to drink- you’re done doing things for yourself, for a while. i’ve got you; i’ll take care of you. you can relax. you can close your eyes and rest your head back, and you can listen to my words. 

you’re so strong, so brave. but you can leave all that strength and bravery by the door. all you need to be now is obedient. you can do that for me, can’t you? 

that’s right, puppy, of course you can. You’re always good for me, so good. 

shh, yes you are, no need to deny it. i’m always right, aren’t I? your master is always right, and pretty little puppies like you would do well to listen. good puppy, well done. 

now, I know how sore your shoulders can get, so im going to give you a little shoulder rub, okay? don’t worry, I remember, I won’t be too harsh. I know your limits. your master is always right. 

breathe deep with me, little love. I’ve got you; you’re safe with me. that’s all you need. now, why don’t you spread those pretty legs? that’s it, that’s my good obedient puppy. I’ve got you.

aww, my gorgeous little puppy, youre dripping, sopping wet. being talked down to like this is all it takes to get you nice and needy? how sweet. go on, pretty puppy, you can rub your cock a little bit. 

no, don’t hold back those pretty moans. well done, that’s it, perfect. Keep going for me, sweetheart, that’s so nice. I know, darling, i know- try not to twitch. you’re so perfect. 

I know, I know, poor thing, i know how it makes you squirm and whimper when i say that. but you are perfect, and you’d do well to remember that. 

ah-ah, don’t make that face at me. look at me, puppy- say it. say that you’re perfect. you’re a perfect, pretty little puppy. 

good. say it again. 

well done. see, now doesn’t that feel better? my pretty little puppy, accepting themself, knowing exactly how pretty they are. why don’t you reward yourself for obeying your master? why don’t you stick some fingers into that pretty wet puppycunt?

oh, isn’t that just the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen. alright, pup- don’t move, i’ve got you. You know that i’m well strong enough to pick you up and set you down all soft and comfy onto the bed. 

I just can’t resist that pretty wet hole- part of me wants to eat you out like a starving man, but my pretty puppy deserves to be filled the way they want. I promise i’ll go slow, fill you nice and easy. . . fuck, puppy, you’re so warm and tight and- ngh- fuck. 

now. let me hear every sound from those gorgeous lips, let me have every mark you feel the need to bestow upon my skin. don’t hold back, puppy, let yourself give in, let yourself drop. you’re safe, nothing matters but this. 

nothing matters but your master’s cock, thrusting slow at first before slowly speeding up, long strokes deep into your puppycunt, hitting every spot within you. nothing matters but your master’s hands on your hips, holding you like there’s nothing in the world more precious while gripping you so tight that you couldn’t imagine getting away. 

no, no, no squirming. no escaping. you’re at my mercy, puppy, and all this pleasure your dumb little puppy brain cant quite handle- i’ll make sure you do. you were made to suffer on my cock, and that’s what you’ll do. whine and cry all you want; i’ll kiss away your tears. 

and when you fall apart—which i feel by your trembling thighs that you’ll be doing soon—you’ll do that stuffed full of your master’s cock, sobbing and moaning like you’re born to do nothing else. you can do it, darling, there you go. now, don’t you feel better?