#cant they ever make things easy on themself

[yuhi-san]

this is gold. there are like so many layers to what is going on. they are all over the place. weolfwood is so funny. he did that on purpose to troll vash. but vash is so indecisive and back and forth that ww ends up wondering if vash is even actually into guys??

pre-trimax

[basilpaste]

i am very out of it atm and if i wasnt i could make a more coherent post about it. but do yall ever think about how all of the things siffrin 'misses' are a direct consequence of him being recently disabled?

their depth perception is off and the one eye they do have is probably significantly worse than it was because it has to overcompensate. so they miss the switch in the death corridor.

and he misses the key in the head housemaidens office. because its on the bottom of the drawer. and he wouldnt be able to see that at all, but if theres any indication that the drawer looks off, like a weird gap at the bottom, itd be really easy for them to miss it.

and the same goes for the key in the classroom. its in a thick book and chances are they cant really process the fact that the space between some of the pages is larger than normal.

and theres the counter. and how he trips in bonnies friendquest. and they blame themself for these things EVERY TIME. they call themself stupid and bad at their job and he LOST AN EYE. and its just like. its all internalized ableism, baybe! all the fucking way down!!!!!

he wants to operate how he did before losing his eye. He wants to be able to do all the same things the exact same way. and that just isnt feasible. which is okay! and people would understand if he just TALKED ABOUT IT. but they wont!!!!!

anyways ive been thinking about siffrin and the fact that they got so used to fighting on flat ground. and like what that means post-loops. ive been thinking about him knocking into something or missing a little detail and just fucking losing it because hes SO frustrated. so unbelievably mad at himself for not noticing something obvious, not seeing.

and im thinking about them being forced to learn that they run differently now. and theres no going back! no fixing it! and he just has to live with it!!!!! because the eye is gone and they cant just get a new one. and maybe they dont have to be okay with that, but he has to learn to accept that hes changed.

waugh.

[plusdanshii]

part 1 of random love interests headcanons because i need to get these worms out of my brain ASAP!!! i did sydney, kylar, and whitney

(mostly sfw for now, all gender neutral)

sydney

ive already well established that even if it isn’t obvious at surface level, sydney is a mixture of many deep rooted issues and though they arent aware of it they are suffering from those issues. one of those issues being overlooked and undiagnosed ocd.

for their sake, they need everything in front of them to always be organized and tidy (whether its the library registry counter or their desk at home or school). if its not neat, they wouldn’t be upset, they’d be more than happy to clean it up again! it also why theyre always helping out the initiates clean the bunks and the garden. they love cleaning up, love the sense of accomplishment it brings, love the feeling of being in control of something.

this is also the same reason why their so studious and even a little obsessive over their grades in school. they dont notice it, but its all about control over things they cant control. they love the sense of accomplishment of having good grades brings for themself, and they love the praise it brings from sirris and jordan.

speaking of praise ehehe theres no they wouldnt have a praise kink. im pretty sure sydney has the biggest praise kink in all of doltown and thats saying something ! the praise from their family and teachers is great and all, but what really gets them going is praise from pc. its so easy to give them a mind numbing orgasm just say the bare minimum praise and they’ll melt instantaneously.

this is canon im sure, but the reason why sydney doesn’t get molested or harassed in the temple is because their parent was a high ranking member and because theyre under jordans wing. so for the degenerate members that live/ work know that sydney is entirely off limits. sydney isn’t stupid so they have to aware of what goes on in the temple to some degree — they just do a very good job of ignoring it hence the line “seemingly trying to ignore something awful”. even corrupt syndey does this so i imagine that their faith must mean alot more to them that meets the eye.

sydney is unintentionally really fashionable, but not because they have an interest in fashion or even know whats considered fashionable, but because sirris has good taste. when they go out they get compliments from strangers about it and it makes them flustered.

cries when they have sex

kylar

harbors alot of resentment towards the temple and its members (exculding sydney and pc if theyre involved). they know that they had something to do with his parents, and knows that theyre being avoided by temple members. kylar hates them so much but doesnt care enough about themself to do anything drastic towards them.

kylar has completely given up on trying to improve their situation in any way. they gave up a long time ago. i like to think in the beginning, after the initial shock and dread mostly wore off, they did try to find something, any clue that would lead to a semi acceptable answer but they quickly gave up and abandoned all hope.

i said it in another post this is why they latch onto pc so intensely, they literally have nothing else going for them anymore.

even in their least jealous state, kylar has become so warped by being shunned by everyone and loneliness that they dont have the self awareness to realize what their doing is wrong. theyre so manic with finally being able to feel alive again and finally having someone else that they theres no room for any reluctance or hesitancy. their not letting pc leave them alone again, not ever.

despite their small stature kylar is very athletically capable. not in tests of strength but in stamina, they cant beat whitney in a fight but they could totally run faster than them.

probably canon again but kylar excels at science because not only is it their favorite subject but because their parents had really sciency careers and encouraged them alot as a child.

even though kylar is a pervert creep theyre still really capable sexually? what i mean by this is that even though kylar seems like the kind of person who got all of their sexual knowledge from porn and anime doujinshi’s they still know how to make their partner finish. thats because they didnt get it from porn, they learned it from medical science. dont ask me how i can just feel it

doesnt cry when they have sex, but wails when they cum

whitney

some fanon interpretations of whitney are either “whitney is a tsundere” and “whitney is just an asshole” and my interpretation is strictly both. whitney is both a massive tsundere, and a massive asshole.

chainsmoker, though its more apparent when theyre alone. if they decided to walk alone though the town they’d finish an entire pack and not notice/ care

almost never seen smiling when theyre alone either. they either always look aloof or pissed off when no ones around.

is totally capable of getting easily embarrassed, just when theyre alone. say something like , kissing their hand or saying something that caught them off guard. in private they would just call you a stupid slut while stuttering, with their friends they’d either laugh it off or beat the shit out of you

despite the fact that she was wearing a chastity belt and didnt touch whitney at all, my pc still managed to make them cum nearly every encounter they had with whitney. this lead me to headcanon whitney as a total quickshot. like embarrassingly fast. they’ve learned to mostly conceal it in public but even if they didnt no one would dare to bring it up in from of them

i havent got the scene yet so im not sure if this is canon or not, but i think at high love whitney would allow you to sleep with one of their plushies for the night, as long as you give it back to them in the morning

not that i ever thought they were stupid or anything, but whitney is really smart. they fail at academics on purpose because getting high grades means you have lower status

whitney doesn’t cry during sex or when they cum (unless theyre getting nonconned 🩷) but they would find it really hot if pc cries during sex. dacryphilia for this one. when its noncon its annoying, but still hot. when its consensual they probably get mored even turned on and try to make them cry harder

[radioroxx]

da bebes ;-; <3

THE BABIES <3 (link to og fankid post)

using this ask as an excuse to share some thoughts we had about the kids interactions with the others from the party! depending on some disc screenshots to help me lol

hehe!

OK FIRST. MIRABELLE

absolutely absolutely she is the type to spoil the kids. with candy and sweets and late bedtimes she just cannot say no to them ever she is far too fond. and yes she would read to them. she picks out book she especially likes, or ones that she enjoyed as a kid, and totally not as an excuse to talk about these characters she loves so much nooo-

(as long as the books are. age appropriate ofc. not too scary for the youngins,,)

on top of that she would be very easy to talk to! isa and sif do make sure to always be emotionally open with their kids, would never want them to feel like they cant talk about something, but even then. sometimes its nice to have someone else to depend on. just in case. and mira loves to chat with em :)

NEXT. ODILE

odile cares for these kids oooh so so so much. she would never admit it but, much like the rest of her family, she would do horrible horrible things to make them happy. even if she. isnt the best with kids. in general. shes trying her best and the kids definitely thinking her dry humour and sarcastic bluntness is funny as hell

also she is 100% the embarrassing stories one. the kids ask her for the same silly story about their parents again and again eeevery time she visits. they never get tired of it and neither does she. (sif and isa certainly do though fjnf)

BONNIE… we didnt talk much about bonnie,,

doing some very basic math bonnie would be arounnd their? early or mid twenties when the kids are. “born”. (wished into existence). which makes me honestly so depressed and sad to thinking about ohmy god theyre growing up i might die

i think they would bond very easily with the kids though! would enjoy getting to show and teach them things- things that make themself happy like cooking etc. i do think as well bon would be trying very hard, maybe a little too hard, to appear cool and chill around them. so that they respect them. (kinda how i hc sif to have been around bon early on pre-story,, bc nothing is more validating than the approval of an 11yo lol)

OK FINALLY… LOOP…..

i already talked a bit about loop in the original post but i guess i can juuust repeat myself a lil.

loops feeling are complicated. we joked about them being a funny babysitter, the kids probably think theyre so so fun to play with, buut it might take some time to get there. its been years since the end of the loops, working through jealously and learning to be satisfied with what they do have but! this is! different!! and its hard…

… but it gets better

(im out of screenshot space but we also had the idea of the kids putting on plays, maybe if sif ever shared his love of theatre with them, and tbey would absolutely rope loop into it. loop who is reluctant to participate until they realize how much fun theyre having with these two)

[frostyclove]

spoilers ep 5

im still working on the rest of the episode but heres my preliminary takes on the teen van/tai scene in the first third. basically no proofreading ; mostly just vibes ; real analysis will come later expanding on all of this.

Van I love you thank you for taking care of tai during this. Normally I must read fanfiction for this part <3

Tais trying so hard. Shes got it too. Shes a good shot, it’s easy at that range but her form is good and shes steady. But she just cant quite get herself to do it. Tai is entirely fine with the hypothetical or the in theory portion of everything theyre doing in the wilderness - but really struggles with the reality. it was at this moment I said ‘when her cortisol gets high enough other tai will take over just let her gets stressed about it and she’ll be fine’ so when van said it too?? Van you’ve just gone up in my estimations luv you pls keep taking care of tai <33 

‘Whatever its a stupid tree its not our coach’ anyways other tai is symbolic of the teams cognitive dissonance and if you ever see me theorizing about the camp not being how they are seeing it I only ever mean it in a ‘theyre so deep in cognitive dissonance they aren’t seeing things for what they really are and are making them a bit better’ and not a theyre hallucinating way. Very similar to how other tai just takes over and takes care of tai when tai cant handle things. (Which is also why friend tai is no longer in state senate - OTHER TAI WAS THE ONE RUNNING please pay attention to tai tawny makes it so obvious and y’all just miss shit sometimes with her and I really do have to resist making the accusation but like y’all are doing the thing!!!!) and ways I digress ill press play again I could and would like to at some point write a dissertation on tai shes going in the Clara Oswald pile. 

“Us no me” UGH I love tai. Tai is the one that has to do it. No matter what. Van just has to watch her. But , at the same time, van has to deal with tai, help tai. Van is making it about themself but is also realistically the only thing keeping tai functional through it all. Its all very interesting character dynamics that is too long to type out fully for this im putting a pin in it to come back to later ~~~~~~~

What If I miss into then he’ll really want to die into what Shaunahat did…. Yeah… foreshadowing to the max there. BUT its not on tai so thats nice thanks Shauna 

“You’re not gonna miss’ and she didn’t <33 (honestly thought travis died at the end of the ep there I was so taken aback)

“He tried to murder us in our sleep tai” but I swear van looks unsure. Van doesnt even seem to believe van. As discussed in the tawny scene; I think van knows other tai too well. and is questioning it here as well. Which is why van follows up with ‘you still think hes guilty right?’ - the whole bit isnt out of the blue - van is now worried it was tai, and so is gently interrogating to make sure tai doesnt just happen to remember doing it. As long as neither of them know, pretending it wasn’t tai is very easy. But it doesnt shake the worry, not entirely. 

Before I press play again. Omg I love taissa. 

I just love this scene. Feels like the thesis of the season tbh. 

Van palmer you genius you. Yes lets teach tai how to summon other tai that cant go wrong at all nope not at all ( I would have done the exact same thing im just worried the consequences are well ; biscuit ) 

Now also though - why isnt tai sleepwalking ? Because they aren’t in danger anymore. Nat is leading them well, they are safe. As we shift into Shauna leading, I expect we will see other tai more. Just a higher stress environment when miss angry bubble is in charge (not slander just facts)

Also I love how hesitant tai was about it - also it gets s okay and cute omg I love wlw ; ‘yeah’ oh van you are so whipped I love it (me too) 

Y’all still ofc tai is the bottom and van is the top ; tai likes to feel safe - therefore tai likes control - therefore tai likes to be around all of that - but tai is also a little sweetie who , once again, likes to feel safe. And van makes her feel safe. Safe enough to not be in control. To not be the one with the power. To be the bottom. this isnt even sub plot this is just tais personality.

Interesting that other tai also uses she/her pronouns think this is the first time we have confirmation on what other this pronouns are just taking note to remember. 

Love that the order of operations is 1) listen to trees 2) fuck 3) kill a bunny. These two 

<333 love them 

Its so funny tai even tried to take control but vans like no let me take care of you shush 

Tai is so fucking funny I would have done the same babes. Mildly disappointed van took so long to realize it was a joke but its because van wanted it to work so I can let it slide 

The little hair fix omg I love them so much cutest couple 

Oh my poor tai you handled this part so well 

Poor bunny though 

Thought tai was gonna fuck up killing the bunny with how they held the shot ngl 

The wilderness seemed to like the bunny moment but it didn’t work to get other tai - thinking its two entirely separate situational things. 

Then it cuts to Lottie still teaching the breathing ooh editing team I see you 

[forestryfae]

chaos lord hcs i consider canon cus thats what hc means lol

chaos lords tend to take a few traits after their familiars.

klarions pupils work the same way cats do. slits when hes relaxed, big and round when hes excited. he may purr on occasion but its usually only directed at teekl when shes snuggled into him. he likes to push things off of tables but thats not a familiar trait thing, he just saw teekl do it once and thought it looked fun.

child is cold to the touch and if the light hits her right her skin seems opalescent. her bones are partially transparent and looks like its made from opals and white quartz despite being solid bone

chaos lords need their familiars to be concious to stay properly on the mortal plane. thus, they need to sleep when their familiar is asleep. e.g. klarion wont ever discorporealize from teekl taking a catnap but he has the option of phazing in or out of the mortal plane for a while (annoying but harmless), waking her up (worse) or taking a nap w teekl (best choice)

in fact pretty much all chaos lords (and lords of order if the shoe fits) revolve their daily schedules around their familiars sleep schedules, despite familiars sleeping far less than normal animals

child cant sleep because of flaw. this does not affect her in the slightest.

sometimes klarion (specifically) will just drop dead. you know when cats loaf and suddenly their head just drops so theyre loafing face down and asleep? yeah, teekl fell asleep and klarion didnt notice and now hes fallen face first on the floor and is snoozing away. he could fall off the empire state building and not notice until after teekl wakes up

you cant wake him up. hes dead to the world until teekl wakes/is woken up and even then he might keep snoozing for a while before he wakes up on his own

vandal has, more than once, had to deal w his snoring during a meeting

his snoring isnt actually that loud if hes lying down properly. he tends to sleep like a cat tho. literally Wherever

lords of order generally dont have to be on the mortal plane very often and actively avoid it, unlike chaos lords who delight in being able to go, so its rarer for them to need anchors or familiars. nabu was basically their get out of work card

chaos/order lord language is mostly consistent of loud humming, hollow noises, and clear tones. the way electricity sounds, ice cracking, thunder rumbling, tuning forks, and so on also appear on occasion, and its easy to compare the noise they make to the sound of a planet spinning. there is a mild telepathic aspect of it used to convey mood and feelings as well. its like body language but psychich, and no actual words, thoughts or images are spoken psychically

its common to choose what noises are used based on favourite sounds and tones, hence the need for the telepathy. telempathy?? yeah thats a word now. gender is also linked to noises.

gender isnt really a thing the way it is for humans. sex as well, but genetics are. lords of whatever reproduce by deciding "i want a kid actually" and then manifesting a soul for that child. ideally you want between 2-5 lords manifesting at once so theres a variation in the powers used to bring them to life, if you only manifested a child from one lord youd just get a badly made copy of that lord.

manifesting a child is not seen as sexual, its more like witnessing a birth, so its not uncommon for children to just pop up out of nowhere in public. generally this has few reactions from others beyond congratulations. the knowledge of how to do it is still kept from children and young lords to prevent bad copies or irresponsible duplications from inexperience. not to mention that parenthood is kind of a big deal, you dont want a lord who was born last millennia try to make a shit duplicate, fail, and essentially rip themself in half, erasing them from existence

it is seen as. vulgar. to ask someone to help create a child. you generally say out loud "i want a child and need help" and suitors will offer their help. after that its pick or choose.

biological sex isnt a thing due to the way children are created, but gender still is there to some degree. some dont have one at all, while some have very strong feelings of it. its linked massively to noises and is seen as an accessory, like wearing a favourite bracelet or a cool tshirt. for some only hollow and humming tones is the perfect gender, for others low thundering rumbling with highpitched tones is excellent, and some might prefer using all the noises or stick to just one, and some may change periodically

physical bodies tend to be malleable enough to fix if they dont like what theyre given or alter if they change their mind, but they generally view genitals and sex characteristics as aestethic functions and do as they see fit based on what they feel looks nice and is more useful for them

nabu views the host body as just a host and therefore does not ever alter the host body. hes content w whatever he gets, he just lives there after all

lords of chaos and order have different dialects. its unclear to everyone else what the difference is though.

lords may take the soul of a mortal and turn it into a chaos lord/lord of order. this is called adoption :)

due to personal reasons, klarion may or may not be adopted depending on what backstory i want to use

(born as a chaoslord sometime between the beginning of the universe and roungly 5000 years before meeting vandal and was never human or anything else VS born in Limbo Town 2; The Adaption To Make It Less Lost Tribe Of Roanoke And More Homo Magi + Fae Cross Species From A Place Called Limbo Town, became a very powerful but chaotic magic user, chaos lord said "i want that one" and approaching him, klarion accepting and upon his death hell ascend, got murdered in cult ritual, became chaos lord and adopted by his mother (he has 2 now) and some time space power shit happens so he ascends into the past where his new mom who knows time chaos adopted him)

chaos lords are always red and lords of order are always yellow but the hue and saturation varies. some are more pink, some are kinda orange, some are blood colored, some have specks of different colors or ombres or stripes, some are very light or very dark, and so on etc etc

klarion has more than once refered to lords of order as "piss rocks from space"

[im-smart-i-swear]

There is a very very very importrant piece of buddy lore that i dont think ive ever shared with ANYONE before but which is FUNDAMENTAL to who they are and how they see themself. Idk why ive never said this before lmao but its Importrant.

So. Ok. The biggest reason why bud feels so guilty about what happened all these years ago still is beacuse, in that moment, when he was trying to kill keith - it was the happiest he has ever felt, before or since. And it haunts them.

They were being mind controlled by haggar, and in my specific interpretation i think its fascinating to think of it not as her literally using him as a puppet, but rather putting him in an altered mind state of sorts? Manipulating his thoughts and emotions until hes willing to do her bidding. Idrk how to explain this lol, but basically i mean that she, through her weird witch shit, turned bud into a '''willing''' servant. Shed just tell him what to do and hed do it bc that's what he Should Be Doing, beacuse that Feels Right. Bc at the moment he genuinely believes hes doing the right thing

Throughout those months w the paladins bud was undeniably having a Bad Time (and also making it everyones problem, rip lance...). so when he finally breaks and haggar gets a hold on him... He doesnt have to think anymore. All he has to do is follow orders, and god, isn't that so much easier? Isnt this so much better? It feels right, to follow instructions blindly, even if he can hear his friends screaming at him throught the fog. That's not importrant anyway.

What im trying to say is- between the exhaustion, the weird mind control shit, the constant headaches and clone programming... Somehow, that total loss of control had the effect of feeling terrifyingly, intoxicantly good. And that's why they can not forgive themself for what they did, even after all these years

To be clear, this is exactly what haggar intended to happen. This was her goal. If your puppet doesnt think the things hes doing are wrong, he wont even try to fight you! But to buddy pinning all the blame on the witch feels too easy. Too tempting. Can they really say it was all her when they vividly remember the peace, the satisfaction they felt when they carried out her orders? Is this really something you can go back from?

Blaming themself is their way of taking back control, in a way. The idea of being completely stripped of their free will, being molded like clay until they fit someones mold - its such a terryfying thought to bud that theyd rather blame themself than admit that complete and utter vulnerability. They werent manipulated into being a puppet, no no no no, they did this all themself! Beacuse they felt like it! Haggar just told them what to do and they did it all bc they wanted to, they were in control the whole time!! Theyre just a sick bastard who did this and enjoyed it. Haha...

The constant crushing guilty they carry around wherever they go is, in their mind, the only way they can make up for this. They cant forgive themself, they cant move on, they will carry this burden until the day they die. Its what they deserve. They have to try and be a good person, and no matter if they succeed at this or not the guilt will always be there. They are a monster, they are unredeemable. It doesnt stop them from trying. But they are always aware of this looming presence that is their guilt.

This is also why they view themself as diffrent from the other clones. Stick isn't a bad person bc he helped haggar out of self-preservation and was also a child at the time. Soup isn't a bloodthirsty monster(and neither is shiro) bc she didnt have a choice. But to bud, they DID make that choice themselves. And that makes them a horrible person.

[lost-mossy-garden]

Nature vs. Nurture

I would say my natural nature is someone who wants right and happiness, someone who is soft and gentle, someone who is full of energy and wants to talk all the time about every thought I have, someone who would rather keep the peace than start issues, someone who is easy to take advantage of.

However with the nurture I received, I've grown into quite the defiant, angry, distrusting, loud, someone who is constantly burnt out and at war in my own head, someone who picks fights over small discrepancies because I've been conditioned any actions against myself are small boundary tests to see how far I can be pushed, someone who stands their ground on things with stubbornness only found in boulders, someone who bites in response to the smallest nudge.

But that should be no surprise when I was raised in a cage full of predators circling in on me waiting to see how far they can push, take, and punish. Raised in a cage with a grown man who's temper tantrums resulted in A CHILD being chocked by the throat and pinned against the wall- forced to beg to be let go. Narcissistic crash outs over manipulations not working, and their self destroying wants not being met resulting in a night of things being thrown, with yelling, and of course the cops showing up; of course though the cops where shooed away suddenly with nothing wrong when they showed up. A real life nightmare inducing boogie-man who played themself as the sheep so well they where able to steal all the pity from ever making it to their victims. A boogie-man who came in the night, smelling sharply of hard alcohol, that tore apart flowers and called it games. A nightmare that took every chance they could to hammer in that a child as young as 6 was "unwanted', "a burden", " was in their debt", "worthless", "a whore", "a slut", "a teenage pregnancy waiting to happen". Hammering that started at the ripe age of 6, and lasted a long 13 years. Hammering and remarks that now plague me, having a nightmare that lives in my head at all times, pouncing when the meds wear off and the drugs stop getting me high. Voices and flashbacks that plague me everyday and everywhere; never letting me escape that hell I was abused in. A never ending nightmare that follows me to bed every night, follows me during the day speaking directly into my surroundings, following me in my psyche so deep that even the drugs cant keep me from being hunted forever.

I still fight however. I constantly look for productive ways to cope and move on. I'm constantly fighting to understand my surroundings for what is reality and not hallucinations of trauma demanding to be remembered. I fight with the same fangs and claws I've grown into from the abuse to not let it consume me. I fight to still be kind, to still hold empathy for everything around me, to love socializing, to still be full of good energy, to still try to keep the peace, to reason with my rage over small discrepancies. To continue to be soft and gentle even when inside my head is cynical. I've grown into something with fangs and claws for inflicting pain into others yet I still choose to do the opposite.

[swordsovereign]

"Seofon, about…Ceodric", bits and pieces had made its way to them, word of mouth and jumbled rumors. They weren't asking for the full conversation, nor for him to divulge what went wrong, there was simply something that resembled another's warning, a memory residing at the back of their mind ('You’ve gained too much influence.'). "Have you thought about it?" there's no hesitation, nor is there anything hinting that they were looking to question him, instead, behind their determined gaze they find themself wavering. They held no regrets for the choices they had made that led them to this point, but going forward…what was the future for them? For him? (ps i cant rmbr just What gran knows about it & i cant dedicate myself to check rn so. teehee. assume i wrote whatever canon actually said heart emoji

Ceodric was the type of person Seofon hated most. Someone who had allowed power to get to his head- something Seofon knew that he was just as prone to (because the proof was there, wasn't it? In the voice that spoke to him far too often- He would not become that person. For the sake of the skies, for their sake) and something he hoped that Gran would never have to truly worry about.

For all their power, they certainly didn't act like it was theirs- more that they shared it with those who they surrounded themselves with. A true leader if he'd ever seen one.

Gran hadn't been there to witness Ceodric's fall, and that was for the best. They were busy dealing with whatever backlash they'd suffered from that ultimate power (something that Seofon hadn't ever reached, and if he was honest with himself, he was okay never knowing what it was like. Maybe that's what made his other self become so ... eugh.)

❝ Ceodric? He's gone, now. ❞

It's solemn, there's a tension that hangs in the air. Seofon doesn't exactly know how to describe exactly what happened to Gran. Maybe it was for the best that Gran didn't know everything.

❝ We don't have to worry about him. You know, I did try my best, though. You win some, you lose some. ❞ There it is, that lighthearted nature, the front he put up to make sure Gran was at ease, because Gran didn't need more things to worry about. Plus, things were starting to settle, weren't they? Things had always worked out in the past, so why wouldn't this be the same?

Sure. Okay. Seofon could at the very least try to think like that, but it had been an entire year since Gran had been sick, since Orlogia and the Six Dragons had come along. Since the other Seofon had made his home somewhere in the back of his mind.

Things work out. Yeah.

❝ Hey, if you're looking to the future, just make sure the one you're looking at is one full of hope. Don't lose sight of your goals, and it will be easy sailing. And if it isn't, I'll be here whenever you need me. ❞

[ramshackle-thorned-rose]

Hi there<3! Reblogging this with all the answers so people can find them directly!<3 -Mod xeno

❣️ - What are their love languages?

Physical affection, Gifting, and quality time.

🌙 - What’s their sleep schedule like?

Nonexistent.

🎁 - How do they feel about their birthday/birthdays in general?

I.. Dont mind it. Though, its on Halloween, so people tend to forget.

🧑‍🦰 - Have they ever dyed their hair? Ever cut it themself?

Never dyed it, Though I did cut it when Riddle burnt the ends. Short hair feels.. good.

🍷- How do they feel about alcohol?

Im the legal drinking age back home. I dont mind a drink now and then. It takes my mind off things.

🗣️ - How do they handle public speaking?

I dont like it, but I can handle it.

🎮 - What’s their favorite game?

I typically dont have time for games, but I like older styled games. Horror games that feel retro like Shipwrecked 64 are my go-to.

💓 - What are some signs they’ve fallen for someone? How do they show their affection?

I typically start trying to spend more time with them and often give them baked goods or other trinkets. Sometimes I get more affectionate.

🤡 - What’s something dumb they’re embarrassed about?

When I was eight I called my Father ‘sir’ like one of his goons. Mono laughed at me for hours.

🌱 - Do they have a green thumb or are they a plant killer?

Plant momma all the way. You cant take three steps in Ramshackle without seeing a plant.

📱 - What social media do they use the most?

Tumblr. Cater tries to drag me on magicam but I dont fuck with that. People would judge my scars or call me too thin.

👪 - What’s their relationship with their parents like?

I love my Father dearly.

🐒 - What’s their favorite animal?

Foxes, cats, and Hyenas. And also whatever Grim is.

🧳 - What countries have they been to?

Germany, England, The US, France, And Russia.

🤔 - What’s something they’ll never understand?

Alchemy. The alchemy here is easy to understand, but back home? It’s like a chemistry NIGHTMARE.

🎨 - What’s their favorite color?

Despite all the green around here; My favorite colors are purple, gold, and blue.

☂️ - How do they feel about rain?

I love it. Its very relaxing.

🎶 - What’s a song they really like?

The Ballad Of Jane Doe from RTC.

🖌️ - Do they have any hobbies?

Several.

💤 - What do they absolutely need to have to fall asleep?

Rain noises, something to cuddle, absolute darkness, and a breeze.

🎢 - Do they like amusement parks? What’s their favorite ride?

Put me on the biggest rollercoaster there and im having a good time. Though I love waterparks too.

🗺️ - What languages do they speak?

German, English, Whatever they speak here, Russian, French for some reason, and Japanese.

🍳 - How well can they cook?

Very well; Ask anyone around.

🍪 - How well can they bake?

Whenever I bake for an event; the goods are gone in 5 minutes.

💘 - What do they find attractive about their partner(s)?

Everything. From their smile, to their personality, to the way their eyes sparkle when they look at me. The subtle way they try to keep me by their side when they missed me.. Everything.

👗 - How comfortable would they be wearing a skirt or dress?

I dont mind them, but I definitely prefer pants.

💝 - What gestures do they really appreciate? How do you get on their good side?

Just be nice to me and treat me like I matter. Affection is.. definitely gonna help your case. Just dont be overly loud or manipulative.

☕ - Coffee or tea?

Iced coffee (caramel mocha) and iced peppermint tea (with added extract).

💀 - How do they feel about horror movies?

I love them. Grim doesnt.

🧸 - Do they have any stuffed animals? If so, are they decorative or do they sleep with them?

..Several. I make plushies of people I consider my friends so that even when they arent around I can be with them. ..rocky has been the most recent addition.

💖 - How and how often do they try to impress their partner(s)? How and how often do their partner(s) impress them?

My partners could be impressed by me just by smiling. It isn’t something I do often. My partners could impress me by saying they love me every day. It.. isn’t something im used to hearing.

🍽️ - What’s their favorite food?

Sesame sticks, kale and mango salad, and lo mein. So good.

🧑‍🍼 - How do they feel about kids?

..I like kids. I’m good with them. But if my partner doesnt want any, then we dont have to. Im fine with and im fine without.

🐾 - Do they have any pets?

Yes. I took in a stray kitten a few weeks ago. His name is Nicky (named after the ghost boy who pesters me every day i love you nicky/p)

💬 - What are some filler/buffer words they use? (Like, um, etc.)

I typically just sigh or groan.

🏳️‍🌈 - What do they identify as? What are their pronouns?

She/Her, Bisexual.

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 - Do they have any siblings?

Mono is my only blood sibling. Xeno was adopted when he was only five days old, and recently Father adopted Fellow and Gidel.. So yes. I have four.

🥰 - What pet names do their partner(s) use for them? How flustered do they get by them?

Im rather flustered easily, and im not afraid to admit it. Anything they call me can get me blushy. ‘Baby’, ‘Babe’, ‘Sunshine’, ‘Snowflake’, and ‘Honey’ tend to make me the giddiest.

🌳 - What’s their extended family like?

I only know my aunt and my uncle. My mother’s brother was decently present in my life. My father’s sister was ALWAYS somewhere. Only ever saw her at reunions.

And adding one just for me;

🥗 - What’s their diet like?

I’m vegetarian. It wasnt my choice, I’m allergic to meats and fish will kill me. The only meat I can ‘safely’ eat is chicken, and even then I still get nauseous, so I stay away from it. Sometimes the cravings are too strong and i’ll have some sesame chicken or general tso chicken in VERY LITTLE amounts.

Misc. Ask Meme

❣️ - What are their love languages? 🌙 - What’s their sleep schedule like? 🎁 - How do they feel about their birthday/birthdays in general? 🧑‍🦰 - Have they ever dyed their hair? Ever cut it themself? 🍷- How do they feel about alcohol? 🗣️ - How do they handle public speaking? 🎮 - What’s their favorite game? 💓 - What are some signs they’ve fallen for someone? How do they show their affection? 🤡 - What’s something dumb they’re embarrassed about? 🌱 - Do they have a green thumb or are they a plant killer? 📱 - What social media do they use the most? 👪 - What’s their relationship with their parents like? 🐒 - What’s their favorite animal? 🧳 - What countries have they been to? 🤔 - What’s something they’ll never understand? 🎨 - What’s their favorite color? ☂️ - How do they feel about rain? 🎶 - What’s a song they really like? 🖌️ - Do they have any hobbies? 💤 - What do they absolutely need to have to fall asleep? 🎢 - Do they like amusement parks? What’s their favorite ride? 🗺️ - What languages do they speak? 🍳 - How well can they cook? 🍪 - How well can they bake? 💘 - What do they find attractive about their partner(s)? 👗 - How comfortable would they be wearing a skirt or dress? 💝 - What gestures do they really appreciate? How do you get on their good side? ☕ - Coffee or tea? 💀 - How do they feel about horror movies? 🧸 - Do they have any stuffed animals? If so, are they decorative or do they sleep with them? 💖 - How and how often do they try to impress their partner(s)? How and how often do their partner(s) impress them? 🍽️ - What’s their favorite food? 🧑‍🍼 - How do they feel about kids? 🐾 - Do they have any pets? 💬 - What are some filler/buffer words they use? (Like, um, etc.) 🏳️‍🌈 - What do they identify as? What are their pronouns? 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 - Do they have any siblings? 🥰 - What pet names do their partner(s) use for them? How flustered do they get by them? 🌳 - What’s their extended family like? 🎲 - Pick a random question to answer from this list.

[thoughts-and-all-that]

its so easy for any negative emotion to transform into self hatred... but they dont tell you that. for grief or anger or fear or jealousy or the desperate need to be loved

its so easy to turn it on myself

like. why cant i just be good socially? it comes so naturally to everyone else and i thought maybe it came naturally to me once upon a time

but i was a different person back then

i know i should be kind to myself but im so frustrated. im terrified everytime anyone pays me any attention. im never sure whats going on in literally any situation. people somehow know who i am and thats terrifying

i want nothing more than to be part of the world again, to be human. but its not that fucking easy. i spent almost a decade being... half a person. i wish i never did what i did. i know why i did it but i wish i never did.

i just know that everyone who interacts with me can just tell that something is wrong with me

sometimes im scared theyll think i hate them. that maybe im even a bigot. but i cant say that part without sounding stupid. im so focused all the damn time about being the most progressive me i can be that ive anxiety'd myself into being terrified that i come off like a prejudiced prick. that i act like i am one if i have an intrusive thought that i despise

the truth is i was never good socially. i know id go over to friends houses and i was probably so weird. at least we had stuff to talk about back then. it was always about fandom stuff, that stuff is so easy to talk about. at least, it was back then. i cant even talk about that stuff anymore without being scared im misinterpreting the characters or story so badly that ill just embarass myself

and i used to love roleplaying until that. and until roleplaying became scarily similar to some trauma bullshit.

and yknow, i kinda think i might be autistic? and thats not a bad thing. it would explain a lot actually

but i just get this feeling about the idea that im kinda fucked

that i really cant learn my way out of my social atrociousness because its inherent to who i am

i know autistic people who are so good socially. but im not them. its a spectrum, after all.

i dont understand how people do anything. how theyre so confident. how they just take up space without even thinking about it

i feel like everyone hates me just cause i cant say a sentence without sounding scared

i dont even know how to talk to my friends anymore. we barely talk at this point

i know this is apparently just how it is when youre all adults but like. fuck. we dont all have an hour of time to just. hang out? play gartic phone maybe?

in some ways ive never felt as lonely as i do right now. its like... i always find new ways to feel the loneliest ive ever felt

whether it be being suicidal, or being terrified for my friends lives and being powerless to do anything. to me fucking up the best relationship i ever had because i got paranoid. to the moment i left a friend group and a part of me faded away like vapor. to talking to people who openly hurt themself over and over and over and i couldnt just get them to stop no matter how much i tried. to me trying desperately to escape this crushing, suffocating isolation, only to be forced back into it by a global fucking pandemic. to someone punishing me and worsening my trauma because i was rude when i shouldnt have been. to when i was trying so hard to be part of a group i enjoyed and was having so much fun with, but i couldnt keep up when i was trying so hard. to being part of another group and i fucking hated them for being these negative hypocrites with some of the most broke ass opinions ive ever seen. to sitting in the hospital room with my dying mother in a coma and coming out to her as trans and hoping so fucking badly that she could hear me, that she would die at least knowing i was her son, and ill never fucking know if she knew. to making friends with someone who was so vile, but they were there, they were always there, until i couldnt stand their vileness anymore and they tried to bring me down for it, and i had to send them so much texts telling them how much i hated them because if i didnt i was going to go insane. the fact that they ruined my 20th birthday, and the thanksgiving before that. to me riding on a trainride alone for 11 hours and was so damn scared that something bad would happen on the other side and id never return home, and i almost got lost in chicago. i remember looking at my friends through the glass of the bus and wanting to just leave the bus and go to them, i was so fucking homesick and they were something familiar. to me wanting to make a dessert my mom always made but my grandma stole that moment from me. to sitting in the car with my dad as he tells me i need to rush school as much as possible so that i can move on with my life and imply it would be easier for him if i did. to making a discord server in the desperate hope to make friends into the same thing im into, and every day i consider just deleting it.

to right now, as i watched a show that brought back the feelings of when my mother was dying and i felt angry all over again about the horrible receptionist who made me feel like shit when i was terrified of losing my mom. i remember my family just told me to deal with it, i just needed to see my mom. i wish i couldve told that lady to go fuck herself.

i just want friends. i just want to be human. i just want to feel like theres no wall between me and the world anymore.

im so sick of being lonely. im so sick of being alone. im so sick of not being able to break out of this prison of my own design. i fucking created it when i was 13 fucking years old, im about to turn 22, how am i stuck in the same fucking prison i created when i was a child.

i just wonder if ill ever find my way out. if ill ever feel connected to anyone ever again. if ill ever get what i dreamed of. its not an impossible dream, yknow. i just want a partner, and a home, and maybe a pet or two. i want someone to be there. i feel like im searching for a needle in a haystack, just trying to find someone whos... right, for me. like im searching for the chosen one or some shit

im not easy to love. for myself, or for other people. i try so hard, yknow? but whether im myself or not, i just dont do it right. theyre full of shit when they tell you to be yourself. they only mean be yourself when its in a way that fits what they want. they dont like us annoying kids who didnt know when to shut up until it was too late. so i shut up instead and it still didnt work.

i dont even know how to talk about the stuff i like anymore.

i dont know how to talk anymore.

they dont warn you about how hollow loneliness makes you. it makes you feel like an auditorium thats been left to rot. what youd give, just for one more assembly.

loneliness makes you blame yourself, because a pattern has a maker, and eventually you have to realize its you.

i didnt ask to be this way. i didnt ask for this life. i didnt ask for any of this. did i do something to deserve it? was being an annoying fat girl a crime to the universe? its sure a crime to everyone else.

i just want love. why is that so hard? isnt it supposed to be easy? everyone else has it. why cant i?

[chirpsloth]

its been like 17 minutes since i told myself id do homework i need to do it but i just spent all that time reading through all my tumblr post...

god i hate myself

not bc of the homework thing ill get it done but because of just reading the posts

not really i dont think

i just hate myself

but not actually

just a little

maybe i feel bad for myself...

no self pity is lame

god do i hate myself?

when i read the posts i know edxactly what ii was refering to at the time... but i dont think i make my psots easy to decipher all the time

like when i saw the posts that said "im so nervous" and "nervous nancy" followed by the psot a few hours later saying wtf why do i actully have rizz" and then "wtf is wrong with me" im like: oh my god!! i know why i was posting that at the time!! like wowowowow thats how i was feeling thats wild!

i really do feel for myself.. why am i this way???? everyone probably pities themself sometimes.

idk i didnt deserve that... and i shouldnt do that.. wouldnt trade it for anything though. i wont stop though

im not evil im just human

im just learning

im scared for when i reach the age where i cant say that anymore...

is everything gonna be okay?

everything IS okay. i get GREAT grades, i have a good home life, i have 2 close friends, i get to walk and listen to music all the time...

i think that part of it is jealousy but theres always a wishing to get worse you know?

i don't think i'll ever be fejwlfjew but i think thats okay... im happy. i think. edcept for when i think about things too much

i pity myself

i guess i pray to the future me. you know? i wonder if i typed all my old posts knowing that the future me would read them and be like a therapist from another time...telling msyelf not to worry. i think i just did it because i need to say things and i dont have anyone that i call spew all my dumb stuff to without annoying them or making them think im mentally ill which i am not.

plus i need a place to be self centered. i guess this is that... some place hwere i only talk about me. im okay with no one listening irl because i dont want to portray myself as insane. there are some things that can only be written too. i wouldnt want to talk to my therapist about a lot of things because i dont want him thinking im insane. i know thats a therapists job but im saying like theres stuff that i really shouldnt say.. scared maybe. i wanna educate myself on law or soemhitng so i know what my therapist can tell my mother or can get me admitted for.

do i even want help? i seriously dont think so. the better i get the worse i want to get. right now im in a good middle ground. im happy, i dont cause conflict in the house too much, im not exhausting myself, i get things done, life is pretty okay. sometimes i will participate in some efwljfkwel activities though. maybe thats just my way to cope. its not harming anyone,, and i really dont believe its harming the present me too much.

maybe itll harm the future me like how my past decisions currently hurt me. not out of regret but out of pity. it just hurts that i did that... you know?

i really should do my homework but i have time (Not really)

im thinking of doing the bare minimum rn and waking up extra early to finish everytihng up. probably what i wanna do.

i know its only been a week of school since the weekend (weird way to phrase it??) but i need a break. im fine with school its not tiring or anything but god i need a break from life. not like life life but i mean hanging out with people, having things i need to do, etc. i need a week where im all alone. i love my friends but god i need alone time. i always feel so guilty when i dont hang out with them though because i dont wanna be lonely or lose friendships so i find myself hanging out with my friends mainly to "maintain friendships". i love them so much but please i need time.

this post is making me sound so mentally unwell but im doing so fine i promise (who am i promising?)

god

why is my heart rate so fast

lemme count it rq

okay its actually pretty normal its 80-ish bpm but it feels fast

i feel so shaky

i wonder if its the sugar i had earlier... i know some foods or larger amounts of fodos always make my heart feel fast and make me shaky but i havent really discovered what foods those are.

im always so nervous posting on here because what if i say something that makes this all tracable to me. i dont wanna lose opportunities beause of some dumb tumblr posts.

i know i should use like my journal or something but its comforting knowing that this can be viewed by someone for some reason. i mean id be mortified if someone told me they read all my posts but idk. maybe also its nice because i can always lose a physical notebook or lose the passord to my google docs but tumblr is public and i can always look at this tomfoolery from another account. plus this feels less formal. in my actual physical journal im very messy and i get sucked in when i write but its so messy its unreadable, it cramps my hand, and sometimes feels inconvenient. on my actual online journal i established it as something more formal... for life and mental updates for myself. im scared

i dont know why but im so scared

im so so so scared

god why did i just feel like i was about to cry

i want to curl up and cry so loudly in my moms lap while she tells me its okay but i cant i cant i cant. if i did she would think im mentally unwell which im not and id be such an inconvience to her.

last time i cried in her arms she told me that i gotta "say everything" to my therapist and that he can help me. help me with what?? she said that i deserve someone good that can help me? i told her that im normal.. she told me that she didnt want a normal daughter she wanted a happy daughter. i am happy. i just repeated that im normal because i know she sees me as different in some way. i see her as different in soem way too. i think i'd see my sister different than everyone else if i didn't judge her so much. i feel so insensitive but i always invalidate my sisters issues/struggles because i feel like i had it worse and that she has it so well. i konw its so bad and i need to remind myself that... she is a human being, she will struggle, and i should be happy that what i was so used to makes her suffer... im glad she's not used to badness like i was. that makes me sound so emo but you know. i just invalidate her so much.

anways. i think that seeing someone so closely..knowing them almost better than you know yourself will make you see them as less normal. or something. i dont know. i know my mom sees me as different. i doubt she sees my sister as so different than society. maybe its because im socially a little odd. she thinks i try to push people away/unsettle them. i dont. im just awkward around a lot of people. i like telling myself that im not everyones cup of tea. maybe thats just a way to excuse my social stupidity. my best freind always asks me how can i find myself socially stupid if im friends with like everyone. maybe shes right, but i dont think os. im not friends with anyone. weve just been conditioned to be nice to everyone and people are nice to me. yes people trust me, yes i have inside jokes/ get alogn with a lot of people... but do you seriously think i hang out with them outside of school? we use the word freind too loosely. if i never text someone, we only talk in school, and never hang out outside of school... no matter how much we know about each other, no matter if we've seen each other cry, no matter how long we've been "friends," we are NOT friends and thats okay. i try to be agreeable. people think im funny at least.

i need my mom to hug me and let me cry into her arms but i dont want her judging me or worrying about me i just need my mom. god im about to cry. why do i make myself feel this way? this was just supposed to be a post about not doing my homework.. now im writing like a multiparagraph essay. i need to say things. i guess i need to organize my thoughts. speak to the void.

you know i think i write in this because i know that future me will read it... emaning that future me will be alive. meanign that i'll be alive in the future. meaning that everything will be okay. if future me is alive, it means she overcame things, and shes now smarter, and as she's reading these paragraphs, she remembers how she used to feel, and pities her old self once again. and then maybe writes more to the future future me. and the cycle continues. until im dead i guess. maybe someone else.. a child? will work as a future future future x1000 me.. i doubt it. i dont think someone will ever care about me as a person so much as to read everyting ive thought. im currently pretty much just writing my thougts. nothing is organized. im just rambling. i would film a video but i dont have space in my camera roll, and even if i did, i would never want a video of myself saying stuff. some things are better kept written. anwyays. hello future me. and the future me after that. etc. i wonder if im laughing at this in the future. probably... in some time in the future. i bet ill laugh while also pitying my current self. self pity is so lame.

speaking of children. honestly.

door is opening. my moms home. ive been writing for like an hour. homework for tomorrow i guess. ill maintain a convorsation with her while i write. actually maybe ill close my laptop and return to this later. i mean i could use the excuse that this is homework...

[aspiring-house-husband]

good evening, sweet night sky anon, pretty puppy, its time for your reward 💕

to learn more about requesting something of your own, follow this link

words earned: 700 | word count: 730

~|~

you beautiful sweet thing... you’ve been so strong for so long, i’m so proud of you. you’ve been navigating this world and doing your best, and that’s all any of us can hope for, right? that’s all i could possibly ask you for. 

but you’ve spent enough time being strong. i think you’re ready to put all that strength aside. you don’t need it anymore, not when you’re with me. 

so come in, sweetheart, sit down. rest your legs, stretch out your back. i’ll get you something to drink- you’re done doing things for yourself, for a while. i’ve got you; i’ll take care of you. you can relax. you can close your eyes and rest your head back, and you can listen to my words. 

you’re so strong, so brave. but you can leave all that strength and bravery by the door. all you need to be now is obedient. you can do that for me, can’t you? 

that’s right, puppy, of course you can. You’re always good for me, so good. 

shh, yes you are, no need to deny it. i’m always right, aren’t I? your master is always right, and pretty little puppies like you would do well to listen. good puppy, well done. 

now, I know how sore your shoulders can get, so im going to give you a little shoulder rub, okay? don’t worry, I remember, I won’t be too harsh. I know your limits. your master is always right. 

breathe deep with me, little love. I’ve got you; you’re safe with me. that’s all you need. now, why don’t you spread those pretty legs? that’s it, that’s my good obedient puppy. I’ve got you.

aww, my gorgeous little puppy, youre dripping, sopping wet. being talked down to like this is all it takes to get you nice and needy? how sweet. go on, pretty puppy, you can rub your cock a little bit. 

no, don’t hold back those pretty moans. well done, that’s it, perfect. Keep going for me, sweetheart, that’s so nice. I know, darling, i know- try not to twitch. you’re so perfect. 

I know, I know, poor thing, i know how it makes you squirm and whimper when i say that. but you are perfect, and you’d do well to remember that. 

ah-ah, don’t make that face at me. look at me, puppy- say it. say that you’re perfect. you’re a perfect, pretty little puppy. 

good. say it again. 

well done. see, now doesn’t that feel better? my pretty little puppy, accepting themself, knowing exactly how pretty they are. why don’t you reward yourself for obeying your master? why don’t you stick some fingers into that pretty wet puppycunt?

oh, isn’t that just the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen. alright, pup- don’t move, i’ve got you. You know that i’m well strong enough to pick you up and set you down all soft and comfy onto the bed. 

I just can’t resist that pretty wet hole- part of me wants to eat you out like a starving man, but my pretty puppy deserves to be filled the way they want. I promise i’ll go slow, fill you nice and easy. . . fuck, puppy, you’re so warm and tight and- ngh- fuck. 

now. let me hear every sound from those gorgeous lips, let me have every mark you feel the need to bestow upon my skin. don’t hold back, puppy, let yourself give in, let yourself drop. you’re safe, nothing matters but this. 

nothing matters but your master’s cock, thrusting slow at first before slowly speeding up, long strokes deep into your puppycunt, hitting every spot within you. nothing matters but your master’s hands on your hips, holding you like there’s nothing in the world more precious while gripping you so tight that you couldn’t imagine getting away. 

no, no, no squirming. no escaping. you’re at my mercy, puppy, and all this pleasure your dumb little puppy brain cant quite handle- i’ll make sure you do. you were made to suffer on my cock, and that’s what you’ll do. whine and cry all you want; i’ll kiss away your tears. 

and when you fall apart—which i feel by your trembling thighs that you’ll be doing soon—you’ll do that stuffed full of your master’s cock, sobbing and moaning like you’re born to do nothing else. you can do it, darling, there you go. now, don’t you feel better? 

[jjkyaoi]

hey y’all take these cutely ❤️;

• for their entire friendship, tommys always been more vocally protective of tubbo. it doesn’t matter who it would be, if anyone looked at his best friend wrong he’d already be starting a fight or provoking them in some way for tubbo’s honor. it wasn’t something that was hidden; he’d always get himself in some sort of trouble on tubbo’s behalf, like a fucking dumbass, and tubbo’s always had to get him out of these situations he’d put himself into- he’d gotten so used to seeing tommy put himself in danger that that over the years tubbo vowed to himself that he’d be the one to save tommy, if he ever really got into too much trouble; that’s kind of where it all started.

• any fight that tommy would impulsively get himself into, tubbo would always be following right behind. it didn’t matter what intimidation tactics tommy used against the people he was fighting; it would always be tubbo just standing silently behind him with a fucking death glare that’d eventually get them to back off.

• tubbo always teases tommy for not letting him have other friends, & he likes to act like he doesn’t mind if tommy has any other close friends, but if anyone refers to themself as tommys “best friend” all fucking hell breaks loose.

SOMEBODY; so anyway, yeah, i’d consider tommy one of my best friends-

TUBBO, taking out a crossbow; it’d be so easy for me to shoot an arrow directly into your fucking eye :).

• a few days after the first festival, when tubbo & tommy were both in pogtopia, tommy wouldn’t let tubbo anywhere near techno. he, rightfully, hadn’t forgotten about the execution, but tubbo hadn’t forgotten about the pro scene; he hadn’t forgotten that he’d had to watch what techno did to his best friend because he was too injured to help. so, the days in pogtopia were spent w/ tommy “protecting” tubbo from techno but it was really just tubbo standing behind tommy w/ a large axe whenever techno got too close.

TECHNO; hey, tommy, i’m—

TUBBO, pointing an axe directly at his throat: get a step closer and i’ll chop off your head :]

TECHNO: i—

TECHNO: i literally publicly executed you??

• i feel like tubbo’s always had a relatively high pain tolerance, so whenever he’s gotten injured he’s always been quick to brush it off w/ a quick “lol it’s fine” but whenever tommy got the slightest bit injured he’d always freak out. he wouldn’t leave tommys side for hours & he’d constantly be asking him if he’s okay- constantly be wearing of touching him too aggressively. he’s always been a mother hen, but whenever tommys hurt it’s always turned up.

• speaking of tubbo being a mother hen, he frequently gets stressed over the impulsive things tommy does. he doesn’t like the fact that tommy doesn’t seem to think- doesn’t seem to worry about his own personal safety before he does things, & he’s always berating him if he does something impulsive. once again, he’s always been worried over tommys safety- he’s always prioritized it over his own. ((hint hint; him being willing to die for tommy if it meant he got the disks back & was happy.)) after the duel w/ dream in the first war, tubbo didn’t talk to him for a couple days, stubbornly avoiding him because of the fact that he lost a life in that fucking duel. that’s the first time they’ve ever really fought.

• after tommy comes back from exile, tubbo’s clinginess/mother henning/protectiveness comes back tenfold. he’s sort of always anxiously checking up on tommy and seeing if he’s okay, & there isn’t a second where he isn’t by the boys side, leading up to doomsday; he’s always standing right besides him and holding his hand, making sure he’s real constantly- that he isn’t fake, that he isn’t just hallucinating this.

• even after doomsday, tubbo’s constantly checking up on him, even if he’s in snowchester. he’s constantly messaging him w/ his communicator, asking for updates about the hotel, if he’s okay, if he’ll ever actually come & visit snowchester. tommy rolls his eyes whenever he see his messages and fondly calls him a “mother hen”, but he appreciates the concern.

• after sam & tommy started getting closer, tubbo actually took it upon himself to give sam the “shovel talk” when tommy wasn’t around. and it was funny because it’s just this 5’6 little kid staring down this 6’7 half-creeper hybrid w/ a trident.

SAM; oh, hey tubbo! it’s good to see you—

TUBBO; if you do anything to tommy, i’ll kill you and your entire family.

SAM: i—

SAM, who was planning to adopt him too: ,,...right

• also, tubbo frequently talks about tommy in snowchester. most of the time it’s just him complaining about how he hasn’t been around/complaining about him in general, but if anyone else talks badly about tommy he immediately snaps his head around and goes “what the Fuck did you say”

• also, when he was under schlatt’s administration, schlatt had a habit of talking bad about the past citizens of l’manberg- particularly, tommy & wilbur. it doesn’t matter what they’d be talking about, the conversation about the previous president & vice would always be brought up, and whenever schlatt would start talking about tommy in a bad way tubbo wouldn’t fucking have it.

SCHLATT; and tommy. honestly, i cant tell if he’s a normal kid or if he’s just wilburs rabid lap dog—

TUBBO; don’t say that about him.

SCHLATT; i— i’m sorry, tubbo?

TUBBO; you can talk bad about anyone else, but don’t ever talk bad about tommy. not in front of me.

SCHLATT; ...

QUACKITY, in the distance; yo that’s the fucken president you’re talking to 🧍🏼

• also, tubbo’s always sort of have this unspoken pettiness when it comes to phil. it isn’t obvious —and, he doesn’t voice it often— but he’s well aware of how phil used to treat tommy, & he’s always held a grudge against him for it. it doesn’t matter what it is; whether it be murmuring little petty comments about him under his breath and disguising it with a cough, or it’d be making snide little remarks and covering it up with a smile, he’d sort of always be coming for phil in some way. tubbo had a game in his mind for how many times he could subtlety come for that man’s shit parenting

PHIL; yeah, and my sons—

TUBBO; your sons? i’m sorry, i thought you only had one.

PHIL; wha-what?

TUBBO; i thought wilbur was your only son. y’know, given how you treat tommy half of the time :].

PHIL: i’m...

FUNDY, in the background; oooooh

[mihai-florescu]

anon with the selfshipping okay that makes more sense,,, i still want that person to maybe get a support system or help bc it doesnt seem healthy at all in the long run but also I Am Just Some Fucking Guy and not an expert on mental health

from what i can tell they do not kin anyone?? they also say that any ships with the dude are upsetting to them and also that they specifically avoid certain ships; and to not follow them if they kin/produce him and i'll be honest i have no idea what any of that means i can vaguely asume but ultimately i am not involved, i am not gonna judge them if it doesnt hurt them or anyone else but also, honestly and sincerly, What The Fuck

I mean, although im not involved myself with the scene and ive just watched from afar, i think selfshipping can be fun if it's a recreational thing, but from what you told me this is a bit extreme and, yeah, sounds unhealthy in the long run (not being able to accept rejection so youre attaching yourself to a character who cant reject you). My recommendation for this person, or anyone who's in this situation, would be to be online Less. If theyre genuinely upset at seeing content of a character in settings different from their delusion then it's definitely not healthy, but being triggered is avoidable by just. Not being in the fandom at all and keeping it a private thing for themself.

I've been online for long enough to know that i dont really want to get involved with any of this and that, for me personally, this isnt a coping mechanism but would be actively making my mental state worse. It would be easier to talk on this subject in dms if i knew exactly who you are and your experiences online though if you ever wanna come off anon. Overall, live and let live, the block button's your best friend, but it's very easy to lose track of reality when you surround yourself only with people who support your delusions online. This is something everyone's gotta be mindful of, myself included.

[kopivie]

*cracks knuckles* this is what my art skillz are used for (SORRY THEN DONT LOOK GOOD I AMDE EM IN LIKE 15 MINS AND I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO DRAW THEIR HAIR I STILL NEED PRACTICDE KSNEGSEGGE)

omg rigel sounds so so sweet but YEAH he might not be the best king,, IM GLAD SAIPHA AND HIM STILL ARE CLOSE THOOO i wish they could just both be the ruler but life isn't that easy

AND MANA??? SO THERE IS KINDA LIKE MAGIC IN HERE what are lapis and lazuli's mana like? im assuming they have their own magic and stuff AND HELP[ I LOVE THIS PART "if people knew what they were doing, they'd be ousted and jailed" PLEASEEEEEE

"the bigger kingdoms like the avrigian empire and the xedian dynast" THE WORLDBUILDING?? WHAT ARE THE OTHER DYNATIES AND EMPIRES LIKE??

dragons love it there because of how untouched it is by mankind." does that mean we get to see dragons. I FUCKING LOVE DRAGONS. PLEASE LET ME SEE DRAGONS--

"fun fact: lapis was born in bahmania, but was taken out of there by their human father against their mother's wishes." oh no. WHAT??? U CANT JUST SAY THAT AND DIP??

IM LOSING MY MIND[@@*@@;&=×&÷:&@$ YOU'RE FUCKING AMAZING, I'M LITERALLY ON THE BRINK OF TEARS RN THANK YOU

oh boy ... okay Okay Look this world is huge, lemme try to like. Not Fly Off the Handle

so for mana manifestations, there's three stages:

the first stage is basic life. mana is life energy — the first stage is just being alive. everyone possesses just enough mana to keep them alive. everyone also possesses an aura that shields them from minor injuries. it takes quite a bit of jostling to hurt someone — scraped knees are a thing of fiction, really. but bloody noses and broken bones are real, it just takes a little more force to cause that kind of thing, so the strength gap between real life and this world is a little big.

the second stage of mana manifestation enhances bodily capabilities. enhanced intuition, telepathy, psychokinesis, that sort of thing. saipha... well, to quote my notes directly:

“Instead, her specialty allowed her to smell a person’s true nature... and greatly empathize with people... Her ability to judge a person’s character is second to none. She cannot tell when a person is telling the truth or not, but if she cannot stand the smell of a person, then they are deemed suspicious per her order.”

she can also see the color of a person's aura, and it's not exactly something she can turn off, so she constantly wears a veil to shield her eyes.

the third stage of mana manifestation is elemental manipulation. you can control any one element at will!

lapis is a third stage manifestor by default because of their lineage — they have the blood of an elemental within them, so they can control water at will. lazuli on the other hand was a second stage manifestor, but thanks to the spirits' interference, they can now control water as well! (they only ever use it when cooking, though. they try to avoid dirtying their hands via combat.)

mmh i'll leave the other dynasties and kingdoms for another time, but! the thing about lapis being taken from bahmania!

in this world, hybrid children are... commodities. one of the rarest and most precious goods that money can buy. lapis' father took them out of that country with plans to make money off of them somehow, but last minute, his conscience stopped him. of course, that didn't stop him from physically abusing them until his sudden death, but that's what happened. he didn't even name them. lapis raised themself for two years before they encountered lazuli.