#cant stop thinking about how when i make moves to stop putting effort into people who dont return it i am simply left unhappy

[beeen-sprouts]

Feeling quite like a sack of shit as of late

[xcherryerim]

Intoxicating Admiration

gn!reader vocalist x hard!dom Billy | word count: 2.7k

“Short breathes a whisper, and everythings new. Your still thoughts, cant walk.” — Where The Night Ends by Together Pangea

SMUT ONE SHOT - MDNI | 18+ ONLY

Warning: choking, oral sex (only Billy womp womp) | quicky, unprotected sex (I can’t stress this enough y’all, wear condoms pls) | Penetration (no genitalia specified) | tying up reader’s wrist | porn with plot. | Car sex.

Notes: Wrote this a long time ago and I revised it like 2 times so�� sorry for the repeated words and stuff :)

Also, the song reader sings is the one I linked at the beginning! You don’t have to listen to it but yk…

Summary: Running from the police, Billy finds himself hiding in a grunge bar, unsure of what to do next. He decides to stay for a little while longer and as he watches your band's performance, He is instantly drawn to you.

Billy's attempt to rob a gas station had gone wrong. The adrenaline pumping through his body kept him going for a while, but soon his legs gave out and he was forced to stop. On the run, he approached a strange bar that looked grunge and worn-out. But he had nowhere else to go, so he snuck inside to hide from the police and plan his next move.

Billy felt out of place in this dark and messy-looking bar, not used to its laid-back atmosphere compared to typical barn-looking ones. He'd been here for almost an hour and couldn't think of a good reason to stay. Even though the police were probably no longer searching for him, something was telling him to stay.

Everyone was watching him, some checking him out while others judging his cowboy-looking attire, but he didn't care. He was drowning in his regrets. It was all caused because he chose to get involved with those bikers, and now he was living off of stolen money. He hated it, hated his life, his choices, and himself. But it was too late to make things right, he was too deep in it now.

Out of sheer frustration, Billy blurted out "What do you want?" when someone stared at him.

The sudden outburst sent them jumping away, startled. After that, Billy sighed and ordered another scotch. His thoughts were plagued by doubt and uncertainty. He couldn't figure out how he'd get back home, how he'd pay off his debt with the bikers, or what to do with his life. He was overwhelmed with a sense of hopelessness and just wanted to forget it all with alcohol.

Billy was too immersed in his thoughts to notice the subtle change in the lighting, or how the other people in the bar were focused on the stage. The loud electric guitars pierced his ears, drawing his attention toward the stage. He turned his face with annoyance and confusion, trying to make sense of what was happening. The bar was no longer a casual, laid-back environment, but a scene for a performance.

You started playing your guitar abruptly as the cues for the song came in. Your fingers moved gracefully and fluidly to the beats of your bandmates, weaving an intricate mesh of rhythm and melody. Your heart was pounding out of your chest, filled with equal parts of anxiety and excitement as you knew your turn to sing was just a few moments away. You needed to put on a good performance, for the sake of the band and your reputation.

“Your long stares. You don't care. I know you want to. Short breathes a whisper.”

Billy was unsure how to react. Alternative music wasn't his thing, it was too loud and too chaotic. But there was something about the vocalist that captivated him. He couldn't quite explain it - it was as if the sound of your voice and your presence lured him in, taking control of his senses. The sight was addictive, intoxicating, and beautiful. Billy felt a strange tug inside him, urging him closer and closer, and for some reason, he couldn't resist.

Billy grabbed his scotch and navigated through the crowd, pushing people out of his way in a desperate effort to get as close as possible to the stage. The lure of the vocalist was overpowering and he had to get closer, even if it meant trampling on other people. The scotch was the only thing helping him maintain his composure, but all the alcohol in the world couldn't stop his mind from spinning and his heart from pounding.

As the lights change color and intensity, you suddenly notice an unfamiliar face in the crowd. The man is staring at you with a passionate, adoring look, his gaze fixed on you. You're not sure if it's your actual self or your performance persona, but you decide to wink at the cowboy-looking fella, encouraging the admiration. You keep on singing, your voice echoing through the entire bar, but you can't help but be aware of his presence, the intensity of his stare, and the heat his gaze is bringing.

“I wanna have you. Tell me where the night ends.”

Once you winked at Billy he felt so intoxicated, so much that the rest of the world faded. His vision was clouded, and he could see nothing but you. Every movement was hypnotic, and the vocals were perfect. Your voice was calling him, calling him to get closer, and no matter how much he fought it, it overpowered him.

You saw him, and you loved the reaction he had toward you. You couldn't help but smile and shake your head lightly, trying to dismiss him. However, his presence was becoming increasingly hard to ignore. You took a deep breath and belted out the high note, hoping it would catch his attention. But instead of looking at him, you focused on the performance, giving it your all. Despite wanting to acknowledge his admiration, you couldn't afford to lose focus on your performance.

As the song came to an end, the crowd erupted in cheers, their energy and excitement overflowing. You took the microphone and named the band once again, acknowledging the crowd for their support. However, amidst the celebrating and revelry, the mysterious man remained still, his eyes never swaying from you, his gaze fixed and intense.

After the show, you gathered some of your equipment and started cleaning up, but one of your bandmates stopped you in your tracks. "Hey, go get a drink, you deserve it. I'll pay." You wanted to say no, but after the demanding performance and the pressure of trying to impress the cowboy guy, you accepted. Walking to the bar section, your mind wandered back to that man with the intense gaze.

As you turned your head to the right Billy approached you with confidence, settling himself in the seat next to you. His face was full of a sense of determination and conviction as if he'd been waiting for this very moment.

"Hey," he said, as his gaze bore into you, searching for a reaction. "Would you mind if I join you for a drink?"

The way he looked at you instantly sparked a flicker of excitement deep within you. "Sure," you replied with a calm smirk on your face, playing it cool.

“I loved your performance.”

“I'm glad you enjoyed it," you added, your eyes never leaving him for a second. In this moment, he was all you could see.

The details of his appearance, from his bruised knuckles to the way his veiny hands played with the rim of the glass, stirred up something inside you. Your head was wondering about the possibility of what those hands could do, and you were overcome with temptation. The intensity of the heat he was radiating made it impossible to stay seated, and your body was beckoning you to be closer to him.

I'm Billy," he introduced, extending his hand towards you. You shook it, your fingers brushing against his, and felt an electric current run through you. You couldn't help but let your eyes linger on his bruised knuckles, wondering about the story behind them.

You introduced yourself back, your voice low and sultry, matching his intensity. You took a sip from your drink and gestured towards your bandmates. "We usually hang out here after the show, care to join us?"

The heat of his breath hit you, bringing a shiver to your spine. He leaned even closer, his face just inches away from yours. The scent of his cologne was intoxicating, and something about the intensity of this encounter was drawing you closer.

He spoke in a soft yet commanding tone. "I'd love to. But I prefer spending some time alone with you if you don't mind…”

The way he leaned in made you catch your breath, and his words just added to the intensity of the situation. Your mind was going a mile a minute, trying to process what his words meant. You played dumb as if you didn't know exactly what he was implying. You sipped your drink for another moment, hoping to calm your nerves and not appear too flustered.

"What is that supposed to mean?" you asked, acting innocent as you raised an eyebrow.

His gaze was intense, his words low and seductive, bringing a shiver down your spine. You could feel the heat of his body so close to yours.

"It means that I find you irresistible," he said, his voice rumbling through you. "I want to know more about you without prying eyes." He raised his glass to his lips, taking another sip, but his eyes were never leaving yours.

You felt your heart race at his words, a flush spreading across your cheeks. "You know, I'm not sure that's such a good idea," you replied, trying to sound more confident than you felt. You couldn't deny the attraction you felt towards him, but you had to be cautious.

He spoke in a soft yet commanding whisper that made you tremble from the intensity. "Let me show you a good time," he murmured, sending shivers through your body. You were powerless in this moment, swept up by the passion and overwhelming attraction you felt for him.

The heat and tension were overwhelming, and the adrenaline rushed through you as everything unfolded quickly. Before you knew it, you found yourself in the backseat of your car, with Billy next to you. The atmosphere was charged with a sense of forbidden desire and overwhelming chemistry, creating a steamy and passionate atmosphere.

Billy spread, comfortable in the backseat of your car as he looked at you. He was relaxed and confident, but something about the atmosphere still felt forbidden and naughty. His words were flirtatious, with a hint of arrogance, but his tone was teasing and playful. "I don't bite,"

“But what if I want you to?” Your teasing response took things to the next level. It was a simple, yet charged statement, making him wonder just how desperate you were for anything he'd do.

He grabbed the back of your head and pulled you closer, finally giving in to his desire to kiss you. Your bodies were pressed into each other, skin against skin, as the heat and intensity of the moment swelled and surged between you. His kisses were passionate and demanding, leaving your lips tingling. As he sucked and bit into your lower lip, you could feel the sting mixed with the rush of pleasure coursing through your body.

His rough hands gently grazed your neck, not too tightly but firmly enough to leave a lasting impression. The light choking sensation only added to the intensity of the connection.

"You look so good with my hand wrapped around your throat," Billy murmured.

With shaking hands, you tugged at his belt buckle, desperate to feel his heat against your fingertips. As you pulled his pants down, his cock sprung free, twitching in anticipation. It was even bigger and thicker than you imagined, and your mouth watered at the thought of tasting him.

You leaned in closer, taking in his musky scent as you wrapped your lips around the head of his cock. Your tongue swirled around the sensitive skin, tasting the mixture of pre-cum and salty skin. With each passing moment, you took more of him into your mouth, savoring the feel of his hardness against your softness.

Your hands roamed over his thighs, up his abdomen, and finally rested on his chest, feeling the rapid thud of his heartbeat against your palms. His hips bucked forward, pushing his cock deeper into your throat, and you gagged slightly before pulling back to catch your breath.

With a lustful growl, he reached down and gripped your hair, pulling your head back towards his cock. "Suck it," he demanded, his voice rough with need. You complied, taking him deeper into your throat, bobbing your head up and down as you worked him.

You could feel his length throbbing in your mouth, his desire pulsing through you. His hands were in your hair, guiding you as you bobbed your head up and down, taking him deeper into your throat. You could feel him twitching, and the sensation was overwhelming.

Billy's breath hitched, and he groaned, his hips bucking against your mouth. "Fuck, you're good at this," he whispered, his voice thick with need. "I've never had anyone suck me off like this before."

With a moan of pleasure, you pulled back slightly, your eyes never leaving Billy's. His cock twitched in anticipation as he gripped your wrists tightly with his belt. You couldn't help but grin, the feeling of being restrained only adding to the excitement.

"Please," You whispered around his hardness. "Do it." You begged, your voice shaky with desire. With that, Billy pushed your wrists together even tighter, the leather digging into your skin. The pain was nothing compared to the pleasure you felt as he thrust his hips forward, driving his cock deeper into your mouth.

You sucked harder, taking him as far down your throat as you could. His hips pounded against your face, the slapping sound echoing in the car. Slowly, he pulled your head back, releasing your mouth from him.

Billy’s hand closed around the leather belt that encircled your wrist. With a swift tug, he pulled you closer to him, the rough texture of the belt against your bare skin sending shivers down your spine.

As he sat you on his lap, his hard cock, already leaking precum, rubbed against your entrance. You could feel the heat emanating from it, the anticipation of what was to come almost unbearable.

He spat into his hands, the saliva glistening in the dim light. With rough fingers, he spread the moisture around your entrance, preparing you for his entry. You arched your back instinctively, begging for him to take you.

Finally, he positioned himself, his cockhead teasing. With a forceful thrust, he pushed inside you, filling you up in one swift motion. You cried out in a mix of pleasure and pain, your body adjusting to the sudden intrusion. His hips pounded against your back, driving him deeper with each passing second.

“Your thighs are shaking so much,” Billy added.

You couldn't help but laugh, your body still adjusting to the sensation of him inside you. "I can't help it," you panted. "It's been a while since I've been fucked this hard."

Billy's hips pounded harder, his thrusts growing more demanding. Each time he pushed into you, the sensation was overwhelming. You gripped the seat, your nails digging into the rough fabric, as you arched your back, begging for more.

Your breath hitched as you watched him, his eyes locked onto yours. His voice was thick with lust as he groaned, "You feel so good. I'm not going to last much longer."

"Don't stop," you whispered, your voice shaking with desire. "I want you to come inside me."

The words sent a jolt of excitement through him, and he thrust into you harder. His cock throbbed inside you, filling you to the brim. With a primal roar, Billy let himself go, emptying himself inside you.

"Damn, that was good," Billy panted, his breath ragged as he pulled out of you. You could feel the stickiness of his come between your legs, the evidence of your passion.

You grinned, your heart racing. "I'm glad you enjoyed it," you said, your voice low and sultry. "But I think it's time for me to go."

“No,” Billy wrapped his arms around you, his body leaning into you as his lips kissed your back. The way he held you was comforting and protective, but there was also a sense of possessive desire in his behavior.

“How about we go back to my place?”

It was clearly what Billy was trying to do. His question brought you back to reality, and the urge to be alone with him for the rest of the night overtook you. You wanted to go with him, to be with him, to be his, at least for the whole night.

“Fine.”

The heat and excitement of the moment had passed, but the passion and desire remained. You quickly changed back into your clothes, adjusting them as best as you could. Billy followed your example, getting himself ready as he sat next to you in the passenger seat.

“Good,” He leaned in again, pressing his lips against yours, taking control of the situation. That single kiss was an indication of what was to come.

“because I’m not done with you.”

Thank you so much for reading! Hope you enjoyed this 🫶🏻 … Part 2?

If you only want to see my smut work, consider following @xxxcherryerim where I reblog my work!

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[bryverros]

YAP MY LIEGE WHAT ARE THE HAPPENINGS IN THY KINGDOM

im going to be real immature on main so turn a blind eye guys

so. my beloved firefighter show. first, a brief introduction to the massive fandom drama. we have buck, eddie and tommy. buck and eddie are best friends since season 2 episode 1 (we are on season 8), tommy becomes an important(?) character in season 7.

- buck and tommy are canonically in a relationship. i want them broken up asap. its not even personal. i just dont think they work, even all the buckandeddie theories aside. and if they do break up, i will call it a win and clap my hands jollily. their fanbase is honestly making me feel stupid because theyre acting like bucktommy is this soulmates endgame couple and i tried seeing it. but i just dont.

exhibit 1. eddie appears in practically every single bucktommy scene. and when he didnt appear directly, he sure as hell was mentioned. a lot. which??? weird??? considering the fact that bucktommy are supposed to be in a relationship and very in love. like maybe i dont know shit about dating but im pretty sure that its objectively weird to include the best friend in all scenes the couple has. so far, in s8, buck and tommy had one (1) scene. and it had eddie in it.

then there’s the whole weird thing on how buck and tommy got together in the first place and one might argue that buck was trying to get eddie’s attention, not tommy’s. so like yeah eddie sure is haunting their narrative a lot and for seemingly no reason which kind of stops me from feeling attached to the ship. which i tried initially before i started praying on their breakup.

- in the scenes buck and tommy (+eddie. cant forget that he was there) did have. sigh. their dynamics is just weird. first of all, tommy is older than buck. like, he was in the flashbacks of the older coworkers (he was kind of racist and kind of homophobic and misogynistic in those too, but ok ill let that pass, people change blah blah). and he called buck kid before they got together. which. sigh. im generally against age gaps i dont fw that stuff and theyre not letting me forget that they do have an age gap. but fine, ill put the age gap aside. theyre both adults so yk. surely it wont be THAT bad. alas. it is. moving to the next exhibit

exhibit 2. the bachelor party. so buck is really excited to organise this themed party for their his brother in law (a dude tommy was kind of racist towards in the flashback btw). the theme is. 80s. buck and eddie do matching costumes (suggested by eddie. very enthusiastically)! matching each others freak! yay! what does tommy do. he arrives in a henley. and as a person who kind of relates to buck in a way that i get excited about things. tommy’s low effort uninterestingness wouldve kind of been hurtful to me? like the way he casually kind of discarded that excitement buck had about this party was giving “im not interested in your interests babe 🫶” and from personal experience! not nice! and buck already had like a shit ton of self esteem issues and like yeah im projecting but please please break up w tommy you deserve better buck please

- name. so evan buckley has been going by buck. everyone calls him buck except his parents (bad. he doesnt like that) and his sister. sometimes. tommy calls him evan all the fucking time. which feels. condescending. i do not like it in the slightest. break up bucktommy. for me. please.

now! onto the clowning part.

ok look. buck and eddie. theyre so special. their friendship is so special. and if they go canon. that would be absolutely historical. like a queer non established from the beginning romance? that has 6+ years of shared history? they were friends before they were lovers and they could be THE friends to lovers in my eyes. and look if they dont go romantic, i really wont be that sad? their friendship kind of remains regardless so like while i do think it would be bold and take some good writing to have them go down the romantic line. i also do really cherish their friendship. but i am strongly gaslit that they will go romantic. to the point where i fear that im clowning about it.

- the actor playing buck recently said that he wants some slowburn for buck. some will they wont they kind of relationship. that the audience will have to yearn for. like my man your character is in a relationship and that relationship came together in, let me check… 2 episodes? slowburn? bucktommy? i have a VERY hard time believing that. there were a whole bunch of other quotes that could be interpreted as bucktommy breakup (yay 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶). like you dont see any other member of the cast speaking about their love interest the same way this man does about tommy.

- the episodes 5 and 6 are centred on buck and eddie respectively. episode 5 will have tommy “weirded out by something about buck” (surprise surprise). episode 6 is called confessions. eddie has a lot of potential queer coding (eddie: “i just hate having to date. it feels like i have to perform”; someone else about eddies relationship: “just make sure youre following your heart. not christopher’s [his son]” ahh stuff). and episode 6 is centred on him. it also is coming out on nov 7th, 2 days after the infamous destiel election day. so having eddies coming out in that episode would be the funniest thing ever. and the marketing for these episodes is driving me insane. like. will they. wont they. will they. wont they. i feel like im clowning so hard but i also feel like i cant be wrong about this stuff yk? too many coincidences?

so yeah. episode 5 is coming out today. wish me luck (bucktommy breakup ⁉️)

[javisjeanjacket]

Hard to Find - ( joel miller x reader)

A/N: I didn’t wanna do it to ya, but something about a dirty sweaty emotionally scarred dilf man...I JUST CANT STAY AWAY!! Anyway this is a lot of build-up and backstory laying and in part two there will be less of that, more action and ~drama~. But for now, enjoy :)

also!! I’ve not played the game, i’m only watching the show as it comes out so no spoilers pls!!

Word count: 1.6K

Warnings: descriptions of the night of the outbreak (a lady gets bitten, puke is mentioned briefly, blood is mentioned briefly), canon-esque action, feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious are described but not heavily focused on, the relationship with Joel is ~complex~

He remembers you from before. He remembers how easily smiles used to come to you and how kind you always were to Sarah. 

You are not like that now.

He’s not like he used to be either. 

You were with him when he lost her; you saw the unyielding nothingness infect him and the hopelessness settle into the cracks in his skin. Joel changed after he lost Sarah; he was no longer the hot handy neighbor who helped you hang up your Christmas lights every year. He was barely a functioning human at all. 

The past ten years, you had tried to be there for Joel when he needed you. He would spill his guts to you, trembling and crying until he fell asleep with his head in your lap, and then wake up the next morning, make you coffee and pretend like nothing happened. Other nights he would call you, take your hand as soon as you walked in his door, and look at you with big, brown, helpless eyes. You would stroke his cheek or rub your thumb over his and he would lean in for a gentle kiss that lead to the two of you in his bed, his hands worshiping every dip and curve of your body, that then lead to him making you coffee and eventually moving in with him. You knew Sarah, and you had known him, and you were the only part of his old self that he could remember anymore. He refused to call you his partner, but keeping you safe was more important to him than his own life. 

You didn't really know why you were doing what you were doing. Picking up ingredients to cook a dinner for a man you adored, who you suspected adored you too, but refused to acknowledge it. Often, you thought of just up and leaving the QZ and Joel behind, heading for anywhere else that people might be, in an effort to stifle how you felt about Joel and to garner enough self respect to stop yourself from letting him use you. 

‘But I couldn’t leave him.’ you thought to yourself. ‘Why not?’ You argued. ‘If a better opportunity came along wouldn’t Joel just leave you?’ You bit your lip and tried to focus on the rations you were putting in your pack. ‘It’s not worth thinking about. Not anymore.’

“Get down!” A voice rang out suddenly over the market square. 

“Shit!” You cursed and bent down to shield yourself using the vegetable pasta stall. 

The sounds of a grenade detonating reverberated off the brick and you braced yourself for impact. Debris violently flew through the square, crashing and bouncing all around you. Brick shot through the pasta stall and broke into smaller pieces when it crashed to the ground before you. You whimpered and closed your eyes. A flash from that night, Joel’s birthday, September 26th 2003, played in your mind. 

The movie theater. 

Midnight Madness was playing.

Your co-worker came stumbling out of the building, covered in blood. 

Your first instinct was to grab Joel’s shoulder and point them out to him, ask him to stop. 

Joel didn’t stop for the family with a baby, he wouldn’t stop for a grown adult covered in blood. 

Your coworker grabbed a woman fleeing nearby and latched onto the screaming woman’s neck. Her mouth filled with blood and it spilled down her turquoise top. The turquoise was so pretty, you recalled. Accented even more by the crimson of her blood. You rolled down your window and puked out of the side of Tommy’s truck. 

You opened your eyes. Dust had settled in your hair and over your skin. The market was in shambles around you and the stall behind you was blown to smithereens. The robot FEDRA installed to run the market booths looked to be beat to hell, which put a smirk on your face. Swallowing against your dry throat, you looked to find a way out of the square and back to Joel’s apartment. You found one and started to move towards the street when you heard the clatter of boots upon pavement, working as one unit. You heard the shift of guns in hands and cursed to yourself. 

“Fuck me.” 

Your only chance to escape was to wait until the firefight started and then run for it while they’re all focused on each other. You turned instead, to the destroyed robot. You hunkered down behind it and pulled your body as close to yourself as you could, making as small of a target as possible. Moments passed in silence, then some angered shouts of ‘Free Boston now!’, and then the exchanging of shots started. You jumped when the first shot was fired and took that as your cue to make a run for it. Your chest pounded as you ran towards the sidewalk, your pack shook from side to side and your heart felt like it was in your ears. You turned the corner away from the market and a spray of bullets marked where your feet had just been. Your breath stuck in your throat and chills ran over your body. Turning from the fight, you fled towards Joel’s apartment. The streets were abandoned already, people safe in their homes, helpless but to watch the chaos unfold in the city below them. 

You came to Joel’s building and twisted your pack around to grab your key from the bag. You hand trembled as you tried to fit it in the lock and you almost left it in the door after you unlocked it. Hurrying up the steps towards the second floor, your lungs seemed to be shrinking. Air couldn’t reach them quick enough and your vision was becoming blurry. You turned the corner on the second floor and almost ran to Joel’s apartment. Pressing your hand to the dingy door, you unlocked the apartment and hurried inside, shutting it tightly behind you. You closed your eyes and let yourself sag against the door. You covered your mouth with your hand as a wild sob climbed up and out of you. Clenching your eyes shut, you sank to your knees and tried to catch your breath, but your chest was heaving too quickly. The world seemed to be spinning around you. 

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Joel’s voice cut through the chaos in your mind. 

You felt his big hand, warm and tender on your knee, and sensed him close to you. You opened your eyes to find him bent down next to you, his dark eyes intense and focused solely on yours. Before you could stop yourself, you reached out and wrapped your arms around him, tucking your face into his neck and letting your tears fall onto his shirt.

He was tense a moment, then allowed himself to soften for you, his hand snaking under your pack to rub up and down your back. “Tell me what happened.” He whispered.

You tried to force yourself to catch your breath, breathing when Joel breathed and closing your eyes, but the trembling wouldn’t stop. “I’m sorry.” You replied. 

He pressed a soft kiss to your hair and then pulled you closer. “It’s okay, just breathe.” He shifted you so that he could lift you up, then carried you both to bed. He laid you down softly and then took your pack for you and hung it on the hook by the door. 

You felt emotion well in your eyes so you distracted yourself with taking off your boots. A tear fell onto your laces just as Joel re-appeared in front of you. 

“Lay down.” He said, and motioned with his head towards the bed. 

You looked up at him, all of you tender and vulnerable and raw, and did as he said.

He reached down and took your boots off for you, placing them one after the other beside the front door as well. You watched him and bit the inside of your lip; did he know he was your whole world? Did he feel how beloved he was?

He took his boots off as well and sat them beside yours, then stripped down to his boxers before climbing into bed next to you.

You both turned to face each other once you were safe under the covers and Joel reached for your hand under the sheets. “You okay?”

“I-” You let out a deep breath and tried to keep your breathing steady, “I wanted to make you dinner.”

“You don’t need to do that, darlin’.”

“I know, but I wanted to get us special food to make and-”

“You weren’t there when the square was attacked, were you?!” Joel’s head lifted from the pillow and his eyebrows furrowed in concern. He had heard the commotion from the apartment and didn’t think anything of it, you had said you had to work late. 

You looked at him with big, watery eyes and nodded yes. 

Joel frowned and grumbled deep in his chest. He scooted closer to you and wrapped his arm around your torso. “I don’t need to tell you that was stupid.” 

You slotted your face in just below his chin and pressed your body against his. Breathing was coming easier to you now. “I wasn’t being stupid, it was just a random attack.” 

Joel grumbled again and ran his hand up and down over your back. “Still.”

You smiled gently and took in a shuddering breath. “Next time a secret organization launches a random attack, I’ll make sure I know in advance.”

Joel huffed and pressed you closer. “Good.”

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[challenger-fan-club]

Breakpoint part 1

Making Patrick jealous with Art at his tennis match

You cant help but smile when you look at him. It doesn't matter how mad you are at him. You look at Patrick Zweigs face and it just makes you melt. He makes you laugh and smile and ache with love. You're in love with him and he's so aware of it. He flirts back with you. You think it's to keep boosting his ego, because he can't stop himself. You see him across the room, networking with his friends, with fellow colleagues and you're in awe of his personality. Everyone seems to want to talk to him, to be him, to be with him. You met Patrick through a friend and you talk, you flirt, he asks you to come to his parties, his games but then nothing happens. You watch him make the move on other girls but then he keeps texting you late at night and you get your hopes up all over again. You've done everything except take all your clothes off and get into bed with him but he still doesn't seem to notice that you want him. Or he does notice and he doesn't care. Either way, the situation hurts.

"Who are you playing today Zweig?" He makes the effort to come across the room and see you before the match. He points out his opponent and makes some comment about how he knows hes going to win. "My friends aren't coming to watch today, you can have their seats if you want, better view of me beating this guy." You smiled as he offered you the physical passes. "Oh wow, that would be great, thanks Patrick. Arts usually playing so he doesn't get to watch a lot, especially in the VIP box." Your comment stops him in his tracks. "Art? Art Donaldson?" His usual joking demeanor changes slightly. "You know, the guy I've been talking to on tinder. He's coming today so I said I would meet up with him." Patrick tries to brush it off. "Oh, I didn't realize." You thought you could sense his reluctance to hand over the passes. You wondered if there was a hint of jealousy in this tone. "Well you look great... not that you don't always look great but anyway, yeah, have a great match, I mean, I'll have a great match, you enjoy watching and have a fun date I guess." He was rambling as he was edging away from the conversation. "Good luck Zweig." You pulled him for a hug, trying to be a good friend as you take his VIP passes.

You meet up with Art. He's cute, he's sweet and you've been talking for a little while and decided to invite him to the game. You didn't really think he would be interested in the game. It may have crossed your mind that it might make Patrick slightly jealous... or slightly work harder because being a puppy following him around and being in love with him wasn't getting his attention in the way you wanted.

You sat at the start of the match, right behind his opponent. You watch the first match (without Patrick) but watch him on the sidelines. He keeps trying to catch your eye but you're too busy trying to pretend that Art has all your attention. You sit with your arms folded, pushing your body slightly towards Art. Everything he says, you laugh a little bit to hard at. You move the hair away from your face and play for it a little. The game ends. It's Patrick game now.

You sit forward and acknowledge the game is changing. Usually you would be clapping and shouting for your friend. You are still playing with your hair and your eyes are forward as you watch Patrick get himself ready to play. Art leans in and starts whispering in your ear and you are grinning whilst you watch Patrick. You look back at Art and everyone around you starts clapping as the first serve starts but you put your hand on Art strong shoulders. You peer at the big screen which is zoomed into Patrick to see why people are clapping and it feels like Patricks eyes are burning in on you. You laugh again as Art leans in closer and whispers in your ear again. "You look so pretty right now. I'm glad you invited me here" He goes to reach his arm around you. Patrick sees you looking at him and makes him missing the ball as it gets sent out of bounds. "OH COME ON." He wants to break his racket. The jealousy starts to get to him as you and Art start to ignore the game more and get lost in a conversation. You snap your head between your date and Patrick as you see Patrick losing. You can't help but think it has something to do with your date. You and Art watch as he breaks his tennis racket and the announcement deducting points for unsportman-like conduct. Art pulls you closer and gives you a kiss.

For a moment, you forget where you are. You forget about Patrick and you sink into the kiss. It was a great kiss and you feel Art's hand on your neck as he wants to get more and more of you. You back away to get a breath before you pass out. You see that Patrick can't win this back and that he misses the last shot and walks off the court. "Do you want to get a drink or something to eat?" Art is so sweet and you agree. You take his hand and leave the courts. You barely get out the venue before Patrick is in you and Arts face. "What the fuck are you thinking?" He gets close to Art. "What the fuck are you playing at?" Art is still holding your hand and he grasps it a little tighter. "Patrick, whats wrong?" He looks as confused as you are. "MY BEST FRIEND COMING TO MY GAME TO HOOK UP WITH THE GIRL I LIKE?" You and Art look at each other. "Firstly, calm your voice down. How the fuck was I supposed to know? You've literally never mentioned any names." Patrick looks more furious. "YOU FUCKING KNEW. AND YOU FUCKING KNEW." He pulls his attention to you and he's pointed at both of you. "I didn't know...." You say weakly. "You've never acted any form of interested in me, I didn't even know that you knew Art." Any arguments or justification that you have to calm him down, only riles him up worse.

"IT'S JUST A CONSCIENCE THAT YOU AND MY BEST FRIEND ARE PRACTICALLY FUCKING IN MY BOX AT MY GAME?" Art tries to take control of the situation. "We kissed, don't take this out on us because you lost." Patrick takes no hesitation in punching Art to the face. You cry out as Art hits the ground and Patrick turns and storms off. You know, you've really fucked up the situation somehow.

[louscartridge]

⇢ ˗ˏˋselenite

han jisung x gn reader

cw- could be really fucking triggering!! selfharm (cutting, burning, hitting, nail/skin picking, working out), comfort, cuddling, reader and jisung say ily, crying, reader goes on a vent, reader has a bit of an anger and pain problem.

han could tell you were having a hard time with staying clean.

the way you would bite your nails and the skin around them more than usual, the way you would bite the inside of your mouth and tongue all the time, they way you would hit your thighs whenever you would get mad. you wouldn’t tell him anything about it though, you didn’t have to.

when han got back to the dorms, he didn’t expect to see you there at all, let alone see you with your arms hugging your knees to your chest, head buried inbetween them and sobbing silently.

han quickly sets his bag down next to the door and makes his way over to you on his bunk. “jagiya, whats wrong?” he asks carefully.

of course he’d had ideas of what might be wrong, but he also couldn’t know for sure if he was correct. he knew that if he was right, he needed to at least try to help you in some way, but he also knew if he was way off, he had to tread around it carefully.

you take in a long, shaky breath before answering. “i cant do it anymore ji”

jisung’s heart dropped at your words.

“do what anymore?”

“stay clean. i hate it. all of it. everyone keeps telling me i’ve been nicer since i’ve been clean.” you wiped your eyes with your hoodie sleeve before continuing. “which is bullshit, by the way, i dont think i’ve been acting any different. i’m mad. all the time. i mean, i was before but whenever i would get mad i was able to do something about it. now? i can’t do shit.”

your crying begins to stop as you speak and the anger in your voice slowly increases.

“felix keeps telling me i can still do something about it, it’ll just be healthy now. which yeah, you could say that- but it’s stupid. ive tried other things, healthy things. but nothing works. pain was.. is, the only thing that actually helps me. with everything.  pain is the only thing that would bring me back. i would cut and burn and hit to feel it. to see it. to see and feel that i’m real. it would bring my anger back down. i would punch a wall so hard my hand would hurt, i would throw something so hard to where my shoulder would ache. pain is the only fucking way and now i can’t even do that. i need to relapse soon or i swear to god i’m gonna go fucking insane.”  

“changbin hyung says i can go to the gym with him, which i think i might do.”

jisung did nothing but gaze at you and listen until he was sure you were done. something he knew no one ever really did in your life.

when you finished and looked at him, he prepared his response.

“i know you hate it, but it’ll be worth it. eventually. and you have been nicer, to an extent.” han said and moved so he was sat next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

“i’m pretty sure thats just how you are though.” he laughs. “and felix is right, in a way. you can still do something about it, it’ll just be healthy. it might feel like it doesn’t do anything but you just gotta get used to it and you will. it’s just gonna take time and this is the hardest part. you gotta put the effort in - you can’t just do something once and expect it to work overnight, you have to put work into it for it to have an affect on your life. something you do a lot is rely on other people.”

“oh but i thought-” you began.

jisung cut you off, knowing what he had said sounded harsh and knowing what you were going to say. ‘oh, but i thought you were ok with that’.

“you can rely on me all you want, that’s fine, as long as you know its not exactly heathy. but you can’t really do that with other people. i know pain has always been a big thing for you, has been since we met. but it’s not something that you should keep doing and you know it. do you think you’ll be able to trust yourself to work out with changbin without turning it into self-harm again?”

“i don’t know, thats why i haven’t gone with him yet. i think if i do it with someone else i would be able to. but probably not if i were to work out by myself.”

han sighed and went to say something but you didn’t let him.

“can we just go to sleep please? i’m so tired and i miss you.” you ask, your voice getting quiet.

“of course jagi.”

han moves behind you and spoons you as you both lay down.

you bury your face in his arms that encircle you.

“i love you. so much. so does chan, and felix, and everyone else in this dorm. just not as much as i do obviously.” han says quietly.

the last part of his sentence made you giggle.  

“you’re becoming yourself again. it might not feel like it yet, but i can see it in you.” han says and kisses your shoulder.

“i love you.” you whisper, kissing his hands as you both fall asleep.

[edible-star-soup]

“how can i feel so much love for everyone around me but its not romantic”

“How can I feel so much for people but every time I think it’s romantic I don’t actually like them and I’m just delusional”

“oh”

“Yours must suck so bad. I can’t even imagine loving and feeling things for people but it never being romantic. I do like people on the infatuation level sometimes but because I analyze them so in depth there’s always something that icks me out. I don’t think I’ve ever really loved someone tho. I’m a firm believer in if you loved them you wouldn’t fall out of love with them. You can move on, but you’ll always love them.”

“we are so different”

“why?”

“just our beliefs and experiences”

“oh”

“maybe you need to stop analyzing things that are only there for you, see what theyre showing, instead of what you think you see”

“No I analyze what they’re showing. Cause when you ignore your instincts that’s when you get hurt.”

“oh”

“i dont go like psycho crazy in depth like learn their every aspect to analyze them. Just like the orange peel theory”

“the what?”

“You ask them if they’ll peel an orange for you, If they say yes, even if with hesitation, it shows that they will put effort in. If they straight up say no or make excuses, it shows they don’t wanna put effort in because that’s your job. Anyways I don’t know how to explain my thinking but like I don’t analyze everything. Like ofc there’s people that are date material I just don’t like them. Cause everyone has mistakes so yknow. It’s not like every little mistake or imperfection matters but”

“ill never get you”

“ill never get me either. Maybe i should just mess around and have fun kissing everybody like you do”

“idk man i guess i just feel like maybe im falling behind, i feel so much for so many people and i want to love them like a lover would and make them feel happy like a lover would, and i feel bad knowing that everyone will always have someone that will make them happier than i do. no matter what i do about it, i cant love them like they want. and its worse because someone will put into words all they want in someone to love and ill be everything they list but i just, cant love them”

“oh”

“no because i feel romance i fall in love with everything around me all the time and i know what its like to want and to love and be loved but its just not a romance like how others perceive it. i have so much feeling for absolutely everything, but its just not what somebody wants to be with, because i cant love them like they want, but i do.”

“I don’t know how to explain how I feel, I like people and there are people that I would date if given a chance but I don’t like them. I don’t desire to be with anyone but I crave romance. I don’t like people very often but on occasion I do, But I don’t wanna do anything about it because I’d rather sit with my feelings than lose that one ray of hope”

“oh my god were different”

“yeah were different”

“i think everytime we talk personally we get more and more different, or just find more differences”

“Like there’s nobody I want romantically but I WANT a love life. And when I do want someone I can’t do anything about it cause the only time I feel human is when I like someone and I don’t like not feeling human. i just float around. like a damn jellyfish. But when I like someone I feel like I exist. So I can’t do anything about it because if and when they say they don’t like me back they’ll disappear and I’ll be inhuman again. i dont know how to explain it better than that. i just want to feel man. Like ofc I occasionally feel real. But most things just don’t feel real at all.”

“i promise theres more humanity in you than just your feelings for others, if that helps”

[im-smart-i-swear]

tfw youre trying to reconsile with your estranged '''''twin''''''' after months of avoiding each other (their fault)(they were a dick to you)(and shot you) but they just cant stop making it weird & about how theyre a terrible person

i think these twos relationship is very interesting. at the begenning buddy treated kuro like shit bc they were projecting their self-hate and guilt on him, also exasparated by them being technically twins. later kuro moved out bc of that and the two of them didnt see each other again for months.

when they met again buddy apologised but they didnt really form any deep relationship. they are both uncomfortable with each others presence due to how their relationship started & the imposed familial status that neither of them feels good about.

buddy feels guilty for how they treated kuro, they are also aware that this is just another failure in a long line of their failures. they know they fucked up, theyre used to that feeling at this point, and they simply accept that fact. theyre sorta weirdly apathetic about the whole thing when meeting kuro again - they made peace with what theyve done wrong and are just trying to do damage control atp.

basically they said 'i know what i did to you was fucked up and im sorry. i have a history of fucking things up and i did it again. im trying to be better and i fail time and time again but i will try again anyway, even if theres a huge possibility ill just mess up again. im trying to set things right and ill disappear from your life if thats what you want. you dont have to forgive me or like me. im sorry' (<-also notice how this apology is still sorta centered around how bad of a person bud is and not what they put kuro through. buds self-loathing is still shining through here even as they are trying to set things straight. in their effort to try and explain their thought process they accidentally focused on the wrong thing!!!! they dont really mean it that way but to kuro thats what it comes off as)

kuro used to hate or at least heavily dislike bud for a long time and thinks theyre a self centered asshole and also just plainly annoying. even the apology he got from them after months of radio silence on both ends didnt feel like enough to him. it felt like buddy was just using the apology as an opportunity to say 'im a bad person. sorry for that lol it will propably happen again, do with this info what you will'. it pisses him off a bit and he propably yells at buddy for it, who is very apologetic and just takes it, which just pisses kuro even more bc he WANTS a confrontation, hes angry and hurt and is airing out his frustrations at bud and he wants a reaction but he gets none. buddy knows very well what they did and are treating this as a sort of righteus punishment

so overall. i think their relationship is just kinda like this for a few years - long periods of avoiding each other interspersed with a few outbursts (sometimes kuro starts and sometimes bud does). after a few more years i feel like things might start being better, but thats only bc they both gradually grow as people sepeartely, which just has the side effect of making them both more chill. maaaaybe after a decade or two the animosity stops and they become friendly with each other but i dont rlly think they ever get to Twin Level Closeness. at that point both of them have their own fullfilling lives and are fine with things as they are

...or maybe not. idk man im still working shit out so this might all change and in a few months this whole rant will be ooc and innacurate, who knows! i certainly dont

(Also the doodle at the top isn't meant to portray The Apology itself, its just a little scene i thought was neat, dunno where exactly it (or if it even) falls on Da Timeline)

[theworldibuilt4you]

It's… Kinda weird, yeah.

[Addie laughed lightly, envisioning an exaggerated scene of rows upon rows of these freakishly huge snakes in fancy display cages, and humans lining up around the block just for the chance to get one.]

But, also endearing… Your people sound very kind, to care so deeply about other creatures…

[They were losing themselves to thought, when Casey's comment pulled them out.]

Huh-?

[They tried to pinpoint what Casey was talking about, but they didn't see anything out of the ordinary. If they had to guess, it kind of looked like Sonny was looking right at them, but maybe he had a terminal up?]

[A terminal… Centered right on them… That he was smiling at…]

[Slowly, experimentally, they began to gesture toward themselves. As far as they knew, what they were thinking of wasn't exactly possible before, but he was admin now…]

Ahah… Um... Are… You looking at me, sunshine…?

[It felt a bit presumptuous to assume like that, but they couldn't help the hopeful look in their eyes, their free hand shyly teasing the hem of their shirt.]

-Addie

"Oh yes... It's a common saying that humans will try to pet anything! Lots of humans take in some... more dangerous pets just because they cant help their love... gets them hurt. But many snakes are non venemous, and trust their humans back, so theres no issues with keeping docile ones... some are more suited to be left alone however."

[His eyes definitely seemed to move when Addie made the gesture, the pupils following their hand for a moment. It was only then did he realize how intently he was staring, and his cheeks seemed to flair up with heat.]

"I-I...- Uhm..-"

[He averts his gaze. Was it too much? Was it too much eyecontact? Too little? He hasn't talked to another person face to face in such a long time. Was he being off putting in any way?]

"I...I was.. y-yes. I... couldn't make you out before this.. It was... it took a lot of effort to see beyond the- through the..-"

[He averts his gaze, picking at his cuticles]

"But now its... so easy... I couldn't help just..-"

[He shakes his head]

"Never mind, never- I.. I can stop. I apologize, I.. I should have said something, should have told you that I could..-"

"...Heh. you guys are so gushy. It almost makes me sick."

[recreationaldivorce]

man it is seriously depressing remembering how excited i was when i first got my bottom surgery referral multiple years ago now like things were finally looking up i was so excited to finally get surgery after waiting my entire life i was constantly browsing bottom surgery forums to read other ppls account of their recovery etc. i really couldnt wait to feel comfortable in my own skin and be able to have sex the way i wanted and be able to shower with the lights on and all that. and then that was all taken away from me. and all that imagining post-op life that made me so excited is so painful now bc i know it is so far off and possibly i'll never be able to have it bc the nhs can just arbitrarily take it away from me again on the whim of one doctor.

cant stop thinking about emigrating cause i know i would literally get bottom surgery faster if i moved to another country and went through their processes despite the fact that my initial gic referral was in 2017 lol. even if i got my bottom surgery referral today (realistically i won't be re-referred for like another decade p much, and no they won't let me keep my old place in the bottom surgery waiting list, i checked many times with gdnrss lol) it still might be faster to emigrate. i know that a friend of mine who was recommended for bottom surgery in 2019 recently had surgery (she's a trans woman, im aware the waiting times are an order of magnitude longer for masculinising bottom surgery bc of the nhs fucking up the st peters contract too) and like i definitely know foreign surgeons with wayy faster turnaround than that, although im not sure how quickly i could become a citizen to become eligible for those countries' healthcare systems. maybe i could take advantage of my british passport privileges idk how much easier that would make it. but anyway i've been on and off thinking about moving to cuba since i was 16 anyway for anti-imperialist reasons, and ofc they have free bottom surgery there. ive have stayed put bc i think there needs to be communists in the imperial core too to sabotage imperialist efforts to crush revolutions abroad if nothing else bc the british people are so impotent lol, but like damn if britain doesnt keep giving me reason after reason to leave this shitty place

[violentviolette]

Do you have any tips on comforting people, or something along those lines? I have noticed a significant tendency of people to infodump on me, and then start upping the pity-seeking ante when I don't hem and haw. It's super annoying, and I'm curious if you've experienced the same.

i used to get that a lot, but i dont as much anymore because i make it clear im not going to respond to those kinds of things especially from people i dont know well i personally dont care about looking like a dick, so i'll hit people with an "aw man that sucks ass" and call it a day if we're not close and if they continue or press on i will just stop responding and move on. if they become especially insistent or rude i'll hit them with a "yea man idk what to tell u that sucks"

if its someone who i do know well or who i do care about tho, then i'll put in more effort and if it seems like what im doing or how im responding isn't helping, i'll ask what it is they need or are looking for more specifically. things like "do u want some words of comfort and reassurance or do u want some help/support in looking for solutions?" or "is there something that would help make u feel better in this moment that i can do?" a lot of times that last one helps a lot cause people will either have something in mind and then feel comfortable asking since uve offered, or it'll help them realize they dont and just needed someone to listen while they talked, which then takes the pressure off u to respond differently but mostly i find that ppl are usually looking for reassurance and comradiere so i start out with that. things like reassuring them they arent being ridiculous for being upset and that their feelings are important and they deserve to feel heard. phrases like "no ur so valid i would be so mad/upset/hurt if someone did that to me too" or "thats really unfair and such bullshit of them" "there are so many better ways they could have handled that" "u deserve respect and consideration and they just walked all over ur feelings" for more general words of comfort i usually go for things like "thats miserable im giving u so much soup" "i am mentally wrapping u a warm blanket" "u deserve so many little treats for dealing with that bullshit" and other kinds of things like that

obviously its best to engage thoughtfully with what theyre saying and be specific if its someone u care about, so those are more generic/generalized examples and its better to be more specific to their exact situation but thats the general vibe

but i think the most important thing is realizing u dont have to do that and its okay to say so. not everyone is good at everything and not all friends are for venting to. i usually use the example of a soda fountain. if ur looking for sprite, u dont push the coke tab and then get mad when u dont get what u want. and so similarly, if ppl are looking for something specific, they should go to the friend who is best at providing that. i'm the kind of person who'se more solution oriented and less good at demonstrative sympathy. if u want someone to go "oh u poor baby come here let me hug u and tell u its gonna be alright and ur so brave and strong" a dozen times in a row then u should go to someone else. but if u want help finding solutions and working ur way out of a problem or figuring out how best to stand up for urself, then im a great person to come to and i'll be happy to help u talk it out and find words to express ur feelings to others.

because its okay to say "i cant provide what ur looking for, so u'll have more success looking to someone else for this" and any genuinely well meaning person will understand that. because ur not being mean, ur being honest and letting them know what u can and cant provide so that they can get the best results theyre looking for

and if they get mad at u for that then frankly, theyre a dick and its not worth putting in the effort to cater to them. u arent responsible for other peoples feelings that have nothing to do with u and it's not ur job to provide emotional support on demand and to their satisfaction with zero reguard for ur own personal needs and limitations

[triglycercule]

Hello The mtt connoisseur, what do you think horror and dusts opinions on killers stages? Like seperatly (what do they think of stage 1, what do they think of stage 3 ...since they all act differently)

aghhhh dreaded killer related questions because as of right now my mind cant keep track of him and his lore and charactization. yeah i can admit my flaws,,, i'm not a PERFECT mtt fan i have my flaws and shift favorites from time to time. i remember back in march or something when killer was all i could think of. the olden days. anyways probably too focused on horror and dust as of rn BUT ITS OK!!! equilibrium will be reached one day. ANYWAYS hmmm hmmm let me ponder

i already made a post about horror and stage 3 a while ago where horror would lure stage 3 in to test new traps he came up with and stage 3 would blindly chase after him and get hurt in the process because he's just locked in on killing horror. i think horror in that post was definitely a bit ooc he wouldn't be THAT active when it comes to killer but it was just a fun idea i had back then. anyways i do think that horror would think similarly to what i said in that post. killer stage 2 is usually really composed and secretive and precise with what he does that horror finds it absolutely hilarious when killer looses all that composure and just turns into a feral dog or some bullshit like that (AS IF HE DOESN'T HAVE SOMETHING SIMILAR WITH HIS HUNGER EPISODES????). although horror does value his life a shitton more than i made him in that post (that would probably be a closer friend group type of dynamic between the mtt) since there are times where i think it could be interpreted that horror wouldnt be the type of guy to fall for natural selection: killer edition. stage 3 is funny to him but he wouldn't approach cus he knows damn well he would NOT make it out unscathed‼️‼️ like watching an angry gorilla at the zoo. horror can laugh at it and all that but no way in hell is he approaching the glass

dust with stage 3??? uhhh i think he'd be more on the concerned side when faced with stage 3. and no not for killer because he really couldnt care less about killer's stage shifts he'd probably just wait for him to calm down like someone waiting for a kid to stop throwing a tantrum or something. nnnnahhh but i think he'd definitely be a bit put off by killer's sudden agression like stage 2 is agressive but not unless he needs to be. it's the same thing with horror where the shift from stage 2's way of acting compared to the unrestrained way that stage 3 acts is jarring to him. like a majority of people would he'd stay away from stage 3 killer. not like watching an animal from behind zoo glass but more like those national geographic channels where they put hidden cameras in the wilderness to take footage. something like that. he'd moniter killer from afar. i think he MIGHT be curious about the sudden shift and what caused it and all that but dust is too apathetic to care much aside from a little brainstorming. that's killer's business he's not gonna mess with it esp after seeing what stage 3's like

alright now onto stage 1! i think after seeing how different killer is in stage 1 compared to stage 2 he'd definitely feel a bit of pity and sympathy because like. killer seems GENUINELY sorry about what he did and all that bullshit and how he is. it reminds him a bit of himself back when he first did those few genocide runs in dusttale and maybe dust would be more open to talking to killer in stage 1. but again i dont think dust would be one to push or snoop like that. if killer wants to talk to him then he can be the one to initiate conversation but like i said earlier dust definitely doesnt care enough to make any effort. some mild curiosity and pity here and there and he's moved on already. plus he wouldn't forgive killer for all the shit he hates him for THAT easily. dust is the MASTER of holding grudges i swear. he and horror are tied actually idk. no nvm horror wins (because horror is consistently hateful towards undyne while dust madd a truce with the human before even if it wasn't genuine) but still that doesn't mean that dust cant hold a nasty grudge. he'd still hate killer no matter what like ever. because the mtt wouldn't be able to just get over their beef like that (and i dont think they EVER would. the trio's characters are all just too different for them to ever fully move on in a canon esque scenario)

horror's an interesting one in regards to stage 1 i think. like ngl i think he would actively avoid him. or at least like throw an insult towards stage 1 here and there and whys that??? because i think horror would ALSO see himself in stage 1 like dust with all the guilt and grief and the regret that stage 1 has and that just hits a LITTLE too close to home with horror's own personal demons even if their situations are different. because the mtt all used to be eachother. they all used to be the same guy. and stage 1 is the most "sans-like" killer will ever get so seeing a guy that you used to be the same existence with change into a guy with issues that you can relate and understand the feelings of irks horror. and he gets defensive and deflective and snappy when he feels that his privacy is being intruded on so even being around stage 1 would just tick off horror. it's like seeing a mirror of your past self but more pathetic because like dust horror hasn't forgotten that this IS still KILLER after all. similarly to stage 3 he'd think its pathetic that killer's lost his composure but not in a humorous way but in a genuinely demeaning way

UGH i hope that's a decent answer i am NOT locked in at all with killer lore as of rn. especially his stages. i only ever really care about stage 2 mostly and the others,,,, the others get thrown into the trash. JK(fashion) but actually even though this question was honestly a bit uncomfortable to think about (BECAUSE WHAT IF IM WRONG OR SOMETHING???) it was actually also really fun to think about since i rarely ever explore mtt dynamics with stage 1 or stage 3. i keep on coming up with so many ideas with stage 2 but i've yet to post a hc specifically about the other two (aside from the horror and s3 one) surpringly BUT that just goes to show how amazing the mtt can work together :3 i've yet to run out of ideas for the mtt even when i stick to my usual format!!!! just goes to show how amazing the mtt are they are so cool and have so many parallels and mtt best trio mtt best group mtt best EVERYTHING

[putyourcigaretteoutonmyback]

────────────────────────────

do i,

one person out of eight billion, on a planet that's bathing in a sea of stars and galaxies,

even matter ?

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if i was gone it wouldn't affect the world all that much, maybe the people around me, but that's temporary. we all die anyways, don't we? people say life is short yet it feels so, so long despite how the days will pass me by. how ill sit in bed doing the same things, scrolling on this phone, recognizing I should get off, get up, go do something, yet still, I remain unmoved. in my bed. on my phone. and the next days the same, and the next, and the next. my days are all spent the same, what good does living do me, really.

one small person in a universe full of things that have far more potential then ill ever have or live up to. a quit exit would be taking pills, or jumping in the river only a quick drive from me, maybe drown myself in the pool.

ive planned it in my head, sort of anyways. i could sneak out in the middle of the night, walk hours just to find the bridge, to feel the cold railing before ive sunken beneath it. or i could take a ton of pills, though that's not guaranteed. neither of them are i suppose. its funny, really, how suicides something ill always think about. it's the only constant on my mind; even if im happy, out with my friends or family, it lingers. what if this is the last time i see them? the last time they see me. it gets worse when I'm sad. killing myself would take evey feeling ive ever felt away, and id be gone.

i wonder if death is peaceful, i wonder what happens once we die. everyone does, i think, yet it remains unanswered until it happens. tons of reasons to stay, but tons to leave. sometimes i think about how if i do have another life after this, ill never know since it won't actually be me, it won't be my second life because itll be someone completely different. theyll have a different name and face, a different conscience because they won't be me. ill be dead, and someone else will live their life.

when you put it like that, do second lives even exist? if it won't be someone with the same conscience, someone who won't know of your existence, then really, it's just someone else.

“ in my next life I want — ” not your next life, someone else's life. someone completely different. and sometimes, i wanna be something, i wanna be everything, but thatll never be possible. i cant live every life, study every animal whilst learning of every movie ever made. i cant read every book written or listen to all the music that was created on this planet, and that frustrates me.

alot.

i wanna be soft, gentle, but at the same time, i wanna be loud and confident. i wanna get better, to live without the need to criticize my every move, every feature on my body or every word i said, but at the same time, i wanna get sick, be the worst i can be. cut my skin every day, go weeks without food, stop showering, give up, all in the hopes someone notices. to simply let go, to see how it feels, to see if it's any better then trying to be good, to be kind, better then putting in the effort to get out of bed every day, to shower, to do laundry.

back to suicide, i guess. its a sin, isnt it. but is god real? so many things yet to be proven. if god were real, why would he waste time with such insignificant things such as humans, much less care about the sexuality of someone or what they choose to believe in. god is cruel, afterall. someone could spend their whole life being good whilst believing in a religion other than christianity, and guess what. to hell they go. someone who's suffering, who sees suicide as their only way out, to hell. the rapist of someone who committed because of them, they repent and suddenly their a saint. to heaven, of course. what makes someone a good person, really? is if how often they compliment others, is it whether or not they pick up the money someone dropped and return it to them? to be a good person must you believe in certain things, does your past define how good you are? what does it take to be defined as good.

life is unfair, really. you're born into a body, into a family, you're raised, taken care of, unless you arent. the people you're surrounded by as you grow completely dictate who you become, and you cant control that. the body you've got from your mom, the addiction gene from your father, the nose and face you hate from generations before, stuff you get stuck with. you can't change most things, sure, workout, starve, do as you please but that doesn't change the structure of your bones or the people who made you. plastic surgery is expensive, and youll be called fake anyways, so is it worth it? I wonder why it's so hard to like myself.

i really dislike my face, my body, my personality and my voice. the little comments people make, whether they intend to cause harm or to not. they linger within my mind, floating in a thousand other thoughts i have yet to think deeper about. i guess thats what im doing right now. i would be journaling this but my hands hurt, so now whoever sees this gets to decide if they wanna read this. thats probably why i made this account. to rant, to vent.

something i really can't imagine is being anything older then I am right now. being an adult, growing up, it seems so impossible but i know it's not because i see it all around me every day. maybe it's because since from a young age, i always thought id be dead. that id kill myself before the age i am now, before i ever got to be a parent or employee. i still think that, probably, because i still wanna kill myself and its still set in my mind. “ i wont be anything more then what i am right now. ”

maybe its true, maybe its not.

the question “ what do you wanna be when you grow up ” was always hard for me. i never knew, i mean, my childish dreams of being a youtuber were there but that's it. i have no idea who i am or who i wanna be. theres so many jobs, but only so much time to do them, so many careers require a certain course in school, which tends to be expensive. what if i choose something i end up hating? what if im stuck for the rest of my life and miserable. im scared of growing up, of making the wrong choice.

on that topic, sex. its scary, really scary. what if i lose it to the wrong person? of course, i could wait till marriage, but divorce is always a possibility so even then. who would i consider the right person? im not sure. itll probably hurt, what if they see me naked and change their mind? someone seeing me naked is scary. maybe ill just die a virgin, lame, but atleast i won't have to be vulnerable. what if I bleed and he says ew, what if it goes wrong, what if what if what if.

my mind is full of what ifs, always. what if the hangout I have planned goes wrong? what if I get made fun of? maybe I think too much.

thats probably it for now, read it or don't, I wish tumblr said how many words it had. maybe it does, not sure, anyways, bye.

[sensitiveheartless]

genuinely i genuinely love ur howls moving castle au chuuya like i cannot even pin down why because i just have him like. rotating in the brain. i think it's cause you nailed down the vibes with sophie, how she doesnt have huge goals, she just wants to be rid of her (and later, howls) curse. aside from that, living a peaceful life is alright, but she also this quiet wonder with magic.

AND YOUR CHUUYA IS THE SAME. like yeah they grow to be somewhat heroic with the whole "stop fyodors magic destroying ritual" but the agency is just so.. domestic? i honestly cant come up with anything but peaceful. each of them has this feeling of...being content. belonging. and it feels like, even with the whole heroic adventure going on, chuuya (and dazai) are like. also beginning to feel this belonging with the ADA.

i think im saying this now cause of chapter 17 hhhhh (with the castle being destroyed but the agency going "everyone important is safe after all" and kouyou knowing that chuuya will probably want to travel with them sometimes) i have,, so many feelings.

it just feels fulfilling. peaceful. the action is so so good, and the way you describe whimsical magical things is SO vivid i LOVE IT. but i'm always so touched by the found family that is the ADA. something about home and comfort and protecting their own.

hhhhh now im shyyy. this was a really long ask and i couldve just commented on the fic but i was looking at ur art and i got excited,,, chuuya is so pretty too, i think its his braid. its very pretty, your art style reflects that quiet comfort. domesticity.

i have. so much to say abt chuuya but it would just be incoherent so ill end the ask now,, just know he is like. this is like, genuinely, one of the ebst fics and i will literally never forget this, i think ur writing is so fucking amazing hhh- thank u for all the effort and time u put into this masterpiece

!!! Aaaaa thank you!! I’m really glad—cause yeah!!! All of this!

I love Chuuya’s character, and have spent so much time rotating in my head—just in general, but also specifically because of this AU, because it was a more serious attempt to write from his perspective. For some reason I feel like Dazai’s character clicked easier for me when I first started writing these two, so Chuuya took more actual work —so this makes me so happy! I want it to be a good vibe for his character :0 I wish canon Chuuya could just have an arc of getting to belong somewhere safe and just breathe a bit ;; so yeah!! I wanted the ADA to be a part of him learning to rely on other people and really accept comfort and support

And I love the magic vibes in Howl’s Moving Castle, so hearing that those parts are coming across well is great as well!!

Anyway!! Thank you for this anon, I’m glad you’ve been enjoying it, and I hope you enjoy the rest as well once it’s done! :’D

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

Bruh, I almost hit the damn unfollow again. I need to be stopped. lol

🌹 😒 and 🍭 for Bryce and Jensen. Thanks! :)

🌹 Who initiated the first kiss?

jensen did :) i always debate on including the first kiss they had at donahues in my hc (cause all the other options suck lbr, and i dont think theyd kiss that early), but in the version where i do include it, jensen was the one who pulled him in first

😒 Do they get jealous easily?

jensen: definitely not. bryce is naturally flirty with everyone, and jensen knows and is comfortable with that because it means nothing. the only time when it may become more significant is when someone else is reciprocating it and bryce cant get out of it. bryce is usually pretty good about recognizing when people are taking it the wrong way, but there are times where he might miss it or, if theyre coming on too strongly, doesnt know how to shut it down. then, jensen would casually make it known that he and bryce are together, usually just walking over and grabbing his hand or pressing a kiss to his cheek.

bryce: also no, but a little more often. jensen is more oblivious to the fact that he’s good-looking all the time. he wasnt really “pretty” until his mid-twenties, and still doesnt think of himself as attractive unless he really puts the effort in and dresses up. so there are times, especially at work, that flirting can go right over his head because he just assumes people are trying to get to him for something purely work-related. he shuts it down quickly, but for all the wrong reasons. bryce finds this more amusing than anything, but when it moves to donahues where they continue to flirt with him because they assume it that part fine since he didnt comment on the flirting (just the whole being in a professional environment thing). that’s when it becomes more of a problem. bryce isnt necessarily jealous because he knows jensen doesnt reciprocate it at all, but it does bother him that someones so incessant on flirting with him

🍭 What are their nicknames for each other?

talked about bryces for jensen here. jensen isnt a fan of nicknames At All, but i think eventually he relents and calls bryce a few typical ones because he knows bryce likes them (the occasional babe, darling, love, etc)

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

the party doesn't start until i walk in LCBAB reaction let gooooooo

He put on a nice sweater, one without holes in it, and fluffed his hair a bit. He wanted to look nice but also not make it apparent that he had made some effort.

oh alec you virgo (is there gonna be any reaction to your fic where i stop mentioning alec virgo ass? maybe not)

It should be normal to think constantly about your friends 24x7 without it having any romantic intent.

the word alec is looking for is obsession. it always romantic feeling with friend and never a job

Alec wanted to meet the person who introduced the word beautiful. He wanted to ask that person what or who made them use this word and then tell them that beautiful was nothing compared to what Magnus looked like.

dont raise the dead just so you can be a simp its against the death code, dead ppl HR gonna have your head

Magnus jolted awake at that and started screaming. He took out the knife from under his pillow and launched it at Alec.

“Don’t come near me or I will kill you.” Magnus shouted.

when magnus keep a knife under his pillow its revealing detail on him and his background. when i keep a knife under my pillow im a danger to society????

“2nd May.”

no way in hell magnus is a Taurus at least pick a Scorpio date

And Alec was just—Alec.

and water makes things wet. we all know this

“I’m sorry.” Magnus said earnestly and it was all it took for Alec to forgive it.

alec needs to STAND UP i know he can. no virgo should forgive forget that easy stand UP

“Are you really using your childhood trauma to get out of being punched for saying stupid shit?“

Jace pretended to wipe fake tears from his face. “Is it working?”

the fact that you are making me relate to jace...evil?!?!?!?

Because how the hell was he supposed to survive without talking to Magnus for an entire week.

stream midnights by taylor swift it such a good album i know right

“Why does it matter to you? What the fuck does it matter when it is?” Magnus asked angrily.

me when im writing every essay. alec should have replied with "nothing" purely for the aesthetic

i was gonna make a joke about birthday as birthslay but my brain not functioning

Magnus held his face gently and Alec leaned into the touch. “I love you, Alexander. I’ve been in love with you since the day you had that law test and you forced me to quiz you for 48 hours and I hated absolutely every minute of it but I still did it. I love you more and more every day and I don’t know how to stop. And even if I knew, I wouldn’t want to stop.” Magnus breathed.

again stand UP

Alec was 32, and if he was being honest, he didn’t know why people had to work too.

actually nobody knows this it is another Bermuda triangle

“He is in a meeting with Abigail, right now. But he should be free any time now. I’ll just check in.”

um the amnesia au tease? are we okay?

Alec was fine with other people having a thing for Magnus. As long as they don’t act on that desire.

oooh amnesia au gonna wreck alec, serve him right for being a simp we cant be all too lovey-dovey around here

“I tried for ten years and these three convinced you in one night?” Alec said petulantly, bringing a chuckle out of Magnus.

maybe if u stop thinking with emotion and start thinking in strategic mode

this fic is just angst + trauma + alec being mega whipped to the point he can start a whipping cream brand + ari being the cutest + tease for hiadt when alec got dumped and his ex-husband moved on with his ex gf. again LAYERS

“Don’t raise the dead just because you want to be a simp” sent me. Your reactions like always are superior anh>>> I cracked so hard at the entire thing

Simp Alec would never stand up for himself and if you think it’s bad in LRHWY, wait till you read about HIADT Alec getting walked all over himself lmao. Also yes!!! Loved throwing that lil bit of amnesia au tease lmao.

I have honeslty no idea how this fic ended up being as angsty as everyone is saying it was lol. That’s what I’m saying—I can never tell which chapters or fics are going to be angsty and which ones are not. I’m in this with you homies jsjssjsk

P.S. Ari really do be the cutest I am love only one girl