#cant have shit in the undercity

[ssaltlicker]

Me knowing damn well why people demonize vi for one mistake while excusing everything jinx has done

[scrunkalicious]

MEL IS SOOOOYOUOOOU PRETTY but maybe! how would she like caitlyn?!

OOOOOOO YES MEL IS DROP DESD GORGSIUS BGN GNNBN

OUUGGGHHH CAIT TIME THO!!! They first met during act one or right at the start of the 7yr timeskip. Caitlyn has already heard of Marly before before show timeline. Caitlyn’s mom, Cassandra is on the council, and I’d like to imagine that when Heimerdinger allowed viktor into the academy he was all “I got Marly to show him around and she is more than happy to do it 😁😁”,,, if Caitlyn overheard her mom talking abt this with her dad she is FLABBERGASTED,,,,, growing up in Piltover she has had a set disliking towards those from the undercity,,, so she theorizez that either Marly got payed big money for this, or shez really hella weird.

She spotted the artist outside once, and actually alone for effing once at that,,, IMMEDIATELY went over to ask her a buncha questionz,,,, bc cait cant understand how Marly has even AGREED to helping vik,,,, and oh shit theyre dating💥‼️‼️‼️💥‼️💥⁉️💥‼️💥💥⁉️⁉️‼️now she has even MORE shit to ask,,,, it took a while but when Marly realized that she wasnt bring outright rude,, just curious,, Marly entertained whatever she had to say. Cait is significantly younger than Marly (about 9ish yrz) and Marly findz it entertaining to talk to the youth lmao

after all of lil Caitlyn’z needz were satisfied, the two parted wayz,, both of them thinking they wouldn’t rlly talk to one another again

UNTIL HEXTECH IS A BIG SUCCESS AND JAYCE IS ALLOWED TO BE NEAR CAIT AGAUN (blud almost got banished and he used to hang out w cait but after that her parentz were all like “don’t hang out with that fukass guy”) and he properly introducez her to Marlz n Vik!! While Viktor has never seen her before, Marly is all “I KNOW YOU.”

the two do end up becoming friendz!! Itz a very sisterly dynamic, and while she still doesn’t exactly understand what Marly seez in Viktor, she respectz it (dw cait we got ur own undercity bitch coming for u soon bae😘)

by the time act 2 rollz around and caitlyn is on the police force,, I can imagine there have been a few close callz between viktor and enforcerz bc while he workz with Jayce,,, nobody recognizez his work and id believe most people know hez from the undercity and is prolly one of the only ppl to walk around with a cane. so in turn Marly is practically begging for cait to do something about this, despite her being not very high ranked,,,,

OH AND WHEN CAITLYN MEETZ VI,,,,,,, she understands why marly likez vik lmao and doesnt oppose ppl from the undercity,,, she also introduced vi to marlz sooooo

yes I yapped a bit but overall a very sisterly dynamic,,,, kinda goofy,,,,

Caitlyn!!

[claggorstuff]

The most unbreakable of spells... Part five ★

Its been about 10 months now, and the one thing I dreaded happened, I know its part of relationships.. but, it scared me, he scared me, he was yelling like a madman.. we'd gotten into our first REAL fight, sure there were a few little arguments that were quickly diffused.. but this was different.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! YOU JUST CALLED THE WHOLE OF THE UNDERCITY A DUMP HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE FINE?!"

"I-I thought.. I thought we were just joking around..! Cla-"

"NO! NO WE WERENT!"

"Im.. s-sor-"

"stop. STOP. you cannot be serious youre acting like I just slapped you if you cant handle YELLING then dont fucking MAKE FUN OF MY HOME!"

"I didnt mean to.. Im so so s-sorry.." I know he wouldnt hurt me but he LOOKED like he would, he knows how to intimidate someone, leaning over them and puffing his chest like a lion, eyebrows furrowed and voice booming.

I acted out of instinct, pushing him away and running.. but he didnt chase me, he wouldnt chase me, he knew I was scared and that we both needed some time.. I

I ran to the slytherin dorms to talk to my little sister and her friend powder.. his sister, I burst into her dorm and tripped over some trinkets, they were visiting vis girlfriend, caitlyn.. after all they have 3 years until they enter hogwarts with us

My sister ran up to me with a hug "y/n!"

"I missed you y/n!"

"You coulda visited sis, you know that.." I wiped my tears sniffling, she of course noticed this and hugged me again, this time silent as I rubbed her back.

"What happened..?" Powder inquired

"Me and claggor got in a fight.. its nothing really powder, dont worry.."

She suddenly ran off without a word, a wand in her hand.. "shit." I went to chase after her, she was bolting to my dorm and I had to stop to catch my breathe, I couldnt take it anymore and just sat there in tears.. why cant she ever just leave things alone? Soon a firm hand was placed on my shoulder, I looked up scared about if i'd see claggor but instead it was vander, him having to monitor powder and my sister.

"Heard what happened, you okay..?"

"NO! IM NOT!" I snapped at him, I have to admit he truly is a patient man.. he sat next to me rubbing my back and soon claggor came out, being dragged by powder, he saw my state and his eyebrows furrowed "I.. uhm... I.."

"Im sorry claggor.. Im really really sorry.." He shouldnt be the one apologising, I was the one who insulted his homeland, it isnt right to make him apologise for getting mad.

"No.. I know.. I wanted to say sorry for uh.. making you.. cry.." he sat on the other side of me and vander left us alone dragging powder out, claggor rubbed my back letting me get all the tears I had left out, gently kissing the top of my head

"Do we need time to talk..? Or do we need time to just, sit here... quietly, so that we both wind down.." he whispered into my ear

"Lets talk.. I think that'd help.." he nodded and we left to talk privately in my room about the events of today.. that wasnt as bad as I thought, was it..

End of part 5 ★

[bunbunsie]

Been thinking about how Cait is considered one of the most lawful good out of the entire 50 shades of grey morality cast.

Jayce, while considered heroic, engaging in back room dealing and..child killing. Even Vi, with her admirable shounen protagonist's heart of gold, can be callous with her words and doesnt mind a few deaths if her goals was destroyed. Heimerdinger is good but his inaction and ignorance toward The Undercity's suffering clearly doesnt help anything. Every characters have their good and bad, has done some pretty shits thing (some more than the others)

And there you have Caitlyn. Sweet, kind Caitlyn who wants to protect everyone. Who believes in justice and law, who choose to be a cop because her mentor figure, Grayson is a noble one. Who shows Vi that maybe there is one topsiders that care about the suffering of the undercity people and want to help.

But unlike Ekko (he's a golden boy!! Too good for this world), i think her goodness was borned out naivete, privilege and her shelter upbringing. She's outwordly good because the wolrd around her (safe and prosper and full) allowed her to be one, unlike Vi has to harden herself to protect her own family. Cait's mother really didnt let her see the real world, see the shady things that happened inside the room and outside the shiny surface of Piltover. Her little rebellions like joining the police or releasing Cait may sound revolutionary and daring for Cait herself, but she wont suffer from harsh punishment (like death) and honestly, it doesnt mean much in the grand scale of things

But along the story, her innocent got chipped away, bit by bit. She got shocked at the fact that Vi was beaten by jailers, her parents was killed by wardens (who she thought was a symbol of justice). She saw the awful things at the Undercity. When She turned to her mom and Jayce to help, she still think simply talking to the Council would change their mind and not even take in any other factors (like they simply didnt give a fuck about the undercity lol). Cait is your avarage good law abiding child who has utmost faith in the just, and honestly, I cant blame her. She's like a light that is too good to be true.

Anyway, i do think her naivete goodness will be blown away soon. She was ready to fire at Jinx, showed that she's willing to let her hand stain blood to protect herself and loved on (Vi). Still, she stopped at Vi's pleading. But Jinx has fired the rocket at the Council, where her mother - her safe haven whether she liked it or not- is in. The death flag is flying high.

Cait will be forced to change, and lose a little bit of goodness in her, to be replaced by anger, hatred and grudge. At Jinx, at Vi for stopping her. Maybe she will ready to do shady things, to harm thing to reach her goal. Maybe she will chase after Jinx with the intend to Kill, to revenge

Idk, i want that for her in season 2, it would make her blend in with the rest of the cast's greyness. With how the writer crews has exceed our expectation, i have faith that they will handle her arc right.

[kargathbladefist]

okay wait this is a really good idea hold on

S Tier:

Orgrimmar (smoke and bbq; good ventilation, probably windy in the canyons)

Darnassus (tree)

A Tier:

Gilneas (fresh muddy dead leaf smell like when it rains in autumn)

Silvermoon

Thunder Bluff (probably smoky like org but windier and more ventilated. smells like summer)

B Tier:

Exodar (wtf would a spaceship even smell like, not bad i guess so i cant put it any lower)

C Tier:

Dazar’alor (would expect the air to be fresh given it’s (lore-wise) high up in the mountains and surrounded by dense vegetation.. but the lower port half of it is probably not as nice. i feel like thered be so many crammed bodies filling the streets 24/7 coupled with dinosaurs shitting wherever they want and the smell of the harbor.  that being said i feel like the zandalari have a much better grasp on waste management and drainage systems, so it goes above the human cities)

D Tier:

Shattrath (draenor is a dead planet so i cant imagine it smelling nice)

Stinky Poo Poo Tier:

Dalaran (sewers, population density; probably smells like new york)

Stormwind City (see above. canals are probably like the hudson or charles river, youll contract something if you swim in them... horses are their racial mount so theyre probably pooping all over the place. given how many people have died in the great sea i cant imagine the harbor smelling good either.)

Boralus (see above)

Undercity Tier

Undercity

[swampgallows]

my uncle works at blizzard and i know the end of shadowlands

here is my prediction, it’s sloppy as fuck but i wanna just draft my general idea before the shit actually comes out so i can be like “CALLED IT” if i’m right lol

okay so let’s talk DREADLORDS babey. they are not demons per se but a separate race of sentient beings called the nathrezim. apparently they were discovered by sargeras when he was traversing the cosmos. they were sitting around chilling with the old gods, which is how sargeras found out about the old gods and void lords in the first place. so the history of dreadlords and the old gods/void goes way back.

there are three things that dreadlords are very good at:

1. summoning chaotic shit 2. crafting chaotic shit 3. being chaotic neutral emissaries, mostly for the burning legion. mostly.

1. dreadlords are really powerful interdimensional beings from the twisting nether. however, with the afterlives: maldraxxus cinematic it possibly implies that both the denizens of the shadowlands and the nathrezim themselves have the power to move between life and death as well as laterally across realms like the elemental plane, twisting nether, etc.

2: the dreadlords have forged the sword apocalypse and are possibly the original smiths of the helm of domination and frostmourne. we know that these artifacts are not of azeroth. the nathrezim could have smithed both the helm and frostmourne with help from the jailor and his magic. side note is the WoW canon spelling his name Jailor or Jailer? ive seen both. guess it’s one of those imposter/impostor situations.

anyway, point number 3: we have witnessed dreadlords allying themselves with several different factions, including but not limited to the scourge (sub-faction of the legion), the burning legion, the light (lothraxion), and waaaay back when... the forsaken. by sprinkling themselves throughout the cosmos they can tip the scales on several fronts toward chaos/old gods/void (yes, even lothraxion, since the Light seems to have its own agenda per Xe’ra).

newer players may not know that sylvanas once had a dreadlord ally named Varimathras. one of his click-quotes he’d say “I’m always on the winning side.” he claimed to hold no more ties to the burning legion and that he also wanted to get revenge on arthas/the lich king, and since that was sylvanas’ ultimate goal, they teamed up. he used to chill right next to her in the royal quarter, until the battle for the undercity. this was a wotlk-era event not unlike the pre-bfa “war of thorns” that followed The Wrathgate. the horde, including thrall and varok saurfang, led horde troops into the undercity to oust the mutineers from the horde. the alliance was also present, with newly-returned king varian wrynn and lady jaina proudmoore also invading to take their revenge on putress and his loyalists. 

but before all that, sylvanas could have possibly been clued in by varimathras about the jailor’s intentions all the way back in wrath. especially if she was looking for a way to defeat the “death god” lich king, varimathras would have been more than happy to tell her about death’s boss—the jailor—and the suffering arthas would undergo in the maw. (remember, shadowlands itself is not new lore. it has existed since the dawn of warcraft itself; whenever you die in game you are in the shadowlands. the spirit healers in the graveyards are in the shadowlands.)

again, this is just my speculation, but varimathras easily could have told sylvanas about the origins of the helm and frostmourne, the source of arthas/the lich king’s powers. varimathras/putress betray her (though even this has conflicts with new lore, e.g. Chronicle [my bane] saying that Sylvanas had planned the Wrathgate all along). battle for undercity happens, and varimathras is banished. 

sylvanas maybe figures ‘dont worry imma bust that shit open when i go kill arthas’. maybe she even planned to hold dominion over the scourge and wear the helm herself, taking the place bolvar has currently. but the halls of reflection & ICC happen and... she doesnt get to kill arthas, her one reason for continuing her existence.

so we get Edge of Night, which potentially planted a lot of seeds (if blizz is that clever).

VALKYR possibly trick her (i have said this before), as they are agents of the scourge/the jailor, hopefully to get sylvanas on their side to incur more death and be a secondary wave of would-be scourge (since bolvar aint doin that job and he’s not dead so they cant really get to him BUT they can travel throughout the shadowlands). either that or maybe they were planning on her becoming the new lich king and when bolvar got the hat instead they got a lil pist about it.

sylvanas is foisted into the very non-consensual position of “choose death and suffer for eternity or come back to life and Lead Your People™”. there is some OLD ASS LORE that i cannot find and maybe it’s something i misread somewhere or whatever but i was always under the impression that the Light could not save the Scourge, so anyone turned Scourge could possibly end up in the Maw on principle of being inherently irredeemable (hence the name “Forsaken”, they cannot be saved by the Light). the lore might have changed or, like i said, i might have just picked this up from somewhere and it’s wrong entirely. but if that’s the case, more Scourge = more anima dumped into the Maw disposal, which strengthens the jailor. either that or breaking sylvanas’ spirit to redirect her vengeance on Capital D Death rather than arthas himself.

basically everything sylvanas does while “alive” in azeroth pales in comparison to the eternal suffering and torment that awaits her if she is to die. so she has literally nothing to lose and can only gain by at least keeping herself alive as long as possible, no matter what wild shit she gets up to, it cant be as bad as the maw. 

ultimately i think sylvanas becomes the new jailor to satisfy both her loyalists/fans and those who want her to pay for her crimes, she is redeemed by technically stopping the maw expansion by taking over a la bolvar keeping the scourge dormant, all the symbolism of her destroying the helm of domination becomes all the more poetic and poignant along with her ‘this world is a prison and i will set us all free’ bullshit, avoids her potential fate in the maw as a prisoner by becoming the jailor itself (”better to reign in hell than serve in heaven”). PLUS then she gets placed in a limbo much like illidan fighting sargeras for potentially eternity by being dead-but-not-really as the jailor so blizzard can cameo to her or make merch of her all they want or bring her back as deus ex machina if they feel like it.

i had way more details about this shit when me n the best friends talkd about it a while back but it’s  been seemingly an eternity since then but yeah the tldr

sylvanas becomes jailor (predictabo) because varimathras spilled the beans about the funny sword and hat his buddies made purely for the bants w the old gods/void (less predictabo).

boy are they gonna make that covid vaccine soon or what i need a fuckin job

[weretoad-writer]

The Arrangement

Fictober - Day 1 Prompt: “It will be fun, trust me.” Fandom: Enderal Warnings: language

************************

The shop was buried down an alley in the snarled warren of buildings which made up the Undercity’s Barracks, but Molly had been right; you couldn’t miss it. The smell of sulfur and embalming fluid, and something sickeningly floral filled the air the length of the narrow street. It might have been the only place in the Undercity that didn’t reak of shit and death. Eska couldn’t decide if this was worse. Above the door someone had painted a crude image of a potion bottle. There was no name. No one to read it. 

Eska paused at the threshold, scanning the area around the door out of habit. It took him several passes before he saw it. A small glyph scratched in the rotten wood of the frame. The Endralean cant glyph for ‘danger’ was nearly identical to the Nehrimese for ‘shelter’. A mistake he had only needed to make once. 

‘Danger’ could have meant a number of things, but he was near enough now to detect the mix of smoke and saltpeter amidst the sulfur. Not hard to imagine how this place had earned its reputation.

Inside the smell was overpowering. It burned his nose and made his eyes water. Fighting down the impulse to cough, he looked around. Sagging shelves lined the walls filled with bottles of every conceivable type and jars in which vague, unsettling shapes floated; dust covered glass glinted dully in the pale light of a crystal that hung from the ceiling. There were no open flames in sight. 

Teetering stacks of books, and tables covered with more books and more jars and tools filled most of the small space, and a spider’s web of string hung with herbs and leathery chains of dried animal parts stretched between swaybacked beams. The room was -- not exactly empty, not when it was packed to the gills, every surface, every inch of floor (excepting a few narrow paths) stacked with items or furniture, but of another person there was no sign. 

He took a cautious step forward. “Hello?”

There was a booming crack and Eska leapt back towards the doorway as the whole building shuddered, shaking a curtain of dust down from the boards overhead. The sound of jarring glass set his teeth on edge, but there was no flash of magic, no attack. From the floor several feet away a trap door burst open and black smoke billowed out. Eska took another step back, hands twitching towards his daggers. There was the sound of someone coughing and then a head emerged from the trap door, face and hair streaked with soot. 

When they noticed Eska, they froze. “Who the fuck are you?”

“...A customer.” It came out sounding like a question. 

They had fully emerged from the floor by this point and stood regarding him suspiciously. They were half a head taller than he was, wrapped in a stained leather apron with close cropped hair of indeterminate color and, currently, no eyebrows. 

“Gods fucking -- How many times do I need to say it? I don’t sell dust! You godsdamn upper city snobs all think oh, alchemist in the undercity, they must be a fucking dust mixer. Go and fuck off down the Silver Cloud like everyone else!”

Eska’s brows quirked in surprise and he held up his hands, “I’m not after drugs.”

He saw their face sour with distain as they looked him over again. “No? So what does the sunchild want?”

His hands tightened, nails biting into his palms. He should have been used to it by now. “An edge in a fight. Or a way out. An ‘oh shit’ option, really. Got anything like that?”

They considered this for a moment, then turned, disappearing behind a blind of hanging herbs and precariously stacked books. He heard glass clinking and several moments later they reemerged, three iron colored glass flasks in their hands. They set them down on the nearest table. “Flash powder. Break one of these on the ground and bang! bright enough to blind someone for few seconds and enough smoke for you to fuck off somehwere else. Just mind you shut your eyes first.”

He fished out his purse. “I’ll take them.”

“Fine.” A wolfish smirk twitched across their face. “That’ll be five hundred gold.”

“Five hundred? Blazes, I could get it cheaper in the bloody Noble’s Quarter!”

“Why don’t you then?”

Eska glared.  “Mad Molly said you were fair.”

At the beggar’s name their expression sharpened, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “How d’you know Molly?

“The fuck’s it matter?”

They crossed their arms.

“Fucking -- Fine. She’s helped me a couple times, alright? She’s been…. kind.”

“Kind?” They threw back their head with a bark of laughter. “Ain’t many folk can say that of our Molly.” 

They were silent a moment, considering him, and then they struck out a hand. “Let’s try this again, shall we? I’m Talis.”

“Eska.”

“Well, Eska, I’d say it’s a pleasure, but that remains to be seen. Now if you’re a friend of Mol’s, then maybe we can help each other.”

“How exactly?”

“You need potions. I need someone to test potions. In exchange for a discount, or course. Am I moving too fast for you?”

Eska stared at them in weary incredulity. “Last time I drank something without knowing what it did, I ended up trapped in some fucking nightmare prison. I’m really not--”

“Sounds like one hell of a bad trip!” Their expression brightened with impatient curiosity. “Could be... belladonna? Or maybe-- No. Later. You’ll have to tell me about it. Anyway! What d’you say?”

This wasn’t happening. He wasn’t actually ……..Gods, he was actually considering this. “Does this have anything to do with that explosion a minute ago?”

“What? No! That’s not nearly ready for human test subjects. No, this is something I’ve been working on for a while now. A protection from energy potion. It’s perfectly safe! You’ll just drink it and we test to see if it works.”

“Meaning you try to fry me with magic?”

“Exactly! It’ll be fun, trust me!”

[miindjack]

1-6, 33, and 34 for the D&D ask meme? (*'▽'*)

1. A favorite character you have played.

by far, my favourite character i’ve played is Reno. I put a lot of care into his creation and backstory and it’s been really cool to see him grow as a character. 

2. Your favorite character that someone else has played.

hmmmmmmm... i think my favourite character someone else has played has to be my friend’s half elf rouge/bard. Her name is Darcy and she’s super cool and Reno thinks she’s a cool friend. 

3. Your favorite side quest.

i think my favourite one was when we cleaned out this like...dungeon type area at the academy that our characters are all from. It really showcased just how much damage Reno can do as a Sharpshooter and it was just cool to see the monsters and baddies. 

4. Your current campaign.

so, i’m in two campaigns at the moment but i’ll tell you about the one i’ve been in longer since i technically just started in the other. 

so, the campaign is called “World of Ax’hia: Heroic Ascension” and basically, our characters are part of an academy for heroic ascension. But to ascend, you have to go on a Big Mission with a party and then you all ascend. So, we’re currently working ourselves up to our Big Mission.

5. Favorite NPC.

this is going to be a shock to none of my friends who listen to me ramble about my campaign all the time but Veera. She’s one of the people from the academy. She basically gives us our quests and helps us when we need it. Veera has flirted with Reno in the past and Reno has tried to flirt back. He actually ended up going on a date with her like...three sessions ago.

not that he’ll remember that because of some shit from this game we just did on thursday. 

6. Favorite death (monster, player character, NPC, etc).

AAAAAAA SHORTSTACK. SHORTSTACK BY FAR WAS MY FAVOURITE DEATH. 

so, okay, shortstack is a crimeboss from Reno’s past. (reno is a criminal who worked in the undercity of exalta) and he and shortstack kind of had a bit of an altercation and Shortstack didn’t take lightly to being ‘disrespected’ and so he killed Reno’s crimeboss and Reno’s parents. 

So, long story short but to get cured of this disease, reno had to try praying to the pantheon and hoping one of them would answer him. one of them did, and his name is Lightbringer. He’s basically the god of like...justice??? I can’t remember his actual title at the current moment but anyways he’s very much the god of “there’s only good and evil. you must smite down evil.” and he gave Reno a magical bow and told him that in order to be cured of this disease, you must kill Shortstack.

SO during the same session where Reno went on a date with Veera, we also fought Shortstack. (This session was very Reno centric and i was LIVING.). 

It was intense and long and sdklfgjdfjgkldfg Reno actually died during the fight. Shortstack ended up knocking him down and was beating the shit out of him until he knocked him out. Then he turned to Darcy and was like “Call off your dogs and leave and I’ll stop this.” and Darcy was like “nah fam.” so Shortstack basically bashed Reno’s chest to a pulp and killed him. 

but Ivy, bless her, revived him. and while she revived him, Lightbringer came to him and gave this tiny epic speech and then Reno came back to life and immediately took his shot with his magic bow and shot an arrow up through Shortstack’s jaw and out his head. 

33. How do you write your backstory, or do you even write a backstory?

you know, that’s a good question. I think I try and pick certain bonds, personality traits, etc, from the backgrounds in dnd and then i try to work something out around that. Like, for example, Reno’s bond (i think it’s his bond) is that “someone i love died because of me. i won’t like that happen ever again.” which kind of snowballed his entire backstory. 

34. Do you tend pick weapons/spells for being useful or for flavor?

I’ve never really played a spellcaster properly until the second campaign i just joined but when i was picking out spells, I picked them out with a mix of both in mind. Most of the spells are useful but some are just things that I think Orion would have wanted to learn just because.

[thenextchapterbegins]

jayce musings and semi wishlists

so in my singed rp singe muse makes a comment to jayce about his “announcement” which could be a reference to jayce getting rid of heimer but at the time i didnt quite know what it was for but i thought it was a fun thing to play off like hes jsut forgetting things which has led to a deeper headcanon

that i personally believe the time leading up to his first experiment and after his memory doesnt become...shoddy but more so he has been fully consumed by his demons/mental influences of the hexcore that if its nothing something critcally substansial/a person very important to himself he just CANT remember it

there are also other things like i dont think since my jayce is less egotistical and semi atagonistic i dont think my jayce would have gone with the plan to rid of heimer but i do think it would have eventually happended or jayce would be blackmailed to do it like blackmailed by suggesting the council would remove funding or make it incredibly hard to do things, but i also think with the hexcore consuming jayce its more likely they waited for a day jayce couldnt make it to a council meeting to rid of him which knowing my jayce he would miss many a council meeting. 

i think it would be an interesting interaction either way as i think my jayce deeply respects heimers opinions and may have been the only reason it took him as long as he did to conduct his experiments 

theres also fun things i wish i could do with caitlyns 

before leaving to the undercity jayce is confident, calm, collected and by the time caitlyn finally makes it back jayce  would be a broken shell of what he once was. would be fun

and agnsty

idk lots of things and different interactions could be done with my jayce

so take this post as not only an headcanon post but also a “hay come rp this shit with me plz.” 

[swampgallows]

it’s becoming harder and harder for me to find solace in places. the guilt inside me is becoming heavy. i know that if i want something, i need to make it happen, but i am so exhausted of having to do everything myself. and the things i do get help with i feel grateful, of course, but then so guilty that i’m needing to be helped that it’s incapacitating. i’m just so late in the game to everything. i’m so outside of life and what other people are doing. i’ve always felt that way, though. i’m never gonna snap into place like they want me to. 

i need to pick a career and stuff. i just have to like shot in the dark pick something at this point because there isn’t going to be some divine calling, my pittance from art commissions is not gonna be enough to sustain me (and i dont think i can get to a point where it will), im just so bogged down knowing that everybody is fuckin poor. 

part of me wishes i could wake up and just ‘be normal’. that i could throw away all the weird stupid shit in my life. the trashy little kid bracelets, the clown clothes, the nerdy interests, the ugly monsters (what on earth is an ‘orc’?), the hundreds of heavy and just plain weird records that are sooo boring and irritating and repetitive and loud and obnoxious. all the shit i’ve internalized about stuff i am beyond passionate about, the only fuel that keeps me alive and gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. i read once about brain trauma, that someone suffered an injury and when they woke up, all of their interests changed completely. they were a classically-trained musician, iirc, and ended up just selling all of their instruments and getting rid of all their books etc because it had absolutely no value to them anymore. they were completely changed. i dont remember what their new interests became, but... the thought of that has haunted me for over a decade. maybe someone will hit me in the head just right until i wake up and be a normal person who cares about normal, accessible things instead of all this fringe and abrasive fantasy bullshit. what if i woke up one day and became a devout christian? i roll over and my room is foreign to me, along with everything in it, and then i just throw it all away? i start over, stripped clean. tabula rasa. i get good interests instead. relatable adult things, like gourmet food and backpacking. i titter with the girls at the office and wear pencil skirts and focus on landing me a tall dark and handsome. 

the thought of becoming that thing is heartwrenching. painful. but it’s all obvious, of course, why i would ever have that masochistic fantasy of completely disowning my worthless oblong self. a me that isn’t ‘ruined’. 

i went through my kandi stash the other day trying to find all my kandi with bells on it (I could have sworn i had more). and going through a lot of it was a flood of memories. high school, college, raver days. when i was in high school, all by my lonesome, the only candy kid or rave-associated ANYTHING in my 4000+ fellow students, i had to wear a lot of my own kandi. and i did so as a beacon, a lighthouse, hoping that i could be a beaming signal to any other candy kids who might be in hiding. and i got so dizzy and self-consuming with my repressed interest that i became a zealot about it, being extremely rude and elitist about my interests because i felt a need to protect them. i felt the pressure of them looking to be watered down or erased. i was the same with warcraft. 

ten years later i’m not as rude about it, but i feel exactly the same way. in high school i had to wear my own kandi, would have it ripped off of my arms in big fistfuls by those who ostracized me, and had to be tongue-in-cheek and submissive about my passion, my very real and non-ironic DEVOTION to this. thank god on tumblr i can write 4000 word dissertations about garrosh hellscream and some of you crazy fucks actually bother to read it, but sometimes i still feel like that kind of pariah for having a very niche and very specific fixation. 

even people who played warcraft when i was in high school told me i took it too seriously because i roleplayed; and even roleplayers in the game told me i took it too seriously because i didnt want to sit around for 6 hours pretending to drink alcohol and trying to get laid, except as an elf. the fact that i really wanted to discuss the lore and delve into the story and the universe of azeroth, of how it would feel to be in that place, to live that life, ostracized me even from the people who claim to feel the same way. but roleplay was never about focusing on how our veins dont surge anymore as undead, how your digestive organs need to be removed post-undeath so they dont explode and rupture and hang out of your bowels like the abominations in the Undercity, how the undead are technically still the same citizens of Loraderon but are being ousted by their living counterparts in neighboring kingdoms. it was just “haha im a funny dead pirate man and i’m going to womanize 12 blood elf women at once behind all of their backs.”

in trying to become a gabber dj too, i felt like i had to take it upon myself because nobody else plays the music that i like. but alll of these things... it feels like i’m just building a house by myself. i feel like nobody truly, at the core, appreciates the intersection of interests that i have, or can only smile and nod at my fervor but not really understand it. and it’s nobody’s fault, nobody is obligated to feel what i feel. 

i’m glad people enjoy the garrosh posts and art that i make. and i’m glad that my friends make kandi with me now and encourage me to play gabber. i’m happy when i get some really good RP, even if i have to be the one to walk up every time. i’m glad that people want me to “do the thing”. i just feel like... there is no payoff once it’s done. everyone gets glad that it’s finished, and they enjoy it then, but then it dissolves. nobody is invested in it but me.

i know the solution is to be more accessible, but i can’t seem to imagine anything other than swinging the pendulum in the opposite direction. like, all or nothing. either you take all of my german expressionism with the warcraft meta and the rave shit, or you get nothing. i dont know how to dilute myself and that’s part of what was killing me at my job. i felt like a novelty. a doll. but it wasn’t their fault.. they couldnt relate to what i was talking about and passionate about, and it’s not their fault. they liked me because i was well-spoken and funny and a diligent worker, which are all nice and accessible things, but when nobody can cathect with me, really empathize with me, i feel like a jester. a consumable. 

my college roommates would tell me that they loved me because i was so funny. and that’s it. i existed as entertainment, but anything human about me—my passions, my interests, my insights, my memories—meant nothing. even my family will ask me a question and then cut me off in the middle of my sentence, expressing more of just their disbelief or confusion about something than actually seeking information. it’s why i stopped answering customers when they’d ask “how did you dye your hair?” and, like an idiot, i attempted to explain the process to them, thinking they actually wanted to know. but a few words in and their eyes glazed over, probably because they weren’t expecting a “real answer”. i began to accept that any questions directed toward me were closer to passive acknowledgements of me just standing there and existing in their field of vision than any sort of actual desired input from me. it’s like when people ask “how are you?” and you are obligated to say “fine” because it is the rote response. if you actually start talking about how you are doing, you are violating the socially agreed upon script of pleasantries. 

i cant do small talk. i cant do scripts. i dont get it. it doesnt make sense to me. and i think retail killed me because of that. i wasn’t a person. i wasn’t even an NPC. i was just a doll. an actor. a pull-string action figure with 5 fun phrases. i was so wacky and weird with my green hair and my silly bracelets and funny observations. ho ho what fun it is to work here with our personal jester to tell us funny stories about her cuh-razy antics she gets up to!

like how nate said “the craziest thing of someone’s year will be seeing someone play the legend of zelda theme on an accordion at a convention and for us that’s just like a walk down the street”. 

my feet straddle two divergent worlds and i cant pick just one but im about to fall in the crevice.

man i fuckin love ratatouille man. i fuckin love that film. i cant choose between two halves of myself. even when the halves want the other half dead.

i need a liaison. where’s MY linguini????