#cant do anything about in progress shots though

[kirstenly]

Know someone commissioning me? Don't wanna see me breathe life into their wretched ideas? Pay me 3x their commission rate and I'll refund their commission and send em packing.

This is a new service I will offer. Lmao.

[nothorses]

hi sorry to bother u about this, i searched around transmasc subreddits for an answer to this and while i saw a few people joking about getting dry cramps, nobody seems to know what this is. and i vaguely remember seeing a post by you mentioning "mystery cramps" in a post also about vaginal atrophy, but I didnt pay attention to the post much at the time bc at that point i wasnt experiencing atrophy or mystery cramps.

but now I'm a bit over a year on T, (my periods stopped only about 4 months ago though, because i was on a much lower dose than most for a lot longer time than most. that ~4 months ago time frame lines up with upping my dose from 0.2 to 0.3ml. i'm on 0.4ml tho now as of about 3 weeks ago) and suddenly i'm getting "mystery cramps" sometimes, it seems to happen especially the night before my T-shot day, (but i cant say that with certainty—i know i'm having them right now and my shot day is tomorrow morning, and i think thats been the case, but i dont know for sure) and they feel exactly like period cramps. to the point where i feel super paranoid that maybe i've been injecting improperly and the testosterone isnt absorbing right and my period is actually coming back. (something i often have nightmares about)

i searched your blog again for that post and did find it, (the one about estradiol cream treating it) but the wording of it is a little unclear and i wanted to just clarify that this is the same thing youre talking about? or if what im experiencing is different than the "mystery cramps" you meant and i should see a doctor

I am for sure not a doctor, and I think you should see one either way!

My personal understanding of the "mystery cramps" is that it's a part of "vaginal atrophy" that some, but not all trans folks who go on T experience, and it usually doesn't start until a couple of years on T ( which is also, to my knowledge, based on more standard doses as opposed to "low-dose" T).

Mine started about two years in, and was happening occasionally at first- always at night, and often the day before my T shot- then progressed to several nights a week over time. Nowadays I tend to experience cramping almost every time I so much as miss one dose of estradiol. Ibuprofen and Midol are the only OTC pain relievers that seem to do the trick, and the cramping will keep me up through the entire night untreated. It also tends to come in fairly predictable waves (spaced maybe 15-30 minutes apart) and right before I started estradiol, I remember getting some light spotting as well.

iirc, I talked to my PCP when it was just starting up, and their response was along the lines of "that's weird, let's keep an eye on it". I moved and didn't have a PCP for a while, so when the spotting started, I went to a walk-in urgent care clinic and talked to them. They gave me a referral for an ultrasound, and encouraged me to go to a "women's health" clinic that had long history of specializing in trans care as well. When I talked to the folks at that clinic, they encouraged me to go through with the ultrasound (I didn't), and prescribed estradiol cream because I asked them to and they didn't see a reason not to try it.

If you think it's possible this is what's going on with you, I would really encourage you to talk to a doctor, specifically bring up research around this issue and estradiol cream as a treatment option, and ask them if there's a reason not to try it just to see if it does anything for you. If nothing else, estradiol cream also treats vaginal dryness, tightness, and inflammation (other symptoms of "vaginal atrophy"), so it might be worth a shot for those reasons anyway!

And don't do what I did; if they want you to do an ultrasound or whatever else, go with it, and rule out other possibilities. Listen to medical advice from medical professionals who know your medical history and who you trust are listening to you & know what they're talking about.

[maroonless]

✦ template

ta da!!

not that i was active here in the summer but that was the lowest of my art progress. i didnt do a lot of full pieces this year which is a little sad, but also im not gonna kick myself while im down; i did what i wanted and could, and thats more important

if you cant tell, i got into nu: carnival around august (maybe july? i made euri in may/june but didnt really kick into gear on him until a month or two later) and it all went downhill up from there ♫

i really should start showing you guys more of Newgold, though ... ive been so focused on euri and my little one-offs like Zookeeper and Love Knockout (am i naming my "one-shots"/stories that i dont know if fit newgold? yes), but i think if any of you are actually here for stories (especially of the fantasy genre, if not the Gay Ass Shit) youd love it. theres at least 5 years worth of worldbuilding & plot built up over daresay 20+ characters ?

anyways since ill probably be lazy about doing anything immediately feel free to shoot any asks about it. trust me if you get me started i wont shut up

[furymint]

2023 Creator Reflection

ffxiv.

1. dance me to the end of love

this one was fun! i always like merging a character's outfit with the bg so i liked doing that again. picking the colors for elliots outfit was also enjoyable. ive wanted to make smth w that cover for a while

2. shame was still the tyrant of his life

i only wrote two nol and eli things this year and neither of them are finished. the first was a continuation of a scene where nol kisses elliot against the blue stained glass in his room--i once posted it but then i deleted it bc it made me feel woozy for its allusions to sex. i wanted to rebuild it and take a shot at it now that im comfortable writing n reading sex, but i never got very far. theres actually lots of nice parts! i just like nols dumb angsting the best!

3. valentine

i really wanted to focus on nol's eye here, but also not make it too obvious lol. i used a ps filter like a schmuck but i wanted it to be darker without making it even more difficult to see, so i took away their bodies and limited the colors to make it what it is.

4. amateur cracksmen

the second nol n eli wip, which doesnt have many interesting lines rn, was a raffles-inspired story where eli drags nol as his valet to a rival artist's house and tries to steal back the brooch that he bought from an underground dealer feat. much babbling abt the state of societal responsibility that war is supposed to bring

ffxvi.

1. herz an herz dir

i wrote some reflections about this one already here. i honestly was very (distressed voice) cant believe im writing pure fanfic for the first time in over ten years and lacked a lot of direction when i started bc uhhhhh terence has 8 and a half mins of screen time. i tried to convince myself that it's not much different than me stealing brucemont for my own evil devices, but the unique perspective of seeing quite so much fan content def influenced my interpretation. i wanted their relationship to be much more imbalanced from the get-go initially--dion using his power unintentionally and terence barely passing a thought abt it until later bc he's just so accustomed to obeying--but i ended up giving terence a lot more sway & ammunition in their argument. the breakfast bed thing is also smth im rly fond of.

2. mund an mund

there's also additional meta for this one here. i made a silly doodle abt it also. dion kept picking fights here! it honestly turned out how i expected. when i first started this fic, i was gonna have dion start out right in oriflamme and meet ter and kihel there, but i booted them to northreach so i could have this stretch of conflict. i think it's like. Bad Pacing. technically. if i still believe the conflict introduced in the next chapter is the core one, that is. which i sorrrrta do. but i dont care bc i rly like the visual of kihel laying in dion's lap and getting to put a gun on the wall w ahmed.

3. eines atems

its been two months since the last chapter and this chapter is humiliatingly not written. i have all my scrambled notes and scenes that i jotted down in between the first two chapters, so i have a full direction, but it's been really difficult to write lately. ive been devoting all my time to trying to recoup my mental health and work on my teredio secret santa. ill start next year with this wip as a priority, so for now i only have the photoshop edit for it. kihel is holding terence's hand--it's his pov turn.

overall i didnt like this year very much. i didn't read, create, research or do a lot even though i tried to. i became really disconnected from all of my friends bc im too tired to stay for rp or hold online conversations. at this point, i dont play ffxiv at all except the few times i managed to rp a little. i moved into nanny's house and have my own space, but don't have the presence of mind to do anything about my pc, books, and so on, although i did make a lot of progress rewrapping my books w fresh wraps and some other things. my plans for next year are to reach out to a couple of my friends, build my pc, relearn + rebuild + relaunch my queer lit blog on open source code, survive school, and rediscover the productivity ive lost the past few years.

teredio has helped me a LOT to find community, inspiration, and art in my loneliest year yet. im very proud of my fic and grateful every day to the ppl who have reached out to me about liking it. even if im sorry about my productivity rate in comparison to how many extraordinary writers there are in the ship's fandom, i know i have to be easy on myself to relearn how to write, create a writing schedule that works for me, and stop punishing myself when i cant get the words out.

past reflections:  2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

[ge]

There's something I'm conflicted about about Tang Bo, because I learned about him through fanarts, but the ones I saw at the time were ones where he looked so feminine that I actually thought he was a woman, and I was happy about it because I like badass ladies (the two we have are nice, but it hits differently when the character is more like an equal).

And though I love Tang Bo as he is, I'm kind of disappointed that we didn't get more female characters, which led me to start writing my own fic out of spite with a female Tang Bo and try to explore the implications of him being a woman while being... Well, a dark saint.

But since changing Tang Bo's sex is a controversial take, and my intention is to explore the character of being a woman in the Tang family and the restrictions that came with it, so I tried to write them out of a hetero normative dynamic. 

Now I have this mix of an asexual but demiromantic-in-denial Chung Myung and an androgynous/lady Oscar-like Tang Bo (usually passing as a man) who sees marriage as something entirely political but loves Chung Myung so deeply while they're trying to figure out what weird thing they have between them during the end of the war against the demonic cult. Mostly doing some character study and world-building.

But I'm dealing with a massive writer's block, and I felt like asking if it's a concept worth exploring or maybe moving to a different type of story and scrapping the female Tang Bo concept.

Ugh, perhaps I should try to write the one shot with the aphrodisiac plot. Or if you have some plot ideas, I would write them. I just want to write, but I'm losing motivation because I'm unable to make any real progress.

Anyway, I'm sorry to bother you with this, but you're like the TangChung main account, so I thought I could have some insight about this ship that's been consuming my mind and care.

hmm its an interesting concept i suppose and i understand the want for more interesting and equal in terms of power/strength female characters but i wont lie when i say im probably not the best person to ask about this concept specifically since im biased and dont like genderbending a gay couple to make them straight, no matter how subversive you are with the tropes u use in their now cis hetero relationship.. if ur really interested in pursuing writing this idea and want my opinion on it, i dont have anything else to say about it unfortunately

as for any other fic topic, the aphrodisiac idea was funny and would make for a humourous fic id definitely read..! i am unfortunately sacked out on any other fic ideas LOL i put my cards all in w tang bo returns/lives aus and i cant really think of anything else that might be rattling around in my head atm hmmm..

tang bo lives/returns aus are pretty versatile so im sure something new and unique could be pulled from there & theres also a huge lack of chung mun & chung jin return aus which could be soooo interesting id love to read a fic where chung myung gets his brother(s) back, im also really into those fics where the disciples go back in time to a hundred years previous and meet geomjon chung myung and they become his disciples in that era.. maybe a gen fic of chung myung bonding w the kids or with tang gunak and the other alliance leaders.. etc etc

[reviewsclown]

Star Wars Attack of the Clones 2002

First post 9/11 movie and immediately there's a terrorist attack, people hate the confederacy even more than ever now, Obi-Wan and Anakin had a bit of a glow-up, they look good in these robes, Jar-jar shows up but he talks a lot less and also doesn't stick around so, they at least learned from the last movie. Anakin is weird about Amidala, dude you met her when you were like 5, it's been 10 years since then, it makes sense he's angsting over his slave mom he never saved instead of her. Anyways, he somehow very masterfully cut 2 bugs in half off of her without harming her or the bed, and Kenobi jumped out a window, very good banter between the 2 in the speeder chase, such a good relationship. Really feeling like the weird romance plot in this movie would be better if the first movie didn't exist, and this was actually Anakins and Amidalas first meeting, as bodyguard and bodyguard-ee you could make something interesting out of that. Dexter Jettster is neat, he an Obi-Wan are old friends and he knows knowledge that's hidden by the jedi, and also happens to be the hint towards plot progression, you think a species/planet(?) of cloners? would be pretty notable, but maybe it's something you want hidden, not common knowledge. Also it's stupid that they made the 'putting on a blindfold and dodging laser shots from a ball' official padawan training, you see a whole room of them doing it. That's just a thing Luke did once. The clone army is pretty neat, some guy who died was doing secret political machinations that no one knew about it until Obi-Wan happened to stumble across it, and of course it'll be put into use it'd be a waste not to, even if it's maybe not ethical to give the republic an genetically altered clones. Also Kaminoan architecture looks really good, it's something that works very well if you're making environments entirely out of CGI. The Jango and Obi-Wan fight just, really is not good looking at all, very interesting choreography choices, Jango Fetts an interesting guy though, bounty hunter who owns a ship called the Slave-One and used the cloning opportunity to have a son because maybe he's always wanted one? Maybe it's a vain mans legacy? who knows. I don't think it was very necessary to have Owen and Beru be actual blood relatives to Luke through Anakins mother, they should've just been kind people that took care of a kid that turned out to have history. Also Owens dad gets so racist about Tuskens that Anakin turns evil and goes on a dark-side revenge trip. This movie could almost be really good politically if it tried to actually be political and not a mainstream blend of shit that the average person would like, both sides secretly building a super big army of expendable guys through different methods. The treacherous count Dooku could be an interesting character with more depth, Qui-Gons master, the seperatist leader, the seperatists were kind of in the right about everything but none of the jedi saw it. They instantly removed all potential good-will by tying up prisoners in a gladiator slave pit with weird alien monsters to be killed, cant win 'em all I suppose? It exists entirely to do cool battle scenes with 30 jedi slicing through tons of chaff and aliens, also sets up Boba fett as, y'know, Boba fett from the original trilogy with his dad related angst, also the clones coming into play with their cool clone technology that has no relation to anything the empire has ever used for sure, with their big triangle ships and identical white armor and walkers. and the seperatists have their own big walkers and big ball space ships and literally invented the death star. Anyways, it's really a 'Attack of the Clones' outside, big things are coming that'll be adressed in the next movie

Beginning to see hints of ugly all-CGI movies in some shots in this, since they're doing entire big rooms with moving camera angles made entirely out of it, also some of the aliens are still a little plastic-y looking, somehow Watto looks even more racist than ever before, I don't know how they did it. Also they loved using very shiny chrome on some of the naboo ships and honestly, it looks pretty good, lots of shiny glare. The Geonosis droid factory is a similarly a very impressive entirely CGI environment. The actor for Anakin, not very good at expressing strong emotions, and there's a good few scenes where he's meant to show strong emotions and it doesn't work very well

Final Review: pretty good movie, I think, a lot better than the first because the things happening in it are actually important, good-ish politics bad-ish romance plotline, all will be answered in the sequel maybe possibly.

[namjooningelsewhere]

Fic Recs❤

Since i love fic recs so much and I am literally hogging each one of them, I thought it would be fun to have one of my own, These are the ones that are my absolute favorites and I have literally lost count of the times I have been going back and re-reading them. This is just one part of it though and these are all series. I have a separate list for one-shot, I don't know if this is how a fic rec should look, ?But ive tried to keep it simple.💖❤🤞

Completed:

The Pact - By @alpacaparkaseok

This is the first ever fic that i had read on tumblr, It just popped on my feed and i am glad it did. Its really beautiful and to be honest THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DATES I HAVE READ OR HEARD ARE RIGHT HERE.

Organic - By @ppersonna

This ones a social media au, Its sassy, super fun since the start and there isn't a dull moment. I had almost died laughing at the OC and Jins chemisrty and the rest of them as well . My all time go to if i am feeling super dull.

Who's Your Daddy? By @ppersonna

This is another social media au and my goodness this is as silly as sweet and mind you as sexy as it gets. This is altogether another level. Everything is perfection amplified here❤❤

Inevitable By @ahundredtimesover

This one hit home. I read the first chapter and god damn i was hooked like nobody's business. This one is super super close to me, One because Mimi has literally done magic out here on this fic and i think I'm the person who has chewed her brains the most with my 10 pager essays about what i felt. And secondly it is something very personal to me, Literally i have read it 20 times so far. My Absolute fav.

Perfectly Wrong By @xpeachesncream

This is a one hell of a interesting fic, Its absolutely beautiful. The emotions are so pure, So real and so precise to be honest. Absolute surreal. This one definitely makes you crave for friendships like them.

Bands By @xpeachesncream

This is the sweetest love story i have read. It had kept me hooked from the start to the end. There are moments which will make you literally cry, have a fluff attack (I use this term when the fluff is extremely good, So good that makes you giddy with the sweetness in a good way.)

CSG By @sunshyngal

This ones from my favorite writer, This story is so beautiful yet so delicate. Shyn has a way of portraying emotions too well and mind it it can be felt. This is one hell of a love story, Intense as ever.

Muse By @lavishedinjimin

This one will sure leave you in awe of the way its written, Super intense and oh damn you will literally feel chills as thwe story progresses. Its an art masterpiece, And Tae!! Ahem❤🤷‍♀️ He is a a different level hot and intense.

Falling From Grace By @sunshyngal

This is an epic fic, The hate and friction is intense AF and hottest ever. Its sinful AF and one of the hottest ones ive read❤🙌

Ongoing:

I Hate You, I love You By @borathae

This is a roller coaster of a story, One of which i can write a million words to describe how amazing it is. Its one of the fics that makes me jump with joy when i receive a notification of update. Its one of my ongoing favs and also one of the fics that i actually have lost count of the times i have gone back and re-read till date. This is the first ever story that makes me want to fall in love once again, After having given up the idea of it a long time ago. Its a fluff attack as it progresses. The emotions are on full swing in this one.

Death Valley By @bangtangalicious

This is one hell of a Netflix worthy fic! Period. If anything, I even have a list of actors for the OT7 and OC as to who can play who!😉🤷‍♀️

It will fucking keep you on the edge with suspense and it will blow your mind, head and whatever is left in you to bits!! I have literally never built theories or literally never spent connecting dots as i did for this one. Im not giving out spoilers, But this one right here had my heart beat racing every time there is a update. Mind-blowing is the proper word for it though.

Cyberslut By @kimnjss

Yoongi is another level in this, One of my fav social media au's. Its got everything, Mind-blowing and amazing. No matter how many time I've read it, still feels new like I'm reading it for the first time.

Silk and Lace By @sunshyngal

This is the epitome of perfection. I have never seen such characters. Intense is the least of it. Something about Shyn is she writes such female characters that are so head strong and courageous. You cant help but fall in love with them. Its an equal here, A story of two equals in their own ways.

Sadness of things By @sunshyngal

This is one i wait for updates like nobody's business yet i have no words to describe it. This story is something else, Actually something else. So many emotions are so perfectly written, its a memorable one. Its beautiful. Truly! Another example of a strong female character.

Abundance By @angelicyoongie

This fic is abundance of everything, Its as real as it gets. Its like built from ground up and it is nothing less than perfection. A perfect hybrid au.❤❤ If OT7 is your thing, You will definitely fall in love with this one.

I'm Not Yours By @hantaev

This is still starting, But i fell in love with the first teaser and hooked with second teaser and whipped with the First Chapter, No kidding its a beautiful story, with even beautifully written.❤🤷‍♀️

Maybe I Do By @chateautae

This is the first fic that I'm thankful for having long chapters. Every time i read it i just cant get enough. Its prefect example of how love has no definitions and you can even find love in the most unconventional ways. One of the sweetest love story I've come I've ever read. Maybe i just don't have enough words.

Incoming: Elite Chatboy By @kookingtae

This is so good that it should be illegal. One of the hottest ones ever. Chemistry, sass and sexual tension runs high in this one and keeps on edge. Interesting AF and hot AF!!!

Kanalia By @xjoonchildx

This is one hell of a fic, set in ancient backdrop! It intrigued me AF and then I couldn't stop myself from reading it again and again. The chemistry in here runs deep, one of the fics that I'm desperately waiting for the next update. It's going to be a masterpiece that I'm sure of!!

Lowkey By @xpeachesncream

I am eternally apologetic about not stumbling on this fic earlier, Thank heavens I did today. One of the most realistic ones yet most touching ones I've come across on tumblr❤❤❤❤

[baroquebucky]

fundraisers

bucky finds love where he least expects it

word count: 1.9k

masterlist

a/n: hi bffs i am back w my usual fluff ,, i hope u all enjoy !! let me know what u all think ! a fundraiser? more like raising buckys heart rate ! (I’m funny please laugh)

“it’ll be fun! It’s for a fundraiser and my friend is counting on us” Sam spoke, “and plus when was the last time you went to an arcade?” He questioned and bucky rolled his eyes.

“I’m 106 i don’t go to arcades” bucky grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and looking to the side. Sam rolled his eyes, walking over and sitting down next to his friend.

“Cmon buck y/n will kill me if you don’t show up, she already promised who know how many people that we’d show up” sam frowned and bucky looked at him angrily.

“fine whatever” bucky agreed reluctantly, “but I’m leaving after the first hour” he added quickly and sam smiled at him, knowing he would end up staying the whole time.

“you’ll get along just fine” Sam smiled, “the easiest thing you can do in life is fall in love with y/n y/l/n” bucky rolled his eyes. Fat chance.

“When is it anyway” bucky asked, sam gave him a toothy grin before replying, “tonight at 6! See you there at 5!” He spoke quickly, rushing out of the super soldier’s apartment before he could suffer the consequences.

Bucky groaned, his hands flying to his face before he checked the time, he had three hours before he had to head out.

You were giddy, it was your first fundraiser for your new nonprofit, posters spread around the arcade in hopes of reaching your goal. You expected a larger crowd tonight, the buzz of Captain America and The Winter Soldier making a guest appearance made your heart race.

You smiled as you saw bucky walk in at 5:30, you checked yourself out in the mirror next to you before walking towards him with a smile.

“Mr. Barnes! hi I’m y/n” you grinned, holding out your hand. He shook it lightly before giving you a tight smile, looking around for Sam.

“uh, wheres sam? He said he would be here by now” he asked you let out a breathy laugh, shaking your head.

“he’ll probably get here at like 5:30, he’s always late” you smiled and bucky laughed a little, the sound making your smile widen.

“I’ll let you go change into your suit, the restrooms are right over there” you smiled and bucky nodded, heading towards the restrooms, bag in hand with his suit.

Before you knew it people were filing in, Sam running out just in the nick of time to stand next to bucky.

As everyone met and took pictures with the two avengers you made small talk with some business people, giving out information about your fundraiser and graciously accepting donations left and right. You skipped over to the giant whiteboard near the prizes, smiling widely throughout the night as you colored in the box closer to the goal. Bucky smiled at how excited you were, he admired how passionate you seemed about your project.

The night progressed and you finished making rounds with most of the visitors, many people taking interest in how to help and spreading the word online. You finally let yourself relax, heading over to Sam and bucky who had already changed back to regular clothes and were sitting by the restaurant area.

“how’d it go?” You smiled at sam, ordering a water quickly.

“it was good, lots of people” he spoke, “my cheeks hurt from smiling, can’t imagine how hard it was for this guy” he teased bucky, nudging him with his elbow. Bucky frowned at sam, sitting up a bit straighter.

“i smile all the time” bucky spoke gruffly, “I’m a happy guys I’ll have you know” he turned his attention to you, smiling for a second.

“i never said you weren’t happy” sam shot back and you smiled as the two friends bickered.

“You implied it!” Bucky frowned and you laughed.

“okay notes break it up” you sighed, smiling as you finished your bottle of water. “any one wanna get their ass handed to them in air hockey?”

Sams eyes widened and he shook his head quickly, you groaned. Bucky looked at him confused, squinting his eyes a little.

“no way” sam replied and you pouted.

“why not?” You frowned, bucky was quiet as he observed the two of you.

“you’re a whole different person when you play!” Sam continued to shake his head, eating some of the fries bucky ordered, earning him a small angry ‘hey’ from the metal armed man.

“oh they can’t be that bad surely” bucky smiled at you, the frown on your face quickly replaced with a grin as you grabbed his metal hand and dragged him towards the air hockey table.

“oh god” sam mumbled, getting up from his seat and following the two of you through the crowd.

“you know how to play?” you asked bucky and he nodded. You handed him a paddle, and grabbed the puck, slipping in some coins and smiling brightly.

“for the record i am on Buckys team, simply out of spite” Sam spoke loudly, still eating Buckys fries.

“you’re eating all my fries!” Bucky grumbled and Sam rolled his eyes, shoving another handful of fries into his mouth.

“ready?” You asked and bucky nodded, you hit the puck gently, easing into the game. Bucky stuck it quickly, a smirk on his face as it smoothly went in. Your mouth dropped open as he scored.

“from what Sam said i thought you were better than that doll” bucky smirked, you felt butterflies in your stomach but you shoved them down, determined to beat him.

“was gonna go easy on you considering you might break your back trying to get the puck” you shot back, sams mouth wide open at your comment. Bucky smirked, you were witty and cute?

You took the puck and placed it down, hitting it quickly and bouncing it off the walls of the table, bucky strikes it quickly, you managed to hit it back before he scored and landed it cleanly in the goal. You smiled in satisfaction.

1-1

“glad to know you can score” bucky teased, hitting the puck, both of you focused on the game as you spoke.

“glad to know you won’t get a heart attack trying to keep up, old man” Sam watched from the side, eating the fries and enjoying the entertainment.

“i keep up quite well sweetheart” bucky replied, hitting the puck sharply and scoring, your eyes met and he smirked. You narrowed your eyes at him, grabbing the puck and hitting it quickly, he bounced it off the wall and you struck back without hesitation, the two of you going back and forth before you stuck the puck softly, catching him off guard before hitting it again and scoring.

“we’ll see about that james” your tone was sharp, bucky was taken back at the venom in your voice, looking at Sam with wide eyes.

“i warned you” the man chuckled, eating the last couple fries.

Bucky turned back to the game, both of you fiercely trying to score on the other.

“cmon thought you were a super soldier? cant use that extra strength to beat me?” You teased as you scored, bucky rolling his eyes at your tone.

“want me to put it to good use?” Buckys voice got deeper and you gulped a little, your Kees growing weak. He smirked and placed the puck on the table, your eyes unfocused as you thought of the tone of his voice. He scored easily, winning at you. “cats got your tongue?”

Your competitive nature got the best of you, anger rising in your chest as you saw the score, 9-8. You need two points to win, no way he was gonna beat you.

You set the puck down on the table, hitting it as soon as bucky tried to score again, not giving him time to move, a smile on your face as you heard it slide into the goal.

9-9

Bucky was silent as he set the puck down again, hitting it quickly, you were quick to react, bouncing it off the wall and into his own paddle. As bucky tried to move back to block the puck, he accidentally hit the puck with his paddle, causing it to slide into the goal and score on himself.

“i thought you could keep up?” You whined, pouting a bit before smirking at him proudly. Bucky bit his lip as the machine announced your win. You smiled at him as he set the paddle on the table, winking at him before turning around and telling Sam you were gonna go to the restroom.

Bucky was left in awe as you walked away, his mouth slightly agape. Sam smirked at the man, patting his shoulder as they walked to their table again.

“you like them dont you” Sam smiled and bucky looked at him like he was crazy.

“wha- me? No! i just met them!” Bucky protested and Sam rolled his eyes.

“as if you guys weren’t flirting that whole game?” Sam laughed and bucky shook his head.

“isn’t that how they talk to you when you guys play?” Sam widened his eyes and shook his head.

“oh god no i wish, last time they called me a bird brain!” Sam frowned and bucky laughed, “and then they said, ‘had known you were gonna play like this, i would’ve stayed home, it’s the same as playing with a fish’”

Bucky couldn’t stop the fit of laughter as Sam frowned at all the things you told him during the game, smiling slightly as he remembered the way you apologized after, hugging him and kissing his cheek and offering to buy him all the food he wanted.

“what’s so funny?” You asked, a smile on your face as you slid into the seat next to sam.

“just telling bucky all the things you say when we play” sam spoke and your face turned red.

“I’m really sorry, i hope i didn’t hurt your feelings or anything” you smiled softly and bucky shook his head.

“oh no I’m fine i get it” he smiled at you and you nodded, stomach in knots as you thought back to his words. Your throat went dry and you looked at him, quickly glancing to your hands. It didn’t go unnoticed by bucky though.

“actually, that super strength comment kinda hurt” he frowned slightly, trying his best to look genuinely hurt. You looked at him with wide eyes, frowning at his words.

“really? I’m sorry i didn’t mean it i swear, I’ll do anything to make it up to you” you spoke quickly, guilt washing over you.

“going on a date would make me feel so much better” bucky smiled and your mouth dropped, a smile on your face as you realized he was just messing with you.

You crossed your arms over chest as Sam smirked at bucky, proudly looking at him.

“if you wanted to ask me out you could’ve just said so sergeant” you smiled and bucky shrugged his shoulders.

“where’s the fun in that doll face” the two of you kept eye contact or a while, you wanted to just lean over the table and kiss him, bucky wanted nothing more than to crash his lips onto yours. Sam wanted more fries.

“is that a yes then?” Bucky asked and you were quiet for a moment before speaking up.

“maybe it is” you quipped, “depends” you smiled, making Sam shake his head as he realized where this was gonna go.

“depends on what?” Bucky questioned, cocking his head to the side as the smile on your face grew.

“how good are you at basketball?” You questioned, already getting up to head to the game, hand slipping into Bucky’s and pulling him behind you.

You were gonna be the death of him, but he didn’t mind it one bit.

[thefanficmonster]

Unconditionally. Completely. Infinitely.

Corpse Husband x Pregnant!Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Five months in and Y/N is not having such a nice time with the tenant that’s living inside her. She loves the company and wouldn’t exchange it for the whole world, but all the disadvantages are getting more annoying with each passing day. No worries, she’s not tackling it alone. Her amazing boyfriend, soon to be fiancé has her back.

Requested by Anon. Thank you so much for you request! As I mentioned in the reply, this is my first time writing a pregnancy fic so if I got anything incorrectly I sincerely apologize. I did some research but I can’t be sure I got everything right. If there’s something you’re not happy with, feel free to let me know. I’d be more than happy to fix the fic to your liking. Hope you enjoy ❤❤❤

“How are you doing, babe?“ This is his third time checking up on me in the last forty minutes and it’s downright hilarious. Since I can’t drink, for obvious reasons, I shoot my group chat a quick text to take a shot every time Corpse drops by to make sure I haven’t chewed off my own arm in frustration.

I’ve been chilling with a bun in the oven for about five and a half months now and it feels like I’m climbing a mountain that never stops getting steeper. I’ve progressively gotten more passive aggressive and cranky as though I myself am a baby. I think I’d be more aggressive and less passive if I could stand on my two legs without the room spinning right round. If I do manage to stand up, my feet won’t let me remain in that position for too long. I’ve heard foot massages help but to me that sounds like hell - I don’t like massages and especially not foot massages. I’d appreciate it if no hands came in contact with them, thank you.

“Yeah, I’m good. Don’t worry about me, I’m not that helpless.“ I give him a reassuring thumbs up. “Go do something fun, babe. Heck, do it twice - one time on my behalf. I don’t want you stuck with me like this.“

I’ve been trying my hardest to be my regular cheery self around Corpse. He’s been nothing but sweet, supportive and loving since day one and he doesn’t deserve to see me during my low points where my frustration is through the roof. Sure, this was kind of an oopsie for the both of us, but I’ll never forget how happy he was when I told him.

“So, you say it’s mine, huh?“ He jokes like this every now and then, never failing to get a giggle out of me.

“I don’t leave the house, silly! Of course it’s yours.“ Is my usual response. And it’s true. I really don’t leave the house. I didn’t leave it before and I can’t leave it even if I wanted to now. The pregnancy is hitting me hard and I spend almost all my days in bed.

It’s not a pleasing sight and I try to spare Corpse as much as I can. I try not to ask for too much from him, or from anyone really. I know I can do most of the things, if not everything, on my own, so why bother my loved ones to have to deal with my messy self.

“I’m not stuck, Y/N. I want to be here.“ He sits down next to me, “Plus, playing video games without you isn’t fun.“

I automatically cuddle up to him when he gets settled on the bed, resting my head on his chest, “Aw I miss play with you. But right now all of my little bit of energy is concentrated on not falling over whenever I stand up.” I start absentmindedly tracing abstract patterns on his chest, “Who knew that in order to develop a human you lose the ability to function as human yourself? I feel like a whale washed up on land. Big, tired and sad.”

He snorts, restraining his laughter just in case it might piss me off. He’s such a sweetheart, but he should know it would take a lot for him to piss me off. Even in this state. “How can I help? I’d do anything, you just tell me what. Maybe a mass-...” I lift my head to give him the well known finish-that-sentence-I-dare-you glare. “Maybe not...”

Suddenly, I feel pressure on both my temples. It’s not yet pain, but I know it will get there soon. I cringe as I force myself to remove my hand from Corpse’s chest, reaching towards the nightstand where there’s always Advil and at least two small bottles of water. I swallow one pill and chase it with a long gulp of water, making a mental note to take another if the pain doesn’t go away in 30-40 minutes.

“You know how you can help me?“ I say, carefully adjusting my position so the both of us are comfortable, “Distract me. Talk to me. Tell me how you see the future with this misfit that’s already giving me headaches.“

He chuckles, the noise vibrating throughout his chest. I can hear the speed on his heartbeat change - it has quickened. I can only write that off as excitement when he speaks: “I don’t think the headaches will go away. I have a frightening feeling they’re just gonna get worse. A lot more sleeplessness, but a lot less vomiting. A lot more standing up and walking around. A lot more smiles and laughter. More of our friends at out house. Who am I kidding? Rae alone will invade the entire house just to spend time with the baby. You and I be damned.”

I find myself visualizing every detail he describes, all the pictures so vivid and so realistic. A smile spreads on my face as I let myself get transported into Corpse’s version of the future. To be honest, his version is almost the exact same as mine, “If she’s so occupied with the baby, maybe we’ll be able to dip out for a date night every now and then. We may be parents, but we’re not even in our mid-twenties yet.” I sigh, closing my eyes for a second, “I now regret not leaving the house more often while I could, you know?”

“Oddly enough, I do too. I feel like I haven’t taken you on enough proper dates. We didn’t seen enough of the world while we had zero responsibilities, it almost feels like it’s too late now.“

I frown, sitting up to be at eye level with him. I gently rest my hand on his cheek, making sure he doesn’t try to avoid eye contact. “Listen here: Fuck the date nights and fuck the responsibilities. I wouldn’t mind being stuck in a single room if you’re there with me.” I think for a second. Deciding not to make the conversation too serious, I add, “That is if we have food and water. Wouldn’t want you to turn into a cannibal on me.”

He smiles, “I’d never and you know it.” I’m aware his response refers to both halves of my statement, putting my mind at ease.

Having sent my message across and having it well received, I sink back down in my previous position. His hand travels to my hair, his fingers combing through it carefully and sweetly, giving me that feeling of being in a bubble of love and safety. His touch has the ability to calm me down, comfort me, encourage me. He is my guiding light through the fog that represents the confusion from all the pain and exhaustion I’ve been suffering through recently. I know those bad sensations will pass, but the power he has over me is forever.

Him and I are forever. Well, Him and I and a new addition in the next four months.

“I love you so much, Y/N.“ He whispers, cutting through the comfortable silence.

“I love you too, Corpse.“ I whisper back.

“I hope our baby is like you. I hope it’ll be smart like you. Talk like you, act like you, look like you.“ He trails of, his voice wavering.

“I hope it’ll sound like you.“ I say mischievously, hiding my smirk in the fabric of his shirt

He laughs, “Sure, unless it’s a girl.”

“Are you kidding me?“ I giggle, “Especially if it’s a girl.“

His laughter rings in my ears, reminding me there’s always gonna be something to hold onto when you’re in pain. Be it his laughter, his touch, the look in his eyes. I’ll always have him there to relieve my pain. To take my mind off all my troubles. To love me.

And for me to love him right back.

Unconditionally. Completely. Infinitely.

@susceptible-but-siriusexual  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @itsminniekat  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis

[wizkiddx]

was thinking for toms most recent ig story it sounds like hes working out early everyday, what if u did a blurb where the reader does it with his and its like best friend --> something else ? sounded like a you type of story, id love if you gave it a go ❤️💕

oohkay so sorry this lit just came through this evening and I suddenly got v stupidly into it (if u put in a req before that I promise I am working on it I just got way to invested cos this is stupidly cute) xxxx

summary: what starts off as tom taking you under his wing and some sunrise workouts together might just develop into something more

“It shouldn’t be legal…. to be doing anything… this fucking early!” Spoken, well yelled, in between the fake strokes of the exercise bike and your pants. All you got in response was the two men laughing at you, no sign of sympathy at all, as your gritted your teeth - fighting against every body instinct to stop the movements. Your heart was pumping like the clappers; breathing shallow and rushed and your arms… your arms felt like they were about to fall off. Combine that with the lack of sleep from waking up before the sun did at 5 am - meant you felt like your were in literal hell.  

Why ever you’d agreed to do these workouts with Tom and Duffy escaped you. Being the new and rising actress, with a new supporting role in the next Spiderman, meant you’d spent a lot of time with Tom over the past few weeks. Not to inflate his ego either, but Tom had been a real life hero to you. See, you were the complete opposite of his experienced and seasoned professionalism - this was your first acting gig. And what a gig it was, the second biggest part in a Marvel movie. You never really believed you’d get the part and even when you did, were pretty sure it was some elaborate joke, where Ant and Dec were going to jump out from some corner and go ‘ha its a prank!’ or something. 

Yet somehow it was all still happening, you had been flown halfway across the world to spend three months alone on a film set. Well obviously not alone, but you knew no one - you were a complete outsider. That, really, was the reason you’d agreed to do these sessions with Tom. He’d offered half heartedly while between takes as you were moaning about how out of breath you got in that scene. At that point, you’d only known each other for a matter of weeks, he really hadn’t expected you to commit to 5 am each and every morning. What he wasn’t aware of though, was how ocmplerly stranded and lonely you felt here, hence why you jumped at his offer. 

And yes you loved to moan and complain when you were there, however you were also so incredibly thankful he ever offered. Duffy, Tom’s PT, was a right laugh too and he took great joy in torturing you - and was also entertained by the new and inventive ways you’d insult him after he ordered you about. 

“Come on Y/n, 200m more and then we are done, even your little arms can survive that.”

“Really … not the encouragement… I was looking for.” Still panting, face bright red and blotchy as you pressed your legs straight again.

“Tom? You wanna help Y/n out?” 

“Nah you know… kind of enjoying seeing her in pain.” The British voice laughed from somewhere behind you, making you roll your eyes.

“Why the hell… are you not… torturing him?” He sounded way to comfortable and relaxed to be working hard. 

“He’s got a stunt heavy day today so wanted to go easy this morning.”

Now that was a bloody joke. You were BOTH filming the SAME scene today, doing the SAME stunts. 

“Did I forget to mention Y/n is on set too?” The joy in Tom’s voice made you want to do horrible things to him. Even though you felt like you wanted to collapse on the floor, you’d happily do a set or two on a punch bag right now - if that punch bag was Tom’s face. 

Before you could hurl some fresh abuse at your costar, Duffy called time on the rowing machine, turning the display off and passing your water bottle over as you slouched on the slidey seat. 

“Done good Y/n/n, I am actually super impressed with your progress” The stocky man patted you on the back genuinely, bringing a bit of smile to your otherwise grimacing face. He went over the chat to Tom about some boy shit that you couldn’t care less about, allowing you a couple minutes to get your breath back. As soon as you did and tried to dismount the machine of death, your ruined legs seemed to have other plans, shakily buckling so you ended up starfished on the floor, groaning at the dull ache that came with the sudden movement. 

And what show of concern did Duffy show you? A belly laugh that echoed round Toms indoor gym making you groan again, throwing your forearm over your eyes. It was in fact the curly haired brunette, who came and knelt by your side, wordlessly balling up the towel and placing it under your head as you shot your eyes open in shock. 

“You okay? Sorry… I might’ve taken our friendly competition a bit too far.”

“I just… just might have to gain the power of flight this afternoon cos my legs aren’t gonna bloody work.” Tom chuckled and shook his head at your dry humour. 

“Oh I’m sure we can talk to Jon and get that arranged… not like Marvel don’t spend years crafting the script and storyline for a newbie actor to change it all.”

“Might I remind you… they wouldn’t have to if your weren’t such a dickhead!” You exclaimed, sitting up and staring at him with an exasperated look than only made him burst out laughing again. 

“I’m sorry I’m sorry… I just cant take you seriously when you look like such a tomato!” His voice went an octave higher as he laughed at himself, the situation getting even worse for you when you heard Duffy join in too. 

The boy was bloody lucky you couldn’t lift your arms right now, otherwise they’s almost certainly be attempting to ruin his pretty boy face. 

/////////////////////////////

After a long day of shooting you and Tom were in one of the set buggies, being taken back to your trailers to change for the evening. There was a peaceful silence until Tom ruined it yet again.

“ Got any fancy plans for this evening then?”

“Well you know me, back to my lonely little old place and  frozen pizza - so living the movie star life.” 

“It’s a Friday! You not going out with your team or anything?” He sounded so bemused at your quiet plans, and mention of a ‘team’ had you cocking your head to the side. 

“‘My team?’ Tom until I get my movie star pay check I can barely afford my pizzas, never mind a whole persons wage.” You were still only three weeks into filming and although you spent an hour every other morning sweating your ass off with Tom - apart from that you’d tried not to impose yourself on him too much. You didnt want to look clingy and naturally Tom always had a mountain of people vying for his attention - you would go to the back of a long line. So honestly, you were still a bit of a mystery to him, right now you’d both only scratched the surface on each other. 

“Really? I know this is your first big job but I thought you’d have someone here?” 

“Nah… I mean I’ve kinda clung to the Marty on the camera crew but he’s going to see family tonight sooo.”

“Come back to mine. I’ve swapped Harry for his twin Sam, which is a bit of an upgrade cos Sam’s a chef. He just arrived last night. I bet he can one up any pizza you were planning on.”

“Honestly I don’t want to impose, sorry I didnt mean for this to be a pity party or-“ The buggy slowed to a stop and Tom instantly vaulted out of it, standing right infront of you and blocking you exist off the back sofa. Both of you were still in costume, Tom in latex and you in your corset-esque two piece, but then both wrapped in matching long line black jackets supplied by set. 

“No come on I’m serious… Sam’s dying to meet you and it’d be good to spend more time together. You know, cos of chemistry and all.” The last bit was a switch from his cool and smooth, normally easy going tone - into something a bit more… anxious? Just like that, before your brain even knew what it was doing, you agreed, smiling broadly and nodding. 

So barely an hour later, you were knocking on the doors to Tom’s mansion-ish rented Atlanta home which was much much more grand than what the studio had arranged for you. Even though you were here most mornings, this time it felt different. Yeh it was stupid, but you can’t help the way you feel and you were stressed. For no real reason… just, just because. 

Thankfully, it wasn’t awkward at all  and you especially instantly hit it off with his younger brother Sam. Everything just felt easy and simple which meant so much more considering you’d felt so isolated an alone halfway across the world for your home comforts. Being British too, simply chatting to the two young men about your hometown and growing up was just so familiar, it really helped you feel less homesick.  Naturally too,  you’d fallen into a casual and friendly ribbing of Tom with Sam, making the three of you spend to majority of the evening cracking up (or in Tom’s case pouting at the abuse). It was a nice change from the two on one attack you got from Tom and Duffy that morning. You’d all cooked dinner together… well no, you and Tom had stood idly watching Sam cook an amazing chicken curry dish - which he promised to give you the recipe too. Honestly Sam felt like your long lost best friend, especially when it came to your shared ability to berate Tom for anything and everything. 

About an hour ago Tom had stuck on the film, effectively shutting up you and Sam - thankfully for him since Sam was just about to get to some rather embarrassing stories of Tom as a kid. You and Tom were on the longer grey sofa; with Sam sat  the other side of the coffee table in an impressively soft armchair - looking as though it was swallowing the lanky boy. The calm, the silence and the comfort was only going to go one way for you though. After your workout this morning, plus all the running and jumping during the shoot,  after what had already been a pretty intense week, it was hardly surprising that you didn’t even notice yourself drifting off the sleep. 

Who did notice though? Perhaps your brown haired costar who’d been stealing glances across to you ever since the movie had been put on? Because as much as he hated to admit it to himself, this didnt seem to be panning out as a normal job. A normal job is something you put your all into, for a couple weeks, and then leave with good memories and a good pay check. Yes, he had only known your for a matter of weeks or so but it already seemed to be unfathomable to cut ties with you. How would he go without your kind mannered abuse everyday? You were just refreshing, new and mysterious. And Tom was more than intrigued, his interest was peaked. 

And it was stupid to feel like that…. Of course it was. You can’t fancy a colleague because things get complicated and awkward. Tom knew that. 

Then why was he now delicately draping a blanket over your frame and smiling smally when you hummed in your sleep, in what seemed to be a show of appreciation for the layer of warmth? 

Because you were his excited puppy of a costar who is giving everything she has for the job? Because he is worried and wants to look after you? Because he cares? 

No matter why, in that moment you were contented and as was Tom. Oh and Sam? 

Sam saw the tell tale signs in his brother. He saw the way Tom had been touching your arm or the small of your back just a little more than what would be considered normal while he’d been cooking. He’d seen the way Tom had been laughing purely because you had. His eldest brother never did anything rash, it was always a painfully slow process for everyone involved. But Sam thought this just might be the start of something. The start of a slow burn.

[darylsgirl]

He’s just like the sun, Part 3  Daryl Dixon x Reader 18+

Summary: Daryl had broken you again, You had turned to rick for comfort finding a different kind of life with his family. Negan finding you in Rick’s home ends up bringing you back to Daryl. For Always <3

Part one                    Part two

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Hey lovelies! If any of you have stuck with this story this long then i really appreciate you!! Apologies in advance for the extreme roller coaster of this chapter! I decided not to proof read this one and just go with my gut on the progression, So if there’s any mistakes or anything you didn’t like as always please let me know! Also let me know if you liked it and if i should right some more Daryl/Norman stuff as i don’t think i’m ready to let it go yet aha! Also! I decided to add pictures of the people when the pov changes and for the reader i added my own pictures from a shoot a few years back. If it’s too cheesy let me know haha! 

I hope you enjoy my crazy mind!

Love to you all! Love Jen x*

Warnings: References to abuse, Smutty smut!, Talks of violence, Lots of cussin! 

Recap:

You had tried to talk to Daryl after that and he had pretended you didn’t exist. You were grateful that because of your growing friendship with Rick he had let you stay with him and the kids. 

You found yourself spending more time watching Daryl wishing he would just look at you but he never did. 

It was on one of these nights watching him that you saw it and he broke you all over again..

------------------------------------

This was worse than anything Spencer ever did to you, You could handle him hurting your body because he was never able to get your heart. Your heart had always been safe with Daryl until now….

You turned to leave when your clumsy self managed to kick the plant pot over, His eyes met yours. You couldn’t stop now, You couldn’t look at him. You carried on and ran back to Rick’s house bolting the door behind you and ran straight to your room. 

Rick followed you “Y/N, What’s going on?” As he was about to reach you, The pounding on the front door started. “Please don’t let him in” Rick looked confused and walked to the front door unbolting it. 

Your eyes met again as you slammed the bedroom door locking it behind you and hid inside your closet locking that too. 

You tore at your hair, He lied. Spencer was right! He was right and you were a fool. You could hear them now getting closer shouting at each other, You held your hands over your ears, You couldn’t hear any more of his lies! You knew it was only a matter of time before they were in the room and he would find you. Without a second thought you left the closet and left through the open window. 

You went to the only place you could think of that he wouldn’t look for you. 

Rick’s Pov

The kids were in bed and he was enjoying a few minutes of peace for a change. He was always running off for some reason or another. It was nice to just have a typical family night. He didn’t think these were going to be possible once the end came. He and Y/N had made dinner for Carl & Judith and played a board game with Carl occupying Judith by pulling silly faces at her. When Judith started to get tired Y/N put her down and came back to finish the game with Carl before sending him to bed too. 

You and Y/N had sat in comfortable silence in the living room before she had decided to go take a walk and He had stayed back to keep an ear out for the kids, He’d cleared up after dinner and now just sat in his living room enjoying the peace. 

Before he could let out another contented sigh the front door flew open. Y/N Slammed the door behind her and had locked the deadbolt. Within a flash she was flying down the hallway to her room. 

Rick jumped to his feet chasing her “Y/N What’s going on?” He reached out to her as she got to her doorway when the sound from the front door made him spin around.  “Please don’t let him in” Y/N begged. He shot her a confused look before heading to answer the door. 

They weren’t knocking any more they were trying to kick it in, You flung the door open in between kicks seeing who was there “What the hell brother! My kids are sleepin and you’re bringing this shit to my door?” 

Daryl tried to push past Rick but he caught him and pushed him out of the house. “Your not comin in here like this, What’d you do. Why she tell me not to let you in”

“Get outta ma way Rick. Ya don’ understand” Daryl yelled. 

“I’m tryna understand, brother, Tell me what happened?” 

“Y/N, Y/NNN PLEASEE” Daryl rushed Rick again and got past this time. 

Rick rushed past him down the corridor and blocked Y/N’s door. 

“You needa calm down Daryl, She don’t wanna see you right now” 

Daryl had seen read and spat “Oh yeah? And she wants to see you does she? I seen the way you look at each other. I seen her rushin into ya arms all the time, Good ol’ boy rick. Moving in on another man’s woman!” Daryl was pacing now clenching his fists.

“Woah now buddy, I haven’t moved in on anything. It aint even like that. She needed you but you were off with Nicole so I was there for her. She’s family we all needa look out for each other” 

“I don’ wanna do this with ya now Rick, Get outta ma way or ill move ya my damn self!”

Daryl pushed past him again and easily broke the lock. Searching the room Rick’s eyes locked on the open window. He pointed it out to Daryl. “Ya gonna have to look somewhere else - She’s gone” 

“Cant have gone far” Daryl said before taking off out the window after her. Rick put his hand through his hair and walked back into the living room, He looked through the front door and saw Nicole standing there. He glanced over her and shut the door. 

Not dealing with that shit too he thought, Taking his seat back on the couch. 

Daryl’s Pov

He knew you had been watching him since your fight, He had been watching you right back, Wanting more than anything to just run to you and keep you safe, But you would never be safe with him, He was a virus turning everything around him to shit. 

Nicole was becoming less of a welcome distraction since she had kissed you before Y/N was found, She was now everywhere he turned, She changed her shifts to match his and would try and walk with him home after trying to get him to invite her in. 

He hated her incessant nagging, How she always found a way to touch him. Pawin at him. He tried to tell her to stop but it only seemed to make her more determined. 

Y/N understood when to push and when to back off and Nicole just wasn’t understanding the back off part. 

Between Nicole’s naggin on shift and Carol’s nagging at home he was starting to lose it. He wanted to go on a long ride out and be alone but he couldn’t leave again. Even though Spencer was now dead he couldn’t risk leaving Y/N alone in this town without him to keep a watch on her. 

Carol had caught him staring at Y/N’s usual spot at the table and huffed “How many times have i told you to go get that girl back hmm? You need to apologise and make it right! You treated her bad Daryl but she still needs you. If you go to her now, She’ll forgive you” 

He knew she was right but he couldn’t fight the feeling that this was still all his fault he had done this to her, He hadn’t fought hard enough to have Spencer from the community and had let his guard down around him. 

His daddy was right, he was worthless and didn’t deserve love. 

He wondered what Merle would’ve thought of all this, Probably would have told him to stop being such a pussy and go get his woman. 

He looked over at Carol. “You really think she’d forgive me now?” She nodded yes “Now go get our girl back” He looked over at the clock he had a few hours before shift. He could do this. 

He ran through the streets until he made it to Rick's house and stopped in his tracks when he saw you through the window, Happy. 

You had your arms around Judith and Rick had his arms around you both while Carl was pulling faces at her making you all laugh. 

Looking through that window was like looking into the home he had always wanted. Y/N just slotted right in to their family like she was always meant to be there. Making him think she was never meant to be with him. 

He watched for a while, watching how comfortably she took Judith to bed, Then lay back in Rick’s arm’s laughing with Carl. 

He couldn’t watch it anymore. He couldn't watch you be happy with your best friend, Giving him that smile you had previously reserved only for him.

You stormed off into the dark towards the tower and watched Nicole send the previous shift home waiting at the bottom for you as she always did. 

Once the other guys had left he went for it, Storming forward he grabbed Nicole and pushed her up against the tower. 

“Guess it’s your lucky day aint it girl” He kissed her harshly feeling her submit to him instantly She tried to wrap her arms around him and he held her hands back. He moved his hands to her jeans impatiently wanting to get this over with and feel something other than regret and shame. 

She helped him now pull her jeans off and then his. Lifting her into his arms he plunged himself into her, Clasping his hand over her mouth to stifle her moans. He fucked her, this wasn’t the gentle love making he would have with Y/N this was transactional and he was regretting it already. 

All he could do is wish it was Y/N in his arms in his bed holding her body close to his loving on him. He didn’t want this. He started pulling away Muttering that he was sorry to Nicole when he heard a smash to the right of him. 

Instantly meeting her eyes. Shit. 

Y/N

Sitting on the floor with the door open you drank, Drank that big bottle of special whiskey he was saving for a “Special occasion” Fuck special occasions the only special occasions left were the days you were still breathing. 

You were finally able to look at the mattress, You were surprised it was still there, You were surprised anything was still here in this house. You thought when you had come in that they would have set to work on it already clearing it out to make use of it again but no everything is still exactly where it was left when you were last here. 

You weren’t sure how long you had been there before Rick had found you. He came and sat on the floor next to you taking the bottle from your hands and taking a swig. You sat in silence like that until you’d finished the bottle between the two of you. Shaking the empty bottle to show you, Rick took your hand in his. “You ready to go home now?” 

You nodded at him both standing feeling a little more than tipsy now he wrapped his arm around your shoulders guiding you up the stairs and out of the house. You walked back to his house like this taking comfort from the warmth of him on the chilly night. When you reached the porch you settled into the swing outside.

Rick nodded at you understanding, He walked inside and sent Rosita home who must have come to keep an ear out for the kids. She smiled at you when she left. Rick came back out to you a few minutes later with a fresh bottle and a blanket. He sat down and threw the blanket over the two of you and handed you a glass. You took it gratefully your original buzz was already wearing off. 

You wrapped yourself back up in Rick again sighing into his chest, Drinking your whiskey and just enjoying the moment. These were the only moments that you could feel your mind pause and go numb, Rick had that effect on you. He was uncomplicated, simple and you could never question his loyalty to his people and how far he would go to protect any one of you. 

You smiled into his chest now, Rick stiffened slightly. “Wanna tell me what happened earlier?” 

You took a deep breath and offloaded - Something you were learning to do quite well. 

“I saw Daryl with Nicole. They were behind the guard tower. They were” You choked on the next words “Let's just say they had moved past first base running straight for a home run” 

“What a Dumb ass, I’m sorry you had to see that Y/N” he murmured into your hair kissing it. 

“I’ve told you before your welcome with us, The kids love you and i can’t say i mind you here either” 

You looked up at him now moving your head onto his shoulder “You sure Rick? I don’t want to be bringing any more drama to your door, The kids need a simple happy life now” 

He smiled down at you hearing that he brought his hand to your cheek caressing it.

“I’m sure if you are Y/N, The kids will be ok. Little bit of excitement will keep em on their toes” He chuckled. 

Maybe Rick was exactly what you needed right now, You knew you would never want to be without his little ones now they were making you feel whole again and given you a new reason to carry on. You loved them.

You both stared into each other's eyes leaning in ever so slightly to him, You saw him lean in also when you heard someone clear their throat. Both of your heads span towards the noise. 

Daryl was leaning against the rail of the porch. “So this is what not moving in on another’s girl looks like huh Rick?” You stood up from the swing about to defend yourself and then realised you had nothing to defend. He did.

“What do you want Dixon? Come here to Lie to me some more or just trying to further ruin a nice evening?” 

His eyes went dark “I aint ever lied to ya Y/N” You Scoffed “Yeah okay after today you think i’m going to believe anything you say?” 

Rick saw this as his queue to leave he grasped your hand slightly “Gonna go check on the kids, You gonna be ok?” You nodded and smiled up at him “Yeah i'll be ok, He may be an asshole but he won’t hurt me...Not Physically anyway. I’ll be in soon” He let go of your hand, walked into the house and shut the door. 

You walked past Daryl into the street and away from the houses knowing he was following you. Once you had walked far enough away you span around to him. “What, Could you possibly have to say to me?”

“It’s like that now is it Y/N?” His eyes looked hurt. 

“Don’t you try and turn this on me Daryl. You ignored me for weeks, When I needed you! And if that wasn’t hard enough to take, You completely abandoned me. Making me watch you with her for weeks! Then!!! I had to see you Fucking her! In the open! What the fuck is wrong with you Daryl!!” 

He stayed silent staring at the ground. “Every moment for two months i thought about being back to you desperate for you to love me again, But you were full of shit. You lied you fucking lied to me. Just tell me the truth now. Why did you even bother coming tonight, What more could you possibly want from me?”

“How many times i have to tell ya, I aint ever lied to you. I do love ya and ya love me!” He looked down ashamed. “She was just easy I -” You scoffed “Yeah i saw how easy she was” 

He continued “Will ya listen to me woman!” He seethed, He waited until he was sure you were listening “I couldn’t face you knowin it were ma fault. Feelin like i did this to ya. I couldn’t even touch ya without feeling sick, I heard ya know. I heard ya tell Carol what that vile bastard did, I wanted to go back and rip his heart out. I would of ripped mine out and given it to ya, If it would of helped” 

“What good is any of this now Daryl, You’ve betrayed me on every level” 

“Let’s talk about betrayal naw should we? That was my best friend you were cozying up to back there”

“Nothing happened Daryl, I can’t say it wasn’t going to but at that point it hadn’t but so what you’ve moved on with her” You spat the word her with as much venom as you could. 

“I only did what i did because i saw you two tonight, Cuddled up like one big family his arms around ya, I couldn’t take it i needed to feel somethin other than shame and pain….She don’t mean nothin to me -” 

“That makes it so much worse, That someone who means nothing to you could take you from me”

And like magic there she was lurking in the shadows approaching “I meant nothing to you D? Then what was that back there?” 

He rolled his eyes groaning “Crawl outta ma ass woman!” 

You glared at the two of them “I hope your happy together, Stay away from me Daryl” 

“No Y/N no I won’t I love ya! And you love me. I know you do” 

You stormed off back home now aware he was still following you begging you to stay with him. He was still on your heels when you got home Rick met you on the steps hearing the commotion outside you ran to him letting him pull his arms around you and take you inside, You looked back at him, He was crying now “Y/N please, Please Choose me” 

“You didn’t leave me a choice Daryl” You shut the door behind your both and Rick guided you up to his room, He lay there just holding you until you had cried it out and fell asleep in his arms and for the first time in a long time when you woke you weren’t alone. 

Daryl’s Pov

Nicole had had the gone sense to leave him the fuck alone after last night, Yeah he felt bad for using her then abandoning her like that, He hadn’t meant to be an asshole and he would apologise. He just couldn’t face it yet. 

He lay in their bed facing her pillow and closed his eyes imagining she was still there beside him, Why couldn’t he have gotten over his damn ego sooner and just been there like she needed. 

Carol had given him the ear chewing of a lifetime when she had found out what had happened. He didn’t care, He didn’t care about nothing anymore there was only Y/N and now she was gone. He had driven her into the arms of his friend like a fucking idiot. 

He had tried not to watch them after that night. He had tried to do as she had asked and stay away from them but he couldn’t bare not seeing her face everyday. He watched as she held his hand and he brought her dinners to the infirmary. He watched as she played with Judith and read to her. 

He watched as their family nights became more frequent, All around the table like the perfect All American Family. The one thing he didn’t ever see was them kiss, Don't get him wrong he didn’t want to see that but he still thought it was odd. All those nights with both of them cuddled up on the porch and not one kiss? Maybe there was still hope? 

Y/N Pov

You weren’t sure if you were happy that Daryl had listened to you and stayed away. You missed him, He had hurt you sure, but you still missed those eyes and that irritatingly gorgeous southern drawl. 

Carol had started coming to the house more to see you, You had missed her too. She had become such an important person in your life and it had made you laugh watching her being so curt with everyone but you, With you she let her walls down she was loving and kind. 

It was on one of these days sat on the porch with Rick, Carol, Carl & Judith that it happened. 

You were all laughing having Judith point to each of you and say your names, She pointed to Rick “Dadddieieieee”, Then to Carl “Carrrrullll” then to Carol “aun carell” and finally to you.

“Mummmyyyy” The group fell silent now.

You froze not knowing whether to laugh or cry. It had made your heart swell with joy and sorrow. 

You looked up at Rick who seemed to be in the same torment as you, Shock across his face. 

You turned Judith to face you “No Baby its Auntie Y/N” She grumbled at you grabbing on to your hair “mamamamama” You looked back up at Rick, He just shrugged standing up “Anyone need another drink?” You handed Judith to Carol “I’ll just be a minute” You looked at Rick’s back going into the house, She nodded in understanding. 

You followed him in and saw him leant against the kitchen counter with his head in his hands.

“I’m so sorry Rick, I didn’t mean for that to happen” You stuttered “I never told her that’s who i was” You said approaching him and putting your hand on his arm. 

His head shot up “Course you didn’t. But that’s basically who you have become to her now. She loves you” He pulled you into his arms looking into your eyes. “We all do” 

The moment you had waited for again for weeks was here again he softly pressed his lips to yours looking for approval, You smiled and kissed him back. It hadn’t felt electric like it had with Daryl; you hadn’t even felt your core stirring as it did with him, But it was nice and it made you happy and helped you forget for a minute.

Rick looked back into your eyes, Lovingly brushing the hair from your face “We’ll take it slow okay?” You giggled and put your hand back in his. “Okay slow it is Mr Grimes” He smiled back at you and led you back to the porch back to this incredible family who had accepted you fully flaws and all.

You continued like this in your happy bubble trying to ignore that strange niggling feeling in the pit of your stomach. 

One night after you had put both of the kids to bed you decided it was time to break the cycle of sweet kisses and cuddles in the night, You needed to feel something more, You needed to know if it was just Daryl that could make you feel like you did or if Rick could do too.

Coming down the stairs you spotted him in his usual spot on the couch, Head back, Eyes closed with a glass of whiskey in hand. 

You took a deep breath, this was your time to try. You headed over to him swiftly straddling him and took the whiskey from his hand, Draining it in one and placing the glass on the table behind you.

Rick looked up at you curiously, Carpe Diem, Seize the day You thought to yourself pushing your lips to his urgently. He met your urgency with his, Wrapping his arms around your hips and pulling your core closer to his. 

You reached down to the buttons on his shirt, Fumbling slightly as you opened his buttons. Once you had finished with the top button he pulled his arms away from you letting you remove it fully. 

Your hands happily roaming his chest now. Rick put his hands to your hips grabbing the sides of your shirt and pulling it over your head, his hands now reaching to the clasp of your bra and his lips moving to your neck kissing and sucking with need.  

“Wait! The curtains!” You moved off his lap, Your hands covering your almost naked chest, You looked out briefly across the street to see if anyone had seen Rick came up behind you wrapping his hands around you, Kissing your neck. You giggled, grabbing the curtains and slamming them shut. 

Turning around you let your lips meet his again, stumbling back to the couch you let him lay you down and remove your jeans, You watched as he stood and kicked his off too. With you both now only in your underwear he lay on top of you grinding his erection into your core, his hands and lips now roaming around your chest. 

You let out a stifled moan covering your mouth with your hand, The last thing you needed was the kids walking in on this, Rick wandered your body for a few minutes kissing every inch of your bare chest and stomach. 

He made his way back up to your lips kissing you sweetly before asking “You’re sure about this Y/N?” 

Rick’s Pov

He had been unsure how to feel about this new closeness with Y/N, His kids sure seemed to love her. He was starting to think it may be possible that he did too. 

Once Judith had started calling Y/N Mama it had settled it for him, Watching them day after day together, Watching her teach Carl about medicine. She had brightened up a once somber home.

Hell she was brightening him up, After losing Abe and Glen to Negan he didn’t think it would be possible to laugh and have a carefree day again, Between all the commotion with Y/N and Negan’s threat still looming she was the most incredible distraction. 

He was happy to move at her pace, After everything she had been through she deserved to take things slowly for once and for the first time in a long time they had a home that gave them time. 

As a man he couldn’t say he didn’t want her, In fact he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her, Every time her body brushed against his he felt all the heat from his body move to his groin, Desperate for more but unwilling to push her before she was ready. 

He couldn’t believe it when she had come down and jumped on him, He thought it was one of his dreams at first, When he saw her beautiful body undressing in front of him he thought he could have exploded right there. 

Groaning when she moved off of him to close the curtains, He couldn’t take anymore and followed her putting his hands all over her body enjoying the glorious heat coming from her body, How sweet her neck tasted. It was so overwhelming.

He got her back to the couch knowing they would never make it upstairs. It was like the fever had taken hold and his body was burning for her. Hearing the sweet moans coming from her nearly pushed him over the edge again.  He had to last longer than this, She deserved it.

Trying to stem his emotions, Needing to make sure he hadn’t pushed her too far.

“You sure about this Y/N?”

He could see the fire in her eyes as she nodded “Yes, I’m sure” Bringing her lips to his again urgently pushing her tongue inside his mouth, He me it swirling and dancing their tongues together. 

Annnnnd just like every other time he had tried to enjoy himself, Someone just had to ruin it. 

There was banging at the door “RICK, RICK we need ya naw!” 

Shit! Daryl! 

He saw the panic in Y/N’s eyes too as you both jumped up and hurriedly dressed, “JUST A MINUTE!” He checked himself and you over making sure you were both clothed and opened the door to him “What? Where’s the fire?” 

“It’s Negan, He’s early” 

He locked eyes with “Y/N, You got the kids?” 

“Yeah i’ve got them don’t worry just go!” 

Rick ran after Daryl down the street towards the gate when he came across them, As always trying to instil fear in his people. He felt the rage replace the previous burning lust. He knew he had to keep this down or he could risk someone being hurt. 

“Well well Good old Ricky boy” He nodded at him “Negan, You’re not due for another 3 days! We aint ready for you yet” 

Negan laughed “What do i care if you’re ready? You’re ready when I say you are! You should have learnt this already or should I have lucille teach your guys another lesson?” 

“NO! We’ll get ready, Just give me some time”

“I’ll give you some time Ricky boy, I could sure use a drink! Keepin you asshole’s in check is thirsty work”

“I’ll have someone bring you something”

“You call that hospitality? I came here to your town to do business and you don’t even invite me into your home for a drink? Now that won’t do. Besides I don't see Carl and that badass is much better company than you pussy’s” 

Negan brushed past Rick Lucille resting on his shoulder and walked cockily up to Rick’s home, Acting as if he lived there he just wandered straight into the house. 

“Well aint this a surprise! Rick the prick has been keeping you hidden! What’s your name sweetheart?”

Y/N pov

You looked at Negan hate filling your eyes, You stayed silent trying to convey all the hate and anger you could in that one glare when suddenly a noise on the stairs broke your concentration, Head whipping around there was Carl rubbing his eyes still in his Pyjamas. “Carl go back to bed sweetie, Don’t come down here” 

“Now now girly. I’ll have you know he’s the one i’m here for! Get your ass down here Carl”

You looked at him desperately now “Please he’s just a child, He’s tired let him go back to bed” You pleaded with him. 

He smirked back at you. “Well i can’t say no to a pretty face. I’ll tell you what you mosey on and get me a drink and tell me your name honey and carl here can go back to his sweet dreams” 

You jumped up and grabbed the Whisky from the side board and a glass slamming them on the coffee table and rushing towards Carl “It’s Y/N” You muttered before ushering Carl back to his room.

“Stay here Carl, Lock this door and don’t come down no matter what you hear” 

“I’m not a kid Y/N i can handle myself” 

“I know you can Carl you could probably do better than me, but we need you to stay here with Judith and keep her safe. Can you do that for me?” 

He looked thoughtfully for a minute and nodded “Yeah i can do that” You kissed his brow “Thank you, Thank you. I’ll come and get you when he’s gone” 

You descended the stairs slowly, eyes flicking between the men in the living room, Negan was sitting in the same place you and Rick had been earlier and Rick & Daryl were standing by the window being guarded by two men each. You stood by the door eyeing him warily. 

“Well come on down Y/N Come sit by me, Have a drink, I promise i won't bite…. Well not unless you ask me to” Winking as he said this.

You poured yourself a glass and sat as far away on the two seater couch as you could. 

“I think you guys need a lesson in manners! When i said sit by me i wasn’t kiddin!” He grabbed your arm pulling you to his side and wrapping his arm around your shoulder pinning you too him, He raised his other hand and ran his fingers across your face to your mouth. 

“God, Aint she a pretty thing! That mouth looks damn great” He looked at Rick now “Now if you were a polite host you’d let me have a go at the pretty little mouth, I bet it can do some dirty, Dirty things. Am i right Rick?” 

You whimpered trying to escape his grasp, Feeling the tears of anger threatening to fall. 

A few seconds later both Rick and Daryl were forced to the floor as they both tried to get to you. Daryl yelled “Get ya no good mitts off her!” While Rick yelled something similar. 

“Shit, They double teaming you sweetheart” You glared at him still not speaking. “Well? Cat got your tongue? I come here in good faith just wanting a drink with a pretty girl and you just look at me like that? I can make you talk Y/N. I’ll show that one Lucille's thirsty side if you want?” Starting towards Daryl

“No!” You screamed, Negan Laughed in response. “You gonna do as you're told now sweetheart?” You nodded letting the tears fall now. 

Pour me another drink and come and sit right here, He patted his lap for emphasis. You felt the revulsion coming up your throat as you did as he asked, Your face sheet white not daring to meet the eyes of Rick or Daryl as you sat in his lap. You thrust the drink into his empty waiting hand. 

“You wanted to talk so talk” You spat at him mustering all the venom you could. 

He laughed “What no foreplay? Bet you could be real dirty” He used his free hand running it up your thigh. “And what makes you say that?” You said Glaring at him “Well for one, Your shirts on inside out darlin” He said pulling at your shirt enough to see down it.

 They couldn’t fully restrain Daryl now. “Get ya dirty fuckin paws off of her, Don’t ya touch her.” The two guarding Daryl had forced him back to his knees now. 

“Now now” Negan tutted, “This won’t do. I’m sorry to ruin such a lovely date darlin but that one’s got to be taught” He released you now pushing you onto the couch before rising and nodding to his men who dragged Daryl from the living room whilst the others released Rick, Rick ran straight to you pulling you in arms, “You ok Y/N” “I’m fine, Daryl, Daryl needs you” 

You both made for the door to see Daryl on the floor being repeatedly kicked in the stomach Rick tried to restrain you and talk Negan down at the same time. You fought past him and flung yourself over Daryl protecting his body “Stop this! I’ll do whatever you want Negan just leave him alone” 

“Now that’s more like it!” Negan whistled at his men to stop and grabbed your arm again pulling you tightly against his chest and his core. Holding you there for a moment smiling at your squirms. “Thought this was your woman, Not his. Guess your anyones aren’t you honey”

Daryl tried to stand back to his feet stumbling back to his knees as he tried to make it to you again. 

Negan laughed again “Looks like you’ve got a lot on your hands, The sanctuary’s doors are always open for a sexy ass like you, So come find me when you want a real man” He grabbed your ass as he said this kissing your cheek and then releasing you. 

You rushed back to Daryl kneeling in front of him again protectively. “C’mon Sheriff lets go check on my goodies” Rick looked at you worried, You nodded back at him and he left with Negan. 

Carol and Sasha were there in a flash. You looked at Carol desperately “It’s ok Y/N i'll stay with the kids you take care of him” Without a second thought you turned back to Daryl putting his arm around your shoulders and lifting him. Sasha rushed forward and grabbed the other side helping you carry him to infirmary.

When you had made it Sasha hurried back out the door to check how the situation was going with Negan. 

You started cleaning Daryl’s face softly watching his eyes flutter open as you did.

“Y/N?” He tried to stand “Where is he? I’ll fuckin kill him!” 

“Shhh, Daryl Shh it’s ok. You're ok.  Rick’s with him” He lay back down his eyes trying to hide the pain as you said Rick’s name. 

“What ya even doin here Y/N Aint cha gotta get back to your boyfriend”

Hearing him say boyfriend like that boiled your blood “I’m here because your stupid ass got yourself beat up and I had to jump in to stop them killing you! What did you do that for! Why did you even care?”

“Ya boyfriend sure as shit weren’t gonna do it, Ya expect me to watch that piece of shit Negan run his hands all over ya too?” He spat at you before continuing.  “He were lookin where he shouldn’t, He was lookin at what was mine” 

“Fuck you Daryl, I’ve managed to take care of myself pretty fucking well with out you and yours? You gave up the right to call me yours when you pussied out.”

“Don’t call me that! Ya call what you've been doin well? You let him put your hands all over ya Y/N You let Spencer - “

Yelling now “Don’t even fucking go there! How fucking dare you. You have no idea, Yeah you said you heard me tell Carol but you have no idea what it was like being there. You have no idea what he did to me! He was relentless! He made me wish I was out there with the dead, I’d have rather been torn apart by walkers over and over again” 

Anger flared in you again when you felt the burning tears on your face. Wiping them away furiously you refused to let him see you cry. Not now.

His eyes had softened now “Y/N i didn’ mean too I’m sor-” 

“I don’t want your sorry’s Daryl, I want you to lie down, shut up and let me take care of your wounds so we can go back to pretending the other doesn’t exist” 

He tried to speak again, You shoved his shoulder down on to the bed “I said don’t, I don’t wanna hear it”

He cast his eyes downwards and let you continue with your work. You checked him over, pulling his shirt off nonchalantly as you could manage trying to keep your breathing steady when you saw his rippling muscles. You were pissed that after everything your body still craved him. You felt yourself blush as your mind wandered for a few moments remembering all the kisses you had laid over that incredible chest all the times your nails had dragged down his skin in ecstasy. 

Shit, He had noticed your blush, You turned away clearing your throat. “All done, You can leave now” 

There was silence for a few minutes neither of you moving, The tension building by the second. 

“Why was your shirt on backwards Y/N?” he breathed clearly not really wanting to know. 

“Don’t be Naive Daryl. You know why” 

“So you….You….With him?” 

You took a breath sighing you couldn’t lie to him “No I didn’t, We didn’t get that far. I don’t know if we would have done” 

“I disturb ya?” You nodded feeling oddly ashamed. 

Surprisingly he grinned “So in all that time, Ya never did?” 

“So what? Rick gave a shit about me! He gave me time to heal and be ready!” 

“Nah he didn’t he just knew ya wern’ his” 

You rolled your eyes, Not this again. 

“I’m my own Daryl, You need to stop thinking you have a claim on me” 

He rushed up to meet you amusement in his eyes “If i had no claim on you, Then ya’d of let him do it and you didn’ “ 

He pulled you close to him now, Your body betraying you and instantly melting into his. 

“Ya mine and ya know ya are!” 

He didn’t give you a chance to argue as he pressed his lips to yours, You unwittingly moaned into his mouth opening for his tongue naturally letting him in and letting him take charge. 

Daryl gripped your hips pushing you backwards and then up onto the bed. He pulled his lips away letting his forehead rest on yours, Both of you taking a moment to catch your breath.

“I’m yours Y/N just like ya mine Y/N we belong to each other always have.” He said confidently, You looked in his eyes seeing only the truth. He continued “An i won’ hear ya deny it again”

“I’ll show ya every minute how serious i am, I’ll make ya believe me when i say i love ya. I love ya so fuckin much.” He looked awkward before blurting out “I’ll show ya if you marry me.”

Holy shit! Did he just say what you think he did? He pushed his lips to yours again murmuring “marry me” between every sweet kiss. Not allowing you to think he was fully on you again, You could no longer tell your body from his with the rush of lust burning in you. His hands were like fire pushing their way up the back on your shirt pulling you closer. 

You were ripping his shirt open now, Buttons flying in your desperation to get back to his chest, He followed your lead now pulling your shirt roughly over your head and bringing his lips to your neck sucking and biting. 

You pushed his vest and the remains of the shirt off his shoulders hearing it hit the ground you hurriedly moved your hands to his belt undoing it, Then his button and zip. Hearing his jeans hit the ground you smiled into his lips, Grasping his huge member with your hand and pumping it. “God Y/N slow down your going to rip it off before we get to the good part!” 

You slowed slightly earning a grateful moan from him, He fumbled with your button moaning into your neck. Tugging at it again he lifted your hips and ripped the jeans from your legs. 

He looked down at your writhing against him, “Damn girl those pantie’s again?” He played with the lace in his fingers for a moment before pushing his finger through the fabric creating a hole. 

He looked at you mischievously “oops, Guess these are no good now huh?” 

Your mouth dropped open as you watched him grab your panties with both hands ripping the fabric from you. Scraps of fabric falling from his hands, He wasted no time cupping your heat and pressing on finger to your opening, Swirling it slightly. He Moaned into your mouth again “Always so wet for me Y/N” he brought his finger to his lips sucking it. “Mmmhm so sweet”

Your eyes fixed on each other as he slowly knelt between your legs bringing his face between your legs and licking you slowly, Running his fingers tips softly down the inside of your thighs making you shudder. 

As much as you hated to admit this to yourself after everything that had happened, You knew nothing and no one could make you feel like Daryl did, It was like your body was attuned to him. Desperately craving more, Needing more of him. 

He ran his tongue down from your clit to your opening, Darting it inside you. “Oh shit! Mm Daryl” You moaned. 

His thumb moved to your clit swirling around it urgently while lapping up your juices as they came. 

“Aahhh babe i'm gonna cum, Get up here please!” 

He smirked up at you “Tell me who’s ya are Y/N”

He swapped his hand and mouth around driving two fingers up to the hilt in you, nibbling on your nub softly and attacking it with his tongue. 

The dam holding back your pressure burst suddenly, Crying out you held his head into you and rode out your release on his hand. He moved his mouth back to your opening drinking every drop that leaked from you. 

Gasping you felt the pressure retreat from your body, You saw Daryl's mouth still working on you and felt the heat returning so suddenly. 

He left a sweet kiss on your nub running his hands up your body and standing between your legs again, You saw he must have removed his boxers during as you could see his amazing length propped up against his stomach. 

You licked your lips staring hungrily at it. He pumped himself a few times before bringing the tip to your folds. You pushed your hips further towards him dying to feel him inside you again. 

He held your hips in place stopping you. Holding his lips close to your ear. “Who’s are ya Y/N Tell me or i walk” 

“For fuck sake Daryl! You know! I’m yours now take me!” You growled. 

“Tha’s better girl” He nipped your ear still holding your hips tightly and drove himself into you hard. You whimpered when you felt him fill you to the brink, You would never get used to his size. 

“FUCK” You screamed as he held himself still inside you waiting for your body to open up further for him. 

“God, I’d almost forgotten how big you are!” You exclaimed, Resting your head on his shoulder. 

“Trust me Y/N, I aint ever gonna let ya forget again” He growled into your ear pulling almost all of the way out before thrusting deep into you again

“I’ll never forget how tight ya are, how ya get so fucking wet fer me.” 

All of him was sending your senses into overload seeing his incredible body, His hands touching you everywhere, Muscles rippling under your fingers, The words he spoke taking over your every thought, His scent masking yours now and his sweet taste lingering in your mouth. 

It was too much to take with his rhythmic pounding. You felt your walls tightening while your nails dragged down his skin, “Tha’s it girl cum for this cock”

You tried to hold on waiting for his release. “Y/N i can’t hold on much longer, Let go for me baby”

His words sent shivers down your spine and you felt yourself explode around him, Crying out and falling backwards on the bed. He leant over you gripping the bed at the side of you pounding harder into you, Taking your nipple in your mouth he moaned onto it.

Your walls were clenching now with the remnants of your release driving him over the edge. He moved his mouth to your shoulder biting down hard trying to control his loud moans.

With a few last pushes into you he pushed himself to the hilt inside you crying out your walls draining every last drop of him. His arms faltered and he collapsed onto your chest. 

You were both gasping for air then, Your head still blissfully foggy. Holding him in your arms grateful for this moment, This was where you belonged. In this moment he was starting to feel like your Sun again. 

He pushed up and out of you now lying down fully on the bed and pulling you on top of him. 

“Round two?” He grinned. “I think we had best go see what’s going on outside, Negan’s still here and I need to talk to Rick.” You sighed looking away from him “This isn’t fair on him” 

Regretfully you got up from Daryl and handed him his boxers, You both got dressed slowly not wanting the moment to end. 

Once you had dressed making sure your top was on the right way round this time, Daryl left his shirt there as it was useless now. You turned to him “You ready?” 

He held your face in his bringing you to him and giving you a long loving kiss. He sighed contentedly “I am now” 

You placed another kiss on his lips. “Ok, Time to get back to real life!” 

As you walked through the door Daryl went to hold your hand, You pulled away looking at him apologetically. “Not yet Daryl, I still need to talk to Rick. I don’t want to hurt him” He nodded at you “Ok but talk soon?” You nodded back and left the infirmary. 

Heading towards the group at the gates you noticed even with the limp he now had from the beating he took earlier he seemed to be walking a little taller, You smiled wiping it quickly and putting a serious face on. 

“Y/N! Came to take me up on my offer of a real man eh?” Negan said cockily striding over to you. You stayed silent glaring over at Daryl hoping he got your meaning and didn’t try anything again. He balled his fists but stayed in place. Rick made his way over to you now looking between you and Daryl curiously before putting his body in front of yours. 

“You got what you came for Negan, I think it's time you let us be” 

“Oh hoho! Rick the Prick getting jealous!” He turned to you winking “I’ll be back to see you again Real soon Y/N Make sure you’ve got a glass waiting for me and i'll have a lap waiting for you” 

Leaning forward he kissed you cheek and whispered in your ear “Nice to see you got your top back on the right way” You blushed furiously and noticed Daryl had come to your other side fists still balled up close enough to strike if he tried to touch you again. 

Negan put his hands up in defense “All righ guys and gals, Pack it up and let's get rolling”

Turning back to you “Awh hell and one for luck” He pointed at you with Lucille and pointed to his cheek. You swallowed your revulsion and pecked him quickly on the cheek before darting back to Rick and Daryl. Rick and Daryl both went to put their arms around you protectively and you brushed them off. “Oooh you do have the boys in a tizzy!” 

With that he jumped into the van patting the door and left Alexandria. The group as a whole let out a collective sigh when the last of the cars drove out and the gate had been slammed shut behind them. 

Rick put his arm around you nodding at Daryl “We need to go make sure the kids are alright. Goodnight Daryl” You nodded at him too and allowed Rick to pull you home knowing this was going to be difficult. 

You think a part of you did love Rick but it wasn’t fair to him to continue this when you knew how you and Daryl felt about each other. 

When he closed the door behind you, You headed straight up to Carl’s bedroom to check on him and Judith. Judith was sleeping peacefully and Carl was by the door waiting for you, You guessed he had been at the window for a while watching out for danger, Your little ranger. 

Carl let out a big yawn when you told him all was fine, You saw him back in bed tucking him in and kissing his forehead goodnight before heading down to Rick. 

“Whiskey?” You asked walking into the kitchen. “Please” You grabbed two glasses and poured a hefty amount into each. Knowing it would definitely be needed. 

“Porch?” He nodded in agreement and you both made your way to the swing instead of taking your usual place curled into him you sat on the other side of the bench looking at the glass in your hands. 

“Soooo -” You started awkwardly. “It’s ok Y/N, I know.” You looked into his eyes “You do?” 

“I do, I think I always knew you were jus passin through, On your way back to him. Jus promise me one thing?”

You nodded still in shock at how easy this conversation had gone, You took a big gulp of your whiskey. “Anything”

“Promise me you’ll still be around for the kids, I know we didn’ intend it but with Judith now seein you as her mum, I just can’t bear to see her lose another one.” 

You leant forward now putting your hand in his “Rick i love those kids, Like they were my own. If they want me I will always be here for them whether its like a mum or whatever they want me for, I’m here.” 

His turn now to take a big sip of his drink, He pulled you into him, You let him curling into his chest like always. “I don’t want anything to change with you either Rick, I still love you. It’s just a different kind of love” You looked up at him and allowed him to press a loving kiss to your lips. 

The kiss was a goodbye to what could have been. Breaking the kiss and nuzzling back into his chest, You laughed “I’ll still be here to cook the kids dinner can’t let their dad poison them!” He chuckled back at you, “The doors always open Darlin an your rooms always waitin for you if you ever need it again”

Daryl had made his way over to you both nervously, Rick nudged you. “Evenin Daryl” “Rick” He said curtly staring at you. You kissed Rick on the cheek and stood up out of his arms making your way to Daryl putting your hand in his you smiled at him. 

Rick chuckled again “No need to look so nervous man, Y/N and i had a chat about it. Were cool, Wouldn’t be right if i stood in the way” 

Daryl looked visibly relieved moving from you to Rick giving him a swift hug. You headed into the house and up to Rick’s room packing your small bag of things. On your way back down you popped your head in on Carl and Judith smiling happily as you saw they were both asleep. 

Heading back to the porch Daryl had your glass in his hand now empty. 

“Kids are asleep, I’ll be by at breakfast to talk to Carl. I think he needs to hear it from me” 

Rick nodded at you looking nervous all of a sudden. “I’m gonna be leavin on a run to gather more supplies for Negan’s next visit. Can you watch the kids for a few days? I’ll let you know when?” 

You smiled “Happy too. See you at breakfast!” 

You and Daryl left the porch, He took the bag from you lugging it over his shoulder, You walked past the house he shared with Carol and aimlessly walked around the town. Daryl was the first to break the silence. 

“That was too easy righ?” “Yeah, But he’s a great guy just wanted us to be happy” 

He looked uncomfortable brushing the hair in front of his eyes “Why’d ya kiss him Y/N?” 

“Don’t worry love, That was just goodbye” 

He nodded thoughtfully. You stopped near the fence “Don’t be jealous Daryl, Rick will always be a huge part of our lives, Especially now… They became my family… Don’t make me choose” 

“I wouldn’t dream o’ it sunflower” “Good because you’re basically a step dad now, Sure you don’t wanna run Dixon?” 

He laughed awkwardly “I’ll take it as long as it comes with ya. Jus don’t make me wait too long. I’ll be wantin my own” 

Your eyes went wide. “Really?” He pulled you to him, “Yah really. And I want to start the fun bit right now.” 

You knew it was coming this time but it still made you gasp when he bent down and threw you over his shoulder heading home with urgency. You laughed smacking his ass as he walked. “Always with the caveman routine Mr Dixon” 

He smacked your ass back grunting “Man know how fire work” Eliciting a full laugh from you, You loved silly Daryl, Who were you kidding you loved every mood of the frustrating Daryl Fucking Dixon. 

You waved to Carol in the living room still over Daryl’s shoulder, She grinned back at you as he kicked the door open to the basement and carried you down. Throwing you on the bed you moved to pull him too you. He pushed you back. 

“Naw wait a minute lil lady!” He rushed across the room searching in a draw, He was holding something in his hand now coming back to you. 

You sat up curiously “Daryl what’s -” He cut you off “If you’d shh for one damn minute i’ll tell ya..” He looked at you amused. 

You pressed your finger to your lips cheekily. He looked nervous again now. 

“I got this on the run just before...Well before all that. I knew then I had to have ya be mine” 

He unfurled his fingers holding a beautiful silver and diamond ring out to you. 

“I were serious, I want ya to marry me. Naw Gabe has set up the church we can do it all official like if ya wan’” 

“If you want to do it all official Mr Dixon you’ll be needing to get down on that knee for me!” 

He chuckled at you instantly following orders. 

“Will ya be mine….For Always” 

You paused making him squirm for a minute before smiling “Yes Daryl, I absolutely will.” Happy tears springing to your eyes.

He gave you that beautiful megawatt smile you loved trying to put the ring on the wrong finger fumbling with nerves, You laughed and helped him put it on the right one before moving onto his lap sweetly kissing him. 

Pulling you up to him he kissed you gently moving his lips from yours down to your chest. You moaned his name, The loving kisses driving you wild already. 

You stripped each other slowly savouring the moment. Lying back on the bed bathed in the moonlight he pulled away staring into your eyes, before slowly moving his fingers up your inner thigh around your core, Making sure to not touch too close to your core. 

His fingers traced a bath over your stomach to the other thigh and down he bent his head kissing you from where he started and followed the same path his fingers had run, Following his kiss with his fingers again.

Not once did you break eye contact. He moved from your legs repeating the same movements over your arms across your collarbone down the other arm kissing your ring finger before moving to your lips. 

You wanted to remember the way the moonlight glistened on his skin forever, You closed your eyes letting him kiss you deeply, Moving over you and shadowing your body with his, He nudged your legs apart slightly breaking away from the kiss. 

He stared into your eyes again filled with love before he moved his eyes to your lips slowly pushing inside you. Watching your lips form an ‘o’ gasping as you felt him slowly enter you. 

It was too much to take you pushed your lips to him deeply again letting him make love to you slowly. 

Like every time before it you didn’t think He was capable of out doing himself again. But he did! 

It was heaven, every hair on your body standing on edge, He rested his forehead on yours not breaking eye contact again as you both quickly became undone under each other's gaze. 

Moaning each other’s names, His slow rocks into your body becoming more urgent as he approached his limit, Seeing the effect the slow love making had had on him sent you over the edge, Moaning his name louder now your body shook, grinding down needing to feel all of him. He exploded into you watching your rolling orgasm. The pulsing of his cock making the rolls of pleasure last longer. “Oh god, Oh god Daryl Mmmm Baby, I love you”

“Fuck Y/N I love ya so much” His body twitched as the last of his seed emptied deep inside you. He rolled to the side thoroughly spent gasping for air. 

All you could see was stars now. Panting to calm yourself down you rolled onto his chest. Curling into him. 

Your eyes struggling to stay open after that earth shattering orgasm. 

You whispered, “For Always, my sun”

He kissed your head “For Always Sunflower” 

You fell into a blissful sleep, There was not a single person who could of been happier than you ever again not with Daryl Fucking Dixon by your side. 

<---- Previous Chapter

[comphersjost]

More Than This ➸ Mikko Rantanen

its 3 am and i couldnt wait to post this. its self indulgent, all of it

You have a thing for bigger guys. And Mikko, well, he takes notice.

word count: 3.9k+

warnings: slight angst? if you squint, reader cant get off, size kink (obviously), smut, thigh riding, mutual pining if you squint, sorta best friend!jt

masterlist

You didn't know how you let JT talk you into letting him swipe through your Bumble account. And you definitely don't know how he managed to get you to let him do it while displaying your phone on his Apple TV. And what you absolutely, totally, completely did not know, was how you let him keep going when Ryan, EJ, Gabe, Mikko, Naz and some of the wives and girlfriends arrived at his and Josty’s shared apartment. 

You'd known JT for years, so your dating life wasn't exactly a new subject for you. Besides, it had seemed fun at the time, the group of you lounging around the living room as JT swipes through Bumble for you.

“Hey what about this guy? He's cute!” Gabe says. JT scrolls through the guy’s profile.

“Wait,” you said, stopping him from scrolling any further. “6’4? Swipe right.”

The group erupts into laughter at your words, though you were being completely serious. JT swipes right anyways without scrolling through the rest of “Andy”’s profile, the group cheering as you match. You lock eyes with Mikko, completely by accident, and the dark look in his eyes tells you he knows something you don't. He stands, announcing he's going to get a drink from the kitchen, but you don't miss the smirk tugging at his lips as you gulp, your eyes travel up his hulking frame. 

Your attention is pulled away by Naz saying something about a guy’s bio being “ultimate douchebag vibes”, and that’s when you decide it's been enough. You snatch your phone back from JT, disconnecting from the screen mirroring despite the protests around you. 

“You guys have snooped into my dating life enough,” you laugh, “All thanks to Comph here, but that’s enough, seriously.”

With a grumble, the group relents, allowing the conversation to progress past “6’4? Swipe right.”

-

You were staring again. 

You knew it too. You also knew that if you didn't stop soon - like, now - you were gonna get caught. Again. Just as a thought goes through your head, you feel an elbow digging into your side. 

“If you want to fuck him, just shoot your shot.” You turn to glare at Ashley, finally tearing your eyes away from the blonde brute on the other side of the bar. You reach over to smack JT with the back of your hand as he starts laughing.

“Fuck off, dude,” you say, rolling your eyes. “Even if I wanted to - which I don't, by the way - I couldn't.”

“Says who?” JT says incredulously. “Besides, don't you have a thing for big dudes?” As your oldest friend of the group (though he wasn't always your friend for as long as you've known him, he was your brother’s friend from college before you moved to Denver), JT had the most shit to talk. 

“Says my contract with your team, Jimothy.” The ginger grimaces at the nickname, but lets it slide, opting out of his usual reaction of punching the guys in the arms when they called him that. Instead he laughs again at your defensive expression and your avoidance of his question, turning to call the rest of the guys back to your table. Your glare intensifies as he gives you a shit-eating grin. 

“Technically you don't know that it says that. What's the worst that could happen, Y/N?” he teases, wiggling his eyebrows in a manner that was so unlike him. Drunk JT was the worst you thought. “I'm sure he’d be down for a -” he pauses dramatically “night of passion.” 

You gag at the way he says it, at the same time you here an accented voice say.

“Who wants a night of passion?” 

You tense, not having realized the rest of the team had actually come back so quickly. You force yourself to relax and paint a playful smile on your face, turning to look at the Fin. 

“Nothing, Jimothy’s just being stupid as usual,” you say dryly, scooting over as Mikko motions for you to move further in the booth. You pretend not to notice Ashley’s shit-eating grin as Naz rolls his eyes at her antics. Luckily no one at the table says anything incriminating before the boys start up a new conversation. 

In the chaos you almost don't notice Mikko stretching, placing an arm behind you on the booth. But you do notice, and it makes you stiffen. Mikko feels your body go rigid, glancing down at you with a confused pout. He leans down for a moment until his mouth is by your ear. 

“Are you okay?” he murmurs as his hand drops to caress your shoulder in what you guessed was supposed to be a comforting manner. 

“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” you lie easily, avoiding his gaze. “Just a little on edge.” 

If it was possible his voice lowers, making you strain to hear him. “Just relax.” And - that really doesn't help, heat settling in your gut at the words. 

“Actually -” you say abruptly, finally meeting his eyes for the first time that night, “I think I’m gonna go home. I’m just not feeling it.” 

You can see Ashley watching you closely from the corner of your eye, but you don't turn to look at her. Instead you raise an eyebrow expectantly, motioning for Mikko to get up out of the booth so you could leave. He looks surprised by your sudden desire to leave - lips parted in confusion and what you thought was a hint of hurt. 

With a reluctant look on his face, Mikko slides out of the booth, stepping aside to let you slip past. You send a quick wave to the table, and after a brief goodbye, head towards the exit to wait for your Uber. You assumed Mikko sat back down as you walked away, so it surprised you when you heard Mikko call after you just as you'd begun to walk towards the curb. 

“Y/N! Wait!” 

Your step falters for a moment as you glance over your shoulder, pausin to let Mikko catch up with you. He reaches for you for a moment, before pulling back. 

“Are you okay? Seriously.” 

And like, you hate the concern in his voice. Stupid you think. Stupid accent and stupid pouty lips and stupid - 

Your thoughts are interrupted by Mikko repeating your name, softer this time, as he takes a step closer to you. Your breath hitches at you stare at him towering over you, trying to force yourself to think of anything other than how his massive hands would feel on your body. 

“Yeah,” you finally choke out, taking a step backwards towards your waiting Uber. “Yeah, I’m good, just - I'm just tired and have a lot on my plate right now.” 

You're reaching for the door before he can respond, barely catching his faint “Text me when you get home safe!” before the door is closed. You pretend not to hear him. The driver glances at you in the mirror quizzically, seemingly wanting to ask how you left Mikko Rantanen outside of a bar without so much as a goodbye, but thinks better of it, turning up the soft music on the radio as he begins the drive towards your apartment. 

You feel drained when you finally get home, showering and changing into more comfortable clothes as quickly as you can before crawling into bed. Your thoughts drift to Mikko as you close your eyes, the heat in your gut from before returning. You consider taking care of yourself, but considering you haven't been able to get off in weeks, the idea seems even more exhausting, so you let sleep overtake you. 

- 

“You didn't text me.” 

You glance up from your laptop to see Mikko standing in the aisle of the plane, his eyebrows furrowed into a slight frown. 

“What?” you say dumbly, you stare up at him, forcing your attention away from one of his enormous hands as it curls around the back of the seat in front of you. You only succeed in noticing his thighs in his basketball shorts, the chiseled muscles making your mouth go dry.

“When you left yesterday,” he clarifies, pulling your gaze away from his thighs. “I told you to text me when you got home safe.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, oh.” 

You're taken aback by irritation in his tone - and slightly offended. Who was he to be annoyed with you? 

“Well, I was really tired, so…” you trail off, eyes falling back to your laptop screen. You hope he takes it as an end to the conversation, and luckily, he does. 

You feel bad for being short with him, but JT and Ashley’s teasing from the night before - and, let’s face it, from months before - was getting to you. You can't help but watch Mikko’s back as he retreats, heading back to the front of the plane where he usually sat. 

You see him slump in his seat, blonde curls barely visible over the backrest, and a pang of guilt shoots through you. It’s gone the moment you catch JT’s eye, flipping him off as he grins knowingly, before shaking your head and focusing on your work. 

You didn't have time to lust over Mikko. Not when you had the job that needed your complete focus. 

The flight is short, and you arrive in Edmonton faster than you thought you would. You try to ignore Mikko’s burning stare as the players and staff exit the plane, trying your best to tune into the animated story Josty was telling JT. 

You breathe a sigh of relief once you close the door to your hotel room, finally relaxing for the first time all day. The game wasn't until tomorrow, so you knew you had time to do what you wanted - which was absolutely nothing. 

And nothing you did, lounging around in your room watching Netflix and declining an offer from JT to go out with, well, everyone. It didn't help that you knew Mikko and Mark’s room was directly next to yours, but as you heard the chaos of a group of 30 grown men, and then some, heading out for the night, you relaxed a little more. 

An idea pops into your head when the noise finally fades, your hands slipping further down your body to rest above your shorts. You were tense, and needed release - desperately. You give in to yourself, slipping your fingers under your shorts and panties, gasping as your fingers slide through your folds. You're already wet, sensitive from not having been able to cum in weeks. 

A soft whimper escapes your lips as your fingertips find your clit, rubbing gently to work yourself up. You can't help the noises that escape your mouth, trying to keep yourself quiet, but easing up when you remembered that everyone had gone out. 

Your breath quickens as you rub tight, fast circles on your cunt, your back arching. Your other hand finds your breast through your thin t-shirt, pulling and pinching at your nipple. The added sensation makes you moan loudly into the empty room. 

Your hand moves faster and faster in your panties as you pinch your nipple roughly, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth to keep yourself quiet - just in case. 

You're so so close, you can feel it. Your orgasm is right there, and it feels endless as you chase it. You move the hand that's playing with your breasts down to slip under your panties, sinking two fingers into your pussy. Your back arches even more at the feeling, whines escaping you now even with your lip between your teeth. You just - you need something to push you over the edge into you euphoria but - 

“Fuck!” you sob, your body collapsing back onto your bed as your hands cease their movements. You draw your hands out of your shorts, repeating “Fuck”, before resigning to the fact that you just can't cum. Tears slip down your cheeks as you attempt to catch your breath. It ached, how bad you needed to cum but you just couldn't. So you give up on, trying to find anything else to focus on. Only hours later did you find yourself falling into a restless sleep. 

- 

The knock on your door makes you jump, the sound echoing in your empty apartment. You frown as you think Who the fuck is here this late? You'd only just gotten home and settled from your trip to Edmonton, finally relaxing on your couch with Netlix already pulled up and ready to browse through. You're so caught up in wondering who could be at your door that another three heavy knocks sound at the door. 

 Impatient much? you think bitterly as you make your way to the door. 

You nearly slam it shut again when you see who's on the other side. 

“Mikko,” you say, a questioning tone to your voice. “What are you-” 

“I heard you.” His words are abrupt, cutting your sentence off. You frown, not understanding what he means. You step aside to let him come in, and he doesn't hesitate before sweeping into your apartment, slipping his shoes off and taking a seat at your couch. 

You raise your eyebrows at Mikko’s boldness as you come to stand in front of him, about to ask him to clarify what exactly it was he heard, before he answers the question for you. 

“Last night. In Edmonton.” 

Your blood runs cold, but his voice lowers, thick with intention. 

“I could hear you, when you couldn't cum.” 

“I - I -” you stutter for a moment, “I thought everyone went out last night.” 

It's not a denial of what Mikko said, and he knows it. 

“I stayed behind,” he says simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. His eyes are dark, and you can't bring yourself to look away, no matter how badly you wanted to. 

“I…” You flush under his gaze, somehow both absolutely mortified by him hearing you, and curious to see what he would say. “And you're telling me this because…?” 

Mikko is silent for a few moments, mulling over his words. “Let me help you,” he finally says, his voice low and husky. “Let me help you cum.” 

You can't help the way you gasp, the desperation from the night before flaring up again. 

“Mikko I don't-” 

“Think it's a good idea?” he finishes, his hands coming to rest on your waist, pulling you closer. “I don't care. I want...I want you. I want this. I want to help you.” 

“Mikko…” 

You sound uncertain but he knows you've already made up your mind. You let out a yelp as he tugs you roughly into his lap, smashing his lips into yours. A moan escapes you immediately, god he was incredible. Mikko is big, he's so big that one of his arms wraps itself almost completely around your waist, the other coming up to cup your face, nearly covering half of it. You feel small in his lap, and you love it. 

His tongue darts in and out of your mouth, coaxing small noise from you as you grip his shoulders. It was better than you could have ever imagined, the way he bites your bottom lip and tugs back on it with a smile. You whine again as his giant hand falls to your ass, flexing over the flesh and squeezing. 

He pushes against your ass, guiding you to rock against him. You tear your lips away from him, head falling to his shoulder at the friction. Your brain is fried, unable to think of anything but the behemoth of a man in front of you. 

“God he's so painfully my type” you remember telling your friend when you first moved to Denver. You didn't tell her why. You didn't tell her it was because of his size. You didn't tell her it was because he was over a foot taller than you. And you definitely didn't tell her it was because you wanted him to use that size to his advantage with you. 

And use it he did, moving your body the way he wants against him as you whimper pathetically. Mikko maneuvers you so that you're seated on one of his massive thighs, your leggings doing next to nothing to provide a barrier between your cunt and his thigh. 

“Please,” you find yourself whining before you can stop yourself. The pressure of his leg against your clit makes you giddy, unable to think of anything but more more more. Mikko’s hand on your ass guides you, rocking your hips against him as the other caresses your hair. 

“That's it,” he spurs you on, accent thickening as he moves you, “Just like that, good girl. Feels good doesn't it?” 

You whimper again and nod against his neck, moving your hips even as he guides you. The friction feels delicious against your cunt, and you can already feel your orgasm building up. Mikko murmurs soft words of encouragement as you rut against him, the tent in his sweatpants growing tighter as more noises escape your throat. 

Logically, you knew Mikko’s size would likely match the size of his cock but - nothing could have prepared you for what you felt against your thigh as you rocked harder into him. His cock was straining against his sweats, thick and heavy as you pushed against him. 

Mikko’s hand disappears from your ass for a moment, before coming down again with a rough smack. You jolt at the sting and cry out as it only brings you closer to the edge. Your hand curls around his neck, your face smushed into his shoulder with his other hand cradling the back of your head. 

“Please, Mikko, please!” you sob into his t-shirt, so fucking close to release. You were desperate, strings of curses and his name and “pleasepleaseplease” the only words leaving your mouth. He coos gently at your desperation, bouncing his leg slightly to give you more friction. 

“I've got you, rakas,” (beloved) he murmurs lowly, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. “You're close aren't you?” 

“Mhm.” Your voice comes out whiny, but you could really care less, too caught up in chasing your orgasm to care how you sounded. “Mik - Mikko, please, please.” 

“That’s it,” he repeats, the hand that was cradling your head disappearing, only to come down on your ass sharply. A sob is ripped from your throat as you wind your hand into his hair and pull. “Come on, there you go, are you going to cum for me?” 

“Yes yes yesyesyes,” you babble, frantic as you seek your high. 

“Cum for me, rakas,” Mikko growls. “I want you to cum for me.”

The filthy, commanding tone he uses is enough to send you over the edge, throwing you into white-hot ecstasy as you finally - finally - achieve the release you've been craving. You're faintly aware of the scream you let out, and the tears slipping down your cheeks, but you're too focused on the pleasure you're feeling to be embarrassed - or even care, for that matter. 

Mikko holds you tight to his body as you begin to regain consciousness, rocking you slower and slower against his thigh until he stops, tugging you so that you straddle his lap instead. You're hyper aware of his cock pressing against your thigh, achingly hard. 

“You did so well,” he purrs, peppering your neck with soft, wet kisses. “You did so fucking good, you're so beautiful when you cum for me.” You whine at the words, finally finding the strength to lift your heavy head from his shoulder. 

“Sorry I ruined your shirt,” you snivel, gasping out a sob when another tremor wracks your body. Mikko pulls you back into his chest, chuckling softly. 

“That's alright, suloinen asia. (sweet thing) You did so good for me.” 

Mikko strokes your hair softly as your sobs slow to a stop, holding you tightly to him to build you back up where he shattered you. He whispers sweet nothings in your ear as his fingers caress you, the heat radiating from him lulling you into a daze. 

“Thank you,” you whisper softly, curling your hand around the back of his head. You pull back softly to look at him, and you can't help but revel in what you see. Mikko’s cheeks are pink, his lips swollen and bruised, and his eyes are blown wide with lust. He stares up at you in admiration, smiling almost shyly at your gratitude. 

“Y/N I - fuuuck,” Mikko’s words are cut off when you rock your hips against his aching cock, his hands flying to your waist. “What are you - oh - Y/N - shit -” 

“Please?” you mewl softly, pouting softly at his reprimanding stare. 

“Stop that,” he groans, his head tilting back slightly in pleasure. Whether he's talking about your pout or the way you were grinding on him - who knows. 

“Please?” you repeat, smiling triumphantly when his hands on your waist push you a little harder against his dick. 

“Yeah,” he breathes, “Yeah, yeah, okay, one condition.” 

“Mhm,” you hum, too distracted with roaming your eyes over Mikko’s chest and arms to pay attention. 

“Hey.” Mikko grabs your face between two fingers, squishing your cheeks together as he forces you to look at him. You stop breathing for a moment, his grip on your face unrelenting as you wait for him to tell you his condition. “My condition,” he says, “is that I want more than just this. Let me take you on a date. And no more swiping right on any other big guys on dating apps.” 

His words catch you by surprise, and you laugh loudly. Mikko lets go of your face when you do, watching you throw your head back joyfully. He's confused for a moment, but accepts your kiss, smiling against your mouth as you giggle against his. 

“Is that a yes?” he murmurs between kisses. 

“It's a hell yes,” you smile brightly, leaning into to steal another. 

“Great, now can I fuck you over the back of this couch and make you cum again or what?”

[thetorturerwrites]

Welcoming Work

Summary:  “I’m…” You faltered, trying to find a way to explain what was happening to someone who likely had no idea about any of this. But he nuzzled you like a puppy, and your smile led the way. 

“It's welcoming work.”The way he sat up straighter, moved your hair to one side so he could see better, and leaned into you, threatened to melt you into a puddle of goo.

“I need to welcome a new city,” you said. “New job. New apartment. New opportunities and friends.”

Author’s Note: My favorite slut is at it again, this time with a little woo thrown in. 

Also:   The contents herein come with facets of my own witchery and practice. If this doesn't line up with your practice, don't come for me. All paths are inherently personal, and I'm not gonna argue mine.

A bit of sex, a bit of fluff, a bit of crafting.

***

♪ Be my sister, sister of the moon   Some call her sister of the moon ♪

You sang under your breath as you walked. Fleetwood Mac always opened craft days. The slightly mystic sound calmed you, centered you to a place to begin. As the day wore on, the soundtrack would become progressively more intense. Santana. Florence + The Machine. Music was the gateway, the shot to start the race.

You’d planned today for a month, checking your calendar and your pantry and stock for ingredients. Everything aligned perfectly, right down to the day of the week. Saturday, so you could get yourself feeling good all day and be genuinely ready later and not scrambling to throw it all together.

It was this plan that had you knocking on Adam’s door at 1 in the afternoon.

“Hey-eee?!” His smooth voice tilted up a bit at the end, surprised to see you in his hallway. “What’s up?”

You had no idea why he called you kid, nor did you have any idea why it felt so good that he did.

Adam Sackler was one of the first people who befriended you here. You worked part time as a stagehand for the theatre company he acted for. He smiled a lot which you really liked. It lit up his face; and when his hair was pushed back and out of the way, his ears wiggled with every smile. He had an infectious personality.

In addition, he was one of the most attractive mother fuckers you’d ever seen in your life. All broad shoulders and muscles. He was, simultaneously, a gigantic goofball and a walking aphrodisiac.

“Hey, Adam!” You gave him a friendly wave but shook your head when he opened the door for you to come inside. “I won’t be long. Wanted to talk to you about something real quick.”

He was also an unabashed sex fiend who flirted shamelessly. You lost count of how many suggestions he’d made about shagging you silly, and you couldn’t remember anybody ever winking at you in your life, but he did. He often pointed to the bathroom door with an indecent brow lift, silently asking you if you wanted a quickie. Without fail, you snickered and shook your head.

You probably should have turned him in for harassment, but part of you knew he’d stop the instant you said don’t. And the rest of you decided that you liked the way all his comments, queries, and suggestions made you giggle. You needed happiness these days.

“Shoot.”

He leaned on the door, casually looking like the world’s largest lollipop, and you worked hard to not ogle him. It was decidedly not a simple task.

“You know all the comments you make about quickies in the back of the theatre or walking me home at night to make me breakfast?” You canted your head because he shifted uncomfortably. His face darkened a bit, and you knew it was because he expected to be chastised. “I’d like to take you up on that.”

Interest flitted across his handsome features, and he took a step towards you.

“Is that right?” He smirked and tried to tug you into the apartment by the strap of your bag. “Think I can make time for you, kid.”

A wide smile broke across your face. You couldn't help it. The absurd things he said entertained you. He was the most adorable idiot you’d ever known.

“Ah, I was actually thinking later tonight. Would that work for you? I have some things to do this afternoon.”

It wasn’t a lie. You had things to do, but you were more interested in the thing's timing. You had an agenda; and as appealing as an afternoon in his bed sounded, you were sticking to it.

“Why now?”

His question gave you pause. It was a fair question, but you weren’t entirely sure you wanted to answer truthfully. He might think you bizarre and not worth it. Don’t fuck crazy, as they say.

“I’m dealing with some things,” you said. “I could use the boost. Think you could come by around 8?”

♪ Dark lady laughed and danced and lit the candles one by one   Danced to her gypsy music 'til her brew was done ♪

The knock at your door came at 7:45. Entertained, your lips twitched because he never struck you as the punctual type. It could almost be construed as eager.

Inside of two minutes, you had your ‘hey kid’ and the single carnation he brought for you. You twirled it in hand and smelled it with the coy look you knew always won cute points. And then he was in your apartment, mischievous eyes looking you up and down before surveying everything beyond you.

“Holy fuck, your place smells amazing.”

You smiled at the compliment, tucking the carnation into one of too many glass jars you had on the counter top. You pointed to the large pot of simmering cider. Your apartment smelled of fruit, cloves, and bourbon. He wasn’t wrong; it was amazing. Beyond that, the pleased sound he made had your insides buzzing.

“Are you hungry?” You ducked out of the kitchen to finish the task he interrupted. “I finished supper a bit ago, but there’s still some left if you are.”

Finally looking away from the yumminess on your stove, he watched as you circled your place, striking match after match. Your apartment glowed with candlelight; pillars and votives adorned anything with a flat surface. It gave the room a warmth, the type of succulent vibe that always made you feel sensual and open.

“You tryin’ to romance me, kid?”

It wasn’t condescending or belittling. It was an appreciative joke. The grin on his face said he was poking fun at you, but the crinkle of his nose and eyes said he liked it. The lick of his lips said he also appreciated your flowy, nearly see-through linen trousers and little white tank top.

“Uh-uh,” you shook your head. Flashing eyes accompanied a little twirl of your fingers. “It’s magic.”

Your sassy quip seemed to delight him because he pushed off of the stool he’d claimed and crossed the room like a panther. There was something hunterish about him, and it was oh so tempting. It occurred to you, for the millionth time, exactly how tall he was when he curled down around you. His long arms encircled your waist, pulling you flush. His lips found the crook of your neck, and he nudged your earlobe with the bridge of his nose.

“Magic, huh?” He began a wholly distracting trail of kisses along the side of your throat. “You smell good, too.”

“Mhm.” You splayed your fingers across his pectorals, enjoying the steady beat of his heart. “You’re gonna help me.”

He lifted his head to look at you, curiosity clear in his arched brow and pursed lips. 

You swallowed, gulped more like. Time to jump off the bridge. You didn’t want to lie to him, but your path wasn’t exactly mainstream. Most people thought you silly or devil-driven. But you couldn’t raise the type of energy you wanted on a lie.

“Oh, yeah?” He cocked his head to one side, deliberating. “What am I gonna do?”

You wanted him to make you vibrate, to fill you up with that endless jubilation he always had. You wanted him to raise enough power that the top of your head would blow off. You wanted the mundane world to fall away and the inner world, where courage and spirit and wisdom lay, to rise up and work.

“Well,” you sighed dramatically, “if you suck at sex, I’m gonna be mad because that’s pretty much it.” Again, you twirled your fingers around to mark the atmosphere. “Gonna raise some energy.”

You’d never been shy about your craft, but you were careful with it. Too many times in your past, you’d felt mocked, chastised, outright chased out of homes. The name calling never affected you, but losing friendships and partners was hard. Something about Adam, though, told you he was up for pretty much anything.

“Hm.” He pondered it for a moment before nudging the tip of your nose with his. “Soft and slow energy or quick and rough energy?”

“Yes.” You nodded, cheeky and matter-of-fact. “But there is one thing I’d like to ask.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t say mean things to me, ok?”

Adam’s predilection for dirty talk was legendary. The people he’d already slept with at the theatre gossiped about it regularly.

“I’m not a slut or a whore.” You furrowed your brow because it wasn’t entirely true. You didn’t mind it, really, but tonight needed to be specific. Good vibes. “At least not tonight. Ok?”

His fingers slithered under the hem of your tank, seeking skin. He leaned into your space and kissed a slow line from your chin, along your jaw, to your ear, where he whispered naughty things.

“Already thinking about fucking me again?”

With his arm about you so securely, he stretched you onto your toes as he straightened up to his near full height. And when he dipped his mouth to yours for the first time, you knew you made a wise decision. His lips were soft but sure, and he tasted like honey, as you suspected. The sound you made when his tongue slid along yours made him squeeze you a little tighter.

He sunk into it; you could feel it. His shoulders dropped, his fingers curled into your flesh, and his even breath blew across your cheek. His kisses were intoxicating, hungry but unhurried. He licked at the roof of your mouth and nipped at your lower lip. You slid your hands along his shoulders, up the back of his neck, and into his hair. He was solid, but slightly vulnerable in the best way.

Bending down to hook his hand under the crook of your knee, he wrapped your leg around his waist and hoisted you up as though you weighed little more than a feather. Long strides had him at the foot of your bed before he’d finished anchoring your other leg to his middle. You were never so grateful for a studio apartment with its no-wall, no-room layout.

“Hold tight, kid.”

He murmured it against your mouth, and you nodded against his in return. You cinched your thighs tight, which made him groan ever so softly, and bore your own weight for his shoes, socks, and belt to come off without him ever setting you down. Crawling onto your bed, he eased you to the mattress, knelt upright, and peeled off his shirt. A bite to your lip kept you from salivating all over yourself at the sight of him, his muscles, and that extraordinary ‘v’ that disappeared into his waistband.

He didn’t peel them off, but he did pop the button on his jeans to make a little more room for what you expected was something long and thick. Short-circuiting that thought, he leaned down over you and gave you the kind of kisses you’d only seen in movies. He was a staggeringly good kisser, making you squirm more and more with the curl of his tongue and the teasing scrape of his teeth. When he bit your shoulder, though, your breath stopped. Abruptly overcome, you felt like you might combust.

And just like that, you found the thing you needed.

He didn’t miss it and tested the theory by another bite at your pulse point. Your fingers curled into his bicepses, digging in as you whined and tilted your face away to give him more flesh. His sweet mouth turned ravenous, seductive kisses turned demanding. He gripped your chin and turned your lips to his once more, swallowing your gasps and whimpers.

He dragged his nails along your sides viciously as he pushed up your tank, leaving tracks and eliciting a long moan and the rise of your shoulders into his. Your core ached, your pussy throbbed, but you’d willingly drown in this foreplay, the middle energy between beginning and end. It was heady and erotic and tantalizing.

Adam’s teeth found purchase once more at the top of your breast, and he gave you more and more and more. The longer he explored you, the more fierce the bites became. At the peak of your breast, he got enough of a grip to pull it up and away from your torso, only relenting when you pushed at his chest. He flicked your sensitive nipples with his tongue until your hips bucked and twisted. He treated your ribs on both sides to the impressive span of his wide jaws and a bulldog bite. A satisfied rumble reverberated in his chest at your moans.

As with your shirt, he scraped flaring lines into your skin as he dragged down your pants; and as soon as you were completely bare, he attacked your thighs. He sucked the delicate flesh of each into his mouth good and deep.

You’d be riddled with bruises tomorrow, and it was incredibly worth it.

Gripping the sheets, you heaved for breath, staring at the ceiling but not seeing it. You’d expected filth from his lips, the sort of lewd banter you’d heard about. But this was too good for words, too animalistic. He drummed you up into a frenzy with his teeth and strong fingers. You floated on a pheromone high, watching as he pushed your leg up over his shoulder, but the way he bit and tugged on your meaty outer labia had you shot up and into your wits on a yelp.

You swore and rocked and tangled trembling fingers into his dark hair. It was the ideal amount of too much; and when he looked up from your pussy, you hissed at the salaciousness in his hazel eyes. You missed what he said because he was too many things. Mouth-watering and divinely sexy and utterly masculine. His lips grazed your wrist, sweeping words you didn’t give a damn about against the delicate flesh and easing you back down by his grip on your rib cage.

He delved into your sticky cunt, his tongue painting a wide stripe from bottom to top that had you shivering. Brazen and needy, your knees parted wide; your hips danced for his carnal kisses. Laid back for him again, he stole another harsh bite and sucked your clit until you nearly begged.

But he played you like a violin, keeping you suspended in want, not allowing you to tip over that edge.

Delirious, riding the endorphins and electricity in his fingertips, you vaguely registered that he shucked his jeans. You arched on a yearning prayer of thanks for the way he now pinned you with his weight and spread your thighs too far apart with his massive body. He undulated with you, matching the rocking of your hips because you couldn’t be still to save your life. Reaching between you, he lined himself up and surged forward to breach you with the plump head of his cock.

“Holy hell, Sackler!”

You choked, having only partially expected him to be carrying a goddamn torpedo. Amused, he licked your lips and pushed further in on languid strokes. He sunk into you maddeningly slow, drawing out pitiful whines, louder and louder until you slapped your hand over your mouth to shut yourself up.

“Uh-uh.” He tugged your hand away, pinning it down onto the bed and lacing his fingers with yours. “None of that.”

Concerned, you shook your head and chewed your own lips, but he bottomed out and you couldn’t help but swear again. 

“Fucking hell. Neighbors,” you eked out. 

The fiendish grin on his lips promised wicked things.

“Fuck the neighbors. Wanna hear you scream.”

He punctuated the last word with a mischievous snap of his hips, hardly withdrawing at all before surging back in. You felt socked in the gut. His dick stabbed at your stomach; and it wasn’t long before you did what he wanted. It burned deliciously. He fucked you all the way open and filled you completely. The wince you couldn’t hide was from both pain and pleasure. But as he knew it would, your body acclimated to him. The tension in your hips and legs eased, and you moved to accept him rather than limit the intrusion.

“Mm. That’s it. Open for me.”

He muttered things against your pulse, things lost to the whirlwind of lust. He wrapped one giant hand around the round swell of your ass, keeping you right there, right where he wanted. His rhythm kicked up, faster, deeper, and all the liquid in your body flooded south. Soon, the stab of his dick was accompanied by a vulgar squelch, an obscene sound to mark how much he affected you, how thoroughly he was wrecking you. A sound that made him switch from gripping your fingers to tangle in your hair. He held the back of your head tight to pull you down as he fucked up into you so forcefully your bed bounced against the wall.

“Fuck, that’s good.” He grunted against your jaw, lips dragging a line to yours. “Knew you’d be good, kid. Wanted to fuck you the moment I saw you.”

It was your turn to groan. You’d originally thought him talking to you in the midst of all this would feel silly. Because you knew he’d done it with so many others before; and surely, he had a script. But it lit something inside of you, something that was a little more than sex but still wildly fuckable. 

Adam’s breath broke into turbulent huffs littered with these erotic noises you didn’t think he could hold back. You clawed at his chest, trying to hold on tighter and hear them better because it was the best damn thing you ever heard. 

He tipped your face towards him with the gruff demand that you look at him. Barely, you managed it, but your eyes kept fluttering shut each time he struck gold in the deepest deep of your pussy. He said something else, but it was too much. Bravely, shockingly, you pressed your free hand over his mouth and shook your head.

“Less talk,” you pleaded, hoarse and on the edge of worn out already. “More you.”

Something savage shot through his shining eyes, turning them darker than you’d seen. He licked your palm and shifted to kneel between your thighs. Without breaking contact, he captured your legs and lay your calves on his shoulders. Your loud moans turned to raucous shrieks as he threw himself into you, roughshod and sloppy. With an iron grip on your hips, he leaned forward, tipping you into an angle that rattled you from your very core. His cock dragged against the most sensitive ridges, and you were sure you could feel his heartbeat hammer down through the shaft.

You lost your goddamn mind.

Teetering on the verge of oblivion, you froze. Arched like a bow, you fisted the sheets and quaked. Higher and higher you climbed, howling like a banshee. It was exactly what you wanted, exactly what you needed him to be tonight.

From nowhere, everywhere, his touch broke through the haze. Deft fingers wrapped around your screeching throat and squeezed. He growled, and you knew he felt your fractured breath, the pounding of your pulse, and every thrum of your battered vocal chords. It was a claim, a pure moment of primal to send you reeling.

He hung on until the end of an orgasm that shredded your senses. You could no longer shout, couldn’t open your eyes, couldn’t hear anything other than thunderous roaring in your ears. You curled towards him. Legs, arms, brow tight, the suspense before the bomb. But he slipped his fingers in between your puffy pussy lips and set off the explosion. You tingled from soles to soul, and it felt like it wouldn’t end. Inexplicably, you found some way to be louder, cursing like a damn sailor as you crested that wave. 

On the other side of it, you fell still and quiet. You yielded to the tempest, holding loosely to your tether of a man. Inside, you soared, hitting that amazing high you wanted. Flying in exactly the way you sought tonight.

Somewhere in the fuzzy exodus of your brain cells, he let go of your legs, pulled out from your quivering cunt, and shot his orgasm over the lower swell of your belly. You writhed and purred as he plied your shoulder and collarbone with kisses once more. His thumb rubbed your lower lip softly, and he nudged your nose with his the way he’d done earlier — a gesture that felt intimate and affectionate.

“Y’ok kid?”

Cracking your eyes open, you nodded and took as deep of a breath as your lungs would allow. Your body was pliant, relaxed and sated. The anxiety and tension tightening your muscles vanished, and the stress you carried for weeks was nowhere to be found. 

Exquisite.

Shifting to lie on his side, Adam tugged you closer, ready to bask in the afterglow. You had plans, though, and you wiggled up to kiss the corner of his mouth softly before sliding from the disheveled covers. Pushing a pillow under his head, he engulfed your bed nearly entirely, making it look far more appealing than it ever had before.

You almost told him it was ok to leave, but something inside said no. Besides, he looked awfully comfortable.

Naked and wobbly on your feet, covered in the evidence of your tryst, you crossed over to the little table lined up against the wall across from the bed. It was tucked almost into the corner, unnoticeable to most unless you looked for it or knew what you looked at.

Sinking to the floor in front of it, you stretched your arms above your head and tilted your head from side to side as you did whenever you settled to work. It was a ritual unto itself before the ritual. Readying your body to match your mind and heart.

Your eyes darted over the prepared ingredients, looking for the 30th time to be sure you forgot nothing. That’s when it occurred to you. Something unexpected always popped up, a curve ball the universe threw at you; and tonight was no different. Pushing to your feet, you hopped back into the kitchen for his gift. The sweet gesture he never could have expected would be so appropriate. 

When you turned to face the room, you found that Adam had slid from the bed and plopped down in front of your altar. He wasn’t touching anything, just looking, but he sat cross-legged where you needed to be. He noticed you watching him and held out his hand for you.

“C’mere.”

Cautiously, you took his hand and let him situate you between his legs, scooting you close enough to the altar to work but keeping you nestled in with his chest scraping your back. He stroked your hips, your spine, anything he could reach.

“What’re we doing?”

Your hand stalled because he said ‘we.’ You made it a rule to keep your craft private, for yourself only. You especially didn’t share the details with men because they liked to belittle things they didn’t understand. Adam, though, looked ardent in his question, and it birthed a warmth in your chest you’d not been ready for.

“I’m…” You faltered, trying to find a way to explain what was happening to someone who likely had no idea about any of this. But he nuzzled you like a puppy, and your smile led the way. “It's welcoming work.”

The way he sat up straighter, moved your hair to one side so he could see better, and leaned into you, threatened to melt you into a puddle of goo.

“I need to welcome a new city,” you said. “New job. New apartment. New opportunities and friends.”

You laid your head back against his shoulder as you talked, as though the intimacy you’d shared with him tonight had always been there.

“I’ve been waiting for the right time, and it’s a new moon tonight.” You pointed at your calendar, which tracked lunar cycles.  “Which is the time to work on beginnings, to set intentions for the future. All things begin in darkness; so, we start when the moon is darkest. And we face east,” you pointed to the wall, “because all things begin in the east.”

“What’s the sex bit?”

You beamed, feeling lighter and better than you had in a long time. You found yourself glad you didn’t hide your aim from him. You probably could have gotten away with it, but it wouldn’t feel like this. There wouldn’t be this comfort or this easiness to share.

“Sex is one of the best ways to raise energy. It gets your heart beating and your blood pumping. It's very potent.”

“You’re damn right I’m potent.” He puffed up like a peacock before smoothing out his tone into that sassy seduction. “Told you I’d spoil you.”

His boasting was alarmingly charming. You nodded along, because there was no way to disagree now that he’d disarmed and dicked you down you so thoroughly. Taking his cue to carry on, you tapped the different jars assembled around the little black bowl.

“Rosemary for protection. Lavender for calm and joy. Birch for beginnings. Hibiscus for love and passion. And now,” you plucked his flower from the corner of the table. “Carnation for strength.”

The proud way his chest expanded against your back did not go unnoticed. He was happy to have added something to the mix, even if he hadn’t done so on purpose. You grinned, patted his hand, and stage whispered ‘good job.’

Subtly, the moment changed, transmuting to quiet concentration. Adam drew little circles on your skin, falling into a serene silence while you worked. You placed a spoonful of each ingredient into the mortar. As you often did, you fell into humming a lilting song that connected you to the work. Pestle in hand, you ground it all together, concentrating on the melding of all of that intention.

You, your world, slid into tranquil. Your breathing fell into a pattern with his. The smell of sex and flowers blended beautifully. Dubious though you had been for him to sit here with you, he lent you a bolstering you couldn’t have predicted. Adam was doggedly sure of himself. He was solid, a surprising support with no measure of judgment. It was the sort of acceptance you wanted for all the parts of you, not just those people were used to seeing. Having him be that for you for this, in setting these objectives, was the last bit you didn’t know you needed.

Pouring the ground herbs onto a sheet of wax paper, you dabbed a bit of rosemary oil onto the slender green candle, making sure the column was coated. He cheekily held your bottom when you leaned forward and tipped off of his lap, suddenly concerned with ‘helping’ as you rolled the candle through the mixture. Carefully, you placed the dressed candle into its holder, being sure to not tap off any excess lest you lose that bit in the coming days.

Striking a match, you lit the wick and watched for a while as it burned. You felt seen, protected, ready. Shifting, you plucked a bay leaf from the waiting pile and wrote your planned words upon it. This was the last part, but you hesitated. Adam had been so kind, so present and willing.

“Would you like to do this part, too?” You offered a dried leaf to him. “Write what you want; and then, we burn it in the flame to send it out into the universe.”

“What I want?” His fingers made the leaf look ridiculously small, but he was gentle with it, taking care to not tear the edges. “Like a million dollars or something?”

You snorted playfully, handed him the pen, and settled against his chest. 

“Probably start with something simpler.”

You could wait however long it took him to decide. He set the leaf on the table, and you held it in place for him. It wasn’t easy to write on something so small, and you’d learned long ago to hold them down.

Abruptly, his free hand clamped over your eyes, and he jarred you to the left, still holding you but forcing you away from what he wrote.

“No peeking.”

You yipped, and you could feel him grinning like a fiend. When he finished, he helped you sit upright with both of his arms around you once more. He kissed your temple and returned to stroking your side slowly, his knuckles following the contours of your body. Holding your leaf to the flame, you watched the end catch fire and the black char consume it slowly, deliberately, as fire was wont to do. Matching suit, Adam pressed you tighter to him and lifted his leaf.

You gazed into the flame, content and not entirely paying attention; but he lingered, hovering just outside the light. Your eyes came to focus, and you saw his scrawled words. 

‘More sex magic’ on one side and ‘Be mine’ on the other, like a valentine.

Your breathing, which had become so mild and centered, hitched, which was what he waited for because, when he figured you’d seen what he wrote, he set it to the flame, igniting his own intention.

For a long moment, you basked in the feeling, the beautiful, beautiful mood. It was everything you wanted it to be without not knowing all the pieces and parts. You expected him to fuck you silly, but you had no way to know that he was supposed to be here for this. It would have felt lacking without him, though, and the realization of that fact had your hands seeking contact.

“Thank you, Adam.” You splayed your fingers at his outer thigh, comforted by how real he felt. “That was lovely. Thank you.”

He buried his face into your hair and pressed kisses to the nape of your neck.

“What do we do now?”

He shifted against you, hands turning a little more than affectionate. The stroking that was innocent at your sides turned devious at your breasts, kneading and plucking. A matching hot palm found your tender pussy and cupped it, not quite interrupting the moment but skirting dangerously close.

“We leave the candle to burn down.” 

“Hm. Think my wish is gonna come true before yours.”

You meant to laugh but gasped instead as a nip to your ear tripped a shudder down your spine. Adam’s thick fingers slid through the still slippery mess of your labia. He trapped you in this cubby made of his body while he fondled your clit, rubbing the slick nub in lazy circles.

“I do have a question, though.”

You had no idea how you were supposed to answer questions with him working your clit like that, but you still nodded for him to ask.

“If a little sex magic is good, a little more is better, yeah?”

♪ Got your spell on me, baby   You got your spell on me, baby   Yes, you got your spell on me, baby ♪

[charlesleclerc2003]

I’m Never Leaving You (Jared X Daughter!Reader

Imagine having a nightmare and Jared calming you down after.

Pairing: Jared X Daughter!Reader

Y/N = Your Name

Y/BF/N =Your best friends name

Warnings! Nightmare, blood, graphic description of death, crying reader, soft Jared, comforting Jared, scared reader. I think that’s it.

You shot up in bed, your breathing heavy and sweat dripping down your neck. This was the fifth night in a row you’ve been woken by a nightmare. They were always the same, losing everyone you love. Getting up you stumble to the bathroom and splash cold water on your face.

Tip-toeing into Tom’s room, you let out a breath of relief. Tucking his duvet around him you gave him a quick kiss to his forehead and snuck out, careful not to wake him. You did the same with Shep and Odette, before walking downstairs. Grabbing a bottle of water form the fridge you walked into the TV room and sat down. Staring at the blank screen your mind drifted back to your dreams. Red, red everywhere, covering your hands, your hands, your clothes, it was even in your hair. There was no escaping it. 

“Hey Y/N!” A voice whisper yelled, breaking you out of your thoughts. Opening your eyes, Jared was knelt in front of you.

“Hey Dad,” You said, running a hand though your hair and sitting back. 

“Hey, what you doing up this early? It’s two in the morning.” You glanced up at the clock, realising he was right.

“Couldn’t sleep.” 

“Try again,” Jared said sitting next to you. “This is the fifth night I’ve found you down here staring at nothing. I know I’m away a lot, but you can tell me anything. You know that right?”

You nodded as tears filled your eyes. “It’s nightmares, same every night.”

“Sweetheart, it’s alright.” Jared soothed, pulling you into his arms. 

“Dad, I’m scared.” You whispered into his shoulder.

“What you scared of baby?” He asked, resting his chin on your head.

“Losing you, losing everyone.” 

“Hey, look at me,” Jared pulled your head out of his shoulder to look into your eyes. “I’m right here, I’m never gonna leave you. Neither is your mom or siblings. We’re always gonna be here. You’re stuck with us.” He said, chuckling at the end. A small laugh squeezed it’s way past your lips. “Is that why you cant sleep?” Nodding, you curled into his side.

“Wanna talk about it?” You shrugged, pulling Jared’s arms back around your shoulders. “It’ll help, make them stop.” He reasoned. 

Thinking it over you softly nodded. “Can I stay here though. You make me feel calm.” 

“Of course baby.” 

Taking a deep breath you brought the nightmares to the forefront of your mind.

“They always start the same, I come home and you’re all missing. The first night it was Y/BF/N. I walked in and they were,” You took a shuddering breath and continued. “They were dead. B-blood everywhere, I’d look down and my hands were covered in blood.” A tear slipped down your cheek and dropped onto Jared’s shirt. 

“The second night, that was Misha and his family. Exactly the same, blood on my hands a-and their eyes staring me blankly in the face. Then the same with Jensen and his family. Last night was y-you and mom a-and Tom, Shep and Odette. Why wont they leave me alone?” You finally let it all out and crumbled, soaking Jared’s shoulder with tears.

Jared just let you cry, holding you tight to him, rubbing a soothing hand up and down your back.

“I had another tonight, everyone was dead on the floor and t-there was a k-knife in my hands. I k-killed you all.” Once you finally let it all out in the open it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off your chest, and you sucked in a lungful of air. 

Jared was mortified, when a idea popped into his head. Taking your hand he placed it over his heart. “You feel that?” You nodded. “ That’s me I’m here, alive and kicking. It was just a nightmare, that’s all it was, a dream.” Sucking in another lungful of air you slumped back against his chest. Picking up his phone he called Y/BF/N. 

“Hey Mr Padalecki.” They answered. 

“Hey could you do me a favour?” 

“Sure.”

“Could you speak to Y/N for me, she had a nightmare and she’s kinda shaken up.” Jared asked, placing a hand on your head. 

“Yeah, is she with you?” 

“Yeah, you’re on speaker.” 

“You there Y/N?”

“Y-yeah.” You breathed. Hearing their voice it settled your racing mind a little.

“You okay?” 

“I am now.” You sighed.

“Thanks Y/BF/N. Try and get to sleep now, sorry for waking you.”  Jared apologized, hanging up.

“ See they’re alive and well. Lets call Misha, hey?” he suggested, pulling up Misha’s contact.

“Hey man, everything okay?” Misha asked, sleep evident in his voice.

“Not really, Y/N had a really bad nightmare and I wanted to show her you, Vicky and the kids are okay.” Jared replied.

“Alright switch to facetime.” 

The sleepy face of Misha filled the screen as he answered Jared’s facetime call. Relief filled your body seeing he was unhurt. Misha quickly showed you Vicky lead next to him and West and Maison in their own rooms.

“See, they’re all safe baby. Thanks Misha.” Jared said, hanging up. Allowing Misha to go back to sleep. With every passing second you were getting sleepier, but you couldn’t fall asleep without knowing Jensen was okay. Jared did the same with Jensen finally putting your mind at ease.

“You alright now baby girl?” Jared asked, pulling a blanket over the two of you.

Nodding you let your eyes close and fell into a peaceful sleep. You slept through the rest of the morning.

You were woken by Jared’s chest rumbling under yours. 

“She had a bad dream and came down here. It was really bad Gen, she couldn’t sleep until she knew everyone was safe.” 

“She got some sleep after though I presume.” Your mom said.

“Yeah, she’s been out cold since.” Jared replied, smoothing down some of your hair. You let out a loud content sigh, before opening your eyes with a smile on your face. 

“Hi, sleeping beauty. Sleep alright?” Gen asked, sitting next to you and Jared. 

“Yeah, thanks Dad.” You replied, hugging Jared. 

“You’re welcome sweetheart. I’m Never Leaving You.” 

@hybrid-in-progress​  @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms​ 

[anakinthetrashking]

BnHA One-Shot Fic Recs (pt2)

 I AM HERE! With more recs for you! The last post was all about DadMight, such a beautiful genre *wipes tear from eye* This time its DADZAWA! if you happen to follow me, you might know that i really really(really) love Aizawa. a lot. So im going to try to keep this to only 10 recs, but,, well,,,, we’ll see anyway leTS GO

Aches and Pains by Badwolf36 Rating: G     Category: Gen     ~2700 words Summary: In which Izuku isn't willing to admit how much pain he's in, and Mr. Aizawa is just as much of a softie for his students as he always is. I’m always SO WEAK to stories that deal with the very real consequences of breaking all of your bones. Poor Izuku. I enjoyed the details of how he’s feeling, the way that the reader’s awareness of his pain waxes and wanes along with Izuku’s (temporary distractions can only do so much, A+ for realism there). Also, soft Dadzawa while not mushy-ooc-Aizawa! Conclusion: I love this and also want Aizawa to make me hot cocoa when there’s storms and i cant sleep!! (sidenote, everytime i see this username my brain shorts out bc my old ff.net account was also Badwolf## lol)

My Neighbor Shouta-ro by Hound_of_Heaven Rating: G     Category: Gen     ~2,700 words Summary: Yamada Hizashi, on Christmas Eve of the year he turns 19, jokingly presents Aizawa Shouta, also 19, with a Totoro kigurumi. Everything that follows after is pure chance. Heeeeeeeeeck this is ADORABLE. I- You guys- this is so pure and so precious and so!! go read it, i died. such fluff.

constrained by my own mind (im not fine) by CamsthiSky (tumblr: @camsthisky ) Rating: G     Category: Gen     ~1,500 words Summary: Midoriya Izuku is a problem child, and for some reason, Aizawa Shouta cares too much to let him fend for himself when the kid is obviously dealing with something First of all this is written by one of my fav Batfam writers!!! I was so hype when i saw this posted and OF COURSE IT WAS JUST AS WONDERFUL IF NOT MORE SO THAN I EXPECTED!!!! A+++++ in character for both Izuku and Aizawa. Izuku is jumpy and anxious and stressed and i love it. That the way Izuku started out, and while i am eternally happy at how much his life and social reactions have already changed, stuff like that doesnt just disappear in even a year, so I love fics that address that and expound on all the progress that he would have to make behind the scenes. and having Aizawa as the catalyst to begin getting actual help? *chef’s kiss* This checks boxes and then proceeds to cover the page in checkmarks LOL

remember from here on in by aloneintherain (tumblr: @captainkirkk ) Rating: T     Category: Gen     ~8000 words warning: spoiler heavy from manga chp 215 Summary: Aizawa glances from All Might to Midoriya quickly. It sounds impossible—he’s never heard of a quirk that can be handed down like a family heirloom—but at the same time, it makes perfect sense. Midoriya’s inability to use his quirk at the start of the year. The strange, familial relationship between All Might and Midoriya. The slow malnourishment of All Might’s body, like his power was being siphoned away. “You’re …” Aizawa begins.“I’m All Might’s successor.” Midoriya’s proud but shaky voice rings clearly down the empty corridor. Aizawa finds out about One for All. Awwwwwwww yiiiiiiiissssssssss!!!!! reveal fic!!!! one of my all time fav tropes!!! Plus it expounds on some future theorys/possibilities(Spoilers!!!) and you get some great interactions between Izuku and Shinsou, and plenty of opportunities taken to wear out our already worn out catepillar-sensei. poor guy needs a break but would do anything for these kids. Incredible characterization, great feels!!

Those Hardest to Love Need it Most by DancingintheStorm Rating: T     Category: Gen     ~8,200 words Summary: Shouta gripped the phone tight enough to make the phone case groan. “So it’s true. Midoriya was Quirkless.”“Until soon before the entrance exam,” Nedzu confirmed. “That’s not relevant now, though, because—““Relevant?” Shouta hissed. “Midoriya is barely functional, socially. He doesn’t trust any adult. He thinks the whole world hates him. He apologizes for everything except breaking the law, and I’m sure I can trace every single one of those things back to his Quirklessness. You call that irrelevant?”  Aizawa visits Aldera Junior High and finds out some disturbing truths. Yes. Just. Yes. Righteous anger abounds, local anxiety-child is told for the first time that his life has worth, more at 10 (I LOVE THIS ONEEE)

The Gaunlet and friendships and how memes tie the two together by averypassionateperson Rating: T     Category: Gen     ~3,500 words Summary: Shinsou walks into his first day in the Hero Course hoping to get politely ignored. He walks out having gotten into a sanctioned fistfight with the entire Bakusquad and a whole lot of new friendships. Also, memes are responsible for most of this. This fic is SOOOOOOOOO much fun. Always sure to bring a smile and honestly all I could want from a fic about Shinsou’s first day in 1A!!!

like light through a window by achievingelysium   (tumblr: @queenangst ) Rating: T     Category: Gen     1,139 words Summary: The first time Shouta sees what Hagakure looks like, it’s because she’s covered in blood. Coming from one of the best Dadzawa writers around, is a delightfully haunting fic centered on Hagakure!! The Dazawa is of course, spot on, the premise makes your heart ache as it plays out like a movie in your mind. So smooth to read, while so emotionally painful. Ouch. It is a fic with imagery that has stuck in my mind like a plant with deep roots, bc i keep thinking about it despite my too-much-fanfic-reading-adhd-muddled-brain. I feel like i had more to say but tumglr erased the paragraph i had originally written. D:   (side note, as i am keeping these posts to 10 fics... this fic came from her series of 30 min fics which you can find here on tumblr ao3  its an absolute goldmine of one-shots, go check it out)

a frozen pond, dark and deep by walking_through_autumn Rating: T     Category: Gen     ~3,800 words Summary: In the aftermath of Endeavour's battle against High End, Aizawa escorts Todoroki to his home for special leave, and they have a conversation that has been long in the making. (Or: Over two car rides and the mystery known as bubble tea, Aizawa divulges information, Todoroki returns the favour, and trust is built over unexpected similarities.) This fic felt just as quiet as the two characters it surrounds, which was really nice. Even deep emotional grieving can be quiet, since everyone feels things and reacts to things differently. It was a brilliant way to chip away at these character’s walls to let light shine through without creating an earthquake event to destroy the walls completely, you know? and it works off of canon so well. ah yes seeing the process of Aizawa realizing that hes has adopted another child is my fav    anyhow i enjoyed it very much!

but still my heart is heavy (with the hate of some other man’s beliefs) by honeyandsunshine Rating: T     Category: Gen     ~3,500 words Summary: Nemuri jerks a thumb to the side window, presumably the one with the best view of the front gates. When Shouta looks, a small crowd, all of which he can recognize from his class, are gathered around a sleazy looking man with a camera and a microphone. Half their quirks are activated. Bakugou and Todoroki are smoking. From the bushes nearby, a rather enraged stag emerges. As he gets up, Shouta just hopes they haven’t already killed him. Or:Class 1-A defends their own. Aizawa suffers, but looks after them anyways. I love how this doesn’t go the way you expect it to. and how much Aizawa loves and trusts his class full of gremlin heroes. The Dadzawa is so soft, his logic is sound, my heart aches, and i kinda want to cry. really, really, really great you guys

bend, don’t break by heyhamlet (tumblr: @hey-hamlet ) Rating: T     Category: Gen     ~4,100 words Summary: It started, as it always seemed to, on what was supposed to be a pleasant day. ---A Christmas shopping attempt gone wrong, Aizawa and Midoriya have to survive a strange nightmare quirk, all while trying to work out how to get out of there alive. Aizawa is injured, Midoriya is panicked. It's less a question of what could go wrong, but more what could go right. Another fic that has not left my soul since i read it. Some of it is truly terrifying in a way that I hope never haunts my own nightmares. and honestly isnt that reason enough to read it? While near death experiences bond people together well, nothing beats being trapped with someone in a nightmare that is feeding off of your deepest fears! If Aizawa wasn’t considering adoption before, he certainly is now. Found family before the monster finds you...0.o go read it, its a treat from another top notch writer!

well, thats 10! the next post will probably be misc. bnha one-shots. Enjoy and don’t forget to give the writers your souls love and comments!

[red-sector-rivendell]

media reccs? 👀 since apparently you are a man of good taste?

Wow thank you 😏 I have a masterlist of movies that have changed me I often recommend to people, I'll just copy and paste here with quick synopses lol, it's kinda long. I'm not super great at writing synopses tho so bear with me

Dead Poets Society (1989)

One of my favorite movies of all time and a total classic. It's about a group of boys at a strict boarding school who are inspired by their new English teacher (played by Robin Williams) to think for themselves and chase their dreams. This movie literally changed my life lol

Quadrophenia (1979)

This movie is based off of the story behind the concept album by The Who of the same name. It follow the life of a young man named Jimmy who is in a gang called the Mods. Theres this huge gang war between them and the Rockers (I think that's their name, it's been a while since i watched it) and Jimmy questions his beliefs about coming-of-age and his values in life throughout the film

Cabaret (1972)

Based off of the Broadway musical of the same name, this movie is about a British man who moves to Germany during the beginning of the rise of Nazis. He meets a woman who basically turns his world upside down, and it follows their love affair and sexuality and anti-semitism, and it's hilarious and heart wrenching and a beautiful movie

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

This is a super trippy romance film. Basically in the universe of this movie, theres a technology that is developed that can delete memories of an entire person from your mind while you are in a dream-like state, and the main character of this movie (played by Jim Carrey) decides to undergo the procedure after a bad breakup. Its soooo good I highly recommend this movie

It's Such a Beautiful Day (2012)

This is an animated film about a man named Bill who is going through brain cancer. Its told from the perspective of an unnamed narrator essentially communicating everything Bill sees, hears, and experiences. This is the movie that got me into film and it is still a complete masterpiece and one of the most beautiful movies I've ever seen

The Dirties (2013)

Loved this one a lot back in high school, it's been a while since I watched it. This is a film made in Canada about a high schooler named Matt Johnson and his friend Owen who decide to make a short film for their class about them killing the gang at their school that bullies them, and things take a dark turn. It's a hilarious movie and hits pretty close to home for me in a lot of ways haha

Logan's Run (1976)

Great movie, pretty cheesy though so be warned. This is based off a book with the same name, and it takes place in the future where most of humanity is wiped out except for a small society that lives under a domed structure. No one is allowed to leave the dome, and to control overpopulation, no one is allowed to live past the age of 30. It's really bizarre but I love this movie

Donnie Darko (2001)

Pretty sure this was Jake Gyllenhaal's first big hit when he was super young (I think he was like 19 in this movie but I'm not sure) basically about this kid, Donnie Darko, who is somewhat schizophrenic and has a habit of sleepwalking. After one particular incident he has a near-death experience and starts seeing a man in a bunny costume everywhere who makes him do weird stuff. Another pretty trippy movie with a crazy ending

American Psycho (2000)

Honestly I'm sure a few on this list you've probably seen (most likely this one included) but I didnt wanna leave any out because they're all so good. If you haven't seen this, it's about a Wall Street executive named Patrick Bateman who is a materialistic phony by day and a serial killer by night. I tried to read the book but the inner dialogue was really hard to get through lmao. Awesome movie though huge recommend.

Clockwork Orange (1971)

Yet another trippy one. And fuck it's been a long time since I've seen it so I might get some stuff wrong here. But it's basically about this serial rapist guy who hangs out with this group of goons and they all like to go beat up homeless people and shit, but the main character gets captured and has to go through reformation therapy to make him a better person. It's an extremely bizarre movie but soooo good and kind of hilarious lol

Creep (2014)

Of course this is on my list haha. If you haven't seen it yet, it's a horror movie about this freelance film guy who answers an ad on craigslist to help a man with cancer film a movie for his unborn son. And shit gets weird real fast. One of my favorite horror movies ever, I wouldnt say it's super scary but it's fun as fuck

Hereditary (2018)

If I'm being honest, I don't like a lot of big movies made in super recent years and especially not horror movies (mostly because they're all cheap cash grabs with no substance) but this one is an exception for me. Hereditary is fucking masterful in my opinion, legitimately creepy as hell and well-produced and well written. To put the plot as vaguely as possible without spoiling anything, it's about a family (mostly the mother) who go through some crazy fucked up shit. That's literally all I can say without giving anything away. Super good flick, big recommend

Gattaca (1997)

This list isn't in any particular order, and I love all these movies to death, but if I had to rank them this would probably be on the lower end. It's not a bad movie, it's still great but it's just not as life-changing as the other ones lmao. This takes place in the future where genetic modifications have progressed to a point where you can modify your unborn child's DNA to have the perfect baby. This has led to, essentially racial bias against those who never had that procedure when they were born. The main character was not one of these "special" children, but he wants an extremely prestigious job which requires that of the employee. Through the film, he is trying to fake his identity and fool the company into thinking he is one of these perfect people. Still a great film

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)

Johnny Depp, man, he is something else. I LOVE this movie. Based off a true story and a book written by the man who lived it, Hunter S. Thompson, this follows the adventure of the writer and his attorney as they go on a drugged-out, psychedelic romp through Las Vegas with the original intention being to cover a story on a motorcycle race, but things go off the rails as they both terrorize the entire city in a way. Just a fun ride the whole way, a great movie

The Truman Show (1998)

God I'm realizing this list is long as fuck. Don't watch all of these movies, it might take you a lifetime lmao. Anyway, this is a classic Jim Carrey movie and another one you've probably seen. But again, if you haven't, this movie is about a man whose entire life has been fabricated and shot for television without him knowing. Super great, super moving, fantastic film 10 outta 10 I gotta wrap this shit up

A Scanner Darkly (2006)

A lesser known Keanu Reeves movie, but fuck I wish more people have seen this. This is one of my favorite movies of all time, and it's based off a book which is just as amazing. This movie takes place in the near future, where facial recognition technology has progressed wayyy too far, and drugs have gotten to the point of no return. The plot follows a detective who is undercover in a junkie house trying to figure out who is the top of the drug dealing totem pole, but ends up wrapped in the junkie lifestyle a little too deeply. Seriously, I recommend this movie to everyone who asks, it's so damn good

Fight Club (1999)

Another popular one. If you havent seen it, it's based off a book by Chuck Palahniuk following the story of a man (the main character actually doesnt have a name lol) who meets a guy named Tyler Durden who changes his entire perspective on how the world works. They start an underground boxing club together to help themselves and other men blow off steam and get away from the capitalist consumer-centric lifestyle they are forced into. Big twist at the end, great movie five stars on yelp

Harold and Maude (1971)

This is a weird one. Gotta say. It's about a guy in his 20s who meets an old woman at a funeral and falls in love with her. Sounds pretty ok at face value but theres a lot of really strange subplots and a huuuuge twist at the end (one of the subplots being the guy compulsively fakes his suicide to get his mother's attention) big recommend

Polyester (1981)

This one I cant even explain u just have to watch it its fucking bizarre

Fargo (1996)

Ok lightning round on the synopses, this movie is about a man who wants to commit fraud by hiring guys to kidnap his wife so her father can pay them ransom and instead the husband gets the money but everything goes wrong it's really good

Bad Times at the El Royale (2018)

Another modern movie I actually like, last time I watched this I was on shrooms and it was crazy but it's about this hotel right on the border of california and (Nevada I think?) And all these weird people are staying at it and there are twists at every turn and chris hemsworth is a cult leader in it its great

Memento (2000)

GREAT MOVIE GOD PLEASE WATCH THIS ONE it's about a man who develops short term memory loss after witnessing the rape and murder of his wife AND WHEN I SAY THERE ARE TWISTS LIKE EVERY TEN MINUTES I MEAN IT. The film is chronologically backwards, in that the first scene takes place at the end of the story and works back from there in increments of like 5 minutes. Basically each scene is a segment of time that this guy remembers before his memory loss kicks in and he forgets and FUCK it's so good please god watch it

Almost Famous (2000)

This is another one that would probably be low on my ranking but still a great and fun movie, it's about this kid that wants to write articles about rock stars for the rolling stone (based off a true story btw) and he ends up running away to go ride on a tour bus with some band and gets into all types of shenanigans and its great and sad

Parasite (2019)

Another modern movie I love, fuck this is getting too long lmao. Poor family wants to make money and they hatch a scheme to pretend to be bougie and work for this rich family but shit gets weird and everything goes wrong and it's so good (also literally the only film ever that made me speechless afterwards)

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Pretty much lives up to the hype, I totally forgot the plot but it's pretty damn good I remember that lmao

The Warriors (1979)

Fun movie, theres a bunch of teen gangs in New York and the leader of all of em is like "hey we should rally all the gangs together and fuck up the cops so we can rule this city" but then he gets shot by someone in the crowd and the gang The Warriors gets blamed so the whole movie is them running from all the other gangs so they can get back to home base and it's just an all around fun time movie

12 Monkeys (1995)

THIS MOVJE IS CRAZY it takes place in the future where a virus has almost completely wiped humans off the face of the earth so these scientists send this guy back in time to figure out where it came from so they can stop it from ever happening but obviously everything goes wrong and yadda yadda yadda it's amazing

Waking Life (2001)

Gonna preface this by saying this film is definitely not for entertainment, it's kind of an arthouse-type flick. It's the type of movie you have to think really really hard about to watch. The basic plot is the main character is stuck inside his own lucid dream, and is walking around listening to all these characters in his dream talk to him about, idk like the meaning of life and consciousness and shit. It's really good if you're in the mood for that type of thing.

Okay I'm finally done, you probably didnt expect this but I've been meaning to put my movie recommendations on this blog anyway haha. I deleted some just cause it was getting wayyyy too long. If u want a shorter list I can just give u like a top 5 in DMs but there u go have at it, every movie on that list is a banger I swear