#cant believe i forgot tht one

[vesseldraws]

more doodles ! ! !

ft @eldritchtoast's ford au tht i'm so so so in love with he has such a cool design

[kodaiki]

HAII!! I JUST WANT TO SAY THT I ADORE YOUR SCRIPTED HEART SMAU SMMM!! But genuinely I think that y/n's and gojos's fandom would reunite together to make edits of them together, get paparazzi's photos of them and probably '10 minutes of gojo and y/n being a chaos couple' from that one live. (I think mostly from Gojo fandom since he have bigger fame) And when there's a y/n hater or gojo hater expect the fandom TO BASH ON THE HATER LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW LMAO they're just supportive of their favourite actor being together 🤭🤭 [happy]

Anyways!! Sorry if you're having a hard time understanding what I'm trying to say, I just randomly thought of it at 3AM (I need to sleep brah)

OH AND ONE MORE!! If gojo and y/n ever break up expect your TikTok fyp TO BE FILLED WITH THEM! Edits of them together with sad taylor swift songs, a video about a girl ranting how she won't believe in love anymore, comments crying abt them, a video on how they can shoot their shot on gojo now 😭 + MAYBE PERHAPS A YOUTUBE VIDEO ANALYSIS ABOUT HOW/WHY THEY BREAK UP?? 🤨🤨🤨 Oh, I forgot to mention those Twitter accounts that update everything 😔 I bet people would find out from them first and would be like 😯😯 (Goodbye)

Oh my goodness I srsly need to sleep.

OKAY BUT I LOVE YOUR SMAU SM THOUGH #LIVELAUGHLOVE GIRLLLL!! CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERR! Also I'm putting this on anonymous because I'm shy when you see this

omgg yesssss you're so so right, i can say proudly those videos already exist (from their first interview, the live, and any paparazzi footage of them seen together) fun fact/sad fact: y/n doesn't really look at her mentions on soial media because although she has awesome supporters that are og fans of gojo, she inevitably has delulu haters too :((( so she stays away from that aspect of sm to not let it get to her head, even tho its fake! your brain at 3am is amazing i love it. LMFAO TIKOK would be mourning for their breakup 😭😭

thank you so much bby! smoochies for you!! <333

[baekhvuns]

I almost thought I forgot to send you an ask, dw abt the timing tho. it happens to me a lot 😭 I forget if I had done something and then i question it?

IKR HIS WHOLE PERSONALITY IRKS ME SO MUCH BUT THEN HIS FACE?? HIS FACEEEE!!! 😩😩 he's such a hypocrite honestly, and each time he makes a dumb fucking decision I want to punch him in the face so bad!! BUT THEN I RMR THT ONE CHAPTER WHERE NAVIER'S HAVING A FLASHBACK TO WHEN THEY WERE KIDS AND- 😭 I CANT-

Bcz...this just got too real? 🫣

NO STOP STOP ITTTT HWA TURNS INTO A PANTHER 😭😭😭 IM READY TO BE THE TARZAN!!

U GIVE ME THINGS TO GUSH OVER EVERY DAMN TIME! BCZ WDYM INTIMIDATING CEO X FAKE DATING AUS OH IM SO READY 😭

😒 don't even talk abt tht selfish piece of shit, I hate her. The audacity she has, like she literally just said "there's not a woman in the whole world that wouldn't sulk if his lover is spending time with another woman." 😃 miss girl YOU are the OTHER WOMAN! He is spending time with his WIFE! On her BIRTHDAY. Jail. I want to see her in jail. I'm glad Heinrey knows the kinda person she is, he and the empress are the only ones putting her in her place. Like it annoys me so damn much how she cries over every damn thing, idc whatever shit she went thru, it didn't give her any right to become a homewrecker. And soveishu is dumb enough. And navier?

....she's. Etheral. How to be her? How to hv a man like hers? How to be bold like her? How to BE NAVIER??

OMG GURL YES I READ IT 😭 I CANT BELIEVE SOVEISHU KISSED NAVIER'S NECK?!?!?!?! 😭 IM- IDK THT MAKES ME LIKE HIM MORE DESPITE HIS SHITTY ATTITUDE?? WHAT DO I DO 😭 but respectfully, he should fuck off....you lost the chance man. You lost her. No Bcz what does he want frm navier??? Does he think she has a heart of stone? As if she doesn't hv feelings??? He gets all riled up if she even talks with some other guy and look at him, going out with a strange girl he has no idea who tf she even is.

I'm telling you rashta is the downfall of the empire. Girl I'm telling ya, if I see a strange woman running to hug my man like tht..id throw hands idc what my status would be, I would THROW HANDS. (On both, my man, and the girl) Navier is so strong. BWAHAHAHAHA AND HIS GUTS TO SAY "IM A GOOD MAN" 😭🤚 STOPH- HES THE MOST DELULU PERSON EVER! Rashta is like that one annoying cousin. LIKE SHE HAD THE AUDACITY TO WEAR THE SAME DRESS AS NAVIER?!?!? FASION POLICE- YOU GOTTA ARREST HER! BCZ THT IS PLAGIARISM 😭

WTF WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCKK??? SHES PREGNANT 😭😭😭😭 (tbh I bet the emperor thinks, a baby is made if you hold hands) GURL IM GONNA FAINT FRM ALL THE DRAMA THAT UNFOLDS IN EVERY CHAPTER NOOOOOO NAVIER!! I WOULD HV CRIED I WOULD HV- I WOULD HV COLLAPSED AND STARTED TO WEEP SHES SO STRONG!! 😭😭

LESGOOO MY SHIP IS SAILING!! I WONDER WHEN THE DIVORCE EP WILL COME!! OH COME ON NOW IM FALLING FOR DUKE KAUFFMAN 🤧

NO WAY HE DRANK THE LOVE POTION AND DISTRACTED SOVEISHU 😭😭😭 IM DYING- :0 he punched him

I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna kill him, I'm really gonna kill him I HATE HIM SO MUCH! NEVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS A CHARACTER MADE MY BLOOD BOIL THIS BAD!

Navier no...the potion has worn off, Duke Kaufmann likes you 😭

OHMYGOD KOSAIR IS HERE HES HERE AHHH SO PROTECTIVE 😭😭 NO I GET IT WHY U LIKE HIM! DOUBLE EMPRESS?!?! 😭 *Searches on Google:- how to be an empress?*

No way you fell asleep on the stairs...was it Bcz it was comfortable or you were just too tired to walk till your bed? 😭 (OMG I WROTE THIS THINKING YOU WROTE "I FELL ASLEEP ON THE STAIRS" AND I WAS LIKE ?!?! WHAT- I READ IT WRONG 😭😭 but this is so funny so I kept it in the ask, i cn be so silly sometimes)

NO WAY DROP THE NAME OF THE MOVIE! controversial? I'm questioning my tastes-

Ikr it's so wholesome and cute, the last episode ended on sung ho offering haebom to drink with him, man I'm totally up for everything that's coming next, Bcz haebom, is already in love and he might not realize it yet, Bcz the way he blushes EVERYTIME he sees sung ho. LIKE WHEN HE DROPPED HIM AT THE DAYCARE CENTRE HE THOUGHT "DID WE JUST LOOK LIKE A COUPLE RN??" NOW TELL ME THIS MF DOESN'T THINK ABT IT ALL THE TIME 😭😭 dw I'll update you once the new episode comes.

I don't wanna go to work tomorrow AND I DONT WANNA GO TO UNI I wanna fall in love with someone IM SO LOVESICK 🤧

LMFAOOOO 😭😭

RIGHT??? SOMETIMES I GENUINELY FEEL BAD FOR HIM BUT THHEN HE DOES SOMETHING AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD LIKE U DESERVE RASHTA ATP like he looks like hwa and it makes me feel bad but then he ABSOLUTELY DESERVES IT 😭

please stop. im in a public setting this picture to picture comparison is taking me out pls don’t let me do this bc i have this draft where the reader is an undercover empress and san’s a thief w heinry’s personality

LMFAOOOO NOT TARZAAN FBKWDHKW

A VERY INTIMIDATING CEO (YSL PERSONA) X HIS PRIV SECRETARY WHO WAS HIS JUNIOR IN UNI FBWMDJWKDJKW WRAPPED INTO FAKE DATING ANON DO NOT DO THIS RN

no srs as much of a goof heinry is he is quick to check someone like rashta or whoever disrespects navier like that,,,, rashta needs to go to jail esp for what she did to that maid???? gOD 😭😭😭 ITS ON SIGHT WITH HER AND THE WAY SHES COPYING NAVIERS STYLE AND HAIR ?????? CRYING honestly soveishu puts her in place sometimes and it makes me feel so good omg i just spoiled it for u

NAVIER IS THE PERSONA OF ELEGANCE !!! THE EMPRESS, ur asking the right questions bc when will fate put us under her fate 😭😭

NO SERIOUSLY AND HE MADE HER CRY LIKE ??? AND THEN ASKED HER TO MARRY HIM AGAIN AND BE THE MOTHER OF RASHTAS KID ???? BOY???? THATS NOT EVEN UR KID THQKDHWK NO LITERALLY PLAGIARISM WHERE U AT 🔫🔫🔫 DIVORCE EP WILL HAPPEN!!!!! HEINRY TREATS HER SO WELL GETS HER BLUSHING AND SHIT TOO 😭😭😭😭

duke kaufman is so 🥰☺️🥰 id be w him ngl very mingi coded

DUDE KOSAIR IS SO 😩😩😩 WHYS NAVIERS ENTIRE FAMILY SO PRETTY

NO LMFAOOO THIS IS SO CUTE FHWJD 😭😭😭 I FELL ON THE STAIRS LIKE GOING UP THE STAIRS did not fall asleep but i was transferring from my couch (where i slept on) to my room and i thought the platform of the stairs was there and i took a step and boom im collapsing <3 my eyes were closed yes bc i have this thing that if i open them while i transfer my sleep will vanish <3

omg ok it’s a 2006 bollywood movie w srk in it, it was extremely controversial bc of the concept but i think if it were released today it would’ve gotten a better reaction nonetheless

“DID WE JUST LOOK LIKE A COUPLE RN???” STOP IT. STOP IT. WEVE REACHED THE MOMENT OF REALIZATIONS !!!!!

manifesting a ceo who does ur taxes and handles everything for u <3

[jakowskis]

ok i just finished batman the caped crusader and i thought i'd dump my thoughts here cuz why not

big fan of the 1940s noir vibes, batman ofc originated in the 40s and i love that its been able to evolve w modern times but the 40s will always be its home yanno, so it's always good when it goes back to it. was one of the appeals of btas too. it esp pairs well w all the mob stuff going on within gotham theres just smth so classic abt batman beating up gangsters w tommy guns. batman n noir pair soo infinitely well. its a key component to the universe rlly

loveddd barbara and renee. i love barbara's diversity as a character, she works well n thrives in so many roles. she was essentially the main character of this tbh n she kicked ass. loved her

was cool to see characters u dont see often - i whooped when onomatopoeia showed up. too bad they underutilized him. what we did see was cool tho

toby stephens was srsly channeling tim curry oml

CARRIE!!! STEPHANIE!! there might of been more but i only clocked it when i immediately recognized carrie fsdhk (update i just checked the other two were dick n jason refs??? ok!!!!)

dude some shit was creepyyy like. idk if this was for kids per se but if i watched as a kid several things in this woulda creeped me tf out. ig it's sort of on par w btas / 90s cartoons in general which were a bit more... Intense but ya i was like woah at parts

i forgot how much fun it is to hav a villain of the week / semi unrelated story every ep like. idk if its just the shows ive been watching or a streaming thing but i feel like that genre of show n esp cartoon is a lot less common than it used to be, at least in media that's not exclusively for kids. altho again i rlly dunno what the age range for this was. maybe an intense pg idk

the elephant in the room... harley... sigh. it was rlly cool to see a harley who exists independently of joker, who created herself, but it was... an odd take for her that i wanted to like, but couldn't. it was mostly a matter of her temperament when she was doing her crimes, like i just.. couldn't reconcile it. out-of-costume harley was good, i loved her, and her x renee 👀but once that jester's costume was on it felt all wrong. i liked her motives, but the execution... you can do the off-on switch with certain characters - harley isn't one of them. a calm calculated cold harley who doesnt have any fun in her villainy just doesn't work. so that was a bummer

the bruce in this felt like a midpoint between the batman 2022's weird little freak + then, like, ur standard bruce. gd and he was fucking RUDE. it kind of drove me nuts a little tbh like his callousness with alfred (not calling him by his name???) was an odd choice imo

soo many recognizable voices in this. im a voice acting nerd so i was having fun consulting the wikipedia and going 'OHHH'

i hav more thoughts but im sleepy so im jus gonna wrap up by saying ive been following this since day one like i read a news article abt it wayyy back in 2021 when it was in development n i followed news on it for ages n its so cool to see the final product, like i havent had tht w many things i usually forget abt stuff fshkdj. also i cant believe max passed on it like this had all the ingredients of a winner n it turned out even better than you'd expect. baffling

all n all p damn good except for some odd character choices but i very much liked it

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

U want to forget but I don't, no, not just yet

We smoked blow on the last subway cart on the train track. u used ur body to hide my high, remember when we ran away together that one nite? we were infinite like the perks of being a wallflower tunnel scene, we were laughing and panicking and kissing. Flowers growing just into the wrong tree.

ive spent so much time in unmemorizing but can u rly forget when

You bleached my hair with ur bare hands when it was all firetruck red

didn't use gloves

somehow u were always magic

The white pieces tht go thru a layer of ur skin always just came off

when u fucked me on the couch after I stopped going to therapy 

cuz u said she didn't understand me

She didn't understand addiction

Or any of the layers in me

When that uber driver from Chinatown drove us back home and farted so loud n didn't say sorry

when you met me at Greenpoint three times in one day 

To drop me off to work

Bring me fried chicken

Then an umbrella cuz it rained

U rode the subway the entire day on myrtle wycoff

And myrtle Broadway

At broadway junction, u carried crates of clothes for me for my children's fashion show date

Even ripped and cut apart ur own

Said u didn't need them anyway

Coffee in the greca 

hazelnut creamer 

"Dark and sweet"

Remember when we switched Starbucks drinks outside the farmers market in la?

I miss when u'd sing Beyonce

N how you'd sit on the sidewalk and call it “photosynthesis"

I just didn't know what love felt like til I saw u w that one dog u would dog sit

-----

i thought I had my heart broken before but

this feels like the very first time

Losing you feels like losing everyone ive ever lost in every god damn lifetime

Ive spent the entire night up but i still feel like i haven't been awake

figuring out who u were all along makes me regret saying yes to Sally's that day

i trusted u with no boundaries

So how do I begin to mend?

the holes in my heart

I don't wanna live for anything anymore

Not money nor my family not even art

Its like someone kicked me on the curb

Saw me bleeding 

Then kept kicking

and kicking 

and kicking me

still not stopping 

even when im crying red

i swear my heart just stopped beating

i can't feel it anymore 

cant feel u anymore

even in this feeling

feeling so close to death

-----

u were a wallflower

Just as lost as me 

My therapist said we found in each other what wasn't healed yet

we were flowers just growing into the wrong tree

i wish we blossomed into a mango tree 

u said u just wanted to be enough 

and I wish u knew I always thought u were

sometimes i still wish it was u id see on the living room floor 

Doing whatever u were doing

scratching off a ticket

eating dinner 

Drilling another hole into something 

nothing ever mattered when u laid beside me 

Not drugs

Or "intentional planned dates"

Just shared plates 

shared forks

shared home

With a ceiling

and a door

U were always self made

-----

If I told u I forgave u would u believe true love conquers hate?

I miss the perfume samples u gave 

the journals you'd steal for me

the cheese it's at laguaria airport

when u forgot how to spell my last name

The 100 coconut waters

All of ur last last dollars

All I ever wanted was u

More than freedom I want u

More than my life together I want u

More than money more than drugs more than heaven more than being equally loved.

—

let my blood run down the sink drain

I always told u id die before u 

im sry we can't die together today 

my ears are ringing and time is impending 

i feel myself dying

i wish u were with me 

i miss ur voice i miss ur face

[naturalbornkillass]

delayed post from 07/10/22 - A weird week: still depressed // might need to get the “hottest girl in rehab” sweatshirt. // modern feminism // why am i attracted to older men i dont even ducking have daddy issues

The last part happened today but i’ll include it into my evenfully unevenful week

i’ve been ridiculously depressed and irritable this week. i havent touched my prescripted medicine and i probably should. i’m in no way getting better.

During the 4th of july, i got into a hugeeee argument with my dad and i ended up staying home and playing roblox w my friends. it was kinda fun, then it all hit me. I’m at home during the 4th of july, doing absolutely nothing. I was bored and depressed. I HAD NOTHING TO DO!! So I ordered some food from grubhub and it made me feel better for a little bit. Then it hit me again. I'm getting fomo. How can i celebrate the 4th. of july? and listen I’m not the most patriotic citizen, and to be honest, i’m not big on independence day. although I am big on the celebrations itself, whether or not i really give a fuck about the reason of the celebration .

i decided to try lsd for the first time, and it was def the most sensational type of high i’ve ever experienced. especially bc it was laced with some other strong ass shit, which i didn't really know until i got tested positive for other stuff. I didn't rly mind tho, i had a good time regardless. My therapist was not happy ofc, so they actually told me that they may have to send me to a 30 day rehabilitation program if things don’t improve within the next week. It’s either that, or I have to stay at a psych ward for 7 days minimum, which isnt as bad, given that it’s so easy to trick them into thinking that you’re doing well within the span of a week. But either way, i’ll be stripped away from any sort of communication with all of you. unless i can memorize all of your number. not tryna do all that.

I'm against it, obviously. I’m functioning! I should be fine.

The reason why i’m not making such a big deal out of this is bc I’m not being too irresponsible with everything. Honestly i really do believe that they’re just trying to profit off of me. No one really knows what to do in those places. None of the staff members really know what they were getting themselves into. If you’re there for the money, why cant you at least try to put some effort on the shit tht you were supposed to do?

if i do end up in one in the future, best believe i’m pulling up in the corniest fit ever

but fr tho i actually have to start putting some effort because i’m not trying to go to some goddamn facility. I have many plans for this summer and living in a place w a bunch of druggiez isnt my thing. if all fails, i hope to be grouped with cool people.

i met someone on roblox, which i’ve spent a few hours with….at night. it was fun okay, and im not for edating, but this is entertaining for me. i wonder how many ppl he’s groomed online. better yet, i wonder how many people get groomed on roblox??? He’s 21 btw i forgot to mention, and yeah he does sound like it. Thats all i can say tho.

The thing is, you’ll never know if your the groomer or the groomee. Edating is so funny to me despite the times that i’ve attempted to do so. I got out of that phase towards the beginning(-ish?) of 9th grade. After that, I’ve just started fishing for some creepy pedos online and i tried to see if i can get money off of them. I found many, but they all wanted my fucking face to be in pictures/videos and they wanted to be able to hear my voice and such, like how desperate can you be? Theyre all really fucking pathetic and it just pissed me off seeing people live like that. Discord users are really something else……..

just dont edate. It's that easy.

One thing that I have noticed is that I kinda have a problem with older men. Why am I writing about this online rather than telling a professional about this? Idk but I just felt like it needs to be talked about. No, I don't have daddy issues, which proves that it's only a common stereotype. Women have such a great amount of power, simply just by existing. Next thing you know, you've hypnotized them into throwing their cash onto you.

[keytomythoughts]

Perfection Imperfections | Chapter 1

Chapter Index 

»»—————————————-　

Finally, summer break. It’s been a while since I was able to go home. Having to attend high school rather far from my home in Seoul, I never thought that I’d adjust to the new environment. Fortunately, I wasn’t entirely alone, since I stayed with my aunt for the four years of my high school life. School wasn’t so bad, but the homesickness is what killed it for me. Even though it was my parents' idea to send me a rather vast distance—me not being too excited about it, but I knew I wouldn’t get my way in the end—there was some good that came from it. The two only good things, actually. 

I glance outside the train window, the buildings of Busan zooming past me. Sure, it may not be my home, but I won’t lie. I’m really going to miss this place. My phone suddenly vibrates in my lap, glancing down to see a text from my group chat, smiling as I respond.

(Binnie)

R u still on the train?

                                                               Yeah have been for the past like 30 mins

(Eunuwu) 

Going back to ur parents? Or r u moving out?

                                                                                                                      Funny

                                                                        Yk I can’t move out, at least not on                                                                            my own. My parents won’t allow it

(Binnie)

:/

What about Jaehyun?

                                                                            Idk, they rlly dc what he does tbh

                                                                       They’re just hell-bent on me getting                                                                                    into the top schools and shit

(Eunuwu)

Damn, rough

                                                                                                                        Mhm

(Binnie)

Try talking to them, u never know

They might change their minds?

                                                                 Nah, I already know how it’s gonna end

                                                                         Me crying and stuffing myself with                                                                           pints of ice cream

(Eunuwu)

Doesn't sound so bad

(Binnie)

¬_¬

(Eunuwu)

Except for the crying part ofc

But c’mon it cant really be THAT bad

I’ve been over plenty of times, they seem nice

(Binnie)

U’ve been to her house??

                                                                         Yeah him and oppa are friends too

(Binnie)

Righttt forgot lol

                                                                  And that’s bc you were there dumbass                                                                    and half of the time ur either in oppa’s                                                                    room or out somewhere

                                                                  Interaction with my parents = minimal

(Binnie)

That sounds awful ngl :( sorry Hyuna

But hey we should all hang soon!

(Eunuwu)

I’ll be in Seoul for the summer too so y not?

                                                                                                           I miss y’all :’(

                                                                   Ok I should be there around like 5 ish                                                                     so I’ll text then

(Binnie)

Aww I miss u toooo 

(Eunuwu)

*puke*

                                                                                           Shut up, ur just jealous

(Eunuwu)

Me? Jealous?? Of what, ur face?

Yea no thx, Ive got a great face already

And personality 0:)

                                                                               Gr8, explains why ur still single

(Binnie)

LOLL

She got u there bro

(Eunuwu)

Shut up

Ur talking as if u’ve got a gf

Idiot

(Binnie)

At least I didnt reject them as coldly as u did lol 

                                                                                             See? My point exactly

                                                                               Your fAcE scared off every girl                                                                                   in sight bc of tht pErSoNaLiTy

                                                                           I almost feel bad for them, u little                                                                             heart breaker

(Binnie)

He made a couple of em cry I heard

                                                                                                                     Rlly?!?

                                                                                                                         YAH

                                                                                                               U MORON

(Eunuwu)

Bin wtf

(Binnie)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

                                                                                    U JERK HOW COULD U??

                                                                                              Those poor girls omg

                                                                               Im so kicking ur ass when I c u

(Binnie)

Me 2

(Eunuwu)

Wtf?? Y???

(Binnie)

No reason lol, just feel like it

                                                                                         And this is why ily Binnie

(Binnie)

:D <3

(Eunuwu)

GROSS

                                                                                                        Can it u demon

                                                                                                         Read 4:02 PM

I snort, turning off my phone and placing it back down on my lap as I go back to staring outside my left-hand window again. Meet Cha Eunwoo and Moon Bin, my two best friends. The only reason I got through high school how I did without major setbacks. Sure, there was the occasional homesickness and all, but had I not met these two, I probably wouldn’t have even attended and graduated. 

Being so far away from the place I grew up never really suited me, and they saw it right away from day one how lonely and upset I looked. I didn't seem to fit in, especially since I skipped a grade and was placed in classes that were very advanced for me. Not that I minded the vigor, but it was hard for me to socialize, let alone make friends. 

That’s when I met them. Freshman year in homeroom before my first literature class. Moon Bin, a boy with parted, coppery-golden hair accompanied by his shy, puppy-eye smile and sweet nature, offered me an empty seat next to him in class, even going as far as to share his textbook and asking how I found the school. No doubt, I was embarrassed and immensely shy, stuttering over my words and failing to meet his soft gaze. However, he didn’t make fun of me nor find me odd. All he did was smile, laughing lightly at my slightly flustered state. He stuck his hand out, introducing himself (most people just call him Moonbin or Bin) with that smile of his, thus the start of our new friendship. Since then, he became someone who always knew how to cheer me up when I was feeling down. No moment was ever dull with him by my side. 

Eunwoo, the tall, brooding black-haired and charismatic student almost everyone knew (and crushed on) of, was usually with Moonbin when we hung out together, but he normally kept to himself. Though quiet and sometimes reserved with his intimidating looks, it didn’t take long for him to break the ice with us, the three of us becoming close friends. Promising to stay like this until we went to college and beyond. Regardless if we all diverge and tread different paths, we would always converge and come back to one another. 

Four years flew by and graduation was upon us. Just like that, the two became like family to me, my ride-or-die duo. The two who were able to turn my world upside down, finding solace in a time where I thought it was nearly impossible for me to.  

My thoughts are interrupted by my “Move” ringtone—yes, I’m a huge Lee Taemin fan—looking down at my phone again to see it’s my brother calling. I sigh, picking up the call.

“What?” 

He gasps dramatically. “Is that any way to address your loving older brother after being away for so long?”

I snort, shaking my head. “Loving my ass, oppa. How are mom and dad?”

“They’re fine, living. Didn’t you tell them you’re coming home?”

“Nope, I don’t even text them that often. You already know this..”

He sighs. “Yeah, I figured.” 

There’s a slight pause on his end, but he continues. “You took the three-thirty train, right? So you’ll be here around five or so?”

“Yeah, give or take.” 

I look out the window again to see the endless stretch of greenery and flowing springs, sometimes even children playing in the fields. I grin mischievously, deciding to poke fun at my brother when he doesn’t respond right away. 

“What, you miss me?”

He makes a sound similar to throwing up. “As if. I got so used to the peace and quiet. I’m not ready for it to go away.” 

“Yah!” I realize that I had yelled a bit too loudly and eyes were now trained on me, and I bow my head in apology. I lower my voice, “You’re such an asshole.”

“Oh, I know, but you still love me anyway.”

“Shut up.”

I can hear his laugh resonate through the phone and a smile unknowingly tugs at my lips. I wouldn’t say it out loud, but it’s true. When I lived with my aunt in Busan for the duration of high school, I missed Jaehyun a lot. Though two years older than me, he didn’t seem to alienate me the way my parents do. While I hate the notion that they spoil Jaehyun endlessly and let him do as he wishes, I won’t lie and say that he was a prick about it. He could’ve been, but he never came off as selfish. I’m really close with my brother, shocking as it may be. Sibling relationships are like that—one minute you want to strangle them with their intestines and the next you’re singing duets together. Crazy, but that’s how it is for us. My parents don’t really pay me any attention, so Jaehyun decides to do that instead. Not complaining though. I’d rather take his pranking and teasing over my parents’ demands and reprimands any day.

“Aight, I’m heading out for a bit. Text me when you arrive.”

I smile again. “Will do, but make sure to get me food!”

“Let me think…” He hums, and I can practically sense the smirk on his end. “Nope. Get your own.”

“Oppa!”

Jaehyun laughs. “See you in a bit, Hyuna. Get here safely. Bye!”   

He hangs up the call before I get a chance to retort, and I scoff. Typical of my brother. He knows how much I enjoy street food, and every time he goes out, it’s almost certain that most of the time he stops somewhere to eat. Did he ever bring food back? Sure, but by the time I’d get to it, most of it was gone anyways. That only lasted a little while before I had gone upstate anyways, so he had more food for himself, I guess.

As the train barrels down the tracks, I feel my heart racing in excitement, but there’s also a slight ounce of dread. I really don’t know why. I want to believe it’s because I’ve been away for too long, but part of me knows it’s the fact that I’ll have to face my parents again. Knowing that I only have two months to decide where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, I know the bitter truth is that those decisions won’t be left up to me. Last time, I was sent to Busan.

God knows where I’d be sent to now.

***

“Final destination of the KTX Busan-Seoul train at Seoul Station is approaching and will arrive at 05:30 PM. The doors to alight are on the right hand side. All passengers are requested to dismount the train upon arrival. Thank you.” 

That’s my stop.

Gathering my bag and hand luggage, I patiently wait for the train to pull up at the station. Seeing the familiar shops and buildings around me makes my legs bounce up and down in both excitement and anticipation. 

Four long years away from Seoul...

Before getting off, I quickly text the group chat and then my brother, letting them all know that I’ve reached safely. Side-stepping the other passengers exiting the subway doors, I carefully land onto the platform with my luggage in tow. I breathe in the air around as I stretch my arms up into the sky, the grin widening on my face.

It sure as hell feels good to be back home.

I try my best to maneuver through the crowds, but it doesn’t stop the rush of people knocking into me. At times like these, I curse my genetics for favoring my older brother instead of me in terms of height. Eventually, I come to a clearing and when my eyes glance upwards, I spot a rather familiar dark brown-haired six-foot-tall male amongst the small crowd waving me over.

“Hyuna, over here!”

I gasp, my eyes widening. “Oppa!”

He smiles as I begin walking towards him, my feet hurriedly moving across the concrete. The distance between us shortens and I abandon my luggage as he opens his arms wide. 

Only for me to sucker punch him in the stomach.

He yelps in pain, grimacing as he holds his abdomen. “Shit, that hurt. What has Aunt Sua been feeding you up there? Rocks?”

I smack his shoulder, my blood slightly boiling in anger. “Yah, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?! Do you know how much money I blew off for the bus fare?”

He straightens his back before going to rub his shoulder, then behind his neck.

“Fine, fine. My bad. I wanted to surprise you, but I guess that didn’t work, did it?” 

I cross my arms over my chest, huffing in annoyance. He sighs, nodding.

“Okay, okay, I’ll compensate you. Dinner’s on me.”

At this I grin, blinking excitedly. I grab onto his arm and shake it vigorously. “Really? You mean it? You’re the best, oppa!” 

“Look at this brat..” he taunts, shaking his head. In a flash, he headlocks me and rubs the top of my head harshly with his knuckles, upsetting the neatly-tied auburn ponytail. 

“Yah! Quit it!” I smack his arms and flail in protest, but he chuckles, saying this is what I get for cunningly finding a way to exploit him the minute I stepped back into Seoul. 

What can I say? It’s a talent. 

He lets go eventually, and I try to smooth down my already-tangled hair. I grumble incoherently but Jaehyun pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. His free hand gently pats the side of my head in comfort.

“Welcome home, sis.”

I stand there stiff for a second before hugging back. He squeezes me tighter and I find myself smiling into his shoulder. 

“Good to be back,” I whisper. 

We stand like that for a moment before he pats my back a couple of times, us pulling away from each other soon after. He reaches behind me to grab my hand luggage as he shoulders my bag. I tell him that I can carry them just fine, but he starts walking away from the platform to the parking lot. I call out after him as I run to catch up, and I can see the corners of his mouth twitch. Jaehyun leads me to his car, a sleek matte-silver convertible Mustang. My mouth drops open in shock at its stunning beauty, my body forcing itself to remain composed for the sake of avoiding public self-embarrassment. 

He throws my luggage in the back seat before he turns to me, smirking at my expression. “You like it?”

“Shit, do I like it? I love it!” I run my fingers over its metallic surface, the silver exterior gleaming in the evening glow. Grinning, I stare up at my brother who catches my gaze as I stand next to the driver’s seat, my fingers already curled on the handle.

“Can I—”

“No.”

“Please—”

“Nope.”

I pout as I pull my hand away and step to the side. Jaehyun chuckles, rubbing my head playfully before getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car. The engine purrs to life as my brother pulls out his shades and wears them. He looks at me and cocks his head to the passenger seat. 

“Don’t just stand there. Get in.”

Smiling, I quickly make my way over to the other side and slip into the passenger seat. I barely have time to buckle in before Jaehyun speeds off. I scream in fright, but he laughs heartily, telling me to let loose.

With the wind harshly whipping around us, I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards, absorbing the remnants of my childhood in a place I’ll always call home. A place where my heart always feels at ease.

My name is Jung Hyuna. I’m eighteen years old, and this is my story.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |  

[qis-diamant99]

before 2021 ends,

I want to wrap this up by sharing the things that i went thru this year. so many things happened in just a year. I feel like i’ve grown too, from all the mistakes, from the wrong ppl i met who hurt me, etc. I learn. i learned a lot. Earlier this year, i met someone. who i never thought would give me so much trauma, and pain. Till this day, when i think about it, i got gaslighted and manipulated to the point that it took me months to recover. To convince myself that its never me. Im not the problem. I was finding reasons why did the person have the heart to do tht to me cause i would never do that to him. I still justified what he did at the very beginning bcs i was inlove with him. I was depressed thinking if there’s anything wrong with me that made him do that. Basically, i was used. Taken for granted. He knew all along that he would hurt me at the end, yet, he kept me long enough for his benefit. when he was lonely, sad, thats when he searched for me. But when he didnt know what to do, he was confused, he just throw me away like im some trash. But im glad tht i threw him away too.. When he got back with her, despite telling me shits of how much he got hurt by that girl, he went back to that anyway? Whats the point rlly? I was the one tht told u to fix things with her. & the audacity of you to say “i cant have what i want” when u couldnt “leave her”. In other words, u’re saying tht she’s not wht she wants actually

I’ll never forget tht. I’ll never forget how u let me suffer alone without an apology for the argument, for the last call we had, for all the traumatic words u said to me. I still cant find myself to forgive u for tht. I’ll never forget when u said “u gave me comfort. And she didnt” now i cant even imagine if she knows u said that. I have all the call records of u saying tht in case u think im lying. And i can show tht to her too. Or to everyone if i wanted to. But see how i keep quiet? be grateful. Also, Remember when u gaslighted me with denying that u forgot tht u said u love me? I swear to god. Thats the worst thing someone can ever say. The damage i had to endure after hearing all that tho. U have no idea. Now imagine her even knowing that u said u love some other girl behind her back just easy? lol. When i was moving on from you, thats when i realise every single thing. Every thing was connected. I realised u did me so wrong & i just let it happen? And i even became the better person by apologising for something thts clearly not my fault in the first place. I was so manipulated. Yes, i sent u tht long message. I meant every single word i said there, at that time. Bcs i was so still inlove with u. When i even took my time to go to a quiet bookstore just to talk to you when i was outside with my friends, bcs u were scared of getting covid, i was shaking bcs i was so worried abt you. Wow i cant believe i did all tht to someone who decided to bluntly played me & had no remorse. & u had the audacity to tell me that she was there for you at the end of the day? After talking bad about her to me? After demonising her? And u didnt even tell me earlier? Do u even care about how i felt at the time, at our last call when u said tht? I was so well fooled. I was so so blind. and of course, you ghosting me just shows how much i deserve so much more than that & you def dont deserve me. I shouldve not responded to ur text when u start double texting me and calling me etc at the beginning when i tried to stay away frm you. And i made it clear. I had good intentions all along. My love was pure & but u decided to play around. Never again, i go thru tht. But thank you btw, thank you. Bcs of you, i learned not to settle for less. She can have you all she wants. Until she knows what u did to her of course. But thats not my job to let her know. When the tables have turned, good luck. U better be grateful, that i shut my mouth abt you. U better b counting ur blessings frm now on that i dont tell her anything until now. Just know tht the things u did to me, is such an asshole move. Remember, u dont get to treat people like this and pretend like nothing happened w/o any payback. Enjoy it while it lasts. What goes around comes around. Mark my words.

Happy new year to you. This will be the last time i talk about you or even think abt you or even say your name. For sure, i no longer feel the pain in my heart when i hear ur name. But i still find the things u did was unacceptable bcs i know i dont deserve it. No one deserves it. Im closing the book here, today. Also, Miss sabrina azli deserves to know the truth. I have all the proofs with me. but wtv, till then. Goodbye.

[the-lavender-creator]

warning: euphoria spoilers, tw alcohol, drugs, sex, vague mention of suicide, abortion and sorry if i forgot any of the other common trigger tags

during there grad or dance or whatever they went to the bathroom together and they were in the stall and jules told rue i want you to want to kiss me so bad that you don't even ask and that lines lives rent free in my head 😭😭😭 rue didn't kiss her tho bc she's a shy little bottom smh 🙄 so they went back out to the dance floor or i think they went outside to sit and talk and long story short rue suggested they just run away to new york and jules said yes so they went back to rue's house for her to grab her stuff and then they went to the chain station where rue chickened out and jules kissed her on her hand and told her goodbye and that's pretty much where the season ended well after rue walked back home crying in the rain and then there was the notorious all for us dance part. i really relate to rue bc she has anxiety she was diagnosed with anxiety, ocd and i believe bipolar disorder all of them like between early childhood and her teens and like she also does really chaotic spur of the moment stuff like suggesting they run away but then she chickens out and i relate to tht a lot in terms of anxiety bc well same and also i feel like most characters with anxiety are portrayed as shy and and like anxiety is there whole personality whereas rue's portrayal seemed more realistic at least in terms of my own xp. like once she had a panic attack the first day back at school when she had to talk about her summer in front of the class, she also had a panic attack at a party but we also see her like being that wild and chaotic teenager and i think it's very important that they portrayed that those things are not mutually exclusive

rue says drugs are kind of cool - ik there's a lot of criticism that the show glorifies drugs but i think it just shows an accurate representation of the life of a drug addict like she admits that she knows it's bad to say. her addiction stemmed from her taking care of her very ill father and she had to give him pills and one day she took one or two i think and yeah and that's understandable bc she was really close to her father his death hurt her a lot and like the stress of taking care of him and just the whole situation ofc wld've emotionally impacted her negatively and one day she tries a pill and suddenly everything feels better so she wld obvi continue and ofc it got out of hand. there's also a really popular quote abt the 2 seconds of nothingness of smth like tht i cant remember it off hand

fav jules x nate - jules and nate had a very toxic and complicated relationship and i do not support it in any way but uhhhhthtpartwaskindahotsorry. anyways nate is typical school bully and jules is the new girl but plot twist nate who pretends to be the definition of straight is a jock has a gf etc likes or had a thing for ig mtf and jules and him formed a close relationship on some dating app and then she met him and yeah disappointment the clip is from the meeting she didn't actually stay she pushed him away and went back to rue's and rue hugged her to sleep and it was very sweet

another iconic rue quote - this was at the party i mentioned earlier where rue got a panic attack and jules' behaviour she was acting distant lately kind of contributed but jules had a lot going on with nate blackmailing her and her mom wanting to see her and then i think the night of the party she found out her mom was back in hospital so she was going thru a lot and not communicating with rue and rue felt like things were slipping and she had become sort of co dependent on jules and she was the reason she was staying clean sort of and all tht so rue took the change in behaviour hard ofc and yeah the quote was relatable

another quote from the party after her panic attack - her best friend from childhood lexi hugged her and reassured her she wasnt a burden and it ws very sweet again i love the duality of the crazy unhinged rue and the vulnerable rue it's chef's kiss

enby icon - rue usually dresses very casually and for the aforementioned dance thing she wore a suit she looked so good and jules did her makeup and she commented tht she was scared she messed with rue's gender presentation of smth like tht which is like all i need to confirm that rue is non binary UwU

chris mckay x cassie howard - kind of toxic relationship also kind of real he was older than her and the post is what he said when nate asked if they were dating there were a lot of weird stuff tht happened between them in the end she got pregnant and had an abortion and they broke up and she swore off dating for a while lol also cassie is lexi's big sister but my half a brain cell self watched the whole of season one thinking lexi was actually older and it was only when watching a fan edit on youtube i realized akjdf;ajdf;ka

rue being relatable again talking abt anxiety and why alcohol and drugs help - from personal xp and my friends' xp with anxiety like ppl can criticize the show for drug glorification but she's not lying and i believe anyone with anxiety who has a similar xp can testify to that however it's a slippery slope bc then ppl with anxiety and other mental illnesses may be inclined to also try drugs and alcohol but at the same time i think the show also portrays why you shldnt do tht so yh

rue special edition commentary - i nvr related to rue more than the things she said in this episode it was just her sitting down talking to ali her mentor and like she was spitting some real hard facts about being mentally ill and how it changes your perception of life and sometimes even when you're not in the worst spot anymore you still dont really care to live no matter how many people love you etc n felt

i live watched jules' special episode

some thoughts on rue being an unreliable narrator which she really is someone commented smth on this post tht changed my opinion of what i wrote abt not trusting her but i cant remember wht it was rn

rue manic rep - she was trying to figure out what was up with jules being distant and omg in this scene she also poured coffee into the coffee maker to make more coffee i believe smth like that but it was iconic lol but she did figure out nate was blackmailing jules and lexi was helping her

uhhhh i dont relate much to jules but these are the ways i do :(

jules' trans xp - so in her special episode speaking with her therapist she talked about performing feminity in a way to like please the male gaze and she realized she doesn't want to do tht anymore and tht like that isnt what being a girl is abt yk and the best thing abt this is usually she dresses very feminine and she wore a short skirt n crop tops on the first day of school in season 1 but for season 2's trailer she's wearing just sweats and a tee

hahahahha you might enjoy this post :)

ok this is long welp sorry

I wish you could put a read more line in an ask

[acadieum]

I remember being really into the barbie 3 musketeers movie (probably because barbie got to swordfight). Also princess and the pauper just for the "i am a girl like you"

BARBIE AND THE THREE MUSKETEERS AAAAH I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT ABT THAT ONE TOO

i LOVE that one!! i adore their masquerade outfits and weapons it was so cool to watch when i was younger! lmao i think that song is the only thing i know of tht movie tbh.. learned it thru barbie memes adjacency

[intearsaboutrobots]

Ppl who are aro: Dan A81, Jon tma, Edgeworth, Lang, Phoenix, who has had one (1) canonical relationship and still didn't do a single date thing with her as far as Capcom is concerned (no, really!), Kepler, Maxwell, Archer from the TV show Archer, that nice woman from Between the Stars and Bones whose name I forgot,, Elliot Scrubs! Also everyone who keeps having Lots Of Relationships bc honestly, they're just trying to Do Romance Right while Not Getting It At All, also FUCK this bullshit, wtf is wrong with them (re: that post about u kno)

!!!!! these are all very blessed and true and good, and i am going to write some small hcs abt all of them that are now under a read more for some talks of arophobia/internalised arophobia, brief allusion to dub/noncon

also i am as per the terms of the original post going to contradict popular and yes, even canon ships, do not read this if ur gonna b a dick abt that bc that is like the entire conceit of this activity so if it will make u mad then like just give the whole thing a miss

dan a81: imo routinely will end up in relationships w ladies who kind of take the lead and then like, will do his best yk like he is honestly pretty good at the skill of Being Boyfriend, but it is like a thing he is doing not a thing he is feeling? and that can kinda only take him so far. so every relationship he like coasts on that for a while, until the like. projected arc of the relationship gets to be one he cant keep up w before, and he slowly falls behind the like arc he has plotted out, and the relationship kinda coasts to a halt and ends. usually he gets broken up w, bc he is like. he does not hav the Relationship Feelings to begin w so its not like his Relationship Feelings are fading, he is kind of chugging along trying to keep doing the Being Boyfriend activity until his gf of the time breaks up w him

(i say gf bc, again, no relationship feelings, dan is largely adrift and he has fashioned himself a raft of Convenience and Social Norms - he is not gay, so he must b straight)

jon tma: SO ARO oh my gosh!!!! this man has never met a romance in his life and frankly doesnt want to. yes he dated georgie in uni. however in this case “dated“ was:

they were friends,

she kissed him drunk at a party,

he panicked,

she apologised and then passed out on him.

he ghosted the next day, or attempted to, but georgie loves her friends and feels really bad

and so shows up at his door w like. a lightly crumpled bouquet of a mishmash of yellow flowers

and is like, “yellow flowers are for friendship. also i am very sorry abt last night.“

n then they talk, n he is like “romance and sex are both gross and i hate them“ and she is like cool and rad

and honestly probs she is the first person he comes out to, not bc he didnt know before but bc hes a little misanthrope who doesnt let ppl that close to him

this unprecedented emotional intimacy means georgie is now Best Friend Status

everyone in their like social circle, seeing jon behave unprecedentedly familiar w someone, is like :eyes: oooooh love is blooming???

and jon n georgie when they figure this out r to each other like LMAO OH MY GOD, CAN U IMAGINE

but then also end up deciding tht like. actually letting ppl believe this is more convenient for both of them so no one will try to fuckin set them up w ppl or probe into their love life (ive just now decided georgie is like arospec also but not ace, and like. she loves ppl she hooks up w them, she could see herself maybe dating someone sometime, but she really doesnt lov the PRESSURe)

so its actually like. dating of convenience. fr fake dating. and they lov each other but the dating is not real

edgeworth: god just the aroace-est!!!!!!!!!! did not hav like a lotta dating opportunities growin up at manfred von karmas, which like, at the time i imagine he was rlly feelin the social isolation and like maybe at seein some fellow teens like, sharing a milkshake w 2 straws (IM ARO i dont know what dates look like!!!!) he was like :cc aw im sad. but it turns out!! he was just sad bc he was generally lonely, not bc he wanted to date. also he probably wanted a milkshake bc manfred doesnt seem like he gave his kids enough milkshakes.

lang: who needs romance when u hav 100 interpol agents !!!! lang i think really does crave that like, its a diff flavour of love to romance for sure but also to qpr type stuff, smth closer to family (it is pack love, he is a wolf) that is the thing he like, really needs and craves !!! also he defs has like casual recurring hookups w edgeworth (edgeworth doesnt feel the like attraction but, w someone he trusts n whatnot, the exertion/sensations n whatnot is like. nice ! neat ! not a thing he needs and just an occasional thing when lang is in town and theyre both free and inclined)

phoenix: i am choosing now to believe that phoenix is totally the aro who is like, im pan ! i am attracted to everyone equally ! as like a young adult, and only later is like .............ohhh. i am attracted to everyone equally Zero. that is the amt i am attracted to ppl. and he is like, a generally p friendly guy ! so he could defs end up in a situation where like, someone likes him n is like “hey wanna go to the movies?“ and hes like “aw yeah awesome!“ and then goes and he just like is fully monchin popcorn watchin the movie and laughin and ignoring any romantic advances, and then like the person later is like :ccc i thought u said u liked me... why did u ignore me on our date...... and phoenix is like ?????!?!?!?!?! when did we go on a date!!!

kepler: mmmm i think this is very neat bc like, goddard-era kepler is. you know. we all know my kepler hcs. he is a human trying to shed all of the mortal weak soft bits of himself so he can become an Ideal, and unfortunately humans are made exclusively of mortal soft weak bits so it is a very tragically impossible cause he is tearing himself apart for. but a facet of that is he is like super not in touch w his own like. “feelings“. he is a very calculated being, ok, a very crafted created being (or trying to be) and irrational stuff like that hes really good at ignoring. and also he is a spy. anyway what im saying is kepler is like, on a mission, or honestly maybe not on one, and ends up in a situation where like clearly another party is Interested in him, and tactically it is the most convenient best choice to Use that, so he does, and like afterwards when he is alone absolutely has a fun thing of “having an emotional breakdown while also not being aware of ur emotions“ (aka the great thing of like *touches face* oh are tears happening? i guess that explains why my breathing is so ragged. also why is all of this happening.)

maxwell: so aro!!!!!!!!! i hav like, a lot of hcs for the teams backstories ghsdlgk but maybe my fav maxwell one was that like, she grew up somewhere that did debutante balls, and before hers like, right before, she shaved her head in the bathroom. and her parents were v mad. this is a gender thing and also a thing of like, not wanting to be seen as an “attractive girl“. she does not want to be like. either of those, actually. do NOT perceive her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (<< this is tru of teen maxwell who like does not hav the words for this and is Figuring It Out, adult maxwell is probably pretty fine w being perceived and flipping ppl off if they are dicks and whatnot but this is like teen maxwell just feeling like AAAAA WHAT IS HAPPENING)

archer: i hav not seen this show in some time ghsdlgksh but i would like to say that yes, absolutely, and lana is too bc she is pretty and i like her

that nice woman from Between the Stars and Bones whose name I forgot : i hav heard 1 ep but im guessing kathy? i will listen more and find out!!!!!

elliot scrubs: oh my GOSH she is very very aro and also very ace, eliot imho really feels like someone trying to Do Romance and Sex but like, with no internal meters that measure those things, so she kind of veers wildly off course in all directions bc she is flying utterly utterly blind. maybe this is why she keeps ending up dating her friend jd, bc she is like “jd is my friend and i like him !“ and then she talks herself into “do i like-like him? i do. i must! i do, i definitely do!“ and then they date and a) jd is kind of a tool ghsldghsg he is not good at dating and b) she also starts to panic bc like “oh no why do i feel stressed and bad now??? am i doing dating wrong???? but i like jd????“ and its like yes hon bc he is a pal, the thing u do not like is dating him, and only partially bc of him being a real tool !!!!

[transrightsjimin]

more ranting abt welfare benefits hell

sorry for whining so much abt income on here, i know it should just be easy nd solveable by applying more for jobs, but the literal issue is that i have no skills or confidence (latter is according to my friend, but the way i cant envision handling any jobs well is jst the truth??) nd still havent gotten any help from the municipality w getting consulted by someone w more knowledge on the job market nd maybe being pushed to take on shitty jobs that at least perhaps pay better than mail delivery. it’s jst so frustrating how i requested welfare benefits over 4 months ago but it only counted since 3 months ago bc they kept fucking up w the requests, promised a payback for the lost month, but didnt, i believe?? now december we got nothing nd probably also january bc our ‘income was too high‘ for the minimum.

uh i side tracked nd forgot where i was going before, but i meant to say tht HALF A YEAR AGO i also requested help w getting help w jobs but bc bureaucratic bullshit it took until DECEMBER to get the help approved. and they would get me a contact person ‘surely before christmas, don’t worry!‘ and then they didn’t and replied they hadn’t forgotten about me and will surely help soon and i’m just. so fucking anxious about this all??

my parents help me financially w cash they gave (nd some of which came from my grandmas) (nd no im not happy w that bc one of them is doing worse financially but still wants to give it away, nd the other is dead nd my uncle gave her left over money to family which feels ironic bc hes a millionaire but only gives a bit from his dead mom??) so that i can buy groceries bc me and my friend’s paychecks + welfare benefits can only cover rent + food and so not also other bills such as for healthcare that i have to make payment plans for. and even w help w groceries i still end up in the negatives, especially last month bc we ‘made too much‘ to receive something. i dont even dare to sell clothing or anything online for money bc that’d only mean ‘income from hobbies’ they could see i have and thus more reason to get stripped from this too.

and that is just the whole issue!! the municipality runs all these checks and forms and calls and appointments and documents you need to hand in, but there is NO calculation determining what you actually need. instead, based on the type of household, we were categorized as fiscal partners without children who receive the benefits together and thus we receive benefits (in the months that we do) to add it up to the ‘living minimum‘ €1500 in total. this amount does not cover our actual expenses, nor does this match inflation or how social housing has been broken down as a system and that real estate owners can increase rent prices as much as they want. there is a monthly grant that tenants could receive for renting a home, but only if it is an apartment AND below 752,33 euros per month (which is when it is considered social housing, above that it’s the ‘free market‘), and that is just virtually impossible?? but we were not once asked if we can actually pay anything and the people meant to help us w benefits just don’t fucking get flex work contracts or how our income over a certain month is received way later in the month after that. like they have a stable job and just dont fucking get that it is not designed well for us.

i think my anxiety over this issue has gotten worse ever since the news came out that a dutch woman on benefits got a €7000 fine because her mom did groceries for her and that’s considered fraud??!! she couldn’t afford food so her mom bought groceries for her but that is also considered financial compensation and thus she got this huge fine, which she probably cannot afford and the fucked up thing w fines from institutions is that they ask interest over it if you don’t pay it in time or enough of it, and give more fines and even charge fees for something like you receiving a letter and they’re just free to pull this shit bc it’s a for-profit business. and that’s how ppl end up w debt and huge loans. it’s just so infuriating nd i really dont want a fine or lose the right to benefits. even though i prob wont get it for a while bc of my friend’s job that tends to make our incomes together reach just the ‘living minimum‘. i have this bill of €250 for adhd diagnosis, then monthly bills for meds that are €76 of which i can receive most back and ‘only’ need to pay €25 from it, then theres an orthodentist bill of around €92 bc i forget this insurance company still counts from back when i was w it the first time nd orthodontist stuff gets insured up to €1000 and that amount was used up like 10 years ago nd they still count like that despite me having had a different insurer in between.

i just need a stupid fcking job nd i hate to whine abt this bc theres so many ppl in much worse situations who ‘take initiative‘ nd start looking for jobs, but AGAIN  i have no ‘basic’ skills like being able to listen and understand words well nd fast or show the right facial expressions or have good memory or dexterity or be able to answer difficult questions or focus on reading etc etc, nor do i i have an idea what job i should or could do.like i fcking need an income, moreover i need a break, im in this fcking burnout since like 2013 and in depression since at least 2004 lmfao but it’s never been recognized as bad enough by specialists bc im not suicidal, but it’s also not good to the point where i ever know if i felt ok. also just. i feel like i did use to have a bit more confidence in myself in high school but it all got sucked out of me in art college (bc horribly bigoted teachers + students and being taught that drawing well is in fact not at all important in the domestic market but rather being INNOVATIVE and NETWORKING and also COPYING is the way to success!! like not kidding, thats what teachers told us) nd by my parents (bc i became older nd didnt spontaneously do all these chores or jobs despite having no fcking clue how bc they never taught stuff). like i just dont know how ppl live comfortably w themselves and know what its like to be themselves nd not feel bad nd anxious abt everything

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunter x hunter thotz so far

soooo ruth and i started watching hunter x hunter woohoo finally! we’re like 10 or so eps in so i decided to collect some thots below on what i think so far (i havent rlly been spoiled so im interested to look back on this once ive watched more)

first off i love gon sm, hes immediately so endearing...hes just a baby!!!! just a little baby boy!!!! hes just so cute and good, im so not ready for him to get put thru the wringer later on as ive vaguely heard happens

the first few episodes were really fast paced which i enjoyed and thought was for the best. the characters came thru really strongly and i feel like we heard juuuust enough about the setting, premise, and what a hunter is 

i wasnt expecting leorio and kurapika to show up in the FIRST EP lmao that surprised me. i love so much how the three of them like IMMEDIATELY became a family unit in like 3 eps lmaoooo it was like ok here are 2 parents and their son bam. also leorio and kurapika having a showdown on the boat (which didnt end up happening) was a wild ride 

i have like zero fucking idea what a hunter is and the more they attempt to explain the more confused i get. its honestly kind of hilarious how little sense it makes. to be clear this doesnt detract from my enjoyment of the show at all (if anything it adds to it)

oh my god fuckgin hisoka is the worst he hasnt done much but i hate him so much already. good villain writing/design so far, hes so hateable

ruth every time hisoka shows up: WE HATE UR PUSSY BIIIITCH 

the character design in this show is....a lot lmao. ruth and i decided its a cross between soul eater, jojo, and one piece in terms of aesthetic. the designs are certainly unique and so many of them are just so ugly hvbjafdbdskgs it reminds me of that post thats like ‘masterpost of jojo characters who look busted as shit’ lmao

i already love this show a lot tbh like the way its structured so far has been kinda atypical for a shounen, at least in terms of fights - we really havent seen a lot of fighting yet. also nen hasnt shown up yet and its reminding me of stands not becoming a thing in jojo until p3 lmao 

anyways in litrally ep1 i already loved the 3 main characters we saw...leorio is a wild dude, i love him sm, especially as a fellow medical binch who wants MONEY. like, thats literally me. and kurapika is also wild, like damn they rlly just dropped their backstory in ep 1 huh. like we rlly are jumping right into this 

also when leorio said he was a teenager i was like WHAT???? just like evryone else which YEA omfg. i cant believe hes that young lmao. kurapika too

so leorio is one of those 19 yr olds who looks 40 and kurapika is the type of teen who looks like a 12 yr old

and KILLUA i love him sm also....hes an adorable assassin catboy and hes perfect. i love how quickly he and gon hit it off (tiny bfs.....) and how hes just like, this extra as hell 12 yr old with a SKATEBOARD and ASSASSIN SKILLS and then he sees gon and is like guess im gonna fall in love 

i gotta talk abt gon again i just love him. hes so polite and cute and kind and good, i just love him...wht a good protag. his motivation is just wild too, hes like well my dad abandoned me to go off and be a hunter (which he isnt even mad abt, what a nice lad) so im gonna do that to see what the deal is

i love how gon (just like the audience) doesnt really know what a hunter does/is and just goes into the exam totally blind lmao. also the fact that his skills seem to include jumping good, being speedy, having the energy typical of a 12 yr old, being a weather sniffer, being nice, and having good instincts/constitution as a result of having eaten random grass and forest shit growing up...amazing. 

is this gonna turn out to be one of those things where its like, wow theyve been using nen this whole time without realizing! tht would honestly explain a lot lmao 

i really enjoy how like....semi-normal the power levels are rn? while also being all over the place and wack as fucks obvs (like hisoka dissolving that guys arms in his first appearance was A Lot, as well as all the card stuff hes done..). like the part wher that blue guys (evil franky one piece) punches the ground and it leaves a crater and everyones like !!!! wow wtf thats unnatural! that literally threw me off bc that kinda thing is so normal in anime lmaoooo. but i like that thats the starting point bc it leaves a lot of room for power escalation w/out it getting too out of hand 

specifially our protags are starting out pretty low on the Shounen Badass scale - especially gon (and leorio, tho i kinda predict he wont be as fight-y? what with him being premed)

i find it kinda hilarious how killua hasnt done too much (aside from murdering those 2 randos in like half a second) despite being so clearly skilled...like when they have to do the 5v5 fight thing in the tower, i wouldve thought hed be the first up cause hes so badass but nope

actually thats what i find interesting - i was expecting all 5 (or maybe 4, we’re in the middle of leorio’s ‘fight’) of the fights to be physical smackdowns but so far nope, theyve been very cerebral. that bodes well, w/how smart the fights have been, bc i doubt the fights will get stale tht way 

tho they might be kinda frustrating sometimes - there are times when u DO just wanna see a good ole fashioned shounen beatdown yknow. but we do get enough of that now (and im sure we’ll get plenty more) to satisfy (like kurapika decking fake-franky) 

oh also the opening. its so charming and cute and i love the song...its also so hilariously basic and classic - like one of those typical 2000s anime openings where theres stock run cycles of all the main characters and theres a little animation of all the characters fighting together (and that fight doesnt actually happen, its just for the op) 

also love that leorios the only one who doesnt fight in the OP, instead getting saved from death by gon lmao. im curious if he’ll end up fighting at all (i assume a little?) and if he’ll use nen (probably healing type nen?) 

also i already wanna fistfight ging for abandoning his perfect angel son. also leorio is literally gons dad already, they even look alike wow 

that guy hanzo has done basically 0 things so far but i rlly like him already, im curious if thatll change. also sorry for calling u ‘hanzo overwatch!?!?!?!’ upon first viewing my guy 

tonpa is str8 up so annoying pls leave u pathetic loser 

tho it cracked me up when he and Evil Mr Clean were facing off and starting getting all detailed/shaded and i was like o shit is he actually badass. are we abt to see like a nen battle or st. but no....lmaooo

i found it interesting that leorio didnt really admit to wanting to be a dr at first...hes such a good dude, he kinda just let kurapika think that his motives were superficial and greedy when in actuality theyre selfless

also wanting to be rich can be a rlly interesting character motivation and i love when its done right

oh my god i cant believe it took me this long to mention the hilariously edge ED....like holy shit, its so 2000s, the song sounds like its been re-recorded like 40000 times bc of how bad the audio quality is, or something, idk how to describe music but its hilariously specific in tone and its rlly funny to see shots of the main characters smiling while this screamo whatever plays in the bg....wow. 

also s/o to killua for being king of edgy with that ‘tear of blood’ shot

i rlly like how much of the plot, especially the early hunter exam stuff, is moved along simply by gon being a good kind polite boy. 

love the fact that he and leorio and kurapika (and later killua) all team up without even saying anything...i love that, most shounen would have them be like ‘che, i cant team up with anyone, i have to prove myself ALONE or my victory wont be EARNED’ or w/e idk. who knows that might happen later but rn i love how they all effortlessly work together (and how they all contribute - without each other they would have all failed at different points) 

oh man also killuas first appearence was so funny when he drank a bunch of tonpas poisoned drinks and was like [smirks] tch, loser, im immune to poison. get dunked on. [skateboard away] i love him so fuckgin much 

omfg that part where killua looks all shoujo/kawaii and is talking abt how hes gonna kill his family or w/e and gon is just like ^_^? i love they

HOOOOLY FUCK I ALMOST FORGOT, BUT 65% OF THE REASON I MADE THIS POST WAS TO MENTION HISOKAS THEME LMAOOOOO his music being like fuckgin, spanish guitar/traditional mexican type music is sooooo goddamn funny to me for some reason, like the first time it played i was like ok whats going ON with this spanish guitar lmao but then i figured out that its his theme and god thats so funny 

hisoka is also so fuckign jojo like he could so easily be in jojo. he and dio would be the fakest best friends ever and would constantly try to kill each other on the lowdown and shittalk each other constantly in private but be super sweet to each others faces. also they would hatefuck. no im not taking criticism bye 

i rlly love everyones backstories also, and i find it interesting that weve gotten to hear/see at least some of all 4 of the MCs backstories. theyre all compelling and interesting and i cant wait to dive in further 

also calling it now but kurapika is totally gonna get way too absorbed in revenge and get fucked up/disregard their own life (maybe in the style of robin in one piece?) we’ll see but i feel like it aint gonna end well. i could be wrong, i really havent been spoiled at all, thats just my guess 

hbahjfbshjf the ep that was called ‘hisoka x is x sneaky’ was SO funny that reads like a dora the explorer ep title 

also i had no idea the ep titles were formatted like that w/the x’s and thats rlly funny 

ok but the part where leorio - who seems to be pretty bad at fighting - tries to fight hisoka - whose literal first appearence involved him effortlessly dissolving a dudes arms - is so fucking funny. leorio rlly b a premed w/no brain cells....same bro. 

also i loved the Cutthroat Kitchen portion of the hunter exam and how not a single contestant was any good at it lmaoooo. do they not have the cooking channel in hxh-verse earth 

ok i love how the main characters are all intuitive in different ways depending on their own skills, like how killua can immediately guess that kurapika has never killed anyone before after they didnt kill evil-franky

kurapika joined killua in the Edgy Corner during that part also. like, they both have legit reasons to be edgy, but the shots of kurapika sitting in the darker tunnel part was kinda funny

also killua, a literal 12 yr old, calling out kurapika for being a murder virgin was pretty hilarious 

ok also i didnt know that madhouse animated hxh which is rlly funny but w/e i love the animation especially the occasional chibi parts and the facial expressions (like killuas ‘i love murder’ catboy expressions) 

oh also when killua murdered those 2 guys and his hand was all vein-y and his nails were pointy, his hands looked like hisokas do...i wonder if thats a legit connection or it hisoka just b getting his nails did 

kurapika talking abt how even seeing a regular spider makes them rlly angry was both very sad and kinda funny. kura u have so many issues god bless 

kurapikas smackdown on evil blue franky was fuckin dope tho. and the red eyes reveal was SPOICY 

rlly love how the individual fights highlights the characters strengths/morals/motivations/whatever....the writing is already really strong tbh 

ugh ok ive ranted enough this is a Lot lmao its so disorganized but w/e 

basically i love this series so far and im rlly curious whatll happen next. also everything seems pretty chill and upbeat so far (relatively) and i know this shit gets dark and im NOT FUCKING READY. 

til next timeeee

[tessacxstello]

hello im (F, 24) an idiot and forgot to post tessa’s (F, 22, fictional) intro!

pls bare in mind most of this was written 5+ years ago n i haven’t written tessa since 2015...... but lets get this show (LOCKWOODRP) on the road (DASHBOARD). 

tw school shooting, tw bipolar disorder

art hoe. always covered in paint. why?? she bad at painting

the mark rothko jackson pollock kind of bad tho wher people are like.... omg.... revolutionary..... its a badly drawn vagina

fuckin loves astrology, but cant take it that seriously bcos one of her bfs was a gemini so there’s some lenience there. but she WILL blame her hormones and mood swings on the positon of mars

embodies pure sunshine. 

one of those really annoying people that can go through the most traumatic shit and still find a positive spin. 

cares so much for others but does not really care for herself n it’s meant she just bottles up all this shit n when someone asks her how her day has gone she just falls on the ground like tht bit in midsommar when florence does that loud wheezy noise and sits down 

has never really had much money at all. learns to make-do with what she has. loves upcycling!! her bookshelf is made from cardboard which she’s reinforced by pappering it over with pages ripped out of thrifted books. her sofa is an old car boot which she’s repainted, put on wheels and stuffed w cushions so that it’s actually bearable to sit on.

her knitted cardigan? its made out of wife material.

knits all the time. will crochet you a christmas scarf. if ur lucky you might get a knitted jumper with a penis in a santa hat

still sleeps with cuddly toys n then wonders why ppl dont think she’s mature enough for a serious relationship

very passionate about Sister Doing It For THemselves!! raised by a single mom who worked her ass off so that tessa could do fun activities after school, have lelli kelly shoes, and go to college (not necessarily in tht order of importance)

tessa was born out of wedlock as the result of an affair between her mom (a journalism intern in her early 20s) and a new york times editor. 

the editor offered to pay tessa’s mom off to have an abortion, but she was like fuck u and told the papers he’d done that and used the money to cover the cost of her internship which they refused to pay her for

and because of the scandal, he ended up going through a pretty messy divorce with his wife, and losing custody of his kids. so as a child  tessa was seen as the cause of a divorce and received mutliple letters from the editors wife (to tessa personally!) and his kids saying how she had ruined everything, but her mom moved them to another town so tessa didn’t have to deal with that crap. 

her mom worked 3 jobs to put her through school, so in return tessa pushes herself incredibly hard to succeed. needs a break and a hug and to get laid to be honest. 

an old soul. likes old films, old music, old people. only recently got an iphone 5s so not really with this century yet

very sweet and soft and kind but also a fucking mess and won’t listen to anyone else’s opinion. she’ll take comfort, but not advice. 

feminist buddhist bisexual vegetarian for human rights and animal welfare. standing on a soapbox shouting about the climate in the quad, shoving flyers into your hands. flyers everwhere. she turns up at your grandmas funeral and shoves one into her mouth. she’s stolen the mic from the vicar to talk about pandas.

says “mother of pearl” and “heavens to betsy”.

had an affair with her married piano teacher and he’s now facing a custody battle and his wife is leaving him and tessa has completely internalised that guilt despite her being the victim in the scenario

aesthetics: paint splattered jeans, loose curls spilling from a scrunchie, thrifted blouses in bright yellow, guzzling coffee in the library at three am when a term paper’s due, shoddily illustrated campaign posters to save endangered species, polaroids plastered to your bedroom walls with scribbled dates on the frames, jumping into a stack of autumn leaves, jumping off piers in the summer months and stripping off your wet clothes on the beach, digging your thumbs into peaches to leave a bruise, smoking with the extractor fan on to hide the smell, bath bombs, letting the girls at lush rub samples all over your skin, cacti with knitted bobble hats, decorative pillows and sun and moon blanket throws, basic bitch fairy lights hanging from every single window, painting the name of the boys you’ve loved inside your wardrobe door.

studies fine art and philosophy, and wants to become either a lecturer or the first woman president. vibe wise, very similar to leslie knope, missy from big mouth, and basically the naive everygirl with a high opinion of themselves trope

gets drunk off like one double vodka lemonade because she’s small and she’s a pretty messy wild drunk. it’s when slutty tessa comes out, and the next day she’ll thoroughly regret every choice made and decide she’s never drinking again and cutting out all men and starting daily sudoko

on the cheerleading team and is a flyer, which she sees as a HUGE responsibility and she works really hard to make sure she’s on it for her team. one of those get up at 7am and go to the gym before school types its sickening

she had a really traumatic time at high school because there was a shooting in her school. she was in the next classroom when it happened, and she lost one of her friends in the shooting. she had to take two months off school, was diagnosed with depression and put on anti-depressants because of it. in her 2nd year of uni she was rediagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety, which she’s now on medication for. she can be really good for several months at a time and feel super creative and determined (she actually finds manic periods helpful for her creativity n art, n sadly sometimes doesn’t take her meds in these periods to push herself more which is obvs super bad.....). but when the bad periods come they can also last months n she had to take a semester out of school last year because of her mood, so she should be a senior by now but she’s retaking junior year

she attends weekly stress-management sessions prescribed by her doctor which she finds pointless.

very childish in the sense that she can only see her own point of view and kind of views herself as the “protagonist” and thinks her ideas are super important and life changing and she IS Destined for Greatness! despite being pretty much average af

pinterest board.

STATS

age: 22

height: 5'2"

positive traits: kind-hearted, gregarious, selfless, philosophical, open minded, idealistic, courageous, feisty, charismatic, loyal, adventurous.

negative traits: stubborn, hot-headed, reticent, escapist, self-destructive, easily led, naive, troubled, complicated, stepford smiler, envious, overdramatic, explosive.

distinguishing Marks: heart-shaped birthmark on the right of her chest, splattering of freckles across the cheeks during summer months, full lips, large eyes, porcelain features, long wavy hair, tattoo of a bird and a cage on her ankles and a basic bitch arrow tat on her wrist (srry to anyone with an arrow tat).

skills: jack-of-all-trades, talented pianist, perceptive, knows the correct way to throw a punch, good survival instinct, is able to remain calm in stressful situations, endures, artistic, excels in academic studies, hard-working and self-motivated, expert liar and talented actress.

likes: wolves, vintage thrift store fashion, old leather-bound books, left-wing democratic politics, cigarettes, poetry, John Hughes movies, cold coffee, hot tea, the sound of laughter, staying up til 4am having deep conversations, Tchaikovsky, having deep conversations about life, stationary, DC Comics, horoscopes, winged eyeliner, cats, knee-high socks, house music, abandoned buildings, studio ghibli, the smell of the earth after rain, Wes Anderson films, herbal tea, old people, solitude, esoteric things, the smell of freshly baked bread, Charles Bukowski, the moon.

fears: death, oblivion, global warming, losing those she loves, isolation, clowns, guns, enclosed spaces.

nicknames: Tess, T-Dog, Tessie, Socrates, Princess, Sunshine Girl, Florence Nightingale.

alignment: Neutral Good

MBTI type: INFP

BIOGRAPHY

tw school shooting

Her story begins with Cordelia Costello, a twenty-three year old college drop-out, turned beautician, turned columnist, turned intern at a local publishing company. She was a youthful, beautiful, siren of a women, always surrounded by an aura of enigma and an entourage of men. It was no surprise to the gossips in the office that within six months working at the company, Cordelia had added to her list another title – mistress to Franklin Hozier, the Editor of the New York Times. After two blissful months and three hundred and twenty seven orgasms, Cordelia decided she wanted a baby. Franklin laughed in her face. Feeling isolated and used, Cordelia continued her affair with her boss’ boss for another month, before deciding to take matters into her own hands.

It started with a turkey baster.

Soon the infant cries of a baby girl graced the world, her wrinkled skin puckered and pink as her mother held her in her arms, glancing upon the most beautiful thing in her life. Once Tessa, named after Cordelia’s favourite literary heroine, entered the world, Franklin left her life and things took a turn for the better. Despite living in a rented one-bedroom apartment in Staten Island, on what little money Cordelia had saved, Tessa’s childhood years were filled with nothing but the happiest of memories. Times were tough, but what they lacked in money, the Costello’s made up in love. While Tessa was at school, Cordelia did odd jobs cleaning, child-minding, working in local nurseries, in order to save up enough money to give her daughter the best start in life.

Despite what she had been led to believe by television shows and teen movies, the first few years of High School were some of the best years of her life. Tessa threw herself into a multitude of activities that High School offered her, including the drama club, the orchestra, choir, badminton and the school newspaper. While she certainly wasn’t considered ‘popular’ at school, Tess had a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. In fact, High School was a place where she made some of the greatest memories of her life, but come her final year, it was also a place where she was haunted by some of her worst.

On the January 17th of Tessa’s senior year of high school, a shooting took place in Westville High School. For two hours Tessa locked herself in a supply cupboard, her head between her knees as she tried to stay silent despite the screams of horror from the corridor. Eighteen students were caught in the crossfire, two of which were Tessa’s best friends. Bouquets of flowers, laminated photographs, Teddy Bears in cling-film bags attached to balloons littered the streets as families and friends came to pay tribute to the eighteen students withered before they had a chance to bloom.

It took two months of therapy before Tessa could return to school. Some of the survivors could never return due to the horrors that their eyes had laid witness to. Sometimes Tessa felt like a part of her had died with the friends that were stolen from her too soon, but one thought kept her going through: she had survived, she was alive and breathing, and she could not afford to loose a second of the precious time she had been granted on this earth. Despite the nightmares that continued to haunt her each night, Tessa found in the aftermath of the disaster a new sense of motivation. She began applying for scholarships for colleges without her mother’s knowledge, in the hope that her academic success would be enough to carry her through further education. Thankfully, it was, and after three torturous months of waiting Tess was offered an arts scholarship to her dream school, Lockwood University, where she hoped she could finally start to rebuild her life.

THE PRESENT:

Life at university was like a separate world. Students came and went like moths among the whisperings and the tequila and the stars. In this new world, Tessa was exposed for the first time in her life to alcohol, drugs, and the sexual appetites of other students her age – though she politely declined all three. Instead, Tessa threw herself into the vast array of activities in the hope that by distracting herself she could escape the terrible flashbacks that continued to haunt her. Tessa joined the lacrosse team, despite never having played before, and took up cheerleading discovering a new talent; she joined the musical theatre group, and the film club, and even set up her own acapella singing society. But despite how much she tried to throw herself into student life, her past hung around her like a bad smell, and with the added pressure of the Sinking Ships zine, Tess began to feel the weight of her secret tying her down like a pair of shackles around her wrists.

PERSONALITY:

If someone was to describe Tessa in a single word, it would most likely be ‘bubbly’, ‘open-minded’ or ‘sweet’. But they would be wrong – Tessa is not bubbly, or sweet, or stubborn, or hotheaded, or fiesty, or infectious, or any of the things the world see her as, but merely a numb and lonely echo of the gregarious, halcyon girl she once was. Tessa Costello was one of life’s enigmas. No one knew who she was, for to each person she met she wore a different mask – she dripped confidence, or was painfully shy; she was an exhibitionist, or a brooding wallflower; she took things too seriously, or not seriously at all. She was an actress and the world was her stage, each person she met a different member of the audience in the performance of her life. In truth, Tessa no longer even recognised herself. Insecure, and self-destructive, she tried to hang on to the extroverted, mischievous pieces of herself that everyone had once loved, but day by day it got harder to know what lay in the vacant holes blown through her mind. While she was stubborn and hot-headed, Tessa always saw the best in people, which meant that she was easily led astray. While she had grown up learning to be street smart and astute, she was idealistic and allowed silly fantasies to cloud her mind. By nature, she was passionate, which lead her to misimagine and romanticise those she met. Despite the hell she had witnessed, and the anxiety that feasted upon her, she believed that people were innately good and that to have courage and be kind could cure anyone of their sadness – yet she was unable to cure herself.

TWITTER:

@500daysoftessa: i blame disney films and musicals for my high expectations of men

@500daysoftessa: i am in love with the boy who works at starbucks. today i asked for a double latte and he gave me a tripple, which i think is proof that my love is requited. our children will be smart and talented and beautiful.

@500daysoftessa: little known historical fact: pharaohs were burried with their hands crossed over their chests because it was a popular belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

[reifuleafu]

☆MEET-UP II STORY☆

//it's about how me and my internet friend meet-up irl//

sHSHS ITS BEEN MORE THAN 3 MONTHS SINCE THE FIRST MEETUP TAKES PLACE AND I WOULD NEVER THOUGHT WERE ABLE TO MEETUP AGAIN ON APRIL 11. BEFORE THE MEETUP JUST HAPPENED. IT WAS STARTED WHEN I POST A PIC OF A PLACE ON MY 2ND ACC AND SHE TOLD ME THT SHE ACTUALLY LIVES NEAR THT PLACE AND I WAS SUPRISED AND SHOCKED. THEN WE WERE BEGIN TO TALK ABOUT HOW WE MISSED OUR CHANCE MEETING IRL. THEN DAYS GONE BY TILL THE DAY OF OUR PROM, I ASKED HER WHEN IS THE DAY ULL HAVE UR PROM STARTED? THEN SHE TOLD ME THE SAME DATE IS OURS AND I WAS GLAD BOUT IT THEN SHE TOLD ME WHERE THEY WILL DO THEIR PROM AND IT TURNS OUT ITS JUST 30 MINS AWAY FROM US HSHWYWBS I WAS PLANNING TO GO THERE BUT SINCE WE HAVE THE SAME EVENT AS US BUT DIFFERENT PLACE, I DIDNT HAVE THE TIME TO GO. THEN REALIZING HOW BIT NEAR WE ARE, WE ARE BOUT TO PLANNING FOR THE ACTUAL MEET-UP NOT BY COINCIDENCE. SO WE PLANNED THE PLACE WHERE WE WILL MEET WHICH IS GOOD AND ALSO WE PLANNED WHT DATE WE WILL GO. EVERYTHING WAS ALREADY GOOD UNTIL EXCEPT ONE THING. BOTH OF OUR PARENTS DONT FEEL LIKE BOUT MEETING UPS. BCOS THEYRE KEEP TALKING BOUT CRIME AND STUFF, SECURITY AND ETC. WHICH IS THEYRE NOT ACTUALLY WRONG BUT THEYRE LITERALLY GENERALIZING IN, WHICH MAKES IT WRONG. SO BCOS OF IT, WE TALKED BOUT OUR PARENTS AND TRYING TO CONVINCE THEM IT DOESNT HAPPEN ALL THE TIMES AND THTS THE POINT WHERE WE ALMOST LOST OUT HOPE. UNTIL FINALLY I BROKE MY PARENT'S IDEOLOGY AND THEY SOMEHOW FINALLY AGREES AT OUR MEETUP AND WERE BOTH GLAD MY PARENTS AGREED, HOWEVER AT HER CASE, SHE HAVENT TOLD IT YET AND SHE WAS SCARED BOUT IT SO WE LITERALLY WISH THE BEST LUCKS AND PRAYED FOR IT COS BOTH OF US SCARED OF WHT WILL BE HER PARENTS DECISION. IT WAS 4 DAYS LEFT TO OUR PLANNED MEETUP AND SHE WILL FINALLY TALK TO HER PARENTS BOUT IT AND SHE TOLD ME TO WAIT FOR HER AND DURING THT TIME I WAS SO NERVOUS AND SCARED HOW HER PARENTS DECISIONS WILL TURN OUT.

IT WAS 43 MINS LONG AND MY ANXIETY IS BUILDING UP RAPIDLY AND I DONT KNOW WHT WILL HAPPEN THEN SHE CAME BK AND BEFORE SHE WILL SAY SOMETHIN, SHE ASK ME ONE THING BEFORE PROCEEDING THEN AFTER THT WE FINALLY DID IT, HER PARENTS FINALLY SAYS YES. WE FRIGGIN CRIED THT FINALLY WE MADE IT THROUGH AND MAKING THE MEETUP SO POSSIBLE NOW. WE CANT BELIEVE WHT ACTUALLY JUST HAPPENED X'DD NOW WE WERE PLANNING STUFFS TO DO ON OUR MEETUP BCOS OUR PARENTS ONLY GIVE US 3 HOURS INSTEAD OF 4 LIKE WE PROPOSED SO IT FEELS LIKE A VERY SHORT TIME FOR US BUT STILL WE WERE GLAD THAT WE WILL FINALLY MEETUP. NOW ITS 15 MINS LEFT TO OUR MEETUP, I ARRIVE SO LATE AND NOW SHE KEPT ASKING WHERE AM I, SO I KEPT SENDING PIC OF THE PLACE WHILE IM APPROACHING TO THE PLACE WHERE WE SHOULD MET THEN MY DATA IS GETTING WEAKER AND I CANT SEND THOSE PIC ANYMORE SO SHES KINDA BIT WORRIED WHERE I AM. THEN I WAS CLOSE TO PLACE, I FINALLY SAW HER BUT SHE LOOKS LIKE CONCENTRATED LOOKING AT THE FRONT WHERE SHE EXPECT ME TO GO THERE THEN I POPPED OUT AT HER BACK AND SHE WAS SUPRISED XDD SHE CANT BELIEVE IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED AND KEPT TELLING ME DONT GO AT THE BACK AND SCARE ME AND I TOLD HER SORRYY BOUT IT X'DD AND OML WE FINALLY MEET UP AND SHE TOLD ME THT IT WAS HER FIRST TIME TO EXPERIENCE A MEETUP WITH AN INTERNET FRIEND AND I CONGRATULATED HER FOR FIRST TIME. WE FIRST WENT TO STARBUCKS TO GET SOME MATCHA AND WHEN SHE FINALLY RECIEVE HER ORDER, THEY GOT HER NAME CORRECT AND MEANWHILE I WAS LOOKING MINE AND BURST LAUGH COS OF IT, THEY TRIED :">. THEN WE WENT TO THE TIMEZONE AND WE MOSTLY PLAYED SHOOTER GAMES AND MOST OF THE TIME WE SCREAMED AND GOOD THING THE EMPLOYEES DONT MIND IT X'DD WE SPEND MOST OF OUR TIME AT TIMEZONE THT WE ALMOST THE THINGS WE WANT TO DO BCOS WE ENJOYED TOO MUCH OF IT X'DD THEN WE WENT TO ESCAPE ROOM TO CHECK IF WERE STILL AVAILABLE TO PLAY IT WHICH IS SADLY WE DONT HAVE ENOUGH TIME FOR IT X"D AND WE WENT TO THE ART BAR AND LOOKED UP TO SOME GREAT STUFFS INSIDE AND WE WERE LIKE "DAMN WERE BROKE FOR THIS XDD" AND WE WENT WHERE THEY TEST THE PENS AND STUFF AND I WAS LIKE ASK HER IF LETS TRY TO DO A LIL COLLAB THERE AND SHE SAID "SURE WHY NOT" AND I WAS KEPT LOOKING AT SOME CASHIER JUST TO MAKE SURE SHE WONT CAUGHT US WHILE WE WERE DRAWING XDD AND WE WENT TO THE BOOKS AND STUFF AND IT WAS LIKE MY FIRST TIME TO GO THERE INSIDE AND WE LOOKED FOR SOME DAMN MANGA XDD AND I NEVER SAW A PHYSICAL MANGA YET AND I WAS DAMN AMAZED AND WE FINALLY FOUND TPN MANGA WHICH IS SO AWESOMEE X'D AND I WAS LIKE "IF WE ONLY HAVE ENOUGH MONEY WE WOULD TAKE ALL THT SHIT OUT XDD" AND FINALLY WE WENT TO THE ICE CREAM AND STUFF WHERE SHE ORDERED SOME SMOOTHIES I THINK AND I GOT A DIABETIC ICE CREAMM X'D AND THEN I TOLD HER IF SHE REMEMBERED THE BET THT I TOLD IN OUR CHAT, THEN SHE WAS LIKE "OH I REMEMBERED" THEN I QUICKLY HUGGED HER BEFORE SHE CAN DO IT XDD THEN I TOLD HER, I WON THE BET AND WE ALMOST FORGOT TO TAKE MORE PIC BECAUSE THERE WAS 5 MINS LEFT FOR US AND WE WERE LIKE "TAKE MORE PHOTOS WHILE WE STILL CAN XDD" THEN AFTER THT, WE FELT BIT SAD THT SOMEHOW MEETUP NEEDS TO END AND WE ALREADY RAN OUT OF TIME SO WE HUGGED AGAIN AND WE WERE WISHING THT WE CAN STILL MEETUP SOONER IN THE FUTURE, AT LEAST. EVEN THO IT FEELS LIKE A CLIFFHANGER FOR US, WE WERE STILL VERY HAPPY THT WE FINALLY MET AND IT WAS SO MEMORABLE BCOS THESE MEETUPS AND MY INTERNET FRIENDS HAVE SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART :">💕💕💕💕

[swyllh]

i spent a ridiculously long time agonizing over this, but 2 + minghao for the 100 ways to say i love you thing!

(2. “this reminded me of you.”)

premise: minghao can’t let go.

pairing: minghao x reader

genre: angst, textfic

tw: major character death, lots of swearing.

10 february 2018

minghao [1102]: hey

minghao [1102]: ITS YA BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

minghao [1102]: img1834.jpg

minghao [1104]: i set your phone to silent

minghao [1104]: this doesnt work when ur phone is ringign

minghao [1105]: haha

minghao [1105]: thats actually q funny wtf

minghao [1106]: like

minghao [1106]: lets pretend to talk to u like ur alive

minghao [1106]: while ur phone is ringing next to me

minghao [1107]: ………….

minghao [1110]: yeah i don’t kno wwhy im doing this

minghao [1111]: dr lee said i t would be good

minghao [1111]: oh 11111

minghao [1111]: 1111*

minghao [1111]: u used to wish on them

minghao [1112]: i thought it was so stupid

minghao [1112]: still think its sutpid 

minghao [1113]: man its so hard

minghao [1113]: m so used to u biting my head of f

minghao [1113]: i miss you

minghao [1115]: i miss you so much

minghao [2032]: k SO

minghao [2032]: i finally got to finidhign

minghao [2032]: all the fuckdifnf funrrrl 

minghao [2033]: moeny

minghao [2033]: haaaaaaaaaaaaahha

minghao [2033]: djd y inow funerla s cost soc much

minghao [2033]: 3000 %94_43?@589;@(p;%

minghao [2033]: ‘’’’’’’’

minghao [2034]: $7_*

minghao [2034]: $7__________________________*

11 february 2018

minghao [1422]: fuck

minghao [1422]: seems like drunk me couldnt turn back

minghao [1422]: the keyborad

minghao [1422]: keyboard*

minghao [1422]: lmao

minghao [1426]: this is actually fucking funny

minghao [1426]: but what i wanted to say was

minghao [1426]: cremations cost like 100000

minghao [1426]: ……………..

minghao [1426]: did i extra type

minghao [1427]: u dont even give shits about numbers

minghao [1427]: rmb that time

minghao [1427]: you like,, frget the decimal

minghao [1427]: we ended up donating like half our rent

minghao [1430]: about rent

minghao [1431]: do i sell this house now

minghao [1431]: i mean i like it

minghao [1431]: its close to the metro, theres two supermarkets, a library

minghao [1432]: but its also hell to get to work

minghao [1432]: mine not urs

minghao [1432]: ……..technially its not a house

minghao [1432]: god how do u still osund so bitchy after death

minghao [1443]: also moving out will mean moving your stuff too

minghao [1447]: idk i dont want to think about that

minghao [1820]: img1886.jpg 

minghao [1821]: the sunset today is so beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

minghao [1821]: fuck

minghao [1822]: img1887.jpg

minghao [1822]: img1888.jpg

minghao [1823]: img1889.jpg

minghao [1823]: which one

minghao [1823]: for insta

minghao [1824]: should i do a collage

minghao [2311]: 1111

12 february 2018

minghao [0608]: going out fr a run

minghao [1050]: ur mum wants to meet

minghao [1050]: think she wants to get ur stuff back

minghao [1111]: 1111

minghao [1111]: your mum says youre in heaven

minghao [1112]: she misses you a lot

minghao [1115]: ha fuck

minghao [1115]: next thing i know im gonna be waiting for you to text back

minghao [1251]: what do i say

minghao [1251]: screenshot_89.jpg

minghao [1251]: “sure!” ?

minghao [1252]: is it too morbid to add an exclamation mark

minghao [1252]: ???

minghao [1252]: sure.

minghao [1253]: the fullstop looks mean

minghao [1253]: ………………

minghao [1255]: god why cant she just

minghao [1255]: i said ‘sure’ w the fullstop

minghao [1255]: screenshot_90.jpg

minghao [1256]: what do i say now?????

minghao [1256]: why cant she get her own imaginary u

minghao [1256]: smh

13 february 2018

minghao [1637]: just got out of therapy

minghao [1637]: dr lee was talking abt the 5 stages of grief

minghao [1637]: kind of zoned out

minghao [1638]: was cool tho

minghao [1638]: youd like that psychology talk

minghao [1639]: can u imagine someone

minghao [1639]: a scientist

minghao [1639]: just going up to grieving people

minghao [1639]: like “hey can i know how ur feeling”

minghao [1639]: checking in every five days

minghao [1640]: or getting them to jorunal

minghao [1643]: kind of what i’m doing

minghao [1644]: but fuck if i let u become a memopad

minghao [1648]: anyway the bus is here

minghao [1648]: think ill sleep 

minghao [1946]: how the fuck

minghao [1946]: do u eat so much rice

minghao [1946]: i cooked exact as usual

minghao [1947]: img1890.jpg

minghao [1947]: r u fcuking kidding me

minghao [2313]: soz i missed

minghao [2313]: 1113?

minghao [2313]: at least its not 1112

minghao [2313]: 1113 is like a deliberate delay

minghao [2314]: a statement against the futility of numbers. freewill vs fate, control and determination. 

minghao [2314]: ok im sorry thts bullshit

minghao [2316]: i wont miss it again

14 february 2018

minghao [0028]: fuck

minghao [0028]: its valentines day

minghao [0028]: fucccccccccccck

minghao [0028]: everynes gonna be gross

minghao [0029]: ugh

minghao [0029]: like us

minghao [0029]: sto p soudnign so smug.

minghao [0812]: i still cant believe they skated to yoi 

minghao [0812]: what a time to be alive

minghao [0816]: ur probably so pissed that ur missing the olympics

minghao [0819]: i just checked, mens singles is on the 16th 

minghao [0819]: bet u chen rekts hanyu 

minghao [0820]: actually, no

minghao [0820]: youll cry if he does

minghao [0824]: god how many posters of hanyu do you have

minghao [0828]: youll cry if i take them down

minghao [0828]: p sure if u had any say

minghao [0828]: ud want them to paste it all over ur tomb

minghao [0829]: ………………

minghao [0830]: right now im really really hoping you dont hav some weird will that wants me to do that

minghao [0831]: ur so gross

minghao [0831]: ur room is so gross

minghao [1215]: i cant do this

minghao [1215]: ur room smells like you

minghao [1216]: fucking nivea extra fresh

minghao [1216]: cant believe im cryign over deoderent 

minghao [1217]: deodorant

minghao [1217]: even the word is gross

minghao [2311]: 1111 

minghao [2311]: i miss you. 

minghao [2312]: spent the day in your study

minghao [2312]: your mum is coming over on saturday so i packed a bit

minghao [2320]: ok i lied

minghao [2320]: i cried all over your things

minghao [2321]: how

minghao [2321]: how do you just keep crying

minghao [2321]: i should be dehydrated by nw

minghao [2322]: fuck

minghao [2322]: think im crying again

minghao [2322]: is it possible to die from crying so mcuh

minghao [2323]: i miss you

minghao [2323]: the bed is so cold

minghao [2326]: i miss you. so much. all the time.

15 february 2018

minghao [1128]: they’re going to terminate the contract on your phone

minghao [1128]: and then i wont be able to message you like this

minghao [1129]: i panicked and called dr lee

minghao [1129]: she said it was a good thing

minghao [1130]: fuck this

minghao [1130]: i know it isnt like ur gonna text back

minghao [1130]: but 

minghao [1131]: i hear your voice and it makes me safe

minghao [1131]: like youre here

minghao [1132]: fuck.

minghao [1516]: so i forgot to water your cactus

minghao [1516]: its dead

minghao [1516]: sorry

minghao [1517]: maybe oyull take better care of it now

minghao [1517]: actually

minghao [1517]: do plants go to heaven 

minghao [1518]: they can right

minghao [1518]: since they were once alive

minghao [1518]: lol

minghao [1520]: that means books cant

minghao [1520]: god it must be so boring up there

minghao [1522]: unless heaven has their own publishing company

minghao [1538]: or phone service

minghao [1540]: is that why you cant text me back

minghao [1540]: cos im texting the wrong number

minghao [1541]: i swear if u pull a new phone hoo dis

minghao [1542]: …. i cant even kill u

minghao [1542]: or its like overkill

minghao [1543]: jesus

minghao [1546]: youre always one step ahead of me huh

16 february 2018 

minghao [1741]: happy lunar new year

minghao [1741]: i went to your mum’s. we watched yuzuru hanyu.

minghao [1742]: ok FINE he won okay

minghao [1742]: nathan chen fucked up 

minghao [1742]: did u mess with him from above

minghao [1743]: thats not a fair win ok

minghao [1750]: your mum started crying in the middle of lunch.

minghao [1750]: she cooked all your favourite foods.

minghao [1751]: fuck you.

minghao [1803]: im sorry i dont mean that 

minghao [1803]: i love you

minghao [1804]: i love you

minghao [1804]: i lov eyou 

minghao [1804]: i love you 

minghao [2203]: ive been thinking

minghao [2204]: its getting hard to

minghao [2204]: talk to you 

minghao [2204]: at you, like this

minghao [2206]: im not

minghao [2206]: this sounds bad

minghao [2207]: it probably is 

minghao [2207]: every time. i do. its like.

minghao [2207]: i know youre not going to reply.

minghao [2208]: i knw youre dead

minghao [2213]: youre dead

minghao [2218]: but i miss you so much and it doesnt stop there and i still love you but your phone is still lighting up i still keep it charged and every time i try to talk about you its hard to not feel like im being ripped out from inside and i lov eyou still 

minghao [2224]: i dont want to forget you.

minghao [2248]: i dont want to wake up one day and not think of you and meet someone else and fall in love with them and throw all your things away and forget how you look like

minghao [2255]: i forgot wwhat you looked like this morning

minghao [2256]: i was looking at a photo of us

minghao [2256]: and for a moment i thought you looked strange

minghao [2257]: like, was your nose /that big

minghao [2257]: HAHAHAHAHA jk

minghao [2259]: i almost lost it. i wanted to break things and 

minghao [2302]: i dont want to say it

minghao [2311]: 1111

minghao [2312]: good night.

17 february 2018

minghao [1050]: your mum’s here

minghao [1050]: im so nervous haha wtf

minghao [2047]: the whole house is so empty wow

minghao [2047]: it’s so crazy 

minghao [2048]: but ur yuzuru posters left marks on the wall 

minghao [2048]: :p

minghao [2051]: its so weird 

minghao [2052]: its like youre not here

minghao [2055]: dr lee says its a step forward but i feel like somethings missing. and that things are going to fuck themselves up now.

minghao [2104]: its like i can hear everything now that all ur files and stuff are gone

minghao [2110]: this house is too big for me

minghao [2111]: shold i get a dog?

minghao [2111]: what if it dies

minghao [2111]: your plant died

minghao [2112]: bc i didnt water it

minghao [2114]: did you die because i didnt love you enough

minghao [2115]: the last thing we fought over was so stupid

minghao [2115]: it was about bills right

minghao [2117]: are you still pissed about that

minghao [2118]: im sorry.

18 february 2018

minghao [0233]: im unplugging your phone.

minghao [0234]: the contract’s expiring soon anyway.

minghao [0234]: so.

minghao [0240]: you’re at 76%. 

minghao [0240]: so this is kind of anticlimactic

minghao [0252]: i think ive spent too long holding you back

minghao [0252]: your mum gave me that look when she found out i was texting you.

minghao [0254]: im just scared. 

minghao [0255]: i dont want to forget what its like to love you

minghao [0301]: 49%

minghao [0510]: i had a nightmare

minghao [0511]: almost recharged your phone on auto

minghao [0512]: tired.

minghao [0512]: love you.

minghao [1110]: youre on 1%

minghao [1110]: i love you.

minghao [1110]: i love you.

drafts

[!] message undelivered - [1111]: i love you.