#cannot remember if i've posted this or just thought abt it a lot but i do keep a list in my head of gundam characters who'd thrive in fatt

[bronanlynch]

rewatching the palisade intro amv (for my agonies) and got absolutely emotionally kneecapped by all of the ibo clips that I had forgotten were in there which does mean it's feeling normal abt ibo o' clock. rip tekkadan you would've loved millennium break

[noahtally-famous]

stop it, kit, you cannot start another td fic nor even think of starting one. especially not a rewrite au, you already have so many of those, plus you gotta finish 'a guide to surviving the apocalypse' first, one thing at a time, kit, GODDAMMIT STOP IT-

[noxtivagus]

tyvm for the tag kat 🤍

night in the brume - ffxiv

bulbel - mili

amplify - ren zotto

existence - granblue fantasy

moonlight at midday - tsukuyomi

tagging ( only if you want! c: ) ; @astrxealis @yorimuse @sk2lton @/anyone consider yourself tagged if you see this, these r just the only users i remember rn bcs tumblr on my phone is glitching :<

✨when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool) 🎶✨

say amen

dont threaten me with a good time

death of a bachelor

riptide

sofia

tagging: everyone readng this

[memberment]

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE

So the Trinitarians brain worm is back and Morning Glory is now longer and biting the dust as far as my focus goes.

But like, I genuinely want to talk to anyone who's invested in what's to come as far as part two goes. SO PLEASE. I IMPLORE THE FOUR OF YOU WHO PERPETUALLY TAKE NOTICE OF MY SCREAMS INTO THE VOID.

We're all aware that Trin is a time loop fic. That is confirmed.

BUT THE PROBLEM IS HOW I'M GOING ABOUT DOING THAT. AND I NEED INPUT FROM PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT ME AS FAR AS PLEASES AND SPARKLES GO, YES?

Because like sure I'm writing it and like fuck everything else, let me tell my story. But it's the how of it all like if I'm gonna throw another 200 give or take hours into this I would at least like one person to be having a wonderful time drinking and driving (I have since remembered this is not a common phrase, I do not mean this in a literal sense, it's an expression) with me right?

Part two is going to be 50 chapters, give or take. (Part one is about 37 for reference.)

So the plan for part 2 rn is (ROGUHLY):

(1-10) is the second timeline. There are a lot of importants and I cannot just glaze over it all more than that. But we're also working in a bit of a shorter time period than the original events of the story and introductions do not need to happen again, right?

(11-40)ish would be me running through the next timelines in a set up structure -> what changes -> the results of said changes and then inevitably what sends our looper backwards. It wouldn't be running through all the timelines but the more notable ones in kind of a four chapter structure, I am not fully sold on four, but rough estimate yk.

And then 41-50 would be the finale of part two. It's literally the last timeline in its glory and then the epilogue which kicks off part three.

COULD AT LEAST ONE OF Y'ALL SIT THROUGH THAT OR DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY NOTES AT ALL BECAUSE LIKE

I personally kinda like it but if not a soul is reading this I am throwing myself on the curb with the rest of the garbage LMFAOOO.

I NEED THOUGHTS. OPINIONS. COMMENTS. CONCERNS. ANYTHING.

Anyways, I'm going to work. I have off tomorrow and I broke the ff investment seal for today so insanity and updates will be here tonight and homework will be tomorrow.

HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GOOD DAY <3

(9:30) I am literally falling asleep as I lazily write this angel based on Danse Macabre. Expect all of maybe one more update tonight if the tacos I am abt to receive don't wake me up LMFAO.

Also, I am almost saddened by not having something to post tm. Anyone want an early chapter of something that isn't Genesis/Desolation bc they're both on Monday?????? (I am feeling like a menace rn)

(10:19) tacos and the absolute yap session I just had did wake me up a bit. MAAAYBE might write some more. Idk I slept like three hours last night and went to work I'm kinda dead. But we're at 98.2k!!!!!!🥳

(11:06) okay we made it to 99.6k everything besides the flashback for 31 is done. I'm about to relax and watch something and figure out mechanics of some of this because god this series is A BEAST. Like, I still have six planned chapters left.

Pure insanity. I love it here. I hate it here.

Holy shit wait I just came to the realization that I started this fic exactly one month ago. I have belted out 99.6k for THIS FIC ALONE. (Moreso if we're including future shit that hasn't happened yet)

IN ONE MONTH.

THAT IS FUCKING CRAZY WHAT HTE FUCK LMFAOOOO

I may or may not be cooking we’ll find out in 6-26 business hours

(5:28) So I just had a very interesting past few business hours. I read a fic I've been waiting ever so patiently to finish. That's cool, right. I go for a walk at 4 in the morning because I'm insane. Fantastic. I get home at five and I'm like ohhhh well what do I do now it's not sleep time yet. Oh write I'm supposed to be drawing.

Nope I reread the epilogue of morning glory and realized Tweek's first address is for my morning glory and Craig's last sign off is your morning glory and now I'm ready to throw myself on the curb with the garbage as I sob. Someone call a trusted adult for me thanks.

[auriidae]

saw ur tags, please share your list of desert duo coded saint motel songs (if youre willing, if not ignore me lol) 👀

anon i am ALWAYS willing to share my ideas abt desertduo thank u for asking!! i have many thoughts so this is going to be v disjointed but here u go

(i actually made up a whole desertduo-centric au based entirely on the vibes of the songs in the original motion picture soundtrack a whiile ago o_o so almost all the songs from that album are linked with them in my mind,,,, but i won't go into that now haha. here's the list !)

first of all. old soul is the original desertduo song to me. "cause the more i get to know you / well the more i feel i knew you / in a lifetime a long time ago" but it's a post-3l au where everyone forgets except as the winners grian and scar start to remember.... (also i'm a mild watcher grian enjoyer so "i've seen heaven in the moonlight / blow it out / yeah, turn around" has a very clear mental image of, yknow, eyes in the moon and stuff. yeag)

also, make me feel like. there was a whole thing about scar and milkshakes and french fries in earlier hermitcraft that became like cemented in my mind as integral to his character for some reason so the first time i heard the "dipping your shake with the french fries" line the whole song became about him. "it started out like it always ends" oughhh that's such a line. 'there is no other end to this story' and all that. also "there's only so much that my heart can take / i get so close and then i hesitate / i don't want to die alone" and "don't let me down / give the run around / yeah you'll be my ticket to heaven" this is such a soulmate-coded song DO I NEED TO SAY ANYTHING MORE

SLOW DANCE AS WELL. i was listening to it the first time like "hey this is kind of them based just off the vibes" and then it went "i could be your best friend, i could be your centerpiece, i could be your soulmate, i could be your everything" and i lost my mind entirely. i'm not a purely romantic desertduo enjoyer so take that lyrical aspect of the song with a grain of salt but dude ough

a good song never dies is like very scar-coded in my mind it just has his vibes. i've never read the lyrics through but it puts me in mind of some charismatic charlatan and yeah that's him

bullet's "you don't stop a bullet that you set into motion / you don't stop a fire when you light an explosion / so then why are we fighting, already ignited / counting down, down, down, down" they are sooo self-destructive and this song's got that going for it so

and last but not least la2ny!!!!! "trying to get back / back to the place that we were / pure and dangerous / always just us versus the world" <that is literally. that is So double-life-desertduo-remembering-and-regretting-after-third-life core. "i had the damnedest day / you don't hear what i say / your head's up in the clouds" (soulbound to the man in the clouds by gideon anyone?). also "feel the distance, miles apart / in our beds" <me when i'm soulbound to this guy who i used to be closest to more than anyone else in the world but cannot understand why he's emotionally closed off for the life of me. this might be the most them-coded song here actually,, the rest are fun for vibes but this one's got the lyrics on point.

anyways saint motel's songs are the MOST FUN TO MAKE UP STORIES TO EVER and i love their stuff a lot. thank you very much for giving me an excuse to ramble about this ^-^//

[minquiec]

songs that I've convinced myself are abt jipunk

Cause I'm utterly mental and I need more content abt them for myself so like I'm gonna list out all the songs I have abt them with specific lyrics that especially tickle that certain part of my brain heehehhaahahahhh

Some remind me more than others so I'm gonna put a 🍊 next to it

might update this as I go yauayyayayy

seasons - wave to earth 🍊

this is THE song for them

- 'If I could be by your side, I'll give you all my life, my seasons'

- 'I can't be your love, because I'm afraid I'll ruin your life'

i wanna be yours - artic monkeys 🍊

tbh this is just my fav song of all time

- 'secrets I have held in my heart are harder to hide then I thought'

london boy - taylor swift 🍊

c'mon yalls self explanatory KAKAK

- 'you know I love a london boy, I enjoy walking camden market in the afternoon'

yellow - coldplay 🍊

I caNNOT believe I forgot about this song until like recently and I heard it and I was like 🤯

- 'I came along, I wrote a song for you and all the things you do'

- 'and you know, for you, I'd bleed myself dry'

- 'cause you were all yellow'

[remember how I said in my other post how if jia was a colour she'd be yellow yEAAH THE STARS R ALIGNING]

mine - taylor swift 🍊

there's. quite a lot of taylor swift in my playlist HAHS this leans more to modern au but it can still apply generally

- 'do you remember we were sitting there by the water? you put your arm around me for the first time'

- 'you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter, you are the best thing that's ever been mine' [HEAVY ON THIS LYRIC]

sparks fly - taylor swift

yes taylor again

- 'you're the kinda reckless that should send me running, but I kinda know that I won't get far'

paper rings - taylor swift

yes YES TAYLOR THE THIRD ONE IN A ROW THE THIRD WEEK IN A ROWW

- 'I hate accidents, except for when we went from friends to this'

I miss you - soyou 🍊

THIS SONG cause it reminds me more of the in every lifetime thing they have going on

[transl lyrics from good old google search]

- 'did you go round and round to come to me? this love is unavoidable'

- 'even if I'm born many times, wherever you hide, I'll find you'

- 'let's never separate again, beside me, don't go away'

daisy - wave to earth

- 'my daisy, it's my happiness to run into you'

can you see my heart - heize

there's not rlly a specific lyric this song just makes me sad HAHSHA

pasilyo - sunkissed lola

ik this is more of a wedding song and they wouldn't rlly get yk MARRIED but STILL I LOVE THIS SONG SO SHH

kisame - rhodessa

very jia pov based

[transl lyrics from google]

- 'but why are you so far away? can I be yours?'

lover - YES TAYLOR SWIFT AGAIN LEAVE ME BEEE 🍊

- 'have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?'

- 'can I go where you go? Can we always be this close, forever and ever'

binibini - zack tabudlo

also habang buhay I love that song too

boyfriend - ariana grande

THIS MOSTLY APPLIES TO HIGHSCHOOL AU BUT IG IT WORKS FOR ATSV TOO?

- 'you ain't my boyfriend, I ain't your girlfriend but you don't want me to see nobody else, I don't want you to see nobody else'

- 'damn, baby, I'm a train wreck too, I lose my mind when it comes to you, I don't want a smile if it ain't from you'

- 'cause I know we be so complicated, loving you sometimes drives me crazy'

in your time - lee suhyun 🍊

I LOVE this song it's so sad and angsty but anyways this song is mostly for like,, the sadder aus like jade coin or grim swallow

[transl lyrics from google]

- 'after meeting you once again, I'm find the pieces of you that have been erased'

- 'I'm holding onto you, I'm still living in your time'

- 'I'm afraid you're still waiting for me'

here I am - jo hyun ah

same gist as in your time, sad songs -> sadder aus

[transl lyrics from google]

- 'I'm lost looking for you'

- 'here I am, always in the same place'

- 'still I am, waiting for you'

katawaredoki - radwimps

LITERALLY AN INSTRUMENTAL ANYWAYS

summertime sadness - lana del ray 🍊

this song literally makes me so sad for no reason but this is mostly abt uhh jade coin au

- 'kiss me hard before you go'

- 'I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight'

- 'think I'll miss you forever, like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky'

stay with me - chanyeol, punch 🍊

SO obsessed w this song

[transl lyrics from google]

- 'my heart’s beating it goes, when I look at you so close, I’m finding it hard to breathe, even when you’re not around'

- 'my heart was heading towards you'

- 'feels like I’ve loved you from a long time ago'

- 'the other half of my being'

daylight - david kushner

for grim reaper and swallow au *throws up blood and tears*

- 'oh I love it and I hate it at the same time, hiding our sins from the daylight'

paruparo - sugarcane 🍊

THIIIS SONNNGGG props to oomf for introducing and translating LITERALLY THE WHOLE SONG I literally can't get this song out of my head rn

[transl lyrics from aech1gwen on tiktok]

- 'you are my past, present and future'

[I'd copy and paste the entire lyrics if I could but for technical reasons I'll just put this one cause AAYGEGGGAGGQ 💔💔💔]

kumpas - moira dela torre 🍊🍊🍊

I haven't even known this song for half a day and im already gonna cry over it recommended by the same person who transl'd paruparo for me :))) godsend fr (I'm literally about to cry)

[transl lyrics from aech1gwen sent thru DMS ueue)

- 'I didn't think you would arrive suddenly without warning'

- 'you are my compass when I'm lost'

- 'even if you aren't aware you have saved me many times now'

[HEAVY ON THIS ONE AUGEHGEH]

- 'in an instant, I had changed. I can't bear to be away from you'

- 'you are my first and last'

[IM LITERALLY GOIGN TO CRY AUDINFHCHEB ID POST THE WHOLE SONG IF I COULD BUT YK]

timeless - taylor swift 🍊

this song is so good

- 'The kind of love you only find once in a lifetime'

- 'and somehow I know you and I would've found each other'

- 'in another life you still would've turned my head'

- 'so even in a different life, you still would've been mine'

- 'story of a romance torn apart by fate'

- 'hundreds of years ago, they fell in love like we did'

- 'and I'd die for you in the same way'

桃花诺 - G.E.M

non eng love songs are so 😢💔😨🤧🙏😭❓❓🕯️💥🚶🏌️💥🥲

cupid's chokehold/breakfast in america - gym class heroes

THIS SONG IS CUTE IDK the song just loves the gf sm and it's so ☹️☹️💔

- I mean she even cooks me pancakes and alka seltzers when my tummy aches' THIS LYRIC IS SO CJTE TO ME IDK WHY

- we even got a secret handshake and she loves the music that my band makes'

- 'if I had to choose her or the sun, I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun'

- 'i can tell by the way she says my name'

- 'but I know as soon as I get home, and I take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor, she'll be back in my arms for sure'

[THE WHOLE SONG TBH ITS SO AJSJJS ☹️☹️☹️]

the night we met - lord huron

Holy shit this song hurts me

- 'i had all and then most of you, some and now none of you'

- 'i don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you'

stars burn out - cykim

Pls go listen to this

OKAY I think that's all for now unless I missed some which I probably have cause of my big age 🏌️

[hyuckswoman]

hey my love, i'm sorry that you feel like that but i've been an avid reader of your smau and the way you created yn somewhere did make me realise what you must have gone through to make her so likable, so perfect, i get where you are coming from, i know i'm just a faceless message to you but please don't ever call yourself ugly, i haven't seen you and probably never will, but i sure do believe that you are beautiful, you are full of so many wonders c'mon, do you think it goes unnoticed? like your cute little editing that you did on those pictures or how that spidey drawing looked so perfect, moreover how you have crafted such a beautiful story, if i say looks aren't everything it's gonna sound ridiculous but trust me one this one when i say that you're an accumulation of everything pretty, appreciate yourself more honey, don't let a singular man make you feel like that and it's not even the dude? it's your brain that's making me you believe that you aren't capable of pulling a man and let's say the worst case scenario that you can't pull that one man you are attracted to, do you think that would be a measure of how beautiful you are? no not at all, this is about to sound corny asf but you need to love yourself enough that no matter what the external circumstances come down to be, your self worth is not hindered, and trust me this is coming from a place of healing, you are beautiful and loved, believe that, much love <3

yap incoming‼️‼️‼️

i felt like waiting abit because i truly wanted to answer this ask in the best way ever bc it made me cry and i wanted to convey how appreciative i was through my answer

first of all thank you so much for your kind words!! your ask fully made me cry i love youuu

i didn’t make that post to get so many compliments and i didn’t expect to be faced with such kind people i really just wanted to rant lol

thank you for taking the tome to not only interact with me n my thoughts but to say such kind words they truly mean a lot!! as someone who has had very low self esteem her whole life, being good enough was never something i thought about because i knew i wasn’t and was fine with it but sometimes i get a reminder of all those things i think abt myself and it makes me sooooo emotional loll

like i’ve nvr been in a relationship and cannot picture being in a relationship bc i genuinely deem myself as really unlikeable. and it’s not just looks like i constantly doubt myself and let people walk all over me and let myself be treated this way bc i truly truly think that’s what i deserve

thank you for your kind words again and trust i will do my best to listen to them and hopefully agree with them one day‼️‼️ thank you for taking the time to reassure me and just so you know i’m not going to remember you as faceless but as someone who’s nothing bug kind and only deserves good things!! also i feel like people don’t really notice the small things just do except if i point them out so thank you again for the reassurance!! i hope that you had a lovely day!! i truly truly truly appreciate you and your kind words thank you!!

[kisiselintihar]

UUNMMMMMM uuuuuhhhhhhhhh Saihara . OR. raskolnikov. OR. idk. ranpo

you can't possibly expect me to be normal at the mention of saihara shuichi himself (_ _ ;)

My first impression

i'm gonna be fr the only thing i knew abt drv3 before playing it was the kokichi hate so the first time i saw him was. in the game. regrettably (bc i didn't get to form an opinion based off of the fandom but that might've been for the best. come to think of it) anyway i vividly remember tweeting a picture of him (during ch1. with the hat and all) captioned w something like "i want you" . so i think that explains it🚶

My impression now

I'm not as ill about him as i was before (mostly bc my dr hyperfix died and got replaced with chscr <\3) but he does things to me occasionally still. i guess it's fairly similar to my impression of him at the start? i mean obviously as the game progressed he changed in ways big or small but nothing much changed for me specifically. aside from not expecting the hyperfixation post introduction i kind of knew i would like him lots.. i've always liked detective characters i fear and his personality Not being a stuck up arrogant little shit as usually seen in popular detective media (coughs ******** ****** and his variants) surprised me but it did intrigue me further. anyway. tldr i fw him heavily

Favorite thing about that character

ohhh hm. i can't really choose but i think i would have to say his voice/VA (← gay ass thing to say) or his personality (← even gayer thing to say) joke answer: eyelashes 🤤

Least favorite thing

can i say nothing. like to be completely honest i don't. dislike anything about him? Aside from if kodaka wrote anything dogshit abt him (like the Imagery of kokichi's costume and whatnot. bc i genuinely cannot remember rn) there isn't anything probably orz

Favorite line/scene

CHAPTER SIX TRIAL i actually didn't play that far. i got spoiled halfway through ch3 and the disease got me etc BUT THE TRIAL ^_^ also the ch4 kokichi thing. smiles

Favorite interaction that character has with another

oughgh.. i really like this scene it lowkey made me cry 👍

also. yeah. mistranslation or not it's stuck in my brain forever srry

A character that I wish that character would interact with more

RYOMA!!!!!!!!!!! there's. not actually a deep thought behind this i just think they should be friends. also ryoma makes me ill. <\3 (if you thought i was gonna say kokichi, WRONG! they interacted enough. even more and i will kill myself on national television)

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

. now if i say xiao from gnshn i think you will actually find me and kill me in my sleep so i'm not saying him (but i am also not Not saying him. srry) sunny omori maybe. or charles eyler helchar. TRANSGENDERISM fire font among. other things.

A headcanon about that character

gayyyyy 🫵 in all seriousness i cannot see him liking men or women depending on yuor gender hc (i know you fw transfem shuichi i agree with that. i also agree w tmasc shuichi so my point is i don't rlly think he's bi. lesbianism be upon ye idiot)

A song that reminds me of that character

:^) this one

An unpopular opinion about that character

ummm okay i think. i see all that stuff abt him loving coffee and. like okaaaay Sure he'll drink it to stay awake & whatever but i don't think he actually enjoys the taste of it. he's more of a tea person to me☝️obviously he doesn't have a sweet tooth but i don't think he's gonna enjoy six black coffees at fuckass o'clock in the morning ☠️ also i don't think he would be alt. both his music taste and clothing style he's just Not i fear

Favorite picture

you get two! bcoz of Reasons

[cuddleswinchester]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

thank you for the tag @remyfire - if any of my writer friends want to play too, please feel free, i am shy abt tagging people but ily all

How many works do you have on Ao3?

116

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

1,045,864

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, MASH. Though I did do a short LotR piece at the beginning of this year.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Oh they're all older ones. The top two are Data/Geordi fics! Then a Kirk/Spock/McCoy, A Garak/Bashir, and an IT Crowd poly fic.

5. Do you respond to comments?

If I understand them (I think I get bot ones sometimes bc they don't make sense). I figure I can never go wrong with thanking someone for their time reading.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

If this means 'saddest' then it's certainly Hearts On Paper which I found fascinating to write and will still re-read when I need a good cry.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think most of my fics end happily or at least optimistically? I love ending with a big party or wedding or something like that. I have several that way.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not in many years. And to be fair I was like 12 and did not know how to spell, but I do remember some of those unkind comments still yeah :(

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Sometimes. I used to write kink and then had a breakdown over it (I am still proud of what I wrote it just was not a sustainable thing for my OCD, is all) but now I write what I would describe as Fussy Sex. Literally the more compromising and special considerations made from one partner to another makes me so happy. Or solo sex acts, I have enjoyed writing those this year and that's new for me.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't think I've ever written one. I get very stuck in the rules of whatever universe I'm working in and it's hard for me to follow two sets of rules at once.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, I have, and was greatly honored! It was an older smut fic, quite dark themes, and a reader approached me and asked if they could translate it into Russian and I thought that was so amazingly cool. I'll go find the link if anyone is curious.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Most recently, The Famous 4077 Dog Tag Party :) we picked pairings randomly and each did a chapter.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I cannot possibly pick just one. Every ship that appeals to me does so at a different time and for a different reason, and the journey they take me on is always emotional and much appreciated in hindsight. My little fictional couples or their families are my family.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oughhh presently I'm not sure if I have the right approach to finish Dull Instruments which is a shame because I really want to and I hate to start posting things I won't finish. But it feels awkward to me so I may not do it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I like my character voices.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I try to give each piece its own style on a sliding scale of casual-formal but I wish I had more variety in like POV and stuff. Branching out into present tense this year has been nice.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I do write dialogue in American Sign Language sometimes. Because I am fluent in it. If I'm not fluent in a language I won't write a lot of it, maybe a few words here and there for the POV character to try and pick up, assuming they understand as little of it as I do.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Truly can't remember if High School Musical or 24 was first. The range, I know.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I don't know if I could choose! Sorry to give a lot of boring wishywashy answers but like. Whatever I'm writing is important to me at the moment I'm writing me, it's helping me get through something that may or may not be clear in the themes, and I am grateful to all of the stories I've written for letting me spend time with them. I've been working on some kind of fic almost daily for going on 15 years now, it's how I experience emotions and all the things in the world I'll never be able to do firsthand. It's how I have conversations I'm too shy to otherwise, it's how I see old friends, it's how I learn more about topics I never did in school. Fic is so dear to me, every word.

[cassyapper]

pls share abt ur ocs <3 i remember the sister who was looking for her brother, and ur jjba oc percy f. lloyd. do u have other ones?

YAY yes ok. so i meant mostly the sister looking for her brother story so i'll talk aobut that here but if anyone wants to hear about my absolute loser jojo oc percy f lloyd (always say his full name or he'll kill you), send me a message and i'll make a post <3 he is in part 6 and serves as a general annoyance. he's not even a stand user. ANYWAY

so yes the sister and brother story. for those not in the know this girl ai (wip name) is looking for her brother after they get separated when their village was raided during war. ai's mom basically grabbed her and ran cause she wasn't gonna risk losing her only other kid (she is not a believer in best of both worlds) and ai never forgives her for it. when ai gets old enough she enlists in the army to use it as means of looking for her brother. her story picks up from there

ai has a big attitude and a short temper. even before everything she probably has some sort of mood disorder but the general trauma of her life did not help it at all so she's very unruly and short. as such even though she's been in the army for a long time she doesnt have a very high rnaking cause she just cannot do what she is told. it doesnt help that she has no allegiance to the military or national cause at all cause she doesn't actually care baout that, she's just looking for her brother. frankly the only reason she isn't kicked is cause she does do well in battle (she's a good swordswoman) and her commanding officer is a bit of a bleeding heart and wants to help her (ai will not let him)

anyway so ai goes on this whole journey. she meets a girl named arha that she gets homosexual with and she gets a little buddy named adalia that she is forced to mentor (adalia is the one forcing her). ai has a hard time focusing on them (and her commanding officer who frankly at one point quits the army in order to help her cause. well im still figuring it out but yknow) past the desire to find her brother. she refuses to believe he's dead

and like he's not dead! and she does find him! but he never looked for her. he had been saved by some dragons and was living with them and learning magic. while he knew ai and their mom weren't dead, he knew it wasn't likely he'd ever go back to human society (he was kinda traumatized by the raid and also the dragons are nice so) and so he just, moved on. this absolutely fucking crushes ai cause she ruined all the life she's lived thus far to find him and he didn't even...care if she did. her brother isn't a bad guy btw it's just. he was so young when the raid happened and he again never thought he'd see them again so. he's glad to have her now but it is admittedly awkward especially with how shattered ai is

so ai tries to figure out what comes after a) finding her goal and b) that goal not resulting in what she thought it would. her brother does join her and probably the war that was going on will be wrapped up by them but im still figuring that part out. ai accepts arha and adalia and her commander (and probably others but those are just the three i've conceived of so far) into her heart and she learns to move on, too. after which her and her brother's relationship improves in leaps and bounds. and while she never quite forgives her mom she's able to form a relationship with her after it all. but yeah

anyway i know i spoiled a lot of the beats of the story with this but! that's the basic gist. lol

this is ai btw (this is an outdated design but the foundations are here)

[dropespeon]

talk more abt music u like, we want to hear more !!!

AWWHGHG THIS IS SO NICE THANK YOU OTL

if it's not already very apparent the dear hunter is my favorite band. something about their music just itches my brain. the lyrics .. the Sound of it ... my taste in music can best be described as 'music that makes me feel some sort of indefinable emotion' and i feel like dear hunter achieves that best? if you like being punched directly in the gut i Cannot recommend dear hunter enough they're just . so good. i can't even choose a favorite song they're all good

recently i've also been listening to a lot of moron police and the reign of kindo!! no clue about the latter but for the former my favorite is definitely parachutes. it has just got such a pleasant sound to it and the subject matter is SO fascinating agh i love it a lot.

I have ... So many bands i could bring up there's like 1800 songs in my likes orz i like music a normal amount. but that would be a very long post so instead i will just try to remember to post when i have something to say (<- nearly the entire reason i rarely make text posts is because i straight up just. Forget i can share my thoughts whenever i want)

[faux-ee]

I posted 3,543 times in 2022

That's 2,736 more posts than 2021!

737 posts created (21%)

2,806 posts reblogged (79%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@kyouka-supremacy

@colourofthekites

@grishaverse-chaos

@chenechen

@akhlys-san

I tagged 1,669 of my posts in 2022

#fyolai - 51 posts

#dabihawks - 50 posts

#bsd - 33 posts

#bungo stray dogs - 19 posts

#personal - 18 posts

#spotify - 17 posts

#asks &lt;3 - 16 posts

#bkdk - 14 posts

#soukoku - 13 posts

#sskk - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#it was so unfeeling and repetitive and like. sir. i can’t relate to ur experiences and u aren’t doing a very good job making me care abt it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

bungo stray dogs is a piece of media thats so filled with tumblr energy. Its like a collective mass hallucination of famous author fanfiction with just the right amount of derangedness, mental illness, generational trauma and existential crisis. Each and every character gives major gender envy. Everything is enemies to lovers to enemies to freinds to lovers to enemies. Everything the characters do is high-key illegal and everyone agrees that old guys in the government r useless except for this one triple spy who's sleep deprived to a fault. There is a guy who is chronically online and absolutely cannot leave his futon. There's another guy who could write novels in days and is more attached to a racoon than the rest of the world. bram stoker listens to spotify. bsd is the true tumblr-esque media.

Edit: and as it often appears bsd characters become each other's blorbos. They wanna hug each other they wanna see them going through the undying pain of human existence they spin them around in a mental microwave or smth

Edit edit: also tumblrinas love literary analysis and bsd is full of literary motifs

420 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

#4

ranpoe actually foils fyolai bcs when poe had his mind set on killing ranpo he had a moment of realization that he wouldn't know how to live in a world w/o him, and several chapters after he became besties w/ ranpo, but nikolai already knows that fyodor is his intimate friend, there will never be another person like fyodor for him, yet still decided to kill him, bcs he "wants freedom more than any kind of joy"

434 notes - Posted June 29, 2022

#3

Kacchan is the only thing Izuku allows himself to have

and it's why Izuku’s always vague when it came to the intensity of his feelings about Kacchan & why Katsuki at first instinctively pushed Izuku away. 

idk if anyone has done this before, but anyways here's my fav aspect abt BakuDeku's relationship: Izuku's possessiveness over Kacchan and Kacchan only.

So I've been thinking abt Kamino a lot, and specifically two scenes: a) Izuku shouting "Give him back to me!" to Mr. Compress, and b) Izuku's devastated scream after Bakugo was taken away.

Izuku is an extremely selfless person, with only the heart for "saving people". That was part of the reason why he was almost immune to Katsuki's bad attitude towards him: dude doesn't think about himself a whole lot, alright. He's just kind of out of it. An observer. He wants to focus on his own feelings much less than he cares about others.

When have you seen Izuku do something for himself? Sure, he wanted to become a hero, he wrote 13 notebooks' worth of hero analyses. But this may as well only be an exertion of his obsession abt quirks & strategies, because despite all the talk about his dream, he never actually thought to exercise and improve his body strength before he got the OFA.

Here's an idea: Izuku doesn't know how to do things for himself, unless given a larger purpose. He takes little care of his own ambition before taking the world's weight onto his shoulders.

And he is subconsciously avoiding any selfish thinking, especially any private feelings he has about Kacchan, platonic or otherwise. 

He doesn't know what has triggered the blackwhip; can't remember what Kacchan told him before almost sacrificing himself to save him; doesn't remember whatever made him go berserk in battle. He acted like none of this emotional turmoil he experienced happened at all and went back to being this people-saving, smiling sunshine every. single. time. Even after Kamino, his first thought was Kouta, except that after Todoroki mentioned Katsuki, the light returned to his eyes and he finally broke down. 

Izuku actively avoids thinking about anything that causes strong emotions to erupt in him, yes, but more importantly, even when he is recounting these experiences to others, he omits whatever part that concerns Kacchan (i.e. when he told his classmates “I couldn’t save what was in front of me” - right, but Izuku, why are you describing Kacchan as if he is just anyone else instead of the person you have looked up to for all your life?)

He doesn’t allow himself to be selfish, to be partial, to treat Kacchan as somone special even when that’s what he does (notice how he’s always going like “Kacchan and the others”). 

Let’s look at what he said to Mr. Compress again: “Give him back to me!”

Didn’t he almost sound like a child who was robbed of his favorite toy? 

Why would he feel such possessiveness over Kacchan, though? 

Kacchan is Izuku’s Symbol of Victory, right? Izuku follows him, admires him, idolizes him (”closer to me than All Might, this amazing person in my life”). Here it is: Kacchan has been somewhat of an idol to Izuku, the incarnation of victory. 

Kacchan was part of Izuku’s definition of heroism; and heroism, to Izuku, is almost like a religious belief. He draws strength from it, uses it to cope with the pain of being quirkless, and admires All Might as one might do any deity. 

I’m going to go a little further here: when one prays to whatever deity one believes in, one is often praying to this concept inside one’s head, and taking what one needs from this private connection. Similarly, Izuku feels possessive over Kacchan because the latter to him is something of a god-like character, from the attachment to whom Izuku draws his desire to win. To Izuku, Kacchan is not just the Symbol of Victory. It’s his Symbol of Victory. 

Katsuki is his. His sun, his god, his drive to win. 

Izuku, who is so selfless that he rarely wants things for himself, doesn’t want to acknowledge that he can, in fact, be a little selfish when it comes to Kacchan. 

Meanwhile, as Mr. Compress had stated, Bakugo doesn't belong to anybody. And with such a big ego Bakugo would hate to be anything but independent. Something about Izuku made him want to keep his childhood friend at arm's length; he felt as if Izuku was stronger than him, looking down on him - and where does he get this feeling? Because Izuku offered to help him once at four? Stood up to him a couple of times?

There is another dimension to it, I think: it was also because Izuku had always followed him. And Katsuki, being the kind to always over-think, could mistake Izuku's possessiveness for Izuku seeing himself above him.

If an independent person ever finds himself on the receiving end of such possessiveness, he would feel chained, scared, and pissed off. Don't come, Deku, I don't want anything to do with you because the way you stick with me as if I belong to you, it almost chains me down. 

Thanks for bearing with my shipping brainrot xD

445 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

#2

B-B-Boyfriend? Like a guy who your body moved on its own for when he was in danger? Who you've grown up with? Activated a whole new quirk for?

550 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

being invested in bsd is such a unique experience bcs u watch the anime and think oh theres mafia and detectives and terrorists this shit's so hardcore and then u open bsd wan and they r kindergarteners and magical girls and princesses and ur just like. look at my cute little uwus <3 and then u read the manga and was hit with like three different schools of philosophical thoughts and suddenly become interested in classical novels with rlly deep themes and start to develop an existential crisis. its like yeah i watched an anime abt super powers and it all went downhill from there lol

993 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[lagomorphics]

hi majora! your art is really cute, and I hope you don't mind if I ask about your process? I'm new to art and yours is an inspiration! I wanted to ask how you learned? and your process, because you seem to draw near daily! also any tips you might have for me? thank you!

HI ANON!!! ur very sweet thank u so much WAHH <33!!! idm being asked abt that at all!!

in terms of how i learnt; i've kinda always been drawing for as long as i can remember? been posting art online since around 2013-ish so i got a big big catalogue of stuff to look back on

but learning in specifics of like, how i learned to shade n draw bodies etc etc. i studied! theres a lot of resources out there that'll break down a lot of the 'basics', i dont have any i can name off the top of my head except for morpho; whole bunch of books about body types and anatomy.

im not really good at providing tips for how to learn (bad memory </3) but studying, drawing things over and over (i do with reference and then without, and try to draw in different angles/perspectives) is very useful!

ALSO VERY IMPORTANT: literally do not worry at all if what you draw the first time around looks wonky or "ugly". being negative towards yourself about your art only serves to stunt ur growth!! shakes you (and anyone reading this) by the shoulders. it can be very easy to slip into hating your art and not enjoying anything ur drawing. this is me telling u to try and draw something youve never drawn before. experiment. it may not look perfect or even "good" but it will refresh ur brain!!!!!

MY PROCESS...... oh man i really have been drawing pretty much daily huh? i do draw every day but its been a hot minute since ive been doing finished pieces haha

but basically what i do is; start with a few warm-up doodles! just anything to get me in the groove

then over the course of the day i slowly chip away at whatever pieces im working on (lined stuff will usually take me a few hours, rendered stuff takes a day or a few....)

i cannot really assist in like "so how do you draw?" because i honestly just go Lights Off Its Drawin Time! but i always do a rough sketch of an idea i have, refine the sketch, refine that sketch, and then if its rendered i'll make a palette for myself somewhere, but if its lined i'll start on the lineart and then fiddle around with colours.

i draw for fun, so if i dont like how somethings turning out, i'll stop drawing it. no use frustrating myself over a piece to the point of hating it!!

(this ones just forfun and just for me) i keep a small little doc full of notes about my own pieces! i like analysing stuff, and also enjoy talking about why i draw something in a specific way, so this is just a nice little thing for me to have fun with. also helps me avoid potentially slipping into "hate this. bad" mindset bc im specifically noting things that i Liked (i do obviously have a bit of chatter like "hmm i think i couldve drawn this better, i should keep that in mind" but its only when its helping myself. the jora does not talk bad about its art)

aaand then i do some cool-downs to get any last little doodles outta my head so i can relax in bed

in terms of tips? do stretches, walk around, TAKE BREAKS! draw at your own pace, and also Have Fun With It. experiment with different colours, limited palettes, different styles!

seriously though do make sure you take breaks and stretch im lookin you in the eye okay?

I HOPE THIS MADE SENSE AND IS HELPFUL IN A WAY i ramble. far too much. and im not the best at articulating my thoughts!! but i hope u have lots of fun drawing very cool stuff <333

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary62

11/12-13/2023

sunday - monday

single is out now, wow.

my mom texted me a bit ago, just because, which is nice. in other news i finally put out the single i've been sitting on/trying to get right, and i got it right today, by adding a tiny bit to the left channel, and remixing the b side, which was very easy, now that i'm used to that process. like i said in the main post, the cover art had to be messed w/ to get it right for various platforms, the png was too big and all that stuff. when i make the next cover it needs to be at 3000x3000, which bites kind of, i like how much you can do w/ 5000x5000.

anyway, here is the image as it is as a jpg (actually png):

and there is the song, is it even possible to link to playlists on tumblr? also i can't even put anything abt this on instagram, how weird and annoying.

okay i got the insta thing to work (they too cannot handle the 5kx5k image and instead wanted it to be 50% the size (but they would not tell me that!!)). i wonder what i'm gonna do tomorrow, with music or cooking or anything really. i wanted to get this out because i want people to hear this if they come to me from that interview i did (lol), so they get a better idea of where i'm at musically i guess. this isn't really super representative of the whole record still though, but i like that. it's different angles on roughly the same kind of sound(s)/idea(s). i really like the ugly feedback stuff i added today.

all the weird hiccups i ran into today w/ cover art was really baffling, it's not like anyone is gonna notice this stuff really but i don't really like how it looks at 50% size because it makes some of the pixellations weird (i overuse dithering/indexed images in a weird way where they overlap and create new patterns (i hope)) this whole process fucking with the things i do, sort of. i don't think it's absent entirely it's just different/more disordered. if i focus on 3k x 3k and a pretty precise colorspace (that i need to figure out) then i think i'll be good. what i'm thinking of is doing 2 different 16 color palettes for 2 different sides of the collage / different pieces. so certain things can pop, i guess. anyways i guess sometime soon i should assemble the things i want to use for the cover art, and create at least the one thing i am certain on wanting for it (pink and black bull's eye thingy).

also i was able to get the image on sc to just be the jpg of the real cover, which is kind of crazy to me, but whatever.

regarding my life as i live it, nothing really happened, my gf dyed her hair blonde, which is funny, it's already blonde. she's been doing this a while but it makes me wonder, i guess, about how she likes it more blonde, more than natural. it looks good on her, it's just funny how i thought it was pretty bright normally, but apparently not bright enough, i wonder if it corresponds to how she imagines herself, i remember the first time, it was very crazy to her, it felt/looked perfect on her, it was sort of like she was meant to be that cartoonishly blonde, in like a 1970s anime kind of way.

and now i am just sat here eating pretzels to stave of cravings for sweets (trying to keep my mouth occupied i guess (i do that a lot)).

anyway i am tired, i ought to just turn in soon, soon:

byebye!!!!!!!

[rollercoasterwords]

fancasts + the prettification of queerness

hello tumblr this is gonna be another essay that nobody asked for but this post got me thinking thoughts and my go-to person to rant to is my aroace sister who literally cannot understand or relate to what i'm talking abt when i get into this stuff so. here i am <3 i'll put it under a cut tho

ANYWAY as i've gotten deeper and deeper into the marauders fandom over the past year i have of course seen hundreds of tiktok edits + pictures + artwork + discourse about fancasts/faceclaims and the ways different people picture the marauders. and this is not me trying to put anyone on blast or make any kind of moral judgment about the way other people visualize these characters; i honestly don't really care much how somebody else pictures a fictional character. BUT i have felt an odd sort of disconnect from the way i see many people imagining these characters, and i wanted to talk about why + where i think that might come from -- i'm gonna focus specifically on the girls here, because i'm a lesbian and this is just where i notice it most.

essentially, the disconnect that i have with most of the visual portrayals of these characters is just...they are all pretty. they are all so palatably pretty. they are all so pretty in the same way; they are almost always skinny, and long-haired, and pixie-faced and feminine and boring. like jesus christ, they are all pretty and it is so fucking boring.

and i think this is just a topic i've been thinking about more and more lately, but like...being queer does not automatically undo the years and years of socialization when it comes to cishet beauty standards. like we are all taught to think of beauty in strict standards that are deeply rooted in white supremacy, in classism, in cisness, in heterosexuality. and it creates this beauty standard that is so cookie-cutter and just demands the replication of the same features over and over again and...idk. it's just been making me reflect a lot on my own experience with queer attraction + desire.

like, growing up and undergoing this intense cishet socialization when it came to beauty standards alienated me in many ways from like...a genuine understanding of my own attraction. because i never experienced attraction the way i was told i was supposed to, and so when i tried to be attracted to things i was supposed to be attracted to, it just felt very plastic. it felt like i was watching myself as a spectator, thinking, would this look good in a video? would this look good in a picture? would this look good on a screen? and thinking that's what i was supposed to be attracted to.

and then once i began to embrace my queerness, there was still a lonnnnnngggg process of slowly, slowly unpicking those beauty standards (which i continue to do today; it's not a process that ever really ends). and so when i first started embracing attraction to women, specifically, it was still very much rooted in these cishet beauty standards. it was still centered around what was "conventional." and it was still disconnected from what was actually attractive to me.

the more comfortable i've gotten with my own queerness, the more i've reconnected with my own queer desire + my own queer experiences with attraction, the more alienated i've felt from the way that so many people around me discuss and think about attraction. like...there is just so much about conventional beauty standards that isn't fucking attractive. and it's like. idk. it's just weird!! it's weird to find things attractive when so many people around me think those things are weird or gross or icky.

like, ok. here's an example, right? orange is the new black. it was super popular while i was in high school, and i remember the craze surrounding ruby rose when they were cast. like everyone was going on and on about how attractive this person was. and it was no big deal to be like "omg yes ruby rose" bc in many ways they fit conventional beauty standards. like obviously they were gnc, obviously they were kinda butch, but they were still white, and skinny, and just...pretty, y'know?

now, big boo? completely different story. another butch lesbian, right, but people very much treated her character as like...ugly gross dyke. for general audiences, it was unfathomable that someone like big boo would actually, genuinely, be seen as attractive. because she was fat. and she wasn't pretty. and she didn't check enough of the conventional beauty standard boxes to make her palatable to straight audiences.

and this is something that i feel like happens so often with lesbians, specifically. it's all palatable and fine as long as the women are conventionally attractive, but people will react with such visceral disgust the second that these strict beauty standards aren't met. and i mean visceral disgust. people hate ugly lesbians in a way that is rarely questioned, because it's easy to laugh at the stereotype of the fat ugly dyke. and i just...idk. it makes me feel like i'm living on another planet sometimes. because fat ugly dykes are literally some of the sexiest people alive to me, so...???

anyway, i didn't really set out with this to make a point or come to a conclusion; i just wanted to ramble and write out my thoughts. but...yeah. i think this is just a little bit of a disconnect that i have with much of the marauders fandom in the ways that we visualize characters. because for me, my involvement in this space is centered very much around connecting with queerness + celebrating queer desire + attraction. and so...idk. i'm sick of pretty people i guess lol. and it's not like this is anyone's fault, but i do think it would be cool to see a bit more conversation around the ways that conventional beauty standards are so often rooted in systems of oppression, and also are so often removed from like...actual attraction.

in conclusion: i love ugly dykes!! i love fat dykes and hairy dykes and butch dykes and gnc dykes and i would love to see them celebrated more bc unpicking ingrained cishet beauty standards is so beautiful and so freeing and...yeah. i love attraction that falls outside the boundaries of cishet understanding <3

[d3nt4l-d4m4g3]

hey i don’t know if you’re the right person to ask and don’t feel pressured to answer this, but i’m kind of at a loss for what to do. i have one friend (R, on T for 6 years) who has had severe medical deterioration since transition, including a lot of the things you’ve made posts about plus complications from a hysterectomy. i have another friend (P, socially transitioned) who’s starting T soon. i wish i could send P some of your posts or even talk to them abt the people i know with health complications from medical transition, but he’s made it very clear that any questioning of his identity means that our friendship is basically over, and he’s so important to me that i can’t risk it. do you have, like, any advice at all? or even commiseration at this point, bc i have no one i can talk to about this irl and it feels suffocating sometimes. anyway, hope you’re doing well, and thanks for your work!!

Hi there friend. I'm afraid you're in a tough situation. I've been on both sides so I know: it's pretty much impossible to talk a trans person out of transitioning. Remember, they believe they will literally die (or kill themselves) if they don't transition and if you don't want them to transition, you want them dead. You can explain the medical effects to a person all day, but their reasons for transitioning have nothing to do with facts like "your uterus is rotting out of your body". Their reasons for transitioning are religious, ideological, and unfortunately illogical.

If you really value P's friendship and don't want to lose her, you know it is not wise to tell her how you feel. The only thing you can do is let her know that you care about her—you want to make her feel like, if she ever have doubts, she can turn to you. Trans ideology works a little like a cult, and trans people sometimes have their whole support networks made up of other trans people. So the thought of detransition triggers the thought of "if I leave the community, I will lose everything." That's why you need to make sure that P knows that in the event of a lapse in belief, they will not lose you. (<-found in this article by NYT, good read, check it out.)

That said, it really hurts to be around someone who you feel like is slowly poisoning/killing themselves in front of you. Making the decision to harm themselves every day of every week of every month of every year. It fucking sucks. Watching someone close to you transform on hormones feels like falling from a tower feeling your stomach drop, feeling the ground hurtle towards you, for months on end. If even being around this person may be triggering to you, there is nothing at all wrong with distancing yourself from P. Trans is like a cult, but also like an addiction. You can tell an alcoholic how she's destroying her liver, or a smoker she's shriveling her lungs, but she won't listen; it makes her feel good. What's the big deal? it gives her a sense of self and a place to be.

And you know what? That place that addicts occupy is a selfish one. P will not trust you over her trans journey. P will not think of your (or other women's) feelings or perspectives if they contradict trans ones. And you don't have to stick around for that.

You cannot save the addict from herself, you just can't. You can be patient and hopeful, and wait for her return to you, or you can turn your back and free yourself. Ultimately it doesn't matter which, because P is the only one who can save herself. Before she saves herself she may need to hit a rock bottom. The suffering might need to mount before she can ask herself if her identity is worth such pain. and it might take a too-long time. Sounds like your friend R is suffering 6 years in, but hasn't hit a breaking point yet. Not enough to stop. And sometimes, awful as it is, there's no guarantee that she will.

Keep talking please.