#cannot believe i missed this soo many times

[arachnaesghost]

I just realized that the marine that Captain Kuro kept alive was none other than Axe hand Morgan. And that's why he's got the whole metal jaw situation, because Kuro broke it.

[lxkeee]

BEGGING FOR A LUCIFER X FEM!READER SMUT ABT HIM EATING READER OUT AFTER SEEING HIM DO THAT GESTURE AT THE LAST EP PLSSSS 🛐🛐🛐🛐 would do anything for that man omfg I'D KILL FOR HIM TO CALL ME GOOD GIRL

genre: plot with some smut ig

warnings: cunnilingus, oral (fem receiving), soft dom! Lucifer, thigh marking, praising (both receiving), pet names (love, darling, sweetheart), whiney Lucifer.

notes: I don't do porn without plot so yes... There's a little bit of plot to this 💀 it is quite long as they're not having sex but making love soo you better bet he's going to take his time with herr... This one is hella long btw.

additional notes: banners are made by cafekitsune, reader wears gloves and I can't explain what kind but the kind Child/tartaglia wears from genshin impact. Also, I don't know if this will be good as it's been a long time since I've written smut 💀

tags: @adaizel @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @thedarkitten (I can't tag you </3) @brithedemonspawn @dinawss @froggybich

“Good luck kiddo.” Lucifer said to his daughter before eventually slowly teleporting away from the hotel and back to the palace. His body manifested on the arm chair that's in his room and his shoulders sagged a bit. A heavy sigh left his lips.

“She grew up so fast but I still can't help but get worried...” he muttered underneath his breath as his eyes gazed upon the hanged picture frame of Charlie. Removing his hat from his head and placed in ton the table then his eyes slowly gazed into the framed picture that was on the table it was him and his new lover, [y/n]. He gave himself a second chance at love and he met [y/n], the only sinner that he actually likes being around with. Despite her mysterious yet charming personality, [y/n] is a nice woman, very patient and understanding. Although, there are moments his heart would yearn for his ex-wife, Lilith during his relationship with [y/n] but surprisingly [y/n] herself is very understanding, she understands that he cannot immediately and completely erase a love that lasted for so many years and with that, he is grateful for [y/n] and with that he always reassure her that he loves her and is happy with her. Though, right now, he is completely missing her as she's currently away for a week due to her status as an overlord. Despite [y/n] being an overlord, she didn't become one because of cruelty but many sinners would want to work under her as she treats her souls with care, providing a roof under their head, food, medicine, and protection as long as they follow her orders. [Y/n] didn't really specify how long she'll be gone as there are important matters to deal with but she promised that it won't take two weeks. She reassures him and vice versa.

“Oh [y/n], I've missed you.” Lucifer says to himself, shaking his head with a small toothy grin on his face that shows off his perfectly white sharp teeth. The circles of his cheeks turning a darker shade of red as he thinks about her. He sighs longingly as he squeezes a rubber duck that looks like her, the small rubber toy making a loud 'squeak' sound.

He didn't realize it as the arm chair was facing the opposite direction of his door, he didn't notice the said woman arrived awhile ago and decided to surprise him and opened the door without any sound. [Y/n] grins as she watches the man she loves plays with his rubber duck, her body leaning against the doorframe and her arms crossed over her chest.

“[y/n] come back soon, I need your insights on whether my decision of allowing Charlie a meeting with heaven was a great idea.” Lucifer whines to himself as he talks to the rubber duck version of [y/n].

This caught the woman's attention, [y/n] has met Charlie and she absolutely loved the girl. She heard that Charlie's opening a hotel that redeems sinners, she saw it on the TV and she honestly found it funny how she fought the TV host. She supports her cause but [y/n] thinks she wouldn't be joining it, not because she doesn't believe it will work but she doesn't want to leave Lucifer alone.

[y/n] let out a silent sigh as she continues to listen to her lover ramble to the rubber duck version of her, “If only you could see how motivated she is, love. I couldn't say no and I am afraid they'll crush her dreams like they crushed mine.” he says softly, his voice dull as he recalled what happened to him when he had so much hope and dreams for his people.

“I am sure Charlie would be fine, she's an amazing kid and she has an amazing father who will support her.” [y/n] says with a small smile, finally announcing her arrival. Lucifer slightly jumped from his seat from hearing her voice, turning around quickly to see his beloved leaning against the doorframe with her arms over her chest, the black suit she was wearing hugged her figure perfectly, the red tie adding a pop of color to her outfit. She looked gorgeous, she always does.

His eyes widened before a smile finally found its way back to his gorgeous face, “[y/n]! You're back!” he exclaimed, jumping out of his seat and quickly running towards her. [Y/n] chuckles as she moves away from the door, spreading her arms open for a hug—only for Lucifer to hug her and dip her, the action causing her to place her hands behind his neck for support and his actions caught her off guard when he finally kisses her.

The lovers stayed in that position, Lucifer supporting her weight as he held her waist while in the dipping position. Her hands behind his neck, playing with his light blond locks, causing the man to groan against her lips. Sharp teeth occasionally clash as they kiss, two weeks apart made them yearn for each other.

Lucifer's lips slowly moved away from her lips making [y/n] whine softly as he began to kiss the side of her lips, her jawline, and then her neck. Wet sounds of his kisses fills the room, along with [y/n]'s whimpers as she felt the devil himself began to mark her flawless neck with his hickies. Lucifer gave her a smirk before placing a gentle kiss on the newly made mark he just made on her neck.

“Welcome back, love.” he says softly, looking down at her flushed features. Admiring her as he held her in a dipping position. [Y/n] chuckles softly, her cheeks warm and red after the passionate kiss, “Oh, Lucifer... You always know how to make me swoon.” she mutters and he laughs, his laugh is like a gentle breeze that calms you down, so soft. His cheeks are turning a light shade of pink, “Well, it's a natural thing I can do when it comes to you.” he says with a chuckle before eventually helping her stand properly, making her chuckle softly.

“Aren't you romantic today?” [y/n] says with a small laugh escaping her lips, he could listen to her laugh all day and not get tired of hearing it. Lucifer smirked before softly holding her hand, bowing to place a gentle kiss on her knuckle, “I just missed you, that's all. I haven't seen you for almost two weeks.” he says before the hand that was holding her hand slowly glides across her arm, reaching her chest by her tie and then gently tugging her tie downwards so he could reach her face, “And we have a lot of catching up to do, my love.” he says with a smirk, making [y/n] blush slightly at the action and from the tone of his voice, “Indeed we do...” she replied with a suggestive tone and eventually closed her eyes as Lucifer presses his lips against hers, tugging her tie to lower her more and turn the kiss deeper. [Y/n] chuckles against the kiss, parting away from him for a few moments as a smirk finds its way to her lips, “My... Someone's eager...” [y/n] says teasingly making Lucifer blush slightly and pouted, “Don't blame me, I have truly and deeply missed you.” he says before slowly intertwining his hand with hers, pulling her towards his bed and [y/n] complied with a smirk, deciding not to tease him further. She wants him and he wants her. It's been so long since they've last touched each other. They needed this.

Lucifer gently pushed her down into his bed, [y/n] landing on the soft mattress on her back with a soft 'thud.' Lucifer followed soon after, climbing on top of her, his hand caressing her jawline while his other hand supporting his body weight. They stared at each other, eyes dilated and filled with love and adoration for each other. [Y/n] shudders a little as she feels the soft material of his gloves against her skin, her eyes looking up at him, admiring his beautiful features—the red aesthetic of his room making his light blond hair and pale skin pop, complimenting his beautiful ruby colored eyes, sharp jawline, pearly white sharp teeth, so angelic yet sinful, “You are so beautiful...” she murmurs softly and she swore his eyes dilated more before his hand moved back to her tie and gently tugged her upwards so their lips pressed against one another once more.

Mouths moved against each other, soft whimpers leaving their lips as they tried to match the other's pace. Lucifer groans softly as he feels her fingers combed through his slicked back hair, making it messy but he doesn't mind. He can taste the cherry flavor of her lipstick as he kisses her, the taste of her making his mind swirl, “Fuck... I can't get enough of you...” he groans softly as he gently bites her lower lip, asking for permission in which she obliges, parting her lips slightly to allow him to slip his tongue inside.

[y/n] moans softly, fueling his passion for her. Sharp teeth clash against each other as they lose themselves in the moment. [Y/n]'s hand slowly found its way to his, intertwining her hand with his own. Lucifer squeezes her hand as he continues to kiss her, savoring the sensation of her lips against his and his tongue exploring her mouth.

Her other hand is exploring his body, caressing his chest through his suit, making him shudder slightly. Lucifer's kisses once more moved away from her lips, moving downwards from her jawline to her neck, placing a gentle kiss on the previous hickey he made awhile ago before gently pulling her arm that had her hand that he was squeezing, bringing her hand to his lips and gently bit the end of her gloves with his teeth to pull her glove down. [Y/n] gulped from the action, her body heating up from how attractive he is. Fuck... Why is he so hot?

“You're such a tease...” she mutters softly with a pout making him laugh as he holds her other arm and does the same thing to her other glove, biting it down to remove it before throwing the gloves somewhere out of the bed, “But you love it, don't you?” he asked teasingly with a smirk and she sighs softly with a smile, “I do, I really do.”

“You better say those exact words to me one day but that time, it better be when I'm kneeling down in one knee.” he says teasingly making the girl blush and groan softly and nodded, “that's my girl... Now, how about we take these off as it is in the way hmm?” he asked as his finger traced her chest, running across her suit, a silent question for her consent and she nodded.

Lucifer began to loosen her tie, throwing the red fabric across the room before he began to unbutton her top. Revealing her lacy black bra underneath, fitting her breasts perfectly. Ah fuck, she's so gorgeous...

Removing the black fabric off her figure, finally showing off her torso. [Y/n] did the same to his suit, helping her remove his clothes as he could feel the heat of his skin beginning to heat up more.

Slowly and surely, one by one their clothes were removed. Leaving them naked for each other's eyes. Both Lucifer and [y/n] had to avoid each other's eyes as they felt shy, it has been awhile since they've done something so intimate.

[y/n] slowly moved her eyes back on him, admiring Lucifer's bare figure—hair messy, cheeks red, eyes shy and avoiding, beautifully handsome face and body—clearly sculpted by God. She allowed her hand to graze at his arm up to his jawline, holding his chin gently and then slowly tilt his head back so he's now once more looking at her.

Lucifer's breath hitched as his eyes finally landed on her, [y/n] looked so beautiful—her hair sprawled behind her, her [h/c] complimenting her gorgeous face, half-lidded [e/c] eyes and dilated pupils looking at him with so much need and adoration, plump lips that he oh so wanted to desperately kiss all the time, her body most especially... He just wants to leave kisses all over it.

“You're so beautiful, I can't believe you're mine.” Lucifer whispers softly with his cheeks flushed while he was above her, his arms supporting his weight. [Y/n] blushed and chuckled, “You tell me that everyday, love.” [y/n] says with a small smile and Lucifer can only chuckle, “It's because I want to,” he says with a small smile, pausing a bit, “I want to remind you everyday, that my love and adoration for you will never change and I am grateful that I've met you.” he says softly, his voice gentle and vulnerable as he expresses his love for her, his hand caressing her cheek. [Y/n]'s blush turned into a deeper shade of red as she listened to his confession, a small and flustered smile on her face as she intertwined her hand with his once more, “With that, I am eternally grateful that you chose me, for loving me and with that I would love you till the end of time.” she says softly, Lucifer can only smile—the same dorky smile you always loved seeing on his face.

Lucifer leans down so he can kiss her again, [y/n] instinctively snaking her as arms behind his neck—pulling him deeper into the kiss. Their kiss was needy, fiery, passionate yet gentle, soft moans and whimpers escaping past their lips. I love you's being muttered occasionally between them and against each other's soft lips. Occasionally, Lucifer would let out a small whine as [y/n] began to stroke his cock while they were kissing, his whines were music to her ears, “Y-yes... That feels amazing...” he whimpered softly against her lips, his hips thrusting against her hand for more friction. She could feel how hard he is for her, she can feel the veins running from base to the tip, she can feel the precum staining her hands.

Lucifer's kisses once more slowly went down—to her jawline, neck, collarbone and finally on her chest. He looked up at her, his eyes needy and dark with desire and love for her before he finally took one nipple into his mouth, suckling and swirling his long tongue around the sensitive nub while his other hand played with her other breast.

Whimpers and whines left [y/n]'s lips as her hand moves away from his cock and squeezes the pillows, Lucifer really knows how to pleasure her, her other hand running through his hair and massaging his scalp while he moves to her other breast.

“Luci... Mhmm... That feels so good...” she softly moans out and Lucifer feels a sense of pride from hearing that, his mouth continues to suckle on her left breast before eventually releasing it with a small 'pop.'

Lucifer's eyes went back to gaze on her face—disheveled, flustered, and cute.

“So utterly beautiful...” he murmured before moving his body downwards as he finally reached her legs, “Spread your legs for me, love.” he asked with a small teasing smirk, enjoying the flustered look on her face. [Y/n] obediently followed and shyly spreads her legs for him, avoiding his gaze.

Lucifer smirked as [y/n] spread her legs for him, his eyes turning into slits as he saw how turned on she was and how much she needed him, “Good girl.” he praises, his voice teasing, “Only for you.” [y/n] replies with a smirk of her own.

“You better be...” Lucifer says with a chuckle as he begins to kiss her thighs, leaving hickies while his hands squeeze the softness of her flesh, his lips slowly going up and dangerously near her womanhood. Looking up at her, his eyes were soft but filled with want, “May I?” he asked and [y/n] looked at him shyly and nodded.

Lucifer's smile widens before he eventually allows his head to dip into her most intimate part. His mouth began to suckle on pussy, moans escaping both of their lips.

Lucifer felt hungry and he can only satisfy this hunger with her. He suckled greedily like a man dying of thirst. His tongue lapped along her folds, circling her clit that invokes loud moans from her. He misses this, he misses her so much.

[y/n]'s eyes rolled back and her back arching from the pleasure, toes curling, whimpers escaping her lips. She can feel the texture of his tongue against her most intimate part, a gasp left her lips as she felt him slip a finger inside, his long and slender finger thrusting in and out while his mouth worked wonders along with it.

“So utterly wet and so good for me, sweetheart,” Lucifer praises as he continues to eat her out before finally adding a second finger inside her, he could feel how easily his fingers slide in and out—a perfect manifestation of how much she wants him, he enjoys how she can no longer form coherent words aside from moans she let out. He is incredibly hard but this isn't about him but this is about her pleasure, she always comes first after all.

“You are so good to me... I love you...” [y/n] whimpered softly making him chuckle, “I love you too, darling.” he murmurs with a small smile, his tongue flicking through her hidden areas of her intimate area while his fingers continue to thrust in and out. Skins heating up from the passion.

Lucifer can tell whenever she's close, from the obvious sign of how her toes curl, how high pitched her moans are becoming, how hard she is gripping his hair and how far her eyes rolled back at the back of her head.

“Is my love gonna cum?” he asked teasingly making his girl whimper, “Yes...!” she replied and he chuckled as he increased the pace of his fingers and tongue, “Be a good girl for me and cum for me, [y/n]” Lucifer says and that was enough for the knot in her stomach to break, “I'm gonna cu—” her voice was cut off as she let out a loud whine.

Lucifer greedily lapped at her essence, like a nectar from the gods that he cannot get enough of. Small whimpers leaving [y/n]'s lips as she felt so sensitive.

He eventually removed his lips from her intimate area and along with his fingers, he looked up at her disheveled, breathless and flushed but beautiful face. Lucifer smiled, “Are you okay...?” he asked, his voice was gentle and worried and [y/n] nodded, “More than okay, my love.” she replied with a small smile, “We can stop here if you want? I don't want to force you or anything...” he says and [y/n] shakes her head, their love was both giving and receiving afterall, “I can still go on and besides, I know you need help with that.” she says with a smirk as her eyes landed on his painfully erect cock that was begging for her and he blushed, “Now, be a good boy and let me take care of you this time.”

[lovebvni]

holaaa!! (dr rant + just an appreciation post)

(TW SLIGHT HINT TO GROOMING)

soo i’m shifting soon and i decided that im going to make my first album when i get there (LIKE START JT, DUDE. START IT. IM SO EXCITED) there’s going to b an ep i’m going to finalize when i get there and it will be released on the 26th of the month i get there (as it is kinda a diss on a MAN who was 26 when we dated… i was a minor still.)

i’m also gonna make a family tree because i’m really bored (and i also kinda js wanna see all my siblings yk? im gonna draw them all soon bc like AUGH AJAJDKDJ I MISS THEM!!!)

omgz i’m so excited dude!!

(appreciation below!!)

also i saw billie eilish in my dream last night. one of the funniest and sweetest people i know 😭 SHARK WAS ALSO IN THAT DREAM HES SO SWEET ‼️‼️ god i wish i could hug them today, just right now. yall don’t understand how much billie and finneas have been through together, and im so proud of how far they made it. i love you both, and although you won’t see this post in this reality, i know you will when we r together :DDD u guys make me so happy, so inspired, and just a better person overall. also huge thank you to billie in helping me with directing my music videos and being featured in one of my favorite songs — ripple effect. thank you finneas for just 😭 for keeping her alive, giving her a passion, and being so protective and supportive of her.

i’m so excited to b friends w both of them n js talk to them daily — it’s so fun.

i’m also super duper excited to meet one of my closest friends — nile — in person finally!!!! it’s been like 3 years of shifting together, and i know she’s excited too. i know she’s reading this, btw so i love u sm nile and thank u for being such a great and perfect friend throughout this whole journey. i truly don’t think i would still be kicking without you. i owe you the world, and i know you’re going to be blessed with many MANY things in the coming months, and the years following will be some of your best, but that’s only a taste of what is truly to come.

i’m so proud of you, and i’m also so round of everyone that has been clinging onto shifting even though it hurts. i’m always here for you. i love you all so so much. i want the best for you, and i know you’re going to get it. i’m always here to help in ANY way i can. ask me anything, i promise you i will answer with the wisdom God and the universe has given me!!

i cannot express my gratitude to my father, loki, enough. i don’t know how to even put it into words. he’s been there at my hardest, he’s been there at my best. i don’t think i would actually even be this far without him either. he’s one of the silliest and sweetest people ive ever met. i can’t believe he’s my FATHER you guys!! ITS SO COOL AUGHH

i also have so many people here i need to thank, there’s more that i can think of right now but just know i love and appreciate every one of you guys.

staring with @smellofemale!! you were such a sign when i met you. i don’t think i’ve met a christian shifter — you’re the only one i still talk to if i have! im just so so sooo blessed to have met you. i don’t know what to say, dude! i love you so much. you’re so sweet, so kind, and so inspiring. i love you!

@eneablack although you’re one of my newest friends, you’re another really really inspirational one. you’re so open about your struggles with shifting, even though you’ve had success time and time again. it shows me and many others how shifting sometimes is a hard thing to get used too, even with successes under your belt!

@daisys-reality! if you don’t know them, FOLLOW IMMEDIATELY PLEASE OMGGJAJSN she gives some of the best and most accurate readings i could ever ask for. also her drs (specifically her mermaid one) have inspired me so much!!

@kanachaka UR AO COOL BRO I JS LOVE SEEING UR POSTS AJSJDKDJD

@kazylynn i love u sm!! u rlly show me i can be an inspiration to others, and that’s something i’ve hoped for all my life. i want to be a good, helpful person — and i love you for showing me i can be.

@babybearthepsychic a few months ago you gave me a free reading that was just so accurate and so real. i don’t know if i would still be on this spiritual journey without it, because i was at one of my hardest points then. i cannot believe how just truly accurate and kind you are. i love you so much, you’re doing amazing. i wish i could give you the biggest hug, and i could donate like a million dollars to u rn but i literally don’t have a job 😭

@zipperrants i don’t think i rlly need to explain this… dude i thought u we’re so cool even when u we’re js interacting with @maddies-chronicles and i rlly wanted to interact w u so bad but i was so so scared bro!! and thank u hale for giving me the opportunity to meet them!!

@accidentalshifter YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MANY PEOPLE U REPRESENT IN THIS RESLITY — YOURE ONE OF THE FIRSR ADULT SHIFTERS I SAW ON HERR AND IM SO SO SO SO SOOO FUCKING HQPPY YOURE SO OPEN ABOUT IT! you’re just so free and it’s beautiful. i love you so much

and there are so many more but i just.. im gonna cry i love you all tooo much.. please know u all mean so much to me and i can’t wait to tell u so many stories when i get back, and help u guys shift. i am working so hard to post more, and i pray this post can help me become more active.

so so so much love, to everyone in this community, you’re so wonderful. may the gods bless you.

so much love, peace and joy

the abyss

[that-myllesstrauss-guy]

Sigma interacting with his co-workers in talon (with his pills):

Sombra

Sigma: Unh? Oh Hello my friend! I haven't notice you there.

Sombra: Oh! Yes! I finaly made it work.

Sigma: I'm afraid i don't follow. What did you made work?

Sombra: It's a old device from the old times on Dorado. I found on a junkward with only It's hopes and dreams to keep it alive. It's a camouflage exo-skeleton that went missing after that accident of transportation to the moon.

Sigma: That was indeed a terrible incident. It's a queit a riddle of how in the many odds that could've happened.

Sombra: For the brigth side, i gain this little one. Look: It's filled with nano bots, they are soo tricky to control though, too many and too complex even with my current technology; imagine back then when i didn't had none of this! Needed like ten years just to hack 100 of them and on the stage that i found it i was already thinking that it was imposible to make it work. But oh man! Más vale manã que fuerza.

Sigma: Outstanding! And that's one marvel of engineering that Horizon was caring, and as you said: Complicated. I unfortunately had little to no contact with this kind of technology, i only saw when It's was being refined, years away from the current time. Seeing it on this stage shows how your handwork really improved after your studies.

Sombra: Learned with the best.

Sigma: Well, thank you but to be frank you're queit the prodigy yourself. I do not believe a admirer of the systematics of relativity is queit, eh, sharp to thought the control ofd sub atomic non-organic devices.

Sombra: It's true though. Without you, i wouldn't be capable of understand none of that right now, it took years just understand their basic composition. I own you alot, viejito.

Sigma: I appreciated.

Moira

Sigma: Could I go outside today, doctor?

Moira: I'm afraid i can't do that, you're under supervision after that surgery that we passed.

Sigma: Yes, yes, immune system weakend cannot be teased with a little clue of fresh air. But.... By the time that is passed here i don't feel stronger.

Moira: Your diagnoses said otherwise.

Sigma: I mean in pratice. My abilities seemed to increse and i showed more results while i was outside. Hitting the walls, going back in furth, this isn't a natural display of mines here.

Moira: We understand your struggle doctor, but for now you will be just the very thing that you are not craving right now, for the benefits of your health and the full sucess of the experiment. So we stay right here, yes?

Sigma: . . . I understand.

Doomfist

Doomfist: Doctor De Kuiper? The subject sigma, still... Instable? I see, i hope nothing unchracterist happens here.

Sigma: Hello mister Ogundimu! Never thought i would see you in flesh.

Doomfist: Unh hum... Charmed. (Takes a step back)

Sigma: i'm marveled for seeing you here. The doomfist! The title behind It's as heavy as It's sounds.

Doomfist: You know my title?

Sigma: And who doesn't? A man that in a battle killed his own master. Now, i know It's sounds harsh for but for pete's sake you are queit skilled, the cloath needed to be changed, in a way or another.

Doomfist: How do you know this?...

Sigma: Many events happens in many universes, universes that comes with mutiple choices of certain characters, and yours my friend, the universe singed your history and It's happens to be true in this variation. It happens time to time, i can't tell why!

Doomfist: Sure... It was good to see you, doctor de Kuiper. (Goes away)

Sombra: Got em'! Best actor ever.

Sigma: He looked very frigthen.

Sombra: That's what he get's for thinking he is high and mighty.

Sigma: You sure are happy with this.

Sombra: Yep! Oh man his face was priceless.

Sigma: Well, this could've got worst. But guess you handle pretty well.

Reaper

Reaper: Get off the way, doctor.

Sigma: How can one desmaterilize and still be asking for space?

Reaper: The very one is thinking in fill you with bullets. So, Get. Back.

Sigma: If a cologne of protozoa makes It's way for the mind of a fish. This means the fish is now passing for a evolutive process or devoluteve process?

Reaper: What?

Sigma: Has a ant ever thought that the universe that it got It's actually just another particle on the grand scheme of things?

Reaper: Have you lost your goddamn mind?

Sigma: purpose has purpose?

Reaper: (grunts) just get away from me. (He dissapers.)

Sigma: Finally peace. (Smiles.)

Widowmaker

Sigma: (singing)

Widowmaker: Could you please shut up?

Sigma: Oh! Why? It's beautiful day today.

Widowmaker: We wipped out a battalion of soldiers.

Sigma: Oh... So you still knows what compasion is?

Widowmaker: Nothing beyond a distraction.

Sigma: So Gerard was in the wrong since the start?

Widowmaker: What did you say? Did sombra made you say this?

Sigma: No, i just heard about it. Did you miss him?

Widowmaker: It's none of your bussines.

Sigma: If you do, Doctor O'Deorain could've failed on her experiment, if you don't that means she is good on her work, and i will trust her. Which is it?

Widowmaker: ... Don't cross my line of sight again, doctor.

Sigma: I know my answer now.

[grapecaseschoices]

kendis interview questions

i saw @/heroofpenamstan doing this and i’ve been missing og kendis/brainrotting twc so. i might do this for my other ocs (probably twc and infamous. maybe fhr) later. but we shall see!!

🥀 [WILTED ROSE] How good is your OC at meeting deadlines? What motivates them? 

Extremely good. I’ve said it often that Kendis main (sole, jkjk ... or am I) is stubbornness -- but I don’t think I can fully express how much so. It isn’t even the whole ‘if you looked up the word, you’d find her picture’. If stubbornness had an avatar, it would be Kendis. That is her motivation -- and often supplemented by passion and spite (oh hey, her other personality trait). Dogged and drive is Kendis Crawforod-Louel to a T (to their own deteriment at times ...)

🌹 [ROSE] Does your OC believe in true love? Why? 

No. Yes. Not in the traditional soulmate/star-crossed lovers sense. And not in the there can only be one sense. I don’t know how to explain it --like they don’t. BUT they believe you can be soo truly, ardently, unrepentantly devoted to someone(s). That you can love someone(s) with your whole heart that can shift/shape you. And it doesn’t have to solely be romantic. 

It’s kind of hard not to with their parents -- whether you mean og Kendis’ parents that are cute as fuck and still sweet on each other years later (even if they sometimes have sex with other people). Or Rebecca for as hurtful as she is one cannot deny she broke irreparably after Rookt tied. Or even her parents in kotsam, where Isabella is a great mom, who has a full life, but there feels like sometimes there is a ghost lurking behind her.

How can one not? Also OG Kendis and TWC Kendis has Austyn in their background and that’s .... yeah. And EXILE Kendis had Syfyn. And yeah. 

🍄 [MUSHROOM] How likely is your OC to eat random berries/mushrooms they find? 

Unlikely. LMAO. If they’re doing so, it isn’t random, it’s because they know what they’re doing. Most, if not all, versions of Kendis are wilderness trained. 

🍂 [AUTUMN LEAVES] Does your OC view piles of dead leaves as a mess or as fun? 

Are they a joke to you? Fun!

🌻 [SUNFLOWER] Where would your OC get lost in the moment/beauty of the place? 

Forest/woods. There are many places -- because Kendis is like a bear (hehe) in that whole gonna stop and take it in when I’m wowed by something lovely, but that’s usually the most likely. 

🌾 [RICE SHEAF] How picky is your OC with food? What will and won't they eat? 

Probably not at all??? Kendis is my foodie. They’d try anything at least once. 

☘️ [SHAMROCK] How passionate is your OC about things they love/hate? 

qqwertewq3456 ROFLMAO. Anyway. SEE FIRST RESPONSE. I’d say they’re pretty dang passionate. 

🍀 [FOUR LEAF CLOVER] Would your OC spend hours looking for a four leaf clover? 

Probably not hours but they would definitely spend some time. A couple maybe. 

🌳 [DECIDUOUS] What's your OC's favourite thing to do at the park? 

Harass the animals -- I mean pet and feed them. 

🍃 [FALLEN LEAF] What's the darkest period of time your OC has been through?

For most Kendis’ it is losing Austyn. For exile Kendis probably losing Syfyn, Tristan, and their family. And maybe that whole purge on the magic folk situation. 

🌵 [CACTUS] How physically resilient is your OC? 

Highly. Minus the fact that they’re fairly in shape, and most Kendis’ are of of the supernatural variety so pain and endurance process is different than a human, cue the fact that they’re spitefully stubborn. Kendis would put with a lot for what they wanted and then minimize/brush off the aftermath.

🌸 [CHERRY BLOSSOM] Does your OC believe in legends/myths? 

Kendis is a skeptical optimist. Not quite the Scully. She’ll believe if she sees it. Or she’s done enough research on it to satisfy herself. But experience (sometimes) guides her. So, a Kendis living with myths and legends would be open to considering new ones. 

🌷 [TULIP] What is your OC's favourite flower and colour?

I don’t know they have a favorite FLOWER (I need to ponder) -- but their tend to like pothos plants. Favorite color(s) are fandango pink, shades of purple, gold, and red. There are probably others but off the top of my head ...

[consumeronionbulletin]

That Winter, The Wind Blows (2013)

This show is not meant to be believable and is about feeling all the feels. It's not worse than other dramas I've finished, but the tricks it pulls to keep your interest are dated, and I've lost patience with this kind of show.

It doesn't help that the premise is a bit bonkers...

There's two guys with the same name. One of them is a con man who is suddenly in deep trouble with the mafia. The other guy is the (disowned) older son of a rich man who is in a coma. And on the day the second guy is about to finally meet his long lost sister and come into his inheritance—he dies in a car accident, and the con man takes his place. That works because his long lost sister is blind and no one has seen the guy for twenty years so they don't know what he's supposed to look like anyways.

I mean, there's a few other twists to it, but that's basically it. And over the course of the series we learn lots of terrible family secrets and have crazy plot shenanigans happening. I stopped watching after five episodes.

The Good:

The two leads are great, both separately and together. Jo In-sung puts in a great performance as a con man who has just enough of a moral compass to get caught when he ends up doing the decent thing a few too many times. Song Hye-kyo put in an amazing performance as someone who is strong outside and in complete emotional turmoil. The sidekicks are fun, too. There's a weird faux-cest plot that kind of keeps things entertaining for awhile. The tragic backstory is suitably tragic and gut wrenching in places.

I'm starting to see a pattern in the roles Song Hye-kyo has been cast in. She starts out playing this coldly competent character that is missing something in her life. And once she finds a good man, then suddenly she'll be complete and all the trauma and bad stuff will finally be healed. She's played that kind of character in every role I've seen her in, and this is where that started. Overall, that's not a bad kind of character, and I enjoy watching her play it, but it seems like the rest of the show has been hit or miss.

The Bad:

The plot doesn't make sense. It will never make sense. From what I've read, the ending won't make any sense either. I can put up with alot of lapses in logic, depending on the show, but just know that going into it.

The Ugly:

Oh Young (Song Hye-kyo's character) keeps trying to kill herself. For reasons that kind of make sense. And Oh Soo (Jo In-sung's character) decides that slapping her is a good idea. I just cannot be cool with that. All the other toxic masculinity BS in the show—stuff that is supposed to be smoldering and show how much the man cares—just feels dated and tired.

I know where the show is coming from—I just can't keep watching when that kind of thing happens in a show. I've got a three wrist-grab limit, at this point (though I do subtract from that count for reverse wrist-grabs; it's a complicated system). I know some of this is cultural, but some of it isn't... and I'm tired of seeing it.

TL; DR:

Don't go into this show expecting logic. Don't expect it to be objectively good. But it can be entertaining for some people. Just not me.

[roguestarsailor]

DLKFJFKLSDFD KLDFSKLJDFSKJ I HATE HIM I FINALLY BLOCKED HIM AND UNFRIENDED HIM ON EVERYTHING I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM EVER AGAIN I CANNOT BELIEVE I LET IT GO ON FOR SO LONG??? FOR WHAT??? SHE CAN HAVE THE BEST HE CAN GIVE AND I'LL KEEP MY LOVE TO MY FUCKEN SELF i hate that i am still on this guy. i saw the signs! so many signs!! also so many red flags!! what happened to love is suppose to feel calm like when im by the ocean??? its not this!! its not this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this does feel like a good reason to leave. to finally cut the cord. severe it. burn it. i will be more vigilant now and im not going to look for the hope...that just give it a little more then it could work; that it could just magically click.

its just embarrassing cuz i did soo many tiny things to prove that it can be me. to prove to him that i can be desirable? to prove that i am worthy of love from him? because the good outshone the bad and i really want it. i wanted him to be someone i could love since i had already let him see so many private moments and he doesn't fucken care. i think i was just convenient??? just company until he found someone he liked; maybe hes just interested in viewing my life and sees it as entertainment? i let him in too long and i LET HIM INFLUENCE ME SO MUCH.

i didnt want to leave my old apartment because i really wanted him to come around more and it was so convenient for him. god i am so stupid. i went on those long strenuous hikes even though i just wanted to take it slow and smell the roses and just be in nature. i got my bike because i wanted to go cycling with him. i made myself do all these sports constantly because he said he likes athletic/active girls. i thought he'd see these interests of mine and be enamored. i thought i liked this growth but it wasn't mine. i pushed all my other interests away and was just anticipating his texts and 'want to dine?' texts on the weekends. i missed out on fun things i wanted to do because i knew i'd try to make plans with him. well more like he proposes something and i was just like 'yes!!' like a fucken dog. god i was so excited for those; and even let him play his music and just let him dismiss my music tastes and literally all my interests. his youtube, his music, his movies, his food choices, all his!! i tried stupid fucken salsa and he third wheel'd me. i went to ballet with him, i went whatever he wanted. i really wanted his fucken approval so badly.

pickleball never felt fun because once he sees me failing (we'll be on the same team), he'd demand another player swap with me or he'd just fucken leave. i dont trust him near my friends because hes laser focuses on finding a girlfriend and i was jealous that i can see him be with them rather than me. isn't that fucken insane?? that should be first red flag.

im insane and i need to be put away.

im going to learn from this but its hard to feel genuinely happy anymore. every man i meet pales in comparison and all the men in relationships i see, i am just so envious. how did they get so lucky? (well at least the ones who truly look like they're in love). and im trying to focus on other things but this floods my brain when i have alone time.

my heart hurts and i dont know how to make him not occupy my entire brain and i can't keep taking transit and holding back my tears. god the shame is so real. i feel embarrassed that i thought i had a chance, that finally it's my turn but i also feel embarrassed that he gave so little and yet i thought everything he did especially for me was sooo great and wonderful and i cherished it all.

i cherished the fact he's the one person that checks up on me. my own mother doesn't check on me as much as he does. i liked that he had my location because it felt nice that at least someone in this world knows where i am at all times; that someone cares.

i felt like someone cared and i've been craving that depth.

this is what is crushing about severing this relationship. nobody will know where i am and i'm scared to be forgotten.

[epaily]

s2 e6 liveblog! last one!

aziraphale is so protective of everyone it warms my heart

i hope nina and maggie get a good ending. who am i kidding i know they will.

crowley sticks out soo bad in heaven lmao

BEES

roasting heavens security lmaooo

"youre not a bee youre a murder hornet!"

hate that hair on him

FUCK THEM UP MAGGIE

SHE FLIPPED THEM OFF

FUCK EM UPPPPP

oh FUCK

this is the second time his shop has been violated augh

METATRON????

VINDICATIONNNNNNNN?????

oh shit!!! he opened it!!!

HAHA get rolled demons

earth 2023 simulator

ah that was the real gabriel! i thought he'd already been wiped with that it sounded so wrong

he just said no??? thats weird

this has to be killing aziraphale right. that has to be ruining so many books just as well as water. i know its for the greater good but

this is so incorrect

something is so wrong

gabriel Should Not be speaking like that

oh the books are SO killing him

and sure enough he dropped the matchbox

has he been faking this whole time??? i Cannot Tell-

HALO

AZIRAPHALE HAS A HALO

HALO

HALO

HALO

oh my god

A WAR????? GIRL-

ITS THE LASTEPISODE WHAT DO YOU MEAN A WAR-

this is a MESS

DAGON????????????

cant you undo a miracle????? i feel like i remember that

pet fly lmao thats kinda cute

AUGH NO NOT THE EYE

EW EW EW EW EW

lol the s1 footage

gabriel and beezlebub arguing is just as funny as it was 4 years ago

i still want to know why gabriel chose no war. that doesnt sound like him

awe beezlebub likes music

shelly conn is cute

they keep meeting. somethings up.

i smell blood in the water. do you remember the amount of porn of these two in 2019.

hes back 👀

awe he said thank you

why is this more romantic then aziraphale and crowley have been the whole season

THERES NO FUCKIN WAY

NO WAY

THIS IS FAKE

THERES NO FUCKING WAY

anna maxwell martin is so sad she missed out on this LMAOOOOO

i cannot FUCKING believe this is happening

if they kiss im throwing my phone

awe they just vanished. this is so weird. i could never of fucking predicted this in a million years. never. NEVER. NEVER

METATRON

VINDICATIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNÑNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

i cannot get over muriel. she thought she was going for lunch with them. she asked for a book. "theyre like people! but portable!" omfg cute shes not quite their kid but shes something

DID NINA JUST CALL MAGGIE ANGEL

WAH

good for nina taking her time! shes going through a breakthrough and needs a break. good for fucking her.

"you never communicate" oh NO oh god is this going to break me im scared

they will not shut the fuck up. i love them so fucking much.

WHAT

CROWLEY COULD BE AN ANGEL AGAIN

oh no

oh no

i dont like where this is going

oh my fucking god

head in hands

OK BYE SAY IT IM GONNA HYPERVENTALATE

IM LOSING MY MIND

I AM LOSING

MY

FUCKING

THEY KISSED

MIND

MY MIND IS GONE ITS LOST IT IS NOT HERE

I AM NOT HERE

IM GONE

GONE

GONE

GONE

can these bitches stop breaking up

SECOND COMING

oh my god aziraphale youre making a horrible mistake

im not even in pain im just mentally not here

AND ITS. DONE? GIRL-

im screaming im screaming currently can you hear me screaming? because im screaming

i think i need to

lay down

and

process

this.

[ohmycenchaheart]

Came across these headcanons that I’d written post the finale because I refused to accept the show ending like that. I refuse to believe that after everything they’ve gone through, Cha Young and Vincenzo cannot be together. Sorry PJB, but that’s not happening (even if it was sorta realistic and brilliant). Anyway. This is what I’d have loved to see play out. 

Homecoming

It happens on one of their game nights. Game day became game night because Cha Young often has trials at the court these days.

They’re playing Mafia again. Of course they are. And when Cha Young ends up as the Mafia, she thinks momentarily of a compliment, indulgently given over cups of Makgeolli, that maybe she truly did believe in the Mafia.

Their game is interrupted by the arrival of two of Geumga Family’s honorary members — Ahn Gi Seok and Cho Young Woon, who are lovingly welcomed with hugs and pats on the back. Because it’s not often most of the family gets to be together (most and not all, because one of them is always missing).

“Well, my old-looking hoobae and I were wondering if there’d be room for three more players at tonight’s game night…” “Yah, Ahn gun, we’ve been the ones drinking, but it seems you’re the one who is drunk,” says Mr. Tak. Upon which, Mr. Cho adds, “Ahh, you see, we brought an old friend along.”

And it is then a familiar voice greets them. “Annyeonghaseyo.”

To say that the Geumga Plaza family collectively loses it would be an understatement.

Mr. Nam is the first to tackle Vincenzo with a hug and his trademark “Byeonhosa-nim!”

Cha Young stands at the back, elated and trying to process if this is really happening, while Vincenzo gets hugged by the rest of the family. With a knowing smile, Yeon-Jin reassuringly squeezes Cha Young’s arm, while her husband gushes over Vincenzo, and others wait their turn to hug the now returned man.

When it is her turn for a hug, no one misses on how Vincenzo is the one to initiate the hug. No one even remarks on the soft look both their faces sport, or how their hug lasts a few seconds longer than the others’.

And then game night isn’t game night anymore. Over Tteokbokki and beer, Mr. Cho and Mr. Ahn reveal how they worked it all out, using their agency and the guillotine file to clear Vincenzo’s name and let him come back. On Vincenzo’s part, he still has his secret island, but he has moved his Italian family somewhere safe, and left someone very capable in charge. It’s not that he has changed his ways, no, he is still the man he was when he left. It’s just.. it was about time he returned home to his family.

The three also let the plaza people know how well Han Seo has been recovering after undergoing numerous surgeries, and how they hope he will be joining them back in Seoul after completing his rehabilitation therapy abroad. Mr. Nam wonders if that means they’ll be getting a new intern at Jipuragi sometime soon.

When Hee Soo accidentally drops her napkin and bends down to retrieve it, she catches the two lawyers holding hands under the table, while being the perfect picture of nonchalance. She smiles and doesn’t say a word.

When the family has finally finished catching up, and sleep gradually takes over them all, the group decides to disperse.

Before leaving, Mr. Lee and Yeon Jin let Vincenzo know what time his goddaughter will be awake the next day, so that he can finally meet her.

Cha Young and Vincenzo make their way to the footbridge (a place where some of their fondest memories linger still despite all the time that has passed) because there’s something Cha Young has to let him know: she might have (read: definitely has) taken over his old apartment.

It was honestly a matter of convenience, nothing else. For those days when work makes her put in longer hours, and it’s easier to sleep at the apartment rather than going back all the way home. Plus, she already had the spare key and it was easy to negotiate with Mr. Cho (who didn’t charge her a penny for the place, as if he’d dare). It had nothing to do with the fact that on days when Cha Young found herself missing him more than usual, curling up in this apartment brought her comfort. With all his things still there, sometimes it felt as if he hadn’t left.

But of course, Vincenzo already knows all this. Mr. Cho had already filled him in.

And so they make their way to the apartment 606. It still is sparsely furnished like the way it was when he lived there, but there are a few new additions. His couch has more pillows and a soft throw blanket. His living room table is littered with case files and a familiar bunny massage stick. In the kitchen there are boxes of ramen and instant coffee mix, and cartons holding makgeolli bottles. In his bathroom, there’s an extra toothbrush and a small make up bag by the sink. Bottles of shampoo and perfume and soap that smell like her now stand next to his old toiletries. It makes him smile because it feels he never left, like they’ve been living here together in this tiny apartment all this while, his world and hers mixing together. He won’t admit how many times he’s dreamt of this -- just them and the life they’ve made together.

When he enters his room, he finds half his closet space is taken over by her “emergency wardrobe”... And it seems his old Booralro sleepwear has somehow made its way to her pile of clothes. In Cha Young’s defence, despite looking silly, that silky nightshirt is ridiculously comfy, and it’d be such a shame if she let a limited edition piece of work go to waste. That she kept it because it reminds her of him remains unsaid.

The one addition Cha Young has made to the apartment that Vincenzo loves the most is in his room. Atop the dresser, next to all his lighters and Inzhagi’s bird food, are three photo frames. The first has a picture of him and his mum. The second is the portrait of the two of them with Cha Young. And the third is the picture from their fake proposal that the art gallery had emailed them. It’s funny how, despite spending all that time together, this was the only photo they had together. Vincenzo thinks it’s time they change that.

They both stand by the window, and when Inzhagi finally comes by to say hi to his old friend, Cha Young is reminded of a Shakespearean quote — Journeys end when lovers meet — because lets be real, Vincenzo’s true love is this pigeon. Vincenzo is highly offended when Inzhagi shows preference to the bird food Cha Young has laid out for him, and not the one Vincenzo has to offer. Guess Cha Young’s diligent feeding of the bird during his absence has secured her a new friend.

Given the late hour, it only makes sense that Cha Young sleep over. And traditions must be continued, so some ramyeon is made (this time it’s two servings because no matter what Cha Young says about not wanting ramyeon, Vincenzo remembers his lesson all too well) and bottles of Makgeolli are consumed.

The two wake up the next morning, all tangled up on the living room floor, in the space between the couch and the coffee table (that is now pushed aside). And despite the uncomfortable floor, it’s the soundest sleep they’ve both had in the last year and half.

But they need to wake up soon and head out. First stop coffee, a quick check up on their gold,  and then to meet his goddaughter over whom he has promised to look after. And after that, a quick stop to their old Bungeoppang stand (if it’s still there) and a drive to where their parents now rest.

This, Vincenzo thinks as he holds an asleep Cha Young in his arms, is what it means to finally be home.

[damselofblueroses]

The Name of the Rose

Summary: Your study-buddy Doh Kyungsoo comes with you for a long-awaited trip to Tokyo, Japan. There is a tension between you, however both of you decided to build a friendship instead of a relationship.

Content: Unestablished relationship, AU, Hurt/Comfort, Anger, Slight Violence, Emotional Complications and Healing.

Warnings: Well, the story contains NSFW/Smut, please minors do not continue.

Note: This story was inspired by D.O.’s album, Empathy, the album of 2021 in my opinion. It is an ongoing mini project, I planned to write it as a one-shot when I started, however I realized there are a lot to say about Empathy Era and I cannot stop shut my mouth, or prevent myself from writing… So, here we go.

Second chapter, the Hunter and the Goddess is out :)

Word Count: 3.6k

Chapter 1: The Hunter and the Gazelle

Stat rosa pristina nomine, nomina nuda tenemus.

You were excited.

No, it was not the correct word to be used. You were hyperactive, more than your usual self, and God knows that everyone could testify on how hectic your personality was. According to your family and very close friends, you were a walking catastrophe, funny but a fucking tease and potentially dangerous for environment.

And now, as you had been waiting for your flight, you could not manage to even stay still. Your hands were everywhere, you proved yourself again by dismantling your tote bag as poor thing was on your lap and you were playing with it unconsciously.

“Enough.” you heard your companion’s baritone voice tone. “If you will continue like this, you have to buy your belongings again in Japan. Do you have that much money?”

He reached to you and took the bag from your lap. For a second, his fingers brushed your thighs, and you lost your concentration during that fucking second.

Focus! you told yourself.

“I can always lend some money from you.” you cocked one of your eyebrows. “What? Will you bare me from some bucks?”

“Yes.” he was always plain and simple. On the contrary of you. “Unless if it is not a necessary. I am not a guy of sharing.”

What type of guy you are, can you give me a demonstration?

Your trip to Japan made you very excited, but you had to confess at least to yourself in the depts of your mind. What made you frenzied was the presence of your companion.

Doh Kyungsoo.

Your long-term study-buddy. Actually, he was more than a study-buddy, he was a kind of your comfort zone, even though you never express your opinions about him. You have known each other for almost 7 years since the last year of bachelor. Both of you continued your ways in academic world and you were currently being Ph.D. candidates.

To be honest, he never lose his impacts on you. You had a sweet spot for him since almost the beginning of your friendship which made him more than a study-buddy. It did not mean that you were restraining yourself from having dates time to time, but all of them were ended up with the same result.

They were clever and handsome guys, but they were not Doh Kyungsoo.

Sometimes you could not help but wonder, how it would be if you did not meet him as a friend? Could you two manage having a relationship as your best friend, Baekhyun, supported like a bloody zealot? Or one of you would give up as your brother, Jongdae, always believed?

“Hey!” you heard Kyungsoo’s voice and jumped off from the bench. “Come back to your senses or we are going to miss the plane.”

“And you are going to take its money from me.” your murmured inside of your mouth but obliged to what he said by starting to walk. He was generally quiet during flights, but you knew his mouth will not be shut when you will visit the restaurants he wanted to try.

He does not come for Tokyo, he comes for fucking eels, octopuses, or crabs. Kyungsoo and his appetite.

“Naturally.” he approved your words on money, but there was a ghost of smile on his lips. “Since you are the one who became a sleeping beauty.”

Do you think I am beautiful?

This was another problem you had. With Kyungsoo, you were so relaxed, and you felt extremely safe, so you did not need to control yourself as you generally did. Of course, it was a good omen for your friendship, as much as you were sure Kyungsoo never lied to you, it was also a disadvantage on your part, because sometimes you wanted to ask some questions that should be remained in silence.

“If we would be fairy tales,” you smirked. “I would be Belle while you are the Beast.”

“Fine by me.” he shrugged his shoulder. “He is a very good guy. I am happy for Belle; she understands the assignment. You would not most probably.”

“Sweetheart, you are slow to catch the signs.” you playfully smacked his shoulder when you reached to the control point. You thought he would be annoyed, but he stopped and seriously gazed at you. You shivered and wondered why he was looking at you like he wanted to say something.

“What?” you inhaled.

“Since when I am slow to catch the signs?” he pressed on every word of his sentence, and to your dismay he used that voice tone, almost a whisper but goddamn strong. “Give me an example.”

You shuttered down, and this was the last problem you had with Kyungsoo, he was the only one who could make your brain stop working especially in times when the occasion calls for full-speed devilish progress. You just stared at him and shrugged your shoulder.

“Eh Soo,” you murmured. “You missed a lot of beautiful girls, right?”

Your response was so weak even to your ears. If Chanyeol, number two best friend of you, could hear your words, he would burst into laughs by hitting everyone beside him. You could imagine Junmyeon’s disgusted face as a plus.

“I did not miss anyone, my dear.” he chuckled. “Let me rephrase, anyone I want just one exception, but exceptions do not ruin the calculation in your famous mindset.”

When he chuckles, you can feel your blood tension rocks your body. His heart shaped lips does something to you, and you do not want to name it.

“Exceptions run the world, Doh.” you tried to push him to elaborate his words a little bit more. “Who is that lucky girl who run away from you?”

“That’s my secret.” he smirked and put his hand onto your waist in order to led you the controller lady. “Show your passport, I do not want to wait here forever.”

Who was the girl he mentioned? You could not help but started to feel anxious, how much you tried to press your instincts and feelings, whenever he mentioned a girl, there would be a dire need of crying in the pit of your stomach. You took a deep breathe and followed his instruction. While you were walking into the inside of plane, you struggled with the sudden sadness. You wanted to tear that off yourself, so you reminded yourself the splendid trip ahead you. You found your place and processed to sit down.

“May I help?” Kyungsoo asked you but he already fetched your belongings and placed them correctly. You smiled to him and sat down.

How could you meet someone like him? He was a little bit grumpy sometimes, a person who could give unexpected reactions, but he was reliable, kind, lovely and always thoughtful of his environment. You did not want to lose him. You never want to lose him, on the contrary, you want to keep him in your life until the very end. You could not think a life without Kyungsoo, you always desire him to stay your side.

You were pretty sad, you had to admit, and there was regret. You were regretful on your decision to not go further with him, you wished you could be braver and tell him about your feelings for him. How much you were confused because of him, how many days and nights you spent sleepless because of him. To make the things more complicated, you had zero idea about how he would be responded your confession if you pull yourself together and manage to do. For once, you heard his cousin Minseok talked about you by saying you were very important for Kyungsoo, however you did not know in which extent you were important for him.

You two were always closed to each other, you spent almost 3 or 4 days together, you were living in the same campus, your departments were close to each other. He was a huge part of your life, that’s one of the reasons why you were hopelessly trying to conceal your inappropriate feelings for Kyungsoo. The idea of losing his extremely valuable presence was the only scenario could make you sob.

“Am I the only one who is very uncomfortable?” he whispered to your ear and made your stomach twisted. You could kill him for this, but he was not aware of how he affected you. “You are deadly silent.”

“No, I am just thinking.” you run away from him like an Olympic athlete. “About the trip. I am very excited.”

“If you are,” he flinched your forehead. “You have to talk non-stop. You are silent when something bothers you, what are you hiding from me?”

“Nothing, Soo.” you found a smile from somewhere and presented to him. “You know I never find the chance of visiting Japan; I am really overwhelmed.”

“So, speak to me.” he grunted. “Do not act like I am not here.”

“Okey, okey.” you raised your hands to air. “Sorry for that.”

“I start to feel like I am disturbing you.” he turned his head to the Name of the Rosethat he was reading. Umberto Eco, he had a taste for everything of course. “I asked you twice if you are okey with going to Japan with me.”

You could laugh if you were not so tense since he mentioned girls.

“And I told you this is okey, Soo.” you pinched his upper arm. “You are a good companion for trips.”

“Only for trips?” he asked. What the fuck was wrong with Kyungsoo today? He was behaving weird, and his questions made you more baffled. “I thought I am good companion for everything.”

You bit your lips in order to send back the sudden answer you wanted to give. Instead of declaring your ignorance about his performance on everything, you refined your words.

“You are a good friend, Soo and sorry for making you feel unwanted. I am happy you are coming with me.”

“Hm.” he hummed but he did not look like he was satisfied with your answer. You decided to not think about what the heck he wanted to hear, you also turned to your book that you were supposed to read since the departure. At least Pavese helped you to collect your mind till the plane landed in Narita Airport. He helped you while you two took a cab for the way, he was acting like his usual self, so you accused yourself because of searching hidden messages in his questions. You were such an idiot.

“I will be seeing you at dinner.” he waved his hand when you finished the registration process of the hotel you would be staying for the week. You were in front of the elevator. Both of you already decided to take a nap before dinner when you were planning the trip, so you approved his words and took your keys.

“See you.” you smiled and walked to your room. When you opened the door, your smile widened, the room is so light and minimalistic as you really liked. There was no crowded furniture, crazy designs, or unnecessary modifications. The walls were light blue, the furniture was white, and all looked very harmonious. There were plants and flowers, you immediately run to the flowers as you loved them more than anything else. The hotel staff managed to place even Sakura blossoms into the room that made your heart flattered and smoothed your nerves.

And there was only one blue rose, which was your favourite flower in the world. Just one, between a bouquet of daisies and it looked magnificent. You leaned to smell it while smiling as a little freak. You did not have to see your face; you knew how you looked like. Chanyeol always said that when you see a blue rose, you lost your shit. Another creature made you drunk in happiness was white butterflies. You had a sweet spot for blue roses and white butterflies.

And for Kyungsoo.

You grunted to yourself in your mind, and you headed to the bathroom by tapping your feet to the ground harshly. You were done with your obsession with Kyungsoo, it became something out of control, and you were tired of yourself at this point.

You had to live your goddamn life, you had to stop fucking fantasizing about your study-buddy.

You stripped out from your clothes and jumped into the shower. Cold water helped you to take the control of yourself, both as physical and emotional. You were okey, you were in bloody Japan as you always wanted, and you were going to fucking enjoy it. After shower, you threw yourself into the bed, tucked yourself inside the blanket and set the alarm for one hour later.

After one hour, you were swearing at yourself with your very glorious vocabulary because the only thing you did was fantasizing about Doh Kyungsoo.

“Did you rest?” he asked to you while you were leaving the hotel. You held your growl inside. “Did you take a nap?”

“I did not sleep but I leaned down for a while, so it was good. You?”

“I slept like a baby. It was very interesting when you think I am more like an insomniac.”

“I guess, your insomnia is rubbing on me.” you grumbled. “Where are we going now?”

“Eh, at least something about me can rub on you.” he rolled his eyes, your chin was dropped due to his response. “There is a tiny noodle restaurant in Ebisu, but they are very famous. We are going to there.”

“Okey.” you nod and walked beside of him.

“You look very pretty.” he turned to you. “That dress looked very good on you.”

You instantly took a look on your navy, long dress. It was very comfortable, but also elegant and your fashion freak cousin persuaded you the colour and style gave you a

“Thank you.” you replied. “Sehun chose this for me, you know he is the chef kiss when it comes to fashion.”

“He did well.” he smiled. “How is Sehun by the way, I did not see him since ages. Did he come back from France?”

“No.” you pouted. You really missed your noisy cousin. “He just came to visit for a week, then came back to school. I am not sure if he will come back to be honest, he got some important invitations from European universities.”

“Very good.” Kyungsoo’s face was lit up. He was proud of Sehun. “I know you miss him, but he has a bright career ahead of him.”

“Yes, I know.” you also smiled. Thinking about your successful but extremely playful cousin made you happy. “I just worry about him.”

“Stop babying him.” Kyungsoo punched your arm as half serious half joke. “How old is he, 27?”

“Yeah.” you laughed. “I know I baby him very much, but we all do, Kyungsoo.”

“You are just one year older than Sehun.” he smirked. “Who is going to baby you?”

“Chanyeol.” you exhaled. Kyungsoo looked at you for a second, then both of you burst into laughs because it was well known that you also took care of Chanyeol and Baekhyun as well as Sehun. “Jokes aside, I am a strong and big girl, Kyungsoo, I do not need someone babying me.”

“Maybe you can start looking for a sugar daddy to baby you?” he cocked his eyebrows to you. “Before it is going to be too late?”

“Actually, I had some candidates in my pocket.” you devilishly beamed to him. “You have no idea.”

“Beg your pardon?” his face suddenly transformed from joy to deadpanned seriousness, and his smile was disappeared immediately. “I was joking.”

“I was not.” you blinked your eye. “Some people really proposed to me.”

“For being your sugar daddy?”

“I know I am very little in your eyes, Kyungsoo” you took a deep breathe before continuing. “But here the breaking news: some people could find me attractive.”

“We are not talk about usual dates or men.” he held your arm and turned you to himself. “If you receive this kind of proposes, you have to tell me.”

“Next time, I will report you so we can decide who is going to be my sugar daddy.” you poked his ribs while he burrowed his eyebrows and radiated a strong sense of discontent. “Come on Kyungsoo, I am not going to say yes to this type of proposes, what do you think about me?”

“We are always joking about this issue,” he looked like he was cursing beneath his breath. “But when it comes to you and Baekhyun, I always suspect if you are serious or not.”

“Sugar daddy is a joke.” you hissed. “Of course, it is a joke, I have no interest in having a sugar daddy.”

“What about the proposes? Are they real?”

“Well, they are.” you murmured. Suddenly, you felt like the table was turned and you just played your ace card too early. You felt like Kyungsoo’s eyes investigated your soul to the bits.

“How many?”

“Three.” you gave up. “One from faculty, two from outside.”

“Unethical son of bitches.” he lowly cursed and caught you off guard because he generally preferred to use more polite words, even if he was cursing. “Keep them away from yourself.”

“Oh really?” you teased him by hoping to break the strange tension between you and managed to put a little smile on his face.

“Stop mocking me.” he warned you but now he was smiling widely. His mouth became a heart again, this time you averted your eyes from his face.

“Who I am to dare mocking you?” you squeaked but it was fake.

“Oh, you mock me more than even that walking noisy machine Baekhyun.” he flicked his hand. “We have to stop at this station, Ebisu Garden Place is on the way.”

He put his hand onto your waist again, and you felt like electrocuted again. Every time he touched you, and unfortunately, he sporadically did, you felt like you are dying for more. More what? You were not sure what you really wanted from Kyungsoo, but you were certain on you were desperate for more of him.

More of him.

The bus was crowded, Kyungsoo led you to a little corner, and stayed in front of you. He could be a little bit protective when it came to crowded places since you were clumsy, he generally insisted to keep you close to himself in order to catch you, if you would lose your balance, so you did not surprise when he held your wrist.

What made your heart to do a perfect all kill type of somersault was his next move, his fingers did not stop on your wrist, on the contrary they moved into your palm and grasped your hand tightly. You raised your eyes to him, he never hold your hand, never ever.

“I want to be sure.” he whispered by catching your question before you ask. “Since both of us do not know the way, and the bus is full of passengers, this is more secure.”

“Ah.” This was the best of you at the moment. You quickly realized what the heck you said but Kyungsoo sometimes can be quicker than you.

“Why? Are you unsatisfied with the reason?” His dark brown eyes were shining, his perfume smelled fucking good and the proximity between your faces did not help you.

“Why should I be?” you had to be back to play as soon as possible. “I grant you the chance of holding my hand, that’s count as charity.”

He looked at your hand for a moment, and you saw a smile formed on his lips and instead of a sarcastic reply as you expected, his eyes shaped like a crescent and shined as the fucking moon itself during a cloudless, navy night.

“Thank you, your highness.” he genuinely smiled. “May I continue to hold your hand?”

“Why?” the tone of your question was full of surprise, sounded exceptionally strange.

“Because I want to feel you.” he simply answered, and he squeezed your hand a little bit more. “For once let me feel you by my side.”

You knew that your eyes blown up, your mind was playing some tricky and dangerous games with you, you lost your shit, and you were sure about you finally made yourself mad because of your platonic interest in Kyungsoo, but even if God himself would appear in the bus in order to stop you, that would be a fruitless attempt.

You held Kyungsoo’s hand.

If he wanted to feel you by his side, you could not refuse.

You never refuse Kyungsoo.

How could you?

He was the protagonist of your secret dreams, fantasies and your goddam powerful imagination.

He was your gazelle and you were chasing him since the first day you met.

[azurajay]

I would like to know anything about the ocs u are willing to share who are they where are they from why does one of them have a tail why so many crosses

OHMYGODD HI HELLO HI I HONESTLY DID NOT EXPECT AN ASK AT ALL FROM THAT UEUEUE you are also literally my first ever ask so thank youu u so much for that im so excitedhsjdfgjkfjg

This might end up a long post so apologies in advance, I will try to keep it minimal ksdjk

OKAY okay so the baker lady in the first drawing, her name is nancy, she is the one with the tail<3 she's a mermaid!! if youve ever seen the tv show h20, her mermaid abilities are like that, in that if she touches an amount of water she undergoes the transformation. but unlike in h20, she was a mermaid First before she was human, she just lives more as a human now because she wanted that experience instead, and runs a lil bakery :DD

she wears the bandana on her head to cover some of her hair post-mermaid transformation, because it turns her hair Pink and it takes a day or so to go back to brown again. she also gets scales that show up on her skin, so she dresses accordingly after she's spent time as a mermaid so that they're hidden sjdkfgj but her group of friends help to keep her secret too :]

the whole story is set on this (made up) tiny island just off the south-ish UK coast in the 80s (but both time and place are kept relatively vague throughout), and that's where all of the characters are from!!

as for the crosses, one of the staple centre pieces of the island is the church!! pretty much everyone on the island was brought up religious, but in the story, one of the main characters (elias) and any of the other teens/young adults who are also on the religious side focus more on the saint of the church, st. eudocia. this leads to some uh,,, Interesting characters, one being the man with the cross earrings at the centre of the poster plan drawing (his name is greysen), who has a slight obsession with the saint figure and is attempting to reach immortality to be on her level !! fun !!

this causes a wholeee lotta trouble which is essentially the domino for the overarching plot so i simply will not go into all of that, but basically the boy in front of greysen (elias) is lead to believe his brother teddy (the guy Behind greysen) is dead/has been killed, and funky murder mystery shenanigans ensue :DD

(elias actually ends up being sort of "chosen" by st. eudocia, much muchhh to greysen's anger (which again leads to trouble) but elias has always looked to eudocia for guidance and to praise so it's sweet. she's got his back.)

teddy is also the one with the glasses in the first pic, and he's with jackie - i imagine that's not long after him and jackie meet, and teddy's taken him over to see nancy, who's one of his rly good friends!! :DD

then the second pic is during a moment when nancy is having a Rough Time following the news of teddy's death, and lars shows up to check on her, and they have a moment of quiet together as lars helps her bathe. they make me soo :((((

I JSUT REMEMBERED I HAVE THIS IMAGE okay so here is a Labelled Diagram of who everyone is :DD

greysen is the leader of the little evil-doers gang, consisting of pippa, sadie, and harywn, and then teddy is the leader of the little good guys gang consisting of lilith, nancy, lars, and jackie :D (both gangs need official names i just simply cannot think of anything yet <\3)

lilith is teddy's longterm childhood bestie, and they end up partly framed for teddy's death, which (alongside teddy's disappearance) is cause for turbulance btwn teddy's lil group - which is also something that plays into that second drawing with nancy and lars :(

BUT this image completely misses out elias' childhood best friend, toni, who is the most endearing little guy<3 the two of them spend an obscene amount of time together, and they work on dumb lil pranks and projects all the time. (this,,, gets offset by the disappearance of teddy, and the introduction of a new friend that toni makes, alongside greysen-induced-factors, drives the two apart at the lowest part of the story, but Fear Not because i hate sad endings, everything gets resolved<33)

this is her!! :D

okay now in favour of keeping this from getting any longer than it is, i will end it there, but i need you to know that pippa and sadie are in love. that is all.

but also seriously thank you so much for the ask, i really didnt expect anyone to see the post at all, let alone send an ask, so it means a wholeee lot ;-; thank you for lettin me ramble about my funky little guys :]]]

[sharkselfies]

The Minds Behind The Terror Podcast Transcript - Episode 4

Our journey comes to an end with the transcript for episode 4 of The Minds Behind The Terror Podcast, where Dave Kajganich, Soo Hugh, Dan Simmons, and Adam Nagaitis discuss the last two episodes of the series. Once again, Adam steals the show with his revelations about Mr. Hickey, but we also hear about everyone’s favorite death scenes, the fight to let Mr. Blanky say fuck, the many changes the writers made to the ending that differed from the novel, and the importance of trusting your audience’s intelligence.

The Minds Behind The Terror Podcast - Episode 4

[The Terror opening theme music]

Dave Kajganich: Welcome to the fourth and final installment of The Minds Behind AMC’s The Terror as we discuss our final two episodes of the show! I’m Dave Kajganich, creator and co-showrunner of the series, here with the honorable Dan Simmons, creator of the novel The Terror on which the series is based. Also with us is Soo Hugh, executive producer and co-showrunner of the show, and Adam Nagaitis, who plays a man who plays a man called Cornelius Hickey. Welcome back!

Adam Nagaitis: Hi!

Dan Simmons: Hi Dave. 

DK: So we launch into our final episodes. Now we are in an episode where the show begins to bend time. We cover a lot of ground in episode nine, a lot of distance, we say goodbye to quite a lot of characters, and we start to really bend the tone and the shape of the narrative towards the kind of horrible collision that’s coming between Crozier and Hickey and our Tuunbaq.

Soo Hugh: So in nine we say goodbye to so many of our characters. I mean Dave and I cried so--

[laughter]

SH: The amount of tears that he and I shed editing this show, especially with nine and ten. For you guys, Adam and Dan, which were the deaths--well, what did you think of the deaths?

DS: What’s your favorite death? 

[laughter]

SH: Yeah, what was your favorite death? 

AN: My favorite was probably, the one that really moved me was Fitzjames, it’s such a fantastic story, his character’s so interesting, that transition, discovering, you know, admitting who you are, and the firework at the Tuunbaq being his feat of courage, and then to end up, to embrace death, and to do it in such a beautiful way. And then the line of “there will be poems” that Mr. Bridgens says. 

[show audio]

[sad, eerie music]

Bridgens (through tears): It was an honor serving you, sir. You’re a good man. There will be poems.

AN: It’s a beautiful death, it’s probably the best you can ask for, in that situation, you’re with a friend. Yeah, it’s quite sad. Of course you gotta love Blanky’s death as well, that’s, I’m cheating, now, yeah, but Blanky’s death is the greatest line to go out on, surely.

[show audio]

[Tuunbaq growling, shales crunching underfoot]

Blanky: What in the name of god took you so fuckin’ long? 

[Tuunbaq snorts, Blanky laughs maniacally] 

DK: We weren’t entirely sure whether AMC was going to permit us to use that word, a curse word, because on AMC you’re not meant to. Luckily for us, there are a number of AMC shows that have a precedent of using that word and we argued successfully that, you know, could you ask for a better show, a better scene than a Victorian disaster show to use the F-word, and they finally allowed us to use it, and we’re really grateful.

SH: I think just visually Bridgens’ death was so beautiful, and that pull out. And what was interesting was in our research found, we discovered, there was a corpse they discovered who had rolled over and was found sleeping on a set of papers, and in the show Bridgens takes Peglar’s diary when he chooses to die out there in the cold alone comforted with his memories, we see him roll over, and so that’s just our nod to history. Now it turns out we don't know whether or not it was actually Peglar’s diary, it could have been Armitage’s--

DK: No, I think we know it’s Peglar’s journal, but we don’t know whether the man lying on top of it was Armitage or Bridgens.

SH: Then there’s Goodsir’s death. Oh my God, Goodsir! I can’t believe Hickey! Adam! Goodsir!

AN: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. He had it comin’!  

[laughter]

AN: I forgot that death, I forgot all of those deaths, actually, what a--so beautifully acted. I mean, unbelievable. It was perfect. The pure clean images of the coral, and the shell, oh I loved it, and the end, I think it’s an orchid, I just loved it, I absolutely--it’s something that I don’t like talking about, that death, it’s really horrible. 

[show audio]

[the rising music from the scene of Goodsir’s death]

DS: They were all very moving in their own way, saying goodbye to each of the characters, surprisingly powerful, you know, some of ‘em were not major characters, but everything connected for me watching your version. When--earlier, when Fitzjames is out with Crozier alone, and Fitzjames sort of acknowledges that he’s a fake, that he’s just been faking this heroism, you know, the admiralty thought they sent a hero, they sent Fitzjames, he was the man of the moment, but he hadn’t done that much, so he had the courage to say that, and Crozier immediately had the compassion to point out, “No, you’re here, now, and you’re doing fine,” that’s not the dialect but that’s the essence of his message. So all through these scenes with the different characters, I found compassion again. [It] was the way Crozier touched men who were close to the end, the tone of his voice, you know, it wasn’t mawkish, he wouldn’t like being at all sentimental, but it was so supportive. It was like Goodsir helping the poor boy at the beginning of the show, telling him how death could be good, how you see light, you cross over. The kid died in terror; some of these people did. But most of ‘em, they’re like--Fitzjames, when he’s, you know, when he finally has to be carried in the sledge, and he has a sense of humor at the end, he can laugh at himself, somewhat, ‘cause he tells Crozier that that the bullet that went through his arm into his chest, that area is now so gangrene--er, rotten, you know, the bullet is finally going to kill him. Haha. 

[polite awkward laughter]

DK: Well you pointed out a line from the first episode, where Fitzjames is talking to Franklin and he says, “Sometimes I think you love your men more than God loves them,” and Franklin's response is “For all your sakes, let’s hope you’re wrong,” and we brought that line back in a different way in episode nine, which is where the survivors of the Terror Camp attack are about to leave, and they know Hickey’s out there somewhere, and Fitzjames’s impulse is to hide or destroy all of their extra supplies so that Hickey’s group can’t benefit from them, and Crozier has the opposite instinct, which is because he knows some people in Hickey’s group probably made that decision because they were afraid that the alternative was worse to stay with Crozier and so many people, that he wants to offer them the resources in case they can use them and in case they wanna make a different decision in the days ahead.

[show audio] 

Fitzjames: And the supplies we cannot carry? If Hickey’s band are waiting us out to loot the camp?

Crozier: Some of the men with them made their choice out of fear, I’ll not take away any chance they have to survive. We may meet them yet again, and if we do, I want them to make a different choice. Leave our supplies in a tidy pile, as an offering. I want the men with Hickey to know that’s how we meant it. 

[shales crunching underfoot]

Fitzjames: More than God loves them...

DK: Lines like that are a real test, I mean, you struggle with them in the editing room. Did we earn that line? Is it important that an audience remembers that as an index point that line has now been sort of superficially applied to one man, but more sincerely applied to another man, and, you know, that goes back to sort of a close reading of the book, Dan, just sort of scouring through your dialogue trying to figure out how does a master, if I can refer to you that way, approach this idea of a relationship with an audience? And we learned an enormous amount from your book about restraint and indirection, and credit, giving the audience credit. And I will say this, the series is different enough from your novel that I would encourage everyone who has seen the television show but not read your book to seek it out, because they will have just as rewarding--even more so, possibly!--a time of learning about this history through the lens of horror than they did watching the show. So I think they complement one another. I hope they do, and I hope people will seek out both. 

DS: That’s kind of you, Dave. My wife keeps track of the tie-in version of the book, and it’s selling very well, so some people are gonna get that. 

SH: There is this fantastic scene that is in your book, that we had neither money nor time to shoot, but it’s where they discover leads, and they take the boats out going around, and they realize they’re just going around in a circle. We didn’t have the time to shoot that and we re-jiggered our narrative so that the leads ended up being a ploy on one of Hickey’s secret mutineers. Nine is a very quiet episode, and in some ways when you, in television shows--did you miss a set piece, in nine? Did anyone miss having a bigger narrative punch?

DS: Well, I'll answer, then let Adam answer, but for me, who had that boat scene and really liked it a lot, I didn’t miss my stuff too much, because what happened was when the young man, a boy actually, who’s secretly under Hickey’s control tells Crozier and the others he sees open water, and they rush to the rocky beach to see it, and of course that was a lie and a ploy to get them there so Hickey can seize them, but my heart just flew, that, “Open water! Ohh boy!” You know? How would men have felt if they’d heard that, in reality, what was their reaction? ‘Cause the open water could conceivably be their savior, they could get other places, not just cross over and start marching through middle Canada, but they could go anywhere on open water, and to see it all locked in with ice was just stunning to me, it was such a disappointment. So no, I don’t miss my part of it very much.

AN: I never thought of it as something that suggests a quiet narrative like you described it, Soo, to me it sort of links--I see nine and ten as one episode, really. It’s this slow build, the creation of that relationship that these two--the antithesis between these two camps, and between the tactics employed... I just think that the way you guys wrote it and put it together is flawless, I just think it’s so beautifully weighted, between, you know, the deaths that to me they don’t seem to just sort of monotonously pile up, they’re all just so beautifully handled and acted. And the whole time you have this tension building, slowly, slowly, that, you know, that it’s gonna come to a head. I didn’t feel when I watched it that it ever lacked punch. It had such clarity and such patience that made it really beautiful.

DS: And I don’t know if we can say the C-word on podcasts… cannibalism? 

[laughter]

DK: Yes, that one we can. 

SH: Yes.

DS: Oh, ok. You know there was a--if Hickey hadn’t already divided the troop into his people, the anointed, and then Crozier’s group, it would have happened anyway because of the cannibalism. And when you think about it, think of that rugby team or soccer team or whatever that crashed in the Andes. They went back into society. They were cannibals, they admitted it, they got a book deal. And so, presumably, even in England, these people would have been forgiven, or they would have kept it secret like some do. So cannibalism, what it did in this show, I think, divides the people. I didn’t see, until he was forced to imbibe in cannibalism, I didn't see Crozier even considering it. And so that fascinates me, just how far people will go to survive. 

[show audio]

[tense music, tent canvas flapping in the wind]

EC: I’ll give you some advice. Don’t indulge your morals over your practicals. Not now. Don’t you also wanna live? 

SH: Dave, we talked a lot about this, is when you’re in that moment, you’re not Dave Kajganich and I’m not Soo Hugh, in that moment, choosing whether or not we decide to eat someone. Something else will take over, whether it is the Goodsir in us or whether it is the Hickey in us, in that moment. I think that’s why when we shot that scene, you know, after Gibson is cut up, Adam, remember when we shot the reaction shots from each one of you eating your first bite of human flesh meat, and we took so much footage, we shot so much. We shot, you know, closes, mediums, just because Dave and I, you know, at that point, we were very confident of how to shoot everything, that was probably the moment when we were like ugh.

DK: Well we wanted to know how little we could get away with, and what we found, of course, which is typical for the show, the performances were so terrific, that we didn’t need very much. And I remember on the mix stage, the first mix that they did of the show, of that episode, I mean, there was quite a lot of chewing.

[laughter]

And so when I said, no no no, let’s pull all of that out, and use the most minute changes in expression, because all of you at that table were so well in character, that even the slightest muscle movement on your face communicated everything we needed you to. And we were obviously very interested in not overplaying that scene, knowing that audiences had been waiting for it, wondering how, in what kind of taste we would show it, you know, how we would modulate it, and you know a rule throughout the show was to try to present everything with its most practical face, including this. And so, you know, hopefully when that lands for people it will be both satisfying in the sense that they will understand how these characters made that decision but it won’t feel that we have over-articulated it, somehow. 

DS: I’m not religious, but I’m obsessed with religion, and in your story, the way you structured it, you have, in a sense, we’ve already talked, or at least I have, about how Hickey seems to be evolving towards Messiahdom, I think he near the end he thinks he is the Messiah, but it’s Goodsir who provides The Last Supper. How much more powerful a story of Christ is there, than, you know, “Take, eat,” and it’s yourself? And it’s fascinating to me that the man who dedicated his life to helping people and curing people and being empathic at their ending, his last act is to kill as many of Hickey’s people as possible. And, you know, so there’s--that’s where the trial was, it wasn’t when Hickey was gonna be hanged, it was inside Dr. Goodsir when he decided that “These people need to end and I will do it.” 

SH: So should we talk about the big scene at the end--well, it’s not the end, it’s the Tuunbaq sequence in 1.10? 

DK: To set it up, Adam, you know, Hickey--we’ll keep calling him Hickey even though we’ve established he isn’t--you get an important piece of information in episode nine where Tozer, Sergeant Tozer, relays to you a piece of information that he hasn’t shared with anyone, that he watched Collins be killed and he watched Collins’s soul be pulled out of his body. And, you know, for Hickey, suddenly a lot of things make sense. What happened to Private Heather, who was alive for many episodes but no longer sort of present in his body, I mean you even have a scene where you poke his brain hoping to get some kind of reaction out of him, and you take that piece of information and you suddenly realize you’re not longer in a kind of survival story, you’re in kind of a spiritual story, you’re in kind of a mythological story, suddenly. Can you talk about how you decided to play that so it was sort of clear to an audience what that opportunity was? Because we did not devote a lot of dialogue to it, it was going to have to be something an audience felt as much as was described to them. 

AN: I can only describe the way that it--the process--the mind of it, that, you know, you see Hickey has a plan, up until that point, he’s started--the way that I thought about it was that, you know, once he starts to hear things, he starts to have this space of this area, creates this space in his mind and he understands the things that have come before him and his curiosity leads him to, you know--one element in him is still practically engaged in survival, and outmaneuvering the captain, and heading south, and coming up with a plan and, you know, a story as to what happened, but then there are other elements of, you know, consuming human flesh, that there might be an answer there, it might be an enlightening experience. And if it’s not in that, is it something else? And he finds the hill, and he understands when he sees that hill, that he hears something, and then he’s not quite clear on what it is, what’s drawing him, and what’s talking to him, and what he’s feeling, but he’s becoming one with this realm, and, you know, he starts to, once he discovers the supernatural element--not that he hasn’t already established that there is one, but the fact that it’s such a specific--he’s been developing his knowledge of the summoning song that Lady Silence sings to become a Shaman, you know, the rules of this particular realm, this empire. And he’s been gathering this information as we go along, all the way through the series he’s been taking pieces of information, and he pockets it and learns and keeps it for later.

[show audio]

[mysterious music]

Hickey: Tuunbaq… a spirit that dresses as an animal, and yet we shot it with a cannon and drew blood. How do you reconcile that?

Crozier: I can’t. There’s much about this voyage I can’t reconcile. 

Hickey: What mythology is this creature at the center of?

Crozier: About the creature I have no answers, Mr. Hickey. We were not meant to know of it. 

AN: And when he gets this key piece of the puzzle, that the Tuunbaq is taking souls, and that... there’s a hierarchy of what the Tuunbaq wants to eat. You know, a captain, and important people, he realizes that he really is the center of this universe. I suppose the way that I adjusted it was that everybody else became irrelevant. Completely irrelevant. I no longer needed to worry about manipulation, control, fear. Everything was gonna sing for me, everything was gonna work as if I had magic hands, and my voice just dictated what the universe would do.

[show audio]

[mysterious music continued]

Hickey: I didn’t have anywhere near an equal on this expedition. But you. I wanted to thank you for that. On the eve of what is quite an important day. 

AN: Every single conversation was an annoyance because it was getting in the way of me listening to the universe, this world, this empire, this realm that was now speaking to me. And I was talking to the Tuunbaq, you know, from this distance, and we had this dance going, and everything that happened was just getting in my way. It was all gonna work itself out because I’ve been chosen to ascend, to reach this ascension, to, you know, ride the Tuunbaq into my new empire, to take my new throne, and I was finally gonna be given the answers to these questions that I’d been asking.

[show audio]

[rushing wind, men singing weakly in the background, creaking]

Hickey (shouting): Bugger Nelson! Bugger Jesus! Bugger Joseph and Mary! Bugger the Archbishop of Canterbury! None ever wanted nothing from me! 

SH: When you offer the Tuunbaq the tongue, and there’s that pause, what’s gonna happen, and he bites your arm off instead, and that look on your face of just, you know, “You too have failed me.”

DS: Et tu?

[laughter] 

“Et tu, Tuunbaq?”

[laughter]

AN: “Et tu, Tuunbaq,” that’s a great T-shirt. But that scene, I drifted, but that scene in particular, is a slight difference to what his plan was, which was to climb the hill, sacrifice the men, sacrifice the tongue, and to become one with the Tuunbaq and to take my place on the throne in this new realm. And to find the answers and maybe, you know, climb through to a different realm, or who knows what. This empire was now my empire, which was the culmination of all of Hickey through his entire life has been leading to this point, and he’s quietened himself enough to hear it, and then suddenly he gets sick, because somebody poisons him. And so it’s a slightly different feeling, as he’s climbing the hill, and it’s a different--something else is happening inside him. He’s still perfectly capable of executing his plan, he gets carried away in that scene, and then by the time the Tuunbaq appears, he kind of focuses again, and becomes very excited. It’s a relationship with the Tuunbaq, it’s a dance, that everything is for him and the Tuunbaq. Everyone else is irrelevant. 

[show audio]

[Tuunbaq snuffling, boat chain clanking]

[the Tuunbaq roars, sound of chomping flesh, then the screeching sound of the soul being eaten]

SH: And what he gets so wrong about the Tuunbaq, and I think what a lot of the Western characters in our show get wrong about the Tuunbaq, is that the Tuunbaq is not a deity, the Tuunbaq doesn’t ask to be a god, right? All it is is just this arbiter of what is good or what is not good for the land, you know, there’s no sense of the Tuunbaq wanting to be the ultimate creative force here, and I think that’s where Hickey was wrong, right?

AN: I think he sees it as a supernatural creature, and again, because everything comes through him, and the universe revolves around him, that it’s a challenge for him, it’s a question for him, and he deals a lot in questions as opposed to answers, and what his position is in the universe, and by the time he meets this creature that eats souls--and the creature’s sick, and it’s because he hasn’t united with it yet! It’s because of me that it’s sick, it hasn’t, I haven’t been in contact with it, and we haven’t united ourselves and taken over this empire, and he doesn’t see it for what it is. SH: And when you guys see the Tuunbaq’s death in the very end of that sequence, how did you guys feel?

DS: Speaking for the novelist here, I was surprised; and then I got through the surprise and thought yeah. And then I immediately wondered how Lady Silence would have to pay for this death, ‘cause you’d already shown me that she’s in charge of protecting the Tuunbaq, so it was controlling it in some way, and she wasn’t really up to the task, so I liked that in going, when Crozier’s with the Inuit band, learning that she’s been punished and sent out by herself. But the Tuunbaq’s death itself just seemed right at that time. 

[show audio]

[Tuunbaq’s death scene--growling noises, boat chain clinking, Crozier struggling] 

AN: It was a horrible thing to watch, as a viewer, it was so sad, and it spoke to me of this sort of contemporary sort of--to me it was sort of a global warming issue, not to bring it ‘round, but it was sort of like, that’s it, they’ve killed it. 

SH: No, absolutely, yeah! 

AN: They’ve killed it, they’ve killed the Tuunbaq and we’re actually rejoicing at Crozier’s survival. But really, the man deserves death, with the creature that creates balance to this culture should be alive. And we have this upside down world that we are celebrating, which is so, you know, intelligent of you guys to create, and it’s difficult to take, but that creature is gone, and so balance is gone, and here we are. 

DK: The very specific and subtle thing that we put in the show that probably no will decode it ‘til they hear this podcast, but was important to us as a structural element, was Sir John dies, when he’s killed down the fire hole in episode three, he has some flashes of subjective kinds of hallucinations, I suppose, or visions, I don’t know what you would call them. But one of them is of open water, it’s just a vista of the future of the Arctic, that there are going to be these, you know, that there’s going to be a huge melt, and there’s going to be all this open water. And for the final shot we tried to match, as much as we could, the angle, so that all of that frozen water that Crozier is sitting on at that seal hole would maybe possibly evoke that memory, to speak to what you’re saying, Adam, which is that this whole thing is a kind of, from the Netsilik’s point of view, it’s a huge tragedy in which these Europeans are the terrors, in a way. And not to be too reductive about it, but, you know, we wanted the season to have that kind of change of polarity, which is one reason why we couldn’t quite use the sort of the ending of the book, as much as we loved it, Dan, it felt like a lot of things that would feel--that would pull the point of view of the season across that line too much and too late. We wanted to try to modulate it a little bit so that every episode felt like you were giving some room in your point of view for Lady Silence’s perspective, or the Inuit’s perspective, and that that change would sort of happen so slowly you might not even notice that it was happening at all, which is one reason why we made that decision. 

DS: You gave every character I saw room to have his or her own apotheosis, which is a big theme with you guys, I meant, the arcs end and people becoming someone else. Crozier grows into his leadership, I think, beautifully. Maybe he deserved punishment, but I found Crozier and his empathy, as Fitzjames is dying in the boat, it’s Crozier that touches him and lets him know, you know, through physical contact, that he’s not alone. And giving them room is unusual. I just find there’s so many unusual elements to what you three have created, that, I have to warn you, I think it deserves a lot of intelligent attention.

DK: Well I hope we can volley a lot of those right back to the book, Dan. Well we should take some time at the end to--given that after the sequence, this really becomes almost a kind of silent film to deliver the ending to Crozier’s arc--to really sing the praises of Jared Harris in this show, I mean, what he did with this role is remarkable. So, Dan, I would love to know what you thought of Jared Harris’s Francis Crozier? 

DS: After watching the ten episodes of him and all those, and watching what he did with it, I just wanted him to adopt me. 

[laughter]

SH: He would love that! 

DS: But it certainly--leading is the operative word, isn’t it? He just, he didn’t give 100 or 1000 percent, he gave more than that to the character. He became Crozier for me. I’m the one who had to dream up the man, and see what he looked like, and write about him for about 1100 pages, 700 finally in type, and so I had my Crozier, he was pretty solid. But now Jared Harris is Crozier. There’s no doubt in my mind.

DK: The ending of the season is quite different from the ending of the book, Dan, how did you feel watching the ending of the show, and, in all candor, do you feel that it was satisfying? Do you feel that it was at least a good companion piece for the ending of the book? 

DS: Well I’m glad I didn't video record my reaction the first time I saw the different ending, because speaking for two million readers I stood up and shouted, “What's wrong with my ending!”

[laughter]

“Is it chopped liver?” And I realized it would be. I realized that I don’t think you could have taken my ending and made it a sensible finale visually in the way it went. So I tracked--the whole episodes, the last two episodes, were enlightenment to me, because I’m just a viewer now, I’m watching something I didn’t create, these are not my ideas, so I sat back and enjoyed it, as horrible as they were. So when I watch your ending, the only thing I was bothered by was I’m sentimental. And the real Crozier, I believe, and certainly the fictional Crozier that we’ve all created, was so lonely, he was so alone in life, I think he was less alone than Crozier was, and, you know, rejected by Franklin’s niece several times from marriage, a life where he really felt rejection, probably more than Hickey did, and at the end I wanted him to be with someone. So as much as I liked your ending and I really thought it was proper and appropriate for the series, I woulda put a person next to him as he’s fishing out there in, you know, in his Inuit outfit at night waiting by a seal--he’s not fishing, he’s waiting by a seal breathing hole to kill it. So if I’d seen a glimpse of two of them, you wouldn’t even need to see their faces, you know, the sentimental side of me woulda been happy.

SH: But we leave that ambiguous in the ending, in terms of he’s not with Lady Silence, she, you know, had to pay the bill in some ways for the loss of the Tuunbaq and her destiny is to venture forth alone, and in some ways her storyline is the most tragic of all the characters in our show because, I mean, the price she paid is so harsh. But in terms of the last shot, which Dave and I just knew from pretty early on that was gonna be our last shot, and it felt right. We don’t know much about Crozier’s biography, you know? For all we know that child could be his, it may not. We actually didn’t want to fill in too much of the coloring book at that point. It’s up to the audience to describe whether or not that last shot is--it’s interesting ‘cause we had this big argument, lovely argument in the color suite, the grading suite, of how we grade that last shot. Whether we grade it bright and sunny to be optimistic, or we grade it with a lot of contrast and stamp down a lot of the light to make it seem that, you know, there’s a sense--a harshness, to this reality. And in some ways we split the middle, so the audience can decide whether or not the life Crozier has at the end is one of punishment, reckoning, or whether or not he will move on and have something different.

DK: And I think something in that final shot that certainly we couldn’t have planned, that tipped things in a warmer direction was the child that plays that boy in the shot, who’s meant to be sleeping against Crozier as he’s waiting at the seal hole, really fell asleep because he was wrapped up in fur, and Jared’s a very welcoming person, and he fell asleep. And in the middle of that shot he twitches in his sleep, like children do. And I think that if you catch that it’s quite undeniably a warm moment. You don’t know whether that’s Crozier’s son, whether that’s just a friend’s son, someone he’s taking care of, but you do get a sense that there is a community and that it’s a warm one, even though that life will be difficult and he will occupy no position of leadership in that world, he will be--you know, he’s missing a hand at that point, it’s going to be a rough rough road ahead of him, but we decided to sort of be as ambiguous as we could but for that child who twitches in his sleep, which we just loved that, that that’s a part of that final shot of the show.

DS: Now you’ve made me wanna go back watch that scene about ten times. I think you did at the ending essentially what you chose to do throughout the series, which is to trust in the intelligence and the sensibilities of the audience. So in that sense I like it a lot, but I admire it too. It just, I’m just sentimental, I just want Crozier finally to find somebody.

[show audio]

[”The Gates of Paradise” by Robert Fripp, which is the music from that aforementioned final scene of Crozier and the little boy asleep at the seal hole, plays] 

SH: And with episode ten, the story of the Franklin Expedition on AMC is completed. And Dave, you’ve been working on this project now for ten or twelve years, I’ve been on it for two and a half years, Adam you’ve been on this journey for a long time, Dan you’ve probably been--how long has it been for you?

DS: Oh, since about 1994!

SH: Yeah, wow. I mean, what is it about this story that means it’s hard to let go? Even now I feel like there’s a grieving process that I feel like I have.

DS: I know why it’s hard to let go. You created real people, you did something that is incredibly rare I think, for any media, movies, series, anything. They’re real people, and when they suffer the viewer suffers with them. When they try to fight back and survive, that’s the viewer’s impression, and we’re sorry to see each one of them go, including Hickey. So, I think there’s a success in what you set out to do. 

SH: We’re just so thrilled that, you know, you gave us the trust to do your book but also that you love it! We were so nervous that you would hate this adaptation!

[laughter]

DK: Well and now what’s amazing is we all get to sort of take a seat in the theater of real history playing out again, now that they’ve discovered the ships. You know, we’ve been told by Parks Canada and by people we’ve met who are actively on the archeological expeditions now, dives to the ships, that there is a chance that they will find a ship’s log, and that all of the questions that have come up and perplexed us and preoccupied us and fascinated us in the researching of both the writing of the novel and the creating of the television show, that those questions may have answers soon. And so now we are all now back in that position of being riveted by this actual history. And what a treat it will be to have a conversation in a year when we have learned hopefully much more about what actually happened on this expedition. 

[“The Gates of Paradise” begins playing again softly in the background]

DS: If I were on the expedition ship and found the log, the diaries, everything, I would hide them.

[laughter]

DK: Agreed.

AN: Yep, absolutely. 

DS: I mean we’ve all done a lot of work here, who cares about reality? 

[laughter]

DK: Well thank you, Adam, thank you Dan, for joining us, Soo and I have had a fantastic time having this extended conversation that hopefully is interesting to people who have watched and appreciated the show. So thank you for the opportunity to do it, it’s been fantastic to talk to you both, and onwards we go, into the future!

SH: Onwards ho!

DS: Onward.

AN: Onward. Thank you so much guys, it’s been a pleasure.

DK: Thank you, and thank you for everyone who’ve watched the show and thank you for everyone who’ve read the novel, and we can’t wait to hear your feedback!

[“The Gates of Paradise” fades out]

[ikassienatics]

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐥 ↬ 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐩.

summary: half the population survived the blip and that includes peter your boyfriend, while the other half was erased from existence just like you. five years later, the snap was reversed but the world you once lived in changes

warnings: angst but not really, mj being a really cool bad bitch, life lessons from michelle jones, peter moving on, endgame spoilers? but i know you've seen the masterpiece already, mj cursing a lot like a lot.

author’s note: y’all it’s been soo long since i wrote something and this idea popped inside my mind while watching infinity war for the hundredth time, and i just can’t help myself!!!! though to warn y’all, i’m actually not that proud with the outcome of this one, it felt like something is not right, like something is missing or whatnot. and if there’s probably a fic i wrote in which i disliked, this will be it.

a handsome god trying to invade new york is bullshit, a malfunctioned artifical intelligence trying to take over the world is too much. but a purple alien named thanos erasing half the population in your planet is full of shit. the world is a crazy place indeed, you thought you guys have enough, that everything is being handled with care, for fuck’s sake earth has avengers. but turns out, even the earth’s mightiest heroes can’t stop nor survive the snap.

everything happened so fast, one second every student in your university is standing happily inside the gymnasium as they awaited the announcement about the upcoming ball, then the speaker suddenly turned into dust, she fades away like she was nothing, like a bubble, turned into ash. then everyone panicked including you, you just saw a person turned into dust before your eyes, of course you will panic

then you stood up from your seat, taking your boyfriend peter with you as you both decided to run for the exit, then it happened to everyone too. they also started turning dust

then it was your turn.

you didn't really know how it was your turn, you just sensed it that you will fade away just like them, so you did what common teenagers would do. you clung in your boyfriend once you felt the tingling sensation inside your body. it was a scary feeling, and for some reasons the numb pain started fading away, like it find some way to connect with your brain to tell it that there's nothing wrong when technically, everything is wrong. like it was convincing your mind that you don't feel anything. you have never been scared like that before

peter was by your side when that happened, holding you tightly on his arms as if he's trying to stop you from leaving. but nothing stopped the snap, no one manage to stop the blip. not even the earth's mightiest heroes.

and now you're back, sitting alone on the bench with no peter by your side, you stood up from the bench seeing mj looking at her hands weirdly, only half the students inside the gym remains and the speaker on the front, the other half? your peter? they're not here.

rushing towards the tan lady, you approach her with your hear beating faster "mj!" she look up from her hands, eyebrows furrowed and seemingly as confuse as you are

"y/n?" she stood up before you can even reach her sit "what the fuck just happened?" she look around as well, everyone started reaching for their devices, calling their family to make sure they're safe and okay, some even rush towards the exit while some started crying

"i have no idea." you pursed your lips, you and mj are never close. you always get insecure because of the tall girl, thinking that she may have a thing for peter but she always assure you that she don't date boys, she prefer girls. so standing in front of her, let alone talking to her is still awkward for you, but there's no time for that

"did you just came back as well?" she asked you, reaching for her bag and hanging it around her shoulder, you nodded your head "i was actually wondering where peter was. . ." your eyes widen, she might think you don't care about anything but peter, or maybe she will think your ignorant because even after what happened, even if there's a lot to be concern about, you still ask for your boyfriend first "i mean, everyone, i was wondering where half of the students are."

"yeah, me neither." she grabbed her phone from inside her bag, planning to text her parents just like everybody else when she suddenly caught a glimpse of the date on her lockscreen "oh shit!"

your eyes widen "what? what is it?" even though you two were never close and you felt like overstepping a line, putting your nose in her business. you can't help but get curioused because of the expression written all over her face

"what the fuck is this." she showed you her phone and there you saw a 2023 instead of 2019, your eyes also widen in realization reaching for your phone as well and seeing the same thing in your lock screen, you even saw a couple of text and calls from your parents and friends five years ago

five years ago

what the fuck

you licked your lips, about to call your mom when you heard someone speak from behind you and mj "y/n?" the voice is familiar, turning on your heels, you came in contact with a person no other than ned leeds, one of peter's friends.

mj also turn her head making ned switch his eyes from you to her "mj?" he asks, still can't believe what he's seeing. ned changes a lot even after just five minutes, he grew a beard, his hair looks so fresh from hair cut and his body is more lean than before, he looks older. weird

"ned! oh my god." you run towards him, jumping in his arms and hugging him tightly, he did the same closing his eyes in the process and praying that this is not a dream, not anymore, no. this has to be real, everyone has to come back, this has to be the reality.

"hey, man!" mj nodded her head at the man in front fo you, he still looks confuse but not as confuse as the pair "what happened here?"

his eyebrows furrowed "you don't know?" the way he said those words made your heart clench, what really is happening? and where's peter? if ned is here, then peter must be somewhere near, knowing that guy. him and ned are usually always together, even in your dates ned has to tag along, not that you mind. you enjoyed it most of the time

"what? what do you mean?" you look back at mj "we just came back, what happened? why do you look older? did you just came back as well?" you bombared him with question

he shakes his head "no, half of the population survived." your eyes widen, then if half the population survived, does that mean peter survive as well? or maye he's also part of the snap? but where is he. you look back at your seat not long ago, expecting your partner to pop our of nowhere. but there's none, no peter.

"while the other half fade away?" mj continued or more like, asked.

"y-yeah." he nodded "it's been five years." so that's why it's year 2023 and not 2019? but how, how could it happened? why? who did this? you can't help bur ask yourself

"yeah, that answers our question." the curly brunette beside you spoke, referring to what you both just witness a while ago. biting your lip, you fidget with your fingers as you find the right time to ask him a question

"what are you doing here if it's been five years?" you questioned

"i helped my cousin get enrolled, then everyone just. . . just started to come back and i think of going here to see if both of you came back as well." he answers softly

you slightly smiled at him "w-where's. . . where's peter?" you saw how ned's body froze, how almost all the blood in his face dissapeared by your question, like he's suddenly afraid of something. his happy and chill personality faded just like the snap

"p-peter? y-yeah uhm." he clears his throat, you look down on his fingers and unexpectedly saw a ring in one of them

"you're married?" both you and mj said in unison, he look down on his hands as well before nodding

"yeah, betty and i you know. we made it work, aftee graduating i decided to take our relationship in another level." his eyes sparkles with joy as he tells you the news "she's. she's actually pregnant, two months."

"congratulations." you and mj both said

"and peter, uhm. he now lives in, he no longer lives with aunt may and he also. . . he's not an avenger anymore." you saw how ned had a hard time on telling you what he knows, the ned you knew not long ago is gone, ned usually knows how to compose himself immideately and maybe that's one of the reasons why him and peter fits each other perfectly, your boyfriend is an akward person, a weird one and he always stumble upon his words, while ned is more composed and often helped him.

"wait, what?" michelle gasp

while you stayed still, confusion erupts in your mind. how did it happened? why did peter left the avengers? he always love helping people, finding comfort in swinging around queens and fighting for those who cannot fight, and being an avenger? it's his dream, so why would he turn his back on a life he always wanted to have?

at this moment, you felt like you never knew peter anymore, or ned, he changes so much and you wish peter is still the same after five years even though you know it's impossible, many things can happen in those years, many things can change.

"yeah, after. you know, he got anxiety after the blip, he really had a hard time with keeping up so, uhm. yeah."

"wait, i don't understand a single thing." mj speak once again, trying to make the situation clear

you saw how ned gulped, as if he's about to spill the biggest tea there is "he just, shit happens. you know? and people change, how they see life, their perspective and peter. well, peter. he, he change. he's grown up now."

"like, how grown up?" did he move on?

"i can't tell you that, i'm sorry but he lives in." then he started tellng you the adress which you gladly wrote down on your phone with shaking fingers, imagining how peter would seeing you after five years, would he be happy, sad? or maybe he moved on?

god you don't want to think about it, peter moving on from his relationship with you? can that really happen? can peter really do that to you? no, no. peter won't do that, maybe ned is right. he changed but he's still peter, you refuse to believe that peter forgot about you, that he replaced you after being a part of the blip, because if tables have turned? if peter is the one who has been snapped and you're the one who survived? you don't think you can forget him or move on.

the trio was about to continue keeping up, but ned's phone started to ring and you saw a picture of a woman on the screen "sorry, wife calling." he turn his back on you quickly answering the phone while you and mj just nodded your head, giving him a chance to answer the line

"i always knew peter is a freak." she whispered beside you, trying to make the mood better as she started to see the doubt in your eyes "but a grown man? come on, just because he grow up and finally became a man doesn't mean he has to forget stuffs, you know?"

you slightly smile at her, nodding your head in agreement "you're right."

"anyways, i got to call my dad. you call your family too, they must be worried and confused. all this shit is probably all overt the news by now."

***

two days passed after you came back from the blip, everything you thought you knew? gone. it's like you never existed in the first place and you had a hard time keeping up, keeping up with the world you once knew. your parents on the other hand, they are more understanding than ever, letting you stay lock up in your room so you can think but occasionally asking you if you want to go on a family vacation but you told them you have to fix yourself first. your parents reaction when you came back is priceless especially your mom, she almost didn't want to let you go after embracing you if it weren't for your dad and you saw the longing in their eyes.

of course, their only daughter went missing five years ago then came back as if nothing happened.

you tried to read as many newspaper as you could, news from the last five years, trying to blend in once again. you felt sick thinking about the new society you are now stepping on. but even after those things, you have mj with you and you two became close, facetime here, facetime there. helping each other stood back up from their feet.

two days later, that's when you decided to visit peter, two days of dreaming about the guy, imagining what his reaction would be if you showed up in his door step, and a part of you wished you didn't came back after what you saw, after what you learned.

the house that ned told you was huge, it's white and there's a mailbox standing outside with a name 'parker' in it, it's more like a family house, a car on the garage and a small bike right beside it, a small bike? why does peter have a small bike on his house?

and if you weren't that stupid, you're going to be able to put the pieces together, the bike, the house, the mailbox, ned seeming like he's nervous about something. it all made sense especially when you knock on the door and it was opened by the one and only liz allen. the small bump on her stomach also didn't go unnoticable by you, and the small boy running around from the inside looking like you're boyfriend? yeah, fuck. you get it. he moved on, what else can you do?

nonetheless, she invited you in and you could have said no, but you didn't. there's a lot of question you want to ask peter, why? and how? but you're not going to blame him because of the decision he made. you fully understand it, that maybe his feelings for liz didn't really fade away just like he told you when you two started dating, or maybe he forgot about you. five years is a long road

and that's how you saw yourself inside the kitchen with peter sitting in front of you, the house smelled like home, like love, like family. his family, her family. liz was upstairs trying to give the both of you a time to talk while their son went out to play with some kids outside.

"you're married?" you asked, although it's obvious. you still want it to come out from his mouth. your voice came out like a whisper but you know he heard it, he only nodded his head in response, not knowing what else to say.

"you left me for her." you said once again

and that's when he spoke back "i didn't left you, you left me." his voice is deeper than before, more manly and he didn't stumble upon his words just like before, he looks like be know exactly what he's doing, what he's saying.

he's not the peter you once knew anymore, just like everybody else.

"are you blaming me for what happened?" you whispered shouted, not wanting liz to hear your conversation even though you know that peter will tell her later once you got out

"i'm not blaming anything on you, i'm just trying to explain that i'm not the one who fades away to dust, who left me with nothing for five years. what do you expect me to do?"

"i expect you to wait for me, i came back didn't i?" you saw how your vision started to get blurry, telling you that any time soon a tears will fell from your eyes.

"i waited for you but i lose hope."

"how could you do this to me?" and that's when a single tear drop from your eyes, then another. but you didn't do anything to stop it

"how could i? can you put yourself in my position for once? i was left with nothing for the past five years! i have nothing, tony was a part of the snap, may and i fell apart because all this shit! and liz? she's just, she's there with me. she stood by my side during those times and neither of us can't help it." and if your heart broke after finding out that peter moved on, now it's being shredded to pieces especially after what he just told you

"you find comfort in another woman."

"don't pretend like you will do this differently if i were the one who got snapped." you drop your palms on the table causing it to make a loud thump

"don't you there turn the tables, because if i were the one who survived and you're the one who does not. i will still wait for you no matter how fucked up everything is." you said angrily "did you ever loved me? or did you just used me to get over her? to make her jealous?"

"don't fucking change the subject." that's the first time he ever cursed in front of you, in those eight months of you two dating, no matter the situation, he never cursed or yell at you. yeah you fight often times but it didn't come this far, no yelling, no cursing, just a calm fight.

you wanted to be selfish, to steal peter away from liz just like how she teal him away from you. but you couldn't, you can't even think about it. you don't want to be the person, the woman who stole their dad away from them, you don't want their child to grew up without a dad, to grew up longing for a father.

"look, i know it's hard but believe me or not. i loved you." he said softly this time "but i have a family now, a family to take care of, a children to look after and none of this can bring back the past, none of this can bring both of us together just like before. you have to understand the situation that none of this is inevitable, maybe we're not meant for each other, maybe this is meant to happened, what matters right now is you're back and i have the family i always wanted, maybe not with you. but i'm happy now."

he held your hands from the table, soothing it gently to calm you down "i loved you, and i still do until now but not as much as i love her."

"you don't know how many men will kill just to be with you, you deserve beter and i wish you all the happiness in this world." he added, you look down on his hands, biting your shaking lips as you refuse to believe everything he told you

everything is just too much, it happened so fast. that your brain could not even keep up, but you have to accept the truth, the truth that the both of you are no longer the couple you were used to be. that he moved on and you must do the same

***

you lay down, facing the ceiling before sighing. even after two weeks, fourteen days, even after all those minutes passed you can't seem to get used to the world you were in right now. you're starting to drift away from your parents, not liking to go out and instead you prefer to self isolate yourself inside your room. but no one can blame you for your actions, it's hard. keeping up with everything, it's hard facing complicated things like this especially because peter is not by your side unlike before.

and for once, you just wanted to. . . you just want everything to stop for a while. everything, just. just to give you time to understand

if only it weren't for the snap, or what everyone prefer to call that 'thing'. if it weren't for that, then maybe you already graduated by now, maybe you're the one who's married with peter instead of liz. maybe

"i thought that if i acted like it didn't matter. it wouldn't." you said, eyes still focused on the ceiling as you tried to think about everything that had happened in the past ever since you came back from the ash

mj, who's quietly reading a book on the sofa inside your room decided to join you in your comfy bed, laying beside you and facing the white and boring ceiling as well. unlike you, mj asked for help. she started seeing a therapist to help her get better and to guide her in this journey where she's trying to fit in once again.

but you? you prefer to be alone no matter how many times your parents tried to talk to you or asked you if you need help, even if they kept their arms open for you, even if every person who survived the snap kept their arms wide open for those who didn't. you can't bring yourself to do it, to ask for help like mj. unlike you, mj handled all the problems like a champion, you never see any discomfort in her eyes ever since you came back. yeah maybe the first day, you saw how scared she was but now? she's getting better while you felt like you're getting worse.

you drift away from your parents, never answered or check your phone, you completely shut down peter and liz no matter how many times they tried to invite you like when their son celebrated his birth day. but you see yourself getting closer to mj

which is. weird

you never see it coming,

you never see any of this coming.

"it's okay not to be okay, you know?" she mumbled from beside you. closing her book and fixing her eyeglasses

"shit happens, we get sad, stress, depress, you name it. and that's okay, that's normal. everybody felt that too." she added

from the ceiling, you turn your body to face her before asking her a question "how did you do it?" she seemed taken a back but manages to compose herself right away

putting her other hands behind her head, she licked her lips before answering your question "how did i do it? i didn't do no such thing." it was a whisper, but because of the silence evaporating inside your room you manage to hear every letter that came out of her mouth

"i was scared, afraid after all this shit you know? and it made me think that feeling those things, that self isolating myself or being sad or what the fuck will not make anything better." she told you "like, if i cry in my room because i felt left out, will that make anything better? no right? if i stay in my room and get so emotional, will that bring back the past? will the pain bring back everything? no, that's why instead of being like the others, instead of following what i feel, instead of letting my fear take over. i just told them to fuck off, i go out, tried understanding the world more, have fun, be with my loved ones, forget the fact that i became an ash. because no matter how sad you feel, or how depress you've become. the world will not stop spinning for you, and because of that. might as well as spin with the world, you know what i'm saying?"

from her laying position, mj sat up completely facing you and holding your hand in hers "i know you're having a hard time, we all are. but don't forget that you're not alone in this. you don't have to be, you don't have to face all this shit alone because i'm here for you, your parents, your friends, peter. maybe not in the way you want him to be, but all of us will be here for you." she said sincerely

"i know it's tough, and it's probably much more harder in your case because of peter. but things aren't always going to be there, you know? nothing is permanent. i can't be sitting here with you forever because i have to go home or else my dad will probably burst out." you laughed at her humor "but i'm serious, sometimes everything is not meant to be that way. and i think that's what makes life special, nothing is permanent, because of that life teaches us how to cherish every moment."

"avengers fought with their dying breath just to give us a second chance, and i'm glad they did. we were all given a second chance to live in this world and i don't want to waste that."

that's when you realized how lucky you are, she's right. you were given a second chance, a second chance to live, to be happy. avengers bled for this, for all of you to return. you should live your life to the fullest, and that's what you're about to do

peter is one of the best things that ever happened to you, maybe he's not with you until the end but at least you manage to be with him and to feel the love from spiderman in the past.

maybe in some other life, in a distant universe, in an unknown world, in a small city, you and peter have your little love story going on, and you both are living there your happily ever after.

disclaimer: all publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. the original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. the author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

[shnowbilicat]

Why Overwatch 2 will be just fine

Before we begin I wanna say that all of this are my own perspectives and thoughts, so take it with a grain of salt ... but tbh yall should sit down and chill until the game drops, kay? Kay.

Soo, there was another OW2 livestream not so long ago and people started freaking out and boycotting the devs. Why? 5v5 and there will be only one tank now.

I'm hearing left and right how much of a problem this will be and I can't stop getting annoyed about the fact that people really are SO upset that there will be no 'off tank' in their games and how the devs 'refuse to balance their game' instead and how there will be smurfing and- you get the point.

Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm not into the 'meta' cuz my competitive rank is a 'metal' one, OR MAYBE I'm just this guy who says 'it just game, why u have to be mad??'.

I personally really look forward to OW2, mostly for the PvE part of the game as it sounds so massive and seeing how much they've done with the very first mission they've shown us and the fact that we can level up our heroes and equip unique abilities just makes me giggle and excited about the final release and future events and updates!

So many cutscenes, so many new animations and skins, so many new maps to play X33

And 5v5?? I'm looking forward to that too!

No, for real, one tank does not make or break anything for me, mostly for one single tiny reason alone.

A Tank is still a Tank.

I dunno if you ever played other games where there are Tank, DPS and Healing roles, like LoL, Dota, heck even Pokémon and Fire Emblem.

Tank roles have one single purpose; be the literal meat shield for their team.

I dunno about you, but I've never played a Tank in my life that wasn't completely about taking the attention from my squishies and jump in to protect them. And according to my ranking I'm a Tank main, sure my highest Rank is Platinium, but just because I don't grind my way up like any other madmen.

Tanks are SUPPOSED to be in the front lines taking the damage, making a way through the crowd, mess up the other team's formation. I also believe I'm not the end all be all for my squishies, I trust in them that they can protect themselves when I go in for a kill, which they can with their several abilities like a sleeping dart, climbing walls or building up a wall to hide behind.

Here we have Pro Tank players freaking out and complaining that 'they lack a tank' that there won't be any strategy involved cuz they are missing another meat shield that has their back etc. etc.

Again, I'm just a noob playing my Quickplay and Arcade games for lootboxes ... but god am I sick and tired of hearing these excuses from one trick pro players who have been stuck in their metas and comps.

SURE they are up there for a reason, but the fact of the matter is that I don't care if you do not want a 'dive comp' if I wanna play D.Va to get myself a 6 stack Ult kill, kay??

I don't care if we have a Zarya and Roady, they gonna wreck our enemy team and I'm gonna pump up their asses with as much healing as they want, kay???

The standarts OW pro players have been setting time and time again has muddied the waters of normal play. Because of them Symmetra and Bastion have been thrown into the corner of the back room and will never be seen in normal play because 'they ain't meta'.

Bro, I've been a Bastion main since Comp Season 3 and I've been wrecking my games left and right whenever I play him. I do not need your meta to succed, I don't need a Mercy pocket or a Rein shield because people like the pros set the standart that Bastion is ONLY useful when these criteria are met.

Not only that, BECAUSE of their standarts I forced myself into being able to switch to any roles with heroes that do just as much good as my Bastion. And that was actually a very good thing! Now I'm a solid Gold-Plat rank player that can play pretty much every hero in Mystery Heroes.

... and then I see our current pros. Who are scared shitless that their off tank players gonna play ... DPS?? Or Healing?? Like, weren't you guys moaning about one tricks? About people not being able to switch?

You ... you do know how OW started, right? OW was a game the devs SPECIFICALLY made to be open gameplay, they WANTED people to switch to heroes and experiment with new combos.

But lately we had buffs, nerfs, change in ques and all you can do is complain about it.

YOU put the standart 2-2-2 because people started to go tank-healers only, or Genji-healing only, or some shit because that was OP.

YOU were the ones forcing in a role que system because other people could not or refused to switch their roles.

YOU forced the devs to rework ALL HEROES to your standarts. Granted, here you got the devs to make Symmetra interesting to play, Bastion and Torb more viable and Brig to be more fair ... for you, because I cannot play Brig to safe my life, she's such a squishy and I die the second the round starts.

If you cannot handle what pro players dished out years ago, then please do me the favor and stay with your Rein-Zayra combo for the rest of eternity thxx

And we haven't talked about the OW2 hero reworks and new maps with more things to hide behind yet! Making each Tank more viable and more enjoyable to play. And guess what? THEY AIN'T DONE YET! I've seen alot of players moarn that the game will be SO unfair ... but we haven't seen anything yet. Espacially since they haven't told us any DPS or Healing ability changes either.

'But BUT 3 years of development!!!' so?? 3 years could mean anything. Not to mention that the EXACT SAME DEVS are working on OW2 are ALSO STILL working on OW 1 at the same time. And it's a pandemic. Sure they are a huge team, but they have a huge goal; aka THE STORY MODE WITH HUNDRETS OF HOURS OF PLAYTIME AND ANIMATED CUTSCENES.

They still have a long ass way to go, so chill out and give em some time. There are over 30 heroes they have to rework, remodel, give a part in the Story. Multiple new Maps to work, maybe even rework, test and make sure everything is as polished as possible for the general player base; which ain't the pros btw.

So, with pretty much mostly everything said, what's my final stand?

I would say to everybody worrying that the game won't be good; trust me, it'll be just fine.

If you don't enjoy the 5v5, there will still be Arcade and Story to keep ya company, like, I've been playing Quickplay and Arcade 99% of the time, you gonna be fine fam.

And if you're a pro player who JUST CANNOT handle 5v5 without their off tank puppy jumping after them then here's a tip:

Don't play Overwatch 2.

Nobody will force you to it, Overwatch will still exist with it's 6v6 2 tanks, 2 DPS, 2 healing boringness and it's frozen metas and comps and the same ass people in the Top 100 you play against each and every day with tiny buffs and nerfs every other day.

Meanwhile me and my squad will enjoy more shenanigans in OW2.

I'll gladly play momma Orisa and keep my friends save and sound, while also hooking every evil doer who dares come close to em ewe

Overwatch 2 is for us, the players who play the game like the devs intended; play the heroes you want, no matter if you lose or fail and have to pick yourself up again to grow and become stronger.

Overwatch 2 will be just fine.

[naktergalen]

Rivamika Fic Suggestions List

Hello! First time posting on the Rivamika side of Tumblr. I just wanted to leave some of my personal recommendations for Rivamika fan fics on here to possibly help pass the time. I know that some people in the Rivamika chat will ask or put down some fic suggestions and it sucks that the messages get deleted after 1 week. Some of these stories are widely known in this community and some I think need a little more love lol. But I hope that you enjoy these stories as much as I have. I’ve split this list up into four categories. I wanted to let people know the status of some these fics in case they did not want to start an incomplete or in progress story. I know that many people are going to noticed that the Western Passage is not on this list. Sadly, I never got around to reading it when it was written for Levi and Mikasa and I can’t seem to find it anywhere for the life of me.

All of these fics can be found on AO3. I would link them but Tumblr apparently has an issue with links. If you guys want another list of fics, just let me know or you can tell me to GTFO and I will take the hint lol! If you have any fic suggestions for me, feel free to message me with them and I can add them on to the next list if anyone wants that. If any author sees their story on here and they want me to take it off the list, please let me know I don’t wish to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Also, last thing, I highly recommend leaving comments and kudos to the authors. I know that they greatly appreciate it and it helps them with improving their writing through feedback. I’ll shut up now.

DISCLAIMER: I know that not all of these stories are not for everyone, these are just my opinions and suggestions.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Completed:

- Finding Comfort in Burning

Author: LittleWhisperer

Rating: Mature

This is a classic Rivamika fic and I know that the community loves it (as do I). If you are looking for superb character development, look no further than this baby right here. LittleWhisperer’s writing is so well done I can’t believe that this ain’t just a famous author writing in their spare time (oh wait I think they are). They’re so descriptive with the environment that you feel as if you are there watching as the scenes unfold. It’s a captivating story from start to finish and the building of Mikasa and Levi’s passionate relationship is soo scrumptious.

- Part of Me

Author: kenken_chan

Rating: Mature

Every Rivamika fan out there has to read this story!!! I cannot describe how absolutely wonderful this fic is! I was literally left speechless after finishing the last chapter because my mind was just blown away by the conclusion of Levi and Mikasa’s relationship. This really takes you on an emotional roller coaster and you can really grasp each character’s emotions through out the story. I will give a warning before hand, there are heavy subjects and situations presented that some people may not feel comfortable with. I personally think those subjects and how they are handled is what makes this fic such a diamond in the rough but if you are feeling uncomfortable then I understand that as well. I also know this fic has been out before and that the author had made changes to it since it was first released. If you haven’t read the edited version of this story, I would say give it another read now. I would love to hear what people think after they finish reading this gem.

- A Dangerous Game

Author: LittleWhisperer

Rating: Explicit

OMG! What a ride this story was! Once I started to read the first chapter, I could not stop! It just sucked me into the story’s world and I felt like I was actually there seeing the action and environment that the author was describing. This story keeps you in suspense and on your toes for what is going to happen next in this crazy Mafia AU. The relationship between Levi and Mikasa is magnificently done as they come to realize they have more in common than they think. I enjoy LittleWhisper’s work and I recommend checking out more of their works.

- The Taste of Pomegranate

Author: alienheartattack

Rating: Teen/Explicit

I have to say that I would have not expected me to like a Ballet AU story for Rivamika, but I absolutely enjoy every second while reading this one. The way the author creates the tension between Mikasa and Levi is splendidly done in this story. There are two more one-shots that follow after the original fic but they honestly feel like two more chapters that are just continuing with the story. I would certainly read the two one-shots after your finish reading part 1, you will not regret it!

- The Song Remains the Same

Author: MoraLeeWright

Rating: Mature

I enjoy MoraLeeWright’s writing so much! I think I binged read this story in about a day, I couldn’t stop myself. This fic does a really great job of slowly building the relationship between Mikasa and Levi. It gives their perspectives on the challenges they are facing together as well as the conflicting feelings each have about the growing bond between the two of them. I know that this is a Rivamika classic among fans but if you have yet to read it, definitely check this story out!    

Ongoing:

- Who Are You Calling a Bitch?

Author: xx_ciela

Rating: Mature

I was terrified that this fic would not ever get updated again, but good news its BACK! I am so excited to see where the story leads and whats going to happen to Mikasa, Levi and the other characters that are present. WAYCAB does an amazing job of mixing and twisting many different types of lore together to pull you into this fantasy type AU. Just when you think you have finally received the answers to your questions, it only lead to more questions lol. This story will keep you pensive and excited to find out what exactly is going on in this city. Its a slow burn in regards to Mikasa and Levi’s relationship, but I have a feeling that the wait will be well worth it. Undoubtedly recommend checking this out and leaving a comment for the author telling you want more!

- I Just Miss A Good Cup Of Tea

Author: EJelly

Rating: Mature

I discover this fic because of how it was blowing up in the Rivamika tag on tumblr lol. I’m soo happy that I decided on checking it out because I binged read the 28 chapters that were out already. Attack on Titan meets The Walking Dead in this baby. The way that EJelly writes action is spectacular, it feels like I’m watching a TV show. I also love the way they write in each character’s POV in order for you to understand the mind set of the characters during this zombie apocalypse. The relationship between Levi and Mikasa is beautifully built over the course of this story and I cannot wait to find out what lies ahead of them. Again, another slow burn that I have a feeling will be well worth the wait (it already has been)! Go check it out and leave a comment telling EJelly that you are excited for more!

- Just Until The Storm Has Gone (?)

Author: MoraLeeWright

Rating: Explicit

Put a question mark by this one because I’m not sure if this is still ongoing or not. Regardless of that, I urge everyone to go read this indescribable work of art. MoraLeeWright’s writing has just blossomed into such beauty and she does nothing but keep getting better as time goes on (I don’t even know how that is possible but she doing the damn thing). JUTSHG is in a class of its own, for me, in the world of Rivamika fics. This baby is from Mikasa’s perspective and it delves into her psyche as she is dealing with the after affects of war. Her relationship with Levi is so mesmerizing in this story and the way that MoraLeeWright creates their smut scenes is so yummy I just want to eat it for lunch. I can’t even call it smut because its so much more than that. You can feel the connection of two souls finally finding the other they have been looking for as well as passion they have for each other. I could go on about how much I LOVE this story but I’ll stop. This one is on my top 3 favorite Rivamika fics of all time.

Incomplete:

- No Rest for the Wicked

Author: Hallow17

Rating: Explicit

Freaking love this story and I’m SOOO SAD that its incomplete! Mikasa has to deal with the paranormal while also running a business in this fic. The budding relationship between Levi and Mikasa is well paced and so gracefully displayed that even though it is an incomplete story, it’s well worth reading the 19 chapter that have already been published. Everything you could ask for in a paranormal story is presented; ghost, action, spirits, and lots of angst! This is such a unique story its literally burned into my brain and I will never forget it. I hope that Hallow17 miraculously comes back to finish this baby off one day!

 

- Romance and Rivalry

Author: AmayaOkami

Rating: Explicit

I AM SO HEARTBROKEN THAT THIS STORY IS NOT COMPLETE I CANT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN MY FEELINGS!!! Ugh, this story is soo freakin good! I know that this is another story that is popular in the Rivamika community but I have no choice but to put it here! The build up in this story is amazing that you can’t wait to read the next chapter to see what happens with Mikasa and Levi. This is such a great take on a typical romantic trope but AmayaOkami puts so much personality into the characters that it gives off such a fun and exciting vibe. The comedy and awkwardness is displayed so well that I have to stop reading because I get bad second hand embarrassment lol! Omg please read it even though its incomplete, its too much fun to pass up on. AMAYAOKAMI PLEASE I BEG YOU COME BACK AND FINISH THIS RIVAMIKA ROMCOM I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!!!!

One-Shot:

- Intertwining

Author: Livysan

Rating: Explicit

I’m staring off these one-shots with two of my favorite Rivamika “smut” stories. This is such a wonderfully written love scene between Mikasa and Levi. Livysan really expresses the yearning passion that Levi and Mikasa have for each and unfolds it in such a sweet and loving way. A must for any Rivamika fan to read.

- Until the Stars Disappear

Author: noiresetoiles

Rating: Mature

This is just an exquisitely done love scene between Levi and Mikasa I almost have no words for it. Its just down right BEAUTIFUL that pretty much all I can do to describe it. I really enjoyed how noiresetoiles decided to not use any dialogue in this story, it really shows how Mikasa and Levi’s actions tell how they really feel about each other. Again, a must read for Rivamika fans.

- Clean-Shaven

Author: hashire

Rating: Mature

The cute domestic fluff that we need from Levi and Mikasa! This is a one-shot but it is part of hashire’s Happily Ever After collection. The whole collection is about the domestic bliss between Mikasa and Levi after the war has come to an end. I definitely recommend reading the entire collection, you will not be sorry.  

- Pure Dawn

Author: sulkyfuckingcat

Rating: Explicit

A Holiday AU that has sexual tension and smut? Count. Me. In. Pure Dawn has all the build up and smutiness that any Rivamika fan needs if they are craving it. Go check it out if you haven’t, I know that its pretty popular in the Rivamika community and I can see why lol.

- Begging for Thread

Author: villanelle

Rating: Explicit

I believe that this one has been talked about a lot in the Rivamika community but I still have to leave it here just in case someone hasn’t heard about it. Its a must read. Written from the perspective of Levi the story explores his mindset as he is trying to deal with his emotions towards Mikasa. Mikasa has some taunting tendencies in this fic which I love as well.

- Looking Into the Heart of Light

Author: hashire

Rating: Explicit

Again, another domestic bliss fic about an eventful evening between Levi and Mikasa. Its a pretty quick read but its too cute to pass up. If your looking for a quick Rivamika fix then this is the fic for you.

[jasminsssiii]

The One Who Cared The Most

This is gonna be my long ass thoughts of Rang’s character so if you’re also invested to our pyscho baby fox buckle your seatbelt, be furious and cry with me.

From the beginning I already knew that Rang would be a goner because that’s what always happen to my favorite characters ha. But man they gave him such a beautiful character growth I was still caught off guard in the end even though the death flags were everywhere. I tried my best to ignore it hoping the writer is on her right mind but no. His character was written so well it will never be easy to let him go.

Rang was left by his mother to die and abandoned by his brother for romance. He spent hundreds of years alone, missing his brother, and being a puppet. It would’ve been better if yeon just killed him on their encounter I bet that is what he also wished for deep inside. In the beginning yeon can’t figure out how he changed so much from being a kid who cannot ignore an injured puppy to someone who is okay in killing anyone. Yeon cannot figure it out because he was dismissive of his feelings all those years but I as a viewer saw that he didn’t changed at all. It’s just that his brother didn’t pay attention. It was proven by the following episodes where we saw him rescued the puppy and go all soft to soo oh (black puppy huhu). Even in the spin off episodes we were given a glimpse of how lonely he was but still cared deep inside. He didn’t get much enough love and care, but he was able to share and give it to others especially to Yuri and Soo Oh. Just like yeon said “love is passed on in an uncanny way”. He was still a kid trapped in an adult’s body who was traumatized but tried to cover it up by troubling his brother who in reality he yearns to be with the most.

It became more painful when we started to see him finally become genuinely happy. He was freed from the contract and fixed his relationship with his brother. He was able to become and act like his true self. A person who is all smiles and only looks up at his brother. But as always, it didn’t last long. He was stabbed by the person he trusts the most and his brother was fixated on saving his lover. In episode 11 when they switched we even learned that he was convinced that the reason yeon chose jiah was because she didn’t cling to her family tragedy unlike him. How I wished yeon told him that his pain was justified because he did abandon him. It felt like he only started to care for rang when he had something to do with jiah urghh I’m so mad.

Now let’s jump to the last 2 episodes. It was such a painful watch. A very painful one. He finally got his brother back, has a kid to take care of, but got caught up in a mess again due to his brother’s romance. It was so sad to see yeon asked him to be the one to kill him, what yeon did was just add more trauma to rang. He knows himself he cannot do it but due to his love for his brother he was able to. His scream and sobs were so painful to see, the way he wiped his brother’s blood in his hand was too much for me to handle. Now to the last episode, I WAS COMPLETELY DEVASTATED AND I KNOW WE ALL ARE. He suffered alone for 600 years but got only to be happy for 6 months. He finally got his newfound family who takes care of him, who makes him laugh, who he eats meals with, who he watches tv with, who he walks on night outside with, who sends him off when he goes out and welcomes him back when he goes home. He already got it all and I bet even though they tried to make us believe that he still wanted to bring yeon back but we all know that he would’ve eventually moved on with the help of his new family.

Rang’s sacrifice was so unnecessary and I will be always frustrated with the way they made him go. The writer just showed that jiah and yeon’s romance was more important than rang’s happiness with his family. He wasn’t even able to say a proper goodbye to them. A final hug would’ve been more painful but I still wanted it. All he was able to do was leave them with a smile. Just like what yeon said he must have been scared being alone T.T but I know the sight of his family coming to him comforted him at least. Kim Bum’s acting was so brilliant there he got no lines but I knew what Rang wanted to say. That he is happy that there were people who truly cared for him and will cry for him. He is relieved that he will be at ease leaving them because he knew yuri and soo oh are in good hands with shinju. That although their time was short it was one of the best he had. “In my next life I hope I’ll meet you again as my family”. He even had their picture as his wallpaper oh god made the scene 1000x sadder.

Here comes the video message scene. It took me 3 days to gather my thoughts about it but it still hurts until now. The background music that was playing just made it worse. First I just want to talk about how his phone is full of photos of yuri, soo oh, and shinju he really wanted to cherish their moments together. His message to yeon oh god I still cry about it every time I think of it and when I see posts on it. The word “Hyeong” automatically echoes inside my mind. The way he tried to play it off and be cool about it but ended up a sobbing mess. I like how he said he will not apologize for troubling his brother because he was the bigger jerk since it was true. What made it 10000x tragic was that Rang wasn’t ready to let go. He wanted to stay so much and experience the life he had always been dreaming off. He wanted to call yeon “hyeong” many times. He wanted to live so much. He didn’t want to give up at that moment (I will hate the writer forever with this). Seriously, I can’t even talk about it without crying because Rang deserves so much better. The smile he gave one last time was full of regret, sadness, fear, relief, and hope that they will meet again in his next life (someone give kim bum his oscar please). His character was used as a scapegoat to bring the leads their happy ending. I totally feel cheated by the writer on this one they almost made me believe in the first 30 mins of the last episode that they will spare him but nah.

To conclude, Lee Rang was such a beautifully written character and well executed by Kim Bum that it will stay with me for a long time. Regardless of the things he did wrong even though he was sometimes a jerk (which was justifiable) we all know that he was just yearning for his brother’s love. Rang, if only given the chance will love and care for others without reservation even if the ones, he loves the most will not return the same feeling in the same degree. His passing, though a cause of my gut wrenching sobs, was beautiful. I so wanted him to learn to embrace love again and I’m glad at least he died knowing that he did something meaningful. I’ll just take comfort to the idea that he died knowing that he was loved and that he, too, loved well.