#canned garbanzo beans

[iwatcheditbegin]

​there’s nothing wrong with being granola but for the love of all things holy stop acting like it taste the same when you give people baked goods. Like I don’t know who needs to hear it but people can absolutely tell if you used a can of beans instead of flour for cookies

[gabrielora]

Head cannon for Simon Petrikov: he just eats garbanzo beans constantly. He drinks them out of the can, he eats uncooked cans of tuna without a fork. He slathers mustard on it and licks it clean.

[thoughts-of-endless-night]

found a black bean in my can of garbanzo beans

[isaaceats]

These are really good as toppings on salads and Buddha bowl type things (1 can crisped will do 4-5 salad/bowls either as 1 meal shared or for 1 person for a week of packed lunches) or alternatively as ingredients in snack mix too.

I'm not sure why crispy chickpeas aren't everywhere as like a top ADHD snack because they are:

Delicious (so you will actually seek them out/want to eat them)

Crispy (a good stim for texture people)

Easy to make (super hands off, they just roast for like 30 minutes while you do something else)

Healthy (it's literally just beans! Such protein!)

Versatile (you can switch up the seasonings if you get tired of one flavor; you can also put them on/in a bunch of different dishes)

Cheap AF & forgiving of your timeline (a can of chickpeas won't go bad in your pantry if you don't have the energy to make something with them this week)

So here's the resippy.

Cooked chickpeas (I usually use one can)

Olive oil

Salt

Paprika or curry powder or rosemary or your favorite spice (optional)

Steps:

Drain and rinse your chickpeas.

Dump them onto a towel or paper towel and rub them dry a bit.

Remove any loose skins. If you're feeling extra you can remove all the skins; this makes them slightly crispier. I do not find this to be worth it.

Put them on a baking sheet (lined with parchment paper if you want to save yourself some cleanup). Toss with a drizzle of olive oil, a generous pinch or two of salt, and your seasoning.

Roast in your oven. I usually do 400°F for about 25-30 minutes, but this is pretty forgiving and you can do 425 for 20 minutes or whatever you want to do

Taste a chickpea. It should have an audible crunch. If it doesn't, put it back in until it does

When done, taste for seasoning and add any additional salt or seasoning you want. Proceed to devour them.

These are best fresh, but I still like them later on (if I don't eat them all right away). Store in an airtight container for a couple days at room temp or a few days in the fridge.

Enjoy!!

[superrecordings]

Recipe for Busy Day Lunch Salad To make a quick and energizing salad, open a can of garbanzo beans, chop some tomato and onion, and combine with mozzarella cheese, lemon juice, and olive oil.

[fairuzfan]

A video from Mahmoud Abusalama about the current situation in the North of Gaza. Here is a translation of what he's saying from the comments that's pretty accurate:

‘Northern Gaza is dying of hunger. Today is Friday and a blessed Friday to you and us. We’ve lived through 8 months of a real famine, particularly in the Northern Gaza Strip. Our primary meal, throughout all these days and in these conditions, came from canned foods. Which canned foods (you ask)? We brought some with us today. Here’s a can of fava beans, here’s a can of garbanzo beans, and here’s a can of peas. And all of them are Jordanian products, and thank you to the Jordanian people. We’ve been living in this system of (eating) canned foods for 8 months. Getting into the heavy duty stuff now, our best regards go to Ghadeer (chicken luncheon) meat. This is a Jordanian product and it is an honor to have it included in the aid that comes to the Gaza Strip. Every Palestinian household has been living off of Ghadeer for 8 months and we’re still alive. Our intestines are full of Ghadeer. Wherever you go, it’s Ghadeer. This can is chicken luncheon, and it’s the only one of its kind in the markets in the Gaza Strip. We’ve been eating this for 8 months. Let’s talk about Friday. It’s Friday, so prepare for your guests, and bon appetite to you all. Many people eat meat and chicken and that’s their due and their situation, because they’re not living in Gaza, so here’s to your health, a thousand-fold. However, on another set of coordinates of the planet you’re living on, is a place called ‘The Gaza Strip’, particularly the Northern Gaza Strip. We are living off of these canned foods in pain and oppression, with malnutrition, along with 8 months of pleading and the shouting of starving people, and the corpses of babies who died of starvation. The people of Gaza are dying of starvation. This is the reality of the life we are living. Our life in the Northern Gaza Strip can be considered as garbanzo, peas, fava and Ghadeer. Ghadeer is steadfast with us, so our best regards to Ghadeer and its resilience, and may our Lord Relieve us.’

(From Med): Honestly, I've lost words to say at this point. What more do they want from the people of Gaza? No one should be treated like this in their lives but we're 2/3rds of a year into this genocide and no end in sight. I mean. What they want? What does the world want from them?

[isaaceats]

These are incredibly easy, cheap, delicious, and healthy. Like, basically nothing else get as high a score on all of these metrics at once, you usually have to trade off convenience for cost, or deliciousness for healthiness, but roast chickpeas have it all.

The only negative thing I can think of is they tend to roll away, especially as a salad topping.

The first time I made crispy roasted chickpeas (for the stew), I said to my husband, “Now that I know how easy these are, I’m unstoppable.”

The second time I made them (for a salad topping), I said, “Do you want any more of these to snack on? I might have some more, but I don’t know… Actually, these are so easy I can’t afford not to eat them.”

Honestly? Life-changing snack. Go fuck myself. Wonderful chickpea revolution. Here’s what you do: dry these beans as much as you can (strainer, then paper towels), toss with olive oil and salt, bake on tray at 200c for like 30 minutes, stirring 2~3 times. Sprinkle with delicious spices, or pop directly in mouth.

(Also, the salad dressing is yogurt, tahini, roasted garlic, lemon, and olive oil, blended roughly with a fork and left in the fridge a few hours. It is also delicious.) 

[averycutesalamander]

AHHH 11! 11! 11!

decided to combine these into one :)

11: Telling them a dumb joke just to see them smile

22: Listening to them while they vent

“And I’m guessin’ he didn’t apologize?” Boothill drawls, working his jaw.

“Of fucking course he didn’t!” you huff, gesticulating wildly. “He acted like I was the one inconveniencing him – like it wasn't his dog that was off-leash and fucking tackling people!”

“Bastard better be glad it didn't hurt ya,” he mutters darkly, “or I'd need to introduce him to my gun.”

You slump down into yourself, pressing your face into your hands and making a frustrated noise, long and loud. He places a comforting hand on your back, tracing slow, gentle circles to soothe you. Finally, you settle, sighing wearily.

“More trouble than it's worth,” you mumble, rubbing at your temples. “I just need to stop thinking about it. There's really nothing else to be done right now.”

Well, if it were up to him, he'd knock on the guy's door and deck him for being a moron, but you never like it when he tries to resolve minor disputes like this with his fists, so he'll let it go – for your sake.

He hums in acknowledgement, examining you for a long moment as silence descends between you. Your shoulders are still tense, and he can hear that your heart rate is still a bit faster than usual, so you're clearly still thinking about it…

Maybe he can give you a hand.

“What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?” he suddenly asks, utterly nonchalant.

You go still under his touch, and when you look up from your hands, your expression is completely baffled. “...Is this another one of your weird fucking anecdotes?”

“I ain't tellin’,” he says, a small note of smugness in his voice. “C'mon, guess!”

You scrunch your brows in thought. “Uh… Something about tuning a piano?”

He smirks. “Close. You can tuna piano, but ya can't piano a tuna.”

You snicker, and his heart swells at the sight of your smile. Then, you raise a brow expectantly. “What about the glue?”

His grin widens as he waggles one finger at you. “Ah, I knew you'd get stuck there.”

He watches in open delight as you pause, then burst into laughter, shaking your head and rolling your eyes in playful exasperation. “That's so stupid.”

He shrugs, unbothered. “It made ya laugh, so it did its job.”

You finally straighten your posture, eyeing him fondly for a moment, a little smile on your face. “You're too sweet,” you mumble, a gentle sort of warmth in your eyes.

He leans forward, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “Only for you, angel.”

(He'll never get tired of that expression on your face – that look of complete and utter adoration, something quieter than awe but somehow just as grand. He's sure he looks just the same.)

“Hm… What's–” you suddenly snicker, biting your lip in a fruitless effort to keep yourself together. “What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?”

He tilts his head quizzically. “They're the same thing, ain't they?”

“Nope,” you say, broken up by laughter. “I wouldn't pay ten thousand credits to have a garbanzo bean on my face.”

He blinks at you cluelessly for a moment, the gears in his brain churning. Your smile widens even further as you watch his expression shift. In thought, he murmurs, “A chickpea on your…”

The joke hits him all at once, and he bursts into laughter, wild and hearty.

“That's awful!” he laughs, pressing one hand to his face as you snicker.

“It made you laugh,” you sing, bumping his shoulder with yours.

(God, he loves you.)

“Alright, alright,” he chuckles, then clears his throat in a futile attempt to compose himself. “So, a cat and a dog were leadin’ a caravan a’ pioneers…”

On and on and on it goes, until the memory of your irritation fades into oblivion and laughter rushes in to fill the gaps.

(He loves your smile too much to let you stay angry for long, after all.)

@opheliaflavoredinstantnoodles @ikeagroceries @shadowstadium @theswashbucklingspy @cosmo112 @fxngtasy @rinzis

[spunsugarmusings]

"Dracula Flow" Sentence Starters

Sentence starters taken from plummcorp records' Dracula Flow series, entries 1-5. TW for profanity, drugs and alcohol, parental neglect, and sexual references. Change pronouns and tenses as necessary, and enjoy!

"This shit ain't nothin' to me, man."

"I had to do it to them, snipe."

"I'm not loyal to anybody, I'm a demon!"

"I have no loyalty for anyone, never did, never will."

"Shorty chose to be with a demon, sounds like her problem to me!"

"I have no sympathy, I live for this shit."

"Yeah, we gettin' that Pirate Bay, alien shishkebab, cordyceps money!"

"I hope them aliens are real, so that I have more things to fuck!"

"I just popped a whole garbanzo bean, fuck you mean?"

"I'm him, I been him, I will continue to be him."

They thought they could stop a demon, I'm back!"

"The zaza got me speakin' Esperanto."

"I don't even know who I am anymore, I'm gettin' too much money."

"Can you remind me who I am?"

"Get the president on the phone now, I fronted him a brick, I need my money."

"I'm moving different."

"They must have amnesia, they forgot that I'm him."

"I'm on them Broward County Tic-Tacs!"

"I don't give a fuck if I go blind, I don't need to see the price tag anyways!"

'"We're smokin' filtered crack, you stupid piece of shit!"

"I'll fuckin' kill you!"

"Call that pussy The Matrix, because I'm in this bitch and I can't get out."

"There are consequences to your crimes against Dracula!"

"I threw diamonds at the strip clubs under the Great Pyramids!"

"Tied the ops to the back of a Trackhawk and dragged 'em around the block for 24-hours."

"Motherfucker looked like a Resident Evil 5 campaign extra after we was done with him!"

"These cops are interrogating me about an ounce of weed, as if I didn't kill an Applebee's hostess two miles away."

"Reach for my neck, you'll get turned into an example!"

"I have seen the Magna Carta, I've seen the Eye of Horus, I was flippin' bricks for Mansa Musa before y'all even became a type-1 civilization!"

"They needed a stealth soldier, so I put my hands on the hibachi hot plate at Benihana and burned my fuckin fingerprints off. They will NOT find me."

"If I had a dollar for every time they said I gave a shit, I'd be broke, 'cause I don't give a shit!"

"I've got more percs than their are stars in the Leo cluster."

"How can I be homophobic? I blew his fucking brains out!"

"This Luger will send a Christian to Hell."

"I have no morals or belief system."

"I have no spirituality or anything that gives my life meaning or structure."

"They ask me to shoot, I do it!"

"I have no character."

"I fuck like it's for survival."

"I'm so violent and sick in the head, I can't tell if I want to kill my ops or fuck 'em!"

"Got a ruptured eardrum from having my ear to the streets for so fucking long."

"On a full moon, I'll fuck anything!"

"I'm a street creature."

"The weed will have you in purgatory, screaming for eternity."

"You will relive every key mistake you've ever made in your life, over and over and over again"

"They told me I wouldn't shake the city, so I shook that shit like a crying toddler."

"I'm a product of the gutter."

"The bugs are back."

"The worms in my head won't shut the hell up."

"They're telling me to go absolutely fucking stupid on 'em."

"I don't even need to brandish the nine!"

"Threw the opp into the particle collider, watched his ass get pulled apart into a million pieces."

"Turned his sorry ass into some data."

"I don't wanna kill them, shut up! I don't wanna kill anybody!"

"I ain't gon' lie, I'm kind of feeling myself right now, gang."

"I come from a low frequency environment, and I've only used cash my entire life."

"The only time I ever held a card was when I borrowed my cousin's Bank of America debit card to slice open a funnel cake at the county fair."

"I got the kid's ears pierced at two years old and she already knows what Red Bull tastes like!"

"I even wore my nice 8 Ball jean jacket to the last court hearing!"

"I've been fully consumed by hatred, jealousy and lust."

"I can't help but get thrown into a violent trance at the slightest hint of criticism or pushback."

"My impulsive nature causes conflict at any given time."

"I wept for there were no more worlds to conquer."

"I got to where I am today through violence."

"I have no backbone, I'm loyal to whoever pays the most."

"My character is so flawed, the only time I ever stood 10 toes on anything, was on the opp's throat."

Cops wanna detain me for aggressively hitting the claw machine."

"I'm trying to explain to him that we are all just atoms so he might as well let me go."

"You can't even imagine what the fuck I've been through."

"Humans will never understand their true abilities."

"Why the fuck did we kill off the Neanderthals? Those idiots could have easily worked construction and doubled our profits."

"The day I go broke will be the day hell freezes over!"

"Get your bitch ass up before I slap the dog shit out of you!"

"I can feel the fungi munching on my brain."

"The only time I feel something is when I look."

"I'm a fucking junkie cannibal, all I wanna do is sip mud and eat my ops."

[iwatcheditbegin]

I’m sorry bean cookies???

It’s a trend that needs to go

[gravehags]

enter lydia

Pairing: Cardinal Copia x f!Reader (Curator!Reader)

Rating: Teen

Tags: meet the best friend, reader being goofy as fuck, copia being incredibly anxious, real friendship talk, dinner parties, terzo being clueless

Words: 4,829

Summary: Your oldest, dearest friend and the love of your life. What could possibly go wrong?

a/n: reader backstory tiiiiime, copia's really in for it lol

~~~

“Hey hon?” you ask, poking at your boxed salad with your fork.

“Mmhmm?” Copia responds, currently distracted by trying to recover his pen which has fallen and rolled under the desk. You hear a telltale thump and him cursing softly, and when he emerges, his biretta sits charmingly crooked on his mussed hair. Briefly you forget what you were even going to ask him as he looks at you with a soft smile before getting off his knees and plopping back down in his seat.

“Oh!” you say, it coming back to you, “I wanted to ask you…can I have like…a guest here? Like a visitor?”

Copia blinks at you.

“Visitor?” he asks, baffled, “Amore, you are not a prisoner! Of course you can have someone come see you? Eh, who did you have in mind?”

Part of you wants to casually say “my parents” just to watch the color drain from his face as he stammers but you spare your love the agony.

“My best friend,” you say, halfway through a bite of lettuce, “Lydia? I’m sure I’ve mentioned her before. She’s um, going to be in the area for a work conference and wanted to spend a few days with me. I just didn’t know what the protocol was for that. I mean, Sister Imperator isn’t going to shit her pants is she?”

“Ah,” he waves his hand dismissively, “siblings’ families visit them all the time, why should you be any different? And we have nothing to hide. We would welcome her with open arms.”

Your shoulders sag in relief.

“Okay good, because she’s coming next week and I’m going to be honest with you, asking for permission was kind of a formality. I was going to do it either way.”

Copia laughs.

“Taking the ‘better to ask for forgiveness’ route, huh? I admire that. I suppose we won’t sacrifice her in some arcane ritual now.”

It’s your turn to laugh.

“Uh, I don’t know that you could handle that. She’s a fighter, through and through. She’d definitely kick your ass.”

He frowns and presses a gloved hand to his chest.

“Cara, you wound me. Are you implying that I could not defend your honor?”

“Cope, I saw Secondo grab your hands and slap you while saying ‘stop hitting yourself’ for ten minutes after you pissed him off at the last Uno night. Respectfully, you are a lover, not a fighter.”

“Oh, but what a lover I am, eh? Everyone else on your floor probably heard what I did to you last night hehe–”

“Copia,” you say, blushing as you stab a garbanzo bean, “you’re starting to sound like Terzo.”

He actually gasps at that.

“Fuck the thing about fighting, now you’ve really offended me, dolcezza,” he says gruffly, returning to his own lunch, “but please tell your friend she is welcome here. Any friend of my amore’s is a friend of mine.”

You smile tightly.

“I sure hope so,” you say under your breath.

___

Copia’s nervous.

He hasn’t been this nervous in a long time - probably since before the two of you started dating - and he can feel the sweat accumulate on his palms underneath the leather of his gloves. He looks over to you, excitedly bouncing on the balls of your feet. When you look at him, you give him a wide smile.

“Are you nervous?” you ask, reaching a hand out to cup his elbow. A rivulet of sweat rolls down his back under his cassock. He smiles. Nervously.

“No, no, of course not. You don’t look excited at all, though.”

You giggle.

“I haven’t seen her since I went back home for Christmas! And so much has changed since then. That was right before we got together. I’ve told her all about you, by the way.”

He chuckles weakly but in your giddiness you don’t notice his discomfort. A car pulls into the long driveway and his heart plunges into his stomach. You’re practically vibrating at this point watching the car come closer and closer until it’s pulling in front of the steps the two of you are standing on. You don’t wait for her to get out of the car, instead flying down the stairs to meet her at the door. When she opens it you let out a high-pitched shriek.

“Hold on, let me get out of the damn car,” he hears a deep, amused, female voice speak. The woman that emerges is…not what he pictured. She’s tall - taller than him (though Secondo would say that’s no feat), broad shouldered, and muscular. Her dark curly hair streaked with bright red is piled on top of her head in a bun and before he can make any other observations, you throw yourself into her arms.

“Hey, babygirl,” she laughs, pulling you in for a tight hug and kissing you on top of your head, “I missed you.”

“Missed you more!” he hears you wail as the two of you rock back and forth in your embrace. He fiddles with his cuffs, unsure of whether he should introduce himself now or–

“You must be him,” she says, her tone shifting entirely. Copia blanches.

“Yes! This is–c’mere,” you say, gesturing to him to come down to where the two of you stand, “this is Cardinal Copia. Copia, this is Lydia Morales, my angel and dearest friend.”

He bows slightly.

“It’s eh, a pleasure to meet you, signorina,” he says, reaching out his hand. Lydia looks down at it and takes it in her own. Giving him a tight smirk, she squeezes in a hard enough handshake that he lets out an undignified squeak similar to one of his rats.

“Pleasure’s all mine…Cardinal.” The slight sneer in her voice when she addresses him immediately lets him know that this is going to be a long three days. When she mercifully releases his hand he flexes his fingers in an attempt to get feeling back in them. Lydia’s shrewd, dark eyes stare him down, sweeping over his appearance.

“Um,” you say, clearly thrown by the tension between your lover and your friend, “L-let me help you with your bag, Lyd. There’s a guest room for you all ready.”

“No need,” Lydia says, walking over to the trunk and smacking it firmly. The ghoul, still in the driver seat, pops it and she hauls an overstuffed carry-on out as if it’s made of air. 

“Oh, making me swoon,” you say with a smile, nudging her arm.

“I live to please, doll,” Lydia smirks as the three of you head up the steps, “this is quite a place.”

“Isn’t it?” you open the heavy front door and usher everyone inside, “Lydia you will not believe the architecture and the art here, it’s Heaven!”

“Wouldn’t ‘Hell’ be more appropriate,” she says dryly, her eyes briefly flicking over to him. She brings her hand to her neck and fishes out a small, gold cross on a delicate chain from under her t-shirt. For the second time that day, Copia’s heart plummets.

“Haha, very amusing,” you turn to him, “My love, you don’t have to stick around if you don’t want to. You’re more than welcome to of course but I’m just going to get her settled.”

You must have finally picked up on his discomfort and he would kiss you right now if he didn’t think that Lydia would clock him in the face.

“Eh, I do have some things to attend to,” he stops, bowing slightly again to Lydia, “Forgive me, signorina. You will join us tonight for dinner, I hope?”

“Oh fuck,” you murmur, “I completely forgot - Copia’s brothers are hosting a little al fresco get together. You interested?”

Lydia nods slowly, smiling.

“‘Course I’m interested. I’d like to meet this chef you told me about - is he one of your, uh, brothers, Cardinal?”

“Sì, that is my brother Secondo. Are there any restrictions to your diet I should tell him about?”

“Not at all, I’ll eat anything that moves unlike this one over here,” she gestures with her thumb in your direction and you roll your eyes.

“I’m sure Secondo will be pleased to have a less picky eater join his gathering,” you comment then turn to him, “Alright then see you later?”

He nods, and when you approach to kiss to his cheek he does not miss the way Lydia’s eyes narrow.

“Eh, see you later. Ciao.”

He doesn’t breathe again until the two of you are down the hallway and round the corner out of sight.

___

“What do you think of your digs? Pretty nice, right?”

You plop down on the gilded loveseat in the little living room adjacent to the small bedroom where Lydia is currently unpacking.

“Real nice. This whole place is nice. Makes you wonder where they got the money.”

Your lips twitch downwards.

“It’s an old institution - as old as the Catholic church. You don’t ask them where they got their money.”

“Fair enough,” Lydia concedes, standing in the doorway folding a shirt. Her lips are held in a tight line and you know she’s holding back from saying what she really thinks.

“Tell me,” you say, leaning forward to rest your forearms on your thighs, “and don’t think I didn’t notice how fucking weird you were with Copia earlier, either.”

Lydia sighs and looks at you.

“Can I be honest?”

“Why are you even asking when you know you’re going to be anyway? Like I said, tell me.”

“He’s too old,” she says bluntly, and you recoil, “and he’s your coworker which is a whole other rat’s nest. This place is way freaky - I mean, a Satanic church? Girlie, I know you’re not picky about religions but–”

“And neither are you, so why is it a problem all of a sudden now that I’m involved with a member of one in opposition from your religion?”

Lydia sighs and rubs her eye.

“Because you’re my best friend? My best friend who calls me up one day and says ‘I’m in love with a Satanic cardinal who is old enough to be my father’ while being sequestered away from her family and friends for almost a year? Babe, tell me you wouldn’t be concerned if I had done the same. I love you and I love that you’re happy but I’m worried. Your parents are too, honestly.”

“You…you’ve spoken to my parents about this?”

“Of course I have. We didn’t see you for months before last Christmas and yeah, we’ve talked but I don’t know. Please tell me you understand why we’re concerned.”

“I’m in my fucking thirties, I’m not a child, Lydia–”

“Look me in the eyes and say you wouldn’t be worried if it was me.”

A beat passes. You chew on your bottom lip.

“Exactly,” Lydia says, sighing and walking over to sit down next to you, “Listen, I didn’t come here to be a buzzkill for three days, I came here to spend time with you. And you know I gotta scope this Cardinal Copia guy out for myself, huh? Make sure he’s worthy of an angel like you. Typical best friend shit, you know?” she nudges you with her body before wrapping an arm around your shoulders. You want to be mad but all in all…she’s right and you know it. Exhaling through your nose you lean into her while she toys with your hair.

“Please keep an open mind?” you ask quietly, “I know they’re spooky, scary Satanists and everything but…they’ve taken care of me all this time. Without Copia, I’m…” you sniffle, tears welling in your eyes, “I’m not even sure I’d be alive right now. You two are everything to me. Both of you.”

“Alright,” Lydia says softly, kissing you on top of your head, “whatever my girl wants. I promise I won’t grill him too hard.”

“Thank you,” you say, “you’re more than welcome to…I don’t know, suss out his intentions or whatever but remember that I love him. So don’t do that weird thing where you offer to crack people’s backs by picking them up around him or anything, okay? He’s already petrified of you.”

Lydia laughs and shoves you away.

“Hey fuck you, that’s my go-to party trick. Ladies love it.”

You roll your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Are you done unpacking? I want to show this place off to you before we head to this dinner thing.”

“Let me freshen up and change clothes and I’m all yours.”

“Now that’s what I like to hear.”

___

“So, Terzo is the oldest one.”

“No, Primo is the oldest one. Secondo is uh…second, then Terzo, then Copia.”

“Shit, sorry. And they’re all Satanic popes?”

“Terzo is the current one, Primo and Secondo are…retired. And Copia’s a cardinal, you know that.”

“Right, right. Sounds like a lot of fucking dudes, just like the Catholic side. Where are the women at?”

“They’re around, trust me. Not sure if Sister Imperator is going to be in attendance tonight but she’s pretty high up there, I think. There’s a few female cardinals too but I haven’t really gotten the chance to know them outside of passing them in the hall. And then there’s the sisters too, I– Lydia, don’t.”

“What?” Lydia asks with a sly grin, waggling her eyebrows, “Sisters huh? You know I always had a thing for–”

“And you talk about me having a weird priest fetish?” you whisper, holding back a laugh, “Down, girl.”

As if on cue, two sisters - one wearing a tight miniskirt as a habit and the other in a long dress with a very high slit up the side - come out of one of the seminar classrooms. They smile politely at you but when they catch sight of Lydia, their jaws drop.

“Afternoon, ladies,” Lydia purrs with a smile. You make a gagging motion behind the sisters’ backs as they giggle and walk away, occasionally glancing over their shoulders. Lydia licks her lips.

“Not you going full ‘hey mamas’ lesbian,” you wheeze, “I’m having war flashbacks from college.”

“What? We had fun!"

“No,” you laugh, “you had fun. You got laid. I sat at the bar and got mistaken for someone’s mom. More than once.”

“Didn’t help that you used to dress like a senator when we went to the club,” Lydia says with a smile, causing you to whip around and point at her accusingly.

“First of all, business casual was the club look back then and you know that, and second of all, fuck you very much.”

Grinning, Lydia wraps an arm around your shoulders and deposits a wet kiss at your temple.

“You haven’t changed a bit,” she says as you march down the hall side by side, “Should I tell Copia about that time we made out senior year or…”

Your face goes ghostly white.

“Lydia Rosa Morales that was one time and I had a lot of vodka and-and you said—“

“Oh I know what I said,” Lydia agrees, “but what if I changed my mind, hmm? What if I want you all to myself?”

“Lydia do not even go there I—“

“Christ, please unclench I’m just fucking with you. Been a while since you got a taste of your own medicine, huh?”

“God, now I’m really gonna let them sacrifice you tonight. See you in hell, you stupid fruit or whatever that meme was.”

“Wow, lesbophobia from my own best friend…”

“You remember I’m gay too, right?”

“Yeah but–oh. Hello.”

You’re jarred by how polite Lydia sounds all of a sudden until you turn around and are met with Sister Imperator standing there smiling and looking deeply unsettling.

“Sister!” you say, trying to recover yourself, “This is my dearest and oldest friend, Lydia. Lydia, this is Sister Imperator my uh…boss. Lydia is visiting with us–with me– for the next few days.”

“How lovely,” she says as she reaches out to take Lydia’s hand, her gaze directed towards the cross Lydia always wears, “Catholic?” 

“Uh, yeah. I mean, I went through the whole thing y’know - baptism, confirmation - I just don’t really attend now unless my parents drag me. Mostly just like the art and the vibes.”

A silence falls between the three of you and you can tell by the way Lydia fidgets with her watch she is extremely uncomfortable. As are you. Where you’re slightly more accustomed to Imperator’s off-putting presence, Lydia is left uncharacteristically meek and quiet. It’s not a look you enjoy seeing on her.

“Well, just giving Lydia a tour so I guess we’ll be on our way,” you say with a nervous smile, taking your friend’s hand and gently tugging her away.

“Give my regards to the Cardinal, dear,” Imperator says, folding her hands in front of her and giving you a pointed look. The two of you haven’t had any real conversations beyond terse staff meeting discussions since the incident in her office and you swallow thickly before nodding. You don’t breathe again until she turns and clacks away on her stilettos.

“Bro, what the fuck,” Lydia breathes, squeezing your hand, “that’s your boss?”

“Uh-huh,” you say as the two of you slowly begin to walk down the hall again, “she’s…a lot. Listen, you can’t let anyone know that you know this or that I told you but…that’s Copia’s mom.”

“What?”

“Yeah it’s…a whole situation. I’ll explain it someday when you and Copia actually like each other.”

“You’ve officially given me a reason to get along with him tonight. I want the tea.”

You withdraw your hand and smack her arm with it.

“Because being the person I love wasn’t enough of a reason? Dickhead.”

___

Copia’s nervous. Again.

He had to slip up to his rooms to change cassocks after he left the office from how disgustingly damp it was and now he stands in the gardens watching ghouls set up a dining table.

“Are you going to help, or just stand there fretting?”

Terzo, doling out plates onto the rustic table, is looking over at him with an uncharacteristically furrowed brow.

“Ah, yes, mi dispiace. I was preoccupied.”

“Uh-huh,” he says, watching Copia reach the table and begin folding napkins while dodging eye contact. “You’re worried her friend doesn’t like you.”

Copia scoffs.

“Oh, I know her friend doesn’t like me. That’s not the issue. The issue is how do I change that.”

Terzo pulls back and thoughtfully rests his weight on his hip.

“I could charm her for you - you know how irresistible the ladies find me.”

Copia coughs, loud and sharp.

“Eh, I don’t think that’s going to work.”

Terzo looks offended and crosses his arms.

“And whyever not? You doubt my ability to sweep people off their feet?”

“That’s not what I’m saying, what I’m saying is–”

“You two!” The two younger siblings jolt to attention as Primo approaches bearing a vase filled with a variety of flowers, “Go help Secondo in the kitchen, he glamored the ghouls but now they can’t remember how to serve hors d'oeuvres and keep gobbling down all the prosciutto.”

Copia heaves a sigh.

“If Secondo can’t fix the problem, I don’t know how much help we’ll be but if you insist. Come on, fratello.”

___

“Hey, you look great!”

You gesture to Lydia in her linen pantsuit and she grins charmingly, pointing at you in return.

“Not looking so bad yourself, babygirl.” She reaches down to graze the fabric of your yellow floral sundress before taking a finger and tapping the delicate gold grucifix that rests on your neck.

“Huh. He give this to you?”

“Yeah. The night we first kissed. He wanted to welcome me into the family.”

Lydia says nothing, but the face she makes shows her equal parts impressed and wary. You loop your arm through hers.

“C’mon, gardens are this way. They’re beautiful, I think Copia said they were setting the table up near the orchards.”

The walk through the abbey and past the greenhouses is quiet, both of you more than happy to enjoy the comfortable silence afforded to you by years of friendship. When you approach the grassy area next to a row of citrus trees, you gasp. 

“This is gorgeous!” you gush, and the tall, lanky figure of Primo turns to face you with a smile.

“Buonasera, fiore mio. And you must be Signorina Morales?”

“I am yes, it’s a pleasure to meet you uh…Papa.”

“Primo,” he insists, “there will be many papas here tonight and we will all begin to seem like the same person after a while. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll fetch my brothers. Please, please enjoy.”

He gestures to what you assume are ghouls - though they do not wear their standard silver masks - standing silently and bearing large silver platters of–

“Oh fuck, cheese,” Lydia groans, snagging a small plate off the table and loading it up. “You just gonna stand there, or…?”

“Yeah, I’m just looking for–” you turn around and nearly jump out of your skin at the ghoul who appears behind you, bearing two glasses of prosecco. You thank him profusely and hand one to your friend, who makes an impressed face.

“Salute, you little Satan fucker,” she grins.

“I’m not–ugh. Salute, dumbass,” you say, clinking your glass together. 

“Bella mia!”

The all too familiar cry of Terzo rings out as he and his brothers head over to your nook. You exhale heavy through your nose and shake your head as he runs up to plant a kiss on both cheeks.

“Hello, Terzo,” you say, “This–”

You turn to introduce Lydia but Terzo has already swooped in and captured her hand in both of his gloved ones. He looks up at her with wide eyes, a grin playing on his lips.

“Oh, here we go,” you mutter under your breath.

“This Amazonian beauty must be your darling amica, Lydia. Signorina it is my honor and pleasure to make your acquaintance. I…am Terzo Emeritus.”

When he bends to place a kiss to the back of her hand you force yourself to take a sip of prosecco to keep from laughing at her expression. She looks over at you and smiles wide with a wink.

“Signore Terzo, the pleasure is all mine,” she murmurs, fluttering her eyelashes. Oh Lord. You walk away and spot Copia speaking quietly with Secondo.

“Hello, fratello,” you say, standing on tippy toes to press a kiss to Secondo’s cheek, “Hello, my love. Everything uh…everything alright?”

“So far, so good,” Secondo says, eyeing one of the ghouls, “they haven’t done anything weird, have they?”

“Weird? Like ‘developing a twitch’, weird or ‘sacrificing a goat in front of us’, weird?”

“Either, but the latter would be most alarming considering that’s not something we actually do, piccolina,” Secondo scolds, and you smile.

“Oh, you know, sacrificing goats, sacrificing virgins, same thing right?”

“We don’t do that either, and you would know better than most wouldn’t you?” Secondo’s smirks at your gobsmacked expression as he walks away to see Primo and Copia sighs.

“Tell me when it’s over, amore,” he says quietly and you take his hand to press a kiss to the back of it.

“Hey, remember this is just as stressful for me too, right? Sure she’s meeting them but really…they’re meeting her. I would genuinely not be surprised if she’s got Secondo in a headlock by the end of the night and Terzo professing his undying adoration for her.”

Copia cocks his head, frowning.

“Does he know that she’s—”

“Nah. He can find out the hard way. It’ll be good for him.”

For the first time all day, a genuine smile spreads across his face. 

“I adore you,” he says, leaning over to kiss you on the cheek and then dutifully wipe his lipstick off.

“Really? Hmm, had no idea. Come on my love, we have to be social at some point.”

“As you wish.”

—-

“You’ve been dodging me all night, huh?”

Copia’s eyes go wide as he finishes pouring his glass of wine and turns around. Lydia is standing behind him, half smile on her face and a hand in her pocket.

“Eh…no. No, I have simply been–”

“Dipping and dodging like you’re being paid to do it,” she smiles, “Listen, I get it. I’m intimidating, I know. But we all want the same thing here, right?”

“We…we do?”

“Sure - we want her–” Lydia says, gesturing over to you smiling and laughing at something Terzo said, “--happiness. You know we met in middle school?”

“Sì, sì, she said something to that effect.”

There’s a pause, and Lydia takes a sip of wine.

“She ever tell you how we met?”

Copia pauses, thoughtfully.

“I…don’t believe so, no.”

Lydia moves to stand by his side so they both have a clear view of you.

“She switched schools when she was twelve - I’m sure she’s told you about that bullshit she went through.”

Copia nods solemnly.

“Indeed.”

“Well she came to my school. Mid-school year…brutal time. Everyone’s already made their friendships - everyone except me. No one wanted to hang out with the beefy girl who towered a head over everyone else. I had kinda resigned myself to my social outcast fate when one day - there was a new face in class, sitting next to me. I was too shy to say hello but she wasn’t - immediately she smiled big at me and introduced herself. She didn’t fit in either, just a little too awkward and excitable about certain things, and we got along like a house on fire. She was the first real friend I ever had. We’ve been through everything together - made a point of going to the same college so we wouldn’t be separated. It’s been tough, not having her around you know?”

Copia nods slowly. He knew the two of you were close but his heart aches at the way her voice catches on the last word.

“I…am sorry.”

Lydia turns to him.

“What for?”

“All of it. For absconding with her attention and physical presence, for the shit you both went through. I…I love her desperately. I know I’m…I’m old and strange but I would do anything for her. Anything, Lydia. And I suspect you would do the same.”

She clears her throat and takes a sip of her wine.

“The way she talks about you…even over text it’s clear you have her heart. Like, you should see some of the shit she sends me. Real ooey, gooey, cringe shit. Up until you came into her life she always told me she had accepted the fact that she was just not meant to be loved. Which you and I both know is fucking bullshit but she really believed that. She really believed someone as kind and smart and pretty as her deserved to be alone. When she first started here she had such a hard time, you know? The depression and the anxiety and I felt helpless because I was so far away. But then she started talking about The Cardinal and how the two of you were spending time together and how giddy you made her feel. How you made this a home for her. And for that I’m grateful, so thank you Copia. And I apologize for my uh…gruff treatment earlier.”

Copia has the inside of his cheek wedged between his teeth in an attempt to keep from tearing up but when he looks over at Lydia and sees her doing the same, he lets out a little sob. She leans forward and presses a kiss to his cheek.

“Oh my fucking God, Lydia you did not make my boyfriend cry. What did you say to him?”

You’re by his side in a flash, thumbs dutifully wiping the smudged black paint from his cheeks.

“Relax, babygirl. We’re cool, right Copia?”

He nods and smiles.

“Yeah. Cool. She didn’t even threaten me once.”

You sigh and give both of them a look. Primo calls out your name and waves you over to the dining table and when you turn to leave Copia makes to leave too but before he can, a hand is wrapped tightly around his wrist.

“All that being said,” Lydia murmurs, very casual, “if you ever do anything - and I mean anything - to hurt her I’ll fucking snap your neck and make it look like an accident. I don’t care how powerful your Ministry is. I will make you bleed. Know that.”

Lydia’s gaze is intense and Copia nods solemnly.

“Anyway,” she says, suddenly boisterous, wrapping an arm around his shoulders in a crushing hug, “let’s go see the others. I’m not done tormenting your brother, yet. He’s something else.”

“Eh, sì he sure is something. And he hasn’t figured it out yet?”

Lydia grins as they march over to the others.

“I don’t think that man could recognize a woman who is only attracted to other women if I wore nothing but my strap and a lesbian flag.”

Copia groans.

“Please don’t let him hear you say that, he’s probably into that.”

[wordpress-blaze-240881353]

Have You Been Gaslighted? Stonewalled? Your Story Matters.

Emotions are powerful. They guide us, shape our relationships, and help us make sense of the world. But what happens when they’re dismissed? What happens when, instead of being heard, you’re met with phrases like “You’re overreacting,” “You’re being dramatic,” or “That never happened”?

My friend Becky is conducting a research project on emotional invalidation, and I hope my followers can help.

Maybe you’ve experienced it firsthand—trying to express your feelings, only to be met with gaslighting, stonewalling, or deflection. Maybe you’ve felt unheard, unseen, or even made to question your own reality. The truth is, these experiences are more common than we realize, yet they often go undocumented, lost in the noise of daily life.

We want to change that.

By sharing your story, you’re helping us shine a light on a topic that needs more awareness. Your experience matters, and your voice deserves to be heard.

If you’ve ever felt emotionally invalidated—whether by a partner, friend, family member, or colleague—please take a moment to contribute. Your perspective could make a difference.

Thank you for your time and willingness to share. Let’s work together to bring these hidden stories to light.

Source: Have You Been Gaslighted? Stonewalled? Your Story Matters.

[ouaw-facts-i-just-made-up]

I know frosty is the bean guy and all, but I can’t for the life of me imagine him liking jelly beans

This is a true fact.

Hey to be fair, not a lot of good jelly beans out there. I'm really only a fan of tutti fruitti, though that might be bc me and my friend did that jelly bean roulette thing once.

But there are many other good beans. Garbanzo beans, kidney beans, refried beans, red beans... we can forgive him for not liking them all.

Most importantly, being a cat, he must like his paw beans. Self love is important.

[briarpatch-kids]

Do you have a savoury trail mix recipe? I’ve been looking and all I tend to find are either ‘this is a home made savoury trail mix! To finish it off, let’s add a litre of maple syrup :D’ or ‘this is a home made savoury trail mix! Start by buying a savoury trail mix’

Yeah, so what i did was use

1.5ish cups of almonds

1.5ish cups of raw cashews

1.5ish cups of peanuts

Maybe a cup sunflower seeds or pepitas?

A bunch of rice chex

A bunch of pretzels

A can of chickpeas (garbanzo beans)

Take the chickpeas, drain and rinse them, then put them on a baking sheet in the oven at 425 degrees for 30 minutes, take them out and dump them in a BIG bowl with all the other ingredients listed so far. If you want to add different or other stuff, go for it!

Next we need

1 stick butter

1/3ish cup of oil

3 tablespoons worchestershire sauce

A half tablespoon of hot sauce if you feel like it. I used cholula

1 tablespoon of seasoning mix of your choice (i used vegeta but i bet taco seasoning or season salt would also be good)

1 tablespoon of everything bagel mix

However much honey your heart desires. I think I added a tablespoon?

And a teaspoon of flaky, kosher, or ground salt

Preheat the oven to 200F and melt the butter. Mix in the rest of the seasonings and stuff. Pour that into the snack mix part and mix it up. Put it on 2 trays with parchment paper and bake for an hour. Every 15 minutes or so mix up the snacks on the tray so they don't get stuck together. Devour while both hot and cool.

You can really kind of do what you feel like with the recipe and add different stuff or leave stuff out, the oil and butter is the way the seasonings get stuck on and probably the only REQUIRED part of the recipe but even thats a bit wibbly. The original recipe I used for the seasoning part called for two sticks of butter and all purpose seasoning, whatever that is. I mostly used what I had already laying around and could buy cheaply from the bulk bins. I imagine soy sauce and furikake would also be a tasty mix instead of everything bagel and worchestershire sauce.

[clairelutra]

A dead cheap extremely spoonie-friendly recipe that I constantly get compliments on:

Chili (adapted from this recipe)

2 tbsp cooking oil (preferably olive but basically any mild cooking oil works, as does butter/butter substitute/etc)

1 diced onion (any size, try to go for 1-2 cups of diced onion total, as your heart desires) (can be bought diced if need be)

SPICES*

1-5 cloves of garlic (chopped, minced, jarred, etc)

3 15oz drained cans of beans (your preferred mix of black, kidney, pinto, red, garbanzo, etc)

1 14.5oz can of diced tomatoes

1 6oz can of tomato paste

1lbs ground meat (beef, pork, turkey, chicken, whatever) (optional)

1 tbsp sugar (make sure it's normal sugar, not a substitute)

1 cup of water (or beef/chicken/vegetable stock)

OPTIONAL: Leftover vegetables/mushrooms/etc, 1 drained can of corn, 1-2 tbsp of worcestershire sauce, extra bullion, a splash of soy sauce

Spices:

1 tsp cumin

1/2 tsp onion powder

1/4 tsp garlic powder

1 tbsp smoked paprika and/or chili powder (the mild spice blend, make sure you're getting that unless you know what you're doing)

1 tsp salt

OPTIONAL: 1/2-1 tsp smoked paprika, 1/2-1 tsp Italian seasoning/oregano/dried herb of choice, 1/4 tsp cayenne, 1/2 tsp black pepper

Instructions:

Oil in big pot over ~medium heat until it's fizzling

Measure the spices into a bowl

Put the onions in the pot with the oil, dump the spices on top and stir it around

Set a timer for 3 minutes and go sit down while you open and drain the cans. Stir when the timer goes off and then set it again and sit.

When the onions look like they're probably translucent-ish (6-9 minutes for me), add the garlic. If it's raw cloves chopped big, cook em for 5 minutes. Raw pressed or chopped small, 1-2 minutes. Jarred, not at all.

Add in the meat, if using. Poke and stab and stir until it's in cooked crumbles and there's no pink left. Take breaks to sit if you need to.

Add all the cans, all at once (beans, tomatoes, tomato paste, any extra canned vegetables), plus the water/stock and any other vegetables you might be using.

Stir until it's all combined, and sit and wait for it to boil (big bubbles) stirring occasionally, then drop the heat until it's only giving you small bubbles

Set a timer for 30 minutes and let it simmer, stirring every 5-10 minutes.

This is the time to start adjusting things by taste if you're into that. Add more salt or bullion or soy/worcestershire or sugar as needed -- the sugar is to help cut the acid from the tomatoes and can offset bitterness from the spices if you messed those up. Go tsp by tsp and taste after every addition.

It's good to eat after 30 minutes of simmering, but you can leave it there for an hour or two and it'll only get better.

NOTES:

I am a biiiiig wimp about heat and leave out the cayenne and pepper and only use smoked paprika, but I have it on good authority that it's very good with heat as well

Costs as low as $5-7, depending on whether you already have the spices and if you can chop an onion, if you make it vegetarian.

Makes like 6+ solid meals.

All the ingredients except the meat are shelf stable or long-lifed at room temp, so it's good for leaving in the cupboard as a backup meal

It's extremely adaptable. You can make it with just about any combo of canned beans you might have around, you can make it with whatever the cheapest ground meat is currently, it's already dairy-free and you can make it vegetarian or vegan or whatever. Use up old veggies in the fridge and grab your favorite savory spices.

The process can be done almost entirely sitting, if you need to. If you have slightly more money and you're very low energy, you can buy pre-chopped onion.

It's pretty forgiving if you're prone to forgetfulness. The only things that really need to go in order are the onions and meat, because the onions need to break down and flavor the meat, and the meat needs to be crumbled before it goes into the liquid. I forgot to add the meat at the right time once and came out with a perfectly good vegetarian chili. Yesterday I forgot the garlic until the simmer and dumped it in halfway. The spices need to be simmered for a while, but if you forget until the end somehow, you can add them and let it simmer for another hour. It doesn't burn very easily. You can add water or boil it off if you need it thinner or thicker. There's a very long time in the middle to adjust the flavor if it tastes off.

It was one of the few things that reliably came out good when I was forgetting my sentences in the middle of saying them, so I hope this helps some of you as well!

[wonderhecko]

In participation with legal counsel, this blog has opted to explain the final outcome of tonight's air fried falafel. Some may suspect that Adam fucked it up. Clearly, he knows that the chickpeas have to be soaked before use: However, Adam overlooked the details as such. Despite the recipe's sites horrendous formatting, putting the informational notes after the recipe card, Adam did figure he could canned garbanzo beans because they are "pre-soaked". While, the recipe went on to explain "only use dried garbanzo beans" in a way after the actual recipe card in small font, it did not explain the reason for this (the canned ones are cooked and will make the falafel crumble hopelessly instead of forming cakes) an inexperienced cook would take this to be more dogma where an experienced cook might (incorrectly) assume they are capable enough to make off-book substitutions. In short, Adam quickly overthought. Thinking perhaps that a substitution would be fine. So legally, this blog is required to inform you that the original poster (Adam) did not catastrophically fuck up. He simply, made a cooking mistake, which ultimately ruined the structure and texture of the falafel.