#can't you just accept that all were??
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frodo is such a complex and sad character
after all the things he went through, the two stabbings, losing his finger, the hunger and thirst, the fatigue, all the emotional trauma and losing himself in the process. After everything, he still saw his home get damaged. And the worst parte is that no one acknowledged what he did. He wasn't treated as the hero he was nor was he important
And at the end, when he realised that he couldn't go back, that all the pain wouldn't go away, he accepted himself and left in order to heal. He did the right choice again
He saved the world by losing himself but I don't think he regretted it. He made a world were his loved ones could live, just not him.
#sometimes we have to be like frodo and accept that we are damaged in order to heal#and some fans with the bs of who is the real hero#can't you just accept that all were??#that was the whole point#trusting and loving other to save each other because THAT is strength#I love him sm#frodo#lotr#lord of the rings#hobbit
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Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#About: Dead Apple. Watched this a while ago with a friend and it was a lot of fun!!!#If you're reading this: thank you so much for hanging out with me I had such a good time (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡#Next to general considerations: wow they were right that Bungou Stray Dogs movie sure can Bungou Stray Dogs#It's always nice to see the detailed animation and elaborate backgrounds of movies. The animation quality compared to the manga is–#definitely noticeable and it's nice to see. That said... I still like the season 2 art style more? And I'm speaking strictly of art style.#The s2 one looks more soft and smooth while the da one is so much more rough.#The plot is... Very bsd-esque I don't think there's anything to add.#In my opinion Kyouka's arc is the one that turned out best tbh. I really like her narrative development and personal growth in this movie.#I like the complexity of her state of mind. how full of contradiction she is. I especially appreciate the recurring small changes of–#expression that indicate how she thinks differently from Atsushi even if she doesn't voice them. The fight between her cynicism and her–#kind nature. It's all very interesting.#Atsushi's development is interesting too. Although all the open questions about his ability we still have kind of leave me frustrated#I don't feel very strongly about Akutagawa in this movie? I mean‚ he's there. The ss/kk scenes are always great and in character and a joy–#to witness no matter what they do. He just doesn't shine particularly? Or at least personally I dont find the “proving my strength against–#myself” narrative arc to be particularly interesting. Imo it was a lot better flashed out in the da stage play! With the complexity that–#the dialogues with Chuuya added to the character. Dazai attacking him. And especially Aktgw understanding that Rashomon wasn't testing Aktg#but rather only expressing that unstoppable rage that is also Aktgw's own. About that I checked out the play and I really liked it!!#I only watched highlights (aka: ss/kk and chuu/aku scenes) but there's some stuff I really like. I like the conflict between Aktgw and–#Chuuya and how Chuuya messes up with Aktgw at first maliciously and then amiably. It's interesting how Atsushi himself observes that Kyouka#and Akutagawa get along. And especially the sskk almost-handholding and Atsushi saying Akutagawa has a nice profile were cute akjdhbsawhjb#Next. Da really is shipping paradise (╥﹏╥) Sorry but... It is. oda/zai. daz/atsu. ss/kk. s/kk. fuku/mori. chuu/aku. It really has everythin#and the moments are so good!!!! What else. Wish we'd see more of Tsujimura. And Christie. And women in general tbh.#Also‚‚‚‚‚ Atsushi's tiger form in this movie is ATROCIOUS. I've said it before but it's crazy how a franchises that relies so heavily on–#fanservice came up with something this hideous. Man the movie overall was pretty but Atsushi sure wasn't. Firmly stand by the belief–#that only Akutagawa would find that form attractive.#Oh last note. honestly if we're ready to accept a movie where an antidote has effect AFTER the person has effectively died then we really–#can't complain about any kind of insanity the manga brings up#random rambles
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You know what truly truly hurts me about this episode ? It's not just that she's dead, but it's the fact that she knew she was going to die. This 15 years old child realized that she had no vision about herself after the age of sixteen, so she drew the conclusion that she was probably going to die. She saw her sister living a beautiful life and she was happy about it. She didn't tell Wa anything because she knew it was useless to try and stop fate, and she didn't want to worry her for nothing. She tried everything to make her last day fantastic and she even had a vision on how she would die, but she lived through it, stayed happy. And then, this weird guy tried to strangle her and she had her vision about her birthday gift, and she felt all the weight lifting from her young shoulders, because now everything was going to go back to normal, and Wa would always always protect her, and she had her whole life in front of her.
But she was wrong, and she was not only murdered, but murdered brutally, alone, right before turning sixteen.
Not only did she have to mourn her own life for who knows how long, realizing that she would never be an adult, never see Wa becoming a lawyer, buying back their house, that she would never become an illustrator. Not only that immense pain that she carried alone, but the fact that in the sickest tragic irony, all this work she did on herself of acceptance got ripped away, and she let herself be relieved, and hope again (because she's such a positive person that hope would come back very easily and so strongly in her heart), only for it to be an illusion of just a few hours before meeting a terrible, unfair and cruel death.
WHY REVERSE 4 YOU ? WHY ? WHYYYYYYYYYY ?
#this show was supposed to be my fluff relief among those tragic gls#AND NOW THIS#YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO MAKE IT HURT SO MUCH#REVERSE 4 YOU#BRING HER BACK#WHYYYYYYY#It's so tragic#it's the greatest tragedy since I don't know which tragedy to cite#It's more tragic than the Trojan war#It's more tragic than Iphigenia#It's more tragic than all those greek tragedies main characters who were dead from the start#No hope#No chance of escaping fate#You can run but you can't escape#And accepting it will not make it easier#WHYYYYYYYY#I have big feelings about this okay#I just need a moment#reverse 4 you#reverse 4 you ep 6#four#wa#four x wa#jattawa
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maybe it's how luffy's love for zoro is more subtle in the animanga (even if it's everpresent), and people usually more point out zoro's devotion to luffy than how luffy cares for him., that the live action show really went and made luffy say to zoro: I need you. It's so simple, I need you. to instantly get across just how important zoro is to luffy
#bc its so simple to both versions of luffy!!#just thinking about soft zolu and their love for each other ;-;#zolu#one piece#the opla “i need you” is just rlly nice to hear#and zoro takes it so much to his heart. makes it his whole personality afterwards#(not rlly but you know. from like devotion lvl 50 to lvl 1000 in the span of those words)#animanga zoro immediately saw luffy as his captain in the chapter they won their first fight together#already accepting this would be their future and all his insane amount of loyalty and trust were there almost immediately#and the live action took it slower with showing luffy how he needs his first mate to be by his side#otherwise he can't properly function! they weren't a complete team when zoro was healing#why are they so much of all this?? ;-;#mine#gif:zolu#gif:writing#gif:opla
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Sam: "Look at me. Hey- look at me a second. I know. I know you're tough. I know how strong you are. You have every right to be proud of that. But being able to handle somethin' doesn't mean you should have to. Least of all when I'm right here trying to help. Please let me help. If not for you then for me, because I don't like knowin' you're hurtin', especially when there's somethin' I can do about it."
Me, shaking my head, fighting back literal tears: "B-but it's gonna give you another headache!"
#redacted sam#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted fandom#[Sam's name doubles as a link to the specific lines i quoted btw. just for full credit/transparency & for anyone who wants to (re)listen]#Sam's deep-seated need to heal vs my inability to accept help would be a battle for the ages. unstoppable force vs immovable object#wait Sam already mentioned the force vs object thing to David during the inversion didn't he lmao 'they call /me/ Immovable Object'#he does suit Immovable a little more than Unstoppable i guess. i mean he can def be both imo but ykwim. anyways i digress#listen. i'm not a Marriage kinda guy. but good god the way some of Sam's lines make me wanna take a fucking knee and propose#i'm love him ur honor. he is comfort incarnate#can't believe i waited so long to listen to the Valentines Vampire Attack audio. it's got so much of that sweet sweet hurt/comfort#very reminiscent of their 2nd audio given all the healing he does for them & the consent checks before moving clothing and whatnot#which makes it a top favorite for me bc that's probably my most replayed Sam audio. and the one that initially hooked me#i didn't put off listening to it bc i thought i Wouldn't like it btw i just procrastinate everything for no real reason#listening to it now tho actually worked out well bc i could uh. definitely use it. so maybe i was subconsciously saving it for hard times#this post isn't a joke btw it really does hurt to hear him put himself in pain for the sake of healing Darlin' :(((#anD PAINKILLERS DON'T EVEN WORK ON HIM!!! ough man i would struggle so hard to accept his healing if i were in Darlin's shoes#like yeah there's other reasons i'd struggle to accept it too but him being in pain as a result would be one of 'em. the Guilt bro i can't#rp audio stuff#Seven.txt#(Seven blorbo-posting at 2am when they should either be doing something productive or sleeping?? more likely than you might think)
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I know we skirt around and sometimes talk about the ~trauma~ of it all, but I think seeing how loudly Taylor and Travis support each other on main (while still carving out a private life together) really starts to illuminate to an even clearer degree how many of Taylor's choices and actions were a response to all of ~that~ in the last decade or so (and particularly since 2016).
Again, which is not to say it's all bad, and many of them were choices she needed to make at the time for her own health and I'm sure there are some things from the time period she's continued to keep with her, but it's just really striking that she's, like, in full bloom now. And as a lot of people here are saying, she's probably more like herself these days than she'd been in the last decade. It's getting to the point (at least for me) that sometimes I can't even imagine her the way she was in the last few years because she just seems soooooo much more comfortable in her own skin. Which is silly, because that was as much her as the person she is now, she is an amalgamation of all those parts of her (just like any other person is).
But you just see *how much* she just loves so freely -- not just romantically but in everything she does -- and it's even sadder to think about how she felt like she had to slice off all these parts of her and like she had to accept a certain way of living (and being loved) in order to survive and have a life of her own.
I'm just really happy for her that she seems to be healing every passing day and is just embracing everything coming her way.
ok gonna word vomit more in the tags
#like i'm just trying not to drag certain people too much because really what's past is past etc lol#but it's just like... seeing how she's come out the other side in the last 10 months#I can't even picture her being locked away in her house and agreeing to be kept like a secret by ANYONE#and again it's not that it was all bad (e.g. with j*e) -- i have no doubt that the privacy was something she craved in 2016#and that it probably started off as a relief to her#but I can't picture her in a relationship at this point in her life where her partner won't even say her name in public#and where she goes to extreme degrees to not appear with them#(ahem EVEN WHEN THEY'RE AT THE SAME FESTIVAL)#and navigating that 24/7#and the fuck of it all is that it wasn't even just one relationship like that! There were multiple!#and like not to psychoanalyze or whatever lol#but the whole 'you accept the love you think you deserve' of it all#and maybe it's like she felt this extreme privacy to the point where they publicly almost couldn't acknowledge they existed#was the only way it was possible to have any kind of home life#idk idk i'm having a lot of feelings on her behalf#i guess the tl;dr is that i feel like because of all the things that happened to her#she made choices that i don't think she'd be making at this point
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John Seed is a comfort character for some people. Folks like to ship him with their deputies or craft redemption arcs for him.
There's nothing wrong with that, obviously.
But I just can't wrap my head around it.
There's nothing comforting about the way John Seed treated Joey Hudson. I don't understand why the ordeal she went through doesn't seem to matter to fans of his.
She was bait for the rookie deputy and nothing more, because she wasn't going to give in and join the cult.
He terrorized Joey and the rest of Fall's End, stooping to the lowest, most inhumane levels to get his way. Some even theorize that he hurt the "sinners" in his care just because he wanted to, for malicious, sadistic reasons that didn't have anything to do with the cult. At worst, some people go as far as to speculate that he raped Joey.
It's easy to see why someone might come to that conclusion. The way he acts is deplorable and he makes everything feel extremely personal, sometimes in ways that can be interpreted as sexually charged. He'll do anything in order to get his way because "no" is antithetical to him. He regularly flies off the handle, so much so that Joseph is threatening to cast him out. All the touching and getting right up in the player's face is so uncomfortable and obsessive (which is the point, but I digress).
So why does he get to be redeemed and venerated by fans? Don't his actions warrant consequences?
Are people willing to let him off the hook because he's attractive? Because he had a horrible, abusive childhood? Obviously he's got a lot more lore than most of the cast. Is that something people are interested in exploring for him over other characters?
I'm not trying to come after anyone personally. There's nothing wrong with liking villains and Jacob, Faith, and Joseph have also done terrible things to innocent people.
Which is like, fine. It's a video game.
And I know that John, like Joey, is a victim of Ubisoft's choppy, inconsistent writing and storytelling. Things got changed and swapped and cut during development that got us to where we are, with the story we have. Flaws and all, not like it was ever going to be perfect.
But in my opinion, I feel like the adoration for John does a huge disservice to Joey. People make thirsty edits of him while she's literally tied up behind him. It's tasteless and makes the optics of her situation look even creepier.
Her pain has largely been ignored for as long as the game has existed. I can't for the life of me figure out why.
#i'm gonna save my extra personal interpretations for the notes#genuinely I'm not trying to come after anyone#I just can't wrap my head around it#same goes for Jacob but I feel like he at least has the capacity for some change#cause he has doubts about the cult and stuff#the jury is out on Faith and how much autonomy she really has#though I believe it's more than some people think#and Joseph well... some medication is in order at least#but John had all that money and not a single cent went to a therapist so he could sort out his issues#John never got proper help and he has some very fucked up interpretations of the events that happened to him#he is so stuck in his ways and regularly acts extremely selfishly#in canon that's even considered to be part of why he dies#he's too stubborn and selfish to change#would rather everyone experience the pain that he felt than accept what happened to him#he absolutely had the means to better himself and never did#and Joey and all the other innocent people in his bunker were hurt no matter how you slice it#which if we're talking about John#I guess that's no pun intended#far cry 5#john seed#joey hudson#deputy hudson#fandom opinions#rape mention
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"What if I fade?"
Soap lifts his head from his journal, looking up at Roach who is eerily floating near the ceiling. The slow movements almost make him look like he's in water. Kind of ironic given the way he died.
"What do you mean?" he asks, confused.
"What if I move on, what if I disappear," Roach elaborates, refusing to meet his eye. "Not everyone is a ghost, right? We'd be overly crowded. The fact that we're not also means that not every ghost stays."
Soap forces his dry throat to swallow. He honestly didn't want to think about that. He still needs Roach, he probably always will, but he hasn't even told him that he - he takes a deep breath in to calm himself.
"I don't know how it works," he admits quietly, bouncing his leg absent-mindedly. "You're probably right, like most of the time. Even if I really want you to be wrong about that."
Roach finally looks towards him.
"Maybe I should move on," Roach whispers. "It's not healthy, Johnny. You have no idea the things I want, what I wish for, that I'll never get."
Soap doesn't stand up, just keeps staring into Roach's eyes.
"I think I might have an idea, actually," he whispers back. Roach flounders for a moment. Soap really wishes he didn't get that wrong. He's pretty sure Roach meant that he can't have Ghost, and he himself can't have Roach. So... It's pretty similar.
"I've been feeling less like myself recently," Roach insists, deciding to ignore that comment for now. "I find myself wishing one of you would die so I wouldn't be alone. I never thought like that before, I fear that I may have stayed too long, that I'm starting to lose myself."
And he looks scared. It's written on his features so clearly and it breaks Soap's heart.
"You're not alone," he swears. "I'm here with you, and I'll make sure you stay you, however I can."
Roach looks at him, examining his face, looking for... something. Whatever it is, he seems to have found it because he exhales through his nose like a very soft laugh and averts his eyes, almost... blushing? It's a bit hard to tell from the distance and his left cheek being covered in burns while his right is covered in freckles, but he's pretty sure his ears are red.
"You can't look at me like that, Johnny," he says almost coyly. "I can't do anything about it, it's not fair."
Soap's face is burning and his eyes are wide. Was he too obvious? Did Roach understand or is he joking?
They probably look stupid, both of them redder than a fire truck, avoiding the other's eyes, regretting their words. Or at least he supposes that it's what's happening, because he's sure not looking up.
"If it makes you feel better," Roach finally says, sounding like he's smiling, "you were right for once : I am right most of the time. Judging by your reaction, you did indeed have no idea what I want."
#cod mw2#john soap mactavish#gary roach sanderson#soaproach#roachghost#ghostsoap#ghostsoaproach#they're in love and stupid#more necromancer!soap and ghost!roach wooo#accidental necromancer soap and ghost roach au#i like writing the angsty parts but just imagine the happy ending from the other posts it's what i do bc i can't do no happy ending#anyway yeah that was supposedly their love confession but they're repressed military men so after that they ignored it for a few days#and then they accepted that they were actually in love and the shenanigans started again#this is the kind of love triangle that i like where all three are in love with the other two but think they're the only one like that#and then they realise that no they're just dumb and they're all in love and all ends well and they're happy ever after#roach : anyway now that we're talking about love - you're in love with my boyfriend and he's in love with you now make a move finally pls#roach : it's not that fun anymore watching you squirm; that's not the kind of squirming i want to see you do#roach : and simon will take care of that real easily so please go confess already#soap : O////O wh-what?
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I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears
I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!
The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.
More:
Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.
Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)
Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.
Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.
Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.
The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.
They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.
And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.
I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.
#and then. and im putting my most controversial opinion in the tags bc im scared lmao. but like... then... you have the fans..... doing......#the same fucking thing.#the amount of times I have seen Wriothesley used as just a side prop for Neuvillette to feel bad about shit. While Wriothesley is just.....#portrayed as having the inner peace and acceptance of a fucking monk. I was shocked when I read some fics I swear#they really said this man has no trauma at all! the stuff in his past? he's over it!#i hate that passivity when writing victims. like ok if One is written like that#sure. but MHY write all their victims like this#I mean look at fucking Lanoire#and Neuvillette sentenced him to prison after he killed his parents who were never confronted by the law. That's canon.#that's more canon than WRLT itself.#why weren't they confronted? did wriothesley try to talk to someone about it? why did he feel like killing them is his only option ?????#at least have there be some sort of conflict and friction there. How does Wriothesley feel about the court and Neuvillette when#this is the literal system that allowed all that shit to happen to him in the first place???#are you Sure he won't be at least a little wary? the fact that some people think he's Grateful to Neuvillette or even idolises him is crazy#because the man literally subjected him to prison. and if you want to portray his prison life as easy breezy and trauma free#you undermine his entire shitty little 'prison reform' narrative#and if you think he'd be completely 100% accepting of the justice system. Then why the fuck would he kill his parents himself#don't you see that the whole 'I'll accept whatever sentence in order to kill my parents' thing in itself is an act of defying the system#and I Hate#this idea. about being some of the most powerful men in the nation. and yet they can't fucking TRY to set up a better system or smth#i can't believe I read a fic where leaving starving street kids croissants is the most they (the characters and the writer) want to do#like. what the fuck. the whole point of that scene is just to make neuvillette feel bad and be like aw......... poor people exist.... OK???#this is literally how MHY would portray him though.... tbf..... This is what ppl would argue as 'in character'#I just think the character they're in is bad.#I will say I'm giving the fic a lot of grief. there's more to the scene than that. and. ultimately.....#fanfic is (saying this through gritted teeth) ........ recreational....................and free........... in the end.................#i dont think this is reflective of the writer. I do think it is reflective of the way the canon material (genshin impact)#presents in the audience who consumes it. most fans only want these guys to fuck anyway. not think about systemic injustices#canon doesn't make it about the systemic injustices either so why should we. the aesthetic of slums and prisons are just there for fun guys#IM JUST CRAZY OK. I SHOULDNT EVEN BE HERE THIS IS NOT FOR ME . I DONT CARE THAT MUCH FOR PEOPLE FUCKING AND I CARE TOO MUCH
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Regarding previous post about disco horse: I really appreciate that everyone is actually talking for once, but a kind of jab happened on my mental health so I have to step away. It isn't from this post, but the reason is sort of connected
Again, I personally find no problems with the DLC except for how Radahn ship came from nowhere and can justify how that comes. But regardless of how many things anyone else dislikes about the DLC: you are valid to hate it as much as you want, but when you start insulting people who loved/accepted/justified the DLC as "media illiterate fromsoft dickriders who keeps coping even after the honeymoon phase passed" and variation I draw the line. There are many ways where other fans can find reason where you didn't and there is potential in new lore that you won't use. Absurd how some people are still willing to support illusory narrative that Radahn Redditor simps are the "worst" part of the fandom when not even at their most arrogant and annoying they can dream to reach HALF of the toxicity cultish Miquella/Malenia fans have, over the awful crime of having different readings, opinions and priorities.
And yes, I know it is inevitable that Tumblr and Twitter fans WOULD make a moral/intellectual/maturity contest out of how people feel about the DLC (🤡🤡🤡), but it hurts when people I actually don't want to butt heads with who start to approve of this mentality. Like, okay cool. Wallow in your elitist toxic pool of Ledas while we, "pathetic dickriders" go and "cope" somewhere else, hope everyone is more comfortable this way 🤦♂️ I am tired of getting hurt through endless passive aggression and I have my limits. It is just always hurtful to finally rip the bandage, even IF it is to the better. I need a hiatus for a longer time, albeit for a different reason now
#fandomry rambles#personal#/vent#like no anon haters or even harass campaign can really hurt me#it is just people I consider my pals who can#back in april I split with a guy who likewise was miquella fan of a certain kind#and the worst part is that with him it was triggered by the SAME toxic user's antics#stupid how people were trying to gaslight me that they are 'merely sharing their opinions'#when they are clearly cultish freak cultivating toxicity of 'right and wrong' fans based on their HEADCANONS#screw you guys you are way too naive#I just can't accept this#even if I slipped a few times in THREE YEARS SPAN saying mean things abour gehrman haters#ive improved and above all it wasnt consistent but just bad days and reacting at THEIR insults#when someone *consistently* and deliberately mocks every fan that dares to feel differently?#this is just abhorrent and I don't understand people who accept this behavior only because-#-they happen to share headcanons and opinions with the op#there are more important things than agreeing on hcs and opinions! like climate in fandom!#ugh!!!#in any case it is clear what some people REALLY think of me isn't it!!!#now if you don't mind me I'll go 'cope' and elaborate 'shitty miyazakis writing' in my carians headcanons#if I can walk after 'riding fromsofts dick' so much -_-#I swear the worst chadahn stand can say is that you are overthinking because there is no evidence
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sometimes it's like. i don't really wanna have an opinion about this in public because i don't feel that strongly. but a lot of people are having ill informed opinions about it and i don't feel i can offer correct information without also an opinion. so i just have to suffer
#this is about nanowrimo lmao#having been involved with nano for fifteen years i can promise it was always a website/organised thing#and there WERE reasons for the website to exist and the community of the forums was a huge part of it#now they totally fucked that up a few years back but originally it was a massive part of it#especially bc when i joined nano twitter was like... barely a thing?#there were so few ways of finding a writing community at the time#very few wordcount trackers you didn't have to build yourself in excel etc#it had reasons to exist at the beginning. i would argue it has much less reason to exist now#but it wasn't a subsequent 'cashing in' on a concept#anyway.#the reason i don't have strong opinions about the current fuckery beyond an eye roll#is that i already walked away from being invested in nano because there has been So. Much. Fuckery#this is a nail in a coffin I'd already accepted was buried#and i get that people are more likely to care about the ai thing#as like. symbolic of wider societal issues or whatever#vs grooming and harassment and racism and firing all the MLs#bc that affects people in the community much more than people inside it#but. look. if you're gonna expound upon it#consider that nanowrimo started in 1999 and forums were THE way to connect with people online#and the website as it grew in the 00s primarily revolved around the forums#and continued to do so through the 2010s#and that no it wasn't just a social media challenge bc social media didn't exist yet#there IS a reason nanowrimo has a centralised website and organisation#it wouldn't exist without them#bc I can't be arsed to explain this again#*more than people OUTSIDE it
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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crazy how every non-voting post manages to turn into "it's okay if more people die as long as they aren't Palestinian :)" and just like. jesus christ. I know the genocide is horrific but letting more people die doesn't solve anything???
#though I guess most of it comes from people not taking Republicans at their word-#-when they say they're going to kill even more people than the Democrats will#yeah okay sure let's say we can't change the palestinian death count at all#that kamala is exactly 100% as bad as trump on that issue.#why is letting other people die acceptable?#why?#like if you were saving palestinians in exchange it'd make some sense#but you aren't#you're just letting more people die
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Still haven't messaged my mom back. And I don't think I'm going to.
#you know how they say time makes you look on the past with nostalgia and that's why elderly people think so fondly of past decades? not me#there are moments I look back on with nostalgia sure but the overwhelming feeling of looking back on my childhood is just whatever I do#wherever I go whatever happens that will not be my life again. my memory is long I made a promise to myself I intend to keep I don't forget#support you having your grandkids if their mother is deemed unfit yes. take the older two myself if it comes to it yes. move provinces to#live with you to look after the five of them together where you would be my only adult connection and there's a language barrier and I have#no work history and I'd be between five hours and nine hours away from any other connection I have answer's an absolute fucking no. I've#seen how you are with my sister how you were with my brother. who do you think they call when they've had enough of you? do you not#remember most of the beatings I took was because I was standing between you and my brother? of course not because according to you you#never did beat me but if you think I'm not aware that would turn on me again the second I'm no longer distant and just visiting if you#think you'd find nothing to complain about because you've built up this golden child ideal of me in your head and want to forget how it was#when I was actually in your care you are very very wrong. I remember. I know that inconveniences a lot of people who want to forget#unpleasant things about themselves. me too to be honest I have memories I wish I could erase but I can't especially with regard to my#sister. I defended my brother but not her. not enough. and it's probably why I give so much to her now more than I should because it's#enabling but it is what it is I guess. I won't use my memories against anyone just for the sake of it but I absolutely fucking will#to protect myself or others. you want a redemption arc without admitting to anything? keep being patient and kind towards#your grandchildren even if you end up having to take them and if you can't do it for all five of them then accept that it's better for the#older two to be with me. that's it. those are your options: the older two are with me so you only have to look after the younger three or#you need to buckle down and learn from your past mistakes to look after the five of them and all that is *if it even comes to that* which#as things are it's not in danger of that! it was a regular fucking visit to monitor the situation that's all; they're not getting taken#literally every time she freaks out about something it's a 50/50 chance it's actually something or she's invented a completely#twisted version of events
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actually confuses me how so many nonblack people want to make it seem like it's hard or something to not use aave bc it's literally so easy? you just have to not say words. and you can start any time. you didn't know a word or phrase is aave? now you know, don't say it anymore. it already happens anyway bc we bastardize aave so much, overuse one word or phrase that belongs to black people for a few months or something until it's not "trendy" anymore and then it's cringe to say it, so nonblack people stop saying it. what we can and should do instead is every single time we learn something is aave (and if you know/follow black americans you will hear about it!! just pay attention and stop only listening to white people!!) we immediately stop saying it and i guarantee you it won't take you long at all to start recognizing aave without having black people holding your hand through it. literally just listen and learn and then you'll be more and more used to recognizing aave and its appropriation and it'll be so incredibly simple to just not appropriate it even unknowingly
#that said i have still found myself recently realizing something is aave (but also widely used in the american south. i'm not american tho)#and i didn't know or realize before#so i mean it's fine to still mess up but i feel like we all know that! you do have to try tho!!!! and put effort into it!!!!#otherwise you can't say oh it's hard i can't do it well have you Tried first?#that goes for more than just aave too btw like the amount of times i've fought other white italians bc i told them they couldn't say the#(italian) n word especially older white italians and they were like but IT'S HARD and IT'S NOT FAIR and IT'S RIDICULOUS IT'S JUST A WORD#like fully insisting it didn't matter and it was hard to stop using it bc in their generation it was normal and accepted (by white people.#obviously. go tell them that tho) so why should they#it's not hard you just want to keep being ignorant and comfortable and not make an effort. die#nico rambles
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I'm FINALLY through with Dressrosa which means I'll be seeing our main man again soon, but now I'm thinking about how long I'm going to be in Whole Cake Island... like it took me a (relatively) long time to get through Dressrosa and Sanji wasn't even there for most of it! With WCI I'm going to be pausing every 5 minutes to get screenshots! Lord help me, I'm going to be stuck there for the rest of my life...
#I've got mixed feelings about wci‚ I can't decide if I'm looking forward to it or not#on the one hand‚ SANJI'S THERE WOOOO MY GUY I MISSED YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU#but on the other hand he has such a terrible fucking time there and it genuinely makes me kinda sad seeing my fave like that#when I read the manga I remember blasting through wci as fast as I could cuz I didn't like seeing sanji so fucked up#but anime arcs always take a lot longer to get through...#PLUS I dunno if this is just me but I don't really like his wci outfits at all??#the prince outfit looks kinda ridiculous and I don't think a fully white tuxedo suits him at all#which I'm pretty sure is the whole point of course#people parading around like they're better than everyone else are probably going to dress kinda ridiculous#and him being forced to wear a tux that doesn't suit him fits the whole theme of him not belonging there#so like... I GET it‚ I just don't like looking at it lmao#although the wedding part and the escape were both really great‚ mostly cuz sanji had finally accepted luffy's help at that point#so I'm looking forward to that at least!#ANYWAY SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH#the point is: there's gonna be a HUGE chunk of wci screenshots once the queue catches up so have fun with that#god I can't wait to get to wano‚ I LOVE his wano outfits (except for the raid suit imo)
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