#can't we just be masculine and/or men in peace

[restinslices]

If Aegon ii Targaryen Was A Sub

I forgot I said I was gonna post this weeks ago so here it is. Also before we begin, I feel like I gotta say that I DO NOT condone some of the shit he did in the show. This is not that type of party. I just think he has pathetic looking eyes and I’m known to make men subs. Let’s all just be horny in peace Obviously MDNI

A very needy whiny whore 

Needs attention and validation constantly 

Will actually start buggin’ if you're giving someone else attention 

And when I say “needy” I really mean that shit 

He's constantly tryna convince you to sneak away with him for a quickie. And if you're alone together? He definitely wants to fuck 

He's extremely needy and badly wants approval and appreciation but he's also such a fucking brat 

This man is a spoiled ass Prince. Are we surprised?

He's bratty in the sense that he likes pushing buttons but also in the sense that he just sometimes doesn't feel like listening to you 

Behavior that you'll have to make sure to correct 

Now when I mention anal you may wanna say “oh but I have female anatomy”. To that, I say “pegging”

Now you may wanna say “strapons don't exist in this universe” and to that I say “they have literal DRAGONS. Use your imagination and pretend they've been invented”

Now let's continue 

Idk why I feel this way but I can see him enjoying sex from behind. Especially while getting his hair pulled

Also has a thing for titty sucking 

Sucks on you while you ride him 

Or if he's bored 

Kinks and/or fetishes I can see him having are anal, barebacking, biting, breath play, dacryphilia, face fucking, free use, fingering (possibly fisting too), impact play, loud sex, name calling (whatever you wanna go by), orgasm control, orgies, praise, rough sex, and probably some other shit 

I just feel like he can easily be talked into anything. As long as he's getting pleased 

Enjoys the risk of possibly getting caught 

Turns him on even more if he's the one getting fucked 

Possibly getting caught fucking you is one thing but possibly getting caught getting treated like a whore? He'll cum from the thought alone 

Loves being told how slutty he looks

If you can fill his ass with cum, do it! 

Also enjoys being eaten out

He'll reach around to grab your hair and push his ass against you so your tongue goes deeper 

I can see him having a bit of toxic masculinity so you calling his ass a “pussy” or “cunt” will irritate him 

But in the same breath it makes him extremely hard 

His eyes are expressive so it's easy to tell when he's horny 

I don't see him denying it either 

Despises dry humping so it's a good punishment 

He's just way too impatient for it 

Other punishments for him could be orgasm denial, edging or refusing to touch him at all. Not just sexually. Like, refusing to kiss him 

Or telling him he can't pleasure himself could be a punishment 

Cock warming probably isn't his favorite either. Like I said, he's impatient. He immediately wants to fuck 

Has a fantasy of being fucked at a pleasure house while other people watch 

Also has a fantasy of having his mouth full of cum and it leaking out while he's being fucked 

Someone remind me to write these out 

I know I've said a bath for aftercare with other characters but like,,, who doesn't love a good bath?

Quick afterthoughts

He's definitely vocal. I just don't see him being quiet 

Doesn't mind getting woken up with sex

Cannot fully express how much he loves dirty talk

[genderqueerdykes]

I am entirely in the closet again about being a trans man because all of this "debate" about how we're all evil abusive liars who manipulated and deceived our way into the community to steal resources and oppress everyone. I hate it here.

the community is genuinely hostile towards trans men right now, so i can't blame you at all. like it's literally just everywhere. it's normal. it's literally seen as funny and cool and quirky to treat trans men like shit. to say that we're oppressing trans women by coming out and being men and being ourselves. to imply that we're all predators, that we all transition to gain male privilege, that all we're doing is transitioning to hurt women. to say that we're betraying women

it's disgusting. it's such a horrible way to look at other people. it's so deeply paranoid and untrusting. the fact that the most common rhetoric in the queer community right know is a cat hiss knee jerk reaction upon seeing masculinity and/or manhood is just ridiculous. there are so many ways to be a queer man why are we behaving like this?

kicking trans men and mascs doesn't help trans women any better. they're not "taking up limited resources". a bunch of new trans women aren't going to just spawn because those few transmascs stopped coming to groups and utilizing resources. men need those things too, whether or not people wanna accept it. trans men don't get paid as much as cis men. we still receive womens' wages in most places even if we pass. we don't have extra money or any extra resources by virtue of being men. we're usually pretty broke because nobody wants to hire an ftm tranny

it's not cool for people to proudly say they're scared of someone who isn't hurting them, but then publicly behead those people for saying they're uncomfortable with being stigmatized. stigmatizing trans manhood isn't going to accomplish anything. there's still going to be trans men. trying to talk us out of transitioning and being men won't always work. why are people even doing this to begin with?

i hope you're able to feel at peace with yourself sometime soon. you don't deserve to have to go back into the closet, but i completely understand why. even i've considered it because it's exhausting and people use it as a tool to abuse me and treat me like i'm a dumbass and just not listen to me. it's exhausting how badly people treat us and just don't give a fuck and think it's funny

[snowsinterlude]

I'm so sorry if I'm bothering you but I'm EATING UP that incel modern Coryo😫

He'd be absolutely awful after one (1) failed situationship he had and he's still a virgin, now he's always sneering at women and even men who he considers to be 'a threat' to him and his fragile masculinity and control issues lol

Coryo would be awful with you too at first! Or at least try. He'd be so so pissy, always throwing a hissy fit whenever you wear something 'too revealing' for his delicate palate and in reality he still kinda can't believe the fact that a girl willingly interacted with him💀 I like to think that on one side he can't believe it and on the other his entitlement rears its head and Coryo's like 'well yeah DUH'

The one thing that would shut boy up would be wrangling him down and shoving his face against your tit for him to suckle and finally let there be peace and quiet from his entitled yapping😭

anon i think you are a literal genius for that cause not only do i agree with you but i think coryo is the biggest sucker for titties on a general basis. thank you!!

it was starting to become an habit. you simply couldn't help but want peace whenever he opened his mouth to talk shit and at this point you were thinking that this was beclming psychic cause you always know when hes gonna start running his mouth around about your choice of clothes.

now, there were two sides of coriolanus snow who were two controversial if you thought about it too much. and you did. you nearly couldn't believe the man who was sucking on your nipple while massaging your boobs was the same man who would call you out on your choice of clothes everyday.

it started simple. a 'whore' here, a 'slut' there. it didn't really matter to you. what did matter was that he would spend his entire day pissing you off about it.

coryo is a very sweet boy, of course, you were the one who was dressed up like a worthless homewrecker cunt everyday. you were at fault. you should be grateful he was helping you out on that.

you were such a whore. miniskirts there. dresses who never went past half your soft looking thighs here. and of course, your tops and croppeds and your lack of a bra everywhere. his mind felt dizzy just looking at your soft timid nipples poking through your top's fabric.

don't get him wrong!! he is very sweet with his cousing tigris and his grandma'am. it just happens that some blonde bitch broke his heart and he decided that no female were worth it and all of them were whores. except for the women he lived with, this being his cousin and his grandma'am.

"aren't you ashamed? don't you have any sense of embarassment?" he asked you randomly one day.

"about what?" you raised your perfectly shaped brow, eyes on his, drowning on the pretty blue of his devilish misogynistic eyes.

"you're dressed like a whore! look at you- your skirt is above your knee, is not even close to it! your shirt is too tight and i- i'm seeing everything! you're almost naked!" he said, pointing to everywhere on your body but not even looking to your face. and he couldn't. he knew his dick would betray him the moment he saw your lashes flutter to him. "i'm not going out with you looking like that"

"corio, let's just go, okay?"

"no, i'm not-"

"coriolanus." damn. he shivered right there, gulping down hard on the way you looked at him. he knew it was decided already, you weren't going out at all. "couch. sit."

and he did. like a obedient golden retriever who knew that he made a mess. he was crying internally, afraid you'd leave him because of his kind words. you were like, supposed to be grateful for it. he was helping you out.

but you didn't dump him, for his surprise, you layed his head on your lap and caressed his hair. then the thing escalated a bit and his mouth was sucking on the soft tissue of your breast while your hand slowly pumped his cock.

"i know you don't want me to go out looking like that because you think is slutty, but we both know the real bitch in heat in this room is you," you said, as he dizzily nodded with his mouth too occupied to say anything. "you will have to learn how to behave yourself from now on if you want me to be with you still"

he hummed against your breast, his cock twitching on your soft skilled hand while he recieved all your words quietly, dumbly.

"you're not cumming today." he didn’t fight it. he knew he would eventually cum on your hand and cry for overstimulation because that was his punishment.

his punishment being overstimulation was more like a payment. for you, actually, because you loved seeing him cry while your warm walls squeezed his cock tightly with you telling what a bitch he was, saying his tantrums were on purpose cause he knew what would wait for him all while he tries not to cum right on sight.

[eva-does-their-best]

can you shut the fuck up youre making all trans guys look bad so fucking annoying. insane that u cant handle any fucking criticism whatsoever lol holy shit. whole ass fucking paragraph. gotta put that evil mean trans woman in her place right. god forbid someone gets frustrated at being consistently shit on by people in her community. im gonna be so real rn and say that as trans guys / tme people we have it so much easier its actually insane (coming from someone whos been thru corrective rape when i was 12 after i came out as a trans guy btw! theres my fucking pound of flesh. jesus.) not even rly trying to convince u but u just piss me the fuck off annoying as fuck

First off: So sorry about what happened to you, my most sincere condolences. It's the only thing I can really give, hope your life gives you enough peace and happyness to allow you to live with such an event.

Second:

You're making all trans guys look bad

I'm not a trans guy, I'm a transmasc, very different, a difference you should if not care about at least keep in mind if you want to respect less binary forms of masculinity. I don't speak as nor speak for trans guys, because I am not one, maybe if you actually read what I write you would know.

Insane that you can't handle any fucking criticism

Criticism where? Let me be absolutely blunt and sincere: All I see in the posts I replied to is tired, scared and hurt people who cope with said feelings by turning their vents into everyone else's problems.

I vent a fucking lot, everyone can see that, but when I vent I am sincere and point the source of my pain, how I feel, why I feel that way, and which people I believe reinforce it. What I don't do is go out of my way to involve people who have nothing to do with it or with how I feel.

Trust me I know how they feel, and the way they are dealing with it is incredibly self-destructive and I want nothing more than for them to get out of that shitty mental state that hurts them so they can feel better and have a slightly better life and emotional responses to the world.

Whole ass fucking paragraph

Yeah, that is how one transmits ideas. Shocking.

Gotta put that evil mean trans woman in her place right

I've replied to a couple posts so I don't know which one you're talking about, but I've no clue about the gender of the people who I replied to, I simply replied to shitty ideas, don't care who's behind them.

Pretty lame that you try to make this a gender war, don't you think?

God forbid someone gets frustrated at being consistently shit on by people in her community

"her" ok so this is you personally defending someone you know, I can tell.

Statement goes both ways don't you think? You think this is just for fun?? Yeah let's start a conflict that is affecting the lives of real people for fun!

We are fucking tired of the mockery, the disrespect, and the extreme policing of transmasc and trans men's language and experiences by people who have no say in them.

Do you care about that too or are you a hypocrite? Because when I reply to people's shit-ass posts I do in fact care about them otherwise I'd ignore em and let em keep hurting themselves.

"Oh but these ones attacked this person" I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. There are shitheads everywhere, in every opinion and side of any conflict. There are gonna be shitheads who use this as an excuse to attack people of a certain particular gender they already had something against, it is irrelevant to the ideas exposed. Let's not act like there isn't a whole plethora of posts about killing transmasc please, you SHOULD care avout that too.

As transmascs/tme people we have it so much easier

You're free to have an opinion about your own experiences and I have no horse in that race. HOWEVER:

•You're not the only transmasc in the world and your opinion is very clearly not a universal truth, so don't you dare spit on everyone else's experiences by deciding what's true and what's not without counting with them.

• In your dumbass dychotomy of "tma/tme" transmasc are not the only ones put on the "tme" label and the same way I cannot talk about YOUR experiences you have no fucking right to talk about everyone else's experiences specially the ones from other identities and lives that you did not get to be or experience.

•Without dipping my toes in your opinion or your experiences I profoundly disagree with you.

• Lastly, WHO THE FUCK CARES WHO HAS IT WORSE?! WE'RE ALL FUCKING HURT AND BROKEN WE'RE LITERALLY KILLED IN THIS WORLD FOR JUST EXISTING, YOU WANT A COMPETITION??? GO FIGHT FOR TRANS PEOPLE'S RIGHTS TO COMPETE IN SPORTS INSTEAD OF CREATING OPRESSION OLYMPICS. GET YOUR COMFY ASS OUT OF YOUR INTERNET ARMCHAIR AND GO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE WORLD FFS.

There's my fucking pound of flesh. jesus.

Again so sorry you had to go through that, but you realize the whole point of this is to be able to have words for those specific forms of opression and awful events right?? To have experiences like that respected and treated with the seriousness they deserve right??? That is what we want.

You experienced transandrophobia, and the people you're defending right now don't want you to have a word for it, or allow only words picked by them as if they had any right to speak for you. Respect yourself more, man.

Not even rly trying to convince u but u just piss me the fuck off annoying as fuck

Hey at least you're honest, good. I don't give a fuck though, if you wanna keep hating me I have good news for you: I don't plan to ever shut the fuck up, enjoy.

The one person you hate is not me anyway, that is plain obvious... but that's a you thing to try and work on.

Sayonara dude👋🏻

[luigilore]

you said you learned about stoicism in school recently and it makes sense that lulu fell into it as a man with chronic pain. can you educate the ignorant ones of us on why you think so? aka idk anything about philosophy haha

ah yes i did! i am in a lit of the self class and we've started to talk a lot about stoicism... i got a lot of what's below from my notes from my profs lectures!! i hope this is at least a bit helpful <333 thanks for letting me nerd out about philosophy

sorry this is long lol

idk how much he actually subscribed to stoicism or tried to implement these ideas into his life/lifestyle but i think there are a lot of similarities/parallels here in some of his concerns abt npc behavior, porn, etc.

stoicism broadly is based on the principle- or duty, of exercising free will and that reason (or logos) governs the universe. your duty to yourself is also equal to your duty to others, there is an emphasis on how you treat others, there is a sense of duty and purpose larger than oneself.

there is also a large emphasis on apathy, avoiding passions bc passions destroy ur efficiency. we can't take care of or even become ourselves if we are governed by our desires... very big on self control.

but at the root of stoicism is an encouragement to find and seek an inner state of indifference. this idea of indifference; that everything in nature is reasonable, you must accept- and even love, your fate and what is allotted to you... i think it can appeal to people in chronic pain.

achieving and seeking a state of indifference towards what you cannot control is incredibly hard, rumination is so easy, it's so easy to feel incredibly bitter and angry when you're in pain. i totally get why he might have been drawn to this and tbh i am also attracted to this pillar of stoicism! bc it's not like you can ever achieve painlessness so seeking indifference and peace and acceptance becomes a more realistic and healthy goal.

stoics believe you can withstand pain through the fortitude you can cultivate in your mind. this temperance and discipline can override this physical sensation of pain. also stoicism's emphasis on free will... chronic pain strips you of your agency, control over your own body, your free will.. again i can see why stoicism's very large emphasis on having a duty to retain and enact your free will would be attractive to someone.

when specifically talking about him as a man: the ideal stoic is virtuous, and masculine. at the root of stoicism (esp historically) is this very traditional idea of masculinity and discipline like it's a very gendered philosophy inherently.

obviously we dont know the extent of his back issues re intimacy but as someone w the same back probs... i can see how a man would feel emasculated. tbh not even just in a sexual context; chronic pain can feel very isolating and very dehumanizing in general. again, i can see how the emphasis on your mental strength and fortitude would appeal to a man who cannot find that in their physical strength or has had that stripped away from them. since physicality is so strongly linked to masculinity

i think though this can all be a slippery slope for men and can easily be weaponized to peddle much more harmful/shittier ideologies. like these grifters and weirdos who are so big on ‘the roman man’ and ancient culture in general and returning to that ideal… i also think there is a huge toxic masculinity element to this but what do i know! it's interesting, there are a lot of ideas of stoicism that appeal to me as someone with chronic back issues...

ig overall stoicism to me to is about looking inward for a sense of purpose and agency. but i think important to note that stoicism is also societally and historically contextualized by and understood through the hyper-masculine roman society it was a product of.

[princessleiadelrey]

Heyy,

For the Cherik Song of the Day, how about Little Talks by Of Monsters And Men? :)

Great suggestion, let’s talk about it!

Cherik song of the day is Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men!

This song is fun because of the duet aspect, the feminine voice is very much Charles’ perspective and the masculine voice is more Erik’s here.

The italics represent the more Erik lines in this vague analysis.

Highlights include:

“I don't like walking around this old and empty house”

“So hold my hand, I'll walk with you, my dear”

This call and response is so fitting for Charles and Erik, especially in context of Days of Future Past.

“And some days, I can't even dress myself”

“It's killing me to see you this way”

It’s giving ‘Erik finds out that Charles is falling apart (serum addicted, etc)’.

“'Cause though the truth may vary, This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore”

Love this line, because in the end (in the bad future in dofp) all Erik wanted to do was hold Charles hand…

“There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back”

“Well, tell her that I miss our little talks”

This is a cute thought for them- because while we know they are very different people they do miss each other and miss the (few) days before Cuba. Like future!Erik’s line in DoFP about wishing they had a few more moments together.

“Some days, I don't know if I am wrong or right”

“Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear”

Good reference for Charles self doubt that we see on full display in Dark Phoenix (but we know it’s there’s all along)

“Just let me go, we'll meet again soon”

“Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around, I'll see you when I fall asleep”

Honestly, I think they do dream of each other. Charles dreams of them living a perfect life in the school, Erik dreams of days of the past when he saw a moment of peace.

This is the first suggestion I’ve received! Thank you so much for reaching out!

It makes my gay little heart happy that people enjoy the Cherik song of the day suggestions :)

Send me all your Cherik tunes and I’ll analyze ‘em!

[rose-sophia-isabella-rogers]

A Steel That Went Through Hottest Fire: Chapter XIX - Brick by Brick

Chapter Summary: Kirigan has a plan that can help you end the war with Fjerda and Shu-Han. He just has to convince Nikolai it's a good idea. You struggle with the feeling of power you get from your amplifier. You try to push Aleksander away but he's not having it. Also, you mend a relationship with one of your friends.

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Alina Starkov/Mal Oretsev, Zoya Nazyalensky/Nikolai Lantsov, Fedyor Kaminsky/Ivan

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Nikolai Lantsov, Genya Safin, Alina Starkov, Mal Oretsev, Ivan, Fedyor Kaminsky, Zoya Nazyalensky, Tamar Kir-Bataar, Ehri Kir-Taban, Tolya Yul-Bataar

Word Count: 4491

A/N: Inspired by prompts: https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389090100557/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389090100616/ moy – my (masculine object) tsar – ruler, king

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

@marrymonrich

@wonderland2425

@chelseyyouraverageluigi

@thehufflepuffavenger1

@drinix

Nikolai has truly missed Alina. And Mal. But trying to decide anything with them, Kirigan, Ehri and Zoya in the room is almost impossible. He's not sure what's worse. Starkov and Nazyalensky bickering with the princess or the Sun Summoner and her husband arguing with the Darkling. Well, not exactly that. The peace advisor is mostly amused by the scoffing he gets from the couple.

After another one of such delightful conferences, the King decides he needs a drink. So, he's not protesting when Kirigan invites him for one. They go to his chambers and there sit with Fedyor and Ivan in silence for some time.

'Anyone else is having a headache?' Kaminsky suddenly asks. Lantsov grunts in answer.

'I honestly adore Alina,' he sighs and runs a hand through his face. 'But we won't decide on anything with her attitude.'

'It's understandable she doesn't trust me,' Aleksander says, not at all bothered. 'She won't agree on my ideas, expecting betrayal.'

'But you have good ideas,' Nikolai admits reluctantly. 'Zoya is even agreeing on them. Albeit, she's not happy about it.'

'I can't remember the last time I saw her happy,' Ivan huffs. Silence falls between the men once again.

'We're not ready,' Lantsov says a few minutes later, his voice quiet. 'When the battle with Fjerda comes… they will slaughter us all. Because we can't trust each other and come to an agreement about anything.'

'Then perhaps instead of focusing on something you can't fix at the moment, try focusing on something else?' Kirigan suggests.

'My window?' the King asks. 'I still want to know how it was broken.'

'Let's just say it involved some children,' Fedyor says with an innocent smile. Nikolai decides to let it go. For now.

'I was talking about our problem with Shu-Han,' the Darkling explains. Lantsov's eyes darken.

'I told you I can't demand anything from them,' he says. 'Yes, they attacked us. But we're still at war. Ehri and I are not married yet.'

'Which is precisely why they attacked so quickly and twice,' Ivan says. 'The moment you two get married, to attack us would be attacking the Shu-Han's people's favourite princess.'

'So what? Should we get married earlier?' the King scoffs. 'Not gonna happen. We have to wait for her family, who strategically delays their arrival. No doubt they're planning another attack.'

He looks at the Shadow Summoner, expecting an idea. It startles him how quickly it has become a habit for him. And the look on his peace advisor's face unnerves him.

'We could still use Ehri's popularity among her people,' Aleksander finally says slowly. 'If Fjerda were to kill her-'

'We're not going to get Fjerda to kill her,' Nikolai protests harshly. 'Nor anyone else.'

'She doesn't have to really die,' Kirigan says. 'After all, what was their original plan? That guard put in her place was to kill you, then kill herself with a Fjerdan weapon. People would get angry, take over Ravka and the princess would live happily on some farm or something. We can still do that. Just without the part where you die.'

'Thanks, I appreciate it,' Lantsov replies with sarcasm. 'So what, you want someone to kill Ehri's double with a Fjerdan weapon?'

'No, we just need people to believe Ehri was killed in an attack made by Fjerdans,' the Darkling reveals his plan. The King stares at him. And blinks. Then again.

'You want Fjerdans to attack us?' he blurts out.

'I would never want that,' Aleksander says with venom in his voice, standing up to pour himself another glass of kvas. 'But it's only a matter of time before they do. And I'm not talking about a battle. I'm talking about a sneak attack, infiltrating the Grand Palace.'

'Firstly, why would they do that if they're planning to fight with us, which we already know they want to do?' Nikolai says, standing up as well. 'Secondly, how would they even plan to get in? The Grant Palace is secure. Same as the Little Palace.'

'Nothing is ever impenetrable,' Kirigan chuckles. 'And of course, they will try something. They don't want Shu-Han to get the antidote first, do they? Nor [Y/N].'

Lantsov thinks. He sighs and sits down again.

'Let's say it happens,' he says. 'We win, Ehri "dies", Shu-Han gets angry. What then?'

'They join forces with us against Fjerda in retaliation,' Ivan answers. That part the King likes. He knows people would get angry enough to demand from Ehri's sister to get revenge.

'That still leaves me without a wife,' he says. 'And I need one. According to everyone but me, at least. Should I make an alliance with another country?'

'You've met the candidates, I presume?' Fedyor asks. 'Is anyone… acceptable?'

Nikolai winces. It's all the answer they need.

'Think about every woman you know,' the Darkling says. 'And I mean every woman. From each country. From your own country. Otkazat'sya. Grisha. Which one would be the best queen?'

Lantsov's eyes snap to his peace advisor. They stare at each other.

'That's what this is about,' the King guesses. 'You want a Grisha on a throne of Ravka. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not going to marry you. You're not my type. And you can't give me an heir.'

'You're not my type either,' Aleksander chuckles, amused. 'I want to marry [Y/N] one day. Besides, I told you. I don't want the throne anymore.'

'Then who?' Nikolai asks, exasperated. His three companions raise their eyebrows at him.

'Who would be the best queen from all the women you know?' Kirigan repeats.

'Zoya,' Lantsov answers after a beat. 'But she won't agree. She doesn't want to rule Ravka.'

'But she wants to be by your side,' Ivan counters. The King looks at him, baffled.

'What?' he asks and laughs. 'No, no, no. She doesn't think of me like that. We're… friends. Partners. But nothing else.'

'But you wish there was,' Fedyor says quietly. Nikolai thinks about it for a moment. He quickly shakes his head.

'No, it won't work,' he says and stands up. 'Well, thank you for a lovely time, gentlemen. Unfortunately, it's time to be the King of Ravka again.'

He quickly leaves before anyone can say something. Silence fills the room for a minute. Then, the Darkling looks at his Heartrenders.

'Was it like that with me and [Y/N]?' he asks. Kaminsky winces and opens his mouth to answer delicately, but Ivan beats him to it by saying:

'Yes.'

'Hm,' Aleksander hums and sighs. 'Well, that must have been annoying. Sorry for that.'

'What now?' Fedyor asks. Kirigan walks to the window. He looks out of it, crossing his arms.

'The only thing we can,' he answers. 'We wait.'

*

For some dumb reason you can't understand, Nikolai has decided to throw a party. Yeah, there are many reasons to celebrate. His engagement (though not a happy reason for you), Aleksander's return and making peace with him, Alina's return (also not a happy reason for you)… but you still don't understand why you had to throw a party. And now, you're suffering because of all the small talks. You're pretty sure you won't be able to stop smiling. Ever.

You have enough when you catch two young Grisha staring at your lover and giggling. They're basically ogling him. Appraising him like a piece of meat.

Over my dead body.

You walk to them. You're smiling but your eyes are cold.

'Are you two seriously checking out Kirigan?' you ask. They look at you and snort.

'Oh, come on, he's cute,' one of them says. They giggle again. Your eye twitches.

'I know he's cute,' you say and lower your voice threateningly as you glare at them. 'But he's also mine.'

'Oh, please,' the other one scoffs. 'You brought him back. You created the antidote. You've served your purpose. If you think he'll still wants you after he's done using you, you're delusional.'

There was a time where you'd agree. They'd probably be saying your own thoughts out loud. But not anymore. Now you're sure about the Darkling's feelings for you.

'Let's see about that,' you say, smiling coldly at them. You turn around and march to Aleksander. You tap his shoulder and he turns. Instantly, his eyes light up and he grins.

'[Y/N]-' he starts but you don't let him finish. You grab him at the back of his neck and pull to you. You kiss him passionately in front of everyone. And you don't care at all.

'My, my,' Kirigan chuckles when you pull away. 'What was that about?'

'Staking my claim over you,' you explain, glancing over your shoulder. You see the two Grisha red with fury and embarrassment.

'Ah, I see,' the Darkling says and puts an arm around your waist. 'Can I do the same with you?'

He pulls you closer to himself and presses a kiss to your neck, closing his eyes. You smile. You're about to answer, but then you hear a loud bang and screams. You sigh.

'I hate it when you're right,' you say. Aleksander lets you go (but very slowly).

'It was obvious they're going to attack,' he says. 'And that this party is a perfect moment for it.'

'I still don't like it,' you huff. Kirigan chuckles and looks around. People are already panicking. The guards and Grisha try to calm them down. Nikolai tries to take back the control. Zoya, Alina and some others rush out. Princess Ehri is being escorted out by her guards.

'Can you go with the princess?' the Darkling murmurs to your ear.

'You don't want me anywhere near the fight again,' you sigh.

'I don't trust Ehri's guards, so I would feel better if you were with them,' Aleksander says. You raise your eyebrows at him.

'And since when do you care about her safety?' you ask, suspicious. 'What are you really after?'

'In short?' Kirigan asks and you nod. 'I want Zoya and the King to be happy, have a Grisha on a throne and I need you to be the bait to achieve it.'

'Cool,' you say after a moment, shrugging. 'But if you want me to be the bait that means you want them to attack me.'

'I perfectly trust your abilities to take down some Fjerdans,' the Darkling says, kissing the top of your head. 'And if they hurt you, they'll end up like attackers from Shu-Han in Lazlayon.'

You beam at him and hurry after the princess. You hear him chuckle as you do.

The guards and the princess are obviously not happy when you join them. They quickly change their mind when you are indeed attacked by a bunch of Fjerdans.

You're scared of the exhilarating feeling you feel when you use your powers on them. You feel powerful. Unstoppable. You totally understand now why Aleksander wanted more.

You concentrate on calcium in the bones of one of Fjerdans. You disperse it, causing all of the bones to break. The scream of agony he lets out works on you as a splash of cold water. You go pale and take a step back, your hands shaking. When did you become so cruel?

Ehri's scream wakes you up. You snap your head and extend your hands. A brick from the wall flies from it and hits the Fjerdan attacking the princess in the chest. He bends over, gasping for breath. He's then killed by one of Ehri's guards. But then they fall over as well. They must have been hurt as well.

You look around. It's over. The two others Fjerdan were killed as well. The Princess' guards sacrificed themselves for her.

You lean on the wall and slump down it. Your heart is beating fast. Your breath is uneven. Your eyes are wide. You keep hearing his scream.

Maybe a minute passes, when Nikolai, Tolya, Aleksander and Mal show up. Kirigan rushes to your side at once. Lantsov does the same with Ehri.

'Are you alright?' they ask at the same time. You shake your head. The Darkling frowns, because he doesn't see any injuries.

'I'm… fine,' the princess answers, her voice shaking. The King stares at her. Or more specifically, at the red spot on her chest. But she seems fine.

'It's not mine,' she says, seeing his gaze.

'But we can pretend it is,' Nikolai murmurs. All but Kirigan stare at him, confused. He hides a smirk.

'Excuse me?' Ehri asks.

'Princess, I know you want to marry me as much as I want you, which means not at all,' Lantsov says slowly. 'You just want to live happily on some farm or Saints know where. If we pretend you died here… you could have it.'

'Why would I want it?' she asks, confused. 'Why would you want it? Won't our marriage bring peace between our nations you so desperately seek?'

'If your people believe you had died killed Fjerdans… they will want to go to war with them,' the Darkling explains. 'They will join our forces and together we will crush them. Nothing unites more than a common enemy.'

'And then they will turn on you,' Ehri points out.

'They won't, because I still haven't held them accountable for all the attacks inside Ravka,' Nikolai says. 'After the war is won… I'll have a chat with your sister. I know how to stop Shu-Han from coming on us. So… what do you say? Do you want to live the life you've always wanted?'

The princess hesitates only a minute. When the rest of her guards arrive, she's lying on the ground, her eyes open and empty. Tolya is discreetly slowing down her pulse so the guards believe she's dead. They rage and mourn. And you watch it all with haunted eyes.

You do the same things you did with Aleksander three years ago. Genya makes one of the dead guards to look like Ehri and her body is taken back to Shu-Han. Ivan and Tolya go as well, to express their sympathy, apologise for not protecting the princess, represent Ravka at her funeral and discreetly convince people that the right move would be to join them and attack Fjerdans for murdering their princess.

You know everyone is anxious to see if this plan works. But you don't care. After Ehri is taken away from the corridor, you rush to your room and lock it. You don't let in even Kirigan which deeply worries him. He has no idea what's happened nor how to reach you.

*

When you finally come out of your room, you come across Zoya and Nikolai. You're surprised to find them taking a stroll outside at midnight. Curious and hopeful, you follow them discreetly.

'… On another note, when will you stop being angry with me?' you hear Lantsov when you're close enough to hear their conversation.

'When you will find yourself another wife,' Zoya spats. The King sighs. Nazyalensky huffs and turns to face him, causing them both to stop.

'I didn't like her either, but you needed her,' she says. 'You may have Shu-Han's support or not. But you definitely won't have an heir without her.'

'Unless I do with someone else,' Nikolai points out.

'With who?' the Grisha asks, raising her voice a little. 'You dismissed all other candidates!'

'Because the one I want as my queen and would be perfect for that role is not one of them,' Lantsov answers softly. Nazyalensky frowns. You can almost hear her trying to figure out who he means by that.

'Zoya…' the King says, taking her hands in his. 'We're an amazing duet. I know I wouldn't have been able to do most of the things I managed to do without your help.'

'Obviously,' the Grisha snorts. You roll your eyes but smile.

'I can't imagine doing it with anyone else,' Nikolai goes on. 'It took me some time… and Kirigan to point it out… but I dismissed all the candidates for one single reason. They weren't you.'

Zoya stiffens, understanding where he's going with it. He gulps, more nervous now.

'I used to think you're like a storm,' he says and chuckles. 'But I got it wrong. You are a storm. The most beautiful I've ever seen. As Sturmhond I both feared and admired storms. Dangerous and beautiful. Strong, getting what they want no matter what. Destructible and astonishingly beautiful. All of that applies to you as well.'

Nazyalensky looks away. You can swear you see her eyes shining when she blinks.

'You care about Ravka with all your heart,' Lantsov continues. 'You treat fairly both otkazat'sya and Grisha. You… you could be the most just queen this country has seen in all history. And… you'd make one man incredibly happy. If you even let me ask the question you know I want to ask.'

'I don't want the crown,' Zoya says quietly after a moment. The King smiles.

'Which is why you're the one who should have it,' he says and exhales shakily. 'I won't ask it now. Please, just think about it. And when I'll be able to ask you this without being decapitated, let me know.'

Nazyalensky lets out a huff. Nikolai kisses her hands, looking her in the eyes. Then, he lets go of her and walks away, leaving her alone, pondering.

You stare at her for a moment, debating whether you should go and talk to her. In the end you shake your head, deciding to give her time and space, and turn around. Which almost makes you bump into Aleksander.

'Shh,' he silences you and puts a finger on your lips, as you're about to yelp, startled. He takes your hand and quietly leads you away. He takes you to his chambers. You don't protest. You know it's time for you two to talk. Once inside, he lets you go and you face each other awkwardly.

'I was worried about you,' he says quietly after a minute and looks at you pleadingly. 'Tell me what's wrong, [Y/N]. I want to help you but I don't know what you need.'

'I know,' you whisper. 'I'm sorry. I just… needed to figure out what I feel and… it took me longer than I thought. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you away.'

You feel tears in your eyes. Kirigan gently wipes them away. He takes your hand and leads you to his bedroom. You both sit down on his bed.

'Tell me everything,' he says softly. You inhale shakily.

'When Fjerdans attacked us… I controlled calcium on the bones of one of them… and broke them,' you start. 'All of them. Every single one at the same time. And I enjoyed having that kind of power. But then he screamed. And I realised what I've done. What I can do with my amplified powers. And it scared me.'

'As long as you're the one in control, you won't do anything more than you want to,' the Darkling says. You look at him with despair.

'But what if I want more one day?' you ask. 'What if… I'll start enjoying hurting people? I'll want more and more power?'

'Like me?' Aleksander asks quietly, not looking at you. You gulp. You didn't want this conversation to go that way. Silence falls between you two.

'I know better than anyone what you're going through,' he finally says. 'Well, maybe Alina does. But she rejected me, my experience. My fault, I know. But you have me. I promise to help you. Guide you. And stop you if necessary.'

'But if I desire more one day, maybe you could convince me to take over Ravka, like you've wanted,' you point out. He gently caresses your cheek.

'Past tense,' he says. 'I just want you to be happy now. And if you go after power… you won't be. It will never be able to fill the holes in your heart created by cruelty.'

He cups your face and makes you look at him. The softness in his eyes almost makes you cry.

'I know I may not seem as the best person to help you with your fear,' he says. 'But I'm a different man than I was when you met me. It has made me better, loving you. Which is why I know I can help you.'

You smile sadly and throw your hands around his neck after a beat. He puts his around your waist and holds you tightly.

'I love you,' you murmur in his shoulder. 'So much.'

'And I love you, milaya,' he says. 'You're my heart… my soul… my everything.'

'Can I… stay here tonight?' you ask shyly.

'You can stay here every night,' he answers and pulls away. But you quickly kiss him, not wanting to be apart. He chuckles softly and indulges you, not minding this at all.

It's probably not a surprise that you take your bath together. Nor that he helps you change into your pyjamas and you help him to get into his. And that when you get under the covers you instantly cuddle to him.

If it were up to you, you'd spend the next day by Aleksander's side. But he has lots of things to do. Including meeting with Nikolai.

'Tell me,' Lantsov says after they discuss the matter for which they met. 'When we first talked, you said you don't want your old position, that Zoya is doing a great job. But if everything goes according to your plan and she agrees to become my queen… she won't be able to be one. Leaving the position open for you. Was that your plan from the beginning?'

'No,' Kirigan answers. 'I truly believed she would to a spending job if she kept this position. But then… I got to observe you two together. I was amused. It reminded me of me and [Y/N]. That's when it hit me. That you're in love with each other. And then my mind went spiralling. How Zoya would be a perfect queen, how great it would be to have a Grisha on a throne of Ravka… and yes, the thought of me being the general of the Second Army crossed my mind.'

'Well, if it works, we win the war and Zoya will agree to become my wife… the position is yours,' the King says after a beat.

'I appreciate the trust,' the Darkling says.

'Well,' Nikolai sighs, 'I still don't trust you completely. But for now, you're holding to your end of the bargain. And whenever I see you and [Y/N] together my heart melts. Somehow… I'm starting to see you as a true ally. Who knows, maybe one day we could be even friends.'

'I'm looking forward to that… moy tsar,' Aleksander says with a smile. Only when Kirigan leaves some time later does Lantsov realises that it's the first time he addressed him like that. And for some reason he thinks that he meant it honestly.

In the meantime, while the boys have their meeting, you have your own. While you're reading a book, Zoya suddenly barges into your room. You stare at her, surprised.

'Do you sometimes hear Elizaveta's voice?' she asks, stunning you even more.

'Sometimes,' you answer, wincing. 'It gives me a great pleasure to shut her up. I take it you're hearing Juris' voice?'

'Yes,' Zoya sighs and joins you on your sofa. 'Usually, he has some good advice. Some teasing and annoying, but it's alright. But he won't shut up since last night.'

'Why is that?' you ask, deciding not to reveal you witnessed the King's proclamation.

'Nikolai proposed to make me his queen,' she answers after a moment of silence. 'Juris thinks it's an excellent idea. He also suggests I could overthrow him later. While I'm not sure about the former, I'm definitely not going to do the latter.'

'Good to know,' you say and exhale slowly. 'If you want my opinion, you'd be a great queen. Terrifying, but just. Exactly what the people need right now. Plus… it has the perks of being married to the man you love.'

She gives you a harsh look. You answer with a knowing one. She groans and runs a hand through her hair.

'I want to deny it, but I know better than that,' she says and suddenly becomes sad. 'I accepted that I can't have him. And now I suddenly could and… I'm scared.'

'Usually, to reach great things one has to overcome fear,' you say and take her hands in yours. 'I used to believe I can't have Kirigan. Now look at me. I'm with him and I'm happy. You can be, too.'

She sighs and presses her forehead to yours. She thinks for a moment, gnawing at her lip.

'After we deal with Fjerda,' she decides. 'Now it's too soon anyway, his previous fiancée has just "died". It would be too suspicious. Then… I'll decide.'

You smile and squeeze her hands. Suddenly, she looks at you.

'I still feel betrayed by what you did,' she says. 'But I also miss you. Can we be friends again?'

'Nothing would make me happier,' you answer, grinning. Zoya sighs.

'Good, because while I like Alina more than I did when she first arrived, she gets on my nerves,' she says. 'And I can't talk about it with anyone else, because everyone adores her. Besides you.'

'Ah, I knew you had ulterior motives,' you say teasingly.

'Obviously,' she says, rolling her eyes. You look at each other and burst out laughing. Just at that moment Tamar walks in. She raises her eyebrows.

'Am I interrupting something?' she asks.

'Nothing important,' Nazyalensky answers. 'What is it?'

'Nikolai wants to see you,' the Heartrender answers.

'I'll be right there,' Zoya promises. Kir-Bataar nods, sends you a glare and leaves.

'What was that about?' your friend asks. 'I mean, she never really liked you, but it's even worse after you had brought Kirigan back.'

'Oh, that,' you say and chuckle. 'She's angry with me and with herself, because while we were traveling to the Fold she asked me why I really was there. I said I wanted to bring Aleksander back right under your noses. And she didn't believe me, thinking I'm being sarcastic. And I wasn't. I was telling the truth, knowing very well she won't believe me.'

Nazyalensky stares at you, stunned. Then she bursts out laughing again.

'Oh, Tamar must be so furious about it,' she cackles and sighs. 'Brilliant on your side, I must say.'

'Thank you,' you say, beaming. She stands up and squeezes your hand.

'I'll come by later,' she promises. 'Something tells me I'm going to need you after this meeting.'

'I'm always happy to be of service,' you say. Zoya smiles weakly and leaves. You stare at her retreating figure and smile.

Yes. She's going to be an amazing queen.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could. Every comment makes my day!

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52696933/chapters/135558463

[pass1onepr1ncess]

NSFW Topic Warning

Stark contrast from the posts I usually make, but this one's gonna have NSFW topics because I'm pissed off about things so be warned.

It's really been getting under my skin lately that non-fetishized lesbian porn made for and by other lesbians is SO hard to find. Another alter in the system, his name is Milo, is a stricly gay trans man and it's SO EASY for him to find content when he wants it. Even gay porn of trans men! But the second I go looking for lesbian porn, all I can find is straight women being sexy at a camera for straight men to fetishize. And I can tell because there is such a wide difference between the framing and videography and tones of fetishistic "#lesbian" content and actual sapphic content and the former just makes me feel so gross. I don't want to be fetishized, I just want to be horny!

I refuse to use PH partly because of the fetishization but mostly because of the mass exploitation and abuse that happens on there that goes completely unreported and unpunished not just of adult sex workers but also of children and teens that shouldn't be on camera in the first place. I normally use Twitter, but that's where my problem lies in trying to find decent content! I managed to find a singular good account, but not only is all of their content just the same maybe 7-10 videos reposted every month so there's NOTHING new, but they also repost straight content and while that's not, like, a bad thing I just want to be a lesbian in peace!! Without straight people!!

I vented these frustrations with a friend recently and he recommended a BDSM site but the thing is I'm not really into BDSM. I'm not looking for kinky stuff like that- not that anything's wrong with it. BDSM is genuinely one of the healthiest lifestyles I know of when done correctly- I literally just want vanilla lesbian porn made by lesbians for other lesbians! And for some reason, that's so much to fucking ask for!

I think the part of all this that really ticks me off is that content of gay men is so accessible. I can't even count the amount of accounts on twitter who are all gay men (cis AND trans men) making exclusively gay content for other gay men, but the fact that I can't even find ONE good account for lesbian content? It pisses me off!

In all the strides we've made in being a more accepting society of LGBTQ+, why the fuck is it so hard to find stuff like this? Why do the queer men get to have a good time, but I'm struggling to find ONE good source of exclusively sapphic content? Not to say that queer men have it easy, we're all struggling in the same boat don't get me wrong. But it just sucks that the sapphic side of the boat still has a good amount more water in it than the boys' side.

All of this in addition with the stereotypes? The whole thing of people expecting sapphic relationships to be a masculine, woodworking, flannel wearing butch and a dainty, nails and makeup, princess-like femme when there is SO much more than that! Butch4Butch lesbians I love you so much, Femme4Femme lesbians you are doing SO great sweetie. Lesbians who don't really fall into either category, you are incredible! Nonbinary lesbians, you're amazing and keep up the good work! Transbians, you are the bravest fucking people on the planet and I hope you get to fight God one day because you WILL win and you deserve that W.

Not to mention the weird purity culture involved with other queer people trying to palette us for straight people? Saying that lesbians as a whole are soft and nice and pretty? Girl, we're not all coquette and Lana Del Rey. Some of us are, sure, but there is literally no way to try and market lesbians to heteronormative society in a little bow because we don't all fit in one box! And yes, lesbians have sex! It's not all soft romance and cuddling and holding hands on cafe dates. Just like literally every and any other kind of couple, while there's still romance and cutesy moments we still get horny and worked up like literally any other person on earth (Other than asexuals. Not all of you, of course. Shout out to asexuals who still have sex, I see you and you are loved). And what happens when we do? We fuck! We have hot lesbian sex and it's great!

Also, might I add that it's really misogynistic to try and label lesbians as this group of pure, innocent, soft and fluffy group of women who couldn't possibly have a sex drive! Or on the other hand, saying that all lesbians are horndogs who can't keep themselves off each other- because I've seen that one, too! I hate being labeled like this, why is it SO HARD for people to just accept that lesbians are literally just people. We're just like everyone else- the ONLY thing different is that we don't wanna be romantically or sexually involved with men. That is IT!!!!!

And in terms of the lack of good sapphic content, it also goes beyong porn! Literally every sapphic show I've seen released in the past few years has been cancelled after ONE season and then a lot of it just gets deleted entirely so that one season isn't even available anymore!! But the you have Heartstoppers and Love, Simon and I just! I'm happy that we as a community have fought hard enough to have these things. I'm not trying to drive a wedge between the achillean and sapphic communities. I just wish us sapphics got the same treatment as the men do.

I love being a lesbian, don't get me wrong. But sometimes I am exhausted from being overlooked. From being glanced over and shoved into a box that I nor anyone else in that box fits into. I want to be a lesbian in peace.

[teamloyalty]

look how football players who are for some reasons not classified as "GENDER CONFORMED" based on some toxic masculinity standards are being treated...jules koundé dares to wear boots with heels or experiment a bit with his outfits and sense of style in a somewhat more fluid way and the french call him julia. pavard gets outed by a paparazzi who said he's gay (true or not, we don't know) and because he perhaps looks slightly more elegant/soft than average he's made fun of or called the f word. those rumours of mbappe dating a trans woman as an excuse to drag him or call him freak.

if I were a queer footballer I would never ever come out. never ever.

i'm with totally with you, anon. truly i see no reason why a queer footballer should risk any semblance of peace for the rest of their lives to come out lolz it really is that dire. and its all SO wrapped up in sex like

not sure i'm going to say this well but - what makes an athlete a successful representation of the ideal man is his ability to perform hegemonic masculinity in all facets of his life; because these men are high performing athletes (the peak expression of masculinity) they're also expected to perform masculinity at an elite level in all other respects as well. these toxic norms of masculinity emphasize domination, over most other men and over ALL women (and anything perceived as feminine).

and the minute an athlete transgress the boundary into anything NOT distinctly male, they're called gay -- or at the very least treated as though they are gay. queerness indicates an inherent wrongness about the male body, something sinister in the way gay men use their male bodies for acts outside the realm of acceptability for real men.

and this is a problem because by definition elite male athletes model for the rest of society the most successful, most masculine, perfected use of the male body.

look at the way that people responded to just the SUGGESTION that declan rice would love his [white, blonde, VERY beautiful] girlfriend because she's midsized. (they'll call her fat and she's not. she's midsized at most.) she does not conform to the highest possible beauty standards so ppl think that he could do better, find some prettier, skinnier woman to fuck (because that's all he could possibly want in a partner: the hottest woman to fuck, and to demonstrate to the world that he's fucking her). i've seen people wonder if he's not attracted to women at all. why else would a famous young athlete want a fat, ugly girlfriend? (she is neither of these things). he MUST be gay.

THIS IS A STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIP.

idk man its just sooooo darksided. maybe out players wouldn't receive direct in-person harassment from fans at games, but anyone who knows anything about how homophobia actually operates in society at large and isn't a fucking idiot knows that homophobia isn't solely damaging in the form of physical in person violence. football fans online can't even handle someone wearing fucking rainbow shoe laces. FUCKING SHOE LACES.

and that's not to mention the myriad of ways that implicit bias would impact out players, negatively affecting their ability to make connections in the game, acquire brand deals, move to the right clubs, etc etc.

well-meaning people in the football world will say that for forward progress, a few brave footballers just need to come out and normalize queerness in the sport. they're too entrenched in that world to recognize that its very foundations are rooted in homophobia.

[crazyboy3million]

Sound off about how you feel about this bc I truly have no problem with discussing it even if you disagree... Here is one of the main reasons why I can't get behind "transandrophobia" as a real term and can't really take posts using that term seriously even if I agree with the points made themselves.

I think it's a very vapid and misrepresentative term for the unique experiences with transphobia that transmascs experience. I think that it stems from transmascs reading about "trans misogyny," which represents the unique intersection of transphobia and misogyny that trans women face, and the thought process from there is "well, we should have a word for our version of that too, let's just change misogyny to a word that means anti-male."

My issue with this is that androphobia does not exist in the wild. The patriarchy has no room for "anti-masculinity" or "anti-maleness." These are baseless ideals reinforced by terfs alone that are typically just used as weapons against trans women.

My theory is that there is an extremely uncomfortable and unfair truth that the transphobic bias against transmasculinity is also a product of misogyny. "That's what we mean by transandrophobia" is not an explanation for the way people actually use that word. Transmascs who post about "transandrophobia" are not a monolith, but every single one of these posts that I've come across has at least undertones of trans infighting and trans misogyny, and an underlying or even overt agenda that mainstream society has a problem with men. I've seen a lot of very obviously fake or exaggerated stories about trans men being belittled by trans women and I believe that these stories are used to spread the bitter idea that trans women hate or envy or look down upon all trans men, when really it seems like the storyteller just met a tgirl who's kind of shitty in her own way. (Btw, I've seen plenty of posts from trans women that seem to have a weird bitterness against trans men, and those seem to also contain sweeping generalizations based on anecdotal evidence. It goes both ways and it's always bad).

Terfs hate us because they want us to be women. They see "deviance from womanhood" in trans men as a product of undiagnosed mental illness or the manipulation of vulnerable little girls. The way I see it, it's rooted in misogyny and anti-masculinity in women, and not anti-maleness. This is of course stupid bullshit that is incredibly dysphoria inducing, and my first instinct would be to come up with another explanation for it as well. Still, white men--it's a different story for black men, which can't be chalked up to "androphobia" either--are not belittled for being masculine in a society where the patriarchy dominates not only social rules but laws and politics. This is why I sort of get an early stage mens rights activist vibe from "transandrophobia."

So to conclude, I think this term indicates a lack of critical thinking about roots of the unique experiences that we, as men, have with transphobia. I think it's used too commonly among trans men who want to establish a hostile division between us and trans women. Solidarity is hard. Sometimes it's an uphill battle. I think if we all approached discourse with the desire to understand and appreciate everyone's point of view, it would just make us all feel a little more peaceful at the very least.

I understand where transandrophobia truthers are coming from. I've been there, I've regrettably touted transmedicalism in the past, I've resisted educating myself out of the fear of being wrong, I've started useless arguments with people online that just raised my heart rate, and now I've given up on being divisive within the trans community and all I want is for people to just hear me out on this stuff even if they still end up hating all of my points and disagreeing with me in the end. Idk if anyone will even see this, it's just something that's been on my mind lately. Pls if you disagree with me at least try to be nice about it 😭 ok bye I'm done

[atlantic-riona]

A lot of people will say that women weren't allowed to do anything in the past and therefore only a few brave women fearlessly challenged the patriarchy and thus changed history, but I think maybe we should reframe our mindset to one where women don't have to participate in traditionally masculine activities to have any worth. Like I'm all for reading about female pirates and warriors and queens and so on, but I think that acting like only the women who fought in wars or voted had any meaning does such a disservice to the far more interesting story of women throughout history.

For example, I was reading about how during the Civil War, both the Union and the Confederate soldiers were seizing merchant ships that had strayed to the "wrong" side. Often these merchants were the wives and children helping out in the family business. This account that I read described how this ship was taken and the soldiers were trying to explain why to this merchant wife, only she was vehemently protesting. I distinctly remember her saying something along the lines of, "And what would your mother say about this, young man?" while her five or six children were behind her. It's just...that's something I can hear any mother say today! And the soldier didn't tell her to shut up because she was a woman, or anything like that. He had a job to do, and he had to do it, but she was clearly Not Going To Be Moved. And being a woman didn't change that.

And it's so interesting to consider how our perception of society in the past is most likely influenced by our perception of the present - we can't imagine how women could have accomplished anything without things like the legal right to vote. In another book I read, it talked about how during the early American Republic, women were instrumental in politics. They were seen as a moral voice and precisely because they couldn't vote, they were seen as neutral, and often worked behind the scenes to achieve compromise and peace between factions. That's actually a major reason given by the many women who opposed women getting the vote - they would lose that kind of power in society.

It's also fascinating how people assume that in the past, all men must have held women down, when in actuality, that... wasn't quite the case. In a book on seafaring women, the author noted that there were actually quite a few instances of women pretending to be men and joining the navy or army. As long as they did their job and didn't make any enemies, most men looked the other way.

This is not to say that women were never oppressed or men were always champions for women - you can't make generalizations like that for any group in history - but it's certainly a more complicated story than "all women were sad and oppressed, except for the few kickass women who picked up a gun or sword and showed the men what for." I really wish we could get a more nuanced view of women in the past, beyond the few who decided to fight in a war.

[thetempleofthemasaigoddess]

Pilot!Boromir headcanons

Boromir x reader. NSFW!! (moodboard)

Friends with benefits to lovers; obviously modern AU.

This was inspired by this post, and me remembering about Sean Bean's role in Flightplan. Eru, this man looks so good in a pilot uniform...

*****

✈️ His father is an important politician and/or entrepreneur, and Boromir was supposed to follow in his footsteps, but he has always wanted to be a pilot, fly and spend his life in the sky; as a consequence, as soon as he was of age he enlisted in Gondor's Air Force to pursue a military carreer as a pilot. This caused an unexpected, unprecedented rift between father and son, but since Boromir swore that if his father tried to stop him, he would leave and never return home, Denethor had to grudgingly accept his son's decision, hoping in his heart Boromir would one day change his mind and take the place his father had prepared for him.

✈️ He serves in the army for many years, becoming one of the most capable pilots in the Air Force, both in peace and in war. After a few years he is injuried during the Amon Hen Battle, where he risks his life protecting a pair of civilians in reaching his plane and then flies them to safety while a bombing is taking place around them.

✈️ After that, he decides he has had enough of the army, and his father's hopes are definitely dashed when he decides to accept his friend Aragorn's offer to work for his company, Elessar Airlines.

✈️ And this is when he meets you, a capable stewardess working for the same airline and mainly flying on long-haul routes - just like him. The first time you meet in the company's offices, for you it is not love, but lust at first sight, and how could it not? Tall and athletic, a face that is a textbook example of masculine grace (strong jaw, expressive brown eyes, the sort of nose you would normally look for on a marble statue) Boromir must be one of the most handsome men you have ever met, and when you shake hands, and you hear his deep, musical voice repeating in a murmur the name you have just given him (as if he wants to make sure he understood it correctly, or likes it so much he wants to taste it on his tongue) you immediately know your interest is fully reciprocated. "Welcome to Elessar Airlines, mr. Hurin; I'm sure you'll enjoy working with us." "Thank you. I look forward to working with you, miss (last name)."

✈️ You work together on three flights in the following six weeks, which gives you the opportunity to break the ice and get to know each other. You are impressed with his past as a military pilot, which he shares with the sort of quiet, down-to-earth pride of a man happy to have done his duty and who because of this doesn't look for praises or compliments, and with the clear affection in his voice when he speaks of his younger brother, Faramir (who is pursuing a carreer as a diplomat) since your relationship with your own siblings is much less close and affectionate. On his part, Boromir listens with interest when you tell him about your job or your interests, discovering he can't take his eyes off you while you talk.

✈️ You are sharing a drink at the airport bar one evening, waiting for boarding time, when his leg brushes against yours under the counter; you smile, immediately sure he did it on purpose, and Boromir smiles back, aware you are both thinking about the same thing. "We have about thirty minutes before we need to get on board." he murmurs, his face suddenly so close to yours you can feel his breath on your face, and you feel yourself shivering "How about we... find somewhere a little more private?"

✈️ You immediately, and happily, accept, and a minute later Boromir is closing the door of the (fortunately empty) pilot lounge behind you, your bodies already flushed against each other, your mouth pressed against his in a breath-taking, hungry kiss. "Eru." Boromir murmurs; his hands are moving frantically on your body, caressing, stimulating, and making you wish your neatly pressed uniform were not in the way "You are driving me crazy, I have wanted you since the very moment I saw you..." "You can have me." you answer in a moan, already drunk with desire; your back pressed against the wall, you lift your leg around Boromir's hips, pressing your pelvis against him and feeling him already hard from you "Please... please, I need you inside me..."

✈️ Unfortunately, Boromir's phone and yours ring almost at the same time, calling you both on board sooner than expected for a consultation with the rest of the crew you'll be flying with; by then, you are sitting in Boromir's lap, your panties on the floor and your mouth on his naked chest, and stopping and composing yourselves requires a tremendous effort. "Listen, I'm sorry as well." you murmur as you kiss him once more while Boromir puts his jacket on, feeling as unsatisfied as he looks "But we'll have time. I'll have a room by myself at the hotel when we land; you could come visit me."

✈️ That brings a smile on Boromir's lips. You leave the room and meet with the rest of the crew, the co-pilot and the two male stewards who have no idea you are still wet and he has a semi as you take care of pre-boarding, and you share a secret smile before Boromir leaves to reach the cock-pit and you wait for the passengers. You are both too professional, and aware of the risks, to slip away during the flight, even though all the planes have a tiny room reserved for the crew where pilots and stewards can retire to rest; you force yourself to focus on your duties, making sure all the passengers are comfortable, checking their tickets, serving lunch and making sure they fasten their seatbelts when requested, but you can't stop thinking about him, the tall and handsome man responsible for the safety of everyone on board, and who soon, you know, will fuck you until you can't even remember your name.

✈️ After a tranquil flight, you reach the hotel where the crew will spend the night before your next shift. You have barely time to leave your luggage on the floor, take off your shoes and visit the toilet, before you hear knocking on the door. You are already trembling with desire as you open it; Boromir is there, still in his uniform except for his jacket and tie, and the desire burning in his eyes is enough to make your heart skip a beat or three. He enters and "Come to me, woman." he says opening his arms to you, and normally you are not used to passively obeying men's orders, at least when you are not working, but you feel you can make an exception for him: you jump in Boromir's arms, and you are already kissing him passionately while he carries you to the bed.

✈️ From there, things develop naturally. After that first, magical night, you ask him to meet at your place; Boromir eagerly accepts, and you spend the whole night having sex; there is an adoring light in his eyes as he holds you by the waist, his free hand playing with your nipples, his long legs entwined to yours. "My place next time?" he proposes, and you start kissing his torso, confident it will be clear enough for an answer. It seems almost too good to be true: you have found a passionate, inventive, generous lover, as hungry for you as you are for him, and no matter how many times you sleep together, you are never tired, never bored, and every time you part with a kiss, neither can wait for your next date.

✈️ You are not exactly hiding your relationship, since nothing forbids the two of you from being together, but at the same time you tacitly decide to keep it to yourselves, and you both find excitement, and fulfilment, in having sex where you could be caught, disregarding the fact that you both live alone and could therefore meet at your place or his. One day, shortly before take-off on a return flight you are working on with another pilot, Boromir sends you a text with a long, detailed description of the things he wants to do to you. You read it three times, and then you have to excuse yourself to the toilet, where you touch yourself towards a quick, powerful orgasm that nonetheless leaves you unsatisfied before going back to work on shaky legs. Five agonizing hours later Boromir is waiting for you at the gate, and you let his hand guide you to the airport's parking lot, where his car is waiting for you, and your lover makes good on all his promises, holding you by the hips while you bounce above him on the driver's seat.

✈️ Then there are the lounges. The airport toilettes. The hotels in foreign cities you never get to visit, and where one of your separate bedrooms is invariably left unused. One day, after a long separation (six excruciating days in which your shifts never matched, and you had to make do exchanging pictures, texts, and making each other climax with phone sex) you have him come at your place directly from the airport where he landed; Boromir is exhausted, but immediately forgets it when he finds you lying on the bed, wearing only a pair of high heels and a thong, a flute in your hand. Would you like some champagne, sir?, you ask in your professional voice, and that is the night you discover it is physically possible for a man to come four times in nine hours.

✈️ In the end, you join the Mile High club together. When you confess him that having sex on a plane has always been a secret desire of yours, Boromir surprises you making your dream come true... just, not when you're flying, since it would be unprofessional for a pilot to leave the cockpit after take-off, no matter how urgent the impulse he has to take care of is, and both of you'd get undoubtedly fired if discovered. A couple of guys working for the company's security service owe him a favour, and one night you and your lover slip on board of a plane grounded for security reasons. You kiss desperately as you walk along the carpet-covered corridor towards the first class area, and make love on the pilot's chair, him sitting and you riding him like you both like, and then against the instrument panel, your thighs around his waist and your mouth finding his in a sloppy but passionate kiss. You whisper his name, you moan it, you cry it; no one hears, fortunately, since you're the only two people on the whole runway, but he does, and that is what really matters.

✈️ He is not into toys, and being tied up is too frustrating for a man used to always retain control on things around him. On the other hand, he is happy to indulge your preferences, be it exchanging hot photos when you're in public, or sucking on your breasts until they hurt.

✈️ If you want to make him hard, you call him mr. Hurin, in a sultry tone you quickly learn to use when you are together. If you want to make him come within two minutes, you call him sir. If you want to make him forget his own name, you call him captain, and prepare yourself to walk funny on the next day.

✈️ You like both giving and receiving oral sex, Boromir enjoys being sucked, but obliged when you ask him to return the favour, and discovers he is naturally talented. He likes anal sex, but at the same time wants to look at you in the eyes while he takes you, and thus you prefer to do it standing, leaning against a chest of drawers in your bedroom, in front of a large oval mirror; his lips leave a trail of fire on your skin, and no matter how exhausted he is, he always takes you in his arms to carry you to the bed. "Are you all right?" he gently asks, chastely kissing your forehead before lying next to you; he always asks, no matter how enthusiastically you took part in your lovemaking, and you always nod, and then happily snuggle against his side.

✈️ He asks you once, out of curiosity, if you'd like to open your relationship to a third partner, provided you find someone you both like and can trust. "Absolutely not." you decisively ask as you caress his chest; you don't even have to ask whether the third partner would be a male or a female, because it would change nothing "I only want you, and I want you to have eyes only for me when we are together. Please, let's not talk about it anymore." Boromir obeys; he doesn't express his own opinion on the matter, but he seems satisfied of your answer.

✈️ He likes seeing you in your stewardess uniform, so much that sometimes you surprise him wearing it when he visits you, after you have taken off your bra and panties underneath. Lingerie excites him, and since you refuse to accept money from him, even if as a simple gift, he buys you things he'd like to see on you; when you meet at work, he imagines you wearing his gifts under your uniform, and can't wait to take it off you. Once, you leave a pair of lacy panties under his pillow, as a surprise for when he'll wake up; he carries it with him in his pocket for the whole day, before cornering you in the company's parking lot. I think you left this at my place last night, he says after a long, trembling kiss, your body pressed between his and the door of your car, do you want it back? Or shall I teach you to take good care of the things you are gifted?

✈️ One day after a particularly memorable night, you realize you have scratched his back with your nails; Boromir doesn't mind, so lost in the world of pleasure you had created together he hadn't even felt the pain, and after a moment of guilt you feel quite proud of it, and happy at the thought he is carrying a sign of your passion on his skin, evident enough anyone who sees him would realize. Emboldened, you start biting his neck as you kiss, not so hard that it hurts but enough to leave a bruise, and two days later, when you join your colleagues at the airport for a new flight, you hear an older steward ask Boromir if he is sick, since he's wearing an heavy scarf over his shirt. Just a cold, your lover answers, impassible, and when your gazes meet he tries to scowl at you, but he ends up smiling as he sees you laughing behind your hand.

✈️ Everything is going great between the two of you. You sleep together at least three times a week, either at his or at your house, and while most of your dates begin in the bedroom, you soon discover you sincerely enjoy each other's company; you like falling asleep in your lovers' arms, his body keeping you warm better than the heaviest blanket, while Boromir enjoys resting his cheek on your chest and feeling you play with his hair. You enjoy long talkes, freely discussing personal matters as well as work issues; Boromir appreciates you are not wont to gossip, while you like he actually cares about your point of view as a stewardess, unlike other pilots who consider the other company employees beneath them. Yes, everything is going great, and six months after that first, magical night in the hotel room, you are still completely crazy about each other, fully satisfied of that (initially) purely sexual, no strings attached, relationship... and at the same time, finding yourselves wanting more.

✈️ Boromir is jealous. Naturally protective, and often possessive, of the people he cares for, Boromir finds himself hating every man who approaches you or that he suspects is interested in you, even if he has no reason to fear for your safety. He knows he has no right to feel that way, since you are not dating or anything and never even talked about making your sexual relationship exclusive, but he can't help it, and the simple thought of someone else touching you like he does, or worse, making you feel pleasure like he is so proud he has done for months, makes him see red. He has to bit his tongue to stop himself from asking about it any time he hears a masculine voice coming from your phone, he tries to discover who among the male colleagues you are friends with is single and could as a consequence pose a threat, and that time a wealthy passenger buys a costly perfume from the onboard shopping catalog and then gifts it to you together with his number on a piece of paper, he feels the irresistible urge to throw that cretin off the plane, even as he sees you politely refusing both offers, since the company guidelines forbid you from accepting gifts from passengers. Is this the only reason you declined?, he can't stop wondering, and would you have accepted otherwise? Is there already someone else in your life, someone you see when you're not with him, someone you like more than him and who could one day take you away from him...?

✈️ Your fears are different, albeit equally deep and distressing, and mainly concern the possibility your lover grows tired of you. After all you have slept together for months already, and no matter how intense the connection between you is, how passionate your lovemaking and how often he whispers in your ear you are so beautiful, so good for me, so tight and hot, and how amazing you feel when he's inside you and that no one has ever made him come so hard, sooner or later inevitably enthusiasm dwindles and boredom sets in; Boromir is an attractive man, you have seen passengers (of all ages, and all genders) giggling and looking at him with admirations on every single flight you have worked on together, and many of your fellow stewardesses likewise make no secret of their attraction. What if eventually someone catches his attention? Someone more beautiful, and younger than you, or pursuing whom provides a more exciting past-time than your by now established relationship? You are not tired of him (you have come to suspect you never will be) and there is nothing you wouldn't do to keep him by your side, but you can't stop fearing one day you will lose him...

✈️ Soon, you both realize you have developed feelings for each other, a discovery that does not surprise you (good, and even exceptional, sex does not necessarily translate in love, but what has been born between the two of you was too intense, too special and intimate and deep not to affect your heart) but that puts you both in a predicament. Could each of you confess your feelings to the other person, potentially finding out they did not reciprocate? You had never spoken much about your relationship, to give it a name or establish rules for something that made you both happy and satisfied, and while you had not explicitly decided to keep what there is behind you strictly physical, neither of you had ever said or done anything that could led the other to suspect a desire, or even just a willingness, to transform your acquaintance in a romantic relationship - a committed, serious romantic relationship, because this is what both of you had come to desire. If it came out you wanted different things from your rapport, could you ignore it and go back to being simply friends with benefits? It would be good (it would be great) even though you couldn't help wishing for more, and in the secret of your hearts you both think anything would be preferable to lose each other. But what if you simply couldn't go on like you had, and disappointment and bitterness ended up separating you? What if the one who did not reciprocate their lover's feelings ended up falling for someone else?

✈️ Neither of you could be described as a timorous person. As a pilot, and a former military pilot at that, Boromir had been prepared to make potentially vital decisions in the span of a minute, and you had likewise never allowed fear and uncertainty to guide you. Still, as you keep meeting for the best sex of your lives, sharing intimacy and secrets and laughs and pleasure, you both decide what you share is too important, too precious and special, to risk it... even if it could mean the beginning of something even more marvellous.

✈️ In the end, the solution of your quandary is found not by you, nor by your handsome lover. You had not spoken about your relationship with Boromir to anyone else, more because it was simply a matter that only concerned the two of you than because you had to keep it secret, and your dearest friends simply know there is someone in your life who makes you very happy. He, on the other hand, is an even more private person, disinclined to discuss his personal matters… except with the person he trusts the most in the world, and with whom he has no secrets. "I have been seeing a woman." he confesses one night he and his brother have met for drinks in their favourite pub and remained there for hours just talking as usual, indifferent to everything and everyone around them. The pub is a nice place, he reflects, mainly frequented by men, but one day, it would be nice to bring you there, and have you taste his favourite drink… "I have met her on the job, she's a stewardess, and… she's amazing, Faramir. I have desired her since the moment we shook hands, and for… nine months now we have been having sex, the best of my life, I never even thought I could feel like this… she's everything I have ever wanted in a woman, in a partner, and then some." "Then why the long face?" Faramir, who has started dating his future wife Éowyn three weeks ago, asks, and he listens intently as his brother confesses his fears (something Boromir has never been good at doing) that the woman he has grown to care for so much does not reciprocate his feelings, would break up with him if she knew they want different things from their relationship, and could one day, worst of all, fall for someone else.

✈️ "Do you love her?" "I don't know; I have never been in love before, but I have never felt anything like what I feel for her, so yes, it might be love." Boromir says, shrugging; he doesn't care about names and labels, but he knows he wants more, he wants all of her and wants her to have all of him. He wants to share more than her bed and the warmth of her body; he wants to stop fearing he could lose her any day, if only someone else catches her gaze "I think… in time, I will grow to love her very much. But I don't know if she feels the same, she's very affectionate and I know I can... I mean, that she's satisfied with what we have now; and that's the problem. Maybe she's happy like this, and she could never see me as anything but a sexual partner..."

✈️ Faramir knows his brother doesn't want to be consoled or advised on how to tackle his problem (which he would be unable to do in any case, since he doesn't know the woman his brother has developed feelings for and has no idea whether she reciprocates either); what he needs is to be listened to, and Faramir is happy to lend him his ear, intimately saddened to see his older brother so uncertain, and at risk of having his heart broken. "I'm sure you'll know what to do when the time is right." he says, and while Boromir seems actually comforted by his words, he feels he can, and as a consequence has to, do more for him...

✈️ ... which is why on the next day he visits Aragorn at the company's office, under the pretext of inviting him for dinner but in reality with a very different intent. "I know there is a stewardess here named (name); will you tell me how to find her? She is not in trouble or anything, but I can't tell you why." he asks; Aragorn decides to trust him, and luckily you are at the office right then, having had to come for a meeting with your supervisor and other stewardesses. The moment the two of you are face to face it takes you a moment to recognize him, because Boromir has a framed photo of the two of them on his bedside table, and because the man in front of you is a slightly younger, vaguely gentler version of the one you have slept with for nine months. You know he doesn't work for the company and you have no idea why he has come to see you; for a terrible moment, you fear something has happened to Boromir, but Faramir hurries to reassure you. "My brother has told me about you; believe me, I would never intrude in his personal affairs, but he cares greatly about you, much more than he has ever told you, and obviously you don't have to lie to him about your feelings to spare him the disappointment, but... but sometimes the only thing stopping two people from finding happiness is themselves, and fear. Boromir has never been afraid, never since I know him, and this is why I beg of you, take care of him, and of his feelings. I'm sure you'll know what to do when the time is right."

✈️You remain where you are, dumbstruck, while Faramir thanks you for your time and leaves; after a while, you finally move, reach your car in the parking lot and drive home, where you spend an hour walking in circle and staring at the wall, your mind possessed by a single, simple and at the same time terrifying question. Now what?

✈️ "(name)?" Boromir says, appearing in the living room in front of you, and for an absurd moment you could almost believe you were thinking about him with such intensity, you had him appear by magic. "Are you all right? The front door was open." he says as he reaches you; you had completely forgotten you had decided to meet at your place tonight, and you were so engrossed in your thoughts you hadn't realized you hadn't locked the door as usual. "Yes, I'm fine; sorry, I was... thinking." you explain as you greet him with a kiss as usual, that he gladly reciprocates. You look at him, feeling the gentle but possessive way he's already cradling your hips in his hands, the pleasant scent of his aftershave making you shiver; oh, to Mandos with it, you think, I don't want to be afraid either. "I saw your brother this afternoon." you confess as your lover has already started kissing your neck, gently biting a point on your throat he knows makes you see stars "He... hmmm... he came at the office to talk to me... about you. About what you told him last night."

✈️ Boromir reacts as if he had seen the gates of Mordor open in front of him. "I can't believe Faramir would do something like this." he murmurs, and suddenly he can't even meet your gaze "(name), I... I am sorry, it doesn't have to matter..."

"But it does; it does matter, and please, don't be angry with your brother, he was only trying to help." you explain, taking his hands in yours "And I am happy he did it; very very happy, in fact." You hesitate for a minute, searching the right words and at the same time simply enjoying the closeness of his solid, warm body; as long as you are together, you think, you'll never be afraid. "There is a party I have been invited on Sunday. It's nothing special, just a friend celebrating her birthday, but it should be nice... and I'd like you to meet my friends; and one day, if you want, I could meet yours. What... what do you think?"

More than seeing it (you can't, since you're staring at your feet) you feel him smile softly. "I'd like that." he murmurs before kissing your hair; his mouth has touched every single inch of your body, and still, no kiss has ever been sweeter than that "I'd like that very much."

[satansbutterfly]

I'd like to take a moment and thank everyone for your follows and your interest in my page.

I would like to express that I have identified as a Trans female for quite some time and feel most comfortable doing so.

There seems to be an old stigma,or misconception around the Trans community that I'd like to express. I met a few that just don't want to or can't understand.

It is very insulting when we are called crossdressers,when we feel inside like we are women.(or men)

This isn't a fetish,we don't get off every time we wear the clothing that fits our personality

When we go out it's not just to get laid, sometimes we just have to hit the nail salon or spa, even grocery shopping. Isn't that what normal people do?

So simply we don't crossdress,we experss our true selves in a way that is comfortable for us.

I have always had a deep feminine soul and now that I can fully express that,

I like others am at peace.

How we express our masculine or feminine side is our journey wether it suits your understanding or not.

Sexual expression is a completely different topic,I love to sexually express myself and don't have a lot of limits doing so.Giving pleasure is such a good thing and I am a Satanist which allows me the freedom to live the life I desire.

Does anyone feel the same way,just curious.

I don't come home everyday shave off a beard and decide what girlie thing am I gonna wear,I live what I am

Girls wear tee shirts and jeans too,and I saw a "man" with painted fingernails.

And sluts have no gender...Hail Satan

[godstaff]

What will make Diana fall for Clark, most woman perfer Bruce Wayne?

Kal and Diana became friends because of trust, mutual respect, admiration and compatible values, goals and objectives. They were always true to the other. Both of them were outsiders, trying to fit in a strange world, which made them even closer. Their way to look at the World is quite similar, wanting to be protectors instead of instructors. To become life partners is just a small step away. How do I know this? My life partner and I also began as friends and co-workers and, after a few years, developed feeling for each other. Now we are together. I think this gives me some little authority on the subject.

Now, back to Diana and Kal: they could declare themselves Queen and King of the World, yet they prefer being called friends, teaching love by example. Peace is their main desire, that's why violence is always the last resort. They aren't afraid of acknowledging their mistakes. They are not perfect and can apologize in front of the people, promising they'll keep on trying not to make mistakes they can't turn back.

As for Bruce, it makes absolutely no sense in the life and upbringing of Diana of Themyscira. Her culture taught her not to trust in men and the Patriarch's World. Unfortunately, Bruce Wayne and specially Batso are the epitome of what male dominance means and what that represents. He can't trust a woman he can't control. He can't conceive there's awoman he can't control. Talking about toxic masculinity, so she doesn't have any reason to even look at him in a friendly, least of all a romantic way. She can work with him as a colleague, with reservations, but not much more than that. Batso is the teenage girl fantasy, with all that smugness, mystery and danger. He's like the teen biker all cheerleaders pine for, until they discover there's nothing more. Everything about Bruce is a façade, a construct carefuly built to hide a traumatized manchild with undeveloped feelings. Bruce is damaged goods, he's a total showoff, untrustworthy and twofaced. And that is him as a friend. Diana has no use for a man like that. As she saw beneath Kal's attempt to conceal his secret identity, she can see what's benind Bruce careful knitted web of lies, and she's not impressed. She was once the Avatar of Truth, so truth is paramount to her, she can't trust him as far as she can throw him. And she can thow him very, very far.

Everything alluring about Bruce, Diana doesn't want or need:

Money. No thanks.

Looks. She could date an Olympian god so she desires.

Intellect. His intellect is very vast, but the mind behind it is, as said, broken. Bad foundation.

Power. People, people...we are talking Wonder Woman here. Power? Mpfff!

Strength. Same.

Sexual prowess. Dude: Bruce is an ant and Diana is an aardvark. He's not even breakfast for her.

Determination. Diana left her lavish lifestyle and Paradise to go to a strange world to fight for truth and justice. You want to talk determination?

Diana and Kal want, at any cost, to avoid letting people think they are somhow superior. Bruce is very fond of showing off his supposed superiority everytime he can. According to Confucius, Bruce is always in the wrong room.

"Most women prefer Bruce Wayne"? Take away his money and we'll see.

[haitanishousehold]

Traitor

Pairing: Yasuhiro "Mucho" Muto x Original Character, various pairings will be added as the story goes

Genre: Angst, crack, possible smut

Warnings: substance abuse, drugs, violence, not canon compliant, suggestive, language, blood, mental issues

Synopsis: There was a prince, his princess and his loyal paw. Loyalty is such a wide term, especially if come to love. After all, you can't be loyal to the one and same person your whole life. It's not about surviving, it's about living. | More or less canonical travel through events from Tokyo Revengers from the quite different side. A lot of crack, angst, domestic fluff from Haitanis Household. Based on an OC as the main character. 2. Zero to hundred and crash

25/10/2010, Monday

"This time only with pure intentions" Sora raised both of her hands in a peaceful manner. 

"What is exactly that intention?" Hanma asked, crossing his hands on his chest. He was sitting on an old, worn armchair, on his right side Chonbo and Chome, on his left Choji had taken a place. Sora didn't feel anywhere near comfortable under him as the armchair was placed above three stairs and if it wasn't enough, surrounded by over a hundred completely strange men. The only thing that had given her a feeling of relative safety was the fact that Reaper introduced her as Haitani. 

"We want to take part in Toman's great fall." She quickly explained.

"We?"

"Me and my broken heart." Sora theatrically sighed, waiting for Hanma's reaction. 

Shuji Hanma was an unpredictable case. He might look dumb. He might sound dumb. He might pretend to be dumb. But he wasn't dumb at all. Actually, out of all leading delinquents in Kantou, he might be the smartest one. Or, at least, one of the smartest ones. 

That's why he got the hint immediately.  

"You gotta know I'm not taking stray cats in here."

"I'm not a stray cat."

Tension between Kabukichou's infamous Reaper and Yakuza's princess was so powerful that nobody dared to breathe too loud. 

"Fact, you're a spoiled banana girl who thinks this is another way to entertain herself. How can you prove you're useful?"

"How do you want me to prove my usefulness?" 

That was a good question. Hanma didn't know how to deal with a girl since the delinquents circle was quite masculine. However, he had to admit, at least to himself, that the Haitani name would empower Valhalla even more. Even if it was Haitani's pet. 

"Every single one of those gathered here" Hanma waved his hand around "had become famous by being an unstoppable, fearless and merciless warrior. You gotta prove your power, I won't tolerate any of my subordinates bringing me shame in a fight." Hanma clearly stated. He looked around. "Eenie, meenie… you." He pointed his finger on one of Valhalla's fighters, standing in the third or fourth row of the crowd. "Test miss Haitani." 

The boy Hanma pointed to stepped in front of the gathering. He wasn't anything special, just an average man at his age. Valhalla's members made a bit more space, expecting what was coming. So was expecting Sora, turning to her soon-to-be opponent. She smiled slightly and waved at him. 

"No weapons, Haitani" Hanma pointed out. Sora reacted immediately, grabbing the backpack she was carrying, taking her beloved machete out and dropping it on the floor in the colorful gesture. 

After this, everything happened quickly. She rushed towards her opponent, throwing the first shoot. This was quite an even fight, considering the amount of exchanged hits. 

Sora wouldn't say it was going very good since she had been served powerful hits in her stomach and one in her jaw. Valhalla's warrior wasn't holding back just because he was fighting a girl, which Sora quite appreciated. 

In the end, she managed to pull him to the ground and catch his leg in a hold that Rindou once taught her. If the boy wanted to finish that fight without a broken leg, he had to surrender.

Haitani let go of him and stood back on her feet, turning her face to Hanma and his captains. 

"And? Impre…" Sora opened her mouth but sudden, blunt pain on the top of her head didn't let her finish. She groaned and grabbed the aching place, feeling a metallic taste of blood in her mouth. Turning around to spot an aggressor, she noticed her former opponent, standing with a metal pipe in his hand. Everyone around them frozed. 

"What the fuck did you just do?" Sora spat out. Immediately, the whole world became red in her eyes and she didn't fully realize that he was saying something about not losing to a girl. She looked around and spotted her abandoned weapon laying on the ground. "You're a fucking goner." 

She threw herself at him with the machete, and he did not remain debted. Although she was dizzying from the impact, she managed to hurt her opponent. The blood was poured, both her and his. Sora was not entirely sure, but he seemed to cut her eyebrow. It had to be true, because the blood began to drip into her eyes and limit the field of view.

Choji wasn't very enjoying the spectacle, but he knew he couldn't do anything as long as Hanma didn't tell him to. He had been looking at his leader every now and then but Hanma seemed to be completely invested in a whole fight. After a while that felt like eternity, Hanma spoke up. 

"It's enough, you're gonna kill each other!" He yelled out, sick smirk still on his face, but none of the fighters really heard him. He patted Chonbo's arm and told him and Chome to get them apart. Choji rushed right behind them but Hanma held him back. "Not you." Masked boy looked up at him and frowned. There was something about him and Sora that Valhalla's leader didn't like. Probably the fact he even brought her here. 

Chonbo grabbed Sora's wrist when she was about to pull another slash on her opponent. "It's good, Haitani" He said, letting her know she shouldn't try and keep fighting. On the opposite side, his brother pushed the other man away and kicked him in the ribcage, when he was trying to get to Sora. "Are you fucking deaf? Hanma said "no weapons", you damn moron" He spat out, turning around and going back to his place on the platform. 

Sora had to admit she was very grateful Hanma stopped the fight. She didn't see much anymore, the whole world seemed to be red out of anger, her head felt dizzy and she felt like she was going to pass out. Even though she managed to hurt the guy several times, he was quite a good fighter too and she got many solid hits on her head, back and stomach. At least she was sure he's going to remember her with a couple of scars she for sure caused. 

She assured Chonbo she had given up so he let go of her wrist. Turning around, she made a really drastic picture – all bloody and panting, looking up at Hanma with a blunt smirk. "Impressed?" 

"Not really, I've seen better. You're interesting though, welcome in Valhalla" He said officially and clapped his hands. "I'm tired of you all, dismissed" He waved his people off. "You" he pointed out to the man he chose to test Sora before, "Come here." It didn't surprise anyone when he approached Hanma, all startled, and got a solid hit on his jaw. "Try to ignore my commands one more time and I'll drive your head over with my bike. Understood?" The man nodded rapidly and got himself out of the hideout as fast as possible. The hall deserted very soon and Sora turned to the exit too.

"Stay, Haitani, you're a mess" Hanma called out. "Choji, patch your bitch up, she's bleeding" He turned to his captain and jumped off of the platform, heading to the back room. 

"She's not my bitch. Are you my bitch?" He sighed and asked, while leading her behind Hanma. 

"I'm not your bitch." She shook her head and immediately regretted it. 

"See? She's not my bitch." Choji shrugged the whole thing off. 

Turned out there was a small back room in Valhalla's hideout. Previously, when the Arcade was still working, it surely was a Staff Room. 

Choji pointed out at the chair and Sora simply sat down. He handed her some band aids and sanitizer. Her head was hurting way too much to argue. 

“Why did you establish Valhalla?” She asked curiously. 

“I’m bored.” He answered bluntly, pulling a beer out of the small, barely working fridge. “Now, what are you really here for?” 

“I told you.”

“You put up some show, I don’t know what you were talking about.” 

“For real. I wanna take someone from Toman down.” Sora said, sighing when she cleaned up an especially ugly wound. 

“Who?” Hanma asked, raising one of his eyebrows. 

“You’ll see when I succeed.” She answered simply and fished her phone out of the pocket. “Gotta go.” 

When she got up from her seat, Choji followed her.

“I’ll drive her home and come back.” He muttered, pulling the hood over his head. 

They left the Arcade and headed to Choji’s bike. 

“Hurts?” He asked. 

“Like hell.” Sora sighed, taking a place behind him. 

When she arrived home, she tried her best to avoid meeting her brothers. 

“Sora?” She almost reached her room unbothered when Rindou’s head appeared at the door of the bathroom. 

“Yeah?” Sora muttered, not turning around to face him. 

“Ran called you a couple of times.” Rin said, walking out of the bathroom. Sora frozed with her hand on the doorknob. 

“I was with friends.” She explained. “I’m literally over 20, I don’t have to tell you where I am.” 

“Turn around.” The middle Haitani said coldly. Sora had nothing better to do than doing as told. “Why are you all beaten up?” He asked, his jaw tightened. 

Sora turned her head to look at the wall and avoid her brother’s piercing gaze. 

“So you really went to Valhalla?” He asked after a long several seconds. Rindou Haitani was never dumb, he usually connected the dots well. “Fuck, didn’t we tell you you don’t have to follow Izana’s orders?!” He raised his voice. 

Sora sighed as Rin’s voice sent a wave of pain through her head. “I’m not following his orders. I do this for myself.” 

“For yourself? How is getting your ass beaten doing something for yourself?” 

“Izana promised me a high position in his ranks.”

Rindou scoffed. “You’re not joining Tenjiku. You’ve got everything, me and Ran are working our asses off so you don’t have to be involved in shit like that. What more do you want?!”

Sora and her brothers barely fought. But this time his words sent her off the edge. 

“I don’t want to be dependent on father’s or Ren’s mercy anymore!” Sora growled. “I don’t want to depend on your protection my whole life. I’ll become powerful myself, no matter what you’re saying.” She said boldly looking straight into Rindou’s eyes. 

He looked like he was about to leash off but he collected himself after all. “Enough. We’ll talk about it when Ran comes home.” He spat out and headed to his room. 

Sora shook her head. Before going to bed, she quickly showered and cleaned up her wounds again. It didn’t look too bad, not too well either. 

Sleep had come to her faster than she expected. She would’ve probably slept till the late morning if not for her phone buzzing like crazy. She looked at the bright device. 

[Yasuhiro<3] 01:30AM: Can you come out?

Sora frowned and even if she wanted to ignore him after the days he had gone without talking to her, she got up from bed and pulled some hoodie and sweatpants over. As she had already experience in sneaking out of the house, she walked out in the freezing air unseen. 

Looking back over her shoulder every now and then, she followed the path that led to the playground she would often meet with Mucho. As expected, he was already sitting on the bench under a huge tree with his arms crossed. 

“What the hell happened?” He asked, when Sora came into the light of the street lamp. 

“I fought for the spot in Valhalla.” She said, trying her best to sound unbothered by his presence. 

“Did you win?” 

“Kinda yes, kinda no. But they got me in.” She sighed and took a seat next to him. 

The silence fell over between them for a few minutes. 

“I wanted to talk.” Mucho said eventually. 

Sora looked over at him, feeling her stomach twist. Things like that never sounded good. 

“We can’t keep seeing each other anymore.” It was clear that the conversation wasn’t easy for him at all. 

“Are you breaking up with me?” Sora said, her voice stern. 

“Don’t be mad at me, okay? I never wanted it to turn out this way.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” She growled. Her eyes widened when she got the specific thought. “Are you seeing someone else?”

“Hell, no. This is nothing like that.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Then explain.” 

It took Mucho another couple of minutes to speak up again. 

“This is wrong. I feel like I’m betraying Ran and Rindou.” He muttered, looking at his feet. 

Sora rapidly got up from the bench and turned to him. “Are you serious? You’re dumping me because of my brothers?!”

“You heard Ran the other day! I can’t afford to lose their trust!” Mucho lost his usual cool. 

“But you can afford to lose me?” She asked, feeling her throat tighten. 

“Please, Sora. Just think about it.” He said, shaking his head. “Do you think I’m that dumb to believe we have any future together? There will come the day when your family demands from you to marry someone as prestigious as you yourself. And by that time Ran and Rindou will find out about us.” He explained, trying to compose himself. “S-62 is everything I’ve got. This is the only family I have.”

“You can’t be serious.” Sora said as she frozed in her spot. She looked at him with wide eyes, her brain didn’t seem to proceed with the whole explanation yet. “What about you stop being a bitch and man the fuck up?!”

Mucho scoffed and got up as well, he started pacing back and forth. Her last sentence apparently hit the spot. “It must be so easy for you since you’ll never take responsibility for your actions. You will never understand things like that because you have never had to fight for your spot in this world!” He raised his voice. “And don’t try to act like you know anything about us. Our world isn’t for spoiled daddy’s girls like you.” He didn’t quite mean to say this but he knew he had to hurt her as much as possible so she gives up on him. 

“I’m not spoiled…” Sora tried to disagree before he cut her off in the middle of the sentence. 

“Yeah? So why did Ran and Rindou go to juvie and you didn’t? Because daddy backed you up. Because they took your fault on themselves. How do you even live with that?” He hissed, bending slightly over to look her in the eyes.

Sora was looking at him for a couple of minutes. He couldn’t handle her hurt gaze, so he turned around and kept on pacing back and forth. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that this way.” Mucho muttered under his breath. 

“I can say you meant every single word.” She scoffed. “You’ve been dying to tell me that the whole time we know each other, haven’t you? Why did you even date me in the first place if I’m that bad?” Sora muttered with an audible hurt in her voice. 

“It’s not like that. I do like you, but… But it doesn’t matter.”

“You know what? First I wanted to make up a lie that I am seeing someone else, but I couldn’t bring myself to do this. Now I know I should have cause you don’t understand thing straight.” He said quietly. 

Sora let herself think his words through. 

“Go to hell, Mucho.” She said without any emotion in her voice. Then she turned back and walked away, not waiting for him to speak up.

She could feel tears rolling down her cheeks. She didn’t even notice them forming in the corners of her eyes, but they were there already when she was looking at Mucho and he felt like a shit for that. 

“Stop playing with things you can’t handle before you trip over your own pride and ruin your life.” Mucho said with a sigh. The conversation didn’t turn out the way he planned, he didn’t mean to lose his calm attitude he was known for.

“See you on Halloween.” She spat out before leaving completely. 

26/10/2010, Tuesday

As soon as Sora came back from her final exam, she dressed in loose pants and an oversized shirt and buried herself under the covers. 

Last night was a total disaster. After she came back from the confrontation with Mucho, she couldn’t sleep. She was aware of how important the incoming exam was, yet she couldn’t bring herself to sleep nor to study. She spent hours before exam on dull staring at the wall and analyzing every single word Mucho had said. And she still didn’t understand his reasoning. 

Sora was switching like a rollercoaster between pure anger and trying to understand what he meant. There were also waves of sadness when she remembered all good things about them. How happy they were when it lasted. 

It took her several minutes of fidgeting in bed to realize she wasn’t gonna fall asleep that easily. She was in fact exhausted but the storm in her head wouldn’t go away. As she sat up, she reached to only help for things like that she knew. She pulled a red pill out of her bedside table and swallowed it without a drop of water. 

After a while, the pill apparently started working as she began feeling calmer and sleepier. 

And when Sora finally laid her head on the pillow peacefully, she could swear only around five minutes passed by before her sweet princess nap was disturbed by someone aggressively yanking her arms. 

“Sora, Sora, the fuck!” Ran shouted. It had been already two minutes since he entered his sister's room and tried to wake her up, unsuccessfully. “Wake the hell up!” He shook her shoulders once again, apparently panicked. 

“God, Ran” Sora mumbled, sitting up and gently pushing her brother away. “I just came back from the exam, I’m exha…” She grabbed her phone and realized it was way more than five minutes. “Oh.” 

“Jesus fucking Christ” Ran spat out, clapping back on the bed, miraculously avoiding to crash on Sora’s legs. “I thought you had taken some shit again.” He explained. “You’re gonna be the death of me” He muttered to himself, looking like a tired father of a teenager.

“Nope, just couldn’t sleep last night.” Sora lied smoothly. She leaned back against the headrest and stretched. “Have you just come back? Where have you been since last night?” She questioned, urging to change the topic. 

“Taking care of something for Izana. Nothing important.” Ran shrugged the thing off. His face suddenly wore a serious expression. “Rindou told me you had a disagreement yesterday.” He said, eyeing closely her bruised face. 

“Well, yeah. I’m not changing my mind though.” She nodded softly. She still could feel the bruises and cuts  all over her body aching. “I need to be someone by myself.” She stated, Mucho’s words still hanging on the back of her head. 

Ran looked bluntly at her for a few seconds. Then surprisingly… Chuckled. 

“I knew this day would come sooner or later. Couldn’t keep you away from this by being overprotective, I guess.” He shook his head slightly. “I could’ve seen those… urges in you since a long time. But I thought I could hold you back. After all, you can’t fight genes, can you? You’re just like us all”. Ran continued with a deep sigh. 

“What do you mean?” Sora frowned. 

“Go for it if you want. But don’t die, okay? I couldn’t handle burying Rindou or you.” Ran said with an almost invisible shade on his face. “But you have to know that even if we’re coming to watch the fight, we won’t be able to help you if anything happens. That’s the rules of this world. I hope I taught you enough about fighting.”

Sora nodded gently and sighed. “I’m sorry, Ran. I’ve been selfish and didn’t quite consider what you and Rin were doing for me.”

“Well, finally.” Rindou said, standing at the door. He was quiet for the whole conversation and Sora didn’t even notice. “This wasn’t very educating of you, Ran.” 

The older Haitani shrugged with a soft smile on his face. “I told you, Haitani genes are way too strong.” He stated. “Izana and guys are coming over on Thursday, if you’d like to spill anything about Valhalla. Take a rest now, I ain’t gonna ask you about the exam, we bet you slayed.”

Ran stood up and headed to the door. 

“Boys..?” Sora started. Part of her wanted to apologize for the things that happened years ago. Apologize for not standing up to her own sins. But the words stuck in her throat. “I love you” She muttered instead when they turned to her with a hum. 

“I love you two too.” They both said at the same second. 

28/10/2010, Thursday

“You look terrible, Haitani.” Shion Madarame chuckled as soon as Sora walked in the living room, where the S-62 gathered. “Almost as if Ran was beating you at home.”

“I’ll heal up soon, you’re looking like a wet rat on a daily basis.” Sora scoffed, pushing herself between Ran and Kakucho on the couch. 

“Let him live, he’s seeing a girl.” Mochi said with a smirk on his face. 

“He’s seeing what?”

“A girl.”

“Like a delusion? Have you had your meds?” 

“No, like a person.”

“Breathing creature? No way.”

“Enough, go to the point.” Izana cut them off, slightly irritated. 

“So as I said, the fight is happening on Halloween.” Sora started the explanation. 

“You think Hanemiya can really put Mikey down?” Kakucho asked, looking at Sora and Mucho. 

“No way.” Mucho muttered.

“I wouldn’t be that sure. Hanemiya is… Unhinged. He should’ve been in the psych ward, not in juvie. And I’m not even joking. All he’s talking about is how it’s all Mikey’s fault.” Sora stated, looking down at the floor. 

“How is Mikey’s fault he killed his brother?” Shion chuckled. Izana frowned for a second. 

“How many people have Valhalla?” Izana turned his eyes to Sora. 

“Around 350, I asked yesterday. We had the final gathering before the fight. 300 ex-members of Moebius and 50 Hanma gathered already under Valhalla.”

“And Toman?” He asked Mucho.

“More than 100.” 

“So let me get this straight. Toman has Mikey, Draken, Mitsuya and so on. Valhalla has Hanma and Kazutora.” Kakucho concluded. 

“And Baji.” Sora added.

“Huh?”

“Baji used to be Toman’s founding member. They disagreed with Mikey over something and he claimed to leave for Valhalla. So far I know, Hanemiya and Baji were childhood friends and he follows him now.” Mucho said, nodding slightly. 

“Wait for a second.” Izana suddenly cut Mucho off. “Is your boy from Moebius or Valhalla?” He asked Sora.

“Moebius. He used to be Kisaki’s right hand when he temporarily led Moebius.”

“Who?”

“Tetta Kisaki. He’s now Toman’s captain.”

“Didn’t it occur odd to you that he followed Hanma to Valhalla and not Kisaki to Toman?” Izana raised one of his eyebrows. 

“It’s indeed weird.” Mucho said, apparently thinking the thing through. “I’ve already noticed Kisaki is a shady motherfucker.”

“Something doesn’t add up, ya know?” Rindou muttered, speaking up for the first time in the whole conversation. 

“Well.” Izana smirked. “Let’s keep an eye on Kisaki and Hanma. They could be useful after all.” 

[monstersliveinthemirror]

I just remembered the time I was like....seven? And visiting my grandparents.

I was aggressively a tom boy. I had cut my hair short, I wore boys clothes, I desperately wanted to be a skateboarder.

My grandfather was a leatherworker, he made belts and wallets and purses and whatever.

I remember him saying he would teach me how to make my own purse. I told him "I don't want a purse, I want a wallet like you have" (like one of the "mens" trifold wallet things, you know what I'm talking about).

And he told me something like: "Alex, you're my only grand daughter. You can't just do boy stuff, I already have enough grand sons. You need to start wearing dresses and do dance and be girly." This was the first time this came up with him. I remember telling my mom about it, and her basically saying "well he's right you're too much of a tom boy."

My cousin was born not long after (girl) and oh my god the difference between how my entire family treated her growing up (stereotypical girly girl) compared to me, was so fucking obvious and nobody ever acknowledged it.

And this began me spending the next twenty (????) years in a complicated relationship with femininity and masculinity and gender and a complete refusal to acknowledge perhaps ~girl~ is not who I am.

And I'm mostly at peace with "definitely not a girl, not really sure if a dude, just gonna refuse to think too hard about it"

But then sometimes my mom posts pictures of my sisters with captions that ultimately boil down to "finally I have a daughter who likes girly things I'm so glad this finally happened for me" and then it all kinda sits with me of like...oh yeah even without being trans or talking to my family about possibly being gnc or whatever label I ultimately choose, I've already disappointed her :)

Anyway my grandfather died last spring and my mom was like "I know you had a complicated relationship with him" and I just wanted to be like "yeah but what's more important is that WE have a complicated relationship!!!!" But I'm not there yet so 🤷🏻‍♀️