#can't we just be masculine and/or men in peace

[cosmic-vanity]

People will say "institutionalised misandry isn't an actual thing so you can't use the term transmisandry" and it's like. Okay then. Fair enough, I guess. You're completely missing the point of intersectionality but fine, fine.

Let's use transandrophobia instead. Because androphobia is a real thing that some people have. And then it's "no but you see calling something androphobia is victimising the men who committed the crimes to be afraid of in the first place, therefore you have to stop calling your struggles transandrophobia" and it's like. Hmmm. That's not true, but whatever.

So let's use antitransmasculinity! "But no, actually, because masculinity is a BAD thing that only EVIL people who want to HURT others perform!!!! So you can't use that word either!!! MASCULINITY IS ACID AND VINEGAR AND EVERYTHING SINISTER!!!!!!!!!!"

I'm starting to notice... a lot of you don't actually give a shit to what label we use... you just don't want transmascs talking about our experiences.

[restinslices]

If Aegon ii Targaryen Was A Sub

I forgot I said I was gonna post this weeks ago so here it is. Also before we begin, I feel like I gotta say that I DO NOT condone some of the shit he did in the show. This is not that type of party. I just think he has pathetic looking eyes and I’m known to make men subs. Let’s all just be horny in peace Obviously MDNI

A very needy whiny whore 

Needs attention and validation constantly 

Will actually start buggin’ if you're giving someone else attention 

And when I say “needy” I really mean that shit 

He's constantly tryna convince you to sneak away with him for a quickie. And if you're alone together? He definitely wants to fuck 

He's extremely needy and badly wants approval and appreciation but he's also such a fucking brat 

This man is a spoiled ass Prince. Are we surprised?

He's bratty in the sense that he likes pushing buttons but also in the sense that he just sometimes doesn't feel like listening to you 

Behavior that you'll have to make sure to correct 

Now when I mention anal you may wanna say “oh but I have female anatomy”. To that, I say “pegging”

Now you may wanna say “strapons don't exist in this universe” and to that I say “they have literal DRAGONS. Use your imagination and pretend they've been invented”

Now let's continue 

Idk why I feel this way but I can see him enjoying sex from behind. Especially while getting his hair pulled

Also has a thing for titty sucking 

Sucks on you while you ride him 

Or if he's bored 

Kinks and/or fetishes I can see him having are anal, barebacking, biting, breath play, dacryphilia, face fucking, free use, fingering (possibly fisting too), impact play, loud sex, name calling (whatever you wanna go by), orgasm control, orgies, praise, rough sex, and probably some other shit 

I just feel like he can easily be talked into anything. As long as he's getting pleased 

Enjoys the risk of possibly getting caught 

Turns him on even more if he's the one getting fucked 

Possibly getting caught fucking you is one thing but possibly getting caught getting treated like a whore? He'll cum from the thought alone 

Loves being told how slutty he looks

If you can fill his ass with cum, do it! 

Also enjoys being eaten out

He'll reach around to grab your hair and push his ass against you so your tongue goes deeper 

I can see him having a bit of toxic masculinity so you calling his ass a “pussy” or “cunt” will irritate him 

But in the same breath it makes him extremely hard 

His eyes are expressive so it's easy to tell when he's horny 

I don't see him denying it either 

Despises dry humping so it's a good punishment 

He's just way too impatient for it 

Other punishments for him could be orgasm denial, edging or refusing to touch him at all. Not just sexually. Like, refusing to kiss him 

Or telling him he can't pleasure himself could be a punishment 

Cock warming probably isn't his favorite either. Like I said, he's impatient. He immediately wants to fuck 

Has a fantasy of being fucked at a pleasure house while other people watch 

Also has a fantasy of having his mouth full of cum and it leaking out while he's being fucked 

Someone remind me to write these out 

I know I've said a bath for aftercare with other characters but like,,, who doesn't love a good bath?

Quick afterthoughts

He's definitely vocal. I just don't see him being quiet 

Doesn't mind getting woken up with sex

Cannot fully express how much he loves dirty talk

[snowsinterlude]

I'm so sorry if I'm bothering you but I'm EATING UP that incel modern Coryo😫

He'd be absolutely awful after one (1) failed situationship he had and he's still a virgin, now he's always sneering at women and even men who he considers to be 'a threat' to him and his fragile masculinity and control issues lol

Coryo would be awful with you too at first! Or at least try. He'd be so so pissy, always throwing a hissy fit whenever you wear something 'too revealing' for his delicate palate and in reality he still kinda can't believe the fact that a girl willingly interacted with him💀 I like to think that on one side he can't believe it and on the other his entitlement rears its head and Coryo's like 'well yeah DUH'

The one thing that would shut boy up would be wrangling him down and shoving his face against your tit for him to suckle and finally let there be peace and quiet from his entitled yapping😭

anon i think you are a literal genius for that cause not only do i agree with you but i think coryo is the biggest sucker for titties on a general basis. thank you!!

it was starting to become an habit. you simply couldn't help but want peace whenever he opened his mouth to talk shit and at this point you were thinking that this was beclming psychic cause you always know when hes gonna start running his mouth around about your choice of clothes.

now, there were two sides of coriolanus snow who were two controversial if you thought about it too much. and you did. you nearly couldn't believe the man who was sucking on your nipple while massaging your boobs was the same man who would call you out on your choice of clothes everyday.

it started simple. a 'whore' here, a 'slut' there. it didn't really matter to you. what did matter was that he would spend his entire day pissing you off about it.

coryo is a very sweet boy, of course, you were the one who was dressed up like a worthless homewrecker cunt everyday. you were at fault. you should be grateful he was helping you out on that.

you were such a whore. miniskirts there. dresses who never went past half your soft looking thighs here. and of course, your tops and croppeds and your lack of a bra everywhere. his mind felt dizzy just looking at your soft timid nipples poking through your top's fabric.

don't get him wrong!! he is very sweet with his cousing tigris and his grandma'am. it just happens that some blonde bitch broke his heart and he decided that no female were worth it and all of them were whores. except for the women he lived with, this being his cousin and his grandma'am.

"aren't you ashamed? don't you have any sense of embarassment?" he asked you randomly one day.

"about what?" you raised your perfectly shaped brow, eyes on his, drowning on the pretty blue of his devilish misogynistic eyes.

"you're dressed like a whore! look at you- your skirt is above your knee, is not even close to it! your shirt is too tight and i- i'm seeing everything! you're almost naked!" he said, pointing to everywhere on your body but not even looking to your face. and he couldn't. he knew his dick would betray him the moment he saw your lashes flutter to him. "i'm not going out with you looking like that"

"corio, let's just go, okay?"

"no, i'm not-"

"coriolanus." damn. he shivered right there, gulping down hard on the way you looked at him. he knew it was decided already, you weren't going out at all. "couch. sit."

and he did. like a obedient golden retriever who knew that he made a mess. he was crying internally, afraid you'd leave him because of his kind words. you were like, supposed to be grateful for it. he was helping you out.

but you didn't dump him, for his surprise, you layed his head on your lap and caressed his hair. then the thing escalated a bit and his mouth was sucking on the soft tissue of your breast while your hand slowly pumped his cock.

"i know you don't want me to go out looking like that because you think is slutty, but we both know the real bitch in heat in this room is you," you said, as he dizzily nodded with his mouth too occupied to say anything. "you will have to learn how to behave yourself from now on if you want me to be with you still"

he hummed against your breast, his cock twitching on your soft skilled hand while he recieved all your words quietly, dumbly.

"you're not cumming today." he didn���t fight it. he knew he would eventually cum on your hand and cry for overstimulation because that was his punishment.

his punishment being overstimulation was more like a payment. for you, actually, because you loved seeing him cry while your warm walls squeezed his cock tightly with you telling what a bitch he was, saying his tantrums were on purpose cause he knew what would wait for him all while he tries not to cum right on sight.

[genderqueerdykes]

I am entirely in the closet again about being a trans man because all of this "debate" about how we're all evil abusive liars who manipulated and deceived our way into the community to steal resources and oppress everyone. I hate it here.

the community is genuinely hostile towards trans men right now, so i can't blame you at all. like it's literally just everywhere. it's normal. it's literally seen as funny and cool and quirky to treat trans men like shit. to say that we're oppressing trans women by coming out and being men and being ourselves. to imply that we're all predators, that we all transition to gain male privilege, that all we're doing is transitioning to hurt women. to say that we're betraying women

it's disgusting. it's such a horrible way to look at other people. it's so deeply paranoid and untrusting. the fact that the most common rhetoric in the queer community right know is a cat hiss knee jerk reaction upon seeing masculinity and/or manhood is just ridiculous. there are so many ways to be a queer man why are we behaving like this?

kicking trans men and mascs doesn't help trans women any better. they're not "taking up limited resources". a bunch of new trans women aren't going to just spawn because those few transmascs stopped coming to groups and utilizing resources. men need those things too, whether or not people wanna accept it. trans men don't get paid as much as cis men. we still receive womens' wages in most places even if we pass. we don't have extra money or any extra resources by virtue of being men. we're usually pretty broke because nobody wants to hire an ftm tranny

it's not cool for people to proudly say they're scared of someone who isn't hurting them, but then publicly behead those people for saying they're uncomfortable with being stigmatized. stigmatizing trans manhood isn't going to accomplish anything. there's still going to be trans men. trying to talk us out of transitioning and being men won't always work. why are people even doing this to begin with?

i hope you're able to feel at peace with yourself sometime soon. you don't deserve to have to go back into the closet, but i completely understand why. even i've considered it because it's exhausting and people use it as a tool to abuse me and treat me like i'm a dumbass and just not listen to me. it's exhausting how badly people treat us and just don't give a fuck and think it's funny

[eva-does-its-best]

can you shut the fuck up youre making all trans guys look bad so fucking annoying. insane that u cant handle any fucking criticism whatsoever lol holy shit. whole ass fucking paragraph. gotta put that evil mean trans woman in her place right. god forbid someone gets frustrated at being consistently shit on by people in her community. im gonna be so real rn and say that as trans guys / tme people we have it so much easier its actually insane (coming from someone whos been thru corrective rape when i was 12 after i came out as a trans guy btw! theres my fucking pound of flesh. jesus.) not even rly trying to convince u but u just piss me the fuck off annoying as fuck

First off: So sorry about what happened to you, my most sincere condolences. It's the only thing I can really give, hope your life gives you enough peace and happyness to allow you to live with such an event.

Second:

You're making all trans guys look bad

I'm not a trans guy, I'm a transmasc, very different, a difference you should if not care about at least keep in mind if you want to respect less binary forms of masculinity. I don't speak as nor speak for trans guys, because I am not one, maybe if you actually read what I write you would know.

Insane that you can't handle any fucking criticism

Criticism where? Let me be absolutely blunt and sincere: All I see in the posts I replied to is tired, scared and hurt people who cope with said feelings by turning their vents into everyone else's problems.

I vent a fucking lot, everyone can see that, but when I vent I am sincere and point the source of my pain, how I feel, why I feel that way, and which people I believe reinforce it. What I don't do is go out of my way to involve people who have nothing to do with it or with how I feel.

Trust me I know how they feel, and the way they are dealing with it is incredibly self-destructive and I want nothing more than for them to get out of that shitty mental state that hurts them so they can feel better and have a slightly better life and emotional responses to the world.

Whole ass fucking paragraph

Yeah, that is how one transmits ideas. Shocking.

Gotta put that evil mean trans woman in her place right

I've replied to a couple posts so I don't know which one you're talking about, but I've no clue about the gender of the people who I replied to, I simply replied to shitty ideas, don't care who's behind them.

Pretty lame that you try to make this a gender war, don't you think?

God forbid someone gets frustrated at being consistently shit on by people in her community

"her" ok so this is you personally defending someone you know, I can tell.

Statement goes both ways don't you think? You think this is just for fun?? Yeah let's start a conflict that is affecting the lives of real people for fun!

We are fucking tired of the mockery, the disrespect, and the extreme policing of transmasc and trans men's language and experiences by people who have no say in them.

Do you care about that too or are you a hypocrite? Because when I reply to people's shit-ass posts I do in fact care about them otherwise I'd ignore em and let em keep hurting themselves.

"Oh but these ones attacked this person" I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. There are shitheads everywhere, in every opinion and side of any conflict. There are gonna be shitheads who use this as an excuse to attack people of a certain particular gender they already had something against, it is irrelevant to the ideas exposed. Let's not act like there isn't a whole plethora of posts about killing transmasc please, you SHOULD care avout that too.

As transmascs/tme people we have it so much easier

You're free to have an opinion about your own experiences and I have no horse in that race. HOWEVER:

•You're not the only transmasc in the world and your opinion is very clearly not a universal truth, so don't you dare spit on everyone else's experiences by deciding what's true and what's not without counting with them.

• In your dumbass dychotomy of "tma/tme" transmasc are not the only ones put on the "tme" label and the same way I cannot talk about YOUR experiences you have no fucking right to talk about everyone else's experiences specially the ones from other identities and lives that you did not get to be or experience.

•Without dipping my toes in your opinion or your experiences I profoundly disagree with you.

• Lastly, WHO THE FUCK CARES WHO HAS IT WORSE?! WE'RE ALL FUCKING HURT AND BROKEN WE'RE LITERALLY KILLED IN THIS WORLD FOR JUST EXISTING, YOU WANT A COMPETITION??? GO FIGHT FOR TRANS PEOPLE'S RIGHTS TO COMPETE IN SPORTS INSTEAD OF CREATING OPRESSION OLYMPICS. GET YOUR COMFY ASS OUT OF YOUR INTERNET ARMCHAIR AND GO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE WORLD FFS.

There's my fucking pound of flesh. jesus.

Again so sorry you had to go through that, but you realize the whole point of this is to be able to have words for those specific forms of opression and awful events right?? To have experiences like that respected and treated with the seriousness they deserve right??? That is what we want.

You experienced transandrophobia, and the people you're defending right now don't want you to have a word for it, or allow only words picked by them as if they had any right to speak for you. Respect yourself more, man.

Not even rly trying to convince u but u just piss me the fuck off annoying as fuck

Hey at least you're honest, good. I don't give a fuck though, if you wanna keep hating me I have good news for you: I don't plan to ever shut the fuck up, enjoy.

The one person you hate is not me anyway, that is plain obvious... but that's a you thing to try and work on.

Sayonara dude👋🏻

[skylarsblue]

✦C.o.D Call Sign Inspo✦

(I've been having a bad writer's block, but, I do have some mini ideas that I can't flesh out. But, I know some people struggle with names/concepts for Y/N's/Characters. So! I'm giving them out for free in hopes it'll inspire something in someone so they don't go to waste!)

✧Somno; Gender Neutral. A y/n that's main trait is being a hyper insomniac. To the point they always seem tired, constantly consuming caffine, etc. But even if they're falling asleep where they're standing, they have incredibly fast reflexes. Could lead to some funny scenarios of finding them asleep in weird places, or, a cute concept (them only being able to sleep when they feel completely safe; ie: with one of the c.o.d characters)

✧Mama; Feminine. Pretty on the nose, but it could also be translated into a different language to match a country of origin. The concept is basically just...an aggressively maternal lieutenant/captain. Because I feel we don't have enough strong MILF's in this world, let alone in this fandom. This could also be used platonically because 141 specifically could use a mom type. Ghost & Gaz specifically.

✧Saint; Gender Neutral. Can be used for a character that's incredibly self sacrificing. Which would make for good fluff & good angst, plus, I think a lot of us can relate to feeling. Partially inspired by a random line I thought of - "If I die protecting you, that's far less frightening than you being gone when I could've protected you. Dying once for you is a peaceful passing, rather than dying every day you're not with me."

✧Salvadora/Salvador; Fem or Masc. Disclaimer; when I had this idea I imagined a woman. An alternative to the cartel story line in Las Almas. Y/N runs a civilian resistance against the cartel and has commandeered a village to keep citizens safe. It's basically a paradise in the crime ridden city. They've been providing sneaky support for Alejandro's men. (Honestly, this concept is pretty specific, and more detailed, and I might break it down more/write it on my own if possible)

✧Copycat/Mimic; Gender Neutral. A y/n that's incredibly skilled at mimicking voices. Whether in different accents or actual voices.

✧Mirage; Gender Neutral. Disclaimer; I imagined this also as a woman because I like powerful ladies. Similar to the one above but instead of just voices, they're just great at disguises in general & particularly sneaky. Like they "fade out of existence" if you look away at the wrong time.

✧Lynx; Gender Neutral. For a small, deceivingly cute looking character that's actually super deadly and quick. Do not trust the toe beans.

✧Nessie; Gender Neutral-Fem Lean. Pretty self explanatory. A character that's illusive and great in water. Bonus points for Scottish rep.

✧Sparks/Fuse; Gender Neutral. Just a fuckin' pyromaniac that can make their own bombs, super impressive and intricate ones. Thought of a scene where they're all in the heat of battle, low on ammo, and Y/N brings up randomly that they were a troublesome teen who almost had a criminal record. Price asks what the charge was and they just light something that doesn't look at all like a bomb, with a giant grin. "It was arson!!" And then they throw a fuckin' devastating bomb.

✧Iris; Gender Neutral. A character known for a very intense/intimidating stare. Inspired by those clips of people losing to Angelina Joline's femme fatal stare. Also, them being able to read a shocking amount about a person purely through eye contact.

✧Sage/Blister/Morphine/Plaster; Gender Neutral. All names for a potential medic!Y/N. (Plaster, for us Americans, is a word for bandaid in the UK. I know y'all prolly know that but just in case)

✧Bee; Gender Neutral. For a Y/N that's visibly smaller than those around them but packs a real hard punch. Also good if they're particularly good at physical combat. "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."

✧Sugarcube/Honey/Cupcake; Gender Neutral-Masc Lean. I think the idea of a big buff, visibly masculine, intimidating dude being named something like 'sugarcube' is super funny.

✧Lasso/Big Mac/Stallion; Masculine. Isn't it obvious? Big cowboy man who's aggressively American even if he's actually been a UK citizen for years.

✧Bessie/Cowgirl/Chick; Feminine. Once again, aggressively southern Y/N. But, for fem!y/ns.

✧Tex/Stars/Anthem; Gender Neutral. See above, but this time, neutral. Cause I'm about equality in this bitch.

✧Cobra/Mamba; Gender Neutral. For a y/n that specializes in poisons to kill enemies, as well as a character with any association with snakes. Could be interesting for Ghost to hear.

✧Doll/Dolly; Feminine. A more "spy type" for the classic femme fatal who gets intel through allure. If you've seen my two fic concept posts, this is the call sign I'd give to the Y/N in Price's concept.

✧Tech; Gender Neutral. Pretty basic, a character that's particularly tech-y. Good with computers and hacking.

✧Bunny/Hare; Gender Neutral. For a y/n that's small, but super fast & alert. Bonus if they got Hinata jumping powers.

✧Clover/Shamrock; Gender Neutral. Irish rep. Use this for a Y/N that is somehow the luckiest unlucky person ever. Constantly ending up in situations that are stressful/intense but making it out with barely a scratch. Can add some dissonance if they actually hate this call sign because it's not luck that gets them out of these situations, and instead is there skill.

[princessleiadelrey]

Heyy,

For the Cherik Song of the Day, how about Little Talks by Of Monsters And Men? :)

Great suggestion, let’s talk about it!

Cherik song of the day is Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men!

This song is fun because of the duet aspect, the feminine voice is very much Charles’ perspective and the masculine voice is more Erik’s here.

The italics represent the more Erik lines in this vague analysis.

Highlights include:

“I don't like walking around this old and empty house”

“So hold my hand, I'll walk with you, my dear”

This call and response is so fitting for Charles and Erik, especially in context of Days of Future Past.

“And some days, I can't even dress myself”

“It's killing me to see you this way”

It’s giving ‘Erik finds out that Charles is falling apart (serum addicted, etc)’.

“'Cause though the truth may vary, This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore”

Love this line, because in the end (in the bad future in dofp) all Erik wanted to do was hold Charles hand…

“There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back”

“Well, tell her that I miss our little talks”

This is a cute thought for them- because while we know they are very different people they do miss each other and miss the (few) days before Cuba. Like future!Erik’s line in DoFP about wishing they had a few more moments together.

“Some days, I don't know if I am wrong or right”

“Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear”

Good reference for Charles self doubt that we see on full display in Dark Phoenix (but we know it’s there’s all along)

“Just let me go, we'll meet again soon”

“Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around, I'll see you when I fall asleep”

Honestly, I think they do dream of each other. Charles dreams of them living a perfect life in the school, Erik dreams of days of the past when he saw a moment of peace.

This is the first suggestion I’ve received! Thank you so much for reaching out!

It makes my gay little heart happy that people enjoy the Cherik song of the day suggestions :)

Send me all your Cherik tunes and I’ll analyze ‘em!

[aahsokaatano]

A Brief Examination of Margaret Houlihan and Gender

(aka I'm doing my rough draft of my essay on tumblr bc I can ramble here)

I spent 6 weeks watching all 251 episodes of M*A*S*H with the aim of critically analyzing Margaret Houlihan, and more specifically how she is referred to throughout the series. I was initially doing this with the idea of tracking the change from "Hot Lips" to Margaret, but I got more than I bargained for - I really forgot how often she's referred to as a man or in a gender neutral way, and it's super interesting, so under the cut is a list of quotes and some light analysis.

Season 1

"Oh, sorry baby." / "Major to you!" ("The Pilot" s1e1) Neutral

"You're dismissed!" / "Thanks, Mother." ("The Pilot" s1e1) Feminine

"One lady in our outfit..." ("Dear Dad" s1e12) Feminine

Season 2

"You are no gentleman!" / "Good thing you are." ("Divided We Stand" s2e1) Masculine

[Margaret speaking on behalf of Frank] "That's pretty strong stuff, Frank." / "It's true!" ("L.I.P. (Local Indigenous Personnel)" s2e7) Masculine

"You've emasculated me for the last time!" ("Carry On Hawkeye" s2 e11) Masculine

"Margaret Houlihan; nurse, friend, and all around good egg." ("Carry On Hawkeye" s2e11) Neutral

[Radar calls Margaret "sir" - this is something that he ends up doing for several more seasons] "Men are sirs, women are ma'ams!" ("Hot Lips and Empty Arms" s2e14) Feminine (with Masculine connotations long-term)

Season 3

"You know, for once I agree with him?" / "I [Margaret] said that." / "I know." ("Rainbow Bridge" s3e2) Masculine

"Speaking man-to-man, Colonel," ("There is Nothing Like a Nurse" s3e10) Masculine

"He's a creep." / "She's a creepette." ("The Consultant" s3e17) Feminine

"I know you didn't volunteer because you're a married man [...] Well, I'm a married man, too, Frank. Married to the Army." ("Aid Station" s3e19) Masculine

"I'm not just Major Margaret Houlihan, army nurse. I'm also Margaret Houlihan - frail, vulnerable, sensitive female." ("Aid Station" s3e19) Feminine

"Don't think of me as a woman!" ("Aid Station" s3e19) Neutral/Masculine

Season 4

"When I was five, I had a crying fit because they wouldn't let me have a crew cut." ("Deluge" 4.23) Neutral/Masculine

Season 5

"He [Donald] calls me his little plebe." ("Margaret's Engagement" s5e2) Neutral

"I'm an engaged person!" ("Margaret's Engagement" s5e2) Neutral

[Speaking to a newborn baby] "Major Houlihan is here to help you." ("The Abduction of Margaret Houlihan" s5e6) Neutral

"Anybody can open with a pair of 10s if they're wearing civilian boxer shorts." / [...] / "I'll open for 25 cents." ("Dear Sigmund" s5e7) Neutral/Masculine

"Margaret, when you're sick, can't you call me Frank?" / "You know I'm an engaged person." ("The Colonel's Horse" s5e11) Neutral

"Margaret, I'm as taut as a watch spring." / "Your state of tautness s no longer a concern of mine, Major Burns. I happen to be an engaged person." ("Hawkeye's Nightmare" s5e13) Neutral

"Sure, nurse..." / "Nurse?! You're talking to a major!" / "Sorry. Would you help us move this guy into pre-op, Major?" ("Post-Op" s5e23) Feminine/Neutral

Season 6

"A head nurse who is part seductress, and part Attila the Hun" ("The Winchester Tapes" s6e4) Feminine/Masculine

[the nurses to Hawkeye] "Do you think you could talk to Hot Lips?" ("Images" s6e9) Feminine

"Hot Lips Houlihan: blonde landmine." ("Patent 4077" s6e16) Feminine

"Congratulations. You're still a major, Major." ("What's Up, Doc?" s6e19) Neutral

Season 7

[about her divorce] "Best thing that ever happened to me. The weight of the world is off my shoulders! I feel like a new woman!" ("Peace On Us" s7e2) Feminine

[BJ] "The king is dead." / [Hawk] "Long live the queen." / [Margaret] "You bet." ("Hot Lips is Back in Town" s7e20) Feminine

"I'm going as far in this man's army as any woman can go. Maybe even general!" ("Hot Lips is Back in Town" s7e20) Feminine

Season 8

"I'm a woman, and I can tell you what it's like for a woman to be away from the man she loves." ("Too Many Cooks" s8e1) Feminine

"To be a woman, with the rank of major..." ("Are You Now, Margaret?" s8e2) Feminine

"Hot Lips?" / "Yeah, that's a nickname she picked up." ("Are You Now, Margaret?" s8e2) Feminine

"Hot Streak Houlihan strikes again!" ("Life Time" s8e11) Neutral

"I'm just as much a major as any other major. You'll notice these leaves come in gold, not pink for girls and blue for boys." ("Stars and Stripes" s8e14) Feminine/Neutral

"What do you suppose I am deep down?" / "Deep, deep down? A woman." / "Go a little deeper." / "A major." / "I'm me. Sometimes a nurse, sometimes a major, sometimes a woman in love... sometimes all three at once." ("Stars and Stripes" s8e14) Feminine/Neutral

[speaking to an infant] "Hello there, sweetheart. I'm your Auntie Margaret." ("Yessir, That's Our Baby" s8e15) Feminine

Season 9

"What's the matter? She isn't man enough to bring it in [to the men's showers] herself?" ("Bless You, Hawkeye" s9e17) Masculine

[speaking to Margaret] "You know, you don't get to be a high-ranking officer, to run an O.R., to command respect, unless you've earned it." ("The Foresight Saga" s9e19) Neutral

Season 10

"I know everybody thinks I'm tough, demanding, insensitive, cold, callous, crabby - feel free to disagree at any time!" / "Think of it this way; maybe you are all that stuff, but deep down underneath, I think maybe there's some more stuff that's... pretty good stuff. You know?" ("The Birthday Girls" s10e11) Neutral

Season 11

"I do not need the help of a nurse." / "It's a good thing I'm a lady or you'd need a nurse, buster!" ("Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen" s11e16) Feminine

Total Counts:

Feminine: 19

Masculine: 12

Neutral: 17

These aren't all of the quotes I collected during my rewatch, or the only thing I was paying attention to, but it definitely caught my interest. And laying out like like this, by season, you can really see the trends ebb and flow. Margaret is portrayed pretty firmly as feminine/neutral through the first season, but season two introduces the running joke of other characters referring to her as "Frank" and using he/him due to how often she speaks on his behalf, as well as Radar calling her "sir" rather than "ma'am." She sticks even more firmly to referring to herself neutrally in season five, calling herself an "engaged person" rather than an "engaged woman" on three different occasions.

After her marriage and Frank's departure, Margaret is referred to more femininely again, but she doesn't refer to herself as a woman until season 7, after her divorce. I find it especially interesting to compare "The Abduction of Margaret Houlihan" in s5 and "Yessir, That's Our Baby" in s8; both deal with very young infants and show us Margaret's interactions with these babies. In s5, she refers to herself as "Major Houlihan" to the baby, but then in s8, she's "Auntie Margaret." Between these events were her marriage and divorce, and Margaret's self-confidence being boosted by her work on herself and her duties as head nurse.

BJ refers to Margaret loosely in masculine terms in s9, and it's the first time the joke has been really touched on since s6, when Charles compares her to Attila the Hun. This is the last time anyone refers to Margaret as masculine, with the final two seasons having her presented either neutrally (by rank) or femininely (as a "lady").

Margaret's character journey actually can be tracked through this list of quotes pretty well. She's more of an antagonist when she's referred to more often with masculine terms, and as she develops into a more traditional protagonist, the narrative refers to her with more feminine terms. The fact that Margaret herself is most likely to use feminine terms when she's at her most confident in herself is definitely interesting, and I think says a lot about how her confidence is tied into her self-image.

[rose-sophia-isabella-rogers]

A Steel That Went Through Hottest Fire: Chapter XIX - Brick by Brick

Chapter Summary: Kirigan has a plan that can help you end the war with Fjerda and Shu-Han. He just has to convince Nikolai it's a good idea. You struggle with the feeling of power you get from your amplifier. You try to push Aleksander away but he's not having it. Also, you mend a relationship with one of your friends.

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Alina Starkov/Mal Oretsev, Zoya Nazyalensky/Nikolai Lantsov, Fedyor Kaminsky/Ivan

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Nikolai Lantsov, Genya Safin, Alina Starkov, Mal Oretsev, Ivan, Fedyor Kaminsky, Zoya Nazyalensky, Tamar Kir-Bataar, Ehri Kir-Taban, Tolya Yul-Bataar

Word Count: 4491

A/N: Inspired by prompts: https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389090100557/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389090100616/ moy – my (masculine object) tsar – ruler, king

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

@marrymonrich

@wonderland2425

@chelseyyouraverageluigi

@thehufflepuffavenger1

@drinix

Nikolai has truly missed Alina. And Mal. But trying to decide anything with them, Kirigan, Ehri and Zoya in the room is almost impossible. He's not sure what's worse. Starkov and Nazyalensky bickering with the princess or the Sun Summoner and her husband arguing with the Darkling. Well, not exactly that. The peace advisor is mostly amused by the scoffing he gets from the couple.

After another one of such delightful conferences, the King decides he needs a drink. So, he's not protesting when Kirigan invites him for one. They go to his chambers and there sit with Fedyor and Ivan in silence for some time.

'Anyone else is having a headache?' Kaminsky suddenly asks. Lantsov grunts in answer.

'I honestly adore Alina,' he sighs and runs a hand through his face. 'But we won't decide on anything with her attitude.'

'It's understandable she doesn't trust me,' Aleksander says, not at all bothered. 'She won't agree on my ideas, expecting betrayal.'

'But you have good ideas,' Nikolai admits reluctantly. 'Zoya is even agreeing on them. Albeit, she's not happy about it.'

'I can't remember the last time I saw her happy,' Ivan huffs. Silence falls between the men once again.

'We're not ready,' Lantsov says a few minutes later, his voice quiet. 'When the battle with Fjerda comes… they will slaughter us all. Because we can't trust each other and come to an agreement about anything.'

'Then perhaps instead of focusing on something you can't fix at the moment, try focusing on something else?' Kirigan suggests.

'My window?' the King asks. 'I still want to know how it was broken.'

'Let's just say it involved some children,' Fedyor says with an innocent smile. Nikolai decides to let it go. For now.

'I was talking about our problem with Shu-Han,' the Darkling explains. Lantsov's eyes darken.

'I told you I can't demand anything from them,' he says. 'Yes, they attacked us. But we're still at war. Ehri and I are not married yet.'

'Which is precisely why they attacked so quickly and twice,' Ivan says. 'The moment you two get married, to attack us would be attacking the Shu-Han's people's favourite princess.'

'So what? Should we get married earlier?' the King scoffs. 'Not gonna happen. We have to wait for her family, who strategically delays their arrival. No doubt they're planning another attack.'

He looks at the Shadow Summoner, expecting an idea. It startles him how quickly it has become a habit for him. And the look on his peace advisor's face unnerves him.

'We could still use Ehri's popularity among her people,' Aleksander finally says slowly. 'If Fjerda were to kill her-'

'We're not going to get Fjerda to kill her,' Nikolai protests harshly. 'Nor anyone else.'

'She doesn't have to really die,' Kirigan says. 'After all, what was their original plan? That guard put in her place was to kill you, then kill herself with a Fjerdan weapon. People would get angry, take over Ravka and the princess would live happily on some farm or something. We can still do that. Just without the part where you die.'

'Thanks, I appreciate it,' Lantsov replies with sarcasm. 'So what, you want someone to kill Ehri's double with a Fjerdan weapon?'

'No, we just need people to believe Ehri was killed in an attack made by Fjerdans,' the Darkling reveals his plan. The King stares at him. And blinks. Then again.

'You want Fjerdans to attack us?' he blurts out.

'I would never want that,' Aleksander says with venom in his voice, standing up to pour himself another glass of kvas. 'But it's only a matter of time before they do. And I'm not talking about a battle. I'm talking about a sneak attack, infiltrating the Grand Palace.'

'Firstly, why would they do that if they're planning to fight with us, which we already know they want to do?' Nikolai says, standing up as well. 'Secondly, how would they even plan to get in? The Grant Palace is secure. Same as the Little Palace.'

'Nothing is ever impenetrable,' Kirigan chuckles. 'And of course, they will try something. They don't want Shu-Han to get the antidote first, do they? Nor [Y/N].'

Lantsov thinks. He sighs and sits down again.

'Let's say it happens,' he says. 'We win, Ehri "dies", Shu-Han gets angry. What then?'

'They join forces with us against Fjerda in retaliation,' Ivan answers. That part the King likes. He knows people would get angry enough to demand from Ehri's sister to get revenge.

'That still leaves me without a wife,' he says. 'And I need one. According to everyone but me, at least. Should I make an alliance with another country?'

'You've met the candidates, I presume?' Fedyor asks. 'Is anyone… acceptable?'

Nikolai winces. It's all the answer they need.

'Think about every woman you know,' the Darkling says. 'And I mean every woman. From each country. From your own country. Otkazat'sya. Grisha. Which one would be the best queen?'

Lantsov's eyes snap to his peace advisor. They stare at each other.

'That's what this is about,' the King guesses. 'You want a Grisha on a throne of Ravka. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not going to marry you. You're not my type. And you can't give me an heir.'

'You're not my type either,' Aleksander chuckles, amused. 'I want to marry [Y/N] one day. Besides, I told you. I don't want the throne anymore.'

'Then who?' Nikolai asks, exasperated. His three companions raise their eyebrows at him.

'Who would be the best queen from all the women you know?' Kirigan repeats.

'Zoya,' Lantsov answers after a beat. 'But she won't agree. She doesn't want to rule Ravka.'

'But she wants to be by your side,' Ivan counters. The King looks at him, baffled.

'What?' he asks and laughs. 'No, no, no. She doesn't think of me like that. We're… friends. Partners. But nothing else.'

'But you wish there was,' Fedyor says quietly. Nikolai thinks about it for a moment. He quickly shakes his head.

'No, it won't work,' he says and stands up. 'Well, thank you for a lovely time, gentlemen. Unfortunately, it's time to be the King of Ravka again.'

He quickly leaves before anyone can say something. Silence fills the room for a minute. Then, the Darkling looks at his Heartrenders.

'Was it like that with me and [Y/N]?' he asks. Kaminsky winces and opens his mouth to answer delicately, but Ivan beats him to it by saying:

'Yes.'

'Hm,' Aleksander hums and sighs. 'Well, that must have been annoying. Sorry for that.'

'What now?' Fedyor asks. Kirigan walks to the window. He looks out of it, crossing his arms.

'The only thing we can,' he answers. 'We wait.'

*

For some dumb reason you can't understand, Nikolai has decided to throw a party. Yeah, there are many reasons to celebrate. His engagement (though not a happy reason for you), Aleksander's return and making peace with him, Alina's return (also not a happy reason for you)… but you still don't understand why you had to throw a party. And now, you're suffering because of all the small talks. You're pretty sure you won't be able to stop smiling. Ever.

You have enough when you catch two young Grisha staring at your lover and giggling. They're basically ogling him. Appraising him like a piece of meat.

Over my dead body.

You walk to them. You're smiling but your eyes are cold.

'Are you two seriously checking out Kirigan?' you ask. They look at you and snort.

'Oh, come on, he's cute,' one of them says. They giggle again. Your eye twitches.

'I know he's cute,' you say and lower your voice threateningly as you glare at them. 'But he's also mine.'

'Oh, please,' the other one scoffs. 'You brought him back. You created the antidote. You've served your purpose. If you think he'll still wants you after he's done using you, you're delusional.'

There was a time where you'd agree. They'd probably be saying your own thoughts out loud. But not anymore. Now you're sure about the Darkling's feelings for you.

'Let's see about that,' you say, smiling coldly at them. You turn around and march to Aleksander. You tap his shoulder and he turns. Instantly, his eyes light up and he grins.

'[Y/N]-' he starts but you don't let him finish. You grab him at the back of his neck and pull to you. You kiss him passionately in front of everyone. And you don't care at all.

'My, my,' Kirigan chuckles when you pull away. 'What was that about?'

'Staking my claim over you,' you explain, glancing over your shoulder. You see the two Grisha red with fury and embarrassment.

'Ah, I see,' the Darkling says and puts an arm around your waist. 'Can I do the same with you?'

He pulls you closer to himself and presses a kiss to your neck, closing his eyes. You smile. You're about to answer, but then you hear a loud bang and screams. You sigh.

'I hate it when you're right,' you say. Aleksander lets you go (but very slowly).

'It was obvious they're going to attack,' he says. 'And that this party is a perfect moment for it.'

'I still don't like it,' you huff. Kirigan chuckles and looks around. People are already panicking. The guards and Grisha try to calm them down. Nikolai tries to take back the control. Zoya, Alina and some others rush out. Princess Ehri is being escorted out by her guards.

'Can you go with the princess?' the Darkling murmurs to your ear.

'You don't want me anywhere near the fight again,' you sigh.

'I don't trust Ehri's guards, so I would feel better if you were with them,' Aleksander says. You raise your eyebrows at him.

'And since when do you care about her safety?' you ask, suspicious. 'What are you really after?'

'In short?' Kirigan asks and you nod. 'I want Zoya and the King to be happy, have a Grisha on a throne and I need you to be the bait to achieve it.'

'Cool,' you say after a moment, shrugging. 'But if you want me to be the bait that means you want them to attack me.'

'I perfectly trust your abilities to take down some Fjerdans,' the Darkling says, kissing the top of your head. 'And if they hurt you, they'll end up like attackers from Shu-Han in Lazlayon.'

You beam at him and hurry after the princess. You hear him chuckle as you do.

The guards and the princess are obviously not happy when you join them. They quickly change their mind when you are indeed attacked by a bunch of Fjerdans.

You're scared of the exhilarating feeling you feel when you use your powers on them. You feel powerful. Unstoppable. You totally understand now why Aleksander wanted more.

You concentrate on calcium in the bones of one of Fjerdans. You disperse it, causing all of the bones to break. The scream of agony he lets out works on you as a splash of cold water. You go pale and take a step back, your hands shaking. When did you become so cruel?

Ehri's scream wakes you up. You snap your head and extend your hands. A brick from the wall flies from it and hits the Fjerdan attacking the princess in the chest. He bends over, gasping for breath. He's then killed by one of Ehri's guards. But then they fall over as well. They must have been hurt as well.

You look around. It's over. The two others Fjerdan were killed as well. The Princess' guards sacrificed themselves for her.

You lean on the wall and slump down it. Your heart is beating fast. Your breath is uneven. Your eyes are wide. You keep hearing his scream.

Maybe a minute passes, when Nikolai, Tolya, Aleksander and Mal show up. Kirigan rushes to your side at once. Lantsov does the same with Ehri.

'Are you alright?' they ask at the same time. You shake your head. The Darkling frowns, because he doesn't see any injuries.

'I'm… fine,' the princess answers, her voice shaking. The King stares at her. Or more specifically, at the red spot on her chest. But she seems fine.

'It's not mine,' she says, seeing his gaze.

'But we can pretend it is,' Nikolai murmurs. All but Kirigan stare at him, confused. He hides a smirk.

'Excuse me?' Ehri asks.

'Princess, I know you want to marry me as much as I want you, which means not at all,' Lantsov says slowly. 'You just want to live happily on some farm or Saints know where. If we pretend you died here… you could have it.'

'Why would I want it?' she asks, confused. 'Why would you want it? Won't our marriage bring peace between our nations you so desperately seek?'

'If your people believe you had died killed Fjerdans… they will want to go to war with them,' the Darkling explains. 'They will join our forces and together we will crush them. Nothing unites more than a common enemy.'

'And then they will turn on you,' Ehri points out.

'They won't, because I still haven't held them accountable for all the attacks inside Ravka,' Nikolai says. 'After the war is won… I'll have a chat with your sister. I know how to stop Shu-Han from coming on us. So… what do you say? Do you want to live the life you've always wanted?'

The princess hesitates only a minute. When the rest of her guards arrive, she's lying on the ground, her eyes open and empty. Tolya is discreetly slowing down her pulse so the guards believe she's dead. They rage and mourn. And you watch it all with haunted eyes.

You do the same things you did with Aleksander three years ago. Genya makes one of the dead guards to look like Ehri and her body is taken back to Shu-Han. Ivan and Tolya go as well, to express their sympathy, apologise for not protecting the princess, represent Ravka at her funeral and discreetly convince people that the right move would be to join them and attack Fjerdans for murdering their princess.

You know everyone is anxious to see if this plan works. But you don't care. After Ehri is taken away from the corridor, you rush to your room and lock it. You don't let in even Kirigan which deeply worries him. He has no idea what's happened nor how to reach you.

*

When you finally come out of your room, you come across Zoya and Nikolai. You're surprised to find them taking a stroll outside at midnight. Curious and hopeful, you follow them discreetly.

'… On another note, when will you stop being angry with me?' you hear Lantsov when you're close enough to hear their conversation.

'When you will find yourself another wife,' Zoya spats. The King sighs. Nazyalensky huffs and turns to face him, causing them both to stop.

'I didn't like her either, but you needed her,' she says. 'You may have Shu-Han's support or not. But you definitely won't have an heir without her.'

'Unless I do with someone else,' Nikolai points out.

'With who?' the Grisha asks, raising her voice a little. 'You dismissed all other candidates!'

'Because the one I want as my queen and would be perfect for that role is not one of them,' Lantsov answers softly. Nazyalensky frowns. You can almost hear her trying to figure out who he means by that.

'Zoya…' the King says, taking her hands in his. 'We're an amazing duet. I know I wouldn't have been able to do most of the things I managed to do without your help.'

'Obviously,' the Grisha snorts. You roll your eyes but smile.

'I can't imagine doing it with anyone else,' Nikolai goes on. 'It took me some time… and Kirigan to point it out… but I dismissed all the candidates for one single reason. They weren't you.'

Zoya stiffens, understanding where he's going with it. He gulps, more nervous now.

'I used to think you're like a storm,' he says and chuckles. 'But I got it wrong. You are a storm. The most beautiful I've ever seen. As Sturmhond I both feared and admired storms. Dangerous and beautiful. Strong, getting what they want no matter what. Destructible and astonishingly beautiful. All of that applies to you as well.'

Nazyalensky looks away. You can swear you see her eyes shining when she blinks.

'You care about Ravka with all your heart,' Lantsov continues. 'You treat fairly both otkazat'sya and Grisha. You… you could be the most just queen this country has seen in all history. And… you'd make one man incredibly happy. If you even let me ask the question you know I want to ask.'

'I don't want the crown,' Zoya says quietly after a moment. The King smiles.

'Which is why you're the one who should have it,' he says and exhales shakily. 'I won't ask it now. Please, just think about it. And when I'll be able to ask you this without being decapitated, let me know.'

Nazyalensky lets out a huff. Nikolai kisses her hands, looking her in the eyes. Then, he lets go of her and walks away, leaving her alone, pondering.

You stare at her for a moment, debating whether you should go and talk to her. In the end you shake your head, deciding to give her time and space, and turn around. Which almost makes you bump into Aleksander.

'Shh,' he silences you and puts a finger on your lips, as you're about to yelp, startled. He takes your hand and quietly leads you away. He takes you to his chambers. You don't protest. You know it's time for you two to talk. Once inside, he lets you go and you face each other awkwardly.

'I was worried about you,' he says quietly after a minute and looks at you pleadingly. 'Tell me what's wrong, [Y/N]. I want to help you but I don't know what you need.'

'I know,' you whisper. 'I'm sorry. I just… needed to figure out what I feel and… it took me longer than I thought. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you away.'

You feel tears in your eyes. Kirigan gently wipes them away. He takes your hand and leads you to his bedroom. You both sit down on his bed.

'Tell me everything,' he says softly. You inhale shakily.

'When Fjerdans attacked us… I controlled calcium on the bones of one of them… and broke them,' you start. 'All of them. Every single one at the same time. And I enjoyed having that kind of power. But then he screamed. And I realised what I've done. What I can do with my amplified powers. And it scared me.'

'As long as you're the one in control, you won't do anything more than you want to,' the Darkling says. You look at him with despair.

'But what if I want more one day?' you ask. 'What if… I'll start enjoying hurting people? I'll want more and more power?'

'Like me?' Aleksander asks quietly, not looking at you. You gulp. You didn't want this conversation to go that way. Silence falls between you two.

'I know better than anyone what you're going through,' he finally says. 'Well, maybe Alina does. But she rejected me, my experience. My fault, I know. But you have me. I promise to help you. Guide you. And stop you if necessary.'

'But if I desire more one day, maybe you could convince me to take over Ravka, like you've wanted,' you point out. He gently caresses your cheek.

'Past tense,' he says. 'I just want you to be happy now. And if you go after power… you won't be. It will never be able to fill the holes in your heart created by cruelty.'

He cups your face and makes you look at him. The softness in his eyes almost makes you cry.

'I know I may not seem as the best person to help you with your fear,' he says. 'But I'm a different man than I was when you met me. It has made me better, loving you. Which is why I know I can help you.'

You smile sadly and throw your hands around his neck after a beat. He puts his around your waist and holds you tightly.

'I love you,' you murmur in his shoulder. 'So much.'

'And I love you, milaya,' he says. 'You're my heart… my soul… my everything.'

'Can I… stay here tonight?' you ask shyly.

'You can stay here every night,' he answers and pulls away. But you quickly kiss him, not wanting to be apart. He chuckles softly and indulges you, not minding this at all.

It's probably not a surprise that you take your bath together. Nor that he helps you change into your pyjamas and you help him to get into his. And that when you get under the covers you instantly cuddle to him.

If it were up to you, you'd spend the next day by Aleksander's side. But he has lots of things to do. Including meeting with Nikolai.

'Tell me,' Lantsov says after they discuss the matter for which they met. 'When we first talked, you said you don't want your old position, that Zoya is doing a great job. But if everything goes according to your plan and she agrees to become my queen… she won't be able to be one. Leaving the position open for you. Was that your plan from the beginning?'

'No,' Kirigan answers. 'I truly believed she would to a spending job if she kept this position. But then… I got to observe you two together. I was amused. It reminded me of me and [Y/N]. That's when it hit me. That you're in love with each other. And then my mind went spiralling. How Zoya would be a perfect queen, how great it would be to have a Grisha on a throne of Ravka… and yes, the thought of me being the general of the Second Army crossed my mind.'

'Well, if it works, we win the war and Zoya will agree to become my wife… the position is yours,' the King says after a beat.

'I appreciate the trust,' the Darkling says.

'Well,' Nikolai sighs, 'I still don't trust you completely. But for now, you're holding to your end of the bargain. And whenever I see you and [Y/N] together my heart melts. Somehow… I'm starting to see you as a true ally. Who knows, maybe one day we could be even friends.'

'I'm looking forward to that… moy tsar,' Aleksander says with a smile. Only when Kirigan leaves some time later does Lantsov realises that it's the first time he addressed him like that. And for some reason he thinks that he meant it honestly.

In the meantime, while the boys have their meeting, you have your own. While you're reading a book, Zoya suddenly barges into your room. You stare at her, surprised.

'Do you sometimes hear Elizaveta's voice?' she asks, stunning you even more.

'Sometimes,' you answer, wincing. 'It gives me a great pleasure to shut her up. I take it you're hearing Juris' voice?'

'Yes,' Zoya sighs and joins you on your sofa. 'Usually, he has some good advice. Some teasing and annoying, but it's alright. But he won't shut up since last night.'

'Why is that?' you ask, deciding not to reveal you witnessed the King's proclamation.

'Nikolai proposed to make me his queen,' she answers after a moment of silence. 'Juris thinks it's an excellent idea. He also suggests I could overthrow him later. While I'm not sure about the former, I'm definitely not going to do the latter.'

'Good to know,' you say and exhale slowly. 'If you want my opinion, you'd be a great queen. Terrifying, but just. Exactly what the people need right now. Plus… it has the perks of being married to the man you love.'

She gives you a harsh look. You answer with a knowing one. She groans and runs a hand through her hair.

'I want to deny it, but I know better than that,' she says and suddenly becomes sad. 'I accepted that I can't have him. And now I suddenly could and… I'm scared.'

'Usually, to reach great things one has to overcome fear,' you say and take her hands in yours. 'I used to believe I can't have Kirigan. Now look at me. I'm with him and I'm happy. You can be, too.'

She sighs and presses her forehead to yours. She thinks for a moment, gnawing at her lip.

'After we deal with Fjerda,' she decides. 'Now it's too soon anyway, his previous fiancée has just "died". It would be too suspicious. Then… I'll decide.'

You smile and squeeze her hands. Suddenly, she looks at you.

'I still feel betrayed by what you did,' she says. 'But I also miss you. Can we be friends again?'

'Nothing would make me happier,' you answer, grinning. Zoya sighs.

'Good, because while I like Alina more than I did when she first arrived, she gets on my nerves,' she says. 'And I can't talk about it with anyone else, because everyone adores her. Besides you.'

'Ah, I knew you had ulterior motives,' you say teasingly.

'Obviously,' she says, rolling her eyes. You look at each other and burst out laughing. Just at that moment Tamar walks in. She raises her eyebrows.

'Am I interrupting something?' she asks.

'Nothing important,' Nazyalensky answers. 'What is it?'

'Nikolai wants to see you,' the Heartrender answers.

'I'll be right there,' Zoya promises. Kir-Bataar nods, sends you a glare and leaves.

'What was that about?' your friend asks. 'I mean, she never really liked you, but it's even worse after you had brought Kirigan back.'

'Oh, that,' you say and chuckle. 'She's angry with me and with herself, because while we were traveling to the Fold she asked me why I really was there. I said I wanted to bring Aleksander back right under your noses. And she didn't believe me, thinking I'm being sarcastic. And I wasn't. I was telling the truth, knowing very well she won't believe me.'

Nazyalensky stares at you, stunned. Then she bursts out laughing again.

'Oh, Tamar must be so furious about it,' she cackles and sighs. 'Brilliant on your side, I must say.'

'Thank you,' you say, beaming. She stands up and squeezes your hand.

'I'll come by later,' she promises. 'Something tells me I'm going to need you after this meeting.'

'I'm always happy to be of service,' you say. Zoya smiles weakly and leaves. You stare at her retreating figure and smile.

Yes. She's going to be an amazing queen.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could. Every comment makes my day!

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52696933/chapters/135558463

[pass1onepr1ncess]

NSFW Topic Warning

Stark contrast from the posts I usually make, but this one's gonna have NSFW topics because I'm pissed off about things so be warned.

It's really been getting under my skin lately that non-fetishized lesbian porn made for and by other lesbians is SO hard to find. Another alter in the system, his name is Milo, is a stricly gay trans man and it's SO EASY for him to find content when he wants it. Even gay porn of trans men! But the second I go looking for lesbian porn, all I can find is straight women being sexy at a camera for straight men to fetishize. And I can tell because there is such a wide difference between the framing and videography and tones of fetishistic "#lesbian" content and actual sapphic content and the former just makes me feel so gross. I don't want to be fetishized, I just want to be horny!

I refuse to use PH partly because of the fetishization but mostly because of the mass exploitation and abuse that happens on there that goes completely unreported and unpunished not just of adult sex workers but also of children and teens that shouldn't be on camera in the first place. I normally use Twitter, but that's where my problem lies in trying to find decent content! I managed to find a singular good account, but not only is all of their content just the same maybe 7-10 videos reposted every month so there's NOTHING new, but they also repost straight content and while that's not, like, a bad thing I just want to be a lesbian in peace!! Without straight people!!

I vented these frustrations with a friend recently and he recommended a BDSM site but the thing is I'm not really into BDSM. I'm not looking for kinky stuff like that- not that anything's wrong with it. BDSM is genuinely one of the healthiest lifestyles I know of when done correctly- I literally just want vanilla lesbian porn made by lesbians for other lesbians! And for some reason, that's so much to fucking ask for!

I think the part of all this that really ticks me off is that content of gay men is so accessible. I can't even count the amount of accounts on twitter who are all gay men (cis AND trans men) making exclusively gay content for other gay men, but the fact that I can't even find ONE good account for lesbian content? It pisses me off!

In all the strides we've made in being a more accepting society of LGBTQ+, why the fuck is it so hard to find stuff like this? Why do the queer men get to have a good time, but I'm struggling to find ONE good source of exclusively sapphic content? Not to say that queer men have it easy, we're all struggling in the same boat don't get me wrong. But it just sucks that the sapphic side of the boat still has a good amount more water in it than the boys' side.

All of this in addition with the stereotypes? The whole thing of people expecting sapphic relationships to be a masculine, woodworking, flannel wearing butch and a dainty, nails and makeup, princess-like femme when there is SO much more than that! Butch4Butch lesbians I love you so much, Femme4Femme lesbians you are doing SO great sweetie. Lesbians who don't really fall into either category, you are incredible! Nonbinary lesbians, you're amazing and keep up the good work! Transbians, you are the bravest fucking people on the planet and I hope you get to fight God one day because you WILL win and you deserve that W.

Not to mention the weird purity culture involved with other queer people trying to palette us for straight people? Saying that lesbians as a whole are soft and nice and pretty? Girl, we're not all coquette and Lana Del Rey. Some of us are, sure, but there is literally no way to try and market lesbians to heteronormative society in a little bow because we don't all fit in one box! And yes, lesbians have sex! It's not all soft romance and cuddling and holding hands on cafe dates. Just like literally every and any other kind of couple, while there's still romance and cutesy moments we still get horny and worked up like literally any other person on earth (Other than asexuals. Not all of you, of course. Shout out to asexuals who still have sex, I see you and you are loved). And what happens when we do? We fuck! We have hot lesbian sex and it's great!

Also, might I add that it's really misogynistic to try and label lesbians as this group of pure, innocent, soft and fluffy group of women who couldn't possibly have a sex drive! Or on the other hand, saying that all lesbians are horndogs who can't keep themselves off each other- because I've seen that one, too! I hate being labeled like this, why is it SO HARD for people to just accept that lesbians are literally just people. We're just like everyone else- the ONLY thing different is that we don't wanna be romantically or sexually involved with men. That is IT!!!!!

And in terms of the lack of good sapphic content, it also goes beyong porn! Literally every sapphic show I've seen released in the past few years has been cancelled after ONE season and then a lot of it just gets deleted entirely so that one season isn't even available anymore!! But the you have Heartstoppers and Love, Simon and I just! I'm happy that we as a community have fought hard enough to have these things. I'm not trying to drive a wedge between the achillean and sapphic communities. I just wish us sapphics got the same treatment as the men do.

I love being a lesbian, don't get me wrong. But sometimes I am exhausted from being overlooked. From being glanced over and shoved into a box that I nor anyone else in that box fits into. I want to be a lesbian in peace.

[kylianswifey]

Obsessed With You - Kylian Mbappe x Reader

Summary:

Hiii, can I request a Kylian imagine where the reader is obsessed with specific things of Kylian's like his hands and she gets turned on by him love ya!!!

Kylian and I had been dating for two years, but I still couldn't get enough of him. He was a famous football player for PSG, but to me, he was so much more. It wasn't just his athletic physique or his charming French accent that I found so irresistible, it was the way he made me feel when he was around me.

We were at home, lounging on the couch and watching a movie. I was curled up next to Kylian, my head resting on his broad chest. His arms were wrapped around me, and I could feel his muscles ripple beneath his t-shirt as he shifted. I let out a soft sigh as I closed my eyes, feeling completely at peace.

As the movie played on, I started to get lost in my thoughts, and I couldn't help but think about Kylian's hands. They were so strong and masculine, yet they could be so gentle and tender when he held me. I turned my head slightly to look at his hands, and he caught me staring.

"What's on your mind?" he asked, his voice low and husky.

I bit my lip, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks. "Just thinking about how much I love your hands," I admitted.

Kylian's lips curled into a smirk, and he tightened his grip around me. "Is that so?" he murmured, his breath hot against my ear.

I shivered at the sensation, feeling a rush of heat course through me. I knew I was turning him on, but the feeling was mutual. Kylian's proximity had a way of making me feel alive and awake, as if every nerve in my body was buzzing with electricity.

______

Another time, we were out to dinner, sitting across from each other at a candlelit table. Kylian was dressed in a sharp suit, his hair neatly styled, and I couldn't help but stare. He looked like a god among men, and I couldn't believe he was all mine.

As we ate, Kylian caught me looking at him again. "What's going on in that head of yours?" he teased.

I shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed. "Just thinking about how handsome you look."

Kylian chuckled, his eyes sparkling. "Well, I do clean up pretty nicely, don't I?"

I laughed, feeling my heart swell with affection. I loved how confident and sure of himself Kylian was. It was a trait that made him all the more attractive to me.

The night went on, and Kylian and I enjoyed each other's company. But as we walked back to our hotel room, I couldn't help but feel a rush of desire for him. I wanted to feel his hands on me, to feel his lips against mine.

Once we were alone, Kylian wasted no time in closing the distance between us. He pressed me up against the wall, his lips hot and demanding as he claimed my mouth. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close as our tongues danced.

Kylian's hands roamed over my body, sending shivers down my spine. I let out a moan, feeling my knees go weak. I was completely lost in the moment, my desire for him consuming me.

_______

Another time, we were at the beach, playing in the waves. Kylian was shirtless, and I couldn't help but stare at his perfectly sculpted chest. As we splashed around, I found myself drawn to him, wanting to feel the heat of his skin against mine.

We swam out to deeper water, and Kylian pulled me close to him. I felt his hands on my hips, and I let out a gasp at the sensation. He leaned in, his lips brushing against my ear.

Kylian noticed the way I was staring at him and smirked. "What?" he asked.

I took a deep breath and mustered up the courage to look back at him. "It's just...you're so perfect. I can't help but be turned on by everything about you."

Kylian's smirk turned into a grin as he wrapped his arms around me. "Really?" he said, playfully.

I nodded, feeling a shiver run down my spine as his hands traveled down to my waist. "Yeah. Your hands, the way you hold me, the way you talk, your laugh, your muscles, your man figure overall. I just can't get enough of you."

He leaned in close to my ear, his breath sending tingles down my neck. "Well, lucky for you, I can't get enough of you either," he whispered.

I turned to face him, locking eyes with his deep brown ones. The way he looked at me made me feel like the only person in the world. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. His lips were warm and soft, and I could feel the passion behind it.

As we pulled away, I couldn't help but smile. "I just can't believe how lucky I am to have you."

Kylian smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "You're not the lucky one," he said. "I'm just a football player."

I shook my head, knowing he was so much more than that. "You're more than that to me," I said. "You're my everything."

He leaned in for another kiss, and I melted into his embrace. In that moment, nothing else in the world mattered except for us.

As the sun began to set, we made our way back to our room. I couldn't take my eyes off of Kylian, admiring the way his muscles flexed with every step. He caught me staring again and smirked.

"You know, it's not fair that you get to be so perfect," I said.

Kylian chuckled. "I could say the same thing about you," he replied.

I blushed, feeling my heart race at his words. We reached our room, and Kylian unlocked the door, holding it open for me.

As I walked in, I felt his strong arms wrap around me from behind. He rested his chin on my shoulder, and I leaned back into him. We stood like that for a few moments, just enjoying each other's company.

I turned to face him, looking up into his eyes. "I love you," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I love you too," he replied, leaning down to kiss me again.

In that moment, I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. With Kylian, I felt safe, loved, and desired. Nothing else in the world mattered as long as we had each other.

[teamloyalty]

look how football players who are for some reasons not classified as "GENDER CONFORMED" based on some toxic masculinity standards are being treated...jules koundé dares to wear boots with heels or experiment a bit with his outfits and sense of style in a somewhat more fluid way and the french call him julia. pavard gets outed by a paparazzi who said he's gay (true or not, we don't know) and because he perhaps looks slightly more elegant/soft than average he's made fun of or called the f word. those rumours of mbappe dating a trans woman as an excuse to drag him or call him freak.

if I were a queer footballer I would never ever come out. never ever.

i'm with totally with you, anon. truly i see no reason why a queer footballer should risk any semblance of peace for the rest of their lives to come out lolz it really is that dire. and its all SO wrapped up in sex like

not sure i'm going to say this well but - what makes an athlete a successful representation of the ideal man is his ability to perform hegemonic masculinity in all facets of his life; because these men are high performing athletes (the peak expression of masculinity) they're also expected to perform masculinity at an elite level in all other respects as well. these toxic norms of masculinity emphasize domination, over most other men and over ALL women (and anything perceived as feminine).

and the minute an athlete transgress the boundary into anything NOT distinctly male, they're called gay -- or at the very least treated as though they are gay. queerness indicates an inherent wrongness about the male body, something sinister in the way gay men use their male bodies for acts outside the realm of acceptability for real men.

and this is a problem because by definition elite male athletes model for the rest of society the most successful, most masculine, perfected use of the male body.

look at the way that people responded to just the SUGGESTION that declan rice would love his [white, blonde, VERY beautiful] girlfriend because she's midsized. (they'll call her fat and she's not. she's midsized at most.) she does not conform to the highest possible beauty standards so ppl think that he could do better, find some prettier, skinnier woman to fuck (because that's all he could possibly want in a partner: the hottest woman to fuck, and to demonstrate to the world that he's fucking her). i've seen people wonder if he's not attracted to women at all. why else would a famous young athlete want a fat, ugly girlfriend? (she is neither of these things). he MUST be gay.

THIS IS A STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIP.

idk man its just sooooo darksided. maybe out players wouldn't receive direct in-person harassment from fans at games, but anyone who knows anything about how homophobia actually operates in society at large and isn't a fucking idiot knows that homophobia isn't solely damaging in the form of physical in person violence. football fans online can't even handle someone wearing fucking rainbow shoe laces. FUCKING SHOE LACES.

and that's not to mention the myriad of ways that implicit bias would impact out players, negatively affecting their ability to make connections in the game, acquire brand deals, move to the right clubs, etc etc.

well-meaning people in the football world will say that for forward progress, a few brave footballers just need to come out and normalize queerness in the sport. they're too entrenched in that world to recognize that its very foundations are rooted in homophobia.

[crazyboy3million]

Sound off about how you feel about this bc I truly have no problem with discussing it even if you disagree... Here is one of the main reasons why I can't get behind "transandrophobia" as a real term and can't really take posts using that term seriously even if I agree with the points made themselves.

I think it's a very vapid and misrepresentative term for the unique experiences with transphobia that transmascs experience. I think that it stems from transmascs reading about "trans misogyny," which represents the unique intersection of transphobia and misogyny that trans women face, and the thought process from there is "well, we should have a word for our version of that too, let's just change misogyny to a word that means anti-male."

My issue with this is that androphobia does not exist in the wild. The patriarchy has no room for "anti-masculinity" or "anti-maleness." These are baseless ideals reinforced by terfs alone that are typically just used as weapons against trans women.

My theory is that there is an extremely uncomfortable and unfair truth that the transphobic bias against transmasculinity is also a product of misogyny. "That's what we mean by transandrophobia" is not an explanation for the way people actually use that word. Transmascs who post about "transandrophobia" are not a monolith, but every single one of these posts that I've come across has at least undertones of trans infighting and trans misogyny, and an underlying or even overt agenda that mainstream society has a problem with men. I've seen a lot of very obviously fake or exaggerated stories about trans men being belittled by trans women and I believe that these stories are used to spread the bitter idea that trans women hate or envy or look down upon all trans men, when really it seems like the storyteller just met a tgirl who's kind of shitty in her own way. (Btw, I've seen plenty of posts from trans women that seem to have a weird bitterness against trans men, and those seem to also contain sweeping generalizations based on anecdotal evidence. It goes both ways and it's always bad).

Terfs hate us because they want us to be women. They see "deviance from womanhood" in trans men as a product of undiagnosed mental illness or the manipulation of vulnerable little girls. The way I see it, it's rooted in misogyny and anti-masculinity in women, and not anti-maleness. This is of course stupid bullshit that is incredibly dysphoria inducing, and my first instinct would be to come up with another explanation for it as well. Still, white men--it's a different story for black men, which can't be chalked up to "androphobia" either--are not belittled for being masculine in a society where the patriarchy dominates not only social rules but laws and politics. This is why I sort of get an early stage mens rights activist vibe from "transandrophobia."

So to conclude, I think this term indicates a lack of critical thinking about roots of the unique experiences that we, as men, have with transphobia. I think it's used too commonly among trans men who want to establish a hostile division between us and trans women. Solidarity is hard. Sometimes it's an uphill battle. I think if we all approached discourse with the desire to understand and appreciate everyone's point of view, it would just make us all feel a little more peaceful at the very least.

I understand where transandrophobia truthers are coming from. I've been there, I've regrettably touted transmedicalism in the past, I've resisted educating myself out of the fear of being wrong, I've started useless arguments with people online that just raised my heart rate, and now I've given up on being divisive within the trans community and all I want is for people to just hear me out on this stuff even if they still end up hating all of my points and disagreeing with me in the end. Idk if anyone will even see this, it's just something that's been on my mind lately. Pls if you disagree with me at least try to be nice about it 😭 ok bye I'm done

[atlantic-riona]

A lot of people will say that women weren't allowed to do anything in the past and therefore only a few brave women fearlessly challenged the patriarchy and thus changed history, but I think maybe we should reframe our mindset to one where women don't have to participate in traditionally masculine activities to have any worth. Like I'm all for reading about female pirates and warriors and queens and so on, but I think that acting like only the women who fought in wars or voted had any meaning does such a disservice to the far more interesting story of women throughout history.

For example, I was reading about how during the Civil War, both the Union and the Confederate soldiers were seizing merchant ships that had strayed to the "wrong" side. Often these merchants were the wives and children helping out in the family business. This account that I read described how this ship was taken and the soldiers were trying to explain why to this merchant wife, only she was vehemently protesting. I distinctly remember her saying something along the lines of, "And what would your mother say about this, young man?" while her five or six children were behind her. It's just...that's something I can hear any mother say today! And the soldier didn't tell her to shut up because she was a woman, or anything like that. He had a job to do, and he had to do it, but she was clearly Not Going To Be Moved. And being a woman didn't change that.

And it's so interesting to consider how our perception of society in the past is most likely influenced by our perception of the present - we can't imagine how women could have accomplished anything without things like the legal right to vote. In another book I read, it talked about how during the early American Republic, women were instrumental in politics. They were seen as a moral voice and precisely because they couldn't vote, they were seen as neutral, and often worked behind the scenes to achieve compromise and peace between factions. That's actually a major reason given by the many women who opposed women getting the vote - they would lose that kind of power in society.

It's also fascinating how people assume that in the past, all men must have held women down, when in actuality, that... wasn't quite the case. In a book on seafaring women, the author noted that there were actually quite a few instances of women pretending to be men and joining the navy or army. As long as they did their job and didn't make any enemies, most men looked the other way.

This is not to say that women were never oppressed or men were always champions for women - you can't make generalizations like that for any group in history - but it's certainly a more complicated story than "all women were sad and oppressed, except for the few kickass women who picked up a gun or sword and showed the men what for." I really wish we could get a more nuanced view of women in the past, beyond the few who decided to fight in a war.

[tfem-confessions]

I'm a nonbinary intersex transfem. I have some things I want to say about how I experience transmisogyny, transandrophobia, intersexism, and exorsexism.

There's different ways to experience them all, regardless of your identity. I'm transfem, but hypovisible. It is deemed transmisogynistic to accept me as a transfem and incorporate intersex and nonbinary transfem experiences that do not align with perisex and often binary ones. Complete strangers will try to sell me on transfem separatism and continually misgender me because "transfem = binary girl who uses she/her and likes to be called sister by strangers" apparently. I've watched "Listen to transfems" become "Listen to trans women" over the months and cut out more and more hypovisible transfems. People who prioritize one trans experience as the "true" one are always the most blatantly transmisogynistic to me because they treat me as an invader cis perisex woman to transfemininity there to steal transness as if it is a limited resource.

I do experience transandrophobia as a transfem. My transition will involve testosterone and I have heard the "T is a poison that makes you inherently a sex pest and unable to respect sexual boundaries" from other transfems when my transfem partner at the time was closeted and sexually harassing and assaulting me. Having that experience and growing up in a culture where people do say anyone like men is an abuser waiting to happen and your own trauma from cis perisex men is going to make you terrified.

The invisibility between them (my nonbinary identity and intersex body) is the exorsexism and intersexism at work. Everyone assumes I have the lived experience of a wealthy cis perisex binary white woman, when I don't. My body has been always mocked and considered too masculine for me to be a "real girl" by everyone around me, and the perisex trans community seems deadset on just reinforcing that. I feel like I can't trust perisex trans people to take intersexism seriously, or even exorsexism since so few people acknowledge it exists in the assumptions that all transfems are trans women.

I'm tired and just want to be able to exist in peace. With Project 2025, I might not even get testosterone even if I need it for non-transitioning medical reasons due to being intersex and how it is disabling for my body in some ways. The infighting of who is the "acceptable" trans identity means people like me will die first.

Oh darling I'm so sorry. I don't really have anything I can say to help, and i'm sorry for leaving you in my askbox for so long.

The intersexism is crazy even in trans communities and I can't imagine how it feels to be trans intersex and socially barred from both.

Wishing you the best of luck and prayers for the next 4 years. I can only hope it will pass and as many of us can survive as possible, but we need to stick together now more than ever.

[satansbutterfly]

I'd like to take a moment and thank everyone for your follows and your interest in my page.

I would like to express that I have identified as a Trans female for quite some time and feel most comfortable doing so.

There seems to be an old stigma,or misconception around the Trans community that I'd like to express. I met a few that just don't want to or can't understand.

It is very insulting when we are called crossdressers,when we feel inside like we are women.(or men)

This isn't a fetish,we don't get off every time we wear the clothing that fits our personality

When we go out it's not just to get laid, sometimes we just have to hit the nail salon or spa, even grocery shopping. Isn't that what normal people do?

So simply we don't crossdress,we experss our true selves in a way that is comfortable for us.

I have always had a deep feminine soul and now that I can fully express that,

I like others am at peace.

How we express our masculine or feminine side is our journey wether it suits your understanding or not.

Sexual expression is a completely different topic,I love to sexually express myself and don't have a lot of limits doing so.Giving pleasure is such a good thing and I am a Satanist which allows me the freedom to live the life I desire.

Does anyone feel the same way,just curious.

I don't come home everyday shave off a beard and decide what girlie thing am I gonna wear,I live what I am

Girls wear tee shirts and jeans too,and I saw a "man" with painted fingernails.

And sluts have no gender...Hail Satan