#can't live with her can't live without her. or whatever

[abrisaber]

The Main Problem With This Community

I'm gonna be transparent here, I fucking hate Social Media as a whole. I don't understand what gas leak has infected the brains of every single internet user, but the levels of toxicity I see on a daily basis on every single website I go on is unfathomable.

It's impossible to have any sort of meaningful discussion about Helluva Boss or Hazbin Hotel or anything for that matter on this website, and on all websites. Because regardless of where you are, it's always going to be a massive dick measuring contest. People who claim to hate the show but are the first ones to watch every episode will spew uncredited personal attacks on the creators, and people who claim to love it will ignore it's glaring, obvious flaws because they'd rather live in an echo chamber than address that their favorite show is problematic.

And look, I'm not going to be that toxic hater who says if you like Vivziepop's work you should be burned at the stake, and I'm not going to be a blinded fan who thinks that the show is secretly a masterpiece if you squint your eyes and tilt your head.

I don't really like Helluva Boss anymore, and to be honest Vivziepop has completely lost any respect she's had from me. But I continue to watch the show and continue to critique it because I like to analyze media.

My main probably with this whole community, people for and against both shows, is that there's literally no point in any of these discussions. When I make these long winded posts about HB or HH, I make them because I want to have a discussion about the actual contents in the show. I don't make them to ignite discourse about why Vivziepop is evil. and I don't want to hear any of your bullshit rebuttals to anything I say if you can't disagree with me without calling me an anti or a hater or whatever. I don't follow their social media, I don't study the drama. I watch the show, and then I talk about it, plain and simple.

If you think Vivziepop is problematic and you want to roast her over the coals, by all means. If you think Vivziepop is the messiah and everything she makes is pure gold, by all means. But if you bring that stupid elementary school bullshit into my replies, into my reblogs, into my page, you are dirt to me. I don't give a fuck. If you can't have even a fraction of an intellectual conversation without acting like Helluva Boss killed your grandma, then I don't wanna fucking hear it. I'm not an anti page, I'm a person with original opinions.

[engie-ivy]

(December time! Festive fics! Trigger warning: mentions of assault, but nothing graphic. Happy ending though🙂)

1257 words.

When his friends are forced to spend Christmas without Sirius, all they can do is pray for a Christmas miracle.

Until You're Home Again

It’s Gonna Be a Cold Cold Christmas - Dana Scallon

“Hello love,” Remus leans over and kisses Sirius’ cheek. “It's cold outside. You would be freezing, stubbornly insisting on still wearing that leather jacket of yours.”

He takes off his coat and hangs it over the chair, rubbing his hands together to get some warmth in them. Before he sits down, he trails his fingers gently across Sirius’ cheek.

“Oh, before I forget.” He rummages through his coat pocket. “Mary baked you a batch of your favourite cookies. I'll just put them here beside you, so you can eat them when… when you can, okay, love?” His hand trembles slightly as he places the box on Sirius’ bedside table.

“Christmas is coming up soon, you know? I haven't put up the tree this year.” He chuckles. “I can just imagine how you would scold me for my lack of Christmas cheer, wouldn't you, love?”

The only response he gets is the steady beep of the machine.

Lily slides into the chair across from Remus and passes over a hot chocolate. “How was he today?”

Remus shrugs, fiddling with the lid of his cup. “The same, I guess. At least it's not worse, but it's not… better either.”

Lily sighs. “I'm sorry. And any news on the upcoming trial?”

“Our lawyer has suggested postponing,” Remus replies, still staring at his cup. “She says that if we wait, maybe we can charge them with murder instead of attempted murder or aggravated assault.” He swallows. “And I want them to get the maximum sentence, of course I do, but…” He looks up and meets Lily's eyes. “I don't want to lose him. I can't… Oh god, I can't lose him, Lily.” His voice breaks towards the end.

A determined look appears on Lily's face. “She's a lawyer, not a doctor! Whatever she has to say about Sirius waking up or not doesn't matter!”

Remus averts his eyes again. “The doctors aren't giving me much hope either. All they're saying is that they had hoped Sirius would've shown more signs of consciousness by now.”

Lily reaches over and squeezes Remus’ hand. “You should come over to our place after visiting hours tomorrow. It's Christmas Day, and we're all getting together.”

“I don't know, Lils,” Remus replies. “I'm not really in the mood for a celebration.”

“Remus John Lupin,” Lily says sternly. “If you think that we're all merrily going to be singing Christmas carols around the Christmas tree while Sirius is in the hospital in such a state you are sorely mistaken!” She lowers her voice. “We're all going to be miserable. We just figured we could be miserable together.”

“I'm sorry, Lily,” Remus says. “Of course you're not…” He shakes his head. “I'm sorry, and I'd love to come over tomorrow.”

Lily smiles at him. “And who knows, maybe we'll get a Christmas miracle.”

1 year later

“Oi! Those cookies are for tonight!” Mary snatches the box away.

“Awww, come on, Mary,” Sirius pouts. “Last year I wasn't able to eat any. I have to make up for lost time.”

“Sirius Orion Black. Are you using what happened to you as a way to get cookies?”

“It depends,” Sirius says. “Is it working?”

“Dammit, yes, it is.” Mary hands him back the box.

James and Lily come out of the kitchen, just as Marlene and Dorcas arrive. “Dinner is in the oven,” James says. “And should be ready within half an hour.”

“Marls, look!” Sirius says, as Marlene kisses his cheek to greet him. He lifts up his right arm almost over his head. “I almost have full range of motion back in my arm!”

“That's amazing!” Marlene beams at him. “All your hard work in physical therapy is really paying off!”

“And I went to the supermarket on my own yesterday,” Sirius adds.

“Mate, I'm so proud of you!” James places a hand on Sirius’ shoulder as he smiles at him even brighter than Marlene.

Sirius huffs. “You two saving lives in the Emergency Room on a daily basis, acting all proud just because I went to a supermarket.”

“Our jobs have nothing to do with how hard you've been working in exposure therapy,” James says sternly. “What we do for a living doesn't take anything away from your hard-earned progress.”

“Yes,” Marlene agrees. “You're actually facing your fears, which is the most difficult thing anyone can do.”

“And he's not the only one,” Lily whispers, looking at Remus.

Remus bites his lip, because she isn't wrong. Remus has been having… not the easiest time himself.

Sirius needs to learn by exposure that it's safe for him to go outside on his own and he doesn't have to be afraid, and it won't be at all helpful for his progress if his boyfriend would prefer to lock him up inside a room where nothing bad can ever happen to him ever again. Sirius is working very hard in exposure therapy, and the last thing Remus wants is to make it more difficult for him by adding his own worries. Just like Sirius, Remus needs to learn nothing bad is going to happen when Sirius goes out on his own.

But then again, Remus didn't think anything bad was going to happen when Sirius went out for a run that one morning.

“This looks wonderful, James,” Fabian and Gideon say in unison, looking at the table covered with food.

Lily nudges James. “Make a toast, honey.”

Mary looks around the room threateningly, making Peter cower. “My make-up is on point today, so no one dare make me cry.”

James chuckles. “I'll keep it short then. Here's to Christmas Eve all together as it should be!”

Everyone holds up their glasses. “To Christmas Eve all together!”

But before they can all start to eat, Remus scrapes his throat and gets to his feet. “I actually have something to say as well.”

“I'm warning you, Lupin…” Mary says with a glare.

“Last year, I thought I was never going to spend Christmas with you ever again,” Remus speaks, turning to Sirius, who is, of course, sitting next to him. “And that made me realize I never want to spend Christmas without you ever again. Apparently, never leaving you out of my sight for a single moment is considered ‘unhealthy’ according to my therapist. So, since I can't glue myself to your side all day, at least I want to come home to you at the end of the day. Always.” Remus drops down to one knee and pulls out a square box from his inner pocket. He flips it open, displaying an elegant, silver ring. “Sirius Orion Black. Will you marry me?”

“Oh my god.” Sirius presses his hands to his mouth as tears well up in his eyes. “Rem…Really? I mean, are you sure?” He takes one of Remus’ hands in his own, the tears now streaming down his face. “I know I like to show how much better I'm doing, but the truth is, I'm still such a mess. Gods, Rem, I can barely go outside by myself! Are you sure you want to be dealing with all of that?”

“One hundred percent,” Remus replies instantly, though his voice is a little choked by the emotions. “Everything. Forever.”

Sirius searches Remus’ eyes for a moment. “Yes,” he then says. “Yes. Please, yes.” He lets himself fall forward into Remus’ arms.

“Damn you, Remus Lupin,” Mary sobs, mascara streaks running down her cheeks.

“Sorry,” Remus says, but he actually isn't sorry at all. Not with his Christmas miracle in his arms.

[sevs-corner]

the voices are talking again and they have concluded on the random idea of -- Tf 141: Transformers AU but they're like Cade Yeager and you're Tessa Yeargar (this is gonna be more on the found family genre, ok?)

Imagine the setting is based on the movie "Age of Extinction"

The four are just strugglin' to make ends meet as country-side mechanics out in the wild west. They could barely feed each other, living by each passing pay they could scrape together with all the odd jobs they pick up on the side. From mowing lawns, fixing plumbing, working in construction, double timing shifts at groceries and mechanic shops-- they do all this to support their family. To put food on their table.

And to make sure you get to live a comfortable life.

Yes, you-- the infamously adopted daughter of those gay couple at the corner of town. Clearly they're relationship status was viewed in poor taste by the townsfolk (those stubborn traditionalists) and in return, you were often associated with that status and unjustly judged for it.

School was always shit, a pain to go to and see-- but you needed to do it. Needed to finish it and graduate.

Not just because you're ass was on the line if you didn't, but you wanted to go to college for engineering. You were inspired by your dads (and secretly wanted to make them proud) and worked closely with them whenever they would coop up in their 'man-cave' (aka their working barn but they hang out there often too, so they resolve to calling it that.)

Day-in and day-out, you would help them after doing homework, helping some left over clean-up work they had to do before cooking dinner and sharing a couple of beers in front of a televised game. Once you were sure that they were all conked-up and snoring, sometimes, you would sneak into their garage and grab some of their old inventions-- trying to replicate them without any of their blueprints and study the purpose behind it. You would do this in your own personal workshop with your prized car that you fixed up yourself (and sometimes used in the drag car races.)

Hence, in similar fashion, you work as hard as them and in return, they try their best to support you-- with the only thing holding them back is the point that you might be away from them.

The best engineering college is states away and they just can't see why you can't just attend the college they have nearby, and still live with them to cut on costs on rent and other daily necessities.

But to their frustrations, you were just as stubborn as them (you were raised by them after all) and wouldn't back down from that argument. It wasn't like it was sure-ball guarantee you were going to leave-- what if you really sucked and that top league university doesn't take you? So, to you, they were just unnecessarily worrying for something that might not even happen in the first place.

Until... it does.

You're days awaiting for your graduation date and just fulfilling some left over requirements your school does for the students at the end of the year. You've started picking up on your side-hustle of also becoming a mechanic (and a secret drag racer at the side) at the car dealer and their mechanic shop, hoping to earn as much as you can for whatever fate has dealt in her cards for you.

These men are antsy.

They could feel the date coming closer and closer and either side had not come to a compromise on what you would do.

Until they see it.

That dreaded fucking mailman on a rickety old bike, their daily papers and some envelopes in his hand as he slots it in their old- but automatic- mailbox. When he looks up, the mailman sweats profusely, seeing all their pointed glares aimed at him, and just as he was about to pedal away-- a dog (Riley) chases after him like its his routine yet he still screams and bikes away.

Though he goes faster than before once he sees the dog actually jump over the fence this time.

All of them huff out a chuckle before Soap decides to grab the mail with Gaz giving him a quick smooch on his shaved off head in thanks while the other three of them go back to working out the old mobile their neighbor wanted fixed up.

Yet this gets interrupted by the most horrific scream Johnny lets out, making them whip their heads to the noise and immediately make their way to him.

And there they see, in his trembling hand, the letter.

In bright bold font behind the transparent section of the envelope, it says...

"Congratulations for being accepted."

Sadly, this news never reached you, no matter how much you pried for it. Seeing in your email that the letter was in transit and should be on the way soon, but still-- there was no news.

And the four men they call themselves cannot muster the courage to break this to you in fear that you would leave them.

Although this stone is left unturned when the truck- that Ghost found in an old theater his friend asked him to fix-up, became a fucking autobot in their barn.

Chaos ensues just like the plot of the movie.

They learn of your drag racing driving skills from the 'boyfriend' that saved you guys before getting picked off by the black ops unit of the CIA- the Cemetery Wind (or in this case, the Shadow Company) led by Philipp Graves.

Your boyfriend, being Alex Keller, a top race car driver that actually trained you and cleaned up your skills as a driver, which he was thankful at the moment when you proceed to pull out moves that crashed the other cars behind you and lose them in the explosion that helped you get off the grid for a moment.

The four men don't know what's worse now.

You not agreeing with them in your choice of college or you keeping a secret boyfriend from them under their nose-- and they have to see HIM cuddle up with YOU- THEIR PRECIOUS DAUGHTER?

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

So, the whole time, they're trying to keep you away from each other-- and it was quite easy with four bodyguards orbiting around you 24/7.

All the while, you guys plan with Optimus to meet up with the rest of the Autobots to infiltrate the headquarters of K.S.I. after discovering that the company behind the attacks on the autobots. You had no choice but to accompany your family, you didn't trust them to keep themselves safe so you were gonna keep them in check-- with your boyfriend, of course.

On the other side of this story (for the other characters), Shepherd (in place of Joshua Joyce as the CEO) is the great big antagonist that helps rebuild Galvatron while in kahoots with Graves to forward their plan of improving the world through the use of the 'seed.'

Laswell, for this role, was the secretary of Shepherd-- but after the attack of their headquarters, gets in contact with the Optimus crew and offers her aid and connections to over turn the corrupted tide that was surely going to end their world.

The boys are obviously hesistant, but once she proves her information to be correct once she showed the company's plans on Galvatron-- they knew they needed her to accomplish it.

And so the plot continues as per the movie with its own sprinkle of excitement (once i build this in my drafts lol)

Welp, that was my word vomit for today-- you can find my masterlist here!

[tadc-harlequin-au]

I don’t know why but I want a “ribbun” I know the chemistry is very much not there but the idea of gangle having a crush and with too much of being near Jax formed it

Well, the Harlequin AU diverges from canon a lot

And in this AU, Jax has a character development arc that starts all because of Gangle, giving opportunity to shine for Ribbun shippers looking for possible Harlequin!Ribbun content without it being incredibly toxic and damaging

This AU in general, while it would stay mostly as just a found-family-friend-group canonically, still opens the possibility of romantically shipping whatever you like because there'd be an abundant amount of interactions within the group. The only exception, being Showtime, as it plays a major role in the story and already has a linear planned storyline relevant to the overarching plot.

But that doesn't mean you can't have your usual Pomni or Caine ships here like FunnyBunny or RoyalTeeth platonically, though I am getting off track

For example, Bunnydoll. In the Harlequin AU, Ragatha is very much constantly annoyed with Jax and loses her carefully-crafted, calm lady-like persona around him because he lives for her reactions. Though that starts to change from annoyance, to amusement; even joining in on the chaos as the story progresses on.

Or Abstragedy; where in this AU, Z is a closed off Puppet who doesn't seem to care about anything in the slightest, except Gangle can see through this giant Puppet's apathetic mask. So Gangle slowly earns Z's trust, enough for Z to open up and be more like themselves around her.

As I've said before, I want the cast to form a healthy relationship here even with their horrible upbringings BECAUSE this is an AU that strives for the best possible outcome for everyone (I do not care shut the fuck up this is MY AU I get to choose the CANON ending); and so I chose relationship dynamics that start off not exactly as healthy, but massively improves overtime and also sticks to the personalities I've assigned to each one (as well as becoming better versions of their prior selves).

Point is, ship what you ship. This AU, rest assured, will provide an open window for you to jump in and grab whatever ship you'll like, give it a ton of content for you to run with it. All in equal terms, except Showtime because that's the main part of the show HAHA

[glitcheslikeslego]

MK was destined to create chaos and he can't change that

MK is destined to create chaos and he can’t change that

Destiny shmestiny, we’re all tired of it, MK isn’t following his destiny… but he actually is.

See, I have a very normal amount of love for the idea surrounding destinies and fates and stuff similar to it, which I believe that I can explain as to why I believe MK is following his exact destiny, even though he’d most likely hate it if he ever found out. 

For starters, here’s a difference between fate and destiny that I want to explain. Fate and destiny, while similar, are not the same thing. Let me explain;

Fate is the end that’s decided for everything, it’s decided by whatever higher being there is, and is the end. Whether the end that is reached is regardless of the choices you made in life, or is determined due to the choices because you were fated to have those choices is another thing. 

Destiny on the other hand, while having a similar idea of being an end, isn’t completely the same. Destiny is the end of a life that depends on the choices that life makes, it takes account of the things you’ve done and the choices you make and moulds your destiny until the very end.

So to make a long explanation short, fate doesn’t give a shit what choices you make, it’ll be the predetermined end no matter what, while destiny is predetermined based on the choices you have made in life. Does that make sense?

Let’s use LBD as an example, since she’s the one preaching about destiny and such. Depending on how you look at it, she either met her fate or reached her destiny in the season 3 specials. She was either fated to die at the hands of MK and his team, regardless of how she went about to try and reach her goals, or she was destined to reach that end because of the choices she’s made. 

I like to think she was fated to, cause I think it’s funny, but you all can make your own opinions on this.

I believe I rambled enough about the differences between fate and destiny, we should get into the actual reason for this analysis.

MK is destined to create chaos

MK is a free spirit, he loves his friends and family, and tries to stay cheerful despite the horrors he’s faced. He is determined to be a good student to Wukong and to be the best successor he can by following Wukong’s every move,but much like the monkey, he hates being tied down, both literally and figuratively.

Literally because Macaque tied him up once, rendering him useless, which is obvious he hates, but we’ll get to that in a possible future MK character analysis.

But also figuratively, because he believes destiny goes against his idea of freedom. Of being able to do what you want, regardless of the choices you make and what the gods say. He treats destiny like it’s fate when it isn't.

This is why he defies against characters like LBD and Nuwa so hard, cause not only did LBD try and destroy the world and hurt her friends and not only did Nuwa try and convince MK it would be best to start a new cycle, they both challenged his belief in letting others decide how they want to live their lives.

MK wants to fight for the world, for humans to be able to make their own choices in safety, without being threatened by demons or celestial beings, however in doing so, he is following his destiny of being the Harbinger of Chaos, created to do exactly that, make chaos. And what better way to make chaos than defying the gods themselves, hm?

So, in trying to avoid destiny, MK is actually following his destiny.

TLDR; MK doesn’t like it when people try and tell him to follow his destiny, so he defies them and it causes chaos, and as the Harbinger of Chaos, he’s just following his destiny.

[telewarp]

i think theres something getting lost in translation here, because i never said anything about him being willing to kill lavellan or that his love was untrue, or that he loves mythal more than her specifically (the point being made about mythal being who he loves most was not inclusive of a romanced lavellan, because this is not a post solely about solavellan, it is about solas as a character, and without lavellan there mythal is the one he arguably loved most as presented within the narrative)

the point is less "solas lies about everything" (not true), and more "solas is willing to lie to most everyone, so you HAVE to take the shit he says with a grain of salt and read between the lines"

i also don't think he'd ever directly harm a romanced lavellan. an inquisitor he was friends with? maybe, depending on what he hoped to achieve by that. but he sees himself as this liar, trickster spirit who will do whatever it takes to reach his goal, and there are more ways to do harm to someone than physical, and plenty of ways to do harm while intending to do right by them (see: solas's entire character arc is based around him continually trying to do right by the world and making things worse in the meantime)

i do, however, not exactly believe solas is doing this out of a true motivation to "help" modern elves in a way i consider to be helping them, not in the sense that i think he wants to harm them either, or that he doesn't care what happens to them; moreover, i'm coming at it from the point of view where, if he thinks he has to fix them, then the thing being implied but not said outright is the idea that they are broken and need to be changed in order to not be broken. not that the world is wrong for oppressing them (not that he DOESN'T think that either, we know solas is against that kind of oppression), or that the other races are wrong for treating them the way they are treated, but that his idea of "saving" or "fixing" them lies in the idea that if he can restore their magic, their immortality, then that is going to undo the damage that's been done. has he started viewing them as "people" again in the decade thats gone by since inquisition? yes, mostly, but he views them as broken people who need his saving, which is still an uncharitable view of them, even if it's a wholly sympathetic one. (side note, from what i remember this is what he thinks of dwarves in inquisition too, which is... awkward... considering what we know now)

by saying "he is not saving anyone who exists in the modern world", this is what i mean. this is not necessarily a lie he is using to deliberately manipulate the narrative! in fact, all evidence points otherwise! he holds this belief that the only way to "make things right", the only way to "fix" the world is... to undo the veil, allow the spirits to intermingle with the physical world again, and ultimately in that act he hopes to give the elves their long lives and magic back again. this idea he holds is that this will fix them as well, the implication they are therefore another "broken" people he left behind, and solas as the only one with the power to fix them (he is a spirit of pride, after all).

his idea of saving them is to change them. the tragedy of his character is that he is unwilling to accept things as they are. that's what i mean when i say he is not, in reality, trying to "save" anyone who exists in this modern world, he is trying to change them. at least in my view, you can't save anyone by changing them.

of course, this is my personal interpretation of how it seems he feels judging by what he says versus his actual actions versus what word of god tells us. the reason he's such a good character is because of how thoroughly unreliable a narrator he is. i don't think he's irredeemable, or a monster, or someone who only ever lies and never tells the truth as the evanuris would have us belief.

there's a strong narrative of not letting regret hold you back from looking to the future in veilguard, but there's also a narrative of "just because things are different, doesn't mean they're broken". through harding's story, we learn the dwarven people are not broken, they are still here and still thriving in spite of everything that happened in the past. this ties directly into the main storyline, which concludes that the elven people, too, are not broken, what remains of mythal is not broken, the inquisitor is not broken, they are not people who need to be changed to be saved, every wrong in the world is not his to solve alone, all they need is for solas, and everyone else, to have the power to accept them as they are. that's ultimately how veilguard's, and solas's, narrative arc reads to me, because he is an unreliable narrator and a strategic liar, something i've seen a number of people brush aside with "solas was right actually" type arguments about how the game is bad because it didn't let you side with him (which is a whole other can of worms)

the thing about Solas Dragon Age is that he is an unreliable narrator. he lies. it is literally his thing, he points it out again and again, and real ass people STILL fall for his lies and propaganda again and again, even though he is literally A Well Known Liar

solas in inquisition does not view modern elves as "people". he doesn't view any modern day race as "people", this is something you can learn from cole, who has a unique insight into his head. solas pulls away from a romanced lavellan in inquisition specifically because SHE IS STARTING TO MAKE HIM VIEW MODERN DAY PEOPLE AS ACTUAL PEOPLE and he doesn't want that, because if he views them as people, he won't be able to pull down the veil. his "i had plans to minimize casualties" is a stretch of the truth at best and an outright lie at worst in veilguard. you are given no reason to believe him and every reason to understand that he is likely lying, again, as he always has, in order to justify his actions. he murdered the two people closest to him because they made him waver, wanted him to see there is beauty worgh protecting in this age, too, and i think lavellan is DAMN lucky he didn't get a chance to do anything worse than take her hand.

solas. is. a liar. he is a spirit twisted from his purpose, wisdom become pride, but his actions are his and his alone. he lies to felassan, he lies to the inquisitor, he lies to varric, he lies to rook. you HAVE to take everything he says with a grain of salt. mythal was the person he loved most and had the most history with and he still betrayed her, and locked up what remained of her within the fade. he is unreliable and twists his words to suit his purpose.

when he says he wants to save the elves, to return them to their former glory, he is likely not talking about modern day elves. he doesn't view them as "his people". not anymore. they're broken and need to be fixed. solas is a liar. he knows exactly who he is trying to save, and it is not anyone who exists within this modern world.

[silusvesuius]

nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am

[doverstar]

actually I love Tentoo and he is the Doctor and it was the only ending for Rose that worked and it is a huge gift to be able to have the man she loves grow old with her, they were always heading for that, y'all be quiet. I 100% understand the angst but it's okay, they're okay, good ending-

[uselessnbee]

what i wish people would also explore more when it comes to Percy is the other side of his feelings about his mom about family and his childhood but this fandom is too afraid to paint Sally even in the slightest bad light (even if it's not bad just acknowledging her flaws because she's a human being and not perfect) that no one will touch on that subject. like yes Sally is the best mom but she also isn't and that's the thing! She isn't perfect! but she tried her best but her best still got Percy hurt and it isn't her fault at all but that's the tragedy of it. i want Percy's feelings about this explored. how he grew up with a loving mom but an abusive step father. how his step father would humiliate him and call him stupid but then his mom soothed him and told him he's not the things Gabe calls him. how Gabe would hurt him and Sally would be there to make him happy and loved but at the same time she stayed with him. i want Percy's feelings explored about how he knows his mother loves him but her absence still hurt him. she would work so much to have money to raise him she did that for him but at the same time it meant Percy was left alone or with Gabe. Sally gave up so much for him, she sent him away to protect him but at the same time he was sent away from his mom. she's the only parent he has because his father is absent and Gabe is not actually a parental figure at all but she's also often absent in his life too and that must have left him with such mixed feelings because it's not all black and white! Sally's love protected him but also hurt him. Percy loves his mom so so so much but there's also this deep-seated bitterness and hurt and anger he never let himself feel and then the guilt for having those feelings because his mom loves him he knows that and she gave up so much for him and she married a monster that abused her to protect him, he knows that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. the mess his emotions are because he knows his mom suffered for him and did it from her love for him but he still desperately wishes she never married that monster that he wouldn't have to have the childhood he had with him that he wouldn't have to live with the trauma he was left with. this all is exactly what makes their relationship so fascinating and also heartbreaking.

or the idea of Percy having weird mixed feelings after Estelle is born because that's his little sister and he loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her and wants only the best for her but there's also this little jealous monster deep down that wonders why she gets to have a loving mom and a loving dad and a happy normal life but he never got that. why does she deserve it but not him? why couldn't he have that too? doesn't he deserve that too? he was just a child too so why why why??? and then the guilt of feeling that way too it makes me want to scream. emotions are fucking messy and they can be really ugly and they can make you hate yourself and there's no way Percy's feelings aren't a mess when it comes to this and i want to see it explored so badly!

and with Sally too! her feelings about Percy because she did so much and tried her best but sometimes unfortunately your best isn't good enough and it still got her beloved son hurt and she hates it and feels so guilty but she just has to live with that but she can't help to wish it was different. that their lives would be different. better. normal. she can't help but to wish she didn't have to do the things she's done, didn't have to suffer so much just to protect her child. can't help to wish she didn't have to worry so much, didn't have to be so scared about Percy, didn't have to be terrified that one day he won't come back home to her, that she won't be able to hold her son anymore because he will be gone, she just wishes he didn't have to suffer so much, she just wishes and wishes and wishes

and i just wish people weren't so afraid to explore this because it's so heartwrenching and yes if you want something do it yourself but unfortunately i cannot write nor am i able to handle this topic in a way it deserves so i am left only with rambling about it on here thank you

[kendrixtermina]

I swear a lot of these people seem to have Rei mixed up with Anthy from Utena & just never paid any attention to her character or statements that were made about her by the staff (I have a thinkpiece written about it about that here and here) aside from heavy cherrypicking to support their fanwank. (For starters, Rei's problem/flaw isn't mindless obedience, it's resigned fatalism, and she was very much supposed to come across as someone who's gloomy & difficult to approach, not whatever the haters chose to plaster on her. Though that is an issue that you see with ppl with less expressive personality types that ppl will just project stuff on them. Even regardless of any ship stuff that's just quite unjust to Rei.)

To the extent that Rei can be said to be a fantasy of any sort, Asuka is also a fantasy. She's literally a genius with model looks, basically the anime version of that guy who became a harvard doctor a navy seal and an astronaut, and a "hot foreigner" trope to boot.

They're representing contradictory appeals (and on a deeper level, various conflicting psychological drives & needs), like emotional safety & excitement, sadism & masochism... both are asignd both negatively & positively connotated concepts.

Not to mention, she's right there with Misato & Asuka in the "people are complex and have different sides to them that can be challenging" dialogue in EoE (the one where all three are shown in the train and/or naked), indeed she gets the dialogue explaining it to Shinji - & she's a good example here because he's been avoiding her ever since finding out all that complicated stuff about her origins.

He'd go to her if he wasn't scared, so Asuka's rightfully pissed to be his last choice & he's probably also going to the person who always puts him down & rejects him because when you hate youself being bashed feels like being told the truth & everything else can't be trusted or brings up insecure feelings. So the two represent a "crab bucket".(though in the end he shies away even from Asuka)

This is also kinda reflected in the ep 26 where he wishes Rei was just a regular classmate with no connection to any mad science stuff, so he can have a normal classroom romance with her. (meanwhile Asuka becomes a childhood friend, bond comradery without any lust or competition complicating it, though it's ego flattering if she still shows a bit of interest...) but that's of course not the reality he lives in.

This is definitely a point where Shinji dropped the ball when Rei needed him (although one might wonder how much he could even do on his own, similar as with Misato.) - he's totally overwhelmed, has lost everything at this point & has no reliable adult figures left to talk to.

& then the last Rebuild basically ask what if that was different. What if he had more processing time & positive adult role models (the grownup classmates) - it's very much bringing up the catharsis that was tragically thwarted in the OG where Rei blows up "before she could convey her heart"(as per the EoE booklet) & Shinji just keeps avoiding her.

Here Rei gets to figure out & express her feelings, & we see that given more processing time, Shini was, in fact, capable of accepting her just as she is ("Ayanami is Ayanami"), & afterwards this is the catalyst that leads him to confront Gendo (along with the help he got from everyone else but this is defs a big one, seeing how he carries the player sh gave him like a talisman)

- and he learns to get used to/ tolerate positive treatment more broadly. ("why would you all be so nice to me!" "...because we care about you?")

(It also shows Rei getting the parental love she never got/ futilely longed for from Gendo from Grownup!Hikari instead.)

Just look at the scene where Mari & Shinji have followed Gendo into minus space and she's like, "it's going to be difficult to catch him..." but Shinji just shakes his head & calls for Rei, with total faith that she's going to let him take EVA 01 from right under Gendo's nose

Quite some stretch from the Shinji who doubted any gesture of goodwill & frantically feared that ppl would stop wanting him the moment they're out of earshot

Additional Reishin Thoughts

I’ve been thinking about my OTP again and why it’s so hated by the fandom. One misconception I think a lot of people have is that it’s the “easy” ship compared to Asushin and that it would be a submissive tradwife marriage. Rei still challenges Shinji to not just run away, grow up and learn to love himself and challenges his worldview of demanding validation from others by calling him out for never trying to understand anyone else.

People who claim it’s incest ignore that in 3.33, Shinji wasn’t really upset about Rei’s origins, just that he failed to save the Rei he knew. Rei is sort of a metaphor for acceptance. Shinji accepts that Rei Q is still Rei even if she doesn’t have all her memories and him learning about her origins is less to squick people out and more a lesson about how you can’t have the good without the bad when it comes to people you care for.

I think some people are projecting their issues with traditional families onto this pairing and their feminist critiques are actually quite demeaning to Rei. Her whole arc is about breaking free and proving she’s not just Gendo’s replacement goldfish. I don’t think she’d be a submissive tradwife and is perfectly capable of holding her own. Shinji has his flaws but he respects her and wouldn’t treat her like a 50s housewife. I think a lot of people let their disgust towards this ship get in the way of understanding what it is and ignore the beauty of it.

What makes it appealing to me is that it’s the story of two lonely kids helping each other grow and face both internal and external challenges and gaining a deep emotional understanding. I respect people who prefer Asushin or Kawoshin for whatever reasons they have. I just wish that same respect could be afforded back.

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Still haven't messaged my mom back. And I don't think I'm going to.

[leslieseveride]

how did ya'll survive s10 of chicago fire without 2 focal points of the show?? this is killing meeeee. 😩😩

[heartshattering]

5 AM

Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃

[gxlden-angels]

RUBY FRANKE AND JODI HILDEBRANDT SENTENCED TO 4 TO 60 YEARS IN PRISON LETS GOOOOO

[curioscurio]

Most of my sinus infection has cleared up besides the occasional cough and irritated throat but now this ear infection.... everything hurts can I please have a break before I have to go back to work just a day without pain so I can clean up my sicknest without feeling like ass

[whiskeyswifty]

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